commit e89de0c26a54561264d2ac5edc7d0eba4ca6094c Author: Seth Woodworth Date: Fri Aug 1 13:48:29 2014 +0000 "Initial import from Project Gutenberg" diff --git a/30360-8.txt b/30360-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f0d3e6f --- /dev/null +++ b/30360-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,23704 @@ +Project Gutenberg's My Secret Life, Volumes I. to III., by Anonymous + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: My Secret Life, Volumes I. to III. + 1888 Edition + +Author: Anonymous + +Release Date: October 30, 2009 [EBook #30360] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MY SECRET LIFE, VOLUMES I. TO III. *** + + + + +Produced by An Anonymous Volunteer (This file was produced +from scans of public domain material produced by Google +Books) + + + + + + +MY SECRET LIFE + +By An Anonymous Author + + +Amsterdam 1888 + + +Privately Printed For Subscribers. + + + +This first reprint of "My Secret Life" is for private distribution +among connoisseur collectors. It is strictly limited to four hundred +and seventy five copies, all of which have been subscribed for prior to +publication. + + + + +INTRODUCTION + +In 18-- my oldest friend died. We had been at school and college +together, and our intimacy had never been broken. I was trustee for his +wife and executor at his death. He died of a lingering illness, during +which his hopes of living were alternately raised, and depressed. Two +years before he died, he gave me a huge parcel carefully tied up and +sealed. Take care of, but don't open this he said: if I get better, +return it to me, if I die, let no mortal eye but yours see it, and burn +it. + +His widow died a year after him. I had well nigh forgoten this packet +which I had had full three years, when looking for some title deeds +I came cross it, and opened it, as it was my duty to do. Its contents +astonished me. The more I read it, the more marvellous it seemed. I +pondered long on the meaning of his instructions when he gave it to me, +and kept the manuscript some years, hesitating what to do with it. + +At length I came to the conclusion knowing his idiosyncracy well, that +his fear was only lest any one should know who the writer was; and +feeling that it would be sinful to destroy such a history, I copied the +manuscript and destroyed the original. He died relationless. + +No one now can trace the author, no names are mentioned in the book, +though they were given freely in the margin of his manuscript, and I +alone know to whom the initials refer. If I have done harm in printing +it, I have done none to him, have indeed only carried out his evident +intention, and given to a few a secret history, which bears the impress +of truth on every page, a contribution to psychology. + + + + +PREFACE + +I began these memoirs when about twenty-five years old, having from +youth kept a diary of some sort, which perhaps from habit made me think +of recording my inner and secret life. + +When I began it, I had scarcely read a baudy book, none of which +excepting "Fanny Hill" appeared to me to be truthful, that did, and +it does so still; the others telling of recherche eroticisms, or +of inordinate copulative powers, of the strange twists, tricks, and +fancies, of matured voluptuousness, and philosophical lewedness, seemed +to my comparative ignorance, as baudy imaginings, or lying inventions, +not worthy of belief; although I now know by experience, that they may +be true enough, however eccentric, and improbable, they may appear to +the uninitiated. + +Fanny Hill was a woman's experience. Written perhaps by a woman, where +was a man's, written with equal truth? That book has no baudy word +in it; but baudy acts need the baudy ejaculations; the erotic, full +flavored expressions, which even the chastest indulge in, when lust, or +love, is in its full tide of performance. So I determined to write my +private life freely as to fact, and in the spirit of the lustful acts +done by me, or witnessed; it is written therefore with absolute truth, +and without any regard whatever for what the world calls decency. +Decency and voluptuousness in its fullest acceptance, cannot exist +together, one would kill the other; the poetry of copulation I have only +experienced with a few women, which however neither prevented them, nor +me from calling a spade, a spade. + +I began it for my amusement; when many years had been chronicled I tired +of it and ceased. Some ten years afterwards I met a woman, with whom, +or with those she helped me do; I did, said, saw, and heard, well nigh +everything a man and woman could do with their genitals, and began to +narrate those events, when quite fresh in my memory, a great variety of +incidents extending over four years or more. Then I lost sight of her, +and my amorous amusements for a while were simpler, but that part of my +history was complete. + +After a little while, I set to work to describe the events of the +intervening years of my youth, and early middle age; which included most +of my gallant intrigues and adventures of a frisky order; but not the +more lascivious ones of later years. Then an illness caused me to think +seriously of burning the whole. But not liking to destroy my labor, I +laid it aside again for a couple of years. Then another illness gave +me long uninterrupted leisure; I read my manuscript, and filled in some +occurrences which I had forgotten, but which my diary enabled me to +place in their proper order. This will account for the difference in +style in places, which I now observe; and a very needless repetition, +of voluptuous descriptions, which I had forgotten, had been before +described; that however is inevitable, for human copulation, vary the +incidents leading up to it as you may, is, and must be, at all times, +much the same affair. + +Then for the first time, I thought I would print my work that had been +commenced more than twenty years before, but hesitated. I then had +entered my maturity, and on to the most lascivious portion of my life, +the events were disjointed, and fragmentary and my amusement was to +describe them just after they occurred. Most frequently the next day I +wrote all down with much prolixity, since, I have much abbreviated it. + +I had from youth an excellent memory, but about sexual matters a +wonderful one. Women were the pleasure of my life. I loved cunt, but +also she who had it; I like the woman I fucked and not simply the cunt +I fucked, and therein is a great difference. I recollect even now in a +degree which astonishes me, the face, color, stature, thighs, backside, +and cunt, of well nigh every woman I have had, who was not a mere +casual; and even of some who were. The clothes they wore, the houses and +rooms in which I had them, were before me mentally, as I wrote, the way +the bed, and furniture were placed, the side of the room the windows +were on, I remembered perfectly; and all the important events I can fix +as to time, sufficiently nearly by reference to my diary, in which the +contemporaneous circumstances of my life are recorded. + +I recollect also largely what we said, and did, and generally our baudy +amusements. Where I fail to have done so, I have left description blank, +rather than attempt to make a story coherent by inserting what was +merely probable. I could not now account for my course of action, nor +why I did this, or said that, my conduct seems strange, foolish, absurd, +very frequently, that of some women, equally so, but I can but state +what did occur. + +In a few cases, I have for what even seems to me very strange, suggested +reasons, or causes, but only where the facts seem by themselves to be +very improbable, but have not exaggerated anything willingly. When I +have named the number of times I have fucked a woman in my youth, I may +occasionally be in error, it is difficult to be quite accurate on such +points after a lapse of time. But as before said in many cases the +incidents were written down a few weeks and often within a few +days after they occurred. I do not attempt to pose as a Hercules in +copulation, there are quite sufficient braggarts on that head, much +intercourse with gay women, and doctors, makes me doubt the wonderful +feats in coition, some men tell of. + +I have one fear about publicity, it is that of having done a few things +by curiosity and impulse (temporary abberations), which even professed +libertines may cry fie on. There are plenty who will cry fie who have +done all and worse than I have and habitually, but crying out at the +sins of others was always a way of hiding one's own iniquity. Yet from +that cause perhaps no mortal eye but mine, will see this history. The +christian name of the servants mentioned are generally the true ones, +the other names mostly false, the phonetically resembling the true +ones. Initials nearly always the true ones. In most cases the woman they +represent are dead or lost to me. Streets and baudy houses named are +nearly always correct. Most of the houses named are now closed or pulled +down; but any middle aged man about town would recognize them. Where a +road, house, room, or garden is described, the description is exactly +true; even to the situation of a tree, chair, bed, sofa, pisspot. The +district is sometimes given wrongly; but it matters little whether +Brompton be substituted for Hackney, or Camden Town for Walworth. Where +however owing to the incidents it is needful, the places of amusement +are given correctly. The Tower, and Argyle rooms, for example. All this +is done to prevent giving pain to some, perhaps still living, for I have +no malice to gratify. + +I have mystified family affairs, but if I say I had ten cousins, when I +had but six, or that one aunt's house was in Surrey instead of Kent, or +in Lancashire; it breaks the clue and cannot matter to the reader. + +But my doings with man and woman are as true as gospel. If I say that +I saw, or did, that with a cousin male, or female, it was with a cousin +and no mere acquaintance; if with a servant, it was with a servant; if +with a casual acquaintance, it is equally true. Nor if I say I had that +woman, and did this or that with her, or felt or did aught else with a +man, is there a word of untruth excepting as to the place at which the +incidents occurred. But even those are mostly correctly given, this is +intended to be a true history, and not a lie. + + + + +SECOND PREFACE + +Some years have passed away since I penned the foregoing, and it is not +printed. I have since gone through abnormal phases of amatory life, have +done and seen things, had tastes and letches which years ago I thought +were the dreams of erotic mad-men; these are all described, the +manuscript has grown into unmanageable bulk, shall it, can it be +printed? What will be said or thought of me, what become of the +manuscript if found when I am dead, better to destroy the whole, it has +fulfilled its purpose in amusing me, now let it go to the flames! + +I have read my manuscript, through what reminiscences I had actually +forgotten some of the early ones; how true the detail strikes me as I +read of my early experiences; had it not been written then, it never +could have been written now, has anybody but myself faithfully made such +a record? It would be a sin to burn all this, whatever society may +say it is but a narrative of human life, perhaps the every day life of +thousands, if the confession could be had. + +What strikes me as curious in reading it, is the monotony of the course +I have pursued toward women who were not of the gay class; it has been +as similar, and repetitive as fucking itself; do all men act so, does +every man kiss, coax, hint smuttily, then talk baudily, snatch a feel, +smell his fingers, assault, and win, exactly as I have done? Is every +woman offended, say no, then oh! blush, be angry, refuse, close her +thighs, after a struggle open them, and yield to her lust as mine have +done? A conclave of whores telling the truth, and of Romish Priests, +could alone settle the point. Have all men had the strange letches which +late in life have enraptured me, though in early days the idea of them +revolted me? I can never know this, my experience if printed may enable +others to compare as I cannot. + +Shall it be burnt or printed? How many years have passed in this +indecision, why fear; it is for others' good and not my own if +preserved. + + + + +VOLUME ONE + + + +CHAPTER I. + + Earliest recollections.--An erotic nurse-maid.--Ladies + abed.--My cock.--A frisky governess.--Cousin Fred.--Thoughts + on pudend.--A female pedler.--Baudy pictures.--A naked + baby. + +My earliest recollections of things sexual are of what I think must have +occurred some time between my age of five, and eight years. I tell of +them just as I recollect them, without attempt to fill in what seems +probable. + +She was I suppose my nursemaid. I recollect that she sometimes held my +little prick when I piddled, was it needful to do so? I don't know. She +attempted to pull my propuce back, when, and how often I know not. But I +am clear at seeing the prick tip show, of feeling pain, of yelling out, +of her soothing me, and of this occurring more than once. She comes to +my memory as a shortish, fattish young female and that she often felt my +prick. + +One day, it must have been late in the afternoon, for the sun was low, +but shining--how strange I should recollect that so clearly--but I have +always recollected sunshine.--I had been walking out with her, toys had +been bought me, we were both carrying them, she stopped and talked to +some men, one caught hold of her and kissed her, I felt frightened, it +was near a coach stand, for hackney coaches were there, cabs were not +then known, she put what toys she had on to my hands, and went into a +house with a man. What house? I don't know. Probably a public-house, for +there was one not far from a coach stand, and not far from our house. +She came out and we went home. + +Then I was in our house in a carpeted room with her; it could not have +been the nursery I know, sitting on the floor with my toys, so was she; +she played with me and the toys, we rolled over each other on the floor +in fun, I have a recollection of having done that with others, and of my +father and mother, being in that room at times with me playing. + +She kissed me, got out my cock, and played with it, took one of my hands +and put it underneath her clothes. It felt rough there, that's all, she +moved my little hand violently there then she felt my cock and again +hurt me, I recollect seeing the red tip appear as she pulled down the +prepuce, and my crying out, and her quieting me. + +Then of her being on her back, of my striding across or between her +legs, and her heaving me up and down, and my riding cock-horse and that +it was not the first time I had done so; then I fell flat on her, she +heaved me up and down and squeezed me till I cried. I scrambled of! of +her, and in doing so, my hand, or foot went through a drum, I had been +drumming on, at which I cried. + +As I sat crying on the floor besides her, I recollect her naked legs, +and one of her hands shaking violently beneath her petticoats, and of my +having some vague notion that the woman was ill, I felt timid. All was +for a moment quiet, her hand ceased, still she lay on her back, and I +saw her thighs, then turning round she drew me to her, kissed me and +tranquillised me. As she turned round I saw one side of her backside, I +leant over it and laid my face on it, crying about my broken drum, the +evening sunbeams made it all bright, it had at some time been raining I +recollect. + +I expect I must have seen her cunt, as I sat beside her naked thigh. +Looking towards her and crying about my broken drum, and when I saw +her hand moving no doubt she was frigging. Yet I have not the slightest +recollection of her cunt, nor of anything more than I have told. But of +having seen her naked thighs, I am certain, I seem often to have seen +them, but cannot feel certain of that. + +The oddest thing is, that whilst I early recollected more or less +clearly what took place two or three years later on, and ever +afterwards, on sexual matters; and what I said, heard, and did, and +nearly consecutively, this my first recollection of cock, and cunt, +escaped my memory for full twenty years. + +Then one day talking with the husband of one of my cousins, about +infantine incidents he told me something which had occurred to him in +his childhood; and suddenly, almost as quickly as a magic lantern throws +a picture on to a wall, this which had occurred to me came into my mind. +I have since thought over it a hundred times, but cannot recollect one +circumstance relating to the adventure more than I have told. + +My mother had been giving advice to my cousin about nursemaids. They +were not to be trusted. "When Walter was a little fellow, she had +dismissed a filthy creature, whom she had detected in abominable +practices with one of her children," what they were my mother never +disclosed. She hated indelicacies of any sort, and usually cut short +allusion to them by saying, "It's not a subject to talk about, let's +talk of something else." My cousin told her husband, and when we +were together he told me, and his own experiences, and then all the +circumstances came into my mind, just as I have told here. + +I could not, as the reader will hear, thoroughly uncover my prick tip +without pain, till I was sixteen years old nor well then when quite +stiff unless it went up a cunt. My nursemaid I expect thought this +curious, and tried to remedy the error in my make, and hurt me. My +mother, by her extremely delicate feeling, shut herself off from much +knowledge of the world, which was the reason why she had such implicit +belief in my virtue, until I had seen twenty-two years, and kept, or +nearly so, a French harlot. + +I imagine I must have slept with this nurse-maid, and certainly I did +with some female, in a room called the Chinese room, on account of the +color of the wall papers. I recollect a female being there in bed with +me, that I awoke one morning feeling very hot, and stifled, and that my +head was against flesh; that flesh was all about me, my mouth and nose +being embedded in hair, or some thing scrubby, which had a hot peculiar +odour. I have a recollection of a pair of hands suddenly clutching, +and dragging me up on to the pillow, and of daylight then. I have no +recollection of a word being uttered. This incident I could not long +have forgoten, having told my cousin Fred, of it before my father died. +He used to say it was the governess. I suppose, I must have slipped down +in my sleep, till my head laid against her belly, and cunt. + +Some years afterwards when I got the smell of another woman's cunt on my +fingers, it at once reminded me of the smell I had under my nose in +the bed; and I knew at a flash, that I had smelt cunt before, and +recollected where, but no more. + +How long after, I have no idea, but it seems like two or three years, +there was a dance in our house, several relations were to stop the night +with us, the house was full, here was bustle, the shifting of beds, the +governess going into a servant's room to sleep, and so on. Some female +cousins were amongst those stopping with us; going into the drawing-room +suddenly, I heard my mother saying to one of my aunts: "Walter is after +all but a child, and its only for one night." Hish-hish both said, as +they saw me, then my mother sent me out of the room, wondering why they +were talking about me, and feeling curious, and annoyed at being sent +away. + +I had been in the habit then of sleeping in a room, either with another +bed in it, or close to a room leading out of it, with another bed, I +cannot recollect which; I used to call out to whoever might have been +there when I was in bed: for being timid, the door was kept open for me. +It could not have been a man who slept there, for the men servants slept +on the ground-floor, I have seen their beds there. + +The night I speak of, my bed was taken out, and put into the Chinese +paper room, one of the maids who helped to move it, sat on the pot and +piddled; I heard the rattle, and as far as I can recollect it was the +first time I noticed anything of the sort, tho I recollect well seeing +women putting on their stockings and feeling the thigh of one of them +just above her knee. I was kneeling on the floor at the time, and had a +trumpet, which she took angrily out of my hand soon afterwards, because +I made a noise. + +I recollect the dance, that I danced with a tall lady, that my mother +contrary to custom as it seems to me, put me to bed herself, and that it +was before the dance was over, for I felt angry and tearful at being put +to bed so early. My mother closed the curtains quite tightly all round +a small four post bed, and told me, I was to lie quietly, and not get up +till she came to me in the morning; not to speak, nor undo my curtains, +nor to get out of bed, or I should disturb Mr. and Mrs. ------ who were +to sleep in the big bed; that it would make them angry if I did. I am +almost certain she named a lady and her husband, who were going to stay +with us; but can't be sure. A man then frightened me more than a woman, +my mother I dare say knew that. + +I dare say, for it was the same the greater part of my life, that I went +to sleep directly I laid down, usually never awaking till the morning. +Certainly I must have gone fast asleep that night; perhaps I had had +a little wine given me, who knows; I have a sudden consciousness of a +light, and hear some one say, he is fast asleep, don't make a noise; +it seemed like my mother's voice. I rouse myself and listen, the +circumstances are strange, the room strange, it excites me, and I rise +on my knees, I don't know whether naturally, or cautiously, or +how; perhaps cautiously, because I fear angering my mother, and the +gentleman, perhaps a sexual instinct makes me curious, though that +is not probable. I have not in fact the slightest conception of the +actuating motive, but I sat up and listened. There were two females +talking, laughing quietly, and moving about, I heard a rattling in the +pot, then a rest, then again a rattle and knew the sound of piddling. +How long I listened, I don't know, I might have dozed and awakened +again, I saw lights moved about; then I crawled on my knees, with fear +that I was doing wrong, and pushed a little aside the curtains where +they met at the bottom of the bed. I recollect their being quite tight +by the tucking in and that I could not easily make an opening to peep +through. + +There was a girl, or young woman with her back to me, brushing her hair, +another was standing by her, one took a night gown off the chair, shook +it out, and dropped it over her head, after drawing off her chemise. As +this was done I saw some black at the bottom of her belly, a fear came +over me, that I was doing wrong and should be punished if found looking, +and I laid down wondering at it all, I fancy I again slept. + +Then there was a shuffling about, and again it seems as if I heard a +noise like piddling, the light was put out, I felt agitated, I heard the +women kiss, one say hish! you will wake that brat, then one said listen, +then I heard kisses and breathing like some one sighing, I thought some +one must be ill and felt alarmed and must then have fallen asleep. I do +not know who the women were, they must have been my cousins, or young +ladies who had come to the dance. That was the first time I recollect +seeing the hair of a cunt, though I must have seen it before, for I +recollect at times a female (most likely a nursemaid) stand naked, but +don't recollect noticing anything black between her thighs, nor did I +think about it at all afterwards. + +In the morning my mother came and took me up to her room, where she +dressed me, as she left the room, she said to the females in bed, they +were not to hurry up, she had only fetched Wattie. + +But all this only came vividly to my mind when, a few years after, I +began to talk about women with my cousin, and we told each other all we +had seen, and heard, about females. + +Until I was about twelve years old I never went to school, there was +a governess in the house who instructed me, and the other children, my +father was nearly always at home. I was carefully kept from the grooms +and other men servants; once I recollect getting to the stable yard and +seeing a stallion mount a mare, his prick go right out of sight in what +appeared to me to be the mares bottom, of father appearing and calling +out "What does that boy do there," and my being hustled away. I had +scarcely a boy acquaintance excepting among my cousins, and therefore +did not learn as much about sexual matters, as boys early do at schools. +I did not know what the stallion was doing. I could have had no notion +of it then, nor did I think about it. + +The next thing I clearly recollected, was one of my male cousins +stopping with us, we walked out and when piddling together against +a hedge, his saying: "show me your cock, Walter, and I will show you +mine." We stood and examined each others cocks, and for the first time, +I became conscious, that I could not get my foreskin easily back, like +other boys. I pulled his backwards and forwards. He hurt me, laughed +and sneered at me, another boy came and I think another, we all compared +cocks, and mine was the only one which would not unskin, they jeered me, +I burst into tears, and went away, thinking there was something wrong +with me, and was ashamed to show my cock again, then I set to work +earnestly to try to pull the foreskin back, but always desisted fearing +the pain, for I was very sensitive. + +My cousin then told me that girls had no cock, but only a hole they +piddled out of, we were always talking about them, but I don't recollect +the word cunt, nor that I attached any lewd idea to a girl's piddling +hole, or to their cocks being flat, an expression heard I think at the +same period. It remained only in my mind that my cock and the girl's +hole were to piddle out of, and nothing more, I cannot be certain about +my age at this time. + +Afterwards I went to that uncle's house often, my cousin Fred was to be +put to school, and we talked a great deal more about girls' cocks which +began to interest me much. He had never seen one he said, but he knew +that they had two holes, one for bogging and the other to piddle from. +They sit down to piddle said he, they don't piddle against a wall as we +do, but that I must have known already, afterwards I felt very curious +about the matter. + +One day, one of his sisters left the room where we were sitting, she +is going to piddle, he said to me. We sneaked into a bed room of one of +them one day, and gravely looked into the pot to see what piddle was in +it. Whether we expected to find anything different from what there was +in our own chamber pot, I do not know. When talking about these things +my cousin would twiddle his cock. We wondered how the piddle came out, +if they wetted their legs and if the hole was near the bum hole, or +where; one day Fred and I pissed against each others cocks, and thought +it excellent fun. + +I recollect being very curious indeed about the way girls piddled after +this, and seeing them piddle became a taste I have kept all my life. I +would listen at the bed room doors, if I could get near them unobserved, +when my mother, sister, the governess, or a servant went in, hoping to +hear the rattle and often succeeded: it was accompanied by no sexual +desire, or idea, as far as I can recollect; I had no cockstand, and am +sure, that I then did not know that the women had a hole called a cunt, +and used it for fucking. I can recall no idea of the sort, it was simple +curiosity to know something about those, whom I instinctively felt +were made differently from myself. What sort of a hole could it be I +wondered. Was it large? Was it round? Why did they squat instead of +stand up, like men, my curiosity became intense. + +How long after this the following took place, I can't say, but my cock +was bigger. I have that impression very distinctly. + +One day, there were people in one of the sitting rooms, where my mother +and father were I don't know; they were not in the room, and were most +likely out. There were one or two of my cousins, some youths, my big +sister and one brother, besides others, our governess, and her sister, +who was stopping with us, and sleeping in the same room with her. I +recollect both going into the bed room together, it was next to mine. +It was evening, we had sweet wine, cake, and snap-dragon, and played +at something, at which all sat in a circle on the floor. I was very +ticklish, it nearly sent me into fits, we tickled each other on the +floor. There was much fun, and noise, the governess tickled me, and I +tickled her. She said as I was taken to bed, or rather went, as I then +did by myself, "I'll go and tickle you." Now at that time when in bed, a +servant, or my mother, or the governess took away the light, and closed +the door; for I was still frightened to get into bed in the dark, and +used to call out, "Mamma, I'm going to get into bed." Then they fetched +the light, they wished to stop this timidity, often scolded me about it, +and made me undress myself, by myself, to cure me of it. + +I expect the other children had been put to bed. My mother keeping all +the younger ones in the room near her. The nursery was also upstairs, my +room, as said, was next to the governess. + +When in bed, I called out for some one to put out the light, up came the +governess and her sister. She began to tickle me, so did her sister, +I laughed, screeched, and tried to tickle them. One of them closed the +door and then came back to tickle me. I kicked all the clothes off, and +was nearly naked, I begged them to desist, felt their hands on my naked +flesh, and am quite sure, that one of them touched my prick more than +once, though it might have been done accidentally. At last I wriggled +off the bed, my night-gown up to my armpits, and dropped with my naked +bum on to the floor, whilst they tickled me still, and laughed at my +wriggling about, and yelling. + +Then what induced me, heaven alone knows; it may have been what I had +heard about the piddling-hole of a woman, or curiosity, or instinct, I +don't know; but I caught hold of the governess' leg as she was trying to +get me up on to the bed again, saying, "that will do, my dear boy, get +into bed, and let me take away the light." I would not; the other lady +helped to lift me, I pushed my hands up the petticoats of the governess, +felt the hair of her cunt, and that there was something warm, and moist, +between her thighs. She let me drop on to the floor, and jumped away +from me. I must have been clinging to her thigh, with both hands up her +petticoats, and one between her thighs, she cried out loudly--oh! + +Then slap-slap-slap, in quick succession, came her hand against my head, +"You...rude...bad...boy," said she slapping me at each word, "I've a +good mind to tell your mamma, get into bed this instant," and into bed +I got without a word. She blew out the light, and left the room with her +sister, leaving me in a dreadful funk. I scarcely knew that I had done +wrong, yet had some vague notion, that feeling about her thighs was +punishable; the soft hairy place my hand had touched, impressed me with +wonder, I kept thinking there was no cock there, and felt a sort of +delight at what I had done. + +I heard them then talking, and laughing loudly, thru the partition. +"They are talking about me, oh if they tell mamma, oh! what did I do it +for?" Trembling with fear, I jumped out of bed, opened my door, and +went to theirs listening; theirs was ajar,--heard: "right up between my +thighs, felt it! he must have felt it; ah! ah! ah! would you ever +have thought the little beast would have done such a thing." They both +laughed heartily. "Did you see his little thing?" said one. "Shut the +door, it's not shut;"--breathless I got back to my room, and into bed, +and laying there, heard them through the partition roaring with laughter +again. + +That is the first time in my life, I recollect passing an all but +sleepless night. The dread of being told about, and dread at what I +had done, kept me awake. I heard the two women talking for a long time. +Mixed with my dread was a wonder at the hair, and the soft, moist feel, +I had had for an instant, on some part of my hand. I knew I had felt the +hidden part of a female, where the piddle came from, and that is all +I did think about it, that I know of, I have no recollection of a lewd +sensation, but of a curious sort of delight only. + +It must have been from this time, that my curiosity about the female +form strengthened, but there was nothing sensual in it. I was fond of +kissing, for my mother remarked it; when a female cousin, or any female +kissed me, I would throw my arms round them, and keep on kissing. My +aunts used to laugh, my mother corrected me, and told me it was rude. I +used to say to the servants, kiss me. One day I heard my godfather say: +"Walter knows a pretty girl from an ugly one doesn't he?" + +I had a dread of meeting the governess, at breakfast, watched her, and +saw her laugh at her sister, I watched my mother for some days after, +and at length said to the governess, who had punished me for something. +"Don't tell mamma." "I have nothing to tell about, Walter," she +replied, "and don't know what you mean." I began to tell her what was on +my mind. "What's the child talking about, you are dreaming, some stupid +boy has been putting things into your head, your papa will thrash +you, if you talk like that." "Why you came and tickled me," said I. "I +tickled you a little when I put your light out," said she, "be quiet." +I felt stupified, and suppose the affair must have passed away from +my mind for a time, but I told my cousin Fred about it afterwards. He +thought I must have been dreaming, and I began to wonder if it really +had occurred, I never thought much about it until I began to recall my +childhood for this history. + +I must have been twelve years old, when I went to an uncle's in Surrey, +and became a close friend of my cousin Fred, a very devil from his +cradle, and of whom much more will be told: before then I had only seen +him at intervals. We were then allowed, and it seems to me not before +that time, to go out by ourselves. We talked boyish baudiness. "Ain't +you green," said he, "a girl's hole isn't called a cock, it's a cunt, +they fuck with it," and then he told me all he knew. I don't think I had +heard that before, but can't be sure. + +From that time a new train of ideas came into my head. I had a vague +idea, though not a belief, that a cock and cunt, were not made for +pissing only. Fred treated me as a simpleton in these matters, and was +always calling me an ass; I have quite a painful recollection of my +inferiority to him, in such things, and of begging him to instruct me. +"They make children that way," said Fred. "You come up and we will ask +the old nurse, where children come from, and she'll say 'out of the +parsley-bed,' but it's all a lie." We went and asked her in a casual +sort of way. She replied, "the parsley-bed," and laughed. The nurse at +my house told me the same, when I asked afterwards about my mother's +last baby. "Ain't they liars?" Fred remarked to me, "it comes out of +their cunts, and it's made by fucking." + +We both desired to see women piddling, though both must have before seen +them at it often enough. Walking near the market-town with him just at +the outskirts, and looking up a side-road, we saw a pedler woman +squat down and piss. We stopped short and looked at her: she was a +short-petticoated, thick-legged, middle-aged woman; the piss ran off in +a copious stream, and there we stood grinning. "Be off, be off, what are +you standing grinning at, yer dam'd young fools," cried the woman, "be +off, or I'll heave a stone at yer," and she pissed on. We moved a few +steps back, but keeping our face towards her, Fred stooped, and put his +head down. "I can see it coming," said he jeeringly. He was rude from +his infancy, bold in baudiness to the utmost, had the impudence of the +devil. The stream ceased, the woman rose up swearing, took up a big +flint and threw it at us. "I'll tell on yer," she cried. "I know yer, +wait till I see yer again." She had a large basket of crockery for sale, +it was put down in the main-road at the angle; she had just turned round +into the side lane to piss. We ran off, and when well away, turned +round and shouted at her, "I saw your cunt," Fred bawled out;--she +flung another stone. Fred took up one, threw it, and it crashed into the +crockery, the woman began to chase us, off we bolted across the fields +home. She could not follow us that way; it was an eventful day for us. +I recollect feeling full of envy at Fred's having seen her cunt. +Though writing now, and having in my mind's eye, exactly how the woman +squatted, and the way her petticoats hung, I am sure he never did see +it; it was brag when he said he had, but we were always talking about +girls' cunts, the desire to see one was great, and I then believed that +he had seen the pedlar woman's. + +Then one of Fred's companions showed us a bawdy picture, it was +coloured. I wondered at the cunt being a long sort of gash, I had an +idea that it was round, like an arse-hole. Fred told his friend I was +an ass, but I could not get the idea of a cunt, not being a round hole +quite out of my head, until I had fucked a woman. We were all anxious +to get the picture, and tossed up for it, but neither I nor Fred got it, +some other boy did. + +Soon after that, Fred came to stop with us and our talk was always about +women's privates, our curiosity became intense. I had a little sister +about nine months old, who was in the nursery. Fred incited me to look +at her cunt, if I could manage it. The two nurses came down in turns, to +the servants dinner. I was often in the nursery, and soon after Fred's +suggestion, was there one day, when the oldest nurse said: "Stop here, +master Walter, while I go downstairs, for a couple of minutes, Mary (the +other nurse) will be up directly, and don't make a noise." My little +sister was lying on the bed asleep. "Yes, I'll wait." Down went nurse, +leaving the door open; quick as lightning, I threw up the infant's +clothes, saw her little slit, and put my finger quite gently on it, she +was laying on her back most conveniently. I pulled one leg away to see +better, the child awakened and began crying, I heard footsteps and had +barely time to pull down her clothes, when the under nursemaid came in. +I only had a momentary glimpse, of the outside of the little quim, for +I was not a minute in the room with the child by myself altogether, and +was fearful of being caught all the time I was looking. + +There must have been something in my face, for the nursemaid said: "What +it the matter, what have you been doing to the baby?" Nothing. "Yes, +you are coloring up, now tell me." "Nothing. I have done nothing." "You +wakened your sister." "No, I have not." The girl laid hold of me, and +gave me a little shake. "I'll tell your mamma if you don't tell me, what +is it now?" "No, I have done nothing, I was looking out of the window +when she began to cry." "You're telling a story, I see you are," said +the nursemaid; and off I went, after being impudent to her. + +I told Fred and he tried the same dodge, but don't recollect whether +he succeeded or not. His sisters were somewhat older, and we began to +scheme how to see their cunts, when I was on a visit to his mother's +(my aunt,) which was to come off in the holidays. The look of the little +child's cunt, as I described it, convinced him that the picture was +correct, and that a cunt was a long slit, and not a round hole. That +cast doubt on males putting their pricks into them, and we clung somehow +to the idea of a round hole, and we quarrelled about it. + +It must have been about this time, that I was walking with my father, +and read something that was written with chalk, on the walls. I asked +him what it meant. He said he did not know, that none but low people, +and blackguards wrote on walls; and it was not worth while noticing such +things. I was conscious that I had done wrong somehow, but did not know +exactly what. When I went out, which I was now allowed to do for short +distances by myself, I copied what was on the walls, to tell Fred, it +was foul, baudy language of some sort, but the only thing we understood +at all, was the word cunt. + +Just then, being out with some boys, we saw two dogs fucking. I have +no recollection of seeing dogs doing that before. We closed round them, +yelling with delight as they stuck rump to rump, then one boy said that +was what men and women did, and I asked, did they stick together so, a +boy replied that they did; others denied it, and all the remainder of +the day, some of us discussed this; the impression left on my mind is, +that it appeared to be very nasty; but it seemed at the same time to +confirm me in the belief, that men put their pricks up into women's +holes, about which I seemed at that time to have grave doubts. + +After this time my recollection of events is clearer, and I can tell not +only what took place, but better what I heard, said, and thought. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + My godfather.--At Hampton-Court.--My aunt's backside.-- + Public baths.--My cousins' cunts.--Haymaking frolics.-- + Family difficulties.--School amusements.--A masturbating + relative.--Romance and sentiment. + +My godfather (whose fortune I afterwards inherited) was very fond of me; +somewhere about this time he used perpetually to be saying, "When you +get to school, don't you follow any of the tricks yourself, that other +boys do, or you will die in a mad-house; lots of boys do." And he told +me some horrible tales; it was done in a mysterious way. I felt there +was a hidden meaning, and not having knowledge of what it was, asked +him. I should know fast enough, said he, but mark his words. He repeated +this so often, that it sunk deeply into my mind, and made me uneasy, +something was to happen to me, if I did something--I did not know +what--it was intended as a caution against frigging, and it had good +effect on me I am sure in various ways in the after time. + +One day talking with Fred, I recollected what I had done to the +governess. I had kept it to myself all along for fear. "What a lie," +said he. "I did really." "Oh! ain't you a liar," he reiterated, "I'll ask +Miss Granger." The same governess was with us then. + +At this remark of his, an absolute terror came over me, the dread was +something so terrible, that the recollection of it is now painful. "Oh +don't, pray don't, Fred," I said, "oh if Papa should hear!" He kept on +saying he would. I was too young to see the improbability of his doing +anything of the sort. "If you do, I'll tell him what we did when the +pedler woman piddled." He did not care. "Now, it's a lie, isn't it, you +did not feel her cunt?" In fear, I confessed it was a lie. "I know it +was," said Fred. He had kept me in a state of terror about the affair +for days, till I told a lie, to get quit of the subject. + +I was evidently always secret, even then, about anything amorous, +excepting with Fred (as will be seen) and have continued so all my +life. I rarely bragged, or told anyone of my doings; perhaps this little +affair with the governess, was a lesson to me, and confirmed me in a +habit natural to me from my infancy. I have kept to myself everything I +did with the opposite sex. + +We now frequently examined our pricks, and Fred jeered me so about my +prepuce being tight, that I resolved that no other boy should see +it; and though I did not keep strictly to that intention, it left a +deep-seated mortification on me. I used to look at my prick with a +sense of shame, and pull the prepuce up and down, as far as I could +constantly, to loosen it, and would treat other boys' cocks in the same +way, if they would let me, without expecting me to make a return; but +the time was approaching when I was to learn much more. + +One of my uncles, who lived in London, took a house in the country for +the summer near Hampton-Court Palace. Fred and I went to stay there +with them. There were several daughters and sons, the sons quite young. +People then came down from London in vans, carts, and carriages of all +sorts, to see the Palace and grounds (there was no railway), they were +principally of the small middle classes, and used to picnic, or else +dine at the taverns when they arrived; then full, and frisky, after +their early meal, go into the parks and gardens. They do so still, but +times were different then, so few people went there comparatively; fewer +park-keepers to look after them, and less of what is called delicacy, +amongst visitors of the class named. + +Our family party used to go into the grounds daily, and all day long +nearly, if we were not on the river banks. Fred winked at me one day, +"let's lose Bob," said he, "and we'll have such a lark." Bob was one +of our little cousins, generally given into our charge. We lost Bob +purposely. Said Fred, "if you dodge the gardiners, creep up there, and +lay on your belly quietly, some girls will be sure to come, and piss, +you'll see them pull their clothes up as they turn round, I saw some +before you came to stay with us." So we went pushing our way among +shrubs, and evergreens, till a gardiner, who had seen us, called out, +"You there, come back, if I catch you going off the walks, you'll be put +outside." We were in such a funk, Fred cut off one way, I another, but +it only stopped us for that day. Fred so excited me about the girls' +arses, as he called them, that we never lost an opportunity of trying +for a sight, but were generally baulked. Once or twice only we saw a +female squat down, but nothing more, till my mother and Fred's came to +stop with us. + +Fred's mother, mine, the girls, Fred and I went into the Park gardens, +one day after luncheon. A very hot day, for we kept in the shady walks, +one of which led to the place where women hid themselves to piss. My +aunt said, "Why don't you boys go and play, you don't mind the sun," so +off we went, but when about to leave the walk, turned round and saw +the women had turned back. Said Fred, "I'm sure they are going to +piss, that's why they want to get rid of us." We evaded the gardiners, +scrambled through shrubs, on our knees, and at last on our bellies up +a little bank, on the other side of which was the vacant place on which +dead leaves and sweepings were shot down. As we got there, pushing aside +the leaves, we saw the big backside of a woman, who was half standing, +half squatting, a stream of piss falling in front of her, and a big +hairy gash, as it seemed, under her arse; but only for a second, she +had just finished as we got the peep, let her clothes fall, tucked them +between her legs, and half turned round. We saw it was Fred's mother, my +aunt. Off aunt went. "Isn't it a wopper," said Fred, "lay still, more of +them will come." + +Two or three did, one said, "you watch if anyone is coming," squatted +and piddled, we could not see her cunt, but only part of her legs, and +the piddle splashing in front of her. Then came the second, she had her +arse towards us, sat so low, that we could not even see the tips of her +buttocks. Fred thought it a pity they did not stand half up like his +mother. On other occasions, we went to the same place, but though I +recollect seeing some females' legs, don't recollect seeing any more. +Nevertheless the sights were very delightful to us, and we used to +discuss his mother's "wopper" and the hair, and the look of the gash, +but I thought there must be some mistake, for it was not the idea I had +formed of a cunt. + +Fred soon after stopped with us in town, we had been forbidden to go +out together, without permission, but we did, and met a boy bigger than +either of us, who was going to bathe. "Come and see them bathing," he +said. My father had refused to take me to the public baths. Disregarding +this, Fred and I paid our six pence each, and in we went with our +friend; we did not bathe, but amused ourselves with seeing others, and +the pricks of the men. None, as far as I can recollect, wore drawers in +those days, they used to walk about hiding their prides generally, with +their hands, but not always. I was astonished at the size of some of +them, and at the dark hair about them, and on other parts of their +bodies. I wondered also at seeing one or two, with the red tip showing +fully, so different from mine. All this was much talked over by us +afterwards, it was to me an insight into the male make and form. Fred +told me, he had often seen men's pricks in their fields, and in those +days, living in the country as he did, I dare say it was true, but I +don't recollect ever having seen the pricks of full grown men, or a +naked man before in my life. + +It must have been in the summer of that same year, that I went after +this to spend some days at my aunt's at H...ds...e..., Fred's mother. +We slept in the some room, and sometimes got up quite at daybreak to +go fishing. One morning Fred had left something, in one of his sisters' +rooms and went to fetch it, though forbidden to go into the girls' +bedrooms. The room in question was opposite to ours. He was only partly +dressed, and came back in a second, his face grinning. "Oh! come Wat, +come softly, Lucy and Mary are quite naked, you can see their cunts, +Lucy has some black hair on hers." I was only half dressed, and much +excited by the idea of seeing my cousins' nudity. We both took off our +slippers, and crept along through the door half open, then went on our +knees! But why we did so, to this day I don't understand, and so crept +to the foot of the bed, then raising ourselves, we both looked over the +footboard. + +Lucy, fifteen years old, was laying half on her side, naked from her +knees to her waist, the bed-clothes kicked off (I suppose through heat), +were dragging across her feet and partly laying on the floor; we saw her +split, till lost in the closed thighs, she had a little dark short hair +over the top of her cunt, and that is all I can recollect about it. + +Mary-Ann by the side of her, a year younger only, laid on her back, +nacked up to her navel, just above which was her night-gown in a heap +and ruck; she had scarcely a sign of hair on her cunt, but a vermillion +line, lay right through her crack. Projecting more towards the top, +where her cunt began, she had what I now know was a strongly developed +clitoris; she was a lovely girl and had long chestnut hair. + +Whilst we looked she moved one leg up in a restless manner, and we +bobbed down, thinking she was awaking; when we looked again, her limbs +were more open, and we saw the cunt till it was pinched up, by the +closing of her buttocks. In fear of being caught, we soon crept out, +closed the door ajar, and regained our bedroom, so delighted that we +danced with joy, as we talked about the look of the two cunts; of which, +after all, we had only had a most partial, rapid glimpse. + +Lucy was a very plain girl, and was so as a woman. She had, I recollect, +a very red bloated looking face as she lay (it was so hot); she it was, +who in afterlife my mother cautioned about leaving her infant son to a +nursemaid. + +Mary-Ann was lovely. I used afterwards to look and talk with her, +thinking to myself: "Ah! you have but little idea, that I have seen your +cunt." She was unfortunate; married a cavalry officer, went to India +with him, was left at a station unavoidably by her husband, who was sent +on a campaign, for a whole year; could not bear being deprived of cock, +and was caught in the act of fucking with a drummer boy, a mere lad. +She was separated from him, came back to England, and drank herself to +death. She was a salacious young woman, I think from what I recollect +of her, and am told, was afterwards fucked by a lot of men; but it was a +sore point with the family, and all about her was kept quiet. + +One of Lucy's sons, in after years, I saw fucking a maid in a +summer-house: both standing up against a big table; I was on the roof. +Many years before that, I fucked a nurse-maid, she laying on that table, +in the very same summer-house, as I shall presently tell. + +Fred and I used to discuss the look of his sisters' and mother's +cunts, as if they had belonged to strangers. The redness of the line +in Mary-Ann's quim astonished us. I do not recollect having even then, +formed any definite notion of what a girl's cunt was, though we had seen +the splits, but had still, and till much further on, the notion that the +hole was round, and close to where the clitoris is, having no idea then +of what a clitoris was, though we had got an Aristotle and used to read +it greedily; the glimpse of the two cunts were but momentary, and our +excitement confused our recollections. + +Fred and I then formed a plot to look at another girl's cunt; who the +girl was, I don't know, it may have been another of Fred's sisters, or +a cousin by another of my aunts, but I think not; at all events she was +stopping in aunt's house, and from her height, which was less than that +of Fred and myself, I should think a girl of about eleven or twelve +years of age. I scrupulously avoid stating anything positively, unless +quite certain. Some years afterwards when we were very young men, we +did the same thing with a female cousin (but not his sister), as I shall +tell. + +There was haymaking. We romped with the girl, buried each other in hay, +pulled each other out, and so on. I was buried in the hay and dragged +out by my legs by Fred and the girl. Then Fred was: then we buried the +girl, and as Fred pulled her out he threw up her clothes, I lay over her +head, which was covered with hay. Fred saw, winked and nodded. It came +to my turn again to be buried, and then hers; I laid hold of her legs +and pulling them from under the hay, saw her thighs, I pushed her knees +up, and had a glimpse of the slit, which was quite hairless. My aunt +and others were in the very field, but had no idea of the game we were +playing, the girl romping with us, had no idea, that we were looking at +her cunt, and an instantaneous peep only it was. + +What effect sensuously, these glimpses of cunt, had on me, I don't know; +but have no recollection of sexual desire, nor of mine nor Fred's cock +being stiff. I expect that what with games, and our studies, that after +all the time we devoted to thinking about women, was not long, and +curiosity our sole motive in doing what we did. I clearly recollect our +talking at that time about fucking, and wondering if it were true or a +lie. We could repeat what we had read, and heard, but it still seemed +improbable to me that a cock should go up a cunt, and the result be a +child. + +Then a passionate liking for females came over me; I fell in sort of +love with a lady who must have been forty, and had a sad feeling about +her, that is all I recollect. Then I began to follow servants about, +on the hope of seeing their legs, or seeing them piddle, or for some +undefined object: but that I was always looking after them, I know very +well. + +Then (I know now) my father got into difficulties, we moved into a +smaller house, the governess went away, I was sent to another school, +one of my brothers and sisters died; my father went abroad to look after +some plantations, and after a year's absence came back and died, +leaving my mother, in what compared with our former condition, were poor +circumstances, but this in due course will be more fully told. + +I think I went to school, though not long before what I am going to tell +of happened, but am not certain, if so, I must have seen boys frigging; +yet as far as I can arrange in my mind the order of events, I first saw +a boy doing that, in my own bed-room at home. + +I was somewhere, I suppose, about thirteen years of age, when a distant +relative came from the country, to stay with us, until he was put to +some great school. He was the son of a clergyman, and must have been +fifteen, or perhaps sixteen years old, and was strongly pitted with the +small-pox. I had never seen him before, and took a strong dislike to +him; the family were poor, this boy was intended for a clergyman. I +was excessively annoyed, that he was to sleep with me, but in our small +house, there was just then no other place for him. + +How many nights he slept in my bed, I don't recollect, it can have been +but few; One evening in bed he felt my prick; repulsing him at first, I +nevertheless afterwards felt his, and recollect our hands crossing each +other and our thighs being close together. Awaking one morning, I felt +his belly up against my rump, and his feeling or pushing his prick +against my arse, putting my hand back, I pushed him away; then I found +it pushing quickly backwards and forwards between my thighs, and his +hand, passed over my hips, was grasping my cock. Turning round, I faced +him; he asked me to turn round again, and said I might do it to him +afterwards, but nothing more was done. An unpleasant feeling about +sleeping with him is in my memory, but as said, I disliked him. + +The next night undressing, he showed me his prick, stiff, as he sat +naked on a chair; it was an exceedingly long, but thin article; he told +me about frigging, and said he would frig me, if I would frig him. He +commenced moving his hand quickly up and down, on his prick, which got +stiffer and stiffer, he jerked up one leg, then the other, shut his eyes +and altogether looked so strange, that I thought he was going to have +a fit; then out spurted little pasty lumps, whilst he snorted, as some +people do in their sleep, and fell back in the chair with his eyes +closed; then I saw stuff running thinner over his knuckles. I was +strangely fascinated as I looked at him, and at what was on the carpet, +but half thought he was ill; he then told me it was great pleasure, and +was eloquent about it. Even now, as it did then, the evening seemed to +me a nasty unpleasant one, yet I let him get hold of my prick and frig +it, but had no sensation of pleasure, he said, "your skin won't come +off, what a funny prick;" that annoyed me, and I would not let him do +more; we talked till our candle burnt out; he stamped out the sperm on +the carpet, saying the servants would think we had been spitting. Then +we got into bed. + +Afterwards he frigged himself several times before me, and at his +request I frigged him, wondering at the result, and amused, yet at the +same time much disgusted. When frigging him one day; he said it was +lovely to do it in an arse-hole, that he and his brother took it in +turns that way: it was lovely, heavenly! would I let him do it to me. +In my innocence I told him, it was impossible and that I thought him a +liar. He soon left us and went to college. I saw him once or twice after +this, in later years, but at a very early age he drowned himself. I told +my cousin Fred about this when I saw him; Fred believed in the frigging, +but thought him a liar about the arse-hole business, just as I did. This +was the first time I ever saw frigging and male semen, and it opened my +eyes. + +Though now at a public school, I was shy, and reserved, but greedily +listened to all the lewed talk, of which I did not believe a great deal. +I became one of a group of boys of the same tastes as myself. One day +some of them coaxed me into a privy, and there, in spite of me, pulled +out my cock, threw me down, held me, and each one spat upon it, and +that initiated me into their society. They had what they called +cocks-all-round: anyone admitted to the set, was entitled to feel +the others' cocks. I felt theirs, but again to my mortification, the +tightness of my prepuce caused jeering at me; I was glad to hear that +there was another boy at the school in the same predicament, though I +never saw his. This confirmed me in avoiding my companions, when they +were playing at cocks-all-round; being a day scholar only, I was not +forced at all times into their intimacy, as I should have been had I +been a boarder. + +We had a very large playground; beyond it were fields, orchards and +walks of large extent reserved for the use of the two head-masters' +families, many of whom were girls. On Saturday half-holidays only, if +the fruit was not ripe, we were allowed to range certain fields, and the +long bough-covered paths, which surrounded them. Two or three boys of +my set told me mysteriously one afternoon, that when the others had gone +ahead, we were to meet in the play-ground privy, in which were seats for +three boys of a row, and I was to be initiated into a secret without my +asking. I was surprised at what took place, there was usually an usher +in the play-ground in play-hours, and if boys were too long at the +privy, he went there, and made them come out. On the Saturdays, he went +out with the boys into the fields: there was no door to the privy, I +should add, it was a largish building. + +One by one, from different directions, some dodging among trees which +bordered one side of the playground, appeared boys. I think there were +five or six together in the privy, then it was cocks-all-round, and +every boy frigged himself. I would not, at first. Why? I don't know. +At length incited, I tried, my cock would not stand, and vexed and +mortified, I withdrew, after swearing not to split on them, on pain of +being kicked and cut. I don't think I was one of the party again, though +I saw each of the same boys frig himself in the privy when alone with +me, at some time or another. + +After this a boy asked me to come to a privy with him in school time, +and he would show me how to do it. Only two boys were allowed to go +to those closets at the same time, during school time. There were two +wooden legs with keys hung up on the wall by string: a boy if he wanted +to ease himself looked to see if a log and key was hanging up, and +if there was, stood out in the centre of the room; by that the master +understood what he wanted. If he nodded, the boy took the key and went +to the bog-house (no water-closets then), and when he returned, he +hung up the log in its place. Those privies were close together, and +separate, there were but two of them. + +"You wait till there are two logs hanging up, and directly I get one, +you get up and come after me." Soon we were both in one privy together. +"Let's frig," said he; we were only allowed to be away five minutes. Out +he pulled his prick, then out I pulled mine; he tried to pull my skin +back, and could only half do it, he frigged himself successfully, but +I could not. He had a very small prick compared with mine. How I envied +him the ease with which he covered and uncovered the red tip. I frigged +that boy one day, but finding my cock was becoming a talk among our set, +I shrunk from going to their frigging parties, which I have seen even +take place in a field, boys sitting at the edge of a ditch, whilst one +stood up to watch if anyone approached. When they were frigging in the +privy, a boy always stood in the open door on the watch, and his time +for frigging came afterwards. + +With this set I began to look through the Bible, and study all the +carnal passages; no book ever gave us perhaps such prolonged, studious, +baudy amusement; we could not understand much, but guessed a good deal. + +Before I had seen anyone frig, I had been permitted to read novels, not +a moment of my time when not at studies was I without one. My father +used to select them for me at first, but soon left me to myself, and +now he was dead, I devoured what books I liked, hunting for the love +passages, thinking of the beauty of the women, reading over and over +again, the description of their charms, and envying their love meetings. +I used to stop at print-shop windows and gaze with delight at the +portraits of pretty women, and bought some at six pence each, and stuck +them into a scrap-book. Although a big fellow for my age, I would sit +on the lap of any woman who would let me, and kiss her. My mother in her +innocence called me a great girl, but she neverthless forbid it. I was +passionately fond of dancing and annoyed when they indicated a girl of +my own age, or younger, to dance with. + +These feelings got intensified, when I thought of my aunt's backside, +and the cunts of my cousins, but when I thought of the heroines, it +seemed strange that such beautiful creatures should have any. The cunt +which seemed to have affected my imagination, was that of my aunt, which +appeared more like a great parting, or division of her body, than a cunt +as I then understood it; as if her buttock parting was continued round +towards her belly, and as unlike the young cunts I had seen as possible. +Those seemed to be but little indents. That the delicate ladies of the +novels should have such divisions seemed curious, ugly, and unromantic. +My sensuous temperament was developing, I saw females in all their +poetry and beauty, but suppose that my physical forces had not kept pace +with my brain, for I have no recollection of a cock-stand, when thinking +about ladies; and fucking never entered into my mind, either when I +read novels, or kissed women, though the pleasure I had when my lips met +theirs, or touched their smooth, soft cheeks was great. I recollect the +delight it gave me perfectly. + +After having seen frigging, it set me reflecting, but it still seemed to +me impossible, that delicate, handsome ladies, should allow pricks to +be thrust up them, and nasty stuff ejected into them. I read Aristotle, +tried to understand it, and thought I did, with the help of much talk +with my schoolfellows; yet I only half believed it. Dogs fucking were +pointed out to me; then cocks treading hens, and at last a fuller belief +came. + +I began then, I recollect, to think of their cunts when I kissed women, +and then of my aunt's; I could not keep my eyes off of her, for thinking +of her large backside and the gap between her thighs; it was the +same with my cousins. Then I began to have cock-stands and suppose a +pleasurable feeling about the machine, though I do not recollect that. I +then found out that servants were fair game, and soon there was not one +in the house whom I had not kissed. I had a soft voice and have heard, +an insinuating way, was timorous, feared repulse, and above all being +found out; yet I succeeded. Some of the servants must have liked it, +who called me a foolish boy at first; for they would stop with me on a +landing, or in a room, when we were alone, and let me kiss them for a +minute together. There was one, I recollect, who rubbed her lips into +mine, till I felt them on my teeth, but of what she was like, I have no +recollection, and I did not like her doing that to me. + +My curiosity became stronger, I got bolder, told servants I meant to see +them wash themselves, and used to wait inside by bed-room, till I heard +one of them come up to dress. I knew the time each usually went to her +bedroom for that purpose, the person most in my way was the nurse: she +after a time left, and mother nursed her own children. "Let's see your +neck; do, there is a dear," I would say. "Nonsense, what next?" "Do, +dear, there is no harm; I only want to see as much as ladies show at +balls." I wheedled one to stand at the door in her petticoats and show +her neck across the bedroom lobby. The stays were high and queerly made +in those days, the chemises pulled over the top of them like flaps. One +or two let me kiss their necks, a girl one day said to my entreaties, +"Well, only for a minute," and easing up one breast, she showed me +the nipple, I threw my arms around her, buried my face in her neck and +kissed it. "I like the smell of your breast and flesh," said I. She was +a biggish woman, and I dare say I smelt breasts and armpits together; +but whatever the compound, it was delicious to me, it seemed to enervate +me. The same woman, when I kissed her on the sly afterwards, let me +put my nose down her neck to smell her. We were interrupted. "There is +someone coming," said she, moving away. + +"What makes ladies smell so nice?" said I to my mother one day. My +mother put down her work and laughed to herself. "I don't know that they +smell nice." + +"Yes, they do, and particularly when they have low dresses on." +"Ladies," said mother, "use patchouli and other perfumes." I supposed +so, but felt convinced from mother's manner, that I had asked a question +which embarrassed her. + +I used to lean over the backs of the chairs of ladies, get my face as +near to their necks as I could, quietly inhale their odours, and talk +all the time. Not every woman smelt nice to me, and when they did, it +was not patchouli, for I got patchouli, which I liked, and perfumed +myself with it. This delicate sense of smell of a woman I have had +throughout life, it was ravishing to me afterwards, when I embraced the +naked body of a fresh, healthy young woman. + +From about this time of my life, I recollect striking events much more +clearly, yet the circumstances which led up to them or succeeded them I +often cannot. One day, Miss Granger, our former governess, came to see +us. I kissed her. Mother said: "Wattie, you must not kiss ladies in that +way, you are too big." I sat Miss Granger on my lap in fun (my mother +then in the room), and romped with her. Mother left us in the room, and +then seating Miss Granger on my lap again, I pulled her closely to me. +"Kiss me, she's gone," I said. "Oh! what a boy," and she kissed me, +saying, "let me go now--your mamma is coming." It came into my mind that +I had had my hand up her clothes, and had felt hair between her legs. +My prick stiffening in thinking of a women. I clutched her hard, put +one hand on to her and did something I know not what. She said: "You are +rude, Wattie." Then I pinched her and said: "Oh! what a big bosom you +have." "Hish! hish!" said she. She was a tallish woman with brown hair; +I have heard my mother say she was about thirty years of age. + +A memorable episode then occured. There were two sisters, with other +female servants, in our house. My father was abroad at that time; I was +growing so rapidly, that every month they could see a difference in my +height, but was very weak. My godfather used to look at me, and severely +ask if I was up to tricks with the boys. I guessed then what he meant, +but always said I did not know what he meant. "Yes, you do; yes, you +do," he would say, staring hard at me, "you take care, or you'll die in +a mad-house, if you do, and I shall know by your face, not a farthing +more will I give you." He had been a surgeon-major in the Army, and gave +me much pocket-money. I could not bear his looking at me so; he would +ask me why I turned down my eyes. + +About this time, I had had a fever, had not been to school for a long +time, and used to lie on the sofa reading novels all day. Miss Granger +had come to stop with my mother. One day I put my hand up her clothes, +nearly to her knees; that offended her, and she left off kissing me. +One of my little sisters slept with her, in a room adjoining my mother's +room; I slept now on the servants floor, at the top of the house. Again +I recollect my cock standing when near Miss Granger, but recollect +nothing else. + +I was then ordered by my mother to cease speaking to the servants, +excepting when I wanted anything, though I am sure my mother never +suspected my kissing one. I obeyed her hypocritically, and was even at +times reprimanded for speaking to them, in too imperious a tone. She +told me to speak to servants respectfully. For all that I was after +them, my curiosity was unsatiable, I know the time each went up to +dress, or for other purposes, and if at home, would get into the lobby, +or near the staircase, to see their legs, as they went upstairs. I would +listen at their door, trying to hear them piss, and began for the first +time to peep through keyholes at them. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + A big servant.--Two sisters.--Armpits.--A quiet feel.-- + Baudy reveries.--Felt by a woman.--Erections.--My prepuce.-- + Seeing and feeling.--Aunt and cousin.--A servant's thighs.-- + Not man enough. + +A big servant, of whom I shall say much, had most of my attention; +she went to her room usually when my mother was taking a nap in the +afternoon; or when out with my sisters and brother. When I was ill in +bed, this big woman usually brought me beef-tea, I used to make her kiss +me, and felt so fond of her, would throw my arms around her, and hold +her to me, keeping my lips to hers, and saying how I should like to see +her breasts; to all which she replied in the softest voice, as if I were +a baby. I wonder now if my homage gave the big woman pleasure, or +my amatory pressures made her ever feel randy. She was engaged to be +married, but I only heard that at a later day, when my mother talked +about her; her sister was also with us, as already said. + +The sister was handsome, according to my notions then (I now begin to +remember faces clearly); both had bright, clear complexions. I kissed +both, each used to say, "Don't tell my sister," and ask, "Have you +kissed my sister?" I was naturally cunning about women, and my mother +said, she must get rid of them. + +The youngest was often dancing my little sister round in the room, then +swinging herself round, and making cheeses with her petticoats. As I got +better, I would lay on the rug with a pillow, and my back to the light +reading, and say it rested me better, to be on the floor, but in hope of +seeing her legs as she made cheeses. I often did, and have no doubt now +that she meant me to do so, for she would swing round, quite close to my +head, so that I could see to her knees, and make her petticoat's edge +as she squatted, just over my head, immediately snatching her petticoats +back and saying: "Oh! you'll see more than is good for you." + +It used to excite me. One day as she did it, and squatted, I put out +my hand and pulled her clothes, she rolled on to her back, threw up +her legs quite high, and for a second I saw her thighs; she recovered +herself, laughing. "I saw your thighs," said I. "That you didn't." One +day she let me put my hand into her bosom; I sniffed. "What's there to +smell?" said she. I have some idea that she used to watch me closely, +when I was with her sister, as she was always looking after her, and +before she kissed me, would open the door suddenly or go out of the +room, and then return. I've seen the other sister just outside the door +of the room, when suddenly opened. + +The big sister must have been five feet nine high, and large in +proportion; the impression on my mind, is that she was two and twenty: +that age dwells in my recollection, and that my mother remarked it. She +had brown hair and eyes, I recollect well the features of the woman. +Her lower lip was like a cherry, having a distinct cut down the middle, +caused she said by the bite of a parrot, which nearly severed her lip +when a girl. This feature I recollect more clearly than anything else. +My mother remarked that though so big, she was lighter in tread, than +anyone in the house, her voice was so soft, it was like a whisper or a +flute; her name was I think Betsy. + +I had none of the dash, and determination towards females, which I had +in after life; was hesitating, fearful of being repulsed, or found +out, but was coaxing and wheedling. Betsy used to take charge of my two +little sisters (there was no regular nursery then), and used to sit with +them in a room adjoining our dining room; it had a settee, and a large +sofa in it, we usually breakfasted there. She waited also at table, and +did miscellaneous work. I am pretty certain that we had then no man in +the house. I used to lie down on the sofa in this room. One day I talked +with her about her lip, put my head up and said: "Do let me kiss it." +She put her lips to mine, and soon after if I was not kissing her +sister, I was kissing her regularly, when my mother was out of the way. + +One day when she went up to her bed-room, I went softly after her, as +I often did, hoping to hear her piddling. Her door was ajar, one of +my little sisters was in the room with her, I expect I must have had +incipient randiness on me. She taught the child to walk up stairs in +front of her, holding her up, and in stooping to do so, I had glimpses +of her fat calves. At the door, I could not see her wash, that was done +at the other side of the room, but I heard the splash of water, and to +my delight, the pot moved, and her piddle rattle. The looking-glass was +near the window. Then she moved to the glass, and brushed her hair, her +gown off, and now I saw her legs, and most of her breast, which looked +to me enormous. + +Then I noticed hair in her armpits; it must have been the first time I +noticed any thing of the sort, for I told a boy afterwards, that grown +women had hair under their armpits; he said every fool knew that. When +she had done brushing, she turned round, and passing the door, shut it: +she had not seen me. + +I fell in love with this woman, an undefined want took possession of me, +I was always kissing her, and she returned it without hesitation. "Hush! +your mamma's coming"; then she would work, or do something with the +children if there, as demurely as possible. I declare positively as I +write this, that I believe I gave that woman a lewed pleasure in kissing +me, her kisses were so much like those I have had from women, I have +fucked in after years, so long, and soft, and squeezing. + +One day, I was in the sitting-room laying on the sofa reading, she +sitting and working; where the children were, where my mother was, I +can't say: they must have been out, why this servant was in the room +with me alone, I don't know. On a table was something the doctor had +ordered me to sip, from time to time. "Come and sit near me, I like to +touch you, dear" (I used to say dear to her). She drew her chair to the +sofa, so that her thighs were near my head, she handed me my medicine, +I turned on one side, put my head on her lap, and then my hand on her +knee. "Kiss me." "I can't." I moved my head up and she bent forward and +kissed. "Keep your face to mine, I want to tell you something." Then +I told her I had seen her brushing her hair, her breasts, her armpits. +"Oh! you sly boy! you naughty boy! you must not do it again, will you?" +"Won't I, if I get the chance; put your head down, I've something more +to tell you." "What?" "I can't if you look at me; put your ear to my +mouth." + +I was longing to tell her, and could not do it whilst she looked at me. +I recollect my bashfulness perfectly, and more than that, my fear of +saying what I wanted to say. + +She bent her ear to my mouth. "I heard you piddle." "Oh! you naughty!" +and she burst into a quiet laugh. "I'll take care to shut the door in +future." I let my hand drop by the side of the sofa, laid hold of her +ankle, then the calve of her leg (without resistance); then up I slid +it gently, and gradually above her garter, and felt the flesh; she was +threading a needle. As I touched the thigh, she pressed both hands down +on to her thighs, barring further investigation. "Now, Wattie, you're +taking too much liberty, because I've let you feel my ankles." I whined, +I moaned. "Oh do dear, do, kiss me dear; only for a minute." I tried +very gently to push my hand (it was my left hand) further. "What do you +want?" "I want to feel it, oh! kiss me--let me,--do,--Betsy, do," and I +raised my head. + +Sitting bent forward towards me as I lay, until she was nearly double, +she put her lips to mine and kissing me said: "What a rude, boy you are, +what do you expect to find?" "I know what it's called, and it's hairy, +isn't it, dear?" Her hands relaxed, she laughed, my left hand slid up, +until I felt the bottom of her belly. I could only twiddle my fingers +in the hair, could feel no split, or hole, was too excited to think, too +ignorant of the nature of the female article; but oh the intense delight +I felt at the touch of the warm thighs, and the hair, which now I knew +was outside the cunt, somewhere, I recollect my delight perfectly. + +She kept on kissing me, saying in a whisper, "what a rude boy you are." +Then I whispered modestly, all I had read, told of the Aristotle I had +hidden in my cupboard, and she asked me to lend her the book. I touched +nothing but hair, her thighs must have been quite closed, and a big +stay-bone dug into my hand and hurt it, as I moved it about. I have felt +that obstacle to my enterprise in years later on, with other women. + +Then came over me a voluptuous sensation, as if I was fainting with +pleasure, I seem to have a dream of her lips meeting mine, of her saying +oh! for shame I of the tips of my fingers entangling in hair, of the +warmth of the flesh of her thighs upon my hand, of a sense of moisture +on it, but I recollect nothing more distinctly. + +Afterwards she seems to have absorbed me. I ceased speaking to her +sister, and could think of nothing but her neck, legs and the hair at +the bottom of her belly. I was several times in the same room with +her, and was permitted the same liberties, but no others. I lent +her Aristotle, which I had borrowed, and one day recollect my prick +stiffening, and a strange overwhelming, utterly indescribable feeling +coming over me, of my desire to say to her "cunt," and to make her feel +me, and at the same time a fear and a dread overtook me, that my cock +was not like other cocks, and that she might laugh at me. After that, I +used to pull the skin down violently every day, I bled, but succeeded; +it became slightly easier to do so, yet I have no recollection of having +a desire to fuck that woman, all that I recollect of my sensations I +have here described. + +I was still ill, for there was brought me to my bed at nights, a cup of +arrowroot. My mother usually did this, but sometimes the big woman did, +I was so glad, when my mother did not. Then I would kiss her as if I +never wanted to part with her, put my hand out of bed, scramble it up +her clothes, till I could feel the hair. Then she would jut her bum +back, so that I could not touch more. One night my prick stood, "Take +the light outside," I said, "I've something to say to you." The door was +half open when she had complied; the gleam of the light struck across +the room, my bed was in the shade, "do let me feel you further, dear +and kiss me." "You naughty boy!" but we kissed. Again I felt her thighs, +belly and hair. "What good does it do you, doing that," she said. I took +hold of her hand, and put it under the bed-clothes on to my prick. She +bent over me, kissing and saying "naughty boy," but feeling the cock, +and all round it, how long, I can't say, "oh! I'd like to feel your +hole," I said. "Hish!" said she, going out of the room, and closing the +door. + +She felt me several times afterwards. When my mother brought me the +arrowroot, she having an idea, that I liked her to do so, I would not +take it, saying it was too hot. She said, "I can't wait, Wattie, while +it cools." "Don't care, mamma, I don't want it." "But you must take it." +"Put it down then." "Well, don't go to sleep, and I'll send Betsy +up with it in a few minutes." Up Betsy would come, and quickly and +voluptuously kissing, keeping her lips on mine for two or three minutes +at a time, she would glide her hand down and feel my cock, whilst my +fingers were on her motte, her thighs closed, then she would glide out +of the room. I never got my hand between her thighs, I am sure. + +I used to long to talk to her about all I had heard, but don't think I +ever did more than I have told, for I had a fear about using baudy words +to a woman, though I already used them freely enough among boys. + +I used to talk only of her hole, my thing, of doing it, and so forth; +but what made her laugh was my calling it pudendum, a word I had got out +of Aristotle and my latin dictionary. In spite of all this, and of the +voluptuous sensations, which used to creep over me, I have no clear, +defined, recollection of wishing to fuck her, nor did I ever say +anything smutty, if I could see her face. + +I got better. Then she refused either to feel me, or let me feel her, +on account of my boldness. One day, just at dusk, she was closing the +dining-room shutters, I went behind her, and after pulling her head back +to kiss me, stooped and pulled up her clothes to her waist; it exposed +her entire backside. Oh how white and huge it seemed to me. She moved +quickly round not hollowing out, but saying quietly: "What are you +doing? don't, now!" As she turned round, so did I, gloating over her +bum, then laid both hands on it, slid them round her thighs, and rapidly +kneeling down, put my lips on to the flesh, her petticoats fell over my +head. She dislodged me, saying she would never speak with me again. She +never either felt me, or permitted me, any liberties afterwards, and +soon left. One or two years after that, she came to see my mother with +her baby. She smiled at me. I don't recollect what became of her sister, +but think she soon left us also. + +My physique could not then have been strong, nor my sexual organs in +finished condition, because I am sure that up to that time, I had +not had a spend; perhaps my growing fast and the fever, may have had +something to do with it. My father came home broken hearted I have +heard, and ill. Soon after we only kept two female servants, a man +outside the house, and a gardener. Father was ordered to the sea-side, +my mother went with him, taking the children and one servant (all went +by coach then). One of father's sisters, my aunt, a widow, came to take +charge of our new house, and brought her daughter, a fair, slim girl, +about 16 years old. + +I remained at home, so as to go to school; the servant left in the house +was a pleasant, plump young woman, dark haired, and was always laughing; +she was to do all the work. My godfather who lived a mile or two away +from us, and whose maiden sister kept house for him, was to see me +frequently, and did so till I was sick of him. Every half-holiday, +he made me spend with him in walking, and riding; he insisted on my +boating, cricketting and keeping at athletic games, when not at my +studies. The old doctor I expect guessed my temperament, and thought by +thoroughly occupying, and fatiguing me, to prevent erotic thoughts. He +wanted me to stay at his house, but I refused, and it being a longer way +from my school, it was not persisted in. + +My aunt slept in my parents bed-room, my cousin in the next room. I was +taken down, during my parents' absence, from the upper floor, to sleep +on the same floor as my aunt. They had not been in the house a week +before I had heard my cousin piddle, and stood listening outside her +bed-room door, night after night, in my bed-gown, trying to get a +glimpse of her charms through the key-hole, but was not successful. + +I made up to the servant, beginning when she was kneeling, by putting +myself on her back. It made her laugh, she gave her back a buck up, and +threw me over; then I kissed her, and she kissed me. She and my aunt +quarrelled, my aunt was very poor and proud, and wanted a hot dinner at +seven o'clock, I my dinner in the middle of the day. The servant said +she could not do it all. The girl said quietly to me, "I'll cook for you, +don't you go without, let her do without anything hot at night." She did +not like her. My aunt said she was saucy and would write to my mother +and complain that she wasted her time with the gardener. Godfather then +renewed his offer for me to stay with him, but I would not, for I was +getting on very comfortably with the servant in kissing, and things +settled themselves somehow. I learnt the ways of my aunt, and tried to +get home when she was out, so as to be alone with the servant; but +to escape both aunt and godfather was difficult. I did so at times by +saying I was going out with the boys somewhere, on my half-holidays, or +something of the sort, but was rarely successful. + +The servant went to her bed-room, one afternoon; with palpitating +heart I followed her, and pushed her on to the bed. She was a cheeky, +chaffing, woman, and I guess knew better than I did, what I was about. I +recollect her falling back on to the bed, and showing to her knees. "Oh +I what legs!" said I, "Nothing to be ashamed of," said she. Whatever my +wishes or intentions might have been, I went no further. My relations +were of course cut. + +Another day we romped, and pelted each other with the pillows from her +bed, she stood on the landing, I half way down the stairs, and kept when +I could, my head just level with the top of the landing on which she +was, so that as she whisked backwards and forwards, picking up the +pillows to heave at me, I saw up to her knees. She knew what she was +about, though I thought myself very cunning to manage to get such +glimpses. On the landing I grappled with her for a pillow, and we rolled +on the floor. I got my hand up her clothes, to her thighs, and felt the +hair. "That's your thing," said I with a burst of courage. "Oh! oh!" she +laughed, "what did you say?" "Your thing!" "My thing! what's that?" "The +hole at the bottom of your belly," said I, ashamed at what I uttered. +"What do you mean? who told you that? I've no hole." It is strange but +a fact, that I had no courage to say any more, but left off playing, and +went down stairs. + +On occasions afterwards, I played more roughly with her, and felt her +thighs; but fear prevented me from going further up. She gave me lots of +opportunities, which my timidity, prevented me from availing myself of. +One day she said: "you are not game for much, although you are so big," +and then kissed me long and furiously, but I never saw her wants, nor my +chances that I know of, though I see now plainly enough, that boy as I +was, she wanted me to mount her. + +About that time,--how I got it, I know not,--I had a book describing the +diseases caused by sacrificing to Venus. The illustrations in the book, +of faces covered with scabs, blotches, and eruptions, took such hold +of my mind, that for twenty years afterwards, the fear was not quite +eradicated. I showed them to some friends, and we all got scared. I had +no definite idea of what syphilis, and gonorrhea were, but that both +were something awful, we all made up our minds. My godfather also used +to hint now to me about ailments men got, by acquaintance with loose, +bad, women; perhaps he put the book in my way. Frigging also was treated +of, and the terrible accounts of people dying through it, and being +put into straight waistcoats, etc., I have no doubt was useful to me. +Several of us boys were days in finding out what the book meant, by +masturbation, ononism, or whatever, the language may have been. We used +dictionaries and other books to help us, and at last one of the biggest +boys explained the meaning to us. + +One evening my aunt being out (it was not I think any plan on my part), +I had something to eat, and then went into the kitchen, where the +servant was sitting at needle-work by candle-light. I talked, kissed, +coaxed her, began to pull up her clothes, and it ended in her running +round the kitchen, and my chasing her; both laughing, stopping at +intervals, to hear if my aunt knocked. "I'll go and lock the outer +gate," said she, "then your aunt must ring, if she comes up to the door, +she will hear us, for you make such a noise." She locked it and came +back again. + +The kitchen was on the ground-floor, separated from the body of the +house by a short passage. I got her on to my knees, I was now a big +fellow, and though but a boy, my voice was changing, she chaffed me +about that; then my hand went up her petticoats, and she gave me such a +violent pinch on my cock (outside the clothes), that I yelled. Whenever +I was getting the better of her in our amatory struggles, she said "oh! +hush! there is your aunt knocking," and frightened me away, but at last +she was sitting on my knees, my hand touching her thighs, she feeling +my prick, she felt all round it and under. "You have no hair," she said. +That annoyed me, for I had just a little growing. Then how it came about +I don't recollect, but she consented to go into the parlor with me, +after we had sat together feeling each other for a time, if mine could +be called feeling, when my lingers only touched the top of the notch. +I took up the candle. "I won't go if you bring a light," said she, so I +put down the candle, and holding her by the arm, we walked through the +passage across the little hall, to the front parlour; she closed the +door, and we were in the dark. And now I only recollect generally what +took place, it seems as if it all could but have occupied a minute, or +two, though experience tells me it must have been longer. + +We sat on a settee or sofa, she had hold of my prick, and I her cunt, +for she now sat with thighs quite wide open. It was my first real feel +of a woman, and she meant me to feel well. How large and hairy, and wet +it seemed; its size overwhelmed me with astonishment, I did not find the +hole, don't recollect feeling for that, am sure I never put my finger in +it, all seemed cunt below her belly, wet, and warm, and slippery. "Make +haste, your aunt will be in soon," said she softly, but I was engrossed +with the cunt, in twiddling it and feeling it in delighted wonder at +its size, and other qualities. "Your aunt will be in," and leaving off +feeling my cock, she laid half on, half off the settee. "No, no, not +so," I recollect the words, but what I was doing, know not; then I +was standing by her side, my cock stiff, and still feeling her cunt in +bewilderment. "I can't... stop..., get on to the sofa." I laid half over +her, my prick touched something--her cunt of course. Whether it went in +or not, God knows, I pushed, it felt smooth to my prick, then suddenly +came over me, a fear of some horrible disease, and I ceased whatever I +was doing. "Go on, go on," said she, moving her belly up. I could not, +said nothing, but sat down by her side, she rose up, "You're not man +enough," said she, laying hold of my prick. It was not stiff, I put my +hand down, and again the great size--as it seemed to me--of her cunt, +made me wonder. + +What then she did with me, I know not, she may have frigged it, I think +she did, but can't say, a sense of disgrace had come over me, as she +said I was not man enough, disgrace mixed with fear of disease. "Let +me try," said I; again she laid back, I have a faint recollection of my +finger going in somewhere deep, again of my prick touching her thighs +and rubbing in something smooth, but nothing more. "You're not man +enough" said she again. A ring... "Hark! it's your aunt, go!" and it +was. + +I went into the adjoining room, where my books were and a lamp, she went +to the street-door. My aunt and cousin came in, and went up to their +bed-rooms, I sat smelling my fingers; the full smell of cunt that I +had for the first time. I smelt and smelt almost out of my senses, sat +pouring over a book, seeming to read, but with my fingers to my nose and +thinking of cunt, its wonderful size and smell. Aunt came down. "Have +you got a cold, Wattie?" "No, aunt." "Your eyes look quite inflamed, +child." Soon after again, she said: "You have a cold." "No, aunt." "Why +are you sniffing so, and holding your hand to your mouth?" Suddenly +the fear of the pox came over me, I went up to the bedroom, soaped and +washed my prick, and had a terrible fear on me. + +I was overwhelmed with a mixed feeling of pride, at having had my prick +either touch or go up a cunt, fear that I had caught disease, and shame +at not being man enough. Instinct told me, I had lost, in the eyes of +the woman; and my pride was hurt in a woeful manner. I tried to avoid +seeing her, instead of as before getting excitedly into a room, where +she was likely to be alone for a minute. I did that for three days, then +fear of disease vanished, and my hopes of feeling her cunt again, or of +poking--I don't know which--impelled me towards her. + +During those three days, I washed my prick at every possible +opportunity, and thought of nothing else but the incident; all seemed to +me hurry, confusion, impossible, I wondered, and wonder still, whether +my prick went into her or not; but above all, the largeness of the cunt +filled me with wonder; for though I had had rapid glimpses of cunts as +told, and had now seen a few pictures of the long slit, I never could +realise that that was only the outside of the cunt, until I had had a +woman. My fingers had no doubt slipped over the surface of hers, +from clitoris to arse-hole; the space my hand covered filled me with +astonishment, as well as the smell it left on my fingers, I thought of +that more than anything else. This seems to me now laughable, but it was +a marvel to me then. + +When I sneaked into the kitchen again, I was ashamed to look at her, and +left almost directly, but one day I felt her again, laughing she put her +hand outside my trousers, gave my doodle a gentle pinch and kissed me. +"Let's do it!" I said. "Lor! you ain't man enough," and again I slunk +away ashamed. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + My first frig.--My godfather.--Meditations on copulation.-- + Male and female aromas.--Maid and gardener.--My father + dies.--A wet dream.--Bilked by a whore. + +The frequency of my cock-stands, up to this time I don't know. +Voluptuous sensation, I have no clear recollection of; but no doubt +during that half swooning delight, which I had when big Betsy allowed me +to lay my head on her lap and feel her limbs, that impulse towards the +woman was accompanied by sensuous pleasure, though I don't recollect the +fact, but soon my manhood was to declare itself. + +Some time after I had felt this servant's quim, I noticed a strong +smelling, whitish stuff inside my foreskin, making the underside of the +tip of the prick sore. At first I thought it disease, then pulling the +foreskin up, I made it into a sort of cup, dropped warm water into +it, and working it about, washed all round the nut, and let the randy +smelling infusion escape. This marked my need for a woman, I did not +know what the exudation was, it made me in a funk at first. One day I +had been toying with the girl, had a cockstand, and felt again my prick +sore, and was washing it with warm water, when it swelled up. I rubbed +it through my hand, which gave me unusual pleasure, then a voluptuous +sensation came over me quickly so thrilling and all pervading that I +shall never forget it. I sunk on to a chair, feeling my cock gently, the +next instant spunk jotted out in large drops, a full yard in front of +me, and a thinner liquid rolled over my knuckles. I had frigged myself, +without intending it. + +Then came astonishment, mingled with disgust, I examined the viscid +gruelly fluid with the greatest curiosity, smelt it, and I think tasted +it. Then came fear of my godfather, and of being found out; for all +that, after wiping up my sperm from the floor, I went up to my bed-room, +and locking the door, frigged myself until I could do it no more from +exhaustion. + +I wanted a confident and told two schoolfellows who were brothers, I +could not keep it to myself, and was indeed proud though ashamed to +speak of the pleasure. They both had bigger pricks than mine, and never +had jeered at me because I could not retract my prepuce easily. Soon +after they came to see me, we all went into the garden, each pulled +my prepuce back, I theirs, and then we all frigged ourselves in an +out-house. + +Then I wrote to Fred, who was at a large public school, about my +frigging. He replied that some fellows at his school had been caught at +it, and flogged; that a big boy just going to Oxford had had a woman and +got the pox badly. He begged me to burn his letter, or throw it down the +shit-house directly I had read it, adding that he was in such a funk for +he had lost mine; and that I was never to write to him such things at +the school, because the master opened every day indiscriminately one or +two letters of the boys. He knew my mother was away and so did not mind +writing to me. When I heard that he had lost my letter, I also was in a +funk; the letter never was found. Whether the master got it, or sent it +to my godfather, or not, I can't say, but it is certain that just after +I had one night exhausted myself by masturbation, my godfather came to +see me. + +He stared hard at me. "You look ill." "No, I'm not." "Yes, you are, look +me full in the face, you've been frigging yourself," said he just in so +many words. He had never used an improper word to me before. I denied +it. He raved out, "No denial, sir, no lies, you have sir; don't add +lying to your bestiality, you've been at that filthy trick, I can see +it in your face, you'll die in a mad-house, or of consumption, you shall +never have a farthing more pocket-money from me, and I won't buy your +commission, nor leave you any money at my death." I kept denying it, +brazening it out. "Hold your tongue, you young beast, or I'll write to +your mother." That reduced me to a sullen state, only at times perking +out: "I haven't!" He put on his hat angrily, and left me in a very +uncomfortable state of mind. + +I knew that my father was not so well off as he had been, my mother +always impressed upon me not to offend my godfather, and now I had done +it. I wrote Fred all about it, he said the old beggar was a doctor, and +it was very unfortunate; he wondered if he really did see any signs in +my face, or whether it was a bounce; that I was not to be a fool, and +give in, and still say I hadn't, but had better leave off frigging. + +From that time my godfather was always at my heels, he waited for me at +the schooldoor, spent my half-holidays with me, sat with me and my +aunt of an evening till bed-time, made me ride and drive out with him, +stopped giving me pocket-money altogether, and no one else did; so that +I was not very happy. + +The pleasure of frigging, now I had tasted it (and not before), opened +my eyes more fully to the mystery of the sexes, I seemed at once to +understand why women and men got together, and yet was full of wonder +about it. Spunking seemed a nasty business, the smell of cunt an +extraordinary thing in a woman, whose odour generally to me was so +sweet and intoxicating. I read novels harder than ever, liked being near +females and to look at them more than ever, and whether young or old, +common or gentle, was always looking at them and thinking that they had +cunts which had a strong odour, and wondering if they had been fucked; I +used to stare at aunt and cousins, and wonder the same. It seemed to me +scarcely possible, that the sweet, well dressed, smooth-spoken ladies +who came to our house, could let men put the spunk up their cunts. Then +came the wonder if, and how, women spent; what pleasure they had in +fucking, and so on; in all ways was I wondering about copulation, the +oddity of the gruelly, close smelling sperm being ejected into the hole +between a woman's thighs so astonished me. I often thought the whole +business must be a dream of mine; then that there could be no doubt +about it. Among other doubts, was whether the servant's quim, which had +made by fingers smell, was diseased, or not. Fear of detection perhaps +kept me from frigging, but I was weak and growing fast, and have no +recollection of much desire, though mad to better understand a cunt. It +does not dwell in my mind now that I had a desire to fuck one, but to +see it, and above all, to smell it; the recollection of its aroma seems +to have had a strange effect on me. I did not like it much, yet yearned +to smell it again. Watching my opportunity one day, I managed to feel +the servant; it was dusk, she stood with her back up against the wall, +and felt my prick whilst I felt her; it was an affair of a second or +two, and again we were scared. I went to the sitting-room, and passed +the evening in smelling my fingers and looking at my cousin. This +occurred once again, and I think now, that the servant must just have +been on the point of letting me fuck her, for she had been feeling my +prick and in a jeering way saying, "You are not man enough if I let +you," I emboldened, blurted out that I had spent, I recollect her saying +"oh! you story," and then something put us to flight, I don't now +know what. I certainly was not up to my opportunities, that I see now +plainly. + +I had a taste for chemistry, which served my purpose, as will be seen +further on, and used to experimentalize in what was called a washhouse, +just outside the kitchen, with my acids and alkalis; that enabled me to +slip into the kitchen on the sly, but the plan of the house rendered it +easy, for my aunt to come suddenly into the kitchen. + +My bed-room window overlooked the kitchen yard, in which was this +wash-house, a knife-house and a servant's privy, etc., etc., the whole +surrounded by a wall, with a door in it, leading into the garden. Just +outside on the garden side, was a gardener's shed; the servant in the +morning, used to let the gardener in at the kitchen entrance; and he +passed through this kitchen yard into the garden. I was pissing in the +pot in my bedroom early one morning, and peeping through the blind, when +I saw the servant's head just coming out of the gardener's shed, she +passed through the kitchen yard into the kitchen in great haste, looking +up at the house, as if to see if anyone was at the windows. Then it +occurred to me, that if I got quite early to the kitchen, I could play +my little baudy tricks without fear, for my relatives never went down +till half-past eight to breakfast, whilst the servant went down at six. + +The next morning, I went down early to the kitchen, did not see the +wench, and thinking she might be in the privy in the kitchen yard, +waited. The shutters were not down, after some minutes delay, in she +came; she started. "Hulloh! what are you up for?" I don't think I spoke, +but making a dash, got my hand up her clothes and on to her cunt. She +pushed me away, then caught hold of the hand with which I had touched +her cunt, and squeezed it hard with a rubbing motion, looking at me as I +recollected (but long afterwards), in a funny way. "Hish! hish! here is +the old woman," said she. "It is not." "I'm sure I heard the wires of +her bell," and sure enough there came a ring. Up I went without shoes, +like a shot to my bedroom, began to smell my fingers, found they were +sticky, and the smell not the same. I recollect thinking it strange that +her cunt should be so sticky, I had heard of dirty cunts,--it was a joke +among us boys, and thought hers must have been so, which was the cause, +that the smell and feel were different. + +Two or three days afterwards my mother came to town by herself, there +was a row with the servant, I was told to leave the room; the servant +and gardener were both turned off that day and hour, a char-woman was +had in, a temporary gardener got, and my mother went back to my sick +father. Years passed away, and when I had greater experience and thought +of all this, concluded that my aunt had found the gardener and the +servant amusing themselves too freely, had had them dismissed, and that +the morning I found my fingers sticky, the girl had just come in from +fucking in the gardener's shed. + +With all the opportunities I had, both with big Betsy and with this +woman, I was still virgin. + +When I saw Fred next, he told me he had felt the cunt of one of their +servants. I told him partly what I had done, but kept to myself how I +had failed to poke when I had the opportunity, fearing his jeers; and +as I was obliged to name some woman, mentioned one of my godfather's +servants. He went there to try his chances of groping her as well, but +got his head slapped. We talked much about the smell of cunt, and he +told me that one day after he had felt their servant, he went into the +room where his sisters were, and said, "oh what a funny smell there is +on my fingers, what can it be, smell them." Two of his sisters smelt, +said they could not tell what it was, but it was not nice. Fred used to +say, that he thought they knew it was like the smell of a cunt, because +they colored up so. + +I had noticed a strong smell on my prick, whenever the curdy exudation +had to be washed out. Fred's talk made me imitative, so I saturated my +fingers with the masculine essence one evening, and going to my female +cousin, "oh what a queer smell there is on my fingers," said I, "smell +them." The girl did. "It's nasty, you've got it from your chemicals," +said she. "I don't think I have, smell them again, I can't think what it +can be, what's it like?" "I don't think it's like anything I ever smelt, +but it is not so nasty, if you smell it close, it's like southern wood," +she replied. I wonder if that young lady when she married, ever smelt +it afterwards, and recognized it. I did this more than once, it gave +me great delight to think my slim cousin had smelt my prick, through +smelling my fingers; what innate lubricity comes out early in the male. + +Misfortunes of all sort came upon us, the family came back to town, +another brother died, then my father who had been long ill, died, and +was found to be nearly bankrupt; then my godfather died, and left me +a fortune, all was trouble and change, but I only mention these family +matters briefly. + +My physique still could not have been strong, for though more than ever +intensely romantic, and passionately fond of female society, I don't +recollect being much troubled with cock-standings, and think I should, +had I been so. My two intimate school-friends left off frigging, +the elder brother, who had a very long red nose, having come to the +conclusion with me, that frigging made people mad, and worse, prevented +them afterwards from fucking and having a family. Fred, my favorite +cousin, arrived at the same conclusion--by what mental process, we all +arrived at it, I don't know. + +When I was approaching my sixteenth year, I awakened one night with a +voluptuous dream, and found my night-shirt saturated with semen, it was +my first wet-dream; that set me frigging again for a time, but I either +restrained myself, or did not naturally require much spending at that +time, for I certainly did not often do so. + +But our talk was always about cunt and woman, I was always trying to +smell their flesh, look up their petticoats, watch to see them going +to piddle; and the wonder to me now is, that I did not frig myself +incessantly; and can only account for it on the grounds, that though my +imagination was very ripe, my body was not. The fact of hair under +the arms of women had a secret charm for me about that time. I don't +recollect thinking much about it before, though it had astonished me +when I first saw it; and why it came to my imagination so much now, do +not know, but it did. I have told of the woman under whose arms I first +saw hair. + +One afternoon after my father's death, and that of my godfather, Fred +was with me, we went to the house of a friend, and were to return home +about nine o'clock. It was dark, we saw a woman standing by a wall. "She +is a whore," said Fred, "and will let us feel her if we pay her." "You +go and ask her." "No, you." "I don't like to." "How much money have you +got?" We ascertained what we had, and after a little hesitation, walked +on, passed her, then turned round and stopped. "What are you staring at, +kiddy," said the woman. I was timid, and walked away, Fred stopped with +her. "Wattie, come here," said he in a half whisper. I walked back. "How +much have you got?" the woman said. We both gave her money. "You'll let +us both feel?" said Fred. "Why of course, have you felt a woman before?" +Both of us said we had, feeling bolder. "Was it a woman about here?" +"No." "Did you both feel the same woman?" "No." "Give me another shilling +then, you shall both feel my cunt well, I've such a lot of hair on it." +We gave what he had, and then she walked off without letting us. "I'll +tell your mothers, if you come after me," she cried out. + +We were sold; I was once sold again in a similar manner afterwards, when +by myself. + +These are the principal baudy incidents of my early youth, which I +recollect, and have not told to friends; many other amusing incidents +told them, are omitted here, for the authorship would be disclosed, if +I did. One or two were peculiar and most amusing, yet I dare not narrate +them; but all show how soon sexual desires developed in me, and what +pleasure early in life even these gave me and others. + +I now had arrived at the age of puberty, when male nature asserts itself +in the most timid, and finds means of getting its legitimate pleasure +with women. I did, and then my recollection of things became more +perfect, not only as to the consummations, but of what led to them; yet +nothing seems to me so remarkable as the way I recollect matters which +occurred when I was almost an infant. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + Our house.--Charlotte and brother Tom.--Kissing and + groping.--Both in rut.--My first fuck.--A virginity taken.-- + At a baudy house.--In a privy.--Tribulations.--Charlotte + leaves.--My despair. + +After father's death, our circumstances were further reduced, at the +time I am going to speak of, we had come to a small house nearer London; +one sister went to boarding-school, an aunt (I had many) took another, +I went to a neighboring great school or college, as it was termed, my +little brother Tom was at home; but reference henceforth to members of +my family will be but slight, for they had but little to do with the +incidents of this private life, and unless they were part actors in it, +none will be mentioned. + +Our house had on the ground-floor a dining-room, a drawing-room, and +a small room called the garden parlor, with steps leading into a large +garden. On the first floor my mother's bed-room and two others; above +were the servants' room, mine, and another much used as a lumber-room; +the kitchens were in the basement, beside them a long covered way led +to a servants' privy, and close to it a flight of stairs leading up into +the garden; at the top of the stairs was a garden-door leading into +the fore-court, on to which opened the street-door of the house. This +description of plan is needful to understand what follows. + +I was about sixteen years old, tall, with slight whiskers and moustache, +altogether manly and looking seventeen or eighteen, yet my mother +thought me a mere child, and most innocent; she told our friends so. +I had developed without her having noticed it, love of women, and the +intensest desire to understand the secrets of their nature had taken +possession of me; the incessant talk of fucking with which the youths I +knew beguiled their leisure, the stories they told of having seen their +servants, or other girls half, or quite naked, the tricks by which they +managed this, the dodges they were up to, inflamed me, sharpened +my instinctive acuteness in such matters, and set me seeking every +opportunity to know women naked, and sexually. Frigging was now hateful +to me; I had never done so more than the times related, that is as far +as I now can recollect, frightened as said, by my godfather telling +me, that it sent men mad, and made them hateful to women. So although +boiling with sensuality, I was still all but a virgin, and actually so +in fucking. + +A housemaid arrived just as I came home from college, the cook stood +at the door, she was a lovely woman about twenty-five or six years old, +fresh as a daisy, her name was Mary. The housemaid was in a cart, driven +by her father, a small market gardener living a few miles from us. I saw +a fresh, comely girl about seventeen years old in the fore-court, turned +round to look, she was getting down, the horse moved, she hesitated. +"Get down," said her father angrily. Down she stepped, her clothes +caught on the edge of the cart, or step, or somehow; and I saw rapidly +appear white stockings, garters, thighs, and a patch of dark hair +between them by her belly; it was instantaneous, and down the clothes +came, hiding all. I stood fascinated, knowing I had seen her cunt hair. +She, without any idea of having been exposed, helped down with her +box, I went into the parlor ashamed of having as I thought, been seen +looking. + +I could thing of nothing else, and when she brought in tea, could not +take my eyes off her, it was the same at supper (we lead a simple life, +dining early and having supper). In the evening my mother remarked, +"that girl will do," I recollect feeling glad at heart. + +I went to bed, thinking of what I had seen, and stared whenever I saw +her the next day, until by a sort of fascination, she used to stare at +me; in a day or two I fancied myself desperately in love with her, and +indeed was. I recollect now her features, as if I had only seen her +yesterday, and after the scores and scores of women I have fucked since, +recollect every circumstance attending my having her, as distinctly, as +if it only occurred last week; yet very many years have passed away. + +She was a little over seventeen years, had ruddy lips, beautiful teeth, +darkish hair, hazel eyes, and a slightly turn-up nose, large shoulders +and breast, was plump, generally of fair height, and looked eighteen or +nineteen, her name was Charlotte. + +I soon spoke to her kindly, by degrees became free in manner, at length +chucked her under her chin, pincher her arm, and used the familiarities +which nature teaches a man to use towards a woman. It was her business +to open the door, and help me off with my coat and boots if needful; one +day as she did so, her bum projecting upset me so, that as she rose from +stooping I caught and pinched her. All this was done with risk, for +my mother was then nearly always at home, and the house being small, a +noise was easily heard. + +I was soon kissing her constantly. In a few days got a kiss in return, +that drove me wild, her cunt came constantly into my mind, all sorts +of wants, notions, and vague possibilities came across me; girls do let +fellows feel them I said to myself, I had already succeeded in that. +What if I tell that I have seen it outside? Will she tell my mother? +Will she let me feel her? What madness! Yet girls do let men, girls like +it so all my friends say. Wild with hopes and anticipations, coming in +doors one day, I caught her tightly in my arms, pulled her belly close +to mine, rubbed up against hers saying, "Charlotte, what would I +give, if you would..." it was all I dare say. Then I heard my mother's +bed-room door open, and I stopped. + +Hugging and kissing a woman never stopped there, I told her I loved her, +which she said was nonsense. We now used regularly to kiss each other +when we got the chance; little by little I grasped her closer to me, put +my hands round her waist, then cunningly round to her bum, then my prick +used to stand and I was mad to say more to her, but had not the courage. +I knew not how to set to work, indeed scarce knew what my desires lead +me to hope, and think at that time, putting my hand on to her cunt, and +seeing it, was perhaps the utmost; fucking her seemed a hopelessly mad +idea, if I had the expectation of doing so at all very clearly. + +I told a friend one or two years older than myself how matters stood, +carefully avoiding telling him who the girl was. His advice was short. +Tell her you have seen her cunt, and make a snatch up her petticoats +when no one is near; keep at it, and you will be sure to get a feel, and +some day, pull out your prick, say straight you want to fuck her, girls +like to see a prick, she will look, even if she turns her head away. +This advice he dinned into my ears continually, but for a long time, I +was not bold enough to put it into practice. + +One day, my mother was out, the cook upstairs dressing, we had kissed +in the garden parlour, I put my hand round her bum, and sliding my face +over her shoulder half ashamed, said, "I wish my prick was against +your naked belly, instead of outside your clothes." She with an effort +disengaged herself, stood amazed, and said, "I never will speak to you +again." + +I had committed myself, but went on, though in fear, prompted by love +or lust. My friend's advice was in my ears. "I saw your cunt as you got +down from your father's cart," said I, "look at my prick (pulling it +out), how stiff it is, it's longing to go into you, 'cock and cunt will +come together'." It was part of a smutty chorus the fellows sang at my +college; she stared, turned round, went out of the room, through the +garden, and down to the kitchen by the garden stairs, without uttering a +word. + +The cook was at the top of the house, I went into the kitchen reckless, +and repeated all I had said. She threatened to call the cook. "She must +have seen your cunt, as well as me," said I; then she began to cry. Just +as I was begging pardon, my friend's advice again rang in my ears, I +stooped and swiftly ran both hands up her clothes, got one full on to +her bum, the other on her motte; she gave a loud scream, and I rushed +off upstairs in a fright. + +The cook did not hear her, being up three pairs of stairs; down I went +again, and found Charlotte crying, told her again all I had seen in the +court yard, which made her cry more. She would ask the cook, and would +tell my mother--then hearing the cook coming downstairs, I cut off +through the passage up into the garden. + +The ice was quite broken now, she could not avoid me, I promised not to +repeat what I had said and done, was forgiven, we kissed, and the same +day I broke my promise; this went on day after day, making promises and +breaking them, talking smuttily as well as I knew how, getting a slap on +my head, but no further, my chances were few. My friend, whom I made a +half confident of, was always taunting me with my want of success, and +boasting of what he would have done, had he had my opportunities. + +My mother just at that time began to resume her former habits, leaving +the house frequently for walks and visits. One afternoon she being out +for the remainder of the day, I went home unexpectedly; the cook was +going out, I was to fetch my mother home in the evening; Charlotte laid +the dinner for me; we had the usual kissing, I was unusually bold and +smutty. Charlotte finding me not to be going out, seemed anxious. All +the dinner things had been taken away, when out went the cook, and there +were Charlotte, my little brother and I alone. It was her business to +sit with him in the garden parlor when mother was out, so as to be able +to open the street-door readily, as well as go into the garden if the +weather was fine. It was a fine day of Autumn, she went into the parlor +and was sitting on the huge old sofa, Tom playing on the floor, when I +sat myself down by her side; we kissed and toyed, and then with heart +beating, I began my talk and waited my opportunity. + +The cook would be back in a few minutes, said she. I knew better, +having heard mother tell cook she need not be home until eight o'clock. +Although I knew this, I was fearful, but at length mustered courage to +sing my cock and cunt song. She was angry, but it was made up. She went +to give something to Tom, and stepping back put her foot on the lace of +one boot which was loose, sat down on the sofa and put up one leg over +the other, to relace it. I undertook to do it for her, saw her neat +ankle, and a bit of a white stocking. "Snatch at her cunt," rang in my +ears. I had never attempted it since the afternoon in the kitchen. + +Lacing the boot, I managed to push the clothes up so as to see more of +the leg, but resting as the foot did on one knee, the clothes tightly +between, a snatch was useless: lust made me cunning, I praised the foot +(though I knew not at that time how vain some women are of their feet). +"What a nice ankle," I said putting my hand further on. She was off her +guard; with my left arm, I pushed her violently back on to the large +sofa, her foot came off her knee, at the same moment, my right hand went +up between her thighs, on to her cunt; I felt the slit, the hair, the +moisture. + +She got up to a sitting posture, crying "you wretch, you beast, you +blackguard," but still I kept my fingers on the cunt; she closed her +legs, so as to shut my hand between her thighs, and keep it motionless, +and tried to push me off; but I clung round her. "Take your hand away," +said she, "or I will scream." "I shant!" Then followed two or three +loud, very loud screams. "No one can hear," said I, which brought her to +supplication. My friend's advice came again to me: pushing my right hand +still between her thighs, with my left I pulled out my prick, as stiff +as a poker. She could not do otherwise than see it; and then I drew my +left hand round her neck, pulled her hand to me, and covered it with +kisses. + +She tried to get up and nearly dislodged my right hand, but I pushed her +back, and got my hand still further on to the cunt. I never thought +of pressing, under towards the bum, was in fact too ignorant of female +anatomy to do it, but managed to get one of the lips with the hair +between my fingers, and pinch it; then dropped on to my knees in front +of her, and remained kneeling, preventing her getting back further on +the sofa, as well as I could by holding her waist, or her clothes. + +There was a pause from our struggles, then more entreaties, then more +attempts to get my right hand away; suddenly she put out one hand, +seized me by the hair of my head, and pushed me backwards by it. I +thought my skull was coming off, but kept my hold and pinched or pulled +the cunt lip till she yelled and called me a brute. I told her I would +hurt her as much as I could, if she hurt me; so that game she gave up; +the pain of pulling my hair made me savage, and more determined and +brutal, than before. + +We went on struggling at intervals, I kneeling with prick out, she +crying, begging me to desist; I entreating her to let me see and feel +her cunt, using all the persuasion, and all the baudy talk I could, +little Tom sitting on the floor playing contentedly. I must have been +half an hour on my knees, which became so painful, that I could scarcely +bear it; we were both panting, I was sweating; an experienced man would +perhaps have had her then; I was a boy inexperienced, and without her +consent almost in words, would not have thought of attempting it; the +novelty, the voluptuousness of my game was perhaps sufficient delight to +me; at last I became conscious that my fingers on her cunt were getting +wet; telling her so, she became furious and burst into such a flood +of tears, that it alarmed me. It was impossible to remain on my knees +longer, in rising, I knew I should be obliged to take my hand from her +cunt, so withdrawing my left hand from her waist, I put it also suddenly +up her clothes, and round her bum, and lifted them up, showing both +her thighs, whilst I attempted to rise. She got up at the same instant, +pushing down her clothes, I fell over on one side,--my knees were so +stiff and painful--and she rushed out of the room upstairs. + +It was getting dusk, I sat on the sofa in a state of pleasure, smelling +my fingers. Tom began to howl, she came down and took him up to pacify +him, I followed her down to the kitchen, she called me an insolent +boy (an awful taunt to me then), threatened to tell my mother, to give +notice and leave, and left the kitchen, followed by me about the house; +talking baudily, + +telling her how I liked the smell of my fingers, attempting to put my +hand up her clothes, sometimes succeeding, pulling out my ballocks, and +never ceasing until the cook came home, having been at this game for +hours. In a sudden funk, I begged Charlotte to tell my mother, that I +had only come home just before the cook, and had got to be unwell; she +replying she would tell my mother the truth, and nothing else. I was in +my bed-room before cook was let in. + +Mother came home later, I was in a fright having laid in bed cooling +down, and thinking of possible consequences; heard the street-door +knocker, got out of bed, and in my night-shirt went half way downstairs +listening. To my relief, I heard Charlotte in answer to my mother's +enquiry, say I had come home about an hour before, and had gone to bed +unwell. My mother came to my room, saying how sorry she was. + +For a few days I was in fear, but it gradually wore off, as I found she +had not told; our kissing recommenced, my boldness increased, my talk +ran now freely on her legs, her bum, and her cunt, she ceased to notice +it, beyond saying she hated such talk, and at length she smiled in spite +of herself. Our kissing grew more fervid, she resisted improper action +of my hand, but we used to stand with our lips close together for +minutes at a time, when we got the chance, I holding her to me as close +as wax. One day cook was upstairs, mother in her bed-room, I pushed +Charlotte up against the wall in the kitchen, and pulled up her clothes, +scarcely with resistance; just then my mother rang, I skipped up into +the garden, and got into the parlour that way, soon heard my mother +calling to me to fetch water, Charlotte was in hysterics at the foot +of the stairs--after that, she frequently had hysterics, till a certain +event occurred. + +My chances were chiefly on Saturdays, a day I did not go to college; +soon I was to cease going there, and was to prepare for the army. + +I came home one day, when I knew Charlotte would be alone--the cook was +upstairs--I got her on to the sofa in the garden parlour, knelt and +put my hands between her thighs, with less resistance than before, she +struggled slightly but made no noise. She kissed me as she asked me to +take away my hand; I could move it more easily on her quim, which I did +not fail to do; she was wonderfully quiet. Suddenly I became conscious +that she was looking me full in the face, with a peculiar expression, +her eyes very wide open, then shutting them. "Oho--oho," she said with +a prolonged sigh, "do--oh take away--oh--your hand, Walter dear,--oh I +shall be ill,--oho,--oho," then her head dropped down over my shoulder +as I knelt in front of her; at the same moment, her thighs seemed to +open slightly, then shut, then with a quivering, shuddering motion, as +it then seemed to me, and then she was quite quiet. + +I pushed my hand further in, or rather on, for although I thought I had +it up the cunt, I really was only between the lips--I know that now. +With a sudden start she rose up, pushed me off, snatched up Tom from the +floor, and rushed upstairs. My fingers were quite wet. For two or three +days afterwards, she avoided my eyes and looked bashful, I could not +make it out, and it was only months afterwards, that I knew, that the +movement of my fingers on her clitoris had made her spend. Without +knowing indeed then that such a thing was possible, I had frigged her. + +Although for about three months, I had been thus deliciously amusing +myself, anxious to feel, and see her cunt, and though I had at last +asked her to let me fuck her; I really don't think I had any definite +expectation of doing it to her. I guessed now at its mutual pleasures, +and so forth, yet my doing it to her appeared beyond me; but urged on by +my love for the girl--for I did love her--as well as by sexual instinct, +I determined to try. I also was quickened by my college friend, who had +seen Charlotte at our house and not knowing it was the girl I had spoken +to him about, said to me, "What a nice girl that maid of yours is, I +mean to get over her, I shall wait for her after church next Sunday, she +sits in your pew I know." I asked him some questions,--his opinion was +that most girls would let a young fellow fuck them, if pressed and that +she would (this youth was but about eighteen years old), and I left him +fearing what he said was true, hating and jealous of him to excess. He +set me thinking, why should not I do it if he could, and if what he said +about girls was true,--so I determined to try it on, and by luck did so +earlier than I expected. + +About one hour's walk from us, was the town house of an aunt, the +richest of our family, and one of my mother's sisters. She alone now +supplied me with what money I had, my mother gave me next to nothing. +I went to see aunt, who asked me to tell my mother, to come and spend +a day with her, the next week, and named the day. I forgot this until +three days afterwards, when hearing my mother tell the cook, she could +go out for a whole holiday! I said, that my aunt particularly wished +to see mother on that day. My mother scolded me for not having told her +sooner, but wrote and arranged to go, forgetting the cook's holiday. +To my intense joy, on that day she took brother Tom with her, saying to +Charlotte, "You will have nothing to think of, but the house, shut it +up early, and do not be frightened." I was as usual to fetch my mother +home. + +In what an agitated state I passed that morning at school, and in the +afternoon went home, trembling at my intentions. Charlotte's eyes opened +with astonishment at seeing me. Was I not going to fetch my mother? +I was not going till night. There was no food in the house, and I had +better go to my aunt's for dinner. I knew there was cold meat, and made +her lay the cloth in the kitchen. To make sure, I asked if cook was +out,--yes, she was, but would be home soon. I knew that she stopped +out till ten o'clock on her holidays. The girl was agitated with some +undefined idea of what might take place, we kissed and hugged, but she +did not like even that, I saw. + +I restrained myself whilst eating, she sat quietly beside me; when I had +finished she began to remove the things, the food gave me courage, her +moving about stimulated me, I began to feel her breasts, then got my +hands on to her thighs, we had the usual struggles, but it seems to me +as I now think of it, that her resistance was less, and that she prayed +me to desist more lovingly than was usual. We had toyed for an hour, +she had let a dish fall and smashed it, the baker rang, she took in the +bread, and declared she would not shut the door unless I promised to +leave off. I promised, and so soon as she had closed it, pulled her +into the garden parlour, having been thinking when in the kitchen, how +I could get her upstairs. Down tumbled the bread on the floor, on to the +sofa, I pushed her, and after a struggle she was sitting down, I kissing +her, one arm round her waist, one hand between her thighs, close up to +her cunt. Then I told her I wanted to fuck her, said all in favour of it +I knew, half ashamed, half frightened as I said it. She said she did not +know what I meant, resisted less and less as I tried to pull her back on +the sofa, when another ring came: it was the milkman. + +I was obliged to let her go, and she ran down stairs with the milk. I +followed, she went out, and slammed the door which led to the garden, +in my face; for the instant, I thought she was going to the privy, but +opened and followed on; she ran up the steps, into the garden, through +the garden parlor, and upstairs to her bed-room just opposite to mine, +closed and locked the door in my face, I begged her to let me in. + +She said she would not come out, till she heard the knocker or bell +ring; there was no one called usually after the milkman, so my game was +up, but nothing makes man or woman so crafty as lust. In half an hour +or so, in anger, I said I should go to my aunt's, went downstairs, moved +noisily about, opened and slammed the street-door violently, as if I had +gone out, then pulled off my boots, and crept quietly up to my bed-room. + +There I sat expectantly a long time, had almost given up hope, began to +think about consequences if she told my mother, when I heard the door +softly open and she came to the edge of the stairs. "Wattie!" she said +loudly, "Wattie!" much louder, "he has," said she in a subdued tone to +herself, as much as to say that worry is over. I opened my door, she +gave a loud shriek and retreated to her room, I close to her; in a few +minutes more, hugging, kissing, begging, threatening, I know not how; +she was partly on the bed, her clothes up in a heap, I on her with my +prick in my hand, I saw the hair, I felt the slit, and not knowing then +where the hole was or much about it, excepting that it was between her +legs, shoved my prick there with all my might. "Oh! you hurt, I shall be +ill," said she, "pray don't." Had she said she was dying, I should not +have stopped. The next instant a delirium of my senses came, my prick +throbbing and as if hot lead was jetting from it, at each throb; +pleasure mingled with light pain in it, and my whole frame quivering +with emotion; my sperm left me for a virgin cunt, but fell outside it, +though on to it. + +How long I was quiet I don't know; probably but a short time; for a +first pleasure does not tranquillize at that age; I became conscious +that she was pushing me off of her, and rose up, she with me, to a +half-sitting posture; she began to laugh, then to cry, and fell back in +hysterics, as I had seen her before. + +I had seen my mother attend to her in those fits, but little did I then +know, that sexual excitement causes them in women, and that probably in +her I had been the cause. I got brandy and water, and made her drink a +lot, helping myself at the same time, for I was frightened, and made her +lay on the bed. Then ill as she was, frightened as I was, I yet took +the opportunity her partial insensibility gave me, lifted her clothes +quietly, and saw her cunt and spunk on it. Roused by that, she pushed +her clothes half down feebly and got to the side of the bed. I loving, +begging pardon, kissing her, told her of my pleasure, and asked about +hers, all in snatches, for I thought I had done her. Not a word could I +get, but she looked me in the face beseechingly, begging me to go. I had +no such intention, my prick was again stiffened, I pulled it out, the +sight of her cunt had stimulated me, she looked with languid eyes at me, +her cap was off, her hair hanging about her head, her dress torn near +her breast. + +More so than she had ever looked, was she beautiful to me, success +made me bold, on I went insisting, she seemed too weak to withstand me. +"Don't, oh pray, don't," was all she said as pushing her well on the +bed, I threw myself on her, and again put my doodle on to the slit now +wet with my sperm. I was though cooler, stiff as a poker, but my sperm +was not so ready to flow, as it was in after days, at a second poke, for +I was very young; but nature did all for me; my prick went to the proper +channel, there stopped by something it battered furiously. "Oh, you +hurt, oh!" she cried aloud. The next instant something seemed to tighten +round its knob, another furious thrust,--another,--a sharp cry of pain +(resistance was gone), and my prick was buried up her, I felt that it +was done, and that before I had spent outside of her. I looked at her, +she was quiet, her cunt seemed to close on my prick, I put my hand down, +and felt round. What rapture to find my machine buried; nothing but the +balls to be touched, and her cunt hair wetted with my sperm, mingling +and clinging to mine; in another minute nature urged a crisis, and I +spent in a virgin cunt, my prick virgin also. Thus ended my first fuck. + +My prick was still up her, when we heard a loud knock; both started up +in terror, I was speechless. "My God; it is your mamma!" Another loud +knock. What a relief, it was the postman. To rush downstairs, and open +the door was the work of a minute. "I thought you were all out," said he +angrily, "I have knocked three times." "We were in the garden," said I. +He looked queerly at me and said, "With your boots off!" and grinning +went away. I went up again, found her sitting on the side of the bed, +and there we sat together. I told her what the postman had said, she +was sure he would tell her mistress. For a short time, there never was +a couple who had just fucked, in more of a foolish funk than we were; +I have often thought of our not hearing the thundering knocks of a +postman, whilst we were fucking, though the bed-room door was wide +open; what engrossing work it is so to deafen people. Then after +unsuccessfully struggling to see her cunt, and kissing, and feeling each +others' genitals, and talking of our doings and our sensations for an +hour, we fucked again. + +It was getting dark, which brought us to reason, we both helped to +remake the bed, went downstairs, shut the shutters, lighted the fire +which was out, and got lights. I then having nothing to do, began +thinking of my doodle which was sticking to my shirt, and pulling it +out to see its condition, found my shirt covered with sperm smears, and +spots of blood, my prick was dreadfully sore. I said to her that she had +been bleeding, she begged me to go out of the kitchen for a minute, I +did, and almost directly she came out, and passed me saying, she must +change her things before the cook came home. She would not let me stay +in the room whilst she did it, nor did I see her chemise, though I had +followed her upstairs; then the idea flashed across me that I had taken +a virginity; that had never occurred to me before. She got hot water +to wash herself. I did not know what to do with my shirt; we arranged +I should wash it before I went to bed. We thought it best to say, I had +not been home at all, and that I should go and fetch my mother. After +much kissing, hugging, and tears on her part, off I went, hatching an +excuse for not having fetched mother earlier, and we came home with Tom +in my aunt's carriage I recollect. + +Before going to bed, I ordered hot water for a footbath. How we looked +at each other as I ordered it. I washed my shirt as well as I could, and +looked sadly at my sore prick, I could not pull the skin back, so much +as usual, it was torn, raw, and slightly bleeding. + +Awake nearly all night, thinking of my pleasure and proud of my success; +I rose early, and looking at my shirt, found stains still visible, and +that I had so mucked it in washing, that an infant could have guessed +what I had been doing. I knew that my mother who now did household +duties herself, selected the things for the laundress; and in despair +hit on a plan: I filled the chamber-pot with piss and soap-suds, making +it as dirty as I could, put it near a chair and my shirt hanging over it +carelessly, so as to look as if it had dropped into the pot by accident; +left it there, and put on a clean shirt. After breakfast my mother who +usually helped to make my bed, and her own as well, called out to me; up +I went with my heart in my mouth, to hear her say, she hoped I would +be a little more careful, and remember that we had no longer my poor +father's purse. "Look," said she, "a disgraceful state you left your +shirt in, I am ashamed to have it sent to the laundress, have been +obliged to tell the housemaid to partly wash it first, you are getting +very careless." Charlotte afterwards told me, that when mother gave her +the shirt to rough wash, she felt as if she should faint. + +I need not repeat about my prepuce, which as said I could now pull down +with a little less difficulty. Lacerated and painful over night, it was +much more swollen and sore the next morning, when I pissed it smarted, +the thinking and smarting made me randy: risking all, whilst my mother +was actually in the adjoining room, the poor girl in horrid fear and +looking shockingly ill, I thrust my hand up her clothes and on to her +split. She whispered, "What a wretch you are!" I went to college, came +back at three o'clock, thinking always on the same subject; my prick got +worse, I took it into my head, that Charlotte had given me some disease, +and was in a dreadful state of mind. I washed it with warm water, and +greased it, having eased it thus a little, got the skin down, then could +not get it back again, it got stiff; as it did so sexual pleasures came +into my mind, and worse got the pain. I greased it more, my pain grew +less, I touched the tip with my finger, it gave a throb of pleasure, I +went on without meaning, almost without knowing, the pleasure came and +spunk shot out. I had frigged myself unintentionally again. + +I watched my penis shrink, its tension lessen, its high colour go, then +came the feeling of disgust at myself that I have always felt after +frigging, a disgust not quite absent even when done by the little +hands of fair friends, to whose quims I was paying similar delicate +attentions. I was able to pull up the skin again, but the soreness got +worse, I told the poor girl that my prick was very sore, and that I +thought it strange. It did not wound her feelings, for she did not know +my suspicions. The next morning being no better, I with much hesitation +told a college friend, he looked at my prick, and thought it either clap +or pox. Frightened to go to our own doctor, I at his advice went to a +chemist, who did a little business in such matters; we dealt there, but +my friend assured me that the man never opened his mouth to any one, if +youths consulted him, and many he knew had. + +With quaking I said to the chemist, that I had something the matter with +my thing. "What?" said he. "I don't know." "Let me see it." I began +to beg him not to mention it to my mother, or anyone. "Don't waste my +time," said he, "show it to me, if you want my advice." Out I pulled it +as small as could be, but still with the skin over it. "Have you been +with a woman?" said he. "Yes." He looked at my shirt, there was no +discharge, then he laid hold of my prick with both hands, and with force +pulled the skin right down, I howled. He told me there was nothing the +matter with me, that the skin was too tight, that a snip would set me to +rights, and advised me soon to have it done, saying, "it will save you +trouble and money if you do, and add to your pleasure." I declined. +"Another day then." "No." He laughed and said, "Well, time will cure +you, if you go on as you have began," gave me a lotion, and in three +days I was pretty right: warm water I expect would have had the same +effect. I had simply torn the skin in taking the virginity. + +Of course I wanted Charlotte again, she seemed in no way to help me, and +used to cry, still there was a wonderful difference between then, and +before the happy consummation: she tried to prevent my hands going up her +petticoats, but once up objections ceased, and my hands would rove +about on the outside and inside of all, we stood and kissed at every +opportunity. "When shall we do it again?" she replied "Never!" for she +was sure it would bring punishment on us both. + +I neglected my studies absolutely; all I thought about was her, and how +to get at her, it must have been a week or more before I did. Ready for +any risk, that day my mother was out, I came home, had the early dinner; +the cook after that always went up to dress, or as she said, clean +herself, and there she always was an hour. Waiting till I heard her go +up, I went into the garden parlour, where as usual Charlotte was with +my little brother. Going at her directly, I was refused, but now how +different, once she would not rest until my hand was altogether away +from her. Now I begged and besought her, with my hand up her clothes, +my fingers on her quim. No--if we had not been found out before, we were +fortunate, but never, never, would she do it again; was I mad? did I +wish to ruin her? was not the cook upstairs? might she not come down, +whilst we did it? how light the room was (the sun was coming in). +I dropped the blinde, her resistance grew less, as her cunt felt my +twiddling. "No--now no--oh what a plague you are; hush! it is the cook." +I open the door, listen, there is no one stirring. "What will she think +if she finds you here?" "What does it matter; now do--let me,--I'll bolt +the door, if she comes I will get under the sofa, you say you don't know +how it got bolted." Such was my innocent device, but it sufficed, +for both were hot in lust. I bolted it. My prick is out, I pull her +reluctant hand on to it, my hands are groping now, but too impatient for +dallying, I push her down on the sofa--that dear cunt. "Don't hurt me so +much again, oh don't push so hard." Oh! what delight! in a minute we are +spending, together this time. + +I unlock the door, go back to the dining-room, she strolls out into the +garden, cook speaks to her out of the window. "Where is master Wattie?" +"In the dining-room I suppose." Soon out I stroll into the garden, +play with Tommy of course, she can scarcely look me in the face, she is +blushing like a rose. "Was it not lovely, Charlotte, is not your thing +wet?" In she rushes with Tom, soon I follow, cook is still upstairs. +"Come, be quick." Again the bolt, again we fuck, she walks off into the +garden with Tommy, and her cunt full, and cook and she chat from the +window. How we laughed about it afterwards. + +Modesty retired after this, we gave way to our inclinations, she +refusing but always letting me if we got a chance! We were still green +and timid, at the end of three weeks we only had done it a dozen times +or so, always with the cook in the house, always with fear. I was +longing for complete enjoyment of all my senses, had never yet seen +her cunt, except for a minute at a time, was mad for "the naked limb +entwined with limb," and all I had read of in amatory poetry. I had +gained years in boldness and manhood, and although nervous, began to +practice what I had heard. + +I heard of accommodation houses, where people could have bed-rooms and +no questions were asked; and found one not far from my aunt's, although +she lived in the best quarter of London. Just before Charlotte's day +out, I went to my aunt, complained of my mother's meanness, and she gave +me a sovereign. On my way home, I loitered a full hour in the street +with the baudy house, marked it so as to know it in the day, and saw +couples go in, as my knowing friend who had told said I should. The next +day instead of going to college, and risking discovery, I waited till +Charlotte joined me, took a hackney coach to the street, and +telling Charlotte it was a tavern walked to the door with her, to my +astonishment it was closed. Disconcerted I nearly turned back, but rang +the bell. Charlotte said she would not go in. The door opened, a woman +said, "Why did you not push the door?" Oh! the shame I felt as I went +into that baudy house with Charlotte; the woman seemed to hesitate, or +so I fancied, before she gave us a room. + +It was a gentleman's house, although the room cost but five shillings: +red curtains, looking-glasses, wax lights, clean linen, a huge chair, a +large bed, and a cheval-glass, large enough for the biggest couple to +be reflected in, were all there. I examined all with the greatest +curiosity, but my curiosity was greater for other things, of all the +delicious voluptuous recollections, that day stands among the brightest; +for the first time in my life I saw all a womans' charms, and exposed my +own manhood to one; both of us knew but little of the opposite sex. With +difficulty I got her to undress to her chemise, then with but my shirt +on, how I revelled in her nakedness, feeling from her neck to her +ankles, lingering with my fingers in every crack and cranny of her body; +from armpits to cunt, all was new to me. With what fierce eyes after +modest struggles, and objections to prevent, and I had forced open her +reluctant thighs, did I gloat on her cunt; wondering at its hairy outer +covering and lips, its red inner flaps, at the hole so closed up, and +so much lower down and hidden, then I thought it to be; soon at its look +and feel, impatience got the better of me; hurredly I covered it with +my body and shed my sperm in it. Then with what curiosity I paddled my +fingers in it afterwards, again to stiffen, thrust, wriggle, and spend. +All this I recollect as if it occurred but yesterday, I shall recollect +it to the last day of my life, for it was a honey-moon of novelty, years +afterwards I often thought of it when fucking other women. + +We fell asleep, and must have been in the room some hours, when we +awakened about 3 o'clock. We had eaten nothing that day, and both were +hungry; she objected to wash before me, or to piddle; how charming it +was to overcome that needless modesty, what a treat to me to see that +simple operation. We dressed and left, went to a quietish public-house, +and had some simple food and beer, which set me up, I was ready to do +all over again, and so was she. We went back to the house and again +to bed, the woman smiled when she saw us, the feeling, looking, +tittillating, baudy inciting and kissing recommenced. With what +pleasure she felt and handled my prick, nor did she make objection to +my investigations into her privates, though saying she would not let me. +Her thighs opened, showing the red-lipped, hairy slit, I kissed it, she +kissed my cock, nature taught us both what to do. Again we fucked, +I found it a longish operation, and when I tried later again, was +surprised to find that it would not stiffen for more than a minute, and +an insertion failed. I found out that day that there were limits to +my powers. Both tired out, our day's pleasure over, we rose and took a +hackney coach towards home, I went in first, she a quarter of an hour +afterwards, and everything passed off as I could have wished. + +From that day lust seized us both; we laid our plans to have each other +frequently, but it was difficult: my mother was mostly at home, the +cook nearly always at home if mother was out; but quite twice a week we +managed to copulate, and sometimes oftener. We arranged signals. If when +she opened the door, she gave a shake of the head, I knew mother was +in; if she smiled and pointed down with her fingers, mother was out, +but cook downstairs; if it pointed up, cook was upstairs; in the latter +case, to go into the garden parlour and fuck, all this was done off +hand. If cook was known to be going out, Charlotte told me beforehand, +and if mother was to be out, I got home, letting college and tutors +go to the devil. Then there was lip kissing, cunt kissing, feeling and +looking, tickling and rubbing each others articles, all the preliminary +delights of copulation, and but one danger in the way: my little brother +could talk in a broken way, we used to give him some favorite toy, and +put him on the floor, whilst we indulged voluptuously. On the sofa one +day, I had just spent in her, when I felt a little hand tickling between +our bellies, and Tommy who had tottered up to us said, "Don'ty hurt +Lotty, der's a good Wattie." We settled that Tom was too young to notice +or recollect, what he saw, but I now think differently. + +Winter was coming on, she used to be sent to a circulating library +to fetch books, the shop was some distance off, a few houses, long +garden-walls and hedges were on the road. I used to keep out, or go +out just before she went, and we fucked up against the walls. I took +to going to church in the evening also, to the intense delight of my +mother, but it was to fuck on the road home. One day hot in lust, we +fucked standing on the lobby near my bed-room, my mother being in the +room below, the cook in the kitchen. We got bold, reckless, and whenever +we met alone, if only for an instant, we felt each others genitals. + +At last we found the servant's privy one of the best places. I have +described its situation near to a flight of steps, at the end of a +covered passage, which could be seen from one point only in the garden; +down there, anyone standing was out of sight. If all was clear I used +to ring the parlour bell, ask for something, and make a sign; when she +thought it safe, there she would go, I into the garden, to where I could +see into the passage by the side of the garden stairs. If I saw her, +or heard "ahem," down I went into the privy, and was up her cunt in a +second, standing against the wall, and shoving to get our spent over, as +if my life depended on it; this was uncomfortable, but it had its charm. +We left off doing it in the privy, being nearly caught one day there. + +We thought cook was upstairs mother was out, I was fucking her, when the +cook knocked saying, "make haste Charlotte, I want to come." We had just +spent, she was so frightened I thought she was fainting, but she +managed to say "I cannot." "Do," said cook, "I am ill." "So am I," said +Charlotte. Said cook, "I can sit on the little seat." "Go to misses's +closet, she's out." Off cook went, out we came, and never fucked in that +place again; one day I did her on the kitchen table, and several times +on the dining-room table. + +We in fact did it everywhere else, and often enough for my health, for I +was young, weak and growing, and it was the same with her. The risks we +ran were awful, but we loved each other with all our souls. Both young, +both new at the work, both liking it, it was rarely we got more than +just time to get our fucking over, and clothes arranged before we had to +separate, for her to get to her duties. Many times I have seen her about +the house, cunt full and with the heightened colour, and brilliant +eyes, of a woman who had just been satisfied. I used to feel pleasure +in knowing she was bringing in the dinner, or tea, with my spunk in her +cunt; not having had the opportunity to wash, or piddle it out. + +When she had another holiday, we went to the baudy house, and stayed so +long in it, that we had a scare; just asleep, we heard a knocking at the +door. My first idea was that my mother had found me out, and although I +ruled her in one way, I way in great subjection to her, from not having +any money. She thought her father was after her. What a relief it was +to hear a voice say: "Shall you be long sir, we want the room." I was +having too much accommodation for my money. That night we walked home, +for I had no money for a coach, and barely enough to get us a glass +of beer and a biscuit; we were famished and fucked out, my mother had +refused to give me money, and another aunt whom I had asked, said I was +asking too often, and refused also. + +Although we went to this baudy house, I always felt as if I was going +to be hanged when I did, and it was with difficulty I could make her +go; she called it a bad house, and it cost money. Something then occured +which helped me, penniless as I was. + +At the extreme end of our village were a few little houses, one stood +with its side entrance up a road only partially formed, and without +thoroughfare; its owner was a pew-opener, her daughter a dressmaker, who +worked for servants and such like; they cut out things for servants, who +in those days largely made their own dresses. Charlotte had things made +there. At a fair held every year near us of which I shall have to tell +more, my fast friend, who had put me up to so much, and whom I forgot +to say tried to get hold of Charlotte, I saw with the dressmaker's +daughter. Said he, talking to me next day, "She is jolly ugly, but she's +good enough for a feel, I felt her cunt last night, and think she has +been fucked (he thought that of every girl), her mother's a rum old gal +too, she will let you meet a girl at her cottage, not whores, you know, +but if they are respectable." "Is it a baudy house?" I asked. "Oh no, +it's quite respectable, but if you walk in with a lady, she leaves you +in the room together, and when you come out, if you just give her half +a crown, she drops a curtesy, just as she does when she opens +the pew-doors and anyone gives her six pence, but she is quite +respectable--the clergyman goes to see her sometimes." + +Charlotte asked to go out to a dressmaker, I met her as if by chance at +the door, the old pew-opener asked if I would like to walk in and wait. +I did. Charlotte came in after she had arranged about her dress. There +was a sofa in the room, and she was soon on it; we left together, I +have two or three shillings (money went much further then), and the +pew-opener said, "You can always wait here when your young lady comes to +see my daughter." + +When we went a second time, she asked me if I went to St. Mary's Chapel +(her Chapel). We went to her house in the day that time. When going away +she said, "Perhaps you wont mind always going out first, for neighbours +are so ill-natured." The old woman was really a pew-opener, her daughter +really a dressmaker, but she was glad to earn a few shillings, by +letting her house be used for assignations of a quiet sort; she would +not have let gay women in, from what I heard. + +She had lived for years in the parish, and was thought respectable. She +had not much use of her house in that way, wealthy people going to town +for their frolics,--town only being an hour's journey--and no gay women +being in the village that I know of. + +At this house, I spent Charlotte's third holiday with her, in a +comfortable bed-room. We stopped from eleven in the morning, till nine +at night, having mutton chops and ale, and being as jolly as we +could be. We did nothing the whole day long, but look at each other's +privates, kiss, fuck and sleep outside the bed. It was there she +expressed curiosity about male emissions. I told her how the sperm +spurted out, then discussing women's, she told me of the pleasure I +had given her when fingering her in the manner described already; we +completed our explanations by my frigging myself to show her, and then +my doing the same to her with my finger. I bungled at that, and think I +hear her now saying, "No, just where you were is nicest." "Does it give +you pleasure?" "Oh yes, but I don't like it that way, oh!--oh!--I am +doing it--oh!" I had no money that day, Charlotte had her wages, and +paid for everything, giving me her money to do so. + +One day we laughed at having nearly been caught fucking in the privy. +"She must have a big bum, must Mary," said I, "to sit on that little +seat at the privy." Said Charlotte, "She is a big woman, twice as big +as me, her bottom would cover the whole seat." This set us talking about +the cook, and as what I then heard affected me much at a future day, I +will tell all Charlotte said as nearly as I can recollect. + +"Of course I have seen her naked bit by bit--when two women are together +they can't help it, why should they mind--if you sit down to pee, you +show your legs, and if you put on your stockings you show your thighs, +then we both wash down to our waists, and if you slip off your chemise +or night-gown you show yourself all over. Mary's beautiful from head to +foot, one morning in the summer, we sleeping in the same bed, were +very hot. I got out to pee, we had kicked all the clothes off, Mary was +laying on her back with night-clothes above her waist fast asleep, +I could not help looking at her thighs, which were so large and +white--white as snow." "Had she much hair on her cunt?" said I. "What's +that to you?" said she laughing, but went on: "Oh! twice as much as I +have, and of a light brown." "I suppose her cunt is bigger than yours?" +said I reflectively. "Well, perhaps it is," said Charlotte, "she is a +much bigger woman than me, what do you think?" I inclined to the opinion +it must be, but had no experience to guide me; on the whole we agreed +that it was likely to be bigger. + +"Then," said she, "I suppose some men have smaller things than yours?" +I told her that as far as I knew they varied slightly, but only had +knowledge of youthful pricks, and could not be certain whether they +varied much when full grown or not. We went on about Mary. "I know I +should like to be such a big, fine woman." "But" said I, "I don't like +light hair, I like dark hair on a cunt, light hair can't look well, I +should think." "I like her," said Charlotte, "she is a nice woman, but +often dull, she has no relatives in London, never says anything about +them or herself, she used to have letters, and then often cried, she has +none now; the other night she took me in her arms, gave me a squeeze +and said, 'Oh! if you were a nice young man now', then laughed and +said, 'perhaps we would put our things together and make babies.' I was +frightened to say anything, for fear she would find out I knew to much; +I think she has been crossed in love." + +I was twiddling Charlotte's quim as I was never tired of doing, +something in the sensation I suppose reminded her, for laughing she went +on: "You know what you did to me the other night." "What?" said I not +recollecting. "You know, with your finger." "Oh! frig." "Yes, well Mary +does that; I was awake one night, and was quite quiet, when I heard Mary +breathing hard, and felt her elbow go jog, jog, just touching my side, +then she gave a sigh, and all was quiet. I went to sleep, and have +only just thought of it." She had heard or felt this jog from the cook +before, so we both concluded, that she frigged herself, Charlotte knew +what frigging was. + +"Do you recollect your mamma's birthday?" said Charlotte, "she sent us +down a bottle of sherry, the gardener was to have some, but did not; +so we were both a little fuddled when we went to bed. When Mary was +undressed she pulled up her clothes to her hips, and looking at herself +said, 'my legs are twice as big as yours.' Then we made a bet on it and +measured; she lost, but her thigh was half as big again round as mine; +then she thew herself on her back and cocked up her legs, opening them +for a minute. I said 'Lor, Mary, what ever are you doing?' 'Ah I' said +she, 'women's legs were made to open', and there it ended. I never heard +her before say or do anything improper, she is most particular." If +Charlotte had been older or wiser, she would not have extolled the naked +beauties of a fellow servant to her lover, for the description of the +big bum, white thighs and hairy belly bottom, the jog, jog, of the +elbow, and all the other particulars sunk deep into my mind. + +We fucked more than ever, recklessly--it is a wonder we were not found +out, for one evening, it being dark, I fucked her in the forecourt, +outside our street-door; but troubles were coming. + +Her father wrote to know why she had not been home at her holidays, she +got an extra holiday to go and pacify him; then we had a fright because +her courses stopped, but they came on all right again. One of my sisters +came home, and diminished our opportunities, still we managed to fuck +somehow, most of the times they were uprighters. The next holiday she +went home by coach (the only way), I met her on the return, and we +fucked up against the garden wall of our house. A month slipped away, +again we spent her holiday at the pew-opener's; no man and woman could +have liked each other more, or more enjoyed each other's bodies, without +thinking of the rest of the world. I disguised nothing from her, +she told me all she knew of herself, the liking she took for me, her +pleasure yet fear and shame when first I felt her cunt, the shock of +delight and confusion when on my twiddling it, she had spent; how she +made up her mind to run out of the house when the milkman came, the +hysterical faint when I first laid my prick between her slit and spent, +the sensation of relief when I had not done, an instinct told her I +should, in spending outside, the sort of feeling of "poor fellow, he +wants me, he may do as he likes," which she had; I told my sensations. +All these we told each other over and over again, and never tired of the +conversation; we were an innocent, reckless, randy couple. + +We had satisfied our lusts in simple variety, but I, never put my +tongue in her mouth, nor do I know that I had heard of that form of +lovemaking--but more of that hereafter. I did her on her belly, and +some-thing incited me to do it to her dog fashion, but it was never +repeated; we examined as said each others appendages, but once +satisfied, having seen mine get from flaccid to stiff, the piddle +issue, the spunk squirt, she never wanted to see it again, and could +not understand my insatiable curiosity about hers. She knew I think less +than most girls of her age about the males, having never I recollect +nursed male children, and I don't think she had brothers. + +How is it that scarcely any woman will let you willingly look at her +cunt after fucking, till it is washed; most say it is beastly, gay or +quiet, it is the same. Is it more beastly to have it spurted up, to +turn and go to sleep with the spunk oosing on to a thigh, or an hour +afterwards to let a man paddle in what has not dried? They don't +mind that, but won't let you look at it after your operations, +willingly--why? + +A modest girl lays quietly after fucking, and does not wash till you are +away. A young girl who has let you see her cunt and take her virginity, +won't wash it at all, until you point out the necessity. A gay woman +often tries to shove back her bum just as you spend, gets the discharge +near the outlet, uncunts you quickly and at once washes and pisses at +the same time. A quiet young girl wipes her cunt on the outside only. +A working man's wife does the same. I have fucked several, and not one +washed before me. I incline to the opinion that poor women rarely wash +their cunts inside, their piddle does all the washing. "What's the good +of washing it?" said a poor, but not a gay girl to me, "it's always +clean, and feels just the same an hour afterwards, whether washed +or not." Is the unwashed cunt less healthy than one often soaped and +syringed? I doubt it. An old _roue_ said to me he would not give a damn +to fuck a cunt at night, which has been washed since the morning. + +About sexual matters each of us knew about as much as the other, and +we had much to learn. A girl however in the sphere of life of Charlotte +usually knows more about a man's sex, than a youth of the same age does +of a woman's; they have nursed children, and know what a cock is; a girl +is never thought too young to nurse a male child, no one would trust a +boy after ten years of age to nurse a female child; but she had never +nursed. From Charlotte I had my first knowledge of menstruation, and of +other mysteries of her sex. Ah! that menstruation was a wonder to me, it +was marvellous, but all was really a wonder to me then. + +After Christmas my sister went back to school, our chances seemed +improving, we spent another holiday at the pew-opener's. I had got +money, and we were indiscreet enough to go to see some wax-works. Next +day her father came to see her; he ordered her to tell where she had +been. She refused, he got angry, and made such a noise, that mother +rang to know what it was. He asked to see her, apologized, and said his +daughter had been out several holidays, without his knowing where she +had been. My mother said it was very improper, and that he ought. A +friend was with us in the room, and I sat there reading and trembling. +My mother remarked to the lady, "I hope that girl is not going wrong, +she is very good looking." Mother asked me to go out of the room, then +had Charlotte up, and lectured her; afterwards Charlotte told me for the +first time, that her father was annoyed because she would not marry a +young man. + +A young man had called at our house several times to see her; she saw +him once and evaded doing so afterwards. He was the son of a well-to-do +baker, a few miles from Charlotte's home, and wished to marry her; his +father was not expected to live, and the young man said he would marry +her directly the father died. Her mother was mad at her refusing such +a chance. Charlotte showed me his letters, which then came, and we +arranged together the replies. + +She went home, and came back with eyes swollen with crying, some one +had written anonymously, to say she had been seen at the wax-works with +a young man, evidently of position above her, and had been seen walking +with a young man. The mother threatened to have a doctor examine her +to see if she had been doing anything wrong, no one seemed to have +suspected me; her father would have her home, her mother had had +suspicion of her for some time, "The sooner you marry young Brown the +better, he will have a good business, and keeps a horse and chaise, +you will never have such a chance again, and it will prevent you going +wrong, even if you have not already gone wrong," said her mother. + +It was a rainy night, I had met her on her return, and we both stood an +hour under an umbrella, talking and crying, she saying, "I knew I should +be ruined; if I marry he will find me out, if I don't they will lead me +such a life; oh! what shall I do!" We fucked twice in the rain against +a wall, putting down the umbrella to do it. Afterwards we met at the +dressmaker's, talked over our misery and cried, and fucked, and cried +again. Then it was nothing but worry, she crying at her future, I +wondering if I should be found out; still with all our misery, we never +failed to fuck if there was a clear five minutes before us. Then her +mother wrote to say that old Brown was dead, and her father meant to +take her away directly; she refused, the father came, saw my mother, and +settled the affair by taking back Charlotte's box of clothes. I had not +a farthing; at her age a father had absolute control, and nothing short +of running away would have been of use. We talked of drowning ourselves, +or of her taking work in the fields. I projected things equally absurd +for myself. It ended in her agreeing to go home,--she could not help +that,--but refusing to marry. + +Charlotte wrote me almost directly after her return. My mother had +reserved the right of opening my letters, although she had ceased to do +so. That morning seeing she had one addressed to me, in fear I snatched +it out of her hand. She insisted on having it back, I refused, and we +had a row. "How dare you sir? give it me." "I won't, you shant open my +letter." "I will, a boy like you!" "I am not a boy, I am a man, if you +ever open a letter of mine, I will go for a common soldier, instead of +being an officer." "I will tell your guardian." "I mean to tell him how +shamefully short of money I am, uncle says it's a shame, so does aunt." +my mother sunk down in tears, it was my first rebellion; she spoke to +my guardian, never touched my letters again, and gave me five times +the money I used to have; but to make sure, I had letters enclosed to a +friend, and fetched them. + +Charlotte was not allowed to go out alone, and was harassed in every +way; for all that, I managed to meet her at a local school, one Saturday +afternoon when it was empty; some friendly teacher let her in, and she +let me in. We fucked on a hard form, in a nearly dark room, about the +most difficult poke I ever had, it was a ridiculous posture. But our +meeting was full of tears, despondency, and dread of being with child. +She told me I had ruined her, even fucking did not cheer her. A week or +so afterwards, having no money, I walked all the way to try to see +her, and failed. Afterwards in her letters, she begged me never to tell +anyone about what had passed between us. Her father sent her away to his +brother's, where she was to help as a servant; for somehow it had got +wind that she had met some one at the school-house. There she fell ill +and was sent home again. Then she wrote that she should marry, or have +no peace, wished I was older, and then she could marry me; she did not +write much common sense, although it did not strike me so then. She was +coming to London to buy things, would say she would call on my mother on +the road, but would meet me instead. How she humbugged the young woman +who came to town with her, I don't know, but we met at the baudy house, +cried nearly the whole time, but fucked for all that till my cock would +stand no longer; then vowing to see each other after she was married, we +parted. + +She married soon, my mother told me of it; she lived twelve miles +from us, and did not write to me. I went there one day, but although +I lingered long near their shop, I never saw her. I did that a second +time, she saw me looking in, and staggered into a back room. I dared +not go in for fear of injuring her. Afterwards came a letter not signed, +breathing love, but praying me not to injure her, as might be if I was +seen near her house. Money, distance, time was all against me; I felt +all was over, took to frigging, which, added to my vexation, made me +ill. What the doctor thought I don't know, he said I was suffering +from nervous exhaustion, asked my mother if I was steady, and kept good +hours. My mother said I was the quietest, and best of sons, as innocent +as a child, and that I was suffering from severe study--she had long +thought I should; the fact being that for four months I had scarcely +looked at a book, excepting when she was near me, and had when not +thinking of Charlotte, spent my time in writing baudy words, and +sketching cunts and pricks with pen and ink. + +Thus I lost my virginity, and took one, thus ended my first love or +lust; which will you call it? I call it love, for I was fond of the +girl, and she of me. Some might call it a seduction, but thinking of it +after this lapse of years, I do not. It was only the natural result of +two people being thrown together, both young, full of hot blood, and +eager to gratify their sexual curiosity; there was no blame to either, +we were made to do it, and did but illustrate the truth of the old song, +"Cock and cunt will come together, check them as you may," and point to +the wisdom, of never leaving a young male and female alone together, if +they were not wanted to copulate. + +In all respects we were as much like man and wife as circumstances would +let us be. We poked and poked, whenever we got a chance; we divided our +money, if I had none, she spent her wages; when I had it, I paid for her +boots and clothes--a present in the usually sense of the term I never +gave her; our sexual pleasures were of the simplest, the old fashioned +way was what we followed, and altogether it was a natural, virtuous, +wholesome, connection, but the world will not agree with me on that +point. + +One thing strikes me as remarkable now: the audacity with which I went +to a baudy house; all the rest seems to have began, and followed as +naturally as possible. What a lovely recollection it is! nothing in my +career since is so lovely as our life then was; scarce a trace of what +may be called lasciviousness was in it, had the priest blest it by the +bands of matrimony, it would have been called the chaste pleasure of +love and affection--as the priest had nothing to do with it, it will +be called I suppose beastly immorality. I have often wondered if her +husband found out that she was not a virgin, and if not whether it was +owing to some skill of hers, or to his ignorance; I heard afterwards +that they lived happily. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + Mary the cook.--A bloody nose and broken piss-pot.--An + involuntary spend.--A feel and a poke.--A new sensation.--At + a baudy house.--Mary's history.--She leaves. + +As the certainty that all was finished between us came to me, I +got better, my grief moderated, my prick expected occupation, I was +horrified at having frigged myself, and ceased doing it. Then naturally +I looked at the servants. The new housemaid was ugly as sin, so I turned +to Mary the cook. I was then about seventeen years old. + +She was now I think twenty-six or eight years old, big, stout, but as it +seemed to me then, symmetrical; she had exquisite teeth, blue eyes, and a +fine complexion--so fine that my mother remarked it. She was quiet in +a remarkable degree, and treated me as a boy. Nine months before this +I should as soon have dared to think of fucking my aunt, but experience +had altered me. I thought of the light hair on her cunt, and of all I +could not see, which Charlotte had innocently described to me; and the +conclusions we had arrived at, that she frigged herself. Then I thought +that after all, old as she was, and young as I was, she might like +Charlotte, let me do her. I had once kissed her when Charlotte was with +us, and she had taken it as if she was letting a child kiss her; I now +tried it again, and got a quiet kiss in return; it was done with the air +and manner of "There, there, you troublesome boy," which mortified me +much. + +I had now special tutors at home, and was at home when I liked, yet +my chances with the cook were fewer than they had been with Charlotte, +owing to her occupations. I was studying elementary chemistry, and when +making some experiments in the garden parlour, burnt a table cover. My +mother angry, said I had better experiment in the back kitchen again, so +under that pretence, I managed to be downstairs frequently. + +I used to watch Mary, slipping out into the outside passage leading +to the servant's privy, and take pleasure in the idea of her piddling +there. One day, I watched her coming back, she gave her clothes a tuck +between her legs, and I knew it was to dry her cunt; opened the door +just as she did it, she knew that I saw the action by my grin, and her +face turned scarlet. I kissed her that day, asked her timidly if she had +dried it properly that morning. "Dried what?" said she innocently. "What +I saw you drying when you came from the closet." She turned away without +saying a word. + +A day or two after as she went upstairs to the parlour, I stopped, saw +her legs, and told her she had jolly fat legs. She wished I would go +upstairs, for I was in the way with my chemicals, and after that ceased +talking to me. But it was difficult to avoid me, I got rude, would tuck +my coat between my legs, laugh and make believe to stoop down to see her +ankles, but she took no notice. Begging her to kiss me one day; she gave +me two or three at once saying, "There now, go on with your chemicals," +in such a motherly way, that it mortified me excessively; making me feel +the difference in our ages, as a barrier to my hopes. + +But if discouraged one day, I got courage the next; impelled by a +cock-stand, and my mother being out, I said, "Should I not like to see +your legs." For a wonder she answered, "Look at your own." "Oh!" I +replied, "they are not the same, you have got a slit between them, I have +got something hanging, and ready to put into the slit." "I wish you +would go upstairs," said she, "you are always down here now." Then she +told mother I was in her way,--I promised only to go to the back kitchen +when it suited the cook, but did not keep my word. + +She was alone one evening, I went home and downstairs, kissed and +fondled, and would not be repulsed. At some time every woman is more +yielding than at others, they always are if randy. Getting my courage up +I said I wished she would let me feel her thing, then said, "Let me do +you," in a whisper. It was quite dusk down there when I said it. She +was speechless for a full minute, whilst I kept repeating my demand. At +length she replied, "How dare a boy like you, speak like that to a woman +like me." "I--am not a boy," said I in anger; "I have had many women, I +know all about a woman's pleasure, I know where your thing is; I know +why you tuck your hand outside your clothes after you have piddled." +Then she pushed me out of the kitchen, but I thought she smiled. + +Our family habits were much as they had been, but the weather getting +finer, mother often took both Tom and the housemaid with her out for a +walk; but not until the cook had dressed herself after our early dinner. +Unless she took the housemaid out, I was worse off than ever. Yet my +chances came. + +Cook one day was alone in the kitchen darning a stocking; it was +cold--the beginning of March--her feet were on the old fashioned iron +fender, I sat myself down on the fender, and we talked, I laid my hand +on her lap, and tried quietly without letting her know it, to feel where +she gartered. I felt the knot distinctly above her knee, thought how +near it was to the cunt I was burning to feel, then put my hand up her +clothes, and felt her naked leg under the knee. + +She told me to leave off, my prick was standing, "Have you not jolly big +white thighs, I have heard of them," said I. "Heard?" said she. "Yes, +and a good lot of hair between them." "Who, to look at you would believe +you were such a liar, such a young monkey; get out of the kitchen." She +arose, drew some water, took it in one hand, some clean clothes in the +other, and went upstairs, taking no further notice of me. I followed her +a few steps up, then pushed my hands up her clothes on to her thighs, +just beneath her backslide; round she swung facing me, and sat down on +the stairs; in swinging round my hand came just into contact with the +hair of her cunt; then with a push she sent me downstairs tumbling. As I +got up she said quite quietly, "It's your fault if you are hurt; if you +follow me, I will push you down again," "I am stronger than you." I +sung out,. "I don't care, so long as I can feel you." "If I was not +so comfortable here in many ways, I would leave to-morrow," said she, +continuing to go upstairs, and thinking she had settled me; but I +followed, tried again, and she threw the whole jug of water over me. +"Now tell your mamma," said she, "and I'll surprise her, she don't know +her son," and again she pushed me down. That did not stop my tongue, for +I had now got angry and reckless, sang out my wants, bawling out about +her cunt, and said, "Did you ever sit on the little privy seat Mary, +tell me." She went up, and locked herself in her bed-room, till I was +tired of waiting. + +I had been a month at this fun, and as in Charlotte's case seemed +not getting on at all, my experience was confined to one woman, and +naturally I used to compare everything taking place, with what had taken +place with her. To my inexperienced mind, there was a difference between +the two women which I could not understand: when I first got my hand up +Charlotte's clothes, she was as quick as me, struggled, screeched, and +got my hand away, seemed in dread and astonished. When I got my hand on +Mary's flesh, which I did repeatedly afterwards, she would turn round +quite quietly, remove my hand with force, look at me as if she were +collecting her thoughts, did not seem at all alarmed, but gave me a +lecture. When she kissed me afterwards, it seemed to be upon reflection, +but she did it with force, looked me full in the face, then turned away. +One day she said, "I would not leave a sister of mine here, if she were +young, for five times my wages, but I am old enough to keep you in your +place." + +Soon after mother was one day out, I at home, housemaid and Tom in +the garden; it was a clear, bright day, there was a fire in the garden +parlour, the garden window-door was shut, and I bolted it; it was about +half-past three o'clock, the cook was dressing, I burning with lust, +went to my bed-room, opposite then to her door and listened. I heard +the rattle of piddle, excitement got the better of my fears, I knocked. +"It's not locked," she called out, thinking it was the housemaid; I +opened the door, went in and closed it. + +She was standing before the glass brushing her hair, with but stays on; +over her chemise, I saw at a glance big white breasts, and big white +legs up to her knees. She turned round, and seeing me, put her hands up +to cover her breasts, stepped backwards till the bedstead stopped +her, and said, "Go out, mister Walter," but I threw my arms round her, +clasping her tightly and kissing her on her breasts before she could +repeat her request, and said, "Oh! do Mary, do let me." + +She did not answer, but disengaged herself from my arms. Crafty with +lust and doubtless thinking of former experience, I dropped on my knees, +in an instant had her chemise up, both hands round her great bum, and my +mouth buried in the hair, kissing the outside of her cunt; she sat down +nearly crushing my hands, between her bum and the bedstead, I withdrew +them with a cry of pain. + +She pushed me away; being on my knees, back I tumbled; as I did so, +caught her chemise and lifted it; she put her hands down to prevent it; +I kept my hold tightly, and it tore up with a noise, to where her stays +stopped it from going further; but the rent disclosed thighs belly and +motte simultaneously. She rose, tried to hide her nakedness, and stop +the chemise going further, her legs got somehow entangled with mine, I +fell back, and she fell clean over me. As I fell, my head struck the pot +and overturned it, I felt the warm piddle round my neck and head, and +at the same instant a heavy sort of blow on my nose, and hair on my +lips--it was her naked belly and motte which struck me as she fell on +me. We rolled over, and struggled for a second, I saw white thighs a +huge bum, and then we were both up. She opened the window and shouted +out, "Eliza, Eliza, I want you." + +Then she turned to me with her eyes wide open, her bosom palpitating, +and said, "Get out, you are a nice young blackguard, I would not have +believed it, had I not found you out." And in the same breath hurriedly, +"Oh! my God, Wattie, what is the matter?" I felt a funny trickling +sensation on my upper lip, and putting my hand up to feel, removed it +covered with blood, the result of the blow of her motte on my nose, +which was pouring down blood copiously, and dropping on to my shirt. The +sight of blood always made me furious, "It's a blow from your belly," +said I, "you did it purposely." She saw by that time it was not serious +and said, "it serves you right, and directly your mamma comes in I will +tell her." "Do," said I. She repeated, "You are a young blackguard." + +In the excitement of opening the window, calling out, and seeing my nose +bleeding, she had forgotten her torn chemise; and I had thought about +nothing but my bleeding nose. Standing by the table to open the window, +her form had been hidden, but she moved, disclosed the torn chemise, +partly one of her hips, thigh, leg, and partially the hair of her cunt. +"I can see your cunt," said I staunching my nose. She snatched up the +torn chemise, hiding herself with it. "Oh! go, go," said she, "oh! that +mess, what shall I do!" and she stopped to set up the piss-pot which was +laying on one side; I rushed forward, nose still bleeding, and tried to +feel the half naked thigh. "For God's sake go," said she, "here is Eliza +coming." I heard Tom lumping up step by step slowly, assisted by the +housemaid, and bolted into my room. + +I held the door ajar and listened. "Where is Master Walter?" said the +housemaid as she got to the top landing. "I don't know," said Mary, "is +he not in the drawing-room?" "I don't know," replied Eliza, "what do you +want?" The door closed, I heard no more, but felt sure that Mary did not +mean to tell. My nose left off bleeding, I washed it, and crept quietly +downstairs. + +Eliza and Tommy went down again into the garden; shortly afterwards +down went cook into the kitchen, five minutes after down I went. It was +always dullish in the afternoon there. I had thought that I might risk, +and as I passed the door from the kitchen leading into the garden, shot +the bolt so that, had the housemaid come down that way, she could not +get in also. + +Mary was sitting close to the fire. "No more nonsense I hope," said she. +There was a kiss and forgiveness soon given me, in her tranquil way. + +Again I sat down on the huge kitchen fender, and the next instant was +thinking what I had best do. I had seen those wonderfully large, white +thighs, seen the thicket of lightish hair between them, had felt no +cunt fully for weeks, and was dying with lust. She was as serene as if +nothing had happened, and kissed me, but in the usual motherly sort of +way. She rose up saying, "I must begin to shut up; what is Eliza staying +out so late in the garden with that child for?" That instant I thrust +my hand up her clothes, got it on to the motte, and clutched the hair +between my fingers; it was easy enough, for it was about the longest and +thickest motte thatch I have yet felt Down she sat, and tried to push +me away, but I had firm hold of the hair, and as I did on a similar +occasion with Charlotte, pulled and hurt her; she ceased to push me +off, and there I stopped, my prick throbbing, and every fibre in me, +palpitating with the lust of long continence. Then I pulled and hurt her +again, threatening to hurt her more still unless she let me feel her; +knowing the housemaid must knock before she could get in suddenly, I was +bold. + +She bore my tugs with a little flinching and never answered my +entreaties. I had found my courage, and used the words cunt and fuck; it +was getting dark; looking at me steadily, she said, "So young and yet so +cruel, five minutes ago you were saying you were so fond of me, and now +you are trying to hurt me; you promised you would not touch me again, +now you are doing it; you are all alike, young and old, cruel and +liars." I felt ashamed, but was mad with lust. "A youth like you, and so +quiet as you look." "Youth! I am a man, have had women, feel me, let me +feel you, oh! do feel me." I had my prick out. To get better at her, +go from the fender on to my knees, and was pushing my hand between her +thighs with energy. Pulling her bum back, she stooped, and her face came +near mine. "Kiss me, feel me, and I will indeed leave off, I have seen +your belly, let me feel it, and I will leave off." "You will break +your word again," said she. "I swear not." She put her face to mine and +kissed me, her right hand dropped, and gently laid hold of my prick, her +thighs just so little opened that my fingers passed the hair and felt +the smooth inner face of the lips; it was too much for me, for some +hours my prick had been standing off and on, I had been pulling it +about, longing and hoping to use it, and for a long time no emission had +left it. + +I felt my sperm coming, and could not stop it, my arse jogged and +pushed my prick involuntarily between her fingers, pleasure suddenly +overwhelmed me, and kissing her I spent in her hand--all the work of +half a minute. Then burning shame came over me, I could kiss her no +longer, dared not look her in the face, nor keep my hand between her +thighs, but rose quickly and without a word rushed upstairs to my +bed-room. + +I have done for myself I thought, what a beast she will think me, I +shall never dare to speak to her again, and was ready to cry; little +knowing then that every step in baudiness, is a step towards the +end, and that my spunk on her hand, would help me to shed some in her +elsewhere. + +Feeling so uncomfortable I went out; calling out to the housemaid, that +I should be home about eight o'clock, went to a friend's, had dinner, +but could not talk nor scarcely eat. My friend joked and asked if I was +in love. My prick was standing again after I had eaten, I went home, +making up my mind to go to bed early, preferring solitude and my own +thoughts; it was about seven P. M., to my astonishment Mary opened the +door. I felt my face hot, and could scarcely look at her; she was +as tranquil as ever, nothing ever seemed to disturb that woman. This +tranquility reassured me, the more so when I found mother was still out. +The housemaid had gone out to make a few purchases, leaving Mary alone +with Tommy, who she was just going to put to bed, and upstairs she went +with him for that purpose, without speaking to me. + +What a chance! oh! if I had not been such a beast. My prick rose stiff, +the afternoon's spend was the first I had had for a long time, a stiff +prick gives courage, and darkness helps. We are alone, she said nothing +as I spent in her hand, indeed went on kissing me when spending, what if +I ask her again? What an age she seemed putting Tommy to bed, at last I +heard her say, "Go to sleep, mamma will be home soon," and she went up +to her bed-room. She is going thought I to sit there till Eliza knocks, +and did not dare go up, but stood listening in the hall, feeling my +prick and longing;, at last I heard her coming down with slow, measured +steps. In the hall, I flung my arms around her, kissing and begging her +to forgive me. "I could not help it," said I in a whisper, "you do not +know how I longed for you." "Let me go downstairs," said she. + +The garden parlour door was open. "Come in here and talk." I pulled her +in with but little difficulty, pushed her down on the sofa, and put both +arms round her. The door closed, leaving a small opening; there was +no light, but the gleam which shot from the hall-lamp through the door +ajar; I could barely see her face, and sat by her begging forgiveness +and kissing, but got no reply. My prick was more than stiff, I put my +hand down on her lap, on to her knees, then down to her feet, waiting a +second at each advance--no movement. My hand slipped up bit by bit, +it passed her ankle, her garter, and was on the flesh above--still no +movement. I hesitated and begged--no reply. Up further went my hand, the +thighs were not closed, but let my hand slip between them, a long drawn +sigh came from her as my fingers buried themselves in a fat, warm quim. +I pushed her back gently, and put her hand on to my prick; she held it +tight, and in a whisper said, "Will you never tell anyone?" By my body +and soul I swore it; the thighs opened wider, her body fell back and +disposed itself on the sofa, my hands roved over a large expanse of +flesh, I could see the white mass only, the rest seemed dark. I kissed +the hair on her cunt which I could not see, felt the smooth velvety +haunches, and threw myself on one of the finest, whitest and broadest +bellies I ever yet have had close to mine. The thighs opened to receive +me, and the next moment my prick was gliding up her cunt--she was not a +virgin. + +What a heavenly sense of satisfaction at being up a cunt again. I could +scarcely realize my success; my hands felt between the fat lips, to +ensure my being in all right. I was conscious of a difference between +her and Charlotte, the way she lay, the size of the thighs, the quantity +of hair, and a quiescent manner, made her as different as possible from +my former sweetheart. Novelty made me think this one more delicious, +but nature would not postpone, and was impelling her as well as me; was +tightening her cunt round my prick, her body was thrilling for a spend. +I pushed as her cunt tightening, roused me, tighter was my prick grasped +within her; her arms folded across me, drew me towards her like a vice; +her belly moved up quite slowly to mine, as if to throw me off, then +moved twice or thrice as if in a spasm--a sigh, and her belly sunk down +as slowly as it had risen up, drawing my sperm into her, as she spent. + +We lay without stirring, or uttering a word for a long time, supremely +happy; my prick lingered as if it intended to stop permanently in its +trap, she made no effort to dislodge it; at last it began to shrink, +then curiosity began, down went my hand between our bellies, wet as if +from a bath of gruel was my doodle and her quim. Then she spoke--the +first words uttered--"No--no--." The feel had such an effect on me, +that my prick began again to stiffen. I had with Charlotte failed +ignominiously two or three times, in a third fuck on the same day, and +feared a failure now. I kissed and felt her, as far as my hands and our +clothes would let me, she moved her bum up gently to let my hand under +it, but not a word could I get from her. "Can I do it again?" thought +I, and began pushing--yes it was stiffening, and again was that cunt +tightening. I push harder,--with a gentle heave the belly comes up, I am +off on the ride without having withdrawn; was this the fist time I had +ever been man enough to do it twice without uncunting? I think so. + +The passage of privates was longer, I felt more movement in her +buttocks, her sighs were stronger, her hand moved more restlessly over +my back, our mouths got glued together. Her lips are wet, or it is +mine which are getting wet? There is a new, voluptuous sensation I never +experienced before, it delights me; I glued my lips tighter to hers, +our heaves are quicker, our sighs shorter, I feel the least bit of +her tongue touching my lips. I had never heard of that voluptuous +accompaniment of fucking, and it was to me an inspiration; shooting +out my tongue into her mouth,--hers comes out to meet it; they are +exchanging liquids,--the delight spreads electrically through our +bodies,--up comes her belly,--shorter are my shoves,--a quivering +wriggle to get deeper up her--and we both spend together, as it +seems with more pleasure than I ever did before. How strange I should +recollect this all so clearly. + +The delights of the wet kisses are new to me; although not able to see +them, I thought of her exquisite teeth, and rolled my tongue over them. +She kisses me, still holds me, again my hand goes down to feel the parts +now separating, slobbered, and sticky with past joy; out comes my prick, +and then she speaks. "No-no," she sits up, I by her side, my hand on her +naked thighs for a minute. She gets up, gives me a long kiss, goes to +her room, and soon after comes down, her eyes wet with crying, "Don't +come near me, don't be unkind, let me alone," she says. Her manner was +so commanding, that I let her go to the kitchen without following her. +Shortly Eliza and then my mother came home. + +Mad for her again, I took to my chemistry in the back kitchen +constantly, you may be sure. When I got the chance, spoke of our +pleasures and my hopes. "We ought," said she, "both to be ashamed of +ourselves, but I especially who am so many years older than you, ought +to have known better; if I am punished it will serve me right. Oh! if +you don't hold your tongue! My risk is more than you have any idea of." +All was said in a way as if she were preaching, and looking me full in +the face. + +She refused what I wanted and avoided me, but it was impossible for her +altogether to escape me. Risking everything, emboldened by impunity with +Charlotte, I used to clutch her knees, and put my head up her clothes, +kissing and smelling her motte, I began to love the smell of it. She +used to dislodge me, and neither made a noise, nor uttered a word in +doing so--indeed she rarely spoke at any time. But it is difficult for +a woman who has been fucked by a man to refuse him again; I watched my +opportunities, my conversation broken as it was, and rarely but for a +minute at a time, was one repetition of lustful wants and prayers; I +used to pull my prick out, beg her to see and feel it. At length she +did, saying, "May God forgive me for my weakness." That day I fucked her +again standing in the kitchen, and a second time a few hours afterwards +in the dusk, which experience began to show me was the time she was most +accessible; the other servant was somewhere in the house at the time I +recollect. + +After that her manner changed, she ceased to resist; but when I asked +her to go to a house with me, she said, "No, no, I am not coming to +that." Now, though tranquil, she was more capricious, sometimes letting +me feel her, or do it to her with impatience; at other times with +evident desire to please; but I was so often baulked, and I plagued her +so incessantly to meet me somewhere, that at length she did, saying, +"Well, it little matters, as I have made my bed, so I must lie on it." I +did not know then what she meant by that. + +She got a holiday, we had food at a tavern, went to the house to which I +first took Charlotte, and into the same room; what a reminiscence! As I +got to the door, she looked nervously round and said, "I may as well +be hung for a sheep as a lamb." It was a joyous day for me. Once in the +house she became gay and amatory, threw off all restraint, and abandoned +herself to sexual enjoyment in a way she never did but twice again. + +She was simply dressed as was customary with servants in those days. +Soon I had her standing naked before me with but boots and stockings on. +And what a sight she was. Quite five feet eight high, stout, yet as it +seemed to me then, without a single part of her body either flabby +or shapeless, her skin was of such dazzling whiteness that her white +stockings looked dull by contrast, very light brown hair, which when +pulled out nearly hung to her waist, the hair of her cunt and arm-pits +in quantity of a lighter golden brown; all looked much darker than their +true colour, against the dazzling whiteness of the skin. Ample calves +and thighs, breasts firm as ivory, her arms to match in plumpness and +whiteness, her hands alone discoloured by work, looked dark against the +rest of her glorious person. I recollect this all well, and that at that +time I disliked light-haired women: but in her suddenly, the light hair +appeared to me lovely. + +She changed in manner that day from a condescending matron, to a +lover of my own age; had the complacency of a gay woman, tempered with +modesty. I had no notion of baudily posturing women which I learned +in after life, but had an innate love and perception of all that +was beautiful, and began placing her in attitudes favorable to the +contemplation of her charms. She complied with all; from belly to side, +from side to back I turned her; she smiled as if pleased, curious, and +astonished; and when I turned to quench my passion in her, she met me +with an ardour less demonstrative, but more stifling and satisfying +than Charlotte; it was a worry to think that I had twice fucked her, and +seemed to have finished each time before I had began fucking. + +The firmness of her flesh impressed me, whether I put my finger between +the cheeks of her arse or between her thighs, I could with difficulty +get it away; she could have cracked a nut between either. The next +wonder was the hair of her cunt, which was long but curly; I now see +that she could not have pissed without wetting it, which accounted +for her always what we youths used to call mopping it, after she had +piddled. The cunt looked twice as big as Charlotte's, but the prick-hole +seemed to me smaller; and whether my finger or my prick was in it, +seemed to grasp it tightly. My prepuce used to give me then at times +pain just before, or when I spent in Charlotte; in Mary I scarcely +seemed to feel it, and afterwards a quiet sort of grinding of her cunt, +prolonged my pleasure until my penis left it. I was so new to the work, +that all those differences impressed me, I compared and thought of them +constantly. + +She gave no violent writhes, nor twists, nor jerked her arse, nor +wriggled as she spent, but just as my short thrusts came on, her belly +used gradually to heave up and grow into mine; her cunt almost seemed to +be sucking my prick, whilst it throbbed and jetted its sperm into her; +my hardest thrusts never hurt; Charlotte used to complain if my prick +was too vigorous in her. Then when her pleasure was over; lolling her +tongue against mine, and sucking my very breath from me, she quietly +subsided; leaving me to lay in her, until with a kiss, she would gently +doze off with me in her arms. + +A taste had developed as said, which I have retained to the present +time. I loved to see a woman piddle, used to make Charlotte do it as +often as I could, to place my hand under the stream, and feel its splash +on my fingers; and if chance let me hear the rattle in a pot, or see a +woman rising up from the attitude, my prick used to stand. I did this +with her greatly to her astonishment, she resented it so much that I +never repeated it: singular that a woman who would let me lay and kiss +her cunt, or put finger and prick up it; should refuse to let me see the +water come from it--but so it was. + +Charlotte I loved, and used to feel as if she were part and parcel of +me for life, when I was up her, with Mary I thought of thighs, backside, +cunt, and her other parts, without much liking her beyond the desire of +spending in her. My impression is that I must have fucked that day, +as much as I ever did in my life on one day; my mother remarked that I +looked ill and worn out when I got home, and again fell on her favorite +belief that I was overstudying. How she could have permitted a young man +to be so often in the kitchen, and near to female servants, seems to me +a marvel of stupidity,--but she did. + +Nothing opens a man and woman's heart to each other like fucking. A +woman laying satisfied by your side, her cunt bedewed with your spunk, +with fingers touching your prick, and mouth fresh from contact with +yours; will tell you more than she will at any other time. She did that +day. She had thought me a mere boy, getting baudy with coming manhood, +and had liked me. My quiet, demure manner, made her imagine that such an +attack from me, was among the most improbable things; when I began +she made up her mind to leave, but then came the mystery,--there were +circumstances which rendered it needful for her to stay where she was, +if possible--what they were she would not say. My assault on her in the +bed-room and all that followed upset all her ideas, filled her mind +with images of lust and pleasure, and left that undefined sensation and +unsatisfied longing which is known as randiness. I suddenly seemed a man +to her. My spending in her hand upset her still more. I asked if that +had made her let me have her. She replied, "I gave up the self denial +of years, abandoned my intentions, and let you do it; when you pushed +me into the garden parlour I intended to let you as I went in, I had not +quite intended before." + +There was the greatest difficulty after that day in getting her, for my +mother seemed always in my way, and objected to my being in the kitchen. +Mary never helped me as Charlotte used, as cook indeed she could not. +She ran no risks, and was never in a hurry, so where I had Charlotte +half a dozen times, I could scarcely get Mary once. + +She met me out again, and in a fortnight asked for another holiday. It +astonished my mother, for more than a year she scarcely had gone out, +and never had taken a whole holiday. What another day of ballock-ing it +was, in that old, snug, baudy house--but we had a quarrel there. + +Even with my inexperience, I knew she was different from Charlotte +at the first poke. I used in my mind to compare the differences. +Charlotte's curiosity, the manifest novelty of fucking to her, even for +a couple of months after her splitting and bleeding; was so different +from the steady, quiet, well satisfied way with which Mary copulated. +Pondering over this, I wondered if she had been done before, how often, +and by how many, or had I been the first? The idea of asking her was +always floating through my brain. That day I said to her as her face was +towards mine on the pillow, and I was toying with her bubbies, "I wonder +who had you before me." She sat up, looked me steadily in the face, and +replied, "You have no right to ask me, you are not my husband." "But +tell me." "I shall not, it is an impertinence; how can a youth like you +know anything about first or second." I blurted out, "Because when first +I did it to Char--" the name was almost out of my mouth, but I stopped +in time, "when I first had a young woman (correcting myself), I could +not easily get into her, it tore my prick, and she bled." "Who was it?" +said she. "Oh! a young woman." "But who was it?" I did not reply. "Was +it Charlotte?" and she looked me hard and full in the face. "No," said +I. "Now was it? Tell me," said she bending over, kissing and coaxing me. +"No, it was not." "I believe it was, you once said she was young, and +had dark brown hair--it was she." In vain I denied it. "I felt sure it +was, and with a youth like you! Is it possible you can have harmed that +nice girl! What a wretched, wicked lot you all are, you will be as bad +as the others." Then she suddenly said, "Mind, you have sworn solemnly +never to mention to any living soul about me; oh! once forget yourself, +and it's all up with a woman." Then she laid down, again her manner +became quiet and voluptuous--another fuck followed. I again tried the +question. She settled me by saying, "If ever you ask me that question +again, I will not let you have me afterwards," and I never did ask her +that I can recollect until just before she felt us. + +But she for some time after asked ME questions about my first woman, +"was she tall? were her teeth as good as hers?" and so on. How far she +satisfied herself that it was Charlotte, she never said; for I +don't recollect that she mentioned her name again, and I gave wrong +descriptions; but may have got more information than I meant her to +have, as she asked me at odd times when I was off my guard. + +A third time, to the still greater surprise of my mother, she took a +holiday. We spent it at the house, and she exhausted me and herself. For +a day or two afterwards she gave me every chance at home, and we fucked +furiously. She took to calling me a dear fellow, when her tongue was +not against mine, but which was always the case when our mouths got +together; and I imagine now, must have been a greater luxury to her than +it was then to me. Soon after she received several letters which I said +were from her lover. "I wish they were," said she. Then she took ill, +and when better, refused me altogether. I had opportunities, but she +would not. I said I wished I had never seen her; she said she wished so +too, for she was fond of me, although it was ridiculous at her age +and mine. Afterwards when mother was one evening at the bottom of the +garden, Eliza gone out to the library. I seized Mary as she closed the +shutters; kissing and begging her. She opened her thighs, my fingers +were on her clitoris; she kissing me at intervals said: "Oh! no, oh! I +can't, dear--I dare not--Walter, Walter, you must not; I am a married +woman, and am going home to my husband most likely." + +Soon afterwards she told me her history. Married seven years previously, +her husband became dissipated and unfaithful; and from being a +well-to-do tradesman, brought himself to the condition of a labourer. +She forgave him until he gave her a disease, then she left him as she +had threatened to do. Nothing he could say would induce her to have +anything more to do with him. "Is there anything about me that a man +could not be satisfied with for years?" she asked, as if I were a judge. + +She went home to her mother. He appears to have been fond of her. Love +of women was his great fault; but the disease so set her against him, +that all his entreaties were useless. Nevertheless she was his wife, and +getting into the mother's house one day, when she was alone (Mary), he +fucked her with violence--and violent it must have been, for she was as +strong as a horse. Directly afterwards she left and went to service in +London, confiding only her address to her mother, taking a false name, +and writing him, that if ever he found her out and annoyed her, she +would go abroad. Her husband made the mother a sort of promise to keep +steady for three months, but failed in doing so, went to America, had +never ceased to write affectionate letters which came to her through +her mother, and had recently written to say he had made a large sum of +money, and was coming home. He had sent money home to the mother with +instructions to settle it on Mary how she liked, provided she would +come back to him. Afterwards she showed me his letters; they were well +written, and in a style above a man of his position in life. + +She had lived in service ever since; with us she had then been a year +and a half, and had had but two other places. One she left because +a grown up son began to pay her too much attention. At the other the +master--a married man--made love to her, and one day tried to force her. +I know the last place, it was about three miles from us. + +This news came like a cold bath on me. It suited my taste to have a +woman in the house. The idea of losing her was terrible. She refused +me my pleasures. I doubted her truth at times, but whenever I did, she +would fetch a letter as proof saying, "Now will you believe me?" She +refused to say where her home had been, and what her real name was. I +used to try to make out the postmark on her letters, but could not. They +were negligent in those days in such matters, and postage was dear. + +And now I again asked if she had had any other but her husband and me; +by all that was holy she declared she had not. "How came you to let me?" +"God in heaven knows!" said she, "months ago if anyone had said such a +thing was possible, I should have said it was ridiculous; I only thought +of you as a tall boy, but that day I felt that my life was passing away +without the pleasures of a woman; what you did kneeling down in the +kitchen upset me, then I let you; though I thought I should ruin myself +by doing so." + +She cared but little for her husband, for he had caused her to lead the +life of a widow for years. "Suppose I had done anything wrong," said +she, "and he had found it out, he would have cast me away; but you men +can do what you like, and we poor women have to submit." "But why go +back?" "Four months ago I would not have done so, but you have made me +find out I am a woman after all; you will understand that better as you +grow older. Not many would have kept chaste as I have done until that +night. Now I mistrust myself. I am getting fond of you, but what could +come of it? And if anything came to the ears of my mother and friends, +who are respectable, I should drown myself. I have got plenty of will of +my own, although I am quiet." + +"You don't care much about poking?" + +"I have had my wants, but suppressed them," she replied. "What did you +do?" "Oh!" said she in an off hand way, "what other unmarried women do, +I suppose." "Frigged yourself." She gave a nod and said, "And not often +that." I thought of what Charlotte had told me, but held my tongue. + +I tried to get at her at intervals, but it was no use. "It's caprice," +said I with my prick out, "you let me when I wanted it three weeks ago, +why not now?" "I can't,--I dare not,--it might be certain ruin now." +"What does a fellow care about ruin, when his hand is outside a cunt, +and his prick is like an iron rod?" Twice as strong as me, she could +at all times have escaped me, unless sexual desire was strong on her; +desire gives a man force, but it takes away a woman's force. She rose +up, nor would she continue talking, until I had buttoned up my prick and +promised not to touch her; that done, she said, "Would you wish to ruin +me? You might if I let you, I have been very ill as you know, was in the +family way, my monthlies stopped, and I have brought them on. When I was +in trouble that way, I let you do what you like, now I am going home, +what would become of me if I were in the family way then?" This explained +all. + +I had never given her a present, I never gave Charlotte one; having then +so little money. I never thought about it. I had now more, and offered +to give her some if she wanted any. She showed me a saving-bank's book. +She had got nearly fifty pounds. I bought a pair of gold earrings for +her, it was the first present I had even given a woman, and she was much +pleased. I had I think some vague notion, that it would induce her to +let me have her; but if so, I was deceived. + +Mother seemed to be keeping at home to baulk me. My chemicals had +been taken back into the garden parlour. I knew she wanted to go to my +aunt's; but one morning it was too hot, then it rained, and so on. How I +restrained myself from frigging I don't know, for I used to walk up and +down my bed-room with my prick out stiff, and looking at it; at length a +chance came--my last. + +Mother went to aunt's, the ugly housemaid said, "As Master Tom wont be +at home, do you mind my going out for a couple of hours?" "No," said my +mother, "when the cook is ready." "Please will you tell the cook Mamm," +said she, "or she wont let me go." I had then a tutor in mathematics who +came on that day, but promised to fetch mother home. I had many times +broken my promises to do so, to enable me to get at Mary. Mother said, +"I hope you mean what you say, you are getting a man, and should never +break your word." Anxious to know when the housemaid would go; I asked +her. "I am not going till five o'clock, sir," said she, "unless you +particularly want the books," "That will be too late, for I am to fetch +mamma home,--never mind." + +I finished with my tutor, and out I went. But at about five o'clock came +home near to the house, wondering if the housemaid had gone, (Mary I had +not spoken a word to), waited in sight of the house, and at last saw +a form I guessed to be the housemaid's, going off fast towards the +village; five minutes afterwards I knocked, and Mary opened the door. +Said she, "What brings you home?" I said I was unwell, had a bad cold, +could not go for my mother, would go to bed, would she fetch me a +foot-bath, and went to my bed-room. I had been two days planning the +thing, an old dodge it was though. + +It was hot and quite light, but I drew down the blinds, undressed and +put on my nightgown; she brought the bath, we talked. She had not heard +from her mother again, it was strange,--was she being played with? It +took weeks then to get to America. I kissed and got closer to her, we +were on the edge of the bed; I spoke of our meetings and our pleasures, +she avoided the subject, said I should take cold, prayed me to have +the foot-bath and go to bed. Gradually I got my hand on her thighs, how +could she help it?--a woman who had been fucked by me a lot of times. +But she was firm in refusing me. I lifted my night-shirt, my prick stood +up, the shirt hanging at the back of it like clothes on the hook of a +prop,. Finding that useless, I threatened to frig myself and began the +operation. She said I ought to be ashamed of myself, that she would +leave if I did not desist, and turned to go, when I pulled her on to the +bed. Soon my fingers were on her slit, her fingers on my prick. "I dare +not let you,--oh! pray!" she said, but she was vanquished, silent, and +tranquilly laid down on the bed; nature was too strong for her. + +I lifted her chemise, had a glimpse of the lovely plump calves, and +large, fleshy thighs, as I threw myself impetuously upon her. My belly +closed with hers, and pushing my knuckles through the hairs, I guided my +prick towards her cunt, but alas! too late. The long abstinence and +the excitement were too much for me; just as my fingers opened the +cunt-lips, and my prick touched her cunt, throb--throb--gush--gush, and +over my fingers, over her thighs, into the thicket of hair, on to the +clitoris, on to the smooth, round bum-cheeks below--anywhere--everywhere +excepting the right place, my sperm spurted out: and only the last drop +remained just as I buried my prick in her. Then instead of meeting her +humid tongue with mine, I sank on her breast kissing, yet damning and +cursing like a dragoon, at my spoiled pleasure,--I had spent out of +sheer copiousness of spunk, and excitement. + +Said she, "It is as well as it is, get off." I made no reply, hoping my +sexual force would return, for my prick was in her sheath. She moved to +release herself. Stronger far than me, she could in any other attitude +have easily done so; but the most difficult position for a woman to +disengage herself from a man, is when he is on the top of her, well +between her thighs, and clasping her backside tightly. As she moved +there was no strong will in it; how could it be otherwise? She in the +prime of life had been without it for weeks, nature was pleading for me, +my prick was in her, my spunk all about her. To gain time I promised to +get off in a minute. "Kiss me." Our mouths and tongues met. It was like +magic. A voluptuous throb passed through both of us, my prick stiffened +to the full, a sympathetic grind of her cunt responded; again we were in +the full tide of pleasure, fucking and spending together, the future was +forgotten as we sunk quietly down. I had spent twice without uncunting; +scarcely was it over than she pushed me off, and washed out her cunt in +my foot-bath. + +We sat on the side of the bed kissing and feeling each other, it was +like the old time, the door wide open to hear the street door knocks. +When the housemaid knocked, into bed I got; an hour afterwards home came +my mother and into my bed-room. She approved of the hot foot-bath, but +insisted on my taking a febrifuge. To keep up the sham, I took it, Mary +brought it and stood by, whilst my mother gave it to me; my prick was +again standing like a prop at the sight of Mary, and as my mother pulled +the bed-clothes over me, she might, if she had had eyes, seen my prick +pushing them almost up. + +Next morning she gave notice to leave. I never had her again. On one or +two occasions I felt her, and if there had been more time might perhaps +have had her. At the end of a fortnight she told me that her monthlies +were all right. From that day she resolutely refused to even let me feel +her. "I don't much care about going back," said she; "I don't think I +shall be happy, but I do it for the best; at all events I shall have a +home." The day before she went she said, "Goodbye, God bless you, you +are a good fellow," but you will play mischief with many a poor girl +here before you have done. "I like you very much, and shall always think +of you." I never heard of her after, and with her, passed from me the +woman who is still in my recollection as one of the most beautiful, and +perfect in form; as one who gave me the greatest sexual pleasure,--but I +was of course very young and inexperienced. + +My mother remarked that she was the most trustworthy servant she ever +had; but that there was a mystery about her. Her boxes were labelled +for a place that the coach would not take her to, and her boxes were not +like a servant's. "I think she has been crossed in love and ran away," +said mother. Said I, "Perhaps she had gone off with a bobby," it was a +current joke then, policemen not having been long invented. My mother +said in her severe way, "She is a virtuous woman, a youth like you +should not utter ignorant jokes about women, especially about the +humbler classes, to whom good reputation is everything." I began to see +plainer than ever, that I could humbug mother after that. + +Many of our conversations are told here in her very words, others as +nearly as I can recollect them. I have often wondered at the way this +woman behaved to me, talked to me, and all about her. The circumstances +as they occurred, even at the time seemed peculiar; I felt as if I was +wicked in getting into her, almost as if I was going to poke my mother; +but I cannot attempt to analyze motives or sensations, I simply narrate +facts. Certain it is, that I never have had a woman who in behaviour +resembled Mary, in manner, conversation, and general behaviour,--I +always felt as if she were a superior person to me, as if she were +obliging me and not herself, and was putting me under an obligation, by +letting me fuck her. + +Again lonely, I not only wanted cunt, but also the society of a +woman, it was so sweet to see and talk, to some one I fucked; to do so +secretly, was an additional charm, and I used to feel quite sad. I was +then about in my eighteenth year. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + At the Manor house.--Fred's amours.--Sarah and Mary.--What + drink and money does.--My second virgin.--My first whore.-- + Double fucking.--Gamahucking.--Minette.--A belly up and + down. + +One aunt as said lived in H...shire, a widow; her son, my cousin Fred, +was preparing for the Army. I wanted a change, and went by advice to +stay there. Fred was a year older than me, wild and baudy to the day +of his death, he talked from boyhood incessantly about women. I had not +seen him for some time, and he told me of his amours, asking me about +mine. I let him know all, without disclosing names; he told me in nearly +the words, that it was "a lie," for he had heard my mother say, that +I was the steadiest young fellow possible, and she could trust me +anywhere. This, coupled with my quiet look, and the care I took not to +divulge names, made him disbelieve me; but I disclosed so many facts +about women's nature, that he was somewhat astonished. He told me what +he had done, about having had the clap, and what to do if I got it; then +he had seduced a cottager's daughter on the estate; but his description +of the taking, did not accord with my limited experience. One day he +pointed the girl out to me at the cottage door, and said he now had her +whenever he wanted. + +She was a great coarse wench, whom he had seen in my aunt's fields. He +had caught her piddling on one side of a hedge; she saw him looking at +the operation from a ditch, and abused him roundly for it; it ended +in an acquaintance, and his taking her virginity one evening on a +hay-cock,--that was his account of it. + +Her father was a labourer on my aunt's estate, the girl lived with him +and a younger sister, her name was Sarah; he expatiated on her charm +from backside to bubbies, but it was soon evident to me, that with this +woman it was no money, no cunt; for he borrowed money of me to give her. +I had squeezed money out of my aunt, my guardian and mother, and had +about ten pounds,--a very large sum for me then, so I lent him a few +shillings. + +He had his shove as he called it, and triumphantly gave me again such +account of his operations, and the charms of the lady, that I who +had been some time without poking, wondered if the girl would let me; +arguing to myself, he gives her money--my girls never wanted money,--why +should his? He had been dinning into my ears, that all women would let +men for money, or presents, or else from lust. "Kiss and grope, and if +they don't cry out, show them your prick and go at them." These maxims +much impressed me. + +"Fred," said my aunt at breakfast, "ride over to Brown about his rent, +you will be sure to find him at the corn market," and she gave him other +commissions at the market town. I promised to ride with him, but had +been tortured with randiness about this great wench of his; so made some +excuse, and as soon as he was well off, sauntered towards the cottage, +which was about half a mile from the Hall. + +It was one of a pair in a lane. Scarcely anyone passed them excepting +people on my aunt's lands. One was empty. The girl was sweeping in front +of the cottage, the door was wide open. I gave her a nod, she dropped a +respectful curtsey. Looking round and seeing no one, I said, "May I come +in and rest, for it is hot and I am tired?" "Yes sir," said she, and in +I went, she giving me a chair; then she finished her sweeping. Meanwhile +I had determined to try it on. "Father at home?" "No sir, he be +working in the Seven-Acre field." "Where is your sister?" "At mill, +sir"--meaning a paper mill. I thought of Fred. It was my first offer, +and scarcely knew how to make it, but chucking her under the chin said, +"I wish you would let me--" "What, sir?" "Do it to you," said I boldly, +"and I will give you five shillings," producing the money; I knew it was +what Fred gave her usually. + +She looked at me and the five shillings, which was then more than her +wages for a week's work in the fields, burst into laughter and said, +"Why, who would have thought a gentleman from the Hall would say that +to a poor girl like me." "Let me do it," said I hurredly, "if you wont I +must go--I will give you seven and six pence." "You wont tell the young +squire?" said she--meaning Fred. "Of course not." She went to the door, +looked both ways, then at the clock, shut the door and bolted it without +another word. + +The house consisted of a kitchen, a bed-room, leading out of it, and +a wash-house. She opened the bedroom door, there were two beds which +almost filled the room; at the foot of one was a window, by its side a +wash-stand. She got on to the largest bed saying, "Make haste." I pulled +up her clothes to her navel and looked. "Oh! make haste," said she. +But I could not, it was the third cunt I had seen, and I paused to +contemplate her. Before me lay a pair of thick, round thighs, a large +belly, and a cunt covered with thick brown hair, a dirty chemise round +her waist, coarse woolen blue stockings darned with black, and tied +below the knees with list, thick hob-nailed boots. The bed beneath was +white and clean, which made her things look dirtier; it was different +to what I had been accustomed to. I looked too long, "Better make haste, +for father will be home to dinner," said she. + +I put my hand to her cunt, she opened her thighs, and I saw the cleft, +with a pair of lips on each side like sausages, a dark vermillion strong +clitoris sloped down and hid itself between the lips, in the recesses of +the cock-trap; the strong light from the window enabled me to see it as +plainly as if under a microscope. I pushed my finger up, then my cock +knocked against my belly, asking to take the place of my finger, and so +up I let it go. No sooner was I lodged in her, than arse, cunt, thighs +and belly, all worked energetically, and in a minute I spent. Just as +I pulled out, her cunt closed round my prick with a strong muscular +action, as if it did not wish the warm pipe withdrawn, a movement of the +muscles of the cunt alone, and it drew the last drop of lingering sperm +out of me. + +I got on my knees, contemplating the sausage lips half open, from which +my sperm was oozing, and then got off sorry it had been so quick a +business. She laid without moving and looking kindly at me said, "Ye may +ha me agin an yer loike." "But your father will be home?" "In half an +hour," said she. "I don't think I can," said I. Such coolness in a woman +was new to me, I scarcely knew what to make of it. She got hold of my +tool, I had not had a woman for some time, soon felt lust entering my +rod again, and sought her cunt with my hands. She opened her legs wider +in a most condescending manner and I began feeling it. I was soon fit, +which she very well knew, for immediately with a broad grin on her face +she pulled me on to her and put my prick in her cunt herself, lodging it +with a clever jerk of her bum, a squeeze, and a wriggle. + +I fucked quietly, but it was now her turn; she heaved and wriggled +so that once she threw my prick out of her, but soon had it in again. +"Shove, shove," said she suddenly, and I shoved with all my might, she +clipped my arse so tightly that she must have left the marks of her +fingers on it, then with a close wriggle and a deep sigh, she lay still, +her face as red as fire, and left me to finish by my own exertions. + +I felt the same squeeze of the cunt as I withdrew, one of those +delicious contraction which women of strong muscular power in their +privates can give; not all can do it. Those who cannot never can +understand it. Those who can, will make a finger sensible of it's grip, +if put up their cunts. + +She got up, and tucked her chemise between her legs to dry her split, +she did not wash it. "I am always alone," said she, "between eight and +twelve just now," and as any woman just then answered my wants, I made +opportunities, and I had her again two or three times, till a rare bit +of luck occurred to me. + +We were in the bed-room one hot day; to make it cooler I took off +trowsers and drawers, laid them on a chair, carefully rolled my shirt up +round my waist, so as to prevent spunk falling upon it, and thus +naked from my boots to waist, laid myself on the top of my rollicking, +belly-heaving, rump-wriggling country lass. + +I always gave her five shillings before I began; she had taken a letch +for me, or else being hot cunted, and not getting it done to her often, +dearly liked my poking her; and seeming to want it that day unusually, +began her heaving and wriggling energetically. We were well on towards +our spend, when with a loud cry of "Oh! my God!" she pushed me off, and +wriggled to the bedside. I got off, and saw a sturdy country girl of +about fifteen or sixteen years, standing in the bed-room door looking at +us with a broad grin, mixed with astonishment, upon her face. + +For an instant nobody spoke. Then the girl said with a malicious grin, +"pretty goings on Sarah, if fearther knowed un--" "How dare you stand +looking at me?" said Sarah. "It's my room as well as yourn," said +Martha, for that was her name; and nothing further was said then. But +Martha's eyes fixed on me as I sat naked up to my waist with my prick +wet, rigid, red, throbbing, and all but involuntarily jerking out its +sperm. I was in that state of lust, that I could have fucking anything +in the shape of a cunt, and scarcely knew in the confusion of the +moment, where I was, and what it was all about. Sarah saw my state, and +began pulling down my shirt. "Go out of the room," said she to her +sister. "Damn it I will finish, I will fuck you," said I making a snatch +at her cunt again. "Oh! for God's sake, don't sir," said she. With a +grin out went young sister Martha into the kitchen, and then Sarah began +to blubber, "If she tells fearther, he will turn me out into the +streets." + +"Don't be a fool," said I, "why should she tell?" "Because we are bad +friends." "Has she not done it?" "No, she is not sixteen." "How do you +know she has not?" "Why we sleep together and I know." "Who sleeps in +the other bed?" "Fearther." "In the same room?" "Yes." "Don't you know +anything against her?" "No, last hay-making I seed a young man trying +to put his hands up her clothes, that's all; she has only been a woman +a few months." If she tells of her, she will tell of me, I thought. It +might come to my aunt's ears, Fred would know, and I should get into a +scrape. + +"It is a pity she has not done it," said I, "for then she would not +tell." "I wish she had," she replied. One thing suggested another. "She +knows all about what we were doing?" Sarah nodded. "Get her to promise +not to tell, and get her to let me do it to her, and I will give you two +pounds," said I, taking the money out of my purse. + +It was more money than she had ever had in her life at one time, her +eyes glistened; she was silent a minute as if reflecting, then said, +"She has always been unkind to me, and she shant get me turned out if I +can help it." Then after farther talk, some hesitation, and asking me if +I was sure I would give her the money, she said, "I'll try, let's have +a jolly good drink, then I'll leave you together," and we went into the +kitchen. I saw her dodge. + +Martha was leaning, looking out of the window, her bum sticking out, her +short petticoats showing a sturdy pair of legs; she turned round to us, +it was about eleven o'clock in the day, the old man was at work far off +and had taken his dinner with him that day, Sarah had told me. + +"You won't tell father," said Sarah in a smooth tone. No reply but +a grin. "If you do, I will tell him I saw young Smith's hand up your +clothes." "It's a lie." + +"Yes, he did, and you know you have seen all he has got to show." "You +are a liar," said Martha. Sarah turned to me and said, "Yes, she did, +we both saw him leaking, and a dozen more chaps." "She saw their +cocks?" said I. "Yes." "You took me to see them, you bitch," said Martha +bursting out in a rage. "You did not want much taking, what did you say, +and what did you do in bed that night, when we talked about it?" "You +are a wicked wretch, to talk like that before a strange young man," said +Martha and bounced out of the cottage. + +In a short time she came in again, the oldest told me scandals she +knew about her sister, and made her so wild, that they nearly fought. I +stopped them, they made it up, and I sent off the eldest to fetch shrub, +gin and peppermint; it was a good mile to the tavern in the village. + +When she had gone I told Martha I hoped she would do no mischief. She +was nothing loath to let me kiss her, so there was soon acquaintance +between us. She had seen me half naked, how long she had been watching I +knew not, but it was certain she had seen me shoving as hard as I could +between the naked thighs of her sister, and that was well calculated +to make her randy and ready for the advances of a man. "Here is five +shillings, don't say anything my dear." "I won't say nothing," said she +taking the money. Then I kissed her again, and we talked on. + +"How did you like him feeling you?" I asked, "was he stiff?" No reply. +"Was it not nice when he got his hand on your thigh?" Still no reply. +"You thought it nice when in bed, Sarah says." "Sarah tells a wicked +story," she burst out. "What does she tell?" "I don't know." "I will +tell you my dear; you talked about Smith's doodle and the other men's +you saw pissing." "You are the gentleman from London stopping at the +Hall," she replied, "so you had better go back and leave us poor girls +alone," and she looked out of the window again. + +"I am at the Hall," said I putting my hand round her waist, "and like +pretty girls," and I kissed her until she seemed mollified and said, +"What can you want in troubling poor girls like us?" "You are as +handsome as a duchess, and I want you to do the same as they do." "What +is that?" said she innocently. "Fuck," said I boldly. She turned away +looking very confused. "You saw me on your sister, between her thighs, +that was fucking; and you saw this," at the same time pulling out my +prick, "and now I am going to feel your cunt." + +I put my hand up her clothes and tried to feel, but she turned round, +and after a struggle half squatted on the floor to prevent me. The +position was favorable, I pushed her sharply half on to her back on the +floor, got my fingers on to her slit, and in a moment we were struggling +on the floor, she screaming loudly as we rolled about. + +She was nimble, got up and escaped me, but by the time her sister came +back, I had felt her bum, pulled her clothes up, and talked enough +baudiness; she had hollowed, cried, laughed, abused and forgiven me, for +I had promised her a new bonnet, and had given her more silver. + +Sarah brought back the liquors, there was but one tumbler and a mug, we +did with those; the weather was hot, the liquor nice, the girls drank +freely. In a short time they were both frisky, it got slightly into my +head; then the girls began quarrelling again, and let out all about each +other, the elder's object being to upset the younger one's virtue and +make her lewed. I began to get awfully randy, and told Sarah I had felt +her sister's cunt whilst she had been out. She laughed and said, "All +right, she will have it well felt some day, she's a fool if she don't." +We joked about my disappointment in the morning, I asked Sarah to give +me my pleasure then. "Aye," said she, "and it is pleasure, when Martha +has once tasted it, she will like it again." Martha very much fuddled, +laughed aloud saying, "How you two do go on." Then I put my hands up +Sarah's clothes. "Lord how stiff my prick is, look," and I pulled +it out, Martha saying, "I won't stand this," rushed from the room. I +thought she had gone, and wanted to have Sarah; but she thought of the +two pounds, and shutting Martha's mouth, "Try her," said she, "she must +have it some day, she'll come in soon." When the girl did, we went +on drinking. What with mixing gin, peppermint and rum shrub, both got +groggy, and Martha the worst. Then out went Sarah saying she must go to +the village to buy something, and she winked at me. + +She had whilst the girl was outside told me to bolt the front door, and +if by any chance her father came home, which was not likely; to get out +of the bed-room window,and through a hedge, which would put me out of +sight in a minute. Directly she was gone I bolted the door and commenced +the assault. Martha was so fuddled, that she could not much resist my +feeling her bum and thighs, yet I could not get her to go and lie down; +she finished the liquor, staggered, and then I felt her clitoris. + +I was not too steady, but sober enough to try craft where force failed. +I wanted to piss, and did, holding the pot so that she could see my cock +at the door, but she would not come into the bed-room. Then I dropped a +sovereign, and pretending I could not find it, asked her to help me; she +staggered into the bed-room laughing a drunken laugh. The bed was near, +I embraced her, said I would give her two sovereigns if she would get +on the bed with me. "Two shiners?" said she. "There they are," said I +laying them down. "No--no," but she kept looking at them. I put them +into her hand, she clutched them saying, "No--no," and biting one of her +fingers, whilst I began again tittillating her clitoris, she letting me. +From that moment I knew what money would do with a woman. Then I lifted +her up on to the bed, and lay down besides her. All her resistance was +over, she was drunk. + +I pulled up her clothes, she lay with eyes shut, breathing heavily, +holding the gold in her hand. I pulled open her legs, with scarcely any +resistance, and saw a mere trifle of hair on the cunt; the novelty +so pleased me, that I kissed it; then for the first time in my life I +licked a cunt, the spittle from my mouth ran on to it, I pulled open +the lips, it looked different from the cunts I had seen, the hole was +smaller. "Surely," thought I, "she is a virgin." She seemed fast asleep, +and let me do all I wanted. + +In after life, I should have revelled in the enjoyment of anticipation +before I had destroyed the hymen; but youth, want, liquor, drove me on, +and I don't remember thinking much about the virginity, only that the +cunt looked different from the two others I had known. The next instant +I laid my belly on hers. "Oh! you are heavy, you smother me," said she +rousing herself, "you're going to hurt me,--don't sir, it hurts," all in +a groggy tone and in one breath. I inserted a finger between the lips of +her quim, and tried gently to put it up, but felt an impediment. She had +never been opened by man. I then put my prick carefully in the nick, and +gave the gentlest possible movement (as far as I can recollect) to it. + +Her cunt was wet with spittle, I well wetted my prick, grasped her round +her bum, whilst I finally settled the knob of my tool against it, +then putting my other hand round her bum, grasped her as if in a +vice, nestled my belly to hers, and trembling with lust, gave a +hinge,--another,--and another. I was entering. In another minute it +would be all over with me, my sperm was moving. She gave a sharp "oh!" A +few more merciless shoves, a loud cry from her, my prick was up her, and +her cunt was for the first time wetted with a man's sperm; with short, +quiet thrusts I fell into the dreamy pleasure, laying on the top of her. + +Soon I rolled over to her side, to my astonishment she lay quite still +with mouth open, snoring, and holding the two sovereigns in her hand. +I gently moved to look at her; her legs were wide open, her gown and +chemise (all the clothing she had on) up to her navel, her cunt showed a +red streak, my spunk was slowly oozing out streaked with blood, a little +was on her chemise; but I looked in vain for the sanguinary effusion +which I saw on Charlotte's chemise, and on my shirt, when I first had +her; and from later experience, think that young girls do not bleed as +much as full grown women, when they loose their virginity. + +Her cunt as I found from ample inspection afterwards, was lipped like +her sister's, the hair, about half an inch long, scarcely covered the +mons, and only slightly came down the outer lips, her thighs were plump +and round, her calves big for her age; she was clean in her flesh, but +alas! thick blue stockings with holes and darns, big boots with holes at +the sides, a dirty ragged chemise, dark garters below the knees, made +an ugly spectacle compared with the clean whiteness of Charlotte's and +Mary's linen. + +But the sight took effect, my prick had her blood on it, quietly I +slid my finger up her cunt, it made her restless, she moved her legs +together, shutting my hand in them; she turned on her side, and showed +a plump white bum, over one side of which a long streak of bloody sperm +had run. I pulled her on to her back, then she awakened struggling and +called out loudly, but I was heavy on her, my prick at her cunt's mouth, +and I pushed it up until it could go no further, whilst she kept calling +out, I was hurting her. + +"Be quiet, I can't hurt you, my prick is right up you," said I beginning +the exercise. She made no reply, her cunt seemed deliriously small, +whenever I pushed deep, she winced as if in pain, I tried to thrust my +tongue into her mouth, but she resisted it. Suddenly she said, "Oh! go +away, Sarah will be home and find us." I had my second emission, and +went to sleep with my prick up her,--I was groggy. She slept also. + +I awakened, got up tired with heat, excitement, drink and fucking. She +got up, and sat on the side of the bed half sobered, but stupid; dropped +a sovereign, and did not attempt to pick it up. I did, and put it back +into her hands; she took it without saying a word. When buttoned up, I +asked her what she was going to do, but all the reply I could get was, +"You go now." I went into the kitchen, banged the door, but held the +latch, the door remained ajar, and I peeped through. + +She sat perfectly still so long, that I thought she was never going +to move; then sat down on the chair and laid her head against the bed, +looking at the sovereigns at intervals; then put them down, put her hand +up her petticoats carefully feeling her cunt, looked at her fingers, +burst into tears, sat crying for a minute or two, then put a basin with +water on to the floor, and unsteady, partially upset it, but managed to +wash, and got back on to the chair, leaving the basin where it was. Then +she pulled up the front of her chemise and looked at it, again put her +fingers to her cunt, looked at them, again began crying, and leaned her +head against the bed, all in a drowsy, tipsy manner. Whilst so engaged, +her sister knocked and I let her in; she looked at me in a funny way; I +nodded; she went into the bed-room and closed the door, but I heard most +of what was said. + +"What are you sitting there for?" No reply. "What's that basin there +for?" No reply. "You have been washing your grummit?" No reply. "What +have you been washing it for?" "I was hot." "Why, you have been on the +bed!" "No, I ain't." "You have, with he." "No, I ain't." "I know he +have, and been atop a you, just as he were atop on me this morning." +"No, he ain't." Then was a long crying fit. Sarah said, "What's the good +of crying you fool, no one ain't going to tell, I shant, and the old man +won't know." + +Then their voices dropped, they stood together, but I guessed she was +asking what I had given her. + +Then I went in. "You have done it to my sister," said Sarah. "No," said +I. "Yes, you have," and to Martha crying, "Never mind, its better to be +done by a gent, than by one of them mill-hands, I can't abear 'em; leave +off, don't be a fool." I went out of the room, Sarah followed me, and +I gave her the two sovereigns. "You know," she said, "some one would ha +done it to her; one of them mill-hands, or Smith would, he's alius after +her, and I knows he got his hands upon her." + +Fred went up to London next day, and I was at the cottage soon after; +the girls were there, the elder grinned, the younger looked queer, and +would not go to the bed-room. "Don't be a fool," said the elder, and +soon we were alone together there. Half force, half entreaty got her on +to the bed, I pulled up her clothes, forced open her legs, and lay for +a minute with my belly to hers in all the pleasure of anticipation, then +rose on my knees for a close look. My yesterday's letch seized me, I +put my mouth to her cunt and licked it, then put my prick up the tight +little slit and finished my enjoyment. + +Afterwards when I had her she was neat and clean underneath, although +with her every day's clothes on. She was frightened to put on her Sunday +clothes. She was a nice plump round girl, with a large bum for her size, +with pretty young breasts, and a fat-lipped little slit, the lining of +it instead of being a full red like Charlotte's, Mary's, and Sarah's +cunts, was of a delicate pink. I suppose is was that which attracted me. +Certain it is that I had never licked a cunt before, never had heard +of such a thing, though "lick my arse" was a frequent and insulting +invitation for boys to each other. + +I saw her nearly every day for a week, and her modesty was soon broken. +Sleeping in the same room with her father, accustomed to being in +the fields or at a mill, such girls soon loose it; but she seemed +indifferent to my embraces, and all the enjoyment was on my side. "I've +not much pleasure in that," said she, "but more when you put your tongue +there." I could not believe that was so in a young and healthy lass, but +being always in a hurry to get my poking done lest her father came home, +used to lick, put up her, spend quickly and leave; but she soon got to +rights. I licked so hard and long the next time I had her, at the side +of the bed; that all at once I felt her cunt moving, her thighs closed, +then relaxed, and she did not answer me. I looked up, she was laying +with eyes closed and said, that what I had done was nicer than anything. +I had gamahuched her till she spent. + +After that she spent like other women, when I had her. I tell this +exactly as I recollect it, and can't attempt to explain. She worked at a +paper mill, slack work was the reason of her being at home, now she was +going back to work; I feared a mill hand would get her, and offered to +pay her what she earned; but if she did not go to the mill, her father +would make her work in the fields, and she dare not let him see she had +money. + +Indeed the two sisters did not dare to buy the finery they wanted, +because they could not say how they got the money. So back to the mill +she went, it being arranged that she should stay away now and then, +for me to have her. "Oh! won't she," said Sarah "she takes to ruddling +natoral, I can tell you." Sarah said she told her everything I had done +to her, including the licking, and I felt quite ashamed of Sarah knowing +that I was so green, as I shall tell presently. + +Fred returned, and I had difficulty in getting her often. My cousins +walked out in the cool of the evening, I with them; often we passed the +cottage, and I made signs if I saw the girls. I sometimes then had her +upright in a small shed or by a hay-stack in the dark, where the hay +pricked my knuckles. + +Fred was soon to join his regiment, was always borrowing money of me +"for a shove," and never repaid me; but he was a liberal, good-hearted +fellow; and when in after life I was without money and he kept a woman, +he said, "You get a shove out of ------," meaning his woman, "she likes +you, and I shant mind, but don't tell me." I actually did fuck her; nor +did he ever ask me,--but that tale will be told hereafter. Nothing till +his death pleased him more than referring to our having looked at the +backside of his mother and at his sister's quims, he would roar with +laughter at it. He was an extraordinary man. + +One day we rode to the market-town; and putting up our horses, strolled +about. Fred said, "Let's both go and have a shove." "Where are the +girls?" said I. "Oh! I know, lend me some money." "I only have ten +shillings." "That is more than we shall want." We went down a lane past +the Town-Hall, by white-washed little cottages, at which girls were +sitting or standing at the doors making a sort of lace. "Do you see a +girl you like?" said he. "Why, they are lace-makers." "Yes, but some +of them fuck for all that; there is the one I had with the last +half-a-crown you lent me." Two girls were standing,-together; they +nodded. "Let's try them," said Fred. We went into the cottage; it was a +new experience to me. He took one girl, leaving me the other, I felt +so nervous; she laughed as Fred (who had never in his life a spark of +modesty), put his hands up her companion's clothes. That girl asked what +he was going to give her, and it was settled at half-a-crown each. Fred +then went into the back-room with his woman. + +I never had had a gay woman. A fear of disease came over me. She made +no advances, and at length feeling my quietness was ridiculous, I got my +hands up her clothes, pulling them up and looking at her legs. "Lord! I +am quite clean, sir," said she in a huff, lifting her clothes well up. +That gave me courage, I got her on to an old couch, and looked at her +cunt, but my prick refused to stand; her being gay upset me. She laid +hold of my prick, but it was of no use. "What is the matter with you?" +said she, "don't you like me?" "Yes, I do." "Have you ever had a girl?" +I said I had. Fred who had finished, bawled out, "Can't we come in?" +This upset me still more, and I gave it up. In Fred and his girl came, +and he said, "There is water in the other room." I went in and feigned +to wash myself, and hearing them all laughing, felt ashamed to come out, +thinking they were laughing about me; though such was not the case, it +was because Fred was beginning to pull about my woman. + +I had more money than I had told Fred, and when he said he was thirsty, +offered to send for drink, thinking my liberality would make amends for +my impotence. Gin and ale was got; then I began to feel as if I could do +it. "She's got a coal-black cunt," said Fred, and I seemed to fancy his +woman; then he said to mine, "What colour is yours?" and began to lift +her clothes; "let's change and have them together," and we went at once +into the back room, whither the two girls had gone. One was piddling, +Fred pulled her up from the pot, shoved her against the side of the bed, +bawling out, "You get the other," and pulled out his prick stiff and +ready. An electric thrill seemed to go through me at this sight, I +pulled the other into the same position by the side of Fred's; then the +girls objected, but Fred hoisted up his girl and plunged his prick into +her. Mine got on to the bed, leaving me to pull up her clothes. The same +fear came over me, and I hesitated; Fred looked and laughed, I pulled +up her clothes, saw her cunt; fear vanished, the next moment I was into +her, and Fred and I, side by side, were fucking. + +All four were fucking away like a mill, then we paused and looked at +our pricks, as they alternately were hidden and came into sight from the +cunts. Fred put out his hand to my prick, I felt his, but I was coming; +my girl said, "Don't hurry." It was too late, I spent, laid my head upon +her bosom, and opening my eyes, saw Fred in the short shoves. The next +instant he lay his head down. + +I believe now that really all four felt ashamed for directly after we +were all so quiet, one of the girls remarked, "Blest if I ever heard +of such a thing afore, you Lunnon chaps are a bad lot." A long time +afterwards I again had the girl for two and sixpence, Fred was then in +Canada; she recollected me well, and asked me, whether gals and chaps +usually did such things together in London. + +Fred and I used to examine our pricks for a few days after, to see if +there were any pimples on them. Fred soon forgot his fear and shame, and +offered to bet me the fee of the gals, that he would finish first, if we +went and repeated the affair, but we did not. + +Martha became very curious about me and my doings with Sarah. New to +fucking as she was; she got jealous at the idea of anyone sharing my +cock with her. She was curious too to know about her sister's pleasure; +the elder had I think got all she wanted to know from the younger, and +had made but little return for it in information. + +Then my amatory knowledge was increased by an event unlooked for, +unthought of, unpremeditated; I am quite sure I had neither heard, nor +read of such a thing before; and should at that period of my life have +scouted the idea, as beastly and abominable, though I had done it. How +I came to lick Martha's cunt even then astonished me, I thought that it +was the small size, the slight hair, and youthfulness of the article; +but I used to lick it very daintily, wiping my mouth, spitting +frequently, and never venturing beyond the clotoris. It occurred to me +one day instead of kneeling, to lay down and lick; so I laid on the +bed, my head between her thighs, my cock not far from her mouth, and +indulging her in the luxury; for it was much the idea of pleasing her +that made me do it. She played with my cock and wriggled as my tongue +played over her clotoris, then grasped my prick hard, which gave me a +premonitory throb of pleasure. "Do to me what I am doing to you," said +I, "put it in your mouth," scarcely knowing what I said and without any +ulterior intention. She with her pleasure getting intense, impelled by +curiosity, or by the fascination of the cock, or by impulse, the result +of my tongue on her cunt, took it in her mouth instantly. How far my +prick went in, whether she sucked, licked, or simply let it enter, I +know not, and I expect she did not either; but as she spent I felt a +sensation resembling the soft friction of a cunt, and instantly shot my +sperm into her mouth and over her face. Up she got, calling me a beast. +I was surprised and ashamed of this unlooked for termination, and said +so to her. + +I had as said arranged signs as I passed the cottage about our meetings, +yet had difficulty now in getting at her without being found out, and +never should, excepting for the elder sister, to whom I gave every now +and then money. She took care of the house, rarely went out, but worked +at a coarse of lace, and earned money that way. She used to sit outside +the cottage door if fine; working, and curtseying when we, who were +called the Hall folks, passed. My aunt said one day, "What a strapping +wench that is, don't you think so Walt? you always look at her as you +pass." I might have replied, "Yes she is, and her arse is remarkably +like yours," but I did not, and was after that more on my guard. Fred +had not had the girl for a long time, that freed me a little. Then +Martha shammed ill two days to stay from the mill and let me have her, +and I spent a good many hours with her. As I turned my head quickly one +day, I thought I saw the bed-room door close, and it occurred to me, +that the elder had been watching; she looked letcherously at me as I +came out. + +I went one day soon after, and found Sarah alone. She made some excuse +about her sister being obliged to go to work. I was going away angry, +when she asked me to look at her new boots and stockings. Amused at +her vanity, I looked and she put them on. "Them fits fine," said she, +showing her legs amply. I was not excited about it, and was going. +"Ain't you never going to ha me agin?" said she. "I've no money." "We +are old friends, never mind money, if I hadn't got you Martha we moight +ha been good friends still,--ar wish a hadn't." "You did it to save us," +said I. "Ah, but yer shouldn't leave old friends, and I ha watched and +made yer both comfortable." Well, thought I, this is an invitation to +fucking,--she had a wonderful slip in her cunt, and I began to rise. +"You have lots of friends," said I. "I take my oath, that no friend has +seen me since the day you got my sister; ain't I been allus on watch for +yer, did yer ever pass without seeing me?" + +A woman who wants fucking is not easy to resist, even if she is ugly and +middle-aged. There she sat, the picture of health, her petticoats nearly +up to her knees; I had never before seen them excepting in coarse blue +woolen stockings. I rolled her clothes up, saw the big thighs, the next +instant had my fingers in the slit; up knocked my doodle. She shut the +shutter, locked the door, and with a pleased look got on to the bed. Her +cunt struck me as quite a novelty, and I got ready for insertion. + +"You like her better than me," said she. It was a poser, but a man +always likes the woman he is going to poke better than any other, and so +I denied it. "Why don't you do to me what you do to she then?" "What +is that?" "You knows." "No." "Yes you do." "I feel it like this." "More +than that." "What?" "You know." "I don't, tell me." There was a pause. +It came into my head that she knew I had licked Martha's quim, and it +had such an effect on me, that down went my doodle, and I was almost +ashamed to look at her; for as said, until I licked Martha, I had never +done such an act, and did it with a sort of belief that I was a great +beast, and should have said so of any man who did anything of the sort. +Indeed after spending in her mouth, I had felt so very much disgusted +with myself, that I left off the licking altogether, and had made the +girl promise she would never tell her sister, nor refer to the matter +again. So I was silent, standing with one hand on her belly just above +her split, and in an uncomfortable state of mind. + +She broke the silence. "Do it as you do it to she." "I don't know what +you mean," I again stammered. "Yes yer do now." "What has Martha told +you?" "Nothing, but I knows." And finding I was about to get on the bed, +"Naw, naw, kiss it." So I put my mouth down on to the hair and gave a +loud kiss. "Naw," said she, "do it as you do it to she, I am a finer +woman than she by long chalks; what is't yer sees to take to her so? you +knows you tickles her with yer tongue." The murder was out. I wanted to +mount her, she baulked me, and kept repeating in a jockular, playful, +manner her request. So I got her to the side of the bed, her large +thighs wide open, and legs hanging down in a favorable position, +intending to please her; she gave her cunt a dry rub with her chemise. + +I began with dislike, but there was something in the novelty which +warmed me. What a difference between her and her sister. I could lick +the younger one's all but hairless orifice with comfort, and she always +laid quiet; but I had to pull open this one's sausage lips and hold back +the dark thick fringe, which got into my eyes and tickled my nose. No +sooner had my tongue touched her clitoris, than the lips closed round my +mouth, and as my saliva worked up on to the cunt-hair by her movement, +it wetted my nose and face, she heaved and bounced her arse so much. +Then her thighs closed round my head tightly enough to squeeze it off, +she buried her hands in the hair of my head, and up went cunt again, +bringing my nose into the hole, then with a jerk she got her cunt away +from me. I was not at all sorry to desist. + +"Oh! do it natural,--do it natural," said she, and her thighs opened and +hung down, showing a slobbered cunt. I went into her just as she lay at +the side of the bed, and in a minute her cunt was wetter than ever. + +I have no doubt that the wench spent almost directly I licked her, but +I did not know it. When I asked her if she liked it, she said, "The +old fashioned way be the best, but I have done the same as she." I +questioned her, but never knew whether her sister had told her or not, +or whether she had peeped and seen us together at it. + +I made her promise she would never tell her sister what I had done. She +hoped I would see her again, but having promised Martha that I would not +have Sarah again, told her so. She said she was tired of watching for +us. The sisters were often quarrelling, and I believe out of jealousy +about me, yet I fucked her again. + +I may mention about the risks I ran, that I was once with Martha on the +bed, when I heard my cousin's voice asking Sarah who was at the door, if +she had seen me pass. + +I could not get the younger readily enough, had been long from home, and +was about returning. I had spent all my money, and told Sarah one day +after I had poked her, that I was going away. Her sister was then at the +mill. Said she, "What will Martha do?" I supposed she would get another +sweetheart. She shook her head, "Martha be poisoned." "What?" "Don't +be afraid," said she, "she be in the family way, we call it poisoned in +these parts, when a girl be'nt married." It was true. The girl had only +menstruated once or twice before I first had her, and now her courses +had stopped. There was no attempt at making a market of me, all needed +was to get her right again. The elder took Martha to a fortune-teller, +and she got better of her difficulty. I borrowed money of my aunt +and giving Martha all I could, went back to London. She left the +neighbourhood. + +I saw Martha two years afterwards, when visiting again my aunt; she was +in house-hold service, and was out for the day. I waylaid her, hoping +to have her again; we kissed and fondled, and with difficulty I felt her +quim, but could not accomplish my wishes; she was going to be married, +and soon after I heard that she was. + +Sarah also was going to be married to a farm labourer, and when I joked +her about his finding her out, she laughed and said, "Lord, he war my +first sweetheart," from which I inferred that cousin Fred was mistaken +about taking her virginity. + +My first cunt-licking, and cock-sucking took place with Martha; I had +never before played such amatory pranks, and all came about by instinct. +For a long time I was ashamed of myself, and never breathed a word on +such subjects to anyone; I don't think I should have done so even to +Fred, but he was then away. Gradually I was learning by instinct the +whole art of love. What made me offer money to get Martha I can't say, +I don't think that I had ever heard of tempting women's virtue by money, +but I never forgot the lesson, and much improved on it as time went on. + +I now had had four women. The difficulties in the way of getting at +them, were very useful in preventing excesses; and kept me in health. It +seems surprising to me now, how little I seemed to have thought of baudy +attitudes, and lascivious varieties; for belly-to-belly poking on the +bed, was nearly all I did. I had still the modest, demure, demeanour +which deceived my mother (coupled with her ignorance of life generally) +and relations, and though very proud of my achievements, kept them much +to myself, never disclosing the names of my women, and only telling one +or two intimate friends of what I had done; who reciprocated by telling +me their achievements. Fucking had eased my prepuce. I made a practice +of pulling it backward and forward several times a day; in fact whenever +I piddled. My prick had grown bigger in the two years, which pleased me +much, but about the size of it I had a curious doubt, which will be told +of further on. + +I was though demure, quite a man in manner and looks, and with women +behaved in a way which one or two of my relatives remarked. I used to +think to myself when talking to them, "Ah! I know what sort of opening +you have at the bottom of your belly." The cousins whose cunts I had had +a partial glimpse of, I used to like to dance with, wondering how much +the hair had grown on them. I used also to think about my sister's +cunt that I had seen when in the cradle, but just then she died. My +experience indeed much increased the charm of female society to me. + +Chance had given me two virgins out of four women, that was a luxury +unthought of, uncared for, and in no way appreciated; the virgins were +no more liked by me than the others. + +Cousin Fred will appear at less frequent intervals, he was away +sometimes for months, then for years, but he is named whenever he played +an important part in my adventures,--he was participator in others which +will never be written about here. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + Fanny Hill.--Masturbation.--Friend Henry.--Under street- + gratings at the gunmaker's.--A frigging match.--Sights from + below.--In a back street.--A prick in petticoats.-- + Evacuations.--Ladies scared. + +I went back to London, and resumed my preparations. Penniless, I tried +to get money from my mother, but could not. I tried to feel our ugly +housemaid, who threatened to tell. Just then a friend lent me _Fanny +Hill_, how well I recollect that day, it was a sunshiny afternoon, +I devoured the book and its luscious pictures, and although I never +contemplated masturbation, lost all command of myself, frigged, and +spent over a picture as it lay before me. I did not know how to clean +the book and the table-cover. + +Fascinated although annoyed with myself, I repeated the act till not a +drop of sperm would come; and the skin of my prick was sore. The next +day I had a splitting headache but read at intervals, and again frigged; +and did this for a week, till my eyes were all but dropping into my +head. In a fever and worn out; the doctor said I was growing too fast, +and ordered strong nourishment; but I used to take the infernal book +with me to bed, and lay reading it, twiddling my prick, and fearing to +consummate, knowing the state I was in. It was indeed almost impossible +to do it, and when emission came, it was accompanied by a fearful aching +in my testicles. + +My friend had his book back, my erotic excitement ceased, I grew +stronger, felt ashamed of myself, and soon found a new excitement. + +I had a friend who like me was intended for the Army, his father was a +gun manufacturer. The eldest son died, and the old man saying that five +thousand a year should not be lost to the family, made his other son--my +friend--go into the business. He resisted, but had no alternative but +to consent. Their dwelling-house was just by ours, but the old man now +insisted on his son residing largely at the manufactory where he invited +me to stay at times with him, which I did. + +Several houses adjoining belonged to the old man, at the East-End of +London, where the manufactory was. Some faced an important thoroughfare, +the rest faced two other streets, and at the back, a place with out a +thoroughfare, on one side of which was the manufactory and workmen's +entrance; on the other side stables. The whole property formed a large +block. + +The house faced the better street, the family had for forty years lived +in it before they became rich, and it was replete with comfort. The old +man had since lived there principally, for his love was in his business, +and he had made all arrangements for his convenience. He had a private +staircase leading from a sitting-room into the manufactory, and could go +into the warehouse, or the back street, or out of the front door of the +house unnoticed. The people employed, never knew when to expect him. He +was a regular Tartar, but for all that a kind-hearted man. + +There now lived in the house an old servant with her sister, who had +been many years in the family. One was married to a foreman in whom his +master had much confidence; these three were in fact in charge of the +premises, although nominally the keyes were given up to my friend whom +we will call Henry. The old man wished his son to be happy, allowed +friends to visit him, there was good wine, put out by the old man in +small quantities from time to time, good food, good attendance, and all +to make things comfortable; but the old man resolutely forbade his son +to be out later than eleven o'clock, and kept him as my mother kept me, +almost without money. I expect that the old servants were told to keep +an eye on the doings of Henry. + +The basement was used as store-room for muskets, put into wooden boxes +which stood in long rows upon each other like coffins. It was a large +place and originally only went under the factory, but the old gentleman +gradually as he acquired the adjacent houses, let them, but retained +most of the basements, so that his stores ran not only under the +premises he occupied, but largely under half a dozen other houses of +which he only let the shops and upper portions. On four sides this large +basement had glimpses of light let into it, by gratings in the footways +of the streets. + +At one end and on the principal street was a row of windows, beneath +what was then a first class linen-draper's shop--first class I mean for +the East-End--a large place for those days, and always full. Women used +to stand by dozens at a time, looking into the shop windows which were +of large plate-glass--a great novelty in those days--people waiting for +omnibusses used also to stand up against the shop. + +Henry and I were old school friends, I had seen and felt his cock, he +mine; I had not been with him an hour before he said, "When the workmen +go to dinner, I will show you more legs than your ever saw in your +life." "Girls?" said I. "Yes, I saw up above the garters of a couple +of dozen yesterday in an hour." "Could you see their cunts?" "I did not +quite, but nearly of one," said he. I thought he was bragging, and was +glad when twelve o'clock came. + +At that hour down we went, through the basement stored with muskets; +it seemed dark as we entered, but soon we saw streams of light coming +through the windows at the end; they had not been cleaned for years. We +rubbed the glass and looked up. Above us was a flock of women's legs +of all sizes and shapes flashing before us, thick and thin in wonderful +variety. We could see them by looking up, it being bright above; but +dark and dusty below, they could not by looking down see us, through the +half cleaned windows; or notice round clean spots on the glass, through +which two pairs of young eyes almost devoured the limbs of those who +stood over them. + +As our only way lay through the work-shop and we did not wish it known +that we were there (there was no business done there, unless arms were +being stored or taken out), we went back before the workmen returned +from their meals; but for several days did we go into the place, +gloating over such of the women's charms as we could discern; legs we +saw by the hundreds, garters and parts of the thighs we saw by scores: +quite enough to make young blood randy to madness, but the shadowy mass +between the thighs we could not get a glimpse of. + +"There are vaults," said I, "if there, we could see right up, and be +at the back of the women." We tried unused keys to find one to open +the door, and at length to our intense delight it unclosed. We stepped +across the little open space under the gratings into the empty vaults, +and there arranging to take our turns of looking up at the most likely +spots, we put out our heads and took our fill at gazing. We were right +under the women, who as they looked into the shop windows, jutting out +their bums in stooping, tilted their petticoats exactly over our heads. +If there was no carriage passing, we could at times hear what they said, +but that was rarely the case. + +In those days even ladies wore no drawers. Their dresses rarely came +below their ankles, they wore bustles, and standing over a grating, +anyone below them, saw much more, and more easily, than they can in +these days of draggling dresses, and cunt swabbing breeches, which +the commonest girl wears round her rump. For all that, so close to the +thighs, do chemise and petticoats cling, that it was difficult to see +the hairy slits, which it was our great desire to look at. Garters and +thighs well above the knees, we saw by scores. Every now and then either +by reason of scanty clothing, or short dresses, or by a woman's stooping +and opening her legs to look more easily low down at the window, we had +a glimpse of the cunt; and great was our randiness and delight when we +did. On the whole we were well rewarded. Many as the legs and thighs +are, that I have since seen, I doubt whether I have seen so many pairs +of legs half-way up the thighs, and all but to the split, as I saw in +the times we stood under that big linendraper's shop window. Old and +young, thin and fat, dirty and clean, ragged and neat, there was every +possible variety and number of legs and their coverings. + +There were two states of the weather which favoured us: if muddy, women +lifted their clothes up high. Having no modern squeamishness, all they +cared about was to prevent them getting muddy; and then with the common +classes, we got many a glimpse of the split. But a brilliant day was the +best. Then the reflected light being strong, we could see higher up if +the lady was in a favourable position. We could see if they had clouts +round their cunts, and had some strange sights of which I will only tell +one or two. One day, quite at the end of the gratings, two women, + +neat, clean, plump, and of the poorer classes (for we could soon tell +the poorer classes from their legs and under-clothings), stood close +together. It was my five minutes. Henry was at my back. They had been +standing talking, close together, not seeming to be looking at the shop, +in fact they were at the spot where the shop window finished. One put +her leg up against a ledge, keeping the other on the grating; it was +a bright day, and I saw the dark hair of her cunt as plainly as if she +were standing to show it me. The next minute she gathered up her clothes +a little high, and squatted down on her heels as if to piddle, her bum +came down within four or five inches of the grating, and I saw through +the bars, her cunt open just as a woman does when she pisses. I thought +she was going to do so, when a plantive cry explained it all; she had +a baby, and all the movements were to enable her to do something to +it conveniently. At the same time her companion dropped on one knee, +pulling her clothes a little up, and arranging them so as to prevent +soiling them, she put the other leg out in front, and sat back on +the heel of the kneeling leg. Then was another split, younger and +lighter-haired, partly visible from below, but not so plainly as the +dark-haired one; and they did something in that position for five +minutes to the squalling child. + +I lost all prudence, whispered to Henry; and together we stood looking, +till they moved away. "My prick will burst," said I. "So will mine," +said he. The next instant both our pricks were out, and looking up +at the legs, stood we two young men, frigging till two jets of spunk +spurted across the area. It would have been a fine sight for the women +had they looked down, but women rarely did. They stood over the gratings +usually with the greatest unconcern, looking at the shop windows, or +only glanced below for an instant, at the dark, uninhabitated looking +area. + +This was the beginning of a new state of things. We got reckless; Henry +had business to attend to, I none, I ceased to think about what might be +said of our being so much in the store-house; and used to go by myself, +and stay there two or three hours at a time. Then I gave way to erotic +excesses. My prick would stand as I went down the stairs. I used to wait +prick in hand, playing with it, looking up and longing for a poke +until I saw a pair of thighs plainly, then able to stand it no longer, +frigged; hating myself even whilst I did it, and longing to put my spunk +in the right place. I used to catch it in one hand, whilst I frigged +with the other, then fling the spunk up towards the girls' legs. It was +madness; for although the feet of the women were not three feet above my +head, yet the smallness of the quantity thrown (after what stuck to my +fingers), and the iron bars above, seemed to make it impossible that any +of it should reach its intended destination; but I think it did one day. +A youngish female was stooping, and showing part of her thighs. I flung +up what I had just discharged; suddenly her legs closed, she stepped +quickly aside, looked down and went away. I am still under the +impression that a drop of my sperm, must have hit her naked legs. + +We both also grew more lascivious, having frigged before each other, we +took to frigging each other. I went to my home, on going back, found +he had taken other young men to see the legs. One night five of us had +dinner, we smoked and drank, our talk grew baudier; we had mostly been +schoolfellows, and dare say we had all seen each other's doodles, but I +cannot assert that positively. We finished by showing them to each other +now, betting on their length and size, and finished up by a frigging +sweep-stakes for him who spent first. + +At a signal, five young men (none I am sure nineteen years old) seated +on chairs in the middle of the room began frigging themselves, amidst +noise and laughter. The noise soon subsided, the voices grew quiet, then +ceased, and was succeeded by convulsive breathing sighs and long-drawn +breaths, the legs of some writhed, and stretched out, their backsides +wriggled on the chairs, one suddenly stood up. Five hands were frigging +as fast as they could, the prick-knobs standing out of a bright +vermillion tint looking as if they must burst away from the hands which +held them. Suddenly one cried "f-fi-fir-first," as some drops of gruelly +fluid flew across the room, and the frigger sunk back in the chair. At +the same instant almost the other jets spurted, and all five men were +directly sitting down, some with eyes closed, others with eyes wide +open, all quiet and palpitating, gently frigging, squeezing, and +tittillating their pricks until pleasure had ceased. + +Afterwards we were quiet, then came more grog, more allusion to the legs +of women, their cunts and pleasures, more baudiness, more showing of +pricks and ballocks, another sweep-stakes, another frigging match, and +then we separated. + +I do not think that excepting to Henry, that baudy evening ever was +referred to by me. + +I got up I recollect next day ashamed of myself, and felt worse, when he +remarked, "What beasts we made ourselves last night." What changes since +then. Two of the five found graves in the Crimea, the third is dead +also; Henry and I alone alive. He with a big family, with sons nearly as +old as he was at the time of the frigging matches. I wonder if he ever +thinks of them, wonder if he ever has told his wife. + +I spent much time now in this leg inspection and frigging myself, till +I could scarcely get semen out of me. I hated myself for it, yet went on +doing it, when luckily I lost the exciting sights. Some women happened +to look down and saw us. A man without a hat came several times and +looked down the gratings. Henry's father came to the manufactory, as +he often did, went into the stores, asked who had opened the area-door, +locked it up, had a new lock put on, and forbad anyone to go into the +stores excepting to get out the guns, and so we lost our game. We never +asked a question, nor made a remark on the matter; and came to the +conclusion, that some one had complained to the linendraper that persons +were looking up the women's legs, and that he had written to Henry's +father on the matter. + +I went home used up, and in a state of indescribable disgust with +myself, entirely ceased masturbation, and in a month went again to visit +my friend,--he had found out another grating. + +The back of the manufactory as said was in a _cul-de-sac_. There were +but the manufactory and stables in it. The workmen entered that side. +There were gratings, and coal-vaults beneath the street similar to those +beneath the linendraper's shop. Workmen's wives bringing their husbands' +dinners, used to stand and sometimes sit down over the gratings, but +their legs when seen were rarely worth the seeing; it was usually but a +sight of dingy petticoats, and dirty stockings. We were however content +to look up at them, for they belonged to women, but soon tired of doing +so. + +One night (we had never been there at night before), for some reason +or the other which I don't recollect we went down and found two women +pissing down the grating, then a man and woman together, and discovered +it to be the pissing-place of the gay women, in the main thoroughfare; +and where if the nights were dark, couples used to come for a grope, a +frig, or even for a fuck at times. The pissing often took place over a +grating, we could hear, and feel, but not see. + +Then we got a common dark lantern, had the top shade taken of, and a +funnel, or short chimney put with a slide, so that when we pushed the +slide off, the light shot up through the chimney, and throw a strong +light on a circle about one foot across. With this we went down waiting +till we heard some one above, then opened the light and saw what was to +be seen. Sometimes we waited for hours without seeing anything, but it +is astonishing what cute-loving, baudy young men will go through for the +sake of seeing a woman's privates. At other times we saw a good deal. If +it were a light night, we saw nothing. No one knew we went down at those +hours, the workmen had gone, and the private staircase from the dwelling +house at any time let us into the factory; from the factory we could go +anywhere on the premises. + +When we heard feet, or a rustle of petticoats over the grating, taking +up the light we sometimes saw a white hum, a split gaping like a dog +with its throat cut, and a stream of water splashing from it. We never +used to move, but sooner than not see it all and as well as possible, +let the stream come over us. Sometimes two women came together; +sometimes we could hear to our mortification that they were pissing on +the pavement close by, without coming over the grating. We could often +hear their conversation. Now and then a woman shit down the grating, +we used to watch the turds squeeze out with a fart or two, with great +amusement. Once a man did the same, we saw prick, balls, and turd, all +hanging down together, we could not help laughing, and off he shuffled +as if he had been shot. He must have heard us. + +There was one woman whose face we never saw, but who came and pissed +over a grating so regularly every evening, and sometimes twice; that we +knew her arse perfectly. We lost sight of her and used to wonder if she +had found us out, for she finished one night with such a loud fart, that +we laughed out,--and she must have heard us. + +One night half a dozen ladies came, we knew they were ladies by their +manner and conversation, which we could hear perfectly, there being no +carriage traffic in the street. "Can anyone see?" said one. "No," said +another, "make haste." We heard the usual leafy rustle, and immediately +a tremendous stream was heard; then two more sat down close together. +I turned on the light at all risks, there were two pretty white little +bums above us, with the gaping cunts, they were of quite young girls, +without a hair on them; the women then were scared I suppose, for they +moved. One said, "Make haste, don't be foolish, nobody is coming." A +rustle again, off went the slide, up went the light; what a big round +bum, what a great black-haired open cunt did we see, and a stream of +water as if from a fire-engine. "Oh! there is a light down there," said +one. Up went the bum, piss still straining down, down went the clothes, +and all were off like lightening. + +Another night we heard two pairs of feet above us, one was the heavy +footstep of a man. "Don't be foolish, he won't know," said a man in a +very low tone. "Oh I no,--no, I dare not," said a female voice, and the +feet with a little rustling moved to another grating. Henry and I moved +on also. "You shall, no one comes here, no one can see us," said the +man in a still lower tone. "Oh! I am so frightened," said the female. A +little gentle scuffling now took place, and then all seemed quiet but a +slight movement of the feet. "Are they there?" whispered Henry from +the vault. I nudged him to quiet, and putting the light as high up as I +could, pushed aside the slide a little only. + +We were well rewarded. Just above our heads were two pairs of feet, one +pair wide apart; and hanging only partly at her back the garments of +a female; in front the trousers of a man with the knees projecting +slightly forward between the female's legs, and higher up a bag of balls +were hanging down hiding nearly the belly and channel, which the prick +was taking. The distended legs between which the balls moved, enabled us +however to get a glimpse of the arse-hole and of a cunt. The movement of +the ballocks showed the vigor with which the man was fucking, but there +must have been some inequality in height; and either he was very tall, +or she very short; for his knees and feet moved out at times into +different positions. He then ceased for an instant his shoving, as if +to arrange himself in a fresh and more convenient posture, and then the +lunges recommenced. He must have had his hands on her naked rump, from +the way her clothes hung, showing her legs up to her belly, or to where +his breeches hid it, or where the clothes fell down which were over his +arm. + +Once I imagine, the lady's clothes were in his way, for there was a +pause, his prick came quite out, her feet moved, her legs opened wider. +He did not need his fingers to find his mark again, his long, stiff, +red-tipped article had slidden in the direction of her bum-hole; but +no sooner had they readjusted their legs, then it moved backwards, +and again it was hidden from sight in her cunt. The balls wagged more +vigorously than ever, quicker, quicker; the lady's legs seemed to shake, +we heard a sort of mixed cry, like a short groan and cry together, and +a female voice say, "Oh! don't make such a noise," then a quiver and a +shiver of the legs, and all seemed quiet. + +When I first had removed the slide, I did so in a small degree, fearing +they might look below and see it; but if the sun had shone from below, +I believe now they must have been in that state of excitement, that they +would not have noticed it. To see better I opened the slide more, and +gradually held the lantern higher and higher, until the chimney through +which the light issued was near to the grating. I was holding it by the +bottom at arms length; and naturally, so as to best see myself. Henry +could not see as well, although standing close to me, and our heads +nearly touching. "Hold it more this way," said he in an excited whisper. +I did not. Just then the lady said, "Oh! make haste now, I am so +frightened." Out slipped the prick,--I saw it. At that very instant, +Henry pulled my hand, to get the lantern placed so as to enable him to +see better. I was holding it between the very tips of my fingers, just +below the feet of the copulating couple. His jerk pulled it over, and +down it went with a smash, just as the lady said, "Make haste, I am so +frightened." A huge prick as it seemed to me drew out, and flopped down, +a hand grasped it, the petticoats were falling round the legs, when the +crash of the lantern came. With a loud shriek from the lady, off the +couple moved, and I dare say it was many a day before she had her +privates moistened up against a wall again, and over a grating. + +Henry and I laughing picked up the lantern and got back to the house; +I went to my bed-room in a state of indescribable randiness. I had for +some time broken myself of frigging, and now resisted the desire, tried +to read but could not, undressed and went to bed. My prick would stand. +If it went down for a minute and my thoughts were diverted, the very +instant my mind recurred to those balls wagging above my head, up it +went again. I tried to piss, the piss would not run. At that time when +my prick was stiff, I used to pull the prepuce back, so as to loosen it. +I laid down on the bed, prick stiff. If it could have spoken, it would +have said, "Frig or fuck, you shall, before I give you rest." So I +pulled the prepuce slowly back,--only once,--and as the knob came +handsomely into view, out shot my spunk all over the bed-clothes. + +Getting up to wipe and make things clean, I saw something on the brim +of my cap which I had worn; the cap was on the table. I took it up and +found a large spot of sperm which had come from the happy couple, it +must have followed the withdrawal of the prick; and had my head been a +little more turned up, it must have tumbled on my face. I did not mind +wiping up my own sperm, but doing so to their's seemed beastly. Yet what +was the difference? + +We heard one night some one squat down, and turned up the light; there +were petticoats, legs and an arse, but instead of the usual slit, we saw +to our astonishment a prick and balls hanging down between the legs, it +was a man in woman's clothes, and he was shitting. The sight alarmed us, +we talked over it for many a day afterwards, for we did not then know +that some men are fond of amusing themselves with other men. + +I never saw but that one couple fucking, but we could hear groping and +frigging going on close by. We heard women say, "Oh! don't!" Gay women, +we heard say, "Here is a good place," but they did not often select the +gratings, why? I cannot tell, for they were partly in recesses in the +wall which enabled people to get more hidden. The bars were wide apart, +and I suppose the regulars did not like that, yet they often used the +gratings for pissing down. + +These sights did no occur all at once, I went home, stopped, returned, +and so on; in the meanwhile not having women, I then frigged, left off, +then took to it again, and so time went on. Fewer women came at last up +the street, we imagined that with all our care, they had found out that +people were beneath the gratings, and avoided them. The favorite place +was the recess at the workmen's door to the factory at which were two +steps; we could hear but not see when a couple was there, we used then +to go up into the factory and listen at the door. Generally, feeling and +frigging was only going on, bargaining for money first. "Give me another +shilling. Oh! your nails hurt. What a lot of hair you have. What a big +one! Oh! I am coming! Don't spend over my clothes," and so on, we heard +at times. + +Meanwhile there was either no servant at my home worthy of a stiff one, +or those who would not take one; and I had no alternative but to frig. +Money my mother again kept from me. What I got, I sent to the poor girl +Martha, who then had not got rid of her big belly; gay women I had +fear of; devoured by desire to get into a woman again, I even looked +longingly at the wife of the foreman who took charge of the house in +which Henry lived, although she was fifty. I recollect seeing her making +my bed one morning, and getting a cock-stand at the sight of the woman +so near a place to lay down on. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + Mrs. Smith.--A brutal husband.--My second adultery.--A + chaste servant.--Road harlots.--A poke in the open.--Use for + a silk handkerchief.--A shilling a tail.--Clapped. + +Henry had now much business to attend to, I had none. I used to wander +into the back street just as the men's wives brought them their dinners, +so as to look at them. They were not allowed inside, but if the men +chose to eat inside they could do so, their wives waiting outside. Six +or eight men had their dinners brought, the rest went away. The women +most frequently sat on a door-step, or loitered over the gratings up +which we used to look at night; or squatted down against the wall. I had +once or twice looked up their clothes, but found little inviting, with +the exception of a plump little pair of legs which belonged to a Mrs. +Smith. She looked about twenty-six years of age, her husband twenty +years older, a good workman but a brutal fellow. He bore a bad character +among his fellows, and was thought a brute to his wife. Some said +his wife drank; there was often a row in the street between them at +dinner-time, he used to sit on the door-step and eat his dinner outside, +she standing near him, and her legs came at times over a grating. I used +to dodge downstairs at times at the workmen's dinner-hour, and have a +look up, and that is how I saw, and began to think of the legs of Mrs. +Smith. + +I took a sort of fancy to her, or rather her legs, so plump and clean. +I saw she had a nice clean face with bright brown eyes, and then had +a desire to fuck her. I again had desisted from frigging, had sworn +to myself not to do so again, and now getting strength wanted a woman +badly. Our eyes had often met, I had even got out of her way when +passing her, a courtesy not often then shown by gentlemen to workpeople. +I used to stare at her so, that she began to look confused when I did. +The husband never seemed to notice anything but his dinner, at which he +usually swore. Sometimes I spoke to him about gun-making. I wanted to +poke Mrs. Smith, but there did not seem to be the remotest chance, nor +had I any intention of attempting it, but used to look at her with +my cock standing, and wondering what sort of cunt she had. I had been +brought up religiously, and the idea of having a married woman seemed +shocking. I was shocked when I found that Mary was married. At length I +nodded, smiled, and established a sort of intimacy in that way without +speaking, managing to meet her as it were, quite casually when going to, +or leaving the workshop. + +One day the man dined on the step, his wife standing by his side; down I +went to peep up her clothes and heard him rowing. "Why the hell had +she not got him beef instead of mutton; God damn her, why were there +no potatoes!" That was his style. Angry words passed, the voices grew +louder, I heard a loud smack and a strong oath, he had hit his wife and +gone back into the work-shop. + +There was a great gabbling of female voices over the grating round Mrs. +Smith. "I would not stand it," said one. "It is a shame," said another. +"He ought to be proud of such a wife, an old beast," said another. The +husband came out again. "I have done my best," said she, "you are not a +man anyhow, or anywhere, for two pins I would run away from you." A loud +oath, and another smack followed. + +I heard Mrs. Smith sobbing. "I have had a little drink," said she, "I +told him so. He makes me so unhappy, I must; but I spend scarce a trifle +and it's what I earns myself. Ain't I clean? don't I bring him good +meals?" "You do, you do," said they. "It's a shame," she went on, "he is +not a man, not in bed, not anywhere, not anyhow, I don't aggravate him, +I put up with everything, it's full six months since he's been a husband +to me, although we sleeps in the same bed," she added in a significant +way, "yes, six months full." "Lor," said half a dozen voices together, +then said one, "Don't he do anything to you then?" Things quieted, off +went Mrs. Smith with some of the women, two remained waiting for their +husbands' platters, they squatted down on the step. + +"They're a miserable couple," said one. "Yes, and likely, he is never at +home, no wonder she do take a drop of comfort." "No, it ain't." "She is +a nice little woman, and no man gets his meals nicer." "No, that they +don't." "He's too old for her, but he ain't jealous." "No, in course +not." "Why he ain't done it to her for six months," said one. They both +chuckled then. "Why, my old man don't forget me like that, and he is ten +years older than Smith," said the other. "Ah!" said the first, "he's a +bad 'up altogether, men be a bad lot, the best on 'em." The time-bell +rang, their husbands brought out their dinner-cans, and off the women +went. + +I can scarcely tell what followed exactly or how it came about, for even +now to me it seems astonishing. I was but between eighteen and nineteen, +and had not had the remotest idea of getting Mrs. Smith, though I longed +for her lewedly when my cock stood. I was timid with women until I knew +them well, I could never begin with our own servants until they had +been in the house a few days; yet directly I heard this conversation, a +chance seemed in my way, and without meaning it I followed it up. + +With but little idea of married life or habits, I saw that not only were +they a wretched couple, but that for months Smith had never touched his +wife. I imagined then that married people were always doing it, that +women were randier than men,--a common belief of young people. I +thought: how she must want a poke! how she would enjoy it! Out I went +to see if Mrs. Smith was about, and saw her walking off with a group of +sympathizers, who dropped off gradually, until she was left with one, +with whom she went into a public-house. In a few minutes they came out +and parted. On she went alone, and went into another public-house, and +then wiping her eyes as she came out, went her way alone; I after her, +lewed and thinking to myself, "she has not had it for six months," and +so on. She went into a public-house now by herself. I waited till she +came out, and saw she had been taking to many drops of comfort. + +Without any definite intention as far as I can remember, but simply for +lewed gratification, I went up to, and addressed her. She recognized me +and stood stock still. She had a small bottle of what I found afterwards +to be gin in her hand, which she put into her husband's dinner can. I +told her I was sorry for her, having heard the row and all she had said. +The reference to her wrongs roused her, and she said vehemently, "He is +not a man anyhow or anywhere," and then was silent. I did not know what +to say more, and walked on by her side. After a time she said, "Why are +you walking with me sir?" The only reply I made was that I liked it, +and was sorry she had such a bad husband. She said she would rather be +alone, but I walked on with her she carrying the little tin can with a +cover. I not knowing what to do, offered to carry it for her, but she +would not let me. + +Then she remarked, "You are very good, but don't come any further, +it won't look well for a poor woman to be walking with a gentleman; +neighbors make mischief, and God knows, I have enough to bear already." +My boldness having quite left me, I shook hands with her, which seemed +to astonish her, and off she went. I followed her at a distance, to her +house, which was one of a row of small cottages fronting a ditch, and +a field, on which carpets were beaten, and boys played, a scrubby poor +place as you may be sure. + +I turned back hesitating. One moment wondering at my boldness, and +wickedness in thinking of a married woman; the next, thinking I was a +fool for not having asked her to let me; when I saw in the path, the top +of the tin can she had been carrying. Here was a chance. I walked about +for half an hour before I mustered up courage to go to the house. She +opened her eyes wide when she saw me. "What do you want?" "Here is the +top of the dinner-can," said I innocently. "Oh!" said she, "I am so +glad, he would have hit me if I had lost it." As she took it I entered +and closed the door. + +She had finished the gin, for the empty bottle was on the table. She may +have been more than fuddled, I cannot say; for I was so excited that I +recollect only the most prominent circumstances. I was in a funk, but +my cock was stiff, and that overcame all scruples. The house had but two +rooms: a kitchen I was standing in, the street-door opened on to it. +An open door showed a neat bed in a clean white-washed bed-room. How I +began I know not, but recollect telling what I had heard, and that +for months he had not been a husband to her. That set her off talking +wildly, and she said it all over again. She was sure he was spending his +money on some dolly, hoped she might catch her, then cried, wiped her +eyes and said, "Well, that is no business of yours, I am a fool for +talking to a young gentleman like you, I don't know what you are doing +here." + +"Let me do it to you," said I, "I have seen up your clothes, let +me,--you are so nice, and I want you so badly; why should you not, he +is no husband to you, and you such a nice woman." That was my artless +beginning, or something like it. Fright at my impudence was struggling +against my cock-stand. For a second she seemed speechless, then replied, +"Well sir, you ought to be ashamed,--a married woman like me." "He is no +husband to you, he never does it to you, you know,--I heard you tell the +women so; they laughed, and said he had some hussy whom he did it to." +"That's no business of yours, but he is a bad one," and she began crying +again. "Now go sir go,--if he came home, he would murder me, if he found +you here." + +I don't know how the next came off, but I know I was kissing her, that I +got my hand up her clothes, on to her cunt, that I pulled out my prick, +that the struggling ceased, that I edged her to the bed-room, and that +up against the bed she made a stand. "Oh! my God sir, I am a married +woman, pray don't." Paying no heed, I got her clothes up and as she +stood, was bending and trying to get my cock up her; but she was little, +and I could not; it shoved up against her navel, and motte. That I +suppose stirring her lust, overcame her, for she got on the bed, I got +on her, and up her in a second. + +I was in a bursting state of randiness, and she must have been the same. +I was ready to spend, she readier; for I had no sooner entered her than +her breath shortened, she clasped me tight, quivered and wriggled, and +we both spent. I lay up her, cock ready for further work. Up to that +time I had not properly felt her, nor seen her body. I began fumbling +about, put my hand down feeling cautiously round the stem of my cock and +my ballocks. All was wet, I slid my finger below her cunt (feeling even +near to an arse-hole was then beyond me), there it felt wetter; that +stimulated me, and on I went grinding. She lay with her eyes closed +without speaking. Soon we both went again, I had fucked her twice +without uncunting. + +The quiet dreamy enjoyment had barely began, when she pushed me off +and sat up saying, "What have I done? what have I done? I am a married +woman!" Then comes tears, then a kiss from me, then talk, then tears, +and at intervals she told me a story of a bad, brutal, morose husband, +who had not fucked her for months. Half frightened, half hysterical, it +seemed as much pleasure to her to tell me her misery, as it had been to +have me doing her husband's work. We moved off the bed. "Oh! my God," +said she, "look at the bed." I saw one wet patch as large as a tea-cup, +and another as large as a crown at the spot where her bum had laid on +the counterpaine. "What shall I do?" "Wash it." "But I have no other." +It was a bore no doubt. I left without being able to get permission to +see her again, but only tears, and an expression of her conviction that +she was a wicked woman. + +Although she had not asked me not to tell anyone, which women so often +do who commit these little slips, I did not mention it to Henry. For +three or four days afterwards she did not come to the factory. I went to +her cottage. She was out. At length at the dinner-hour I met her face to +face by the factory. She looked ready to drop. An hour afterwards seeing +her burly husband at work, off to her house I went, and gave a single +knock. She opened the door, nearly fell back with surprise, and before +she could recover herself I was indoors. I had an altercation, a +refusal, almost a fight, but I conquered. Again she was fucked on the +bed, and now for the first time I had a look at her charms, her cunt +unwashed. + +She was a plump little woman, dark-haired on head and tail, her quim was +neither large or small, her thighs round and white, she was an ordinary +person, neither handsome nor plain, and my curiosity was soon satisfied. +She kept exclaiming, "Oh! if he should come home!" I fell to work again +with vigor, and soon again spent. As I got off I observed under her bum +again a large wet place, but now on her chemise. "What a lot of spending +you have done," said I. "I can't help it," said she. My experience was +small, but I knew that from no other woman whom I had stroked, had such +an effusion taken place. Before I had spent I had felt her wetness on my +fingers. I had her on another occasion, and the same thing occurred. I +notice this because I only recollect meeting one other such case since; +Mrs. Smith, like the other to whom I refer, used after a few pushes up +her to squeeze her cunt, shiver, and discharge quite copiously, to +be followed with a second pleasure and discharge when I spent. I only +reflected on Mrs. Smith's peculiarity some years afterwards. + +In about a week I had her again at her cottage. Then she said if I came +any more she would have trouble, for neighbors had already remarked a +gentlemen at the house. I disregarded this, went and knocked. She opened +the door cautiously with the chain up, and seeing me, shut it in my +face. I was then about going to my own home, and feared I should not +have her again, but found out that the husband spent his evenings at a +tavern (I had a strange pleasure in looking at him after I had had his +wife), that he was to be at some workman's carousal, watched him to the +public-house, then ran to his cottage, gave a single loud knock at the +door, which was this time opened unsuspiciously, and in I pushed before +she could scarcely see who it was. + +I had difficulty in persuading her to let me, she was more timid than +ever, but promised that I would never come again. + +Then she got on to the bed. The crisis was just over when we heard a +knock. With a shriek she pushed me off and got up. "He will murder me, +he will murder me," said she. I stood blank with bewilderment, relieved +by another knock and a voice crying "beer." She fell on the floor +fainting, and so alarmed me, that I nearly called in the neighbours. I +put a pillow under her head. I don't know what induced me, for not three +minutes before I was frightened out of my life, but as she laid there +close by the fire (at the knock we had rushed into the kitchen), I +pulled up her clothes. The flickering of the fire showed her thighs +and cunt in a strange light to me. As I pulled her legs asunder, I felt +ashamed, but lust was strong. I looked at the cunt, the novelty of an +insensible woman on the floor excited me, the next instant in spite of +her, for she recovered just as I laid on her, my prick was up her, and +my knuckles on the hard bit of dingy carpet, and as I grasped her bum, +it seemed that my poke was most delicious. So much for novelty and +imagination. I left immediately afterwards. + +Then I went home to my mother. In about three weeks, went to see Henry, +again as I said, but really to get to Mrs. Smith, and found her husband +had been discharged. I went off to the cottage, it was empty. They had +gone no one knew where, and he had half murdered his wife. I wondered if +it had been about me. Then my conscience upbraided me with having +committed adultery. I took to going to church more regularly, and +repeated the commandments emphatically. + +I was now approaching nineteen years, was at home doing nothing but +study, and with scarcely a farthing of money. I tried to get into one +of our servant's unsuccessfully, she was a plain lass, but had a cunt, +which was all I wanted. I began to kiss and fondle her, which she +submitted to demurely. Then by surprise one day got my hand up her +clothes, and between her cunt-lips. She loudly screamed, which luckily +was unheard, for my mother was out. Her cunt felt wet, and I found from +my fingers afterwards that she was poorly built. She rushed downstairs +crying violently, the next day gave warning and left, much to my relief. +She never I am sure told my mother, but I was in a fright until she had +left. + +I restrained myself from frigging, although sorely tempted to do so, and +luckily found cheaper and better relief. Having had but one gay woman, +and having a dread of them, neverthless, my mind involuntarily turned +to them, especially as I now defied my mother, stopped out of nights +latish, and consequently saw more of them. But I had no money. + +Between London and our suburb, there were some lengths of road bounded +by fields, and only lighted by oil-lamps. At places small houses were +being built in side-roads, which were altogether without light. Gay +women of a poor class, were then of an evening about the darkest parts, +or they used to walk where the roads were lighter. They were of that +class who go with labouring men, and were not attractive, although +cleaner and better-looking than the same class now is. + +One evening I worried an aunt out of two pounds, which I had with a +solitary shilling besides; and was returning, when a woman accosted me. +She walked by my side and talked, but I could not afford a soverign, +which was a much larger sum then than it now is, and a shilling seemed +to me a ridiculous sum, so I determined to run, for fear I should be +fool enough to let her have a soverign. "I can't," said, "good night, I +only have a shilling." "Make it two," said she. "I have not got more." +"Give it me then." I stopped in astonishment at the idea of her taking +such a trifle. "She is going to take it and go off," thought I, for +I had known such a thing, but I gave her the shilling and then stood +still. "Well, are you not going to have it?" said she, "make haste." It +was a dark night, but I saw from a white gleam that her clothes were up, +felt where the nick was, and in much agitation thrust my tool up it. + +Having a woman in the open up against a field fence, and without seeing +her cunt, or even her face, was a novelty to me. For a long time I had +been bottling up my sperm. All fear left me, and it seemed the most +delicious fuck I ever had had. In a few pushes I spent, and kept my +belly up against hers in silent delight, till I felt sperm trickling +down over my balls. Telling me to take care of my shirt she drew her bum +back. Scarcely recovered from my pleasure and still wondering how I had +such pleasure with so poor a woman, I suppose I must have said something +of the sort, for she remarked, "Why not? we are all made the same way, +and if some of us had more cheek, we might have as good clothes as the +best, but there are plenty of real gents glad enough to have us," and so +we talked for a minute. I had not felt her and now longed to do so, but +was too timid to ask her. She turned away. I had been wiping my cock +with a silk pocket-handkerchief, to prevent any sperm getting on to my +shirt. A happy idea came. "Let me feel you, and do it again and I will +give you this silk handkerchief, for I have no more money." Laughing +and saying, "I suppose it is silk," she accepted it. I think now of the +exquisite delight, with which I felt the thighs and bum of that poor +woman, who might for all I could see, have had the great, or the +small pox, or have been as ugly as the devil; but I stroked her belly, +twiddled her wet cunt-hair (she had pissed), plunged my fingers into +her wet cunt, and at length spent again in it, with more delight, than I +have had with some of the most dashing women since that time. + +After funking about pox and clap, for a few days, out I sped one evening +to try to get her again, delighted at the economical rate at which I +found it now possible to have women. But I always was liberal, and gave +her three or four shillings. Several times I had had her afterwards and +never saw her face. At length I insisted on going when I could see her. +She refused until tempted by an offer, then agreed to meet me at a +place which she named; saying, "And I will put on a clean chemise and +stockings." I met her, and found her to be about thirty-five years old, +and one of the ugliest women I ever saw. + +She was so plain that all desire left me. I looked her all over, to +which she made no objection, remarking as she pulled up her clothes, +"Ah, you may look, I am as clean as any woman although I am what I am." +I went on looking at, and fiddling her about, but no erection came. She +gave an uneasy motion with her bum and said, "Oh! you are tickling +me so, why don't you get on?" I said I did not want it yet, which so +astonished her, that she sat upright, and looked at me and at my tool. +Then she made me lay down on the poor bed, and mutual feeling soon +brought me to a proper state. "Don't you be quick or you will spoil me," +said she. Her manner was quite different from what it had been on the +high road, it was amorous. I forgot her ugliness, and fucking with all +my heart, spent when her hard breathing, tightening cunt, and clasping +arms, told me she enjoyed it also. + +Then the miserable room, and her ugliness revolted me. I moved to +get off, but she retained me, asking me to talk. Somewhat against my +inclination I did. She laid hold of my prick, pinching it. The gentle +pleasure returned, and it ended in my doing her again, as much to her +delight as mine. She said so. Instead of feeling pleased, it made +her seem to me ugly. I went away, and although I argued with myself, +especially when I only had a shilling or two, yet I never could bring +myself to have her again. When I saw her on the road, I went the other +side of the way, and soon lost sight of her. + +Finding that I had not suffered by my indiscretion, I got bolder, took +the run of the road, and must have had a dozen girls at a shilling a +tail. One night as I fumbled a girl, she frigged me vigorously. "I will +do it this way," said she, "you will like it so." But I refused. "I +will give you such pleasure," said she again, "all the gents say I do +it better than any girl." But again I refused. "I am afraid my monthlies +are just coming on," said she. But up I put it, and went home satisfied. +Two or three mornings afterwards I felt a slight itching at the tip of +my prick, but took no notice of it; the next morning piddling, to +my horror I saw a little yellowish fluid oozing, and sat down in +consternation. I had got a clap. + +This laid me up for weeks, I went to a strange doctor and managed to +keep it from my mother, but was in anxiety as to how I was to pay the +doctor. Fortune and misfortune often follow each other. My long promised +appointment came from the W... Office just as I was getting well. With +overwhelming joy I saw some chance of a little money, beyond what I got +by begging from relatives; and then also my mother, at the advice of an +uncle, who pointed out that in a year and a half I could not be kept out +of my property, allowed me a fair monthly stipend. + +I now found out that women of a superior class, were to be had much +cheaper, than my great friends used to talk of; but at the time I write +of, a sovereign would get any woman, and ten shillings as nice a one +as you needed. Two good furnished rooms near the Clubs, could be had +by women for from fifteen to twenty shillings per week, a handsome silk +dress for five or ten pounds, and other things in proportion. So cunt +was a more reasonable article than it now is, and I got quite nice +girls at from five to ten shillings a poke, and had several in their own +rooms, but sometimes paying half-a-crown extra for a room elsewhere. + +When with but little money, I used to take out my best silk +handkerchiefs, and give them with money, and once or twice I gave +nothing else. One night to a nice-looking girl I said I could give her +nothing but a handkerchief. "All right," said she without a murmur. When +I had fucked her, she laid still on the bed and before she washed her +cunt examined the handkerchief very carefully. "It's a rare good new +one, it will pop for half-a-crown where I am known, where did you prig +it?" looking at me as she spoke, and then added, "Yet you look like a +gentleman too." I recollect it as well as if it were yesterday. I at +that time used to take pleasure in laying as long as I could after I had +spent, then getting up and kneeling between the girl's legs opening her +cunt and watching the spunk at the mouth, or the big drops rolling down +between the cheeks of her bum. I was kneeling so then, and was not a +little shocked at her remark. That girl was young, handsome, well made, +and in the Hay-market would now get anything from one to five pounds, +yet I had her several times for three and four shillings a time. + + + + +CHAPTER X. + + A big cunted one.--Sister Mary.--A wet dream.--Charlotte + reappears.--Consequences.--My first child.--Cook Brown, and + housemaid Harriet.--Masturbation and foolscap.--A deaf + relative.--An uncomfortable pudendum.--A lacerated penis.-- + Sudden dismissals. + +Just at this time the following incident occurred. Going one Saturday +night up Granby street, Waterloo road, then full of women who used to +sit at the windows half naked; two or three together at times in the +same room on the ground-floor, with the bed visible from the street, and +which street I often walked in for the pleasure of looking at the women. +A woman standing at a door seized my hand, asking me in, and at the same +time pulling me quite violently into the little passage. I had barely +seen her, and upon her saying, "Come and have me," replied that I had +scarcely any money. "Never mind," said she, "we will have a fuck for +all that." She shut the door, closed rapidly the outer wooden shutters, +which all the ground-floor windows had in that street, and began to kiss +me and feel my prick. I then saw she was half drunk. Quickly she pulled +me towards the bed, threw herself on it, pulled up her clothes to her +navel, and cried aloud, "Fuck me,--fuck me,--fuck me.--oh! how I want +a fuck, make haste." She was a tall woman with dark hair on her cunt, +neither very long nor thick. As I looked at it, I saw the inner lips +hanging out a full inch, I put my finger, two, then three fingers up her +cunt easily. It was enormous. It shocked me, having never seen such a +cunt before I am quite sure. She meanwhile did nothing but jerk, +and wriggle her arse about, shouting out, "Fuck me,--put your prick +in,--fuck me,--fuck me." + +The look of her thing, its size, and her manner so shocked me, that my +prick refused its work, and I told her so. She jumped off of the bed, +fell on her knees, and began sucking my prick violently, made it stiff +in spite of me, got on to the bed again, and recommenced crying out for +me to do it to her. With a feeling of disgust I got on her, slipped my +prick up and began, but it felt nowhere. I could not make out that it +was up a cunt at all, so loose was it. If it had been in a wet bladder, +it could not have felt looser, and it shrunk up again to nothing. "I +can't do it," said I in a fright, for her manner was so lewed, and +became so ferocious, that it quite upset me. "What! a fine young man +like you can't do it," said she. "No" (and as an apology), "I often +can't do it." Again she got it stiff by sucking it. That quite disgusted +me, but on to the bed and into her again I got. My doodle in a minute +began to shrink, but whilst in her, she wriggled and jerked away so +hard, that I think she must have got a pleasure, for she laid quiet for +a time. I was very glad to get off; but was not to be let off so easy. +"I _will_ give you a pleasure," said she, "I can if anyone can," and +although it disgusted me, for such a thing had never been done to me +before, and I tried to stop her, she dropped upon her knees saying, "You +will come to see me again I know, for a man can always do it one way or +another," put my prick in her mouth and sucked and palated it. I was too +young and too full not to feel it. Spite of myself I spent, and just as +I did, grasping my balls with one hand and frigging the stem with the +other, she drew back her mouth about two inches, kept it wide open, went +on frigging, and the sperm squirted out into her mouth and on to her +face; then she resumed sucking it until every drop was out of me. + +That over, she rose and said, "You will come to me again, won't you? I +will always do that to you, and anything else you like." I gave her a +shilling and promised, but never felt so sick and disgusted with a woman +before. Everything about the woman was repulsive. I have since met four +or five woman with very large cunt-holes, but hers was the largest. I am +perfectly certain I could have put my fist up it. I avoided the street +for some months, which was a great loss to me, for I often used to go +through it, to gloat on the charms of the women as they lolled out of +the windows. When I thought of my prick being sucked, it used to disgust +me awfully, and it was many years before I knew what pleasure it was to +a man, at times; but it never has been done to me again, in the manner +that woman did it. + +Then I saw the woman in taking whose virtue I lost my own,--Charlotte. + +Our cook married. A new cook and housemaid came, the latter a pretty +dark-eyed girl of about eighteen years of age, named Mary. Directly I +set eyes upon her I liked her, and thought I would try to get her. My +clap and cheap pokes, had not made me much in love with gay women; whose +free-and-easy ways somewhat shocked my timidity. Some time had elapsed +since I had had any others, and my mind naturally reverted to the nice +pokes I had had with servants. My chances were fewer than ever. One of +my sisters was now frequently at home, Tom no longer needed a servant +to be with him, and the housemaid was less frequently away from the +kitchen. But I felt myself more a man, my good fortunes made me feel +more sure of success, more prompt and determined in attack. + +At first I watched her closely and thought I must have seen her before. +A resemblance struck me, and I remarked to my mother, "How like that +girl is to Charlotte, who lived with us." "She is her sister," said she. +I was startled, for a feeling came over me that I ought not to try her. + +But it brought my liason with Charlotte vividly to my recollection. The +first meeting, the glimpse of her cunt as she got down from the cart, my +first grope, our first poke, were now constantly before me; and I longed +with all my heart to have her again, though I knew it was hopeless. + +Gradually my mind centered itself on Mary, and as I saw the resemblance +to her sister, I used to wonder how far the resemblance extended. +Whether her haunches were as large, her thighs as round, her cunt so +made, fringed, and dark, and so on; until I desired to have her, as much +for her resemblance to Charlotte, as for herself. Yet I had fear and +reluctance to make advances, because she was Charlotte's sister. + +Meanwhile I was chaste, was in good health and wanted a woman awfully. +Then I had a wet dream; dreamed I had Charlotte in my arms, that she ran +away and left me with Mary, who pulled up her clothes, and invited me to +fuck her. Before I could get in to her, I awakened, found that I was on +my back and was spending on my night-gown. + +I had heard much of these dreams, had had one partially, and now had +experienced a complete one. It threw me into a state of irritation, +but seemed to fix the hidden charms of Mary strongly in my imagination. +Desire so carried me away, that from gently rubbing and titillating +myself, I passed to frigging a discharge, whilst thinking of Mary's +cunt. + +In the morning I had the enervation I have always since felt after these +dreams, and my usual disgust at having frigged myself; a feeling which +was not allayed when I looked at my night-shirt. I had a dread of +letting it be seen, but left things as they were. Mary and the cook made +my bed, and must have seen it. Servants see funny things on beds often. +I wonder what they say, and what they think about it. It can't be easy +for a young woman to see sheets, and night-gowns, spunk-stained; without +its effecting her imagination baudily, and paving the way for somebody +to stain sheets and linen with herself. + +I gave up all idea of attacking Mary, but "cock and cunt will try to +get together." There is no use in resisting it. So again with no fixed +intention, but simply from pleasure for the time being, and impelled +by desire (all my silk handkerchiefs were gone and I was again without +money), and by opportunity, I got to courting, and we soon kissed. I had +pressed her belly against mine, got my hand on to the calf of her leg, +and was on the high road to the snatch at her cunt, which my experience +now told me was the right thing to do, when all came to an end. + +I went daily to the W---- Office returning about half-past four. One day +when about half-a-mile from home, a lady in black silk and with a dark +veil approached me; but as if she had made a mistake, when close to me, +turned on one side and passed on. I looked back and saw she was standing +still, then on she went, and so did I, and had nearly forgotten her, +when I heard quick footsteps in the rear, and some one saying, "Mister +Walter, don't you know me?" I turned round, stopped and tried to see who +it was, but the veil prevented it. She hesitated an instant, then lifted +it, and I saw Charlotte. + +With flushed face, bright eyes and a gentle smile, she looked exquisite. +My heart beat tumultuously, my love returned in an instant. I put my arm +round her, and regardless of the publicity of the place, gave a kiss. +There was it is true scarcely anyone about, but she as well as me when +I had done it, saw the impropriety. "Don't, for God's sake," said she, +"what will people think?" "Let us walk," said I, and pulling her arm +through mine, on we went; I looking into her face all the way, noticing +how much the time which had passed had improved her, and overwhelming +her with questions. I felt overjoyed, as if again I should possess her, +and old times had returned. She for a few minutes seemed to give way +to similar elation. Just then I saw a gentleman named Courtauld +approaching, he was our next-door neighbour. We nodded as we passed, +but the incident altered the current of our thoughts. I led her down a +turning where there were scarcely any people, and saying, "I am so glad +old Courtauld did not see me, for his brother lives just by us, and his +old servant is often there and knows me." She relapsed into silence. I +went on chatting of the happy times we had had, and the pleasures we had +tasted together. She remarked, "Oh! pray don't talk of that any more, +recollect I am married, let me say what I have come to say, and then I +must go." + +"To say to me?" said I. "Pray don't misunderstand me, I thought you +would excuse it," said she getting confused, "besides it is my duty, and +of course knowing what I do about you, I was so afraid of something." +"What do you mean?" "Well if I had known where she was going to I would +have made mother stop it, now I come at once to ask you not to hurt +her." I proposed going into a small half-country ale-house close by, but +she refused saying, that if seen to do so, and it became known to her +husband, it might cause much harm. "Oh! no," said she in a hurry again, +"I must go, I must get back, I came to ask you not to hurt her, promise +you won't for my sake." All this time I was in a fog. "Who--who,--what +do you mean?" said I. "Oh you know,--Mary, I mean Mary, she is my +favorite sister, pray don't harm her." The whole affair was clear to me +at once. "It that what you came about?" I asked disappointed. "Yes, I +have been coming for a fortnight, but could not make up my mind; her +last letter made me determine at any risk to do so, and now dear, +promise me not to hurt her, and I will go." + +I was annoyed and wounded in vanity, for I had almost brought myself to +think she had come for the pleasure of meeting me. I had no intention of +quitting her so soon, felt as if I could not, so chaffed her, "What do +you mean by hurting her?" "Don't talk nonsense, you know what I mean." +"Another case of cock and cunt coming together." "If you talk like +that, you insult me, and I did not think you would." "Well, I love you +and would not like to hurt your feelings, what you really mean is, that +I am not to try to do it to her." "Why of course, don't ruin her, that +is what I mean." + +We had walked without any intention on my part to the outskirts of our +village, where the pew-opener's house was in which Charlotte and I had +spent many an hour in love's frolics. The house was in sight, the hope +of again having her came to my mind. In her excitement, which was as +great if not greater than mine, she had not noticed where we were, until +quite at the angle. The pew-opener was at the door, gave me a nod, and +thinking it possible I might be coming in I suppose, left the door ajar. +"Come in," said I. "Never! oh! no, you have brought me here purposely." +I saw there would be difficulty. "Here is that old Courtauld's +house-maid, damn her," said I. "Where,--where,--which way?" said she +looking in alarm in all directions, but unable to see clearly through +her veil. "There,--there," "just step inside the door till she has +past." She stepped in quickly, the next instant I half pulled, half +hustled her through the little door into the bed-room, slammed the door, +locked it, and stood still, half afraid of my own boldness. She went +to the window and began to peer through the blinds to see the old +housemaid. + +"I can't see her," said she, "she must have passed, tell me which +way she went, and let me go." "Not yet. What do you want about Mary?" +"Promise for my sake, you won't try to ruin her." "Well, let us have +a longer talk, how do you know I want to do so?" "I know you do." "Sit +down." "I cannot." "Then I won't promise, why should I?" "Oh! don't be a +blackguard, don't oh! don't,--you shant have her, I will take care," and +then she burst out crying. + +I loved her so that I felt I would do anything to please her; but wanted +her so much, that I could be cruel enough to do or say anything to have +her again. Desire was the stronger. The sofa, the bed, the room, her +beauty, all made me feel savage with lust, so I temporized. "I am so +excited," said I, "I scarcely know what to say, what to do, tell me +more, what you know, what you want, for all this stems so strange to +me,--sit down." "No." "Sit down only while you tell me." "No." But I +laid hold of her and pushed her on to the sofa, and there I held her, +and after beseeching her to be quiet and kiss me, she did so. Then she +sat for a minute, drying her tears, and began her tale and her request. + +"Mary is my favourite sister, she lived with us for a year after I +married, but mother wanted her and she went home. She grew tired of +being at home, went to service, did not like it and went home again; +again grew weary; and to my astonishment, the last time I went to see +the old people, found she had gone to live with your mother. I was +frightened for her sake, for I love her dearly." "Why frightened?" I +asked. "Why frightened? don't I know you, do you think I have forgotten +all?" "I never thought of doing her harm." "Perhaps not," she replied, +"but I would not trust my sister near you, if she had the least liking +for you, or you for her." I protested I was indifferent to her. "Why +kiss her and squeeze her so?" I began denying it, and she stopped me +saying vehemently, "Now don't tell stories, you never did to me, I know +all, I know you do, you mean her harm, or if you don't, harm will come +of it. Look, here is her letter," and she put it into my hands. To +my astonishment I found Mary had told her sister all, mixed with warm +encomiums of me. I was shut up, and could only say I meant no harm. +"Perhaps! but harm must come of it. It nearly brought me to ruin, for +I would have done anything, lived anyhow to keep near you; but I have +escaped it. Poor Mary may not, for you are older now and may do more +harm! she is a different temper from me, and in despair will go wrong +altogether; so I pray you if you loved me, not to injure her for my +sake. If she came to harm, I should break my heart," and she broke again +into tears, getting up at the same time to go. + +I pulled her back and kissed her tears away. "Charlotte, we cannot meet +and part like this, I love you still, I have never ceased to love and +think of you, oh! let me." I could say no more, for in my eyes then +there was a sanctity about a married woman which stilled my tongue. "Oh! +let me," was all I could say. + +She understood what I wanted, and replied, "I am married and cannot, +let me go." At my entreaties she kissed me freely, yet all the time +struggled to get up. + +I thought to myself, "You have had her. She loves you still. Think of +the pleasure you have had with her. Here she is in your power, and +cannot escape without a riot, which she will fear." Kissing her fiercely, +stifling her voice with my mouth, "I must, I will have you again," I +pulled her violently back on the sofa, and had my hand on her thighs in +an instant. + +"Oh! don't, for the love of God, think I am married, don't make me +afraid of myself; oh! take care, you crush my bonnet, what shall I do, +how shall I get home?" Holding her tight, I dragged the bonnet off her +head, and recommenced. We made such a noise, that the old pew-opener +knocked at the door and asked if anything was the matter. + +"By God," said I, "either I will have you, or you shant go out of this +house this night," and so I struggled on through tears and entreaties, +threats, kissings and promises, till with broken voice her head sunk +back, her struggles ceased, her legs opened, my hand slipped over her +smooth thighs, and nestled in the warm moist slit it had so often toyed +with in time gone by. It is nigh fifteen years since that delicious +afternoon, but I recollect my sensations as I touched her cunt, as well +as if it had been but yesterday. + +Resistance had ceased, for a moment in silent enjoyment I laid with my +fingers in their warm lodging, then too impatient to get to the bed, or +take the full luxury of my fortune, I arranged her on the sofa as well +as its size permitted, with her petticoats up in a heap, and with my +trowsers half unbuttoned, flung myself upon her, and entered the +smooth channel in which I first had spent my virginity. Frantic with +excitement, the pleasure came on ere I was in full up her. She, excited +and loving, clutched me tightly in her arms, whilst her cunt and belly +moved sympathetically. In too short a time we spent together. + +My position was a fatiguing one, I was half on, half off the sofa; hers +was but little less so, yet as long as our privates would keep together, +we kept them so. I poured out my love to her, and joyed to hear from +her that she loved me still. But our position could not last for ever; +gradually I slipped off. My prolonged embrace, my sensuous imagination, +and my love for her had told so upon me; that I was already +contemplating the pleasure of another poke, a desire to see her charms +came over me, I went on to my knees and had a glimpse between the open +thighs, of the half open cunt, from which a love-drop was rolling. She +pushed down her clothes, and sat up, looking at me, and blushing like +the most modest of maidens. + +It is extraordinary what objection so many women have to a man's looking +closely at their cunts. A woman will stand naked, lay naked on her +belly, or bum, stand with one leg on a chair, kneel with one leg on the +bed, be looked at frontways, backways, sideways, and be pleased with the +admiration. You may lay and kiss the outside, put your fingers up and +probe it, rub your knuckles into it, tickle or frig it; but directly +you want to pull the lips open, to see the hole which lays hidden by the +hairy outer lips, to see where your prick is longing to hide its head; +they object, put their thighs together, say, "No, it is not to be looked +at." Or if angrily pressed, reluctantly half yield, throw themselves +down, so as to put their back to the light, lifting one leg so as to +hide the light, and using every manoeuvre to prevent you looking closely +at it; and if you desire to look when it's laden with the efforts of +your love, they will struggle to prevent you. Gay or modest, it is the +same among the English; although a gay lady will yield to please her +friend. With the French the objection is less, a French gay woman +will pull open her cunt with her own hands, and let you pull open her +arse-hole if you can and like it. I have known a few women of other +nations and even of my own as free and easy, but the rule is as I say. +This cannot be modesty. I rather imagine it results from a fear that +some discharge will show itself, and sicken the man's appetite. + +Up jumped Charlotte, and went into the adjoining room. I heard her +splashing away a long time at her cunt, and went to her. I had no desire +to wash away from my person, anything which had come from hers. She +pushed me back. I had a glimpse of her, naked to her waist, washing +something. She said, "My linen is in such a mess I have been obliged to +wash it." She had found much spunk upon it, and washed it for fear of +being found out. She put a petticoat over her neck to hide her charms, +the chemise was so wet that it was almost impossible for her to put it +on, and she did not know what to do. + +"Good God, you will catch your death of cold." I rang the bell and gave +it to the old woman to dry. "Now," said I, "you cannot go, it is of +no use, I must have you again, and will see all your charms, I had +you first, I have had you again, and again I will have you; don't be +foolish, all harm is done." + +Crying, entreating and saying she was married, I got her on to the bed, +and stripping myself was soon folded in her arms. My prick was ready, +she had struggled hard, now saw it was useless, and lay in all her +beauty before me, her head on the pillow and her eyes closed, leaving me +to work my will. + +I saw her as leisurely as my throbbing prick would let me from head to +foot, that she had grown stouter, taller, and was now a splendid woman. +Her breasts were full and hard, her buttock large and solid, her thighs +more rounded, the hair of her cunt thicker. Curiously I opened its lips +and put my finger in, to see if marriage had made any difference, but +was far too young and inexperienced to find it out, if there had been +any. It seemed the dear old split which had so often given me pleasure +before; that look and feel finished me, in another second my ballocks +were bang-iny away against her bum, and she met my embraces with +fervour which too soon came to an end. Repose followed, the luscious +tongue-kisses ceased, our sighs stopped, and we fell asleep. + +But not for long. The wet chemise was brought back. That off her mind +into bed I got with her. The coach by which she now could go home did +not leave until eight o'clock, hurry was of no use; with my finger in +her quim, side by side, mouth to mouth, we laid and talked. + +Her anxiety was about her sister, whom I swore I never would attempt. +That settled her. She wanted to know all about me, that was soon told. +I never mentioned Mary's name, although she asked after her. Then I was +curious about her married life, how she got over her marriage night, how +often he poked her, and so on. I got but little out of her, beyond that +he had not discovered that she had been fucked before, and that he was +a good husband to her; my other questions she said were disgraceful. I +felt mad to think that another man should put his prick where my fingers +then were, so I asked if she enjoyed it with him, whereupon she burst +into a passionate flood of tears, and it closed with her saying, +"Whether I love him or not, he is a good fellow to me, and if I am found +out and disgraced it will serve me right." Would she meet me again? +"Never, never, I love you still, but never again." It ended in another +fuck. + +And so it went on till the time for going. Never in my life up to that +time had desire been so strong in me. When I knew she must go I insisted +on again doing it, but could not come up to the scratch, until with a +sharp frig it stiffened and again it was put up her. What a long hard +poke it was, what a test of my manhood, how proud was I when with a +sharp and sudden pleasure I felt my spunk squirting up her dear quim, +and a spasmodic clutch, a sharp sob and "dear Walter," escaping from her +told me she had spent with me. + +She washed, I dressed, swearing I would never wash my prick again till +I saw her. "I have poked you darling, five times," said I in triumph. +It was the first time I think I ever had done so, but am not sure, +and proud enough I felt. We soon relapsed into sadness and tears, and +telling our love to each other, parted at the coach-. stand. + +I was mad again for her; had now money, and twice went down to the place +to get a glimpse at her and failed, but saw her husband in the shop. We +stared at each other. I wonder if he felt that I should have liked-to +throttle him, for so I did. I wrote and got no reply. I pumped her +sister, to see if I could learn where she walked or went, and got no +information; indeed soon lost opportunity for suddenly her sister left +us. Her father came to ask my mother to excuse her on account of his +wife's illness, and she never came back. I have but little doubt it was +only to get her away from our house, and that it was Charlotte's doings. +I never saw Charlotte again, though I still may do so; but to this day +I have an affection for her, and although she must be forty, should like +to poke her. + +Next year, one day my mother opened a letter, it was from the E------ +family; and read aloud little scraps of it to me, and my sisters who +were in the room. "That family is all doing very well," said she; "Mary +who was with us but three months last year is married." She went on +reading, "And Charlotte's husband has taken a large shop and is making +money.--Ah! I am very glad of it, for she was a nice respectable girl. +Oh! here,--and has just been confined with a fine boy.--I am very glad," +said mother. I looked and found it was nine months after Tom's birthday, +and that that day nine months some one had fucked Charlotte five times. +I was delighted. + +My appointment now made it needful to dine late, so we reverted to a six +o'clock dinner. This neither suited the cook nor housemaid; both left, +and two new servants came. I was about nineteen years old. + +The cook whose name was Brown was clean, fat, and wholesome to look at, +and I should say forty-five years old. She must have weighed sixteen +stone. The width across her arse as I eyed it outside her dress, looked +greater than that of Mary the cook; there was a roguish twinkle in her +eye, which made her look like a good-tempered monthly nurse, her eyes +were blue and her hair brown. + +Harriet the housemaid was very tall, and very sallow, had jet-black hair +and black eyes, with the expression of a serpent in them. She showed +splendid teeth when she laughed, and then looked half cat, half hyena. +She never looked you in the face long, was so quiet in her movements +that the cat moved less noiselessly; she startled you by being close to +you when you did not know she was near, and had a sneering laugh. After +a day or two my mother remarked she did not like the pair, and was sorry +she had engaged them. + +Up to this time I had only poked two servants, Charlotte and Mary. +Others had not been to my taste. With one I tried it on and failed, and +when randy now could not help thinking of the couple in the house. I +tried it on with Harriet, but she so snubbed me, that I set her down as +an impregnable virgin. Then I turned my eyes to Brown, though it seemed +absurd to think of such a fat middle-aged woman; but I one day chanced +to see that she had a very fat pair of calves, and I knew she must have +a big arse; and as fat legs had an irresistible attraction for me, I +tried to see more of them, but without the thought of taking liberties +with their owner. + +I saw her legs again, from thinking of them and her rump, my mind +naturally went to her cunt, which I pictured must be very thick-lipped +and hairy like that of Sarah's, whose cunt had made a great impression +on me. Her age then seemed to fade from my mind, and I used to follow +her when going upstairs, trying to see her legs, and flattering myself +she did not see what I was after, but she knew it as well as I did. + +One day going upstairs she stumbled upon her dress, and as if to prevent +doing it again, held it up, so as to show nearly to her knees. When she +got on the top stair she turned round, and as if she had only just seen +me, dropped her dress quickly. Another time she stooped and jutted out +her bum, so that I saw a good deal up the clothes, whilst she pretended +to be doing something to her boot. It seemed to me accidental, but it +was all intentional. + +Then my prick used to stand when I saw her. About nine o'clock one +morning she came into the garden when I was there, and gathered +some herbs. Her stooping posture gave me a cock-stand, and under its +influence I joked her about her legs and my seeing them. She gave a +suppressed laugh and saying, "Lawd! did you sir?" went down into the +kitchen. What made me go down I do not know, but five minutes afterwards +I did so; and just by the kitchen door, saw her with one leg on a chair, +putting up her garter. + +I stood stock still and silent. She adjusted one garter neatly, then put +up her other leg, unrolled the garter, pulled up the stocking and put on +the garter quite deliberately. I saw the flesh of her large thighs, for +her garters were tied above the knees, and she pulled up her petticoats +freely. Putting down her clothes she turned round, saw me, then with a +grin said, "Lawd sir, how you startled me." + +Bursting with randiness I lost all prudence. Mother, sister, Tom, and +the other servant were about the house, but up to the cook I went, +whispering, "I saw your legs, what jolly ones, what thighs, what a cunt +you must have, let's have a feel," and got one hand up her clothes. +She pushed me away saying, "Hish! here is missis." It was a lie, but it +frightened me away. + +The same evening I went downstairs after our dinner. The housemaid had +been sent to the circulating library. Mother, sister and Tom were, as +they usually were after dinner, when the weather was warm; sitting in +the summer-house at the bottom of the garden. I usually sat with them, +but slinked into the house, and down into the kitchen; which being +underground was darkish, although then it was light until eight o'clock. +Cook when she saw me, grinned and became familiar, for she was a regular +old stager, and knew well, that when a man wanted to take liberties with +her, she might safely take them with him. "What do you want?" "To feel +your cunt," said I, "see your legs, feel that crummy rump of yours, +cookey." "Then you won't," said she laughing, and lifting a heavy +saucepan off the fire with both hands, she carried it towards the sink +in the back kitchen. Randy and ready, I saw my opportunity; and as she +neared the sink, thrust both hands up her clothes, grasped her arse, and +was fumbling for her slit; when putting down the saucepan with a bang, +she flung round, and hit me such a slap on the head as knocked me over, +saying, "Why, you young devilskin, it would serve you right to tell your +mother of your capers," and then she stood and laughed at me. + +I persisted, kissed the old party, and told her how I wanted her, for +indeed at that moment I would have fucked her, if she had been eighty. +She repulsed me saying in a whisper, "Harriet is upstairs." "She is +going out," said I. "Wait till she has, if she hears you, she will make +mischief." As I felt this might be true, I desisted. + +I went back to the garden thinking, and hoping mother and sister would +not go indoors. When Harriet had gone oft, I went back into the garden +parlour quite leisurely (for mother could see me do that), then down to +the cook. It was nearly dark. In a minute I had pushed her up against +the dresser, was groping her, and she was feeling my prick and ballocks +with seemingly hearty enjoyment. She opened her legs to give me every +facility. I attempted to get into her, but her clothes and big belly +prevented me. She held my prick against her cunt, so that it pushed +against her orifice, but did not go up it; and such was my state, that +I spent against it. She kept hold of the prick, rubbing it, and gently +squeezing it, until not a drop of sperm was left in it. Then for fear +of being found out, upstairs I went again. The whole business, had not +occupied five minutes. + +I had once spent by accident in Mary's hand, and had fear lest it should +disgust her. There was something about this affair, which seemed quite +different. I could scarcely make out how, with a cunt close to my prick, +I had spent as I had done. The next night came, I tried it on at the +same hour with the same result. She not only let me feel her, but put +my fingers to her cunt, at a place where she wished me to rub her, she +meanwhile frigging away at my prick. But I wanted more than this, and +just as it was too late, she let me put my prick in. At the first spurt +of my spunk, she by a twist threw my prick out, and caught hold of +it with her fingers, letting me spend over her thighs and linen, but +squeezing and frigging at my doodle until it had shrunk thoroughly down. + +For a month the same thing occasionally happened. She would let me +finger, feel, rub her (in the nearly darkened kitchen), putting one leg +on a chair, or stooping down, or any way to let me feel both inside and +outside well. When I got my prick out, she immediately began to frig it. +I used to have quiet rows with her, for not letting me put it into her; +and when at length she did, I was always near spending; and do not think +that more than once, I spent up her completely, so did she manage to +throw me out just as my sperm began to flow. All was done standing up. + +She treated me like some one she had known for years, did everything +before me, talked both baudily, and beastly, called my balls, my cods, +and used to say, "Hish! let me piss first." Then she would sit down on a +pail in the back kitchen and piss, sometimes farting, and saying, "oh!" +with a laugh, when she did so. She would belch without ceremony, blow +her nose through her fingers, and I noticed she never washed her hands +(whilst I was present at all events), when I had spent upon them. +She would say, "How are your cods off for starch to-night?" She was +complaisant enough in letting me feel, would turn her backside round and +let me fumble about it anyhow, but although want made me do what I did, +it never seemed quite pleasant to me, and I disliked her. I never got a +glimpse of her belly or cunt. If the front-kitchen was not dark enough, +she moved to the back, before we began our pranks, and scrupulously +avoided light. Her cunt I felt was a large one, but so far from having +the quantity of hair I expected, she seemed scarcely to have any. One +thing she did which annoyed me. After feeling my cock, she would slide +her hands under the balls to my arse-hole which she would press hard +with her middle-finger, giving a "tchick" with her tongue, at the same +time. + +All this took place in about six weeks. "Hush!" said she one night, +"some one is listening." I could hear nothing, but she whispered, "Go up +to the garden." I did. It was dusk, and I thought I saw a figure enter +the garden parlour, just as I got up the garden stairs. All were out +but me and the two servants. Cook at the same time went up the +kitchen-stairs, calling out loudly, "Harriet, is Master at home, do you +know?" + +A few days afterwards when at our fun, we stood in the door jamb; +Harriet was at the top of the house. Said cook, "If I push you hard by +the shoulders, go out into the garden at once, without saying a word." +It was nearly dark. The kitchen garden-door was shut, but she opened it +wide, before we went to work. I had my prick against her cunt, when a +push came; off I went buttoning up, and after a time across the garden, +into the parlor. Afterwards Harriet brought up lights, her eyes cast +down as usual. The next day the cook whispered to me, "It was that bitch +Harriet watching, I found her coming downstairs with her shoes off, +saying she wanted a candle;--but I will be even with her." + +I never had the cook but once after that. She would not let me. The two +servants quarrelled so, that my mother threatened to dismiss both. When +I tried it on with Brown, she said, "Why don't you ask Harriet, you +young devilskin?" I told her there was no chance. She said she was quite +sure that I should not be the first. Another day she repeated it saying, +"I bet she will let you, the baker has had her I believe." Then she put +me up to watching the baker with Harriet. The man came in the afternoon. +Just when I returned one afternoon, I posted myself at the garden +entrance-gate from the fore-court, from which door ajar, I could see the +street-door. The baker after giving her a kiss, made a poke at her quim +outside her clothes, which she returned by knocking a loaf against his +trowsers just by his tool, and laughing. This I told the cook, who said, +"She will let you, if you try, young devilskin, she has seen you and +your cods naked." "Seen me naked?" "Both of us have," and then she told +me how. + +Opposite my bed-room door at the end of the room, was a cheval-glass, +between it and the door was my sponging bath, then a big tub. Any one +looking through the key-hole could see me naked, when I was in it. +I took the bath directly I was up, which was at about the time the +servants went down. Many a time have I looked at myself naked in the +glass, making my prick stand, to see how I looked in that condition. +Both servants had seen me so. They had sometimes arranged the key so as +to leave the hole clear. Never had it occurred to me that I should be +so looked at, although I had often looked through a key-hole myself, +at women. The cook made this clear to me, by standing in the tub and +requesting me to look at her through the keyhole. + +We arranged that I should bathe the next morning and suddenly open the +door. "Pull your cods about well, and I warrant Harriet will look as +long as she can," she said. I did so, heard the servants door carefully +open, and then frigged my cock, till it was as stiff as a poker. +Stepping out of the bath with a towel, as if to dry myself, I opened the +door suddenly, and found Harriet just rising from a stooping position. +She rushed downstairs but quietly for fear of awaking my mother. For all +that I could not make up my mind to try Harriet, but tried to get Brown +again. "No thank you, young devilskin," said she "not with that bitch of +Harriet about." + +Then I had a strange erotic fancy. Randy with abstinence and fearful of +Harriet, I took to frigging and spending against a piece of paper pinned +against the wall of my room, opposite to the glass, and when standing in +the tub. + +Autumn was coming. As I could not then get leave of absence, my mother +with my sister from school, and little brother, went without me on a +visit to my aunt in H--f--shire, leaving an old female relative who was +very deaf, to take charge in her absence. Cautioning her especially to +make me comfortable, and look sharp after the servants, she said that +she could not bear them and would perhaps dismiss them on her return; +for she had heard them using foul language to each other. I heard this. + +Cook gave me unasked her opinion, that Harriet would let me sleep with +her. Instigated by her, I asked Harriet how I looked naked. She did not +reply, and went downstairs. I overheard them quarrelling. Afterwards I +asked her before the cook. She did not know what I meant, she said. +I then asked the cook if she had not been looking at me through the +key-hole. Cook laughed saying, "He caught you, Harriet once, he caught +you." "You are a liar," said Harriet. "Oh! if it comes to that," said +cook, "we have both seen you naked a dozen times." There was a row +interrupted by my deaf relative coming home. The same afternoon cook +whispered to me, "Come to our room when we are both in bed." + +That night with candle in my hand and in my nightshirt I crept +stealthily into their room; both were awake, Harriet sat up in bed +staring at me. When I entered cook asked me what I wanted. I replied, +"To see as much of them as they had seen of me," and pulled up my +night-gown to my waist. Cook laughed, Harriet said, "Now leave the +room." "If you are a fool and make a row," said cook, "we shall be both +sent off." Just then we did hear some sort of noise, cook sat up and +listened. "It is nothing," said she, and with a grin laid down. I drew +off my night-shirt, standing then naked, and Harriet laying down with a +modest look; I felt encouraged, extinguished the light, and jumped into +bed by the side of Harriet. The bed was so small I was obliged to hold +on to her, to prevent myself falling out. She turned round her bum +towards me and got close to the cook, which gave me more room; and for a +minute we all three lay as close as three herrings in a barrel. + +Darkness encourages baudiness. Harriet had tucked her clothes tight +round her, but I could feel her bum outside, and there did not seem much +of it. I tried to push my fingers between its cheeks, and there was +much struggling and quiet complaining on her part, and joking on mine. +Harriet appealed to the cook to help her, but she only chaffed and +chuckled. At length putting my hand towards the bottom of the bed, I got +hold of her night-gown end, gave it a pull, and it came clean up, the +next moment my naked body met hers from her heels to her waist. She gave +a howl, cook said, "I'll go into young devilskin's room, and leave you +to take care of him," got up and went across to my room, and into my +bed; and there was Harriet and I in bed alone. + +She seemed furious, I felt her over, she was powerless, I dared her +to call out, and at last in one of her writhings to escape my fingers, +getting on her back; I rolled on to her and pinned her under me with my +weight; but her legs were tightly closed, and so for a moment I laid +my stiff prick between the shelving of her thighs, the tip just laying +buried in the hair of her cunt. + +"I can feel your cunt with my prick, I am on it, let me do it," said I, +and struggled to force her limbs open with my knees. + +"No," said she. Again I asked and got a request to get off. "Not if I +lay here all night," said I. I did lay for some minutes, she complaining +of my being heavy, and hot; I every minute trying to wriggle my prick +between her legs, coaxing and kissing, and begging. "What made you think +of coming here with both of us in bed?" said she at length. "Wanting +you." "It's funny," said she, "and Mrs. ------ downstairs." "You know," +said I, "that unless you bawl she cannot hear." At length I told her +that if I did not do it inside, I must do it outside, and began shoving +my prick up and down, which made her restless. She asked me if I would +tell the cook. "No." Gradually her thighs opened, I slipped down between +them, and felt my prick at the portals of her cunt. + +The rest was quick enough. I felt my way through a mass of hair to +a low-down slit, a hole which seemed tight, and as I guided my tool, +fancied for an instant I was again going to have a virgin. I was +mistaken, but the entry needed a hard, sharp, and painful push to me, +and a comparatively easy passage followed. No sooner did I feel up, than +all came to an end, spending copiously I sunk on her, long before the +strokes could have told on her sensations, for in a savage voice she +said, "Now, get off, I hope you are satisfied, and that beast Brown has +got me as she thinks. Now, I suppose you are going." + +I rolled off, but let her know I meant to stay. There seemed something +odd about her which awakened my curiosity. The knob of my tool seemed +to catch as it came out and hurt me, so I began feeling, which I had not +done before, nor did she want much solicitation to feel me, and as she +did so, it struck me she was not unaccustomed to the feel; but her cunt +was a wonder, it was so small and tight on the outside. The feeling +had a good effect, and in half-an-hour I got up her again. And what a +difference! After a few thrusts she gripped me like a vice, she did not +heave, but writhed and wriggled in a way which in my young experience I +never had noticed before; she threw her long legs round me and with her +equally long arms tried to feel my balls from behind. Then a certain +feeling of constriction in her cunt seemed to hurt, but it brought me to +the crisis just as with a last wriggle and sigh her limbs relaxed, and +she became quiet. I laid for some time in her, but although gradually +reducing, my prick did not come out. I attempted to withdraw it, and +it seemed sore and as if something caught the knob and kept it back. At +length out it came, and we both fell asleep. + +Some one pushed me. It was the cook. "Now young devilskin," said she, +"be off, or you will be found out." It was broad daylight. She pulled +the clothes off us. I was on my back with my privates visible. There lay +Harriet on her back also, with everything visible from her knees to her +breasts, and I saw for the first time her black cunt-fringe. The cook +grined and awakened her. Up she got, off I went to my room, and found my +prepuce torn at the top, raw and all but bleeding. + +When I saw them the next day Harriet was savage, for the cook was +chaffing her. The next night I again turned the cook out and had +Harriet. On the third night the cook was restive. "You may do what you +like together, I shant take any notice of you," said she, "but I am not +going to be turned out of my own bed." When I began to fumble about +her, with the view-to annoy her into leaving, she struck out right at +my bal-locks saying, "If you annoy me, I will soon settle you for the +night," and it ended in Harriet coming into my bed-room. + +I examined every part of her body much against her will, nor did she +fail when she warmed under my overhauling to look at me. But a woman is +soon satisfied, and when she has squeezed the balls, and looked at the +tip, she has done. Some men--and I am one--are insatiable and could +look at a cunt without taking their eyes off for a month. So I satisfied +myself well, and at times afterwards,--for she was a peculiar, and an +unpleasant woman in every way, one of the out-of-the-way ones not often +met with, and one I never want to meet again. + +She was quite five feet ten high, her face was sallow and nearly white, +her eyes sloe black, but with the look of a dull serpent in them, her +mouth large, long, and straight, teeth white and large, and the whole +were shown when she laughed, and then she had half the look of a wild +beast. Whenever she smiled baudily, her look was still more unpleasant; +when thoroughly lewed, her eyes opened on you with a still worse stare; +often just before she spent I have seen them, and they startled me. + +Her hair was jet black and magnificent, it fell nearly to her waist; her +shoulders were broad, but there was scarcely more breast than on a girl +of fourteen, and seen sideways she looked more like a man than a woman. +Her ribs you could count as she lay; she was very wide across her hips, +but she had almost as little flesh on her buttocks, as on her shoulders; +her belly was flat, and as she laid down seemed to fall in, and the +sides rose to the two projecting hip-bones; in fact she seemed to want +filling up all over, and yet she was not like a skeleton. + +Her legs were thin, her thighs seemed closer than in other women's. I +used to say when fucking her, "Open your thighs." "They are open," she'd +reply, "they are the same as other women's." She had a huge conceit of +herself, and if I said other women's seem to open more, used to reply, +"What do you know about it?" + +Her cunt was set in a quantity of longish black hair, strong but not +very curly. I didn't much like the look of that. The slit quite hidden +by the hair was long and the lips thin; of inner lips she had none, and +the first idea as I pulled aside the hair was that the cunt was large; +instead of that, low down, and near to her arse-hole was a hole not +bigger than that of a girl's of ten years; you saw both holes quite +close together. Her cunt was in fact a study. Something seemed to bar +the passage; for about an inch further up it seemed smaller. The whole +thing seemed out of proportion, yet I could not say how, or where that +deformity was, with the experience I then had. + +Her arse being so flat, her cunt-hole so low, and her thighs so close, +my prick as it entered seemed to bend under in some way and hurt me; my +tight prepuce was often torn rudely down, and frequently bled. When I +probed her cunt with my finger it never seemed to have the soft buttery +feel I had been accustomed to, but to be harsh; so I found it best to +wet my prick copiously with spittle when I had her. Then off we used to +go; she raising her long legs until her heels were above my buttocks, +writhing and wriggling under me and finishing her pleasure with a sort +of snort. Then my prick would be up her until quite small, when with +pain at the knob, I pulled it out, making a sucking noise as it came +away; nor do I think till pulled out, that any spunk left her, such a +fit it was at the mouth. + +I had much opportunity with her for a few weeks, and she took good care +that she would have her fill of me. She took sleeping with me as a mater +of course. I used to awaken and find her twiddling it up. If I went up +to my room in the middle of the day and Mrs. ------ was out, she came up +directly, and I had her, for I felt ashamed to say I did not want it. I +am not sure, and at that time did not know much about the thing, and how +little a woman really lascivious will stop at, but believe that in the +night when I was asleep, she used to suck me up; for I have awakened and +found her with her face upon my doodle kissing it. She asked me to kiss +her black pussy, and now think she must have wanted me to lick it, but +did not then see what she wanted. There was one thing I did with her +which I had not done before, and which the flatness of her backside +favored doing, fuck her from behind, both laying on our sides, and it +became my favorite way. I used to go to sleep after my spend with my +prick up her in that fashion; she with her long arm put between her +thighs clutching by balls. + +I was constantly at her, and more by her randiness than mine. The cook +used to grin and say, "Well young devilskin, you seem jolly well knocked +up," and made Harriet savage by saying, "Have a little mercy on him." +The cook now took no notice of me, she was a coarse beast, would go to +the servants' closet leaving the door wide open, and begin to talk with +me as I passed; Harriet called her a beast one day for doing so. + +I found that the cook after going to her room used to go down again. +Harriet would let her out and she stayed out all night, Harriet letting +her in in the morning. One night Harriet did the same, saying her mother +was ill. I spoke to the cook about it; she said, "Her mother! pugh--she +goes to see the baker." I began to feel very uncomfortable about these +tricks in case it came to my mother's ears, and that I knew of them. + +The cook asked me to look carefully at Harriet's belly, and explained +to me that I should find certain marks of her having had a child, and to +tell her (cook) if I did. I could not find them. "I am sure she has had +one for all that," said cook. I never told Harriet what I had looked +for. The cook one day said, "If you tell Harriet what we have done +together I will split on you both and tell your mother. I don't care a +dam for the place and am tired of service," so I held my tongue. Harriet +always declared she was a virgin until she had me, and that the cook had +had two or three children. I did not tell Brown that, for fear of a row +between them. Another night that Harriet stopped out, the cook said, +"You may come to me if you are frightened to sleep alone." I went. She +undressed, pissed and farted; but seeing her fat form, into the bed I +got. When I was stiff she said if I would tell all about my doings with +Harriet I might poke her as I liked. I told her most that she asked me; +but she threw my prick out just as I spent for all that. + +Things were now uncomfortable, they quarreled so. One night I asked +Harriet who was frigging me up, whether the baker did not do it enough +to her. She dropped my tool, rushed across to the cook, said that she +had been telling about her, and made such a row, that even my deaf +relative was awakened, and came out of her bed-room asking from below if +anything was the matter. I was on the landing when I saw the light and +hopped across to my own room in a fright. Up came the old lady, the +cook came out and said, "Harriet is very unwell Maam, can you give her a +little brandy?" I had no fuck that night. The next night she began about +the baker. I would answer nothing. She said, "If I have had him it's my +affair; at all events it's an insult to a woman whom you never gave the +slightest present to yet." + +I was struck with that. My allowance was due, and I took her home some +article of jewelry. She made me for the ensuing week fuck her till I +was as dry as a bone, and my very arse-hole ached the last time I did +it,--it was the day before my mother returned. She sat on the side of +my bed and frigged me for a quarter of an hour before she got it stiff, +saying that I did not seem to like her as I used to. + +My mother and sister came back. I never got a poke for a fortnight. When +mother returned nothing would get it out of her head, that I had not +been out late of night; it never _could_ be got out of her head that it +was late at night that did the harm. Not being able to get Harriet now, +I waited for her one night as she went to the library. As I got near a +wall by our house, I saw a man and a woman standing close up against it +together; the man went away directly I approached, and I saw Harriet. +"There was a man with you?" said I. "Yes," said she, "it was the baker, +whom you have heard such stories about, I am going to marry him." I +pulled up her clothes, and to my surprise she resisted, for the first +time saying, "I want to piddle," which she did, and then I had her. Her +height made an uprighter easy, her quim did not seem to need so much +wetting as usual. + +A day or two after this event I came home, my deaf relative opened the +door. Finding that she was laying the cloth, I asked, "Where is the +servant?" My mother said, she had turned both the hussies away, and +the people who gave their characters ought to be prosecuted. With heart +beating I asked what was the matter. "It's not needful for you to +know," she replied, "they are a bad couple." I saw at once I was not +implicated, so asked no more, nor did I ever see them again; though +about ten years after, I met in the streets a tall gaunt haggard woman +who stared at me, and I think it was Harriet. + +For some years this episode seemed a funny one, especially the cook's +uncunting me just as I began to spend, but of course I know now why she +did it, or fancy I do. + +Her inciting me to get Harriet also astonished me, but I have since +found girls anxious to get others into the same way as themselves. Many +I am sure like doing that, and all girls who have been fucked illicitly +like other girls to do the same. + +Harriet was a lewed bitch. I never liked her, and her cunt always gave +me pain as well as pleasure, but she was at hand, and so I got into her +of course. I can't even now make out what was the matter with her cunt; +for though she would let me look at it at times, she always hindered +a quiet inspection, besides I could not at that time of life look at +a cunt for a minute without my cock standing. Then I rushed it up the +machine and had done for a time. I had seen one virginity, but that was +but for a minute, for I pricked it directly. All I recollect afterwards +was that it did not look as open as other cunts, I could not describe +it. I did not care about virginities and never thought about them. I +liked best a good, large, fat-lipped, hairy hole into which my prick +glided easily. When Harriet said I took her virginity, somehow I felt +sure she was lying, but had it been true I should not have noticed it, +as far as my pleasure was concerned. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + Charwoman and daughter.--At a key-hole.--Cutting corns.--A + shower and a barn.--A fat rumped Devonian.--Suggestive + pictures.--A bum-hole offered.--Erotic madness.--Remorse. + +We could not get servants for some time. A middle-aged charwoman came +to assist, and one of her daughters came from time to time, stopping +generally the night. Their cottage was not far off, I had seen the +girl from an infant, she was then about eighteen years old. I had often +smiled when I met her, of course I smiled now. She was quite a slim +little girl, there was nothing of her, but I was at an age when anything +having a cunt attracted me. + +Profiting by experience, I now used key-holes; fortune favored me, for +some reason instead of one large bed, two small ones were put into the +servant's room; between them a wash-stand and a chair on each side of +it were nearly opposite the key-hole. How I chuckled at this, for unless +the key-hole was covered, I could see nearly all one bed and both chairs +and wash-stand. I saw the old woman wash and use the pot, put on her +stockings and other things, the other bed was a little out of range. I +could not so often see the girl, but did at times. + +One evening the girl only stopped. So soon as I heard mother's door +closed, out I went in my nightshirt, and through the key-hole saw the +girl naked. She put the light on the floor, one leg on the chair, and +with a small hand-glass looked at her quim, her bum was towards me. Not +satisfied she turned round, sat down facing me, putting the candle +on the floor and with legs so wide open as she could went on with her +investigation. I had a reasonably good look at her, and her cunt. As +said; she was nothing to look at, but I got in a fearfully excited state +and made some noise at the door which alarmed her, for up she got +and stood still listening. I went to my room, looking through the +half-closed door, hers opened and out came her head. I nodded and back +she went. + +The next day she was going home, and as I now (although having rows with +mother about it) went out when I liked, just before she left I went out +and walked. It was dark. In two or three minutes out she came. After +walking by her side for a time I asked her point blank how she liked the +look of it last night. "What do you mean?" I told her all I had done. +"Oh!" she said with intense surprise, "what a mean thing to do." I told +her how one of our former servants used to look at me naked. After a +minute she did not appear to be at all disconcerted at having been seen +naked; from my description she could have had no doubt what ever that I +had seen all. "What did you look at your quim for?" asked I. "Ah! that's +my business; what did you look at me for?" "To see your cunt." Being at +a dark part of the road I began kissing her, and got my fingers on +to her belly. She made no row, but crossed her legs; and small and +seemingly weak as she was, succeeded in preventing me feeling. I was +out with her an hour, kissing, coaxing, attempting; I got my fingers and +hand over her bum and belly, but not on to her slit. At each failure she +laughed and said, "done again." I swore I would some day. "No you won't, +you're not the first that has tried," said she, and I went home without +having felt her quim properly. + +I attempted it the next day and at every opportunity in the house and +out of it, till new servants came. She felt my prick, would look at it, +squeeze the balls, talk about fucking and baudiness to any extent, tell +me what she had seen, and what she had heard about such matters. She at +length scarcely resisted my feeling her bum, belly and legs, yet I never +got my finger on to her slit, so as to feel the moisture; for she closed +her little legs and wriggled, or got away from me somehow. Once or +twice when I got a little rough, she set up a squeal, and I desisted. I +offered her money. She replied, "No thank you, I am not going to spoil +my chance that way." Our conversation used to begin by my saying, "How +is your duff?" "Oh! nicely, thank you; how is your jock?" "All right and +stiff, waiting for your duff." "Then it will wait a long time," and so +on. It always ending in my trying to feel her, and getting no further. +At length they left, new servants coming. + +I frequently saw her afterwards, and always began the same game. My +mother was told I had been seen talking to her, so after that I only +spoke to her at dusk. Some time afterwards she married a gardener, and +I occasionally saw her, but recognition came to a knowing nod and smile, +which she always returned. Meanwhile I had got my fortune, as I shall +tell; had no end of women, and had forgotten her, when walking across +a field not far from our house, I overtook a short woman with a little +child, and it was she. A shower came on, and we went into a barn, no +one was in it. She told me I was said to be a "dreadful chap after the +gals." "You know all about that now," said I. "Yes," she replied with a +grin, and gradually talking baudier, we went on, until in a few minutes +I had laid her down and fucked her on the hay. "I told you I would do +it," said I. "But you didn't when you said you would,--now it won't +matter." That was her notion. The rain continuing, she said she must go, +whether wet or dry. Neither of us had an umbrella. She pulled her gown +over her head, and saying, "You won't tell anyone, will you," took the +child by the hand and was going, when my appetite came again. I pulled +her back, and with little persuasion, again went up her. She enjoyed the +fuck greatly. As I lay on the top of her we heard a bang, and the barn +grew dark; a man was shutting the door. "Ulloh!" said he, "I didn't know +any one was there; I hope I ain't disturbed you." We made no reply, +but out we went. "You will have a boy out of this," said I. "I hope I +shall," said she. That was the end of my adventure, for I never had her +again, and she soon left the neighborhood. It was her own little child +that was with her. + +Though I have (as I shall in other cases) told all I had to do with her +consecutively, yet between the time when she was in our house, and the +time of meeting her at the barn, three or four years must have elapsed; +and didn't we talk baudy in the barn before I got into her. That may +have warmed her up, yet I believe she wanted me, as soon as she found +herself alone with me. Her little child witnessed the business. + +Just at this time or a little later, an adventure of a serious kind +occurred to me. + +The streets leading out of the Waterloo road were then occupied much +by gay women. Some were absolutely full of them; they were mostly of +a class to be had for a few shillings if they could not get more (my +Granby street adventure has been already told). but many a swell I have +noticed lingering about there. My mother now took nearly all my +money for my board, but with the little remaining, I had a knock off +occasionally. It was one of my pleasures to walk up those streets when +dark and talk with the women at the windows, which were always open +whatever the weather, unless some one as within engaged with the ladies. + +Each woman had generally but one room, but two or three used to sit +together in the front room in their chemises. There was the bed, +wash-stand, chamberpot and all complete. Perhaps one lolled out of the +window, showing her breasts, and if you gave such a one a shilling, +she would stoop so that you could see right down past her belly to her +knees, and have a glimpse of her cunt-fringe. Sometimes one would pull +up her garter, or another sit down and piddle, or pretend to do so, or +have recourse to other exciting devices when men peeped in. + +I used to look in and long. Sometimes had a shilling peep, and then +bashfully asked for a feel of the cunt for it. I so often succeeded, +that ever since then I wanted that amusement, have offered a shilling +for a feel, and met with but few refusals in any part of London. +Sometimes it ended in a fuck. Once or twice to my astonishment they +took mere trifles, and as I think of it, there is wonderfully little +difference between the woman you have for five shillings, and the one +you pay five pounds, excepting in the silk, linen, and manners. + +One night I saw a woman with very fat breasts looking out of the window +(I was then fond of stout women); and after talking a minute, asked her +if she would let me feel her cunt for a shilling. "Yes," said she. In I +went, down she shut the window, and in another minute I was groping her. +She did not let me feel her long. I had not felt such a bum since Mary's +(already told of), and it so wetted my appetite, that I struck a bargain +for a fuck. She was soon stripped, and all I now recollect about her is, +that her cunt was large and covered with hair of a brownish colour; that +her eyes were dark; and that she seemed full twenty-five years of age. I +fucked her on a sofa. + +When I had buttoned up she produced a book full of baudy pictures of +which I then had seen but few; and I went a second time to see the book, +rather than her. Looking over it, she pointed out to me with a laugh, +several pictures of men putting their pricks into women's arse-holes, +and into the rumps of other men. Having never before seen such pictures, +and having no idea of the operation, I felt modest, and turned to +others; but she so regularly as we turned over the leaves pointed +out this class, that my sense of shame gave way to curiosity; and not +believing, asked if it was possible to do it so. "Lord yes," said she. +"Does it not hurt?" said I. "Not if properly done," she replied, +and went on to say it was delicious some men thought; and she talked +altogether in a very knowing way about it; told me how it was best to +grease the hole first, then the prick, and to shove gently, and went on +so, that I said on a sudden, "Why, you have done it, I think." "Yes, but +only with a particular friend of mine who is very fond of it,--and so am +I; it is better than the other." + +I felt shocked, bewildered, and excited. The subject dropped, but she +sat feeling me, slipping her finger under my balls, and pressing my +arse-hole with her finger. I prepared to fuck. She suggested she should +kneel with her buttocks towards me, so that she could feel my balls when +my prick was up her. I assented, and her bum-cheeks were presented to +me. Excited by her conversation and her hints, I looked curiously at +her large slit, and then at her bum-hole; I touched the latter, and she +drove her bum back upon my finger with a laugh. I did not take her hint, +but drove my prick into her quim and pushed in the regular fashion. +Thinking of the pictures excited me and without knowing what I said, +I suddenly pulled it out saying, "Let me put it into the other." "Not +tonight," said she, "put your thumb a little way in, your nail is quite +short" (she had noticed that I used to bite my thumbnails short). I +instantly did, the next moment spent, and dropped over her back, waiting +for the last drop of sperm to run off into her. + +Her hints, her pictures, of which she had actually scores, stirred my +curiosity, her manner disgusted me, yet my brain seemed affected. Is it +possible, thought I, that a man's prick can go in there?--impossible. +And yet she says she has had it done to her, and my thumb went in easily +enough. The more I thought, and the more I reflected how a hard turd +hurt me sometimes in passing it, the more I was puzzled about the +intense pleasure which she said the operation gave! To solve my doubts +(although I had determined not), I went to her again, and saw the +pictures. She again talked about them, until scarcely knowing what I was +doing, "Will you let me?" I asked. "Don't talk loud," said she, "it will +never do to let any one know what we are at." Our voices dropped to a +whisper, whilst by her advice I pulled off trousers and drawers, and she +stripped stark naked. + +Then she carefully greased my prick with pomatum, and put some on her +arse-hole; it was the work of a minute, not a word was said. She then +stark naked, sat by the side of me on the sofa, began fondling and +kissing me, took my hand in hers and rubbed my fingers on her clitoris, +half frigged herself with my fingers, I let her do what she liked. Then +she turned round. "Put it in," she said when her rump was towards me, +"then give me your hand, and don't push till I tell you." Her arse-hole +was at the level of my prick as I stood by the side of the sofa, my +machine was like a rod of iron, my brains seemed on fire, I felt I was +going to do something wrong, dreaded it, yet determined to do it. "Put +it in, slowly," said she in a whisper. The hole opened, felt tight, +but to my astonishment almost directly my whole prick was hidden in it +without pain to me or any difficulty. "Give me your hand." I did. Again +she began frigging herself with my fingers. "Rub, rub, push gently," she +said, and I tried, but was getting past myself. "Now," said she with a +spasmodic sort of half cry, half grunt. I felt my prick squeezed as in +a vice, I shoved or rather scarcely began to do so when I discharged a +week's reserve up her rectum. My brain whirled with excitement, whilst +she leaning over the pillows on the sofa, kept breathing hard and half +snorting like a pig, still frigging herself with my fingers. + +As my sense returned, I could scarcely believe where my prick was, +excitement still kept it stiff, but desire had left me. I pulled it out +with an indescribable horror of myself. + +"Wasn't it delicious?" said she. "I like it, don't you? You may always +do it so." What I replied I know not; I washed, dressed and got out of +the house as soon as I could. When in the street, I was sick. I ran off +fearing some one would see me, got into a Hackney-coach and drove in the +wrong direction; then got out and went a round-about way home, fearing +some one was following to upbraid or expose me. I scarcely slept that +night for horror of myself, never went up the street again for years, +and never passed its end without shuddering, have no recollection of +having had pleasure, or of any sensation whatever; all was dread to +me. And so ended that debauch; one I was deliberately let into by that +woman, having never thought of such doings before as possible, or at +all, as far as I can recollect. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + + Sarah and Susan.--At the key-hole.--A village fair.--Up + against a wall.--An unknown woman.--Clapped again.--My deaf + relative.--Some weeks felicity.--Sarah's secret.--Susan's + history.--Sarah with child.--Amidst black-berries.-- + Susan's virginity.--Susan with child.--Sisters' + disclosures.--A row.--A child born.--Emigration. + +I had now passed my twentieth year. The new servants were sisters (how +many times have sisters fallen to me!); the eldest who was cook was +named Sarah; the youngest, Susan. Sarah was about twenty-six, Susan +nineteen or twenty. I carefully arranged the key in the key-hole of +their door the first night, but saw nothing for two or three nights. +Then oh! fortune again. They rose later than my mother liked; she came +up to their room one morning and found them locked in, so she took away +the key. Now I had as far as the key-hole permitted, a fair field, but +then clothes hanging upon pegs on the door were often in my way; yet I +was so persistent in looking when they went to bed, and arose, that I +saw a great deal. How cunning I had got; I had filed and oiled the lock +and hinges of my door and theirs, so that I could close and open them +noiselessly, used to stoop daily with my eye to their key-hole, stepping +from my room with naked feet. I was nearly caught several times, but +never quite. It now seems wonderful that I was not. + +I was so demure and quiet in talk about women always, and had kept +myself so circumspectly, that my mother never had the least suspicion of +me,--but in all matters of love and intrigue, mother always seemed to me +as innocent as the babe unborn. + +For all that, my mother just then, and to my dismay, seeing that my +little games would be much interfered with, said I better change my +room, and have one on the first floor. Mrs. ------ had remarked, that +being a man now I ought not to sleep on the servants' floor. "As you +please,--it's one flight of stairs less for me, but Mrs. ------ is a +fool," I cried. "And which room?" "Your sister's. Annie will always be +with her aunt adopted, and Jane is only at home in the holidays." But I +would not be pushed into a small room; where was my tub to stand? Where +my books? I must have the spare room. There was much altercation, I made +my mother cry by saying that when of age I would get chambers away from +her, and into the spare room I moved. + +It was next to my mother's. Installed there I did nothing but complain +of its inconvenience. I smoked incessantly in it. The smell got into +mother's bedroom, and she could not bear tobacco smoke. I made a noise +when she was in bed,--that annoyed her. I did all in a quiet way to make +her as uncomfortable as possible. An uncle and aunt who stopped with +us when in town, just then came from the country; and not liking my +sister's room, went to an hotel, which wounded mother considerably, so +she said I had better go upstairs again. I refused point blank; being +down there I would remain, and so managed, that she thought I went back +as a favour to her, and much against my will; but was I not glad!--and +got to my spying immediately. + +Within a month I had seen them both stark naked, for being sisters they +had not hesitated to strip. I had seen the cook piddle, wash her cunt, +and put on her napkin. Susan's bed was not on the right side for me, but +nevertheless I saw enough of her to compare her with her sister. Sarah +was demure in manner, stout, with a splendid bum, and with little hair +of a lightish brown at the bottom of her belly; she wore black stockings +of which I then had a horror. Susan had a wicked, merry face, and a +splendid bunch of dark hair on her motte which attracted me largely. +It struck me that I should have a better chance with her than with her +sister, and began making approaches; when one Saturday night seeing +Sarah wash herself from head to foot, I got such glimpses of her round +fine haunches, and the split between them, that I fell into a fit of +randy adoration, which settled the direction of my attentions to her +instead of Susan. + +I feared to go on with either, because they were sisters, but lust got +the better of my fears. I began kissing cook Sarah; who returned it +saying, she would not have her sister know it on any account. Shortly +after I kissed Susan, who made nearly the same remark; and I found that +each was careful not to tell the other; which was just what had occurred +with two sisters, of whom I have already written. This was very jolly. +Meanwhile I once or twice had a cheap poke on the road, but always with +fear of disease. + +I had but little chance of the cook having now no pretext for going into +the kitchen, and the sisters were not much separated; but I looked up my +chances indefatigably, and finding Sunday favorable, to the horror of +my mother, left off going to church in the morning because the cook was +then alone. After our early Sunday dinner, I used to go to my bed-room +nominally to lay down, but really to look through the key-hole at the +cook who on that day only, dressed and washed herself in the middle of +the day, her sister being downstairs. I got on but slowly; in two months +only having taken outside liberties; till meeting Susan coming away from +the privy one day, I saw her press her clothes against her belly to dry +her cunt, and she saw me. Whenever I met her afterwards I used to tuck +my frock-coat between my legs and smile at her. It was an old dodge. + +I had then bought a _Fanny Hill_ which I kept in my bed-room locked up. +One morning I forgot to put it by, thought of it and rushed upstairs, +entered the room where the servants had been making the bed, and saw +Sarah intently looking at the book. I had feared that my mother had +entered my room, and seen the book. I stood for an instant motionless, +she turned round, gave a cry, dropped the book, and rushed out of the +room, her face like blood. I locked the book up feeling somewhat uneasy, +but afterwards joked her about it and the smutty pictures, and this took +effect. + +There was a fair held not far from us at that time, the girls were to go +there each on separate evenings. Before Sarah went out, I went out, she +had agreed to meet me at the fair; it was dusk, she had a female friend +with her. We went into a dancing booth and had drink, then into the long +room of stalls in which was a dance mob, shouting, crying, pushing each +other, scratching backs, blowing trumpets, and speaking baudily to the +women. As it got later, the men used to feel outside the women's cunts, +and many a so-called modest girl felt a man's prick outside, and passing +in the mob without being found out. Many a grab have I had at my prick +which could only have been done by a woman, who looked quite demure +whilst she did it. I got excited, put Sarah in front of me, and in the +first rush, put my hand round and gave her cunt outside her clothes a +grab. She upbraided me, rushing out of the crowd at the side to escape +me, I after her, into a dark passage, between the backs of the booths, +where men were pissing. They hailed her with laughter, asking her if she +had come to piddle. Back into the crowd she rushed, I with her, and did +the same thing, talking baudily, and kept this up until it was time for +her to go home. + +I said I should walk home with her. The village-road had but occasional +oil-lamps; at places it was quite dark, loving couples were walking or +turning off into dark bye-places by hedges and fences to satisfy their +amatory wants. This I pointed out to her, and talked of the prints she +had seen in _Fanny Hill_ that morning. Altogether she had gone through +enough that day and night to make a female randy. Suddenly a girl in +the dark squealed, and a masculine voice in the dark shouted up, "That's +right, shove your prick well up her, old boy." I tried it on with Sarah +on the way home, but it was no go. I felt her bum and thighs, got her +hand on to my prick, but she would not let me have her. + +Next night I was at the fair, and met her sister Susan there by chance. +I got excited and tried the same dodge with her, she had also a female +friend with her. I pressed their bellies and pinched their burnt when +in the crowd; her friend went off with her young man, then I had Susan +alone and tried pushing my hand against her belly, more than ever; she +took no notice. Her friend and we then met again face to face in the +mob. I had an impression that a feel at my balls must have come from her +friend. We all went to a public-house and had drink; there suddenly +she bid me good-bye, saying it was late, and she must get home, set off +running and was out of sight in a minute. + +I had no intention of going home, but after thinking an instant ran +after her, saw a woman squatting who got up as I neared her; it was she. +"You have been piddling," said I. There was some joking on this. The +same sort of couples were to be seen cuddling about as on the previous +night; the same whispering, squealing ad scuffling a little way off in +the dark lanes. She was more frisky than her sister, and more talkative. +"Ain't they larking!" said she as a girl gave a half giggle, half cry +in the dark. Said I, "They are fucking." She stood stock still for a +minute, and then walked on quietly without saying another word. I had +not before said a baudy word to her. + +Having got the word fuck out, I was game for anything, rattled on +baudily; at last after a long silence, something I said made her laugh. +I began kissing her, at length she returned it, and next instant I +thrust her up against a wall, pushed my hand up her clothes, and my +fingers on to her slit, which was as wet as a slop-pail. She cried, "Oh! +you vagabond," got my hand away, took to her Heels, and ran off. I after +her, till we both stopped breathless. + +I tried again, her resistance grew feebler, she was silent, I had her +against a wall, one hand holding her cunt, with the other I was guiding +my prick to it, it was sliding in, in an instant it would have been +up her, when putting down both hands she pushed it away saying, "Oh! +gracious God, what am I about again," ran off, and never stopped until +she had rang our house-bell. + +I went back to the fair and later on met outside it a very short girl, +who seemed too respectable to be by herself and had her veil down. I +spoke with her, found she was going my way, and walked with her. She +knew my name, and where I lived. Two nights scrambling had not got me +a poke, that I suppose made me bold enough to make advances to this +modest, quiet girl; I stole a kiss, then another, then a hug, then a +feel, and finally with scarcely any hindrance fucked her. We walked and +talked when it was over, she would not tell me her name or address, nor +give me a glimpse of her face; I fucked her again up against our own +garden-wall, insisted on knowing where she lived, said I would walk till +I saw, and did walk with her for about an hour. She said, "If you walk +about all night you shall never know where I live, but you may do it +again if you like, or I will meet you to-morrow, but I dare not let you +see where I go." I feared I could not poke again, so stopped to piss. +She modestly walked on a little; I frigged my prick until the steam was +up, then in her well moistened cunt consummated, and parted, promising +to meet her the next night. + +I looked at Sarah and Susan the next morning, took opportunity of +reminding each of them that I had felt their cunts, bragged to each, +that a young lady who lived close by had let me do it to her. The next +night came, the unknown girl did not keep her appointment, and the +following morning found I had the clap. I never saw or heard of her +again, nor know who the young lady who gave it to me. She was not a +common domestic, I am sure. + +This stopped me for a month, but the time was not all lost, for I +indulged in baudy talk, and familiarized both servants with it, and +the fact that they had felt me, and I them. The eldest used to look +uncomfortable, Susan used to brazen it out with a bright roguish eye, +that I then almost turned to her, especially as Sarah still wore black +stockings; but then Sarah had such fat white thighs, and a larger bum. + +When better and I was again alone with Sarah on a Sunday morning, I got +her on to a chair, pulled up her clothes all round, exposed her legs, +showed her my prick, showed her the pictures in _Fanny Hill_, got +her excited, but did nothing more. Another Sunday I tried it on +unsuccessfully. The third Sunday going upstairs just after mother and +Tom had gone to church, she said she was not going to be worried with +me, and Susan would be at home. Susan had not I found gone to church as +usual. Baulked, I was going out, but catching her in the hall, tried to +pull up her clothes. She cried, "For God's sake don't, I would not let +Susan hear for the world." This confirmed me in what I had felt nearly +certain of; the sisters did not tell each other of my games. I heard +Susan say to her sister who had gone to the top of the house, "I shan't +loose my outing, there is nothing the matter with you," and out she +went. The next minute down came Sarah; I stopped her on the landing, by +my mother's room. + +"Now don't," she began in a coaxing way, but I had not spent for weeks, +and as I looked into her bright eyes and flushed face, meant that day to +do so if I could. She must herself have wanted it, there was such a +soft look about her. My reply was to try to pull up her clothes. +We struggled, pushed against the door of mother's bed-room, and +we staggered into the room together. Nothing could have been more +favorable. I got her up against the bed, her clothes up, my prick +against her belly, and there for a minute we struggled. + +Opposite my mother's was a small low sort of bedstead called a child's, +I don't know why. It was covered with a large skin on a mattress. Mother +used it as a sofa. My prick was actually up against Sarah's belly, my +balls nestling in the hair of her cunt, my hands tightly round her bum, +but her legs were so close together, that I could not get into her; I +put one hand down to open the road to her cunt, but could not manage it, +though her resistance was growing less. She ceased praying me to leave +off, but tried by putting her hands down, to dislodge me from her belly, +withdrawing her hands as they touched my prick. The blinds were down, no +one but us in the house, I saw the child's bed, pulled her towards it, +I going backwards. We fell on it together, she more than half on the top +of me; another struggle, and her petticoats were flung up as I rolled +her round on to her back. She tried to pull them down, bringing her +knees half up to meet them; I saw her buttocks beneath and recklessly +pushing with my hand, a finger went half-way up her cunt. Down went her +legs quite straight, the next instant I was on the top of her. + +I weighted her down, she lay panting. "Now do Sarah dear, be quiet." +She said not a word, nor looked at me. I pressed my knees, and with +difficulty opened her thighs, and we were belly to belly; with one or +two vigorous shoves, in went my prick without difficulty and spending as +it entered. So did abstinence, desire, and excitement tell on me. It has +often behaved in the same way. + +I was now at a time of life when I could do more fucking, and after +long abstinence if I liked a woman, could sometimes do it twice +before withdrawing. The first words she uttered were, "Oh! let me go +downstairs, the dinner will be spoiled." But what did that matter to a +man whose prick was stiff up a cunt! So I waited my second enjoyment; +and if I know anything about the matter, you my dear Sarah, brought your +liquor out to mix with mine. + +Scarcely was my prick out of her, before the street bell rang; +downstairs she ran, I went upstairs. I recollect how wet my hair and +my balls were as I ran, wrapping them up. It was her sister. Directly +afterwards home came mother. Dinner was served, what a row there was, +the meat was not done, the vegetables smashed. "It is disgraceful," +said mother, "has she been upstairs Walter?" How queer I felt at that +question, and wonder my confusion was not noticed. I said I did not +know. "I will be bound she has," said mother, "and been trying on her +finery before going out to-night, Sundays and dress are the ruin of +servants now-a-days." "I have been out," said I to mother. "You would +have done yourself more good had you been to church," said she. + +After dinner mother went up to her bed-room as was her custom, to doze +on the small bed; the next minute her bell rang violently. "Send up +Sarah," said she angrily to Susan, and up she went, I went into the hall +listening in a funk. "Why don't you keep my bed-room door closed?" said +she, "as I tell you." "I am almost sure it was closed when I went out." +"Have you been in here?" "No m'am," stammered the poor woman, "the nasty +cat has been up here on this bed (luckily the cat had done that once +before), and been scratching up the skins." "You must have opened the +door,--and oh! the beast has made some mess upon it." Mother told Sarah +to wipe up the place, it was only marks of what Sarah's overflowing cunt +and my prick had dropped in our hurry. A little more blowing up, and +mothers' anger was over. Sarah came down, looking more dead than alive, +when I saw her in the hall. + +In the evening Sarah went out, and I to church,--so mother thought,--but +in reality to meet Sarah. For an hour we walked about, then as it +grew dark began kissing. What a difference the morning had made. No +resistance now, my hand roved over the smooth bum and belly, a slight +objection on the part of the thighs as my hand touched the hairy +covering, but for an instant only, then as of a right the fingers felt +the moist lapels, which were soon opened by my prick, as I fucked her +up against the wall of the garden, at the very spot where some weeks +previously I had fucked the unknown lady, and caught the clap. + +Good and bad luck come in heaps. I was now in for the good. Next Sunday +and others afterwards, we had a nice half-hour on her bed, or my bed, or +on the sofa in the parlour; but we left no signs of the cat anywhere. + +My mother then went on a long visit to my aunt in H--tf--dshire, wanted +me to go, but I could not get away, so she took my sister from my aunt's +and Tom, and to my delight took Susan. Sarah was left as servant, the +deaf female relative came again to take charge of the house, and we +three were alone in it. My mother's last words were, "Give as little +trouble as you can, and I hope Walter, you will keep out of bad society, +and not be out late." I was mostly to dine with my guardian's executor, +an old family friend. + +That night and for several weeks, Sarah and I slept together, it was a +honey-moon. My old relative, deaf and timid, used to lock her door; I +used to go across to Sarah's and lock it, mother having put back the +key. We had fear of being found out, but not much. In those weeks we +gave way so to our passions, that we were worn out. I taught her all I +knew; she was willing, docile, and did all I told her: love's amusements +in every variety which I then knew of did we try; never had I had such +continuous fucking. The first thing mother on her return noticed, was +that I was pale, and then great was her astonishment when told by my +old deaf relative, that I had scarcely been out one night after seven +o'clock, and up early most days; so my mother put it down to close +attention to my studies, for I was preparing. + +I told Sarah in confidence I had had a virgin, and that there had been +difficulty with her, but none in getting into Sarah. She swore by all +that was solemn that she never had had a man, that although she had been +kissed and tried, no man had put his hands on her naked thighs until I +had. From what she had heard of girl's virginities, she thought she must +have been different from them; she could always easily put a finger up +her cunt, and I believed her. She spent the second time I did it to her. + +Talking excitedly about her virginity and her not having bled when first +pierced, she remarked, "Susan told me that when she--" Then she stopped +and turned the conversation, but my curiosity was whetted. I pressed her +to tell more, she got confused, said it was her cousin Susan, would not +go on to say what Susan had said, at last refused to say more. I did +not forget it, and one night as I lay kissing her and fingering her +clitoris, she told me under promise of the greatest secrecy, that her +sister Susan bled when her young man first put it up her, and with this, +that Susan had been seduced and had a child; so her father had sent +her to service in London, and the better to get her taken care of, had +arranged that her sister Sarah should always take service in the same +house with her; hence at my mothers. "And, oh!" she concluded, "if Susan +or father should ever know what I have done, I should die." The family +trusted her. + +This accounted for the somewhat forward manner of Susan, for her +exclamation when I got up against her belly on the night of the fair, +"Gracious God, what am I about again!" Sarah believed Susan could have +had no one else but her first sweetheart, and that was more than a year +before. All this set me thinking, and more than once when twiddling +Sarah's cunt, I thought of Susan's with the thicker and darker hair, and +wondered in what other respects it differed from that of her sister. + +Now came trouble. Sarah said she was two months gone with child; she had +kept it to herself hoping her courses might come on. She got with child +she thought the first day I fucked her. We were both in great anxiety, +but did nothing to help it. Sunday morning usually passed this way. +Directly they had all gone to church, up came Sarah to mother's room +or into the garden parlour, there I looked at her belly to see if it was +bigger, then she had a crying fit, then we fucked, then she went down to +see after the meat roasting, then generally we had another fuck, and +all was over for that day; for my prick usually came out of her not long +before Susan rang the bell to be let in. + +At length her state began to show, her mother just then was very ill and +wrote to her, she made this an excuse for asking to go home, intending +to try when there to get rid of her encumbrance. My mother with great +objection let her go, for she liked her. For one or two weeks before she +left someone or other had stopped at home on Sundays, so I was balked +in getting ar her, and only did it once to her in nearly a month. I +gave her what money I could to help her; a charwoman came to work in her +absence; it was arranged that her sister should do most of her work as +well as her own, as far as she could. + +My mind reverted to what Sarah had told me about her sister. Would she +not like a doodle up her again I how she must long for a man, I used to +think. She nearly let me coming from the fair, what if I tried again. +Then I thought how wrong it was, seeing what I had done to her sister. +But back again the desire came, I grew randier. "I won't try her on +account of her sister," thought I, "but there will be no harm in larking +with her." + +So I began and reminded her of the night of the fair, told her I knew +that the hair of her motte was dark, by degrees got her to kiss me, to +leave off chaffing her, felt her outside, but went no further. About the +fourth day after her sister had left, I got my hands on her thigh. On +Sunday when all were at church: to blind my mother I had gone out, but +went home directly, and into the kitchen to resume my baudy chaff, I +forgot all about her sister, got to kissing and trying to feel her. I +was long in the kitchen with my prick out, sometimes hanging, sometimes +standing stiff, trying to induce her to let me, but it was of no use. +Her cap was off, her hair dishevelled. I had got her clothes once up +to her hips, had seen her motte, felt it, got my prick up against it, +knocked it about all over her belly, but no more; time was short, and at +last with a sort of guilty fear I went out before church was over, and +came back in time for our early dinner, telling my mother I had been +to ------ church. Then I reflected and thought it was as well I had not +done it to Susan. + +When mother returned she left my sister and little brother in the +country. My old deaf relative remained with us and slept in the room +adjoining my mother's. That same Sunday night, I waited until Susan came +up to bed, pounced upon her on the top landing and tried to feel her; +she dropped her candle-stick and made such a noise, that back I sneaked +to bed, and was asleep, when I heard the bell ringing violently in +the servants' room. Out I rushed saw Susan on the landing with but +a petticoat over her night-dress, and old Mrs. ------ going into my +mother's room who was taken very ill. + +Down to the kitchen went Susan and I to get boiling water, I heaped wood +and coals on the fire, she blew it with the bellows, old Mrs. ------ +was upstairs getting brandy and other things ready. What followed I +recollect as well as if it were yesterday. Susan was half squatting, +half kneeling and blowing the fire furiously. Standing by her my +randiness came on, I pulled out my prick, and pushed it right in her +face. "For shame!" said she, "I will hit you with the bellows, think of +your mother." It did shame me for a moment, I hid my prick, and knelt +by her side stirring the blazing wood. But just then I saw her breasts +through the half-tied night-gown; it was too much for me; that and the +attitude she was in together; loosing all prudence, I pushed one hand +on to her breast, and the other up her clothes, between her legs,--which +were very conveniently opened quite wide,--and on the slit of her cunt +With a suppressed cry she dropped the bellows, attempted to rise, and +repulse my hand, and in doing so we both rolled backwards ( for I had +stooped) on to the floor among the black-beetles of which there were +dozens about. "You wretch," she cried in a suppressed voice, "oh! +don't,--and your poor mother so ill,--oh! don't,--you shant!--and +wanting hot water,--you shant!" in a still louder tone as I got my hand +full on her cunt. "Oh! my God, here is Mrs. ------." + +Had Mrs. ------ not been as deaf as a post, she must have heard our +scuffling, as she neared the kitchen. In an hour or so my mother was +better, and Mrs. ------ stopped in the room with her for the night. My +mother was asleep when I left, Mrs. ------ had had a good dose of brandy +and water, and I knew she would sleep well enough. I went to my room +excited by the continual trying it on with Susan; Mrs. ------ had given +her a glass of brandy and water, "to keep the cold out," as she said, +and she went to her room. I listened, heard her moving about longer than +I expected. I had come up some minutes before to deceive all, and was +shivering in my night-shirt. I thought how unfair it was to her sister +who was in the family way by me, of the risk I ran with my mother in +the house; but a standing prick stifles all conscience. I crossed the +landing, opened her door, shut it rapidly, and there I was in the room +with her, both of us in our night-dresses. She was doing up her hair as +I entered, she wore a night-cap. + +"I won't let you come in here." "Hush! mother will hear you," said I. +Her voice dropped to a whining, "Pray go, I shall loose my character, +if any one supposes anything of this; it's very hard on me." Such was my +state, that I believe if my mother had come in just then, I should have +tried Susan. My reply was to strip my night-gown right off and stand +naked; then I caught her in my arms and forced her into a sitting +posture on the bed-side, sitting myself down beside her. "Let me +do it,--let us fuck, I have felt your cunt,--seen it;--look at my +prick,--let me put it in,--let me do it,--you did nearly once,--let me +now." "For God's sake go." "I won't." "Oh! don't,--oh I go,--if Misses +should hear us, what will become of me." "Don't make a noise then, or +she will." "Well go, there is a dear,--not now,--perhaps some other day +I will." She was defenceless, I hitched up her nightgown, saw a pair of +nice white thighs. "You shant,--you shant," she cried in a louder tone, +pushing down her night-gown. I gave it a violent tug, and pulled it up +to her belly, saw thighs, navel, and dark brown hair between her thighs, +that I had looked at in glimpses through the key-hole. There was my +thigh close to hers, my stiff prick within a few inches of her cunt; +considering all she had gone through that day with me, it was a position +which would have upset the frigidity of an angel, had she not frigged +away some of her passion in the interim. + +But her passions were conquering on my behalf, for she was a woman who +had known love's pleasures; her voice was quiet as she said, "Oh! pray +don't, oh I pray now." I pulled her back and slid my naked limbs between +her thighs, then in a moment I was on her, but in an uncomfortable +position; two of our legs on the bed, two off, my belly touched hers and +pressed her down; with my right hand I guided my prick to her slit. Her +hour had come, "Oh! for God's sake, leave me, I will let you another +day,--I will,--not now,--oh! if you knew!--oh! now!--oh!..." + +It was all but over, my fingers were feeling their way, my prick between +them, every motion she made to help herself, helped me; I held her down +with force until I felt my penis was on the notch, but as it touched the +slippery sides of the red orifice, the first pang of pleasure came and +my sperm spat on to it. With a furious thrust I plunged up her and threw +my whole body over her, grasping her bum, quivering, wriggling, and +pushing. The deed was done, she knew it, and was as quiet as the grave. + +The position was painful to both of us, I felt it in both my legs; she +moved uneasily saying, "I hope you will go." I had no such intention, +kept her down, and my prick in her as long as I could; then got up +quickly, hoping to see her spunk-trap whilst her thighs were open. A +woman seems always up to this, how quickly they shut them. She did, but +the light though feeble was close by, and I saw sperm outside; then she +sat at the side of the bed with her limbs uncovered, I stood naked with +doodle wet, flabby and shrunken, not a pretty picture at all. She begged +me to go, was tranquil, sat twisting up her hair, scarcely made attempt +to hide her limbs, all her anxiety was about her mistress finding me +in her room; but after a few minutes altercation, I was in bed with her +cuddling, and promising to leave directly I had fucked again. + +I got into bed without my night-gown, hers was rolled up so that she +was all but naked, our naked bodies touched at all points, my hands were +free to rove everywhere. How she must have wanted it, only a woman with +twelve months abstinence from cock can tell; and when after feeling her +cunt well, and putting her unresisting hands round my pego, I pushed her +on to her back; there was no difficulty about her thighs, they opened at +once as I turned on to her, her frame thrilled, her tongue sought mine, +her hand clutched my naked back; she spent I verily believe before I +had began, and finished again with me a few minutes afterwards. About +day-break neither of us having closed our eyes, I went back to my room, +tired out. + +My mother kept her bed the next day, so Susan and I had time to talk. +"I don't know what to do," said she, "we have made the sheet in such a +dreadful mess"; and that night before she went to bed, she took it down +and did something to it. I fucked her that day on the kitchen table. + +Her sister did not return for a fortnight, and during that time we +had plenty of fucking; a few nights after I first had her, she was +excessively quiet; on questioning her she said, "I think I got in the +family way last night." "Nonsense," but she told me she had heard that +women sometimes had a sort of consciousness of getting with child, +and added, "I somehow feel certain that I shall have a child from last +Sunday." This will be a pretty go, thought I, and asked, "Did you ever +have your belly up before, for I don't think you were a virgin when I +had you." She denied it, and there the matter ended, but I never could +get to see the lower part of her belly; she would let me see up to her +cunt, and down to her navel, but never more. My experience might not +have taught me much if I had, but I guessed something from what old +Brown had told me, and knew that woman had marks of some sort on +their-bellies after child-birth. + +As the time came for Sarah's return I felt trouble could come with her. +The day before she did, Susan cried, said she was certain she was in the +family way, and expressed great dread of her sister knowing it. "Surely +you don't mind your own sister." "Oh! you don't know how hard she is +upon poor girls who get into trouble," she replied. "Here is a mess!" I +thought. + +Sarah returned, had tried to get a miscarriage and failed, she grew +bigger, all her fear was lest Susan should find it out before she left, +and on plea of her mother's health, she gave notice. Both girls were +afraid of each other, both seemed determined to get as much fucking as +possible. Sarah got hers on Sundays, and sometimes on week days. Susan +who was more about and could often get five minutes with me slyly, threw +herself in my way, got it when and where she could, and had it once or +twice daily. I was not loth. The excitement of two cunts and a certain +pungency in the position stimulated me. I have seen the two standing +side by side, each at the same moment with my spunk in them, yet neither +knowing the other's condition. At times before I had washed my prick +after one sister, I was wetting it in the cunt of the other, which +delighted me. + +Things got desperate. Sarah said I ought to marry her, spoke of +committing suicide, and at length unable to hide her belly, left. I +was anxious to do what I could to help her, so disclosed my case to +a friend; who advised me to borrow, as I was so near coming into my +property. I borrowed fifty pounds of a Jew, promising to pay him a +hundred pounds for it six months afterwards; and got her lodgings a few +miles from our house. Susan also got bigger, and made no disguise of her +intention of getting abortion. + +No disclosure of the sisters to each other had yet taken place, yet +I felt it would be done. One morning Susan's eyes followed me whilst +waiting at table in a most unpleasant manner. I felt all was found out, +so to face it, and get the worst over, threw myself in her way. "You +wretch, you scoundrel, you blackguard," she whispered to me on the +staircase, "it is you who have seduced my poor sister." Soon a better +opportunity was found, and we had a scene; it took place in my bed-room, +when the other servant who had replaced Sarah, and my mother were out. +I could only say I was sorry. She blazed out worse than ever then, +and spoke so violently about my behaviour to herself, that I told her, +whatever her sister had to complain of, I thought she had but little, +for that mine was not the first prick which had been up her, I was sure. +My words and manner staggered and quieted her and after making me take a +solemn oath (which I did holding a Bible) I would never tell her sister +that she was in the family way by me, she got tranquil, and I fucked her +before she left the room. + +Susan was dreadfully ill a few days afterwards, she had got a +miscarriage; my mother attended to her, thinking she had inflammation +of her bowels. I went to see Sarah, who told me some fellow had got her +sister Susan in the family way, she could not tell who, for Susan quite +refused to say. She was soon after confined with a fine child. Troubles +then came apace, the mother of the two women died, Susan left my mother +at once to take charge of the old man's house, and never let me have her +again after her miscarriage. Then the father came to grief, failed and +was sold up. Sarah went home with her child, and after a time, acting on +the advice of a friend, I advanced money out of my property which I had +then come into, and sent the whole lot to Canada. After a year my child +died, and Susan got married. What became of Sarah, I don't know, for all +letters soon after ceased; but to the last I believe that Sarah never +knew that I had had her sister as well as herself, although Susan knew I +had had both of them and was father of both children, or what would have +been both children. + +This ended my intrigues with servants for some time, for my fucking took +quite another direction. Harlots of small degrees amused me till I came +into what was a pretty fortune in those days. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + + Of age.--Camille my first French woman.--Lascivious + delights.--Harlots by the dozen.--Baudy books.--Tribades.-- + A grey-haired cunt. + +I came into my property, and to the great horror of my mother and +family, soon gave up my post at the ------ and my intended career and +determined to live and enjoy myself. I had been all but posted to a +regiment, that commission I resigned, though all my youth desiring it. I +lost much money by doing so. What I did between the time that I had the +two sisters, until I went regularly to the town, is not worth telling of +more than already done. Frig myself, I did not, gay women since my last +clap I was shy of, but I used to shag a servant of a family close by, +and rather think one of our own servants; but if so, all circumstances +made small impression on me, and nearly escaped my mind, excepting those +of a comely woman of about thirty with black curls, of a wall not far +from a church, and of fucking her up against it, of her being so anxious +to get indoors by nine o'clock, and scuffling off with her wetted cunt +directly she had finished with me. Her name or who she was I quite +forget. + +This I know, that I had no other woman at home, and had no liking for +gay women, nor is it to be wondered at, since my experience with them +was confined to one I had with my cousin Fred, women by the roadside who +would take a shilling, and others of a queer class in the confines of +the Waterloo road (two debauches there told of) then filled me with +horror, and three claps; yet I was to leave off giving my passion to +quiet women, and bestow all my attention for a time on gay women. + +Walking up Waterloo place one evening, with plenty of money in my +purse, and lust in my body, I met a fine, clear complexioned woman, full +twenty-five years of age, who addressed me in French, and then in broken +English. She had an eye, and manner which fascinated me, her dress was +quite elegant, as unlike the French women of Regen street of the present +day, as a duchess is to a milkmaid; but she was the ordinary French +whore of the day, of whom there were but few in London (there was no +railway to Paris); and who were exclusively supported by gentlemen at +the West-End. I went home with her to a house at the corner of G-l-n +square, after fearing and hesitating. + +As I got to the door my fear returned, and but for shame I would +not have gone in. "I have but little money," said I, "Have you not a +Victoria?" said she. "No." "You will find one, I am sure." By that time +the door was opened, and in I went. "You will find one Victoria," said +she in broken English as she closed the room-door, "but if not, shall you +not give me what you shall find." The room was nicely furnished, out +of it was a nice large bed-room and a smaller one (she paid twenty +shillings a week for all, as you will soon hear). Four wax candles were +lighted, down she sat, so did I, and we looked at each other. I could +say nothing. + +"Shall I undress?" said she at length. "Yes," I replied, and she began. +Never had I seen a woman take off such fine linen before, never such +legs in handsome silk stockings, and beautiful boots. I had had the +cleanest, nicest women, but they were servants, with the dress and +manners of servants. This woman seemed elegance itself to them. A +nice pair of arms were disclosed, a big pair of breasts flashed out, a +glimpse of a fine thigh was shown, and as her things dropped off, and +she stopped to pick them up, with her face towards me; her laced chemise +dropped, opened, and I saw darkness at the end of the vista between her +two breasts. + +A pull up of the stockings and garters, disclosed other glimpses of the +thighs and surroundings. Then she sat on the pot, pissed and looked +at me, whilst I sat in fear, saying nothing, doing nothing, my cock +shrivelled to the size of a gooseberry, and longing to go away. The +whole affair was unlike anything I had seen or dreamed of, a quiet +business-like, yet voluptuous air was about it, which confused me; it +affected my senses deliciously in one way, but all the horrors about +gay women were conjured up in my imagination at the same time. I was +intensely nervous. + +She seeing me so quiet, sat herself on my knee, and began unbuttoning +my trowsers. I declined it. "Are you ill?" said she. I told her no, +scarcely knowing what she meant. Then she unbuttoned me in spite of my +objection, laid hold of my little doodle, and satisfied herself that +it was all right I suppose; for she hurt me; I could not tell why she +squeezed it, for I did not know then the ways of gay women. The squeeze +gave me a voluptuous sensation, although fear had still hold of me; then +she kissed, and fondled me, but it was useless. Then she said, "You have +never had a woman before I see." My pride was wounded, and I told her I +had many. + +"Are always you like this with them?" she asked. "No, but I really did +not want it." "Oh! yes you shall. Come to the bed." She got off my knee, +went to the bed, laid down on one side, one leg on, one dropping down to +the floor, drew up her chemise above her navel, and lay with beautiful +large limbs clad in stainless stockings and boots, her thighs of the +slightly brown color seen in Southern women, between them a wide thicket +of jet-black hair, through which a carmine streak just showed. She +raised one of her naked arms above her head, and under a laced chemise +showed the jet-black hair in the arm-pit. I had never seen such a +luscious sight, nor any woman put herself unasked into such a seductive +attitude. + +"Come," she said. I obeyed and went to the side of the bed, my prick not +yet standing. She took my hand and put the finger on to her clitoris, +pulled my prick towards her and kissed it, and at the double touch up +it rose like a horn. "Ah!" said she moving on to the middle of the bed, +"take off your clothes." I was on to her without uttering a word and had +plugged her almost before I had said "no," which I had meant to say. + +What a cunt! what movement! what manner! I had till then never known +what a high-class, well practised professional fucker could do. How well +they understand the nature and wants of the man who is up them; hers was +the manner of a quiet woman, who had been some time without a prick, it +was so like baudy nature in a lady, that I was in the seventh Heaven, +"don't hurry"; but the wriggle and heave, and the tightening of the cunt +kept hurrying me, as well she knew. + +I had scarcely finished my spend, when curiosity took possession of me. +She yielded in the way a French woman does to all a man wishes; almost +anticipating them. The black hair under her arm-pits first came in for +my admiration, then her eyes, her bubbies came in for their share, as +raising myself on an elbow, my prick still up her, I looked and felt +all over her, I even opened her mouth and felt her teeth which were +splendid. Then rising on my knees, I looked between her legs, at the +splendid thicket of black hair. Far from attempting to get up, or +prevent me, she opened her thighs wider, I pulled aside the cunt-lips, +there rolling out from a dark carmine orifice was my essence. At the +sight of it, up came my prick, still dripping, and up it went into the +sperm-lined passage. + +My second fuck over, she washed. No sooner was that done, than I wanted +to see it all over again. "You are very fond of women," she said, "I +thought you had never had a woman before." Then I explained, gave her +the Victoria, and scarcely daring said (for she was dressed again), "How +I should like to do it again." "You take up much time of me, but you +may, if you like, at side of de bed." Out came my prick, up it went, her +duff and belly in sight now, till I spent in her, and promising to see +her again I left. One does not get silk stockings, laced chemise, four +wax lights and three fucks for a pound now, if rooms be well furnished, +or not. + +I saw her the next day, then saw her almost daily. Little by little I +took to calling at all times, and sleeping with her. The more I had her, +the more I liked her. She was a very nice woman in most ways, I scarcely +ever found her untidy, dirty, or slammerkin. If not dressed, she had +a clean wrapper on, had nearly always silk stockings on, and a clean +chemise; and therefore call when I might she was ready to be fucked at +a minute's notice. She was a good cook, and would cook omlettes and nice +things in her room. I used to fuck, get out of bed, eat, and fuck again +with the food almost in my mouth. I used to have little dinners in her +room, sent in by a French cook, which were excellent, and then with +stomach full and with nice wine, would spend the evening in baudy joys. + +What astonished and delighted me at the same time, was the freedom and +the way she lent herself to all my voluptuous inclinations. The gay +women I had had, I had fucked so fast, and got away from them as soon +as I could; my spend even scarcely finished at times. With my mother's +servants (my first love Charlotte excepted, and for a time with Susan), +my enjoyments were mostly hurried, a fingerstink, a frig on their cunt, +and a hurried look were all my amatory preliminaries for the most part; +because I was too impatient for the spend, was mostly obliged to seize +opportunities in a hurry, or because the girls were impatient at being +pulled about. When I had tried with them, some of the little amatory +amusements, which were beginning to suggest themselves to my voluptuous +imagination, they resisted, or only half lent themselves to my will. +With Susan I had tried the most, because I knew she had had a bumbasting +before, and she had been more willing; she liked pulling my prick about, +but even she made a fuss one night, when I wanted to fuck her with her +bum towards my belly, and never let me look at her belly. Thus my +baudy longings had never been satisfied. With Charlotte I did a little +variety, from curiosity; now I began to want it from voluptuousness. The +natural impatience of my age, and my few opportunities, had led me to +bring my women to the bed, throw up their clothes, pull open their legs, +give a rapid glance at their thighs, belly and cunt-fringe, by which +time my prick was nodding and throbbing. Then followed a grope, and the +next minute I was fucking as hard as I could. + +With Camille all came like new to me. She even anticipated me. If I +pushed her to the side of the bed, she fell on her back and opened her +legs gently, dis-dosing her slit in the most voluptuous manner, without +speaning. If I strove to open her thighs, open they went as wide as +she could make them, leaving me to open,shut, pinch, frig, or probe her +cunt, as I listed. At a hint, she with two fingers would spread open the +lips to enable the fullest inspection. If I turned her round, she would +fall on the bed arse upwards, like a tumbler. If I cocked up a leg, +there she kept it till I pulled it down. I scarcely ever said what I +wanted, she guessed my desires from the way I turned her about. It was +only at a later time when my baudiness grew whimsical, and invented +strange attitudes, or singular caprices of love, that I had to tell her +what I wanted; but at first I was too timid for that. She once said to +me laughing, "I am a born whore, for I like it, and like to see a man +amuse himself with me." + +Her every movement, even when I was tranquil, was exciting. If she sat +down, her limbs were in some position which by contemplation stirred my +lust, and made me rush to stroke her, and was gratified in any form +and manner I liked. With her all forms of copulation were wholesome and +natural, so that I had enough variety. + +I was constantly with her until pretty well fucked out, then I stayed +away a while. When I recommenced she I expect thought I was weary of +her, and set to work to keep me, by putting into my head things I had +not heard, or thought of, asking if I would like to sate my lust in +such, and such ways; and then procuring for me what she had suggested. + +I was indeed worth treating so, for though I only gave her a sovereign +at first, my money quickly began to go into her pocket from mine. The +more variety I had, the more I paid, which was but natural, and fair. + +She had a book full of the baudiest French pictures; there was not an +attitude depicted in it that I did not fuck her in. That done, she asked +me one day if I would like another woman to feel whilst I had her. She +came, and I fucked Camille feeling the other's cunt, longing to fuck it, +but fearing to propose it. Camille guessed what I wanted, and proposed +it herself. With what joy my prick entered the stranger's split, Camille +looking on, holding her cunt open for inspection at the same time, and +going through the motions of frigging herself whilst I was shoving. Then +came endless variety. I had two other French ladies, and fingered their +cunts whilst I fucked a third, then two more, laying cunt upwards, legs +in the air, and arses meeting over Camille's head. At last I had six +altogether at once, and spent the evening with them naked, fucking, +frigging, spending up or over them, making them feel each other's cunts, +shove up dildoes, and play the devil's delight with their organs of +generation, as they are modestly called. + +Then came other suggestions. "I know such a little girl, not above this +high," she said. I ballocked that little girl. Then she knew one six +feet high. She also I had. Then she knew one with an immense duff of +hair on her cunt. Of course I had her. Then one with none at all; and +mightily pleased was I, as my doodle rubbed in and out of that hairless +cunt, the owner laying at the side of the bed, I standing up, and +Camille holding a candle over the hairless quim, to enable me fully to +see and enjoy the novelty, I was pushing up. + +At intervals when worn out with spending, or disinclined to find the +money, needed for this endless variety of women and cunt-hunting; I +frequently spent evenings quietly in Camille's society. I got from her +information about habits of women, in a way which is not often given +to young men by gay women; learned that women thrust sponges up their +cunts, to prevent men finding out they had their courses on. For +the first time with her, I understood that women could, and did frig +themselves; and on her own cunt, placing herself my finger there, I +first knew the exact spot where a women rubs for her solitary +pleasure. She told me of women rubbing their clitoris together so as +to spend,--what the French call tribadism,--and two women of her +acquaintance did this. All of us half spoony with champagne after a +jolly little supper; she set the two girls rubbing their cunts together. +The two girls on the top of each other, I thought a baudy amusement, and +did not believe until after years, that flat fucking was practicable, +and practised, with sexual pleasure. + +Then should I like to see a man? Now it was not many years since I had +frigged two or three, and declined it. Yet one night she expatiated so +much about the wonderful size of a young man's prick, and what a lot +he spent, and how respectable he was, and what gentlemen had him, etc.; +that I who had a dislike to men being near me, consented, and a fine +young Frenchman came. I could not for half-an-hour go near him, but my +temptress meant I should, and I frigged one of the largest pricks I +have ever seen, and saw his spunk squirt over Camille's arse, which the +Frenchman requested her to turn upwards for him to spend on; indeed he +said he could not make his cock stand until he saw her arse. Directly +afterwards I had the most ineffable disgust at him, myself and all, and +never saw him again. + +I would not again be in the room with a man, but she arranged to let +me see through a hole made in the door, herself fucked by another man, +which I immensely enjoyed, but had not the sight repeated. I even used +to hate the idea of her being fucked by any one but myself; not that I +had anything in the way of love or liking for her, which might have been +termed affection. + +So time went on, I paying handsomely, trying to see and do anything she +suggested, and glorifying myself at being in the lucky way of doing and +knowing everything. I told much to some special friends, some of whom +wanted to find out my sources of such enjoyments; others thought I was a +mere braggart. + +Nearly a year ran away, and four thousand pounds, leaving me with +infinite knowledge and a frame pretty well worn; but I never had a love +ailment, nor have I ever taken one from a French woman yet. + +She never suggested arse-hole work. In her book were pictures of +buggering, and she asked me if I would like such a thing. I frightened +at what I knew, which seemed like a horrible dream, said, "certainly +not," and asked if it was possible. She told me it was, but was +"villaine," and the matter was never again referred to. + +With much fucking I got done up, and one night could get no cock-stand. +She asked me if I had ever played at minette. I did not know what it +meant. She told me it was having my prick sucked. I told her no. I have +already narrated my licking the slightly haired cunt of young Martha, +and how when doing so, she having my prick in her hand close to her +mouth, and was playing with it, when scarce thinking of consequences, +"Kiss it," I said, "put it in your mouth"; and that the young girl randy +with my licking, put it to her mouth or tongue, and that I immediately +shot out my spunk without meaning it. That remained in my recollection +as a nasty subject. The big-cunted woman also sucked me against my will. +So when Camille suggested it I refused. There was another French woman +with her; they were both naked on the bed, and I had been fumbling both, +and baudily amusing myself, with no cock-stiff or fucking desire about +me. After a while I laid down on the bed with them, the other French +woman told me, that some men never did anything else, and that she would +like doing it to me. She had found out I was pretty liberal, and I dare +say counted on my being so now, if I could get by her a new sensation; +but I declined. The two women were laying in the reverse direction to +me on the bed, so that I could see and play with both their cunts, a +favorite posture with me then. After extolling the sensation of minette, +she without my consent turned over me, and geting me between her knees +back up, and so that her bum-hole and cunt were within a few inches of +my nose, she began; whilst Camille who knew what would fetch me better +than I knew myself, moved up her backside, so that I might grope her +more freely. The double cunt feeling, the suction and sight generally, +was too much for me, and the mouth soon drew my sperm with long +lingering and half painful pleasure. My tender-tipped prick suffered, as +it often did indeed when not in the proper receptacle. + +The act made some impression on me, for I soon after had it repeated by +the same woman, and she did it that time so that I saw the prick in her +mouth. I expect it upset me instead of giving me pleasure, for I stopped +her, and my doodle dropped; but I permitted her to recommence; then I +felt something press my arse-hole, it tickled and hurt me, I called out, +"What are you doing?" at the same instant spent. "What have you done?" +said I. "Nothing," said she winking at me, for Camille was in the room. +I did not like the business; she had shoved her finger or thumb up my +bum-hole. I was too young to appreciate that luxury, took a horror at +her, and never would have her again, nor would I have my prick sucked +any more. Many years elapsed before I either had my arse-hole felt or +felt a woman's, after that night. + +Then I had an old woman. Those she had brought me had mostly dark-haired +cunts, and her own was black. As cunt was an inexhaustable subject with +me, we were always talking about it. She said she knew a woman whose +hair was quite grey. "Is she very old?" "No not above fifty." That was +older than my mother, and I could not think of it; but the conversation +was renewed. "She has got as much hair as me, but quite grey, nearly +white, and she is a nice clean woman; have us both, and you can see +the black and white together." So a fattish middle-aged woman certainly +fifty and who seemed to me sixty, came; her hair was nearly white, +Camille lent her stockings and chemise to make her decent I suppose, and +the old woman who spoke scarcely a word, but drank furiously, turned up +to me. She made some objection to showing her grummit, remarking she did +not know it was to such a young man, but being told if she did not, she +might go without pay, the sight came off; the cunt-fringe was nearly +white. She was an English woman. Camille suggested I should have her; +the old woman demurred, but Camille settled (and I really used to do +almost what she advised), that I should have her and look at the grey +cunt at the same time. So it came about; but when half up to spunking +time, Camille said, "Take it out of me and put it into her." When a +prick stands and novelty is in the way it rushes at it. Out I pulled +my prick, and put it up the grey cunt, spent in it, and pulled it out +almost before I had finished. I never saw the old lady again. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + + Piddlings.--Posturings.--Breast and arm-pit.--A turn over.-- + Used up.--Wanting a virgin.--Camille departs.--The Major's + opinion.--Camille returns.--Louise. + +I have told the most novel fucking bouts I had with, or through Camille, +excepting the final one; but should say that whatever women she got me +I turned to her with pleasure again. Sometimes when I had one or two to +amuse me, I used to give her the preference for the fuck, and she +always had one of the gruellings, for she was very handsome, understood +everything, was sensuousness itself, but not vulgar. When I had a fit +of extra lewdness she got me other women. Of course she got profit out +of all, a thing I knew nothing about then. Often I had no want but for +her, and she used to strip herself, or dress just as I wished, put her +body into some attitude, then lay and read the paper whilst I used to +sit and read as well, looking up from time to time at her. Then I would +put her in a new attitude, and go on so for a time; then would make her +piss, catch it in the pot, piss at the same time in it, stick a dildo up +her cunt, and have every variety of amusement I could think of. She was +always willing, never in a hurry, never refused. A charming harlot. + +Making her piss was a favorite amusement with me, I would keep her a +whole day without doing it, so that I might have a good long stream out +of her when looking on. + +I was most curious about the way a cunt opened and shut in squatting. It +was the subject of my earnest investigation. I used to put two chairs +so that they would not slip, nearly close together, and lay down with my +head between them. Then Camille naked all but boots and stockings would +stand up on the chairs, one foot on each; the legs naturally a little +open as the chairs were a little apart, just disclosed the cunt. Then +she would sit down slowly, so that I could gradually see the gap widen, +the red nymphoe show, the clitoris jut out, and at length the whole +cunt-gape ready for the piss. Then she would rise slowly and repeat it +till I was tired; then still laying down I used to hold a large basin on +my breast and belly, and squatting above my head she would piss into the +basin. I would feel the cunt, and if very wet, dry it. In all this she +was obedience itself; she never moved from one posture till I told her +to get to another, would answer any question with frankness. + +I have never lost this pleasure in seeing a woman piss, but at that time +was too impatient to vary the amusements which a man and a woman can +have with their piddle. It was reserved to me with other women, notably +a French woman named Gabriell, and Sarah F--r, to have the fullest +variety and enjoyment in that particular. + +I had fucked Camille in every way excepting her arse-hole, I had spent +between her bum-cheeks, but without the slightest intention of invading +the bum-hole between them,--indeed then had a great dislike to looking +at a woman's arse-hole. At last fucked her arm-pits; she had a splendid +arm, and an unusually large quantity of black hair beneath it which +I much admired. One day she was poorly, I began fucking between her +breasts, she suggested another woman, I would not have one; from her +breasts I got to shoving between her arm and her breasts; then she +wetted her arm-pit with Castile soap, which is of a soft slimy nature, +and I fucked and spent between it. After a time we improved on this; she +would lie in a convenient posture, I would lay a sheet of clean white +paper on the bed, and just as I was coming, protrude the tip of my +prick so as to free the pit, and shoot my spunk on to the sheet of white +paper; or would catch the spunk in my own hand, and before my frensy of +pleasure was over rub it on her cunt, then fling myself on the bed and +go to sleep. + +I used to have her at the side of the bed with her bum towards me; then +she would gradually twist herself round, and cocking one leg over my +head, get herself with her back on the bed without uncunting my prick. +This had to be done very gradually, for a jerk, and my prick used to +slip out. I used to bet with her about this, and she generally managed +to twist round and win. "Now push,--keep it well in,--hold on, I am +going to lift my leg," she would cry at the difficult point, which was +when she had got her bum sideways to me, and was about to lift her leg; +then putting my hands well on her hips, I used to draw my belly to her, +and prick into her, as tightly as I could, whilst she gradually raised +a leg, and pressing her bum up to meet my pressure, gradually got on to +her back, with her limbs in a natural easy posture on either side of my +hips. By that time I had got steam well up, and a shove or two usually +let me off. + +At last having done as great a variety of ballocking, and learn more +baudiness than most men of my age, I was knocked up, fucked out. My +mother with whom I still nominally lived, was in despair. My guardian +alarmed at the rate I was spending my money remonstrated, so I left +Camille and her bevy of women, and went to the sea-side. There I +renovated, and then spent my time on the sands, trying to see the women +in the water. As I grew better my randiness returned, I got hold of gay +women, but my old timidity clung to me, I used to pay them to piss, and +had a grope up them; but do not recollect having anything more. I came +back to London, and for two or three days afterwards Camill's cunt had +no rest. Then I temporarily got into another servant, and ceased to see +Camille much. She tried all sorts of inducements to continue it on the +old footing. + +Then although she knew every incident of my life, she took to asking +if I had ever had a virgin, saying, "Are you sure, did you see her cunt +before you had her? Would you not like one again, if I can get you one, +a young virgin French girl, one sure to be a virgin?"--and so on until +she made me doubt if I had ever had one. At last I thought that I should +like to have another. Well, she could get me a young French girl, but +would have to go to France, it would cost a large sum of money. This +talk went on for some time, and little by little I agreed to give her +fifty pounds to pay her journey, and also to keep her lodgings on. She +postponed the journey for a long time, but at length she went. She made +me promise to do something for the girl besides paying her,--which meant +something or nothing,--but I promised to pay the journey of the virgin +back to France, should she want to go; and also whenever I had the girl, +to pay Camille a "Victoria," "because," said she, "you will have my +rooms and prevent my bringing friends home." + +So I came down with fifty pounds. Off she went in quiet dress, and +looked a quiet lady or middle-class woman. She advised me to keep myself +steady, and the very moment before she left, whilst the cab was at the +door, I turned her with bonnet and travelling dress on, bum outwards, +and fucked her; she hurrying me all the time for fear she should loose +the coach, she had not time to piss, or wipe or wash. "It will give me +good fortune perhaps," said she laughing, "or make you wish me back, it +is lucky for me." + +There was but a slow rail to Dover then, nothing but tidal boats, and +to Paris, the way I thought she was going, no rail at all, and it was +a long journey. Whether she went to Paris or not I don't know, but from +later experience think not, that she was a Southern woman, and went +straight home. She was to be back in a month. It came, but not she; +another week, another, and I began to think I had been sold; another, +and I gave her up altogether, and experienced a little relief, for the +habit of seeing her had so got hold of me, that I could not shake it +off, and yet I was tired of her, but I wanted the virgin. + +There was a middle-aged man with whom I chummed much at my Club, a major +retired, and a most debauched individual. He borrowed money of me, and +did not repay it. His freedom of talk about women made him much liked by +the younger men; the older said it was discreditable to help younger men +to ruin. Ordinarily very careful how I spoke about women ( for my loves +having lain much in my mother's house, caution had become habitual to +me). I one night talked about virgins and of getting them. He said such +things were done; that Harridans got a young lass, if well paid for it, +but that they generally sold the girls half-a-dozen times over, "and," +said he, "they train the young bitches so, there is no finding them out; +you may pay for one who was first fucked by a butcher boy, and then her +virginity sold to a dandy; you may pay for it my boy, and not find +out you have been done." I pondered much over this, and the next night +returned to the subject. His opinion was that an old stager like him was +not to be done; but that any randy young beggar would go up the girl, +and flatter himself he had had a virgin, if the girl was cunning. "When +you see the tight covered hole with your eye, find it tight to your +little finger, and then tight to your cock, my boy; when you have +satisfied your eye, your finger, and your cucumber, and seen blood on +it, you may be sure you have had one,--and not otherwise." + +Thought I, "I am going to be humbugged." Another week, no letter, I went +to her lodings, and found she had taken away everything she had with +her. That night I told a little of my hopes to the Major, not telling +him who the kind lady was, or where she was gone; but it made him laugh. +"You are done brown my boy, done brown; that woman will never turn up +again." He joked me so, that I avoided him, and kept the subject to +myself afterwards. + +Again to the lodgings; the landlady could not keep them vacant any +longer; I paid the rent, but she got no parquisites, I increased the +allowance. Then again I went; the landlady said she did not expect to +see her again. I had now set my heart on having this virgin; ten weeks +nearly had gone; I said if Camille was not back next week she might +let the rooms. It passed; a bill was put up in the window, and the next +morning calling as a forlorn hope, there was a letter for me,--she would +be back in a week. I was in a state of excitement that week, and kept +myself chaste, with the idea of the virgin cunt, and Camille's well +paced roger-ing in anticipation. + +The day came. I was so impatient, that I was there quite early; she +arrived some hours earlier than she had said, and seemed surprised at +finding me; my impression is that she did not want me to be there when +she came back. She came in a hackney-coach; a stoutish full-sized young +woman with a funny bonnet and long cloak on, got out of the coach with +her, and in a free-and-easy way helped the things upstairs. She called +her Louise. The wench put down a big box, and on my turning round after +giving Camille a kiss, I saw she had seated herself on it, and hands on +her knees was looking at me. "Uncord the box," said Camille. Said the +girl, "I am tired." She uncorded it, again sitting down, and looking at +me said, "Is that your young man?--he's a good-looking fellow." Camille +told her to hold her tongue, to go on unpacking, and that I understood +French, eying her at the same time in a savage way, and looking at me at +times very uneasily. She was a rough sort of girl, she said, a relative +of a friend of hers, had come as her servant, and in a short time would +understand her place; smiling at me in a knowing way as she said that. +Camille always addressed her servant in French, me in English; but I +understood French tolerably well. + +Louise did as she was told, but bounced about in an independent way, +threw off her cloak and bonnet, and putting her hands on her hips stared +at me again. I stared at her, thinking of the virginity I was destined +to break up. Certainly she was appetizing; her cloak off showed a thick +woolen dress of dark brown striped with blue, a fine big figure, a +couple of big breasts; her arms naked nearly to her shoulders, as +French peasants usually wore them, were large, fleshy, and brown; the +petticoats were half-way up to her knees, and showed the thickest woolen +black stockings on a stout pair of legs, and feet in thick shoes with +brass buckles; she had immense gilt earrings, and was in fact in the +dress of a Bordeaux peasant woman. + +I did nothing but stare at her, Camille nothing but scold her, talking +to me at intervals. The girl got the boxes ready for opening, then +walked about, taking up poker and tongs, chimney ornaments and +everything in the room with curiosity. Camille and I had so much to +say, that we took little notice of her; then she threw up the window and +looked out. As she bent forward her short petticoats showed her legs +up to her knee-backs; Camille was about to stop her looking out, when +I winked, and stooping saw a thick roll of stockings just beneath the +knees, and the flesh just above. Camille understood. "Madame, madame," +said the girl, "come here, here is fun." I heard Punch squeaking in the +streets; she was delighted; her mistress went to the window giving me a +knowing look, and looking out of the window with the girl, put her hands +over the girl's petticoats and lifted them slightly. Louise took no heed +of this being so engrossed with Punch; I dropped on my knees and saw +half-way up the girl's thighs. I had been chaste for a few weeks, or +nearly so, the sight of Camille had fired me, the thighs finished me; I +shoved my hands up Camille's petticoats on to her arse, got her into +her bed-room, and with her clothes in a lump on her belly, drove up my +prick, spending directly I got up her cunt. + +With half my spendings outside, half inside I lay with throbbing prick, +which only came out when it had spent again. Camille vowed she had not +had a man for weeks, and took it out of me, perhaps fearing if I went +away with stiffening left, some other cunt would take it out. The +ballocking over I went home. + +I was early there the next day; Louise had been installed in the little +room leading out of the sitting-room. Camille told me a great deal about +the distance she had gone, and the trouble and expense she had been put +to in getting the girl's relatives to let her come; she hoped I would +pay the additional expenses; and that I did at a cost of about twenty +pounds. What with that and paying for her journey, and for lodgings +while absent, Louise had cost me nearly ninety pounds already. Then I +undertook to pay for the additional room, in which a bed having been +put, an extra was charged; cooking now being done downstairs. Then +Louise must have a new gown; then Camille thought I ought to give her +something for herself, because whilst away for me she had made no money. +That I refused and blazed up about it; for all that agreed to pay for a +new silk dress for her, and a lot of little odds and ends on the second +day of Camille's return, for all of which outlays I had only had a peep +up the girl's petticoats. + +Then I had a talk about her. The girl was the daughter of a small +grape-grower, a friend of Camille's; they thought Camille was in London +as a dressmaker, making a lot of money, because she sent money home to +her father. Camille offered to take her, saying she would be sure to get +on, if not in one way, then in another; that good-looking girls always +did well in London. The girl was mad to come, and persuaded her parents +to let her do so; believing that Camille got her living honestly; she +was to be her servant until she could be put in the way of doing well. + +"What are you going to tell her now? what are you going to do with her? +what will she say when she finds out?" I asked. + +Camille did not know. The girl would find out, and then she must excuse +herself as well as she could, would say it was better, and jollier, and +more money making than to make dresses. Besides, the girl could not help +herself, and would have to make the best of it. + +When was I to have her? I asked. As soon as I could get her; there she +was, and I might try when and how I liked; help me more she could not, +she could not insist on Louise letting me; but no doubt she would in +time, no one else should have her. + +I was not so sure of that. Camille was gay, and although I had for more +than a year excluded most men from the house, yet she did have other +men there, and I knew they would see the girl, might like her, might pay +Camille; all the remarks of the retired major came strongly before me, +and I thought I was going to be sold, and said so. + +She replied that I was not; she would leave me with the girl when I +liked; if the girl spoke to her she would advise her to let me, but +would have nothing to do with influencing her beyond that; and when the +event came off, she meant to be out, so that Louise's friends could not +say anything. If she went gay it was no fault of hers, young women would +have it done to them, it was natural. That was the game she meant to +play. + +I saw that I had paid her only for bringing a girl, and must take my +chance of getting into her; all she would do was to keep the coast +clear. I don't know what I really did expect Camille to do, but think +I imagined that she would have got the girl in bed with her some night, +let me get into bed with them, and helped to make her fuck, if she would +not. This was dissipated, I was to have the chance I should have had +with a servant in my mother's house, or less, for this girl I should not +see so often, and could not be sure she would be so well looked after. + +So Camille went out, leaving me alone with the servant whenever I +wished. I expect she went with other men at houses of friends, and so +got her time paid for twice over, and made a good thing of it; perhaps +she thought, the longer this lasted the better it would be for her. I +think now that that was her game. + + +FINIS VOLUME ONE + + + + + +VOLUME TWO + + + +CONTENTS. + +CHAPTER I.--Louise sapped.--Suspicions.--Lectures on virginity with live +illustrations.--Drugged for inspection.--Camille's hesitation.--Absents +herself.--The house in G.. d. n s.... e.--Baudy prints.--A feel, a +sniff, and a kiss.--Out shopping.--Garters.--Dinner, and after. + +CHAPTER II.--Undressing.--Silk stockings and garters.--The +attack.--Foiled on the outside.--A battery.--A breech.--A tough +virginity.--Triumphant.--Sanguinary proofs.--The second entry.--My +foreskin.--Twenty-four hours fucking.--Gamahuching.--Six days +pleasure.--Camille returns. + +CHAPTER III.--Camille at home.--Her little game.--My greenness.--The +house in O.. d. n street.--The glove-shop.--Louise fatigues me.--Fred +on the scent.--A cigar-shop.--Three into one.--A clap.--Serious +reflexions.--The sisters disappear. + +CHAPTER IV.--Enforced chastity.--A stricture.--Health restored.--Mrs. +Pender.--A peep from a hay-stack.--In a cowhouse.---Stable and +barn.--Mother's satisfaction. + +CHAPTER V.--Aunt at the dairy.--Morning amusements with Pender.--Female +haymakers.--Mrs. Whiteteeth.--An exhibition of cock.--Against a field +gate.--A night on the grass.--A sight from the barn-loft.--Robert the +page.--Molly. + +CHAPTER VI.--Joey and nursemaid.--The privy in the +laurel-walk.--Scared.--Whiteteeth in the ditch.--The nursemaid's +bed-room.--Robert amusing her.--A lost virginity.--Aunt and +Joey.--Nearly caught.--Amatory instructions to nursemaid. + +CHAPTER VII.--Molly and Giles.--A country ale-house.--Pender's +history.--How her virginity was taken.--White-teeth's ailment.--Molly in +the loft.--Interrupted.--Molly tailed. + +CHAPTER VIII.--Field-women.--Fred at home.--Smith, the field-foreman.--A +rape of a juvenile.--Fucking consequences.--Nelly consents.--Fred looks +on. + +CHAPTER IX.--Laura and Fred.--Vauxhall amusements.--A juvenile +harlot.--A linen stopper.--The hairless and the hairy.--Ten and +forty.--A snub.--At my aunt's.--Nursemaid and page missing.--Pender with +child.--Molly and Giles caught.--Mr. Pendler's letch. + +CHAPTER X.--Nelly and Sophy.--The beer-house again.--Sophy's belly.--On +the road.--Against a tree.--At the baudy house with Sophy.--Her +narrative. Tom and the three sisters.--Fred on the scent.--Pendler's +troubles. + +CHAPTER XI.--Out shooting.--A female carter.--A feel in the +train.--Molly in London.--Giles in town.--Fred on the scene.--Molly at +the Hall.--Copulation in uniform.--A sham illness.--An afternoon with +Molly.--She turns harlot.--Gets clapped.--Her baby. + +CHAPTER XII.--Nelly and Sophy.--Nelly at the Argyle.--In town +with Fred.--On the sofa with Mabel.--The effect of black +stockings.--Interference.--In bed.--Mabel's bad habits.--A ladies' +school.--The bath-room.--My cousins naked.--Marie the curate's +wife.--Cunt inspections.--Servants washing.--Flat-fucking. + +CHAPTER XIII.--Fred on flat-fucking.--In town with Laura.--Back at +the school.--Pictures for young ladies.--Fred's ankle.--Mrs. Maria's +weakness.--To London alone.--Laura and Mabel.--Three in a bed.--A risky +poke.--Groping for the pot.--Nearly caught.--Fred joins us. + +CHAPTER XIV.--My cousin at home.--Pender's belly.--A lawyer's +letter.--Action for crim-con threatened.--Suspicions.--A +compensation.--The Penders leave.--Wholesale whorings.--A frolic at Lord +A...'s.--After dinner.--Newspaper readings.--A strange rape.--Bets +on pricks.--Pricks felt.--Fred on his head.--Beds on the +floor.--Free-fucking.--End of the orgie. + +CHAPTER XV.--Morning headaches.--An indignant housekeeper.--A +saucy valet.--Consequences.--Fred leaves England.--Lady A... 's +invitation.--Laura a widow.--Farewell Laura.--Adieu Mabel.--My +guardian's remonstrances.--Parental advice.--Ruined.--Reflexions.--My +relations. + +CHAPTER XVI.--Married, and miserable.--Virtuous +intentions.--Consequences.--Mary Davis--A virtuous child.--Low-class +fucksters.--A concupiscent landlady.--Reflexions on my career.--the +sizes of pricks.--My misconception. + +CHAPTER XVII.--Irish Kate.--Drink, heat, fleas, and French letters.--The +bricklayer afterwards.--I give luck.--The lost breast-pin.--The +cholera's victim. + +CHAPTER XVIII.--Costermonger's children.--A small girl, mother, and +mangle.--A French letter fetched.--Young Callow's exploits.--The +customers' linen.--A hard-fleshed bum.--Invitation to anus.--A strange +letch.--One big with child.--Fucked for a sovereign, and pleasure.--A +Creole.--My misery.--Reflexions. + +CHAPTER XIX.--My home life.--Heartbroken.--In the parlour.--Maid Mary's +sympathy.--Don't cry Master.--On the sofa.--Both in lust.--Impotent. + +CHAPTER XX.--The next day.--On the door-mat.--On the sofa.--On her +belly.--Eight hours fucking.--At a brothel.--An afternoon's amusement. + +CHAPTER XXI.--Preliminary.--Mary's +seduction.--Flight.--Desertion.--Going to the post-office.--A halfpenny +signal.--Against an arm chair.--The privy watched.--Nearly caught.--Mary +suspected.--Dismissed.--In lodgings.--Service again.--My cousin +sir.--Letters lost.--Mary disappears.--Seven years afterwards.--Sequel. + + + + +CHAPTER I. + + Louise sapped.--Suspicions.--Lectures on virginity with live + illustrations.--Drugged for inspection.--Camille's + hesitation.--Absents herself.--The house in G..d.n Sq..e.-- + Baudy prints.--A feel, a sniff and a kiss.--Out shopping.-- + Garters.--Dinner and after. + +I went to work to get into Louise, having no compunctions, it seemed to +me the most natural thing in the world. I had read about the naughtiness +of seduction, but my associates had taught me, that every girl wanted +fucking, and was longing secretly for it, high, or low, rich or poor, it +was the same. As to servants, and women of the humbler class, that they +all took cock on the quiet, and were proud of having a gentleman to +cover them. Such was the opinion of men in my class of life and of my +age. My experience with my mother's servants corroborated it; and so to +get into Louise seemed both natural and proper. + +I suppose there is but one way ordinarily of beginning with a woman. +A man must first make himself agreeable, then successively familiar, +endearing, coaxing, loose, bold, baudy, determined, then if needs be +fierce, or even violent. This order comes naturally to man cunt-hunting, +and ends in fucking. It does not follow that if the early stages pass +easily, that the last shall ensure success. Occasionally the woman is +scared, put on her guard against herself, and the man, and the chance is +lost. + +This course had become familiar to me at home, and I began. No person in +the house except Camille and Madame Boileau spoke French; there was no +other to speak at all, so my conversation was acceptable. At the end of +a week I had kissed her to her contentment. No strong, healthy woman of +eighteen is otherwise than gratified by the kisses of a young man. Money +I knew now told much, and I gave to her who had never perhaps had five +shillings to call her own. She gave me a kiss in the dark passage, I +hugged her and pushed outside at her cunt, she ran upstairs angry, but +had forgot it the next day. + +Looking at her and longing used to make me randy, then if near, +Camille's cunt got the benefit of it. The girl used to eye us when we +went into the bed-room. She had a quarrel with her mistress, and said +she should go home. Camille said she might; but speaking only French, +and without money, how could she? Just then, through change of climate +and living, she fell ill. + +We were very kind to her. I got her everything. When asleep one day, +Camille partly uncovered her, and showed me her limbs naked; they were +so fine, and so excited me, that but for Camille, I think I should have +ravished her. She soon got well, and I said, that if I did not soon have +her, I should cease seeing her. "Who hindered?" Camille asked. There she +was, I might have her. + +Then I had a suspicious fit. All the old Major had told me about fellows +being sold, and taken in by women who were not virgins came to my mind. +The girl was never out but for a few minutes at a time to fetch things, +yet other men saw Camille, and some might have seen and had the girl. +Camille had once taken her out in a cab; she might have been to some +man's. So I said I would not give the money unless I saw her virgin cunt +first. After a day or two, Camille agreed to it if I would give her ten +pounds down, and would swear never to disclose it to the girl. + +I thought still I was to be fooled, so I called upon my old +schoolfellow, who used to say, "Snatch at her cunt, and show her your +cucumber." He had been one at the frigging match, and had just been +appointed assistant-surgeon at a hospital; he was a bachelor and +baudy-minded as ever. "M...," said I, "have you ever seen a virginity?" +"Many," he replied, "I have dissected them, and if girls have anything +the matter with their wombs, or cunts, we get a look, they don't mind a +doctor. If a girl has piles, I make her turn up, and have opened several +fine women's virgin cunts, asking questions all the while, if they feel +this or feel that. They say yes or no, which of course I knew they +would say, but they think I am very clever for asking. Some like a +young doctor's fingers on their privates, though they say they object. +Assistants only get the chance with the poor, the better classes have +older married men." + +I asked him to explain one to me on a woman, and he did. We went home +with the same women; they were astonished, for instead of pulling our +pricks out, we both merely felt and looked at them, and he gave me a +full lecture. It was an odd sight to see him explaining the situation of +a virginity, I holding a candle to see better. One of the girls roared +with laughter, the others fancied they had some ailments, when they +found out he was a doctor, and he gave them advice. + +I don't mean ailments of their cunts. We did not fuck either of the +women. + +From reading, his descriptions, his sketches and what he pointed out on +three different cunts, I felt satisfied that I should know a virgin, and +told Camille what I had done. She was then good enough to point out to +me on her own cunt, where her virginity had been, as far as she could +recollect it. She was quite sure about Louise, and explained that girls +being with their parents in France were well watched; that the loose +pricks about a town were all taken by the married women,--which I did +not believe. + +One night I was to see it, I waited for a signal from a window, of two +lights, rushed across the road and was let in by Camille. We went into +Louise's bedroom. There the girl lay in her night-dress on the bed, +insensible. "We must be quick," said Camille. Then she threw the girl's +clothes rapidly up above her naval, gently pulled apart her legs, and +held open the lips of the girl's cunt. It was such as had been described +to me. My excitement was fearful. She was a splendid limbed woman, +looked twenty-five instead of eighteen years old. Her cunt-hair +jet-black, crisp and thick as on a negress' head, grew up her mens and +down besides the lips. The vermillion stripe in the midst of it was +enough to drive any man mad. I put out my hand to touch it, but Camille +pulled it back. "No, no," she said in a suppressed voice, "you must go, +you promised me." "Let me fuck then." "No, go at once." She pulled me +towards the door, the girl was breathing heavily. Wild with lust, I +pulled out my prick. "Come away, you promised, she must see neither of +us." "One look more then." Again Camille opened the cunt-lips. + +As she did so, Louise gave a groan, and turned round on one side opening +her eyes wide. Camille blew out the light, and pulled me into the +sitting-room. "You must go," she said. I wanted to fuck her, but she +would not let me. + +I met a woman in Regent street, it was raining hard. Much as I still +hesitated at going with strange, gay women, I went home with her, threw +her down with her clothes on. The instant I saw her cunt, and almost +before I could get my prick out I spent over her bum and thighs. She +remarked, "You did want it, and no mistake." I left, got down to the +Italian Opera. Crowds of women walked under the Colonade, they often +then wore low dresses walking. I went to a baudy house with one, and +fucked her thinking of the black-haired motte and lips between the +thighs of the unconscious Louise. + +I never knew what Camille had given the girl. She said she had made her +drunk with champagne. Louise on a subsequent day said she had got drunk +with champagne, but she never knew that I had seen her on that night. +I believe that something else had been given to her to make her +insensible. There was a convulsive movement in her body as she turned +round; her limbs before she did so seemed dead, her breathing resembled +a groan, her breast heaved distressingly, she opened her eyes, but saw +nothing. The more I reflected, the less I understood the agitation of +Camille, who usually was so calm. + +I had seen the girl's virgin cunt, and recollect the look of pussy, +belly, thighs, and slit. The cunt-hole as I held the candle near it +seemed to be covered, excepting a little perforation just big enough +to put a little finger through, corresponding with my surgical friend's +description; yet I seemed to have less recollection of it than of all +the rest of her body. It was confused, strange, like the remains of a +dream on my mind. So much had suspicion taken possession of me, that I +was by no means now sure I was not being done. I paid Camille the ten +pounds. When she had got them, she said she expected the fifty pounds +all the same, that the cunt inspection was a preliminary she had not +bargained for. I thought I was being cheated, and said so. We had a +row, but such a fool was I, so much desire had I to get into this +girl,--simply because she was a virgin,--that at last I agreed to it. + +The girl could not get up the next day. I saw her in her bed by +myself; she said she had been ill through eating something, and had had +champagne. I caressed her, and in spite of her struggles, got my hands +on her breasts and half-way down her belly, spoke baudy, pulled out my +prick, was repulsed, and gave her a sovereign. Camille came back and +I fucked her. I recollect telling Camille, that there was a wonderful +likeness in face, colour of hair, eyes, limbs, and even in cunt, between +her and her servant. Camille laughed and said, the two families had +always been thought to be much alike, and were related. + +Louise became inquisitive about my intimacy with Camille. "Was I her +lover? Was I fond of her?" "Yes I had been, but was not now." "Why did I +come there?" "To see you, my dear." + +When Louise first arrived Camille was particular in not exposing her own +legs or breast to me. Before that she used in warm weather to be with +naked breasts, a chemise and slippers often being her only garments. Now +she got into slipshot dressing again, and began to talk baudy. She had +told Louise how she got her living, and talked about making money by +fucking, so she told me; but she would not let me take any liberties +with her before Louise. She went out leaving me alone with her, taking +my money when she returned. It is a wonder to me now how I stood all +this, felt I was being humbugged, played with, and yet things went on as +I describe. Three weeks had elapsed, or more, and yet I had never felt +Louise's cunt. So I told Camille she was humbugging me. Louise got funny +in her behaviour to Camille, said she would or wouldn't, and one day +they had a quarrel, in which Louise insolently remarked about something +she wanted, that Camille would do well not to show the point of her nose +in the village any more. When alone I said to Camille, I was not to +have the girl I supposed. Who hindered me? "Help me." "How?" Being in +a blackguard humour I said, "Make her drunk, and then I will have her." +No, it should never be said that that happened in her rooms; if a woman +let a man of her own free will, well and good; if he got into her fair +and square, good; a woman might do what she liked,--it was natural to +have a man;--if Louise liked it, it was not her business; but she would +not have her made drunk. + +I said she was always in the way. She said she must live there. "You +would like me to go out of town for a fortnight." Said I, "That is the +best thing you can do." She said she could not. + +I insisted, and at length she agreed to go for ten days, I paying her I +think fifteen pounds for her lodgings. Off she went, and I dare say went +to a friend's close by, I never knew. She said she was sorry she had +brought the girl to London. Louise was not to know that I was aware of +her departure. The last words she said to me were, "I suppose when you +have her you will leave me." I replied I had no such intention, nor had +I; but a gay woman is a good judge of the future. + +I must now describe the lodgings more closely. The ground-floor was +occupied by a cloth merchant; there was no shop, but in the windows were +some bales of cloth, a brass name-plate was on the inner door, the +top of the house was the cloth-dealer's store. The man was rarely in +England, the entrance to the shop from the hall was always locked, and I +never saw more than one man enter it. + +The first floor Camille had. On the second floor was a grumpy old woman +named Boileau; she took charge of the house. I scarcely ever saw the old +woman excepting when she opened the door, and then she neither spoke or +looked at me. Until Louise came, Camille had had a French servant. Some +years afterwards it turned out that the woolen shop was used by the +foreigners for forging foreign notes; the cloth business was but a mask. +Camille had been there two years. + +Off Camille went. That same day I was at the house. Madame, Louise said, +had gone for ten days into the country, and had left word that no one +was to be let in. I went upstairs saying I should come when I liked, +that as Camille had gone, we could do as we liked. She looked hard at +me. + +"I expect Madame has gone off with some man," said I, "she will get a +good lot of fucking." She had heard me talking baudy, and knew that word +in English and French. Then we had breakfast together, and I made love +to her. + +Louise was as vain as a peacock, and excessively fond of her stomach. +When she had a glass of champagne, she used to swallow it as fast as +she could. This weakness and inclination in any woman places her at the +mercy of a man who will spend his money; and though I did not then see +the advantages of money as plainly as I see it now, I instinctively used +it. + +"This is jolly," said I, "we will go and have dinner, then go to the +theatre, do what we like afterwards." Her eyes sparkled, but she feared +to go, for "Madame was such a demon when offended." "Who would know? The +people in the house would not know what we did," I replied. + +It was yet only mid-day. "Nobody can interrupt us, let's have luncheon +here, I will get the wine." A french restaurateur sent in a hot luncheon. +I fetched champagne, then bethought myself of something which had not +occurred to me before. + +Camille had as said a big album full of voluptuous pictures. When she +went to fetch Louise I asked her to leave it with me till her return. +She said, "I will pawn it to you for ten pounds." I lent that sum. Since +her return she had not asked for it, maybe thinking I would ask for my +ten pounds. I knew now well the effect of baudy pictures in exciting +lust, so I fetched it. We had luncheon and champagne, she laughed,. +talked, objected to sit down with me, but at last was thoroughly at home +with me, and for the first time talked freely of her mistress, whom +she feared. She disclosed a deal of simplicity and a very great deal of +vulgarity, for she was an utter vulgar peasant girl; but I didn't mind +anything to get up her cunt. + +Good living heats the body and stimulates randi-ness; there is fifty +times as much danger in leaving a young couple together with their +stomachs full of good food, than when they are empty. A gentle heat, a +sense of fullness, a gentle swelling, creeps up the stem of the man's +prick, the knob feels tender and voluptuous; a gentle moisture distills +in the woman's cunt, heat and an alloverish feeling, from clitoris +to arse-hole overcomes her. Both are then ready for fucking, and only +restrained from going at it by various social reasons, which determine +our actions in every-day life. Such was our state when kissing and +laughing we put away the things. Then we sat side by side on the sofa, +with my arm round her waist. + +I produced the book, which I had brought with me. I recollected how, +pouring over it with Sarah or Susan, the pictures in my "Fanny Hill" +used to throw them into a state of randiness which it was left me to +appease. Susan used to say, that she only had to look at the pictures +for a minute, to make her want "to forget herself." I took the book out +of the paper; it was a large square book, which immediately attracted +her attention. "What is that?" she asked. "Pictures." "Oh! show me." +"Come on then." She sat on my knee, I put my left arm round her waist. +"Give me a kiss." She gave it. "Now let me look." I had placed my right +hand on her thigh outside her clothes, and was thinking, what a nice +chance I had for throwing her back on the sofa, but I opened the first +page. It was a fine, large coloured print (how well I remember it) of +a bed-room. On the bed knelt two young women side by side, their +petticoats thrown over their backs, and showing their backsides to their +waists. Close by stood a middle-aged woman looking at them; through the +door were the heads of two men peeping at the posterings, lust was on +their faces. One of the girls had a much fatter bum than the other, both +cunts were visible, the hair of one black, the other, light. It was +a bet as to who had the handsomest posterior, the woman to decide was +saying, "Marie a gagne, ell a la plus vonde et la plus belle." + +Louise gave a loud "oh!" as if taken by surprise, her face changed +blood-red, she turned the cover over and burst into a fit of laughter, +tried to get away from me, but I held her fast, so she put her head over +my shoulder and laughed, I laughing with her. "You have as nice a bum +as the dark one," said I. "There is nothing more like that, look through +it." I opened the book again; under her eyes was a picture of a woman +undressed, laying at the edge of the bed, her legs open, her middle +finger on her cunt; by her side a man with trowsers down, his prick out +stiff and crimson-tipped, one hand on the woman's thigh, and intensely +looking at her cunt. + +"I want to do that with you," I said. "Fi donc! c'est villain," said +she, and pushed the book violently away. It fell on the floor, and at +the same instant she attempted to rise. I held her tightly, and pulling +her back on to the big sofa, her legs flying up, I threw up her clothes +in front, showing her fine pair of thighs, and the next minute I had +my mouth and nose buried in the hair, kissing and sniffing it, my hands +roving about wherever I could feel warm flesh. + +With a shriek,--then another,--she twisted round (in doing so my nose +rubbed on her clitoris), her petticoats fell down, she got across the +room to her bedroom, and bolted the door. + +I stood shouting, "What a beautiful form, what thighs, how dark the hair +on your cunt, how lovely my nose has rubbed on it; let me see it again, +let me fuck you, have pity on me." All that suggested itself to a +man whose prick was ready to discharge in his breeches did I say, but +fruitlessly, she made no reply. I went back to the sofa and considered +what to do. Soon I heard her moving, crept to the door, and heard the +rattle of piddle. "You're piddling out of that dear cunt," said I, "how +I wish I could feel it." The rattle stopped, and again I went back to +the sofa. + +I had told her that I would take her out, and called to her to get +ready, she never answered. A few minutes afterwards I wanted to shit; it +was needful to go down-stairs into a yard. Thought I, "If she hears me +go down she will come out;--ah! if she does, there is the book, I wonder +if she will look at it." I opened it at a picture she had not seen, +tearing up little bits of newspaper, I placed them between adjoining +pages, so that if opened the bits must fall out, then said, "I am going +downstairs; if you won't go out, I will go without you." + +I stayed at the shit-house some time, went up quietly, and heard her +door close as I went up the stairs. When I entered the room I looked at +the book; it was just as I had placed it, but two of the bits of paper +had dropped out. "Louise, Louise, you have been looking at the book." +"You lie," said she quickly. "You have, I put bits of paper in, and they +have fallen out, so you must have." "I have not," said she. + +"I wanted to take you to see the shops, to the theatre, if you won't +answer I shall go alone, and dine alone." "I shan't come then." "Don't," +said I in a huff, then went to Camille's bed-room and washed. "I am +going, will you come? In another minute I shall be gone without you". + +"Will you promise not to be méchant" (the French term). "I have not been +wicked," said I. She was yielding; I knew she was wild to go out with +me. "Will you promise to leave off talking so." "Not for ever; how can +I when I have seen what I have." "I have no boots, only my thick shoes." +"Come in those." "Camille has left a pair they are too big, and there +is a hole in them." But it ended in her putting them on. Dressed, she +looked an odd mixture of a peasant and a servant, who had got on some +of her mistress' things. I was ashamed to walk out with her; she saw +something in the expression of my face which wounded her pride. "You +don't like walking out with me," she said, and sitting down big tears +came into her eyes, "but I am handsomer than Madame, my feet are smaller +although my leg is bigger; my shoes are shameful, she would not let me +have boots like hers, she said she would send me home; _she_ won't go +home again, if I tell them about her." Thus she jabbered on in a fume, +till she had exhausted herself, her pride wounded, excited much by +feasting, by the baudy book and my kiss on her cunt. She talked so fast +in her provincial French, that I could scarcely understand what she +said. + +I did not care what I spent, so that I could spend up Louise. "I am +proud to walk with you, and I will buy you a pair of boots." She jumped +up with delight. "But you shall let me do one thing." "What?" "Let me +feel your leg, which you say is so big." "Volontiers," said she, "there +is no harm in feeling a leg; in my country our clothes only just come +below our knees," and so with joking, kissing, and a promise to let me +put the boots on, out we went in a cab. + +I took her to a boot-maker's, and fitted her to perfection; she was +delighted, and in the cab did nothing but put up her feet to look at +them. She let me feel her legs, after she had pulled her petticoats +tight round the knee; I wanted to go higher, "No, no," she said; but I +pushed up, on to her thighs. + +I bought her a bonnet, but it had to be altered and was to be sent home +in the evening; I got out of the cab and going into a shop without +her, bought (guessing the size) white silk stockings and showy garters, +without telling her. Then I bought her gloves, a collar, and one or two +other things, and then we went to dine. + +As I bought each successive article I told my wants coarsely enough. +I felt her in the cab, and got so excited, that I pulled my cock out, +keeping it covered with my handkerchief, removing it from time to time +as I thought the sight of the cock would excite her. "The omnibus, the +omnibus" she cried out suddenly. Forgetting myself and all but my wants, +I had exposed my randy doodle just as an omnibus passed, and as I looked +up, there was the conductor laughing at me. I went to the N.... n +hotel, then just opened, and ordered a dinner; there the collars, cuffs, +gloves, and other things, she fitted on and looked at, and laid them +down, so that she could see them when dining. Gloves she had never put +on in her life before. The anticipation of the bonnet filled her with +delight; it was handsomer she was sure, than any one she ever saw Madame +wear; did I not think she would be handsomer than Madame, if as well +dressed? she was wild with conceit, and told me again how Madame had +refused to buy her things she wished; saying, that a servant could not +be allowed to wear them. This grievance had sunk deeply into her mind. +Meanwhile talking, laughing, joking, sometimes saying, "fi! fi! donc," +sometimes, "oh! villain!" sometimes giving me a kiss, sometimes saying, +"be quiet," she ate a good dinner, drank more champagne than she was +aware of, got more and more talkative, whilst I got more and more lewd. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + Undressing.--Silk stockings and garters.--The attack.-- + Foiled on the outside.--A battery.--A breech.--A tough + virginity.--Triumphant.--Sanguinary proofs.--The second + entry.--My foreskin.--Twenty-four hours fucking.-- + Gamahuching.--Six days pleasure.--Camille returns. + +"The bonnet will be home," said I, "let us go." "Allons, allons," so +off we went. It was dusk when we got in the cab. "I am to put on the +stockings if I give you a pair, and to feel," I said. "No man has, c'est +trop fort, you ask too much; you may put on garters below the knee." +"Why not above?" "Oh! quite different," said she, "in the fields no girl +minds putting her garter on before all the world below knee; but +above, sh! that is disgrace." Such is fashion, I have seen an Italian +market-woman stoop forward and piss whilst talking to a man (a +neighbouring stall-keeper): she saw no harm. An English woman would +burst first; yet if the Italian had put his hand rudely up her legs, +that man might have been stabbed by the woman. Louise saw no indecency +up to the knees, but above was a disgrace. "Put your boots up," I said, +up they went. "I may put garter to there?" said I feeling outside. +"Yes." I shoved my hand up her petticoats on to her thighs, they closed, +and down went the legs: a squeal, a struggle, but on her thighs I kept +it until I got to the house. + +We let ourselves in, the bonnet had not come, Louise opened the window +to look out for it, although it was dark. A ring came, it was the +bonnet; down she rushed for it. "Bring lights, bring lights," said she +taking one in her hand herself, the bonnet in the other; and rushing +into Camille's room where there were large glasses; she put on the +bonnet, clapped her hands for joy, and kissed me saying, I was so good. +She put on her gloves, and collar, turning round to me each time, and +asking how she looked. "Let me sleep with you, and I will buy you a +dress to-morrow morning," said I. "Impossible, impossible, was I not +going now," said she thoughtfully on a sudden. "No," I meant to sleep +there; and as I had fetched a valise, I pulled out my things, took off +my boots, put on a dressing-gown. "There," said I, "I shall sleep here +till Camille comes home." "There will be a row then, and what will I +do? Madame Boileau (the old woman upstairs) must know, and will tell +Madame," and she looked hard at me. + +Then she was attracted by my dressing-gown which was showy, but soon +began looking at herself again, and took off all her finery with a sigh. +"I am so hot and thirsty," said she. It was not wonderful, for she had +fed twice heavily, and been champagning off and on for hours, her hands +were burning, heat was throughout her frame. "Let's have some more +champagne," said I, and opened a bottle; I pulled my trows-ers off,--it +was so hot,--being then in dressing-gown, drawers, and slippers, I made +up my mind to force her, if I could do it no other way. Then my eye +caught sight of a white muslin wrapper which Camille wore, it was tied +down the front with blue bows. + +"Put on Madame's wrapper, if you are hot, you will look handsomer than +she does." She went into Camille's room, bolted herself in, and came +out looking splendid, and had only on beneath the wrapper, her coarse +chemise, which I could see (as indeed I knew before) just reached below +her knees. My heart palpitated, I was in my dressing-gown, she with but +the thinnest garments on. + +The champagne was before us, we were on the sofa, my arm was round her +waist; through the thin folds of her light dress I could feel her firm +haunches and well-moulded body; I talked baudy, squeezed her to me, +pressed her thighs with one hand, and put the other down her bosom. +Every now and then there was a scuffle, a cry, and forgiveness; then +resistance grew fainter, another glass of champagne, and her head +dropped on my shoulder, subdued by amourousness, and when I asked her +to let me sleep with her, she only said, "Oh! I dare not. I must not." +I slipped my hand up to her thighs, she put her hand down stopping its +progress. "If I could only get her into the bed-room, and on to the +bed," I thought and went to Camille's room, the candles were still +burning. "Would you like silk stockings? here they are." "Is it so?" +said she bounding up. I held them up before her. "Let me put them on." +"The garters above knee, mind." "Yes, yes," said she impatiently, "Give +them me". + +She sat down on the side of the bed, and let me put them on, putting one +leg up after the other, pulled off her new boots and old stockings, I +saw her thighs, but she never heeded, so anxious was she to get the silk +stockings on. I had thrown off my dressing-gown, and knelt in front +of her as a boot-maker does in fitting on boots. I was so slow, that +impatiently she said, "Give it me, give it me," pulled it on herself, +and then put on the boot. I sat down on the floor, lowering my head and +looking. Her silks and boots engrossed her. My prick came out from under +my shirt, stiff, standing, and pointing up to her; she never saw it, +but got up directly one garter was on, contemplated one leg in the +cheval-glass, laughed with delight, turned round, kissed me; then on +went the other. As I put that garter on, I kissed the thigh just above +it, up she got, lifted her robe to see her legs, strutted up and down +in front of the glass until tired of looking. Her fine limbs looked +exquisite in the silks and boots. + +I cuddled and kissed her, put my arm round her. "Do let me dear," I +said. I got my hand up her clothes and between her thighs, she crossed +her legs without replying. "I will fuck you, I swear I will," said I as +I forced my hand still closer in. "Oh! oh!" she said, and nothing more. +I pulled her backwards on the bed, my cock stiff, standing, was under +her eyes, drew her lips close to mine kissing rapidly: my fingers rubbed +the warm slit, her bum began to move uneasily, her breathing was short, +her thighs unclosed, my finger slipped farther. "Oh! don't hurt me," she +said sharply. Pressing her backwards on the bed, I lifted her limbs, she +was yielding, meant fucking. I ripped open at once the slight blue +bows which fastened the muslin gown, threw up the chemise, saw the +well-rounded limbs in silk, the bright red garters, the thighs above, +the black hair of her cunt, rolled on to her, was between her thighs, my +naked belly on hers, my prick touching the cunt-lips. + +The accumulators of my ballocks must have been gorged with sperm. Off +and on all day my prick had been on the stand, I had feared to touch +it lest it should go off, nor had I put the girl's hand on to it; the +last-hour my prick had been erect without subsiding. As my belly met +hers a tremor shook my whole frame. "My God, shall I spend outside?" +thought I; my prick like an iron rod touched the top of the wet slit and +slid right down on its passage. Is she virgin? a sharp cry, "Oh! don't +hurt me," I felt an obstacle, pushed violently again and again, "oh! +oh! don't," and then throb, throb, throb, with each throb a jet of sperm +shot out against the mouth of the orifice I had not penetrated, I lost +my power in the contentment of a copious emission, and the pleasurable +certainty, that no prick had yet been up the hole against which mine had +been battering. + +Next was fear lest she should get up, so rapid had the spend overtaken +me, that I had not got my hands under her, they were on the side of her +smooth haunches. To keep her under me until my powers returned, I slid +one hand under her bum, the other under her waist, and squeezed her to +me, then gently loosening my belly a little from hers I pushed again +where my prick laid. With what delight I found it still stiff, with an +obstacle in its front; I nestled gently in the spermy lips, the heat, +the smoothness gave me a tittillation as if a spend was again not far +off, and that I need not have feared my manhood. With pride and power +I clasped her, feeling sure she was virgin. There she lay in all her +beauty, submitting to my will, I enjoying my sense of power, wriggling +gently for a minute, till my prick demanded its right of entry. I +pushed, a sharp "oh!" a harder push, a louder cry, the obstacle was +tight and hard indeed, I had never had such difficulty before; my lust +grew fierce, her cry of pain gave me inexpressable pleasure, and saying +I would not hurt, yet wishing to hurt her and glorying in it, I thrust +with all the violence my buttocks could give, till my prick seemed to +bleed, and pained me. "Oh! mon Dieu! ne faites pas ca, get away, you +shan't," she cried, "oh! o-o-oh!". My prick moved forward, something +which had tightened round, and clipped it gave way; suddenly it glided +up her cunt, still tighter I clasped her, as she moved with pain beneath +me, my balls were dangling on her bum, my sperm shooting against the +neck of her womb, and I had finished the toughest virginity I ever had +yet. + +The job was done, months of anticipation, hopes, fears, and desire, +were over; my prick was in the cunt of a French virgin, at a cost of two +hundred pounds. After my second poke, I had a feeling of pleasure and +tranquillity, a weight off my mind, a future of voluptuousness before +me. My cock still lingered in her cunt, I moved it about, excited and +full of lusty vigor could have gone on fucking; but letting my penis +withdraw, I lay thinking about her cunt, then with a kiss lifted myself +off the beautiful creature who lay under me with eyes closed. I saw +the gauzy dressing-gown lying open, the blue bows torn, a coarse white +chemise in a well pressed heap, above a navel, an ample belly, finely +formed thighs, of a slightly brown tint, and on the chemise beneath +large spots of sperm, patches of blood, and spunk streaked with blood in +quantity filling and covering the space between the cunt-hole, getting +off I seated myself by the side of the bed; Louise seemed to awaken to +consciousness, and with the instinct of a modest woman covered +herself by drawing down her chemise, carelessly, half-sleepily and +unconsciously; more as if from habit than of thought to hide her charms. +Then she drew herself to the edge of the bed, put one leg higher up than +the other, resting her elbow on it, her head upon her hand, she looked +at me wistfully without uttering a word. + +A newly fucked woman rarely looks at the man, sometimes turns away, +rarely speaks, but avoids a man's eyes. Louise did not speak, but she +looked as if she was collecting her senses, looked so long and in +such manner, that it made me uncomfortable, until her fine legs, in an +attitude I had not yet seen them in recalled me to myself. "What lovely +legs," said I. She pulled the chemise down lower, but the chemise was +short, and she was sitting on it; she never took her dark eyes off me, +but with her head still leaning on her hand, said slowly, "You have +promised me never to go into the bed-room with my sister again!" + +"Your sister!" What a revelation! the likeness to Camille. I wondered it +had not struck me more completely before, the hesitation of Camille to +let me get the girl, her wish that she had never fetched her, her half +intention to send her home, the oath she made me take not to disclose +my having seen Louise's cunt when she was insensible: all struck me at +once. + +Louise jumped off the bed in a fright, "No, no, no," she said, "not +my sister, my mistress; did I say sister? I didn't mean it, it's my +mistress, don't say I said sister." + +I was certain she had spoken the truth: the likeness, Camille's anger +when I suggested making Louise drunk, her desire to be out of the house +when her virginity was taken, and other things crowded on my mind. "Deny +it as you like, ma chere, but you _are_ her sister, the very image of +her." + +"Don't say so." I swore I would never tell. "She will murder me if she +knows. She is a demon, you don't know her,--mon Dieu! mon Dieu! what +shall I do? I must run away." + +I calmed her, told her no one need know, I would never tell. She +believed me, seemed comforted, but still kept assuring me she had made a +mistake: she meant to say mistress. + +This was a funny episode, a funny conversation between a woman carrying +her first male spunk in a bloody cunt, and a man with a cock still +dripping with cunt-juices on to his shirt, sitting by her side. + +We talked by the side of the bed; then for a minute she put her head on +my shoulder and cried; it was over-excitement, nothing else, no regret. + +Was I going? My reply was to put on my nightgown, say I meant to sleep +all night with her; I showed her my shirt, dabbed with bloody semen, and +gloried in it, told her her chemise was in the same state. She begged +me to leave her, and pushed me into the sitting-room, wiped her bloody +quim, and changed her things. She could not find Camille's night-gowns, +her own were dirty, so she put on one of Camille's beautiful chemises, +and over it the white robe. What a difference that entry of my prick +had made: twelve hours before, a refusal to let me put on a garter, a +struggle, a fight to do it; now my hand rested tranquilly on the smooth +thighs, whilst she listened to the pleasures I meant to have with her. +I drew her towards the bedroom, pulled off her boots and stockings, her +robe, then her chemise, and she got into bed naked, and I with her. It +was a hot night, cuddling was close work; lying by her side, my mouth to +hers, my belly to hers, my doodle pressed close into her thighs, my +hand on her bum, our legs touching their whole length, I was talking of +fucking, and she listening lewdly. What a difference! I guided her hand +to my prick; oh! my delight in that, and hers! how quietly it laid where +I placed it.--then under my balls, her hand was quite full of them, and +there it lay, then again round my pego. Again it was beginning to swell, +she lay with her long black hair floating on the pillow, her eyes closed +in baudy reverie. "You have got my prick in your hand, it has been in +your cunt and spent in it." She moved her head close to mine and kissed, +my cock stood stiff at once. + +I closed to her, feeling every part of her body, excepting that which +I had just injured. That came in now for its share: thrusting one knee +between her legs I lifted hers so as to leave room for my hand between +them. She prayed me not, she was sore, ill, it hurt her. Hurt her? I +longed to hurt her, knew I was going to give her pain whilst I lied +saying that no pain more would she feel, and then with a little gentle +force, my finger slipping over her clitoris, I felt the cunt-hole +gently, went up it, she wincing and moving her bum in an inciting +manner, then up her orifice went my cock again, amidst murmurs and +prayers to leave her alone, a glorious fuck. + +Then I dozed, dropping off on one side from her sweet firm body; but +excitement would not let me sleep, I kept awaking as fast as I fell +asleep, a burning heat pervaded my penis, my mind dwelt on the day's +work, her limbs were close to mine, cunt in reach of my fingers, smell +of her body in my nostrils. The lights were out, she was slumbering with +quiet regular breath. Up came my prick again, my fingers slid between +the cunt-lips, felt the signs of my last pleasure, she awakened. "Oh! +don't." She was ill, sore, very sore, I was unkind; but what woman can +refuse the cock which has just wetted her. Now was a prolonged fuck; +then overcome with fucking, worn with excitement, I fell sound asleep. + +When I awakened the sun-light struggling through the red curtains cast +a pink tint over every thing. We had slept eight hours, were laying rump +to rump, naked and touching, for after much fucking, the fondest lovers +turn their arses to each other. What a sight she was as she lay on one +side, as sound asleep as a top, there had been but a sheet over us, that +was off, and she was naked. She had a pretty foot, the leg was perfect, +thighs and bum thinner than Camille's back-side, and thighs taken on +fullness at later age, or after one or two years good fucking which +serves quite as well; her breasts were superb, firmer and handsomer than +Camille's. On one side I saw the black crisp hair which shaded her seat +of pleasure; on the other I could, by putting my head on the bed, just +see the dark hair creeping between her bum-cheeks, her flesh had the +slightly brown tint common to French women; on the bed lay rounds of +spunk mixed with blood, a smear of it was on her thigh on the bum-side. +My prick rose again to stiffness at the sight, I wanted to piss +violently, but could scarcely accomplish it. I looked at my shirt tail. +Spunk and blood were thick on it, I found under the bed her chemise; on +it profusely were the bloody seminal marks of her virginity. I felt a +pain in my prick, and found the foreskin a little raw. I had paid for +hurting her by hurting myself; but what did that matter; I was the first +that had been up that cunt, had torn it open, my spunk was in her then, +the bloody indications were all around me. I awakened her. + +She looked at me, then conscious that she was naked, clawed up the +sheet; in a minute I was close to her. She went across to her own room +to piddle, then into bed again she got, and in spite of her I put it +into her. I felt the cunt tightening, looked at her: her manner was +different, I felt her clasping me, she was doing it involuntarily, +her breath came quickly, she was spending as my spunk came, her first +pleasure with me; all before had been pain,--I knew that. + +Then was more fucking, then she made coffee, we had eggs, bread and +butter, again to bed, and more fucking. We went without luncheon, +spending the entire day in bed, feeling, kissing, cuddling, fucking, +and sleeping. We were both worn out, and perhaps might not have got up, +excepting that I had to dress, to go downstairs, and then felt hungry, +so we both dressed, went to the same place as the day previously, had +a jolly good dinner as fast as we could and directly it was over went +back. I kept my finger on her cunt when in the cab, both going and +coming; the instant we returned we went to bed (it had not been made), +and fucked, and fucked, and fucked, and then slept a dozen hours without +awaking. A lovely time it was. + +Next day I was used up, I never could accomplish the wonderful fucking +bouts I have heard men brag about, but dare say in those thirty hours +I had fucked her twelve times. She was very tired with it, and was so +sore; I was also sore, my prick had slightly bled, the foreskin +was torn, and through that fucking bout my prepuce was easier ever +afterwards, I could pull it down better than I could before I had torn +open her virginity. + +The difference between the ways of a woman and man towards each other +after they have fucked is wonderful. On a previous night a woman may +have refused his kisses, and his embraces, and revolted at his hands +touching her quim. He although longing for her, eager to join his body +to hers, may have been timid, cautious in his language, hesitating in +action, and until passion got full sway, might as soon of thought of +putting out his doodle, and attempting to force it up her, as of +trying it on his aunt. But what a change a night has made: they sit +at breakfast he with satisfaction on his face as he looks at her and +thinks, that her most secret parts have not been strangers to him, has +felt between her thighs, the lips hitherto untouched by man, has been up +her cunt, and spent inside it the essence of his blood. "She has given +me pleasure, I have given her pleasure." She looks at him wondering how +she came to allow it, how she forgot her resolves, there need be no more +disguise, nor hindrance in the way of their pleasures, of the pleasures +she first tasted with him; all that she has been taught to hold most +sacred from man he has seen, felt, kissed, pierced, violated, and wetted +in. The virginity she prided herself on he has destroyed, she no longer +shuns him, but is ready to comply with all his wishes, hopes he will +compel her soon to yield again. This is the work of a few hours, and as +she sits drinking her coffee opposite to him she thinks with him, what a +change has taken place. + +That was my state of mind with Louise. I had had virgins before without +pride in having them, they came in my way, but never had I sought them. +Two certainly had never been breached before, but it gave me no pride +nor special gratification. This woman I had thought and thought about +for months, coveted and paid for the sole pleasure of piercing her +hymen. I had now the delight of experience, of leaving my sperm where +man had never left it before. This girl of sufficient age, growth and +form, I had bored with difficulty and pain, to her and myself, she +had bled, I had bled, I had torn up her cuntal diaphram, had given her +sexual pleasure, had revelled in her body. Shirt, and chemise, spunk +and blood slobbered lay there. I was rested, she was fresh, and I sat +at breakfast with as much complacency and jollity as a man could; yet +beyond fucking, I felt that I did not care one damn about her, and even +felt sorry. I cannot explain why I felt that, but recollect it. + +We had seven days before Camille would return, in those days I more than +fulfilled my word to the girl, bought dresses, a ring, brooch, umbrella, +parasol, in fact I don't know what I did not give, and must have paid +fifty pounds; we dined out, went to theatres, ate, drank, and fucked +like blazes. + +French women when they have given themselves up to a man, do so with all +their heart and soul. One day as luncheon began to operate on her, she +nothing loth, she strong, healthy, and with passions roused, feeding +daily in a way she had been unaccustomed to, yielded freely to my +wishes. I placed her on the bed-side, threw up her chemise, kissed the +dark crisp hair of her motte; her thighs separated, her limbs went up, +and I saw the adorable vermillion gap, the ragged tear my penis had +made. It was a small cunt for so fine a woman. What enticed, and incited +me I don't know, I never shall know why dozens of women I have had I +never have done it to, but I was taken with the feeling now. I looked, +fingered, titillated, kissed it, out went my tongue; it played lightly +over the clitoris, then baudy frenzy seized me, and I licked and sucked +her cunt. She wriggled, scarce knowing what I was about, when pushing my +head away she cried out, "oh! mon Dieu, ah! quelle bete! aho!" + +I had never done it willingly but to Martha, now the letch seized me +furiously, every day afterwards I had my mouth to her, and when I was so +fucked out, that I could come no more, would lay and lick her till she +was worn out too with spending. + +We had indeed no other amusement than fucking, talking about it, eating, +drinking, and sleeping, which was to us all the charm of a honey-moon. +I think I see her now, making my cock stiff under my direction, her +amusement at pulling the prepuce up and down was great, I almost feel +her bum now as she used to sit on my knee, looking at the pictures in +the baudy book; we used to talk it over until we went to bed, and +eased our passions, what fun when we did not mind washing each other's +privates, as we did. + +We used to lay on the bed with my head between her thighs, licking her +quim, she playing with my prick, but I never put my pego into her mouth, +nor did she ever do more than kiss it. + +On the day but one before Camille returned, we went to bed, had a fuck, +then a second, her cunt felt funny, and I found her courses had come on, +or as she called them, her periods. There was an end of my fun, nor was +I sorry. Not having left her day or night, nor been to my lodgings, nor +to my mother's, I was fucked out, and so was she,--so that her reds came +on most opportunely. + +Next day we were duller, there was nothing in her to make her a +companion when not in amorous amusements. She became tiresome, and +annoyed me by putting on her things one after the other, all day long, +and asking me, how she looked in them, if she did not look better than +Madame. Then how to tell her mistress she had got the things? what to +do, if her mistress refused to let her wear them? how was I to see her +again? At length we resolved to tell rousing lies about everything,--my +behaviour was in fact most absurd. + +The following day, a letter came to say Camille would be home that +night. I took away my trunk and clothes, went to my virtuous lodgings; +it was a relief to be away from cunt for twenty-four hours, and I could +not bear a woman with her courses on. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + Camille at home.--Her little game.--My greenness.--The + house in O.. d. n street.--The glove shop.--Louise fatigues + me.--Fred on the scent.--A cigar shop.--Three into one.--A + clap.--Serious reflexions.--The sisters disappear. + +A day or two recruited me, I wrote to Camille who met me in the street, +she had sent the girl to the theatre with a friend, so I went indoors +with her. "Have you done it to her?" was the first question, as if she +did not know, I told her all. She questioned me with strong interest. I +gave her the fifty pounds. Then she asked me if Louise had told me where +she came from, and other questions, which I saw were put to see, if +Louise had told about their relationship. As we talked I looked at her, +comparing her with Louise, and saw the likeness stronger than ever. "Why +stare so?" she asked. When she had heard of all our bum frolics she gave +a sigh and said, "Well, if I had not brought her to London, she would +have gone to Paris with A------ (mentioning some French name), and have +had it done to her there,--so it comes to the same thing." + +Then suddenly, "Are you never going to have me again?" "No," I had +promised Louise. She looked amorously fascinating. "She won't know it, I +have never had it since I left." She was half reclining on the sofa, by +intention or chance her legs raised up on the sofa, one flat, the other +foot on its heel, exposing the recumbent limbs from foot to knee. "Do +now," said she. "No," but I moved from the chair to the end of the sofa, +and began stroking her leg with my hand. + +She lifted the clothes just above the knee. I saw the large thigh +nearly up to her quim, my hand involuntarily slipped higher, and began +smoothing the flesh just above the garter. "Do it now," said she falling +right on to her back. + +I thought of Louise, of my promise; I knew the look of both their +cunts,--of Camille's the best,--desired to see, to compare it. I had +been feeling Louise's cunt eight days, now thought I should like to feel +Camille's to feel the difference, I knew her cunt was looser, and more +hairy, her bum and thighs bigger, yet was I right in my comparison? my +cock got uneasy, I helped it to rise in my trowsers by giving it a push +outside. + +"I won't have her," I thought, "but there is no harm in feeling," and +began playing with the hair of her motte. "Your hair is longer than +Louise's." She laughed, "Do it, baisez-moi," said she. + +My fingers touched the slippery cunt, it was irresistible, the next +instant they were groping and feeling. "Your bum is bigger than +Louise's," I said. She laughed again. + +Sitting where I was, and playing at stink-finger, my position was +inconvenient. "Come up closer," said she. Then I sat by her hips, on +the sofa-edge, she lifted her clothes right up: there was the quim, the +jet-black bush, the fine round thighs, my cock was restive, my hands +wandering, she unbuttoned my trowsers, gave my prick a squeeze, sending +up the blood and completed my randiness. + +"Louise won't know, you shall kiss me," and she raised herself to throw +her arm over my shoulder. Like a young virgin who says, "no, no," whilst +she yields, I kept repeating "no, no". The thighs had opened, I was +pulling open the lips and trying to see the red inside; and still saying +"no," slid on to her, on to it, up it, and spent before I well knew what +I was about. "Oh! you are so quick," said she, "you have spoiled me, I +was just coming." + +She did not mean to be spoiled, trying her most baudy endearments, she +held me tight, caressed me, as a French woman knows how,--better than +any other. Forgetting Louise, my mind fell into its baudy dreams, I +fucked her again, and then she let me get up. + +And then to business. "What are you going to do for the girl?" she +asked. "Nothing, I have given her money and things worth about a hundred +pounds, and have paid you, when I have her again I shall give her +money." "You promised to do something more, if not what will become +of her?" I did then recollect, that she had made me promise, but had +attached no definite ideas to it. + +"I relied on you, or would never have brought her; are you going to keep +her, or let her be gay like me?" + +I did not like either; to keep her I had no intention, did not even like +the girl, though I liked plugging her. Said Camille, "We have had a row +already, she won't work, and says she will wear the clothes she has got, +although I have only seen a few of them." "What do you expect?" I +asked. "Set her up in business, selling gloves or perfumes, a small shop +somewhere." + +Not liking the aspect of affairs, I left, it was the first time such +propositions had been made to me. I felt inclined never to go near the +house again, but had promised Louise to be with her soon, and always +kept my word, so thought over the matter. + +Keeping her was out of the question, I had heard that men who kept +women, did so for other men; besides I had no idea of tieing myself up +that way. I was not pleased with her: a fine girl, a fine fuck, a fresh +woman who shivered with delight the instant the prick entered her, who +was randy-arsed enough to learn anything in the way of copulation; she +had been delightful to me eight days, and might for more; but she was +coarse, vulgar, and had not two ideas in her head, was evidently violent +tempered, and excessively vain. Set her up in business! why she had cost +me hundreds to get her, why should I? + +I could not make up my mind, and resolved never to go near her again; +but two days afterwards, that funny sense of fullness came over my +cock-knob, then the tingling, then the desire for cunt, then for +Louise's cunt, the ragged slit made by my cock was before my eyes, and +instead of quenching my wants in the channel of some other woman, I went +there. Camille was just outside the door, and we conversed together in +G.. d.n Sq.... + +She suggested my seeing Louise alone, and paying her (Camille) as I had +done before. I did not mean to submit to that restraint, nor to keep +her, but let her go her own way. "What does it matter, she must know you +will find it all out, so why not at once?" I said. + +"If she knows that I know it, I must turn her out" ("I don't think +you would turn your sister out," I thought), "then I must put her into +lodgings, and she will be gay." "I can't help that." We came to no +conclusion, I left her, went to the door, rang, and Louise opened it. +She kissed and hugged me in the passage, a minute afterwards she was +on my knee grasping my prick, my fingers were on her cunt, our lips +together; in another with tongues lapping together I was up her; in two +or three minutes more we were quiet. + +(I should so like to experience the feeling a woman has as she sits and +talks with her cunt full of sperm, does it feel so very pleasant sitting +so?) She poured out her griefs, Camille had asked questions, who had +been there? how did she get the bonnet, the new boots? she had refused +to tell anything, Camille had said she had better go. "Why not tell +Camille?" I said, "if she did not like it she might lump it, as far as I +was concerned;" but the girl was evidently afraid,--or was it sham? + +Next day I wrote to Louise who met me, and I took her to a house into +which I had never been before. For three weeks I met her on writing +to her, and we spent hours together. She now had frequent rows with +Camille, each time she came to meet me she put on more of her new +things; at first she only came with a dress, then with the bonnet and +something else, and at last with all the finery; she looked a handsome +swell, but a vulgar one. I ceased paying Camille. + +One night she said Madame had had no one visit her for a long time, nor +was she much out but often was all night, where she went she did not +know; there was one man who came, a gentleman, she thought he was a +lover of Camille's. + +We came out of the house in -------- street one night after a surfeit of +voluptuous pleasures, when a woman stepped across the road, and lifted +up her veil. "Oh! my God, it's Madame," said Louise, and she got right +at the back of me where I stood. "So," said Camille, "I have found you +out, you have been in a baudy house with my old friend." She burst into +a laugh, turned, and went away without saying another word. + +I don't know what actuated me in my course of conduct, at that time I +knew well what I did, but my reasons are not so clear, I cared nothing +whether Louise knew that her mistress or sister knew I had had her, yet +I did not go to the house, firstly because Camille wished me not, unless +she was out, and it did not suit me to be waiting for a girl who was +burning to let me have her, and also because Louise was in a funk when +I was with her in the house, and Camille was out. I was convinced they +were sisters, and had a glimmering, that Camille would not like Louise +to know she had been got for me by her; yet I thought that it must be +found out. + +As Camille walked away Louise began to cry, I could not get a word from +her; we walked up and down A... street, she was frightened to go home, +we went back to the baudy house, and there we slept. The next day we +stopped there, and I went home with her,--Camille was within. + +"So you have been to a baudy house?" said she, "so you have been fucked, +fucked by my friend; you are a nice one to speak ill of other people." +"I am not a whore," said Louise taking cheek. "Ain't you?" said Camille, +"I don't know that." "Say I am a whore, and I'll hit you," said Louise +going up to her. "Have it out by yourselves, I am not going to stop for +a row," said I, "Camille be good to the girl." "If I had not brought her +from France she would not be what she is." What was I going to do with +her? "Nothing." "Then the sooner Louise went out the better." + +Louise sat down, and began silently crying. I hate to see a woman cry, +and always had one remedy,--could champagne be fetched? Mother Boileau +condescended to fetch some. We drank, I got communicative, and began to +tell Camille. She cut me short, wanted to know nothing, we had been in +a baudy house together, it was enough. What was I going to do? the girl +would no longer work, and she was going into other lodgings, I might +take hers for Louise if I liked. + +It gradually shaped itself to this: I was to take the lodgings, Camille +to stay rent free, a servant to be got, but one particular friend only +was ever to visit Camille there; Louise took Camille's bed-room, Camille +Louise's, I had in fact the pleasure of keeping both. The next night I +slept with Louise in Camille's bed, slept there several times, and +one morning Camille said, "You have got the girl with child, I quite +expected it." + +This annoyed me. I had been getting tired for some time, did not like +the girl, who became so jealous of Camille, wanted so much admiration, +that she quite fatigued me. She wanted to walk in the streets to be +admired. I had given her more clothes, she got careless, wanted to go +to theatres, and I took her. The Argyle was just opened, and I took +her there, she wanted me to go there often. I had seen one or two other +women I lusted for, but above all wanted to go to France with Fred who +had returned from India; so her being in the family way bothered me. I +got it into my head, that it was a plant, and took her to my friend the +doctor who said it was a fact. + +Camille asked me to meet her in G.. d. n Sq.. e, for convenience I took +her to the baudy house; she had got mighty particular, made me go in +first, and came in afterwards with her veil down,--she always now wore +a veil. She again asked me what I was going to do. She had got the girl, +and was sorry for it, at length she said, "I am going to be married, go +into business, and will take her with me, if you will help, or I will +get her home again to France, if you will give her money." I agreed to +think of it. + +We sat on a sofa. As I looked at her I began to feel a desire for her. +"Let us have a kiss," said I, "for old acquaintance sake." "No," said +she, "I am going to be married, am perhaps watched, am frightened of +being here. I expect my friend back from abroad daily, he may have come +back now. Madame Boileau knows him, I must be careful." + +But how can a woman resist a man who has had her often, who knows every +crack and cranny of her body, has looked at her motte long enough to +count every hair on it, a few rubs on her clitoris, and back she fell +on the sofa. We were both dressed, but plunging up her, and grasping +her ample rump, I was soon enjoying her; when thinking of Louise, and +I suppose comparing her mentally, I said in the height of my pleasure, +"Oh! I like fucking you better than your sister after all," or something +to that effect. + +"What?" said she with a start as her cunt clipped, and jerked my prick +out. Cursing, and damning at my interruption I drove it up again, and +consummated. + +"What did you say about being like my sister?" said she as I still +lay with my doodle up her, "what sister?" I replied she looked so like +Louise, that she must be her sister. "But she is not, although she is +like me." Then the matter dropped, and she slopped her cunt clean. I +used to like a woman whom I knew not to wash it, when I was going to +fuck her again, Camille had humored me in this, and as my lust came on +for my second poke, used to bring my amatory pastime by looking at the +cunt with my pleasure signs on it. So Camille washing astonished me. "I +am going to be married, and must," said she. + +We had more fucking before we left. She was all anxiety about Louise, +for I would say nothing. "You will never see me here again," said she, +"nor have me again, and may do with Louise what you like, I shan't be +here, you will throw her on the town". Then she veiled closely, and made +me go out first. I waited at the top of the street ten minutes, out she +came, veil down, and shot off in the direction of G..d.n sq..e like an +arrow. + +I now with perversity longed for Camille, instead of Louise, but never +had her afterwards, never sent my tallow up her, although I tried once +or twice. + +I began going about elsewhere, sleeping with Louise at times; but she +was always pestering me about being in the family way, which annoyed +me; and wanted such a lot of ballocking, that that annoyed me also. My +cousin Fred wanted me to go to Paris with him, Louise said I was going +to forsake her. One night after dining with her, coming out we met my +cousin Fred, nothing put him off, and he would walk with us. The next +day he said in his old unchaste way, which some years in India had not +improved, "So that is the woman your mother says she fears has got hold +of you." It was the first time I had heard, that my mother had any such +suspicion, for although she had spoken to me about my wildness, she had +never referred to a woman; but she had told my aunt, who told my cousin +my mother was awfully astonished. For that six years I had shagged all +our servants under her very nose, yet she had not the faintest suspicion +of it, my pranks now coming to her ears, shocked her extremely. I told +Fred, that I had had Louise's first, to which he replied, that he should +like to rattle his stones against her arse. "Is she a good fuck? where +does she live?" I did not mean his stones to knock against her arse as +long as mine did, I replied, "Oh! you are fond of her then?" "No, but +I preferred her to myself." "Lord, what does it matter?" said he, "white +women are scarce in India, there was one that all in my regiment were +fond of, there was not an officer who did not stroke her, none of us +minded; we say 'the more a cunt's buttered, the better it grinds.'" I did +not see it in that light, so with the remark from him, that she was a +damned fine piece, we parted. + +Two or three days afterwards he spoke of her again, said he knew where +she lived, so I thought he was hunting after her which annoyed me; not +seeing that if he had got into her, I could have left her with good +excuse. + +I had tried to learn from Louise if she knew where Camille went all +day, but could learn nothing, one night in bed with her however, whilst +handling each other's privates, and under the sympathy generated by the +rub of my fingers on her clitoris; she on my solemn promise of secrecy, +told me that an old friend of Camille's had opened a glove and lace shop +in O. f..d street. I saw a small shop, there was a Frenchman in it whose +face I seemed to know. I waited near it one night, and saw Camille leave +the shop closely veiled, and take the best way towards G..d.n sq..e. +Madame Boileau was like an oyster I could get nothing out of her, +although she took my money. I was sure that Camille went to the shop +daily, or nearly so, and as no man came to the house, suppose she got +her cunt plugged in the shop parlour. + +Afterwards Fred talked so much about Louise, that I said I kept her. +"There are two there, do you keep both?" "Yes." "Then you are a fool, +you can't be sure of one woman's cunt if you are not with her always, +but two together are sure to make a couple of whores,--no wonder your +tin goes so fast." + +Meanwhile I went out with him of a night, and we had different women. +One night three of us went to a cigar-shop kept by two women just by +------ it was not an unusual thing then for two to have a cigar-shop, +with a big sofa in a back parlour, one keeping shop whilst the other +fucked. From talking we got to business without intending it. Fred began +joking the girls, we went into the back parlour, and had wine, one +asked my cousin if he did not want to lie down and rest himself. He said +"yes," but wanted warmth to his belly when he rested. "You may have my +belly to warm you," said she. "What here?" "Oh! they can wait," said the +girl, "and your quiet friend can find his tongue with my sister" (the +other girl). I had not spoken, being at times timid at first with a +woman, and especially a gay one. + +We said jokingly, that we had no money. "I will take you all for a +sovereign," said she, "and the one who I say is the best poke shall give +me another half-sovereign." It was agreed, we tossed up for the order of +the fucking, two went outside while the other had his pleasure. My turn +came last, the excitement in thinking of what was going on made me in +such a state, that I was no sooner up her than I spent; when I went +out the other girl said. "You have been in a hurry." My cousin was +pronounced the best fucker. Whilst the strumming was going on in the +parlour, people bought cigars, and tobacco--for it was really sold +there,--little did they guess the fun going on behind that rod curtain +of the shop-parlour. + +A night or so after I slept with Louise, I felt uneasy in the tip of my +prick, and saw unmistakably that it was the clap. It was not Louise's +gift, for great was her surprise when I saw her twice afterwards, and +never attempted to have her. She was annoyed, and said she supposed I +had another friend, and put herself in such luscious attitudes, that +I got a cock-stand, and could scarcely resist putting it up her, but +saying I was ill went away. Fred said he should go to Paris without me, +I was to join him in a fortnight. What with being indifferent to Louise, +annoyed with her randiness, her vulgarity, and temper, being in fact +tired of her and the expense, and now having the clap, I determined to +break off; so wrote to Camille to meet me. + +I told her I had the clap. "I thought there was something wrong," said +she, "but Louise I can swear has never had any other man than you, take +her to any doctor you like." Then she told me, that in three weeks she +meant to leave England, and Louise must do the best she could, she had +taken means to bring on the girl's courses, would I send her back to +France, or must she go gay in London. + +I could not bear the idea of the girl being gay, so agreed to give her +money to take her abroad with her, and she accepted. By her advice I +wrote to Louise, said I had the clap, and feared I had given it to her, +that she would not forgive me I was sure, and so never meant to see her +again. + +I sent a cheque to Louise, it passed through my bankers, and suppose the +girl had it. Then went to Paris, my illness kept to me, so returned to +London, got a little better, longed for Louise, stood opposite the house +one night, nearly crossed over to have her, but resisted, and seeing a +nice woman in Regent street went home with her. I was so impatient, that +I pushed her to the side of the bed directly I was in the room, felt +for her cunt, and spent in her in a minute, she had not taken her bonnet +off. My spending hurt me, my doctor had told me I could go with a woman +without fear of injuring her, but that for my own sake I had better +abstain. She got up, and took off her bonnet, to see if lying down had +hurt it. "I'll have you again," said I. "Let me wash, you've spent such +a lot, it's all running down my thighs." Again I fucked her; and next +morning my ailment came back. My doctor said it served me right. + +Shortly after "lodgings to let" was posted up in Camille's windows, on +calling, Madame Boileau came to the door. The two women had left, +the shop in Oxford street was shut up, and I never heard of the women +afterwards. + +I am astonished now, that I was wheedled out of so much money for a +French virgin. How I could have done much that I did makes me now laugh, +I must have been very green, and Camille very cunning; but I was also +rich, and generous, which accounts for much. I see now how largely I was +humbugged, but cannot explain or reason about it. I am telling facts as +they occurred, as far as I recollect them, it is all I can do. Certainly +I had a splendid full-grown virgin for my money, the toughest virginity +I yet have taken, a regular cock-bender, and had an uninterrupted +honey-moon. Camille was a most superior harlot, genteel, clever, and +voluptuous, such as are not usually found; with her and her findings I +had a year's enjoyment, leaving me lav, blaze, and a half-cured clap. +What with women, horses, carriages, cards, dinners, and other items, I +was a few thousands poorer than at the beginning of my acquaintance with +Camille. + +It's my fate to have sisters,--how curious I--and thrice to have had the +clap, and yet not three-and-twenty,--how hard! + +I was very much used up, and needed rest for body and mind; never had +I been so much so before. Up to the time of getting my fortune want +of money curbed my lascivious tastes, and although I had servant after +servant in my mother's house, the difficulties of getting them, gave +me frequent rests, and prevented me generally from exhausting myself; +perhaps I got just enough fucking to keep me in health. The year's +rioting with Camille and her troupe, would have tried a strong man; +I never counted them, but think, that in that year I must have poked +something like sixty, or seventy different women, I poked everyone of +Ca-mille's acquaintances, I am sure,--so it was time I had a rest. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + Enforced chastity.--A stricture.--Health restored.--Mrs. + Pender.--A peep from a hay-stack.--In a cow-house.--Stable + and barn.--Mother's satisfaction. + +My clap brought on a stricture, obliging me to have a bougie passed +every other day to stretch the pipe often, and causing me to piss clots +of gruelly blood, about an hour afterwards. I dared not fuck, but once +frigged, and it brought on the inflammatory stage again. At length I +got better, but with a gleet which wetted the tail of my shirt through +daily; doctors advised me to get a change of air, I went to my aunt's +place in H..tf..dshire where I took cold baths, and did all I could to +get myself well,--I was forbidden to touch a woman until permitted by +the doctor. + +Touch women I did not, think of them I did eternally, and deplored the +time that I was wasting. I used to look at my female cousins, and long +for them; my aunt whose flabby, brown-haired, thick-lipped furrow I +glanced at in my boyhood I used to think about and should not have +hesitated in getting a pleasure up it, had no other cunt been ready for +me. I eyed the farm-women (coarse, strong, healthy bitches) with lust +that made them look beauties in my longing eyes, I was boiling over +with spunk, at the closet one day my turds were hard, and hurt me; the +irritation affected my ballocks, my prick stiffened rigidly, I could +not piss for it, the tip looked dry, as if gleet had ceased, I merely +touched the top (not frigged), and out shot my sperm as I sat on the +privy seat. What a relief! but what a loss of pleasure not to have +injected into some dear little cunt nicked in some smooth white bum! My +prick seemed quite well, and I wanted to go into the fields to get hold +of some girl doing field-work, or any woman, old or young, who had a +cunt available; so I went to town to see my medical man about it. He +pointed out to me how needful it was to restrain myself, I followed his +advice, in two weeks was much better, and had determined to go to town +to see him again about it, when I got well without him. + +Some years before I had seen a farm-girl whose name was Pender, a fine +lass with a merry face, and lightish brown hair; she must then I suppose +have been about seventeen years old. From ogling and laughing, I got to +kissing, with that she was pleased enough, and often I think put herself +in my way to get it; a pinch on the bum she did not resent. Thinking all +safe, I one day poked her near to her notch, and she only saying, "Adun +now sir, do," my hand went up her petticoats, I struggled with her, and +we both fell on the grass near a barn, when my fingers touched her cunt. +She set up a yell, my fingers were stained with her monthlies (not the +only time that has occured in my life), she sat for a minute crying, +then walked away, leaving me in fear lest she should tell my aunt. +She never did, but avoided me, and would not look me in the face. When +older, I only thought of her when there, or when my memory ran back on +the quims I had touched in my then short career. + +Having now nothing to do, but to read, and idle about, I was wandering +in the farm, fields, stable, cow-houses, everywhere, and soon knew all +the faces on the estate. Among them was Pender, still so named, she +having then been married about a year to a man bearing her own maiden +name, and was then about twenty-three years old; a tall, strapping +woman, with a bum as big as a washing-tub; brown she was from working in +the sun, but fucking regularly as I supposed had cleared her complexion, +she was a good, comely country-woman. Our eyes met, both at the instant +thought of the day when I got my fingers red up her petticoats; she +curtsied, and blushed, I laughed with a baudy look I expect, and said, +"Well you still here." + +I spoke to her again on other days, her husband worked on the farm, and +she was dairy-woman. Whenever I saw her my prick stood, and I avoided +her, for fear of an erection increasing my gleet. + +There was hay-making,--lolling about with a book I went to look on, it +was at one or two fields off from a large rick-yard which was near +to the farm buildings. There was a half-made hay-stack with a ladder +against it, up which without any object I went idly, and laying down +went on reading. It became cloudy, the headman calling out said, "We'll +have rain, cut off all on yer, and get the hay up into cocks, yes +you,--you,--yes you too" (I did not know who he was talking to.) Men and +women crossed the rick-yard, and went off in the distance, Pender was +one, and was well ahead, when he called out, "You had better get the +dairy-work done though." She turned, and coming slowly back stood still +a moment, then comfortably squatted, and pissed. + +I laying half buried in the hay was not visible to her, but seeing her +piddling, raised myself, and looked. + +As she finished she gave her clothes that usual hitch against her cunt, +looked up, and saw me, turned round quickly, went away from the yard, +and then as if she had forgotten, turned round with her head hanging +down, and came through the rick-yard. I slipped from the stack, and met +her at the foot of it,--we were surrounded with stacks. + +Her face was red. "A comfortable piddle you had," said I stopping her. +"Adun sir," said she. "A kiss, for old acquaintance," snatching one. "I +am married," said she. "Don't care, so much the merrier, it's not so +wet as it was, when I felt it some years ago?" "Oh I lawk don't, I'm +married." + +We had moved a little, were by the hay-stack then making, a heap of hay +had fallen as they had lifted it from cart to the stack. I closed with +her, kissing and hugging, gave her a push, and we both tumbled into +a sitting position together on the heap, she half laughing, half +resisting; then kissing her, suggesting pleasure, pulling out my prick, +seeing a thick pair of legs in dark stockings, big thighs, a belly, some +brown hair at the bottom of it, I felt cool flesh, a wet warm split, and +was on her, up her, and spent in her. + +I came to myself with a tingling aching sensation inside my prick, the +stiffness, and spending had hurt the urethra which had been split by the +bougie. I had a notion that blood must be coming, and still stiff pulled +it out of her; the little lingering sperm on the tip looked all right, +she had not spent, for I don't think I could have shoved more than once +before I had emitted my semen. I threw myself on her to put into her +again, but she baulked me. "Oh! now for God's sake if my husband caught +us there would be murder," but I was burning with want, it was more than +two months since I had clutched a woman's backside, and spent up a cunt. +Furiously I pulled her back, rolled over her, and fingered her; she rose +spite of me, and went off. "Pray don't come with me, we may be seen, I +wouldn't for the world we were seen coming out the rick-yard together." + +A minute's reflection made me wiser. I got upon the hay-rick again, saw +men and women in the hay-field a long distance off, I called out +names of one or two I knew,--no one answered, went into the farm-yard, +hollowed there, no one answered, thence went into the cow-house,--there +was she milking. + +I stood by the cows, pulled my prick out, begged her to let me do it +again, talked all the baudiness I could, reminded her of when first I +wetted my fingers in her red-stained cunt, lifted up the cow's tail, +swore if she did not let me I would put my prick up the cow. It was +funny to see a woman whose cunt was full of sperm pulling vigorously +at a cow's teats, whilst a man with his prick exposed was holding up +a cow's tail showing its cacked arse, and not too clean cunt. What +absurdity will not a lewd man do? + +"I must get this done, I am frightened, we shall be seen, we shall be +caught," said she. I dropped on my knees, and as she went on milking, +put my fingers up her petticoats, the slit was wet with my leavings. I +pulled her face towards me to kiss, whilst she kept tugging at the cow's +teats. + +When the cow was dry she took the pail across the yard to the dairy, +emptied it, and came back, looking in all directions, called out some +name, but all were at the hay-making, heavy drops of rain were falling. + +"Come to the stable," said I, and laying hold of her pulled her in that +direction. + +I partly coaxed, partly pulled her, she looked uneasily round the +farm-yard, and we entered the cowshed. At one end of it was a cart-horse +stable, close to that a large barn. With arm round her I led her towards +the barn, there was straw and hay there; but in the stable in the first +empty stall was a heap of fresh straw. I pushed her down on to it, the +next instant I was fucking her, and what a fuck! I shall recollect it to +the last day of my life, it was delicious. It was two months since I had +had a woman; here was a stout, fat-arsed, hard-fleshed, healthy country +woman; rough, dirty with work, but whose thighs were white, and whose +cunt was a clipper, who was randy, had every capability of giving a +man delight. No highly fed woman clad in silks and satins, could have +ministered to me as she did, as replying to my thrusts her cunt sucked +my prick up her, and we spent together. + +I raised myself up without uncunting; the straw rustling and crushing +under us, too excited to lay still, after I had spent. She lay in quiet +enjoyment, till putting down one hand to feel round our bellies, I +roused her, then she wriggled, and out slipped my cock. "I must get up, +for God's sake let me." + +We got up. I don't suppose that more than twenty minutes had passed +between my first, and my second poke, still my prick remained stiff. She +went quickly to the cow-shed, put down the milking-stool, sat down and +began again tugging at a cow's teats, I again standing by her side with +my privates hanging outside my trowsers. + +I wanted to see her limbs, to feel her breasts. The idea of her cunt +squeezing out its moisture on to her chemise as she sat on the stool, +the desire to see every part of her, that irresistible want to see all, +feel all, and satisfy every sense which springs up in the mind of a +man when a woman has satisfied his voluptuousness for the first time +overcame me. She tugged at the teats. "Oh! go, pray do,--I won't,--you +shant,--ye've done me over.--oh! if you are seen here what will be +said?--don't now get a poor woman into trouble, the milking must be +done, if it's not what shall I say?" and tug, tug, went both hands +milking. + +Said I, No one would come back until they had raked up the hay out of +harm from the rain. She knew better. "Yes they will if they are kept +late, some one will go to the Hall for beer, and they come back through +the rick-yard for cans; go away for God's sake." I went back to the +rick-yard, and saw a man coming as she had said, did not know which way +to make off, but the hay-stacks helped me, and I dodged up to the Hall; +it was about three minutes only from the farm-yard, and led to it by a +lovely shady walk. + +Female servants only were in the house, even my aunt and cousins had +gone to the hay-meadow; soon a man emerged from the Hall with two huge +cans in his hands: it was Pender's husband. He went off with them filled +I suppose. I walked across the lawn and pleasure-gardens which the +fields surrounded, saw him in the distance, then made my way to +the cow-house again. "He's gone." "I have been so frightened," said +she,--but did not say it was her husband. She was still at the cows +teats. + +I would not be repulsed, nearly upset a pail of milk, and swore I would +have her again. She refused, prayed me, then promised she would, if I +would let her take the milk into the dairy. Permitting it, she stayed +a few minutes, then out she came, looked all round, again called out a +name before entering the stable. The next minute we were on the straw, +my hand between her thighs. "You have washed your cunt," said I. "I did +it in the dairy," said she. + +I had a grope, tickled her clitoris, got my mouth on to her belly, my +lips outside her cunt, we fucked, and again she went to her cow's teats. +All this was in broad day-light, although evening was coming on. + +She finished milking. "I ought to go to the hay," said she; but I would +not let her, held her back, and swore if she went I would follow her. +"What have I done?" said she, "I must be mad." Then she took as was her +custom, milk up to the Hall, I awaited her return, looking at my cock +from which to my delight, all signs of gleet had gone. + +For some time I had had mostly gay women, this was a return to old +times. It was pleasant to have a fuck on the sly, with a woman who +showed real pleasure, who shivered with delight, and grasped me like a +vice. Besides there was the stinging element of adultery. I laughed +to myself at the idea of her husband's prick going up where I had been +three times; my prick began to stiffen, and then droop, then rise again. +I felt sure that, at the feel of her quim I should be all right. "If I +can once get it up her, once feel her cunt-lips closing round it, get a +good clip round her buttocks, I am sure I can fuck her again before they +come back from the hay-field," thought I gently frigging my cock, and +looking through a crack in the door. + +She came back. I went at her in the cow-house; the only immediate fear +now was that a servant might come from the Hall. To make the story +short, I got her into the barn, where the light was less; and she let me +do more as I liked. I had a look at a thick brown-haired motte, a belly, +and a pair of white round thighs a duchess might have been proud of, +I kissed her cunt, and fumbling about from her navel to her arse-hole, +fucking her with a long lingering fuck which left us both silent, and +enervated. My cock lingered up her as I lay quiet, squeezing my belly up +to hers, my lips still against her rosy mouth, and said, "You will have +a boy this day nine months." + +And she did have a boy that day nine months. A second time that prophecy +had come true alas! + +With a kiss we parted; men were returning from the fields. I got to the +Hall. At dinner my aunt said, "Walter you should have given us help, all +should help hay-making, when rain comes on; but you are too lazy; what +have you been doing?" "Dear aunt, I have been reading steadily ever +since." Said she, "How fond of reading you are for a young man of your +age; how you can like to be so much alone, as you have been lately I +cannot imagine, it would be better if you took more exercise." She did +not know the condition my cock had been in. And my mother was delighted +at my being in the country, thinking I was getting steadier, and away +from bad company. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + Aunt at the dairy.--Morning amusements with Pender.--Female + hay-makers.--Mrs. Whiteteeth.--An exhibition of cock.-- + Against a field-gate.--A night on the grass.--A sight from + the barn-loft.--Robert the page.--Molly. + +I could scarcely sleep that night. Pender seemed to me the most +delicious woman I had ever poked. What if excitement had brought back +the clap! what if I had clapped her! I had never after the clap had a +woman until the doctor said I might. When I awakened, to my joy my prick +was as dry as a bone; a woman was what I had wanted to complete my cure. +The next minute my prick was stiff as I thought of Pender's charms. + +It was a lovely morning, every available hand in house and farm was sent +off to scatter the hay which on the previous night had been heaped up, +Mrs. Pender excepted, whose dairy duty kept her at the farm. I caught +her in the cow-house to her astonishment, for it could not have been +more than six A.M. To rush up to her, and kiss her was instantaneous. +She repulsed my wandering hands. "Oh! sir, don't now,--no never, never +again (married women always say that), Missus will be coming,--no +never,--I'm a married woman,--now pray,--you shant." I got her back up +against a wall, my hand on her fringe, my mouth pressed to hers; how +was it possible to resist? At ten paces was the stable, and the friendly +hay. What a ballocking I gave her, with the summer sun shining through a +window on to us, as we lay together in the early morning. + +She sat down to milking with her cunt full of me. "They be all up at the +hay," said she, "but Missus comes every fine morning to the dairy (that +was true), she won't be here for an hour; but if she were, what would I +do? my husband will be back, he'll take breakfast to the fields, to save +time, in chance of wet again coming on. Oh! do go." There was certainly +all those chances. Off I went across the rick-yard, round the belt of +trees which skirted the house and gardens, so that I seemed to enter +from the opposite side to that where Pender sat milking. + +"Is my aunt up?" "No sir, she won't be down till seven o'clock when +she goes to the dairy." I took a book, sat down till the servant +disappeared, then running by the path soon to be described, was in two +minutes in the farm-yard. Pender was in the dairy, resistance was vain, +and with her back up against the dairy wall we fucked. I cut back to the +house, and sat outside reading. Soon after aunt appeared. + +Said she, "What is the matter, that you are up so early?" (I usually was +asleep at that hour.) "I could not sleep, dear aunt." "It would do you +good if you always got up early, come with me to the dairy." In five +minutes aunt and I were there. Lord, how Pender looked when she saw us +together! + +Aunt took pleasure in her farm. Every morning if well she walked down to +it, saw how many eggs had been laid, and if butter-making, etc., went on +rightly. Pender attended, whilst aunt with spectacles on was looking at +the cream-pans, and asking questions, I looking as if deeply interested +in the matter, was pinching Pender's bum as she stood besides my aunt. +"How hot you are Pender," said my aunt looking at the woman. "It is +hot ma'am," she replied, perspiration streaming down her face. How very +uncomfortable she looked. + +At breakfast aunt said, "What do you think Walter has been to the dairy +with me." "Lor'!" said my lady cousins, "that is wonderful; he to get +up so early!" "Have you had that dairy-maid long, aunt?" "Why don't +you recollect she was housemaid here once?" "No." Then aunt told the +history, which till then I did not know. + +At the time of my unsuccessful attempt at a feel, she was engaged to +a young man; they quarrelled, he left the village to go for a soldier, +came back; again a quarrel, and again off he went. After a time he wrote +to say, he meant to marry another girl. Pender was in great grief. Just +then a head-man on the estate, about fifty-five years old, offered her +marriage, and in a reckless state of mind, she accepted him. Directly +afterwards her sweetheart came back, his statement was a false-hood, +told to try her. It was too late, and he went to America. "She is a very +nice, steady woman," said aunt, "they lead a quiet life, but I don't +think she is very happy, twenty-three and fifty-five are not a good +match." + +Food was sent to some of the farm-laborers at a meadow half-a-mile off. +I had the pleasure of seeing my cousins, aunt, and two of the female +servants in big straw hats, go off to the field. They thought haymaking +good fun. I promised to join them, and directly they were out of sight +cut off to Pender, dodged all round the rick-yard to see if I was alone, +and found her tranquilly churning butter. The stable still appeared +the best place. Thither we went, and for the first time quietly, so to +speak, I saw the article, and all its surroundings, which had given me +several pleasures; and after fucking her I went to join my aunt, as I +had promised her. + +I had soon enough of hay-making myself, so laid down in the shade +watching the hay-makers (nearly all women). As they moved along in rows, +lewd thoughts occupied my mind. One biggish woman attracted my notice by +her magnificent white teeth; looking at her short petticoats, and thick +legs, lewdness increased to a cock-stand. I stared so as she approached +me, that she could not fail to notice it. "It's hot," said I. "It be +sir." She stooped with her bum towards me, and lying down as I was, I +saw nearly to her knees. "What would I give," I thought, "to be close up +to your bum-cheeks." Dirty linen, dirty clothes, sweaty flesh, none of +those objections occured to me. Then I moved farther up the field to get +nearer, for working along the ridges, they had got away from my resting +place, and again laid down reading a newspaper. I covered my lap with +it, feeling my prick beneath it, then I pulled my prick out (what +risk!), and just as she heading the file of women came towards me, and +began turning round; I again spoke to her. She stopped, the others went +on; I lifted the newspaper; there stood my prick, red-tipped as a berry. +She looked at it, at me, and putting one hand up to her mouth as if to +stop her laughter, turned and followed on the others with her work. Soon +returning she was again facing me, I saw her white teeth as she smiled, +and her eyes fixed on me; the other women turned round, she stopped +for a moment, off went the newspaper, and she gazed at my doodle for a +second or two again. She was further off then, and I saw her speaking +to the woman just in front of her, who looked round; I thought she had +told, and in a funk left the hay-field. + +In the afternoon in the farm-yard, there were people about, and no +chance of having Pender. My desire to have her was intense. After dinner +I went to the farm, Pender had gone home, so I strolled into the lane +which the farm-buildings abutted on. + +Between the Hall and farm-yard was a shrubbery path; laurels, hollies +and evergreens nearly met over head. It joined a belt of walk and +plantation which skirted the lawns, gardens and a small paddock, and hid +the farm-yard from the house. It took two or three minutes to walk from +the farm to the house. The farmyard on the other side opened on to a +lovely village lane running between fields for a mile or so; on one side +the land belonged to my aunt, the other to another proprietor. No one +scarcely went along it but farm people. At one end were the two cottages +in which I had fucked the two sisters years before; lower down past +the farm-gates, were one or two other cottages in which lived +farm-labourers, and in one of them the Pender's. The lane then joined +the high-road, which led by a half-a-mile to the front of my aunt's +house, and to the village. The farm-gates were always closed at dark. +A great bell which when pulled set a dog barking was the way of getting +in, after dark. + +Leaving the wicket-gate ajar, I went down the lane, it was darkish, a +fine summer night, but no moon. I knew where Pender lived, and by cunt +attraction strolled in front of the cottage, though fearing to be seen. + +As I left the farm-gate, female hay-makers who had worked till dark, +passed, curtsying as they recognized me. I thought of Whiteteeth but +saw her not. Turning back from Penders after I had strolled past the +cottage, I went up the lane languishing with lust, and leaned against a +field-gate. I heard a step,--it was the woman with white teeth. + +"Good night." "Good night sir." "Come here." She stopped, came close, +I laid hold of her arm, and drew her close to the gate. "Come into the +field with me, I will give you five shillings." + +A slight chuckle, the white teeth show. "I dare not." But as she spoke I +had got her back up against the gate, and my hand on her grummit. + +"My old man will be waiting me,--I can't." Lifting her clothes I tried +to impale her as she stood. "No, no,--some one will pass," said she in a +whisper. I put my hand on the latch, the gate opened, and we were in the +field; the gate closed with a snap. I led her along by a ditch to a turn +in the hedge; she made no resistance, in a minute we were buried in deep +grass, my doodle buried in her cunt, we had spoken in whispers, all was +silent excepting the insects which chirped in the hot summer's night. + +How delightful these chance pokes are; there was my prick which had not +been washed since it had left Pender's cunt, now wetting to its roots in +the cunt of an unknown woman,--and I'd only just recovered from a +clap. Not a word had we spoken from the moment we entered the field. +We copulated in quietness. My prick did not uncunt, but I moved my arse +outwards, when with tightening grasps, a heave up, and a tightening of +her cunt, she whispered, "Go on doing it" + +I could see the white teeth, but indistinctly, there was just sufficient +light to see outlines, and anything white, but no colour. "I don't think +I can, I have been doing it all day," I said. + +"You've had one of the other women," said she in a whisper, "if I'd +knowed it, you should not have had me," and with a jerk she uncunted me. + +"No," said I, "it's a joke." She raised herself slightly-to look me +in the face, but it was too dark. "I thought not," said she; then she +caught hold of my prick, fell on her back again, I saw indistinctly a +broad expanse of thigh and belly. "Let's feel,--let's look." Wide open +were her legs in a minute, I felt a great, cool belly, strong, thick +crisp hair, my fingers moved easily up the buttered love-trap, I could +not see the opening. + +"Hush!" said she, "there is a footstep." Quiet on the grass we lay; +tramp, tramp it came, past, and died away. "I wonder who it be," said +she. + +She had kept hold of my prick, and soon our bellies met. When done +she hurried me not out of her, seemed to like my indulgence, till she +whispered, "I must go, keep here till you can't hear my footsteps before +you come out, we be near the yard, and if I be seen I don't know what +they will say." + +"My old man's at the 'Lion,' but I'll go straight home." "Perhaps he'll +have gone home." "Not he,--they allus sticks at the Public late, when +they works late." And with her cunt reeking, off she went. + +I followed, intending to walk round to the front of the Hall. Passing +Pender's house, to my astonishment she was standing at the door. I went +up to her. "Oh!" said she, "Pender will be home, I expect him every +minute." She could hear his footsteps a mile off, but she would not let +me into the house. + +Opposite to Pender's was also a field-gate, I persuaded her to come out +and stand there with me; the hedge hid anyone coming along the lane. "At +the first sound of a footstep," said I, "I will go into the field, and +you can cross to your house." I was longing for the woman, but scarcely +thought I could do it after my day's fucking. The idea of putting my +prick still wet with Whiteteeth's juices, into Pender's quim, stimulated +me; my cock stood (in those days if it stood it was sure of doing duty). +I closed up to her whispering love, and frigging her, she gradually +getting besides herself with pleasure. At length up went my prick into +her, and after a quarter of an hour's lamming, finished. + +Meeting her husband in the lane might have caused suspicion, so into the +field I went, intending to wait till he passed, laid down, fell asleep, +awaking when it was broad daylight. I then waited two hours, walked +round to the Hall, waited in the front till the door was opened, then +went up to my room, and to bed. The servant saw me go in, and I imagine +thought I had been out in the grounds without her knowing it,--certainly +it never was known that I had been out all night. + +I went to bed to rumple it, then down to breakfast, all the time +thinking of some lie as an excuse for being out all night. "You were +tired, and went to bed early I expect," said aunt. "Yes," said I. My +limbs were aching from exposure to night-air, as I spoke. + +Three days had made a great change in me. My prolonged abstinence from +women, and now my recovery, my taking more to animal food, wine, and +my usual mode of living, the quiet life I was leading, all my physical +forces at their highest. My cock stood from morning till night, not a +woman passed me, young or old, without my desiring them. I thought of +nothing else, and to this perhaps is due the variety of poking I got. +Luck usually falls to those who look out for it. + +I have said there was a shrubbery round the grounds connecting with that +from the Hall to the farm; quite on the other side of the Hall were the +stables, and the gardener's house. None of the stablemen or gardeners +were on the farm-side. The servants of the Hall slipped down to the +farm to gossip, but it was not allowed. The only person who regularly +traversed the shrubbery was Mrs. Pender, who twice a day took milk, and +dairy produce to the Hall. + +Half-way down this shrubbery-path was a path connecting with that which +went quite round the grounds. Cunningly contrived, and leading out of +it was one to a large privy, usual in such grounds as my aunt's. A large +octagonal house covered with ivy, with a door and two glass windows, a +house devoted to shitting, but large enough to hold a dozen people. + +One or two days after I had had Whiteteeth and Pender, I dodged about +after the latter, but there were people about. I went off to the +hay-making, but there were only men carting hay; so I went sniffing +about the servants in the house, but nothing came of that. In the +afternoon I went to the farm-yard, and prowled about to find some +chance, and place to get Pender, and went up into the big loft in the +barn over the cart-shed. Why I went up there I don't know, and had not +been there a minute before I heard a scuffle, and a kiss. "I shant, +now--you saucy boy," said a female voice. Another kiss, and a scuffle. +"I must go to the house," said the female. I peeped: it was a nursemaid, +and my aunt's page. The girl ran off, leaving the page. They did not see +me. + +My aunt's male in-door servants consisted but of a middle-aged butler +who had been in her service many years, a slow, solemn man, a widower, +and a page taken on when small, who had recently grown rapidly, and was +a heavy, stupid, gawky lad, between fifteen and sixteen years old, too +big for his place. My aunt, although always intending to dismiss him, +kept him on out of kindness, but at length had said, "Page must go, I +shall not give him a new suit, it will be waste of money." He looked +stupid as an owl, and as if an idea about cunt would never have entered +his mind. + +This boy stood still reflecting, then unbuttoned his trowsers, pulled +out a stiff, big prick, and after pulling the prepuce down once or +twice, buttoned it up again; stood still, again unbuttoned, sat down +on some straw, reflected, and then frigged himself. After wiping his +fingers on the straw he went off, leaving me wondering at his lust, the +size of his doodle, and the quantity of spunk he shot. "That lumpish boy +to do that!" forgetting what I did, when only a little older than him. + +"Hullo! what are you doing here?" said a voice.--it was Pender's. He +made no reply. "You'd better be off to the Hall, you've no business +here." "I was fetching the nurse-maid." "Well she's no business here; +you cut, they will be ringing for you." When the voices ceased I +descended, and went to the Hall. + +The head farm-man had recently died, he, his wife and daughter, had +lived in the cottage in the farmyard. Pender's husband had taken his +place, but still lived in his cottage in the lane. The woman whose +husband had died attended to things in general, the daughter assisted +in the dairy, and worked very often up at the Hall. A pretty girl of a +common, rustic style of beauty, and about sixteen years old; she used to +curtsy to me when she met me, but I had never cast my eyes at her. As I +skulked out through the rick-yard into the shrubbery-walk leading to the +Hall I met her, stopped, and had a chat, a joke, and finished by a kiss, +which she took in very bad part, and wiped away with her hand, as if I +was quite disgusting. She was an only child, her name Molly. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + Joey and nursemaid.--The privy in the laurel-walk.--Scared.-- + Whiteteeth in the ditch.--The nursemaid's bed-room.--Robert + amusing her.--A lost virginity.--Aunt and Joey.--Nearly + caught.--Amatory instructions to nursemaid. + +Lusting worse after the kiss, I went to the house. My cousins were +out, my aunt taking her afternoon's nap. I rang my bed-room bell for +something, simply to get a woman near me, in the shape of a housemaid +who was as ugly as sin. I pulled out my cock when she left, and thought +of imitating the page, but did not; from my window saw the nursemaid was +out with the child, and strolled out to meet her. I must mention that +the child (about four years old), was a married cousin's child who had +gone to India with her husband; leaving the infant in charge of her +mother, my aunt. + +Nursemaid was a dry, plainish little woman whom I had scarcely noticed +until the previous three days. I talked to the infant, and played with +him, asked her if she would like a child, if she would let me be the +father, and got a chaffing reply. Suddenly it struck me from the scuffle +I had heard in the barn, that she and the page were very intimate, and +said as a random shot, "You would not mind Robert cuddling you, would +you now?" She coloured up, looked confused, then said, as if she did +not recollect, "Robert?--who is Robert?" "Fat Robert the page." "Pough." +said she, "that big boy!" She took up the child, and walked off,--not to +the house, but a long way away from it. After a time I followed her; +she entered a grotto, or very large summer-house which formed part of +an artificial ruin in the grounds, and which was the scene of an amusing +adventure with this very child some years later on in my life. There she +sat down. + +I saw what a good blind the child was, so went into the grotto to talk +to him. He was sitting in her lap. In a minute said he, "I want to +pee-wee." "Hush!" said she, "I will take you for a walk." "I will +pee-wee," said he, scuffling down from her lap, running outside the +summer-house; turning round, lifting his petticoats, and pissing in +front of us. + +"You naughty boy," said she. "What a little cock he has," said I. She +snatched up the child, went towards the house, and there was an end for +the time of my talk with her. + +I dodged from hay-field to farm-yard, thence to the house, saw Pender, +saw the young wench (Molly) I have named, looked out for Whiteteeth; +it was all no go. I had dinner, then strolled down to the village, saw +Whiteteeth outside the public with her husband. Back to the house, +saw nursemaid, said in a whisper. "I shall come and sleep with you +to-night." "That you won't," said she, "Master Joe always sleeps in +my room." Randy and weary I went to bed, after nearly spending in my +trowsers as I looked at my cousins' white necks in the drawing-room, and +thought to myself, "I will go to ------ (the market-town a few miles off +to which I have before alluded), and have a woman to-morrow." During +the hot night thought of cunt, cunt, cunt, would not frig myself, slept. +Awakened again with a stiff one, frigged, and then got repose. + +The next morning I increased my acquaintance with the young wench Molly, +chaffed the nursemaid, and besought her to let me sleep with her. Again +went to the hay-field, but hay-making was finished, the weather dull, +and further hay-making postponed till finer weather. + +Keeping a sharp eye on page Robert, I soon saw he was spooning +nursemaid; detected him kissing her, and putting his hand on her belly +outside her clothes. She seeing me, gave him a violent slap on the head; +when I chaffed her, turned up her nose again and said, "A boy like that +indeed; I beg you won't talk like that to me sir." + +She slept in a room which was properly entered from the servant's +corridor, which connected with the best part of the house through +folding doors. But a door had been made in the room from best part of +the house, so that my aunt, who had had a large family could more easily +see how the children when there, were being looked after. This door was +just by a lobby which led to the W.C; any one going there might seem to +be either going towards the W.C, or towards the servants' staircase, the +nursemaid's room therefore could be entered from either door, and on two +sides. + +By the door on the servants' side was a house-maid's W.C and the +servants' staircase which led also to the attics, where some slept, and +to a lobby with rooms mostly used for lumber, and where the page had +been put to sleep, away from females, or anyone else. The butler +slept in a little room adjoining the pantry and plate-room, on the +ground-floor. + +Several days passed, I did not get a gay woman, but hunted incessantly +in hopes of getting Pender, or Whiteteeth, or the nursemaid. Young Molly +I did not much think of; she seemed too young, so chaste, so looked +after, that I had no expectation, but do not recollect what my views +about her exactly were. Then I did not care about young ones. A +full-grown woman, large-arsed, with a full-sized and fully-haired cunt +was my greatest delight; above all I liked room inside it for my cock to +swell out, a tight cunt had no delights to me. + +After a few days my luck came as it mostly has. I went again with my +aunt to the dairy. Whilst she was talking to Pender a notion occurred to +me. I did not go into breakfast, but waited in the turning leading out +of the shrubbery between the Hall and farmyard; and hiding, saw Pender +take up the milk; a few minutes later heard her returning, and stepped +out. I had made up my mind to have her in the privy; have had women in +similar places before and since, and daresay that other men have. + +She gave a start. "Come here." "No." But I clutched her. "Oh! now +pray,--if anyone comes?" "But there won't you know that,--come this +way," and I pulled her out of the main-walk. "Oh! don't, there's a +dear gentleman,--hush! perhaps some one is near." "Why they are all at +breakfast." "I don't know where my husband is." + +I had edged her down the path, and pushed her into the large privy. +Pender was randy, that I see now. A woman in fear yields reluctantly, +but she yields when she wants a man. + +I locked the door and pressed her up against the wall. "Oh! I am so +frightened," said she, "later on I'll let you,--oh! if we should be +found." She was in a funk, but what can any woman do, who feels a man's +warm prick outside her belly, and his hands fumbling at her clitoris? +the sensuous touch goes through her like lightning. Soon we were both +spending. + +My head was on her shoulder, my prick oozing its last drop of sperm, +when she clutched me violently with a stare of terror in her face, it +scared me. "It is he, it's he!" she said in a screaming whisper, "oh! +my God!" Tramp,--tramp, went a heavy male step in the shrubbery. "Oh! my +God, I know his step!" + +My prick flopped down, her petticoats dropped, but we stood close +against the wall breathless. Tramp,--tramp, nearer, nearer it came, it +passed the door, and died away in the distance. As he passed I peeped +through the little red curtains over the window, and saw it was her +husband's cap. + +She sat down on the privy-seat, and buried her face in her hands. "My +God," said she, "What would have happened, if he had found me here? But +what does he do up this path? he has no business here," she added. + +After a few seconds I went off in one direction, she as she told me, +to her cottage, where she found her husband, and they had breakfast +together; the good man not suspecting, that his wife's cunt was full of +sperm. Such are the chances of me. + +I went into breakfast. My aunt was annoyed at my being so late. A female +cousin,--a pretty girl,--whom it was wished I should marry, poured out +my tea. I thought, "Ah! my dear girl, if you knew where my prick has +been a few minutes ago, it would astonish you." + +I went through the farm-yard a little before midday into the lane, and +passed Pender without speaking. I met Whiteteeth carrying a mug and +other things in a basket in the lane. She smiled, I followed to the +memorable gate, then stopped. "Come into the field," said I. "I can't, +I'm taking my good man his dinner, some of the women may come this way." +"I owe you five shillings, I'll make it ten shilling,--come." "I don't +want your money." "Come for love then." "We must be quick," said she +following me, and cautiously she looked round. We passed through the +gates to the place where we had laid down before; now in broad day it +seemed dangerously near the lane. There was a sinking in the surface +a little further on where cows had trodden the ground down to get to a +ditch; there she put down her dinner-basket. Throwing up her petticoats, +I saw her cunt was dark-haired. We fucked rapidly, no fumbling, +stink-fingering, or frigging. I gave her ten shillings. "Give it me in +silver," said she, "if I change it in the village it will be known." I +took it back, gave her all the silver I had, owing her some. She said +she would meet me again in the evening, unless her husband was working +in the same field with her; he was mowing then. + +I had luncheon, and a cock-stand again, walked round the grounds, and +saw the nursemaid with the child. A cunning little bitch she was,--I did +not see that plainly then,--she was rolling on the lawn playing with +the child, her clothes went up to her knees; it was carelessness, she +believing herself alone with the boy. She had a thin pair of limbs in +nice boots. I peeped out from the shrubs, expecting to see higher, but +did not. The little boy again wanted to piddle, she pulled out his cock, +and held it. Whilst so interestingly engaged I advanced, she put his +clothes down. I walked by her side. "You like holding that?" said I. She +turned away. "Let me sleep with you." "This is my bedfellow," said she +laughing, and went towards the house, I in the opposite direction of +course. + +I waited in the lane in the evening. Whiteteeth came along with others, +eyeing me with a smile, and there was no opportunity. It was lightish. +I thought to get Pender in the privy again next morning. It was not +probable that her husband would pass that way again at that time. I +went to bed. In the middle of the night was obliged to go to the +water-closet, and sitting there thought of the housemaid, recollected +that my aunt had said she would have Joey, who was not well, sleep with +her that night. "Why, she will be alone that nursemaid, she is a randy +one," I thought; but was by no means sure I should succeed, having +known others who would go a long way, but stop short at fucking. If she +resisted and there was a row, I should be obliged to leave my aunt's. +All this ran through my mind whilst sitting on the water-closet. +Water-closets had not long been known, they were quite proud of having +them in my aunt's house. + +My cock rose up, as the girl's neat thin legs came before my eyes. Cock +stiffer I went towards my bedroom, passed her door, heard her moving +inside, and that settled me. Going to my room I put in the candle, and +in my dressing-gown went softly back, turned the handle, and pushed her +door. It opened, and a sight met my astonished eyes. + +She was lying on the bed, leaning on her elbow, in her chemise which +was just above her knees, her legs partly up and open, her back turned +partially from me as I entered. By the bed-side stood page Robert with +his breeches opened, she was frigging, or feeling his great cock as +she lay; the page's hand was between her knees, either on her cunt, or +trying to get at it. They were in the enjoyment of mutual investigation. +Whether it was going further I can't say. I believe she was frigging +him, although she always denied that afterwards. + +I had fairly entered the room before they (so engrossed were they +with their pleasures) saw me; when with a shriek of, "Oh! my God I am +ruined!--go (turning to the page), go out sir, or I will scream (to +me), what's he here for?--what do you here sir?" Without a word the page +turned and bolted, pulling up his trowsers which fell down to his +arse as he shuffled out of the room. She turned on one side without +attempting to hide her legs, or breast, and hid her face crying, "Oh! +what shall I do?--what shall I do?--go sir go,--I don't know what he did +here," and other excited, incoherent phrases. + +I do not recollect saying a word, but bolted the door by which the page +had gone out, then that by which I had entered; the bolts of that had +been shot, only they had not quite closed the door before locking. "Be +quiet, don't be a fool, I'll fuck you,--let's be comfortable," said I. + +She refused. "Robert has fucked you." "No he ain't." "You were frigging +him." "No I wasn't,--oh! I don't know what you mean, or what you are +saying." In her fear, and agitation she had been betrayed into answering +my assertions. "Oh! dear,--oh! dear!--but you won't tell, will you +sir?--it will be worse for you if you do," said she with a sort of +threat, and altering her tone. + +"I won't tell if you let me,--don't be a fool,--I will have you. If +there is a row I will say I found you with Robert, and you and he will +go out neck and crop. If they think badly of me I don't care; I shall +leave, and in a few months they will overlook it; but you will have no +character: you have been seen in the cart-shed with Robert." She started +at that. "It's a story," said she, "who saw me?" and then she began to +cry. + +I pulled up my night-shirt, threw myself besides her, and pulled up +her night-gown. My hand in an instant was on her cunt, her thin thighs +closed to prevent me, but she was silent. "I will have you," said I +laying on her, and forcing open her knees with mine. Her resistance grew +less. "I can't help myself", said she, "you are a blackguard, all the +women say you are,---don't,--oh! don't hurt me." "Nonsense, you have had +a prick up it before." "No man has ever touched me." "Let me feel then." +Her thighs slightly opened, I put a finger on it. "You have a very +little cunt." "Don't be rough," said she. At length my belly met hers, +my hand was round her slender bum, my prick on the slit. I pushed, it +did not enter as I expected, then I felt her cunt roughly, and made her +cry out. "What a small cunt you have," I said, and with a violent lunge +pushed up it. She gave a suppressed gasp. "Oh! you hurt, oho." I pushed +home, fucked and finished triumphantly, for I had had her in spite of +herself. We had spoken in whispers till she split, and then her cry was +sharp, and loud. + +I drew my prick out and myself upon my knees, to see how the cunt +looked. She did not close her legs. By the light of the small candle I +could see she had not much more hair on her cunt than a girl of +sixteen years old. I laid by her side talking to her, then noticing my +night-shirt said, "You are poorly." "Nothing of the sort." To put my +fingers up to verify that, and look at them was the work of a moment. +"Then I have made you bleed." "You have hurt me very much, you brute." + +I did not like the girl nor her manner, didn't feel kind as I always +do towards a woman I have had. "You little devil, to hear you talk one +would think you had never had a man before." "Think what you like, but I +never have,--go away now." + +Her tight cunt, her freedom in permitting me to feel it, her sulky +submission to all I wanted astonished me. I fucked her again, and found +her cunt very tight still. + +She was taciturn, and when I said, "I had better go." "Go," she replied, +"I suppose we shall be kicked out,--what will Robert say?" We agreed +that she was to tell Robert, that unless he held his tongue he would +be kicked out without a character; that I was to tell him, that hearing +conversation I had opened the door; that out of consideration for the +poor girl would not tell my aunt; but that I should notice him, and if +I found him misbehaving himself, would tell my aunt that he was not a +proper person to be in the house. Then I went to my bed-room. + +I slept but a short time, awakened with a cock-stand, and slipping on +my dressing-gown sneaked without slippers to her room again; knocked +gently, heard a sleepy voice say, "Yes ma'am," and the door was opened. +Spite of her opposition I got into bed with her, another fuck, she +spent, and we both fell asleep. + +A violent push awakened me. A knock at the door. "My God it's Missus." +We were in the dark. Pulling my dressing-gown off the chair I slipped +with it under the bed, forgetting the door thru which I might have +escaped. "Let her in," I whispered. Trembling she opened it. It was +my aunt. "Here," said she, "take Master Joey, he has kept me awake all +night." The nursemaid put him into the bed, my aunt standing by the +side, her feet actually against my slippers. "What did you lock this +door for?" said she, "have I not told you always tor keep this door +unlocked?" "I felt frightened," said the girl. Away my aunt went, the +girl sunk on the chair. There was now a light. In a whisper from under +the bed I said, "Play with the child." She got into bed, took the boy in +her arms, cuddled and talked to him, whilst I slipped out and regained +my room. It was not day-light. + +I had had three women the same day, had washed after neither, their +lubrications had mixed with mine on my prick-stem and balls. A day +or two following I had a stock of crabs; were they Pender's, or +White-teeth's, or nursemaid's, or did I breed them? I had all three +women afterwards, and never got the crabs again whilst at my aunt's. At +the market-town I got a remedy, and was soon cured, but had to leave off +fucking for a little while. + +I had had the three women at a cost of five shillings; such luck never +occurred to me before, or since. + +I don't know when I have had such a jolly month's amusement as then +followed, in getting first one, and then another of the women. All three +met my wishes, but there were many difficulties, dodges, manoeuvres to +get either of them. Nursemaid moving about with the child in all sorts +of places, came in for the most cock. She was small-boned, skinny, and +her face had the expression that people have when they have just taken +medicine. Under other circumstances I should never have noticed her, but +the extreme smallness of her cunt was a novelty. I thought at first she +was a regular intriguer, but came to the conclusion that I had had +the first of her; and that until then she had been a masturbatrix, and +frigged her flesh off her bones. Rub her clitoris for a second, her eyes +would open wide and roll with such intense voluptuousness that for a +moment her face looked beautiful. I used to tell her, that she frigged +herself thin. + +I took you may be sure a great fancy to my little cousin Joey, for that +gave me an opportunity of getting near the nurse. She was always out +in the grounds with him in fine weather. I would throw the ball for the +child to run after in the direction of the grotto, then walked round to +see if any gardener was near, and tip her the wink. In we would go, and +either against seat, or up against the wall, or more frequently laying +her with back on the big rustic table, and her legs round my hips, I +poked her. Once she laid the little child on the table, and played +with him there, whilst I threw her clothes up behind, and fucked her +dog-fashion. "Lay hold of his cock," said I as bum-wagging indications +told me she was coming, and she kissed his little cock rapturously till +she spent. The little beggar! I wonder if in later years he recollected +anything he saw. Years afterwards it was my fortune to see him fucking a +servant in that very summer-house. + +Whether the child was old enough, or not to notice what he saw, was a +subject of talk with us. We came to the conclusion, that we were safe. +After luncheon, when my aunt took a nap, and my cousins went out driving +(if I could avoid driving out with them, and what lies I told to do +that), was my most fortunate time; for the servants were lazy after +their dinner, and the garden excepting from gardeners, quite free. + +The summer-house, called the grotto, was a big one, there were wide +seats nearly all round, chairs, and a big table in the middle capable of +dining a dozen people. I was once frigged in it by a young lady, and two +different servants did I fuck in it. These adventures will be told in +their place. There were several summer-houses about the grounds, and I +had the nursemaid in most of them. + +Once only I slept with her the whole night, or rather lay fucking her, +we were frightened to sleep, for fear of being caught. Joey was away. +She told me the page had been showing her his prick for nearly a year; +and she let him come to her room that night just to see what he would +do. "You were frigging him, were you not?" "I was feeling it about." +Then I told her I had seen him frig himself in the barn. "The servants +at the Hall wonder at your being so much at the farm," said she. "How +the devil can they know that?" I thought to myself. It put me on my +guard. + +She swore no man had ever touched her before me. "You forced me, and +made me bleed; I would not have let you, only I feared you would tell +what you had seen, and I should lose my character." She however took +now to fucking, and was insatiable in getting me up her; her little thin +form clung to me in a wonderful way and she loved my penis to push to +the utmost up her tight little cunt. + +"So my Fanny's small?" she asked several times, "tell me about other +women's; are they much larger than mine? I know I have very little hair +on mine." What nice talk we had. + +She had been always nursemaid, had frigged herself as long as she +could recollect, had nursed a girl eight years old who frigged herself +incessantly, she had to slap her, and tie her hands to prevent it. "Now +tell me truly, did you ever frig any boy?" "Never," but she had made +their cocks stiff. She had frigged a girl, and been frigged in return. +So much for nursemaids. She said she was 27. + +The morning after I first had her, I told Robert to come to the garden +directly the breakfast was cleared away. He came. "I heard a noise last +night as I was passing, opened the door, and caught you; I have a good +mind to tell your mistress, but the nursemaid has begged, and prayed +me not; but if I hear you have ever mentioned this, or see you near +her again, I will have you kicked out the next five minutes, and she +too.--Be off." Away he went, without a word. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + Molly and Giles.--A country ale-house.--Pender's history.-- + How her virginity was taken.--White-teeth's ailment.--Molly + in the loft.--Interrupted. Molly tailed. + +I fucked Whiteteeth in the meadow one night again. We selected a field +further off, which led to another bit of luck. She had left me, and I +was stepping quietly, so that if met, no one might suppose we had been +together; when I heard on the other side of a hedge, movements, and the +voices of a male and female. They sat down within a few feet of where I +was. I only heard imperfectly, and tell as well as I could gather what +was said. + +"I can't stay," said she, "mother will be after me,--she don't know I am +out of the yard." A kiss,--many kisses,--a scuffle,--"be quiet,"--then +all was a mumble. Then "I won't,--I won't,--never again,--you shant." +"Hush!" said he, "suppose some one is near." "Do let's feel it,--let's +do it," said the male, "do it once, do it twice, it's all the same once +done." I kept as quiet as death. + +"No" (here something I could not catch),--"no,--it warn't no pleasure to +me,--I've been crying ever since,--you won't marry me after all I dare +say, though I let you do it." "So help me God I will, I'll marry you." +He swore quite loudly. "Hish!" "Mother won't let us, she hates you." The +female whimpered, then was mumbling, kissing, soothing, quietness, +then all of a sudden, "Oh! you're hurting me with your fingers." +"Hish!--hish!--be quiet!" Then I could hear nothing;--then, "No, I'll +be getting in a mess like Bess." Said the man half angrily, "She were a +fool, she needn't a had a child; I knows a mother who can stop any gal +having a child." "Now don't,--oh! it hurts,--no,--oh!--hoe!" The voices +sank; kisses came a slight rustling, and all was quiet. + +Then I heard broken words from both, but in a subdued voice "I'll never +let you no more," said the female, "you go that way." Kiss, kiss, and +the cut off, the female towards the gate I had entered the field by, he +across the fields. She piddled, and waited till he had gone. Dodging +her I moved after her, and saw her enter the farm-yard, but could not +identify her. It must be Molly I was sure, no other female at that time +was likely to enter there. Why Molly has been fucked! + +Next day I asked nursemaid about Molly. "Oh! that's why you go to the +farm so often," said she laughing jealously. "She's a good girl, her +mother looks after her sharp." + +I had most difficulty in getting Pender. She would not go into the privy +again. I fucked her once or so in the barn, but at railroad pace; +both anxious, the fuck barely worth having. "I'll go to mother's next +Sunday," said she. "If P go to the Red Lion on Saturday night, I'll be +outside in the lane." We met in the lane, but I could only get a +feel, and arrange about Sunday. "I'll go to mother's at ------" (the +market-town), "if the day be fine; P. won't come, he don't like mother, +or he'll only come in the evening." + +On Sunday I rode to the town, passing Pender on the road in her Sunday +finery, went to a lane where was an ale-house and bakery below, a baudy +house above, and took a room (Fred told me of the place years before). +Pender went to her mother's, and so soon as people were in church came +to the appointed corner. I kept well ahead of her, entered the house, +and after hesitating at the door in she came after me. + +"How could you be such a fool as to walk about outside like that?" said +I angrily, for I had feared she would not enter. "I was frightened," +she replied, "and oh! I must get back to mother's by dinner-time at one, +when the Publics and the bake-houses open." + +It was a delicious day, and beats in my recollection many others of +fevered enjoyment. Little by little I stropped a tall, fine, stout, +healthy, country woman, a regular spanker; with white flesh, firm, soft +satiny and smelling like new milk. She was bashful without affection, +ashamed to expose her charms, yet proud to do so to me. She was clad in +snow-white coarse linen, neat and clean from her boots to her head. +What enjoyment we had! how we spent! I fucked her three times before +the dinner-hour, my prick or my finger was in her cunt for an hour and a +half. + +At half-past twelve off she went; in less than two hours back she came. +She had said that a friend of hers was ill, and she had promised to sit +with her (a woman cocking is never at loss for a lie). It was raining. +The umbrella helped to hide her, but she was nervous about being seen. I +had dinner at the house, the woman cooked well; the keepers were really +small traders who did not mind their rooms being used for love-making, +and had none of the dirty tricks of a London baudy house keeper. He +fetched me a bottle of good sherry. + +I got as lewd as could be, and to her astonishment turned her face +against the bed, threw up her clothes and had her with my belly +against her rump. I shall never forget the comicality of that fuck, +her protesting against it, and her wonderment at such an attitude. The +novelty upset her. + +I don't recollect much more what I did, but it was an afternoon of baudy +teaching on my part, of confidences on hers; it was the first time we +had a chat together on general matters. Speaking of her husband she +said, "Why you have done it as much almost as he has done since we have +been married." "What in a year?" "Yes, we were married several weeks +afore he did it at all, so I told mother, and that's why he don't like +her." + +She was warmed with wine, we were on the bed cuddling, my fingers at +work on her clitoris, we were enjoying each other's nakedness. I pressed +her to tell me more, and now narrate briefly what I heard of her first +fuck, her grievances and troubles. + +"After I spoke to mother, mother said to him, 'You don't want a wife +much Mr. Pender, I think.' 'Why of course I do, I should not have +married had I not.' 'Well it don't seem like it', said mother. Then +Pender said, 'You mind your own business mother, or you'll make it hot +for your daughter', and with that he went out, and slammed the door. +Mother did not like to say any more, for fear he would ill-treat +me. Soon after he said, 'What have you been saying to your mother?' +'Nothing', I answered. He looked queer, and still he did not do anything +to me for some time.' + +"When I was in bed I used to lay and cry, he'd say, 'What are you crying +about woman?' but I never told. + +"After that one night he took my hand, put it on his thing and said, +'Feel that lass.' Then he felt all round me you know', said Mrs. P. +laughing, 'and he had never done that before,--and with no more ado +he got atop and said, 'Not don't be a fool', and then he did it,--and +that's all," said Mrs. Pender describing her first marital poke,--the +real beginning of her married life,--as she laid side by side by me, +with my prick in her hand. + +I was curious,--a man always is in such matters. "Did it hurt you?--did +he get up you quick?" "I'm sure it was pretty quick, I cried out, and it +hurt. I was all in a tremble; then he said, 'Well you were all right and +tight five minutes ago.' I bled a lot." + +"Perhaps your old sweetheart had done it before?" "He never laid hand on +me, but to kiss me." "Nor any one?" "Oh! yes, they have tried all round +I think," said she laughing, "you have,--so has the squire, and lots of +'em, you can't help that,--if a girl's taken unawares a man can get his +hand on her thighs, but he won't get more; and I always slapped their +heads, and there was an end of it." I recollect certainly her slapping +at mine hard enough. + +Then she relieved her mind. "He's not a bad man,. he don't get drunk, +and we don't quarrel; but I don't care for him, and never did." "Ah! you +lost your young man, and thought you would be fucked by some one." "I +did not think at all about it, but in a sort of spiteful fit, when he +asked me to marry him, I said yes. I didn't think about his not doing it +to me much, till a woman asked me how I liked it, and how often he did +it; but I told her he did it a lot. Then I talked, and found men did it +often to their wives, and he does not do it to me once in three weeks. +So I fretted." "What do you do?" said I. She laughed, I gave her +clitoris a rub. "That's what you do?" "Yes," said she. "Do you often +want fucking?" "Every day," said Mrs. Pender frankly and openly. "Did +you want it the day I had you by the hay-stack?" "I just did." Then she +added that her husband knew she frigged herself, and usually said to her +when she intimated that she should like him up her, "Oh! do it yourself, +if your cunt's so hot, I'm tired." + +She had married a man much more than double her own age, who poked her +once in three weeks; this healthy, well-fed woman of twenty-three who +wanted a nightly roger, and could have spent half-a-dozen times daily +with ease. She now had got me, liked me, was ready to do anything with +me or for me as I found out, and was sorry for it. + +At six o'clock she was obliged to leave. We were both fucked out, and +parted regretting that a month must pass before she could venture to +go to her mother's again. I had left her enough to think about, for I +fucked her in several attitudes. It gave me pleasure to teach her. + +Next day Molly ran in my head, so I fished about to hook her. She had +seemed to me so young, that I had taken but little notice of her; liking +the fat-cunted, biggish-arsed females best. Now I noticed her being so +plump and fresh, and wondered I had never noticed her previously. When +I met her, I looked in her face thinking, "Innocent as you look, your +cunt's been wetted by a man." I longed for her, but she was nearly +always in the farm-yard, either with her mother or Pender, when not +assisting up at the Hall; but when a man hunts a woman he is sure to get +a chance, as will be seen I did. + +Just after I had Pender on the Sunday, an annoying thing occurred to me. +Whiteteeth worked in all parts of the parish, and she just now came to +do something on my aunt's grounds,--weeding I think. Catching her one +day alone I took some liberty. She resisted sullenly, looked up, and +nodding her head said, "You gave me a bad illness." "What!" said I. +"Did you not?" said she. I swore I had not; did she think me such a +blackguard?--would she see my prick? "Then my damned old man's given it +me, and he swears I gave it him," said she. She had a clap. I never had +her afterwards, and was told that lots of men had had her. Fred told me +soon afterwards, that he had, but that she had been quite steady since +her marriage, he believed. I didn't undeceive him. + +When the farm-work was over Molly stood sometimes at the lane-gate. +Loitering about I saw a man named Giles there, who when he saw me +moved off. I laid hold of her once or twice, kissed and made the usual +approaches, at last got a hot fit of lust for her, and felt I would do +anything to get her once. After two women with well-haired cunts I did +nothing but picture to myself that she had a small cunt, and but little +hair on it, like nursemaid's,--and the idea excited me. + +I have already described the barn, step-ladder, and loft; the chickens +sometimes flew up the ladder into the loft. I had seen Pender go up, and +whisk them down. Looking about one afternoon (hay-making was again going +on), no one seemed about, though Pender was in the dairy. I entered the +barn from the brickyard side, just as Molly was going up the ladder, +showing her legs innocently enough. + +"What pretty legs," I cried. The girl scuffled up as hard as she could +to get out of sight, I after her. She was chasing some chickens, and +was as red as a turkey-cock in the face. I caught hold of her, prick +standing, heart beating, and kissed her. She resisted, I put my hand up +her clothes, and in the struggle we both rolled on to a heap of loose +hay; I had felt the flesh of her thighs. "Leave off," said she, "or I'll +call mother." Her mother was then ill in the farm-house. + +"Don't be a fool," said I attempting it again. "Don't you do such +things sir,--I'll call mother,--it's wrong of you" "If you do," said +I brutally, "I'll tell your mother Giles fucked you in the field last +week." + +Never shall I forget the look of the poor girl's face. "Oh!--oh!" said +she breathless, "you didn't,--it's a story, oh! now pray,--oh! it's a +shocking story,--I warn't in the field." "Don't.--oh! it hurts," said +I repeating other words which had been wandering through my brain ever +since I heard them. "I heard you and the man say that." + +She began to cry, putting her head in her hands. "Let me do it, and +I won't tell,--no one will know, and you won't tell Giles, that's +certain." She ceased crying, and fixed her eyes on me wildly, I got my +hand up her clothes, her thighs were closed, she kept pushing me away, +"No,--no,--no." Forgetting where I was, or that anyone might come up the +ladder, I had my prick out, and with a struggle got my hand on her +cunt. "You won't tell, really now?" "Not if you let me." A little more +scuffling, and I had her down. She was quiet, and I was fucking with +all the delight and energy which a fresh woman gives a man, when I heard +"Molly, Molly" shouted out. With a violent start she uncunted me, and I +spent over her motte. "Where are you such a long time Molly?" "There +is a hen up here," said Molly who had started up, "and I think she has +laid, but can't find the egg." And Molly disappeared down the ladder. +"You're wanted up in the Hall," said the voice,--it was Pender's;--their +voices died away. How pleased Pender would have been had she known the +condition of Molly's motte! + +Nothing is so irritating as spending outside a long coveted cunt, when +another thrust or two would have left the sperm up it,--it is maddening. +I could think of nothing but the girl; although I had barely felt, and +had seen nothing of her charms, she seemed to me perfection. For a day +or two I got no chance, so I wrote on a bit of paper, "You will get +into a mess, unless you meet me to-night; I'll be in the barn at eight +o'clock; come in through the wicket,"--or something to that effect. It +was intended to frighten her, for she avoided me. I pushed the note into +her hands at the Hall. + +I walked through the farm-yard, afterwards and saw her, she shook +her head as I passed. I said rapidly,--Pender was in sight,--"You had +better." In the evening I hid myself in the loft, allowed the barndoors +to be closed, and should have had to stay all night there if some one +had not undone one of the wickets; they fastened them outside. + +I had been there a long time, it was dark. "I am in here till to-morrow +morning," I thought, and walked up and down barely restraining +myself from frigging, such was my state of lust. It was possible that +circumstances might prevent her from coming, and I had given up hope, +when the wicket opened, It was she; she came up into the loft; I caught +her in my arms. + +"What do you want?--you ain't a going to tell?--you ain't heard anybody +say anything?" said she. I could not see, but felt her tears, reassured +her, told her I loved her: who would know but us two? "What harm have +I done you?" said the poor girl, "Giles is going to marry me, that's +different,--oh I don't know." I had pushed her on to some hay, +threatening her one minute, coaxing her the next. + +I was feeling her. My hand was roving over a plump little bum and belly, +my finger entered a tight little split on which was a little crisp hair, +my prick followed my finger, and on the new sweet hay, belly to belly, +but not mouth to mouth (she would not kiss), my prick revelled in a cunt +which seemed divine, and was soon drowned in a pond of its own making. + +"Mother's better, and has gone down the lane to Pender's," said she, +"if she comes back she will wonder where I am,--let me go." I would +not, until I had again enjoyed her; and then the lass enjoyed me. She +unclosed the wicket in the rick-yard which let me out. I got across a +field into the lane, went past the farm-gates, and there stood Molly +with her mother. "Good night," said I to the mother, then passing +Pender's cottage, I went round, and up to the Hall. + +I thought that having fucked Molly I should be contented; but the little +cunt, the little hair, the small bum, made me want Molly again. I could +not get her, she evidently did not wish for me; I had had her against +her will, and so had her again afterwards. Perhaps only seemingly +against her will, for though she resisted, and accused me of breaking my +word, she had spent with me, and was to spend again, perhaps in spite of +herself. + +I cannot recollect the name of Molly's swain, though I have tried hard, +so call him Giles,--it is a bumpkin's name. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + Field women.--Fred at home.--Smith, the field foreman.--A + rape of a juvenile.--Funking consequences.--Nelly consents.-- + Fred looks on. + +Strolling into the fields one day, idly smoking my cigar later on in +the year, groups of girls and women were at work. I talked to the +field foreman and looked at the girls, especially the younger ones, and +wondered if they had smaller cunts than Molly; of one whether she had +any hair on her cunt at all. Some were apparently not more than twelve +years of age. I longed to see their cunts, and joked with one or two of +the larger girls; but a decided longing for young cunts had set in on +me. "Pender," said I one day, "what a lot of fast-looking chits there +are in the fields." "They are a bad lot," said she, "there is one gal +there only just fourteen in the family way." I was just going to fuck +Pender, and daresay finished quickly enough, for at that age if I was +fucking, and thought of anything very baudy; with a sudden spasm I spent +right off, even if I had only just got my cock up. Indeed women used to +say to me, "How quick you are; why did you not wait for me?" + +What with Molly, Pender, and nursemaid I was so well kept in cunt, that +I only occasionally went back to London. I had dissipated a large part +of my fortune; fucking here had not then cost me five pounds, so that +besides the novelty and delight of the intrigues and the risks I ran, +it was economical; and things might have gone on so, when back came my +cousin Fred. + +A wide-awake fellow was Fred. When my aunt said how delighted they all +were to see me so steady, and had never seen me enjoy myself so much at +the Hall before, he stared. "He goes often," said aunt, "with me to the +dairy." "Yes and pats the cows," said a cousin. Fred winked at me, and +when we were alone said, "What's your little game Walter, where are you +cunting now old fellow?" "Cunt," said I, "is of no use, my clap's not +gone; but thank God I think it's getting all right again." He was quite +taken in. "You have done the best thing you could," said he "there is +nothing here much to excite you, no woman worth having, is there?" + +We wandered daily over the farm and grounds, smoking and talking; he +had been so much away, that faces were unfamiliar to him. "What a skinny +bitch that is with Joey." said he (that was nursemaid). "That's a fine +woman," said I indicating Pender. "Yes," said he, "I recollect before +she was married trying to grope her, and she nearly knocked me over." "I +would not mind having her." "No chance for you my boy. Ah! has not that +little Molly grown," said he with a laugh, "I have often seen the +little devil's arse, and her cunt too when a child, playing about the +place,--she is nice: I think I'll have a try on her." "Aunt's partial to +her," said I. "Don't care." "She is very young." "Tighter cunt, and more +to teach," replied he,--and I noticed he began to be very sweet to Molly +afterwards. + +One morning we walked into the fields, the foreman came up and saluted +us. He had been on the farm before Fred and I were born. "Well Smith," +said Fred, "still at the old games,--any bastards lately?" "Oi am tow +ould for that now Master." "Perhaps the girls don't like poking now?" +"Oi they do, but they doon't like me as they did." Smith (my cousin +told me), had had the credit all his life of poking all the agricultural +laborers, and had been threatened with dismissal on account of it. "He +might have had a worse berth," said I, "there are half-a-dozen girls in +the field I would not mind sleeping with." "Why don't you have them?" +said Fred. "I don't want to lose my character here." "That be damned, +you can always have a field-girl, nobody cares,--I have had a dozen or +two." + +I turned this over in my mind. We were again in the fields, on the way +there he gave me a long account of how old Sarah used to wink at his +having the field-girls; and indeed I had often heard him tell it. "You +tell him you would like any one, and see what will come of it." There +was a pretty sun-burnt girl about fifteen years of age that had given me +a cock-stand. "That's a pretty girl Smith, I'd give a sovereign to have +her,--is she loose?" "Don't think so yet squire, she be skittish; her +sister's not fourteen, and they say she be in the family way, when one +sister takes to it squire, the others generally do." "Where do you pay +their wages?" I asked. The old fellow leered at me. "Why you be a taken +a leaf out of young squire's book sir (it was Fred's advice); I pays +them next at the root-stores," a shed about a quarter of a mile from +the farm-yard, and in which he had a desk. The women waited outside the +shed, each being called in and paid in succession. They were paid every +night, excepting in hay-making times. + +At pay time I strolled into the shed. One by one he paid. The girl I +wanted came last. He told her he wanted her to take a parcel to +the village. "Yes sir," said she. Off old Smith went to fetch the +parcel,--it was the dodge, Fred told me so afterwards, the old goat +always adopted to get a girl left alone with him. + +Very randy but nervous I went out with Smith, then strolled back into +the shed. The girl had seated herself on some loose straw, she got up +and curtsied. "Sit down my dear," said I, "you may have some time to +wait," and talked to her. "You are very pretty,--you will keep your +sweetheart waiting." Smiling she said. "I ain't got no sweetheart sir." +Another look or two, and my randiness getting the better of me, I began +chaffing suggestively, she sat down besides me, then I talked for +a quarter of an hour warmer and warmer, then kissing, tickling, and +pinching her legs. This did not seem to affect her, she enjoyed it; then +out I pulled my prick, and all changed at once. "Oh!" said she rising up +scared to go. I pulled her back. + +"Let's do it to you." "I won't." "You've been fucked." "I ain't,--I +am only fifteen years old (she did not affect ignorance of my +meaning),--leave me alone." I threw her down, and got my hand up her +clothes. She loudly screamed, and that is all I recollect clearly; I +know that I struggled with her, offered her money, told her I knew her +sister had been fucked, and a lot more. I was so much stronger that +she had no chance, I rolled over her, she screamed, and screamed again +(there was no one nearer than the Hall), I exposed her bum, her thighs, +her cunt, and all she had. I was furious with lust, determined to have +her; at last she was under me, panting, breathless, crying, and saying, +"Now don't,--oh! pray don't," but I lunged fast, furiously, brutally, +and all I heard was, "oh! pray,--pray now,--oh!--oh!--oh! pray," as I +was spending in her holding her tight, kissing her after I had forced +her. Her tears ran down. If I had not committed a rape it looked +uncommonly like one, and began to think so as I lay with my prick up +her. + +I got off her, saw for an instant her legs wide open, cunt and thighs +wet and bloody, she crying, sobbing, rubbing her eyes. I was now in a +complete funk, I had heard field-women so light spoken of, that they +were so accessible, that I expected only to go up a road that had often +been travelled. This resistance and crying upset me, the more so when at +length rising, she said, "I'll tell my sister, and go to the magistrate, +and tell how you have served me out." + +I really had violated her, saw that it would bear that complexion before +a magistrate, so would not let her go, but retained her, coaxed, begged, +and promised her money. I would love her, longed for her again, would +take her from the fields, and every other sort of nonsense a man would +utter under the circumstances. She ceased crying, and stood in sullen +mood as I held her, asking me to let her go. I took out my purse, and +offered her money which she would not take, but eyed wishfully as I kept +chinking the gold in my hand. What a temptation bright sovereigns must +have been to a girl who earned ninepence a day, and often was without +work at all. + +In an hour and a half I suppose, old Smith came back, he had really got +a parcel for her to take. She began to cry, and blurted out that the +gentleman had insulted her. "What, has he kissed you?" "More than +that,--boo hoo." "What has he done?" "Been dirty with me,--and I'll tell +my sister, and go to the justice." + +"Pough child," said Smith, "he arn't done you any harm,--a gent like +him,--don't make a fuss,--make it up,--it's all fair yer know twixt a +young man, and a maid,--daresay yer wanted him to be dirty with you,--a +gent like him, you ought to be proud of sich a one making love to +you,--here, take this parcel, and be off." + +"Take the sovereign (she had refused it before), I'll give you more +another day; it will help to keep you a while,--hold your tongue, and no +one will know," said I. She hesitated, pouted, wriggled her shoulders, +but at last took the sovereign, and took up the parcel, saying she would +tell her sister. Then said the foreman, "None o' that gal, an' I hears +more on that, you won't work here any more, nor anywheres else in this +parish,--I knows the whole lot on you, I knows who got yer sister's +belly up,--she at her age, she ought to be ashamed on her-self, and I +knows summut about you too,--now take care gal." "I've done nothing to +be ashamed on," said the girl, "you're a hard man to the women, they all +say so,--ohe!--ohe!" "Well there," said he dropping his bullying tone, +"the squire won't harm you; I think you be in luck if he loikes you, say +you nought;--that be my advice". The girl muttering went her way. + +I followed her (it was getting dark), was so kind and coaxing, promised +her so many fine things (I'm not sure I didn't say I'd marry her), +that as we neared the village, the little lass let me pull her into a +convenient grassy corner, and fuck her again. She promised she'd say +nothing to anyone about it. + +Next morning I had a fear, and was annoyed with myself. If the girl said +anything it would be all over the parish in the afternoon, and in my +aunt's ears the next day; all that for a dirty little farm-laborer. I +had had none of that sensuous delight which both mentally and physically +is found in getting into a virgin, had never thought of having her as +one, nor did I recollect much cunt resistance to my penetration; but she +certainly was a virgin. In my furious lust, and with my unbendable +stiff prick I must have hit the mark, and burst through it at one or two +cunt-rending shoves. She had given a loud cry in the midst of it, "Oh! +pray now,--oh! pray,"--but I had heeded it not. What excited me was her +youth, her size, and the idea of having a little cunt with but little +hair on it, something smaller than Molly's. In bed, thinking of, and +funking consequences, I longed for a girl still smaller, for one with no +hair on her cunt at all. On further reflection I calmed. She had taken +the money, and let me do it a second time; it was all right, and I rose, +and went to the scene of my exploit. + +The girl was not at work in the fields, and my funk returned. "Smith," +said I, "is Nelly (let's call her Nelly) here?" "No, nor her sisters," +"Sisters?" "Yes there are two; one a woman called ------ very much +older, the other younger than Nelly, and the young un they says be with +kid." + +I went to the farm-yard, there saw Fred talking to Molly, "Ulloh, you +have taken a letch there." "I'll have her," said he. Pender went across +the yard. "I would sooner have her," said I. "Aye, a damned fine woman, +but coarse, smells strong I should say when she sweats, or is randy, and +I like them younger." I was jealous about Molly, and walked away. Fred +joined me, and after dinner, I like a fool told him all about the girl +ravished in the root-shed in the Twelve-Acre field. + +"Was she a virgin?--she is a plump little bitch,--you were in luck,--oh! +never fear there will be no row; the saying down here is, 'They all take +it by the time they have half-an-inch of hair on their cunts.' She will +be rather proud you have fucked her than otherwise. Has she much hair +there?--has she any bubbies?" I told him all I knew, which was but +little, not recollecting even if she had any cunt-wig at all. + +Next day the two sisters were at work again. I told Smith that after his +dinner I wished to speak to the girl. The old cock-bawd told me to wait +at the root-shed; and the girl came there to fetch his handkerchief which +he left purposely. When she saw me how she started. No, she had told no +one, but was not going to let me do what I liked. A kiss. "I don't like +your hand on my legs,--oh! now you said you would not,--take your hand +away." + +My finger was on her cunt, I was feeling what little hair she had, my +finger went up it, oh! how tight it was! "Now darling let me, I won't +let you go till you do,--there, what a dear little belly,--let me kiss +it." "They will wonder why I am gone so long,--my sister will be asking +questions,--do let me go." "No." "Oh!" I had her on the straw. "Be quiet +dear,--my prick's up you,--be quiet,--a--h!--ah!" + +With her cunt well buttered off she ran. I buttoned up. Just then at the +door appeared Fred holding his sides and laughing. "What's up Fred?" "Oh +I--oh!--oh!" "What's the fun?" "Oh!--oh!--I've been looking at you fuck +the little bitch. I saw her go in, and you go to the shed an hour ago, +but did not know you were there then, so thought I would like the young +one; it's five days since I've had a woman, and as I was going in heard +your two voices, listened and looked till you had done the job." + +"It's a damned unhandsome thing," said I in a rage. "You would have +looked at me if you had caught me," said Fred. "You leave the girl +alone, it's my manor." "All right, but I'll have little Molly, I have +given her a kiss." Off he went, leaving me jealous about that one as +well. He was treading on my heels a little too much to please me. + +Four women I had poked now, being like a cock among hens, cared about +neither, but could not bear the idea of Fred going up them, though +I knew it was useless to try to prevent the young squire, the future +master, a fine officer. Pender said to me one day, "The squire means +harm to Molly; it's a shame for an officer like him to harm a poor girl; +I caught him kissing her, and putting his hands up her petticoats. I'll +tell Missus if I see any more of it." "Do," said I, "you tell my aunt." + +So she did, and aunt requested Fred not to go to the farm-yard, and +Molly was all but locked up. In a few days Fred said it was damned slow, +and went to London. I for a change went with him. + +My departure put Pender in tears, she did all she could to get me up +her, and before I left I got Molly into the loft on promising never to +ask her again, and there had my first good look at her belly and cunt, +and fucked her. Nursemaid I advised to avoid the page, or I would never +have anything to do with her more. She grinned and said, "What a loss". +Nelly I caught in the lane, fucked her and she promised to be chaste and +never let any other man put his finger on her. Then I departed with Fred +to virtuous London. + +Before leaving, Mrs. Pender said, "I'm afeard I'm in trouble, my +poorliness ain't come on for two months now." + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + Laura and Fred.--Vauxhall amusements.--A juvenile harlot--A + linen stopper.--The hairless and the hairy.--Ten and forty.-- + A snub.--At my aunt's.--Nursemaid and page missing.-- + Pender with child.--Molly and Giles caught.--Mr. Pender's + letch. + +Theatre every night, heavy lunches, heavy dinners, much wine, and cigars +never out of my mouth, that was the first few days proceedings. Fred +was keeping a woman named Laura of whom I shall say more; she was always +with us. I don't recollect having a woman for a few days, but it may +have been otherwise. On the fifth or sixth night we went to Vauxhall +Gardens to a masquerade. It was a rare lark in those days. A great fun +of mine was getting into a shady walk, tipping the watchman to let me +hide in the shrubs, and crouching down to hear the women piss. I have +heard a couple of hundred do so on one evening, and much of what they +said. Such a mixture of dull and crisp baudiness I never heard in short +sentences elsewhere. Although I had heard a few similar remarks when I +waited in the cellars of the gun-factory, it was nothing like those +at Vauxhall, and it amused me very much. There were one or two darkish +walks where numbers of women on masquerade nights went to piss, and many +on other nights. + +At supper Laura said, "Where have you been the last hour?" I laughed. +"Tell us." "Hiding in the shrubs where ladies go by ones, twos, and +threes without men." Laura understood. "Serves them right, they should +go to the women's closets; but you are dirty." "Well it was such a lark +hearing them piddle and talk." Fred always coarse said he never knew a +woman piss off so quickly as Laura. Laura slapped his head. She had +not been gay, and was very modest in manner and expression; but loved a +baudy joke not told in coarse language. + +The signal sounded for fireworks. Off we ran to get good places. I cared +more about women than fireworks, and lagged behind, seeing the masquers +and half-dressed women running and yelling ( fun was fast and +loose then). I passed a woman leading a little girl dressed like a +ballet-girl, and looked at the girl who seemed about ten years old, then +at the woman, who winked. I stopped, she came up and said, "Is she not +a nice little girl?" I don't recollect having had any distinct intention +at the time I stopped; but at her words ideas came into my head. +She,--what a small cunt,--no hair on that. "Yes a nice little girl," +I replied. "Would you like to see her undressed?" "Can I fuck her?" I +whispered. The little girl kept tugging the woman's hand and saying, +"Oh! do come to the fireworks." "Yes if you like,--what will you give?" +I agreed to give I think three sovereigns, a good round sum for a +common-place poke then. + +She told me to go out of the gardens first, get a cab, and stop at +a little way from the entrance. In three minutes the woman and child +joined me. At about five minutes drive from Vauxhall we stopped, walked +a little way, turned down a street, and after telling me to wait one or +two minutes, she opened the door of a respectable little house with a +latch-key, went in and closed it. A minute afterwards she opened the +door, and treading lightly as she told me, I found myself in a parlour +out of which led a bed-room, both well furnished. Enjoining me to speak +in a low tone I sat down, and contemplated the couple. + +The woman was stout, full-sized, good-looking, dark, certainly forty, +and dressed like a well-to-do tradeswoman. The girl's head was but a few +inches above my waist, and she certainly was not more than ten years, +but for such age as nice and fleshy as could be expected. She had an +anxious look as she stared at me, and I stared at her. The last month's +constant desire to have a cunt absolutely without any hair on it was +to be realized, I was impatient but noticed and remarked, "Why you have +gas!"--a rare thing then in houses. "Beautiful, is it not?" said the +woman, and in a voluptuous and enticing manner began undressing, +until she stood in a fine chemise, a pair of beautiful boots, and silk +stockings. Engrossed with the girl whom I was caressing, I scarcely +had noticed the woman; but as she pulled up her chemise to tighten her +garter, and showed much of a very white thigh, I said, "I've made a +mistake, I did not mean you." "No," said she, "but it's all the same." +She came to me, pinched my cock outside saying "oho" as she found it +stiff, and then undressed the child to her chemise. I had white trowsers +and waistcoat on, and was anxious about rumpling them; At my request she +drew my white trowsers off over my boots with great care; then divesting +myself of coat and waistcoat I stood up with prick spouting. "Look +there,--feel it Mary." The girl not obeying she took her little hand, +and made her feel it. Sitting down I lifted the girl on to my knees, and +put my hand between her little thigh. + +"Give me the three pounds," said the woman. All my life I have willingly +paid women before my pleasure; but thought I was going to be done so +demurred, and asked if she supposed I was not a gentleman, took out my +purse, showed I had plenty of money gave her one sovereign, and promised +the others directly I had the child,--and then pulled off my boots. + +We went into the bed-room, she lighted candles, the gas streamed in +through the open door. "Lay down Mary," said she. "Oh! he ain't going to +do it like the other man,--you said no one should again", said the girl +whimpering. "Be quiet you little fool, he won't hurt you,--open your +legs." Pushing her back, or rather lifting her up, there I saw a +little light-pink slit between a pair of thighs somewhat bigger than a +full-sized man's calves; the little cunt had not a sign of hair on it. +To pull open the lips, to push up my finger, to frig it, smell it, then +lick it was the work of a minute. I was wild, it was realization of the +baudy dreamy longings of the last few weeks. I was scarcely conscious +that the old one had laid hold of my prick, and was fast bringing me to +a crisis. + +Pushing her hand away I placed my prick against the little cunt which +seemed scarcely big enough for my thumb, and with one hand was placing +it under the little bum, when the girl slipped off the bed crying. "Oh! +don't let him,--the other did hurt so,--he shan't put it in." + +"Don't do it to her, she is so young," said the woman in a coaxing tone. +"Why that is what I came for." "Never mind, it hurts _her_, have _me_, I +am a fine woman, look," and she flung herself on the bed, and pulled up +her chemise, disclosing a fine form, and to a randy man much that was +enticing. "Look at my hair, how black it is,--do you like tassels?" said +she, and throwing up her arms out of her chemise, she showed such a mass +of black hair on her arm-pits, as I have rarely seen in other women, and +rarely in an English woman at all. + +"What the devil did you bring me here for,--it was for her, not you, I +hate hair,--I like a cunt without hair." + +"Have me, and look at her cunt whilst you do it,--here Mary," and she +pulled the young one to the bed cunt upwards. But disappointed, lewd, +and savage, I swore till she begged me not to make a noise, and saying, +"Well,--well,--well,--so you shall,--hold your tongue (to the girl), he +won't hurt you,--look his cock is not big." She pulled the girl on to +the edge of the bed again, and brought her cunt up to the proper level +with the bolster and pillows. Then said the woman, "Let me hold your +cock, you must not put it far in, she is so young." I promised I would +only sheath the tip; but she declared I should not unless she held it. +"Wrap your handkerchief round it," said she. I did so, and that +left only half its length uncovered. Impetuously I tore the white +handkerchief into pieces, wrapped round about an inch of the stem of +my prick with it, which then looked as if it was wounded, and bound up; +then hitting the little pink opening I drove up it. I doubted whether I +should enter so small it was. It held my prick like a vise, but up her +cunt I was, the woman promising the child money, to take her to Vauxhall +again, and so on, and then put her hand over her mouth to prevent her +hollowing,--she did not hollow at all really. + +I spent almost instantly, and coming to my senses held her close up to +my prick by her thighs,--there was no difficulty so light a weight was +she. There I stood for a minute or two. "My prick is small now," said I, +"unroll the handkerchief." "No," said the woman. "I will give you ten +shillings extra if you do, my prick can't hurt now." The oddity of a +woman attempting to unroll from a prick a slip of white rag, whilst the +prick was up a cunt; but out came my prick from the little hole before +she could accomplish it. + +Desire had not left me, holding the thighs open I dropped on my knees, +my prick flopping, and saw the little cunt covered with thick sperm. +There lay the girl, there stood the woman, neither speaking nor moving, +till my eyes had had their voluptuous enjoyment. "I will give you +another sovereign now, and then fuck her again." "All right," said the +woman. "But she must not wash." "All right". I gave it, then took the +girl up like a baby, one hand just under the bum, so that the spunk +might fall on my hand if it dropped out, and laid her on the sofa in the +parlour, where the gas flared brightly, opened her thighs wide, gloated, +and talked baudily till my prick stood again. + +Then I lifted her back on to the bed, and rolled the strip of +handkerchief round the stem again; but I longed to hurt her, to make her +cry with the pain my tool caused her, I would have made her bleed if +I could; so wrapped it round in such a manner, that with a tug I could +unroll it. The woman did not seem so anxious now about my hurting her. + +Sperm is a splendid cunt-lubricator, my prick went in easier, but still +she cried out. Now I measured my pleasure. With gentle lingering pushes +I moved up and down in her. Under pretense of feeling my prick, I had +loosened the handkerchief, then tore the rag quite away, and afterwards +lifted her up, and then with her cunt stuck tight and full with my pego, +and both hands round her bum tightly, I walked holding her so into the +sitting-room to a large glass. There seeing my balls hanging down under +her little arse, I shoved and wriggled, holding her like a baby on me, +her hands round my neck, she whining that I was hurting her, the woman +hushing, and praying me to be gentle, till I spent again. I held her +tight to me in front of the glass, her thighs wide apart, my balls +showing under her little buttocks, till my prick again shrunk, and my +sperm ran from her cunt down my balls. Then I un-cunted, and sat down on +a chair. We were both stark naked. + +The girl sat down on a foot-stool, the woman sat in her chemise. I gave +her the remaining money, and to the little one some silver. Although I +had had her twice, I scarcely had looked at her; both fucks must +have been done in ten minutes. Now I longed to see the little cunt +tranquilly. "Let me wash her cunt," said I. "You can," said the old one. +I took the girl into the bed-room, she left a large gobbet of sperm on +the stool, which the old one wiped off. I washed her cunt, threw her +on the bed, and looked at the little quim. It seemed impossible I could +have been up it; but from that day I knew a cunt to be the most elastic +article in the world, and believed the old woman's saying, that a prick +can always go up where a finger can. + +Then after cuddling her, straddling between her legs and feeling my +balls hanging between her thighs by passing my hand round her arse, +I laid her on the bed, took a glance at the little cunt from a slight +distance, and saw the old one in an exciting posture. She had thrown +herself on the bed, and resting her head on one hand was watching me. +Her chemise had slipped from her shoulders showing big white breasts, +and the black thicket of hair in one arm-pit. Her chemise was up to her +waist, one leg was bent up, the fat calf pressed against a fat thigh, +the other extended along the bed, the thighs wide open, the middle +finger of her left hand on her cunt, whose mass of black hair creeping +up her belly and along the line of junction with the thighs could not +be hidden by her hand. She was frigging her clitoris with her +middle-finger, and she smiled invitingly. "Come and do it to me, I do +want it so,--I have not had a poke for a fortnight." + +My love of a fat arse, and a big hairy cunt returned suddenly. I stood +turning my eyes, first to the little hairless orifice, then to the +full-lipped split, then to the little pink cunt, and then back again +to the matured cunt. "Come, do me." "I must go." "Why?" "I came to have +her." "So you have,--now have me,--you can have her again if you like +after." "Can I?" "Yes,--oh! come, I am so randy." "It's late." "Stop +all night." I said I would. Off the bed she got, put a nightgown on the +child, laid her on the sofa, told her to go to sleep, and throwing off +her boots and stockings, got on to the bed again. + +I threw off my socks. "Shall I be naked?" said she. "Yes, it is very +hot." Off went her chemise, and the next instant cuddling up to me, +she was tugging at my prick, kissing me, and using every salacious +stimulant. Though a hot night, naked as we both were we felt a chill, so +covered ourselves with a sheet. + +"How old are you?" said I. "Guess." "More than forty." "I am not +thirty-eight, although I am so stout,--feel how firm my flesh is,--how +my breasts keep up." I threw down the sheet to see her fully. She was +delighted, turned round and round, opened her thighs, pulled open her +cunt, exposed herself with the freedom of a French whore, and by the +time I had seen all my prick was at fever heat, and I fucked her. Our +nakedness was delightful. + +We talked afterwards. She was not the mother, nor the aunt, though the +child called her so; the child was parentless, she had taken charge of +her and prevented her going to the work-house. She was in difficulties, +she must live, the child would be sure to have it done to her some day, +why not make a little money by her? Some one else would, if she did not. +So spoke the fat middle-aged woman. + +I was sleepless. After an hour or two I longed to see them side by side, +that strange contrast in age and size, to try the difference with my +finger as I had with my prick. She brought in the child, sleepy and +peevish, I plunged my prick in the little one, took it out, and put it +into the woman. It was a delight to feel the difference,--the room in +one, the confinement in the other's cunt. + +The aunt annoyed me by putting her hand between our bellies to prevent +my penetrating too far. It was not the stretching, nor the plugging, it +was the boring too deeply which hurt the little one, she said. + +I laid on my back and put the little one's belly upon me; stretching her +little thighs, I felt round them; and guided my prick up her, then the +aunt put her fingers round my prick and squeezed my balls. How funny to +have that little creature on the top of me; how funny to be able to +feel at the same time a big hairy cunt at my side. Such thoughts and +emotions finished me, and after spending in the little one, she again +went to the sofa, then with my arse to the aunt's arse we went to sleep. + +She was the youngest I ever yet have had, or have wished to have. We +laid abed till about mid-day. I fucked as much as I ever did in my life, +and found that a tiny cunt although it might satisfy a letch, could not +give the pleasure that a full developed woman could. Tight as it was, +it had not that peculiar suction, embrace, and grind, that a full-grown +woman's or girl's has. When I was getting drier and drier, the old one +stiffened my prick, and I put it into the child; but oscillate my +arse as I might, I could not get a spend out of me; then in the aunt's +clipping though well stretched cunt, I got my pleasure in no time. A +fuck is barely a fuck if a man's prick is but half up a girl, it wants +engulfing. A very young girl never has the true jerk of her arse, nor +the muscular clip in her cunt; so if a languid prick be put up it, it +will slip out, unless the letch be strong; whereas a flabby, done-for +prick, once in the cunt of a grown women may be resuscitated, and made +to give pleasure to both, if she uses the muscular power which nature +has given her between bum-hole, buttocks, and navel. + +We eat and drank, I paid liberally, and with empty ballocks and a flabby +tool went away. White trowsers and a black tail-coat were then full +evening dress at Vauxhall; but ludicrous in the day. I recollect feeling +ashamed as I walked out in that dress in the sun-shine. She would +not fetch a cab as she was most anxious about noise. She gave me full +instructions where to write and have the girl again. About a fortnight +afterwards I made an appointment, but she did not keep it. I went to +the house and asked for her; a woman opened the door. "Do you know +her?" said she. "Yes." "She is not here, and I don't know where she has +gone,--perhaps you're as bad as she is," and she slammed the door in my +face. A few years passed away before I took a letch for a hairless cunt +again,--and then I was a poor man. + +We went to Vauxhall on an ordinary night, and I showed Fred where I had +heard and seen the girls make water. Laura I got to like, and she to +like me which led to something at a later date. In about three weeks or +more I went back to my aunt's, through an indefinable longing to poke +in a quiet intriguing way, the women I had had there. In London I had +changed my women twice a day, and fucked every nice French women who +walked in Regent Street. + +My mother was again going to see my aunt, and was delighted that I would +go with her. Fred had gone to Paris with Laura, and wanted me to go, but +money was getting short with me, for I had been heavily robbed, and as +ten pounds a day (a large sum then) was the usual cost of Paris to me, I +declined, and to the old Hall went with mother. + +I did not see nursemaid or page. "You have a new nursemaid for Joey," +said I to my aunt. "We dismissed the other, we found her to be an +improper character,--and Robert has gone,--he was too big," said she. +For two or three days I could not get Pender, who looked miserable when +I met her, shook her head, and looked up to the skies. I went with my +mother and aunt to the farm one day, Pender for a second stopped behind, +and said to me in a hurried whisper, "I _am_ in the family way," and +then ran after my aunt. + +Next day I saw her for a second. "Meet me next Sunday at------." "I +must," said she. We had no opportunity of speaking before, for her +husband or some one was always in the way. To make sure I next day +slipped an envelope into her hand, in which was one addressed to myself, +and a scribble asking her to say where I was to meet her. It came back +by post containing in execrable writing the words, "My dear, same time, +and place, if he be out, on Saturday night." I did not comprehend, but +waited outside her cottage that night. She did not show. On Sunday I +went to ------, and long after eleven she appeared. Soon we were in the +room over the beer-shop. + +"I am in the family way, whatever shall I do?" I had thought over this, +and replied, "Well, you have a husband, so it does not matter." "I don't +think he will believe it's his." "He can't say it is not, and will be +proud of it." "That may be true, I did not think of that," said she, and +until I had fucked her I learn't no more. + +I referred to the change in the servants at the Hall. "Oh!" said Pender +eagerly, "there has been a row; do you recollect the nursemaid?--well +they saw her feeling--hoh! hoh!"--she burst out laughing,--"feeling +the page's thing,--hoh! ho! ho!" "Feeling his prick?" "Yes,--ho! ho! +ho!--and Missus turned her and page out the same night,--ho! ho! ho!" +laughed Pender. "She was a dirty hussy." "Why?" "Why a woman like that +to be taking liberties with a boy like that, a hobble-de-hoy; poor Molly +told me that one day when he came here he pulled out his thing before +her." "What, Molly?" said I, thinking the young girl had had manifold +temptations. "Yes, poor thing." "Why poor thing?" "Well I am sorry for +her; I told Missus about the young squire as you told me, and Missus +told her mother to look sharp after her,--and so she did, and found that +she used to get out of a night and meet Giles,--you know Giles?" "No I +don't," said I lying. "He works here sometimes, you must have seen him," +said Pender. "No." "Well he works here, is a likely young chap, but +Molly's mother hates him,--well she watched and watched, till one night +she caught them, and him on top of her in the large barn,--he had got +through the wicket on the far-yard wicket." "How could she do that?" +Pender explained to me what I knew perfectly well. + +"On the top of her?" "Yes they were a doing it.--and she hit him hard on +the head with a stick, and nearly stunned him before they knew she were +there." "Who hit?" "Why her mother, he were nearly insensible." + +"Then Mrs. Brown asked me what to do, and I said he had better marry +her, and she said he should not. So she went to Missus, asked her +advice, and on account of Molly's character to say nothing about finding +Giles taking liberties with her daughter. Missus said Giles at the end +of the week was to be sent off,--and he's gone. Mrs. Brown scarcely lets +Molly out of the house, and when I sees her I laughs to myself. That +a young thing like that has had it done to her. Her mother told me you +know,--I have sworn to tell nobody, but I don't mind telling you." "She +has seen two pricks," said I, "page Robert's and Giles' ". "Yes she +has." + +I wondered whether he had spent when he felt the stick on his head. "I +think he had," said she, "for Mrs. Brown said she found his stuff on her +child's chemise. Every day there is a row between them, Molly says she +will go to service, her mother says she shan't, and that she will turn +out a bunter, and bring her in her age with sorrow to the grave. Poor +thing." + +"Pugh," said I, "why make such a fuss about such a natural action?" +"Well it be natural," said Pender, "but she might have waited, she is +very young." + +In the family way Pender was, and by me,--of that I had no doubt. Pender +thought it was done the first time I had her in the rick-yard. "Did +he not do it about that time?" I asked. Pender hesitated, and on being +pressed to reply at length said, "It's funny, I am always thinking about +it, but it is a fact that he did it that very night; and when you +have done it, he generally do it also that night. I can't account for +it,--can't abear him to do it when you have,--can't abear his doing it +at all now, and he does it more than he used." "You spend with him?" "I +don't,--I hate him then, I hate him altogether since I have known you." + +Now for a bit of experience which I write now, and years after I wrote +this chapter of my narrative. I had a married woman who was fond of me. +She assured me that whenever I had her, it was perfectly certain that +her husband would do it to her that night. She thought that my fucking +acted as a charm to fetch the other man. He neglected her for other +women, and used, although a young vigorous man, to do it but rarely to +her; but whenever my sperm had suffused itself in her cunt, his went +there the same night. "You spend too then?" said I. "I do," said she, +"I think so much of you, so much of the coincidence and go home so +wondering whether he will do it or not, that directly he pulls me about +I think of you, and then fancy it is you doing it to me, not him, and I +spend. I am angry with myself afterwards, but can't help it." + +Pender had said her mother was unwell as an excuse to get to------, so +must be back quickly. She was lying speechless, with eyes closed and my +prick up her, I silently reposing on her, when the clock struck. Up she +jumped, uncunting me, saying, "I must go, I am to fetch the dinner from +the bake-house, then I must get back home, unless P. comes," and rapidly +off she went scarcely dressed, and without washing her cunt. + + + + +CHAPTER X. + + Nelly and Sophy.--The beer-house again.--Sophy's belly.--On + the road.--Against a tree.--At the baudy house with Sophy.-- + Her narrative.--Tom and the three sisters.--Fred on the + scent.--Pender's troubles. + +I had some food at an hotel, then returning on foot saw at the end of +the lane two peasant girls in their Sunday finery. I looked at first +without recognizing them, but as I got close saw one was Nelly, the +girl I had raped. She stopped, I smiled. "You here, why?" "Taking a walk +sir." "Come with me." She hesitated, looked at the other girl. "Never +mind," said I, "bring your friend with you." Two minutes brought us to +the beer-house again. "Stay here," said I. I went to the side entrance +which was up a yard, told the woman who stared when she opened the door +to me to show the girls up the other way. They came through the shop, +and stood curtsying when they came into the little sitting room. + +I wanted Nelly when I saw her, and hence what I did; but was embarrassed +now, for with the other in the room I did not know how to proceed +without compromising her; so sent for some spirits. They sat sheepishly. +I said to Nelly with the view of getting rid of the other, "Perhaps your +friend would like to call for you presently." "She is my sister," said +Nelly. Impulsively I cried, "Your sister?"--"why she is the girl who was +in the family way before she was fourteen." + +"Oo--h!" said Nelly's sister, "what a lie,--what a shame to say such +things of a girl,--who said so?" I was disconcerted. "I heard it, but +can't recollect who." Nelly never spoke, but sat looking at me with her +tongue out on one side, and a funny expression in her eye. "I'll go," +said her sister. "Don't go," said Nelly, "the gent's asked us in, and +will be offended,--won't you sir?" "Yes," I replied. + +The liquor came, I dosed them with it, and a letch for the sister came +over me. "She in family way, that young thing,--is it so?--how I should +like to see her belly." My conversation got warm, then baudy, the girls +got warm, and laughed at my smut. From kissing one, I got to kiss the +other, then to pinch, poke and feel their legs, I spoke about women +being in the family way, made light of it, wished I was so myself, and +so on, and they let out as the liquor worked, and I questioned. + +The younger was a little over fourteen years old, Nelly only eleven +months older. Said I, "A girl can't be in the family way before she +is fourteen." "Oh! yes she can," said Nelly. "How do you know?" She +laughed. I plied the liquor, got the young one on to my knee, and my +hand up her clothes. A yell, a threat to go, "nonsense," from Nelly. +Then I shoved my hand up Nelly's petticoats,--which she permitted +quietly. Then I had a strange whim. + +"Stand close together with your backs to me, and put your hands behind +you, and I will give you something before you go; then each shall ask +the other to guess what I have put in her hand." They did, and expected +money. I pulled out my prick and balls, one girl's hand I guided under +my balls, the other's round my prick. They touched at the same time +and knew what it was, and turning round, "It's his thing," said the +youngest. + +"You knew it was a man's prick," said I. "you have felt one, and one has +been into you,--let's feel your cunt, do,--you are in the family way, I +know you are." + +Then I sat between them, talking outrageous baudi-ness with my prick +out. "Come into the other room," said I, "and let me see if you are in +the family way, and I will give you this (producing a sovereign); if +you are, or are not, you shall have it." She refused, but eyed the +sovereign. Said Nelly, "Well, I wish he would ask me." "So I do, but she +shall come first, you afterwards." The girl asked, "How will you tell?" +"My dear I shall lay you on the bed, throw up your clothes, look at +your belly, and feel your cunt." "I shan't then." "Then you won't get +a sovereign," and I put it bye. "I'll go with you," said Nelly, but +I would not accept her offer. There was a pause, the sister sat +reflecting, her gaiety was gone. + +Soon afterwards I renewed the request. "Let him," said Nelly, "he won't +talk, he don't know people in the village." The girl shook her head +sullenly, Nelly looked at me nodded her head, and put her tongue out. +I did not know what it meant, at last guessed. "Is she?" I asked. Nelly +kept on nodding. "Well Nelly says you are in the family way." The girl +began to cry. "What's the good of crying?" said Nelly, "you can't hide +it long." The girl kept silently crying. I persuaded, Nelly persuaded, +and at last she came into the bed-room. I could feel the poor little +girl's hard belly, lifting her clothes I opened her thighs and looked; +then she resisted, but a little only. I frigged her, kissed her a +little, coaxed her, and then fucked her. She spent freely. It's my luck +to get sisters. + +"Tell me Sophy all about it,--how long since you were got in the family +way?--your sister will wait." + +She counted on her fingers and said, "Four months and about a week." +"Are you sure?" "Yes." "How can you tell?" "I have never been done but +on one day." "Nonsense." "It's true." "Do you mean that once putting it +up you got you in the family way?" "I didn't mean that," said she, "he +were only once with me, but he did it all night, and nearly all the next +day." "A dozen times?" "Don't know, I was so ill, so sleepy." "Who is +the father?" She shook her head. "I can't say,--dare not,--it would +be worse for me if I did." "What are you going to do?" "Go to the +work-house if they won't keep me," said the poor girl crying again. She +was rather watery headed. + +It was an exciting termination to the day. After frigging her till she +was in the seventh heaven, I fucked her again. It was the same bed I had +fucked Pender on. + +"You've been an hour," said Nelly when we went in, "what have you been +doing?" "Nothing but examining." The girl stuck to that also. "Oh! +gammon," said Nelly. + +"You come now," said I. She would not, was sulky, and another hour went +away. It was getting late, I pulled Nelly into an open-legged posture +over mine as I sat on the chair, and lifted her clothes. Her back was +to her sister. I got my cock between her legs, it rubbed her thighs, but +she slipped away, turned sulky, and would not let me fuck her, though I +felt her. They left, and I directly after. + +When clear of the town, and on the road it got dark, I joined them and +learnt where Sophy lived, and could be met. Because Nelly would not let +me I felt a want for her and made baudy requests. She got randy, and +told Sophy to go ahead. Then I got her up against a large tree, and +straddling my legs wide to get into her, found it difficult as she was +short, but was poking her with vigor when we heard footsteps and voices. +"Oh!" said she, "let me go, it's so and so." Although I held her on my +peg, grasping her bum, and hoping to spend before they came up, I being +empty was long about it, so she uncunted me, and slipped away just in +time. It was two or three men she knew, who seeing girls ahead ran after +them, I dodging round the tree as they ran past. They over-took the +girls, I followed at a distance sufficiently near to hear their low +chaff, their attempts to kiss the girls, and the yells of the sluts when +they attempted more. + +When I saw Pender again I heard that her husband had for some reason +gone to ------ on the Sunday she was there with me. He stayed, and took +his wife home. "Did he do you?" said I. She colored up. "It be a fact he +did,--it be most curious. I were hot with running, and fetched the meat +from the bake-house. After dinner he said, 'Well you do look comely, you +do today, where 'as you been?', and he pulled me on his knees, and put +his hands up my clothes,--and in all my life he never had done such a +thing afore in daytime. Says he, 'Lass we'll have a game at mother and +father.' Said I, 'Why P., you must have been drinking,' He pulls me down +on to sister's bed which were in the corner of the room, and I would not +let him. He says, 'Don't make a row, for I means it', and so I let him +do it" + +Such games went on until full Autumn, I was always after one or the +other as fancy led, or opportunity offered; but was obliged to be more +and more cunning, for fear I should be found out. Although I had heavy +fucking at times, yet had good rests between. It was a jolly time, but +mainly with three of the four women now. Nelly got the most of my cock +at first, Sophy very soon after. + +The little one in the family way had taken my fancy. I fucked her in +the lane and fields, but mainly upright, the grass being now damp. One +evening we went to the baudy house. I had pleasure in fucking her, but +she was always crying. "Why do you meet me?" said I. "To get money to +help me if they turn me out." "When?" "When they find I am in the family +way." At last but with difficulty, I got out of her much about her +seducer and give the narrative as near as I can in its order. + +"Yes it is a big man, a fine, tall man, and quite a man, not old, not +young.--Oh! I dare not say who, it would be worse for me (a cry),--you +won't tell Nelly,--how came you to know my sister?--do you do anything +to her?--now do tell me." "Well tell me your history, and perhaps I will +tell you about Nelly." + +"Well he got into bed with me saying, 'It's cold,--and it were,--let's +lay here, it will be no harm, no one will know.' I said I would hollow, +but there was no one in the house--Now I am letting out, and I won't." +She stopped, and would not tell more. + +Persuasion, kisses, promises, and she answered my questions again. "He +cuddled me, he was big and strong, and I could not help it; and then he +pulled up my shimmy, and his shirt was up, and he put his belly close to +mine." "Then his prick was up against your belly?" "I shan't say," said +she with a modest fit, no sham. "Was it?--was it just as my prick now +is?" Her story was exciting me, I pulled her belly up to mine, and my +prick, a right good stiff one was between us. "I suppose it were," said +she, "I don't recollect, all seems in a muddle, he hurt me dreadful, I +screamed, he put something over my mouth, and I don't know no more; but +he was doing it right up, and I were hollowing,--and then I cried." + +"Are you sure you cried out?" "I hollowed I know, but I knowed there +was no one to hear." "Then you were in the house alone?" "Yes." "What +house?" "I shan't say,--Nelly is always asking, and I _won't_ say,--you +won't tell her, will you now sir, what I have told you?" + +"I don't recollect more," she went on, "but he lay on me, oh! a long, +long time." "Not up you?" "Yes oh! a long time." "Did he keep on +fucking?" "He kept on a doing it and stopping,--no he never pulled it +out, at last I fainted or slept I suppose, for when I recollect more he +was out of bed. Then he got into bed, and he did the same I can't say +how many times. When it were day I said, 'Ain't you going to work?' and +he said, 'No. If any one comes they will think I am gone, and if you say +a word if anyone knocks I will murder you.' Then he got up, and showed +me his razor, and said, 'Do you see that?--I bloody well mean it, mind.' +Then he got into bed again, and he did it again." + +"Did you like it?" "I don't know, I was all pain, but I think I must at +last; I was so muddled like and ill I could not move. Then he dressed +and says, says he, 'If ever you tell I'll cut your bloody throat; now +you say you were ill, and stopped at home from work', and he went away +to his work." I guessed she had been raped. + +Another day I had Nelly, and questioned her. She said she wanted to +know, but did not; she guessed, but dared not say. Sophy had said there +would be murder if she told who the father was, but she guessed. She was +only eleven months older than Sophy, who must have been in the family +way just before she was fourteen, had had her courses when thirteen +years old, and was "hankering after the chaps" quite early. "Mother +used to slap her for it." Nelly's courses had only recently come on, she +said. + +Sophy although younger and slighter built, had more hair on her cunt +than Nelly, and gave me the idea of being older. Neither were tall, both +were larger in their thighs, haunches, and bubbies, than town girls of +the same age, as far as I can recollect. + +I can't recollect the order, but only the broader features of this part +of my amorous history. I think that after the Sunday when I had Pender +and Sophy I could not get to Pender, for the farm-yard from morning +to night was full of laborers; so busied myself with Sophy, who two or +three times the same week met me at ------ and what I have narrated was +told me there. It delighted me to hear about her virgin offering, it +made my cock stand. Then I would fuck the little wench, and make her +arse wag like the tail of a duck that had a thwack with a stone, then +would question her again. If she said she should say no more, I used to +remind her of what she had let out on the previous night. What delighted +my sensuous imagination, was the evident fact that the man was big, and +with a big prick, and must have kept it up with her without uncunting +till he had fucked her three times. Her praying him to go, trying to get +from under him his grasping her to him so that she could not move, his +laying quiet on her, then commencing his shoves,--all proved it. He +seems to have began his assault on her about nine o'clock one night, and +never went out of the bed till two o'clock the next afternoon. + +"Has he ever done it since?" "Never, he has never had a chance; he has +tried to catch me coming home, but I always come with some one else; he +has asked me, but I never would." "I dare say you egged him on; had he +never made a baudy sign? Never shown you his prick?" "Both Nelly and +I had seen that," said she, "we looked through the key-hole if we +heard--." Here she stopped short, and nothing would make her go on, she +saw she was on the point of giving the key to the riddle. + +I advised her to get as much money as she could, and then if unkind she +might snap her fingers at them. She had kept all I had given her. I had +a feast with her of rump-steak and onions one night; she eat till she +could eat no longer. I toppled her up with hot spirits and water, and +then tumbled on to the bed with her. She was very communicative, I +frigged her about till with a sigh she said, "Oh! let's do it." + +"Tell me who did it to you then, and I'll give you another sovereign +to keep you through your confinement; feel my prick, and tell me." She +reflected, she was so lewd, I knelt on the bed, my prick standing stiff +in front of her face. "You won't ever tell anybody" said she, "will +you?" I swore I would not. + +Rubbing her eyes she hesitated, then said, "Tom." "Who is Tom?" +"Hester's husband." "Who is Hester?" "My sister,--oh! don't tell, or +he will murder me." I saw the whole story at once. In another minute we +were fucking. Afterwards she told me all. + +There were three sisters, Hester married Tom, a laborer; Sophy +lived with them, Nelly lived with their mother. Tom and Hester had +a two-roomed cottage, in one they slept, in the other, which was +sitting-room and kitchen, was a bed in the corner, where slept Sophy. +The mother was dangerously ill, Hester went to assist Nelly attending +her; so Sophy was alone in the house with big Tom, who took the +opportunity to put his big prick into Sophy's little cunt, get her in +the family way, threaten to murder her if she ever told, to turn +Hester into the streets, and do any other amount of deviltry. Sophy was +frightened of Tom and at first of her sisters knowing about her swelling +belly, till it was found out. All was quite probable. I believed it +implicitly. The size of Tom's prick, and the number of times he had done +her were all described with modesty. I pitied the girl, and resolved to +help her. Tom bore I found a bad character, and Hester no better, had +been confined soon after she was married. The child was dead. All three +sisters now lived with Tom since the mother's death. + +"You knew all about fucking long before he did it to you." "Of course we +did. Nelly and I often talked about it, Hester told us what pleasure it +was; we could hear Tom and Hester doing it. Nelly if sleeping with me +used to listen. They used to hang a cloth before the door,--there were +cracks in it,--if they did not, we could see through if there were +light, and sometimes they forgot. Nelly and I have both seen Tom's cock +that way. Once he showed it to me as it were by accident; he was in the +privy, and he called out to me to bring him a leaf. When I took it him +his cock was out and stiff; he grinned, I looked, he took the leaf, and +ran a hole in it with his finger, and put his cock through the hole, +then he said, 'If you tell Hester that, she will turn you out.' So I +never told, but I told Nelly. He did the same to Nelly one day, but we +held our tongues." + +That is all I have to say about Sophy here. I had her from time to time +until within three months of her confinement, for simple curiosity. I +had no pleasure in it when her belly got big, but I kept her in money. + +Nelly I also had. She came a saucy, lewd, low-tongued little bitch; but +I liked her fuck. I found her larking with men, and stroked her more +than once in the lanes. One night I caught her by surprise, and saw some +male going off in the dark as I thought. "That was a fellow with you," +said I. "No it was not." But her cunt had a most unusual wetness. I +hesitated, and said that some one I thought had just wetted her. She was +confused, denied it, and whimpered at my suspicion. I again felt her, +and putting my fingers and thumb together was sure it was spunk, and +turned away; but felt so randy, that I turned back after her, wiped her +cunt with my handkerchief, made her piss, and then fucked her up against +a fence. + +As I relinquished my hold of her bum I heard something fall with a +chink. "Oh!" said she, "I have lost some money." It was very dark, I +picked up the money, could not see what it was, but was sure from the +feel it was gold, and said so. She had got it back before I made the +remark, and would not let me feel it again. "You told me you hid the +money I gave you." "I've been carrying it about for fear of its being +found." I told her she was lying. + +I had been out that day with my gun. On returning found Fred had come +down from town, and been there all day; he had had a quarrel with Laura. +I don't know how it struck me, but I asked, and found he had only just +come in and said to myself, "He has fucked Nelly, it was his money she +dropped, it was his sperm." I did not tell him so then. + +The farm-yard now was never empty, they were thrashing in the barn. +Molly was scarcely visible, and if in the yard her mother was at her +back. When I did see her I winked at her and she laughed. She was +growing wonderfully, and my desires turned to her. I had Pender one +night or so; but a few hurried words, a smooth of the buttocks, a +hurried grope with the finger, a silent kiss or two, shove, shove, shove +like a steam-engine, and a pull out of my prick almost before the spunk +was well out, was all I could get. + +I was out shooting most days, and would walk across the farm-yard just +to see if the coast was clear. After several Sundays had passed I got +Pender again at the baudy house. P. took her being in the family way +rather grumpily, and she hated him since she had been with child. She +loved me, begged me to take her away, where, how, she cared not, so long +as she knew that I alone could have her; she would live alone if I only +came to see her once a month, she said. + +I was sorry for this. What had been pastime to me was going to be misery +to her. I had to show her the impossibility of my keeping her; then she +said she would drown herself. Altogether it was not a very comfortable +meeting apart from the fucking, which was as good as usual I dare say, +though I don't recollect much about it. + +Fred went backwards and forwards to London, I did occasionally, but not +on his days, for he was in my way. I did not tell him now much about my +little games, and got most of my women when he was absent. My mother +and sister also went home, and I was glad of that, but it made it +more needful for me to walk and drive out with aunt and cousins. I +was constantly scheming and dodging how to get one or the other of the +women, and that seemed to give zest to the affair; but I think now that +the pleasure I gave the girls when I had them had much to do with it. +Sophy and Nelly now came after me, as much as I went after them. Each +now knew that I fucked the other. "When did you do it to my sister?" was +a frequent question put by both of them to me. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + Out shooting.--A female carter.--A feel in the train.-- + Molly in London.--Giles in town.--Fred on the scene.--Molly + at the Hall.--Copulation in uniform.--A sham illness.--An + afternoon with Molly.--She turns harlot.--Gets clapped.--Her + baby. + +I was in wonderful condition. Early to bed, out-of-door exercise, good +plain living, everything to make me so. I felt as if I could fuck all +day. If one day I had neither of the women, the next day my prick stood +from morning till I got to sleep at night. When standing quietly in the +woods waiting for the driving of the game, I used if alone to pull out +my prick and look at it, and thinking of cunt forgot to fire at the +rabbits. Once I recollect shooting at a rabbit with my prick out of my +trowsers. + +Among the laborers I had seen was a strapping woman with big legs, +withered face, and parchment skin, middle-aged, yet not actually +bad-looking. The old foreman had said to me, "She ha been the biggest +whore in the parish, I bet that there beant a man but what have had she +when she were young. The first chap as had she, were the banker; she say +it herself. I be sworn she likes a bit yet when she can get it." She was +as strong as a horse, if no one were handy, she would groom a horse, was +often driving a farm-cart, and had the reputation of having whored since +she was fifteen years of age. + +Waiting with my gun by a ride one day, my prick throbbing in my +trowsers; I pulled it out, and felt it, laid down my gun, and in the +trembling state of erection I was in had determined to frig myself; +when I heard the wheels of a cart which soon came in sight. I saw it +was driven by this woman who sat on a shaft with her legs dangling, and +showing her big calves. Lust made me indifferent to consequences, had +it been my grandmother I think I should have done the same. There was +a cunt between those legs, that was enough. I forgot her age, position, +the risk I ran of beaters coming, and everything else; I only thought of +how to ease myself. + +I nodded, "Good morning mother, come and help us a bit," and out stood +my cock in front of her. She laughed, and jumped off the cart which +stopped. "Come here." "No," said she standing still and grinning. I +winked and turned to the left out of the ride, she did the same. Without +preliminary, almost without a word, I laid her on some grass drier than +the rest, and had as good a pleasure out of her as I ever had in my +life, or thought so. She went off with her cunt full, I tipped her. In +a few minutes I was banging at the rabbits again. I don't think I was +three minutes about it, and never had her again nor spoke to her, though +I occasionally saw her and winked. + +"I hait heard much of your gun squire," said one of the game-keepers, +"there ought to have been lots o' rabbits pass you in this beat." I said +I had scarcely seen any,--how could I? + +Rainy weather set in, Nelly and Sophy were available but al-fresco, +copulation impossible, and the long tramp or ride to ------ to the baudy +house not to my taste. I had now no excuse for going to the farm, and no +Pender. So one morning I set off for London. Just as the train started +Molly and her mother appeared; she put the girl into a third-class +carriage. At the first station the train stopped at I got into the +carriage with Molly, who opened her eyes wide when she saw me. We were +soon in conversation. Molly was going to an aunt's in London who was to +meet her at the Terminus. You may guess which way my talk ran. I kept +whispering lewd things in her ear. An elderly stern-faced woman got +in at a station, fixed her eyes on us, especially on me, and at length +said, "Do you know that young woman?" Her coolness nearly settled me, +but I said I did, kept on talking, and was delighted when about two or +three stations further on she left with the remark to Molly, "Take care +of yourself my gal, and don't have anything to say to strange men or +women." + +There are tunnels on that line. There were no lights then in third-class +carriages. In one tunnel I kissed her, and on my kiss being returned, +got my fingers on her cunt, and kept them there till approaching light +made me withdraw them. It was a cold foggy day. I sat close to her +wrapped in a travelling-cloak, and partially covered her with it and +with my rug. I got her hand under my cloak and with the pretense of +warming it, gradually introduced my prick into her hand, and there I +kept it a quarter of an hour, she looking in such a fright all round at +the people every now and then, but enjoying the warmth of the feel. Just +before entering London is another tunnel, I had another grope at her +warm quim, and arranged my clothes. + +I got her London address, and entered a cab, determined to follow her, +and see if she was deceiving me. She waited, no one appeared to meet +her, one or two men spoke to her, and as she told me later asked her to +go and have drink. Then I got out. "No one is here," said I. "Come +and have some wine, you can say you waited ever so long should they +come,--there is some error about meeting you." + +How could she refuse? Already had her fingers been playing round my +cock, mine still smelt of her cunt. Telling the cab to wait, and putting +her bag inside it, in three minutes I had her in a baudy house close by +the Terminus (I dare say it's there now), and Molly's little cunt was +again moistened by me. If her mother had known the risks, she never +would have allowed her the journey to London. + +When our heat was cooled by two hours dallying, kissing and fucking, +she got uneasy about being found out. We put our heads together for an +excuse. The address was Paddington, she was to say she waited an hour at +the station, then made a mistake, and went to Islington, and not +finding the street there came to Paddington. The excuse turned out good, +Paddington and Islington looked much alike on the scrawl. + +I have often wondered at the rapid success I had with country women +at that time. With women whom I saw daily, and with whom I had much +opportunity, such as mother's servants, I was a long time getting my +aim; but at that period of my life I was often diffident; even with gay +women, a slight thing would at times make me cease speaking to them. But +here I no sooner attacked than the females fell to me. I attribute it to +the suddenness and impetuosity with which I made at times my advances, +and the boldness with which I proceeded to baudy extremities. When I was +once lanced, I was so strong, so lewd, that I am sure I communicated my +lewdness to them by some subtle magnetism, even before I spoke. Then I +was a London swell, a relative of the lady of the Manor, there was the +pride which women of the humble class have, in being singled out for +notice by a London gent, all these told. But my baudy, rapid assaults, +lustful cunning and an innate power of stirring up voluptuous sensations +in women when once I spoke, got me them more than anything else. When in +the country, I was thinking of nothing else, and had nothing else to +do but to hunt down cunts, and feed myself up for fucking them. When in +London the game was different. + +Molly's aunt was a greengrocer. Molly did not keep her promise to meet +me, so I went to the place, saw her standing in the shop, and beckoned; +she shook her head. I passed and repassed, on foot, then in a cab, till +I thought the whole street would know me. At length she came out and +said, "Aunt won't let me out alone, mother's told her not; I can only +stay five minutes." She wanted a post-office,--could I find her one? I +did close by. She slipped a letter into the box, and begging me not to +come near the shop, went back. I asked her to write me, and arranged to +send my letters to this post-office. I wrote twice, and got no reply. +Angry I wrote that I must see her, and had something to tell her; then +I got a scrawl in reply. She met me, and I took her to a house near her +aunt's. + +Molly did not like me. When I got her into the room, she refused to let +me have her, and begged me to tell her what I had heard. I invented some +nonsense; and she said that was not what I had to say, she was sure. I +recollect sitting and talking with my prick out, and she looked at it +sulkily; but she resisted me. I said, "How is Giles' head?" "What," said +she, "who told you?" "Nobody knows but me," said I. (It was one of the +most blackguardly things I did in my life, and am ashamed of it.) She +shed tears, but no longer refused me. I gave her a sovereign saying, +"That will be useful when you marry." + +I made her meet me again, and then she told me she would go to service. +She went after a good many situations I know. I fucked her whenever +she went out. She was getting hot-arsed, and she liked the poking. One +morning I passed the shop, and saw loitering about in the streets in a +velveteen costume. Giles. She had written to him I was sure. + +I dodged them in a cab, saw her come out, and as fast as they could they +went to a low coffee-shop where there were beds. I daresay my money paid +for their refreshments. + +Going to the street one day, there to my astonishment I saw my cousin +Fred walking about. I was in a cab, and he did not see me. I asked +Molly the next time if she knew if Fred was in town. She said no, seemed +astonished, and I believed her; but I was sure Fred was after her, and +could not imagine how he had found out her address. Laura perhaps took +the starch out of him, for I never saw him in the street again. Molly +now got fond of money. One day I took her to a baudy house near the +Haymarket, feasted her, and fucked her till I was empty, and she full. +Then I went back to the country to see my aunt, and soon again I got +Pender. Said she among other gossip, "That gal Molly Brown will give her +mother trouble, she has been after a situation in London, and her aunt +says has been seen going into a house with a man, Giles has left the +village, her mother believes he is after her, so she has sent for her +back." Sure enough in two or three days there was Molly, looking as +fresh as a daisy, and as modest as a whore at a christening. + +The mother told no one anything except Pender, and Pender told me. Molly +then went to the Hall assisting whilst a servant was ill, and then I saw +her every hour or so. Then Fred came back, and I saw he was making up +to her, and told him of it. He acknowledged it, remarking it was a pity +such a nice young girl should not taste the sugar-stick. "Perhaps she +has," said I. He thought not, there was a country lout she wanted +to marry, and the mother looked after her closely. "I would give a +ten-pound note to have her," he said to me one day. + +Shortly Molly appeared ill and pining; her face lost its bloom, I could +not understand it. The bad weather keeping people at home had given me +no chance of having her; if I saw her alone it was only for a minute, +but I used to pull my prick out and show it to her. I have done it in +the corridor, my aunt walking in front of me. I tried to get her to come +out, but she would not, besides Fred always appeared on the scene. My +delight was to get in the way when I knew there was the best chance of +his seeing her alone. So we baulked each other. + +There was some military inspection not far from us, Fred was going in +his uniform, with my aunt, cousins and self, and all but two servants +were allowed to go. The carriage was at the door when I was taken short, +and being in my bed-room ran to the W.C. As I came out, I saw Fred at +the end of the corridor near the stairs, walking quickly but quietly, +and heard his footsteps descending to the Hall. "What's up?" thought I. +He has been dressed a long time, why on the first-floor now? He passed +his bed-room without going in. A suspicion crossed my mind, and being +close to it, I put my ear to the nursemaid's door (the one with two +doors in which I had had the skinny nursemaid), heard a rustling, and +quickly opening the lobby-door connecting with the servants' stairs, I +saw Molly looking hot, flushed, adjusting her collar and hair, and going +downstairs rapidly, she didn't see me. Instinct told me she had been +fucked by Fred. + +I rushed downstairs, Fred and all were in the carriage, aunt angry at +waiting so long for me. I told her my ailment, said I would ride after +them directly I felt better, so off they drove. The butler and Molly +were in the Hall, they and the cook the only people in the house. I sent +off the butler to the village to get me some medicine, and said to Molly +in a stern way before him, as if I had never seen her, "Are you doing +the housemaid's work young woman?" "Yes sir." "Arrange my room as +quickly as you can, for I am not well, and shall lay down there." "Yes +sir," said she looking so hard at me. "Do the room at once," said +the old butler. Off she went. I saw him go off on his errand, and ran +upstairs to my bed-room. There was Molly. I bolted the door, and pulled +out my prick. Never had Molly resisted me more, she struggled, fought. +What would happen if some one came? She would be ruined. "No one can +come my darling, all are out but cook, and if she misses you she will +think you have ran down to your mothers." But she struggled on, begged, +implored, she would meet me; she would do anything if I would desist +then, she was poorly and could not. It was useless. I had been against +my will chaste for some days. The fascination of the prick overcame her, +she yielded, I threw her at length on the bed, mounted, fucked, and in +half-a-dozen thrusts the job was done. + +I recollect keeping her under me, and with my dawning senses what I +had seen a quarter of an hour before came through my mind. Prick up her, +and leaning on one elbow, I looked at her long; the possibility of +my prick then laying in Fred's spunk mixed with my own, instead of +horrifying; me as it would have done, had I thought about the matter +before in a cool state of mind, sent a delightful tittillation through +me. I grasped her firmly, drove my prick home again, and said looking +her in the face, "Fred has just fucked you." + +"Oh!" said she with such a start that she uncunted me, "oh I what a +wicked story,--let me go." But I was flat on her, she writhed, said I +was insulting her; but my prick drove on, it hit, and went up. "I +am sure he has,--shove, shove,--I saw him--shove--leave the +room--shove--and you came out the other door,--shove, shove, +shove,--lay quiet,--shove, shove, shove." "Oh! let me go." "I +shan't,--shove,--wriggle,--shove,--oh! my love,--ah!--ah.--a! +oh--o!--ah!" Our wet lips met, and the final wriggle settled +our movements, sighs and conversation. She was quiet enough now, +tranquillized by her pleasure. + +"Oh! if some one comes." "I will say you are not here, and no one can +enter. Fred has just fucked you." + +"It's a lie," said she rolling off the bed, and going off quickly with +her cunt full. + +The butler came back with the medicine, I threw it down the closet, and +went down to the dining-room. In an hour or so, I rang for some tea (how +was I to get him out of the way again?). I went to my bedroom, rang; +up came Molly. "Let us do it again." "I won't, you have insulted me." +"Bring me a great can of hot water." Then I rang for all sorts of odd +things, making believe I had a bad attack of colic, showing her my prick +each time, till she let me do it at the edge of the bed. Her cunt had +been well washed. We were quiet, afraid of being overheard, a woman +knows how to avoid being compromised when she has once intrigued,--but +the poor girl was in an agony of fear. + +"I've been into the nursemaid's room," said I, "and there is the mark of +some one having been on the bed-edge." "Well it's not me." She stuck out +that she had been in the room alone. "Why there at all?" She had only +passed through the room to piddle. + +In the afternoon I called the butler, and sent him to the village +again, to get me another mixture. In the dining-room I rang, and Molly +answered. "I am going to ring in my room again," said I, "you come." No +she would not. I went up and rang. + +The cook answered my bell. What a baulk! but I was equal to it,--the +cook had no business to come up, it was Molly's place. "Do you think +that Mrs. Brown or Pender, or some one on the farm has got anything good +for diarrhoea?" "I'll go and see," said she good-naturedly. I knew she +must be gone ten minutes, or a quarter of an hour. + +I followed her downstairs, soon rushed into the kitchen, bolted the +kitchen-garden entrance, laid hold of Molly, whose horror was extreme at +the idea of being caught, and I fucked her in the butler's pantry, where +he slept. With my cock dripping as I pulled it out, I ran up to my room. +She had just had time to unbolt the door before the cook appeared, and +she brought me some medicine from Mrs. Pender, which of course went down +the closet. + +I went to my bed-room, revelling in the intrigue of the day, and +wondering how often Fred had had her, and whether that day was the first +time. Whenever my cock grew stiff I rang for Molly, and showed it to +her. She grew demoralized at the constant sight of the cock, but there +was no time for a fuck; I promised her a new bonnet to get me another +opportunity. In a couple of hours she came, I had a voluptuous caprice, +turned her belly on the bed, her rump towards me, for a fuck from +behind. She objected, "What are you going to do? You can't do anything +like that." "Yes my love, easily." "I don't like my clothes up like +that." Two or three times I had to turn her round before she was quiet, +and then we consummated. Molly was astonished. She had never been tailed +in that attitude before I am sure. + +It was about eleven o'clock when Fred and the others had set forth; they +returned to a late dinner. I had fucked Molly five or six times. Then I +went to bed, my aunt and cousins came up to me, and were so kind. So was +Fred, who told me all about the inspection, and never suspected my game +in the least, nor any one else. The last words I said to Molly that day +were, "Fred has fucked you." Again she swore that he never had. To keep +up the deception and excuse my staying at home, I had eaten scarcely +anything all day, and felt I recollect awfully hungry when a bed. + +The empty pleasure of occasionally showing my doodle to Molly was all I +could get afterwards. Nelly or Sophy--I forget which--I got to the baudy +house at------; whichever of the two it was, came half wet through with +muddy boots and under-linen which so upset me that I did not poke. The +servant who had been ill came back to the Hall, and Molly left. I had +Pender (whose belly was then showing its intentions awfully) up against +the gate opposite her cottage one wet night (but "cock and cunt will +come together"). Said she in the slight interval between our meeting, +fucking, and parting, "If that gal Molly is not in the family way,--her +mother's found it out,--oh! such a row." That accounted for Molly +looking depressed. + +Soon Molly went again to London, and I did the same day, but not in the +third-class carriage. We spoke at the station. "For God's sake go," said +she, "aunt's coming." "I'll write to the post-office," said I, and did. +Then she met me, she got a situation directly, but I tempted the girl. +"Tell your aunt you are wanted a week earlier than you are, and come and +stop with me." The devil was with me, Molly got into a cab with her +box, and was set down at a station; there I got her into another, and we +drove to a small hotel where I had taken a room. She only stayed with me +five days; I took her to theatres and other places, but not out in the +day; fed her up, and fucked her and myself out. The sheets were always +slobbered with spunk and once or twice I made the woman change them. +Molly had become lecherous, and no doubt reckless, and I had the delight +of teaching her baudiness (which is the main pleasure a virgin gives you +over a gay women), but she did not care about me. She was often crying, +but a little friction on her clitoris usually cured that. On the last +day I asked her if she was in the family way? She admitted it, and went +to her situation. "I think it's you who have done it," said she to me. +I told her it must be Giles. + +She stopped a fortnight in her situation, then went no one knew where. +Pender told me when I went back. I was sorry, went to town hoping to +find her, and wrote to the post-office. By some chance--perhaps to get a +letter from Giles--she went there. A week afterwards my landlady said +a young woman had called on me. "A lady?" said I. "Not at all, an +overdressed young woman." It was Molly, who called again. I went to her +poor lodgings, she fenced my questions, said she meant to go back to her +mother's. Pressing her as to how she lived, she said she had the money +I had given her. "But your bonnet, your clothes,--what do you do of a +night?" She could not evade it, Molly had turned whore. I never knew who +had put her up to getting her living by her cunt; but a fellow-servant +had left with her, and had got the next room to hers. + +A woman who takes to whoring takes to lying. I could not learn exactly +how long she had stayed at her situation, or much about her movements. I +stayed with her the night, she let me pull up her clothes, and open her +thighs with a freedom she never had done before; from which I inferred +she had had more than one prick in her split since I had been up her +last; she was voluptuous, and her cunt was unusually juicy. + +I went back to my aunt's sorry, for I seemed to have been largely the +cause of Molly going astray, and did not know then that a gay life is +as happy as that of the wife of a farm-laborer. Restless I went again +to London, saw Molly who looked fearfully wretched, would neither let me +fuck, nor feel her, and then broke out in an agony of tears, saying she +was ill, something was the matter with her. "With your cunt?" "Yes," +said she, "do look." Poor Molly opened her plump thighs, stretched open +her cunt, and gave me every facility. Her quim was in a high state of +inflammation, and it had a discharge. A medical student who saw her said +she had the clap, and gave her medicine. "Oh! do look again, tell me if +I am very bad,--shall I be worse?--oh! I am so sorry I did not keep at +my situation," said she. + +Once in my life since, another girl made me a similar confession, and +those are the only two who confessed to an illness at the time they had +the illness on them. + +I told her she could be cured, but horrified her with the description +of the disease to which she might be subject, took her to a doctor, paid +her lodgings, counselled her to go home, to hold her tongue, and refuse +to tell any one anything, excepting that she had left her situation. She +promised, but was frightened of her mother. + +She said she had never been into the streets since I had left her. I had +a fear of the clap, and did not intend any commerce with her; but lust +overcame me, and we fucked all that night to the damage of the sheets +again. I wrote an anonymous letter to her mother, telling where the +girl could be found. She came up to town and took her back. Molly's cunt +proved to be all right. + +A woman is such a fool that she must tell some one everything. Mrs. +Brown told Pender about the anonymous letter, and Mrs. P. told me; but +I don't think any of them knew the girl had been on the streets. Molly's +belly soon afterwards showed, Mrs. Brown thought better of Giles, he +married her and they went to live a few miles off. She had a child, and +every one thought it was Giles' begetting. I suppose he knew nothing of +the girl's pranks, for luckily a cunt cannot speak. Then Mrs. Brown left +aunt, and Pender and his wife came to live in the farm-yard. + +When it became known that Molly Brown was delivered of a child, my aunt +remarked (Fred told me) that she was not married a bit too soon. "I had +that little devil two or three times," said Fred, "and on the first day +I was in uniform. Do you recollect Walter, the day you were ill?" And +he told me how it came about; but I never told him that I had had her; +I never spoke of having had a woman, if I thought I should injure her, +whatever my desire or vanity might have been. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + + Nelly and Sophy.--Nelly at the Argyle.--In town with Fred.-- + On the sofa with Mabel.--The effect of black stockings.-- + Interference.--In bed.--Mabel's bad habits.--A ladies' + school.--The bathroom.--My cousins naked.--Maria the + curate's wife.--Cunt inspection.--Servants washing.--Flat + fucking. + +I may as well finish about Nelly and Sophy, although the occurrences I +now narrate happened some time afterwards. Nelly got in the family way, +told me I was the father, and told Fred he was, for he had had her. We +both cheeked her, and said that half a dozen might claim the honor. She +and Sophy left the village. Sophy I never heard of or saw again, that I +recollect. Two or three years afterwards, I was at the Argyle Rooms. A +woman looked at me, smiled, and pointed me out to another woman, then +came up smiling and said, "Don't you know me?" It was Nelly, who had +become harlot by profession. I was then a poor man, but slept with her +at Brompton. She had heard I had ruined myself. I had her afterwards +once or twice, but soon gave her up. Harlotry was successful with her, +and I could not pay her price. Though she was a swell woman, she did not +want me to pay at all, but I was proud. She always declared that I had +had the first of her, but could not say I was the father of the child. +Mrs. Pender now had a chance. At night there was often no one in the +farm-yard but her, she could therefore go into the barn when she liked. +Her husband finding the dark nights dull went frequently to the village +Public; then I used to enter the big barn from the rick-yard, she having +left the wicket open, and she had a good bombasting on the straw and +hay. But I grew tired of her big belly, liked a bed and nakedness, and +to see and feel in comfort the cunt I was to bestow my attention on. +Fucking on straw was all very well with a new piece. I could generally +not tell her face from her arse, excepting by feel, for of course we had +no light in the barn; so I grew tired, and gave it up. + +Then Fred and I went to town, he to see Laura, I to get promiscuous +fucking, and other amusements. Laura who was one of the few women of +her class whom I have found to be well educated, had a female friend +stopping with her from her native place Plymouth. Her name was Mabel, +a pretty modest-looking girl. Laura had given out that she had married +Fred, and this girl had been entrusted to keep her company. I tell the +tale as it was told me. I dined with them daily, and in fact all but +lived there. + +One night we went to the theatre, and back to Fred's, had a jolly +supper, and got as merry as sandboys. It was a cold foggy night, I said +I would not go home as it was about three A.M., and would sleep on the +sofa. Our conversation had been pretty warm. Fred remarked that I had +better sleep with Mabel. Laura was surprised at Fred. Mabel laughed, and +baudy insinuations passed without baudy words. Fred said he should go to +bed, and off he went. Laura expected Mabel to go to bed, but she put +it off laughing and joking. Laura got angry, Fred came out in his +night-gown swearing if Laura did not come, he would go out, and get a +woman; and off Laura went. Fred wanted a fuck before he went to sleep. + +Mabel and I sat talking, both heated and randy. It got colder, she got +sleepy, I would not let her go, so she laid on the sofa. I drew a chair +to her side, and both drinking whiskey and water time rolled on. "Oh! I +wish I were Fred," said I. "Why?" "Because he is between Laura's thighs, +belly to belly, how warm, how delicious this cold night." "Oh! for +shame!" "Nonsense my dear, quite natural and proper, we are made to keep +each other warm, and give each other pleasure." "When we're married," +said she. "Married,--pough!--then millions would never taste the +pleasure." My words grew warmer, I kissed, and was kissed, edged myself +on to the sofa, little by little felt my way from her ankles to her +thighs, and behold me smothering her with kisses, with my hand on her +cunt, her hand on my prick. + +A modest woman will let you take liberties much more readily if you kiss +her whilst taking them. Sit at the foot of a girl on a sofa, and try +to force your hand up her clothes, she may resist you; sit close by her +side, bend over her, kiss her, and at the same time your hand may find +its way to her cunt, almost without hindrance. + +So was it now. Mabel was scarcely modest. I recollect the conviction +coming over me that she was no virgin, and if I had doubts before, the +way my finger slipped from her clitoris up the love-pit and plugged it, +confirmed them. She lay with her eyes fixed on me, palpitating gently +with voluptuousness. Her petticoats up to her knees, I saw legs in black +stockings, one in wrinkles, the other half-way bagging down the calf, +and her feet in shabby slippers. + +I had at that time a horror of black stockings, which affected me at +times so much as to deprive me of all desire. Once with a gay woman who +had black stockings I was unable to poke her, spite of her blandishment, +till she put white ones on. As I now saw Mabel's legs a disgust came +over me, desire left me, and my prick began to shrink; I may have been +tired, or had had my sperm drawn too much the night previously; that is +likely enough, I don't recollect; but know I got nervous, a fear lest +she should doubt my manhood, a sense of shame overcame me. I tried to +rally, but in vain, for once that nervousness on me, it vanquished me. +I ceased to probe her quim with my finger, my prick shrunk out of her +hand, and the titillation ceasing, Mabel turned away her eyes, +repulsed my hands, and drew her clothes down, looking at me full. I sat +speechless. + +"Are you ill?" said she. "Yes," said I overjoyed with the suggestion, "a +faintness came over me, and a giddyness,--I shall be better directly." + +She believed it, gave me cold water, and we sat for a time. I looked at +her beautifully white neck, thought how white her bum must be, tried to +get the black stockings out of my head, but could not. It must have been +past four o'clock in the morning when I asked her to lie down again, but +she refused; the spell had been broken, the weakness gone, and she said +she should go to bed. + +"Is your bum as white as your neck?" said I. "Laura says I am the +whitest fleshed women she ever saw, all the girls at school used to say +so." + +In my mind's eye I saw the white bum and thighs, my lust came back at a +rush. "Let me see it," I said, and I laid hold of her. The flood-gates +of my baudi-ness were loosened, and as she afterwards told me, I let fly +a torrent of voluptuous words, enough to have excited the passions +of all the women in London. I had forgotten the stockings. She kept +refusing, denying and evading me. "Hish! hish! Laura will hear you." +Laura did, and came in her night-gown. "I came to see if you had gone to +bed," said she. "You need not have troubled yourself," said Mabel. "As +long as you're here I shall look after you; when you're at home you can +do as you like." "I'm quite old enough to take care of myself." They +quarrelled. Mabel resented her interference. Fred roared out from his +bed-room, "What the devil are you going in there for?" and Laura not +replying, came in in his night-shirt. After an altercation Fred and +Laura went back to bed. + +Then Mabel said she should go to bed, must go up for five minutes, but +would be down again. "To piddle eh?" Taking off my boots I blew out one +candle, took the other, followed her, and opened the door. She was on +the piss-pot. I closed the door, and locked it. Five minutes afterwards +I was on the bed fucking her with her legs in black stockings, and five +minutes afterwards uncunting, the first words I said were, "I loathe +black stockings." + +"I can't bear them myself," said she, "but I am in mourning." People in +mourning wore black stockings then. + +She was anxious for me to go, so that Laura could say nothing positive, +whatever she might think. I would directly I had her again. We got +into the bed together, and I had her, and then again. That is all +I recollect, and that after the fuck we both fell asleep, and were +awakened by a knock at the door. It was late in the morning, and broad +daylight, Laura was knocking. I opened the door. Laura looked at me, and +then at Mabel, and said, "Well the sooner I send you back the better." +There was a somewhat bitter row between them, short but sharp, in which +Mabel gave as good as she got. Laura went away. Mabel turned round and +wept; then we fucked, and went to sleep again. + +This is the only point in my history with Mabel much worth noting, +except that when I knew her from top to bottom, and found she got out of +bed, and washed her cunt after my sperming it, I asked her, "Why did you +not wash the first night?" "Because it's unlucky," said she, and I never +got any more out of her; but she had known the sensation of a prick in +her cunt before mine, that I found out the first night. + +She was a well-arsed, well-made, plump girl about twenty-one years old, +and had a wonderfully white skin. She had been fucked before, but I +believed from all I learnt from her, Laura and Fred, that for two years +a prick had not entered her. A man who had paid his addresses to her had +deceived her, then cleared off, I expect after tailing her. + +I did not profess to keep Mabel after this, but paid for the +second-floor rooms (Fred had taken the upper part of the house, three +bed- and one sitting-room), and my share of the living, and slept with +her almost regularly for a short time, gave her money, dressed her, and +did all a man does who keeps a woman; but I never cared much about her, +and was not constant. + +She like Laura was fairly educated. A few months afterwards she went +back to her native town, and although she wrote to me, I never saw her +again, and had some idea that Lord A.... kept her, why I shall tell +further on. One reason of my being indifferent to her was that she never +properly washed herself. Her beautiful white flesh never seemed to need +it, but I did not like a woman who just smeared her face and neck, and +never below. I told her of it, and she was offended. + +About three weeks after I first had Mabel, Fred and I went to shoot with +some friends at----shire; it was towards the end of November, all the +leaves were well off the trees. + +As said I had female cousins by several aunts, two of them about +seventeen or eighteen years of age were at a finishing-school for young +ladies. It was a large old-fashioned house kept by three ladies of whom +one had been married a year, although then forty years old, to a curate +about sixty-five years old. The sisters unmarried were between fifty and +sixty years old, stern and stiff-rumped. Maris the married one, fat and +forty, with jet-black hair and merry hazel eyes, had been disappointed +in her youth, and when this clergyman, whom she had known all her life, +proposed, she accepted I suppose for companionship, and because it gave +her consideration in the neighbourhood. + +The house was originally a very big old mansion, large enough for two +schools, and had been roughly divided by walls and partitions into two +houses. The smaller was inhabited by Maria and her husband, and the +kitchen-garden was attached to it. All access to the pleasure-grounds +of the other, or school-part of the house, was bricked up. In an +establishment for young ladies, all of a fuckable age, and none without +hair on their cunts, it would never have done to leave male access, not +even to a curate sixty-five years old. The gardeners were elderly men, +they came round by the house to go to the kitchen-garden, which supplied +both houses. Mrs. Maria used to go round to the school daily. + +The air of the neighbourhood was fine, and although not professing to +lodge people, if any of the female relatives of the young ladies at +the school desired it, they could go and stop for a week or two at the +curate's, of course paying for so doing. + +Fred and I had invitations to shooting not far off, just as my aunt went +to stay a week at Mrs. Maria's and to see her girl. Our friends could +accommodate Fred only, and sooner than be separated, and for other +reasons, we wrote to the old curate to know if he could receive us two +men,--and my aunt as well,--which he did. We took up our quarters there. +I had unpacked, and went into Fred's room. "Here is a jolly cupboard," +said he opening the door of one big enough for four people to stand in. +"If a woman were sleeping here, she would always be thinking some one +was hidden in it; it's a jolly place for boxes and clothes." He was +hanging up something, when he stopped and listened. "Damned if there are +not women laughing," said he, "hish!" But he heard nothing more. + +Two or three minutes afterwards he said, "Here Walter," and both +listening heard the voices of women, but very indistinctly. Fred lighted +a candle. Said he, "Here is an old door screwed up, it leads into a +room. What a lark to get it, open, or a hole through it; nothing I so +like as to hear what women say, when they think no one hears them." + +I suggested it was unfair, it might be his sisters' room. "It don't +matter," said he, "it's all in the family." He went to dinner, and then +back to his room. He at once got to the closet, undid his gun-case, and +taking out the gun-screw, tried to loosen the screws of the door, but +could not. Off he went to the village, came back with a screwdriver, +and with some labor opened the door. Then we found ourselves in another +empty place nearly as big, and at the end of it rough boards nailed +across a frame horizontally, and as we supposed covered over on the +other side. It evidently had been a passage, and when they separated the +house, they had screwed up the door into the room of which we did not +yet know the use, leaving the door at the end next Fred's room as it +was, and had fixed up some woodwork across the end of the passage, thus +making the large closet at one end, and the empty space at the other. We +were dusty with our job. + +After breakfast next day, aunt, Fred and I went round to see his sister +and cousin. We saw their bedrooms accompanied by them and aunt. We were +in fact shown over the house. Fred had previously looked well at the +outside, to see how the windows ran. "What is that room which is shut +off?" "Oh!" said his sister, "that is a bath-room; look, such a nice +one." We entered it; it was the room up to which the passage at the back +of the closet led. Fred winked at me, and when we got back he roared. +"Oh! lord, we shall see them naked,--the boards have twisted, there are +cracks next the bath-room,--we'll run a knife between one, and through +the canvas and paper; then we will see through,--oho! ho! we shall see +the girls bathing,--there are two or three damned fine girls." + +Had it been servants, I should have been delighted at a peep; but to rip +a hole to spy on young ladies, and one of those his sister, revolted me. +"Damn it Fred, it's not the thing, one is your own sister." "Pough! you +have seen their cunts." (It was not the two I had seen.) "Ah! those +were children." "Well ------ and ------ are only larger, and have hair +on their cunts, and you need not look." "But if we are found out, we are +disgraced; if it were at an hotel or elsewhere, I would not mind." +"It won't be found out." "They will see the crack in the paper." "They +won't, they will think it split by the boards warping, if they do; +besides there are cracks and some shelves up, I know exactly the place." + +Nothing stopped him, and after boring, prodding, and getting a chair to +stand on to find the right place, he at length made some cracks a few +inches long with a knife, and we saw day light through the bath, towels, +clothes-pegs, and a large cane settee or sofa. I would not look at +first, but so weak is man's nature concerning a woman, that at length I +did, and a thrill of pleasure shot through me as I thought of seeing the +naked girls, and strange enough I recollect a feeling of curiosity about +the figures my two cousin's would cut if they were naked. I thought of +the quims of his sisters some years before, and wondered what difference +between these and those. + +Carefully locking the closet we went out. When we returned Fred peeped +at every opportunity, but saw nothing that day. The next morning Fred +awakened me. "Get up, they are going to bathe, a servant is filling +the baths." It was a cold dark morning. "I shan't." "Don't," and off +he went. In a minute or two however I was by his side. We saw two +young ladies enter, strip, and take their baths; the candle-light was +imperfect, but we saw them rub their bodies dry, and scrub the wet off +their cunts; we saw their hair above and below, and all their little +secrets. They were, we afterwards knew, sisters. + +"I shall burst," said Fred, "how do you feel Walter?" I was maddened by +desire like him at the sight of the fresh, modest, naked girls cleaning +themselves so unsuspectingly; all this in whispers. + +Another girl or two came in, they hurried through the operation as if +they did not like it. "Here is Carry," said Fred. I peeped and in came +my two cousins. "Lord what a lot of hair she has got on her cunt," said +my shameless cousin. "It's a damned ungentlemanly thing Fred." "Well +don't look then," said he. But I did,--I could not help it; my sense of +honor was strong, my lust stronger, and I saw both naked. "Holloa! here +is Mrs. Maria,"--it was. She stripped. A fine round, plump, middle-aged +woman with a mess of black hair between her thighs, that would have +sufficed to stuff a sofa-squab. Fred was smitten. "I'll be damned," said +he, "if I would not sooner have her than all the others." I could not +get his eyes away to let me have a full look, so much was he taken with +her. Indeed when she put one leg on the chair, and rubbed the towel well +round her cunt and arse, showing two big, well-set globes, and round +arms and thighs, the black hair in her arm-pits, the black hair below, +she looked in the feeble light not more than thirty years old, and as +fine an arm-full as a man could desire. "What a pity she has never been +fucked," said Fred, "I'll swear old ------ can't do it to her,--he can +only frig her." + +Only four or five ladies took a morning bath; we saw the same on two or +three mornings. We were shooting all day. Fred then went to shoot with a +friend some miles off, I stopped with my aunt at the Rev.------'s house +till his return, and walked out with them. Fred went away on a Saturday +afternoon, I went to my bed-room, thought I would have a peep into the +next house, and went to Fred's room (he had left me the closet key), and +saw the bath-room quite bright with a large fire. I asked for a fire to +be lighted in Fred's room which was bigger than mine, observing that it +was so much better to write in than mine; then making a great display, +I sat down to write letters, locked the bed-room door, and stationed +myself at the crack in the closet. + +Oh! what an evening! It soon became evident that the whole household +would wash that night. The young ladies came in mostly one at a time, +sometimes in pairs, the mistress came in from time to time. The ladies +came in, in loose gowns, a chemise and slippers, all but undressed. +Everything was quite decorous, the mistress mostly present. Each girl +would deposit her gown and chemise on a chair, turning her rump to the +other, and get into the bath. When they left it, they stepped out, +and came straight to the spot where I could best see them, their cunts +towards me, and began to dry themselves. Servants came in and emptied +the baths. Some used only a foot-bath. All was done so quietly and +demurely that I could scarcely hear a word they said; no girl was +supposed I think to see either the bum or belly of the other. + +Once when the mistress left, a pair of girls were together, and threw +off reserve. One time they got into the bath together, and smacked each +other's bums. The younger girls had come in first in the evening, the +elder ones later. The mistress did not come in with the elder ones. This +pair talked about my cousin and me. They stood in front of the fire; +one tripped across the room, and bolted the door, then each one in +succession put a leg on the chair, and they looked at each other's +cunts. Able to bear it no longer, I frigged myself, and may as well say +at once that having begun so, I went on. From half-past eight till about +ten o'clock did bathing go on. I looking, and frigging myself as often +as my cock stood. I saw in succession nearly all the ladies, and four +female servants. + +Most of the girls who took cold baths in the morning did not come in at +night, my cousins excepted. Every one had hair on her cunt. I knew and +recollected some for years afterwards, and when I saw them walking out, +or in the ground from our bed-room window, and when my cousins came in +to dine with us at the Reverend's house, bringing two of the other young +ladies with them; I recollected the look of their bums and bubbies, the +quantity and colour of the hair on their cunts as well as if it had been +my own prick. I could not converse, my eyes went from one to the other +of the girls as their charms rose up in my mind, my prick throbbing. +Aunt noticed my silence, and joking me asked if I was falling in love. + +It was difficult to hear the conversation; what I did was for the most +part chaste, and about trifles, the only exception was the two girls who +looked at each other's quims, and stood near me, half facing the fire. +It ran something like this: "I wonder if men look at each other's +things." "I dare say they do." "Boys do, Miss Y.... said she saw two of +her brothers rubbing each other's things hard." "Law!" "Yes." "Is it not +funny that the man's things should be put right up ours?" "Lor yes." +"It seems nasty." "I wish you could ask ------ to let us see that book +again." "I have, and she has not got it now." "It was fun." "Yes,"--and +they both laughed. "Make haste, they will wonder why we are so long." +"Ring the bell." "Yes." "Open the bolt." "Hish! here is some one.". + +The servants came in two by two, the mistress came in with the first +pair, and told them to put the fire out, When she had gone, "The old +skinflint," said one servant, and put coals on after saying 'yes' to her +mistress. To me it was always more exciting to see a woman in stockings +and boots, than quite naked. The young ladies had come in undressed from +their rooms; the servants came dressed, bringing candles with them. They +were full-grown women, I felt more pleasure in seeing them gradually +undress and uncover. One, a middle-aged woman, said aloud, "I shall only +wash my feet, it's so cold." She took water out of the big bath, put +it into a hip-bath, pulled off her shoes and stockings, tucked her +petticoats up to her thighs, and washed her feet by the fire. She was +a big-limbed woman, I could not see her cunt. I had seen a dozen that +night, yet because I could not see this one's cunt I seemed to long for +it. The other had stripped, and got into the bath, and I could see her +naked. She was ugly and middle-aged. I would sooner have fucked any +one of the young women than her, and yet I recollect feeling the most +furious baudiness about her, and frigged looking at her. + +Then in came two strong-looking women, but much younger, "Stir the +fire,--don't make a noise, or there will be a row about coals," said +one. "They are all a bed," said the other. Both stripped to their +chemises, one went to the bath. "I shan't wash after cook," said she, +and she let off the water. "The water won't be warm, they have drawn off +so much." "Then I won't wash." she replied. Then one woman stood by the +fire with her back to it, and lifted up her chemise to warm her arse. I +saw it sideways as she stood, boots and stockings on. + +The other came to the fire. "It will take five minutes to run clean +out," said she. Both drew chairs in front of the fire, sat down and +raised their chemises, one edged closer to the other, inclined her head +to the other's thighs, and kissed it, then looked, and placed her hand +on the cunt. I could not see the cunt, her back hid it, for she had +turned her back to me; then the other one's hand crossed and the two +women sat feeling each other. I don't think they said a word, if so I +could not hear it; their heads were from me. They sat for three or four +minutes, kissing and feeling each other. + +"Is the door locked?" said one quite aloud, and getting up went to the +door, and tried it. Then one laid her clothes on the big settee, and +laid down on her back, the other threw up her chemise, kissed, and +perhaps licked her cunt. I only know her head covered the cunt, and then +she mounted her. I thought it must be fun, for although I had once +seen a woman on the top of another, and had heard of such things, I +was incredulous. Now I saw them together like man and woman, sometimes +between each other's thighs, sometimes with legs interlaced, and hands +grasping each other's buttocks, the thighs of one raised up round the +other's limbs, the mouths meeting, the backsides wriggling and twisting +without ceasing. If they laid so one minute, they remained in each +other's embraces nearly half-an-hour, sometimes quiet, then wriggling +again. I heard not a sound, don't recollect hearing kisses, or anything; +but it was difficult to hear, unless they talked loud. + +The light went out, there was a glimmer from the hot fire. Said one +getting off, "Is there no other candle?" "No." "You must get down to the +kitchen for one, we can't go up without light." Off went one, slipping +her gown on first. The other gently stirred the fire, sat down, put her +hand on her cunt, and frigged it. I can't say if she had pleasure, but +her head fell back, and one side her face was then towards me. I saw it +all by the flame of the fire, which she had poked. The other came back +with two bits of candle, and they went away, having put on their gowns, +carrying their other clothes with them, neither having bathed. Then I +went off to my own bed-room, frigged out. The loudness with which the +servants talked, compared with the young ladies, was very noticeable, +though when on the top of each other on the settee at the end of the +room, I could not hear a word. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + + Fred on flat-fucking.--In town with Laura.--Back at the + school.--Pictures for young ladies.--Fred's ankle.--Mrs. + Maria's weakness.--To London alone.--Laura and Mabel.--Three + in a bed.--A risky poke.--Groping for the pot.--Nearly + caught.--Fred joins us. + +When I awakened on Sunday, I thought I had been dreaming, the images +of a dozen and more modest naked women passed through my brain. I could +think of nothing else, waited at the gate to see the young ladies go off +to church, and followed at a distance, walking with Mrs. Maria. I tried +to guess from the backs of the ladies which was which, every now and +then looked at Mrs. Maria, thinking of the hirsute charms of her cunt +and arm-pits. At church in an old-fashioned square pew, I could see many +of the young ladies' faces, and looked at them during the whole service, +thought at times that I mistook one for the other;--but no, although +each had a bonnet on, and was in full dress, I recognized each face, +recollected, bum, bubby, and motte of each. My well-frigged cock stood +from Psalms to Sermon. I went to church in the afternoon, because a few +pious girls liked two services. My cousins, and two other young ladies +dined at the Reverend's, it always was an early dinner, to let him get +to church. In the evening I again went to church, because the servants +went; and sat close to the two women who had played at flat-fucking. The +astonishment of my aunt at my going to church three times was so great, +that although I told her I went because I did not know what to do with +myself, she wrote to my mother about it. + +On Sunday night Fred returned. You may guess we saw on the Monday the +morning bathings. I told him all excepting that his sister had come to +bathe. "Did ------ and ------ come?" (naming her and cousin). "No." He +was satisfied. I told him about the two servants. Why I lied about my +cousins I cannot think, but was half ashamed of looking at all, and it +seemed more sinful to have seen my cousins than any one else. + +Afterwards Fred told me that in India he kept three young girls all +together in a bungalow; had bought them from their parents as virgins at +about twenty shillings each. He was conversant with female life there, +and explained how the women satisfied their leches with each other in +harems, if they could not get men. His girls, he said, did it, and did +it before him. I was amazed and wondered, and half thought him lying. +All my knowledge of women extended to their relations with men, and +although I had seen twice women on the top of each other, and seen one +gamahuche another, I still regarded them as baudy tricks got up for my +amusement; and had never realized the idea of women having leches for +each other, as men have for frigging each other. The latter had indeed +passed away from my mind as a boyish habit, no desire to feel a prick +then entered my mind, I even disliked touching a man. So I heard what +Fred told me, but remained incredulous, and was approaching middle-age +before I realized the fact that frigging another fellows doodle was +agreeable, and that some women find similar pleasures with their own +sex. The flat-cocking of the two if they were at it, which I now don't +doubt, left no agreeable or voluptuous impression on me. + +After breakfast having no shooting, Fred and I went to town to see our +women. Five minutes after our arrival, both were being fucked. We found +sitting with Mabel and Laura, the mistress of Lord A------, and will +call her Lady A.... After we had pumped our sperm out, we all went into +the sitting-room, Lady A.... was there still. Fred asked me what I had +been doing, I asked him the same, there was a general warm talk without +coarse language. Lady A.... told the girls they were lucky, for she had +not seen Lord A.... for a month, and had not had anything done to her +for that length of time. + +Fred then went out, and returned in an hour. Taking me a side he showed +me baudy engravings, which he meant to throw into the garden of the +school, where the young ladies walked daily after breakfast if fine. I +objected that his sister and cousin might find them. He did not care. +"It will make them all so damned randy, that they won't know whether +their arses are at their backs or fronts." This was all through my +telling him what I had heard the two girls in the bathroom say to +each other; and he actually that night got over the wall, into the +pleasure-grounds, and laid the prints in a long building, half shed half +summer-house. From his bed-room window we could see over the wall which +separated the Reverend's garden from the school-garden. I suggested +sending them to a young lady by post. "No, she would keep them to +herself." I must mention that each lady had a separate bedroom; they +were not allowed to go to each other's bed-room, they met only at meals, +or in the class-room, or drawing-room, or when out of doors. No,--the +prints had better be seen by several, they would tell each other, and +thus all see them. The idea of the girls seeing baudy pictures tickled +us immensely. I had then wondered why the school-mistresses made it a +rule that no lady should go into another's bed-room, and once asked my +female cousin. She said she did not know. + +Directly after breakfast we saw the ladies in the garden, pulled down +our blind, and peeped. "There is Carry," said Fred laughing as his +sister showed among them. We saw a group approach the spot, the next +instant all their heads were close together, looking at something. +Every now and then one would stealthily look up towards the house, then +another would, as if they feared being seen. On being joined by two or +three others, they all moved out of sight into the shed, and we saw no +more. + +Fred was delighted, he did nothing but suggest how such and such a one +felt at that moment. "I dare say their cunts are as hot as fire, their +thighs squeeze, their arses wriggle as they walk; they will all frig +themselves to-night." + +Fred soon afterwards said he must go to town by the next train. I would +go too. "I must go to so and so," said he, "so can't be with you much." +I resolved to stay. Going into the house I saw Mrs. Maria dressed, she +was going to town. "I will walk with you," said Fred, "to the station, +we shall go up together." Mrs. Maria went to London to make purchases, +and do all the business for the school. Neither came back till the +latest train; I was sitting smoking with the Reverend when his wife +returned, she looked worn out. Soon afterwards in came Fred, who looked +as if he had been out all night. Said he to Mrs. Maria in a surprised +manner, "Have you only just returned?" "Yes," said she in an innocent +way. "We have both come by the same train then without knowing it," he +replied. + +I don't know what thoughts led to it, but the conviction came over me +that he had seen Maria's thighs closer than he did through the cracks in +the bath-room partition. I noticed his manner next morning, saw him look +at her, and she at him at breakfast, and said to myself, "He has fucked +her." + +Next day we had shooting. At night Fred went to town. Next day Mrs. +Maria went, and came home late, Fred not returning till the following +morning. Mrs. Maria looked so tired that her husband noticed it. "She +has had her belly-full again," I said to myself. As she took her bath +next morning (Fred not with me), she rubbed herself dry, put on her +chemise, and felt her cunt; it was a prolonged feel. I told Fred of +that. His remarks were evidently intended to mislead me. + +We wanted to see the Saturday night bathing, though my aunt wanted to +return home; but as we had shooting on Saturday, she consented to remain +over Sunday. My cousins again dined with us at the Reverend's, and two +of my cousins' special friends. What pleasure I had in looking at them, +knowing the looks of their backs and bellies as well as their faces, +wondering what they thought of the baudy pictures, at the way in which +women continue to look so modest, talk softly, look in a man's face, and +keep a demure demeanor, even if lust be stinging their cunts. It is the +training in hypocrisy, which is so large a part of female education. + +On Friday Fred sprained his leg, on the Saturday it was too stiff to go +out shooting. I did, and returned to dinner. Mrs. Maria had attended to +him, her husband was at church nearly all Saturday, so perhaps she had +rubbed a little higher than his ankle. My aunt spent all the time she +could at the school, or walking out with her daughter and niece. + +Fred's sprain was an excuse for going to his bedroom whither I +accompanied him. In the dusty closet Fred's lameness was better. In +came the young ladies, the younger ones first. It was a pretty sight, a +decently voluptuous one, to see the dainty white-fleshed creatures throw +off their dresses, and stand naked, one by one entering the bath, rub +their flesh dry, and their cunt-wigs free from moisture; to see one with +her bum towards you, rubbing her back vigorously with a towel pulled +straight with both hands, whilst her bum-cheeks, loins, and thighs +quivered with the motion and friction. Another put one leg on a +chair whilst she rubbed her quim dry. Then came the servants. Again I +recollect having my lust more stirred at seeing the fuller grown women +strip, and stand with boots and stockings on; than at seeing the virgin +ladies naked. I can't account for this at all. I write exactly what I +recollect. + +When we saw Fred's sister, he whispered that all his family had a good +deal of hair on their privates. I saw his prick soon afterwards. He +spoke as if he were intimately acquainted with the cunts and pricks +of the whole family. The two young ladies who looked at each other's +privates did not do so again, the flat-fuckers took no pleasure in each +other's arms, they soaped each other's backs, and helped to dry each +other; both rubbed themselves in front of the fire,--a fine couple of +women. "I want to piddle so," said one just as she finished bathing. +"Piddle in the bath," said the other, "there is no one else going into +it." And she did so standing up, then jumped rapidly out, and they both +laughed. + +I have seen before and since through key-holes and peep-holes women and +men wash, but it was with difficulty. Here all was fairly clear. The +crevice admitted enough sight, to distinguish form, face, feature, and +colour of hair and eyes. I thought of it for years, but never told a +man. Oftentimes when fucking, the bathing spectacle came into my mind, +and fetched my sperm out of me in a moment. + +The next morning we jobbed a few more holes between other boards, so as +to make it look as if the shrinking of the wood had cracked the paper in +more than one place, carefully closed the door and dipped the heads of +the screws in vinegar to darken them. The whole looked rusty, and as we +hoped when we had done no one would ever guess the game we had been up +to. We swept up dust from the carpet, and pushed it under the bottom of +the door, and I think our prank never was known. The old house is pulled +down now. + +I went to church again for the pleasure of staring at the ladies, it was +rapture to look at them, and think of their virgin cunts, think they +had seen the baudy prints. My cousin Fred had gone out somewhere, Mrs. +Maria, who usually went to church with her husband, was ill. In the +middle of the service a thought came into my head. Feeling sure that +Fred was after the middle-aged plump lady, I left the church, and went +back, knocked at the door twice before it was opened, and then by Mrs. +Maria. Said she, "I let both servants go out." She told me this without +my asking her anything, her hair seemed a little rough, her manner +excited. I sat down, told her I had felt faint, and had a cholic in +church, and so had come home. "Fred has been unwell too," said she. +"Indeed?--I thought he was out." "He returned, and has been in bed this +hour." "Oh!" said I. It was clear to me why her hair was rough. Fred was +abed, but awake. Had Mrs. Maria been fucked on that bed? + +My aunt and I left the next day, and went to the Manor-House; Fred to my +astonishment could not get out of bed, so bad was his sprain; so we +left him there. At the Hall I got so lewd that I went up to London, and +rushed to Laura's lodgings the next night. + +"Both abed sir," said the servant who let me in. Finding no one in +Mabel's room, I went down to the first floor. The women were in bed +together. Laura opened the door to me, and got into bed again in the +dark; for company sake they slept together when we men were both away, +she said. + +Lewd with prolonged chastity, the two servants in the bath-room ran in +my mind as I sat chatting in the dark room. After having slipped my +hand under the clothing on to Mabel's cunt, "Have you been amusing each +other?--which was man, which woman?" were questions put and answered +with real or assumed ignorance, but with some giggling. Laura as I have +said never allowed a baudy word, so I ceased; and Laura I suppose savage +at Mabel having all the groping to herself, said, "You go first, and +warm the bed, and Mabel will come up to you." "No, you go and warm it +for me Mabel." "I won't." "Then I won't." Mabel seemed to me thick in +speech, muddled in manner, and half asleep. + +I fetched my candle. The women looked so fresh and handsome. "I'll sleep +with you both," said I beginning to undress. + +A slight altercation,--what would Fred say?--the servants think?--no she +would not permit it,--she knew the games we should be up to. Mabel +said, "No,--no, it wouldn't do." The more they said no, the quicker I +undressed, and with prick lifting up my shirt, forced myself into bed, +by the side of Mabel. Laura jumped out the other side, her white legs +showing half-way up her thighs as she did so. + +She stood by the bed-side wrangling, and looking at me as randy as +possible, spite of herself. I should not stay,--she would not go to bed. +"Well my dear Laura, go up to our bed." "I shant." Tired of standing in +the cold she said, "Well will you promise to keep quiet?" "Perfectly." +"Come on," said Mabel, "Fred won't know." So putting out the light into +bed got Laura. Perhaps she thought she would like on the quiet to hear +the amatory talk of Mabel and myself,--hear if she could not see or feel +our tricks,--who knows? + +"Turn your back to Mabel,--go to sleep Laura,--now you won't see or +hear." "You know your promise,--don't you let him Mabel." "How can I +help it?" said Mabel in a muddled manner. "You are a couple of dirty +beasts," said Laura turning her rump towards us. We heeded not, for we +were fucking. Laura spoke not another word, she lay as if asleep. Then +I fell fast asleep on the edge of the bed cuddling Mabel. It was close +packing. + +I awakened cold on one side, hot on the other next Mabel, who lay +snoring profoundly. The regular breathing of Laura told me she was +asleep. My prick was stiff, and as I thought of the two women by the +side of me, it got ungovernable. + +"How I should like a put into Laura," I thought, but had a high sense +of honor, and checked the desire. "What, Fred's woman?--for shame +Walter.--Well (reflecting) he took my two women in the country.--Yes," +replied my conscience, "but nothing made them yours,--not completely at +least, one had had another man, but Laura is _his_ woman, his temporary +wife, he is fond of her, he keeps her." But my prick kept throbbing with +desire to be up her. + +I thought of Fred's description of the thick hair on her cunt, of the +quickness with which she pissed, of all he had foolishly told me of her +perfections, until my brain whirled. "There can't be any harm in just +feeling her flesh,--no one will know." I could only guess where she +was in the darkness; but carefully stretching my hand over Mabel quite +slowly, it touched a bunch of night-gown, and then warm flesh. She +was lying on her back, Mabel had her rump towards her. I raised myself +gently up to feel further, touched the hips, the thighs, then the smooth +belly, further on, and my hand laid in the thick hair of her cunt. + +Up to that time I had my reason, could reflect, pause, control myself; +the woman of any friend of mine was safe from attack from me, but I had +had a fancy that there had been once or twice in Laura's look and manner +towards me, a slight gleam of desire; yet the idea of having her never +had entered my head, I should have chased it instantly. But from the +moment my hand lighted on the crisp thicket, reason left me, voluptuous +desire overwhelmed me: I forgot Fred, almost forgot Mabel. + +Slowly, inch by inch, I moved myself half up and my arm over Mabel as +she lay, fearing it would wake her, and slid my finger down between +Laura's cunt-lips, and gently frigged, listening to Mabel's snoring, +and Laura's breathing. At length I must have produced a voluptuous +sensation, she got restless, and opened her thighs, moved, clasped my +hand, and in a peevish sleepy tone said, "Don't Mabel,--what are you +doing?" + +"It's I"; I whispered frigging on. "Oh!" said she pushing my hand away. +"Oh! if you wake Mabel." She kept repulsing my hand saying "don't," I +replacing it. My hand frigging her clitoris. + +She turned her backside towards Mabel, I then fumbled between her +bum-cheeks; but she was too far off. Slowly I got out of bed, and +feeling my way round the foot in the dark, I got to Laura's side. She +heard me. I put my mouth to her ear, "Let me dear," and thrusting my +hand under the clothes felt her cunt from motte to bum-hole. "Oh! no, if +Mabel--" Mabel's snoring reassured me. Little by little I uncovered +her, lifting off the clothes, got on to her, up her, and without a +word, without a whisper, without resistance or denial we fucked gently, +pausing at intervals to listen, hiding our emotions and pleasures as we +spent, Laura's flanks and my hand close to Mabel's rump, my leg almost +touching Mabel's leg, she still snoring like a pig. + +"Go," said Laura, her mouth to my ear, and un-cunting me. Quietly, +without reply, I got off, and back again crept stealthily to Mabel's +side, and at the very moment that I was lifting the bed-clothes Mabel +awoke, and said directly, "what are you getting up for?--where are you +going?" + +I was for a moment at my wits' end. "Where is the pot?" said I. "Under +the bed," said Mabel. "Laura!" Laura did not answer, and breathed +heavily. I pissed, and got into bed. It was a close fit. Mabel took hold +of my prick. "It's wet," said she drowsily. Down went my hand, the hairs +were wet and sticky. Mabel was too sleepy to notice what the wet was, +yet I feared. "Turn on your back dear," said I. She did. I got on her, +and put my prick in though not stiff. "Don't,--I'm tired,--wait till +morning,--get off, Laura will hear." "Here is a lark," thought I, and +got off her, turning my bum towards Mabel's belly, as the best way to +economize room, and I was soon asleep again. She snored off instantly. + +Excitement wakened me early. The house was quiet, it was quite dark, we +all three talked. Laura laid sulking, I reminded her of Fred's remark +at Vauxhall about her pissing quickly; that only made her sulkier. +At length upstairs I went with Mabel to our bed-room, to prevent the +servants knowing anything. When we came down to breakfast, Laura and +I looked at each other hard. When I got a chance of speaking to her +privately, she would not hear the deed alluded to; reminded me that Fred +was my cousin, and a good fellow. After that I never spoke to her on the +subject for weeks, I felt ashamed of myself; but for all that my cock +would often tingle, and raise its head when I looked at her. One day +there she being alone, we fell talking about that night. I had never +known her so warm; we wondered Mabel had not heard. "And the hair of my +prick was wet with our spending Laura." "No it was yours." "No yours." +"Let's try again." She rushed out of the room. + +The night after poking Laura I took them to the play, at supper Mabel +drinking rather freely, Laura said that she had better not take as much +as she had the last night. Then I found she had lushed rather freely, +which accounted for her sleeping so soundly. She had a strong liking for +liquors of all sorts. + +A day or two afterwards Fred arrived, looking as if his prick had never +left a cunt for a month. I asked him how Mrs. Maria was, he laughed, +and repeated that he should not mind having her; but said no more. Soon +after we went back to the country, to spend Christmas at my aunt's. My +mother, Tom, and one of my sisters also came. They were much in my way. + +For brevity I compress the events of the next few months; it is a pity, +but it would print to three the length otherwise. Briefly I was obliged +to get back once or twice to my aunt's to see Pender privately, though +I did not want to have her. I was mostly in London. One or two funny +whoring incidents I must leave out altogether, and for the same reason: +brevity. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + +My cousin at home.--Pender's belly.--A lawyer's letter.--Action +for crim-con threatened.--Suspicions.--A compensation.--The Penders +leave.--Wholesale whorings.--A frolic at Lord A...'s.--After +dinner.--Newspaper readings.--A strange rape.--Bets on pricks.--Pricks +felt.--Fred on his head.--Beds on the floor.--Free fucking.--End of the +orgie. + +My cousin came home from school, and when dancing or talking with her, +I used to think of the look of her bum. One young lady from the school +whose posteriors I also knew came to stay. Fred and I used to laugh +about the adventure, and about his sister and cousin as much as about +the others. + +Mrs. Pender's belly was like a mountain, her husband I fancied scowled +at me. Mrs. P. looked scared, and whisking past me in the farm-yard one +day with a milk-pail, said in a low voice as she passed, "For God's sake +keep away," and I did, feeling uneasy, In cold weather my aunt ceased to +go to the farm-yard, our own shooting was over, and I had no reason for +crossing the farm-yard; but at the end of a week my cock was so much in +want of amusement, that I made up my mind to have a poke up Pender if +I could, and way-laid her in the shrubbery-walk. She told me that on +a particular day her man would go some distance to buy cattle, and she +would try to meet me in the barn. Chance favored us, we fucked, and +talked at intervals for two or three hours, she having a poke, then +going out for a time, coming back again, and so on. + +I heard that her husband suspected her and me, he was sure it was not +his child. Some one had seen me and her together in the lane, he would +not say who. Said Mrs. P., "I don't know what, but I am sure he is up to +something bad to you or me, and I live in a fright; I can scarcely eat, +drink, or sleep for thinking about what's to happen." + +About a month after this, I received a letter from a lawyer in London +saying he wished to see me. I went, and found that he was instructed to +bring an action against me for seducing Mrs. Pender. I denied all, +but it was of no use. I at once went to my solicitor, who after a time +feared the case could be proved against me. The action would be brought +for damages (there was no divorce possible then), and there would be the +scandal, the annoyance to my aunt, and the horror of my mother. The +only chance of getting a word with Mrs. P. was way-laying her in the +laurel-walk. When I saw her she looked the picture of misery, her +husband had refused to sleep in the same bed with her. At about five +o'clock one evening, it being quite dark, she had given me a signal +during the day, I went to the privy. There I fucked her, she said how +utterly miserable she was, and asked me to take her away. Uprighters +were never to my taste, and now her big belly made it far from +pleasurable. I got worried, and at length after much legal annoyance, +agreed to give five hundred pounds, on condition that I had a letter +from Pender saying that he was very sorry for what he had done, that +he was convinced he had made a mistake, and was then sure of his wife's +fidelity, or something to that effect. + +Before this was quite settled, Mr. Pender got leave of absence, and +went away somewhere. My solicitor asked me whether I had any reason to +suspect that Mrs. P. had told her husband. Immediately I became savagely +suspicious, went to the cottage under pretense of asking for Pender +himself, although I knew he was away, and insisted she should meet me at +the town. I thought of nothing until we met, but how I should entrap her +into a confession, and worked myself up into a belief that the couple +were making a market of me. + +She undressed, I caressed her, with hand on her cunt, looked at her and +said, "Your husband means to make a fortune out of me." "What he,--ho, +ho, ho," she cried, "the wretch,--oh! I shall be exposed,--ho, ho," and +was as white as a sheet. When she got better, I told her all, she +knew nothing about what her husband had done, and begged I would pay +nothing,--she would drown herself.--and I left, convinced that the poor +woman was true to me. + +Pender gave notice to leave, and forfeiting wages left his place, and +went to the North of England. Months afterwards I received a scrawl +saying that the child was exactly like me, that P. was not unkind, but +she was unhappy, would like to see me; and if I wished it she would run +away, and be as good as a wife to me. There was no name or address to +it, and I never heard of her afterwards. + +I thought all settled, and that no one would know about it; but for all +that it leaked out. Months afterwards being at my aunts, I got into +one of her servants, and after giving her a good fucking one night, and +telling her after a fuck not to wash, she said, "I don't want you to +get me in the family way like Mrs. Pender." She had heard that. How the +devil did it leak out? + +After Christmas Fred and I went to see our women, he wanted more than +I did. I had some harlotting; not being at all faithful to Mabel, I had +fits of great incontinence, and as many as three different women on the +same day, at times. + +Exceedingly nice women were then to be met in the Quadrant from eleven +to one in the morning, and three till five in the afternoon. I would +have one before luncheon, get another after luncheon, dine, and have a +third women. I would at other times go under the Opera colonade, where +they used to assemble in the summer evenings with low dresses showing +shoulders and breasts; to see them, even if I did not want a fuck. I +had an insatiable desire to look at their nudity, would strip them, +make them piss, feel them all over, leave, and in an hour perhaps have +another. I had no leches for fancy postures. To see their thighs and +cunts in free but graceful attitudes was sufficient pleasure. During +this time the following occurred. + +An intimate friend of Fred's was Lord A-----he lived with a lady who was +called Lady A.... I don't think she had been gay, and in that respect +resembled Laura and Mabel. The three women were much together. We often +saw Lord A...., and all became friends. Lord A.... was not very true to +his lady. He lived in B.t.n street, where he had at that time the whole +of a handsomely furnished house, but only could half occupy it. His +indoor servants were a middle-aged woman who cooked, a maid who was her +niece, and his valet, who waited at table as well. A woman who did not +sleep in the house came daily. He had grooms and a coachman, but not in +the house. Lord A.... had quarrelled with his father. He had been in the +Guards, and drank very freely. + +He invited us one night to dinner, and gave a splendid one. By the time +we had finished, we were all noisy. It was never our custom to use baudy +language when in each other's company. Laura had a great aversion to it. +Mabel liked me to talk baudy to her, but did not talk it herself. Fred +always after dinner would let out a warm word or so, and was at once +snubbed by Laura. For all that our conversation after dinner was +generally warm with _double entente_. + +On the night in question our conversation got to open voluptuousness. +Fred and Lord A.... went in for it, Mabel laughed, Laura hished and +hished, said she would leave, but at last gave way, as did Lady A....; +then we men got to lewdness. Whenever any sensuous allusion was made, +my eyes sought Laura's, hers seeking mine; we were both thinking of the +quiet and quick fuck we had, with Mabel snoring by our side. We compared +our thoughts on that night, but at a future day. + +Just at that time a case filled the public journals. It was a charge of +rape on a married woman, against a man lodging in the same house. She +was the wife of a printer on the staff of a daily paper, who came home +extremely late; she always went to be leaving her door unlocked, so that +her husband might get in directly he came home. The lodger was a friend +of her husband's, and knew the custom of leaving the door unlocked,--in +fact he was a fellow-printer. + +She awakened in the night with the man between her thighs, had opened +them readily, thinking it was her husband. It appears to have been her +habit, and such her husband's custom on returning home, or so she said. +The lodger had actually all but finished his fuck, before she awakened +sufficiently to find out that it was not the legitimate prick which was +probing her. Then she alarmed the house, and gave the man in charge for +committing a rape. The papers delicately hinted that the operation was +complete before the woman discovered the mistake,--but of course it left +much to the reader's imagination. + +Fred read this aloud. I knew more, for the counsel of the prisoner was +my intimate friend. He had told me that the prisoner had had her twice, +that she had spent with him; that he had often said he meant to go in, +and have her, that she had dared him to do it, and that she only made a +row when she thought she heard her husband at the door on the landing, +although it was two hours before his usual time of return. His prick was +in her when she began her outcry. + +With laughter and smutty allusions we discussed the case. "Absurd," +said Laura, "she must have known it was not her husband." "Why?" "Why +because--," and Laura stopped. "If you were asleep, and suddenly felt a +man on you of about my size, and his prick up you, very likely you would +not tell if it were mine or not," said Fred. Laura threw an apple at his +head. Decency was banished from that moment, a spade was called a spade, +and unveiled baudiness reigned. + +"I should know if it were not you," said Lady A... looking at Lord A... +"How?" "Ah! I should,--should you not know another woman from Laura, if +you got into bed with two women in the dark?" said she to Fred. "I am +not sure for the moment if with a woman just her size, and as much hair +on her cunt," said he. "I tell you what Fred, I won't have it," said +Laura ill-tempered, "talk about some one else, I won't have beastly +talk about me." "I'll bet," said I, "that if the ladies were to feel our +pricks in the dark, they would not tell whose they each had hold of." +Roars of laughter followed. "I should like to try," said Mabel. "So +would I," said another. "Would you know, if you felt us?" said one +women. "If I felt all your cunts in the dark, I'll bet I should know +Marie's," said Lord A.... "That is if you felt all round and about," +said Fred, "but not if she opened her legs, and you only felt the +notch." "I think I should." + +"Why?--is she different from others?" Lord A---- + +was going to say something, when Marie told him to shut up. + +So we went on, the men in lascivious language, the women in more +disguised terms, discussing the probabilities of distinguishing cunts +or pricks by a simple feel in the dark. Each remark caused roars of +laughter, the women whispered to each other, and laughed at their own +sayings. Lewdness had seized us all, the women's eyes were brilliant +with voluptuous desire. More wine was drunk, "Call it by its proper +name," said Lord A.... when Marie remarked that a woman must know her +own man's thing. "Prick then." "I will bet five pounds that Mabel would +not guess my prick in the dark, if she felt all of us," said I. "And +I'll bet," said another. "Shall we try?" said Fred. "Yes," said Mabel +more fuddled than the rest. Baudier and baudier, we talked, laughed, and +drank, and at length set to work to make rules for trying, all talking +at once. + +One proposed one way, one another. "I can't tell unless I feel balls as +well," said a woman. "Will they be stiff when we feel?" said another. +"Mine will," said Fred, "it's stiff already." "So is mine," added I. + +"How shall we know where to put our hands, if we are in the dark?" said +Lady A.... "If a man is in front of you, you will find it fast enough," +answered some one. Laura had now yielded to the baudy contagion, and +made no objection, though Mabel and Lady A.... were the most forward. +Then Lord A... rang the bell, and told his valet he might go out for the +night, and his house-keeper and maid they might go to bed, which they +did at the top of the house, as we supposed. The sequel proved that to +be doubtful, and that they must have had a most edifying night. + +After lewd squabbles, we arranged that each man was to give the woman if +she guessed the prick right, ten pounds; the men were to be naked, the +women to feel all the men's cocks, and give a card to him whose prick +she thought she knew. The room was to be dark. No man was to speak, +or give any indication by laughing, coughing, or any other way, under +penalty of paying all the bets. The women were to lose if they spoke, +or gave indications of who they were. + +I took three cards, and wrote the name of a lady on each of them. +Then each lady took her card, and they went upstairs to the bed-room +pell-mell and laughing. The women were to stand of a row in a certain +order against a side of the room, we to follow in an order they did not +know. They were to feel all pricks twice, each giving her card to the +man at the second feel, if she knew the prick. We undressed to our +shirts, took off our rings, so as to leave no indications, and in that +condition entered the room. The dining-room door we closed, there was no +light on the first-floor lobby, nor in the bed-room, for we had put +out the fire there. So holding each other by the shoulder, we entered, +closed the door, and we were all in the room together in the dark. + +We lifted our shirts, and closed on the women, each of whom in her turn +felt our pricks. One felt mine as if she meant to pull it off. On the +second feeling, we got somehow mixed, a slight tittering of women began, +some one hished, and the tittering ceased. Two hands touched me at the +same time, but one withdrew directly she touched the other's hand. A +card was put into my hand, afterwards another card touched me, and was +withdrawn. After waiting a minute I nudged the man next me. "Have you +all given cards?" shouted out the man. "Yes," shouted the three women +at once. Then we all burst out laughing, and the men went downstairs, +leaving the women all talking at once like Bedlam broke loose. + +Looking at our cards, we found that each women had guessed rightly her +man's prick; but we changed our cards, and called out to the women who +came rushing down like mad. "Not one of you has guessed right," said I, +"you have all lost your bets." "I'll swear I'm right," said Lady A..., +"it's Adolphus that I gave my card to." This set us all questioning at +once. "What makes you so sure?" "She says it's very long and thin," said +Mabel, "and so it is." "Hold your tongue," said Marie. "I felt it," said +Mabel. "They all seemed the same to me," said Laura, "and one of you +pushed my hand away." "It was I," said Fred, "you wanted to feel too +much, you nearly frigged me," "Oh! what a lie." Then we told the truth, +and that each women had won, which caused much noisy satisfaction, then +we had more wine, we men still with naked legs. + +I have told all I can recollect with exactitude, but there was lots more +said and done. Fred pulled up Lord A...'s shirt, his cock was not stiff. +"That's not as it was when I felt it," said Mabel. "You've guessed +pricks, but for all that you would not know who fucked you in the dark." +"We should," cried out all the women. "Let's try," said Lord A... "All +right," said Mabel. "We are not prostitutes," said Laura. "A little free +fucking will be jolly, let's take turns about all round," said Fred. +Then the room resounded with our laughter, all spoke baudily at once, +every second, "prick," "cunt," "fuck," was heard from both men and +women,--it was a perfect Babel of lasciviousness. + +"I'll bet ten pounds a women doesn't guess who fucks her," said Lord +A... We echoed him. The women laughed, but led by Laura refused, and +squabbled. All wanted the bet to come off, but did not like to admit +it. We had more champagne, the men put on their trowsers, we kissed all +round, and talked over the way of deciding such a bet, the women got +randier, one showed her leg to another, and at length all the women +agreed to take part in the orgie. + +The rest I shall tell as truthfully as I can. The drink and excitement +I was under makes it difficult; but I will tell nothing I am not quite +sure of. We arranged a plan with such noise and talking, that God knows +how it was arranged at all. Where were we to poke?--in the bed-room? +Impossible, there was but one large bed in Lady A... 's room, and one in +the back-room. + +How were we to fuck all together? We all rushed upstairs, took all the +beds and pillows from both rooms, and from the upper rooms, and put them +on the floor in the large room, making one long bed, after moving aside +the furniture. The fire had been put out. All this was done with shouts +and yells, a fearful lascivious riot. + +The women were to lie down in an order known to us, Lady A... nearest +to the door, and so on. There was to be absolute silence. Each man as +he knelt between the woman's legs was to put a card with a number on it +under her pillow. We men knew which number each had, the women were not +to know which man was to have her, directly we had fucked we were to +return, each woman was to produce her card, and guess who had been up +her, they were to be in their chemises, we in our shirts. I never +shall forget the looks of the women as they went upstairs to arrange +themselves for the fucking, but think that they scarcely knew the rules +of what they were to do. + +The women undressed quickly enough, for we had scarcely had time to +tie up our faces in napkins to prevent our whiskers being noticed (Lord +A.... had none), before a voice shouted out, "We are ready." Then with +shirts on only, up we men went. I only recollect kneeling down between +Lady A... 's legs (we had agreed among ourselves how to change our +women), giving a card, feeling a cunt, and putting my prick into it, +then hearing the rustling of limbs, hard breathing, sighing, and moans +of pleasure of the couples fucking fast and furiously; of my brain +whirling, of a maddening sensuality delighting me as I clasped the +buttocks of Lady A..., and fucked her. + +We must have spent nearly all together, none when we compared after, +recollected more than his own performance. All were quiet. I was feeling +round my prick which was still in Lady A... 's cunt, when a light +flashed powerfully through the room. That devil Fred had risen, and +lighted several lucifers, which then was done by dipping them in a +bottle,--they were expensive. What a sight was disclosed at a glance! + +All three women lay with chemises up to their navels, Lady A... on her +back, I on the top of her (rising rapidly at the light). Next to her +Mabel seemingly asleep with thighs wide open. Fred kneeling between +them, holding the lighted matches, Laura on her back with open thighs, +eyes closed, Lord A... cuddling, but nearly off of her by her side, and +his prick laying on her thigh. The women shrieked, and began pulling +down their chemises. I swore at Fred, the women joined chorus. "Most +ungentlemanly," said Laura getting up. That got up Lord A... Mabel lay +still on her back as if ready to be stroked again. But all was said. In +a minute the lucifers burnt out, and it was dark again. Scuffling up we +men went downstairs, leaving the women chattering. Soon after down they +came, looking screwed, lewd, and annoyed that the bets were off, and all +chattering at once. + +Mabel was quarrelsome. "You," said she turning to Lady A..., "said that +your husband's thing was long and thin, you tried to mislead me in the +bet, you wanted to make me lose." They had evidently been discussing +their men's pricks. + +"So you have been telling how each of us fucks," said Fred. Laura denied +it. "We did," said Mabel. "It's a lie Mabel, if you say it again, I'll +tell something more than you will like to hear about yourself." Mabel +retorted, Lady A... chimed in. It was a Babel of quarrelsome lewd women, +with their cunts full. + +I feared a row, and that Mabel might after all know more about my having +had Laura, the night we all three slept in the same bed, than I cared +for; so I pacified them. Fred said we had better try again, Laura +objected. "Oh! yes Mrs. Modest," said Mabel, "when you found it was not +Fred, why didn't you cry out?" "I didn't know," said Laura. "Ah! ah! the +printer's wife," we shouted, then more baudy talk, recriminations, and +squabbling. Laura said she should go home, Fred said she might go by +herself. Lord A... who had half fallen asleep, said it was too late, +and we had better stop. Some one said we could soon again make the beds +comfortable in the upper rooms. "That be damned," said Fred, "we will +all sleep on the floor as they are now." "Free fucking for ever," said +I. Laura said I was a blackguard, Mabel said she should like it, Lady +A... said she didn't care, if Adolphus didn't, Adolphus said any cunt +would suit him. He was reeling drunk as he spoke. + +All this time we were in shirts and chemises. One woman had thrown a +shawl over her, one a petticoat, but their breasts flashed out, their +arms were naked, their legs showing to their knees, the men were naked +to their knees in their shirts. The scene was exciting, the women hadn't +washed their cunts, Fred said so. Mabel asked him if he was sure of it. +No, he would feel. Laura told him he must be drunk, and was a beast. +"Drunk?" said he, "look here." He turned a sommersault, and stood on his +hands and head, his heels against the wall, his backside in the air, +his prick and cods falling downwards over his belly, his shirt over +his head. Lady A... took up a bunch of grapes, and dashed it on his +ballocks. Then we chased the women round the room, tried to feel them, +and they us. It was like hell broke loose, till we agreed to sleep on +the floor together, any how. + +No lights; lights and piss-pots were put in the back bed-room,--a woman +suggested that. "You're frightened of farting," said some one. The women +went up to make the beds more comfortable, whilst we men fetched candles +from the kitchen, the others being well nigh burned out. The women had +washed their cunts, we had more wine, and then we all were pretty well +screwed, and Lord A... pretty drunk when we went up to them. + +Up to that time I was sufficiently sober to know all I have written, and +plenty more. Surely I could tell a lot more of our conversation, but it +would prolong the tale too much. After the last bottle of champagne +I was groggy, recollect less clearly, was in a half-sleepy, feverish, +excited, and baudy state, my sleep was broken by others, but when awake +my prick stood immediately, and I moved all night from one woman to +another, fucking, and then dozing. + +To satisfy Laura, and keep up a sort of appearance, we had said we +would only have our own women, who were again to lay in a certain order. +Directly they had left the room, we agreed to change. A... doggedly +insisted in having Mabel, so I was to take Laura, and Fred Lady A... It +was such a lark. My prick was up Laura, when she cried, "It's not you +Fred." Then were simultaneous exclamations, "I'm not Mabel,"--"What a +lovely cunt!"--"Leave me alone,"--"Feel my big prick," "Damn, a cunt's +a cunt," hiccupped Lord A... "Oh!--ah!"--"Ha! my love fuck,--my +darling, oh!"--kiss, kiss,--spending,--"Aha!"--sighs of delight, +"cunt,"--"fuck,"--"oh!"--"ah! ah!" And I fell asleep on Laura amidst +this. + +Awake again. By my side a wet cunt, a heavy sleeper. Turning round, my +legs met naked legs. I stretched out my hand, and felt a prick, perhaps +Fred's, I don't know. Getting up I felt my way stumbling over legs to +the wall to the furthest woman, and laid myself on her. "Don't Adolphus, +I'm so sleepy," said she. The next instant we were fucking. Others +awakened. "Where are you?" said some one. Then all moved, one man swore, +a hand felt my balls from behind. I was spending, and rolled off the +lady; turning my bum to her. Then I touched Mabel, and put my hand on +her cunt. A man dropped on her, and touched my hand with his prick. +Ejaculations burst out on all sides, the couples were meeting again, +then all was quiet, and the fucking done. Then all talked. All modesty +was gone, both men and women told their sensations and wants, "You fuck +me,--Feel me.--No, I want so and so," Laura as lewd as the rest. + +Again awaking. A hand was feeling my prick. "Is it you Laura?" "Yes." I +felt her cunt. "Oh! let me go and piddle." But I turned on to her, and +we fucked. "How wet your cunt is." "No wonder." + +Again I awakened, some one got up, and fell down. "Hulloa! who is that?" +"I want to piss, and can't get up," said Lord A... in a drunken voice. +Some one opened the door, a feeble light came across from the back room, +we helped him up and he stumbled along with us men to piss. Then he +insisted on going downstairs. He could scarcely stand, so we helped +him to the dining-room, we lighted more candles, he swilled more wine, +tumbled on to the sofa, where we left him drunk and snoring, and found +him snoring the next morning with the heath-rug over him. We two went +back to the women. "I've fucked all three," said Fred. "So have I." +"Laura's a damned fine fuck, ain't she?" Some one shut the room-door +opposite, as we reached the landing. We pushed it open. Two ladies were +pissing: Marie and Laura. "Where is Mabel?" "Drunk," replied one. The +two were past caring for anything, pissed and went back with us to the +bed-room. I took a light there. Mabel was on her back nearly naked, we +covered her up, for it was cold. Then I fucked Laura, and Fred Lady A... +The light we left now on the wash-hand stand, as we looked at each +other fucking and enjoyed it, and then we changed women. There was no +cunt-washing, we fucked in each other's sperm, no one cared, all liked +it, all were screwed, baudy, reckless, Mabel snoring. + +I awakened after a heavy sleep, chilly, feverish, headaching, and +thirsty. I drew aside the curtains; it was late, light, but foggy; a +nasty winter's morning. Fred and the three ladies lay snoring, some +covered, others partially so, the floor looking as if every article of +bed-furniture had been thrown down with a pitchfork. I drank water, and +fucked out as I was, my lubricity was unsatiated. I could not resist +gratifying it. + +Moving stealthily I uncovered the sleepers one by one. It was easy +enough, as the clothes lay loose and in shapeless heaps. I saw Fred's +prick touching Mabel's haunch, contemplated Laura's thick-haired quim, +saw spunk on her chemise. She looked lovely. Lady A... on her back, +her hand over her cunt, red stains about her, and on the sheet which I +pulled off of her,--her poorliness had come on. Mabel on her back looked +ready for a man. My cock stiffened, I laid myself on Laura, and awakened +her. That awakened Fred who mounted Mabel. Both couples took to +the exercise in the foggy day-light, and a long time we were in +consummating. "Oh! do leave off," said Laura, "I'm so sore." My prick +was excoriated, it had not been so for many a day. + +Never have I been in such an orgie before, never since, and perhaps +never shall be; but it was one of the most delicious nights I ever +spent. So said Fred, so said Mabel; and Laura admitted to me at a future +day that she thought the same, and that since, when she frigged herself, +she always thought of it, and nothing else. + +I thought of nothing else for a long time. Nothing has ever yet fixed +itself in my mind so vividly, so enduringly, except my doings with my +first woman, Charlotte. At the beginning of my writing these memoirs, +this was among the first described. The narrative as then written was +double its present length, and I am sorry that I have abbreviated it, +for the occurrences as I correct this proof seem to come on too quickly. +Whereas we dined at seven o'clock, and it was one o'clock I guess before +we all went to bed together, and the stages from simple voluptuousness +to riotous baudiness and free-fucking were gradual. At eight o'clock not +one of us would have dared to think of, still less to suggest, what we +all did freely at midnight. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + + Morning headaches.--An indignant housekeeper.--A saucy + valet.--Consequences.--Fred leaves England.--Lady A...'s + invitation.--Laura a widow.--Farewell Laura.--Adieu Mabel.-- + My guardian's remonstrances.--Parental advice.--Ruined.-- + Reflexions.--My relations. + +With headaches, heated, irritable, thirsty, worn out, we arose; the men +quiet, the women quarrelsome. The women began to dress, some where +they had slept, some in the other room. We went down to Lord A..., and +awakened him. He went upstairs, and bawled out to the housekeeper (he +had rang the bell violently several times without her appearing). +"Make us some tea directly," said he. She answered, "I shant,--make it +yourself." "I'll dismiss you if you don't." "I ain't going to make, +tea for prostitutes," said she, "and we are not going to keep in such a +house." Fred said the wine was bad, or his head would not ache so. +A... said Fred knew nothing about wine. Mabel who had heard what the +housekeeper said, bawled out that she would go up, and tear her eyes +out. The free-fucking tone was gone, each man seemed jealous, and spoke +harshly to his woman. At a remark of Marie's, Lord A... told her to go +to another room. No, she should not till Mabel was out of the house. +Mabel not quite sober, told me I had better go home with Laura. Fred +said Laura would go home with him. Laura was quiet, and tried to get +Fred to leave with her, and told Mabel she would be better if she took +less liquor. At length we separated. We four were going to the same +house, but went in separate cabs, then to our own rooms, and had +breakfast separately there,--a thing we never had done before. We always +lived in Laura's apartments, and shared the expenses. + +After breakfast Mabel and I went to bed, late in the day we awakened. +I was refreshed, for then a long sleep restored me from any excess. +Although I did not like Mabel's behaviour, and did not care about her +having had the other men as I thought, yet it annoyed me; but it had the +effect of giving me a strong lech for her for some time. I used to think +as I fucked her, of my prick rubbing where Freds and Lord A... 's had +rubbed. It delighted me to say, "Should you know it was my prick if +you had just awakened?"--"Did his hurt you, when he pushed like +this?"--shove, shove,--"Tell me how Fred goes just before he spends." +We used to fetch each other by talking over that night; but she did not +recollect very clearly, and declared she was sure I had not had her, +although I certainly had her once that night, and when the spunk of +Lord A... and Fred's was in her. It used to horrify me when I thought of +that, such was my masculine inconsistency then. + +We all four dined together, but were a little reserved until wine was +in us, then we laughed about the night; but Laura saying we had better +forget it, we agreed not to talk about it again, nor did we with the +women. Fred and I used often to do so, he never seemed so happy as when +he was asking me, if Laura was not a damned fine fuck, but directly I +said yes, he was silent. + +The frolic brought about a great deal of mischief. Lord A...'s +housekeeper and maid left that day, they would not stop. I dare say they +had seen and heard enough to tell them the games we were up to, for we +were not particular about shutting doors. Lord A... regretted the cook, +because she was such a good one. She told the valet, and soon after he +was insolent to Lady A..., so Lord A... kicked him out. He summoned +A... before a magistrate for an assault, and A... was fool enough not to +compromise it. The man told a lot. The owner of the house gave Lord A... +notice to quit, he and Lady A... went to lodgings, and the publicity +embroiled Lord A... still more with his family. + +Neither was the friendship between us all quite the same. Laura and +Mabel quarrelled. Lord A... would not let his mistress visit them unless +he was with her, Laura would never leave Mabel in the room alone with +Fred. Occasionally we still dined together, and went to the theatre. One +night when we had had much wine, we joked about the night, and the women +got quarrelling. Laura said the affair was disgraceful, and had it not +been for Mabel, it never would have happened. Mabel bounced off to her +own rooms. Soon after I took separate lodgings for Mabel. There she +was always in tears, if I left her long, and if away a day or two, she +wanted to know if I had been with Laura. Lady A... visited Mabel, +and was frightened to let her Lord know it. Then Lord and Lady A... +quarrelled, he had the clap, and gave it to his mistress. Fred and I +were always excellent friends, and at some annoyance through the women, +suggested we should go to Paris, and leave them alone in London. + +Before going I met Lady A... walking out, who asked me in, in saying +Lord A... would be glad to see me. As I had not quarrelled with him, I +thought a chat might heal our coolness. When indoors, she called out to +him, and professed to be surprised at his not being there. If I would +wait, he would be in soon. We got nearer and nearer to each other on the +sofa, began talking about the free-fucking night, of the good aim she +had made with the bunch of grapes on Fred's balls, as he stood on his +head. We got very lewd, I kissed her, she me. Would she know it was I +who was up her, if I came in in the dark to her? She could not say, +but should know it was not A..,--a beast. "Beast, why?--have you +quarrelled?" Then she told me that A... was often drunk, and stayed away +from her for days. "He has got a disease from a beastly gay woman, and +hasn't slept with me for weeks." "And not had you?" "Of course not." +"Oh! don't you want it?" "No wonder if I do." At once I put my hands +up her petticoats, felt her nice plump thighs, my fingers rubbed on the +smooth quim. "Oh! don't--I can't bear it." I pulled out a stiff prick, +and put it into her hand, we toyed with each other's genitals for a +minute, then she sunk back on the sofa, I on her, and we copulated. + +I stayed the whole evening with her, fucking at intervals. A... did not +come back. I am sure she knew he would not, and had asked me in because +she wanted me to have her. She did not tell me she had had the clap, nor +I her,--it was Mabel who had told me. + +She hinted she should like to meet me again, and I made some half-sort +of promise, but never did. Mabel became more and more expensive, +discontented, lusty, and quarrelsome, and she was not clean. She would +feel my wet prick after it had left her cunt, and then cut bread and +butter without washing her hands. We had rows, and I left her, giving +her a handsome sum of money. Laura said she had gone back to Plymouth +with Lord A..., who had left Lady A... Then Fred, I and Laura were just +as we used to be. He seemed to have forgotten everything, and I never +presumed on having poked Laura. We went to Paris, leaving Laura in +London with her sister, who came up to stay with her,--a nice girl. + +Though short of money now, Fred and I at Paris took no heed, but rattled +away as if our purses were inexhaustable. His furlough was nearly up. We +had no end of women. "Old ------ (naming a relative) will leave you all +his money," said he, "he's fond of you, and has no one else to leave it +to." I and all my family thought that; my mother had repeatedly warned +me that he was discontented with my goings on; but I counted on his +love for me, love since I was a baby; so I played at Paris a jolly game, +regardless of money. + +When I came back from Paris, I tried to retrench, but found it all but +impossible. I got rid of Mabel, spent five shillings for my dinner, +where I used to spend twenty, went to live with my mother, put down +my horses and carriage, and discharged my man and grooms. But as I +diminished my amusements and extravagances generally, so I seemed more +and more to need women. My cock stood all day, and half the night. +Women I had by dozens. I tried to reduce their fees, and did to a +little extent, but for some years I had been accustomed to a liberal +expenditure in that article and though to a country girl I could give +five shillings, to a Londoner I could only give gold, and never refused +more if they pleased me, and were not satisfied. + +Fred then went abroad to his regiment. He made arrangements for Laura to +have a small income, not a tenth of what she had had, but enough to keep +her in a quiet way. I at first was to pay it to her. She was to have it +as long as she remained steady, and he hoped she would go home, hoped +she would keep steady till his return,--his return which was not +probable in less than seven years at the least. + +One night when together, we laughed at the absurdity of expecting it. +"Walter, is it probable that a fine woman like that will be content +with frigging herself?" "No." "She will be fucked,--I would if I were +she,--it's a shame to wish her to go without fucking. If I were married +to her, she would go with me, but a man can't take a mistress to India, +he could not live with her, and all the regiment would be smelling at +her tail,--she will be fucked, and I can't help it." Tears stood in his +eyes. "You give her a grind old boy, if she must have it, I'd rather you +did it than any one, and it will keep her quiet. You have had her,--do +you recollect that night?--oh! God, what a spree! I never had such a +spree before in my life, and never shall again." I said I would take +care of her as if a sister, as to having her, he might dismiss such an +idea from his head, and I meant what I said. He went abroad, and was +killed in battle. I loved him. + +Laura went into humbler lodgings, I saw her often, but never made the +slightest advances. Soon she could not make her money do. Her mother +came up to stay with her, and she had then partly two to keep. She +dressed plainer, sold or pawned her best things, told me all, and how +it was impossible to make the money do. Then I made her a present, she +kissed me, and that set my blood boiling. Her mother wanted her to go +back to the country, I advised it also; it was agreed she should, and +her mother went back. A day or two afterwards I called on her, she got +me a chop for dinner, and sent for wine. We talked about Fred, she cried +about him, I kissed her to comfort her, she kissed me again as we sat on +the sofa, my arm went round her, I pulled her hand on to my shoulders; +and that spree at Lord A... 's came into my head. + +"You miss a bed-fellow Laura, don't you?" "Oh! no, but I miss poor Fred, +he was so kind." "Do you recollect that night?" "Don't mention it, I am +ashamed of it,--oh! don't look at my boots, they are so shabby now." I +had began at the ankles, as I always did, it was on the road. "You are +not so stout as you were my dear." "There is not any difference in me." +I pinched her thighs outside her clothes. "Ah! I'm no thinner there I'm +sure." "Let me feel." "Oh! now don't,--it's a shame." "My darling, you +are as smooth and plump as ever,--I know the feel of those beautiful +thighs, I've laid on them." Soon my hand was between them, my finger +on the clitoris. "Poor Fred," said she still crying, her head on my +shoulder. In another instant her hand was round my prick, her thighs +open, my hand restless, and roving all about her cunt. "Lay down." +"I won't." "It won't hurt him poor fellow, he is far away." For a few +minutes we coaxed and fondled, kissed and cried, saying it was not +fair, and we never would. Then cock and cunt getting hotter and more +sensitive, I pushed her flat on the sofa, and we fucked ecstatically. +Rising she sat looking at me, her clothes half-way up her thighs, I +looking at her with my wet prick hanging its head. Then we hugged, +kissed, and did it again. + +"It was to be," said she (as if poking her was fate). "Quite true dear, +but let's go to the bed, the sin is no greater if we do it ever so many +times." Into bed we got, and there I think we laid for sixteen hours. +Laura was a lovely bed-fellow. I had a good look at the hair on her +cunt, it was very long, curled round, and completely hid her cunt, even +when standing with her legs slightly open; and when she pissed, she left +drops of piddle on the hair. On her that bush was handsome, but very +long hair is not generally handsome on a cunt, and I have disliked, it +on others; but it is not often found. I am describing here what I saw +more coolly, and often on future occasions rather than what I saw and +recollect of her cunt, on that night of exhausting pleasure. + +I had now but little money to spare, but gave her a little from time +to time, and a great deal of bum-basting. One day she said, "I'm in +misfortune again." She was in the family way, had been so before by +Fred, but had managed a miscarriage. She now got one, but was seriously +ill, and sent for her mother, and when she got better she went home. I +sent Fred's money to her there for some time, then she wrote me to send +it to a post-office, and afterwards to send no more, at she was going +to be married. She hoped I would never tell Fred, that I would burn her +letters, and if I ever saw her, would not notice her. I never saw her +again. She wrote to Fred about her marriage, and he was delighted at it, +as well as at saving his money. I have finished her history, so far as +it was connected with me; and must now take up my narrative at a time +before this. + +Friends were going to Paris, I went with them, and a jolly loose time we +had for a few weeks. I made acquaintance with six or eight of the best +baudy houses, and had women galore. Theatres, excursions, high-feasting, +unlimited whoring were the characteristics of my trip. I returned empty +in pocket, and knocked up with copulating, yet had had none of the +excitants, with women that I have had there since. I rushed at cunt +directly I saw it; my physical enjoyment was so intense, that I could +not dally with my prick, but let it satisfy itself as soon as it liked. +The varieties that Camille had given me left no taste for them. Cunt, +belly, and thighs, seen, felt, and fucked in regular fashion, was my +delight. Heaps of bills met me on my return. The thought of becoming +bankrupt horrified me. I disposed of my remaining property, paid all, +and was left with a few hundred pounds. I pass now over a short time of +which there is nothing to be said, but that I was economical in all but +women. + +My remaining guardian and my mother had been always at me with advice, +which I entirely disregarded, and flung away money in all directions. +Had I only spent it on women it would have lasted years longer. That +which women had I do not regret, they have been the greatest joy of my +life, and are so to every true man, from infancy to old age. Copulation +is the highest pleasure, both to the body and mind, and is worth all +other human pleasures put together. A woman sleeping or waking is a +paradise to a man, if he be happy with her, and he cannot spend his +money on anything better, or so good. + +Soon after, almost dependent again on my mother, who did nothing but +upbraid me, my hopes centered in my old relative, who had promised to +make me his heir. He was not so gracious to me as he used to be; he +murmured at my extravagance, and supposed that any money I had would go +down the same sink, by which he meant women. He died suddenly, just as +he was in greatest wrath with me, and left me nothing. + +All hopes were dashed to the ground. Laura was my consolation till she +left. For a year of my life I was needy and discontented, but not so +miserable as I was fated to be. I pass over that period, there was not +much in the amatory line to tell of. Fucking is a commonplace thing, +the prince and the beggar do it the same way, it is only the incidents +connected with it that are exciting. Voluptuous, reckless, youth and +beauty together, make the vulgar shoving, arse-wagging business poetical +for the time, but it is animalism. + +Then I committed a more fatal error than spending a fortune in jollity; +what it was will be guessed, it is only referred to here to connect my +history. I was then in my twenty-sixth year. + +I add a few observations which on reading this written many years ago, +seems now needful to explain even to myself. + +Most of my relatives lived in the provinces, and were wealthy. We +visited each other periodically, but distance (there were few railways +then) prevented them from entering into my daily life, still less my +secret life. Fred's mother was nearest to us, and as the episodes +show, she and her family were most mixed up with my affairs. An aunt in +London, childless and rich, gave me most money, and afterwards left me +a good sum. I cared but little about those living at a distance. With +a cousin from the North I had some rousing debauches, which were at the +time known to many of my family. He is still alive, but pious, and with +a large family, and would not like to know I am writing this. Jolly old +Ben, I won't narrate our sprees, for you may live to read this,--who +knows? + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + + Married, and miserable.--Virtuous intentions.-- + Consequences.--Mary Davis.--A virtuous child.--Low class + fucksters.--A concupiscent landlady.--Reflexions on my + career.--On the sizes of pricks.--My misconception. + +My life was now utterly changed; married. I was quite needy, with a +yearly income (and that not my own) not more than I used to spend in a +month, sometimes in a fortnight. Every shilling I had to look at, walked +miles where I used to ride, and to save a six pence, amusements were +beyond me, my food was the simplest, wine I scarcely tasted, all habits +of luxury were gone, but worse than all I was utterly wretched. I tried +to make the best of my life and could when by myself be cheerful, even +in the recollection of the past fun; but there was that about me now +which brought sorrow over to me. The instant I saw her, she checked my +smile, sneered at my past, moaned over my future, was a nightmare to me, +a very spectre. + +I tried to like, to love her. It was impossible. Hateful in day, she was +loathsome to me in bed. Long I strove to do my duty, and be faithful, +yet to such a pitch did my disgust at length go, that laying by her +side, I had wet dreams nightly, sooner than relieve myself in her. I +have frigged myself in the streets before entering my house, sooner than +fuck her. I loving women, and naturally kind and affectionate to them, +ready to be kind and loving to her, was driven to avoid her as I would a +corpse. I have followed a woman for miles with my prick stiff, yet went +to my wretched home pure, because I had vowed to be chaste. My heart +was burning to have an affectionate kiss, a voluptuous sight from +some woman, yet I avoided obtaining it. My health began to give way, +sleepless nights, weary days made me contemplate suicide. It seemed as +if I never could have happiness again, yet my physical forces, or +so much of them as lay in my generative organs, seemed unimpaired. I +neither drank nor debauched, and my prick stood incessantly; neither +random frigs nor night-dreams stopped it. + +My only relief from misery was in thinking over the pleasures I had had, +yet all seemed such a long time past, that it was like a dream. Then +a desire to have other women became invincible. I had no means to get +those I had been accustomed to, and seemed to have no idea of going +economically to work for my pleasures, but at length began to walk +through streets inhabited by very poor gay women, in a neighbourhood I +had known in my early youth. Then I found out other poor quarters, +and one night with but a few shillings in my pocket, after thinking of +throwing myself into a canal, I found myself at a spot where women of +a somewhat better class lived in its centre, and on its outskirts very +poor harlots. + +"I will,--have I the money?--can't help it,--if one won't another +will," and I slunk into a street, half ashamed of entering it. Saw girls +standing at doors, never paused for selection, nor to see if one looked +nicer than another, it was cunt I wanted. The moment I turned the corner +of the street, I cared not who or what, as long as she had a petticoat +and what it hid from sight. I took the nearest. + +"Will you let me have you for five shillings?" was all I uttered. I +recollect it as well as possible, hanging my head, ashamed of my offer, +and not looking at the girl, ashamed of being seen in the neighbourhood. + +"All right," said she turning round. I followed her through the little +narrow passage of a four-roomed house into a little room with a bed +on one side of it. I looked at her, and she at me for an instant only. +"Here are the five shillings," said I. "Shall I undress?" "No." "Shall +we get on the bed?" "No, at the side,"--and whilst speaking I had half +lifted her on to it. Laughing with a peculiar chuckle she fell back, +pulling up her clothes. I saw plump thighs, dark hair, felt giddy, could +not see, recollect opening the lips, and began to spend as the tip of my +prick touched her cunt. Following the spunk as it shot up the passage as +it opened its way, with one thrust I was up her, and had finished. +Fifty times in my life up to the time I pen this, has a similar rapid +ejaculation occurred to me when randy. + +"Didn't you want it!" said she. They were the first words I recollect +being uttered as I bent over her. How divine she seemed. "Let me do +it again." "Oh! you ought to give me a little more." "I'll give you a +shilling, it's all I have I fear; but more if I have it." "Very well +then," said a soft voice. Oh! what a heavenly few minutes they seemed +to me,--they still seem to me,--as I fucked her again. First and second +fuck must have been all over in five minutes. I had not un-cunted. + +"Pull it out," said she after an interval, my cock still keeping in her; +but I kept close to her, and up her. "Be still dear, do pray,--I'll see +what money I have." My hat and my great-coat were on, it was cold, I had +only unbuttoned my trowsers enough to get out my prick. Keeping still up +her, I thrust my hand into my trowsers pocket, pulled out all the money +I had, and put it on the bed beside her. "See, it is all I have, every +farthing, a little more than I said,--let me do it again,--there is more +than seven shillings,"--and pressing well on to her haunches, I began +wriggling my prick. + +She turned her head, looked at the money, but did not touch it. "Very +well," said she in a low voice, "but take it out,--don't make my chemise +in a mess, I have not another clean,--don't make a mess on the bed if +you can help it." "I shan't." "Yes you will, you have spent such a lot, +it's running out now." + +I withdrew. She took a towel which was close at hand, wiped her cunt and +spread another for her bum. I threw off hat and coat. Soon now we were +both on the bed, I up her, and leaning on my elbow for the first time +really looked at her. Up to that moment cunt, cunt, nothing but cunt +was in my mind. Now I saw that her eyes were blueish, her hair dark and +wavy, I recollect our staring in each other's faces for a minute or two +without speaking. A candle on a little table close to the bed showed a +strong light on us sideways; then we both fucked with vigor, and Mary +Davis spent with me,--she spent with me, that poor little gay woman. + +"You are a nice poke," said the girl. I got off the bed, sat on a chair +by the fire, and looked at the merry face of the little gay woman as she +smiled at me whilst washing her quim. The pleasure I had just had, +the entrancement of the carnal pleasure contrasted so strongly with my +misery at home, that I burst into tears, and sobbed like a child. She +rubbed her quim dry, then silently came up to me, put her hand on my +shoulder, and stood without uttering a word till my passion was over. +"Are you unhappy?" said she in a gentle tone. Yes I was. "Never mind, I +dare say it will be over some day--we have all got unhappiness." + +Her kind voice and manner--she a gay woman who owed me no kindness--so +contrasted with the coldness elsewhere, that it made me worse and again +I sat sobbing, and taking no notice of her; she still standing with her +hand on my shoulder. + +"Have something to drink," said she. "Yes,"--but recollecting myself, +"No, I have no money, I have given you every farthing I have." "Never +mind,--do you like gin?--I do." "Yes." She called out to the landlady, +"Fetch me a shilling's worth of gin, and mind you don't take any,--mind +a shilling's worth fills this bottle to here (giving the landlady a +large medicine bottle), don't take any, and I will give you a little. +I'll pay for the gin," said she turning to me. + +I sat looking at the fire. "You have not washed yourself," said she. +"No, are you unwell?" "No, I think I am all right, but we can't always +say you know, and it's best to wash after us,"--and I washed. + +I took hot gin and water, and got cheered, even began to smile when she +said, "You are a gentleman, ain't you?" "Yes I think so." "I am sure you +are by your manner, but you are poor I suppose." I told her the entire +truth, my heart was so full, I told this strange gay woman all my +trouble, all my misery, wanted more gin and water, and having in my +pocket a gold pencil-case, a gift of an aunt's, "Get some more gin," +said I, "take this and pawn it, for I have no money." She would not. "I +am sure, if you say you will bring me the money, that you will. I will +pay for more gin." + +So sitting, talking, and drinking gin and water, she sitting opposite to +me listening whilst I told my troubles, and my burst of troubles over, +relieved by my confidences, I became aware that she was plump, fleshy, +good-looking, and had a mild sympathetic eye. Up to that time cunt alone +had fascinated me, now I thought of the woman, and a liking for her +because she seemed kind stole over me; desire to have her, caress her, +spend in her on that account, rather than a desire for her cunt alone, +thrilled through me as I looked at her sitting half facing me by the +fire; her clothes slightly raised, that the warmth might reach her +limbs, one elbow on her knee, the hand supporting her face turned +towards me full of interest. And so an hour or more ran away. + +"I want you again so, but I have no more money." "Never mind, you may +have me,--shall I undress?" "Oh! do,--do,--how round and plump you +are,--but I have no more money." "Never mind,--give me more when you see +me again. Come into the bed,--see the sheets are quite clean,--no one +has slept in them, I take the clean ones off every night, and put on +others before I go to bed,--stop with me all night." We both undressed, +and jumped into bed together. I was frantic with pleasure as I cuddled +up to her plump warm body, and felt her from her neck to her knees; +rolled over her, and kissed her, till I settled down between her thighs; +and then Mary Davis and I fucked, and laid still, and then fucked again, +and so on, till I could do it no longer. + +It was three in the morning. "Stop all night," said she, "I will give +you a nice breakfast in the morning." I would not, had a strong desire +to keep up appearances of propriety and happiness at home, if I had not +the reality; so with a sigh rose, and dressed, borrowed a shilling of +her, and went out into the street. Silent and dirty it was, and raining +hard as I walked home to my miserable bed. + +At dusk next day with impatience I went off to Mary Davis', gave her +what I had promised, and money for that evening besides, and when I had +had her, we sat down and talked again. + +She was a short woman about nineteen years old, plump without fat, but +as nicely covered as any woman I ever saw; had a big bum, large thighs, +plenty of room between them, and dark hair on her cunt which had +strongly developed lips, it was large outside in proportion to her size. +She had a soft, kind face, beautiful grey eyes, nearly black hair which +draped naturally, and was altogether as nice a little woman as one could +have wanted. I have wondered often how she could have settled down in +a neighbourhood of coster-mongers, and taken five shillings for her +person, when she might as well have been a two-sovereign woman, had she +tried elsewhere. I put her up to trying at a future day, but she never +would. + +Her room was about twelve feet square. A large bed took up one third +of it, a table next the only window, two chairs (one easy), little +cupboards in the recesses by the fire-place, on which stood china and +glasses, a small wash-hand stand, a chest of drawers, with slop-pail, +coal-scuttle, and looking-glass completed the furniture. All was +scrupulously clean, the bed-linen white. + +Having broken my virtuous resolution, I never regained it, and for a +week fucked Mary from six in the evening till two the next morning. My +week's amusement cost me about two pounds, but then that modest sum +was too much for my pocket, so I left off for a while, and gave Mary a +chance of keeping her other friends. They were mostly poor clerks, she +told me, and married men better off, who gave her a pound, or at times +paid her rent if in arrear. She paid I think but twenty-five shillings a +week for her board and lodging together. My too exclusive attentions for +a week had prevented her regulars from coming. There was lots of cheaper +cunt in the neighbourhood so to send them away with full balls was +dangerous. + +The house was kept by an old man and woman, he a carpenter almost too +old, yet who went to daily work. He used to fetch gin and beer for us. +There was no lodger in the house. They were a decent couple, and after a +time I used to talk to the old woman, and when Mary once went away ill, +she got me a beautifully shaped girl, I had offered her money to get me +a girl of about fourteen years of age, a virgin. The streets about there +swarmed with girls and boys who played about at night, I could hear +their smutty language as they ran after each other yelling, laughing +and quarrelling. She tried, but never could; she was not a woman who +undertook that sort of thing, but the money tempted her. "There are lots +of girls about," said she, "their mothers don't care what they do, but +you want a virgin,--Lor! where's she to be found?--when they's about +thirteen or fourteen years old they won't be kept in, they is about the +dark streets at night, and Lor! if you heard what I have in the streets +where the costers' barrows is, of a night!" And so the old woman +intimated that all the young girls of that select neighbourhood, were +got into by the coster boys, and that a virginity was a rarety at +fourteen years old. I afterwards groped several young girls in those +dark streets, and there was certainly no obstacle to my fingers +searching their cunts. + +"I thinks I knows a steady little gal, whose mother's just died, her +father ain't no good, and you and Mary must ask her in; I can't have +nothin to do with it except gettin her here." One day afterwards she +told me she had asked the girl to tea, and that she was as curious as +could be to know all about it (meaning fucking). "She knows as much as +we do," said the old woman with a chuckle. "Was far as talking goes and +she would like to know as much as them as does it as well, but she is +timid; there is three of them, she is the eldest, the father leaves her +in charge, you shall see her." Mary Davis had gone home ill. The girl +was brought in, I sent out for gin, a nice little girl she was, and she +drank some of it. The old woman then left with a wink. The girl took my +kisses very well, never said a word, so getting on by degrees I talked +to her about naked people, and getting children, felt her ankles and +legs, then told her I would give her a shilling if she would feel my +cock. She did not say a word, but stood still, my arm round her waist, +whilst I pulled out my stiff prick. Then she bent forward curiously, +whilst I put her little hand round it, and guiding it, pulled the +foreskin down from the tip. Then I put my hand up her clothes, and felt +her thighs and bum; but on bringing my hand to the cunt, she broke away +in tears saying, "Oh! no sir,--I would rather not sir,--I'm much obliged +to you sir for showing it me, and the shilling; but I would rather not +sir,--oh! let me go, let me go,--Mrs. Smith,--Mrs. Smith." The old woman +was listening, and came in instantly. "Oh! what are you doing to +her?" said she in a whining tone, "what is the matter my dear?--don't +cry,--oh! you should not sir,"--and winking at me, away she went with +the girl; then came back, said the girl was scared, and she feared it +was no go. "But if you heared her talk, you would think she would let +any man do anything with her." + +Half-an-hour afterwards the girl had composed herself, and came back. +I had more gin, the old woman again left us, the girl had another +shilling, and again she felt me. I began talking to her about the +parsley-bed out of which children come, and generally on the subject of +generation and its working tools. "Now dear don't be alarmed (she seemed +as timid as a hare), you know what a cunt is?" "Yes," said she, "it's +a nasty word,--poor mother told father he was a beast cause he said it +when drunk." "Well my dear, something comes out of a man if he puts this +up a cunt, and that gets children,--lay hold of my prick, and you will +see,"--and guiding her little hand I frigged myself with it. But she +cried out when I attempted to feel her cunt, and I never had her. The +old woman said she was frightened to bring her again, that she and Mary +Davis might manage it together, and when Davis came back I wished her +to try, but she refused to have anything to do with it. The lech passed +away, for it was but a whim. At that time I liked large well-haired +cunts. + +I am anticipating, for this took place nearly two years after I first +had Mary Davis. That girl got fond of me, and I liked her. I got a +little better off, and used to give her more money; but she always took +what I gave her contentedly. The only thing I can remember out of the +common course of lecherous events in such acquaintances, is that I took +one for spending over her, used to fuck up to spending-point, then pull +out my prick, and frigging it, emit my semen on to her belly, breasts, +or thighs; then I began fucking again, almost directly I had discharged +and looking at my spunk lying on her flesh. When my pleasure came on +again, I would put her hand on to my spunk; and directly her fingers +touched it, it fetched me, and she as well, although she always said it +was a dirty trick. But I only did this a few times. I began also to use +French letters, for reasons she advised me to do so. + +The neighbouring streets were full of poor gay women. She heard that I +had been seen going into a house in the neighbourhood, and cried about +it. Her health got bad, her womb began to fall, and the doctor said she +was not strong enough for a gay life. She told me she was the daughter +of an under game-keeper, that a young tradesman kept company with her, +she liked him, and he said he meant to marry her. Bringing her home one +evening when she had got out on the sly, they felt each other's privates +on the road. Very soon after she and one of her sisters were allowed +to go to some village-dance. Her sister walked off with her sweetheart; +Mary's young man took her to some cottage, did it to her twice, and then +walked home with her. She did not know whose fault it was; his or hers, +for from the night they had felt each other, she thought of nothing else +till she had his prick up her. Her father found it out, she ran away to +London, became gay, and had never lived in any other house but the one +I visited her in. "Whenever I saw him after he had felt me" (her lover) +she would say, "I felt in a flurry all over, and could think of nothing +else, I longed to feel his hand on my thing again,--she soon did." + +She went home ill, came back, her womb got worse, she went to a +hospital, got thin and fretted, again went home, and I never heard more +of her. I had great pleasure in her society, it was my greatest solace +to tell her all my misery, for she was a complacent kind creature. It +was wonderful to see how clean everything was in that little square +room, yet with the exception of the fire-place, she cleaned everything +herself. At about two o'clock in the day she was dressed, and standing +at the door, to catch passers by. She never spoke to them unless they +spoke to her. She was to me at first a novel experience but I soon had +plenty of experience of the poor class of women in adjacent streets. + +I found it not wise to go into the streets well dressed, so put on old +things, drew my hat over my eyes, assumed a slouching gait, and walked +along slowly, talking to the women till I found one I liked. Their +salutation usually was, "Come here dear,--come and see what I have got +to show you." "What?" "Such a nice cunt,--such a lot of hair." "Such a +fat arse," would say another. "How much will you let me for?" "What you +like,--come in." "I have not much money,--let me look at your cunt for +a shilling." "Come in then." Another would say, "Make it two, and I'll +strip." Many a cunt I have seen for a shilling. If I did not like it, I +went further on, or into the next street. + +The street-doors were usually open, the women when dressed lolling just +inside them, with head out, but dropping back if they saw a likely man, +and addressing him as he passed in loud or low tones, according to their +cheek. If a woman I had had and expected to see was not visible, my way +was to step inside the passage, and listen at the door; if through the +key-hole I saw a light, or heard voices, there was business on. If in +the evening the outside shutters of the room were closed, I knew the +woman was engaged for a long time, perhaps her own man, a cab-man, a +costermonger, or some man of similar class was with her, if late. The +women there though about the same price, or cheaper, had quite different +manners from the Waterlow road ones. There were rarely more than one +woman in a house, and always on the ground floor, the landlord or lady +living in the back room, or upstairs. The rooms were mostly let to +working people, who seemed quiet enough. + +Lots of children were about, who played in the streets at day, but +disappeared if quite young towards dusk. If a man stopped and talked +to a gay woman at the door, the children of the house usually went in, +always did if more than about ten years old. They drew back as if they +knew that a bargain for fucking was to be struck, and I believe knew +all about it. They were mostly girls who sleeping in the same room with +their parents, I dare say had seen the game of mother and father played +often enough. The bigger girls frisked about the streets of an evening +with boys of the same age, or not much older. + +If a woman could get you to enter the passage, she almost pulled you +into her room. "Come in,--don't stand there,--come out of the way of +the lodgers,--I'll tell you if you come in,--well make it +half-a-crown,--I've got such a nice cunt,--such a fat arse,--feel my +bubbies,--look here,--come in, and let me feel your prick." + +This was all said rapidly, and according to the inducements the woman +had to offer. It generally ended in my going in, and the bargain was +completed inside. "I'll frig you,--do anything you like,--look here +(showing rapidly her breasts, and covering them up again),--here is a +big pair of legs (pulling her clothes up),--yes you may fuck me how +you like,--oh I yes I want to piss bad." I have heard this hundreds of +times. Once inside I never came out without paying something. The women +always said or did just enough to wet my appetite for knowing or seeing +a little more, so I paid, and often enough was disappointed, and left; +but saw a lot. + +In these streets about seven in number, during a period of two or three +years, I had many women, even whilst I visited Mary Davis. I dare say +fifty women I fucked, and felt as many more before I ceased going to +the neighbourhood. Two or three of the adventures there are alone worth +writing. At one house I was robbed of a pin whilst actually fucking the +woman. + +A tall broad-built woman of about thirty, was loll-at a door one night. +I do not recollect having seen her before, for I knew many women by +sight, even though I had not had them. She looked like a coster's wife. +I should have passed on, but for the lewd way in which her eyes met +mine. I stopped, she instantly looked rapidly up and down the street, +went back inside the door-way saying very loudly, "You want my lodger, +but she has left here," but as she said this, she stepped inside the +front room, and beckoned me in both with hand and head, her eyes wide +open, and looking anxious. Slowly I followed in. She was so big that I +thought I should like a feel, and if I liked that would pay more, and +have more. "I'll give you a shilling to feel your cunt." "Very well," +said she standing still, and not attempting to lift her clothes slightly +as most of the women used to do. I got my hand on her thighs, she pushed +it away, retreated towards the bed and sat on it. I took out a shilling, +and as usual put it on the mantel-piece. "There is the money,--let me +now." She no longer resisted, I felt her, and she opened her legs to +facilitate my groping. She put her hand on my shoulder. "Is your cock +standing?" said she in a whisper. "Yes feel it," said I unbuttoning. She +grabbed at it as if she meant to pull it off. + +Her manners struck me as uncommon, and I began to feel uncomfortable; +but under the squeezing of my cock, and the feeling of her cunt the +usual desire to leave one's sperm up her came over me. "Let me fuck +you,--I'll give you two shillings more." Without reply she fell back +on the bed, I began to throw up her clothes. "Oh! no I can't let you +do that." I had when with strange women just then been using French +letters, and the fear of infection came over me when she would not +submit herself to my inspection. "You have got something the matter with +you, and I shan't, I said. + +"Nothing of the sort," said she angrily, "I'm not gay,--I'm the +landlady,--I am married, and have three children,--they are abed in the +next room,--you may see them if you like. My lodger's gone,--you've been +here afore to see her,--I've seen you afore,--but I'm not gay, and can't +have anything the matter with me,--it's impossible." All this nearly +in a whisper. Astonished I laughed. "Don't make a noise," said she, +"I don't want the lodgers to know I am in this room, they know it's +empty,--come on," and grasping my prick again, she surrendering herself +more freely to my investigations. + +"Where is your husband?" "Away on a job in the country; I haven't seen +him for three months, and have not been touched for that time, so help +me God; you may do it without fear,--there then look, if you must," +said she, letting me throw up her clothes, and look well at her cunt, +which I opened. "I'm a quiet woman." Then she turned round, twisting +herself so that she could get hold of my cock as I stood pulling her +about. "Come on my dear." The next minute I was spending up her. + +"Go on, you were so quick,--go on," said she in spasmodic utterances, +jerking her bum, clutching me to her, and using the same endearments +as any other woman,--women are all the same, from the princess to the +peasant. I had spent quickly, but shoved on as well as I could, and in a +second or two with a sigh, her cunt relaxed. + +I moved out of her quickly, for fear of the ladies' fever haunted me +a little. She lay with her clothes up to her navel, till I had washed +myself. "There is no towel or soap," I said. Then she moved. "I'll get +you some,--but don't afear me,--hush!--don't make a noise,--wait five +minutes for me, lock the door, and put out the light." I stood aghast at +this request; it was in a low neighbourhood, costermongers, tramps, and +even a nest of thieves I had heard was not far off. "What the devil does +she mean?--what game is up?" came across my mind. "I won't put out the +light," I said. "Well hide it in the cupboard, lock the door, and if any +one knocks don't answer,--perhaps my late lodger's friends may come, not +knowing she has gone,--I don't want any one to know any one is in the +room." This was all said in a whisper; she went out, shut the door +gently, and walked to the back of the house, leaving her three +shillings. I heard her footsteps, and faintly afterwards the sounds of +talking in the back room,--the partitions in the poor houses were thin. + +I dried my tool with my shirt and sat on the bed, looking round at the +poor room, wondering what dodge was up. She did not return, and thinking +over the incidents, came to the conclusion that she was not a gay woman. +There was just that difference in manners, in getting on to the bed, +in taking her pleasures, and in her whole behaviour about the fucking, +which there always is between a woman however loose she may be, but who +does not fuck professionally, and the regular trader in her charms. I +saw it then, and I see it still clearer writing about it now. + +Nevertheless I began to think of leaving, feeling uneasy as she did not +return for more than ten minutes. With my hat on, I was just about to +run off, after hearing a man's footsteps pass along the passage, when I +heard a voice cry up the stairs, "Mrs. Brown, Mrs. Brown, I'm going out +to get a mouthful of fresh air,--if the children cry, will you see to +them?" A shrill voice replied, a female step passed my door, into the +street. A second afterwards the door slowly opened (I had unlocked it as +I heard what I supposed were her footsteps going along the passage). In +she came, holding up her finger for silence, then quietly closing and +locking the door, she stood smiling at me. "Don't make a noise, they +think I am out," she said. + +I looked fully at her now, my lust satisfied. She was a big woman of say +thirty years of age, coarse, common, but clean; she had a dress on which +opened in front like that of a woman who suckles, and some sort of cap +on her head. I did not know what to make of it, for she stood as if +waiting for me to speak. I did not, and taking the candle, she put it +down on the floor by the side of the drawers, or something of the sort, +and remarked, "They won't see the light through the crack of the door +now." Again a man's heavy footstep was heard. "That's my upstairs +lodger," said she when she noticed my listening. + +"You are really not gay?" said I. Then she repeated what she had said +before, and sat on the side of the bed by me. "You have big breasts," I +remarked. "Yes I was a fine woman, every one said before I married." It +is impossible to be near a woman without wishing to ascertain her hidden +charms. In the hurried embrace with her I had thought of nothing but +cunt. At that time of my life, to see a woman, to long for her, to make +my bargain, and to fuck her, was often an affair of not much more than +ten minutes; it was only after the fuck that I looked well at the female +I had pieced. + +"Let me feel them," I said. She hesitated, but I undid the dress, and +felt two breasts large and white, and pulled one out. "My nipple is +spoilt with suckling," said she, "I've not yet done giving milk." "Let's +have you again." "Yes,"--and she got on to the bed. "Let me see your +cunt." "Oh! no,--don't,--I won't." My suspicion came back; with my prick +out I still hesitated. "I've not washed myself since you did me," said +she. "Well wash your cunt." She took my basin, and washed herself. Then +I had a look at her cunt, and again fucked her. Lord how she enjoyed it, +and so did I, that big coarse woman; but she would not let me look long +at her belly, perhaps marked through child-birth. She had thickish, +lightish brown hair on her quim; it was a cock-squeezer too, and how wet +it got in our copulation. I remarked it to her. She said, "I'm wet, and +no mistake." + +I lay on her afterwards, my prick dangling against her cunt, and talked. +Her husband was an artizan away on a job, she kept the house, and let +lodgings; her husband was half his time away. "You've seen the girl who +was in this room,--I recollect you,--I've seen you in the street more +than once,--You've been with the woman opposite. I didn't mean anything +till you spoke and stopped, but I'd been dying for it, been wishing +almost I were gay; the gal opposite had just gone in with a man, and I +was wondering what my husband was doing, and just then you stopped and +looked, and I thought I'd let you. Do it again," said she slipping her +hand between our bellies, and grasping my bal-locks. And I did it again, +as soon as I could. + +"I've never had another man but you and my own man I'll swear,--ask in +the street, they will all say I'm respectable,--but don't tell on me. I +frig myself almost every day, if you must know, but that don't satisfy +me, a woman who's had three children,--if I'm in the family way now, I'm +in a mess, but I'm not so much to blame, am I?--think, three months away +from your own man I--but I tell you as you spoke to me I was a dying for +it,--the girl who was here in this room used to say, 'Well Mrs. ------ +you are a fool to pass your life almost without a you know what.' Well +I was a dying for it, and she and lodgers would always tell me what the +men did to them; and yet I never have had but you." So we lay talking +for a time, she answering my questions, and sometimes volunteering +remarks; but never leaving go of my prick, and every now and then +saying, "Ain't you a fine man!--you just are a fine young man!" + +There were noises at the street-door, men were talking, a smell of +tobacco reached us. "It's the upstairs back," said she, "he will +stop there till he have smoked two pipes, so for God's sake don't +leave,"--and she sunk her voice lower. "Oh! I must put out the light." +Saying so, off the bed she got, blew it out, and got on to the bed +again. There we lay quite another hour, speaking in whispers, feeling +each other's privates, never washing, the spunk drying up as our hands +fumbled about each other, I talking baudy, and telling her what +gay women would do, she telling me she knew all about it, for her +ground-floor lodgers were always gay. I asking questions about herself, +heard that my cock was about the same size as her husband's. Wondering +at the tightness of her cunt, as she had had three children, she said +that the size was the same as before she had had a man. If she got in +the family way she would be in a mess; she did not think she should, +as she had not quite done suckling. She did not know how she managed to +keep so firm and plump, for she had meat only twice a week. "What then?" +"Potatoes and herrings,"--did not know what she would do, if she did not +get another lodger soon to pay the rent,--she often could not pay for a +meal. + +About two o'clock in the morning there were lumping boots going +upstairs. The lodger had gone to bed. We lighted the candle, I washed +(there was still no towel), and no sooner had I washed than she laid +hold of, and kissed my prick, stooping to do so,--and then we fucked +again. + +We parted, she took my money. "I will keep this," she said, "it will +help me." I said it was for her. She let me quietly out, begging me +never to mention what had taken place between us to any gal in the +street. "Though they won't believe you if you do, for I have a good +character. I've seed you often go in with them." I had fancied no one +ever saw me in that low street, and wondered if any other person had +recognized me there. + +I never had her again. Once or twice I saw her at the street-door, but +so soon as she saw me she rushed in-doors, and I had too many fresh and +younger women at hand to care about her. Here was a case of a woman who +could not restrain herself, owing to the long absence of her legitimate +doodle, and gave way to her uncontrollable passions for that night. That +was the only conclusion I could come to. + +Then soon afterwards I had the clap. Mary cried, and declared she had +not given it me, and I am sure she had not. Then almost for the first +time I began to use cundums, or French letters, as they are called. +I did not like them, but had suffered so much from gonorrhoea, that I +carried them in my purse in readiness. + +My experience with this poor class of women was soon considerable. +Satiated, sick of them, yet I continued to frequent them for the simple +carnal pleasure of coition. There was no sentiment about it, no liking +for the women, for though their manners sometimes amused me, they more +frequently shocked me, and the poverty of some distressed me; but I had +no money for choicer entertainment. My vigor was great, my pleasure in +copulation almost maddening, a cunt was a cunt, and I got my pleasure +and relief up it, whatever its owner might have been. A sensuous +imagination aided me. When once my prick was up a woman she was for the +time more or less invested with charms, and her imperfections forgotten. +I used to shut my eyes, and fancy I was stroking a houri with the finest +limbs and ivory flesh, and could fancy all this up to the moment of +ejaculation, I fancied thighs and cunt which were not those of the woman +who was at that moment doing her best to please me. + +There were occasions when the women when naked revolted me, my prick +refused to stand, and I departed without copulating, but those occasions +with this class of women are not worth noting. I have been subject to +this sudden revolt and prostration, sometimes even when the woman was +most beautiful. Nervousness, fear, some sudden dislike, and even most +ridiculous reasons have caused it. + +I should have mentioned that gradually it had taken hold of my mind +that my prick was a very small one. How this notion first arose I cannot +quite trace, I certainly had it in a degree when a youth, and it became +stronger owing to the remarks of some French women. The men I saw +fucking at Camille's had very large pricks, and no doubt they were +selected on that account for exhibition; but I did not know that then, +and used mentally to compare mine with theirs, and also with those of +some of my former schoolfellows, and to my disadvantage. + +With many harlots of both high and low class I had talked about size; +each told me of men who had big pricks, rarely of those who had small +ones. Experience has since taught me that harlots like talking about big +pricks, for size affects their imagination agreeably. Of ridiculously +small ones they make mention for a laugh, the average sizes pass without +their notice. I used to ask them how mine compared with the big ones +they spoke of, and got at last into my head the erroneous opinion about +my own machine. At times I would produce it with an apologetic remark. +"My prick's not a very big one, is it?"--and was much pleased when the +woman's reply was complimentary. I know now from the inspection of many +men's, that mine compares very favorably with the average, and is larger +than most; but for many years I was of a very different opinion, and at +times was almost ashamed of my prick, so much so that when a woman said +it was as large as most, and many said that. I did not believe them, +still less did I believe them when they said it was a handsome prick; +then I thought they were hum-bugging me. + +Now as I add these few words written years after the foregoing, and +after having seen some dozens of pricks, both languid and erect, I know +what they said was true, and I know that there is a size, a form, a +curve, and a colour in pricks which makes some handsomer than others, +just as undoubtedly there are ugly and handsome cunts. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + + Irish Kate.--Drink, heat, fleas, and French letters.--The + bricklayer afterwards.--I give luck.--The lost breast-pin.-- + The cholera's victim. + +One hot night in summer I slouched along one of the streets, and stopped +in front of a woman who stood lolling against the door-post. I recollect +her and my first sensations perfectly well, her white face, and dark +hair hanging behind her in a net, her low dress, low in front,--showing +a luscious neck and bust as white as her face. Her dress was of a very +light colour, so her neck and face must have been white indeed to look +so white by contrast. The street-door was close to a street-lamp, which +shed a strong light on her face as it was turned upwards, and with +her hand and arms folded behind her she lolled, her back against the +doorpost. She was a full-sized woman, but young, and exactly what +pleased me then; black and white, young and full of flesh. I stopped, +and gazed at her. She fixed her eyes vacantly on me, but neither moved +nor spoke to me. + +There were gay women standing at doors not far off, common men also at +some stood smoking. They understood the habits of the neighbourhood, and +never took any notice when a strange man and woman talked together at +a door. I did not like to speak to a woman if others, or men were near, +and would at times walk about till the coast was clearer. But this girl +struck me with strong lust suddenly. "I'll give you a shilling to feel," +said I. No answer, but she kept staring at me. "Half-acrown then," +thinking my offer too small, and stepping inside the passage to get +out of sight. "Come in," I said. She made no reply, never took her back +quite from the wall; but turning herself round, continued looking at me, +her head slightly moving about as if she did not understand. + +Staggered at this behaviour I was coming out again to leave, but her +lovely look fixed me. "I'll give you five shillings," said I, "to have +you." "Have me," said she, "have me what?" Her voice was thick and +broken. She turned into the passage. "Will you let me have you?" "Come +and fuck," said the husky, thick voice. She passed me, stepped heavily +into the room, staggered to the bed, and then I saw she was drunk. I +had not noticed it before, being absorbed in her fleshy beauty, and the +desire to see her cunt, and all of her, and join my body to hers. + +There was a single candle in the room, fluttering, and needing snuffing, +but no snuffers. I snuffed it with my fingers. The room was in disorder, +the pot full, water in the basin, the bed unmade, the whole place the +picture of disorderly, drunken, harlotry. A nightgown was, lying on the +floor, clean linen on a little table. It looked so miserable, that I +thought I would go away at once, so took out five shillings, and laid +it down. "There is the money," I said, "I shant stop." "Come and fuck," +said she in reply, rolling on to the bed, and pulling up her clothes. +She had but a gown on, nothing else. Thighs and legs as white and fat +as her neck came into sight, and a thicket of hair at the bottom of her +belly as dark as the hair on her head. The sight altered my intention, +I walked to the bed, and placed my hand on her cunt. "Fuck me," she +blurted out in her drunken voice again. I felt wild with voluptuous +delight, as my eyes gloated on the big breasts and thighs to where her +garters and stockings hid the flesh from view. All was dazzling white +except a nearly crispy-haired cunt in the middle of it. The contrast was +exquisite, was absolutely dazzling. + +A strange train of ideas (how oddly they spring up at such times) came +into my head. "You've just had a man," I said, "your cunt's wet,--you've +just been fucked." "He ain't fucked me for three days,--we have been +a drinking gin, we have,--he paid, he hain't fucked me,--you fuck me," +said she making a grab at my prick which was buttoned up yet,--"fuck +me,--you shall fuck me." All this was said in a hoarse, drunken, +incoherent manner, but the "fuck me" with a sudden violent energy, as +if she suddenly felt a stinging desire to have her cunt stretched. +"Fuck,--I'm bloody randy,--where's your prick?" + +I took the light, pulled open her thighs, almost put the candle in +her cunt. She let me do just as I liked repeating, "Fuck me." She was +beautiful, her white firm flesh, her big round thighs, the lovely +globes of her arse would have excited the dead. "Pull off your gown." "I +shant." "You shall." I helped her up into a sitting posture, and +pulled it off in an instant. Then she fell back naked, showing peeps of +black-haired armpits. The next instant I was up her, and injected her. +How beautiful she seemed as I moved my prick up and down in that cunt, +spite of the drunken manner, and the miserable surroundings. + +A most violent letch for her took hold of me. The women in the streets +I have described had fine women among them, but for the most part they +were plain in face, indifferent in form somewhere, and hideously coarse +in manner; but the beauty of this woman was so great, I forgot all +her coarseness. When I came to myself after my pleasures, she was +fast asleep. She had perhaps spent, that and the liquor called gin +overpowered her, and she forgot her business. Then the biting of fleas +worried me for half-an-hour, I spent my time in hunting for them, and +scratching myself, snuffing with my fingers the only tallow candle, and +now and then holding it over her to look at her beautiful face, +naked body, and unwashed cunt. The heat was intolerable. To be cool I +gradually took off all clothing but my shirt, at last took off that, and +then sat at the edge of the bed naked. I pulled open her legs, each lay +just as I placed them, wide apart. I held the candle between her thighs, +and opened her cunt-lips. Masses of thick sperm lay over her cunt, and +hid the entrance of the prick-hole. I played with it as my baudy fancy +dictated, frigged her, dipping my finger in the spunk below, and +then rubbing it on to her clitoris till it was dry, twisted down her +cunt-hair till it was wetter, and played every trick which a lascivious +fancy dictated. Gradually I stiffened under this exciting amusement, and +throwing my naked body on to hers, fucked her again. God only knows if +she knew I was fucking her, or not,--I don't. She awakened after I +had spent, turned on her side, and when I tried to get her on her back +again, she swore. + +Whether the slight dozing had relieved her brain, or whether the fumes +of the liquor had evaporated, I don't know, but she soon became more +conscious, and though stupid, yet more awake. Her voice had still the +thick utterance, her answers still those of a person only partially +understanding what was said to her. I expect I had excited her passions +by my fingers, and not by what I said, for after awaking she again +blurted out, "Fuck me,--I want a fuck." A grab at my prick showed that +she knew where to find the means of giving herself pleasure, and I gave +it her. Then I dozed. + +Knocks at the door aroused me, and a shrill voice cried out, "Kate, +Kate." I listened, "Are you alone?" said the voice. I shook Kate, and +awakened her a little. "Some one is knocking at your door," said I. "Oh! +damn,--arseholes," said she turning on her side, and dozing again. + +"Kate,--knock, knock,--Kate, are you alone?--I'm going to bolt the +door,--they are all in," said the voice. + +Kate made no reply, I was dressing, so opened the door. "I'm here, and +am going directly." "Is she drunk?" said the woman. "I think she +is." "Do you know her?" "No." "Well I will leave the door open." "I'm +going,--wait." There lay Kate dozing. When dressed I said, "I have left +five shillings on the table." "Awake her," said the woman (for I heard +and saw it was one). "You had better." "Kate, Kate", sung out the +woman. I shook Kate, who turned, opened her eyes, and said, "Oh I +damn,--don't." "Come in," said I to the woman. She did, and shook Kate. +"Oh! arse-holes. She's been lushing for three days," said the woman. +"Mind there are five shillings," said I, and disgusted I left, resolving +never to go near the drunken beast again. + +But the woman had made a great impression on me. I was always, even +quite early in life, taken with a crummy woman, quite as much as with +a pretty face; and although so low a woman, I longed for her again, +and before many days sought her. It was on a blazing hot afternoon of a +summer's day, the sun shone brightly on the front of the houses on one +side of the street, the other was in shade. A street with perhaps a +dozen carts and wheel-barrows through it in a day, where children played +in the roadway, and women sat on the footways. I went along slouching on +the shady side, slowly looking, and not quite recollecting the number of +the house, and saw Kate sitting on a chair on the footway by her door. + +She looked up vacantly as I got close to the house, with that look which +a low-class woman has who thinks the man above her, and not likely to +take her. "Come in," I said turning into the open door, and she followed +me, bringing her chair. "I'll give you five shillings," said I. +"All right." "Take off your dress." "All right, but give me the five +shillings first." I gave it her. She began undressing, her gown off left +but her chemise. "You don't want my chemise off?" "No,--lay at the +side of the bed." She laid herself down, threw up her chemise, and +the lovliest pair of thighs, belly, and cunt that ever man saw were +disclosed. To look, to open its lips, and thrust my prick up her were +the work of a minute. I roared as I touched her. I am told by women +that at that time of my life, when thoroughly randy and I saw the cunt +I liked that I gave a low roar as I closed on it with my pego. Kate told +me that I did so this time, when my prick first neared her thighs. I did +not then talk when in a woman's embraces; but fucked in silence. + +I pulled out my prick, "Lay still,--keep your thighs open,--let's see +your cunt," said I trying to keep her in her position. "Oh! arseholes," +said she closing her thighs, and getting up, and looking at me. + +"Did you get your five shillings the other night?" said I, "you were +drunk." "Lor! are you the gent?" said she breaking out in a laugh, "I +didn't know you,--now I see you are like him,--yes I was lushy,--so +you've come agin.--Lor!" and she laughed. "How often did you fuck me?" +I told her. "Sit down, and talk," said she, and we both sat down on her +little cane-bottomed chairs. + +"So you fucked me four or five times,--I don't know if I spent or not, +damned if I do,--think of your lying there, and being bitten by the +fleas,--the room was washed out yesterday, there ain't no fleas now. +So you pulled me about,--what a beast, rubbing your spunk about on my +cunt.--but Lor! a cunt's the proper place for it." After a few minutes +similar conversation she suddenly said, "Let's fuck agin." "Well let's +strip," Off went her chemise without reply. Gloating over her I stripped +naked, and was soon on her, and up her. She had not washed. She enjoyed +it. How we hugged each other's nakedness! The first words she uttered +afterwards were, "You are a bloody fine fucker,--where did you learn to +fuck so well?" giving me a vigorous kiss, and squeezing her cunt up to +me as she said it. + +I washed, and wanting soap (she had none), she went to the door, and +called out for some. The woman brought it. Then there was no towel, +and again standing naked at the half-opened door, she called out to the +landlady to lend her one "I shant," said a voice, "you have now got +two of mine." "Oh! arseholes," bawled out Kate slamming the door, "the +bugger won't let me have one,--here dry your prick with my chemise, it's +quite clean." + +Kate stood naked looking at me as I rubbed myself dry with her chemise, +bending slightly forward, holding her fingers under her cunt. "What a +lot you've spent," said she putting down the basin with my water in it, +and beginning to wash. "That's not clean," I remarked. "Oh! it's all the +same spunk," she replied, and afterwards, "You may look at my cunt if +you like," and she threw herself on the side of the bed, thighs wide +open. She was faultless. I pulled a chair to the side of the bed, and +contemplated her cunt at my leisure. The dirty white blind down in the +window only just mellowed the light, it was as light as day, I could +have hunted crabs, had there been any in her motte-thatch. + +She asked me to give her gin. Some was sent for, then we sat drinking, +she taking it neat, I mixed with water. "Let's fuck," said she again, +and we fucked. More gin, more fucking, she was quicker to want fucking +than I was. It was getting dusk, then she said, "You're going, ain't +you? I want to make a few shillings to-night,--my rent's due to-morrow." +I gave her another five shillings, made her piss in the basin, and we +fucked again. I was fucked out, and at last she spent twice to my once, +our bodies were sticking together with sweat as we fucked. Then for +a few minutes we went to sleep. "You are a gent," said she, "I likes +you,--I hopes you'll come agin, and see me,--I likes a real gent." + +As I went out I saw a man standing on the other side of the road looking +like a bricklayer. Turning back after I had gone a hundred feet or so, +I saw him cross the road, and go into the house. I went back, the +street-door was as it always was, open. Stepping inside I heard a male +voice through Kate's door, a woman came out from the back. "Who do you +want?" said she. "Kate." "Oh! she has got a friend with her,--shall I +knock?" "No," I replied, and went my way. I didn't like the idea of +her having a working-man after me, or before me. I was not then a +philosopher, "But what does it matter?" said I, "a man's a man." + +I saw Kate next day, and told her she had had a man after me. "Yes +directly,--a chap I knows had been awaitin an hour, and he come in in +a hurry. 'I'm done', says I, but he would,--he's a rough un, and he'd +fucked me before you was at the end of the street." "Why you had not +washed your cunt." "No," she laughed, "the bugger went right into +your spendings,--he never knowed, and I had a good un of a cove +after him,--you brought me luck. I've got two new chemises, and four +towels,--let's fuck,--let's fuck," said she laying hold of me, and +unbuttoning my trows-ers. My balls hung over her bum in no time. + +I visited her at intervals for about a year. She had the whitest flesh I +ever saw, and was very beautiful in face; the hair grew exceedingly +low on her forehead, yet it did not disfigure her, from her neck to her +calves her form was perfectly voluptuous, but she had big feet, and her +hands were large. I could not bear to see her feet in great boots, and +when looking at her lovely form used to keep my eyes from them. Her cunt +was perfectly beautiful and small; black, white, and carmine were never +more exquisitely blended. + +She was revoltingly coarse in her talk, and even when sober her voice +was rough. That I did not like, but her language disgusted me. To +anything she did not like she said "arseholes," said it more frequently +than any other word until I stopped her. "Give me some gin," she would +say. "No you have had enough." "Oh! arseholes." Every body also was a +bloody bugger, or a bloody shit. She was lewd on me for a time, and made +me fuck her more than I wanted, but as I checked her foul language she +became indifferent to me. "Oh! I'm obliged to hold my tongue I suppose," +then she would sulk, and then, "Well let's have another fuck," and all +would be right till I stopped her foul tongue again. + +Half her time she was drunk. I would go there, not see her at the door, +then call out to the woman, "Is Kate in?" "Yes she's drunk, I ain't +seen her since the morning." Sometimes her door was locked, nothing then +roused her, and away I went. At other times she was in the bed, or +on it, and all but insensible. Several times I fucked her, put five +shillings in her pocket, and left without her knowing I had had her +until afterwards. + +I had now fits of timidity, and used French letters at times, even when +she was quite sure she was all right. One day when she was very drunk, I +had her with a letter on, and as my cock dwindled out I eased the letter +off it, and with my finger pushed it well up her cunt, and went away +without paying her. I should like to have known what she thought when +she found the French letter up her. I never alluded to it, and she never +did. Why I behaved so I don't know, it is a wonder to myself. That night +I had entered her room, and left unobserved by any one. + +When she was a little drunk only, she got spoony, and I could not get +away from her, she would lay hold of my prick, and keep to it. "I can't +do it again Kate." "Get on me, and I'll make you,"--and she usually did. +Then as liquor overtook her she ceased to wash her cunt after fucking, +would turn on her side, and go to sleep. I left her often snoring with +her cunt full, the money on the table. + +It always was a wonder that she kept such a beautiful skin and look, but +she did; and always was cool, fresh, and healthy-looking, even if she +had been drunk for twenty-four hours previously. Her breath and body +were as sweet as milk, yet she never had a bath as far as I know, but +performed all her ablutions in a little basin, throwing the water into +the street when she had done with it. I have seen her wash from head +to foot that way in a quart of water, and a wet rag, and when done she +looked like ivory. + +She was called Irish Kate, why?--I never knew, nor did she. She was not +Irish. + +I had words with her one day, having lost a diamond pin. She had been +pulling me about that night, but the same night I had been into a house +with two women, and had felt their quims. I offered more than the value +of the pin, but never got it back. After that I did not go near her +again for a long time, but at length so longed for her that I did. She +cried with joy, and kept me fucking till my back.was well nigh broken. + +Then I was for some time out of England. On my return, burning with +desire, I went one night to her house. She had died of cholera, which +was then raging. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + +Costermongers' children.--A small girl, mother, and mangie.--A French +letter fetched.--Young Gallows' exploits.--The customers' linen.--A +hard-fleshed bum.--Invitation to anus.--A strange letch.--One big +with child.--Fucked for a sovereign and pleasure.--A creole.--My +misery.--Reflections. + +Close by Kate's was a street with a carriage way, at one end narrowing +to a footway only. On one side a row of small houses, on the other a +very high blank wall. Costermongers' barrows and carts stood in the +carriage way at night; clothes-lines with ragged garments hung across +the street in the day. One dark night prowling about, cunt-feeling young +girls and baudying generally, I went up this street. I had been up it +before, and loved to hear the boys and girls chivying each other among +the carts, hinting baudiness as they caught the girls, and kissed them, +the girls squealing when liberties were taken with them. Occasionally +standing in the shadow of the carts, I listened whilst a man would +stealthily go up against the blank wall, a woman follow him. I would +stand feeling my prick till I saw them come away (in two or three +minutes usually), and rush into Mary Davis' or Kate's to get a relief +for my excited ballocks. There was but a feeblish light in the street, +and in one part of it none. + +As I passed I saw a small girl standing inside the door of a house, +and thought I would like the little one. Sometimes I wanted the biggest +woman I could get, sometimes the smallest. She took no notice of me, I +repassed, and there she still stood. "Is she gay?" I wondered, "she does +not look it." Lots of girls and women not gay stood in a similar manner +in those streets. Again I passed, and stopped. "Will you let me come in, +and give you a kiss?" "Yes sir," said she stepping back. + +I stepped in after her, one or two steps down. The room was below, and +entered direct from the street. A miserable place; on one side a +mangle, on another a poor dirty bed, a tile floor, dirty walls, wooden +furniture, all miserable. Had I known, I should have been horrified at +entering such a hole, but in my lust I thought of nothing but the young +girl, of the probable hairless cunt, of her little bum, her smallness +and freshness. She looked fifteen years of age, and was quite short. + +She closed the door, and looked. I looked at her. "I'll give you five +shillings." "All right sir." "Let me look at your quim." "All right +sir," said she getting on the bed. I pulled up her clothes, and saw +the little thighs, and the little cunt with a very small quantity of +lightish brown hair on it. How tight it was to my finger! I took the +guttering candle. "I'd like to fuck, but am frightened,--let me look +well at your cunt." "I'm all right," said she putting her fingers down, +and stretching open the lips, "quite clean indeed sir." "When were you +fucked last?" "It must be a week." "Arn't you every night?" "I don't +get the chance," still laying on her back, and stretching her cunt-lips +open, "I only go to the door quite late, when the neighbours have gone +in, cause they ain't gay close here." The house was the last in the +street where it narrowed to a footway. + +I raised her up, laid her lengthways on the bed, and put my pego into +her hand, but fear came over me, and it would not stand. "I must do it +to you, but play with it a little." She laid hold of my prick. "It's not +stiff." "No my dear, frig it." She began. "Do you like feeling a prick?" +"I likes feeling men's things," she replied, "they are such funny +things, first little, then big, then little again." + +"How old are you?" "Over fifteen, mother says." "Where is your mother?" +"In the back room,--look it's getting bigger, I did not think it would +be so big,--don't hurt me with your nail sir please," said she frigging +away clumsily, and when it was stiff leaving off, but looking earnestly +at my pego. I kept probing her cunt with my fingers, wondering at its +smallness. + +A desire came to make her youthful mouth utter baudiness. "Say cunt +dear." "Cunt." "Say fuck." "Fuck." "You know what fucking is?" "Putting +that into this," said she with a chuckle, "ain't you going to do +it?--I'm quite clean." "Let me look again." Again the little hand down, +and stretched the lips. I prepared for action, again fear seized me, and +down my doodle drooped. "No dear, lay still, and I'll frig myself over +you,--turn on your belly,--let me see your bum,--there that will do." I +put some spittle on her bum, and rubbed my prick against it, but longed +for the hole between her thighs. "Have you got a French letter?" "I'll +ask mother," said she going into the adjoining room. + +In came a woman of middle age suckling a baby. "She will fetch one, give +her the money,--make haste now,--never mind your bonnet,--run,--run. She +won't be long," said the woman to me. + +"Your daughter?" I said to the woman who stood suckling her baby, and +staring at me. "Yes sir." The baby took to howling. Swinging it about to +quiet it, she went on in a whining tone, "We are so poor, we are almost +starved, we are,--what was I to do for a living?--I've nearly lost all +since my husband's left me, and can't afford to keep a big gal like +that; if she will go wrong I can't help it, I can't send her out,--I +catched her with a young Gallows, and the mischief were done, it were, I +knowed it, and I knowed it would be, so I did,--I could not keep her in, +and the chap were allus arter her,--she must live, and she's better at +home doing that, than doing it away from me,"--and much of the same sort +in a whining, apologetic tone without stopping, without my asking. + +"Has she been gay long?" "Bless you sir, it ain't more nor two months +since I catched her with young Gallows,--he is in qued,--serve him +right; but he'll be after her agin when he is out, he will." "Where is +your husband?" "Oh! the vagabond's gone off with a hussey, and left me +with three children,--this here's the last. Drat you," said she shaking +the infant which would not leave off howling. "Oh! here she is." +The girl entered the house with the cundum, and the mother and baby +disappeared. + +The affair was not enticing, my cock was flabby again, but the little +wench's naked belly stirred and stiffened me. I prepared the letter. +"Did you ever see one before?" "Yes a gent had one here one night, but +he did not put his thing into it." "What did he do then?" "He blew it +out, and popped it off," said the girl. "Oh! you wet it,--let me see how +you do it,--does it not feel cold?--it's a nasty thing. Indeed I'm +all right,--gals has diseases from doing it I know, but I +ain't,--look,"--and again the girl distended her cunt-lips without any +modesty or affectation. + +Fearful, but (as often was the case with me and French letters), my cock +and the letter would not agree. My cock stiff without it, drooped its +head directly the wet flabby sheep's-gut touched its tip. At length it +was over my doodle, and shoved up the little cunt after much trouble. +"It don't feel nice," said the girl. A few shoves more, and I lost all +prudence, pulled it off, and drove my naked prick with such a thrust up +her little quim, that she cried out. Her cry of pain gave me pleasure, +and fetched me. + +No one can lay so close up to you as a thin girl, two stout people can't +stick together like two lean ones. As I came to myself the little girl +was wriggling under me. "Oh! dear, just as it was beginning to feel +nice,--why did you do it so quick?" "Do you want it?" "Oh! I do,--do +shove a little,"--and the little cunt squeezed itself up to my belly, +and wriggled my doodle in her. I accepted the invitation, the girl +spent, and I had a second pleasure up her, after I had pulled my prick +out for a minute or two, to inspect it. + +She brought me a basin, soap, and a napkin of beautiful quality and +white. "Ulloh! is this yours?" "It's something we had to wash and +mangle," said the girl. "It's a table napkin." "Yes sir." + +"Don't you make a living by washing and mangling?" "No," said she, +"we have lost our business, father ran away, took linen, and sold +it,--people won't trust us,--none of those who lost their linen,--others +don't know us. Thank you sir," as I gave her the five shillings, "we +don't have as much sometimes in two days." "Wash your cunt my dear." She +went out of the room, and came back saying she had washed it. I felt it, +and she had. Then I talked for an hour with her. + +I was curious. "Tell me who first did it to you." "I shant." "It was a +coster lad, your mother has told me." "She has not." "She has." "Yes +it was a coster I knowed, he's been locked up for a row, and break-ing +windows,--he is seventeen." "When did he first do it to you?" "I shant +tell you," said the girl laughing, "mother's listening, I know she is." +I had the poor girl on my knee, was pulling her pretty tight little cunt +about. "I'd like to do it again," said I. "You may, and welcome," said +the girl. "Ain't you fucked every night?" "No, I wish I were,--to get +money." "Where is the five shillings?" "Mother's taken it, she always +does." I fucked her again, gave her a trifle more, left, and never had +her after. + +Then I had a woman of a singular build: she was shortish, and had the +hardest flesh on her bum I ever felt, it was impossible to pinch it. +She was a very large bummed woman, it was quite out of proportion to +her size, so were her breasts. She was as near as I can recollect about +twenty, but had the form of a woman of thirty, her cunt was almost +hairless, and had no lips, the lappels and clitoris showed when she +was standing up with thighs closed; when her thighs were open her cunt +looked as if the lips had been cut off, she had lightish brown hair +and almost colourless eyes. Her room was ragged, and I always found her +cooking, she wore garters of ragged ribbon below her knees, and ragged +slippers. For all that I went to see her I suppose a dozen times, and +nearly always fucked her from behind, dog-fashion. The arse-cheeks were +so firm, that I delighted to feel, and slap them as I fucked; and spite +of her big bum I recollect no woman whose cunt I got further up in that +position, as I did hers. + +One day she said whilst I was fucking her, "I thought you were going to +try the other hole." I looked, and her arsehole was as plainly visible +in the rear as her split was visible in the front. I can't tell now +how it came about, but know we began talking about that hole, and its +pleasures. One night from talking I got to action, she said she would +like her bum-hole broached. Such things were not to my taste, but egged +on by her talk I tried; then she said she was afraid it would hurt, and +although we talked more than once about it, and she always asked me to +try, it always ended in nothing, and I avoided her soon after. + +In the next street a woman after I had done her said, "You have got me +in the family way." Something led to my remarking that I should like +to fuck a woman in the family way, and her saying that she knew one +who would be confined in a fortnight, a nice woman, a fine woman, her +sister, the wife of a mechanic, but badly off just now. I can't tell +what had made me take such a desire, but I said I would give a sovereign +to see her cunt and big belly, and fuck her, and would give five +shillings if she would get this for me, not believing she was a married +woman, or her sister, although the wench said so. + +Asserting that it was no gay woman, and that a sovereign would be a +great help; she would go and see about it, if I would wait. Returning +she said that if I would really give a sovereign her sister would let +me, but that I could not stop long, for fear of her husband. We went +into an adjacent street of poor houses, but evidently with a different +class of tenants. She entered one, I waited close by till she beckoned +me in, then I found a decent young woman with an enormous belly who +asked me to show her the sovereign first, then to give it to her first, +which I would not. She dallied, and put off the affair, and I thought I +was hum-bugged. At length she got on to a clean although humble bed, the +other woman pulled up her clothes, I smoothed her belly, and with much +trouble got her legs open, and tried to see her cunt. + +She resisted, but gave way under the persuasion of the other woman who +kept saying, "Do now,--what did you say yes for, if you meant no?--a +bargain is a bargain,--don't make a fool of me,--well if you are ashamed +now, you should abin afore," and so forth. At length I had had a good +look at her cunt. + +Then I longed for a fuck, indeed took a letch for it, pulled out my +prick, and asked her to let me have her. "Not she," said the sister, +"you have seen all, and must be off, her man may come home at any +minute." The big-bellied one was much more quiet, laughed, I took out my +sovereign, wetted it with my spittle, and balancing it on the top of my +prick, told her to take it off, which she did in a very clever way; for +instead of taking it off with one hand, she shut one hand against the +other, enclosing my prick and the sovereign too in her hands. Both women +laughed, and the gay one said, "Well Mary, you've had more than one +man's in your hand now at all events,--you'll never tell Jack I'll +swear,--now go sir,--her man don't like _me_ here, and he won't like +_you_, I'll swear." + +My letch overcame me, I forgot how poor I was, and would have given my +clothes off my back for a poke up the cunt beneath that hard big belly, +so asked her again, and stood with my prick out, both women laughing. I +prayed her to let me again feel, and she consented. She was then sitting +down, I had to put my hands up her clothes, and stoop to do it, my back +was to her so-called sister. She laughed, and looking at her sister +whilst I felt her, caught hold of my prick, gave it a grasp, and +immediately relinquished it. Her sister did not see this done. + +I dallied a few minutes with her cunt, and fancied that if the other +woman was out of the way the big-bellied one would be complaisant. So +I asked if there was good gin to be had. It was a bait that the sister +took at once. Yes there was. I gave her money to fetch gin, and to buy +a bun and a bottle of ginger-beer; a move to keep her out of the way as +long as I could. + +I had buttoned my trowsers up, and ceased feeling and asking; but the +instant she was gone, out I pulled my stiff-stander. "Let me fuck you." +"Oh! she won't be long." "I won't be a minute." I flew to the door, and +locked it, the woman got up from the chair; made no resistance, raised +her bum with difficulty on to the bed, opened her thighs and we fucked +in a jiffy. It seemed that I no sooner was cunted than we both spent. +I unlocked the door, and by the time the other woman returned, not six +minutes had passed. The two sat gin-drinking a few minutes, and then the +harlot and I left together. + +As I uncunted I whispered, "When your sister is gone I'll come back." +"Very well." The gay woman made off at the end of the street in the +direction of her house. Waiting a minute I returned to the big-bellied +one, who was at the door, we went in, and I locked the door. "My man may +be home at any minute," said she, "so we must be quick." I threw her on +the edge of the bed again, her cunt was still covered with my sperm, and +turning her arse towards me we fucked dog-fashion. She enjoyed it. +The instant my prick was out I was off. I never saw her, or her sister +again. + +Both women were tallish, and spoke with a strong Northern accent. I +quite believe the one with the swollen belly was not gay. + +These are the most noticeable events which occurred during the period of +my narrowest means. In that time I must have seen the privates of fifty +women, and copulated with nearly that number. Had it not been for their +pleasures, coarse as they were, I think I should have made away with +myself, so miserable was I. How I accommodated myself to the class I +can't imagine; for although a few were nice, prettyish, healthy women, +the majority were low coarse creatures, living in poor single rooms +which were often not clean; but both rooms and women were as good as +could be expected for the few shillings I gave for their pleasures. + +My strong animal wants carried me through, and added to that perhaps was +a certain amusement in noticing the difference in manner between them, +and the highly paid Bonarobas, whose silks, satins, and laces I had +helped to pay for at the rate of a sovereign an hour, and often higher. +Besides as already said, my imagination helped me. When my prick was +up one of the ill-favored ones, and I was clasping a flabby backside, +I used to shut my eyes, and fancy some charming creature whom I had had +elsewhere. I cultivated these dreams in copulating. + +Up to this period I had tailed a neighbourhood of free cunts, as far +as trifling sums would get them me. A shilling a feel, or a look at +the nudity, and for half-a-crown to five shillings at the outside for +complete enjoyment was a tariff generally accepted. + +Then a remnant of my former fortune which had been in litigation was +settled in my favour, and I had a little ready money. Immediately I +left off frequenting the poor Doxies of whom I have told, and went to a +higher class, in a better neighbourhood. My money was soon gone, for I +had debts among other things to settle out of it. Whilst it lasted I +had some very nice women, among whom I shall always recollect a tall, +superbly shaped creole, with dazzling white teeth (a feature in women +which always has had a great attraction for me), and who was one of the +most voluptuous women in her embraces I ever yet have had; but she was +plain almost to ugliness. In the rest of my amours there was nothing to +need special notice, they were all fugitive, and the women were changed +frequently. + +It is difficult to narrate more without divulging my outer life. I would +fain keep that hidden, but it is impossible, I shall however tell as +little as may be and obscure it, but without falsifying or distorting +any facts relating to my amorous pranks, some of which were not sought +by me. I fain would have led a steadier life, and wished a home with a +woman I could love; but I had an unquiet home, and a woman there whom +I hated in bed and at board. I tried at times to overcome my antipathy, +abstained from women for weeks at a time, so that sexual want might +generate a sort of love, but it was useless, without reward, and a life +of misery was before me. I broke out under it, wonder I did not break +down, and should have done so, had it not been for whores. Cunt came +to my rescue, and alone gave me forgetfulness, a relief far better +than gambling or drinking, the only other alternatives I could have had +recourse to. + +And now I pass over a short period, in which I did much the same as I +have just written of, until a lucky sympathy brought me a happier change +in my amours. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX. + + My home life.--Heart-broken.--In the parlour.--Maid Mary's + sympathy.--Don't cry master.--On the sofa.--Both in lust.-- + Impotent. + +I was still poor, but had got into an employment, and was living in a +small eight-roomed house. I kept one servant only, but was pinched to +keep up appearances. None of the outside world could have known how much +I was pinched. I went home regularly, sat for hours by myself reading, +brooding, fretting, and even crying bitter tears, at the time I take up +my narrative. + +Our servant was named Mary. A tall woman about twenty-one years of age, +splendidly built, stout of form, and with big breasts and haunches. Her +face was lovely, her eyes almost the most beautiful hazel I ever saw, +its expression dove-like, her complexion as clear and bright as a rose. +She looked as if she ate three meals a day, shit regularly, slept eight +hours, and was fucked nightly, and was in brief a most lovely creature, +and the picture of health. She had a mouth filled with lovely teeth, one +of which was missing, and showed its absence when she laughed, it was +the only defect visible about her. Another handsome woman whom I have +had since, had also lost two front-teeth, which showed in a similar +manner, but that lady always smiled, and rarely laughed, so as to avoid +showing the defect. False teeth were a rarity in those days, and quite +beyond the means of poor people. + +She had been with us about three months. There was mystery about her, +like a former servant of my mother's, she scarcely ever wanted to go +out. At times we heard her singing, at others sobbing, and it used to be +remarked that she was moping. I thought my wife knew more about her than +she said, but to her I spoke as little as possible about anything. Mary +was an indifferent but willing servant, was said to have come from the +country, to have been living with an aunt a short time in London, and +that ours was her first place. She was with us pretty well worked and +scolded, but not by me. + +I had been struck by her beauty and her ways, which were winning, +friendly, and unlike a servant's, yet without being presuming, and I was +as kind to her, both in manner and word as I dared to be; but I had +been annoyed and suspected for speaking kindly to servants, and to avoid +strife was cold, even harsh to them in manner. Mary was witness of +the sullen domestic misery in which I lived. I had seen a pained, +sympathetic glance at me at times when she heard our wrangles, and was +confident that she pitied me. + +Nevertheless I had no sensual intentions towards her, holding it as +fitting carefully to respect my home, whatever I did out of it. I might +have thought about her hidden charms and probably had had that tingling +in my prick which a pretty woman often gives a man however virtuous he +may be. But it went no further. + +My last clap may have made me abstinent, or want of money had, or +perhaps other motives which beset a man who wished a different order of +things in his home affected me, for I know that for weeks I had barely +had an emission, excepting by nocturnal dreams; and though dying for a +genial fuck, yet avoided it, and worked at my occupation to get money +and forget my troubles. This woman changed all my resolves, and launched +me again into sexual pleasures. I may remark also, curious as it may +seem, that instead of fattening, and getting strong by abstinence, I got +just the reverse. Every time I spent involuntarily on my night-shirt, +I awaked fatigued, agitated, nervous. I lost appetite, got thinner and +thinner, and more and more miserable the less I had women. + +One fine summer's afternoon I came home before my usual time, it was +about four o'clock P.M. Mary opened the door, she was alone in the +house. I went to my room, then came down into the parlours, and for a +time sat there looking into my garden and smoking. Grief overcame me as +I looked round at the home in which there was no one to welcome me, so +I walked into the garden, and saw the maid doing some work at the back +kitchen door. "Your mistress is out?" I had never on any day asked that +before, as far as I can recollect, not caring to know; and she might +have been upstairs. "Yes sir." "Did she say when she would return?" "No +sir, but it will be I dare say about the usual time." "When is that?" +"Half-past five, or six o'clock, perhaps later." I again turned down the +garden, and as that did not relieve my dullness, returned to the house. +I could not read though I tried, sat down on a chair by the dining-room +table, laid my head on my hands upon it, and thought of my unhappy home +till I cried bitterly. + +A hand laid on my shoulder, a voice said, "Don't you take on so +Master,--don't you now,--she's not worth it,--cheer up,--don't you take +on so." I looked up, it was Mary looking full at me, her eyes full of +tears. + +I started up astonished. "I beg your pardon," said she looking +uncomfortable, "I couldn't bear to see you so unhappy." Her interest in +me struck me to the heart, without premeditation I threw my arms +round her, pressed her mouth to mine, it unresistingly met it, and we +passionately kissed for two or three minutes; kissed till I recovered +my senses, my tears still running down, and then said, "Mary you +_are_ kind,--you are a dear, good girl,--a good, affectionate, loving +creature,--I am unhappy, miserable, but how do you know that?" "How +could I be off of knowing?--how could you be anything else with +her?--but don't take on so Master,--she beant worth it,--and you so +good, and so kind,--I hate her when I look at her, and then look at you. +Oh! I beg your pardon sir,--don't say anything,"--and as if astonished +at herself, she disengaged herself, and stood looking at me. I closed +with her again, folding her tightly to me, and we kissed till we could +kiss no longer. My tears fell on her face, and hers ran down my cheeks, +so close were they together. + +The parlours divided by folding doors mostly open, ran from back to +front. A sofa was close by the dining-table. "Sit down," said I. She +did. I put my arm round her neck, pulled her face to mine, and kissed +again that divinely pink and velvety cheek. Then her arm went round my +waist, and lips to lips, each instant we kissed, and sat and talked of +my miseries; yet as far as I recollect not the slightest desire to have +her had then come into my head, all was delight at my trouble being +shared, at a kind, soft, pretty woman commiserating me. + +After long talking and kissing, and looking at her, a sense of her. +great beauty suddenly struck me, just as if I had never noticed it +before. I recollect telling her so. + +Then a thrill of desire shot through me and staggered me. I trembled as +the want overtook me, and drew her closer to me, kissed more fervently, +and sighed. She sighed. My lust had kindled hers, and yet I had not +spoken of it. My hand went on to her knees, I felt the thighs gently, +felt their plumpness through the summer clothing, slowly my hand dropped +lower kissing her all the while, and bending her forward with me, as I +bent forward, with my dropping hand. + +A long pause. I scarcely knew why, and then my hand went still lower, +till it touched her ankles, still kissing her, and bending her with me +(oh! how well I recollect it), then my right hand went quite slowly +up her clothes to her knees, and there I stopped, frightened at my +advances. Opening her eyes she gently repulsed me, and murmured, "Oh! +Master,--Master,--what are you doing,--pray don't." Her eyes were filled +with soft passion, her resistance physically would not have moved a +butterfly, but morally she affected me. I became conscious of what I was +driving on to un-premeditatingly. + +I desisted, removed my hand, but passion now controlled me. I kissed +again. "Let me feel, oh! let me dear feel you," bending her forward +with me, I replaced my hand. "Oh! Master pray don't,--think what you +are doing,--of who I am," said she lovingly. "Oh! I won't," said she +sharply,--but too late, my fingers were on her clitoris, I had begun +that gentle twiddling which always ends in fucking. "Oh!--no,--oh!-- +pray." Voluptuousness had overcome her, her mouth was glued to mine, her +eyes fixed on mine; gently they closed, then opened, always looking +into mine. Her breathing was short, she was past thought, she was mine. +Gently pressing her back on the sofa, she raised her limbs, I lifted her +clothes, and tearing open my trowsers threw myself on her. My fingers +for an instant touched her cunt, a rapid probe, and then my prick! My +God! it was not standing, not a bit of swell or stiffness was in it, it +was as a sucked gooseberry, a mere bit of dwindling, flexible, skinny +gristle, a piece of loose, flabby flesh, and nothing more. + +I had been occasionally, but rarely suddenly unequal to love's duty +as already told, had gone home with gay women, my prick standing as I +entered their houses, then suddenly it had shrunk, something about them +having upset me. Occasionally it was a sudden fear of the ladies' fever, +or something looked less inviting when their petticoats were off, than +I had imagined when drapery hid their charms, or else the fear that my +prick would be thought small. At other times I could not account for it +at all. I told my doctor of it. He said that it was nervousness, but the +knowledge that I had once been so affected, affected me often afterwards +when I went indoors with girls. "Shall I be able to fuck?" I used to +think, I who had already fucked two hundred women. But so it was, a fear +of inability brought on inability. The power often returned to me a few +minutes afterwards, yet sometimes not for hours. + +There was nothing to account for it now, I had more or less abstained +for weeks, there lay one of the choicest female forms ever presented +to man's eyes, a dark-brown crispy-haired cunt with a tiny bit of pink +clitoris showing between a large pair of thighs like ivory, and a sweet +face above turned on one side with eyes closed, and blushing a yielding +up to me. And I liked the woman, felt mad for her, yet as my prick +rubbed against her pleasure-pit, it became useless. I got up, looked at +her as she lay motionless with thighs extended, stood almost frantic, +frigged my prick, probed her, and again threw myself on her as I +stiffened; but no sooner had my prick touched her beautiful cunt, than +as if bewitched, it shrunk from entering it, I could not even thumb it +up. + +I broke into a sweat. "My God what will she think of me?" I dreaded +to get off, and look her in the face, feeling so ashamed, I kissed her +taking her head in my hands, again got off, kissed all round her cunt, +and smelt its inciting aroma, asked her to be still, said I should be +all right directly. So time wore on, she never moving excepting to push +her clothes down as I rose and exposed her, nor opening her eyes, nor +uttering a word. "My God what is the matter with me, I don't know but I +can't," I said at last. Then she put quite down her clothes, and sitting +up on the sofa gave me a kiss, said, "I must go, and see about laying +the things for dinner," and off she went. + +I did not stop her, but was glad when she left the room, being so +ashamed that I could not look at her. It was a relief not to have to +speak, to excuse, to explain. I was reeking with sweat from exertion and +nervous anxiety sat thinking and frigging, felt sensation of pleasure +without stiffness, and only stiffened after half-an-hour's rubbing. With +prick out and in hand, downstairs then I went, she was boiling potatoes. + +"Mary come up, come, I am all right,--let me." She would not. "I can't +Master, I can't,--what will Missus think if she finds nothing ready?" Nor +could I induce her. I incited her by talk, she kept on ejaculating "oh!" +to my baudy remarks, and blushing like a rose; but I could get no more. +"If Missus comes home, and sees you through the area, what will she +say?--Pray go up Master." Yielding under the fear of being surprised, at +length up I went to the parlour. + +I knew she would be up to lay the cloth, waited in the parlour till she +did, keeping my prick in hand, and trembling with anxiety. When she +had laid it, "Now," said I, "look here." "No,--no,--no,--Missus may be +home,--pray think of me." But a stiff prick close to a randy woman is a +great persuader. "Come dear, come," and I pulled her. Again she was down +on the sofa, again that divine belly was under me, again as I opened the +lips of her cunt my prick dwindled to nothing. "Hush! there's Mistress' +step,--there is the front-gate slamming. Get up,--get up, oh! let me +get up." Upstairs I rushed to my own sitting-room as I heard a knock at +the door, and had only time to button up my disgraced doodle before I +heard the woman tramping upstairs to our bed-room above. How I loathed +her! + +Half-an-hour after that I sat down to dinner, having composed myself. +Mary brought up the dishes. The instant I saw her my cock stiffened, +it kept stiff all the evening, I could not sleep for it, was tempted to +fuck, or frig myself, but did neither, feeling sure I should have Mary, +and would not spend a drop of my sperm till I did. "What does she think +of me?--will she believe I am a man?--will she let me again?--when shall +I get the chance?--what enervated me so at the critical moment?--oh! my +God if she lets me, and I am seized so again, what shall I do then?"--and +so on ran my thoughts. I lay planning how to get her the whole night, +and awakened haggard and unrefreshed in the morning. + +Then I reflected less nervously. "My finger has been up her cunt," I +thought, "no pain, no recoil,--how quiet she laid,--then she has been +fucked before,--then what must she think of me?" and so on ran my +thoughts till I was in an agony of disgrace. My haggard look was +noticed. I was worried, and should not be home to dinner. "Why?" That +was my business. Well then she would spend the afternoon with Mrs. +-------- would I fetch her? Yes at half-past ten o'clock. She wanted to +come home earlier. Then she might come by herself. Well then she would +wait for me till half-past ten. + + + + +CHAPTER XX. + + The next day.--On the door-mat.--On the sofa.--On her + belly.--Eight hours fucking.--At a brothel.--An afternoon's + amusement. + +Instead of being late I went home about two P.M., just after luncheon +time. "Is Mary alone, or not?" I thought, and had arranged for that. I +waited in a cab, told a boy to take a letter to No.--but not to give it +unless the lady was at home; if she were not, to bring it back to me, +and he should have a shilling when he returned to me. If asked, he was +to say he had been told to leave it, but not to say by whom. The letter +was properly addressed, but inside was a sheet of blank paper only. Back +he came with the letter,--the lady was out. + +Even then I was not sure, so drove up and down two or three times in +front of my house, to see if I could discover any signs of Mary not +being alone, and then I dismissed the cab. My prick had been standing on +and off all day, I was in a fearful state of nervous erotic excitement. +When I thought of her beautiful belly my prick nearly lifted me off the +seat, the next minute I had fears of being taken as I had been the day +previously. Would she let me now?--would she be in the mood?--would she +not laugh at me, instead of putting her arms around my neck, and her +eyes fill with tears? My heart beat audibly with these tumultuous +thoughts as I knocked at the door. To my horror I felt my prick +shrinking as I stood on the landing feeling it through my trowsers +pocket. + +Mary opened the door, surprise in her eyes, and a slight look of fear. +"You sir!" "Is your Mistress in?" "No sir." To step inside, close the +door, place my arms round her, and kiss her rapturously was the work of +an instant. She kissed me, and I her for a minute, and glory to God +my prick was like a rod of hot iron standing up against my belly, and +throbbing to emit its juices up the dear girl's cunt, against which its +poor little tip not twenty-four hours before had dangled and rubbed so +uselessly. + +A stoop, a struggle. "Adun now--Master,--you shant,--oh! you musn't," +and again I was upright, my lips on her sweet lips, my finger on her +clitoris, her face scarlet with modesty, her eyes closed. What woman can +long withstand that irritating, voluptuous, restless movement, of the +male finger on her cunt? Soft words now, "Oh! don't," as I stooped down +to lift her petticoats, and she pushed them over my hand. Another slight +struggle, again our lips meet, again my finger rubs the smooth clitoris, +now her hand grasps a hot prick, and with her lips to mine she +stands with her back up against the wall of the passage close to the +street-door on the door-mat. So we stand kissing and feeling, I don't +know how long, for who can count time in such delights. + +"Come to the parlour, come." "No, no,--oh I pray." I edged her along, +one hand still up her petticoats, she trying to push them down. "No I +won't,--there now." "Do Mary dear,--let's do it,--I'm a man,--let's do +it,--look, look how my prick throbs for you,--it will spend." Removing +my hand from her cunt, I seized hold of both her hands with mine, and +began gently dragging her along the passage to the parlour, she leaning +back gently resisting, I leaning back tugging her, my prick red-tipped, +stiff, and throbbing standing out in its randy glory between us. + +I got her into the parlour, a flood of sunshine struck full on us from +the back window as we did so (windows both back and front in the long +room). There she seemed half unconscious. Kind of heart, pitying, +liking me, her splendid healthy physique, her fully-developed passions, +passions of which she had tasted the full pleasure, but which had been +for a long time ungratified, were roused to intensity by the feel of my +prick, by my groping her cunt, by the excitement of the position; all +had relazed her nervous system, and absorbed her in voluptuousness. +What did she think? Did she think at all?--did she ever know? How can +I recollect what I thought in that maddening moment of fierce desire to +have her? I grasped her round the waist, and pushed her to the sofa. No +resistance, not a word was said. My arse knocked hard against the table, +and hurt me. She is down on the sofa, her petticoats up, I see the +creamy flesh, large round thighs, the dark hair on her cunt for a +second, I am on her, up her, a slight sob as my prick goes up with the +thrust of a giant, and we are spending in each other's embraces, mouth +to mouth, belly to belly, prick to cunt, ballocks to bum-cheeks, almost +the instant I had covered her, and grasped her smooth fat buttocks. I +have no sense of time, all is oblivium and elysium at the same time. + +Our sighs of pleasure are over, there is no uncunt-ing, no stopping; +but with rigid prick still up to its roots in her cunt, on again we +go fucking in earnest. Now is the higher pleasure. The first was a +maddening desire for each other, a fuck finished before it was begun. +Now we are fucking with soft pleasure, and the thoughts of the greater +pleasure to come, of my spunk to spurt, of her juices to ooze to meet +it, in a cunt already flooded. I recollect smoothing her hair back from +her forehead as I fucked, of kissing and meeting her tongue with mine, +and spending with rapture, then waking from a doze, and finding her half +asleep, I on the top of her, my cock still up her. My trowsers not let +down had ridden up, and were cutting me tightly under my balls with a +painful sensation, and all this was on a narrowish sofa, a modern cheap +bit of furniture unlike the grand big one in mother's house, on which +many a servant had had her cunt basted by me. + +She lay with her beautiful head on one side, with eyes closed, with her +long hair falling loose, and her cap tumbled off. As I lay I loosened +my braces, and little by little took the strain off my testicles, and my +balls fell down into their natural position. I put my hand down to feel +how my prick lay, the sperm was oozing out all round it. I wanted to see +her quim, and pulled out, then putting my hands against the sofa-squab, +I pushed myself gently up, rose on to my knees between her thighs, and +looking down saw the sperm between her cunt-lips. + +She opened her eyes, pushing gently down her clothes; but the glance had +been enough. With prick still stiffish down I fell on her, and was up +her again in the twinkling of an eye, lodging my prick in preparation +for another fuck. + +Now all is clear, our lust assuaged. "I've fucked you,--I'm a man you +see," I cried triumphantly. She closed her eyes, my prick came out, +I pushed it back, again out, again up, and so on for a time. A long +business was fucking now, long friction, no result, then a long rest, +our genitals joined, their hairs glued together, yet no fear of a +failure. My machine went on ramming, moans of pleasure at length came +from her, her hands clasped me tightly, and with a heave and cry of "Oh! +my darling," she again spent with me, my prick aching with its labour of +love. + +Then I dozed an instant on her, she seemed asleep, I was squeezed +uncomfortably next the wall, my prick satisfied with its duty, at the +first movement left her cunt. I moved her to get off, my trowsers had +dropped to my knees, entangled my legs, and I gently fell on to the +floor, catching at her outer thigh, and pulling it off the sofa as I did +so to break my tumble. Up she sat dazed, her petticoats above her knees, +I at her feet, looking intently where her closing thighs hid the seat of +our pleasures from me. + +"Oh! my gracious!" said she starting up, and letting down one +front-blind quite, and half of the other (there were two windows that +side of the room). The brilliant sun had lowered, and came into the room +in a flood of radiance from the Back-window, and the room was light and +bright throughout its long and narrow length. Although in a very wide +street, the neighbours from the houses opposite could easily have +seen right into our room, could have seen us on the sofa. Usually when +sitting in the room at that hour of the day, we kept down the blind +of the back-window to prevent this. Worse than that, the steps to the +street-door were so close to, one front-window, that by stretching +forward (very much it is true, but I had done it), any one could see +into the room, even on to half of the sofa on which Mary and I had been +amusing ourselves. What an awful risk we had run. + +We looked at each other anxiously. "Oh!" said she, "if any one saw us!" +I looked through our blind. Every blind in the houses opposite was drawn +down to shut out the sun. Then I sat by her side, did nothing but look +at her for a time, so delighted and satisfied was I at having vindicated +my manhood, until she rose to go. That aroused me, and I stopped her. + +"Let me go." "No." "If Mistress comes home--" "She won't." "She may." +"No,--I've fucked you,--you thought I was not a man, did you not?" "Do +let me go." "Come up again then." "Well presently." "You are going to +wash your cunt." "Hush Master." "You shant go." "Now let me." "Kiss +me then." We kissed and kissed. Could I do it again? The idea of her +moistened cunt inflamed me, I pulled her back, thrust my fingers on to +her cunt spite of her resistance, and never shall I forget the feel +of that and her thighs. "It's dirty of you," said Mary, and disengaged +herself she rushed downstairs. I followed her into the back-kitchen, +were she washed her quim in a wooden bowl, but did not dry it. I chaffed +her, then we went into the front-kitchen, sat down, and looked at each +other without speaking, like two amorous cats, she blushing, and turning +down her eyes as if she guessed what was in my mind. At length I blurted +out what was there, I always did it till much later in life, and I had +grown wiser. "You've had it done to you before to-day." "Oh!" said +she starting up, then sitting down again, and bursting into tears, "Of +course I have,--poor fellow,--poor fellow,--why did he leave me!" + +Embarrassed and sorry at such a consequence of my speech, I tried a few +words of comfort. She dried up her tears, and began her household work. +I followed her about, talking, kissing, and putting my hand up her +clothes, until in due time we adjourned to the parlour, and then again I +fucked her, this time on the hearth-rug, the sofa-squab under her head, +the sofa was too small for comfort. + +Time was before us, all seemed delicious, the domesticity of the amorous +amusements, the passion with which she returned my embraces, her +modesty and enjoyment were all so like the days when I fucked my mothers +servants. The difference between her sensuous embraces and the matter of +fact fucking at five shillings a head I had been so long accustomed +to, overwhelmed me with gratification. We had tea. Then as I had had no +dinner, and there was none for me, I ate bread and cheese, and opened a +bottle of port-wine, and in an hour we fucked again, and again. At nine +o'clock she had supper, and we fucked after it. She sat on my lap, I +played with her cunt, she with my prick, and we kissed till our lips +were sore. But nothing would induce her to let me see her limbs, nor do +more than feel her cunt, and take my pleasure in it. + +From two in the afternoon till ten at night was I feeling her quim, +kissing, and fucking. We were both exhausted. I got into bed intending +to say I had come home ill, took a pill to open my bowels, and begged in +a pot that night to keep up the sham (there was no closet in the house). +As the street-door bell rang I was in my night-shirt, standing by +her side, trying to frig my prick up to standpoint. In bed I jumped, +downstairs bolted she. In ten minutes it was, "Don't make that noise, +I have a billious headache." I never closed my eyes that night, could +scarcely believe what had occurred, and tossed and tumbled, thinking +of the pleasure I had had. Though we had been nearly eight hours doing +nothing else, it seemed not an hour. How often I fucked her I don't +know, it seemed as if I was at least half of the eight hours up her +cunt, which is absurd; but it was one of my greatest feats in the +fucking line, the longest and most pleasureable. + +Next morning, haggard, jaded, worn out, the billious attack got the +credit of it, I laid abed all the morning, and went out late. When at +business I fell asleep, unable to work, came home at about the same time +as on the previous day with no idea of chance favouring me, but it did. +Mary was alone, and we fucked as hard as we could. She laid the cloth +and dinner-things my sperm dripping from her cunt. I had just spent up +her as the street-door bell rang, buttoned up my trowsers, turned on my +side on the sofa, and shammed sleep. "Is your Master home?" "Yes Mamm, +he seems quite ill." "Where is he?" "On the sofa, fast asleep I think +Mamm." Again the billious attack had all the credit of it. I had pulled +down the blinds which covered the window through which the room could be +partly seen from the landing outside. Five minutes after I was sitting +at dinner with the smell of Mary's cunt on my fingers, my prick sticking +to my shirt, for I had never washed it, nor piddled since it had left +Mary's body. + +Luck helped me for a day or two. The illness of a relative took the +other person interested in this out of the house at unusual times, and +Mary and I did all we could in an hour or two. It was more exciting now +than ever to see a woman bolt downstairs directly she had been fucked, +to cook potatoes, or to eject me from her cunt, and leave the fuck +undone, because there was a ring at the bell. It was old times come +again, but with greater risk, more serious consequences if found out, +yet with greater zest and enjoyment. + +Then luck ceased, the house was never left, and all I could get was a +stray kiss, and a slight feel of her quim. But oh! the delight of +that rapid feel round the warm, smooth bum and thighs, and the push up +between the warm, moist cunt-lips when I got it. + +Then came her holiday. We went to a baudy house in E.. t. r street. +She had a large paper parcel in her hand when I met her. "What's that?" +"Cherries,--I know you are fond of them, so bought some." + +What a jolly afternoon we spent. Although I had had her many times, she +had not willingly let me see her person, I had had glimpses, and no more +now. In a trice she had stripped to her chemise, I to my shirt. What +lovely breasts, what splendid limbs, what thighs and arse-globes. In an +instant I was on the bed with her. After a fuck we fell fast asleep, +she had done so similarly at my house on the sofa, and on the floor. She +always did after a spend. I never met such a woman in that respect. As +regularly as she copulated she went to sleep after, and said she could +not help it. When awakened she asked for cherries, and we lay and +dallied, and ate cherries at intervals. There was now no reticence, all +her charms were open to my sight and touch. "Why did you not let me +at home Mary?" "My linen warnt clean," I remember that well. "How many +times did we fuck that first day." "Don't you know? I've been trying to +recollect, and can't," she replied laughing. + +She was a lovely woman, had firm, smooth, creamy flesh, was as plump as +a sucking-pig, a fat cunt of my favorite style then, and the loveliest +coloured hair on it I ever saw; but it was ample, both inside and +outside, I had experience enough to know that even then, though its grip +of the prick was heavenly. Her form and figure was if anything, what may +be called thick, the ankles and wrists were thick, but neither feet or +hands were large, her breasts and bum were faultless. Take her all in +all she was a superb creature, and had such a complexion! + +I sent for wine and biscuits, for we got thirsty and hungry, and then +amidst amorous dalliance we chatted. She astonished me not a little +about her career. I was always curious with a woman whom I had poked, +and till I had heard something about her was not satisfied. Whether lies +or truth I always got a history of some sort out of a woman of Mary's +class, and usually got the main facts truly. I have tested them. But not +so with gay women, they mostly lie heavily. + +"Master (she always addressed me so in country fashion and dialect), +you know." "I?" "Yes." "No." "You do." "What nonsense." "Ain't she told +you?" "No." "Why she knows all about me, she caught me crying one day, +spoke kindly, it made me open my heart, and I told her all!--yet she +has never told you?" "Never, and if you have told her anything about +yourself that you had better have kept to yourself, you will regret it." +"I fear I shall." Then little by little, amidst tears and caresses, +she told me her history, and again did on future days, and I saw her +letters, rings, jewellery, silks, and other proofs, I knew the town +she lived in, know some of the people in it whom she mentioned, and was +satisfied with the truth of every part of her story. One gentleman she +named was to have married one of my sisters,--how strange! + + + + +CHAPTER XXI. + + Preliminary.--Maid Mary's seduction.--Flight.--Desertion.-- + Going to the post-office.--A halfpenny signal.--Against an + arm-chair.--The privy watched.--Nearly caught.--Mary + suspected.--Dismissed.--In lodgings.--Service again.--My + cousin sir.--Letters lost.--Mary disappears.--Seven years + afterwards.--Sequel. + +The daughter of a small inn-keeper at the town of B.. t. n, she was at +a public hall. A young gentleman danced with her, afterwards paid +attentions to her, and induced her to run off with him. "Oh! I was just +as bad as him, poor fellow! When he got me into the room I felt sure +what he was after, knew it was wrong, knew he would want me, and that I +should let him. I wanted to let him do it, to be all to him, I did not +want it done to me for myself, not that I recollect, I dare say I might, +but don't recollect _that_; but I wanted him to do with me what he +liked, anything he liked, anything he wanted to do me. I would have let +him do anything that would make him happy, and seem as if I belonged to +him entirely, and he to me for ever." + +"And he did it?" "Yes. I stopped out all night and next day, and then +went home frightened. I was father's favorite, he had been hunting for +me like mad all over the town, and letting people know I was not at +home. He hit me,--there was such a row!--my sister spat at me, and +called me a whore. I never slept all night, and hadn't slept the night +before, what with his a pulling me about and doing it, and my fear of +being found out. I was ill, and father kept me locked up in my room a +week, because I would not tell him where I had been and with who. I +said I had been to an aunt's, he went to her, and found I had fibbed. +At length he let me out, because he wanted me to attend to his +business, and the first man I saw in the bar was my dear boy,--I nearly +fainted."--These were as nearly as possible her own words describing +her seduction, they are so unlike the confessions I have had from other +women, that the very words sank deep into my mind. + +After that he used to go and drink at the bar, her father talked with +him, not knowing he was the man who had broached his daughter. She was +watched till life was unbearable, her sister worried her (she had +no mother), neighbours who had thought well of her began to sneer, a +country swain who liked her was saucy to her, one or two swells in the +neighbourhood who had been accustomed to see her about, and admired her +beauty, were now free in their behaviour. One took liberties with her, +and in the public-house began asking her smutty questions. Weary with +all this, liking the man whose sperm had wetted her virgin cunt, perhaps +longing to have more (although she always declared to me that she had +no recollection of that desire affecting her), one night she ran away to +London with him. + +They lived in London nine months. Then came grief. He was the son of a +West-India planter who had sent him to London to pass as barrister. His +father's agents found out the connection with Mary, and wrote to the +father that he was spending his money, but not advancing his career. His +father objected, then threatened, and then his allowance was stopped. +They lived on what they had, until penniless. He wrote that he was +going to marry Mary, and his father replied that if he did he need +never return and might starve. He was a gentleman, and could not get his +living, he tried but failed. Then the father wrote, requesting him to +return, and saying he would provide for Mary. Misery stared them in the +face, and he consented to go home. + +His father remitted money. The first thing he did was to take all Mary's +jewelry and clothes out of pawn, and then to arrange for her to live. He +promised to come back, and marry her, and some sort of such promise was +made by his father's agents. He begged her to go home, but she would +not. Then he put her to lodge with a small middle-class woman whom he +bribed to give Mary a character as a servant, for he declared he would +remain, and ruin himself for ever, if she neither would go home, nor go +to service. Mary remained there a couple of months, dressing plainly, +and only going to see him in his lodgings at night, or to meet him at +places where it would not be known. Then he went to India. Repeated +threats of his father, and his want of money would let him stay no +longer. + +The father arranged that Mary should be paid fifteen shillings a week, +and they paid it for some time. She wanted to write to her lover, but +had mislaid his address, the agents said that their instructions were to +stop the weekly payment if she corresponded with him; but _he_ wrote to +her, _she_ replied, and then their payments ceased. Her lover then sent +her money; but his father found that out, and kept him penniless. +She was in London now alone, knowing not a person, again he sent her +trifling sums, but begged her to go out to service, or she would become +a gay woman (I have seen his letters). She used to go out, sit down on +a green close by, and cry all day. One day a middle-aged woman accosted +her, she told a little of her grief to her, it was something to tell her +grief, even to a stranger. The woman told some plausible story, and she +went to see her (I had the address). There the woman asked to see her +partly undressed, and told her that with such legs and breasts she might +have silk dresses and jewelry galore, in fact incited her to be a gay +woman. True to her lover, she did as he advised. The female with whom +she lived gave her a character as a servant, and with that she came into +our house. + +The way in which the old bawd got to see her legs was amusing, I often +thought of it; not knowing a bawd's dodges then. She asked her if she +wanted to piddle, took her to a bed-room, and as in sitting down she +showed a little leg, the woman broke out into ecstacies, and asked her +to show more. Much flattered she did, and then came the old woman's +suggestions. + +"From the time he left you till the other day, had you never been +poked?" "Never, by all that is good.--I would not have injured him,--I +was shocked when the old woman told me about getting money by my legs. +I hoped he would come back, and always thought he would. But he never +answers my letters now, although some money came for me the other day, +and I know it must be from him, although the writing is not his; even +when you threw me on the sofa that day, I thought I was wronging him for +a moment, till I forgot everything but you. + +"But oh! I have had a weary life since he left, father I hear has +failed, what sister's doing I don't know,--sister I heard tells +everybody it was all my fault, and that the old man never held up his +head after I ran away,--perhaps it's true," said she with a flood of +tears, "but I was a good gal to him, till my poor Alfred took me away." + +I have never before or since heard anything more simple or touching than +that girl's tale, as told me in the baudy house. I could almost swear +that every word was true. We stopped at the house till time for Mary +to leave. I had paid for the rooms two or three times over, being still +inexperienced. When we came out we were famished, having eaten nothing +but cherries and biscuits nearly all day. I bought buns, and we ate in +the cab, I feeling her cunt at intervals, and once making a fruitless +attempt at a fuck. The smell of her cunt on my fingers at that time I +dare say gave a relish to the buns, for I liked her. She went in first, +ten minutes afterwards I did. What a look we gave each other as she +opened the door! Old times again, and this time as charming as those in +every particular. + +For some time afterwards it was impossible to have her, for we never +were alone, our only chance of exchanging whispers or a kiss was on the +stairs, or when the other woman went to the privy. In those few minutes +we used to stand whispering, kissing and feeling each other. Then at +table I used to feel her legs with my toes, putting my feet out of my +slippers as she put things on the breakfast or dinner-table, and looking +the other woman in the face all the time. This was so pleasant to me, +that I came down in the morning without socks, saying the weather was so +hot, and when I could get the naked toe up just to touch her thigh, +my prick would stand at the instant. But this was poor pleasure, and I +resolved on a course which I had actually to write to tell her of, so +little opportunity had I of conversing with her for the time. + +Our old-fashioned house was one of a row with a narrow frontage, and +four stories high, had a long narrow garden, and a privy about thirty +feet from the back-door, hidden by some evergreens, the common mode of +building in London at that time. On the first floor was my own little +sitting-room and a drawing-room, and above two bed-rooms, the back one +serving as a dressing-room for me, above those a servant's attic. With +one servant only we helped ourselves a good deal as may be supposed. One +bath sufficed, one of us took it first, the other using the same water, +it was a not very big flat tub. I usually took it first, then went +downstairs, and read till breakfast-time, and so got my five or ten +minutes opportunity. But she began to take her bath irregularly, or not +at all, and came down at times so quickly after me, that I was +cautious, and so the opportunities with Mary were lost. She was probably +suspicious, but I never knew. + +The scullery or back kitchen-door led up to the garden by a little +flight of steps, and in the summer it was always wide open. Anything let +fall out of the back-window would fall just in the doorway. This gave me +the means of signalling. It was arranged that if Mary heard a penny drop +on to the stones by the door, she was at once to go up quietly to the +parlour, the ground-floor room as said, was divided by folding doors, +in the front was the dining-table and the auspicious sofa, in the back a +small table where we breakfasted. + +One morning dressed I waited till the woman stepped into the bath, and +then looking out of the window, dropped a penny. It fell just where Mary +stood cleaning my boots. Then downstairs I cut, and there was Mary in +the parlour waiting. She resisted me, but she wanted it as badly as I +did, and sticking her back against the partition close to the door, so +that we could catch the first sound of any one coming downstairs, we +fucked. My God what a rapid fuck it was, but what enjoyment! it was the +old trick again of but a very few years before in mother's house. Mother +still lived there. + +This we did several mornings, then I lost even that opportunity, after +being nearly caught in the act, and with prick throbbing to let out +its sperm, I had barely time to subside into a chair, and take up a +newspaper. That so scared Mary that she would not come up again when I +dropped a penny out of the window. + +Then she asked to go out to buy some things, which being granted, again +we spent a jolly hour or so at the baudy house in E.. t. r street. That +night I sat her on my prick, and did her in the cab, I never did so to +her but once. I put her up to asking to go to the post-office with a +letter, it was at about five minutes walk from our house. Close by was +a lane leading to large vegetable market-gardens, and there we took our +pleasure, and were nearly caught at it by a man passing by. I went home +first, and when the door was opened was answered, "The girl has gone to +the post-office, she must have gone somewhere else, for she has been a +long time." Then in came Mary. "Where have you been such a long time? +Your Mistress says you have been half an hour." She got a scolding, and +the Mistress went up to bed. I told Mary to come into the garden, it was +a dark night and cloudy, and half-way down the garden I put into her, +up against the wall, then she went in, and upstairs to bed. I followed +soon, and said, "What keeps that girl up so? I have been walking in the +garden, and she has only just gone upstairs." "She ought to have come up +directly I did," said the other. I locked all the doors of the house at +night, and was the last up. + +Several other risky incidents occurred in a few weeks, and then from +some suspicion I imagine, I never got a chance of having her. When I +came down to break-fast the girl was rang for to go upstairs, going out +was refused her, she was told in the middle of the day, "If you have any +letter to post, go out now, you can't go out this evening." The Mistress +seemed to stay a shorter time even in the privy than usual, and often on +some pretext sent the girl upstairs or somewhere just before she went to +the poopery. I was evidently suspected. + +One day she did not. No sooner had she gone out of the back-door than I +called up Mary. "Let's do it." "I will." "I don't care if she does catch +us," said I furiously, "lean forward, look out into the garden, I will +do it dog-fashion." There was a lowish-backed easy-chair which I usually +sat in by the breakfast-table, up against which I pushed it. Anyone +stooping over it, and looking could just see through the window the head +of any one coming away from the privy. My impetuousity prevailed, I +threw up her clothes over her backside, and plugging her cunt, was soon +in ecstacies, Mary in a funk, submitting, and with me looking whilst we +fucked, out of the window for her Mistress' head, which as I have said, +we could not fail to see. But our pleasure came on, and in our joint +delight we only thought of the lubricity of our position. "Look out +darling." "Yes--I am." "Oh!--a--h!--are." "You're loo--k--look--ing?" +"Yes--oh!--ah I--be--qu--quick,--ah!--a--h!" I had spent, my belly +was still squeezed up against her bum, my prick still up her, my hands +rubbing her flesh, when I heard a footstep at the back-door. To pull +out my prick, drop my dressing-gown over it, let fall the clothes over +Mary's posteriors was the work of an instant. Rushing towards the door +I met her Mistress just as she entered it. Passing her I rushed out +towards the privy saying, as if ready to shit myself, "What a time you +have been there. I thought you were going to stay there all day." It had +been raining, the ground was wet, and just inside the back-door she had +paused to wipe her feet on the mat. Had she not done so she would +have caught us in the posture, for we had both spent, and lost all +consciousness for the minute, I was dreaming leaning over Mary when I +heard the feet rubbing on the doormat. + +I stopped a sufficient time at the privy to show that I really wanted to +go there. When I went back to the house I found Mary had fainted right +off in the parlour, and dropped a tray. The shock of fear at being +caught had been too much for her nerves, and she rolled on the floor +showing her legs. My wife jealously told me to leave. I did, but in a +funk for I saw on one of her stockings unmistakeable stains of spunk +mixed with poorliness. + +We talked over it afterwards, wondering if it had been noticed; but I +never knew. Mary recovered and got up just as I went out of the room. +Her Mistress afterwards remarked that she was a fine-made, but coarse, +strong woman, she called all stout, well-filled women coarse. + +Her Mistress asked her what she had bought the day she had gone out +shopping, and she showed her some things, which most unfortunately she +had shown before, then her Mistress said it had been merely a pretext +to get out. She told me of it, and when Mary's regular holiday came she +refused to let her go. Mary insisted, there were words, I was consulted, +and said she ought to be allowed to go. "You always take a servant's +part." "It's a lie," said I. "and I won't come home till time to go to +bed." "I shall be alone in the house then.". "Serve you right"--and off +I went. Mary met me an hour or two after the proper time whilst I kept +anxiously waiting and fuming, either under the portico of the lyceum, +or about there. Then we spent the rest of the afternoon and evening in +voluptuous delight. + +I kept out for an hour after Mary's return that night, and had a row for +the Mistress was sitting up. Next day I had a latch-key put on the +door, and told her she need not sit up, then went home at three in the +morning, and found her sitting up. Then I told her if she did that again +I would stop out all night. Again she sat up awaiting me, so I went off +and did not go home till the next night. That settled it. + + +"I'm in the family way," said Mary with a sigh. "My God are you?--how +unfortunate!--are you sure?" "Yes, I knew I should be." "What is to +be done?" "What I have done before." "You have been in the family way +then?" "Yes twice, he wanted me to have the child, but I would not +unless I were married." + +Mary took medicine and was ill, another monthly holiday came, and was +spent at the house. A few days afterwards Mary was looking blank. Her +Mistress told me she had dismissed her. "Why?" I asked. "She was no +good, and not a good servant." Mary was sacked at the end of the week, +I could not of course interfere without injuring the poor woman, and +implicating myself,--no good to either of us. + +So soon as she had left our house I was told all that Mary had told me +of herself, the Mistress evidently feared that Mary might seduce me, or +go astray somehow. That is what the poor girl got for telling her true +history to her. Said she also, "She has been taking strong medicine, and +I believe it was to bring on her courses." She knew they had stopped. +Her sister had advised her not to keep a female in the house who had +diamond rings, a gold watch and chain, and silk dresses. It was evident +to me that the poor girl's history had been told to more than one +person. + +Mary broken-hearted took lodgings in a cottage close by, and did +needle-work. "Nothing," said she, "shall make me go to service again, I +only did it to please him, hoping he would come back to me, but I hate +service, and don't care what becomes of me." She was always at home. I +visited her regularly for two or three months, giving her what little +money I could, but she was reckless and would spend money in comfort, +though not in show. She came out with me not in her silk dresses, but +her plainest ones, and little by little pawned her dresses, rings, and +all her finery. Then she worked harder and harder, besought me to give +her just enough to keep her, however humbly, for go to service she would +not again. Again she got with child. + +All this time of course our fucking was regular, but although I liked +her, and more than liked her, I never had a strong affection for her. +When her money-was gone, and she was poor in clothes, she was still +cheerful. I gave what I could, but could with difficulty keep out of +debt, and insisted on her going to service. "Then we shall never see +each other," said she, and begged me to go on, allowing a trifle; I +did so, being content with her, never finding her out, never having a +suspicion of her having another man, and feeling much anxiety about her. + +But none of my money was my own, and what use as a beggar could I be to +her?--so yielding to my solicitations at last she again went to service +at a short distance from my house. Then I found out a convenient +house close by, she got out as often as she could, and we had stealthy +meetings and pokings in a hurry. The old lady and her middle-aged son +with whom she lived liked her, and indulged her; so we often got two or +three hours together, yet the difficulty of meeting became irksome, she +got restless, would go as a bar-maid (she understood the business), +go to America, go anywhere so as to get away from service. Then +circumstances prevented my meeting her for two or three weeks; when I +did again she reproached me, and hoped I had not got any one else. + +Soon after she told me her sister was in the family way, having been +seduced by the young man who was to have married her, I saw the letter +describing this. "I am glad of it," said Mary, "for she was hard on +me." The sister came to town, I wanted to see her, but Mary would never +arrange it, though I saw her letters frequently. Then I made one or +two appointments with Mary which were not kept, went to the house one +evening, and whilst Mary was whispering to me at the street door, her +Master appeared, and asked who I was. Mary said I was her cousin. +Then he ordered her in-doors, saying they did not allow their servants +callers. + +Then her Mistress began to treat her harshly; and we thought some of my +letters had been intercepted. I was obliged to go abroad for a time, and +wrote to tell her. On my return I found letter after letter from her at +the post-office. She was about to leave, wanted my advice, would I allow +her ten shillings a week, she would make it do; be faithful to me, and +live close by me; go to service again she would not, she would sooner go +on the streets, her sister had done so. Again an upbraiding letter,--she +never thought I would have neglected her so, I who was so kind and +affectionate, I whom she loved so much,--if I did not reply it was the +last I would hear of her. + +I dressed myself up shabbily, and at dusk went to the place she lived +at. The Master opened the door but did not know me again. She had left, +had gone he knew not where. "Why?" did I ask. Then I tried all possible +places, but I never heard of her for years, and greatly feared she had +gone gay; but although I haunted gay places to find her, I never saw her +there. + +Some seven years afterwards I met her. She had gone to service again, +and had written to tell me where. I never had that letter. There was +again a bachelor son in the house, who made advances to her, and finally +kept her. Meanwhile I had moved my residence, and oddly enough opposite +to the house in which her protector had lived for many years with his +mother. Mary actually knew everything about my domestic affairs almost +as well as if she had lived opposite to me herself, for my neighbours +knew a good deal about me. He kept her at a nice little house some miles +off. + +It was opposite the National Gallery that we met in the dusk of the +evening. I went to J... s' street with her, and to bed, and fucked her +with rapture till I brought on her poorliness in floods. + +Her protector had just married, parted with her, and given her +money. She was going home to her native place,--what to do I don't +recollect,--she was still lovely, although somewhat broken. I never saw +her after that night. About five years afterwards she wrote to say she +was badly off, would I send her a trifle. I sent her two pounds, she +thanked me in a letter, and said in it, that she often cried when she +thought of me, and past time,--and I never heard of her afterwards. + +I could tell a lot more about my doings with this lovely creature, for +everything connected with her is as fresh in my memory as possible; but +must go back to that time when coming back to England I found she had +left her last situation, and I could not find her whereabouts. + +But I must add something which was omitted when I abbreviated the +manuscript for printing. I revelled as said in the smell of a nice +woman; with the poor cheap women I had for some time had, their smell +offended me, I avoided kissing them even, why I can't say. With Mary +this delight returned, her aroma overpowered me, and added to my +voluptuous delight in her embraces. On every possible opportunity I +used to lift her petticoats, and smell her flesh, it intoxicated me, and +instantly made me wild with lewdness. + + +FINIS, VOLUME TWO + + + + + +VOLUME THREE + + + +CONTENTS: + + +CHAPTER I.--Straightened circumstances.--Promiscuous whorings.--The +garden privies.--Our neighbor's daughters.--Effects of a hard +turd.--Masturbation.--Bum-trumpeting.--Seeing and hearing too much.--A +pock-marked strumpet.--A neighbour's servant.--Don't wet inside.---On +the road home.--Cheap amusements.--Bargains.--Watching brothels.--Cunt +in the open. Clapped again.--French letters, and effects.--Income +improved.--Piddle in the bye-streets.--An uprighter.--My pencil-case.--A +female bilker.--A savage frig.--A silk dress soiled. + +CHAPTER II.--Preliminary remarks.--A dress-lodger.--Lucy.--Sweet +seventeen.--An impudent demand.--A row.--The bawd.--My watch +requisitioned.--Exit barred.--Bill.--Funking.--Determination.--The +poker and window.--Vici.--Apologies.--A cautious retreat.--My +revenge.--Lucy scared away.--Brighton Bessie.--Washing by +fire-light.--Friendly intimacy.--The house in B..w Street.--Lascivious +evenings. + +CHAPTER III.--A change in taste.--A small cunt longed for.--Hunting +in the Strand.--Yellow-haired Kitty.--Her little companion.--Oh! +you foule.--The house in E.. t. r Street.--Double +fees.--Kitty's pleasure.--Objections to washing.--Have the other +gal.--Cleanliness.--Home occupations.--I ain't gay.--Kitty's males. + +CHAPTER IV.--Little Pol consents.--Arsy-versy.--Broached, and howling. +--Kitty's vocalization.--A cheap virginity.--Two hours after.--Love's +money lost.--The street-gully.--Kitty pleases. Pol tires.--Kitty's +habits.--Friendliness and frankness.--Sausage rolls.--Confessions of +lust. + +CHAPTER V.--Kitty's antecedents.--The fishmonger's.--Jim the shopman. +--Betty the maid.--Females in bed.--Mutual curiosity.--Letchery and +frigging.--Educated in coition.--Against the kitchen-wall.--Jim in +bed.--Betty's cunt washed out.--A look in the basin.--Cousin Grace, +and cousin Bob.--Bob on the spree.--A scuffle.--Topsy-turvy. +--Arsy-versy.--Bob's semen.--A masturbating duet.--Caught in the +act.--Kicked out. + +CHAPTER VI.--Sausage-rolls, and consequences.--Kitty's home.--The +little ones.--A saucy cabman.--Catamenia.--Fucking economies.--Changing +money.--Pol and the bargee.--Kit implicated.--A black eye and +bruised rump.--A little boy's cock.--Preparation for travel.--Kit's +regret.--Bessie in tears.--Amusements abroad.--Home again.--Kitty a +strumpet.--An evening at B.. w Street.--Kitty's eight months doings. + +CHAPTER VII.--Brighton Bessie.--Change irresistable.--Bessie +in quod.--Lewd effects.--Spooning.--Her home.--Her +cabman.--Reflexions.--Two years after.--Five years later on.--The +mouse's promenade.--Bessie disappears. + +CHAPTER VIII.--Washerwomen.--Matilda and Esther.--A peep over a wall.--4 +Eaves dropping.--A girl's wants.--Shaking a tooleywag.--A promenade by +a barrow.--Disclosures.--A snatch and a scuffle.--An assignation. + +CHAPTER IX.--Returning home.--In the churchyard.--Two female +laborers.--Among the tombs.--A sudden piss.--An arse on the weeds.--Torn +trowsers and a turd.--In front of the public house. + +CHAPTER X.--The washerwoman's lane.--An intention frustrated.--A slap on +the face.--Choice language and temper.--A dinner in the Haymarket.--The +rocking-chair.--A lucky shove.--Up, and out in a second.--A quarrel, and +flight.--An enticing laugh.--The house in O...d.n Street. + +CHAPTER XL--Esther meets me.--Vaux-hall.--Ex-harlot Sarah.--Esther +succumbs.--Big-arsed and bandy-legged.--Periodic fucking.--Matilda +invincible.--I part with Esther.--Her fortune. + +CHAPTER XII.--Preliminary.--My taste for beauty of form.--Sarah +Mavis.--Midday in the Quadrant.--No. 13 J..s Street.--A bargain in +the hall.--A woman with a will.--Fears about my size. +Muck.--Cold-blooded.--Tyranny.--My temper.--Submission.--A revolt.--A +half-gay lady.--Sarah watches me.--A quarrel.--Reconciliation. + +CHAPTER XIII.--Sarah's complaisance.--Mistress Hannah.--About +Sarah.--Sexual indifference.--After dinner.--Stark naked at last.--Her +form.--The scar.--Hannah's friendship.--The baudy house +parlour.--The Guardsman.--Sarah's greed.--A change in her manner.--A +miscarriage.--Going abroad.--I am madly in love.--Sarah's history. + +CHAPTER XIV.--Poses plastiques.--Sarah departs.--My despair.--Hannah's +comfort.--Foolscap and masturbation.--Cheap cunt.--A mulatto.--The +baudy house accounts.--Concerning Sarah.--The parlour.--The gay ladies +there.--My virtue.--Louisa Fisher.--A show of legs.--The consequence on +me.--Effect on Mrs. Z. + +CHAPTER XV.--Louisa Fisher.--Chaffing.--Her form and fucking.--A +supper in bed.--A lascivious night.--Meeting +afterwards.--Hannah's legs.--Intruders in the bed-room.--Louisa's +voluptuousness.--Enciente.--Her husband.--Her gentleman friend.--About +herself.--Illness.--Mrs. A. + +CHAPTER XVI.--A friend's maid-servant.--Jenny.--Initial familiarity.--A +bum pinched.--Jenny communicative.--Her young man.--An attempt, a +failure, a faint, a look and a sniff.--Restoratives. + +CHAPTER XVII.--When are women most lewd.--Garters, money and +promises.----About my servant.--The neckerchief. Armpits felt.--Warm +hints.--Lewd suggestions.--Baudy language.--Tickling.--Fanny +Hill.--Garters tried.--Red fingers.--Struggle, and escape.--Locked +out.--I leave.--Baudy predictions, and verification.233 + +CHAPTER XVIII.--Fanny Hill sent to Jenny.--My next visit.--Thunder, +lightning, sherry, and lust.--A chase round a table.--The money +takes.--Tickling and micturating.--A search for Fanny Hill.--A chase +up the stairs.--In the bed-room.--Thunder, funk, and +lewdness.--Intimidation and coaxing.--Over and under.--A rapid +spender.--Virginity doubtful.--Fears, tears, and fucking. + +CHAPTER XIX.--My soiled shirt.--Jenny's account of herself.--Fucking +and funking.--Poor John!--Of her pudenda.--Its sensitiveness.--Erotic +chat.--Startled by a caller.--Her married sister's unsatisfied +cunt.--How she prevented having children.--Doubts her husbands +fidelity.--Jenny taught the use of a French letter.--Hickery-pickery and +catamenial irregularities. + +CHAPTER XX.--A Saturday afternoon.--Copulation interrupted.--Retreat +cut off.--Under the bed.--Enter sister.--The new dress.--Heat +and sweat.--Undressing.--Jenny's anxiety.--Sweating much, +and stripping.--Nature in its simplicity.--Nature in its +vulgarity.--Delicious peeps.--A cunt near my nose. Erotic +recklessness.--Fist-fucking. + +CHAPTER XXI.--Further undressing.--Slippers wanted.--Toilet +operations.--The effects of hash and beer.--A windy escape.--Feeling for +the pot.--Sisters exeunt.--A crushed hat, and soiled trowsers.--A narrow +escape.--My benevolent intentions towards Jenny's sister. + +CHAPTER XXII.--The Sunday following.--Chaste calculations.--The sister +alone.--My embarrassment.--Ale fetched.--Warm conversation.--Stiffening. +--Bolder talk.--An exhibition of masculinity.--A golden promise.--Lust +creeping.--Baudy dalliance.--Cock and cunt in conjunction. + +CHAPTER XXIII.--Jenny's bed-room.--The money hidden.--On the bed.--Fears +of maternity.--Inspection of sex.--The use of a husband.--Another +Sunday.--Regrets and refusals.--Resistance overcome.--Jenny's +ignorance.--Her Master returns.--Difficulty in getting at Jenny.--Her +sister waylaid.--Against a fence.--Jenny's marriage, and rise in life. + + + + + +CHAPTER I. + + Straightened circumstances.--Promiscuous whorings.--The + garden privies.--Our neighbour's daughters.--Effects of a + hard turd.--Masturbation.--Bum-trumpeting.--Seeing and + hearing too much.--A pock-marked strumpet.--A neighbour's + servant.--Don't wet inside.--On the road home.--Cheap + amusements.--Bargains.--Watching brothels.--Cunt in the + open.--Clapped again.--French letters, and effects.--Income + improved.--Piddle in the bye-streets.--An uprighter.--My + pencil-case.--A female bilker.--A savage frig.--A silk dress + soiled. + +I felt such a void, that I came to the conclusion that I had fondly +loved Mary, and missed greatly her kind, sympathetic association. For +a long time I could think of nothing but her, even when I fucked other +women, and got so miserable about her, that I rushed into indiscriminate +cheap whoring again. I had still not money for the best class of women, +and did not like baudy houses; but there was no help for it, and so +whoring I went, and largely in the Strand, for at that time in E..t.r +and C. t...e Streets there were many and nice brothels at all prices. + +But I for some time abstained from women, and had wet dreams. My mind +ran constantly on Mary, and when I saw a nice girl, used to wonder if +her cunt was like Mary's, and this specially of two girls about nineteen +and twenty years of age, daughters of one of our next-door neighbours. + +The privies of the houses in our terrace were built in pairs, the garden +wall divided them and partly the cess-pool which was common to the two. +I used to take pleasure in watching to see these girls go to the privy, +and although the idea of a female evacuating revolted me, yet used to +try to get to our privy when one of the girls went to theirs, and would +stand smoking just inside the passage by the back-steps of my house, +tip-toeing to catch a glance of their heads, and stopping myself from +bogging sometimes, so that I might get there at the same time. Directly +I saw a head off I followed quietly, and if the weather was quite still +we could hear footsteps in each other's gardens too well. + +The cess-pool had at the time I write of just been emptied, the turds +dropping and flopping down could be heard, it was not nice, but it did +not shock me. I liked to hear the girls' piddle splashing, and used to +push my prick back, and sit back on the seat, so that my piddle might +drop straight, and make much noise. It pleased me to hear the joint +rattle and splash we made if we pissed at the same time. I did this so +constantly, that I could tell which girl was there, for the piddle of +one always made twice as much splash as the other's. Up would stand my +prick, and often I could not piss for its stiffness, directly I heard +the girls splashing. + +One day I had a hardish motion, and was randy that morning almost to +pain. One of the girls was there. I strained, my cock got stiff, and +began to throb violently, and shot out its spunk as I strained. I +went back to the house, and just entering it saw the other daughter +go towards the privy. Back I went and sitting down frigged myself as I +heard her evacuations drop, so randy and charged with sperm was I. + +After that I occasionally frigged myself at the privy, and used to +picture to myself the girls sitting there, their clothes up round +their rumps, and slightly up in front showing their limbs, and piddle +squirting, but I always thought of both girls as having cunts like +Mary's. After a time we knew a little of the girls, and when talking to +them I used to think of the same thing. The idea used to fascinate me, +and they used to say (I am told), that I was a strange man, for I always +stared at them as if I had never seen a woman before. They little knew +what was in my mind when I was staring. + +Just after the emptying I could not only see their wax as it fell to the +bottom, but the paper with which they wiped their bums, and could hear +them fart. Sometimes the two came together. One day by a sudden whim +I let a fart as loud as I could, and heard a suppressed titter, they I +think never knew I could hear, for usually I tried to be as silent as +possible. I never coughed when there, and used to pull open my arse-hole +to lessen the noise of my trumpet, and singular as it may seem did this +out of a feeling of delicacy. Soon the cess-pool was half-filled, with +water, and I could only indistinctly hear. Then I grew tired of the +game, and again let off my sperm up cunts instead of spilling it on the +privy-floor, for sorrow always came over me as I saw it on the floor. A +few months after this I took a dislike to the girls through thinking of +what I had seen and heard of them, it seemed to shock my sentiment of +the beauty and delicacy of a woman. + +A confused number of random whorings and miscellaneous fuckings took +place about this time, I cannot tell to a month or two, but it began +directly after Mary had gone. I tell of one or two of them. + +At the back of the Lowther Arcade one night I took a poor little girl +seemingly about sixteen years old to a house. She had a nice but thin +form, and was as white as driven snow. When I had had her, I wanted to +see her face more clearly, but she held a handkerchief to it, and half +turned it away from the light, her privates she allowed to be inspected +as I liked. + +She was marked badly with the small-pox, and was nevertheless handsome, +but with that sad expression which the pock-marks often give. Gents did +not like it, she said. It was a dreadfully sloppy, snowy night. "Don't +go yet", said she, "it is so warm here." So I sat a while feeling her +quim and talking. "Do me again, I want it now, I did not when you did +it before." So we fucked again. "Do I please you?" said the girl putting +her hand to my face. "Yes my dear." "Will you see me again?--do." I was +always careful about promising that, and hesitated; but at length said +yes. Again I rose to go, again the girl asked me to stay, it was so +warm. "Pay the woman again and say you are going to stay till ten +o'clock." There was such simplicity about her that I consented. The woman +put coals on the fire, and we sat by it warming ourselves. + +After a time she said, "I don't think you like me." "Why?" "Because you +don't feel me about." I laughed, and said I had been feeling her. Time +ran on. "Won't you do it again?" "I can't dear." "Let me try to make you." +"You may, but I can't." She came to me, knelt down, played funnily, +but awkwardly with my cock till it stiffened, and again we fucked. +"You won't see me again, though you say you will." "Why not?" asked I +wondering at her sad manner. "They all say they will, but they never +do,--it's the small-pox marks they can't bear, I know it is,--I'm tired +of this life." Then suddenly she laughed and said she was only joking. + +I never did see her again. Such a young, white-fleshed girl, and so fond +of the cock, or else she had had but little of it, I have rarely met +with. She said she had only been out two months. "The other girls tell +me what to do with men, and the old woman where I live tells me; but I +always does what a gentleman asks me, I can't do more, can I?" said she. +"Other gals say they have regular friends, I haven't." I shall never +forget that poor little girl. + +On a cold evening a week or two after this, I saw a shortish, dark-eyed +girl going along the Strand. She walked slowly, and looked in at almost +every shop. I could not make up my mind if she were gay or not. She was +warmly wrapped up, her style that of a well-to-do servant. I passed and +repassed her, looked her in the face; her eyes met mine and dropped, +then she stopped and looked round several times after unmistakeable +gay women as they passed her, then went on again. Opposite the Adelphi +she paused and looked at the theatre for a long time, a gentleman spoke +to her, and seemed to importune her, she took no notice of him, and he +left her. After walking on for a minute quickly she loitered and looked +in the shops again. + +Near Exeter Hall my cock which was in want of relief giving me +impudence, and liking her looks I spoke to her about the things in the +windows. At first I got no reply, and she walked on. "Come with me, and +I'll give you a sovereign." "You can buy it then." What it was I don't +recollect. She seemed uneasy and wavering, yet made no reply. I repeated +my offer (it was just then money beyond my means, but I had hot desire +on me). She looked up the street in both directions, and asked, "Will +it be far?" I took her at the instant for a sly gay one. "You know I am +sure, it's close bye." "It's getting late, I'm in a hurry." Looking both +ways quickly and uneasily she placed her arm in mine, and hanging her +head down pressed close to me. We walked quickly, and soon were in a +snug room in a house at the back of Exeter Hall. + +"This is not a public-house", said she looking round. "No, but you can +have a drink if you like." "A little warm brandy and water then." I +ordered it. "Take off your bonnet and cloak." She hesitated. "Tell me +the exact time." I did, and then she took them off, sat down, and soon +sipped brandy and water looking at me. Thought I, "You must be a servant +after all." + +I began to caress her, and got my hand on her thighs asking her to come +to the bed. "I must go soon, let me go soon." "I will, but let me see +your legs, and feel them." She let me pull the clothes up to her knees, +then pushed away my hand but I thrust one up, and just felt the cunt. +She gave me a shove, and nearly pushed me over, for I had dropped on to +my knees, a favorite attitude of mine at such times. + +Savagely I got up. "Don't be a fool; if you mean to let me do it come +to the bed." She hesitated. "Give me the money first." "Oh!" thought +I, "she is a whore diseased, and a bilk," so I refused. "You really will +give it to me, won't you?" "Of course, but I'm not to be done that way." +Then I got her on to the bed, and threw up her clothes. She resisted. +"What do you take me for?" "Why a whore", said I savagely. It was a word +I rarely used _of_ a woman, still rarer _to_ a woman. She pushed my hand +angrily away and sat up. + +"I am not, and wish I had not come here, and would not, only I want +money for my poor mother, I thought you a gentleman,--I'm not the sort +of a woman you say, I'm a servant, I am indeed." "Well if you are, you +have been fucked." "That's neither here nor there, but I'm not what you +call me",--and she pouted. "Lay down dear,--let's fuck if you mean it, +if not let's go,--let me feel you, and you feel me." I pulled her back +on to the bed, laying down by the side of her, and put my prick into +her hand. It was persuasive, for soon I was having that delicious rub, +probe, and twiddle. Then I got a sight of all but the cunt itself, the +inspection of that she resisted. A fine pair of limbs, a fat backside, +lots of hair on her split I could feel. My friction told, she began +grasping my prick like a vise,--she was going to spend. + +Nice to her that, but I wanted my pleasure. Again I got savage. At +length quietly, and feeling my prick all the time she said, "Promise me +something." "What?" "Don't you wet inside if I let you." I promised, +and turning on to her belly fucked her, and forgot my promise, even if +I ever meant to keep it. We were soon near the crisis. +"Don't--now,--oh!--wet." + +"No dear." "T--aake--care." "I'll pull it out just as it comes dear." +"Don't--we--wet, oh!--ah!--wet", she gasped out as clutching her arse my +prick went fiercely up her, and spent every drop against her womb-tube, +my spend made doubly pleasurable, because she did not wish it in her +cunt. + +Said she with a long-drawn sigh, "You've done it all inside,--you should +not." "I could not help it, you are so charming, I could not pull it +out and make your clothes or bum wet", said I ramming on, and keeping my +prick tight up her lubricated cunt, "Let me get up." "Not yet." "Oh! +do, I'm in a hurry." "Lay still dear." "No, I'm in such a hurry,--what +o'clock is it?--do tell me what o'clock it is,--it will make me lose my +place if I'm very late." + +I uncunted, told her the time, and she washed her cunt. "Let us do it +again." She was wanting it. "I've such a long way to go." "Where?" She +told me, and it was on my way home. "I will take you home in a cab." On +the bed she got, I overcame her scruples, kissed her knees, her thighs, +all the way up to her cunt. The thighs opened widely, a second's +inspection of a cunt at that time of my life made me think of immediate +pleasure, and after promising not to wet in her again, she reminding me +of that, till she lost all care or heed in her pleasures. I spent up her +as before. + +We went home in a cab, and felt each other all the way, she said she +was keeping her mother who was poor, she feared dying. At the end of the +road she got out begging me not to follow her. I did not, and never saw +her again. She had hazel eyes, spoke with a country accent, and I quite +believe was a servant. + +Although soon after this a little better off, I had difficulty in +keeping out of debt, and the cost of amatory amusements prevented my +having women as often as I otherwise should have done. I used to try the +cheap women at times, and often successfully. Would walk backwards and +forwards between Temple-Bar and Charing Cross for hours, looking at the +women, thinking which I should like, and whether I could afford one. +Sometimes I would follow the same woman, stop when she stopped if a man +spoke to her, cross over, and wait till she moved off by herself, or if +with the man, would follow them to a brothel, return to watch for her +coming out, and wait 'till she did so. This pleased me much. + +Then I began to feel women in the streets; they frequently came out +of the E.. t. r Street-houses, and round by the side-entrance to +Exeter-Hall. That end of the street then was all but dark. + +Stopping a woman. This was a frequent dialogue. "A nice night dear." +"Yes." "Been taking a walk?" "Yes." "Been to piddle?" "Yes." They +usually when I knew they had come out of a house, said they had been to +piddle if I asked them. "A shilling to feel your cunt." "All right, give +it me." With the left hand I gave the shilling with the right I fingered +their quims. "Open your legs dear,--a little wider,--let me feel +up,--have you been fucked to-night?" "No." It was always no. I delighted +in hearing them tell that lie. "Come with me." "How much?" "Give me a +sovereign." "No." "Ten shillings then." "I can't afford more than five +shillings." "No, not for that"; but they more often said yes. Sometimes +I went with them, more frequently not. The lesson I learned was that +most woman denied that they had fucked more recently than the day +before, (it was always the day before), and that a little bargaining +reduced the price of their pleasures. + +If intending to have a poke I waited for a girl known by sight, and then +often could not find her, then I saw those so dressed that I could not +offer them a small sum. On other nights I went up to the girl with the +fattest legs, and made advances. In this way I shagged many of all sorts +and sizes, many of them poor creatures, others plump, fine, strong, +healthy women, whom I was surprised took the small sum for their +professional exertions. The end of this promiscuity was that again I +took the clap, which laid me up some weeks, and made it again needful to +open my piss-pipe by surgical tubes. + +Then I was timid, used French letters, and took to carrying them in my +purse again, but always hated them. Often my cock stiff as a boring-iron +would shrink directly the wet gut touched it, and compelled me to frig +up to near the crisis before I could insert it in the skin. Sometimes it +would not stiffen completely till up the women. I used to drop my tool +in a state of partial rigidity into the letter, then thumb it slowly up +the lady's orifice; then the warmth, the clip, the buttocks wagging, and +the look at the belly and thighs between which I was working brought +it to the proper stiffness. I usually had the ladies at the side of the +bed, when wearing these cundums. + +Sometimes my passions overcame my prudence, and a fair lady for her +favors got her price. Then I was filled with regrets, and had to content +myself with a feel for some time, or wait days till I could afford the +full gratification of my senses with another woman, because I had not +the money. Then I fell again on my five shilling offers. About this +cunt-feeling there was something very peculiar in me: unless I liked the +look of the woman I did not like to feel up her cunt, and after I had +been groping used to spit on my fingers, and rub them dry, and the smell +off of them on to my handkerchief. + +Some little time after my clap however I came into a better income +through the death of a relative. It was small, but made a difference +to me of great importance. I spent it all on myself, that is to say on +cunt, and although some of my country relatives must have known I had +come into the property, those most interested in knowing it I believe +never did. I now longed for nice women whom I could talk and spend the +money with. The rapid business-like fucking in the baudy houses was +not to my taste, I had scarcely gone to the Argyle Rooms, then not many +years opened, for fear that my taste for nicety of manner and something +more than mere cunt might lead me into an expenditure still far beyond +my means. + +It used to wound my pride to hear a woman jeer at my offer, or say, +"What the devil do you take me for", or walk away wagging her rump with +offended dignity when she heard five shillings named, or say she would +frig me for the money. Now I could offer more I was more happy in my +mind; but there are a few adventures to be told before the time when an +easier pocket enabled me to have better female companions. + +The angle of the street named as leading out of the Strand was dark of +a night and a favorite place for doxies to go to relieve their bladders. +The police took no notice of such trifles, provided it was not done in +the greater thoroughfares (although I have seen at night women do it +openly in the gutters in the Strand), in the particular street I have +seen them pissing almost in rows, yet they mostly went in twos to do +that job, for a woman likes a screen, one usually standing up till the +other has finished, and then taking her turn. Indeed the pissing in all +bye-streets of the Strand was continuous, for although the population +of London was only half what it now is, the number of gay ladies seemed +double there. The theatre-side of the street from Trafalgar-Square to +Temple-Bar was nightly for some hours one large flock of them, and there +was not a street or court on the whole line named, and on both sides of +the Strand in which there was not a baudy house. I have been in a dozen. + +I used to prowl about to see the girls pissing, and when I had cheek +enough, stand and piss by the side of them. That delighted me much. +One night I saw two women go up a court, one directly squatted, and I +followed. When one had done I asked her to let me feel her. She did. +Randy but poor that night the feel of her wet cunt made me reckless. As +I gave her a shilling I remarked how I should like to have her, but that +I had but five shillings to give. + +"You won't have me for five shillings, but you will get some one who +will,--you have lots of cheek to offer it." "I am sorry, but I can't +help it if I have not more." Had I not ten shillings? No, only enough +for the room. All this time I was feeling her. Then her hand went +outside my trowsers, feeling at my cock. I slipped it out, she took it +in her hand. "Have you not been a long time in the Strand to-night?" +said she. I had, and wanted a woman, only I had so little money. I did +not know the form or face of this woman, for we were in the darkest +place, and the night was dark and cold, but I felt that she had a silk +dress on, lots of hair on her cunt, and a large arse. "You may do it +here for five shillings", said she. I had never done it in the open in +such a place, but consented. Groping in my pocket I found and gave the +money, and then she stepped away from me,--a bilk I thought. + +It was not so. She went up to the other woman who was standing at the +corner, and telling her to look out for the police, came back to me, +and again placing her back up against the wall, I fucked her. "Wasn't it +nice!" said she dropping her petticoats. And then we stood and talked. + +"Stand a drink", said she, "you've got some silver." I did not mind, and +was curious to see her. She called her friend, and all three went to a +public-house, the lady with all my emission in her cunt. I found she was +a full-grown woman of about thirty with dark hair, dark eyes, and with +a bold expression in them. We had mulled port-wine, then something else, +and stood drinking till all my money was gone. Her companion left us +saying she had not gained a farthing that night, and must do so. + +My woman then got pleasanter, and wanted more liquor, my money was gone, +but I had a pencil-case, and asked the bar-man if he would lend me a few +shillings on it. He did, and I then spent more on liquor, then we went +out together again into the cold street; she pissed, saying the cold and +the liquor had made her leaky. "I wish you would let me again", said I. +Well she would, and up against a wall again we fucked heartily. With my +spunk in her we walked together into the Strand. She said she would like +to see me again, but I never did. Whilst fucking her the second time she +shoved her tongue almost down my throat, and breathed so hard. I never +fucked a woman in the street who did so, either before or since. A few +nights after I got my pencil-case back from the beer-man. + +One night a nice, strong-built woman about thirty years of age +seemingly, took my five shillings, and went to a house with me. She was +dressed in black silk, neat but shabby. She sat down on a chair, and +pulling up her clothes rearranged both her garters, showing what I +expected, and what I had engaged her for; a pair of fat legs. Then down +went her clothes. I began feeling her, she pushed her bum back on +the chair, but her thighs and the hairy ornaments I could feel. I +was awfully randy, my prick was raging. "Let's feel _you_", said she. +Willingly I let her grasp it, then she moved her arse forward, and I had +the pleasure of just feeling a moist clitoris from which I was diverted +by a painful squeeze she gave my prick. She was squeezing no doubt to +see if I had any ailment. The effect of the squeeze, which made me call +out, was to make me mad with randiness. "Take off your things, and let +me do it." "Where is the five shillings?" I placed them in her hands, +she pocketed them, and got up. Lifting her petticoats I pressed her +towards the bed where she was standing when she had spoken, but she +pushed down her petticoats, and moved away. + +"Not likely I'm going to take off my things for five shillings", +said she as the money slipped down into her pocket, "give me fifteen +shillings more, and I will,--I'm a fine-built woman",--and she pulled +her clothes clean up to her waist, turned round like a tetotum, and +after showing both arse and belly, slow-ly dropped her clothes again. + +"Come to the side of the bed." "No I shan't, you've had a feel for five +shillings, give me fifteen shillings more, and I'll give you pleasure I +know,--I'll do all you want me." + +"I can't." "Then I can't." I had not a pound in my pocket, but if I had, +am sure indeed I should have given it to her, but I could not. "Give me +ten shillings, and I'll pay for the room then", said she. "I didn't know +what house I was at, but generally they asked at those places the price +of the room first. + +"Just as you like", though I was dying for a fuck. "Then I will go." "I +have paid you,--if you choose to bilk me I can't help it." "I don't want +to bilk you, but I never let a man have me for five shillings, and I +never will,--give me five shillings more." + +"Let me feel you, if you won't let me poke you." "You may do that." +Leaning her bum against the side of the bed, I began groping; she +complaisantly moving one leg up on to a chair, so as to open her thighs +well, got hold of my prick, and began frigging it. "Give me another +five shillings", said she coaxingly, and under the influence of the +masturbating process I gave it to her. She gave my penis the most +delicate titillation whilst I was searching in my pocket for the money, +but she would not let me after she had got the five shillings. She went +on frigging me, repeating that she never let any one have her unless she +had a pound given her. + +I was annoyed, and hated frigging. Here was a well-formed woman, a cunt +at hand, and yet I was to spunk out on to the floor, was being made a +fool of. Stopping I said, "You don't mean to let me, whatever I give +you." "Yes I do, for a sovereign." "Frig me then." She took my tool in +her hand, and frigged. "Let me spend against your cunt." "No." "Against +your thighs." "No." "Oh!--ah!" Finding it was coming she left off. +"Give me five shillings, and I will", said she, but I would not, began +frigging myself, and spite of her pushed one hand up on to her thighs, +and frigged away with the other. "Take care of my dress", said she. The +savage delight of doing what she wished me not, came over me. Turning +my prick I shot my sperm copiously over her silk dress, and finished +by flinging from my fingers what remained of it towards her face. +"You damned dirty beast, you did it on purpose." "Serve you right, you +cheating whore", said I putting on my hat, and leaving her with a towel +wiping off my sperm, and cursing me as she did it. I don't know when I +felt so spiteful against a woman as I did against her. My discharge was +quick and copious, I saw it on her waist downwards. I have been bilked +before and since, but have mostly pardoned the woman, for sometimes I +have thought the poor things had their courses on, or some ailment or +deformity; but I still seem to hate this one. + +I may add that at the time these doings took place there were but three +theatres in the Strand. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + Preliminary remarks.--A dress-lodger.--Lucy.--Sweet + seventeen.--An impudent demand.--A row.--The bawd.--My watch + requisitioned.--Exit barred.--Bill.--Funking.-- + Determination.--The poker and window.--Vici.--Apologies.--A + cautious retreat.--My revenge.--Lucy scared away.--Brighton + Bessie.--Washing by fire-light.--Friendly intimacy.--The + house in B.w Street.--Lascivious evenings. + +I have read through the two volumes in print. There are typographical +errors, the names of women and places are once or twice wrongly given +or spelt, but the context corrects that, and it matters not. What is +important is; that owing to the brevity with which some occurrences are +told, they almost seem improbable; this is the result of not printing my +narrative all through exactly as I wrote it. In the manuscript, items of +conversation, and numerous details of the behaviour of myself and female +partners in my amours, were written down just as they occurred, and +showed how the climax was reached; how little by little man and woman +inclined to each other, how one pressed, and the other yielded, how from +modest talk and chaste kisses our chastity gradually was lost, how by +touch and sighs and yielding to the swooning lust which coursed stronger +and stronger through our veins, our genitals inflamed, swollen, and +sweating, drove us to contact with each other, till the carnal coupling +ensued, and prick and cunt revelling and wallowing in each other's +juices, drowned both wants and senses in voluptuous oblivion. + +These details also gave studies of character, and specially of my own +character, and as I now read the narratives in print after the lapse of +so many years they seem to me to be needed to explain myself, even to +myself. It is too late. The manuscript is burnt, that printed in its +stead must be taken as truth or not, as scepticism or faith prevails in +the reader, if ever there be one but myself. + +Nor can I less abbreviate even now and in the future I fear, for the +full narrative would entail too much expense in printing, and prolong +the time of completion. Yet what pleasure I had in the wordy veracities +as I wrote them, childish, fantastic, ludicrous, as some of the doings +and sayings now seem! How unlike the doings of the couples in erotic +books which I since have read, books written with no other object but to +stimulate the passions,--no object that of mine in writing this. + +The narratives were written in the present tense, but in print have been +altered to the past, which gives them an air of a studied composition, +written as a man might write a novel; but the writing extended over well +nigh forty years, and barely a word has been altered, excepting those +due to omissions. + +There are however a few remarks added here and there to explain the +circumstances and connect the incidents; these are needful to explain +lapses of time, and to show the continuity of the history, for all the +amours were written separately; yet often I had two or three women in +hand at the same period. So in arranging them chronologically a few +additions and observations were needful to explain, and these are of +them. + + +One muddy night in the Strand there was an exceedingly well-dressed and +very short-petticoated (they all wore them then) girl of about seventeen +years of age; her legs especially pleased me, they were so plump and +neat, and her feet so well shod. After my offer had been accepted, +we went to a house in a court just by Drury-Lane Theatre, and to a +top-floor front-room very handsomely furnished. She lived there, and +was a dress-lodger as I found afterwards. She was beautifully clean, +had fine linen, and was no sham in any way; a fresh, strong, plump, +well-made young girl with lovely firm breasts, and a small quantity of +brown hair on her cunt. Cunt and breasts looked only seventeen years, +backside, thighs, arms, calves looked twenty. She stripped, and with but +one feel and a stretch of her pretty cunt-lips, and a moment's glance I +plugged her, and recollect now my enjoyment of her. Then I dressed, +and so did she. Though so young, she was a well trained whore, had much +pleased me by her freedom in manner, even to the way in which she washed +her cunt and pissed after her fuck. I was not with her I should say +twenty minutes if so long; my lust for her had been so strong. + +"What's this?" said she disdainfully as I gave her half-a-sovereign. +"What I promised you." "Oh! no you did not, I expect five pounds." I +expostulated. "Look at this room, look at my dress,--do you expect me to +let a man come here with me for ten shillings?" "Its all I promised, had +you refused I should not have come with you." Then I put on my hat, and +moved towards the door; she placed her back against it. "You don't go +out of here till you give me three sovereigns." It must be added that I +had paid for the room what appeared to me then a large sum. + +I was in for a row, had not as much as two pounds about me, and was +fearful of exposure, just then a row in a baudy house would have injured +me if known. + +I gave her ten shillings more, she took it, but refused to let me go, +she did not believe I had so little money,--I was a gentleman, let me +behave as such,--no I should not go till I gave her what she asked. I +tried to pull her from the door, but could not, then sat down on the +chair, saying that if I must wait, why so I must. + +She tried coaxing, I told her I was entitled to another fuck for +my other ten shillings. Well I might if I gave her another twenty +shillings. I put hands up her petticoats, and fingers up her quim, +thinking she was giving way,--but no. I had forgotten my fears in my +randiness which came on again by fumbling about her rump and cunt, and +pulled out my prick stiff again. She bent over me, and gave it two or +three frigs. That so excited me, that verily I believe I should have +given her the money if I had had it, for the pleasure of having her +again; but putting my hand into my trows-ers, found silver only to +something like a pound in value, and told her that. Then losing her +gentility she said, "I'm damned if you do go, you bugger, till you have +paid me properly." + +Fear of exposure came over me, but I hid it, and sitting down looked at +her as she stood against the door in her petticoats, her handsome limbs +showing bright in their silks, and her plump breasts just squeezing the +bubbies over the top of the stays. Laying hold of my tool I pulled it +out. "Stand there as long as you like, you look lovely,--as you won't +let me fuck you, I'll frig myself." Suiting the action to the word I +began fist-fucking, not meaning however to finish so. It was but chaff, +for indeed I was funky. + +She stood looking till I said, "I'm coming,--I'm spending,--lift up +your petticoats, and let me see your cunt." Then unlocking the door and +opening it quickly she bawled out, "Mrs. Smith, Mrs. Smith, come up, +here's a bilk, come up quickly." + +I was now near spending as may be guessed, but buttoning up, went +towards the door. She heard me, turned round, came in, shut the door, +and stood with her back to it till a woman came in; and then she told +her I had given her ten shillings. + +The woman was incensed, was I a gent? she was sure I was, why not pay +properly then?--a beautiful young girl like that,--just out,--look at +her shape, and her face,--she had written to a dozen gents who knew her +house, and they had all come to see this beauty,--all had given her five +pounds, some ten pounds, they were so delighted with her,--and much of +the same talk. The girl began to whimper, saying she never had been so +insulted in her life before. + +I told her that I had only promised ten shillings, but had given more; +that the girl was certainly beautiful, and the room elegant; but I was +poor, and would not have come at all had I known the cost. I had not the +money, and therefore could not pay. Then the bawd's tone changed. She +was not going to have the poor girl insulted in that manner, she knew +better about my means of paying, and I should not go till I paid more. + +We went on wrangling until the bawd said, "Well if you have not money +give us your watch and chain, we will pawn it, and give you the ticket, +and you can get it out of pawn." + +I had hidden my watch,--nearly always did so then when I went with +whores whom I did not know,--but saw in this a threat, and was getting +more funky, yet determined to resist whatever came of it; so said I had +no watch, and if I had, that I would see her damned first, before I gave +it up. "Oh! won't you", said she, "we will see if you won't,--we don't +allow a poor girl to be robbed by chaps like you in our house,--call up +Bill", said she to the girl. I saw that a bully was about to be let on +me, and my heart beat hard and fast; but give up my watch I made up my +mind I would not unless they murdered me. I had an undefined suspicion +that they would illtreat and rob me, and prepared for the worst,--my +pluck got up then. + +But fear of exposure was before me. "Look", said I, "I have no watch, +I have given her twenty shillings, here is every farthing I have about +me", and emptied my purse (there was but a shilling or two in it) +before them, and put all the money I had loose in my pocket on to the +chimney-piece. There was I think about seventeen shillings in all. +"Look it is every farthing I have,--you may have that you damned +thieves,--take it and let me go,--see my pockets are empty",--and I +turned them inside out. + +"You've got more", said she, "be a gent, give her three pounds, she +never has less,--look at her, poor thing!" The girl stood whimpering, +she and the woman stood with their backs to the door, I with my back to +the two windows of the room which looked out on to the public court; the +fire-place was between us, the foot of the bed towards it; the fire was +burning brightly, the room was quite light. There they stood, the +clean, fresh, wholesome-looking lass, and besides her a shortish, thick, +hooked-nosed, tawney-colored, evil-looking woman,--the bawd,--she looked +like a bilious Jewess. + +The woman kept repeating this, for a minute or two. I refused to give +any more, and grew collected. "Come now, what are you going to do?" said +the woman, "you are wasting all her evening." I took up half-a-crown +off the mantle-shelf, and pushing the rest along it, "I must keep this", +said I, "but take all the rest, I have no more,--I have no watch,--let +me go." The woman laughed sneeringly, and did not touch the money, +turned round, opened the door, and called out "Bill, Bill, come up." +"Halloh!" said a loud male voice from below. + +I turned round, and with a violent pull, tore aside the red +window-curtains, and throwing up the window, and putting my head +out beneath the white blind, I screamed out, +"Police!--police!--murder!--murder!--police!--police!" + +Beneath the very window stalked a policeman; heard me he must, the whole +alley must have heard me, but the policeman took no notice, and stalking +on turned round the corner out of sight. Then the fear came over me +that he was bribed, I feared they might be coming behind me, and turned +round; the woman was close to me, the girl at her back. "What are you +doing?" yelled the woman, "what are you kicking up a row for?--shut +the window,--go if you want, who is keeping you?--this is a respectable +house, this is." + +A tumult of ideas and fears rushed through my mind, I feared Bill was +close at hand, and pushing the woman back with one hand I seized the +poker with the right one. "Keep back, or I will smash you", said I +flourishing it, and again I shouted out, "Police!--police!" but not +with my head out of the window this time. + +The old woman backed and shut the door again, the young one came +forwards speaking in a hurried tone, the old one dropped her voice to +a whine; she did not want to keep me if I wanted to go. "Shut the +window,--let her shut it,--give the poor girl two pounds then, and go." +Her house was a respectable house, the police knew it, why did I come to +such a house if I had no money? The girl cried, I blustered, swore, and +all three were speaking at the same time for two or three minutes. + +"Let me go." "Who stops you?" said the old woman, "give me the money." +"Open the door, and go out first then." "I shan't", said the woman with +a snap and a look like a demon. I turned round, and with the poker made +a smash at the window. The curtains had swung, the white blind was down, +but I heard the glass shiver and crash, a shout of "Hulloh!" from some +one in the court. I raised the poker again against the looking-glass. +"Get out, or I'll smash this, and you, and everything else in the room", +striking a chair violently, and breaking it. I now did not care what +I did, but was determined to fight Bill, or any one else, and not be +robbed. + +The women were cowed, they cried out, Pray drop the poker,--they +meant no harm,--the girl always had three pounds at least,--if I would +not,--why I would not,--they never have had such a row in the house +before,--to have her twice, and give her ten shillings was shameful. "A +lie you bloody bawd, I have only had her once, and she has had twenty +shillings." "Well, there's a good gentleman, go, and don't make a noise +as you go downstairs,--look at her, poor thing, how you have frightened +her,--she will let you have her again, if you like,--won't you +Lucy?"--"well come along then, but don't make a row,--leave the poker, +--what do you want that for?" whined the woman. I would not relinquish +the poker, they should go out first. The woman went, the girl waited +behind to put on her frock. As she did so the little bitch lifted her +petticoats to her thighs, showed her cunt, jerked her belly, winked and +nodded her head in the direction of the old woman. I did not know nor +heed what she meant by her nod and wink. "Get out,--get on,--get out,--I +won't have you behind me." She made a farting noise with her mouth, and +dropping her clothes went out. I followed her, looked at the doors on +each landing as I passed, fearing some one might come out behind me, and +edged downstairs sideways, looking both up and down. One door slightly +opened and closed again; at the street-door the old woman said she was +so sorry, it was all a mistake, and hoped to see me again. My blood +was roused, I would have smashed woman or man who stood in my way, and +eyeing the girl said, "Look at me well, if you meet me in the Strand +again, cut away at once, get out of my sight, or I'll give you in +charge for annoying me, or robbing me, you bloody bitch, look out for +yourself." Then dropping the poker on the mat I went out, glad enough to +be away from the den. + +About a fortnight afterwards I saw the girl in the Strand, followed her +for a quarter of an hour, saw her speak to various men, saw that an old, +common, low servant followed her at a distance, occasionally stopping +to speak with her, and turning up a street for that purpose. There was +a fascination about looking at the girl; she was showily but handsomely +dressed, her legs looked lovely. I longed to fuck her again, but without +any intention of gratifying my lust, for I loathed her whilst lusting +for her. She turned up C. t...e Street, stood over the gutter and pissed +standing, the old woman talking to her and partly hiding her whilst +she emptied her bladder. I waited till she had done. It was only about +half-past nine o'clock. + +She came towards me thinking I wanted her. I moved back close to a lamp, +and raised my hat. "Look at me you damned whore, you attempted to rob me +the other night, go out of the Strand, or I'll tell the next policeman +you have picked my pocket." She turned on her heels and bolted without +uttering a word, the old woman after her, cursing. + +A month or two afterwards I saw her again, she was speaking to a group +of gay women. Said I, "That bitch attempted to rob me the other night at +------ Court." "It's a lie", said she, but again turned round, and ran +up a side-street as fast as she could. I don't recollect seeing her +afterwards. + +I often used to go and look at the house when that way, it was such a +needy-looking house outside with a narrow steep staircase starting close +to the street-door. No one would have imagined it was so handsomely +furnished inside (although I only saw the top-room). Two or three years +afterwards there was a row there, a man tumbled down the stairs (or +was pitched down), and was picked up dead. The owner of the house was +transported. I don't know if it was the same man who was called Bill, +but suspect it was, and that many a visitor had been bullied out of his +money in that house. + +One night about this time I saw a well-grown, stout woman who looked +four-and-twenty. "What a thigh she must have," thought I, "can I afford +her?" and I felt in my pocket. Ten shillings with the room besides was +too much for me that night. I passed her again looking her in the face, +and longing for her, until she knew me and smiled. She had a bright +laughing eye. Summoning courage I gave her a signal, and she followed me +up a bye-street. + +"I have only five shillings." "Lord! you do want it cheap,--make it ten +shillings." "I can't." "Well _I_ can't." "Three half-crowns, and then +with the room I shan't have a shilling in my pocket." I used to speak in +that frank way to them. She laughed. "You are an odd sort of chap,--well +come along,--what house are you going to take me to?" "Where you +like,--I don't know them." "Oh! yes you do," said she, "you know well +enough with that eye of yours." We turned into a house which we both +knew, not one of the most expensive. + +I was exceedingly pleased with her manner, and in her house still more +pleased with her face. Her eye was one of the merriest, she was bright, +and fresh-colored, yet the general color of her flesh was slightly +brown. Her plumpness made me so randy I could scarcely wait to feel or +look at her, I wanted to push on to the fullest pleasures at once. + +She eyed me pleasantly, and made some remark about the smallness of the +sum, which made me uncomfortable. She saw it, and laughing showed a set +of beautiful small white teeth. I gave her her money at once, and +then began preliminaries. The room I recollect well. There was a +large four-post bed, a large wire screen three feet high all round the +fire-place, like those in nurseries. The house-woman flattened the fire +down, and took away the poker,--to prevent the fire being stirred I +suppose. There was but one candle, and the room was dark, there was +scarcely gas in any of the houses in those days. + +I drew her to me, my hand roved about her bum, belly, and notch, I asked +her to undress, desire increasing by the feel of her thighs made me +inquisitive. She would not undress, was in a hurry, some other night +perhaps, not now. Impatient so that I might begin, I placed her on the +edge of the bed, putting a chair for one of her feet. She lifted up her +clothes freely, and I saw her cunt. + +It was surrounded, though not in great quantity, with fine chestnut +brown, soft, thick hair, her thighs were large, round, fat, and firm, +the split looked small, was small outside, and I found it to be small +inside as well. A large bum squeezed together by the position in which +she was lying closed up almost the cuntal opening, so that just where +the prick must intrude itself, the hole could scarcely be seen, her +flesh had the slightly brown tint of her face. How is it that at a +glance all this was seen, and remembered ever since? What fascination a +cunt has! Strange that a mere gap close to an arse-hole should have such +power. + +In admiration of her cunt and its surroundings I held a candle for a +moment between her thighs. "Hold your quim open,--do,--do." Her hand +came down, the fore and middle-finger went on either side of the split, +and distended the lips, showed the red lining, a clitoris, small, and +nice-looking, and small nymphae sloping down to the narrow carmine +darkness, closing up gradually and tightly between her bum-cheeks, +squeezed up and closed by the weight of her body pressing up her bum the +bed. + +"I can bear being looked at", said she. "Then open your legs +wider,--wider dear." Wider they went. Candle in one hand I pushed the +finger of the other up her cunt. Then all delight of the eye was merged +in the maddening desire to fuck. Putting the candle somewhere it fell +down, and was extinguished; at the same moment slipping my prick to the +opening, with a smooth glide up it went. Before I had moved my prick +half a minute I was spending, before I had had a wriggle in her, before +I had well clasped her buttocks, I was leaning over her sighing, and had +finished before I had well began. I now think I feel my sensation up +her as I write this, of the rapturous smoothing of her buttocks as I +finished. Some women make me recollect them thus. + +"What a bore", said I squeezing my belly close up to hers, "I hate to be +quick." I heard her laugh, but could not see her face. She did not hurry +me out of her, but at length nature caused me to withdraw, and we got +the candle lighted. + +Washing herself whilst I stood talking and regretting my haste, holding +my unwashed prick in front of her, she laughing and saying I must take +my time another day, emptied the basin, and turning round asked if she +should wash me. Years had elapsed I think since a woman had done so to +me, then it was by a French woman. The offer comes to me now as having +been an unusual one. Delighted I let her. Delicately handling my doodle +she soaped and washed it, making complimentary remarks about it as she +did so. + +The operation excited me, I stiffened. "Oh! I do so want you again,--let +me." "No its late,--if I don't make money before twelve I never do +afterwards,--see me another night,--besides you can't do it again yet." +"Let me feel you then only for a minute." She approached me, one hand I +put to her cunt, the other thrusting between her fat bum-cheeks met the +tip of the fingers on the other hand. "My prick's standing so." "It's +not." "Feel it." She put her hand down and felt, I stiff to the utmost +kept asking her to let me again. "Well get on the bed then", said she +after feeling me quietly for a minute,--"see the candle has burnt down, +it won't last long." By the time she had said this she was lying down +with her clothes up above her navel. + +We were fucking with intensity, the candle went out, I felt her kisses. +"Oh! what a lovely cunt you have." "You've a nice prick,--who taught +you to poke so nicely?" Our tongues met,--silence, sighs, short shoves, +spunk,--and all was over. "Let me wash your cunt." "Very well." "You +wash my prick." "Yes." The mutual washing over we separated, I promising +to see her again. We had washed by the fire-light alone. + +Next night at the same time we fucked again. I stripped her, and was +enamoured of her body if not of herself. She made no sign of wanting +to leave me, but rather wanted to keep me. I had not since I lost Mary +tasted a woman's mouth, with this woman I was delighted in doing so, +though with the ordinary gay women I could not bear their tongues. +Whilst we were fucking they knocked at the door saying they wanted the +room. Bessie swore, "Damn her", said she, "for interrupting us,--and +the money I have brought her." This increased my pleasure, and Bessie +participated in it. After fucking her twice we sat by the fire and +talked, she warming her bum, her petticoats up to her knees, my hand on +her quim, and airing my balls. "If you want me another night, and can't +see me, ask the woman about,--ask for Brighton Bessie,--there are two +Bessies, so mind,--Brighton Bessie", said she as we parted. + +I found I could talk to this woman. Whilst doing so she would sit on my +knees and feel my prick, and I feel her privates. I had long wanted +such a free-and-easy acquaintance, for nothing annoyed me like the sham +modesty of doxies, their shuffling out of showing me their cunts, their +hurry to get me up them, and away afterwards. Bessie had none of this. +Like Camille, Mary, and all women I ever kept to long, she let me do +absolutely as I pleased, and without hurry would copulate, then sit and +talk till we were ready again + +for the exercise. But they did not at the house in------ + +Street fancy our staying so long at their busy time; so she arranged to +meet me at B. w Street one night, and took me to a house there which was +dearer, but where she said they rarely interrupted couples. + +It was nearly opposite to the Opera-House, since built. It had a very +large frontage, six or seven windows of a row I think, a dingy-looking +building that most people would have passed without noticing, or would +have thought it a dwelling-house of poorish people. The knowing ones +would have guessed that it meant something hidden and convenient. There +was no light outside, but if you pushed the door by night or by day, it +opened into a darkish lobby, then passing through a glass door with a +glimmer of light at the back, a woman met you, and conducted you to +a chamber, big or small, handsomely or poorly furnished according to +price. In it there must have been twenty rooms, and there was more +bum-wagging, more seed spent, more sighs of pleasure in that house +nightly, than in any other house in London I should think. + +It was dearer; but if you stayed for hours no one ever interrupted you. +There were in Winter good large fires, the rooms were a good size, there +was no gas, two candles were given, if you wanted more you paid extra. +Wine and liquor of fair quality was got for you. The furniture was +somewhat dingy, but all the rooms had sofas on which two could lie, and +beds large enough for three with clean linen always. It was one of the +most quiet, comfortable accommodation-shops I ever was in, and with +Brighton Bessie, I passed there many voluptuous evenings. + +I took a bottle of champagne with me there one night, the first time I +ever did so to a baudy house when I met a gay woman; but I wanted that +night a long, quiet evening with a free woman, and had one with her +quite after my own fashion. + +I had Bessie often for about two years, and at intervals for two or +three years after that, the last was about ten years after I had first +met her. I never had a passion for her, nor did I keep only to her; but +through the Winter of this year, as nearly as I can recollect, I had few +but her. After next hot weather my lust ran riot, I got also better +off, and treated my pego to variety, but we then frequently met at B.w +Street. Poor Bessie fell in love with me, and was fond of liquor as I +shall tell, now will only tell of the way our evenings, and at times +afternoons were passed together. + +If warm enough we used to strip, and lay outside the bed; if not got +into bed. As she was beautifully shaped I first took my delight in +contemplating her, then I laid along the bed, my head near her knees, +she the reverse way, and again I inspected. Sometimes she twiddled my +cock, and I her clitoris, but generally the time was spent in putting +her in every voluptuous posture, and fucking in all sorts of positions. +She liked it. "It's all my eye", she used to remark when we talked on +the subject saying, "I don't like it,--I like fucking and baudiness, +it's the best thing in life,--a short life and lots of fucking is my +motto,--women who say they never spend with men are liars,--they all +like it as much as I do." She was but twenty-one years old, although her +stoutness made her look older. And now I leave her for a time. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + A change in taste.--A small cunt longed for.--Hunting in the + Strand.--Yellow-haired Kitty.--Her little companion.--Oh! + you foule.--The house in E...t.r Street.--Double fees.-- + Kitty's pleasure.--Objections to washing.--Have the other + gal.--Cleanliness.--Home occupations.--I ain't gay.--Kitty's + males. + +I don't know why my erotic fancies took the desire for a young lass, +but they did. My taste had for the most part run upon the big, fleshy, +fat-cunted, and large-arsed; now perhaps for contrast, perhaps from +sheer curiosity, the letch took possession of me. A small cunt, tight +and hairless perhaps,--I wondered how it looked, felt, and if pleasure +would be increased by it, and though my prick swelled when spending +until I have groaned under the grip, even of a large cunt, I longed for +quite a little one. I had never had a very young girl,--excepting the +little child,--Nelly and Sophy had both a little hair on their mottes, +so I would try for a youthful quim and one if possible with no hair on +it. + +I was not versed in the walks and ways of little ones, and looking about +at night saw none. Talking about it at my Club, I heard they were to be +seen mostly in the day-time, so I looked out in the Strand for what I +wanted, and during day-light. + +On a blazing hot afternoon in June I walked about a long time thinking +of youthful harlots, but saw none, or if I did could not distinguish +them. At length I saw two young girls idling about, looking in at the +shop windows on the other side of the way. One was dressed all in black, +and was taller and stouter than the other. They were not got up in any +showy way, but looked like the children of decent mechanics. + +They took no notice of any one, nor any one of them, they stopped at a +shop, and I noticed that the biggest had the largest legs. A plump form +had as said attractions to me almost superior to face. Crossing to the +other side of the way I passed them, looking them full in the face. +The taller one was good-looking, white-faced, and had goldenish hair, +a colour I could not bear. They looked at me, but there was nothing to +indicate fastness. Returning I met them again, the same stare, the same +indifference. Thinking of their little cunts, and getting randy and +reckless I determined to try. They stopped at a sweetmeat-shop; going +to the side of them, and looking into the shop, not at them, so as to +prevent my being noticed, "I'll buy you whatever you want if you will +come with me", I said. The bigger of the two edged away from me, after +looking up in my face, whispered something to her companion, and they +both moved along the street without noticing me further. + +I was disconcerted, and went over to the opposite side of the way again +watching them, they went to a print-shop, and looked in; the big one +looked in the direction of a lolly-pop shop, and up and down the +street. She was looking after me evidently, so I crossed over, met them +full-face, and as I passed said without stopping, "Come with me, and +I'll give you money." + +I turned a corner, and looked, they were at another shop, the bigger +girl with her arm round the smaller one's neck. I again passed them, +going back to do so, and saying, "I'll give you three and sixpence." +That was the exact sum, and then turned up a street which led to baudy +houses, and waited at the turning into the street. + +The two girls turned the corner, stopped, and talked, the bigger laid +hold of, and slightly pulled the smaller, and seemed to be persuading +her. Failing apparently she left her, but turned back, spoke to her +again, and both came on together. Then I turned into the back-street, +the two girls appeared at the corner of that, and then stopped and +talked for a minute. Tired of waiting I thought I had made a mistake, +and going slowly back heard the bigger one say, "You _are a foule_." +"Oh! you _foule_." "Come he wants us." "You _foule_." + +"I don't want her," said I, "but you,--come,"--and returning entered a +baudy house, the outer-door of which stood open, thinking the bigger one +would follow, and sure now that she was a harlot. I then passed through +the inner door which as usual then had a glass window covered with a red +curtain. + +A minute elapsed, the baudy house-keeper had been spoken to, but the +girl not coming, I opened the door to look out. The bigger girl was +just inside the outer door, and was pulling in the other one. "Come you +foule,--you said you would,--he'll give you money as well as me, and +I'll give you some of mine too,--well you are a foule," quite bawling it +out. There was not much secrecy needed in such things at those times, in +those streets. + +"I don't want _her_," said I hurriedly, "it's you,--come in, or I won't +wait." She came in, the other girl disappeared, and we were soon in a +bed-room together. + +It was the first house at that end of the street, had been newly opened, +and was furnished in a style not like a baudy house; no show, neat and +clean, but cheaply; no bed-hangings (and in those days most baudy houses +had bed-hangings), the blinds were new and white, the beds quite clean. +The top-floor room where I went for economy was two shillings and +sixpence. The woman of the house was tall, comely, and middle-aged. As +I paid her I noticed she had fat red cheeks. How curious that I should +recollect those red cheeks. She had a white apron on, and was a civil +sort of creature. + +The girl stood still staring at me. Sitting on the edge of the bed +I stared at her, filled with baudy curiosity and the appreciation of +novelty. "Why won't you have the other gal?" said she. "I don't want +her, nor want two,--and she is a dirty little imp." "No she ain't dirty, +she washes herself like me,--let her come up." "No,--come you here." +"She is quite clean,--I wash her myself sometimes." "No, come here I +tell you." + +The girl came to me dawling. I put my hands up her clothes. A fleshy +little bum met my hand, then in the front a smooth belly, a motte almost +hairless as it seemed. She said not a word, but gave a sort of jerk of +her body, and as my hand touched her bum it jutted forwards, and as I +drew my hand round to her belly she drew her belly back. It did not seem +like shame. She did not utter a word. "Take off your things", said I. + +She drew away from me, and took off her bonnet, then stood still. "Off +with your things," I said throwing off some of mine. "I can't take them +off,--if I do I can't fasten them again, they are in a knot." "Take +them off." "If I do you will have to fasten me." "So I will." Slowly she +stripped to her chemise. "Take that off." "I won't." "Come here then." +She came. Laying hold of her I lifted her bodily, and threw her with her +back on the bed, throwing up her chemise and stretching open her legs +quickly. She gave a suppressed "hoh!" put her hand down to her cunt, and +felt her mons nervously. + +"Take away your hand dear." She took it away, then I pulled open her +little thing. Such a delicious little gap it was, with the smallest +possible quantity of golden hair just showing on it; such a smooth white +belly and thighs, and all so plump, that I was wonder-struck at a young +girl being so round and fine. I had not expected under that shabby black +clothing anything so nice. I was charmed with her head also; in a big +black and shabby bonnet I had seen nothing but a white face and large +blue eyes. Her hair was golden in tone, bright and flowing. + +Whilst pulling off my trowsers she sat up and asked, "Is it big?" For +the instant I did not quite know what she meant. "What's big?" "Your +thing,--measure it." I went up to her pulling out my pego. "It is +big," said she. "It's little," said I. "It ain't,--it's big." "No." +"Yes,--don't push hard sir,--will you now?" "No my dear I won't,--Is it +bigger than other men's pricks?" "I shan't tell you." "Well lay down and +open your thighs,"--again I lifted her on to the bed. "Don't you do it +hard," said she getting up again, "or I won't let you." "Then I won't +pay you." Back she fell, I wetted my prick, put it to the notch, and +with a shove or two was well up her. She gave a "oh,--oooh!" and then +laid quiet. Grasping her fat little bum I fucked, then stopping pulled +out my prick, and looked at her cunt. "What are you a going to do?" said +she in an astonished way. + +"Get quite on to the bed dear." Slow at obeying I helped her into the +posture, and got on to her, and brought my pleasure to an end, lying on +the top of the pretty little girl. + +I lay on her long afterwards, and tried by the muscular contraction +of my arse-cheeks and ballock-roots to stiffen my pego again. She laid +quiet all the time with my prick up her, but I could not manage it, my +prick shrunk. + +A second erection without uncunting being impossible, I got into a +kneeling posture between her open legs, and checked a slight movement +on her part saying, "Now lie quiet,--don't move." There was I kneeling +between her thighs; looking down I saw her half-opened cunt with the +gruelly tide issuing from it, took my prick in hand half its potential +size, flabby and wet, pulled back the skin, and out rolled a large drop +of sperm on to her thigh. She lay quite quiet, looking at me, her yellow +hair falling all around her head as it lay on the pillow. Now I was +astonished at her beauty, I had not noticed it fully before. + +"You are very handsome,--how old are you?" "Fifteen and a little." "You +must be more." "I don't know, but mother says so." I looked at her cunt, +the hair on it was not an eighth of an inch long, scarcely any of it, +and of course showing no intention of curling, but her form was so round +that I could not believe she was so young. "Fifteen and a little," she +repeated, her aunt and her mother had been disputing the day of her +birth; her mother was out of her mind when she gave birth to her. "Aunt +says I ain't fifteen." + +"Give the other gal a shilling,--do," she broke in whilst I was +questioning her about age, and kneeling between her thighs. "What are +you so anxious about the other girl for?" "She lives over us, and is my +friend,--will you give her a shilling?--do." "Why?" "Do,--if you don't +I shall give her a shilling of mine, and give her some of mine +anyhow,--you said you'd give me three and sixpence, didn't you?" + +Curiously amused I laughed. "I'll give you a shilling for her, if you +let me do it to you again." "Oh! _do_," said she. + +It was hot, I had not reposed after my pleasure, so quitting my kneeling +position I laid down besides her, and began feeling her breasts. She +turned her head towards me. "You have not washed yourself," said I after +a minute's amusement with her bubbles. "It ain't no good if yer ar going +to make a mess in it agin,--when you've done it I'll wash it all out +together." I thought from that speech she was not an old one at the +game, yet after all she only behaved as every young girl I have had +usually behaved, they have mostly objected to washing their cunts +directly after a poke, I think they rarely wash it until requested. +There must be some sweet tranquillizing pleasure which a man's sperm +gives to a woman's cunt, and makes her undesirous of washing it out. It +is only when a woman knows it is good for her health if she be gay, that +she ever does it. No married woman washes the sperm out of her cunt, yet +in the morning after a night's fucking you never find the sperm if you +feel in the cunt for it,--where does it go?--it is absorbed I suppose. + +We lay thus and talked. "How old are you really?" "Fifteen and two +months, as I told yer,--I always was fat, but ain't so fat as I was +though,--father used to say I should get fat on gruel." I should have +guessed her full sixteen had it not been for the little hair there was +on her motte, and the delicate pink small cut, and tight prick-hole. +"How long have you been gay?" "I ain't gay," said she astonished. "Yes +you are." "No I ain't." "You let men fuck you, don't you?" "Yes, but I +ain't gay." "What do you call gay?" "Why the gals who come out regular +of a night dressed up, and gets their livings by it." I was amused. + +"Don't you?" "No, mother keeps me." "What is your father?" "Got none, +he's dead three months back,--mother works, and keeps us.--she is a +charwoman, and goes out on odd jobs." "Don't you work?" "Not now," said +she in a confused way, "mother does not want me to, I takes care of the +others." "What others?" "The young ones." "How many?" "Two,--one's a +boy, and one's a gal." "How old?" "Sister's about six, and brother's +nearly eight,--but what do you ask me all this for?" "Only for +amusement,--then you are in mourning for your father?" "Yes, it's +shabby, ain't it?--I wish I could have nice clothes, I've got nice +boots,--ain't they?"--cocking up one leg, "a lady gived em me when +father died,--they are my best." + +"Are you often in the Strand?" "When I gets out I likes walking in it, +and looking at the shops,--I do if mother's out for the day." "Does she +know you are out?" The girl who had been lying on her back with her +head full towards me, turned on her side, and giggling said in a sort of +confidential way, "Bless you no,--she'd beat me if she knew,--when +she be out I locks them up, and takes the key, and then I goes back +to them,--I've got the key in my pocket, and shall be home before +mother,--she is out for the whole day." + +"Do the children know you're out?" "No, I says to them, 'You be quiet +now, I'm going to the yard.'" "What's the yard?" said I not reflecting. +The girl thought a minute, chuckled, turned her head, and was silent, +she was actually blushing. "What's the yard?" Suddenly it struck me, +"Going to the privy?" She burst out laughing. "Yes that's it, I say I'm +going to the privy, and then I comes out with her, and they can't get +out, so they are all right, and we go back together if she's with me; if +she ain't I go back by myself,--there,"--and she stopped satisfied with +her explanation. "They may set fire to themselves," said I. "There ain't +no fire after we have had breakfast, I puts it out, and lights it at +night if mother wants hot water." + +"What do you do with yourself all day?" "I washed both of them, I gives +them food if we've got any, then washes the floor and everything, and +then washes myself, then I looks out of the winer." "Wash yourself." +"Yes I washes from head to foot allus." "Have you a tub?" "No we've only +got a pail and a bowl, but I'm beautiful clean,--mother tells every one +I'm the beautifullest clean gal a mother ever had,--I wash everything, +mother's too tired. Sometimes we all go out and walk, but that's at +night; sometime I lays abed nearly all day." + +She was beautifully clean in her flesh, her linen was clean, its color +awful; but what could be expected from a pail, a bowl, and one room to +dry things in. "You can't always be washing." "No, I do all the mending +and making,--look how my finger is pricked," said she showing it. + +I had been smoothing and feeling her all over, her unwashed cunt had +come in for its share of my attentions, I had been twiddling it till +outside it was dry. Recurring to the never-failing, and always charming +theme, I got close to her, kissed her, my fingers sought the innermost +recesses of her tight little orifice. "Don't you like fucking?--does it +give you pleasure?" "It never gived me much pleasure that I know on," +she replied. "But you don't dislike it?" "Not if they don't hurt me." +"Do they ever?" "One or two have, if they push hard,--but I shan't say +no more,--there." + +There was a frankness, openness, and freshness about this girl which +delighted me. Question after question I put, and would be answered; +if evaded I put it in another shape, but she seemed willing mostly to +reply. I put into her little head things she had never dreamed of, +and all the time kept rubbing her clitoris, probing her little quim, +distending it, tickling it, and exciting her till she wriggled her +little fat bum. + +"Do I hurt you?" "Oh! no,"--"let me then,"--"oh! don't sir,--I wish you +would not." "Did you never enjoy the prick up you?--never enjoy a fuck! +--you shall enjoy it with me." "Don't now," said she turning herself +round as I frigged on. "Feel my prick dear." She did not need a second +invitation. "Is it not stiff?" "Yes, and big." "Yes,--yes,--but oh! +don't sir,--take away your hand,--ah!" I talked on, frigging and +tickling, my prick throbbing, but restraining myself, for instinct told +me she was about to enjoy a pleasure she had never enjoyed yet. All at +once she relinquished my prick, a slight heaving of her belly, and her +eyes closed, then I knew she was ready to discharge. + +I ceased to frig, her eyes opened, her thighs which had closed opened +again. I joined my body to hers, and we were one, I fucked,--_we_ fucked +now, for the little lass in a minute or two was dissolving in pleasure +whilst I was pissing my sperm up her, groaning as the tightness of +her little cunt squeezed my sensitive prick. If Kitty was not a harlot +before, she was from that minute she had her spend with me. + +She laid quite quiet till nature dissolved our fleshy union by uncunting +me, then I laid by her side, she on her back, her thighs wide open, her +eyes closed. + +"Don't it give you pleasure?" After repeating that half-a-dozen times +she said, "I don't know." "Yes you do,--did you spend?" "I don't +know what a girl's spending is," said she. "Did my prick give you +pleasure,--tell me Kitty?" At length she said yes, and she had never had +pleasure with men before. (Two years afterwards she repeated that the +first pleasure she ever had with a man was with me.) "Wash yourself." +"I'll wash when I go home." "Wash now you little beast." "What does +it matter to you?" "Wash you little devil." She washed carefully, and +whilst doing so, "Piddle," said I. "I can't abear to piddle before a +man,--what a funny man you are." "Piddle my dear," and the little dear +piddled. + +Wiping herself dry she stopped in the middle of the operation and asked, +"Why wouldn't you have the other gal?" "What do you want me to have her +for?" "She's very poor." "What do you do with your money?" "Buy things +to eat,--mother's very poor, we often ain't got enough to eat." "Then +you get a little money by being gay." "I ain't gay I tell you." "Well +your friend is I suppose, and gets money." "No she doesn't,--she +isn't gay either,--no man ain't ever done it to her, she's such a +_foule_,--but she would a come in to-day with you, she said she would, +and she were just a comin when you sent her off,--she promised me, she'd +let yer if you wanted,--but she is a foule though." + +"I don't believe that." "It's God's truth though, she ain't, she says +she ain't; she knows what men want gals for, but she's never let any +one,--I know she ain't, she is frightened." "Have you looked at her +cunt?" "Often," said Kitty. "And she's looked at yours?" "Of course she +has,--she lives over us I tell you, I go up to her, and she comes down +to me when mother's out,--I wash her." "You seem fond of washing." "I +likes things clean." I thought for an instant, "It may be true, I should +like to see her cunt if she's never been poked,--what object has this +little lass in pressing this so?" Then said I, "Tell me the truth, and +I'll give you another shilling,--don't lie,--I shall soon tell whether +you're lying or not," and getting up, "here is three and six (I had it +on the mantle-piece), here's a shilling for her, and there is another. +If you answer truly, I'll see you again; but I'll never see you again if +I find you are making up lies,--come here." And I sat down. + +She came forward, I pulled her between my naked legs, her naked thighs +met mine, her little cunt was close to my prick, I put my hand round her +fat little bum, and looked her in the face, pressing her belly close to +mine. + +"What do you want me to have her for?" "Only cos she's so poor,--why +she only gets sixpence a day,--she works at sack-making,--oh! isn't it +hard!--and her hands if you seed em, are hard and brown, stained with +the string, and what the works with,--mother wants me to work at them at +home, but I won't--I tells her I'd run away first,--she is so little she +can't carry the sacks home as other gals do; so a strong young woman who +works at sacks carries them home for her, and charges her twopence for +it,--they car-ries them home on the top of their heads; but she is too +little, she is." (At that time women worked at sack-making, and carried +them home on their heads.) + +"Can she put her finger up her cunt?" "I shan't tell you all that," said +she turning nasty. "Is her cunt as open as yours?" "No it ain't." "Then +she can't get her finger up." "Oh! you are a rum cove, you are," +said she breaking away from me, "I never seed the like of you. I must +go,--tell me what time it is." "Half-past four." "I'll go,--I give the +children something to eat about this time." "Come here, or I won't give +you the shillings." We resumed our positions. "Are you sure she has +never had a man?" "Never, she's such a _foule_,--she says she'd like to, +and she'd like the money, and yet she won't,--she is _such_ a _foule_." +"How long have _you_ done it?" "Only since we have lived this side of +the water, after father died." "How many men have you had?" "I shan't +say,--I don't recollect,--it arn't no business of yourn,--you don't +like me." "Yes I like you, but I won't tell,--no it isn't a dozen,--I +shan't say who first did it,--I shan't then,--it isn't a dozen,--yes I +am quite sure, I don't think it's ten, but it may be about that, I think +it's eight,--they didn't all do it to me, no they didn't,--one on em +only put his hands up my clothes, and went off in a minute; another +pulled up my clothes, and looked at me, and then he--" She stopped, and +I could not get her to say what, so promised her another shilling. "I +don't know what he did." "Frig himself?" "I don't know what you call +it,--yes he did that," said the girl bursting into a roar of laughter +when I showed her the operation. "I looked at him, and he went away +without speaking,--he only gave me half-a-crown; but an old gentleman +one day gave me a gold bit of ten shillings." She began counting on her +fingers. I thought she was reckoning her gains, she was a long time at +it, doing it over and over again; at length, "It's seven," said she. +"What?" "Gentlemen,--you make eight." + +"Your little friend is too young," said I. "She is fourteen, but shorter +than me." "Has she any hair on her cunt?" "You can just see some coming, +and it's black." "She is dirty." "No she ain't, but she was till she +knew me,--she can't help her clothes being dirty, but she mends em,--how +I wish I had nice clothes like the gals about at night, and like +gentlefolks!" said Kitty in a sort of ecstacy, and then tossed up +half-a-crown, and caught it. + +I began to long for the other girl, and told her she might bring her the +next day, that she should have three and sixpence, and her friend the +same, and more if I did it. Kitty went off agreeing to meet me with her +if their mothers were out, but if not, the day after, all depended on +their mothers' absence. She would listen to the church-clock, and as it +struck three she would leave; it was only by listening that she knew the +time. She would put by a penny for the bridge-toll; generally she went +round by Westminster bridge to avoid paying the penny. Then we left. +Her little friend I found was loitering close by. They went into a +pastry-cook's, and I watched them both eating together as they went +along towards Waterloo bridge, Kitt and Pol. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + Little Pol consents.--Arsy-versy.--Broached, and howling.-- + Kitty's vocalization.--A cheap virginity.--Two hours after.-- + Love's money lost.--The street-gully.--Kitty pleases.--Pol + tires.--Kitty's habits.--Friendliness and frankness.-- + Sausage rolls.--Confessions of lust. + +On the appointed day I saw Kitty but alone, she followed me to the +house, and soon by my pego her sweet little cunt was distended. I had +her all the afternoon, and tailed her to the extent of my powers. The +girl was delighted, her eyes sparkled with lewdness. Was fucking nice? +"Oh! yes, yes," she replied, it was nicer than she thought, nicer +than gals told her it would be. This was after I had called her at our +meeting a little humbug, for not bringing her friend. The excuse was +that Pol's mother was at home. I did not believe it, but was so content +with her sweet little form, the ease with which I handled her, the +enticing look of the cunt, its tightness, and her pleasant, frank +manners, that I forgot all about the other little one, till going +away, then said, "Mind you bring your friend, and I'll give you five +shillings, but you know you won't, you little storyteller." "I will,--I +shall,--I'll make her come,--she wants, but she is such a foule,--and +she's frightened of her mother." + +Another blazing hot day. The two were looking in at the pastry-cook's, +the taller with her arm round the neck of the other. I watched them for +a minute, Kit often looked around anxiously, and seeing me, moved off +quickly towards the street. I followed on the opposite side of the way, +then stopped. The small one stood with her back against a wall, Kitty +was gesticulating. I went on passing without noticing them. As I passed +I heard, "You are a _foule_,--you're a _liar_,--you said you would." +"I shan't then." Turning the corner I looked back. There they still were +standing as on the first day I saw them. Thought I, "She can't persuade +the little one," so walked on to W..l....n Street, to the Lyceum +portico, and back again in a fever of expectancy. As I got near the +house they both turned the corner, so in I went and waited till both +girls appeared, and soon heard two pairs of feet after me on the same +staircase, two young voices whispering, the Mistress following us all. + +"Why five shillings?" "You have _two_ young ladies to-day, double price +you know sir." I did _not_ know, for it was the first time I had had two +women together in a house. Excited and anxious I had got to fucking-heat +in anticipation of a small unprobed cunt, paid the money, and there was +I with the two little ones face to face, two young cunts at my disposal, +a novelty, and a charming one. The woman closed the door, casting a +queer look at the girls and me. I locked it. + +I put my hand up Kitty's clothes, the other girl, an ugly little imp +in a bonnet as big as a coal-scuttle, and with boots which looked as if +they were her mother's, stood and stared with eyes wide open,--they were +dark, and her hair nearly black. "Come here my dear." "Come to him," +said Kitty. The girl drew near, I took her on my knee. "So you are the +friend of Kitty, and we are going to play with each other naked, aren't +we?--I'm going to look at your cunt, and you are going to feel my cock." +She made no reply. "I'm going to look where your piddle comes out, +aren't I?" "_No_," said the girl sullenly after reflecting a minute, and +hanging her head on one side, "I shan't." + +"Yes he is you foule,--oh! you _are_ a foule," burst out Kitty, "I wish +I didn't know you, you are _such_ a foule,--she said she would sir, +she knows all about it, she does, she knows what she has comed for, she +does,--now don't be a foule (in a threatening manner), I won't speak to +you agin, nor gi yer nothink (Kitty's English was awful),--you may get +yer belly filled, I won't help fill it." All this over and over again, +in anger. + +The girl looked at Kitty humbly. "Well I will then." I put my hands up +her petticoats on to a lean pair of thighs. "Take off your things." "Yes +_take_ them off," said Kitty helping her off with her bonnet, and to +undress. "Are you going to take off yours Kitty?" said she. "Yes when +you have," and without more ado she stripped the girl to her chemise, +and herself likewise. I took off all but my shirt and socks. It was a +sweating hot day. + +The girl was not very inviting, was heavy and lubberly, and looked as if +she had not enough to eat; but there was in her a virgin cunt, so I was +told, although even then a little sceptical about what a female told me +on that point. My tooleywag was standing at the idea, I shook it before +them, and calling both to me held them round their naked bums, and made +them feel me. The pair of little fists anxiously feeling from the root +of my balls to the tip of the piercer soon rendered me impatient for +action. I was near the side of the bed facing the windows, and through +the white blinds came the strong light of a summer's afternoon. Lifting +the fresh one from my knee I put her on her back on the bed, and lifted +her scanty chemise. Close went her legs together, I opened them, she +resisted, I grew angry, Kitty called her a foule. Coaxed and bullied +at the same time she yielded, I pulled the legs wide open, and kneeling +threw one over my shoulder, the other I pressed outwards, and with my +other hand opened her cunt-lips wide; then she kicked her legs over me, +and turning arse upwards got up. A little row, again she yielded, again +served me the same trick. I damned her for a bitch, and Kitty reviled +her. "She is a fool Kitty,--show her what I want." Kitty hesitated +a moment, then throwing herself on to the bed opened her thighs, and +pulled her cunt-lips apart. The young one gradually persuaded let me +do for her what Kitty did for herself, after she had carefully studied +Kitty's quim for a minute. + +I saw with speechless excitement the girl's cunt, which seemed at first +glance as if a prick had entered it; but looking more closely saw that +the perforation was too small. I thrust gently my finger up it,--a +cry,--a howl. "Don't,--you're a hurting," and again the little devil +was arse upwards on the bed. Again I coaxed, promised, lied, and Kitty +bullied; again I saw the cunt, that it was not like cunts that had been +fucked: the hairless lips, a little black tint just above the notch, +a little hole. My eyesight failed me, the demon of desire said, "It's +fresh, it's virgin,--bore it,--bung it,--plug it,--stretch it,--split +it,--spunk in it," and I laid hold of her thin backside mad with lust, +kissing and sniffling at her cunt. + +"Let's lay on the bed, and all strip quite naked,--it's so hot." "Yes +do," said Kitty. She stripped the girl of her pea-soup coloured rag, +and we both stripped. There we were in a minute all three naked, close +together, with but little room, the girl in the middle. I pressed to +her, put her hand round my prick, talked baudy. Kitty said, "Now let +him." The girl said no. I put one leg over, and worked myself between +her little thighs, partly holding myself up on my elbow and pattering +baudy which Kitty kept repeating. "It won't hurt dear." "No it won't +hurt," said Kitty. "Just let me touch it with his prick." Kitty in her +anxiety slipped right off the bed, and getting herself up stood by the +bedside repeating the baudy words I uttered. + +The girl lay quiet, Kitty telling her not to be a fool; but _I_ was a +fool, for the notch being small I did not hit it well. Putting my prick +down to where my fingers underlied the split, I pushed towards the goal, +not pressing her with my body, but keeping my weight off by leaning on +my right elbow, for it seemed that if I laid on her I should crush +and frighten her, the girl seemed so slim. My tool struck hard at the +orifice, she howled. Fearing to miss my game I then fell with the +full weight of my body on her, grasping her thin buttocks, and nearly +stifling her on that hot afternoon, determined to have her if I killed +her. The girl gave howl after howl, and I rammed with all my might +the more. "Hish!--hold your tongue you foule," said Kitty. As the girl +wriggled violently, and cried. + +"Damn you, if you are not quiet I'll rip your dress into ribbons, and +you may go home, and tell your mother what you like,--damn you I'll +murder you,--I'll give you ten shillings." "You fool he'll give you ten +shillings." I heard no more, oscillating my arse, and driving with all +my force between her legs, I knew not how, I knew not where. Still the +girl howled, and Kitty kept hushing. + +"The woman will turn us out of the house you foule,--she won't let me +come in again,--oh! you foule," said Kitty. In my blind battering I +at last lodged the tip well between the lips. The next instant with a +cunt-splitting thrust I was up the howling little bitch who wriggled +like an eel; but I held her skinny arse up to me like a vice, kept my +peg fixed and un-moveably up her in spite of her. Her wriggles alone +would have kept it stiff enough, and fetched me. "Be quiet,--I am up +you,--I can't h--hurt--you--now,--ah!"--and my spunk was up the virgin +quim of the ugly little devil. + +She laid quiet, but whinning, "Oh! you said you would not hurt +me,--ho!--hho!" she sobbed, then laid quite still with my prick up her, +snottily whimpering, "o--oho!"--and all was tranquil, I nearly asleep. + +"Is it in her?" said Kitty in a whisper, "is it in yer Pol?" Having got +no answer from me. "Oh! what a foule you are." "I've done it," said +I. "Let her get up," said Kit. I don't recollect having been up such a +tight cunt, not that it gave me pleasure, but the extreme tightness was +such a novelty. "I will do it again." "Have you done it really?" said +Kitty. "Put your hand and feel," said I opening my legs a little to +let Kitty feel under my testicles, "my prick's right up her cunt +now,--feel." + +"Have you done it really?" "Yes,--feel." "Ri--tol--lural--li--do!" +said Kitty setting off in a happy dance all round the room. I went on +fucking, keeping the girl quiet, I could pull her little form up to me +as tight as wax, and coaxing and promising all sorts of things I fucked +her again without uncunting. + +"Have you really done it?" said Kitty again. "Yes twice,--put your hand +up under my balls and feel." Kitty thinking better of the suggestion +this time did so, and satisfying herself that my prick was out of her +touch, set off dancing again with a "ri--too--ralooral--ledo!" I got +off the girl, the hair of my prick saturated with blood and spunk. "She +is bleeding." The girl began snivelling worse than ever when she heard +that, and began feeling her cunt. + +"What are you crying for you foule?--did he hurt you much?--let's look +at it,"--and Kitty looked at the little quim bunged up with sperm mixed +with blood. "Oh! ain't he done it!--ritollooralado, ritolloolra-lado," +and she capered again. "What are you dancing and singing for?" I asked. +"She's had it done,--oh! look what a mess is on the bed, the woman will +kick up a row." + +"Get up and wash it you fool, and don't cry." "It hurts." "Wash it." +"It will hurt." "No it won't you foule." Here Kitty put a basin on the +floor, pushed the girl towards it, and made her wash. Then we got her on +to the bed, and both of us took a long, long look at her split. It was +bleeding freely, I saw the ragged edge my intrusion had made, and not +feeling inclined for more fucking gave the girl half-a-sovereign in +gold, Kitty five shillings, and went off leaving them still naked, Kitty +from time to time looking at her friend's wounded orifice, and saying it +would soon be all right, that her thing had bled also. I had fear that I +might be in trouble through my voluptuousness, although a girl of twelve +years is competent to judge of her own fitness for fucking, and many not +a month over that age are plugged daily in London. + +I had to go to the Temple that afternoon, returning along the Strand an +hour afterwards, not thinking of my afternoon's amusement, for I had had +a disagreeable interview with solicitors, when just at the end of C----- +Street was a slight crowd, in the middle of it the two girls, and the +one I had fucked an hour before crying. Some man gave her money. "Oh! +Lord," thought I, "here is a row about what I have been doing," so got +into a cab, and drove off. When a mile away I began to reflect, and felt +more comfortable, but still uneasy, and determined not to meet them the +next day as I had promised. The day after I saw Kitty walking by +herself, that funked me again, so I cut away without her seeing me. +Thought I, "There will be a row about that ugly little lump having been +pierced, I will go no more." But the letch was so strong that I could +not resist, and on the third day driving past in a cab I saw the two +girls as usual looking in at shops. Alighting I winked as I passed, +heard one say, "Here he is," and three minutes afterwards we were all in +the house again. + +To strip the two, and examine their cunts was an affair of five minutes, +then laying the little one open-legged I looked at hers tranquilly, and +saw how the slit was completed. The girl whose name I forget, but will +call Pol, put her finger down, and indicated where, she felt a +difference had been made in the shape. I fucked the lass at the side of +the bed, proping up her skinny rump with pillows, Kitty with her face +about a foot off admiring the prick as it shoved in and out the little +red orifice. It was a novelty to her to see it done. + +Kitty was an odd girl. "Don't hurt her now," she kept saying. The little +one had objected to my probing her again with my prick, but saying I +should otherwise not give her a farthing she consented. My delight +was increased by the power I found I had of making her howl whenever I +shoved vigorously, and I nearly knocked my prick through into her womb I +imagine. The more she howled the more I banged my prick up her, the more +I enjoyed her. + +When it was over I asked how she had spent her money. Out burst the +little animal into tears. "She made me drop it, I didn't spend any of +it sir, I lost it." "You dropped it yourself," said Kitty. "You lie." +"I don't." "She does,"--and so on, and I got at the facts when Kitty had +vigorously slapped the face of her friend, and called her fifty times a +_foule_. + +Going into the Strand the girl had the money in her hand, Kitty told her +to put it into her pocket. She refused. Kitty said she would lose it, +and just then she dropped it close by a sewer-grating, down which the +half-sovereign went. The girl cried, the two quarrelled, and there was +soon a crowd round them. Kitty said that the girl's mother had given her +a half-sovereign to buy some bread with, and she had lost it. Some one +gave the girl sixpence, the crowd dispersed, and Pol lost the fruits of +her first fucking. Never was lost a virginity so poorly rewarded. I did +not make up her loss, but gave her half-a-crown with which she was well +contented. I certainly was in luck to get all this fun for such trifling +sums, I being still in poorish circumstances. Five years before I would +have given thirty pounds for the same, and had paid two hundred for +Louise. + +Giving Kitty three and six, and beginning to put on my drawers she said, +"Oh! do it to me, you have done it to her." "Do you want it?" "Yes." +"Feel my cock." Kitty grasped it eagerly, we got on to the bed, Pol +watched now the graceful manipulation, insertion, and wriggles of +pleasure of her friend, for Kitty was fast learning fucking, though +quite innocent of the art of frigging. I never knew such a bungler as +she was at her first attempt at that. + +I grew tired of ugly little Pol when I had bored her a few times, and +would not have her again. Kitty I continued to see, she was a most +amusing girl. Too young on the town to have learnt the tricks and +cunning of a harlot, naturally frank and truthful, with some liking for +me (for she looked forward to our voluptuous dallyings), she gave me for +a long time much amusement, and I heard the incidents of her short life. +She would jabber like a magpie about them when she knew me well, which +she soon did, and began to look to me regularly for her supply of money. + +She used directly she caught sight of me, to walk as fast as possible +towards the house, and get in before me. She was in the room waiting and +grinning when I got there. "Shall I take off my things?" "Yes." Off +they went, and on to the bed the plump white-skinned little girl rolled +whilst I undressed at leisure. "Open your legs Kit, and let's see your +cunt." How she clutched my prick the moment I was by the side of her. It +really was very nice. + +She said, "I buy things to eat, I can't eat what mother gives us, she is +poor, and works very hard, she'd give us more, but she can't; so I +buys food, and gives the others what mother gives me, they don't know +better,--if mother's there I eat some, sometimes we have only gruel and +salt; if we have a fire we toast the bread, but I can't eat it if I am +not dreadful hungry." "What do you like?" "Pies and sausage-rolls," +said the girl smacking her lips and laughing, "oh! my eye ain't they +prime,--oh!" "That's what you went gay for?" "I'm not gay," said she +sulkily. "Well what you let men fuck you for." "Yes." "Sausage-rolls?" +"Yes, meat-pies and pastry too." + +"What did you let the first man do it to you for?" "I don't know, he +came up to me and told me he'd give me some money, if I would go to +a house with him,--he only wanted to talk with me, and I was then so +hungry. He took me to No. 4, just opposite here, and did it to me." +"What did he give you?" "Five shillings." "You had never had it before?" +"Never." "I don't believe you." "I never had, I'm only fifteen and +a little,--he met me in the Strand near where you did," she cried +indignantly. "Did he hurt you?" "Yes, and made me bleed,--I was upset, +and didn't think much about it till I got home and found my shemmy +bloody. I washed it, and put it on again quite wet, so that mother +mightn't know." + +As she talked she would feel my cock, every now and then raise her head +to look at it, fall back again as if satisfied, and go on feeling it and +talking. + +She was intensely curious about my prick, would lay and examine it for +half-an-hour at a time silently. One day after feeling it she asked +if she might do what she liked with it. Certainly. She moved on to her +knees (we were both stark naked on the bed, and had fucked not long +before), and began feeling it, skinning, then covering the tip, looking +under the balls and smelling it. "How smooth and red it is," said +she,--"Does that hurt?" and she rubbed her finger over the tip orifice. +"A little,--wet your finger," She did. "Shall I wet it with my tongue?" +"Do." She licked it, and bit by bit put it into her mouth, asking me +occasionally if she hurt me. I laid amused with the sexual promptings of +her nature. She took it out of her mouth, put it in again, then it got +stiff, then she laughed. "Isn't it funny?" said she, "how smooth and red +it is,--first it's flabby, then it's stiff,"--and she relinquished it, +laying down across me, and contemplating it quite silently. + +"Did you do that to the other gentleman?" I asked. "Oh! no, never,--I +didn't think about it,--only one on em stopped long,"--and she told me +about all of their doings. She could never make out but seven, though +she always asserted there were eight who had had her before me. + +I did not like either cock-sucking or cunt-licking at that epoch, and +stopped Kitty who was bent on stiffening it with her mouth. She had no +idea however of giving me a pleasure that way, it was simply curiosity +and novelty. Often she did the same thing, indeed always had a quarter +of an hour at it. + +I saw her about twice a week, sometimes more, it was all she could +manage "in dodging her mother." I gave her three and sixpence each time, +which made her quite happy and contented, and it was a very economical +pleasure to me. She learnt much from me, in six weeks blushed at +nothing, and was impatient to be fucked. "Do that afterwards," would she +say if I dallied long in the preliminaries, then quietly, "Oh! ain't +it pleasure!" she added in an artless satisfied way. Then somehow she +persuaded her mother that she might go out if fine for a little time in +the afternoon, and she was let out occasionally when the mother was +at home, but which rarely was the case; and then I saw the pretty lass +almost daily, but always in the afternoon; and her impatience to have +the pleasure of fucking became almost comical. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + Kitty's antecedents.--The fishmonger's.--Jim the shopman.-- + Betty the maid.--Females in bed.--Mutual curiosity.-- + Letchery and frigging.--Educated in coition.--Against the + kitchen-wall.--Jim in bed.--Betty's cunt washed out.--A look + in the basin.--Cousin Grace, and cousin Bob.--Bob on the + spree.--A scuffle.--Topsy-turvy.--Arsy-versy.--Bob's semen.-- + A masturbating duet.--Caught in the act.--Kicked out. + +I questioned her many a time, and put together here consecutively what +she said. She was as much pleased to gossip about it as I was. + +She was the daughter of a carpenter, had been kept at home to help +her mother, till six months previously to my meeting her, when growing +restive, and I dare say her animal vigor inciting her to go forth into +the world, she went into a situation at a fishmonger's who wanted some +girl to nurse a little child, his wife being ill. + +I believed she had told me most things about herself from the time the +doodle had first penetrated her: yet why had not such a big girl been +put to earn her living? she said that her mother was always in the +family way, or a child was ill, so she being the biggest helped at home. + +But she had been in service, about all of which she told me one hot +afternoon. Ice was then a luxury, they charged two pence extra for a +bottle of gingerbeer iced. She was fond of gingerbeer, we had some iced +with sherry, and lay on the bed drinking it as she told me her story +bit by bit. This is an account of my doings, and not of tales told me by +others, but I must tell _her_ tale, for I believed every bit of it, and +it is almost part of my own, and this is how it came out. + +"If you never spent with a man till you did with me, you had frigged +yourself." "I never did till the gal at the fishmonger's did it to +me,--we slept together." "Then you had been in service?" "Only two +months, I went to mind a little child." + +The fishmonger was a little struggling tradesman, in a house with a +shop on the ground-floor, and a little back-parlour, and kitchens, and a +cellar below where they kept fish-baskets. + +Over the shop were two rooms, one was the fishmonger's bed-room, and two +bed-rooms above. The wife was confined to her bed, and her husband slept +alone in the back-room which was usually the female servant's; so the +servant was put into a bed on the top-floor. This maid cooked, cleaned, +did everything, and had an eye as well to the shop if her Mistress was +ill, and when Master and his man were out; but she could not mind the +child as well. The fishmonger asked the carpenter if he knew of a strong +steady lass, the carpenter named his own girl, and Kitty went for grub, +lodging, and one and six a week. She was to sleep with the maid on the +top-floor over the rooms where Master and Mistress slept. The servant's +name was Betty. + +The fishmonger drank. A young man named Jim went with him to market, and +sometimes without him if he had been very drunk over night. Jim opened +the shop, harnessed the horse and cart, and every night when the Master +went to bed, Jim went to the underground kitchen, opened a cupboard, +pulled down something called a bed, and slept there. + +Jim was up first, and to bed but last, could not go to bed till the +maid-of-all-work was out of the kitchen. Jim pissed in the sink, and +made his own bed every morning as soon as he got up, which was done +by turning it up somehow into the cupboard, and then he called up his +Master and the maid. The privy was in the yard. + +Kitty took charge of the child, and the first night as she was going to +bed and took her things off Betty said, "Where is your night-gown?" "I +ain't got none," said Kitty, "I sleep in my shemmy." Betty tossed up +her head. Kitty cried. "Father's a poor man," said she, "but he's +respectable, and though I sleeps in my shemmy I am very clean, I washes +all over every day,--look at my legs and my neck,--but with my first +week's wages I'll buy a night-gown." + +"Never mind," said Betty, "you _are_ clean, and you're fat,--your +dad gives you lots of grub,--don't cry, I only said, 'where's your +night-gown?'--Lord you are fat for your age!--how old did you say you +were?--why what a big bum you've got for your age!" + +Kitty had been staring at Betty, and the hair on the bottom of her +belly. "She was so hairy," said Kitty to me, "I had never seen a woman +naked before, and the hair on her belly made me look." "Say on her cunt +Kitty." "Well on her cunt,--such lots, and so black,--I had seen gals' +things, my cousins used to show me theirs, and I showed them mine to see +how our hair was coming; but I did not think a woman could grow such a +lot there." + +It was a cold night, the girl and the woman were in bed. "Come closer, +we will be warmer." Kitty got closer, then Bet began feeling Kitty. How +smooth, how soft she was, how plump, and not quite fifteen?--what a +bum,--why her thighs were quite large. "Oh! don't mind I want to warm my +hand, between your thighs, put your hand between mine,--there,--you've +just a little hair coming on your thing,--feel mine, it's like the hair +on your head, isn't it?--I am only twenty-five,--but when you are +twenty you will have as much Kitty. Your hand is cold, put it between +my thighs, we will warm each other there. What a nice little thing your +cunt is," said Betty feeling the little one's. + +Soon the very first night they felt each other's flesh, Kitty wondering +at the cunt and hair of the grown woman, Betty thinking perhaps of what +I can only guess at. Kitty went to sleep with one hand between Betty's +thighs, and awaking in the night felt Betty again who was asleep and +snoring. She was a stout, big-built, fat-arsed, black-bristle-cunted +woman (that is from Kitty's description), but she must have been older +than she said, for the hair was thick and black in her armpits, and she +had slight hair on her lips besides. + +Betty got more free next night. "You've a sweetheart, and you let him +feel this little thing,--the men call it cunt." Kitty said she had not, +and had not been felt. "I know better, you let him put his cock up it." +Kitty did not. "What never been fucked?--that is what men call it,--let +me feel." "No." Betty felt Kitty's cunt, and hurt her. "Well I don't +believe you have,--you are a stupid,--it's half the pleasure of +life,--feel my cunt,--give me your hand,--there your fingers are on +it,--oh! it don't hurt, you may feel right up." + +Kitty was overwhelmed and ashamed. "I did not like it, but yet I felt so +curious that I let my fingers go where she placed them, and I felt all +about her thing." "Cunt Kitty." "Well about her cunt." + +So gradually at night the elder led on the younger, by talking, feeling, +and telling the little one all she knew, explaining the pleasures of +fucking, the male mysteries, and male tastes and habits, although she +was what was called respectable, and worked hard for her living as +maid-of-all-work. + +Betty pushed matters further. "I don't quite believe you are a +maid,--let me look,--would you not like to look at me?--show me yours, +I'll show you mine." Curiosity to see the cunt of a full-grown woman +took possession of Kit. + +On Sunday Jim had a holiday, the shop was shut, Allwork cooked the +dinner, then the fishmonger had grog, and went to lie down, Betty went +up to clean herself, Kitty and the child went up with her then Kitty +showed her cunt, and Betty showed hers. "It was big, and such lots of +hair,--I'd never seen one before," said Kitty, "she pulled it open wide, +afterwards she pulled mine open, and we looked at each other over and +over again. I'd seen my little sister's and cousin's, and two or three +other gals' things, but they were all young; I'd never seen a big +woman's." + +Kitty getting bolder asked if she had ever let a man do it to her. Yes, +she had been married, and knew all about it. "You never had a child?" +"Never you little fool, there are lots of ways of stopping that,--oh! +I love it, I wish I had a nice young man with a big prick here.--I wish +you were a man." She took Kitty in her arms, and put her on the bed. +"There, lay still on your back, open your legs, and I'll show you how a +man gets on." Kitty did. Then she pulled Kitty on to her, and made her +play the man. "There, move,--push your cunt up against mine,--up and +down,--quick,--there, that's how the man moves when he is fucking till +he spends,--then Lord! ain't he quiet!" + +Within a week the experienced woman talking to the girl about fucking, +had described its pleasures, explained its mysteries, acted and the mode +and manner of the doing, until Kitty felt wild to see, feel, and act it +for herself. + +"Don't you ever frig yourself?" said Bet. "No." "You know what it is?" +"Yes." Betty told of the pleasure a finger could bring her, but Kitty +was not forward in sexual wants, and she had not frigged herself or +known sexual pleasure in her cunt up to that time, though she had +fingered herself. + +"I'll frig you," said she. Kitty objected, but the talk of prick, of the +delight of the male and female in feeling and rubbing each other upset +Kitty, who was growing older, and whose animalism was perhaps rampant +that night. She left a lovely sensation all over her as Bet rubbed her +cunt, and she spent. Betty then took Kit's fingers, and rubbed her own +cunt. "What with _your_ fingers?" "Yes Kitty's fingers," and rubbed them +on her clitoris, and frigged herself with them, Kit supposed. + +That same night alying sleepless under the excitement of the novel +pleasure whilst Allwork snored, Kitty frigged herself. The next night +they frigged together. Betty said, "It's poor pleasure,--I likes a man, +and you'll like a chap,--some one will fancy you soon,--you let him do +it. When you have a great stiff cock up your cunt poking and poking, +and poking away,--oh! it's delicious, and you won't like frigging after +that." + +One night the fishmonger was out, Kitty put the child to bed (he had +the child to sleep in his bed usually). Bet and Kit were in the +shop-parlour, and Jim in the shop. Betty went down to the kitchen, Jim +soon afterwards told Kit to give an eye to the shop, and call him if +wanted, and down he went. Kitty who had been sharpened in three weeks, +who had seen Jim kissing Betty, and giving her funny pokes when he +thought no one was looking, went to the kitchen-stairs, and going down +a few steps slowly and peeping; saw Betty with her back up against the +wall, Jim close up to her and his hands round her, and his bum moving in +a funny way. She knew they were fucking, and fearful of being detected +came softly into the shop again; but she made a noise. Up came Betty, +the Master came home, and told Betty to go to bed, and Jim to shut up. +Soon after Betty washed her cunt. That seems to have been an operation +that Kitty never had seen her perform excepting on Sundays. Kitty then +felt sure that she had caught Bet at the pleasant exercise, for she had +heard how something thick and white came out of the man's cock, and how +it was wise to wash the cunt out afterwards. + +Betty seems to have been suspicious, for she began asking why she had +come down the stairs. To call Jim, a customer having come--but he had +gone away she replied. Betty was too clever to take that in. Did she see +her, she asked. Kitty had seen her and Jim standing close up in front of +her, "and he was moving about, and I told her," said Kitty. + +Kitty on being pressed said she thought they were doing what Betty had +said men and women did. "Fucking me?" "Yes." He was doing nothing of the +sort, that she would swear; but they did it sometimes, for he was going +to marry her soon, and after making Kitty promise not to tell, they went +to sleep. "If you tell," said the knowing older one, "you will lose your +place." + +Next night Betty said, "You be quiet, Jim is going to marry me soon, +only he don't wish it known, he is coming up when Master's asleep, and +going to lay down by the side of me,--you sham to be asleep." Kitty +remarked, "He can't lay here all night." No, when he had had his +pleasure he would go. Kitty had fear come over her, but promised, then +fell asleep, but awakened, and heard Jim say in a whisper, "She sleeps +like a top." Then was a rustling and rumpling about, and Jim cried, "Oh! +cunt," Betty said, "hush!" they kissed, sighed, and Jim crept softly +away, Betty got out and washed her cunt in the dark, and found Kit was +awake. + +This went on for several nights, Betty had oiled the lock and hinges of +the door, and when she heard the Master go up to bed, would softly open +the door, and leave it ajar. When Jim had emptied his ballocks he would +leave and close the door gently, Bet would light the candle, and wash +her cunt. One night she said to Kitty, "Come and see the stuff that +comes out of a man's prick." Kitty jumped out of bed, saw the seminal +sediment that Betty had washed out of her, and stood looking at Jim's +spendings at the bottom of the wash-stand basin. "Look how thick it is," +said Bet. "We have no thick stuff, have we?" Then she felt it. "You are +a beast," said Kit. "Wait till you have a sweetheart," said Bet. + +"Why," said I to Kit, "I asked you before if you had seen any one frig, +and you said only your cousin." "Yes," replied she, "my cousin Grace, +you didn't ask me about any one else, but I did see a young man once do +it to himself," added Kitty, "it was my cousin Bob." + +I made her tell me all about that. She had cousins male and female, one +named Grace her friend, and a cousin Bob, who used to go and see them; +he was a favorite of Kitty's mother, a lad of sixteen, a carpenter. +Grace must have been about a year older than Kitty. + +Kitty's parents lived in two rooms, and had the right to use a +wash-house. I am sure from all she said they were steady working-people. +The mother went out sometimes charring, leaving Kitty at home to mind +the children. She was useful at home, mended and made their linen. Grace +often used to help her at needle-work. + +Before Kit went to the fishmonger's she was at home one day mending, and +Grace with her. Grace was always talking about what she knew, and had +frigged herself before Kit. Kit had tried to frig, but got nothing but +a pleasant sort of feeling, nothing approaching the luscious crisis that +she felt when Betty tried her middle-finger on her clitoris. + +A knock at the door. "Who is there?" "Bob." Kitty had been forbidden +under pain of having her ears boxed, to let Bob or any one else in when +her parents were out. "You can't come in," she cried. "Let's in for a +minute, I've got something to tell you." "Tell me through the door." "No +they will hear upstairs." "No." Bob began rapping a tune with his fists +on the door. Grace said, "The lodgers will tell your mother." Bob who +seems to have been a little fresh said, "Oh! won't you be sorry," and +tramped downstairs. + +A noise outside. "Why there he is again." "Is that you Bob?" No reply. +"See if it's some one else." There was a shuffling outside. Grace got +up and cautiously opened the door peeping. A big foot was thrust in, and +she couldn't close it, then pushing the door wide open, and himself into +the room comes Bob. Probably with the instinct of what might follow Kit +had thrust the two children into the bed-room. Females are strange and +cunning animals; even at an early age, cunt is always ready, always +inciting, and preparing them for cock; knowing or unknowingly, whether +for intrigue, or objectless, or for the delight of doing what is +forbidden; cunt is always inciting the female to help the male, for +"cock and cunt must come together," as poor Fred said. + +Bob was making a half-holiday, had had enough beer to elevate him, and +was of an age at which a prick has a habit of getting inconveniently +stiff. If you can't afford to pay for cunt, or don't know a cunt which +will take you up it for love, your prick is a restless article, which +will insist on the buttocks pushing it somewhere or somehow, till the +stiffness is taken out of it. + +A frisky youth with restless cods was in the room with two girls, one of +whom was also frisky, and the younger inquisitive. They got joking, he +kissed them, they tickled him, till he threw himself on the floor, and +rolled about as the girls tormented him, and thought they were getting +the best of him. He suddenly caught hold of them both, pulled them on to +the floor in a heap, one on the top of him one by his side, and holding +one one way, and the second another way, managed to put his hand on to +one's cunt, turned the other over, and lifting up her clothes slapped +her naked backside; they struggling and crying out at the attack on +their sacred privates, he fighting, overturning, and exposing the limbs +of the lasses, until, as Kitty said, "he's seed all we'd got to be seen +over and over again." + +This quieted Kitty and Grace. When released they called him a +blackguard, and told him to go out of their room. "I'll tell my mother," +said Kitty. "Tell her," said Bob, "tell her you saw this," pulling out a +stiff prick, "as stiff as yours," said Kitty, who was laying at the side +of the bed feeling my cock about whilst telling me. + +"We turned away, then turned round, it was still out, he had got it in +his hand, and was grinning. Grace said, 'Let's go to the children', +and burst out laughing, so did I, because she did." Kitty stopped her, +saying, "Don't let the children see him, they may tell mother." After a +time they turned round again, the fascination of the prick was on them, +both wanted to see it. Grace winked at Kitty. "Go away Bob," said Grace, +"you'll get Kitty's ears boxed if it's known you have come in." "Don't +care," said Bob, "show me your cunts, and I will. Cocky, cunty, cocky, +cunty," he sang out, "look here,--come and feel it." + +"I don't know what you mean," said Grace turning round again. (Kitty +said that Grace told her afterwards she wanted to see as much of his +thing as she could.) "Show us the crack between your thighs." "You +beast, I've a good mind to hit you," said Grace. "Come on," said he. +"You go." "Feel my prick first." "I won't." "You Kitty." "I won't you +beast." "But," said she, "I was curious like to feel it for all I said +'no' to him, and so was Grace." + +Bob ran at Grace, and catching her, pulled up her clothes, and felt her; +then running after Kit, he did the same, the whole three were yelling, +Bob with his prick out promising to go if they felt him, they frightened +of the mother coming home. + +They were much agitated now, the children in the bed-room were crying +at the row, and both girls threatening to call the lodger upstairs. +"Let me," said he, "let me put my cock just on your naked thighs,--do, +--do,--do,--only for a minute." "Shan't you beast." "Oh! I must do it," +said Bob, "I must,--hooo," and then sitting down on a chair, Bob +closed his eyes, frigged away, and saying, "Oh! it ought to be in your +ck--ck--cunt," spent, the two girls looking at him and at the sperm +jetting out on to the floor. + +They stood looking, never uttered a word, and fear came over them lest +Kitty's mother should come home, and catch him there with his cock out, +and his sperm on the floor. "Go, there is a good young man,--mother will +be home directly,--oh! that's her footstep,--run upstairs, and wait till +she's in." Bob whose nervous system was I dare say a little shaken by +his frig, buttoned up his trowsers, and ran out of the room. The girls +locked the door and listened,--it was not the mother, then they began to +talk. + +"That's it on the floor,--that's what comes out of a man's cock when he +puts it up a woman's thing," said Grace,--"it's that which gets a woman +in the family way,--it's that which gives them both pleasure when they +do it together, when _his_ thing is up _her_ thing." + +Grace told all she knew, that when her mother was "lying in," she once +peeped through a key-hole, and saw her father frig himself. They talked +of the pleasure they had heard it gave the woman to have that warm +injection up her. Grace frigged herself, Kitty tried but got no +pleasure, they sat opposite each other on chairs, Bob's spunk still on +the floor. That was the only time she had ever seen spunk till she +saw Jim's in the wash-hand basin. "Should you like to see mine Kitty?" +"Shouldn't I!" said she. "You shall some day,"--and one day she frigged +me. + +Kitty was quite artless when she told me this, she had taken a liking to +me, though I did not then know it, and was delighted to tell me all, it +seemed quite a relief to her to do so. She had never spoken to any one +else about it. To a man? she should think not,--it was not likely, and +though I asked her often and often about it at times she never varied +the account. I believed it implicitly, and that is why I narrate it +here. + +Several nights Jim served Betty so, till one night Kitty sneezed. "The +girl's awake," said Jim. "Who is that?" said Kitty shamming, though she +knew full well. "It's Jim,--you won't tell, will you?" said Betty. "I +have told her you are going to marry me,--have I not Kit?" Jim went on +tailing his mistress, but now that he knew Kit was awake he put out his +hand and felt Kitty's bum whilst fucking. "Did you tell Betty that?" +said I. "No," said Kit laughing. + +Next night Betty who seems to have taken delight in debauching Kit, made +her feel Jim's prick, she pulled her hand to it. "I thought I liked to +feel, but I shammed that I did not." "Was it big?" "It seemed bigger +than yours, but I didn't see it." + +This went on for a fortnight or so, Kitty feeling always afraid that +they would be found out, and so it came to pass. Illicit fucking in a +house not your own is sure to bring trouble. + +The Mistress' sister came to nurse her, and slept in her room. Betty +said the sister gave a lot of trouble, and was always poking her nose +where she had not business to poke it. Jim did not come up for one or +two nights, he had heard some one moving either in the Master's, or +in the sick woman's room. Kitty was glad of it. Jim I suppose at last +randied out of his prudence one night, and Betty reckless for want of +fucking, told him to come, and up he came. Then a violent knock at the +door came just as he was fucking Betty. + +"Who is that?" "Me." "Wait a minute sir." "Open it, or I will break the +door open." "Wait sir, I'm not dressed." In came the door with a crash. +Jim was just by the bed, Kitty standing by Betty, for both got up. +At the door was the Master and his sister-in-law. "You damned whoring +bitch," said the Master to Betty, "at day-light out you go from my +house." + +The sister-in-law turned down the bed, looked at it, and then at Kitty. +"Please Maam it's no fault of mine," said Kit. "You dirty little hussy, +why did you not tell what was going on,--your father shall hear of +this." "Dress yourself," said the fishmonger to Betty. "Leave them alone +till the morning," said the sister-in-law,"--and both left the room. Jim +half-dressed, without speaking a word, had crept downstairs whilst the +talk was going on. The Master did not speak to him at all. + +"They will sack us both," said Betty. Kitty began to cry. "You are a +fool, there are lots of places. I hope old Vinegar-Chops liked the look +of it," said Betty lifting up the towel (there were the drippings from +Betty's cunt on it),--"I dare say the sour-faced beast knows what it +is,---don't you cry, you will get a living if your father does turn you +out, any girl can so long as she has a good face, and something warm +between her thighs." That was Betty's comfort to Kitty. + +After breakfast the Master put Betty outside the door, Kitty's mother +was sent for, who boxed her ears all the way home, and the father +knocked her down when he came home. "If I thought you'd turn a whore," +said he, "I'd murder you." She told her mother the truth entirely, but +only got her ears boxed still more,--she should have told her Master, +the mother said. After this she was again kept at home, a short time +after her father died, her mother changed her quarters, keeping her +indoors to take care of the children, and had no idea that her daughter +was getting fucked to enable her to buy sausage-rolls, as well as for +the pleasure of having a male. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + Sausage-rolls, and consequences.--Kitty's home.--The little + ones.--A saucy cabman.--Catamenia.--Fucking economies.-- + Changing money.--Pol and the bargee.--Kit implicated.--A + black eye and bruised rump.---A little boy's cock.-- + Preparation for travel.--'Kit's regret.--Bessie in tears.-- + Amusements abroad.--Home again.--Kitty a strumpet.--An + evening at B.w Street.--Kitty's eight months doings. + +One day I took some sausage-rolls to the baudy house, she clawed hold +of one directly. "Ain't they prime!" said she, and never ceased till +she had finished them all--such a lot,--then she turned pale. "I must go +home," she said. "Why?" She began putting on her things. "What is your +hurry?" "I can't wait." "Are you ill?" "Yes,--yes,--I must go." "Then I +won't pay you." "I'm not well." "How,--you want to go to the privy!" "I +do," said the girl hanging her head. I rang the bell, told the woman to +show the lass where to ease herself. When she came back I could not +get her to look me in the face, and thinking of her operation gave me +a distaste for her that day, so I let her go without doing anything. +Ridiculous that of course, but I tell things just as they occurred. + +When it rained, and she could not meet me, how angry she was. "If I buy +an umbrella mother will wonder where I got it." Once she nearly got wet +through, and I did not see her that time, because I did not expect her +to be out. + +She told me where she lived, and I arranged that if it rained I would go +to the front of the house in a cab. I did that once only, and the cabman +insolently demanded about five times his fare when I got down at E----r +Street, saying I had enticed a young girl into the cab. "Yer haught to +be glad to be let orf with ten bob," said cabby, "think yerself lucky a +peeler don't drop on you for taking a young gal like that,--yah! you're +a swell, ain't yer?--yah!--yah!--poop!"--and off he drove. + +She began to deplore her poor dress, bought a pair of white stockings, +and I kept them for her, because she was afraid of taking them home. +"Oh! ain't I kept under," said she, "I hate it,--I have a good mind to +bolt." "Then you will turn gay." "Well I would like to dress nice, and +do as I like, instead of minding children and working." I persuaded her +not. + +"Have you had no other man but me for the last two months?" "Only one," +she said, "but I'm never out if it rains, and I can't get out of nights +cause of mother, and I wash and mend,--so how can I?" "I'll go and ask +for some one else at your room, to see if you're in or not." "Do,--if I +don't open the door, mother will, on Monday I'll take the brats into the +Waterloo road for a walk." She did, and I saw her. How short her clothes +were! a carman as he passed stooped down, and gave her legs a pinch. Her +mother was at home. + +The girl grew fast, each week she seemed bigger than the week +previously, the sausage-rolls agreed with her, the hair on her cunt +lengthened,--she was so pleased when I remarked it,--her desire was to +have as much hair on her quim as Betty had. Then she began to get heavy, +dull, and drooping. One day I had her on the side of the bed, just for +variety sake, for sometimes I found it delightful to see my prick up to +its roots in her, and the next instant its tip. Her cunt felt very wet, +looking at my half-uncunted prick it was covered with blood. I pulled +it out, a red stream followed running all over her chemise. I had never +seen such a sight before when fucking, and only once I think since, +though I have poked women in that state. + +"What is the matter?" said I startled for the moment, "you're poorly?" + +"Oh!" cried out the girl, "I must go to mother,--ohl let me go." I tried +to comfort her, she took no notice of me, but dressed and ran out of the +house quickly, white with terror and without her money. That night I +had Brighton Bessie, and told her about it. Bessie said the dirty little +bitch ought to be flogged by the hangman; if she had her way all such +young bitches should be sent to prison, and the men who had them ought +to be punished as well. + +Kit's first poorliness had come on, that accounted for her dullness, she +had no idea of what was taking place in her, her mother had not warned +her. Of course, the girl knew of the ailment common to her sex, but +her monthlies had taken her by surprise. I never knew a girl more +unaffectedly modest than Kitty was the next time she met me after her +accident, as we called it. + +Said she one day, "Give me a sovereign for this silver (savings out of +the money I had given her), I don't know where to put it, it jingles in +my pocket,--I am afraid of dropping it, and mother finding it out." + +She had put it in a crack between the skirting and the inside of a +cupboard lining as near as I could make out, until it was a pound's +worth. "What a pity I can't buy some nice clothes, is it not?" said she. +Poor Kitty was amusing, but I saw she was brewing mischief after she had +had her monthlies, or was what she called "a full woman." Several times +as she took my money she said it was no good to her, as she could only +buy things to eat. She was getting restless. When I told her I should be +in the Strand one day, if it were not wet. "Oh! do come, if it's wet or +not,--I _will_ meet you." "But your mother?" "Don't care,--if she says +anything I'll tell her I'll run away." + +Said she one day, "Hasn't Pol got it? her mother has nearly murdered +her,--oh! Lor she is bruised all over." Then she told me that the little +dark girl I had had was caught in the privy with a man,--"oh! such a big +un, he is much taller than you,--she was standing on the privy-seat with +her legs wide open, and he was trying to do it to her." The mother had +suspected, had the little imp watched, and caught the man in the +act. "How he could do it I don't know," said Kit, "but he is a +bargeman,--such a big man!--and the little beast stood on the privy-seat +too." Kitty was scandalized at that. + +It was some days before I saw her again, then she was slovenly and had a +black eye, and began to cry. "It's mother," she sobbed, "look here." She +pulled off her things, and showed me wales and bruises. "Mother did it," +said she sobbing, "my bottom's bruised,--she held me down, and hit me +with a brush,--look," said Kitty turning up her lily-white arse for me +to see. + +Her young friend who had not long before had my prick up her cunt, and +then the bargeman's, had sought to excuse herself by saying Kitty was as +bad. Mother told mother, Kitty was battered by her mother, and had been +locked up, there had been row after row, till Kitty would not eat, nor +wash, nor mend,--she fought her mother, she threatened to run away, and +to turn gay. Said the mother, "Your father always said you would, he +would turn round in his grave if he knew what you are saying. + +"I made my brother's cock stiff," said she one day as she was playing +what we called cherry-bob with my prick, i.e. taking the tip in her +mouth when it was limp, and shooting it out again, just as you see +children do with cherries. "Your little brother?" "Yes,--I washed him, +pulled it backwards and forwards, as if I were washing him, so that he +should not know what I was about." "Did it get stiff?" "Quite, and he +seemed to like it," said she, "he asked me to go on doing it." + +During all this time I had occasionally seen Bessie, for a youthful +cunt never did give me full physical enjoyment, nor fetch me like a +full-grown one, although as an occasional letch it was delicious. After +her monthlies had arranged themselves I fancied Kitty was more luscious, +and her discharge more copious, yet I often used to think of the +spanking posteriors and full crisp-haired cunt of Bessie whilst +operating on Kit. A light-haired quim I also never liked, it was the +artlessness, frankness, and freshness of Kitty which kept me to her so +long. + +I was going abroad. When I told Kitty this she broke into tears. "Oh! +what shall I do!--don't go," said she. The little lass was fond of me; +a thing I never had dreamed of. She promised me to go to service, and +leave off fucking; but she never did. + +Then I told Bessie, and she began to cry, and said, "It's always the +way,--directly I like a man I lose him." I thought she was shamming, but +the last night I had her, she would take no money, said if I gave it to +her, she would throw it into the streets. + +Glad to be from England, alone,--alone, I hoped to be sent to------, +but got no further than------. There I had women enough. All women +there were examined by medical men weekly, just as they are at------, +and many a fine Spanish woman, and coarse but well-built English woman +I had for half-a-crown a piece. I was recalled after seven months, and +within a few days was in the Strand, but saw no Kitty until one night in +early Summer. "Oh! it's you,--I'm so glad," said a female. It was Kitty, +delighted. I did not know her for the instant, but in ten minutes we +were fucking. How glad she was to see me; she was a well grown young +woman, and lovely, her breasts were well developed, her calves and bum +as well, although she was not seventeen. + +She had quarrelled with her mother, left, and set up as harlot. It +was wonderful what harlotry had done in giving her taste in dress, +deportment, style of walking, and even in language. She had learned the +value of her cunt, it was no longer three and six, but twenty shillings. +"I don't want _your_ money," said she, "let's talk of old times." We +spent several evenings together. One man almost kept her, she thought he +was going to keep her altogether, and hoped so. + +I had taken her to the house in B.w Street, quietly there we talked all +things over; we laughed over the affair of Pol and the coal-heaver, the +sausage-rolls, the lost ten shillings, the afternoon her poorliness came +on. "So you are gay,--do you like the life?" She really did, got lots of +money, and now kept her mother who had been disabled by rheumatic fever. +I saw her daily for a week or two afterwards, and we fucked to our +hearts' content. Her motte was delicately hairy now, and of dark golden +colour, slightly brownish. Then I went to the sea-side. When I came back +to London, looking for her everywhere, I could not find her, and though +I longed for her very much, was obliged to render myself happy with +others. + +To complete her history I must go forward two or three years when I had +been madly in love with a gay woman as I shall tell, but had quarrelled +with her for presuming on my love, and resolutely abstained from seeing +her, doing however great violence to my affection and inclination. I +used to go to the baudy house in J...s Street (not yet mentioned), and +cry to its Mistress who would ask me to let her send to the lady of my +affection (Miss M...s),--but of this more presently. + +After reading over this part of my narrative relating to Kitty written +full thirty years ago, I add these few words. + +My secret life was written for my own pleasure, and to be a narrative of +what I myself saw and did, and nothing else. I have pretty well adhered +to that, but my fun with Kitty took place within a few years after I +began to write, and describe the amatory episodes as leisure inclined +me, and as they seemed to me unusually amusing or illustrative. I +arranged them in order afterwards. Nothing at that time had been so +piquant in my acquaintance with harlots as Kitty's had been. I had +not then had much to do with lasses as young as she was, the novelty +therefore I suppose made me write out her narrative intermixed with my +own, at the length it has reached. + +Besides Kitty was really quite original, her freshness, frankness, and +truthfulness impressed me much, and after much experience since in the +ways of frail ones, I believe now that what she told me was mainly true, +and am sure she was delighted to get a confident in me, to whom she +could unbosom herself unreservedly. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + Brighton Bessie.--Change irresistable.--Bessie in quod.-- + Lewd effects.--Spooning.--Her home.--Her cabman.-- + Reflexions.--Two years after.--Five years later on.--The + mouse's promenade.--Bessie disappears. + +I met in the Strand one night Bessie, who put her arms round me. I +repulsed her, she saw her mistake, and followed me to a baudy house. +Inside she began kissing me excitedly, and said she was so glad to see +me back, that she did not know what she was about. It was not our usual +house, I was in a hurry, so after I had fucked her was going away. "What +one fuck only!--you have not had me for a year nearly,--I'm damned +if you go till you have given me another,--that dear old prick, I've +thought of it fifty times when I have been poked." So I fucked her +again, and afterwards resumed seeing her, for she was much to my taste +sexually. I had many voluptuous amusements with her which she liked and +invited, although I have no recollection of playing any of those curious +erotic tricks which gratified me later on in life, nice attitudes being +then for the most part enough for me. My balls were running over with +sperm in those days, and if I could control myself for a few minutes +when my prick was stiff, it was as much as I could do. Bessie was +full-blooded, and loved to take her fucking with me, kissing me +furiously as her pleasure came on. We used again to pass hours at the +house in B.w Street, reading, drinking, talking, and copulating at +intervals. + +Yet I went after other women for all that, for fresh cunt was +irresistable. Once when I had been away I missed her for a few days, +then I saw her coming out of a public-house. "Oh! I'm so glad,--I've +been locked up,--it's a damned shame," she cried out, "I was marched off +without having said a word by a police-man,--blast him!--and all because +I would not let the bugger fuck me one night up in ------ Street,--I'd +never let a policeman touch me,--damn them all." She spoke loud to a man +and two or three sympathizing women, a mob began to gather round her, so +noisy was she. + +I turned as quickly as I could up a side-street, she following me. "Oh! +come my dear, come,--how glad I am to see you,--I did nothing but think +of you whilst I was locked up,--oh! God I'm dying for a fuck,--a whole +fortnight I've not had it, and I did nothing but think of you when I +frigged myself." There was a roar of laughter from half-a-dozen women +who had followed her. "Shut up," said some one. "Ain't she a letting +out!" said another. "Ain't you ashamed of yourself?" said a third. "It's +one of her men," said another. "She is a nice woman," said some one +else. "It was a damned shame," said another. "I know him," said a voice, +"he wants every woman in the Strand, and if he don't get them he walks +them off." "Yes the bugger." "She is just out." "Yes, and he quodded +Mary Summers last night." "And he is a married man with a large +family,"--and so on. I felt overwhelmed, and inclined to run away. She +turned into the first house which had a door open, and I was glad when +the friendly red-curtained door closed behind me, she galloping upstairs +in front of me, showing her fat calves. I followed Bessie into a +bed-room. + +"Five shillings," said the woman to me. "It's all right,--you go,--he's +an old friend of mine,--don't bother," said Bessie pushing the servant +out of the room, and slamming tie door, then throwing her bonnet on +a chair she caught hold of me, gluing her lips to mine, feeling at my +trowsers front she cried out, "Let's fuck,--come and fuck me,--I'm dying +for you,--a fuck from you,--oh! put your prick up." She had got it out, +threw herself on the bed opening her thighs wide, and showing her cuntal +beauties, calling on me to fuck her. I mounted her immediately, it was +impossible to withstand her randy impetuousity; contagious lewdness +coursed through my veins. + +"Oh! my God," said she as my prick drove home, "I'm coming,--oh! +my God,--fuck,--fuck,--oh! I'm spending,--oh! my +darling,--fuck,--spend,--oh!--oooh!" I never had a woman in a higher +state of randiness, she would not let me go till I had fully eased her +passions, she lavished expressions of love and tenderness on me. "Don't +pull it out,--there dear, there,--lay still on me, I'll keep it up, it +will be stiff again,--there it's stiff now." I stopped with her some +hours. A policeman on the beat she said, had taken a fancy to her, had +asked her to let him do it to her up against the dark wall at the back +of E.... r H.. l. She would not, he threatened, still she refused, so he +took her to the station one night on the plea of her annoying gentlemen, +and the magistrate gave her a fortnight in prison. She had come out that +very day, and was rather tight. + +In a few weeks Bessie got more and more friendly. I was the first to +leave, and she to ask what was my hurry. When I thought I had been +detaining her too long for my moderate compliment, she would say, "Oh! +never mind, I'll make ten shillings do,--I'm not in debt,--before the +theatres are over I dare say I'll get engaged." It was impossible to +avoid seeing she was getting affectionate. She would sit or lay talking, +feeling, or kissing me for hours, whilst her expressions of pleasure +when I was stirring up her vitals equalled those of any woman who has +ever loved me or enjoyed my embraces. + +One night I was charged twice for the room, for stopping long, and +said something about not being able to afford it. That brought forth a +proposition, one of the most curious I ever had in my life. + +Said she, "It's a lot of money to spend on the rooms,--come to my rooms; +they would be too humble for you, but they are clean and nice,--drop me +a line, and I will always be at home,--and you would be more comfortable +than at these houses, and have nothing to pay." Then after hesitation, +and as if reflecting, she said she lived in the New North road where she +had either a small house or rooms in one, I don't quite recollect which. +"It's paid for by a friend of mine, he gives me ten shillings a week. +Now don't think little of me because I tell you this,--he is only a +cabman, he sleeps with me nearly always, he's a nice clean, steady man, +and behaves well to me; but I don't like him since I've known you. You +can come when you like, and sleep with me when you like,--I'll give +him up, he shall never come near me again, and I'll always be there for +you,--you will see what a large comfortable bed I've got,--but you must +pay for the rooms, I must feel sure of a roof over me,--I don't care +about anything else,--then you can see me when you like, give me what +you like,--nothing if you have not got it,--I don't want your money, +I'll get that as I now do." + +She said all this in a humble way looking at me, tears half filled her +eyes, her tone was sad; it was in its way a clear but simple declaration +of affection for me. I saw it, felt it, but shunned it; for a strange +dislike to a gay woman loving me came over me, some sort of undefined +idea that I should be a species of fancy-man, a man whom I always +thought at that time was a baudy house bully; and the offer of Bessie +oppressed me. + +I told her she was very kind, that I appreciated it, but it was a long +way off,--I would not think of it,--I did not wish her to give up a +friend for me,--that there were obstacles to my accepting which I could +not tell her of, and so on. I scarcely knew what to say in refusing +without wounding her feelings. + +"I am sorry I told you, for you won't think as much of me as you +did,--it's the simple truth,--you don't believe me?--only come up and +see me." But I could not then think of displacing a cabman, I did not +even like to think of my prick having taken its pleasure in the cunt +which had wriggled the prick of a cabman. My experience in life might +have told me, had I thought about it, that the possibility was that my +prick might have rubbed up the same channel that a burglar's had. I +only saw that I was asked to displace a common man in the affection of +a street-doxy, I appreciated the affection which prompted the offer of +exchange, felt gratified and sorry at the same time, especially when I +saw tears in the poor woman's eyes. + +I again said I would if it were not such a long way off, but perhaps I +would, and so on. I never did go to her house, but saw her from time to +time, until I fell madly in love with a lady of pleasure and would have +given almost my life for her to have loved me. So Bessie was avenged, +for I had fallen in love with a doxy after all. + +When this infatuation occurred I ceased seeing Bessie. Then in my +trouble a year or two afterwards I sought her again, and told her my +trouble. "Ah! you would not love me when I was fond of you, but you love +her, and she plays on it,--don't you let her fool you," said Bessie, +"she has got a man,--all you give her he will get, I know it from what +you tell me." Bessie was right, but Sarah after a time as I shall tell, +did not deceive me about the matter. + +Then I missed Bessie for a year or two, then found her again in the +Strand, she was much altered. "I don't think I ever liked a man to fuck +me as I do you," said she one night as she enjoyed me, "if you had but +come up to my little home you would have saved me a lot of trouble." But +I could not get out of her what she meant by that. + +Full five years afterwards, when roaming about not far from the +Haymarket one night I met her, and scarcely knew her. She stopped short, +"You Bessie!" "Ah! yes it's Brighton Bessie, but I'm sadly altered, sure +enough." "And you knew me?" "Know you!--I should know you by your eyes, +if I saw nothing more of your face but your eyes,--I should know you to +the last day of your life," said she. She was always talking about my +eyes. She had seen me several times, but had not dared to accost me she +said. I told her she always might. + +I took her to what had become my favorite baudy house. It was a hot +night, and we fucked on the sofa. She had become flabby, and said she +had ill health, but I could glean nothing from her about her career, +excepting that for some years she had not been gay. We stripped naked, +and had just finished fucking her on the sofa when I felt something +running over my legs, bum and back over my shoulder, on to hers. It was +instantaneous. Then I saw a mouse which had run over us, and went fast +up the wall into some red curtains where it was lost,--it made her +shudder, and me too. That is one of the odd events by which I shall +always recollect the last time I had Brighton Bessie. "You won't see me +again I dare say," said she in a plaintive tone, and a tear in her +eye as we parted. I said I dare say I should. "No you won't,--good bye +dear." With a sigh the poor woman left me, and I never saw her again. + +It was whilst I was frequenting Bessie, and occasionally other doxies +that the following adventure occurred. + +I was frequently now at my mother's house, my brother was away, and both +my sisters married. I used to stop with her for days together, finding +that a relief from home misery, and also agreeable company to her, who +was now so much alone. I also at times stopped with one of my sisters +whose husband I liked; the other lived some distance from London. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + Washerwomen.--Matilda and Esther.--A peep over a wall.-- + Eaves dropping.--A girl's wants.--Shaking a tooleywag.--A + promenade by a barrow.--Disclosures.--A snatch and a + scuffle.--An assignation. + +I went to see my mother one day in Summer, and after luncheon walked +to the end of the garden often mentioned. At one side of it was a +road which gave access to a gentleman's house, and on the other to my +mother's. There the carriage-road stopped, and a foot-path began. At the +junction was a mews wide enough for a cart, which ran at the end of our +garden and those adjoining. Our entrance to it had been disused, _we_ +having one in the side-wall opening on to the road, and the neighbours +rarely used their back-entrances. The mews was grass-grown. On the +opposite side to our garden-walls was the wall of very large grounds. A +gate not locked, formed of open bars was at the end of the mews next to +the road. + +The footpath mentioned passed between walls of large gardens, and the +between fields, until it joined a road on the other side of which was +the village church-yard, through which the footway passage continued +till again a high-road intervened. This continuous footway formed +a short cut to a distant part of the parish. It was not much used +excepting on Sundays, and by lovers who walked there on summer nights. I +had found out years before that the mews at the back of our house was an +occasional pissing-place, it being round the corner, and out of sight. +I used to peep over the wall in hopes of seeing a female at that +operation, mounting to do so by the gardener's ladder. When I saw a +woman piddle it was great delight to me, but I more frequently saw men +whose cocks had no attraction for me. On Sunday nights after church, the +splash and rustle of petticoats could be heard, but not seen; the sight +was however rare at any time, for few people had the boldness to push +open the gate, and enter the mews. + +I never saw copulation, the greatest fun I had was once seeing a female +bogging, who turned round and gathered two or three of the largest +leaves from the lime-trees in our gardens which overhung the wall, wiped +her arse with them, and left them sticking on the top of her turds; but +she never noticed a youth peeping just over her head. One reason why I +was never detected watching was that women always turned their bums to +our wall, and so I was at the back of them. Charlotte and I have both +looked over the wall. + +The wall was mostly covered with our ivy, which fell down in thick +masses on the mews side; lime-trees at intervals completed the screen. +Any one peeping down from above could be sufficiently hidden if he +put his head carefully above the wall at places, and pushed aside the +boughs. On the day I speak of, I walked round the garden thinking of old +times, of how Charlotte and I used to see if the cook was talking to +the gardener before we began our amourous play, of the pranks Fred and +others played there, and all the occurrences of my youth, which had +taken place in the house and garden. + +The gardener was away. I thought I would look over the wall; so placing +the ladder got up, and looking down saw two girls sitting on the handles +of a barrow on which were baskets filled with linen. One looked about +sixteen, the other a little older. It was a dreadfully hot day, the +barrow was at the angle of the mews. They were talking, and I moved the +ladder to get a place nearer to them and not to be seen; for to watch +and hear women who thought themselves unobserved and unheard, was always +a delight to me. If you ever hear two women talking on amorous subjects, +their disclosures you will find are always charming to a man. + +At the angle of our garden, and just where the road joined the mews, a +large notice-board had been put up for some purpose since I had lived +there; it was just outside and higher than our wall. Between the back of +it and the wall was a space of a few inches. Our ivy had grown up it +at places, and filled up most of the space, but enough was left at +the angle to let me look down on the barrow which was just outside the +mews-gate, out of the way of what small traffic there was, the gate of +the mews being wide open. Then of all my eaves dropping I have never yet +heard anything so amusing as I did then. The air was solemnly quiet in +the hot summer's afternoon and though the girls spoke quite softly, I +heard them well. + +"I should like to feel what it is like," said the youngest whose face +was towards me. There was a mixture of fun, audacity, curiosity and +lewdness on that girl's face. "Hish! some one will hear you," and +something else I could not hear, said the other. "_Fuck_--there then," +said the young one saucily and laughing. The older gave her a slap. "Now +you may take the things home alone,--I won't help." "If you don't I'll +tell mother." "Don't care." "Yes you do,--what did you say it +for?" "Didn't _you_ say it?" "I didn't bawl it out you fool." +"_Fuck_,--there,--there," said the younger going off. "There it may stay +then," said the older angrily, and she moved also off round the corner. +They were both out of sight in a second, but I heard their voices +quarrelling, the barrow and clothes-baskets were unattended just outside +the mews-gate. + +A labouring man came along in the opposite direction. Seeing the barrow +he stood and looked round in all directions, turned into the mews, and +I think he was going to steal, but thought better of it. I had peeped +quite round the board, but had dropped into the old place again, the +man turned to the wall, and pissed just under me, his head turned, and +looking at the clothes-baskets all the time, then he drew the foreskin +backwards and forwards when he had finished, till his prick was +standing, an article any man might have been proud of; he played +with it, and might have been going to frig himself had he not been +interrupted. + +The girls came back round the corner just then still wrangling, they +stopped as they came on the man, who turning round shook his tooleywag +at them, and moved out of sight, but not out of my hearing. "This is the +sort of thing that would please you," said he wagging it. "Go along you +beast, I'll call a policeman." "You wouldn't call out if it was up your +cunt,"--and he walked off laughing. The girls were quiet for an instant, +and then laughed. "Hish!" said one, "he is not gone." The other looked +round the corner, and said he had; then they laughed loudly. + +"Was it not big!" "Did you see it?" "Yes, and stiff,--ha--ha--ha." +"He--he--he." "It looked as if it would split any one," said the little +one who sat down on the barrow-handle again. "Sarah says the bigger it +is the better it is," said the other, and then they laughed. "Hush!" +said the bigger one, "some one may hear us." Turning her rump to the +wall she pissed just where the man had. The little one did the same, +then off they went, one trundling, the other holding the baskets steady. +They took the heavy work in turns I found. + +I rushed to the house, then out, and followed the girls, a desire to +show them _my_ prick was on me. As I followed my intentions cooled, +fearing they might tell a policeman. I had not the experience then that +I now have, or should have feared nothing of the sort, for girls tell +no one but each other if they see a man's prick. I overtook them in the +church-yard (they were resting again on the barrow-handles), and entered +into conversation with them, delighted at their demure faces, knowing +that they had just seen a prick, that one had said "fuck," and that +I had seen both piss. A notion of getting the younger one by herself +restrained me from blurting out what was in my mind, but my delight +really was in looking at, and talking with them, thinking that fucking +might and probably was in their mind at the moment I accosted them. + +They were coarse, middle-sized, well-fed, sturdy-limbed, dark-eyed +wenches, unmistakeably sisters. Excepting for one being shorter than +the other you would scarcely have known there was a difference in their +ages; both had bare arms, one had her frock well pinned up behind over +her petticoats, both had short petticoats, thick ankles and strong +boots, a washerwoman was then not ashamed of showing what she was, and +they always wore dazzling white stockings,--and these girls did. I +asked where they lived, they answered readily. I knew the lane well, all +the washerwomen in the village were there. + +In my lewdness I forgot everything but the pleasure of speaking to the +girls. A middle-aged lady passed us accompanied by two or three very +young women, who stared hard at me. The barrow-girls stood up and +curtsied as they passed, and naming them. I knew them, and a few years +before had romped and played with the young ladies, then children. +The last time I had seen them there was not a hair on any one of their +cunts; I expect that now their cunts were full-wigged, and well frigged +into the bargain. They had recognized me, as I heard from my mother +afterwards, I did not recognize them, they having grown from children to +women. I was seated on the barrow-handle as they passed. + +"So you wash?" No, their mother did, they ironed, took home, and +fetched the things. What was their name?--would they meet me? and so on. +They would perhaps,--where did I live?--they did not know me. Getting +friendlier and friendlier I learned all about them, it was done in a +joking, chaffing way. I told them I lived far off, and was only on a +visit at a house close by. + +They must go on really,--would I get up? No, unless they gave me a kiss. +I chivied one after the other, and caught and kissed both, they were +not difficult to catch. Then they trundled on the barrow, I walking with +them, the people we met (very few) staring at a dandy walking by the +side of two washgirls; but I took no heed then of any one who passed us, +nor cared. + +We crossed the high-road into another part of the lane, and again we +stopped; more and more randy got I. "What do you think of, when you +iron the tail of a man's shirt?" "Nothing." "You know it wraps round +something different from that which a chemise does." "Does it?" said +the little one who had twice the cheek of the elder. "Yes,--it makes you +think when you iron them." No it did not,--what did I mean?--they did +not know in the least. + +(What delight some girls have in their randiness in declaring they +don't understand a man's baudy chaff, the "What do you mean?" "I don't +understand" are only incitements to the man to declare his meaning in +broad, strong, baudy words; and then it's, "Oh! oh! the beast!" but +their cunts tighten with a squeeze of lust, they go off and think of it +all, and perhaps frig themselves under the recollection. But this is a +reflection the result of matured experience, and was not written at the +time this part of my narrative was.) + +They turned up the high-road, and at their earnest request I fell +behind, they left the linen at a house, and brought back other baskets, +then I recommenced chaffing. When we were in the lane bounded on one +side by a wall, on the other by a ditch and corn-field. They stopped and +begged me to go, for so many people knew them on the road. Prudence told +me we had better separate, but my mind full of the idea of getting the +younger girl, I asked them to have a drink. No,--they would be seen. +Would they meet me? Yes. When? They could not say,--but I had their +address. + +I am not clear why, but up till then I had not said what I had heard and +seen, but I kept it to myself, although dying to let it out. I again sat +at the edge of the barrow, and refused to get up till they both kissed +me. They could not go without the barrow, and after a little sham I +kissed them both. Then the devil took all control off of me, and as I +kissed one I felt outside her till she wriggled away from me. This in +the open lane. + +"Now," said she, "Mr. Impudence, I've a good mind to slap your head for +doing of that." "I'm sure you liked it,"--and I went towards her. She +ran ahead, and took up a stone. "I'll heave this at you," said she +looking as if she meant it. I desisted, and went back to the barrow, +"What's he done?" said the sister who had been standing a little +distance off. "I'll tell you bye and bye,--come on." The younger began to +handle the barrow, but I sat down on a handle, some one came along. "You +will do us harm," said one of the girls. + +"Tell your sister what I did." "Shan't,--get up." I then, forgetful of +my intention, blurted all out, imitating their voice and manner. +"Fuck,--hish! some one will hear,"--a slap. "Fuck,--there then." + +The younger stood like a statue, her mouth opened wide, her lower jaw +almost seemed dropping off; the elder stared at me, her eyes nearly +out of her head. "Sarah says the bigger it is the better she likes it." +Their faces got blood-red, they stared at each other, then one said, "I +wish you'd get up, and let me have my barrow." + +"I saw you both piddle," then I looked up and down the lane in both +directions, I was bursting. "Look," said I pulling out my prick, "it's +as thick and stiff as his, isn't it?" No one was in sight still. + +"I wish there was a policeman," said the elder, "oh! you beast,--we'll +tell the police." One appeared just then in the lane, but the girls +appeared to be in no hurry to tell him, but I rose, they wheeled off the +barrow as fast as they could, I walking with them. I was a little afraid +of the policeman. + +We had got to a spot where the lane was crossed by a village-road in +which were many good houses. "Oh! pray leave us, we go down here, we +have customers in the road." "Will you meet me?" "Yes,--but don't follow +us." I did not want to be seen, so we parted, after some arrangements +about meeting. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + Returning home.--In the church-yard.--Two female laborers.-- + Among the tombs.--A sudden piss.--An arse on the weeds.-- + Torn trowsers, and a turd.--In front of the public-house. + +They went off, I crossed the road into the churchyard, through its +posts at the entrance to prevent cattle passing, and over which with +difficulty the girls had got their barrow and baskets. It was a huge +churchyard, half of it mere field; at one end the rich were buried, +and there were rows of tombs and monuments, the rest was only partially +filled with tomb-stones of all sizes. As I entered it two women passed +me; they were tall, stout, and dusty, had very short petticoats, and +thick hob-nailed boots, dark-blue dresses hung over big haunches, little +black shawls no larger than handkerchiefs over their backs. They had +big black bonnets cocked right upon the tops of their heads, and seemed +women who worked out of doors, agricultural laborers perhaps, or perhaps +the wives of bargemen, for there was a canal through the village. They +had the strong steady walk, and the body well balanced from the hips +that you see in woman engaged in outdoor occupations; perhaps they +carried strawberries to the London markets in large baskets on their +heads, and they walked as firmly as soldiers. + +They went past me towards the monuments, both looked at me, and they +quickened their pace as they went off. I was dying with want of a fuck. +"They are going to piss," I thought. I knew the spot. We when boys, +and I when a youth years before, had laid in wait to see nursemaids and +their little charges turn up among the tombs to ease themselves, so I +stopped and looked after them. + +They heard my footsteps cease, turned round, looked at me, and walked on +again. I followed slowly, they walked slower, so did I; they stopped, +so did I; one turned round. "Well young man, what do you want following +us?" This abashed me for the instant, but my prick standing gave me +confidence. + +"You are going to piddle, and so am I." They burst out laughing, then +checked themselves, and one said, "Well I'm blessed if you ain't well +cheeked young man." "Arn't you?" "It's no business of yourn what we're a +going to do,--go your way, and we'll go ours." "I'll piddle by the +side of you,--I like doing it where a woman does it," I replied. I was +baudily reckless now. + +"I'm damned!--did you ever hear such cheek!--go on young man,--or let +us." On they went, I followed; they stopped, so did I; they muttered +together half-laughing, and turning their heads round every minute,--and +I went on chaffing about piddling. + +They had got to a spot where there was a break in the row of tombs, and +a length of turf with grass a foot high, burnt up, and almost made hay +in the sum-mer sun. "I'd give each of you a shilling to piss before me", +said I. They had turned into this cross-passage between the tombs, and +one could see them from the footpath through the church-yard. + +"Oh! Lord," said one before I had got the words out of my mouth, "I +can't wait",--and squatting she began pissing whilst I made my offer, +and laughing said, "Well if ever I heard the like,--well young man, +give it,--I'll never be paid again for getting rid of my water, I'll +bet,--you do it Sarah." Sarah said, "I shan't." "Don't be a fool, take +his bob." The other looked at me, the splash of the other woman's piddle +fell on her ear. When any one wants to piss, and hears another doing it, +the desire to piss becomes strong. Down Sarah squatted laughing, and her +splash began, before the other had finished pissing. + +I wanted to piss, but the rigidity of my prick prevented me; it wanted +to evacuate its sperm before it got rid of the thinner liquid. I pulled +it out in front of their faces as they squatted side by side, stiff and +red-tipped; it throbbed, and knocked up and down in its randiness under +every effort I made to turn on the water. One said I was a blackguard. +"I want a fuck so bad,--let me have you,--I'll give you five shillings." +To which of the two I don't know, for I had no choice, one cunt was as +good as another to me at that moment, and I pushed my prick towards one +of them, who laughing put it aside with her hand. + +"There is a chance for you," said one to the other (they were both up +then). "What do you take me for young man?" said the other, "if my man +were here he'd knock your bloody head off." But both stood looking at +my prick and me. I kept on asking, and offering the money,--no one would +see us,--one could watch,--and so on. + +"Do you live about here?" said one. "No, I am going to see a friend at +------" (naming a place about two miles off.) "Weren't you never up here +before?" "Never in my life,--here is your shilling,"--and I gave it her. +"Here is yours." She would not take it. "Take it Molly." She took it. +"Oh! let me have you," said I selecting that one now for my addresses. + +"This is a bloody lark," said she, "_what do you take_ us for young +man?" "Let me fuck you." Both stood still looking at me and my prick. +"Some one will catch us," said one moving out from the tombs, and +looking up and down the pathway to see if any one was near, and +then came back. I had got close to the other. "Now Molly," said one +anxiously, "what are you about?" "Oh! he's made me all overish." "Well +if you'd been three months away from your old man as I have, there would +be some excuse." "Never mind,--you won't blab,--you stand there, and +call if you see any one." "The grave-digger will catch you." "No I saw +him right over by the church." "Come away." "No,--you go and watch." And +so we talked for a few seconds, but I never put my prick out of sight. + +"Well," said the other moving out of sight into the narrow path between +the monuments, "you'll get into a mess." "No I shan't,--I'll let him for +the lark of the thing." + +The instant she had gone round the corner the selected one laid hold of +my prick. "Do it quick,--some one may come," said she as she grasped it. +"Lie down". "No I won't,--it's dirty." "No it's dry,--the grass is quite +hay." I stripped off my coat, made it into a bundle, and placed it for +her head. "There,--there," I said, and pulled her down. She made no +resistance. I saw white thighs and belly, black hair on her cunt; and +the next minute I was spending up her. + +"Shove on," said she, "I was just coming,"--and she was wriggling and +heaving, "go on." I could always go on pushing after a spend in those +days, my prick would not lose its stiffness for minutes afterwards; so I +pushed till I thought of doing her a second time; but her pleasure came +on, her cunt contracted, and with the usual wriggle and sigh she was +over, and there were we laying in copulation, with the dead all around +us; another living creature might that moment have been begotten, in its +turn to eat, drink, fuck, die, be buried and rot. Suddenly she jerked up +her arse, and pushed me. + +"Oh!" said she uncunting me, "there is some one,"--and up she jumped. +There stood the other woman. "How you frightened me," said she. "There +was no one coming,--well it's a rum afternoon's job this," said she. +"Don't you blab." "Not I." + +I had hidden my prick, but now my bladder insisted on its requirements +being attended to, and I went to the spot which the two ladies had +moistened, and pissed on it. The woman who had watched us fucking had +dark eyes, she had looked at me without ceasing from the time I had got +off from the other, and began pissing. My prick nearly at fucking size +still, was pouring forth a copious stream whilst I was feeling its +stem which the moisture from the other's cunt had saturated. Seeing +her looking I pulled out balls and all, and finished by shaking my +tooleywag. She laughed a low laugh. "I feel all overish myself now." +Her eyes looked like fire at me, fierce, lewd. "I'll give _you_ five +shillings,--let me fuck _you_ too,--she will wait and watch for us." + +"Oh!--o!" said the one whom I just had fucked, twitching about, and +suddenly pulling up her petticoats, and looking up them, "there is +something crawling up me." She felt up her petticoats, shaking them, and +flourishing them about. "Oh!--oh!--just lift them up, and look Sarah." + +Her companion lifted her clothes. "Go away young man, you've had your +game I think." "Oh! not there,--oh! it's biting." "Don't make that +noise." "Oh! it's here,--there,--just there." Slowly the companion +lifted the petticoats, first one side, then the other, showing thighs +and rump, and a great ugly crawling black thing dropped; it had crawled +up her petticoats whilst she was lying on the ground. I had drawn near, +and was gloating over the display of charms. "Ain't he had a treat +Molly!" said she. + +This sight finished me by making me as stiff as I had been five minutes +before; the other one still kept looking at me. "I'll give _you_ five +shillings," said I. "I've a good mind" said she. "Lor let him,--who'll +know?" "How stiff it is!" "Let him." "Feel it," said I. The woman put +her hand on it. "I'll go and watch," said the other moving away. "I +shan't." "Don't be a fool,"--and she moved out of sight, leaving us two +alone. + +Not a word more was said, I pushed her up against the upright railings +enclosing a monument; a slight stone-lodge going all round the monument +put her about an inch above me, I lifted her clothes, for an instant +only saw another dark-haired cunt, and drove my prick up it. She felt +pleasure the very first shove that I gave her. "Oh!--oh!--did she do it +with you?--did she spend?" she gasped in whispers, looking me full in +the face. "Yes she spent." + +That fetched her. "Oh! I'm coming,--oh! it's a coming," she gasped, and +laid her head over my shoulder. I felt her bum and belly wagging, and a +perfect torrent of cunt-liquor ran down on to my balls. I had not long +began my fuck, so was slower than with the first woman, and had fetched +her a second time before I had finished her standing up against the +railings. Then we stood, pressing our bellies together, keeping our +genitals coupled, and looking in each other's faces without speaking, +one or two minutes. + +"You don't know these parts?" said she whilst we still were coupled. +"I've never been here in my life before," I replied. "How hard your bum +is,--are you married?" "Yes." "Is she?" "No,--let me go, she is coming." +Down flopped my tool, and down fell her petticoats. + +The first-fucked came round the corner, then we talked. I had given the +first woman her five shillings directly after I had done her, and before +she found the reptile in her petticoats; I forgot to pay the other. +"Well young man, you've made a pair of us go crooked," said one. "Aye +that he have,--we've played high jinks." "Give us a kiss," said one. I +kissed them both, and off they walked. "Hulloh!" said I, "I forgot the +five shillings." "Lord so had I," said my creditor,--and I gave it her. + +"Don't come our way, the grave-digger knows us,--go straight across +there, and round the church." I watched them going along with their +steady step; who could have known from their look and manner, that both +had just been fucked! Who can tell the state of any woman's cunt, whom +you may meet anywhere! + +I went to my mother's, the hair on my prick was gummed flat on my belly +and balls, I found I had torn a hole in the knee of my trowsers, and a +lump of turd was sticking to my coat, that I had made her a pillow with, +the ground must have been hard and flinty, and some one had shit in the +high grass. + +What were the women?--certainly not gay. Did they fuck with me for fun, +for letch, or for money? I often have thought of it, and came to the +conclusion that both were lewd, that my baudy suggestions made them +worse, my prick upset them, and the money finished it; but that wanting +a fuck was the main cause; that one whose old man had been away three +months, how she looked at me and at my doodle, after I had fucked the +first one! + +Towards dusk I went to meet my washerwomen. Near the corner of the lane +in which they lived was an old-fashioned public-house well back from the +road, in front of it were two large elm-trees, beneath them seats where +poor people sat drinking and enjoying themselves in Summer. I stopped +and looked. Quite at the back sat the two women whom I had fucked; they +had pewter pots in front of them, and recognized me at once. Both got +up, and rushed inside the public-house rapidly. Funk was on their faces, +they seemed to struggle who should get inside the door first. I never +saw them afterwards, but at the sight of them my cock stood rigidly, and +I would have had them again had it been possible. Many a time since I +have been to that churchyard to look at the place among the tombs where +we three had our pleasures, and my prick always stiffened when I was +there. Such impromptu copulations have a wonderful charm. + + + + +CHAPTER X. + + The washerwoman's lane.--An intention frustrated.--A slap in + the face.--Choice language and temper.--A dinner in the + Haymarket.--The rocking-chair.--A lucky shove.--Up, and out + in a second.--A quarrel, and flight.--An enticing laugh.-- + The house in O... d. Street. + +Down the lane was the washerwoman's cottage, it had a little garden in +front of it. Through the window I saw the girls ironing by candle-light, +I walked about till quite dark, then knocked at the door. The short one +opened it, and seeing me shut the door saying, "Oh! you musn't call." So +I went away. + +Then I wrote asking them to meet me, and got no reply; but I persevered. +I was constantly thinking of the girls' baudy talk when sitting on the +barrow. I went to the house again, after writing to say when I would be +at the end of the lane, and found them standing there,--by accident they +said, they declared they had not had my letter. That was a lie I knew. I +began smutty talk, which they cut short by both going to their cottage. + +I wrote letters to the short one again, asking her to meet me, but +nothing came of that. At the end of their lane were market-gardens, I +saw Esther one evening at that end which joined the high-road, and was +close to the public-house where I had seen the women sitting whom I had +poked in the village church-yard. It was dark. I asked her to come for a +walk, she promised in a few minutes to come to me by the market-garden. +"If I don't," said she, "it will be because mother is at the door." But +she came. + +I swore I was in love with her, which was true to the extent of her +cunt, and wanted her to meet me elsewhere,--we would dine, and go to the +theatre together. No she could not be out late without a row. I kissed +her, which she took to in the darkness kindly enough. I whispered, "I +should like to fuck." "If you say that again," said she, "I'll slap your +chops." I did, and she gave me a slap in the face, and ran off. I was +hurt, and so annoyed, that I did not follow her, but bawled out, "You'll +split your cunt into your arse-hole if you run like that." Directly +afterwards a voice like as of an oldish female in the darkness said, +"Get along you drunken blackguard, the likes of you ought to be locked +up." Insulting the girl by foul-mouthed remarks had not improved I +feared my chance of broaching her, and for a while I desisted. + +But the letch was strong on me, I went to stay with my mother to +be nearer my game, and passed my time in playing billiards at the +public-house, and nightly I hunted the girl; so that at length under +promise to take her to Vauxhall she agreed to come and dine with me, or +as she said, have supper at eight o'clock with me. I usually then went +to Vauxhall at ten o'clock. + +I went to a French restaurant in the Haymarket, ordered a sitting and +bed-room, and a good supper. Thought I, "With a feast and champagne with +you by myself for a couple of hours, my cock and your cunt will make +acquaintance." + +To my annoyance she came with her sister. "I could not stop out late +without her," said she. I made the best of it, though very angry on the +quiet at seeing my game baulked. + +"I'll kiss you at once because you have brought your sister unasked, and +you Matilda because you came unasked,"--and I kissed both to my heart's +content. They liked it. They were dressed in the vulgarest style of +their class, and I felt ashamed of going to Vauxhall with them,--and did +not they gorge! Champagne they had never tasted before and they lapped +it up like milk. "It gets into your head, don't it?" said one. "No my +dear, champagne gets into your tail,--you'll want to piddle soon." +"Oh! for shame!" "Never mind there are plenty of chamber-pots in the +bed-room." "If you talk that way we'll go," said they laughing, but we +went on talking and drinking. + +Supper over, the waiter out of the room, both girls half-screwed, +half-screwed myself and wholly lewd, they both came and sat by me on the +sofa. Sisters again,--what fatality! + +The conversation was soon suggestive. Which did they like best, washing +a shirt or a chemise? They let out, checked themselves, checked each +other. "Lord Esther what _are_ you saying?" "Well Matilda I'm ashamed +of you." "Well that's pretty conversation for a gentleman,--let's +go,--promise you won't say anything like it again." "I won't,--but tell +me one thing,--how did you feel Esther, when you sat on the barrow and +said, '_fuck_'?" "You're a blackguard, I never said anything of the +sort,--did I Matilda?" "We'll go if you keep on so." + +Matilda got jealous. "It's my turn now," said she after I had been +kissing Esther. The wine got more into all our heads, and we laughed +and shouted. "Why did you come Matilda?" "Mother don't let Esther out +alone,--besides I didn't know what you two might be up to alone." "What +did you think we might be up to?" "Oh! that's tellings." This talk went +on for a time, gradually getting warmer and more suggestive; all were +thinking about fucking, though no one said so. + +By the sofa was an American rocking-chair, the first I ever recollect +having seen. Matilda began rocking herself in it, I rocked the chair +violently for her and then as far as it would go, back and held it +there, then rapidly I pushed one hand up her petticoats. Her legs were +distended somewhat as legs usually are when people are rocking, and my +fingers went on to her cunt. She lay back for the moment, helpless, then +managed to close her legs, but being almost on her back she could not +get free; she struggled to get up, and yelled out, "Oh! pull him off +Esther,---don't you beast." + +Esther was on the sofa. She got up, pulled me back, and the chair came +forwards, but not till I had lifted Matilda's clothes far above her +knees. She sulked, my blood was up, and pulling Esther down on the sofa +kissing her, I pushed my hand up her clothes, and on to _her_ cunt. She +screeched, then Matilda pulled me away. There had been much laughing and +yelling, but now they sulked. "We will go," said they. "I've felt both +your cunts," said I. + +Their bonnets were in the bed-room, and I would not let them get them, +put both fingers to my mouth, and kissed them saying, "That's touched +your cunt Matilda, that's touched yours Esther." Then I pulled out my +prick, and putting both fingers on it's tip said, "That's nearly the +same as if my prick had touched your cunt. + +"Call the waiter Esther," said Matilda angrily. I had gone too far, so +I desisted, begged pardon, promised never to do it again, to give them +both new bonnets, and I dare say anything else, and they sat down, but +for a long time sulking, and almost silent. + +But my humility and regrets overcame them, there was more chatting, more +laughing, more champagne. I got smutty again and now, they laughed at +it. "What nice legs, and what beautiful white linen you have Matilda." +"Mine is as white," said Esther. "Your legs are not as plump." "Yes they +are." I pinched their arms, then their legs, we all kissed, they were +both as randy as the devil, and incited me to smutty talk, though +affecting not to understand me. Then the champagne overcame us all. + +"You want to piddle?" "Ooh!--oh! no." "Really? then you want to see +if your bonnets are all right, that's all,--I want to piddle though." +Saying that I went into the bed-room, pissed, and came back, taking the +key out of the door. Laughing the girls then went into the bed-room, and +closed the door. They were very noisy, and groggy, the eldest worse than +the other. + +I listened at the door. "Lock the door Ess." "There's no key." "Stand +there, and hold it,--I'm bursting." "Don't he go on!--make haste, or +I'll pee myself." I pushed open the door suddenly, one was pushing her +clothes against her quim to dry it, the other on the pot, she let a loud +fart just as I opened the door. "Oh!" said she rising with difficulty. +"I'll wait till the music is over," said I going out,--but I returned +the next minute, and pulled out my prick again. "I'll fuck you both," +said I, and tried to put my hands up their clothes; when I got one the +other pulled me off, then I turned to her, and so on. We upset chairs, +we shreiked with laughter, it was Bedlam broke loose. I caught Matilda, +and threw her on her back on the bed. "Leave off now,--pull him away +Essie,--you're a going on too far,--oh! don't tickle,--oh! I can't bear +tickling." But I kept on. + +The tickling made her screech. I threw up her clothes, for she was still +on her back on the bed, I didn't see her cunt, for I was between her +legs, and bent over her, lifted her legs, and pressed hard down on +her belly, her clothes on it which met mine, I gave a shove, having no +thought of doing anything but lewd mimickry of the act of copulation, +whilst Esther was tugging at my coat. Matilda shrieked, for my prick +went up her cunt, and out again before I knew where it was,--another +furious shriek. Frightened I had let go of her, she rolled off the bed, +and sat on the chair maudlin, and crying. + +"What's the matter?" said Esther, "what's he done?" "Oh!" sobbed +Matilda, "where's my bonnet?--let's go,--I will go." "Stay,--be quiet." +"I won't,--I will go." The waiter just then came into the room begging +us not to make so much noise, as people were noticing it. Matilda crying +and angry, Esther questioning, Matilda telling Esther to put on her +things, or she would go without her, whilst there stood the French +waiter and a chamber-maid, wondering what the row was all about,--if +they had not heard, and did not guess it. + +The girls were frightened, and I could not stop them. They had their +things on, and were out of the house in a few minutes, I went down with +them saying we would go to Vauxhall. The landlord stopped me. "Your bill +sir." I paid it, and when I got out could see the two girls nowhere. I +took a cab, drove here, there, and everywhere, but they were gone. + +I came back towards the Haymarket, took the first woman I met, and went +to a house in C... d. n Street. Half-an-hour afterwards I went with +another; whilst with her I heard a merry-voiced woman in an adjoining +room, and without seeing her took a fancy to her. I dismissed my second +woman after fucking her, and enquired of the servant how long the lady +who was laughing had been in the adjoining room. She knew nothing, so I +waited door ajar, till I saw the woman leave, followed, and brought her +back, fucked her, and had not enough money to pay for riding home. + +The more I think of that adventure the more extraordinary it seems; from +the time I threw Matilda on to the bed, till my prick had entered her +cunt, and got out again, I don't believe it could have occupied more +than a few seconds. She was heavy, I only just could lift her, and her +petticoats seemed but half-way up. She laughed loudly as I did so, and +when I leant over her with my prick out, I had not the remotest idea of +broaching her, nor that my prick might touch even her thighs; but she +must have been in the exact position, and her struggles brought her +notch down to the level, and my prick by mere chance drove a little way +up the hole; then her bum-wriggle threw me out instantly, and her yell +frightened me. Whether she was a virgin or not, or whether I hurt her +or not, I cannot say; could not even swear that my prick had entered her +cunt, but it felt like it; and why did she yell, then sulk, and go away +in a temper, if I had not somehow touched that slippery orifice? + + + + +CHAPTER XL. + + Esther meets me.--Vauxhall.--Ex-harlot Sarah.--Esther + succumbs.--Big-arsed and bandy-legged.--Periodic fucking.-- + Matilda invincible.--I part with Esther.--Her fortune. + +I wrote to Esther, who met me in the lane, she was in her airs. I +had quite forgotten myself she said, and had made them both drunk +purposely,--it was not like a gentleman,--I had acted very improper; she +would not recollect where my hand had been did not believe I had felt +her thighs, she was tipsy. That was the line the cunning jade took in a +dark lane. "Now don't be foolish, and run away when I tell you." "Well +I won't." Then I said something suggestive, and she got cosy with me. +"What was it you really did to Tilda?" "Nothing." "You did." "Ask her," +"She won't tell me, and she will never speak with you again." Truthfully +or not Esther declared she did not know what I had done to make her +sister holler out so. + +"I'll give you a bonnet, and we will go to Vauxhall,--don't let your +sister know." I gave her the money, she agreed to meet me again, and +did, and again asked me what I had done to her sister. I would tell some +night when I slept with her. Then she would never know, for she would +never be in bed with me, or any one else, till she was married. + +I progressed in the usual way, praised her big bum, guessed she had +fat thighs, etc. "You know I did feel them." No, she did not recollect. +After talking thus one night my prick was in stiffish form, and I put +her hand round it. She laid hold of it innocently, then snatched her +hand away violently. Then I did the old, old trick, promised a pair +of garters, if she would let me put them on,--in the dark of course. +"No,--no." "So help me God, I won't do more than put them on." Two +minutes after that my finger was on her split. This was all in the dark +lane. + +I wonder what a girl of that class thinks of, hopes, expects when she +meets a gentleman on the sly. Does she expect he will fall in love, and +marry her?--does she know that he wants to fuck her?--does she like to +meet a man who has that intention, and long to hear smutty suggestions, +and baudy talk?--does she like the lustful feeling creeping over her, +as she stands by a randy man who is making lewd remarks? I imagine that +like the man, she is randy and wants to hear his baudy talk, to feel his +lips on hers, to hug him, to feel his hand wandering about her hidden +parts, that she meets him really for that purpose, just as much as he +meets her for the purpose. But they differ in this: he means to get her +if possible; she has made up her mind that whatever she may permit, he +shan't fuck her,--but she generally makes a mistake in that. + +We went to Vauxhall, she told her mother she was going to the theatre +with Sarah and her husband (the woman who had said the bigger it was the +nicer it was), I was to take her to Sarah's when Vauxhall was over. I +gave her a lobster and champagne supper, she got spoony, I talked baudy, +she said it was abominable, this was all the Gardens. At length her +modesty broke. "Don't you want to piddle?" "I really do bad," said she +without hesitation. I took her to the ladies' place, and soon we left. +There were nice little houses not far from Vauxhall. I had been in the +afternoon, and paid for a room for the night to be sure of it, and took +her there. She would not go in till I said it was only to have another +glass of wine; but I believe she guessed what she was going in for. Then +I persuaded her to stop all night, the woman of the house was to call +us at six o'clock, so that she might get home early. She had made up her +mind to consent, and had no sham about it. I undressed her, tore my own +things off, threw myself on her, and with the first shove or two had +finished her virginity,--my prick went up with little difficulty. + +We fucked all night, I revelled in her cunt. She was healthy, +full-blooded, randy-arsed, and spent like fun; we did it several times +before sleeping, then in the night, and awakened about eleven o'clock +next day. "Oh! my God," said she, "what will mother say,--I'm ruined." +"Well it's no use crying, you are in for it." A few tears, then a fuck, +a piddle, a wash,--and then refreshed we go through the ceremony, of +inspecting privates, and so fucking, looking, smelling, frigging, and +finger-stinking we lay till devilish hungry. Then we got up, and after +going to a chop-house and having food, I put her into a cab to go home. +I enjoyed myself much that night, a fresh cunt is always charming, and +there is such delight in killing modesty in a woman who has never been +fucked before; the struggle to get her to open her thighs to let you see +her cunt is in itself a delicious treat. + +On the bed spunk lay in all directions, and over her chemise as well, +and there was the least smear of blood. I had pushed through something +tight to get into her, but it was an easy business, so easy that I +thought she had had cock before; but she was large cunted, the very +jagged, ragged tear was full size; her cunt-hair was dark, her bum was +one of the biggest for her height I have seen, it was out of proportion. +Her privates did not fascinate me, and when I had had her two or three +dozen times I grew tired of her. She was also bandy-legged, a thing I +never could bear in a woman. + +She went to Sarah's that day, and remained there, her mother sent to +know why. Sarah said that Esther had had bowel attack after they came +home from the theatre, and her mother then went to see her. A girl +always looks ill after her first poking, and Esther had been fucked out, +so her mother was taken in. Her sister Matilda said she did not believe +it. + +Sarah I found had been gay, and said she now was married; they did not +believe that, though they kept their disbelief to themselves, and only +Esther knew she had been gay, although all knew she had run away from +home. Sarah got her living by washing for Esther's mother. I heard some +funny things about her afterwards. + +I could not get Esther to stop out again all night, but she met me often +enough, and became a baudy little bitch whose cunt much wanted feeding. +She told me the awful state of mind she and her sister were in at my +first overhearing them with the barrow; they had been talking of fucking +all that day, Sarah had begun it. Taking hold of some linen, "Oh! my," +she said, "look here, ain't they been a doing it!---here is +waste." There was spunk on the linen. I heard a good deal of choice +washerwoman's talk from Esther afterwards, and found that it was not an +unusual thing for laundresses to joke about the semen they found on the +linen of their customers, and that if they found suspicious signs on +the man's linen, to give the lady of the house a hint to look after +her husband. Many a husband has I am sure been discovered to have had +illicit pleasure, or to have the ladies' favor through the hints of an +officious laundress. + +I made Esther liberal presents, but didn't take her much to Vauxhall or +theatres, although she was constantly asking me to do so. I had taken +her to Vauxhall one night after I had first had her, and saw some one +there whom I should have been sorry to have seen me with Esther. We went +to the little snug, quiet accommodation house which had been the scene +of the slaughter of her virginity, and there fucked; sometimes we +walked instead of riding home, and when near the village, turning down +a secluded street, or lane, I set her back up against a fence, and had +her; then with her cunt buttered home she went alone. I took her once or +twice to the theatre, and for fear of being seen had a box; but I could +not afford those extravagances. Although not a bad-looking girl, and one +who would stir up sensations in a man's ballocks when he looked at her, +she was vulgar in appearance; and neither bonnets nor dress made any +improvement in her,--she was a washerwoman all over. + +After she was well acquainted with two or three baudy houses I grew +tired of her, and quarrelled with her. One night I went to my mother's +who was ill; and as I passed the end of the lane where Esther lived saw +one or two young men and women larking. She and her sister sometimes +came to the end of the lane when their work was done, to see the people +going along the high-road, and to chat there with neighbours. The men +were chivying the girls, and Esther was one of them. I watched them from +a safe distance, heard laughing and screeching, and every now and then +one of the girls chased by a man darted down the dark lane, and I heard +a shriek. There was no light in the lane, and not much even in the +high-road from the feeble oil-lamps. I thought also that I saw Esther +kissed, she yelled and got away, but it seemed to me she much liked it. +For some reason all the wenches suddenly disappeared, and the men, +who were of the laboring class, leaned against the railings of the +public-house, and talked. I walked slowly by them, and heard one say, +"I felt her cunt the other night, so help me Gor." I did not know who he +spoke of, but I made up my mind it was Esther. + +I wrote Esther to meet me, and then told her she had let a man feel her +cunt, and what I had seen and heard. She denied all cheekily, but got +confused when I told her what the man said. "I was in the lane," said I +afterwards, "and quite towards that end where I have felt you often,--I +hid, and I know he was feeling you there." It was a bare-faced lie of +mine, because I had gone away; but it was a hit. "He didn't," said she, +"though he tried." "I heard him say you felt his prick," said I lying +away again, "he went up the lane, and told that tall young man that, 'so +help his God', you had." "He wanted to make me, but I didn't,--he is +the greatest liar in the place. It was sneaking of you to be hiding like +that, and watching me," said she. + +I wanted to fuck her, but she would not let me. She slanged me, said +I had deceived her, had said I would keep her, and lots of other +things,--and off she went. I took no notice for a fortnight, then went +to the lodgings of Sarah, and had a talk with her. Sarah said that +Esther was mad with me for not writing nor going to see her, and blamed +me for not "behaving handsome". "No other man has ever touched Esther," +said she, "you don't seem to care about her,--but there's plenty who +do,--there are two or three gents about who would be glad to be in your +place." + +I had her again, then had a desire to get into her sister, and tried +several times to see Matilda, caught her standing with Esther in the +lane once or twice, but she bolted off directly I went up to her. Once +she opened the door to me at her cottage, and slammed it in my face. +I had not told Esther what had made Matilda cry out till that day, +and then I did. "It's a lie," said she, "you went up my sister +Matilda?--what a crammer!" "She might tell her sister," and she did. +Matilda said I was a liar, and that what I had done was to shove my +finger violently up her, and hurt her very much. Esther believed +her sister. Matilda was going to be married to the potman at the +public-house close by, I then heard. + +After that Esther met me a few times, and her sister seemed much on her +mind; for she unvariably after she had felt my prick for a minute would +say, "And you mean to tell me it went right into Tilda?" "Yes right in." +"Oh! what a story,--it could not have been." I grew tired of her, and +she of me,--probably some other man had taken a fancy to her, so I gave +her ten pounds one night, told her I was going abroad, and would see +her on my return, but I never did. I saw her near my mother's house +two years afterwards with quite a genteel well-dressed young man, she +looking nice and fresh, but very vulgar. She saw me. Her eyes had a +painful expression in them, partly like fear, partly as if she were +going to cry; and then she dropped them. They passed me, I of course +not taking the slightest notice, but had a cock-stand, and felt jealous, +--such a funny thing is male nature. I never saw her afterwards, but saw +Sarah the washerwoman and ex-harlot, and gave her five shillings for a +chat about the two girls. Esther had gone off with a gent, Matilda had +married the potman, who had taken to drink, and used to "whop her." And +that is the end of my acquaintance with the two girls. + +I had great difficulty in keeping Esther from knowing too much about me, +and used a false name, had letters sent to a post-office, and had to do +much lying. The oddest thing was that though so near my mother's house, +and though I passed her one day when walking with one of my married +sisters, she did not know I was often living there, and close by her +home; but she found it out just before I parted with her. She knew quite +well that the conversation when sitting on the barrow could only have +been heard from one of the garden-walls close by the barrow; but I would +not at first tell her which. My real name I don't think she ever knew, +though I am not sure of that.. + +Curiosity made me call on ex-harlot Sarah, who lived in one room, and +whilst talking I put my hand up her petticoats, on to her cunt. She +laughed, opened her thighs wide, and said, "I knowed yer would," and she +looked as if a fuck would have gratified her,--but I did not attempt it. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + + Preliminary.--My taste for beauty of form.--Sarah Mavis.-- + Midday in the Quadrant.--No. 13 J... s Street.--A bargain in + the hall.--A woman with a will.--Fears about my size.-- + Muck.--Cold-blooded.--Tyranny.--My temper.--Submission.--A + revolt.--A half-gay lady.--Sarah watches me.--A quarrel.-- + Reconciliation. + +I must go back a year or more before the night when I last had +Kitty with the yellow hair and yellow motte, to tell the story of my +acquaintance with a woman of whom I have little to tell, considering +that she more or less is included in the history of my amours for nearly +four years, and who will appear more than once some years after that. A +word about my sensuous temperament first. + +I had early a taste for beauty of female form. Face had for me of course +the usual attraction, for beauty of expression always speaks to the soul +of a man first. A woman's eyes speak to him before she opens her mouth, +and instinctively (for actual knowledge only comes to him in his maturer +years) he reads in them liking, dislike, indifference, voluptuousness, +desire, sensuous abandonment, or fierce reckless lust. + +All these feelings can be seen in a woman's eyes alone, for they express +and move with every feeling, every passion, pure or sensual. They can +beget in the male pure love as it is called, which is believed to be +so till experience teaches that however pure it may be, it cannot exist +without the occasional help of a burning throbbing, stiff prick, up +a hot, wide-stretched cunt, and a simultaneous discharge of spermatic +juices from both organs. The rest of a woman's body, the breasts and +limbs, can move lust unaccompanied by love, and if once admiration of +them begins lust follows instantly. A small foot, a round, plump leg and +thigh, and a fat backside speak to the prick straight. Form is in fact +to most, more enticing, and creates a more enduring attachment in men of +mature years, than the sweetest face. A plain woman with fine limbs and +bum, and firm, full breasts will (unless her cunt be an ugly gash) draw +a man to her where the prettiest-faced Miss will fail. Few men, unless +their bellies be very big, or they be very old, will keep long to a bony +lady whose skinny buttocks can be held in one hand. I early had a +taste for female form, it was born with me. Even when a boy I selected +partners for dancing because they were what I called crummy, and admired +even at one time a fat-arsed middle-aged woman who sold us bull's eyes, +because I had caught her exhibiting large legs when squatting down to +piss. For years I had had at the period named, two friends, one of whom +was a sculptor, who alas! drank himself to death; and one a painter +still living as I write this. I had been in their studios, seen their +naked models, heard their opinions on both male and female beauty, +and had the various points of female perfection shown me on the +lady-sitters. I had them explained in two instances by the ladies +themselves, in private sittings, and with them I had sexual pleasures +which they said the artists had neither got out of them nor given them. +I had myself sketched from the nude, and was thought a not bad hand +at it, and had therefore by training, instinct, and a most voluptuous +temperament become a good judge of beauty of female form. + +I did not write the above paragraphs, when I wrote what follows about +Sarah Mavis, they are added now many years afterwards, when I am +wondering at what I did in those early days, marvelling at my judgment +in selection, and seeking the reasons which guided me then in getting +for my sexual embraces, as many modes of female beauty of form, as +perhaps any one Englishman ever had,--short of a prince. + +One Summer's morning about midday, I was in the Quadrant. It had been +raining, and the streets were dirty. In front of me I saw a well-grown +woman walking with that steady, solid, well-balanced step which I even +then knew indicated fleshy limbs, and a fat backside. She was holding +her petticoats well up out of the dirt, the common habit of even +respectable women then. With gay ladies the habit was to hold them up +just a little higher. I saw a pair of feet in lovely boots which seemed +perfection, and calves which were exquisite. I fired directly. Just +by Beak Street she stopped, and looked into a shop. "Is she gay?" I +thought. "No." I followed on, passed her, then turned round, and met her +eye. She looked at me, but the look was so steady, indifferent, and with +so little of the gay woman in her expression, that I could not make up +my mind as to whether she was accessible or not. + +She turned back and went on without looking round. Crossing Tichborne +Street she raised her petticoats higher, it was very muddy there. I then +saw more of both legs, my prick stood at the sight of her limbs, and +settled me. I followed quickly, saying as I came close, "Will you come +with me?" She made no reply, and I fell behind. Soon she stopped +again at a shop, and looked in, and again I said, "May I go with +you?" "Yes,--where to?" "Where you like,---I will follow you." Without +replying a word, and without looking at me, without hurrying, she walked +steadily on till she entered the house No. 13 J...s Street, which I +entered that day for the first time, but many hundreds of times since. +Her composure, and the way she stopped from time to time to look at +the shops as she went along astonished me: she seemed in no hurry, nor +indeed conscious that I was close at her heels, though she knew it. + +Inside the house she stopped at the foot of the staircase, and turning +round said in a low tone, "What are you going to give me?" "Ten +shillings." "I won't go upstairs then, so tell you at once." "What +do you want?" "I won't let any one come with me unless they give me a +sovereign at least." "I will give you that." Then she mounted, nothing +more being said. Asking me the question at the foot of the stairs +astonished me, I had been asked it in a room often before, and in the +street; but at the foot of a staircase,--never. + +We entered a handsome bed-room. Turning round after paying for it, and +locking the door, I saw her standing with her back to the light (the +curtains were down, but the room was nevertheless light), one arm +resting on the mantle-piece. She looked at me fixedly, and I did at her. +Then I recollect noticing that her mouth was slightly open, and that she +looked seemingly vacantly at me (it always was so), that she had a black +silk dress on, and a dark-colored bonnet. Then desire impelled; I went +close to her, and began to lift her clothes. She pushed them down in a +commanding way saying, "Now none of that." + +"Oh! here is your money," said I gutting down a sovereign on the +mantle-piece. She broke into a quiet laugh. "I did not mean that," +she remarked. "Let me feel you." "Get away," said she impatiently, and +turning she took off her bonnet. I then saw she had thick and nearly if +not quite black hair, and recollect that I noticed these points just +in the order I have narrated them. Then she leaned her arm on the +mantle-piece again, and looked at me quietly, her mouth slightly open, +and I stood looking at her without speaking, my sperm fermenting in +my balls; but I was slightly bothered, almost intimidated by her cold +manner,---a manner so unlike what I usually met with in strumpets. + +"You have beautiful legs." "So they say." "Let me see them." She laid +down on the sofa, her back to the light, without uttering a word. I +threw off coat and waistcoat, and sitting at the foot of the sofa threw +up her dress to her knees; higher I tried, but she resisted. Then +my fingers felt her cunt, and the delight of the feel and sight of her +beautiful limbs overwhelmed me. "Take off your things,--let me see you +undressed,--you must be exquisite." My hands roved all about her bum, +belly and thighs, and just seeing the flesh above her garters I fell +to kissing it, and kissed upwards till the aroma of her cunt met my +nostrils, and its thicket met my lips and mingled with my moustache, +which I then wore, though so few men then did. I fell on my knees by +the side of her, kissing, feeling, and smelling; but she kept her thighs +close together, and pushed her petticoats over my head whilst I kissed, +so that I saw but little of her beauties. + +Then excited almost to madness by my amusement I rose up. "Oh! come +to the bed,--come." She lay quite still. "No,--do it here,--leave me +alone,--I won't have my clothes pulled up,--I won't be pulled about,--if +you want it have me, and have done." "Well get on to the bed." "I +shan't." "I can't do it on the sofa." "Well I'm going then." "You shan't +till I have had you,--only let me see your thighs." "There then,"--and +up went her clothes half-way. "Higher," "I shan't." Now my prick was +out. "Get on the bed,--I won't do it here,--take your things off." +"I shan't." "You shall." All was said by her in a determined way, but +without signs of temper. + +She rose without saying another word, I think I see now as I write, her +exquisite legs in beautiful silk stockings as they showed when getting +off the sofa, and getting on to the bed. "But I want your clothes off." +"I won't take them off, I'm in a hurry,--I never do." "Oh! you must." +"I won't,--now come and do what you want to do,--I'm in a hurry." She +lifted her clothes just high enough to show the fringe of her cunt, and +opened her thighs a little. I thrilled with lewd delight as I saw them, +and mounted her, laid between them, and inserted my prick. Ah! at my +first shove almost I was spending in her. + +"Oh! lay quiet dear, I've only been up you a second." "No,--get off, +and let me wash." I resisted, but she uncunted me, and got off the bed +quickly. "Now don't come near while I wash,--I can't bear a man looking +at me washing myself." I insisted, for I was longing to see the form I +had scarcely yet had a glimpse of. Putting down the basin she pulled the +bed-curtains round her to hide her whilst she slopped her quim. I would +not be rude, and saw nothing. Then on went her bonnet. "Are you going +first, or I?" said she. "I shall wait as long as you will." "Then I will +go first,"--and she was going away when I stopped her. + +"When will you again meet me?" "Oh! when out at all, I am up to one +o'clock in Regent Street." "Where do you live?" "I shan't say,--good +bye." "No,--wait,--come to me this afternoon." "I can't." "This +evening." She hesitated. "I can't stay long if I do." "Well an hour and +a half." "Perhaps." "Will you take off your clothes then?" "No,--good +bye, I am in a hurry." "Meet me at seven o'clock to-night.--do." "No." +"At eight then." "Well I will be here expecting you,--but I shan't stop +long." "Will you let me see your form up to your waist?" "Oh! I hate +being looked at,"--and off she went, leaving me in the room. + +I dined at my Club, and was in a fever of lust all day. "Will she come?" +for she had only half promised. Half-an-hour before the time I was at +the house, and had the same room again. It was handsome throughout, had +a big four-post bed with handsome hangings (this was thirty years ago +mind) on one side of the room on another side by a partition was a +wash-hand stand of marble, against the wall on the opposite side a large +glass just at the level of the bed; at the foot of the bed a large +sofa opposite to the fire; over the chimney-piece a big glass sloping +forwards, so that those sitting or lying on the sofa could see +themselves reflected in it; in the angle of the room by the windows a +big cheval-glass which could be turned in any direction, two easy-chairs +and a bidet, the hangings were of red damask, two large gas-burners +were over the chimney-piece angles. It was the most compact, comfortable +baudy house bed-room I have perhaps ever been in, although by no means a +large room. They charged seven and six for its use, and twenty shillings +for the night. Scores of times I have paid both fees. I noticed all +this, and that a couple could see their amatory amusements on the bed, +on the sofa, or anyhow in fact, by aid of the cheval and other glasses. +I was delighted with the room, but in a fever of anxiety lest the lady +should not come. I walked about with my prick out, seeing how I looked +in the glasses, laid on the bed, and noticed how it looked in the +side-glass, squatted on the sofa, glorying in the sight of my balls and +stiff-stander. Then I had a sudden fear that she would think my prick +small; what put it into my head I never could exactly say, I used when +at school to fancy mine was smaller than that of other boys, and some +remark of a gay woman about its size made me most sensitive on the +topic. I was constantly asking the women if my prick was not smaller +than other men's. When they said it was a very good size,--as big as +most,--I did not believe them, and I used when I pulled it out, to say +in an apologetic tone, "Let's put it up, there's not much of it." "Oh! +it's quite big enough," one would say. "I've seen plenty smaller," would +say another. But still the idea clung to me, that it was not a prick +to be in any way proud of,--which was a great error. But I have told of +this weakness more than once before, I think. + +I recollect well that night fearing she would think my prick +contemptible, and it pained me much, for I was hooked, although I did +not know it. I brushed my hair, and made myself inviting with a desire +to please her, without thinking that I was taking the trouble to do so +for a woman who was going to be fucked for twenty shillings, and whom I +now know did not then care how I looked, or who I was, long as she +got her money as soon as she could, and got rid of me to make way for +another man, or to go and spend what she had earned. + +She did not keep her time. I kept listening, and peeping out as I heard +footsteps and saw couples bent on sexual pleasure going up the stairs, +and heard them overhead walking about. This and the excitement at the +recollection of my instantaneous spend between her magnificent thighs, +my pulling about my prick and contemplating it in the glass, the moving +about of the various couples made me in such a state of randiness that I +could scarcely keep from frigging. A servant who had noticed my peeping +came in, and begged I would not look out, for customers did not like it. +Did they know where my lady lived? and would they send for her? They did +not. Then the servant came to say I had been an hour in the room,--did I +mean to wait any longer? I knew what that meant, and was about to say I +would pay for the room twice, when I heard a heavy, slow tread, and the +lady's face appeared. + +I grumbled at her delay, she took my complaints quietly, she could not +come earlier, was all she said. She pulled off her bonnet, put it on the +chair, turned round, leaned her arm on the mantle-piece, and stared at +me again in a half-vacant way with her mouth slightly open, just as in +the morning. I gave her very little time to stare, for I had my hand on +her cunt in no time, and nearly spent in my trowsers as I touched it. +She tried the same game,--she would not be pulled about,--she would not +let her cunt be looked at,--if I meant to do it, do it, and have +done with it. My blood rose. "I'd be damned if I would,--nor pay, nor +anything else unless she took her gown off. So she took it off laughing, +and laid down on the sofa. Not on the bed. No she would not. Then damned +if I would do it (though I was nearly bursting). Again she laughed, and +then got on to the bed. I saw breasts of spotless purity, and exquisite +shape, bursting out over the corset, threw up the petticoats, saw the +dark hair at the bottom of the belly, and the next instant a thrust, +a moment's heaving,--quietness,--another thrust,--a sigh,--a gush of +sperm,--and again I had finished with but a minute's complete sexual +enjoyment only. + +"Get up." "I won't" "Let me wash the muck out." "No."--and I pinned +her down, squeezed to her belly, grasped her haunches. "I've not done +spending." "Yes you have." A wriggle and a jerk, and I was uncunted +and swearing. She sat down on the basin, I stooped down, tore aside the +curtains, and put my hand on to her gaping cunt. She tried to rise, and +pushed me,--I pushed her. She tilted on one side, her bum caught the +edge of the basin, and upset the water. + +"Damn you," said she,--then she laughed and got up. I pushed her against +the side of the bed, and again got my fingers on the cunt,--slippery +enough it was. "You're one of those beasts, are you?" said she. + +"I've never felt your cunt properly, and I will." "Well let me wash it, +and you shall." She did so, I felt it, and then begged for another fuck. + +"You are not in a hurry." "Yes I am." "You said you would give me an +hour and a half." "Yes, but you have done me, and what is the good +of keeping me?" "I mean to do it again." "Double journey double pay." +"Nonsense,--you so excited me, that I've never had a proper poke yet." +"Well that is no fault of mine." She laughed, and turned questioner. "Do +you often have the women from Regent Street?" "Yes." "Do you know many?" +"Yes, I vary so." "Ah! you are fond of change,--I thought so,"--and she +got talkative after that. I had thought her almost a dummy. + +Meanwhile I was gloating over her charms, her beautiful arms, the lovely +breasts I now played with, the lovely limbs I saw, for she had sat down +in the most enticing position with the ankle of one foot resting on +the knee of the other leg. I wanted to pull the clothes higher up the +thighs, she resisted, but I saw the beautiful ankles, the tiny boots +and feet, the creamy flesh of the thigh just above the garter, thighs +thickening, folding over, squeezing together, and hiding her cunt from +view when I tried to look up. + +I had hid my prick, the fear had come over me of her thinking it small, +and that prevented it standing again. An hour ran away. "I'm going," +said she rising. My prick stood at the instant. "Let me." "Make haste +then." As she stood up I put my hand up her petticoats. She put her hand +down, and gave my prick a hard squeeze. I hollowed,--she laughed. + +"I've a good mind not to let you,--you've been so long,--but you may do +it." She got on to the bedside. "Oh! for God's sake don't move,--that +attitude is exquisite." One leg was well on the bed, the petticoats were +squeezed up, and the leg on the ground from the boot-heel to about four +inches above her garter was visible. She was half turning round, her +lovely breasts, or rather one of them showed half-front, and with +her head looking round at me as she was moving, it altogether made a +ravishingly luscious picture. I put my hands up from behind between her +thighs. That broke the spell, she moved on to the bed directly,--I on to +her. + +"Oh! God you are heavenly, lovely,--oh! God my darling,--oh!" I was +spending and kissing her too quickly again; lust almost deprived me of +my pleasure. In a dozen shoves I was empty. It was all over. + +"How quietly you stood in that attitude," said I. "I can stand in an +attitude nearly five minutes without moving, almost without showing that +I am breathing, without winking an eye." I thought nothing of this at +the time, excepting that it was brag. + +"Give me five shillings, for I have been a long time with you,--I've a +reason,--I won't ask you again." I gave it her. "Shall you be in Regent +Street to-morrow morning?" "Yes." + +I was in Regent Street, met her, and had her you may be sure, and +repeated these meetings for a week daily, and sometimes twice a day; but +got no more than the shortest time with her, the quickest fuck, a rapid +uncunting. She did not spend with me, and showed no signs of pleasure, +scarcely took the trouble to move her bum, would not undress, would not +let me look at her cunt. I submitted to it, for I was caught, but did +not know that then,--she did. That is she knew that I was damnably lewd +upon her, and used that knowledge to suit her convenience. I had no +right to grumble at it. I need not have had her, had I not liked upon +those terms. But I did. At length I grumbled, and at last almost had a +quarrel. "I won't see you again," said I. "No one asks you," said she. + +As my means were not large, and my purse grew rather empty, I was glad +to keep away a few days. Then again I saw her in Regent Street; and +after giving her the wink followed her. She walked on, but instead of +going to the house, passed the end of the street. On she went, I went +close to her, it was the second time I had spoken to her in the street. +"Oh! I did not understand you," she said, "besides I'm in a hurry." "Oh! +do come." "Well I can't stop five minutes." "Nonsense." "Well then I +can't,"--and she went on walking. My prick got the better of my temper. +"Well come back." She turned round, and bent her way to J...s Street, +saying, "Don't let us go in together." + +When in the house she got on to the bed without a moment's delay. I +had her, and she was out of the house again in less than ten minutes, +leaving me in a very angry state of mind; but she promised to meet me +the following night if she could, and to stay longer with me. + +She came an hour late, and found me fretting and fuming in the bed-room. +They did not hurry me now at that house, I being already known there, +and gave me whenever they could the same chamber. "I'm in a great +hurry," were the first words Sarah said. "Why you told me you would stay +longer." "Yes,--I am sorry, but I can't." "You never can,--but take +off your gown." "I really can't,--have me at the side of the bed,--you +wanted it so the other day." "No I won't." "Then I'll get on the +bed,"--and on she got. + +I tried to open her legs, to turn her round to see her bum (I had +never seen it yet properly). No she would not undress, she would do +nothing,--I might have it her way, or leave it alone and go. How green +it was to submit to all this. + +I lost my temper, for my delight I saw was in her lovely form, in her +physical beauty; whilst she seemed to think that the only joy I could +have was to spend in her cunt as fast as I could. "I won't have you at +all," said I getting resolute at last. "All right," said she getting off +the bed, "I'm really in a hurry,--another night I will." "Another night +be damned--you are nearly a bilk,--there,"--and I threw the sovereign on +a table, and put on my hat. "Are you going?" "Yes, I'm going to get some +woman who is not ashamed of her cunt." "Go along then." Off I went. +When halfway down the stairs I heard her calling to me to come back, but +savage I went off. + +I walked up Regent Street savage with her, and with myself too, for not +having had my fuck, even if she had gone away a minute afterwards. Randy +as the devil I saw a woman at the corner of the Circus, and accosted +her, she turned away, I accosted her again. "Will you come with +me?" "Yes if you like." "Do you know a house about here?" "No I'm a +stranger." Then I took her to J... s Street, had her two or three times +and toyed with her a long time, stopping till she would stop no longer, +saying she should be locked out if she was not off. She was only +half-gay I think, and wanted a fuck. I had just offered myself in time. +She was a biggish woman of about thirty years of age. After I had fucked +her the first time, we laid on the bed together; she played with my +prick till it was stiff again, and then turning on to her back said, +"Come on,--let's have it again." + +I thought much of my fine-limbed Sarah Mavis, but it was with anger. A +fuck for ten shillings was all very well when randy, but even when in a +hurry I never was satisfied till I had pulled the cunt open, and given +it a general inspection, although it was generally but a rapid one in +those days. If I had the same woman again another day, it was because +I liked her and liked to talk to her, for I always found them more +complaisant the longer I knew them. But here had I been having a woman +daily, and sometimes twice a day, mainly because she was so exquisite in +form (for I had some idea even then that her cunt was not a good fit +to my prick;) yet I had never seen her cunt; nor her backside, nor her +bubbies, nor her arm-pits,' nor her navel, nor anything properly, and so +I determined not to have her again, and to dismiss her from my mind. But +I was hooked. + +To economize I again went with cheap women, and seemed to get just as +nice women for ten shillings as I did for twenty; but I had taken a +liking for the house in J...s Street, which was an expensive one, and +liked the best room, and took my cheap women to my dear room. One +woman said, "Well you might give me a little more, and have a cheaper +room,--the room gets nearly as much as you give me." And I saw a woman +there one night pocket the comb, and a piece of soap,--she stole them. +I heard in pleasant conversation afterwards, that soap and combs were +often stolen by women,--especially soap. + +About a fortnight afterwards I saw my Venus again, and again was +closetted with her. I could resist my desire for her no longer, for +having never ceased thinking of her even when fucking other women. She +was just as calm, but there was a little, quiet spite about her. When +she had taken off her bonnet, and looked at me for a minute with her +mouth open as usual, she said, "I suppose you have been having other +women." I can't tell why it was, but I lied, and said "no." "What did +you go upstairs with one for?" said she, "the night after you left +me,--I was in the parlour, and peeping through the door saw you and +the woman who stumbled at the foot of the stairs" (which was the fact). +"Well I did," I replied, "and saw her cunt,--and that's more than I ever +saw of yours." "You've seen as much as you will." Putting on my hat +in rage, "Then I may as well go,--here is your money,"--and I +turned towards the door. "Don't be a fool," said she, "what _do_ you +want?--what _do_ all you men want?--you are all beasts alike,--you're +never satisfied." She was angry. "Don't be in a hurry, and let's see +your precious cunt." I recollect saying that very distinctly, being +angry,--and that up to that time I had been chaste in my remarks. I was +at that time of my life not at all lewd or strong in word with women +when we first met, but was somewhat less so so soon as I warmed, and +only when randy to the highest degree or by fits and starts, spiced my +conversation highly with lewd expressions. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + + Sarah's complaisance.--Mistress Hannah.--About Sarah.-- + Sexual indifference.--After dinner.--Stark naked at last.-- + Her form.--The scar.--Hannah's friendship.--The baudy house + parlour.--The Guardsman.--Sarah's greed.--A change in her + manner.--A miscarriage.--Going abroad.--I am madly in + love.--Sarah's history. + +She laughed. "Well I will,--but don't make me undress,--I'm in a hurry." +"Of course,--you always are." She laid on the sofa, and pulled up her +clothes,--she was yielding. "No,--come here." She came, and laid on the +side of the bed. At length I saw those glorious thighs open wider, the +dark-shaded crack with the swelling lips showed itself more freely than +I had ever seen it before. I dropped on my knees, and propping up one of +her feet with my hand, lifted the leg so that the thighs distended, and +a large bit of crimson nymphae began to show, the faint but delicious +odour of her cunt stole up my nostrils, my lips closed on her gap, and +kissed it lecherously, my brain whirled as my nose rubbed in the thicket +of dark hair, and my lip touched her clitoris. I know nothing more +excepting that I was up her as she laid there, and spending as quickly +as ever, before I had in fact well plugged her. "Are you satisfied?" +said she as she looked up from washing her cunt by the side of me. "No, +it's so quick,--you fetch me so quickly." "That is no fault of mine." +She had said so often before. I recollect all these apparently trivial, +these various feelings and circumstances, as well as if it were +yesterday, for she had made her mark on me. + +I had partly conquered, and saw my victory. "I like seeing you so," +said I, "but won't see you, or any other woman who won't let me see her +charms, and who is always in such a hurry,--it would be all very well if +I saw you for the first time--(why you have a new black silk dress on." +"Yes, I bought it with your money," said she),--"but for a regular friend +as I am, it is unsupportable." I conquered more, and subsequently, told +her that I might be in Regent Street one day, but I did not go there +(I had made no promise). She said she went out against her will to see +me,--could I write to say when she was to meet me? No,--but I could +write to the baudy house, and they would send on the letter. I called +there one morning, and left a letter. The Mistress was a shortish +sandy-haired woman about thirty years old, with a white face; she looked +very fixedly at me, and smiled. She would send on the letter to Miss +Sarah Mavis which I found was the name she went by; but Sarah never came +to my letter, and I paid for the room for nothing. Then I sent for the +Mistress; had a bottle of champagne with her, and she opened her heart +a little, she was soon a little screwed, and this was what she told me. +Her name was Hannah. + +She had not known Miss Mavis long,--only a month or so before she had +come in with me,--did not often see her now excepting with me. Mavis had +been asking if I had been seen in the house with any other woman, "and +of course I did not tell her," said Sandyhead. She thought her a nice +woman, and had struck up acquaintance with her. Now she often came +into the parlour to chat with her when I had left, or before she came +upstairs to me, when I was at the house before my appointed time. + +Things went on thus for a little time longer, Sarah doing much as she +liked, but certainly becoming more complaisant. She stopped longer, we +began to talk; I was of course curious about her, she about me, I dare +say she got much out of me, I but little out of her. What I mainly +learned was that she only came on the streets occasionally, and from +about eleven to one o'clock in the day,--never afterwards; and when she +had sufficient money to "go on with," as she said, she came not out at +all. "I hate it," said she, "hate you men,--you are all beasts,--you're +never satisfied unless you are pulling a woman about in all manner of +ways." "It pleases us," said I, "we admire you so." "Well it does not +please me,--I want them to do what they have to do, and let me go." "Why +don't you go out in the afternoon or evening?" "No, I get my money in +the morning, and have other things to do the rest of the day." + +She had not been gay long,--not more than a month before I had met +her,--was taken to the house in J... s Street by the first man who met +her in the streets, and had been there often since. No she never had +been gay before, she would swear, and often wished she were dead rather +than have to come out, and let men pull her about, and put their nasty +muck into her,--"nasty muck" was always the pleasant way in which she +spoke of a man's sperm. + +"One would think you never cared about a poke,--I wonder how often you +spend." "Oh! it's all the same to me whether I have it, or whether I +don't,--if I do it once a fortnight it's as much as I care about,--you +beasts of men seem to think of nothing else, and you leave us poor women +all the trouble that comes from putting your muck into us." "What the +devil do you care about?" said I after a chat with her one day, in which +she had just said what I have narrated. "Oh! I don't care about anything +much." + +Another day she said, "I like a nice dinner, and then a read in an +arm-chair, till I go to sleep, or a nice bit of supper, and to get into +bed,--I'm so tired of a night, I like to get to bed early if I can." We +went on talking about eating and drinking; she told me what she liked, +and what she disliked with much gusto and earnestness. "I'll give you +a good dinner", said I, "and we will come here afterwards." "Will you?" +"Yes,--but I won't unless I have you three hours here." "Impossible,--I +dare not be out after half-past ten." "Come early." "I can't come very +early, for I must be home in the afternoon." There were all sorts of +obstacles,--so many that I gave it up, not going to be humbugged. But +_she_ would not give it up, and it was arranged that if she might name +the evening, she would be with me at six o'clock, and stay with me till +ten,--an immense concession,--it was the dinner that did it. I saw she +was fond of her stomach, and that made me offer the dinner as a bait. + +She would not come in after me to the restaurant, I was to meet her at +the corner of St. Martin's lane in a cab, and go with her,--and so it +came off. We went to the Cafe de P..v...e in Leicester square, I had +already ordered a private room, and a nice dinner. My God how she +enjoyed it! "It's a long time since I've had such a good dinner", said +she, "but never mind, better times are coming again for me, I feel +sure." She ate largely, she drank well, and to my astonishment when I +got up to kiss her, she kissed me in return, and gave my piercer the +slightest possible pinch outside my trowsers. "Let's feel you," said I. +Equally astonished was I when she said, "Bolt the door, the waiter may +be in,"--and then I had a grope, and she felt my prick. "Let's go--let's +go,--I am dying for you." Off we went arm in arm. Directly we were well +away from the Cafe she let go my arm. "You go first, and I will follow." +I thought she was going to cheat me. "I dare not be seen walking arm in +arm with a man,--but I will follow." In five minutes we were in the room +together. Sarah Mavis was just in the slightest degree elevated, and +perhaps more than slightly lewd. + +To pull off my things, to help her off with hers partially was the work +of a minute. "I must piddle first,--champagne always makes me want to +piddle so." "Does it make you randy?" "Oh! Lord it does sometimes; but +it's such a time since I tasted it before tonight, I almost forget." +"Are you so now?" "Oh! I don't know,--come on the bed," said she. She +opened her thighs wide, she let me grope and smell, and kiss, and see. +"Come on,--do." Instinct told me she wanted it, I embraced her, and +was enjoying her, when she clasped me firmly, sought my mouth. "Oh! my +darling, I'm co---com--h--hing," said she spending as she cried out, and +fetched me at the same instant. It was the first time she had ever spent +with me. + +We laid in heavenly quietness, prick and cunt in holy junction, +distilling, slobbering, and bedewing each other's mouths and privates, +whilst the soft voluptuous pleasure was creeping through our limbs, +bodies, and senses. She was in no hurry to wash out the muck. "Oh! I'm +chocking," said she after a time, "get off." "I won't." "Oh! do,--my +stays choke me when I lie down after food,--I'm almost suffocated." I +held fast. "If I get off, you won't let me do it again." "Yes,--yes I +will." She jerked my prick out of her cunt, I got to the side of the +bed, she sat up, and was about to get off, when I stopped her, and +together we undid her stays, and took them off. "Let me wash now." "No +you shan't,--I've never yet fucked with my first sperm in you,--let me +now, there is a darling." She laughed, and fell back; then for a few +minutes we kissed and toyed. Her magnificent breasts were now free, I +buried my face between them, and kissed them rapturously; her moistened +quim I felt, and it drove me wild with desire; so gluing my mouth to +hers I mounted her, and we were soon in Elysium again, Sarah enjoying +her fuck in a way I thought from her cold-blooded manner previously +she was quite incapable of,--and there we laid, nestling cock and cunt +together, till a slight sleep or doze overtook both of us. + +In a minute or two Sarah sprang up, and rushed to the basin. I lay +still, contemplating her, and saying I would not wash my prick for a +week, so that I might retain in the roots and its moistened fringe our +mixed juices, the remnants of our first spend together. When she had +washed she laid down by the side of me. "Let's have a nap," said she. +The wine seemed to be getting into her head more and more, though she +was but in the slightest degree fuddled. + +I could not sleep. The sight of her breasts relieved from her stays, the +free manner in which she let her petticoats lay half up her thighs, the +delight at finding her take pleasure in my embraces, exulted me beyond +measure. I joked and tickled her. "Let's see you naked." "You shan't." +"Well stand up, and let me see your limbs naked,--take off your +petticoats, even if you keep your chemise on." She was yielding, took +petticoats off, but would do no more. I had seen more than any other +man, and she would do no more, she said. The wine had evaporated, and +she was herself again, quiet, composed. + +Maddened with desire. "I'll give you a sovereign," I said, "to take +the chemise off." "Will you!" "Yes." "No I won't." "I'll give you two." +"What can you want to see more for?" "Hang it, take the money, and +let me, or I'll rip it off without paying." I closed with her, and +struggled, pulled the chemise up above her haunches, pulled it down +below her breasts, tore it. "Now don't,--I won't have it," said she +getting angry, "it won't please you if I do,--you will not like to see +me half as well afterwards, I tell you." "Yes I shall,--here is the +money,--now let me see you naked, I'll give you three sovereigns." + +She pushed me away, and sat down. "Where is the money?" said she. I +gave it her. "I've got an ugly scar,--I don't like it seen." "Never +mind,--show it." Slowly she dropped the chemise, and stood in all her +naked beauty, and pointing to a scar just below her breasts, and about +four inches above her navel, "There," said she, "is it not ugly?--does +it not spoil me!--how I hate it!" + +I told her no,--that she was so beautiful, that it mattered not. Yet +ugly it was. A seam looking like a piece of parchment which had been +held close to a fire and crinkled, and then glazed, star-shaped, white, +and as big as a large egg lay between her breasts and her navel. It was +the only defect on one of the most perfect and beautiful forms that God +ever had created. + +"There," said she covering it up, "you won't want me naked again,--now +I dare say you don't like me as much." Yes I did. "Do you?" "Yes." She +came and kissed me. I often had her as naked as she was born afterwards. + +"What is the time?" "Ten o'clock." "I must go." "Another poke." "Make +haste then." We had it. "Oh! now don't keep me,--if I'm not home by +half-past ten I shall be half murdered." She had let expressions like +that drop more than once; but I got no explanation excepting that she +lived with her father and mother,--and at that time I believed it. + +At the next meeting she had her old quiet manner, her old "keep your +distance" was attempted; but it was impossible. A woman must always +give again what she has once given, she cannot help it. Then came more +dinners, but she was more cautious now in what she ate and drank, less +reckless in her embraces of me; but we were closer acquaintances than +we had been; she let me pull her about more freely and as a matter of +course, washed her quim without hiding herself for that operation, and +so on,--yet still she held me at a great distance, and was reserved. She +conquered me, in a degree. + +In fact she did pretty well what she liked with me; saw me when she +liked, stopped with me as long as she thought proper, let me fuck her +just as often as she liked, and no more (and it was rarely she let me +do that more than once a day), see to her knees, or to her cunt, or pull +her about just in the degree she for the time thought fit to permit. I +grumbled, said I would see more complaisant women. "Well I might if I +liked,"--but I did not. Her indifference to sexual pleasure chilled and +annoyed me and for a reason I never could understand, her cunt never +seemed quite to fit me, nor fetch me with the voluptuousness that scores +of other women have done. Yet I saw her almost exclusively for three +years, and when she gave herself up to pleasure with me, my delight was +unbounded; when she let me have her with her cunt unwashed after our +first copulation, I thought of it for days afterwards. Altogether +she had her way with me in a manner I did not see, and have only +comprehended since. + +This went on for some months. Whether she had other male friends or not +I don't know, but I never found her in Regent Street or other places +where I had once been able to find her, after I began to see her +regularly, and have reason to think that she ceased casuals after she +had me, and perchance another, that is all. Hannah said often at a +future day that I was her only friend. + +I have not yet described her. She was of perfect height for a woman, say +five feet seven, her form from her chin to her toe-nails was faultless, +if anything inclining to too much flesh, and to too great a backside; +but then I liked flesh, and a woman's bum could not be too big for me. I +used to rub my lips and cheeks over her bum for a quarter of an hour at +a time, when she condescended to turn it upwards for so long a time for +that worship. Handsome her face certainly was, but it was of a somewhat +heavy character: her eyes were dark, soft, and vague in expression which +together with the habit of leaving her lips slightly open, gave her a +thoughtful, and at times half-vacant look. Her nose was charming and +_retroussé_, her mouth small, with full lips, and a delicious set of +very small white teeth, her hair was nearly black, long, thick, and +coarsish dark hair in large quantity was in her armpits, and showed +slightly when her arms were down, her arms and breasts were superb. Her +cunt was thick-lipped, and with largish inner lips which showed well +in nearly the whole length of the split; her mons was very plump, +and covered well, but not widely with crisp black hair. She looked +twenty-six, yet was not more than twenty-two, and she looked most +handsome when lying asleep. + +If I were asked the most perfect thing about her, I should say her feet +and legs up to her notch--they were simply perfect; I have seen them as +handsome in smaller women, never in one of her height. I must add that +her cunt was large both outside and inside, and that she was not a +voluptuous poke to me, but why I can only guess at now; I did not know +it whilst I was acquainted with her. + +"A little of that satisfies me," she would say of poking, "once a +week,--once a fortnight, excepting at times,--you men are beasts, all of +you." She at first refused my mouth, never moved her bum, and laid like +a log. "Here I am,--do what you like,--do it, and get it over,--or +leave it," was her common mode of meeting my grumbling. Her first sexual +pleasure with me was I believe the night she dined with me; afterwards +she took pleasure with me more frequently, but un-cunting me, and +rushing out of bed to wash the instant I had spent, before I had indeed +done spending; until a sudden change in her took place which I shall +tell of, and then she was kinder, more lustful, or perhaps I might +say more loving, and more reckless; letting me enjoy her after my own +fashion, and abandoning herself to enjoyment as much as it was perhaps +in her nature to do so. + +I found that she often now was with the keeper of the house, or rather +she who represented her,--Hannah. So I got acquainted more closely with +Hannah, would go into her parlour, and talk with her before Sarah came. +This began one day when I was awaiting Sarah by her asking me if I +would cast up a column of figures, nearly the whole of which was in five +shillings and seven and sixes. I did it once, then I did it a second +time. Going in one day just afterwards she stepped out from her parlour, +and thanked me. I stepped into the parlour, and got into the custom +of doing so,--if ladies were not in there,--but there was a good +introduction business done, as will be seen, and oftentimes ladies were +waiting there till their swains arrived. + +One day she cooked a luncheon for me, once a breakfast, the latter was +during the time I had quarrelled with Sarah, and took another woman to +sleep with me there. I complimented her on her cooking, she was half +groggy (as she often was), and was very talkative. "Lord," said she, +"you have tasted my dinners many a times." "Nonsense." "Yes you have." + +"Where?" "Do you recollect a ball at------, where all the servants were +allowed to look at the table before supper, and your coming down with +Mr.------, and we all scuffling back?" "Perfectly." "Well I cooked that +supper." Then it turned out that she had been cook at a house where +I was a constant visitor, she had recognized me at once, but did not +recollect my name, or so she said,--indeed it was not probable that she +knew it. She had been caught with a soldier in the house, and had been +kicked out. + +Now by chance of fortune she was keeper of a baudy house, and her +soldier visited her there when in London,--he was a Guardsman,--and she +supplied him with money, and lots he had, for she robbed her Mistress +wholesale of the baudy house profits. + +Hannah had two sisters; one a married woman with a bad husband, and +several children. She often came and assisted at J.... s Street, +sometimes acting as chambermaid,--and about two years after this period +of my history, a second one appeared who had been a housemaid, and who +had I suppose also lost her character. A pretty blue-eyed girl about +twenty years old with a cast in her eye, and a lovely leg up to within +a few inches of her cunt. I never saw higher, and shall have more to +say about her hereafter. Her name was, Susan--a sailor was said to be in +love with her. + +Sarah at the end of some months asked me to give her five pounds, and +soon afterwards ten pounds. She was going to make up a sum of money to +buy a business for her father. She had been dressing very shabbily I +noticed, and said she knew I did not mind that, and it was all because +she was trying to save money,--to quit that life she hoped,--and I +believed it. I could not get her for several days, yet could have sworn +I had heard her voice one day in loud altercation with a man in the +parlour when I was waiting for her upstairs. I rang and asked for her; +the servant came, and asserted that Miss Mavis was not there, and +I never saw her that night. Next day I made an appointment (through +Hannah) for eleven a.m., and waited a long time before she came up. She +looked ill. "You've been crying." "I have not." "Yes you have,--your +eyes are red,--aye, and wet now." She asserted she had not, and then +burst out sobbing saying she was unwell. I was distressed, and sent for +wine, Hannah came up and comforted her (I saw Hannah knew all about it). +Then we were left to ourselves. "I've never been abed all night," said +Sarah. "Come to bed now." To my extreme astonishment _into_ bed she +came, after looking at me in a very earnest manner. + +I had often asked her before, and she never would; saying she never +had been in bed but with one man, and never meant. I was enraptured, +stripped to my skin, and was soon pressing every part of her body to +mine. She gave herself up to me entirely, her tongue met mine as we +spent. "Don't throw me out now dear." "Very well." Oh! miracle, I +thought, and there we lay, prick and cunt soaking together, till we had +another fuck, then she dozed off in my arms, and I soon afterwards. We +slept more than two hours, then my fingers sought her cunt directly; +and awakened her. I told her the time, she sighed saying, "It's no +matter,--it serves them right." It was a day of miracles, Hannah sent up +food, we ate it in bed, we fucked again and again. I was delighted with +the spunk we left on the sheets; then we dined at the Café, and went +back to the baudy house,--more fucking, no cunt-washing, all was free +baudy, abandonment. + +Hannah came up to us about the time Sarah usually left me, and told her +it was time to go. Sarah said she did not care a damn, Hannah begged +her to go,--she would go home with her. She agreed to go, kissed me, and +said I was a kind fellow. I waited outside, and tried to dodge her home; +but was unsuccessful; the two discovered me, stopped, and upbraided me, +and came back to the baudy house. Then she made me promise not to follow +her, and went out to piddle as she said. Hannah followed, I waited five +minutes for them, and then called to the servant. She came in with a +demure face, and said "Lor sir they have both gone out five minutes +ago." + +For weeks after that Sarah was changed, and with the exception of not +stripping entirely did as freely as I wished, she did everything I +wanted, but sleep with me all night; she kept out later, but away +at night she went; she embraced me, enjoyed her fucking, and in fact +treated me like a husband. Then she said one day, "I'm some months gone +in the family way." "Who's the dad?" "You perhaps." "No I'm not,--it's +some man you are fond of, not me." "I am fond of no man," said she. Then +she was ill, and away for three weeks, she had had a miscarriage. I was +in despair, and sent her money all the time of her illness, but could +learn nothing from Hannah, excepting that Sarah was a dear good woman, +and too good for him. That was said before the sister, who cried out, +"You shut up Hannah." So I came to the conclusion there was some other +man in the way. + +Another day I pumped Hannah, but she was an old bird, and not easily +caught. "She is fond of a man," I said. "She is not a fond sort,--if she +is fond of any man at all it's you,--but she has got her duty to do." +"What's that?" "Ask her,--I don't know her business. Now you get out, +there are some ladies coming here directly, and Miss Mavis won't like +your being here with them." "I'm not her property." "Pretty nearly you +are,--at all events go, there is a good gentleman. Whilst Sarah was away +I did get acquainted with three or four ladies, and two of them I had. +Sarah had then either gone abroad or I had had a desperate quarrel with +her. + +When Sarah met me again she was still miserably ill, and thanked me for +my kindness warmly. We resumed our meetings, and again she was cautious, +but no longer bounced me. She spent with me, enjoyed me, but entreated +me. "Oh! let me wash out the muck,--now do pull it out,--I am so +frightened of being ill again." So I let her have her way. She refused +to say anything about her illness, excepting that it was I who had +caused it; but I did not believe her. She usually now gave way to +pleasure with me; at the end of the month I gave her twenty pounds to +make up a sum, then she got still more exacting about money. "Oh! I do +stop a long time with you,--give me more money,--do,--I want to make +up a sum," etc., etc.,--and then of course came a lie. At length she said +one bright sunny morning it was, I had poked her, and was laying on the +sofa afterwards, she sitting on the easy-chair, her lovely breasts +out, one beautiful leg over the other showing slightly the flesh of her +thighs, "You won't see much more of me,--we are going abroad." + +I started as if I had been shot at. "You?--nonsense,--never." "I am +indeed,--I'm sick of this life, and will go anywhere, do anything to get +out of it." + +I sank back on the sofa sobbing, it came home to me all at once that +I was madly in love with her. I was dazed with my own discovery,--I in +love with a gay woman! one whose cunt might have had a thousand pricks +up it! who might have sprung from any dung-hill!--impossible! I felt mad +with myself,--degraded!--impossible,--it could not be,--and for a time +I conquered myself. I tried then to draw her out about herself. It +was useless. Her quiet way of asserting that she _was_ going at length +brought home the conviction that she spoke the truth. Then I laid and +sobbed on the sofa for half-an-hour. "Oh! you will soon get another +friend," said she. "No, no,--I can get a woman, but not one I shall +like,--Sarah my darling, Sarah I love you,--I dote on you,--oh! for +God's sake don't leave,--come with me,--you shan't lead this life,--we +will go abroad together." + +"That is impossible,--if I did you would leave me, and then what should +I do?--come back to this life,--no." "You are going with somebody +else,--who?" "I can't say,--I'll tell you when I am gone." "When are you +going?" "Perhaps in a fortnight, perhaps a little later on." + +I calmed for a time, a fortnight might give me a chance of persuading +her, and I began it at once; but it was all, "No,--no,--no,--it's all +for the best for both of us,"--and again I fell into deep despair, my +heart felt breaking, I had been so happy with this woman for months, she +had so filled my thoughts, so occupied my spare time, that I had half +forgotten my home life. Now I felt alone again, I had told her some +of my troubles,--not all,--now I poured them all out, and offered +everything,--all I had,--to go that next day abroad, and never return; +that I would make her love me though she did not now, I promised all men +could promise,--and meant it. + +"No,--no,--impossible,"--and again I fell back on the sofa sobbing like +an infant, I have almost the deadly heart-ache now as I write this. She +sat looking at me for some time, then she arose, stooped over me, and +kissed me. I turned round, and--how strange that in my despair I noticed +it, and now recollect noticing it!--as she stooped her chemise opened, +and as I put my arm round her, her breasts touched my face, and as I +moved to kiss them I saw her whole lovely form down to her feet, the +dark hair of her motte, the bright white scar; and all in the soft +subdued light which is on a woman's body when enveloped in a thin +chemise,--and my prick stood whilst kissing her and sobbing, and she +was soothing me. + +"It's of no use your loving me," she said, "and it's of no use my loving +you,--don't take on so,--perhaps when I am gone you will be happier at +home,--I can't love you, although I like you very much, for you have +been a good, kind man to me,--I nearly do love you I think,--if I were +with you I'm sure I should,--but it's of no use, for I am a married +woman, and have two children, and am going with them and my husband." + +I was amazed, and doubted it. "I'll bring you my children to see," said +she, "it was to get them their dinners and tea that I always left you +at times as I have." "And at night?" "I always go home before he comes +home." "You always go home to your husband?" "Yes." + +How I loathed that man!--my loathing rose to my lips. "That miserable +contemptible cur lives by your body,--a dirty vagabond." "No he's +not,--poor fellow, he would earn our living if he could, but he can't." +"I don't believe it,--a man who lives by a woman is barely a man,--I +would empty cesspools to keep a woman I loved, rather than another man +should stroke her,--no good can come of it,--he'll leave you for some +other woman some day." Sarah turned nasty, said she was sorry she had +told me so much, that all I said against him only made her like him the +more; and so leaving me in sorrow she went away. + +Now that I felt sure she was going away, I could not see too much of +her; morning, noon, and night I had her. She brought her two children to +me, and very proud she was of them. How it was I never noticed the marks +of childbirth on her before I know not, but I never had. I spoke of +that now. "I took good care you should not," said she smiling, and I +recollected that when I had her by the side of the bed, when I looked at +her on the sofa, it was nearly always with her back to the light; when +laying on the bed, and I tried to gratify my passion by opening her +thighs, and gazing on her hidden charms, she nearly always half-turned +towards the window, and her belly was in shadow. "I don't like to be +pulled about,--I won't have it,--if you want me have me, and have done +with it,--get another woman if you like who will do it, or allow it,--I +won't." These and similar answers always settled me, and I submitted, +for I was under her domination, and in my folly I had actually feared +that if I persisted, she would not come to see me. + +She brought her children in the morning to me at J...s Street, and I +had her that afternoon. Now she was free enough, pointed herself to the +marks of childbirth (very slight they were), and voluptuously held +her cunt-lips open,--she had never done so before. From that day and +afterwards she allowed me to see her in every way or manner, if not +to let me do what I wished. The mystery was over, I knew most if not +all,--certainly all about her person. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + + Poses plastiques.--Sarah departs.--My despair.--Hannah's + comfort.--Foolscap and masturbation.--Cheap cunt.--A + Mulatto.--The baudy house accounts.--Concerning Sarah.--The + parlour.--The gay ladies there.--My virtue.--Louisa Fisher.-- + A show of legs.--The consequence on me.--Effect on Mrs. X..i. + + +I dined with Sarah repeatedly until her departure, she was now often in +low spirits, and drank very freely of champagne; then would fuck with +a passion and energy which did not seem natural to her, for by look and +general manner one would have sworn she was even tempered, and without +much passion,--had I not found that out by experience? One night soon +after she had brought her children to me, she seemed wild with lust. +What was the matter with me I don't know, but I had no desire for her, +and could scarcely stiffen for the embrace; yet she was in ecstacies +with me as I fucked her. "Do it again," said she. "I can't." "You must +do it,--I've not washed." "I can't." "Yes,--yes.--I'm mad for you," +said she,--and we kept on fucking till early the next morning. "I am in +the family way again I think," said she as she left, "and if so will +jump over Westminster Bridge." But she was not, and after that night she +persuaded me not to spend in her, but to withdraw just as my emission +took place. "It will spoil all my plans if I am in the family way," said +she, "all I have done will be of no use if I cannot act." "Act?" "Yes, I +am an actress." "Does not your husband spend in you?" "No one has spent +in me but you, since my miscarriage,--I won't let him, and he doesn't +want me in the family way." + +"You an actress!" "Yes,--have you never seen me?" "No." "Are you sure?" +"Yes." "Did you ever see the Poses plastiques and Madame W...t.n?" "Yes, +two or three years ago." "Well I was one of her troupe." "God God!--and +what do you do now?" "Nothing,--but we have a troupe going on the +Continent,--I am the principal--I am Madame W...t.n now." + +Then she told me she had in her youth been a model for artists, had sat +to Etty and Frost, hers was the form which had been painted in many of +their pictures,--and then she would say no more. + +I grew sadder and sadder as the time came for her departure; so did she. +She said I worried and unsettled her; she wondered sometimes if she +were doing the best thing for herself and children or not. She was so +frightened lest she should get in the family way, that as already said +she made me withdraw before the critical moment, spending my sperm on +her thighs or on the crisp hair of her motte. I got an idea into my head +(a stupid one enough), that if she were to get in the family way by me +she would stay in London; and one night after we had dined, and she had +had pleasure in my groping, and as usual had said, "Now don't do it in +me," I plunged my prick up, and spent a full stream in her cunt. "I hope +to God that sperm's all up your womb," said I. Her own pleasure had so +overcome her, that she could not move for a minute; then jumping up she +washed herself with a sponge,--she recently had used one. I never had a +spend in her again for months afterwards. + +Then for hours I used to look her over and over from head to foot, as if +I wished to recollect every part of her person for ever afterwards: the +roots of her hair, the ears, the way the hair grew on the nape of her +neck; the way it grew on her cunt, and in her arm-pits, and every other +part I used to look over as if searching for something; the only part of +her which escaped my investigations was the bum-furrow, which was to me +an uncomfortable part in all women, and in my wildest sexual ecstacies +and aberrations I neither felt it nor saw it, and don't know whether the +hole was round or square; red or brown. + +After she had told me she had sat as a model, she brought me a small +oil-painting of herself made by an artist of some rank. She was proud of +it, and so was her husband. I offered such a price for it, that placed +as she was she could not resist, and I bought it. She gave me one day a +photograph of herself; both had the characteristic opening of the lips +well shown. It is only recently that I have destroyed these mementos of +a dead affection. + +When I saw that nothing would keep her in England I did my best to +help her enterprise, gave her money freely, paid for dresses, boots, +travelling cloaks, children's dresses, and in brief for everything. +During the nine months I had known her she in fact ran me dry, and in +debt. I spent upon her more than I could have lived on for four years +at the rate I lived at just before I met her. But I was now in better +circumstances than I had been for years, and the money was my own. + +As the time approached, I could neither sleep nor eat, and used to be +at J... s Street hours before I knew she could come; would wait any +time for her, treating Hannah and the ladies, and doing nothing but talk +about Sarah. Sometimes I used to think about following her abroad. When +she came to the house, I used to spend my time in crying, and she after +telling me not to be foolish, would cry too. Then, "Oh! let me see you +naked." "There then." Then came kisses all over her body. "Oh! now for +God's sake don't spend in me." Then came a delicious fuck; then crying +and moaning recommenced. She left a week at least before she had said +she should, and did so to prevent me the pain of parting with her,--I +must give her that credit. Hannah told me so. + +I had arranged to see her one morning, and was as usual there before +my time. Hannah stepped out from the parlour. "Has Sarah come?" She +beckoned me into the parlour. "Why they all sailed this morning,--my +sister went to see them off,--did you not know?" I staggered to the +sofa dizzy, speechless, then senseless. When I came to myself Hannah was +standing besides me with brandy and water and a spoon with which she was +putting it into my mouth. + +"Don't take on so," said she, "don't think any more about Sarah,--she is +a fine woman, but there are lots as good,--I know a dozen, and any one +would be glad to know a man like you,--have some brandy and water,"--and +she took a great gulp herself. "There now," said she bending over me. +"would you like to see Mrs.------, she who met you the other night in +here with Sarah,--she has taken quite a fancy to you,--don't cry. Sarah +will come back, and if she don't you'll get another woman whom you will +like as well. There is Mrs.------, a splendid shaped woman who only sees +one gentleman here,--she took quite a fancy to you, though she only saw +you once." But I was desperate, and rushed out of the house. Where I +went to, I don't even recollect, but went home at last very drunk,--an +extraordinary occurence for me. + +For some days I was prostrate in mind, and almost in body, but at length +recovered sufficiently to attend a little to my affairs which had gone +altogether to the bad for a month, and had been going bad for many +months. I resolutely set myself against going to J... s Street, and +would not have women; indeed scarcely knew where to lay my hand on +a shilling, so necessity had perhaps as much to do with my virtue as +anything else; but I was generally in a weak, low state of health, and +really believe, though it seems to me almost incredible now, that it was +well nigh three weeks before I touched or saw a cunt after Sarah left. + +Then one Sunday I had erections all day long. After dinner lust drove me +nearly mad; so I went to my room, took a clean sheet of white paper, +and frigged myself over it. My prick only slightly subsided, I frigged +again, and then as the paper lay before me covered with sperm-pools I +cried, because it was not up my dear Sarah's vagina, laid my head on +the table where the paper lay, and sobbed with despair, jealousy, and +regrets, for I thought some one would fuck her if I did not, that it +would be her hateful husband whom she had helped to keep with my money. + +I may say here that on several occasions of my life I have frigged +myself over a clean sheet of foolscap paper; it was mostly done for +curiosity, to see what my sperm was like, whether it was as thin, or +as thick, or as large in quantity as at the last time I previously had +masturbated. + +I could not after that Sunday keep away from J...s Street, and went +there the next day. "I don't expect she'll write to you," said Hannah, +"even if she said she would,--what will be the use?--it will only make +you miserable." But I felt sure she would, and kept away from women +still for some time after that,--I was stumped for money among other +reasons. Then I began to spend involuntarily in the night, which to me +was more hateful than frigging myself; so one night I went out for a bit +of cheap quim. Whether I saw Brighton Bessie or not I can't say, but I +think I did, and did later on. + +I went first into the streets near a large well-known tavern at a +spot where several big thoroughfares meet, and where there is a large +traffic, and picked up my cheap women there. But the women, their +chemises and petticoats, and their rooms shocked me more than they used, +and kept me chaster than I otherwise might have been. + +One night I went home with a tall straight woman who would not take my +fee. "No," said she, "I've got two nice little rooms of my own." If you +get a woman for five shillings you have to pay for the room besides, and +ten shillings is only a small sum; so I went with her for ten shillings, +and saw her at intervals for a few months. + +She was about five feet nine high, was not stout, was as straight as a +lath, yet not thin, had very firm but quite small breasts, and a +biggish bum. She had Mulatto blood in her veins she told me, and was +brown-skinned, had a large mouth and _very_ thick lips, the Negro blood +showed there plainly; her hair was dark, and so were her eyes; her cunt +was a pouter: it was small, but the lips pouted out more thickly I think +than those of any woman I ever yet saw, yet they were not flabby, but +protruded largely like two halves of a sausage; the hair was black, +short, and intensely crisp and curly; it felt like curled horse-hair. +I used to think her a plain woman, one of the plainest, but she was a +glorious fuckster; her cunt was tight inside, and yet so elastic as not +to hurt or pinch (and I was at that time when just at spunking point as +often said before tender-pricked). The hair of her head was coarse yet +straight, her large mouth was filled with teeth of a splendid whiteness, +and when she smiled she showed the whole set. It was seeing her large +white teeth that first attracted me before I could distinguish any other +feature of her face; you could see them at night right across a road, +they were dazzling, and almost made one forget the great thick-lipped +orifice which opened to expose them. I have before told of women who +attracted me by their teeth, and particularly of a Creole. + +This _Mulatto_ as I called her, amused me with her letcherous postures; +she was as lithe as a willow branch, and was willing to please. I was +fond of making her kneel on the bed with bum towards me, and her legs +nearly close together, and then the backward pout of her cunt was +charming to me, so much so that I took to poking her dog-fashion. + +One night when I was full of sperm I made her remain in the exact +posture until all my spunk had run out of her cunt, and sat holding a +candle towards her rump till I was satisfied with the sight; and more +than once I kept her in that position, looking at the gruelly lips until +I fucked her a second time. + +She had such a very remarkable steady walk that she scarcely seemed to +move, she glided; her feet were so nicely carried forward, and her body +so evenly balanced from her hips. In this respect she resembled a tall +dark woman named Fletcher, whom I knew quite recently. There must have +been something in the arrangement of their thighs and hips which caused +this. Women who are accustomed to carry heavy loads on their heads +always walk straight, and never roll from side to side as most people +more or less do; but I don't know that either of the women named had +carried baskets on their heads,--I knew the walk of that class of women, +having been born in the neighbourhood where they worked. + +She I imagine had a liking for my doing it naked with her, for she +was always suggesting that we should strip; but she could not bear my +fucking her dog-fashion. When I stripped and got into her on her belly, +she would twist her legs right into mine in quite a snaky fashion, +and sometimes lift her legs up till her heels were almost up to my +blade-bones. She also like a few others I have poked seemed to have +the power of holding my prick in her cunt quite tightly after I had +spent,--perhaps because she had not spent herself, for about her +pleasures in the copulation I am not sure, though she always impressed +me as being a hot-cunted one. + +After I had once been to J... s Street again I went more and more +frequently. Hannah was always nearly screwed,--champagne or brandy +pleased her best. + +When she was so, she would at times gradually let out much that she +knew,--and this is what she let out one day. + +"Bah! her husband indeed!--she is not married,--he's got a wife besides, +and Sarah knows it,--he's blackened his wife's eyes more than once when +she has been annoying them; but that don't pay, for she is his lawful +wife; so he allows her something, and it keeps her quiet, and she won't +last long, for she is drunk from daybreak till night. Sarah's a real +good one to keep the lazy beggar,--she keeps them all poor thing, ever +since he could not get any engagement; there's she, and their children, +and her sister, who lives with them, and then there is her old mother +who she keeps, and his wife as well,--she has enough to do poor thing." +This came out one day after Hannah had dined; I had brought her a bottle +of specially fine brandy, and we were sitting in the parlour drinking it +together mixed with water. + +I had long been getting into Hannah's good graces. I stood wine and +brandy, was always respectful to her and the gay ladies I met in her +parlour, and never used coarse, rude language to them, nor in speaking +of them or of ladies of their class. Hannah told me I was a great +favorite with several of them, as indeed I found to be the case. I may +say that all my life I never spoke disrespectfully to, or of gay ladies, +so long as they behaved themselves; they have been mostly throughout my +life, kind and true to me after their fashion, they gave me pleasure, +and I treated them as if I was grateful for it. + +But I was moreover serviceable to Hannah. Once or twice as told she had +brought me some figures to cast up, and when Sarah had left, she brought +me others on various little scraps of paper. She asked me never to +mention my having done so to her sister, and I did not. I became curious +at finding the items were all in five shillings, seven and sixpence, ten +and twenty shillings; at last it struck me what it was, and taxing her +with it found it was the takings of the baudy house, she told me so with +a laugh. She could not write herself. + +The takings were put on slips of paper by the servants, and by some +process of her own which she could not explain, she got a rough sort of +check on the servants to prevent them robbing her. She had to account to +the real owner of the house,--and how she did it she alone knows. This +is certain (she once admitted it), that from the takings she put a pound +a day into her own pocket. Whether she robbed the owner to that extent, +or whether it was her admitted share I never knew. She was well dressed, +had excellent food, allowed her Guardsman money, her sister's husband +money, and others too I rather think. But after she'd taken her three or +four hundred pounds a year, there was a splendid income handed over to +some one. This house had but eight rooms, and two more closets to let +out for fucking; they often took twenty pounds a day, and sometimes much +more. + +I did this arithmetic pretty regularly, and she became my fast friend. +She told me all about Sarah that she knew (what Sarah at a future day +told me agreed with it), and much about the habits of other loose ladies +which will be partially narrated in due time, and a good deal about +baudy house management. + +And now more about Sarah's antecedents. A new species of entertainment +had sprung into existence a few years before this time, called "Poses +plastiques," in which men and women covered with silk fitting tightly to +their naked limbs and made quite white, placed themselves on stages in +classical groups to the sound of music. Women and men of great physical +beauty formed these groups, they were in fact actors of that class. +Madame W...t.n known as a splendid model first got them up; her husband +was a splendid man, Sarah was her niece, and also had a beautiful form +which ran in the family; she was poor, and Madame W...t.n took her to +live with them, and at seventeen years of age she appeared as Venus. + +At nineteen she had a child by Madame W...t.n's husband, at twenty a +second. Madame found out the father, and kicked Sarah out. Mr. W...t.n +then kicked Madame out, and went to live with Sarah, rows ensued, other +companies of "Poses plastiques" came into competition, the thing got +overdone, he could not get his living; he knew a trade, but was I expect +too lazy to work at it; so Sarah took to letting herself out as model, +and that being poor pay, to letting out her cunt to get their bread; she +had just began it when I first met her. They seem during a year or more +to have parted with all their goods, before she took to showing her +belly-parting for money. + +So beautiful a form of course succeeded, and for a time I became the +principal milk-cow. Then a proposition was made to form a troupe to go +to the Continent; there seemed to be a grand opening, and with Sarah's +money (most of it got from me), the apparatus, costumes properties, and +troupe were got together. + +Off they had gone. She and her husband were the exhibition-managers, +speculators, and chief actors. + +Hannah made a mouth when I asked what sort of a man Mavis was. She +did not think much of him,--why did he not work--he had a trade?--no, +because he was no longer able to get on as an actor, he preferred to let +Sarah get the living for the whole of them. "Ah! you'll see her back, +mark my words,--they won't succeed,--and then what will take place? +--you'll see,--is she poor thing to work and do everything, that he may +lay a bed, dress as a gentleman, and do nothing but take her out for a +walk on a Sunday; she is as proud of his taking her out for a walk on a +Sunday as if he kept her a carriage." After much reflexion I came to the +conclusion that Sarah had only just turned harlot about the time I had +first met her that she did it to keep her man and her family, and he got +accustomed to his woman getting his living for him. + +I kept on calling at J... s Street, always expecting to hear of Sarah. +Hannah was glad to see me, for now I cast up her accounts weekly. I got +acquainted with two or three ladies there who came at intervals to meet +their friends. They were very nice women, none were ever to be seen in +the streets, they had either their own acquaintances whom they met at +J... s Street, or Hannah had introduced them to gentlemen there. They +were not a bit like whores in dress, appearance or manner, and my +acquaintance with them opened my mind to the fact, that there is a large +amount of occult fucking going on with needy, middle-class women, whose +mode of living and dressing, is a mystery to their friends, and who +mingle with their own class of society without its being suspected; +that their cunts are ever wetted by sperm which lawfully may not be put +there. + +I began to stand wine when I met them, and was introduced as a friend of +Miss Mavis who had gone abroad. I was I found well known by name and +a character for kindness, and I expect also for being a fool. All the +women were shy at first, Hannah's sister (the servant) I overheard +telling Hannah that the ladies did not like my being in the parlour. +Hannah at times would ask me to leave, as a lady wanted to come into the +parlour and wait there, and so on. But gradually Hannah would say, "Who +is it?--oh! she knows him,"--or "Oh! she won't mind,--let her come in." +So by degrees I became intimate with these privately gay ladies, and +several of them on more than one occasion joined their sweet bodies to +mine in the game of under and over. + +I had never had a woman in the house since Sarah had gone; firstly +because I did not then pay more for the girls than I did for the room +alone at J... s Street, and because, I feared if Sarah came back Hannah +would tell her,--as if it would have mattered to Sarah in any way +excepting that another woman would get the money she might have had. +Still I had that stupid idea about the matter, and although I had +longed for one or two of the other ladies, and although they had looked +languishingly at me. I never had then proposed a private interview +upstairs. + +One day Hannah said she had heard from Sarah who had asked after me. +"They are (Sarah and the troupe) getting on well," said Hannah, "if she +says so I suppose they are,--but we shall see." Suddenly, "Have you had +another woman since she left?" The question startled me. "No." "Oh! +I don't believe it,--if you haven't you're a nasty man." Then I +confessed, and told her what I had done. "Why don't you have Mrs. +Fisher?" said she. "I'm poor, and can't,--I'm not going to do what I did +with Sarah." "Lord she won't mind,--she'd like you I know,--but don't +say I said so,--she's got a lovely leg,--she's a fine woman,--nearly as +fine made as Sarah Mavis, and she is taller,--she never gets it done at +home." Hannah was unusually muddled with liquor that day, and let out; +her sister was not there to check her with, "Now then Hannah you'd +better shut up,"--and Hannah described Mrs. Fisher's hidden charms till +my cock stood. + +I would pass hours sketching from recollection Sarah Mavis' limbs and +form, her bum and cunt being the most favorite subjects; then so randy +that I did not know what to do with myself, I would rush out into the +streets to prevent my frigging myself,--and erotic night-dreams were +frequent. + +"Why don't you see Mrs. X.. i," said Hannah to me, "she likes you, and +would come up any day if I wrote to her (I had supped two or three times +with that lady),--I would not fret about Sarah, although she is a fine +woman,--you let her see you have another woman, and she will come round +if she comes back." But I did not for a time. + +One afternoon however being in the parlour, Mrs. X.. i was there, a +splendid woman about twenty-six years old. Also there was a young woman +who had two children by a man with whom she was about to go abroad, and +she was a lovely woman. The two ladies had just had a two o'clock dinner +with Hannah, I had just come from my Club after luncheon, and sent for +champagne. All our talk got frisky,--all knew Sarah, my love. If I could +get any one to talk with me about her, I was delighted, and began at +it. Said the Mistress, "Well she is a splendid-formed woman +certainly,--splendid, but there are lots of others,--I've got a good +leg to my knee, so has Mrs. X.. i, and Mrs.------," (meaning the other +whose name I forget). + +"Show us your leg," said one. "There," said Hannah pulling up her +clothes, "now show yours." They all showed their limbs, one after +another. "You might fancy you had Sarah's legs round your thighs, if you +had Mrs. X...i's there," said Hannah. I was nigh bursting for a fuck. +Mrs. X...i pulled her clothes up higher, and stood up to show the leg +better; the other ladies did the same. I felt my pleasure coming, and +objecting to wet my shirt, began to unbutton. "Oh I can't bear it," I +cried, "oh! my God I'm coming,"--and the instant my prick was free from +my trowsers I spent copiously, the three women their petticoats still up +nearly to their cunts, looking and laughing. I had not frigged, it was +fullness, and the voluptuous delight at seeing the limbs of the three +fine women which fetched me. "There is lots of stuff in him," said one. +Ashamed of myself I begged their pardons, and sent for more wine. "He +had better have given one of you ladies that good spunk," said the +Mistress. I overcame my bash fulness, they laughed about what Sarah +Mavis had missed, one professed to feel annoyed at my behaviour. "Oh! +you are damned modest," said Hannah. + +Mrs. X...i soon afterwards went upstairs into the bed-room to a +gentleman she had come to meet. The Mistress said she should lay +down,--she always did after her dinner, and slept for two hours,--she +was fuddled, and indeed always was. The mother of the two children and +I were alone; from the instant I had spent she had never taken her +eyes off me,--never. I recollect the look of her dark eyes and their +expression quite well. Hannah snored almost directly. "Let us have +a kiss," said the lady to me, "I know you are fond of a well-formed +woman,"--and she pulled up her clothes a little. She was sitting on +the sofa, my prick rose, I bolted the door, and we fucked whilst the +Mistress kept snoring. + +Mrs. X... i came down. "What you here still?--what have you been doing?" +The mother replied, "He has been smoking, and talking about his dear +Sarah." The woman was actually sitting at that very moment with a flood +of my sperm up her cunt, for she had neither wiped, nor washed, nor +pissed since I had fucked her. Then they talked about X... i's friend who +was a clergyman. X... i was the wife of a man who lived with her, but +never had her (so she said); she hated him, he had clapped her once. + +The mother went out of the room, and came back, Hannah awoke, we had +tea, I paid, it was my rule then to pay for everything for the ladies +whenever I was in the baudy house parlour. I rose to go, shaking hands +with the two ladies. The one whom I had embraced put a bit of paper +privately into my hand. Outside the house I read it. "Wait outside," it +said. I had been delighted with her pleasure, and did so. She came out, +we walked quickly off. "You go to the top of the next street," said she, +"and I'll meet you,"--and she went another way, and met me at the top. +"I did that in case X... i came out," said she, "let us go and have +dinner together." "I have not enough money," said I. "Never mind, I +have." We went to the Café de P..v...e, and dined; I fucked her again +and again on a sofa. She was a charming woman. As we sat on a little +sofa dallying after dinner, she said she had not had it for a month, +her friend had gone to Germany, where they were going to live, to make +arrangements, he would return in a few days; then he, she, and the +children were going to Germany with him. "I liked you," said she, "but +when I saw what you did before us this afternoon, I could scarcely stop +myself, I wanted it so badly,--I dare say I'm in the family way,--oh! +don't look,--it's full,--it's dirty,--you shan't." The next instant I +was up her again; afterwards she washed, and I saw her cunt. I paid +for the dinner partly, she the rest,--I had not a sixpence left. "I'm +sorry," I said to her, "that I have no more money." "I did not come here +for money," said she. "Let me leave you half a dozen pair of gloves at +No. 11." "No, I've lots of gloves." "Then give me a kiss." She stood +putting her tongue in my mouth for a minute, then giving me a hearty +kiss off she went. I never saw her, nor had her again. Hannah told me +she was in Germany, and very happy there. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + + Louisa Fisher.--Chaffing.--Her form and fucking.--A supper + in bed.--A lascivious night.--Meetings afterwards.--Hannah's + legs.--Intruders in the bed-room.--Louisa's voluptuousness.-- + Enceinte.--Her husband.--Her gentleman friend.--About + herself.--Illness.--Mrs. A... y. + +I began to meet a Mrs. Fisher at the house very frequently; why she was +more frequently there I did not know, and knew it was but of little use +asking questions why. + +I rather liked this lady. She came usually at one o'clock, and had +dinner with Hannah. At three o'clock she went upstairs, was there about +two hours, then came down and went away. At times she waited, had tea, +and sometimes early supper; this was when she was expecting some one +who did not come. I was told confidentially by Hannah it was a rich +middle-aged clergyman. The ladies name was Mrs. Louisa Fisher,--her +christian name I have written truly, the surname is not. I do this lest +she be alive still, and should read somehow this result of my doings +with her at J...s Street; she can't mistake if she reads these pages who +it was. + +After what Hannah had told me I could not help taking a great deal of +notice of this lady, and began to lust for her, and of course took to +talking to her about Sarah. She was nothing loth, and asked me curious, +and at last down right indecent questions about her, but not in smutty +language. Hannah when there used to laugh at the questions and my +replies; they made my cock stand, which perhaps was what Louisa +intended, or it may only have been curiosity without any hidden +intention. + +I imagine that the erotic incident in the parlour had been told to a +good many gay ladies; it certainly had to Louisa Fisher, for one night +after that I had been to enquire if Hannah had heard again from Sarah, +and Hannah had mentioned Louisa, the following occurred. I had dined +early, it was about half-past six, Louisa Fisher was there. "Stand us +a glass of wine," said she. "Do," said Hannah. "Do," said another +lady. "Have you had dinner Mrs. Fisher?" said I. "No, my friend's not +been,--I'm hungry, and Hannah is just going to cook me a chop." I myself +fetched a bottle of sherry, the chop came, Louisa ate it, and drank +sherry; then I sent for brandy, we drank it mixed with water, and Hannah +took some neat. I had began about Sarah as I always did. "Well she was +a beautiful model," said Hannah, "but Mrs. X... i's leg was better to my +mind." "Look how he's blushing," said Louisa. "Why should I blush?" They +both laughed. "Oh! oh! oh! don't I know what you did when you saw her +legs." I was then that odd mixture of baudiness and modesty, that I was +just as likely to be bold as to be shame-faced, when a woman spoke to me +about anything carnal; and now was confused and half-ashamed. "Lord +how he's blushing," said Hannah, and she left the room to look after +business, she usually put her head out when the street-door opened, if a +servant was not in the way on the ground-floor. + +Louisa laughed. "I know all bout it," said she, "she was a fine woman." +After I had got over the stupid bashfulness which I had for the moment, +I went (as usual with me) to the extreme of baudy boldness. "Yes," said +I laughing, "I wish it had been spilt in her cunt, instead of on the +carpet." "Oh! for shame," said Louisa, "well it was waste, was it +not,--it might have made two people happy,--did you really spend without +frigging it?" "Yes I did." + +I got close to Louisa on the sofa to speak with her about the event, to +hear from her lips what had been told her. She said not a word, but my +face was close to hers, we looked into each other's eyes for a minute, +lust was on both. I put my arm round her, pulled her towards me, and +kissed her. She returned it, our lips were glued together. "You've got +a fine leg Hannah says." "Does she?" "Yes,--let me see it." "No." +"Yes." "You only care about Sarah." I made no reply, but went on kissing +letcherously, put one hand down, and going on kissing pulled her clothes +up to her knees. She stopped me there. "Oh! how round, how nice, +how lovely your leg is." "Now be quiet, Hannah will be in." I ceased +looking, but my hand slipped higher up, my fingers were inside the +satiny wet lips, and my mouth was glued to hers, as Hannah came back. + +We resumed a decent posture. Hannah laughed, "Lord why don't you two +go upstairs?" said she, "you want each other,--why don't you go?--the +first-floor front's empty." "Come," said I to Louisa pulling her. She +rose instantly. Hannah was a really good soul, she liked to make people +happy, and to set them fucking; I have seen it in a dozen instances. + +Without another word we went upstairs, I threw her on the bedside, +pulled up her clothes, and opened a magnificent pair of thighs. "Let's +go to bed," said she. "Very well." We both undressed like lightning +without a word passing, and stood, she in chemise, I in shirt in a +trice. "Let's get in naked." Without reply she drew off her chemise as +I pulled off my shirt, and the next minute naked in each other's arms we +were fucking in a warm bed, not a word of conversation passing till we +had spent, those moments are so soul-absorbing in their lasciviousness. + +"Oh! how quick we've been,--lay still." With mutual consent we kept +together in fleshy conjunction, I nestled my balls up her, she tightened +her cunt to stimulate my shrinking organ. But little stimulus was +needed, our spend had only made us want it again, we had scarcely rested +ere we recommenced fucking, and again we spent before my prick had +uncunted. How lovely, how exquisite is the reminiscence! What equals +the pleasure of a man and woman pleased with each other, thrilling with +lust, when prick and cunt are joined, and they spend in each other's +arms! + +Still she would not let me out of her, crossing her limbs over my +thighs, drawing me closer to her by her hands, grasping my arse-cheeks, +pulling the cheeks almost open, squeezing her cunt up to me, she kept me +up her, kissing me, shoving her tongue towards mine, and saying I was a +lovely poke, the first baudy words that dropped from her, I rubbing +my belly up against hers till my balls almost lay between her fat +cunt-lips, swabbing up the oozings of the sperm which ran out from her. +And so we lay, kissing, tongue-sucking, and talking the stinging words +of love and lust. + +Then as repose became a pleasure, and nature severed us. "Oh! my God how +wet you have made me," she said, "it's all on the sheet." "Let me feel." +I felt on my side, she turned on hers towards me, and threw one leg over +my haunch, I placed my hand on her cunt, and felt the sperm, wetting +my hand, whilst she grasped my slippery prick. "Feel how wet your prick +is," I put my hand there, and every hair on my prick was plastered +against my belly; then hand on cunt, and hand on prick we both dozed +off. + +When I awakened we were still face to face, Louisa asleep with a hand +under my balls. I pulled down the clothes to look at her naked body: the +gas was burning brightly, I saw splendid breasts; down went my hand to +her cunt, I groped it, she awoke, and without a word turned on to her +back, and I on to her belly. Whilst couched easily on to that broad +belly, and lying between her ample breasts, and steadied by her large +thighs, my prick lying down against her gap, kissing and sucking each +other's mouths, she glided her hand down, and introduced my pendulous +doodle to her randy cunt, and again we fucked. We were mad for it, +neither of us uttered a word, till she cried out, "Oh! I'm coming,--my +God,--ah!" And then we spent, and went fast asleep again, exhausted with +the pleasure. + +We were awakened by a knock. "Who's there?" "Hannah." "What do you +want?" "Are you going to stop all night?" "No," said I jumping out of +bed, "what o'clock is it?" "It's half-past twelve." "Come to bed," said +Louisa. In I jumped. "Oh! I'm so hungry," said she, "how I should like +some oysters." "So should I,--get up, and we'll go and have some before +the shop closes." "No, stop here, Hannah will get them." I agreed, +ordered them, and we went on twiddling each other's privates, I +recollect the feel of hers at this very moment,--it was like a +paste-pot. + +I had never seen her person yet. The throwing her on to the bed, and +lifting her clothes, her stripping, and jumping into bed had been so +rapid, and so randy had both of us been, so anxious to copulate, that I +had had no time to look, to contemplate, to enjoy her with my eyesight. +Now off went the bed clothes. "Let's look at your cunt." "I won't till +I've washed." "No now." I pulled one thigh. "No you dirty dog,--it's +not nice." She jumped out of bed, and washed her quim, I my prick, we +pissed, and then she threw herself on the bed, and delivered her body up +to me. When I had had a quarter of an hour's investigation, she amused +herself with looking and pulling my prick about, waiting for our supper. + +She was a very fine tall woman, stout and well-built. She said she was +twenty-four, but I believe she was thirty. She looked less stout with +her clothes on than when she was undressed, for I was much surprised to +see how very big she was when naked. She had a very big arm, her thighs +and legs were very big as well. Hannah was right about it, the entire +legs were grand, but had not the exquisite curves of Sarah Mavis'. Her +bum was proportionate to her thighs, her waist was not nearly small +enough, her breasts were very large, and beautifully placed, and +beautifully solid; her face was large and common-place, she had +grey eyes, and lightest auburn hair,--immense in quantity, which was +pleasing, though not handsome; it was not a face which in the streets +would have attracted me. Her teeth were good. + +The hair on her cunt, which was thick-lipped and pouting, was also of a +lightish auburn, not by any means a colour to my taste when between the +thighs,--so many women's cunts are furnished with that colour. It was +thick, longish, soft in feel, large in quantity, and spread half-way up +to her navel, and square across her belly to the line of her thighs. I +guessed it a thirty year old cunt from that. She was a lovely fucker, +and though her cunt was a large one inside and out; the prick was well +clipped by it, and kept in when its business was done. There was such +room to lie on her between her thighs, and all seemed so well placed +to hold a man, that I often thought of her in after time when fucking +Sarah, who was the very reverse; who always made me bend my back when +fucking, and from whose quim my prick would always slip, unless we both +made some effort to retain it after I had spent. Sarah rarely did that, +hating the muck. Indeed when Sarah was randy, and wagged her arse as she +did violently, all of a sudden just before she spent, she often threw my +stiff prick out, which set me off damning and cursing till it was up her +again. + +The oysters came, and champagne with them, we went to bed again, and sat +in chemise and shirt to eat them, said I, "let's have another fuck naked +again," for the touch of her large fleshy body to mine had entranced +me, and thus we fucked. Another doze. "Ulloh! why it's three o'clock,--I +must be off." "Don't go dear,--stop all night." "I can't,--they will +think I am ill." "So they will me, but I can't go home, I live too far +off,--do stop all night with me, there's a darling," said she. + +Instead of a doze we had slept two hours. I at times stopped out all +night, and never without saying I intended to do so, but I was tired and +sleepy. "Oh! don't go." I put on my shirt. "Well let's have another +poke before you go,--the champagne has made me so randy." It had also +operated on me. I looked, there were her breasts naked just peeping +above the bedclothes, one arm out, the hand under her head, the big +white fleshy arm, and the thick sandy brown hair in the armpits. "Come," +said she uncovering to her knees. Off went my shirt, and jumping into +bed the thighs received me, the voluptuous tongue and round, soft, +wet lips glued themselves on to mine again, and heaving gently we were +already on the way to another spend. My God what work, what prolonged +pleasure!--I forgot Sarah Mavis, and every other woman that night +in the arms of Louisa. In baudy amusement we passed the whole night +together, and I awakened at ten the next morning with the need of going +as fast as I could to shit. + +I came back, washed, and we fucked again; then she went as she said to +speak to Hannah, whom I knew was a bed at that time; she went I knew to +empty herself, but I asked no questions. We had ham and coffee in bed, +and more fucking, and about one o'clock we rose and left. My finger must +have smelt of cunt I should think for twenty-four hours afterwards, for +I had scarcely left Louisa's cunt for eighteen hours; if my prick was +not up her my fingers were, when not asleep. Whether spunk was in it +or not was all the same, there was no objecting, she gave way to my +insistance, and we lay at intervals, she feeling my prick, one of +her legs placed over mine, and my hand between her thighs, both of us +kissing, tongue-sucking, and scarcely talking. I barely recollect our +talk at all,--it was one long baudy night; how many times we fucked I +can't say, but it was one of my great exercises. She was tired, and so +was I, yet at the last moment, "Let's try it again," I said: "No, I'm +sore, and in pain," said she. I sometimes think my prick must have been +nearly a dozen times up her, and when ramming stiff for a long time +without spending she murmured, "Oh! pray dear leave off." + +We fucked in no other fashion than belly to belly, we were naked the +whole night, and did nothing outside the bed. When I had paid for the +room, supper and breakfast, I only had a few shillings left. I told her. +"Never mind," said she, "you shall give me some money some day when I am +hard up;" so I paid her nothing then. + +I recollect all this distinctly, I always do the incidents of a first +night with a female. When I am accustomed to them, the more striking +circumstances of our acquaintance remain in my memory. It seems to +me that first night's incidents will always remain fresh in my +recollection, excepting the number of fucks; I recollect up to about +half-a-dozen, then I lose count, there my memory of a first night alone +fails me. + +I took a liking for Louisa. For nearly a year I had borne with the +frigidity of Sarah and her tyranny, "You shall only do it once,--I +won't,--I can't wait,--well go," were commands I had got accustomed to +obey, had bowed to refusals to allow her secret charms to be looked +at time after time, to have my prick ejected before the last injecting +throb had been given. I liked the woman, doted on her exquisite form, +liked the domesticity of sitting and reading to her, and at the same +time just feeling her cunt whilst she laid on the sofa, because I liked +her conversation, and because I was at times rewarded by rapturous +delight when she abandoned herself body and soul to me, I submitted to +all this. But I often rebelled, wished it was otherwise, and made up +my mind to leave her for other women, yet did not. I have said all this +before. + +Now to have a splendidly made woman, who had as much pleasure with me as +I had with her, was overwhelming. I forgot Sarah for a time, and longed +for the repetition of the baudy, voluptuous hours I had had with the +big-armed, big-thighed Louisa, and counted the days till we met again. +The instant I set eyes upon her we went upstairs. "Let's get into bed." +Then it was a race who undressed the first. "Naked?" "Yes naked." She +laughed. "Look at your thing," said she as sitting down she pissed. It +was stiff as a poker; the next minute I was laying bedded on that soft +fleshy form, and we were spending. What a fat, luscious, and grand cunt +she had, though three fingers went up it easily. + +Then to my delight she threw up her limbs a little, and crossing them +over me pressed her cunt close up to my willing cock-roots; and there +we lay, my prick in her, my balls covering her arse-hole; whilst now +and then she gripped my prick by muscular cuntal action. When her tongue +touched mine, she sometimes ran her lithsome tongue over my teeth, or +under my lips, and along my gums,--it was a peculiarity of hers. Then +she would glue her wet lips to my wet lips, till our salivas mingled, +and ran profusely, stimulating our lusts. Thus we enjoyed each other's +bodies, till another fuck dissolved us, and separated our spunk-soaked +genitals; and she got up, washed, and went away sometimes in a great +hurry. + +Soon I grumbled at her going so, and she promised to stop a longer +time. "Have a shoulder of mutton," said she, "and onion sauce,--I love +it,--Hannah will cook it beautifully,--we will dine at two o'clock, +Hannah with us." So it came about; we three sat down to a shoulder. +Louisa liked sherry, Hannah brandy; I brought both of fine quality, we +gorged, Hannah got slightly tight, observing Louisa and I caressing. +"Ah!" said she, "I envy you, you two going to bed." "Why where is Jack?" +"Oh! at Windsor, and I shan't have a bit for a month at least." "You'll +have to frig yourself," said I joking. "That's better than nothing, but +I like the wetting best." Louisa laughed, and used afterwards to say to +Hannah, "Has Jack given you a wetting?" Later on some other free ladies +took up the joke, and Hannah's "wetting" became a bye-word among the +circle of free, mercenary lovers. + +Dinner over we hurried upstairs, and we went naked to bed. This was +about half-past three; there we lay till eleven o'clock at night, and +had an oyster supper in bed. Hannah came up, and ate oysters with us +whilst we were in bed together. We ate them out of the shells, and drank +champagne, heard happy couples over head, and joked about it, talked +about fine limbs, about Sarah's fine legs. "Show us yours Hannah," said +Louisa. Hannah without a word cocked one leg up against the bed, and +drew up her petticoats to the top of one thigh. "There," said she, "I am +not ashamed of it." She had a fine leg, but was a very plain woman. She +had shown her leg to me on the day of the leg-show, when I had spent +involuntarily, as I have already told. We laughed and praised her leg. +"Oh! I'm ashamed of you both," said Hannah dropping her petticoats, +laughing, and hurrying out of the room. "I know where his fingers are." +She was right, Louisa was sitting up in bed, her legs half up, but +covered, I half reclining by the side of her, had thrust my hand under +the thighs, and was feeling her cunt. + +Hannah left the room. We began fucking, I was on the top operating when +the door opened, and a couple showed themselves. We heard a voice crying +out, "Not there Maam, it's occupied," and Hannah's sister rushing in +ejected a man and woman who had entered before they saw a couple were in +the bed. We were too far advanced to mind, I uncunted with the object +of closing the door, but the servants having done so, we consumated +and dozed off; nor was it till the servant came to say we ought to be +careful, that I got up and bolted the door. + +Then began a regular meeting once a week, and sometimes twice. Money +seemed no object to Louisa, she took what I gave, and never asked for +more; once or twice she said, "I want a bonnet dear,--give me one,"--or +a new pair of boots, or was hard up for a trifle, and then I gave her +all I could; but she had not in a couple of months as much as at the +last period of my acquaintance with her, Sarah had from me in three +days. But she let me spend money in oysters and champagne suppers, and +early dinners, Guardsman Jack who had come back from Windsor, used often +to get his fill. I once saw Jack in bed with Hannah, and his scarlet +uniform on the chair; he turned himself round with his face to the wall +when I entered. He had a thick head of black hair, which is all I saw. + +Louisa was a voluptuous poke, and enjoyed the fun as much as a woman +could. I think, (but recollection on that point is not clear, when I +come to comparison), that she was the nicest woman to lay on I ever +had. I was slim, though far from a skeleton, and as I laid naked on her +between her large breasts, and between her thighs slightly elevated (for +she usually raised her legs, after we had fucked and she had recovered +from her pleasure, or when I mounted her for preliminary dalliance), I +could scarcely roll off of her without an effort. She had also when her +pleasure was increasing, a movement of her whole body, and not of her +cunt and backside alone; her breasts quivered with a gentle, perfectly +natural motion, and I could feel her flesh moving and rubbing against +mine from belly to neck in a way which stirred lust in me from the hair +of my head to the soles of my feet; I seemed to feel all over her body +at once, and it was most delicious. She had a lovely lasciviousness with +her tongue. If my tongue was in her mouth when she spent, she almost +sucked it out of me, and the clipping of her cunt after my prick had +been relieved from its stiffness I have already mentioned. Her length +of arm enabled her to squeeze my balls when in various positions, and +no woman ever let me pull her about and look at her cunt, whether it +was clean or spunky, more freely than she did. With many it is evidently +business, with her it seemed pleasure. She took a delight in all I did, +even when I washed her cunt. + +(My pleasures however with her were of a simple kind. I had none of the +varied erotic pleasures that I now know, the bum-hole and mouth were +reserved for the enjoyment of my more matured years.) I should have +seen her more frequently, but she would only come at the outside twice +a week. No it was impossible,--she lived too far off. I tried to get +out of Hannah some knowledge about her, but could not. One day only when +fuddled she asked if I had heard she was married. "You mean," said I, +"living with a man." "No really married, and been so for years,--oh! +don't you tell her,--she'll cut the house if you do." + +At the end of perhaps three months I was in bed with her; we had poked, +reposed, and were in amorous dalliance, lying face to face, she with one +limb over my haunch, so that I could feel her cunt well, she twiddling +my somewhat exhausted prick. "I have a surprise for you," she said. "For +me,--what?" "I'm in the family way." "The devil,--whose fault is that?" +"No one's fault, and perhaps no misfortune,--would you like a child?" +"I?--why?" (I had a presentiment of what was coming.) "Because it is +yours." "Nonsense." "It is my dear,--I have felt certain of it for some +time past, but waited to be quite sure before telling you." "Are you +quite sure?" "As certain as I am that I shall die." + +I was flabbergasted, felt distressed, as if I had done her some harm +that I could not repair, that I had injured her, and should cause +her pain and annoyance. It was succeeded by a fear that I should have +trouble through it, and expense that I could not afford. Then came the +idea that she was selling me, putting a plant on me; that if she were +with child it was another man's, not mine. Then came a belief over me +that what she said was true, that her pleasure in my embraces was so +real, so unlike that of the ordinary gay women, that the result might +be due to me. Overwhelmed I lay quiet, confused with the tumultuous +thoughts and feelings which rushed through my brain. + +At length I said, "Are you sure?" "Yes." "It may be your husband's" (for +Hannah's hints came to my mind). "He!--he!--the miserable, contemptible +little wretch!--he?" She left off feeling my cock, raised herself on her +elbow, and looking at me said, "Who told you I was married?" "No one." +"Some one has." "No one,--but I have more than once fancied you were +married by the difficulty I have in getting you to come to meet me when +I want." "Some one has told you." "No one has." "I'm a damned fool," +said she, "I dare say you know more than you say,--what do you know?" +"Nothing." "It's your child, and no one else's,--I'm sorry I have told +you,--say nothing more about it,"--and she turned on her back. "Are you +married?" "Of course not, or I should not be in bed with you." "Some man +is keeping you perhaps." "No one is keeping me either," said she. + +I could not keep quiet, so much was I excited, and thought of the man +she met at J... s Street still, although she tried to hide that. I did +not like to suggest it, for I had found out that any reference to +him annoyed her, and I always avoided giving pain to any woman I had +connection with; but the matter seemed so grave that I could not keep +what was on my mind to myself, and as delicately as I could suggested +him. + +"It's not," said she fiercely, "it can't be." "Why?" "You are the only +man who has spent in me for years." "What," said I incredulously, "no +one had you?" "No one has spent in me but you for years,--no one." I was +staggered, but returned to the subject. "Nonsense Louisa,--how can you +tell?" "I've told you why." "Why if you've a husband, and if you have a +friend who meets you, how can you be sure it's me?" + +"I have no husband, and it's no friend,--if you don't believe it, I tell +you on my oath, on my body and soul, and may I go to hell when I die, if +it be not true, that no man has spent in me for years but you." "No +man has fucked you!--what do they do then?" "That's no concern of +yours,--but no man's stuff has ever been up me for quite two years but +yours,--I'm not going to say any more about it,--my business is not +yours,--nobody has asked you to keep the child,--you need not trouble +yourself,--I'm sorry I told you." She turned her bum to me, and began to +cry; I tried to comfort her. + +"That will do," said she, "give me some oysters and champagne." I +ordered them, then wanted another fuck. "No you shan't have it,"--nor +would she let me. The oysters and champagne made her more complaisant, +but she was angry and snappish. After another fuck she got up and left +me before her usual time, and I went away wondering at this, and at the +number of women who had been, or who said they had been with child by +me. + +Soon after she was loving, sad, and serious, was sorry I would not have +liked the child, for it was certainly mine, but she would get rid of it. +Then in the familiarity of a lewd man and woman naked in bed together, +she told me a lot about herself. + +She _was_ married, she lived with him and her mother, but loathed +her husband. "He,--he the miserable wretch,--he touch _me_, the +dirty beast!--I'd sooner die than let him," she cried, "if he wanted +even,--but he does not want _me_,--what he wants he gets elsewhere, not +with _me_," said she with strong emphasis. If she left him, she would +have to support her mother alone,--perhaps it would come to that some +day,--she was quite prepared for it. They ate and drank together when +he was at home, but had not slept together for years. He kept the house +comfortably enough,--perhaps he would so long as she took trouble about +it, for he did not care so long as he got his food good. Yes she did +meet a friend. It got her luxuries she could not get any other way; her +husband knew she got money elsewhere, for she dressed in a way he must +know his money would not enable her to do. He asked no questions, and +did not care nor heed, nor seem to notice. That was pretty well all I +ever got out of her. Hannah drunk, and talking to me one day said he was +a very little man, and a brewer's clerk, "a hop o' my thumb," she called +him. "Never mind what my friend does," said Louisa, "I've known him some +years,--he does something of course, he does not meet me for nothing, +but I tell you he has never spent in me,--no man has spent in me for +years but you." "Do you frig your friend?" "If you like, anything else +you like, it's all the same,--I'm not going to say; but neither he +nor any one else has spent in me,--no man's seed has been up me for +two years or more. The first night you had me I spent first, you spent +after; the next time as your seed touched me, I felt a shiver run right +through me, and I got in the family way at that very instant, I'm sure." +Louisa was particular in her language, she never said "spunk,"--thought +it a nasty word,--she always said "seed," or "stuff" when she spoke of +my sperm,--Sarah called it "muck". + +Though I had had such lots of women, and had heard of most things, +yet simple, straightforward fucking had engrossed me, I rarely had +out-of-the-way lusts and letches, and I never thought to ask if her +friend buggered or sucked her, or if she sucked him, or what little +amusements they were up to. At all events she must have satisfied him +some way, for he had known her she said some years. A man was likely to +stick to Louisa, for she was a magnificent piece of flesh, from her neck +to her ankles. + +So I believed Louisa, and felt interested in her belly beginning to +swell, but did not want the young one, or the troubles of paternity, or +to get her into trouble; besides I had no affection for her, though I +liked fucking her better and better. + +Louisa then was away ill; I saw her again when her womb was cleared out, +and we took to fucking as usual. One day in baudy vagaries we had been +posturing, and she straddled across my face, bringing her cunt right on +to my mouth, and my nose to her bum, she had been asking me if I ever +kissed Sarah in any way but the straight one. She began kissing my pega +as she lay on the top of me, I kissed her buttocks, but took no hint, if +any were intended. She was very heavy, and I noticed for the first time +a strongish odour from her cunt which annoyed me; afterwards I used +often to fancy she had a strong smell about her quim, and was fool +enough to tell her so, which offended her? but we made it up. + +After a little time she began asking me if I had not forgotten +Sarah,--did I love her as much?--did I long to have her again?--did she +(Louisa) not give me as much pleasure as Sarah? I had then got over my +desolation a little, and only thought of Sarah and her exquisite form +with a sigh, was annoyed that she had not written to me, and I began to +confess to myself, that for fucking, Sarah was not to be compared with +Louisa. Then I began to wonder at my having been so infatuated, and +let it out to Louisa one night. She said she wished I would keep +_her_,--three pounds a week, and she would make it do, and so on; and I +began to think seriously about the matter, for the expenses at the baudy +house were nearly that amount; and although my delicate senses had began +to revolt at the strong smell of Louisa, yet her voluptuousness was +enticing, and was making me actually constant to her. I had quite left +off my Mulatto, Brighton Bessie, and one or two others of my queens. + +Louisa was again taken ill,--the consequence of her miscarriage, and of +the measures taken to bring that on I was told. She got worse and worse, +and was in great danger; she never wrote to me, but often to Hannah, and +her letters which I saw always referred to me affectionately; above all +she wanted to know what ladies I had at J...s Street. Hannah winking at +me used to say, "I'd like to know where you put it away now,--it's put +somewhere." I had taken no women to that house; but laughing said I was +chaste. Hannah did not believe that, so I said I frigged myself. "You +don't spill it about in that way," said she, "let me feel it,"--and she +put her hand outside my clothes on to my tool. "Oho!--oho!--oho!" said +she, for I stiffened. Then she brought me her accounts to cast up, and +when it was done, "I shall take a nap," said she, "you go now, for I +expect Mrs. ------ and a strange lady" (I had looked in casually that +morning),--and getting on to the bed she laid down showing her legs +liberally, and looking at me all the time. "Good bye," I said, and left; +but have thought since that Hannah wanted me to have her. She never +before or since looked at me in that way, nor behaved with such freedom +when we were alone. + +Her bed was as I have I think already told, in the front-parlour in +J...s Street, and in an alcove, as many beds are in French hotels and +houses; and when the curtains were drawn across it, the bed was entirely +hidden. + +And then when without a woman at my command, and with a frequent need +for one, another piece of luck befell me. The way had been paved for it +before Louisa was so ill. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + + A friend's maid-servant.--Jenny.--Initial familiarity.--A + bum pinched.--Jenny communicative.--Her young man.--An + attempt, a failure, a faint, a look, and a sniff.-- + Restoratives. + +I knew an elderly couple who were childless, and lived in a nice little +house in the suburbs with, a long garden in front, and one at the back +as well; they were in comfortable but moderate circumstances, and kept +two servants only. Every year they went to the seaside, taking one +servant with them, and leaving the other at home to look after the +house; and usually some one to take charge of it with her. This year +they asked if I would when I passed the house (as I frequently did) call +in, and see if all was going properly, for the housemaid left in charge +was young, and her sister, a married woman, usually only stopped the +night with her, leaving early each morning for work in which she was +daily engaged. She was an upholstress. + +I knew the servant whose name was Jane. She had been with the family +some months. I often dined at the house; and once or twice when she had +opened the garden-gate (always locked at nightfall), to let me out, I +had kissed her, and tipped her shillings. She was a shortish, fat-bummed +wench. Not long before this time I gave her bum such a hard pinch one +night, that she cried out. A day or two afterwards I said, "Was it +not black and blue?" "I don't know." "Let me see." "It's like your +impertance," she replied. + +After that I used to ask her when I got the chance, to let me see if +the finger-marks were there, at which she would blush a little, and turn +away her head, but nothing further had come of the liberty. + +When I called at the house I had no intention about the girl, as far as +I can recollect. She opened the door, and heard my errand and questions. +Yes all was right. Did her sister come and sleep there? Yes. Was she +there now? No, she would not be there till nearly dark. I stepped +inside, for then I thought of larking with her. "I am tired, and will +rest a little," and stepped into the parlour, sat down on a sofa, began +questioning her about a lot of trifles, and in doing so thought of the +pinch I had given her bum, and my cock began to tingle. Then I thought +she was alone in the house. "Oh! if she would let me fuck her!--has she +been broached?--she is nice and plump." Curiosity increased my lust, and +unpremeditatingly I began the approaches for the attack, though I only +meant a little amatory chaffing. + +"Is it black and blue yet Jenny?" She did not for the instant seem to +recollect, for she asked me innocently enough, "What sir?" "Your bum +where I pinched it." She laughed, checked herself, coloured up, and +said, "Oh! don't begin that nonsense sir." I went on chaffing. "How +I should like to have pinched it under your clothes,--but no I would +sooner kiss it than pinch it." "Oh! if you're a going on like that I'll +go to the kitchen." I stood before the door, and stopped her going out. +"Now give me a kiss." I caught and kissed her, then gave a lot, and got +a return from her. "I won't--Lor there then,--what a one you are,"--and +so on. "Well Jenny one kiss, and you may afterwards kiss whenever you +want you know." And so she seemed to think, for I got her to sit down +on the sofa, and we gossiped and kissed at intervals, till my cock got +unruly. "What a fat bum you have," said I. Then she attempted to rise, I +pulled her back, we went on gossiping, and kissing at intervals. She got +quite interested in my talk as I sat with one arm round her waist, and +another on her thigh, outside her clothes of course. + +So for a while; but I was approaching another stage, was getting randy, +and reckless. "Lord how I'd like to be in bed with you, to feel that fat +bum of yours, to feel your c--u--n--t," spelling it, "to f--u---c--k it +I'd give a five-pound note," said I all in a burst, and stooping, got +my hand up her clothes on to her thigh. She gave a howl. "Oh! I say +now,--what a shame!--oh! you beast." I shoved her back on the sofa +upsetting her, got my lips on her thighs, and kissed them. Then she +escaped me, and breathing hard, stood up looking at me after her +struggle. "Oh! I wouldn't have believed it," said she panting with the +exertion. What a lot of women I have heard say, they would not have +believed it, when I first made a snatch at their privates. I suppose +they say what they mean. + +Begging her pardon, "I could not help it," I said, "you are so pretty +and nice,--I'd give ten pounds to be in bed with you an hour." "Well I'm +sure." "Think what it is not to have a woman you like." "Well I'm sure +sir, you are a married man,--you've got a partner, and ought to know +better,--Missus would not have asked you to call if she'd a know'd +you,--she thinks there's no gent like you,--what would she say if I tell +her?" "But you won't my dear." "She thinks you a perfect gentleman, and +most unlucky," the girl went on to say, "and she is sorry for you too." + +"Oh! she does not know all, but you've heard, have you Jenny?" I tried +to make her sit on the sofa again, and promising that I would not forget +myself any more she did so. We kissed and made it up, and talking I soon +relapsed into baudiness. + +The quarrelsome life I led with the oldish woman at home was I knew well +understood by the old couple. "I lead a miserable life," said I. "Oh! +yes I know all about it," said the girl "Master and Missus often talk +about you,--but you're very gay, ain't you?" Then I told this girl a +lot. "Think my dear what it is not even to sleep with a woman for two +months,--for two months we have never slept together,--I've never seen +her undressed,--never touched her flesh,--you know what people marry +for,--I want a woman,--you know what I mean don't you,--every night what +am I to do?--I love laying belly to belly naked with a nice woman, and +taking my pleasure with her,--so of course I can't keep from having +other women at times,--you don't know what an awful thing it is to have +a stiff prick, and not a nice woman to relieve it." She gave me a push, +got up, and made for the door at the word prick. Again I stopped her. +She had sat staring at me with her mouth wide open, without saying a +word, all the time I had been telling the baudy narrative of domestic +trouble, as if she were quite stupefied by my plain language until she +suddenly jumped up, and made for the door without saying a word. + +I was as quick as she, caught her, put my back against the door, and +would not let her go, but could not get her to look me in the face, +I had so upset her. There we stood, I begging her to sit down, and +promising not to talk so again, she saying, "Now let me go,--let me +out." "No,--sit down." "No." But in about a quarter of an hour she did, +and then again I told her of my trouble, avoided all straighforward +allusion to my wanting other women, but hinted it enough. She got +interested, and asked me no end of questions. "Lord why don't you +separate,--if I quarrel with my husband so, I'm sure I will,--I tell my +young man so." "Oh! you have a sweetheart." Yes she had,--a grocer's +shopman,--he lived at Brighton, came up third class to see her every +fortnight, starting early, and going back late. She was flattered by +my enquiries, told me all about him and herself, their intention to +get married in a year; and I sat and listened with one hand outside her +clothes on her thigh, and thinking how I could best manage to get into +her. + +"He goes with women," said I to make her jealous. "He don't I'm +sure,--if he did, and I found it out, I'd tear his eyes out, and break +off with him, though he says Brighton is a dreadful place for them +hussies." She got quite excited at the idea. "When he comes up, you and +he enjoy yourselves,--his hands have been where mine have to-night." "No +he hasn't,--if he dared I'd--now I don't like this talk,--you said you +wouldn't,--leave me alone,--you keep breaking your word." Another +little scuffle, a kiss, and a promise. "Why should you not enjoy +yourselves?--who would know anything about it but yourselves,--it's so +delicious to feel yourselves naked in each other's arms, your bellies +close together." "Get away now,"--and she tried to get up. I got my hand +up her clothes, pulled her on to the sofa, and holding her down with +one hand, pressed myself sideways on her, and kissed her, pulling out my +prick with the other. + +Then she cried out so loudly that I was alarmed, for the window at the +back was open. "Hush,--be quiet,--there,--I've touched your cunt." I +pulled one of her hands on to my prick. "Oh! for shame Jenny you touched +my prick." Again she got up, and made for the door; so did I, and stood +there with my back to it, and my poker out in front of me. "Come and +open the door my dear, and you will run against this." She turned her +head away, and would not look. "Why don't you come on?--if you run up +against it, it won't hurt you,--it's soft though it's stiff." "I'll +write to my Mistress to-night," said she, and turned away. "Do my +pet,--tell her how stiff it was, and the old lady will want to see it +when she comes back." "It's disgraceful." "No my dear, it's to be proud +of,--why you're looking at it I can see." + +Then she turned quite away. "That's right dear,--now I can see where I +pinched your bum,--it was not far from your little quim,--oh! if that +could talk, it would ask to be introduced to this,--it's hot, isn't it +Jenny?" I said, this and a lot more. She had walked to the back-window, +and stood looking into the garden whilst I rattled on. "You're laughing +Jenny." "It's a story," said she, "I'm insulted,"--and turned round with +a stern face. I shook my tooleywagger. "How ill-tempered you look,--come +and feel this, and you'll be sweet-tempered at once." She turned round +to the window again. + +"I _will_ write my Missus,--that I _will_." "Do dear." + +"My sister will be here directly." "You said she comes at dusk,--it +won't be dark for three hours." "I wish you would go,--what will people +say if they know you're here?" "Don't be uneasy,--they will know no more +than they know of your doings with your young man." "There is nothing to +know about, but what is quite proper." + +So we stood. She looking out of the window, and turning round from time +to time. I standing by the door with my prick out; then I approached +her quietly. "Feel it Jenny,--take pity on it." "Oh! for God's sake +sir, what are you doing?" She turned and pushed me back, then retreated +herself, keeping her face to the window as she stepped backwards. "Oh! +there is Miss and Mrs. Brown walking in the next garden." Sure enough +there were two ladies there; they could have seen everything close to +the window over the low wall which separated the gardens; and had they +been looking, must have seen Jenny, me, and my prick. "Oh! if they have +seen, they will tell my Missus, and she'll tell my young man, and +I shall be ruined,--oh!--oh!--oh!" said she sinking back into an +arm-chair with a flood of tears,--half funk and shock, and perhaps +randiness, causing it. + +I was alarmed. "Oh!" she sobbed, "if they saw you,--hoh!--ho!--and it +was no fault of mine,--you're a bad man,--oho! oho!" She sat with +her hands to her face, her elbows on her knees. I dropped on my knees +imploring her to be quiet, was sure no one had seen me, and tried to +kiss her. The position was inviting, I slid my hands up her clothes +between her thighs, she took no notice, was evidently in distress, not +even conscious of the invasion. A bold push, and my fingers touched +her cunt. I forgot all in the intensity of my enjoyment, at feeling my +fingers on the edge of the soft, warm nick. No repulse I I looked up, +she sank back in the chair, seemingly unconscious and deadly white. + +I withdrew my hand, then came a mental struggle; my first impulse was to +get cold water, the next to look at her cunt. I went towards the door, +turned round to look at her. Her calves were visible, I ran back, and +lifted her clothes, so that I could just see her cunt-hair, gave her +thighs a kiss, and then rushed downstairs, got water, and as I entered +the room she was recovering. She knew nothing or next to nothing of what +had occured, nor that my fingers had touched her clitoris, though she +had not actually fainted. + +"I wish I had some brandy," she said, "I feel so weak." "Is there any +in the side-board?" "No." "I'll go and get a little." A few hundred feet +from the house down a side-door, was a public-house. As I was going, +"You will let me in again?" I said. "If you promise not to touch me." +She looked so pale that I fetched brandy, but put the street-door key +in my pocket as I went. "If she don't let me in," I thought, "she shan't +have the key,--and what will she tell her sister about that?" It was +a key almost as big as a shovel; she never noticed that I had taken it +away. She thought by her dodge that she had got rid of me, and told me +so afterwards. + +I brought back the brandy and knocked. "Let me in." "I won't." "Then you +shan't have the street-door key." This was spoken to each other through +the closed door. A pause, then the door opened. "You are coming Jenny." +We went downstairs into the kitchen, she had brandy and water, and so +had I. It was a hot day, the pump-water was deliriously cool, I made +hers as strong as she would take it,--it was an instinct of mine. She +got her colour back, and became talkative, we talked about her fainting, +but she tried to avoid talking about it, and did not want me to refer to +what had led to it. I did, and was delighted to think that it was owing +to what is called "exposing my person." + +"I don't think the ladies saw it, so you need not have been so +frightened Jenny,--but you saw it, did you not?" No reply. "I saw you +looking at it." "It's a story." "Why did you faint?" "I always feel +faint if I am startled." "What startled you?" "Nothing." "You saw it, +and you put your hand over it to hide it, and you touched it." "It's a +story,--I wish you'd go." "You ungrateful little devil, when I've just +fetched you brandy." "It's through you that I felt ill." "Why?" No +reply. "Don't be foolish,--it was for fear that the ladies should have +seen my prick so near you,--now look at it,"--and I pulled it out, it +was not stiff. "It was twice the size when you saw it,--feel it, and it +will soon be bigger." + +The girl rose saying she would go and remain in the forecourt till her +sister came, if I did not leave, but I prevented her going out of the +kitchen. She began to cry again, and had a little more brandy and water. +My talk took its old channel. + +"Do you know how long you were fainting?" "I didn't faint, but only a +minute or so." "Do you know what I did?" She was sitting down, then got +upright, looked at me full in the face, her eyes almost starting out of +her head. "What did you do!--what?--what?--what?" She spoke hurriedly, +anxiously, in an agitated manner. "I threw up your clothes, kissed your +cunt, and felt it." + +"It's a lie,--it's a lie." "It's true,--and the hair is short, and +darker than the hair of your head,--and your thighs are so white,--and +your garters are made of blue cloth,--and I felt it, the dear little +split,--how I wish my belly had been up against it I--what a lovely +smell it has!" (putting my fingers to my nose). + +"Oho!--oho!--oho!" said she bursting into tears, "what a shame to take +liberties with a poor girl when she can't help herself,--oho!--oho!--you +must be a bad man,--Missus had no business to send you to look after +me, as if she could not trust me,--she don't know what sort of man you +are,--and a gentleman too,--oho!--and married too,--it's a shame,--oho! +--oho! I don't believe you though,--oho--o--o." And when I told her +again the colour and the make of her garters, she nearly howled. "You +mean man to do such a thing when I was ill." + +I kissed her, she let me, but went on blubbering. "I've a good mind to +tell my young man." "That will be foolish, because you and I mean to +have more pleasure than we have had,--and he'll never be any the wiser +but if you tell him, he'll think it's your fault." + +This had occupied some hours, it was getting dark, but it seemed only as +if I had been there some minutes, so deliriously exciting are lascivious +acts and words. The charm of talking baudily to a woman for the first +time, is such, that hours fly away just like minutes. + +I got her on to my lap and kissed her. She was so feeble that I put my +hands up her clothes nearly to her knees before she repulsed them. Then +I feared her sister coming home; she promised to hide the brandy, and we +parted. She kissed me, and let me feel to her knees to induce me to go. +"Oh! for God's sake sir, do go before my sister comes." My last words +were. "Mind you've felt my cock, and I've felt your cunt." "Pray +go"--and I departed, leaving her tearful, excited, and in a state of +exhaustion which seemed to me unaccountable. + +Probably had I persisted a little longer I should have had her, such +was the lassitude into which she had fallen; but I felt that I had made +progress, and went home rejoicing, and forming plans for the future. +When I had had some food, and thought over the matter, I came to the +conclusion that I had been a fool in leaving her, and that had I pushed +matters more determinate at the last moment, I should have certainly +fucked her before I had left. I was mad with myself when I reflected on +that, and the opportunity lost, which might not occur again. + +Jenny had not fainted quite, but though unable to speak, resist, or +indeed move, she must have been partially conscious. I think this from +what I know of her nature afterwards. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + + When are women most lewd.--Garters, money, and promises.-- + About my servant.--The neckerchief.--Armpits felt.--Warm + hints.--Lewd suggestions.--Baudy language.--Tickling.-- + "Fanny Hill".--Garters tried.--Red fingers.--Struggle, and + escape.--Locked out.--I leave.--Baudy predictions, and + verifications. + +I have a confused recollection of thinking myself the next day an ass, +for having missed a good opportunity of spermatizing a fresh cunt; yet +for some reason or another it must have been three days before I went to +try my luck again. + +I had about this time of my life began to frame intentions, and +calculate my actions towards women; although still mostly ruled by +impulse and opportunity in love matters. My philosophy was owing to +experience, and also in a degree to my friend the Major, to whom some +years before I had confided my having commissioned a French woman to get +me a virgin. He was older, poorer, and more dissolute than ever, "He is +the baudiest old rascal that ever I heard tell a story," was the remark +of a man at our Club one night. Ask him to dinner in a quiet way by +himself, give him unlimited wine, and he would in an hour or two begin +his confidential advice in the amatory line, and in a wonderful manner +tell of his own adventures, and give reasons why he did this or that, +why he succeeded with this woman, or missed that girl, in a way as +amusing, and instructive to a young listener, as could be imagined. + +"If you want to get over a girl," he would say, "never flurry her till +her belly's full of meat and wine; let the grub work. As long as she is +worth fucking, it's sure to make a woman randy at some time. If she is +not twenty-five she'll be randy directly her belly is filled,--then go +at her. If she's thirty, give her half-an-hour. If she's thirty-five let +her digest an hour, she won't feel the warmth of the dinner in her cunt +till then. Then she'll want to piss, and directly after that she'll +be ready for you without her knowing it. But don't flurry your young +un,--talk a little quiet smut whilst feeding, just to make her laugh +and think of baudy things; then when she has left table, get at her. But +it's well," the old Major would say, "to leave a woman alone in a room +for a few minutes after she has dined, perhaps then she will let slip a +fart or two, perhaps she'll piss,--she'll be all the better for the wind +and water being out. A woman's cunt doesn't get piss-proud like a man's +prick you know, they're differently made from us my boy,--but show any +one of them your prick as soon as you can, it's a great persuader. Once +they have seen it they can't forget it, it will keep in their minds. +And a baudy book, they won't ever look at till you've fucked them!--oh! +won't they!--they would at church if you left them alone with it." And +so the Major instructed us. + +About three days afterwards, taking a pair of garters, two small showy +neckerchiefs, and _Fanny Hill_ with me, I knocked at the door. "Oh! +you!" said she colouring up. "Yes,--is everything right?" "Yes! all +right, what should be the matter sir?" She stood at the street-door +holding it open, though I had entered the hall. I turned, closed the +door, and caught hold of her. + +"Now none of that pray sir, you insulted me enough last time." "I could +not help it, you're so lovely, it's your fault,--forgive me, and I won't +do so any more,--here is a sovereign, take it, kiss me, and make it +up." "I don't want your money," said she sulkily. "Take it, I give it +with real pleasure,--what I had the other day was worth double." + +"I won't be paid for your rudeness, if that's what you mean." "Lord my +dear I've no occasion to pay for that, I took it without pay,--I wish I +could get what I told you yesterday,--I'd give ten times the sum." "You +are going on again." "Don't be foolish,--take it, buy a pair of silk +stockings." "Your plump legs would look so nice in them,"--and I forced +her to put the money into her pocket. + +Then I got her to the parlour, to sit down, to allow me to kiss her, +and then to talk about me and my "Missus," as she called her, a subject +which seemed to excite her, for she began asking me question after +question, and listened to all I said with breathless attention about my +daily habits, rows, and fast doings. Once I stopped at some question. +"I won't tell you that." "Oh! do,--do." "No it's curious." "Do,--do." It +was about a pretty servant-girl whom I had noticed in my house. "It will +offend you if I do." "No it won't." "Well give me a kiss then." + +She kissed me. She had stood up a moment, now she sat down again by me +on the sofa. I went on with my story, every now and then I stopped till +she kissed me, it came to a kiss every minute, as I sat with my arm +round her waist, talking. + +Said I, "It was a servant whom my wife turned out at a day's notice,--a +pretty girl,--I had taken to kissing her, and then I nudged her +somewhere you know. One night when she opened the door, I saw by the +light that my wife was in our bed-room. 'Is your Mistress upstairs?' +'Yes sir.' 'And the cook?' 'Yes.' Then I closed with her. 'Don't sir, +Missus will hear.' I hugged her closer, shoved her up against the wall, +got my hand on to her cunt, felt her, and gave her half-a-sovereign. How +delicious it was to get the fingers on to the wet nick of that pretty +girl, and say, 'How I should like to fuck that Mary.'" I told it in +words like that to Jenny, and she sat listening. At the word "fuck" up +she got. + +"You are a going on rude again." "You asked me." "Not for that." "But +that's what I had to tell, what you kissed me to tell." "I didn't think +you would say rude things." "Sit down, and I'll tell you without rude +words." And so I did, telling all over again with additions, but instead +of saying "cunt," "fuck," and so on, said, "I got my hand you know +where,"--"and then she let me you know what,"--"she was frightened to +let me do, you guess what I wanted." + +"Luckily though she foolishly told her fellow-servant, she did not say +who had been feeling her. That sneak told my wife, who told me about it, +or all she knew, and said she could not keep such an improper girl in +the house as that. 'But the other servant may have told a lie to spite +her.' 'Perhaps, but I'll turn her out too',--and so she did, both left." + +Thus I talked to Jenny till I expect her quim was hot enough; then said +I, "Here is a pretty neckerchief,--put it on." "Oh! how pretty." "I +won't give it you unless you put it on." She went to the glass and +unbuttoned the top of her dress, which was made to button on the front. +I saw her white fat bosom, she threw the kerchief round the neck, and +tried to push it down the back. "Let me put it down,--it's difficult." +She let me. "You are not unbuttoned enough,--it's too tight." She undid +another button, I pushed down the kerchief, and releasing my hand as I +stood at the back of her, put it over her shoulder, and down in front, +pushing it well under her left breast. "Oh! what a lovely breast you +have,--let me kiss it." + +A shriek, a scuffle; In the scuffle I burst off a button or two, which +exposed her breast, and getting my hand on to one of the globes began +feeling and kissing it. Then I slid my hand further down, and under her +armpit. "Oh! what a shame,--don't,--I don't like it." "How lovely,--kiss, +kiss,--oh! Jenny what a lot of hair I can feel under here." +"Oh!--screach,--screach,--oh! don't tickle me,--oh!--oh!,"--and she +crouched as women do who can't bear tickling. I saw my advantage. "Are +you ticklish?" "Yes,--oh!--(screach,--screach),--oh! leave off." + +Instead of leaving off I tickled harder than ever. She got my hand out, +but I closed on her, tickling her under her arm, pinching her sides, and +got her into such a state of excitement, that directly I touched her she +screached with wild laughter; the very idea of being touched made her +shiver. We were on the sofa, she yelling struggling whilst I pinched +her, she trying to get away from me, but fruitlessly; I buried my face +in her breasts which were now largely exposed, and she fell back I with +my face on her, and holding her tight. Then I put one hand down, feeling +outside for her notch; that stopped her screaching, and she pushed me +off as she got up. + +I soothed her, begged pardon, spoke of the hair in her armpits, wondered +if it was the same colour that it was lower down. Now she shammed anger, +boxed my ears, and we make it up. I produced the garters. "Oh! what a +lovely pair." "They're yours if you let me put them on." "I won't." "Let +me put on halfway up." "No." "Just above the ankle." "No, my stockings +are dirty." "Never mind." "No." Then she made an excuse, said she must +see to something, and left the room. I thought she was going to piddle. + +She came back. I found afterwards she had been out to lace up her boots, +they were untidy. It was coquettishness, female instinct, for she wanted +the garters, and meant to let me try them on, though refusing. "Where +do you garter, about knee?" "I shan't tell you." "I've seen,--let me put +them on below the knees." "No." "Then I'll give them to another woman +who will let me." "I don't care." I threw the garters on to the table +after some fruitless attempts. I was getting awfully lewd with our +conversation. + +"Do you like reading?" "Yes." "Pictures?" "Yes." "I've a curious book +here." "What is it?" I took the book out. "The Adventures of Fanny Hill" +"Who was she?" "A gay lady,--it tells how she was seduced, how she had +lots of lovers, was caught in bed with men,--would you like to read it?" +"I should." "We will read it together,--but look at the pictures,"--this +the fourth or fifth time in my life I have tried this manoeuvre with +women. + +I opened the book at a picture of a plump, leering, lecherous-looking +woman squatting, and pissing on the floor, and holding a dark-red, +black-haired, thick-lipped cunt open with her fingers. All sorts of +little baudy sketches were round the margin of the picture. The early +editions of _Fanny Hill_ had that frontispiece. + +She was flabbergasted, silent. Then she burst out laughing, stopped and +said, "What a nasty book,--such books ought to be burnt." "I like them, +they're so funny." I turned over a page. "Look, here is she with a boy +who sold her watercresses, is not his prick a big one?" She looked +on silently, I heard her breathing hard. I turned over picture after +picture. Suddenly she knocked the book out of my hand to the other side +of the room. "I won't see such things," said she. "Won't you look at it +by yourself?" "If you leave it here I'll burn it." "No you won't, you'll +take it to bed with you." There I left the book lying, it was open and +the frontispiece showing. "Look at her legs," said I, for we could see +the picture as we sat on the sofa; and I began to kiss and tickle her +again. + +She shrieked, laughed, got away, and rushed to the door. I brought her +back, desisted from tickling and lewd talking, though I was getting +randier than ever. "Now have the garters,--let me put one round the +leg, just to see how it looks,--just half-way up the calf." After much +persuasion, after pulling up my trowsers, and showing how a garter +looked round my calf, she partly consented. "Promise me you won't tickle +me." I promised everything. + +I dropped on one knee, she sat on the sofa. "Put one foot on my leg." +She put one foot there, and carefully raised her clothes an inch or +two above the boot-top. "A little higher." She raised it holding her +petticoats tight round the leg, and I slipped the garter round it. "It's +too loose, raise a little more." "I won't any higher,--I can see how it +looks." "Won't they look nice when they are above the knee? and won't +your young man be pleased when he sees them there." "My young man won't +see them any more than you will." "Let me slip on the other." The same +process, the same care on her part. She bestowed all her care on the +limb I was gartering, lest I should slip the garter higher up. The +remainder of her clothes were loose round her other leg. Then I pushed +my hand up her clothes and herself back on the sofa, relinquishing the +leg I was gartering. + +Rapidly my hand felt thighs, hair, cunt, How wet! What is this which +catches my fingers?--what is it they are gliding between? With a yell +she pushed me away, and got up as I withdrew my fingers. She had a +napkin on, my fingers were stained red. "Oh, you beast," said she +bursting into tears. I caught hold of her, and began to tickle her; she +pushed me violently away, and escaping, rushed downstairs, slammed the +kitchen-door in my face, and locked herself in. I have been accustomed +to this behaviour on similar occasions. + +I stood outside begging pardon, talking baudiness, I tried to burst open +the door, and could not. I was not fond of poorliness in women, had a +keen nose, and oftentimes could smell a woman if poorly, even with her +clothes down; how it was I did not smell _her_, considering how near +my nose had been to her split and her breasts, I can't say, but suppose +randiness overcame my other senses. I played with my prick which was in +an inflammatory state, feeling it made me much randier, I called through +the door how I wanted to fuck her, how my prick was bursting, how +I would frig myself if she did not let me. "What a hard-hearted +girl,--I'll give you ten pounds to let me,--who will know it, but you +and me?" and a lot more; but it was of no use, and at length I went +upstairs, determining to wait, and thinking that in time she might +follow me. + +On the sofa I sat thinking of what I had done. There lay one garter, +I took it up, and rolled it round my pego. I rubbed the tip with it, +thinking it might be a spell. I took up _Fanny Hill_, got more excitedly +reading the book, looking at its salacious pictures, and feeling my +prick at the same time. Then the sense ol pleasure got beyond control, +and laying down the book on the floor just beneath me, where I could +see a baudy picture, I turned on my side on the sofa, and frigged till a +shower of spunk shot out. + +Then down I went. The door was still locked, my senses were calmed, but +I talked baudy, and offered her money without a reply; growing tired, +I bawled out, "I'm going,--you will let me in a day or two, and get the +ten pounds towards the new shop,--you won't be so unkind when I come +again." "I'll take good care never to let you in," said she. They were +the only words I could get out of her. I went upstairs, took a slip of +paper, and wrote on it, "I have wrapped the garter round my prick, it +is a charm. Directly you put it on I shall know, for my prick will +stiffen,--you will put it on I am sure; and directly my prick stiffens, +your cunt will long to have it up it, even if I am miles away. You will +put the garter on, for you can't help doing so,--I'm sure to fuck +you, neither you nor I could avoid it if we would. Why should we deny +ourselves the pleasure,--no one will know it, and you will be ten pounds +the richer." I wrote that or something nearly like it, and charmed with +my own wit, rubbed the garter over the top of my prick till I left the +smell on it, then laid it on the table over the paper I had written, and +went away, taking _Fanny Hill_ with me. + +It is a positive fact, that about two hours afterwards I had a violent +randy throbbing in my prick, and found out later on that just at that +very time she had put that garter on. + +(And now for the complete understanding of what follows, it must be +stated that the house was in plan nearly like that which I inhabited +when I had my beautiful servant Mary. Kitchens in the basement, two +parlours with folding doors between them, nearly always open; and rooms +back and front over the parlours; and that my absent friend did with +those rooms whilst absent at the seaside, what was not unusual with +people of their class in those days, lock most of them up, leaving only +sufficient for the servant, or caretaker, to inhabit.) + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + + "Fanny Hill" sent to Jenny.--My next visit.--Thunder, + lightning, sherry, and lust.--A chase round a table.--The + money taken.--Tickling and micturating.--A search for "Fanny + Hill".--A chase upstairs.--In the bed-room.--Thunder, funk, + and lewdness.--Intimidation and coaxing.--Over and under.--A + rapid spender.--Virginity doubtful.--Fears, tears, and + fucking. + +I waited a few days to ensure her poorliness being over. I had not left +her _Fanny Hill_, but why I cannot tell, for I knew how baudy books +excited a woman. The night before my next attack, I wrapped up the book, +directed it to her, gave a boy sixpence to deliver it, hid myself by a +lilac which was in the front-garden close to the road, and saw the boy +give it to her, and go off quickly as I had told him. It was just dark, +and too dark inside the passage of the house to see; for Jenny stepped +outside the house so as to get light, and stripped off the envelope. +I saw also that she opened the book, closed it, looked rapidly on both +sides, then stepped inside, and closed the door. I expect that her cunt +got hot enough that night. I saw her sister who slept with her nightly, +going through the front-garden soon afterwards, and Jenny open the door +for her. I had then moved off to a safe distance, the other side of the +road. + +Jenny was fond of finery, and I had heard the old lady of the house +declaiming about it. Her pleasure at the showy neckerchief and garters +was great, so I bought a pretty broach, and filling my purse with +sovereigns determined to have her at any cost, for my letch for her had +got violent. The next day I had a good luncheon, went to the house just +after her dinnertime, and took with me a bottle of sherry. I recollect +the morning well. It was a sultry day, reeking with moisture; it had +been thundering, the clouds were dark and threatening, the air charged +with electricity. Such a day makes all creation randy, and you may +see every monkey at the Zoological Gardens frigging or fucking. I was +resolute with lustful heat, the girl was I expected under the same +influence, and taking her as I did after a lazy meal, everything was +propitious to me. "How shall I get in?--if I knock she may not open; and +if she sees me go up the front-garden she won't open." But I had to try, +so walked up to the door, and gave one single loud tradesman's knock. + +There was a little porch and a shelter over the street-door. Standing +flat up against the door, so that I might be hidden from her sight if +peeping, I heard an upper window open. She looked out, but where I was +she could not see me. There was delay, so again I knocked, and soon the +door began to open, I pushed it and stepped in. The front-shutters on +the ground-floor to my wonder were closed. + +"Hoh! sir--you," said Jenny amazed, "what do you want?" I pushed the +door to, and caught hold of her. "I've come to have a chat and a kiss." +She struggled, but I got her tight, and kissed as a randy man then +kisses a woman, it is a magnetizing thing. "Oh! there it is again," +she cried as a loud thunder-clap was heard; "oh! let me go,--oh! it do +frighten me so." + +"Where are you going?" "Oh I into the parlour,--I've closed the +shutters." The girl was in a panic, and did not know what she said. The +parlour-door was open, the room nearly dark, which suited me. She went +just in, and then turned round to go out, but I pulled her to the sofa. +A flash of lightning showed even in the darkened room, the girl cowered +and hid her face with her hands. I took her round the waist. "Shut your +eyes, and lean your head against me." Mechanically she did, she was +utterly unnerved. I felt down with my right hand the form of her thighs +and haunches through her clothes. My prick began to stand, pulling +it out, and taking her near hand I put it round my prick just as the +thunder roared. She kept her hand unconsciously on it for a time, then +with a start took it away and jumped up. "Oh! it's wicked," said she, +"when God Almighty is so angry,"--and just as she got to the door a +terrific flash made her turn round again. I caught her, and sitting +down on a chair pulled her on to my knee; she hid at once her face on my +shoulder in terror. + +Coaxing and soothing, and exciting her, in her fear she listened at +times twitching and oh-ing. I was sorry I had touched her cunt the other +day I said. "Oh! now don't." "Feel my prick again,--do dear." "Let me +go,--you've no business here." Another flash came, I put my hand up her +clothes, the tip of my fingers just touched her quim. She struggled and +got away, and in doing so upset the chair which fell down and broke. +"Oh! now what will my Missus say!" said she. Then a screech, and she got +to the other side of the table. + +This went on a little longer, a gleam of sunshine came through the +shutters. Then she opened one shutter, and said if I did not go she +would open the window and call out. The light showed my pego, stiff, +red-tipped and ready. "Look what your feeling has done for this Jenny," +said I shaking my tooleywag at her. + +But her resoluteness daunted me, so I promised not to do so again. "Here +is some sherry that I was taking home to taste,--let's have a glass,--it +will do both of us good after this thunder,--you look white, and as if +you wanted a glass." I had got out of her on a previous day that +she liked sherry. "I'll go and get you a glass," said she. "No you +shan't,--you will lock the door," said I,--I know that was in her mind. +No she would not. "We will go together then." + +We did, and returning to the parlour under my most solemn promise +of good behaviour, down she sat, and we began drinking sherry. One +glass,--two, then another she swallowed. "No I dare not, it will get +into my head,--no more." "Nonsense,--after your fright it will do you +good." "Well half a glass." "Isn't it nice Jenny?" "It is." "Does not +your sweetheart give it you?" "At Christmas, but only one glass." The +sherry began to work. "Only another half-glass,"--and I poured it out +nearly full. Soon after I got up after filling my own, and standing +before her again filled up hers which she had sipped without her seeing +me. "Finish your glass dear." "No I can't,--it's making me so hot." +"Just another half-glass." "I won't." But she began to chatter and told +me again all about her young man, of their intending to open a grocer's +shop when they had two hundred pounds; that he had saved a certain sum, +and when he had a little more his father was to put fifty pounds to it. +She also had put money in the savings bank. I got closer to her, and +asked for a kiss. "Well I'll kiss you if you promise not to be rude +again." A kiss and a promise. She was one of the simplest and most open +girls I have ever met with, and once a half-feeling of remorse came over +me about my intentions, whilst she was talking on quite innocently about +her future; but my randy prick soon stopped that. + +"What nonsense dear, your young man won't know that I have felt your +thighs, and you my thing, nor any one else what we do,--I have +thought of nothing else since I touched you,--kiss;--now let me do it +again,--just feel it,--only where my hand's been before,--I swear I +won't put my hand up higher, just above your garters,--have you got +those garters on?" "No." "Oh! you have." "Well I have." "Let me just +see." "I shan't." "I'll give you a sovereign to let me." "Shan't." +I pulled out the sovereign, put it on the table and spite of her +resistance pulled up her clothes just high enough to see one garter; +then clutching her round the waist I pushed my hands up, and touched a +well-developed clitoris. She struggled, but I kept my hand there, kissed +her rapturously, and frigged her; her cap fell off in her struggle. "Oh +I--can't--bear--it--now--sir;--I don't--oh!--like it,--oh!" Then with a +violent effort she got my hand away, but I held her fast to me. + +"What a lovely smell your cunt has," said I putting the fingers just +withdrawn from her thighs up to my nose. I had always noticed that +nothing helps to make a woman more randy than that action; it seems +to overwhelm them with modest confusion; I have always done that +instinctively to a woman whom I was trying. + +"Oh! what a man,--oh! let me pick up my cap." Just then I noticed her +hair was short, and remarked it. She was annoyed, her vanity hurt, +turned her thoughts entirely. "Yes," she said, "I had a fever two years +ago,---but it's growing again." "Well it has grown enough on your cunt +dear,--did it fall off there?" "Oh! what a man!--oh! now what a shame!" +My hand was on her thighs again, and I managed another minute's frig, +and kept her close to me. + +The heat had become excessive. What with struggling, and the excitement, +sweat was on both our faces. Her thighs by her crack were as wet as if +she had pissed them, her backside began to wriggle with pleasure, which +I knew I was giving her; but again with a violent effort she freed +herself from me, and as I put my hand to my nose she violently pulled it +away. The sherry was upsetting her wisdom. + +"There is the sovereign," said I as she stood looking at me, "that will +help you." "Don't want it." Seeing where her pocket-hole was I pushed +it into it. "Oh! what a lucky sovereign, to lay so close to your cunt +Jenny,"--and pushing my hand into her pocket I touched the bottom of her +belly through the linen. Again a struggle, a repulse, then she put her +hand into her pocket. "You're feeling your cunt Jenny," said I. "O--oh!" +said she taking it out quickly, "I was feeling for the money,--I won't +have it." + +Then I kissed her till the sweat ran off my face on to hers. "Oh! my +goodness," said she as it grew darker, "it's going to thunder again." +"Have another glass." "No it's gone into my head already." But she took +a gulp of mine. "Let's fuck you Jenny dear." "What?" "Fuck." "Shan't." +"Oh! you know what I mean." "No I don't, but it's something bad if it's +from you." I pulled out my prick, and tried to push her on the sofa. +She got away, and then with my prick out I chased her round the table. +"Leave off," said she, "a joke's a joke, but this is going too far." +She was getting lewd, and was staring at my prick which showed above the +table as I chased her. Quick as me she managed to keep just on the side +of it opposite to me. + +"I'll swear I won't touch you again if you will sit down." "I won't +trust you,--you've been swearing all the afternoon." "So help me God I +will," said I, and meant it. "Well then not when you are like that." I +pushed my prick inside my trowsers, and then she sat down. What a +long time this takes to tell, what repetition! but there are not many +incidents I recollect more clearly. + +Then I took out ten sovereigns, all bright, new ones, laid them on the +table, and then the broach. "Do you like that Jenny?" "Yes." "It is for +you if you will let me, and those ten sovereigns also." "You are a bad +man," said the girl, "and would make me forget myself and be ruined, +and without caring a bit,"--and she began rocking her head about, and +rolling her body as she sat beside me, and looking at the money. "Who +will know?--you won't tell your young man,--I shan't tell my wife,--let +me." "I shan't,--never,--never,--never,--never, if it was fifty pounds," +said she almost furiously. "He won't find it out." "Yes he would." +"Nonsense,--half the servants do it, yet marry,"--and then I told her of +some I had who had married. "No,--no,--no," she kept repeating, almost +bawling it out, as I told of Mary So-and-so who married a butler, and +Sarah So-and-so who married my greengrocer, though I'd fucked them over +and over again. "No,--no," looking at the money; then suddenly she took +up the broach, and laid it down again. + +Before running round the table after her, I had thrown off my coat and +waistcoat. "It's so hot, I've a good mind to take off my trowsers," I +had said; but I had another motive. She seemed weaker, and was so, +for gradually she had got inflamed and lewd by heat, the electrical +condition of the atmosphere, the titillation of my finger on her seat of +pleasure, and the sight of my stiff penis. She had I expect, got to +that weak, yielding, voluptuous condition of mind and body, when a woman +knows she is wrong, yet cannot make up her mind to resist. Just then it +came into my mind to tickle her; and then followed a scene which is one +of the most amusing in my reminiscences. + +She shrieked, and wriggled down on to the floor. I tried to mount her +there. She kicked, fought, so that though once my prick touched her +cunt-wig, I could not keep on the saddle. She forgot all propriety in +her fuddled excitement, and whilst screaching from my tickling, repeated +incoherently baudy words as I uttered them. "Let me fuck you." "You +shan't fuck me." "Let's put it just to your cunt." "You shan't,--you're +a blackguard,--oh! don't,--leave me alone,--wee I will feel it, +if you'll let me get up,--oh!--he! hi! hi!--for God's sake don't +tickle,--hi!--I shall go mad,--you shan't,--oh! don't,--oh I if you +don't leave off." "I shall,--I must." "Oh! pray,--you shall if you leave +off tickling then,--oh! don't pray,--oh! I shall piddle myself,--he! +he!" She was rolling on the floor, her thighs exposed, sometimes +backside, sometimes belly upwards with all its trimmings visible. "Oh! +it's your fault," and as she spoke actually piddle began to issue. I had +my hand on her thigh, and felt and saw it. + +Randy as I was I burst out laughing; and she man-aged to get up, began +to push in her neckerchief which I had torn out of the front of her +dress, and arranged her hair. + +"Oh! look at me,--if any one came, what a state I am in," said she +looking in the glass, and there she stood her breast heaving, her eyes +swollen, her mouth open, and breathing as if she had just run a mile, +but attempting nothing, saying nothing further, awaiting my attack. What +randy, pleasureable excitement she must have been in, though unconscious +of it, whilst only thinking of how to prevent my fucking her against her +will. + +"You began piddling." "Didn't." "I felt the piddle on my hand." She made +no reply, but passed on, and wiped her face. When I said more she merely +tossed her head. "Don't be a fool Jenny,--let us,--you want it as bad +as me." Then I rattled out my whole baudy vocabulary, "prick," "cunt," +"fuck," "spunk," "pleasure," "belly to belly," "my balls over your +arse," "let my stiff prick stretch your cunt,"--everything which could +excite a woman; to all of which she merely said, "Oho!--oh!" and tossed +her head, and never took her staring eyes off me, nor ceased swabbing up +her perspiring face, and at the same time looking at my throbbing, rigid +cunt-stretcher. + +Finding she took to yelling, and even hitting me, I desisted a moment. +"Where is the book I sent you last night?" I had till then forgotten +it. That opened her mouth. "Have not had a book." "I saw the boy give +it you, and you open it." "He didn't." "He did." "I burnt it,--a nasty +thing,--I would not let my sister see it." An angry feeling came over +me for the moment, for I thought it probable, and should have had +difficulty in replacing it. Then came an inspiration to help me,--a man +always gets somehow on the right track to get into a woman if he has +opportunity. Nature wills it. The woman was made to be fucked, and the +sooner for them, the better for them. + +"You have not burnt it,--I'll bet it's in your bedroom,--in your box." +"It isn't." "I'll swear it's there,--you have been reading it all +night,--I'll go up and see." She started as if electrified into life as +I made for the door. She got there before me, and stood before me. "You +shan't go,--you've no business up there,--I've burnt it,--it's not +there." "It's in the kitchen then." "No, I've burnt it," she went on +rapidly and confusedly. "I'll go and see," said I pulling her from +the door, she screeching out, "No you shan't go up,--that you +shan't,--you've no business there." Then I pulled up her clothes to her +belly, she got them down, but still she kept her back to the door. +I kept pulling her till her cap was off again, and felt sure she was +getting weaker and weaker. + +Then she turned round suddenly, opened the door, and ran up the stairs +rapidly like a lapwing, I after her. Once she turned round, "You shan't +come up," said she, and tried to push me back; and then again on she +went, I following. I stumbled, that gave her a few steps ahead; I sprang +up three steps at a time, recovered the lost distance, and just as she +got into the bed-room, and slammed the door to, I put my foot in it,--it +hurt me much. "Damn it, how you hurt my foot,--I will come in"--and +pushing the door my strength prevailed; the door flew open, I saw her +running round the bed, and there on the very pillow of the unmade bed +lay _Fanny Hill_, open at one of the pictures. I threw myself across +the bed, and clutched the book. She then stood motionless, panting and +staring at me, she had clutched at it, and failed just as I caught it. +She would have got it, but for having to go round the bed. + +I laughed. "Have you not had a treat Jenny dear!" Her face was a picture +of confusion. I was stretched half across the bed, and now went right +across. Then to escape me she ran away, and had nearly reached the door +when throwing myself over the bed again, I grasped her petticoats under +her arse, and managed to pull her back. "Damned if I don't fuck you," +said I, "by God I'll shove my prick up your cunt if I'm hanged for +it,"--and pushing a hand up behind I clasped her naked buttocks. She +turned round, I pulled her petticoats clean up, she yelling, struggling, +panting, imploring. I dropped on my knees, kissed her belly, and buried +my nose between her thighs. The petticoats dropped over my head, her +belly kept bumping up against my nose and lips, which were covered with +her cunt-moisture. + +I rose up, pushed and rolled her against the bed, my hand still up her +clothes. "Oh! don't, don't now,--you are a great gentleman they say, +and ought to think of a poor girl's ruin,--oh! if it was found out I +should be ruined." "It won't darling." I had got my fingers well over +the whole slit. "Pray don't,--well I'll kiss you,--there." "Feel it." +"Will you let me get up if I do?" "Yes." "There then," and she felt me. + +"Oh! I must fuck you." "Oh! pray don't,--oh! let me go now, and I'll +let you another day,--I will indeed sir,--oh! you hurt,--don't push your +fingers like that." "Kiss me my darling." "You shan't." "There there." +Another struggle. "Oh! I can't--be--bear it." Her arse began to twist +again, her head sank on my shoulder, her thighs opened; then with a +start, "Oh! my God it's lightning (it began to thunder and lighten +badly),--oh! I'm so frightened,--oh! don't,--another day,--it's wicked +when it's lightning so,--oh! God almighty will strike us dead if you are +so wicked,--oh! let me go into the dark,--oh! don't,--I can't--be--bear +it." Her arse was shaking with my groping and frigging. + +"Now don't be a fool,--damned if I don't murder you if you are not +quiet!" "Oh! oh!" I had got her somehow on to the bed, she was helpless; +with fear, liquor, and cunt-heat. I threw myself on to her. A feel +between thighs reeking with sweat, with her cunt in a lather, with the +sweat dropping in great drops from my face, with sweat running down +my belly on to my prick and my balls; I shoved. One loud "aha!" and my +prick-tip was up against her womb-door. A mighty straight thrust; and +the virginity was gone at that one effort. + +Right up there with but a shove or two as far as I recollect, and +without trouble, my sperm spouted directly my tool rubbed through the +wet, warm cunt-muscles. Then I came to my senses; where was I? has she +let me, or had I forced her violently. + +She laid quietly under me with closed eyes and open mouth, panting; I +was upon her, up her, pressing heavily upon her rather than holding her; +then thrusting my hands under her fat bottom I recommenced thrusting and +fucking. She lay still, in the enjoyment of a lubricated cunt, distended +by a stiff, hot prick. Soon she was sensitive to my movements, her cunt +constricted, a visible pleasure overtook her, her frame began to quiver, +and the soft murmurs of spermatic effusion came from her lips. She +spent. On I went driving as if I meant to send my prick into her womb, +fell into a half dreaminess, and became conscious of a great wetness +on my ballocks; it was her discharge more than mine, the most copious I +recollect, excepting from one woman. Then I dropped off on her side. She +lay still as death, the thunder rolled over us unheeded by her in the +delirious excitement and delight of her first fuck. + +She turned on her side slightly, her thighs and backside were naked, she +hid her face, and shuddered at the thunder unheeding her nakedness, then +buried her face in a pillow, and so we both dozed for a minute or two. +Her backside was still naked, when I looked at her in all ways as she +lay, and saw traces of sperm on her thighs and chemise. A little lay on +the bed, but no trace of red, no signs of a bloody rupture of a virgin +cunt. My shirt and drawers were spermed, but had not a trace of blood. +The light fell full on her backside, I could see lightish brown hair +in the crack of the parting of her buttocks; a smear of shit on +her chemise. Her flesh was beautifully white. She had on nice white +stockings, and the flashy garters; she dad a tolerable quantity of hair +on her quim on the belly side. I sat at the side of the bed, got off +boots, trousers, and drawers; then laying down gently inserted my +longest finger and delicately began rubbing her clitoris which I could +see protruding of a fine crimson color. Then she moved; she was not +asleep, but dazed by the fuck, fear of the lightning, the excitement, +the heat, and the fumes of the wine combined. + +She stared at me, pulled down her clothes, and tears began to run down +her cheeks. What a lot of women I have had cry at such times "Don't cry +my darling." She turned on to her face, and hid it. For a quarter of an +hour, I talked, but she did not answer. I told her she had spent, that +I knew she had had pleasure. Then I pushed my fingers up her cunt; still +she did not speak, but let me do just what I liked, keeping her eyes +shut. So soon as my rammer was up to the mark, up her it went fucking, +and again I felt it's stem well wetted. She was a regular streaming +spunker. + +After that, "I am going downstairs," said she. "I'll come." "No don't." +"You only want to piddle." "Yes," said she faintly. "Piddle here,--what +will it matter?" "I can't." "I'll go out if you won't bolt the door." +"It's no good bolting the door,--you have ruined me." I went outside, +closed the door, and heard the rattle in the pot. When I re-entered she +was sitting at the side of the bed crying quietly; she did nothing but +look at me, but without speaking. "Arrange yourself in case any one +comes to the door." "No one will come." "The milkman?" "He will put it +down inside the porch." She sat down the picture of despair. Never had +I felt more lewd, I was mad that day with lewdness. "Let's feel your +cunt," said I. "I have spent in it three times." "I don't care what you +do, you may do what you like,--it's of no consequence." I felt up her +cunt, she hung her head over my shoulders whilst I paddled my fingers in +the wet. "Don't hurt me," said she. "I have not hurt you." + +"Yes you have." "Let's look." That roused her. "Oh! no,--no,--no,--you +shan't." "Wash your cunt" I fetched the sherry, but she had not washed +her cunt. "You should wash it out." "Oh?--oh!" said she, "if I should be +with child I shall never be married." + +She drank more sherry, and promised to wash. Then I went downstairs, +fetched up the broach and the ten sovereigns, and gave them to her. "How +shall I say I got it?" "Does he know how much you have saved?" "Yes." +"Is it a year's wages?" "Yes,"--and she began to cry again. "What shall +I say about the broach?" "That you bought it,--let's lay down and talk." +She yielded instantly, I threw up her clothes, she pushed them down. +Then I lay feeling her quim, and got out her bubbies, she submitted, +laying with her eyes closed, till my rubbing on her clitoris made her +sigh. Then up her, I felt her wetting my prick-stem, and shot my sperm +into her at that intimation of her pleasure. + +It was about seven o'clock, I had been nearly five hours at my +amusements, and was tired; but had that day an irrepressable prick. It +began to stiffen almost directly it left her cunt. I went down with her +to tea, there I pulled her on to my lap, and we began to look at _Fanny +Hill_. I could not get a word out of her, but she looked intently at the +pictures. I explained their salacity. "Hold the book dear, and turn over +as I tell you." Then I put my fingers on her cunt again. How sensitive +she was. "Let's come upstairs." "No," said she, reluctantly, but up +we went, and fucked again. Then she groaned, "Oh! pray leave off,--I'm +almost dead,--I shall have one of my fainting fits." "Lay still darling, +I shall come soon,"--but it was twenty minutes hard grinding before my +sperm rose. + +Then she laid motionless and white through nervous exhaustion, +excitement, and loss of her spermatic liquid, which I kept fetching and +fetching in my long grinding. She told me afterwards that she could +not tell how often she spent. I had never been randier or stronger, nor +enjoyed the first of a woman more. + +She was a most extraordinary girl. After the first fuck she was like +a well-broken horse; she obeyed me in everything, blushed, was modest, +humbled, indifferent, conquered, submissive; but I could get no +conversation out of her excepting what I have narrated. She cried every +ten minutes, and looked at me. After each fuck she laid with her eyes +closed, and mouth open, and turned on her side directly, putting her +hand over her quim, and pulling her clothes just over her buttocks. +Then after I had recovered and began to talk, a tear would roll down her +cheek. + +About nine o'clock she said. "Do go, my sister will be here,--and the +bed wants making." At the door I put her against the wall and rubbed +as well as I could my flabby cock between her cunt-lips. She made no +resistance. "We'll fuck again to-morrow Jenny." "I'll never let you +again," said she, "for you shan't come in,"--and she shut the door on me +with a slam. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX. + + My soiled shirt.--Jenny's account of herself.--Fucking and + funking.--Poor John!---Of her pudenda.--It's + sensitiveness.--Erotic chat.--Startled by a caller.--Her + married sister's unsatisfied cunt.--How she prevented having + children.--Doubts her husband's fidelity.--Jenny taught the + use of a French letter.--Hickery-pickery, and catamenial + irregularities. + +When I got home I looked at my linen; never had it been in such a mess +after female embraces. I had taken no care about it, it was be-spunked +in an unusual degree, and lots of thinnish stains were on the tail which +made me think that one or both of us must have spent copiously. Then I +recollected that Jenny's cunt seemed very wet to me when I felt it after +I had spermatized her. There were no signs of blood, and taking stock of +the sensations I had experienced, "Jenny has had it before," I said +to myself. Then came a fear that her discharge was from a clap, but I +dismissed that from my mind. I had only once had the clap from a woman +not gay. + +So I washed the tail of my shirt, laid it under my arse to dry, gave it +a natural stain of piss, and went to bed reflecting and wondering who +had first penetrated Jenny's privates. + +A day or two afterwards I went to see her and shammed a knock. She +opened the door. "Oh!" she exclaimed as I entered, "now you shan't,--you +shan't again." "I shan't what my dear?" "I know why you came here,--but +you shan't." "I want a chat,---don't be foolish,--come here,--I won't do +anything,--I don't want anything,--but come here." + +I got her into the parlour, and on to the sofa, then talked, then got +baudy. "Do just let me feel your thighs,--what harm can it do when +I have been between them." "No". "Just a feel,--there I won't put my +finger further,--oh! Jenny you like my finger,--be quiet dear,--just let +me feel it." Half an hour after she had said, "Now you shan't," my prick +was in her. No woman can refuse the cock which has once stretched her +cunt, she is at its mercy. We spent another afternoon in talking and +fucking, and she partly in crying and bemoaning her evil deeds. + +I had not only opened her cunt, but opened her heart and mouth at the +same time. She was the funniest, frankest little woman I ever knew. She +told me all her past life, her future expectations, asked my advice, +deplored her wickedness to her young man, and all in an hour. She spoke +the same incessantly afterwards. In a fortnight I knew everything about +her from her birth, and about all her family; it was as if for the +first time in her life she had had a confident. + +"What shall I do with your money?" "Put it with the rest." "But he knows +what I've got,--we always tell each other." "Keep it to get a good stock +of clothes before you are married." "But he knows all about my clothes." +"Put it in a little at a time, or don't tell him till you are married; +then say you kept him in ignorance for a pleasant surprise, or tell him +nothing at all about it,--you will have more than that." "I don't want +your money, I fear it will bring me harm." + +"Well give it back to me Jenny." But Jenny did not seem to see the +advantage of that; so she kept it, and had more besides in time. + +"What will become of me and poor John?--he'd die if he knew how ill +I behave to him,--now don't,--you do upset a body so a talking, and +putting your fingers there,--oh! leave me alone,--no no more." "Once +more dear,--how hot your little cunt is,--it's longing for a prick." "Oh +I take care of my cap, you will tear it,--I'll take it off." "What a +fat backside you've got Jenny,--how wet your cunt is,--shove, shove, +fuck,--where is my prick Jenny now?" But Jenny became speechless always +after three cock-shoves, and began moistening the intruder with all her +cunt-power. + +After fucking she was tranquil for a time; sperm seemed to soothe her, +but then she had funks. "Oh I dear what have you made me do? oh! if I am +in the family way!--oh! if he finds it out, he won't marry me! and he is +such a good young man, and so fond of me,--o--o---ho--ho!--I've behaved +very bad to him,--and I didn't mean,--oho!--it's all your fault, oho! +--I didn't know what I was about,--I never do when it lightens,--oho! Do +you think he will find it out when we are married?" she would ask in +her calmer moments, after she had cried herself out. This scene occurred +every day I fucked her for a time, then less frequently. + +I tried to comfort her, told facts, and many inventions of my own, of +how I had had women, who afterwards married and whose husbands had never +known that they had been broached. + +"Is it true really!--oh! do tell me the truth,--if he finds it out I +will drown myself, I'm sure he will,--it's all your fault,--you must be +a bad man to take advantage of a poor girl in the house alone." "But if +you're not in the family way, he can't find out until you are married, +and then it will be too late. You won't tell him, and your cunt can't +speak." "Oh! sir you do say such funny things." + +This went on for weeks. "Oh! it's my time, and it's not come on." Then +with joy, "Oh! I'm all right, but you can't do anything to-day,--oh! if +my Mistress should find out, or if my sister should come home and catch +you here,--oh! if the next-door neighbours should see you come here so +often, and tell my Mistress." One or another of these fears was always +upon her, but did not prevent our fucking. At that time Sarah was away, +and Louisa Fisher still ill, so Jenny had all my essence; and later on +as much as Louisa and Sarah spared me. As to my home, I had pretty well +done with fucking there. + +Jenny's cunt was well-haired, and had rather large inner lips; not so +large as I have seen in many women, but larger than I liked. Her tube +was easy. What a fight I had when first I saw it. "I won't be pulled +about like that,--no it's shameful." "I dare say your John has seen it." +That always sent her off howling, and when she had subsided she let me +do as I liked. "It's a nasty thing to pull me about like that." But +it came soon to the old world-wide habit: a feel and a look before the +entry. The same woman who won't let you see the bottom of her belly at +first, will hold her cunt open for your inspection in a month. It +is breaking in a woman to baudiness which is the happiness of the +honeymoon, not the hard burst through a bit of gristle. + +It had weighted on my mind ever since I had had her, and about three +weeks afterwards I told her my doubts of her then being a virgin. +She swore that no man had even put his hands on it till I did. "Am +I different from other woman?" She was indignant at the doubt, and +honestly and truly I believe. A schoolfellow used to look at her quim, +she at her schoolfellow's, she always thought hers was the most open of +the two, she always could put her finger up easily, "but you did hurt me +through, though I did not bleed. My sister says she did bleed a little +when she first had her husband,"--and Jenny now described her sister's +first night, and her sister's form, and rather wetted my lust for her +sister. + +I came to the conclusion that she was born loose at her inlet, or had +broken through the cover when quite young, and that no prick had +rubbed her but mine; but her organ was a peculiar one in it's habit of +distilling its liquids. + +I have told how my shirt was stained at first, and soon found that Jenny +was one of those women who spend rapidly, frequently, and copiously. I +have met I think two like her in my career, to the time I correct this. + +On the second day's poking I noticed this and became fully aware of it +afterwards. When I put my prick up her, and began my movements; a +shiver and a sigh escaped her almost directly, her bum gave a heave, +a discharge came from her, and if I pulled my prick out then, it was +perfectly wet. It used in fact to run out a little, and if pushing one +hand well under her arse (which was not so easy, for she had a fine +backside), I felt the root of my prick, or rather the end of the stem, +I could feel her moisture running down one of her bum-cheeks, or +between them. That over by the time I spent we usually discharged +simultaneously. Her voluptuousness was greater when we spent together, +than on her preliminary discharge. She said she could not account for +it, but that a delicious sensation crept over her the moment the prick +entered; that her cunt tightened and seemed to wet itself copiously; +that her spend at the climax was longer, more thrilling, voluptuous, +satisfying, and exhausting; that when our spunks had mingled her whole +body was satisfied; but that her first spend seemed only to confine its +pleasure to her cunt. It is difficult to describe these sensations. + +I frigged her several times, and got a copious discharge from her, thin, +milky, and barely sticky, yet it left a strong stain on linen. She was +astonished when I told her of her peculiarity. Perhaps she wondered what +her poor John would think of it. I can't say I altogether admired her +wetness; I took a dislike to a tall thin girl who was much of the same +sort as Jenny, but that girl was quite slippy-cunted, though not with +the whites. This was since. + +(Another woman who had this sensitive and sensuous [for it was both] +organization, was the sister of an intimate friend, and whom I have +fucked since the above was written. I don't know that I shall say +anything more about the lady, so tell of her cuntal peculiarity here. +She was plump, fair-faced, had a fine complexion, and in face strongly +resembled the queen. She was to be married.) + +When her young man came to town, and Jenny went out with him, the girl +upbraided herself. When I next saw her after his visit she felt herself +a deceiving wretch, and cried. Now would I please desist, and not make +her sin any more. But the persuasion was too great, the recollection of +her pleasure too strong, and never did I go away without having plugged +her. + +Did she love her young man? Yes she supposed she did; he was kind, +attentive, and would make a good husband. She wanted to get married, to +have a home of her own; besides he was not a workman, but a tradesman, +and when married they would have a shop, and be in a higher position. +She always spoke more of the house and shop, and her liberty, than of +her young man. + +She was of a highly nervous organization, and through me she was to be +shocked severely. She half fainted the first day I took liberties with +her, thunder and lightning gave her an inclination that way, twice +afterwards she nearly fainted, any sudden thing annoyed her and turned +her white. One occasion I'll tell of now, the other in due course. + +We fucked on the sofa after the first day; but though large, it was not +like a bed, so afterwards we used to go to her bed-room. I used to leave +my hat and stick downstairs, so that in case of surprise I might stand +in the hall, and say I had called to enquire. It was a stupid thing to +do as I found out, and then I used to take it into the bed-room. I had +fucked her one afternoon, when a double knock came at the street-door, I +knew it. "It's my wife," I said. Down I rushed for my hat, and returned +to the bed-room; and then Jenny opened the door. She had called to make +some enquiry, and went away. I heard the door close, but no further +noise or movement, then crept downstairs. + +There sat Jenny on a chair, just recovering from a half faint. "Oh!" +said she, "I nearly dropped down." "Ah! she would have knocked you down +my dear, if your cunt could have spoken and said what was inside it." +But Jenny never could joke. It was always dreadful, and she was to be +punished in some way for her evil deeds with me. A few tears, and then a +little baudy chaffing brought smiles again on her face. + +I delighted in talking baudy to her, told her smutty stories about the +women I had had, described their charms, and any special lasciviousness +connected with them. Her astonishment was great; her curiosity intense; +she in return told me all she knew about every other woman, and all her +own little baudy doings. Never was a woman so frank about such matters. +When I left her I doubt whether her dear John could have told her half +what she could have told him about fucking, and the two articles that +copulation is done with. + +Her talk was all about her sisters, and principally of the married one +who came to sleep with her; a woman about twenty-eight years of age, +who had been married some years, and had two children, the last one four +years old. She, or rather he, did not mean to have any more, they could +not afford to keep them. "How did they stop it?" I asked Jenny. She did +not know. But one night the sister wanted particularly to sleep at home, +and had asked Jenny if for once she would sleep in the house alone. She +consented though frightened. I proposed sleeping with her, and we passed +a very delicious night together: a man and woman fresh to each +other, always do in bed. What a night of feeling, frigging, sniffing, +inspecting, and fucking it was! + +At all times, no matter what we began talking about, cunt and cock were +sure to become the subject. That night I learned that her sister had +slept away, expecting to catch her husband out in some infidelities. +Since he had determined to have no more children, he made her frig him +instead of fucking; so the sister went short of cock and had to frig +herself. That annoyed her. Then when he fucked her he did not do it +properly, he cheated her sister, Jenny said. I was a long time in +getting out of Jenny what the man did, at length she said, that just +as the stuff was coming, he pulled it out, and it went all over her +sister's thighs or her belly, and often before she had had her own +pleasure. Her sister thought it was just as well not to be married, as +to go on like that. + +That was not all. He used at first to do it every night, and now not +once a week, said he could do without it, that he did not care about +it, and so on. She believed that he had other women, and that was more +aggravating because she wanted it herself more than ever. She was not +so well, she told Jenny for want of fucking, she liked it, and would +willingly have more children though she was so poor. I asked cautiously +if she had heard of the skins which people put over their pricks, and +into which they spent their seed? Jenny had not. I explained what they +where. She said she would ask her sister about it. I cautioned her about +showing that she knew too much. A few days afterwards Jenny told me her +sister had tried them, but they did not like them, besides they could +not afford them. What Jenny's sister paid for French letters I don't +know, I used to pay nine pence each. I fucked Jenny with one on just to +instruct her. + +These two women talked often about such matters; and each day Jenny told +me what her sister had said. Soon I knew all about her sister's doings, +from the night she lost her virginity to the birth of her last child. +The little fucking that the sister had, and her longing for more +affected me considerably; I quite longed to see this hot-bummed, +cunt-neglected wife, and soon my curiosity was to be gratified in a way +I little expected. + +Jenny and I settled down quite matrimonially, I saw her certainly four +days a week, or else every day excepting Sundays. At times I spent the +whole day there, took wine, and meat, and newspapers. She cooked, and +very badly. We ate and drank together, and fucked, she cried about John +and her wickedness, and her fears of being found out. Then I read to her +the news, and also every baudy book I could get hold of, and explained +to her every use that could be made of our tools, both male and female, +from flat-cocking to buggery, so far as I knew,--but I did not know so +much as I do now. + +To prevent its being known I was there, we got quite cunning. I was not +to come at eleven o'clock, because then the butcher came; nor at twelve, +because the girls were always at the window next door; between one and +two o'clock I was safe, because the family was always at dinner at that +time; at three the milkman came, and I avoided him. So with a little +trouble I pretty well escaped observation, during the eight or ten weeks +which I did husband duty, and perhaps as much as some two husbands would +have done. + +Once she was awfully uneasy, for her courses had not come on, and shed +flood of tears. She would lose her John, poor fellow! When in that +way she was always pitying him, but she was always irregular in her +menstruation, which rendered it difficult to judge of her condition. Oh! +she was sure she was now in the family way, she had symptoms; she had +asked her sister how she had felt when she had conceived, and her own +symptoms were the same. "My God what shall I do!--I'll drown myself, +I will,--I shall never be able to face him,--poor fellow!" "Go and +get something, go and see some one." She went, took a dose of what she +called "hikery-pikery," and the ugly red stream came on. I don't believe +she was in the family way. Years after I heard she had never had a +child, though long married. + + + + +CHAPTER XX. + + A Saturday afternoon.--Copulation interrupted.--Retreat cut + off.--Under the bed.--Enter sister.--The new dress.--Heat + and sweat.--Undressing.--Jenny's anxiety.--Sweating much, + and stripping.--Nature in its simplicity.--Nature in its + vulgarity.--Delicious peeps.--A cunt near my nose.--Erotic + recklessness.--Fist-fucking. + +And now I was to become acquainted with her sister,--the married one. +Jenny had no brother, had none of that knowledge about boy's cocks which +girls of the humbler classes have when they have brothers. I sometimes +think that boys in the humbler classes show their cocks to their +sisters; I don't recollect a girl I have fucked who did not say she had +seen her brother's cock. + +My knowledge of her sister's dissatisfaction with the small amount of +fucking she got, her disappointment at having her husband's sperm on +her thighs instead of up her cunt, and her very reasonable fears that at +times it went into other receptacles besides her own, came forcibly to +my mind. It would have been odd if it had not, for every time I poked +Jenny we talked about her sister, indeed all our talk, unless about her +sweetheart, and her fears was about fucking. I don't recollect any woman +I have had who was so anxious to know all, and delighted to hear of my +amours, and the descriptions I gave of my various women. If I described +their cunts she was amused beyond measure; and to tell all this suited +me exactly. For all that she thought it wicked, and that they and I, and +she, would be punished by the Almighty (her ideas about the action of +Providence were peculiar). + +It was the good fortune of her married sister to give me one of the most +laughable, but yet natural, salacious, voluptuous treats I ever had, +without her knowing she had done so,--and from that came consequences +which affected that lady herself. + +I have always been highly delighted to see modest women naked or +undress, or doing their toilet and little affairs, when they had no idea +that any one saw them. I have looked through dozens of key-holes, bored +holes in doors, waited breathless and half-naked for hours at night, +have risen by day-light to enable me to get these treats. I had seen as +already said, the cunts of my aunt and cousins, young ladies and others +bathing, etc. (and as I shall tell of, have since seen a noble lady frig +herself.) I have seen in fact modest ladies at their most decent, as +well as the most indelicate of their toilet performances, and think +I prefer looking at them under such circumstances, rather than at the +beautiful voluptuous creatures who undress willingly in my presence, for +those are so intent on displaying their charms to the best advantage, to +get a male erection and its crisis, as soon as possible, make much too +evident what they do it for. + +Jenny's sister gave me one of those natural displays. Had the lady been +drilled in the art of unfolding her charms for the excitement of a male, +and driving him into erotic fury, she could not have more effectually +done so. Of the many displays of female charms (of modest females) +I have seen, I never had one so gradual, natural, voluptuous, and +cock-stiffening, as she unconsciously gave me. + +I called on Jenny one Saturday afternoon, she had said I had better go +quite early, but I did not. It was another sultry day, thunder had been +heard, the atmosphere was heavy, but no rain had fallen; and the sun was +bright and blazing hot. Said Jenny, "I'm frightened to let you stop, my +sister is going to leave off work early, and she will be here about five +o'clock,--don't come in." I would. "We shan't be half-an-hour,--it's +not half-past three." A kiss, and a twiddle on her cunt settled the +matter, and we went to her bed-room. She was on the bed, I between her +thighs, ready to drop into her, indeed I'm not sure that my prick had +not touched her cunt, when a knock and a ring came at the street-door. + +To fully understand what follows it should be known that the old lady +my friend, for fear that the rooms should be used; had locked up all the +rooms but the parlours and a little closet overlooking the street, and +the servants' bed-room, and had taken away the keys. I did not know that +then, I knew it that day. + +"Oh! my God it's my sister,--what shall I do?--I shall be ruined." Pale +as death, I thought she was going to faint again. + +"Don't be nervous, I'll go and hide in the room below, and when she is +downstairs or up here, go out quietly, and leave the street-door ajar." +"Oh! all the rooms are locked up." "I'll go into the parlours then, +--you get her downstairs." "Oh! she always goes into the parlour first, +and sits down a minute, and talks." There was no time for us to talk, +more, for the woman knocked again. "Fetch my hat and stick (it was in +the parlour),--you get her into the kitchen, then I'll slip out leaving +the street-door ajar." Down we both went, three stairs at a time, up +I went again with hat and umbrella, and had only got to the top when +I heard poor trembling Jenny opening the street-door. I leant over the +banisters, and listened. + +"I've knocked twice Jenny." "Did you?--I was dozing,--the thundery +weather makes me so queer.--Have a cup of tea, and take a table out +into the garden,--it will be fresher there to have tea." + +"No I've got my new dress, it will rumple it if it's long in the bundle, +I must open it. Such a pretty one,--you will like it I think.--Tom did +when I showed him the pattern,--I'll take it up to the bed-room, and +hang it up." + +Jenny's voice rose almost to a shriek. "Oh! no, no, don't,--come and +have tea first,--I'm so thirsty, so tired,--come downstairs." "Well you +go and make it, I'll only just hang it up in the bed-room, and come down +directly," said her sister. + +Jenny objecting, the sister answered angrily, "What are you in such a +hurry for tea for?--it's not time,--well have it by yourself, I can't +drink it,--I had a lot of beer at dinner, and Tom gave me nearly a pint +before I left him,--it was so hot, I was so thirsty,--it's on my chest +now,--I can't put tea on the top of it yet." "Well if you won't, I may +as well go up with you," said Jenny. Footsteps came nearer, and hat, +stick, and self, I threw under the bed. Jenny came in looking like +death. "She won't find me here,--get her down soon," was all I had time +to say in a whisper before the sister following Jenny entered the room. +I had quite hidden myself. + +The bed had been a good one, the old gentleman and lady had slept on it +for years; it was large and handsome, but being shabby and worn out, had +that very month only been put to servants' use. Round it were old red +valances hanging to the floor, things not given to servants. No sooner +was I under the bed, than I saw there were little openings at the seams, +and some moth-holes, which permitted me to see through them. At one spot +near to my shoulder as I lay crouching and doubled up, was a long slit +where the valance had been torn down. By raising myself on my elbow, +and squeezing my head against the mattress I could see perfectly, but +no person in the room would have noticed me, even though the room was as +bright as day, for the thick red hangings hid me in darkness under the +bed, and I was on the side away from the window. I gazed earnestly at +Jenny's sister through this opening and others. + +She was a well-grown, strong woman, with a handsome round face, and dark +hair and eyes; she had shortish petticoats, and thickish ankles in good +lace-up boots which, made much noise as she walked about. She had a +huge paper parcel in her hands, which she placed on the bed; then for a +moment she rested her bum on the bed-side, and Jenny did the same by the +side of her. The parcel was between them, her ankles were within a few +inches of my nose; I gently lifted the valance, and saw up the calf of +her legs, her petticoats cut as they were in those days, being drawn up +by sitting down. I remember almost every word, every action which took +place on that memorable afternoon, and not a movement escaped me. + +"I can't untie it,--cut it." "The scissors are downstairs." "I'll go and +fetch them." "Oh! no,--where is the knife that I cut my corns with?" "Oh +I never mind,--there, I've done it,--I've broken it,"--and she rose up +as did Jenny from the bed, and both now stood standing facing the side +of the bed where I lay. + +I heard the rustling of paper, the rustling of a dress, the noise of +feet paddling about. "Oh! it _is_ nice,--what did it cost?--who made +it?" "I made the skirt, and Miss Skinner the body,--she charged me seven +and six,--it's not dear, is it?--I'll hang it up, then the creases will +come out." "Let's hang it up first." And then on a peg at the back +of the door the dress was hung up, and for a moment, both women stood +admiring it, their backs towards me and the bed. + +"Look," said the sister, "it just wants a little something done to the +sleeves,--she said it was not finished there,--oh! yes here it is,--I +would not wait for her, I can easily do it myself,--I was glad to get +it, and half feared I should not get it for Sunday,--the old beast never +keeps her promise, but she has this time,--I gave her sixpence +extra. Oh I my gracious how hot it is,--I'm sweating all over,--it's +awful,--I'll pull off my frock, then I'll finish the sleeves as it hangs +up,--get us the needle and thread Jenny,--just thread a needle dear, +while I pull off my frock." + +"Don't," said Jenny in an agitated manner, "let's have tea first." "No +I must finish it," and as she spoke she undid her dress, and slipped it +off. A beautiful handsome pair of breasts came in view. "Oh! Lord look +at my chemise,--look how I've sweated--see how the stain from the dress +has gone through under my arms,--I stink of sweat,--how glad I shall be +when the weather is cooler." As she said that with a slight effort she +drew her arms through the sleeves of her chemise, and lifting her +freed arms showed a pair of black hairy armpits. I began to thrill and +cock-stiffen. She lifted her fine arms up, and looked at the stained +chemise as it hung over her stays, then with a heave and a push she +freed her breasts, so that they were right over the top of her stays +showing the nipples; then with naked arms, she began to work at the +sleeves of the dress hanging up behind the door. + +Jenny was all this time moving about in a restless manner, taking every +now and then a hurried glance at the valance of the bed which concealed +me; and as it seemed to me placing herself in such a position, as +to prevent my seeing her sister's upper nakedness; but it was quite +useless, I could see all she had exposed. + +She worked a few minutes talking to Jenny, who was making as much noise +with her feet as she could. Then the sister looked up, and leaving off +her needlework said, "This will make Tom want to do it to me,--a new +dress always does, when he sees me in it,--he ain't done it lately, he +will to-morrow." They both laughed, and she went to work again. + +Again she stopped, Jenny then seated herself at the edge of the bed over +me. "Oh! how awfully hot I am,--what a bore petticoats are,--I declare +I've a good mind to leave them off this weather." She stepped forwards. +"I'll take them off, I can slammack about to-night,--no one will see +me." "Oh! no don't," said Jenny in an excited way; but she quickly +unlaced her stays, untied her petticoats, and slipped them down to her +ankles. Her chemise which was no longer held up to her shoulders by the +arms, slipped down with them, and she stood naked before me excepting +her boots and stockings. She seemed to have forgotten that her chemise +was no longer held up, for just as the petticoats fell below her cunt, +she made a slight grasp as if to hold them up, then she gave a laugh, +"That's cool enough," said she. + +"Don't,--what are you doing?" shrieked Jenny, "put on your +chemise,--you're naked,--you're naked,"--and she tried to pull up the +chemise; but the woman stepped away from the clothes as they lay on the +floor, caught up the chemise, threw it on the bed, and placed petticoats +and stays on a chair by the washhand stand. I saw large hips, a mass of +dark hair at her cunt, a large white backside, fine round thighs, and +limbs; in brief a fine, plump, well-fed woman, a splendid sight. The +innocence of the action was beautiful. "Oh! isn't it nice and cool," she +said, "I've got so hot walking." + +"Put on your things,--what are you doing?" said Jenny. "Oh! isn't it +nice!--I wish one could go in one's skin this weather," she replied. She +scratched her motte-hair, and felt her arse, and seemed so pleased with +herself. Then she looked under each of her armpits. "Oh! Lord how hot I +am,--where is a towel?" She took one, and began gently rubbing herself +with it under her armpits, put it down, and again scratched the hair of +her motte. + +"I'm surprised at you," said Jenny walking about, and I'm sure trying +to prevent me from seeing her sister, though she always declared to me +afterwards that she had no such intention. "Cover yourself, you'll catch +cold." "Catch cold?--nonsense,--and you have the window shut also,--what +do you shut it for?" "Oh! I can't bear it open in thundering weather." +The fact was we always shut it when we went to the bed to exclude noise, +and left the door open, to hear if any one knocked at the street-door. +"Put something on you at all events," said Jenny, "it's not decent." +"Decent?--you _are_ modest all of a sudden." + +"It's delicious!" She walked round the bed to the window, opened it, +came back naked as she was, and went on working at her dress; and so for +a quarter of an hour did I see this handsomely-made woman naked, first +her side, then her belly, then her bum came in view, till I was driven +mad by the state of my penis which was throbbing with excitement, and +urging me to frig it. + +"Well that will do," she said as she finished, "the creases will never +be noticed where they are,"--and she walked backwards to the bed, the +short distance she was from it, and sat down at the edge just where the +valance had dropped. With care I pulled the valance, and the seam opened +more, but not much. I raised myself on my elbow, my eyes to the opening. +There were the thighs and legs stretching out to the floor, her bum +was at the mere edge of the bed, her cunt but about six inches above my +nose. I had a wonderfully keen scent for the aroma of a woman, and swear +I smelt her cunt distinctly, though I could not see it. She sat there +for full five minutes, talking to Jenny about the dress, whilst I kept +sniffing up the aroma from her flesh and her love-orifice, and feeling +my quivering prick, whilst my greedy eyes gloated on the fat thighs, so +far as I could see them. + +At length she turned round. "I'll put my slippers on,"--and sitting down +opposite the bed on the chair on which she had placed her petticoats, +she put one leg up, and began unlacing the boot, then between and under +the thighs I saw the dark hairy notch. She had scarcely put herself in +that attitude before putting her foot down, she came to the bed, put one +foot up, and there continued unlacing it,--and there was her cunt just +visible, and within a foot of my greedy eyes, whilst she leisurely +unlaced the boot on the bed, the other foot on the floor. Had I placed +her there for the purpose I could not have done it better. + +"Oh! don't," said Jenny, "take your foot off." "What's the matter?" +replied she as if just noticing Jenny's excitement, "you've got one of +your foolish fits on I think." "You will dirty the bed,--take your foot +off." "Nonsense it's quite dry, besides it's on my chemise,--I wish +you'd go and make tea, if you are in such a hurry,--one would think you +had got St. Vitus' dance,"--for Jenny in her agitation, and also to make +noise to prevent any indiscreet movement of mine being noticed, had kept +moving about noisily and restlessly the whole time. + +Silenced, she said no more, but still walked restlessly about, went at +the back of her sister, and glared at the valance where she guessed my +eyes were peeping. Her face was the picture of anxiety. But I did not +look at that long, I was rivetted on her sister's form and dark-haired +cunt; that cunt was at times slightly opened by the attitude she was in, +and altered its shape as she moved. I saw the thick dark hair curling +away until I lost sight of it in the direction of her arse-hole, and I +could smell her cunt again I swear, my excitement grew intense, I could +not keep my hand from my prick, I knew the delicate position I was in, +the injury I should do the poor girl if found out;--but a spend in sight +of that cunt and splendid pair of thighs I must have. I just touched +myself, holding my breath restraining all emotion, gave one or two +frigs, and a shower of sperm fell over my trowsers. If any man might +be pardoned for having a solitary pleasure, it was I, placed in such a +lust-stirring situation. + + + + +CHAPTER XXI. + + Further undressing.--Slippers wanted.--Toilet operations.-- + The effects of hash and beer.--A windy escape.--Feeling for + the pot.--Sisters exeunt.--A crushed hat, and soiled + trowsers.--A narrow escape.--My benevolent intentions + towards Jenny's sister. + +I thought I had had my pleasure in silence, but I was wrong, I was +heard, I had given a slight sigh. The anxious ears of poor Jenny heard +it. She made increased noise whilst her sister went tranquilly on, and +unlaced her boots without taking any notice or hearing me, whilst the +last drop of sperm was running over, and I was still looking at her +cunt, and sniffing. + +Then she stood looking at her boots. "Ah! this one wants soling,--where +are my slippers?--where did I put them?" They were just under the +bed, close by me. "Here they are," said Jenny rushing to the side, and +pulling them out she gave them to her sister who took them, but instead +of putting them on pulled off both her stockings. "I'll wash these +to-night," said she, "and darn them the first thing to-morrow,--I'll cut +my corns." "Oh! do come down and have tea,--you can cut your corns after +you have washed your feet to-night,--oh! put something on, and come." "I +won't be long,--you go and make tea." "No I shan't, I know you'll be +an hour,--it will be spoiled." "I can cut them so much better by +daylight,--I cut my toe last Saturday night you know," and without more +ado she walked round the foot of the bed to the other side, where in +front of the window was a small dressing-table, a looking-glass, and a +chair by the side of it. She was now absolutely naked from head to foot. +As she neared the window she said, "Oh! how delicious the air is blowing +upon one's skin,--I quite hate putting on my chemise again." Jenny still +kept moving about, and shuffling her feet; but the sister engrossed in +herself, kept on talking about her dress, her Tom, the place she was +going to on the morrow, and seemed to notice nothing. At length she +placed one foot on the chair by the window, and began cutting her corns. +And now I had a view of her backside and naked form from that side of +the bed. + +When she had finished one foot, she put it down, and sat on the edge of +the bed. "Poof! how hot it makes me stooping,--it makes me sweat,--but +I'll do the other,--drat the tight boots, they make corns,"--and up went +the other foot. Out went my head, and up went the valance, but I was +fearful of being seen, so took out my pen-knife, and cut a long slit in +the valance. Then my eye was never still to her buttocks, but I could +not see her seat of pleasure so well, so I took to the floor again, and +saw her cunt better. + +Then she stood for a minute looking over a little white blind into the +gardens. "There is Mrs. B----- and her daughter walking." "Oh! pray put +something on,--if they should see you." "Impossible they can't,"--and +she stooped down, and began operating on the other corn. The cunt opened +a little and so did something else, for out popped a pretty loud, short, +sharp fart. + +"You beast," said Jenny. "I beg your pardon," said the sister, "I'm +always windy when I have eaten hash, and drank beer,--I could not help +it." "It's dirty," growled Jenny. "You're far enough off, and it's +better out than in,"--and ceasing to chuckle, and as if half ashamed of +herself she went on corn-cutting without speaking, but that did not suit +Jenny who soon began a conversation, and shuffling about. She made no +further allusion to the fart. + +When she had finished it only seemed as if I had been looking at her +there for a few seconds, but on that side of the bed she must have given +me ten minutes of that lascivious gratification. I was so engrossed, +so delighted that even the fart did not amuse me; it annoyed me; for +it made her alter her position, and withdraw from my lustful gaze, that +charm which perhaps no one but her husband had ever gazed upon so long +and so earnestly. + +Then she went back again to the other side of the bed, put on stockings +and slippers, and getting up, "Where is the pot" said she, "is it this +side or the other?" and began feeling under the valance within a few +inches of me, but it was not there. Evidently it was usually there, +indeed I know it was, but Jenny and I both pissed before we began to +think of fucking, and I had put the pot under the washing-stand. + +"Not there," shrieked Jenny rushing to the pot. The sister turned +round and saw it, I peeped just in time to see her thighs open as she +squatted, then came a heavy thump on the bed. The sister said, "What's +the matter?---don't give way,--don't be a fool now." Then without +pissing she got up, and came to the bedside. Poor Jenny excited beyond +bearing by anxiety, had fainted on seeing her sister on the point of +discovering me in searching for the pot. + +She shook Jenny, threw water on her face, and Jenny soon recovered. +"What on earth's the matter?--you give way, you do,--a woman need not +faint like that, I'm sure," said she angrily, "you scared me dreadful." +Jenny said nothing, but repeated that she wanted her tea, that thundery +weather always made her feel sick and faint. + +"Well we will go down at once,--I did not think you were ill." "You +might have seen I was." "I did not, but I'll be ready in a minute." +Again she squatted on the pot, thighs wide open, belly towards me, +pissed like a water-spout, and let one or two little farts of which no +notice was taken, whilst I with cock stiff was looking on, and again +frigging myself. I could not help it, for every turn, every movement +she made was such as if done expressly to show off her naked charms, and +drive me randy-mad. + +"Give me my night-gown Jenny, it's at the foot of the bed, and I'll only +put my dress over it,--it's so hot." Jenny turned to take the night-gown +from the bed. "I'll just wash a bit," said her sister, "I'm almost in a +lather with heat and sweat." Pouring out water in the basin she placed +it on the floor, and turning towards the bed squatted, and sluiced her +cunt, then rubbed it dry with the towel. "That has made me comfortable," +she remarked, and began putting on her frock. + +As she did so she remarked, "You have not emptied the pot to-day,--you +should, it smells this hot weather." "Yes I did," said Jenny innocently. +"Well then you've peed a lot." "I've done it once or twice since +morning," said Jenny hastily. + +Then the sister went out first. When half-way downstairs I emerged from +my hiding-place and listened, heard Jenny say, "I may as well empty the +slops, you go and see if the water boils." Up came Jenny. "Oh! I'm +ready to die,--hish!--be quiet." She emptied the pot and waters into a +slop-pail, and went downstairs quickly whilst I followed her silently. +I was covered with flue, and had managed to crush my hat; my trows-ers +were partly unbuttoned, and one leg covered with spunk. We got to the +ground-floor almost together, and there I stopped. So soon as I heard +she was in the kitchen I moved along the passage, and slipped out, +leaving the street-door ajar. Luckily a cab was close by, and I jumped +into it. The first thing I did was to button up properly. I bolted past +my servant as she opened the door to me, took another hat, wrapped the +old one up in paper, and the same night tore out the lining, and threw +both away in a bye-road. + +I was in an indescribable state of excitement after this delicious +afternoon, and was seized with an almost delirious letch for the woman. +I was sleepless for a night or two, scheming how to possess her. + +Early on the Monday I got to Jenny's, and spent the rest of the day +fucking, and talking of the sight I had seen. My imagination helped to +allay my excitement, for the form of her sister though more beautiful +than Jenny's had still a family likeness to her, and as I clasped Jenny +in my arms I pictured her as her sister, and enjoyed her as such. + +I was cautious in my disclosures, for I found that Jenny who had been +most inquisitive about other women, and delighted to hear about how they +talked, and walked, and pissed, and fucked; was annoyed when I talked of +her sister's nakedness. I ought not to have looked,--why I had seen more +than she, her own sister,--a poor woman, and married, and she to have +her thing looked at by a strange man,--her husband could not have seen +more,--and so on. So though I described her sister's charms I took care +not to express any admiration of them, nor to say I had frigged myself, +and felt desire for her. Jenny had not noticed that my trowsers were +undone, and sperm-soiled. I had not noticed that myself till I got out +of the house on that eventful afternoon. + +On the Monday when I saw Jenny, she declared that another hour's anxiety +would have killed her. We found that the time from the minute the sister +came into the bed-room, to the time she went downstairs was two hours. +Jenny thought that she must have been half-an-hour working at her dress. +Jenny had walked round the room trying if she could see me, or if I was +looking, but could only do so once or twice at the holes, or fancy she +did; but the long tear in the valance through which I could see with +both eyes at once, and just above which her sister had put up her legs, +she had never noticed; nor did she believe me when I said that I could +see the cunt when her sister's backside was towards me, when near the +window. So I made her lie down, and look from the floor whilst I stood +naked, pretending to cut my corns. Then she said it was a shame of me to +be peeping. She had a clear inspection from my bum-hole to my ballocks, +and knew I had seen the cunt. + +She did not contend any longer. "Do you mean to say, that if you had +been under the bed, and had known a naked man was cutting his corns, you +would not have peeped out?" No she would not; but had it been a naked +woman perhaps she would, Jenny replied. So after she had heard from me +how much I had seen of her sister's body, between her back-bone and her +navel, and I had told her something which made her say, "Law has she!" +though I can't recollect what it was, the subject dropped. Then I learnt +from her more about her sister's wages, mode of life, and where she +worked; for although the thing seemed ridiculous, I had a letch, and +meant to try to put into that young woman if possible, though I had not +then stroked Jenny many weeks. I liked variety. + + + + +CHAPTER XXII. + + The Sunday following.--Chaste calculations.--The sister + alone.--My embarrassement.--Ale fetched.--Warm + conversation.--Stiffening.--Bolder talk.--An exhibition of + masculinity.--A golden promise.--Lust creeping.--Baudy + dalliance.--Cock and cunt in conjunction. + +On the following Sunday her young man was coming to London, and she was +to spend the day with him at his relatives. Her sister was to keep +the house, the husband was going elsewhere, so the sister would be +alone,--all provided it was fine weather. Jenny had promised her +Mistress that until her return she would never go out with her young +man, and that is how Jenny kept her word. She knew I would not tell, +would I?--I felt her cunt, and kissed her. "It's not very likely, is +it my pet?" Then she snivelled, said she was very wicked, and hoped God +would not punish her. + +When I heard of this arrangement I lusted strongly. In vain I said to +myself, "What again a married woman! in comfortable circumstances for +her class, with two children,--a woman you have never spoken to,--can +you expect to get her!" I did not expect it, but had a burning desire to +see and speak to her, to look closely at, and have a chat with a woman +whose privates I had seen so nakedly. It seemed to me to promise a +titillating treat. Besides I had been so successful with women,--gay +women had even been anxious to get me,--that a half-belief came over me, +that if I had time, I could persuade even her to let me. Time was the +difficulty, for she did not yet even know me by face (so I thought, but +was wrong). At all events see her I would,--she was dissatisfied with +her fucking, that I knew; she might be randy, and then be much less +impregnable than she seemed; so I determined to see her on the Sunday +that Jenny went out. + +I could think only of one powerful means of getting her, if anything +encouraged a hope, and that was by money. I had not too much then, +though getting better off, but determined if ten pounds would tempt her, +that she should have it. I was a long time I recollect pondering over +the sum. The Sunday turned out fine, I put the gold in my purse, and +went to the house just after their dinner-time, and after my luncheon, +at which I fed myself up well, and to give me courage took an extra +glass, for I had one of my nervous fits of funking come on, mixed with +doubts about the morality of deliberately trying a married woman. + +She opened the door, I walked straight in. "Who are you?" "Where is the +housemaid?" said I, "I have promised Mrs. W-----to call and see from +time to time." "Oh! I'm her sister sir, my name is-----, I sleep here +every night sir, Mrs. W----- pays me to do so sir,--my sister is out +sir,--I'm very sorry, but she is not at all well from being confined to +the house so much,--I told her she might go to church,--it would be a +change, and give her a little fresh air;--she will be back at half-past +four sir." "Oh! so you are Mr. So-and-So?" "Yes I am." I walked into the +parlours. There was a large beer-jug and two tumblers on the table, and +ale in one glass. She rushed to take them away. "I beg pardon sir, but +Mrs. W------ said we might sit in the parlours, when we have done work, +and on Sundays besides, cause it's so dull in the kitchens." The woman +was agitated at her sister being out, and at being caught drinking beer +in the parlour; she thought I might make mischief, I suppose. + +I told her that she need not disturb herself, for I should not stay +long, and kept looking with cock already stiffening into her face, +then at her arms, then at the bottom of her belly, and in my mind's eye +seeing the dark hair down there. I had planned conversation, but forgot +what to say, through thinking of her nakedness and sexual charms; and +stood staring at her till she turned her eyes away confused, and colored +up. + +I continued to be embarrassed, and so lost recollection of all I had +intended to say and do, that I was actually going away. I asked one or +two stupid questions: if letters had come, if any one had been, and so +on; all the time thinking that I was looking through her clothes at her +naked charms. I was in a sort of a trance of baudiness which muddled me; +when noticing the ale-glass I asked, "What are you drinking?" "Fourpenny +ale sir." That reply broke the spell, my senses returned, I thought of +an excuse for stopping. "Give me a glass,--I'm thirsty." "That's the +last of it sir." "Can't you get some?" "The pot-boy brought that,--it's +Sunday, and the public is not always open." I looked at my watch. "It's +not church-time yet, send some one to fetch some,--I'm so thirsty, and +hot, and so tired,"--and I sat down. "I'm alone." "Is not your husband +here?" "No, no one." "Do you mind fetching me some?" "If you don't +mind waiting sir." "No." I gave her money. "How much?" "Oh! fill the +jug,--not with fourpenny,--with the best ale,--ask them to draw it +mild, and get me two bottles of ginger-beer". In a few minutes she was +back,--I had given her a five shilling piece. "You may keep the change." +"Thank you sir", said she quite touched and delighted. I always gave the +change to girls whom I wanted to poke. + +In her absence I went all over the house that was not locked up, even to +the privy and coal-cellar, had satisfied myself that she was alone, and +was getting quite myself again when she came back. + +"Have a glass." "Thank you sir." "So you are Jenny's sister,--Jane's her +name I think." Yes it was. "Aren't you afraid to be in the house of a +night?" No she was not. "Sit down." "Thank you sir,"--but she stood. "So +you are an upholstress,--sit down,"--and after a little pressure down +she sat. We took ale together, and no doubt I spoke with all that +kindness which a man shows towards a woman whom he desires to poke, I +have heard women say that I have a winning, persuasive manner. + +Gradually the conversation became about herself. "You've two +children,--why not more?" "Oh! quite enough for poor people." "Well you +see I can't get any." "Poor people are sure to have lots." "Two is not a +lot,--how manage to stop at two?" "Oh! it's all chance." "Is not another +coming?" She was getting flushed and excited. "Lord no, I hope not." +"Don't you know?" "I don't." "Yes you do,--how old is your last?" "Four +years." "If I were your husband I'd have a dozen." "Well you say _you_ +haven't any yet sir," said she. "No I can't get any." "Ah! if we had +your money!--but with we poor people is different,--it's hard enough to +fill the bellies of two." "And so you won't have your belly filled with +another little one,--won't you, eh!" + +"Oh! Lord," said she laughing spite of herself, "you are plain-spoken." +I was in the vein now, did not say an improper word, but gave baudy +hints, smutty suggestions about the dullness of sleeping alone, of the +results of wives being away from husbands, etc., till her eyes twinkled, +and she laughed much. I had now broken down the barrier, had brought +myself to her level, and she as every other woman would have done, took +advantage of it, and began to return my chaffing and banter, every +woman feels instinctively that when a man is chaffing her (be it ever so +decently veiled), about fucking, that she may safely return it: both are +at once on a common level. A washerwoman would banter a prince, if the +subject was cunt, without the prince being offended. To talk of fucking +with a woman is to remove all social distinctions, and I had done it +without uttering at first a smutty word. + +Jenny's sister went on chaffing, and drank ale freely. "Oh! I dare say, +but why don't _you_ have children?" "I can't get any I tell you, but I +try." "Not much at home," said she, "from all I have heard." "No I try +out as well, and get none,--I'm a safe man." Then I found she knew a +lot about me and my affairs; She had actually worked at my house on some +curtains, had seen me once, and knew my voice, though for the moment she +had not recollected my face with my hat on when I entered the door that +afternoon. But I had never seen her at my house to my knowledge, though +if I had I was not likely to have noticed a common upholstress. + +We went on chaffing, looking in each other's faces, each knowing we were +talking about fucking. "Well Mrs.------ playing at mother and father's +a delicious amusement, is it not?" "I don't know." "If you don't +know we'd better try,--I'd give five pounds to be your husband for +an hour,--and five pounds would buy you anew dress." "It would buy me +three," said she without noticing the other part of my remark. "Three?" +"Yes three,--I can't afford more than thirty shillings for a best +dress." "Really!--such a beautiful creature as you ought to have plenty +of dress, for I have rarely seen a more lovely woman, and so well +grown,--I'll bet you have fine limbs." She was flattered, the praise +upset her, her eyes tinkled. Yes she might have done better she knew, +but it was to be. I went close to her, caught and kissed her. She made +not too strong a resistance, but got away. "That's going a little too +far." "That's the beginning of a game at mother and father, and you are +going to have the three dresses." She laughed in a funny way. "I don't +want to be a mother any more, so I don't want any games." But she seemed +to me to look as if she did. + +What did she get for stopping at the house? Five shillings a week, and +her supper and breakfast,--that was an object. "Five shillings?--why +my kiss was worth that,--let me give you another, and I'll give you +ten shillings for the two." "You don't mean that," said she with a low +laugh. "On my soul yes,--but you must give me a kiss as well." She +shook her head. "It's going too far," said she. "There it is, I'll trust +you,--you won't take it without letting me." She was then sitting. I put +the half sovereign into her hand. "Thank you sir," said she softly. I +kissed her rapturously, she let me kiss half-a-dozen times, and whilst +doing I so took hold of her hand, and pressed it as if by accident +against my cock. She a married woman knew the hard line her hand pressed +against, for she moved her hand away. "Now your promise,--kiss me." "I +didn't promise." "You took the money." "There then," said she giving me +a kiss, and jumping up sharply, "we are going too far,--we really are +now,--we don't either of us know what we are about I think." "I don't +think I do," said I, "for though I never saw you before, I've never been +so struck with a woman in my life, I'd give ten pounds to be in bed with +you an hour." + +I had been putting my cock straight in my trowsers, feeling and +squeezing my balls whenever I saw her looking at me. I fancied she kept +looking askant at that part of my person. She was getting red in face, +hot, and confused in manner. Just then I observed a bed pillow on the +sofa, she had I guessed been laying down after dinner. "Why here is +a pillow,--you've been on the sofa with your husband,--you have been +playing at mother and father here." She burst out into laughter. "Why +I've not seen him for a week." "Then you've been tickling by yourself." +"Tickling?" (it was said quite innocently.) "Yes between your legs." +"Oh! really now you are a going too far sir," said she jumping up again, +"you speak too freely,--I don't like it." Then she laughed, and said, +"Well--this--really is,--oh!" + +"Not at all,--you are lovely, exquisite, delicious,--if you've really +not seen your husband for a week, let me,--who will know?--we are in the +house alone,--let us,"--and standing close to her I put my arms round +her, but I felt afraid of going too far. + +"You must not talk like that." "Oh! nonsense,--I'll give you six +pounds." "Oh! no, you don't mean what you say,--it's wild talk." I took +out my purse, and putting six pounds on the table in gold, just as I had +done to her sister the ten pounds; there said I, "That is yours,"--and +pulled out my prick. She got up, and ran to the other side of the room +as if I had pulled out a pistol. "You're talking too plain sir,--it's +going too far,--if you expose yourself like that I'll go to the +street-door." I'm at a loss to know why I pitched upon six pounds, I had +intended ten, but cannot tell why I offered that particular sum. I have +often thought since, of what made me take that economical figure. + +"Sit down." "I won't if you expose yourself,--it's not gentlemanlike." I +put my cock into my trowsers, then kissed her again, resistance was not +so strong. "Now sir don't." "Sit down my darling,"--and getting her to +the sofa we went on talking. "How foolish,--who would know,--why not +delight me,--why not take the money." "No." "Do now." "No." "Won't you?" +"Of course not,--no,--no." "Well kiss me." "There then." "Do let me +dear." "I won't,--I won't,--I shan't,--there." + +Just then I noticed one of her garters was hanging down by her foot. +"Your garter's undone," said I. I stooped forwards, and took it up. +"Give it me." I kissed it. "No,--it's been so near where I want to go, +--I shall keep it till I've been there." "You will keep it a long time +then." + +She drank more ale, it was sweet and strong, and I went on talking. +Thought I, "She must want it if she has not seen her husband for a +week." Where did she garter.--below or above knee? "Let me feel?" I felt +outside, then pinched the leg, then higher up. She began looking me full +in the face, and laughing at my smutty insinuations. I pulled her back +on the sofa, kissed her, and let her rise up again. I repeated the pull +and the kiss more than once, and then as she was rising up and saying, +"Now don't pull me about like that," I put her hand on my prick which +I had slipped out again. "Oh!"--and she let it go. Quick as lightning +I slipped a hand up her clothes to her cunt. "Let me now,--there's a +darling." "I shan't." "Do." "I shan't." She repulsed my hand, but did +not get away from me. I thought from the way she looked at me, and the +quiet manner in which she pushed away my hand, that she was hot with +lust, and could scarcely refuse me. I pulled her to me, and got my +finger on her clitoris. "Do let me feel your cunt, and fuck,--put my +prick in there,--let us,--do darling," said I twiddling like mad, and +rattling out a volume of baudiness. + +She bore it all for a minute quietly, wriggling and saying, "I +shan't,--I won't,--no, now take your hand away." Then with a sudden +impulse she pushed me off, got up, and sat down further from me on the +sofa. "Oh! now be quiet,--let me think a minute,--I don't know whether +I'm on my heels or my head." She picked up something which had fallen at +her feet, as she had doubled herself down when my finger was stimulating +her randiness. + +Then catching her by her waist I pulled her back on to the sofa, and +threw myself on her. "You shan't" were the last words I recollect her +uttering; as I threw up her clothes and felt the wet gash. My prick the +next instant was buried in it, and we were fucking. + +"Don't,--oh.--take it out,--do,--oh!--oh!--ohoe!" she murmured. She +had fetched me, and pump; pump, pump, pump, went my spunk up her. Then +delicious oblivion. As I came to myself I found her arse still moving. +"Oh! do" she murmured. She was besides herself, with desire to spend. + +But my prick instead of obeying me as it usually did on such exciting +occasions, refused, and shrinking left her cunt, to my intense vexation. +"I haven't done it," said she softly, and with disappointment as her bum +ceased its labors, and my tool lay dropping outside her quim. + +We spoke no more, but I lay trying to squeeze it up again. To stiffen it +I felt up and round her, rubbed the tip on her spermy nymphoe, she made +gentle efforts to second me, but it was of no use, so I rolled off. +She sat up, and after looking at me for a minute with eyes filled with +baudiness, began like all women, to feel if her hair was all right. +"Were you just coming my dear?" She made no reply. + +She had not taken any care to arrange her dress, it had dragged up +behind her bum, and the petticoats were up to her knees, the leg which +had lost its garter was half naked. Taking her round the waist I put my +hand on to her cunt, and titillated the clitoris. She let me go on, +and continued feeling about her hair. Then looking me full in the +face, looking as if she were ready to spend, she pushed me away. +"Don't,--don't,--I don't like it done that way." "You can do it that +way yourself, can't you?" "Of course I can." "I shall soon fuck again." +"Oh! I dare say," and she walked to the looking-glass, then went to the +window, and looked out into the garden without paying any heed to my +exciting remarks. I sat on the sofa feeling my cock, and trying to +stiffen it, but it was useless; so I tried to interest her in something +else, feeling annoyed, though I had nothing to be ashamed of. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII. + + Jenny's bed-room.--The money hid.--On the bed.--Fears of + maternity.--Inspection of sex.--The use of a husband.-- + Another Sunday.--Regrets and refusal.--Resistance overcome.-- + Jenny's ignorance.--Her Master returns.--Difficulty in + getting at Jenny.--Her sister waylaid.--Against a fence.-- + Jenny's marriage, and rise in life. + +"Why don't you take the money?" said I. "You really mean it?" "Of +course." She took it up. "It's a real God-send,--it comes just in +time,--who'd have thought it?" said she as if to herself. "I must put +it where it can't be found, and take it home to-morrow." She went to +the door. "Aren't you going?" "No I'm going to do it again soon." "But +you're not." "But I am." Without reply she went upstairs. I had meant to +have ready a stiff-stander, when she came back, but changed my mind, and +followed her. She was nearly at the top when hearing me she waited, and +said, "What do you want?" + +"I'm coming to see what you do." "You won't." "I will." "I'll come down +and wait till you are gone." "I'll stop till your sister comes home." +"Do go down sir," said she in a coaxing tone. "No." She sat down on the +top-stairs, I did the same a few stairs below her. Her knees were wide +apart, my mind went to the afternoon when I had seen her naked. That +glorious two hours. I stared in a voluptuous reverie, her cunt was as +visible to me through her clothes, as if she were naked, and my cock +began to swell. I stared on without uttering a word. + +"What are you staring at?" said she at last, "go down, and I'll be down +in a minute." "I'm looking at your cunt, it's open slightly, I can see +my spunk in it." "Oh!" said she jumping up, "I never heard such a man in +my life." (She had the gold still in her hand.) "You have upset me so, +I don't know what I am about." She then turned her bum round towards +me, and I put my hand quickly up her clothes, as she went up the stairs. +"Oh! you frighten me so I don't know what I'm doing." I followed her +into the room, and she locked up the money in a bag that was in a +drawer. Turning round she saw my prick out, and as stiff as ever. It was +the recollection of what had taken place in that room on the Saturday +week previous, which had rendered me capable again. I closed on her, +kissing and inciting her, pulled her to the bed, and began feeling +her. "I don't like that done,--you know you can't,--leave me alone,--go +down,--oh! don't." + +I coaxed her for a second. She got on to the bed, and opened her thighs +wide like a well-trained fuckster to help me, I inserted my penis, and +she met me with passion. I was not so rapid, the want of a spend was +not now overpowering my senses; whilst she had had two hours baudy talk, +been fucked, but cheated of her pleasure, and been left at the critical +moment, unsatisfied, with my spunk in her. She was dying for a spend, +wanting it like a woman who has been for a week unsatisfied. Her cunt +was hungry for prick, throbbing and tightening to pour out it's amatory +juices, her backside's movements became quick and fierce. +"Oh! it's big," she gasped whilst I was still sensible, +"oh!--I'm--com--coming,"--and gluing her mouth to mine she spent +copiously ere I'd well nigh began to feel the full urging of lust. + +The constriction of her cunt, the delight of feeling her pleasure +increased my stiffness. "Let me wash,--do." "You won't come on the bed +again." "Yes I will, but let me wash." I clutched her like a vise. "NO +I'm coming,--you'll spend again." My prick stiffer and stiffer drove +with fury up against her womb. "Oh! don't push so hard." "Fuck my +darling,--there,--the tip's only in,--it's in your spunk, and mine +together." "Oh! you hurt." On I drove. Her backside's play began, her +lips were glued to mine, our tongues played against each other, and we +spent together with ejaculations. "Oh!--don't,--you hurt,--oh! oh!--I'm +coming." Then we lay palpitating, my prick throbbing and soaking, her +cunt squeezing and sucking. + +"Let me get up,--let me wash,--pray do." I laid on her heavy, nestled my +balls up to her arse, held her as long as I could; but uncunting me she +got off the bed, and washed her cunt. I still lay playing with my prick. +"You'll have a child this day nine months my dear." "Oh! my God don't +say so,--but I believe I shall." "You are all right, I don't get them +you know." "Have you never had any children!" "None at home." "Oh! +that's nothing,--have you any out, for you are a gay man?" + +I got up to piss, and saw my thick sperm in the basin. "You've washed it +all out my dear,--you are safe." She shook her head. "This is a +strange business," she remarked, "I scarce know where I am,--what I'm +about,--it's impossible,"--and she stood staring at me playing with my +cock. Then she went to the drawer and looked at the money, as if she +doubted its being there. "It's a fact," she said locking it up again, +"are you not going down?" "No." "I wish you would,--I want to be by +myself." "You want to piddle." "You are a strange man," and taking the +pot she pissed. "You'd better empty all," said I, "if your sister Jenny +comes back and sees it, she will think your husband's been doing it +to you." "She won't think or know anything if she does see," said Mrs. +------"Well I declare I'm a talking to you just like my husband,--I +don't seem to know whether I am on my head or my heels." + +"Church must be over,--Jenny has not come back." "She won't be back till +nine o'clock, she is out with her young man." "Oh! not at church?" "No +I told you so because Mrs. W-----told her not to go out on Sunday;--but +you won't tell?" "Of course not my dear, I dare say Jenny and her +young man have done what we have been doing." "Lord sir, he is a +most respectable young man, and far above her,--they are going to be +married,--she is lucky, luckier than I am,--she'd knock his head off +if he laid hand upon her improperly,--that she would, she! Lor bless +you,"--and Mrs. ------ laughed with incredulity. I laughed also. "Ah! +she looks a quiet young woman." "So she is, and so is he,--his family is +well off,"--and then she told me all that Jenny had told me. + +"I wish you would let me make the bed." "I'm going to have you again." +"Oh! likely." "I am." "No you're not,--please go." "No." "Then I shall +go downstairs," "Go my dear." She took me at my word, her manner had +quite changed, she had been laughing and chaffing, she had blushed, +looked at me with fun and lust in her eyes, and at last with full open +eyes one moment, followed by the half-dosed eye and languishing manner +of a randy woman. Now she was quiet, almost sullen, and if she looked at +me her eyes fell directly, the randiness had been taken out of her. "I +must rouse it up well if I am to have her again," said I, to myself as I +lay thinking about her, and the delicious sight I had seen in that room, +the sight I never dare disclose to her,--but how I longed to tell her. + +Up she came looking glum. "Are you not going?" "No." "Let me make the +bed then." "Not until I have had you again." "Then it will go unmade." +"That won't matter to me." "But it will to me,--what will my sister say +if she sees the bed's been laid upon like that?" "Perhaps she will think +a man has been with you." "Well you take it mighty cool,--I do +hope you're going." "Not till I've had you." "Now you are a talking +nonsense,--you know you can't do it," said she with an incredulous look, +and the tone of a woman who knew what a prick could do and what not. +"Look at this," I uncovered my prick which was nearly at a full-stand. +She smiled when she saw it. "Nonsense I am ashamed." "My dear I'm proud, +and not ashamed,--come." "I shan't." "Then here I'll lay,"--and I fell +back, and pulled balls and cod well out of my trowsers. + +I had always a lust stirring tongue, fifty women have told me so. "You'd +talk any women randy," said a gay woman once to me. Brighton Bessie +said, that in five minutes I could talk her into a lewd state. Others +have given me similar compliments. I was not specially conscious of that +power that I recollect, but instinctively used it when I had got over +fits of modesty, which sometimes prevented my uttering even veiled +allusions for a time. + +Mrs. ------ like Jenny was easily flattered. What lovely limbs she had +I said; had she much hair on her cunt? my excitement had prevented me +feeling or seeing it. "Come and let me feel,--let me look." She colored +and blushed, and at every lascivious remark, "Oh! I never,--no I never +did,--oh!" Then she again went to the drawer where the money was, +looked in it as if to make sure it was there, and locked the drawer now. +"Mine's bigger than your husband's, isn't it?" "Well if I ever heard +such remarks." "You said it was big when it was up you." "Oh! you +story." "You did my dear, you said when you were just coming, 'Oh! it's +big.'" "I didn't." "_Yes you did_, you know you did,--look how stiff it +is now,--come." "I won't." + +I moved off the bed, caught her, and pushed her against the side of the +bed. "Let's see your cunt." "You shan't." "How foolish,--I've fucked it +twice,--let me feel it, and you feel my cock,--let me look at it,--I'm +sure it's lovely." She got on to the bed after a little resistance, took +my pego in her fist, and I got my fingers in her crack. "A delicious +fuck you are,"--then she let me pull up her clothes and look. "My +God what a lovely cunt,--how deliciously you join your wet lips to +mine,--how you move,--I shall never forget it to the last moment of +my life,--oh! let me." "I musn't,--I would, but I'm frightened." "How +foolish,--it's not an hour since my prick was in you,--what is the harm +of doing it another time?" "Will you go then?" "Yes." Gently Mrs.------ +opened her thighs. Our backsides were soon at the short wriggles. "It's +big, isn't it?" "Oh! don't," said she, "I shall spend." My remark, +tallying perhaps with something which was passing in her own mind +fetched her, and me with her instantly. + +When it was over I would not go. "No I'll do it again." "That's +nonsense," said she, "you know you can't, even if you try, and you're +only making me anxious." We laid side by side talking, for she liked +the subject. I had a most buttock-stirring letch on me, and to her +astonishment in about an hour I produced another stiff one. One +persuasion is very much like another with the same woman; each time I +had less difficulty, for she liked the poking. Dusk was coming on, she +got lights, she fetched some liquor, and after the liquor I got her to +lay on the sofa (for we then had gone downstairs), and on pretence +of kissing her quim I got her to open her thighs wide, and saw in the +twilight what I had seen before, large and ugly inner-lips. For all that +I fucked her again, after frigging myself up gently to stiffness, and +fucked as if it was the last bout with a woman I was ever going to have. +Then I left at her earnest entreaties before her sister returned. I had +been there six hours. + +I called on Jenny next day. She was in a way. Her sister directly she +had returned home said she must go and see her husband; and spite of +Jenny's entreaties not to leave her alone, had gone and never returned +all night. Jenny could not make out the reason, but thought that she +went away expecting to find her husband with a woman. She returned to +sleep as usual on the Monday night with Jenny, I found subsequently. + +That day I went off without poking Jenny, and slunk away ashamed. I +was done up with poking her sister. Jenny seemed astonished, but said +nothing. + +Afterwards I got out of Jenny cautiously all I wanted to know about her +sister. The result was, that finding on the next Sunday fortnight, Jenny +was again going out with her young man, and the sister again would be +left in the house, I went there. The woman's astonishment was great, and +I believe she was genuinely distressed at seeing me. I attacked her for +a time fruitlessly, she would not move from the street-door. "Did you +not swear when I let you do it the last time, you would never come near +me again, and never tell any one?" said she. + +I could not deny it, had great difficulty with her, and thought I never +should succeed. For full an hour with her back against the wall of the +passage did she stand, refusing to move. I pulled up her clothes, felt +her cunt, knelt on the mat, got my head up her petticoats, my nose on +her motte, my mouth on her thighs and cunt, my hand round her marbly +buttocks, and held her kissing, sniffing, and groping my fingers between +her bum-cheeks, and the red orifice which I wanted to plug. In her +struggles to prevent me she once nearly fell, but she got away. + +But what woman who has been fucked by a man could withstand an hour's +persistent feeling, cunt-kissing, baudy talk, and beseeching. I +conquered, and fucked her on the sofa. She did not rush out to wash her +cunt as she had done at our first meeting, there was no water near. I +had her again and again. At each assault when the pleasure overtook her, +she had the same mouth-sucking and arse-wagging. When our love-making +was over, I gave her two pounds. I had offered it her before in the +passage, but she had knocked it out of my hand. When she took it she +said, "Ah! it's an awful thing to be poor!" I shall tell of another +woman who made the same excuse to herself for getting her lust +satisfied, or yielding. + +That satisfied me, and I never had her again in the house. A letch for +her came again about two months afterwards,--why? God only knows, for +then at times I was having her sister, another woman, Louisa Fisher, +and lastly Sarah Mavis. The old couple had returned, Jenny had a +fellow-servant; I could only get a poke up her with difficulty on the +Sundays, which her young man did not see her. I took her to a baudy +house for an hour or so, then she went to church, and heard the text, +because her Mistress always asked her what the text was when she went +home. It was a supposition that she went to church on a Sunday. + +I knew where Jenny's sister lived, and the place where she worked. It +was now dark about six o'clock. I waylaid her on her way home on the +high-road which was well lighted and full of people. I walked with her, +but she prayed me not to do so, for her husband came partly the same +road, and sometimes met her. What would happen if he met her with a +swell walking by her side. I could not persuade her to go to a house. +No,--she was not a loose woman, though she knew what she had done,--I +had done her more harm than I had any idea of, already,--why injure +her? + +The more she objected, the more I longed for her. At last under solemn +promise that I would go away after, we turned up a short street leading +into a lane by garden-grounds, and there up a fence I fucked her. Away +she went, and I never saw her afterwards to speak to, though I have +passed her without taking notice. I think that in that parting fuck I +had all the pleasure, she none. + +Jenny's Mistress had been taken ill at the seaside, and kept there a +month longer than was intended. Owing to this my complete enjoyment of +Jenny's charms was prolonged, and to that I owed the second Sunday's +fucking of Jenny's sister. Old Mr. W----- came up to London twice, and +once nearly caught me in the house. I had written to say I had called +at their home, and had never found their servant out. The lady wrote to +thank me, and in writing to my mother, said how much obliged they were +for my calling; but my wife said she thought the servant (Jenny) was a +sly sort of minx, and wondered how they could be so foolish as to leave +her in the house by herself. + +When they came to town I was for a time very intimate with them, which +pleased them much. Jenny used to let me out at the garden-gate, and +leave the gate unlocked. Instead of going away, I used to hide in the +shrubs, Jenny would come back, close the street-door ajar, and a few +minutes afterwards come out again very quietly. Then up against an +ivy covered wall we poked, and she went indoors with wetted privates. +Sometimes after waiting I had to go away unsatisfied, she not appearing, +sometimes rain prevented us,--all of which was very annoying. + +Fucking her in fact became a matter of anxiety. She had to dodge her +fellow-servant as well as her Master and Mistress, and we copulated in +fear and trembling. In the midst of the work she has left me because +of some scare; once she went off saying, "Oh! there is Missus' bell +ringing,--oh!"--and uncunting me, off she ran. One night we went on +to the flower-beds between two large trees, and the next day the old +gentleman remarked that some man had got over the wall into his garden, +and he should tell the police. If there was moonlight we were done. One +night latish she was sent to fetch some butter. I waited, and we fucked +up against some palings. Unfortunately the butter was let fall out of +the basket on to the gravel. We went back for more, but the shop was +then shut, so she had to take home the dirty butter, and make the best +story she could about it. On Sundays when at the baudy house, the girl +was awfully frightened lest she should be seen, and we used to walk +there on opposite sides of the way, I going in first. Then we went away +with similar precautions,--but I began to get very tired of this, having +indeed had enough of her. + +Jenny had lost all fear of being in the family way, and poked freely, +but she never ceased bewailing her poor young man; though at length my +tool had become to her a thing to be longed for. The young man had money +left him, quitted his place, and Jenny left to be married. I heard of +them for many years afterwards, they opened a shop, then a larger one, +and so on, till at length he became (I found this quite recently) the +mayor of the town,--if not it was some one of the same name, and in the +same line of business. He was much respected, and Jenny his wife was +equally so. They had no children up to the time when the old lady her +former Mistress, died; and for aught I know they may still be living in +the town of------. + +One night some time before she left her situation, we spoke of her +sister. "She is in the family way again," said she, "and in such a way +about it, and so is he,--the night she left me to sleep by myself, she +went home to her husband, because she suspected there was another +woman there;--well that night she declared he did not let his stuff go +outside,--he says he did,--they quarrel, he says it's her fault, and she +says it's his." + +Then it seemed evident to me that after the heavy fucking I gave her +that day, that she feared being in the family way; so went home, and +incited her man to fuck her, and enable her to say that the child was +his, and of course it might have been, though it might have been mine. + + +FINIS VOLUME THREE + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's My Secret Life, Volumes I. to III., by Anonymous + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MY SECRET LIFE, VOLUMES I. 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+
+Project Gutenberg's My Secret Life, Volumes I. to III., by Anonymous
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
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+
+Title: My Secret Life, Volumes I. to III.
+       1888 Edition
+
+Author: Anonymous
+
+Release Date: October 30, 2009 [EBook #30360]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MY SECRET LIFE, VOLUMES I. TO III. ***
+
+
+
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+Produced by An Anonymous Volunteer (This file was produced
+from scans of public domain material produced by Google
+Books)
+
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+
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+ + +

+ +

+ MY SECRET LIFE +


+

+Volumes I to III +


+ +

+By An Anonymous Author +


+
+
+AMSTERDAM +
+
+PRIVATELY PRINTED FOR SUBSCRIBERS. +
+
+1888 +
+ +
+
+
+
+
+
+

+This first reprint of "My Secret Life" is for private distribution +among connoisseur collectors. It is strictly limited to four hundred +and seventy five copies, all of which have been subscribed for prior to +publication. +

+
+ +
+
+
+
+
+ + +
+
+ + +
+    Volume  I.    + +   Volume  II.    + +   Volume  III.    + +
+
+
+ + + +
+
+
+
+
+ + + + + +

+ INTRODUCTION +

+

+In 18— my oldest friend died. We had been at school and college +together, and our intimacy had never been broken. I was trustee for his +wife and executor at his death. He died of a lingering illness, during +which his hopes of living were alternately raised, and depressed. Two +years before he died, he gave me a huge parcel carefully tied up and +sealed. Take care of, but don't open this he said: if I get better, +return it to me, if I die, let no mortal eye but yours see it, and burn +it. +

+

+His widow died a year after him. I had well nigh forgoten this packet +which I had had full three years, when looking for some title deeds +I came cross it, and opened it, as it was my duty to do. Its contents +astonished me. The more I read it, the more marvellous it seemed. I +pondered long on the meaning of his instructions when he gave it to me, +and kept the manuscript some years, hesitating what to do with it. +

+

+At length I came to the conclusion knowing his idiosyncracy well, that +his fear was only lest any one should know who the writer was; and +feeling that it would be sinful to destroy such a history, I copied the +manuscript and destroyed the original. He died relationless. +

+

+No one now can trace the author, no names are mentioned in the book, +though they were given freely in the margin of his manuscript, and I +alone know to whom the initials refer. If I have done harm in printing +it, I have done none to him, have indeed only carried out his evident +intention, and given to a few a secret history, which bears the impress +of truth on every page, a contribution to psychology. +

+ + +




+ +

+ PREFACE +

+

+I began these memoirs when about twenty-five years old, having from +youth kept a diary of some sort, which perhaps from habit made me think +of recording my inner and secret life. +

+

+When I began it, I had scarcely read a baudy book, none of which +excepting "Fanny Hill" appeared to me to be truthful, that did, and +it does so still; the others telling of recherche eroticisms, or +of inordinate copulative powers, of the strange twists, tricks, and +fancies, of matured voluptuousness, and philosophical lewedness, seemed +to my comparative ignorance, as baudy imaginings, or lying inventions, +not worthy of belief; although I now know by experience, that they may +be true enough, however eccentric, and improbable, they may appear to +the uninitiated. +

+

+Fanny Hill was a woman's experience. Written perhaps by a woman, where +was a man's, written with equal truth? That book has no baudy word +in it; but baudy acts need the baudy ejaculations; the erotic, full +flavored expressions, which even the chastest indulge in, when lust, or +love, is in its full tide of performance. So I determined to write my +private life freely as to fact, and in the spirit of the lustful acts +done by me, or witnessed; it is written therefore with absolute truth, +and without any regard whatever for what the world calls decency. +Decency and voluptuousness in its fullest acceptance, cannot exist +together, one would kill the other; the poetry of copulation I have only +experienced with a few women, which however neither prevented them, nor +me from calling a spade, a spade. +

+

+I began it for my amusement; when many years had been chronicled I tired +of it and ceased. Some ten years afterwards I met a woman, with whom, +or with those she helped me do; I did, said, saw, and heard, well nigh +everything a man and woman could do with their genitals, and began to +narrate those events, when quite fresh in my memory, a great variety of +incidents extending over four years or more. Then I lost sight of her, +and my amorous amusements for a while were simpler, but that part of my +history was complete. +

+

+After a little while, I set to work to describe the events of the +intervening years of my youth, and early middle age; which included most +of my gallant intrigues and adventures of a frisky order; but not the +more lascivious ones of later years. Then an illness caused me to think +seriously of burning the whole. But not liking to destroy my labor, I +laid it aside again for a couple of years. Then another illness gave +me long uninterrupted leisure; I read my manuscript, and filled in some +occurrences which I had forgotten, but which my diary enabled me to +place in their proper order. This will account for the difference in +style in places, which I now observe; and a very needless repetition, +of voluptuous descriptions, which I had forgotten, had been before +described; that however is inevitable, for human copulation, vary the +incidents leading up to it as you may, is, and must be, at all times, +much the same affair. +

+

+Then for the first time, I thought I would print my work that had been +commenced more than twenty years before, but hesitated. I then had +entered my maturity, and on to the most lascivious portion of my life, +the events were disjointed, and fragmentary and my amusement was to +describe them just after they occurred. Most frequently the next day I +wrote all down with much prolixity, since, I have much abbreviated it. +

+

+I had from youth an excellent memory, but about sexual matters a +wonderful one. Women were the pleasure of my life. I loved cunt, but +also she who had it; I like the woman I fucked and not simply the cunt +I fucked, and therein is a great difference. I recollect even now in a +degree which astonishes me, the face, color, stature, thighs, backside, +and cunt, of well nigh every woman I have had, who was not a mere +casual; and even of some who were. The clothes they wore, the houses and +rooms in which I had them, were before me mentally, as I wrote, the way +the bed, and furniture were placed, the side of the room the windows +were on, I remembered perfectly; and all the important events I can fix +as to time, sufficiently nearly by reference to my diary, in which the +contemporaneous circumstances of my life are recorded. +

+

+I recollect also largely what we said, and did, and generally our baudy +amusements. Where I fail to have done so, I have left description blank, +rather than attempt to make a story coherent by inserting what was +merely probable. I could not now account for my course of action, nor +why I did this, or said that, my conduct seems strange, foolish, absurd, +very frequently, that of some women, equally so, but I can but state +what did occur. +

+

+In a few cases, I have for what even seems to me very strange, suggested +reasons, or causes, but only where the facts seem by themselves to be +very improbable, but have not exaggerated anything willingly. When I +have named the number of times I have fucked a woman in my youth, I may +occasionally be in error, it is difficult to be quite accurate on such +points after a lapse of time. But as before said in many cases the +incidents were written down a few weeks and often within a few +days after they occurred. I do not attempt to pose as a Hercules in +copulation, there are quite sufficient braggarts on that head, much +intercourse with gay women, and doctors, makes me doubt the wonderful +feats in coition, some men tell of. +

+

+I have one fear about publicity, it is that of having done a few things +by curiosity and impulse (temporary abberations), which even professed +libertines may cry fie on. There are plenty who will cry fie who have +done all and worse than I have and habitually, but crying out at the +sins of others was always a way of hiding one's own iniquity. Yet from +that cause perhaps no mortal eye but mine, will see this history. The +christian name of the servants mentioned are generally the true ones, +the other names mostly false, the phonetically resembling the true +ones. Initials nearly always the true ones. In most cases the woman they +represent are dead or lost to me. Streets and baudy houses named are +nearly always correct. Most of the houses named are now closed or pulled +down; but any middle aged man about town would recognize them. Where a +road, house, room, or garden is described, the description is exactly +true; even to the situation of a tree, chair, bed, sofa, pisspot. The +district is sometimes given wrongly; but it matters little whether +Brompton be substituted for Hackney, or Camden Town for Walworth. Where +however owing to the incidents it is needful, the places of amusement +are given correctly. The Tower, and Argyle rooms, for example. All this +is done to prevent giving pain to some, perhaps still living, for I have +no malice to gratify. +

+

+I have mystified family affairs, but if I say I had ten cousins, when I +had but six, or that one aunt's house was in Surrey instead of Kent, or +in Lancashire; it breaks the clue and cannot matter to the reader. +

+

+But my doings with man and woman are as true as gospel. If I say that +I saw, or did, that with a cousin male, or female, it was with a cousin +and no mere acquaintance; if with a servant, it was with a servant; if +with a casual acquaintance, it is equally true. Nor if I say I had that +woman, and did this or that with her, or felt or did aught else with a +man, is there a word of untruth excepting as to the place at which the +incidents occurred. But even those are mostly correctly given, this is +intended to be a true history, and not a lie. +

+ + +




+ +

+ SECOND PREFACE +

+

+Some years have passed away since I penned the foregoing, and it is not +printed. I have since gone through abnormal phases of amatory life, have +done and seen things, had tastes and letches which years ago I thought +were the dreams of erotic mad-men; these are all described, the +manuscript has grown into unmanageable bulk, shall it, can it be +printed? What will be said or thought of me, what become of the +manuscript if found when I am dead, better to destroy the whole, it has +fulfilled its purpose in amusing me, now let it go to the flames! +

+

+I have read my manuscript, through what reminiscences I had actually +forgotten some of the early ones; how true the detail strikes me as I +read of my early experiences; had it not been written then, it never +could have been written now, has anybody but myself faithfully made such +a record? It would be a sin to burn all this, whatever society may +say it is but a narrative of human life, perhaps the every day life of +thousands, if the confession could be had. +

+

+What strikes me as curious in reading it, is the monotony of the course +I have pursued toward women who were not of the gay class; it has been +as similar, and repetitive as fucking itself; do all men act so, does +every man kiss, coax, hint smuttily, then talk baudily, snatch a feel, +smell his fingers, assault, and win, exactly as I have done? Is every +woman offended, say no, then oh! blush, be angry, refuse, close her +thighs, after a struggle open them, and yield to her lust as mine have +done? A conclave of whores telling the truth, and of Romish Priests, +could alone settle the point. Have all men had the strange letches which +late in life have enraptured me, though in early days the idea of them +revolted me? I can never know this, my experience if printed may enable +others to compare as I cannot. +

+

+Shall it be burnt or printed? How many years have passed in this +indecision, why fear; it is for others' good and not my own if +preserved. +

+ +
+ +
+
+ + + +
+
+ + +
+    Volume  I.    + +   Volume  II.    + +   Volume  III.    + +
+
+
+ +
+
+
+
+
+ + + + + + + + + +
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's My Secret Life, Volumes I. to III., by Anonymous
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+
+ + + diff --git a/30360-h/secret1.htm b/30360-h/secret1.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..dd9956a --- /dev/null +++ b/30360-h/secret1.htm @@ -0,0 +1,8637 @@ + + + + + + My Secret Life, + by Anonymous + + + + + + + +

+ +

+ MY SECRET LIFE +


+

+Volume One +


+ +

+By Anonymous +


+
+
+AMSTERDAM +
+
+PRIVATELY PRINTED FOR SUBSCRIBERS. +
+
+1888 +
+ +
+
+
+
+
+
+

+This first reprint of "My Secret Life" is for private distribution +among connoisseur collectors. It is strictly limited to four hundred +and seventy five copies, all of which have been subscribed for prior to +publication. +

+
+ +
+
+
+
+
+ + +

Contents

+ + +
+ + +
+ + +

+INTRODUCTION +

+

+PREFACE +

+

+SECOND PREFACE +

+

+CHAPTER I. +

+

+CHAPTER II. +

+

+CHAPTER III. +

+

+CHAPTER IV. +

+

+CHAPTER V. +

+

+CHAPTER VI. +

+

+CHAPTER VII. +

+

+CHAPTER VIII. +

+

+CHAPTER IX. +

+

+CHAPTER X. +

+

+CHAPTER XI. +

+

+CHAPTER XII. +

+

+CHAPTER XIII. +

+

+CHAPTER XIV. +

+ + +
+
+ +
+
+
+
+
+ + + + +

+ INTRODUCTION +

+

+In 18— my oldest friend died. We had been at school and college +together, and our intimacy had never been broken. I was trustee for his +wife and executor at his death. He died of a lingering illness, during +which his hopes of living were alternately raised, and depressed. Two +years before he died, he gave me a huge parcel carefully tied up and +sealed. Take care of, but don't open this he said: if I get better, +return it to me, if I die, let no mortal eye but yours see it, and burn +it. +

+

+His widow died a year after him. I had well nigh forgoten this packet +which I had had full three years, when looking for some title deeds +I came cross it, and opened it, as it was my duty to do. Its contents +astonished me. The more I read it, the more marvellous it seemed. I +pondered long on the meaning of his instructions when he gave it to me, +and kept the manuscript some years, hesitating what to do with it. +

+

+At length I came to the conclusion knowing his idiosyncracy well, that +his fear was only lest any one should know who the writer was; and +feeling that it would be sinful to destroy such a history, I copied the +manuscript and destroyed the original. He died relationless. +

+

+No one now can trace the author, no names are mentioned in the book, +though they were given freely in the margin of his manuscript, and I +alone know to whom the initials refer. If I have done harm in printing +it, I have done none to him, have indeed only carried out his evident +intention, and given to a few a secret history, which bears the impress +of truth on every page, a contribution to psychology. +

+ + +




+ +

+ PREFACE +

+

+I began these memoirs when about twenty-five years old, having from +youth kept a diary of some sort, which perhaps from habit made me think +of recording my inner and secret life. +

+

+When I began it, I had scarcely read a baudy book, none of which +excepting "Fanny Hill" appeared to me to be truthful, that did, and +it does so still; the others telling of recherche eroticisms, or +of inordinate copulative powers, of the strange twists, tricks, and +fancies, of matured voluptuousness, and philosophical lewedness, seemed +to my comparative ignorance, as baudy imaginings, or lying inventions, +not worthy of belief; although I now know by experience, that they may +be true enough, however eccentric, and improbable, they may appear to +the uninitiated. +

+

+Fanny Hill was a woman's experience. Written perhaps by a woman, where +was a man's, written with equal truth? That book has no baudy word +in it; but baudy acts need the baudy ejaculations; the erotic, full +flavored expressions, which even the chastest indulge in, when lust, or +love, is in its full tide of performance. So I determined to write my +private life freely as to fact, and in the spirit of the lustful acts +done by me, or witnessed; it is written therefore with absolute truth, +and without any regard whatever for what the world calls decency. +Decency and voluptuousness in its fullest acceptance, cannot exist +together, one would kill the other; the poetry of copulation I have only +experienced with a few women, which however neither prevented them, nor +me from calling a spade, a spade. +

+

+I began it for my amusement; when many years had been chronicled I tired +of it and ceased. Some ten years afterwards I met a woman, with whom, +or with those she helped me do; I did, said, saw, and heard, well nigh +everything a man and woman could do with their genitals, and began to +narrate those events, when quite fresh in my memory, a great variety of +incidents extending over four years or more. Then I lost sight of her, +and my amorous amusements for a while were simpler, but that part of my +history was complete. +

+

+After a little while, I set to work to describe the events of the +intervening years of my youth, and early middle age; which included most +of my gallant intrigues and adventures of a frisky order; but not the +more lascivious ones of later years. Then an illness caused me to think +seriously of burning the whole. But not liking to destroy my labor, I +laid it aside again for a couple of years. Then another illness gave +me long uninterrupted leisure; I read my manuscript, and filled in some +occurrences which I had forgotten, but which my diary enabled me to +place in their proper order. This will account for the difference in +style in places, which I now observe; and a very needless repetition, +of voluptuous descriptions, which I had forgotten, had been before +described; that however is inevitable, for human copulation, vary the +incidents leading up to it as you may, is, and must be, at all times, +much the same affair. +

+

+Then for the first time, I thought I would print my work that had been +commenced more than twenty years before, but hesitated. I then had +entered my maturity, and on to the most lascivious portion of my life, +the events were disjointed, and fragmentary and my amusement was to +describe them just after they occurred. Most frequently the next day I +wrote all down with much prolixity, since, I have much abbreviated it. +

+

+I had from youth an excellent memory, but about sexual matters a +wonderful one. Women were the pleasure of my life. I loved cunt, but +also she who had it; I like the woman I fucked and not simply the cunt +I fucked, and therein is a great difference. I recollect even now in a +degree which astonishes me, the face, color, stature, thighs, backside, +and cunt, of well nigh every woman I have had, who was not a mere +casual; and even of some who were. The clothes they wore, the houses and +rooms in which I had them, were before me mentally, as I wrote, the way +the bed, and furniture were placed, the side of the room the windows +were on, I remembered perfectly; and all the important events I can fix +as to time, sufficiently nearly by reference to my diary, in which the +contemporaneous circumstances of my life are recorded. +

+

+I recollect also largely what we said, and did, and generally our baudy +amusements. Where I fail to have done so, I have left description blank, +rather than attempt to make a story coherent by inserting what was +merely probable. I could not now account for my course of action, nor +why I did this, or said that, my conduct seems strange, foolish, absurd, +very frequently, that of some women, equally so, but I can but state +what did occur. +

+

+In a few cases, I have for what even seems to me very strange, suggested +reasons, or causes, but only where the facts seem by themselves to be +very improbable, but have not exaggerated anything willingly. When I +have named the number of times I have fucked a woman in my youth, I may +occasionally be in error, it is difficult to be quite accurate on such +points after a lapse of time. But as before said in many cases the +incidents were written down a few weeks and often within a few +days after they occurred. I do not attempt to pose as a Hercules in +copulation, there are quite sufficient braggarts on that head, much +intercourse with gay women, and doctors, makes me doubt the wonderful +feats in coition, some men tell of. +

+

+I have one fear about publicity, it is that of having done a few things +by curiosity and impulse (temporary abberations), which even professed +libertines may cry fie on. There are plenty who will cry fie who have +done all and worse than I have and habitually, but crying out at the +sins of others was always a way of hiding one's own iniquity. Yet from +that cause perhaps no mortal eye but mine, will see this history. The +christian name of the servants mentioned are generally the true ones, +the other names mostly false, the phonetically resembling the true +ones. Initials nearly always the true ones. In most cases the woman they +represent are dead or lost to me. Streets and baudy houses named are +nearly always correct. Most of the houses named are now closed or pulled +down; but any middle aged man about town would recognize them. Where a +road, house, room, or garden is described, the description is exactly +true; even to the situation of a tree, chair, bed, sofa, pisspot. The +district is sometimes given wrongly; but it matters little whether +Brompton be substituted for Hackney, or Camden Town for Walworth. Where +however owing to the incidents it is needful, the places of amusement +are given correctly. The Tower, and Argyle rooms, for example. All this +is done to prevent giving pain to some, perhaps still living, for I have +no malice to gratify. +

+

+I have mystified family affairs, but if I say I had ten cousins, when I +had but six, or that one aunt's house was in Surrey instead of Kent, or +in Lancashire; it breaks the clue and cannot matter to the reader. +

+

+But my doings with man and woman are as true as gospel. If I say that +I saw, or did, that with a cousin male, or female, it was with a cousin +and no mere acquaintance; if with a servant, it was with a servant; if +with a casual acquaintance, it is equally true. Nor if I say I had that +woman, and did this or that with her, or felt or did aught else with a +man, is there a word of untruth excepting as to the place at which the +incidents occurred. But even those are mostly correctly given, this is +intended to be a true history, and not a lie. +

+ + +




+ +

+ SECOND PREFACE +

+

+Some years have passed away since I penned the foregoing, and it is not +printed. I have since gone through abnormal phases of amatory life, have +done and seen things, had tastes and letches which years ago I thought +were the dreams of erotic mad-men; these are all described, the +manuscript has grown into unmanageable bulk, shall it, can it be +printed? What will be said or thought of me, what become of the +manuscript if found when I am dead, better to destroy the whole, it has +fulfilled its purpose in amusing me, now let it go to the flames! +

+

+I have read my manuscript, through what reminiscences I had actually +forgotten some of the early ones; how true the detail strikes me as I +read of my early experiences; had it not been written then, it never +could have been written now, has anybody but myself faithfully made such +a record? It would be a sin to burn all this, whatever society may +say it is but a narrative of human life, perhaps the every day life of +thousands, if the confession could be had. +

+

+What strikes me as curious in reading it, is the monotony of the course +I have pursued toward women who were not of the gay class; it has been +as similar, and repetitive as fucking itself; do all men act so, does +every man kiss, coax, hint smuttily, then talk baudily, snatch a feel, +smell his fingers, assault, and win, exactly as I have done? Is every +woman offended, say no, then oh! blush, be angry, refuse, close her +thighs, after a struggle open them, and yield to her lust as mine have +done? A conclave of whores telling the truth, and of Romish Priests, +could alone settle the point. Have all men had the strange letches which +late in life have enraptured me, though in early days the idea of them +revolted me? I can never know this, my experience if printed may enable +others to compare as I cannot. +

+

+Shall it be burnt or printed? How many years have passed in this +indecision, why fear; it is for others' good and not my own if +preserved. +

+ +
+
+
+
+
+ + + + + +

+ CHAPTER I. +

+
+     Earliest recollections.—An erotic nurse-maid.—Ladies
+     abed.—My cock.—A frisky governess.—Cousin Fred.—Thoughts
+     on pudend.—A female pedler.—Baudy pictures.—A naked
+     baby.
+
+

+My earliest recollections of things sexual are of what I think must have +occurred some time between my age of five, and eight years. I tell of +them just as I recollect them, without attempt to fill in what seems +probable. +

+

+She was I suppose my nursemaid. I recollect that she sometimes held my +little prick when I piddled, was it needful to do so? I don't know. She +attempted to pull my propuce back, when, and how often I know not. But I +am clear at seeing the prick tip show, of feeling pain, of yelling out, +of her soothing me, and of this occurring more than once. She comes to +my memory as a shortish, fattish young female and that she often felt my +prick. +

+

+One day, it must have been late in the afternoon, for the sun was low, +but shining—how strange I should recollect that so clearly—but I have +always recollected sunshine.—I had been walking out with her, toys had +been bought me, we were both carrying them, she stopped and talked to +some men, one caught hold of her and kissed her, I felt frightened, it +was near a coach stand, for hackney coaches were there, cabs were not +then known, she put what toys she had on to my hands, and went into a +house with a man. What house? I don't know. Probably a public-house, for +there was one not far from a coach stand, and not far from our house. +She came out and we went home. +

+

+Then I was in our house in a carpeted room with her; it could not have +been the nursery I know, sitting on the floor with my toys, so was she; +she played with me and the toys, we rolled over each other on the floor +in fun, I have a recollection of having done that with others, and of my +father and mother, being in that room at times with me playing. +

+

+She kissed me, got out my cock, and played with it, took one of my hands +and put it underneath her clothes. It felt rough there, that's all, she +moved my little hand violently there then she felt my cock and again +hurt me, I recollect seeing the red tip appear as she pulled down the +prepuce, and my crying out, and her quieting me. +

+

+Then of her being on her back, of my striding across or between her +legs, and her heaving me up and down, and my riding cock-horse and that +it was not the first time I had done so; then I fell flat on her, she +heaved me up and down and squeezed me till I cried. I scrambled of! of +her, and in doing so, my hand, or foot went through a drum, I had been +drumming on, at which I cried. +

+

+As I sat crying on the floor besides her, I recollect her naked legs, +and one of her hands shaking violently beneath her petticoats, and of my +having some vague notion that the woman was ill, I felt timid. All was +for a moment quiet, her hand ceased, still she lay on her back, and I +saw her thighs, then turning round she drew me to her, kissed me and +tranquillised me. As she turned round I saw one side of her backside, I +leant over it and laid my face on it, crying about my broken drum, the +evening sunbeams made it all bright, it had at some time been raining I +recollect. +

+

+I expect I must have seen her cunt, as I sat beside her naked thigh. +Looking towards her and crying about my broken drum, and when I saw +her hand moving no doubt she was frigging. Yet I have not the slightest +recollection of her cunt, nor of anything more than I have told. But of +having seen her naked thighs, I am certain, I seem often to have seen +them, but cannot feel certain of that. +

+

+The oddest thing is, that whilst I early recollected more or less +clearly what took place two or three years later on, and ever +afterwards, on sexual matters; and what I said, heard, and did, and +nearly consecutively, this my first recollection of cock, and cunt, +escaped my memory for full twenty years. +

+

+Then one day talking with the husband of one of my cousins, about +infantine incidents he told me something which had occurred to him in +his childhood; and suddenly, almost as quickly as a magic lantern throws +a picture on to a wall, this which had occurred to me came into my mind. +I have since thought over it a hundred times, but cannot recollect one +circumstance relating to the adventure more than I have told. +

+

+My mother had been giving advice to my cousin about nursemaids. They +were not to be trusted. "When Walter was a little fellow, she had +dismissed a filthy creature, whom she had detected in abominable +practices with one of her children," what they were my mother never +disclosed. She hated indelicacies of any sort, and usually cut short +allusion to them by saying, "It's not a subject to talk about, let's +talk of something else." My cousin told her husband, and when we +were together he told me, and his own experiences, and then all the +circumstances came into my mind, just as I have told here. +

+

+I could not, as the reader will hear, thoroughly uncover my prick tip +without pain, till I was sixteen years old nor well then when quite +stiff unless it went up a cunt. My nursemaid I expect thought this +curious, and tried to remedy the error in my make, and hurt me. My +mother, by her extremely delicate feeling, shut herself off from much +knowledge of the world, which was the reason why she had such implicit +belief in my virtue, until I had seen twenty-two years, and kept, or +nearly so, a French harlot. +

+

+I imagine I must have slept with this nurse-maid, and certainly I did +with some female, in a room called the Chinese room, on account of the +color of the wall papers. I recollect a female being there in bed with +me, that I awoke one morning feeling very hot, and stifled, and that my +head was against flesh; that flesh was all about me, my mouth and nose +being embedded in hair, or some thing scrubby, which had a hot peculiar +odour. I have a recollection of a pair of hands suddenly clutching, +and dragging me up on to the pillow, and of daylight then. I have no +recollection of a word being uttered. This incident I could not long +have forgoten, having told my cousin Fred, of it before my father died. +He used to say it was the governess. I suppose, I must have slipped down +in my sleep, till my head laid against her belly, and cunt. +

+

+Some years afterwards when I got the smell of another woman's cunt on my +fingers, it at once reminded me of the smell I had under my nose in +the bed; and I knew at a flash, that I had smelt cunt before, and +recollected where, but no more. +

+

+How long after, I have no idea, but it seems like two or three years, +there was a dance in our house, several relations were to stop the night +with us, the house was full, here was bustle, the shifting of beds, the +governess going into a servant's room to sleep, and so on. Some female +cousins were amongst those stopping with us; going into the drawing-room +suddenly, I heard my mother saying to one of my aunts: "Walter is after +all but a child, and its only for one night." Hish-hish both said, as +they saw me, then my mother sent me out of the room, wondering why they +were talking about me, and feeling curious, and annoyed at being sent +away. +

+

+I had been in the habit then of sleeping in a room, either with another +bed in it, or close to a room leading out of it, with another bed, I +cannot recollect which; I used to call out to whoever might have been +there when I was in bed: for being timid, the door was kept open for me. +It could not have been a man who slept there, for the men servants slept +on the ground-floor, I have seen their beds there. +

+

+The night I speak of, my bed was taken out, and put into the Chinese +paper room, one of the maids who helped to move it, sat on the pot and +piddled; I heard the rattle, and as far as I can recollect it was the +first time I noticed anything of the sort, tho I recollect well seeing +women putting on their stockings and feeling the thigh of one of them +just above her knee. I was kneeling on the floor at the time, and had a +trumpet, which she took angrily out of my hand soon afterwards, because +I made a noise. +

+

+I recollect the dance, that I danced with a tall lady, that my mother +contrary to custom as it seems to me, put me to bed herself, and that it +was before the dance was over, for I felt angry and tearful at being put +to bed so early. My mother closed the curtains quite tightly all round +a small four post bed, and told me, I was to lie quietly, and not get up +till she came to me in the morning; not to speak, nor undo my curtains, +nor to get out of bed, or I should disturb Mr. and Mrs. ——— who were +to sleep in the big bed; that it would make them angry if I did. I am +almost certain she named a lady and her husband, who were going to stay +with us; but can't be sure. A man then frightened me more than a woman, +my mother I dare say knew that. +

+

+I dare say, for it was the same the greater part of my life, that I went +to sleep directly I laid down, usually never awaking till the morning. +Certainly I must have gone fast asleep that night; perhaps I had had +a little wine given me, who knows; I have a sudden consciousness of a +light, and hear some one say, he is fast asleep, don't make a noise; +it seemed like my mother's voice. I rouse myself and listen, the +circumstances are strange, the room strange, it excites me, and I rise +on my knees, I don't know whether naturally, or cautiously, or +how; perhaps cautiously, because I fear angering my mother, and the +gentleman, perhaps a sexual instinct makes me curious, though that +is not probable. I have not in fact the slightest conception of the +actuating motive, but I sat up and listened. There were two females +talking, laughing quietly, and moving about, I heard a rattling in the +pot, then a rest, then again a rattle and knew the sound of piddling. +How long I listened, I don't know, I might have dozed and awakened +again, I saw lights moved about; then I crawled on my knees, with fear +that I was doing wrong, and pushed a little aside the curtains where +they met at the bottom of the bed. I recollect their being quite tight +by the tucking in and that I could not easily make an opening to peep +through. +

+

+There was a girl, or young woman with her back to me, brushing her hair, +another was standing by her, one took a night gown off the chair, shook +it out, and dropped it over her head, after drawing off her chemise. As +this was done I saw some black at the bottom of her belly, a fear came +over me, that I was doing wrong and should be punished if found looking, +and I laid down wondering at it all, I fancy I again slept. +

+

+Then there was a shuffling about, and again it seems as if I heard a +noise like piddling, the light was put out, I felt agitated, I heard the +women kiss, one say hish! you will wake that brat, then one said listen, +then I heard kisses and breathing like some one sighing, I thought some +one must be ill and felt alarmed and must then have fallen asleep. I do +not know who the women were, they must have been my cousins, or young +ladies who had come to the dance. That was the first time I recollect +seeing the hair of a cunt, though I must have seen it before, for I +recollect at times a female (most likely a nursemaid) stand naked, but +don't recollect noticing anything black between her thighs, nor did I +think about it at all afterwards. +

+

+In the morning my mother came and took me up to her room, where she +dressed me, as she left the room, she said to the females in bed, they +were not to hurry up, she had only fetched Wattie. +

+

+But all this only came vividly to my mind when, a few years after, I +began to talk about women with my cousin, and we told each other all we +had seen, and heard, about females. +

+

+Until I was about twelve years old I never went to school, there was +a governess in the house who instructed me, and the other children, my +father was nearly always at home. I was carefully kept from the grooms +and other men servants; once I recollect getting to the stable yard and +seeing a stallion mount a mare, his prick go right out of sight in what +appeared to me to be the mares bottom, of father appearing and calling +out "What does that boy do there," and my being hustled away. I had +scarcely a boy acquaintance excepting among my cousins, and therefore +did not learn as much about sexual matters, as boys early do at schools. +I did not know what the stallion was doing. I could have had no notion +of it then, nor did I think about it. +

+

+The next thing I clearly recollected, was one of my male cousins +stopping with us, we walked out and when piddling together against +a hedge, his saying: "show me your cock, Walter, and I will show you +mine." We stood and examined each others cocks, and for the first time, +I became conscious, that I could not get my foreskin easily back, like +other boys. I pulled his backwards and forwards. He hurt me, laughed +and sneered at me, another boy came and I think another, we all compared +cocks, and mine was the only one which would not unskin, they jeered me, +I burst into tears, and went away, thinking there was something wrong +with me, and was ashamed to show my cock again, then I set to work +earnestly to try to pull the foreskin back, but always desisted fearing +the pain, for I was very sensitive. +

+

+My cousin then told me that girls had no cock, but only a hole they +piddled out of, we were always talking about them, but I don't recollect +the word cunt, nor that I attached any lewd idea to a girl's piddling +hole, or to their cocks being flat, an expression heard I think at the +same period. It remained only in my mind that my cock and the girl's +hole were to piddle out of, and nothing more, I cannot be certain about +my age at this time. +

+

+Afterwards I went to that uncle's house often, my cousin Fred was to be +put to school, and we talked a great deal more about girls' cocks which +began to interest me much. He had never seen one he said, but he knew +that they had two holes, one for bogging and the other to piddle from. +They sit down to piddle said he, they don't piddle against a wall as we +do, but that I must have known already, afterwards I felt very curious +about the matter. +

+

+One day, one of his sisters left the room where we were sitting, she +is going to piddle, he said to me. We sneaked into a bed room of one of +them one day, and gravely looked into the pot to see what piddle was in +it. Whether we expected to find anything different from what there was +in our own chamber pot, I do not know. When talking about these things +my cousin would twiddle his cock. We wondered how the piddle came out, +if they wetted their legs and if the hole was near the bum hole, or +where; one day Fred and I pissed against each others cocks, and thought +it excellent fun. +

+

+I recollect being very curious indeed about the way girls piddled after +this, and seeing them piddle became a taste I have kept all my life. I +would listen at the bed room doors, if I could get near them unobserved, +when my mother, sister, the governess, or a servant went in, hoping to +hear the rattle and often succeeded: it was accompanied by no sexual +desire, or idea, as far as I can recollect; I had no cockstand, and am +sure, that I then did not know that the women had a hole called a cunt, +and used it for fucking. I can recall no idea of the sort, it was simple +curiosity to know something about those, whom I instinctively felt +were made differently from myself. What sort of a hole could it be I +wondered. Was it large? Was it round? Why did they squat instead of +stand up, like men, my curiosity became intense. +

+

+How long after this the following took place, I can't say, but my cock +was bigger. I have that impression very distinctly. +

+

+One day, there were people in one of the sitting rooms, where my mother +and father were I don't know; they were not in the room, and were most +likely out. There were one or two of my cousins, some youths, my big +sister and one brother, besides others, our governess, and her sister, +who was stopping with us, and sleeping in the same room with her. I +recollect both going into the bed room together, it was next to mine. +It was evening, we had sweet wine, cake, and snap-dragon, and played +at something, at which all sat in a circle on the floor. I was very +ticklish, it nearly sent me into fits, we tickled each other on the +floor. There was much fun, and noise, the governess tickled me, and I +tickled her. She said as I was taken to bed, or rather went, as I then +did by myself, "I'll go and tickle you." Now at that time when in bed, a +servant, or my mother, or the governess took away the light, and closed +the door; for I was still frightened to get into bed in the dark, and +used to call out, "Mamma, I'm going to get into bed." Then they fetched +the light, they wished to stop this timidity, often scolded me about it, +and made me undress myself, by myself, to cure me of it. +

+

+I expect the other children had been put to bed. My mother keeping all +the younger ones in the room near her. The nursery was also upstairs, my +room, as said, was next to the governess. +

+

+When in bed, I called out for some one to put out the light, up came the +governess and her sister. She began to tickle me, so did her sister, +I laughed, screeched, and tried to tickle them. One of them closed the +door and then came back to tickle me. I kicked all the clothes off, and +was nearly naked, I begged them to desist, felt their hands on my naked +flesh, and am quite sure, that one of them touched my prick more than +once, though it might have been done accidentally. At last I wriggled +off the bed, my night-gown up to my armpits, and dropped with my naked +bum on to the floor, whilst they tickled me still, and laughed at my +wriggling about, and yelling. +

+

+Then what induced me, heaven alone knows; it may have been what I had +heard about the piddling-hole of a woman, or curiosity, or instinct, I +don't know; but I caught hold of the governess' leg as she was trying to +get me up on to the bed again, saying, "that will do, my dear boy, get +into bed, and let me take away the light." I would not; the other lady +helped to lift me, I pushed my hands up the petticoats of the governess, +felt the hair of her cunt, and that there was something warm, and moist, +between her thighs. She let me drop on to the floor, and jumped away +from me. I must have been clinging to her thigh, with both hands up her +petticoats, and one between her thighs, she cried out loudly—oh! +

+

+Then slap-slap-slap, in quick succession, came her hand against my head, +"You...rude...bad...boy," said she slapping me at each word, "I've a +good mind to tell your mamma, get into bed this instant," and into bed +I got without a word. She blew out the light, and left the room with her +sister, leaving me in a dreadful funk. I scarcely knew that I had done +wrong, yet had some vague notion, that feeling about her thighs was +punishable; the soft hairy place my hand had touched, impressed me with +wonder, I kept thinking there was no cock there, and felt a sort of +delight at what I had done. +

+

+I heard them then talking, and laughing loudly, thru the partition. +"They are talking about me, oh if they tell mamma, oh! what did I do it +for?" Trembling with fear, I jumped out of bed, opened my door, and +went to theirs listening; theirs was ajar,—heard: "right up between my +thighs, felt it! he must have felt it; ah! ah! ah! would you ever +have thought the little beast would have done such a thing." They both +laughed heartily. "Did you see his little thing?" said one. "Shut the +door, it's not shut;"—breathless I got back to my room, and into bed, +and laying there, heard them through the partition roaring with laughter +again. +

+

+That is the first time in my life, I recollect passing an all but +sleepless night. The dread of being told about, and dread at what I +had done, kept me awake. I heard the two women talking for a long time. +Mixed with my dread was a wonder at the hair, and the soft, moist feel, +I had had for an instant, on some part of my hand. I knew I had felt the +hidden part of a female, where the piddle came from, and that is all +I did think about it, that I know of, I have no recollection of a lewd +sensation, but of a curious sort of delight only. +

+

+It must have been from this time, that my curiosity about the female +form strengthened, but there was nothing sensual in it. I was fond of +kissing, for my mother remarked it; when a female cousin, or any female +kissed me, I would throw my arms round them, and keep on kissing. My +aunts used to laugh, my mother corrected me, and told me it was rude. I +used to say to the servants, kiss me. One day I heard my godfather say: +"Walter knows a pretty girl from an ugly one doesn't he?" +

+

+I had a dread of meeting the governess, at breakfast, watched her, and +saw her laugh at her sister, I watched my mother for some days after, +and at length said to the governess, who had punished me for something. +"Don't tell mamma." "I have nothing to tell about, Walter," she +replied, "and don't know what you mean." I began to tell her what was on +my mind. "What's the child talking about, you are dreaming, some stupid +boy has been putting things into your head, your papa will thrash +you, if you talk like that." "Why you came and tickled me," said I. "I +tickled you a little when I put your light out," said she, "be quiet." +I felt stupified, and suppose the affair must have passed away from +my mind for a time, but I told my cousin Fred about it afterwards. He +thought I must have been dreaming, and I began to wonder if it really +had occurred, I never thought much about it until I began to recall my +childhood for this history. +

+

+I must have been twelve years old, when I went to an uncle's in Surrey, +and became a close friend of my cousin Fred, a very devil from his +cradle, and of whom much more will be told: before then I had only seen +him at intervals. We were then allowed, and it seems to me not before +that time, to go out by ourselves. We talked boyish baudiness. "Ain't +you green," said he, "a girl's hole isn't called a cock, it's a cunt, +they fuck with it," and then he told me all he knew. I don't think I had +heard that before, but can't be sure. +

+

+From that time a new train of ideas came into my head. I had a vague +idea, though not a belief, that a cock and cunt, were not made for +pissing only. Fred treated me as a simpleton in these matters, and was +always calling me an ass; I have quite a painful recollection of my +inferiority to him, in such things, and of begging him to instruct me. +"They make children that way," said Fred. "You come up and we will ask +the old nurse, where children come from, and she'll say 'out of the +parsley-bed,' but it's all a lie." We went and asked her in a casual +sort of way. She replied, "the parsley-bed," and laughed. The nurse at +my house told me the same, when I asked afterwards about my mother's +last baby. "Ain't they liars?" Fred remarked to me, "it comes out of +their cunts, and it's made by fucking." +

+

+We both desired to see women piddling, though both must have before seen +them at it often enough. Walking near the market-town with him just at +the outskirts, and looking up a side-road, we saw a pedler woman +squat down and piss. We stopped short and looked at her: she was a +short-petticoated, thick-legged, middle-aged woman; the piss ran off in +a copious stream, and there we stood grinning. "Be off, be off, what are +you standing grinning at, yer dam'd young fools," cried the woman, "be +off, or I'll heave a stone at yer," and she pissed on. We moved a few +steps back, but keeping our face towards her, Fred stooped, and put his +head down. "I can see it coming," said he jeeringly. He was rude from +his infancy, bold in baudiness to the utmost, had the impudence of the +devil. The stream ceased, the woman rose up swearing, took up a big +flint and threw it at us. "I'll tell on yer," she cried. "I know yer, +wait till I see yer again." She had a large basket of crockery for sale, +it was put down in the main-road at the angle; she had just turned round +into the side lane to piss. We ran off, and when well away, turned +round and shouted at her, "I saw your cunt," Fred bawled out;—she +flung another stone. Fred took up one, threw it, and it crashed into the +crockery, the woman began to chase us, off we bolted across the fields +home. She could not follow us that way; it was an eventful day for us. +I recollect feeling full of envy at Fred's having seen her cunt. +Though writing now, and having in my mind's eye, exactly how the woman +squatted, and the way her petticoats hung, I am sure he never did see +it; it was brag when he said he had, but we were always talking about +girls' cunts, the desire to see one was great, and I then believed that +he had seen the pedlar woman's. +

+

+Then one of Fred's companions showed us a bawdy picture, it was +coloured. I wondered at the cunt being a long sort of gash, I had an +idea that it was round, like an arse-hole. Fred told his friend I was +an ass, but I could not get the idea of a cunt, not being a round hole +quite out of my head, until I had fucked a woman. We were all anxious +to get the picture, and tossed up for it, but neither I nor Fred got it, +some other boy did. +

+

+Soon after that, Fred came to stop with us and our talk was always about +women's privates, our curiosity became intense. I had a little sister +about nine months old, who was in the nursery. Fred incited me to look +at her cunt, if I could manage it. The two nurses came down in turns, to +the servants dinner. I was often in the nursery, and soon after Fred's +suggestion, was there one day, when the oldest nurse said: "Stop here, +master Walter, while I go downstairs, for a couple of minutes, Mary (the +other nurse) will be up directly, and don't make a noise." My little +sister was lying on the bed asleep. "Yes, I'll wait." Down went nurse, +leaving the door open; quick as lightning, I threw up the infant's +clothes, saw her little slit, and put my finger quite gently on it, she +was laying on her back most conveniently. I pulled one leg away to see +better, the child awakened and began crying, I heard footsteps and had +barely time to pull down her clothes, when the under nursemaid came in. +I only had a momentary glimpse, of the outside of the little quim, for +I was not a minute in the room with the child by myself altogether, and +was fearful of being caught all the time I was looking. +

+

+There must have been something in my face, for the nursemaid said: "What +it the matter, what have you been doing to the baby?" Nothing. "Yes, +you are coloring up, now tell me." "Nothing. I have done nothing." "You +wakened your sister." "No, I have not." The girl laid hold of me, and +gave me a little shake. "I'll tell your mamma if you don't tell me, what +is it now?" "No, I have done nothing, I was looking out of the window +when she began to cry." "You're telling a story, I see you are," said +the nursemaid; and off I went, after being impudent to her. +

+

+I told Fred and he tried the same dodge, but don't recollect whether +he succeeded or not. His sisters were somewhat older, and we began to +scheme how to see their cunts, when I was on a visit to his mother's +(my aunt,) which was to come off in the holidays. The look of the little +child's cunt, as I described it, convinced him that the picture was +correct, and that a cunt was a long slit, and not a round hole. That +cast doubt on males putting their pricks into them, and we clung somehow +to the idea of a round hole, and we quarrelled about it. +

+

+It must have been about this time, that I was walking with my father, +and read something that was written with chalk, on the walls. I asked +him what it meant. He said he did not know, that none but low people, +and blackguards wrote on walls; and it was not worth while noticing such +things. I was conscious that I had done wrong somehow, but did not know +exactly what. When I went out, which I was now allowed to do for short +distances by myself, I copied what was on the walls, to tell Fred, it +was foul, baudy language of some sort, but the only thing we understood +at all, was the word cunt. +

+

+Just then, being out with some boys, we saw two dogs fucking. I have +no recollection of seeing dogs doing that before. We closed round them, +yelling with delight as they stuck rump to rump, then one boy said that +was what men and women did, and I asked, did they stick together so, a +boy replied that they did; others denied it, and all the remainder of +the day, some of us discussed this; the impression left on my mind is, +that it appeared to be very nasty; but it seemed at the same time to +confirm me in the belief, that men put their pricks up into women's +holes, about which I seemed at that time to have grave doubts. +

+

+After this time my recollection of events is clearer, and I can tell not +only what took place, but better what I heard, said, and thought. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER II. +

+
+     My godfather.—At Hampton-Court.—My aunt's backside.—
+     Public baths.—My cousins' cunts.—Haymaking frolics.—
+     Family difficulties.—School amusements.—A masturbating
+     relative.—Romance and sentiment.
+
+

+My godfather (whose fortune I afterwards inherited) was very fond of me; +somewhere about this time he used perpetually to be saying, "When you +get to school, don't you follow any of the tricks yourself, that other +boys do, or you will die in a mad-house; lots of boys do." And he told +me some horrible tales; it was done in a mysterious way. I felt there +was a hidden meaning, and not having knowledge of what it was, asked +him. I should know fast enough, said he, but mark his words. He repeated +this so often, that it sunk deeply into my mind, and made me uneasy, +something was to happen to me, if I did something—I did not know +what—it was intended as a caution against frigging, and it had good +effect on me I am sure in various ways in the after time. +

+

+One day talking with Fred, I recollected what I had done to the +governess. I had kept it to myself all along for fear. "What a lie," +said he. "I did really." "Oh! ain't you a liar," he reiterated, "I'll ask +Miss Granger." The same governess was with us then. +

+

+At this remark of his, an absolute terror came over me, the dread was +something so terrible, that the recollection of it is now painful. "Oh +don't, pray don't, Fred," I said, "oh if Papa should hear!" He kept on +saying he would. I was too young to see the improbability of his doing +anything of the sort. "If you do, I'll tell him what we did when the +pedler woman piddled." He did not care. "Now, it's a lie, isn't it, you +did not feel her cunt?" In fear, I confessed it was a lie. "I know it +was," said Fred. He had kept me in a state of terror about the affair +for days, till I told a lie, to get quit of the subject. +

+

+I was evidently always secret, even then, about anything amorous, +excepting with Fred (as will be seen) and have continued so all my +life. I rarely bragged, or told anyone of my doings; perhaps this little +affair with the governess, was a lesson to me, and confirmed me in a +habit natural to me from my infancy. I have kept to myself everything I +did with the opposite sex. +

+

+We now frequently examined our pricks, and Fred jeered me so about my +prepuce being tight, that I resolved that no other boy should see +it; and though I did not keep strictly to that intention, it left a +deep-seated mortification on me. I used to look at my prick with a +sense of shame, and pull the prepuce up and down, as far as I could +constantly, to loosen it, and would treat other boys' cocks in the same +way, if they would let me, without expecting me to make a return; but +the time was approaching when I was to learn much more. +

+

+One of my uncles, who lived in London, took a house in the country for +the summer near Hampton-Court Palace. Fred and I went to stay there +with them. There were several daughters and sons, the sons quite young. +People then came down from London in vans, carts, and carriages of all +sorts, to see the Palace and grounds (there was no railway), they were +principally of the small middle classes, and used to picnic, or else +dine at the taverns when they arrived; then full, and frisky, after +their early meal, go into the parks and gardens. They do so still, but +times were different then, so few people went there comparatively; fewer +park-keepers to look after them, and less of what is called delicacy, +amongst visitors of the class named. +

+

+Our family party used to go into the grounds daily, and all day long +nearly, if we were not on the river banks. Fred winked at me one day, +"let's lose Bob," said he, "and we'll have such a lark." Bob was one +of our little cousins, generally given into our charge. We lost Bob +purposely. Said Fred, "if you dodge the gardiners, creep up there, and +lay on your belly quietly, some girls will be sure to come, and piss, +you'll see them pull their clothes up as they turn round, I saw some +before you came to stay with us." So we went pushing our way among +shrubs, and evergreens, till a gardiner, who had seen us, called out, +"You there, come back, if I catch you going off the walks, you'll be put +outside." We were in such a funk, Fred cut off one way, I another, but +it only stopped us for that day. Fred so excited me about the girls' +arses, as he called them, that we never lost an opportunity of trying +for a sight, but were generally baulked. Once or twice only we saw a +female squat down, but nothing more, till my mother and Fred's came to +stop with us. +

+

+Fred's mother, mine, the girls, Fred and I went into the Park gardens, +one day after luncheon. A very hot day, for we kept in the shady walks, +one of which led to the place where women hid themselves to piss. My +aunt said, "Why don't you boys go and play, you don't mind the sun," so +off we went, but when about to leave the walk, turned round and saw +the women had turned back. Said Fred, "I'm sure they are going to +piss, that's why they want to get rid of us." We evaded the gardiners, +scrambled through shrubs, on our knees, and at last on our bellies up +a little bank, on the other side of which was the vacant place on which +dead leaves and sweepings were shot down. As we got there, pushing aside +the leaves, we saw the big backside of a woman, who was half standing, +half squatting, a stream of piss falling in front of her, and a big +hairy gash, as it seemed, under her arse; but only for a second, she +had just finished as we got the peep, let her clothes fall, tucked them +between her legs, and half turned round. We saw it was Fred's mother, my +aunt. Off aunt went. "Isn't it a wopper," said Fred, "lay still, more of +them will come." +

+

+Two or three did, one said, "you watch if anyone is coming," squatted +and piddled, we could not see her cunt, but only part of her legs, and +the piddle splashing in front of her. Then came the second, she had her +arse towards us, sat so low, that we could not even see the tips of her +buttocks. Fred thought it a pity they did not stand half up like his +mother. On other occasions, we went to the same place, but though I +recollect seeing some females' legs, don't recollect seeing any more. +Nevertheless the sights were very delightful to us, and we used to +discuss his mother's "wopper" and the hair, and the look of the gash, +but I thought there must be some mistake, for it was not the idea I had +formed of a cunt. +

+

+Fred soon after stopped with us in town, we had been forbidden to go +out together, without permission, but we did, and met a boy bigger than +either of us, who was going to bathe. "Come and see them bathing," he +said. My father had refused to take me to the public baths. Disregarding +this, Fred and I paid our six pence each, and in we went with our +friend; we did not bathe, but amused ourselves with seeing others, and +the pricks of the men. None, as far as I can recollect, wore drawers in +those days, they used to walk about hiding their prides generally, with +their hands, but not always. I was astonished at the size of some of +them, and at the dark hair about them, and on other parts of their +bodies. I wondered also at seeing one or two, with the red tip showing +fully, so different from mine. All this was much talked over by us +afterwards, it was to me an insight into the male make and form. Fred +told me, he had often seen men's pricks in their fields, and in those +days, living in the country as he did, I dare say it was true, but I +don't recollect ever having seen the pricks of full grown men, or a +naked man before in my life. +

+

+It must have been in the summer of that same year, that I went after +this to spend some days at my aunt's at H...ds...e..., Fred's mother. +We slept in the some room, and sometimes got up quite at daybreak to +go fishing. One morning Fred had left something, in one of his sisters' +rooms and went to fetch it, though forbidden to go into the girls' +bedrooms. The room in question was opposite to ours. He was only partly +dressed, and came back in a second, his face grinning. "Oh! come Wat, +come softly, Lucy and Mary are quite naked, you can see their cunts, +Lucy has some black hair on hers." I was only half dressed, and much +excited by the idea of seeing my cousins' nudity. We both took off our +slippers, and crept along through the door half open, then went on our +knees! But why we did so, to this day I don't understand, and so crept +to the foot of the bed, then raising ourselves, we both looked over the +footboard. +

+

+Lucy, fifteen years old, was laying half on her side, naked from her +knees to her waist, the bed-clothes kicked off (I suppose through heat), +were dragging across her feet and partly laying on the floor; we saw her +split, till lost in the closed thighs, she had a little dark short hair +over the top of her cunt, and that is all I can recollect about it. +

+

+Mary-Ann by the side of her, a year younger only, laid on her back, +nacked up to her navel, just above which was her night-gown in a heap +and ruck; she had scarcely a sign of hair on her cunt, but a vermillion +line, lay right through her crack. Projecting more towards the top, +where her cunt began, she had what I now know was a strongly developed +clitoris; she was a lovely girl and had long chestnut hair. +

+

+Whilst we looked she moved one leg up in a restless manner, and we +bobbed down, thinking she was awaking; when we looked again, her limbs +were more open, and we saw the cunt till it was pinched up, by the +closing of her buttocks. In fear of being caught, we soon crept out, +closed the door ajar, and regained our bedroom, so delighted that we +danced with joy, as we talked about the look of the two cunts; of which, +after all, we had only had a most partial, rapid glimpse. +

+

+Lucy was a very plain girl, and was so as a woman. She had, I recollect, +a very red bloated looking face as she lay (it was so hot); she it was, +who in afterlife my mother cautioned about leaving her infant son to a +nursemaid. +

+

+Mary-Ann was lovely. I used afterwards to look and talk with her, +thinking to myself: "Ah! you have but little idea, that I have seen your +cunt." She was unfortunate; married a cavalry officer, went to India +with him, was left at a station unavoidably by her husband, who was sent +on a campaign, for a whole year; could not bear being deprived of cock, +and was caught in the act of fucking with a drummer boy, a mere lad. +She was separated from him, came back to England, and drank herself to +death. She was a salacious young woman, I think from what I recollect +of her, and am told, was afterwards fucked by a lot of men; but it was a +sore point with the family, and all about her was kept quiet. +

+

+One of Lucy's sons, in after years, I saw fucking a maid in a +summer-house: both standing up against a big table; I was on the roof. +Many years before that, I fucked a nurse-maid, she laying on that table, +in the very same summer-house, as I shall presently tell. +

+

+Fred and I used to discuss the look of his sisters' and mother's +cunts, as if they had belonged to strangers. The redness of the line +in Mary-Ann's quim astonished us. I do not recollect having even then, +formed any definite notion of what a girl's cunt was, though we had seen +the splits, but had still, and till much further on, the notion that the +hole was round, and close to where the clitoris is, having no idea then +of what a clitoris was, though we had got an Aristotle and used to read +it greedily; the glimpse of the two cunts were but momentary, and our +excitement confused our recollections. +

+

+Fred and I then formed a plot to look at another girl's cunt; who the +girl was, I don't know, it may have been another of Fred's sisters, or +a cousin by another of my aunts, but I think not; at all events she was +stopping in aunt's house, and from her height, which was less than that +of Fred and myself, I should think a girl of about eleven or twelve +years of age. I scrupulously avoid stating anything positively, unless +quite certain. Some years afterwards when we were very young men, we +did the same thing with a female cousin (but not his sister), as I shall +tell. +

+

+There was haymaking. We romped with the girl, buried each other in hay, +pulled each other out, and so on. I was buried in the hay and dragged +out by my legs by Fred and the girl. Then Fred was: then we buried the +girl, and as Fred pulled her out he threw up her clothes, I lay over her +head, which was covered with hay. Fred saw, winked and nodded. It came +to my turn again to be buried, and then hers; I laid hold of her legs +and pulling them from under the hay, saw her thighs, I pushed her knees +up, and had a glimpse of the slit, which was quite hairless. My aunt +and others were in the very field, but had no idea of the game we were +playing, the girl romping with us, had no idea, that we were looking at +her cunt, and an instantaneous peep only it was. +

+

+What effect sensuously, these glimpses of cunt, had on me, I don't know; +but have no recollection of sexual desire, nor of mine nor Fred's cock +being stiff. I expect that what with games, and our studies, that after +all the time we devoted to thinking about women, was not long, and +curiosity our sole motive in doing what we did. I clearly recollect our +talking at that time about fucking, and wondering if it were true or a +lie. We could repeat what we had read, and heard, but it still seemed +improbable to me that a cock should go up a cunt, and the result be a +child. +

+

+Then a passionate liking for females came over me; I fell in sort of +love with a lady who must have been forty, and had a sad feeling about +her, that is all I recollect. Then I began to follow servants about, +on the hope of seeing their legs, or seeing them piddle, or for some +undefined object: but that I was always looking after them, I know very +well. +

+

+Then (I know now) my father got into difficulties, we moved into a +smaller house, the governess went away, I was sent to another school, +one of my brothers and sisters died; my father went abroad to look after +some plantations, and after a year's absence came back and died, +leaving my mother, in what compared with our former condition, were poor +circumstances, but this in due course will be more fully told. +

+

+I think I went to school, though not long before what I am going to tell +of happened, but am not certain, if so, I must have seen boys frigging; +yet as far as I can arrange in my mind the order of events, I first saw +a boy doing that, in my own bed-room at home. +

+

+I was somewhere, I suppose, about thirteen years of age, when a distant +relative came from the country, to stay with us, until he was put to +some great school. He was the son of a clergyman, and must have been +fifteen, or perhaps sixteen years old, and was strongly pitted with the +small-pox. I had never seen him before, and took a strong dislike to +him; the family were poor, this boy was intended for a clergyman. I +was excessively annoyed, that he was to sleep with me, but in our small +house, there was just then no other place for him. +

+

+How many nights he slept in my bed, I don't recollect, it can have been +but few; One evening in bed he felt my prick; repulsing him at first, I +nevertheless afterwards felt his, and recollect our hands crossing each +other and our thighs being close together. Awaking one morning, I felt +his belly up against my rump, and his feeling or pushing his prick +against my arse, putting my hand back, I pushed him away; then I found +it pushing quickly backwards and forwards between my thighs, and his +hand, passed over my hips, was grasping my cock. Turning round, I faced +him; he asked me to turn round again, and said I might do it to him +afterwards, but nothing more was done. An unpleasant feeling about +sleeping with him is in my memory, but as said, I disliked him. +

+

+The next night undressing, he showed me his prick, stiff, as he sat +naked on a chair; it was an exceedingly long, but thin article; he told +me about frigging, and said he would frig me, if I would frig him. He +commenced moving his hand quickly up and down, on his prick, which got +stiffer and stiffer, he jerked up one leg, then the other, shut his eyes +and altogether looked so strange, that I thought he was going to have +a fit; then out spurted little pasty lumps, whilst he snorted, as some +people do in their sleep, and fell back in the chair with his eyes +closed; then I saw stuff running thinner over his knuckles. I was +strangely fascinated as I looked at him, and at what was on the carpet, +but half thought he was ill; he then told me it was great pleasure, and +was eloquent about it. Even now, as it did then, the evening seemed to +me a nasty unpleasant one, yet I let him get hold of my prick and frig +it, but had no sensation of pleasure, he said, "your skin won't come +off, what a funny prick;" that annoyed me, and I would not let him do +more; we talked till our candle burnt out; he stamped out the sperm on +the carpet, saying the servants would think we had been spitting. Then +we got into bed. +

+

+Afterwards he frigged himself several times before me, and at his +request I frigged him, wondering at the result, and amused, yet at the +same time much disgusted. When frigging him one day; he said it was +lovely to do it in an arse-hole, that he and his brother took it in +turns that way: it was lovely, heavenly! would I let him do it to me. +In my innocence I told him, it was impossible and that I thought him a +liar. He soon left us and went to college. I saw him once or twice after +this, in later years, but at a very early age he drowned himself. I told +my cousin Fred about this when I saw him; Fred believed in the frigging, +but thought him a liar about the arse-hole business, just as I did. This +was the first time I ever saw frigging and male semen, and it opened my +eyes. +

+

+Though now at a public school, I was shy, and reserved, but greedily +listened to all the lewed talk, of which I did not believe a great deal. +I became one of a group of boys of the same tastes as myself. One day +some of them coaxed me into a privy, and there, in spite of me, pulled +out my cock, threw me down, held me, and each one spat upon it, and +that initiated me into their society. They had what they called +cocks-all-round: anyone admitted to the set, was entitled to feel +the others' cocks. I felt theirs, but again to my mortification, the +tightness of my prepuce caused jeering at me; I was glad to hear that +there was another boy at the school in the same predicament, though I +never saw his. This confirmed me in avoiding my companions, when they +were playing at cocks-all-round; being a day scholar only, I was not +forced at all times into their intimacy, as I should have been had I +been a boarder. +

+

+We had a very large playground; beyond it were fields, orchards and +walks of large extent reserved for the use of the two head-masters' +families, many of whom were girls. On Saturday half-holidays only, if +the fruit was not ripe, we were allowed to range certain fields, and the +long bough-covered paths, which surrounded them. Two or three boys of +my set told me mysteriously one afternoon, that when the others had gone +ahead, we were to meet in the play-ground privy, in which were seats for +three boys of a row, and I was to be initiated into a secret without my +asking. I was surprised at what took place, there was usually an usher +in the play-ground in play-hours, and if boys were too long at the +privy, he went there, and made them come out. On the Saturdays, he went +out with the boys into the fields: there was no door to the privy, I +should add, it was a largish building. +

+

+One by one, from different directions, some dodging among trees which +bordered one side of the playground, appeared boys. I think there were +five or six together in the privy, then it was cocks-all-round, and +every boy frigged himself. I would not, at first. Why? I don't know. +At length incited, I tried, my cock would not stand, and vexed and +mortified, I withdrew, after swearing not to split on them, on pain of +being kicked and cut. I don't think I was one of the party again, though +I saw each of the same boys frig himself in the privy when alone with +me, at some time or another. +

+

+After this a boy asked me to come to a privy with him in school time, +and he would show me how to do it. Only two boys were allowed to go +to those closets at the same time, during school time. There were two +wooden legs with keys hung up on the wall by string: a boy if he wanted +to ease himself looked to see if a log and key was hanging up, and +if there was, stood out in the centre of the room; by that the master +understood what he wanted. If he nodded, the boy took the key and went +to the bog-house (no water-closets then), and when he returned, he +hung up the log in its place. Those privies were close together, and +separate, there were but two of them. +

+

+"You wait till there are two logs hanging up, and directly I get one, +you get up and come after me." Soon we were both in one privy together. +"Let's frig," said he; we were only allowed to be away five minutes. Out +he pulled his prick, then out I pulled mine; he tried to pull my skin +back, and could only half do it, he frigged himself successfully, but +I could not. He had a very small prick compared with mine. How I envied +him the ease with which he covered and uncovered the red tip. I frigged +that boy one day, but finding my cock was becoming a talk among our set, +I shrunk from going to their frigging parties, which I have seen even +take place in a field, boys sitting at the edge of a ditch, whilst one +stood up to watch if anyone approached. When they were frigging in the +privy, a boy always stood in the open door on the watch, and his time +for frigging came afterwards. +

+

+With this set I began to look through the Bible, and study all the +carnal passages; no book ever gave us perhaps such prolonged, studious, +baudy amusement; we could not understand much, but guessed a good deal. +

+

+Before I had seen anyone frig, I had been permitted to read novels, not +a moment of my time when not at studies was I without one. My father +used to select them for me at first, but soon left me to myself, and +now he was dead, I devoured what books I liked, hunting for the love +passages, thinking of the beauty of the women, reading over and over +again, the description of their charms, and envying their love meetings. +I used to stop at print-shop windows and gaze with delight at the +portraits of pretty women, and bought some at six pence each, and stuck +them into a scrap-book. Although a big fellow for my age, I would sit +on the lap of any woman who would let me, and kiss her. My mother in her +innocence called me a great girl, but she neverthless forbid it. I was +passionately fond of dancing and annoyed when they indicated a girl of +my own age, or younger, to dance with. +

+

+These feelings got intensified, when I thought of my aunt's backside, +and the cunts of my cousins, but when I thought of the heroines, it +seemed strange that such beautiful creatures should have any. The cunt +which seemed to have affected my imagination, was that of my aunt, which +appeared more like a great parting, or division of her body, than a cunt +as I then understood it; as if her buttock parting was continued round +towards her belly, and as unlike the young cunts I had seen as possible. +Those seemed to be but little indents. That the delicate ladies of the +novels should have such divisions seemed curious, ugly, and unromantic. +My sensuous temperament was developing, I saw females in all their +poetry and beauty, but suppose that my physical forces had not kept pace +with my brain, for I have no recollection of a cock-stand, when thinking +about ladies; and fucking never entered into my mind, either when I +read novels, or kissed women, though the pleasure I had when my lips met +theirs, or touched their smooth, soft cheeks was great. I recollect the +delight it gave me perfectly. +

+

+After having seen frigging, it set me reflecting, but it still seemed to +me impossible, that delicate, handsome ladies, should allow pricks to +be thrust up them, and nasty stuff ejected into them. I read Aristotle, +tried to understand it, and thought I did, with the help of much talk +with my schoolfellows; yet I only half believed it. Dogs fucking were +pointed out to me; then cocks treading hens, and at last a fuller belief +came. +

+

+I began then, I recollect, to think of their cunts when I kissed women, +and then of my aunt's; I could not keep my eyes off of her, for thinking +of her large backside and the gap between her thighs; it was the +same with my cousins. Then I began to have cock-stands and suppose a +pleasurable feeling about the machine, though I do not recollect that. I +then found out that servants were fair game, and soon there was not one +in the house whom I had not kissed. I had a soft voice and have heard, +an insinuating way, was timorous, feared repulse, and above all being +found out; yet I succeeded. Some of the servants must have liked it, +who called me a foolish boy at first; for they would stop with me on a +landing, or in a room, when we were alone, and let me kiss them for a +minute together. There was one, I recollect, who rubbed her lips into +mine, till I felt them on my teeth, but of what she was like, I have no +recollection, and I did not like her doing that to me. +

+

+My curiosity became stronger, I got bolder, told servants I meant to see +them wash themselves, and used to wait inside by bed-room, till I heard +one of them come up to dress. I knew the time each usually went to her +bedroom for that purpose, the person most in my way was the nurse: she +after a time left, and mother nursed her own children. "Let's see your +neck; do, there is a dear," I would say. "Nonsense, what next?" "Do, +dear, there is no harm; I only want to see as much as ladies show at +balls." I wheedled one to stand at the door in her petticoats and show +her neck across the bedroom lobby. The stays were high and queerly made +in those days, the chemises pulled over the top of them like flaps. One +or two let me kiss their necks, a girl one day said to my entreaties, +"Well, only for a minute," and easing up one breast, she showed me +the nipple, I threw my arms around her, buried my face in her neck and +kissed it. "I like the smell of your breast and flesh," said I. She was +a biggish woman, and I dare say I smelt breasts and armpits together; +but whatever the compound, it was delicious to me, it seemed to enervate +me. The same woman, when I kissed her on the sly afterwards, let me +put my nose down her neck to smell her. We were interrupted. "There is +someone coming," said she, moving away. +

+

+"What makes ladies smell so nice?" said I to my mother one day. My +mother put down her work and laughed to herself. "I don't know that they +smell nice." +

+

+"Yes, they do, and particularly when they have low dresses on." +"Ladies," said mother, "use patchouli and other perfumes." I supposed +so, but felt convinced from mother's manner, that I had asked a question +which embarrassed her. +

+

+I used to lean over the backs of the chairs of ladies, get my face as +near to their necks as I could, quietly inhale their odours, and talk +all the time. Not every woman smelt nice to me, and when they did, it +was not patchouli, for I got patchouli, which I liked, and perfumed +myself with it. This delicate sense of smell of a woman I have had +throughout life, it was ravishing to me afterwards, when I embraced the +naked body of a fresh, healthy young woman. +

+

+From about this time of my life, I recollect striking events much more +clearly, yet the circumstances which led up to them or succeeded them I +often cannot. One day, Miss Granger, our former governess, came to see +us. I kissed her. Mother said: "Wattie, you must not kiss ladies in that +way, you are too big." I sat Miss Granger on my lap in fun (my mother +then in the room), and romped with her. Mother left us in the room, and +then seating Miss Granger on my lap again, I pulled her closely to me. +"Kiss me, she's gone," I said. "Oh! what a boy," and she kissed me, +saying, "let me go now—your mamma is coming." It came into my mind that +I had had my hand up her clothes, and had felt hair between her legs. +My prick stiffening in thinking of a women. I clutched her hard, put +one hand on to her and did something I know not what. She said: "You are +rude, Wattie." Then I pinched her and said: "Oh! what a big bosom you +have." "Hish! hish!" said she. She was a tallish woman with brown hair; +I have heard my mother say she was about thirty years of age. +

+

+A memorable episode then occured. There were two sisters, with other +female servants, in our house. My father was abroad at that time; I was +growing so rapidly, that every month they could see a difference in my +height, but was very weak. My godfather used to look at me, and severely +ask if I was up to tricks with the boys. I guessed then what he meant, +but always said I did not know what he meant. "Yes, you do; yes, you +do," he would say, staring hard at me, "you take care, or you'll die in +a mad-house, if you do, and I shall know by your face, not a farthing +more will I give you." He had been a surgeon-major in the Army, and gave +me much pocket-money. I could not bear his looking at me so; he would +ask me why I turned down my eyes. +

+

+About this time, I had had a fever, had not been to school for a long +time, and used to lie on the sofa reading novels all day. Miss Granger +had come to stop with my mother. One day I put my hand up her clothes, +nearly to her knees; that offended her, and she left off kissing me. +One of my little sisters slept with her, in a room adjoining my mother's +room; I slept now on the servants floor, at the top of the house. Again +I recollect my cock standing when near Miss Granger, but recollect +nothing else. +

+

+I was then ordered by my mother to cease speaking to the servants, +excepting when I wanted anything, though I am sure my mother never +suspected my kissing one. I obeyed her hypocritically, and was even at +times reprimanded for speaking to them, in too imperious a tone. She +told me to speak to servants respectfully. For all that I was after +them, my curiosity was unsatiable, I know the time each went up to +dress, or for other purposes, and if at home, would get into the lobby, +or near the staircase, to see their legs, as they went upstairs. I would +listen at their door, trying to hear them piss, and began for the first +time to peep through keyholes at them. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER III. +

+
+     A big servant.—Two sisters.—Armpits.—A quiet feel.—
+     Baudy reveries.—Felt by a woman.—Erections.—My prepuce.—
+     Seeing and feeling.—Aunt and cousin.—A servant's thighs.—
+     Not man enough.
+
+

+A big servant, of whom I shall say much, had most of my attention; +she went to her room usually when my mother was taking a nap in the +afternoon; or when out with my sisters and brother. When I was ill in +bed, this big woman usually brought me beef-tea, I used to make her kiss +me, and felt so fond of her, would throw my arms around her, and hold +her to me, keeping my lips to hers, and saying how I should like to see +her breasts; to all which she replied in the softest voice, as if I were +a baby. I wonder now if my homage gave the big woman pleasure, or +my amatory pressures made her ever feel randy. She was engaged to be +married, but I only heard that at a later day, when my mother talked +about her; her sister was also with us, as already said. +

+

+The sister was handsome, according to my notions then (I now begin to +remember faces clearly); both had bright, clear complexions. I kissed +both, each used to say, "Don't tell my sister," and ask, "Have you +kissed my sister?" I was naturally cunning about women, and my mother +said, she must get rid of them. +

+

+The youngest was often dancing my little sister round in the room, then +swinging herself round, and making cheeses with her petticoats. As I got +better, I would lay on the rug with a pillow, and my back to the light +reading, and say it rested me better, to be on the floor, but in hope of +seeing her legs as she made cheeses. I often did, and have no doubt now +that she meant me to do so, for she would swing round, quite close to my +head, so that I could see to her knees, and make her petticoat's edge +as she squatted, just over my head, immediately snatching her petticoats +back and saying: "Oh! you'll see more than is good for you." +

+

+It used to excite me. One day as she did it, and squatted, I put out +my hand and pulled her clothes, she rolled on to her back, threw up +her legs quite high, and for a second I saw her thighs; she recovered +herself, laughing. "I saw your thighs," said I. "That you didn't." One +day she let me put my hand into her bosom; I sniffed. "What's there to +smell?" said she. I have some idea that she used to watch me closely, +when I was with her sister, as she was always looking after her, and +before she kissed me, would open the door suddenly or go out of the +room, and then return. I've seen the other sister just outside the door +of the room, when suddenly opened. +

+

+The big sister must have been five feet nine high, and large in +proportion; the impression on my mind, is that she was two and twenty: +that age dwells in my recollection, and that my mother remarked it. She +had brown hair and eyes, I recollect well the features of the woman. +Her lower lip was like a cherry, having a distinct cut down the middle, +caused she said by the bite of a parrot, which nearly severed her lip +when a girl. This feature I recollect more clearly than anything else. +My mother remarked that though so big, she was lighter in tread, than +anyone in the house, her voice was so soft, it was like a whisper or a +flute; her name was I think Betsy. +

+

+I had none of the dash, and determination towards females, which I had +in after life; was hesitating, fearful of being repulsed, or found +out, but was coaxing and wheedling. Betsy used to take charge of my two +little sisters (there was no regular nursery then), and used to sit with +them in a room adjoining our dining room; it had a settee, and a large +sofa in it, we usually breakfasted there. She waited also at table, and +did miscellaneous work. I am pretty certain that we had then no man in +the house. I used to lie down on the sofa in this room. One day I talked +with her about her lip, put my head up and said: "Do let me kiss it." +She put her lips to mine, and soon after if I was not kissing her +sister, I was kissing her regularly, when my mother was out of the way. +

+

+One day when she went up to her bed-room, I went softly after her, as +I often did, hoping to hear her piddling. Her door was ajar, one of +my little sisters was in the room with her, I expect I must have had +incipient randiness on me. She taught the child to walk up stairs in +front of her, holding her up, and in stooping to do so, I had glimpses +of her fat calves. At the door, I could not see her wash, that was done +at the other side of the room, but I heard the splash of water, and to +my delight, the pot moved, and her piddle rattle. The looking-glass was +near the window. Then she moved to the glass, and brushed her hair, her +gown off, and now I saw her legs, and most of her breast, which looked +to me enormous. +

+

+Then I noticed hair in her armpits; it must have been the first time I +noticed any thing of the sort, for I told a boy afterwards, that grown +women had hair under their armpits; he said every fool knew that. When +she had done brushing, she turned round, and passing the door, shut it: +she had not seen me. +

+

+I fell in love with this woman, an undefined want took possession of me, +I was always kissing her, and she returned it without hesitation. "Hush! +your mamma's coming"; then she would work, or do something with the +children if there, as demurely as possible. I declare positively as I +write this, that I believe I gave that woman a lewed pleasure in kissing +me, her kisses were so much like those I have had from women, I have +fucked in after years, so long, and soft, and squeezing. +

+

+One day, I was in the sitting-room laying on the sofa reading, she +sitting and working; where the children were, where my mother was, I +can't say: they must have been out, why this servant was in the room +with me alone, I don't know. On a table was something the doctor had +ordered me to sip, from time to time. "Come and sit near me, I like to +touch you, dear" (I used to say dear to her). She drew her chair to the +sofa, so that her thighs were near my head, she handed me my medicine, +I turned on one side, put my head on her lap, and then my hand on her +knee. "Kiss me." "I can't." I moved my head up and she bent forward and +kissed. "Keep your face to mine, I want to tell you something." Then +I told her I had seen her brushing her hair, her breasts, her armpits. +"Oh! you sly boy! you naughty boy! you must not do it again, will you?" +"Won't I, if I get the chance; put your head down, I've something more +to tell you." "What?" "I can't if you look at me; put your ear to my +mouth." +

+

+I was longing to tell her, and could not do it whilst she looked at me. +I recollect my bashfulness perfectly, and more than that, my fear of +saying what I wanted to say. +

+

+She bent her ear to my mouth. "I heard you piddle." "Oh! you naughty!" +and she burst into a quiet laugh. "I'll take care to shut the door in +future." I let my hand drop by the side of the sofa, laid hold of her +ankle, then the calve of her leg (without resistance); then up I slid +it gently, and gradually above her garter, and felt the flesh; she was +threading a needle. As I touched the thigh, she pressed both hands down +on to her thighs, barring further investigation. "Now, Wattie, you're +taking too much liberty, because I've let you feel my ankles." I whined, +I moaned. "Oh do dear, do, kiss me dear; only for a minute." I tried +very gently to push my hand (it was my left hand) further. "What do you +want?" "I want to feel it, oh! kiss me—let me,—do,—Betsy, do," and I +raised my head. +

+

+Sitting bent forward towards me as I lay, until she was nearly double, +she put her lips to mine and kissing me said: "What a rude, boy you are, +what do you expect to find?" "I know what it's called, and it's hairy, +isn't it, dear?" Her hands relaxed, she laughed, my left hand slid up, +until I felt the bottom of her belly. I could only twiddle my fingers +in the hair, could feel no split, or hole, was too excited to think, too +ignorant of the nature of the female article; but oh the intense delight +I felt at the touch of the warm thighs, and the hair, which now I knew +was outside the cunt, somewhere, I recollect my delight perfectly. +

+

+She kept on kissing me, saying in a whisper, "what a rude boy you are." +Then I whispered modestly, all I had read, told of the Aristotle I had +hidden in my cupboard, and she asked me to lend her the book. I touched +nothing but hair, her thighs must have been quite closed, and a big +stay-bone dug into my hand and hurt it, as I moved it about. I have felt +that obstacle to my enterprise in years later on, with other women. +

+

+Then came over me a voluptuous sensation, as if I was fainting with +pleasure, I seem to have a dream of her lips meeting mine, of her saying +oh! for shame I of the tips of my fingers entangling in hair, of the +warmth of the flesh of her thighs upon my hand, of a sense of moisture +on it, but I recollect nothing more distinctly. +

+

+Afterwards she seems to have absorbed me. I ceased speaking to her +sister, and could think of nothing but her neck, legs and the hair at +the bottom of her belly. I was several times in the same room with +her, and was permitted the same liberties, but no others. I lent +her Aristotle, which I had borrowed, and one day recollect my prick +stiffening, and a strange overwhelming, utterly indescribable feeling +coming over me, of my desire to say to her "cunt," and to make her feel +me, and at the same time a fear and a dread overtook me, that my cock +was not like other cocks, and that she might laugh at me. After that, I +used to pull the skin down violently every day, I bled, but succeeded; +it became slightly easier to do so, yet I have no recollection of having +a desire to fuck that woman, all that I recollect of my sensations I +have here described. +

+

+I was still ill, for there was brought me to my bed at nights, a cup of +arrowroot. My mother usually did this, but sometimes the big woman did, +I was so glad, when my mother did not. Then I would kiss her as if I +never wanted to part with her, put my hand out of bed, scramble it up +her clothes, till I could feel the hair. Then she would jut her bum +back, so that I could not touch more. One night my prick stood, "Take +the light outside," I said, "I've something to say to you." The door was +half open when she had complied; the gleam of the light struck across +the room, my bed was in the shade, "do let me feel you further, dear +and kiss me." "You naughty boy!" but we kissed. Again I felt her thighs, +belly and hair. "What good does it do you, doing that," she said. I took +hold of her hand, and put it under the bed-clothes on to my prick. She +bent over me, kissing and saying "naughty boy," but feeling the cock, +and all round it, how long, I can't say, "oh! I'd like to feel your +hole," I said. "Hish!" said she, going out of the room, and closing the +door. +

+

+She felt me several times afterwards. When my mother brought me the +arrowroot, she having an idea, that I liked her to do so, I would not +take it, saying it was too hot. She said, "I can't wait, Wattie, while +it cools." "Don't care, mamma, I don't want it." "But you must take it." +"Put it down then." "Well, don't go to sleep, and I'll send Betsy +up with it in a few minutes." Up Betsy would come, and quickly and +voluptuously kissing, keeping her lips on mine for two or three minutes +at a time, she would glide her hand down and feel my cock, whilst my +fingers were on her motte, her thighs closed, then she would glide out +of the room. I never got my hand between her thighs, I am sure. +

+

+I used to long to talk to her about all I had heard, but don't think I +ever did more than I have told, for I had a fear about using baudy words +to a woman, though I already used them freely enough among boys. +

+

+I used to talk only of her hole, my thing, of doing it, and so forth; +but what made her laugh was my calling it pudendum, a word I had got out +of Aristotle and my latin dictionary. In spite of all this, and of the +voluptuous sensations, which used to creep over me, I have no clear, +defined, recollection of wishing to fuck her, nor did I ever say +anything smutty, if I could see her face. +

+

+I got better. Then she refused either to feel me, or let me feel her, +on account of my boldness. One day, just at dusk, she was closing the +dining-room shutters, I went behind her, and after pulling her head back +to kiss me, stooped and pulled up her clothes to her waist; it exposed +her entire backside. Oh how white and huge it seemed to me. She moved +quickly round not hollowing out, but saying quietly: "What are you +doing? don't, now!" As she turned round, so did I, gloating over her +bum, then laid both hands on it, slid them round her thighs, and rapidly +kneeling down, put my lips on to the flesh, her petticoats fell over my +head. She dislodged me, saying she would never speak with me again. She +never either felt me, or permitted me, any liberties afterwards, and +soon left. One or two years after that, she came to see my mother with +her baby. She smiled at me. I don't recollect what became of her sister, +but think she soon left us also. +

+

+My physique could not then have been strong, nor my sexual organs in +finished condition, because I am sure that up to that time, I had +not had a spend; perhaps my growing fast and the fever, may have had +something to do with it. My father came home broken hearted I have +heard, and ill. Soon after we only kept two female servants, a man +outside the house, and a gardener. Father was ordered to the sea-side, +my mother went with him, taking the children and one servant (all went +by coach then). One of father's sisters, my aunt, a widow, came to take +charge of our new house, and brought her daughter, a fair, slim girl, +about 16 years old. +

+

+I remained at home, so as to go to school; the servant left in the house +was a pleasant, plump young woman, dark haired, and was always laughing; +she was to do all the work. My godfather who lived a mile or two away +from us, and whose maiden sister kept house for him, was to see me +frequently, and did so till I was sick of him. Every half-holiday, +he made me spend with him in walking, and riding; he insisted on my +boating, cricketting and keeping at athletic games, when not at my +studies. The old doctor I expect guessed my temperament, and thought by +thoroughly occupying, and fatiguing me, to prevent erotic thoughts. He +wanted me to stay at his house, but I refused, and it being a longer way +from my school, it was not persisted in. +

+

+My aunt slept in my parents bed-room, my cousin in the next room. I was +taken down, during my parents' absence, from the upper floor, to sleep +on the same floor as my aunt. They had not been in the house a week +before I had heard my cousin piddle, and stood listening outside her +bed-room door, night after night, in my bed-gown, trying to get a +glimpse of her charms through the key-hole, but was not successful. +

+

+I made up to the servant, beginning when she was kneeling, by putting +myself on her back. It made her laugh, she gave her back a buck up, and +threw me over; then I kissed her, and she kissed me. She and my aunt +quarrelled, my aunt was very poor and proud, and wanted a hot dinner at +seven o'clock, I my dinner in the middle of the day. The servant said +she could not do it all. The girl said quietly to me, "I'll cook for you, +don't you go without, let her do without anything hot at night." She did +not like her. My aunt said she was saucy and would write to my mother +and complain that she wasted her time with the gardener. Godfather then +renewed his offer for me to stay with him, but I would not, for I was +getting on very comfortably with the servant in kissing, and things +settled themselves somehow. I learnt the ways of my aunt, and tried to +get home when she was out, so as to be alone with the servant; but +to escape both aunt and godfather was difficult. I did so at times by +saying I was going out with the boys somewhere, on my half-holidays, or +something of the sort, but was rarely successful. +

+

+The servant went to her bed-room, one afternoon; with palpitating +heart I followed her, and pushed her on to the bed. She was a cheeky, +chaffing, woman, and I guess knew better than I did, what I was about. I +recollect her falling back on to the bed, and showing to her knees. "Oh +I what legs!" said I, "Nothing to be ashamed of," said she. Whatever my +wishes or intentions might have been, I went no further. My relations +were of course cut. +

+

+Another day we romped, and pelted each other with the pillows from her +bed, she stood on the landing, I half way down the stairs, and kept when +I could, my head just level with the top of the landing on which she +was, so that as she whisked backwards and forwards, picking up the +pillows to heave at me, I saw up to her knees. She knew what she was +about, though I thought myself very cunning to manage to get such +glimpses. On the landing I grappled with her for a pillow, and we rolled +on the floor. I got my hand up her clothes, to her thighs, and felt the +hair. "That's your thing," said I with a burst of courage. "Oh! oh!" she +laughed, "what did you say?" "Your thing!" "My thing! what's that?" "The +hole at the bottom of your belly," said I, ashamed at what I uttered. +"What do you mean? who told you that? I've no hole." It is strange but +a fact, that I had no courage to say any more, but left off playing, and +went down stairs. +

+

+On occasions afterwards, I played more roughly with her, and felt her +thighs; but fear prevented me from going further up. She gave me lots of +opportunities, which my timidity, prevented me from availing myself of. +One day she said: "you are not game for much, although you are so big," +and then kissed me long and furiously, but I never saw her wants, nor my +chances that I know of, though I see now plainly enough, that boy as I +was, she wanted me to mount her. +

+

+About that time,—how I got it, I know not,—I had a book describing the +diseases caused by sacrificing to Venus. The illustrations in the book, +of faces covered with scabs, blotches, and eruptions, took such hold +of my mind, that for twenty years afterwards, the fear was not quite +eradicated. I showed them to some friends, and we all got scared. I had +no definite idea of what syphilis, and gonorrhea were, but that both +were something awful, we all made up our minds. My godfather also used +to hint now to me about ailments men got, by acquaintance with loose, +bad, women; perhaps he put the book in my way. Frigging also was treated +of, and the terrible accounts of people dying through it, and being +put into straight waistcoats, etc., I have no doubt was useful to me. +Several of us boys were days in finding out what the book meant, by +masturbation, ononism, or whatever, the language may have been. We used +dictionaries and other books to help us, and at last one of the biggest +boys explained the meaning to us. +

+

+One evening my aunt being out (it was not I think any plan on my part), +I had something to eat, and then went into the kitchen, where the +servant was sitting at needle-work by candle-light. I talked, kissed, +coaxed her, began to pull up her clothes, and it ended in her running +round the kitchen, and my chasing her; both laughing, stopping at +intervals, to hear if my aunt knocked. "I'll go and lock the outer +gate," said she, "then your aunt must ring, if she comes up to the door, +she will hear us, for you make such a noise." She locked it and came +back again. +

+

+The kitchen was on the ground-floor, separated from the body of the +house by a short passage. I got her on to my knees, I was now a big +fellow, and though but a boy, my voice was changing, she chaffed me +about that; then my hand went up her petticoats, and she gave me such a +violent pinch on my cock (outside the clothes), that I yelled. Whenever +I was getting the better of her in our amatory struggles, she said "oh! +hush! there is your aunt knocking," and frightened me away, but at last +she was sitting on my knees, my hand touching her thighs, she feeling +my prick, she felt all round it and under. "You have no hair," she said. +That annoyed me, for I had just a little growing. Then how it came about +I don't recollect, but she consented to go into the parlor with me, +after we had sat together feeling each other for a time, if mine could +be called feeling, when my lingers only touched the top of the notch. +I took up the candle. "I won't go if you bring a light," said she, so I +put down the candle, and holding her by the arm, we walked through the +passage across the little hall, to the front parlour; she closed the +door, and we were in the dark. And now I only recollect generally what +took place, it seems as if it all could but have occupied a minute, or +two, though experience tells me it must have been longer. +

+

+We sat on a settee or sofa, she had hold of my prick, and I her cunt, +for she now sat with thighs quite wide open. It was my first real feel +of a woman, and she meant me to feel well. How large and hairy, and wet +it seemed; its size overwhelmed me with astonishment, I did not find the +hole, don't recollect feeling for that, am sure I never put my finger in +it, all seemed cunt below her belly, wet, and warm, and slippery. "Make +haste, your aunt will be in soon," said she softly, but I was engrossed +with the cunt, in twiddling it and feeling it in delighted wonder at +its size, and other qualities. "Your aunt will be in," and leaving off +feeling my cock, she laid half on, half off the settee. "No, no, not +so," I recollect the words, but what I was doing, know not; then I +was standing by her side, my cock stiff, and still feeling her cunt in +bewilderment. "I can't... stop..., get on to the sofa." I laid half over +her, my prick touched something—her cunt of course. Whether it went in +or not, God knows, I pushed, it felt smooth to my prick, then suddenly +came over me, a fear of some horrible disease, and I ceased whatever I +was doing. "Go on, go on," said she, moving her belly up. I could not, +said nothing, but sat down by her side, she rose up, "You're not man +enough," said she, laying hold of my prick. It was not stiff, I put my +hand down, and again the great size—as it seemed to me—of her cunt, +made me wonder. +

+

+What then she did with me, I know not, she may have frigged it, I think +she did, but can't say, a sense of disgrace had come over me, as she +said I was not man enough, disgrace mixed with fear of disease. "Let +me try," said I; again she laid back, I have a faint recollection of my +finger going in somewhere deep, again of my prick touching her thighs +and rubbing in something smooth, but nothing more. "You're not man +enough" said she again. A ring... "Hark! it's your aunt, go!" and it +was. +

+

+I went into the adjoining room, where my books were and a lamp, she went +to the street-door. My aunt and cousin came in, and went up to their +bed-rooms, I sat smelling my fingers; the full smell of cunt that I +had for the first time. I smelt and smelt almost out of my senses, sat +pouring over a book, seeming to read, but with my fingers to my nose and +thinking of cunt, its wonderful size and smell. Aunt came down. "Have +you got a cold, Wattie?" "No, aunt." "Your eyes look quite inflamed, +child." Soon after again, she said: "You have a cold." "No, aunt." "Why +are you sniffing so, and holding your hand to your mouth?" Suddenly +the fear of the pox came over me, I went up to the bedroom, soaped and +washed my prick, and had a terrible fear on me. +

+

+I was overwhelmed with a mixed feeling of pride, at having had my prick +either touch or go up a cunt, fear that I had caught disease, and shame +at not being man enough. Instinct told me, I had lost, in the eyes of +the woman; and my pride was hurt in a woeful manner. I tried to avoid +seeing her, instead of as before getting excitedly into a room, where +she was likely to be alone for a minute. I did that for three days, then +fear of disease vanished, and my hopes of feeling her cunt again, or of +poking—I don't know which—impelled me towards her. +

+

+During those three days, I washed my prick at every possible +opportunity, and thought of nothing else but the incident; all seemed to +me hurry, confusion, impossible, I wondered, and wonder still, whether +my prick went into her or not; but above all, the largeness of the cunt +filled me with wonder; for though I had had rapid glimpses of cunts as +told, and had now seen a few pictures of the long slit, I never could +realise that that was only the outside of the cunt, until I had had a +woman. My fingers had no doubt slipped over the surface of hers, +from clitoris to arse-hole; the space my hand covered filled me with +astonishment, as well as the smell it left on my fingers, I thought of +that more than anything else. This seems to me now laughable, but it was +a marvel to me then. +

+

+When I sneaked into the kitchen again, I was ashamed to look at her, and +left almost directly, but one day I felt her again, laughing she put her +hand outside my trousers, gave my doodle a gentle pinch and kissed me. +"Let's do it!" I said. "Lor! you ain't man enough," and again I slunk +away ashamed. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER IV. +

+
+     My first frig.—My godfather.—Meditations on copulation.—
+     Male and female aromas.—Maid and gardener.—My father
+     dies.—A wet dream.—Bilked by a whore.
+
+

+The frequency of my cock-stands, up to this time I don't know. +Voluptuous sensation, I have no clear recollection of; but no doubt +during that half swooning delight, which I had when big Betsy allowed me +to lay my head on her lap and feel her limbs, that impulse towards the +woman was accompanied by sensuous pleasure, though I don't recollect the +fact, but soon my manhood was to declare itself. +

+

+Some time after I had felt this servant's quim, I noticed a strong +smelling, whitish stuff inside my foreskin, making the underside of the +tip of the prick sore. At first I thought it disease, then pulling the +foreskin up, I made it into a sort of cup, dropped warm water into +it, and working it about, washed all round the nut, and let the randy +smelling infusion escape. This marked my need for a woman, I did not +know what the exudation was, it made me in a funk at first. One day I +had been toying with the girl, had a cockstand, and felt again my prick +sore, and was washing it with warm water, when it swelled up. I rubbed +it through my hand, which gave me unusual pleasure, then a voluptuous +sensation came over me quickly so thrilling and all pervading that I +shall never forget it. I sunk on to a chair, feeling my cock gently, the +next instant spunk jotted out in large drops, a full yard in front of +me, and a thinner liquid rolled over my knuckles. I had frigged myself, +without intending it. +

+

+Then came astonishment, mingled with disgust, I examined the viscid +gruelly fluid with the greatest curiosity, smelt it, and I think tasted +it. Then came fear of my godfather, and of being found out; for all +that, after wiping up my sperm from the floor, I went up to my bed-room, +and locking the door, frigged myself until I could do it no more from +exhaustion. +

+

+I wanted a confident and told two schoolfellows who were brothers, I +could not keep it to myself, and was indeed proud though ashamed to +speak of the pleasure. They both had bigger pricks than mine, and never +had jeered at me because I could not retract my prepuce easily. Soon +after they came to see me, we all went into the garden, each pulled +my prepuce back, I theirs, and then we all frigged ourselves in an +out-house. +

+

+Then I wrote to Fred, who was at a large public school, about my +frigging. He replied that some fellows at his school had been caught at +it, and flogged; that a big boy just going to Oxford had had a woman and +got the pox badly. He begged me to burn his letter, or throw it down the +shit-house directly I had read it, adding that he was in such a funk for +he had lost mine; and that I was never to write to him such things at +the school, because the master opened every day indiscriminately one or +two letters of the boys. He knew my mother was away and so did not mind +writing to me. When I heard that he had lost my letter, I also was in a +funk; the letter never was found. Whether the master got it, or sent it +to my godfather, or not, I can't say, but it is certain that just after +I had one night exhausted myself by masturbation, my godfather came to +see me. +

+

+He stared hard at me. "You look ill." "No, I'm not." "Yes, you are, look +me full in the face, you've been frigging yourself," said he just in so +many words. He had never used an improper word to me before. I denied +it. He raved out, "No denial, sir, no lies, you have sir; don't add +lying to your bestiality, you've been at that filthy trick, I can see +it in your face, you'll die in a mad-house, or of consumption, you shall +never have a farthing more pocket-money from me, and I won't buy your +commission, nor leave you any money at my death." I kept denying it, +brazening it out. "Hold your tongue, you young beast, or I'll write to +your mother." That reduced me to a sullen state, only at times perking +out: "I haven't!" He put on his hat angrily, and left me in a very +uncomfortable state of mind. +

+

+I knew that my father was not so well off as he had been, my mother +always impressed upon me not to offend my godfather, and now I had done +it. I wrote Fred all about it, he said the old beggar was a doctor, and +it was very unfortunate; he wondered if he really did see any signs in +my face, or whether it was a bounce; that I was not to be a fool, and +give in, and still say I hadn't, but had better leave off frigging. +

+

+From that time my godfather was always at my heels, he waited for me at +the schooldoor, spent my half-holidays with me, sat with me and my +aunt of an evening till bed-time, made me ride and drive out with him, +stopped giving me pocket-money altogether, and no one else did; so that +I was not very happy. +

+

+The pleasure of frigging, now I had tasted it (and not before), opened +my eyes more fully to the mystery of the sexes, I seemed at once to +understand why women and men got together, and yet was full of wonder +about it. Spunking seemed a nasty business, the smell of cunt an +extraordinary thing in a woman, whose odour generally to me was so +sweet and intoxicating. I read novels harder than ever, liked being near +females and to look at them more than ever, and whether young or old, +common or gentle, was always looking at them and thinking that they had +cunts which had a strong odour, and wondering if they had been fucked; I +used to stare at aunt and cousins, and wonder the same. It seemed to me +scarcely possible, that the sweet, well dressed, smooth-spoken ladies +who came to our house, could let men put the spunk up their cunts. Then +came the wonder if, and how, women spent; what pleasure they had in +fucking, and so on; in all ways was I wondering about copulation, the +oddity of the gruelly, close smelling sperm being ejected into the hole +between a woman's thighs so astonished me. I often thought the whole +business must be a dream of mine; then that there could be no doubt +about it. Among other doubts, was whether the servant's quim, which had +made by fingers smell, was diseased, or not. Fear of detection perhaps +kept me from frigging, but I was weak and growing fast, and have no +recollection of much desire, though mad to better understand a cunt. It +does not dwell in my mind now that I had a desire to fuck one, but to +see it, and above all, to smell it; the recollection of its aroma seems +to have had a strange effect on me. I did not like it much, yet yearned +to smell it again. Watching my opportunity one day, I managed to feel +the servant; it was dusk, she stood with her back up against the wall, +and felt my prick whilst I felt her; it was an affair of a second or +two, and again we were scared. I went to the sitting-room, and passed +the evening in smelling my fingers and looking at my cousin. This +occurred once again, and I think now, that the servant must just have +been on the point of letting me fuck her, for she had been feeling my +prick and in a jeering way saying, "You are not man enough if I let +you," I emboldened, blurted out that I had spent, I recollect her saying +"oh! you story," and then something put us to flight, I don't now +know what. I certainly was not up to my opportunities, that I see now +plainly. +

+

+I had a taste for chemistry, which served my purpose, as will be seen +further on, and used to experimentalize in what was called a washhouse, +just outside the kitchen, with my acids and alkalis; that enabled me to +slip into the kitchen on the sly, but the plan of the house rendered it +easy, for my aunt to come suddenly into the kitchen. +

+

+My bed-room window overlooked the kitchen yard, in which was this +wash-house, a knife-house and a servant's privy, etc., etc., the whole +surrounded by a wall, with a door in it, leading into the garden. Just +outside on the garden side, was a gardener's shed; the servant in the +morning, used to let the gardener in at the kitchen entrance; and he +passed through this kitchen yard into the garden. I was pissing in the +pot in my bedroom early one morning, and peeping through the blind, when +I saw the servant's head just coming out of the gardener's shed, she +passed through the kitchen yard into the kitchen in great haste, looking +up at the house, as if to see if anyone was at the windows. Then it +occurred to me, that if I got quite early to the kitchen, I could play +my little baudy tricks without fear, for my relatives never went down +till half-past eight to breakfast, whilst the servant went down at six. +

+

+The next morning, I went down early to the kitchen, did not see the +wench, and thinking she might be in the privy in the kitchen yard, +waited. The shutters were not down, after some minutes delay, in she +came; she started. "Hulloh! what are you up for?" I don't think I spoke, +but making a dash, got my hand up her clothes and on to her cunt. She +pushed me away, then caught hold of the hand with which I had touched +her cunt, and squeezed it hard with a rubbing motion, looking at me as I +recollected (but long afterwards), in a funny way. "Hish! hish! here is +the old woman," said she. "It is not." "I'm sure I heard the wires of +her bell," and sure enough there came a ring. Up I went without shoes, +like a shot to my bedroom, began to smell my fingers, found they were +sticky, and the smell not the same. I recollect thinking it strange that +her cunt should be so sticky, I had heard of dirty cunts,—it was a joke +among us boys, and thought hers must have been so, which was the cause, +that the smell and feel were different. +

+

+Two or three days afterwards my mother came to town by herself, there +was a row with the servant, I was told to leave the room; the servant +and gardener were both turned off that day and hour, a char-woman was +had in, a temporary gardener got, and my mother went back to my sick +father. Years passed away, and when I had greater experience and thought +of all this, concluded that my aunt had found the gardener and the +servant amusing themselves too freely, had had them dismissed, and that +the morning I found my fingers sticky, the girl had just come in from +fucking in the gardener's shed. +

+

+With all the opportunities I had, both with big Betsy and with this +woman, I was still virgin. +

+

+When I saw Fred next, he told me he had felt the cunt of one of their +servants. I told him partly what I had done, but kept to myself how I +had failed to poke when I had the opportunity, fearing his jeers; and +as I was obliged to name some woman, mentioned one of my godfather's +servants. He went there to try his chances of groping her as well, but +got his head slapped. We talked much about the smell of cunt, and he +told me that one day after he had felt their servant, he went into the +room where his sisters were, and said, "oh what a funny smell there is +on my fingers, what can it be, smell them." Two of his sisters smelt, +said they could not tell what it was, but it was not nice. Fred used to +say, that he thought they knew it was like the smell of a cunt, because +they colored up so. +

+

+I had noticed a strong smell on my prick, whenever the curdy exudation +had to be washed out. Fred's talk made me imitative, so I saturated my +fingers with the masculine essence one evening, and going to my female +cousin, "oh what a queer smell there is on my fingers," said I, "smell +them." The girl did. "It's nasty, you've got it from your chemicals," +said she. "I don't think I have, smell them again, I can't think what it +can be, what's it like?" "I don't think it's like anything I ever smelt, +but it is not so nasty, if you smell it close, it's like southern wood," +she replied. I wonder if that young lady when she married, ever smelt +it afterwards, and recognized it. I did this more than once, it gave +me great delight to think my slim cousin had smelt my prick, through +smelling my fingers; what innate lubricity comes out early in the male. +

+

+Misfortunes of all sort came upon us, the family came back to town, +another brother died, then my father who had been long ill, died, and +was found to be nearly bankrupt; then my godfather died, and left me +a fortune, all was trouble and change, but I only mention these family +matters briefly. +

+

+My physique still could not have been strong, for though more than ever +intensely romantic, and passionately fond of female society, I don't +recollect being much troubled with cock-standings, and think I should, +had I been so. My two intimate school-friends left off frigging, +the elder brother, who had a very long red nose, having come to the +conclusion with me, that frigging made people mad, and worse, prevented +them afterwards from fucking and having a family. Fred, my favorite +cousin, arrived at the same conclusion—by what mental process, we all +arrived at it, I don't know. +

+

+When I was approaching my sixteenth year, I awakened one night with a +voluptuous dream, and found my night-shirt saturated with semen, it was +my first wet-dream; that set me frigging again for a time, but I either +restrained myself, or did not naturally require much spending at that +time, for I certainly did not often do so. +

+

+But our talk was always about cunt and woman, I was always trying to +smell their flesh, look up their petticoats, watch to see them going +to piddle; and the wonder to me now is, that I did not frig myself +incessantly; and can only account for it on the grounds, that though my +imagination was very ripe, my body was not. The fact of hair under +the arms of women had a secret charm for me about that time. I don't +recollect thinking much about it before, though it had astonished me +when I first saw it; and why it came to my imagination so much now, do +not know, but it did. I have told of the woman under whose arms I first +saw hair. +

+

+One afternoon after my father's death, and that of my godfather, Fred +was with me, we went to the house of a friend, and were to return home +about nine o'clock. It was dark, we saw a woman standing by a wall. "She +is a whore," said Fred, "and will let us feel her if we pay her." "You +go and ask her." "No, you." "I don't like to." "How much money have you +got?" We ascertained what we had, and after a little hesitation, walked +on, passed her, then turned round and stopped. "What are you staring at, +kiddy," said the woman. I was timid, and walked away, Fred stopped with +her. "Wattie, come here," said he in a half whisper. I walked back. "How +much have you got?" the woman said. We both gave her money. "You'll let +us both feel?" said Fred. "Why of course, have you felt a woman before?" +Both of us said we had, feeling bolder. "Was it a woman about here?" +"No." "Did you both feel the same woman?" "No." "Give me another shilling +then, you shall both feel my cunt well, I've such a lot of hair on it." +We gave what he had, and then she walked off without letting us. "I'll +tell your mothers, if you come after me," she cried out. +

+

+We were sold; I was once sold again in a similar manner afterwards, when +by myself. +

+

+These are the principal baudy incidents of my early youth, which I +recollect, and have not told to friends; many other amusing incidents +told them, are omitted here, for the authorship would be disclosed, if +I did. One or two were peculiar and most amusing, yet I dare not narrate +them; but all show how soon sexual desires developed in me, and what +pleasure early in life even these gave me and others. +

+

+I now had arrived at the age of puberty, when male nature asserts itself +in the most timid, and finds means of getting its legitimate pleasure +with women. I did, and then my recollection of things became more +perfect, not only as to the consummations, but of what led to them; yet +nothing seems to me so remarkable as the way I recollect matters which +occurred when I was almost an infant. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER V. +

+
+     Our house.—Charlotte and brother Tom.—Kissing and
+     groping.—Both in rut.—My first fuck.—A virginity taken.—
+     At a baudy house.—In a privy.—Tribulations.—Charlotte
+     leaves.—My despair.
+
+

+After father's death, our circumstances were further reduced, at the +time I am going to speak of, we had come to a small house nearer London; +one sister went to boarding-school, an aunt (I had many) took another, +I went to a neighboring great school or college, as it was termed, my +little brother Tom was at home; but reference henceforth to members of +my family will be but slight, for they had but little to do with the +incidents of this private life, and unless they were part actors in it, +none will be mentioned. +

+

+Our house had on the ground-floor a dining-room, a drawing-room, and +a small room called the garden parlor, with steps leading into a large +garden. On the first floor my mother's bed-room and two others; above +were the servants' room, mine, and another much used as a lumber-room; +the kitchens were in the basement, beside them a long covered way led +to a servants' privy, and close to it a flight of stairs leading up into +the garden; at the top of the stairs was a garden-door leading into +the fore-court, on to which opened the street-door of the house. This +description of plan is needful to understand what follows. +

+

+I was about sixteen years old, tall, with slight whiskers and moustache, +altogether manly and looking seventeen or eighteen, yet my mother +thought me a mere child, and most innocent; she told our friends so. +I had developed without her having noticed it, love of women, and the +intensest desire to understand the secrets of their nature had taken +possession of me; the incessant talk of fucking with which the youths I +knew beguiled their leisure, the stories they told of having seen their +servants, or other girls half, or quite naked, the tricks by which they +managed this, the dodges they were up to, inflamed me, sharpened +my instinctive acuteness in such matters, and set me seeking every +opportunity to know women naked, and sexually. Frigging was now hateful +to me; I had never done so more than the times related, that is as far +as I now can recollect, frightened as said, by my godfather telling +me, that it sent men mad, and made them hateful to women. So although +boiling with sensuality, I was still all but a virgin, and actually so +in fucking. +

+

+A housemaid arrived just as I came home from college, the cook stood +at the door, she was a lovely woman about twenty-five or six years old, +fresh as a daisy, her name was Mary. The housemaid was in a cart, driven +by her father, a small market gardener living a few miles from us. I saw +a fresh, comely girl about seventeen years old in the fore-court, turned +round to look, she was getting down, the horse moved, she hesitated. +"Get down," said her father angrily. Down she stepped, her clothes +caught on the edge of the cart, or step, or somehow; and I saw rapidly +appear white stockings, garters, thighs, and a patch of dark hair +between them by her belly; it was instantaneous, and down the clothes +came, hiding all. I stood fascinated, knowing I had seen her cunt hair. +She, without any idea of having been exposed, helped down with her +box, I went into the parlor ashamed of having as I thought, been seen +looking. +

+

+I could thing of nothing else, and when she brought in tea, could not +take my eyes off her, it was the same at supper (we lead a simple life, +dining early and having supper). In the evening my mother remarked, +"that girl will do," I recollect feeling glad at heart. +

+

+I went to bed, thinking of what I had seen, and stared whenever I saw +her the next day, until by a sort of fascination, she used to stare at +me; in a day or two I fancied myself desperately in love with her, and +indeed was. I recollect now her features, as if I had only seen her +yesterday, and after the scores and scores of women I have fucked since, +recollect every circumstance attending my having her, as distinctly, as +if it only occurred last week; yet very many years have passed away. +

+

+She was a little over seventeen years, had ruddy lips, beautiful teeth, +darkish hair, hazel eyes, and a slightly turn-up nose, large shoulders +and breast, was plump, generally of fair height, and looked eighteen or +nineteen, her name was Charlotte. +

+

+I soon spoke to her kindly, by degrees became free in manner, at length +chucked her under her chin, pincher her arm, and used the familiarities +which nature teaches a man to use towards a woman. It was her business +to open the door, and help me off with my coat and boots if needful; one +day as she did so, her bum projecting upset me so, that as she rose from +stooping I caught and pinched her. All this was done with risk, for +my mother was then nearly always at home, and the house being small, a +noise was easily heard. +

+

+I was soon kissing her constantly. In a few days got a kiss in return, +that drove me wild, her cunt came constantly into my mind, all sorts +of wants, notions, and vague possibilities came across me; girls do let +fellows feel them I said to myself, I had already succeeded in that. +What if I tell that I have seen it outside? Will she tell my mother? +Will she let me feel her? What madness! Yet girls do let men, girls like +it so all my friends say. Wild with hopes and anticipations, coming in +doors one day, I caught her tightly in my arms, pulled her belly close +to mine, rubbed up against hers saying, "Charlotte, what would I +give, if you would..." it was all I dare say. Then I heard my mother's +bed-room door open, and I stopped. +

+

+Hugging and kissing a woman never stopped there, I told her I loved her, +which she said was nonsense. We now used regularly to kiss each other +when we got the chance; little by little I grasped her closer to me, put +my hands round her waist, then cunningly round to her bum, then my prick +used to stand and I was mad to say more to her, but had not the courage. +I knew not how to set to work, indeed scarce knew what my desires lead +me to hope, and think at that time, putting my hand on to her cunt, and +seeing it, was perhaps the utmost; fucking her seemed a hopelessly mad +idea, if I had the expectation of doing so at all very clearly. +

+

+I told a friend one or two years older than myself how matters stood, +carefully avoiding telling him who the girl was. His advice was short. +Tell her you have seen her cunt, and make a snatch up her petticoats +when no one is near; keep at it, and you will be sure to get a feel, and +some day, pull out your prick, say straight you want to fuck her, girls +like to see a prick, she will look, even if she turns her head away. +This advice he dinned into my ears continually, but for a long time, I +was not bold enough to put it into practice. +

+

+One day, my mother was out, the cook upstairs dressing, we had kissed +in the garden parlour, I put my hand round her bum, and sliding my face +over her shoulder half ashamed, said, "I wish my prick was against +your naked belly, instead of outside your clothes." She with an effort +disengaged herself, stood amazed, and said, "I never will speak to you +again." +

+

+I had committed myself, but went on, though in fear, prompted by love +or lust. My friend's advice was in my ears. "I saw your cunt as you got +down from your father's cart," said I, "look at my prick (pulling it +out), how stiff it is, it's longing to go into you, 'cock and cunt will +come together'." It was part of a smutty chorus the fellows sang at my +college; she stared, turned round, went out of the room, through the +garden, and down to the kitchen by the garden stairs, without uttering a +word. +

+

+The cook was at the top of the house, I went into the kitchen reckless, +and repeated all I had said. She threatened to call the cook. "She must +have seen your cunt, as well as me," said I; then she began to cry. Just +as I was begging pardon, my friend's advice again rang in my ears, I +stooped and swiftly ran both hands up her clothes, got one full on to +her bum, the other on her motte; she gave a loud scream, and I rushed +off upstairs in a fright. +

+

+The cook did not hear her, being up three pairs of stairs; down I went +again, and found Charlotte crying, told her again all I had seen in the +court yard, which made her cry more. She would ask the cook, and would +tell my mother—then hearing the cook coming downstairs, I cut off +through the passage up into the garden. +

+

+The ice was quite broken now, she could not avoid me, I promised not to +repeat what I had said and done, was forgiven, we kissed, and the same +day I broke my promise; this went on day after day, making promises and +breaking them, talking smuttily as well as I knew how, getting a slap on +my head, but no further, my chances were few. My friend, whom I made a +half confident of, was always taunting me with my want of success, and +boasting of what he would have done, had he had my opportunities. +

+

+My mother just at that time began to resume her former habits, leaving +the house frequently for walks and visits. One afternoon she being out +for the remainder of the day, I went home unexpectedly; the cook was +going out, I was to fetch my mother home in the evening; Charlotte laid +the dinner for me; we had the usual kissing, I was unusually bold and +smutty. Charlotte finding me not to be going out, seemed anxious. All +the dinner things had been taken away, when out went the cook, and there +were Charlotte, my little brother and I alone. It was her business to +sit with him in the garden parlor when mother was out, so as to be able +to open the street-door readily, as well as go into the garden if the +weather was fine. It was a fine day of Autumn, she went into the parlor +and was sitting on the huge old sofa, Tom playing on the floor, when I +sat myself down by her side; we kissed and toyed, and then with heart +beating, I began my talk and waited my opportunity. +

+

+The cook would be back in a few minutes, said she. I knew better, +having heard mother tell cook she need not be home until eight o'clock. +Although I knew this, I was fearful, but at length mustered courage to +sing my cock and cunt song. She was angry, but it was made up. She went +to give something to Tom, and stepping back put her foot on the lace of +one boot which was loose, sat down on the sofa and put up one leg over +the other, to relace it. I undertook to do it for her, saw her neat +ankle, and a bit of a white stocking. "Snatch at her cunt," rang in my +ears. I had never attempted it since the afternoon in the kitchen. +

+

+Lacing the boot, I managed to push the clothes up so as to see more of +the leg, but resting as the foot did on one knee, the clothes tightly +between, a snatch was useless: lust made me cunning, I praised the foot +(though I knew not at that time how vain some women are of their feet). +"What a nice ankle," I said putting my hand further on. She was off her +guard; with my left arm, I pushed her violently back on to the large +sofa, her foot came off her knee, at the same moment, my right hand went +up between her thighs, on to her cunt; I felt the slit, the hair, the +moisture. +

+

+She got up to a sitting posture, crying "you wretch, you beast, you +blackguard," but still I kept my fingers on the cunt; she closed her +legs, so as to shut my hand between her thighs, and keep it motionless, +and tried to push me off; but I clung round her. "Take your hand away," +said she, "or I will scream." "I shant!" Then followed two or three +loud, very loud screams. "No one can hear," said I, which brought her to +supplication. My friend's advice came again to me: pushing my right hand +still between her thighs, with my left I pulled out my prick, as stiff +as a poker. She could not do otherwise than see it; and then I drew my +left hand round her neck, pulled her hand to me, and covered it with +kisses. +

+

+She tried to get up and nearly dislodged my right hand, but I pushed her +back, and got my hand still further on to the cunt. I never thought +of pressing, under towards the bum, was in fact too ignorant of female +anatomy to do it, but managed to get one of the lips with the hair +between my fingers, and pinch it; then dropped on to my knees in front +of her, and remained kneeling, preventing her getting back further on +the sofa, as well as I could by holding her waist, or her clothes. +

+

+There was a pause from our struggles, then more entreaties, then more +attempts to get my right hand away; suddenly she put out one hand, +seized me by the hair of my head, and pushed me backwards by it. I +thought my skull was coming off, but kept my hold and pinched or pulled +the cunt lip till she yelled and called me a brute. I told her I would +hurt her as much as I could, if she hurt me; so that game she gave up; +the pain of pulling my hair made me savage, and more determined and +brutal, than before. +

+

+We went on struggling at intervals, I kneeling with prick out, she +crying, begging me to desist; I entreating her to let me see and feel +her cunt, using all the persuasion, and all the baudy talk I could, +little Tom sitting on the floor playing contentedly. I must have been +half an hour on my knees, which became so painful, that I could scarcely +bear it; we were both panting, I was sweating; an experienced man would +perhaps have had her then; I was a boy inexperienced, and without her +consent almost in words, would not have thought of attempting it; the +novelty, the voluptuousness of my game was perhaps sufficient delight to +me; at last I became conscious that my fingers on her cunt were getting +wet; telling her so, she became furious and burst into such a flood +of tears, that it alarmed me. It was impossible to remain on my knees +longer, in rising, I knew I should be obliged to take my hand from her +cunt, so withdrawing my left hand from her waist, I put it also suddenly +up her clothes, and round her bum, and lifted them up, showing both +her thighs, whilst I attempted to rise. She got up at the same instant, +pushing down her clothes, I fell over on one side,—my knees were so +stiff and painful—and she rushed out of the room upstairs. +

+

+It was getting dusk, I sat on the sofa in a state of pleasure, smelling +my fingers. Tom began to howl, she came down and took him up to pacify +him, I followed her down to the kitchen, she called me an insolent +boy (an awful taunt to me then), threatened to tell my mother, to give +notice and leave, and left the kitchen, followed by me about the house; +talking baudily, +

+

+telling her how I liked the smell of my fingers, attempting to put my +hand up her clothes, sometimes succeeding, pulling out my ballocks, and +never ceasing until the cook came home, having been at this game for +hours. In a sudden funk, I begged Charlotte to tell my mother, that I +had only come home just before the cook, and had got to be unwell; she +replying she would tell my mother the truth, and nothing else. I was in +my bed-room before cook was let in. +

+

+Mother came home later, I was in a fright having laid in bed cooling +down, and thinking of possible consequences; heard the street-door +knocker, got out of bed, and in my night-shirt went half way downstairs +listening. To my relief, I heard Charlotte in answer to my mother's +enquiry, say I had come home about an hour before, and had gone to bed +unwell. My mother came to my room, saying how sorry she was. +

+

+For a few days I was in fear, but it gradually wore off, as I found she +had not told; our kissing recommenced, my boldness increased, my talk +ran now freely on her legs, her bum, and her cunt, she ceased to notice +it, beyond saying she hated such talk, and at length she smiled in spite +of herself. Our kissing grew more fervid, she resisted improper action +of my hand, but we used to stand with our lips close together for +minutes at a time, when we got the chance, I holding her to me as close +as wax. One day cook was upstairs, mother in her bed-room, I pushed +Charlotte up against the wall in the kitchen, and pulled up her clothes, +scarcely with resistance; just then my mother rang, I skipped up into +the garden, and got into the parlour that way, soon heard my mother +calling to me to fetch water, Charlotte was in hysterics at the foot +of the stairs—after that, she frequently had hysterics, till a certain +event occurred. +

+

+My chances were chiefly on Saturdays, a day I did not go to college; +soon I was to cease going there, and was to prepare for the army. +

+

+I came home one day, when I knew Charlotte would be alone—the cook was +upstairs—I got her on to the sofa in the garden parlour, knelt and +put my hands between her thighs, with less resistance than before, she +struggled slightly but made no noise. She kissed me as she asked me to +take away my hand; I could move it more easily on her quim, which I did +not fail to do; she was wonderfully quiet. Suddenly I became conscious +that she was looking me full in the face, with a peculiar expression, +her eyes very wide open, then shutting them. "Oho—oho," she said with +a prolonged sigh, "do—oh take away—oh—your hand, Walter dear,—oh I +shall be ill,—oho,—oho," then her head dropped down over my shoulder +as I knelt in front of her; at the same moment, her thighs seemed to +open slightly, then shut, then with a quivering, shuddering motion, as +it then seemed to me, and then she was quite quiet. +

+

+I pushed my hand further in, or rather on, for although I thought I had +it up the cunt, I really was only between the lips—I know that now. +With a sudden start she rose up, pushed me off, snatched up Tom from the +floor, and rushed upstairs. My fingers were quite wet. For two or three +days afterwards, she avoided my eyes and looked bashful, I could not +make it out, and it was only months afterwards, that I knew, that the +movement of my fingers on her clitoris had made her spend. Without +knowing indeed then that such a thing was possible, I had frigged her. +

+

+Although for about three months, I had been thus deliciously amusing +myself, anxious to feel, and see her cunt, and though I had at last +asked her to let me fuck her; I really don't think I had any definite +expectation of doing it to her. I guessed now at its mutual pleasures, +and so forth, yet my doing it to her appeared beyond me; but urged on by +my love for the girl—for I did love her—as well as by sexual instinct, +I determined to try. I also was quickened by my college friend, who had +seen Charlotte at our house and not knowing it was the girl I had spoken +to him about, said to me, "What a nice girl that maid of yours is, I +mean to get over her, I shall wait for her after church next Sunday, she +sits in your pew I know." I asked him some questions,—his opinion was +that most girls would let a young fellow fuck them, if pressed and that +she would (this youth was but about eighteen years old), and I left him +fearing what he said was true, hating and jealous of him to excess. He +set me thinking, why should not I do it if he could, and if what he said +about girls was true,—so I determined to try it on, and by luck did so +earlier than I expected. +

+

+About one hour's walk from us, was the town house of an aunt, the +richest of our family, and one of my mother's sisters. She alone now +supplied me with what money I had, my mother gave me next to nothing. +I went to see aunt, who asked me to tell my mother, to come and spend +a day with her, the next week, and named the day. I forgot this until +three days afterwards, when hearing my mother tell the cook, she could +go out for a whole holiday! I said, that my aunt particularly wished +to see mother on that day. My mother scolded me for not having told her +sooner, but wrote and arranged to go, forgetting the cook's holiday. +To my intense joy, on that day she took brother Tom with her, saying to +Charlotte, "You will have nothing to think of, but the house, shut it +up early, and do not be frightened." I was as usual to fetch my mother +home. +

+

+In what an agitated state I passed that morning at school, and in the +afternoon went home, trembling at my intentions. Charlotte's eyes opened +with astonishment at seeing me. Was I not going to fetch my mother? +I was not going till night. There was no food in the house, and I had +better go to my aunt's for dinner. I knew there was cold meat, and made +her lay the cloth in the kitchen. To make sure, I asked if cook was +out,—yes, she was, but would be home soon. I knew that she stopped +out till ten o'clock on her holidays. The girl was agitated with some +undefined idea of what might take place, we kissed and hugged, but she +did not like even that, I saw. +

+

+I restrained myself whilst eating, she sat quietly beside me; when I had +finished she began to remove the things, the food gave me courage, her +moving about stimulated me, I began to feel her breasts, then got my +hands on to her thighs, we had the usual struggles, but it seems to me +as I now think of it, that her resistance was less, and that she prayed +me to desist more lovingly than was usual. We had toyed for an hour, +she had let a dish fall and smashed it, the baker rang, she took in the +bread, and declared she would not shut the door unless I promised to +leave off. I promised, and so soon as she had closed it, pulled her +into the garden parlour, having been thinking when in the kitchen, how +I could get her upstairs. Down tumbled the bread on the floor, on to the +sofa, I pushed her, and after a struggle she was sitting down, I kissing +her, one arm round her waist, one hand between her thighs, close up to +her cunt. Then I told her I wanted to fuck her, said all in favour of it +I knew, half ashamed, half frightened as I said it. She said she did not +know what I meant, resisted less and less as I tried to pull her back on +the sofa, when another ring came: it was the milkman. +

+

+I was obliged to let her go, and she ran down stairs with the milk. I +followed, she went out, and slammed the door which led to the garden, +in my face; for the instant, I thought she was going to the privy, but +opened and followed on; she ran up the steps, into the garden, through +the garden parlor, and upstairs to her bed-room just opposite to mine, +closed and locked the door in my face, I begged her to let me in. +

+

+She said she would not come out, till she heard the knocker or bell +ring; there was no one called usually after the milkman, so my game was +up, but nothing makes man or woman so crafty as lust. In half an hour +or so, in anger, I said I should go to my aunt's, went downstairs, moved +noisily about, opened and slammed the street-door violently, as if I had +gone out, then pulled off my boots, and crept quietly up to my bed-room. +

+

+There I sat expectantly a long time, had almost given up hope, began to +think about consequences if she told my mother, when I heard the door +softly open and she came to the edge of the stairs. "Wattie!" she said +loudly, "Wattie!" much louder, "he has," said she in a subdued tone to +herself, as much as to say that worry is over. I opened my door, she +gave a loud shriek and retreated to her room, I close to her; in a few +minutes more, hugging, kissing, begging, threatening, I know not how; +she was partly on the bed, her clothes up in a heap, I on her with my +prick in my hand, I saw the hair, I felt the slit, and not knowing then +where the hole was or much about it, excepting that it was between her +legs, shoved my prick there with all my might. "Oh! you hurt, I shall be +ill," said she, "pray don't." Had she said she was dying, I should not +have stopped. The next instant a delirium of my senses came, my prick +throbbing and as if hot lead was jetting from it, at each throb; +pleasure mingled with light pain in it, and my whole frame quivering +with emotion; my sperm left me for a virgin cunt, but fell outside it, +though on to it. +

+

+How long I was quiet I don't know; probably but a short time; for a +first pleasure does not tranquillize at that age; I became conscious +that she was pushing me off of her, and rose up, she with me, to a +half-sitting posture; she began to laugh, then to cry, and fell back in +hysterics, as I had seen her before. +

+

+I had seen my mother attend to her in those fits, but little did I then +know, that sexual excitement causes them in women, and that probably in +her I had been the cause. I got brandy and water, and made her drink a +lot, helping myself at the same time, for I was frightened, and made her +lay on the bed. Then ill as she was, frightened as I was, I yet took +the opportunity her partial insensibility gave me, lifted her clothes +quietly, and saw her cunt and spunk on it. Roused by that, she pushed +her clothes half down feebly and got to the side of the bed. I loving, +begging pardon, kissing her, told her of my pleasure, and asked about +hers, all in snatches, for I thought I had done her. Not a word could I +get, but she looked me in the face beseechingly, begging me to go. I had +no such intention, my prick was again stiffened, I pulled it out, the +sight of her cunt had stimulated me, she looked with languid eyes at me, +her cap was off, her hair hanging about her head, her dress torn near +her breast. +

+

+More so than she had ever looked, was she beautiful to me, success +made me bold, on I went insisting, she seemed too weak to withstand me. +"Don't, oh pray, don't," was all she said as pushing her well on the +bed, I threw myself on her, and again put my doodle on to the slit now +wet with my sperm. I was though cooler, stiff as a poker, but my sperm +was not so ready to flow, as it was in after days, at a second poke, for +I was very young; but nature did all for me; my prick went to the proper +channel, there stopped by something it battered furiously. "Oh, you +hurt, oh!" she cried aloud. The next instant something seemed to tighten +round its knob, another furious thrust,—another,—a sharp cry of pain +(resistance was gone), and my prick was buried up her, I felt that it +was done, and that before I had spent outside of her. I looked at her, +she was quiet, her cunt seemed to close on my prick, I put my hand down, +and felt round. What rapture to find my machine buried; nothing but the +balls to be touched, and her cunt hair wetted with my sperm, mingling +and clinging to mine; in another minute nature urged a crisis, and I +spent in a virgin cunt, my prick virgin also. Thus ended my first fuck. +

+

+My prick was still up her, when we heard a loud knock; both started up +in terror, I was speechless. "My God; it is your mamma!" Another loud +knock. What a relief, it was the postman. To rush downstairs, and open +the door was the work of a minute. "I thought you were all out," said he +angrily, "I have knocked three times." "We were in the garden," said I. +He looked queerly at me and said, "With your boots off!" and grinning +went away. I went up again, found her sitting on the side of the bed, +and there we sat together. I told her what the postman had said, she +was sure he would tell her mistress. For a short time, there never was +a couple who had just fucked, in more of a foolish funk than we were; +I have often thought of our not hearing the thundering knocks of a +postman, whilst we were fucking, though the bed-room door was wide +open; what engrossing work it is so to deafen people. Then after +unsuccessfully struggling to see her cunt, and kissing, and feeling each +others' genitals, and talking of our doings and our sensations for an +hour, we fucked again. +

+

+It was getting dark, which brought us to reason, we both helped to +remake the bed, went downstairs, shut the shutters, lighted the fire +which was out, and got lights. I then having nothing to do, began +thinking of my doodle which was sticking to my shirt, and pulling it +out to see its condition, found my shirt covered with sperm smears, and +spots of blood, my prick was dreadfully sore. I said to her that she had +been bleeding, she begged me to go out of the kitchen for a minute, I +did, and almost directly she came out, and passed me saying, she must +change her things before the cook came home. She would not let me stay +in the room whilst she did it, nor did I see her chemise, though I had +followed her upstairs; then the idea flashed across me that I had taken +a virginity; that had never occurred to me before. She got hot water +to wash herself. I did not know what to do with my shirt; we arranged +I should wash it before I went to bed. We thought it best to say, I had +not been home at all, and that I should go and fetch my mother. After +much kissing, hugging, and tears on her part, off I went, hatching an +excuse for not having fetched mother earlier, and we came home with Tom +in my aunt's carriage I recollect. +

+

+Before going to bed, I ordered hot water for a footbath. How we looked +at each other as I ordered it. I washed my shirt as well as I could, and +looked sadly at my sore prick, I could not pull the skin back, so much +as usual, it was torn, raw, and slightly bleeding. +

+

+Awake nearly all night, thinking of my pleasure and proud of my success; +I rose early, and looking at my shirt, found stains still visible, and +that I had so mucked it in washing, that an infant could have guessed +what I had been doing. I knew that my mother who now did household +duties herself, selected the things for the laundress; and in despair +hit on a plan: I filled the chamber-pot with piss and soap-suds, making +it as dirty as I could, put it near a chair and my shirt hanging over it +carelessly, so as to look as if it had dropped into the pot by accident; +left it there, and put on a clean shirt. After breakfast my mother who +usually helped to make my bed, and her own as well, called out to me; up +I went with my heart in my mouth, to hear her say, she hoped I would +be a little more careful, and remember that we had no longer my poor +father's purse. "Look," said she, "a disgraceful state you left your +shirt in, I am ashamed to have it sent to the laundress, have been +obliged to tell the housemaid to partly wash it first, you are getting +very careless." Charlotte afterwards told me, that when mother gave her +the shirt to rough wash, she felt as if she should faint. +

+

+I need not repeat about my prepuce, which as said I could now pull down +with a little less difficulty. Lacerated and painful over night, it was +much more swollen and sore the next morning, when I pissed it smarted, +the thinking and smarting made me randy: risking all, whilst my mother +was actually in the adjoining room, the poor girl in horrid fear and +looking shockingly ill, I thrust my hand up her clothes and on to her +split. She whispered, "What a wretch you are!" I went to college, came +back at three o'clock, thinking always on the same subject; my prick got +worse, I took it into my head, that Charlotte had given me some disease, +and was in a dreadful state of mind. I washed it with warm water, and +greased it, having eased it thus a little, got the skin down, then could +not get it back again, it got stiff; as it did so sexual pleasures came +into my mind, and worse got the pain. I greased it more, my pain grew +less, I touched the tip with my finger, it gave a throb of pleasure, I +went on without meaning, almost without knowing, the pleasure came and +spunk shot out. I had frigged myself unintentionally again. +

+

+I watched my penis shrink, its tension lessen, its high colour go, then +came the feeling of disgust at myself that I have always felt after +frigging, a disgust not quite absent even when done by the little +hands of fair friends, to whose quims I was paying similar delicate +attentions. I was able to pull up the skin again, but the soreness got +worse, I told the poor girl that my prick was very sore, and that I +thought it strange. It did not wound her feelings, for she did not know +my suspicions. The next morning being no better, I with much hesitation +told a college friend, he looked at my prick, and thought it either clap +or pox. Frightened to go to our own doctor, I at his advice went to a +chemist, who did a little business in such matters; we dealt there, but +my friend assured me that the man never opened his mouth to any one, if +youths consulted him, and many he knew had. +

+

+With quaking I said to the chemist, that I had something the matter with +my thing. "What?" said he. "I don't know." "Let me see it." I began +to beg him not to mention it to my mother, or anyone. "Don't waste my +time," said he, "show it to me, if you want my advice." Out I pulled it +as small as could be, but still with the skin over it. "Have you been +with a woman?" said he. "Yes." He looked at my shirt, there was no +discharge, then he laid hold of my prick with both hands, and with force +pulled the skin right down, I howled. He told me there was nothing the +matter with me, that the skin was too tight, that a snip would set me to +rights, and advised me soon to have it done, saying, "it will save you +trouble and money if you do, and add to your pleasure." I declined. +"Another day then." "No." He laughed and said, "Well, time will cure +you, if you go on as you have began," gave me a lotion, and in three +days I was pretty right: warm water I expect would have had the same +effect. I had simply torn the skin in taking the virginity. +

+

+Of course I wanted Charlotte again, she seemed in no way to help me, and +used to cry, still there was a wonderful difference between then, and +before the happy consummation: she tried to prevent my hands going up her +petticoats, but once up objections ceased, and my hands would rove +about on the outside and inside of all, we stood and kissed at every +opportunity. "When shall we do it again?" she replied "Never!" for she +was sure it would bring punishment on us both. +

+

+I neglected my studies absolutely; all I thought about was her, and how +to get at her, it must have been a week or more before I did. Ready for +any risk, that day my mother was out, I came home, had the early dinner; +the cook after that always went up to dress, or as she said, clean +herself, and there she always was an hour. Waiting till I heard her go +up, I went into the garden parlour, where as usual Charlotte was with +my little brother. Going at her directly, I was refused, but now how +different, once she would not rest until my hand was altogether away +from her. Now I begged and besought her, with my hand up her clothes, +my fingers on her quim. No—if we had not been found out before, we were +fortunate, but never, never, would she do it again; was I mad? did I +wish to ruin her? was not the cook upstairs? might she not come down, +whilst we did it? how light the room was (the sun was coming in). +I dropped the blinde, her resistance grew less, as her cunt felt my +twiddling. "No—now no—oh what a plague you are; hush! it is the cook." +I open the door, listen, there is no one stirring. "What will she think +if she finds you here?" "What does it matter; now do—let me,—I'll bolt +the door, if she comes I will get under the sofa, you say you don't know +how it got bolted." Such was my innocent device, but it sufficed, +for both were hot in lust. I bolted it. My prick is out, I pull her +reluctant hand on to it, my hands are groping now, but too impatient for +dallying, I push her down on the sofa—that dear cunt. "Don't hurt me so +much again, oh don't push so hard." Oh! what delight! in a minute we are +spending, together this time. +

+

+I unlock the door, go back to the dining-room, she strolls out into the +garden, cook speaks to her out of the window. "Where is master Wattie?" +"In the dining-room I suppose." Soon out I stroll into the garden, +play with Tommy of course, she can scarcely look me in the face, she is +blushing like a rose. "Was it not lovely, Charlotte, is not your thing +wet?" In she rushes with Tom, soon I follow, cook is still upstairs. +"Come, be quick." Again the bolt, again we fuck, she walks off into the +garden with Tommy, and her cunt full, and cook and she chat from the +window. How we laughed about it afterwards. +

+

+Modesty retired after this, we gave way to our inclinations, she +refusing but always letting me if we got a chance! We were still green +and timid, at the end of three weeks we only had done it a dozen times +or so, always with the cook in the house, always with fear. I was +longing for complete enjoyment of all my senses, had never yet seen +her cunt, except for a minute at a time, was mad for "the naked limb +entwined with limb," and all I had read of in amatory poetry. I had +gained years in boldness and manhood, and although nervous, began to +practice what I had heard. +

+

+I heard of accommodation houses, where people could have bed-rooms and +no questions were asked; and found one not far from my aunt's, although +she lived in the best quarter of London. Just before Charlotte's day +out, I went to my aunt, complained of my mother's meanness, and she gave +me a sovereign. On my way home, I loitered a full hour in the street +with the baudy house, marked it so as to know it in the day, and saw +couples go in, as my knowing friend who had told said I should. The next +day instead of going to college, and risking discovery, I waited till +Charlotte joined me, took a hackney coach to the street, and +telling Charlotte it was a tavern walked to the door with her, to my +astonishment it was closed. Disconcerted I nearly turned back, but rang +the bell. Charlotte said she would not go in. The door opened, a woman +said, "Why did you not push the door?" Oh! the shame I felt as I went +into that baudy house with Charlotte; the woman seemed to hesitate, or +so I fancied, before she gave us a room. +

+

+It was a gentleman's house, although the room cost but five shillings: +red curtains, looking-glasses, wax lights, clean linen, a huge chair, a +large bed, and a cheval-glass, large enough for the biggest couple to +be reflected in, were all there. I examined all with the greatest +curiosity, but my curiosity was greater for other things, of all the +delicious voluptuous recollections, that day stands among the brightest; +for the first time in my life I saw all a womans' charms, and exposed my +own manhood to one; both of us knew but little of the opposite sex. With +difficulty I got her to undress to her chemise, then with but my shirt +on, how I revelled in her nakedness, feeling from her neck to her +ankles, lingering with my fingers in every crack and cranny of her body; +from armpits to cunt, all was new to me. With what fierce eyes after +modest struggles, and objections to prevent, and I had forced open her +reluctant thighs, did I gloat on her cunt; wondering at its hairy outer +covering and lips, its red inner flaps, at the hole so closed up, and +so much lower down and hidden, then I thought it to be; soon at its look +and feel, impatience got the better of me; hurredly I covered it with +my body and shed my sperm in it. Then with what curiosity I paddled my +fingers in it afterwards, again to stiffen, thrust, wriggle, and spend. +All this I recollect as if it occurred but yesterday, I shall recollect +it to the last day of my life, for it was a honey-moon of novelty, years +afterwards I often thought of it when fucking other women. +

+

+We fell asleep, and must have been in the room some hours, when we +awakened about 3 o'clock. We had eaten nothing that day, and both were +hungry; she objected to wash before me, or to piddle; how charming it +was to overcome that needless modesty, what a treat to me to see that +simple operation. We dressed and left, went to a quietish public-house, +and had some simple food and beer, which set me up, I was ready to do +all over again, and so was she. We went back to the house and again +to bed, the woman smiled when she saw us, the feeling, looking, +tittillating, baudy inciting and kissing recommenced. With what +pleasure she felt and handled my prick, nor did she make objection to +my investigations into her privates, though saying she would not let me. +Her thighs opened, showing the red-lipped, hairy slit, I kissed it, she +kissed my cock, nature taught us both what to do. Again we fucked, +I found it a longish operation, and when I tried later again, was +surprised to find that it would not stiffen for more than a minute, and +an insertion failed. I found out that day that there were limits to +my powers. Both tired out, our day's pleasure over, we rose and took a +hackney coach towards home, I went in first, she a quarter of an hour +afterwards, and everything passed off as I could have wished. +

+

+From that day lust seized us both; we laid our plans to have each other +frequently, but it was difficult: my mother was mostly at home, the +cook nearly always at home if mother was out; but quite twice a week we +managed to copulate, and sometimes oftener. We arranged signals. If when +she opened the door, she gave a shake of the head, I knew mother was +in; if she smiled and pointed down with her fingers, mother was out, +but cook downstairs; if it pointed up, cook was upstairs; in the latter +case, to go into the garden parlour and fuck, all this was done off +hand. If cook was known to be going out, Charlotte told me beforehand, +and if mother was to be out, I got home, letting college and tutors +go to the devil. Then there was lip kissing, cunt kissing, feeling and +looking, tickling and rubbing each others articles, all the preliminary +delights of copulation, and but one danger in the way: my little brother +could talk in a broken way, we used to give him some favorite toy, and +put him on the floor, whilst we indulged voluptuously. On the sofa one +day, I had just spent in her, when I felt a little hand tickling between +our bellies, and Tommy who had tottered up to us said, "Don'ty hurt +Lotty, der's a good Wattie." We settled that Tom was too young to notice +or recollect, what he saw, but I now think differently. +

+

+Winter was coming on, she used to be sent to a circulating library +to fetch books, the shop was some distance off, a few houses, long +garden-walls and hedges were on the road. I used to keep out, or go +out just before she went, and we fucked up against the walls. I took +to going to church in the evening also, to the intense delight of my +mother, but it was to fuck on the road home. One day hot in lust, we +fucked standing on the lobby near my bed-room, my mother being in the +room below, the cook in the kitchen. We got bold, reckless, and whenever +we met alone, if only for an instant, we felt each others genitals. +

+

+At last we found the servant's privy one of the best places. I have +described its situation near to a flight of steps, at the end of a +covered passage, which could be seen from one point only in the garden; +down there, anyone standing was out of sight. If all was clear I used +to ring the parlour bell, ask for something, and make a sign; when she +thought it safe, there she would go, I into the garden, to where I could +see into the passage by the side of the garden stairs. If I saw her, +or heard "ahem," down I went into the privy, and was up her cunt in a +second, standing against the wall, and shoving to get our spent over, as +if my life depended on it; this was uncomfortable, but it had its charm. +We left off doing it in the privy, being nearly caught one day there. +

+

+We thought cook was upstairs mother was out, I was fucking her, when the +cook knocked saying, "make haste Charlotte, I want to come." We had just +spent, she was so frightened I thought she was fainting, but she +managed to say "I cannot." "Do," said cook, "I am ill." "So am I," said +Charlotte. Said cook, "I can sit on the little seat." "Go to misses's +closet, she's out." Off cook went, out we came, and never fucked in that +place again; one day I did her on the kitchen table, and several times +on the dining-room table. +

+

+We in fact did it everywhere else, and often enough for my health, for I +was young, weak and growing, and it was the same with her. The risks we +ran were awful, but we loved each other with all our souls. Both young, +both new at the work, both liking it, it was rarely we got more than +just time to get our fucking over, and clothes arranged before we had to +separate, for her to get to her duties. Many times I have seen her about +the house, cunt full and with the heightened colour, and brilliant +eyes, of a woman who had just been satisfied. I used to feel pleasure +in knowing she was bringing in the dinner, or tea, with my spunk in her +cunt; not having had the opportunity to wash, or piddle it out. +

+

+When she had another holiday, we went to the baudy house, and stayed so +long in it, that we had a scare; just asleep, we heard a knocking at the +door. My first idea was that my mother had found me out, and although I +ruled her in one way, I way in great subjection to her, from not having +any money. She thought her father was after her. What a relief it was +to hear a voice say: "Shall you be long sir, we want the room." I was +having too much accommodation for my money. That night we walked home, +for I had no money for a coach, and barely enough to get us a glass +of beer and a biscuit; we were famished and fucked out, my mother had +refused to give me money, and another aunt whom I had asked, said I was +asking too often, and refused also. +

+

+Although we went to this baudy house, I always felt as if I was going +to be hanged when I did, and it was with difficulty I could make her +go; she called it a bad house, and it cost money. Something then occured +which helped me, penniless as I was. +

+

+At the extreme end of our village were a few little houses, one stood +with its side entrance up a road only partially formed, and without +thoroughfare; its owner was a pew-opener, her daughter a dressmaker, who +worked for servants and such like; they cut out things for servants, who +in those days largely made their own dresses. Charlotte had things made +there. At a fair held every year near us of which I shall have to tell +more, my fast friend, who had put me up to so much, and whom I forgot +to say tried to get hold of Charlotte, I saw with the dressmaker's +daughter. Said he, talking to me next day, "She is jolly ugly, but she's +good enough for a feel, I felt her cunt last night, and think she has +been fucked (he thought that of every girl), her mother's a rum old gal +too, she will let you meet a girl at her cottage, not whores, you know, +but if they are respectable." "Is it a baudy house?" I asked. "Oh no, +it's quite respectable, but if you walk in with a lady, she leaves you +in the room together, and when you come out, if you just give her half +a crown, she drops a curtesy, just as she does when she opens +the pew-doors and anyone gives her six pence, but she is quite +respectable—the clergyman goes to see her sometimes." +

+

+Charlotte asked to go out to a dressmaker, I met her as if by chance at +the door, the old pew-opener asked if I would like to walk in and wait. +I did. Charlotte came in after she had arranged about her dress. There +was a sofa in the room, and she was soon on it; we left together, I +have two or three shillings (money went much further then), and the +pew-opener said, "You can always wait here when your young lady comes to +see my daughter." +

+

+When we went a second time, she asked me if I went to St. Mary's Chapel +(her Chapel). We went to her house in the day that time. When going away +she said, "Perhaps you wont mind always going out first, for neighbours +are so ill-natured." The old woman was really a pew-opener, her daughter +really a dressmaker, but she was glad to earn a few shillings, by +letting her house be used for assignations of a quiet sort; she would +not have let gay women in, from what I heard. +

+

+She had lived for years in the parish, and was thought respectable. She +had not much use of her house in that way, wealthy people going to town +for their frolics,—town only being an hour's journey—and no gay women +being in the village that I know of. +

+

+At this house, I spent Charlotte's third holiday with her, in a +comfortable bed-room. We stopped from eleven in the morning, till nine +at night, having mutton chops and ale, and being as jolly as we +could be. We did nothing the whole day long, but look at each other's +privates, kiss, fuck and sleep outside the bed. It was there she +expressed curiosity about male emissions. I told her how the sperm +spurted out, then discussing women's, she told me of the pleasure I +had given her when fingering her in the manner described already; we +completed our explanations by my frigging myself to show her, and then +my doing the same to her with my finger. I bungled at that, and think I +hear her now saying, "No, just where you were is nicest." "Does it give +you pleasure?" "Oh yes, but I don't like it that way, oh!—oh!—I am +doing it—oh!" I had no money that day, Charlotte had her wages, and +paid for everything, giving me her money to do so. +

+

+One day we laughed at having nearly been caught fucking in the privy. +"She must have a big bum, must Mary," said I, "to sit on that little +seat at the privy." Said Charlotte, "She is a big woman, twice as big +as me, her bottom would cover the whole seat." This set us talking about +the cook, and as what I then heard affected me much at a future day, I +will tell all Charlotte said as nearly as I can recollect. +

+

+"Of course I have seen her naked bit by bit—when two women are together +they can't help it, why should they mind—if you sit down to pee, you +show your legs, and if you put on your stockings you show your thighs, +then we both wash down to our waists, and if you slip off your chemise +or night-gown you show yourself all over. Mary's beautiful from head to +foot, one morning in the summer, we sleeping in the same bed, were +very hot. I got out to pee, we had kicked all the clothes off, Mary was +laying on her back with night-clothes above her waist fast asleep, +I could not help looking at her thighs, which were so large and +white—white as snow." "Had she much hair on her cunt?" said I. "What's +that to you?" said she laughing, but went on: "Oh! twice as much as I +have, and of a light brown." "I suppose her cunt is bigger than yours?" +said I reflectively. "Well, perhaps it is," said Charlotte, "she is a +much bigger woman than me, what do you think?" I inclined to the opinion +it must be, but had no experience to guide me; on the whole we agreed +that it was likely to be bigger. +

+

+"Then," said she, "I suppose some men have smaller things than yours?" +I told her that as far as I knew they varied slightly, but only had +knowledge of youthful pricks, and could not be certain whether they +varied much when full grown or not. We went on about Mary. "I know I +should like to be such a big, fine woman." "But" said I, "I don't like +light hair, I like dark hair on a cunt, light hair can't look well, I +should think." "I like her," said Charlotte, "she is a nice woman, but +often dull, she has no relatives in London, never says anything about +them or herself, she used to have letters, and then often cried, she has +none now; the other night she took me in her arms, gave me a squeeze +and said, 'Oh! if you were a nice young man now', then laughed and +said, 'perhaps we would put our things together and make babies.' I was +frightened to say anything, for fear she would find out I knew to much; +I think she has been crossed in love." +

+

+I was twiddling Charlotte's quim as I was never tired of doing, +something in the sensation I suppose reminded her, for laughing she went +on: "You know what you did to me the other night." "What?" said I not +recollecting. "You know, with your finger." "Oh! frig." "Yes, well Mary +does that; I was awake one night, and was quite quiet, when I heard Mary +breathing hard, and felt her elbow go jog, jog, just touching my side, +then she gave a sigh, and all was quiet. I went to sleep, and have +only just thought of it." She had heard or felt this jog from the cook +before, so we both concluded, that she frigged herself, Charlotte knew +what frigging was. +

+

+"Do you recollect your mamma's birthday?" said Charlotte, "she sent us +down a bottle of sherry, the gardener was to have some, but did not; +so we were both a little fuddled when we went to bed. When Mary was +undressed she pulled up her clothes to her hips, and looking at herself +said, 'my legs are twice as big as yours.' Then we made a bet on it and +measured; she lost, but her thigh was half as big again round as mine; +then she thew herself on her back and cocked up her legs, opening them +for a minute. I said 'Lor, Mary, what ever are you doing?' 'Ah I' said +she, 'women's legs were made to open', and there it ended. I never heard +her before say or do anything improper, she is most particular." If +Charlotte had been older or wiser, she would not have extolled the naked +beauties of a fellow servant to her lover, for the description of the +big bum, white thighs and hairy belly bottom, the jog, jog, of the +elbow, and all the other particulars sunk deep into my mind. +

+

+We fucked more than ever, recklessly—it is a wonder we were not found +out, for one evening, it being dark, I fucked her in the forecourt, +outside our street-door; but troubles were coming. +

+

+Her father wrote to know why she had not been home at her holidays, she +got an extra holiday to go and pacify him; then we had a fright because +her courses stopped, but they came on all right again. One of my sisters +came home, and diminished our opportunities, still we managed to fuck +somehow, most of the times they were uprighters. The next holiday she +went home by coach (the only way), I met her on the return, and we +fucked up against the garden wall of our house. A month slipped away, +again we spent her holiday at the pew-opener's; no man and woman could +have liked each other more, or more enjoyed each other's bodies, without +thinking of the rest of the world. I disguised nothing from her, +she told me all she knew of herself, the liking she took for me, her +pleasure yet fear and shame when first I felt her cunt, the shock of +delight and confusion when on my twiddling it, she had spent; how she +made up her mind to run out of the house when the milkman came, the +hysterical faint when I first laid my prick between her slit and spent, +the sensation of relief when I had not done, an instinct told her I +should, in spending outside, the sort of feeling of "poor fellow, he +wants me, he may do as he likes," which she had; I told my sensations. +All these we told each other over and over again, and never tired of the +conversation; we were an innocent, reckless, randy couple. +

+

+We had satisfied our lusts in simple variety, but I, never put my +tongue in her mouth, nor do I know that I had heard of that form of +lovemaking—but more of that hereafter. I did her on her belly, and +some-thing incited me to do it to her dog fashion, but it was never +repeated; we examined as said each others appendages, but once +satisfied, having seen mine get from flaccid to stiff, the piddle +issue, the spunk squirt, she never wanted to see it again, and could +not understand my insatiable curiosity about hers. She knew I think less +than most girls of her age about the males, having never I recollect +nursed male children, and I don't think she had brothers. +

+

+How is it that scarcely any woman will let you willingly look at her +cunt after fucking, till it is washed; most say it is beastly, gay or +quiet, it is the same. Is it more beastly to have it spurted up, to +turn and go to sleep with the spunk oosing on to a thigh, or an hour +afterwards to let a man paddle in what has not dried? They don't +mind that, but won't let you look at it after your operations, +willingly—why? +

+

+A modest girl lays quietly after fucking, and does not wash till you are +away. A young girl who has let you see her cunt and take her virginity, +won't wash it at all, until you point out the necessity. A gay woman +often tries to shove back her bum just as you spend, gets the discharge +near the outlet, uncunts you quickly and at once washes and pisses at +the same time. A quiet young girl wipes her cunt on the outside only. +A working man's wife does the same. I have fucked several, and not one +washed before me. I incline to the opinion that poor women rarely wash +their cunts inside, their piddle does all the washing. "What's the good +of washing it?" said a poor, but not a gay girl to me, "it's always +clean, and feels just the same an hour afterwards, whether washed +or not." Is the unwashed cunt less healthy than one often soaped and +syringed? I doubt it. An old roue said to me he would not give a damn +to fuck a cunt at night, which has been washed since the morning. +

+

+About sexual matters each of us knew about as much as the other, and +we had much to learn. A girl however in the sphere of life of Charlotte +usually knows more about a man's sex, than a youth of the same age does +of a woman's; they have nursed children, and know what a cock is; a girl +is never thought too young to nurse a male child, no one would trust a +boy after ten years of age to nurse a female child; but she had never +nursed. From Charlotte I had my first knowledge of menstruation, and of +other mysteries of her sex. Ah! that menstruation was a wonder to me, it +was marvellous, but all was really a wonder to me then. +

+

+After Christmas my sister went back to school, our chances seemed +improving, we spent another holiday at the pew-opener's. I had got +money, and we were indiscreet enough to go to see some wax-works. Next +day her father came to see her; he ordered her to tell where she had +been. She refused, he got angry, and made such a noise, that mother +rang to know what it was. He asked to see her, apologized, and said his +daughter had been out several holidays, without his knowing where she +had been. My mother said it was very improper, and that he ought. A +friend was with us in the room, and I sat there reading and trembling. +My mother remarked to the lady, "I hope that girl is not going wrong, +she is very good looking." Mother asked me to go out of the room, then +had Charlotte up, and lectured her; afterwards Charlotte told me for the +first time, that her father was annoyed because she would not marry a +young man. +

+

+A young man had called at our house several times to see her; she saw +him once and evaded doing so afterwards. He was the son of a well-to-do +baker, a few miles from Charlotte's home, and wished to marry her; his +father was not expected to live, and the young man said he would marry +her directly the father died. Her mother was mad at her refusing such +a chance. Charlotte showed me his letters, which then came, and we +arranged together the replies. +

+

+She went home, and came back with eyes swollen with crying, some one +had written anonymously, to say she had been seen at the wax-works with +a young man, evidently of position above her, and had been seen walking +with a young man. The mother threatened to have a doctor examine her +to see if she had been doing anything wrong, no one seemed to have +suspected me; her father would have her home, her mother had had +suspicion of her for some time, "The sooner you marry young Brown the +better, he will have a good business, and keeps a horse and chaise, +you will never have such a chance again, and it will prevent you going +wrong, even if you have not already gone wrong," said her mother. +

+

+It was a rainy night, I had met her on her return, and we both stood an +hour under an umbrella, talking and crying, she saying, "I knew I should +be ruined; if I marry he will find me out, if I don't they will lead me +such a life; oh! what shall I do!" We fucked twice in the rain against +a wall, putting down the umbrella to do it. Afterwards we met at the +dressmaker's, talked over our misery and cried, and fucked, and cried +again. Then it was nothing but worry, she crying at her future, I +wondering if I should be found out; still with all our misery, we never +failed to fuck if there was a clear five minutes before us. Then her +mother wrote to say that old Brown was dead, and her father meant to +take her away directly; she refused, the father came, saw my mother, and +settled the affair by taking back Charlotte's box of clothes. I had not +a farthing; at her age a father had absolute control, and nothing short +of running away would have been of use. We talked of drowning ourselves, +or of her taking work in the fields. I projected things equally absurd +for myself. It ended in her agreeing to go home,—she could not help +that,—but refusing to marry. +

+

+Charlotte wrote me almost directly after her return. My mother had +reserved the right of opening my letters, although she had ceased to do +so. That morning seeing she had one addressed to me, in fear I snatched +it out of her hand. She insisted on having it back, I refused, and we +had a row. "How dare you sir? give it me." "I won't, you shant open my +letter." "I will, a boy like you!" "I am not a boy, I am a man, if you +ever open a letter of mine, I will go for a common soldier, instead of +being an officer." "I will tell your guardian." "I mean to tell him how +shamefully short of money I am, uncle says it's a shame, so does aunt." +my mother sunk down in tears, it was my first rebellion; she spoke to +my guardian, never touched my letters again, and gave me five times +the money I used to have; but to make sure, I had letters enclosed to a +friend, and fetched them. +

+

+Charlotte was not allowed to go out alone, and was harassed in every +way; for all that, I managed to meet her at a local school, one Saturday +afternoon when it was empty; some friendly teacher let her in, and she +let me in. We fucked on a hard form, in a nearly dark room, about the +most difficult poke I ever had, it was a ridiculous posture. But our +meeting was full of tears, despondency, and dread of being with child. +She told me I had ruined her, even fucking did not cheer her. A week or +so afterwards, having no money, I walked all the way to try to see +her, and failed. Afterwards in her letters, she begged me never to tell +anyone about what had passed between us. Her father sent her away to his +brother's, where she was to help as a servant; for somehow it had got +wind that she had met some one at the school-house. There she fell ill +and was sent home again. Then she wrote that she should marry, or have +no peace, wished I was older, and then she could marry me; she did not +write much common sense, although it did not strike me so then. She was +coming to London to buy things, would say she would call on my mother on +the road, but would meet me instead. How she humbugged the young woman +who came to town with her, I don't know, but we met at the baudy house, +cried nearly the whole time, but fucked for all that till my cock would +stand no longer; then vowing to see each other after she was married, we +parted. +

+

+She married soon, my mother told me of it; she lived twelve miles +from us, and did not write to me. I went there one day, but although +I lingered long near their shop, I never saw her. I did that a second +time, she saw me looking in, and staggered into a back room. I dared +not go in for fear of injuring her. Afterwards came a letter not signed, +breathing love, but praying me not to injure her, as might be if I was +seen near her house. Money, distance, time was all against me; I felt +all was over, took to frigging, which, added to my vexation, made me +ill. What the doctor thought I don't know, he said I was suffering +from nervous exhaustion, asked my mother if I was steady, and kept good +hours. My mother said I was the quietest, and best of sons, as innocent +as a child, and that I was suffering from severe study—she had long +thought I should; the fact being that for four months I had scarcely +looked at a book, excepting when she was near me, and had when not +thinking of Charlotte, spent my time in writing baudy words, and +sketching cunts and pricks with pen and ink. +

+

+Thus I lost my virginity, and took one, thus ended my first love or +lust; which will you call it? I call it love, for I was fond of the +girl, and she of me. Some might call it a seduction, but thinking of it +after this lapse of years, I do not. It was only the natural result of +two people being thrown together, both young, full of hot blood, and +eager to gratify their sexual curiosity; there was no blame to either, +we were made to do it, and did but illustrate the truth of the old song, +"Cock and cunt will come together, check them as you may," and point to +the wisdom, of never leaving a young male and female alone together, if +they were not wanted to copulate. +

+

+In all respects we were as much like man and wife as circumstances would +let us be. We poked and poked, whenever we got a chance; we divided our +money, if I had none, she spent her wages; when I had it, I paid for her +boots and clothes—a present in the usually sense of the term I never +gave her; our sexual pleasures were of the simplest, the old fashioned +way was what we followed, and altogether it was a natural, virtuous, +wholesome, connection, but the world will not agree with me on that +point. +

+

+One thing strikes me as remarkable now: the audacity with which I went +to a baudy house; all the rest seems to have began, and followed as +naturally as possible. What a lovely recollection it is! nothing in my +career since is so lovely as our life then was; scarce a trace of what +may be called lasciviousness was in it, had the priest blest it by the +bands of matrimony, it would have been called the chaste pleasure of +love and affection—as the priest had nothing to do with it, it will +be called I suppose beastly immorality. I have often wondered if her +husband found out that she was not a virgin, and if not whether it was +owing to some skill of hers, or to his ignorance; I heard afterwards +that they lived happily. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER VI. +

+
+     Mary the cook.—A bloody nose and broken piss-pot.—An
+     involuntary spend.—A feel and a poke.—A new sensation.—At
+     a baudy house.—Mary's history.—She leaves.
+
+

+As the certainty that all was finished between us came to me, I +got better, my grief moderated, my prick expected occupation, I was +horrified at having frigged myself, and ceased doing it. Then naturally +I looked at the servants. The new housemaid was ugly as sin, so I turned +to Mary the cook. I was then about seventeen years old. +

+

+She was now I think twenty-six or eight years old, big, stout, but as it +seemed to me then, symmetrical; she had exquisite teeth, blue eyes, and a +fine complexion—so fine that my mother remarked it. She was quiet in +a remarkable degree, and treated me as a boy. Nine months before this +I should as soon have dared to think of fucking my aunt, but experience +had altered me. I thought of the light hair on her cunt, and of all I +could not see, which Charlotte had innocently described to me; and the +conclusions we had arrived at, that she frigged herself. Then I thought +that after all, old as she was, and young as I was, she might like +Charlotte, let me do her. I had once kissed her when Charlotte was with +us, and she had taken it as if she was letting a child kiss her; I now +tried it again, and got a quiet kiss in return; it was done with the air +and manner of "There, there, you troublesome boy," which mortified me +much. +

+

+I had now special tutors at home, and was at home when I liked, yet +my chances with the cook were fewer than they had been with Charlotte, +owing to her occupations. I was studying elementary chemistry, and when +making some experiments in the garden parlour, burnt a table cover. My +mother angry, said I had better experiment in the back kitchen again, so +under that pretence, I managed to be downstairs frequently. +

+

+I used to watch Mary, slipping out into the outside passage leading +to the servant's privy, and take pleasure in the idea of her piddling +there. One day, I watched her coming back, she gave her clothes a tuck +between her legs, and I knew it was to dry her cunt; opened the door +just as she did it, she knew that I saw the action by my grin, and her +face turned scarlet. I kissed her that day, asked her timidly if she had +dried it properly that morning. "Dried what?" said she innocently. "What +I saw you drying when you came from the closet." She turned away without +saying a word. +

+

+A day or two after as she went upstairs to the parlour, I stopped, saw +her legs, and told her she had jolly fat legs. She wished I would go +upstairs, for I was in the way with my chemicals, and after that ceased +talking to me. But it was difficult to avoid me, I got rude, would tuck +my coat between my legs, laugh and make believe to stoop down to see her +ankles, but she took no notice. Begging her to kiss me one day; she gave +me two or three at once saying, "There now, go on with your chemicals," +in such a motherly way, that it mortified me excessively; making me feel +the difference in our ages, as a barrier to my hopes. +

+

+But if discouraged one day, I got courage the next; impelled by a +cock-stand, and my mother being out, I said, "Should I not like to see +your legs." For a wonder she answered, "Look at your own." "Oh!" I +replied, "they are not the same, you have got a slit between them, I have +got something hanging, and ready to put into the slit." "I wish you +would go upstairs," said she, "you are always down here now." Then she +told mother I was in her way,—I promised only to go to the back kitchen +when it suited the cook, but did not keep my word. +

+

+She was alone one evening, I went home and downstairs, kissed and +fondled, and would not be repulsed. At some time every woman is more +yielding than at others, they always are if randy. Getting my courage up +I said I wished she would let me feel her thing, then said, "Let me do +you," in a whisper. It was quite dusk down there when I said it. She +was speechless for a full minute, whilst I kept repeating my demand. At +length she replied, "How dare a boy like you, speak like that to a woman +like me." "I—am not a boy," said I in anger; "I have had many women, I +know all about a woman's pleasure, I know where your thing is; I know +why you tuck your hand outside your clothes after you have piddled." +Then she pushed me out of the kitchen, but I thought she smiled. +

+

+Our family habits were much as they had been, but the weather getting +finer, mother often took both Tom and the housemaid with her out for a +walk; but not until the cook had dressed herself after our early dinner. +Unless she took the housemaid out, I was worse off than ever. Yet my +chances came. +

+

+Cook one day was alone in the kitchen darning a stocking; it was +cold—the beginning of March—her feet were on the old fashioned iron +fender, I sat myself down on the fender, and we talked, I laid my hand +on her lap, and tried quietly without letting her know it, to feel where +she gartered. I felt the knot distinctly above her knee, thought how +near it was to the cunt I was burning to feel, then put my hand up her +clothes, and felt her naked leg under the knee. +

+

+She told me to leave off, my prick was standing, "Have you not jolly big +white thighs, I have heard of them," said I. "Heard?" said she. "Yes, +and a good lot of hair between them." "Who, to look at you would believe +you were such a liar, such a young monkey; get out of the kitchen." She +arose, drew some water, took it in one hand, some clean clothes in the +other, and went upstairs, taking no further notice of me. I followed her +a few steps up, then pushed my hands up her clothes on to her thighs, +just beneath her backslide; round she swung facing me, and sat down on +the stairs; in swinging round my hand came just into contact with the +hair of her cunt; then with a push she sent me downstairs tumbling. As I +got up she said quite quietly, "It's your fault if you are hurt; if you +follow me, I will push you down again," "I am stronger than you." I +sung out,. "I don't care, so long as I can feel you." "If I was not +so comfortable here in many ways, I would leave to-morrow," said she, +continuing to go upstairs, and thinking she had settled me; but I +followed, tried again, and she threw the whole jug of water over me. +"Now tell your mamma," said she, "and I'll surprise her, she don't know +her son," and again she pushed me down. That did not stop my tongue, for +I had now got angry and reckless, sang out my wants, bawling out about +her cunt, and said, "Did you ever sit on the little privy seat Mary, +tell me." She went up, and locked herself in her bed-room, till I was +tired of waiting. +

+

+I had been a month at this fun, and as in Charlotte's case seemed +not getting on at all, my experience was confined to one woman, and +naturally I used to compare everything taking place, with what had taken +place with her. To my inexperienced mind, there was a difference between +the two women which I could not understand: when I first got my hand up +Charlotte's clothes, she was as quick as me, struggled, screeched, and +got my hand away, seemed in dread and astonished. When I got my hand on +Mary's flesh, which I did repeatedly afterwards, she would turn round +quite quietly, remove my hand with force, look at me as if she were +collecting her thoughts, did not seem at all alarmed, but gave me a +lecture. When she kissed me afterwards, it seemed to be upon reflection, +but she did it with force, looked me full in the face, then turned away. +One day she said, "I would not leave a sister of mine here, if she were +young, for five times my wages, but I am old enough to keep you in your +place." +

+

+Soon after mother was one day out, I at home, housemaid and Tom in +the garden; it was a clear, bright day, there was a fire in the garden +parlour, the garden window-door was shut, and I bolted it; it was about +half-past three o'clock, the cook was dressing, I burning with lust, +went to my bed-room, opposite then to her door and listened. I heard +the rattle of piddle, excitement got the better of my fears, I knocked. +"It's not locked," she called out, thinking it was the housemaid; I +opened the door, went in and closed it. +

+

+She was standing before the glass brushing her hair, with but stays on; +over her chemise, I saw at a glance big white breasts, and big white +legs up to her knees. She turned round, and seeing me, put her hands up +to cover her breasts, stepped backwards till the bedstead stopped +her, and said, "Go out, mister Walter," but I threw my arms round her, +clasping her tightly and kissing her on her breasts before she could +repeat her request, and said, "Oh! do Mary, do let me." +

+

+She did not answer, but disengaged herself from my arms. Crafty with +lust and doubtless thinking of former experience, I dropped on my knees, +in an instant had her chemise up, both hands round her great bum, and my +mouth buried in the hair, kissing the outside of her cunt; she sat down +nearly crushing my hands, between her bum and the bedstead, I withdrew +them with a cry of pain. +

+

+She pushed me away; being on my knees, back I tumbled; as I did so, +caught her chemise and lifted it; she put her hands down to prevent it; +I kept my hold tightly, and it tore up with a noise, to where her stays +stopped it from going further; but the rent disclosed thighs belly and +motte simultaneously. She rose, tried to hide her nakedness, and stop +the chemise going further, her legs got somehow entangled with mine, I +fell back, and she fell clean over me. As I fell, my head struck the pot +and overturned it, I felt the warm piddle round my neck and head, and +at the same instant a heavy sort of blow on my nose, and hair on my +lips—it was her naked belly and motte which struck me as she fell on +me. We rolled over, and struggled for a second, I saw white thighs a +huge bum, and then we were both up. She opened the window and shouted +out, "Eliza, Eliza, I want you." +

+

+Then she turned to me with her eyes wide open, her bosom palpitating, +and said, "Get out, you are a nice young blackguard, I would not have +believed it, had I not found you out." And in the same breath hurriedly, +"Oh! my God, Wattie, what is the matter?" I felt a funny trickling +sensation on my upper lip, and putting my hand up to feel, removed it +covered with blood, the result of the blow of her motte on my nose, +which was pouring down blood copiously, and dropping on to my shirt. The +sight of blood always made me furious, "It's a blow from your belly," +said I, "you did it purposely." She saw by that time it was not serious +and said, "it serves you right, and directly your mamma comes in I will +tell her." "Do," said I. She repeated, "You are a young blackguard." +

+

+In the excitement of opening the window, calling out, and seeing my nose +bleeding, she had forgotten her torn chemise; and I had thought about +nothing but my bleeding nose. Standing by the table to open the window, +her form had been hidden, but she moved, disclosed the torn chemise, +partly one of her hips, thigh, leg, and partially the hair of her cunt. +"I can see your cunt," said I staunching my nose. She snatched up the +torn chemise, hiding herself with it. "Oh! go, go," said she, "oh! that +mess, what shall I do!" and she stopped to set up the piss-pot which was +laying on one side; I rushed forward, nose still bleeding, and tried to +feel the half naked thigh. "For God's sake go," said she, "here is Eliza +coming." I heard Tom lumping up step by step slowly, assisted by the +housemaid, and bolted into my room. +

+

+I held the door ajar and listened. "Where is Master Walter?" said the +housemaid as she got to the top landing. "I don't know," said Mary, "is +he not in the drawing-room?" "I don't know," replied Eliza, "what do you +want?" The door closed, I heard no more, but felt sure that Mary did not +mean to tell. My nose left off bleeding, I washed it, and crept quietly +downstairs. +

+

+Eliza and Tommy went down again into the garden; shortly afterwards +down went cook into the kitchen, five minutes after down I went. It was +always dullish in the afternoon there. I had thought that I might risk, +and as I passed the door from the kitchen leading into the garden, shot +the bolt so that, had the housemaid come down that way, she could not +get in also. +

+

+Mary was sitting close to the fire. "No more nonsense I hope," said she. +There was a kiss and forgiveness soon given me, in her tranquil way. +

+

+Again I sat down on the huge kitchen fender, and the next instant was +thinking what I had best do. I had seen those wonderfully large, white +thighs, seen the thicket of lightish hair between them, had felt no +cunt fully for weeks, and was dying with lust. She was as serene as if +nothing had happened, and kissed me, but in the usual motherly sort of +way. She rose up saying, "I must begin to shut up; what is Eliza staying +out so late in the garden with that child for?" That instant I thrust +my hand up her clothes, got it on to the motte, and clutched the hair +between my fingers; it was easy enough, for it was about the longest and +thickest motte thatch I have yet felt Down she sat, and tried to push +me away, but I had firm hold of the hair, and as I did on a similar +occasion with Charlotte, pulled and hurt her; she ceased to push me +off, and there I stopped, my prick throbbing, and every fibre in me, +palpitating with the lust of long continence. Then I pulled and hurt her +again, threatening to hurt her more still unless she let me feel her; +knowing the housemaid must knock before she could get in suddenly, I was +bold. +

+

+She bore my tugs with a little flinching and never answered my +entreaties. I had found my courage, and used the words cunt and fuck; it +was getting dark; looking at me steadily, she said, "So young and yet so +cruel, five minutes ago you were saying you were so fond of me, and now +you are trying to hurt me; you promised you would not touch me again, +now you are doing it; you are all alike, young and old, cruel and +liars." I felt ashamed, but was mad with lust. "A youth like you, and so +quiet as you look." "Youth! I am a man, have had women, feel me, let me +feel you, oh! do feel me." I had my prick out. To get better at her, +go from the fender on to my knees, and was pushing my hand between her +thighs with energy. Pulling her bum back, she stooped, and her face came +near mine. "Kiss me, feel me, and I will indeed leave off, I have seen +your belly, let me feel it, and I will leave off." "You will break +your word again," said she. "I swear not." She put her face to mine and +kissed me, her right hand dropped, and gently laid hold of my prick, her +thighs just so little opened that my fingers passed the hair and felt +the smooth inner face of the lips; it was too much for me, for some +hours my prick had been standing off and on, I had been pulling it +about, longing and hoping to use it, and for a long time no emission had +left it. +

+

+I felt my sperm coming, and could not stop it, my arse jogged and +pushed my prick involuntarily between her fingers, pleasure suddenly +overwhelmed me, and kissing her I spent in her hand—all the work of +half a minute. Then burning shame came over me, I could kiss her no +longer, dared not look her in the face, nor keep my hand between her +thighs, but rose quickly and without a word rushed upstairs to my +bed-room. +

+

+I have done for myself I thought, what a beast she will think me, I +shall never dare to speak to her again, and was ready to cry; little +knowing then that every step in baudiness, is a step towards the +end, and that my spunk on her hand, would help me to shed some in her +elsewhere. +

+

+Feeling so uncomfortable I went out; calling out to the housemaid, that +I should be home about eight o'clock, went to a friend's, had dinner, +but could not talk nor scarcely eat. My friend joked and asked if I was +in love. My prick was standing again after I had eaten, I went home, +making up my mind to go to bed early, preferring solitude and my own +thoughts; it was about seven P. M., to my astonishment Mary opened the +door. I felt my face hot, and could scarcely look at her; she was +as tranquil as ever, nothing ever seemed to disturb that woman. This +tranquility reassured me, the more so when I found mother was still out. +The housemaid had gone out to make a few purchases, leaving Mary alone +with Tommy, who she was just going to put to bed, and upstairs she went +with him for that purpose, without speaking to me. +

+

+What a chance! oh! if I had not been such a beast. My prick rose stiff, +the afternoon's spend was the first I had had for a long time, a stiff +prick gives courage, and darkness helps. We are alone, she said nothing +as I spent in her hand, indeed went on kissing me when spending, what if +I ask her again? What an age she seemed putting Tommy to bed, at last I +heard her say, "Go to sleep, mamma will be home soon," and she went up +to her bed-room. She is going thought I to sit there till Eliza knocks, +and did not dare go up, but stood listening in the hall, feeling my +prick and longing;, at last I heard her coming down with slow, measured +steps. In the hall, I flung my arms around her, kissing and begging her +to forgive me. "I could not help it," said I in a whisper, "you do not +know how I longed for you." "Let me go downstairs," said she. +

+

+The garden parlour door was open. "Come in here and talk." I pulled her +in with but little difficulty, pushed her down on the sofa, and put both +arms round her. The door closed, leaving a small opening; there was +no light, but the gleam which shot from the hall-lamp through the door +ajar; I could barely see her face, and sat by her begging forgiveness +and kissing, but got no reply. My prick was more than stiff, I put my +hand down on her lap, on to her knees, then down to her feet, waiting a +second at each advance—no movement. My hand slipped up bit by bit, +it passed her ankle, her garter, and was on the flesh above—still no +movement. I hesitated and begged—no reply. Up further went my hand, the +thighs were not closed, but let my hand slip between them, a long drawn +sigh came from her as my fingers buried themselves in a fat, warm quim. +I pushed her back gently, and put her hand on to my prick; she held it +tight, and in a whisper said, "Will you never tell anyone?" By my body +and soul I swore it; the thighs opened wider, her body fell back and +disposed itself on the sofa, my hands roved over a large expanse of +flesh, I could see the white mass only, the rest seemed dark. I kissed +the hair on her cunt which I could not see, felt the smooth velvety +haunches, and threw myself on one of the finest, whitest and broadest +bellies I ever yet have had close to mine. The thighs opened to receive +me, and the next moment my prick was gliding up her cunt—she was not a +virgin. +

+

+What a heavenly sense of satisfaction at being up a cunt again. I could +scarcely realize my success; my hands felt between the fat lips, to +ensure my being in all right. I was conscious of a difference between +her and Charlotte, the way she lay, the size of the thighs, the quantity +of hair, and a quiescent manner, made her as different as possible from +my former sweetheart. Novelty made me think this one more delicious, +but nature would not postpone, and was impelling her as well as me; was +tightening her cunt round my prick, her body was thrilling for a spend. +I pushed as her cunt tightening, roused me, tighter was my prick grasped +within her; her arms folded across me, drew me towards her like a vice; +her belly moved up quite slowly to mine, as if to throw me off, then +moved twice or thrice as if in a spasm—a sigh, and her belly sunk down +as slowly as it had risen up, drawing my sperm into her, as she spent. +

+

+We lay without stirring, or uttering a word for a long time, supremely +happy; my prick lingered as if it intended to stop permanently in its +trap, she made no effort to dislodge it; at last it began to shrink, +then curiosity began, down went my hand between our bellies, wet as if +from a bath of gruel was my doodle and her quim. Then she spoke—the +first words uttered—"No—no—." The feel had such an effect on me, +that my prick began again to stiffen. I had with Charlotte failed +ignominiously two or three times, in a third fuck on the same day, and +feared a failure now. I kissed and felt her, as far as my hands and our +clothes would let me, she moved her bum up gently to let my hand under +it, but not a word could I get from her. "Can I do it again?" thought +I, and began pushing—yes it was stiffening, and again was that cunt +tightening. I push harder,—with a gentle heave the belly comes up, I am +off on the ride without having withdrawn; was this the fist time I had +ever been man enough to do it twice without uncunting? I think so. +

+

+The passage of privates was longer, I felt more movement in her +buttocks, her sighs were stronger, her hand moved more restlessly over +my back, our mouths got glued together. Her lips are wet, or it is +mine which are getting wet? There is a new, voluptuous sensation I never +experienced before, it delights me; I glued my lips tighter to hers, +our heaves are quicker, our sighs shorter, I feel the least bit of +her tongue touching my lips. I had never heard of that voluptuous +accompaniment of fucking, and it was to me an inspiration; shooting +out my tongue into her mouth,—hers comes out to meet it; they are +exchanging liquids,—the delight spreads electrically through our +bodies,—up comes her belly,—shorter are my shoves,—a quivering +wriggle to get deeper up her—and we both spend together, as it +seems with more pleasure than I ever did before. How strange I should +recollect this all so clearly. +

+

+The delights of the wet kisses are new to me; although not able to see +them, I thought of her exquisite teeth, and rolled my tongue over them. +She kisses me, still holds me, again my hand goes down to feel the parts +now separating, slobbered, and sticky with past joy; out comes my prick, +and then she speaks. "No-no," she sits up, I by her side, my hand on her +naked thighs for a minute. She gets up, gives me a long kiss, goes to +her room, and soon after comes down, her eyes wet with crying, "Don't +come near me, don't be unkind, let me alone," she says. Her manner was +so commanding, that I let her go to the kitchen without following her. +Shortly Eliza and then my mother came home. +

+

+Mad for her again, I took to my chemistry in the back kitchen +constantly, you may be sure. When I got the chance, spoke of our +pleasures and my hopes. "We ought," said she, "both to be ashamed of +ourselves, but I especially who am so many years older than you, ought +to have known better; if I am punished it will serve me right. Oh! if +you don't hold your tongue! My risk is more than you have any idea of." +All was said in a way as if she were preaching, and looking me full in +the face. +

+

+She refused what I wanted and avoided me, but it was impossible for her +altogether to escape me. Risking everything, emboldened by impunity with +Charlotte, I used to clutch her knees, and put my head up her clothes, +kissing and smelling her motte, I began to love the smell of it. She +used to dislodge me, and neither made a noise, nor uttered a word in +doing so—indeed she rarely spoke at any time. But it is difficult for +a woman who has been fucked by a man to refuse him again; I watched my +opportunities, my conversation broken as it was, and rarely but for a +minute at a time, was one repetition of lustful wants and prayers; I +used to pull my prick out, beg her to see and feel it. At length she +did, saying, "May God forgive me for my weakness." That day I fucked her +again standing in the kitchen, and a second time a few hours afterwards +in the dusk, which experience began to show me was the time she was most +accessible; the other servant was somewhere in the house at the time I +recollect. +

+

+After that her manner changed, she ceased to resist; but when I asked +her to go to a house with me, she said, "No, no, I am not coming to +that." Now, though tranquil, she was more capricious, sometimes letting +me feel her, or do it to her with impatience; at other times with +evident desire to please; but I was so often baulked, and I plagued her +so incessantly to meet me somewhere, that at length she did, saying, +"Well, it little matters, as I have made my bed, so I must lie on it." I +did not know then what she meant by that. +

+

+She got a holiday, we had food at a tavern, went to the house to which I +first took Charlotte, and into the same room; what a reminiscence! As I +got to the door, she looked nervously round and said, "I may as well +be hung for a sheep as a lamb." It was a joyous day for me. Once in the +house she became gay and amatory, threw off all restraint, and abandoned +herself to sexual enjoyment in a way she never did but twice again. +

+

+She was simply dressed as was customary with servants in those days. +Soon I had her standing naked before me with but boots and stockings on. +And what a sight she was. Quite five feet eight high, stout, yet as it +seemed to me then, without a single part of her body either flabby +or shapeless, her skin was of such dazzling whiteness that her white +stockings looked dull by contrast, very light brown hair, which when +pulled out nearly hung to her waist, the hair of her cunt and arm-pits +in quantity of a lighter golden brown; all looked much darker than their +true colour, against the dazzling whiteness of the skin. Ample calves +and thighs, breasts firm as ivory, her arms to match in plumpness and +whiteness, her hands alone discoloured by work, looked dark against the +rest of her glorious person. I recollect this all well, and that at that +time I disliked light-haired women: but in her suddenly, the light hair +appeared to me lovely. +

+

+She changed in manner that day from a condescending matron, to a +lover of my own age; had the complacency of a gay woman, tempered with +modesty. I had no notion of baudily posturing women which I learned +in after life, but had an innate love and perception of all that +was beautiful, and began placing her in attitudes favorable to the +contemplation of her charms. She complied with all; from belly to side, +from side to back I turned her; she smiled as if pleased, curious, and +astonished; and when I turned to quench my passion in her, she met me +with an ardour less demonstrative, but more stifling and satisfying +than Charlotte; it was a worry to think that I had twice fucked her, and +seemed to have finished each time before I had began fucking. +

+

+The firmness of her flesh impressed me, whether I put my finger between +the cheeks of her arse or between her thighs, I could with difficulty +get it away; she could have cracked a nut between either. The next +wonder was the hair of her cunt, which was long but curly; I now see +that she could not have pissed without wetting it, which accounted +for her always what we youths used to call mopping it, after she had +piddled. The cunt looked twice as big as Charlotte's, but the prick-hole +seemed to me smaller; and whether my finger or my prick was in it, +seemed to grasp it tightly. My prepuce used to give me then at times +pain just before, or when I spent in Charlotte; in Mary I scarcely +seemed to feel it, and afterwards a quiet sort of grinding of her cunt, +prolonged my pleasure until my penis left it. I was so new to the work, +that all those differences impressed me, I compared and thought of them +constantly. +

+

+She gave no violent writhes, nor twists, nor jerked her arse, nor +wriggled as she spent, but just as my short thrusts came on, her belly +used gradually to heave up and grow into mine; her cunt almost seemed to +be sucking my prick, whilst it throbbed and jetted its sperm into her; +my hardest thrusts never hurt; Charlotte used to complain if my prick +was too vigorous in her. Then when her pleasure was over; lolling her +tongue against mine, and sucking my very breath from me, she quietly +subsided; leaving me to lay in her, until with a kiss, she would gently +doze off with me in her arms. +

+

+A taste had developed as said, which I have retained to the present +time. I loved to see a woman piddle, used to make Charlotte do it as +often as I could, to place my hand under the stream, and feel its splash +on my fingers; and if chance let me hear the rattle in a pot, or see a +woman rising up from the attitude, my prick used to stand. I did this +with her greatly to her astonishment, she resented it so much that I +never repeated it: singular that a woman who would let me lay and kiss +her cunt, or put finger and prick up it; should refuse to let me see the +water come from it—but so it was. +

+

+Charlotte I loved, and used to feel as if she were part and parcel of +me for life, when I was up her, with Mary I thought of thighs, backside, +cunt, and her other parts, without much liking her beyond the desire of +spending in her. My impression is that I must have fucked that day, +as much as I ever did in my life on one day; my mother remarked that I +looked ill and worn out when I got home, and again fell on her favorite +belief that I was overstudying. How she could have permitted a young man +to be so often in the kitchen, and near to female servants, seems to me +a marvel of stupidity,—but she did. +

+

+Nothing opens a man and woman's heart to each other like fucking. A +woman laying satisfied by your side, her cunt bedewed with your spunk, +with fingers touching your prick, and mouth fresh from contact with +yours; will tell you more than she will at any other time. She did that +day. She had thought me a mere boy, getting baudy with coming manhood, +and had liked me. My quiet, demure manner, made her imagine that such an +attack from me, was among the most improbable things; when I began +she made up her mind to leave, but then came the mystery,—there were +circumstances which rendered it needful for her to stay where she was, +if possible—what they were she would not say. My assault on her in the +bed-room and all that followed upset all her ideas, filled her mind +with images of lust and pleasure, and left that undefined sensation and +unsatisfied longing which is known as randiness. I suddenly seemed a man +to her. My spending in her hand upset her still more. I asked if that +had made her let me have her. She replied, "I gave up the self denial +of years, abandoned my intentions, and let you do it; when you pushed +me into the garden parlour I intended to let you as I went in, I had not +quite intended before." +

+

+There was the greatest difficulty after that day in getting her, for my +mother seemed always in my way, and objected to my being in the kitchen. +Mary never helped me as Charlotte used, as cook indeed she could not. +She ran no risks, and was never in a hurry, so where I had Charlotte +half a dozen times, I could scarcely get Mary once. +

+

+She met me out again, and in a fortnight asked for another holiday. It +astonished my mother, for more than a year she scarcely had gone out, +and never had taken a whole holiday. What another day of ballock-ing it +was, in that old, snug, baudy house—but we had a quarrel there. +

+

+Even with my inexperience, I knew she was different from Charlotte +at the first poke. I used in my mind to compare the differences. +Charlotte's curiosity, the manifest novelty of fucking to her, even for +a couple of months after her splitting and bleeding; was so different +from the steady, quiet, well satisfied way with which Mary copulated. +Pondering over this, I wondered if she had been done before, how often, +and by how many, or had I been the first? The idea of asking her was +always floating through my brain. That day I said to her as her face was +towards mine on the pillow, and I was toying with her bubbies, "I wonder +who had you before me." She sat up, looked me steadily in the face, and +replied, "You have no right to ask me, you are not my husband." "But +tell me." "I shall not, it is an impertinence; how can a youth like you +know anything about first or second." I blurted out, "Because when first +I did it to Char—" the name was almost out of my mouth, but I stopped +in time, "when I first had a young woman (correcting myself), I could +not easily get into her, it tore my prick, and she bled." "Who was it?" +said she. "Oh! a young woman." "But who was it?" I did not reply. "Was +it Charlotte?" and she looked me hard and full in the face. "No," said +I. "Now was it? Tell me," said she bending over, kissing and coaxing me. +"No, it was not." "I believe it was, you once said she was young, and +had dark brown hair—it was she." In vain I denied it. "I felt sure it +was, and with a youth like you! Is it possible you can have harmed that +nice girl! What a wretched, wicked lot you all are, you will be as bad +as the others." Then she suddenly said, "Mind, you have sworn solemnly +never to mention to any living soul about me; oh! once forget yourself, +and it's all up with a woman." Then she laid down, again her manner +became quiet and voluptuous—another fuck followed. I again tried the +question. She settled me by saying, "If ever you ask me that question +again, I will not let you have me afterwards," and I never did ask her +that I can recollect until just before she felt us. +

+

+But she for some time after asked ME questions about my first woman, +"was she tall? were her teeth as good as hers?" and so on. How far she +satisfied herself that it was Charlotte, she never said; for I +don't recollect that she mentioned her name again, and I gave wrong +descriptions; but may have got more information than I meant her to +have, as she asked me at odd times when I was off my guard. +

+

+A third time, to the still greater surprise of my mother, she took a +holiday. We spent it at the house, and she exhausted me and herself. For +a day or two afterwards she gave me every chance at home, and we fucked +furiously. She took to calling me a dear fellow, when her tongue was +not against mine, but which was always the case when our mouths got +together; and I imagine now, must have been a greater luxury to her than +it was then to me. Soon after she received several letters which I said +were from her lover. "I wish they were," said she. Then she took ill, +and when better, refused me altogether. I had opportunities, but she +would not. I said I wished I had never seen her; she said she wished so +too, for she was fond of me, although it was ridiculous at her age +and mine. Afterwards when mother was one evening at the bottom of the +garden, Eliza gone out to the library. I seized Mary as she closed the +shutters; kissing and begging her. She opened her thighs, my fingers +were on her clitoris; she kissing me at intervals said: "Oh! no, oh! I +can't, dear—I dare not—Walter, Walter, you must not; I am a married +woman, and am going home to my husband most likely." +

+

+Soon afterwards she told me her history. Married seven years previously, +her husband became dissipated and unfaithful; and from being a +well-to-do tradesman, brought himself to the condition of a labourer. +She forgave him until he gave her a disease, then she left him as she +had threatened to do. Nothing he could say would induce her to have +anything more to do with him. "Is there anything about me that a man +could not be satisfied with for years?" she asked, as if I were a judge. +

+

+She went home to her mother. He appears to have been fond of her. Love +of women was his great fault; but the disease so set her against him, +that all his entreaties were useless. Nevertheless she was his wife, and +getting into the mother's house one day, when she was alone (Mary), he +fucked her with violence—and violent it must have been, for she was as +strong as a horse. Directly afterwards she left and went to service in +London, confiding only her address to her mother, taking a false name, +and writing him, that if ever he found her out and annoyed her, she +would go abroad. Her husband made the mother a sort of promise to keep +steady for three months, but failed in doing so, went to America, had +never ceased to write affectionate letters which came to her through +her mother, and had recently written to say he had made a large sum of +money, and was coming home. He had sent money home to the mother with +instructions to settle it on Mary how she liked, provided she would +come back to him. Afterwards she showed me his letters; they were well +written, and in a style above a man of his position in life. +

+

+She had lived in service ever since; with us she had then been a year +and a half, and had had but two other places. One she left because +a grown up son began to pay her too much attention. At the other the +master—a married man—made love to her, and one day tried to force her. +I know the last place, it was about three miles from us. +

+

+This news came like a cold bath on me. It suited my taste to have a +woman in the house. The idea of losing her was terrible. She refused +me my pleasures. I doubted her truth at times, but whenever I did, she +would fetch a letter as proof saying, "Now will you believe me?" She +refused to say where her home had been, and what her real name was. I +used to try to make out the postmark on her letters, but could not. They +were negligent in those days in such matters, and postage was dear. +

+

+And now I again asked if she had had any other but her husband and me; +by all that was holy she declared she had not. "How came you to let me?" +"God in heaven knows!" said she, "months ago if anyone had said such a +thing was possible, I should have said it was ridiculous; I only thought +of you as a tall boy, but that day I felt that my life was passing away +without the pleasures of a woman; what you did kneeling down in the +kitchen upset me, then I let you; though I thought I should ruin myself +by doing so." +

+

+She cared but little for her husband, for he had caused her to lead the +life of a widow for years. "Suppose I had done anything wrong," said +she, "and he had found it out, he would have cast me away; but you men +can do what you like, and we poor women have to submit." "But why go +back?" "Four months ago I would not have done so, but you have made me +find out I am a woman after all; you will understand that better as you +grow older. Not many would have kept chaste as I have done until that +night. Now I mistrust myself. I am getting fond of you, but what could +come of it? And if anything came to the ears of my mother and friends, +who are respectable, I should drown myself. I have got plenty of will of +my own, although I am quiet." +

+

+"You don't care much about poking?" +

+

+"I have had my wants, but suppressed them," she replied. "What did you +do?" "Oh!" said she in an off hand way, "what other unmarried women do, +I suppose." "Frigged yourself." She gave a nod and said, "And not often +that." I thought of what Charlotte had told me, but held my tongue. +

+

+I tried to get at her at intervals, but it was no use. "It's caprice," +said I with my prick out, "you let me when I wanted it three weeks ago, +why not now?" "I can't,—I dare not,—it might be certain ruin now." +"What does a fellow care about ruin, when his hand is outside a cunt, +and his prick is like an iron rod?" Twice as strong as me, she could +at all times have escaped me, unless sexual desire was strong on her; +desire gives a man force, but it takes away a woman's force. She rose +up, nor would she continue talking, until I had buttoned up my prick and +promised not to touch her; that done, she said, "Would you wish to ruin +me? You might if I let you, I have been very ill as you know, was in the +family way, my monthlies stopped, and I have brought them on. When I was +in trouble that way, I let you do what you like, now I am going home, +what would become of me if I were in the family way then?" This explained +all. +

+

+I had never given her a present, I never gave Charlotte one; having then +so little money. I never thought about it. I had now more, and offered +to give her some if she wanted any. She showed me a saving-bank's book. +She had got nearly fifty pounds. I bought a pair of gold earrings for +her, it was the first present I had even given a woman, and she was much +pleased. I had I think some vague notion, that it would induce her to +let me have her; but if so, I was deceived. +

+

+Mother seemed to be keeping at home to baulk me. My chemicals had +been taken back into the garden parlour. I knew she wanted to go to my +aunt's; but one morning it was too hot, then it rained, and so on. How I +restrained myself from frigging I don't know, for I used to walk up and +down my bed-room with my prick out stiff, and looking at it; at length a +chance came—my last. +

+

+Mother went to aunt's, the ugly housemaid said, "As Master Tom wont be +at home, do you mind my going out for a couple of hours?" "No," said my +mother, "when the cook is ready." "Please will you tell the cook Mamm," +said she, "or she wont let me go." I had then a tutor in mathematics who +came on that day, but promised to fetch mother home. I had many times +broken my promises to do so, to enable me to get at Mary. Mother said, +"I hope you mean what you say, you are getting a man, and should never +break your word." Anxious to know when the housemaid would go; I asked +her. "I am not going till five o'clock, sir," said she, "unless you +particularly want the books," "That will be too late, for I am to fetch +mamma home,—never mind." +

+

+I finished with my tutor, and out I went. But at about five o'clock came +home near to the house, wondering if the housemaid had gone, (Mary I had +not spoken a word to), waited in sight of the house, and at last saw +a form I guessed to be the housemaid's, going off fast towards the +village; five minutes afterwards I knocked, and Mary opened the door. +Said she, "What brings you home?" I said I was unwell, had a bad cold, +could not go for my mother, would go to bed, would she fetch me a +foot-bath, and went to my bed-room. I had been two days planning the +thing, an old dodge it was though. +

+

+It was hot and quite light, but I drew down the blinds, undressed and +put on my nightgown; she brought the bath, we talked. She had not heard +from her mother again, it was strange,—was she being played with? It +took weeks then to get to America. I kissed and got closer to her, we +were on the edge of the bed; I spoke of our meetings and our pleasures, +she avoided the subject, said I should take cold, prayed me to have +the foot-bath and go to bed. Gradually I got my hand on her thighs, how +could she help it?—a woman who had been fucked by me a lot of times. +But she was firm in refusing me. I lifted my night-shirt, my prick stood +up, the shirt hanging at the back of it like clothes on the hook of a +prop,. Finding that useless, I threatened to frig myself and began the +operation. She said I ought to be ashamed of myself, that she would +leave if I did not desist, and turned to go, when I pulled her on to the +bed. Soon my fingers were on her slit, her fingers on my prick. "I dare +not let you,—oh! pray!" she said, but she was vanquished, silent, and +tranquilly laid down on the bed; nature was too strong for her. +

+

+I lifted her chemise, had a glimpse of the lovely plump calves, and +large, fleshy thighs, as I threw myself impetuously upon her. My belly +closed with hers, and pushing my knuckles through the hairs, I guided my +prick towards her cunt, but alas! too late. The long abstinence and +the excitement were too much for me; just as my fingers opened the +cunt-lips, and my prick touched her cunt, throb—throb—gush—gush, and +over my fingers, over her thighs, into the thicket of hair, on to the +clitoris, on to the smooth, round bum-cheeks below—anywhere—everywhere +excepting the right place, my sperm spurted out: and only the last drop +remained just as I buried my prick in her. Then instead of meeting her +humid tongue with mine, I sank on her breast kissing, yet damning and +cursing like a dragoon, at my spoiled pleasure,—I had spent out of +sheer copiousness of spunk, and excitement. +

+

+Said she, "It is as well as it is, get off." I made no reply, hoping my +sexual force would return, for my prick was in her sheath. She moved to +release herself. Stronger far than me, she could in any other attitude +have easily done so; but the most difficult position for a woman to +disengage herself from a man, is when he is on the top of her, well +between her thighs, and clasping her backside tightly. As she moved +there was no strong will in it; how could it be otherwise? She in the +prime of life had been without it for weeks, nature was pleading for me, +my prick was in her, my spunk all about her. To gain time I promised to +get off in a minute. "Kiss me." Our mouths and tongues met. It was like +magic. A voluptuous throb passed through both of us, my prick stiffened +to the full, a sympathetic grind of her cunt responded; again we were in +the full tide of pleasure, fucking and spending together, the future was +forgotten as we sunk quietly down. I had spent twice without uncunting; +scarcely was it over than she pushed me off, and washed out her cunt in +my foot-bath. +

+

+We sat on the side of the bed kissing and feeling each other, it was +like the old time, the door wide open to hear the street door knocks. +When the housemaid knocked, into bed I got; an hour afterwards home came +my mother and into my bed-room. She approved of the hot foot-bath, but +insisted on my taking a febrifuge. To keep up the sham, I took it, Mary +brought it and stood by, whilst my mother gave it to me; my prick was +again standing like a prop at the sight of Mary, and as my mother pulled +the bed-clothes over me, she might, if she had had eyes, seen my prick +pushing them almost up. +

+

+Next morning she gave notice to leave. I never had her again. On one or +two occasions I felt her, and if there had been more time might perhaps +have had her. At the end of a fortnight she told me that her monthlies +were all right. From that day she resolutely refused to even let me feel +her. "I don't much care about going back," said she; "I don't think I +shall be happy, but I do it for the best; at all events I shall have a +home." The day before she went she said, "Goodbye, God bless you, you +are a good fellow," but you will play mischief with many a poor girl +here before you have done. "I like you very much, and shall always think +of you." I never heard of her after, and with her, passed from me the +woman who is still in my recollection as one of the most beautiful, and +perfect in form; as one who gave me the greatest sexual pleasure,—but I +was of course very young and inexperienced. +

+

+My mother remarked that she was the most trustworthy servant she ever +had; but that there was a mystery about her. Her boxes were labelled +for a place that the coach would not take her to, and her boxes were not +like a servant's. "I think she has been crossed in love and ran away," +said mother. Said I, "Perhaps she had gone off with a bobby," it was a +current joke then, policemen not having been long invented. My mother +said in her severe way, "She is a virtuous woman, a youth like you +should not utter ignorant jokes about women, especially about the +humbler classes, to whom good reputation is everything." I began to see +plainer than ever, that I could humbug mother after that. +

+

+Many of our conversations are told here in her very words, others as +nearly as I can recollect them. I have often wondered at the way this +woman behaved to me, talked to me, and all about her. The circumstances +as they occurred, even at the time seemed peculiar; I felt as if I was +wicked in getting into her, almost as if I was going to poke my mother; +but I cannot attempt to analyze motives or sensations, I simply narrate +facts. Certain it is, that I never have had a woman who in behaviour +resembled Mary, in manner, conversation, and general behaviour,—I +always felt as if she were a superior person to me, as if she were +obliging me and not herself, and was putting me under an obligation, by +letting me fuck her. +

+

+Again lonely, I not only wanted cunt, but also the society of a +woman, it was so sweet to see and talk, to some one I fucked; to do so +secretly, was an additional charm, and I used to feel quite sad. I was +then about in my eighteenth year. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER VII. +

+
+     At the Manor house.—Fred's amours.—Sarah and Mary.—What
+     drink and money does.—My second virgin.—My first whore.—
+     Double fucking.—Gamahucking.—Minette.—A belly up and
+     down.
+
+

+One aunt as said lived in H...shire, a widow; her son, my cousin Fred, +was preparing for the Army. I wanted a change, and went by advice to +stay there. Fred was a year older than me, wild and baudy to the day +of his death, he talked from boyhood incessantly about women. I had not +seen him for some time, and he told me of his amours, asking me about +mine. I let him know all, without disclosing names; he told me in nearly +the words, that it was "a lie," for he had heard my mother say, that +I was the steadiest young fellow possible, and she could trust me +anywhere. This, coupled with my quiet look, and the care I took not to +divulge names, made him disbelieve me; but I disclosed so many facts +about women's nature, that he was somewhat astonished. He told me what +he had done, about having had the clap, and what to do if I got it; then +he had seduced a cottager's daughter on the estate; but his description +of the taking, did not accord with my limited experience. One day he +pointed the girl out to me at the cottage door, and said he now had her +whenever he wanted. +

+

+She was a great coarse wench, whom he had seen in my aunt's fields. He +had caught her piddling on one side of a hedge; she saw him looking at +the operation from a ditch, and abused him roundly for it; it ended +in an acquaintance, and his taking her virginity one evening on a +hay-cock,—that was his account of it. +

+

+Her father was a labourer on my aunt's estate, the girl lived with him +and a younger sister, her name was Sarah; he expatiated on her charm +from backside to bubbies, but it was soon evident to me, that with this +woman it was no money, no cunt; for he borrowed money of me to give her. +I had squeezed money out of my aunt, my guardian and mother, and had +about ten pounds,—a very large sum for me then, so I lent him a few +shillings. +

+

+He had his shove as he called it, and triumphantly gave me again such +account of his operations, and the charms of the lady, that I who +had been some time without poking, wondered if the girl would let me; +arguing to myself, he gives her money—my girls never wanted money,—why +should his? He had been dinning into my ears, that all women would let +men for money, or presents, or else from lust. "Kiss and grope, and if +they don't cry out, show them your prick and go at them." These maxims +much impressed me. +

+

+"Fred," said my aunt at breakfast, "ride over to Brown about his rent, +you will be sure to find him at the corn market," and she gave him other +commissions at the market town. I promised to ride with him, but had +been tortured with randiness about this great wench of his; so made some +excuse, and as soon as he was well off, sauntered towards the cottage, +which was about half a mile from the Hall. +

+

+It was one of a pair in a lane. Scarcely anyone passed them excepting +people on my aunt's lands. One was empty. The girl was sweeping in front +of the cottage, the door was wide open. I gave her a nod, she dropped a +respectful curtsey. Looking round and seeing no one, I said, "May I come +in and rest, for it is hot and I am tired?" "Yes sir," said she, and in +I went, she giving me a chair; then she finished her sweeping. Meanwhile +I had determined to try it on. "Father at home?" "No sir, he be +working in the Seven-Acre field." "Where is your sister?" "At mill, +sir"—meaning a paper mill. I thought of Fred. It was my first offer, +and scarcely knew how to make it, but chucking her under the chin said, +"I wish you would let me—" "What, sir?" "Do it to you," said I boldly, +"and I will give you five shillings," producing the money; I knew it was +what Fred gave her usually. +

+

+She looked at me and the five shillings, which was then more than her +wages for a week's work in the fields, burst into laughter and said, +"Why, who would have thought a gentleman from the Hall would say that +to a poor girl like me." "Let me do it," said I hurredly, "if you wont I +must go—I will give you seven and six pence." "You wont tell the young +squire?" said she—meaning Fred. "Of course not." She went to the door, +looked both ways, then at the clock, shut the door and bolted it without +another word. +

+

+The house consisted of a kitchen, a bed-room, leading out of it, and +a wash-house. She opened the bedroom door, there were two beds which +almost filled the room; at the foot of one was a window, by its side a +wash-stand. She got on to the largest bed saying, "Make haste." I pulled +up her clothes to her navel and looked. "Oh! make haste," said she. +But I could not, it was the third cunt I had seen, and I paused to +contemplate her. Before me lay a pair of thick, round thighs, a large +belly, and a cunt covered with thick brown hair, a dirty chemise round +her waist, coarse woolen blue stockings darned with black, and tied +below the knees with list, thick hob-nailed boots. The bed beneath was +white and clean, which made her things look dirtier; it was different +to what I had been accustomed to. I looked too long, "Better make haste, +for father will be home to dinner," said she. +

+

+I put my hand to her cunt, she opened her thighs, and I saw the cleft, +with a pair of lips on each side like sausages, a dark vermillion strong +clitoris sloped down and hid itself between the lips, in the recesses of +the cock-trap; the strong light from the window enabled me to see it as +plainly as if under a microscope. I pushed my finger up, then my cock +knocked against my belly, asking to take the place of my finger, and so +up I let it go. No sooner was I lodged in her, than arse, cunt, thighs +and belly, all worked energetically, and in a minute I spent. Just as +I pulled out, her cunt closed round my prick with a strong muscular +action, as if it did not wish the warm pipe withdrawn, a movement of the +muscles of the cunt alone, and it drew the last drop of lingering sperm +out of me. +

+

+I got on my knees, contemplating the sausage lips half open, from which +my sperm was oozing, and then got off sorry it had been so quick a +business. She laid without moving and looking kindly at me said, "Ye may +ha me agin an yer loike." "But your father will be home?" "In half an +hour," said she. "I don't think I can," said I. Such coolness in a woman +was new to me, I scarcely knew what to make of it. She got hold of my +tool, I had not had a woman for some time, soon felt lust entering my +rod again, and sought her cunt with my hands. She opened her legs wider +in a most condescending manner and I began feeling it. I was soon fit, +which she very well knew, for immediately with a broad grin on her face +she pulled me on to her and put my prick in her cunt herself, lodging it +with a clever jerk of her bum, a squeeze, and a wriggle. +

+

+I fucked quietly, but it was now her turn; she heaved and wriggled +so that once she threw my prick out of her, but soon had it in again. +"Shove, shove," said she suddenly, and I shoved with all my might, she +clipped my arse so tightly that she must have left the marks of her +fingers on it, then with a close wriggle and a deep sigh, she lay still, +her face as red as fire, and left me to finish by my own exertions. +

+

+I felt the same squeeze of the cunt as I withdrew, one of those +delicious contraction which women of strong muscular power in their +privates can give; not all can do it. Those who cannot never can +understand it. Those who can, will make a finger sensible of it's grip, +if put up their cunts. +

+

+She got up, and tucked her chemise between her legs to dry her split, +she did not wash it. "I am always alone," said she, "between eight and +twelve just now," and as any woman just then answered my wants, I made +opportunities, and I had her again two or three times, till a rare bit +of luck occurred to me. +

+

+We were in the bed-room one hot day; to make it cooler I took off +trowsers and drawers, laid them on a chair, carefully rolled my shirt up +round my waist, so as to prevent spunk falling upon it, and thus +naked from my boots to waist, laid myself on the top of my rollicking, +belly-heaving, rump-wriggling country lass. +

+

+I always gave her five shillings before I began; she had taken a letch +for me, or else being hot cunted, and not getting it done to her often, +dearly liked my poking her; and seeming to want it that day unusually, +began her heaving and wriggling energetically. We were well on towards +our spend, when with a loud cry of "Oh! my God!" she pushed me off, and +wriggled to the bedside. I got off, and saw a sturdy country girl of +about fifteen or sixteen years, standing in the bed-room door looking at +us with a broad grin, mixed with astonishment, upon her face. +

+

+For an instant nobody spoke. Then the girl said with a malicious grin, +"pretty goings on Sarah, if fearther knowed un—" "How dare you stand +looking at me?" said Sarah. "It's my room as well as yourn," said +Martha, for that was her name; and nothing further was said then. But +Martha's eyes fixed on me as I sat naked up to my waist with my prick +wet, rigid, red, throbbing, and all but involuntarily jerking out its +sperm. I was in that state of lust, that I could have fucking anything +in the shape of a cunt, and scarcely knew in the confusion of the +moment, where I was, and what it was all about. Sarah saw my state, and +began pulling down my shirt. "Go out of the room," said she to her +sister. "Damn it I will finish, I will fuck you," said I making a snatch +at her cunt again. "Oh! for God's sake, don't sir," said she. With a +grin out went young sister Martha into the kitchen, and then Sarah began +to blubber, "If she tells fearther, he will turn me out into the +streets." +

+

+"Don't be a fool," said I, "why should she tell?" "Because we are bad +friends." "Has she not done it?" "No, she is not sixteen." "How do you +know she has not?" "Why we sleep together and I know." "Who sleeps in +the other bed?" "Fearther." "In the same room?" "Yes." "Don't you know +anything against her?" "No, last hay-making I seed a young man trying +to put his hands up her clothes, that's all; she has only been a woman +a few months." If she tells of her, she will tell of me, I thought. It +might come to my aunt's ears, Fred would know, and I should get into a +scrape. +

+

+"It is a pity she has not done it," said I, "for then she would not +tell." "I wish she had," she replied. One thing suggested another. "She +knows all about what we were doing?" Sarah nodded. "Get her to promise +not to tell, and get her to let me do it to her, and I will give you two +pounds," said I, taking the money out of my purse. +

+

+It was more money than she had ever had in her life at one time, her +eyes glistened; she was silent a minute as if reflecting, then said, +"She has always been unkind to me, and she shant get me turned out if I +can help it." Then after farther talk, some hesitation, and asking me if +I was sure I would give her the money, she said, "I'll try, let's have +a jolly good drink, then I'll leave you together," and we went into the +kitchen. I saw her dodge. +

+

+Martha was leaning, looking out of the window, her bum sticking out, her +short petticoats showing a sturdy pair of legs; she turned round to us, +it was about eleven o'clock in the day, the old man was at work far off +and had taken his dinner with him that day, Sarah had told me. +

+

+"You won't tell father," said Sarah in a smooth tone. No reply but +a grin. "If you do, I will tell him I saw young Smith's hand up your +clothes." "It's a lie." +

+

+"Yes, he did, and you know you have seen all he has got to show." "You +are a liar," said Martha. Sarah turned to me and said, "Yes, she did, +we both saw him leaking, and a dozen more chaps." "She saw their +cocks?" said I. "Yes." "You took me to see them, you bitch," said Martha +bursting out in a rage. "You did not want much taking, what did you say, +and what did you do in bed that night, when we talked about it?" "You +are a wicked wretch, to talk like that before a strange young man," said +Martha and bounced out of the cottage. +

+

+In a short time she came in again, the oldest told me scandals she +knew about her sister, and made her so wild, that they nearly fought. I +stopped them, they made it up, and I sent off the eldest to fetch shrub, +gin and peppermint; it was a good mile to the tavern in the village. +

+

+When she had gone I told Martha I hoped she would do no mischief. She +was nothing loath to let me kiss her, so there was soon acquaintance +between us. She had seen me half naked, how long she had been watching I +knew not, but it was certain she had seen me shoving as hard as I could +between the naked thighs of her sister, and that was well calculated +to make her randy and ready for the advances of a man. "Here is five +shillings, don't say anything my dear." "I won't say nothing," said she +taking the money. Then I kissed her again, and we talked on. +

+

+"How did you like him feeling you?" I asked, "was he stiff?" No reply. +"Was it not nice when he got his hand on your thigh?" Still no reply. +"You thought it nice when in bed, Sarah says." "Sarah tells a wicked +story," she burst out. "What does she tell?" "I don't know." "I will +tell you my dear; you talked about Smith's doodle and the other men's +you saw pissing." "You are the gentleman from London stopping at the +Hall," she replied, "so you had better go back and leave us poor girls +alone," and she looked out of the window again. +

+

+"I am at the Hall," said I putting my hand round her waist, "and like +pretty girls," and I kissed her until she seemed mollified and said, +"What can you want in troubling poor girls like us?" "You are as +handsome as a duchess, and I want you to do the same as they do." "What +is that?" said she innocently. "Fuck," said I boldly. She turned away +looking very confused. "You saw me on your sister, between her thighs, +that was fucking; and you saw this," at the same time pulling out my +prick, "and now I am going to feel your cunt." +

+

+I put my hand up her clothes and tried to feel, but she turned round, +and after a struggle half squatted on the floor to prevent me. The +position was favorable, I pushed her sharply half on to her back on the +floor, got my fingers on to her slit, and in a moment we were struggling +on the floor, she screaming loudly as we rolled about. +

+

+She was nimble, got up and escaped me, but by the time her sister came +back, I had felt her bum, pulled her clothes up, and talked enough +baudiness; she had hollowed, cried, laughed, abused and forgiven me, for +I had promised her a new bonnet, and had given her more silver. +

+

+Sarah brought back the liquors, there was but one tumbler and a mug, we +did with those; the weather was hot, the liquor nice, the girls drank +freely. In a short time they were both frisky, it got slightly into my +head; then the girls began quarrelling again, and let out all about each +other, the elder's object being to upset the younger one's virtue and +make her lewed. I began to get awfully randy, and told Sarah I had felt +her sister's cunt whilst she had been out. She laughed and said, "All +right, she will have it well felt some day, she's a fool if she don't." +We joked about my disappointment in the morning, I asked Sarah to give +me my pleasure then. "Aye," said she, "and it is pleasure, when Martha +has once tasted it, she will like it again." Martha very much fuddled, +laughed aloud saying, "How you two do go on." Then I put my hands up +Sarah's clothes. "Lord how stiff my prick is, look," and I pulled +it out, Martha saying, "I won't stand this," rushed from the room. I +thought she had gone, and wanted to have Sarah; but she thought of the +two pounds, and shutting Martha's mouth, "Try her," said she, "she must +have it some day, she'll come in soon." When the girl did, we went +on drinking. What with mixing gin, peppermint and rum shrub, both got +groggy, and Martha the worst. Then out went Sarah saying she must go to +the village to buy something, and she winked at me. +

+

+She had whilst the girl was outside told me to bolt the front door, and +if by any chance her father came home, which was not likely; to get out +of the bed-room window,and through a hedge, which would put me out of +sight in a minute. Directly she was gone I bolted the door and commenced +the assault. Martha was so fuddled, that she could not much resist my +feeling her bum and thighs, yet I could not get her to go and lie down; +she finished the liquor, staggered, and then I felt her clitoris. +

+

+I was not too steady, but sober enough to try craft where force failed. +I wanted to piss, and did, holding the pot so that she could see my cock +at the door, but she would not come into the bed-room. Then I dropped a +sovereign, and pretending I could not find it, asked her to help me; she +staggered into the bed-room laughing a drunken laugh. The bed was near, +I embraced her, said I would give her two sovereigns if she would get +on the bed with me. "Two shiners?" said she. "There they are," said I +laying them down. "No—no," but she kept looking at them. I put them +into her hand, she clutched them saying, "No—no," and biting one of her +fingers, whilst I began again tittillating her clitoris, she letting me. +From that moment I knew what money would do with a woman. Then I lifted +her up on to the bed, and lay down besides her. All her resistance was +over, she was drunk. +

+

+I pulled up her clothes, she lay with eyes shut, breathing heavily, +holding the gold in her hand. I pulled open her legs, with scarcely any +resistance, and saw a mere trifle of hair on the cunt; the novelty +so pleased me, that I kissed it; then for the first time in my life I +licked a cunt, the spittle from my mouth ran on to it, I pulled open +the lips, it looked different from the cunts I had seen, the hole was +smaller. "Surely," thought I, "she is a virgin." She seemed fast asleep, +and let me do all I wanted. +

+

+In after life, I should have revelled in the enjoyment of anticipation +before I had destroyed the hymen; but youth, want, liquor, drove me on, +and I don't remember thinking much about the virginity, only that the +cunt looked different from the two others I had known. The next instant +I laid my belly on hers. "Oh! you are heavy, you smother me," said she +rousing herself, "you're going to hurt me,—don't sir, it hurts," all in +a groggy tone and in one breath. I inserted a finger between the lips of +her quim, and tried gently to put it up, but felt an impediment. She had +never been opened by man. I then put my prick carefully in the nick, and +gave the gentlest possible movement (as far as I can recollect) to it. +

+

+Her cunt was wet with spittle, I well wetted my prick, grasped her round +her bum, whilst I finally settled the knob of my tool against it, +then putting my other hand round her bum, grasped her as if in a +vice, nestled my belly to hers, and trembling with lust, gave a +hinge,—another,—and another. I was entering. In another minute it +would be all over with me, my sperm was moving. She gave a sharp "oh!" A +few more merciless shoves, a loud cry from her, my prick was up her, and +her cunt was for the first time wetted with a man's sperm; with short, +quiet thrusts I fell into the dreamy pleasure, laying on the top of her. +

+

+Soon I rolled over to her side, to my astonishment she lay quite still +with mouth open, snoring, and holding the two sovereigns in her hand. +I gently moved to look at her; her legs were wide open, her gown and +chemise (all the clothing she had on) up to her navel, her cunt showed a +red streak, my spunk was slowly oozing out streaked with blood, a little +was on her chemise; but I looked in vain for the sanguinary effusion +which I saw on Charlotte's chemise, and on my shirt, when I first had +her; and from later experience, think that young girls do not bleed as +much as full grown women, when they loose their virginity. +

+

+Her cunt as I found from ample inspection afterwards, was lipped like +her sister's, the hair, about half an inch long, scarcely covered the +mons, and only slightly came down the outer lips, her thighs were plump +and round, her calves big for her age; she was clean in her flesh, but +alas! thick blue stockings with holes and darns, big boots with holes at +the sides, a dirty ragged chemise, dark garters below the knees, made +an ugly spectacle compared with the clean whiteness of Charlotte's and +Mary's linen. +

+

+But the sight took effect, my prick had her blood on it, quietly I +slid my finger up her cunt, it made her restless, she moved her legs +together, shutting my hand in them; she turned on her side, and showed +a plump white bum, over one side of which a long streak of bloody sperm +had run. I pulled her on to her back, then she awakened struggling and +called out loudly, but I was heavy on her, my prick at her cunt's mouth, +and I pushed it up until it could go no further, whilst she kept calling +out, I was hurting her. +

+

+"Be quiet, I can't hurt you, my prick is right up you," said I beginning +the exercise. She made no reply, her cunt seemed deliriously small, +whenever I pushed deep, she winced as if in pain, I tried to thrust my +tongue into her mouth, but she resisted it. Suddenly she said, "Oh! go +away, Sarah will be home and find us." I had my second emission, and +went to sleep with my prick up her,—I was groggy. She slept also. +

+

+I awakened, got up tired with heat, excitement, drink and fucking. She +got up, and sat on the side of the bed half sobered, but stupid; dropped +a sovereign, and did not attempt to pick it up. I did, and put it back +into her hands; she took it without saying a word. When buttoned up, I +asked her what she was going to do, but all the reply I could get was, +"You go now." I went into the kitchen, banged the door, but held the +latch, the door remained ajar, and I peeped through. +

+

+She sat perfectly still so long, that I thought she was never going +to move; then sat down on the chair and laid her head against the bed, +looking at the sovereigns at intervals; then put them down, put her hand +up her petticoats carefully feeling her cunt, looked at her fingers, +burst into tears, sat crying for a minute or two, then put a basin with +water on to the floor, and unsteady, partially upset it, but managed to +wash, and got back on to the chair, leaving the basin where it was. Then +she pulled up the front of her chemise and looked at it, again put her +fingers to her cunt, looked at them, again began crying, and leaned her +head against the bed, all in a drowsy, tipsy manner. Whilst so engaged, +her sister knocked and I let her in; she looked at me in a funny way; I +nodded; she went into the bed-room and closed the door, but I heard most +of what was said. +

+

+"What are you sitting there for?" No reply. "What's that basin there +for?" No reply. "You have been washing your grummit?" No reply. "What +have you been washing it for?" "I was hot." "Why, you have been on the +bed!" "No, I ain't." "You have, with he." "No, I ain't." "I know he +have, and been atop a you, just as he were atop on me this morning." +"No, he ain't." Then was a long crying fit. Sarah said, "What's the good +of crying you fool, no one ain't going to tell, I shant, and the old man +won't know." +

+

+Then their voices dropped, they stood together, but I guessed she was +asking what I had given her. +

+

+Then I went in. "You have done it to my sister," said Sarah. "No," said +I. "Yes, you have," and to Martha crying, "Never mind, its better to be +done by a gent, than by one of them mill-hands, I can't abear 'em; leave +off, don't be a fool." I went out of the room, Sarah followed me, and +I gave her the two sovereigns. "You know," she said, "some one would ha +done it to her; one of them mill-hands, or Smith would, he's alius after +her, and I knows he got his hands upon her." +

+

+Fred went up to London next day, and I was at the cottage soon after; +the girls were there, the elder grinned, the younger looked queer, and +would not go to the bed-room. "Don't be a fool," said the elder, and +soon we were alone together there. Half force, half entreaty got her on +to the bed, I pulled up her clothes, forced open her legs, and lay for +a minute with my belly to hers in all the pleasure of anticipation, then +rose on my knees for a close look. My yesterday's letch seized me, I +put my mouth to her cunt and licked it, then put my prick up the tight +little slit and finished my enjoyment. +

+

+Afterwards when I had her she was neat and clean underneath, although +with her every day's clothes on. She was frightened to put on her Sunday +clothes. She was a nice plump round girl, with a large bum for her size, +with pretty young breasts, and a fat-lipped little slit, the lining of +it instead of being a full red like Charlotte's, Mary's, and Sarah's +cunts, was of a delicate pink. I suppose is was that which attracted me. +Certain it is that I had never licked a cunt before, never had heard +of such a thing, though "lick my arse" was a frequent and insulting +invitation for boys to each other. +

+

+I saw her nearly every day for a week, and her modesty was soon broken. +Sleeping in the same room with her father, accustomed to being in +the fields or at a mill, such girls soon loose it; but she seemed +indifferent to my embraces, and all the enjoyment was on my side. "I've +not much pleasure in that," said she, "but more when you put your tongue +there." I could not believe that was so in a young and healthy lass, but +being always in a hurry to get my poking done lest her father came home, +used to lick, put up her, spend quickly and leave; but she soon got to +rights. I licked so hard and long the next time I had her, at the side +of the bed; that all at once I felt her cunt moving, her thighs closed, +then relaxed, and she did not answer me. I looked up, she was laying +with eyes closed and said, that what I had done was nicer than anything. +I had gamahuched her till she spent. +

+

+After that she spent like other women, when I had her. I tell this +exactly as I recollect it, and can't attempt to explain. She worked at a +paper mill, slack work was the reason of her being at home, now she was +going back to work; I feared a mill hand would get her, and offered to +pay her what she earned; but if she did not go to the mill, her father +would make her work in the fields, and she dare not let him see she had +money. +

+

+Indeed the two sisters did not dare to buy the finery they wanted, +because they could not say how they got the money. So back to the mill +she went, it being arranged that she should stay away now and then, +for me to have her. "Oh! won't she," said Sarah "she takes to ruddling +natoral, I can tell you." Sarah said she told her everything I had done +to her, including the licking, and I felt quite ashamed of Sarah knowing +that I was so green, as I shall tell presently. +

+

+Fred returned, and I had difficulty in getting her often. My cousins +walked out in the cool of the evening, I with them; often we passed the +cottage, and I made signs if I saw the girls. I sometimes then had her +upright in a small shed or by a hay-stack in the dark, where the hay +pricked my knuckles. +

+

+Fred was soon to join his regiment, was always borrowing money of me +"for a shove," and never repaid me; but he was a liberal, good-hearted +fellow; and when in after life I was without money and he kept a woman, +he said, "You get a shove out of ———," meaning his woman, "she likes +you, and I shant mind, but don't tell me." I actually did fuck her; nor +did he ever ask me,—but that tale will be told hereafter. Nothing till +his death pleased him more than referring to our having looked at the +backside of his mother and at his sister's quims, he would roar with +laughter at it. He was an extraordinary man. +

+

+One day we rode to the market-town; and putting up our horses, strolled +about. Fred said, "Let's both go and have a shove." "Where are the +girls?" said I. "Oh! I know, lend me some money." "I only have ten +shillings." "That is more than we shall want." We went down a lane past +the Town-Hall, by white-washed little cottages, at which girls were +sitting or standing at the doors making a sort of lace. "Do you see a +girl you like?" said he. "Why, they are lace-makers." "Yes, but some +of them fuck for all that; there is the one I had with the last +half-a-crown you lent me." Two girls were standing,-together; they +nodded. "Let's try them," said Fred. We went into the cottage; it was a +new experience to me. He took one girl, leaving me the other, I felt +so nervous; she laughed as Fred (who had never in his life a spark of +modesty), put his hands up her companion's clothes. That girl asked what +he was going to give her, and it was settled at half-a-crown each. Fred +then went into the back-room with his woman. +

+

+I never had had a gay woman. A fear of disease came over me. She made +no advances, and at length feeling my quietness was ridiculous, I got my +hands up her clothes, pulling them up and looking at her legs. "Lord! I +am quite clean, sir," said she in a huff, lifting her clothes well up. +That gave me courage, I got her on to an old couch, and looked at her +cunt, but my prick refused to stand; her being gay upset me. She laid +hold of my prick, but it was of no use. "What is the matter with you?" +said she, "don't you like me?" "Yes, I do." "Have you ever had a girl?" +I said I had. Fred who had finished, bawled out, "Can't we come in?" +This upset me still more, and I gave it up. In Fred and his girl came, +and he said, "There is water in the other room." I went in and feigned +to wash myself, and hearing them all laughing, felt ashamed to come out, +thinking they were laughing about me; though such was not the case, it +was because Fred was beginning to pull about my woman. +

+

+I had more money than I had told Fred, and when he said he was thirsty, +offered to send for drink, thinking my liberality would make amends for +my impotence. Gin and ale was got; then I began to feel as if I could do +it. "She's got a coal-black cunt," said Fred, and I seemed to fancy his +woman; then he said to mine, "What colour is yours?" and began to lift +her clothes; "let's change and have them together," and we went at once +into the back room, whither the two girls had gone. One was piddling, +Fred pulled her up from the pot, shoved her against the side of the bed, +bawling out, "You get the other," and pulled out his prick stiff and +ready. An electric thrill seemed to go through me at this sight, I +pulled the other into the same position by the side of Fred's; then the +girls objected, but Fred hoisted up his girl and plunged his prick into +her. Mine got on to the bed, leaving me to pull up her clothes. The same +fear came over me, and I hesitated; Fred looked and laughed, I pulled +up her clothes, saw her cunt; fear vanished, the next moment I was into +her, and Fred and I, side by side, were fucking. +

+

+All four were fucking away like a mill, then we paused and looked at +our pricks, as they alternately were hidden and came into sight from the +cunts. Fred put out his hand to my prick, I felt his, but I was coming; +my girl said, "Don't hurry." It was too late, I spent, laid my head upon +her bosom, and opening my eyes, saw Fred in the short shoves. The next +instant he lay his head down. +

+

+I believe now that really all four felt ashamed for directly after we +were all so quiet, one of the girls remarked, "Blest if I ever heard +of such a thing afore, you Lunnon chaps are a bad lot." A long time +afterwards I again had the girl for two and sixpence, Fred was then in +Canada; she recollected me well, and asked me, whether gals and chaps +usually did such things together in London. +

+

+Fred and I used to examine our pricks for a few days after, to see if +there were any pimples on them. Fred soon forgot his fear and shame, and +offered to bet me the fee of the gals, that he would finish first, if we +went and repeated the affair, but we did not. +

+

+Martha became very curious about me and my doings with Sarah. New to +fucking as she was; she got jealous at the idea of anyone sharing my +cock with her. She was curious too to know about her sister's pleasure; +the elder had I think got all she wanted to know from the younger, and +had made but little return for it in information. +

+

+Then my amatory knowledge was increased by an event unlooked for, +unthought of, unpremeditated; I am quite sure I had neither heard, nor +read of such a thing before; and should at that period of my life have +scouted the idea, as beastly and abominable, though I had done it. How +I came to lick Martha's cunt even then astonished me, I thought that it +was the small size, the slight hair, and youthfulness of the article; +but I used to lick it very daintily, wiping my mouth, spitting +frequently, and never venturing beyond the clotoris. It occurred to me +one day instead of kneeling, to lay down and lick; so I laid on the +bed, my head between her thighs, my cock not far from her mouth, and +indulging her in the luxury; for it was much the idea of pleasing her +that made me do it. She played with my cock and wriggled as my tongue +played over her clotoris, then grasped my prick hard, which gave me a +premonitory throb of pleasure. "Do to me what I am doing to you," said +I, "put it in your mouth," scarcely knowing what I said and without any +ulterior intention. She with her pleasure getting intense, impelled by +curiosity, or by the fascination of the cock, or by impulse, the result +of my tongue on her cunt, took it in her mouth instantly. How far my +prick went in, whether she sucked, licked, or simply let it enter, I +know not, and I expect she did not either; but as she spent I felt a +sensation resembling the soft friction of a cunt, and instantly shot my +sperm into her mouth and over her face. Up she got, calling me a beast. +I was surprised and ashamed of this unlooked for termination, and said +so to her. +

+

+I had as said arranged signs as I passed the cottage about our meetings, +yet had difficulty now in getting at her without being found out, and +never should, excepting for the elder sister, to whom I gave every now +and then money. She took care of the house, rarely went out, but worked +at a coarse of lace, and earned money that way. She used to sit outside +the cottage door if fine; working, and curtseying when we, who were +called the Hall folks, passed. My aunt said one day, "What a strapping +wench that is, don't you think so Walt? you always look at her as you +pass." I might have replied, "Yes she is, and her arse is remarkably +like yours," but I did not, and was after that more on my guard. Fred +had not had the girl for a long time, that freed me a little. Then +Martha shammed ill two days to stay from the mill and let me have her, +and I spent a good many hours with her. As I turned my head quickly one +day, I thought I saw the bed-room door close, and it occurred to me, +that the elder had been watching; she looked letcherously at me as I +came out. +

+

+I went one day soon after, and found Sarah alone. She made some excuse +about her sister being obliged to go to work. I was going away angry, +when she asked me to look at her new boots and stockings. Amused at +her vanity, I looked and she put them on. "Them fits fine," said she, +showing her legs amply. I was not excited about it, and was going. +"Ain't you never going to ha me agin?" said she. "I've no money." "We +are old friends, never mind money, if I hadn't got you Martha we moight +ha been good friends still,—ar wish a hadn't." "You did it to save us," +said I. "Ah, but yer shouldn't leave old friends, and I ha watched and +made yer both comfortable." Well, thought I, this is an invitation to +fucking,—she had a wonderful slip in her cunt, and I began to rise. +"You have lots of friends," said I. "I take my oath, that no friend has +seen me since the day you got my sister; ain't I been allus on watch for +yer, did yer ever pass without seeing me?" +

+

+A woman who wants fucking is not easy to resist, even if she is ugly and +middle-aged. There she sat, the picture of health, her petticoats nearly +up to her knees; I had never before seen them excepting in coarse blue +woolen stockings. I rolled her clothes up, saw the big thighs, the next +instant had my fingers in the slit; up knocked my doodle. She shut the +shutter, locked the door, and with a pleased look got on to the bed. Her +cunt struck me as quite a novelty, and I got ready for insertion. +

+

+"You like her better than me," said she. It was a poser, but a man +always likes the woman he is going to poke better than any other, and so +I denied it. "Why don't you do to me what you do to she then?" "What +is that?" "You knows." "No." "Yes you do." "I feel it like this." "More +than that." "What?" "You know." "I don't, tell me." There was a pause. +It came into my head that she knew I had licked Martha's quim, and it +had such an effect on me, that down went my doodle, and I was almost +ashamed to look at her; for as said, until I licked Martha, I had never +done such an act, and did it with a sort of belief that I was a great +beast, and should have said so of any man who did anything of the sort. +Indeed after spending in her mouth, I had felt so very much disgusted +with myself, that I left off the licking altogether, and had made the +girl promise she would never tell her sister, nor refer to the matter +again. So I was silent, standing with one hand on her belly just above +her split, and in an uncomfortable state of mind. +

+

+She broke the silence. "Do it as you do it to she." "I don't know what +you mean," I again stammered. "Yes yer do now." "What has Martha told +you?" "Nothing, but I knows." And finding I was about to get on the bed, +"Naw, naw, kiss it." So I put my mouth down on to the hair and gave a +loud kiss. "Naw," said she, "do it as you do it to she, I am a finer +woman than she by long chalks; what is't yer sees to take to her so? you +knows you tickles her with yer tongue." The murder was out. I wanted to +mount her, she baulked me, and kept repeating in a jockular, playful, +manner her request. So I got her to the side of the bed, her large +thighs wide open, and legs hanging down in a favorable position, +intending to please her; she gave her cunt a dry rub with her chemise. +

+

+I began with dislike, but there was something in the novelty which +warmed me. What a difference between her and her sister. I could lick +the younger one's all but hairless orifice with comfort, and she always +laid quiet; but I had to pull open this one's sausage lips and hold back +the dark thick fringe, which got into my eyes and tickled my nose. No +sooner had my tongue touched her clitoris, than the lips closed round my +mouth, and as my saliva worked up on to the cunt-hair by her movement, +it wetted my nose and face, she heaved and bounced her arse so much. +Then her thighs closed round my head tightly enough to squeeze it off, +she buried her hands in the hair of my head, and up went cunt again, +bringing my nose into the hole, then with a jerk she got her cunt away +from me. I was not at all sorry to desist. +

+

+"Oh! do it natural,—do it natural," said she, and her thighs opened and +hung down, showing a slobbered cunt. I went into her just as she lay at +the side of the bed, and in a minute her cunt was wetter than ever. +

+

+I have no doubt that the wench spent almost directly I licked her, but +I did not know it. When I asked her if she liked it, she said, "The +old fashioned way be the best, but I have done the same as she." I +questioned her, but never knew whether her sister had told her or not, +or whether she had peeped and seen us together at it. +

+

+I made her promise she would never tell her sister what I had done. She +hoped I would see her again, but having promised Martha that I would not +have Sarah again, told her so. She said she was tired of watching for +us. The sisters were often quarrelling, and I believe out of jealousy +about me, yet I fucked her again. +

+

+I may mention about the risks I ran, that I was once with Martha on the +bed, when I heard my cousin's voice asking Sarah who was at the door, if +she had seen me pass. +

+

+I could not get the younger readily enough, had been long from home, and +was about returning. I had spent all my money, and told Sarah one day +after I had poked her, that I was going away. Her sister was then at the +mill. Said she, "What will Martha do?" I supposed she would get another +sweetheart. She shook her head, "Martha be poisoned." "What?" "Don't +be afraid," said she, "she be in the family way, we call it poisoned in +these parts, when a girl be'nt married." It was true. The girl had only +menstruated once or twice before I first had her, and now her courses +had stopped. There was no attempt at making a market of me, all needed +was to get her right again. The elder took Martha to a fortune-teller, +and she got better of her difficulty. I borrowed money of my aunt +and giving Martha all I could, went back to London. She left the +neighbourhood. +

+

+I saw Martha two years afterwards, when visiting again my aunt; she was +in house-hold service, and was out for the day. I waylaid her, hoping +to have her again; we kissed and fondled, and with difficulty I felt her +quim, but could not accomplish my wishes; she was going to be married, +and soon after I heard that she was. +

+

+Sarah also was going to be married to a farm labourer, and when I joked +her about his finding her out, she laughed and said, "Lord, he war my +first sweetheart," from which I inferred that cousin Fred was mistaken +about taking her virginity. +

+

+My first cunt-licking, and cock-sucking took place with Martha; I had +never before played such amatory pranks, and all came about by instinct. +For a long time I was ashamed of myself, and never breathed a word on +such subjects to anyone; I don't think I should have done so even to +Fred, but he was then away. Gradually I was learning by instinct the +whole art of love. What made me offer money to get Martha I can't say, +I don't think that I had ever heard of tempting women's virtue by money, +but I never forgot the lesson, and much improved on it as time went on. +

+

+I now had had four women. The difficulties in the way of getting at +them, were very useful in preventing excesses; and kept me in health. It +seems surprising to me now, how little I seemed to have thought of baudy +attitudes, and lascivious varieties; for belly-to-belly poking on the +bed, was nearly all I did. I had still the modest, demure, demeanour +which deceived my mother (coupled with her ignorance of life generally) +and relations, and though very proud of my achievements, kept them much +to myself, never disclosing the names of my women, and only telling one +or two intimate friends of what I had done; who reciprocated by telling +me their achievements. Fucking had eased my prepuce. I made a practice +of pulling it backward and forward several times a day; in fact whenever +I piddled. My prick had grown bigger in the two years, which pleased me +much, but about the size of it I had a curious doubt, which will be told +of further on. +

+

+I was though demure, quite a man in manner and looks, and with women +behaved in a way which one or two of my relatives remarked. I used to +think to myself when talking to them, "Ah! I know what sort of opening +you have at the bottom of your belly." The cousins whose cunts I had had +a partial glimpse of, I used to like to dance with, wondering how much +the hair had grown on them. I used also to think about my sister's +cunt that I had seen when in the cradle, but just then she died. My +experience indeed much increased the charm of female society to me. +

+

+Chance had given me two virgins out of four women, that was a luxury +unthought of, uncared for, and in no way appreciated; the virgins were +no more liked by me than the others. +

+

+Cousin Fred will appear at less frequent intervals, he was away +sometimes for months, then for years, but he is named whenever he played +an important part in my adventures,—he was participator in others which +will never be written about here. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER VIII. +

+
+     Fanny Hill.—Masturbation.—Friend Henry.—Under street-
+     gratings at the gunmaker's.—A frigging match.—Sights from
+     below.—In a back street.—A prick in petticoats.—
+     Evacuations.—Ladies scared.
+
+

+I went back to London, and resumed my preparations. Penniless, I tried +to get money from my mother, but could not. I tried to feel our ugly +housemaid, who threatened to tell. Just then a friend lent me Fanny +Hill, how well I recollect that day, it was a sunshiny afternoon, +I devoured the book and its luscious pictures, and although I never +contemplated masturbation, lost all command of myself, frigged, and +spent over a picture as it lay before me. I did not know how to clean +the book and the table-cover. +

+

+Fascinated although annoyed with myself, I repeated the act till not a +drop of sperm would come; and the skin of my prick was sore. The next +day I had a splitting headache but read at intervals, and again frigged; +and did this for a week, till my eyes were all but dropping into my +head. In a fever and worn out; the doctor said I was growing too fast, +and ordered strong nourishment; but I used to take the infernal book +with me to bed, and lay reading it, twiddling my prick, and fearing to +consummate, knowing the state I was in. It was indeed almost impossible +to do it, and when emission came, it was accompanied by a fearful aching +in my testicles. +

+

+My friend had his book back, my erotic excitement ceased, I grew +stronger, felt ashamed of myself, and soon found a new excitement. +

+

+I had a friend who like me was intended for the Army, his father was a +gun manufacturer. The eldest son died, and the old man saying that five +thousand a year should not be lost to the family, made his other son—my +friend—go into the business. He resisted, but had no alternative but +to consent. Their dwelling-house was just by ours, but the old man now +insisted on his son residing largely at the manufactory where he invited +me to stay at times with him, which I did. +

+

+Several houses adjoining belonged to the old man, at the East-End of +London, where the manufactory was. Some faced an important thoroughfare, +the rest faced two other streets, and at the back, a place with out a +thoroughfare, on one side of which was the manufactory and workmen's +entrance; on the other side stables. The whole property formed a large +block. +

+

+The house faced the better street, the family had for forty years lived +in it before they became rich, and it was replete with comfort. The old +man had since lived there principally, for his love was in his business, +and he had made all arrangements for his convenience. He had a private +staircase leading from a sitting-room into the manufactory, and could go +into the warehouse, or the back street, or out of the front door of the +house unnoticed. The people employed, never knew when to expect him. He +was a regular Tartar, but for all that a kind-hearted man. +

+

+There now lived in the house an old servant with her sister, who had +been many years in the family. One was married to a foreman in whom his +master had much confidence; these three were in fact in charge of the +premises, although nominally the keyes were given up to my friend whom +we will call Henry. The old man wished his son to be happy, allowed +friends to visit him, there was good wine, put out by the old man in +small quantities from time to time, good food, good attendance, and all +to make things comfortable; but the old man resolutely forbade his son +to be out later than eleven o'clock, and kept him as my mother kept me, +almost without money. I expect that the old servants were told to keep +an eye on the doings of Henry. +

+

+The basement was used as store-room for muskets, put into wooden boxes +which stood in long rows upon each other like coffins. It was a large +place and originally only went under the factory, but the old gentleman +gradually as he acquired the adjacent houses, let them, but retained +most of the basements, so that his stores ran not only under the +premises he occupied, but largely under half a dozen other houses of +which he only let the shops and upper portions. On four sides this large +basement had glimpses of light let into it, by gratings in the footways +of the streets. +

+

+At one end and on the principal street was a row of windows, beneath +what was then a first class linen-draper's shop—first class I mean for +the East-End—a large place for those days, and always full. Women used +to stand by dozens at a time, looking into the shop windows which were +of large plate-glass—a great novelty in those days—people waiting for +omnibusses used also to stand up against the shop. +

+

+Henry and I were old school friends, I had seen and felt his cock, he +mine; I had not been with him an hour before he said, "When the workmen +go to dinner, I will show you more legs than your ever saw in your +life." "Girls?" said I. "Yes, I saw up above the garters of a couple +of dozen yesterday in an hour." "Could you see their cunts?" "I did not +quite, but nearly of one," said he. I thought he was bragging, and was +glad when twelve o'clock came. +

+

+At that hour down we went, through the basement stored with muskets; +it seemed dark as we entered, but soon we saw streams of light coming +through the windows at the end; they had not been cleaned for years. We +rubbed the glass and looked up. Above us was a flock of women's legs +of all sizes and shapes flashing before us, thick and thin in wonderful +variety. We could see them by looking up, it being bright above; but +dark and dusty below, they could not by looking down see us, through the +half cleaned windows; or notice round clean spots on the glass, through +which two pairs of young eyes almost devoured the limbs of those who +stood over them. +

+

+As our only way lay through the work-shop and we did not wish it known +that we were there (there was no business done there, unless arms were +being stored or taken out), we went back before the workmen returned +from their meals; but for several days did we go into the place, +gloating over such of the women's charms as we could discern; legs we +saw by the hundreds, garters and parts of the thighs we saw by scores: +quite enough to make young blood randy to madness, but the shadowy mass +between the thighs we could not get a glimpse of. +

+

+"There are vaults," said I, "if there, we could see right up, and be +at the back of the women." We tried unused keys to find one to open +the door, and at length to our intense delight it unclosed. We stepped +across the little open space under the gratings into the empty vaults, +and there arranging to take our turns of looking up at the most likely +spots, we put out our heads and took our fill at gazing. We were right +under the women, who as they looked into the shop windows, jutting out +their bums in stooping, tilted their petticoats exactly over our heads. +If there was no carriage passing, we could at times hear what they said, +but that was rarely the case. +

+

+In those days even ladies wore no drawers. Their dresses rarely came +below their ankles, they wore bustles, and standing over a grating, +anyone below them, saw much more, and more easily, than they can in +these days of draggling dresses, and cunt swabbing breeches, which +the commonest girl wears round her rump. For all that, so close to the +thighs, do chemise and petticoats cling, that it was difficult to see +the hairy slits, which it was our great desire to look at. Garters and +thighs well above the knees, we saw by scores. Every now and then either +by reason of scanty clothing, or short dresses, or by a woman's stooping +and opening her legs to look more easily low down at the window, we had +a glimpse of the cunt; and great was our randiness and delight when we +did. On the whole we were well rewarded. Many as the legs and thighs +are, that I have since seen, I doubt whether I have seen so many pairs +of legs half-way up the thighs, and all but to the split, as I saw in +the times we stood under that big linendraper's shop window. Old and +young, thin and fat, dirty and clean, ragged and neat, there was every +possible variety and number of legs and their coverings. +

+

+There were two states of the weather which favoured us: if muddy, women +lifted their clothes up high. Having no modern squeamishness, all they +cared about was to prevent them getting muddy; and then with the common +classes, we got many a glimpse of the split. But a brilliant day was the +best. Then the reflected light being strong, we could see higher up if +the lady was in a favourable position. We could see if they had clouts +round their cunts, and had some strange sights of which I will only tell +one or two. One day, quite at the end of the gratings, two women, +

+

+neat, clean, plump, and of the poorer classes (for we could soon tell +the poorer classes from their legs and under-clothings), stood close +together. It was my five minutes. Henry was at my back. They had been +standing talking, close together, not seeming to be looking at the shop, +in fact they were at the spot where the shop window finished. One put +her leg up against a ledge, keeping the other on the grating; it was +a bright day, and I saw the dark hair of her cunt as plainly as if she +were standing to show it me. The next minute she gathered up her clothes +a little high, and squatted down on her heels as if to piddle, her bum +came down within four or five inches of the grating, and I saw through +the bars, her cunt open just as a woman does when she pisses. I thought +she was going to do so, when a plantive cry explained it all; she had +a baby, and all the movements were to enable her to do something to +it conveniently. At the same time her companion dropped on one knee, +pulling her clothes a little up, and arranging them so as to prevent +soiling them, she put the other leg out in front, and sat back on +the heel of the kneeling leg. Then was another split, younger and +lighter-haired, partly visible from below, but not so plainly as the +dark-haired one; and they did something in that position for five +minutes to the squalling child. +

+

+I lost all prudence, whispered to Henry; and together we stood looking, +till they moved away. "My prick will burst," said I. "So will mine," +said he. The next instant both our pricks were out, and looking up +at the legs, stood we two young men, frigging till two jets of spunk +spurted across the area. It would have been a fine sight for the women +had they looked down, but women rarely did. They stood over the gratings +usually with the greatest unconcern, looking at the shop windows, or +only glanced below for an instant, at the dark, uninhabitated looking +area. +

+

+This was the beginning of a new state of things. We got reckless; Henry +had business to attend to, I none, I ceased to think about what might be +said of our being so much in the store-house; and used to go by myself, +and stay there two or three hours at a time. Then I gave way to erotic +excesses. My prick would stand as I went down the stairs. I used to wait +prick in hand, playing with it, looking up and longing for a poke +until I saw a pair of thighs plainly, then able to stand it no longer, +frigged; hating myself even whilst I did it, and longing to put my spunk +in the right place. I used to catch it in one hand, whilst I frigged +with the other, then fling the spunk up towards the girls' legs. It was +madness; for although the feet of the women were not three feet above my +head, yet the smallness of the quantity thrown (after what stuck to my +fingers), and the iron bars above, seemed to make it impossible that any +of it should reach its intended destination; but I think it did one day. +A youngish female was stooping, and showing part of her thighs. I flung +up what I had just discharged; suddenly her legs closed, she stepped +quickly aside, looked down and went away. I am still under the +impression that a drop of my sperm, must have hit her naked legs. +

+

+We both also grew more lascivious, having frigged before each other, we +took to frigging each other. I went to my home, on going back, found +he had taken other young men to see the legs. One night five of us had +dinner, we smoked and drank, our talk grew baudier; we had mostly been +schoolfellows, and dare say we had all seen each other's doodles, but I +cannot assert that positively. We finished by showing them to each other +now, betting on their length and size, and finished up by a frigging +sweep-stakes for him who spent first. +

+

+At a signal, five young men (none I am sure nineteen years old) seated +on chairs in the middle of the room began frigging themselves, amidst +noise and laughter. The noise soon subsided, the voices grew quiet, then +ceased, and was succeeded by convulsive breathing sighs and long-drawn +breaths, the legs of some writhed, and stretched out, their backsides +wriggled on the chairs, one suddenly stood up. Five hands were frigging +as fast as they could, the prick-knobs standing out of a bright +vermillion tint looking as if they must burst away from the hands which +held them. Suddenly one cried "f-fi-fir-first," as some drops of gruelly +fluid flew across the room, and the frigger sunk back in the chair. At +the same instant almost the other jets spurted, and all five men were +directly sitting down, some with eyes closed, others with eyes wide +open, all quiet and palpitating, gently frigging, squeezing, and +tittillating their pricks until pleasure had ceased. +

+

+Afterwards we were quiet, then came more grog, more allusion to the legs +of women, their cunts and pleasures, more baudiness, more showing of +pricks and ballocks, another sweep-stakes, another frigging match, and +then we separated. +

+

+I do not think that excepting to Henry, that baudy evening ever was +referred to by me. +

+

+I got up I recollect next day ashamed of myself, and felt worse, when he +remarked, "What beasts we made ourselves last night." What changes since +then. Two of the five found graves in the Crimea, the third is dead +also; Henry and I alone alive. He with a big family, with sons nearly as +old as he was at the time of the frigging matches. I wonder if he ever +thinks of them, wonder if he ever has told his wife. +

+

+I spent much time now in this leg inspection and frigging myself, till +I could scarcely get semen out of me. I hated myself for it, yet went on +doing it, when luckily I lost the exciting sights. Some women happened +to look down and saw us. A man without a hat came several times and +looked down the gratings. Henry's father came to the manufactory, as +he often did, went into the stores, asked who had opened the area-door, +locked it up, had a new lock put on, and forbad anyone to go into the +stores excepting to get out the guns, and so we lost our game. We never +asked a question, nor made a remark on the matter; and came to the +conclusion, that some one had complained to the linendraper that persons +were looking up the women's legs, and that he had written to Henry's +father on the matter. +

+

+I went home used up, and in a state of indescribable disgust with +myself, entirely ceased masturbation, and in a month went again to visit +my friend,—he had found out another grating. +

+

+The back of the manufactory as said was in a cul-de-sac. There were +but the manufactory and stables in it. The workmen entered that side. +There were gratings, and coal-vaults beneath the street similar to those +beneath the linendraper's shop. Workmen's wives bringing their husbands' +dinners, used to stand and sometimes sit down over the gratings, but +their legs when seen were rarely worth the seeing; it was usually but a +sight of dingy petticoats, and dirty stockings. We were however content +to look up at them, for they belonged to women, but soon tired of doing +so. +

+

+One night (we had never been there at night before), for some reason +or the other which I don't recollect we went down and found two women +pissing down the grating, then a man and woman together, and discovered +it to be the pissing-place of the gay women, in the main thoroughfare; +and where if the nights were dark, couples used to come for a grope, a +frig, or even for a fuck at times. The pissing often took place over a +grating, we could hear, and feel, but not see. +

+

+Then we got a common dark lantern, had the top shade taken of, and a +funnel, or short chimney put with a slide, so that when we pushed the +slide off, the light shot up through the chimney, and throw a strong +light on a circle about one foot across. With this we went down waiting +till we heard some one above, then opened the light and saw what was to +be seen. Sometimes we waited for hours without seeing anything, but it +is astonishing what cute-loving, baudy young men will go through for the +sake of seeing a woman's privates. At other times we saw a good deal. If +it were a light night, we saw nothing. No one knew we went down at those +hours, the workmen had gone, and the private staircase from the dwelling +house at any time let us into the factory; from the factory we could go +anywhere on the premises. +

+

+When we heard feet, or a rustle of petticoats over the grating, taking +up the light we sometimes saw a white hum, a split gaping like a dog +with its throat cut, and a stream of water splashing from it. We never +used to move, but sooner than not see it all and as well as possible, +let the stream come over us. Sometimes two women came together; +sometimes we could hear to our mortification that they were pissing on +the pavement close by, without coming over the grating. We could often +hear their conversation. Now and then a woman shit down the grating, +we used to watch the turds squeeze out with a fart or two, with great +amusement. Once a man did the same, we saw prick, balls, and turd, all +hanging down together, we could not help laughing, and off he shuffled +as if he had been shot. He must have heard us. +

+

+There was one woman whose face we never saw, but who came and pissed +over a grating so regularly every evening, and sometimes twice; that we +knew her arse perfectly. We lost sight of her and used to wonder if she +had found us out, for she finished one night with such a loud fart, that +we laughed out,—and she must have heard us. +

+

+One night half a dozen ladies came, we knew they were ladies by their +manner and conversation, which we could hear perfectly, there being no +carriage traffic in the street. "Can anyone see?" said one. "No," said +another, "make haste." We heard the usual leafy rustle, and immediately +a tremendous stream was heard; then two more sat down close together. +I turned on the light at all risks, there were two pretty white little +bums above us, with the gaping cunts, they were of quite young girls, +without a hair on them; the women then were scared I suppose, for they +moved. One said, "Make haste, don't be foolish, nobody is coming." A +rustle again, off went the slide, up went the light; what a big round +bum, what a great black-haired open cunt did we see, and a stream of +water as if from a fire-engine. "Oh! there is a light down there," said +one. Up went the bum, piss still straining down, down went the clothes, +and all were off like lightening. +

+

+Another night we heard two pairs of feet above us, one was the heavy +footstep of a man. "Don't be foolish, he won't know," said a man in a +very low tone. "Oh I no,—no, I dare not," said a female voice, and the +feet with a little rustling moved to another grating. Henry and I moved +on also. "You shall, no one comes here, no one can see us," said the +man in a still lower tone. "Oh! I am so frightened," said the female. A +little gentle scuffling now took place, and then all seemed quiet but a +slight movement of the feet. "Are they there?" whispered Henry from +the vault. I nudged him to quiet, and putting the light as high up as I +could, pushed aside the slide a little only. +

+

+We were well rewarded. Just above our heads were two pairs of feet, one +pair wide apart; and hanging only partly at her back the garments of +a female; in front the trousers of a man with the knees projecting +slightly forward between the female's legs, and higher up a bag of balls +were hanging down hiding nearly the belly and channel, which the prick +was taking. The distended legs between which the balls moved, enabled us +however to get a glimpse of the arse-hole and of a cunt. The movement of +the ballocks showed the vigor with which the man was fucking, but there +must have been some inequality in height; and either he was very tall, +or she very short; for his knees and feet moved out at times into +different positions. He then ceased for an instant his shoving, as if +to arrange himself in a fresh and more convenient posture, and then the +lunges recommenced. He must have had his hands on her naked rump, from +the way her clothes hung, showing her legs up to her belly, or to where +his breeches hid it, or where the clothes fell down which were over his +arm. +

+

+Once I imagine, the lady's clothes were in his way, for there was a +pause, his prick came quite out, her feet moved, her legs opened wider. +He did not need his fingers to find his mark again, his long, stiff, +red-tipped article had slidden in the direction of her bum-hole; but +no sooner had they readjusted their legs, then it moved backwards, +and again it was hidden from sight in her cunt. The balls wagged more +vigorously than ever, quicker, quicker; the lady's legs seemed to shake, +we heard a sort of mixed cry, like a short groan and cry together, and +a female voice say, "Oh! don't make such a noise," then a quiver and a +shiver of the legs, and all seemed quiet. +

+

+When I first had removed the slide, I did so in a small degree, fearing +they might look below and see it; but if the sun had shone from below, +I believe now they must have been in that state of excitement, that they +would not have noticed it. To see better I opened the slide more, and +gradually held the lantern higher and higher, until the chimney through +which the light issued was near to the grating. I was holding it by the +bottom at arms length; and naturally, so as to best see myself. Henry +could not see as well, although standing close to me, and our heads +nearly touching. "Hold it more this way," said he in an excited whisper. +I did not. Just then the lady said, "Oh! make haste now, I am so +frightened." Out slipped the prick,—I saw it. At that very instant, +Henry pulled my hand, to get the lantern placed so as to enable him to +see better. I was holding it between the very tips of my fingers, just +below the feet of the copulating couple. His jerk pulled it over, and +down it went with a smash, just as the lady said, "Make haste, I am so +frightened." A huge prick as it seemed to me drew out, and flopped down, +a hand grasped it, the petticoats were falling round the legs, when the +crash of the lantern came. With a loud shriek from the lady, off the +couple moved, and I dare say it was many a day before she had her +privates moistened up against a wall again, and over a grating. +

+

+Henry and I laughing picked up the lantern and got back to the house; +I went to my bed-room in a state of indescribable randiness. I had for +some time broken myself of frigging, and now resisted the desire, tried +to read but could not, undressed and went to bed. My prick would stand. +If it went down for a minute and my thoughts were diverted, the very +instant my mind recurred to those balls wagging above my head, up it +went again. I tried to piss, the piss would not run. At that time when +my prick was stiff, I used to pull the prepuce back, so as to loosen it. +I laid down on the bed, prick stiff. If it could have spoken, it would +have said, "Frig or fuck, you shall, before I give you rest." So I +pulled the prepuce slowly back,—only once,—and as the knob came +handsomely into view, out shot my spunk all over the bed-clothes. +

+

+Getting up to wipe and make things clean, I saw something on the brim +of my cap which I had worn; the cap was on the table. I took it up and +found a large spot of sperm which had come from the happy couple, it +must have followed the withdrawal of the prick; and had my head been a +little more turned up, it must have tumbled on my face. I did not mind +wiping up my own sperm, but doing so to their's seemed beastly. Yet what +was the difference? +

+

+We heard one night some one squat down, and turned up the light; there +were petticoats, legs and an arse, but instead of the usual slit, we saw +to our astonishment a prick and balls hanging down between the legs, it +was a man in woman's clothes, and he was shitting. The sight alarmed us, +we talked over it for many a day afterwards, for we did not then know +that some men are fond of amusing themselves with other men. +

+

+I never saw but that one couple fucking, but we could hear groping and +frigging going on close by. We heard women say, "Oh! don't!" Gay women, +we heard say, "Here is a good place," but they did not often select the +gratings, why? I cannot tell, for they were partly in recesses in the +wall which enabled people to get more hidden. The bars were wide apart, +and I suppose the regulars did not like that, yet they often used the +gratings for pissing down. +

+

+These sights did no occur all at once, I went home, stopped, returned, +and so on; in the meanwhile not having women, I then frigged, left off, +then took to it again, and so time went on. Fewer women came at last up +the street, we imagined that with all our care, they had found out that +people were beneath the gratings, and avoided them. The favorite place +was the recess at the workmen's door to the factory at which were two +steps; we could hear but not see when a couple was there, we used then +to go up into the factory and listen at the door. Generally, feeling and +frigging was only going on, bargaining for money first. "Give me another +shilling. Oh! your nails hurt. What a lot of hair you have. What a big +one! Oh! I am coming! Don't spend over my clothes," and so on, we heard +at times. +

+

+Meanwhile there was either no servant at my home worthy of a stiff one, +or those who would not take one; and I had no alternative but to frig. +Money my mother again kept from me. What I got, I sent to the poor girl +Martha, who then had not got rid of her big belly; gay women I had +fear of; devoured by desire to get into a woman again, I even looked +longingly at the wife of the foreman who took charge of the house in +which Henry lived, although she was fifty. I recollect seeing her making +my bed one morning, and getting a cock-stand at the sight of the woman +so near a place to lay down on. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER IX. +

+
+     Mrs. Smith.—A brutal husband.—My second adultery.—A
+     chaste servant.—Road harlots.—A poke in the open.—Use for
+     a silk handkerchief.—A shilling a tail.—Clapped.
+
+

+Henry had now much business to attend to, I had none. I used to wander +into the back street just as the men's wives brought them their dinners, +so as to look at them. They were not allowed inside, but if the men +chose to eat inside they could do so, their wives waiting outside. Six +or eight men had their dinners brought, the rest went away. The women +most frequently sat on a door-step, or loitered over the gratings up +which we used to look at night; or squatted down against the wall. I had +once or twice looked up their clothes, but found little inviting, with +the exception of a plump little pair of legs which belonged to a Mrs. +Smith. She looked about twenty-six years of age, her husband twenty +years older, a good workman but a brutal fellow. He bore a bad character +among his fellows, and was thought a brute to his wife. Some said +his wife drank; there was often a row in the street between them at +dinner-time, he used to sit on the door-step and eat his dinner outside, +she standing near him, and her legs came at times over a grating. I used +to dodge downstairs at times at the workmen's dinner-hour, and have a +look up, and that is how I saw, and began to think of the legs of Mrs. +Smith. +

+

+I took a sort of fancy to her, or rather her legs, so plump and clean. +I saw she had a nice clean face with bright brown eyes, and then had +a desire to fuck her. I again had desisted from frigging, had sworn +to myself not to do so again, and now getting strength wanted a woman +badly. Our eyes had often met, I had even got out of her way when +passing her, a courtesy not often then shown by gentlemen to workpeople. +I used to stare at her so, that she began to look confused when I did. +The husband never seemed to notice anything but his dinner, at which he +usually swore. Sometimes I spoke to him about gun-making. I wanted to +poke Mrs. Smith, but there did not seem to be the remotest chance, nor +had I any intention of attempting it, but used to look at her with +my cock standing, and wondering what sort of cunt she had. I had been +brought up religiously, and the idea of having a married woman seemed +shocking. I was shocked when I found that Mary was married. At length I +nodded, smiled, and established a sort of intimacy in that way without +speaking, managing to meet her as it were, quite casually when going to, +or leaving the workshop. +

+

+One day the man dined on the step, his wife standing by his side; down I +went to peep up her clothes and heard him rowing. "Why the hell had +she not got him beef instead of mutton; God damn her, why were there +no potatoes!" That was his style. Angry words passed, the voices grew +louder, I heard a loud smack and a strong oath, he had hit his wife and +gone back into the work-shop. +

+

+There was a great gabbling of female voices over the grating round Mrs. +Smith. "I would not stand it," said one. "It is a shame," said another. +"He ought to be proud of such a wife, an old beast," said another. The +husband came out again. "I have done my best," said she, "you are not a +man anyhow, or anywhere, for two pins I would run away from you." A loud +oath, and another smack followed. +

+

+I heard Mrs. Smith sobbing. "I have had a little drink," said she, "I +told him so. He makes me so unhappy, I must; but I spend scarce a trifle +and it's what I earns myself. Ain't I clean? don't I bring him good +meals?" "You do, you do," said they. "It's a shame," she went on, "he is +not a man, not in bed, not anywhere, not anyhow, I don't aggravate him, +I put up with everything, it's full six months since he's been a husband +to me, although we sleeps in the same bed," she added in a significant +way, "yes, six months full." "Lor," said half a dozen voices together, +then said one, "Don't he do anything to you then?" Things quieted, off +went Mrs. Smith with some of the women, two remained waiting for their +husbands' platters, they squatted down on the step. +

+

+"They're a miserable couple," said one. "Yes, and likely, he is never at +home, no wonder she do take a drop of comfort." "No, it ain't." "She is +a nice little woman, and no man gets his meals nicer." "No, that they +don't." "He's too old for her, but he ain't jealous." "No, in course +not." "Why he ain't done it to her for six months," said one. They both +chuckled then. "Why, my old man don't forget me like that, and he is ten +years older than Smith," said the other. "Ah!" said the first, "he's a +bad 'up altogether, men be a bad lot, the best on 'em." The time-bell +rang, their husbands brought out their dinner-cans, and off the women +went. +

+

+I can scarcely tell what followed exactly or how it came about, for even +now to me it seems astonishing. I was but between eighteen and nineteen, +and had not had the remotest idea of getting Mrs. Smith, though I longed +for her lewedly when my cock stood. I was timid with women until I knew +them well, I could never begin with our own servants until they had +been in the house a few days; yet directly I heard this conversation, a +chance seemed in my way, and without meaning it I followed it up. +

+

+With but little idea of married life or habits, I saw that not only were +they a wretched couple, but that for months Smith had never touched his +wife. I imagined then that married people were always doing it, that +women were randier than men,—a common belief of young people. I +thought: how she must want a poke! how she would enjoy it! Out I went +to see if Mrs. Smith was about, and saw her walking off with a group of +sympathizers, who dropped off gradually, until she was left with one, +with whom she went into a public-house. In a few minutes they came out +and parted. On she went alone, and went into another public-house, and +then wiping her eyes as she came out, went her way alone; I after her, +lewed and thinking to myself, "she has not had it for six months," and +so on. She went into a public-house now by herself. I waited till she +came out, and saw she had been taking to many drops of comfort. +

+

+Without any definite intention as far as I can remember, but simply for +lewed gratification, I went up to, and addressed her. She recognized me +and stood stock still. She had a small bottle of what I found afterwards +to be gin in her hand, which she put into her husband's dinner can. I +told her I was sorry for her, having heard the row and all she had said. +The reference to her wrongs roused her, and she said vehemently, "He is +not a man anyhow or anywhere," and then was silent. I did not know what +to say more, and walked on by her side. After a time she said, "Why are +you walking with me sir?" The only reply I made was that I liked it, +and was sorry she had such a bad husband. She said she would rather be +alone, but I walked on with her she carrying the little tin can with a +cover. I not knowing what to do, offered to carry it for her, but she +would not let me. +

+

+Then she remarked, "You are very good, but don't come any further, +it won't look well for a poor woman to be walking with a gentleman; +neighbors make mischief, and God knows, I have enough to bear already." +My boldness having quite left me, I shook hands with her, which seemed +to astonish her, and off she went. I followed her at a distance, to her +house, which was one of a row of small cottages fronting a ditch, and +a field, on which carpets were beaten, and boys played, a scrubby poor +place as you may be sure. +

+

+I turned back hesitating. One moment wondering at my boldness, and +wickedness in thinking of a married woman; the next, thinking I was a +fool for not having asked her to let me; when I saw in the path, the top +of the tin can she had been carrying. Here was a chance. I walked about +for half an hour before I mustered up courage to go to the house. She +opened her eyes wide when she saw me. "What do you want?" "Here is the +top of the dinner-can," said I innocently. "Oh!" said she, "I am so +glad, he would have hit me if I had lost it." As she took it I entered +and closed the door. +

+

+She had finished the gin, for the empty bottle was on the table. She may +have been more than fuddled, I cannot say; for I was so excited that I +recollect only the most prominent circumstances. I was in a funk, but +my cock was stiff, and that overcame all scruples. The house had but two +rooms: a kitchen I was standing in, the street-door opened on to it. +An open door showed a neat bed in a clean white-washed bed-room. How I +began I know not, but recollect telling what I had heard, and that +for months he had not been a husband to her. That set her off talking +wildly, and she said it all over again. She was sure he was spending his +money on some dolly, hoped she might catch her, then cried, wiped her +eyes and said, "Well, that is no business of yours, I am a fool for +talking to a young gentleman like you, I don't know what you are doing +here." +

+

+"Let me do it to you," said I, "I have seen up your clothes, let +me,—you are so nice, and I want you so badly; why should you not, he +is no husband to you, and you such a nice woman." That was my artless +beginning, or something like it. Fright at my impudence was struggling +against my cock-stand. For a second she seemed speechless, then replied, +"Well sir, you ought to be ashamed,—a married woman like me." "He is no +husband to you, he never does it to you, you know,—I heard you tell the +women so; they laughed, and said he had some hussy whom he did it to." +"That's no business of yours, but he is a bad one," and she began crying +again. "Now go sir go,—if he came home, he would murder me, if he found +you here." +

+

+I don't know how the next came off, but I know I was kissing her, that I +got my hand up her clothes, on to her cunt, that I pulled out my prick, +that the struggling ceased, that I edged her to the bed-room, and that +up against the bed she made a stand. "Oh! my God sir, I am a married +woman, pray don't." Paying no heed, I got her clothes up and as she +stood, was bending and trying to get my cock up her; but she was little, +and I could not; it shoved up against her navel, and motte. That I +suppose stirring her lust, overcame her, for she got on the bed, I got +on her, and up her in a second. +

+

+I was in a bursting state of randiness, and she must have been the same. +I was ready to spend, she readier; for I had no sooner entered her than +her breath shortened, she clasped me tight, quivered and wriggled, and +we both spent. I lay up her, cock ready for further work. Up to that +time I had not properly felt her, nor seen her body. I began fumbling +about, put my hand down feeling cautiously round the stem of my cock and +my ballocks. All was wet, I slid my finger below her cunt (feeling even +near to an arse-hole was then beyond me), there it felt wetter; that +stimulated me, and on I went grinding. She lay with her eyes closed +without speaking. Soon we both went again, I had fucked her twice +without uncunting. +

+

+The quiet dreamy enjoyment had barely began, when she pushed me off +and sat up saying, "What have I done? what have I done? I am a married +woman!" Then comes tears, then a kiss from me, then talk, then tears, +and at intervals she told me a story of a bad, brutal, morose husband, +who had not fucked her for months. Half frightened, half hysterical, it +seemed as much pleasure to her to tell me her misery, as it had been to +have me doing her husband's work. We moved off the bed. "Oh! my God," +said she, "look at the bed." I saw one wet patch as large as a tea-cup, +and another as large as a crown at the spot where her bum had laid on +the counterpaine. "What shall I do?" "Wash it." "But I have no other." +It was a bore no doubt. I left without being able to get permission to +see her again, but only tears, and an expression of her conviction that +she was a wicked woman. +

+

+Although she had not asked me not to tell anyone, which women so often +do who commit these little slips, I did not mention it to Henry. For +three or four days afterwards she did not come to the factory. I went to +her cottage. She was out. At length at the dinner-hour I met her face to +face by the factory. She looked ready to drop. An hour afterwards seeing +her burly husband at work, off to her house I went, and gave a single +knock. She opened the door, nearly fell back with surprise, and before +she could recover herself I was indoors. I had an altercation, a +refusal, almost a fight, but I conquered. Again she was fucked on the +bed, and now for the first time I had a look at her charms, her cunt +unwashed. +

+

+She was a plump little woman, dark-haired on head and tail, her quim was +neither large or small, her thighs round and white, she was an ordinary +person, neither handsome nor plain, and my curiosity was soon satisfied. +She kept exclaiming, "Oh! if he should come home!" I fell to work again +with vigor, and soon again spent. As I got off I observed under her bum +again a large wet place, but now on her chemise. "What a lot of spending +you have done," said I. "I can't help it," said she. My experience was +small, but I knew that from no other woman whom I had stroked, had such +an effusion taken place. Before I had spent I had felt her wetness on my +fingers. I had her on another occasion, and the same thing occurred. I +notice this because I only recollect meeting one other such case since; +Mrs. Smith, like the other to whom I refer, used after a few pushes up +her to squeeze her cunt, shiver, and discharge quite copiously, to +be followed with a second pleasure and discharge when I spent. I only +reflected on Mrs. Smith's peculiarity some years afterwards. +

+

+In about a week I had her again at her cottage. Then she said if I came +any more she would have trouble, for neighbors had already remarked a +gentlemen at the house. I disregarded this, went and knocked. She opened +the door cautiously with the chain up, and seeing me, shut it in my +face. I was then about going to my own home, and feared I should not +have her again, but found out that the husband spent his evenings at a +tavern (I had a strange pleasure in looking at him after I had had his +wife), that he was to be at some workman's carousal, watched him to the +public-house, then ran to his cottage, gave a single loud knock at the +door, which was this time opened unsuspiciously, and in I pushed before +she could scarcely see who it was. +

+

+I had difficulty in persuading her to let me, she was more timid than +ever, but promised that I would never come again. +

+

+Then she got on to the bed. The crisis was just over when we heard a +knock. With a shriek she pushed me off and got up. "He will murder me, +he will murder me," said she. I stood blank with bewilderment, relieved +by another knock and a voice crying "beer." She fell on the floor +fainting, and so alarmed me, that I nearly called in the neighbours. I +put a pillow under her head. I don't know what induced me, for not three +minutes before I was frightened out of my life, but as she laid there +close by the fire (at the knock we had rushed into the kitchen), I +pulled up her clothes. The flickering of the fire showed her thighs +and cunt in a strange light to me. As I pulled her legs asunder, I felt +ashamed, but lust was strong. I looked at the cunt, the novelty of an +insensible woman on the floor excited me, the next instant in spite of +her, for she recovered just as I laid on her, my prick was up her, and +my knuckles on the hard bit of dingy carpet, and as I grasped her bum, +it seemed that my poke was most delicious. So much for novelty and +imagination. I left immediately afterwards. +

+

+Then I went home to my mother. In about three weeks, went to see Henry, +again as I said, but really to get to Mrs. Smith, and found her husband +had been discharged. I went off to the cottage, it was empty. They had +gone no one knew where, and he had half murdered his wife. I wondered if +it had been about me. Then my conscience upbraided me with having +committed adultery. I took to going to church more regularly, and +repeated the commandments emphatically. +

+

+I was now approaching nineteen years, was at home doing nothing but +study, and with scarcely a farthing of money. I tried to get into one +of our servant's unsuccessfully, she was a plain lass, but had a cunt, +which was all I wanted. I began to kiss and fondle her, which she +submitted to demurely. Then by surprise one day got my hand up her +clothes, and between her cunt-lips. She loudly screamed, which luckily +was unheard, for my mother was out. Her cunt felt wet, and I found from +my fingers afterwards that she was poorly built. She rushed downstairs +crying violently, the next day gave warning and left, much to my relief. +She never I am sure told my mother, but I was in a fright until she had +left. +

+

+I restrained myself from frigging, although sorely tempted to do so, and +luckily found cheaper and better relief. Having had but one gay woman, +and having a dread of them, neverthless, my mind involuntarily turned +to them, especially as I now defied my mother, stopped out of nights +latish, and consequently saw more of them. But I had no money. +

+

+Between London and our suburb, there were some lengths of road bounded +by fields, and only lighted by oil-lamps. At places small houses were +being built in side-roads, which were altogether without light. Gay +women of a poor class, were then of an evening about the darkest parts, +or they used to walk where the roads were lighter. They were of that +class who go with labouring men, and were not attractive, although +cleaner and better-looking than the same class now is. +

+

+One evening I worried an aunt out of two pounds, which I had with a +solitary shilling besides; and was returning, when a woman accosted me. +She walked by my side and talked, but I could not afford a soverign, +which was a much larger sum then than it now is, and a shilling seemed +to me a ridiculous sum, so I determined to run, for fear I should be +fool enough to let her have a soverign. "I can't," said, "good night, I +only have a shilling." "Make it two," said she. "I have not got more." +"Give it me then." I stopped in astonishment at the idea of her taking +such a trifle. "She is going to take it and go off," thought I, for +I had known such a thing, but I gave her the shilling and then stood +still. "Well, are you not going to have it?" said she, "make haste." It +was a dark night, but I saw from a white gleam that her clothes were up, +felt where the nick was, and in much agitation thrust my tool up it. +

+

+Having a woman in the open up against a field fence, and without seeing +her cunt, or even her face, was a novelty to me. For a long time I had +been bottling up my sperm. All fear left me, and it seemed the most +delicious fuck I ever had had. In a few pushes I spent, and kept my +belly up against hers in silent delight, till I felt sperm trickling +down over my balls. Telling me to take care of my shirt she drew her bum +back. Scarcely recovered from my pleasure and still wondering how I had +such pleasure with so poor a woman, I suppose I must have said something +of the sort, for she remarked, "Why not? we are all made the same way, +and if some of us had more cheek, we might have as good clothes as the +best, but there are plenty of real gents glad enough to have us," and so +we talked for a minute. I had not felt her and now longed to do so, but +was too timid to ask her. She turned away. I had been wiping my cock +with a silk pocket-handkerchief, to prevent any sperm getting on to my +shirt. A happy idea came. "Let me feel you, and do it again and I will +give you this silk handkerchief, for I have no more money." Laughing +and saying, "I suppose it is silk," she accepted it. I think now of the +exquisite delight, with which I felt the thighs and bum of that poor +woman, who might for all I could see, have had the great, or the +small pox, or have been as ugly as the devil; but I stroked her belly, +twiddled her wet cunt-hair (she had pissed), plunged my fingers into +her wet cunt, and at length spent again in it, with more delight, than I +have had with some of the most dashing women since that time. +

+

+After funking about pox and clap, for a few days, out I sped one evening +to try to get her again, delighted at the economical rate at which I +found it now possible to have women. But I always was liberal, and gave +her three or four shillings. Several times I had had her afterwards and +never saw her face. At length I insisted on going when I could see her. +She refused until tempted by an offer, then agreed to meet me at a +place which she named; saying, "And I will put on a clean chemise and +stockings." I met her, and found her to be about thirty-five years old, +and one of the ugliest women I ever saw. +

+

+She was so plain that all desire left me. I looked her all over, to +which she made no objection, remarking as she pulled up her clothes, +"Ah, you may look, I am as clean as any woman although I am what I am." +I went on looking at, and fiddling her about, but no erection came. She +gave an uneasy motion with her bum and said, "Oh! you are tickling +me so, why don't you get on?" I said I did not want it yet, which so +astonished her, that she sat upright, and looked at me and at my tool. +Then she made me lay down on the poor bed, and mutual feeling soon +brought me to a proper state. "Don't you be quick or you will spoil me," +said she. Her manner was quite different from what it had been on the +high road, it was amorous. I forgot her ugliness, and fucking with all +my heart, spent when her hard breathing, tightening cunt, and clasping +arms, told me she enjoyed it also. +

+

+Then the miserable room, and her ugliness revolted me. I moved to +get off, but she retained me, asking me to talk. Somewhat against my +inclination I did. She laid hold of my prick, pinching it. The gentle +pleasure returned, and it ended in my doing her again, as much to her +delight as mine. She said so. Instead of feeling pleased, it made +her seem to me ugly. I went away, and although I argued with myself, +especially when I only had a shilling or two, yet I never could bring +myself to have her again. When I saw her on the road, I went the other +side of the way, and soon lost sight of her. +

+

+Finding that I had not suffered by my indiscretion, I got bolder, took +the run of the road, and must have had a dozen girls at a shilling a +tail. One night as I fumbled a girl, she frigged me vigorously. "I will +do it this way," said she, "you will like it so." But I refused. "I +will give you such pleasure," said she again, "all the gents say I do +it better than any girl." But again I refused. "I am afraid my monthlies +are just coming on," said she. But up I put it, and went home satisfied. +Two or three mornings afterwards I felt a slight itching at the tip of +my prick, but took no notice of it; the next morning piddling, to +my horror I saw a little yellowish fluid oozing, and sat down in +consternation. I had got a clap. +

+

+This laid me up for weeks, I went to a strange doctor and managed to +keep it from my mother, but was in anxiety as to how I was to pay the +doctor. Fortune and misfortune often follow each other. My long promised +appointment came from the W... Office just as I was getting well. With +overwhelming joy I saw some chance of a little money, beyond what I got +by begging from relatives; and then also my mother, at the advice of an +uncle, who pointed out that in a year and a half I could not be kept out +of my property, allowed me a fair monthly stipend. +

+

+I now found out that women of a superior class, were to be had much +cheaper, than my great friends used to talk of; but at the time I write +of, a sovereign would get any woman, and ten shillings as nice a one +as you needed. Two good furnished rooms near the Clubs, could be had +by women for from fifteen to twenty shillings per week, a handsome silk +dress for five or ten pounds, and other things in proportion. So cunt +was a more reasonable article than it now is, and I got quite nice +girls at from five to ten shillings a poke, and had several in their own +rooms, but sometimes paying half-a-crown extra for a room elsewhere. +

+

+When with but little money, I used to take out my best silk +handkerchiefs, and give them with money, and once or twice I gave +nothing else. One night to a nice-looking girl I said I could give her +nothing but a handkerchief. "All right," said she without a murmur. When +I had fucked her, she laid still on the bed and before she washed her +cunt examined the handkerchief very carefully. "It's a rare good new +one, it will pop for half-a-crown where I am known, where did you prig +it?" looking at me as she spoke, and then added, "Yet you look like a +gentleman too." I recollect it as well as if it were yesterday. I at +that time used to take pleasure in laying as long as I could after I had +spent, then getting up and kneeling between the girl's legs opening her +cunt and watching the spunk at the mouth, or the big drops rolling down +between the cheeks of her bum. I was kneeling so then, and was not a +little shocked at her remark. That girl was young, handsome, well made, +and in the Hay-market would now get anything from one to five pounds, +yet I had her several times for three and four shillings a time. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER X. +

+
+     A big cunted one.—Sister Mary.—A wet dream.—Charlotte
+     reappears.—Consequences.—My first child.—Cook Brown, and
+     housemaid Harriet.—Masturbation and foolscap.—A deaf
+     relative.—An uncomfortable pudendum.—A lacerated penis.—
+     Sudden dismissals.
+
+

+Just at this time the following incident occurred. Going one Saturday +night up Granby street, Waterloo road, then full of women who used to +sit at the windows half naked; two or three together at times in the +same room on the ground-floor, with the bed visible from the street, and +which street I often walked in for the pleasure of looking at the women. +A woman standing at a door seized my hand, asking me in, and at the same +time pulling me quite violently into the little passage. I had barely +seen her, and upon her saying, "Come and have me," replied that I had +scarcely any money. "Never mind," said she, "we will have a fuck for +all that." She shut the door, closed rapidly the outer wooden shutters, +which all the ground-floor windows had in that street, and began to kiss +me and feel my prick. I then saw she was half drunk. Quickly she pulled +me towards the bed, threw herself on it, pulled up her clothes to her +navel, and cried aloud, "Fuck me,—fuck me,—fuck me.—oh! how I want +a fuck, make haste." She was a tall woman with dark hair on her cunt, +neither very long nor thick. As I looked at it, I saw the inner lips +hanging out a full inch, I put my finger, two, then three fingers up her +cunt easily. It was enormous. It shocked me, having never seen such a +cunt before I am quite sure. She meanwhile did nothing but jerk, +and wriggle her arse about, shouting out, "Fuck me,—put your prick +in,—fuck me,—fuck me." +

+

+The look of her thing, its size, and her manner so shocked me, that my +prick refused its work, and I told her so. She jumped off of the bed, +fell on her knees, and began sucking my prick violently, made it stiff +in spite of me, got on to the bed again, and recommenced crying out for +me to do it to her. With a feeling of disgust I got on her, slipped my +prick up and began, but it felt nowhere. I could not make out that it +was up a cunt at all, so loose was it. If it had been in a wet bladder, +it could not have felt looser, and it shrunk up again to nothing. "I +can't do it," said I in a fright, for her manner was so lewed, and +became so ferocious, that it quite upset me. "What! a fine young man +like you can't do it," said she. "No" (and as an apology), "I often +can't do it." Again she got it stiff by sucking it. That quite disgusted +me, but on to the bed and into her again I got. My doodle in a minute +began to shrink, but whilst in her, she wriggled and jerked away so +hard, that I think she must have got a pleasure, for she laid quiet for +a time. I was very glad to get off; but was not to be let off so easy. +"I will give you a pleasure," said she, "I can if anyone can," and +although it disgusted me, for such a thing had never been done to me +before, and I tried to stop her, she dropped upon her knees saying, "You +will come to see me again I know, for a man can always do it one way or +another," put my prick in her mouth and sucked and palated it. I was too +young and too full not to feel it. Spite of myself I spent, and just as +I did, grasping my balls with one hand and frigging the stem with the +other, she drew back her mouth about two inches, kept it wide open, went +on frigging, and the sperm squirted out into her mouth and on to her +face; then she resumed sucking it until every drop was out of me. +

+

+That over, she rose and said, "You will come to me again, won't you? I +will always do that to you, and anything else you like." I gave her a +shilling and promised, but never felt so sick and disgusted with a woman +before. Everything about the woman was repulsive. I have since met four +or five woman with very large cunt-holes, but hers was the largest. I am +perfectly certain I could have put my fist up it. I avoided the street +for some months, which was a great loss to me, for I often used to go +through it, to gloat on the charms of the women as they lolled out of +the windows. When I thought of my prick being sucked, it used to disgust +me awfully, and it was many years before I knew what pleasure it was to +a man, at times; but it never has been done to me again, in the manner +that woman did it. +

+

+Then I saw the woman in taking whose virtue I lost my own,—Charlotte. +

+

+Our cook married. A new cook and housemaid came, the latter a pretty +dark-eyed girl of about eighteen years of age, named Mary. Directly I +set eyes upon her I liked her, and thought I would try to get her. My +clap and cheap pokes, had not made me much in love with gay women; whose +free-and-easy ways somewhat shocked my timidity. Some time had elapsed +since I had had any others, and my mind naturally reverted to the nice +pokes I had had with servants. My chances were fewer than ever. One of +my sisters was now frequently at home, Tom no longer needed a servant +to be with him, and the housemaid was less frequently away from the +kitchen. But I felt myself more a man, my good fortunes made me feel +more sure of success, more prompt and determined in attack. +

+

+At first I watched her closely and thought I must have seen her before. +A resemblance struck me, and I remarked to my mother, "How like that +girl is to Charlotte, who lived with us." "She is her sister," said she. +I was startled, for a feeling came over me that I ought not to try her. +

+

+But it brought my liason with Charlotte vividly to my recollection. The +first meeting, the glimpse of her cunt as she got down from the cart, my +first grope, our first poke, were now constantly before me; and I longed +with all my heart to have her again, though I knew it was hopeless. +

+

+Gradually my mind centered itself on Mary, and as I saw the resemblance +to her sister, I used to wonder how far the resemblance extended. +Whether her haunches were as large, her thighs as round, her cunt so +made, fringed, and dark, and so on; until I desired to have her, as much +for her resemblance to Charlotte, as for herself. Yet I had fear and +reluctance to make advances, because she was Charlotte's sister. +

+

+Meanwhile I was chaste, was in good health and wanted a woman awfully. +Then I had a wet dream; dreamed I had Charlotte in my arms, that she ran +away and left me with Mary, who pulled up her clothes, and invited me to +fuck her. Before I could get in to her, I awakened, found that I was on +my back and was spending on my night-gown. +

+

+I had heard much of these dreams, had had one partially, and now had +experienced a complete one. It threw me into a state of irritation, +but seemed to fix the hidden charms of Mary strongly in my imagination. +Desire so carried me away, that from gently rubbing and titillating +myself, I passed to frigging a discharge, whilst thinking of Mary's +cunt. +

+

+In the morning I had the enervation I have always since felt after these +dreams, and my usual disgust at having frigged myself; a feeling which +was not allayed when I looked at my night-shirt. I had a dread of +letting it be seen, but left things as they were. Mary and the cook made +my bed, and must have seen it. Servants see funny things on beds often. +I wonder what they say, and what they think about it. It can't be easy +for a young woman to see sheets, and night-gowns, spunk-stained; without +its effecting her imagination baudily, and paving the way for somebody +to stain sheets and linen with herself. +

+

+I gave up all idea of attacking Mary, but "cock and cunt will try to +get together." There is no use in resisting it. So again with no fixed +intention, but simply from pleasure for the time being, and impelled +by desire (all my silk handkerchiefs were gone and I was again without +money), and by opportunity, I got to courting, and we soon kissed. I had +pressed her belly against mine, got my hand on to the calf of her leg, +and was on the high road to the snatch at her cunt, which my experience +now told me was the right thing to do, when all came to an end. +

+

+I went daily to the W—— Office returning about half-past four. One day +when about half-a-mile from home, a lady in black silk and with a dark +veil approached me; but as if she had made a mistake, when close to me, +turned on one side and passed on. I looked back and saw she was standing +still, then on she went, and so did I, and had nearly forgotten her, +when I heard quick footsteps in the rear, and some one saying, "Mister +Walter, don't you know me?" I turned round, stopped and tried to see who +it was, but the veil prevented it. She hesitated an instant, then lifted +it, and I saw Charlotte. +

+

+With flushed face, bright eyes and a gentle smile, she looked exquisite. +My heart beat tumultuously, my love returned in an instant. I put my arm +round her, and regardless of the publicity of the place, gave a kiss. +There was it is true scarcely anyone about, but she as well as me when +I had done it, saw the impropriety. "Don't, for God's sake," said she, +"what will people think?" "Let us walk," said I, and pulling her arm +through mine, on we went; I looking into her face all the way, noticing +how much the time which had passed had improved her, and overwhelming +her with questions. I felt overjoyed, as if again I should possess her, +and old times had returned. She for a few minutes seemed to give way +to similar elation. Just then I saw a gentleman named Courtauld +approaching, he was our next-door neighbour. We nodded as we passed, +but the incident altered the current of our thoughts. I led her down a +turning where there were scarcely any people, and saying, "I am so glad +old Courtauld did not see me, for his brother lives just by us, and his +old servant is often there and knows me." She relapsed into silence. I +went on chatting of the happy times we had had, and the pleasures we had +tasted together. She remarked, "Oh! pray don't talk of that any more, +recollect I am married, let me say what I have come to say, and then I +must go." +

+

+"To say to me?" said I. "Pray don't misunderstand me, I thought you +would excuse it," said she getting confused, "besides it is my duty, and +of course knowing what I do about you, I was so afraid of something." +"What do you mean?" "Well if I had known where she was going to I would +have made mother stop it, now I come at once to ask you not to hurt +her." I proposed going into a small half-country ale-house close by, but +she refused saying, that if seen to do so, and it became known to her +husband, it might cause much harm. "Oh! no," said she in a hurry again, +"I must go, I must get back, I came to ask you not to hurt her, promise +you won't for my sake." All this time I was in a fog. "Who—who,—what +do you mean?" said I. "Oh you know,—Mary, I mean Mary, she is my +favorite sister, pray don't harm her." The whole affair was clear to me +at once. "It that what you came about?" I asked disappointed. "Yes, I +have been coming for a fortnight, but could not make up my mind; her +last letter made me determine at any risk to do so, and now dear, +promise me not to hurt her, and I will go." +

+

+I was annoyed and wounded in vanity, for I had almost brought myself to +think she had come for the pleasure of meeting me. I had no intention of +quitting her so soon, felt as if I could not, so chaffed her, "What do +you mean by hurting her?" "Don't talk nonsense, you know what I mean." +"Another case of cock and cunt coming together." "If you talk like +that, you insult me, and I did not think you would." "Well, I love you +and would not like to hurt your feelings, what you really mean is, that +I am not to try to do it to her." "Why of course, don't ruin her, that +is what I mean." +

+

+We had walked without any intention on my part to the outskirts of our +village, where the pew-opener's house was in which Charlotte and I had +spent many an hour in love's frolics. The house was in sight, the hope +of again having her came to my mind. In her excitement, which was as +great if not greater than mine, she had not noticed where we were, until +quite at the angle. The pew-opener was at the door, gave me a nod, and +thinking it possible I might be coming in I suppose, left the door ajar. +"Come in," said I. "Never! oh! no, you have brought me here purposely." +I saw there would be difficulty. "Here is that old Courtauld's +house-maid, damn her," said I. "Where,—where,—which way?" said she +looking in alarm in all directions, but unable to see clearly through +her veil. "There,—there," "just step inside the door till she has +past." She stepped in quickly, the next instant I half pulled, half +hustled her through the little door into the bed-room, slammed the door, +locked it, and stood still, half afraid of my own boldness. She went +to the window and began to peer through the blinds to see the old +housemaid. +

+

+"I can't see her," said she, "she must have passed, tell me which +way she went, and let me go." "Not yet. What do you want about Mary?" +"Promise for my sake, you won't try to ruin her." "Well, let us have +a longer talk, how do you know I want to do so?" "I know you do." "Sit +down." "I cannot." "Then I won't promise, why should I?" "Oh! don't be a +blackguard, don't oh! don't,—you shant have her, I will take care," and +then she burst out crying. +

+

+I loved her so that I felt I would do anything to please her; but wanted +her so much, that I could be cruel enough to do or say anything to have +her again. Desire was the stronger. The sofa, the bed, the room, her +beauty, all made me feel savage with lust, so I temporized. "I am so +excited," said I, "I scarcely know what to say, what to do, tell me +more, what you know, what you want, for all this stems so strange to +me,—sit down." "No." "Sit down only while you tell me." "No." But I +laid hold of her and pushed her on to the sofa, and there I held her, +and after beseeching her to be quiet and kiss me, she did so. Then she +sat for a minute, drying her tears, and began her tale and her request. +

+

+"Mary is my favourite sister, she lived with us for a year after I +married, but mother wanted her and she went home. She grew tired of +being at home, went to service, did not like it and went home again; +again grew weary; and to my astonishment, the last time I went to see +the old people, found she had gone to live with your mother. I was +frightened for her sake, for I love her dearly." "Why frightened?" I +asked. "Why frightened? don't I know you, do you think I have forgotten +all?" "I never thought of doing her harm." "Perhaps not," she replied, +"but I would not trust my sister near you, if she had the least liking +for you, or you for her." I protested I was indifferent to her. "Why +kiss her and squeeze her so?" I began denying it, and she stopped me +saying vehemently, "Now don't tell stories, you never did to me, I know +all, I know you do, you mean her harm, or if you don't, harm will come +of it. Look, here is her letter," and she put it into my hands. To +my astonishment I found Mary had told her sister all, mixed with warm +encomiums of me. I was shut up, and could only say I meant no harm. +"Perhaps! but harm must come of it. It nearly brought me to ruin, for +I would have done anything, lived anyhow to keep near you; but I have +escaped it. Poor Mary may not, for you are older now and may do more +harm! she is a different temper from me, and in despair will go wrong +altogether; so I pray you if you loved me, not to injure her for my +sake. If she came to harm, I should break my heart," and she broke again +into tears, getting up at the same time to go. +

+

+I pulled her back and kissed her tears away. "Charlotte, we cannot meet +and part like this, I love you still, I have never ceased to love and +think of you, oh! let me." I could say no more, for in my eyes then +there was a sanctity about a married woman which stilled my tongue. "Oh! +let me," was all I could say. +

+

+She understood what I wanted, and replied, "I am married and cannot, +let me go." At my entreaties she kissed me freely, yet all the time +struggled to get up. +

+

+I thought to myself, "You have had her. She loves you still. Think of +the pleasure you have had with her. Here she is in your power, and +cannot escape without a riot, which she will fear." Kissing her fiercely, +stifling her voice with my mouth, "I must, I will have you again," I +pulled her violently back on the sofa, and had my hand on her thighs in +an instant. +

+

+"Oh! don't, for the love of God, think I am married, don't make me +afraid of myself; oh! take care, you crush my bonnet, what shall I do, +how shall I get home?" Holding her tight, I dragged the bonnet off her +head, and recommenced. We made such a noise, that the old pew-opener +knocked at the door and asked if anything was the matter. +

+

+"By God," said I, "either I will have you, or you shant go out of this +house this night," and so I struggled on through tears and entreaties, +threats, kissings and promises, till with broken voice her head sunk +back, her struggles ceased, her legs opened, my hand slipped over her +smooth thighs, and nestled in the warm moist slit it had so often toyed +with in time gone by. It is nigh fifteen years since that delicious +afternoon, but I recollect my sensations as I touched her cunt, as well +as if it had been but yesterday. +

+

+Resistance had ceased, for a moment in silent enjoyment I laid with my +fingers in their warm lodging, then too impatient to get to the bed, or +take the full luxury of my fortune, I arranged her on the sofa as well +as its size permitted, with her petticoats up in a heap, and with my +trowsers half unbuttoned, flung myself upon her, and entered the +smooth channel in which I first had spent my virginity. Frantic with +excitement, the pleasure came on ere I was in full up her. She, excited +and loving, clutched me tightly in her arms, whilst her cunt and belly +moved sympathetically. In too short a time we spent together. +

+

+My position was a fatiguing one, I was half on, half off the sofa; hers +was but little less so, yet as long as our privates would keep together, +we kept them so. I poured out my love to her, and joyed to hear from +her that she loved me still. But our position could not last for ever; +gradually I slipped off. My prolonged embrace, my sensuous imagination, +and my love for her had told so upon me; that I was already +contemplating the pleasure of another poke, a desire to see her charms +came over me, I went on to my knees and had a glimpse between the open +thighs, of the half open cunt, from which a love-drop was rolling. She +pushed down her clothes, and sat up, looking at me, and blushing like +the most modest of maidens. +

+

+It is extraordinary what objection so many women have to a man's looking +closely at their cunts. A woman will stand naked, lay naked on her +belly, or bum, stand with one leg on a chair, kneel with one leg on the +bed, be looked at frontways, backways, sideways, and be pleased with the +admiration. You may lay and kiss the outside, put your fingers up and +probe it, rub your knuckles into it, tickle or frig it; but directly +you want to pull the lips open, to see the hole which lays hidden by the +hairy outer lips, to see where your prick is longing to hide its head; +they object, put their thighs together, say, "No, it is not to be looked +at." Or if angrily pressed, reluctantly half yield, throw themselves +down, so as to put their back to the light, lifting one leg so as to +hide the light, and using every manoeuvre to prevent you looking closely +at it; and if you desire to look when it's laden with the efforts of +your love, they will struggle to prevent you. Gay or modest, it is the +same among the English; although a gay lady will yield to please her +friend. With the French the objection is less, a French gay woman +will pull open her cunt with her own hands, and let you pull open her +arse-hole if you can and like it. I have known a few women of other +nations and even of my own as free and easy, but the rule is as I say. +This cannot be modesty. I rather imagine it results from a fear that +some discharge will show itself, and sicken the man's appetite. +

+

+Up jumped Charlotte, and went into the adjoining room. I heard her +splashing away a long time at her cunt, and went to her. I had no desire +to wash away from my person, anything which had come from hers. She +pushed me back. I had a glimpse of her, naked to her waist, washing +something. She said, "My linen is in such a mess I have been obliged to +wash it." She had found much spunk upon it, and washed it for fear of +being found out. She put a petticoat over her neck to hide her charms, +the chemise was so wet that it was almost impossible for her to put it +on, and she did not know what to do. +

+

+"Good God, you will catch your death of cold." I rang the bell and gave +it to the old woman to dry. "Now," said I, "you cannot go, it is of +no use, I must have you again, and will see all your charms, I had +you first, I have had you again, and again I will have you; don't be +foolish, all harm is done." +

+

+Crying, entreating and saying she was married, I got her on to the bed, +and stripping myself was soon folded in her arms. My prick was ready, +she had struggled hard, now saw it was useless, and lay in all her +beauty before me, her head on the pillow and her eyes closed, leaving me +to work my will. +

+

+I saw her as leisurely as my throbbing prick would let me from head to +foot, that she had grown stouter, taller, and was now a splendid woman. +Her breasts were full and hard, her buttock large and solid, her thighs +more rounded, the hair of her cunt thicker. Curiously I opened its lips +and put my finger in, to see if marriage had made any difference, but +was far too young and inexperienced to find it out, if there had been +any. It seemed the dear old split which had so often given me pleasure +before; that look and feel finished me, in another second my ballocks +were bang-iny away against her bum, and she met my embraces with +fervour which too soon came to an end. Repose followed, the luscious +tongue-kisses ceased, our sighs stopped, and we fell asleep. +

+

+But not for long. The wet chemise was brought back. That off her mind +into bed I got with her. The coach by which she now could go home did +not leave until eight o'clock, hurry was of no use; with my finger in +her quim, side by side, mouth to mouth, we laid and talked. +

+

+Her anxiety was about her sister, whom I swore I never would attempt. +That settled her. She wanted to know all about me, that was soon told. +I never mentioned Mary's name, although she asked after her. Then I was +curious about her married life, how she got over her marriage night, how +often he poked her, and so on. I got but little out of her, beyond that +he had not discovered that she had been fucked before, and that he was +a good husband to her; my other questions she said were disgraceful. I +felt mad to think that another man should put his prick where my fingers +then were, so I asked if she enjoyed it with him, whereupon she burst +into a passionate flood of tears, and it closed with her saying, +"Whether I love him or not, he is a good fellow to me, and if I am found +out and disgraced it will serve me right." Would she meet me again? +"Never, never, I love you still, but never again." It ended in another +fuck. +

+

+And so it went on till the time for going. Never in my life up to that +time had desire been so strong in me. When I knew she must go I insisted +on again doing it, but could not come up to the scratch, until with a +sharp frig it stiffened and again it was put up her. What a long hard +poke it was, what a test of my manhood, how proud was I when with a +sharp and sudden pleasure I felt my spunk squirting up her dear quim, +and a spasmodic clutch, a sharp sob and "dear Walter," escaping from her +told me she had spent with me. +

+

+She washed, I dressed, swearing I would never wash my prick again till +I saw her. "I have poked you darling, five times," said I in triumph. +It was the first time I think I ever had done so, but am not sure, +and proud enough I felt. We soon relapsed into sadness and tears, and +telling our love to each other, parted at the coach-. stand. +

+

+I was mad again for her; had now money, and twice went down to the place +to get a glimpse at her and failed, but saw her husband in the shop. We +stared at each other. I wonder if he felt that I should have liked-to +throttle him, for so I did. I wrote and got no reply. I pumped her +sister, to see if I could learn where she walked or went, and got no +information; indeed soon lost opportunity for suddenly her sister left +us. Her father came to ask my mother to excuse her on account of his +wife's illness, and she never came back. I have but little doubt it was +only to get her away from our house, and that it was Charlotte's doings. +I never saw Charlotte again, though I still may do so; but to this day +I have an affection for her, and although she must be forty, should like +to poke her. +

+

+Next year, one day my mother opened a letter, it was from the E——— +family; and read aloud little scraps of it to me, and my sisters who +were in the room. "That family is all doing very well," said she; "Mary +who was with us but three months last year is married." She went on +reading, "And Charlotte's husband has taken a large shop and is making +money.—Ah! I am very glad of it, for she was a nice respectable girl. +Oh! here,—and has just been confined with a fine boy.—I am very glad," +said mother. I looked and found it was nine months after Tom's birthday, +and that that day nine months some one had fucked Charlotte five times. +I was delighted. +

+

+My appointment now made it needful to dine late, so we reverted to a six +o'clock dinner. This neither suited the cook nor housemaid; both left, +and two new servants came. I was about nineteen years old. +

+

+The cook whose name was Brown was clean, fat, and wholesome to look at, +and I should say forty-five years old. She must have weighed sixteen +stone. The width across her arse as I eyed it outside her dress, looked +greater than that of Mary the cook; there was a roguish twinkle in her +eye, which made her look like a good-tempered monthly nurse, her eyes +were blue and her hair brown. +

+

+Harriet the housemaid was very tall, and very sallow, had jet-black hair +and black eyes, with the expression of a serpent in them. She showed +splendid teeth when she laughed, and then looked half cat, half hyena. +She never looked you in the face long, was so quiet in her movements +that the cat moved less noiselessly; she startled you by being close to +you when you did not know she was near, and had a sneering laugh. After +a day or two my mother remarked she did not like the pair, and was sorry +she had engaged them. +

+

+Up to this time I had only poked two servants, Charlotte and Mary. +Others had not been to my taste. With one I tried it on and failed, and +when randy now could not help thinking of the couple in the house. I +tried it on with Harriet, but she so snubbed me, that I set her down as +an impregnable virgin. Then I turned my eyes to Brown, though it seemed +absurd to think of such a fat middle-aged woman; but I one day chanced +to see that she had a very fat pair of calves, and I knew she must have +a big arse; and as fat legs had an irresistible attraction for me, I +tried to see more of them, but without the thought of taking liberties +with their owner. +

+

+I saw her legs again, from thinking of them and her rump, my mind +naturally went to her cunt, which I pictured must be very thick-lipped +and hairy like that of Sarah's, whose cunt had made a great impression +on me. Her age then seemed to fade from my mind, and I used to follow +her when going upstairs, trying to see her legs, and flattering myself +she did not see what I was after, but she knew it as well as I did. +

+

+One day going upstairs she stumbled upon her dress, and as if to prevent +doing it again, held it up, so as to show nearly to her knees. When she +got on the top stair she turned round, and as if she had only just seen +me, dropped her dress quickly. Another time she stooped and jutted out +her bum, so that I saw a good deal up the clothes, whilst she pretended +to be doing something to her boot. It seemed to me accidental, but it +was all intentional. +

+

+Then my prick used to stand when I saw her. About nine o'clock one +morning she came into the garden when I was there, and gathered +some herbs. Her stooping posture gave me a cock-stand, and under its +influence I joked her about her legs and my seeing them. She gave a +suppressed laugh and saying, "Lawd! did you sir?" went down into the +kitchen. What made me go down I do not know, but five minutes afterwards +I did so; and just by the kitchen door, saw her with one leg on a chair, +putting up her garter. +

+

+I stood stock still and silent. She adjusted one garter neatly, then put +up her other leg, unrolled the garter, pulled up the stocking and put on +the garter quite deliberately. I saw the flesh of her large thighs, for +her garters were tied above the knees, and she pulled up her petticoats +freely. Putting down her clothes she turned round, saw me, then with a +grin said, "Lawd sir, how you startled me." +

+

+Bursting with randiness I lost all prudence. Mother, sister, Tom, and +the other servant were about the house, but up to the cook I went, +whispering, "I saw your legs, what jolly ones, what thighs, what a cunt +you must have, let's have a feel," and got one hand up her clothes. +She pushed me away saying, "Hish! here is missis." It was a lie, but it +frightened me away. +

+

+The same evening I went downstairs after our dinner. The housemaid had +been sent to the circulating library. Mother, sister and Tom were, as +they usually were after dinner, when the weather was warm; sitting in +the summer-house at the bottom of the garden. I usually sat with them, +but slinked into the house, and down into the kitchen; which being +underground was darkish, although then it was light until eight o'clock. +Cook when she saw me, grinned and became familiar, for she was a regular +old stager, and knew well, that when a man wanted to take liberties with +her, she might safely take them with him. "What do you want?" "To feel +your cunt," said I, "see your legs, feel that crummy rump of yours, +cookey." "Then you won't," said she laughing, and lifting a heavy +saucepan off the fire with both hands, she carried it towards the sink +in the back kitchen. Randy and ready, I saw my opportunity; and as she +neared the sink, thrust both hands up her clothes, grasped her arse, and +was fumbling for her slit; when putting down the saucepan with a bang, +she flung round, and hit me such a slap on the head as knocked me over, +saying, "Why, you young devilskin, it would serve you right to tell your +mother of your capers," and then she stood and laughed at me. +

+

+I persisted, kissed the old party, and told her how I wanted her, for +indeed at that moment I would have fucked her, if she had been eighty. +She repulsed me saying in a whisper, "Harriet is upstairs." "She is +going out," said I. "Wait till she has, if she hears you, she will make +mischief." As I felt this might be true, I desisted. +

+

+I went back to the garden thinking, and hoping mother and sister would +not go indoors. When Harriet had gone oft, I went back into the garden +parlour quite leisurely (for mother could see me do that), then down to +the cook. It was nearly dark. In a minute I had pushed her up against +the dresser, was groping her, and she was feeling my prick and ballocks +with seemingly hearty enjoyment. She opened her legs to give me every +facility. I attempted to get into her, but her clothes and big belly +prevented me. She held my prick against her cunt, so that it pushed +against her orifice, but did not go up it; and such was my state, that +I spent against it. She kept hold of the prick, rubbing it, and gently +squeezing it, until not a drop of sperm was left in it. Then for fear +of being found out, upstairs I went again. The whole business, had not +occupied five minutes. +

+

+I had once spent by accident in Mary's hand, and had fear lest it should +disgust her. There was something about this affair, which seemed quite +different. I could scarcely make out how, with a cunt close to my prick, +I had spent as I had done. The next night came, I tried it on at the +same hour with the same result. She not only let me feel her, but put +my fingers to her cunt, at a place where she wished me to rub her, she +meanwhile frigging away at my prick. But I wanted more than this, and +just as it was too late, she let me put my prick in. At the first spurt +of my spunk, she by a twist threw my prick out, and caught hold of +it with her fingers, letting me spend over her thighs and linen, but +squeezing and frigging at my doodle until it had shrunk thoroughly down. +

+

+For a month the same thing occasionally happened. She would let me +finger, feel, rub her (in the nearly darkened kitchen), putting one leg +on a chair, or stooping down, or any way to let me feel both inside and +outside well. When I got my prick out, she immediately began to frig it. +I used to have quiet rows with her, for not letting me put it into her; +and when at length she did, I was always near spending; and do not think +that more than once, I spent up her completely, so did she manage to +throw me out just as my sperm began to flow. All was done standing up. +

+

+She treated me like some one she had known for years, did everything +before me, talked both baudily, and beastly, called my balls, my cods, +and used to say, "Hish! let me piss first." Then she would sit down on a +pail in the back kitchen and piss, sometimes farting, and saying, "oh!" +with a laugh, when she did so. She would belch without ceremony, blow +her nose through her fingers, and I noticed she never washed her hands +(whilst I was present at all events), when I had spent upon them. +She would say, "How are your cods off for starch to-night?" She was +complaisant enough in letting me feel, would turn her backside round and +let me fumble about it anyhow, but although want made me do what I did, +it never seemed quite pleasant to me, and I disliked her. I never got a +glimpse of her belly or cunt. If the front-kitchen was not dark enough, +she moved to the back, before we began our pranks, and scrupulously +avoided light. Her cunt I felt was a large one, but so far from having +the quantity of hair I expected, she seemed scarcely to have any. One +thing she did which annoyed me. After feeling my cock, she would slide +her hands under the balls to my arse-hole which she would press hard +with her middle-finger, giving a "tchick" with her tongue, at the same +time. +

+

+All this took place in about six weeks. "Hush!" said she one night, +"some one is listening." I could hear nothing, but she whispered, "Go up +to the garden." I did. It was dusk, and I thought I saw a figure enter +the garden parlour, just as I got up the garden stairs. All were out +but me and the two servants. Cook at the same time went up the +kitchen-stairs, calling out loudly, "Harriet, is Master at home, do you +know?" +

+

+A few days afterwards when at our fun, we stood in the door jamb; +Harriet was at the top of the house. Said cook, "If I push you hard by +the shoulders, go out into the garden at once, without saying a word." +It was nearly dark. The kitchen garden-door was shut, but she opened it +wide, before we went to work. I had my prick against her cunt, when a +push came; off I went buttoning up, and after a time across the garden, +into the parlor. Afterwards Harriet brought up lights, her eyes cast +down as usual. The next day the cook whispered to me, "It was that bitch +Harriet watching, I found her coming downstairs with her shoes off, +saying she wanted a candle;—but I will be even with her." +

+

+I never had the cook but once after that. She would not let me. The two +servants quarrelled so, that my mother threatened to dismiss both. When +I tried it on with Brown, she said, "Why don't you ask Harriet, you +young devilskin?" I told her there was no chance. She said she was quite +sure that I should not be the first. Another day she repeated it saying, +"I bet she will let you, the baker has had her I believe." Then she put +me up to watching the baker with Harriet. The man came in the afternoon. +Just when I returned one afternoon, I posted myself at the garden +entrance-gate from the fore-court, from which door ajar, I could see the +street-door. The baker after giving her a kiss, made a poke at her quim +outside her clothes, which she returned by knocking a loaf against his +trowsers just by his tool, and laughing. This I told the cook, who said, +"She will let you, if you try, young devilskin, she has seen you and +your cods naked." "Seen me naked?" "Both of us have," and then she told +me how. +

+

+Opposite my bed-room door at the end of the room, was a cheval-glass, +between it and the door was my sponging bath, then a big tub. Any one +looking through the key-hole could see me naked, when I was in it. +I took the bath directly I was up, which was at about the time the +servants went down. Many a time have I looked at myself naked in the +glass, making my prick stand, to see how I looked in that condition. +Both servants had seen me so. They had sometimes arranged the key so as +to leave the hole clear. Never had it occurred to me that I should be +so looked at, although I had often looked through a key-hole myself, +at women. The cook made this clear to me, by standing in the tub and +requesting me to look at her through the keyhole. +

+

+We arranged that I should bathe the next morning and suddenly open the +door. "Pull your cods about well, and I warrant Harriet will look as +long as she can," she said. I did so, heard the servants door carefully +open, and then frigged my cock, till it was as stiff as a poker. +Stepping out of the bath with a towel, as if to dry myself, I opened the +door suddenly, and found Harriet just rising from a stooping position. +She rushed downstairs but quietly for fear of awaking my mother. For all +that I could not make up my mind to try Harriet, but tried to get Brown +again. "No thank you, young devilskin," said she "not with that bitch of +Harriet about." +

+

+Then I had a strange erotic fancy. Randy with abstinence and fearful of +Harriet, I took to frigging and spending against a piece of paper pinned +against the wall of my room, opposite to the glass, and when standing in +the tub. +

+

+Autumn was coming. As I could not then get leave of absence, my mother +with my sister from school, and little brother, went without me on a +visit to my aunt in H—f—shire, leaving an old female relative who was +very deaf, to take charge in her absence. Cautioning her especially to +make me comfortable, and look sharp after the servants, she said that +she could not bear them and would perhaps dismiss them on her return; +for she had heard them using foul language to each other. I heard this. +

+

+Cook gave me unasked her opinion, that Harriet would let me sleep with +her. Instigated by her, I asked Harriet how I looked naked. She did not +reply, and went downstairs. I overheard them quarrelling. Afterwards I +asked her before the cook. She did not know what I meant, she said. +I then asked the cook if she had not been looking at me through the +key-hole. Cook laughed saying, "He caught you, Harriet once, he caught +you." "You are a liar," said Harriet. "Oh! if it comes to that," said +cook, "we have both seen you naked a dozen times." There was a row +interrupted by my deaf relative coming home. The same afternoon cook +whispered to me, "Come to our room when we are both in bed." +

+

+That night with candle in my hand and in my nightshirt I crept +stealthily into their room; both were awake, Harriet sat up in bed +staring at me. When I entered cook asked me what I wanted. I replied, +"To see as much of them as they had seen of me," and pulled up my +night-gown to my waist. Cook laughed, Harriet said, "Now leave the +room." "If you are a fool and make a row," said cook, "we shall be both +sent off." Just then we did hear some sort of noise, cook sat up and +listened. "It is nothing," said she, and with a grin laid down. I drew +off my night-shirt, standing then naked, and Harriet laying down with a +modest look; I felt encouraged, extinguished the light, and jumped into +bed by the side of Harriet. The bed was so small I was obliged to hold +on to her, to prevent myself falling out. She turned round her bum +towards me and got close to the cook, which gave me more room; and for a +minute we all three lay as close as three herrings in a barrel. +

+

+Darkness encourages baudiness. Harriet had tucked her clothes tight +round her, but I could feel her bum outside, and there did not seem much +of it. I tried to push my fingers between its cheeks, and there was +much struggling and quiet complaining on her part, and joking on mine. +Harriet appealed to the cook to help her, but she only chaffed and +chuckled. At length putting my hand towards the bottom of the bed, I got +hold of her night-gown end, gave it a pull, and it came clean up, the +next moment my naked body met hers from her heels to her waist. She gave +a howl, cook said, "I'll go into young devilskin's room, and leave you +to take care of him," got up and went across to my room, and into my +bed; and there was Harriet and I in bed alone. +

+

+She seemed furious, I felt her over, she was powerless, I dared her +to call out, and at last in one of her writhings to escape my fingers, +getting on her back; I rolled on to her and pinned her under me with my +weight; but her legs were tightly closed, and so for a moment I laid +my stiff prick between the shelving of her thighs, the tip just laying +buried in the hair of her cunt. +

+

+"I can feel your cunt with my prick, I am on it, let me do it," said I, +and struggled to force her limbs open with my knees. +

+

+"No," said she. Again I asked and got a request to get off. "Not if I +lay here all night," said I. I did lay for some minutes, she complaining +of my being heavy, and hot; I every minute trying to wriggle my prick +between her legs, coaxing and kissing, and begging. "What made you think +of coming here with both of us in bed?" said she at length. "Wanting +you." "It's funny," said she, "and Mrs. ——— downstairs." "You know," +said I, "that unless you bawl she cannot hear." At length I told her +that if I did not do it inside, I must do it outside, and began shoving +my prick up and down, which made her restless. She asked me if I would +tell the cook. "No." Gradually her thighs opened, I slipped down between +them, and felt my prick at the portals of her cunt. +

+

+The rest was quick enough. I felt my way through a mass of hair to +a low-down slit, a hole which seemed tight, and as I guided my tool, +fancied for an instant I was again going to have a virgin. I was +mistaken, but the entry needed a hard, sharp, and painful push to me, +and a comparatively easy passage followed. No sooner did I feel up, than +all came to an end, spending copiously I sunk on her, long before the +strokes could have told on her sensations, for in a savage voice she +said, "Now, get off, I hope you are satisfied, and that beast Brown has +got me as she thinks. Now, I suppose you are going." +

+

+I rolled off, but let her know I meant to stay. There seemed something +odd about her which awakened my curiosity. The knob of my tool seemed +to catch as it came out and hurt me, so I began feeling, which I had not +done before, nor did she want much solicitation to feel me, and as she +did so, it struck me she was not unaccustomed to the feel; but her cunt +was a wonder, it was so small and tight on the outside. The feeling +had a good effect, and in half-an-hour I got up her again. And what a +difference! After a few thrusts she gripped me like a vice, she did not +heave, but writhed and wriggled in a way which in my young experience I +never had noticed before; she threw her long legs round me and with her +equally long arms tried to feel my balls from behind. Then a certain +feeling of constriction in her cunt seemed to hurt, but it brought me to +the crisis just as with a last wriggle and sigh her limbs relaxed, and +she became quiet. I laid for some time in her, but although gradually +reducing, my prick did not come out. I attempted to withdraw it, and +it seemed sore and as if something caught the knob and kept it back. At +length out it came, and we both fell asleep. +

+

+Some one pushed me. It was the cook. "Now young devilskin," said she, +"be off, or you will be found out." It was broad daylight. She pulled +the clothes off us. I was on my back with my privates visible. There lay +Harriet on her back also, with everything visible from her knees to her +breasts, and I saw for the first time her black cunt-fringe. The cook +grined and awakened her. Up she got, off I went to my room, and found my +prepuce torn at the top, raw and all but bleeding. +

+

+When I saw them the next day Harriet was savage, for the cook was +chaffing her. The next night I again turned the cook out and had +Harriet. On the third night the cook was restive. "You may do what you +like together, I shant take any notice of you," said she, "but I am not +going to be turned out of my own bed." When I began to fumble about +her, with the view-to annoy her into leaving, she struck out right at +my bal-locks saying, "If you annoy me, I will soon settle you for the +night," and it ended in Harriet coming into my bed-room. +

+

+I examined every part of her body much against her will, nor did she +fail when she warmed under my overhauling to look at me. But a woman is +soon satisfied, and when she has squeezed the balls, and looked at the +tip, she has done. Some men—and I am one—are insatiable and could +look at a cunt without taking their eyes off for a month. So I satisfied +myself well, and at times afterwards,—for she was a peculiar, and an +unpleasant woman in every way, one of the out-of-the-way ones not often +met with, and one I never want to meet again. +

+

+She was quite five feet ten high, her face was sallow and nearly white, +her eyes sloe black, but with the look of a dull serpent in them, her +mouth large, long, and straight, teeth white and large, and the whole +were shown when she laughed, and then she had half the look of a wild +beast. Whenever she smiled baudily, her look was still more unpleasant; +when thoroughly lewed, her eyes opened on you with a still worse stare; +often just before she spent I have seen them, and they startled me. +

+

+Her hair was jet black and magnificent, it fell nearly to her waist; her +shoulders were broad, but there was scarcely more breast than on a girl +of fourteen, and seen sideways she looked more like a man than a woman. +Her ribs you could count as she lay; she was very wide across her hips, +but she had almost as little flesh on her buttocks, as on her shoulders; +her belly was flat, and as she laid down seemed to fall in, and the +sides rose to the two projecting hip-bones; in fact she seemed to want +filling up all over, and yet she was not like a skeleton. +

+

+Her legs were thin, her thighs seemed closer than in other women's. I +used to say when fucking her, "Open your thighs." "They are open," she'd +reply, "they are the same as other women's." She had a huge conceit of +herself, and if I said other women's seem to open more, used to reply, +"What do you know about it?" +

+

+Her cunt was set in a quantity of longish black hair, strong but not +very curly. I didn't much like the look of that. The slit quite hidden +by the hair was long and the lips thin; of inner lips she had none, and +the first idea as I pulled aside the hair was that the cunt was large; +instead of that, low down, and near to her arse-hole was a hole not +bigger than that of a girl's of ten years; you saw both holes quite +close together. Her cunt was in fact a study. Something seemed to bar +the passage; for about an inch further up it seemed smaller. The whole +thing seemed out of proportion, yet I could not say how, or where that +deformity was, with the experience I then had. +

+

+Her arse being so flat, her cunt-hole so low, and her thighs so close, +my prick as it entered seemed to bend under in some way and hurt me; my +tight prepuce was often torn rudely down, and frequently bled. When I +probed her cunt with my finger it never seemed to have the soft buttery +feel I had been accustomed to, but to be harsh; so I found it best to +wet my prick copiously with spittle when I had her. Then off we used to +go; she raising her long legs until her heels were above my buttocks, +writhing and wriggling under me and finishing her pleasure with a sort +of snort. Then my prick would be up her until quite small, when with +pain at the knob, I pulled it out, making a sucking noise as it came +away; nor do I think till pulled out, that any spunk left her, such a +fit it was at the mouth. +

+

+I had much opportunity with her for a few weeks, and she took good care +that she would have her fill of me. She took sleeping with me as a mater +of course. I used to awaken and find her twiddling it up. If I went up +to my room in the middle of the day and Mrs. ——— was out, she came up +directly, and I had her, for I felt ashamed to say I did not want it. I +am not sure, and at that time did not know much about the thing, and how +little a woman really lascivious will stop at, but believe that in the +night when I was asleep, she used to suck me up; for I have awakened and +found her with her face upon my doodle kissing it. She asked me to kiss +her black pussy, and now think she must have wanted me to lick it, but +did not then see what she wanted. There was one thing I did with her +which I had not done before, and which the flatness of her backside +favored doing, fuck her from behind, both laying on our sides, and it +became my favorite way. I used to go to sleep after my spend with my +prick up her in that fashion; she with her long arm put between her +thighs clutching by balls. +

+

+I was constantly at her, and more by her randiness than mine. The cook +used to grin and say, "Well young devilskin, you seem jolly well knocked +up," and made Harriet savage by saying, "Have a little mercy on him." +The cook now took no notice of me, she was a coarse beast, would go to +the servants' closet leaving the door wide open, and begin to talk with +me as I passed; Harriet called her a beast one day for doing so. +

+

+I found that the cook after going to her room used to go down again. +Harriet would let her out and she stayed out all night, Harriet letting +her in in the morning. One night Harriet did the same, saying her mother +was ill. I spoke to the cook about it; she said, "Her mother! pugh—she +goes to see the baker." I began to feel very uncomfortable about these +tricks in case it came to my mother's ears, and that I knew of them. +

+

+The cook asked me to look carefully at Harriet's belly, and explained +to me that I should find certain marks of her having had a child, and to +tell her (cook) if I did. I could not find them. "I am sure she has had +one for all that," said cook. I never told Harriet what I had looked +for. The cook one day said, "If you tell Harriet what we have done +together I will split on you both and tell your mother. I don't care a +dam for the place and am tired of service," so I held my tongue. Harriet +always declared she was a virgin until she had me, and that the cook had +had two or three children. I did not tell Brown that, for fear of a row +between them. Another night that Harriet stopped out, the cook said, +"You may come to me if you are frightened to sleep alone." I went. She +undressed, pissed and farted; but seeing her fat form, into the bed I +got. When I was stiff she said if I would tell all about my doings with +Harriet I might poke her as I liked. I told her most that she asked me; +but she threw my prick out just as I spent for all that. +

+

+Things were now uncomfortable, they quarreled so. One night I asked +Harriet who was frigging me up, whether the baker did not do it enough +to her. She dropped my tool, rushed across to the cook, said that she +had been telling about her, and made such a row, that even my deaf +relative was awakened, and came out of her bed-room asking from below if +anything was the matter. I was on the landing when I saw the light and +hopped across to my own room in a fright. Up came the old lady, the +cook came out and said, "Harriet is very unwell Maam, can you give her a +little brandy?" I had no fuck that night. The next night she began about +the baker. I would answer nothing. She said, "If I have had him it's my +affair; at all events it's an insult to a woman whom you never gave the +slightest present to yet." +

+

+I was struck with that. My allowance was due, and I took her home some +article of jewelry. She made me for the ensuing week fuck her till I +was as dry as a bone, and my very arse-hole ached the last time I did +it,—it was the day before my mother returned. She sat on the side of +my bed and frigged me for a quarter of an hour before she got it stiff, +saying that I did not seem to like her as I used to. +

+

+My mother and sister came back. I never got a poke for a fortnight. When +mother returned nothing would get it out of her head, that I had not +been out late of night; it never could be got out of her head that it +was late at night that did the harm. Not being able to get Harriet now, +I waited for her one night as she went to the library. As I got near a +wall by our house, I saw a man and a woman standing close up against it +together; the man went away directly I approached, and I saw Harriet. +"There was a man with you?" said I. "Yes," said she, "it was the baker, +whom you have heard such stories about, I am going to marry him." I +pulled up her clothes, and to my surprise she resisted, for the first +time saying, "I want to piddle," which she did, and then I had her. Her +height made an uprighter easy, her quim did not seem to need so much +wetting as usual. +

+

+A day or two after this event I came home, my deaf relative opened the +door. Finding that she was laying the cloth, I asked, "Where is the +servant?" My mother said, she had turned both the hussies away, and +the people who gave their characters ought to be prosecuted. With heart +beating I asked what was the matter. "It's not needful for you to +know," she replied, "they are a bad couple." I saw at once I was not +implicated, so asked no more, nor did I ever see them again; though +about ten years after, I met in the streets a tall gaunt haggard woman +who stared at me, and I think it was Harriet. +

+

+For some years this episode seemed a funny one, especially the cook's +uncunting me just as I began to spend, but of course I know now why she +did it, or fancy I do. +

+

+Her inciting me to get Harriet also astonished me, but I have since +found girls anxious to get others into the same way as themselves. Many +I am sure like doing that, and all girls who have been fucked illicitly +like other girls to do the same. +

+

+Harriet was a lewed bitch. I never liked her, and her cunt always gave +me pain as well as pleasure, but she was at hand, and so I got into her +of course. I can't even now make out what was the matter with her cunt; +for though she would let me look at it at times, she always hindered +a quiet inspection, besides I could not at that time of life look at +a cunt for a minute without my cock standing. Then I rushed it up the +machine and had done for a time. I had seen one virginity, but that was +but for a minute, for I pricked it directly. All I recollect afterwards +was that it did not look as open as other cunts, I could not describe +it. I did not care about virginities and never thought about them. I +liked best a good, large, fat-lipped, hairy hole into which my prick +glided easily. When Harriet said I took her virginity, somehow I felt +sure she was lying, but had it been true I should not have noticed it, +as far as my pleasure was concerned. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XI. +

+
+     Charwoman and daughter.—At a key-hole.—Cutting corns.—A
+     shower and a barn.—A fat rumped Devonian.—Suggestive
+     pictures.—A bum-hole offered.—Erotic madness.—Remorse.
+
+

+We could not get servants for some time. A middle-aged charwoman came +to assist, and one of her daughters came from time to time, stopping +generally the night. Their cottage was not far off, I had seen the +girl from an infant, she was then about eighteen years old. I had often +smiled when I met her, of course I smiled now. She was quite a slim +little girl, there was nothing of her, but I was at an age when anything +having a cunt attracted me. +

+

+Profiting by experience, I now used key-holes; fortune favored me, for +some reason instead of one large bed, two small ones were put into the +servant's room; between them a wash-stand and a chair on each side of +it were nearly opposite the key-hole. How I chuckled at this, for unless +the key-hole was covered, I could see nearly all one bed and both chairs +and wash-stand. I saw the old woman wash and use the pot, put on her +stockings and other things, the other bed was a little out of range. I +could not so often see the girl, but did at times. +

+

+One evening the girl only stopped. So soon as I heard mother's door +closed, out I went in my nightshirt, and through the key-hole saw the +girl naked. She put the light on the floor, one leg on the chair, and +with a small hand-glass looked at her quim, her bum was towards me. Not +satisfied she turned round, sat down facing me, putting the candle +on the floor and with legs so wide open as she could went on with her +investigation. I had a reasonably good look at her, and her cunt. As +said; she was nothing to look at, but I got in a fearfully excited state +and made some noise at the door which alarmed her, for up she got +and stood still listening. I went to my room, looking through the +half-closed door, hers opened and out came her head. I nodded and back +she went. +

+

+The next day she was going home, and as I now (although having rows with +mother about it) went out when I liked, just before she left I went out +and walked. It was dark. In two or three minutes out she came. After +walking by her side for a time I asked her point blank how she liked the +look of it last night. "What do you mean?" I told her all I had done. +"Oh!" she said with intense surprise, "what a mean thing to do." I told +her how one of our former servants used to look at me naked. After a +minute she did not appear to be at all disconcerted at having been seen +naked; from my description she could have had no doubt what ever that I +had seen all. "What did you look at your quim for?" asked I. "Ah! that's +my business; what did you look at me for?" "To see your cunt." Being at +a dark part of the road I began kissing her, and got my fingers on +to her belly. She made no row, but crossed her legs; and small and +seemingly weak as she was, succeeded in preventing me feeling. I was +out with her an hour, kissing, coaxing, attempting; I got my fingers and +hand over her bum and belly, but not on to her slit. At each failure she +laughed and said, "done again." I swore I would some day. "No you won't, +you're not the first that has tried," said she, and I went home without +having felt her quim properly. +

+

+I attempted it the next day and at every opportunity in the house and +out of it, till new servants came. She felt my prick, would look at it, +squeeze the balls, talk about fucking and baudiness to any extent, tell +me what she had seen, and what she had heard about such matters. She at +length scarcely resisted my feeling her bum, belly and legs, yet I never +got my finger on to her slit, so as to feel the moisture; for she closed +her little legs and wriggled, or got away from me somehow. Once or +twice when I got a little rough, she set up a squeal, and I desisted. I +offered her money. She replied, "No thank you, I am not going to spoil +my chance that way." Our conversation used to begin by my saying, "How +is your duff?" "Oh! nicely, thank you; how is your jock?" "All right and +stiff, waiting for your duff." "Then it will wait a long time," and so +on. It always ending in my trying to feel her, and getting no further. +At length they left, new servants coming. +

+

+I frequently saw her afterwards, and always began the same game. My +mother was told I had been seen talking to her, so after that I only +spoke to her at dusk. Some time afterwards she married a gardener, and +I occasionally saw her, but recognition came to a knowing nod and smile, +which she always returned. Meanwhile I had got my fortune, as I shall +tell; had no end of women, and had forgotten her, when walking across +a field not far from our house, I overtook a short woman with a little +child, and it was she. A shower came on, and we went into a barn, no +one was in it. She told me I was said to be a "dreadful chap after the +gals." "You know all about that now," said I. "Yes," she replied with a +grin, and gradually talking baudier, we went on, until in a few minutes +I had laid her down and fucked her on the hay. "I told you I would do +it," said I. "But you didn't when you said you would,—now it won't +matter." That was her notion. The rain continuing, she said she must go, +whether wet or dry. Neither of us had an umbrella. She pulled her gown +over her head, and saying, "You won't tell anyone, will you," took the +child by the hand and was going, when my appetite came again. I pulled +her back, and with little persuasion, again went up her. She enjoyed the +fuck greatly. As I lay on the top of her we heard a bang, and the barn +grew dark; a man was shutting the door. "Ulloh!" said he, "I didn't know +any one was there; I hope I ain't disturbed you." We made no reply, +but out we went. "You will have a boy out of this," said I. "I hope I +shall," said she. That was the end of my adventure, for I never had her +again, and she soon left the neighborhood. It was her own little child +that was with her. +

+

+Though I have (as I shall in other cases) told all I had to do with her +consecutively, yet between the time when she was in our house, and the +time of meeting her at the barn, three or four years must have elapsed; +and didn't we talk baudy in the barn before I got into her. That may +have warmed her up, yet I believe she wanted me, as soon as she found +herself alone with me. Her little child witnessed the business. +

+

+Just at this time or a little later, an adventure of a serious kind +occurred to me. +

+

+The streets leading out of the Waterloo road were then occupied much +by gay women. Some were absolutely full of them; they were mostly of +a class to be had for a few shillings if they could not get more (my +Granby street adventure has been already told). but many a swell I have +noticed lingering about there. My mother now took nearly all my +money for my board, but with the little remaining, I had a knock off +occasionally. It was one of my pleasures to walk up those streets when +dark and talk with the women at the windows, which were always open +whatever the weather, unless some one as within engaged with the ladies. +

+

+Each woman had generally but one room, but two or three used to sit +together in the front room in their chemises. There was the bed, +wash-stand, chamberpot and all complete. Perhaps one lolled out of the +window, showing her breasts, and if you gave such a one a shilling, +she would stoop so that you could see right down past her belly to her +knees, and have a glimpse of her cunt-fringe. Sometimes one would pull +up her garter, or another sit down and piddle, or pretend to do so, or +have recourse to other exciting devices when men peeped in. +

+

+I used to look in and long. Sometimes had a shilling peep, and then +bashfully asked for a feel of the cunt for it. I so often succeeded, +that ever since then I wanted that amusement, have offered a shilling +for a feel, and met with but few refusals in any part of London. +Sometimes it ended in a fuck. Once or twice to my astonishment they +took mere trifles, and as I think of it, there is wonderfully little +difference between the woman you have for five shillings, and the one +you pay five pounds, excepting in the silk, linen, and manners. +

+

+One night I saw a woman with very fat breasts looking out of the window +(I was then fond of stout women); and after talking a minute, asked her +if she would let me feel her cunt for a shilling. "Yes," said she. In I +went, down she shut the window, and in another minute I was groping her. +She did not let me feel her long. I had not felt such a bum since Mary's +(already told of), and it so wetted my appetite, that I struck a bargain +for a fuck. She was soon stripped, and all I now recollect about her is, +that her cunt was large and covered with hair of a brownish colour; that +her eyes were dark; and that she seemed full twenty-five years of age. I +fucked her on a sofa. +

+

+When I had buttoned up she produced a book full of baudy pictures of +which I then had seen but few; and I went a second time to see the book, +rather than her. Looking over it, she pointed out to me with a laugh, +several pictures of men putting their pricks into women's arse-holes, +and into the rumps of other men. Having never before seen such pictures, +and having no idea of the operation, I felt modest, and turned to +others; but she so regularly as we turned over the leaves pointed +out this class, that my sense of shame gave way to curiosity; and not +believing, asked if it was possible to do it so. "Lord yes," said she. +"Does it not hurt?" said I. "Not if properly done," she replied, +and went on to say it was delicious some men thought; and she talked +altogether in a very knowing way about it; told me how it was best to +grease the hole first, then the prick, and to shove gently, and went on +so, that I said on a sudden, "Why, you have done it, I think." "Yes, but +only with a particular friend of mine who is very fond of it,—and so am +I; it is better than the other." +

+

+I felt shocked, bewildered, and excited. The subject dropped, but she +sat feeling me, slipping her finger under my balls, and pressing my +arse-hole with her finger. I prepared to fuck. She suggested she should +kneel with her buttocks towards me, so that she could feel my balls when +my prick was up her. I assented, and her bum-cheeks were presented to +me. Excited by her conversation and her hints, I looked curiously at +her large slit, and then at her bum-hole; I touched the latter, and she +drove her bum back upon my finger with a laugh. I did not take her hint, +but drove my prick into her quim and pushed in the regular fashion. +Thinking of the pictures excited me and without knowing what I said, +I suddenly pulled it out saying, "Let me put it into the other." "Not +tonight," said she, "put your thumb a little way in, your nail is quite +short" (she had noticed that I used to bite my thumbnails short). I +instantly did, the next moment spent, and dropped over her back, waiting +for the last drop of sperm to run off into her. +

+

+Her hints, her pictures, of which she had actually scores, stirred my +curiosity, her manner disgusted me, yet my brain seemed affected. Is it +possible, thought I, that a man's prick can go in there?—impossible. +And yet she says she has had it done to her, and my thumb went in easily +enough. The more I thought, and the more I reflected how a hard turd +hurt me sometimes in passing it, the more I was puzzled about the +intense pleasure which she said the operation gave! To solve my doubts +(although I had determined not), I went to her again, and saw the +pictures. She again talked about them, until scarcely knowing what I was +doing, "Will you let me?" I asked. "Don't talk loud," said she, "it will +never do to let any one know what we are at." Our voices dropped to a +whisper, whilst by her advice I pulled off trousers and drawers, and she +stripped stark naked. +

+

+Then she carefully greased my prick with pomatum, and put some on her +arse-hole; it was the work of a minute, not a word was said. She then +stark naked, sat by the side of me on the sofa, began fondling and +kissing me, took my hand in hers and rubbed my fingers on her clitoris, +half frigged herself with my fingers, I let her do what she liked. Then +she turned round. "Put it in," she said when her rump was towards me, +"then give me your hand, and don't push till I tell you." Her arse-hole +was at the level of my prick as I stood by the side of the sofa, my +machine was like a rod of iron, my brains seemed on fire, I felt I was +going to do something wrong, dreaded it, yet determined to do it. "Put +it in, slowly," said she in a whisper. The hole opened, felt tight, +but to my astonishment almost directly my whole prick was hidden in it +without pain to me or any difficulty. "Give me your hand." I did. Again +she began frigging herself with my fingers. "Rub, rub, push gently," she +said, and I tried, but was getting past myself. "Now," said she with a +spasmodic sort of half cry, half grunt. I felt my prick squeezed as in +a vice, I shoved or rather scarcely began to do so when I discharged a +week's reserve up her rectum. My brain whirled with excitement, whilst +she leaning over the pillows on the sofa, kept breathing hard and half +snorting like a pig, still frigging herself with my fingers. +

+

+As my sense returned, I could scarcely believe where my prick was, +excitement still kept it stiff, but desire had left me. I pulled it out +with an indescribable horror of myself. +

+

+"Wasn't it delicious?" said she. "I like it, don't you? You may always +do it so." What I replied I know not; I washed, dressed and got out of +the house as soon as I could. When in the street, I was sick. I ran off +fearing some one would see me, got into a Hackney-coach and drove in the +wrong direction; then got out and went a round-about way home, fearing +some one was following to upbraid or expose me. I scarcely slept that +night for horror of myself, never went up the street again for years, +and never passed its end without shuddering, have no recollection of +having had pleasure, or of any sensation whatever; all was dread to +me. And so ended that debauch; one I was deliberately let into by that +woman, having never thought of such doings before as possible, or at +all, as far as I can recollect. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XII. +

+
+     Sarah and Susan.—At the key-hole.—A village fair.—Up
+     against a wall.—An unknown woman.—Clapped again.—My deaf
+     relative.—Some weeks felicity.—Sarah's secret.—Susan's
+     history.—Sarah with child.—Amidst black-berries.—
+     Susan's virginity.—Susan with child.—Sisters'
+     disclosures.—A row.—A child born.—Emigration.
+
+

+I had now passed my twentieth year. The new servants were sisters (how +many times have sisters fallen to me!); the eldest who was cook was +named Sarah; the youngest, Susan. Sarah was about twenty-six, Susan +nineteen or twenty. I carefully arranged the key in the key-hole of +their door the first night, but saw nothing for two or three nights. +Then oh! fortune again. They rose later than my mother liked; she came +up to their room one morning and found them locked in, so she took away +the key. Now I had as far as the key-hole permitted, a fair field, but +then clothes hanging upon pegs on the door were often in my way; yet I +was so persistent in looking when they went to bed, and arose, that I +saw a great deal. How cunning I had got; I had filed and oiled the lock +and hinges of my door and theirs, so that I could close and open them +noiselessly, used to stoop daily with my eye to their key-hole, stepping +from my room with naked feet. I was nearly caught several times, but +never quite. It now seems wonderful that I was not. +

+

+I was so demure and quiet in talk about women always, and had kept +myself so circumspectly, that my mother never had the least suspicion of +me,—but in all matters of love and intrigue, mother always seemed to me +as innocent as the babe unborn. +

+

+For all that, my mother just then, and to my dismay, seeing that my +little games would be much interfered with, said I better change my +room, and have one on the first floor. Mrs. ——— had remarked, that +being a man now I ought not to sleep on the servants' floor. "As you +please,—it's one flight of stairs less for me, but Mrs. ——— is a +fool," I cried. "And which room?" "Your sister's. Annie will always be +with her aunt adopted, and Jane is only at home in the holidays." But I +would not be pushed into a small room; where was my tub to stand? Where +my books? I must have the spare room. There was much altercation, I made +my mother cry by saying that when of age I would get chambers away from +her, and into the spare room I moved. +

+

+It was next to my mother's. Installed there I did nothing but complain +of its inconvenience. I smoked incessantly in it. The smell got into +mother's bedroom, and she could not bear tobacco smoke. I made a noise +when she was in bed,—that annoyed her. I did all in a quiet way to make +her as uncomfortable as possible. An uncle and aunt who stopped with +us when in town, just then came from the country; and not liking my +sister's room, went to an hotel, which wounded mother considerably, so +she said I had better go upstairs again. I refused point blank; being +down there I would remain, and so managed, that she thought I went back +as a favour to her, and much against my will; but was I not glad!—and +got to my spying immediately. +

+

+Within a month I had seen them both stark naked, for being sisters they +had not hesitated to strip. I had seen the cook piddle, wash her cunt, +and put on her napkin. Susan's bed was not on the right side for me, but +nevertheless I saw enough of her to compare her with her sister. Sarah +was demure in manner, stout, with a splendid bum, and with little hair +of a lightish brown at the bottom of her belly; she wore black stockings +of which I then had a horror. Susan had a wicked, merry face, and a +splendid bunch of dark hair on her motte which attracted me largely. +It struck me that I should have a better chance with her than with her +sister, and began making approaches; when one Saturday night seeing +Sarah wash herself from head to foot, I got such glimpses of her round +fine haunches, and the split between them, that I fell into a fit of +randy adoration, which settled the direction of my attentions to her +instead of Susan. +

+

+I feared to go on with either, because they were sisters, but lust got +the better of my fears. I began kissing cook Sarah; who returned it +saying, she would not have her sister know it on any account. Shortly +after I kissed Susan, who made nearly the same remark; and I found that +each was careful not to tell the other; which was just what had occurred +with two sisters, of whom I have already written. This was very jolly. +Meanwhile I once or twice had a cheap poke on the road, but always with +fear of disease. +

+

+I had but little chance of the cook having now no pretext for going into +the kitchen, and the sisters were not much separated; but I looked up my +chances indefatigably, and finding Sunday favorable, to the horror of +my mother, left off going to church in the morning because the cook was +then alone. After our early Sunday dinner, I used to go to my bed-room +nominally to lay down, but really to look through the key-hole at the +cook who on that day only, dressed and washed herself in the middle of +the day, her sister being downstairs. I got on but slowly; in two months +only having taken outside liberties; till meeting Susan coming away from +the privy one day, I saw her press her clothes against her belly to dry +her cunt, and she saw me. Whenever I met her afterwards I used to tuck +my frock-coat between my legs and smile at her. It was an old dodge. +

+

+I had then bought a Fanny Hill which I kept in my bed-room locked up. +One morning I forgot to put it by, thought of it and rushed upstairs, +entered the room where the servants had been making the bed, and saw +Sarah intently looking at the book. I had feared that my mother had +entered my room, and seen the book. I stood for an instant motionless, +she turned round, gave a cry, dropped the book, and rushed out of the +room, her face like blood. I locked the book up feeling somewhat uneasy, +but afterwards joked her about it and the smutty pictures, and this took +effect. +

+

+There was a fair held not far from us at that time, the girls were to go +there each on separate evenings. Before Sarah went out, I went out, she +had agreed to meet me at the fair; it was dusk, she had a female friend +with her. We went into a dancing booth and had drink, then into the long +room of stalls in which was a dance mob, shouting, crying, pushing each +other, scratching backs, blowing trumpets, and speaking baudily to the +women. As it got later, the men used to feel outside the women's cunts, +and many a so-called modest girl felt a man's prick outside, and passing +in the mob without being found out. Many a grab have I had at my prick +which could only have been done by a woman, who looked quite demure +whilst she did it. I got excited, put Sarah in front of me, and in the +first rush, put my hand round and gave her cunt outside her clothes a +grab. She upbraided me, rushing out of the crowd at the side to escape +me, I after her, into a dark passage, between the backs of the booths, +where men were pissing. They hailed her with laughter, asking her if she +had come to piddle. Back into the crowd she rushed, I with her, and did +the same thing, talking baudily, and kept this up until it was time for +her to go home. +

+

+I said I should walk home with her. The village-road had but occasional +oil-lamps; at places it was quite dark, loving couples were walking or +turning off into dark bye-places by hedges and fences to satisfy their +amatory wants. This I pointed out to her, and talked of the prints she +had seen in Fanny Hill that morning. Altogether she had gone through +enough that day and night to make a female randy. Suddenly a girl in +the dark squealed, and a masculine voice in the dark shouted up, "That's +right, shove your prick well up her, old boy." I tried it on with Sarah +on the way home, but it was no go. I felt her bum and thighs, got her +hand on to my prick, but she would not let me have her. +

+

+Next night I was at the fair, and met her sister Susan there by chance. +I got excited and tried the same dodge with her, she had also a female +friend with her. I pressed their bellies and pinched their burnt when +in the crowd; her friend went off with her young man, then I had Susan +alone and tried pushing my hand against her belly, more than ever; she +took no notice. Her friend and we then met again face to face in the +mob. I had an impression that a feel at my balls must have come from her +friend. We all went to a public-house and had drink; there suddenly +she bid me good-bye, saying it was late, and she must get home, set off +running and was out of sight in a minute. +

+

+I had no intention of going home, but after thinking an instant ran +after her, saw a woman squatting who got up as I neared her; it was she. +"You have been piddling," said I. There was some joking on this. The +same sort of couples were to be seen cuddling about as on the previous +night; the same whispering, squealing ad scuffling a little way off in +the dark lanes. She was more frisky than her sister, and more talkative. +"Ain't they larking!" said she as a girl gave a half giggle, half cry +in the dark. Said I, "They are fucking." She stood stock still for a +minute, and then walked on quietly without saying another word. I had +not before said a baudy word to her. +

+

+Having got the word fuck out, I was game for anything, rattled on +baudily; at last after a long silence, something I said made her laugh. +I began kissing her, at length she returned it, and next instant I +thrust her up against a wall, pushed my hand up her clothes, and my +fingers on to her slit, which was as wet as a slop-pail. She cried, "Oh! +you vagabond," got my hand away, took to her Heels, and ran off. I after +her, till we both stopped breathless. +

+

+I tried again, her resistance grew feebler, she was silent, I had her +against a wall, one hand holding her cunt, with the other I was guiding +my prick to it, it was sliding in, in an instant it would have been +up her, when putting down both hands she pushed it away saying, "Oh! +gracious God, what am I about again," ran off, and never stopped until +she had rang our house-bell. +

+

+I went back to the fair and later on met outside it a very short girl, +who seemed too respectable to be by herself and had her veil down. I +spoke with her, found she was going my way, and walked with her. She +knew my name, and where I lived. Two nights scrambling had not got me +a poke, that I suppose made me bold enough to make advances to this +modest, quiet girl; I stole a kiss, then another, then a hug, then a +feel, and finally with scarcely any hindrance fucked her. We walked and +talked when it was over, she would not tell me her name or address, nor +give me a glimpse of her face; I fucked her again up against our own +garden-wall, insisted on knowing where she lived, said I would walk till +I saw, and did walk with her for about an hour. She said, "If you walk +about all night you shall never know where I live, but you may do it +again if you like, or I will meet you to-morrow, but I dare not let you +see where I go." I feared I could not poke again, so stopped to piss. +She modestly walked on a little; I frigged my prick until the steam was +up, then in her well moistened cunt consummated, and parted, promising +to meet her the next night. +

+

+I looked at Sarah and Susan the next morning, took opportunity of +reminding each of them that I had felt their cunts, bragged to each, +that a young lady who lived close by had let me do it to her. The next +night came, the unknown girl did not keep her appointment, and the +following morning found I had the clap. I never saw or heard of her +again, nor know who the young lady who gave it to me. She was not a +common domestic, I am sure. +

+

+This stopped me for a month, but the time was not all lost, for I +indulged in baudy talk, and familiarized both servants with it, and +the fact that they had felt me, and I them. The eldest used to look +uncomfortable, Susan used to brazen it out with a bright roguish eye, +that I then almost turned to her, especially as Sarah still wore black +stockings; but then Sarah had such fat white thighs, and a larger bum. +

+

+When better and I was again alone with Sarah on a Sunday morning, I got +her on to a chair, pulled up her clothes all round, exposed her legs, +showed her my prick, showed her the pictures in Fanny Hill, got +her excited, but did nothing more. Another Sunday I tried it on +unsuccessfully. The third Sunday going upstairs just after mother and +Tom had gone to church, she said she was not going to be worried with +me, and Susan would be at home. Susan had not I found gone to church as +usual. Baulked, I was going out, but catching her in the hall, tried to +pull up her clothes. She cried, "For God's sake don't, I would not let +Susan hear for the world." This confirmed me in what I had felt nearly +certain of; the sisters did not tell each other of my games. I heard +Susan say to her sister who had gone to the top of the house, "I shan't +loose my outing, there is nothing the matter with you," and out she +went. The next minute down came Sarah; I stopped her on the landing, by +my mother's room. +

+

+"Now don't," she began in a coaxing way, but I had not spent for weeks, +and as I looked into her bright eyes and flushed face, meant that day to +do so if I could. She must herself have wanted it, there was such a +soft look about her. My reply was to try to pull up her clothes. +We struggled, pushed against the door of mother's bed-room, and +we staggered into the room together. Nothing could have been more +favorable. I got her up against the bed, her clothes up, my prick +against her belly, and there for a minute we struggled. +

+

+Opposite my mother's was a small low sort of bedstead called a child's, +I don't know why. It was covered with a large skin on a mattress. Mother +used it as a sofa. My prick was actually up against Sarah's belly, my +balls nestling in the hair of her cunt, my hands tightly round her bum, +but her legs were so close together, that I could not get into her; I +put one hand down to open the road to her cunt, but could not manage it, +though her resistance was growing less. She ceased praying me to leave +off, but tried by putting her hands down, to dislodge me from her belly, +withdrawing her hands as they touched my prick. The blinds were down, no +one but us in the house, I saw the child's bed, pulled her towards it, +I going backwards. We fell on it together, she more than half on the top +of me; another struggle, and her petticoats were flung up as I rolled +her round on to her back. She tried to pull them down, bringing her +knees half up to meet them; I saw her buttocks beneath and recklessly +pushing with my hand, a finger went half-way up her cunt. Down went her +legs quite straight, the next instant I was on the top of her. +

+

+I weighted her down, she lay panting. "Now do Sarah dear, be quiet." +She said not a word, nor looked at me. I pressed my knees, and with +difficulty opened her thighs, and we were belly to belly; with one or +two vigorous shoves, in went my prick without difficulty and spending as +it entered. So did abstinence, desire, and excitement tell on me. It has +often behaved in the same way. +

+

+I was now at a time of life when I could do more fucking, and after +long abstinence if I liked a woman, could sometimes do it twice +before withdrawing. The first words she uttered were, "Oh! let me go +downstairs, the dinner will be spoiled." But what did that matter to a +man whose prick was stiff up a cunt! So I waited my second enjoyment; +and if I know anything about the matter, you my dear Sarah, brought your +liquor out to mix with mine. +

+

+Scarcely was my prick out of her, before the street bell rang; +downstairs she ran, I went upstairs. I recollect how wet my hair and +my balls were as I ran, wrapping them up. It was her sister. Directly +afterwards home came mother. Dinner was served, what a row there was, +the meat was not done, the vegetables smashed. "It is disgraceful," +said mother, "has she been upstairs Walter?" How queer I felt at that +question, and wonder my confusion was not noticed. I said I did not +know. "I will be bound she has," said mother, "and been trying on her +finery before going out to-night, Sundays and dress are the ruin of +servants now-a-days." "I have been out," said I to mother. "You would +have done yourself more good had you been to church," said she. +

+

+After dinner mother went up to her bed-room as was her custom, to doze +on the small bed; the next minute her bell rang violently. "Send up +Sarah," said she angrily to Susan, and up she went, I went into the hall +listening in a funk. "Why don't you keep my bed-room door closed?" said +she, "as I tell you." "I am almost sure it was closed when I went out." +"Have you been in here?" "No m'am," stammered the poor woman, "the nasty +cat has been up here on this bed (luckily the cat had done that once +before), and been scratching up the skins." "You must have opened the +door,—and oh! the beast has made some mess upon it." Mother told Sarah +to wipe up the place, it was only marks of what Sarah's overflowing cunt +and my prick had dropped in our hurry. A little more blowing up, and +mothers' anger was over. Sarah came down, looking more dead than alive, +when I saw her in the hall. +

+

+In the evening Sarah went out, and I to church,—so mother thought,—but +in reality to meet Sarah. For an hour we walked about, then as it +grew dark began kissing. What a difference the morning had made. No +resistance now, my hand roved over the smooth bum and belly, a slight +objection on the part of the thighs as my hand touched the hairy +covering, but for an instant only, then as of a right the fingers felt +the moist lapels, which were soon opened by my prick, as I fucked her +up against the wall of the garden, at the very spot where some weeks +previously I had fucked the unknown lady, and caught the clap. +

+

+Good and bad luck come in heaps. I was now in for the good. Next Sunday +and others afterwards, we had a nice half-hour on her bed, or my bed, or +on the sofa in the parlour; but we left no signs of the cat anywhere. +

+

+My mother then went on a long visit to my aunt in H—tf—dshire, wanted +me to go, but I could not get away, so she took my sister from my aunt's +and Tom, and to my delight took Susan. Sarah was left as servant, the +deaf female relative came again to take charge of the house, and we +three were alone in it. My mother's last words were, "Give as little +trouble as you can, and I hope Walter, you will keep out of bad society, +and not be out late." I was mostly to dine with my guardian's executor, +an old family friend. +

+

+That night and for several weeks, Sarah and I slept together, it was a +honey-moon. My old relative, deaf and timid, used to lock her door; I +used to go across to Sarah's and lock it, mother having put back the +key. We had fear of being found out, but not much. In those weeks we +gave way so to our passions, that we were worn out. I taught her all I +knew; she was willing, docile, and did all I told her: love's amusements +in every variety which I then knew of did we try; never had I had such +continuous fucking. The first thing mother on her return noticed, was +that I was pale, and then great was her astonishment when told by my +old deaf relative, that I had scarcely been out one night after seven +o'clock, and up early most days; so my mother put it down to close +attention to my studies, for I was preparing. +

+

+I told Sarah in confidence I had had a virgin, and that there had been +difficulty with her, but none in getting into Sarah. She swore by all +that was solemn that she never had had a man, that although she had been +kissed and tried, no man had put his hands on her naked thighs until I +had. From what she had heard of girl's virginities, she thought she must +have been different from them; she could always easily put a finger up +her cunt, and I believed her. She spent the second time I did it to her. +

+

+Talking excitedly about her virginity and her not having bled when first +pierced, she remarked, "Susan told me that when she—" Then she stopped +and turned the conversation, but my curiosity was whetted. I pressed her +to tell more, she got confused, said it was her cousin Susan, would not +go on to say what Susan had said, at last refused to say more. I did +not forget it, and one night as I lay kissing her and fingering her +clitoris, she told me under promise of the greatest secrecy, that her +sister Susan bled when her young man first put it up her, and with this, +that Susan had been seduced and had a child; so her father had sent +her to service in London, and the better to get her taken care of, had +arranged that her sister Sarah should always take service in the same +house with her; hence at my mothers. "And, oh!" she concluded, "if Susan +or father should ever know what I have done, I should die." The family +trusted her. +

+

+This accounted for the somewhat forward manner of Susan, for her +exclamation when I got up against her belly on the night of the fair, +"Gracious God, what am I about again!" Sarah believed Susan could have +had no one else but her first sweetheart, and that was more than a year +before. All this set me thinking, and more than once when twiddling +Sarah's cunt, I thought of Susan's with the thicker and darker hair, and +wondered in what other respects it differed from that of her sister. +

+

+Now came trouble. Sarah said she was two months gone with child; she had +kept it to herself hoping her courses might come on. She got with child +she thought the first day I fucked her. We were both in great anxiety, +but did nothing to help it. Sunday morning usually passed this way. +Directly they had all gone to church, up came Sarah to mother's room +or into the garden parlour, there I looked at her belly to see if it was +bigger, then she had a crying fit, then we fucked, then she went down to +see after the meat roasting, then generally we had another fuck, and +all was over for that day; for my prick usually came out of her not long +before Susan rang the bell to be let in. +

+

+At length her state began to show, her mother just then was very ill and +wrote to her, she made this an excuse for asking to go home, intending +to try when there to get rid of her encumbrance. My mother with great +objection let her go, for she liked her. For one or two weeks before she +left someone or other had stopped at home on Sundays, so I was balked +in getting ar her, and only did it once to her in nearly a month. I +gave her what money I could to help her; a charwoman came to work in her +absence; it was arranged that her sister should do most of her work as +well as her own, as far as she could. +

+

+My mind reverted to what Sarah had told me about her sister. Would she +not like a doodle up her again I how she must long for a man, I used to +think. She nearly let me coming from the fair, what if I tried again. +Then I thought how wrong it was, seeing what I had done to her sister. +But back again the desire came, I grew randier. "I won't try her on +account of her sister," thought I, "but there will be no harm in larking +with her." +

+

+So I began and reminded her of the night of the fair, told her I knew +that the hair of her motte was dark, by degrees got her to kiss me, to +leave off chaffing her, felt her outside, but went no further. About the +fourth day after her sister had left, I got my hands on her thigh. On +Sunday when all were at church: to blind my mother I had gone out, but +went home directly, and into the kitchen to resume my baudy chaff, I +forgot all about her sister, got to kissing and trying to feel her. I +was long in the kitchen with my prick out, sometimes hanging, sometimes +standing stiff, trying to induce her to let me, but it was of no use. +Her cap was off, her hair dishevelled. I had got her clothes once up +to her hips, had seen her motte, felt it, got my prick up against it, +knocked it about all over her belly, but no more; time was short, and at +last with a sort of guilty fear I went out before church was over, and +came back in time for our early dinner, telling my mother I had been +to ——— church. Then I reflected and thought it was as well I had not +done it to Susan. +

+

+When mother returned she left my sister and little brother in the +country. My old deaf relative remained with us and slept in the room +adjoining my mother's. That same Sunday night, I waited until Susan came +up to bed, pounced upon her on the top landing and tried to feel her; +she dropped her candle-stick and made such a noise, that back I sneaked +to bed, and was asleep, when I heard the bell ringing violently in +the servants' room. Out I rushed saw Susan on the landing with but +a petticoat over her night-dress, and old Mrs. ——— going into my +mother's room who was taken very ill. +

+

+Down to the kitchen went Susan and I to get boiling water, I heaped wood +and coals on the fire, she blew it with the bellows, old Mrs. ——— +was upstairs getting brandy and other things ready. What followed I +recollect as well as if it were yesterday. Susan was half squatting, +half kneeling and blowing the fire furiously. Standing by her my +randiness came on, I pulled out my prick, and pushed it right in her +face. "For shame!" said she, "I will hit you with the bellows, think of +your mother." It did shame me for a moment, I hid my prick, and knelt +by her side stirring the blazing wood. But just then I saw her breasts +through the half-tied night-gown; it was too much for me; that and the +attitude she was in together; loosing all prudence, I pushed one hand +on to her breast, and the other up her clothes, between her legs,—which +were very conveniently opened quite wide,—and on the slit of her cunt +With a suppressed cry she dropped the bellows, attempted to rise, and +repulse my hand, and in doing so we both rolled backwards ( for I had +stooped) on to the floor among the black-beetles of which there were +dozens about. "You wretch," she cried in a suppressed voice, "oh! +don't,—and your poor mother so ill,—oh! don't,—you shant!—and +wanting hot water,—you shant!" in a still louder tone as I got my hand +full on her cunt. "Oh! my God, here is Mrs. ———." +

+

+Had Mrs. ——— not been as deaf as a post, she must have heard our +scuffling, as she neared the kitchen. In an hour or so my mother was +better, and Mrs. ——— stopped in the room with her for the night. My +mother was asleep when I left, Mrs. ——— had had a good dose of brandy +and water, and I knew she would sleep well enough. I went to my room +excited by the continual trying it on with Susan; Mrs. ——— had given +her a glass of brandy and water, "to keep the cold out," as she said, +and she went to her room. I listened, heard her moving about longer than +I expected. I had come up some minutes before to deceive all, and was +shivering in my night-shirt. I thought how unfair it was to her sister +who was in the family way by me, of the risk I ran with my mother in +the house; but a standing prick stifles all conscience. I crossed the +landing, opened her door, shut it rapidly, and there I was in the room +with her, both of us in our night-dresses. She was doing up her hair as +I entered, she wore a night-cap. +

+

+"I won't let you come in here." "Hush! mother will hear you," said I. +Her voice dropped to a whining, "Pray go, I shall loose my character, +if any one supposes anything of this; it's very hard on me." Such was my +state, that I believe if my mother had come in just then, I should have +tried Susan. My reply was to strip my night-gown right off and stand +naked; then I caught her in my arms and forced her into a sitting +posture on the bed-side, sitting myself down beside her. "Let me +do it,—let us fuck, I have felt your cunt,—seen it;—look at my +prick,—let me put it in,—let me do it,—you did nearly once,—let me +now." "For God's sake go." "I won't." "Oh! don't,—oh I go,—if Misses +should hear us, what will become of me." "Don't make a noise then, or +she will." "Well go, there is a dear,—not now,—perhaps some other day +I will." She was defenceless, I hitched up her nightgown, saw a pair of +nice white thighs. "You shant,—you shant," she cried in a louder tone, +pushing down her night-gown. I gave it a violent tug, and pulled it up +to her belly, saw thighs, navel, and dark brown hair between her thighs, +that I had looked at in glimpses through the key-hole. There was my +thigh close to hers, my stiff prick within a few inches of her cunt; +considering all she had gone through that day with me, it was a position +which would have upset the frigidity of an angel, had she not frigged +away some of her passion in the interim. +

+

+But her passions were conquering on my behalf, for she was a woman who +had known love's pleasures; her voice was quiet as she said, "Oh! pray +don't, oh I pray now." I pulled her back and slid my naked limbs between +her thighs, then in a moment I was on her, but in an uncomfortable +position; two of our legs on the bed, two off, my belly touched hers and +pressed her down; with my right hand I guided my prick to her slit. Her +hour had come, "Oh! for God's sake, leave me, I will let you another +day,—I will,—not now,—oh! if you knew!—oh! now!—oh!..." +

+

+It was all but over, my fingers were feeling their way, my prick between +them, every motion she made to help herself, helped me; I held her down +with force until I felt my penis was on the notch, but as it touched the +slippery sides of the red orifice, the first pang of pleasure came and +my sperm spat on to it. With a furious thrust I plunged up her and threw +my whole body over her, grasping her bum, quivering, wriggling, and +pushing. The deed was done, she knew it, and was as quiet as the grave. +

+

+The position was painful to both of us, I felt it in both my legs; she +moved uneasily saying, "I hope you will go." I had no such intention, +kept her down, and my prick in her as long as I could; then got up +quickly, hoping to see her spunk-trap whilst her thighs were open. A +woman seems always up to this, how quickly they shut them. She did, but +the light though feeble was close by, and I saw sperm outside; then she +sat at the side of the bed with her limbs uncovered, I stood naked with +doodle wet, flabby and shrunken, not a pretty picture at all. She begged +me to go, was tranquil, sat twisting up her hair, scarcely made attempt +to hide her limbs, all her anxiety was about her mistress finding me +in her room; but after a few minutes altercation, I was in bed with her +cuddling, and promising to leave directly I had fucked again. +

+

+I got into bed without my night-gown, hers was rolled up so that she +was all but naked, our naked bodies touched at all points, my hands were +free to rove everywhere. How she must have wanted it, only a woman with +twelve months abstinence from cock can tell; and when after feeling her +cunt well, and putting her unresisting hands round my pego, I pushed her +on to her back; there was no difficulty about her thighs, they opened at +once as I turned on to her, her frame thrilled, her tongue sought mine, +her hand clutched my naked back; she spent I verily believe before I +had began, and finished again with me a few minutes afterwards. About +day-break neither of us having closed our eyes, I went back to my room, +tired out. +

+

+My mother kept her bed the next day, so Susan and I had time to talk. +"I don't know what to do," said she, "we have made the sheet in such a +dreadful mess"; and that night before she went to bed, she took it down +and did something to it. I fucked her that day on the kitchen table. +

+

+Her sister did not return for a fortnight, and during that time we +had plenty of fucking; a few nights after I first had her, she was +excessively quiet; on questioning her she said, "I think I got in the +family way last night." "Nonsense," but she told me she had heard that +women sometimes had a sort of consciousness of getting with child, +and added, "I somehow feel certain that I shall have a child from last +Sunday." This will be a pretty go, thought I, and asked, "Did you ever +have your belly up before, for I don't think you were a virgin when I +had you." She denied it, and there the matter ended, but I never could +get to see the lower part of her belly; she would let me see up to her +cunt, and down to her navel, but never more. My experience might not +have taught me much if I had, but I guessed something from what old +Brown had told me, and knew that woman had marks of some sort on +their-bellies after child-birth. +

+

+As the time came for Sarah's return I felt trouble could come with her. +The day before she did, Susan cried, said she was certain she was in the +family way, and expressed great dread of her sister knowing it. "Surely +you don't mind your own sister." "Oh! you don't know how hard she is +upon poor girls who get into trouble," she replied. "Here is a mess!" I +thought. +

+

+Sarah returned, had tried to get a miscarriage and failed, she grew +bigger, all her fear was lest Susan should find it out before she left, +and on plea of her mother's health, she gave notice. Both girls were +afraid of each other, both seemed determined to get as much fucking as +possible. Sarah got hers on Sundays, and sometimes on week days. Susan +who was more about and could often get five minutes with me slyly, threw +herself in my way, got it when and where she could, and had it once or +twice daily. I was not loth. The excitement of two cunts and a certain +pungency in the position stimulated me. I have seen the two standing +side by side, each at the same moment with my spunk in them, yet neither +knowing the other's condition. At times before I had washed my prick +after one sister, I was wetting it in the cunt of the other, which +delighted me. +

+

+Things got desperate. Sarah said I ought to marry her, spoke of +committing suicide, and at length unable to hide her belly, left. I +was anxious to do what I could to help her, so disclosed my case to +a friend; who advised me to borrow, as I was so near coming into my +property. I borrowed fifty pounds of a Jew, promising to pay him a +hundred pounds for it six months afterwards; and got her lodgings a few +miles from our house. Susan also got bigger, and made no disguise of her +intention of getting abortion. +

+

+No disclosure of the sisters to each other had yet taken place, yet +I felt it would be done. One morning Susan's eyes followed me whilst +waiting at table in a most unpleasant manner. I felt all was found out, +so to face it, and get the worst over, threw myself in her way. "You +wretch, you scoundrel, you blackguard," she whispered to me on the +staircase, "it is you who have seduced my poor sister." Soon a better +opportunity was found, and we had a scene; it took place in my bed-room, +when the other servant who had replaced Sarah, and my mother were out. +I could only say I was sorry. She blazed out worse than ever then, +and spoke so violently about my behaviour to herself, that I told her, +whatever her sister had to complain of, I thought she had but little, +for that mine was not the first prick which had been up her, I was sure. +My words and manner staggered and quieted her and after making me take a +solemn oath (which I did holding a Bible) I would never tell her sister +that she was in the family way by me, she got tranquil, and I fucked her +before she left the room. +

+

+Susan was dreadfully ill a few days afterwards, she had got a +miscarriage; my mother attended to her, thinking she had inflammation +of her bowels. I went to see Sarah, who told me some fellow had got her +sister Susan in the family way, she could not tell who, for Susan quite +refused to say. She was soon after confined with a fine child. Troubles +then came apace, the mother of the two women died, Susan left my mother +at once to take charge of the old man's house, and never let me have her +again after her miscarriage. Then the father came to grief, failed and +was sold up. Sarah went home with her child, and after a time, acting on +the advice of a friend, I advanced money out of my property which I had +then come into, and sent the whole lot to Canada. After a year my child +died, and Susan got married. What became of Sarah, I don't know, for all +letters soon after ceased; but to the last I believe that Sarah never +knew that I had had her sister as well as herself, although Susan knew I +had had both of them and was father of both children, or what would have +been both children. +

+

+This ended my intrigues with servants for some time, for my fucking took +quite another direction. Harlots of small degrees amused me till I came +into what was a pretty fortune in those days. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XIII. +

+
+     Of age.—Camille my first French woman.—Lascivious
+     delights.—Harlots by the dozen.—Baudy books.—Tribades.—
+     A grey-haired cunt.
+
+

+I came into my property, and to the great horror of my mother and +family, soon gave up my post at the ——— and my intended career and +determined to live and enjoy myself. I had been all but posted to a +regiment, that commission I resigned, though all my youth desiring it. I +lost much money by doing so. What I did between the time that I had the +two sisters, until I went regularly to the town, is not worth telling of +more than already done. Frig myself, I did not, gay women since my last +clap I was shy of, but I used to shag a servant of a family close by, +and rather think one of our own servants; but if so, all circumstances +made small impression on me, and nearly escaped my mind, excepting those +of a comely woman of about thirty with black curls, of a wall not far +from a church, and of fucking her up against it, of her being so anxious +to get indoors by nine o'clock, and scuffling off with her wetted cunt +directly she had finished with me. Her name or who she was I quite +forget. +

+

+This I know, that I had no other woman at home, and had no liking for +gay women, nor is it to be wondered at, since my experience with them +was confined to one I had with my cousin Fred, women by the roadside who +would take a shilling, and others of a queer class in the confines of +the Waterloo road (two debauches there told of) then filled me with +horror, and three claps; yet I was to leave off giving my passion to +quiet women, and bestow all my attention for a time on gay women. +

+

+Walking up Waterloo place one evening, with plenty of money in my +purse, and lust in my body, I met a fine, clear complexioned woman, full +twenty-five years of age, who addressed me in French, and then in broken +English. She had an eye, and manner which fascinated me, her dress was +quite elegant, as unlike the French women of Regen street of the present +day, as a duchess is to a milkmaid; but she was the ordinary French +whore of the day, of whom there were but few in London (there was no +railway to Paris); and who were exclusively supported by gentlemen at +the West-End. I went home with her to a house at the corner of G-l-n +square, after fearing and hesitating. +

+

+As I got to the door my fear returned, and but for shame I would +not have gone in. "I have but little money," said I, "Have you not a +Victoria?" said she. "No." "You will find one, I am sure." By that time +the door was opened, and in I went. "You will find one Victoria," said +she in broken English as she closed the room-door, "but if not, shall you +not give me what you shall find." The room was nicely furnished, out +of it was a nice large bed-room and a smaller one (she paid twenty +shillings a week for all, as you will soon hear). Four wax candles were +lighted, down she sat, so did I, and we looked at each other. I could +say nothing. +

+

+"Shall I undress?" said she at length. "Yes," I replied, and she began. +Never had I seen a woman take off such fine linen before, never such +legs in handsome silk stockings, and beautiful boots. I had had the +cleanest, nicest women, but they were servants, with the dress and +manners of servants. This woman seemed elegance itself to them. A +nice pair of arms were disclosed, a big pair of breasts flashed out, a +glimpse of a fine thigh was shown, and as her things dropped off, and +she stopped to pick them up, with her face towards me; her laced chemise +dropped, opened, and I saw darkness at the end of the vista between her +two breasts. +

+

+A pull up of the stockings and garters, disclosed other glimpses of the +thighs and surroundings. Then she sat on the pot, pissed and looked +at me, whilst I sat in fear, saying nothing, doing nothing, my cock +shrivelled to the size of a gooseberry, and longing to go away. The +whole affair was unlike anything I had seen or dreamed of, a quiet +business-like, yet voluptuous air was about it, which confused me; it +affected my senses deliciously in one way, but all the horrors about +gay women were conjured up in my imagination at the same time. I was +intensely nervous. +

+

+She seeing me so quiet, sat herself on my knee, and began unbuttoning +my trowsers. I declined it. "Are you ill?" said she. I told her no, +scarcely knowing what she meant. Then she unbuttoned me in spite of my +objection, laid hold of my little doodle, and satisfied herself that +it was all right I suppose; for she hurt me; I could not tell why she +squeezed it, for I did not know then the ways of gay women. The squeeze +gave me a voluptuous sensation, although fear had still hold of me; then +she kissed, and fondled me, but it was useless. Then she said, "You have +never had a woman before I see." My pride was wounded, and I told her I +had many. +

+

+"Are always you like this with them?" she asked. "No, but I really did +not want it." "Oh! yes you shall. Come to the bed." She got off my knee, +went to the bed, laid down on one side, one leg on, one dropping down to +the floor, drew up her chemise above her navel, and lay with beautiful +large limbs clad in stainless stockings and boots, her thighs of the +slightly brown color seen in Southern women, between them a wide thicket +of jet-black hair, through which a carmine streak just showed. She +raised one of her naked arms above her head, and under a laced chemise +showed the jet-black hair in the arm-pit. I had never seen such a +luscious sight, nor any woman put herself unasked into such a seductive +attitude. +

+

+"Come," she said. I obeyed and went to the side of the bed, my prick not +yet standing. She took my hand and put the finger on to her clitoris, +pulled my prick towards her and kissed it, and at the double touch up +it rose like a horn. "Ah!" said she moving on to the middle of the bed, +"take off your clothes." I was on to her without uttering a word and had +plugged her almost before I had said "no," which I had meant to say. +

+

+What a cunt! what movement! what manner! I had till then never known +what a high-class, well practised professional fucker could do. How well +they understand the nature and wants of the man who is up them; hers was +the manner of a quiet woman, who had been some time without a prick, it +was so like baudy nature in a lady, that I was in the seventh Heaven, +"don't hurry"; but the wriggle and heave, and the tightening of the cunt +kept hurrying me, as well she knew. +

+

+I had scarcely finished my spend, when curiosity took possession of me. +She yielded in the way a French woman does to all a man wishes; almost +anticipating them. The black hair under her arm-pits first came in for +my admiration, then her eyes, her bubbies came in for their share, as +raising myself on an elbow, my prick still up her, I looked and felt +all over her, I even opened her mouth and felt her teeth which were +splendid. Then rising on my knees, I looked between her legs, at the +splendid thicket of black hair. Far from attempting to get up, or +prevent me, she opened her thighs wider, I pulled aside the cunt-lips, +there rolling out from a dark carmine orifice was my essence. At the +sight of it, up came my prick, still dripping, and up it went into the +sperm-lined passage. +

+

+My second fuck over, she washed. No sooner was that done, than I wanted +to see it all over again. "You are very fond of women," she said, "I +thought you had never had a woman before." Then I explained, gave her +the Victoria, and scarcely daring said (for she was dressed again), "How +I should like to do it again." "You take up much time of me, but you +may, if you like, at side of de bed." Out came my prick, up it went, her +duff and belly in sight now, till I spent in her, and promising to see +her again I left. One does not get silk stockings, laced chemise, four +wax lights and three fucks for a pound now, if rooms be well furnished, +or not. +

+

+I saw her the next day, then saw her almost daily. Little by little I +took to calling at all times, and sleeping with her. The more I had her, +the more I liked her. She was a very nice woman in most ways, I scarcely +ever found her untidy, dirty, or slammerkin. If not dressed, she had +a clean wrapper on, had nearly always silk stockings on, and a clean +chemise; and therefore call when I might she was ready to be fucked at +a minute's notice. She was a good cook, and would cook omlettes and nice +things in her room. I used to fuck, get out of bed, eat, and fuck again +with the food almost in my mouth. I used to have little dinners in her +room, sent in by a French cook, which were excellent, and then with +stomach full and with nice wine, would spend the evening in baudy joys. +

+

+What astonished and delighted me at the same time, was the freedom and +the way she lent herself to all my voluptuous inclinations. The gay +women I had had, I had fucked so fast, and got away from them as soon +as I could; my spend even scarcely finished at times. With my mother's +servants (my first love Charlotte excepted, and for a time with Susan), +my enjoyments were mostly hurried, a fingerstink, a frig on their cunt, +and a hurried look were all my amatory preliminaries for the most part; +because I was too impatient for the spend, was mostly obliged to seize +opportunities in a hurry, or because the girls were impatient at being +pulled about. When I had tried with them, some of the little amatory +amusements, which were beginning to suggest themselves to my voluptuous +imagination, they resisted, or only half lent themselves to my will. +With Susan I had tried the most, because I knew she had had a bumbasting +before, and she had been more willing; she liked pulling my prick about, +but even she made a fuss one night, when I wanted to fuck her with her +bum towards my belly, and never let me look at her belly. Thus my +baudy longings had never been satisfied. With Charlotte I did a little +variety, from curiosity; now I began to want it from voluptuousness. The +natural impatience of my age, and my few opportunities, had led me to +bring my women to the bed, throw up their clothes, pull open their legs, +give a rapid glance at their thighs, belly and cunt-fringe, by which +time my prick was nodding and throbbing. Then followed a grope, and the +next minute I was fucking as hard as I could. +

+

+With Camille all came like new to me. She even anticipated me. If I +pushed her to the side of the bed, she fell on her back and opened her +legs gently, dis-dosing her slit in the most voluptuous manner, without +speaning. If I strove to open her thighs, open they went as wide as +she could make them, leaving me to open,shut, pinch, frig, or probe her +cunt, as I listed. At a hint, she with two fingers would spread open the +lips to enable the fullest inspection. If I turned her round, she would +fall on the bed arse upwards, like a tumbler. If I cocked up a leg, +there she kept it till I pulled it down. I scarcely ever said what I +wanted, she guessed my desires from the way I turned her about. It was +only at a later time when my baudiness grew whimsical, and invented +strange attitudes, or singular caprices of love, that I had to tell her +what I wanted; but at first I was too timid for that. She once said to +me laughing, "I am a born whore, for I like it, and like to see a man +amuse himself with me." +

+

+Her every movement, even when I was tranquil, was exciting. If she sat +down, her limbs were in some position which by contemplation stirred my +lust, and made me rush to stroke her, and was gratified in any form +and manner I liked. With her all forms of copulation were wholesome and +natural, so that I had enough variety. +

+

+I was constantly with her until pretty well fucked out, then I stayed +away a while. When I recommenced she I expect thought I was weary of +her, and set to work to keep me, by putting into my head things I had +not heard, or thought of, asking if I would like to sate my lust in +such, and such ways; and then procuring for me what she had suggested. +

+

+I was indeed worth treating so, for though I only gave her a sovereign +at first, my money quickly began to go into her pocket from mine. The +more variety I had, the more I paid, which was but natural, and fair. +

+

+She had a book full of the baudiest French pictures; there was not an +attitude depicted in it that I did not fuck her in. That done, she asked +me one day if I would like another woman to feel whilst I had her. She +came, and I fucked Camille feeling the other's cunt, longing to fuck it, +but fearing to propose it. Camille guessed what I wanted, and proposed +it herself. With what joy my prick entered the stranger's split, Camille +looking on, holding her cunt open for inspection at the same time, and +going through the motions of frigging herself whilst I was shoving. Then +came endless variety. I had two other French ladies, and fingered their +cunts whilst I fucked a third, then two more, laying cunt upwards, legs +in the air, and arses meeting over Camille's head. At last I had six +altogether at once, and spent the evening with them naked, fucking, +frigging, spending up or over them, making them feel each other's cunts, +shove up dildoes, and play the devil's delight with their organs of +generation, as they are modestly called. +

+

+Then came other suggestions. "I know such a little girl, not above this +high," she said. I ballocked that little girl. Then she knew one six +feet high. She also I had. Then she knew one with an immense duff of +hair on her cunt. Of course I had her. Then one with none at all; and +mightily pleased was I, as my doodle rubbed in and out of that hairless +cunt, the owner laying at the side of the bed, I standing up, and +Camille holding a candle over the hairless quim, to enable me fully to +see and enjoy the novelty, I was pushing up. +

+

+At intervals when worn out with spending, or disinclined to find the +money, needed for this endless variety of women and cunt-hunting; I +frequently spent evenings quietly in Camille's society. I got from her +information about habits of women, in a way which is not often given +to young men by gay women; learned that women thrust sponges up their +cunts, to prevent men finding out they had their courses on. For +the first time with her, I understood that women could, and did frig +themselves; and on her own cunt, placing herself my finger there, I +first knew the exact spot where a women rubs for her solitary +pleasure. She told me of women rubbing their clitoris together so as +to spend,—what the French call tribadism,—and two women of her +acquaintance did this. All of us half spoony with champagne after a +jolly little supper; she set the two girls rubbing their cunts together. +The two girls on the top of each other, I thought a baudy amusement, and +did not believe until after years, that flat fucking was practicable, +and practised, with sexual pleasure. +

+

+Then should I like to see a man? Now it was not many years since I had +frigged two or three, and declined it. Yet one night she expatiated so +much about the wonderful size of a young man's prick, and what a lot +he spent, and how respectable he was, and what gentlemen had him, etc.; +that I who had a dislike to men being near me, consented, and a fine +young Frenchman came. I could not for half-an-hour go near him, but my +temptress meant I should, and I frigged one of the largest pricks I +have ever seen, and saw his spunk squirt over Camille's arse, which the +Frenchman requested her to turn upwards for him to spend on; indeed he +said he could not make his cock stand until he saw her arse. Directly +afterwards I had the most ineffable disgust at him, myself and all, and +never saw him again. +

+

+I would not again be in the room with a man, but she arranged to let +me see through a hole made in the door, herself fucked by another man, +which I immensely enjoyed, but had not the sight repeated. I even used +to hate the idea of her being fucked by any one but myself; not that I +had anything in the way of love or liking for her, which might have been +termed affection. +

+

+So time went on, I paying handsomely, trying to see and do anything she +suggested, and glorifying myself at being in the lucky way of doing and +knowing everything. I told much to some special friends, some of whom +wanted to find out my sources of such enjoyments; others thought I was a +mere braggart. +

+

+Nearly a year ran away, and four thousand pounds, leaving me with +infinite knowledge and a frame pretty well worn; but I never had a love +ailment, nor have I ever taken one from a French woman yet. +

+

+She never suggested arse-hole work. In her book were pictures of +buggering, and she asked me if I would like such a thing. I frightened +at what I knew, which seemed like a horrible dream, said, "certainly +not," and asked if it was possible. She told me it was, but was +"villaine," and the matter was never again referred to. +

+

+With much fucking I got done up, and one night could get no cock-stand. +She asked me if I had ever played at minette. I did not know what it +meant. She told me it was having my prick sucked. I told her no. I have +already narrated my licking the slightly haired cunt of young Martha, +and how when doing so, she having my prick in her hand close to her +mouth, and was playing with it, when scarce thinking of consequences, +"Kiss it," I said, "put it in your mouth"; and that the young girl randy +with my licking, put it to her mouth or tongue, and that I immediately +shot out my spunk without meaning it. That remained in my recollection +as a nasty subject. The big-cunted woman also sucked me against my will. +So when Camille suggested it I refused. There was another French woman +with her; they were both naked on the bed, and I had been fumbling both, +and baudily amusing myself, with no cock-stiff or fucking desire about +me. After a while I laid down on the bed with them, the other French +woman told me, that some men never did anything else, and that she would +like doing it to me. She had found out I was pretty liberal, and I dare +say counted on my being so now, if I could get by her a new sensation; +but I declined. The two women were laying in the reverse direction to +me on the bed, so that I could see and play with both their cunts, a +favorite posture with me then. After extolling the sensation of minette, +she without my consent turned over me, and geting me between her knees +back up, and so that her bum-hole and cunt were within a few inches of +my nose, she began; whilst Camille who knew what would fetch me better +than I knew myself, moved up her backside, so that I might grope her +more freely. The double cunt feeling, the suction and sight generally, +was too much for me, and the mouth soon drew my sperm with long +lingering and half painful pleasure. My tender-tipped prick suffered, as +it often did indeed when not in the proper receptacle. +

+

+The act made some impression on me, for I soon after had it repeated by +the same woman, and she did it that time so that I saw the prick in her +mouth. I expect it upset me instead of giving me pleasure, for I stopped +her, and my doodle dropped; but I permitted her to recommence; then I +felt something press my arse-hole, it tickled and hurt me, I called out, +"What are you doing?" at the same instant spent. "What have you done?" +said I. "Nothing," said she winking at me, for Camille was in the room. +I did not like the business; she had shoved her finger or thumb up my +bum-hole. I was too young to appreciate that luxury, took a horror at +her, and never would have her again, nor would I have my prick sucked +any more. Many years elapsed before I either had my arse-hole felt or +felt a woman's, after that night. +

+

+Then I had an old woman. Those she had brought me had mostly dark-haired +cunts, and her own was black. As cunt was an inexhaustable subject with +me, we were always talking about it. She said she knew a woman whose +hair was quite grey. "Is she very old?" "No not above fifty." That was +older than my mother, and I could not think of it; but the conversation +was renewed. "She has got as much hair as me, but quite grey, nearly +white, and she is a nice clean woman; have us both, and you can see +the black and white together." So a fattish middle-aged woman certainly +fifty and who seemed to me sixty, came; her hair was nearly white, +Camille lent her stockings and chemise to make her decent I suppose, and +the old woman who spoke scarcely a word, but drank furiously, turned up +to me. She made some objection to showing her grummit, remarking she did +not know it was to such a young man, but being told if she did not, she +might go without pay, the sight came off; the cunt-fringe was nearly +white. She was an English woman. Camille suggested I should have her; +the old woman demurred, but Camille settled (and I really used to do +almost what she advised), that I should have her and look at the grey +cunt at the same time. So it came about; but when half up to spunking +time, Camille said, "Take it out of me and put it into her." When a +prick stands and novelty is in the way it rushes at it. Out I pulled +my prick, and put it up the grey cunt, spent in it, and pulled it out +almost before I had finished. I never saw the old lady again. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XIV. +

+
+     Piddlings.—Posturings.—Breast and arm-pit.—A turn over.—
+     Used up.—Wanting a virgin.—Camille departs.—The Major's
+     opinion.—Camille returns.—Louise.
+
+

+I have told the most novel fucking bouts I had with, or through Camille, +excepting the final one; but should say that whatever women she got me +I turned to her with pleasure again. Sometimes when I had one or two to +amuse me, I used to give her the preference for the fuck, and she +always had one of the gruellings, for she was very handsome, understood +everything, was sensuousness itself, but not vulgar. When I had a fit +of extra lewdness she got me other women. Of course she got profit out +of all, a thing I knew nothing about then. Often I had no want but for +her, and she used to strip herself, or dress just as I wished, put her +body into some attitude, then lay and read the paper whilst I used to +sit and read as well, looking up from time to time at her. Then I would +put her in a new attitude, and go on so for a time; then would make her +piss, catch it in the pot, piss at the same time in it, stick a dildo up +her cunt, and have every variety of amusement I could think of. She was +always willing, never in a hurry, never refused. A charming harlot. +

+

+Making her piss was a favorite amusement with me, I would keep her a +whole day without doing it, so that I might have a good long stream out +of her when looking on. +

+

+I was most curious about the way a cunt opened and shut in squatting. It +was the subject of my earnest investigation. I used to put two chairs +so that they would not slip, nearly close together, and lay down with my +head between them. Then Camille naked all but boots and stockings would +stand up on the chairs, one foot on each; the legs naturally a little +open as the chairs were a little apart, just disclosed the cunt. Then +she would sit down slowly, so that I could gradually see the gap widen, +the red nymphoe show, the clitoris jut out, and at length the whole +cunt-gape ready for the piss. Then she would rise slowly and repeat it +till I was tired; then still laying down I used to hold a large basin on +my breast and belly, and squatting above my head she would piss into the +basin. I would feel the cunt, and if very wet, dry it. In all this she +was obedience itself; she never moved from one posture till I told her +to get to another, would answer any question with frankness. +

+

+I have never lost this pleasure in seeing a woman piss, but at that time +was too impatient to vary the amusements which a man and a woman can +have with their piddle. It was reserved to me with other women, notably +a French woman named Gabriell, and Sarah F—r, to have the fullest +variety and enjoyment in that particular. +

+

+I had fucked Camille in every way excepting her arse-hole, I had spent +between her bum-cheeks, but without the slightest intention of invading +the bum-hole between them,—indeed then had a great dislike to looking +at a woman's arse-hole. At last fucked her arm-pits; she had a splendid +arm, and an unusually large quantity of black hair beneath it which +I much admired. One day she was poorly, I began fucking between her +breasts, she suggested another woman, I would not have one; from her +breasts I got to shoving between her arm and her breasts; then she +wetted her arm-pit with Castile soap, which is of a soft slimy nature, +and I fucked and spent between it. After a time we improved on this; she +would lie in a convenient posture, I would lay a sheet of clean white +paper on the bed, and just as I was coming, protrude the tip of my +prick so as to free the pit, and shoot my spunk on to the sheet of white +paper; or would catch the spunk in my own hand, and before my frensy of +pleasure was over rub it on her cunt, then fling myself on the bed and +go to sleep. +

+

+I used to have her at the side of the bed with her bum towards me; then +she would gradually twist herself round, and cocking one leg over my +head, get herself with her back on the bed without uncunting my prick. +This had to be done very gradually, for a jerk, and my prick used to +slip out. I used to bet with her about this, and she generally managed +to twist round and win. "Now push,—keep it well in,—hold on, I am +going to lift my leg," she would cry at the difficult point, which was +when she had got her bum sideways to me, and was about to lift her leg; +then putting my hands well on her hips, I used to draw my belly to her, +and prick into her, as tightly as I could, whilst she gradually raised +a leg, and pressing her bum up to meet my pressure, gradually got on to +her back, with her limbs in a natural easy posture on either side of my +hips. By that time I had got steam well up, and a shove or two usually +let me off. +

+

+At last having done as great a variety of ballocking, and learn more +baudiness than most men of my age, I was knocked up, fucked out. My +mother with whom I still nominally lived, was in despair. My guardian +alarmed at the rate I was spending my money remonstrated, so I left +Camille and her bevy of women, and went to the sea-side. There I +renovated, and then spent my time on the sands, trying to see the women +in the water. As I grew better my randiness returned, I got hold of gay +women, but my old timidity clung to me, I used to pay them to piss, and +had a grope up them; but do not recollect having anything more. I came +back to London, and for two or three days afterwards Camill's cunt had +no rest. Then I temporarily got into another servant, and ceased to see +Camille much. She tried all sorts of inducements to continue it on the +old footing. +

+

+Then although she knew every incident of my life, she took to asking +if I had ever had a virgin, saying, "Are you sure, did you see her cunt +before you had her? Would you not like one again, if I can get you one, +a young virgin French girl, one sure to be a virgin?"—and so on until +she made me doubt if I had ever had one. At last I thought that I should +like to have another. Well, she could get me a young French girl, but +would have to go to France, it would cost a large sum of money. This +talk went on for some time, and little by little I agreed to give her +fifty pounds to pay her journey, and also to keep her lodgings on. She +postponed the journey for a long time, but at length she went. She made +me promise to do something for the girl besides paying her,—which meant +something or nothing,—but I promised to pay the journey of the virgin +back to France, should she want to go; and also whenever I had the girl, +to pay Camille a "Victoria," "because," said she, "you will have my +rooms and prevent my bringing friends home." +

+

+So I came down with fifty pounds. Off she went in quiet dress, and +looked a quiet lady or middle-class woman. She advised me to keep myself +steady, and the very moment before she left, whilst the cab was at the +door, I turned her with bonnet and travelling dress on, bum outwards, +and fucked her; she hurrying me all the time for fear she should loose +the coach, she had not time to piss, or wipe or wash. "It will give me +good fortune perhaps," said she laughing, "or make you wish me back, it +is lucky for me." +

+

+There was but a slow rail to Dover then, nothing but tidal boats, and +to Paris, the way I thought she was going, no rail at all, and it was +a long journey. Whether she went to Paris or not I don't know, but from +later experience think not, that she was a Southern woman, and went +straight home. She was to be back in a month. It came, but not she; +another week, another, and I began to think I had been sold; another, +and I gave her up altogether, and experienced a little relief, for the +habit of seeing her had so got hold of me, that I could not shake it +off, and yet I was tired of her, but I wanted the virgin. +

+

+There was a middle-aged man with whom I chummed much at my Club, a major +retired, and a most debauched individual. He borrowed money of me, and +did not repay it. His freedom of talk about women made him much liked by +the younger men; the older said it was discreditable to help younger men +to ruin. Ordinarily very careful how I spoke about women ( for my loves +having lain much in my mother's house, caution had become habitual to +me). I one night talked about virgins and of getting them. He said such +things were done; that Harridans got a young lass, if well paid for it, +but that they generally sold the girls half-a-dozen times over, "and," +said he, "they train the young bitches so, there is no finding them out; +you may pay for one who was first fucked by a butcher boy, and then her +virginity sold to a dandy; you may pay for it my boy, and not find +out you have been done." I pondered much over this, and the next night +returned to the subject. His opinion was that an old stager like him was +not to be done; but that any randy young beggar would go up the girl, +and flatter himself he had had a virgin, if the girl was cunning. "When +you see the tight covered hole with your eye, find it tight to your +little finger, and then tight to your cock, my boy; when you have +satisfied your eye, your finger, and your cucumber, and seen blood on +it, you may be sure you have had one,—and not otherwise." +

+

+Thought I, "I am going to be humbugged." Another week, no letter, I went +to her lodings, and found she had taken away everything she had with +her. That night I told a little of my hopes to the Major, not telling +him who the kind lady was, or where she was gone; but it made him laugh. +"You are done brown my boy, done brown; that woman will never turn up +again." He joked me so, that I avoided him, and kept the subject to +myself afterwards. +

+

+Again to the lodgings; the landlady could not keep them vacant any +longer; I paid the rent, but she got no parquisites, I increased the +allowance. Then again I went; the landlady said she did not expect to +see her again. I had now set my heart on having this virgin; ten weeks +nearly had gone; I said if Camille was not back next week she might +let the rooms. It passed; a bill was put up in the window, and the next +morning calling as a forlorn hope, there was a letter for me,—she would +be back in a week. I was in a state of excitement that week, and kept +myself chaste, with the idea of the virgin cunt, and Camille's well +paced roger-ing in anticipation. +

+

+The day came. I was so impatient, that I was there quite early; she +arrived some hours earlier than she had said, and seemed surprised at +finding me; my impression is that she did not want me to be there when +she came back. She came in a hackney-coach; a stoutish full-sized young +woman with a funny bonnet and long cloak on, got out of the coach with +her, and in a free-and-easy way helped the things upstairs. She called +her Louise. The wench put down a big box, and on my turning round after +giving Camille a kiss, I saw she had seated herself on it, and hands on +her knees was looking at me. "Uncord the box," said Camille. Said the +girl, "I am tired." She uncorded it, again sitting down, and looking at +me said, "Is that your young man?—he's a good-looking fellow." Camille +told her to hold her tongue, to go on unpacking, and that I understood +French, eying her at the same time in a savage way, and looking at me at +times very uneasily. She was a rough sort of girl, she said, a relative +of a friend of hers, had come as her servant, and in a short time would +understand her place; smiling at me in a knowing way as she said that. +Camille always addressed her servant in French, me in English; but I +understood French tolerably well. +

+

+Louise did as she was told, but bounced about in an independent way, +threw off her cloak and bonnet, and putting her hands on her hips stared +at me again. I stared at her, thinking of the virginity I was destined +to break up. Certainly she was appetizing; her cloak off showed a thick +woolen dress of dark brown striped with blue, a fine big figure, a +couple of big breasts; her arms naked nearly to her shoulders, as +French peasants usually wore them, were large, fleshy, and brown; the +petticoats were half-way up to her knees, and showed the thickest woolen +black stockings on a stout pair of legs, and feet in thick shoes with +brass buckles; she had immense gilt earrings, and was in fact in the +dress of a Bordeaux peasant woman. +

+

+I did nothing but stare at her, Camille nothing but scold her, talking +to me at intervals. The girl got the boxes ready for opening, then +walked about, taking up poker and tongs, chimney ornaments and +everything in the room with curiosity. Camille and I had so much to +say, that we took little notice of her; then she threw up the window and +looked out. As she bent forward her short petticoats showed her legs +up to her knee-backs; Camille was about to stop her looking out, when +I winked, and stooping saw a thick roll of stockings just beneath the +knees, and the flesh just above. Camille understood. "Madame, madame," +said the girl, "come here, here is fun." I heard Punch squeaking in the +streets; she was delighted; her mistress went to the window giving me a +knowing look, and looking out of the window with the girl, put her hands +over the girl's petticoats and lifted them slightly. Louise took no heed +of this being so engrossed with Punch; I dropped on my knees and saw +half-way up the girl's thighs. I had been chaste for a few weeks, or +nearly so, the sight of Camille had fired me, the thighs finished me; I +shoved my hands up Camille's petticoats on to her arse, got her into +her bed-room, and with her clothes in a lump on her belly, drove up my +prick, spending directly I got up her cunt. +

+

+With half my spendings outside, half inside I lay with throbbing prick, +which only came out when it had spent again. Camille vowed she had not +had a man for weeks, and took it out of me, perhaps fearing if I went +away with stiffening left, some other cunt would take it out. The +ballocking over I went home. +

+

+I was early there the next day; Louise had been installed in the little +room leading out of the sitting-room. Camille told me a great deal about +the distance she had gone, and the trouble and expense she had been put +to in getting the girl's relatives to let her come; she hoped I would +pay the additional expenses; and that I did at a cost of about twenty +pounds. What with that and paying for her journey, and for lodgings +while absent, Louise had cost me nearly ninety pounds already. Then I +undertook to pay for the additional room, in which a bed having been +put, an extra was charged; cooking now being done downstairs. Then +Louise must have a new gown; then Camille thought I ought to give her +something for herself, because whilst away for me she had made no money. +That I refused and blazed up about it; for all that agreed to pay for a +new silk dress for her, and a lot of little odds and ends on the second +day of Camille's return, for all of which outlays I had only had a peep +up the girl's petticoats. +

+

+Then I had a talk about her. The girl was the daughter of a small +grape-grower, a friend of Camille's; they thought Camille was in London +as a dressmaker, making a lot of money, because she sent money home to +her father. Camille offered to take her, saying she would be sure to get +on, if not in one way, then in another; that good-looking girls always +did well in London. The girl was mad to come, and persuaded her parents +to let her do so; believing that Camille got her living honestly; she +was to be her servant until she could be put in the way of doing well. +

+

+"What are you going to tell her now? what are you going to do with her? +what will she say when she finds out?" I asked. +

+

+Camille did not know. The girl would find out, and then she must excuse +herself as well as she could, would say it was better, and jollier, and +more money making than to make dresses. Besides, the girl could not help +herself, and would have to make the best of it. +

+

+When was I to have her? I asked. As soon as I could get her; there she +was, and I might try when and how I liked; help me more she could not, +she could not insist on Louise letting me; but no doubt she would in +time, no one else should have her. +

+

+I was not so sure of that. Camille was gay, and although I had for more +than a year excluded most men from the house, yet she did have other +men there, and I knew they would see the girl, might like her, might pay +Camille; all the remarks of the retired major came strongly before me, +and I thought I was going to be sold, and said so. +

+

+She replied that I was not; she would leave me with the girl when I +liked; if the girl spoke to her she would advise her to let me, but +would have nothing to do with influencing her beyond that; and when the +event came off, she meant to be out, so that Louise's friends could not +say anything. If she went gay it was no fault of hers, young women would +have it done to them, it was natural. That was the game she meant to +play. +

+

+I saw that I had paid her only for bringing a girl, and must take my +chance of getting into her; all she would do was to keep the coast +clear. I don't know what I really did expect Camille to do, but think +I imagined that she would have got the girl in bed with her some night, +let me get into bed with them, and helped to make her fuck, if she would +not. This was dissipated, I was to have the chance I should have had +with a servant in my mother's house, or less, for this girl I should not +see so often, and could not be sure she would be so well looked after. +

+

+So Camille went out, leaving me alone with the servant whenever I +wished. I expect she went with other men at houses of friends, and so +got her time paid for twice over, and made a good thing of it; perhaps +she thought, the longer this lasted the better it would be for her. I +think now that that was her game. +

+
+FINIS VOLUME ONE +
+ +
+
+
+
+
+ + + + diff --git a/30360-h/secret2.htm b/30360-h/secret2.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..51611da --- /dev/null +++ b/30360-h/secret2.htm @@ -0,0 +1,8817 @@ + + + + + + My Secret Life, + by Anonymous + + + + + + + +

+ +

+ MY SECRET LIFE +


+

+Volume Two +



+ +
+By Anonymous +
+
+AMSTERDAM +
+
+PRIVATELY PRINTED FOR SUBSCRIBERS +
+
+1888 +
+ +
+
+
+
+
+
+

+This first reprint of "My Secret Life" is for private distribution +among connoisseur collectors. It is strictly limited to four hundred +and seventy five copies, all of which have been subscribed for prior to +publication. +

+ + + +
+
+
+
+
+ + + +

Contents

+ + +
+ + +
+ + +

+CHAPTER I. +

+

+CHAPTER II. +

+

+CHAPTER III. +

+

+CHAPTER IV. +

+

+CHAPTER V. +

+

+CHAPTER VI. +

+

+CHAPTER VII. +

+

+CHAPTER VIII. +

+

+CHAPTER IX. +

+

+CHAPTER X. +

+

+CHAPTER XI. +

+

+CHAPTER XII. +

+

+CHAPTER XIII. +

+

+CHAPTER XIV. +

+

+CHAPTER XV. +

+

+CHAPTER XVI. +

+

+CHAPTER XVII. +

+

+CHAPTER XVIII. +

+

+CHAPTER XIX. +

+

+CHAPTER XX. +

+

+CHAPTER XXI. +

+ + +
+
+ +
+
+
+
+
+ + + + +

+ DETAILED CONTENTS. +

+
+CHAPTER I.—Louise sapped.—Suspicions.—Lectures on virginity with live +
+illustrations.—Drugged for inspection.—Camille's hesitation.—Absents +
+herself.—The house in G.. d. n s.... e.—Baudy prints.—A feel, a +
+sniff, and a kiss.—Out shopping.—Garters.—Dinner, and after. +
+
CHAPTER II.—Undressing.—Silk stockings and garters.—The +
+attack.—Foiled on the outside.—A battery.—A breech.—A tough +
+virginity.—Triumphant.—Sanguinary proofs.—The second entry.—My +
+foreskin.—Twenty-four hours fucking.—Gamahuching.—Six days +
+pleasure.—Camille returns. +
+
CHAPTER III.—Camille at home.—Her little game.—My greenness.—The +
+house in O.. d. n street.—The glove-shop.—Louise fatigues me.—Fred +
+on the scent.—A cigar-shop.—Three into one.—A clap.—Serious +
+reflexions.—The sisters disappear. +
+
CHAPTER IV.—Enforced chastity.—A stricture.—Health restored.—Mrs. +
+Pender.—A peep from a hay-stack.—In a cowhouse.—-Stable and +
+barn.—Mother's satisfaction. +
+
CHAPTER V.—Aunt at the dairy.—Morning amusements with Pender.—Female +
+haymakers.—Mrs. Whiteteeth.—An exhibition of cock.—Against a field +
+gate.—A night on the grass.—A sight from the barn-loft.—Robert the +
+page.—Molly. +
+
CHAPTER VI.—Joey and nursemaid.—The privy in the +
+laurel-walk.—Scared.—Whiteteeth in the ditch.—The nursemaid's +
+bed-room.—Robert amusing her.—A lost virginity.—Aunt and +
+Joey.—Nearly caught.—Amatory instructions to nursemaid. +
+
CHAPTER VII.—Molly and Giles.—A country ale-house.—Pender's +
+history.—How her virginity was taken.—White-teeth's ailment.—Molly in +
+the loft.—Interrupted.—Molly tailed. +
+
CHAPTER VIII.—Field-women.—Fred at home.—Smith, the field-foreman.—A +
+rape of a juvenile.—Fucking consequences.—Nelly consents.—Fred looks +
+on. +
+
CHAPTER IX.—Laura and Fred.—Vauxhall amusements.—A juvenile +
+harlot.—A linen stopper.—The hairless and the hairy.—Ten and +
+forty.—A snub.—At my aunt's.—Nursemaid and page missing.—Pender with +
+child.—Molly and Giles caught.—Mr. Pendler's letch. +
+
CHAPTER X.—Nelly and Sophy.—The beer-house again.—Sophy's belly.—On +
+the road.—Against a tree.—At the baudy house with Sophy.—Her +
+narrative. Tom and the three sisters.—Fred on the scent.—Pendler's +
+troubles. +
+
CHAPTER XI.—Out shooting.—A female carter.—A feel in the +
+train.—Molly in London.—Giles in town.—Fred on the scene.—Molly at +
+the Hall.—Copulation in uniform.—A sham illness.—An afternoon with +
+Molly.—She turns harlot.—Gets clapped.—Her baby. +
+
CHAPTER XII.—Nelly and Sophy.—Nelly at the Argyle.—In town +
+with Fred.—On the sofa with Mabel.—The effect of black +
+stockings.—Interference.—In bed.—Mabel's bad habits.—A ladies' +
+school.—The bath-room.—My cousins naked.—Marie the curate's +
+wife.—Cunt inspections.—Servants washing.—Flat-fucking. +
+
CHAPTER XIII.—Fred on flat-fucking.—In town with Laura.—Back at +
+the school.—Pictures for young ladies.—Fred's ankle.—Mrs. Maria's +
+weakness.—To London alone.—Laura and Mabel.—Three in a bed.—A risky +
+poke.—Groping for the pot.—Nearly caught.—Fred joins us. +
+
CHAPTER XIV.—My cousin at home.—Pender's belly.—A lawyer's +
+letter.—Action for crim-con threatened.—Suspicions.—A +
+compensation.—The Penders leave.—Wholesale whorings.—A frolic at Lord +
+A...'s.—After dinner.—Newspaper readings.—A strange rape.—Bets +
+on pricks.—Pricks felt.—Fred on his head.—Beds on the +
+floor.—Free-fucking.—End of the orgie. +
+
CHAPTER XV.—Morning headaches.—An indignant housekeeper.—A +
+saucy valet.—Consequences.—Fred leaves England.—Lady A... 's +
+invitation.—Laura a widow.—Farewell Laura.—Adieu Mabel.—My +
+guardian's remonstrances.—Parental advice.—Ruined.—Reflexions.—My +
+relations. +
+
CHAPTER XVI.—Married, and miserable.—Virtuous +
+intentions.—Consequences.—Mary Davis—A virtuous child.—Low-class +
+fucksters.—A concupiscent landlady.—Reflexions on my career.—the +
+sizes of pricks.—My misconception. +
+
CHAPTER XVII.—Irish Kate.—Drink, heat, fleas, and French letters.—The +
+bricklayer afterwards.—I give luck.—The lost breast-pin.—The +
+cholera's victim. +
+
CHAPTER XVIII.—Costermonger's children.—A small girl, mother, and +
+mangle.—A French letter fetched.—Young Callow's exploits.—The +
+customers' linen.—A hard-fleshed bum.—Invitation to anus.—A strange +
+letch.—One big with child.—Fucked for a sovereign, and pleasure.—A +
+Creole.—My misery.—Reflexions. +
+
CHAPTER XIX.—My home life.—Heartbroken.—In the parlour.—Maid Mary's +
+sympathy.—Don't cry Master.—On the sofa.—Both in lust.—Impotent. +
+
CHAPTER XX.—The next day.—On the door-mat.—On the sofa.—On her +
+belly.—Eight hours fucking.—At a brothel.—An afternoon's amusement. +
+
CHAPTER XXI.—Preliminary.—Mary's +
+seduction.—Flight.—Desertion.—Going to the post-office.—A halfpenny +
+signal.—Against an arm chair.—The privy watched.—Nearly caught.—Mary +
+suspected.—Dismissed.—In lodgings.—Service again.—My cousin +
+sir.—Letters lost.—Mary disappears.—Seven years afterwards.—Sequel. +
+
+ +
+
+
+
+
+ + + + + +

+ CHAPTER I. +

+
+     Louise sapped.—Suspicions.—Lectures on virginity with live
+     illustrations.—Drugged for inspection.—Camille's
+     hesitation.—Absents herself.—The house in G..d.n Sq..e.—
+     Baudy prints.—A feel, a sniff and a kiss.—Out shopping.—
+     Garters.—Dinner and after.
+
+

+I went to work to get into Louise, having no compunctions, it seemed to +me the most natural thing in the world. I had read about the naughtiness +of seduction, but my associates had taught me, that every girl wanted +fucking, and was longing secretly for it, high, or low, rich or poor, it +was the same. As to servants, and women of the humbler class, that they +all took cock on the quiet, and were proud of having a gentleman to +cover them. Such was the opinion of men in my class of life and of my +age. My experience with my mother's servants corroborated it; and so to +get into Louise seemed both natural and proper. +

+

+I suppose there is but one way ordinarily of beginning with a woman. +A man must first make himself agreeable, then successively familiar, +endearing, coaxing, loose, bold, baudy, determined, then if needs be +fierce, or even violent. This order comes naturally to man cunt-hunting, +and ends in fucking. It does not follow that if the early stages pass +easily, that the last shall ensure success. Occasionally the woman is +scared, put on her guard against herself, and the man, and the chance is +lost. +

+

+This course had become familiar to me at home, and I began. No person in +the house except Camille and Madame Boileau spoke French; there was no +other to speak at all, so my conversation was acceptable. At the end of +a week I had kissed her to her contentment. No strong, healthy woman of +eighteen is otherwise than gratified by the kisses of a young man. Money +I knew now told much, and I gave to her who had never perhaps had five +shillings to call her own. She gave me a kiss in the dark passage, I +hugged her and pushed outside at her cunt, she ran upstairs angry, but +had forgot it the next day. +

+

+Looking at her and longing used to make me randy, then if near, +Camille's cunt got the benefit of it. The girl used to eye us when we +went into the bed-room. She had a quarrel with her mistress, and said +she should go home. Camille said she might; but speaking only French, +and without money, how could she? Just then, through change of climate +and living, she fell ill. +

+

+We were very kind to her. I got her everything. When asleep one day, +Camille partly uncovered her, and showed me her limbs naked; they were +so fine, and so excited me, that but for Camille, I think I should have +ravished her. She soon got well, and I said, that if I did not soon have +her, I should cease seeing her. "Who hindered?" Camille asked. There she +was, I might have her. +

+

+Then I had a suspicious fit. All the old Major had told me about fellows +being sold, and taken in by women who were not virgins came to my mind. +The girl was never out but for a few minutes at a time to fetch things, +yet other men saw Camille, and some might have seen and had the girl. +Camille had once taken her out in a cab; she might have been to some +man's. So I said I would not give the money unless I saw her virgin cunt +first. After a day or two, Camille agreed to it if I would give her ten +pounds down, and would swear never to disclose it to the girl. +

+

+I thought still I was to be fooled, so I called upon my old +schoolfellow, who used to say, "Snatch at her cunt, and show her your +cucumber." He had been one at the frigging match, and had just been +appointed assistant-surgeon at a hospital; he was a bachelor and +baudy-minded as ever. "M...," said I, "have you ever seen a virginity?" +"Many," he replied, "I have dissected them, and if girls have anything +the matter with their wombs, or cunts, we get a look, they don't mind a +doctor. If a girl has piles, I make her turn up, and have opened several +fine women's virgin cunts, asking questions all the while, if they feel +this or feel that. They say yes or no, which of course I knew they +would say, but they think I am very clever for asking. Some like a +young doctor's fingers on their privates, though they say they object. +Assistants only get the chance with the poor, the better classes have +older married men." +

+

+I asked him to explain one to me on a woman, and he did. We went home +with the same women; they were astonished, for instead of pulling our +pricks out, we both merely felt and looked at them, and he gave me a +full lecture. It was an odd sight to see him explaining the situation of +a virginity, I holding a candle to see better. One of the girls roared +with laughter, the others fancied they had some ailments, when they +found out he was a doctor, and he gave them advice. +

+

+I don't mean ailments of their cunts. We did not fuck either of the +women. +

+

+From reading, his descriptions, his sketches and what he pointed out on +three different cunts, I felt satisfied that I should know a virgin, and +told Camille what I had done. She was then good enough to point out to +me on her own cunt, where her virginity had been, as far as she could +recollect it. She was quite sure about Louise, and explained that girls +being with their parents in France were well watched; that the loose +pricks about a town were all taken by the married women,—which I did +not believe. +

+

+One night I was to see it, I waited for a signal from a window, of two +lights, rushed across the road and was let in by Camille. We went into +Louise's bedroom. There the girl lay in her night-dress on the bed, +insensible. "We must be quick," said Camille. Then she threw the girl's +clothes rapidly up above her naval, gently pulled apart her legs, and +held open the lips of the girl's cunt. It was such as had been described +to me. My excitement was fearful. She was a splendid limbed woman, +looked twenty-five instead of eighteen years old. Her cunt-hair +jet-black, crisp and thick as on a negress' head, grew up her mens and +down besides the lips. The vermillion stripe in the midst of it was +enough to drive any man mad. I put out my hand to touch it, but Camille +pulled it back. "No, no," she said in a suppressed voice, "you must go, +you promised me." "Let me fuck then." "No, go at once." She pulled me +towards the door, the girl was breathing heavily. Wild with lust, I +pulled out my prick. "Come away, you promised, she must see neither of +us." "One look more then." Again Camille opened the cunt-lips. +

+

+As she did so, Louise gave a groan, and turned round on one side opening +her eyes wide. Camille blew out the light, and pulled me into the +sitting-room. "You must go," she said. I wanted to fuck her, but she +would not let me. +

+

+I met a woman in Regent street, it was raining hard. Much as I still +hesitated at going with strange, gay women, I went home with her, threw +her down with her clothes on. The instant I saw her cunt, and almost +before I could get my prick out I spent over her bum and thighs. She +remarked, "You did want it, and no mistake." I left, got down to the +Italian Opera. Crowds of women walked under the Colonade, they often +then wore low dresses walking. I went to a baudy house with one, and +fucked her thinking of the black-haired motte and lips between the +thighs of the unconscious Louise. +

+

+I never knew what Camille had given the girl. She said she had made her +drunk with champagne. Louise on a subsequent day said she had got drunk +with champagne, but she never knew that I had seen her on that night. +I believe that something else had been given to her to make her +insensible. There was a convulsive movement in her body as she turned +round; her limbs before she did so seemed dead, her breathing resembled +a groan, her breast heaved distressingly, she opened her eyes, but saw +nothing. The more I reflected, the less I understood the agitation of +Camille, who usually was so calm. +

+

+I had seen the girl's virgin cunt, and recollect the look of pussy, +belly, thighs, and slit. The cunt-hole as I held the candle near it +seemed to be covered, excepting a little perforation just big enough +to put a little finger through, corresponding with my surgical friend's +description; yet I seemed to have less recollection of it than of all +the rest of her body. It was confused, strange, like the remains of a +dream on my mind. So much had suspicion taken possession of me, that I +was by no means now sure I was not being done. I paid Camille the ten +pounds. When she had got them, she said she expected the fifty pounds +all the same, that the cunt inspection was a preliminary she had not +bargained for. I thought I was being cheated, and said so. We had a +row, but such a fool was I, so much desire had I to get into this +girl,—simply because she was a virgin,—that at last I agreed to it. +

+

+The girl could not get up the next day. I saw her in her bed by +myself; she said she had been ill through eating something, and had had +champagne. I caressed her, and in spite of her struggles, got my hands +on her breasts and half-way down her belly, spoke baudy, pulled out my +prick, was repulsed, and gave her a sovereign. Camille came back and +I fucked her. I recollect telling Camille, that there was a wonderful +likeness in face, colour of hair, eyes, limbs, and even in cunt, between +her and her servant. Camille laughed and said, the two families had +always been thought to be much alike, and were related. +

+

+Louise became inquisitive about my intimacy with Camille. "Was I her +lover? Was I fond of her?" "Yes I had been, but was not now." "Why did I +come there?" "To see you, my dear." +

+

+When Louise first arrived Camille was particular in not exposing her own +legs or breast to me. Before that she used in warm weather to be with +naked breasts, a chemise and slippers often being her only garments. Now +she got into slipshot dressing again, and began to talk baudy. She had +told Louise how she got her living, and talked about making money by +fucking, so she told me; but she would not let me take any liberties +with her before Louise. She went out leaving me alone with her, taking +my money when she returned. It is a wonder to me now how I stood all +this, felt I was being humbugged, played with, and yet things went on as +I describe. Three weeks had elapsed, or more, and yet I had never felt +Louise's cunt. So I told Camille she was humbugging me. Louise got funny +in her behaviour to Camille, said she would or wouldn't, and one day +they had a quarrel, in which Louise insolently remarked about something +she wanted, that Camille would do well not to show the point of her nose +in the village any more. When alone I said to Camille, I was not to +have the girl I supposed. Who hindered me? "Help me." "How?" Being in +a blackguard humour I said, "Make her drunk, and then I will have her." +No, it should never be said that that happened in her rooms; if a woman +let a man of her own free will, well and good; if he got into her fair +and square, good; a woman might do what she liked,—it was natural to +have a man;—if Louise liked it, it was not her business; but she would +not have her made drunk. +

+

+I said she was always in the way. She said she must live there. "You +would like me to go out of town for a fortnight." Said I, "That is the +best thing you can do." She said she could not. +

+

+I insisted, and at length she agreed to go for ten days, I paying her I +think fifteen pounds for her lodgings. Off she went, and I dare say went +to a friend's close by, I never knew. She said she was sorry she had +brought the girl to London. Louise was not to know that I was aware of +her departure. The last words she said to me were, "I suppose when you +have her you will leave me." I replied I had no such intention, nor had +I; but a gay woman is a good judge of the future. +

+

+I must now describe the lodgings more closely. The ground-floor was +occupied by a cloth merchant; there was no shop, but in the windows were +some bales of cloth, a brass name-plate was on the inner door, the +top of the house was the cloth-dealer's store. The man was rarely in +England, the entrance to the shop from the hall was always locked, and I +never saw more than one man enter it. +

+

+The first floor Camille had. On the second floor was a grumpy old woman +named Boileau; she took charge of the house. I scarcely ever saw the old +woman excepting when she opened the door, and then she neither spoke or +looked at me. Until Louise came, Camille had had a French servant. Some +years afterwards it turned out that the woolen shop was used by the +foreigners for forging foreign notes; the cloth business was but a mask. +Camille had been there two years. +

+

+Off Camille went. That same day I was at the house. Madame, Louise said, +had gone for ten days into the country, and had left word that no one +was to be let in. I went upstairs saying I should come when I liked, +that as Camille had gone, we could do as we liked. She looked hard at +me. +

+

+"I expect Madame has gone off with some man," said I, "she will get a +good lot of fucking." She had heard me talking baudy, and knew that word +in English and French. Then we had breakfast together, and I made love +to her. +

+

+Louise was as vain as a peacock, and excessively fond of her stomach. +When she had a glass of champagne, she used to swallow it as fast as +she could. This weakness and inclination in any woman places her at the +mercy of a man who will spend his money; and though I did not then see +the advantages of money as plainly as I see it now, I instinctively used +it. +

+

+"This is jolly," said I, "we will go and have dinner, then go to the +theatre, do what we like afterwards." Her eyes sparkled, but she feared +to go, for "Madame was such a demon when offended." "Who would know? The +people in the house would not know what we did," I replied. +

+

+It was yet only mid-day. "Nobody can interrupt us, let's have luncheon +here, I will get the wine." A french restaurateur sent in a hot luncheon. +I fetched champagne, then bethought myself of something which had not +occurred to me before. +

+

+Camille had as said a big album full of voluptuous pictures. When she +went to fetch Louise I asked her to leave it with me till her return. +She said, "I will pawn it to you for ten pounds." I lent that sum. Since +her return she had not asked for it, maybe thinking I would ask for my +ten pounds. I knew now well the effect of baudy pictures in exciting +lust, so I fetched it. We had luncheon and champagne, she laughed,. +talked, objected to sit down with me, but at last was thoroughly at home +with me, and for the first time talked freely of her mistress, whom +she feared. She disclosed a deal of simplicity and a very great deal of +vulgarity, for she was an utter vulgar peasant girl; but I didn't mind +anything to get up her cunt. +

+

+Good living heats the body and stimulates randi-ness; there is fifty +times as much danger in leaving a young couple together with their +stomachs full of good food, than when they are empty. A gentle heat, a +sense of fullness, a gentle swelling, creeps up the stem of the man's +prick, the knob feels tender and voluptuous; a gentle moisture distills +in the woman's cunt, heat and an alloverish feeling, from clitoris +to arse-hole overcomes her. Both are then ready for fucking, and only +restrained from going at it by various social reasons, which determine +our actions in every-day life. Such was our state when kissing and +laughing we put away the things. Then we sat side by side on the sofa, +with my arm round her waist. +

+

+I produced the book, which I had brought with me. I recollected how, +pouring over it with Sarah or Susan, the pictures in my "Fanny Hill" +used to throw them into a state of randiness which it was left me to +appease. Susan used to say, that she only had to look at the pictures +for a minute, to make her want "to forget herself." I took the book out +of the paper; it was a large square book, which immediately attracted +her attention. "What is that?" she asked. "Pictures." "Oh! show me." +"Come on then." She sat on my knee, I put my left arm round her waist. +"Give me a kiss." She gave it. "Now let me look." I had placed my right +hand on her thigh outside her clothes, and was thinking, what a nice +chance I had for throwing her back on the sofa, but I opened the first +page. It was a fine, large coloured print (how well I remember it) of +a bed-room. On the bed knelt two young women side by side, their +petticoats thrown over their backs, and showing their backsides to their +waists. Close by stood a middle-aged woman looking at them; through the +door were the heads of two men peeping at the posterings, lust was on +their faces. One of the girls had a much fatter bum than the other, both +cunts were visible, the hair of one black, the other, light. It was +a bet as to who had the handsomest posterior, the woman to decide was +saying, "Marie a gagne, ell a la plus vonde et la plus belle." +

+

+Louise gave a loud "oh!" as if taken by surprise, her face changed +blood-red, she turned the cover over and burst into a fit of laughter, +tried to get away from me, but I held her fast, so she put her head over +my shoulder and laughed, I laughing with her. "You have as nice a bum +as the dark one," said I. "There is nothing more like that, look through +it." I opened the book again; under her eyes was a picture of a woman +undressed, laying at the edge of the bed, her legs open, her middle +finger on her cunt; by her side a man with trowsers down, his prick out +stiff and crimson-tipped, one hand on the woman's thigh, and intensely +looking at her cunt. +

+

+"I want to do that with you," I said. "Fi donc! c'est villain," said +she, and pushed the book violently away. It fell on the floor, and at +the same instant she attempted to rise. I held her tightly, and pulling +her back on to the big sofa, her legs flying up, I threw up her clothes +in front, showing her fine pair of thighs, and the next minute I had +my mouth and nose buried in the hair, kissing and sniffing it, my hands +roving about wherever I could feel warm flesh. +

+

+With a shriek,—then another,—she twisted round (in doing so my nose +rubbed on her clitoris), her petticoats fell down, she got across the +room to her bedroom, and bolted the door. +

+

+I stood shouting, "What a beautiful form, what thighs, how dark the hair +on your cunt, how lovely my nose has rubbed on it; let me see it again, +let me fuck you, have pity on me." All that suggested itself to a +man whose prick was ready to discharge in his breeches did I say, but +fruitlessly, she made no reply. I went back to the sofa and considered +what to do. Soon I heard her moving, crept to the door, and heard the +rattle of piddle. "You're piddling out of that dear cunt," said I, "how +I wish I could feel it." The rattle stopped, and again I went back to +the sofa. +

+

+I had told her that I would take her out, and called to her to get +ready, she never answered. A few minutes afterwards I wanted to shit; it +was needful to go down-stairs into a yard. Thought I, "If she hears me +go down she will come out;—ah! if she does, there is the book, I wonder +if she will look at it." I opened it at a picture she had not seen, +tearing up little bits of newspaper, I placed them between adjoining +pages, so that if opened the bits must fall out, then said, "I am going +downstairs; if you won't go out, I will go without you." +

+

+I stayed at the shit-house some time, went up quietly, and heard her +door close as I went up the stairs. When I entered the room I looked at +the book; it was just as I had placed it, but two of the bits of paper +had dropped out. "Louise, Louise, you have been looking at the book." +"You lie," said she quickly. "You have, I put bits of paper in, and they +have fallen out, so you must have." "I have not," said she. +

+

+"I wanted to take you to see the shops, to the theatre, if you won't +answer I shall go alone, and dine alone." "I shan't come then." "Don't," +said I in a huff, then went to Camille's bed-room and washed. "I am +going, will you come? In another minute I shall be gone without you". +

+

+"Will you promise not to be méchant" (the French term). "I have not been +wicked," said I. She was yielding; I knew she was wild to go out with +me. "Will you promise to leave off talking so." "Not for ever; how can +I when I have seen what I have." "I have no boots, only my thick shoes." +"Come in those." "Camille has left a pair they are too big, and there +is a hole in them." But it ended in her putting them on. Dressed, she +looked an odd mixture of a peasant and a servant, who had got on some +of her mistress' things. I was ashamed to walk out with her; she saw +something in the expression of my face which wounded her pride. "You +don't like walking out with me," she said, and sitting down big tears +came into her eyes, "but I am handsomer than Madame, my feet are smaller +although my leg is bigger; my shoes are shameful, she would not let me +have boots like hers, she said she would send me home; she won't go +home again, if I tell them about her." Thus she jabbered on in a fume, +till she had exhausted herself, her pride wounded, excited much by +feasting, by the baudy book and my kiss on her cunt. She talked so fast +in her provincial French, that I could scarcely understand what she +said. +

+

+I did not care what I spent, so that I could spend up Louise. "I am +proud to walk with you, and I will buy you a pair of boots." She jumped +up with delight. "But you shall let me do one thing." "What?" "Let me +feel your leg, which you say is so big." "Volontiers," said she, "there +is no harm in feeling a leg; in my country our clothes only just come +below our knees," and so with joking, kissing, and a promise to let me +put the boots on, out we went in a cab. +

+

+I took her to a boot-maker's, and fitted her to perfection; she was +delighted, and in the cab did nothing but put up her feet to look at +them. She let me feel her legs, after she had pulled her petticoats +tight round the knee; I wanted to go higher, "No, no," she said; but I +pushed up, on to her thighs. +

+

+I bought her a bonnet, but it had to be altered and was to be sent home +in the evening; I got out of the cab and going into a shop without +her, bought (guessing the size) white silk stockings and showy garters, +without telling her. Then I bought her gloves, a collar, and one or two +other things, and then we went to dine. +

+

+As I bought each successive article I told my wants coarsely enough. +I felt her in the cab, and got so excited, that I pulled my cock out, +keeping it covered with my handkerchief, removing it from time to time +as I thought the sight of the cock would excite her. "The omnibus, the +omnibus" she cried out suddenly. Forgetting myself and all but my wants, +I had exposed my randy doodle just as an omnibus passed, and as I looked +up, there was the conductor laughing at me. I went to the N.... n +hotel, then just opened, and ordered a dinner; there the collars, cuffs, +gloves, and other things, she fitted on and looked at, and laid them +down, so that she could see them when dining. Gloves she had never put +on in her life before. The anticipation of the bonnet filled her with +delight; it was handsomer she was sure, than any one she ever saw Madame +wear; did I not think she would be handsomer than Madame, if as well +dressed? she was wild with conceit, and told me again how Madame had +refused to buy her things she wished; saying, that a servant could not +be allowed to wear them. This grievance had sunk deeply into her mind. +Meanwhile talking, laughing, joking, sometimes saying, "fi! fi! donc," +sometimes, "oh! villain!" sometimes giving me a kiss, sometimes saying, +"be quiet," she ate a good dinner, drank more champagne than she was +aware of, got more and more talkative, whilst I got more and more lewd. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER II. +

+
+     Undressing.—Silk stockings and garters.—The attack.—
+     Foiled on the outside.—A battery.—A breech.—A tough
+     virginity.—Triumphant.—Sanguinary proofs.—The second
+     entry.—My foreskin.—Twenty-four hours fucking.—
+     Gamahuching.—Six days pleasure.—Camille returns.
+
+

+"The bonnet will be home," said I, "let us go." "Allons, allons," so +off we went. It was dusk when we got in the cab. "I am to put on the +stockings if I give you a pair, and to feel," I said. "No man has, c'est +trop fort, you ask too much; you may put on garters below the knee." +"Why not above?" "Oh! quite different," said she, "in the fields no girl +minds putting her garter on before all the world below knee; but +above, sh! that is disgrace." Such is fashion, I have seen an Italian +market-woman stoop forward and piss whilst talking to a man (a +neighbouring stall-keeper): she saw no harm. An English woman would +burst first; yet if the Italian had put his hand rudely up her legs, +that man might have been stabbed by the woman. Louise saw no indecency +up to the knees, but above was a disgrace. "Put your boots up," I said, +up they went. "I may put garter to there?" said I feeling outside. +"Yes." I shoved my hand up her petticoats on to her thighs, they closed, +and down went the legs: a squeal, a struggle, but on her thighs I kept +it until I got to the house. +

+

+We let ourselves in, the bonnet had not come, Louise opened the window +to look out for it, although it was dark. A ring came, it was the +bonnet; down she rushed for it. "Bring lights, bring lights," said she +taking one in her hand herself, the bonnet in the other; and rushing +into Camille's room where there were large glasses; she put on the +bonnet, clapped her hands for joy, and kissed me saying, I was so good. +She put on her gloves, and collar, turning round to me each time, and +asking how she looked. "Let me sleep with you, and I will buy you a +dress to-morrow morning," said I. "Impossible, impossible, was I not +going now," said she thoughtfully on a sudden. "No," I meant to sleep +there; and as I had fetched a valise, I pulled out my things, took off +my boots, put on a dressing-gown. "There," said I, "I shall sleep here +till Camille comes home." "There will be a row then, and what will I +do? Madame Boileau (the old woman upstairs) must know, and will tell +Madame," and she looked hard at me. +

+

+Then she was attracted by my dressing-gown which was showy, but soon +began looking at herself again, and took off all her finery with a sigh. +"I am so hot and thirsty," said she. It was not wonderful, for she had +fed twice heavily, and been champagning off and on for hours, her hands +were burning, heat was throughout her frame. "Let's have some more +champagne," said I, and opened a bottle; I pulled my trows-ers off,—it +was so hot,—being then in dressing-gown, drawers, and slippers, I made +up my mind to force her, if I could do it no other way. Then my eye +caught sight of a white muslin wrapper which Camille wore, it was tied +down the front with blue bows. +

+

+"Put on Madame's wrapper, if you are hot, you will look handsomer than +she does." She went into Camille's room, bolted herself in, and came +out looking splendid, and had only on beneath the wrapper, her coarse +chemise, which I could see (as indeed I knew before) just reached below +her knees. My heart palpitated, I was in my dressing-gown, she with but +the thinnest garments on. +

+

+The champagne was before us, we were on the sofa, my arm was round her +waist; through the thin folds of her light dress I could feel her firm +haunches and well-moulded body; I talked baudy, squeezed her to me, +pressed her thighs with one hand, and put the other down her bosom. +Every now and then there was a scuffle, a cry, and forgiveness; then +resistance grew fainter, another glass of champagne, and her head +dropped on my shoulder, subdued by amourousness, and when I asked her +to let me sleep with her, she only said, "Oh! I dare not. I must not." +I slipped my hand up to her thighs, she put her hand down stopping its +progress. "If I could only get her into the bed-room, and on to the +bed," I thought and went to Camille's room, the candles were still +burning. "Would you like silk stockings? here they are." "Is it so?" +said she bounding up. I held them up before her. "Let me put them on." +"The garters above knee, mind." "Yes, yes," said she impatiently, "Give +them me". +

+

+She sat down on the side of the bed, and let me put them on, putting one +leg up after the other, pulled off her new boots and old stockings, I +saw her thighs, but she never heeded, so anxious was she to get the silk +stockings on. I had thrown off my dressing-gown, and knelt in front +of her as a boot-maker does in fitting on boots. I was so slow, that +impatiently she said, "Give it me, give it me," pulled it on herself, +and then put on the boot. I sat down on the floor, lowering my head and +looking. Her silks and boots engrossed her. My prick came out from under +my shirt, stiff, standing, and pointing up to her; she never saw it, +but got up directly one garter was on, contemplated one leg in the +cheval-glass, laughed with delight, turned round, kissed me; then on +went the other. As I put that garter on, I kissed the thigh just above +it, up she got, lifted her robe to see her legs, strutted up and down +in front of the glass until tired of looking. Her fine limbs looked +exquisite in the silks and boots. +

+

+I cuddled and kissed her, put my arm round her. "Do let me dear," I +said. I got my hand up her clothes and between her thighs, she crossed +her legs without replying. "I will fuck you, I swear I will," said I as +I forced my hand still closer in. "Oh! oh!" she said, and nothing more. +I pulled her backwards on the bed, my cock stiff, standing, was under +her eyes, drew her lips close to mine kissing rapidly: my fingers rubbed +the warm slit, her bum began to move uneasily, her breathing was short, +her thighs unclosed, my finger slipped farther. "Oh! don't hurt me," she +said sharply. Pressing her backwards on the bed, I lifted her limbs, she +was yielding, meant fucking. I ripped open at once the slight blue +bows which fastened the muslin gown, threw up the chemise, saw the +well-rounded limbs in silk, the bright red garters, the thighs above, +the black hair of her cunt, rolled on to her, was between her thighs, my +naked belly on hers, my prick touching the cunt-lips. +

+

+The accumulators of my ballocks must have been gorged with sperm. Off +and on all day my prick had been on the stand, I had feared to touch +it lest it should go off, nor had I put the girl's hand on to it; the +last-hour my prick had been erect without subsiding. As my belly met +hers a tremor shook my whole frame. "My God, shall I spend outside?" +thought I; my prick like an iron rod touched the top of the wet slit and +slid right down on its passage. Is she virgin? a sharp cry, "Oh! don't +hurt me," I felt an obstacle, pushed violently again and again, "oh! +oh! don't," and then throb, throb, throb, with each throb a jet of sperm +shot out against the mouth of the orifice I had not penetrated, I lost +my power in the contentment of a copious emission, and the pleasurable +certainty, that no prick had yet been up the hole against which mine had +been battering. +

+

+Next was fear lest she should get up, so rapid had the spend overtaken +me, that I had not got my hands under her, they were on the side of her +smooth haunches. To keep her under me until my powers returned, I slid +one hand under her bum, the other under her waist, and squeezed her to +me, then gently loosening my belly a little from hers I pushed again +where my prick laid. With what delight I found it still stiff, with an +obstacle in its front; I nestled gently in the spermy lips, the heat, +the smoothness gave me a tittillation as if a spend was again not far +off, and that I need not have feared my manhood. With pride and power +I clasped her, feeling sure she was virgin. There she lay in all her +beauty, submitting to my will, I enjoying my sense of power, wriggling +gently for a minute, till my prick demanded its right of entry. I +pushed, a sharp "oh!" a harder push, a louder cry, the obstacle was +tight and hard indeed, I had never had such difficulty before; my lust +grew fierce, her cry of pain gave me inexpressable pleasure, and saying +I would not hurt, yet wishing to hurt her and glorying in it, I thrust +with all the violence my buttocks could give, till my prick seemed to +bleed, and pained me. "Oh! mon Dieu! ne faites pas ca, get away, you +shan't," she cried, "oh! o-o-oh!". My prick moved forward, something +which had tightened round, and clipped it gave way; suddenly it glided +up her cunt, still tighter I clasped her, as she moved with pain beneath +me, my balls were dangling on her bum, my sperm shooting against the +neck of her womb, and I had finished the toughest virginity I ever had +yet. +

+

+The job was done, months of anticipation, hopes, fears, and desire, +were over; my prick was in the cunt of a French virgin, at a cost of two +hundred pounds. After my second poke, I had a feeling of pleasure and +tranquillity, a weight off my mind, a future of voluptuousness before +me. My cock still lingered in her cunt, I moved it about, excited and +full of lusty vigor could have gone on fucking; but letting my penis +withdraw, I lay thinking about her cunt, then with a kiss lifted myself +off the beautiful creature who lay under me with eyes closed. I saw +the gauzy dressing-gown lying open, the blue bows torn, a coarse white +chemise in a well pressed heap, above a navel, an ample belly, finely +formed thighs, of a slightly brown tint, and on the chemise beneath +large spots of sperm, patches of blood, and spunk streaked with blood in +quantity filling and covering the space between the cunt-hole, getting +off I seated myself by the side of the bed; Louise seemed to awaken to +consciousness, and with the instinct of a modest woman covered +herself by drawing down her chemise, carelessly, half-sleepily and +unconsciously; more as if from habit than of thought to hide her charms. +Then she drew herself to the edge of the bed, put one leg higher up than +the other, resting her elbow on it, her head upon her hand, she looked +at me wistfully without uttering a word. +

+

+A newly fucked woman rarely looks at the man, sometimes turns away, +rarely speaks, but avoids a man's eyes. Louise did not speak, but she +looked as if she was collecting her senses, looked so long and in +such manner, that it made me uncomfortable, until her fine legs, in an +attitude I had not yet seen them in recalled me to myself. "What lovely +legs," said I. She pulled the chemise down lower, but the chemise was +short, and she was sitting on it; she never took her dark eyes off me, +but with her head still leaning on her hand, said slowly, "You have +promised me never to go into the bed-room with my sister again!" +

+

+"Your sister!" What a revelation! the likeness to Camille. I wondered it +had not struck me more completely before, the hesitation of Camille to +let me get the girl, her wish that she had never fetched her, her half +intention to send her home, the oath she made me take not to disclose +my having seen Louise's cunt when she was insensible: all struck me at +once. +

+

+Louise jumped off the bed in a fright, "No, no, no," she said, "not +my sister, my mistress; did I say sister? I didn't mean it, it's my +mistress, don't say I said sister." +

+

+I was certain she had spoken the truth: the likeness, Camille's anger +when I suggested making Louise drunk, her desire to be out of the house +when her virginity was taken, and other things crowded on my mind. "Deny +it as you like, ma chere, but you are her sister, the very image of +her." +

+

+"Don't say so." I swore I would never tell. "She will murder me if she +knows. She is a demon, you don't know her,—mon Dieu! mon Dieu! what +shall I do? I must run away." +

+

+I calmed her, told her no one need know, I would never tell. She +believed me, seemed comforted, but still kept assuring me she had made a +mistake: she meant to say mistress. +

+

+This was a funny episode, a funny conversation between a woman carrying +her first male spunk in a bloody cunt, and a man with a cock still +dripping with cunt-juices on to his shirt, sitting by her side. +

+

+We talked by the side of the bed; then for a minute she put her head on +my shoulder and cried; it was over-excitement, nothing else, no regret. +

+

+Was I going? My reply was to put on my nightgown, say I meant to sleep +all night with her; I showed her my shirt, dabbed with bloody semen, and +gloried in it, told her her chemise was in the same state. She begged +me to leave her, and pushed me into the sitting-room, wiped her bloody +quim, and changed her things. She could not find Camille's night-gowns, +her own were dirty, so she put on one of Camille's beautiful chemises, +and over it the white robe. What a difference that entry of my prick +had made: twelve hours before, a refusal to let me put on a garter, a +struggle, a fight to do it; now my hand rested tranquilly on the smooth +thighs, whilst she listened to the pleasures I meant to have with her. +I drew her towards the bedroom, pulled off her boots and stockings, her +robe, then her chemise, and she got into bed naked, and I with her. It +was a hot night, cuddling was close work; lying by her side, my mouth to +hers, my belly to hers, my doodle pressed close into her thighs, my +hand on her bum, our legs touching their whole length, I was talking of +fucking, and she listening lewdly. What a difference! I guided her hand +to my prick; oh! my delight in that, and hers! how quietly it laid where +I placed it.—then under my balls, her hand was quite full of them, and +there it lay, then again round my pego. Again it was beginning to swell, +she lay with her long black hair floating on the pillow, her eyes closed +in baudy reverie. "You have got my prick in your hand, it has been in +your cunt and spent in it." She moved her head close to mine and kissed, +my cock stood stiff at once. +

+

+I closed to her, feeling every part of her body, excepting that which +I had just injured. That came in now for its share: thrusting one knee +between her legs I lifted hers so as to leave room for my hand between +them. She prayed me not, she was sore, ill, it hurt her. Hurt her? I +longed to hurt her, knew I was going to give her pain whilst I lied +saying that no pain more would she feel, and then with a little gentle +force, my finger slipping over her clitoris, I felt the cunt-hole +gently, went up it, she wincing and moving her bum in an inciting +manner, then up her orifice went my cock again, amidst murmurs and +prayers to leave her alone, a glorious fuck. +

+

+Then I dozed, dropping off on one side from her sweet firm body; but +excitement would not let me sleep, I kept awaking as fast as I fell +asleep, a burning heat pervaded my penis, my mind dwelt on the day's +work, her limbs were close to mine, cunt in reach of my fingers, smell +of her body in my nostrils. The lights were out, she was slumbering with +quiet regular breath. Up came my prick again, my fingers slid between +the cunt-lips, felt the signs of my last pleasure, she awakened. "Oh! +don't." She was ill, sore, very sore, I was unkind; but what woman can +refuse the cock which has just wetted her. Now was a prolonged fuck; +then overcome with fucking, worn with excitement, I fell sound asleep. +

+

+When I awakened the sun-light struggling through the red curtains cast +a pink tint over every thing. We had slept eight hours, were laying rump +to rump, naked and touching, for after much fucking, the fondest lovers +turn their arses to each other. What a sight she was as she lay on one +side, as sound asleep as a top, there had been but a sheet over us, that +was off, and she was naked. She had a pretty foot, the leg was perfect, +thighs and bum thinner than Camille's back-side, and thighs taken on +fullness at later age, or after one or two years good fucking which +serves quite as well; her breasts were superb, firmer and handsomer than +Camille's. On one side I saw the black crisp hair which shaded her seat +of pleasure; on the other I could, by putting my head on the bed, just +see the dark hair creeping between her bum-cheeks, her flesh had the +slightly brown tint common to French women; on the bed lay rounds of +spunk mixed with blood, a smear of it was on her thigh on the bum-side. +My prick rose again to stiffness at the sight, I wanted to piss +violently, but could scarcely accomplish it. I looked at my shirt tail. +Spunk and blood were thick on it, I found under the bed her chemise; on +it profusely were the bloody seminal marks of her virginity. I felt a +pain in my prick, and found the foreskin a little raw. I had paid for +hurting her by hurting myself; but what did that matter; I was the first +that had been up that cunt, had torn it open, my spunk was in her then, +the bloody indications were all around me. I awakened her. +

+

+She looked at me, then conscious that she was naked, clawed up the +sheet; in a minute I was close to her. She went across to her own room +to piddle, then into bed again she got, and in spite of her I put it +into her. I felt the cunt tightening, looked at her: her manner was +different, I felt her clasping me, she was doing it involuntarily, +her breath came quickly, she was spending as my spunk came, her first +pleasure with me; all before had been pain,—I knew that. +

+

+Then was more fucking, then she made coffee, we had eggs, bread and +butter, again to bed, and more fucking. We went without luncheon, +spending the entire day in bed, feeling, kissing, cuddling, fucking, +and sleeping. We were both worn out, and perhaps might not have got up, +excepting that I had to dress, to go downstairs, and then felt hungry, +so we both dressed, went to the same place as the day previously, had +a jolly good dinner as fast as we could and directly it was over went +back. I kept my finger on her cunt when in the cab, both going and +coming; the instant we returned we went to bed (it had not been made), +and fucked, and fucked, and fucked, and then slept a dozen hours without +awaking. A lovely time it was. +

+

+Next day I was used up, I never could accomplish the wonderful fucking +bouts I have heard men brag about, but dare say in those thirty hours +I had fucked her twelve times. She was very tired with it, and was so +sore; I was also sore, my prick had slightly bled, the foreskin +was torn, and through that fucking bout my prepuce was easier ever +afterwards, I could pull it down better than I could before I had torn +open her virginity. +

+

+The difference between the ways of a woman and man towards each other +after they have fucked is wonderful. On a previous night a woman may +have refused his kisses, and his embraces, and revolted at his hands +touching her quim. He although longing for her, eager to join his body +to hers, may have been timid, cautious in his language, hesitating in +action, and until passion got full sway, might as soon of thought of +putting out his doodle, and attempting to force it up her, as of +trying it on his aunt. But what a change a night has made: they sit +at breakfast he with satisfaction on his face as he looks at her and +thinks, that her most secret parts have not been strangers to him, has +felt between her thighs, the lips hitherto untouched by man, has been up +her cunt, and spent inside it the essence of his blood. "She has given +me pleasure, I have given her pleasure." She looks at him wondering how +she came to allow it, how she forgot her resolves, there need be no more +disguise, nor hindrance in the way of their pleasures, of the pleasures +she first tasted with him; all that she has been taught to hold most +sacred from man he has seen, felt, kissed, pierced, violated, and wetted +in. The virginity she prided herself on he has destroyed, she no longer +shuns him, but is ready to comply with all his wishes, hopes he will +compel her soon to yield again. This is the work of a few hours, and as +she sits drinking her coffee opposite to him she thinks with him, what a +change has taken place. +

+

+That was my state of mind with Louise. I had had virgins before without +pride in having them, they came in my way, but never had I sought them. +Two certainly had never been breached before, but it gave me no pride +nor special gratification. This woman I had thought and thought about +for months, coveted and paid for the sole pleasure of piercing her +hymen. I had now the delight of experience, of leaving my sperm where +man had never left it before. This girl of sufficient age, growth and +form, I had bored with difficulty and pain, to her and myself, she +had bled, I had bled, I had torn up her cuntal diaphram, had given her +sexual pleasure, had revelled in her body. Shirt, and chemise, spunk +and blood slobbered lay there. I was rested, she was fresh, and I sat +at breakfast with as much complacency and jollity as a man could; yet +beyond fucking, I felt that I did not care one damn about her, and even +felt sorry. I cannot explain why I felt that, but recollect it. +

+

+We had seven days before Camille would return, in those days I more than +fulfilled my word to the girl, bought dresses, a ring, brooch, umbrella, +parasol, in fact I don't know what I did not give, and must have paid +fifty pounds; we dined out, went to theatres, ate, drank, and fucked +like blazes. +

+

+French women when they have given themselves up to a man, do so with all +their heart and soul. One day as luncheon began to operate on her, she +nothing loth, she strong, healthy, and with passions roused, feeding +daily in a way she had been unaccustomed to, yielded freely to my +wishes. I placed her on the bed-side, threw up her chemise, kissed the +dark crisp hair of her motte; her thighs separated, her limbs went up, +and I saw the adorable vermillion gap, the ragged tear my penis had +made. It was a small cunt for so fine a woman. What enticed, and incited +me I don't know, I never shall know why dozens of women I have had I +never have done it to, but I was taken with the feeling now. I looked, +fingered, titillated, kissed it, out went my tongue; it played lightly +over the clitoris, then baudy frenzy seized me, and I licked and sucked +her cunt. She wriggled, scarce knowing what I was about, when pushing my +head away she cried out, "oh! mon Dieu, ah! quelle bete! aho!" +

+

+I had never done it willingly but to Martha, now the letch seized me +furiously, every day afterwards I had my mouth to her, and when I was so +fucked out, that I could come no more, would lay and lick her till she +was worn out too with spending. +

+

+We had indeed no other amusement than fucking, talking about it, eating, +drinking, and sleeping, which was to us all the charm of a honey-moon. +I think I see her now, making my cock stiff under my direction, her +amusement at pulling the prepuce up and down was great, I almost feel +her bum now as she used to sit on my knee, looking at the pictures in +the baudy book; we used to talk it over until we went to bed, and +eased our passions, what fun when we did not mind washing each other's +privates, as we did. +

+

+We used to lay on the bed with my head between her thighs, licking her +quim, she playing with my prick, but I never put my pego into her mouth, +nor did she ever do more than kiss it. +

+

+On the day but one before Camille returned, we went to bed, had a fuck, +then a second, her cunt felt funny, and I found her courses had come on, +or as she called them, her periods. There was an end of my fun, nor was +I sorry. Not having left her day or night, nor been to my lodgings, nor +to my mother's, I was fucked out, and so was she,—so that her reds came +on most opportunely. +

+

+Next day we were duller, there was nothing in her to make her a +companion when not in amorous amusements. She became tiresome, and +annoyed me by putting on her things one after the other, all day long, +and asking me, how she looked in them, if she did not look better than +Madame. Then how to tell her mistress she had got the things? what to +do, if her mistress refused to let her wear them? how was I to see her +again? At length we resolved to tell rousing lies about everything,—my +behaviour was in fact most absurd. +

+

+The following day, a letter came to say Camille would be home that +night. I took away my trunk and clothes, went to my virtuous lodgings; +it was a relief to be away from cunt for twenty-four hours, and I could +not bear a woman with her courses on. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER III. +

+
+     Camille at home.—Her little game.—My greenness.—The
+     house in O.. d. n street.—The glove shop.—Louise fatigues
+     me.—Fred on the scent.—A cigar shop.—Three into one.—A
+     clap.—Serious reflexions.—The sisters disappear.
+
+

+A day or two recruited me, I wrote to Camille who met me in the street, +she had sent the girl to the theatre with a friend, so I went indoors +with her. "Have you done it to her?" was the first question, as if she +did not know, I told her all. She questioned me with strong interest. I +gave her the fifty pounds. Then she asked me if Louise had told me where +she came from, and other questions, which I saw were put to see, if +Louise had told about their relationship. As we talked I looked at her, +comparing her with Louise, and saw the likeness stronger than ever. "Why +stare so?" she asked. When she had heard of all our bum frolics she gave +a sigh and said, "Well, if I had not brought her to London, she would +have gone to Paris with A——— (mentioning some French name), and have +had it done to her there,—so it comes to the same thing." +

+

+Then suddenly, "Are you never going to have me again?" "No," I had +promised Louise. She looked amorously fascinating. "She won't know it, I +have never had it since I left." She was half reclining on the sofa, by +intention or chance her legs raised up on the sofa, one flat, the other +foot on its heel, exposing the recumbent limbs from foot to knee. "Do +now," said she. "No," but I moved from the chair to the end of the sofa, +and began stroking her leg with my hand. +

+

+She lifted the clothes just above the knee. I saw the large thigh +nearly up to her quim, my hand involuntarily slipped higher, and began +smoothing the flesh just above the garter. "Do it now," said she falling +right on to her back. +

+

+I thought of Louise, of my promise; I knew the look of both their +cunts,—of Camille's the best,—desired to see, to compare it. I had +been feeling Louise's cunt eight days, now thought I should like to feel +Camille's to feel the difference, I knew her cunt was looser, and more +hairy, her bum and thighs bigger, yet was I right in my comparison? my +cock got uneasy, I helped it to rise in my trowsers by giving it a push +outside. +

+

+"I won't have her," I thought, "but there is no harm in feeling," and +began playing with the hair of her motte. "Your hair is longer than +Louise's." She laughed, "Do it, baisez-moi," said she. +

+

+My fingers touched the slippery cunt, it was irresistible, the next +instant they were groping and feeling. "Your bum is bigger than +Louise's," I said. She laughed again. +

+

+Sitting where I was, and playing at stink-finger, my position was +inconvenient. "Come up closer," said she. Then I sat by her hips, on +the sofa-edge, she lifted her clothes right up: there was the quim, the +jet-black bush, the fine round thighs, my cock was restive, my hands +wandering, she unbuttoned my trowsers, gave my prick a squeeze, sending +up the blood and completed my randiness. +

+

+"Louise won't know, you shall kiss me," and she raised herself to throw +her arm over my shoulder. Like a young virgin who says, "no, no," whilst +she yields, I kept repeating "no, no". The thighs had opened, I was +pulling open the lips and trying to see the red inside; and still saying +"no," slid on to her, on to it, up it, and spent before I well knew what +I was about. "Oh! you are so quick," said she, "you have spoiled me, I +was just coming." +

+

+She did not mean to be spoiled, trying her most baudy endearments, she +held me tight, caressed me, as a French woman knows how,—better than +any other. Forgetting Louise, my mind fell into its baudy dreams, I +fucked her again, and then she let me get up. +

+

+And then to business. "What are you going to do for the girl?" she +asked. "Nothing, I have given her money and things worth about a hundred +pounds, and have paid you, when I have her again I shall give her +money." "You promised to do something more, if not what will become +of her?" I did then recollect, that she had made me promise, but had +attached no definite ideas to it. +

+

+"I relied on you, or would never have brought her; are you going to keep +her, or let her be gay like me?" +

+

+I did not like either; to keep her I had no intention, did not even like +the girl, though I liked plugging her. Said Camille, "We have had a row +already, she won't work, and says she will wear the clothes she has got, +although I have only seen a few of them." "What do you expect?" I +asked. "Set her up in business, selling gloves or perfumes, a small shop +somewhere." +

+

+Not liking the aspect of affairs, I left, it was the first time such +propositions had been made to me. I felt inclined never to go near the +house again, but had promised Louise to be with her soon, and always +kept my word, so thought over the matter. +

+

+Keeping her was out of the question, I had heard that men who kept +women, did so for other men; besides I had no idea of tieing myself up +that way. I was not pleased with her: a fine girl, a fine fuck, a fresh +woman who shivered with delight the instant the prick entered her, who +was randy-arsed enough to learn anything in the way of copulation; she +had been delightful to me eight days, and might for more; but she was +coarse, vulgar, and had not two ideas in her head, was evidently violent +tempered, and excessively vain. Set her up in business! why she had cost +me hundreds to get her, why should I? +

+

+I could not make up my mind, and resolved never to go near her again; +but two days afterwards, that funny sense of fullness came over my +cock-knob, then the tingling, then the desire for cunt, then for +Louise's cunt, the ragged slit made by my cock was before my eyes, and +instead of quenching my wants in the channel of some other woman, I went +there. Camille was just outside the door, and we conversed together in +G.. d.n Sq.... +

+

+She suggested my seeing Louise alone, and paying her (Camille) as I had +done before. I did not mean to submit to that restraint, nor to keep +her, but let her go her own way. "What does it matter, she must know you +will find it all out, so why not at once?" I said. +

+

+"If she knows that I know it, I must turn her out" ("I don't think +you would turn your sister out," I thought), "then I must put her into +lodgings, and she will be gay." "I can't help that." We came to no +conclusion, I left her, went to the door, rang, and Louise opened it. +She kissed and hugged me in the passage, a minute afterwards she was +on my knee grasping my prick, my fingers were on her cunt, our lips +together; in another with tongues lapping together I was up her; in two +or three minutes more we were quiet. +

+

+(I should so like to experience the feeling a woman has as she sits and +talks with her cunt full of sperm, does it feel so very pleasant sitting +so?) She poured out her griefs, Camille had asked questions, who had +been there? how did she get the bonnet, the new boots? she had refused +to tell anything, Camille had said she had better go. "Why not tell +Camille?" I said, "if she did not like it she might lump it, as far as I +was concerned;" but the girl was evidently afraid,—or was it sham? +

+

+Next day I wrote to Louise who met me, and I took her to a house into +which I had never been before. For three weeks I met her on writing +to her, and we spent hours together. She now had frequent rows with +Camille, each time she came to meet me she put on more of her new +things; at first she only came with a dress, then with the bonnet and +something else, and at last with all the finery; she looked a handsome +swell, but a vulgar one. I ceased paying Camille. +

+

+One night she said Madame had had no one visit her for a long time, nor +was she much out but often was all night, where she went she did not +know; there was one man who came, a gentleman, she thought he was a +lover of Camille's. +

+

+We came out of the house in ———— street one night after a surfeit of +voluptuous pleasures, when a woman stepped across the road, and lifted +up her veil. "Oh! my God, it's Madame," said Louise, and she got right +at the back of me where I stood. "So," said Camille, "I have found you +out, you have been in a baudy house with my old friend." She burst into +a laugh, turned, and went away without saying another word. +

+

+I don't know what actuated me in my course of conduct, at that time I +knew well what I did, but my reasons are not so clear, I cared nothing +whether Louise knew that her mistress or sister knew I had had her, yet +I did not go to the house, firstly because Camille wished me not, unless +she was out, and it did not suit me to be waiting for a girl who was +burning to let me have her, and also because Louise was in a funk when +I was with her in the house, and Camille was out. I was convinced they +were sisters, and had a glimmering, that Camille would not like Louise +to know she had been got for me by her; yet I thought that it must be +found out. +

+

+As Camille walked away Louise began to cry, I could not get a word from +her; we walked up and down A... street, she was frightened to go home, +we went back to the baudy house, and there we slept. The next day we +stopped there, and I went home with her,—Camille was within. +

+

+"So you have been to a baudy house?" said she, "so you have been fucked, +fucked by my friend; you are a nice one to speak ill of other people." +"I am not a whore," said Louise taking cheek. "Ain't you?" said Camille, +"I don't know that." "Say I am a whore, and I'll hit you," said Louise +going up to her. "Have it out by yourselves, I am not going to stop for +a row," said I, "Camille be good to the girl." "If I had not brought her +from France she would not be what she is." What was I going to do with +her? "Nothing." "Then the sooner Louise went out the better." +

+

+Louise sat down, and began silently crying. I hate to see a woman cry, +and always had one remedy,—could champagne be fetched? Mother Boileau +condescended to fetch some. We drank, I got communicative, and began to +tell Camille. She cut me short, wanted to know nothing, we had been in +a baudy house together, it was enough. What was I going to do? the girl +would no longer work, and she was going into other lodgings, I might +take hers for Louise if I liked. +

+

+It gradually shaped itself to this: I was to take the lodgings, Camille +to stay rent free, a servant to be got, but one particular friend only +was ever to visit Camille there; Louise took Camille's bed-room, Camille +Louise's, I had in fact the pleasure of keeping both. The next night I +slept with Louise in Camille's bed, slept there several times, and +one morning Camille said, "You have got the girl with child, I quite +expected it." +

+

+This annoyed me. I had been getting tired for some time, did not like +the girl, who became so jealous of Camille, wanted so much admiration, +that she quite fatigued me. She wanted to walk in the streets to be +admired. I had given her more clothes, she got careless, wanted to go +to theatres, and I took her. The Argyle was just opened, and I took +her there, she wanted me to go there often. I had seen one or two other +women I lusted for, but above all wanted to go to France with Fred who +had returned from India; so her being in the family way bothered me. I +got it into my head, that it was a plant, and took her to my friend the +doctor who said it was a fact. +

+

+Camille asked me to meet her in G.. d. n Sq.. e, for convenience I took +her to the baudy house; she had got mighty particular, made me go in +first, and came in afterwards with her veil down,—she always now wore +a veil. She again asked me what I was going to do. She had got the girl, +and was sorry for it, at length she said, "I am going to be married, go +into business, and will take her with me, if you will help, or I will +get her home again to France, if you will give her money." I agreed to +think of it. +

+

+We sat on a sofa. As I looked at her I began to feel a desire for her. +"Let us have a kiss," said I, "for old acquaintance sake." "No," said +she, "I am going to be married, am perhaps watched, am frightened of +being here. I expect my friend back from abroad daily, he may have come +back now. Madame Boileau knows him, I must be careful." +

+

+But how can a woman resist a man who has had her often, who knows every +crack and cranny of her body, has looked at her motte long enough to +count every hair on it, a few rubs on her clitoris, and back she fell +on the sofa. We were both dressed, but plunging up her, and grasping +her ample rump, I was soon enjoying her; when thinking of Louise, and +I suppose comparing her mentally, I said in the height of my pleasure, +"Oh! I like fucking you better than your sister after all," or something +to that effect. +

+

+"What?" said she with a start as her cunt clipped, and jerked my prick +out. Cursing, and damning at my interruption I drove it up again, and +consummated. +

+

+"What did you say about being like my sister?" said she as I still +lay with my doodle up her, "what sister?" I replied she looked so like +Louise, that she must be her sister. "But she is not, although she is +like me." Then the matter dropped, and she slopped her cunt clean. I +used to like a woman whom I knew not to wash it, when I was going to +fuck her again, Camille had humored me in this, and as my lust came on +for my second poke, used to bring my amatory pastime by looking at the +cunt with my pleasure signs on it. So Camille washing astonished me. "I +am going to be married, and must," said she. +

+

+We had more fucking before we left. She was all anxiety about Louise, +for I would say nothing. "You will never see me here again," said she, +"nor have me again, and may do with Louise what you like, I shan't be +here, you will throw her on the town". Then she veiled closely, and made +me go out first. I waited at the top of the street ten minutes, out she +came, veil down, and shot off in the direction of G..d.n sq..e like an +arrow. +

+

+I now with perversity longed for Camille, instead of Louise, but never +had her afterwards, never sent my tallow up her, although I tried once +or twice. +

+

+I began going about elsewhere, sleeping with Louise at times; but she +was always pestering me about being in the family way, which annoyed +me; and wanted such a lot of ballocking, that that annoyed me also. My +cousin Fred wanted me to go to Paris with him, Louise said I was going +to forsake her. One night after dining with her, coming out we met my +cousin Fred, nothing put him off, and he would walk with us. The next +day he said in his old unchaste way, which some years in India had not +improved, "So that is the woman your mother says she fears has got hold +of you." It was the first time I had heard, that my mother had any such +suspicion, for although she had spoken to me about my wildness, she had +never referred to a woman; but she had told my aunt, who told my cousin +my mother was awfully astonished. For that six years I had shagged all +our servants under her very nose, yet she had not the faintest suspicion +of it, my pranks now coming to her ears, shocked her extremely. I told +Fred, that I had had Louise's first, to which he replied, that he should +like to rattle his stones against her arse. "Is she a good fuck? where +does she live?" I did not mean his stones to knock against her arse as +long as mine did, I replied, "Oh! you are fond of her then?" "No, but +I preferred her to myself." "Lord, what does it matter?" said he, "white +women are scarce in India, there was one that all in my regiment were +fond of, there was not an officer who did not stroke her, none of us +minded; we say 'the more a cunt's buttered, the better it grinds.'" I did +not see it in that light, so with the remark from him, that she was a +damned fine piece, we parted. +

+

+Two or three days afterwards he spoke of her again, said he knew where +she lived, so I thought he was hunting after her which annoyed me; not +seeing that if he had got into her, I could have left her with good +excuse. +

+

+I had tried to learn from Louise if she knew where Camille went all +day, but could learn nothing, one night in bed with her however, whilst +handling each other's privates, and under the sympathy generated by the +rub of my fingers on her clitoris; she on my solemn promise of secrecy, +told me that an old friend of Camille's had opened a glove and lace shop +in O. f..d street. I saw a small shop, there was a Frenchman in it whose +face I seemed to know. I waited near it one night, and saw Camille leave +the shop closely veiled, and take the best way towards G..d.n sq..e. +Madame Boileau was like an oyster I could get nothing out of her, +although she took my money. I was sure that Camille went to the shop +daily, or nearly so, and as no man came to the house, suppose she got +her cunt plugged in the shop parlour. +

+

+Afterwards Fred talked so much about Louise, that I said I kept her. +"There are two there, do you keep both?" "Yes." "Then you are a fool, +you can't be sure of one woman's cunt if you are not with her always, +but two together are sure to make a couple of whores,—no wonder your +tin goes so fast." +

+

+Meanwhile I went out with him of a night, and we had different women. +One night three of us went to a cigar-shop kept by two women just by +——— it was not an unusual thing then for two to have a cigar-shop, +with a big sofa in a back parlour, one keeping shop whilst the other +fucked. From talking we got to business without intending it. Fred began +joking the girls, we went into the back parlour, and had wine, one +asked my cousin if he did not want to lie down and rest himself. He said +"yes," but wanted warmth to his belly when he rested. "You may have my +belly to warm you," said she. "What here?" "Oh! they can wait," said the +girl, "and your quiet friend can find his tongue with my sister" (the +other girl). I had not spoken, being at times timid at first with a +woman, and especially a gay one. +

+

+We said jokingly, that we had no money. "I will take you all for a +sovereign," said she, "and the one who I say is the best poke shall give +me another half-sovereign." It was agreed, we tossed up for the order of +the fucking, two went outside while the other had his pleasure. My turn +came last, the excitement in thinking of what was going on made me in +such a state, that I was no sooner up her than I spent; when I went +out the other girl said. "You have been in a hurry." My cousin was +pronounced the best fucker. Whilst the strumming was going on in the +parlour, people bought cigars, and tobacco—for it was really sold +there,—little did they guess the fun going on behind that rod curtain +of the shop-parlour. +

+

+A night or so after I slept with Louise, I felt uneasy in the tip of my +prick, and saw unmistakably that it was the clap. It was not Louise's +gift, for great was her surprise when I saw her twice afterwards, and +never attempted to have her. She was annoyed, and said she supposed I +had another friend, and put herself in such luscious attitudes, that +I got a cock-stand, and could scarcely resist putting it up her, but +saying I was ill went away. Fred said he should go to Paris without me, +I was to join him in a fortnight. What with being indifferent to Louise, +annoyed with her randiness, her vulgarity, and temper, being in fact +tired of her and the expense, and now having the clap, I determined to +break off; so wrote to Camille to meet me. +

+

+I told her I had the clap. "I thought there was something wrong," said +she, "but Louise I can swear has never had any other man than you, take +her to any doctor you like." Then she told me, that in three weeks she +meant to leave England, and Louise must do the best she could, she had +taken means to bring on the girl's courses, would I send her back to +France, or must she go gay in London. +

+

+I could not bear the idea of the girl being gay, so agreed to give her +money to take her abroad with her, and she accepted. By her advice I +wrote to Louise, said I had the clap, and feared I had given it to her, +that she would not forgive me I was sure, and so never meant to see her +again. +

+

+I sent a cheque to Louise, it passed through my bankers, and suppose the +girl had it. Then went to Paris, my illness kept to me, so returned to +London, got a little better, longed for Louise, stood opposite the house +one night, nearly crossed over to have her, but resisted, and seeing a +nice woman in Regent street went home with her. I was so impatient, that +I pushed her to the side of the bed directly I was in the room, felt +for her cunt, and spent in her in a minute, she had not taken her bonnet +off. My spending hurt me, my doctor had told me I could go with a woman +without fear of injuring her, but that for my own sake I had better +abstain. She got up, and took off her bonnet, to see if lying down had +hurt it. "I'll have you again," said I. "Let me wash, you've spent such +a lot, it's all running down my thighs." Again I fucked her; and next +morning my ailment came back. My doctor said it served me right. +

+

+Shortly after "lodgings to let" was posted up in Camille's windows, on +calling, Madame Boileau came to the door. The two women had left, +the shop in Oxford street was shut up, and I never heard of the women +afterwards. +

+

+I am astonished now, that I was wheedled out of so much money for a +French virgin. How I could have done much that I did makes me now laugh, +I must have been very green, and Camille very cunning; but I was also +rich, and generous, which accounts for much. I see now how largely I was +humbugged, but cannot explain or reason about it. I am telling facts as +they occurred, as far as I recollect them, it is all I can do. Certainly +I had a splendid full-grown virgin for my money, the toughest virginity +I yet have taken, a regular cock-bender, and had an uninterrupted +honey-moon. Camille was a most superior harlot, genteel, clever, and +voluptuous, such as are not usually found; with her and her findings I +had a year's enjoyment, leaving me lav, blaze, and a half-cured clap. +What with women, horses, carriages, cards, dinners, and other items, I +was a few thousands poorer than at the beginning of my acquaintance with +Camille. +

+

+It's my fate to have sisters,—how curious I—and thrice to have had the +clap, and yet not three-and-twenty,—how hard! +

+

+I was very much used up, and needed rest for body and mind; never had +I been so much so before. Up to the time of getting my fortune want +of money curbed my lascivious tastes, and although I had servant after +servant in my mother's house, the difficulties of getting them, gave +me frequent rests, and prevented me generally from exhausting myself; +perhaps I got just enough fucking to keep me in health. The year's +rioting with Camille and her troupe, would have tried a strong man; +I never counted them, but think, that in that year I must have poked +something like sixty, or seventy different women, I poked everyone of +Ca-mille's acquaintances, I am sure,—so it was time I had a rest. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER IV. +

+
+     Enforced chastity.—A stricture.—Health restored.—Mrs.
+     Pender.—A peep from a hay-stack.—In a cow-house.—Stable
+     and barn.—Mother's satisfaction.
+
+

+My clap brought on a stricture, obliging me to have a bougie passed +every other day to stretch the pipe often, and causing me to piss clots +of gruelly blood, about an hour afterwards. I dared not fuck, but once +frigged, and it brought on the inflammatory stage again. At length I +got better, but with a gleet which wetted the tail of my shirt through +daily; doctors advised me to get a change of air, I went to my aunt's +place in H..tf..dshire where I took cold baths, and did all I could to +get myself well,—I was forbidden to touch a woman until permitted by +the doctor. +

+

+Touch women I did not, think of them I did eternally, and deplored the +time that I was wasting. I used to look at my female cousins, and long +for them; my aunt whose flabby, brown-haired, thick-lipped furrow I +glanced at in my boyhood I used to think about and should not have +hesitated in getting a pleasure up it, had no other cunt been ready for +me. I eyed the farm-women (coarse, strong, healthy bitches) with lust +that made them look beauties in my longing eyes, I was boiling over +with spunk, at the closet one day my turds were hard, and hurt me; the +irritation affected my ballocks, my prick stiffened rigidly, I could +not piss for it, the tip looked dry, as if gleet had ceased, I merely +touched the top (not frigged), and out shot my sperm as I sat on the +privy seat. What a relief! but what a loss of pleasure not to have +injected into some dear little cunt nicked in some smooth white bum! My +prick seemed quite well, and I wanted to go into the fields to get hold +of some girl doing field-work, or any woman, old or young, who had a +cunt available; so I went to town to see my medical man about it. He +pointed out to me how needful it was to restrain myself, I followed his +advice, in two weeks was much better, and had determined to go to town +to see him again about it, when I got well without him. +

+

+Some years before I had seen a farm-girl whose name was Pender, a fine +lass with a merry face, and lightish brown hair; she must then I suppose +have been about seventeen years old. From ogling and laughing, I got to +kissing, with that she was pleased enough, and often I think put herself +in my way to get it; a pinch on the bum she did not resent. Thinking all +safe, I one day poked her near to her notch, and she only saying, "Adun +now sir, do," my hand went up her petticoats, I struggled with her, and +we both fell on the grass near a barn, when my fingers touched her cunt. +She set up a yell, my fingers were stained with her monthlies (not the +only time that has occured in my life), she sat for a minute crying, +then walked away, leaving me in fear lest she should tell my aunt. +She never did, but avoided me, and would not look me in the face. When +older, I only thought of her when there, or when my memory ran back on +the quims I had touched in my then short career. +

+

+Having now nothing to do, but to read, and idle about, I was wandering +in the farm, fields, stable, cow-houses, everywhere, and soon knew all +the faces on the estate. Among them was Pender, still so named, she +having then been married about a year to a man bearing her own maiden +name, and was then about twenty-three years old; a tall, strapping +woman, with a bum as big as a washing-tub; brown she was from working in +the sun, but fucking regularly as I supposed had cleared her complexion, +she was a good, comely country-woman. Our eyes met, both at the instant +thought of the day when I got my fingers red up her petticoats; she +curtsied, and blushed, I laughed with a baudy look I expect, and said, +"Well you still here." +

+

+I spoke to her again on other days, her husband worked on the farm, and +she was dairy-woman. Whenever I saw her my prick stood, and I avoided +her, for fear of an erection increasing my gleet. +

+

+There was hay-making,—lolling about with a book I went to look on, it +was at one or two fields off from a large rick-yard which was near +to the farm buildings. There was a half-made hay-stack with a ladder +against it, up which without any object I went idly, and laying down +went on reading. It became cloudy, the headman calling out said, "We'll +have rain, cut off all on yer, and get the hay up into cocks, yes +you,—you,—yes you too" (I did not know who he was talking to.) Men and +women crossed the rick-yard, and went off in the distance, Pender was +one, and was well ahead, when he called out, "You had better get the +dairy-work done though." She turned, and coming slowly back stood still +a moment, then comfortably squatted, and pissed. +

+

+I laying half buried in the hay was not visible to her, but seeing her +piddling, raised myself, and looked. +

+

+As she finished she gave her clothes that usual hitch against her cunt, +looked up, and saw me, turned round quickly, went away from the yard, +and then as if she had forgotten, turned round with her head hanging +down, and came through the rick-yard. I slipped from the stack, and met +her at the foot of it,—we were surrounded with stacks. +

+

+Her face was red. "A comfortable piddle you had," said I stopping her. +"Adun sir," said she. "A kiss, for old acquaintance," snatching one. "I +am married," said she. "Don't care, so much the merrier, it's not so +wet as it was, when I felt it some years ago?" "Oh I lawk don't, I'm +married." +

+

+We had moved a little, were by the hay-stack then making, a heap of hay +had fallen as they had lifted it from cart to the stack. I closed with +her, kissing and hugging, gave her a push, and we both tumbled into +a sitting position together on the heap, she half laughing, half +resisting; then kissing her, suggesting pleasure, pulling out my prick, +seeing a thick pair of legs in dark stockings, big thighs, a belly, some +brown hair at the bottom of it, I felt cool flesh, a wet warm split, and +was on her, up her, and spent in her. +

+

+I came to myself with a tingling aching sensation inside my prick, the +stiffness, and spending had hurt the urethra which had been split by the +bougie. I had a notion that blood must be coming, and still stiff pulled +it out of her; the little lingering sperm on the tip looked all right, +she had not spent, for I don't think I could have shoved more than once +before I had emitted my semen. I threw myself on her to put into her +again, but she baulked me. "Oh! now for God's sake if my husband caught +us there would be murder," but I was burning with want, it was more than +two months since I had clutched a woman's backside, and spent up a cunt. +Furiously I pulled her back, rolled over her, and fingered her; she rose +spite of me, and went off. "Pray don't come with me, we may be seen, I +wouldn't for the world we were seen coming out the rick-yard together." +

+

+A minute's reflection made me wiser. I got upon the hay-rick again, saw +men and women in the hay-field a long distance off, I called out +names of one or two I knew,—no one answered, went into the farm-yard, +hollowed there, no one answered, thence went into the cow-house,—there +was she milking. +

+

+I stood by the cows, pulled my prick out, begged her to let me do it +again, talked all the baudiness I could, reminded her of when first I +wetted my fingers in her red-stained cunt, lifted up the cow's tail, +swore if she did not let me I would put my prick up the cow. It was +funny to see a woman whose cunt was full of sperm pulling vigorously +at a cow's teats, whilst a man with his prick exposed was holding up +a cow's tail showing its cacked arse, and not too clean cunt. What +absurdity will not a lewd man do? +

+

+"I must get this done, I am frightened, we shall be seen, we shall be +caught," said she. I dropped on my knees, and as she went on milking, +put my fingers up her petticoats, the slit was wet with my leavings. I +pulled her face towards me to kiss, whilst she kept tugging at the cow's +teats. +

+

+When the cow was dry she took the pail across the yard to the dairy, +emptied it, and came back, looking in all directions, called out some +name, but all were at the hay-making, heavy drops of rain were falling. +

+

+"Come to the stable," said I, and laying hold of her pulled her in that +direction. +

+

+I partly coaxed, partly pulled her, she looked uneasily round the +farm-yard, and we entered the cowshed. At one end of it was a cart-horse +stable, close to that a large barn. With arm round her I led her towards +the barn, there was straw and hay there; but in the stable in the first +empty stall was a heap of fresh straw. I pushed her down on to it, the +next instant I was fucking her, and what a fuck! I shall recollect it to +the last day of my life, it was delicious. It was two months since I had +had a woman; here was a stout, fat-arsed, hard-fleshed, healthy country +woman; rough, dirty with work, but whose thighs were white, and whose +cunt was a clipper, who was randy, had every capability of giving a +man delight. No highly fed woman clad in silks and satins, could have +ministered to me as she did, as replying to my thrusts her cunt sucked +my prick up her, and we spent together. +

+

+I raised myself up without uncunting; the straw rustling and crushing +under us, too excited to lay still, after I had spent. She lay in quiet +enjoyment, till putting down one hand to feel round our bellies, I +roused her, then she wriggled, and out slipped my cock. "I must get up, +for God's sake let me." +

+

+We got up. I don't suppose that more than twenty minutes had passed +between my first, and my second poke, still my prick remained stiff. She +went quickly to the cow-shed, put down the milking-stool, sat down and +began again tugging at a cow's teats, I again standing by her side with +my privates hanging outside my trowsers. +

+

+I wanted to see her limbs, to feel her breasts. The idea of her cunt +squeezing out its moisture on to her chemise as she sat on the stool, +the desire to see every part of her, that irresistible want to see all, +feel all, and satisfy every sense which springs up in the mind of a +man when a woman has satisfied his voluptuousness for the first time +overcame me. She tugged at the teats. "Oh! go, pray do,—I won't,—you +shant,—ye've done me over.—oh! if you are seen here what will be +said?—don't now get a poor woman into trouble, the milking must be +done, if it's not what shall I say?" and tug, tug, went both hands +milking. +

+

+Said I, No one would come back until they had raked up the hay out of +harm from the rain. She knew better. "Yes they will if they are kept +late, some one will go to the Hall for beer, and they come back through +the rick-yard for cans; go away for God's sake." I went back to the +rick-yard, and saw a man coming as she had said, did not know which way +to make off, but the hay-stacks helped me, and I dodged up to the Hall; +it was about three minutes only from the farm-yard, and led to it by a +lovely shady walk. +

+

+Female servants only were in the house, even my aunt and cousins had +gone to the hay-meadow; soon a man emerged from the Hall with two huge +cans in his hands: it was Pender's husband. He went off with them filled +I suppose. I walked across the lawn and pleasure-gardens which the +fields surrounded, saw him in the distance, then made my way to +the cow-house again. "He's gone." "I have been so frightened," said +she,—but did not say it was her husband. She was still at the cows +teats. +

+

+I would not be repulsed, nearly upset a pail of milk, and swore I would +have her again. She refused, prayed me, then promised she would, if I +would let her take the milk into the dairy. Permitting it, she stayed +a few minutes, then out she came, looked all round, again called out a +name before entering the stable. The next minute we were on the straw, +my hand between her thighs. "You have washed your cunt," said I. "I did +it in the dairy," said she. +

+

+I had a grope, tickled her clitoris, got my mouth on to her belly, my +lips outside her cunt, we fucked, and again she went to her cow's teats. +All this was in broad day-light, although evening was coming on. +

+

+She finished milking. "I ought to go to the hay," said she; but I would +not let her, held her back, and swore if she went I would follow her. +"What have I done?" said she, "I must be mad." Then she took as was her +custom, milk up to the Hall, I awaited her return, looking at my cock +from which to my delight, all signs of gleet had gone. +

+

+For some time I had had mostly gay women, this was a return to old +times. It was pleasant to have a fuck on the sly, with a woman who +showed real pleasure, who shivered with delight, and grasped me like a +vice. Besides there was the stinging element of adultery. I laughed +to myself at the idea of her husband's prick going up where I had been +three times; my prick began to stiffen, and then droop, then rise again. +I felt sure that, at the feel of her quim I should be all right. "If I +can once get it up her, once feel her cunt-lips closing round it, get a +good clip round her buttocks, I am sure I can fuck her again before they +come back from the hay-field," thought I gently frigging my cock, and +looking through a crack in the door. +

+

+She came back. I went at her in the cow-house; the only immediate fear +now was that a servant might come from the Hall. To make the story +short, I got her into the barn, where the light was less; and she let me +do more as I liked. I had a look at a thick brown-haired motte, a belly, +and a pair of white round thighs a duchess might have been proud of, +I kissed her cunt, and fumbling about from her navel to her arse-hole, +fucking her with a long lingering fuck which left us both silent, and +enervated. My cock lingered up her as I lay quiet, squeezing my belly up +to hers, my lips still against her rosy mouth, and said, "You will have +a boy this day nine months." +

+

+And she did have a boy that day nine months. A second time that prophecy +had come true alas! +

+

+With a kiss we parted; men were returning from the fields. I got to the +Hall. At dinner my aunt said, "Walter you should have given us help, all +should help hay-making, when rain comes on; but you are too lazy; what +have you been doing?" "Dear aunt, I have been reading steadily ever +since." Said she, "How fond of reading you are for a young man of your +age; how you can like to be so much alone, as you have been lately I +cannot imagine, it would be better if you took more exercise." She did +not know the condition my cock had been in. And my mother was delighted +at my being in the country, thinking I was getting steadier, and away +from bad company. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER V. +

+
+     Aunt at the dairy.—Morning amusements with Pender.—Female
+     hay-makers.—Mrs. Whiteteeth.—An exhibition of cock.—
+     Against a field-gate.—A night on the grass.—A sight from
+     the barn-loft.—Robert the page.—Molly.
+
+

+I could scarcely sleep that night. Pender seemed to me the most +delicious woman I had ever poked. What if excitement had brought back +the clap! what if I had clapped her! I had never after the clap had a +woman until the doctor said I might. When I awakened, to my joy my prick +was as dry as a bone; a woman was what I had wanted to complete my cure. +The next minute my prick was stiff as I thought of Pender's charms. +

+

+It was a lovely morning, every available hand in house and farm was sent +off to scatter the hay which on the previous night had been heaped up, +Mrs. Pender excepted, whose dairy duty kept her at the farm. I caught +her in the cow-house to her astonishment, for it could not have been +more than six A.M. To rush up to her, and kiss her was instantaneous. +She repulsed my wandering hands. "Oh! sir, don't now,—no never, never +again (married women always say that), Missus will be coming,—no +never,—I'm a married woman,—now pray,—you shant." I got her back up +against a wall, my hand on her fringe, my mouth pressed to hers; how +was it possible to resist? At ten paces was the stable, and the friendly +hay. What a ballocking I gave her, with the summer sun shining through a +window on to us, as we lay together in the early morning. +

+

+She sat down to milking with her cunt full of me. "They be all up at the +hay," said she, "but Missus comes every fine morning to the dairy (that +was true), she won't be here for an hour; but if she were, what would I +do? my husband will be back, he'll take breakfast to the fields, to save +time, in chance of wet again coming on. Oh! do go." There was certainly +all those chances. Off I went across the rick-yard, round the belt of +trees which skirted the house and gardens, so that I seemed to enter +from the opposite side to that where Pender sat milking. +

+

+"Is my aunt up?" "No sir, she won't be down till seven o'clock when +she goes to the dairy." I took a book, sat down till the servant +disappeared, then running by the path soon to be described, was in two +minutes in the farm-yard. Pender was in the dairy, resistance was vain, +and with her back up against the dairy wall we fucked. I cut back to the +house, and sat outside reading. Soon after aunt appeared. +

+

+Said she, "What is the matter, that you are up so early?" (I usually was +asleep at that hour.) "I could not sleep, dear aunt." "It would do you +good if you always got up early, come with me to the dairy." In five +minutes aunt and I were there. Lord, how Pender looked when she saw us +together! +

+

+Aunt took pleasure in her farm. Every morning if well she walked down to +it, saw how many eggs had been laid, and if butter-making, etc., went on +rightly. Pender attended, whilst aunt with spectacles on was looking at +the cream-pans, and asking questions, I looking as if deeply interested +in the matter, was pinching Pender's bum as she stood besides my aunt. +"How hot you are Pender," said my aunt looking at the woman. "It is +hot ma'am," she replied, perspiration streaming down her face. How very +uncomfortable she looked. +

+

+At breakfast aunt said, "What do you think Walter has been to the dairy +with me." "Lor'!" said my lady cousins, "that is wonderful; he to get +up so early!" "Have you had that dairy-maid long, aunt?" "Why don't +you recollect she was housemaid here once?" "No." Then aunt told the +history, which till then I did not know. +

+

+At the time of my unsuccessful attempt at a feel, she was engaged to +a young man; they quarrelled, he left the village to go for a soldier, +came back; again a quarrel, and again off he went. After a time he wrote +to say, he meant to marry another girl. Pender was in great grief. Just +then a head-man on the estate, about fifty-five years old, offered her +marriage, and in a reckless state of mind, she accepted him. Directly +afterwards her sweetheart came back, his statement was a false-hood, +told to try her. It was too late, and he went to America. "She is a very +nice, steady woman," said aunt, "they lead a quiet life, but I don't +think she is very happy, twenty-three and fifty-five are not a good +match." +

+

+Food was sent to some of the farm-laborers at a meadow half-a-mile off. +I had the pleasure of seeing my cousins, aunt, and two of the female +servants in big straw hats, go off to the field. They thought haymaking +good fun. I promised to join them, and directly they were out of sight +cut off to Pender, dodged all round the rick-yard to see if I was alone, +and found her tranquilly churning butter. The stable still appeared +the best place. Thither we went, and for the first time quietly, so to +speak, I saw the article, and all its surroundings, which had given me +several pleasures; and after fucking her I went to join my aunt, as I +had promised her. +

+

+I had soon enough of hay-making myself, so laid down in the shade +watching the hay-makers (nearly all women). As they moved along in rows, +lewd thoughts occupied my mind. One biggish woman attracted my notice by +her magnificent white teeth; looking at her short petticoats, and thick +legs, lewdness increased to a cock-stand. I stared so as she approached +me, that she could not fail to notice it. "It's hot," said I. "It be +sir." She stooped with her bum towards me, and lying down as I was, I +saw nearly to her knees. "What would I give," I thought, "to be close up +to your bum-cheeks." Dirty linen, dirty clothes, sweaty flesh, none of +those objections occured to me. Then I moved farther up the field to get +nearer, for working along the ridges, they had got away from my resting +place, and again laid down reading a newspaper. I covered my lap with +it, feeling my prick beneath it, then I pulled my prick out (what +risk!), and just as she heading the file of women came towards me, and +began turning round; I again spoke to her. She stopped, the others went +on; I lifted the newspaper; there stood my prick, red-tipped as a berry. +She looked at it, at me, and putting one hand up to her mouth as if to +stop her laughter, turned and followed on the others with her work. Soon +returning she was again facing me, I saw her white teeth as she smiled, +and her eyes fixed on me; the other women turned round, she stopped +for a moment, off went the newspaper, and she gazed at my doodle for a +second or two again. She was further off then, and I saw her speaking +to the woman just in front of her, who looked round; I thought she had +told, and in a funk left the hay-field. +

+

+In the afternoon in the farm-yard, there were people about, and no +chance of having Pender. My desire to have her was intense. After dinner +I went to the farm, Pender had gone home, so I strolled into the lane +which the farm-buildings abutted on. +

+

+Between the Hall and farm-yard was a shrubbery path; laurels, hollies +and evergreens nearly met over head. It joined a belt of walk and +plantation which skirted the lawns, gardens and a small paddock, and hid +the farm-yard from the house. It took two or three minutes to walk from +the farm to the house. The farmyard on the other side opened on to a +lovely village lane running between fields for a mile or so; on one side +the land belonged to my aunt, the other to another proprietor. No one +scarcely went along it but farm people. At one end were the two cottages +in which I had fucked the two sisters years before; lower down past +the farm-gates, were one or two other cottages in which lived +farm-labourers, and in one of them the Pender's. The lane then joined +the high-road, which led by a half-a-mile to the front of my aunt's +house, and to the village. The farm-gates were always closed at dark. +A great bell which when pulled set a dog barking was the way of getting +in, after dark. +

+

+Leaving the wicket-gate ajar, I went down the lane, it was darkish, a +fine summer night, but no moon. I knew where Pender lived, and by cunt +attraction strolled in front of the cottage, though fearing to be seen. +

+

+As I left the farm-gate, female hay-makers who had worked till dark, +passed, curtsying as they recognized me. I thought of Whiteteeth but +saw her not. Turning back from Penders after I had strolled past the +cottage, I went up the lane languishing with lust, and leaned against a +field-gate. I heard a step,—it was the woman with white teeth. +

+

+"Good night." "Good night sir." "Come here." She stopped, came close, +I laid hold of her arm, and drew her close to the gate. "Come into the +field with me, I will give you five shillings." +

+

+A slight chuckle, the white teeth show. "I dare not." But as she spoke I +had got her back up against the gate, and my hand on her grummit. +

+

+"My old man will be waiting me,—I can't." Lifting her clothes I tried +to impale her as she stood. "No, no,—some one will pass," said she in a +whisper. I put my hand on the latch, the gate opened, and we were in the +field; the gate closed with a snap. I led her along by a ditch to a turn +in the hedge; she made no resistance, in a minute we were buried in deep +grass, my doodle buried in her cunt, we had spoken in whispers, all was +silent excepting the insects which chirped in the hot summer's night. +

+

+How delightful these chance pokes are; there was my prick which had not +been washed since it had left Pender's cunt, now wetting to its roots in +the cunt of an unknown woman,—and I'd only just recovered from a +clap. Not a word had we spoken from the moment we entered the field. +We copulated in quietness. My prick did not uncunt, but I moved my arse +outwards, when with tightening grasps, a heave up, and a tightening of +her cunt, she whispered, "Go on doing it" +

+

+I could see the white teeth, but indistinctly, there was just sufficient +light to see outlines, and anything white, but no colour. "I don't think +I can, I have been doing it all day," I said. +

+

+"You've had one of the other women," said she in a whisper, "if I'd +knowed it, you should not have had me," and with a jerk she uncunted me. +

+

+"No," said I, "it's a joke." She raised herself slightly-to look me +in the face, but it was too dark. "I thought not," said she; then she +caught hold of my prick, fell on her back again, I saw indistinctly a +broad expanse of thigh and belly. "Let's feel,—let's look." Wide open +were her legs in a minute, I felt a great, cool belly, strong, thick +crisp hair, my fingers moved easily up the buttered love-trap, I could +not see the opening. +

+

+"Hush!" said she, "there is a footstep." Quiet on the grass we lay; +tramp, tramp it came, past, and died away. "I wonder who it be," said +she. +

+

+She had kept hold of my prick, and soon our bellies met. When done +she hurried me not out of her, seemed to like my indulgence, till she +whispered, "I must go, keep here till you can't hear my footsteps before +you come out, we be near the yard, and if I be seen I don't know what +they will say." +

+

+"My old man's at the 'Lion,' but I'll go straight home." "Perhaps he'll +have gone home." "Not he,—they allus sticks at the Public late, when +they works late." And with her cunt reeking, off she went. +

+

+I followed, intending to walk round to the front of the Hall. Passing +Pender's house, to my astonishment she was standing at the door. I went +up to her. "Oh!" said she, "Pender will be home, I expect him every +minute." She could hear his footsteps a mile off, but she would not let +me into the house. +

+

+Opposite to Pender's was also a field-gate, I persuaded her to come out +and stand there with me; the hedge hid anyone coming along the lane. "At +the first sound of a footstep," said I, "I will go into the field, and +you can cross to your house." I was longing for the woman, but scarcely +thought I could do it after my day's fucking. The idea of putting my +prick still wet with Whiteteeth's juices, into Pender's quim, stimulated +me; my cock stood (in those days if it stood it was sure of doing duty). +I closed up to her whispering love, and frigging her, she gradually +getting besides herself with pleasure. At length up went my prick into +her, and after a quarter of an hour's lamming, finished. +

+

+Meeting her husband in the lane might have caused suspicion, so into the +field I went, intending to wait till he passed, laid down, fell asleep, +awaking when it was broad daylight. I then waited two hours, walked +round to the Hall, waited in the front till the door was opened, then +went up to my room, and to bed. The servant saw me go in, and I imagine +thought I had been out in the grounds without her knowing it,—certainly +it never was known that I had been out all night. +

+

+I went to bed to rumple it, then down to breakfast, all the time +thinking of some lie as an excuse for being out all night. "You were +tired, and went to bed early I expect," said aunt. "Yes," said I. My +limbs were aching from exposure to night-air, as I spoke. +

+

+Three days had made a great change in me. My prolonged abstinence from +women, and now my recovery, my taking more to animal food, wine, and +my usual mode of living, the quiet life I was leading, all my physical +forces at their highest. My cock stood from morning till night, not a +woman passed me, young or old, without my desiring them. I thought of +nothing else, and to this perhaps is due the variety of poking I got. +Luck usually falls to those who look out for it. +

+

+I have said there was a shrubbery round the grounds connecting with that +from the Hall to the farm; quite on the other side of the Hall were the +stables, and the gardener's house. None of the stablemen or gardeners +were on the farm-side. The servants of the Hall slipped down to the +farm to gossip, but it was not allowed. The only person who regularly +traversed the shrubbery was Mrs. Pender, who twice a day took milk, and +dairy produce to the Hall. +

+

+Half-way down this shrubbery-path was a path connecting with that which +went quite round the grounds. Cunningly contrived, and leading out of +it was one to a large privy, usual in such grounds as my aunt's. A large +octagonal house covered with ivy, with a door and two glass windows, a +house devoted to shitting, but large enough to hold a dozen people. +

+

+One or two days after I had had Whiteteeth and Pender, I dodged about +after the latter, but there were people about. I went off to the +hay-making, but there were only men carting hay; so I went sniffing +about the servants in the house, but nothing came of that. In the +afternoon I went to the farm-yard, and prowled about to find some +chance, and place to get Pender, and went up into the big loft in the +barn over the cart-shed. Why I went up there I don't know, and had not +been there a minute before I heard a scuffle, and a kiss. "I shant, +now—you saucy boy," said a female voice. Another kiss, and a scuffle. +"I must go to the house," said the female. I peeped: it was a nursemaid, +and my aunt's page. The girl ran off, leaving the page. They did not see +me. +

+

+My aunt's male in-door servants consisted but of a middle-aged butler +who had been in her service many years, a slow, solemn man, a widower, +and a page taken on when small, who had recently grown rapidly, and was +a heavy, stupid, gawky lad, between fifteen and sixteen years old, too +big for his place. My aunt, although always intending to dismiss him, +kept him on out of kindness, but at length had said, "Page must go, I +shall not give him a new suit, it will be waste of money." He looked +stupid as an owl, and as if an idea about cunt would never have entered +his mind. +

+

+This boy stood still reflecting, then unbuttoned his trowsers, pulled +out a stiff, big prick, and after pulling the prepuce down once or +twice, buttoned it up again; stood still, again unbuttoned, sat down +on some straw, reflected, and then frigged himself. After wiping his +fingers on the straw he went off, leaving me wondering at his lust, the +size of his doodle, and the quantity of spunk he shot. "That lumpish boy +to do that!" forgetting what I did, when only a little older than him. +

+

+"Hullo! what are you doing here?" said a voice.—it was Pender's. He +made no reply. "You'd better be off to the Hall, you've no business +here." "I was fetching the nurse-maid." "Well she's no business here; +you cut, they will be ringing for you." When the voices ceased I +descended, and went to the Hall. +

+

+The head farm-man had recently died, he, his wife and daughter, had +lived in the cottage in the farmyard. Pender's husband had taken his +place, but still lived in his cottage in the lane. The woman whose +husband had died attended to things in general, the daughter assisted +in the dairy, and worked very often up at the Hall. A pretty girl of a +common, rustic style of beauty, and about sixteen years old; she used to +curtsy to me when she met me, but I had never cast my eyes at her. As I +skulked out through the rick-yard into the shrubbery-walk leading to the +Hall I met her, stopped, and had a chat, a joke, and finished by a kiss, +which she took in very bad part, and wiped away with her hand, as if I +was quite disgusting. She was an only child, her name Molly. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER VI. +

+
+     Joey and nursemaid.—The privy in the laurel-walk.—Scared.—
+     Whiteteeth in the ditch.—The nursemaid's bed-room.—Robert
+     amusing her.—A lost virginity.—Aunt and Joey.—Nearly
+     caught.—Amatory instructions to nursemaid.
+
+

+Lusting worse after the kiss, I went to the house. My cousins were +out, my aunt taking her afternoon's nap. I rang my bed-room bell for +something, simply to get a woman near me, in the shape of a housemaid +who was as ugly as sin. I pulled out my cock when she left, and thought +of imitating the page, but did not; from my window saw the nursemaid was +out with the child, and strolled out to meet her. I must mention that +the child (about four years old), was a married cousin's child who had +gone to India with her husband; leaving the infant in charge of her +mother, my aunt. +

+

+Nursemaid was a dry, plainish little woman whom I had scarcely noticed +until the previous three days. I talked to the infant, and played with +him, asked her if she would like a child, if she would let me be the +father, and got a chaffing reply. Suddenly it struck me from the scuffle +I had heard in the barn, that she and the page were very intimate, and +said as a random shot, "You would not mind Robert cuddling you, would +you now?" She coloured up, looked confused, then said, as if she did +not recollect, "Robert?—who is Robert?" "Fat Robert the page." "Pough." +said she, "that big boy!" She took up the child, and walked off,—not to +the house, but a long way away from it. After a time I followed her; +she entered a grotto, or very large summer-house which formed part of +an artificial ruin in the grounds, and which was the scene of an amusing +adventure with this very child some years later on in my life. There she +sat down. +

+

+I saw what a good blind the child was, so went into the grotto to talk +to him. He was sitting in her lap. In a minute said he, "I want to +pee-wee." "Hush!" said she, "I will take you for a walk." "I will +pee-wee," said he, scuffling down from her lap, running outside the +summer-house; turning round, lifting his petticoats, and pissing in +front of us. +

+

+"You naughty boy," said she. "What a little cock he has," said I. She +snatched up the child, went towards the house, and there was an end for +the time of my talk with her. +

+

+I dodged from hay-field to farm-yard, thence to the house, saw Pender, +saw the young wench (Molly) I have named, looked out for Whiteteeth; +it was all no go. I had dinner, then strolled down to the village, saw +Whiteteeth outside the public with her husband. Back to the house, +saw nursemaid, said in a whisper. "I shall come and sleep with you +to-night." "That you won't," said she, "Master Joe always sleeps in +my room." Randy and weary I went to bed, after nearly spending in my +trowsers as I looked at my cousins' white necks in the drawing-room, and +thought to myself, "I will go to ——— (the market-town a few miles off +to which I have before alluded), and have a woman to-morrow." During +the hot night thought of cunt, cunt, cunt, would not frig myself, slept. +Awakened again with a stiff one, frigged, and then got repose. +

+

+The next morning I increased my acquaintance with the young wench Molly, +chaffed the nursemaid, and besought her to let me sleep with her. Again +went to the hay-field, but hay-making was finished, the weather dull, +and further hay-making postponed till finer weather. +

+

+Keeping a sharp eye on page Robert, I soon saw he was spooning +nursemaid; detected him kissing her, and putting his hand on her belly +outside her clothes. She seeing me, gave him a violent slap on the head; +when I chaffed her, turned up her nose again and said, "A boy like that +indeed; I beg you won't talk like that to me sir." +

+

+She slept in a room which was properly entered from the servant's +corridor, which connected with the best part of the house through +folding doors. But a door had been made in the room from best part of +the house, so that my aunt, who had had a large family could more easily +see how the children when there, were being looked after. This door was +just by a lobby which led to the W.C; any one going there might seem to +be either going towards the W.C, or towards the servants' staircase, the +nursemaid's room therefore could be entered from either door, and on two +sides. +

+

+By the door on the servants' side was a house-maid's W.C and the +servants' staircase which led also to the attics, where some slept, and +to a lobby with rooms mostly used for lumber, and where the page had +been put to sleep, away from females, or anyone else. The butler +slept in a little room adjoining the pantry and plate-room, on the +ground-floor. +

+

+Several days passed, I did not get a gay woman, but hunted incessantly +in hopes of getting Pender, or Whiteteeth, or the nursemaid. Young Molly +I did not much think of; she seemed too young, so chaste, so looked +after, that I had no expectation, but do not recollect what my views +about her exactly were. Then I did not care about young ones. A +full-grown woman, large-arsed, with a full-sized and fully-haired cunt +was my greatest delight; above all I liked room inside it for my cock to +swell out, a tight cunt had no delights to me. +

+

+After a few days my luck came as it mostly has. I went again with my +aunt to the dairy. Whilst she was talking to Pender a notion occurred to +me. I did not go into breakfast, but waited in the turning leading out +of the shrubbery between the Hall and farmyard; and hiding, saw Pender +take up the milk; a few minutes later heard her returning, and stepped +out. I had made up my mind to have her in the privy; have had women in +similar places before and since, and daresay that other men have. +

+

+She gave a start. "Come here." "No." But I clutched her. "Oh! now +pray,—if anyone comes?" "But there won't you know that,—come this +way," and I pulled her out of the main-walk. "Oh! don't, there's a +dear gentleman,—hush! perhaps some one is near." "Why they are all at +breakfast." "I don't know where my husband is." +

+

+I had edged her down the path, and pushed her into the large privy. +Pender was randy, that I see now. A woman in fear yields reluctantly, +but she yields when she wants a man. +

+

+I locked the door and pressed her up against the wall. "Oh! I am so +frightened," said she, "later on I'll let you,—oh! if we should be +found." She was in a funk, but what can any woman do, who feels a man's +warm prick outside her belly, and his hands fumbling at her clitoris? +the sensuous touch goes through her like lightning. Soon we were both +spending. +

+

+My head was on her shoulder, my prick oozing its last drop of sperm, +when she clutched me violently with a stare of terror in her face, it +scared me. "It is he, it's he!" she said in a screaming whisper, "oh! +my God!" Tramp,—tramp, went a heavy male step in the shrubbery. "Oh! my +God, I know his step!" +

+

+My prick flopped down, her petticoats dropped, but we stood close +against the wall breathless. Tramp,—tramp, nearer, nearer it came, it +passed the door, and died away in the distance. As he passed I peeped +through the little red curtains over the window, and saw it was her +husband's cap. +

+

+She sat down on the privy-seat, and buried her face in her hands. "My +God," said she, "What would have happened, if he had found me here? But +what does he do up this path? he has no business here," she added. +

+

+After a few seconds I went off in one direction, she as she told me, +to her cottage, where she found her husband, and they had breakfast +together; the good man not suspecting, that his wife's cunt was full of +sperm. Such are the chances of me. +

+

+I went into breakfast. My aunt was annoyed at my being so late. A female +cousin,—a pretty girl,—whom it was wished I should marry, poured out +my tea. I thought, "Ah! my dear girl, if you knew where my prick has +been a few minutes ago, it would astonish you." +

+

+I went through the farm-yard a little before midday into the lane, and +passed Pender without speaking. I met Whiteteeth carrying a mug and +other things in a basket in the lane. She smiled, I followed to the +memorable gate, then stopped. "Come into the field," said I. "I can't, +I'm taking my good man his dinner, some of the women may come this way." +"I owe you five shillings, I'll make it ten shilling,—come." "I don't +want your money." "Come for love then." "We must be quick," said she +following me, and cautiously she looked round. We passed through the +gates to the place where we had laid down before; now in broad day it +seemed dangerously near the lane. There was a sinking in the surface +a little further on where cows had trodden the ground down to get to a +ditch; there she put down her dinner-basket. Throwing up her petticoats, +I saw her cunt was dark-haired. We fucked rapidly, no fumbling, +stink-fingering, or frigging. I gave her ten shillings. "Give it me in +silver," said she, "if I change it in the village it will be known." I +took it back, gave her all the silver I had, owing her some. She said +she would meet me again in the evening, unless her husband was working +in the same field with her; he was mowing then. +

+

+I had luncheon, and a cock-stand again, walked round the grounds, and +saw the nursemaid with the child. A cunning little bitch she was,—I did +not see that plainly then,—she was rolling on the lawn playing with +the child, her clothes went up to her knees; it was carelessness, she +believing herself alone with the boy. She had a thin pair of limbs in +nice boots. I peeped out from the shrubs, expecting to see higher, but +did not. The little boy again wanted to piddle, she pulled out his cock, +and held it. Whilst so interestingly engaged I advanced, she put his +clothes down. I walked by her side. "You like holding that?" said I. She +turned away. "Let me sleep with you." "This is my bedfellow," said she +laughing, and went towards the house, I in the opposite direction of +course. +

+

+I waited in the lane in the evening. Whiteteeth came along with others, +eyeing me with a smile, and there was no opportunity. It was lightish. +I thought to get Pender in the privy again next morning. It was not +probable that her husband would pass that way again at that time. I +went to bed. In the middle of the night was obliged to go to the +water-closet, and sitting there thought of the housemaid, recollected +that my aunt had said she would have Joey, who was not well, sleep with +her that night. "Why, she will be alone that nursemaid, she is a randy +one," I thought; but was by no means sure I should succeed, having +known others who would go a long way, but stop short at fucking. If she +resisted and there was a row, I should be obliged to leave my aunt's. +All this ran through my mind whilst sitting on the water-closet. +Water-closets had not long been known, they were quite proud of having +them in my aunt's house. +

+

+My cock rose up, as the girl's neat thin legs came before my eyes. Cock +stiffer I went towards my bedroom, passed her door, heard her moving +inside, and that settled me. Going to my room I put in the candle, and +in my dressing-gown went softly back, turned the handle, and pushed her +door. It opened, and a sight met my astonished eyes. +

+

+She was lying on the bed, leaning on her elbow, in her chemise which +was just above her knees, her legs partly up and open, her back turned +partially from me as I entered. By the bed-side stood page Robert with +his breeches opened, she was frigging, or feeling his great cock as +she lay; the page's hand was between her knees, either on her cunt, or +trying to get at it. They were in the enjoyment of mutual investigation. +Whether it was going further I can't say. I believe she was frigging +him, although she always denied that afterwards. +

+

+I had fairly entered the room before they (so engrossed were they +with their pleasures) saw me; when with a shriek of, "Oh! my God I am +ruined!—go (turning to the page), go out sir, or I will scream (to +me), what's he here for?—what do you here sir?" Without a word the page +turned and bolted, pulling up his trowsers which fell down to his +arse as he shuffled out of the room. She turned on one side without +attempting to hide her legs, or breast, and hid her face crying, "Oh! +what shall I do?—what shall I do?—go sir go,—I don't know what he did +here," and other excited, incoherent phrases. +

+

+I do not recollect saying a word, but bolted the door by which the page +had gone out, then that by which I had entered; the bolts of that had +been shot, only they had not quite closed the door before locking. "Be +quiet, don't be a fool, I'll fuck you,—let's be comfortable," said I. +

+

+She refused. "Robert has fucked you." "No he ain't." "You were frigging +him." "No I wasn't,—oh! I don't know what you mean, or what you are +saying." In her fear, and agitation she had been betrayed into answering +my assertions. "Oh! dear,—oh! dear!—but you won't tell, will you +sir?—it will be worse for you if you do," said she with a sort of +threat, and altering her tone. +

+

+"I won't tell if you let me,—don't be a fool,—I will have you. If +there is a row I will say I found you with Robert, and you and he will +go out neck and crop. If they think badly of me I don't care; I shall +leave, and in a few months they will overlook it; but you will have no +character: you have been seen in the cart-shed with Robert." She started +at that. "It's a story," said she, "who saw me?" and then she began to +cry. +

+

+I pulled up my night-shirt, threw myself besides her, and pulled up +her night-gown. My hand in an instant was on her cunt, her thin thighs +closed to prevent me, but she was silent. "I will have you," said I +laying on her, and forcing open her knees with mine. Her resistance grew +less. "I can't help myself", said she, "you are a blackguard, all the +women say you are,—-don't,—oh! don't hurt me." "Nonsense, you have had +a prick up it before." "No man has ever touched me." "Let me feel then." +Her thighs slightly opened, I put a finger on it. "You have a very +little cunt." "Don't be rough," said she. At length my belly met hers, +my hand was round her slender bum, my prick on the slit. I pushed, it +did not enter as I expected, then I felt her cunt roughly, and made her +cry out. "What a small cunt you have," I said, and with a violent lunge +pushed up it. She gave a suppressed gasp. "Oh! you hurt, oho." I pushed +home, fucked and finished triumphantly, for I had had her in spite of +herself. We had spoken in whispers till she split, and then her cry was +sharp, and loud. +

+

+I drew my prick out and myself upon my knees, to see how the cunt +looked. She did not close her legs. By the light of the small candle I +could see she had not much more hair on her cunt than a girl of +sixteen years old. I laid by her side talking to her, then noticing my +night-shirt said, "You are poorly." "Nothing of the sort." To put my +fingers up to verify that, and look at them was the work of a moment. +"Then I have made you bleed." "You have hurt me very much, you brute." +

+

+I did not like the girl nor her manner, didn't feel kind as I always +do towards a woman I have had. "You little devil, to hear you talk one +would think you had never had a man before." "Think what you like, but I +never have,—go away now." +

+

+Her tight cunt, her freedom in permitting me to feel it, her sulky +submission to all I wanted astonished me. I fucked her again, and found +her cunt very tight still. +

+

+She was taciturn, and when I said, "I had better go." "Go," she replied, +"I suppose we shall be kicked out,—what will Robert say?" We agreed +that she was to tell Robert, that unless he held his tongue he would +be kicked out without a character; that I was to tell him, that hearing +conversation I had opened the door; that out of consideration for the +poor girl would not tell my aunt; but that I should notice him, and if +I found him misbehaving himself, would tell my aunt that he was not a +proper person to be in the house. Then I went to my bed-room. +

+

+I slept but a short time, awakened with a cock-stand, and slipping on +my dressing-gown sneaked without slippers to her room again; knocked +gently, heard a sleepy voice say, "Yes ma'am," and the door was opened. +Spite of her opposition I got into bed with her, another fuck, she +spent, and we both fell asleep. +

+

+A violent push awakened me. A knock at the door. "My God it's Missus." +We were in the dark. Pulling my dressing-gown off the chair I slipped +with it under the bed, forgetting the door thru which I might have +escaped. "Let her in," I whispered. Trembling she opened it. It was +my aunt. "Here," said she, "take Master Joey, he has kept me awake all +night." The nursemaid put him into the bed, my aunt standing by the +side, her feet actually against my slippers. "What did you lock this +door for?" said she, "have I not told you always tor keep this door +unlocked?" "I felt frightened," said the girl. Away my aunt went, the +girl sunk on the chair. There was now a light. In a whisper from under +the bed I said, "Play with the child." She got into bed, took the boy in +her arms, cuddled and talked to him, whilst I slipped out and regained +my room. It was not day-light. +

+

+I had had three women the same day, had washed after neither, their +lubrications had mixed with mine on my prick-stem and balls. A day +or two following I had a stock of crabs; were they Pender's, or +White-teeth's, or nursemaid's, or did I breed them? I had all three +women afterwards, and never got the crabs again whilst at my aunt's. At +the market-town I got a remedy, and was soon cured, but had to leave off +fucking for a little while. +

+

+I had had the three women at a cost of five shillings; such luck never +occurred to me before, or since. +

+

+I don't know when I have had such a jolly month's amusement as then +followed, in getting first one, and then another of the women. All three +met my wishes, but there were many difficulties, dodges, manoeuvres to +get either of them. Nursemaid moving about with the child in all sorts +of places, came in for the most cock. She was small-boned, skinny, and +her face had the expression that people have when they have just taken +medicine. Under other circumstances I should never have noticed her, but +the extreme smallness of her cunt was a novelty. I thought at first she +was a regular intriguer, but came to the conclusion that I had had +the first of her; and that until then she had been a masturbatrix, and +frigged her flesh off her bones. Rub her clitoris for a second, her eyes +would open wide and roll with such intense voluptuousness that for a +moment her face looked beautiful. I used to tell her, that she frigged +herself thin. +

+

+I took you may be sure a great fancy to my little cousin Joey, for that +gave me an opportunity of getting near the nurse. She was always out +in the grounds with him in fine weather. I would throw the ball for the +child to run after in the direction of the grotto, then walked round to +see if any gardener was near, and tip her the wink. In we would go, and +either against seat, or up against the wall, or more frequently laying +her with back on the big rustic table, and her legs round my hips, I +poked her. Once she laid the little child on the table, and played +with him there, whilst I threw her clothes up behind, and fucked her +dog-fashion. "Lay hold of his cock," said I as bum-wagging indications +told me she was coming, and she kissed his little cock rapturously till +she spent. The little beggar! I wonder if in later years he recollected +anything he saw. Years afterwards it was my fortune to see him fucking a +servant in that very summer-house. +

+

+Whether the child was old enough, or not to notice what he saw, was a +subject of talk with us. We came to the conclusion, that we were safe. +After luncheon, when my aunt took a nap, and my cousins went out driving +(if I could avoid driving out with them, and what lies I told to do +that), was my most fortunate time; for the servants were lazy after +their dinner, and the garden excepting from gardeners, quite free. +

+

+The summer-house, called the grotto, was a big one, there were wide +seats nearly all round, chairs, and a big table in the middle capable of +dining a dozen people. I was once frigged in it by a young lady, and two +different servants did I fuck in it. These adventures will be told in +their place. There were several summer-houses about the grounds, and I +had the nursemaid in most of them. +

+

+Once only I slept with her the whole night, or rather lay fucking her, +we were frightened to sleep, for fear of being caught. Joey was away. +She told me the page had been showing her his prick for nearly a year; +and she let him come to her room that night just to see what he would +do. "You were frigging him, were you not?" "I was feeling it about." +Then I told her I had seen him frig himself in the barn. "The servants +at the Hall wonder at your being so much at the farm," said she. "How +the devil can they know that?" I thought to myself. It put me on my +guard. +

+

+She swore no man had ever touched her before me. "You forced me, and +made me bleed; I would not have let you, only I feared you would tell +what you had seen, and I should lose my character." She however took +now to fucking, and was insatiable in getting me up her; her little thin +form clung to me in a wonderful way and she loved my penis to push to +the utmost up her tight little cunt. +

+

+"So my Fanny's small?" she asked several times, "tell me about other +women's; are they much larger than mine? I know I have very little hair +on mine." What nice talk we had. +

+

+She had been always nursemaid, had frigged herself as long as she +could recollect, had nursed a girl eight years old who frigged herself +incessantly, she had to slap her, and tie her hands to prevent it. "Now +tell me truly, did you ever frig any boy?" "Never," but she had made +their cocks stiff. She had frigged a girl, and been frigged in return. +So much for nursemaids. She said she was 27. +

+

+The morning after I first had her, I told Robert to come to the garden +directly the breakfast was cleared away. He came. "I heard a noise last +night as I was passing, opened the door, and caught you; I have a good +mind to tell your mistress, but the nursemaid has begged, and prayed +me not; but if I hear you have ever mentioned this, or see you near +her again, I will have you kicked out the next five minutes, and she +too.—Be off." Away he went, without a word. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER VII. +

+
+     Molly and Giles.—A country ale-house.—Pender's history.—
+     How her virginity was taken.—White-teeth's ailment.—Molly
+     in the loft.—Interrupted. Molly tailed.
+
+

+I fucked Whiteteeth in the meadow one night again. We selected a field +further off, which led to another bit of luck. She had left me, and I +was stepping quietly, so that if met, no one might suppose we had been +together; when I heard on the other side of a hedge, movements, and the +voices of a male and female. They sat down within a few feet of where I +was. I only heard imperfectly, and tell as well as I could gather what +was said. +

+

+"I can't stay," said she, "mother will be after me,—she don't know I am +out of the yard." A kiss,—many kisses,—a scuffle,—"be quiet,"—then +all was a mumble. Then "I won't,—I won't,—never again,—you shant." +"Hush!" said he, "suppose some one is near." "Do let's feel it,—let's +do it," said the male, "do it once, do it twice, it's all the same once +done." I kept as quiet as death. +

+

+"No" (here something I could not catch),—"no,—it warn't no pleasure to +me,—I've been crying ever since,—you won't marry me after all I dare +say, though I let you do it." "So help me God I will, I'll marry you." +He swore quite loudly. "Hish!" "Mother won't let us, she hates you." The +female whimpered, then was mumbling, kissing, soothing, quietness, +then all of a sudden, "Oh! you're hurting me with your fingers." +"Hish!—hish!—be quiet!" Then I could hear nothing;—then, "No, I'll +be getting in a mess like Bess." Said the man half angrily, "She were a +fool, she needn't a had a child; I knows a mother who can stop any gal +having a child." "Now don't,—oh! it hurts,—no,—oh!—hoe!" The voices +sank; kisses came a slight rustling, and all was quiet. +

+

+Then I heard broken words from both, but in a subdued voice "I'll never +let you no more," said the female, "you go that way." Kiss, kiss, and +the cut off, the female towards the gate I had entered the field by, he +across the fields. She piddled, and waited till he had gone. Dodging +her I moved after her, and saw her enter the farm-yard, but could not +identify her. It must be Molly I was sure, no other female at that time +was likely to enter there. Why Molly has been fucked! +

+

+Next day I asked nursemaid about Molly. "Oh! that's why you go to the +farm so often," said she laughing jealously. "She's a good girl, her +mother looks after her sharp." +

+

+I had most difficulty in getting Pender. She would not go into the privy +again. I fucked her once or so in the barn, but at railroad pace; +both anxious, the fuck barely worth having. "I'll go to mother's next +Sunday," said she. "If P go to the Red Lion on Saturday night, I'll be +outside in the lane." We met in the lane, but I could only get a +feel, and arrange about Sunday. "I'll go to mother's at ———" (the +market-town), "if the day be fine; P. won't come, he don't like mother, +or he'll only come in the evening." +

+

+On Sunday I rode to the town, passing Pender on the road in her Sunday +finery, went to a lane where was an ale-house and bakery below, a baudy +house above, and took a room (Fred told me of the place years before). +Pender went to her mother's, and so soon as people were in church came +to the appointed corner. I kept well ahead of her, entered the house, +and after hesitating at the door in she came after me. +

+

+"How could you be such a fool as to walk about outside like that?" said +I angrily, for I had feared she would not enter. "I was frightened," +she replied, "and oh! I must get back to mother's by dinner-time at one, +when the Publics and the bake-houses open." +

+

+It was a delicious day, and beats in my recollection many others of +fevered enjoyment. Little by little I stropped a tall, fine, stout, +healthy, country woman, a regular spanker; with white flesh, firm, soft +satiny and smelling like new milk. She was bashful without affection, +ashamed to expose her charms, yet proud to do so to me. She was clad in +snow-white coarse linen, neat and clean from her boots to her head. +What enjoyment we had! how we spent! I fucked her three times before +the dinner-hour, my prick or my finger was in her cunt for an hour and a +half. +

+

+At half-past twelve off she went; in less than two hours back she came. +She had said that a friend of hers was ill, and she had promised to sit +with her (a woman cocking is never at loss for a lie). It was raining. +The umbrella helped to hide her, but she was nervous about being seen. I +had dinner at the house, the woman cooked well; the keepers were really +small traders who did not mind their rooms being used for love-making, +and had none of the dirty tricks of a London baudy house keeper. He +fetched me a bottle of good sherry. +

+

+I got as lewd as could be, and to her astonishment turned her face +against the bed, threw up her clothes and had her with my belly +against her rump. I shall never forget the comicality of that fuck, +her protesting against it, and her wonderment at such an attitude. The +novelty upset her. +

+

+I don't recollect much more what I did, but it was an afternoon of baudy +teaching on my part, of confidences on hers; it was the first time we +had a chat together on general matters. Speaking of her husband she +said, "Why you have done it as much almost as he has done since we have +been married." "What in a year?" "Yes, we were married several weeks +afore he did it at all, so I told mother, and that's why he don't like +her." +

+

+She was warmed with wine, we were on the bed cuddling, my fingers at +work on her clitoris, we were enjoying each other's nakedness. I pressed +her to tell me more, and now narrate briefly what I heard of her first +fuck, her grievances and troubles. +

+

+"After I spoke to mother, mother said to him, 'You don't want a wife +much Mr. Pender, I think.' 'Why of course I do, I should not have +married had I not.' 'Well it don't seem like it', said mother. Then +Pender said, 'You mind your own business mother, or you'll make it hot +for your daughter', and with that he went out, and slammed the door. +Mother did not like to say any more, for fear he would ill-treat +me. Soon after he said, 'What have you been saying to your mother?' +'Nothing', I answered. He looked queer, and still he did not do anything +to me for some time.' +

+

+"When I was in bed I used to lay and cry, he'd say, 'What are you crying +about woman?' but I never told. +

+

+"After that one night he took my hand, put it on his thing and said, +'Feel that lass.' Then he felt all round me you know', said Mrs. P. +laughing, 'and he had never done that before,—and with no more ado +he got atop and said, 'Not don't be a fool', and then he did it,—and +that's all," said Mrs. Pender describing her first marital poke,—the +real beginning of her married life,—as she laid side by side by me, +with my prick in her hand. +

+

+I was curious,—a man always is in such matters. "Did it hurt you?—did +he get up you quick?" "I'm sure it was pretty quick, I cried out, and it +hurt. I was all in a tremble; then he said, 'Well you were all right and +tight five minutes ago.' I bled a lot." +

+

+"Perhaps your old sweetheart had done it before?" "He never laid hand on +me, but to kiss me." "Nor any one?" "Oh! yes, they have tried all round +I think," said she laughing, "you have,—so has the squire, and lots of +'em, you can't help that,—if a girl's taken unawares a man can get his +hand on her thighs, but he won't get more; and I always slapped their +heads, and there was an end of it." I recollect certainly her slapping +at mine hard enough. +

+

+Then she relieved her mind. "He's not a bad man,. he don't get drunk, +and we don't quarrel; but I don't care for him, and never did." "Ah! you +lost your young man, and thought you would be fucked by some one." "I +did not think at all about it, but in a sort of spiteful fit, when he +asked me to marry him, I said yes. I didn't think about his not doing it +to me much, till a woman asked me how I liked it, and how often he did +it; but I told her he did it a lot. Then I talked, and found men did it +often to their wives, and he does not do it to me once in three weeks. +So I fretted." "What do you do?" said I. She laughed, I gave her +clitoris a rub. "That's what you do?" "Yes," said she. "Do you often +want fucking?" "Every day," said Mrs. Pender frankly and openly. "Did +you want it the day I had you by the hay-stack?" "I just did." Then she +added that her husband knew she frigged herself, and usually said to her +when she intimated that she should like him up her, "Oh! do it yourself, +if your cunt's so hot, I'm tired." +

+

+She had married a man much more than double her own age, who poked her +once in three weeks; this healthy, well-fed woman of twenty-three who +wanted a nightly roger, and could have spent half-a-dozen times daily +with ease. She now had got me, liked me, was ready to do anything with +me or for me as I found out, and was sorry for it. +

+

+At six o'clock she was obliged to leave. We were both fucked out, and +parted regretting that a month must pass before she could venture to +go to her mother's again. I had left her enough to think about, for I +fucked her in several attitudes. It gave me pleasure to teach her. +

+

+Next day Molly ran in my head, so I fished about to hook her. She had +seemed to me so young, that I had taken but little notice of her; liking +the fat-cunted, biggish-arsed females best. Now I noticed her being so +plump and fresh, and wondered I had never noticed her previously. When +I met her, I looked in her face thinking, "Innocent as you look, your +cunt's been wetted by a man." I longed for her, but she was nearly +always in the farm-yard, either with her mother or Pender, when not +assisting up at the Hall; but when a man hunts a woman he is sure to get +a chance, as will be seen I did. +

+

+Just after I had Pender on the Sunday, an annoying thing occurred to me. +Whiteteeth worked in all parts of the parish, and she just now came to +do something on my aunt's grounds,—weeding I think. Catching her one +day alone I took some liberty. She resisted sullenly, looked up, and +nodding her head said, "You gave me a bad illness." "What!" said I. +"Did you not?" said she. I swore I had not; did she think me such a +blackguard?—would she see my prick? "Then my damned old man's given it +me, and he swears I gave it him," said she. She had a clap. I never had +her afterwards, and was told that lots of men had had her. Fred told me +soon afterwards, that he had, but that she had been quite steady since +her marriage, he believed. I didn't undeceive him. +

+

+When the farm-work was over Molly stood sometimes at the lane-gate. +Loitering about I saw a man named Giles there, who when he saw me +moved off. I laid hold of her once or twice, kissed and made the usual +approaches, at last got a hot fit of lust for her, and felt I would do +anything to get her once. After two women with well-haired cunts I did +nothing but picture to myself that she had a small cunt, and but little +hair on it, like nursemaid's,—and the idea excited me. +

+

+I have already described the barn, step-ladder, and loft; the chickens +sometimes flew up the ladder into the loft. I had seen Pender go up, and +whisk them down. Looking about one afternoon (hay-making was again going +on), no one seemed about, though Pender was in the dairy. I entered the +barn from the brickyard side, just as Molly was going up the ladder, +showing her legs innocently enough. +

+

+"What pretty legs," I cried. The girl scuffled up as hard as she could +to get out of sight, I after her. She was chasing some chickens, and +was as red as a turkey-cock in the face. I caught hold of her, prick +standing, heart beating, and kissed her. She resisted, I put my hand up +her clothes, and in the struggle we both rolled on to a heap of loose +hay; I had felt the flesh of her thighs. "Leave off," said she, "or I'll +call mother." Her mother was then ill in the farm-house. +

+

+"Don't be a fool," said I attempting it again. "Don't you do such +things sir,—I'll call mother,—it's wrong of you" "If you do," said +I brutally, "I'll tell your mother Giles fucked you in the field last +week." +

+

+Never shall I forget the look of the poor girl's face. "Oh!—oh!" said +she breathless, "you didn't,—it's a story, oh! now pray,—oh! it's a +shocking story,—I warn't in the field." "Don't.—oh! it hurts," said +I repeating other words which had been wandering through my brain ever +since I heard them. "I heard you and the man say that." +

+

+She began to cry, putting her head in her hands. "Let me do it, and +I won't tell,—no one will know, and you won't tell Giles, that's +certain." She ceased crying, and fixed her eyes on me wildly, I got my +hand up her clothes, her thighs were closed, she kept pushing me away, +"No,—no,—no." Forgetting where I was, or that anyone might come up the +ladder, I had my prick out, and with a struggle got my hand on her +cunt. "You won't tell, really now?" "Not if you let me." A little more +scuffling, and I had her down. She was quiet, and I was fucking with +all the delight and energy which a fresh woman gives a man, when I heard +"Molly, Molly" shouted out. With a violent start she uncunted me, and I +spent over her motte. "Where are you such a long time Molly?" "There +is a hen up here," said Molly who had started up, "and I think she has +laid, but can't find the egg." And Molly disappeared down the ladder. +"You're wanted up in the Hall," said the voice,—it was Pender's;—their +voices died away. How pleased Pender would have been had she known the +condition of Molly's motte! +

+

+Nothing is so irritating as spending outside a long coveted cunt, when +another thrust or two would have left the sperm up it,—it is maddening. +I could think of nothing but the girl; although I had barely felt, and +had seen nothing of her charms, she seemed to me perfection. For a day +or two I got no chance, so I wrote on a bit of paper, "You will get +into a mess, unless you meet me to-night; I'll be in the barn at eight +o'clock; come in through the wicket,"—or something to that effect. It +was intended to frighten her, for she avoided me. I pushed the note into +her hands at the Hall. +

+

+I walked through the farm-yard, afterwards and saw her, she shook +her head as I passed. I said rapidly,—Pender was in sight,—"You had +better." In the evening I hid myself in the loft, allowed the barndoors +to be closed, and should have had to stay all night there if some one +had not undone one of the wickets; they fastened them outside. +

+

+I had been there a long time, it was dark. "I am in here till to-morrow +morning," I thought, and walked up and down barely restraining +myself from frigging, such was my state of lust. It was possible that +circumstances might prevent her from coming, and I had given up hope, +when the wicket opened, It was she; she came up into the loft; I caught +her in my arms. +

+

+"What do you want?—you ain't a going to tell?—you ain't heard anybody +say anything?" said she. I could not see, but felt her tears, reassured +her, told her I loved her: who would know but us two? "What harm have +I done you?" said the poor girl, "Giles is going to marry me, that's +different,—oh I don't know." I had pushed her on to some hay, +threatening her one minute, coaxing her the next. +

+

+I was feeling her. My hand was roving over a plump little bum and belly, +my finger entered a tight little split on which was a little crisp hair, +my prick followed my finger, and on the new sweet hay, belly to belly, +but not mouth to mouth (she would not kiss), my prick revelled in a cunt +which seemed divine, and was soon drowned in a pond of its own making. +

+

+"Mother's better, and has gone down the lane to Pender's," said she, +"if she comes back she will wonder where I am,—let me go." I would +not, until I had again enjoyed her; and then the lass enjoyed me. She +unclosed the wicket in the rick-yard which let me out. I got across a +field into the lane, went past the farm-gates, and there stood Molly +with her mother. "Good night," said I to the mother, then passing +Pender's cottage, I went round, and up to the Hall. +

+

+I thought that having fucked Molly I should be contented; but the little +cunt, the little hair, the small bum, made me want Molly again. I could +not get her, she evidently did not wish for me; I had had her against +her will, and so had her again afterwards. Perhaps only seemingly +against her will, for though she resisted, and accused me of breaking my +word, she had spent with me, and was to spend again, perhaps in spite of +herself. +

+

+I cannot recollect the name of Molly's swain, though I have tried hard, +so call him Giles,—it is a bumpkin's name. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER VIII. +

+
+     Field women.—Fred at home.—Smith, the field foreman.—A
+     rape of a juvenile.—Funking consequences.—Nelly consents.—
+     Fred looks on.
+
+

+Strolling into the fields one day, idly smoking my cigar later on in +the year, groups of girls and women were at work. I talked to the +field foreman and looked at the girls, especially the younger ones, and +wondered if they had smaller cunts than Molly; of one whether she had +any hair on her cunt at all. Some were apparently not more than twelve +years of age. I longed to see their cunts, and joked with one or two of +the larger girls; but a decided longing for young cunts had set in on +me. "Pender," said I one day, "what a lot of fast-looking chits there +are in the fields." "They are a bad lot," said she, "there is one gal +there only just fourteen in the family way." I was just going to fuck +Pender, and daresay finished quickly enough, for at that age if I was +fucking, and thought of anything very baudy; with a sudden spasm I spent +right off, even if I had only just got my cock up. Indeed women used to +say to me, "How quick you are; why did you not wait for me?" +

+

+What with Molly, Pender, and nursemaid I was so well kept in cunt, that +I only occasionally went back to London. I had dissipated a large part +of my fortune; fucking here had not then cost me five pounds, so that +besides the novelty and delight of the intrigues and the risks I ran, +it was economical; and things might have gone on so, when back came my +cousin Fred. +

+

+A wide-awake fellow was Fred. When my aunt said how delighted they all +were to see me so steady, and had never seen me enjoy myself so much at +the Hall before, he stared. "He goes often," said aunt, "with me to the +dairy." "Yes and pats the cows," said a cousin. Fred winked at me, and +when we were alone said, "What's your little game Walter, where are you +cunting now old fellow?" "Cunt," said I, "is of no use, my clap's not +gone; but thank God I think it's getting all right again." He was quite +taken in. "You have done the best thing you could," said he "there is +nothing here much to excite you, no woman worth having, is there?" +

+

+We wandered daily over the farm and grounds, smoking and talking; he +had been so much away, that faces were unfamiliar to him. "What a skinny +bitch that is with Joey." said he (that was nursemaid). "That's a fine +woman," said I indicating Pender. "Yes," said he, "I recollect before +she was married trying to grope her, and she nearly knocked me over." "I +would not mind having her." "No chance for you my boy. Ah! has not that +little Molly grown," said he with a laugh, "I have often seen the +little devil's arse, and her cunt too when a child, playing about the +place,—she is nice: I think I'll have a try on her." "Aunt's partial to +her," said I. "Don't care." "She is very young." "Tighter cunt, and more +to teach," replied he,—and I noticed he began to be very sweet to Molly +afterwards. +

+

+One morning we walked into the fields, the foreman came up and saluted +us. He had been on the farm before Fred and I were born. "Well Smith," +said Fred, "still at the old games,—any bastards lately?" "Oi am tow +ould for that now Master." "Perhaps the girls don't like poking now?" +"Oi they do, but they doon't like me as they did." Smith (my cousin +told me), had had the credit all his life of poking all the agricultural +laborers, and had been threatened with dismissal on account of it. "He +might have had a worse berth," said I, "there are half-a-dozen girls in +the field I would not mind sleeping with." "Why don't you have them?" +said Fred. "I don't want to lose my character here." "That be damned, +you can always have a field-girl, nobody cares,—I have had a dozen or +two." +

+

+I turned this over in my mind. We were again in the fields, on the way +there he gave me a long account of how old Sarah used to wink at his +having the field-girls; and indeed I had often heard him tell it. "You +tell him you would like any one, and see what will come of it." There +was a pretty sun-burnt girl about fifteen years of age that had given me +a cock-stand. "That's a pretty girl Smith, I'd give a sovereign to have +her,—is she loose?" "Don't think so yet squire, she be skittish; her +sister's not fourteen, and they say she be in the family way, when one +sister takes to it squire, the others generally do." "Where do you pay +their wages?" I asked. The old fellow leered at me. "Why you be a taken +a leaf out of young squire's book sir (it was Fred's advice); I pays +them next at the root-stores," a shed about a quarter of a mile from +the farm-yard, and in which he had a desk. The women waited outside the +shed, each being called in and paid in succession. They were paid every +night, excepting in hay-making times. +

+

+At pay time I strolled into the shed. One by one he paid. The girl I +wanted came last. He told her he wanted her to take a parcel to +the village. "Yes sir," said she. Off old Smith went to fetch the +parcel,—it was the dodge, Fred told me so afterwards, the old goat +always adopted to get a girl left alone with him. +

+

+Very randy but nervous I went out with Smith, then strolled back into +the shed. The girl had seated herself on some loose straw, she got up +and curtsied. "Sit down my dear," said I, "you may have some time to +wait," and talked to her. "You are very pretty,—you will keep your +sweetheart waiting." Smiling she said. "I ain't got no sweetheart sir." +Another look or two, and my randiness getting the better of me, I began +chaffing suggestively, she sat down besides me, then I talked for +a quarter of an hour warmer and warmer, then kissing, tickling, and +pinching her legs. This did not seem to affect her, she enjoyed it; then +out I pulled my prick, and all changed at once. "Oh!" said she rising up +scared to go. I pulled her back. +

+

+"Let's do it to you." "I won't." "You've been fucked." "I ain't,—I +am only fifteen years old (she did not affect ignorance of my +meaning),—leave me alone." I threw her down, and got my hand up her +clothes. She loudly screamed, and that is all I recollect clearly; I +know that I struggled with her, offered her money, told her I knew her +sister had been fucked, and a lot more. I was so much stronger that +she had no chance, I rolled over her, she screamed, and screamed again +(there was no one nearer than the Hall), I exposed her bum, her thighs, +her cunt, and all she had. I was furious with lust, determined to have +her; at last she was under me, panting, breathless, crying, and saying, +"Now don't,—oh! pray don't," but I lunged fast, furiously, brutally, +and all I heard was, "oh! pray,—pray now,—oh!—oh!—oh! pray," as I +was spending in her holding her tight, kissing her after I had forced +her. Her tears ran down. If I had not committed a rape it looked +uncommonly like one, and began to think so as I lay with my prick up +her. +

+

+I got off her, saw for an instant her legs wide open, cunt and thighs +wet and bloody, she crying, sobbing, rubbing her eyes. I was now in a +complete funk, I had heard field-women so light spoken of, that they +were so accessible, that I expected only to go up a road that had often +been travelled. This resistance and crying upset me, the more so when at +length rising, she said, "I'll tell my sister, and go to the magistrate, +and tell how you have served me out." +

+

+I really had violated her, saw that it would bear that complexion before +a magistrate, so would not let her go, but retained her, coaxed, begged, +and promised her money. I would love her, longed for her again, would +take her from the fields, and every other sort of nonsense a man would +utter under the circumstances. She ceased crying, and stood in sullen +mood as I held her, asking me to let her go. I took out my purse, and +offered her money which she would not take, but eyed wishfully as I kept +chinking the gold in my hand. What a temptation bright sovereigns must +have been to a girl who earned ninepence a day, and often was without +work at all. +

+

+In an hour and a half I suppose, old Smith came back, he had really got +a parcel for her to take. She began to cry, and blurted out that the +gentleman had insulted her. "What, has he kissed you?" "More than +that,—boo hoo." "What has he done?" "Been dirty with me,—and I'll tell +my sister, and go to the justice." +

+

+"Pough child," said Smith, "he arn't done you any harm,—a gent like +him,—don't make a fuss,—make it up,—it's all fair yer know twixt a +young man, and a maid,—daresay yer wanted him to be dirty with you,—a +gent like him, you ought to be proud of sich a one making love to +you,—here, take this parcel, and be off." +

+

+"Take the sovereign (she had refused it before), I'll give you more +another day; it will help to keep you a while,—hold your tongue, and no +one will know," said I. She hesitated, pouted, wriggled her shoulders, +but at last took the sovereign, and took up the parcel, saying she would +tell her sister. Then said the foreman, "None o' that gal, an' I hears +more on that, you won't work here any more, nor anywheres else in this +parish,—I knows the whole lot on you, I knows who got yer sister's +belly up,—she at her age, she ought to be ashamed on her-self, and I +knows summut about you too,—now take care gal." "I've done nothing to +be ashamed on," said the girl, "you're a hard man to the women, they all +say so,—ohe!—ohe!" "Well there," said he dropping his bullying tone, +"the squire won't harm you; I think you be in luck if he loikes you, say +you nought;—that be my advice". The girl muttering went her way. +

+

+I followed her (it was getting dark), was so kind and coaxing, promised +her so many fine things (I'm not sure I didn't say I'd marry her), +that as we neared the village, the little lass let me pull her into a +convenient grassy corner, and fuck her again. She promised she'd say +nothing to anyone about it. +

+

+Next morning I had a fear, and was annoyed with myself. If the girl said +anything it would be all over the parish in the afternoon, and in my +aunt's ears the next day; all that for a dirty little farm-laborer. I +had had none of that sensuous delight which both mentally and physically +is found in getting into a virgin, had never thought of having her as +one, nor did I recollect much cunt resistance to my penetration; but she +certainly was a virgin. In my furious lust, and with my unbendable +stiff prick I must have hit the mark, and burst through it at one or two +cunt-rending shoves. She had given a loud cry in the midst of it, "Oh! +pray now,—oh! pray,"—but I had heeded it not. What excited me was her +youth, her size, and the idea of having a little cunt with but little +hair on it, something smaller than Molly's. In bed, thinking of, and +funking consequences, I longed for a girl still smaller, for one with no +hair on her cunt at all. On further reflection I calmed. She had taken +the money, and let me do it a second time; it was all right, and I rose, +and went to the scene of my exploit. +

+

+The girl was not at work in the fields, and my funk returned. "Smith," +said I, "is Nelly (let's call her Nelly) here?" "No, nor her sisters," +"Sisters?" "Yes there are two; one a woman called ——— very much +older, the other younger than Nelly, and the young un they says be with +kid." +

+

+I went to the farm-yard, there saw Fred talking to Molly, "Ulloh, you +have taken a letch there." "I'll have her," said he. Pender went across +the yard. "I would sooner have her," said I. "Aye, a damned fine woman, +but coarse, smells strong I should say when she sweats, or is randy, and +I like them younger." I was jealous about Molly, and walked away. Fred +joined me, and after dinner, I like a fool told him all about the girl +ravished in the root-shed in the Twelve-Acre field. +

+

+"Was she a virgin?—she is a plump little bitch,—you were in luck,—oh! +never fear there will be no row; the saying down here is, 'They all take +it by the time they have half-an-inch of hair on their cunts.' She will +be rather proud you have fucked her than otherwise. Has she much hair +there?—has she any bubbies?" I told him all I knew, which was but +little, not recollecting even if she had any cunt-wig at all. +

+

+Next day the two sisters were at work again. I told Smith that after his +dinner I wished to speak to the girl. The old cock-bawd told me to wait +at the root-shed; and the girl came there to fetch his handkerchief which +he left purposely. When she saw me how she started. No, she had told no +one, but was not going to let me do what I liked. A kiss. "I don't like +your hand on my legs,—oh! now you said you would not,—take your hand +away." +

+

+My finger was on her cunt, I was feeling what little hair she had, my +finger went up it, oh! how tight it was! "Now darling let me, I won't +let you go till you do,—there, what a dear little belly,—let me kiss +it." "They will wonder why I am gone so long,—my sister will be asking +questions,—do let me go." "No." "Oh!" I had her on the straw. "Be quiet +dear,—my prick's up you,—be quiet,—a—h!—ah!" +

+

+With her cunt well buttered off she ran. I buttoned up. Just then at the +door appeared Fred holding his sides and laughing. "What's up Fred?" "Oh +I—oh!—oh!" "What's the fun?" "Oh!—oh!—I've been looking at you fuck +the little bitch. I saw her go in, and you go to the shed an hour ago, +but did not know you were there then, so thought I would like the young +one; it's five days since I've had a woman, and as I was going in heard +your two voices, listened and looked till you had done the job." +

+

+"It's a damned unhandsome thing," said I in a rage. "You would have +looked at me if you had caught me," said Fred. "You leave the girl +alone, it's my manor." "All right, but I'll have little Molly, I have +given her a kiss." Off he went, leaving me jealous about that one as +well. He was treading on my heels a little too much to please me. +

+

+Four women I had poked now, being like a cock among hens, cared about +neither, but could not bear the idea of Fred going up them, though +I knew it was useless to try to prevent the young squire, the future +master, a fine officer. Pender said to me one day, "The squire means +harm to Molly; it's a shame for an officer like him to harm a poor girl; +I caught him kissing her, and putting his hands up her petticoats. I'll +tell Missus if I see any more of it." "Do," said I, "you tell my aunt." +

+

+So she did, and aunt requested Fred not to go to the farm-yard, and +Molly was all but locked up. In a few days Fred said it was damned slow, +and went to London. I for a change went with him. +

+

+My departure put Pender in tears, she did all she could to get me up +her, and before I left I got Molly into the loft on promising never to +ask her again, and there had my first good look at her belly and cunt, +and fucked her. Nursemaid I advised to avoid the page, or I would never +have anything to do with her more. She grinned and said, "What a loss". +Nelly I caught in the lane, fucked her and she promised to be chaste and +never let any other man put his finger on her. Then I departed with Fred +to virtuous London. +

+

+Before leaving, Mrs. Pender said, "I'm afeard I'm in trouble, my +poorliness ain't come on for two months now." +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER IX. +

+
+     Laura and Fred.—Vauxhall amusements.—A juvenile harlot—A
+     linen stopper.—The hairless and the hairy.—Ten and forty.—
+     A snub.—At my aunt's.—Nursemaid and page missing.—
+     Pender with child.—Molly and Giles caught.—Mr. Pender's
+     letch.
+
+

+Theatre every night, heavy lunches, heavy dinners, much wine, and cigars +never out of my mouth, that was the first few days proceedings. Fred +was keeping a woman named Laura of whom I shall say more; she was always +with us. I don't recollect having a woman for a few days, but it may +have been otherwise. On the fifth or sixth night we went to Vauxhall +Gardens to a masquerade. It was a rare lark in those days. A great fun +of mine was getting into a shady walk, tipping the watchman to let me +hide in the shrubs, and crouching down to hear the women piss. I have +heard a couple of hundred do so on one evening, and much of what they +said. Such a mixture of dull and crisp baudiness I never heard in short +sentences elsewhere. Although I had heard a few similar remarks when I +waited in the cellars of the gun-factory, it was nothing like those +at Vauxhall, and it amused me very much. There were one or two darkish +walks where numbers of women on masquerade nights went to piss, and many +on other nights. +

+

+At supper Laura said, "Where have you been the last hour?" I laughed. +"Tell us." "Hiding in the shrubs where ladies go by ones, twos, and +threes without men." Laura understood. "Serves them right, they should +go to the women's closets; but you are dirty." "Well it was such a lark +hearing them piddle and talk." Fred always coarse said he never knew a +woman piss off so quickly as Laura. Laura slapped his head. She had +not been gay, and was very modest in manner and expression; but loved a +baudy joke not told in coarse language. +

+

+The signal sounded for fireworks. Off we ran to get good places. I cared +more about women than fireworks, and lagged behind, seeing the masquers +and half-dressed women running and yelling ( fun was fast and +loose then). I passed a woman leading a little girl dressed like a +ballet-girl, and looked at the girl who seemed about ten years old, then +at the woman, who winked. I stopped, she came up and said, "Is she not +a nice little girl?" I don't recollect having had any distinct intention +at the time I stopped; but at her words ideas came into my head. +She,—what a small cunt,—no hair on that. "Yes a nice little girl," +I replied. "Would you like to see her undressed?" "Can I fuck her?" I +whispered. The little girl kept tugging the woman's hand and saying, +"Oh! do come to the fireworks." "Yes if you like,—what will you give?" +I agreed to give I think three sovereigns, a good round sum for a +common-place poke then. +

+

+She told me to go out of the gardens first, get a cab, and stop at +a little way from the entrance. In three minutes the woman and child +joined me. At about five minutes drive from Vauxhall we stopped, walked +a little way, turned down a street, and after telling me to wait one or +two minutes, she opened the door of a respectable little house with a +latch-key, went in and closed it. A minute afterwards she opened the +door, and treading lightly as she told me, I found myself in a parlour +out of which led a bed-room, both well furnished. Enjoining me to speak +in a low tone I sat down, and contemplated the couple. +

+

+The woman was stout, full-sized, good-looking, dark, certainly forty, +and dressed like a well-to-do tradeswoman. The girl's head was but a few +inches above my waist, and she certainly was not more than ten years, +but for such age as nice and fleshy as could be expected. She had an +anxious look as she stared at me, and I stared at her. The last month's +constant desire to have a cunt absolutely without any hair on it was +to be realized, I was impatient but noticed and remarked, "Why you have +gas!"—a rare thing then in houses. "Beautiful, is it not?" said the +woman, and in a voluptuous and enticing manner began undressing, +until she stood in a fine chemise, a pair of beautiful boots, and silk +stockings. Engrossed with the girl whom I was caressing, I scarcely +had noticed the woman; but as she pulled up her chemise to tighten her +garter, and showed much of a very white thigh, I said, "I've made a +mistake, I did not mean you." "No," said she, "but it's all the same." +She came to me, pinched my cock outside saying "oho" as she found it +stiff, and then undressed the child to her chemise. I had white trowsers +and waistcoat on, and was anxious about rumpling them; At my request she +drew my white trowsers off over my boots with great care; then divesting +myself of coat and waistcoat I stood up with prick spouting. "Look +there,—feel it Mary." The girl not obeying she took her little hand, +and made her feel it. Sitting down I lifted the girl on to my knees, and +put my hand between her little thigh. +

+

+"Give me the three pounds," said the woman. All my life I have willingly +paid women before my pleasure; but thought I was going to be done so +demurred, and asked if she supposed I was not a gentleman, took out my +purse, showed I had plenty of money gave her one sovereign, and promised +the others directly I had the child,—and then pulled off my boots. +

+

+We went into the bed-room, she lighted candles, the gas streamed in +through the open door. "Lay down Mary," said she. "Oh! he ain't going to +do it like the other man,—you said no one should again", said the girl +whimpering. "Be quiet you little fool, he won't hurt you,—open your +legs." Pushing her back, or rather lifting her up, there I saw a +little light-pink slit between a pair of thighs somewhat bigger than a +full-sized man's calves; the little cunt had not a sign of hair on it. +To pull open the lips, to push up my finger, to frig it, smell it, then +lick it was the work of a minute. I was wild, it was realization of the +baudy dreamy longings of the last few weeks. I was scarcely conscious +that the old one had laid hold of my prick, and was fast bringing me to +a crisis. +

+

+Pushing her hand away I placed my prick against the little cunt which +seemed scarcely big enough for my thumb, and with one hand was placing +it under the little bum, when the girl slipped off the bed crying. "Oh! +don't let him,—the other did hurt so,—he shan't put it in." +

+

+"Don't do it to her, she is so young," said the woman in a coaxing tone. +"Why that is what I came for." "Never mind, it hurts her, have me, I +am a fine woman, look," and she flung herself on the bed, and pulled up +her chemise, disclosing a fine form, and to a randy man much that was +enticing. "Look at my hair, how black it is,—do you like tassels?" said +she, and throwing up her arms out of her chemise, she showed such a mass +of black hair on her arm-pits, as I have rarely seen in other women, and +rarely in an English woman at all. +

+

+"What the devil did you bring me here for,—it was for her, not you, I +hate hair,—I like a cunt without hair." +

+

+"Have me, and look at her cunt whilst you do it,—here Mary," and she +pulled the young one to the bed cunt upwards. But disappointed, lewd, +and savage, I swore till she begged me not to make a noise, and saying, +"Well,—well,—well,—so you shall,—hold your tongue (to the girl), he +won't hurt you,—look his cock is not big." She pulled the girl on to +the edge of the bed again, and brought her cunt up to the proper level +with the bolster and pillows. Then said the woman, "Let me hold your +cock, you must not put it far in, she is so young." I promised I would +only sheath the tip; but she declared I should not unless she held it. +"Wrap your handkerchief round it," said she. I did so, and that +left only half its length uncovered. Impetuously I tore the white +handkerchief into pieces, wrapped round about an inch of the stem of +my prick with it, which then looked as if it was wounded, and bound up; +then hitting the little pink opening I drove up it. I doubted whether I +should enter so small it was. It held my prick like a vise, but up her +cunt I was, the woman promising the child money, to take her to Vauxhall +again, and so on, and then put her hand over her mouth to prevent her +hollowing,—she did not hollow at all really. +

+

+I spent almost instantly, and coming to my senses held her close up to +my prick by her thighs,—there was no difficulty so light a weight was +she. There I stood for a minute or two. "My prick is small now," said I, +"unroll the handkerchief." "No," said the woman. "I will give you ten +shillings extra if you do, my prick can't hurt now." The oddity of a +woman attempting to unroll from a prick a slip of white rag, whilst the +prick was up a cunt; but out came my prick from the little hole before +she could accomplish it. +

+

+Desire had not left me, holding the thighs open I dropped on my knees, +my prick flopping, and saw the little cunt covered with thick sperm. +There lay the girl, there stood the woman, neither speaking nor moving, +till my eyes had had their voluptuous enjoyment. "I will give you +another sovereign now, and then fuck her again." "All right," said the +woman. "But she must not wash." "All right". I gave it, then took the +girl up like a baby, one hand just under the bum, so that the spunk +might fall on my hand if it dropped out, and laid her on the sofa in the +parlour, where the gas flared brightly, opened her thighs wide, gloated, +and talked baudily till my prick stood again. +

+

+Then I lifted her back on to the bed, and rolled the strip of +handkerchief round the stem again; but I longed to hurt her, to make her +cry with the pain my tool caused her, I would have made her bleed if +I could; so wrapped it round in such a manner, that with a tug I could +unroll it. The woman did not seem so anxious now about my hurting her. +

+

+Sperm is a splendid cunt-lubricator, my prick went in easier, but still +she cried out. Now I measured my pleasure. With gentle lingering pushes +I moved up and down in her. Under pretense of feeling my prick, I had +loosened the handkerchief, then tore the rag quite away, and afterwards +lifted her up, and then with her cunt stuck tight and full with my pego, +and both hands round her bum tightly, I walked holding her so into the +sitting-room to a large glass. There seeing my balls hanging down under +her little arse, I shoved and wriggled, holding her like a baby on me, +her hands round my neck, she whining that I was hurting her, the woman +hushing, and praying me to be gentle, till I spent again. I held her +tight to me in front of the glass, her thighs wide apart, my balls +showing under her little buttocks, till my prick again shrunk, and my +sperm ran from her cunt down my balls. Then I un-cunted, and sat down on +a chair. We were both stark naked. +

+

+The girl sat down on a foot-stool, the woman sat in her chemise. I gave +her the remaining money, and to the little one some silver. Although I +had had her twice, I scarcely had looked at her; both fucks must +have been done in ten minutes. Now I longed to see the little cunt +tranquilly. "Let me wash her cunt," said I. "You can," said the old one. +I took the girl into the bed-room, she left a large gobbet of sperm on +the stool, which the old one wiped off. I washed her cunt, threw her +on the bed, and looked at the little quim. It seemed impossible I could +have been up it; but from that day I knew a cunt to be the most elastic +article in the world, and believed the old woman's saying, that a prick +can always go up where a finger can. +

+

+Then after cuddling her, straddling between her legs and feeling my +balls hanging between her thighs by passing my hand round her arse, +I laid her on the bed, took a glance at the little cunt from a slight +distance, and saw the old one in an exciting posture. She had thrown +herself on the bed, and resting her head on one hand was watching me. +Her chemise had slipped from her shoulders showing big white breasts, +and the black thicket of hair in one arm-pit. Her chemise was up to her +waist, one leg was bent up, the fat calf pressed against a fat thigh, +the other extended along the bed, the thighs wide open, the middle +finger of her left hand on her cunt, whose mass of black hair creeping +up her belly and along the line of junction with the thighs could not +be hidden by her hand. She was frigging her clitoris with her +middle-finger, and she smiled invitingly. "Come and do it to me, I do +want it so,—I have not had a poke for a fortnight." +

+

+My love of a fat arse, and a big hairy cunt returned suddenly. I stood +turning my eyes, first to the little hairless orifice, then to the +full-lipped split, then to the little pink cunt, and then back again +to the matured cunt. "Come, do me." "I must go." "Why?" "I came to have +her." "So you have,—now have me,—you can have her again if you like +after." "Can I?" "Yes,—oh! come, I am so randy." "It's late." "Stop +all night." I said I would. Off the bed she got, put a nightgown on the +child, laid her on the sofa, told her to go to sleep, and throwing off +her boots and stockings, got on to the bed again. +

+

+I threw off my socks. "Shall I be naked?" said she. "Yes, it is very +hot." Off went her chemise, and the next instant cuddling up to me, +she was tugging at my prick, kissing me, and using every salacious +stimulant. Though a hot night, naked as we both were we felt a chill, so +covered ourselves with a sheet. +

+

+"How old are you?" said I. "Guess." "More than forty." "I am not +thirty-eight, although I am so stout,—feel how firm my flesh is,—how +my breasts keep up." I threw down the sheet to see her fully. She was +delighted, turned round and round, opened her thighs, pulled open her +cunt, exposed herself with the freedom of a French whore, and by the +time I had seen all my prick was at fever heat, and I fucked her. Our +nakedness was delightful. +

+

+We talked afterwards. She was not the mother, nor the aunt, though the +child called her so; the child was parentless, she had taken charge of +her and prevented her going to the work-house. She was in difficulties, +she must live, the child would be sure to have it done to her some day, +why not make a little money by her? Some one else would, if she did not. +So spoke the fat middle-aged woman. +

+

+I was sleepless. After an hour or two I longed to see them side by side, +that strange contrast in age and size, to try the difference with my +finger as I had with my prick. She brought in the child, sleepy and +peevish, I plunged my prick in the little one, took it out, and put it +into the woman. It was a delight to feel the difference,—the room in +one, the confinement in the other's cunt. +

+

+The aunt annoyed me by putting her hand between our bellies to prevent +my penetrating too far. It was not the stretching, nor the plugging, it +was the boring too deeply which hurt the little one, she said. +

+

+I laid on my back and put the little one's belly upon me; stretching her +little thighs, I felt round them; and guided my prick up her, then the +aunt put her fingers round my prick and squeezed my balls. How funny to +have that little creature on the top of me; how funny to be able to +feel at the same time a big hairy cunt at my side. Such thoughts and +emotions finished me, and after spending in the little one, she again +went to the sofa, then with my arse to the aunt's arse we went to sleep. +

+

+She was the youngest I ever yet have had, or have wished to have. We +laid abed till about mid-day. I fucked as much as I ever did in my life, +and found that a tiny cunt although it might satisfy a letch, could not +give the pleasure that a full developed woman could. Tight as it was, +it had not that peculiar suction, embrace, and grind, that a full-grown +woman's or girl's has. When I was getting drier and drier, the old one +stiffened my prick, and I put it into the child; but oscillate my +arse as I might, I could not get a spend out of me; then in the aunt's +clipping though well stretched cunt, I got my pleasure in no time. A +fuck is barely a fuck if a man's prick is but half up a girl, it wants +engulfing. A very young girl never has the true jerk of her arse, nor +the muscular clip in her cunt; so if a languid prick be put up it, it +will slip out, unless the letch be strong; whereas a flabby, done-for +prick, once in the cunt of a grown women may be resuscitated, and made +to give pleasure to both, if she uses the muscular power which nature +has given her between bum-hole, buttocks, and navel. +

+

+We eat and drank, I paid liberally, and with empty ballocks and a flabby +tool went away. White trowsers and a black tail-coat were then full +evening dress at Vauxhall; but ludicrous in the day. I recollect feeling +ashamed as I walked out in that dress in the sun-shine. She would +not fetch a cab as she was most anxious about noise. She gave me full +instructions where to write and have the girl again. About a fortnight +afterwards I made an appointment, but she did not keep it. I went to +the house and asked for her; a woman opened the door. "Do you know +her?" said she. "Yes." "She is not here, and I don't know where she has +gone,—perhaps you're as bad as she is," and she slammed the door in my +face. A few years passed away before I took a letch for a hairless cunt +again,—and then I was a poor man. +

+

+We went to Vauxhall on an ordinary night, and I showed Fred where I had +heard and seen the girls make water. Laura I got to like, and she to +like me which led to something at a later date. In about three weeks or +more I went back to my aunt's, through an indefinable longing to poke +in a quiet intriguing way, the women I had had there. In London I had +changed my women twice a day, and fucked every nice French women who +walked in Regent Street. +

+

+My mother was again going to see my aunt, and was delighted that I would +go with her. Fred had gone to Paris with Laura, and wanted me to go, but +money was getting short with me, for I had been heavily robbed, and as +ten pounds a day (a large sum then) was the usual cost of Paris to me, I +declined, and to the old Hall went with mother. +

+

+I did not see nursemaid or page. "You have a new nursemaid for Joey," +said I to my aunt. "We dismissed the other, we found her to be an +improper character,—and Robert has gone,—he was too big," said she. +For two or three days I could not get Pender, who looked miserable when +I met her, shook her head, and looked up to the skies. I went with my +mother and aunt to the farm one day, Pender for a second stopped behind, +and said to me in a hurried whisper, "I am in the family way," and +then ran after my aunt. +

+

+Next day I saw her for a second. "Meet me next Sunday at———." "I +must," said she. We had no opportunity of speaking before, for her +husband or some one was always in the way. To make sure I next day +slipped an envelope into her hand, in which was one addressed to myself, +and a scribble asking her to say where I was to meet her. It came back +by post containing in execrable writing the words, "My dear, same time, +and place, if he be out, on Saturday night." I did not comprehend, but +waited outside her cottage that night. She did not show. On Sunday I +went to ———, and long after eleven she appeared. Soon we were in the +room over the beer-shop. +

+

+"I am in the family way, whatever shall I do?" I had thought over this, +and replied, "Well, you have a husband, so it does not matter." "I don't +think he will believe it's his." "He can't say it is not, and will be +proud of it." "That may be true, I did not think of that," said she, and +until I had fucked her I learn't no more. +

+

+I referred to the change in the servants at the Hall. "Oh!" said Pender +eagerly, "there has been a row; do you recollect the nursemaid?—well +they saw her feeling—hoh! hoh!"—she burst out laughing,—"feeling +the page's thing,—hoh! ho! ho!" "Feeling his prick?" "Yes,—ho! ho! +ho!—and Missus turned her and page out the same night,—ho! ho! ho!" +laughed Pender. "She was a dirty hussy." "Why?" "Why a woman like that +to be taking liberties with a boy like that, a hobble-de-hoy; poor Molly +told me that one day when he came here he pulled out his thing before +her." "What, Molly?" said I, thinking the young girl had had manifold +temptations. "Yes, poor thing." "Why poor thing?" "Well I am sorry for +her; I told Missus about the young squire as you told me, and Missus +told her mother to look sharp after her,—and so she did, and found that +she used to get out of a night and meet Giles,—you know Giles?" "No I +don't," said I lying. "He works here sometimes, you must have seen him," +said Pender. "No." "Well he works here, is a likely young chap, but +Molly's mother hates him,—well she watched and watched, till one night +she caught them, and him on top of her in the large barn,—he had got +through the wicket on the far-yard wicket." "How could she do that?" +Pender explained to me what I knew perfectly well. +

+

+"On the top of her?" "Yes they were a doing it.—and she hit him hard on +the head with a stick, and nearly stunned him before they knew she were +there." "Who hit?" "Why her mother, he were nearly insensible." +

+

+"Then Mrs. Brown asked me what to do, and I said he had better marry +her, and she said he should not. So she went to Missus, asked her +advice, and on account of Molly's character to say nothing about finding +Giles taking liberties with her daughter. Missus said Giles at the end +of the week was to be sent off,—and he's gone. Mrs. Brown scarcely lets +Molly out of the house, and when I sees her I laughs to myself. That +a young thing like that has had it done to her. Her mother told me you +know,—I have sworn to tell nobody, but I don't mind telling you." "She +has seen two pricks," said I, "page Robert's and Giles' ". "Yes she +has." +

+

+I wondered whether he had spent when he felt the stick on his head. "I +think he had," said she, "for Mrs. Brown said she found his stuff on her +child's chemise. Every day there is a row between them, Molly says she +will go to service, her mother says she shan't, and that she will turn +out a bunter, and bring her in her age with sorrow to the grave. Poor +thing." +

+

+"Pugh," said I, "why make such a fuss about such a natural action?" +"Well it be natural," said Pender, "but she might have waited, she is +very young." +

+

+In the family way Pender was, and by me,—of that I had no doubt. Pender +thought it was done the first time I had her in the rick-yard. "Did +he not do it about that time?" I asked. Pender hesitated, and on being +pressed to reply at length said, "It's funny, I am always thinking about +it, but it is a fact that he did it that very night; and when you +have done it, he generally do it also that night. I can't account for +it,—can't abear him to do it when you have,—can't abear his doing it +at all now, and he does it more than he used." "You spend with him?" "I +don't,—I hate him then, I hate him altogether since I have known you." +

+

+Now for a bit of experience which I write now, and years after I wrote +this chapter of my narrative. I had a married woman who was fond of me. +She assured me that whenever I had her, it was perfectly certain that +her husband would do it to her that night. She thought that my fucking +acted as a charm to fetch the other man. He neglected her for other +women, and used, although a young vigorous man, to do it but rarely to +her; but whenever my sperm had suffused itself in her cunt, his went +there the same night. "You spend too then?" said I. "I do," said she, +"I think so much of you, so much of the coincidence and go home so +wondering whether he will do it or not, that directly he pulls me about +I think of you, and then fancy it is you doing it to me, not him, and I +spend. I am angry with myself afterwards, but can't help it." +

+

+Pender had said her mother was unwell as an excuse to get to———, so +must be back quickly. She was lying speechless, with eyes closed and my +prick up her, I silently reposing on her, when the clock struck. Up she +jumped, uncunting me, saying, "I must go, I am to fetch the dinner from +the bake-house, then I must get back home, unless P. comes," and rapidly +off she went scarcely dressed, and without washing her cunt. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER X. +

+
+     Nelly and Sophy.—The beer-house again.—Sophy's belly.—On
+     the road.—Against a tree.—At the baudy house with Sophy.—
+     Her narrative.—Tom and the three sisters.—Fred on the
+     scent.—Pender's troubles.
+
+

+I had some food at an hotel, then returning on foot saw at the end of +the lane two peasant girls in their Sunday finery. I looked at first +without recognizing them, but as I got close saw one was Nelly, the +girl I had raped. She stopped, I smiled. "You here, why?" "Taking a walk +sir." "Come with me." She hesitated, looked at the other girl. "Never +mind," said I, "bring your friend with you." Two minutes brought us to +the beer-house again. "Stay here," said I. I went to the side entrance +which was up a yard, told the woman who stared when she opened the door +to me to show the girls up the other way. They came through the shop, +and stood curtsying when they came into the little sitting room. +

+

+I wanted Nelly when I saw her, and hence what I did; but was embarrassed +now, for with the other in the room I did not know how to proceed +without compromising her; so sent for some spirits. They sat sheepishly. +I said to Nelly with the view of getting rid of the other, "Perhaps your +friend would like to call for you presently." "She is my sister," said +Nelly. Impulsively I cried, "Your sister?"—"why she is the girl who was +in the family way before she was fourteen." +

+

+"Oo—h!" said Nelly's sister, "what a lie,—what a shame to say such +things of a girl,—who said so?" I was disconcerted. "I heard it, but +can't recollect who." Nelly never spoke, but sat looking at me with her +tongue out on one side, and a funny expression in her eye. "I'll go," +said her sister. "Don't go," said Nelly, "the gent's asked us in, and +will be offended,—won't you sir?" "Yes," I replied. +

+

+The liquor came, I dosed them with it, and a letch for the sister came +over me. "She in family way, that young thing,—is it so?—how I should +like to see her belly." My conversation got warm, then baudy, the girls +got warm, and laughed at my smut. From kissing one, I got to kiss the +other, then to pinch, poke and feel their legs, I spoke about women +being in the family way, made light of it, wished I was so myself, and +so on, and they let out as the liquor worked, and I questioned. +

+

+The younger was a little over fourteen years old, Nelly only eleven +months older. Said I, "A girl can't be in the family way before she +is fourteen." "Oh! yes she can," said Nelly. "How do you know?" She +laughed. I plied the liquor, got the young one on to my knee, and my +hand up her clothes. A yell, a threat to go, "nonsense," from Nelly. +Then I shoved my hand up Nelly's petticoats,—which she permitted +quietly. Then I had a strange whim. +

+

+"Stand close together with your backs to me, and put your hands behind +you, and I will give you something before you go; then each shall ask +the other to guess what I have put in her hand." They did, and expected +money. I pulled out my prick and balls, one girl's hand I guided under +my balls, the other's round my prick. They touched at the same time +and knew what it was, and turning round, "It's his thing," said the +youngest. +

+

+"You knew it was a man's prick," said I. "you have felt one, and one has +been into you,—let's feel your cunt, do,—you are in the family way, I +know you are." +

+

+Then I sat between them, talking outrageous baudi-ness with my prick +out. "Come into the other room," said I, "and let me see if you are in +the family way, and I will give you this (producing a sovereign); if +you are, or are not, you shall have it." She refused, but eyed the +sovereign. Said Nelly, "Well, I wish he would ask me." "So I do, but she +shall come first, you afterwards." The girl asked, "How will you tell?" +"My dear I shall lay you on the bed, throw up your clothes, look at +your belly, and feel your cunt." "I shan't then." "Then you won't get +a sovereign," and I put it bye. "I'll go with you," said Nelly, but +I would not accept her offer. There was a pause, the sister sat +reflecting, her gaiety was gone. +

+

+Soon afterwards I renewed the request. "Let him," said Nelly, "he won't +talk, he don't know people in the village." The girl shook her head +sullenly, Nelly looked at me nodded her head, and put her tongue out. +I did not know what it meant, at last guessed. "Is she?" I asked. Nelly +kept on nodding. "Well Nelly says you are in the family way." The girl +began to cry. "What's the good of crying?" said Nelly, "you can't hide +it long." The girl kept silently crying. I persuaded, Nelly persuaded, +and at last she came into the bed-room. I could feel the poor little +girl's hard belly, lifting her clothes I opened her thighs and looked; +then she resisted, but a little only. I frigged her, kissed her a +little, coaxed her, and then fucked her. She spent freely. It's my luck +to get sisters. +

+

+"Tell me Sophy all about it,—how long since you were got in the family +way?—your sister will wait." +

+

+She counted on her fingers and said, "Four months and about a week." +"Are you sure?" "Yes." "How can you tell?" "I have never been done but +on one day." "Nonsense." "It's true." "Do you mean that once putting it +up you got you in the family way?" "I didn't mean that," said she, "he +were only once with me, but he did it all night, and nearly all the next +day." "A dozen times?" "Don't know, I was so ill, so sleepy." "Who is +the father?" She shook her head. "I can't say,—dare not,—it would +be worse for me if I did." "What are you going to do?" "Go to the +work-house if they won't keep me," said the poor girl crying again. She +was rather watery headed. +

+

+It was an exciting termination to the day. After frigging her till she +was in the seventh heaven, I fucked her again. It was the same bed I had +fucked Pender on. +

+

+"You've been an hour," said Nelly when we went in, "what have you been +doing?" "Nothing but examining." The girl stuck to that also. "Oh! +gammon," said Nelly. +

+

+"You come now," said I. She would not, was sulky, and another hour went +away. It was getting late, I pulled Nelly into an open-legged posture +over mine as I sat on the chair, and lifted her clothes. Her back was +to her sister. I got my cock between her legs, it rubbed her thighs, but +she slipped away, turned sulky, and would not let me fuck her, though I +felt her. They left, and I directly after. +

+

+When clear of the town, and on the road it got dark, I joined them and +learnt where Sophy lived, and could be met. Because Nelly would not let +me I felt a want for her and made baudy requests. She got randy, and +told Sophy to go ahead. Then I got her up against a large tree, and +straddling my legs wide to get into her, found it difficult as she was +short, but was poking her with vigor when we heard footsteps and voices. +"Oh!" said she, "let me go, it's so and so." Although I held her on my +peg, grasping her bum, and hoping to spend before they came up, I being +empty was long about it, so she uncunted me, and slipped away just in +time. It was two or three men she knew, who seeing girls ahead ran after +them, I dodging round the tree as they ran past. They over-took the +girls, I followed at a distance sufficiently near to hear their low +chaff, their attempts to kiss the girls, and the yells of the sluts when +they attempted more. +

+

+When I saw Pender again I heard that her husband had for some reason +gone to ——— on the Sunday she was there with me. He stayed, and took +his wife home. "Did he do you?" said I. She colored up. "It be a fact he +did,—it be most curious. I were hot with running, and fetched the meat +from the bake-house. After dinner he said, 'Well you do look comely, you +do today, where 'as you been?', and he pulled me on his knees, and put +his hands up my clothes,—and in all my life he never had done such a +thing afore in daytime. Says he, 'Lass we'll have a game at mother and +father.' Said I, 'Why P., you must have been drinking,' He pulls me down +on to sister's bed which were in the corner of the room, and I would not +let him. He says, 'Don't make a row, for I means it', and so I let him +do it" +

+

+Such games went on until full Autumn, I was always after one or the +other as fancy led, or opportunity offered; but was obliged to be more +and more cunning, for fear I should be found out. Although I had heavy +fucking at times, yet had good rests between. It was a jolly time, but +mainly with three of the four women now. Nelly got the most of my cock +at first, Sophy very soon after. +

+

+The little one in the family way had taken my fancy. I fucked her in +the lane and fields, but mainly upright, the grass being now damp. One +evening we went to the baudy house. I had pleasure in fucking her, but +she was always crying. "Why do you meet me?" said I. "To get money to +help me if they turn me out." "When?" "When they find I am in the family +way." At last but with difficulty, I got out of her much about her +seducer and give the narrative as near as I can in its order. +

+

+"Yes it is a big man, a fine, tall man, and quite a man, not old, not +young.—Oh! I dare not say who, it would be worse for me (a cry),—you +won't tell Nelly,—how came you to know my sister?—do you do anything +to her?—now do tell me." "Well tell me your history, and perhaps I will +tell you about Nelly." +

+

+"Well he got into bed with me saying, 'It's cold,—and it were,—let's +lay here, it will be no harm, no one will know.' I said I would hollow, +but there was no one in the house—Now I am letting out, and I won't." +She stopped, and would not tell more. +

+

+Persuasion, kisses, promises, and she answered my questions again. "He +cuddled me, he was big and strong, and I could not help it; and then he +pulled up my shimmy, and his shirt was up, and he put his belly close to +mine." "Then his prick was up against your belly?" "I shan't say," said +she with a modest fit, no sham. "Was it?—was it just as my prick now +is?" Her story was exciting me, I pulled her belly up to mine, and my +prick, a right good stiff one was between us. "I suppose it were," said +she, "I don't recollect, all seems in a muddle, he hurt me dreadful, I +screamed, he put something over my mouth, and I don't know no more; but +he was doing it right up, and I were hollowing,—and then I cried." +

+

+"Are you sure you cried out?" "I hollowed I know, but I knowed there +was no one to hear." "Then you were in the house alone?" "Yes." "What +house?" "I shan't say,—Nelly is always asking, and I won't say,—you +won't tell her, will you now sir, what I have told you?" +

+

+"I don't recollect more," she went on, "but he lay on me, oh! a long, +long time." "Not up you?" "Yes oh! a long time." "Did he keep on +fucking?" "He kept on a doing it and stopping,—no he never pulled it +out, at last I fainted or slept I suppose, for when I recollect more he +was out of bed. Then he got into bed, and he did the same I can't say +how many times. When it were day I said, 'Ain't you going to work?' and +he said, 'No. If any one comes they will think I am gone, and if you say +a word if anyone knocks I will murder you.' Then he got up, and showed +me his razor, and said, 'Do you see that?—I bloody well mean it, mind.' +Then he got into bed again, and he did it again." +

+

+"Did you like it?" "I don't know, I was all pain, but I think I must at +last; I was so muddled like and ill I could not move. Then he dressed +and says, says he, 'If ever you tell I'll cut your bloody throat; now +you say you were ill, and stopped at home from work', and he went away +to his work." I guessed she had been raped. +

+

+Another day I had Nelly, and questioned her. She said she wanted to +know, but did not; she guessed, but dared not say. Sophy had said there +would be murder if she told who the father was, but she guessed. She was +only eleven months older than Sophy, who must have been in the family +way just before she was fourteen, had had her courses when thirteen +years old, and was "hankering after the chaps" quite early. "Mother +used to slap her for it." Nelly's courses had only recently come on, she +said. +

+

+Sophy although younger and slighter built, had more hair on her cunt +than Nelly, and gave me the idea of being older. Neither were tall, both +were larger in their thighs, haunches, and bubbies, than town girls of +the same age, as far as I can recollect. +

+

+I can't recollect the order, but only the broader features of this part +of my amorous history. I think that after the Sunday when I had Pender +and Sophy I could not get to Pender, for the farm-yard from morning +to night was full of laborers; so busied myself with Sophy, who two or +three times the same week met me at ——— and what I have narrated was +told me there. It delighted me to hear about her virgin offering, it +made my cock stand. Then I would fuck the little wench, and make her +arse wag like the tail of a duck that had a thwack with a stone, then +would question her again. If she said she should say no more, I used to +remind her of what she had let out on the previous night. What delighted +my sensuous imagination, was the evident fact that the man was big, and +with a big prick, and must have kept it up with her without uncunting +till he had fucked her three times. Her praying him to go, trying to get +from under him his grasping her to him so that she could not move, his +laying quiet on her, then commencing his shoves,—all proved it. He +seems to have began his assault on her about nine o'clock one night, and +never went out of the bed till two o'clock the next afternoon. +

+

+"Has he ever done it since?" "Never, he has never had a chance; he has +tried to catch me coming home, but I always come with some one else; he +has asked me, but I never would." "I dare say you egged him on; had he +never made a baudy sign? Never shown you his prick?" "Both Nelly and +I had seen that," said she, "we looked through the key-hole if we +heard—." Here she stopped short, and nothing would make her go on, she +saw she was on the point of giving the key to the riddle. +

+

+I advised her to get as much money as she could, and then if unkind she +might snap her fingers at them. She had kept all I had given her. I had +a feast with her of rump-steak and onions one night; she eat till she +could eat no longer. I toppled her up with hot spirits and water, and +then tumbled on to the bed with her. She was very communicative, I +frigged her about till with a sigh she said, "Oh! let's do it." +

+

+"Tell me who did it to you then, and I'll give you another sovereign +to keep you through your confinement; feel my prick, and tell me." She +reflected, she was so lewd, I knelt on the bed, my prick standing stiff +in front of her face. "You won't ever tell anybody" said she, "will +you?" I swore I would not. +

+

+Rubbing her eyes she hesitated, then said, "Tom." "Who is Tom?" +"Hester's husband." "Who is Hester?" "My sister,—oh! don't tell, or +he will murder me." I saw the whole story at once. In another minute we +were fucking. Afterwards she told me all. +

+

+There were three sisters, Hester married Tom, a laborer; Sophy +lived with them, Nelly lived with their mother. Tom and Hester had +a two-roomed cottage, in one they slept, in the other, which was +sitting-room and kitchen, was a bed in the corner, where slept Sophy. +The mother was dangerously ill, Hester went to assist Nelly attending +her; so Sophy was alone in the house with big Tom, who took the +opportunity to put his big prick into Sophy's little cunt, get her in +the family way, threaten to murder her if she ever told, to turn +Hester into the streets, and do any other amount of deviltry. Sophy was +frightened of Tom and at first of her sisters knowing about her swelling +belly, till it was found out. All was quite probable. I believed it +implicitly. The size of Tom's prick, and the number of times he had done +her were all described with modesty. I pitied the girl, and resolved to +help her. Tom bore I found a bad character, and Hester no better, had +been confined soon after she was married. The child was dead. All three +sisters now lived with Tom since the mother's death. +

+

+"You knew all about fucking long before he did it to you." "Of course we +did. Nelly and I often talked about it, Hester told us what pleasure it +was; we could hear Tom and Hester doing it. Nelly if sleeping with me +used to listen. They used to hang a cloth before the door,—there were +cracks in it,—if they did not, we could see through if there were +light, and sometimes they forgot. Nelly and I have both seen Tom's cock +that way. Once he showed it to me as it were by accident; he was in the +privy, and he called out to me to bring him a leaf. When I took it him +his cock was out and stiff; he grinned, I looked, he took the leaf, and +ran a hole in it with his finger, and put his cock through the hole, +then he said, 'If you tell Hester that, she will turn you out.' So I +never told, but I told Nelly. He did the same to Nelly one day, but we +held our tongues." +

+

+That is all I have to say about Sophy here. I had her from time to time +until within three months of her confinement, for simple curiosity. I +had no pleasure in it when her belly got big, but I kept her in money. +

+

+Nelly I also had. She came a saucy, lewd, low-tongued little bitch; but +I liked her fuck. I found her larking with men, and stroked her more +than once in the lanes. One night I caught her by surprise, and saw some +male going off in the dark as I thought. "That was a fellow with you," +said I. "No it was not." But her cunt had a most unusual wetness. I +hesitated, and said that some one I thought had just wetted her. She was +confused, denied it, and whimpered at my suspicion. I again felt her, +and putting my fingers and thumb together was sure it was spunk, and +turned away; but felt so randy, that I turned back after her, wiped her +cunt with my handkerchief, made her piss, and then fucked her up against +a fence. +

+

+As I relinquished my hold of her bum I heard something fall with a +chink. "Oh!" said she, "I have lost some money." It was very dark, I +picked up the money, could not see what it was, but was sure from the +feel it was gold, and said so. She had got it back before I made the +remark, and would not let me feel it again. "You told me you hid the +money I gave you." "I've been carrying it about for fear of its being +found." I told her she was lying. +

+

+I had been out that day with my gun. On returning found Fred had come +down from town, and been there all day; he had had a quarrel with Laura. +I don't know how it struck me, but I asked, and found he had only just +come in and said to myself, "He has fucked Nelly, it was his money she +dropped, it was his sperm." I did not tell him so then. +

+

+The farm-yard now was never empty, they were thrashing in the barn. +Molly was scarcely visible, and if in the yard her mother was at her +back. When I did see her I winked at her and she laughed. She was +growing wonderfully, and my desires turned to her. I had Pender one +night or so; but a few hurried words, a smooth of the buttocks, a +hurried grope with the finger, a silent kiss or two, shove, shove, shove +like a steam-engine, and a pull out of my prick almost before the spunk +was well out, was all I could get. +

+

+I was out shooting most days, and would walk across the farm-yard just +to see if the coast was clear. After several Sundays had passed I got +Pender again at the baudy house. P. took her being in the family way +rather grumpily, and she hated him since she had been with child. She +loved me, begged me to take her away, where, how, she cared not, so long +as she knew that I alone could have her; she would live alone if I only +came to see her once a month, she said. +

+

+I was sorry for this. What had been pastime to me was going to be misery +to her. I had to show her the impossibility of my keeping her; then she +said she would drown herself. Altogether it was not a very comfortable +meeting apart from the fucking, which was as good as usual I dare say, +though I don't recollect much about it. +

+

+Fred went backwards and forwards to London, I did occasionally, but not +on his days, for he was in my way. I did not tell him now much about my +little games, and got most of my women when he was absent. My mother +and sister also went home, and I was glad of that, but it made it +more needful for me to walk and drive out with aunt and cousins. I +was constantly scheming and dodging how to get one or the other of the +women, and that seemed to give zest to the affair; but I think now that +the pleasure I gave the girls when I had them had much to do with it. +Sophy and Nelly now came after me, as much as I went after them. Each +now knew that I fucked the other. "When did you do it to my sister?" was +a frequent question put by both of them to me. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XI. +

+
+     Out shooting.—A female carter.—A feel in the train.—
+     Molly in London.—Giles in town.—Fred on the scene.—Molly
+     at the Hall.—Copulation in uniform.—A sham illness.—An
+     afternoon with Molly.—She turns harlot.—Gets clapped.—Her
+     baby.
+
+

+I was in wonderful condition. Early to bed, out-of-door exercise, good +plain living, everything to make me so. I felt as if I could fuck all +day. If one day I had neither of the women, the next day my prick stood +from morning till I got to sleep at night. When standing quietly in the +woods waiting for the driving of the game, I used if alone to pull out +my prick and look at it, and thinking of cunt forgot to fire at the +rabbits. Once I recollect shooting at a rabbit with my prick out of my +trowsers. +

+

+Among the laborers I had seen was a strapping woman with big legs, +withered face, and parchment skin, middle-aged, yet not actually +bad-looking. The old foreman had said to me, "She ha been the biggest +whore in the parish, I bet that there beant a man but what have had she +when she were young. The first chap as had she, were the banker; she say +it herself. I be sworn she likes a bit yet when she can get it." She was +as strong as a horse, if no one were handy, she would groom a horse, was +often driving a farm-cart, and had the reputation of having whored since +she was fifteen years of age. +

+

+Waiting with my gun by a ride one day, my prick throbbing in my +trowsers; I pulled it out, and felt it, laid down my gun, and in the +trembling state of erection I was in had determined to frig myself; +when I heard the wheels of a cart which soon came in sight. I saw it +was driven by this woman who sat on a shaft with her legs dangling, and +showing her big calves. Lust made me indifferent to consequences, had +it been my grandmother I think I should have done the same. There was +a cunt between those legs, that was enough. I forgot her age, position, +the risk I ran of beaters coming, and everything else; I only thought of +how to ease myself. +

+

+I nodded, "Good morning mother, come and help us a bit," and out stood +my cock in front of her. She laughed, and jumped off the cart which +stopped. "Come here." "No," said she standing still and grinning. I +winked and turned to the left out of the ride, she did the same. Without +preliminary, almost without a word, I laid her on some grass drier than +the rest, and had as good a pleasure out of her as I ever had in my +life, or thought so. She went off with her cunt full, I tipped her. In +a few minutes I was banging at the rabbits again. I don't think I was +three minutes about it, and never had her again nor spoke to her, though +I occasionally saw her and winked. +

+

+"I hait heard much of your gun squire," said one of the game-keepers, +"there ought to have been lots o' rabbits pass you in this beat." I said +I had scarcely seen any,—how could I? +

+

+Rainy weather set in, Nelly and Sophy were available but al-fresco, +copulation impossible, and the long tramp or ride to ——— to the baudy +house not to my taste. I had now no excuse for going to the farm, and no +Pender. So one morning I set off for London. Just as the train started +Molly and her mother appeared; she put the girl into a third-class +carriage. At the first station the train stopped at I got into the +carriage with Molly, who opened her eyes wide when she saw me. We were +soon in conversation. Molly was going to an aunt's in London who was to +meet her at the Terminus. You may guess which way my talk ran. I kept +whispering lewd things in her ear. An elderly stern-faced woman got +in at a station, fixed her eyes on us, especially on me, and at length +said, "Do you know that young woman?" Her coolness nearly settled me, +but I said I did, kept on talking, and was delighted when about two or +three stations further on she left with the remark to Molly, "Take care +of yourself my gal, and don't have anything to say to strange men or +women." +

+

+There are tunnels on that line. There were no lights then in third-class +carriages. In one tunnel I kissed her, and on my kiss being returned, +got my fingers on her cunt, and kept them there till approaching light +made me withdraw them. It was a cold foggy day. I sat close to her +wrapped in a travelling-cloak, and partially covered her with it and +with my rug. I got her hand under my cloak and with the pretense of +warming it, gradually introduced my prick into her hand, and there I +kept it a quarter of an hour, she looking in such a fright all round at +the people every now and then, but enjoying the warmth of the feel. Just +before entering London is another tunnel, I had another grope at her +warm quim, and arranged my clothes. +

+

+I got her London address, and entered a cab, determined to follow her, +and see if she was deceiving me. She waited, no one appeared to meet +her, one or two men spoke to her, and as she told me later asked her to +go and have drink. Then I got out. "No one is here," said I. "Come +and have some wine, you can say you waited ever so long should they +come,—there is some error about meeting you." +

+

+How could she refuse? Already had her fingers been playing round my +cock, mine still smelt of her cunt. Telling the cab to wait, and putting +her bag inside it, in three minutes I had her in a baudy house close by +the Terminus (I dare say it's there now), and Molly's little cunt was +again moistened by me. If her mother had known the risks, she never +would have allowed her the journey to London. +

+

+When our heat was cooled by two hours dallying, kissing and fucking, +she got uneasy about being found out. We put our heads together for an +excuse. The address was Paddington, she was to say she waited an hour at +the station, then made a mistake, and went to Islington, and not +finding the street there came to Paddington. The excuse turned out good, +Paddington and Islington looked much alike on the scrawl. +

+

+I have often wondered at the rapid success I had with country women +at that time. With women whom I saw daily, and with whom I had much +opportunity, such as mother's servants, I was a long time getting my +aim; but at that period of my life I was often diffident; even with gay +women, a slight thing would at times make me cease speaking to them. But +here I no sooner attacked than the females fell to me. I attribute it to +the suddenness and impetuosity with which I made at times my advances, +and the boldness with which I proceeded to baudy extremities. When I was +once lanced, I was so strong, so lewd, that I am sure I communicated my +lewdness to them by some subtle magnetism, even before I spoke. Then I +was a London swell, a relative of the lady of the Manor, there was the +pride which women of the humble class have, in being singled out for +notice by a London gent, all these told. But my baudy, rapid assaults, +lustful cunning and an innate power of stirring up voluptuous sensations +in women when once I spoke, got me them more than anything else. When in +the country, I was thinking of nothing else, and had nothing else to +do but to hunt down cunts, and feed myself up for fucking them. When in +London the game was different. +

+

+Molly's aunt was a greengrocer. Molly did not keep her promise to meet +me, so I went to the place, saw her standing in the shop, and beckoned; +she shook her head. I passed and repassed, on foot, then in a cab, till +I thought the whole street would know me. At length she came out and +said, "Aunt won't let me out alone, mother's told her not; I can only +stay five minutes." She wanted a post-office,—could I find her one? I +did close by. She slipped a letter into the box, and begging me not to +come near the shop, went back. I asked her to write me, and arranged to +send my letters to this post-office. I wrote twice, and got no reply. +Angry I wrote that I must see her, and had something to tell her; then +I got a scrawl in reply. She met me, and I took her to a house near her +aunt's. +

+

+Molly did not like me. When I got her into the room, she refused to let +me have her, and begged me to tell her what I had heard. I invented some +nonsense; and she said that was not what I had to say, she was sure. I +recollect sitting and talking with my prick out, and she looked at it +sulkily; but she resisted me. I said, "How is Giles' head?" "What," said +she, "who told you?" "Nobody knows but me," said I. (It was one of the +most blackguardly things I did in my life, and am ashamed of it.) She +shed tears, but no longer refused me. I gave her a sovereign saying, +"That will be useful when you marry." +

+

+I made her meet me again, and then she told me she would go to service. +She went after a good many situations I know. I fucked her whenever +she went out. She was getting hot-arsed, and she liked the poking. One +morning I passed the shop, and saw loitering about in the streets in a +velveteen costume. Giles. She had written to him I was sure. +

+

+I dodged them in a cab, saw her come out, and as fast as they could they +went to a low coffee-shop where there were beds. I daresay my money paid +for their refreshments. +

+

+Going to the street one day, there to my astonishment I saw my cousin +Fred walking about. I was in a cab, and he did not see me. I asked +Molly the next time if she knew if Fred was in town. She said no, seemed +astonished, and I believed her; but I was sure Fred was after her, and +could not imagine how he had found out her address. Laura perhaps took +the starch out of him, for I never saw him in the street again. Molly +now got fond of money. One day I took her to a baudy house near the +Haymarket, feasted her, and fucked her till I was empty, and she full. +Then I went back to the country to see my aunt, and soon again I got +Pender. Said she among other gossip, "That gal Molly Brown will give her +mother trouble, she has been after a situation in London, and her aunt +says has been seen going into a house with a man, Giles has left the +village, her mother believes he is after her, so she has sent for her +back." Sure enough in two or three days there was Molly, looking as +fresh as a daisy, and as modest as a whore at a christening. +

+

+The mother told no one anything except Pender, and Pender told me. Molly +then went to the Hall assisting whilst a servant was ill, and then I saw +her every hour or so. Then Fred came back, and I saw he was making up +to her, and told him of it. He acknowledged it, remarking it was a pity +such a nice young girl should not taste the sugar-stick. "Perhaps she +has," said I. He thought not, there was a country lout she wanted +to marry, and the mother looked after her closely. "I would give a +ten-pound note to have her," he said to me one day. +

+

+Shortly Molly appeared ill and pining; her face lost its bloom, I could +not understand it. The bad weather keeping people at home had given me +no chance of having her; if I saw her alone it was only for a minute, +but I used to pull my prick out and show it to her. I have done it in +the corridor, my aunt walking in front of me. I tried to get her to come +out, but she would not, besides Fred always appeared on the scene. My +delight was to get in the way when I knew there was the best chance of +his seeing her alone. So we baulked each other. +

+

+There was some military inspection not far from us, Fred was going in +his uniform, with my aunt, cousins and self, and all but two servants +were allowed to go. The carriage was at the door when I was taken short, +and being in my bed-room ran to the W.C. As I came out, I saw Fred at +the end of the corridor near the stairs, walking quickly but quietly, +and heard his footsteps descending to the Hall. "What's up?" thought I. +He has been dressed a long time, why on the first-floor now? He passed +his bed-room without going in. A suspicion crossed my mind, and being +close to it, I put my ear to the nursemaid's door (the one with two +doors in which I had had the skinny nursemaid), heard a rustling, and +quickly opening the lobby-door connecting with the servants' stairs, I +saw Molly looking hot, flushed, adjusting her collar and hair, and going +downstairs rapidly, she didn't see me. Instinct told me she had been +fucked by Fred. +

+

+I rushed downstairs, Fred and all were in the carriage, aunt angry at +waiting so long for me. I told her my ailment, said I would ride after +them directly I felt better, so off they drove. The butler and Molly +were in the Hall, they and the cook the only people in the house. I sent +off the butler to the village to get me some medicine, and said to Molly +in a stern way before him, as if I had never seen her, "Are you doing +the housemaid's work young woman?" "Yes sir." "Arrange my room as +quickly as you can, for I am not well, and shall lay down there." "Yes +sir," said she looking so hard at me. "Do the room at once," said +the old butler. Off she went. I saw him go off on his errand, and ran +upstairs to my bed-room. There was Molly. I bolted the door, and pulled +out my prick. Never had Molly resisted me more, she struggled, fought. +What would happen if some one came? She would be ruined. "No one can +come my darling, all are out but cook, and if she misses you she will +think you have ran down to your mothers." But she struggled on, begged, +implored, she would meet me; she would do anything if I would desist +then, she was poorly and could not. It was useless. I had been against +my will chaste for some days. The fascination of the prick overcame her, +she yielded, I threw her at length on the bed, mounted, fucked, and in +half-a-dozen thrusts the job was done. +

+

+I recollect keeping her under me, and with my dawning senses what I +had seen a quarter of an hour before came through my mind. Prick up her, +and leaning on one elbow, I looked at her long; the possibility of +my prick then laying in Fred's spunk mixed with my own, instead of +horrifying; me as it would have done, had I thought about the matter +before in a cool state of mind, sent a delightful tittillation through +me. I grasped her firmly, drove my prick home again, and said looking +her in the face, "Fred has just fucked you." +

+

+"Oh!" said she with such a start that she uncunted me, "oh I what a +wicked story,—let me go." But I was flat on her, she writhed, said I +was insulting her; but my prick drove on, it hit, and went up. "I +am sure he has,—shove, shove,—I saw him—shove—leave the +room—shove—and you came out the other door,—shove, shove, +shove,—lay quiet,—shove, shove, shove." "Oh! let me go." "I +shan't,—shove,—wriggle,—shove,—oh! my love,—ah!—ah.—a! +oh—o!—ah!" Our wet lips met, and the final wriggle settled +our movements, sighs and conversation. She was quiet enough now, +tranquillized by her pleasure. +

+

+"Oh! if some one comes." "I will say you are not here, and no one can +enter. Fred has just fucked you." +

+

+"It's a lie," said she rolling off the bed, and going off quickly with +her cunt full. +

+

+The butler came back with the medicine, I threw it down the closet, and +went down to the dining-room. In an hour or so, I rang for some tea (how +was I to get him out of the way again?). I went to my bedroom, rang; +up came Molly. "Let us do it again." "I won't, you have insulted me." +"Bring me a great can of hot water." Then I rang for all sorts of odd +things, making believe I had a bad attack of colic, showing her my prick +each time, till she let me do it at the edge of the bed. Her cunt had +been well washed. We were quiet, afraid of being overheard, a woman +knows how to avoid being compromised when she has once intrigued,—but +the poor girl was in an agony of fear. +

+

+"I've been into the nursemaid's room," said I, "and there is the mark of +some one having been on the bed-edge." "Well it's not me." She stuck out +that she had been in the room alone. "Why there at all?" She had only +passed through the room to piddle. +

+

+In the afternoon I called the butler, and sent him to the village +again, to get me another mixture. In the dining-room I rang, and Molly +answered. "I am going to ring in my room again," said I, "you come." No +she would not. I went up and rang. +

+

+The cook answered my bell. What a baulk! but I was equal to it,—the +cook had no business to come up, it was Molly's place. "Do you think +that Mrs. Brown or Pender, or some one on the farm has got anything good +for diarrhoea?" "I'll go and see," said she good-naturedly. I knew she +must be gone ten minutes, or a quarter of an hour. +

+

+I followed her downstairs, soon rushed into the kitchen, bolted the +kitchen-garden entrance, laid hold of Molly, whose horror was extreme at +the idea of being caught, and I fucked her in the butler's pantry, where +he slept. With my cock dripping as I pulled it out, I ran up to my room. +She had just had time to unbolt the door before the cook appeared, and +she brought me some medicine from Mrs. Pender, which of course went down +the closet. +

+

+I went to my bed-room, revelling in the intrigue of the day, and +wondering how often Fred had had her, and whether that day was the first +time. Whenever my cock grew stiff I rang for Molly, and showed it to +her. She grew demoralized at the constant sight of the cock, but there +was no time for a fuck; I promised her a new bonnet to get me another +opportunity. In a couple of hours she came, I had a voluptuous caprice, +turned her belly on the bed, her rump towards me, for a fuck from +behind. She objected, "What are you going to do? You can't do anything +like that." "Yes my love, easily." "I don't like my clothes up like +that." Two or three times I had to turn her round before she was quiet, +and then we consummated. Molly was astonished. She had never been tailed +in that attitude before I am sure. +

+

+It was about eleven o'clock when Fred and the others had set forth; they +returned to a late dinner. I had fucked Molly five or six times. Then I +went to bed, my aunt and cousins came up to me, and were so kind. So was +Fred, who told me all about the inspection, and never suspected my game +in the least, nor any one else. The last words I said to Molly that day +were, "Fred has fucked you." Again she swore that he never had. To keep +up the deception and excuse my staying at home, I had eaten scarcely +anything all day, and felt I recollect awfully hungry when a bed. +

+

+The empty pleasure of occasionally showing my doodle to Molly was all I +could get afterwards. Nelly or Sophy—I forget which—I got to the baudy +house at———; whichever of the two it was, came half wet through with +muddy boots and under-linen which so upset me that I did not poke. The +servant who had been ill came back to the Hall, and Molly left. I had +Pender (whose belly was then showing its intentions awfully) up against +the gate opposite her cottage one wet night (but "cock and cunt will +come together"). Said she in the slight interval between our meeting, +fucking, and parting, "If that gal Molly is not in the family way,—her +mother's found it out,—oh! such a row." That accounted for Molly +looking depressed. +

+

+Soon Molly went again to London, and I did the same day, but not in the +third-class carriage. We spoke at the station. "For God's sake go," said +she, "aunt's coming." "I'll write to the post-office," said I, and did. +Then she met me, she got a situation directly, but I tempted the girl. +"Tell your aunt you are wanted a week earlier than you are, and come and +stop with me." The devil was with me, Molly got into a cab with her +box, and was set down at a station; there I got her into another, and we +drove to a small hotel where I had taken a room. She only stayed with me +five days; I took her to theatres and other places, but not out in the +day; fed her up, and fucked her and myself out. The sheets were always +slobbered with spunk and once or twice I made the woman change them. +Molly had become lecherous, and no doubt reckless, and I had the delight +of teaching her baudiness (which is the main pleasure a virgin gives you +over a gay women), but she did not care about me. She was often crying, +but a little friction on her clitoris usually cured that. On the last +day I asked her if she was in the family way? She admitted it, and went +to her situation. "I think it's you who have done it," said she to me. +I told her it must be Giles. +

+

+She stopped a fortnight in her situation, then went no one knew where. +Pender told me when I went back. I was sorry, went to town hoping to +find her, and wrote to the post-office. By some chance—perhaps to get a +letter from Giles—she went there. A week afterwards my landlady said +a young woman had called on me. "A lady?" said I. "Not at all, an +overdressed young woman." It was Molly, who called again. I went to her +poor lodgings, she fenced my questions, said she meant to go back to her +mother's. Pressing her as to how she lived, she said she had the money +I had given her. "But your bonnet, your clothes,—what do you do of a +night?" She could not evade it, Molly had turned whore. I never knew who +had put her up to getting her living by her cunt; but a fellow-servant +had left with her, and had got the next room to hers. +

+

+A woman who takes to whoring takes to lying. I could not learn exactly +how long she had stayed at her situation, or much about her movements. I +stayed with her the night, she let me pull up her clothes, and open her +thighs with a freedom she never had done before; from which I inferred +she had had more than one prick in her split since I had been up her +last; she was voluptuous, and her cunt was unusually juicy. +

+

+I went back to my aunt's sorry, for I seemed to have been largely the +cause of Molly going astray, and did not know then that a gay life is +as happy as that of the wife of a farm-laborer. Restless I went again +to London, saw Molly who looked fearfully wretched, would neither let me +fuck, nor feel her, and then broke out in an agony of tears, saying she +was ill, something was the matter with her. "With your cunt?" "Yes," +said she, "do look." Poor Molly opened her plump thighs, stretched open +her cunt, and gave me every facility. Her quim was in a high state of +inflammation, and it had a discharge. A medical student who saw her said +she had the clap, and gave her medicine. "Oh! do look again, tell me if +I am very bad,—shall I be worse?—oh! I am so sorry I did not keep at +my situation," said she. +

+

+Once in my life since, another girl made me a similar confession, and +those are the only two who confessed to an illness at the time they had +the illness on them. +

+

+I told her she could be cured, but horrified her with the description +of the disease to which she might be subject, took her to a doctor, paid +her lodgings, counselled her to go home, to hold her tongue, and refuse +to tell any one anything, excepting that she had left her situation. She +promised, but was frightened of her mother. +

+

+She said she had never been into the streets since I had left her. I had +a fear of the clap, and did not intend any commerce with her; but lust +overcame me, and we fucked all that night to the damage of the sheets +again. I wrote an anonymous letter to her mother, telling where the +girl could be found. She came up to town and took her back. Molly's cunt +proved to be all right. +

+

+A woman is such a fool that she must tell some one everything. Mrs. +Brown told Pender about the anonymous letter, and Mrs. P. told me; but +I don't think any of them knew the girl had been on the streets. Molly's +belly soon afterwards showed, Mrs. Brown thought better of Giles, he +married her and they went to live a few miles off. She had a child, and +every one thought it was Giles' begetting. I suppose he knew nothing of +the girl's pranks, for luckily a cunt cannot speak. Then Mrs. Brown left +aunt, and Pender and his wife came to live in the farm-yard. +

+

+When it became known that Molly Brown was delivered of a child, my aunt +remarked (Fred told me) that she was not married a bit too soon. "I had +that little devil two or three times," said Fred, "and on the first day +I was in uniform. Do you recollect Walter, the day you were ill?" And +he told me how it came about; but I never told him that I had had her; +I never spoke of having had a woman, if I thought I should injure her, +whatever my desire or vanity might have been. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XII. +

+
+     Nelly and Sophy.—Nelly at the Argyle.—In town with Fred.—
+     On the sofa with Mabel.—The effect of black stockings.—
+     Interference.—In bed.—Mabel's bad habits.—A ladies'
+     school.—The bathroom.—My cousins naked.—Maria the
+     curate's wife.—Cunt inspection.—Servants washing.—Flat
+     fucking.
+
+

+I may as well finish about Nelly and Sophy, although the occurrences I +now narrate happened some time afterwards. Nelly got in the family way, +told me I was the father, and told Fred he was, for he had had her. We +both cheeked her, and said that half a dozen might claim the honor. She +and Sophy left the village. Sophy I never heard of or saw again, that I +recollect. Two or three years afterwards, I was at the Argyle Rooms. A +woman looked at me, smiled, and pointed me out to another woman, then +came up smiling and said, "Don't you know me?" It was Nelly, who had +become harlot by profession. I was then a poor man, but slept with her +at Brompton. She had heard I had ruined myself. I had her afterwards +once or twice, but soon gave her up. Harlotry was successful with her, +and I could not pay her price. Though she was a swell woman, she did not +want me to pay at all, but I was proud. She always declared that I had +had the first of her, but could not say I was the father of the child. +Mrs. Pender now had a chance. At night there was often no one in the +farm-yard but her, she could therefore go into the barn when she liked. +Her husband finding the dark nights dull went frequently to the village +Public; then I used to enter the big barn from the rick-yard, she having +left the wicket open, and she had a good bombasting on the straw and +hay. But I grew tired of her big belly, liked a bed and nakedness, and +to see and feel in comfort the cunt I was to bestow my attention on. +Fucking on straw was all very well with a new piece. I could generally +not tell her face from her arse, excepting by feel, for of course we had +no light in the barn; so I grew tired, and gave it up. +

+

+Then Fred and I went to town, he to see Laura, I to get promiscuous +fucking, and other amusements. Laura who was one of the few women of +her class whom I have found to be well educated, had a female friend +stopping with her from her native place Plymouth. Her name was Mabel, +a pretty modest-looking girl. Laura had given out that she had married +Fred, and this girl had been entrusted to keep her company. I tell the +tale as it was told me. I dined with them daily, and in fact all but +lived there. +

+

+One night we went to the theatre, and back to Fred's, had a jolly +supper, and got as merry as sandboys. It was a cold foggy night, I said +I would not go home as it was about three A.M., and would sleep on the +sofa. Our conversation had been pretty warm. Fred remarked that I had +better sleep with Mabel. Laura was surprised at Fred. Mabel laughed, and +baudy insinuations passed without baudy words. Fred said he should go to +bed, and off he went. Laura expected Mabel to go to bed, but she put +it off laughing and joking. Laura got angry, Fred came out in his +night-gown swearing if Laura did not come, he would go out, and get a +woman; and off Laura went. Fred wanted a fuck before he went to sleep. +

+

+Mabel and I sat talking, both heated and randy. It got colder, she got +sleepy, I would not let her go, so she laid on the sofa. I drew a chair +to her side, and both drinking whiskey and water time rolled on. "Oh! I +wish I were Fred," said I. "Why?" "Because he is between Laura's thighs, +belly to belly, how warm, how delicious this cold night." "Oh! for +shame!" "Nonsense my dear, quite natural and proper, we are made to keep +each other warm, and give each other pleasure." "When we're married," +said she. "Married,—pough!—then millions would never taste the +pleasure." My words grew warmer, I kissed, and was kissed, edged myself +on to the sofa, little by little felt my way from her ankles to her +thighs, and behold me smothering her with kisses, with my hand on her +cunt, her hand on my prick. +

+

+A modest woman will let you take liberties much more readily if you kiss +her whilst taking them. Sit at the foot of a girl on a sofa, and try +to force your hand up her clothes, she may resist you; sit close by her +side, bend over her, kiss her, and at the same time your hand may find +its way to her cunt, almost without hindrance. +

+

+So was it now. Mabel was scarcely modest. I recollect the conviction +coming over me that she was no virgin, and if I had doubts before, the +way my finger slipped from her clitoris up the love-pit and plugged it, +confirmed them. She lay with her eyes fixed on me, palpitating gently +with voluptuousness. Her petticoats up to her knees, I saw legs in black +stockings, one in wrinkles, the other half-way bagging down the calf, +and her feet in shabby slippers. +

+

+I had at that time a horror of black stockings, which affected me at +times so much as to deprive me of all desire. Once with a gay woman who +had black stockings I was unable to poke her, spite of her blandishment, +till she put white ones on. As I now saw Mabel's legs a disgust came +over me, desire left me, and my prick began to shrink; I may have been +tired, or had had my sperm drawn too much the night previously; that is +likely enough, I don't recollect; but know I got nervous, a fear lest +she should doubt my manhood, a sense of shame overcame me. I tried to +rally, but in vain, for once that nervousness on me, it vanquished me. +I ceased to probe her quim with my finger, my prick shrunk out of her +hand, and the titillation ceasing, Mabel turned away her eyes, +repulsed my hands, and drew her clothes down, looking at me full. I sat +speechless. +

+

+"Are you ill?" said she. "Yes," said I overjoyed with the suggestion, "a +faintness came over me, and a giddyness,—I shall be better directly." +

+

+She believed it, gave me cold water, and we sat for a time. I looked at +her beautifully white neck, thought how white her bum must be, tried to +get the black stockings out of my head, but could not. It must have been +past four o'clock in the morning when I asked her to lie down again, but +she refused; the spell had been broken, the weakness gone, and she said +she should go to bed. +

+

+"Is your bum as white as your neck?" said I. "Laura says I am the +whitest fleshed women she ever saw, all the girls at school used to say +so." +

+

+In my mind's eye I saw the white bum and thighs, my lust came back at a +rush. "Let me see it," I said, and I laid hold of her. The flood-gates +of my baudi-ness were loosened, and as she afterwards told me, I let fly +a torrent of voluptuous words, enough to have excited the passions +of all the women in London. I had forgotten the stockings. She kept +refusing, denying and evading me. "Hish! hish! Laura will hear you." +Laura did, and came in her night-gown. "I came to see if you had gone to +bed," said she. "You need not have troubled yourself," said Mabel. "As +long as you're here I shall look after you; when you're at home you can +do as you like." "I'm quite old enough to take care of myself." They +quarrelled. Mabel resented her interference. Fred roared out from his +bed-room, "What the devil are you going in there for?" and Laura not +replying, came in in his night-shirt. After an altercation Fred and +Laura went back to bed. +

+

+Then Mabel said she should go to bed, must go up for five minutes, but +would be down again. "To piddle eh?" Taking off my boots I blew out one +candle, took the other, followed her, and opened the door. She was on +the piss-pot. I closed the door, and locked it. Five minutes afterwards +I was on the bed fucking her with her legs in black stockings, and five +minutes afterwards uncunting, the first words I said were, "I loathe +black stockings." +

+

+"I can't bear them myself," said she, "but I am in mourning." People in +mourning wore black stockings then. +

+

+She was anxious for me to go, so that Laura could say nothing positive, +whatever she might think. I would directly I had her again. We got +into the bed together, and I had her, and then again. That is all +I recollect, and that after the fuck we both fell asleep, and were +awakened by a knock at the door. It was late in the morning, and broad +daylight, Laura was knocking. I opened the door. Laura looked at me, and +then at Mabel, and said, "Well the sooner I send you back the better." +There was a somewhat bitter row between them, short but sharp, in which +Mabel gave as good as she got. Laura went away. Mabel turned round and +wept; then we fucked, and went to sleep again. +

+

+This is the only point in my history with Mabel much worth noting, +except that when I knew her from top to bottom, and found she got out of +bed, and washed her cunt after my sperming it, I asked her, "Why did you +not wash the first night?" "Because it's unlucky," said she, and I never +got any more out of her; but she had known the sensation of a prick in +her cunt before mine, that I found out the first night. +

+

+She was a well-arsed, well-made, plump girl about twenty-one years old, +and had a wonderfully white skin. She had been fucked before, but I +believed from all I learnt from her, Laura and Fred, that for two years +a prick had not entered her. A man who had paid his addresses to her had +deceived her, then cleared off, I expect after tailing her. +

+

+I did not profess to keep Mabel after this, but paid for the +second-floor rooms (Fred had taken the upper part of the house, three +bed- and one sitting-room), and my share of the living, and slept with +her almost regularly for a short time, gave her money, dressed her, and +did all a man does who keeps a woman; but I never cared much about her, +and was not constant. +

+

+She like Laura was fairly educated. A few months afterwards she went +back to her native town, and although she wrote to me, I never saw her +again, and had some idea that Lord A.... kept her, why I shall tell +further on. One reason of my being indifferent to her was that she never +properly washed herself. Her beautiful white flesh never seemed to need +it, but I did not like a woman who just smeared her face and neck, and +never below. I told her of it, and she was offended. +

+

+About three weeks after I first had Mabel, Fred and I went to shoot with +some friends at——shire; it was towards the end of November, all the +leaves were well off the trees. +

+

+As said I had female cousins by several aunts, two of them about +seventeen or eighteen years of age were at a finishing-school for young +ladies. It was a large old-fashioned house kept by three ladies of whom +one had been married a year, although then forty years old, to a curate +about sixty-five years old. The sisters unmarried were between fifty and +sixty years old, stern and stiff-rumped. Maris the married one, fat and +forty, with jet-black hair and merry hazel eyes, had been disappointed +in her youth, and when this clergyman, whom she had known all her life, +proposed, she accepted I suppose for companionship, and because it gave +her consideration in the neighbourhood. +

+

+The house was originally a very big old mansion, large enough for two +schools, and had been roughly divided by walls and partitions into two +houses. The smaller was inhabited by Maria and her husband, and the +kitchen-garden was attached to it. All access to the pleasure-grounds +of the other, or school-part of the house, was bricked up. In an +establishment for young ladies, all of a fuckable age, and none without +hair on their cunts, it would never have done to leave male access, not +even to a curate sixty-five years old. The gardeners were elderly men, +they came round by the house to go to the kitchen-garden, which supplied +both houses. Mrs. Maria used to go round to the school daily. +

+

+The air of the neighbourhood was fine, and although not professing to +lodge people, if any of the female relatives of the young ladies at +the school desired it, they could go and stop for a week or two at the +curate's, of course paying for so doing. +

+

+Fred and I had invitations to shooting not far off, just as my aunt went +to stay a week at Mrs. Maria's and to see her girl. Our friends could +accommodate Fred only, and sooner than be separated, and for other +reasons, we wrote to the old curate to know if he could receive us two +men,—and my aunt as well,—which he did. We took up our quarters there. +I had unpacked, and went into Fred's room. "Here is a jolly cupboard," +said he opening the door of one big enough for four people to stand in. +"If a woman were sleeping here, she would always be thinking some one +was hidden in it; it's a jolly place for boxes and clothes." He was +hanging up something, when he stopped and listened. "Damned if there are +not women laughing," said he, "hish!" But he heard nothing more. +

+

+Two or three minutes afterwards he said, "Here Walter," and both +listening heard the voices of women, but very indistinctly. Fred lighted +a candle. Said he, "Here is an old door screwed up, it leads into a +room. What a lark to get it, open, or a hole through it; nothing I so +like as to hear what women say, when they think no one hears them." +

+

+I suggested it was unfair, it might be his sisters' room. "It don't +matter," said he, "it's all in the family." He went to dinner, and then +back to his room. He at once got to the closet, undid his gun-case, and +taking out the gun-screw, tried to loosen the screws of the door, but +could not. Off he went to the village, came back with a screwdriver, +and with some labor opened the door. Then we found ourselves in another +empty place nearly as big, and at the end of it rough boards nailed +across a frame horizontally, and as we supposed covered over on the +other side. It evidently had been a passage, and when they separated the +house, they had screwed up the door into the room of which we did not +yet know the use, leaving the door at the end next Fred's room as it +was, and had fixed up some woodwork across the end of the passage, thus +making the large closet at one end, and the empty space at the other. We +were dusty with our job. +

+

+After breakfast next day, aunt, Fred and I went round to see his sister +and cousin. We saw their bedrooms accompanied by them and aunt. We were +in fact shown over the house. Fred had previously looked well at the +outside, to see how the windows ran. "What is that room which is shut +off?" "Oh!" said his sister, "that is a bath-room; look, such a nice +one." We entered it; it was the room up to which the passage at the back +of the closet led. Fred winked at me, and when we got back he roared. +"Oh! lord, we shall see them naked,—the boards have twisted, there are +cracks next the bath-room,—we'll run a knife between one, and through +the canvas and paper; then we will see through,—oho! ho! we shall see +the girls bathing,—there are two or three damned fine girls." +

+

+Had it been servants, I should have been delighted at a peep; but to rip +a hole to spy on young ladies, and one of those his sister, revolted me. +"Damn it Fred, it's not the thing, one is your own sister." "Pough! you +have seen their cunts." (It was not the two I had seen.) "Ah! those +were children." "Well ——— and ——— are only larger, and have hair +on their cunts, and you need not look." "But if we are found out, we are +disgraced; if it were at an hotel or elsewhere, I would not mind." +"It won't be found out." "They will see the crack in the paper." "They +won't, they will think it split by the boards warping, if they do; +besides there are cracks and some shelves up, I know exactly the place." +

+

+Nothing stopped him, and after boring, prodding, and getting a chair to +stand on to find the right place, he at length made some cracks a few +inches long with a knife, and we saw day light through the bath, towels, +clothes-pegs, and a large cane settee or sofa. I would not look at +first, but so weak is man's nature concerning a woman, that at length I +did, and a thrill of pleasure shot through me as I thought of seeing the +naked girls, and strange enough I recollect a feeling of curiosity about +the figures my two cousin's would cut if they were naked. I thought of +the quims of his sisters some years before, and wondered what difference +between these and those. +

+

+Carefully locking the closet we went out. When we returned Fred peeped +at every opportunity, but saw nothing that day. The next morning Fred +awakened me. "Get up, they are going to bathe, a servant is filling +the baths." It was a cold dark morning. "I shan't." "Don't," and off +he went. In a minute or two however I was by his side. We saw two +young ladies enter, strip, and take their baths; the candle-light was +imperfect, but we saw them rub their bodies dry, and scrub the wet off +their cunts; we saw their hair above and below, and all their little +secrets. They were, we afterwards knew, sisters. +

+

+"I shall burst," said Fred, "how do you feel Walter?" I was maddened by +desire like him at the sight of the fresh, modest, naked girls cleaning +themselves so unsuspectingly; all this in whispers. +

+

+Another girl or two came in, they hurried through the operation as if +they did not like it. "Here is Carry," said Fred. I peeped and in came +my two cousins. "Lord what a lot of hair she has got on her cunt," said +my shameless cousin. "It's a damned ungentlemanly thing Fred." "Well +don't look then," said he. But I did,—I could not help it; my sense of +honor was strong, my lust stronger, and I saw both naked. "Holloa! here +is Mrs. Maria,"—it was. She stripped. A fine round, plump, middle-aged +woman with a mess of black hair between her thighs, that would have +sufficed to stuff a sofa-squab. Fred was smitten. "I'll be damned," said +he, "if I would not sooner have her than all the others." I could not +get his eyes away to let me have a full look, so much was he taken with +her. Indeed when she put one leg on the chair, and rubbed the towel well +round her cunt and arse, showing two big, well-set globes, and round +arms and thighs, the black hair in her arm-pits, the black hair below, +she looked in the feeble light not more than thirty years old, and as +fine an arm-full as a man could desire. "What a pity she has never been +fucked," said Fred, "I'll swear old ——— can't do it to her,—he can +only frig her." +

+

+Only four or five ladies took a morning bath; we saw the same on two or +three mornings. We were shooting all day. Fred then went to shoot with a +friend some miles off, I stopped with my aunt at the Rev.———'s house +till his return, and walked out with them. Fred went away on a Saturday +afternoon, I went to my bed-room, thought I would have a peep into the +next house, and went to Fred's room (he had left me the closet key), and +saw the bath-room quite bright with a large fire. I asked for a fire to +be lighted in Fred's room which was bigger than mine, observing that it +was so much better to write in than mine; then making a great display, +I sat down to write letters, locked the bed-room door, and stationed +myself at the crack in the closet. +

+

+Oh! what an evening! It soon became evident that the whole household +would wash that night. The young ladies came in mostly one at a time, +sometimes in pairs, the mistress came in from time to time. The ladies +came in, in loose gowns, a chemise and slippers, all but undressed. +Everything was quite decorous, the mistress mostly present. Each girl +would deposit her gown and chemise on a chair, turning her rump to the +other, and get into the bath. When they left it, they stepped out, +and came straight to the spot where I could best see them, their cunts +towards me, and began to dry themselves. Servants came in and emptied +the baths. Some used only a foot-bath. All was done so quietly and +demurely that I could scarcely hear a word they said; no girl was +supposed I think to see either the bum or belly of the other. +

+

+Once when the mistress left, a pair of girls were together, and threw +off reserve. One time they got into the bath together, and smacked each +other's bums. The younger girls had come in first in the evening, the +elder ones later. The mistress did not come in with the elder ones. This +pair talked about my cousin and me. They stood in front of the fire; +one tripped across the room, and bolted the door, then each one in +succession put a leg on the chair, and they looked at each other's +cunts. Able to bear it no longer, I frigged myself, and may as well say +at once that having begun so, I went on. From half-past eight till about +ten o'clock did bathing go on. I looking, and frigging myself as often +as my cock stood. I saw in succession nearly all the ladies, and four +female servants. +

+

+Most of the girls who took cold baths in the morning did not come in at +night, my cousins excepted. Every one had hair on her cunt. I knew and +recollected some for years afterwards, and when I saw them walking out, +or in the ground from our bed-room window, and when my cousins came in +to dine with us at the Reverend's house, bringing two of the other young +ladies with them; I recollected the look of their bums and bubbies, the +quantity and colour of the hair on their cunts as well as if it had been +my own prick. I could not converse, my eyes went from one to the other +of the girls as their charms rose up in my mind, my prick throbbing. +Aunt noticed my silence, and joking me asked if I was falling in love. +

+

+It was difficult to hear the conversation; what I did was for the most +part chaste, and about trifles, the only exception was the two girls who +looked at each other's quims, and stood near me, half facing the fire. +It ran something like this: "I wonder if men look at each other's +things." "I dare say they do." "Boys do, Miss Y.... said she saw two of +her brothers rubbing each other's things hard." "Law!" "Yes." "Is it not +funny that the man's things should be put right up ours?" "Lor yes." +"It seems nasty." "I wish you could ask ——— to let us see that book +again." "I have, and she has not got it now." "It was fun." "Yes,"—and +they both laughed. "Make haste, they will wonder why we are so long." +"Ring the bell." "Yes." "Open the bolt." "Hish! here is some one.". +

+

+The servants came in two by two, the mistress came in with the first +pair, and told them to put the fire out, When she had gone, "The old +skinflint," said one servant, and put coals on after saying 'yes' to her +mistress. To me it was always more exciting to see a woman in stockings +and boots, than quite naked. The young ladies had come in undressed from +their rooms; the servants came dressed, bringing candles with them. They +were full-grown women, I felt more pleasure in seeing them gradually +undress and uncover. One, a middle-aged woman, said aloud, "I shall only +wash my feet, it's so cold." She took water out of the big bath, put +it into a hip-bath, pulled off her shoes and stockings, tucked her +petticoats up to her thighs, and washed her feet by the fire. She was +a big-limbed woman, I could not see her cunt. I had seen a dozen that +night, yet because I could not see this one's cunt I seemed to long for +it. The other had stripped, and got into the bath, and I could see her +naked. She was ugly and middle-aged. I would sooner have fucked any +one of the young women than her, and yet I recollect feeling the most +furious baudiness about her, and frigged looking at her. +

+

+Then in came two strong-looking women, but much younger, "Stir the +fire,—don't make a noise, or there will be a row about coals," said +one. "They are all a bed," said the other. Both stripped to their +chemises, one went to the bath. "I shan't wash after cook," said she, +and she let off the water. "The water won't be warm, they have drawn off +so much." "Then I won't wash." she replied. Then one woman stood by the +fire with her back to it, and lifted up her chemise to warm her arse. I +saw it sideways as she stood, boots and stockings on. +

+

+The other came to the fire. "It will take five minutes to run clean +out," said she. Both drew chairs in front of the fire, sat down and +raised their chemises, one edged closer to the other, inclined her head +to the other's thighs, and kissed it, then looked, and placed her hand +on the cunt. I could not see the cunt, her back hid it, for she had +turned her back to me; then the other one's hand crossed and the two +women sat feeling each other. I don't think they said a word, if so I +could not hear it; their heads were from me. They sat for three or four +minutes, kissing and feeling each other. +

+

+"Is the door locked?" said one quite aloud, and getting up went to the +door, and tried it. Then one laid her clothes on the big settee, and +laid down on her back, the other threw up her chemise, kissed, and +perhaps licked her cunt. I only know her head covered the cunt, and then +she mounted her. I thought it must be fun, for although I had once +seen a woman on the top of another, and had heard of such things, I +was incredulous. Now I saw them together like man and woman, sometimes +between each other's thighs, sometimes with legs interlaced, and hands +grasping each other's buttocks, the thighs of one raised up round the +other's limbs, the mouths meeting, the backsides wriggling and twisting +without ceasing. If they laid so one minute, they remained in each +other's embraces nearly half-an-hour, sometimes quiet, then wriggling +again. I heard not a sound, don't recollect hearing kisses, or anything; +but it was difficult to hear, unless they talked loud. +

+

+The light went out, there was a glimmer from the hot fire. Said one +getting off, "Is there no other candle?" "No." "You must get down to the +kitchen for one, we can't go up without light." Off went one, slipping +her gown on first. The other gently stirred the fire, sat down, put her +hand on her cunt, and frigged it. I can't say if she had pleasure, but +her head fell back, and one side her face was then towards me. I saw it +all by the flame of the fire, which she had poked. The other came back +with two bits of candle, and they went away, having put on their gowns, +carrying their other clothes with them, neither having bathed. Then I +went off to my own bed-room, frigged out. The loudness with which the +servants talked, compared with the young ladies, was very noticeable, +though when on the top of each other on the settee at the end of the +room, I could not hear a word. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XIII. +

+
+     Fred on flat-fucking.—In town with Laura.—Back at the
+     school.—Pictures for young ladies.—Fred's ankle.—Mrs.
+     Maria's weakness.—To London alone.—Laura and Mabel.—Three
+     in a bed.—A risky poke.—Groping for the pot.—Nearly
+     caught.—Fred joins us.
+
+

+When I awakened on Sunday, I thought I had been dreaming, the images +of a dozen and more modest naked women passed through my brain. I could +think of nothing else, waited at the gate to see the young ladies go off +to church, and followed at a distance, walking with Mrs. Maria. I tried +to guess from the backs of the ladies which was which, every now and +then looked at Mrs. Maria, thinking of the hirsute charms of her cunt +and arm-pits. At church in an old-fashioned square pew, I could see many +of the young ladies' faces, and looked at them during the whole service, +thought at times that I mistook one for the other;—but no, although +each had a bonnet on, and was in full dress, I recognized each face, +recollected, bum, bubby, and motte of each. My well-frigged cock stood +from Psalms to Sermon. I went to church in the afternoon, because a few +pious girls liked two services. My cousins, and two other young ladies +dined at the Reverend's, it always was an early dinner, to let him get +to church. In the evening I again went to church, because the servants +went; and sat close to the two women who had played at flat-fucking. The +astonishment of my aunt at my going to church three times was so great, +that although I told her I went because I did not know what to do with +myself, she wrote to my mother about it. +

+

+On Sunday night Fred returned. You may guess we saw on the Monday the +morning bathings. I told him all excepting that his sister had come to +bathe. "Did ——— and ——— come?" (naming her and cousin). "No." He +was satisfied. I told him about the two servants. Why I lied about my +cousins I cannot think, but was half ashamed of looking at all, and it +seemed more sinful to have seen my cousins than any one else. +

+

+Afterwards Fred told me that in India he kept three young girls all +together in a bungalow; had bought them from their parents as virgins at +about twenty shillings each. He was conversant with female life there, +and explained how the women satisfied their leches with each other in +harems, if they could not get men. His girls, he said, did it, and did +it before him. I was amazed and wondered, and half thought him lying. +All my knowledge of women extended to their relations with men, and +although I had seen twice women on the top of each other, and seen one +gamahuche another, I still regarded them as baudy tricks got up for my +amusement; and had never realized the idea of women having leches for +each other, as men have for frigging each other. The latter had indeed +passed away from my mind as a boyish habit, no desire to feel a prick +then entered my mind, I even disliked touching a man. So I heard what +Fred told me, but remained incredulous, and was approaching middle-age +before I realized the fact that frigging another fellows doodle was +agreeable, and that some women find similar pleasures with their own +sex. The flat-cocking of the two if they were at it, which I now don't +doubt, left no agreeable or voluptuous impression on me. +

+

+After breakfast having no shooting, Fred and I went to town to see our +women. Five minutes after our arrival, both were being fucked. We found +sitting with Mabel and Laura, the mistress of Lord A———, and will +call her Lady A.... After we had pumped our sperm out, we all went into +the sitting-room, Lady A.... was there still. Fred asked me what I had +been doing, I asked him the same, there was a general warm talk without +coarse language. Lady A.... told the girls they were lucky, for she had +not seen Lord A.... for a month, and had not had anything done to her +for that length of time. +

+

+Fred then went out, and returned in an hour. Taking me a side he showed +me baudy engravings, which he meant to throw into the garden of the +school, where the young ladies walked daily after breakfast if fine. I +objected that his sister and cousin might find them. He did not care. +"It will make them all so damned randy, that they won't know whether +their arses are at their backs or fronts." This was all through my +telling him what I had heard the two girls in the bathroom say to +each other; and he actually that night got over the wall, into the +pleasure-grounds, and laid the prints in a long building, half shed half +summer-house. From his bed-room window we could see over the wall which +separated the Reverend's garden from the school-garden. I suggested +sending them to a young lady by post. "No, she would keep them to +herself." I must mention that each lady had a separate bedroom; they +were not allowed to go to each other's bed-room, they met only at meals, +or in the class-room, or drawing-room, or when out of doors. No,—the +prints had better be seen by several, they would tell each other, and +thus all see them. The idea of the girls seeing baudy pictures tickled +us immensely. I had then wondered why the school-mistresses made it a +rule that no lady should go into another's bed-room, and once asked my +female cousin. She said she did not know. +

+

+Directly after breakfast we saw the ladies in the garden, pulled down +our blind, and peeped. "There is Carry," said Fred laughing as his +sister showed among them. We saw a group approach the spot, the next +instant all their heads were close together, looking at something. +Every now and then one would stealthily look up towards the house, then +another would, as if they feared being seen. On being joined by two or +three others, they all moved out of sight into the shed, and we saw no +more. +

+

+Fred was delighted, he did nothing but suggest how such and such a one +felt at that moment. "I dare say their cunts are as hot as fire, their +thighs squeeze, their arses wriggle as they walk; they will all frig +themselves to-night." +

+

+Fred soon afterwards said he must go to town by the next train. I would +go too. "I must go to so and so," said he, "so can't be with you much." +I resolved to stay. Going into the house I saw Mrs. Maria dressed, she +was going to town. "I will walk with you," said Fred, "to the station, +we shall go up together." Mrs. Maria went to London to make purchases, +and do all the business for the school. Neither came back till the +latest train; I was sitting smoking with the Reverend when his wife +returned, she looked worn out. Soon afterwards in came Fred, who looked +as if he had been out all night. Said he to Mrs. Maria in a surprised +manner, "Have you only just returned?" "Yes," said she in an innocent +way. "We have both come by the same train then without knowing it," he +replied. +

+

+I don't know what thoughts led to it, but the conviction came over me +that he had seen Maria's thighs closer than he did through the cracks in +the bath-room partition. I noticed his manner next morning, saw him look +at her, and she at him at breakfast, and said to myself, "He has fucked +her." +

+

+Next day we had shooting. At night Fred went to town. Next day Mrs. +Maria went, and came home late, Fred not returning till the following +morning. Mrs. Maria looked so tired that her husband noticed it. "She +has had her belly-full again," I said to myself. As she took her bath +next morning (Fred not with me), she rubbed herself dry, put on her +chemise, and felt her cunt; it was a prolonged feel. I told Fred of +that. His remarks were evidently intended to mislead me. +

+

+We wanted to see the Saturday night bathing, though my aunt wanted to +return home; but as we had shooting on Saturday, she consented to remain +over Sunday. My cousins again dined with us at the Reverend's, and two +of my cousins' special friends. What pleasure I had in looking at them, +knowing the looks of their backs and bellies as well as their faces, +wondering what they thought of the baudy pictures, at the way in which +women continue to look so modest, talk softly, look in a man's face, and +keep a demure demeanor, even if lust be stinging their cunts. It is the +training in hypocrisy, which is so large a part of female education. +

+

+On Friday Fred sprained his leg, on the Saturday it was too stiff to go +out shooting. I did, and returned to dinner. Mrs. Maria had attended to +him, her husband was at church nearly all Saturday, so perhaps she had +rubbed a little higher than his ankle. My aunt spent all the time she +could at the school, or walking out with her daughter and niece. +

+

+Fred's sprain was an excuse for going to his bedroom whither I +accompanied him. In the dusty closet Fred's lameness was better. In +came the young ladies, the younger ones first. It was a pretty sight, a +decently voluptuous one, to see the dainty white-fleshed creatures throw +off their dresses, and stand naked, one by one entering the bath, rub +their flesh dry, and their cunt-wigs free from moisture; to see one with +her bum towards you, rubbing her back vigorously with a towel pulled +straight with both hands, whilst her bum-cheeks, loins, and thighs +quivered with the motion and friction. Another put one leg on a +chair whilst she rubbed her quim dry. Then came the servants. Again I +recollect having my lust more stirred at seeing the fuller grown women +strip, and stand with boots and stockings on; than at seeing the virgin +ladies naked. I can't account for this at all. I write exactly what I +recollect. +

+

+When we saw Fred's sister, he whispered that all his family had a good +deal of hair on their privates. I saw his prick soon afterwards. He +spoke as if he were intimately acquainted with the cunts and pricks +of the whole family. The two young ladies who looked at each other's +privates did not do so again, the flat-fuckers took no pleasure in each +other's arms, they soaped each other's backs, and helped to dry each +other; both rubbed themselves in front of the fire,—a fine couple of +women. "I want to piddle so," said one just as she finished bathing. +"Piddle in the bath," said the other, "there is no one else going into +it." And she did so standing up, then jumped rapidly out, and they both +laughed. +

+

+I have seen before and since through key-holes and peep-holes women and +men wash, but it was with difficulty. Here all was fairly clear. The +crevice admitted enough sight, to distinguish form, face, feature, and +colour of hair and eyes. I thought of it for years, but never told a +man. Oftentimes when fucking, the bathing spectacle came into my mind, +and fetched my sperm out of me in a moment. +

+

+The next morning we jobbed a few more holes between other boards, so as +to make it look as if the shrinking of the wood had cracked the paper in +more than one place, carefully closed the door and dipped the heads of +the screws in vinegar to darken them. The whole looked rusty, and as we +hoped when we had done no one would ever guess the game we had been up +to. We swept up dust from the carpet, and pushed it under the bottom of +the door, and I think our prank never was known. The old house is pulled +down now. +

+

+I went to church again for the pleasure of staring at the ladies, it was +rapture to look at them, and think of their virgin cunts, think they +had seen the baudy prints. My cousin Fred had gone out somewhere, Mrs. +Maria, who usually went to church with her husband, was ill. In the +middle of the service a thought came into my head. Feeling sure that +Fred was after the middle-aged plump lady, I left the church, and went +back, knocked at the door twice before it was opened, and then by Mrs. +Maria. Said she, "I let both servants go out." She told me this without +my asking her anything, her hair seemed a little rough, her manner +excited. I sat down, told her I had felt faint, and had a cholic in +church, and so had come home. "Fred has been unwell too," said she. +"Indeed?—I thought he was out." "He returned, and has been in bed this +hour." "Oh!" said I. It was clear to me why her hair was rough. Fred was +abed, but awake. Had Mrs. Maria been fucked on that bed? +

+

+My aunt and I left the next day, and went to the Manor-House; Fred to my +astonishment could not get out of bed, so bad was his sprain; so we +left him there. At the Hall I got so lewd that I went up to London, and +rushed to Laura's lodgings the next night. +

+

+"Both abed sir," said the servant who let me in. Finding no one in +Mabel's room, I went down to the first floor. The women were in bed +together. Laura opened the door to me, and got into bed again in the +dark; for company sake they slept together when we men were both away, +she said. +

+

+Lewd with prolonged chastity, the two servants in the bath-room ran in +my mind as I sat chatting in the dark room. After having slipped my +hand under the clothing on to Mabel's cunt, "Have you been amusing each +other?—which was man, which woman?" were questions put and answered +with real or assumed ignorance, but with some giggling. Laura as I have +said never allowed a baudy word, so I ceased; and Laura I suppose savage +at Mabel having all the groping to herself, said, "You go first, and +warm the bed, and Mabel will come up to you." "No, you go and warm it +for me Mabel." "I won't." "Then I won't." Mabel seemed to me thick in +speech, muddled in manner, and half asleep. +

+

+I fetched my candle. The women looked so fresh and handsome. "I'll sleep +with you both," said I beginning to undress. +

+

+A slight altercation,—what would Fred say?—the servants think?—no she +would not permit it,—she knew the games we should be up to. Mabel +said, "No,—no, it wouldn't do." The more they said no, the quicker I +undressed, and with prick lifting up my shirt, forced myself into bed, +by the side of Mabel. Laura jumped out the other side, her white legs +showing half-way up her thighs as she did so. +

+

+She stood by the bed-side wrangling, and looking at me as randy as +possible, spite of herself. I should not stay,—she would not go to bed. +"Well my dear Laura, go up to our bed." "I shant." Tired of standing in +the cold she said, "Well will you promise to keep quiet?" "Perfectly." +"Come on," said Mabel, "Fred won't know." So putting out the light into +bed got Laura. Perhaps she thought she would like on the quiet to hear +the amatory talk of Mabel and myself,—hear if she could not see or feel +our tricks,—who knows? +

+

+"Turn your back to Mabel,—go to sleep Laura,—now you won't see or +hear." "You know your promise,—don't you let him Mabel." "How can I +help it?" said Mabel in a muddled manner. "You are a couple of dirty +beasts," said Laura turning her rump towards us. We heeded not, for we +were fucking. Laura spoke not another word, she lay as if asleep. Then +I fell fast asleep on the edge of the bed cuddling Mabel. It was close +packing. +

+

+I awakened cold on one side, hot on the other next Mabel, who lay +snoring profoundly. The regular breathing of Laura told me she was +asleep. My prick was stiff, and as I thought of the two women by the +side of me, it got ungovernable. +

+

+"How I should like a put into Laura," I thought, but had a high sense +of honor, and checked the desire. "What, Fred's woman?—for shame +Walter.—Well (reflecting) he took my two women in the country.—Yes," +replied my conscience, "but nothing made them yours,—not completely at +least, one had had another man, but Laura is his woman, his temporary +wife, he is fond of her, he keeps her." But my prick kept throbbing with +desire to be up her. +

+

+I thought of Fred's description of the thick hair on her cunt, of the +quickness with which she pissed, of all he had foolishly told me of her +perfections, until my brain whirled. "There can't be any harm in just +feeling her flesh,—no one will know." I could only guess where she +was in the darkness; but carefully stretching my hand over Mabel quite +slowly, it touched a bunch of night-gown, and then warm flesh. She +was lying on her back, Mabel had her rump towards her. I raised myself +gently up to feel further, touched the hips, the thighs, then the smooth +belly, further on, and my hand laid in the thick hair of her cunt. +

+

+Up to that time I had my reason, could reflect, pause, control myself; +the woman of any friend of mine was safe from attack from me, but I had +had a fancy that there had been once or twice in Laura's look and manner +towards me, a slight gleam of desire; yet the idea of having her never +had entered my head, I should have chased it instantly. But from the +moment my hand lighted on the crisp thicket, reason left me, voluptuous +desire overwhelmed me: I forgot Fred, almost forgot Mabel. +

+

+Slowly, inch by inch, I moved myself half up and my arm over Mabel as +she lay, fearing it would wake her, and slid my finger down between +Laura's cunt-lips, and gently frigged, listening to Mabel's snoring, +and Laura's breathing. At length I must have produced a voluptuous +sensation, she got restless, and opened her thighs, moved, clasped my +hand, and in a peevish sleepy tone said, "Don't Mabel,—what are you +doing?" +

+

+"It's I"; I whispered frigging on. "Oh!" said she pushing my hand away. +"Oh! if you wake Mabel." She kept repulsing my hand saying "don't," I +replacing it. My hand frigging her clitoris. +

+

+She turned her backside towards Mabel, I then fumbled between her +bum-cheeks; but she was too far off. Slowly I got out of bed, and +feeling my way round the foot in the dark, I got to Laura's side. She +heard me. I put my mouth to her ear, "Let me dear," and thrusting my +hand under the clothes felt her cunt from motte to bum-hole. "Oh! no, if +Mabel—" Mabel's snoring reassured me. Little by little I uncovered +her, lifting off the clothes, got on to her, up her, and without a +word, without a whisper, without resistance or denial we fucked gently, +pausing at intervals to listen, hiding our emotions and pleasures as we +spent, Laura's flanks and my hand close to Mabel's rump, my leg almost +touching Mabel's leg, she still snoring like a pig. +

+

+"Go," said Laura, her mouth to my ear, and un-cunting me. Quietly, +without reply, I got off, and back again crept stealthily to Mabel's +side, and at the very moment that I was lifting the bed-clothes Mabel +awoke, and said directly, "what are you getting up for?—where are you +going?" +

+

+I was for a moment at my wits' end. "Where is the pot?" said I. "Under +the bed," said Mabel. "Laura!" Laura did not answer, and breathed +heavily. I pissed, and got into bed. It was a close fit. Mabel took hold +of my prick. "It's wet," said she drowsily. Down went my hand, the hairs +were wet and sticky. Mabel was too sleepy to notice what the wet was, +yet I feared. "Turn on your back dear," said I. She did. I got on her, +and put my prick in though not stiff. "Don't,—I'm tired,—wait till +morning,—get off, Laura will hear." "Here is a lark," thought I, and +got off her, turning my bum towards Mabel's belly, as the best way to +economize room, and I was soon asleep again. She snored off instantly. +

+

+Excitement wakened me early. The house was quiet, it was quite dark, we +all three talked. Laura laid sulking, I reminded her of Fred's remark +at Vauxhall about her pissing quickly; that only made her sulkier. +At length upstairs I went with Mabel to our bed-room, to prevent the +servants knowing anything. When we came down to breakfast, Laura and +I looked at each other hard. When I got a chance of speaking to her +privately, she would not hear the deed alluded to; reminded me that Fred +was my cousin, and a good fellow. After that I never spoke to her on the +subject for weeks, I felt ashamed of myself; but for all that my cock +would often tingle, and raise its head when I looked at her. One day +there she being alone, we fell talking about that night. I had never +known her so warm; we wondered Mabel had not heard. "And the hair of my +prick was wet with our spending Laura." "No it was yours." "No yours." +"Let's try again." She rushed out of the room. +

+

+The night after poking Laura I took them to the play, at supper Mabel +drinking rather freely, Laura said that she had better not take as much +as she had the last night. Then I found she had lushed rather freely, +which accounted for her sleeping so soundly. She had a strong liking for +liquors of all sorts. +

+

+A day or two afterwards Fred arrived, looking as if his prick had never +left a cunt for a month. I asked him how Mrs. Maria was, he laughed, +and repeated that he should not mind having her; but said no more. Soon +after we went back to the country, to spend Christmas at my aunt's. My +mother, Tom, and one of my sisters also came. They were much in my way. +

+

+For brevity I compress the events of the next few months; it is a pity, +but it would print to three the length otherwise. Briefly I was obliged +to get back once or twice to my aunt's to see Pender privately, though +I did not want to have her. I was mostly in London. One or two funny +whoring incidents I must leave out altogether, and for the same reason: +brevity. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XIV. +

+

+My cousin at home.—Pender's belly.—A lawyer's letter.—Action +for crim-con threatened.—Suspicions.—A compensation.—The Penders +leave.—Wholesale whorings.—A frolic at Lord A...'s.—After +dinner.—Newspaper readings.—A strange rape.—Bets on pricks.—Pricks +felt.—Fred on his head.—Beds on the floor.—Free fucking.—End of the +orgie. +

+

+My cousin came home from school, and when dancing or talking with her, +I used to think of the look of her bum. One young lady from the school +whose posteriors I also knew came to stay. Fred and I used to laugh +about the adventure, and about his sister and cousin as much as about +the others. +

+

+Mrs. Pender's belly was like a mountain, her husband I fancied scowled +at me. Mrs. P. looked scared, and whisking past me in the farm-yard one +day with a milk-pail, said in a low voice as she passed, "For God's sake +keep away," and I did, feeling uneasy, In cold weather my aunt ceased to +go to the farm-yard, our own shooting was over, and I had no reason for +crossing the farm-yard; but at the end of a week my cock was so much in +want of amusement, that I made up my mind to have a poke up Pender if +I could, and way-laid her in the shrubbery-walk. She told me that on +a particular day her man would go some distance to buy cattle, and she +would try to meet me in the barn. Chance favored us, we fucked, and +talked at intervals for two or three hours, she having a poke, then +going out for a time, coming back again, and so on. +

+

+I heard that her husband suspected her and me, he was sure it was not +his child. Some one had seen me and her together in the lane, he would +not say who. Said Mrs. P., "I don't know what, but I am sure he is up to +something bad to you or me, and I live in a fright; I can scarcely eat, +drink, or sleep for thinking about what's to happen." +

+

+About a month after this, I received a letter from a lawyer in London +saying he wished to see me. I went, and found that he was instructed to +bring an action against me for seducing Mrs. Pender. I denied all, +but it was of no use. I at once went to my solicitor, who after a time +feared the case could be proved against me. The action would be brought +for damages (there was no divorce possible then), and there would be the +scandal, the annoyance to my aunt, and the horror of my mother. The +only chance of getting a word with Mrs. P. was way-laying her in the +laurel-walk. When I saw her she looked the picture of misery, her +husband had refused to sleep in the same bed with her. At about five +o'clock one evening, it being quite dark, she had given me a signal +during the day, I went to the privy. There I fucked her, she said how +utterly miserable she was, and asked me to take her away. Uprighters +were never to my taste, and now her big belly made it far from +pleasurable. I got worried, and at length after much legal annoyance, +agreed to give five hundred pounds, on condition that I had a letter +from Pender saying that he was very sorry for what he had done, that +he was convinced he had made a mistake, and was then sure of his wife's +fidelity, or something to that effect. +

+

+Before this was quite settled, Mr. Pender got leave of absence, and +went away somewhere. My solicitor asked me whether I had any reason to +suspect that Mrs. P. had told her husband. Immediately I became savagely +suspicious, went to the cottage under pretense of asking for Pender +himself, although I knew he was away, and insisted she should meet me at +the town. I thought of nothing until we met, but how I should entrap her +into a confession, and worked myself up into a belief that the couple +were making a market of me. +

+

+She undressed, I caressed her, with hand on her cunt, looked at her and +said, "Your husband means to make a fortune out of me." "What he,—ho, +ho, ho," she cried, "the wretch,—oh! I shall be exposed,—ho, ho," and +was as white as a sheet. When she got better, I told her all, she +knew nothing about what her husband had done, and begged I would pay +nothing,—she would drown herself.—and I left, convinced that the poor +woman was true to me. +

+

+Pender gave notice to leave, and forfeiting wages left his place, and +went to the North of England. Months afterwards I received a scrawl +saying that the child was exactly like me, that P. was not unkind, but +she was unhappy, would like to see me; and if I wished it she would run +away, and be as good as a wife to me. There was no name or address to +it, and I never heard of her afterwards. +

+

+I thought all settled, and that no one would know about it; but for all +that it leaked out. Months afterwards being at my aunts, I got into +one of her servants, and after giving her a good fucking one night, and +telling her after a fuck not to wash, she said, "I don't want you to +get me in the family way like Mrs. Pender." She had heard that. How the +devil did it leak out? +

+

+After Christmas Fred and I went to see our women, he wanted more than +I did. I had some harlotting; not being at all faithful to Mabel, I had +fits of great incontinence, and as many as three different women on the +same day, at times. +

+

+Exceedingly nice women were then to be met in the Quadrant from eleven +to one in the morning, and three till five in the afternoon. I would +have one before luncheon, get another after luncheon, dine, and have a +third women. I would at other times go under the Opera colonade, where +they used to assemble in the summer evenings with low dresses showing +shoulders and breasts; to see them, even if I did not want a fuck. I +had an insatiable desire to look at their nudity, would strip them, +make them piss, feel them all over, leave, and in an hour perhaps have +another. I had no leches for fancy postures. To see their thighs and +cunts in free but graceful attitudes was sufficient pleasure. During +this time the following occurred. +

+

+An intimate friend of Fred's was Lord A——-he lived with a lady who was +called Lady A.... I don't think she had been gay, and in that respect +resembled Laura and Mabel. The three women were much together. We often +saw Lord A...., and all became friends. Lord A.... was not very true to +his lady. He lived in B.t.n street, where he had at that time the whole +of a handsomely furnished house, but only could half occupy it. His +indoor servants were a middle-aged woman who cooked, a maid who was her +niece, and his valet, who waited at table as well. A woman who did not +sleep in the house came daily. He had grooms and a coachman, but not in +the house. Lord A.... had quarrelled with his father. He had been in the +Guards, and drank very freely. +

+

+He invited us one night to dinner, and gave a splendid one. By the time +we had finished, we were all noisy. It was never our custom to use baudy +language when in each other's company. Laura had a great aversion to it. +Mabel liked me to talk baudy to her, but did not talk it herself. Fred +always after dinner would let out a warm word or so, and was at once +snubbed by Laura. For all that our conversation after dinner was +generally warm with double entente. +

+

+On the night in question our conversation got to open voluptuousness. +Fred and Lord A.... went in for it, Mabel laughed, Laura hished and +hished, said she would leave, but at last gave way, as did Lady A....; +then we men got to lewdness. Whenever any sensuous allusion was made, +my eyes sought Laura's, hers seeking mine; we were both thinking of the +quiet and quick fuck we had, with Mabel snoring by our side. We compared +our thoughts on that night, but at a future day. +

+

+Just at that time a case filled the public journals. It was a charge of +rape on a married woman, against a man lodging in the same house. She +was the wife of a printer on the staff of a daily paper, who came home +extremely late; she always went to be leaving her door unlocked, so that +her husband might get in directly he came home. The lodger was a friend +of her husband's, and knew the custom of leaving the door unlocked,—in +fact he was a fellow-printer. +

+

+She awakened in the night with the man between her thighs, had opened +them readily, thinking it was her husband. It appears to have been her +habit, and such her husband's custom on returning home, or so she said. +The lodger had actually all but finished his fuck, before she awakened +sufficiently to find out that it was not the legitimate prick which was +probing her. Then she alarmed the house, and gave the man in charge for +committing a rape. The papers delicately hinted that the operation was +complete before the woman discovered the mistake,—but of course it left +much to the reader's imagination. +

+

+Fred read this aloud. I knew more, for the counsel of the prisoner was +my intimate friend. He had told me that the prisoner had had her twice, +that she had spent with him; that he had often said he meant to go in, +and have her, that she had dared him to do it, and that she only made a +row when she thought she heard her husband at the door on the landing, +although it was two hours before his usual time of return. His prick was +in her when she began her outcry. +

+

+With laughter and smutty allusions we discussed the case. "Absurd," +said Laura, "she must have known it was not her husband." "Why?" "Why +because—," and Laura stopped. "If you were asleep, and suddenly felt a +man on you of about my size, and his prick up you, very likely you would +not tell if it were mine or not," said Fred. Laura threw an apple at his +head. Decency was banished from that moment, a spade was called a spade, +and unveiled baudiness reigned. +

+

+"I should know if it were not you," said Lady A... looking at Lord A... +"How?" "Ah! I should,—should you not know another woman from Laura, if +you got into bed with two women in the dark?" said she to Fred. "I am +not sure for the moment if with a woman just her size, and as much hair +on her cunt," said he. "I tell you what Fred, I won't have it," said +Laura ill-tempered, "talk about some one else, I won't have beastly +talk about me." "I'll bet," said I, "that if the ladies were to feel our +pricks in the dark, they would not tell whose they each had hold of." +Roars of laughter followed. "I should like to try," said Mabel. "So +would I," said another. "Would you know, if you felt us?" said one +women. "If I felt all your cunts in the dark, I'll bet I should know +Marie's," said Lord A.... "That is if you felt all round and about," +said Fred, "but not if she opened her legs, and you only felt the +notch." "I think I should." +

+

+"Why?—is she different from others?" Lord A—— +

+

+was going to say something, when Marie told him to shut up. +

+

+So we went on, the men in lascivious language, the women in more +disguised terms, discussing the probabilities of distinguishing cunts +or pricks by a simple feel in the dark. Each remark caused roars of +laughter, the women whispered to each other, and laughed at their own +sayings. Lewdness had seized us all, the women's eyes were brilliant +with voluptuous desire. More wine was drunk, "Call it by its proper +name," said Lord A.... when Marie remarked that a woman must know her +own man's thing. "Prick then." "I will bet five pounds that Mabel would +not guess my prick in the dark, if she felt all of us," said I. "And +I'll bet," said another. "Shall we try?" said Fred. "Yes," said Mabel +more fuddled than the rest. Baudier and baudier, we talked, laughed, and +drank, and at length set to work to make rules for trying, all talking +at once. +

+

+One proposed one way, one another. "I can't tell unless I feel balls as +well," said a woman. "Will they be stiff when we feel?" said another. +"Mine will," said Fred, "it's stiff already." "So is mine," added I. +

+

+"How shall we know where to put our hands, if we are in the dark?" said +Lady A.... "If a man is in front of you, you will find it fast enough," +answered some one. Laura had now yielded to the baudy contagion, and +made no objection, though Mabel and Lady A.... were the most forward. +Then Lord A... rang the bell, and told his valet he might go out for the +night, and his house-keeper and maid they might go to bed, which they +did at the top of the house, as we supposed. The sequel proved that to +be doubtful, and that they must have had a most edifying night. +

+

+After lewd squabbles, we arranged that each man was to give the woman if +she guessed the prick right, ten pounds; the men were to be naked, the +women to feel all the men's cocks, and give a card to him whose prick +she thought she knew. The room was to be dark. No man was to speak, +or give any indication by laughing, coughing, or any other way, under +penalty of paying all the bets. The women were to lose if they spoke, +or gave indications of who they were. +

+

+I took three cards, and wrote the name of a lady on each of them. +Then each lady took her card, and they went upstairs to the bed-room +pell-mell and laughing. The women were to stand of a row in a certain +order against a side of the room, we to follow in an order they did not +know. They were to feel all pricks twice, each giving her card to the +man at the second feel, if she knew the prick. We undressed to our +shirts, took off our rings, so as to leave no indications, and in that +condition entered the room. The dining-room door we closed, there was no +light on the first-floor lobby, nor in the bed-room, for we had put +out the fire there. So holding each other by the shoulder, we entered, +closed the door, and we were all in the room together in the dark. +

+

+We lifted our shirts, and closed on the women, each of whom in her turn +felt our pricks. One felt mine as if she meant to pull it off. On the +second feeling, we got somehow mixed, a slight tittering of women began, +some one hished, and the tittering ceased. Two hands touched me at the +same time, but one withdrew directly she touched the other's hand. A +card was put into my hand, afterwards another card touched me, and was +withdrawn. After waiting a minute I nudged the man next me. "Have you +all given cards?" shouted out the man. "Yes," shouted the three women +at once. Then we all burst out laughing, and the men went downstairs, +leaving the women all talking at once like Bedlam broke loose. +

+

+Looking at our cards, we found that each women had guessed rightly her +man's prick; but we changed our cards, and called out to the women who +came rushing down like mad. "Not one of you has guessed right," said I, +"you have all lost your bets." "I'll swear I'm right," said Lady A..., +"it's Adolphus that I gave my card to." This set us all questioning at +once. "What makes you so sure?" "She says it's very long and thin," said +Mabel, "and so it is." "Hold your tongue," said Marie. "I felt it," said +Mabel. "They all seemed the same to me," said Laura, "and one of you +pushed my hand away." "It was I," said Fred, "you wanted to feel too +much, you nearly frigged me," "Oh! what a lie." Then we told the truth, +and that each women had won, which caused much noisy satisfaction, then +we had more wine, we men still with naked legs. +

+

+I have told all I can recollect with exactitude, but there was lots more +said and done. Fred pulled up Lord A...'s shirt, his cock was not stiff. +"That's not as it was when I felt it," said Mabel. "You've guessed +pricks, but for all that you would not know who fucked you in the dark." +"We should," cried out all the women. "Let's try," said Lord A... "All +right," said Mabel. "We are not prostitutes," said Laura. "A little free +fucking will be jolly, let's take turns about all round," said Fred. +Then the room resounded with our laughter, all spoke baudily at once, +every second, "prick," "cunt," "fuck," was heard from both men and +women,—it was a perfect Babel of lasciviousness. +

+

+"I'll bet ten pounds a women doesn't guess who fucks her," said Lord +A... We echoed him. The women laughed, but led by Laura refused, and +squabbled. All wanted the bet to come off, but did not like to admit +it. We had more champagne, the men put on their trowsers, we kissed all +round, and talked over the way of deciding such a bet, the women got +randier, one showed her leg to another, and at length all the women +agreed to take part in the orgie. +

+

+The rest I shall tell as truthfully as I can. The drink and excitement +I was under makes it difficult; but I will tell nothing I am not quite +sure of. We arranged a plan with such noise and talking, that God knows +how it was arranged at all. Where were we to poke?—in the bed-room? +Impossible, there was but one large bed in Lady A... 's room, and one in +the back-room. +

+

+How were we to fuck all together? We all rushed upstairs, took all the +beds and pillows from both rooms, and from the upper rooms, and put them +on the floor in the large room, making one long bed, after moving aside +the furniture. The fire had been put out. All this was done with shouts +and yells, a fearful lascivious riot. +

+

+The women were to lie down in an order known to us, Lady A... nearest +to the door, and so on. There was to be absolute silence. Each man as +he knelt between the woman's legs was to put a card with a number on it +under her pillow. We men knew which number each had, the women were not +to know which man was to have her, directly we had fucked we were to +return, each woman was to produce her card, and guess who had been up +her, they were to be in their chemises, we in our shirts. I never +shall forget the looks of the women as they went upstairs to arrange +themselves for the fucking, but think that they scarcely knew the rules +of what they were to do. +

+

+The women undressed quickly enough, for we had scarcely had time to +tie up our faces in napkins to prevent our whiskers being noticed (Lord +A.... had none), before a voice shouted out, "We are ready." Then with +shirts on only, up we men went. I only recollect kneeling down between +Lady A... 's legs (we had agreed among ourselves how to change our +women), giving a card, feeling a cunt, and putting my prick into it, +then hearing the rustling of limbs, hard breathing, sighing, and moans +of pleasure of the couples fucking fast and furiously; of my brain +whirling, of a maddening sensuality delighting me as I clasped the +buttocks of Lady A..., and fucked her. +

+

+We must have spent nearly all together, none when we compared after, +recollected more than his own performance. All were quiet. I was feeling +round my prick which was still in Lady A... 's cunt, when a light +flashed powerfully through the room. That devil Fred had risen, and +lighted several lucifers, which then was done by dipping them in a +bottle,—they were expensive. What a sight was disclosed at a glance! +

+

+All three women lay with chemises up to their navels, Lady A... on her +back, I on the top of her (rising rapidly at the light). Next to her +Mabel seemingly asleep with thighs wide open. Fred kneeling between +them, holding the lighted matches, Laura on her back with open thighs, +eyes closed, Lord A... cuddling, but nearly off of her by her side, and +his prick laying on her thigh. The women shrieked, and began pulling +down their chemises. I swore at Fred, the women joined chorus. "Most +ungentlemanly," said Laura getting up. That got up Lord A... Mabel lay +still on her back as if ready to be stroked again. But all was said. In +a minute the lucifers burnt out, and it was dark again. Scuffling up we +men went downstairs, leaving the women chattering. Soon after down they +came, looking screwed, lewd, and annoyed that the bets were off, and all +chattering at once. +

+

+Mabel was quarrelsome. "You," said she turning to Lady A..., "said that +your husband's thing was long and thin, you tried to mislead me in the +bet, you wanted to make me lose." They had evidently been discussing +their men's pricks. +

+

+"So you have been telling how each of us fucks," said Fred. Laura denied +it. "We did," said Mabel. "It's a lie Mabel, if you say it again, I'll +tell something more than you will like to hear about yourself." Mabel +retorted, Lady A... chimed in. It was a Babel of quarrelsome lewd women, +with their cunts full. +

+

+I feared a row, and that Mabel might after all know more about my having +had Laura, the night we all three slept in the same bed, than I cared +for; so I pacified them. Fred said we had better try again, Laura +objected. "Oh! yes Mrs. Modest," said Mabel, "when you found it was not +Fred, why didn't you cry out?" "I didn't know," said Laura. "Ah! ah! the +printer's wife," we shouted, then more baudy talk, recriminations, and +squabbling. Laura said she should go home, Fred said she might go by +herself. Lord A... who had half fallen asleep, said it was too late, +and we had better stop. Some one said we could soon again make the beds +comfortable in the upper rooms. "That be damned," said Fred, "we will +all sleep on the floor as they are now." "Free fucking for ever," said +I. Laura said I was a blackguard, Mabel said she should like it, Lady +A... said she didn't care, if Adolphus didn't, Adolphus said any cunt +would suit him. He was reeling drunk as he spoke. +

+

+All this time we were in shirts and chemises. One woman had thrown a +shawl over her, one a petticoat, but their breasts flashed out, their +arms were naked, their legs showing to their knees, the men were naked +to their knees in their shirts. The scene was exciting, the women hadn't +washed their cunts, Fred said so. Mabel asked him if he was sure of it. +No, he would feel. Laura told him he must be drunk, and was a beast. +"Drunk?" said he, "look here." He turned a sommersault, and stood on his +hands and head, his heels against the wall, his backside in the air, +his prick and cods falling downwards over his belly, his shirt over +his head. Lady A... took up a bunch of grapes, and dashed it on his +ballocks. Then we chased the women round the room, tried to feel them, +and they us. It was like hell broke loose, till we agreed to sleep on +the floor together, any how. +

+

+No lights; lights and piss-pots were put in the back bed-room,—a woman +suggested that. "You're frightened of farting," said some one. The women +went up to make the beds more comfortable, whilst we men fetched candles +from the kitchen, the others being well nigh burned out. The women had +washed their cunts, we had more wine, and then we all were pretty well +screwed, and Lord A... pretty drunk when we went up to them. +

+

+Up to that time I was sufficiently sober to know all I have written, and +plenty more. Surely I could tell a lot more of our conversation, but it +would prolong the tale too much. After the last bottle of champagne +I was groggy, recollect less clearly, was in a half-sleepy, feverish, +excited, and baudy state, my sleep was broken by others, but when awake +my prick stood immediately, and I moved all night from one woman to +another, fucking, and then dozing. +

+

+To satisfy Laura, and keep up a sort of appearance, we had said we +would only have our own women, who were again to lay in a certain order. +Directly they had left the room, we agreed to change. A... doggedly +insisted in having Mabel, so I was to take Laura, and Fred Lady A... It +was such a lark. My prick was up Laura, when she cried, "It's not you +Fred." Then were simultaneous exclamations, "I'm not Mabel,"—"What a +lovely cunt!"—"Leave me alone,"—"Feel my big prick," "Damn, a cunt's +a cunt," hiccupped Lord A... "Oh!—ah!"—"Ha! my love fuck,—my +darling, oh!"—kiss, kiss,—spending,—"Aha!"—sighs of delight, +"cunt,"—"fuck,"—"oh!"—"ah! ah!" And I fell asleep on Laura amidst +this. +

+

+Awake again. By my side a wet cunt, a heavy sleeper. Turning round, my +legs met naked legs. I stretched out my hand, and felt a prick, perhaps +Fred's, I don't know. Getting up I felt my way stumbling over legs to +the wall to the furthest woman, and laid myself on her. "Don't Adolphus, +I'm so sleepy," said she. The next instant we were fucking. Others +awakened. "Where are you?" said some one. Then all moved, one man swore, +a hand felt my balls from behind. I was spending, and rolled off the +lady; turning my bum to her. Then I touched Mabel, and put my hand on +her cunt. A man dropped on her, and touched my hand with his prick. +Ejaculations burst out on all sides, the couples were meeting again, +then all was quiet, and the fucking done. Then all talked. All modesty +was gone, both men and women told their sensations and wants, "You fuck +me,—Feel me.—No, I want so and so," Laura as lewd as the rest. +

+

+Again awaking. A hand was feeling my prick. "Is it you Laura?" "Yes." I +felt her cunt. "Oh! let me go and piddle." But I turned on to her, and +we fucked. "How wet your cunt is." "No wonder." +

+

+Again I awakened, some one got up, and fell down. "Hulloa! who is that?" +"I want to piss, and can't get up," said Lord A... in a drunken voice. +Some one opened the door, a feeble light came across from the back room, +we helped him up and he stumbled along with us men to piss. Then he +insisted on going downstairs. He could scarcely stand, so we helped +him to the dining-room, we lighted more candles, he swilled more wine, +tumbled on to the sofa, where we left him drunk and snoring, and found +him snoring the next morning with the heath-rug over him. We two went +back to the women. "I've fucked all three," said Fred. "So have I." +"Laura's a damned fine fuck, ain't she?" Some one shut the room-door +opposite, as we reached the landing. We pushed it open. Two ladies were +pissing: Marie and Laura. "Where is Mabel?" "Drunk," replied one. The +two were past caring for anything, pissed and went back with us to the +bed-room. I took a light there. Mabel was on her back nearly naked, we +covered her up, for it was cold. Then I fucked Laura, and Fred Lady A... +The light we left now on the wash-hand stand, as we looked at each +other fucking and enjoyed it, and then we changed women. There was no +cunt-washing, we fucked in each other's sperm, no one cared, all liked +it, all were screwed, baudy, reckless, Mabel snoring. +

+

+I awakened after a heavy sleep, chilly, feverish, headaching, and +thirsty. I drew aside the curtains; it was late, light, but foggy; a +nasty winter's morning. Fred and the three ladies lay snoring, some +covered, others partially so, the floor looking as if every article of +bed-furniture had been thrown down with a pitchfork. I drank water, and +fucked out as I was, my lubricity was unsatiated. I could not resist +gratifying it. +

+

+Moving stealthily I uncovered the sleepers one by one. It was easy +enough, as the clothes lay loose and in shapeless heaps. I saw Fred's +prick touching Mabel's haunch, contemplated Laura's thick-haired quim, +saw spunk on her chemise. She looked lovely. Lady A... on her back, +her hand over her cunt, red stains about her, and on the sheet which I +pulled off of her,—her poorliness had come on. Mabel on her back looked +ready for a man. My cock stiffened, I laid myself on Laura, and awakened +her. That awakened Fred who mounted Mabel. Both couples took to +the exercise in the foggy day-light, and a long time we were in +consummating. "Oh! do leave off," said Laura, "I'm so sore." My prick +was excoriated, it had not been so for many a day. +

+

+Never have I been in such an orgie before, never since, and perhaps +never shall be; but it was one of the most delicious nights I ever +spent. So said Fred, so said Mabel; and Laura admitted to me at a future +day that she thought the same, and that since, when she frigged herself, +she always thought of it, and nothing else. +

+

+I thought of nothing else for a long time. Nothing has ever yet fixed +itself in my mind so vividly, so enduringly, except my doings with my +first woman, Charlotte. At the beginning of my writing these memoirs, +this was among the first described. The narrative as then written was +double its present length, and I am sorry that I have abbreviated it, +for the occurrences as I correct this proof seem to come on too quickly. +Whereas we dined at seven o'clock, and it was one o'clock I guess before +we all went to bed together, and the stages from simple voluptuousness +to riotous baudiness and free-fucking were gradual. At eight o'clock not +one of us would have dared to think of, still less to suggest, what we +all did freely at midnight. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XV. +

+
+     Morning headaches.—An indignant housekeeper.—A saucy
+     valet.—Consequences.—Fred leaves England.—Lady A...'s
+     invitation.—Laura a widow.—Farewell Laura.—Adieu Mabel.—
+     My guardian's remonstrances.—Parental advice.—Ruined.—
+     Reflexions.—My relations.
+
+

+With headaches, heated, irritable, thirsty, worn out, we arose; the men +quiet, the women quarrelsome. The women began to dress, some where +they had slept, some in the other room. We went down to Lord A..., and +awakened him. He went upstairs, and bawled out to the housekeeper (he +had rang the bell violently several times without her appearing). +"Make us some tea directly," said he. She answered, "I shant,—make it +yourself." "I'll dismiss you if you don't." "I ain't going to make, +tea for prostitutes," said she, "and we are not going to keep in such a +house." Fred said the wine was bad, or his head would not ache so. +A... said Fred knew nothing about wine. Mabel who had heard what the +housekeeper said, bawled out that she would go up, and tear her eyes +out. The free-fucking tone was gone, each man seemed jealous, and spoke +harshly to his woman. At a remark of Marie's, Lord A... told her to go +to another room. No, she should not till Mabel was out of the house. +Mabel not quite sober, told me I had better go home with Laura. Fred +said Laura would go home with him. Laura was quiet, and tried to get +Fred to leave with her, and told Mabel she would be better if she took +less liquor. At length we separated. We four were going to the same +house, but went in separate cabs, then to our own rooms, and had +breakfast separately there,—a thing we never had done before. We always +lived in Laura's apartments, and shared the expenses. +

+

+After breakfast Mabel and I went to bed, late in the day we awakened. +I was refreshed, for then a long sleep restored me from any excess. +Although I did not like Mabel's behaviour, and did not care about her +having had the other men as I thought, yet it annoyed me; but it had the +effect of giving me a strong lech for her for some time. I used to think +as I fucked her, of my prick rubbing where Freds and Lord A... 's had +rubbed. It delighted me to say, "Should you know it was my prick if +you had just awakened?"—"Did his hurt you, when he pushed like +this?"—shove, shove,—"Tell me how Fred goes just before he spends." +We used to fetch each other by talking over that night; but she did not +recollect very clearly, and declared she was sure I had not had her, +although I certainly had her once that night, and when the spunk of +Lord A... and Fred's was in her. It used to horrify me when I thought of +that, such was my masculine inconsistency then. +

+

+We all four dined together, but were a little reserved until wine was +in us, then we laughed about the night; but Laura saying we had better +forget it, we agreed not to talk about it again, nor did we with the +women. Fred and I used often to do so, he never seemed so happy as when +he was asking me, if Laura was not a damned fine fuck, but directly I +said yes, he was silent. +

+

+The frolic brought about a great deal of mischief. Lord A...'s +housekeeper and maid left that day, they would not stop. I dare say they +had seen and heard enough to tell them the games we were up to, for we +were not particular about shutting doors. Lord A... regretted the cook, +because she was such a good one. She told the valet, and soon after he +was insolent to Lady A..., so Lord A... kicked him out. He summoned +A... before a magistrate for an assault, and A... was fool enough not to +compromise it. The man told a lot. The owner of the house gave Lord A... +notice to quit, he and Lady A... went to lodgings, and the publicity +embroiled Lord A... still more with his family. +

+

+Neither was the friendship between us all quite the same. Laura and +Mabel quarrelled. Lord A... would not let his mistress visit them unless +he was with her, Laura would never leave Mabel in the room alone with +Fred. Occasionally we still dined together, and went to the theatre. One +night when we had had much wine, we joked about the night, and the women +got quarrelling. Laura said the affair was disgraceful, and had it not +been for Mabel, it never would have happened. Mabel bounced off to her +own rooms. Soon after I took separate lodgings for Mabel. There she +was always in tears, if I left her long, and if away a day or two, she +wanted to know if I had been with Laura. Lady A... visited Mabel, +and was frightened to let her Lord know it. Then Lord and Lady A... +quarrelled, he had the clap, and gave it to his mistress. Fred and I +were always excellent friends, and at some annoyance through the women, +suggested we should go to Paris, and leave them alone in London. +

+

+Before going I met Lady A... walking out, who asked me in, in saying +Lord A... would be glad to see me. As I had not quarrelled with him, I +thought a chat might heal our coolness. When indoors, she called out to +him, and professed to be surprised at his not being there. If I would +wait, he would be in soon. We got nearer and nearer to each other on the +sofa, began talking about the free-fucking night, of the good aim she +had made with the bunch of grapes on Fred's balls, as he stood on his +head. We got very lewd, I kissed her, she me. Would she know it was I +who was up her, if I came in in the dark to her? She could not say, +but should know it was not A..,—a beast. "Beast, why?—have you +quarrelled?" Then she told me that A... was often drunk, and stayed away +from her for days. "He has got a disease from a beastly gay woman, and +hasn't slept with me for weeks." "And not had you?" "Of course not." +"Oh! don't you want it?" "No wonder if I do." At once I put my hands +up her petticoats, felt her nice plump thighs, my fingers rubbed on the +smooth quim. "Oh! don't—I can't bear it." I pulled out a stiff prick, +and put it into her hand, we toyed with each other's genitals for a +minute, then she sunk back on the sofa, I on her, and we copulated. +

+

+I stayed the whole evening with her, fucking at intervals. A... did not +come back. I am sure she knew he would not, and had asked me in because +she wanted me to have her. She did not tell me she had had the clap, nor +I her,—it was Mabel who had told me. +

+

+She hinted she should like to meet me again, and I made some half-sort +of promise, but never did. Mabel became more and more expensive, +discontented, lusty, and quarrelsome, and she was not clean. She would +feel my wet prick after it had left her cunt, and then cut bread and +butter without washing her hands. We had rows, and I left her, giving +her a handsome sum of money. Laura said she had gone back to Plymouth +with Lord A..., who had left Lady A... Then Fred, I and Laura were just +as we used to be. He seemed to have forgotten everything, and I never +presumed on having poked Laura. We went to Paris, leaving Laura in +London with her sister, who came up to stay with her,—a nice girl. +

+

+Though short of money now, Fred and I at Paris took no heed, but rattled +away as if our purses were inexhaustable. His furlough was nearly up. We +had no end of women. "Old ——— (naming a relative) will leave you all +his money," said he, "he's fond of you, and has no one else to leave it +to." I and all my family thought that; my mother had repeatedly warned +me that he was discontented with my goings on; but I counted on his +love for me, love since I was a baby; so I played at Paris a jolly game, +regardless of money. +

+

+When I came back from Paris, I tried to retrench, but found it all but +impossible. I got rid of Mabel, spent five shillings for my dinner, +where I used to spend twenty, went to live with my mother, put down +my horses and carriage, and discharged my man and grooms. But as I +diminished my amusements and extravagances generally, so I seemed more +and more to need women. My cock stood all day, and half the night. +Women I had by dozens. I tried to reduce their fees, and did to a +little extent, but for some years I had been accustomed to a liberal +expenditure in that article and though to a country girl I could give +five shillings, to a Londoner I could only give gold, and never refused +more if they pleased me, and were not satisfied. +

+

+Fred then went abroad to his regiment. He made arrangements for Laura to +have a small income, not a tenth of what she had had, but enough to keep +her in a quiet way. I at first was to pay it to her. She was to have it +as long as she remained steady, and he hoped she would go home, hoped +she would keep steady till his return,—his return which was not +probable in less than seven years at the least. +

+

+One night when together, we laughed at the absurdity of expecting it. +"Walter, is it probable that a fine woman like that will be content +with frigging herself?" "No." "She will be fucked,—I would if I were +she,—it's a shame to wish her to go without fucking. If I were married +to her, she would go with me, but a man can't take a mistress to India, +he could not live with her, and all the regiment would be smelling at +her tail,—she will be fucked, and I can't help it." Tears stood in his +eyes. "You give her a grind old boy, if she must have it, I'd rather you +did it than any one, and it will keep her quiet. You have had her,—do +you recollect that night?—oh! God, what a spree! I never had such a +spree before in my life, and never shall again." I said I would take +care of her as if a sister, as to having her, he might dismiss such an +idea from his head, and I meant what I said. He went abroad, and was +killed in battle. I loved him. +

+

+Laura went into humbler lodgings, I saw her often, but never made the +slightest advances. Soon she could not make her money do. Her mother +came up to stay with her, and she had then partly two to keep. She +dressed plainer, sold or pawned her best things, told me all, and how +it was impossible to make the money do. Then I made her a present, she +kissed me, and that set my blood boiling. Her mother wanted her to go +back to the country, I advised it also; it was agreed she should, and +her mother went back. A day or two afterwards I called on her, she got +me a chop for dinner, and sent for wine. We talked about Fred, she cried +about him, I kissed her to comfort her, she kissed me again as we sat on +the sofa, my arm went round her, I pulled her hand on to my shoulders; +and that spree at Lord A... 's came into my head. +

+

+"You miss a bed-fellow Laura, don't you?" "Oh! no, but I miss poor Fred, +he was so kind." "Do you recollect that night?" "Don't mention it, I am +ashamed of it,—oh! don't look at my boots, they are so shabby now." I +had began at the ankles, as I always did, it was on the road. "You are +not so stout as you were my dear." "There is not any difference in me." +I pinched her thighs outside her clothes. "Ah! I'm no thinner there I'm +sure." "Let me feel." "Oh! now don't,—it's a shame." "My darling, you +are as smooth and plump as ever,—I know the feel of those beautiful +thighs, I've laid on them." Soon my hand was between them, my finger +on the clitoris. "Poor Fred," said she still crying, her head on my +shoulder. In another instant her hand was round my prick, her thighs +open, my hand restless, and roving all about her cunt. "Lay down." +"I won't." "It won't hurt him poor fellow, he is far away." For a few +minutes we coaxed and fondled, kissed and cried, saying it was not +fair, and we never would. Then cock and cunt getting hotter and more +sensitive, I pushed her flat on the sofa, and we fucked ecstatically. +Rising she sat looking at me, her clothes half-way up her thighs, I +looking at her with my wet prick hanging its head. Then we hugged, +kissed, and did it again. +

+

+"It was to be," said she (as if poking her was fate). "Quite true dear, +but let's go to the bed, the sin is no greater if we do it ever so many +times." Into bed we got, and there I think we laid for sixteen hours. +Laura was a lovely bed-fellow. I had a good look at the hair on her +cunt, it was very long, curled round, and completely hid her cunt, even +when standing with her legs slightly open; and when she pissed, she left +drops of piddle on the hair. On her that bush was handsome, but very +long hair is not generally handsome on a cunt, and I have disliked, it +on others; but it is not often found. I am describing here what I saw +more coolly, and often on future occasions rather than what I saw and +recollect of her cunt, on that night of exhausting pleasure. +

+

+I had now but little money to spare, but gave her a little from time +to time, and a great deal of bum-basting. One day she said, "I'm in +misfortune again." She was in the family way, had been so before by +Fred, but had managed a miscarriage. She now got one, but was seriously +ill, and sent for her mother, and when she got better she went home. I +sent Fred's money to her there for some time, then she wrote me to send +it to a post-office, and afterwards to send no more, at she was going +to be married. She hoped I would never tell Fred, that I would burn her +letters, and if I ever saw her, would not notice her. I never saw her +again. She wrote to Fred about her marriage, and he was delighted at it, +as well as at saving his money. I have finished her history, so far as +it was connected with me; and must now take up my narrative at a time +before this. +

+

+Friends were going to Paris, I went with them, and a jolly loose time we +had for a few weeks. I made acquaintance with six or eight of the best +baudy houses, and had women galore. Theatres, excursions, high-feasting, +unlimited whoring were the characteristics of my trip. I returned empty +in pocket, and knocked up with copulating, yet had had none of the +excitants, with women that I have had there since. I rushed at cunt +directly I saw it; my physical enjoyment was so intense, that I could +not dally with my prick, but let it satisfy itself as soon as it liked. +The varieties that Camille had given me left no taste for them. Cunt, +belly, and thighs, seen, felt, and fucked in regular fashion, was my +delight. Heaps of bills met me on my return. The thought of becoming +bankrupt horrified me. I disposed of my remaining property, paid all, +and was left with a few hundred pounds. I pass now over a short time of +which there is nothing to be said, but that I was economical in all but +women. +

+

+My remaining guardian and my mother had been always at me with advice, +which I entirely disregarded, and flung away money in all directions. +Had I only spent it on women it would have lasted years longer. That +which women had I do not regret, they have been the greatest joy of my +life, and are so to every true man, from infancy to old age. Copulation +is the highest pleasure, both to the body and mind, and is worth all +other human pleasures put together. A woman sleeping or waking is a +paradise to a man, if he be happy with her, and he cannot spend his +money on anything better, or so good. +

+

+Soon after, almost dependent again on my mother, who did nothing but +upbraid me, my hopes centered in my old relative, who had promised to +make me his heir. He was not so gracious to me as he used to be; he +murmured at my extravagance, and supposed that any money I had would go +down the same sink, by which he meant women. He died suddenly, just as +he was in greatest wrath with me, and left me nothing. +

+

+All hopes were dashed to the ground. Laura was my consolation till she +left. For a year of my life I was needy and discontented, but not so +miserable as I was fated to be. I pass over that period, there was not +much in the amatory line to tell of. Fucking is a commonplace thing, +the prince and the beggar do it the same way, it is only the incidents +connected with it that are exciting. Voluptuous, reckless, youth and +beauty together, make the vulgar shoving, arse-wagging business poetical +for the time, but it is animalism. +

+

+Then I committed a more fatal error than spending a fortune in jollity; +what it was will be guessed, it is only referred to here to connect my +history. I was then in my twenty-sixth year. +

+

+I add a few observations which on reading this written many years ago, +seems now needful to explain even to myself. +

+

+Most of my relatives lived in the provinces, and were wealthy. We +visited each other periodically, but distance (there were few railways +then) prevented them from entering into my daily life, still less my +secret life. Fred's mother was nearest to us, and as the episodes +show, she and her family were most mixed up with my affairs. An aunt in +London, childless and rich, gave me most money, and afterwards left me +a good sum. I cared but little about those living at a distance. With +a cousin from the North I had some rousing debauches, which were at the +time known to many of my family. He is still alive, but pious, and with +a large family, and would not like to know I am writing this. Jolly old +Ben, I won't narrate our sprees, for you may live to read this,—who +knows? +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XVI. +

+
+     Married, and miserable.—Virtuous intentions.—
+     Consequences.—Mary Davis.—A virtuous child.—Low class
+     fucksters.—A concupiscent landlady.—Reflexions on my
+     career.—On the sizes of pricks.—My misconception.
+
+

+My life was now utterly changed; married. I was quite needy, with a +yearly income (and that not my own) not more than I used to spend in a +month, sometimes in a fortnight. Every shilling I had to look at, walked +miles where I used to ride, and to save a six pence, amusements were +beyond me, my food was the simplest, wine I scarcely tasted, all habits +of luxury were gone, but worse than all I was utterly wretched. I tried +to make the best of my life and could when by myself be cheerful, even +in the recollection of the past fun; but there was that about me now +which brought sorrow over to me. The instant I saw her, she checked my +smile, sneered at my past, moaned over my future, was a nightmare to me, +a very spectre. +

+

+I tried to like, to love her. It was impossible. Hateful in day, she was +loathsome to me in bed. Long I strove to do my duty, and be faithful, +yet to such a pitch did my disgust at length go, that laying by her +side, I had wet dreams nightly, sooner than relieve myself in her. I +have frigged myself in the streets before entering my house, sooner than +fuck her. I loving women, and naturally kind and affectionate to them, +ready to be kind and loving to her, was driven to avoid her as I would a +corpse. I have followed a woman for miles with my prick stiff, yet went +to my wretched home pure, because I had vowed to be chaste. My heart +was burning to have an affectionate kiss, a voluptuous sight from +some woman, yet I avoided obtaining it. My health began to give way, +sleepless nights, weary days made me contemplate suicide. It seemed as +if I never could have happiness again, yet my physical forces, or +so much of them as lay in my generative organs, seemed unimpaired. I +neither drank nor debauched, and my prick stood incessantly; neither +random frigs nor night-dreams stopped it. +

+

+My only relief from misery was in thinking over the pleasures I had had, +yet all seemed such a long time past, that it was like a dream. Then +a desire to have other women became invincible. I had no means to get +those I had been accustomed to, and seemed to have no idea of going +economically to work for my pleasures, but at length began to walk +through streets inhabited by very poor gay women, in a neighbourhood I +had known in my early youth. Then I found out other poor quarters, +and one night with but a few shillings in my pocket, after thinking of +throwing myself into a canal, I found myself at a spot where women of +a somewhat better class lived in its centre, and on its outskirts very +poor harlots. +

+

+"I will,—have I the money?—can't help it,—if one won't another +will," and I slunk into a street, half ashamed of entering it. Saw girls +standing at doors, never paused for selection, nor to see if one looked +nicer than another, it was cunt I wanted. The moment I turned the corner +of the street, I cared not who or what, as long as she had a petticoat +and what it hid from sight. I took the nearest. +

+

+"Will you let me have you for five shillings?" was all I uttered. I +recollect it as well as possible, hanging my head, ashamed of my offer, +and not looking at the girl, ashamed of being seen in the neighbourhood. +

+

+"All right," said she turning round. I followed her through the little +narrow passage of a four-roomed house into a little room with a bed +on one side of it. I looked at her, and she at me for an instant only. +"Here are the five shillings," said I. "Shall I undress?" "No." "Shall +we get on the bed?" "No, at the side,"—and whilst speaking I had half +lifted her on to it. Laughing with a peculiar chuckle she fell back, +pulling up her clothes. I saw plump thighs, dark hair, felt giddy, could +not see, recollect opening the lips, and began to spend as the tip of my +prick touched her cunt. Following the spunk as it shot up the passage as +it opened its way, with one thrust I was up her, and had finished. +Fifty times in my life up to the time I pen this, has a similar rapid +ejaculation occurred to me when randy. +

+

+"Didn't you want it!" said she. They were the first words I recollect +being uttered as I bent over her. How divine she seemed. "Let me do +it again." "Oh! you ought to give me a little more." "I'll give you a +shilling, it's all I have I fear; but more if I have it." "Very well +then," said a soft voice. Oh! what a heavenly few minutes they seemed +to me,—they still seem to me,—as I fucked her again. First and second +fuck must have been all over in five minutes. I had not un-cunted. +

+

+"Pull it out," said she after an interval, my cock still keeping in her; +but I kept close to her, and up her. "Be still dear, do pray,—I'll see +what money I have." My hat and my great-coat were on, it was cold, I had +only unbuttoned my trowsers enough to get out my prick. Keeping still up +her, I thrust my hand into my trowsers pocket, pulled out all the money +I had, and put it on the bed beside her. "See, it is all I have, every +farthing, a little more than I said,—let me do it again,—there is more +than seven shillings,"—and pressing well on to her haunches, I began +wriggling my prick. +

+

+She turned her head, looked at the money, but did not touch it. "Very +well," said she in a low voice, "but take it out,—don't make my chemise +in a mess, I have not another clean,—don't make a mess on the bed if +you can help it." "I shan't." "Yes you will, you have spent such a lot, +it's running out now." +

+

+I withdrew. She took a towel which was close at hand, wiped her cunt and +spread another for her bum. I threw off hat and coat. Soon now we were +both on the bed, I up her, and leaning on my elbow for the first time +really looked at her. Up to that moment cunt, cunt, nothing but cunt +was in my mind. Now I saw that her eyes were blueish, her hair dark and +wavy, I recollect our staring in each other's faces for a minute or two +without speaking. A candle on a little table close to the bed showed a +strong light on us sideways; then we both fucked with vigor, and Mary +Davis spent with me,—she spent with me, that poor little gay woman. +

+

+"You are a nice poke," said the girl. I got off the bed, sat on a chair +by the fire, and looked at the merry face of the little gay woman as she +smiled at me whilst washing her quim. The pleasure I had just had, +the entrancement of the carnal pleasure contrasted so strongly with my +misery at home, that I burst into tears, and sobbed like a child. She +rubbed her quim dry, then silently came up to me, put her hand on my +shoulder, and stood without uttering a word till my passion was over. +"Are you unhappy?" said she in a gentle tone. Yes I was. "Never mind, I +dare say it will be over some day—we have all got unhappiness." +

+

+Her kind voice and manner—she a gay woman who owed me no kindness—so +contrasted with the coldness elsewhere, that it made me worse and again +I sat sobbing, and taking no notice of her; she still standing with her +hand on my shoulder. +

+

+"Have something to drink," said she. "Yes,"—but recollecting myself, +"No, I have no money, I have given you every farthing I have." "Never +mind,—do you like gin?—I do." "Yes." She called out to the landlady, +"Fetch me a shilling's worth of gin, and mind you don't take any,—mind +a shilling's worth fills this bottle to here (giving the landlady a +large medicine bottle), don't take any, and I will give you a little. +I'll pay for the gin," said she turning to me. +

+

+I sat looking at the fire. "You have not washed yourself," said she. +"No, are you unwell?" "No, I think I am all right, but we can't always +say you know, and it's best to wash after us,"—and I washed. +

+

+I took hot gin and water, and got cheered, even began to smile when she +said, "You are a gentleman, ain't you?" "Yes I think so." "I am sure you +are by your manner, but you are poor I suppose." I told her the entire +truth, my heart was so full, I told this strange gay woman all my +trouble, all my misery, wanted more gin and water, and having in my +pocket a gold pencil-case, a gift of an aunt's, "Get some more gin," +said I, "take this and pawn it, for I have no money." She would not. "I +am sure, if you say you will bring me the money, that you will. I will +pay for more gin." +

+

+So sitting, talking, and drinking gin and water, she sitting opposite to +me listening whilst I told my troubles, and my burst of troubles over, +relieved by my confidences, I became aware that she was plump, fleshy, +good-looking, and had a mild sympathetic eye. Up to that time cunt alone +had fascinated me, now I thought of the woman, and a liking for her +because she seemed kind stole over me; desire to have her, caress her, +spend in her on that account, rather than a desire for her cunt alone, +thrilled through me as I looked at her sitting half facing me by the +fire; her clothes slightly raised, that the warmth might reach her +limbs, one elbow on her knee, the hand supporting her face turned +towards me full of interest. And so an hour or more ran away. +

+

+"I want you again so, but I have no more money." "Never mind, you may +have me,—shall I undress?" "Oh! do,—do,—how round and plump you +are,—but I have no more money." "Never mind,—give me more when you see +me again. Come into the bed,—see the sheets are quite clean,—no one +has slept in them, I take the clean ones off every night, and put on +others before I go to bed,—stop with me all night." We both undressed, +and jumped into bed together. I was frantic with pleasure as I cuddled +up to her plump warm body, and felt her from her neck to her knees; +rolled over her, and kissed her, till I settled down between her thighs; +and then Mary Davis and I fucked, and laid still, and then fucked again, +and so on, till I could do it no longer. +

+

+It was three in the morning. "Stop all night," said she, "I will give +you a nice breakfast in the morning." I would not, had a strong desire +to keep up appearances of propriety and happiness at home, if I had not +the reality; so with a sigh rose, and dressed, borrowed a shilling of +her, and went out into the street. Silent and dirty it was, and raining +hard as I walked home to my miserable bed. +

+

+At dusk next day with impatience I went off to Mary Davis', gave her +what I had promised, and money for that evening besides, and when I had +had her, we sat down and talked again. +

+

+She was a short woman about nineteen years old, plump without fat, but +as nicely covered as any woman I ever saw; had a big bum, large thighs, +plenty of room between them, and dark hair on her cunt which had +strongly developed lips, it was large outside in proportion to her size. +She had a soft, kind face, beautiful grey eyes, nearly black hair which +draped naturally, and was altogether as nice a little woman as one could +have wanted. I have wondered often how she could have settled down in +a neighbourhood of coster-mongers, and taken five shillings for her +person, when she might as well have been a two-sovereign woman, had she +tried elsewhere. I put her up to trying at a future day, but she never +would. +

+

+Her room was about twelve feet square. A large bed took up one third +of it, a table next the only window, two chairs (one easy), little +cupboards in the recesses by the fire-place, on which stood china and +glasses, a small wash-hand stand, a chest of drawers, with slop-pail, +coal-scuttle, and looking-glass completed the furniture. All was +scrupulously clean, the bed-linen white. +

+

+Having broken my virtuous resolution, I never regained it, and for a +week fucked Mary from six in the evening till two the next morning. My +week's amusement cost me about two pounds, but then that modest sum +was too much for my pocket, so I left off for a while, and gave Mary a +chance of keeping her other friends. They were mostly poor clerks, she +told me, and married men better off, who gave her a pound, or at times +paid her rent if in arrear. She paid I think but twenty-five shillings a +week for her board and lodging together. My too exclusive attentions for +a week had prevented her regulars from coming. There was lots of cheaper +cunt in the neighbourhood so to send them away with full balls was +dangerous. +

+

+The house was kept by an old man and woman, he a carpenter almost too +old, yet who went to daily work. He used to fetch gin and beer for us. +There was no lodger in the house. They were a decent couple, and after a +time I used to talk to the old woman, and when Mary once went away ill, +she got me a beautifully shaped girl, I had offered her money to get me +a girl of about fourteen years of age, a virgin. The streets about there +swarmed with girls and boys who played about at night, I could hear +their smutty language as they ran after each other yelling, laughing +and quarrelling. She tried, but never could; she was not a woman who +undertook that sort of thing, but the money tempted her. "There are lots +of girls about," said she, "their mothers don't care what they do, but +you want a virgin,—Lor! where's she to be found?—when they's about +thirteen or fourteen years old they won't be kept in, they is about the +dark streets at night, and Lor! if you heard what I have in the streets +where the costers' barrows is, of a night!" And so the old woman +intimated that all the young girls of that select neighbourhood, were +got into by the coster boys, and that a virginity was a rarety at +fourteen years old. I afterwards groped several young girls in those +dark streets, and there was certainly no obstacle to my fingers +searching their cunts. +

+

+"I thinks I knows a steady little gal, whose mother's just died, her +father ain't no good, and you and Mary must ask her in; I can't have +nothin to do with it except gettin her here." One day afterwards she +told me she had asked the girl to tea, and that she was as curious as +could be to know all about it (meaning fucking). "She knows as much as +we do," said the old woman with a chuckle. "Was far as talking goes and +she would like to know as much as them as does it as well, but she is +timid; there is three of them, she is the eldest, the father leaves her +in charge, you shall see her." Mary Davis had gone home ill. The girl +was brought in, I sent out for gin, a nice little girl she was, and she +drank some of it. The old woman then left with a wink. The girl took my +kisses very well, never said a word, so getting on by degrees I talked +to her about naked people, and getting children, felt her ankles and +legs, then told her I would give her a shilling if she would feel my +cock. She did not say a word, but stood still, my arm round her waist, +whilst I pulled out my stiff prick. Then she bent forward curiously, +whilst I put her little hand round it, and guiding it, pulled the +foreskin down from the tip. Then I put my hand up her clothes, and felt +her thighs and bum; but on bringing my hand to the cunt, she broke away +in tears saying, "Oh! no sir,—I would rather not sir,—I'm much obliged +to you sir for showing it me, and the shilling; but I would rather not +sir,—oh! let me go, let me go,—Mrs. Smith,—Mrs. Smith." The old woman +was listening, and came in instantly. "Oh! what are you doing to +her?" said she in a whining tone, "what is the matter my dear?—don't +cry,—oh! you should not sir,"—and winking at me, away she went with +the girl; then came back, said the girl was scared, and she feared it +was no go. "But if you heared her talk, you would think she would let +any man do anything with her." +

+

+Half-an-hour afterwards the girl had composed herself, and came back. +I had more gin, the old woman again left us, the girl had another +shilling, and again she felt me. I began talking to her about the +parsley-bed out of which children come, and generally on the subject of +generation and its working tools. "Now dear don't be alarmed (she seemed +as timid as a hare), you know what a cunt is?" "Yes," said she, "it's +a nasty word,—poor mother told father he was a beast cause he said it +when drunk." "Well my dear, something comes out of a man if he puts this +up a cunt, and that gets children,—lay hold of my prick, and you will +see,"—and guiding her little hand I frigged myself with it. But she +cried out when I attempted to feel her cunt, and I never had her. The +old woman said she was frightened to bring her again, that she and Mary +Davis might manage it together, and when Davis came back I wished her +to try, but she refused to have anything to do with it. The lech passed +away, for it was but a whim. At that time I liked large well-haired +cunts. +

+

+I am anticipating, for this took place nearly two years after I first +had Mary Davis. That girl got fond of me, and I liked her. I got a +little better off, and used to give her more money; but she always took +what I gave her contentedly. The only thing I can remember out of the +common course of lecherous events in such acquaintances, is that I took +one for spending over her, used to fuck up to spending-point, then pull +out my prick, and frigging it, emit my semen on to her belly, breasts, +or thighs; then I began fucking again, almost directly I had discharged +and looking at my spunk lying on her flesh. When my pleasure came on +again, I would put her hand on to my spunk; and directly her fingers +touched it, it fetched me, and she as well, although she always said it +was a dirty trick. But I only did this a few times. I began also to use +French letters, for reasons she advised me to do so. +

+

+The neighbouring streets were full of poor gay women. She heard that I +had been seen going into a house in the neighbourhood, and cried about +it. Her health got bad, her womb began to fall, and the doctor said she +was not strong enough for a gay life. She told me she was the daughter +of an under game-keeper, that a young tradesman kept company with her, +she liked him, and he said he meant to marry her. Bringing her home one +evening when she had got out on the sly, they felt each other's privates +on the road. Very soon after she and one of her sisters were allowed +to go to some village-dance. Her sister walked off with her sweetheart; +Mary's young man took her to some cottage, did it to her twice, and then +walked home with her. She did not know whose fault it was; his or hers, +for from the night they had felt each other, she thought of nothing else +till she had his prick up her. Her father found it out, she ran away to +London, became gay, and had never lived in any other house but the one +I visited her in. "Whenever I saw him after he had felt me" (her lover) +she would say, "I felt in a flurry all over, and could think of nothing +else, I longed to feel his hand on my thing again,—she soon did." +

+

+She went home ill, came back, her womb got worse, she went to a +hospital, got thin and fretted, again went home, and I never heard more +of her. I had great pleasure in her society, it was my greatest solace +to tell her all my misery, for she was a complacent kind creature. It +was wonderful to see how clean everything was in that little square +room, yet with the exception of the fire-place, she cleaned everything +herself. At about two o'clock in the day she was dressed, and standing +at the door, to catch passers by. She never spoke to them unless they +spoke to her. She was to me at first a novel experience but I soon had +plenty of experience of the poor class of women in adjacent streets. +

+

+I found it not wise to go into the streets well dressed, so put on old +things, drew my hat over my eyes, assumed a slouching gait, and walked +along slowly, talking to the women till I found one I liked. Their +salutation usually was, "Come here dear,—come and see what I have got +to show you." "What?" "Such a nice cunt,—such a lot of hair." "Such a +fat arse," would say another. "How much will you let me for?" "What you +like,—come in." "I have not much money,—let me look at your cunt for +a shilling." "Come in then." Another would say, "Make it two, and I'll +strip." Many a cunt I have seen for a shilling. If I did not like it, I +went further on, or into the next street. +

+

+The street-doors were usually open, the women when dressed lolling just +inside them, with head out, but dropping back if they saw a likely man, +and addressing him as he passed in loud or low tones, according to their +cheek. If a woman I had had and expected to see was not visible, my way +was to step inside the passage, and listen at the door; if through the +key-hole I saw a light, or heard voices, there was business on. If in +the evening the outside shutters of the room were closed, I knew the +woman was engaged for a long time, perhaps her own man, a cab-man, a +costermonger, or some man of similar class was with her, if late. The +women there though about the same price, or cheaper, had quite different +manners from the Waterlow road ones. There were rarely more than one +woman in a house, and always on the ground floor, the landlord or lady +living in the back room, or upstairs. The rooms were mostly let to +working people, who seemed quiet enough. +

+

+Lots of children were about, who played in the streets at day, but +disappeared if quite young towards dusk. If a man stopped and talked +to a gay woman at the door, the children of the house usually went in, +always did if more than about ten years old. They drew back as if they +knew that a bargain for fucking was to be struck, and I believe knew +all about it. They were mostly girls who sleeping in the same room with +their parents, I dare say had seen the game of mother and father played +often enough. The bigger girls frisked about the streets of an evening +with boys of the same age, or not much older. +

+

+If a woman could get you to enter the passage, she almost pulled you +into her room. "Come in,—don't stand there,—come out of the way of +the lodgers,—I'll tell you if you come in,—well make it +half-a-crown,—I've got such a nice cunt,—such a fat arse,—feel my +bubbies,—look here,—come in, and let me feel your prick." +

+

+This was all said rapidly, and according to the inducements the woman +had to offer. It generally ended in my going in, and the bargain was +completed inside. "I'll frig you,—do anything you like,—look here +(showing rapidly her breasts, and covering them up again),—here is a +big pair of legs (pulling her clothes up),—yes you may fuck me how +you like,—oh I yes I want to piss bad." I have heard this hundreds of +times. Once inside I never came out without paying something. The women +always said or did just enough to wet my appetite for knowing or seeing +a little more, so I paid, and often enough was disappointed, and left; +but saw a lot. +

+

+In these streets about seven in number, during a period of two or three +years, I had many women, even whilst I visited Mary Davis. I dare say +fifty women I fucked, and felt as many more before I ceased going to +the neighbourhood. Two or three of the adventures there are alone worth +writing. At one house I was robbed of a pin whilst actually fucking the +woman. +

+

+A tall broad-built woman of about thirty, was loll-at a door one night. +I do not recollect having seen her before, for I knew many women by +sight, even though I had not had them. She looked like a coster's wife. +I should have passed on, but for the lewd way in which her eyes met +mine. I stopped, she instantly looked rapidly up and down the street, +went back inside the door-way saying very loudly, "You want my lodger, +but she has left here," but as she said this, she stepped inside the +front room, and beckoned me in both with hand and head, her eyes wide +open, and looking anxious. Slowly I followed in. She was so big that I +thought I should like a feel, and if I liked that would pay more, and +have more. "I'll give you a shilling to feel your cunt." "Very well," +said she standing still, and not attempting to lift her clothes slightly +as most of the women used to do. I got my hand on her thighs, she pushed +it away, retreated towards the bed and sat on it. I took out a shilling, +and as usual put it on the mantel-piece. "There is the money,—let me +now." She no longer resisted, I felt her, and she opened her legs to +facilitate my groping. She put her hand on my shoulder. "Is your cock +standing?" said she in a whisper. "Yes feel it," said I unbuttoning. She +grabbed at it as if she meant to pull it off. +

+

+Her manners struck me as uncommon, and I began to feel uncomfortable; +but under the squeezing of my cock, and the feeling of her cunt the +usual desire to leave one's sperm up her came over me. "Let me fuck +you,—I'll give you two shillings more." Without reply she fell back +on the bed, I began to throw up her clothes. "Oh! no I can't let you +do that." I had when with strange women just then been using French +letters, and the fear of infection came over me when she would not +submit herself to my inspection. "You have got something the matter with +you, and I shan't, I said. +

+

+"Nothing of the sort," said she angrily, "I'm not gay,—I'm the +landlady,—I am married, and have three children,—they are abed in the +next room,—you may see them if you like. My lodger's gone,—you've been +here afore to see her,—I've seen you afore,—but I'm not gay, and can't +have anything the matter with me,—it's impossible." All this nearly +in a whisper. Astonished I laughed. "Don't make a noise," said she, +"I don't want the lodgers to know I am in this room, they know it's +empty,—come on," and grasping my prick again, she surrendering herself +more freely to my investigations. +

+

+"Where is your husband?" "Away on a job in the country; I haven't seen +him for three months, and have not been touched for that time, so help +me God; you may do it without fear,—there then look, if you must," +said she, letting me throw up her clothes, and look well at her cunt, +which I opened. "I'm a quiet woman." Then she turned round, twisting +herself so that she could get hold of my cock as I stood pulling her +about. "Come on my dear." The next minute I was spending up her. +

+

+"Go on, you were so quick,—go on," said she in spasmodic utterances, +jerking her bum, clutching me to her, and using the same endearments +as any other woman,—women are all the same, from the princess to the +peasant. I had spent quickly, but shoved on as well as I could, and in a +second or two with a sigh, her cunt relaxed. +

+

+I moved out of her quickly, for fear of the ladies' fever haunted me +a little. She lay with her clothes up to her navel, till I had washed +myself. "There is no towel or soap," I said. Then she moved. "I'll get +you some,—but don't afear me,—hush!—don't make a noise,—wait five +minutes for me, lock the door, and put out the light." I stood aghast at +this request; it was in a low neighbourhood, costermongers, tramps, and +even a nest of thieves I had heard was not far off. "What the devil does +she mean?—what game is up?" came across my mind. "I won't put out the +light," I said. "Well hide it in the cupboard, lock the door, and if any +one knocks don't answer,—perhaps my late lodger's friends may come, not +knowing she has gone,—I don't want any one to know any one is in the +room." This was all said in a whisper; she went out, shut the door +gently, and walked to the back of the house, leaving her three +shillings. I heard her footsteps, and faintly afterwards the sounds of +talking in the back room,—the partitions in the poor houses were thin. +

+

+I dried my tool with my shirt and sat on the bed, looking round at the +poor room, wondering what dodge was up. She did not return, and thinking +over the incidents, came to the conclusion that she was not a gay woman. +There was just that difference in manners, in getting on to the bed, +in taking her pleasures, and in her whole behaviour about the fucking, +which there always is between a woman however loose she may be, but who +does not fuck professionally, and the regular trader in her charms. I +saw it then, and I see it still clearer writing about it now. +

+

+Nevertheless I began to think of leaving, feeling uneasy as she did not +return for more than ten minutes. With my hat on, I was just about to +run off, after hearing a man's footsteps pass along the passage, when I +heard a voice cry up the stairs, "Mrs. Brown, Mrs. Brown, I'm going out +to get a mouthful of fresh air,—if the children cry, will you see to +them?" A shrill voice replied, a female step passed my door, into the +street. A second afterwards the door slowly opened (I had unlocked it as +I heard what I supposed were her footsteps going along the passage). In +she came, holding up her finger for silence, then quietly closing and +locking the door, she stood smiling at me. "Don't make a noise, they +think I am out," she said. +

+

+I looked fully at her now, my lust satisfied. She was a big woman of say +thirty years of age, coarse, common, but clean; she had a dress on which +opened in front like that of a woman who suckles, and some sort of cap +on her head. I did not know what to make of it, for she stood as if +waiting for me to speak. I did not, and taking the candle, she put it +down on the floor by the side of the drawers, or something of the sort, +and remarked, "They won't see the light through the crack of the door +now." Again a man's heavy footstep was heard. "That's my upstairs +lodger," said she when she noticed my listening. +

+

+"You are really not gay?" said I. Then she repeated what she had said +before, and sat on the side of the bed by me. "You have big breasts," I +remarked. "Yes I was a fine woman, every one said before I married." It +is impossible to be near a woman without wishing to ascertain her hidden +charms. In the hurried embrace with her I had thought of nothing but +cunt. At that time of my life, to see a woman, to long for her, to make +my bargain, and to fuck her, was often an affair of not much more than +ten minutes; it was only after the fuck that I looked well at the female +I had pieced. +

+

+"Let me feel them," I said. She hesitated, but I undid the dress, and +felt two breasts large and white, and pulled one out. "My nipple is +spoilt with suckling," said she, "I've not yet done giving milk." "Let's +have you again." "Yes,"—and she got on to the bed. "Let me see your +cunt." "Oh! no,—don't,—I won't." My suspicion came back; with my prick +out I still hesitated. "I've not washed myself since you did me," said +she. "Well wash your cunt." She took my basin, and washed herself. Then +I had a look at her cunt, and again fucked her. Lord how she enjoyed it, +and so did I, that big coarse woman; but she would not let me look long +at her belly, perhaps marked through child-birth. She had thickish, +lightish brown hair on her quim; it was a cock-squeezer too, and how wet +it got in our copulation. I remarked it to her. She said, "I'm wet, and +no mistake." +

+

+I lay on her afterwards, my prick dangling against her cunt, and talked. +Her husband was an artizan away on a job, she kept the house, and let +lodgings; her husband was half his time away. "You've seen the girl who +was in this room,—I recollect you,—I've seen you in the street more +than once,—You've been with the woman opposite. I didn't mean anything +till you spoke and stopped, but I'd been dying for it, been wishing +almost I were gay; the gal opposite had just gone in with a man, and I +was wondering what my husband was doing, and just then you stopped and +looked, and I thought I'd let you. Do it again," said she slipping her +hand between our bellies, and grasping my bal-locks. And I did it again, +as soon as I could. +

+

+"I've never had another man but you and my own man I'll swear,—ask in +the street, they will all say I'm respectable,—but don't tell on me. I +frig myself almost every day, if you must know, but that don't satisfy +me, a woman who's had three children,—if I'm in the family way now, I'm +in a mess, but I'm not so much to blame, am I?—think, three months away +from your own man I—but I tell you as you spoke to me I was a dying for +it,—the girl who was here in this room used to say, 'Well Mrs. ——— +you are a fool to pass your life almost without a you know what.' Well +I was a dying for it, and she and lodgers would always tell me what the +men did to them; and yet I never have had but you." So we lay talking +for a time, she answering my questions, and sometimes volunteering +remarks; but never leaving go of my prick, and every now and then +saying, "Ain't you a fine man!—you just are a fine young man!" +

+

+There were noises at the street-door, men were talking, a smell of +tobacco reached us. "It's the upstairs back," said she, "he will +stop there till he have smoked two pipes, so for God's sake don't +leave,"—and she sunk her voice lower. "Oh! I must put out the light." +Saying so, off the bed she got, blew it out, and got on to the bed +again. There we lay quite another hour, speaking in whispers, feeling +each other's privates, never washing, the spunk drying up as our hands +fumbled about each other, I talking baudy, and telling her what +gay women would do, she telling me she knew all about it, for her +ground-floor lodgers were always gay. I asking questions about herself, +heard that my cock was about the same size as her husband's. Wondering +at the tightness of her cunt, as she had had three children, she said +that the size was the same as before she had had a man. If she got in +the family way she would be in a mess; she did not think she should, +as she had not quite done suckling. She did not know how she managed to +keep so firm and plump, for she had meat only twice a week. "What then?" +"Potatoes and herrings,"—did not know what she would do, if she did not +get another lodger soon to pay the rent,—she often could not pay for a +meal. +

+

+About two o'clock in the morning there were lumping boots going +upstairs. The lodger had gone to bed. We lighted the candle, I washed +(there was still no towel), and no sooner had I washed than she laid +hold of, and kissed my prick, stooping to do so,—and then we fucked +again. +

+

+We parted, she took my money. "I will keep this," she said, "it will +help me." I said it was for her. She let me quietly out, begging me +never to mention what had taken place between us to any gal in the +street. "Though they won't believe you if you do, for I have a good +character. I've seed you often go in with them." I had fancied no one +ever saw me in that low street, and wondered if any other person had +recognized me there. +

+

+I never had her again. Once or twice I saw her at the street-door, but +so soon as she saw me she rushed in-doors, and I had too many fresh and +younger women at hand to care about her. Here was a case of a woman who +could not restrain herself, owing to the long absence of her legitimate +doodle, and gave way to her uncontrollable passions for that night. That +was the only conclusion I could come to. +

+

+Then soon afterwards I had the clap. Mary cried, and declared she had +not given it me, and I am sure she had not. Then almost for the first +time I began to use cundums, or French letters, as they are called. +I did not like them, but had suffered so much from gonorrhoea, that I +carried them in my purse in readiness. +

+

+My experience with this poor class of women was soon considerable. +Satiated, sick of them, yet I continued to frequent them for the simple +carnal pleasure of coition. There was no sentiment about it, no liking +for the women, for though their manners sometimes amused me, they more +frequently shocked me, and the poverty of some distressed me; but I had +no money for choicer entertainment. My vigor was great, my pleasure in +copulation almost maddening, a cunt was a cunt, and I got my pleasure +and relief up it, whatever its owner might have been. A sensuous +imagination aided me. When once my prick was up a woman she was for the +time more or less invested with charms, and her imperfections forgotten. +I used to shut my eyes, and fancy I was stroking a houri with the finest +limbs and ivory flesh, and could fancy all this up to the moment of +ejaculation, I fancied thighs and cunt which were not those of the woman +who was at that moment doing her best to please me. +

+

+There were occasions when the women when naked revolted me, my prick +refused to stand, and I departed without copulating, but those occasions +with this class of women are not worth noting. I have been subject to +this sudden revolt and prostration, sometimes even when the woman was +most beautiful. Nervousness, fear, some sudden dislike, and even most +ridiculous reasons have caused it. +

+

+I should have mentioned that gradually it had taken hold of my mind +that my prick was a very small one. How this notion first arose I cannot +quite trace, I certainly had it in a degree when a youth, and it became +stronger owing to the remarks of some French women. The men I saw +fucking at Camille's had very large pricks, and no doubt they were +selected on that account for exhibition; but I did not know that then, +and used mentally to compare mine with theirs, and also with those of +some of my former schoolfellows, and to my disadvantage. +

+

+With many harlots of both high and low class I had talked about size; +each told me of men who had big pricks, rarely of those who had small +ones. Experience has since taught me that harlots like talking about big +pricks, for size affects their imagination agreeably. Of ridiculously +small ones they make mention for a laugh, the average sizes pass without +their notice. I used to ask them how mine compared with the big ones +they spoke of, and got at last into my head the erroneous opinion about +my own machine. At times I would produce it with an apologetic remark. +"My prick's not a very big one, is it?"—and was much pleased when the +woman's reply was complimentary. I know now from the inspection of many +men's, that mine compares very favorably with the average, and is larger +than most; but for many years I was of a very different opinion, and at +times was almost ashamed of my prick, so much so that when a woman said +it was as large as most, and many said that. I did not believe them, +still less did I believe them when they said it was a handsome prick; +then I thought they were hum-bugging me. +

+

+Now as I add these few words written years after the foregoing, and +after having seen some dozens of pricks, both languid and erect, I know +what they said was true, and I know that there is a size, a form, a +curve, and a colour in pricks which makes some handsomer than others, +just as undoubtedly there are ugly and handsome cunts. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XVII. +

+
+     Irish Kate.—Drink, heat, fleas, and French letters.—The
+     bricklayer afterwards.—I give luck.—The lost breast-pin.—
+     The cholera's victim.
+
+

+One hot night in summer I slouched along one of the streets, and stopped +in front of a woman who stood lolling against the door-post. I recollect +her and my first sensations perfectly well, her white face, and dark +hair hanging behind her in a net, her low dress, low in front,—showing +a luscious neck and bust as white as her face. Her dress was of a very +light colour, so her neck and face must have been white indeed to look +so white by contrast. The street-door was close to a street-lamp, which +shed a strong light on her face as it was turned upwards, and with +her hand and arms folded behind her she lolled, her back against the +doorpost. She was a full-sized woman, but young, and exactly what +pleased me then; black and white, young and full of flesh. I stopped, +and gazed at her. She fixed her eyes vacantly on me, but neither moved +nor spoke to me. +

+

+There were gay women standing at doors not far off, common men also at +some stood smoking. They understood the habits of the neighbourhood, and +never took any notice when a strange man and woman talked together at +a door. I did not like to speak to a woman if others, or men were near, +and would at times walk about till the coast was clearer. But this girl +struck me with strong lust suddenly. "I'll give you a shilling to feel," +said I. No answer, but she kept staring at me. "Half-acrown then," +thinking my offer too small, and stepping inside the passage to get +out of sight. "Come in," I said. She made no reply, never took her back +quite from the wall; but turning herself round, continued looking at me, +her head slightly moving about as if she did not understand. +

+

+Staggered at this behaviour I was coming out again to leave, but her +lovely look fixed me. "I'll give you five shillings," said I, "to have +you." "Have me," said she, "have me what?" Her voice was thick and +broken. She turned into the passage. "Will you let me have you?" "Come +and fuck," said the husky, thick voice. She passed me, stepped heavily +into the room, staggered to the bed, and then I saw she was drunk. I +had not noticed it before, being absorbed in her fleshy beauty, and the +desire to see her cunt, and all of her, and join my body to hers. +

+

+There was a single candle in the room, fluttering, and needing snuffing, +but no snuffers. I snuffed it with my fingers. The room was in disorder, +the pot full, water in the basin, the bed unmade, the whole place the +picture of disorderly, drunken, harlotry. A nightgown was, lying on the +floor, clean linen on a little table. It looked so miserable, that I +thought I would go away at once, so took out five shillings, and laid +it down. "There is the money," I said, "I shant stop." "Come and fuck," +said she in reply, rolling on to the bed, and pulling up her clothes. +She had but a gown on, nothing else. Thighs and legs as white and fat +as her neck came into sight, and a thicket of hair at the bottom of her +belly as dark as the hair on her head. The sight altered my intention, +I walked to the bed, and placed my hand on her cunt. "Fuck me," she +blurted out in her drunken voice again. I felt wild with voluptuous +delight, as my eyes gloated on the big breasts and thighs to where her +garters and stockings hid the flesh from view. All was dazzling white +except a nearly crispy-haired cunt in the middle of it. The contrast was +exquisite, was absolutely dazzling. +

+

+A strange train of ideas (how oddly they spring up at such times) came +into my head. "You've just had a man," I said, "your cunt's wet,—you've +just been fucked." "He ain't fucked me for three days,—we have been +a drinking gin, we have,—he paid, he hain't fucked me,—you fuck me," +said she making a grab at my prick which was buttoned up yet,—"fuck +me,—you shall fuck me." All this was said in a hoarse, drunken, +incoherent manner, but the "fuck me" with a sudden violent energy, as +if she suddenly felt a stinging desire to have her cunt stretched. +"Fuck,—I'm bloody randy,—where's your prick?" +

+

+I took the light, pulled open her thighs, almost put the candle in +her cunt. She let me do just as I liked repeating, "Fuck me." She was +beautiful, her white firm flesh, her big round thighs, the lovely +globes of her arse would have excited the dead. "Pull off your gown." "I +shant." "You shall." I helped her up into a sitting posture, and +pulled it off in an instant. Then she fell back naked, showing peeps of +black-haired armpits. The next instant I was up her, and injected her. +How beautiful she seemed as I moved my prick up and down in that cunt, +spite of the drunken manner, and the miserable surroundings. +

+

+A most violent letch for her took hold of me. The women in the streets +I have described had fine women among them, but for the most part they +were plain in face, indifferent in form somewhere, and hideously coarse +in manner; but the beauty of this woman was so great, I forgot all +her coarseness. When I came to myself after my pleasures, she was +fast asleep. She had perhaps spent, that and the liquor called gin +overpowered her, and she forgot her business. Then the biting of fleas +worried me for half-an-hour, I spent my time in hunting for them, and +scratching myself, snuffing with my fingers the only tallow candle, and +now and then holding it over her to look at her beautiful face, +naked body, and unwashed cunt. The heat was intolerable. To be cool I +gradually took off all clothing but my shirt, at last took off that, and +then sat at the edge of the bed naked. I pulled open her legs, each lay +just as I placed them, wide apart. I held the candle between her thighs, +and opened her cunt-lips. Masses of thick sperm lay over her cunt, and +hid the entrance of the prick-hole. I played with it as my baudy fancy +dictated, frigged her, dipping my finger in the spunk below, and +then rubbing it on to her clitoris till it was dry, twisted down her +cunt-hair till it was wetter, and played every trick which a lascivious +fancy dictated. Gradually I stiffened under this exciting amusement, and +throwing my naked body on to hers, fucked her again. God only knows if +she knew I was fucking her, or not,—I don't. She awakened after I +had spent, turned on her side, and when I tried to get her on her back +again, she swore. +

+

+Whether the slight dozing had relieved her brain, or whether the fumes +of the liquor had evaporated, I don't know, but she soon became more +conscious, and though stupid, yet more awake. Her voice had still the +thick utterance, her answers still those of a person only partially +understanding what was said to her. I expect I had excited her passions +by my fingers, and not by what I said, for after awaking she again +blurted out, "Fuck me,—I want a fuck." A grab at my prick showed that +she knew where to find the means of giving herself pleasure, and I gave +it her. Then I dozed. +

+

+Knocks at the door aroused me, and a shrill voice cried out, "Kate, +Kate." I listened, "Are you alone?" said the voice. I shook Kate, and +awakened her a little. "Some one is knocking at your door," said I. "Oh! +damn,—arseholes," said she turning on her side, and dozing again. +

+

+"Kate,—knock, knock,—Kate, are you alone?—I'm going to bolt the +door,—they are all in," said the voice. +

+

+Kate made no reply, I was dressing, so opened the door. "I'm here, and +am going directly." "Is she drunk?" said the woman. "I think she +is." "Do you know her?" "No." "Well I will leave the door open." "I'm +going,—wait." There lay Kate dozing. When dressed I said, "I have left +five shillings on the table." "Awake her," said the woman (for I heard +and saw it was one). "You had better." "Kate, Kate", sung out the +woman. I shook Kate, who turned, opened her eyes, and said, "Oh I +damn,—don't." "Come in," said I to the woman. She did, and shook Kate. +"Oh! arse-holes. She's been lushing for three days," said the woman. +"Mind there are five shillings," said I, and disgusted I left, resolving +never to go near the drunken beast again. +

+

+But the woman had made a great impression on me. I was always, even +quite early in life, taken with a crummy woman, quite as much as with +a pretty face; and although so low a woman, I longed for her again, +and before many days sought her. It was on a blazing hot afternoon of a +summer's day, the sun shone brightly on the front of the houses on one +side of the street, the other was in shade. A street with perhaps a +dozen carts and wheel-barrows through it in a day, where children played +in the roadway, and women sat on the footways. I went along slouching on +the shady side, slowly looking, and not quite recollecting the number of +the house, and saw Kate sitting on a chair on the footway by her door. +

+

+She looked up vacantly as I got close to the house, with that look which +a low-class woman has who thinks the man above her, and not likely to +take her. "Come in," I said turning into the open door, and she followed +me, bringing her chair. "I'll give you five shillings," said I. +"All right." "Take off your dress." "All right, but give me the five +shillings first." I gave it her. She began undressing, her gown off left +but her chemise. "You don't want my chemise off?" "No,—lay at the +side of the bed." She laid herself down, threw up her chemise, and +the lovliest pair of thighs, belly, and cunt that ever man saw were +disclosed. To look, to open its lips, and thrust my prick up her were +the work of a minute. I roared as I touched her. I am told by women +that at that time of my life, when thoroughly randy and I saw the cunt +I liked that I gave a low roar as I closed on it with my pego. Kate told +me that I did so this time, when my prick first neared her thighs. I did +not then talk when in a woman's embraces; but fucked in silence. +

+

+I pulled out my prick, "Lay still,—keep your thighs open,—let's see +your cunt," said I trying to keep her in her position. "Oh! arseholes," +said she closing her thighs, and getting up, and looking at me. +

+

+"Did you get your five shillings the other night?" said I, "you were +drunk." "Lor! are you the gent?" said she breaking out in a laugh, "I +didn't know you,—now I see you are like him,—yes I was lushy,—so +you've come agin.—Lor!" and she laughed. "How often did you fuck me?" +I told her. "Sit down, and talk," said she, and we both sat down on her +little cane-bottomed chairs. +

+

+"So you fucked me four or five times,—I don't know if I spent or not, +damned if I do,—think of your lying there, and being bitten by the +fleas,—the room was washed out yesterday, there ain't no fleas now. +So you pulled me about,—what a beast, rubbing your spunk about on my +cunt.—but Lor! a cunt's the proper place for it." After a few minutes +similar conversation she suddenly said, "Let's fuck agin." "Well let's +strip," Off went her chemise without reply. Gloating over her I stripped +naked, and was soon on her, and up her. She had not washed. She enjoyed +it. How we hugged each other's nakedness! The first words she uttered +afterwards were, "You are a bloody fine fucker,—where did you learn to +fuck so well?" giving me a vigorous kiss, and squeezing her cunt up to +me as she said it. +

+

+I washed, and wanting soap (she had none), she went to the door, and +called out for some. The woman brought it. Then there was no towel, +and again standing naked at the half-opened door, she called out to the +landlady to lend her one "I shant," said a voice, "you have now got +two of mine." "Oh! arseholes," bawled out Kate slamming the door, "the +bugger won't let me have one,—here dry your prick with my chemise, it's +quite clean." +

+

+Kate stood naked looking at me as I rubbed myself dry with her chemise, +bending slightly forward, holding her fingers under her cunt. "What a +lot you've spent," said she putting down the basin with my water in it, +and beginning to wash. "That's not clean," I remarked. "Oh! it's all the +same spunk," she replied, and afterwards, "You may look at my cunt if +you like," and she threw herself on the side of the bed, thighs wide +open. She was faultless. I pulled a chair to the side of the bed, and +contemplated her cunt at my leisure. The dirty white blind down in the +window only just mellowed the light, it was as light as day, I could +have hunted crabs, had there been any in her motte-thatch. +

+

+She asked me to give her gin. Some was sent for, then we sat drinking, +she taking it neat, I mixed with water. "Let's fuck," said she again, +and we fucked. More gin, more fucking, she was quicker to want fucking +than I was. It was getting dusk, then she said, "You're going, ain't +you? I want to make a few shillings to-night,—my rent's due to-morrow." +I gave her another five shillings, made her piss in the basin, and we +fucked again. I was fucked out, and at last she spent twice to my once, +our bodies were sticking together with sweat as we fucked. Then for +a few minutes we went to sleep. "You are a gent," said she, "I likes +you,—I hopes you'll come agin, and see me,—I likes a real gent." +

+

+As I went out I saw a man standing on the other side of the road looking +like a bricklayer. Turning back after I had gone a hundred feet or so, +I saw him cross the road, and go into the house. I went back, the +street-door was as it always was, open. Stepping inside I heard a male +voice through Kate's door, a woman came out from the back. "Who do you +want?" said she. "Kate." "Oh! she has got a friend with her,—shall I +knock?" "No," I replied, and went my way. I didn't like the idea of +her having a working-man after me, or before me. I was not then a +philosopher, "But what does it matter?" said I, "a man's a man." +

+

+I saw Kate next day, and told her she had had a man after me. "Yes +directly,—a chap I knows had been awaitin an hour, and he come in in +a hurry. 'I'm done', says I, but he would,—he's a rough un, and he'd +fucked me before you was at the end of the street." "Why you had not +washed your cunt." "No," she laughed, "the bugger went right into +your spendings,—he never knowed, and I had a good un of a cove +after him,—you brought me luck. I've got two new chemises, and four +towels,—let's fuck,—let's fuck," said she laying hold of me, and +unbuttoning my trows-ers. My balls hung over her bum in no time. +

+

+I visited her at intervals for about a year. She had the whitest flesh I +ever saw, and was very beautiful in face; the hair grew exceedingly +low on her forehead, yet it did not disfigure her, from her neck to her +calves her form was perfectly voluptuous, but she had big feet, and her +hands were large. I could not bear to see her feet in great boots, and +when looking at her lovely form used to keep my eyes from them. Her cunt +was perfectly beautiful and small; black, white, and carmine were never +more exquisitely blended. +

+

+She was revoltingly coarse in her talk, and even when sober her voice +was rough. That I did not like, but her language disgusted me. To +anything she did not like she said "arseholes," said it more frequently +than any other word until I stopped her. "Give me some gin," she would +say. "No you have had enough." "Oh! arseholes." Every body also was a +bloody bugger, or a bloody shit. She was lewd on me for a time, and made +me fuck her more than I wanted, but as I checked her foul language she +became indifferent to me. "Oh! I'm obliged to hold my tongue I suppose," +then she would sulk, and then, "Well let's have another fuck," and all +would be right till I stopped her foul tongue again. +

+

+Half her time she was drunk. I would go there, not see her at the door, +then call out to the woman, "Is Kate in?" "Yes she's drunk, I ain't +seen her since the morning." Sometimes her door was locked, nothing then +roused her, and away I went. At other times she was in the bed, or +on it, and all but insensible. Several times I fucked her, put five +shillings in her pocket, and left without her knowing I had had her +until afterwards. +

+

+I had now fits of timidity, and used French letters at times, even when +she was quite sure she was all right. One day when she was very drunk, I +had her with a letter on, and as my cock dwindled out I eased the letter +off it, and with my finger pushed it well up her cunt, and went away +without paying her. I should like to have known what she thought when +she found the French letter up her. I never alluded to it, and she never +did. Why I behaved so I don't know, it is a wonder to myself. That night +I had entered her room, and left unobserved by any one. +

+

+When she was a little drunk only, she got spoony, and I could not get +away from her, she would lay hold of my prick, and keep to it. "I can't +do it again Kate." "Get on me, and I'll make you,"—and she usually did. +Then as liquor overtook her she ceased to wash her cunt after fucking, +would turn on her side, and go to sleep. I left her often snoring with +her cunt full, the money on the table. +

+

+It always was a wonder that she kept such a beautiful skin and look, but +she did; and always was cool, fresh, and healthy-looking, even if she +had been drunk for twenty-four hours previously. Her breath and body +were as sweet as milk, yet she never had a bath as far as I know, but +performed all her ablutions in a little basin, throwing the water into +the street when she had done with it. I have seen her wash from head +to foot that way in a quart of water, and a wet rag, and when done she +looked like ivory. +

+

+She was called Irish Kate, why?—I never knew, nor did she. She was not +Irish. +

+

+I had words with her one day, having lost a diamond pin. She had been +pulling me about that night, but the same night I had been into a house +with two women, and had felt their quims. I offered more than the value +of the pin, but never got it back. After that I did not go near her +again for a long time, but at length so longed for her that I did. She +cried with joy, and kept me fucking till my back.was well nigh broken. +

+

+Then I was for some time out of England. On my return, burning with +desire, I went one night to her house. She had died of cholera, which +was then raging. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XVIII. +

+

+Costermongers' children.—A small girl, mother, and mangie.—A French +letter fetched.—Young Gallows' exploits.—The customers' linen.—A +hard-fleshed bum.—Invitation to anus.—A strange letch.—One big +with child.—Fucked for a sovereign and pleasure.—A creole.—My +misery.—Reflections. +

+

+Close by Kate's was a street with a carriage way, at one end narrowing +to a footway only. On one side a row of small houses, on the other a +very high blank wall. Costermongers' barrows and carts stood in the +carriage way at night; clothes-lines with ragged garments hung across +the street in the day. One dark night prowling about, cunt-feeling young +girls and baudying generally, I went up this street. I had been up it +before, and loved to hear the boys and girls chivying each other among +the carts, hinting baudiness as they caught the girls, and kissed them, +the girls squealing when liberties were taken with them. Occasionally +standing in the shadow of the carts, I listened whilst a man would +stealthily go up against the blank wall, a woman follow him. I would +stand feeling my prick till I saw them come away (in two or three +minutes usually), and rush into Mary Davis' or Kate's to get a relief +for my excited ballocks. There was but a feeblish light in the street, +and in one part of it none. +

+

+As I passed I saw a small girl standing inside the door of a house, +and thought I would like the little one. Sometimes I wanted the biggest +woman I could get, sometimes the smallest. She took no notice of me, I +repassed, and there she still stood. "Is she gay?" I wondered, "she does +not look it." Lots of girls and women not gay stood in a similar manner +in those streets. Again I passed, and stopped. "Will you let me come in, +and give you a kiss?" "Yes sir," said she stepping back. +

+

+I stepped in after her, one or two steps down. The room was below, and +entered direct from the street. A miserable place; on one side a +mangle, on another a poor dirty bed, a tile floor, dirty walls, wooden +furniture, all miserable. Had I known, I should have been horrified at +entering such a hole, but in my lust I thought of nothing but the young +girl, of the probable hairless cunt, of her little bum, her smallness +and freshness. She looked fifteen years of age, and was quite short. +

+

+She closed the door, and looked. I looked at her. "I'll give you five +shillings." "All right sir." "Let me look at your quim." "All right +sir," said she getting on the bed. I pulled up her clothes, and saw +the little thighs, and the little cunt with a very small quantity of +lightish brown hair on it. How tight it was to my finger! I took the +guttering candle. "I'd like to fuck, but am frightened,—let me look +well at your cunt." "I'm all right," said she putting her fingers down, +and stretching open the lips, "quite clean indeed sir." "When were you +fucked last?" "It must be a week." "Arn't you every night?" "I don't +get the chance," still laying on her back, and stretching her cunt-lips +open, "I only go to the door quite late, when the neighbours have gone +in, cause they ain't gay close here." The house was the last in the +street where it narrowed to a footway. +

+

+I raised her up, laid her lengthways on the bed, and put my pego into +her hand, but fear came over me, and it would not stand. "I must do it +to you, but play with it a little." She laid hold of my prick. "It's not +stiff." "No my dear, frig it." She began. "Do you like feeling a prick?" +"I likes feeling men's things," she replied, "they are such funny +things, first little, then big, then little again." +

+

+"How old are you?" "Over fifteen, mother says." "Where is your mother?" +"In the back room,—look it's getting bigger, I did not think it would +be so big,—don't hurt me with your nail sir please," said she frigging +away clumsily, and when it was stiff leaving off, but looking earnestly +at my pego. I kept probing her cunt with my fingers, wondering at its +smallness. +

+

+A desire came to make her youthful mouth utter baudiness. "Say cunt +dear." "Cunt." "Say fuck." "Fuck." "You know what fucking is?" "Putting +that into this," said she with a chuckle, "ain't you going to do +it?—I'm quite clean." "Let me look again." Again the little hand down, +and stretched the lips. I prepared for action, again fear seized me, and +down my doodle drooped. "No dear, lay still, and I'll frig myself over +you,—turn on your belly,—let me see your bum,—there that will do." I +put some spittle on her bum, and rubbed my prick against it, but longed +for the hole between her thighs. "Have you got a French letter?" "I'll +ask mother," said she going into the adjoining room. +

+

+In came a woman of middle age suckling a baby. "She will fetch one, give +her the money,—make haste now,—never mind your bonnet,—run,—run. She +won't be long," said the woman to me. +

+

+"Your daughter?" I said to the woman who stood suckling her baby, and +staring at me. "Yes sir." The baby took to howling. Swinging it about to +quiet it, she went on in a whining tone, "We are so poor, we are almost +starved, we are,—what was I to do for a living?—I've nearly lost all +since my husband's left me, and can't afford to keep a big gal like +that; if she will go wrong I can't help it, I can't send her out,—I +catched her with a young Gallows, and the mischief were done, it were, I +knowed it, and I knowed it would be, so I did,—I could not keep her in, +and the chap were allus arter her,—she must live, and she's better at +home doing that, than doing it away from me,"—and much of the same sort +in a whining, apologetic tone without stopping, without my asking. +

+

+"Has she been gay long?" "Bless you sir, it ain't more nor two months +since I catched her with young Gallows,—he is in qued,—serve him +right; but he'll be after her agin when he is out, he will." "Where is +your husband?" "Oh! the vagabond's gone off with a hussey, and left me +with three children,—this here's the last. Drat you," said she shaking +the infant which would not leave off howling. "Oh! here she is." +The girl entered the house with the cundum, and the mother and baby +disappeared. +

+

+The affair was not enticing, my cock was flabby again, but the little +wench's naked belly stirred and stiffened me. I prepared the letter. +"Did you ever see one before?" "Yes a gent had one here one night, but +he did not put his thing into it." "What did he do then?" "He blew it +out, and popped it off," said the girl. "Oh! you wet it,—let me see how +you do it,—does it not feel cold?—it's a nasty thing. Indeed I'm +all right,—gals has diseases from doing it I know, but I +ain't,—look,"—and again the girl distended her cunt-lips without any +modesty or affectation. +

+

+Fearful, but (as often was the case with me and French letters), my cock +and the letter would not agree. My cock stiff without it, drooped its +head directly the wet flabby sheep's-gut touched its tip. At length it +was over my doodle, and shoved up the little cunt after much trouble. +"It don't feel nice," said the girl. A few shoves more, and I lost all +prudence, pulled it off, and drove my naked prick with such a thrust up +her little quim, that she cried out. Her cry of pain gave me pleasure, +and fetched me. +

+

+No one can lay so close up to you as a thin girl, two stout people can't +stick together like two lean ones. As I came to myself the little girl +was wriggling under me. "Oh! dear, just as it was beginning to feel +nice,—why did you do it so quick?" "Do you want it?" "Oh! I do,—do +shove a little,"—and the little cunt squeezed itself up to my belly, +and wriggled my doodle in her. I accepted the invitation, the girl +spent, and I had a second pleasure up her, after I had pulled my prick +out for a minute or two, to inspect it. +

+

+She brought me a basin, soap, and a napkin of beautiful quality and +white. "Ulloh! is this yours?" "It's something we had to wash and +mangle," said the girl. "It's a table napkin." "Yes sir." +

+

+"Don't you make a living by washing and mangling?" "No," said she, +"we have lost our business, father ran away, took linen, and sold +it,—people won't trust us,—none of those who lost their linen,—others +don't know us. Thank you sir," as I gave her the five shillings, "we +don't have as much sometimes in two days." "Wash your cunt my dear." She +went out of the room, and came back saying she had washed it. I felt it, +and she had. Then I talked for an hour with her. +

+

+I was curious. "Tell me who first did it to you." "I shant." "It was a +coster lad, your mother has told me." "She has not." "She has." "Yes +it was a coster I knowed, he's been locked up for a row, and break-ing +windows,—he is seventeen." "When did he first do it to you?" "I shant +tell you," said the girl laughing, "mother's listening, I know she is." +I had the poor girl on my knee, was pulling her pretty tight little cunt +about. "I'd like to do it again," said I. "You may, and welcome," said +the girl. "Ain't you fucked every night?" "No, I wish I were,—to get +money." "Where is the five shillings?" "Mother's taken it, she always +does." I fucked her again, gave her a trifle more, left, and never had +her after. +

+

+Then I had a woman of a singular build: she was shortish, and had the +hardest flesh on her bum I ever felt, it was impossible to pinch it. +She was a very large bummed woman, it was quite out of proportion to +her size, so were her breasts. She was as near as I can recollect about +twenty, but had the form of a woman of thirty, her cunt was almost +hairless, and had no lips, the lappels and clitoris showed when she +was standing up with thighs closed; when her thighs were open her cunt +looked as if the lips had been cut off, she had lightish brown hair +and almost colourless eyes. Her room was ragged, and I always found her +cooking, she wore garters of ragged ribbon below her knees, and ragged +slippers. For all that I went to see her I suppose a dozen times, and +nearly always fucked her from behind, dog-fashion. The arse-cheeks were +so firm, that I delighted to feel, and slap them as I fucked; and spite +of her big bum I recollect no woman whose cunt I got further up in that +position, as I did hers. +

+

+One day she said whilst I was fucking her, "I thought you were going to +try the other hole." I looked, and her arsehole was as plainly visible +in the rear as her split was visible in the front. I can't tell now +how it came about, but know we began talking about that hole, and its +pleasures. One night from talking I got to action, she said she would +like her bum-hole broached. Such things were not to my taste, but egged +on by her talk I tried; then she said she was afraid it would hurt, and +although we talked more than once about it, and she always asked me to +try, it always ended in nothing, and I avoided her soon after. +

+

+In the next street a woman after I had done her said, "You have got me +in the family way." Something led to my remarking that I should like +to fuck a woman in the family way, and her saying that she knew one +who would be confined in a fortnight, a nice woman, a fine woman, her +sister, the wife of a mechanic, but badly off just now. I can't tell +what had made me take such a desire, but I said I would give a sovereign +to see her cunt and big belly, and fuck her, and would give five +shillings if she would get this for me, not believing she was a married +woman, or her sister, although the wench said so. +

+

+Asserting that it was no gay woman, and that a sovereign would be a +great help; she would go and see about it, if I would wait. Returning +she said that if I would really give a sovereign her sister would let +me, but that I could not stop long, for fear of her husband. We went +into an adjacent street of poor houses, but evidently with a different +class of tenants. She entered one, I waited close by till she beckoned +me in, then I found a decent young woman with an enormous belly who +asked me to show her the sovereign first, then to give it to her first, +which I would not. She dallied, and put off the affair, and I thought I +was hum-bugged. At length she got on to a clean although humble bed, the +other woman pulled up her clothes, I smoothed her belly, and with much +trouble got her legs open, and tried to see her cunt. +

+

+She resisted, but gave way under the persuasion of the other woman who +kept saying, "Do now,—what did you say yes for, if you meant no?—a +bargain is a bargain,—don't make a fool of me,—well if you are ashamed +now, you should abin afore," and so forth. At length I had had a good +look at her cunt. +

+

+Then I longed for a fuck, indeed took a letch for it, pulled out my +prick, and asked her to let me have her. "Not she," said the sister, +"you have seen all, and must be off, her man may come home at any +minute." The big-bellied one was much more quiet, laughed, I took out my +sovereign, wetted it with my spittle, and balancing it on the top of my +prick, told her to take it off, which she did in a very clever way; for +instead of taking it off with one hand, she shut one hand against the +other, enclosing my prick and the sovereign too in her hands. Both women +laughed, and the gay one said, "Well Mary, you've had more than one +man's in your hand now at all events,—you'll never tell Jack I'll +swear,—now go sir,—her man don't like me here, and he won't like +you, I'll swear." +

+

+My letch overcame me, I forgot how poor I was, and would have given my +clothes off my back for a poke up the cunt beneath that hard big belly, +so asked her again, and stood with my prick out, both women laughing. I +prayed her to let me again feel, and she consented. She was then sitting +down, I had to put my hands up her clothes, and stoop to do it, my back +was to her so-called sister. She laughed, and looking at her sister +whilst I felt her, caught hold of my prick, gave it a grasp, and +immediately relinquished it. Her sister did not see this done. +

+

+I dallied a few minutes with her cunt, and fancied that if the other +woman was out of the way the big-bellied one would be complaisant. So +I asked if there was good gin to be had. It was a bait that the sister +took at once. Yes there was. I gave her money to fetch gin, and to buy +a bun and a bottle of ginger-beer; a move to keep her out of the way as +long as I could. +

+

+I had buttoned my trowsers up, and ceased feeling and asking; but the +instant she was gone, out I pulled my stiff-stander. "Let me fuck you." +"Oh! she won't be long." "I won't be a minute." I flew to the door, and +locked it, the woman got up from the chair; made no resistance, raised +her bum with difficulty on to the bed, opened her thighs and we fucked +in a jiffy. It seemed that I no sooner was cunted than we both spent. +I unlocked the door, and by the time the other woman returned, not six +minutes had passed. The two sat gin-drinking a few minutes, and then the +harlot and I left together. +

+

+As I uncunted I whispered, "When your sister is gone I'll come back." +"Very well." The gay woman made off at the end of the street in the +direction of her house. Waiting a minute I returned to the big-bellied +one, who was at the door, we went in, and I locked the door. "My man may +be home at any minute," said she, "so we must be quick." I threw her on +the edge of the bed again, her cunt was still covered with my sperm, and +turning her arse towards me we fucked dog-fashion. She enjoyed it. +The instant my prick was out I was off. I never saw her, or her sister +again. +

+

+Both women were tallish, and spoke with a strong Northern accent. I +quite believe the one with the swollen belly was not gay. +

+

+These are the most noticeable events which occurred during the period of +my narrowest means. In that time I must have seen the privates of fifty +women, and copulated with nearly that number. Had it not been for their +pleasures, coarse as they were, I think I should have made away with +myself, so miserable was I. How I accommodated myself to the class I +can't imagine; for although a few were nice, prettyish, healthy women, +the majority were low coarse creatures, living in poor single rooms +which were often not clean; but both rooms and women were as good as +could be expected for the few shillings I gave for their pleasures. +

+

+My strong animal wants carried me through, and added to that perhaps was +a certain amusement in noticing the difference in manner between them, +and the highly paid Bonarobas, whose silks, satins, and laces I had +helped to pay for at the rate of a sovereign an hour, and often higher. +Besides as already said, my imagination helped me. When my prick was +up one of the ill-favored ones, and I was clasping a flabby backside, +I used to shut my eyes, and fancy some charming creature whom I had had +elsewhere. I cultivated these dreams in copulating. +

+

+Up to this period I had tailed a neighbourhood of free cunts, as far +as trifling sums would get them me. A shilling a feel, or a look at +the nudity, and for half-a-crown to five shillings at the outside for +complete enjoyment was a tariff generally accepted. +

+

+Then a remnant of my former fortune which had been in litigation was +settled in my favour, and I had a little ready money. Immediately I +left off frequenting the poor Doxies of whom I have told, and went to a +higher class, in a better neighbourhood. My money was soon gone, for I +had debts among other things to settle out of it. Whilst it lasted I +had some very nice women, among whom I shall always recollect a tall, +superbly shaped creole, with dazzling white teeth (a feature in women +which always has had a great attraction for me), and who was one of the +most voluptuous women in her embraces I ever yet have had; but she was +plain almost to ugliness. In the rest of my amours there was nothing to +need special notice, they were all fugitive, and the women were changed +frequently. +

+

+It is difficult to narrate more without divulging my outer life. I would +fain keep that hidden, but it is impossible, I shall however tell as +little as may be and obscure it, but without falsifying or distorting +any facts relating to my amorous pranks, some of which were not sought +by me. I fain would have led a steadier life, and wished a home with a +woman I could love; but I had an unquiet home, and a woman there whom +I hated in bed and at board. I tried at times to overcome my antipathy, +abstained from women for weeks at a time, so that sexual want might +generate a sort of love, but it was useless, without reward, and a life +of misery was before me. I broke out under it, wonder I did not break +down, and should have done so, had it not been for whores. Cunt came +to my rescue, and alone gave me forgetfulness, a relief far better +than gambling or drinking, the only other alternatives I could have had +recourse to. +

+

+And now I pass over a short period, in which I did much the same as I +have just written of, until a lucky sympathy brought me a happier change +in my amours. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XIX. +

+
+     My home life.—Heart-broken.—In the parlour.—Maid Mary's
+     sympathy.—Don't cry master.—On the sofa.—Both in lust.—
+     Impotent.
+
+

+I was still poor, but had got into an employment, and was living in a +small eight-roomed house. I kept one servant only, but was pinched to +keep up appearances. None of the outside world could have known how much +I was pinched. I went home regularly, sat for hours by myself reading, +brooding, fretting, and even crying bitter tears, at the time I take up +my narrative. +

+

+Our servant was named Mary. A tall woman about twenty-one years of age, +splendidly built, stout of form, and with big breasts and haunches. Her +face was lovely, her eyes almost the most beautiful hazel I ever saw, +its expression dove-like, her complexion as clear and bright as a rose. +She looked as if she ate three meals a day, shit regularly, slept eight +hours, and was fucked nightly, and was in brief a most lovely creature, +and the picture of health. She had a mouth filled with lovely teeth, one +of which was missing, and showed its absence when she laughed, it was +the only defect visible about her. Another handsome woman whom I have +had since, had also lost two front-teeth, which showed in a similar +manner, but that lady always smiled, and rarely laughed, so as to avoid +showing the defect. False teeth were a rarity in those days, and quite +beyond the means of poor people. +

+

+She had been with us about three months. There was mystery about her, +like a former servant of my mother's, she scarcely ever wanted to go +out. At times we heard her singing, at others sobbing, and it used to be +remarked that she was moping. I thought my wife knew more about her than +she said, but to her I spoke as little as possible about anything. Mary +was an indifferent but willing servant, was said to have come from the +country, to have been living with an aunt a short time in London, and +that ours was her first place. She was with us pretty well worked and +scolded, but not by me. +

+

+I had been struck by her beauty and her ways, which were winning, +friendly, and unlike a servant's, yet without being presuming, and I was +as kind to her, both in manner and word as I dared to be; but I had +been annoyed and suspected for speaking kindly to servants, and to avoid +strife was cold, even harsh to them in manner. Mary was witness of +the sullen domestic misery in which I lived. I had seen a pained, +sympathetic glance at me at times when she heard our wrangles, and was +confident that she pitied me. +

+

+Nevertheless I had no sensual intentions towards her, holding it as +fitting carefully to respect my home, whatever I did out of it. I might +have thought about her hidden charms and probably had had that tingling +in my prick which a pretty woman often gives a man however virtuous he +may be. But it went no further. +

+

+My last clap may have made me abstinent, or want of money had, or +perhaps other motives which beset a man who wished a different order of +things in his home affected me, for I know that for weeks I had barely +had an emission, excepting by nocturnal dreams; and though dying for a +genial fuck, yet avoided it, and worked at my occupation to get money +and forget my troubles. This woman changed all my resolves, and launched +me again into sexual pleasures. I may remark also, curious as it may +seem, that instead of fattening, and getting strong by abstinence, I got +just the reverse. Every time I spent involuntarily on my night-shirt, +I awaked fatigued, agitated, nervous. I lost appetite, got thinner and +thinner, and more and more miserable the less I had women. +

+

+One fine summer's afternoon I came home before my usual time, it was +about four o'clock P.M. Mary opened the door, she was alone in the +house. I went to my room, then came down into the parlours, and for a +time sat there looking into my garden and smoking. Grief overcame me as +I looked round at the home in which there was no one to welcome me, so +I walked into the garden, and saw the maid doing some work at the back +kitchen door. "Your mistress is out?" I had never on any day asked that +before, as far as I can recollect, not caring to know; and she might +have been upstairs. "Yes sir." "Did she say when she would return?" "No +sir, but it will be I dare say about the usual time." "When is that?" +"Half-past five, or six o'clock, perhaps later." I again turned down the +garden, and as that did not relieve my dullness, returned to the house. +I could not read though I tried, sat down on a chair by the dining-room +table, laid my head on my hands upon it, and thought of my unhappy home +till I cried bitterly. +

+

+A hand laid on my shoulder, a voice said, "Don't you take on so +Master,—don't you now,—she's not worth it,—cheer up,—don't you take +on so." I looked up, it was Mary looking full at me, her eyes full of +tears. +

+

+I started up astonished. "I beg your pardon," said she looking +uncomfortable, "I couldn't bear to see you so unhappy." Her interest in +me struck me to the heart, without premeditation I threw my arms +round her, pressed her mouth to mine, it unresistingly met it, and we +passionately kissed for two or three minutes; kissed till I recovered +my senses, my tears still running down, and then said, "Mary you +are kind,—you are a dear, good girl,—a good, affectionate, loving +creature,—I am unhappy, miserable, but how do you know that?" "How +could I be off of knowing?—how could you be anything else with +her?—but don't take on so Master,—she beant worth it,—and you so +good, and so kind,—I hate her when I look at her, and then look at you. +Oh! I beg your pardon sir,—don't say anything,"—and as if astonished +at herself, she disengaged herself, and stood looking at me. I closed +with her again, folding her tightly to me, and we kissed till we could +kiss no longer. My tears fell on her face, and hers ran down my cheeks, +so close were they together. +

+

+The parlours divided by folding doors mostly open, ran from back to +front. A sofa was close by the dining-table. "Sit down," said I. She +did. I put my arm round her neck, pulled her face to mine, and kissed +again that divinely pink and velvety cheek. Then her arm went round my +waist, and lips to lips, each instant we kissed, and sat and talked of +my miseries; yet as far as I recollect not the slightest desire to have +her had then come into my head, all was delight at my trouble being +shared, at a kind, soft, pretty woman commiserating me. +

+

+After long talking and kissing, and looking at her, a sense of her. +great beauty suddenly struck me, just as if I had never noticed it +before. I recollect telling her so. +

+

+Then a thrill of desire shot through me and staggered me. I trembled as +the want overtook me, and drew her closer to me, kissed more fervently, +and sighed. She sighed. My lust had kindled hers, and yet I had not +spoken of it. My hand went on to her knees, I felt the thighs gently, +felt their plumpness through the summer clothing, slowly my hand dropped +lower kissing her all the while, and bending her forward with me, as I +bent forward, with my dropping hand. +

+

+A long pause. I scarcely knew why, and then my hand went still lower, +till it touched her ankles, still kissing her, and bending her with me +(oh! how well I recollect it), then my right hand went quite slowly +up her clothes to her knees, and there I stopped, frightened at my +advances. Opening her eyes she gently repulsed me, and murmured, "Oh! +Master,—Master,—what are you doing,—pray don't." Her eyes were filled +with soft passion, her resistance physically would not have moved a +butterfly, but morally she affected me. I became conscious of what I was +driving on to un-premeditatingly. +

+

+I desisted, removed my hand, but passion now controlled me. I kissed +again. "Let me feel, oh! let me dear feel you," bending her forward +with me, I replaced my hand. "Oh! Master pray don't,—think what you +are doing,—of who I am," said she lovingly. "Oh! I won't," said she +sharply,—but too late, my fingers were on her clitoris, I had begun +that gentle twiddling which always ends in fucking. "Oh!—no,—oh!— +pray." Voluptuousness had overcome her, her mouth was glued to mine, her +eyes fixed on mine; gently they closed, then opened, always looking +into mine. Her breathing was short, she was past thought, she was mine. +Gently pressing her back on the sofa, she raised her limbs, I lifted her +clothes, and tearing open my trowsers threw myself on her. My fingers +for an instant touched her cunt, a rapid probe, and then my prick! My +God! it was not standing, not a bit of swell or stiffness was in it, it +was as a sucked gooseberry, a mere bit of dwindling, flexible, skinny +gristle, a piece of loose, flabby flesh, and nothing more. +

+

+I had been occasionally, but rarely suddenly unequal to love's duty +as already told, had gone home with gay women, my prick standing as I +entered their houses, then suddenly it had shrunk, something about them +having upset me. Occasionally it was a sudden fear of the ladies' fever, +or something looked less inviting when their petticoats were off, than +I had imagined when drapery hid their charms, or else the fear that my +prick would be thought small. At other times I could not account for it +at all. I told my doctor of it. He said that it was nervousness, but the +knowledge that I had once been so affected, affected me often afterwards +when I went indoors with girls. "Shall I be able to fuck?" I used to +think, I who had already fucked two hundred women. But so it was, a fear +of inability brought on inability. The power often returned to me a few +minutes afterwards, yet sometimes not for hours. +

+

+There was nothing to account for it now, I had more or less abstained +for weeks, there lay one of the choicest female forms ever presented +to man's eyes, a dark-brown crispy-haired cunt with a tiny bit of pink +clitoris showing between a large pair of thighs like ivory, and a sweet +face above turned on one side with eyes closed, and blushing a yielding +up to me. And I liked the woman, felt mad for her, yet as my prick +rubbed against her pleasure-pit, it became useless. I got up, looked at +her as she lay motionless with thighs extended, stood almost frantic, +frigged my prick, probed her, and again threw myself on her as I +stiffened; but no sooner had my prick touched her beautiful cunt, than +as if bewitched, it shrunk from entering it, I could not even thumb it +up. +

+

+I broke into a sweat. "My God what will she think of me?" I dreaded +to get off, and look her in the face, feeling so ashamed, I kissed her +taking her head in my hands, again got off, kissed all round her cunt, +and smelt its inciting aroma, asked her to be still, said I should be +all right directly. So time wore on, she never moving excepting to push +her clothes down as I rose and exposed her, nor opening her eyes, nor +uttering a word. "My God what is the matter with me, I don't know but I +can't," I said at last. Then she put quite down her clothes, and sitting +up on the sofa gave me a kiss, said, "I must go, and see about laying +the things for dinner," and off she went. +

+

+I did not stop her, but was glad when she left the room, being so +ashamed that I could not look at her. It was a relief not to have to +speak, to excuse, to explain. I was reeking with sweat from exertion and +nervous anxiety sat thinking and frigging, felt sensation of pleasure +without stiffness, and only stiffened after half-an-hour's rubbing. With +prick out and in hand, downstairs then I went, she was boiling potatoes. +

+

+"Mary come up, come, I am all right,—let me." She would not. "I can't +Master, I can't,—what will Missus think if she finds nothing ready?" Nor +could I induce her. I incited her by talk, she kept on ejaculating "oh!" +to my baudy remarks, and blushing like a rose; but I could get no more. +"If Missus comes home, and sees you through the area, what will she +say?—Pray go up Master." Yielding under the fear of being surprised, at +length up I went to the parlour. +

+

+I knew she would be up to lay the cloth, waited in the parlour till she +did, keeping my prick in hand, and trembling with anxiety. When she +had laid it, "Now," said I, "look here." "No,—no,—no,—Missus may be +home,—pray think of me." But a stiff prick close to a randy woman is a +great persuader. "Come dear, come," and I pulled her. Again she was down +on the sofa, again that divine belly was under me, again as I opened the +lips of her cunt my prick dwindled to nothing. "Hush! there's Mistress' +step,—there is the front-gate slamming. Get up,—get up, oh! let me +get up." Upstairs I rushed to my own sitting-room as I heard a knock at +the door, and had only time to button up my disgraced doodle before I +heard the woman tramping upstairs to our bed-room above. How I loathed +her! +

+

+Half-an-hour after that I sat down to dinner, having composed myself. +Mary brought up the dishes. The instant I saw her my cock stiffened, +it kept stiff all the evening, I could not sleep for it, was tempted to +fuck, or frig myself, but did neither, feeling sure I should have Mary, +and would not spend a drop of my sperm till I did. "What does she think +of me?—will she believe I am a man?—will she let me again?—when shall +I get the chance?—what enervated me so at the critical moment?—oh! my +God if she lets me, and I am seized so again, what shall I do then?"—and +so on ran my thoughts. I lay planning how to get her the whole night, +and awakened haggard and unrefreshed in the morning. +

+

+Then I reflected less nervously. "My finger has been up her cunt," I +thought, "no pain, no recoil,—how quiet she laid,—then she has been +fucked before,—then what must she think of me?" and so on ran my +thoughts till I was in an agony of disgrace. My haggard look was +noticed. I was worried, and should not be home to dinner. "Why?" That +was my business. Well then she would spend the afternoon with Mrs. +———— would I fetch her? Yes at half-past ten o'clock. She wanted to +come home earlier. Then she might come by herself. Well then she would +wait for me till half-past ten. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XX. +

+
+     The next day.—On the door-mat.—On the sofa.—On her
+     belly.—Eight hours fucking.—At a brothel.—An afternoon's
+     amusement.
+
+

+Instead of being late I went home about two P.M., just after luncheon +time. "Is Mary alone, or not?" I thought, and had arranged for that. I +waited in a cab, told a boy to take a letter to No.—but not to give it +unless the lady was at home; if she were not, to bring it back to me, +and he should have a shilling when he returned to me. If asked, he was +to say he had been told to leave it, but not to say by whom. The letter +was properly addressed, but inside was a sheet of blank paper only. Back +he came with the letter,—the lady was out. +

+

+Even then I was not sure, so drove up and down two or three times in +front of my house, to see if I could discover any signs of Mary not +being alone, and then I dismissed the cab. My prick had been standing on +and off all day, I was in a fearful state of nervous erotic excitement. +When I thought of her beautiful belly my prick nearly lifted me off the +seat, the next minute I had fears of being taken as I had been the day +previously. Would she let me now?—would she be in the mood?—would she +not laugh at me, instead of putting her arms around my neck, and her +eyes fill with tears? My heart beat audibly with these tumultuous +thoughts as I knocked at the door. To my horror I felt my prick +shrinking as I stood on the landing feeling it through my trowsers +pocket. +

+

+Mary opened the door, surprise in her eyes, and a slight look of fear. +"You sir!" "Is your Mistress in?" "No sir." To step inside, close the +door, place my arms round her, and kiss her rapturously was the work of +an instant. She kissed me, and I her for a minute, and glory to God +my prick was like a rod of hot iron standing up against my belly, and +throbbing to emit its juices up the dear girl's cunt, against which its +poor little tip not twenty-four hours before had dangled and rubbed so +uselessly. +

+

+A stoop, a struggle. "Adun now—Master,—you shant,—oh! you musn't," +and again I was upright, my lips on her sweet lips, my finger on her +clitoris, her face scarlet with modesty, her eyes closed. What woman can +long withstand that irritating, voluptuous, restless movement, of the +male finger on her cunt? Soft words now, "Oh! don't," as I stooped down +to lift her petticoats, and she pushed them over my hand. Another slight +struggle, again our lips meet, again my finger rubs the smooth clitoris, +now her hand grasps a hot prick, and with her lips to mine she +stands with her back up against the wall of the passage close to the +street-door on the door-mat. So we stand kissing and feeling, I don't +know how long, for who can count time in such delights. +

+

+"Come to the parlour, come." "No, no,—oh I pray." I edged her along, +one hand still up her petticoats, she trying to push them down. "No I +won't,—there now." "Do Mary dear,—let's do it,—I'm a man,—let's do +it,—look, look how my prick throbs for you,—it will spend." Removing +my hand from her cunt, I seized hold of both her hands with mine, and +began gently dragging her along the passage to the parlour, she leaning +back gently resisting, I leaning back tugging her, my prick red-tipped, +stiff, and throbbing standing out in its randy glory between us. +

+

+I got her into the parlour, a flood of sunshine struck full on us from +the back window as we did so (windows both back and front in the long +room). There she seemed half unconscious. Kind of heart, pitying, +liking me, her splendid healthy physique, her fully-developed passions, +passions of which she had tasted the full pleasure, but which had been +for a long time ungratified, were roused to intensity by the feel of my +prick, by my groping her cunt, by the excitement of the position; all +had relazed her nervous system, and absorbed her in voluptuousness. +What did she think? Did she think at all?—did she ever know? How can +I recollect what I thought in that maddening moment of fierce desire to +have her? I grasped her round the waist, and pushed her to the sofa. No +resistance, not a word was said. My arse knocked hard against the table, +and hurt me. She is down on the sofa, her petticoats up, I see the +creamy flesh, large round thighs, the dark hair on her cunt for a +second, I am on her, up her, a slight sob as my prick goes up with the +thrust of a giant, and we are spending in each other's embraces, mouth +to mouth, belly to belly, prick to cunt, ballocks to bum-cheeks, almost +the instant I had covered her, and grasped her smooth fat buttocks. I +have no sense of time, all is oblivium and elysium at the same time. +

+

+Our sighs of pleasure are over, there is no uncunt-ing, no stopping; +but with rigid prick still up to its roots in her cunt, on again we +go fucking in earnest. Now is the higher pleasure. The first was a +maddening desire for each other, a fuck finished before it was begun. +Now we are fucking with soft pleasure, and the thoughts of the greater +pleasure to come, of my spunk to spurt, of her juices to ooze to meet +it, in a cunt already flooded. I recollect smoothing her hair back from +her forehead as I fucked, of kissing and meeting her tongue with mine, +and spending with rapture, then waking from a doze, and finding her half +asleep, I on the top of her, my cock still up her. My trowsers not let +down had ridden up, and were cutting me tightly under my balls with a +painful sensation, and all this was on a narrowish sofa, a modern cheap +bit of furniture unlike the grand big one in mother's house, on which +many a servant had had her cunt basted by me. +

+

+She lay with her beautiful head on one side, with eyes closed, with her +long hair falling loose, and her cap tumbled off. As I lay I loosened +my braces, and little by little took the strain off my testicles, and my +balls fell down into their natural position. I put my hand down to feel +how my prick lay, the sperm was oozing out all round it. I wanted to see +her quim, and pulled out, then putting my hands against the sofa-squab, +I pushed myself gently up, rose on to my knees between her thighs, and +looking down saw the sperm between her cunt-lips. +

+

+She opened her eyes, pushing gently down her clothes; but the glance had +been enough. With prick still stiffish down I fell on her, and was up +her again in the twinkling of an eye, lodging my prick in preparation +for another fuck. +

+

+Now all is clear, our lust assuaged. "I've fucked you,—I'm a man you +see," I cried triumphantly. She closed her eyes, my prick came out, +I pushed it back, again out, again up, and so on for a time. A long +business was fucking now, long friction, no result, then a long rest, +our genitals joined, their hairs glued together, yet no fear of a +failure. My machine went on ramming, moans of pleasure at length came +from her, her hands clasped me tightly, and with a heave and cry of "Oh! +my darling," she again spent with me, my prick aching with its labour of +love. +

+

+Then I dozed an instant on her, she seemed asleep, I was squeezed +uncomfortably next the wall, my prick satisfied with its duty, at the +first movement left her cunt. I moved her to get off, my trowsers had +dropped to my knees, entangled my legs, and I gently fell on to the +floor, catching at her outer thigh, and pulling it off the sofa as I did +so to break my tumble. Up she sat dazed, her petticoats above her knees, +I at her feet, looking intently where her closing thighs hid the seat of +our pleasures from me. +

+

+"Oh! my gracious!" said she starting up, and letting down one +front-blind quite, and half of the other (there were two windows that +side of the room). The brilliant sun had lowered, and came into the room +in a flood of radiance from the Back-window, and the room was light and +bright throughout its long and narrow length. Although in a very wide +street, the neighbours from the houses opposite could easily have +seen right into our room, could have seen us on the sofa. Usually when +sitting in the room at that hour of the day, we kept down the blind +of the back-window to prevent this. Worse than that, the steps to the +street-door were so close to, one front-window, that by stretching +forward (very much it is true, but I had done it), any one could see +into the room, even on to half of the sofa on which Mary and I had been +amusing ourselves. What an awful risk we had run. +

+

+We looked at each other anxiously. "Oh!" said she, "if any one saw us!" +I looked through our blind. Every blind in the houses opposite was drawn +down to shut out the sun. Then I sat by her side, did nothing but look +at her for a time, so delighted and satisfied was I at having vindicated +my manhood, until she rose to go. That aroused me, and I stopped her. +

+

+"Let me go." "No." "If Mistress comes home—" "She won't." "She may." +"No,—I've fucked you,—you thought I was not a man, did you not?" "Do +let me go." "Come up again then." "Well presently." "You are going to +wash your cunt." "Hush Master." "You shant go." "Now let me." "Kiss +me then." We kissed and kissed. Could I do it again? The idea of her +moistened cunt inflamed me, I pulled her back, thrust my fingers on to +her cunt spite of her resistance, and never shall I forget the feel +of that and her thighs. "It's dirty of you," said Mary, and disengaged +herself she rushed downstairs. I followed her into the back-kitchen, +were she washed her quim in a wooden bowl, but did not dry it. I chaffed +her, then we went into the front-kitchen, sat down, and looked at each +other without speaking, like two amorous cats, she blushing, and turning +down her eyes as if she guessed what was in my mind. At length I blurted +out what was there, I always did it till much later in life, and I had +grown wiser. "You've had it done to you before to-day." "Oh!" said +she starting up, then sitting down again, and bursting into tears, "Of +course I have,—poor fellow,—poor fellow,—why did he leave me!" +

+

+Embarrassed and sorry at such a consequence of my speech, I tried a few +words of comfort. She dried up her tears, and began her household work. +I followed her about, talking, kissing, and putting my hand up her +clothes, until in due time we adjourned to the parlour, and then again I +fucked her, this time on the hearth-rug, the sofa-squab under her head, +the sofa was too small for comfort. +

+

+Time was before us, all seemed delicious, the domesticity of the amorous +amusements, the passion with which she returned my embraces, her +modesty and enjoyment were all so like the days when I fucked my mothers +servants. The difference between her sensuous embraces and the matter of +fact fucking at five shillings a head I had been so long accustomed +to, overwhelmed me with gratification. We had tea. Then as I had had no +dinner, and there was none for me, I ate bread and cheese, and opened a +bottle of port-wine, and in an hour we fucked again, and again. At nine +o'clock she had supper, and we fucked after it. She sat on my lap, I +played with her cunt, she with my prick, and we kissed till our lips +were sore. But nothing would induce her to let me see her limbs, nor do +more than feel her cunt, and take my pleasure in it. +

+

+From two in the afternoon till ten at night was I feeling her quim, +kissing, and fucking. We were both exhausted. I got into bed intending +to say I had come home ill, took a pill to open my bowels, and begged in +a pot that night to keep up the sham (there was no closet in the house). +As the street-door bell rang I was in my night-shirt, standing by +her side, trying to frig my prick up to standpoint. In bed I jumped, +downstairs bolted she. In ten minutes it was, "Don't make that noise, +I have a billious headache." I never closed my eyes that night, could +scarcely believe what had occurred, and tossed and tumbled, thinking +of the pleasure I had had. Though we had been nearly eight hours doing +nothing else, it seemed not an hour. How often I fucked her I don't +know, it seemed as if I was at least half of the eight hours up her +cunt, which is absurd; but it was one of my greatest feats in the +fucking line, the longest and most pleasureable. +

+

+Next morning, haggard, jaded, worn out, the billious attack got the +credit of it, I laid abed all the morning, and went out late. When at +business I fell asleep, unable to work, came home at about the same time +as on the previous day with no idea of chance favouring me, but it did. +Mary was alone, and we fucked as hard as we could. She laid the cloth +and dinner-things my sperm dripping from her cunt. I had just spent up +her as the street-door bell rang, buttoned up my trowsers, turned on my +side on the sofa, and shammed sleep. "Is your Master home?" "Yes Mamm, +he seems quite ill." "Where is he?" "On the sofa, fast asleep I think +Mamm." Again the billious attack had all the credit of it. I had pulled +down the blinds which covered the window through which the room could be +partly seen from the landing outside. Five minutes after I was sitting +at dinner with the smell of Mary's cunt on my fingers, my prick sticking +to my shirt, for I had never washed it, nor piddled since it had left +Mary's body. +

+

+Luck helped me for a day or two. The illness of a relative took the +other person interested in this out of the house at unusual times, and +Mary and I did all we could in an hour or two. It was more exciting now +than ever to see a woman bolt downstairs directly she had been fucked, +to cook potatoes, or to eject me from her cunt, and leave the fuck +undone, because there was a ring at the bell. It was old times come +again, but with greater risk, more serious consequences if found out, +yet with greater zest and enjoyment. +

+

+Then luck ceased, the house was never left, and all I could get was a +stray kiss, and a slight feel of her quim. But oh! the delight of +that rapid feel round the warm, smooth bum and thighs, and the push up +between the warm, moist cunt-lips when I got it. +

+

+Then came her holiday. We went to a baudy house in E.. t. r street. +She had a large paper parcel in her hand when I met her. "What's that?" +"Cherries,—I know you are fond of them, so bought some." +

+

+What a jolly afternoon we spent. Although I had had her many times, she +had not willingly let me see her person, I had had glimpses, and no more +now. In a trice she had stripped to her chemise, I to my shirt. What +lovely breasts, what splendid limbs, what thighs and arse-globes. In an +instant I was on the bed with her. After a fuck we fell fast asleep, +she had done so similarly at my house on the sofa, and on the floor. She +always did after a spend. I never met such a woman in that respect. As +regularly as she copulated she went to sleep after, and said she could +not help it. When awakened she asked for cherries, and we lay and +dallied, and ate cherries at intervals. There was now no reticence, all +her charms were open to my sight and touch. "Why did you not let me +at home Mary?" "My linen warnt clean," I remember that well. "How many +times did we fuck that first day." "Don't you know? I've been trying to +recollect, and can't," she replied laughing. +

+

+She was a lovely woman, had firm, smooth, creamy flesh, was as plump as +a sucking-pig, a fat cunt of my favorite style then, and the loveliest +coloured hair on it I ever saw; but it was ample, both inside and +outside, I had experience enough to know that even then, though its grip +of the prick was heavenly. Her form and figure was if anything, what may +be called thick, the ankles and wrists were thick, but neither feet or +hands were large, her breasts and bum were faultless. Take her all in +all she was a superb creature, and had such a complexion! +

+

+I sent for wine and biscuits, for we got thirsty and hungry, and then +amidst amorous dalliance we chatted. She astonished me not a little +about her career. I was always curious with a woman whom I had poked, +and till I had heard something about her was not satisfied. Whether lies +or truth I always got a history of some sort out of a woman of Mary's +class, and usually got the main facts truly. I have tested them. But not +so with gay women, they mostly lie heavily. +

+

+"Master (she always addressed me so in country fashion and dialect), +you know." "I?" "Yes." "No." "You do." "What nonsense." "Ain't she told +you?" "No." "Why she knows all about me, she caught me crying one day, +spoke kindly, it made me open my heart, and I told her all!—yet she +has never told you?" "Never, and if you have told her anything about +yourself that you had better have kept to yourself, you will regret it." +"I fear I shall." Then little by little, amidst tears and caresses, +she told me her history, and again did on future days, and I saw her +letters, rings, jewellery, silks, and other proofs, I knew the town +she lived in, know some of the people in it whom she mentioned, and was +satisfied with the truth of every part of her story. One gentleman she +named was to have married one of my sisters,—how strange! +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XXI. +

+
+     Preliminary.—Maid Mary's seduction.—Flight.—Desertion.—
+     Going to the post-office.—A halfpenny signal.—Against an
+     arm-chair.—The privy watched.—Nearly caught.—Mary
+     suspected.—Dismissed.—In lodgings.—Service again.—My
+     cousin sir.—Letters lost.—Mary disappears.—Seven years
+     afterwards.—Sequel.
+
+

+The daughter of a small inn-keeper at the town of B.. t. n, she was at +a public hall. A young gentleman danced with her, afterwards paid +attentions to her, and induced her to run off with him. "Oh! I was just +as bad as him, poor fellow! When he got me into the room I felt sure +what he was after, knew it was wrong, knew he would want me, and that I +should let him. I wanted to let him do it, to be all to him, I did not +want it done to me for myself, not that I recollect, I dare say I might, +but don't recollect that; but I wanted him to do with me what he +liked, anything he liked, anything he wanted to do me. I would have let +him do anything that would make him happy, and seem as if I belonged to +him entirely, and he to me for ever." +

+

+"And he did it?" "Yes. I stopped out all night and next day, and then +went home frightened. I was father's favorite, he had been hunting for +me like mad all over the town, and letting people know I was not at +home. He hit me,—there was such a row!—my sister spat at me, and +called me a whore. I never slept all night, and hadn't slept the night +before, what with his a pulling me about and doing it, and my fear of +being found out. I was ill, and father kept me locked up in my room a +week, because I would not tell him where I had been and with who. I +said I had been to an aunt's, he went to her, and found I had fibbed. +At length he let me out, because he wanted me to attend to his +business, and the first man I saw in the bar was my dear boy,—I nearly +fainted."—These were as nearly as possible her own words describing +her seduction, they are so unlike the confessions I have had from other +women, that the very words sank deep into my mind. +

+

+After that he used to go and drink at the bar, her father talked with +him, not knowing he was the man who had broached his daughter. She was +watched till life was unbearable, her sister worried her (she had +no mother), neighbours who had thought well of her began to sneer, a +country swain who liked her was saucy to her, one or two swells in the +neighbourhood who had been accustomed to see her about, and admired her +beauty, were now free in their behaviour. One took liberties with her, +and in the public-house began asking her smutty questions. Weary with +all this, liking the man whose sperm had wetted her virgin cunt, perhaps +longing to have more (although she always declared to me that she had +no recollection of that desire affecting her), one night she ran away to +London with him. +

+

+They lived in London nine months. Then came grief. He was the son of a +West-India planter who had sent him to London to pass as barrister. His +father's agents found out the connection with Mary, and wrote to the +father that he was spending his money, but not advancing his career. His +father objected, then threatened, and then his allowance was stopped. +They lived on what they had, until penniless. He wrote that he was +going to marry Mary, and his father replied that if he did he need +never return and might starve. He was a gentleman, and could not get his +living, he tried but failed. Then the father wrote, requesting him to +return, and saying he would provide for Mary. Misery stared them in the +face, and he consented to go home. +

+

+His father remitted money. The first thing he did was to take all Mary's +jewelry and clothes out of pawn, and then to arrange for her to live. He +promised to come back, and marry her, and some sort of such promise was +made by his father's agents. He begged her to go home, but she would +not. Then he put her to lodge with a small middle-class woman whom he +bribed to give Mary a character as a servant, for he declared he would +remain, and ruin himself for ever, if she neither would go home, nor go +to service. Mary remained there a couple of months, dressing plainly, +and only going to see him in his lodgings at night, or to meet him at +places where it would not be known. Then he went to India. Repeated +threats of his father, and his want of money would let him stay no +longer. +

+

+The father arranged that Mary should be paid fifteen shillings a week, +and they paid it for some time. She wanted to write to her lover, but +had mislaid his address, the agents said that their instructions were to +stop the weekly payment if she corresponded with him; but he wrote to +her, she replied, and then their payments ceased. Her lover then sent +her money; but his father found that out, and kept him penniless. +She was in London now alone, knowing not a person, again he sent her +trifling sums, but begged her to go out to service, or she would become +a gay woman (I have seen his letters). She used to go out, sit down on +a green close by, and cry all day. One day a middle-aged woman accosted +her, she told a little of her grief to her, it was something to tell her +grief, even to a stranger. The woman told some plausible story, and she +went to see her (I had the address). There the woman asked to see her +partly undressed, and told her that with such legs and breasts she might +have silk dresses and jewelry galore, in fact incited her to be a gay +woman. True to her lover, she did as he advised. The female with whom +she lived gave her a character as a servant, and with that she came into +our house. +

+

+The way in which the old bawd got to see her legs was amusing, I often +thought of it; not knowing a bawd's dodges then. She asked her if she +wanted to piddle, took her to a bed-room, and as in sitting down she +showed a little leg, the woman broke out into ecstacies, and asked her +to show more. Much flattered she did, and then came the old woman's +suggestions. +

+

+"From the time he left you till the other day, had you never been +poked?" "Never, by all that is good.—I would not have injured him,—I +was shocked when the old woman told me about getting money by my legs. +I hoped he would come back, and always thought he would. But he never +answers my letters now, although some money came for me the other day, +and I know it must be from him, although the writing is not his; even +when you threw me on the sofa that day, I thought I was wronging him for +a moment, till I forgot everything but you. +

+

+"But oh! I have had a weary life since he left, father I hear has +failed, what sister's doing I don't know,—sister I heard tells +everybody it was all my fault, and that the old man never held up his +head after I ran away,—perhaps it's true," said she with a flood of +tears, "but I was a good gal to him, till my poor Alfred took me away." +

+

+I have never before or since heard anything more simple or touching than +that girl's tale, as told me in the baudy house. I could almost swear +that every word was true. We stopped at the house till time for Mary +to leave. I had paid for the rooms two or three times over, being still +inexperienced. When we came out we were famished, having eaten nothing +but cherries and biscuits nearly all day. I bought buns, and we ate in +the cab, I feeling her cunt at intervals, and once making a fruitless +attempt at a fuck. The smell of her cunt on my fingers at that time I +dare say gave a relish to the buns, for I liked her. She went in first, +ten minutes afterwards I did. What a look we gave each other as she +opened the door! Old times again, and this time as charming as those in +every particular. +

+

+For some time afterwards it was impossible to have her, for we never +were alone, our only chance of exchanging whispers or a kiss was on the +stairs, or when the other woman went to the privy. In those few minutes +we used to stand whispering, kissing and feeling each other. Then at +table I used to feel her legs with my toes, putting my feet out of my +slippers as she put things on the breakfast or dinner-table, and looking +the other woman in the face all the time. This was so pleasant to me, +that I came down in the morning without socks, saying the weather was so +hot, and when I could get the naked toe up just to touch her thigh, +my prick would stand at the instant. But this was poor pleasure, and I +resolved on a course which I had actually to write to tell her of, so +little opportunity had I of conversing with her for the time. +

+

+Our old-fashioned house was one of a row with a narrow frontage, and +four stories high, had a long narrow garden, and a privy about thirty +feet from the back-door, hidden by some evergreens, the common mode of +building in London at that time. On the first floor was my own little +sitting-room and a drawing-room, and above two bed-rooms, the back one +serving as a dressing-room for me, above those a servant's attic. With +one servant only we helped ourselves a good deal as may be supposed. One +bath sufficed, one of us took it first, the other using the same water, +it was a not very big flat tub. I usually took it first, then went +downstairs, and read till breakfast-time, and so got my five or ten +minutes opportunity. But she began to take her bath irregularly, or not +at all, and came down at times so quickly after me, that I was +cautious, and so the opportunities with Mary were lost. She was probably +suspicious, but I never knew. +

+

+The scullery or back kitchen-door led up to the garden by a little +flight of steps, and in the summer it was always wide open. Anything let +fall out of the back-window would fall just in the doorway. This gave me +the means of signalling. It was arranged that if Mary heard a penny drop +on to the stones by the door, she was at once to go up quietly to the +parlour, the ground-floor room as said, was divided by folding doors, +in the front was the dining-table and the auspicious sofa, in the back a +small table where we breakfasted. +

+

+One morning dressed I waited till the woman stepped into the bath, and +then looking out of the window, dropped a penny. It fell just where Mary +stood cleaning my boots. Then downstairs I cut, and there was Mary in +the parlour waiting. She resisted me, but she wanted it as badly as I +did, and sticking her back against the partition close to the door, so +that we could catch the first sound of any one coming downstairs, we +fucked. My God what a rapid fuck it was, but what enjoyment! it was the +old trick again of but a very few years before in mother's house. Mother +still lived there. +

+

+This we did several mornings, then I lost even that opportunity, after +being nearly caught in the act, and with prick throbbing to let out +its sperm, I had barely time to subside into a chair, and take up a +newspaper. That so scared Mary that she would not come up again when I +dropped a penny out of the window. +

+

+Then she asked to go out to buy some things, which being granted, again +we spent a jolly hour or so at the baudy house in E.. t. r street. That +night I sat her on my prick, and did her in the cab, I never did so to +her but once. I put her up to asking to go to the post-office with a +letter, it was at about five minutes walk from our house. Close by was +a lane leading to large vegetable market-gardens, and there we took our +pleasure, and were nearly caught at it by a man passing by. I went home +first, and when the door was opened was answered, "The girl has gone to +the post-office, she must have gone somewhere else, for she has been a +long time." Then in came Mary. "Where have you been such a long time? +Your Mistress says you have been half an hour." She got a scolding, and +the Mistress went up to bed. I told Mary to come into the garden, it was +a dark night and cloudy, and half-way down the garden I put into her, +up against the wall, then she went in, and upstairs to bed. I followed +soon, and said, "What keeps that girl up so? I have been walking in the +garden, and she has only just gone upstairs." "She ought to have come up +directly I did," said the other. I locked all the doors of the house at +night, and was the last up. +

+

+Several other risky incidents occurred in a few weeks, and then from +some suspicion I imagine, I never got a chance of having her. When I +came down to break-fast the girl was rang for to go upstairs, going out +was refused her, she was told in the middle of the day, "If you have any +letter to post, go out now, you can't go out this evening." The Mistress +seemed to stay a shorter time even in the privy than usual, and often on +some pretext sent the girl upstairs or somewhere just before she went to +the poopery. I was evidently suspected. +

+

+One day she did not. No sooner had she gone out of the back-door than I +called up Mary. "Let's do it." "I will." "I don't care if she does catch +us," said I furiously, "lean forward, look out into the garden, I will +do it dog-fashion." There was a lowish-backed easy-chair which I usually +sat in by the breakfast-table, up against which I pushed it. Anyone +stooping over it, and looking could just see through the window the head +of any one coming away from the privy. My impetuousity prevailed, I +threw up her clothes over her backside, and plugging her cunt, was soon +in ecstacies, Mary in a funk, submitting, and with me looking whilst we +fucked, out of the window for her Mistress' head, which as I have said, +we could not fail to see. But our pleasure came on, and in our joint +delight we only thought of the lubricity of our position. "Look out +darling." "Yes—I am." "Oh!—a—h!—are." "You're loo—k—look—ing?" +"Yes—oh!—ah I—be—qu—quick,—ah!—a—h!" I had spent, my belly +was still squeezed up against her bum, my prick still up her, my hands +rubbing her flesh, when I heard a footstep at the back-door. To pull +out my prick, drop my dressing-gown over it, let fall the clothes over +Mary's posteriors was the work of an instant. Rushing towards the door +I met her Mistress just as she entered it. Passing her I rushed out +towards the privy saying, as if ready to shit myself, "What a time you +have been there. I thought you were going to stay there all day." It had +been raining, the ground was wet, and just inside the back-door she had +paused to wipe her feet on the mat. Had she not done so she would +have caught us in the posture, for we had both spent, and lost all +consciousness for the minute, I was dreaming leaning over Mary when I +heard the feet rubbing on the doormat. +

+

+I stopped a sufficient time at the privy to show that I really wanted to +go there. When I went back to the house I found Mary had fainted right +off in the parlour, and dropped a tray. The shock of fear at being +caught had been too much for her nerves, and she rolled on the floor +showing her legs. My wife jealously told me to leave. I did, but in a +funk for I saw on one of her stockings unmistakeable stains of spunk +mixed with poorliness. +

+

+We talked over it afterwards, wondering if it had been noticed; but I +never knew. Mary recovered and got up just as I went out of the room. +Her Mistress afterwards remarked that she was a fine-made, but coarse, +strong woman, she called all stout, well-filled women coarse. +

+

+Her Mistress asked her what she had bought the day she had gone out +shopping, and she showed her some things, which most unfortunately she +had shown before, then her Mistress said it had been merely a pretext +to get out. She told me of it, and when Mary's regular holiday came she +refused to let her go. Mary insisted, there were words, I was consulted, +and said she ought to be allowed to go. "You always take a servant's +part." "It's a lie," said I. "and I won't come home till time to go to +bed." "I shall be alone in the house then.". "Serve you right"—and off +I went. Mary met me an hour or two after the proper time whilst I kept +anxiously waiting and fuming, either under the portico of the lyceum, +or about there. Then we spent the rest of the afternoon and evening in +voluptuous delight. +

+

+I kept out for an hour after Mary's return that night, and had a row for +the Mistress was sitting up. Next day I had a latch-key put on the +door, and told her she need not sit up, then went home at three in the +morning, and found her sitting up. Then I told her if she did that again +I would stop out all night. Again she sat up awaiting me, so I went off +and did not go home till the next night. That settled it. +

+

+"I'm in the family way," said Mary with a sigh. "My God are you?—how +unfortunate!—are you sure?" "Yes, I knew I should be." "What is to +be done?" "What I have done before." "You have been in the family way +then?" "Yes twice, he wanted me to have the child, but I would not +unless I were married." +

+

+Mary took medicine and was ill, another monthly holiday came, and was +spent at the house. A few days afterwards Mary was looking blank. Her +Mistress told me she had dismissed her. "Why?" I asked. "She was no +good, and not a good servant." Mary was sacked at the end of the week, +I could not of course interfere without injuring the poor woman, and +implicating myself,—no good to either of us. +

+

+So soon as she had left our house I was told all that Mary had told me +of herself, the Mistress evidently feared that Mary might seduce me, or +go astray somehow. That is what the poor girl got for telling her true +history to her. Said she also, "She has been taking strong medicine, and +I believe it was to bring on her courses." She knew they had stopped. +Her sister had advised her not to keep a female in the house who had +diamond rings, a gold watch and chain, and silk dresses. It was evident +to me that the poor girl's history had been told to more than one +person. +

+

+Mary broken-hearted took lodgings in a cottage close by, and did +needle-work. "Nothing," said she, "shall make me go to service again, I +only did it to please him, hoping he would come back to me, but I hate +service, and don't care what becomes of me." She was always at home. I +visited her regularly for two or three months, giving her what little +money I could, but she was reckless and would spend money in comfort, +though not in show. She came out with me not in her silk dresses, but +her plainest ones, and little by little pawned her dresses, rings, and +all her finery. Then she worked harder and harder, besought me to give +her just enough to keep her, however humbly, for go to service she would +not again. Again she got with child. +

+

+All this time of course our fucking was regular, but although I liked +her, and more than liked her, I never had a strong affection for her. +When her money-was gone, and she was poor in clothes, she was still +cheerful. I gave what I could, but could with difficulty keep out of +debt, and insisted on her going to service. "Then we shall never see +each other," said she, and begged me to go on, allowing a trifle; I +did so, being content with her, never finding her out, never having a +suspicion of her having another man, and feeling much anxiety about her. +

+

+But none of my money was my own, and what use as a beggar could I be to +her?—so yielding to my solicitations at last she again went to service +at a short distance from my house. Then I found out a convenient +house close by, she got out as often as she could, and we had stealthy +meetings and pokings in a hurry. The old lady and her middle-aged son +with whom she lived liked her, and indulged her; so we often got two or +three hours together, yet the difficulty of meeting became irksome, she +got restless, would go as a bar-maid (she understood the business), +go to America, go anywhere so as to get away from service. Then +circumstances prevented my meeting her for two or three weeks; when I +did again she reproached me, and hoped I had not got any one else. +

+

+Soon after she told me her sister was in the family way, having been +seduced by the young man who was to have married her, I saw the letter +describing this. "I am glad of it," said Mary, "for she was hard on +me." The sister came to town, I wanted to see her, but Mary would never +arrange it, though I saw her letters frequently. Then I made one or +two appointments with Mary which were not kept, went to the house one +evening, and whilst Mary was whispering to me at the street door, her +Master appeared, and asked who I was. Mary said I was her cousin. +Then he ordered her in-doors, saying they did not allow their servants +callers. +

+

+Then her Mistress began to treat her harshly; and we thought some of my +letters had been intercepted. I was obliged to go abroad for a time, and +wrote to tell her. On my return I found letter after letter from her at +the post-office. She was about to leave, wanted my advice, would I allow +her ten shillings a week, she would make it do; be faithful to me, and +live close by me; go to service again she would not, she would sooner go +on the streets, her sister had done so. Again an upbraiding letter,—she +never thought I would have neglected her so, I who was so kind and +affectionate, I whom she loved so much,—if I did not reply it was the +last I would hear of her. +

+

+I dressed myself up shabbily, and at dusk went to the place she lived +at. The Master opened the door but did not know me again. She had left, +had gone he knew not where. "Why?" did I ask. Then I tried all possible +places, but I never heard of her for years, and greatly feared she had +gone gay; but although I haunted gay places to find her, I never saw her +there. +

+

+Some seven years afterwards I met her. She had gone to service again, +and had written to tell me where. I never had that letter. There was +again a bachelor son in the house, who made advances to her, and finally +kept her. Meanwhile I had moved my residence, and oddly enough opposite +to the house in which her protector had lived for many years with his +mother. Mary actually knew everything about my domestic affairs almost +as well as if she had lived opposite to me herself, for my neighbours +knew a good deal about me. He kept her at a nice little house some miles +off. +

+

+It was opposite the National Gallery that we met in the dusk of the +evening. I went to J... s' street with her, and to bed, and fucked her +with rapture till I brought on her poorliness in floods. +

+

+Her protector had just married, parted with her, and given her +money. She was going home to her native place,—what to do I don't +recollect,—she was still lovely, although somewhat broken. I never saw +her after that night. About five years afterwards she wrote to say she +was badly off, would I send her a trifle. I sent her two pounds, she +thanked me in a letter, and said in it, that she often cried when she +thought of me, and past time,—and I never heard of her afterwards. +

+

+I could tell a lot more about my doings with this lovely creature, for +everything connected with her is as fresh in my memory as possible; but +must go back to that time when coming back to England I found she had +left her last situation, and I could not find her whereabouts. +

+

+But I must add something which was omitted when I abbreviated the +manuscript for printing. I revelled as said in the smell of a nice +woman; with the poor cheap women I had for some time had, their smell +offended me, I avoided kissing them even, why I can't say. With Mary +this delight returned, her aroma overpowered me, and added to my +voluptuous delight in her embraces. On every possible opportunity I +used to lift her petticoats, and smell her flesh, it intoxicated me, and +instantly made me wild with lewdness. +

+
+FINIS, VOLUME TWO +
+ +
+
+
+
+
+ + + + diff --git a/30360-h/secret3.htm b/30360-h/secret3.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5b7f6b4 --- /dev/null +++ b/30360-h/secret3.htm @@ -0,0 +1,8941 @@ + + + + + + My Secret Life, Volume 3 + by Anonymous + + + + + + + +

+ +

+ MY SECRET LIFE +


+ +

Volume Three


+ +

+By Anonymous +



+ +
+AMSTERDAM +
+
+PRIVATELY PRINTED FOR SUBSCRIBERS. 1888 +


+ +
+

This first reprint of "My Secret Life" is for private distribution +among connoisseur collectors. It is strictly limited to four hundred +and seventy five copies, all of which have been subscribed for prior to +publication.

+
+ + + +
+
+
+
+
+ + + +

Contents

+ +
+ + +
+ + +

+DETAILED CONTENTS +

+

+CHAPTER I. +

+

+CHAPTER II. +

+

+CHAPTER III. +

+

+CHAPTER IV. +

+

+CHAPTER V. +

+

+CHAPTER VI. +

+

+CHAPTER VII. +

+

+CHAPTER VIII. +

+

+CHAPTER IX. +

+

+CHAPTER X. +

+

+CHAPTER XL. +

+

+CHAPTER XII. +

+

+CHAPTER XIII. +

+

+CHAPTER XIV. +

+

+CHAPTER XV. +

+

+CHAPTER XVI. +

+

+CHAPTER XVII. +

+

+CHAPTER XVIII. +

+

+CHAPTER XIX. +

+

+CHAPTER XX. +

+

+CHAPTER XXI. +

+

+CHAPTER XXII. +

+

+CHAPTER XXIII. +

+ + +
+
+ +
+
+
+
+
+ + + + + +

+ DETAILED CONTENTS: +

+
+CHAPTER I.—Straightened circumstances.—Promiscuous whorings.—The +
+garden privies.—Our neighbor's daughters.—Effects of a hard +
+turd.—Masturbation.—Bum-trumpeting.—Seeing and hearing too much.—A +
+pock-marked strumpet.—A neighbour's servant.—Don't wet inside.—-On +
+the road home.—Cheap amusements.—Bargains.—Watching brothels.—Cunt +
+in the open. Clapped again.—French letters, and effects.—Income +
+improved.—Piddle in the bye-streets.—An uprighter.—My pencil-case.—A +
+female bilker.—A savage frig.—A silk dress soiled. +
+
CHAPTER II.—Preliminary remarks.—A dress-lodger.—Lucy.—Sweet +
+seventeen.—An impudent demand.—A row.—The bawd.—My watch +
+requisitioned.—Exit barred.—Bill.—Funking.—Determination.—The +
+poker and window.—Vici.—Apologies.—A cautious retreat.—My +
+revenge.—Lucy scared away.—Brighton Bessie.—Washing by +
+fire-light.—Friendly intimacy.—The house in B..w Street.—Lascivious +
+evenings. +
+
CHAPTER III.—A change in taste.—A small cunt longed for.—Hunting +
+in the Strand.—Yellow-haired Kitty.—Her little companion.—Oh! +
+you foule.—The house in E.. t. r Street.—Double +
+fees.—Kitty's pleasure.—Objections to washing.—Have the other +
+gal.—Cleanliness.—Home occupations.—I ain't gay.—Kitty's males. +
+
CHAPTER IV.—Little Pol consents.—Arsy-versy.—Broached, and howling. +
+—Kitty's vocalization.—A cheap virginity.—Two hours after.—Love's +
+money lost.—The street-gully.—Kitty pleases. Pol tires.—Kitty's +
+habits.—Friendliness and frankness.—Sausage rolls.—Confessions of +
+lust. +
+
CHAPTER V.—Kitty's antecedents.—The fishmonger's.—Jim the shopman. +
+—Betty the maid.—Females in bed.—Mutual curiosity.—Letchery and +
+frigging.—Educated in coition.—Against the kitchen-wall.—Jim in +
+bed.—Betty's cunt washed out.—A look in the basin.—Cousin Grace, +
+and cousin Bob.—Bob on the spree.—A scuffle.—Topsy-turvy. +
+—Arsy-versy.—Bob's semen.—A masturbating duet.—Caught in the +
+act.—Kicked out. +
+
CHAPTER VI.—Sausage-rolls, and consequences.—Kitty's home.—The +
+little ones.—A saucy cabman.—Catamenia.—Fucking economies.—Changing +
+money.—Pol and the bargee.—Kit implicated.—A black eye and +
+bruised rump.—A little boy's cock.—Preparation for travel.—Kit's +
+regret.—Bessie in tears.—Amusements abroad.—Home again.—Kitty a +
+strumpet.—An evening at B.. w Street.—Kitty's eight months doings. +
+
CHAPTER VII.—Brighton Bessie.—Change irresistable.—Bessie +
+in quod.—Lewd effects.—Spooning.—Her home.—Her +
+cabman.—Reflexions.—Two years after.—Five years later on.—The +
+mouse's promenade.—Bessie disappears. +
+
CHAPTER VIII.—Washerwomen.—Matilda and Esther.—A peep over a wall.—4 +
+Eaves dropping.—A girl's wants.—Shaking a tooleywag.—A promenade by +
+a barrow.—Disclosures.—A snatch and a scuffle.—An assignation. +
+
CHAPTER IX.—Returning home.—In the churchyard.—Two female +
+laborers.—Among the tombs.—A sudden piss.—An arse on the weeds.—Torn +
+trowsers and a turd.—In front of the public house. +
+
CHAPTER X.—The washerwoman's lane.—An intention frustrated.—A slap on +
+the face.—Choice language and temper.—A dinner in the Haymarket.—The +
+rocking-chair.—A lucky shove.—Up, and out in a second.—A quarrel, and +
+flight.—An enticing laugh.—The house in O...d.n Street. +
+
CHAPTER XL—Esther meets me.—Vaux-hall.—Ex-harlot Sarah.—Esther +
+succumbs.—Big-arsed and bandy-legged.—Periodic fucking.—Matilda +
+invincible.—I part with Esther.—Her fortune. +
+
CHAPTER XII.—Preliminary.—My taste for beauty of form.—Sarah +
+Mavis.—Midday in the Quadrant.—No. 13 J..s Street.—A bargain in +
+the hall.—A woman with a will.—Fears about my size. +
+Muck.—Cold-blooded.—Tyranny.—My temper.—Submission.—A revolt.—A +
+half-gay lady.—Sarah watches me.—A quarrel.—Reconciliation. +
+
CHAPTER XIII.—Sarah's complaisance.—Mistress Hannah.—About +
+Sarah.—Sexual indifference.—After dinner.—Stark naked at last.—Her +
+form.—The scar.—Hannah's friendship.—The baudy house +
+parlour.—The Guardsman.—Sarah's greed.—A change in her manner.—A +
+miscarriage.—Going abroad.—I am madly in love.—Sarah's history. +
+
CHAPTER XIV.—Poses plastiques.—Sarah departs.—My despair.—Hannah's +
+comfort.—Foolscap and masturbation.—Cheap cunt.—A mulatto.—The +
+baudy house accounts.—Concerning Sarah.—The parlour.—The gay ladies +
+there.—My virtue.—Louisa Fisher.—A show of legs.—The consequence on +
+me.—Effect on Mrs. Z. +
+
CHAPTER XV.—Louisa Fisher.—Chaffing.—Her form and fucking.—A +
+supper in bed.—A lascivious night.—Meeting +
+afterwards.—Hannah's legs.—Intruders in the bed-room.—Louisa's +
+voluptuousness.—Enciente.—Her husband.—Her gentleman friend.—About +
+herself.—Illness.—Mrs. A. +
+
CHAPTER XVI.—A friend's maid-servant.—Jenny.—Initial familiarity.—A +
+bum pinched.—Jenny communicative.—Her young man.—An attempt, a +
+failure, a faint, a look and a sniff.—Restoratives. +
+
CHAPTER XVII.—When are women most lewd.—Garters, money and +
+promises.——About my servant.—The neckerchief. Armpits felt.—Warm +
+hints.—Lewd suggestions.—Baudy language.—Tickling.—Fanny +
+Hill.—Garters tried.—Red fingers.—Struggle, and escape.—Locked +
+out.—I leave.—Baudy predictions, and verification.233 +
+
CHAPTER XVIII.—Fanny Hill sent to Jenny.—My next visit.—Thunder, +
+lightning, sherry, and lust.—A chase round a table.—The money +
+takes.—Tickling and micturating.—A search for Fanny Hill.—A chase +
+up the stairs.—In the bed-room.—Thunder, funk, and +
+lewdness.—Intimidation and coaxing.—Over and under.—A rapid +
+spender.—Virginity doubtful.—Fears, tears, and fucking. +
+
CHAPTER XIX.—My soiled shirt.—Jenny's account of herself.—Fucking +
+and funking.—Poor John!—Of her pudenda.—Its sensitiveness.—Erotic +
+chat.—Startled by a caller.—Her married sister's unsatisfied +
+cunt.—How she prevented having children.—Doubts her husbands +
+fidelity.—Jenny taught the use of a French letter.—Hickery-pickery and +
+catamenial irregularities. +
+
CHAPTER XX.—A Saturday afternoon.—Copulation interrupted.—Retreat +
+cut off.—Under the bed.—Enter sister.—The new dress.—Heat +
+and sweat.—Undressing.—Jenny's anxiety.—Sweating much, +
+and stripping.—Nature in its simplicity.—Nature in its +
+vulgarity.—Delicious peeps.—A cunt near my nose. Erotic +
+recklessness.—Fist-fucking. +
+
CHAPTER XXI.—Further undressing.—Slippers wanted.—Toilet +
+operations.—The effects of hash and beer.—A windy escape.—Feeling for +
+the pot.—Sisters exeunt.—A crushed hat, and soiled trowsers.—A narrow +
+escape.—My benevolent intentions towards Jenny's sister. +
+
CHAPTER XXII.—The Sunday following.—Chaste calculations.—The sister +
+alone.—My embarrassment.—Ale fetched.—Warm conversation.—Stiffening. +
+—Bolder talk.—An exhibition of masculinity.—A golden promise.—Lust +
+creeping.—Baudy dalliance.—Cock and cunt in conjunction. +
+
CHAPTER XXIII.—Jenny's bed-room.—The money hidden.—On the bed.—Fears +
+of maternity.—Inspection of sex.—The use of a husband.—Another +
+Sunday.—Regrets and refusals.—Resistance overcome.—Jenny's +
+ignorance.—Her Master returns.—Difficulty in getting at Jenny.—Her +
+sister waylaid.—Against a fence.—Jenny's marriage, and rise in life. +
+
+ +
+
+
+
+
+ + + + + +

+ CHAPTER I. +

+
+     Straightened circumstances.—Promiscuous whorings.—The
+     garden privies.—Our neighbour's daughters.—Effects of a
+     hard turd.—Masturbation.—Bum-trumpeting.—Seeing and
+     hearing too much.—A pock-marked strumpet.—A neighbour's
+     servant.—Don't wet inside.—On the road home.—Cheap
+     amusements.—Bargains.—Watching brothels.—Cunt in the
+     open.—Clapped again.—French letters, and effects.—Income
+     improved.—Piddle in the bye-streets.—An uprighter.—My
+     pencil-case.—A female bilker.—A savage frig.—A silk dress
+     soiled.
+
+

+I felt such a void, that I came to the conclusion that I had fondly +loved Mary, and missed greatly her kind, sympathetic association. For +a long time I could think of nothing but her, even when I fucked other +women, and got so miserable about her, that I rushed into indiscriminate +cheap whoring again. I had still not money for the best class of women, +and did not like baudy houses; but there was no help for it, and so +whoring I went, and largely in the Strand, for at that time in E..t.r +and C. t...e Streets there were many and nice brothels at all prices. +

+

+But I for some time abstained from women, and had wet dreams. My mind +ran constantly on Mary, and when I saw a nice girl, used to wonder if +her cunt was like Mary's, and this specially of two girls about nineteen +and twenty years of age, daughters of one of our next-door neighbours. +

+

+The privies of the houses in our terrace were built in pairs, the garden +wall divided them and partly the cess-pool which was common to the two. +I used to take pleasure in watching to see these girls go to the privy, +and although the idea of a female evacuating revolted me, yet used to +try to get to our privy when one of the girls went to theirs, and would +stand smoking just inside the passage by the back-steps of my house, +tip-toeing to catch a glance of their heads, and stopping myself from +bogging sometimes, so that I might get there at the same time. Directly +I saw a head off I followed quietly, and if the weather was quite still +we could hear footsteps in each other's gardens too well. +

+

+The cess-pool had at the time I write of just been emptied, the turds +dropping and flopping down could be heard, it was not nice, but it did +not shock me. I liked to hear the girls' piddle splashing, and used to +push my prick back, and sit back on the seat, so that my piddle might +drop straight, and make much noise. It pleased me to hear the joint +rattle and splash we made if we pissed at the same time. I did this so +constantly, that I could tell which girl was there, for the piddle of +one always made twice as much splash as the other's. Up would stand my +prick, and often I could not piss for its stiffness, directly I heard +the girls splashing. +

+

+One day I had a hardish motion, and was randy that morning almost to +pain. One of the girls was there. I strained, my cock got stiff, and +began to throb violently, and shot out its spunk as I strained. I +went back to the house, and just entering it saw the other daughter +go towards the privy. Back I went and sitting down frigged myself as I +heard her evacuations drop, so randy and charged with sperm was I. +

+

+After that I occasionally frigged myself at the privy, and used to +picture to myself the girls sitting there, their clothes up round +their rumps, and slightly up in front showing their limbs, and piddle +squirting, but I always thought of both girls as having cunts like +Mary's. After a time we knew a little of the girls, and when talking to +them I used to think of the same thing. The idea used to fascinate me, +and they used to say (I am told), that I was a strange man, for I always +stared at them as if I had never seen a woman before. They little knew +what was in my mind when I was staring. +

+

+Just after the emptying I could not only see their wax as it fell to the +bottom, but the paper with which they wiped their bums, and could hear +them fart. Sometimes the two came together. One day by a sudden whim +I let a fart as loud as I could, and heard a suppressed titter, they I +think never knew I could hear, for usually I tried to be as silent as +possible. I never coughed when there, and used to pull open my arse-hole +to lessen the noise of my trumpet, and singular as it may seem did this +out of a feeling of delicacy. Soon the cess-pool was half-filled, with +water, and I could only indistinctly hear. Then I grew tired of the +game, and again let off my sperm up cunts instead of spilling it on the +privy-floor, for sorrow always came over me as I saw it on the floor. A +few months after this I took a dislike to the girls through thinking of +what I had seen and heard of them, it seemed to shock my sentiment of +the beauty and delicacy of a woman. +

+

+A confused number of random whorings and miscellaneous fuckings took +place about this time, I cannot tell to a month or two, but it began +directly after Mary had gone. I tell of one or two of them. +

+

+At the back of the Lowther Arcade one night I took a poor little girl +seemingly about sixteen years old to a house. She had a nice but thin +form, and was as white as driven snow. When I had had her, I wanted to +see her face more clearly, but she held a handkerchief to it, and half +turned it away from the light, her privates she allowed to be inspected +as I liked. +

+

+She was marked badly with the small-pox, and was nevertheless handsome, +but with that sad expression which the pock-marks often give. Gents did +not like it, she said. It was a dreadfully sloppy, snowy night. "Don't +go yet", said she, "it is so warm here." So I sat a while feeling her +quim and talking. "Do me again, I want it now, I did not when you did +it before." So we fucked again. "Do I please you?" said the girl putting +her hand to my face. "Yes my dear." "Will you see me again?—do." I was +always careful about promising that, and hesitated; but at length said +yes. Again I rose to go, again the girl asked me to stay, it was so +warm. "Pay the woman again and say you are going to stay till ten +o'clock." There was such simplicity about her that I consented. The woman +put coals on the fire, and we sat by it warming ourselves. +

+

+After a time she said, "I don't think you like me." "Why?" "Because you +don't feel me about." I laughed, and said I had been feeling her. Time +ran on. "Won't you do it again?" "I can't dear." "Let me try to make you." +"You may, but I can't." She came to me, knelt down, played funnily, +but awkwardly with my cock till it stiffened, and again we fucked. +"You won't see me again, though you say you will." "Why not?" asked I +wondering at her sad manner. "They all say they will, but they never +do,—it's the small-pox marks they can't bear, I know it is,—I'm tired +of this life." Then suddenly she laughed and said she was only joking. +

+

+I never did see her again. Such a young, white-fleshed girl, and so fond +of the cock, or else she had had but little of it, I have rarely met +with. She said she had only been out two months. "The other girls tell +me what to do with men, and the old woman where I live tells me; but I +always does what a gentleman asks me, I can't do more, can I?" said she. +"Other gals say they have regular friends, I haven't." I shall never +forget that poor little girl. +

+

+On a cold evening a week or two after this, I saw a shortish, dark-eyed +girl going along the Strand. She walked slowly, and looked in at almost +every shop. I could not make up my mind if she were gay or not. She was +warmly wrapped up, her style that of a well-to-do servant. I passed and +repassed her, looked her in the face; her eyes met mine and dropped, +then she stopped and looked round several times after unmistakeable +gay women as they passed her, then went on again. Opposite the Adelphi +she paused and looked at the theatre for a long time, a gentleman spoke +to her, and seemed to importune her, she took no notice of him, and he +left her. After walking on for a minute quickly she loitered and looked +in the shops again. +

+

+Near Exeter Hall my cock which was in want of relief giving me +impudence, and liking her looks I spoke to her about the things in the +windows. At first I got no reply, and she walked on. "Come with me, and +I'll give you a sovereign." "You can buy it then." What it was I don't +recollect. She seemed uneasy and wavering, yet made no reply. I repeated +my offer (it was just then money beyond my means, but I had hot desire +on me). She looked up the street in both directions, and asked, "Will +it be far?" I took her at the instant for a sly gay one. "You know I am +sure, it's close bye." "It's getting late, I'm in a hurry." Looking both +ways quickly and uneasily she placed her arm in mine, and hanging her +head down pressed close to me. We walked quickly, and soon were in a +snug room in a house at the back of Exeter Hall. +

+

+"This is not a public-house", said she looking round. "No, but you can +have a drink if you like." "A little warm brandy and water then." I +ordered it. "Take off your bonnet and cloak." She hesitated. "Tell me +the exact time." I did, and then she took them off, sat down, and soon +sipped brandy and water looking at me. Thought I, "You must be a servant +after all." +

+

+I began to caress her, and got my hand on her thighs asking her to come +to the bed. "I must go soon, let me go soon." "I will, but let me see +your legs, and feel them." She let me pull the clothes up to her knees, +then pushed away my hand but I thrust one up, and just felt the cunt. +She gave me a shove, and nearly pushed me over, for I had dropped on to +my knees, a favorite attitude of mine at such times. +

+

+Savagely I got up. "Don't be a fool; if you mean to let me do it come +to the bed." She hesitated. "Give me the money first." "Oh!" thought +I, "she is a whore diseased, and a bilk," so I refused. "You really will +give it to me, won't you?" "Of course, but I'm not to be done that way." +Then I got her on to the bed, and threw up her clothes. She resisted. +"What do you take me for?" "Why a whore", said I savagely. It was a word +I rarely used of a woman, still rarer to a woman. She pushed my hand +angrily away and sat up. +

+

+"I am not, and wish I had not come here, and would not, only I want +money for my poor mother, I thought you a gentleman,—I'm not the sort +of a woman you say, I'm a servant, I am indeed." "Well if you are, you +have been fucked." "That's neither here nor there, but I'm not what you +call me",—and she pouted. "Lay down dear,—let's fuck if you mean it, +if not let's go,—let me feel you, and you feel me." I pulled her back +on to the bed, laying down by the side of her, and put my prick into +her hand. It was persuasive, for soon I was having that delicious rub, +probe, and twiddle. Then I got a sight of all but the cunt itself, the +inspection of that she resisted. A fine pair of limbs, a fat backside, +lots of hair on her split I could feel. My friction told, she began +grasping my prick like a vise,—she was going to spend. +

+

+Nice to her that, but I wanted my pleasure. Again I got savage. At +length quietly, and feeling my prick all the time she said, "Promise me +something." "What?" "Don't you wet inside if I let you." I promised, +and turning on to her belly fucked her, and forgot my promise, even if +I ever meant to keep it. We were soon near the crisis. +"Don't—now,—oh!—wet." +

+

+"No dear." "T—aake—care." "I'll pull it out just as it comes dear." +"Don't—we—wet, oh!—ah!—wet", she gasped out as clutching her arse my +prick went fiercely up her, and spent every drop against her womb-tube, +my spend made doubly pleasurable, because she did not wish it in her +cunt. +

+

+Said she with a long-drawn sigh, "You've done it all inside,—you should +not." "I could not help it, you are so charming, I could not pull it +out and make your clothes or bum wet", said I ramming on, and keeping my +prick tight up her lubricated cunt, "Let me get up." "Not yet." "Oh! +do, I'm in a hurry." "Lay still dear." "No, I'm in such a hurry,—what +o'clock is it?—do tell me what o'clock it is,—it will make me lose my +place if I'm very late." +

+

+I uncunted, told her the time, and she washed her cunt. "Let us do it +again." She was wanting it. "I've such a long way to go." "Where?" She +told me, and it was on my way home. "I will take you home in a cab." On +the bed she got, I overcame her scruples, kissed her knees, her thighs, +all the way up to her cunt. The thighs opened widely, a second's +inspection of a cunt at that time of my life made me think of immediate +pleasure, and after promising not to wet in her again, she reminding me +of that, till she lost all care or heed in her pleasures. I spent up her +as before. +

+

+We went home in a cab, and felt each other all the way, she said she +was keeping her mother who was poor, she feared dying. At the end of the +road she got out begging me not to follow her. I did not, and never saw +her again. She had hazel eyes, spoke with a country accent, and I quite +believe was a servant. +

+

+Although soon after this a little better off, I had difficulty in +keeping out of debt, and the cost of amatory amusements prevented my +having women as often as I otherwise should have done. I used to try the +cheap women at times, and often successfully. Would walk backwards and +forwards between Temple-Bar and Charing Cross for hours, looking at the +women, thinking which I should like, and whether I could afford one. +Sometimes I would follow the same woman, stop when she stopped if a man +spoke to her, cross over, and wait till she moved off by herself, or if +with the man, would follow them to a brothel, return to watch for her +coming out, and wait 'till she did so. This pleased me much. +

+

+Then I began to feel women in the streets; they frequently came out +of the E.. t. r Street-houses, and round by the side-entrance to +Exeter-Hall. That end of the street then was all but dark. +

+

+Stopping a woman. This was a frequent dialogue. "A nice night dear." +"Yes." "Been taking a walk?" "Yes." "Been to piddle?" "Yes." They +usually when I knew they had come out of a house, said they had been to +piddle if I asked them. "A shilling to feel your cunt." "All right, give +it me." With the left hand I gave the shilling with the right I fingered +their quims. "Open your legs dear,—a little wider,—let me feel +up,—have you been fucked to-night?" "No." It was always no. I delighted +in hearing them tell that lie. "Come with me." "How much?" "Give me a +sovereign." "No." "Ten shillings then." "I can't afford more than five +shillings." "No, not for that"; but they more often said yes. Sometimes +I went with them, more frequently not. The lesson I learned was that +most woman denied that they had fucked more recently than the day +before, (it was always the day before), and that a little bargaining +reduced the price of their pleasures. +

+

+If intending to have a poke I waited for a girl known by sight, and then +often could not find her, then I saw those so dressed that I could not +offer them a small sum. On other nights I went up to the girl with the +fattest legs, and made advances. In this way I shagged many of all sorts +and sizes, many of them poor creatures, others plump, fine, strong, +healthy women, whom I was surprised took the small sum for their +professional exertions. The end of this promiscuity was that again I +took the clap, which laid me up some weeks, and made it again needful to +open my piss-pipe by surgical tubes. +

+

+Then I was timid, used French letters, and took to carrying them in my +purse again, but always hated them. Often my cock stiff as a boring-iron +would shrink directly the wet gut touched it, and compelled me to frig +up to near the crisis before I could insert it in the skin. Sometimes it +would not stiffen completely till up the women. I used to drop my tool +in a state of partial rigidity into the letter, then thumb it slowly up +the lady's orifice; then the warmth, the clip, the buttocks wagging, and +the look at the belly and thighs between which I was working brought +it to the proper stiffness. I usually had the ladies at the side of the +bed, when wearing these cundums. +

+

+Sometimes my passions overcame my prudence, and a fair lady for her +favors got her price. Then I was filled with regrets, and had to content +myself with a feel for some time, or wait days till I could afford the +full gratification of my senses with another woman, because I had not +the money. Then I fell again on my five shilling offers. About this +cunt-feeling there was something very peculiar in me: unless I liked the +look of the woman I did not like to feel up her cunt, and after I had +been groping used to spit on my fingers, and rub them dry, and the smell +off of them on to my handkerchief. +

+

+Some little time after my clap however I came into a better income +through the death of a relative. It was small, but made a difference +to me of great importance. I spent it all on myself, that is to say on +cunt, and although some of my country relatives must have known I had +come into the property, those most interested in knowing it I believe +never did. I now longed for nice women whom I could talk and spend the +money with. The rapid business-like fucking in the baudy houses was +not to my taste, I had scarcely gone to the Argyle Rooms, then not many +years opened, for fear that my taste for nicety of manner and something +more than mere cunt might lead me into an expenditure still far beyond +my means. +

+

+It used to wound my pride to hear a woman jeer at my offer, or say, +"What the devil do you take me for", or walk away wagging her rump with +offended dignity when she heard five shillings named, or say she would +frig me for the money. Now I could offer more I was more happy in my +mind; but there are a few adventures to be told before the time when an +easier pocket enabled me to have better female companions. +

+

+The angle of the street named as leading out of the Strand was dark of +a night and a favorite place for doxies to go to relieve their bladders. +The police took no notice of such trifles, provided it was not done in +the greater thoroughfares (although I have seen at night women do it +openly in the gutters in the Strand), in the particular street I have +seen them pissing almost in rows, yet they mostly went in twos to do +that job, for a woman likes a screen, one usually standing up till the +other has finished, and then taking her turn. Indeed the pissing in all +bye-streets of the Strand was continuous, for although the population +of London was only half what it now is, the number of gay ladies seemed +double there. The theatre-side of the street from Trafalgar-Square to +Temple-Bar was nightly for some hours one large flock of them, and there +was not a street or court on the whole line named, and on both sides of +the Strand in which there was not a baudy house. I have been in a dozen. +

+

+I used to prowl about to see the girls pissing, and when I had cheek +enough, stand and piss by the side of them. That delighted me much. +One night I saw two women go up a court, one directly squatted, and I +followed. When one had done I asked her to let me feel her. She did. +Randy but poor that night the feel of her wet cunt made me reckless. As +I gave her a shilling I remarked how I should like to have her, but that +I had but five shillings to give. +

+

+"You won't have me for five shillings, but you will get some one who +will,—you have lots of cheek to offer it." "I am sorry, but I can't +help it if I have not more." Had I not ten shillings? No, only enough +for the room. All this time I was feeling her. Then her hand went +outside my trowsers, feeling at my cock. I slipped it out, she took it +in her hand. "Have you not been a long time in the Strand to-night?" +said she. I had, and wanted a woman, only I had so little money. I did +not know the form or face of this woman, for we were in the darkest +place, and the night was dark and cold, but I felt that she had a silk +dress on, lots of hair on her cunt, and a large arse. "You may do it +here for five shillings", said she. I had never done it in the open in +such a place, but consented. Groping in my pocket I found and gave the +money, and then she stepped away from me,—a bilk I thought. +

+

+It was not so. She went up to the other woman who was standing at the +corner, and telling her to look out for the police, came back to me, +and again placing her back up against the wall, I fucked her. "Wasn't it +nice!" said she dropping her petticoats. And then we stood and talked. +

+

+"Stand a drink", said she, "you've got some silver." I did not mind, and +was curious to see her. She called her friend, and all three went to a +public-house, the lady with all my emission in her cunt. I found she was +a full-grown woman of about thirty with dark hair, dark eyes, and with +a bold expression in them. We had mulled port-wine, then something else, +and stood drinking till all my money was gone. Her companion left us +saying she had not gained a farthing that night, and must do so. +

+

+My woman then got pleasanter, and wanted more liquor, my money was gone, +but I had a pencil-case, and asked the bar-man if he would lend me a few +shillings on it. He did, and I then spent more on liquor, then we went +out together again into the cold street; she pissed, saying the cold and +the liquor had made her leaky. "I wish you would let me again", said I. +Well she would, and up against a wall again we fucked heartily. With my +spunk in her we walked together into the Strand. She said she would like +to see me again, but I never did. Whilst fucking her the second time she +shoved her tongue almost down my throat, and breathed so hard. I never +fucked a woman in the street who did so, either before or since. A few +nights after I got my pencil-case back from the beer-man. +

+

+One night a nice, strong-built woman about thirty years of age +seemingly, took my five shillings, and went to a house with me. She was +dressed in black silk, neat but shabby. She sat down on a chair, and +pulling up her clothes rearranged both her garters, showing what I +expected, and what I had engaged her for; a pair of fat legs. Then down +went her clothes. I began feeling her, she pushed her bum back on +the chair, but her thighs and the hairy ornaments I could feel. I +was awfully randy, my prick was raging. "Let's feel you", said she. +Willingly I let her grasp it, then she moved her arse forward, and I had +the pleasure of just feeling a moist clitoris from which I was diverted +by a painful squeeze she gave my prick. She was squeezing no doubt to +see if I had any ailment. The effect of the squeeze, which made me call +out, was to make me mad with randiness. "Take off your things, and let +me do it." "Where is the five shillings?" I placed them in her hands, +she pocketed them, and got up. Lifting her petticoats I pressed her +towards the bed where she was standing when she had spoken, but she +pushed down her petticoats, and moved away. +

+

+"Not likely I'm going to take off my things for five shillings", +said she as the money slipped down into her pocket, "give me fifteen +shillings more, and I will,—I'm a fine-built woman",—and she pulled +her clothes clean up to her waist, turned round like a tetotum, and +after showing both arse and belly, slow-ly dropped her clothes again. +

+

+"Come to the side of the bed." "No I shan't, you've had a feel for five +shillings, give me fifteen shillings more, and I'll give you pleasure I +know,—I'll do all you want me." +

+

+"I can't." "Then I can't." I had not a pound in my pocket, but if I had, +am sure indeed I should have given it to her, but I could not. "Give me +ten shillings, and I'll pay for the room then", said she. "I didn't know +what house I was at, but generally they asked at those places the price +of the room first. +

+

+"Just as you like", though I was dying for a fuck. "Then I will go." "I +have paid you,—if you choose to bilk me I can't help it." "I don't want +to bilk you, but I never let a man have me for five shillings, and I +never will,—give me five shillings more." +

+

+"Let me feel you, if you won't let me poke you." "You may do that." +Leaning her bum against the side of the bed, I began groping; she +complaisantly moving one leg up on to a chair, so as to open her thighs +well, got hold of my prick, and began frigging it. "Give me another +five shillings", said she coaxingly, and under the influence of the +masturbating process I gave it to her. She gave my penis the most +delicate titillation whilst I was searching in my pocket for the money, +but she would not let me after she had got the five shillings. She went +on frigging me, repeating that she never let any one have her unless she +had a pound given her. +

+

+I was annoyed, and hated frigging. Here was a well-formed woman, a cunt +at hand, and yet I was to spunk out on to the floor, was being made a +fool of. Stopping I said, "You don't mean to let me, whatever I give +you." "Yes I do, for a sovereign." "Frig me then." She took my tool in +her hand, and frigged. "Let me spend against your cunt." "No." "Against +your thighs." "No." "Oh!—ah!" Finding it was coming she left off. +"Give me five shillings, and I will", said she, but I would not, began +frigging myself, and spite of her pushed one hand up on to her thighs, +and frigged away with the other. "Take care of my dress", said she. The +savage delight of doing what she wished me not, came over me. Turning +my prick I shot my sperm copiously over her silk dress, and finished +by flinging from my fingers what remained of it towards her face. +"You damned dirty beast, you did it on purpose." "Serve you right, you +cheating whore", said I putting on my hat, and leaving her with a towel +wiping off my sperm, and cursing me as she did it. I don't know when I +felt so spiteful against a woman as I did against her. My discharge was +quick and copious, I saw it on her waist downwards. I have been bilked +before and since, but have mostly pardoned the woman, for sometimes I +have thought the poor things had their courses on, or some ailment or +deformity; but I still seem to hate this one. +

+

+I may add that at the time these doings took place there were but three +theatres in the Strand. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER II. +

+
+     Preliminary remarks.—A dress-lodger.—Lucy.—Sweet
+     seventeen.—An impudent demand.—A row.—The bawd.—My watch
+     requisitioned.—Exit barred.—Bill.—Funking.—
+     Determination.—The poker and window.—Vici.—Apologies.—A
+     cautious retreat.—My revenge.—Lucy scared away.—Brighton
+     Bessie.—Washing by fire-light.—Friendly intimacy.—The
+     house in B.w Street.—Lascivious evenings.
+
+

+I have read through the two volumes in print. There are typographical +errors, the names of women and places are once or twice wrongly given +or spelt, but the context corrects that, and it matters not. What is +important is; that owing to the brevity with which some occurrences are +told, they almost seem improbable; this is the result of not printing my +narrative all through exactly as I wrote it. In the manuscript, items of +conversation, and numerous details of the behaviour of myself and female +partners in my amours, were written down just as they occurred, and +showed how the climax was reached; how little by little man and woman +inclined to each other, how one pressed, and the other yielded, how from +modest talk and chaste kisses our chastity gradually was lost, how by +touch and sighs and yielding to the swooning lust which coursed stronger +and stronger through our veins, our genitals inflamed, swollen, and +sweating, drove us to contact with each other, till the carnal coupling +ensued, and prick and cunt revelling and wallowing in each other's +juices, drowned both wants and senses in voluptuous oblivion. +

+

+These details also gave studies of character, and specially of my own +character, and as I now read the narratives in print after the lapse of +so many years they seem to me to be needed to explain myself, even to +myself. It is too late. The manuscript is burnt, that printed in its +stead must be taken as truth or not, as scepticism or faith prevails in +the reader, if ever there be one but myself. +

+

+Nor can I less abbreviate even now and in the future I fear, for the +full narrative would entail too much expense in printing, and prolong +the time of completion. Yet what pleasure I had in the wordy veracities +as I wrote them, childish, fantastic, ludicrous, as some of the doings +and sayings now seem! How unlike the doings of the couples in erotic +books which I since have read, books written with no other object but to +stimulate the passions,—no object that of mine in writing this. +

+

+The narratives were written in the present tense, but in print have been +altered to the past, which gives them an air of a studied composition, +written as a man might write a novel; but the writing extended over well +nigh forty years, and barely a word has been altered, excepting those +due to omissions. +

+

+There are however a few remarks added here and there to explain the +circumstances and connect the incidents; these are needful to explain +lapses of time, and to show the continuity of the history, for all the +amours were written separately; yet often I had two or three women in +hand at the same period. So in arranging them chronologically a few +additions and observations were needful to explain, and these are of +them. +

+

+One muddy night in the Strand there was an exceedingly well-dressed and +very short-petticoated (they all wore them then) girl of about seventeen +years of age; her legs especially pleased me, they were so plump and +neat, and her feet so well shod. After my offer had been accepted, +we went to a house in a court just by Drury-Lane Theatre, and to a +top-floor front-room very handsomely furnished. She lived there, and +was a dress-lodger as I found afterwards. She was beautifully clean, +had fine linen, and was no sham in any way; a fresh, strong, plump, +well-made young girl with lovely firm breasts, and a small quantity of +brown hair on her cunt. Cunt and breasts looked only seventeen years, +backside, thighs, arms, calves looked twenty. She stripped, and with but +one feel and a stretch of her pretty cunt-lips, and a moment's glance I +plugged her, and recollect now my enjoyment of her. Then I dressed, +and so did she. Though so young, she was a well trained whore, had much +pleased me by her freedom in manner, even to the way in which she washed +her cunt and pissed after her fuck. I was not with her I should say +twenty minutes if so long; my lust for her had been so strong. +

+

+"What's this?" said she disdainfully as I gave her half-a-sovereign. +"What I promised you." "Oh! no you did not, I expect five pounds." I +expostulated. "Look at this room, look at my dress,—do you expect me to +let a man come here with me for ten shillings?" "Its all I promised, had +you refused I should not have come with you." Then I put on my hat, and +moved towards the door; she placed her back against it. "You don't go +out of here till you give me three sovereigns." It must be added that I +had paid for the room what appeared to me then a large sum. +

+

+I was in for a row, had not as much as two pounds about me, and was +fearful of exposure, just then a row in a baudy house would have injured +me if known. +

+

+I gave her ten shillings more, she took it, but refused to let me go, +she did not believe I had so little money,—I was a gentleman, let me +behave as such,—no I should not go till I gave her what she asked. I +tried to pull her from the door, but could not, then sat down on the +chair, saying that if I must wait, why so I must. +

+

+She tried coaxing, I told her I was entitled to another fuck for +my other ten shillings. Well I might if I gave her another twenty +shillings. I put hands up her petticoats, and fingers up her quim, +thinking she was giving way,—but no. I had forgotten my fears in my +randiness which came on again by fumbling about her rump and cunt, and +pulled out my prick stiff again. She bent over me, and gave it two or +three frigs. That so excited me, that verily I believe I should have +given her the money if I had had it, for the pleasure of having her +again; but putting my hand into my trows-ers, found silver only to +something like a pound in value, and told her that. Then losing her +gentility she said, "I'm damned if you do go, you bugger, till you have +paid me properly." +

+

+Fear of exposure came over me, but I hid it, and sitting down looked at +her as she stood against the door in her petticoats, her handsome limbs +showing bright in their silks, and her plump breasts just squeezing the +bubbies over the top of the stays. Laying hold of my tool I pulled it +out. "Stand there as long as you like, you look lovely,—as you won't +let me fuck you, I'll frig myself." Suiting the action to the word I +began fist-fucking, not meaning however to finish so. It was but chaff, +for indeed I was funky. +

+

+She stood looking till I said, "I'm coming,—I'm spending,—lift up +your petticoats, and let me see your cunt." Then unlocking the door and +opening it quickly she bawled out, "Mrs. Smith, Mrs. Smith, come up, +here's a bilk, come up quickly." +

+

+I was now near spending as may be guessed, but buttoning up, went +towards the door. She heard me, turned round, came in, shut the door, +and stood with her back to it till a woman came in; and then she told +her I had given her ten shillings. +

+

+The woman was incensed, was I a gent? she was sure I was, why not pay +properly then?—a beautiful young girl like that,—just out,—look at +her shape, and her face,—she had written to a dozen gents who knew her +house, and they had all come to see this beauty,—all had given her five +pounds, some ten pounds, they were so delighted with her,—and much of +the same talk. The girl began to whimper, saying she never had been so +insulted in her life before. +

+

+I told her that I had only promised ten shillings, but had given more; +that the girl was certainly beautiful, and the room elegant; but I was +poor, and would not have come at all had I known the cost. I had not the +money, and therefore could not pay. Then the bawd's tone changed. She +was not going to have the poor girl insulted in that manner, she knew +better about my means of paying, and I should not go till I paid more. +

+

+We went on wrangling until the bawd said, "Well if you have not money +give us your watch and chain, we will pawn it, and give you the ticket, +and you can get it out of pawn." +

+

+I had hidden my watch,—nearly always did so then when I went with +whores whom I did not know,—but saw in this a threat, and was getting +more funky, yet determined to resist whatever came of it; so said I had +no watch, and if I had, that I would see her damned first, before I gave +it up. "Oh! won't you", said she, "we will see if you won't,—we don't +allow a poor girl to be robbed by chaps like you in our house,—call up +Bill", said she to the girl. I saw that a bully was about to be let on +me, and my heart beat hard and fast; but give up my watch I made up my +mind I would not unless they murdered me. I had an undefined suspicion +that they would illtreat and rob me, and prepared for the worst,—my +pluck got up then. +

+

+But fear of exposure was before me. "Look", said I, "I have no watch, +I have given her twenty shillings, here is every farthing I have about +me", and emptied my purse (there was but a shilling or two in it) +before them, and put all the money I had loose in my pocket on to the +chimney-piece. There was I think about seventeen shillings in all. +"Look it is every farthing I have,—you may have that you damned +thieves,—take it and let me go,—see my pockets are empty",—and I +turned them inside out. +

+

+"You've got more", said she, "be a gent, give her three pounds, she +never has less,—look at her, poor thing!" The girl stood whimpering, +she and the woman stood with their backs to the door, I with my back to +the two windows of the room which looked out on to the public court; the +fire-place was between us, the foot of the bed towards it; the fire was +burning brightly, the room was quite light. There they stood, the +clean, fresh, wholesome-looking lass, and besides her a shortish, thick, +hooked-nosed, tawney-colored, evil-looking woman,—the bawd,—she looked +like a bilious Jewess. +

+

+The woman kept repeating this, for a minute or two. I refused to give +any more, and grew collected. "Come now, what are you going to do?" said +the woman, "you are wasting all her evening." I took up half-a-crown +off the mantle-shelf, and pushing the rest along it, "I must keep this", +said I, "but take all the rest, I have no more,—I have no watch,—let +me go." The woman laughed sneeringly, and did not touch the money, +turned round, opened the door, and called out "Bill, Bill, come up." +"Halloh!" said a loud male voice from below. +

+

+I turned round, and with a violent pull, tore aside the red +window-curtains, and throwing up the window, and putting my head +out beneath the white blind, I screamed out, +"Police!—police!—murder!—murder!—police!—police!" +

+

+Beneath the very window stalked a policeman; heard me he must, the whole +alley must have heard me, but the policeman took no notice, and stalking +on turned round the corner out of sight. Then the fear came over me +that he was bribed, I feared they might be coming behind me, and turned +round; the woman was close to me, the girl at her back. "What are you +doing?" yelled the woman, "what are you kicking up a row for?—shut +the window,—go if you want, who is keeping you?—this is a respectable +house, this is." +

+

+A tumult of ideas and fears rushed through my mind, I feared Bill was +close at hand, and pushing the woman back with one hand I seized the +poker with the right one. "Keep back, or I will smash you", said I +flourishing it, and again I shouted out, "Police!—police!" but not +with my head out of the window this time. +

+

+The old woman backed and shut the door again, the young one came +forwards speaking in a hurried tone, the old one dropped her voice to +a whine; she did not want to keep me if I wanted to go. "Shut the +window,—let her shut it,—give the poor girl two pounds then, and go." +Her house was a respectable house, the police knew it, why did I come to +such a house if I had no money? The girl cried, I blustered, swore, and +all three were speaking at the same time for two or three minutes. +

+

+"Let me go." "Who stops you?" said the old woman, "give me the money." +"Open the door, and go out first then." "I shan't", said the woman with +a snap and a look like a demon. I turned round, and with the poker made +a smash at the window. The curtains had swung, the white blind was down, +but I heard the glass shiver and crash, a shout of "Hulloh!" from some +one in the court. I raised the poker again against the looking-glass. +"Get out, or I'll smash this, and you, and everything else in the room", +striking a chair violently, and breaking it. I now did not care what +I did, but was determined to fight Bill, or any one else, and not be +robbed. +

+

+The women were cowed, they cried out, Pray drop the poker,—they +meant no harm,—the girl always had three pounds at least,—if I would +not,—why I would not,—they never have had such a row in the house +before,—to have her twice, and give her ten shillings was shameful. "A +lie you bloody bawd, I have only had her once, and she has had twenty +shillings." "Well, there's a good gentleman, go, and don't make a noise +as you go downstairs,—look at her, poor thing, how you have frightened +her,—she will let you have her again, if you like,—won't you +Lucy?"—"well come along then, but don't make a row,—leave the poker, +—what do you want that for?" whined the woman. I would not relinquish +the poker, they should go out first. The woman went, the girl waited +behind to put on her frock. As she did so the little bitch lifted her +petticoats to her thighs, showed her cunt, jerked her belly, winked and +nodded her head in the direction of the old woman. I did not know nor +heed what she meant by her nod and wink. "Get out,—get on,—get out,—I +won't have you behind me." She made a farting noise with her mouth, and +dropping her clothes went out. I followed her, looked at the doors on +each landing as I passed, fearing some one might come out behind me, and +edged downstairs sideways, looking both up and down. One door slightly +opened and closed again; at the street-door the old woman said she was +so sorry, it was all a mistake, and hoped to see me again. My blood +was roused, I would have smashed woman or man who stood in my way, and +eyeing the girl said, "Look at me well, if you meet me in the Strand +again, cut away at once, get out of my sight, or I'll give you in +charge for annoying me, or robbing me, you bloody bitch, look out for +yourself." Then dropping the poker on the mat I went out, glad enough to +be away from the den. +

+

+About a fortnight afterwards I saw the girl in the Strand, followed her +for a quarter of an hour, saw her speak to various men, saw that an old, +common, low servant followed her at a distance, occasionally stopping +to speak with her, and turning up a street for that purpose. There was +a fascination about looking at the girl; she was showily but handsomely +dressed, her legs looked lovely. I longed to fuck her again, but without +any intention of gratifying my lust, for I loathed her whilst lusting +for her. She turned up C. t...e Street, stood over the gutter and pissed +standing, the old woman talking to her and partly hiding her whilst +she emptied her bladder. I waited till she had done. It was only about +half-past nine o'clock. +

+

+She came towards me thinking I wanted her. I moved back close to a lamp, +and raised my hat. "Look at me you damned whore, you attempted to rob me +the other night, go out of the Strand, or I'll tell the next policeman +you have picked my pocket." She turned on her heels and bolted without +uttering a word, the old woman after her, cursing. +

+

+A month or two afterwards I saw her again, she was speaking to a group +of gay women. Said I, "That bitch attempted to rob me the other night at +——— Court." "It's a lie", said she, but again turned round, and ran +up a side-street as fast as she could. I don't recollect seeing her +afterwards. +

+

+I often used to go and look at the house when that way, it was such a +needy-looking house outside with a narrow steep staircase starting close +to the street-door. No one would have imagined it was so handsomely +furnished inside (although I only saw the top-room). Two or three years +afterwards there was a row there, a man tumbled down the stairs (or +was pitched down), and was picked up dead. The owner of the house was +transported. I don't know if it was the same man who was called Bill, +but suspect it was, and that many a visitor had been bullied out of his +money in that house. +

+

+One night about this time I saw a well-grown, stout woman who looked +four-and-twenty. "What a thigh she must have," thought I, "can I afford +her?" and I felt in my pocket. Ten shillings with the room besides was +too much for me that night. I passed her again looking her in the face, +and longing for her, until she knew me and smiled. She had a bright +laughing eye. Summoning courage I gave her a signal, and she followed me +up a bye-street. +

+

+"I have only five shillings." "Lord! you do want it cheap,—make it ten +shillings." "I can't." "Well I can't." "Three half-crowns, and then +with the room I shan't have a shilling in my pocket." I used to speak in +that frank way to them. She laughed. "You are an odd sort of chap,—well +come along,—what house are you going to take me to?" "Where you +like,—I don't know them." "Oh! yes you do," said she, "you know well +enough with that eye of yours." We turned into a house which we both +knew, not one of the most expensive. +

+

+I was exceedingly pleased with her manner, and in her house still more +pleased with her face. Her eye was one of the merriest, she was bright, +and fresh-colored, yet the general color of her flesh was slightly +brown. Her plumpness made me so randy I could scarcely wait to feel or +look at her, I wanted to push on to the fullest pleasures at once. +

+

+She eyed me pleasantly, and made some remark about the smallness of the +sum, which made me uncomfortable. She saw it, and laughing showed a set +of beautiful small white teeth. I gave her her money at once, and +then began preliminaries. The room I recollect well. There was a +large four-post bed, a large wire screen three feet high all round the +fire-place, like those in nurseries. The house-woman flattened the fire +down, and took away the poker,—to prevent the fire being stirred I +suppose. There was but one candle, and the room was dark, there was +scarcely gas in any of the houses in those days. +

+

+I drew her to me, my hand roved about her bum, belly, and notch, I asked +her to undress, desire increasing by the feel of her thighs made me +inquisitive. She would not undress, was in a hurry, some other night +perhaps, not now. Impatient so that I might begin, I placed her on the +edge of the bed, putting a chair for one of her feet. She lifted up her +clothes freely, and I saw her cunt. +

+

+It was surrounded, though not in great quantity, with fine chestnut +brown, soft, thick hair, her thighs were large, round, fat, and firm, +the split looked small, was small outside, and I found it to be small +inside as well. A large bum squeezed together by the position in which +she was lying closed up almost the cuntal opening, so that just where +the prick must intrude itself, the hole could scarcely be seen, her +flesh had the slightly brown tint of her face. How is it that at a +glance all this was seen, and remembered ever since? What fascination a +cunt has! Strange that a mere gap close to an arse-hole should have such +power. +

+

+In admiration of her cunt and its surroundings I held a candle for a +moment between her thighs. "Hold your quim open,—do,—do." Her hand +came down, the fore and middle-finger went on either side of the split, +and distended the lips, showed the red lining, a clitoris, small, and +nice-looking, and small nymphae sloping down to the narrow carmine +darkness, closing up gradually and tightly between her bum-cheeks, +squeezed up and closed by the weight of her body pressing up her bum the +bed. +

+

+"I can bear being looked at", said she. "Then open your legs +wider,—wider dear." Wider they went. Candle in one hand I pushed the +finger of the other up her cunt. Then all delight of the eye was merged +in the maddening desire to fuck. Putting the candle somewhere it fell +down, and was extinguished; at the same moment slipping my prick to the +opening, with a smooth glide up it went. Before I had moved my prick +half a minute I was spending, before I had had a wriggle in her, before +I had well clasped her buttocks, I was leaning over her sighing, and had +finished before I had well began. I now think I feel my sensation up +her as I write this, of the rapturous smoothing of her buttocks as I +finished. Some women make me recollect them thus. +

+

+"What a bore", said I squeezing my belly close up to hers, "I hate to be +quick." I heard her laugh, but could not see her face. She did not hurry +me out of her, but at length nature caused me to withdraw, and we got +the candle lighted. +

+

+Washing herself whilst I stood talking and regretting my haste, holding +my unwashed prick in front of her, she laughing and saying I must take +my time another day, emptied the basin, and turning round asked if she +should wash me. Years had elapsed I think since a woman had done so to +me, then it was by a French woman. The offer comes to me now as having +been an unusual one. Delighted I let her. Delicately handling my doodle +she soaped and washed it, making complimentary remarks about it as she +did so. +

+

+The operation excited me, I stiffened. "Oh! I do so want you again,—let +me." "No its late,—if I don't make money before twelve I never do +afterwards,—see me another night,—besides you can't do it again yet." +"Let me feel you then only for a minute." She approached me, one hand I +put to her cunt, the other thrusting between her fat bum-cheeks met the +tip of the fingers on the other hand. "My prick's standing so." "It's +not." "Feel it." She put her hand down and felt, I stiff to the utmost +kept asking her to let me again. "Well get on the bed then", said she +after feeling me quietly for a minute,—"see the candle has burnt down, +it won't last long." By the time she had said this she was lying down +with her clothes up above her navel. +

+

+We were fucking with intensity, the candle went out, I felt her kisses. +"Oh! what a lovely cunt you have." "You've a nice prick,—who taught +you to poke so nicely?" Our tongues met,—silence, sighs, short shoves, +spunk,—and all was over. "Let me wash your cunt." "Very well." "You +wash my prick." "Yes." The mutual washing over we separated, I promising +to see her again. We had washed by the fire-light alone. +

+

+Next night at the same time we fucked again. I stripped her, and was +enamoured of her body if not of herself. She made no sign of wanting +to leave me, but rather wanted to keep me. I had not since I lost Mary +tasted a woman's mouth, with this woman I was delighted in doing so, +though with the ordinary gay women I could not bear their tongues. +Whilst we were fucking they knocked at the door saying they wanted the +room. Bessie swore, "Damn her", said she, "for interrupting us,—and +the money I have brought her." This increased my pleasure, and Bessie +participated in it. After fucking her twice we sat by the fire and +talked, she warming her bum, her petticoats up to her knees, my hand on +her quim, and airing my balls. "If you want me another night, and can't +see me, ask the woman about,—ask for Brighton Bessie,—there are two +Bessies, so mind,—Brighton Bessie", said she as we parted. +

+

+I found I could talk to this woman. Whilst doing so she would sit on my +knees and feel my prick, and I feel her privates. I had long wanted +such a free-and-easy acquaintance, for nothing annoyed me like the sham +modesty of doxies, their shuffling out of showing me their cunts, their +hurry to get me up them, and away afterwards. Bessie had none of this. +Like Camille, Mary, and all women I ever kept to long, she let me do +absolutely as I pleased, and without hurry would copulate, then sit and +talk till we were ready again +

+

+for the exercise. But they did not at the house in——— +

+

+Street fancy our staying so long at their busy time; so she arranged to +meet me at B. w Street one night, and took me to a house there which was +dearer, but where she said they rarely interrupted couples. +

+

+It was nearly opposite to the Opera-House, since built. It had a very +large frontage, six or seven windows of a row I think, a dingy-looking +building that most people would have passed without noticing, or would +have thought it a dwelling-house of poorish people. The knowing ones +would have guessed that it meant something hidden and convenient. There +was no light outside, but if you pushed the door by night or by day, it +opened into a darkish lobby, then passing through a glass door with a +glimmer of light at the back, a woman met you, and conducted you to +a chamber, big or small, handsomely or poorly furnished according to +price. In it there must have been twenty rooms, and there was more +bum-wagging, more seed spent, more sighs of pleasure in that house +nightly, than in any other house in London I should think. +

+

+It was dearer; but if you stayed for hours no one ever interrupted you. +There were in Winter good large fires, the rooms were a good size, there +was no gas, two candles were given, if you wanted more you paid extra. +Wine and liquor of fair quality was got for you. The furniture was +somewhat dingy, but all the rooms had sofas on which two could lie, and +beds large enough for three with clean linen always. It was one of the +most quiet, comfortable accommodation-shops I ever was in, and with +Brighton Bessie, I passed there many voluptuous evenings. +

+

+I took a bottle of champagne with me there one night, the first time I +ever did so to a baudy house when I met a gay woman; but I wanted that +night a long, quiet evening with a free woman, and had one with her +quite after my own fashion. +

+

+I had Bessie often for about two years, and at intervals for two or +three years after that, the last was about ten years after I had first +met her. I never had a passion for her, nor did I keep only to her; but +through the Winter of this year, as nearly as I can recollect, I had few +but her. After next hot weather my lust ran riot, I got also better +off, and treated my pego to variety, but we then frequently met at B.w +Street. Poor Bessie fell in love with me, and was fond of liquor as I +shall tell, now will only tell of the way our evenings, and at times +afternoons were passed together. +

+

+If warm enough we used to strip, and lay outside the bed; if not got +into bed. As she was beautifully shaped I first took my delight in +contemplating her, then I laid along the bed, my head near her knees, +she the reverse way, and again I inspected. Sometimes she twiddled my +cock, and I her clitoris, but generally the time was spent in putting +her in every voluptuous posture, and fucking in all sorts of positions. +She liked it. "It's all my eye", she used to remark when we talked on +the subject saying, "I don't like it,—I like fucking and baudiness, +it's the best thing in life,—a short life and lots of fucking is my +motto,—women who say they never spend with men are liars,—they all +like it as much as I do." She was but twenty-one years old, although her +stoutness made her look older. And now I leave her for a time. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER III. +

+
+     A change in taste.—A small cunt longed for.—Hunting in the
+     Strand.—Yellow-haired Kitty.—Her little companion.—Oh!
+     you foule.—The house in E...t.r Street.—Double fees.—
+     Kitty's pleasure.—Objections to washing.—Have the other
+     gal.—Cleanliness.—Home occupations.—I ain't gay.—Kitty's
+     males.
+
+

+I don't know why my erotic fancies took the desire for a young lass, +but they did. My taste had for the most part run upon the big, fleshy, +fat-cunted, and large-arsed; now perhaps for contrast, perhaps from +sheer curiosity, the letch took possession of me. A small cunt, tight +and hairless perhaps,—I wondered how it looked, felt, and if pleasure +would be increased by it, and though my prick swelled when spending +until I have groaned under the grip, even of a large cunt, I longed for +quite a little one. I had never had a very young girl,—excepting the +little child,—Nelly and Sophy had both a little hair on their mottes, +so I would try for a youthful quim and one if possible with no hair on +it. +

+

+I was not versed in the walks and ways of little ones, and looking about +at night saw none. Talking about it at my Club, I heard they were to be +seen mostly in the day-time, so I looked out in the Strand for what I +wanted, and during day-light. +

+

+On a blazing hot afternoon in June I walked about a long time thinking +of youthful harlots, but saw none, or if I did could not distinguish +them. At length I saw two young girls idling about, looking in at the +shop windows on the other side of the way. One was dressed all in black, +and was taller and stouter than the other. They were not got up in any +showy way, but looked like the children of decent mechanics. +

+

+They took no notice of any one, nor any one of them, they stopped at a +shop, and I noticed that the biggest had the largest legs. A plump form +had as said attractions to me almost superior to face. Crossing to the +other side of the way I passed them, looking them full in the face. +The taller one was good-looking, white-faced, and had goldenish hair, +a colour I could not bear. They looked at me, but there was nothing to +indicate fastness. Returning I met them again, the same stare, the same +indifference. Thinking of their little cunts, and getting randy and +reckless I determined to try. They stopped at a sweetmeat-shop; going +to the side of them, and looking into the shop, not at them, so as to +prevent my being noticed, "I'll buy you whatever you want if you will +come with me", I said. The bigger of the two edged away from me, after +looking up in my face, whispered something to her companion, and they +both moved along the street without noticing me further. +

+

+I was disconcerted, and went over to the opposite side of the way again +watching them, they went to a print-shop, and looked in; the big one +looked in the direction of a lolly-pop shop, and up and down the +street. She was looking after me evidently, so I crossed over, met them +full-face, and as I passed said without stopping, "Come with me, and +I'll give you money." +

+

+I turned a corner, and looked, they were at another shop, the bigger +girl with her arm round the smaller one's neck. I again passed them, +going back to do so, and saying, "I'll give you three and sixpence." +That was the exact sum, and then turned up a street which led to baudy +houses, and waited at the turning into the street. +

+

+The two girls turned the corner, stopped, and talked, the bigger laid +hold of, and slightly pulled the smaller, and seemed to be persuading +her. Failing apparently she left her, but turned back, spoke to her +again, and both came on together. Then I turned into the back-street, +the two girls appeared at the corner of that, and then stopped and +talked for a minute. Tired of waiting I thought I had made a mistake, +and going slowly back heard the bigger one say, "You are a foule." +"Oh! you foule." "Come he wants us." "You foule." +

+

+"I don't want her," said I, "but you,—come,"—and returning entered a +baudy house, the outer-door of which stood open, thinking the bigger one +would follow, and sure now that she was a harlot. I then passed through +the inner door which as usual then had a glass window covered with a red +curtain. +

+

+A minute elapsed, the baudy house-keeper had been spoken to, but the +girl not coming, I opened the door to look out. The bigger girl was +just inside the outer door, and was pulling in the other one. "Come you +foule,—you said you would,—he'll give you money as well as me, and +I'll give you some of mine too,—well you are a foule," quite bawling it +out. There was not much secrecy needed in such things at those times, in +those streets. +

+

+"I don't want her," said I hurriedly, "it's you,—come in, or I won't +wait." She came in, the other girl disappeared, and we were soon in a +bed-room together. +

+

+It was the first house at that end of the street, had been newly opened, +and was furnished in a style not like a baudy house; no show, neat and +clean, but cheaply; no bed-hangings (and in those days most baudy houses +had bed-hangings), the blinds were new and white, the beds quite clean. +The top-floor room where I went for economy was two shillings and +sixpence. The woman of the house was tall, comely, and middle-aged. As +I paid her I noticed she had fat red cheeks. How curious that I should +recollect those red cheeks. She had a white apron on, and was a civil +sort of creature. +

+

+The girl stood still staring at me. Sitting on the edge of the bed +I stared at her, filled with baudy curiosity and the appreciation of +novelty. "Why won't you have the other gal?" said she. "I don't want +her, nor want two,—and she is a dirty little imp." "No she ain't dirty, +she washes herself like me,—let her come up." "No,—come you here." +"She is quite clean,—I wash her myself sometimes." "No, come here I +tell you." +

+

+The girl came to me dawling. I put my hands up her clothes. A fleshy +little bum met my hand, then in the front a smooth belly, a motte almost +hairless as it seemed. She said not a word, but gave a sort of jerk of +her body, and as my hand touched her bum it jutted forwards, and as I +drew my hand round to her belly she drew her belly back. It did not seem +like shame. She did not utter a word. "Take off your things", said I. +

+

+She drew away from me, and took off her bonnet, then stood still. "Off +with your things," I said throwing off some of mine. "I can't take them +off,—if I do I can't fasten them again, they are in a knot." "Take +them off." "If I do you will have to fasten me." "So I will." Slowly she +stripped to her chemise. "Take that off." "I won't." "Come here then." +She came. Laying hold of her I lifted her bodily, and threw her with her +back on the bed, throwing up her chemise and stretching open her legs +quickly. She gave a suppressed "hoh!" put her hand down to her cunt, and +felt her mons nervously. +

+

+"Take away your hand dear." She took it away, then I pulled open her +little thing. Such a delicious little gap it was, with the smallest +possible quantity of golden hair just showing on it; such a smooth white +belly and thighs, and all so plump, that I was wonder-struck at a young +girl being so round and fine. I had not expected under that shabby black +clothing anything so nice. I was charmed with her head also; in a big +black and shabby bonnet I had seen nothing but a white face and large +blue eyes. Her hair was golden in tone, bright and flowing. +

+

+Whilst pulling off my trowsers she sat up and asked, "Is it big?" For +the instant I did not quite know what she meant. "What's big?" "Your +thing,—measure it." I went up to her pulling out my pego. "It is +big," said she. "It's little," said I. "It ain't,—it's big." "No." +"Yes,—don't push hard sir,—will you now?" "No my dear I won't,—Is it +bigger than other men's pricks?" "I shan't tell you." "Well lay down and +open your thighs,"—again I lifted her on to the bed. "Don't you do it +hard," said she getting up again, "or I won't let you." "Then I won't +pay you." Back she fell, I wetted my prick, put it to the notch, and +with a shove or two was well up her. She gave a "oh,—oooh!" and then +laid quiet. Grasping her fat little bum I fucked, then stopping pulled +out my prick, and looked at her cunt. "What are you a going to do?" said +she in an astonished way. +

+

+"Get quite on to the bed dear." Slow at obeying I helped her into the +posture, and got on to her, and brought my pleasure to an end, lying on +the top of the pretty little girl. +

+

+I lay on her long afterwards, and tried by the muscular contraction +of my arse-cheeks and ballock-roots to stiffen my pego again. She laid +quiet all the time with my prick up her, but I could not manage it, my +prick shrunk. +

+

+A second erection without uncunting being impossible, I got into a +kneeling posture between her open legs, and checked a slight movement +on her part saying, "Now lie quiet,—don't move." There was I kneeling +between her thighs; looking down I saw her half-opened cunt with the +gruelly tide issuing from it, took my prick in hand half its potential +size, flabby and wet, pulled back the skin, and out rolled a large drop +of sperm on to her thigh. She lay quite quiet, looking at me, her yellow +hair falling all around her head as it lay on the pillow. Now I was +astonished at her beauty, I had not noticed it fully before. +

+

+"You are very handsome,—how old are you?" "Fifteen and a little." "You +must be more." "I don't know, but mother says so." I looked at her cunt, +the hair on it was not an eighth of an inch long, scarcely any of it, +and of course showing no intention of curling, but her form was so round +that I could not believe she was so young. "Fifteen and a little," she +repeated, her aunt and her mother had been disputing the day of her +birth; her mother was out of her mind when she gave birth to her. "Aunt +says I ain't fifteen." +

+

+"Give the other gal a shilling,—do," she broke in whilst I was +questioning her about age, and kneeling between her thighs. "What are +you so anxious about the other girl for?" "She lives over us, and is my +friend,—will you give her a shilling?—do." "Why?" "Do,—if you don't +I shall give her a shilling of mine, and give her some of mine +anyhow,—you said you'd give me three and sixpence, didn't you?" +

+

+Curiously amused I laughed. "I'll give you a shilling for her, if you +let me do it to you again." "Oh! do," said she. +

+

+It was hot, I had not reposed after my pleasure, so quitting my kneeling +position I laid down besides her, and began feeling her breasts. She +turned her head towards me. "You have not washed yourself," said I after +a minute's amusement with her bubbles. "It ain't no good if yer ar going +to make a mess in it agin,—when you've done it I'll wash it all out +together." I thought from that speech she was not an old one at the +game, yet after all she only behaved as every young girl I have had +usually behaved, they have mostly objected to washing their cunts +directly after a poke, I think they rarely wash it until requested. +There must be some sweet tranquillizing pleasure which a man's sperm +gives to a woman's cunt, and makes her undesirous of washing it out. It +is only when a woman knows it is good for her health if she be gay, that +she ever does it. No married woman washes the sperm out of her cunt, yet +in the morning after a night's fucking you never find the sperm if you +feel in the cunt for it,—where does it go?—it is absorbed I suppose. +

+

+We lay thus and talked. "How old are you really?" "Fifteen and two +months, as I told yer,—I always was fat, but ain't so fat as I was +though,—father used to say I should get fat on gruel." I should have +guessed her full sixteen had it not been for the little hair there was +on her motte, and the delicate pink small cut, and tight prick-hole. +"How long have you been gay?" "I ain't gay," said she astonished. "Yes +you are." "No I ain't." "You let men fuck you, don't you?" "Yes, but I +ain't gay." "What do you call gay?" "Why the gals who come out regular +of a night dressed up, and gets their livings by it." I was amused. +

+

+"Don't you?" "No, mother keeps me." "What is your father?" "Got none, +he's dead three months back,—mother works, and keeps us.—she is a +charwoman, and goes out on odd jobs." "Don't you work?" "Not now," said +she in a confused way, "mother does not want me to, I takes care of the +others." "What others?" "The young ones." "How many?" "Two,—one's a +boy, and one's a gal." "How old?" "Sister's about six, and brother's +nearly eight,—but what do you ask me all this for?" "Only for +amusement,—then you are in mourning for your father?" "Yes, it's +shabby, ain't it?—I wish I could have nice clothes, I've got nice +boots,—ain't they?"—cocking up one leg, "a lady gived em me when +father died,—they are my best." +

+

+"Are you often in the Strand?" "When I gets out I likes walking in it, +and looking at the shops,—I do if mother's out for the day." "Does she +know you are out?" The girl who had been lying on her back with her +head full towards me, turned on her side, and giggling said in a sort of +confidential way, "Bless you no,—she'd beat me if she knew,—when +she be out I locks them up, and takes the key, and then I goes back +to them,—I've got the key in my pocket, and shall be home before +mother,—she is out for the whole day." +

+

+"Do the children know you're out?" "No, I says to them, 'You be quiet +now, I'm going to the yard.'" "What's the yard?" said I not reflecting. +The girl thought a minute, chuckled, turned her head, and was silent, +she was actually blushing. "What's the yard?" Suddenly it struck me, +"Going to the privy?" She burst out laughing. "Yes that's it, I say I'm +going to the privy, and then I comes out with her, and they can't get +out, so they are all right, and we go back together if she's with me; if +she ain't I go back by myself,—there,"—and she stopped satisfied with +her explanation. "They may set fire to themselves," said I. "There ain't +no fire after we have had breakfast, I puts it out, and lights it at +night if mother wants hot water." +

+

+"What do you do with yourself all day?" "I washed both of them, I gives +them food if we've got any, then washes the floor and everything, and +then washes myself, then I looks out of the winer." "Wash yourself." +"Yes I washes from head to foot allus." "Have you a tub?" "No we've only +got a pail and a bowl, but I'm beautiful clean,—mother tells every one +I'm the beautifullest clean gal a mother ever had,—I wash everything, +mother's too tired. Sometimes we all go out and walk, but that's at +night; sometime I lays abed nearly all day." +

+

+She was beautifully clean in her flesh, her linen was clean, its color +awful; but what could be expected from a pail, a bowl, and one room to +dry things in. "You can't always be washing." "No, I do all the mending +and making,—look how my finger is pricked," said she showing it. +

+

+I had been smoothing and feeling her all over, her unwashed cunt had +come in for its share of my attentions, I had been twiddling it till +outside it was dry. Recurring to the never-failing, and always charming +theme, I got close to her, kissed her, my fingers sought the innermost +recesses of her tight little orifice. "Don't you like fucking?—does it +give you pleasure?" "It never gived me much pleasure that I know on," +she replied. "But you don't dislike it?" "Not if they don't hurt me." +"Do they ever?" "One or two have, if they push hard,—but I shan't say +no more,—there." +

+

+There was a frankness, openness, and freshness about this girl which +delighted me. Question after question I put, and would be answered; +if evaded I put it in another shape, but she seemed willing mostly to +reply. I put into her little head things she had never dreamed of, +and all the time kept rubbing her clitoris, probing her little quim, +distending it, tickling it, and exciting her till she wriggled her +little fat bum. +

+

+"Do I hurt you?" "Oh! no,"—"let me then,"—"oh! don't sir,—I wish you +would not." "Did you never enjoy the prick up you?—never enjoy a fuck! +—you shall enjoy it with me." "Don't now," said she turning herself +round as I frigged on. "Feel my prick dear." She did not need a second +invitation. "Is it not stiff?" "Yes, and big." "Yes,—yes,—but oh! +don't sir,—take away your hand,—ah!" I talked on, frigging and +tickling, my prick throbbing, but restraining myself, for instinct told +me she was about to enjoy a pleasure she had never enjoyed yet. All at +once she relinquished my prick, a slight heaving of her belly, and her +eyes closed, then I knew she was ready to discharge. +

+

+I ceased to frig, her eyes opened, her thighs which had closed opened +again. I joined my body to hers, and we were one, I fucked,—we fucked +now, for the little lass in a minute or two was dissolving in pleasure +whilst I was pissing my sperm up her, groaning as the tightness of +her little cunt squeezed my sensitive prick. If Kitty was not a harlot +before, she was from that minute she had her spend with me. +

+

+She laid quite quiet till nature dissolved our fleshy union by uncunting +me, then I laid by her side, she on her back, her thighs wide open, her +eyes closed. +

+

+"Don't it give you pleasure?" After repeating that half-a-dozen times +she said, "I don't know." "Yes you do,—did you spend?" "I don't +know what a girl's spending is," said she. "Did my prick give you +pleasure,—tell me Kitty?" At length she said yes, and she had never had +pleasure with men before. (Two years afterwards she repeated that the +first pleasure she ever had with a man was with me.) "Wash yourself." +"I'll wash when I go home." "Wash now you little beast." "What does +it matter to you?" "Wash you little devil." She washed carefully, and +whilst doing so, "Piddle," said I. "I can't abear to piddle before a +man,—what a funny man you are." "Piddle my dear," and the little dear +piddled. +

+

+Wiping herself dry she stopped in the middle of the operation and asked, +"Why wouldn't you have the other gal?" "What do you want me to have her +for?" "She's very poor." "What do you do with your money?" "Buy things +to eat,—mother's very poor, we often ain't got enough to eat." "Then +you get a little money by being gay." "I ain't gay I tell you." "Well +your friend is I suppose, and gets money." "No she doesn't,—she +isn't gay either,—no man ain't ever done it to her, she's such a +foule,—but she would a come in to-day with you, she said she would, +and she were just a comin when you sent her off,—she promised me, she'd +let yer if you wanted,—but she is a foule though." +

+

+"I don't believe that." "It's God's truth though, she ain't, she says +she ain't; she knows what men want gals for, but she's never let any +one,—I know she ain't, she is frightened." "Have you looked at her +cunt?" "Often," said Kitty. "And she's looked at yours?" "Of course she +has,—she lives over us I tell you, I go up to her, and she comes down +to me when mother's out,—I wash her." "You seem fond of washing." "I +likes things clean." I thought for an instant, "It may be true, I should +like to see her cunt if she's never been poked,—what object has this +little lass in pressing this so?" Then said I, "Tell me the truth, and +I'll give you another shilling,—don't lie,—I shall soon tell whether +you're lying or not," and getting up, "here is three and six (I had it +on the mantle-piece), here's a shilling for her, and there is another. +If you answer truly, I'll see you again; but I'll never see you again if +I find you are making up lies,—come here." And I sat down. +

+

+She came forward, I pulled her between my naked legs, her naked thighs +met mine, her little cunt was close to my prick, I put my hand round her +fat little bum, and looked her in the face, pressing her belly close to +mine. +

+

+"What do you want me to have her for?" "Only cos she's so poor,—why +she only gets sixpence a day,—she works at sack-making,—oh! isn't it +hard!—and her hands if you seed em, are hard and brown, stained with +the string, and what the works with,—mother wants me to work at them at +home, but I won't—I tells her I'd run away first,—she is so little she +can't carry the sacks home as other gals do; so a strong young woman who +works at sacks carries them home for her, and charges her twopence for +it,—they car-ries them home on the top of their heads; but she is too +little, she is." (At that time women worked at sack-making, and carried +them home on their heads.) +

+

+"Can she put her finger up her cunt?" "I shan't tell you all that," said +she turning nasty. "Is her cunt as open as yours?" "No it ain't." "Then +she can't get her finger up." "Oh! you are a rum cove, you are," +said she breaking away from me, "I never seed the like of you. I must +go,—tell me what time it is." "Half-past four." "I'll go,—I give the +children something to eat about this time." "Come here, or I won't give +you the shillings." We resumed our positions. "Are you sure she has +never had a man?" "Never, she's such a foule,—she says she'd like to, +and she'd like the money, and yet she won't,—she is such a foule." +"How long have you done it?" "Only since we have lived this side of +the water, after father died." "How many men have you had?" "I shan't +say,—I don't recollect,—it arn't no business of yourn,—you don't +like me." "Yes I like you, but I won't tell,—no it isn't a dozen,—I +shan't say who first did it,—I shan't then,—it isn't a dozen,—yes I +am quite sure, I don't think it's ten, but it may be about that, I think +it's eight,—they didn't all do it to me, no they didn't,—one on em +only put his hands up my clothes, and went off in a minute; another +pulled up my clothes, and looked at me, and then he—" She stopped, and +I could not get her to say what, so promised her another shilling. "I +don't know what he did." "Frig himself?" "I don't know what you call +it,—yes he did that," said the girl bursting into a roar of laughter +when I showed her the operation. "I looked at him, and he went away +without speaking,—he only gave me half-a-crown; but an old gentleman +one day gave me a gold bit of ten shillings." She began counting on her +fingers. I thought she was reckoning her gains, she was a long time at +it, doing it over and over again; at length, "It's seven," said she. +"What?" "Gentlemen,—you make eight." +

+

+"Your little friend is too young," said I. "She is fourteen, but shorter +than me." "Has she any hair on her cunt?" "You can just see some coming, +and it's black." "She is dirty." "No she ain't, but she was till she +knew me,—she can't help her clothes being dirty, but she mends em,—how +I wish I had nice clothes like the gals about at night, and like +gentlefolks!" said Kitty in a sort of ecstacy, and then tossed up +half-a-crown, and caught it. +

+

+I began to long for the other girl, and told her she might bring her the +next day, that she should have three and sixpence, and her friend the +same, and more if I did it. Kitty went off agreeing to meet me with her +if their mothers were out, but if not, the day after, all depended on +their mothers' absence. She would listen to the church-clock, and as it +struck three she would leave; it was only by listening that she knew the +time. She would put by a penny for the bridge-toll; generally she went +round by Westminster bridge to avoid paying the penny. Then we left. +Her little friend I found was loitering close by. They went into a +pastry-cook's, and I watched them both eating together as they went +along towards Waterloo bridge, Kitt and Pol. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER IV. +

+
+     Little Pol consents.—Arsy-versy.—Broached, and howling.—
+     Kitty's vocalization.—A cheap virginity.—Two hours after.—
+     Love's money lost.—The street-gully.—Kitty pleases.—Pol
+     tires.—Kitty's habits.—Friendliness and frankness.—
+     Sausage rolls.—Confessions of lust.
+
+

+On the appointed day I saw Kitty but alone, she followed me to the +house, and soon by my pego her sweet little cunt was distended. I had +her all the afternoon, and tailed her to the extent of my powers. The +girl was delighted, her eyes sparkled with lewdness. Was fucking nice? +"Oh! yes, yes," she replied, it was nicer than she thought, nicer +than gals told her it would be. This was after I had called her at our +meeting a little humbug, for not bringing her friend. The excuse was +that Pol's mother was at home. I did not believe it, but was so content +with her sweet little form, the ease with which I handled her, the +enticing look of the cunt, its tightness, and her pleasant, frank +manners, that I forgot all about the other little one, till going +away, then said, "Mind you bring your friend, and I'll give you five +shillings, but you know you won't, you little storyteller." "I will,—I +shall,—I'll make her come,—she wants, but she is such a foule,—and +she's frightened of her mother." +

+

+Another blazing hot day. The two were looking in at the pastry-cook's, +the taller with her arm round the neck of the other. I watched them for +a minute, Kit often looked around anxiously, and seeing me, moved off +quickly towards the street. I followed on the opposite side of the way, +then stopped. The small one stood with her back against a wall, Kitty +was gesticulating. I went on passing without noticing them. As I passed +I heard, "You are a foule,—you're a liar,—you said you would." +"I shan't then." Turning the corner I looked back. There they still were +standing as on the first day I saw them. Thought I, "She can't persuade +the little one," so walked on to W..l....n Street, to the Lyceum +portico, and back again in a fever of expectancy. As I got near the +house they both turned the corner, so in I went and waited till both +girls appeared, and soon heard two pairs of feet after me on the same +staircase, two young voices whispering, the Mistress following us all. +

+

+"Why five shillings?" "You have two young ladies to-day, double price +you know sir." I did not know, for it was the first time I had had two +women together in a house. Excited and anxious I had got to fucking-heat +in anticipation of a small unprobed cunt, paid the money, and there was +I with the two little ones face to face, two young cunts at my disposal, +a novelty, and a charming one. The woman closed the door, casting a +queer look at the girls and me. I locked it. +

+

+I put my hand up Kitty's clothes, the other girl, an ugly little imp +in a bonnet as big as a coal-scuttle, and with boots which looked as if +they were her mother's, stood and stared with eyes wide open,—they were +dark, and her hair nearly black. "Come here my dear." "Come to him," +said Kitty. The girl drew near, I took her on my knee. "So you are the +friend of Kitty, and we are going to play with each other naked, aren't +we?—I'm going to look at your cunt, and you are going to feel my cock." +She made no reply. "I'm going to look where your piddle comes out, +aren't I?" "No," said the girl sullenly after reflecting a minute, and +hanging her head on one side, "I shan't." +

+

+"Yes he is you foule,—oh! you are a foule," burst out Kitty, "I wish +I didn't know you, you are such a foule,—she said she would sir, +she knows all about it, she does, she knows what she has comed for, she +does,—now don't be a foule (in a threatening manner), I won't speak to +you agin, nor gi yer nothink (Kitty's English was awful),—you may get +yer belly filled, I won't help fill it." All this over and over again, +in anger. +

+

+The girl looked at Kitty humbly. "Well I will then." I put my hands up +her petticoats on to a lean pair of thighs. "Take off your things." "Yes +take them off," said Kitty helping her off with her bonnet, and to +undress. "Are you going to take off yours Kitty?" said she. "Yes when +you have," and without more ado she stripped the girl to her chemise, +and herself likewise. I took off all but my shirt and socks. It was a +sweating hot day. +

+

+The girl was not very inviting, was heavy and lubberly, and looked as if +she had not enough to eat; but there was in her a virgin cunt, so I was +told, although even then a little sceptical about what a female told me +on that point. My tooleywag was standing at the idea, I shook it before +them, and calling both to me held them round their naked bums, and made +them feel me. The pair of little fists anxiously feeling from the root +of my balls to the tip of the piercer soon rendered me impatient for +action. I was near the side of the bed facing the windows, and through +the white blinds came the strong light of a summer's afternoon. Lifting +the fresh one from my knee I put her on her back on the bed, and lifted +her scanty chemise. Close went her legs together, I opened them, she +resisted, I grew angry, Kitty called her a foule. Coaxed and bullied +at the same time she yielded, I pulled the legs wide open, and kneeling +threw one over my shoulder, the other I pressed outwards, and with my +other hand opened her cunt-lips wide; then she kicked her legs over me, +and turning arse upwards got up. A little row, again she yielded, again +served me the same trick. I damned her for a bitch, and Kitty reviled +her. "She is a fool Kitty,—show her what I want." Kitty hesitated +a moment, then throwing herself on to the bed opened her thighs, and +pulled her cunt-lips apart. The young one gradually persuaded let me +do for her what Kitty did for herself, after she had carefully studied +Kitty's quim for a minute. +

+

+I saw with speechless excitement the girl's cunt, which seemed at first +glance as if a prick had entered it; but looking more closely saw that +the perforation was too small. I thrust gently my finger up it,—a +cry,—a howl. "Don't,—you're a hurting," and again the little devil +was arse upwards on the bed. Again I coaxed, promised, lied, and Kitty +bullied; again I saw the cunt, that it was not like cunts that had been +fucked: the hairless lips, a little black tint just above the notch, +a little hole. My eyesight failed me, the demon of desire said, "It's +fresh, it's virgin,—bore it,—bung it,—plug it,—stretch it,—split +it,—spunk in it," and I laid hold of her thin backside mad with lust, +kissing and sniffling at her cunt. +

+

+"Let's lay on the bed, and all strip quite naked,—it's so hot." "Yes +do," said Kitty. She stripped the girl of her pea-soup coloured rag, +and we both stripped. There we were in a minute all three naked, close +together, with but little room, the girl in the middle. I pressed to +her, put her hand round my prick, talked baudy. Kitty said, "Now let +him." The girl said no. I put one leg over, and worked myself between +her little thighs, partly holding myself up on my elbow and pattering +baudy which Kitty kept repeating. "It won't hurt dear." "No it won't +hurt," said Kitty. "Just let me touch it with his prick." Kitty in her +anxiety slipped right off the bed, and getting herself up stood by the +bedside repeating the baudy words I uttered. +

+

+The girl lay quiet, Kitty telling her not to be a fool; but I was a +fool, for the notch being small I did not hit it well. Putting my prick +down to where my fingers underlied the split, I pushed towards the goal, +not pressing her with my body, but keeping my weight off by leaning on +my right elbow, for it seemed that if I laid on her I should crush +and frighten her, the girl seemed so slim. My tool struck hard at the +orifice, she howled. Fearing to miss my game I then fell with the +full weight of my body on her, grasping her thin buttocks, and nearly +stifling her on that hot afternoon, determined to have her if I killed +her. The girl gave howl after howl, and I rammed with all my might +the more. "Hish!—hold your tongue you foule," said Kitty. As the girl +wriggled violently, and cried. +

+

+"Damn you, if you are not quiet I'll rip your dress into ribbons, and +you may go home, and tell your mother what you like,—damn you I'll +murder you,—I'll give you ten shillings." "You fool he'll give you ten +shillings." I heard no more, oscillating my arse, and driving with all +my force between her legs, I knew not how, I knew not where. Still the +girl howled, and Kitty kept hushing. +

+

+"The woman will turn us out of the house you foule,—she won't let me +come in again,—oh! you foule," said Kitty. In my blind battering I +at last lodged the tip well between the lips. The next instant with a +cunt-splitting thrust I was up the howling little bitch who wriggled +like an eel; but I held her skinny arse up to me like a vice, kept my +peg fixed and un-moveably up her in spite of her. Her wriggles alone +would have kept it stiff enough, and fetched me. "Be quiet,—I am up +you,—I can't h—hurt—you—now,—ah!"—and my spunk was up the virgin +quim of the ugly little devil. +

+

+She laid quiet, but whinning, "Oh! you said you would not hurt +me,—ho!—hho!" she sobbed, then laid quite still with my prick up her, +snottily whimpering, "o—oho!"—and all was tranquil, I nearly asleep. +

+

+"Is it in her?" said Kitty in a whisper, "is it in yer Pol?" Having got +no answer from me. "Oh! what a foule you are." "I've done it," said +I. "Let her get up," said Kit. I don't recollect having been up such a +tight cunt, not that it gave me pleasure, but the extreme tightness was +such a novelty. "I will do it again." "Have you done it really?" said +Kitty. "Put your hand and feel," said I opening my legs a little to +let Kitty feel under my testicles, "my prick's right up her cunt +now,—feel." +

+

+"Have you done it really?" "Yes,—feel." "Ri—tol—lural—li—do!" +said Kitty setting off in a happy dance all round the room. I went on +fucking, keeping the girl quiet, I could pull her little form up to me +as tight as wax, and coaxing and promising all sorts of things I fucked +her again without uncunting. +

+

+"Have you really done it?" said Kitty again. "Yes twice,—put your hand +up under my balls and feel." Kitty thinking better of the suggestion +this time did so, and satisfying herself that my prick was out of her +touch, set off dancing again with a "ri—too—ralooral—ledo!" I got +off the girl, the hair of my prick saturated with blood and spunk. "She +is bleeding." The girl began snivelling worse than ever when she heard +that, and began feeling her cunt. +

+

+"What are you crying for you foule?—did he hurt you much?—let's look +at it,"—and Kitty looked at the little quim bunged up with sperm mixed +with blood. "Oh! ain't he done it!—ritollooralado, ritolloolra-lado," +and she capered again. "What are you dancing and singing for?" I asked. +"She's had it done,—oh! look what a mess is on the bed, the woman will +kick up a row." +

+

+"Get up and wash it you fool, and don't cry." "It hurts." "Wash it." +"It will hurt." "No it won't you foule." Here Kitty put a basin on the +floor, pushed the girl towards it, and made her wash. Then we got her on +to the bed, and both of us took a long, long look at her split. It was +bleeding freely, I saw the ragged edge my intrusion had made, and not +feeling inclined for more fucking gave the girl half-a-sovereign in +gold, Kitty five shillings, and went off leaving them still naked, Kitty +from time to time looking at her friend's wounded orifice, and saying it +would soon be all right, that her thing had bled also. I had fear that I +might be in trouble through my voluptuousness, although a girl of twelve +years is competent to judge of her own fitness for fucking, and many not +a month over that age are plugged daily in London. +

+

+I had to go to the Temple that afternoon, returning along the Strand an +hour afterwards, not thinking of my afternoon's amusement, for I had had +a disagreeable interview with solicitors, when just at the end of C——- +Street was a slight crowd, in the middle of it the two girls, and the +one I had fucked an hour before crying. Some man gave her money. "Oh! +Lord," thought I, "here is a row about what I have been doing," so got +into a cab, and drove off. When a mile away I began to reflect, and felt +more comfortable, but still uneasy, and determined not to meet them the +next day as I had promised. The day after I saw Kitty walking by +herself, that funked me again, so I cut away without her seeing me. +Thought I, "There will be a row about that ugly little lump having been +pierced, I will go no more." But the letch was so strong that I could +not resist, and on the third day driving past in a cab I saw the two +girls as usual looking in at shops. Alighting I winked as I passed, +heard one say, "Here he is," and three minutes afterwards we were all in +the house again. +

+

+To strip the two, and examine their cunts was an affair of five minutes, +then laying the little one open-legged I looked at hers tranquilly, and +saw how the slit was completed. The girl whose name I forget, but will +call Pol, put her finger down, and indicated where, she felt a +difference had been made in the shape. I fucked the lass at the side of +the bed, proping up her skinny rump with pillows, Kitty with her face +about a foot off admiring the prick as it shoved in and out the little +red orifice. It was a novelty to her to see it done. +

+

+Kitty was an odd girl. "Don't hurt her now," she kept saying. The little +one had objected to my probing her again with my prick, but saying I +should otherwise not give her a farthing she consented. My delight +was increased by the power I found I had of making her howl whenever I +shoved vigorously, and I nearly knocked my prick through into her womb I +imagine. The more she howled the more I banged my prick up her, the more +I enjoyed her. +

+

+When it was over I asked how she had spent her money. Out burst the +little animal into tears. "She made me drop it, I didn't spend any of +it sir, I lost it." "You dropped it yourself," said Kitty. "You lie." +"I don't." "She does,"—and so on, and I got at the facts when Kitty had +vigorously slapped the face of her friend, and called her fifty times a +foule. +

+

+Going into the Strand the girl had the money in her hand, Kitty told her +to put it into her pocket. She refused. Kitty said she would lose it, +and just then she dropped it close by a sewer-grating, down which the +half-sovereign went. The girl cried, the two quarrelled, and there was +soon a crowd round them. Kitty said that the girl's mother had given her +a half-sovereign to buy some bread with, and she had lost it. Some one +gave the girl sixpence, the crowd dispersed, and Pol lost the fruits of +her first fucking. Never was lost a virginity so poorly rewarded. I did +not make up her loss, but gave her half-a-crown with which she was well +contented. I certainly was in luck to get all this fun for such trifling +sums, I being still in poorish circumstances. Five years before I would +have given thirty pounds for the same, and had paid two hundred for +Louise. +

+

+Giving Kitty three and six, and beginning to put on my drawers she said, +"Oh! do it to me, you have done it to her." "Do you want it?" "Yes." +"Feel my cock." Kitty grasped it eagerly, we got on to the bed, Pol +watched now the graceful manipulation, insertion, and wriggles of +pleasure of her friend, for Kitty was fast learning fucking, though +quite innocent of the art of frigging. I never knew such a bungler as +she was at her first attempt at that. +

+

+I grew tired of ugly little Pol when I had bored her a few times, and +would not have her again. Kitty I continued to see, she was a most +amusing girl. Too young on the town to have learnt the tricks and +cunning of a harlot, naturally frank and truthful, with some liking for +me (for she looked forward to our voluptuous dallyings), she gave me for +a long time much amusement, and I heard the incidents of her short life. +She would jabber like a magpie about them when she knew me well, which +she soon did, and began to look to me regularly for her supply of money. +

+

+She used directly she caught sight of me, to walk as fast as possible +towards the house, and get in before me. She was in the room waiting and +grinning when I got there. "Shall I take off my things?" "Yes." Off +they went, and on to the bed the plump white-skinned little girl rolled +whilst I undressed at leisure. "Open your legs Kit, and let's see your +cunt." How she clutched my prick the moment I was by the side of her. It +really was very nice. +

+

+She said, "I buy things to eat, I can't eat what mother gives us, she is +poor, and works very hard, she'd give us more, but she can't; so I +buys food, and gives the others what mother gives me, they don't know +better,—if mother's there I eat some, sometimes we have only gruel and +salt; if we have a fire we toast the bread, but I can't eat it if I am +not dreadful hungry." "What do you like?" "Pies and sausage-rolls," +said the girl smacking her lips and laughing, "oh! my eye ain't they +prime,—oh!" "That's what you went gay for?" "I'm not gay," said she +sulkily. "Well what you let men fuck you for." "Yes." "Sausage-rolls?" +"Yes, meat-pies and pastry too." +

+

+"What did you let the first man do it to you for?" "I don't know, he +came up to me and told me he'd give me some money, if I would go to +a house with him,—he only wanted to talk with me, and I was then so +hungry. He took me to No. 4, just opposite here, and did it to me." +"What did he give you?" "Five shillings." "You had never had it before?" +"Never." "I don't believe you." "I never had, I'm only fifteen and +a little,—he met me in the Strand near where you did," she cried +indignantly. "Did he hurt you?" "Yes, and made me bleed,—I was upset, +and didn't think much about it till I got home and found my shemmy +bloody. I washed it, and put it on again quite wet, so that mother +mightn't know." +

+

+As she talked she would feel my cock, every now and then raise her head +to look at it, fall back again as if satisfied, and go on feeling it and +talking. +

+

+She was intensely curious about my prick, would lay and examine it for +half-an-hour at a time silently. One day after feeling it she asked +if she might do what she liked with it. Certainly. She moved on to her +knees (we were both stark naked on the bed, and had fucked not long +before), and began feeling it, skinning, then covering the tip, looking +under the balls and smelling it. "How smooth and red it is," said +she,—"Does that hurt?" and she rubbed her finger over the tip orifice. +"A little,—wet your finger," She did. "Shall I wet it with my tongue?" +"Do." She licked it, and bit by bit put it into her mouth, asking me +occasionally if she hurt me. I laid amused with the sexual promptings of +her nature. She took it out of her mouth, put it in again, then it got +stiff, then she laughed. "Isn't it funny?" said she, "how smooth and red +it is,—first it's flabby, then it's stiff,"—and she relinquished it, +laying down across me, and contemplating it quite silently. +

+

+"Did you do that to the other gentleman?" I asked. "Oh! no, never,—I +didn't think about it,—only one on em stopped long,"—and she told me +about all of their doings. She could never make out but seven, though +she always asserted there were eight who had had her before me. +

+

+I did not like either cock-sucking or cunt-licking at that epoch, and +stopped Kitty who was bent on stiffening it with her mouth. She had no +idea however of giving me a pleasure that way, it was simply curiosity +and novelty. Often she did the same thing, indeed always had a quarter +of an hour at it. +

+

+I saw her about twice a week, sometimes more, it was all she could +manage "in dodging her mother." I gave her three and sixpence each time, +which made her quite happy and contented, and it was a very economical +pleasure to me. She learnt much from me, in six weeks blushed at +nothing, and was impatient to be fucked. "Do that afterwards," would she +say if I dallied long in the preliminaries, then quietly, "Oh! ain't +it pleasure!" she added in an artless satisfied way. Then somehow she +persuaded her mother that she might go out if fine for a little time in +the afternoon, and she was let out occasionally when the mother was +at home, but which rarely was the case; and then I saw the pretty lass +almost daily, but always in the afternoon; and her impatience to have +the pleasure of fucking became almost comical. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER V. +

+
+     Kitty's antecedents.—The fishmonger's.—Jim the shopman.—
+     Betty the maid.—Females in bed.—Mutual curiosity.—
+     Letchery and frigging.—Educated in coition.—Against the
+     kitchen-wall.—Jim in bed.—Betty's cunt washed out.—A look
+     in the basin.—Cousin Grace, and cousin Bob.—Bob on the
+     spree.—A scuffle.—Topsy-turvy.—Arsy-versy.—Bob's semen.—
+     A masturbating duet.—Caught in the act.—Kicked out.
+
+

+I questioned her many a time, and put together here consecutively what +she said. She was as much pleased to gossip about it as I was. +

+

+She was the daughter of a carpenter, had been kept at home to help +her mother, till six months previously to my meeting her, when growing +restive, and I dare say her animal vigor inciting her to go forth into +the world, she went into a situation at a fishmonger's who wanted some +girl to nurse a little child, his wife being ill. +

+

+I believed she had told me most things about herself from the time the +doodle had first penetrated her: yet why had not such a big girl been +put to earn her living? she said that her mother was always in the +family way, or a child was ill, so she being the biggest helped at home. +

+

+But she had been in service, about all of which she told me one hot +afternoon. Ice was then a luxury, they charged two pence extra for a +bottle of gingerbeer iced. She was fond of gingerbeer, we had some iced +with sherry, and lay on the bed drinking it as she told me her story +bit by bit. This is an account of my doings, and not of tales told me by +others, but I must tell her tale, for I believed every bit of it, and +it is almost part of my own, and this is how it came out. +

+

+"If you never spent with a man till you did with me, you had frigged +yourself." "I never did till the gal at the fishmonger's did it to +me,—we slept together." "Then you had been in service?" "Only two +months, I went to mind a little child." +

+

+The fishmonger was a little struggling tradesman, in a house with a +shop on the ground-floor, and a little back-parlour, and kitchens, and a +cellar below where they kept fish-baskets. +

+

+Over the shop were two rooms, one was the fishmonger's bed-room, and two +bed-rooms above. The wife was confined to her bed, and her husband slept +alone in the back-room which was usually the female servant's; so the +servant was put into a bed on the top-floor. This maid cooked, cleaned, +did everything, and had an eye as well to the shop if her Mistress was +ill, and when Master and his man were out; but she could not mind the +child as well. The fishmonger asked the carpenter if he knew of a strong +steady lass, the carpenter named his own girl, and Kitty went for grub, +lodging, and one and six a week. She was to sleep with the maid on the +top-floor over the rooms where Master and Mistress slept. The servant's +name was Betty. +

+

+The fishmonger drank. A young man named Jim went with him to market, and +sometimes without him if he had been very drunk over night. Jim opened +the shop, harnessed the horse and cart, and every night when the Master +went to bed, Jim went to the underground kitchen, opened a cupboard, +pulled down something called a bed, and slept there. +

+

+Jim was up first, and to bed but last, could not go to bed till the +maid-of-all-work was out of the kitchen. Jim pissed in the sink, and +made his own bed every morning as soon as he got up, which was done +by turning it up somehow into the cupboard, and then he called up his +Master and the maid. The privy was in the yard. +

+

+Kitty took charge of the child, and the first night as she was going to +bed and took her things off Betty said, "Where is your night-gown?" "I +ain't got none," said Kitty, "I sleep in my shemmy." Betty tossed up +her head. Kitty cried. "Father's a poor man," said she, "but he's +respectable, and though I sleeps in my shemmy I am very clean, I washes +all over every day,—look at my legs and my neck,—but with my first +week's wages I'll buy a night-gown." +

+

+"Never mind," said Betty, "you are clean, and you're fat,—your +dad gives you lots of grub,—don't cry, I only said, 'where's your +night-gown?'—Lord you are fat for your age!—how old did you say you +were?—why what a big bum you've got for your age!" +

+

+Kitty had been staring at Betty, and the hair on the bottom of her +belly. "She was so hairy," said Kitty to me, "I had never seen a woman +naked before, and the hair on her belly made me look." "Say on her cunt +Kitty." "Well on her cunt,—such lots, and so black,—I had seen gals' +things, my cousins used to show me theirs, and I showed them mine to see +how our hair was coming; but I did not think a woman could grow such a +lot there." +

+

+It was a cold night, the girl and the woman were in bed. "Come closer, +we will be warmer." Kitty got closer, then Bet began feeling Kitty. How +smooth, how soft she was, how plump, and not quite fifteen?—what a +bum,—why her thighs were quite large. "Oh! don't mind I want to warm my +hand, between your thighs, put your hand between mine,—there,—you've +just a little hair coming on your thing,—feel mine, it's like the hair +on your head, isn't it?—I am only twenty-five,—but when you are +twenty you will have as much Kitty. Your hand is cold, put it between +my thighs, we will warm each other there. What a nice little thing your +cunt is," said Betty feeling the little one's. +

+

+Soon the very first night they felt each other's flesh, Kitty wondering +at the cunt and hair of the grown woman, Betty thinking perhaps of what +I can only guess at. Kitty went to sleep with one hand between Betty's +thighs, and awaking in the night felt Betty again who was asleep and +snoring. She was a stout, big-built, fat-arsed, black-bristle-cunted +woman (that is from Kitty's description), but she must have been older +than she said, for the hair was thick and black in her armpits, and she +had slight hair on her lips besides. +

+

+Betty got more free next night. "You've a sweetheart, and you let him +feel this little thing,—the men call it cunt." Kitty said she had not, +and had not been felt. "I know better, you let him put his cock up it." +Kitty did not. "What never been fucked?—that is what men call it,—let +me feel." "No." Betty felt Kitty's cunt, and hurt her. "Well I don't +believe you have,—you are a stupid,—it's half the pleasure of +life,—feel my cunt,—give me your hand,—there your fingers are on +it,—oh! it don't hurt, you may feel right up." +

+

+Kitty was overwhelmed and ashamed. "I did not like it, but yet I felt so +curious that I let my fingers go where she placed them, and I felt all +about her thing." "Cunt Kitty." "Well about her cunt." +

+

+So gradually at night the elder led on the younger, by talking, feeling, +and telling the little one all she knew, explaining the pleasures of +fucking, the male mysteries, and male tastes and habits, although she +was what was called respectable, and worked hard for her living as +maid-of-all-work. +

+

+Betty pushed matters further. "I don't quite believe you are a +maid,—let me look,—would you not like to look at me?—show me yours, +I'll show you mine." Curiosity to see the cunt of a full-grown woman +took possession of Kit. +

+

+On Sunday Jim had a holiday, the shop was shut, Allwork cooked the +dinner, then the fishmonger had grog, and went to lie down, Betty went +up to clean herself, Kitty and the child went up with her then Kitty +showed her cunt, and Betty showed hers. "It was big, and such lots of +hair,—I'd never seen one before," said Kitty, "she pulled it open wide, +afterwards she pulled mine open, and we looked at each other over and +over again. I'd seen my little sister's and cousin's, and two or three +other gals' things, but they were all young; I'd never seen a big +woman's." +

+

+Kitty getting bolder asked if she had ever let a man do it to her. Yes, +she had been married, and knew all about it. "You never had a child?" +"Never you little fool, there are lots of ways of stopping that,—oh! +I love it, I wish I had a nice young man with a big prick here.—I wish +you were a man." She took Kitty in her arms, and put her on the bed. +"There, lay still on your back, open your legs, and I'll show you how a +man gets on." Kitty did. Then she pulled Kitty on to her, and made her +play the man. "There, move,—push your cunt up against mine,—up and +down,—quick,—there, that's how the man moves when he is fucking till +he spends,—then Lord! ain't he quiet!" +

+

+Within a week the experienced woman talking to the girl about fucking, +had described its pleasures, explained its mysteries, acted and the mode +and manner of the doing, until Kitty felt wild to see, feel, and act it +for herself. +

+

+"Don't you ever frig yourself?" said Bet. "No." "You know what it is?" +"Yes." Betty told of the pleasure a finger could bring her, but Kitty +was not forward in sexual wants, and she had not frigged herself or +known sexual pleasure in her cunt up to that time, though she had +fingered herself. +

+

+"I'll frig you," said she. Kitty objected, but the talk of prick, of the +delight of the male and female in feeling and rubbing each other upset +Kitty, who was growing older, and whose animalism was perhaps rampant +that night. She left a lovely sensation all over her as Bet rubbed her +cunt, and she spent. Betty then took Kit's fingers, and rubbed her own +cunt. "What with your fingers?" "Yes Kitty's fingers," and rubbed them +on her clitoris, and frigged herself with them, Kit supposed. +

+

+That same night alying sleepless under the excitement of the novel +pleasure whilst Allwork snored, Kitty frigged herself. The next night +they frigged together. Betty said, "It's poor pleasure,—I likes a man, +and you'll like a chap,—some one will fancy you soon,—you let him do +it. When you have a great stiff cock up your cunt poking and poking, +and poking away,—oh! it's delicious, and you won't like frigging after +that." +

+

+One night the fishmonger was out, Kitty put the child to bed (he had +the child to sleep in his bed usually). Bet and Kit were in the +shop-parlour, and Jim in the shop. Betty went down to the kitchen, Jim +soon afterwards told Kit to give an eye to the shop, and call him if +wanted, and down he went. Kitty who had been sharpened in three weeks, +who had seen Jim kissing Betty, and giving her funny pokes when he +thought no one was looking, went to the kitchen-stairs, and going down +a few steps slowly and peeping; saw Betty with her back up against the +wall, Jim close up to her and his hands round her, and his bum moving in +a funny way. She knew they were fucking, and fearful of being detected +came softly into the shop again; but she made a noise. Up came Betty, +the Master came home, and told Betty to go to bed, and Jim to shut up. +Soon after Betty washed her cunt. That seems to have been an operation +that Kitty never had seen her perform excepting on Sundays. Kitty then +felt sure that she had caught Bet at the pleasant exercise, for she had +heard how something thick and white came out of the man's cock, and how +it was wise to wash the cunt out afterwards. +

+

+Betty seems to have been suspicious, for she began asking why she had +come down the stairs. To call Jim, a customer having come—but he had +gone away she replied. Betty was too clever to take that in. Did she see +her, she asked. Kitty had seen her and Jim standing close up in front of +her, "and he was moving about, and I told her," said Kitty. +

+

+Kitty on being pressed said she thought they were doing what Betty had +said men and women did. "Fucking me?" "Yes." He was doing nothing of the +sort, that she would swear; but they did it sometimes, for he was going +to marry her soon, and after making Kitty promise not to tell, they went +to sleep. "If you tell," said the knowing older one, "you will lose your +place." +

+

+Next night Betty said, "You be quiet, Jim is going to marry me soon, +only he don't wish it known, he is coming up when Master's asleep, and +going to lay down by the side of me,—you sham to be asleep." Kitty +remarked, "He can't lay here all night." No, when he had had his +pleasure he would go. Kitty had fear come over her, but promised, then +fell asleep, but awakened, and heard Jim say in a whisper, "She sleeps +like a top." Then was a rustling and rumpling about, and Jim cried, "Oh! +cunt," Betty said, "hush!" they kissed, sighed, and Jim crept softly +away, Betty got out and washed her cunt in the dark, and found Kit was +awake. +

+

+This went on for several nights, Betty had oiled the lock and hinges of +the door, and when she heard the Master go up to bed, would softly open +the door, and leave it ajar. When Jim had emptied his ballocks he would +leave and close the door gently, Bet would light the candle, and wash +her cunt. One night she said to Kitty, "Come and see the stuff that +comes out of a man's prick." Kitty jumped out of bed, saw the seminal +sediment that Betty had washed out of her, and stood looking at Jim's +spendings at the bottom of the wash-stand basin. "Look how thick it is," +said Bet. "We have no thick stuff, have we?" Then she felt it. "You are +a beast," said Kit. "Wait till you have a sweetheart," said Bet. +

+

+"Why," said I to Kit, "I asked you before if you had seen any one frig, +and you said only your cousin." "Yes," replied she, "my cousin Grace, +you didn't ask me about any one else, but I did see a young man once do +it to himself," added Kitty, "it was my cousin Bob." +

+

+I made her tell me all about that. She had cousins male and female, one +named Grace her friend, and a cousin Bob, who used to go and see them; +he was a favorite of Kitty's mother, a lad of sixteen, a carpenter. +Grace must have been about a year older than Kitty. +

+

+Kitty's parents lived in two rooms, and had the right to use a +wash-house. I am sure from all she said they were steady working-people. +The mother went out sometimes charring, leaving Kitty at home to mind +the children. She was useful at home, mended and made their linen. Grace +often used to help her at needle-work. +

+

+Before Kit went to the fishmonger's she was at home one day mending, and +Grace with her. Grace was always talking about what she knew, and had +frigged herself before Kit. Kit had tried to frig, but got nothing but +a pleasant sort of feeling, nothing approaching the luscious crisis that +she felt when Betty tried her middle-finger on her clitoris. +

+

+A knock at the door. "Who is there?" "Bob." Kitty had been forbidden +under pain of having her ears boxed, to let Bob or any one else in when +her parents were out. "You can't come in," she cried. "Let's in for a +minute, I've got something to tell you." "Tell me through the door." "No +they will hear upstairs." "No." Bob began rapping a tune with his fists +on the door. Grace said, "The lodgers will tell your mother." Bob who +seems to have been a little fresh said, "Oh! won't you be sorry," and +tramped downstairs. +

+

+A noise outside. "Why there he is again." "Is that you Bob?" No reply. +"See if it's some one else." There was a shuffling outside. Grace got +up and cautiously opened the door peeping. A big foot was thrust in, and +she couldn't close it, then pushing the door wide open, and himself into +the room comes Bob. Probably with the instinct of what might follow Kit +had thrust the two children into the bed-room. Females are strange and +cunning animals; even at an early age, cunt is always ready, always +inciting, and preparing them for cock; knowing or unknowingly, whether +for intrigue, or objectless, or for the delight of doing what is +forbidden; cunt is always inciting the female to help the male, for +"cock and cunt must come together," as poor Fred said. +

+

+Bob was making a half-holiday, had had enough beer to elevate him, and +was of an age at which a prick has a habit of getting inconveniently +stiff. If you can't afford to pay for cunt, or don't know a cunt which +will take you up it for love, your prick is a restless article, which +will insist on the buttocks pushing it somewhere or somehow, till the +stiffness is taken out of it. +

+

+A frisky youth with restless cods was in the room with two girls, one of +whom was also frisky, and the younger inquisitive. They got joking, he +kissed them, they tickled him, till he threw himself on the floor, and +rolled about as the girls tormented him, and thought they were getting +the best of him. He suddenly caught hold of them both, pulled them on to +the floor in a heap, one on the top of him one by his side, and holding +one one way, and the second another way, managed to put his hand on to +one's cunt, turned the other over, and lifting up her clothes slapped +her naked backside; they struggling and crying out at the attack on +their sacred privates, he fighting, overturning, and exposing the limbs +of the lasses, until, as Kitty said, "he's seed all we'd got to be seen +over and over again." +

+

+This quieted Kitty and Grace. When released they called him a +blackguard, and told him to go out of their room. "I'll tell my mother," +said Kitty. "Tell her," said Bob, "tell her you saw this," pulling out a +stiff prick, "as stiff as yours," said Kitty, who was laying at the side +of the bed feeling my cock about whilst telling me. +

+

+"We turned away, then turned round, it was still out, he had got it in +his hand, and was grinning. Grace said, 'Let's go to the children', +and burst out laughing, so did I, because she did." Kitty stopped her, +saying, "Don't let the children see him, they may tell mother." After a +time they turned round again, the fascination of the prick was on them, +both wanted to see it. Grace winked at Kitty. "Go away Bob," said Grace, +"you'll get Kitty's ears boxed if it's known you have come in." "Don't +care," said Bob, "show me your cunts, and I will. Cocky, cunty, cocky, +cunty," he sang out, "look here,—come and feel it." +

+

+"I don't know what you mean," said Grace turning round again. (Kitty +said that Grace told her afterwards she wanted to see as much of his +thing as she could.) "Show us the crack between your thighs." "You +beast, I've a good mind to hit you," said Grace. "Come on," said he. +"You go." "Feel my prick first." "I won't." "You Kitty." "I won't you +beast." "But," said she, "I was curious like to feel it for all I said +'no' to him, and so was Grace." +

+

+Bob ran at Grace, and catching her, pulled up her clothes, and felt her; +then running after Kit, he did the same, the whole three were yelling, +Bob with his prick out promising to go if they felt him, they frightened +of the mother coming home. +

+

+They were much agitated now, the children in the bed-room were crying +at the row, and both girls threatening to call the lodger upstairs. +"Let me," said he, "let me put my cock just on your naked thighs,—do, +—do,—do,—only for a minute." "Shan't you beast." "Oh! I must do it," +said Bob, "I must,—hooo," and then sitting down on a chair, Bob +closed his eyes, frigged away, and saying, "Oh! it ought to be in your +ck—ck—cunt," spent, the two girls looking at him and at the sperm +jetting out on to the floor. +

+

+They stood looking, never uttered a word, and fear came over them lest +Kitty's mother should come home, and catch him there with his cock out, +and his sperm on the floor. "Go, there is a good young man,—mother will +be home directly,—oh! that's her footstep,—run upstairs, and wait till +she's in." Bob whose nervous system was I dare say a little shaken by +his frig, buttoned up his trowsers, and ran out of the room. The girls +locked the door and listened,—it was not the mother, then they began to +talk. +

+

+"That's it on the floor,—that's what comes out of a man's cock when he +puts it up a woman's thing," said Grace,—"it's that which gets a woman +in the family way,—it's that which gives them both pleasure when they +do it together, when his thing is up her thing." +

+

+Grace told all she knew, that when her mother was "lying in," she once +peeped through a key-hole, and saw her father frig himself. They talked +of the pleasure they had heard it gave the woman to have that warm +injection up her. Grace frigged herself, Kitty tried but got no +pleasure, they sat opposite each other on chairs, Bob's spunk still on +the floor. That was the only time she had ever seen spunk till she +saw Jim's in the wash-hand basin. "Should you like to see mine Kitty?" +"Shouldn't I!" said she. "You shall some day,"—and one day she frigged +me. +

+

+Kitty was quite artless when she told me this, she had taken a liking to +me, though I did not then know it, and was delighted to tell me all, it +seemed quite a relief to her to do so. She had never spoken to any one +else about it. To a man? she should think not,—it was not likely, and +though I asked her often and often about it at times she never varied +the account. I believed it implicitly, and that is why I narrate it +here. +

+

+Several nights Jim served Betty so, till one night Kitty sneezed. "The +girl's awake," said Jim. "Who is that?" said Kitty shamming, though she +knew full well. "It's Jim,—you won't tell, will you?" said Betty. "I +have told her you are going to marry me,—have I not Kit?" Jim went on +tailing his mistress, but now that he knew Kit was awake he put out his +hand and felt Kitty's bum whilst fucking. "Did you tell Betty that?" +said I. "No," said Kit laughing. +

+

+Next night Betty who seems to have taken delight in debauching Kit, made +her feel Jim's prick, she pulled her hand to it. "I thought I liked to +feel, but I shammed that I did not." "Was it big?" "It seemed bigger +than yours, but I didn't see it." +

+

+This went on for a fortnight or so, Kitty feeling always afraid that +they would be found out, and so it came to pass. Illicit fucking in a +house not your own is sure to bring trouble. +

+

+The Mistress' sister came to nurse her, and slept in her room. Betty +said the sister gave a lot of trouble, and was always poking her nose +where she had not business to poke it. Jim did not come up for one or +two nights, he had heard some one moving either in the Master's, or +in the sick woman's room. Kitty was glad of it. Jim I suppose at last +randied out of his prudence one night, and Betty reckless for want of +fucking, told him to come, and up he came. Then a violent knock at the +door came just as he was fucking Betty. +

+

+"Who is that?" "Me." "Wait a minute sir." "Open it, or I will break the +door open." "Wait sir, I'm not dressed." In came the door with a crash. +Jim was just by the bed, Kitty standing by Betty, for both got up. +At the door was the Master and his sister-in-law. "You damned whoring +bitch," said the Master to Betty, "at day-light out you go from my +house." +

+

+The sister-in-law turned down the bed, looked at it, and then at Kitty. +"Please Maam it's no fault of mine," said Kit. "You dirty little hussy, +why did you not tell what was going on,—your father shall hear of +this." "Dress yourself," said the fishmonger to Betty. "Leave them alone +till the morning," said the sister-in-law,"—and both left the room. Jim +half-dressed, without speaking a word, had crept downstairs whilst the +talk was going on. The Master did not speak to him at all. +

+

+"They will sack us both," said Betty. Kitty began to cry. "You are a +fool, there are lots of places. I hope old Vinegar-Chops liked the look +of it," said Betty lifting up the towel (there were the drippings from +Betty's cunt on it),—"I dare say the sour-faced beast knows what it +is,—-don't you cry, you will get a living if your father does turn you +out, any girl can so long as she has a good face, and something warm +between her thighs." That was Betty's comfort to Kitty. +

+

+After breakfast the Master put Betty outside the door, Kitty's mother +was sent for, who boxed her ears all the way home, and the father +knocked her down when he came home. "If I thought you'd turn a whore," +said he, "I'd murder you." She told her mother the truth entirely, but +only got her ears boxed still more,—she should have told her Master, +the mother said. After this she was again kept at home, a short time +after her father died, her mother changed her quarters, keeping her +indoors to take care of the children, and had no idea that her daughter +was getting fucked to enable her to buy sausage-rolls, as well as for +the pleasure of having a male. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER VI. +

+
+     Sausage-rolls, and consequences.—Kitty's home.—The little
+     ones.—A saucy cabman.—Catamenia.—Fucking economies.—
+     Changing money.—Pol and the bargee.—Kit implicated.—A
+     black eye and bruised rump.—-A little boy's cock.—
+     Preparation for travel.—'Kit's regret.—Bessie in tears.—
+     Amusements abroad.—Home again.—Kitty a strumpet.—An
+     evening at B.w Street.—Kitty's eight months doings.
+
+

+One day I took some sausage-rolls to the baudy house, she clawed hold +of one directly. "Ain't they prime!" said she, and never ceased till +she had finished them all—such a lot,—then she turned pale. "I must go +home," she said. "Why?" She began putting on her things. "What is your +hurry?" "I can't wait." "Are you ill?" "Yes,—yes,—I must go." "Then I +won't pay you." "I'm not well." "How,—you want to go to the privy!" "I +do," said the girl hanging her head. I rang the bell, told the woman to +show the lass where to ease herself. When she came back I could not +get her to look me in the face, and thinking of her operation gave me +a distaste for her that day, so I let her go without doing anything. +Ridiculous that of course, but I tell things just as they occurred. +

+

+When it rained, and she could not meet me, how angry she was. "If I buy +an umbrella mother will wonder where I got it." Once she nearly got wet +through, and I did not see her that time, because I did not expect her +to be out. +

+

+She told me where she lived, and I arranged that if it rained I would go +to the front of the house in a cab. I did that once only, and the cabman +insolently demanded about five times his fare when I got down at E——r +Street, saying I had enticed a young girl into the cab. "Yer haught to +be glad to be let orf with ten bob," said cabby, "think yerself lucky a +peeler don't drop on you for taking a young gal like that,—yah! you're +a swell, ain't yer?—yah!—yah!—poop!"—and off he drove. +

+

+She began to deplore her poor dress, bought a pair of white stockings, +and I kept them for her, because she was afraid of taking them home. +"Oh! ain't I kept under," said she, "I hate it,—I have a good mind to +bolt." "Then you will turn gay." "Well I would like to dress nice, and +do as I like, instead of minding children and working." I persuaded her +not. +

+

+"Have you had no other man but me for the last two months?" "Only one," +she said, "but I'm never out if it rains, and I can't get out of nights +cause of mother, and I wash and mend,—so how can I?" "I'll go and ask +for some one else at your room, to see if you're in or not." "Do,—if I +don't open the door, mother will, on Monday I'll take the brats into the +Waterloo road for a walk." She did, and I saw her. How short her clothes +were! a carman as he passed stooped down, and gave her legs a pinch. Her +mother was at home. +

+

+The girl grew fast, each week she seemed bigger than the week +previously, the sausage-rolls agreed with her, the hair on her cunt +lengthened,—she was so pleased when I remarked it,—her desire was to +have as much hair on her quim as Betty had. Then she began to get heavy, +dull, and drooping. One day I had her on the side of the bed, just for +variety sake, for sometimes I found it delightful to see my prick up to +its roots in her, and the next instant its tip. Her cunt felt very wet, +looking at my half-uncunted prick it was covered with blood. I pulled +it out, a red stream followed running all over her chemise. I had never +seen such a sight before when fucking, and only once I think since, +though I have poked women in that state. +

+

+"What is the matter?" said I startled for the moment, "you're poorly?" +

+

+"Oh!" cried out the girl, "I must go to mother,—ohl let me go." I tried +to comfort her, she took no notice of me, but dressed and ran out of the +house quickly, white with terror and without her money. That night I +had Brighton Bessie, and told her about it. Bessie said the dirty little +bitch ought to be flogged by the hangman; if she had her way all such +young bitches should be sent to prison, and the men who had them ought +to be punished as well. +

+

+Kit's first poorliness had come on, that accounted for her dullness, she +had no idea of what was taking place in her, her mother had not warned +her. Of course, the girl knew of the ailment common to her sex, but +her monthlies had taken her by surprise. I never knew a girl more +unaffectedly modest than Kitty was the next time she met me after her +accident, as we called it. +

+

+Said she one day, "Give me a sovereign for this silver (savings out of +the money I had given her), I don't know where to put it, it jingles in +my pocket,—I am afraid of dropping it, and mother finding it out." +

+

+She had put it in a crack between the skirting and the inside of a +cupboard lining as near as I could make out, until it was a pound's +worth. "What a pity I can't buy some nice clothes, is it not?" said she. +Poor Kitty was amusing, but I saw she was brewing mischief after she had +had her monthlies, or was what she called "a full woman." Several times +as she took my money she said it was no good to her, as she could only +buy things to eat. She was getting restless. When I told her I should be +in the Strand one day, if it were not wet. "Oh! do come, if it's wet or +not,—I will meet you." "But your mother?" "Don't care,—if she says +anything I'll tell her I'll run away." +

+

+Said she one day, "Hasn't Pol got it? her mother has nearly murdered +her,—oh! Lor she is bruised all over." Then she told me that the little +dark girl I had had was caught in the privy with a man,—"oh! such a big +un, he is much taller than you,—she was standing on the privy-seat with +her legs wide open, and he was trying to do it to her." The mother had +suspected, had the little imp watched, and caught the man in the +act. "How he could do it I don't know," said Kit, "but he is a +bargeman,—such a big man!—and the little beast stood on the privy-seat +too." Kitty was scandalized at that. +

+

+It was some days before I saw her again, then she was slovenly and had a +black eye, and began to cry. "It's mother," she sobbed, "look here." She +pulled off her things, and showed me wales and bruises. "Mother did it," +said she sobbing, "my bottom's bruised,—she held me down, and hit me +with a brush,—look," said Kitty turning up her lily-white arse for me +to see. +

+

+Her young friend who had not long before had my prick up her cunt, and +then the bargeman's, had sought to excuse herself by saying Kitty was as +bad. Mother told mother, Kitty was battered by her mother, and had been +locked up, there had been row after row, till Kitty would not eat, nor +wash, nor mend,—she fought her mother, she threatened to run away, and +to turn gay. Said the mother, "Your father always said you would, he +would turn round in his grave if he knew what you are saying. +

+

+"I made my brother's cock stiff," said she one day as she was playing +what we called cherry-bob with my prick, i.e. taking the tip in her +mouth when it was limp, and shooting it out again, just as you see +children do with cherries. "Your little brother?" "Yes,—I washed him, +pulled it backwards and forwards, as if I were washing him, so that he +should not know what I was about." "Did it get stiff?" "Quite, and he +seemed to like it," said she, "he asked me to go on doing it." +

+

+During all this time I had occasionally seen Bessie, for a youthful +cunt never did give me full physical enjoyment, nor fetch me like a +full-grown one, although as an occasional letch it was delicious. After +her monthlies had arranged themselves I fancied Kitty was more luscious, +and her discharge more copious, yet I often used to think of the +spanking posteriors and full crisp-haired cunt of Bessie whilst +operating on Kit. A light-haired quim I also never liked, it was the +artlessness, frankness, and freshness of Kitty which kept me to her so +long. +

+

+I was going abroad. When I told Kitty this she broke into tears. "Oh! +what shall I do!—don't go," said she. The little lass was fond of me; +a thing I never had dreamed of. She promised me to go to service, and +leave off fucking; but she never did. +

+

+Then I told Bessie, and she began to cry, and said, "It's always the +way,—directly I like a man I lose him." I thought she was shamming, but +the last night I had her, she would take no money, said if I gave it to +her, she would throw it into the streets. +

+

+Glad to be from England, alone,—alone, I hoped to be sent to———, +but got no further than———. There I had women enough. All women +there were examined by medical men weekly, just as they are at———, +and many a fine Spanish woman, and coarse but well-built English woman +I had for half-a-crown a piece. I was recalled after seven months, and +within a few days was in the Strand, but saw no Kitty until one night in +early Summer. "Oh! it's you,—I'm so glad," said a female. It was Kitty, +delighted. I did not know her for the instant, but in ten minutes we +were fucking. How glad she was to see me; she was a well grown young +woman, and lovely, her breasts were well developed, her calves and bum +as well, although she was not seventeen. +

+

+She had quarrelled with her mother, left, and set up as harlot. It +was wonderful what harlotry had done in giving her taste in dress, +deportment, style of walking, and even in language. She had learned the +value of her cunt, it was no longer three and six, but twenty shillings. +"I don't want your money," said she, "let's talk of old times." We +spent several evenings together. One man almost kept her, she thought he +was going to keep her altogether, and hoped so. +

+

+I had taken her to the house in B.w Street, quietly there we talked all +things over; we laughed over the affair of Pol and the coal-heaver, the +sausage-rolls, the lost ten shillings, the afternoon her poorliness came +on. "So you are gay,—do you like the life?" She really did, got lots of +money, and now kept her mother who had been disabled by rheumatic fever. +I saw her daily for a week or two afterwards, and we fucked to our +hearts' content. Her motte was delicately hairy now, and of dark golden +colour, slightly brownish. Then I went to the sea-side. When I came back +to London, looking for her everywhere, I could not find her, and though +I longed for her very much, was obliged to render myself happy with +others. +

+

+To complete her history I must go forward two or three years when I had +been madly in love with a gay woman as I shall tell, but had quarrelled +with her for presuming on my love, and resolutely abstained from seeing +her, doing however great violence to my affection and inclination. I +used to go to the baudy house in J...s Street (not yet mentioned), and +cry to its Mistress who would ask me to let her send to the lady of my +affection (Miss M...s),—but of this more presently. +

+

+After reading over this part of my narrative relating to Kitty written +full thirty years ago, I add these few words. +

+

+My secret life was written for my own pleasure, and to be a narrative of +what I myself saw and did, and nothing else. I have pretty well adhered +to that, but my fun with Kitty took place within a few years after I +began to write, and describe the amatory episodes as leisure inclined +me, and as they seemed to me unusually amusing or illustrative. I +arranged them in order afterwards. Nothing at that time had been so +piquant in my acquaintance with harlots as Kitty's had been. I had +not then had much to do with lasses as young as she was, the novelty +therefore I suppose made me write out her narrative intermixed with my +own, at the length it has reached. +

+

+Besides Kitty was really quite original, her freshness, frankness, and +truthfulness impressed me much, and after much experience since in the +ways of frail ones, I believe now that what she told me was mainly true, +and am sure she was delighted to get a confident in me, to whom she +could unbosom herself unreservedly. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER VII. +

+
+     Brighton Bessie.—Change irresistable.—Bessie in quod.—
+     Lewd effects.—Spooning.—Her home.—Her cabman.—
+     Reflexions.—Two years after.—Five years later on.—The
+     mouse's promenade.—Bessie disappears.
+
+

+I met in the Strand one night Bessie, who put her arms round me. I +repulsed her, she saw her mistake, and followed me to a baudy house. +Inside she began kissing me excitedly, and said she was so glad to see +me back, that she did not know what she was about. It was not our usual +house, I was in a hurry, so after I had fucked her was going away. "What +one fuck only!—you have not had me for a year nearly,—I'm damned +if you go till you have given me another,—that dear old prick, I've +thought of it fifty times when I have been poked." So I fucked her +again, and afterwards resumed seeing her, for she was much to my taste +sexually. I had many voluptuous amusements with her which she liked and +invited, although I have no recollection of playing any of those curious +erotic tricks which gratified me later on in life, nice attitudes being +then for the most part enough for me. My balls were running over with +sperm in those days, and if I could control myself for a few minutes +when my prick was stiff, it was as much as I could do. Bessie was +full-blooded, and loved to take her fucking with me, kissing me +furiously as her pleasure came on. We used again to pass hours at the +house in B.w Street, reading, drinking, talking, and copulating at +intervals. +

+

+Yet I went after other women for all that, for fresh cunt was +irresistable. Once when I had been away I missed her for a few days, +then I saw her coming out of a public-house. "Oh! I'm so glad,—I've +been locked up,—it's a damned shame," she cried out, "I was marched off +without having said a word by a police-man,—blast him!—and all because +I would not let the bugger fuck me one night up in ——— Street,—I'd +never let a policeman touch me,—damn them all." She spoke loud to a man +and two or three sympathizing women, a mob began to gather round her, so +noisy was she. +

+

+I turned as quickly as I could up a side-street, she following me. "Oh! +come my dear, come,—how glad I am to see you,—I did nothing but think +of you whilst I was locked up,—oh! God I'm dying for a fuck,—a whole +fortnight I've not had it, and I did nothing but think of you when I +frigged myself." There was a roar of laughter from half-a-dozen women +who had followed her. "Shut up," said some one. "Ain't she a letting +out!" said another. "Ain't you ashamed of yourself?" said a third. "It's +one of her men," said another. "She is a nice woman," said some one +else. "It was a damned shame," said another. "I know him," said a voice, +"he wants every woman in the Strand, and if he don't get them he walks +them off." "Yes the bugger." "She is just out." "Yes, and he quodded +Mary Summers last night." "And he is a married man with a large +family,"—and so on. I felt overwhelmed, and inclined to run away. She +turned into the first house which had a door open, and I was glad when +the friendly red-curtained door closed behind me, she galloping upstairs +in front of me, showing her fat calves. I followed Bessie into a +bed-room. +

+

+"Five shillings," said the woman to me. "It's all right,—you go,—he's +an old friend of mine,—don't bother," said Bessie pushing the servant +out of the room, and slamming tie door, then throwing her bonnet on +a chair she caught hold of me, gluing her lips to mine, feeling at my +trowsers front she cried out, "Let's fuck,—come and fuck me,—I'm dying +for you,—a fuck from you,—oh! put your prick up." She had got it out, +threw herself on the bed opening her thighs wide, and showing her cuntal +beauties, calling on me to fuck her. I mounted her immediately, it was +impossible to withstand her randy impetuousity; contagious lewdness +coursed through my veins. +

+

+"Oh! my God," said she as my prick drove home, "I'm coming,—oh! +my God,—fuck,—fuck,—oh! I'm spending,—oh! my +darling,—fuck,—spend,—oh!—oooh!" I never had a woman in a higher +state of randiness, she would not let me go till I had fully eased her +passions, she lavished expressions of love and tenderness on me. "Don't +pull it out,—there dear, there,—lay still on me, I'll keep it up, it +will be stiff again,—there it's stiff now." I stopped with her some +hours. A policeman on the beat she said, had taken a fancy to her, had +asked her to let him do it to her up against the dark wall at the back +of E.... r H.. l. She would not, he threatened, still she refused, so he +took her to the station one night on the plea of her annoying gentlemen, +and the magistrate gave her a fortnight in prison. She had come out that +very day, and was rather tight. +

+

+In a few weeks Bessie got more and more friendly. I was the first to +leave, and she to ask what was my hurry. When I thought I had been +detaining her too long for my moderate compliment, she would say, "Oh! +never mind, I'll make ten shillings do,—I'm not in debt,—before the +theatres are over I dare say I'll get engaged." It was impossible to +avoid seeing she was getting affectionate. She would sit or lay talking, +feeling, or kissing me for hours, whilst her expressions of pleasure +when I was stirring up her vitals equalled those of any woman who has +ever loved me or enjoyed my embraces. +

+

+One night I was charged twice for the room, for stopping long, and +said something about not being able to afford it. That brought forth a +proposition, one of the most curious I ever had in my life. +

+

+Said she, "It's a lot of money to spend on the rooms,—come to my rooms; +they would be too humble for you, but they are clean and nice,—drop me +a line, and I will always be at home,—and you would be more comfortable +than at these houses, and have nothing to pay." Then after hesitation, +and as if reflecting, she said she lived in the New North road where she +had either a small house or rooms in one, I don't quite recollect which. +"It's paid for by a friend of mine, he gives me ten shillings a week. +Now don't think little of me because I tell you this,—he is only a +cabman, he sleeps with me nearly always, he's a nice clean, steady man, +and behaves well to me; but I don't like him since I've known you. You +can come when you like, and sleep with me when you like,—I'll give +him up, he shall never come near me again, and I'll always be there for +you,—you will see what a large comfortable bed I've got,—but you must +pay for the rooms, I must feel sure of a roof over me,—I don't care +about anything else,—then you can see me when you like, give me what +you like,—nothing if you have not got it,—I don't want your money, +I'll get that as I now do." +

+

+She said all this in a humble way looking at me, tears half filled her +eyes, her tone was sad; it was in its way a clear but simple declaration +of affection for me. I saw it, felt it, but shunned it; for a strange +dislike to a gay woman loving me came over me, some sort of undefined +idea that I should be a species of fancy-man, a man whom I always +thought at that time was a baudy house bully; and the offer of Bessie +oppressed me. +

+

+I told her she was very kind, that I appreciated it, but it was a long +way off,—I would not think of it,—I did not wish her to give up a +friend for me,—that there were obstacles to my accepting which I could +not tell her of, and so on. I scarcely knew what to say in refusing +without wounding her feelings. +

+

+"I am sorry I told you, for you won't think as much of me as you +did,—it's the simple truth,—you don't believe me?—only come up and +see me." But I could not then think of displacing a cabman, I did not +even like to think of my prick having taken its pleasure in the cunt +which had wriggled the prick of a cabman. My experience in life might +have told me, had I thought about it, that the possibility was that my +prick might have rubbed up the same channel that a burglar's had. I +only saw that I was asked to displace a common man in the affection of +a street-doxy, I appreciated the affection which prompted the offer of +exchange, felt gratified and sorry at the same time, especially when I +saw tears in the poor woman's eyes. +

+

+I again said I would if it were not such a long way off, but perhaps I +would, and so on. I never did go to her house, but saw her from time to +time, until I fell madly in love with a lady of pleasure and would have +given almost my life for her to have loved me. So Bessie was avenged, +for I had fallen in love with a doxy after all. +

+

+When this infatuation occurred I ceased seeing Bessie. Then in my +trouble a year or two afterwards I sought her again, and told her my +trouble. "Ah! you would not love me when I was fond of you, but you love +her, and she plays on it,—don't you let her fool you," said Bessie, +"she has got a man,—all you give her he will get, I know it from what +you tell me." Bessie was right, but Sarah after a time as I shall tell, +did not deceive me about the matter. +

+

+Then I missed Bessie for a year or two, then found her again in the +Strand, she was much altered. "I don't think I ever liked a man to fuck +me as I do you," said she one night as she enjoyed me, "if you had but +come up to my little home you would have saved me a lot of trouble." But +I could not get out of her what she meant by that. +

+

+Full five years afterwards, when roaming about not far from the +Haymarket one night I met her, and scarcely knew her. She stopped short, +"You Bessie!" "Ah! yes it's Brighton Bessie, but I'm sadly altered, sure +enough." "And you knew me?" "Know you!—I should know you by your eyes, +if I saw nothing more of your face but your eyes,—I should know you to +the last day of your life," said she. She was always talking about my +eyes. She had seen me several times, but had not dared to accost me she +said. I told her she always might. +

+

+I took her to what had become my favorite baudy house. It was a hot +night, and we fucked on the sofa. She had become flabby, and said she +had ill health, but I could glean nothing from her about her career, +excepting that for some years she had not been gay. We stripped naked, +and had just finished fucking her on the sofa when I felt something +running over my legs, bum and back over my shoulder, on to hers. It was +instantaneous. Then I saw a mouse which had run over us, and went fast +up the wall into some red curtains where it was lost,—it made her +shudder, and me too. That is one of the odd events by which I shall +always recollect the last time I had Brighton Bessie. "You won't see me +again I dare say," said she in a plaintive tone, and a tear in her +eye as we parted. I said I dare say I should. "No you won't,—good bye +dear." With a sigh the poor woman left me, and I never saw her again. +

+

+It was whilst I was frequenting Bessie, and occasionally other doxies +that the following adventure occurred. +

+

+I was frequently now at my mother's house, my brother was away, and both +my sisters married. I used to stop with her for days together, finding +that a relief from home misery, and also agreeable company to her, who +was now so much alone. I also at times stopped with one of my sisters +whose husband I liked; the other lived some distance from London. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER VIII. +

+
+     Washerwomen.—Matilda and Esther.—A peep over a wall.—
+     Eaves dropping.—A girl's wants.—Shaking a tooleywag.—A
+     promenade by a barrow.—Disclosures.—A snatch and a
+     scuffle.—An assignation.
+
+

+I went to see my mother one day in Summer, and after luncheon walked +to the end of the garden often mentioned. At one side of it was a +road which gave access to a gentleman's house, and on the other to my +mother's. There the carriage-road stopped, and a foot-path began. At the +junction was a mews wide enough for a cart, which ran at the end of our +garden and those adjoining. Our entrance to it had been disused, we +having one in the side-wall opening on to the road, and the neighbours +rarely used their back-entrances. The mews was grass-grown. On the +opposite side to our garden-walls was the wall of very large grounds. A +gate not locked, formed of open bars was at the end of the mews next to +the road. +

+

+The footpath mentioned passed between walls of large gardens, and the +between fields, until it joined a road on the other side of which was +the village church-yard, through which the footway passage continued +till again a high-road intervened. This continuous footway formed +a short cut to a distant part of the parish. It was not much used +excepting on Sundays, and by lovers who walked there on summer nights. I +had found out years before that the mews at the back of our house was an +occasional pissing-place, it being round the corner, and out of sight. +I used to peep over the wall in hopes of seeing a female at that +operation, mounting to do so by the gardener's ladder. When I saw a +woman piddle it was great delight to me, but I more frequently saw men +whose cocks had no attraction for me. On Sunday nights after church, the +splash and rustle of petticoats could be heard, but not seen; the sight +was however rare at any time, for few people had the boldness to push +open the gate, and enter the mews. +

+

+I never saw copulation, the greatest fun I had was once seeing a female +bogging, who turned round and gathered two or three of the largest +leaves from the lime-trees in our gardens which overhung the wall, wiped +her arse with them, and left them sticking on the top of her turds; but +she never noticed a youth peeping just over her head. One reason why I +was never detected watching was that women always turned their bums to +our wall, and so I was at the back of them. Charlotte and I have both +looked over the wall. +

+

+The wall was mostly covered with our ivy, which fell down in thick +masses on the mews side; lime-trees at intervals completed the screen. +Any one peeping down from above could be sufficiently hidden if he +put his head carefully above the wall at places, and pushed aside the +boughs. On the day I speak of, I walked round the garden thinking of old +times, of how Charlotte and I used to see if the cook was talking to +the gardener before we began our amourous play, of the pranks Fred and +others played there, and all the occurrences of my youth, which had +taken place in the house and garden. +

+

+The gardener was away. I thought I would look over the wall; so placing +the ladder got up, and looking down saw two girls sitting on the handles +of a barrow on which were baskets filled with linen. One looked about +sixteen, the other a little older. It was a dreadfully hot day, the +barrow was at the angle of the mews. They were talking, and I moved the +ladder to get a place nearer to them and not to be seen; for to watch +and hear women who thought themselves unobserved and unheard, was always +a delight to me. If you ever hear two women talking on amorous subjects, +their disclosures you will find are always charming to a man. +

+

+At the angle of our garden, and just where the road joined the mews, a +large notice-board had been put up for some purpose since I had lived +there; it was just outside and higher than our wall. Between the back of +it and the wall was a space of a few inches. Our ivy had grown up it +at places, and filled up most of the space, but enough was left at +the angle to let me look down on the barrow which was just outside the +mews-gate, out of the way of what small traffic there was, the gate of +the mews being wide open. Then of all my eaves dropping I have never yet +heard anything so amusing as I did then. The air was solemnly quiet in +the hot summer's afternoon and though the girls spoke quite softly, I +heard them well. +

+

+"I should like to feel what it is like," said the youngest whose face +was towards me. There was a mixture of fun, audacity, curiosity and +lewdness on that girl's face. "Hish! some one will hear you," and +something else I could not hear, said the other. "Fuck—there then," +said the young one saucily and laughing. The older gave her a slap. "Now +you may take the things home alone,—I won't help." "If you don't I'll +tell mother." "Don't care." "Yes you do,—what did you say it +for?" "Didn't you say it?" "I didn't bawl it out you fool." +"Fuck,—there,—there," said the younger going off. "There it may stay +then," said the older angrily, and she moved also off round the corner. +They were both out of sight in a second, but I heard their voices +quarrelling, the barrow and clothes-baskets were unattended just outside +the mews-gate. +

+

+A labouring man came along in the opposite direction. Seeing the barrow +he stood and looked round in all directions, turned into the mews, and +I think he was going to steal, but thought better of it. I had peeped +quite round the board, but had dropped into the old place again, the +man turned to the wall, and pissed just under me, his head turned, and +looking at the clothes-baskets all the time, then he drew the foreskin +backwards and forwards when he had finished, till his prick was +standing, an article any man might have been proud of; he played +with it, and might have been going to frig himself had he not been +interrupted. +

+

+The girls came back round the corner just then still wrangling, they +stopped as they came on the man, who turning round shook his tooleywag +at them, and moved out of sight, but not out of my hearing. "This is the +sort of thing that would please you," said he wagging it. "Go along you +beast, I'll call a policeman." "You wouldn't call out if it was up your +cunt,"—and he walked off laughing. The girls were quiet for an instant, +and then laughed. "Hish!" said one, "he is not gone." The other looked +round the corner, and said he had; then they laughed loudly. +

+

+"Was it not big!" "Did you see it?" "Yes, and stiff,—ha—ha—ha." +"He—he—he." "It looked as if it would split any one," said the little +one who sat down on the barrow-handle again. "Sarah says the bigger it +is the better it is," said the other, and then they laughed. "Hush!" +said the bigger one, "some one may hear us." Turning her rump to the +wall she pissed just where the man had. The little one did the same, +then off they went, one trundling, the other holding the baskets steady. +They took the heavy work in turns I found. +

+

+I rushed to the house, then out, and followed the girls, a desire to +show them my prick was on me. As I followed my intentions cooled, +fearing they might tell a policeman. I had not the experience then that +I now have, or should have feared nothing of the sort, for girls tell +no one but each other if they see a man's prick. I overtook them in the +church-yard (they were resting again on the barrow-handles), and entered +into conversation with them, delighted at their demure faces, knowing +that they had just seen a prick, that one had said "fuck," and that +I had seen both piss. A notion of getting the younger one by herself +restrained me from blurting out what was in my mind, but my delight +really was in looking at, and talking with them, thinking that fucking +might and probably was in their mind at the moment I accosted them. +

+

+They were coarse, middle-sized, well-fed, sturdy-limbed, dark-eyed +wenches, unmistakeably sisters. Excepting for one being shorter than +the other you would scarcely have known there was a difference in their +ages; both had bare arms, one had her frock well pinned up behind over +her petticoats, both had short petticoats, thick ankles and strong +boots, a washerwoman was then not ashamed of showing what she was, and +they always wore dazzling white stockings,—and these girls did. I +asked where they lived, they answered readily. I knew the lane well, all +the washerwomen in the village were there. +

+

+In my lewdness I forgot everything but the pleasure of speaking to the +girls. A middle-aged lady passed us accompanied by two or three very +young women, who stared hard at me. The barrow-girls stood up and +curtsied as they passed, and naming them. I knew them, and a few years +before had romped and played with the young ladies, then children. +The last time I had seen them there was not a hair on any one of their +cunts; I expect that now their cunts were full-wigged, and well frigged +into the bargain. They had recognized me, as I heard from my mother +afterwards, I did not recognize them, they having grown from children to +women. I was seated on the barrow-handle as they passed. +

+

+"So you wash?" No, their mother did, they ironed, took home, and +fetched the things. What was their name?—would they meet me? and so on. +They would perhaps,—where did I live?—they did not know me. Getting +friendlier and friendlier I learned all about them, it was done in a +joking, chaffing way. I told them I lived far off, and was only on a +visit at a house close by. +

+

+They must go on really,—would I get up? No, unless they gave me a kiss. +I chivied one after the other, and caught and kissed both, they were +not difficult to catch. Then they trundled on the barrow, I walking with +them, the people we met (very few) staring at a dandy walking by the +side of two washgirls; but I took no heed then of any one who passed us, +nor cared. +

+

+We crossed the high-road into another part of the lane, and again we +stopped; more and more randy got I. "What do you think of, when you +iron the tail of a man's shirt?" "Nothing." "You know it wraps round +something different from that which a chemise does." "Does it?" said +the little one who had twice the cheek of the elder. "Yes,—it makes you +think when you iron them." No it did not,—what did I mean?—they did +not know in the least. +

+

+(What delight some girls have in their randiness in declaring they +don't understand a man's baudy chaff, the "What do you mean?" "I don't +understand" are only incitements to the man to declare his meaning in +broad, strong, baudy words; and then it's, "Oh! oh! the beast!" but +their cunts tighten with a squeeze of lust, they go off and think of it +all, and perhaps frig themselves under the recollection. But this is a +reflection the result of matured experience, and was not written at the +time this part of my narrative was.) +

+

+They turned up the high-road, and at their earnest request I fell +behind, they left the linen at a house, and brought back other baskets, +then I recommenced chaffing. When we were in the lane bounded on one +side by a wall, on the other by a ditch and corn-field. They stopped and +begged me to go, for so many people knew them on the road. Prudence told +me we had better separate, but my mind full of the idea of getting the +younger girl, I asked them to have a drink. No,—they would be seen. +Would they meet me? Yes. When? They could not say,—but I had their +address. +

+

+I am not clear why, but up till then I had not said what I had heard and +seen, but I kept it to myself, although dying to let it out. I again sat +at the edge of the barrow, and refused to get up till they both kissed +me. They could not go without the barrow, and after a little sham I +kissed them both. Then the devil took all control off of me, and as I +kissed one I felt outside her till she wriggled away from me. This in +the open lane. +

+

+"Now," said she, "Mr. Impudence, I've a good mind to slap your head for +doing of that." "I'm sure you liked it,"—and I went towards her. She +ran ahead, and took up a stone. "I'll heave this at you," said she +looking as if she meant it. I desisted, and went back to the barrow, +"What's he done?" said the sister who had been standing a little +distance off. "I'll tell you bye and bye,—come on." The younger began to +handle the barrow, but I sat down on a handle, some one came along. "You +will do us harm," said one of the girls. +

+

+"Tell your sister what I did." "Shan't,—get up." I then, forgetful of +my intention, blurted all out, imitating their voice and manner. +"Fuck,—hish! some one will hear,"—a slap. "Fuck,—there then." +

+

+The younger stood like a statue, her mouth opened wide, her lower jaw +almost seemed dropping off; the elder stared at me, her eyes nearly +out of her head. "Sarah says the bigger it is the better she likes it." +Their faces got blood-red, they stared at each other, then one said, "I +wish you'd get up, and let me have my barrow." +

+

+"I saw you both piddle," then I looked up and down the lane in both +directions, I was bursting. "Look," said I pulling out my prick, "it's +as thick and stiff as his, isn't it?" No one was in sight still. +

+

+"I wish there was a policeman," said the elder, "oh! you beast,—we'll +tell the police." One appeared just then in the lane, but the girls +appeared to be in no hurry to tell him, but I rose, they wheeled off the +barrow as fast as they could, I walking with them. I was a little afraid +of the policeman. +

+

+We had got to a spot where the lane was crossed by a village-road in +which were many good houses. "Oh! pray leave us, we go down here, we +have customers in the road." "Will you meet me?" "Yes,—but don't follow +us." I did not want to be seen, so we parted, after some arrangements +about meeting. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER IX. +

+
+     Returning home.—In the church-yard.—Two female laborers.—
+     Among the tombs.—A sudden piss.—An arse on the weeds.—
+     Torn trowsers, and a turd.—In front of the public-house.
+
+

+They went off, I crossed the road into the churchyard, through its +posts at the entrance to prevent cattle passing, and over which with +difficulty the girls had got their barrow and baskets. It was a huge +churchyard, half of it mere field; at one end the rich were buried, +and there were rows of tombs and monuments, the rest was only partially +filled with tomb-stones of all sizes. As I entered it two women passed +me; they were tall, stout, and dusty, had very short petticoats, and +thick hob-nailed boots, dark-blue dresses hung over big haunches, little +black shawls no larger than handkerchiefs over their backs. They had +big black bonnets cocked right upon the tops of their heads, and seemed +women who worked out of doors, agricultural laborers perhaps, or perhaps +the wives of bargemen, for there was a canal through the village. They +had the strong steady walk, and the body well balanced from the hips +that you see in woman engaged in outdoor occupations; perhaps they +carried strawberries to the London markets in large baskets on their +heads, and they walked as firmly as soldiers. +

+

+They went past me towards the monuments, both looked at me, and they +quickened their pace as they went off. I was dying with want of a fuck. +"They are going to piss," I thought. I knew the spot. We when boys, +and I when a youth years before, had laid in wait to see nursemaids and +their little charges turn up among the tombs to ease themselves, so I +stopped and looked after them. +

+

+They heard my footsteps cease, turned round, looked at me, and walked on +again. I followed slowly, they walked slower, so did I; they stopped, +so did I; one turned round. "Well young man, what do you want following +us?" This abashed me for the instant, but my prick standing gave me +confidence. +

+

+"You are going to piddle, and so am I." They burst out laughing, then +checked themselves, and one said, "Well I'm blessed if you ain't well +cheeked young man." "Arn't you?" "It's no business of yourn what we're a +going to do,—go your way, and we'll go ours." "I'll piddle by the +side of you,—I like doing it where a woman does it," I replied. I was +baudily reckless now. +

+

+"I'm damned!—did you ever hear such cheek!—go on young man,—or let +us." On they went, I followed; they stopped, so did I; they muttered +together half-laughing, and turning their heads round every minute,—and +I went on chaffing about piddling. +

+

+They had got to a spot where there was a break in the row of tombs, and +a length of turf with grass a foot high, burnt up, and almost made hay +in the sum-mer sun. "I'd give each of you a shilling to piss before me", +said I. They had turned into this cross-passage between the tombs, and +one could see them from the footpath through the church-yard. +

+

+"Oh! Lord," said one before I had got the words out of my mouth, "I +can't wait",—and squatting she began pissing whilst I made my offer, +and laughing said, "Well if ever I heard the like,—well young man, +give it,—I'll never be paid again for getting rid of my water, I'll +bet,—you do it Sarah." Sarah said, "I shan't." "Don't be a fool, take +his bob." The other looked at me, the splash of the other woman's piddle +fell on her ear. When any one wants to piss, and hears another doing it, +the desire to piss becomes strong. Down Sarah squatted laughing, and her +splash began, before the other had finished pissing. +

+

+I wanted to piss, but the rigidity of my prick prevented me; it wanted +to evacuate its sperm before it got rid of the thinner liquid. I pulled +it out in front of their faces as they squatted side by side, stiff and +red-tipped; it throbbed, and knocked up and down in its randiness under +every effort I made to turn on the water. One said I was a blackguard. +"I want a fuck so bad,—let me have you,—I'll give you five shillings." +To which of the two I don't know, for I had no choice, one cunt was as +good as another to me at that moment, and I pushed my prick towards one +of them, who laughing put it aside with her hand. +

+

+"There is a chance for you," said one to the other (they were both up +then). "What do you take me for young man?" said the other, "if my man +were here he'd knock your bloody head off." But both stood looking at +my prick and me. I kept on asking, and offering the money,—no one would +see us,—one could watch,—and so on. +

+

+"Do you live about here?" said one. "No, I am going to see a friend at +———" (naming a place about two miles off.) "Weren't you never up here +before?" "Never in my life,—here is your shilling,"—and I gave it her. +"Here is yours." She would not take it. "Take it Molly." She took it. +"Oh! let me have you," said I selecting that one now for my addresses. +

+

+"This is a bloody lark," said she, "what do you take us for young +man?" "Let me fuck you." Both stood still looking at me and my prick. +"Some one will catch us," said one moving out from the tombs, and +looking up and down the pathway to see if any one was near, and +then came back. I had got close to the other. "Now Molly," said one +anxiously, "what are you about?" "Oh! he's made me all overish." "Well +if you'd been three months away from your old man as I have, there would +be some excuse." "Never mind,—you won't blab,—you stand there, and +call if you see any one." "The grave-digger will catch you." "No I saw +him right over by the church." "Come away." "No,—you go and watch." And +so we talked for a few seconds, but I never put my prick out of sight. +

+

+"Well," said the other moving out of sight into the narrow path between +the monuments, "you'll get into a mess." "No I shan't,—I'll let him for +the lark of the thing." +

+

+The instant she had gone round the corner the selected one laid hold of +my prick. "Do it quick,—some one may come," said she as she grasped it. +"Lie down". "No I won't,—it's dirty." "No it's dry,—the grass is quite +hay." I stripped off my coat, made it into a bundle, and placed it for +her head. "There,—there," I said, and pulled her down. She made no +resistance. I saw white thighs and belly, black hair on her cunt; and +the next minute I was spending up her. +

+

+"Shove on," said she, "I was just coming,"—and she was wriggling and +heaving, "go on." I could always go on pushing after a spend in those +days, my prick would not lose its stiffness for minutes afterwards; so I +pushed till I thought of doing her a second time; but her pleasure came +on, her cunt contracted, and with the usual wriggle and sigh she was +over, and there were we laying in copulation, with the dead all around +us; another living creature might that moment have been begotten, in its +turn to eat, drink, fuck, die, be buried and rot. Suddenly she jerked up +her arse, and pushed me. +

+

+"Oh!" said she uncunting me, "there is some one,"—and up she jumped. +There stood the other woman. "How you frightened me," said she. "There +was no one coming,—well it's a rum afternoon's job this," said she. +"Don't you blab." "Not I." +

+

+I had hidden my prick, but now my bladder insisted on its requirements +being attended to, and I went to the spot which the two ladies had +moistened, and pissed on it. The woman who had watched us fucking had +dark eyes, she had looked at me without ceasing from the time I had got +off from the other, and began pissing. My prick nearly at fucking size +still, was pouring forth a copious stream whilst I was feeling its +stem which the moisture from the other's cunt had saturated. Seeing +her looking I pulled out balls and all, and finished by shaking my +tooleywag. She laughed a low laugh. "I feel all overish myself now." +Her eyes looked like fire at me, fierce, lewd. "I'll give you five +shillings,—let me fuck you too,—she will wait and watch for us." +

+

+"Oh!—o!" said the one whom I just had fucked, twitching about, and +suddenly pulling up her petticoats, and looking up them, "there is +something crawling up me." She felt up her petticoats, shaking them, and +flourishing them about. "Oh!—oh!—just lift them up, and look Sarah." +

+

+Her companion lifted her clothes. "Go away young man, you've had your +game I think." "Oh! not there,—oh! it's biting." "Don't make that +noise." "Oh! it's here,—there,—just there." Slowly the companion +lifted the petticoats, first one side, then the other, showing thighs +and rump, and a great ugly crawling black thing dropped; it had crawled +up her petticoats whilst she was lying on the ground. I had drawn near, +and was gloating over the display of charms. "Ain't he had a treat +Molly!" said she. +

+

+This sight finished me by making me as stiff as I had been five minutes +before; the other one still kept looking at me. "I'll give you five +shillings," said I. "I've a good mind" said she. "Lor let him,—who'll +know?" "How stiff it is!" "Let him." "Feel it," said I. The woman put +her hand on it. "I'll go and watch," said the other moving away. "I +shan't." "Don't be a fool,"—and she moved out of sight, leaving us two +alone. +

+

+Not a word more was said, I pushed her up against the upright railings +enclosing a monument; a slight stone-lodge going all round the monument +put her about an inch above me, I lifted her clothes, for an instant +only saw another dark-haired cunt, and drove my prick up it. She felt +pleasure the very first shove that I gave her. "Oh!—oh!—did she do it +with you?—did she spend?" she gasped in whispers, looking me full in +the face. "Yes she spent." +

+

+That fetched her. "Oh! I'm coming,—oh! it's a coming," she gasped, and +laid her head over my shoulder. I felt her bum and belly wagging, and a +perfect torrent of cunt-liquor ran down on to my balls. I had not long +began my fuck, so was slower than with the first woman, and had fetched +her a second time before I had finished her standing up against the +railings. Then we stood, pressing our bellies together, keeping our +genitals coupled, and looking in each other's faces without speaking, +one or two minutes. +

+

+"You don't know these parts?" said she whilst we still were coupled. +"I've never been here in my life before," I replied. "How hard your bum +is,—are you married?" "Yes." "Is she?" "No,—let me go, she is coming." +Down flopped my tool, and down fell her petticoats. +

+

+The first-fucked came round the corner, then we talked. I had given the +first woman her five shillings directly after I had done her, and before +she found the reptile in her petticoats; I forgot to pay the other. +"Well young man, you've made a pair of us go crooked," said one. "Aye +that he have,—we've played high jinks." "Give us a kiss," said one. I +kissed them both, and off they walked. "Hulloh!" said I, "I forgot the +five shillings." "Lord so had I," said my creditor,—and I gave it her. +

+

+"Don't come our way, the grave-digger knows us,—go straight across +there, and round the church." I watched them going along with their +steady step; who could have known from their look and manner, that both +had just been fucked! Who can tell the state of any woman's cunt, whom +you may meet anywhere! +

+

+I went to my mother's, the hair on my prick was gummed flat on my belly +and balls, I found I had torn a hole in the knee of my trowsers, and a +lump of turd was sticking to my coat, that I had made her a pillow with, +the ground must have been hard and flinty, and some one had shit in the +high grass. +

+

+What were the women?—certainly not gay. Did they fuck with me for fun, +for letch, or for money? I often have thought of it, and came to the +conclusion that both were lewd, that my baudy suggestions made them +worse, my prick upset them, and the money finished it; but that wanting +a fuck was the main cause; that one whose old man had been away three +months, how she looked at me and at my doodle, after I had fucked the +first one! +

+

+Towards dusk I went to meet my washerwomen. Near the corner of the lane +in which they lived was an old-fashioned public-house well back from the +road, in front of it were two large elm-trees, beneath them seats where +poor people sat drinking and enjoying themselves in Summer. I stopped +and looked. Quite at the back sat the two women whom I had fucked; they +had pewter pots in front of them, and recognized me at once. Both got +up, and rushed inside the public-house rapidly. Funk was on their faces, +they seemed to struggle who should get inside the door first. I never +saw them afterwards, but at the sight of them my cock stood rigidly, and +I would have had them again had it been possible. Many a time since I +have been to that churchyard to look at the place among the tombs where +we three had our pleasures, and my prick always stiffened when I was +there. Such impromptu copulations have a wonderful charm. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER X. +

+
+     The washerwoman's lane.—An intention frustrated.—A slap in
+     the face.—Choice language and temper.—A dinner in the
+     Haymarket.—The rocking-chair.—A lucky shove.—Up, and out
+     in a second.—A quarrel, and flight.—An enticing laugh.—
+     The house in O... d. Street.
+
+

+Down the lane was the washerwoman's cottage, it had a little garden in +front of it. Through the window I saw the girls ironing by candle-light, +I walked about till quite dark, then knocked at the door. The short one +opened it, and seeing me shut the door saying, "Oh! you musn't call." So +I went away. +

+

+Then I wrote asking them to meet me, and got no reply; but I persevered. +I was constantly thinking of the girls' baudy talk when sitting on the +barrow. I went to the house again, after writing to say when I would be +at the end of the lane, and found them standing there,—by accident they +said, they declared they had not had my letter. That was a lie I knew. I +began smutty talk, which they cut short by both going to their cottage. +

+

+I wrote letters to the short one again, asking her to meet me, but +nothing came of that. At the end of their lane were market-gardens, I +saw Esther one evening at that end which joined the high-road, and was +close to the public-house where I had seen the women sitting whom I had +poked in the village church-yard. It was dark. I asked her to come for a +walk, she promised in a few minutes to come to me by the market-garden. +"If I don't," said she, "it will be because mother is at the door." But +she came. +

+

+I swore I was in love with her, which was true to the extent of her +cunt, and wanted her to meet me elsewhere,—we would dine, and go to the +theatre together. No she could not be out late without a row. I kissed +her, which she took to in the darkness kindly enough. I whispered, "I +should like to fuck." "If you say that again," said she, "I'll slap your +chops." I did, and she gave me a slap in the face, and ran off. I was +hurt, and so annoyed, that I did not follow her, but bawled out, "You'll +split your cunt into your arse-hole if you run like that." Directly +afterwards a voice like as of an oldish female in the darkness said, +"Get along you drunken blackguard, the likes of you ought to be locked +up." Insulting the girl by foul-mouthed remarks had not improved I +feared my chance of broaching her, and for a while I desisted. +

+

+But the letch was strong on me, I went to stay with my mother to +be nearer my game, and passed my time in playing billiards at the +public-house, and nightly I hunted the girl; so that at length under +promise to take her to Vauxhall she agreed to come and dine with me, or +as she said, have supper at eight o'clock with me. I usually then went +to Vauxhall at ten o'clock. +

+

+I went to a French restaurant in the Haymarket, ordered a sitting and +bed-room, and a good supper. Thought I, "With a feast and champagne with +you by myself for a couple of hours, my cock and your cunt will make +acquaintance." +

+

+To my annoyance she came with her sister. "I could not stop out late +without her," said she. I made the best of it, though very angry on the +quiet at seeing my game baulked. +

+

+"I'll kiss you at once because you have brought your sister unasked, and +you Matilda because you came unasked,"—and I kissed both to my heart's +content. They liked it. They were dressed in the vulgarest style of +their class, and I felt ashamed of going to Vauxhall with them,—and did +not they gorge! Champagne they had never tasted before and they lapped +it up like milk. "It gets into your head, don't it?" said one. "No my +dear, champagne gets into your tail,—you'll want to piddle soon." +"Oh! for shame!" "Never mind there are plenty of chamber-pots in the +bed-room." "If you talk that way we'll go," said they laughing, but we +went on talking and drinking. +

+

+Supper over, the waiter out of the room, both girls half-screwed, +half-screwed myself and wholly lewd, they both came and sat by me on the +sofa. Sisters again,—what fatality! +

+

+The conversation was soon suggestive. Which did they like best, washing +a shirt or a chemise? They let out, checked themselves, checked each +other. "Lord Esther what are you saying?" "Well Matilda I'm ashamed +of you." "Well that's pretty conversation for a gentleman,—let's +go,—promise you won't say anything like it again." "I won't,—but tell +me one thing,—how did you feel Esther, when you sat on the barrow and +said, 'fuck'?" "You're a blackguard, I never said anything of the +sort,—did I Matilda?" "We'll go if you keep on so." +

+

+Matilda got jealous. "It's my turn now," said she after I had been +kissing Esther. The wine got more into all our heads, and we laughed +and shouted. "Why did you come Matilda?" "Mother don't let Esther out +alone,—besides I didn't know what you two might be up to alone." "What +did you think we might be up to?" "Oh! that's tellings." This talk went +on for a time, gradually getting warmer and more suggestive; all were +thinking about fucking, though no one said so. +

+

+By the sofa was an American rocking-chair, the first I ever recollect +having seen. Matilda began rocking herself in it, I rocked the chair +violently for her and then as far as it would go, back and held it +there, then rapidly I pushed one hand up her petticoats. Her legs were +distended somewhat as legs usually are when people are rocking, and my +fingers went on to her cunt. She lay back for the moment, helpless, then +managed to close her legs, but being almost on her back she could not +get free; she struggled to get up, and yelled out, "Oh! pull him off +Esther,—-don't you beast." +

+

+Esther was on the sofa. She got up, pulled me back, and the chair came +forwards, but not till I had lifted Matilda's clothes far above her +knees. She sulked, my blood was up, and pulling Esther down on the sofa +kissing her, I pushed my hand up her clothes, and on to her cunt. She +screeched, then Matilda pulled me away. There had been much laughing and +yelling, but now they sulked. "We will go," said they. "I've felt both +your cunts," said I. +

+

+Their bonnets were in the bed-room, and I would not let them get them, +put both fingers to my mouth, and kissed them saying, "That's touched +your cunt Matilda, that's touched yours Esther." Then I pulled out my +prick, and putting both fingers on it's tip said, "That's nearly the +same as if my prick had touched your cunt. +

+

+"Call the waiter Esther," said Matilda angrily. I had gone too far, so +I desisted, begged pardon, promised never to do it again, to give them +both new bonnets, and I dare say anything else, and they sat down, but +for a long time sulking, and almost silent. +

+

+But my humility and regrets overcame them, there was more chatting, more +laughing, more champagne. I got smutty again and now, they laughed at +it. "What nice legs, and what beautiful white linen you have Matilda." +"Mine is as white," said Esther. "Your legs are not as plump." "Yes they +are." I pinched their arms, then their legs, we all kissed, they were +both as randy as the devil, and incited me to smutty talk, though +affecting not to understand me. Then the champagne overcame us all. +

+

+"You want to piddle?" "Ooh!—oh! no." "Really? then you want to see +if your bonnets are all right, that's all,—I want to piddle though." +Saying that I went into the bed-room, pissed, and came back, taking the +key out of the door. Laughing the girls then went into the bed-room, and +closed the door. They were very noisy, and groggy, the eldest worse than +the other. +

+

+I listened at the door. "Lock the door Ess." "There's no key." "Stand +there, and hold it,—I'm bursting." "Don't he go on!—make haste, or +I'll pee myself." I pushed open the door suddenly, one was pushing her +clothes against her quim to dry it, the other on the pot, she let a loud +fart just as I opened the door. "Oh!" said she rising with difficulty. +"I'll wait till the music is over," said I going out,—but I returned +the next minute, and pulled out my prick again. "I'll fuck you both," +said I, and tried to put my hands up their clothes; when I got one the +other pulled me off, then I turned to her, and so on. We upset chairs, +we shreiked with laughter, it was Bedlam broke loose. I caught Matilda, +and threw her on her back on the bed. "Leave off now,—pull him away +Essie,—you're a going on too far,—oh! don't tickle,—oh! I can't bear +tickling." But I kept on. +

+

+The tickling made her screech. I threw up her clothes, for she was still +on her back on the bed, I didn't see her cunt, for I was between her +legs, and bent over her, lifted her legs, and pressed hard down on +her belly, her clothes on it which met mine, I gave a shove, having no +thought of doing anything but lewd mimickry of the act of copulation, +whilst Esther was tugging at my coat. Matilda shrieked, for my prick +went up her cunt, and out again before I knew where it was,—another +furious shriek. Frightened I had let go of her, she rolled off the bed, +and sat on the chair maudlin, and crying. +

+

+"What's the matter?" said Esther, "what's he done?" "Oh!" sobbed +Matilda, "where's my bonnet?—let's go,—I will go." "Stay,—be quiet." +"I won't,—I will go." The waiter just then came into the room begging +us not to make so much noise, as people were noticing it. Matilda crying +and angry, Esther questioning, Matilda telling Esther to put on her +things, or she would go without her, whilst there stood the French +waiter and a chamber-maid, wondering what the row was all about,—if +they had not heard, and did not guess it. +

+

+The girls were frightened, and I could not stop them. They had their +things on, and were out of the house in a few minutes, I went down with +them saying we would go to Vauxhall. The landlord stopped me. "Your bill +sir." I paid it, and when I got out could see the two girls nowhere. I +took a cab, drove here, there, and everywhere, but they were gone. +

+

+I came back towards the Haymarket, took the first woman I met, and went +to a house in C... d. n Street. Half-an-hour afterwards I went with +another; whilst with her I heard a merry-voiced woman in an adjoining +room, and without seeing her took a fancy to her. I dismissed my second +woman after fucking her, and enquired of the servant how long the lady +who was laughing had been in the adjoining room. She knew nothing, so I +waited door ajar, till I saw the woman leave, followed, and brought her +back, fucked her, and had not enough money to pay for riding home. +

+

+The more I think of that adventure the more extraordinary it seems; from +the time I threw Matilda on to the bed, till my prick had entered her +cunt, and got out again, I don't believe it could have occupied more +than a few seconds. She was heavy, I only just could lift her, and her +petticoats seemed but half-way up. She laughed loudly as I did so, and +when I leant over her with my prick out, I had not the remotest idea of +broaching her, nor that my prick might touch even her thighs; but she +must have been in the exact position, and her struggles brought her +notch down to the level, and my prick by mere chance drove a little way +up the hole; then her bum-wriggle threw me out instantly, and her yell +frightened me. Whether she was a virgin or not, or whether I hurt her +or not, I cannot say; could not even swear that my prick had entered her +cunt, but it felt like it; and why did she yell, then sulk, and go away +in a temper, if I had not somehow touched that slippery orifice? +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XL. +

+
+     Esther meets me.—Vauxhall.—Ex-harlot Sarah.—Esther
+     succumbs.—Big-arsed and bandy-legged.—Periodic fucking.—
+     Matilda invincible.—I part with Esther.—Her fortune.
+
+

+I wrote to Esther, who met me in the lane, she was in her airs. I +had quite forgotten myself she said, and had made them both drunk +purposely,—it was not like a gentleman,—I had acted very improper; she +would not recollect where my hand had been did not believe I had felt +her thighs, she was tipsy. That was the line the cunning jade took in a +dark lane. "Now don't be foolish, and run away when I tell you." "Well +I won't." Then I said something suggestive, and she got cosy with me. +"What was it you really did to Tilda?" "Nothing." "You did." "Ask her," +"She won't tell me, and she will never speak with you again." Truthfully +or not Esther declared she did not know what I had done to make her +sister holler out so. +

+

+"I'll give you a bonnet, and we will go to Vauxhall,—don't let your +sister know." I gave her the money, she agreed to meet me again, and +did, and again asked me what I had done to her sister. I would tell some +night when I slept with her. Then she would never know, for she would +never be in bed with me, or any one else, till she was married. +

+

+I progressed in the usual way, praised her big bum, guessed she had +fat thighs, etc. "You know I did feel them." No, she did not recollect. +After talking thus one night my prick was in stiffish form, and I put +her hand round it. She laid hold of it innocently, then snatched her +hand away violently. Then I did the old, old trick, promised a pair +of garters, if she would let me put them on,—in the dark of course. +"No,—no." "So help me God, I won't do more than put them on." Two +minutes after that my finger was on her split. This was all in the dark +lane. +

+

+I wonder what a girl of that class thinks of, hopes, expects when she +meets a gentleman on the sly. Does she expect he will fall in love, and +marry her?—does she know that he wants to fuck her?—does she like to +meet a man who has that intention, and long to hear smutty suggestions, +and baudy talk?—does she like the lustful feeling creeping over her, +as she stands by a randy man who is making lewd remarks? I imagine that +like the man, she is randy and wants to hear his baudy talk, to feel his +lips on hers, to hug him, to feel his hand wandering about her hidden +parts, that she meets him really for that purpose, just as much as he +meets her for the purpose. But they differ in this: he means to get her +if possible; she has made up her mind that whatever she may permit, he +shan't fuck her,—but she generally makes a mistake in that. +

+

+We went to Vauxhall, she told her mother she was going to the theatre +with Sarah and her husband (the woman who had said the bigger it was the +nicer it was), I was to take her to Sarah's when Vauxhall was over. I +gave her a lobster and champagne supper, she got spoony, I talked baudy, +she said it was abominable, this was all the Gardens. At length her +modesty broke. "Don't you want to piddle?" "I really do bad," said she +without hesitation. I took her to the ladies' place, and soon we left. +There were nice little houses not far from Vauxhall. I had been in the +afternoon, and paid for a room for the night to be sure of it, and took +her there. She would not go in till I said it was only to have another +glass of wine; but I believe she guessed what she was going in for. Then +I persuaded her to stop all night, the woman of the house was to call +us at six o'clock, so that she might get home early. She had made up her +mind to consent, and had no sham about it. I undressed her, tore my own +things off, threw myself on her, and with the first shove or two had +finished her virginity,—my prick went up with little difficulty. +

+

+We fucked all night, I revelled in her cunt. She was healthy, +full-blooded, randy-arsed, and spent like fun; we did it several times +before sleeping, then in the night, and awakened about eleven o'clock +next day. "Oh! my God," said she, "what will mother say,—I'm ruined." +"Well it's no use crying, you are in for it." A few tears, then a fuck, +a piddle, a wash,—and then refreshed we go through the ceremony, of +inspecting privates, and so fucking, looking, smelling, frigging, and +finger-stinking we lay till devilish hungry. Then we got up, and after +going to a chop-house and having food, I put her into a cab to go home. +I enjoyed myself much that night, a fresh cunt is always charming, and +there is such delight in killing modesty in a woman who has never been +fucked before; the struggle to get her to open her thighs to let you see +her cunt is in itself a delicious treat. +

+

+On the bed spunk lay in all directions, and over her chemise as well, +and there was the least smear of blood. I had pushed through something +tight to get into her, but it was an easy business, so easy that I +thought she had had cock before; but she was large cunted, the very +jagged, ragged tear was full size; her cunt-hair was dark, her bum was +one of the biggest for her height I have seen, it was out of proportion. +Her privates did not fascinate me, and when I had had her two or three +dozen times I grew tired of her. She was also bandy-legged, a thing I +never could bear in a woman. +

+

+She went to Sarah's that day, and remained there, her mother sent to +know why. Sarah said that Esther had had bowel attack after they came +home from the theatre, and her mother then went to see her. A girl +always looks ill after her first poking, and Esther had been fucked out, +so her mother was taken in. Her sister Matilda said she did not believe +it. +

+

+Sarah I found had been gay, and said she now was married; they did not +believe that, though they kept their disbelief to themselves, and only +Esther knew she had been gay, although all knew she had run away from +home. Sarah got her living by washing for Esther's mother. I heard some +funny things about her afterwards. +

+

+I could not get Esther to stop out again all night, but she met me often +enough, and became a baudy little bitch whose cunt much wanted feeding. +She told me the awful state of mind she and her sister were in at my +first overhearing them with the barrow; they had been talking of fucking +all that day, Sarah had begun it. Taking hold of some linen, "Oh! my," +she said, "look here, ain't they been a doing it!—-here is +waste." There was spunk on the linen. I heard a good deal of choice +washerwoman's talk from Esther afterwards, and found that it was not an +unusual thing for laundresses to joke about the semen they found on the +linen of their customers, and that if they found suspicious signs on +the man's linen, to give the lady of the house a hint to look after +her husband. Many a husband has I am sure been discovered to have had +illicit pleasure, or to have the ladies' favor through the hints of an +officious laundress. +

+

+I made Esther liberal presents, but didn't take her much to Vauxhall or +theatres, although she was constantly asking me to do so. I had taken +her to Vauxhall one night after I had first had her, and saw some one +there whom I should have been sorry to have seen me with Esther. We went +to the little snug, quiet accommodation house which had been the scene +of the slaughter of her virginity, and there fucked; sometimes we +walked instead of riding home, and when near the village, turning down +a secluded street, or lane, I set her back up against a fence, and had +her; then with her cunt buttered home she went alone. I took her once or +twice to the theatre, and for fear of being seen had a box; but I could +not afford those extravagances. Although not a bad-looking girl, and one +who would stir up sensations in a man's ballocks when he looked at her, +she was vulgar in appearance; and neither bonnets nor dress made any +improvement in her,—she was a washerwoman all over. +

+

+After she was well acquainted with two or three baudy houses I grew +tired of her, and quarrelled with her. One night I went to my mother's +who was ill; and as I passed the end of the lane where Esther lived saw +one or two young men and women larking. She and her sister sometimes +came to the end of the lane when their work was done, to see the people +going along the high-road, and to chat there with neighbours. The men +were chivying the girls, and Esther was one of them. I watched them from +a safe distance, heard laughing and screeching, and every now and then +one of the girls chased by a man darted down the dark lane, and I heard +a shriek. There was no light in the lane, and not much even in the +high-road from the feeble oil-lamps. I thought also that I saw Esther +kissed, she yelled and got away, but it seemed to me she much liked it. +For some reason all the wenches suddenly disappeared, and the men, +who were of the laboring class, leaned against the railings of the +public-house, and talked. I walked slowly by them, and heard one say, +"I felt her cunt the other night, so help me Gor." I did not know who he +spoke of, but I made up my mind it was Esther. +

+

+I wrote Esther to meet me, and then told her she had let a man feel her +cunt, and what I had seen and heard. She denied all cheekily, but got +confused when I told her what the man said. "I was in the lane," said I +afterwards, "and quite towards that end where I have felt you often,—I +hid, and I know he was feeling you there." It was a bare-faced lie of +mine, because I had gone away; but it was a hit. "He didn't," said she, +"though he tried." "I heard him say you felt his prick," said I lying +away again, "he went up the lane, and told that tall young man that, 'so +help his God', you had." "He wanted to make me, but I didn't,—he is +the greatest liar in the place. It was sneaking of you to be hiding like +that, and watching me," said she. +

+

+I wanted to fuck her, but she would not let me. She slanged me, said +I had deceived her, had said I would keep her, and lots of other +things,—and off she went. I took no notice for a fortnight, then went +to the lodgings of Sarah, and had a talk with her. Sarah said that +Esther was mad with me for not writing nor going to see her, and blamed +me for not "behaving handsome". "No other man has ever touched Esther," +said she, "you don't seem to care about her,—but there's plenty who +do,—there are two or three gents about who would be glad to be in your +place." +

+

+I had her again, then had a desire to get into her sister, and tried +several times to see Matilda, caught her standing with Esther in the +lane once or twice, but she bolted off directly I went up to her. Once +she opened the door to me at her cottage, and slammed it in my face. +I had not told Esther what had made Matilda cry out till that day, +and then I did. "It's a lie," said she, "you went up my sister +Matilda?—what a crammer!" "She might tell her sister," and she did. +Matilda said I was a liar, and that what I had done was to shove my +finger violently up her, and hurt her very much. Esther believed +her sister. Matilda was going to be married to the potman at the +public-house close by, I then heard. +

+

+After that Esther met me a few times, and her sister seemed much on her +mind; for she unvariably after she had felt my prick for a minute would +say, "And you mean to tell me it went right into Tilda?" "Yes right in." +"Oh! what a story,—it could not have been." I grew tired of her, and +she of me,—probably some other man had taken a fancy to her, so I gave +her ten pounds one night, told her I was going abroad, and would see +her on my return, but I never did. I saw her near my mother's house +two years afterwards with quite a genteel well-dressed young man, she +looking nice and fresh, but very vulgar. She saw me. Her eyes had a +painful expression in them, partly like fear, partly as if she were +going to cry; and then she dropped them. They passed me, I of course +not taking the slightest notice, but had a cock-stand, and felt jealous, +—such a funny thing is male nature. I never saw her afterwards, but saw +Sarah the washerwoman and ex-harlot, and gave her five shillings for a +chat about the two girls. Esther had gone off with a gent, Matilda had +married the potman, who had taken to drink, and used to "whop her." And +that is the end of my acquaintance with the two girls. +

+

+I had great difficulty in keeping Esther from knowing too much about me, +and used a false name, had letters sent to a post-office, and had to do +much lying. The oddest thing was that though so near my mother's house, +and though I passed her one day when walking with one of my married +sisters, she did not know I was often living there, and close by her +home; but she found it out just before I parted with her. She knew quite +well that the conversation when sitting on the barrow could only have +been heard from one of the garden-walls close by the barrow; but I would +not at first tell her which. My real name I don't think she ever knew, +though I am not sure of that.. +

+

+Curiosity made me call on ex-harlot Sarah, who lived in one room, and +whilst talking I put my hand up her petticoats, on to her cunt. She +laughed, opened her thighs wide, and said, "I knowed yer would," and she +looked as if a fuck would have gratified her,—but I did not attempt it. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XII. +

+
+     Preliminary.—My taste for beauty of form.—Sarah Mavis.—
+     Midday in the Quadrant.—No. 13 J... s Street.—A bargain in
+     the hall.—A woman with a will.—Fears about my size.—
+     Muck.—Cold-blooded.—Tyranny.—My temper.—Submission.—A
+     revolt.—A half-gay lady.—Sarah watches me.—A quarrel.—
+     Reconciliation.
+
+

+I must go back a year or more before the night when I last had +Kitty with the yellow hair and yellow motte, to tell the story of my +acquaintance with a woman of whom I have little to tell, considering +that she more or less is included in the history of my amours for nearly +four years, and who will appear more than once some years after that. A +word about my sensuous temperament first. +

+

+I had early a taste for beauty of female form. Face had for me of course +the usual attraction, for beauty of expression always speaks to the soul +of a man first. A woman's eyes speak to him before she opens her mouth, +and instinctively (for actual knowledge only comes to him in his maturer +years) he reads in them liking, dislike, indifference, voluptuousness, +desire, sensuous abandonment, or fierce reckless lust. +

+

+All these feelings can be seen in a woman's eyes alone, for they express +and move with every feeling, every passion, pure or sensual. They can +beget in the male pure love as it is called, which is believed to be +so till experience teaches that however pure it may be, it cannot exist +without the occasional help of a burning throbbing, stiff prick, up +a hot, wide-stretched cunt, and a simultaneous discharge of spermatic +juices from both organs. The rest of a woman's body, the breasts and +limbs, can move lust unaccompanied by love, and if once admiration of +them begins lust follows instantly. A small foot, a round, plump leg and +thigh, and a fat backside speak to the prick straight. Form is in fact +to most, more enticing, and creates a more enduring attachment in men of +mature years, than the sweetest face. A plain woman with fine limbs and +bum, and firm, full breasts will (unless her cunt be an ugly gash) draw +a man to her where the prettiest-faced Miss will fail. Few men, unless +their bellies be very big, or they be very old, will keep long to a bony +lady whose skinny buttocks can be held in one hand. I early had a +taste for female form, it was born with me. Even when a boy I selected +partners for dancing because they were what I called crummy, and admired +even at one time a fat-arsed middle-aged woman who sold us bull's eyes, +because I had caught her exhibiting large legs when squatting down to +piss. For years I had had at the period named, two friends, one of whom +was a sculptor, who alas! drank himself to death; and one a painter +still living as I write this. I had been in their studios, seen their +naked models, heard their opinions on both male and female beauty, +and had the various points of female perfection shown me on the +lady-sitters. I had them explained in two instances by the ladies +themselves, in private sittings, and with them I had sexual pleasures +which they said the artists had neither got out of them nor given them. +I had myself sketched from the nude, and was thought a not bad hand +at it, and had therefore by training, instinct, and a most voluptuous +temperament become a good judge of beauty of female form. +

+

+I did not write the above paragraphs, when I wrote what follows about +Sarah Mavis, they are added now many years afterwards, when I am +wondering at what I did in those early days, marvelling at my judgment +in selection, and seeking the reasons which guided me then in getting +for my sexual embraces, as many modes of female beauty of form, as +perhaps any one Englishman ever had,—short of a prince. +

+

+One Summer's morning about midday, I was in the Quadrant. It had been +raining, and the streets were dirty. In front of me I saw a well-grown +woman walking with that steady, solid, well-balanced step which I even +then knew indicated fleshy limbs, and a fat backside. She was holding +her petticoats well up out of the dirt, the common habit of even +respectable women then. With gay ladies the habit was to hold them up +just a little higher. I saw a pair of feet in lovely boots which seemed +perfection, and calves which were exquisite. I fired directly. Just +by Beak Street she stopped, and looked into a shop. "Is she gay?" I +thought. "No." I followed on, passed her, then turned round, and met her +eye. She looked at me, but the look was so steady, indifferent, and with +so little of the gay woman in her expression, that I could not make up +my mind as to whether she was accessible or not. +

+

+She turned back and went on without looking round. Crossing Tichborne +Street she raised her petticoats higher, it was very muddy there. I then +saw more of both legs, my prick stood at the sight of her limbs, and +settled me. I followed quickly, saying as I came close, "Will you come +with me?" She made no reply, and I fell behind. Soon she stopped +again at a shop, and looked in, and again I said, "May I go with +you?" "Yes,—where to?" "Where you like,—-I will follow you." Without +replying a word, and without looking at me, without hurrying, she walked +steadily on till she entered the house No. 13 J...s Street, which I +entered that day for the first time, but many hundreds of times since. +Her composure, and the way she stopped from time to time to look at +the shops as she went along astonished me: she seemed in no hurry, nor +indeed conscious that I was close at her heels, though she knew it. +

+

+Inside the house she stopped at the foot of the staircase, and turning +round said in a low tone, "What are you going to give me?" "Ten +shillings." "I won't go upstairs then, so tell you at once." "What +do you want?" "I won't let any one come with me unless they give me a +sovereign at least." "I will give you that." Then she mounted, nothing +more being said. Asking me the question at the foot of the stairs +astonished me, I had been asked it in a room often before, and in the +street; but at the foot of a staircase,—never. +

+

+We entered a handsome bed-room. Turning round after paying for it, and +locking the door, I saw her standing with her back to the light (the +curtains were down, but the room was nevertheless light), one arm +resting on the mantle-piece. She looked at me fixedly, and I did at her. +Then I recollect noticing that her mouth was slightly open, and that she +looked seemingly vacantly at me (it always was so), that she had a black +silk dress on, and a dark-colored bonnet. Then desire impelled; I went +close to her, and began to lift her clothes. She pushed them down in a +commanding way saying, "Now none of that." +

+

+"Oh! here is your money," said I gutting down a sovereign on the +mantle-piece. She broke into a quiet laugh. "I did not mean that," +she remarked. "Let me feel you." "Get away," said she impatiently, and +turning she took off her bonnet. I then saw she had thick and nearly if +not quite black hair, and recollect that I noticed these points just +in the order I have narrated them. Then she leaned her arm on the +mantle-piece again, and looked at me quietly, her mouth slightly open, +and I stood looking at her without speaking, my sperm fermenting in +my balls; but I was slightly bothered, almost intimidated by her cold +manner,—-a manner so unlike what I usually met with in strumpets. +

+

+"You have beautiful legs." "So they say." "Let me see them." She laid +down on the sofa, her back to the light, without uttering a word. I +threw off coat and waistcoat, and sitting at the foot of the sofa threw +up her dress to her knees; higher I tried, but she resisted. Then +my fingers felt her cunt, and the delight of the feel and sight of her +beautiful limbs overwhelmed me. "Take off your things,—let me see you +undressed,—you must be exquisite." My hands roved all about her bum, +belly and thighs, and just seeing the flesh above her garters I fell +to kissing it, and kissed upwards till the aroma of her cunt met my +nostrils, and its thicket met my lips and mingled with my moustache, +which I then wore, though so few men then did. I fell on my knees by +the side of her, kissing, feeling, and smelling; but she kept her thighs +close together, and pushed her petticoats over my head whilst I kissed, +so that I saw but little of her beauties. +

+

+Then excited almost to madness by my amusement I rose up. "Oh! come +to the bed,—come." She lay quite still. "No,—do it here,—leave me +alone,—I won't have my clothes pulled up,—I won't be pulled about,—if +you want it have me, and have done." "Well get on to the bed." "I +shan't." "I can't do it on the sofa." "Well I'm going then." "You shan't +till I have had you,—only let me see your thighs." "There then,"—and +up went her clothes half-way. "Higher," "I shan't." Now my prick was +out. "Get on the bed,—I won't do it here,—take your things off." +"I shan't." "You shall." All was said by her in a determined way, but +without signs of temper. +

+

+She rose without saying another word, I think I see now as I write, her +exquisite legs in beautiful silk stockings as they showed when getting +off the sofa, and getting on to the bed. "But I want your clothes off." +"I won't take them off, I'm in a hurry,—I never do." "Oh! you must." +"I won't,—now come and do what you want to do,—I'm in a hurry." She +lifted her clothes just high enough to show the fringe of her cunt, and +opened her thighs a little. I thrilled with lewd delight as I saw them, +and mounted her, laid between them, and inserted my prick. Ah! at my +first shove almost I was spending in her. +

+

+"Oh! lay quiet dear, I've only been up you a second." "No,—get off, +and let me wash." I resisted, but she uncunted me, and got off the bed +quickly. "Now don't come near while I wash,—I can't bear a man looking +at me washing myself." I insisted, for I was longing to see the form I +had scarcely yet had a glimpse of. Putting down the basin she pulled the +bed-curtains round her to hide her whilst she slopped her quim. I would +not be rude, and saw nothing. Then on went her bonnet. "Are you going +first, or I?" said she. "I shall wait as long as you will." "Then I will +go first,"—and she was going away when I stopped her. +

+

+"When will you again meet me?" "Oh! when out at all, I am up to one +o'clock in Regent Street." "Where do you live?" "I shan't say,—good +bye." "No,—wait,—come to me this afternoon." "I can't." "This +evening." She hesitated. "I can't stay long if I do." "Well an hour and +a half." "Perhaps." "Will you take off your clothes then?" "No,—good +bye, I am in a hurry." "Meet me at seven o'clock to-night.—do." "No." +"At eight then." "Well I will be here expecting you,—but I shan't stop +long." "Will you let me see your form up to your waist?" "Oh! I hate +being looked at,"—and off she went, leaving me in the room. +

+

+I dined at my Club, and was in a fever of lust all day. "Will she come?" +for she had only half promised. Half-an-hour before the time I was at +the house, and had the same room again. It was handsome throughout, had +a big four-post bed with handsome hangings (this was thirty years ago +mind) on one side of the room on another side by a partition was a +wash-hand stand of marble, against the wall on the opposite side a large +glass just at the level of the bed; at the foot of the bed a large +sofa opposite to the fire; over the chimney-piece a big glass sloping +forwards, so that those sitting or lying on the sofa could see +themselves reflected in it; in the angle of the room by the windows a +big cheval-glass which could be turned in any direction, two easy-chairs +and a bidet, the hangings were of red damask, two large gas-burners +were over the chimney-piece angles. It was the most compact, comfortable +baudy house bed-room I have perhaps ever been in, although by no means a +large room. They charged seven and six for its use, and twenty shillings +for the night. Scores of times I have paid both fees. I noticed all +this, and that a couple could see their amatory amusements on the bed, +on the sofa, or anyhow in fact, by aid of the cheval and other glasses. +I was delighted with the room, but in a fever of anxiety lest the lady +should not come. I walked about with my prick out, seeing how I looked +in the glasses, laid on the bed, and noticed how it looked in the +side-glass, squatted on the sofa, glorying in the sight of my balls and +stiff-stander. Then I had a sudden fear that she would think my prick +small; what put it into my head I never could exactly say, I used when +at school to fancy mine was smaller than that of other boys, and some +remark of a gay woman about its size made me most sensitive on the +topic. I was constantly asking the women if my prick was not smaller +than other men's. When they said it was a very good size,—as big as +most,—I did not believe them, and I used when I pulled it out, to say +in an apologetic tone, "Let's put it up, there's not much of it." "Oh! +it's quite big enough," one would say. "I've seen plenty smaller," would +say another. But still the idea clung to me, that it was not a prick +to be in any way proud of,—which was a great error. But I have told of +this weakness more than once before, I think. +

+

+I recollect well that night fearing she would think my prick +contemptible, and it pained me much, for I was hooked, although I did +not know it. I brushed my hair, and made myself inviting with a desire +to please her, without thinking that I was taking the trouble to do so +for a woman who was going to be fucked for twenty shillings, and whom I +now know did not then care how I looked, or who I was, long as she +got her money as soon as she could, and got rid of me to make way for +another man, or to go and spend what she had earned. +

+

+She did not keep her time. I kept listening, and peeping out as I heard +footsteps and saw couples bent on sexual pleasure going up the stairs, +and heard them overhead walking about. This and the excitement at the +recollection of my instantaneous spend between her magnificent thighs, +my pulling about my prick and contemplating it in the glass, the moving +about of the various couples made me in such a state of randiness that I +could scarcely keep from frigging. A servant who had noticed my peeping +came in, and begged I would not look out, for customers did not like it. +Did they know where my lady lived? and would they send for her? They did +not. Then the servant came to say I had been an hour in the room,—did I +mean to wait any longer? I knew what that meant, and was about to say I +would pay for the room twice, when I heard a heavy, slow tread, and the +lady's face appeared. +

+

+I grumbled at her delay, she took my complaints quietly, she could not +come earlier, was all she said. She pulled off her bonnet, put it on the +chair, turned round, leaned her arm on the mantle-piece, and stared at +me again in a half-vacant way with her mouth slightly open, just as in +the morning. I gave her very little time to stare, for I had my hand on +her cunt in no time, and nearly spent in my trowsers as I touched it. +She tried the same game,—she would not be pulled about,—she would not +let her cunt be looked at,—if I meant to do it, do it, and have +done with it. My blood rose. "I'd be damned if I would,—nor pay, nor +anything else unless she took her gown off. So she took it off laughing, +and laid down on the sofa. Not on the bed. No she would not. Then damned +if I would do it (though I was nearly bursting). Again she laughed, and +then got on to the bed. I saw breasts of spotless purity, and exquisite +shape, bursting out over the corset, threw up the petticoats, saw the +dark hair at the bottom of the belly, and the next instant a thrust, +a moment's heaving,—quietness,—another thrust,—a sigh,—a gush of +sperm,—and again I had finished with but a minute's complete sexual +enjoyment only. +

+

+"Get up." "I won't" "Let me wash the muck out." "No."—and I pinned +her down, squeezed to her belly, grasped her haunches. "I've not done +spending." "Yes you have." A wriggle and a jerk, and I was uncunted +and swearing. She sat down on the basin, I stooped down, tore aside the +curtains, and put my hand on to her gaping cunt. She tried to rise, and +pushed me,—I pushed her. She tilted on one side, her bum caught the +edge of the basin, and upset the water. +

+

+"Damn you," said she,—then she laughed and got up. I pushed her against +the side of the bed, and again got my fingers on the cunt,—slippery +enough it was. "You're one of those beasts, are you?" said she. +

+

+"I've never felt your cunt properly, and I will." "Well let me wash it, +and you shall." She did so, I felt it, and then begged for another fuck. +

+

+"You are not in a hurry." "Yes I am." "You said you would give me an +hour and a half." "Yes, but you have done me, and what is the good +of keeping me?" "I mean to do it again." "Double journey double pay." +"Nonsense,—you so excited me, that I've never had a proper poke yet." +"Well that is no fault of mine." She laughed, and turned questioner. "Do +you often have the women from Regent Street?" "Yes." "Do you know many?" +"Yes, I vary so." "Ah! you are fond of change,—I thought so,"—and she +got talkative after that. I had thought her almost a dummy. +

+

+Meanwhile I was gloating over her charms, her beautiful arms, the lovely +breasts I now played with, the lovely limbs I saw, for she had sat down +in the most enticing position with the ankle of one foot resting on +the knee of the other leg. I wanted to pull the clothes higher up the +thighs, she resisted, but I saw the beautiful ankles, the tiny boots +and feet, the creamy flesh of the thigh just above the garter, thighs +thickening, folding over, squeezing together, and hiding her cunt from +view when I tried to look up. +

+

+I had hid my prick, the fear had come over me of her thinking it small, +and that prevented it standing again. An hour ran away. "I'm going," +said she rising. My prick stood at the instant. "Let me." "Make haste +then." As she stood up I put my hand up her petticoats. She put her hand +down, and gave my prick a hard squeeze. I hollowed,—she laughed. +

+

+"I've a good mind not to let you,—you've been so long,—but you may do +it." She got on to the bedside. "Oh! for God's sake don't move,—that +attitude is exquisite." One leg was well on the bed, the petticoats were +squeezed up, and the leg on the ground from the boot-heel to about four +inches above her garter was visible. She was half turning round, her +lovely breasts, or rather one of them showed half-front, and with +her head looking round at me as she was moving, it altogether made a +ravishingly luscious picture. I put my hands up from behind between her +thighs. That broke the spell, she moved on to the bed directly,—I on to +her. +

+

+"Oh! God you are heavenly, lovely,—oh! God my darling,—oh!" I was +spending and kissing her too quickly again; lust almost deprived me of +my pleasure. In a dozen shoves I was empty. It was all over. +

+

+"How quietly you stood in that attitude," said I. "I can stand in an +attitude nearly five minutes without moving, almost without showing that +I am breathing, without winking an eye." I thought nothing of this at +the time, excepting that it was brag. +

+

+"Give me five shillings, for I have been a long time with you,—I've a +reason,—I won't ask you again." I gave it her. "Shall you be in Regent +Street to-morrow morning?" "Yes." +

+

+I was in Regent Street, met her, and had her you may be sure, and +repeated these meetings for a week daily, and sometimes twice a day; but +got no more than the shortest time with her, the quickest fuck, a rapid +uncunting. She did not spend with me, and showed no signs of pleasure, +scarcely took the trouble to move her bum, would not undress, would not +let me look at her cunt. I submitted to it, for I was caught, but did +not know that then,—she did. That is she knew that I was damnably lewd +upon her, and used that knowledge to suit her convenience. I had no +right to grumble at it. I need not have had her, had I not liked upon +those terms. But I did. At length I grumbled, and at last almost had a +quarrel. "I won't see you again," said I. "No one asks you," said she. +

+

+As my means were not large, and my purse grew rather empty, I was glad +to keep away a few days. Then again I saw her in Regent Street; and +after giving her the wink followed her. She walked on, but instead of +going to the house, passed the end of the street. On she went, I went +close to her, it was the second time I had spoken to her in the street. +"Oh! I did not understand you," she said, "besides I'm in a hurry." "Oh! +do come." "Well I can't stop five minutes." "Nonsense." "Well then I +can't,"—and she went on walking. My prick got the better of my temper. +"Well come back." She turned round, and bent her way to J...s Street, +saying, "Don't let us go in together." +

+

+When in the house she got on to the bed without a moment's delay. I +had her, and she was out of the house again in less than ten minutes, +leaving me in a very angry state of mind; but she promised to meet me +the following night if she could, and to stay longer with me. +

+

+She came an hour late, and found me fretting and fuming in the bed-room. +They did not hurry me now at that house, I being already known there, +and gave me whenever they could the same chamber. "I'm in a great +hurry," were the first words Sarah said. "Why you told me you would stay +longer." "Yes,—I am sorry, but I can't." "You never can,—but take +off your gown." "I really can't,—have me at the side of the bed,—you +wanted it so the other day." "No I won't." "Then I'll get on the +bed,"—and on she got. +

+

+I tried to open her legs, to turn her round to see her bum (I had +never seen it yet properly). No she would not undress, she would do +nothing,—I might have it her way, or leave it alone and go. How green +it was to submit to all this. +

+

+I lost my temper, for my delight I saw was in her lovely form, in her +physical beauty; whilst she seemed to think that the only joy I could +have was to spend in her cunt as fast as I could. "I won't have you at +all," said I getting resolute at last. "All right," said she getting off +the bed, "I'm really in a hurry,—another night I will." "Another night +be damned—you are nearly a bilk,—there,"—and I threw the sovereign on +a table, and put on my hat. "Are you going?" "Yes, I'm going to get some +woman who is not ashamed of her cunt." "Go along then." Off I went. +When halfway down the stairs I heard her calling to me to come back, but +savage I went off. +

+

+I walked up Regent Street savage with her, and with myself too, for not +having had my fuck, even if she had gone away a minute afterwards. Randy +as the devil I saw a woman at the corner of the Circus, and accosted +her, she turned away, I accosted her again. "Will you come with +me?" "Yes if you like." "Do you know a house about here?" "No I'm a +stranger." Then I took her to J... s Street, had her two or three times +and toyed with her a long time, stopping till she would stop no longer, +saying she should be locked out if she was not off. She was only +half-gay I think, and wanted a fuck. I had just offered myself in time. +She was a biggish woman of about thirty years of age. After I had fucked +her the first time, we laid on the bed together; she played with my +prick till it was stiff again, and then turning on to her back said, +"Come on,—let's have it again." +

+

+I thought much of my fine-limbed Sarah Mavis, but it was with anger. A +fuck for ten shillings was all very well when randy, but even when in a +hurry I never was satisfied till I had pulled the cunt open, and given +it a general inspection, although it was generally but a rapid one in +those days. If I had the same woman again another day, it was because +I liked her and liked to talk to her, for I always found them more +complaisant the longer I knew them. But here had I been having a woman +daily, and sometimes twice a day, mainly because she was so exquisite in +form (for I had some idea even then that her cunt was not a good fit +to my prick;) yet I had never seen her cunt; nor her backside, nor her +bubbies, nor her arm-pits,' nor her navel, nor anything properly, and so +I determined not to have her again, and to dismiss her from my mind. But +I was hooked. +

+

+To economize I again went with cheap women, and seemed to get just as +nice women for ten shillings as I did for twenty; but I had taken a +liking for the house in J...s Street, which was an expensive one, and +liked the best room, and took my cheap women to my dear room. One +woman said, "Well you might give me a little more, and have a cheaper +room,—the room gets nearly as much as you give me." And I saw a woman +there one night pocket the comb, and a piece of soap,—she stole them. +I heard in pleasant conversation afterwards, that soap and combs were +often stolen by women,—especially soap. +

+

+About a fortnight afterwards I saw my Venus again, and again was +closetted with her. I could resist my desire for her no longer, for +having never ceased thinking of her even when fucking other women. She +was just as calm, but there was a little, quiet spite about her. When +she had taken off her bonnet, and looked at me for a minute with her +mouth open as usual, she said, "I suppose you have been having other +women." I can't tell why it was, but I lied, and said "no." "What did +you go upstairs with one for?" said she, "the night after you left +me,—I was in the parlour, and peeping through the door saw you and +the woman who stumbled at the foot of the stairs" (which was the fact). +"Well I did," I replied, "and saw her cunt,—and that's more than I ever +saw of yours." "You've seen as much as you will." Putting on my hat +in rage, "Then I may as well go,—here is your money,"—and I +turned towards the door. "Don't be a fool," said she, "what do you +want?—what do all you men want?—you are all beasts alike,—you're +never satisfied." She was angry. "Don't be in a hurry, and let's see +your precious cunt." I recollect saying that very distinctly, being +angry,—and that up to that time I had been chaste in my remarks. I was +at that time of my life not at all lewd or strong in word with women +when we first met, but was somewhat less so so soon as I warmed, and +only when randy to the highest degree or by fits and starts, spiced my +conversation highly with lewd expressions. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XIII. +

+
+     Sarah's complaisance.—Mistress Hannah.—About Sarah.—
+     Sexual indifference.—After dinner.—Stark naked at last.—
+     Her form.—The scar.—Hannah's friendship.—The baudy house
+     parlour.—The Guardsman.—Sarah's greed.—A change in her
+     manner.—A miscarriage.—Going abroad.—I am madly in
+     love.—Sarah's history.
+
+

+She laughed. "Well I will,—but don't make me undress,—I'm in a hurry." +"Of course,—you always are." She laid on the sofa, and pulled up her +clothes,—she was yielding. "No,—come here." She came, and laid on the +side of the bed. At length I saw those glorious thighs open wider, the +dark-shaded crack with the swelling lips showed itself more freely than +I had ever seen it before. I dropped on my knees, and propping up one of +her feet with my hand, lifted the leg so that the thighs distended, and +a large bit of crimson nymphae began to show, the faint but delicious +odour of her cunt stole up my nostrils, my lips closed on her gap, and +kissed it lecherously, my brain whirled as my nose rubbed in the thicket +of dark hair, and my lip touched her clitoris. I know nothing more +excepting that I was up her as she laid there, and spending as quickly +as ever, before I had in fact well plugged her. "Are you satisfied?" +said she as she looked up from washing her cunt by the side of me. "No, +it's so quick,—you fetch me so quickly." "That is no fault of mine." +She had said so often before. I recollect all these apparently trivial, +these various feelings and circumstances, as well as if it were +yesterday, for she had made her mark on me. +

+

+I had partly conquered, and saw my victory. "I like seeing you so," +said I, "but won't see you, or any other woman who won't let me see her +charms, and who is always in such a hurry,—it would be all very well if +I saw you for the first time—(why you have a new black silk dress on." +"Yes, I bought it with your money," said she),—"but for a regular friend +as I am, it is unsupportable." I conquered more, and subsequently, told +her that I might be in Regent Street one day, but I did not go there +(I had made no promise). She said she went out against her will to see +me,—could I write to say when she was to meet me? No,—but I could +write to the baudy house, and they would send on the letter. I called +there one morning, and left a letter. The Mistress was a shortish +sandy-haired woman about thirty years old, with a white face; she looked +very fixedly at me, and smiled. She would send on the letter to Miss +Sarah Mavis which I found was the name she went by; but Sarah never came +to my letter, and I paid for the room for nothing. Then I sent for the +Mistress; had a bottle of champagne with her, and she opened her heart +a little, she was soon a little screwed, and this was what she told me. +Her name was Hannah. +

+

+She had not known Miss Mavis long,—only a month or so before she had +come in with me,—did not often see her now excepting with me. Mavis had +been asking if I had been seen in the house with any other woman, "and +of course I did not tell her," said Sandyhead. She thought her a nice +woman, and had struck up acquaintance with her. Now she often came +into the parlour to chat with her when I had left, or before she came +upstairs to me, when I was at the house before my appointed time. +

+

+Things went on thus for a little time longer, Sarah doing much as she +liked, but certainly becoming more complaisant. She stopped longer, we +began to talk; I was of course curious about her, she about me, I dare +say she got much out of me, I but little out of her. What I mainly +learned was that she only came on the streets occasionally, and from +about eleven to one o'clock in the day,—never afterwards; and when she +had sufficient money to "go on with," as she said, she came not out at +all. "I hate it," said she, "hate you men,—you are all beasts,—you're +never satisfied unless you are pulling a woman about in all manner of +ways." "It pleases us," said I, "we admire you so." "Well it does not +please me,—I want them to do what they have to do, and let me go." "Why +don't you go out in the afternoon or evening?" "No, I get my money in +the morning, and have other things to do the rest of the day." +

+

+She had not been gay long,—not more than a month before I had met +her,—was taken to the house in J... s Street by the first man who met +her in the streets, and had been there often since. No she never had +been gay before, she would swear, and often wished she were dead rather +than have to come out, and let men pull her about, and put their nasty +muck into her,—"nasty muck" was always the pleasant way in which she +spoke of a man's sperm. +

+

+"One would think you never cared about a poke,—I wonder how often you +spend." "Oh! it's all the same to me whether I have it, or whether I +don't,—if I do it once a fortnight it's as much as I care about,—you +beasts of men seem to think of nothing else, and you leave us poor women +all the trouble that comes from putting your muck into us." "What the +devil do you care about?" said I after a chat with her one day, in which +she had just said what I have narrated. "Oh! I don't care about anything +much." +

+

+Another day she said, "I like a nice dinner, and then a read in an +arm-chair, till I go to sleep, or a nice bit of supper, and to get into +bed,—I'm so tired of a night, I like to get to bed early if I can." We +went on talking about eating and drinking; she told me what she liked, +and what she disliked with much gusto and earnestness. "I'll give you +a good dinner", said I, "and we will come here afterwards." "Will you?" +"Yes,—but I won't unless I have you three hours here." "Impossible,—I +dare not be out after half-past ten." "Come early." "I can't come very +early, for I must be home in the afternoon." There were all sorts of +obstacles,—so many that I gave it up, not going to be humbugged. But +she would not give it up, and it was arranged that if she might name +the evening, she would be with me at six o'clock, and stay with me till +ten,—an immense concession,—it was the dinner that did it. I saw she +was fond of her stomach, and that made me offer the dinner as a bait. +

+

+She would not come in after me to the restaurant, I was to meet her at +the corner of St. Martin's lane in a cab, and go with her,—and so it +came off. We went to the Cafe de P..v...e in Leicester square, I had +already ordered a private room, and a nice dinner. My God how she +enjoyed it! "It's a long time since I've had such a good dinner", said +she, "but never mind, better times are coming again for me, I feel +sure." She ate largely, she drank well, and to my astonishment when I +got up to kiss her, she kissed me in return, and gave my piercer the +slightest possible pinch outside my trowsers. "Let's feel you," said I. +Equally astonished was I when she said, "Bolt the door, the waiter may +be in,"—and then I had a grope, and she felt my prick. "Let's go—let's +go,—I am dying for you." Off we went arm in arm. Directly we were well +away from the Cafe she let go my arm. "You go first, and I will follow." +I thought she was going to cheat me. "I dare not be seen walking arm in +arm with a man,—but I will follow." In five minutes we were in the room +together. Sarah Mavis was just in the slightest degree elevated, and +perhaps more than slightly lewd. +

+

+To pull off my things, to help her off with hers partially was the work +of a minute. "I must piddle first,—champagne always makes me want to +piddle so." "Does it make you randy?" "Oh! Lord it does sometimes; but +it's such a time since I tasted it before tonight, I almost forget." +"Are you so now?" "Oh! I don't know,—come on the bed," said she. She +opened her thighs wide, she let me grope and smell, and kiss, and see. +"Come on,—do." Instinct told me she wanted it, I embraced her, and +was enjoying her, when she clasped me firmly, sought my mouth. "Oh! my +darling, I'm co—-com—h—hing," said she spending as she cried out, and +fetched me at the same instant. It was the first time she had ever spent +with me. +

+

+We laid in heavenly quietness, prick and cunt in holy junction, +distilling, slobbering, and bedewing each other's mouths and privates, +whilst the soft voluptuous pleasure was creeping through our limbs, +bodies, and senses. She was in no hurry to wash out the muck. "Oh! I'm +chocking," said she after a time, "get off." "I won't." "Oh! do,—my +stays choke me when I lie down after food,—I'm almost suffocated." I +held fast. "If I get off, you won't let me do it again." "Yes,—yes I +will." She jerked my prick out of her cunt, I got to the side of the +bed, she sat up, and was about to get off, when I stopped her, and +together we undid her stays, and took them off. "Let me wash now." "No +you shan't,—I've never yet fucked with my first sperm in you,—let me +now, there is a darling." She laughed, and fell back; then for a few +minutes we kissed and toyed. Her magnificent breasts were now free, I +buried my face between them, and kissed them rapturously; her moistened +quim I felt, and it drove me wild with desire; so gluing my mouth to +hers I mounted her, and we were soon in Elysium again, Sarah enjoying +her fuck in a way I thought from her cold-blooded manner previously +she was quite incapable of,—and there we laid, nestling cock and cunt +together, till a slight sleep or doze overtook both of us. +

+

+In a minute or two Sarah sprang up, and rushed to the basin. I lay +still, contemplating her, and saying I would not wash my prick for a +week, so that I might retain in the roots and its moistened fringe our +mixed juices, the remnants of our first spend together. When she had +washed she laid down by the side of me. "Let's have a nap," said she. +The wine seemed to be getting into her head more and more, though she +was but in the slightest degree fuddled. +

+

+I could not sleep. The sight of her breasts relieved from her stays, the +free manner in which she let her petticoats lay half up her thighs, the +delight at finding her take pleasure in my embraces, exulted me beyond +measure. I joked and tickled her. "Let's see you naked." "You shan't." +"Well stand up, and let me see your limbs naked,—take off your +petticoats, even if you keep your chemise on." She was yielding, took +petticoats off, but would do no more. I had seen more than any other +man, and she would do no more, she said. The wine had evaporated, and +she was herself again, quiet, composed. +

+

+Maddened with desire. "I'll give you a sovereign," I said, "to take +the chemise off." "Will you!" "Yes." "No I won't." "I'll give you two." +"What can you want to see more for?" "Hang it, take the money, and +let me, or I'll rip it off without paying." I closed with her, and +struggled, pulled the chemise up above her haunches, pulled it down +below her breasts, tore it. "Now don't,—I won't have it," said she +getting angry, "it won't please you if I do,—you will not like to see +me half as well afterwards, I tell you." "Yes I shall,—here is the +money,—now let me see you naked, I'll give you three sovereigns." +

+

+She pushed me away, and sat down. "Where is the money?" said she. I +gave it her. "I've got an ugly scar,—I don't like it seen." "Never +mind,—show it." Slowly she dropped the chemise, and stood in all her +naked beauty, and pointing to a scar just below her breasts, and about +four inches above her navel, "There," said she, "is it not ugly?—does +it not spoil me!—how I hate it!" +

+

+I told her no,—that she was so beautiful, that it mattered not. Yet +ugly it was. A seam looking like a piece of parchment which had been +held close to a fire and crinkled, and then glazed, star-shaped, white, +and as big as a large egg lay between her breasts and her navel. It was +the only defect on one of the most perfect and beautiful forms that God +ever had created. +

+

+"There," said she covering it up, "you won't want me naked again,—now +I dare say you don't like me as much." Yes I did. "Do you?" "Yes." She +came and kissed me. I often had her as naked as she was born afterwards. +

+

+"What is the time?" "Ten o'clock." "I must go." "Another poke." "Make +haste then." We had it. "Oh! now don't keep me,—if I'm not home by +half-past ten I shall be half murdered." She had let expressions like +that drop more than once; but I got no explanation excepting that she +lived with her father and mother,—and at that time I believed it. +

+

+At the next meeting she had her old quiet manner, her old "keep your +distance" was attempted; but it was impossible. A woman must always +give again what she has once given, she cannot help it. Then came more +dinners, but she was more cautious now in what she ate and drank, less +reckless in her embraces of me; but we were closer acquaintances than +we had been; she let me pull her about more freely and as a matter of +course, washed her quim without hiding herself for that operation, and +so on,—yet still she held me at a great distance, and was reserved. She +conquered me, in a degree. +

+

+In fact she did pretty well what she liked with me; saw me when she +liked, stopped with me as long as she thought proper, let me fuck her +just as often as she liked, and no more (and it was rarely she let me +do that more than once a day), see to her knees, or to her cunt, or pull +her about just in the degree she for the time thought fit to permit. I +grumbled, said I would see more complaisant women. "Well I might if I +liked,"—but I did not. Her indifference to sexual pleasure chilled and +annoyed me and for a reason I never could understand, her cunt never +seemed quite to fit me, nor fetch me with the voluptuousness that scores +of other women have done. Yet I saw her almost exclusively for three +years, and when she gave herself up to pleasure with me, my delight was +unbounded; when she let me have her with her cunt unwashed after our +first copulation, I thought of it for days afterwards. Altogether +she had her way with me in a manner I did not see, and have only +comprehended since. +

+

+This went on for some months. Whether she had other male friends or not +I don't know, but I never found her in Regent Street or other places +where I had once been able to find her, after I began to see her +regularly, and have reason to think that she ceased casuals after she +had me, and perchance another, that is all. Hannah said often at a +future day that I was her only friend. +

+

+I have not yet described her. She was of perfect height for a woman, say +five feet seven, her form from her chin to her toe-nails was faultless, +if anything inclining to too much flesh, and to too great a backside; +but then I liked flesh, and a woman's bum could not be too big for me. I +used to rub my lips and cheeks over her bum for a quarter of an hour at +a time, when she condescended to turn it upwards for so long a time for +that worship. Handsome her face certainly was, but it was of a somewhat +heavy character: her eyes were dark, soft, and vague in expression which +together with the habit of leaving her lips slightly open, gave her a +thoughtful, and at times half-vacant look. Her nose was charming and +retroussé, her mouth small, with full lips, and a delicious set of +very small white teeth, her hair was nearly black, long, thick, and +coarsish dark hair in large quantity was in her armpits, and showed +slightly when her arms were down, her arms and breasts were superb. Her +cunt was thick-lipped, and with largish inner lips which showed well +in nearly the whole length of the split; her mons was very plump, +and covered well, but not widely with crisp black hair. She looked +twenty-six, yet was not more than twenty-two, and she looked most +handsome when lying asleep. +

+

+If I were asked the most perfect thing about her, I should say her feet +and legs up to her notch—they were simply perfect; I have seen them as +handsome in smaller women, never in one of her height. I must add that +her cunt was large both outside and inside, and that she was not a +voluptuous poke to me, but why I can only guess at now; I did not know +it whilst I was acquainted with her. +

+

+"A little of that satisfies me," she would say of poking, "once a +week,—once a fortnight, excepting at times,—you men are beasts, all of +you." She at first refused my mouth, never moved her bum, and laid like +a log. "Here I am,—do what you like,—do it, and get it over,—or +leave it," was her common mode of meeting my grumbling. Her first sexual +pleasure with me was I believe the night she dined with me; afterwards +she took pleasure with me more frequently, but un-cunting me, and +rushing out of bed to wash the instant I had spent, before I had indeed +done spending; until a sudden change in her took place which I shall +tell of, and then she was kinder, more lustful, or perhaps I might +say more loving, and more reckless; letting me enjoy her after my own +fashion, and abandoning herself to enjoyment as much as it was perhaps +in her nature to do so. +

+

+I found that she often now was with the keeper of the house, or rather +she who represented her,—Hannah. So I got acquainted more closely with +Hannah, would go into her parlour, and talk with her before Sarah came. +This began one day when I was awaiting Sarah by her asking me if I +would cast up a column of figures, nearly the whole of which was in five +shillings and seven and sixes. I did it once, then I did it a second +time. Going in one day just afterwards she stepped out from her parlour, +and thanked me. I stepped into the parlour, and got into the custom +of doing so,—if ladies were not in there,—but there was a good +introduction business done, as will be seen, and oftentimes ladies were +waiting there till their swains arrived. +

+

+One day she cooked a luncheon for me, once a breakfast, the latter was +during the time I had quarrelled with Sarah, and took another woman to +sleep with me there. I complimented her on her cooking, she was half +groggy (as she often was), and was very talkative. "Lord," said she, +"you have tasted my dinners many a times." "Nonsense." "Yes you have." +

+

+"Where?" "Do you recollect a ball at———, where all the servants were +allowed to look at the table before supper, and your coming down with +Mr.———, and we all scuffling back?" "Perfectly." "Well I cooked that +supper." Then it turned out that she had been cook at a house where +I was a constant visitor, she had recognized me at once, but did not +recollect my name, or so she said,—indeed it was not probable that she +knew it. She had been caught with a soldier in the house, and had been +kicked out. +

+

+Now by chance of fortune she was keeper of a baudy house, and her +soldier visited her there when in London,—he was a Guardsman,—and she +supplied him with money, and lots he had, for she robbed her Mistress +wholesale of the baudy house profits. +

+

+Hannah had two sisters; one a married woman with a bad husband, and +several children. She often came and assisted at J.... s Street, +sometimes acting as chambermaid,—and about two years after this period +of my history, a second one appeared who had been a housemaid, and who +had I suppose also lost her character. A pretty blue-eyed girl about +twenty years old with a cast in her eye, and a lovely leg up to within +a few inches of her cunt. I never saw higher, and shall have more to +say about her hereafter. Her name was, Susan—a sailor was said to be in +love with her. +

+

+Sarah at the end of some months asked me to give her five pounds, and +soon afterwards ten pounds. She was going to make up a sum of money to +buy a business for her father. She had been dressing very shabbily I +noticed, and said she knew I did not mind that, and it was all because +she was trying to save money,—to quit that life she hoped,—and I +believed it. I could not get her for several days, yet could have sworn +I had heard her voice one day in loud altercation with a man in the +parlour when I was waiting for her upstairs. I rang and asked for her; +the servant came, and asserted that Miss Mavis was not there, and +I never saw her that night. Next day I made an appointment (through +Hannah) for eleven a.m., and waited a long time before she came up. She +looked ill. "You've been crying." "I have not." "Yes you have,—your +eyes are red,—aye, and wet now." She asserted she had not, and then +burst out sobbing saying she was unwell. I was distressed, and sent for +wine, Hannah came up and comforted her (I saw Hannah knew all about it). +Then we were left to ourselves. "I've never been abed all night," said +Sarah. "Come to bed now." To my extreme astonishment into bed she +came, after looking at me in a very earnest manner. +

+

+I had often asked her before, and she never would; saying she never +had been in bed but with one man, and never meant. I was enraptured, +stripped to my skin, and was soon pressing every part of her body to +mine. She gave herself up to me entirely, her tongue met mine as we +spent. "Don't throw me out now dear." "Very well." Oh! miracle, I +thought, and there we lay, prick and cunt soaking together, till we had +another fuck, then she dozed off in my arms, and I soon afterwards. We +slept more than two hours, then my fingers sought her cunt directly; +and awakened her. I told her the time, she sighed saying, "It's no +matter,—it serves them right." It was a day of miracles, Hannah sent up +food, we ate it in bed, we fucked again and again. I was delighted with +the spunk we left on the sheets; then we dined at the Café, and went +back to the baudy house,—more fucking, no cunt-washing, all was free +baudy, abandonment. +

+

+Hannah came up to us about the time Sarah usually left me, and told her +it was time to go. Sarah said she did not care a damn, Hannah begged +her to go,—she would go home with her. She agreed to go, kissed me, and +said I was a kind fellow. I waited outside, and tried to dodge her home; +but was unsuccessful; the two discovered me, stopped, and upbraided me, +and came back to the baudy house. Then she made me promise not to follow +her, and went out to piddle as she said. Hannah followed, I waited five +minutes for them, and then called to the servant. She came in with a +demure face, and said "Lor sir they have both gone out five minutes +ago." +

+

+For weeks after that Sarah was changed, and with the exception of not +stripping entirely did as freely as I wished, she did everything I +wanted, but sleep with me all night; she kept out later, but away +at night she went; she embraced me, enjoyed her fucking, and in fact +treated me like a husband. Then she said one day, "I'm some months gone +in the family way." "Who's the dad?" "You perhaps." "No I'm not,—it's +some man you are fond of, not me." "I am fond of no man," said she. Then +she was ill, and away for three weeks, she had had a miscarriage. I was +in despair, and sent her money all the time of her illness, but could +learn nothing from Hannah, excepting that Sarah was a dear good woman, +and too good for him. That was said before the sister, who cried out, +"You shut up Hannah." So I came to the conclusion there was some other +man in the way. +

+

+Another day I pumped Hannah, but she was an old bird, and not easily +caught. "She is fond of a man," I said. "She is not a fond sort,—if she +is fond of any man at all it's you,—but she has got her duty to do." +"What's that?" "Ask her,—I don't know her business. Now you get out, +there are some ladies coming here directly, and Miss Mavis won't like +your being here with them." "I'm not her property." "Pretty nearly you +are,—at all events go, there is a good gentleman. Whilst Sarah was away +I did get acquainted with three or four ladies, and two of them I had. +Sarah had then either gone abroad or I had had a desperate quarrel with +her. +

+

+When Sarah met me again she was still miserably ill, and thanked me for +my kindness warmly. We resumed our meetings, and again she was cautious, +but no longer bounced me. She spent with me, enjoyed me, but entreated +me. "Oh! let me wash out the muck,—now do pull it out,—I am so +frightened of being ill again." So I let her have her way. She refused +to say anything about her illness, excepting that it was I who had +caused it; but I did not believe her. She usually now gave way to +pleasure with me; at the end of the month I gave her twenty pounds to +make up a sum, then she got still more exacting about money. "Oh! I do +stop a long time with you,—give me more money,—do,—I want to make +up a sum," etc., etc.,—and then of course came a lie. At length she said +one bright sunny morning it was, I had poked her, and was laying on the +sofa afterwards, she sitting on the easy-chair, her lovely breasts +out, one beautiful leg over the other showing slightly the flesh of her +thighs, "You won't see much more of me,—we are going abroad." +

+

+I started as if I had been shot at. "You?—nonsense,—never." "I am +indeed,—I'm sick of this life, and will go anywhere, do anything to get +out of it." +

+

+I sank back on the sofa sobbing, it came home to me all at once that +I was madly in love with her. I was dazed with my own discovery,—I in +love with a gay woman! one whose cunt might have had a thousand pricks +up it! who might have sprung from any dung-hill!—impossible! I felt mad +with myself,—degraded!—impossible,—it could not be,—and for a time +I conquered myself. I tried then to draw her out about herself. It +was useless. Her quiet way of asserting that she was going at length +brought home the conviction that she spoke the truth. Then I laid and +sobbed on the sofa for half-an-hour. "Oh! you will soon get another +friend," said she. "No, no,—I can get a woman, but not one I shall +like,—Sarah my darling, Sarah I love you,—I dote on you,—oh! for +God's sake don't leave,—come with me,—you shan't lead this life,—we +will go abroad together." +

+

+"That is impossible,—if I did you would leave me, and then what should +I do?—come back to this life,—no." "You are going with somebody +else,—who?" "I can't say,—I'll tell you when I am gone." "When are you +going?" "Perhaps in a fortnight, perhaps a little later on." +

+

+I calmed for a time, a fortnight might give me a chance of persuading +her, and I began it at once; but it was all, "No,—no,—no,—it's all +for the best for both of us,"—and again I fell into deep despair, my +heart felt breaking, I had been so happy with this woman for months, she +had so filled my thoughts, so occupied my spare time, that I had half +forgotten my home life. Now I felt alone again, I had told her some +of my troubles,—not all,—now I poured them all out, and offered +everything,—all I had,—to go that next day abroad, and never return; +that I would make her love me though she did not now, I promised all men +could promise,—and meant it. +

+

+"No,—no,—impossible,"—and again I fell back on the sofa sobbing like +an infant, I have almost the deadly heart-ache now as I write this. She +sat looking at me for some time, then she arose, stooped over me, and +kissed me. I turned round, and—how strange that in my despair I noticed +it, and now recollect noticing it!—as she stooped her chemise opened, +and as I put my arm round her, her breasts touched my face, and as I +moved to kiss them I saw her whole lovely form down to her feet, the +dark hair of her motte, the bright white scar; and all in the soft +subdued light which is on a woman's body when enveloped in a thin +chemise,—and my prick stood whilst kissing her and sobbing, and she +was soothing me. +

+

+"It's of no use your loving me," she said, "and it's of no use my loving +you,—don't take on so,—perhaps when I am gone you will be happier at +home,—I can't love you, although I like you very much, for you have +been a good, kind man to me,—I nearly do love you I think,—if I were +with you I'm sure I should,—but it's of no use, for I am a married +woman, and have two children, and am going with them and my husband." +

+

+I was amazed, and doubted it. "I'll bring you my children to see," said +she, "it was to get them their dinners and tea that I always left you +at times as I have." "And at night?" "I always go home before he comes +home." "You always go home to your husband?" "Yes." +

+

+How I loathed that man!—my loathing rose to my lips. "That miserable +contemptible cur lives by your body,—a dirty vagabond." "No he's +not,—poor fellow, he would earn our living if he could, but he can't." +"I don't believe it,—a man who lives by a woman is barely a man,—I +would empty cesspools to keep a woman I loved, rather than another man +should stroke her,—no good can come of it,—he'll leave you for some +other woman some day." Sarah turned nasty, said she was sorry she had +told me so much, that all I said against him only made her like him the +more; and so leaving me in sorrow she went away. +

+

+Now that I felt sure she was going away, I could not see too much of +her; morning, noon, and night I had her. She brought her two children to +me, and very proud she was of them. How it was I never noticed the marks +of childbirth on her before I know not, but I never had. I spoke of +that now. "I took good care you should not," said she smiling, and I +recollected that when I had her by the side of the bed, when I looked at +her on the sofa, it was nearly always with her back to the light; when +laying on the bed, and I tried to gratify my passion by opening her +thighs, and gazing on her hidden charms, she nearly always half-turned +towards the window, and her belly was in shadow. "I don't like to be +pulled about,—I won't have it,—if you want me have me, and have done +with it,—get another woman if you like who will do it, or allow it,—I +won't." These and similar answers always settled me, and I submitted, +for I was under her domination, and in my folly I had actually feared +that if I persisted, she would not come to see me. +

+

+She brought her children in the morning to me at J...s Street, and I +had her that afternoon. Now she was free enough, pointed herself to the +marks of childbirth (very slight they were), and voluptuously held +her cunt-lips open,—she had never done so before. From that day and +afterwards she allowed me to see her in every way or manner, if not +to let me do what I wished. The mystery was over, I knew most if not +all,—certainly all about her person. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XIV. +

+
+     Poses plastiques.—Sarah departs.—My despair.—Hannah's
+     comfort.—Foolscap and masturbation.—Cheap cunt.—A
+     Mulatto.—The baudy house accounts.—Concerning Sarah.—The
+     parlour.—The gay ladies there.—My virtue.—Louisa Fisher.—
+     A show of legs.—The consequence on me.—Effect on Mrs. X..i.
+
+

+I dined with Sarah repeatedly until her departure, she was now often in +low spirits, and drank very freely of champagne; then would fuck with +a passion and energy which did not seem natural to her, for by look and +general manner one would have sworn she was even tempered, and without +much passion,—had I not found that out by experience? One night soon +after she had brought her children to me, she seemed wild with lust. +What was the matter with me I don't know, but I had no desire for her, +and could scarcely stiffen for the embrace; yet she was in ecstacies +with me as I fucked her. "Do it again," said she. "I can't." "You must +do it,—I've not washed." "I can't." "Yes,—yes.—I'm mad for you," +said she,—and we kept on fucking till early the next morning. "I am in +the family way again I think," said she as she left, "and if so will +jump over Westminster Bridge." But she was not, and after that night she +persuaded me not to spend in her, but to withdraw just as my emission +took place. "It will spoil all my plans if I am in the family way," said +she, "all I have done will be of no use if I cannot act." "Act?" "Yes, I +am an actress." "Does not your husband spend in you?" "No one has spent +in me but you, since my miscarriage,—I won't let him, and he doesn't +want me in the family way." +

+

+"You an actress!" "Yes,—have you never seen me?" "No." "Are you sure?" +"Yes." "Did you ever see the Poses plastiques and Madame W...t.n?" "Yes, +two or three years ago." "Well I was one of her troupe." "God God!—and +what do you do now?" "Nothing,—but we have a troupe going on the +Continent,—I am the principal—I am Madame W...t.n now." +

+

+Then she told me she had in her youth been a model for artists, had sat +to Etty and Frost, hers was the form which had been painted in many of +their pictures,—and then she would say no more. +

+

+I grew sadder and sadder as the time came for her departure; so did she. +She said I worried and unsettled her; she wondered sometimes if she +were doing the best thing for herself and children or not. She was so +frightened lest she should get in the family way, that as already said +she made me withdraw before the critical moment, spending my sperm on +her thighs or on the crisp hair of her motte. I got an idea into my head +(a stupid one enough), that if she were to get in the family way by me +she would stay in London; and one night after we had dined, and she had +had pleasure in my groping, and as usual had said, "Now don't do it in +me," I plunged my prick up, and spent a full stream in her cunt. "I hope +to God that sperm's all up your womb," said I. Her own pleasure had so +overcome her, that she could not move for a minute; then jumping up she +washed herself with a sponge,—she recently had used one. I never had a +spend in her again for months afterwards. +

+

+Then for hours I used to look her over and over from head to foot, as if +I wished to recollect every part of her person for ever afterwards: the +roots of her hair, the ears, the way the hair grew on the nape of her +neck; the way it grew on her cunt, and in her arm-pits, and every other +part I used to look over as if searching for something; the only part of +her which escaped my investigations was the bum-furrow, which was to me +an uncomfortable part in all women, and in my wildest sexual ecstacies +and aberrations I neither felt it nor saw it, and don't know whether the +hole was round or square; red or brown. +

+

+After she had told me she had sat as a model, she brought me a small +oil-painting of herself made by an artist of some rank. She was proud of +it, and so was her husband. I offered such a price for it, that placed +as she was she could not resist, and I bought it. She gave me one day a +photograph of herself; both had the characteristic opening of the lips +well shown. It is only recently that I have destroyed these mementos of +a dead affection. +

+

+When I saw that nothing would keep her in England I did my best to +help her enterprise, gave her money freely, paid for dresses, boots, +travelling cloaks, children's dresses, and in brief for everything. +During the nine months I had known her she in fact ran me dry, and in +debt. I spent upon her more than I could have lived on for four years +at the rate I lived at just before I met her. But I was now in better +circumstances than I had been for years, and the money was my own. +

+

+As the time approached, I could neither sleep nor eat, and used to be +at J... s Street hours before I knew she could come; would wait any +time for her, treating Hannah and the ladies, and doing nothing but talk +about Sarah. Sometimes I used to think about following her abroad. When +she came to the house, I used to spend my time in crying, and she after +telling me not to be foolish, would cry too. Then, "Oh! let me see you +naked." "There then." Then came kisses all over her body. "Oh! now for +God's sake don't spend in me." Then came a delicious fuck; then crying +and moaning recommenced. She left a week at least before she had said +she should, and did so to prevent me the pain of parting with her,—I +must give her that credit. Hannah told me so. +

+

+I had arranged to see her one morning, and was as usual there before +my time. Hannah stepped out from the parlour. "Has Sarah come?" She +beckoned me into the parlour. "Why they all sailed this morning,—my +sister went to see them off,—did you not know?" I staggered to the +sofa dizzy, speechless, then senseless. When I came to myself Hannah was +standing besides me with brandy and water and a spoon with which she was +putting it into my mouth. +

+

+"Don't take on so," said she, "don't think any more about Sarah,—she is +a fine woman, but there are lots as good,—I know a dozen, and any one +would be glad to know a man like you,—have some brandy and water,"—and +she took a great gulp herself. "There now," said she bending over me. +"would you like to see Mrs.———, she who met you the other night in +here with Sarah,—she has taken quite a fancy to you,—don't cry. Sarah +will come back, and if she don't you'll get another woman whom you will +like as well. There is Mrs.———, a splendid shaped woman who only sees +one gentleman here,—she took quite a fancy to you, though she only saw +you once." But I was desperate, and rushed out of the house. Where I +went to, I don't even recollect, but went home at last very drunk,—an +extraordinary occurence for me. +

+

+For some days I was prostrate in mind, and almost in body, but at length +recovered sufficiently to attend a little to my affairs which had gone +altogether to the bad for a month, and had been going bad for many +months. I resolutely set myself against going to J... s Street, and +would not have women; indeed scarcely knew where to lay my hand on +a shilling, so necessity had perhaps as much to do with my virtue as +anything else; but I was generally in a weak, low state of health, and +really believe, though it seems to me almost incredible now, that it was +well nigh three weeks before I touched or saw a cunt after Sarah left. +

+

+Then one Sunday I had erections all day long. After dinner lust drove me +nearly mad; so I went to my room, took a clean sheet of white paper, +and frigged myself over it. My prick only slightly subsided, I frigged +again, and then as the paper lay before me covered with sperm-pools I +cried, because it was not up my dear Sarah's vagina, laid my head on +the table where the paper lay, and sobbed with despair, jealousy, and +regrets, for I thought some one would fuck her if I did not, that it +would be her hateful husband whom she had helped to keep with my money. +

+

+I may say here that on several occasions of my life I have frigged +myself over a clean sheet of foolscap paper; it was mostly done for +curiosity, to see what my sperm was like, whether it was as thin, or +as thick, or as large in quantity as at the last time I previously had +masturbated. +

+

+I could not after that Sunday keep away from J...s Street, and went +there the next day. "I don't expect she'll write to you," said Hannah, +"even if she said she would,—what will be the use?—it will only make +you miserable." But I felt sure she would, and kept away from women +still for some time after that,—I was stumped for money among other +reasons. Then I began to spend involuntarily in the night, which to me +was more hateful than frigging myself; so one night I went out for a bit +of cheap quim. Whether I saw Brighton Bessie or not I can't say, but I +think I did, and did later on. +

+

+I went first into the streets near a large well-known tavern at a +spot where several big thoroughfares meet, and where there is a large +traffic, and picked up my cheap women there. But the women, their +chemises and petticoats, and their rooms shocked me more than they used, +and kept me chaster than I otherwise might have been. +

+

+One night I went home with a tall straight woman who would not take my +fee. "No," said she, "I've got two nice little rooms of my own." If you +get a woman for five shillings you have to pay for the room besides, and +ten shillings is only a small sum; so I went with her for ten shillings, +and saw her at intervals for a few months. +

+

+She was about five feet nine high, was not stout, was as straight as a +lath, yet not thin, had very firm but quite small breasts, and a +biggish bum. She had Mulatto blood in her veins she told me, and was +brown-skinned, had a large mouth and very thick lips, the Negro blood +showed there plainly; her hair was dark, and so were her eyes; her cunt +was a pouter: it was small, but the lips pouted out more thickly I think +than those of any woman I ever yet saw, yet they were not flabby, but +protruded largely like two halves of a sausage; the hair was black, +short, and intensely crisp and curly; it felt like curled horse-hair. +I used to think her a plain woman, one of the plainest, but she was a +glorious fuckster; her cunt was tight inside, and yet so elastic as not +to hurt or pinch (and I was at that time when just at spunking point as +often said before tender-pricked). The hair of her head was coarse yet +straight, her large mouth was filled with teeth of a splendid whiteness, +and when she smiled she showed the whole set. It was seeing her large +white teeth that first attracted me before I could distinguish any other +feature of her face; you could see them at night right across a road, +they were dazzling, and almost made one forget the great thick-lipped +orifice which opened to expose them. I have before told of women who +attracted me by their teeth, and particularly of a Creole. +

+

+This Mulatto as I called her, amused me with her letcherous postures; +she was as lithe as a willow branch, and was willing to please. I was +fond of making her kneel on the bed with bum towards me, and her legs +nearly close together, and then the backward pout of her cunt was +charming to me, so much so that I took to poking her dog-fashion. +

+

+One night when I was full of sperm I made her remain in the exact +posture until all my spunk had run out of her cunt, and sat holding a +candle towards her rump till I was satisfied with the sight; and more +than once I kept her in that position, looking at the gruelly lips until +I fucked her a second time. +

+

+She had such a very remarkable steady walk that she scarcely seemed to +move, she glided; her feet were so nicely carried forward, and her body +so evenly balanced from her hips. In this respect she resembled a tall +dark woman named Fletcher, whom I knew quite recently. There must have +been something in the arrangement of their thighs and hips which caused +this. Women who are accustomed to carry heavy loads on their heads +always walk straight, and never roll from side to side as most people +more or less do; but I don't know that either of the women named had +carried baskets on their heads,—I knew the walk of that class of women, +having been born in the neighbourhood where they worked. +

+

+She I imagine had a liking for my doing it naked with her, for she +was always suggesting that we should strip; but she could not bear my +fucking her dog-fashion. When I stripped and got into her on her belly, +she would twist her legs right into mine in quite a snaky fashion, +and sometimes lift her legs up till her heels were almost up to my +blade-bones. She also like a few others I have poked seemed to have +the power of holding my prick in her cunt quite tightly after I had +spent,—perhaps because she had not spent herself, for about her +pleasures in the copulation I am not sure, though she always impressed +me as being a hot-cunted one. +

+

+After I had once been to J... s Street again I went more and more +frequently. Hannah was always nearly screwed,—champagne or brandy +pleased her best. +

+

+When she was so, she would at times gradually let out much that she +knew,—and this is what she let out one day. +

+

+"Bah! her husband indeed!—she is not married,—he's got a wife besides, +and Sarah knows it,—he's blackened his wife's eyes more than once when +she has been annoying them; but that don't pay, for she is his lawful +wife; so he allows her something, and it keeps her quiet, and she won't +last long, for she is drunk from daybreak till night. Sarah's a real +good one to keep the lazy beggar,—she keeps them all poor thing, ever +since he could not get any engagement; there's she, and their children, +and her sister, who lives with them, and then there is her old mother +who she keeps, and his wife as well,—she has enough to do poor thing." +This came out one day after Hannah had dined; I had brought her a bottle +of specially fine brandy, and we were sitting in the parlour drinking it +together mixed with water. +

+

+I had long been getting into Hannah's good graces. I stood wine and +brandy, was always respectful to her and the gay ladies I met in her +parlour, and never used coarse, rude language to them, nor in speaking +of them or of ladies of their class. Hannah told me I was a great +favorite with several of them, as indeed I found to be the case. I may +say that all my life I never spoke disrespectfully to, or of gay ladies, +so long as they behaved themselves; they have been mostly throughout my +life, kind and true to me after their fashion, they gave me pleasure, +and I treated them as if I was grateful for it. +

+

+But I was moreover serviceable to Hannah. Once or twice as told she had +brought me some figures to cast up, and when Sarah had left, she brought +me others on various little scraps of paper. She asked me never to +mention my having done so to her sister, and I did not. I became curious +at finding the items were all in five shillings, seven and sixpence, ten +and twenty shillings; at last it struck me what it was, and taxing her +with it found it was the takings of the baudy house, she told me so with +a laugh. She could not write herself. +

+

+The takings were put on slips of paper by the servants, and by some +process of her own which she could not explain, she got a rough sort of +check on the servants to prevent them robbing her. She had to account to +the real owner of the house,—and how she did it she alone knows. This +is certain (she once admitted it), that from the takings she put a pound +a day into her own pocket. Whether she robbed the owner to that extent, +or whether it was her admitted share I never knew. She was well dressed, +had excellent food, allowed her Guardsman money, her sister's husband +money, and others too I rather think. But after she'd taken her three or +four hundred pounds a year, there was a splendid income handed over to +some one. This house had but eight rooms, and two more closets to let +out for fucking; they often took twenty pounds a day, and sometimes much +more. +

+

+I did this arithmetic pretty regularly, and she became my fast friend. +She told me all about Sarah that she knew (what Sarah at a future day +told me agreed with it), and much about the habits of other loose ladies +which will be partially narrated in due time, and a good deal about +baudy house management. +

+

+And now more about Sarah's antecedents. A new species of entertainment +had sprung into existence a few years before this time, called "Poses +plastiques," in which men and women covered with silk fitting tightly to +their naked limbs and made quite white, placed themselves on stages in +classical groups to the sound of music. Women and men of great physical +beauty formed these groups, they were in fact actors of that class. +Madame W...t.n known as a splendid model first got them up; her husband +was a splendid man, Sarah was her niece, and also had a beautiful form +which ran in the family; she was poor, and Madame W...t.n took her to +live with them, and at seventeen years of age she appeared as Venus. +

+

+At nineteen she had a child by Madame W...t.n's husband, at twenty a +second. Madame found out the father, and kicked Sarah out. Mr. W...t.n +then kicked Madame out, and went to live with Sarah, rows ensued, other +companies of "Poses plastiques" came into competition, the thing got +overdone, he could not get his living; he knew a trade, but was I expect +too lazy to work at it; so Sarah took to letting herself out as model, +and that being poor pay, to letting out her cunt to get their bread; she +had just began it when I first met her. They seem during a year or more +to have parted with all their goods, before she took to showing her +belly-parting for money. +

+

+So beautiful a form of course succeeded, and for a time I became the +principal milk-cow. Then a proposition was made to form a troupe to go +to the Continent; there seemed to be a grand opening, and with Sarah's +money (most of it got from me), the apparatus, costumes properties, and +troupe were got together. +

+

+Off they had gone. She and her husband were the exhibition-managers, +speculators, and chief actors. +

+

+Hannah made a mouth when I asked what sort of a man Mavis was. She +did not think much of him,—why did he not work—he had a trade?—no, +because he was no longer able to get on as an actor, he preferred to let +Sarah get the living for the whole of them. "Ah! you'll see her back, +mark my words,—they won't succeed,—and then what will take place? +—you'll see,—is she poor thing to work and do everything, that he may +lay a bed, dress as a gentleman, and do nothing but take her out for a +walk on a Sunday; she is as proud of his taking her out for a walk on a +Sunday as if he kept her a carriage." After much reflexion I came to the +conclusion that Sarah had only just turned harlot about the time I had +first met her that she did it to keep her man and her family, and he got +accustomed to his woman getting his living for him. +

+

+I kept on calling at J... s Street, always expecting to hear of Sarah. +Hannah was glad to see me, for now I cast up her accounts weekly. I got +acquainted with two or three ladies there who came at intervals to meet +their friends. They were very nice women, none were ever to be seen in +the streets, they had either their own acquaintances whom they met at +J... s Street, or Hannah had introduced them to gentlemen there. They +were not a bit like whores in dress, appearance or manner, and my +acquaintance with them opened my mind to the fact, that there is a large +amount of occult fucking going on with needy, middle-class women, whose +mode of living and dressing, is a mystery to their friends, and who +mingle with their own class of society without its being suspected; +that their cunts are ever wetted by sperm which lawfully may not be put +there. +

+

+I began to stand wine when I met them, and was introduced as a friend of +Miss Mavis who had gone abroad. I was I found well known by name and +a character for kindness, and I expect also for being a fool. All the +women were shy at first, Hannah's sister (the servant) I overheard +telling Hannah that the ladies did not like my being in the parlour. +Hannah at times would ask me to leave, as a lady wanted to come into the +parlour and wait there, and so on. But gradually Hannah would say, "Who +is it?—oh! she knows him,"—or "Oh! she won't mind,—let her come in." +So by degrees I became intimate with these privately gay ladies, and +several of them on more than one occasion joined their sweet bodies to +mine in the game of under and over. +

+

+I had never had a woman in the house since Sarah had gone; firstly +because I did not then pay more for the girls than I did for the room +alone at J... s Street, and because, I feared if Sarah came back Hannah +would tell her,—as if it would have mattered to Sarah in any way +excepting that another woman would get the money she might have had. +Still I had that stupid idea about the matter, and although I had +longed for one or two of the other ladies, and although they had looked +languishingly at me. I never had then proposed a private interview +upstairs. +

+

+One day Hannah said she had heard from Sarah who had asked after me. +"They are (Sarah and the troupe) getting on well," said Hannah, "if she +says so I suppose they are,—but we shall see." Suddenly, "Have you had +another woman since she left?" The question startled me. "No." "Oh! +I don't believe it,—if you haven't you're a nasty man." Then I +confessed, and told her what I had done. "Why don't you have Mrs. +Fisher?" said she. "I'm poor, and can't,—I'm not going to do what I did +with Sarah." "Lord she won't mind,—she'd like you I know,—but don't +say I said so,—she's got a lovely leg,—she's a fine woman,—nearly as +fine made as Sarah Mavis, and she is taller,—she never gets it done at +home." Hannah was unusually muddled with liquor that day, and let out; +her sister was not there to check her with, "Now then Hannah you'd +better shut up,"—and Hannah described Mrs. Fisher's hidden charms till +my cock stood. +

+

+I would pass hours sketching from recollection Sarah Mavis' limbs and +form, her bum and cunt being the most favorite subjects; then so randy +that I did not know what to do with myself, I would rush out into the +streets to prevent my frigging myself,—and erotic night-dreams were +frequent. +

+

+"Why don't you see Mrs. X.. i," said Hannah to me, "she likes you, and +would come up any day if I wrote to her (I had supped two or three times +with that lady),—I would not fret about Sarah, although she is a fine +woman,—you let her see you have another woman, and she will come round +if she comes back." But I did not for a time. +

+

+One afternoon however being in the parlour, Mrs. X.. i was there, a +splendid woman about twenty-six years old. Also there was a young woman +who had two children by a man with whom she was about to go abroad, and +she was a lovely woman. The two ladies had just had a two o'clock dinner +with Hannah, I had just come from my Club after luncheon, and sent for +champagne. All our talk got frisky,—all knew Sarah, my love. If I could +get any one to talk with me about her, I was delighted, and began at +it. Said the Mistress, "Well she is a splendid-formed woman +certainly,—splendid, but there are lots of others,—I've got a good +leg to my knee, so has Mrs. X.. i, and Mrs.———," (meaning the other +whose name I forget). +

+

+"Show us your leg," said one. "There," said Hannah pulling up her +clothes, "now show yours." They all showed their limbs, one after +another. "You might fancy you had Sarah's legs round your thighs, if you +had Mrs. X...i's there," said Hannah. I was nigh bursting for a fuck. +Mrs. X...i pulled her clothes up higher, and stood up to show the leg +better; the other ladies did the same. I felt my pleasure coming, and +objecting to wet my shirt, began to unbutton. "Oh I can't bear it," I +cried, "oh! my God I'm coming,"—and the instant my prick was free from +my trowsers I spent copiously, the three women their petticoats still up +nearly to their cunts, looking and laughing. I had not frigged, it was +fullness, and the voluptuous delight at seeing the limbs of the three +fine women which fetched me. "There is lots of stuff in him," said one. +Ashamed of myself I begged their pardons, and sent for more wine. "He +had better have given one of you ladies that good spunk," said the +Mistress. I overcame my bash fulness, they laughed about what Sarah +Mavis had missed, one professed to feel annoyed at my behaviour. "Oh! +you are damned modest," said Hannah. +

+

+Mrs. X...i soon afterwards went upstairs into the bed-room to a +gentleman she had come to meet. The Mistress said she should lay +down,—she always did after her dinner, and slept for two hours,—she +was fuddled, and indeed always was. The mother of the two children and +I were alone; from the instant I had spent she had never taken her +eyes off me,—never. I recollect the look of her dark eyes and their +expression quite well. Hannah snored almost directly. "Let us have +a kiss," said the lady to me, "I know you are fond of a well-formed +woman,"—and she pulled up her clothes a little. She was sitting on +the sofa, my prick rose, I bolted the door, and we fucked whilst the +Mistress kept snoring. +

+

+Mrs. X... i came down. "What you here still?—what have you been doing?" +The mother replied, "He has been smoking, and talking about his dear +Sarah." The woman was actually sitting at that very moment with a flood +of my sperm up her cunt, for she had neither wiped, nor washed, nor +pissed since I had fucked her. Then they talked about X... i's friend who +was a clergyman. X... i was the wife of a man who lived with her, but +never had her (so she said); she hated him, he had clapped her once. +

+

+The mother went out of the room, and came back, Hannah awoke, we had +tea, I paid, it was my rule then to pay for everything for the ladies +whenever I was in the baudy house parlour. I rose to go, shaking hands +with the two ladies. The one whom I had embraced put a bit of paper +privately into my hand. Outside the house I read it. "Wait outside," it +said. I had been delighted with her pleasure, and did so. She came out, +we walked quickly off. "You go to the top of the next street," said she, +"and I'll meet you,"—and she went another way, and met me at the top. +"I did that in case X... i came out," said she, "let us go and have +dinner together." "I have not enough money," said I. "Never mind, I +have." We went to the Café de P..v...e, and dined; I fucked her again +and again on a sofa. She was a charming woman. As we sat on a little +sofa dallying after dinner, she said she had not had it for a month, +her friend had gone to Germany, where they were going to live, to make +arrangements, he would return in a few days; then he, she, and the +children were going to Germany with him. "I liked you," said she, "but +when I saw what you did before us this afternoon, I could scarcely stop +myself, I wanted it so badly,—I dare say I'm in the family way,—oh! +don't look,—it's full,—it's dirty,—you shan't." The next instant I +was up her again; afterwards she washed, and I saw her cunt. I paid +for the dinner partly, she the rest,—I had not a sixpence left. "I'm +sorry," I said to her, "that I have no more money." "I did not come here +for money," said she. "Let me leave you half a dozen pair of gloves at +No. 11." "No, I've lots of gloves." "Then give me a kiss." She stood +putting her tongue in my mouth for a minute, then giving me a hearty +kiss off she went. I never saw her, nor had her again. Hannah told me +she was in Germany, and very happy there. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XV. +

+
+     Louisa Fisher.—Chaffing.—Her form and fucking.—A supper
+     in bed.—A lascivious night.—Meetings afterwards.—Hannah's
+     legs.—Intruders in the bed-room.—Louisa's voluptuousness.—
+     Enceinte.—Her husband.—Her gentleman friend.—About
+     herself.—Illness.—Mrs. A... y.
+
+

+I began to meet a Mrs. Fisher at the house very frequently; why she was +more frequently there I did not know, and knew it was but of little use +asking questions why. +

+

+I rather liked this lady. She came usually at one o'clock, and had +dinner with Hannah. At three o'clock she went upstairs, was there about +two hours, then came down and went away. At times she waited, had tea, +and sometimes early supper; this was when she was expecting some one +who did not come. I was told confidentially by Hannah it was a rich +middle-aged clergyman. The ladies name was Mrs. Louisa Fisher,—her +christian name I have written truly, the surname is not. I do this lest +she be alive still, and should read somehow this result of my doings +with her at J...s Street; she can't mistake if she reads these pages who +it was. +

+

+After what Hannah had told me I could not help taking a great deal of +notice of this lady, and began to lust for her, and of course took to +talking to her about Sarah. She was nothing loth, and asked me curious, +and at last down right indecent questions about her, but not in smutty +language. Hannah when there used to laugh at the questions and my +replies; they made my cock stand, which perhaps was what Louisa +intended, or it may only have been curiosity without any hidden +intention. +

+

+I imagine that the erotic incident in the parlour had been told to a +good many gay ladies; it certainly had to Louisa Fisher, for one night +after that I had been to enquire if Hannah had heard again from Sarah, +and Hannah had mentioned Louisa, the following occurred. I had dined +early, it was about half-past six, Louisa Fisher was there. "Stand us +a glass of wine," said she. "Do," said Hannah. "Do," said another +lady. "Have you had dinner Mrs. Fisher?" said I. "No, my friend's not +been,—I'm hungry, and Hannah is just going to cook me a chop." I myself +fetched a bottle of sherry, the chop came, Louisa ate it, and drank +sherry; then I sent for brandy, we drank it mixed with water, and Hannah +took some neat. I had began about Sarah as I always did. "Well she was +a beautiful model," said Hannah, "but Mrs. X... i's leg was better to my +mind." "Look how he's blushing," said Louisa. "Why should I blush?" They +both laughed. "Oh! oh! oh! don't I know what you did when you saw her +legs." I was then that odd mixture of baudiness and modesty, that I was +just as likely to be bold as to be shame-faced, when a woman spoke to me +about anything carnal; and now was confused and half-ashamed. "Lord +how he's blushing," said Hannah, and she left the room to look after +business, she usually put her head out when the street-door opened, if a +servant was not in the way on the ground-floor. +

+

+Louisa laughed. "I know all bout it," said she, "she was a fine woman." +After I had got over the stupid bashfulness which I had for the moment, +I went (as usual with me) to the extreme of baudy boldness. "Yes," said +I laughing, "I wish it had been spilt in her cunt, instead of on the +carpet." "Oh! for shame," said Louisa, "well it was waste, was it +not,—it might have made two people happy,—did you really spend without +frigging it?" "Yes I did." +

+

+I got close to Louisa on the sofa to speak with her about the event, to +hear from her lips what had been told her. She said not a word, but my +face was close to hers, we looked into each other's eyes for a minute, +lust was on both. I put my arm round her, pulled her towards me, and +kissed her. She returned it, our lips were glued together. "You've got +a fine leg Hannah says." "Does she?" "Yes,—let me see it." "No." +"Yes." "You only care about Sarah." I made no reply, but went on kissing +letcherously, put one hand down, and going on kissing pulled her clothes +up to her knees. She stopped me there. "Oh! how round, how nice, +how lovely your leg is." "Now be quiet, Hannah will be in." I ceased +looking, but my hand slipped higher up, my fingers were inside the +satiny wet lips, and my mouth was glued to hers, as Hannah came back. +

+

+We resumed a decent posture. Hannah laughed, "Lord why don't you two +go upstairs?" said she, "you want each other,—why don't you go?—the +first-floor front's empty." "Come," said I to Louisa pulling her. She +rose instantly. Hannah was a really good soul, she liked to make people +happy, and to set them fucking; I have seen it in a dozen instances. +

+

+Without another word we went upstairs, I threw her on the bedside, +pulled up her clothes, and opened a magnificent pair of thighs. "Let's +go to bed," said she. "Very well." We both undressed like lightning +without a word passing, and stood, she in chemise, I in shirt in a +trice. "Let's get in naked." Without reply she drew off her chemise as +I pulled off my shirt, and the next minute naked in each other's arms we +were fucking in a warm bed, not a word of conversation passing till we +had spent, those moments are so soul-absorbing in their lasciviousness. +

+

+"Oh! how quick we've been,—lay still." With mutual consent we kept +together in fleshy conjunction, I nestled my balls up her, she tightened +her cunt to stimulate my shrinking organ. But little stimulus was +needed, our spend had only made us want it again, we had scarcely rested +ere we recommenced fucking, and again we spent before my prick had +uncunted. How lovely, how exquisite is the reminiscence! What equals +the pleasure of a man and woman pleased with each other, thrilling with +lust, when prick and cunt are joined, and they spend in each other's +arms! +

+

+Still she would not let me out of her, crossing her limbs over my +thighs, drawing me closer to her by her hands, grasping my arse-cheeks, +pulling the cheeks almost open, squeezing her cunt up to me, she kept me +up her, kissing me, shoving her tongue towards mine, and saying I was a +lovely poke, the first baudy words that dropped from her, I rubbing +my belly up against hers till my balls almost lay between her fat +cunt-lips, swabbing up the oozings of the sperm which ran out from her. +And so we lay, kissing, tongue-sucking, and talking the stinging words +of love and lust. +

+

+Then as repose became a pleasure, and nature severed us. "Oh! my God how +wet you have made me," she said, "it's all on the sheet." "Let me feel." +I felt on my side, she turned on hers towards me, and threw one leg over +my haunch, I placed my hand on her cunt, and felt the sperm, wetting +my hand, whilst she grasped my slippery prick. "Feel how wet your prick +is," I put my hand there, and every hair on my prick was plastered +against my belly; then hand on cunt, and hand on prick we both dozed +off. +

+

+When I awakened we were still face to face, Louisa asleep with a hand +under my balls. I pulled down the clothes to look at her naked body: the +gas was burning brightly, I saw splendid breasts; down went my hand to +her cunt, I groped it, she awoke, and without a word turned on to her +back, and I on to her belly. Whilst couched easily on to that broad +belly, and lying between her ample breasts, and steadied by her large +thighs, my prick lying down against her gap, kissing and sucking each +other's mouths, she glided her hand down, and introduced my pendulous +doodle to her randy cunt, and again we fucked. We were mad for it, +neither of us uttered a word, till she cried out, "Oh! I'm coming,—my +God,—ah!" And then we spent, and went fast asleep again, exhausted with +the pleasure. +

+

+We were awakened by a knock. "Who's there?" "Hannah." "What do you +want?" "Are you going to stop all night?" "No," said I jumping out of +bed, "what o'clock is it?" "It's half-past twelve." "Come to bed," said +Louisa. In I jumped. "Oh! I'm so hungry," said she, "how I should like +some oysters." "So should I,—get up, and we'll go and have some before +the shop closes." "No, stop here, Hannah will get them." I agreed, +ordered them, and we went on twiddling each other's privates, I +recollect the feel of hers at this very moment,—it was like a +paste-pot. +

+

+I had never seen her person yet. The throwing her on to the bed, and +lifting her clothes, her stripping, and jumping into bed had been so +rapid, and so randy had both of us been, so anxious to copulate, that I +had had no time to look, to contemplate, to enjoy her with my eyesight. +Now off went the bed clothes. "Let's look at your cunt." "I won't till +I've washed." "No now." I pulled one thigh. "No you dirty dog,—it's +not nice." She jumped out of bed, and washed her quim, I my prick, we +pissed, and then she threw herself on the bed, and delivered her body up +to me. When I had had a quarter of an hour's investigation, she amused +herself with looking and pulling my prick about, waiting for our supper. +

+

+She was a very fine tall woman, stout and well-built. She said she was +twenty-four, but I believe she was thirty. She looked less stout with +her clothes on than when she was undressed, for I was much surprised to +see how very big she was when naked. She had a very big arm, her thighs +and legs were very big as well. Hannah was right about it, the entire +legs were grand, but had not the exquisite curves of Sarah Mavis'. Her +bum was proportionate to her thighs, her waist was not nearly small +enough, her breasts were very large, and beautifully placed, and +beautifully solid; her face was large and common-place, she had +grey eyes, and lightest auburn hair,—immense in quantity, which was +pleasing, though not handsome; it was not a face which in the streets +would have attracted me. Her teeth were good. +

+

+The hair on her cunt, which was thick-lipped and pouting, was also of a +lightish auburn, not by any means a colour to my taste when between the +thighs,—so many women's cunts are furnished with that colour. It was +thick, longish, soft in feel, large in quantity, and spread half-way up +to her navel, and square across her belly to the line of her thighs. I +guessed it a thirty year old cunt from that. She was a lovely fucker, +and though her cunt was a large one inside and out; the prick was well +clipped by it, and kept in when its business was done. There was such +room to lie on her between her thighs, and all seemed so well placed +to hold a man, that I often thought of her in after time when fucking +Sarah, who was the very reverse; who always made me bend my back when +fucking, and from whose quim my prick would always slip, unless we both +made some effort to retain it after I had spent. Sarah rarely did that, +hating the muck. Indeed when Sarah was randy, and wagged her arse as she +did violently, all of a sudden just before she spent, she often threw my +stiff prick out, which set me off damning and cursing till it was up her +again. +

+

+The oysters came, and champagne with them, we went to bed again, and sat +in chemise and shirt to eat them, said I, "let's have another fuck naked +again," for the touch of her large fleshy body to mine had entranced +me, and thus we fucked. Another doze. "Ulloh! why it's three o'clock,—I +must be off." "Don't go dear,—stop all night." "I can't,—they will +think I am ill." "So they will me, but I can't go home, I live too far +off,—do stop all night with me, there's a darling," said she. +

+

+Instead of a doze we had slept two hours. I at times stopped out all +night, and never without saying I intended to do so, but I was tired and +sleepy. "Oh! don't go." I put on my shirt. "Well let's have another +poke before you go,—the champagne has made me so randy." It had also +operated on me. I looked, there were her breasts naked just peeping +above the bedclothes, one arm out, the hand under her head, the big +white fleshy arm, and the thick sandy brown hair in the armpits. "Come," +said she uncovering to her knees. Off went my shirt, and jumping into +bed the thighs received me, the voluptuous tongue and round, soft, +wet lips glued themselves on to mine again, and heaving gently we were +already on the way to another spend. My God what work, what prolonged +pleasure!—I forgot Sarah Mavis, and every other woman that night +in the arms of Louisa. In baudy amusement we passed the whole night +together, and I awakened at ten the next morning with the need of going +as fast as I could to shit. +

+

+I came back, washed, and we fucked again; then she went as she said to +speak to Hannah, whom I knew was a bed at that time; she went I knew to +empty herself, but I asked no questions. We had ham and coffee in bed, +and more fucking, and about one o'clock we rose and left. My finger must +have smelt of cunt I should think for twenty-four hours afterwards, for +I had scarcely left Louisa's cunt for eighteen hours; if my prick was +not up her my fingers were, when not asleep. Whether spunk was in it +or not was all the same, there was no objecting, she gave way to my +insistance, and we lay at intervals, she feeling my prick, one of +her legs placed over mine, and my hand between her thighs, both of us +kissing, tongue-sucking, and scarcely talking. I barely recollect our +talk at all,—it was one long baudy night; how many times we fucked I +can't say, but it was one of my great exercises. She was tired, and so +was I, yet at the last moment, "Let's try it again," I said: "No, I'm +sore, and in pain," said she. I sometimes think my prick must have been +nearly a dozen times up her, and when ramming stiff for a long time +without spending she murmured, "Oh! pray dear leave off." +

+

+We fucked in no other fashion than belly to belly, we were naked the +whole night, and did nothing outside the bed. When I had paid for the +room, supper and breakfast, I only had a few shillings left. I told her. +"Never mind," said she, "you shall give me some money some day when I am +hard up;" so I paid her nothing then. +

+

+I recollect all this distinctly, I always do the incidents of a first +night with a female. When I am accustomed to them, the more striking +circumstances of our acquaintance remain in my memory. It seems to +me that first night's incidents will always remain fresh in my +recollection, excepting the number of fucks; I recollect up to about +half-a-dozen, then I lose count, there my memory of a first night alone +fails me. +

+

+I took a liking for Louisa. For nearly a year I had borne with the +frigidity of Sarah and her tyranny, "You shall only do it once,—I +won't,—I can't wait,—well go," were commands I had got accustomed to +obey, had bowed to refusals to allow her secret charms to be looked +at time after time, to have my prick ejected before the last injecting +throb had been given. I liked the woman, doted on her exquisite form, +liked the domesticity of sitting and reading to her, and at the same +time just feeling her cunt whilst she laid on the sofa, because I liked +her conversation, and because I was at times rewarded by rapturous +delight when she abandoned herself body and soul to me, I submitted to +all this. But I often rebelled, wished it was otherwise, and made up +my mind to leave her for other women, yet did not. I have said all this +before. +

+

+Now to have a splendidly made woman, who had as much pleasure with me as +I had with her, was overwhelming. I forgot Sarah for a time, and longed +for the repetition of the baudy, voluptuous hours I had had with the +big-armed, big-thighed Louisa, and counted the days till we met again. +The instant I set eyes upon her we went upstairs. "Let's get into bed." +Then it was a race who undressed the first. "Naked?" "Yes naked." She +laughed. "Look at your thing," said she as sitting down she pissed. It +was stiff as a poker; the next minute I was laying bedded on that soft +fleshy form, and we were spending. What a fat, luscious, and grand cunt +she had, though three fingers went up it easily. +

+

+Then to my delight she threw up her limbs a little, and crossing them +over me pressed her cunt close up to my willing cock-roots; and there +we lay, my prick in her, my balls covering her arse-hole; whilst now +and then she gripped my prick by muscular cuntal action. When her tongue +touched mine, she sometimes ran her lithsome tongue over my teeth, or +under my lips, and along my gums,—it was a peculiarity of hers. Then +she would glue her wet lips to my wet lips, till our salivas mingled, +and ran profusely, stimulating our lusts. Thus we enjoyed each other's +bodies, till another fuck dissolved us, and separated our spunk-soaked +genitals; and she got up, washed, and went away sometimes in a great +hurry. +

+

+Soon I grumbled at her going so, and she promised to stop a longer +time. "Have a shoulder of mutton," said she, "and onion sauce,—I love +it,—Hannah will cook it beautifully,—we will dine at two o'clock, +Hannah with us." So it came about; we three sat down to a shoulder. +Louisa liked sherry, Hannah brandy; I brought both of fine quality, we +gorged, Hannah got slightly tight, observing Louisa and I caressing. +"Ah!" said she, "I envy you, you two going to bed." "Why where is Jack?" +"Oh! at Windsor, and I shan't have a bit for a month at least." "You'll +have to frig yourself," said I joking. "That's better than nothing, but +I like the wetting best." Louisa laughed, and used afterwards to say to +Hannah, "Has Jack given you a wetting?" Later on some other free ladies +took up the joke, and Hannah's "wetting" became a bye-word among the +circle of free, mercenary lovers. +

+

+Dinner over we hurried upstairs, and we went naked to bed. This was +about half-past three; there we lay till eleven o'clock at night, and +had an oyster supper in bed. Hannah came up, and ate oysters with us +whilst we were in bed together. We ate them out of the shells, and drank +champagne, heard happy couples over head, and joked about it, talked +about fine limbs, about Sarah's fine legs. "Show us yours Hannah," said +Louisa. Hannah without a word cocked one leg up against the bed, and +drew up her petticoats to the top of one thigh. "There," said she, "I am +not ashamed of it." She had a fine leg, but was a very plain woman. She +had shown her leg to me on the day of the leg-show, when I had spent +involuntarily, as I have already told. We laughed and praised her leg. +"Oh! I'm ashamed of you both," said Hannah dropping her petticoats, +laughing, and hurrying out of the room. "I know where his fingers are." +She was right, Louisa was sitting up in bed, her legs half up, but +covered, I half reclining by the side of her, had thrust my hand under +the thighs, and was feeling her cunt. +

+

+Hannah left the room. We began fucking, I was on the top operating when +the door opened, and a couple showed themselves. We heard a voice crying +out, "Not there Maam, it's occupied," and Hannah's sister rushing in +ejected a man and woman who had entered before they saw a couple were in +the bed. We were too far advanced to mind, I uncunted with the object +of closing the door, but the servants having done so, we consumated +and dozed off; nor was it till the servant came to say we ought to be +careful, that I got up and bolted the door. +

+

+Then began a regular meeting once a week, and sometimes twice. Money +seemed no object to Louisa, she took what I gave, and never asked for +more; once or twice she said, "I want a bonnet dear,—give me one,"—or +a new pair of boots, or was hard up for a trifle, and then I gave her +all I could; but she had not in a couple of months as much as at the +last period of my acquaintance with her, Sarah had from me in three +days. But she let me spend money in oysters and champagne suppers, and +early dinners, Guardsman Jack who had come back from Windsor, used often +to get his fill. I once saw Jack in bed with Hannah, and his scarlet +uniform on the chair; he turned himself round with his face to the wall +when I entered. He had a thick head of black hair, which is all I saw. +

+

+Louisa was a voluptuous poke, and enjoyed the fun as much as a woman +could. I think, (but recollection on that point is not clear, when I +come to comparison), that she was the nicest woman to lay on I ever +had. I was slim, though far from a skeleton, and as I laid naked on her +between her large breasts, and between her thighs slightly elevated (for +she usually raised her legs, after we had fucked and she had recovered +from her pleasure, or when I mounted her for preliminary dalliance), I +could scarcely roll off of her without an effort. She had also when her +pleasure was increasing, a movement of her whole body, and not of her +cunt and backside alone; her breasts quivered with a gentle, perfectly +natural motion, and I could feel her flesh moving and rubbing against +mine from belly to neck in a way which stirred lust in me from the hair +of my head to the soles of my feet; I seemed to feel all over her body +at once, and it was most delicious. She had a lovely lasciviousness with +her tongue. If my tongue was in her mouth when she spent, she almost +sucked it out of me, and the clipping of her cunt after my prick had +been relieved from its stiffness I have already mentioned. Her length +of arm enabled her to squeeze my balls when in various positions, and +no woman ever let me pull her about and look at her cunt, whether it +was clean or spunky, more freely than she did. With many it is evidently +business, with her it seemed pleasure. She took a delight in all I did, +even when I washed her cunt. +

+

+(My pleasures however with her were of a simple kind. I had none of the +varied erotic pleasures that I now know, the bum-hole and mouth were +reserved for the enjoyment of my more matured years.) I should have +seen her more frequently, but she would only come at the outside twice +a week. No it was impossible,—she lived too far off. I tried to get +out of Hannah some knowledge about her, but could not. One day only when +fuddled she asked if I had heard she was married. "You mean," said I, +"living with a man." "No really married, and been so for years,—oh! +don't you tell her,—she'll cut the house if you do." +

+

+At the end of perhaps three months I was in bed with her; we had poked, +reposed, and were in amorous dalliance, lying face to face, she with one +limb over my haunch, so that I could feel her cunt well, she twiddling +my somewhat exhausted prick. "I have a surprise for you," she said. "For +me,—what?" "I'm in the family way." "The devil,—whose fault is that?" +"No one's fault, and perhaps no misfortune,—would you like a child?" +"I?—why?" (I had a presentiment of what was coming.) "Because it is +yours." "Nonsense." "It is my dear,—I have felt certain of it for some +time past, but waited to be quite sure before telling you." "Are you +quite sure?" "As certain as I am that I shall die." +

+

+I was flabbergasted, felt distressed, as if I had done her some harm +that I could not repair, that I had injured her, and should cause +her pain and annoyance. It was succeeded by a fear that I should have +trouble through it, and expense that I could not afford. Then came the +idea that she was selling me, putting a plant on me; that if she were +with child it was another man's, not mine. Then came a belief over me +that what she said was true, that her pleasure in my embraces was so +real, so unlike that of the ordinary gay women, that the result might +be due to me. Overwhelmed I lay quiet, confused with the tumultuous +thoughts and feelings which rushed through my brain. +

+

+At length I said, "Are you sure?" "Yes." "It may be your husband's" (for +Hannah's hints came to my mind). "He!—he!—the miserable, contemptible +little wretch!—he?" She left off feeling my cock, raised herself on her +elbow, and looking at me said, "Who told you I was married?" "No one." +"Some one has." "No one,—but I have more than once fancied you were +married by the difficulty I have in getting you to come to meet me when +I want." "Some one has told you." "No one has." "I'm a damned fool," +said she, "I dare say you know more than you say,—what do you know?" +"Nothing." "It's your child, and no one else's,—I'm sorry I have told +you,—say nothing more about it,"—and she turned on her back. "Are you +married?" "Of course not, or I should not be in bed with you." "Some man +is keeping you perhaps." "No one is keeping me either," said she. +

+

+I could not keep quiet, so much was I excited, and thought of the man +she met at J... s Street still, although she tried to hide that. I did +not like to suggest it, for I had found out that any reference to +him annoyed her, and I always avoided giving pain to any woman I had +connection with; but the matter seemed so grave that I could not keep +what was on my mind to myself, and as delicately as I could suggested +him. +

+

+"It's not," said she fiercely, "it can't be." "Why?" "You are the only +man who has spent in me for years." "What," said I incredulously, "no +one had you?" "No one has spent in me but you for years,—no one." I was +staggered, but returned to the subject. "Nonsense Louisa,—how can you +tell?" "I've told you why." "Why if you've a husband, and if you have a +friend who meets you, how can you be sure it's me?" +

+

+"I have no husband, and it's no friend,—if you don't believe it, I tell +you on my oath, on my body and soul, and may I go to hell when I die, if +it be not true, that no man has spent in me for years but you." "No +man has fucked you!—what do they do then?" "That's no concern of +yours,—but no man's stuff has ever been up me for quite two years but +yours,—I'm not going to say any more about it,—my business is not +yours,—nobody has asked you to keep the child,—you need not trouble +yourself,—I'm sorry I told you." She turned her bum to me, and began to +cry; I tried to comfort her. +

+

+"That will do," said she, "give me some oysters and champagne." I +ordered them, then wanted another fuck. "No you shan't have it,"—nor +would she let me. The oysters and champagne made her more complaisant, +but she was angry and snappish. After another fuck she got up and left +me before her usual time, and I went away wondering at this, and at the +number of women who had been, or who said they had been with child by +me. +

+

+Soon after she was loving, sad, and serious, was sorry I would not have +liked the child, for it was certainly mine, but she would get rid of it. +Then in the familiarity of a lewd man and woman naked in bed together, +she told me a lot about herself. +

+

+She was married, she lived with him and her mother, but loathed +her husband. "He,—he the miserable wretch,—he touch me, the +dirty beast!—I'd sooner die than let him," she cried, "if he wanted +even,—but he does not want me,—what he wants he gets elsewhere, not +with me," said she with strong emphasis. If she left him, she would +have to support her mother alone,—perhaps it would come to that some +day,—she was quite prepared for it. They ate and drank together when +he was at home, but had not slept together for years. He kept the house +comfortably enough,—perhaps he would so long as she took trouble about +it, for he did not care so long as he got his food good. Yes she did +meet a friend. It got her luxuries she could not get any other way; her +husband knew she got money elsewhere, for she dressed in a way he must +know his money would not enable her to do. He asked no questions, and +did not care nor heed, nor seem to notice. That was pretty well all I +ever got out of her. Hannah drunk, and talking to me one day said he was +a very little man, and a brewer's clerk, "a hop o' my thumb," she called +him. "Never mind what my friend does," said Louisa, "I've known him some +years,—he does something of course, he does not meet me for nothing, +but I tell you he has never spent in me,—no man has spent in me for +years but you." "Do you frig your friend?" "If you like, anything else +you like, it's all the same,—I'm not going to say; but neither he +nor any one else has spent in me,—no man's seed has been up me for +two years or more. The first night you had me I spent first, you spent +after; the next time as your seed touched me, I felt a shiver run right +through me, and I got in the family way at that very instant, I'm sure." +Louisa was particular in her language, she never said "spunk,"—thought +it a nasty word,—she always said "seed," or "stuff" when she spoke of +my sperm,—Sarah called it "muck". +

+

+Though I had had such lots of women, and had heard of most things, +yet simple, straightforward fucking had engrossed me, I rarely had +out-of-the-way lusts and letches, and I never thought to ask if her +friend buggered or sucked her, or if she sucked him, or what little +amusements they were up to. At all events she must have satisfied him +some way, for he had known her she said some years. A man was likely to +stick to Louisa, for she was a magnificent piece of flesh, from her neck +to her ankles. +

+

+So I believed Louisa, and felt interested in her belly beginning to +swell, but did not want the young one, or the troubles of paternity, or +to get her into trouble; besides I had no affection for her, though I +liked fucking her better and better. +

+

+Louisa then was away ill; I saw her again when her womb was cleared out, +and we took to fucking as usual. One day in baudy vagaries we had been +posturing, and she straddled across my face, bringing her cunt right on +to my mouth, and my nose to her bum, she had been asking me if I ever +kissed Sarah in any way but the straight one. She began kissing my pega +as she lay on the top of me, I kissed her buttocks, but took no hint, if +any were intended. She was very heavy, and I noticed for the first time +a strongish odour from her cunt which annoyed me; afterwards I used +often to fancy she had a strong smell about her quim, and was fool +enough to tell her so, which offended her? but we made it up. +

+

+After a little time she began asking me if I had not forgotten +Sarah,—did I love her as much?—did I long to have her again?—did she +(Louisa) not give me as much pleasure as Sarah? I had then got over my +desolation a little, and only thought of Sarah and her exquisite form +with a sigh, was annoyed that she had not written to me, and I began to +confess to myself, that for fucking, Sarah was not to be compared with +Louisa. Then I began to wonder at my having been so infatuated, and +let it out to Louisa one night. She said she wished I would keep +her,—three pounds a week, and she would make it do, and so on; and I +began to think seriously about the matter, for the expenses at the baudy +house were nearly that amount; and although my delicate senses had began +to revolt at the strong smell of Louisa, yet her voluptuousness was +enticing, and was making me actually constant to her. I had quite left +off my Mulatto, Brighton Bessie, and one or two others of my queens. +

+

+Louisa was again taken ill,—the consequence of her miscarriage, and of +the measures taken to bring that on I was told. She got worse and worse, +and was in great danger; she never wrote to me, but often to Hannah, and +her letters which I saw always referred to me affectionately; above all +she wanted to know what ladies I had at J...s Street. Hannah winking at +me used to say, "I'd like to know where you put it away now,—it's put +somewhere." I had taken no women to that house; but laughing said I was +chaste. Hannah did not believe that, so I said I frigged myself. "You +don't spill it about in that way," said she, "let me feel it,"—and she +put her hand outside my clothes on to my tool. "Oho!—oho!—oho!" said +she, for I stiffened. Then she brought me her accounts to cast up, and +when it was done, "I shall take a nap," said she, "you go now, for I +expect Mrs. ——— and a strange lady" (I had looked in casually that +morning),—and getting on to the bed she laid down showing her legs +liberally, and looking at me all the time. "Good bye," I said, and left; +but have thought since that Hannah wanted me to have her. She never +before or since looked at me in that way, nor behaved with such freedom +when we were alone. +

+

+Her bed was as I have I think already told, in the front-parlour in +J...s Street, and in an alcove, as many beds are in French hotels and +houses; and when the curtains were drawn across it, the bed was entirely +hidden. +

+

+And then when without a woman at my command, and with a frequent need +for one, another piece of luck befell me. The way had been paved for it +before Louisa was so ill. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XVI. +

+
+     A friend's maid-servant.—Jenny.—Initial familiarity.—A
+     bum pinched.—Jenny communicative.—Her young man.—An
+     attempt, a failure, a faint, a look, and a sniff.—
+     Restoratives.
+
+

+I knew an elderly couple who were childless, and lived in a nice little +house in the suburbs with, a long garden in front, and one at the back +as well; they were in comfortable but moderate circumstances, and kept +two servants only. Every year they went to the seaside, taking one +servant with them, and leaving the other at home to look after the +house; and usually some one to take charge of it with her. This year +they asked if I would when I passed the house (as I frequently did) call +in, and see if all was going properly, for the housemaid left in charge +was young, and her sister, a married woman, usually only stopped the +night with her, leaving early each morning for work in which she was +daily engaged. She was an upholstress. +

+

+I knew the servant whose name was Jane. She had been with the family +some months. I often dined at the house; and once or twice when she had +opened the garden-gate (always locked at nightfall), to let me out, I +had kissed her, and tipped her shillings. She was a shortish, fat-bummed +wench. Not long before this time I gave her bum such a hard pinch one +night, that she cried out. A day or two afterwards I said, "Was it +not black and blue?" "I don't know." "Let me see." "It's like your +impertance," she replied. +

+

+After that I used to ask her when I got the chance, to let me see if +the finger-marks were there, at which she would blush a little, and turn +away her head, but nothing further had come of the liberty. +

+

+When I called at the house I had no intention about the girl, as far as +I can recollect. She opened the door, and heard my errand and questions. +Yes all was right. Did her sister come and sleep there? Yes. Was she +there now? No, she would not be there till nearly dark. I stepped +inside, for then I thought of larking with her. "I am tired, and will +rest a little," and stepped into the parlour, sat down on a sofa, began +questioning her about a lot of trifles, and in doing so thought of the +pinch I had given her bum, and my cock began to tingle. Then I thought +she was alone in the house. "Oh! if she would let me fuck her!—has she +been broached?—she is nice and plump." Curiosity increased my lust, and +unpremeditatingly I began the approaches for the attack, though I only +meant a little amatory chaffing. +

+

+"Is it black and blue yet Jenny?" She did not for the instant seem to +recollect, for she asked me innocently enough, "What sir?" "Your bum +where I pinched it." She laughed, checked herself, coloured up, and +said, "Oh! don't begin that nonsense sir." I went on chaffing. "How +I should like to have pinched it under your clothes,—but no I would +sooner kiss it than pinch it." "Oh! if you're a going on like that I'll +go to the kitchen." I stood before the door, and stopped her going out. +"Now give me a kiss." I caught and kissed her, then gave a lot, and got +a return from her. "I won't—Lor there then,—what a one you are,"—and +so on. "Well Jenny one kiss, and you may afterwards kiss whenever you +want you know." And so she seemed to think, for I got her to sit down +on the sofa, and we gossiped and kissed at intervals, till my cock got +unruly. "What a fat bum you have," said I. Then she attempted to rise, I +pulled her back, we went on gossiping, and kissing at intervals. She got +quite interested in my talk as I sat with one arm round her waist, and +another on her thigh, outside her clothes of course. +

+

+So for a while; but I was approaching another stage, was getting randy, +and reckless. "Lord how I'd like to be in bed with you, to feel that fat +bum of yours, to feel your c—u—n—t," spelling it, "to f—u—-c—k it +I'd give a five-pound note," said I all in a burst, and stooping, got +my hand up her clothes on to her thigh. She gave a howl. "Oh! I say +now,—what a shame!—oh! you beast." I shoved her back on the sofa +upsetting her, got my lips on her thighs, and kissed them. Then she +escaped me, and breathing hard, stood up looking at me after her +struggle. "Oh! I wouldn't have believed it," said she panting with the +exertion. What a lot of women I have heard say, they would not have +believed it, when I first made a snatch at their privates. I suppose +they say what they mean. +

+

+Begging her pardon, "I could not help it," I said, "you are so pretty +and nice,—I'd give ten pounds to be in bed with you an hour." "Well I'm +sure." "Think what it is not to have a woman you like." "Well I'm sure +sir, you are a married man,—you've got a partner, and ought to know +better,—Missus would not have asked you to call if she'd a know'd +you,—she thinks there's no gent like you,—what would she say if I tell +her?" "But you won't my dear." "She thinks you a perfect gentleman, and +most unlucky," the girl went on to say, "and she is sorry for you too." +

+

+"Oh! she does not know all, but you've heard, have you Jenny?" I tried +to make her sit on the sofa again, and promising that I would not forget +myself any more she did so. We kissed and made it up, and talking I soon +relapsed into baudiness. +

+

+The quarrelsome life I led with the oldish woman at home was I knew well +understood by the old couple. "I lead a miserable life," said I. "Oh! +yes I know all about it," said the girl "Master and Missus often talk +about you,—but you're very gay, ain't you?" Then I told this girl a +lot. "Think my dear what it is not even to sleep with a woman for two +months,—for two months we have never slept together,—I've never seen +her undressed,—never touched her flesh,—you know what people marry +for,—I want a woman,—you know what I mean don't you,—every night what +am I to do?—I love laying belly to belly naked with a nice woman, and +taking my pleasure with her,—so of course I can't keep from having +other women at times,—you don't know what an awful thing it is to have +a stiff prick, and not a nice woman to relieve it." She gave me a push, +got up, and made for the door at the word prick. Again I stopped her. +She had sat staring at me with her mouth wide open, without saying a +word, all the time I had been telling the baudy narrative of domestic +trouble, as if she were quite stupefied by my plain language until she +suddenly jumped up, and made for the door without saying a word. +

+

+I was as quick as she, caught her, put my back against the door, and +would not let her go, but could not get her to look me in the face, +I had so upset her. There we stood, I begging her to sit down, and +promising not to talk so again, she saying, "Now let me go,—let me +out." "No,—sit down." "No." But in about a quarter of an hour she did, +and then again I told her of my trouble, avoided all straighforward +allusion to my wanting other women, but hinted it enough. She got +interested, and asked me no end of questions. "Lord why don't you +separate,—if I quarrel with my husband so, I'm sure I will,—I tell my +young man so." "Oh! you have a sweetheart." Yes she had,—a grocer's +shopman,—he lived at Brighton, came up third class to see her every +fortnight, starting early, and going back late. She was flattered by +my enquiries, told me all about him and herself, their intention to +get married in a year; and I sat and listened with one hand outside her +clothes on her thigh, and thinking how I could best manage to get into +her. +

+

+"He goes with women," said I to make her jealous. "He don't I'm +sure,—if he did, and I found it out, I'd tear his eyes out, and break +off with him, though he says Brighton is a dreadful place for them +hussies." She got quite excited at the idea. "When he comes up, you and +he enjoy yourselves,—his hands have been where mine have to-night." "No +he hasn't,—if he dared I'd—now I don't like this talk,—you said you +wouldn't,—leave me alone,—you keep breaking your word." Another +little scuffle, a kiss, and a promise. "Why should you not enjoy +yourselves?—who would know anything about it but yourselves,—it's so +delicious to feel yourselves naked in each other's arms, your bellies +close together." "Get away now,"—and she tried to get up. I got my hand +up her clothes, pulled her on to the sofa, and holding her down with +one hand, pressed myself sideways on her, and kissed her, pulling out my +prick with the other. +

+

+Then she cried out so loudly that I was alarmed, for the window at the +back was open. "Hush,—be quiet,—there,—I've touched your cunt." I +pulled one of her hands on to my prick. "Oh! for shame Jenny you touched +my prick." Again she got up, and made for the door; so did I, and stood +there with my back to it, and my poker out in front of me. "Come and +open the door my dear, and you will run against this." She turned her +head away, and would not look. "Why don't you come on?—if you run up +against it, it won't hurt you,—it's soft though it's stiff." "I'll +write to my Mistress to-night," said she, and turned away. "Do my +pet,—tell her how stiff it was, and the old lady will want to see it +when she comes back." "It's disgraceful." "No my dear, it's to be proud +of,—why you're looking at it I can see." +

+

+Then she turned quite away. "That's right dear,—now I can see where I +pinched your bum,—it was not far from your little quim,—oh! if that +could talk, it would ask to be introduced to this,—it's hot, isn't it +Jenny?" I said, this and a lot more. She had walked to the back-window, +and stood looking into the garden whilst I rattled on. "You're laughing +Jenny." "It's a story," said she, "I'm insulted,"—and turned round with +a stern face. I shook my tooleywagger. "How ill-tempered you look,—come +and feel this, and you'll be sweet-tempered at once." She turned round +to the window again. +

+

+"I will write my Missus,—that I will." "Do dear." +

+

+"My sister will be here directly." "You said she comes at dusk,—it +won't be dark for three hours." "I wish you would go,—what will people +say if they know you're here?" "Don't be uneasy,—they will know no more +than they know of your doings with your young man." "There is nothing to +know about, but what is quite proper." +

+

+So we stood. She looking out of the window, and turning round from time +to time. I standing by the door with my prick out; then I approached +her quietly. "Feel it Jenny,—take pity on it." "Oh! for God's sake +sir, what are you doing?" She turned and pushed me back, then retreated +herself, keeping her face to the window as she stepped backwards. "Oh! +there is Miss and Mrs. Brown walking in the next garden." Sure enough +there were two ladies there; they could have seen everything close to +the window over the low wall which separated the gardens; and had they +been looking, must have seen Jenny, me, and my prick. "Oh! if they have +seen, they will tell my Missus, and she'll tell my young man, and +I shall be ruined,—oh!—oh!—oh!" said she sinking back into an +arm-chair with a flood of tears,—half funk and shock, and perhaps +randiness, causing it. +

+

+I was alarmed. "Oh!" she sobbed, "if they saw you,—hoh!—ho!—and it +was no fault of mine,—you're a bad man,—oho! oho!" She sat with +her hands to her face, her elbows on her knees. I dropped on my knees +imploring her to be quiet, was sure no one had seen me, and tried to +kiss her. The position was inviting, I slid my hands up her clothes +between her thighs, she took no notice, was evidently in distress, not +even conscious of the invasion. A bold push, and my fingers touched +her cunt. I forgot all in the intensity of my enjoyment, at feeling my +fingers on the edge of the soft, warm nick. No repulse I I looked up, +she sank back in the chair, seemingly unconscious and deadly white. +

+

+I withdrew my hand, then came a mental struggle; my first impulse was to +get cold water, the next to look at her cunt. I went towards the door, +turned round to look at her. Her calves were visible, I ran back, and +lifted her clothes, so that I could just see her cunt-hair, gave her +thighs a kiss, and then rushed downstairs, got water, and as I entered +the room she was recovering. She knew nothing or next to nothing of what +had occured, nor that my fingers had touched her clitoris, though she +had not actually fainted. +

+

+"I wish I had some brandy," she said, "I feel so weak." "Is there any +in the side-board?" "No." "I'll go and get a little." A few hundred feet +from the house down a side-door, was a public-house. As I was going, +"You will let me in again?" I said. "If you promise not to touch me." +She looked so pale that I fetched brandy, but put the street-door key +in my pocket as I went. "If she don't let me in," I thought, "she shan't +have the key,—and what will she tell her sister about that?" It was +a key almost as big as a shovel; she never noticed that I had taken it +away. She thought by her dodge that she had got rid of me, and told me +so afterwards. +

+

+I brought back the brandy and knocked. "Let me in." "I won't." "Then you +shan't have the street-door key." This was spoken to each other through +the closed door. A pause, then the door opened. "You are coming Jenny." +We went downstairs into the kitchen, she had brandy and water, and so +had I. It was a hot day, the pump-water was deliriously cool, I made +hers as strong as she would take it,—it was an instinct of mine. She +got her colour back, and became talkative, we talked about her fainting, +but she tried to avoid talking about it, and did not want me to refer to +what had led to it. I did, and was delighted to think that it was owing +to what is called "exposing my person." +

+

+"I don't think the ladies saw it, so you need not have been so +frightened Jenny,—but you saw it, did you not?" No reply. "I saw you +looking at it." "It's a story." "Why did you faint?" "I always feel +faint if I am startled." "What startled you?" "Nothing." "You saw it, +and you put your hand over it to hide it, and you touched it." "It's a +story,—I wish you'd go." "You ungrateful little devil, when I've just +fetched you brandy." "It's through you that I felt ill." "Why?" No +reply. "Don't be foolish,—it was for fear that the ladies should have +seen my prick so near you,—now look at it,"—and I pulled it out, it +was not stiff. "It was twice the size when you saw it,—feel it, and it +will soon be bigger." +

+

+The girl rose saying she would go and remain in the forecourt till her +sister came, if I did not leave, but I prevented her going out of the +kitchen. She began to cry again, and had a little more brandy and water. +My talk took its old channel. +

+

+"Do you know how long you were fainting?" "I didn't faint, but only a +minute or so." "Do you know what I did?" She was sitting down, then got +upright, looked at me full in the face, her eyes almost starting out of +her head. "What did you do!—what?—what?—what?" She spoke hurriedly, +anxiously, in an agitated manner. "I threw up your clothes, kissed your +cunt, and felt it." +

+

+"It's a lie,—it's a lie." "It's true,—and the hair is short, and +darker than the hair of your head,—and your thighs are so white,—and +your garters are made of blue cloth,—and I felt it, the dear little +split,—how I wish my belly had been up against it I—what a lovely +smell it has!" (putting my fingers to my nose). +

+

+"Oho!—oho!—oho!" said she bursting into tears, "what a shame to take +liberties with a poor girl when she can't help herself,—oho!—oho!—you +must be a bad man,—Missus had no business to send you to look after +me, as if she could not trust me,—she don't know what sort of man you +are,—and a gentleman too,—oho!—and married too,—it's a shame,—oho! +—oho! I don't believe you though,—oho—o—o." And when I told her +again the colour and the make of her garters, she nearly howled. "You +mean man to do such a thing when I was ill." +

+

+I kissed her, she let me, but went on blubbering. "I've a good mind to +tell my young man." "That will be foolish, because you and I mean to +have more pleasure than we have had,—and he'll never be any the wiser +but if you tell him, he'll think it's your fault." +

+

+This had occupied some hours, it was getting dark, but it seemed only as +if I had been there some minutes, so deliriously exciting are lascivious +acts and words. The charm of talking baudily to a woman for the first +time, is such, that hours fly away just like minutes. +

+

+I got her on to my lap and kissed her. She was so feeble that I put my +hands up her clothes nearly to her knees before she repulsed them. Then +I feared her sister coming home; she promised to hide the brandy, and we +parted. She kissed me, and let me feel to her knees to induce me to go. +"Oh! for God's sake sir, do go before my sister comes." My last words +were. "Mind you've felt my cock, and I've felt your cunt." "Pray +go"—and I departed, leaving her tearful, excited, and in a state of +exhaustion which seemed to me unaccountable. +

+

+Probably had I persisted a little longer I should have had her, such +was the lassitude into which she had fallen; but I felt that I had made +progress, and went home rejoicing, and forming plans for the future. +When I had had some food, and thought over the matter, I came to the +conclusion that I had been a fool in leaving her, and that had I pushed +matters more determinate at the last moment, I should have certainly +fucked her before I had left. I was mad with myself when I reflected on +that, and the opportunity lost, which might not occur again. +

+

+Jenny had not fainted quite, but though unable to speak, resist, or +indeed move, she must have been partially conscious. I think this from +what I know of her nature afterwards. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XVII. +

+
+     When are women most lewd.—Garters, money, and promises.—
+     About my servant.—The neckerchief.—Armpits felt.—Warm
+     hints.—Lewd suggestions.—Baudy language.—Tickling.—
+     "Fanny Hill".—Garters tried.—Red fingers.—Struggle, and
+     escape.—Locked out.—I leave.—Baudy predictions, and
+     verifications.
+
+

+I have a confused recollection of thinking myself the next day an ass, +for having missed a good opportunity of spermatizing a fresh cunt; yet +for some reason or another it must have been three days before I went to +try my luck again. +

+

+I had about this time of my life began to frame intentions, and +calculate my actions towards women; although still mostly ruled by +impulse and opportunity in love matters. My philosophy was owing to +experience, and also in a degree to my friend the Major, to whom some +years before I had confided my having commissioned a French woman to get +me a virgin. He was older, poorer, and more dissolute than ever, "He is +the baudiest old rascal that ever I heard tell a story," was the remark +of a man at our Club one night. Ask him to dinner in a quiet way by +himself, give him unlimited wine, and he would in an hour or two begin +his confidential advice in the amatory line, and in a wonderful manner +tell of his own adventures, and give reasons why he did this or that, +why he succeeded with this woman, or missed that girl, in a way as +amusing, and instructive to a young listener, as could be imagined. +

+

+"If you want to get over a girl," he would say, "never flurry her till +her belly's full of meat and wine; let the grub work. As long as she is +worth fucking, it's sure to make a woman randy at some time. If she is +not twenty-five she'll be randy directly her belly is filled,—then go +at her. If she's thirty, give her half-an-hour. If she's thirty-five let +her digest an hour, she won't feel the warmth of the dinner in her cunt +till then. Then she'll want to piss, and directly after that she'll +be ready for you without her knowing it. But don't flurry your young +un,—talk a little quiet smut whilst feeding, just to make her laugh +and think of baudy things; then when she has left table, get at her. But +it's well," the old Major would say, "to leave a woman alone in a room +for a few minutes after she has dined, perhaps then she will let slip a +fart or two, perhaps she'll piss,—she'll be all the better for the wind +and water being out. A woman's cunt doesn't get piss-proud like a man's +prick you know, they're differently made from us my boy,—but show any +one of them your prick as soon as you can, it's a great persuader. Once +they have seen it they can't forget it, it will keep in their minds. +And a baudy book, they won't ever look at till you've fucked them!—oh! +won't they!—they would at church if you left them alone with it." And +so the Major instructed us. +

+

+About three days afterwards, taking a pair of garters, two small showy +neckerchiefs, and Fanny Hill with me, I knocked at the door. "Oh! +you!" said she colouring up. "Yes,—is everything right?" "Yes! all +right, what should be the matter sir?" She stood at the street-door +holding it open, though I had entered the hall. I turned, closed the +door, and caught hold of her. +

+

+"Now none of that pray sir, you insulted me enough last time." "I could +not help it, you're so lovely, it's your fault,—forgive me, and I won't +do so any more,—here is a sovereign, take it, kiss me, and make it +up." "I don't want your money," said she sulkily. "Take it, I give it +with real pleasure,—what I had the other day was worth double." +

+

+"I won't be paid for your rudeness, if that's what you mean." "Lord my +dear I've no occasion to pay for that, I took it without pay,—I wish I +could get what I told you yesterday,—I'd give ten times the sum." "You +are going on again." "Don't be foolish,—take it, buy a pair of silk +stockings." "Your plump legs would look so nice in them,"—and I forced +her to put the money into her pocket. +

+

+Then I got her to the parlour, to sit down, to allow me to kiss her, +and then to talk about me and my "Missus," as she called her, a subject +which seemed to excite her, for she began asking me question after +question, and listened to all I said with breathless attention about my +daily habits, rows, and fast doings. Once I stopped at some question. +"I won't tell you that." "Oh! do,—do." "No it's curious." "Do,—do." It +was about a pretty servant-girl whom I had noticed in my house. "It will +offend you if I do." "No it won't." "Well give me a kiss then." +

+

+She kissed me. She had stood up a moment, now she sat down again by me +on the sofa. I went on with my story, every now and then I stopped till +she kissed me, it came to a kiss every minute, as I sat with my arm +round her waist, talking. +

+

+Said I, "It was a servant whom my wife turned out at a day's notice,—a +pretty girl,—I had taken to kissing her, and then I nudged her +somewhere you know. One night when she opened the door, I saw by the +light that my wife was in our bed-room. 'Is your Mistress upstairs?' +'Yes sir.' 'And the cook?' 'Yes.' Then I closed with her. 'Don't sir, +Missus will hear.' I hugged her closer, shoved her up against the wall, +got my hand on to her cunt, felt her, and gave her half-a-sovereign. How +delicious it was to get the fingers on to the wet nick of that pretty +girl, and say, 'How I should like to fuck that Mary.'" I told it in +words like that to Jenny, and she sat listening. At the word "fuck" up +she got. +

+

+"You are a going on rude again." "You asked me." "Not for that." "But +that's what I had to tell, what you kissed me to tell." "I didn't think +you would say rude things." "Sit down, and I'll tell you without rude +words." And so I did, telling all over again with additions, but instead +of saying "cunt," "fuck," and so on, said, "I got my hand you know +where,"—"and then she let me you know what,"—"she was frightened to +let me do, you guess what I wanted." +

+

+"Luckily though she foolishly told her fellow-servant, she did not say +who had been feeling her. That sneak told my wife, who told me about it, +or all she knew, and said she could not keep such an improper girl in +the house as that. 'But the other servant may have told a lie to spite +her.' 'Perhaps, but I'll turn her out too',—and so she did, both left." +

+

+Thus I talked to Jenny till I expect her quim was hot enough; then said +I, "Here is a pretty neckerchief,—put it on." "Oh! how pretty." "I +won't give it you unless you put it on." She went to the glass and +unbuttoned the top of her dress, which was made to button on the front. +I saw her white fat bosom, she threw the kerchief round the neck, and +tried to push it down the back. "Let me put it down,—it's difficult." +She let me. "You are not unbuttoned enough,—it's too tight." She undid +another button, I pushed down the kerchief, and releasing my hand as I +stood at the back of her, put it over her shoulder, and down in front, +pushing it well under her left breast. "Oh! what a lovely breast you +have,—let me kiss it." +

+

+A shriek, a scuffle; In the scuffle I burst off a button or two, which +exposed her breast, and getting my hand on to one of the globes began +feeling and kissing it. Then I slid my hand further down, and under her +armpit. "Oh! what a shame,—don't,—I don't like it." "How lovely,—kiss, +kiss,—oh! Jenny what a lot of hair I can feel under here." +"Oh!—screach,—screach,—oh! don't tickle me,—oh!—oh!,"—and she +crouched as women do who can't bear tickling. I saw my advantage. "Are +you ticklish?" "Yes,—oh!—(screach,—screach),—oh! leave off." +

+

+Instead of leaving off I tickled harder than ever. She got my hand out, +but I closed on her, tickling her under her arm, pinching her sides, and +got her into such a state of excitement, that directly I touched her she +screached with wild laughter; the very idea of being touched made her +shiver. We were on the sofa, she yelling struggling whilst I pinched +her, she trying to get away from me, but fruitlessly; I buried my face +in her breasts which were now largely exposed, and she fell back I with +my face on her, and holding her tight. Then I put one hand down, feeling +outside for her notch; that stopped her screaching, and she pushed me +off as she got up. +

+

+I soothed her, begged pardon, spoke of the hair in her armpits, wondered +if it was the same colour that it was lower down. Now she shammed anger, +boxed my ears, and we make it up. I produced the garters. "Oh! what a +lovely pair." "They're yours if you let me put them on." "I won't." "Let +me put on halfway up." "No." "Just above the ankle." "No, my stockings +are dirty." "Never mind." "No." Then she made an excuse, said she must +see to something, and left the room. I thought she was going to piddle. +

+

+She came back. I found afterwards she had been out to lace up her boots, +they were untidy. It was coquettishness, female instinct, for she wanted +the garters, and meant to let me try them on, though refusing. "Where +do you garter, about knee?" "I shan't tell you." "I've seen,—let me put +them on below the knees." "No." "Then I'll give them to another woman +who will let me." "I don't care." I threw the garters on to the table +after some fruitless attempts. I was getting awfully lewd with our +conversation. +

+

+"Do you like reading?" "Yes." "Pictures?" "Yes." "I've a curious book +here." "What is it?" I took the book out. "The Adventures of Fanny Hill" +"Who was she?" "A gay lady,—it tells how she was seduced, how she had +lots of lovers, was caught in bed with men,—would you like to read it?" +"I should." "We will read it together,—but look at the pictures,"—this +the fourth or fifth time in my life I have tried this manoeuvre with +women. +

+

+I opened the book at a picture of a plump, leering, lecherous-looking +woman squatting, and pissing on the floor, and holding a dark-red, +black-haired, thick-lipped cunt open with her fingers. All sorts of +little baudy sketches were round the margin of the picture. The early +editions of Fanny Hill had that frontispiece. +

+

+She was flabbergasted, silent. Then she burst out laughing, stopped and +said, "What a nasty book,—such books ought to be burnt." "I like them, +they're so funny." I turned over a page. "Look, here is she with a boy +who sold her watercresses, is not his prick a big one?" She looked +on silently, I heard her breathing hard. I turned over picture after +picture. Suddenly she knocked the book out of my hand to the other side +of the room. "I won't see such things," said she. "Won't you look at it +by yourself?" "If you leave it here I'll burn it." "No you won't, you'll +take it to bed with you." There I left the book lying, it was open and +the frontispiece showing. "Look at her legs," said I, for we could see +the picture as we sat on the sofa; and I began to kiss and tickle her +again. +

+

+She shrieked, laughed, got away, and rushed to the door. I brought her +back, desisted from tickling and lewd talking, though I was getting +randier than ever. "Now have the garters,—let me put one round the +leg, just to see how it looks,—just half-way up the calf." After much +persuasion, after pulling up my trowsers, and showing how a garter +looked round my calf, she partly consented. "Promise me you won't tickle +me." I promised everything. +

+

+I dropped on one knee, she sat on the sofa. "Put one foot on my leg." +She put one foot there, and carefully raised her clothes an inch or +two above the boot-top. "A little higher." She raised it holding her +petticoats tight round the leg, and I slipped the garter round it. "It's +too loose, raise a little more." "I won't any higher,—I can see how it +looks." "Won't they look nice when they are above the knee? and won't +your young man be pleased when he sees them there." "My young man won't +see them any more than you will." "Let me slip on the other." The same +process, the same care on her part. She bestowed all her care on the +limb I was gartering, lest I should slip the garter higher up. The +remainder of her clothes were loose round her other leg. Then I pushed +my hand up her clothes and herself back on the sofa, relinquishing the +leg I was gartering. +

+

+Rapidly my hand felt thighs, hair, cunt, How wet! What is this which +catches my fingers?—what is it they are gliding between? With a yell +she pushed me away, and got up as I withdrew my fingers. She had a +napkin on, my fingers were stained red. "Oh, you beast," said she +bursting into tears. I caught hold of her, and began to tickle her; she +pushed me violently away, and escaping, rushed downstairs, slammed the +kitchen-door in my face, and locked herself in. I have been accustomed +to this behaviour on similar occasions. +

+

+I stood outside begging pardon, talking baudiness, I tried to burst open +the door, and could not. I was not fond of poorliness in women, had a +keen nose, and oftentimes could smell a woman if poorly, even with her +clothes down; how it was I did not smell her, considering how near +my nose had been to her split and her breasts, I can't say, but suppose +randiness overcame my other senses. I played with my prick which was in +an inflammatory state, feeling it made me much randier, I called through +the door how I wanted to fuck her, how my prick was bursting, how +I would frig myself if she did not let me. "What a hard-hearted +girl,—I'll give you ten pounds to let me,—who will know it, but you +and me?" and a lot more; but it was of no use, and at length I went +upstairs, determining to wait, and thinking that in time she might +follow me. +

+

+On the sofa I sat thinking of what I had done. There lay one garter, +I took it up, and rolled it round my pego. I rubbed the tip with it, +thinking it might be a spell. I took up Fanny Hill, got more excitedly +reading the book, looking at its salacious pictures, and feeling my +prick at the same time. Then the sense ol pleasure got beyond control, +and laying down the book on the floor just beneath me, where I could +see a baudy picture, I turned on my side on the sofa, and frigged till a +shower of spunk shot out. +

+

+Then down I went. The door was still locked, my senses were calmed, but +I talked baudy, and offered her money without a reply; growing tired, +I bawled out, "I'm going,—you will let me in a day or two, and get the +ten pounds towards the new shop,—you won't be so unkind when I come +again." "I'll take good care never to let you in," said she. They were +the only words I could get out of her. I went upstairs, took a slip of +paper, and wrote on it, "I have wrapped the garter round my prick, it +is a charm. Directly you put it on I shall know, for my prick will +stiffen,—you will put it on I am sure; and directly my prick stiffens, +your cunt will long to have it up it, even if I am miles away. You will +put the garter on, for you can't help doing so,—I'm sure to fuck +you, neither you nor I could avoid it if we would. Why should we deny +ourselves the pleasure,—no one will know it, and you will be ten pounds +the richer." I wrote that or something nearly like it, and charmed with +my own wit, rubbed the garter over the top of my prick till I left the +smell on it, then laid it on the table over the paper I had written, and +went away, taking Fanny Hill with me. +

+

+It is a positive fact, that about two hours afterwards I had a violent +randy throbbing in my prick, and found out later on that just at that +very time she had put that garter on. +

+

+(And now for the complete understanding of what follows, it must be +stated that the house was in plan nearly like that which I inhabited +when I had my beautiful servant Mary. Kitchens in the basement, two +parlours with folding doors between them, nearly always open; and rooms +back and front over the parlours; and that my absent friend did with +those rooms whilst absent at the seaside, what was not unusual with +people of their class in those days, lock most of them up, leaving only +sufficient for the servant, or caretaker, to inhabit.) +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XVIII. +

+
+     "Fanny Hill" sent to Jenny.—My next visit.—Thunder,
+     lightning, sherry, and lust.—A chase round a table.—The
+     money taken.—Tickling and micturating.—A search for "Fanny
+     Hill".—A chase upstairs.—In the bed-room.—Thunder, funk,
+     and lewdness.—Intimidation and coaxing.—Over and under.—A
+     rapid spender.—Virginity doubtful.—Fears, tears, and
+     fucking.
+
+

+I waited a few days to ensure her poorliness being over. I had not left +her Fanny Hill, but why I cannot tell, for I knew how baudy books +excited a woman. The night before my next attack, I wrapped up the book, +directed it to her, gave a boy sixpence to deliver it, hid myself by a +lilac which was in the front-garden close to the road, and saw the boy +give it to her, and go off quickly as I had told him. It was just dark, +and too dark inside the passage of the house to see; for Jenny stepped +outside the house so as to get light, and stripped off the envelope. +I saw also that she opened the book, closed it, looked rapidly on both +sides, then stepped inside, and closed the door. I expect that her cunt +got hot enough that night. I saw her sister who slept with her nightly, +going through the front-garden soon afterwards, and Jenny open the door +for her. I had then moved off to a safe distance, the other side of the +road. +

+

+Jenny was fond of finery, and I had heard the old lady of the house +declaiming about it. Her pleasure at the showy neckerchief and garters +was great, so I bought a pretty broach, and filling my purse with +sovereigns determined to have her at any cost, for my letch for her had +got violent. The next day I had a good luncheon, went to the house just +after her dinnertime, and took with me a bottle of sherry. I recollect +the morning well. It was a sultry day, reeking with moisture; it had +been thundering, the clouds were dark and threatening, the air charged +with electricity. Such a day makes all creation randy, and you may +see every monkey at the Zoological Gardens frigging or fucking. I was +resolute with lustful heat, the girl was I expected under the same +influence, and taking her as I did after a lazy meal, everything was +propitious to me. "How shall I get in?—if I knock she may not open; and +if she sees me go up the front-garden she won't open." But I had to try, +so walked up to the door, and gave one single loud tradesman's knock. +

+

+There was a little porch and a shelter over the street-door. Standing +flat up against the door, so that I might be hidden from her sight if +peeping, I heard an upper window open. She looked out, but where I was +she could not see me. There was delay, so again I knocked, and soon the +door began to open, I pushed it and stepped in. The front-shutters on +the ground-floor to my wonder were closed. +

+

+"Hoh! sir—you," said Jenny amazed, "what do you want?" I pushed the +door to, and caught hold of her. "I've come to have a chat and a kiss." +She struggled, but I got her tight, and kissed as a randy man then +kisses a woman, it is a magnetizing thing. "Oh! there it is again," +she cried as a loud thunder-clap was heard; "oh! let me go,—oh! it do +frighten me so." +

+

+"Where are you going?" "Oh I into the parlour,—I've closed the +shutters." The girl was in a panic, and did not know what she said. The +parlour-door was open, the room nearly dark, which suited me. She went +just in, and then turned round to go out, but I pulled her to the sofa. +A flash of lightning showed even in the darkened room, the girl cowered +and hid her face with her hands. I took her round the waist. "Shut your +eyes, and lean your head against me." Mechanically she did, she was +utterly unnerved. I felt down with my right hand the form of her thighs +and haunches through her clothes. My prick began to stand, pulling +it out, and taking her near hand I put it round my prick just as the +thunder roared. She kept her hand unconsciously on it for a time, then +with a start took it away and jumped up. "Oh! it's wicked," said she, +"when God Almighty is so angry,"—and just as she got to the door a +terrific flash made her turn round again. I caught her, and sitting +down on a chair pulled her on to my knee; she hid at once her face on my +shoulder in terror. +

+

+Coaxing and soothing, and exciting her, in her fear she listened at +times twitching and oh-ing. I was sorry I had touched her cunt the other +day I said. "Oh! now don't." "Feel my prick again,—do dear." "Let me +go,—you've no business here." Another flash came, I put my hand up her +clothes, the tip of my fingers just touched her quim. She struggled and +got away, and in doing so upset the chair which fell down and broke. +"Oh! now what will my Missus say!" said she. Then a screech, and she got +to the other side of the table. +

+

+This went on a little longer, a gleam of sunshine came through the +shutters. Then she opened one shutter, and said if I did not go she +would open the window and call out. The light showed my pego, stiff, +red-tipped and ready. "Look what your feeling has done for this Jenny," +said I shaking my tooleywag at her. +

+

+But her resoluteness daunted me, so I promised not to do so again. "Here +is some sherry that I was taking home to taste,—let's have a glass,—it +will do both of us good after this thunder,—you look white, and as if +you wanted a glass." I had got out of her on a previous day that +she liked sherry. "I'll go and get you a glass," said she. "No you +shan't,—you will lock the door," said I,—I know that was in her mind. +No she would not. "We will go together then." +

+

+We did, and returning to the parlour under my most solemn promise +of good behaviour, down she sat, and we began drinking sherry. One +glass,—two, then another she swallowed. "No I dare not, it will get +into my head,—no more." "Nonsense,—after your fright it will do you +good." "Well half a glass." "Isn't it nice Jenny?" "It is." "Does not +your sweetheart give it you?" "At Christmas, but only one glass." The +sherry began to work. "Only another half-glass,"—and I poured it out +nearly full. Soon after I got up after filling my own, and standing +before her again filled up hers which she had sipped without her seeing +me. "Finish your glass dear." "No I can't,—it's making me so hot." +"Just another half-glass." "I won't." But she began to chatter and told +me again all about her young man, of their intending to open a grocer's +shop when they had two hundred pounds; that he had saved a certain sum, +and when he had a little more his father was to put fifty pounds to it. +She also had put money in the savings bank. I got closer to her, and +asked for a kiss. "Well I'll kiss you if you promise not to be rude +again." A kiss and a promise. She was one of the simplest and most open +girls I have ever met with, and once a half-feeling of remorse came over +me about my intentions, whilst she was talking on quite innocently about +her future; but my randy prick soon stopped that. +

+

+"What nonsense dear, your young man won't know that I have felt your +thighs, and you my thing, nor any one else what we do,—I have +thought of nothing else since I touched you,—kiss;—now let me do it +again,—just feel it,—only where my hand's been before,—I swear I +won't put my hand up higher, just above your garters,—have you got +those garters on?" "No." "Oh! you have." "Well I have." "Let me just +see." "I shan't." "I'll give you a sovereign to let me." "Shan't." +I pulled out the sovereign, put it on the table and spite of her +resistance pulled up her clothes just high enough to see one garter; +then clutching her round the waist I pushed my hands up, and touched a +well-developed clitoris. She struggled, but I kept my hand there, kissed +her rapturously, and frigged her; her cap fell off in her struggle. "Oh +I—can't—bear—it—now—sir;—I don't—oh!—like it,—oh!" Then with a +violent effort she got my hand away, but I held her fast to me. +

+

+"What a lovely smell your cunt has," said I putting the fingers just +withdrawn from her thighs up to my nose. I had always noticed that +nothing helps to make a woman more randy than that action; it seems +to overwhelm them with modest confusion; I have always done that +instinctively to a woman whom I was trying. +

+

+"Oh! what a man,—oh! let me pick up my cap." Just then I noticed her +hair was short, and remarked it. She was annoyed, her vanity hurt, +turned her thoughts entirely. "Yes," she said, "I had a fever two years +ago,—-but it's growing again." "Well it has grown enough on your cunt +dear,—did it fall off there?" "Oh! what a man!—oh! now what a shame!" +My hand was on her thighs again, and I managed another minute's frig, +and kept her close to me. +

+

+The heat had become excessive. What with struggling, and the excitement, +sweat was on both our faces. Her thighs by her crack were as wet as if +she had pissed them, her backside began to wriggle with pleasure, which +I knew I was giving her; but again with a violent effort she freed +herself from me, and as I put my hand to my nose she violently pulled it +away. The sherry was upsetting her wisdom. +

+

+"There is the sovereign," said I as she stood looking at me, "that will +help you." "Don't want it." Seeing where her pocket-hole was I pushed +it into it. "Oh! what a lucky sovereign, to lay so close to your cunt +Jenny,"—and pushing my hand into her pocket I touched the bottom of her +belly through the linen. Again a struggle, a repulse, then she put her +hand into her pocket. "You're feeling your cunt Jenny," said I. "O—oh!" +said she taking it out quickly, "I was feeling for the money,—I won't +have it." +

+

+Then I kissed her till the sweat ran off my face on to hers. "Oh! my +goodness," said she as it grew darker, "it's going to thunder again." +"Have another glass." "No it's gone into my head already." But she took +a gulp of mine. "Let's fuck you Jenny dear." "What?" "Fuck." "Shan't." +"Oh! you know what I mean." "No I don't, but it's something bad if it's +from you." I pulled out my prick, and tried to push her on the sofa. +She got away, and then with my prick out I chased her round the table. +"Leave off," said she, "a joke's a joke, but this is going too far." +She was getting lewd, and was staring at my prick which showed above the +table as I chased her. Quick as me she managed to keep just on the side +of it opposite to me. +

+

+"I'll swear I won't touch you again if you will sit down." "I won't +trust you,—you've been swearing all the afternoon." "So help me God I +will," said I, and meant it. "Well then not when you are like that." I +pushed my prick inside my trowsers, and then she sat down. What a +long time this takes to tell, what repetition! but there are not many +incidents I recollect more clearly. +

+

+Then I took out ten sovereigns, all bright, new ones, laid them on the +table, and then the broach. "Do you like that Jenny?" "Yes." "It is for +you if you will let me, and those ten sovereigns also." "You are a bad +man," said the girl, "and would make me forget myself and be ruined, +and without caring a bit,"—and she began rocking her head about, and +rolling her body as she sat beside me, and looking at the money. "Who +will know?—you won't tell your young man,—I shan't tell my wife,—let +me." "I shan't,—never,—never,—never,—never, if it was fifty pounds," +said she almost furiously. "He won't find it out." "Yes he would." +"Nonsense,—half the servants do it, yet marry,"—and then I told her of +some I had who had married. "No,—no,—no," she kept repeating, almost +bawling it out, as I told of Mary So-and-so who married a butler, and +Sarah So-and-so who married my greengrocer, though I'd fucked them over +and over again. "No,—no," looking at the money; then suddenly she took +up the broach, and laid it down again. +

+

+Before running round the table after her, I had thrown off my coat and +waistcoat. "It's so hot, I've a good mind to take off my trowsers," I +had said; but I had another motive. She seemed weaker, and was so, +for gradually she had got inflamed and lewd by heat, the electrical +condition of the atmosphere, the titillation of my finger on her seat of +pleasure, and the sight of my stiff penis. She had I expect, got to +that weak, yielding, voluptuous condition of mind and body, when a woman +knows she is wrong, yet cannot make up her mind to resist. Just then it +came into my mind to tickle her; and then followed a scene which is one +of the most amusing in my reminiscences. +

+

+She shrieked, and wriggled down on to the floor. I tried to mount her +there. She kicked, fought, so that though once my prick touched her +cunt-wig, I could not keep on the saddle. She forgot all propriety in +her fuddled excitement, and whilst screaching from my tickling, repeated +incoherently baudy words as I uttered them. "Let me fuck you." "You +shan't fuck me." "Let's put it just to your cunt." "You shan't,—you're +a blackguard,—oh! don't,—leave me alone,—wee I will feel it, +if you'll let me get up,—oh!—he! hi! hi!—for God's sake don't +tickle,—hi!—I shall go mad,—you shan't,—oh! don't,—oh I if you +don't leave off." "I shall,—I must." "Oh! pray,—you shall if you leave +off tickling then,—oh! don't pray,—oh! I shall piddle myself,—he! +he!" She was rolling on the floor, her thighs exposed, sometimes +backside, sometimes belly upwards with all its trimmings visible. "Oh! +it's your fault," and as she spoke actually piddle began to issue. I had +my hand on her thigh, and felt and saw it. +

+

+Randy as I was I burst out laughing; and she man-aged to get up, began +to push in her neckerchief which I had torn out of the front of her +dress, and arranged her hair. +

+

+"Oh! look at me,—if any one came, what a state I am in," said she +looking in the glass, and there she stood her breast heaving, her eyes +swollen, her mouth open, and breathing as if she had just run a mile, +but attempting nothing, saying nothing further, awaiting my attack. What +randy, pleasureable excitement she must have been in, though unconscious +of it, whilst only thinking of how to prevent my fucking her against her +will. +

+

+"You began piddling." "Didn't." "I felt the piddle on my hand." She made +no reply, but passed on, and wiped her face. When I said more she merely +tossed her head. "Don't be a fool Jenny,—let us,—you want it as bad +as me." Then I rattled out my whole baudy vocabulary, "prick," "cunt," +"fuck," "spunk," "pleasure," "belly to belly," "my balls over your +arse," "let my stiff prick stretch your cunt,"—everything which could +excite a woman; to all of which she merely said, "Oho!—oh!" and tossed +her head, and never took her staring eyes off me, nor ceased swabbing up +her perspiring face, and at the same time looking at my throbbing, rigid +cunt-stretcher. +

+

+Finding she took to yelling, and even hitting me, I desisted a moment. +"Where is the book I sent you last night?" I had till then forgotten +it. That opened her mouth. "Have not had a book." "I saw the boy give +it you, and you open it." "He didn't." "He did." "I burnt it,—a nasty +thing,—I would not let my sister see it." An angry feeling came over +me for the moment, for I thought it probable, and should have had +difficulty in replacing it. Then came an inspiration to help me,—a man +always gets somehow on the right track to get into a woman if he has +opportunity. Nature wills it. The woman was made to be fucked, and the +sooner for them, the better for them. +

+

+"You have not burnt it,—I'll bet it's in your bedroom,—in your box." +"It isn't." "I'll swear it's there,—you have been reading it all +night,—I'll go up and see." She started as if electrified into life as +I made for the door. She got there before me, and stood before me. "You +shan't go,—you've no business up there,—I've burnt it,—it's not +there." "It's in the kitchen then." "No, I've burnt it," she went on +rapidly and confusedly. "I'll go and see," said I pulling her from +the door, she screeching out, "No you shan't go up,—that you +shan't,—you've no business there." Then I pulled up her clothes to her +belly, she got them down, but still she kept her back to the door. +I kept pulling her till her cap was off again, and felt sure she was +getting weaker and weaker. +

+

+Then she turned round suddenly, opened the door, and ran up the stairs +rapidly like a lapwing, I after her. Once she turned round, "You shan't +come up," said she, and tried to push me back; and then again on she +went, I following. I stumbled, that gave her a few steps ahead; I sprang +up three steps at a time, recovered the lost distance, and just as she +got into the bed-room, and slammed the door to, I put my foot in it,—it +hurt me much. "Damn it, how you hurt my foot,—I will come in"—and +pushing the door my strength prevailed; the door flew open, I saw her +running round the bed, and there on the very pillow of the unmade bed +lay Fanny Hill, open at one of the pictures. I threw myself across +the bed, and clutched the book. She then stood motionless, panting and +staring at me, she had clutched at it, and failed just as I caught it. +She would have got it, but for having to go round the bed. +

+

+I laughed. "Have you not had a treat Jenny dear!" Her face was a picture +of confusion. I was stretched half across the bed, and now went right +across. Then to escape me she ran away, and had nearly reached the door +when throwing myself over the bed again, I grasped her petticoats under +her arse, and managed to pull her back. "Damned if I don't fuck you," +said I, "by God I'll shove my prick up your cunt if I'm hanged for +it,"—and pushing a hand up behind I clasped her naked buttocks. She +turned round, I pulled her petticoats clean up, she yelling, struggling, +panting, imploring. I dropped on my knees, kissed her belly, and buried +my nose between her thighs. The petticoats dropped over my head, her +belly kept bumping up against my nose and lips, which were covered with +her cunt-moisture. +

+

+I rose up, pushed and rolled her against the bed, my hand still up her +clothes. "Oh! don't, don't now,—you are a great gentleman they say, +and ought to think of a poor girl's ruin,—oh! if it was found out I +should be ruined." "It won't darling." I had got my fingers well over +the whole slit. "Pray don't,—well I'll kiss you,—there." "Feel it." +"Will you let me get up if I do?" "Yes." "There then," and she felt me. +

+

+"Oh! I must fuck you." "Oh! pray don't,—oh! let me go now, and I'll +let you another day,—I will indeed sir,—oh! you hurt,—don't push your +fingers like that." "Kiss me my darling." "You shan't." "There there." +Another struggle. "Oh! I can't—be—bear it." Her arse began to twist +again, her head sank on my shoulder, her thighs opened; then with a +start, "Oh! my God it's lightning (it began to thunder and lighten +badly),—oh! I'm so frightened,—oh! don't,—another day,—it's wicked +when it's lightning so,—oh! God almighty will strike us dead if you are +so wicked,—oh! let me go into the dark,—oh! don't,—I can't—be—bear +it." Her arse was shaking with my groping and frigging. +

+

+"Now don't be a fool,—damned if I don't murder you if you are not +quiet!" "Oh! oh!" I had got her somehow on to the bed, she was helpless; +with fear, liquor, and cunt-heat. I threw myself on to her. A feel +between thighs reeking with sweat, with her cunt in a lather, with the +sweat dropping in great drops from my face, with sweat running down +my belly on to my prick and my balls; I shoved. One loud "aha!" and my +prick-tip was up against her womb-door. A mighty straight thrust; and +the virginity was gone at that one effort. +

+

+Right up there with but a shove or two as far as I recollect, and +without trouble, my sperm spouted directly my tool rubbed through the +wet, warm cunt-muscles. Then I came to my senses; where was I? has she +let me, or had I forced her violently. +

+

+She laid quietly under me with closed eyes and open mouth, panting; I +was upon her, up her, pressing heavily upon her rather than holding her; +then thrusting my hands under her fat bottom I recommenced thrusting and +fucking. She lay still, in the enjoyment of a lubricated cunt, distended +by a stiff, hot prick. Soon she was sensitive to my movements, her cunt +constricted, a visible pleasure overtook her, her frame began to quiver, +and the soft murmurs of spermatic effusion came from her lips. She +spent. On I went driving as if I meant to send my prick into her womb, +fell into a half dreaminess, and became conscious of a great wetness +on my ballocks; it was her discharge more than mine, the most copious I +recollect, excepting from one woman. Then I dropped off on her side. She +lay still as death, the thunder rolled over us unheeded by her in the +delirious excitement and delight of her first fuck. +

+

+She turned on her side slightly, her thighs and backside were naked, she +hid her face, and shuddered at the thunder unheeding her nakedness, then +buried her face in a pillow, and so we both dozed for a minute or two. +Her backside was still naked, when I looked at her in all ways as she +lay, and saw traces of sperm on her thighs and chemise. A little lay on +the bed, but no trace of red, no signs of a bloody rupture of a virgin +cunt. My shirt and drawers were spermed, but had not a trace of blood. +The light fell full on her backside, I could see lightish brown hair +in the crack of the parting of her buttocks; a smear of shit on +her chemise. Her flesh was beautifully white. She had on nice white +stockings, and the flashy garters; she dad a tolerable quantity of hair +on her quim on the belly side. I sat at the side of the bed, got off +boots, trousers, and drawers; then laying down gently inserted my +longest finger and delicately began rubbing her clitoris which I could +see protruding of a fine crimson color. Then she moved; she was not +asleep, but dazed by the fuck, fear of the lightning, the excitement, +the heat, and the fumes of the wine combined. +

+

+She stared at me, pulled down her clothes, and tears began to run down +her cheeks. What a lot of women I have had cry at such times "Don't cry +my darling." She turned on to her face, and hid it. For a quarter of an +hour, I talked, but she did not answer. I told her she had spent, that +I knew she had had pleasure. Then I pushed my fingers up her cunt; still +she did not speak, but let me do just what I liked, keeping her eyes +shut. So soon as my rammer was up to the mark, up her it went fucking, +and again I felt it's stem well wetted. She was a regular streaming +spunker. +

+

+After that, "I am going downstairs," said she. "I'll come." "No don't." +"You only want to piddle." "Yes," said she faintly. "Piddle here,—what +will it matter?" "I can't." "I'll go out if you won't bolt the door." +"It's no good bolting the door,—you have ruined me." I went outside, +closed the door, and heard the rattle in the pot. When I re-entered she +was sitting at the side of the bed crying quietly; she did nothing but +look at me, but without speaking. "Arrange yourself in case any one +comes to the door." "No one will come." "The milkman?" "He will put it +down inside the porch." She sat down the picture of despair. Never had +I felt more lewd, I was mad that day with lewdness. "Let's feel your +cunt," said I. "I have spent in it three times." "I don't care what you +do, you may do what you like,—it's of no consequence." I felt up her +cunt, she hung her head over my shoulders whilst I paddled my fingers in +the wet. "Don't hurt me," said she. "I have not hurt you." +

+

+"Yes you have." "Let's look." That roused her. "Oh! no,—no,—no,—you +shan't." "Wash your cunt" I fetched the sherry, but she had not washed +her cunt. "You should wash it out." "Oh?—oh!" said she, "if I should be +with child I shall never be married." +

+

+She drank more sherry, and promised to wash. Then I went downstairs, +fetched up the broach and the ten sovereigns, and gave them to her. "How +shall I say I got it?" "Does he know how much you have saved?" "Yes." +"Is it a year's wages?" "Yes,"—and she began to cry again. "What shall +I say about the broach?" "That you bought it,—let's lay down and talk." +She yielded instantly, I threw up her clothes, she pushed them down. +Then I lay feeling her quim, and got out her bubbies, she submitted, +laying with her eyes closed, till my rubbing on her clitoris made her +sigh. Then up her, I felt her wetting my prick-stem, and shot my sperm +into her at that intimation of her pleasure. +

+

+It was about seven o'clock, I had been nearly five hours at my +amusements, and was tired; but had that day an irrepressable prick. It +began to stiffen almost directly it left her cunt. I went down with her +to tea, there I pulled her on to my lap, and we began to look at Fanny +Hill. I could not get a word out of her, but she looked intently at the +pictures. I explained their salacity. "Hold the book dear, and turn over +as I tell you." Then I put my fingers on her cunt again. How sensitive +she was. "Let's come upstairs." "No," said she, reluctantly, but up +we went, and fucked again. Then she groaned, "Oh! pray leave off,—I'm +almost dead,—I shall have one of my fainting fits." "Lay still darling, +I shall come soon,"—but it was twenty minutes hard grinding before my +sperm rose. +

+

+Then she laid motionless and white through nervous exhaustion, +excitement, and loss of her spermatic liquid, which I kept fetching and +fetching in my long grinding. She told me afterwards that she could +not tell how often she spent. I had never been randier or stronger, nor +enjoyed the first of a woman more. +

+

+She was a most extraordinary girl. After the first fuck she was like +a well-broken horse; she obeyed me in everything, blushed, was modest, +humbled, indifferent, conquered, submissive; but I could get no +conversation out of her excepting what I have narrated. She cried every +ten minutes, and looked at me. After each fuck she laid with her eyes +closed, and mouth open, and turned on her side directly, putting her +hand over her quim, and pulling her clothes just over her buttocks. +Then after I had recovered and began to talk, a tear would roll down her +cheek. +

+

+About nine o'clock she said. "Do go, my sister will be here,—and the +bed wants making." At the door I put her against the wall and rubbed +as well as I could my flabby cock between her cunt-lips. She made no +resistance. "We'll fuck again to-morrow Jenny." "I'll never let you +again," said she, "for you shan't come in,"—and she shut the door on me +with a slam. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XIX. +

+
+     My soiled shirt.—Jenny's account of herself.—Fucking and
+     funking.—Poor John!—-Of her pudenda.—It's
+     sensitiveness.—Erotic chat.—Startled by a caller.—Her
+     married sister's unsatisfied cunt.—How she prevented having
+     children.—Doubts her husband's fidelity.—Jenny taught the
+     use of a French letter.—Hickery-pickery, and catamenial
+     irregularities.
+
+

+When I got home I looked at my linen; never had it been in such a mess +after female embraces. I had taken no care about it, it was be-spunked +in an unusual degree, and lots of thinnish stains were on the tail which +made me think that one or both of us must have spent copiously. Then I +recollected that Jenny's cunt seemed very wet to me when I felt it after +I had spermatized her. There were no signs of blood, and taking stock of +the sensations I had experienced, "Jenny has had it before," I said +to myself. Then came a fear that her discharge was from a clap, but I +dismissed that from my mind. I had only once had the clap from a woman +not gay. +

+

+So I washed the tail of my shirt, laid it under my arse to dry, gave it +a natural stain of piss, and went to bed reflecting and wondering who +had first penetrated Jenny's privates. +

+

+A day or two afterwards I went to see her and shammed a knock. She +opened the door. "Oh!" she exclaimed as I entered, "now you shan't,—you +shan't again." "I shan't what my dear?" "I know why you came here,—but +you shan't." "I want a chat,—-don't be foolish,—come here,—I won't do +anything,—I don't want anything,—but come here." +

+

+I got her into the parlour, and on to the sofa, then talked, then got +baudy. "Do just let me feel your thighs,—what harm can it do when +I have been between them." "No". "Just a feel,—there I won't put my +finger further,—oh! Jenny you like my finger,—be quiet dear,—just let +me feel it." Half an hour after she had said, "Now you shan't," my prick +was in her. No woman can refuse the cock which has once stretched her +cunt, she is at its mercy. We spent another afternoon in talking and +fucking, and she partly in crying and bemoaning her evil deeds. +

+

+I had not only opened her cunt, but opened her heart and mouth at the +same time. She was the funniest, frankest little woman I ever knew. She +told me all her past life, her future expectations, asked my advice, +deplored her wickedness to her young man, and all in an hour. She spoke +the same incessantly afterwards. In a fortnight I knew everything about +her from her birth, and about all her family; it was as if for the +first time in her life she had had a confident. +

+

+"What shall I do with your money?" "Put it with the rest." "But he knows +what I've got,—we always tell each other." "Keep it to get a good stock +of clothes before you are married." "But he knows all about my clothes." +"Put it in a little at a time, or don't tell him till you are married; +then say you kept him in ignorance for a pleasant surprise, or tell him +nothing at all about it,—you will have more than that." "I don't want +your money, I fear it will bring me harm." +

+

+"Well give it back to me Jenny." But Jenny did not seem to see the +advantage of that; so she kept it, and had more besides in time. +

+

+"What will become of me and poor John?—he'd die if he knew how ill +I behave to him,—now don't,—you do upset a body so a talking, and +putting your fingers there,—oh! leave me alone,—no no more." "Once +more dear,—how hot your little cunt is,—it's longing for a prick." "Oh +I take care of my cap, you will tear it,—I'll take it off." "What a +fat backside you've got Jenny,—how wet your cunt is,—shove, shove, +fuck,—where is my prick Jenny now?" But Jenny became speechless always +after three cock-shoves, and began moistening the intruder with all her +cunt-power. +

+

+After fucking she was tranquil for a time; sperm seemed to soothe her, +but then she had funks. "Oh I dear what have you made me do? oh! if I am +in the family way!—oh! if he finds it out, he won't marry me! and he is +such a good young man, and so fond of me,—o—o—-ho—ho!—I've behaved +very bad to him,—and I didn't mean,—oho!—it's all your fault, oho! +—I didn't know what I was about,—I never do when it lightens,—oho! Do +you think he will find it out when we are married?" she would ask in +her calmer moments, after she had cried herself out. This scene occurred +every day I fucked her for a time, then less frequently. +

+

+I tried to comfort her, told facts, and many inventions of my own, of +how I had had women, who afterwards married and whose husbands had never +known that they had been broached. +

+

+"Is it true really!—oh! do tell me the truth,—if he finds it out I +will drown myself, I'm sure he will,—it's all your fault,—you must be +a bad man to take advantage of a poor girl in the house alone." "But if +you're not in the family way, he can't find out until you are married, +and then it will be too late. You won't tell him, and your cunt can't +speak." "Oh! sir you do say such funny things." +

+

+This went on for weeks. "Oh! it's my time, and it's not come on." Then +with joy, "Oh! I'm all right, but you can't do anything to-day,—oh! if +my Mistress should find out, or if my sister should come home and catch +you here,—oh! if the next-door neighbours should see you come here so +often, and tell my Mistress." One or another of these fears was always +upon her, but did not prevent our fucking. At that time Sarah was away, +and Louisa Fisher still ill, so Jenny had all my essence; and later on +as much as Louisa and Sarah spared me. As to my home, I had pretty well +done with fucking there. +

+

+Jenny's cunt was well-haired, and had rather large inner lips; not so +large as I have seen in many women, but larger than I liked. Her tube +was easy. What a fight I had when first I saw it. "I won't be pulled +about like that,—no it's shameful." "I dare say your John has seen it." +That always sent her off howling, and when she had subsided she let me +do as I liked. "It's a nasty thing to pull me about like that." But +it came soon to the old world-wide habit: a feel and a look before the +entry. The same woman who won't let you see the bottom of her belly at +first, will hold her cunt open for your inspection in a month. It +is breaking in a woman to baudiness which is the happiness of the +honeymoon, not the hard burst through a bit of gristle. +

+

+It had weighted on my mind ever since I had had her, and about three +weeks afterwards I told her my doubts of her then being a virgin. +She swore that no man had even put his hands on it till I did. "Am +I different from other woman?" She was indignant at the doubt, and +honestly and truly I believe. A schoolfellow used to look at her quim, +she at her schoolfellow's, she always thought hers was the most open of +the two, she always could put her finger up easily, "but you did hurt me +through, though I did not bleed. My sister says she did bleed a little +when she first had her husband,"—and Jenny now described her sister's +first night, and her sister's form, and rather wetted my lust for her +sister. +

+

+I came to the conclusion that she was born loose at her inlet, or had +broken through the cover when quite young, and that no prick had +rubbed her but mine; but her organ was a peculiar one in it's habit of +distilling its liquids. +

+

+I have told how my shirt was stained at first, and soon found that Jenny +was one of those women who spend rapidly, frequently, and copiously. I +have met I think two like her in my career, to the time I correct this. +

+

+On the second day's poking I noticed this and became fully aware of it +afterwards. When I put my prick up her, and began my movements; a +shiver and a sigh escaped her almost directly, her bum gave a heave, +a discharge came from her, and if I pulled my prick out then, it was +perfectly wet. It used in fact to run out a little, and if pushing one +hand well under her arse (which was not so easy, for she had a fine +backside), I felt the root of my prick, or rather the end of the stem, +I could feel her moisture running down one of her bum-cheeks, or +between them. That over by the time I spent we usually discharged +simultaneously. Her voluptuousness was greater when we spent together, +than on her preliminary discharge. She said she could not account for +it, but that a delicious sensation crept over her the moment the prick +entered; that her cunt tightened and seemed to wet itself copiously; +that her spend at the climax was longer, more thrilling, voluptuous, +satisfying, and exhausting; that when our spunks had mingled her whole +body was satisfied; but that her first spend seemed only to confine its +pleasure to her cunt. It is difficult to describe these sensations. +

+

+I frigged her several times, and got a copious discharge from her, thin, +milky, and barely sticky, yet it left a strong stain on linen. She was +astonished when I told her of her peculiarity. Perhaps she wondered what +her poor John would think of it. I can't say I altogether admired her +wetness; I took a dislike to a tall thin girl who was much of the same +sort as Jenny, but that girl was quite slippy-cunted, though not with +the whites. This was since. +

+

+(Another woman who had this sensitive and sensuous [for it was both] +organization, was the sister of an intimate friend, and whom I have +fucked since the above was written. I don't know that I shall say +anything more about the lady, so tell of her cuntal peculiarity here. +She was plump, fair-faced, had a fine complexion, and in face strongly +resembled the queen. She was to be married.) +

+

+When her young man came to town, and Jenny went out with him, the girl +upbraided herself. When I next saw her after his visit she felt herself +a deceiving wretch, and cried. Now would I please desist, and not make +her sin any more. But the persuasion was too great, the recollection of +her pleasure too strong, and never did I go away without having plugged +her. +

+

+Did she love her young man? Yes she supposed she did; he was kind, +attentive, and would make a good husband. She wanted to get married, to +have a home of her own; besides he was not a workman, but a tradesman, +and when married they would have a shop, and be in a higher position. +She always spoke more of the house and shop, and her liberty, than of +her young man. +

+

+She was of a highly nervous organization, and through me she was to be +shocked severely. She half fainted the first day I took liberties with +her, thunder and lightning gave her an inclination that way, twice +afterwards she nearly fainted, any sudden thing annoyed her and turned +her white. One occasion I'll tell of now, the other in due course. +

+

+We fucked on the sofa after the first day; but though large, it was not +like a bed, so afterwards we used to go to her bed-room. I used to leave +my hat and stick downstairs, so that in case of surprise I might stand +in the hall, and say I had called to enquire. It was a stupid thing to +do as I found out, and then I used to take it into the bed-room. I had +fucked her one afternoon, when a double knock came at the street-door, I +knew it. "It's my wife," I said. Down I rushed for my hat, and returned +to the bed-room; and then Jenny opened the door. She had called to make +some enquiry, and went away. I heard the door close, but no further +noise or movement, then crept downstairs. +

+

+There sat Jenny on a chair, just recovering from a half faint. "Oh!" +said she, "I nearly dropped down." "Ah! she would have knocked you down +my dear, if your cunt could have spoken and said what was inside it." +But Jenny never could joke. It was always dreadful, and she was to be +punished in some way for her evil deeds with me. A few tears, and then a +little baudy chaffing brought smiles again on her face. +

+

+I delighted in talking baudy to her, told her smutty stories about the +women I had had, described their charms, and any special lasciviousness +connected with them. Her astonishment was great; her curiosity intense; +she in return told me all she knew about every other woman, and all her +own little baudy doings. Never was a woman so frank about such matters. +When I left her I doubt whether her dear John could have told her half +what she could have told him about fucking, and the two articles that +copulation is done with. +

+

+Her talk was all about her sisters, and principally of the married one +who came to sleep with her; a woman about twenty-eight years of age, +who had been married some years, and had two children, the last one four +years old. She, or rather he, did not mean to have any more, they could +not afford to keep them. "How did they stop it?" I asked Jenny. She did +not know. But one night the sister wanted particularly to sleep at home, +and had asked Jenny if for once she would sleep in the house alone. She +consented though frightened. I proposed sleeping with her, and we passed +a very delicious night together: a man and woman fresh to each +other, always do in bed. What a night of feeling, frigging, sniffing, +inspecting, and fucking it was! +

+

+At all times, no matter what we began talking about, cunt and cock were +sure to become the subject. That night I learned that her sister had +slept away, expecting to catch her husband out in some infidelities. +Since he had determined to have no more children, he made her frig him +instead of fucking; so the sister went short of cock and had to frig +herself. That annoyed her. Then when he fucked her he did not do it +properly, he cheated her sister, Jenny said. I was a long time in +getting out of Jenny what the man did, at length she said, that just +as the stuff was coming, he pulled it out, and it went all over her +sister's thighs or her belly, and often before she had had her own +pleasure. Her sister thought it was just as well not to be married, as +to go on like that. +

+

+That was not all. He used at first to do it every night, and now not +once a week, said he could do without it, that he did not care about +it, and so on. She believed that he had other women, and that was more +aggravating because she wanted it herself more than ever. She was not +so well, she told Jenny for want of fucking, she liked it, and would +willingly have more children though she was so poor. I asked cautiously +if she had heard of the skins which people put over their pricks, and +into which they spent their seed? Jenny had not. I explained what they +where. She said she would ask her sister about it. I cautioned her about +showing that she knew too much. A few days afterwards Jenny told me her +sister had tried them, but they did not like them, besides they could +not afford them. What Jenny's sister paid for French letters I don't +know, I used to pay nine pence each. I fucked Jenny with one on just to +instruct her. +

+

+These two women talked often about such matters; and each day Jenny told +me what her sister had said. Soon I knew all about her sister's doings, +from the night she lost her virginity to the birth of her last child. +The little fucking that the sister had, and her longing for more +affected me considerably; I quite longed to see this hot-bummed, +cunt-neglected wife, and soon my curiosity was to be gratified in a way +I little expected. +

+

+Jenny and I settled down quite matrimonially, I saw her certainly four +days a week, or else every day excepting Sundays. At times I spent the +whole day there, took wine, and meat, and newspapers. She cooked, and +very badly. We ate and drank together, and fucked, she cried about John +and her wickedness, and her fears of being found out. Then I read to her +the news, and also every baudy book I could get hold of, and explained +to her every use that could be made of our tools, both male and female, +from flat-cocking to buggery, so far as I knew,—but I did not know so +much as I do now. +

+

+To prevent its being known I was there, we got quite cunning. I was not +to come at eleven o'clock, because then the butcher came; nor at twelve, +because the girls were always at the window next door; between one and +two o'clock I was safe, because the family was always at dinner at that +time; at three the milkman came, and I avoided him. So with a little +trouble I pretty well escaped observation, during the eight or ten weeks +which I did husband duty, and perhaps as much as some two husbands would +have done. +

+

+Once she was awfully uneasy, for her courses had not come on, and shed +flood of tears. She would lose her John, poor fellow! When in that +way she was always pitying him, but she was always irregular in her +menstruation, which rendered it difficult to judge of her condition. Oh! +she was sure she was now in the family way, she had symptoms; she had +asked her sister how she had felt when she had conceived, and her own +symptoms were the same. "My God what shall I do!—I'll drown myself, +I will,—I shall never be able to face him,—poor fellow!" "Go and +get something, go and see some one." She went, took a dose of what she +called "hikery-pikery," and the ugly red stream came on. I don't believe +she was in the family way. Years after I heard she had never had a +child, though long married. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XX. +

+
+     A Saturday afternoon.—Copulation interrupted.—Retreat cut
+     off.—Under the bed.—Enter sister.—The new dress.—Heat
+     and sweat.—Undressing.—Jenny's anxiety.—Sweating much,
+     and stripping.—Nature in its simplicity.—Nature in its
+     vulgarity.—Delicious peeps.—A cunt near my nose.—Erotic
+     recklessness.—Fist-fucking.
+
+

+And now I was to become acquainted with her sister,—the married one. +Jenny had no brother, had none of that knowledge about boy's cocks which +girls of the humbler classes have when they have brothers. I sometimes +think that boys in the humbler classes show their cocks to their +sisters; I don't recollect a girl I have fucked who did not say she had +seen her brother's cock. +

+

+My knowledge of her sister's dissatisfaction with the small amount of +fucking she got, her disappointment at having her husband's sperm on +her thighs instead of up her cunt, and her very reasonable fears that at +times it went into other receptacles besides her own, came forcibly to +my mind. It would have been odd if it had not, for every time I poked +Jenny we talked about her sister, indeed all our talk, unless about her +sweetheart, and her fears was about fucking. I don't recollect any woman +I have had who was so anxious to know all, and delighted to hear of my +amours, and the descriptions I gave of my various women. If I described +their cunts she was amused beyond measure; and to tell all this suited +me exactly. For all that she thought it wicked, and that they and I, and +she, would be punished by the Almighty (her ideas about the action of +Providence were peculiar). +

+

+It was the good fortune of her married sister to give me one of the most +laughable, but yet natural, salacious, voluptuous treats I ever had, +without her knowing she had done so,—and from that came consequences +which affected that lady herself. +

+

+I have always been highly delighted to see modest women naked or +undress, or doing their toilet and little affairs, when they had no idea +that any one saw them. I have looked through dozens of key-holes, bored +holes in doors, waited breathless and half-naked for hours at night, +have risen by day-light to enable me to get these treats. I had seen as +already said, the cunts of my aunt and cousins, young ladies and others +bathing, etc. (and as I shall tell of, have since seen a noble lady frig +herself.) I have seen in fact modest ladies at their most decent, as +well as the most indelicate of their toilet performances, and think +I prefer looking at them under such circumstances, rather than at the +beautiful voluptuous creatures who undress willingly in my presence, for +those are so intent on displaying their charms to the best advantage, to +get a male erection and its crisis, as soon as possible, make much too +evident what they do it for. +

+

+Jenny's sister gave me one of those natural displays. Had the lady been +drilled in the art of unfolding her charms for the excitement of a male, +and driving him into erotic fury, she could not have more effectually +done so. Of the many displays of female charms (of modest females) +I have seen, I never had one so gradual, natural, voluptuous, and +cock-stiffening, as she unconsciously gave me. +

+

+I called on Jenny one Saturday afternoon, she had said I had better go +quite early, but I did not. It was another sultry day, thunder had been +heard, the atmosphere was heavy, but no rain had fallen; and the sun was +bright and blazing hot. Said Jenny, "I'm frightened to let you stop, my +sister is going to leave off work early, and she will be here about five +o'clock,—don't come in." I would. "We shan't be half-an-hour,—it's +not half-past three." A kiss, and a twiddle on her cunt settled the +matter, and we went to her bed-room. She was on the bed, I between her +thighs, ready to drop into her, indeed I'm not sure that my prick had +not touched her cunt, when a knock and a ring came at the street-door. +

+

+To fully understand what follows it should be known that the old lady +my friend, for fear that the rooms should be used; had locked up all the +rooms but the parlours and a little closet overlooking the street, and +the servants' bed-room, and had taken away the keys. I did not know that +then, I knew it that day. +

+

+"Oh! my God it's my sister,—what shall I do?—I shall be ruined." Pale +as death, I thought she was going to faint again. +

+

+"Don't be nervous, I'll go and hide in the room below, and when she is +downstairs or up here, go out quietly, and leave the street-door ajar." +"Oh! all the rooms are locked up." "I'll go into the parlours then, +—you get her downstairs." "Oh! she always goes into the parlour first, +and sits down a minute, and talks." There was no time for us to talk, +more, for the woman knocked again. "Fetch my hat and stick (it was in +the parlour),—you get her into the kitchen, then I'll slip out leaving +the street-door ajar." Down we both went, three stairs at a time, up +I went again with hat and umbrella, and had only got to the top when +I heard poor trembling Jenny opening the street-door. I leant over the +banisters, and listened. +

+

+"I've knocked twice Jenny." "Did you?—I was dozing,—the thundery +weather makes me so queer.—Have a cup of tea, and take a table out +into the garden,—it will be fresher there to have tea." +

+

+"No I've got my new dress, it will rumple it if it's long in the bundle, +I must open it. Such a pretty one,—you will like it I think.—Tom did +when I showed him the pattern,—I'll take it up to the bed-room, and +hang it up." +

+

+Jenny's voice rose almost to a shriek. "Oh! no, no, don't,—come and +have tea first,—I'm so thirsty, so tired,—come downstairs." "Well you +go and make it, I'll only just hang it up in the bed-room, and come down +directly," said her sister. +

+

+Jenny objecting, the sister answered angrily, "What are you in such a +hurry for tea for?—it's not time,—well have it by yourself, I can't +drink it,—I had a lot of beer at dinner, and Tom gave me nearly a pint +before I left him,—it was so hot, I was so thirsty,—it's on my chest +now,—I can't put tea on the top of it yet." "Well if you won't, I may +as well go up with you," said Jenny. Footsteps came nearer, and hat, +stick, and self, I threw under the bed. Jenny came in looking like +death. "She won't find me here,—get her down soon," was all I had time +to say in a whisper before the sister following Jenny entered the room. +I had quite hidden myself. +

+

+The bed had been a good one, the old gentleman and lady had slept on it +for years; it was large and handsome, but being shabby and worn out, had +that very month only been put to servants' use. Round it were old red +valances hanging to the floor, things not given to servants. No sooner +was I under the bed, than I saw there were little openings at the seams, +and some moth-holes, which permitted me to see through them. At one spot +near to my shoulder as I lay crouching and doubled up, was a long slit +where the valance had been torn down. By raising myself on my elbow, +and squeezing my head against the mattress I could see perfectly, but +no person in the room would have noticed me, even though the room was as +bright as day, for the thick red hangings hid me in darkness under the +bed, and I was on the side away from the window. I gazed earnestly at +Jenny's sister through this opening and others. +

+

+She was a well-grown, strong woman, with a handsome round face, and dark +hair and eyes; she had shortish petticoats, and thickish ankles in good +lace-up boots which, made much noise as she walked about. She had a +huge paper parcel in her hands, which she placed on the bed; then for a +moment she rested her bum on the bed-side, and Jenny did the same by the +side of her. The parcel was between them, her ankles were within a few +inches of my nose; I gently lifted the valance, and saw up the calf of +her legs, her petticoats cut as they were in those days, being drawn up +by sitting down. I remember almost every word, every action which took +place on that memorable afternoon, and not a movement escaped me. +

+

+"I can't untie it,—cut it." "The scissors are downstairs." "I'll go and +fetch them." "Oh! no,—where is the knife that I cut my corns with?" "Oh +I never mind,—there, I've done it,—I've broken it,"—and she rose up +as did Jenny from the bed, and both now stood standing facing the side +of the bed where I lay. +

+

+I heard the rustling of paper, the rustling of a dress, the noise of +feet paddling about. "Oh! it is nice,—what did it cost?—who made +it?" "I made the skirt, and Miss Skinner the body,—she charged me seven +and six,—it's not dear, is it?—I'll hang it up, then the creases will +come out." "Let's hang it up first." And then on a peg at the back +of the door the dress was hung up, and for a moment, both women stood +admiring it, their backs towards me and the bed. +

+

+"Look," said the sister, "it just wants a little something done to the +sleeves,—she said it was not finished there,—oh! yes here it is,—I +would not wait for her, I can easily do it myself,—I was glad to get +it, and half feared I should not get it for Sunday,—the old beast never +keeps her promise, but she has this time,—I gave her sixpence +extra. Oh I my gracious how hot it is,—I'm sweating all over,—it's +awful,—I'll pull off my frock, then I'll finish the sleeves as it hangs +up,—get us the needle and thread Jenny,—just thread a needle dear, +while I pull off my frock." +

+

+"Don't," said Jenny in an agitated manner, "let's have tea first." "No +I must finish it," and as she spoke she undid her dress, and slipped it +off. A beautiful handsome pair of breasts came in view. "Oh! Lord look +at my chemise,—look how I've sweated—see how the stain from the dress +has gone through under my arms,—I stink of sweat,—how glad I shall be +when the weather is cooler." As she said that with a slight effort she +drew her arms through the sleeves of her chemise, and lifting her +freed arms showed a pair of black hairy armpits. I began to thrill and +cock-stiffen. She lifted her fine arms up, and looked at the stained +chemise as it hung over her stays, then with a heave and a push she +freed her breasts, so that they were right over the top of her stays +showing the nipples; then with naked arms, she began to work at the +sleeves of the dress hanging up behind the door. +

+

+Jenny was all this time moving about in a restless manner, taking every +now and then a hurried glance at the valance of the bed which concealed +me; and as it seemed to me placing herself in such a position, as +to prevent my seeing her sister's upper nakedness; but it was quite +useless, I could see all she had exposed. +

+

+She worked a few minutes talking to Jenny, who was making as much noise +with her feet as she could. Then the sister looked up, and leaving off +her needlework said, "This will make Tom want to do it to me,—a new +dress always does, when he sees me in it,—he ain't done it lately, he +will to-morrow." They both laughed, and she went to work again. +

+

+Again she stopped, Jenny then seated herself at the edge of the bed over +me. "Oh! how awfully hot I am,—what a bore petticoats are,—I declare +I've a good mind to leave them off this weather." She stepped forwards. +"I'll take them off, I can slammack about to-night,—no one will see +me." "Oh! no don't," said Jenny in an excited way; but she quickly +unlaced her stays, untied her petticoats, and slipped them down to her +ankles. Her chemise which was no longer held up to her shoulders by the +arms, slipped down with them, and she stood naked before me excepting +her boots and stockings. She seemed to have forgotten that her chemise +was no longer held up, for just as the petticoats fell below her cunt, +she made a slight grasp as if to hold them up, then she gave a laugh, +"That's cool enough," said she. +

+

+"Don't,—what are you doing?" shrieked Jenny, "put on your +chemise,—you're naked,—you're naked,"—and she tried to pull up the +chemise; but the woman stepped away from the clothes as they lay on the +floor, caught up the chemise, threw it on the bed, and placed petticoats +and stays on a chair by the washhand stand. I saw large hips, a mass of +dark hair at her cunt, a large white backside, fine round thighs, and +limbs; in brief a fine, plump, well-fed woman, a splendid sight. The +innocence of the action was beautiful. "Oh! isn't it nice and cool," she +said, "I've got so hot walking." +

+

+"Put on your things,—what are you doing?" said Jenny. "Oh! isn't it +nice!—I wish one could go in one's skin this weather," she replied. She +scratched her motte-hair, and felt her arse, and seemed so pleased with +herself. Then she looked under each of her armpits. "Oh! Lord how hot I +am,—where is a towel?" She took one, and began gently rubbing herself +with it under her armpits, put it down, and again scratched the hair of +her motte. +

+

+"I'm surprised at you," said Jenny walking about, and I'm sure trying +to prevent me from seeing her sister, though she always declared to me +afterwards that she had no such intention. "Cover yourself, you'll catch +cold." "Catch cold?—nonsense,—and you have the window shut also,—what +do you shut it for?" "Oh! I can't bear it open in thundering weather." +The fact was we always shut it when we went to the bed to exclude noise, +and left the door open, to hear if any one knocked at the street-door. +"Put something on you at all events," said Jenny, "it's not decent." +"Decent?—you are modest all of a sudden." +

+

+"It's delicious!" She walked round the bed to the window, opened it, +came back naked as she was, and went on working at her dress; and so for +a quarter of an hour did I see this handsomely-made woman naked, first +her side, then her belly, then her bum came in view, till I was driven +mad by the state of my penis which was throbbing with excitement, and +urging me to frig it. +

+

+"Well that will do," she said as she finished, "the creases will never +be noticed where they are,"—and she walked backwards to the bed, the +short distance she was from it, and sat down at the edge just where the +valance had dropped. With care I pulled the valance, and the seam opened +more, but not much. I raised myself on my elbow, my eyes to the opening. +There were the thighs and legs stretching out to the floor, her bum +was at the mere edge of the bed, her cunt but about six inches above my +nose. I had a wonderfully keen scent for the aroma of a woman, and swear +I smelt her cunt distinctly, though I could not see it. She sat there +for full five minutes, talking to Jenny about the dress, whilst I kept +sniffing up the aroma from her flesh and her love-orifice, and feeling +my quivering prick, whilst my greedy eyes gloated on the fat thighs, so +far as I could see them. +

+

+At length she turned round. "I'll put my slippers on,"—and sitting down +opposite the bed on the chair on which she had placed her petticoats, +she put one leg up, and began unlacing the boot, then between and under +the thighs I saw the dark hairy notch. She had scarcely put herself in +that attitude before putting her foot down, she came to the bed, put one +foot up, and there continued unlacing it,—and there was her cunt just +visible, and within a foot of my greedy eyes, whilst she leisurely +unlaced the boot on the bed, the other foot on the floor. Had I placed +her there for the purpose I could not have done it better. +

+

+"Oh! don't," said Jenny, "take your foot off." "What's the matter?" +replied she as if just noticing Jenny's excitement, "you've got one of +your foolish fits on I think." "You will dirty the bed,—take your foot +off." "Nonsense it's quite dry, besides it's on my chemise,—I wish +you'd go and make tea, if you are in such a hurry,—one would think you +had got St. Vitus' dance,"—for Jenny in her agitation, and also to make +noise to prevent any indiscreet movement of mine being noticed, had kept +moving about noisily and restlessly the whole time. +

+

+Silenced, she said no more, but still walked restlessly about, went at +the back of her sister, and glared at the valance where she guessed my +eyes were peeping. Her face was the picture of anxiety. But I did not +look at that long, I was rivetted on her sister's form and dark-haired +cunt; that cunt was at times slightly opened by the attitude she was in, +and altered its shape as she moved. I saw the thick dark hair curling +away until I lost sight of it in the direction of her arse-hole, and I +could smell her cunt again I swear, my excitement grew intense, I could +not keep my hand from my prick, I knew the delicate position I was in, +the injury I should do the poor girl if found out;—but a spend in sight +of that cunt and splendid pair of thighs I must have. I just touched +myself, holding my breath restraining all emotion, gave one or two +frigs, and a shower of sperm fell over my trowsers. If any man might +be pardoned for having a solitary pleasure, it was I, placed in such a +lust-stirring situation. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XXI. +

+
+     Further undressing.—Slippers wanted.—Toilet operations.—
+     The effects of hash and beer.—A windy escape.—Feeling for
+     the pot.—Sisters exeunt.—A crushed hat, and soiled
+     trowsers.—A narrow escape.—My benevolent intentions
+     towards Jenny's sister.
+
+

+I thought I had had my pleasure in silence, but I was wrong, I was +heard, I had given a slight sigh. The anxious ears of poor Jenny heard +it. She made increased noise whilst her sister went tranquilly on, and +unlaced her boots without taking any notice or hearing me, whilst the +last drop of sperm was running over, and I was still looking at her +cunt, and sniffing. +

+

+Then she stood looking at her boots. "Ah! this one wants soling,—where +are my slippers?—where did I put them?" They were just under the +bed, close by me. "Here they are," said Jenny rushing to the side, and +pulling them out she gave them to her sister who took them, but instead +of putting them on pulled off both her stockings. "I'll wash these +to-night," said she, "and darn them the first thing to-morrow,—I'll cut +my corns." "Oh! do come down and have tea,—you can cut your corns after +you have washed your feet to-night,—oh! put something on, and come." "I +won't be long,—you go and make tea." "No I shan't, I know you'll be +an hour,—it will be spoiled." "I can cut them so much better by +daylight,—I cut my toe last Saturday night you know," and without more +ado she walked round the foot of the bed to the other side, where in +front of the window was a small dressing-table, a looking-glass, and a +chair by the side of it. She was now absolutely naked from head to foot. +As she neared the window she said, "Oh! how delicious the air is blowing +upon one's skin,—I quite hate putting on my chemise again." Jenny still +kept moving about, and shuffling her feet; but the sister engrossed in +herself, kept on talking about her dress, her Tom, the place she was +going to on the morrow, and seemed to notice nothing. At length she +placed one foot on the chair by the window, and began cutting her corns. +And now I had a view of her backside and naked form from that side of +the bed. +

+

+When she had finished one foot, she put it down, and sat on the edge of +the bed. "Poof! how hot it makes me stooping,—it makes me sweat,—but +I'll do the other,—drat the tight boots, they make corns,"—and up went +the other foot. Out went my head, and up went the valance, but I was +fearful of being seen, so took out my pen-knife, and cut a long slit in +the valance. Then my eye was never still to her buttocks, but I could +not see her seat of pleasure so well, so I took to the floor again, and +saw her cunt better. +

+

+Then she stood for a minute looking over a little white blind into the +gardens. "There is Mrs. B——- and her daughter walking." "Oh! pray put +something on,—if they should see you." "Impossible they can't,"—and +she stooped down, and began operating on the other corn. The cunt opened +a little and so did something else, for out popped a pretty loud, short, +sharp fart. +

+

+"You beast," said Jenny. "I beg your pardon," said the sister, "I'm +always windy when I have eaten hash, and drank beer,—I could not help +it." "It's dirty," growled Jenny. "You're far enough off, and it's +better out than in,"—and ceasing to chuckle, and as if half ashamed of +herself she went on corn-cutting without speaking, but that did not suit +Jenny who soon began a conversation, and shuffling about. She made no +further allusion to the fart. +

+

+When she had finished it only seemed as if I had been looking at her +there for a few seconds, but on that side of the bed she must have given +me ten minutes of that lascivious gratification. I was so engrossed, +so delighted that even the fart did not amuse me; it annoyed me; for +it made her alter her position, and withdraw from my lustful gaze, that +charm which perhaps no one but her husband had ever gazed upon so long +and so earnestly. +

+

+Then she went back again to the other side of the bed, put on stockings +and slippers, and getting up, "Where is the pot" said she, "is it this +side or the other?" and began feeling under the valance within a few +inches of me, but it was not there. Evidently it was usually there, +indeed I know it was, but Jenny and I both pissed before we began to +think of fucking, and I had put the pot under the washing-stand. +

+

+"Not there," shrieked Jenny rushing to the pot. The sister turned +round and saw it, I peeped just in time to see her thighs open as she +squatted, then came a heavy thump on the bed. The sister said, "What's +the matter?—-don't give way,—don't be a fool now." Then without +pissing she got up, and came to the bedside. Poor Jenny excited beyond +bearing by anxiety, had fainted on seeing her sister on the point of +discovering me in searching for the pot. +

+

+She shook Jenny, threw water on her face, and Jenny soon recovered. +"What on earth's the matter?—you give way, you do,—a woman need not +faint like that, I'm sure," said she angrily, "you scared me dreadful." +Jenny said nothing, but repeated that she wanted her tea, that thundery +weather always made her feel sick and faint. +

+

+"Well we will go down at once,—I did not think you were ill." "You +might have seen I was." "I did not, but I'll be ready in a minute." +Again she squatted on the pot, thighs wide open, belly towards me, +pissed like a water-spout, and let one or two little farts of which no +notice was taken, whilst I with cock stiff was looking on, and again +frigging myself. I could not help it, for every turn, every movement +she made was such as if done expressly to show off her naked charms, and +drive me randy-mad. +

+

+"Give me my night-gown Jenny, it's at the foot of the bed, and I'll only +put my dress over it,—it's so hot." Jenny turned to take the night-gown +from the bed. "I'll just wash a bit," said her sister, "I'm almost in a +lather with heat and sweat." Pouring out water in the basin she placed +it on the floor, and turning towards the bed squatted, and sluiced her +cunt, then rubbed it dry with the towel. "That has made me comfortable," +she remarked, and began putting on her frock. +

+

+As she did so she remarked, "You have not emptied the pot to-day,—you +should, it smells this hot weather." "Yes I did," said Jenny innocently. +"Well then you've peed a lot." "I've done it once or twice since +morning," said Jenny hastily. +

+

+Then the sister went out first. When half-way downstairs I emerged from +my hiding-place and listened, heard Jenny say, "I may as well empty the +slops, you go and see if the water boils." Up came Jenny. "Oh! I'm +ready to die,—hish!—be quiet." She emptied the pot and waters into a +slop-pail, and went downstairs quickly whilst I followed her silently. +I was covered with flue, and had managed to crush my hat; my trows-ers +were partly unbuttoned, and one leg covered with spunk. We got to the +ground-floor almost together, and there I stopped. So soon as I heard +she was in the kitchen I moved along the passage, and slipped out, +leaving the street-door ajar. Luckily a cab was close by, and I jumped +into it. The first thing I did was to button up properly. I bolted past +my servant as she opened the door to me, took another hat, wrapped the +old one up in paper, and the same night tore out the lining, and threw +both away in a bye-road. +

+

+I was in an indescribable state of excitement after this delicious +afternoon, and was seized with an almost delirious letch for the woman. +I was sleepless for a night or two, scheming how to possess her. +

+

+Early on the Monday I got to Jenny's, and spent the rest of the day +fucking, and talking of the sight I had seen. My imagination helped to +allay my excitement, for the form of her sister though more beautiful +than Jenny's had still a family likeness to her, and as I clasped Jenny +in my arms I pictured her as her sister, and enjoyed her as such. +

+

+I was cautious in my disclosures, for I found that Jenny who had been +most inquisitive about other women, and delighted to hear about how they +talked, and walked, and pissed, and fucked; was annoyed when I talked of +her sister's nakedness. I ought not to have looked,—why I had seen more +than she, her own sister,—a poor woman, and married, and she to have +her thing looked at by a strange man,—her husband could not have seen +more,—and so on. So though I described her sister's charms I took care +not to express any admiration of them, nor to say I had frigged myself, +and felt desire for her. Jenny had not noticed that my trowsers were +undone, and sperm-soiled. I had not noticed that myself till I got out +of the house on that eventful afternoon. +

+

+On the Monday when I saw Jenny, she declared that another hour's anxiety +would have killed her. We found that the time from the minute the sister +came into the bed-room, to the time she went downstairs was two hours. +Jenny thought that she must have been half-an-hour working at her dress. +Jenny had walked round the room trying if she could see me, or if I was +looking, but could only do so once or twice at the holes, or fancy she +did; but the long tear in the valance through which I could see with +both eyes at once, and just above which her sister had put up her legs, +she had never noticed; nor did she believe me when I said that I could +see the cunt when her sister's backside was towards me, when near the +window. So I made her lie down, and look from the floor whilst I stood +naked, pretending to cut my corns. Then she said it was a shame of me to +be peeping. She had a clear inspection from my bum-hole to my ballocks, +and knew I had seen the cunt. +

+

+She did not contend any longer. "Do you mean to say, that if you had +been under the bed, and had known a naked man was cutting his corns, you +would not have peeped out?" No she would not; but had it been a naked +woman perhaps she would, Jenny replied. So after she had heard from me +how much I had seen of her sister's body, between her back-bone and her +navel, and I had told her something which made her say, "Law has she!" +though I can't recollect what it was, the subject dropped. Then I learnt +from her more about her sister's wages, mode of life, and where she +worked; for although the thing seemed ridiculous, I had a letch, and +meant to try to put into that young woman if possible, though I had not +then stroked Jenny many weeks. I liked variety. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XXII. +

+
+     The Sunday following.—Chaste calculations.—The sister
+     alone.—My embarrassement.—Ale fetched.—Warm
+     conversation.—Stiffening.—Bolder talk.—An exhibition of
+     masculinity.—A golden promise.—Lust creeping.—Baudy
+     dalliance.—Cock and cunt in conjunction.
+
+

+On the following Sunday her young man was coming to London, and she was +to spend the day with him at his relatives. Her sister was to keep +the house, the husband was going elsewhere, so the sister would be +alone,—all provided it was fine weather. Jenny had promised her +Mistress that until her return she would never go out with her young +man, and that is how Jenny kept her word. She knew I would not tell, +would I?—I felt her cunt, and kissed her. "It's not very likely, is +it my pet?" Then she snivelled, said she was very wicked, and hoped God +would not punish her. +

+

+When I heard of this arrangement I lusted strongly. In vain I said to +myself, "What again a married woman! in comfortable circumstances for +her class, with two children,—a woman you have never spoken to,—can +you expect to get her!" I did not expect it, but had a burning desire to +see and speak to her, to look closely at, and have a chat with a woman +whose privates I had seen so nakedly. It seemed to me to promise a +titillating treat. Besides I had been so successful with women,—gay +women had even been anxious to get me,—that a half-belief came over me, +that if I had time, I could persuade even her to let me. Time was the +difficulty, for she did not yet even know me by face (so I thought, but +was wrong). At all events see her I would,—she was dissatisfied with +her fucking, that I knew; she might be randy, and then be much less +impregnable than she seemed; so I determined to see her on the Sunday +that Jenny went out. +

+

+I could think only of one powerful means of getting her, if anything +encouraged a hope, and that was by money. I had not too much then, +though getting better off, but determined if ten pounds would tempt her, +that she should have it. I was a long time I recollect pondering over +the sum. The Sunday turned out fine, I put the gold in my purse, and +went to the house just after their dinner-time, and after my luncheon, +at which I fed myself up well, and to give me courage took an extra +glass, for I had one of my nervous fits of funking come on, mixed with +doubts about the morality of deliberately trying a married woman. +

+

+She opened the door, I walked straight in. "Who are you?" "Where is the +housemaid?" said I, "I have promised Mrs. W——-to call and see from +time to time." "Oh! I'm her sister sir, my name is——-, I sleep here +every night sir, Mrs. W——- pays me to do so sir,—my sister is out +sir,—I'm very sorry, but she is not at all well from being confined to +the house so much,—I told her she might go to church,—it would be a +change, and give her a little fresh air;—she will be back at half-past +four sir." "Oh! so you are Mr. So-and-So?" "Yes I am." I walked into the +parlours. There was a large beer-jug and two tumblers on the table, and +ale in one glass. She rushed to take them away. "I beg pardon sir, but +Mrs. W——— said we might sit in the parlours, when we have done work, +and on Sundays besides, cause it's so dull in the kitchens." The woman +was agitated at her sister being out, and at being caught drinking beer +in the parlour; she thought I might make mischief, I suppose. +

+

+I told her that she need not disturb herself, for I should not stay +long, and kept looking with cock already stiffening into her face, +then at her arms, then at the bottom of her belly, and in my mind's eye +seeing the dark hair down there. I had planned conversation, but forgot +what to say, through thinking of her nakedness and sexual charms; and +stood staring at her till she turned her eyes away confused, and colored +up. +

+

+I continued to be embarrassed, and so lost recollection of all I had +intended to say and do, that I was actually going away. I asked one or +two stupid questions: if letters had come, if any one had been, and so +on; all the time thinking that I was looking through her clothes at her +naked charms. I was in a sort of a trance of baudiness which muddled me; +when noticing the ale-glass I asked, "What are you drinking?" "Fourpenny +ale sir." That reply broke the spell, my senses returned, I thought of +an excuse for stopping. "Give me a glass,—I'm thirsty." "That's the +last of it sir." "Can't you get some?" "The pot-boy brought that,—it's +Sunday, and the public is not always open." I looked at my watch. "It's +not church-time yet, send some one to fetch some,—I'm so thirsty, and +hot, and so tired,"—and I sat down. "I'm alone." "Is not your husband +here?" "No, no one." "Do you mind fetching me some?" "If you don't +mind waiting sir." "No." I gave her money. "How much?" "Oh! fill the +jug,—not with fourpenny,—with the best ale,—ask them to draw it +mild, and get me two bottles of ginger-beer". In a few minutes she was +back,—I had given her a five shilling piece. "You may keep the change." +"Thank you sir", said she quite touched and delighted. I always gave the +change to girls whom I wanted to poke. +

+

+In her absence I went all over the house that was not locked up, even to +the privy and coal-cellar, had satisfied myself that she was alone, and +was getting quite myself again when she came back. +

+

+"Have a glass." "Thank you sir." "So you are Jenny's sister,—Jane's her +name I think." Yes it was. "Aren't you afraid to be in the house of a +night?" No she was not. "Sit down." "Thank you sir,"—but she stood. "So +you are an upholstress,—sit down,"—and after a little pressure down +she sat. We took ale together, and no doubt I spoke with all that +kindness which a man shows towards a woman whom he desires to poke, I +have heard women say that I have a winning, persuasive manner. +

+

+Gradually the conversation became about herself. "You've two +children,—why not more?" "Oh! quite enough for poor people." "Well you +see I can't get any." "Poor people are sure to have lots." "Two is not a +lot,—how manage to stop at two?" "Oh! it's all chance." "Is not another +coming?" She was getting flushed and excited. "Lord no, I hope not." +"Don't you know?" "I don't." "Yes you do,—how old is your last?" "Four +years." "If I were your husband I'd have a dozen." "Well you say you +haven't any yet sir," said she. "No I can't get any." "Ah! if we had +your money!—but with we poor people is different,—it's hard enough to +fill the bellies of two." "And so you won't have your belly filled with +another little one,—won't you, eh!" +

+

+"Oh! Lord," said she laughing spite of herself, "you are plain-spoken." +I was in the vein now, did not say an improper word, but gave baudy +hints, smutty suggestions about the dullness of sleeping alone, of the +results of wives being away from husbands, etc., till her eyes twinkled, +and she laughed much. I had now broken down the barrier, had brought +myself to her level, and she as every other woman would have done, took +advantage of it, and began to return my chaffing and banter, every +woman feels instinctively that when a man is chaffing her (be it ever so +decently veiled), about fucking, that she may safely return it: both are +at once on a common level. A washerwoman would banter a prince, if the +subject was cunt, without the prince being offended. To talk of fucking +with a woman is to remove all social distinctions, and I had done it +without uttering at first a smutty word. +

+

+Jenny's sister went on chaffing, and drank ale freely. "Oh! I dare say, +but why don't you have children?" "I can't get any I tell you, but I +try." "Not much at home," said she, "from all I have heard." "No I try +out as well, and get none,—I'm a safe man." Then I found she knew a +lot about me and my affairs; She had actually worked at my house on some +curtains, had seen me once, and knew my voice, though for the moment she +had not recollected my face with my hat on when I entered the door that +afternoon. But I had never seen her at my house to my knowledge, though +if I had I was not likely to have noticed a common upholstress. +

+

+We went on chaffing, looking in each other's faces, each knowing we were +talking about fucking. "Well Mrs.——— playing at mother and father's +a delicious amusement, is it not?" "I don't know." "If you don't +know we'd better try,—I'd give five pounds to be your husband for +an hour,—and five pounds would buy you anew dress." "It would buy me +three," said she without noticing the other part of my remark. "Three?" +"Yes three,—I can't afford more than thirty shillings for a best +dress." "Really!—such a beautiful creature as you ought to have plenty +of dress, for I have rarely seen a more lovely woman, and so well +grown,—I'll bet you have fine limbs." She was flattered, the praise +upset her, her eyes tinkled. Yes she might have done better she knew, +but it was to be. I went close to her, caught and kissed her. She made +not too strong a resistance, but got away. "That's going a little too +far." "That's the beginning of a game at mother and father, and you are +going to have the three dresses." She laughed in a funny way. "I don't +want to be a mother any more, so I don't want any games." But she seemed +to me to look as if she did. +

+

+What did she get for stopping at the house? Five shillings a week, and +her supper and breakfast,—that was an object. "Five shillings?—why +my kiss was worth that,—let me give you another, and I'll give you +ten shillings for the two." "You don't mean that," said she with a low +laugh. "On my soul yes,—but you must give me a kiss as well." She +shook her head. "It's going too far," said she. "There it is, I'll trust +you,—you won't take it without letting me." She was then sitting. I put +the half sovereign into her hand. "Thank you sir," said she softly. I +kissed her rapturously, she let me kiss half-a-dozen times, and whilst +doing I so took hold of her hand, and pressed it as if by accident +against my cock. She a married woman knew the hard line her hand pressed +against, for she moved her hand away. "Now your promise,—kiss me." "I +didn't promise." "You took the money." "There then," said she giving me +a kiss, and jumping up sharply, "we are going too far,—we really are +now,—we don't either of us know what we are about I think." "I don't +think I do," said I, "for though I never saw you before, I've never been +so struck with a woman in my life, I'd give ten pounds to be in bed with +you an hour." +

+

+I had been putting my cock straight in my trowsers, feeling and +squeezing my balls whenever I saw her looking at me. I fancied she kept +looking askant at that part of my person. She was getting red in face, +hot, and confused in manner. Just then I observed a bed pillow on the +sofa, she had I guessed been laying down after dinner. "Why here is +a pillow,—you've been on the sofa with your husband,—you have been +playing at mother and father here." She burst out into laughter. "Why +I've not seen him for a week." "Then you've been tickling by yourself." +"Tickling?" (it was said quite innocently.) "Yes between your legs." +"Oh! really now you are a going too far sir," said she jumping up again, +"you speak too freely,—I don't like it." Then she laughed, and said, +"Well—this—really is,—oh!" +

+

+"Not at all,—you are lovely, exquisite, delicious,—if you've really +not seen your husband for a week, let me,—who will know?—we are in the +house alone,—let us,"—and standing close to her I put my arms round +her, but I felt afraid of going too far. +

+

+"You must not talk like that." "Oh! nonsense,—I'll give you six +pounds." "Oh! no, you don't mean what you say,—it's wild talk." I took +out my purse, and putting six pounds on the table in gold, just as I had +done to her sister the ten pounds; there said I, "That is yours,"—and +pulled out my prick. She got up, and ran to the other side of the room +as if I had pulled out a pistol. "You're talking too plain sir,—it's +going too far,—if you expose yourself like that I'll go to the +street-door." I'm at a loss to know why I pitched upon six pounds, I had +intended ten, but cannot tell why I offered that particular sum. I have +often thought since, of what made me take that economical figure. +

+

+"Sit down." "I won't if you expose yourself,—it's not gentlemanlike." I +put my cock into my trowsers, then kissed her again, resistance was not +so strong. "Now sir don't." "Sit down my darling,"—and getting her to +the sofa we went on talking. "How foolish,—who would know,—why not +delight me,—why not take the money." "No." "Do now." "No." "Won't you?" +"Of course not,—no,—no." "Well kiss me." "There then." "Do let me +dear." "I won't,—I won't,—I shan't,—there." +

+

+Just then I noticed one of her garters was hanging down by her foot. +"Your garter's undone," said I. I stooped forwards, and took it up. +"Give it me." I kissed it. "No,—it's been so near where I want to go, +—I shall keep it till I've been there." "You will keep it a long time +then." +

+

+She drank more ale, it was sweet and strong, and I went on talking. +Thought I, "She must want it if she has not seen her husband for a +week." Where did she garter.—below or above knee? "Let me feel?" I felt +outside, then pinched the leg, then higher up. She began looking me full +in the face, and laughing at my smutty insinuations. I pulled her back +on the sofa, kissed her, and let her rise up again. I repeated the pull +and the kiss more than once, and then as she was rising up and saying, +"Now don't pull me about like that," I put her hand on my prick which +I had slipped out again. "Oh!"—and she let it go. Quick as lightning +I slipped a hand up her clothes to her cunt. "Let me now,—there's a +darling." "I shan't." "Do." "I shan't." She repulsed my hand, but did +not get away from me. I thought from the way she looked at me, and the +quiet manner in which she pushed away my hand, that she was hot with +lust, and could scarcely refuse me. I pulled her to me, and got my +finger on her clitoris. "Do let me feel your cunt, and fuck,—put my +prick in there,—let us,—do darling," said I twiddling like mad, and +rattling out a volume of baudiness. +

+

+She bore it all for a minute quietly, wriggling and saying, "I +shan't,—I won't,—no, now take your hand away." Then with a sudden +impulse she pushed me off, got up, and sat down further from me on the +sofa. "Oh! now be quiet,—let me think a minute,—I don't know whether +I'm on my heels or my head." She picked up something which had fallen at +her feet, as she had doubled herself down when my finger was stimulating +her randiness. +

+

+Then catching her by her waist I pulled her back on to the sofa, and +threw myself on her. "You shan't" were the last words I recollect her +uttering; as I threw up her clothes and felt the wet gash. My prick the +next instant was buried in it, and we were fucking. +

+

+"Don't,—oh.—take it out,—do,—oh!—oh!—ohoe!" she murmured. She +had fetched me, and pump; pump, pump, pump, went my spunk up her. Then +delicious oblivion. As I came to myself I found her arse still moving. +"Oh! do" she murmured. She was besides herself, with desire to spend. +

+

+But my prick instead of obeying me as it usually did on such exciting +occasions, refused, and shrinking left her cunt, to my intense vexation. +"I haven't done it," said she softly, and with disappointment as her bum +ceased its labors, and my tool lay dropping outside her quim. +

+

+We spoke no more, but I lay trying to squeeze it up again. To stiffen it +I felt up and round her, rubbed the tip on her spermy nymphoe, she made +gentle efforts to second me, but it was of no use, so I rolled off. +She sat up, and after looking at me for a minute with eyes filled with +baudiness, began like all women, to feel if her hair was all right. +"Were you just coming my dear?" She made no reply. +

+

+She had not taken any care to arrange her dress, it had dragged up +behind her bum, and the petticoats were up to her knees, the leg which +had lost its garter was half naked. Taking her round the waist I put my +hand on to her cunt, and titillated the clitoris. She let me go on, +and continued feeling about her hair. Then looking me full in the +face, looking as if she were ready to spend, she pushed me away. +"Don't,—don't,—I don't like it done that way." "You can do it that +way yourself, can't you?" "Of course I can." "I shall soon fuck again." +"Oh! I dare say," and she walked to the looking-glass, then went to the +window, and looked out into the garden without paying any heed to my +exciting remarks. I sat on the sofa feeling my cock, and trying to +stiffen it, but it was useless; so I tried to interest her in something +else, feeling annoyed, though I had nothing to be ashamed of. +

+ + +




+ +

+ CHAPTER XXIII. +

+
+     Jenny's bed-room.—The money hid.—On the bed.—Fears of
+     maternity.—Inspection of sex.—The use of a husband.—
+     Another Sunday.—Regrets and refusal.—Resistance overcome.—
+     Jenny's ignorance.—Her Master returns.—Difficulty in
+     getting at Jenny.—Her sister waylaid.—Against a fence.—
+     Jenny's marriage, and rise in life.
+
+

+"Why don't you take the money?" said I. "You really mean it?" "Of +course." She took it up. "It's a real God-send,—it comes just in +time,—who'd have thought it?" said she as if to herself. "I must put +it where it can't be found, and take it home to-morrow." She went to +the door. "Aren't you going?" "No I'm going to do it again soon." "But +you're not." "But I am." Without reply she went upstairs. I had meant to +have ready a stiff-stander, when she came back, but changed my mind, and +followed her. She was nearly at the top when hearing me she waited, and +said, "What do you want?" +

+

+"I'm coming to see what you do." "You won't." "I will." "I'll come down +and wait till you are gone." "I'll stop till your sister comes home." +"Do go down sir," said she in a coaxing tone. "No." She sat down on the +top-stairs, I did the same a few stairs below her. Her knees were wide +apart, my mind went to the afternoon when I had seen her naked. That +glorious two hours. I stared in a voluptuous reverie, her cunt was as +visible to me through her clothes, as if she were naked, and my cock +began to swell. I stared on without uttering a word. +

+

+"What are you staring at?" said she at last, "go down, and I'll be down +in a minute." "I'm looking at your cunt, it's open slightly, I can see +my spunk in it." "Oh!" said she jumping up, "I never heard such a man in +my life." (She had the gold still in her hand.) "You have upset me so, +I don't know what I am about." She then turned her bum round towards +me, and I put my hand quickly up her clothes, as she went up the stairs. +"Oh! you frighten me so I don't know what I'm doing." I followed her +into the room, and she locked up the money in a bag that was in a +drawer. Turning round she saw my prick out, and as stiff as ever. It was +the recollection of what had taken place in that room on the Saturday +week previous, which had rendered me capable again. I closed on her, +kissing and inciting her, pulled her to the bed, and began feeling +her. "I don't like that done,—you know you can't,—leave me alone,—go +down,—oh! don't." +

+

+I coaxed her for a second. She got on to the bed, and opened her thighs +wide like a well-trained fuckster to help me, I inserted my penis, and +she met me with passion. I was not so rapid, the want of a spend was +not now overpowering my senses; whilst she had had two hours baudy talk, +been fucked, but cheated of her pleasure, and been left at the critical +moment, unsatisfied, with my spunk in her. She was dying for a spend, +wanting it like a woman who has been for a week unsatisfied. Her cunt +was hungry for prick, throbbing and tightening to pour out it's amatory +juices, her backside's movements became quick and fierce. +"Oh! it's big," she gasped whilst I was still sensible, +"oh!—I'm—com—coming,"—and gluing her mouth to mine she spent +copiously ere I'd well nigh began to feel the full urging of lust. +

+

+The constriction of her cunt, the delight of feeling her pleasure +increased my stiffness. "Let me wash,—do." "You won't come on the bed +again." "Yes I will, but let me wash." I clutched her like a vise. "NO +I'm coming,—you'll spend again." My prick stiffer and stiffer drove +with fury up against her womb. "Oh! don't push so hard." "Fuck my +darling,—there,—the tip's only in,—it's in your spunk, and mine +together." "Oh! you hurt." On I drove. Her backside's play began, her +lips were glued to mine, our tongues played against each other, and we +spent together with ejaculations. "Oh!—don't,—you hurt,—oh! oh!—I'm +coming." Then we lay palpitating, my prick throbbing and soaking, her +cunt squeezing and sucking. +

+

+"Let me get up,—let me wash,—pray do." I laid on her heavy, nestled my +balls up to her arse, held her as long as I could; but uncunting me she +got off the bed, and washed her cunt. I still lay playing with my prick. +"You'll have a child this day nine months my dear." "Oh! my God don't +say so,—but I believe I shall." "You are all right, I don't get them +you know." "Have you never had any children!" "None at home." "Oh! +that's nothing,—have you any out, for you are a gay man?" +

+

+I got up to piss, and saw my thick sperm in the basin. "You've washed it +all out my dear,—you are safe." She shook her head. "This is a +strange business," she remarked, "I scarce know where I am,—what I'm +about,—it's impossible,"—and she stood staring at me playing with my +cock. Then she went to the drawer and looked at the money, as if she +doubted its being there. "It's a fact," she said locking it up again, +"are you not going down?" "No." "I wish you would,—I want to be by +myself." "You want to piddle." "You are a strange man," and taking the +pot she pissed. "You'd better empty all," said I, "if your sister Jenny +comes back and sees it, she will think your husband's been doing it +to you." "She won't think or know anything if she does see," said Mrs. +———"Well I declare I'm a talking to you just like my husband,—I +don't seem to know whether I am on my head or my heels." +

+

+"Church must be over,—Jenny has not come back." "She won't be back till +nine o'clock, she is out with her young man." "Oh! not at church?" "No +I told you so because Mrs. W——-told her not to go out on Sunday;—but +you won't tell?" "Of course not my dear, I dare say Jenny and her +young man have done what we have been doing." "Lord sir, he is a +most respectable young man, and far above her,—they are going to be +married,—she is lucky, luckier than I am,—she'd knock his head off +if he laid hand upon her improperly,—that she would, she! Lor bless +you,"—and Mrs. ——— laughed with incredulity. I laughed also. "Ah! +she looks a quiet young woman." "So she is, and so is he,—his family is +well off,"—and then she told me all that Jenny had told me. +

+

+"I wish you would let me make the bed." "I'm going to have you again." +"Oh! likely." "I am." "No you're not,—please go." "No." "Then I shall +go downstairs," "Go my dear." She took me at my word, her manner had +quite changed, she had been laughing and chaffing, she had blushed, +looked at me with fun and lust in her eyes, and at last with full open +eyes one moment, followed by the half-dosed eye and languishing manner +of a randy woman. Now she was quiet, almost sullen, and if she looked at +me her eyes fell directly, the randiness had been taken out of her. "I +must rouse it up well if I am to have her again," said I, to myself as I +lay thinking about her, and the delicious sight I had seen in that room, +the sight I never dare disclose to her,—but how I longed to tell her. +

+

+Up she came looking glum. "Are you not going?" "No." "Let me make the +bed then." "Not until I have had you again." "Then it will go unmade." +"That won't matter to me." "But it will to me,—what will my sister say +if she sees the bed's been laid upon like that?" "Perhaps she will think +a man has been with you." "Well you take it mighty cool,—I do +hope you're going." "Not till I've had you." "Now you are a talking +nonsense,—you know you can't do it," said she with an incredulous look, +and the tone of a woman who knew what a prick could do and what not. +"Look at this," I uncovered my prick which was nearly at a full-stand. +She smiled when she saw it. "Nonsense I am ashamed." "My dear I'm proud, +and not ashamed,—come." "I shan't." "Then here I'll lay,"—and I fell +back, and pulled balls and cod well out of my trowsers. +

+

+I had always a lust stirring tongue, fifty women have told me so. "You'd +talk any women randy," said a gay woman once to me. Brighton Bessie +said, that in five minutes I could talk her into a lewd state. Others +have given me similar compliments. I was not specially conscious of that +power that I recollect, but instinctively used it when I had got over +fits of modesty, which sometimes prevented my uttering even veiled +allusions for a time. +

+

+Mrs. ——— like Jenny was easily flattered. What lovely limbs she had +I said; had she much hair on her cunt? my excitement had prevented me +feeling or seeing it. "Come and let me feel,—let me look." She colored +and blushed, and at every lascivious remark, "Oh! I never,—no I never +did,—oh!" Then she again went to the drawer where the money was, +looked in it as if to make sure it was there, and locked the drawer now. +"Mine's bigger than your husband's, isn't it?" "Well if I ever heard +such remarks." "You said it was big when it was up you." "Oh! you +story." "You did my dear, you said when you were just coming, 'Oh! it's +big.'" "I didn't." "Yes you did, you know you did,—look how stiff it +is now,—come." "I won't." +

+

+I moved off the bed, caught her, and pushed her against the side of the +bed. "Let's see your cunt." "You shan't." "How foolish,—I've fucked it +twice,—let me feel it, and you feel my cock,—let me look at it,—I'm +sure it's lovely." She got on to the bed after a little resistance, took +my pego in her fist, and I got my fingers in her crack. "A delicious +fuck you are,"—then she let me pull up her clothes and look. "My +God what a lovely cunt,—how deliciously you join your wet lips to +mine,—how you move,—I shall never forget it to the last moment of +my life,—oh! let me." "I musn't,—I would, but I'm frightened." "How +foolish,—it's not an hour since my prick was in you,—what is the harm +of doing it another time?" "Will you go then?" "Yes." Gently Mrs.——— +opened her thighs. Our backsides were soon at the short wriggles. "It's +big, isn't it?" "Oh! don't," said she, "I shall spend." My remark, +tallying perhaps with something which was passing in her own mind +fetched her, and me with her instantly. +

+

+When it was over I would not go. "No I'll do it again." "That's +nonsense," said she, "you know you can't, even if you try, and you're +only making me anxious." We laid side by side talking, for she liked +the subject. I had a most buttock-stirring letch on me, and to her +astonishment in about an hour I produced another stiff one. One +persuasion is very much like another with the same woman; each time I +had less difficulty, for she liked the poking. Dusk was coming on, she +got lights, she fetched some liquor, and after the liquor I got her to +lay on the sofa (for we then had gone downstairs), and on pretence +of kissing her quim I got her to open her thighs wide, and saw in the +twilight what I had seen before, large and ugly inner-lips. For all that +I fucked her again, after frigging myself up gently to stiffness, and +fucked as if it was the last bout with a woman I was ever going to have. +Then I left at her earnest entreaties before her sister returned. I had +been there six hours. +

+

+I called on Jenny next day. She was in a way. Her sister directly she +had returned home said she must go and see her husband; and spite of +Jenny's entreaties not to leave her alone, had gone and never returned +all night. Jenny could not make out the reason, but thought that she +went away expecting to find her husband with a woman. She returned to +sleep as usual on the Monday night with Jenny, I found subsequently. +

+

+That day I went off without poking Jenny, and slunk away ashamed. I +was done up with poking her sister. Jenny seemed astonished, but said +nothing. +

+

+Afterwards I got out of Jenny cautiously all I wanted to know about her +sister. The result was, that finding on the next Sunday fortnight, Jenny +was again going out with her young man, and the sister again would be +left in the house, I went there. The woman's astonishment was great, and +I believe she was genuinely distressed at seeing me. I attacked her for +a time fruitlessly, she would not move from the street-door. "Did you +not swear when I let you do it the last time, you would never come near +me again, and never tell any one?" said she. +

+

+I could not deny it, had great difficulty with her, and thought I never +should succeed. For full an hour with her back against the wall of the +passage did she stand, refusing to move. I pulled up her clothes, felt +her cunt, knelt on the mat, got my head up her petticoats, my nose on +her motte, my mouth on her thighs and cunt, my hand round her marbly +buttocks, and held her kissing, sniffing, and groping my fingers between +her bum-cheeks, and the red orifice which I wanted to plug. In her +struggles to prevent me she once nearly fell, but she got away. +

+

+But what woman who has been fucked by a man could withstand an hour's +persistent feeling, cunt-kissing, baudy talk, and beseeching. I +conquered, and fucked her on the sofa. She did not rush out to wash her +cunt as she had done at our first meeting, there was no water near. I +had her again and again. At each assault when the pleasure overtook her, +she had the same mouth-sucking and arse-wagging. When our love-making +was over, I gave her two pounds. I had offered it her before in the +passage, but she had knocked it out of my hand. When she took it she +said, "Ah! it's an awful thing to be poor!" I shall tell of another +woman who made the same excuse to herself for getting her lust +satisfied, or yielding. +

+

+That satisfied me, and I never had her again in the house. A letch for +her came again about two months afterwards,—why? God only knows, for +then at times I was having her sister, another woman, Louisa Fisher, +and lastly Sarah Mavis. The old couple had returned, Jenny had a +fellow-servant; I could only get a poke up her with difficulty on the +Sundays, which her young man did not see her. I took her to a baudy +house for an hour or so, then she went to church, and heard the text, +because her Mistress always asked her what the text was when she went +home. It was a supposition that she went to church on a Sunday. +

+

+I knew where Jenny's sister lived, and the place where she worked. It +was now dark about six o'clock. I waylaid her on her way home on the +high-road which was well lighted and full of people. I walked with her, +but she prayed me not to do so, for her husband came partly the same +road, and sometimes met her. What would happen if he met her with a +swell walking by her side. I could not persuade her to go to a house. +No,—she was not a loose woman, though she knew what she had done,—I +had done her more harm than I had any idea of, already,—why injure +her? +

+

+The more she objected, the more I longed for her. At last under solemn +promise that I would go away after, we turned up a short street leading +into a lane by garden-grounds, and there up a fence I fucked her. Away +she went, and I never saw her afterwards to speak to, though I have +passed her without taking notice. I think that in that parting fuck I +had all the pleasure, she none. +

+

+Jenny's Mistress had been taken ill at the seaside, and kept there a +month longer than was intended. Owing to this my complete enjoyment of +Jenny's charms was prolonged, and to that I owed the second Sunday's +fucking of Jenny's sister. Old Mr. W——- came up to London twice, and +once nearly caught me in the house. I had written to say I had called +at their home, and had never found their servant out. The lady wrote to +thank me, and in writing to my mother, said how much obliged they were +for my calling; but my wife said she thought the servant (Jenny) was a +sly sort of minx, and wondered how they could be so foolish as to leave +her in the house by herself. +

+

+When they came to town I was for a time very intimate with them, which +pleased them much. Jenny used to let me out at the garden-gate, and +leave the gate unlocked. Instead of going away, I used to hide in the +shrubs, Jenny would come back, close the street-door ajar, and a few +minutes afterwards come out again very quietly. Then up against an +ivy covered wall we poked, and she went indoors with wetted privates. +Sometimes after waiting I had to go away unsatisfied, she not appearing, +sometimes rain prevented us,—all of which was very annoying. +

+

+Fucking her in fact became a matter of anxiety. She had to dodge her +fellow-servant as well as her Master and Mistress, and we copulated in +fear and trembling. In the midst of the work she has left me because +of some scare; once she went off saying, "Oh! there is Missus' bell +ringing,—oh!"—and uncunting me, off she ran. One night we went on +to the flower-beds between two large trees, and the next day the old +gentleman remarked that some man had got over the wall into his garden, +and he should tell the police. If there was moonlight we were done. One +night latish she was sent to fetch some butter. I waited, and we fucked +up against some palings. Unfortunately the butter was let fall out of +the basket on to the gravel. We went back for more, but the shop was +then shut, so she had to take home the dirty butter, and make the best +story she could about it. On Sundays when at the baudy house, the girl +was awfully frightened lest she should be seen, and we used to walk +there on opposite sides of the way, I going in first. Then we went away +with similar precautions,—but I began to get very tired of this, having +indeed had enough of her. +

+

+Jenny had lost all fear of being in the family way, and poked freely, +but she never ceased bewailing her poor young man; though at length my +tool had become to her a thing to be longed for. The young man had money +left him, quitted his place, and Jenny left to be married. I heard of +them for many years afterwards, they opened a shop, then a larger one, +and so on, till at length he became (I found this quite recently) the +mayor of the town,—if not it was some one of the same name, and in the +same line of business. He was much respected, and Jenny his wife was +equally so. They had no children up to the time when the old lady her +former Mistress, died; and for aught I know they may still be living in +the town of———. +

+

+One night some time before she left her situation, we spoke of her +sister. "She is in the family way again," said she, "and in such a way +about it, and so is he,—the night she left me to sleep by myself, she +went home to her husband, because she suspected there was another +woman there;—well that night she declared he did not let his stuff go +outside,—he says he did,—they quarrel, he says it's her fault, and she +says it's his." +

+

+Then it seemed evident to me that after the heavy fucking I gave her +that day, that she feared being in the family way; so went home, and +incited her man to fuck her, and enable her to say that the child was +his, and of course it might have been, though it might have been mine. +

+
+FINIS VOLUME THREE +
+ + +
+
+
+
+
+ + + + diff --git a/30360.txt b/30360.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..54de427 --- /dev/null +++ b/30360.txt @@ -0,0 +1,23704 @@ +Project Gutenberg's My Secret Life, Volumes I. to III., by Anonymous + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: My Secret Life, Volumes I. to III. + 1888 Edition + +Author: Anonymous + +Release Date: October 30, 2009 [EBook #30360] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MY SECRET LIFE, VOLUMES I. TO III. *** + + + + +Produced by An Anonymous Volunteer (This file was produced +from scans of public domain material produced by Google +Books) + + + + + + +MY SECRET LIFE + +By An Anonymous Author + + +Amsterdam 1888 + + +Privately Printed For Subscribers. + + + +This first reprint of "My Secret Life" is for private distribution +among connoisseur collectors. It is strictly limited to four hundred +and seventy five copies, all of which have been subscribed for prior to +publication. + + + + +INTRODUCTION + +In 18-- my oldest friend died. We had been at school and college +together, and our intimacy had never been broken. I was trustee for his +wife and executor at his death. He died of a lingering illness, during +which his hopes of living were alternately raised, and depressed. Two +years before he died, he gave me a huge parcel carefully tied up and +sealed. Take care of, but don't open this he said: if I get better, +return it to me, if I die, let no mortal eye but yours see it, and burn +it. + +His widow died a year after him. I had well nigh forgoten this packet +which I had had full three years, when looking for some title deeds +I came cross it, and opened it, as it was my duty to do. Its contents +astonished me. The more I read it, the more marvellous it seemed. I +pondered long on the meaning of his instructions when he gave it to me, +and kept the manuscript some years, hesitating what to do with it. + +At length I came to the conclusion knowing his idiosyncracy well, that +his fear was only lest any one should know who the writer was; and +feeling that it would be sinful to destroy such a history, I copied the +manuscript and destroyed the original. He died relationless. + +No one now can trace the author, no names are mentioned in the book, +though they were given freely in the margin of his manuscript, and I +alone know to whom the initials refer. If I have done harm in printing +it, I have done none to him, have indeed only carried out his evident +intention, and given to a few a secret history, which bears the impress +of truth on every page, a contribution to psychology. + + + + +PREFACE + +I began these memoirs when about twenty-five years old, having from +youth kept a diary of some sort, which perhaps from habit made me think +of recording my inner and secret life. + +When I began it, I had scarcely read a baudy book, none of which +excepting "Fanny Hill" appeared to me to be truthful, that did, and +it does so still; the others telling of recherche eroticisms, or +of inordinate copulative powers, of the strange twists, tricks, and +fancies, of matured voluptuousness, and philosophical lewedness, seemed +to my comparative ignorance, as baudy imaginings, or lying inventions, +not worthy of belief; although I now know by experience, that they may +be true enough, however eccentric, and improbable, they may appear to +the uninitiated. + +Fanny Hill was a woman's experience. Written perhaps by a woman, where +was a man's, written with equal truth? That book has no baudy word +in it; but baudy acts need the baudy ejaculations; the erotic, full +flavored expressions, which even the chastest indulge in, when lust, or +love, is in its full tide of performance. So I determined to write my +private life freely as to fact, and in the spirit of the lustful acts +done by me, or witnessed; it is written therefore with absolute truth, +and without any regard whatever for what the world calls decency. +Decency and voluptuousness in its fullest acceptance, cannot exist +together, one would kill the other; the poetry of copulation I have only +experienced with a few women, which however neither prevented them, nor +me from calling a spade, a spade. + +I began it for my amusement; when many years had been chronicled I tired +of it and ceased. Some ten years afterwards I met a woman, with whom, +or with those she helped me do; I did, said, saw, and heard, well nigh +everything a man and woman could do with their genitals, and began to +narrate those events, when quite fresh in my memory, a great variety of +incidents extending over four years or more. Then I lost sight of her, +and my amorous amusements for a while were simpler, but that part of my +history was complete. + +After a little while, I set to work to describe the events of the +intervening years of my youth, and early middle age; which included most +of my gallant intrigues and adventures of a frisky order; but not the +more lascivious ones of later years. Then an illness caused me to think +seriously of burning the whole. But not liking to destroy my labor, I +laid it aside again for a couple of years. Then another illness gave +me long uninterrupted leisure; I read my manuscript, and filled in some +occurrences which I had forgotten, but which my diary enabled me to +place in their proper order. This will account for the difference in +style in places, which I now observe; and a very needless repetition, +of voluptuous descriptions, which I had forgotten, had been before +described; that however is inevitable, for human copulation, vary the +incidents leading up to it as you may, is, and must be, at all times, +much the same affair. + +Then for the first time, I thought I would print my work that had been +commenced more than twenty years before, but hesitated. I then had +entered my maturity, and on to the most lascivious portion of my life, +the events were disjointed, and fragmentary and my amusement was to +describe them just after they occurred. Most frequently the next day I +wrote all down with much prolixity, since, I have much abbreviated it. + +I had from youth an excellent memory, but about sexual matters a +wonderful one. Women were the pleasure of my life. I loved cunt, but +also she who had it; I like the woman I fucked and not simply the cunt +I fucked, and therein is a great difference. I recollect even now in a +degree which astonishes me, the face, color, stature, thighs, backside, +and cunt, of well nigh every woman I have had, who was not a mere +casual; and even of some who were. The clothes they wore, the houses and +rooms in which I had them, were before me mentally, as I wrote, the way +the bed, and furniture were placed, the side of the room the windows +were on, I remembered perfectly; and all the important events I can fix +as to time, sufficiently nearly by reference to my diary, in which the +contemporaneous circumstances of my life are recorded. + +I recollect also largely what we said, and did, and generally our baudy +amusements. Where I fail to have done so, I have left description blank, +rather than attempt to make a story coherent by inserting what was +merely probable. I could not now account for my course of action, nor +why I did this, or said that, my conduct seems strange, foolish, absurd, +very frequently, that of some women, equally so, but I can but state +what did occur. + +In a few cases, I have for what even seems to me very strange, suggested +reasons, or causes, but only where the facts seem by themselves to be +very improbable, but have not exaggerated anything willingly. When I +have named the number of times I have fucked a woman in my youth, I may +occasionally be in error, it is difficult to be quite accurate on such +points after a lapse of time. But as before said in many cases the +incidents were written down a few weeks and often within a few +days after they occurred. I do not attempt to pose as a Hercules in +copulation, there are quite sufficient braggarts on that head, much +intercourse with gay women, and doctors, makes me doubt the wonderful +feats in coition, some men tell of. + +I have one fear about publicity, it is that of having done a few things +by curiosity and impulse (temporary abberations), which even professed +libertines may cry fie on. There are plenty who will cry fie who have +done all and worse than I have and habitually, but crying out at the +sins of others was always a way of hiding one's own iniquity. Yet from +that cause perhaps no mortal eye but mine, will see this history. The +christian name of the servants mentioned are generally the true ones, +the other names mostly false, the phonetically resembling the true +ones. Initials nearly always the true ones. In most cases the woman they +represent are dead or lost to me. Streets and baudy houses named are +nearly always correct. Most of the houses named are now closed or pulled +down; but any middle aged man about town would recognize them. Where a +road, house, room, or garden is described, the description is exactly +true; even to the situation of a tree, chair, bed, sofa, pisspot. The +district is sometimes given wrongly; but it matters little whether +Brompton be substituted for Hackney, or Camden Town for Walworth. Where +however owing to the incidents it is needful, the places of amusement +are given correctly. The Tower, and Argyle rooms, for example. All this +is done to prevent giving pain to some, perhaps still living, for I have +no malice to gratify. + +I have mystified family affairs, but if I say I had ten cousins, when I +had but six, or that one aunt's house was in Surrey instead of Kent, or +in Lancashire; it breaks the clue and cannot matter to the reader. + +But my doings with man and woman are as true as gospel. If I say that +I saw, or did, that with a cousin male, or female, it was with a cousin +and no mere acquaintance; if with a servant, it was with a servant; if +with a casual acquaintance, it is equally true. Nor if I say I had that +woman, and did this or that with her, or felt or did aught else with a +man, is there a word of untruth excepting as to the place at which the +incidents occurred. But even those are mostly correctly given, this is +intended to be a true history, and not a lie. + + + + +SECOND PREFACE + +Some years have passed away since I penned the foregoing, and it is not +printed. I have since gone through abnormal phases of amatory life, have +done and seen things, had tastes and letches which years ago I thought +were the dreams of erotic mad-men; these are all described, the +manuscript has grown into unmanageable bulk, shall it, can it be +printed? What will be said or thought of me, what become of the +manuscript if found when I am dead, better to destroy the whole, it has +fulfilled its purpose in amusing me, now let it go to the flames! + +I have read my manuscript, through what reminiscences I had actually +forgotten some of the early ones; how true the detail strikes me as I +read of my early experiences; had it not been written then, it never +could have been written now, has anybody but myself faithfully made such +a record? It would be a sin to burn all this, whatever society may +say it is but a narrative of human life, perhaps the every day life of +thousands, if the confession could be had. + +What strikes me as curious in reading it, is the monotony of the course +I have pursued toward women who were not of the gay class; it has been +as similar, and repetitive as fucking itself; do all men act so, does +every man kiss, coax, hint smuttily, then talk baudily, snatch a feel, +smell his fingers, assault, and win, exactly as I have done? Is every +woman offended, say no, then oh! blush, be angry, refuse, close her +thighs, after a struggle open them, and yield to her lust as mine have +done? A conclave of whores telling the truth, and of Romish Priests, +could alone settle the point. Have all men had the strange letches which +late in life have enraptured me, though in early days the idea of them +revolted me? I can never know this, my experience if printed may enable +others to compare as I cannot. + +Shall it be burnt or printed? How many years have passed in this +indecision, why fear; it is for others' good and not my own if +preserved. + + + + +VOLUME ONE + + + +CHAPTER I. + + Earliest recollections.--An erotic nurse-maid.--Ladies + abed.--My cock.--A frisky governess.--Cousin Fred.--Thoughts + on pudend.--A female pedler.--Baudy pictures.--A naked + baby. + +My earliest recollections of things sexual are of what I think must have +occurred some time between my age of five, and eight years. I tell of +them just as I recollect them, without attempt to fill in what seems +probable. + +She was I suppose my nursemaid. I recollect that she sometimes held my +little prick when I piddled, was it needful to do so? I don't know. She +attempted to pull my propuce back, when, and how often I know not. But I +am clear at seeing the prick tip show, of feeling pain, of yelling out, +of her soothing me, and of this occurring more than once. She comes to +my memory as a shortish, fattish young female and that she often felt my +prick. + +One day, it must have been late in the afternoon, for the sun was low, +but shining--how strange I should recollect that so clearly--but I have +always recollected sunshine.--I had been walking out with her, toys had +been bought me, we were both carrying them, she stopped and talked to +some men, one caught hold of her and kissed her, I felt frightened, it +was near a coach stand, for hackney coaches were there, cabs were not +then known, she put what toys she had on to my hands, and went into a +house with a man. What house? I don't know. Probably a public-house, for +there was one not far from a coach stand, and not far from our house. +She came out and we went home. + +Then I was in our house in a carpeted room with her; it could not have +been the nursery I know, sitting on the floor with my toys, so was she; +she played with me and the toys, we rolled over each other on the floor +in fun, I have a recollection of having done that with others, and of my +father and mother, being in that room at times with me playing. + +She kissed me, got out my cock, and played with it, took one of my hands +and put it underneath her clothes. It felt rough there, that's all, she +moved my little hand violently there then she felt my cock and again +hurt me, I recollect seeing the red tip appear as she pulled down the +prepuce, and my crying out, and her quieting me. + +Then of her being on her back, of my striding across or between her +legs, and her heaving me up and down, and my riding cock-horse and that +it was not the first time I had done so; then I fell flat on her, she +heaved me up and down and squeezed me till I cried. I scrambled of! of +her, and in doing so, my hand, or foot went through a drum, I had been +drumming on, at which I cried. + +As I sat crying on the floor besides her, I recollect her naked legs, +and one of her hands shaking violently beneath her petticoats, and of my +having some vague notion that the woman was ill, I felt timid. All was +for a moment quiet, her hand ceased, still she lay on her back, and I +saw her thighs, then turning round she drew me to her, kissed me and +tranquillised me. As she turned round I saw one side of her backside, I +leant over it and laid my face on it, crying about my broken drum, the +evening sunbeams made it all bright, it had at some time been raining I +recollect. + +I expect I must have seen her cunt, as I sat beside her naked thigh. +Looking towards her and crying about my broken drum, and when I saw +her hand moving no doubt she was frigging. Yet I have not the slightest +recollection of her cunt, nor of anything more than I have told. But of +having seen her naked thighs, I am certain, I seem often to have seen +them, but cannot feel certain of that. + +The oddest thing is, that whilst I early recollected more or less +clearly what took place two or three years later on, and ever +afterwards, on sexual matters; and what I said, heard, and did, and +nearly consecutively, this my first recollection of cock, and cunt, +escaped my memory for full twenty years. + +Then one day talking with the husband of one of my cousins, about +infantine incidents he told me something which had occurred to him in +his childhood; and suddenly, almost as quickly as a magic lantern throws +a picture on to a wall, this which had occurred to me came into my mind. +I have since thought over it a hundred times, but cannot recollect one +circumstance relating to the adventure more than I have told. + +My mother had been giving advice to my cousin about nursemaids. They +were not to be trusted. "When Walter was a little fellow, she had +dismissed a filthy creature, whom she had detected in abominable +practices with one of her children," what they were my mother never +disclosed. She hated indelicacies of any sort, and usually cut short +allusion to them by saying, "It's not a subject to talk about, let's +talk of something else." My cousin told her husband, and when we +were together he told me, and his own experiences, and then all the +circumstances came into my mind, just as I have told here. + +I could not, as the reader will hear, thoroughly uncover my prick tip +without pain, till I was sixteen years old nor well then when quite +stiff unless it went up a cunt. My nursemaid I expect thought this +curious, and tried to remedy the error in my make, and hurt me. My +mother, by her extremely delicate feeling, shut herself off from much +knowledge of the world, which was the reason why she had such implicit +belief in my virtue, until I had seen twenty-two years, and kept, or +nearly so, a French harlot. + +I imagine I must have slept with this nurse-maid, and certainly I did +with some female, in a room called the Chinese room, on account of the +color of the wall papers. I recollect a female being there in bed with +me, that I awoke one morning feeling very hot, and stifled, and that my +head was against flesh; that flesh was all about me, my mouth and nose +being embedded in hair, or some thing scrubby, which had a hot peculiar +odour. I have a recollection of a pair of hands suddenly clutching, +and dragging me up on to the pillow, and of daylight then. I have no +recollection of a word being uttered. This incident I could not long +have forgoten, having told my cousin Fred, of it before my father died. +He used to say it was the governess. I suppose, I must have slipped down +in my sleep, till my head laid against her belly, and cunt. + +Some years afterwards when I got the smell of another woman's cunt on my +fingers, it at once reminded me of the smell I had under my nose in +the bed; and I knew at a flash, that I had smelt cunt before, and +recollected where, but no more. + +How long after, I have no idea, but it seems like two or three years, +there was a dance in our house, several relations were to stop the night +with us, the house was full, here was bustle, the shifting of beds, the +governess going into a servant's room to sleep, and so on. Some female +cousins were amongst those stopping with us; going into the drawing-room +suddenly, I heard my mother saying to one of my aunts: "Walter is after +all but a child, and its only for one night." Hish-hish both said, as +they saw me, then my mother sent me out of the room, wondering why they +were talking about me, and feeling curious, and annoyed at being sent +away. + +I had been in the habit then of sleeping in a room, either with another +bed in it, or close to a room leading out of it, with another bed, I +cannot recollect which; I used to call out to whoever might have been +there when I was in bed: for being timid, the door was kept open for me. +It could not have been a man who slept there, for the men servants slept +on the ground-floor, I have seen their beds there. + +The night I speak of, my bed was taken out, and put into the Chinese +paper room, one of the maids who helped to move it, sat on the pot and +piddled; I heard the rattle, and as far as I can recollect it was the +first time I noticed anything of the sort, tho I recollect well seeing +women putting on their stockings and feeling the thigh of one of them +just above her knee. I was kneeling on the floor at the time, and had a +trumpet, which she took angrily out of my hand soon afterwards, because +I made a noise. + +I recollect the dance, that I danced with a tall lady, that my mother +contrary to custom as it seems to me, put me to bed herself, and that it +was before the dance was over, for I felt angry and tearful at being put +to bed so early. My mother closed the curtains quite tightly all round +a small four post bed, and told me, I was to lie quietly, and not get up +till she came to me in the morning; not to speak, nor undo my curtains, +nor to get out of bed, or I should disturb Mr. and Mrs. ------ who were +to sleep in the big bed; that it would make them angry if I did. I am +almost certain she named a lady and her husband, who were going to stay +with us; but can't be sure. A man then frightened me more than a woman, +my mother I dare say knew that. + +I dare say, for it was the same the greater part of my life, that I went +to sleep directly I laid down, usually never awaking till the morning. +Certainly I must have gone fast asleep that night; perhaps I had had +a little wine given me, who knows; I have a sudden consciousness of a +light, and hear some one say, he is fast asleep, don't make a noise; +it seemed like my mother's voice. I rouse myself and listen, the +circumstances are strange, the room strange, it excites me, and I rise +on my knees, I don't know whether naturally, or cautiously, or +how; perhaps cautiously, because I fear angering my mother, and the +gentleman, perhaps a sexual instinct makes me curious, though that +is not probable. I have not in fact the slightest conception of the +actuating motive, but I sat up and listened. There were two females +talking, laughing quietly, and moving about, I heard a rattling in the +pot, then a rest, then again a rattle and knew the sound of piddling. +How long I listened, I don't know, I might have dozed and awakened +again, I saw lights moved about; then I crawled on my knees, with fear +that I was doing wrong, and pushed a little aside the curtains where +they met at the bottom of the bed. I recollect their being quite tight +by the tucking in and that I could not easily make an opening to peep +through. + +There was a girl, or young woman with her back to me, brushing her hair, +another was standing by her, one took a night gown off the chair, shook +it out, and dropped it over her head, after drawing off her chemise. As +this was done I saw some black at the bottom of her belly, a fear came +over me, that I was doing wrong and should be punished if found looking, +and I laid down wondering at it all, I fancy I again slept. + +Then there was a shuffling about, and again it seems as if I heard a +noise like piddling, the light was put out, I felt agitated, I heard the +women kiss, one say hish! you will wake that brat, then one said listen, +then I heard kisses and breathing like some one sighing, I thought some +one must be ill and felt alarmed and must then have fallen asleep. I do +not know who the women were, they must have been my cousins, or young +ladies who had come to the dance. That was the first time I recollect +seeing the hair of a cunt, though I must have seen it before, for I +recollect at times a female (most likely a nursemaid) stand naked, but +don't recollect noticing anything black between her thighs, nor did I +think about it at all afterwards. + +In the morning my mother came and took me up to her room, where she +dressed me, as she left the room, she said to the females in bed, they +were not to hurry up, she had only fetched Wattie. + +But all this only came vividly to my mind when, a few years after, I +began to talk about women with my cousin, and we told each other all we +had seen, and heard, about females. + +Until I was about twelve years old I never went to school, there was +a governess in the house who instructed me, and the other children, my +father was nearly always at home. I was carefully kept from the grooms +and other men servants; once I recollect getting to the stable yard and +seeing a stallion mount a mare, his prick go right out of sight in what +appeared to me to be the mares bottom, of father appearing and calling +out "What does that boy do there," and my being hustled away. I had +scarcely a boy acquaintance excepting among my cousins, and therefore +did not learn as much about sexual matters, as boys early do at schools. +I did not know what the stallion was doing. I could have had no notion +of it then, nor did I think about it. + +The next thing I clearly recollected, was one of my male cousins +stopping with us, we walked out and when piddling together against +a hedge, his saying: "show me your cock, Walter, and I will show you +mine." We stood and examined each others cocks, and for the first time, +I became conscious, that I could not get my foreskin easily back, like +other boys. I pulled his backwards and forwards. He hurt me, laughed +and sneered at me, another boy came and I think another, we all compared +cocks, and mine was the only one which would not unskin, they jeered me, +I burst into tears, and went away, thinking there was something wrong +with me, and was ashamed to show my cock again, then I set to work +earnestly to try to pull the foreskin back, but always desisted fearing +the pain, for I was very sensitive. + +My cousin then told me that girls had no cock, but only a hole they +piddled out of, we were always talking about them, but I don't recollect +the word cunt, nor that I attached any lewd idea to a girl's piddling +hole, or to their cocks being flat, an expression heard I think at the +same period. It remained only in my mind that my cock and the girl's +hole were to piddle out of, and nothing more, I cannot be certain about +my age at this time. + +Afterwards I went to that uncle's house often, my cousin Fred was to be +put to school, and we talked a great deal more about girls' cocks which +began to interest me much. He had never seen one he said, but he knew +that they had two holes, one for bogging and the other to piddle from. +They sit down to piddle said he, they don't piddle against a wall as we +do, but that I must have known already, afterwards I felt very curious +about the matter. + +One day, one of his sisters left the room where we were sitting, she +is going to piddle, he said to me. We sneaked into a bed room of one of +them one day, and gravely looked into the pot to see what piddle was in +it. Whether we expected to find anything different from what there was +in our own chamber pot, I do not know. When talking about these things +my cousin would twiddle his cock. We wondered how the piddle came out, +if they wetted their legs and if the hole was near the bum hole, or +where; one day Fred and I pissed against each others cocks, and thought +it excellent fun. + +I recollect being very curious indeed about the way girls piddled after +this, and seeing them piddle became a taste I have kept all my life. I +would listen at the bed room doors, if I could get near them unobserved, +when my mother, sister, the governess, or a servant went in, hoping to +hear the rattle and often succeeded: it was accompanied by no sexual +desire, or idea, as far as I can recollect; I had no cockstand, and am +sure, that I then did not know that the women had a hole called a cunt, +and used it for fucking. I can recall no idea of the sort, it was simple +curiosity to know something about those, whom I instinctively felt +were made differently from myself. What sort of a hole could it be I +wondered. Was it large? Was it round? Why did they squat instead of +stand up, like men, my curiosity became intense. + +How long after this the following took place, I can't say, but my cock +was bigger. I have that impression very distinctly. + +One day, there were people in one of the sitting rooms, where my mother +and father were I don't know; they were not in the room, and were most +likely out. There were one or two of my cousins, some youths, my big +sister and one brother, besides others, our governess, and her sister, +who was stopping with us, and sleeping in the same room with her. I +recollect both going into the bed room together, it was next to mine. +It was evening, we had sweet wine, cake, and snap-dragon, and played +at something, at which all sat in a circle on the floor. I was very +ticklish, it nearly sent me into fits, we tickled each other on the +floor. There was much fun, and noise, the governess tickled me, and I +tickled her. She said as I was taken to bed, or rather went, as I then +did by myself, "I'll go and tickle you." Now at that time when in bed, a +servant, or my mother, or the governess took away the light, and closed +the door; for I was still frightened to get into bed in the dark, and +used to call out, "Mamma, I'm going to get into bed." Then they fetched +the light, they wished to stop this timidity, often scolded me about it, +and made me undress myself, by myself, to cure me of it. + +I expect the other children had been put to bed. My mother keeping all +the younger ones in the room near her. The nursery was also upstairs, my +room, as said, was next to the governess. + +When in bed, I called out for some one to put out the light, up came the +governess and her sister. She began to tickle me, so did her sister, +I laughed, screeched, and tried to tickle them. One of them closed the +door and then came back to tickle me. I kicked all the clothes off, and +was nearly naked, I begged them to desist, felt their hands on my naked +flesh, and am quite sure, that one of them touched my prick more than +once, though it might have been done accidentally. At last I wriggled +off the bed, my night-gown up to my armpits, and dropped with my naked +bum on to the floor, whilst they tickled me still, and laughed at my +wriggling about, and yelling. + +Then what induced me, heaven alone knows; it may have been what I had +heard about the piddling-hole of a woman, or curiosity, or instinct, I +don't know; but I caught hold of the governess' leg as she was trying to +get me up on to the bed again, saying, "that will do, my dear boy, get +into bed, and let me take away the light." I would not; the other lady +helped to lift me, I pushed my hands up the petticoats of the governess, +felt the hair of her cunt, and that there was something warm, and moist, +between her thighs. She let me drop on to the floor, and jumped away +from me. I must have been clinging to her thigh, with both hands up her +petticoats, and one between her thighs, she cried out loudly--oh! + +Then slap-slap-slap, in quick succession, came her hand against my head, +"You...rude...bad...boy," said she slapping me at each word, "I've a +good mind to tell your mamma, get into bed this instant," and into bed +I got without a word. She blew out the light, and left the room with her +sister, leaving me in a dreadful funk. I scarcely knew that I had done +wrong, yet had some vague notion, that feeling about her thighs was +punishable; the soft hairy place my hand had touched, impressed me with +wonder, I kept thinking there was no cock there, and felt a sort of +delight at what I had done. + +I heard them then talking, and laughing loudly, thru the partition. +"They are talking about me, oh if they tell mamma, oh! what did I do it +for?" Trembling with fear, I jumped out of bed, opened my door, and +went to theirs listening; theirs was ajar,--heard: "right up between my +thighs, felt it! he must have felt it; ah! ah! ah! would you ever +have thought the little beast would have done such a thing." They both +laughed heartily. "Did you see his little thing?" said one. "Shut the +door, it's not shut;"--breathless I got back to my room, and into bed, +and laying there, heard them through the partition roaring with laughter +again. + +That is the first time in my life, I recollect passing an all but +sleepless night. The dread of being told about, and dread at what I +had done, kept me awake. I heard the two women talking for a long time. +Mixed with my dread was a wonder at the hair, and the soft, moist feel, +I had had for an instant, on some part of my hand. I knew I had felt the +hidden part of a female, where the piddle came from, and that is all +I did think about it, that I know of, I have no recollection of a lewd +sensation, but of a curious sort of delight only. + +It must have been from this time, that my curiosity about the female +form strengthened, but there was nothing sensual in it. I was fond of +kissing, for my mother remarked it; when a female cousin, or any female +kissed me, I would throw my arms round them, and keep on kissing. My +aunts used to laugh, my mother corrected me, and told me it was rude. I +used to say to the servants, kiss me. One day I heard my godfather say: +"Walter knows a pretty girl from an ugly one doesn't he?" + +I had a dread of meeting the governess, at breakfast, watched her, and +saw her laugh at her sister, I watched my mother for some days after, +and at length said to the governess, who had punished me for something. +"Don't tell mamma." "I have nothing to tell about, Walter," she +replied, "and don't know what you mean." I began to tell her what was on +my mind. "What's the child talking about, you are dreaming, some stupid +boy has been putting things into your head, your papa will thrash +you, if you talk like that." "Why you came and tickled me," said I. "I +tickled you a little when I put your light out," said she, "be quiet." +I felt stupified, and suppose the affair must have passed away from +my mind for a time, but I told my cousin Fred about it afterwards. He +thought I must have been dreaming, and I began to wonder if it really +had occurred, I never thought much about it until I began to recall my +childhood for this history. + +I must have been twelve years old, when I went to an uncle's in Surrey, +and became a close friend of my cousin Fred, a very devil from his +cradle, and of whom much more will be told: before then I had only seen +him at intervals. We were then allowed, and it seems to me not before +that time, to go out by ourselves. We talked boyish baudiness. "Ain't +you green," said he, "a girl's hole isn't called a cock, it's a cunt, +they fuck with it," and then he told me all he knew. I don't think I had +heard that before, but can't be sure. + +From that time a new train of ideas came into my head. I had a vague +idea, though not a belief, that a cock and cunt, were not made for +pissing only. Fred treated me as a simpleton in these matters, and was +always calling me an ass; I have quite a painful recollection of my +inferiority to him, in such things, and of begging him to instruct me. +"They make children that way," said Fred. "You come up and we will ask +the old nurse, where children come from, and she'll say 'out of the +parsley-bed,' but it's all a lie." We went and asked her in a casual +sort of way. She replied, "the parsley-bed," and laughed. The nurse at +my house told me the same, when I asked afterwards about my mother's +last baby. "Ain't they liars?" Fred remarked to me, "it comes out of +their cunts, and it's made by fucking." + +We both desired to see women piddling, though both must have before seen +them at it often enough. Walking near the market-town with him just at +the outskirts, and looking up a side-road, we saw a pedler woman +squat down and piss. We stopped short and looked at her: she was a +short-petticoated, thick-legged, middle-aged woman; the piss ran off in +a copious stream, and there we stood grinning. "Be off, be off, what are +you standing grinning at, yer dam'd young fools," cried the woman, "be +off, or I'll heave a stone at yer," and she pissed on. We moved a few +steps back, but keeping our face towards her, Fred stooped, and put his +head down. "I can see it coming," said he jeeringly. He was rude from +his infancy, bold in baudiness to the utmost, had the impudence of the +devil. The stream ceased, the woman rose up swearing, took up a big +flint and threw it at us. "I'll tell on yer," she cried. "I know yer, +wait till I see yer again." She had a large basket of crockery for sale, +it was put down in the main-road at the angle; she had just turned round +into the side lane to piss. We ran off, and when well away, turned +round and shouted at her, "I saw your cunt," Fred bawled out;--she +flung another stone. Fred took up one, threw it, and it crashed into the +crockery, the woman began to chase us, off we bolted across the fields +home. She could not follow us that way; it was an eventful day for us. +I recollect feeling full of envy at Fred's having seen her cunt. +Though writing now, and having in my mind's eye, exactly how the woman +squatted, and the way her petticoats hung, I am sure he never did see +it; it was brag when he said he had, but we were always talking about +girls' cunts, the desire to see one was great, and I then believed that +he had seen the pedlar woman's. + +Then one of Fred's companions showed us a bawdy picture, it was +coloured. I wondered at the cunt being a long sort of gash, I had an +idea that it was round, like an arse-hole. Fred told his friend I was +an ass, but I could not get the idea of a cunt, not being a round hole +quite out of my head, until I had fucked a woman. We were all anxious +to get the picture, and tossed up for it, but neither I nor Fred got it, +some other boy did. + +Soon after that, Fred came to stop with us and our talk was always about +women's privates, our curiosity became intense. I had a little sister +about nine months old, who was in the nursery. Fred incited me to look +at her cunt, if I could manage it. The two nurses came down in turns, to +the servants dinner. I was often in the nursery, and soon after Fred's +suggestion, was there one day, when the oldest nurse said: "Stop here, +master Walter, while I go downstairs, for a couple of minutes, Mary (the +other nurse) will be up directly, and don't make a noise." My little +sister was lying on the bed asleep. "Yes, I'll wait." Down went nurse, +leaving the door open; quick as lightning, I threw up the infant's +clothes, saw her little slit, and put my finger quite gently on it, she +was laying on her back most conveniently. I pulled one leg away to see +better, the child awakened and began crying, I heard footsteps and had +barely time to pull down her clothes, when the under nursemaid came in. +I only had a momentary glimpse, of the outside of the little quim, for +I was not a minute in the room with the child by myself altogether, and +was fearful of being caught all the time I was looking. + +There must have been something in my face, for the nursemaid said: "What +it the matter, what have you been doing to the baby?" Nothing. "Yes, +you are coloring up, now tell me." "Nothing. I have done nothing." "You +wakened your sister." "No, I have not." The girl laid hold of me, and +gave me a little shake. "I'll tell your mamma if you don't tell me, what +is it now?" "No, I have done nothing, I was looking out of the window +when she began to cry." "You're telling a story, I see you are," said +the nursemaid; and off I went, after being impudent to her. + +I told Fred and he tried the same dodge, but don't recollect whether +he succeeded or not. His sisters were somewhat older, and we began to +scheme how to see their cunts, when I was on a visit to his mother's +(my aunt,) which was to come off in the holidays. The look of the little +child's cunt, as I described it, convinced him that the picture was +correct, and that a cunt was a long slit, and not a round hole. That +cast doubt on males putting their pricks into them, and we clung somehow +to the idea of a round hole, and we quarrelled about it. + +It must have been about this time, that I was walking with my father, +and read something that was written with chalk, on the walls. I asked +him what it meant. He said he did not know, that none but low people, +and blackguards wrote on walls; and it was not worth while noticing such +things. I was conscious that I had done wrong somehow, but did not know +exactly what. When I went out, which I was now allowed to do for short +distances by myself, I copied what was on the walls, to tell Fred, it +was foul, baudy language of some sort, but the only thing we understood +at all, was the word cunt. + +Just then, being out with some boys, we saw two dogs fucking. I have +no recollection of seeing dogs doing that before. We closed round them, +yelling with delight as they stuck rump to rump, then one boy said that +was what men and women did, and I asked, did they stick together so, a +boy replied that they did; others denied it, and all the remainder of +the day, some of us discussed this; the impression left on my mind is, +that it appeared to be very nasty; but it seemed at the same time to +confirm me in the belief, that men put their pricks up into women's +holes, about which I seemed at that time to have grave doubts. + +After this time my recollection of events is clearer, and I can tell not +only what took place, but better what I heard, said, and thought. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + My godfather.--At Hampton-Court.--My aunt's backside.-- + Public baths.--My cousins' cunts.--Haymaking frolics.-- + Family difficulties.--School amusements.--A masturbating + relative.--Romance and sentiment. + +My godfather (whose fortune I afterwards inherited) was very fond of me; +somewhere about this time he used perpetually to be saying, "When you +get to school, don't you follow any of the tricks yourself, that other +boys do, or you will die in a mad-house; lots of boys do." And he told +me some horrible tales; it was done in a mysterious way. I felt there +was a hidden meaning, and not having knowledge of what it was, asked +him. I should know fast enough, said he, but mark his words. He repeated +this so often, that it sunk deeply into my mind, and made me uneasy, +something was to happen to me, if I did something--I did not know +what--it was intended as a caution against frigging, and it had good +effect on me I am sure in various ways in the after time. + +One day talking with Fred, I recollected what I had done to the +governess. I had kept it to myself all along for fear. "What a lie," +said he. "I did really." "Oh! ain't you a liar," he reiterated, "I'll ask +Miss Granger." The same governess was with us then. + +At this remark of his, an absolute terror came over me, the dread was +something so terrible, that the recollection of it is now painful. "Oh +don't, pray don't, Fred," I said, "oh if Papa should hear!" He kept on +saying he would. I was too young to see the improbability of his doing +anything of the sort. "If you do, I'll tell him what we did when the +pedler woman piddled." He did not care. "Now, it's a lie, isn't it, you +did not feel her cunt?" In fear, I confessed it was a lie. "I know it +was," said Fred. He had kept me in a state of terror about the affair +for days, till I told a lie, to get quit of the subject. + +I was evidently always secret, even then, about anything amorous, +excepting with Fred (as will be seen) and have continued so all my +life. I rarely bragged, or told anyone of my doings; perhaps this little +affair with the governess, was a lesson to me, and confirmed me in a +habit natural to me from my infancy. I have kept to myself everything I +did with the opposite sex. + +We now frequently examined our pricks, and Fred jeered me so about my +prepuce being tight, that I resolved that no other boy should see +it; and though I did not keep strictly to that intention, it left a +deep-seated mortification on me. I used to look at my prick with a +sense of shame, and pull the prepuce up and down, as far as I could +constantly, to loosen it, and would treat other boys' cocks in the same +way, if they would let me, without expecting me to make a return; but +the time was approaching when I was to learn much more. + +One of my uncles, who lived in London, took a house in the country for +the summer near Hampton-Court Palace. Fred and I went to stay there +with them. There were several daughters and sons, the sons quite young. +People then came down from London in vans, carts, and carriages of all +sorts, to see the Palace and grounds (there was no railway), they were +principally of the small middle classes, and used to picnic, or else +dine at the taverns when they arrived; then full, and frisky, after +their early meal, go into the parks and gardens. They do so still, but +times were different then, so few people went there comparatively; fewer +park-keepers to look after them, and less of what is called delicacy, +amongst visitors of the class named. + +Our family party used to go into the grounds daily, and all day long +nearly, if we were not on the river banks. Fred winked at me one day, +"let's lose Bob," said he, "and we'll have such a lark." Bob was one +of our little cousins, generally given into our charge. We lost Bob +purposely. Said Fred, "if you dodge the gardiners, creep up there, and +lay on your belly quietly, some girls will be sure to come, and piss, +you'll see them pull their clothes up as they turn round, I saw some +before you came to stay with us." So we went pushing our way among +shrubs, and evergreens, till a gardiner, who had seen us, called out, +"You there, come back, if I catch you going off the walks, you'll be put +outside." We were in such a funk, Fred cut off one way, I another, but +it only stopped us for that day. Fred so excited me about the girls' +arses, as he called them, that we never lost an opportunity of trying +for a sight, but were generally baulked. Once or twice only we saw a +female squat down, but nothing more, till my mother and Fred's came to +stop with us. + +Fred's mother, mine, the girls, Fred and I went into the Park gardens, +one day after luncheon. A very hot day, for we kept in the shady walks, +one of which led to the place where women hid themselves to piss. My +aunt said, "Why don't you boys go and play, you don't mind the sun," so +off we went, but when about to leave the walk, turned round and saw +the women had turned back. Said Fred, "I'm sure they are going to +piss, that's why they want to get rid of us." We evaded the gardiners, +scrambled through shrubs, on our knees, and at last on our bellies up +a little bank, on the other side of which was the vacant place on which +dead leaves and sweepings were shot down. As we got there, pushing aside +the leaves, we saw the big backside of a woman, who was half standing, +half squatting, a stream of piss falling in front of her, and a big +hairy gash, as it seemed, under her arse; but only for a second, she +had just finished as we got the peep, let her clothes fall, tucked them +between her legs, and half turned round. We saw it was Fred's mother, my +aunt. Off aunt went. "Isn't it a wopper," said Fred, "lay still, more of +them will come." + +Two or three did, one said, "you watch if anyone is coming," squatted +and piddled, we could not see her cunt, but only part of her legs, and +the piddle splashing in front of her. Then came the second, she had her +arse towards us, sat so low, that we could not even see the tips of her +buttocks. Fred thought it a pity they did not stand half up like his +mother. On other occasions, we went to the same place, but though I +recollect seeing some females' legs, don't recollect seeing any more. +Nevertheless the sights were very delightful to us, and we used to +discuss his mother's "wopper" and the hair, and the look of the gash, +but I thought there must be some mistake, for it was not the idea I had +formed of a cunt. + +Fred soon after stopped with us in town, we had been forbidden to go +out together, without permission, but we did, and met a boy bigger than +either of us, who was going to bathe. "Come and see them bathing," he +said. My father had refused to take me to the public baths. Disregarding +this, Fred and I paid our six pence each, and in we went with our +friend; we did not bathe, but amused ourselves with seeing others, and +the pricks of the men. None, as far as I can recollect, wore drawers in +those days, they used to walk about hiding their prides generally, with +their hands, but not always. I was astonished at the size of some of +them, and at the dark hair about them, and on other parts of their +bodies. I wondered also at seeing one or two, with the red tip showing +fully, so different from mine. All this was much talked over by us +afterwards, it was to me an insight into the male make and form. Fred +told me, he had often seen men's pricks in their fields, and in those +days, living in the country as he did, I dare say it was true, but I +don't recollect ever having seen the pricks of full grown men, or a +naked man before in my life. + +It must have been in the summer of that same year, that I went after +this to spend some days at my aunt's at H...ds...e..., Fred's mother. +We slept in the some room, and sometimes got up quite at daybreak to +go fishing. One morning Fred had left something, in one of his sisters' +rooms and went to fetch it, though forbidden to go into the girls' +bedrooms. The room in question was opposite to ours. He was only partly +dressed, and came back in a second, his face grinning. "Oh! come Wat, +come softly, Lucy and Mary are quite naked, you can see their cunts, +Lucy has some black hair on hers." I was only half dressed, and much +excited by the idea of seeing my cousins' nudity. We both took off our +slippers, and crept along through the door half open, then went on our +knees! But why we did so, to this day I don't understand, and so crept +to the foot of the bed, then raising ourselves, we both looked over the +footboard. + +Lucy, fifteen years old, was laying half on her side, naked from her +knees to her waist, the bed-clothes kicked off (I suppose through heat), +were dragging across her feet and partly laying on the floor; we saw her +split, till lost in the closed thighs, she had a little dark short hair +over the top of her cunt, and that is all I can recollect about it. + +Mary-Ann by the side of her, a year younger only, laid on her back, +nacked up to her navel, just above which was her night-gown in a heap +and ruck; she had scarcely a sign of hair on her cunt, but a vermillion +line, lay right through her crack. Projecting more towards the top, +where her cunt began, she had what I now know was a strongly developed +clitoris; she was a lovely girl and had long chestnut hair. + +Whilst we looked she moved one leg up in a restless manner, and we +bobbed down, thinking she was awaking; when we looked again, her limbs +were more open, and we saw the cunt till it was pinched up, by the +closing of her buttocks. In fear of being caught, we soon crept out, +closed the door ajar, and regained our bedroom, so delighted that we +danced with joy, as we talked about the look of the two cunts; of which, +after all, we had only had a most partial, rapid glimpse. + +Lucy was a very plain girl, and was so as a woman. She had, I recollect, +a very red bloated looking face as she lay (it was so hot); she it was, +who in afterlife my mother cautioned about leaving her infant son to a +nursemaid. + +Mary-Ann was lovely. I used afterwards to look and talk with her, +thinking to myself: "Ah! you have but little idea, that I have seen your +cunt." She was unfortunate; married a cavalry officer, went to India +with him, was left at a station unavoidably by her husband, who was sent +on a campaign, for a whole year; could not bear being deprived of cock, +and was caught in the act of fucking with a drummer boy, a mere lad. +She was separated from him, came back to England, and drank herself to +death. She was a salacious young woman, I think from what I recollect +of her, and am told, was afterwards fucked by a lot of men; but it was a +sore point with the family, and all about her was kept quiet. + +One of Lucy's sons, in after years, I saw fucking a maid in a +summer-house: both standing up against a big table; I was on the roof. +Many years before that, I fucked a nurse-maid, she laying on that table, +in the very same summer-house, as I shall presently tell. + +Fred and I used to discuss the look of his sisters' and mother's +cunts, as if they had belonged to strangers. The redness of the line +in Mary-Ann's quim astonished us. I do not recollect having even then, +formed any definite notion of what a girl's cunt was, though we had seen +the splits, but had still, and till much further on, the notion that the +hole was round, and close to where the clitoris is, having no idea then +of what a clitoris was, though we had got an Aristotle and used to read +it greedily; the glimpse of the two cunts were but momentary, and our +excitement confused our recollections. + +Fred and I then formed a plot to look at another girl's cunt; who the +girl was, I don't know, it may have been another of Fred's sisters, or +a cousin by another of my aunts, but I think not; at all events she was +stopping in aunt's house, and from her height, which was less than that +of Fred and myself, I should think a girl of about eleven or twelve +years of age. I scrupulously avoid stating anything positively, unless +quite certain. Some years afterwards when we were very young men, we +did the same thing with a female cousin (but not his sister), as I shall +tell. + +There was haymaking. We romped with the girl, buried each other in hay, +pulled each other out, and so on. I was buried in the hay and dragged +out by my legs by Fred and the girl. Then Fred was: then we buried the +girl, and as Fred pulled her out he threw up her clothes, I lay over her +head, which was covered with hay. Fred saw, winked and nodded. It came +to my turn again to be buried, and then hers; I laid hold of her legs +and pulling them from under the hay, saw her thighs, I pushed her knees +up, and had a glimpse of the slit, which was quite hairless. My aunt +and others were in the very field, but had no idea of the game we were +playing, the girl romping with us, had no idea, that we were looking at +her cunt, and an instantaneous peep only it was. + +What effect sensuously, these glimpses of cunt, had on me, I don't know; +but have no recollection of sexual desire, nor of mine nor Fred's cock +being stiff. I expect that what with games, and our studies, that after +all the time we devoted to thinking about women, was not long, and +curiosity our sole motive in doing what we did. I clearly recollect our +talking at that time about fucking, and wondering if it were true or a +lie. We could repeat what we had read, and heard, but it still seemed +improbable to me that a cock should go up a cunt, and the result be a +child. + +Then a passionate liking for females came over me; I fell in sort of +love with a lady who must have been forty, and had a sad feeling about +her, that is all I recollect. Then I began to follow servants about, +on the hope of seeing their legs, or seeing them piddle, or for some +undefined object: but that I was always looking after them, I know very +well. + +Then (I know now) my father got into difficulties, we moved into a +smaller house, the governess went away, I was sent to another school, +one of my brothers and sisters died; my father went abroad to look after +some plantations, and after a year's absence came back and died, +leaving my mother, in what compared with our former condition, were poor +circumstances, but this in due course will be more fully told. + +I think I went to school, though not long before what I am going to tell +of happened, but am not certain, if so, I must have seen boys frigging; +yet as far as I can arrange in my mind the order of events, I first saw +a boy doing that, in my own bed-room at home. + +I was somewhere, I suppose, about thirteen years of age, when a distant +relative came from the country, to stay with us, until he was put to +some great school. He was the son of a clergyman, and must have been +fifteen, or perhaps sixteen years old, and was strongly pitted with the +small-pox. I had never seen him before, and took a strong dislike to +him; the family were poor, this boy was intended for a clergyman. I +was excessively annoyed, that he was to sleep with me, but in our small +house, there was just then no other place for him. + +How many nights he slept in my bed, I don't recollect, it can have been +but few; One evening in bed he felt my prick; repulsing him at first, I +nevertheless afterwards felt his, and recollect our hands crossing each +other and our thighs being close together. Awaking one morning, I felt +his belly up against my rump, and his feeling or pushing his prick +against my arse, putting my hand back, I pushed him away; then I found +it pushing quickly backwards and forwards between my thighs, and his +hand, passed over my hips, was grasping my cock. Turning round, I faced +him; he asked me to turn round again, and said I might do it to him +afterwards, but nothing more was done. An unpleasant feeling about +sleeping with him is in my memory, but as said, I disliked him. + +The next night undressing, he showed me his prick, stiff, as he sat +naked on a chair; it was an exceedingly long, but thin article; he told +me about frigging, and said he would frig me, if I would frig him. He +commenced moving his hand quickly up and down, on his prick, which got +stiffer and stiffer, he jerked up one leg, then the other, shut his eyes +and altogether looked so strange, that I thought he was going to have +a fit; then out spurted little pasty lumps, whilst he snorted, as some +people do in their sleep, and fell back in the chair with his eyes +closed; then I saw stuff running thinner over his knuckles. I was +strangely fascinated as I looked at him, and at what was on the carpet, +but half thought he was ill; he then told me it was great pleasure, and +was eloquent about it. Even now, as it did then, the evening seemed to +me a nasty unpleasant one, yet I let him get hold of my prick and frig +it, but had no sensation of pleasure, he said, "your skin won't come +off, what a funny prick;" that annoyed me, and I would not let him do +more; we talked till our candle burnt out; he stamped out the sperm on +the carpet, saying the servants would think we had been spitting. Then +we got into bed. + +Afterwards he frigged himself several times before me, and at his +request I frigged him, wondering at the result, and amused, yet at the +same time much disgusted. When frigging him one day; he said it was +lovely to do it in an arse-hole, that he and his brother took it in +turns that way: it was lovely, heavenly! would I let him do it to me. +In my innocence I told him, it was impossible and that I thought him a +liar. He soon left us and went to college. I saw him once or twice after +this, in later years, but at a very early age he drowned himself. I told +my cousin Fred about this when I saw him; Fred believed in the frigging, +but thought him a liar about the arse-hole business, just as I did. This +was the first time I ever saw frigging and male semen, and it opened my +eyes. + +Though now at a public school, I was shy, and reserved, but greedily +listened to all the lewed talk, of which I did not believe a great deal. +I became one of a group of boys of the same tastes as myself. One day +some of them coaxed me into a privy, and there, in spite of me, pulled +out my cock, threw me down, held me, and each one spat upon it, and +that initiated me into their society. They had what they called +cocks-all-round: anyone admitted to the set, was entitled to feel +the others' cocks. I felt theirs, but again to my mortification, the +tightness of my prepuce caused jeering at me; I was glad to hear that +there was another boy at the school in the same predicament, though I +never saw his. This confirmed me in avoiding my companions, when they +were playing at cocks-all-round; being a day scholar only, I was not +forced at all times into their intimacy, as I should have been had I +been a boarder. + +We had a very large playground; beyond it were fields, orchards and +walks of large extent reserved for the use of the two head-masters' +families, many of whom were girls. On Saturday half-holidays only, if +the fruit was not ripe, we were allowed to range certain fields, and the +long bough-covered paths, which surrounded them. Two or three boys of +my set told me mysteriously one afternoon, that when the others had gone +ahead, we were to meet in the play-ground privy, in which were seats for +three boys of a row, and I was to be initiated into a secret without my +asking. I was surprised at what took place, there was usually an usher +in the play-ground in play-hours, and if boys were too long at the +privy, he went there, and made them come out. On the Saturdays, he went +out with the boys into the fields: there was no door to the privy, I +should add, it was a largish building. + +One by one, from different directions, some dodging among trees which +bordered one side of the playground, appeared boys. I think there were +five or six together in the privy, then it was cocks-all-round, and +every boy frigged himself. I would not, at first. Why? I don't know. +At length incited, I tried, my cock would not stand, and vexed and +mortified, I withdrew, after swearing not to split on them, on pain of +being kicked and cut. I don't think I was one of the party again, though +I saw each of the same boys frig himself in the privy when alone with +me, at some time or another. + +After this a boy asked me to come to a privy with him in school time, +and he would show me how to do it. Only two boys were allowed to go +to those closets at the same time, during school time. There were two +wooden legs with keys hung up on the wall by string: a boy if he wanted +to ease himself looked to see if a log and key was hanging up, and +if there was, stood out in the centre of the room; by that the master +understood what he wanted. If he nodded, the boy took the key and went +to the bog-house (no water-closets then), and when he returned, he +hung up the log in its place. Those privies were close together, and +separate, there were but two of them. + +"You wait till there are two logs hanging up, and directly I get one, +you get up and come after me." Soon we were both in one privy together. +"Let's frig," said he; we were only allowed to be away five minutes. Out +he pulled his prick, then out I pulled mine; he tried to pull my skin +back, and could only half do it, he frigged himself successfully, but +I could not. He had a very small prick compared with mine. How I envied +him the ease with which he covered and uncovered the red tip. I frigged +that boy one day, but finding my cock was becoming a talk among our set, +I shrunk from going to their frigging parties, which I have seen even +take place in a field, boys sitting at the edge of a ditch, whilst one +stood up to watch if anyone approached. When they were frigging in the +privy, a boy always stood in the open door on the watch, and his time +for frigging came afterwards. + +With this set I began to look through the Bible, and study all the +carnal passages; no book ever gave us perhaps such prolonged, studious, +baudy amusement; we could not understand much, but guessed a good deal. + +Before I had seen anyone frig, I had been permitted to read novels, not +a moment of my time when not at studies was I without one. My father +used to select them for me at first, but soon left me to myself, and +now he was dead, I devoured what books I liked, hunting for the love +passages, thinking of the beauty of the women, reading over and over +again, the description of their charms, and envying their love meetings. +I used to stop at print-shop windows and gaze with delight at the +portraits of pretty women, and bought some at six pence each, and stuck +them into a scrap-book. Although a big fellow for my age, I would sit +on the lap of any woman who would let me, and kiss her. My mother in her +innocence called me a great girl, but she neverthless forbid it. I was +passionately fond of dancing and annoyed when they indicated a girl of +my own age, or younger, to dance with. + +These feelings got intensified, when I thought of my aunt's backside, +and the cunts of my cousins, but when I thought of the heroines, it +seemed strange that such beautiful creatures should have any. The cunt +which seemed to have affected my imagination, was that of my aunt, which +appeared more like a great parting, or division of her body, than a cunt +as I then understood it; as if her buttock parting was continued round +towards her belly, and as unlike the young cunts I had seen as possible. +Those seemed to be but little indents. That the delicate ladies of the +novels should have such divisions seemed curious, ugly, and unromantic. +My sensuous temperament was developing, I saw females in all their +poetry and beauty, but suppose that my physical forces had not kept pace +with my brain, for I have no recollection of a cock-stand, when thinking +about ladies; and fucking never entered into my mind, either when I +read novels, or kissed women, though the pleasure I had when my lips met +theirs, or touched their smooth, soft cheeks was great. I recollect the +delight it gave me perfectly. + +After having seen frigging, it set me reflecting, but it still seemed to +me impossible, that delicate, handsome ladies, should allow pricks to +be thrust up them, and nasty stuff ejected into them. I read Aristotle, +tried to understand it, and thought I did, with the help of much talk +with my schoolfellows; yet I only half believed it. Dogs fucking were +pointed out to me; then cocks treading hens, and at last a fuller belief +came. + +I began then, I recollect, to think of their cunts when I kissed women, +and then of my aunt's; I could not keep my eyes off of her, for thinking +of her large backside and the gap between her thighs; it was the +same with my cousins. Then I began to have cock-stands and suppose a +pleasurable feeling about the machine, though I do not recollect that. I +then found out that servants were fair game, and soon there was not one +in the house whom I had not kissed. I had a soft voice and have heard, +an insinuating way, was timorous, feared repulse, and above all being +found out; yet I succeeded. Some of the servants must have liked it, +who called me a foolish boy at first; for they would stop with me on a +landing, or in a room, when we were alone, and let me kiss them for a +minute together. There was one, I recollect, who rubbed her lips into +mine, till I felt them on my teeth, but of what she was like, I have no +recollection, and I did not like her doing that to me. + +My curiosity became stronger, I got bolder, told servants I meant to see +them wash themselves, and used to wait inside by bed-room, till I heard +one of them come up to dress. I knew the time each usually went to her +bedroom for that purpose, the person most in my way was the nurse: she +after a time left, and mother nursed her own children. "Let's see your +neck; do, there is a dear," I would say. "Nonsense, what next?" "Do, +dear, there is no harm; I only want to see as much as ladies show at +balls." I wheedled one to stand at the door in her petticoats and show +her neck across the bedroom lobby. The stays were high and queerly made +in those days, the chemises pulled over the top of them like flaps. One +or two let me kiss their necks, a girl one day said to my entreaties, +"Well, only for a minute," and easing up one breast, she showed me +the nipple, I threw my arms around her, buried my face in her neck and +kissed it. "I like the smell of your breast and flesh," said I. She was +a biggish woman, and I dare say I smelt breasts and armpits together; +but whatever the compound, it was delicious to me, it seemed to enervate +me. The same woman, when I kissed her on the sly afterwards, let me +put my nose down her neck to smell her. We were interrupted. "There is +someone coming," said she, moving away. + +"What makes ladies smell so nice?" said I to my mother one day. My +mother put down her work and laughed to herself. "I don't know that they +smell nice." + +"Yes, they do, and particularly when they have low dresses on." +"Ladies," said mother, "use patchouli and other perfumes." I supposed +so, but felt convinced from mother's manner, that I had asked a question +which embarrassed her. + +I used to lean over the backs of the chairs of ladies, get my face as +near to their necks as I could, quietly inhale their odours, and talk +all the time. Not every woman smelt nice to me, and when they did, it +was not patchouli, for I got patchouli, which I liked, and perfumed +myself with it. This delicate sense of smell of a woman I have had +throughout life, it was ravishing to me afterwards, when I embraced the +naked body of a fresh, healthy young woman. + +From about this time of my life, I recollect striking events much more +clearly, yet the circumstances which led up to them or succeeded them I +often cannot. One day, Miss Granger, our former governess, came to see +us. I kissed her. Mother said: "Wattie, you must not kiss ladies in that +way, you are too big." I sat Miss Granger on my lap in fun (my mother +then in the room), and romped with her. Mother left us in the room, and +then seating Miss Granger on my lap again, I pulled her closely to me. +"Kiss me, she's gone," I said. "Oh! what a boy," and she kissed me, +saying, "let me go now--your mamma is coming." It came into my mind that +I had had my hand up her clothes, and had felt hair between her legs. +My prick stiffening in thinking of a women. I clutched her hard, put +one hand on to her and did something I know not what. She said: "You are +rude, Wattie." Then I pinched her and said: "Oh! what a big bosom you +have." "Hish! hish!" said she. She was a tallish woman with brown hair; +I have heard my mother say she was about thirty years of age. + +A memorable episode then occured. There were two sisters, with other +female servants, in our house. My father was abroad at that time; I was +growing so rapidly, that every month they could see a difference in my +height, but was very weak. My godfather used to look at me, and severely +ask if I was up to tricks with the boys. I guessed then what he meant, +but always said I did not know what he meant. "Yes, you do; yes, you +do," he would say, staring hard at me, "you take care, or you'll die in +a mad-house, if you do, and I shall know by your face, not a farthing +more will I give you." He had been a surgeon-major in the Army, and gave +me much pocket-money. I could not bear his looking at me so; he would +ask me why I turned down my eyes. + +About this time, I had had a fever, had not been to school for a long +time, and used to lie on the sofa reading novels all day. Miss Granger +had come to stop with my mother. One day I put my hand up her clothes, +nearly to her knees; that offended her, and she left off kissing me. +One of my little sisters slept with her, in a room adjoining my mother's +room; I slept now on the servants floor, at the top of the house. Again +I recollect my cock standing when near Miss Granger, but recollect +nothing else. + +I was then ordered by my mother to cease speaking to the servants, +excepting when I wanted anything, though I am sure my mother never +suspected my kissing one. I obeyed her hypocritically, and was even at +times reprimanded for speaking to them, in too imperious a tone. She +told me to speak to servants respectfully. For all that I was after +them, my curiosity was unsatiable, I know the time each went up to +dress, or for other purposes, and if at home, would get into the lobby, +or near the staircase, to see their legs, as they went upstairs. I would +listen at their door, trying to hear them piss, and began for the first +time to peep through keyholes at them. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + A big servant.--Two sisters.--Armpits.--A quiet feel.-- + Baudy reveries.--Felt by a woman.--Erections.--My prepuce.-- + Seeing and feeling.--Aunt and cousin.--A servant's thighs.-- + Not man enough. + +A big servant, of whom I shall say much, had most of my attention; +she went to her room usually when my mother was taking a nap in the +afternoon; or when out with my sisters and brother. When I was ill in +bed, this big woman usually brought me beef-tea, I used to make her kiss +me, and felt so fond of her, would throw my arms around her, and hold +her to me, keeping my lips to hers, and saying how I should like to see +her breasts; to all which she replied in the softest voice, as if I were +a baby. I wonder now if my homage gave the big woman pleasure, or +my amatory pressures made her ever feel randy. She was engaged to be +married, but I only heard that at a later day, when my mother talked +about her; her sister was also with us, as already said. + +The sister was handsome, according to my notions then (I now begin to +remember faces clearly); both had bright, clear complexions. I kissed +both, each used to say, "Don't tell my sister," and ask, "Have you +kissed my sister?" I was naturally cunning about women, and my mother +said, she must get rid of them. + +The youngest was often dancing my little sister round in the room, then +swinging herself round, and making cheeses with her petticoats. As I got +better, I would lay on the rug with a pillow, and my back to the light +reading, and say it rested me better, to be on the floor, but in hope of +seeing her legs as she made cheeses. I often did, and have no doubt now +that she meant me to do so, for she would swing round, quite close to my +head, so that I could see to her knees, and make her petticoat's edge +as she squatted, just over my head, immediately snatching her petticoats +back and saying: "Oh! you'll see more than is good for you." + +It used to excite me. One day as she did it, and squatted, I put out +my hand and pulled her clothes, she rolled on to her back, threw up +her legs quite high, and for a second I saw her thighs; she recovered +herself, laughing. "I saw your thighs," said I. "That you didn't." One +day she let me put my hand into her bosom; I sniffed. "What's there to +smell?" said she. I have some idea that she used to watch me closely, +when I was with her sister, as she was always looking after her, and +before she kissed me, would open the door suddenly or go out of the +room, and then return. I've seen the other sister just outside the door +of the room, when suddenly opened. + +The big sister must have been five feet nine high, and large in +proportion; the impression on my mind, is that she was two and twenty: +that age dwells in my recollection, and that my mother remarked it. She +had brown hair and eyes, I recollect well the features of the woman. +Her lower lip was like a cherry, having a distinct cut down the middle, +caused she said by the bite of a parrot, which nearly severed her lip +when a girl. This feature I recollect more clearly than anything else. +My mother remarked that though so big, she was lighter in tread, than +anyone in the house, her voice was so soft, it was like a whisper or a +flute; her name was I think Betsy. + +I had none of the dash, and determination towards females, which I had +in after life; was hesitating, fearful of being repulsed, or found +out, but was coaxing and wheedling. Betsy used to take charge of my two +little sisters (there was no regular nursery then), and used to sit with +them in a room adjoining our dining room; it had a settee, and a large +sofa in it, we usually breakfasted there. She waited also at table, and +did miscellaneous work. I am pretty certain that we had then no man in +the house. I used to lie down on the sofa in this room. One day I talked +with her about her lip, put my head up and said: "Do let me kiss it." +She put her lips to mine, and soon after if I was not kissing her +sister, I was kissing her regularly, when my mother was out of the way. + +One day when she went up to her bed-room, I went softly after her, as +I often did, hoping to hear her piddling. Her door was ajar, one of +my little sisters was in the room with her, I expect I must have had +incipient randiness on me. She taught the child to walk up stairs in +front of her, holding her up, and in stooping to do so, I had glimpses +of her fat calves. At the door, I could not see her wash, that was done +at the other side of the room, but I heard the splash of water, and to +my delight, the pot moved, and her piddle rattle. The looking-glass was +near the window. Then she moved to the glass, and brushed her hair, her +gown off, and now I saw her legs, and most of her breast, which looked +to me enormous. + +Then I noticed hair in her armpits; it must have been the first time I +noticed any thing of the sort, for I told a boy afterwards, that grown +women had hair under their armpits; he said every fool knew that. When +she had done brushing, she turned round, and passing the door, shut it: +she had not seen me. + +I fell in love with this woman, an undefined want took possession of me, +I was always kissing her, and she returned it without hesitation. "Hush! +your mamma's coming"; then she would work, or do something with the +children if there, as demurely as possible. I declare positively as I +write this, that I believe I gave that woman a lewed pleasure in kissing +me, her kisses were so much like those I have had from women, I have +fucked in after years, so long, and soft, and squeezing. + +One day, I was in the sitting-room laying on the sofa reading, she +sitting and working; where the children were, where my mother was, I +can't say: they must have been out, why this servant was in the room +with me alone, I don't know. On a table was something the doctor had +ordered me to sip, from time to time. "Come and sit near me, I like to +touch you, dear" (I used to say dear to her). She drew her chair to the +sofa, so that her thighs were near my head, she handed me my medicine, +I turned on one side, put my head on her lap, and then my hand on her +knee. "Kiss me." "I can't." I moved my head up and she bent forward and +kissed. "Keep your face to mine, I want to tell you something." Then +I told her I had seen her brushing her hair, her breasts, her armpits. +"Oh! you sly boy! you naughty boy! you must not do it again, will you?" +"Won't I, if I get the chance; put your head down, I've something more +to tell you." "What?" "I can't if you look at me; put your ear to my +mouth." + +I was longing to tell her, and could not do it whilst she looked at me. +I recollect my bashfulness perfectly, and more than that, my fear of +saying what I wanted to say. + +She bent her ear to my mouth. "I heard you piddle." "Oh! you naughty!" +and she burst into a quiet laugh. "I'll take care to shut the door in +future." I let my hand drop by the side of the sofa, laid hold of her +ankle, then the calve of her leg (without resistance); then up I slid +it gently, and gradually above her garter, and felt the flesh; she was +threading a needle. As I touched the thigh, she pressed both hands down +on to her thighs, barring further investigation. "Now, Wattie, you're +taking too much liberty, because I've let you feel my ankles." I whined, +I moaned. "Oh do dear, do, kiss me dear; only for a minute." I tried +very gently to push my hand (it was my left hand) further. "What do you +want?" "I want to feel it, oh! kiss me--let me,--do,--Betsy, do," and I +raised my head. + +Sitting bent forward towards me as I lay, until she was nearly double, +she put her lips to mine and kissing me said: "What a rude, boy you are, +what do you expect to find?" "I know what it's called, and it's hairy, +isn't it, dear?" Her hands relaxed, she laughed, my left hand slid up, +until I felt the bottom of her belly. I could only twiddle my fingers +in the hair, could feel no split, or hole, was too excited to think, too +ignorant of the nature of the female article; but oh the intense delight +I felt at the touch of the warm thighs, and the hair, which now I knew +was outside the cunt, somewhere, I recollect my delight perfectly. + +She kept on kissing me, saying in a whisper, "what a rude boy you are." +Then I whispered modestly, all I had read, told of the Aristotle I had +hidden in my cupboard, and she asked me to lend her the book. I touched +nothing but hair, her thighs must have been quite closed, and a big +stay-bone dug into my hand and hurt it, as I moved it about. I have felt +that obstacle to my enterprise in years later on, with other women. + +Then came over me a voluptuous sensation, as if I was fainting with +pleasure, I seem to have a dream of her lips meeting mine, of her saying +oh! for shame I of the tips of my fingers entangling in hair, of the +warmth of the flesh of her thighs upon my hand, of a sense of moisture +on it, but I recollect nothing more distinctly. + +Afterwards she seems to have absorbed me. I ceased speaking to her +sister, and could think of nothing but her neck, legs and the hair at +the bottom of her belly. I was several times in the same room with +her, and was permitted the same liberties, but no others. I lent +her Aristotle, which I had borrowed, and one day recollect my prick +stiffening, and a strange overwhelming, utterly indescribable feeling +coming over me, of my desire to say to her "cunt," and to make her feel +me, and at the same time a fear and a dread overtook me, that my cock +was not like other cocks, and that she might laugh at me. After that, I +used to pull the skin down violently every day, I bled, but succeeded; +it became slightly easier to do so, yet I have no recollection of having +a desire to fuck that woman, all that I recollect of my sensations I +have here described. + +I was still ill, for there was brought me to my bed at nights, a cup of +arrowroot. My mother usually did this, but sometimes the big woman did, +I was so glad, when my mother did not. Then I would kiss her as if I +never wanted to part with her, put my hand out of bed, scramble it up +her clothes, till I could feel the hair. Then she would jut her bum +back, so that I could not touch more. One night my prick stood, "Take +the light outside," I said, "I've something to say to you." The door was +half open when she had complied; the gleam of the light struck across +the room, my bed was in the shade, "do let me feel you further, dear +and kiss me." "You naughty boy!" but we kissed. Again I felt her thighs, +belly and hair. "What good does it do you, doing that," she said. I took +hold of her hand, and put it under the bed-clothes on to my prick. She +bent over me, kissing and saying "naughty boy," but feeling the cock, +and all round it, how long, I can't say, "oh! I'd like to feel your +hole," I said. "Hish!" said she, going out of the room, and closing the +door. + +She felt me several times afterwards. When my mother brought me the +arrowroot, she having an idea, that I liked her to do so, I would not +take it, saying it was too hot. She said, "I can't wait, Wattie, while +it cools." "Don't care, mamma, I don't want it." "But you must take it." +"Put it down then." "Well, don't go to sleep, and I'll send Betsy +up with it in a few minutes." Up Betsy would come, and quickly and +voluptuously kissing, keeping her lips on mine for two or three minutes +at a time, she would glide her hand down and feel my cock, whilst my +fingers were on her motte, her thighs closed, then she would glide out +of the room. I never got my hand between her thighs, I am sure. + +I used to long to talk to her about all I had heard, but don't think I +ever did more than I have told, for I had a fear about using baudy words +to a woman, though I already used them freely enough among boys. + +I used to talk only of her hole, my thing, of doing it, and so forth; +but what made her laugh was my calling it pudendum, a word I had got out +of Aristotle and my latin dictionary. In spite of all this, and of the +voluptuous sensations, which used to creep over me, I have no clear, +defined, recollection of wishing to fuck her, nor did I ever say +anything smutty, if I could see her face. + +I got better. Then she refused either to feel me, or let me feel her, +on account of my boldness. One day, just at dusk, she was closing the +dining-room shutters, I went behind her, and after pulling her head back +to kiss me, stooped and pulled up her clothes to her waist; it exposed +her entire backside. Oh how white and huge it seemed to me. She moved +quickly round not hollowing out, but saying quietly: "What are you +doing? don't, now!" As she turned round, so did I, gloating over her +bum, then laid both hands on it, slid them round her thighs, and rapidly +kneeling down, put my lips on to the flesh, her petticoats fell over my +head. She dislodged me, saying she would never speak with me again. She +never either felt me, or permitted me, any liberties afterwards, and +soon left. One or two years after that, she came to see my mother with +her baby. She smiled at me. I don't recollect what became of her sister, +but think she soon left us also. + +My physique could not then have been strong, nor my sexual organs in +finished condition, because I am sure that up to that time, I had +not had a spend; perhaps my growing fast and the fever, may have had +something to do with it. My father came home broken hearted I have +heard, and ill. Soon after we only kept two female servants, a man +outside the house, and a gardener. Father was ordered to the sea-side, +my mother went with him, taking the children and one servant (all went +by coach then). One of father's sisters, my aunt, a widow, came to take +charge of our new house, and brought her daughter, a fair, slim girl, +about 16 years old. + +I remained at home, so as to go to school; the servant left in the house +was a pleasant, plump young woman, dark haired, and was always laughing; +she was to do all the work. My godfather who lived a mile or two away +from us, and whose maiden sister kept house for him, was to see me +frequently, and did so till I was sick of him. Every half-holiday, +he made me spend with him in walking, and riding; he insisted on my +boating, cricketting and keeping at athletic games, when not at my +studies. The old doctor I expect guessed my temperament, and thought by +thoroughly occupying, and fatiguing me, to prevent erotic thoughts. He +wanted me to stay at his house, but I refused, and it being a longer way +from my school, it was not persisted in. + +My aunt slept in my parents bed-room, my cousin in the next room. I was +taken down, during my parents' absence, from the upper floor, to sleep +on the same floor as my aunt. They had not been in the house a week +before I had heard my cousin piddle, and stood listening outside her +bed-room door, night after night, in my bed-gown, trying to get a +glimpse of her charms through the key-hole, but was not successful. + +I made up to the servant, beginning when she was kneeling, by putting +myself on her back. It made her laugh, she gave her back a buck up, and +threw me over; then I kissed her, and she kissed me. She and my aunt +quarrelled, my aunt was very poor and proud, and wanted a hot dinner at +seven o'clock, I my dinner in the middle of the day. The servant said +she could not do it all. The girl said quietly to me, "I'll cook for you, +don't you go without, let her do without anything hot at night." She did +not like her. My aunt said she was saucy and would write to my mother +and complain that she wasted her time with the gardener. Godfather then +renewed his offer for me to stay with him, but I would not, for I was +getting on very comfortably with the servant in kissing, and things +settled themselves somehow. I learnt the ways of my aunt, and tried to +get home when she was out, so as to be alone with the servant; but +to escape both aunt and godfather was difficult. I did so at times by +saying I was going out with the boys somewhere, on my half-holidays, or +something of the sort, but was rarely successful. + +The servant went to her bed-room, one afternoon; with palpitating +heart I followed her, and pushed her on to the bed. She was a cheeky, +chaffing, woman, and I guess knew better than I did, what I was about. I +recollect her falling back on to the bed, and showing to her knees. "Oh +I what legs!" said I, "Nothing to be ashamed of," said she. Whatever my +wishes or intentions might have been, I went no further. My relations +were of course cut. + +Another day we romped, and pelted each other with the pillows from her +bed, she stood on the landing, I half way down the stairs, and kept when +I could, my head just level with the top of the landing on which she +was, so that as she whisked backwards and forwards, picking up the +pillows to heave at me, I saw up to her knees. She knew what she was +about, though I thought myself very cunning to manage to get such +glimpses. On the landing I grappled with her for a pillow, and we rolled +on the floor. I got my hand up her clothes, to her thighs, and felt the +hair. "That's your thing," said I with a burst of courage. "Oh! oh!" she +laughed, "what did you say?" "Your thing!" "My thing! what's that?" "The +hole at the bottom of your belly," said I, ashamed at what I uttered. +"What do you mean? who told you that? I've no hole." It is strange but +a fact, that I had no courage to say any more, but left off playing, and +went down stairs. + +On occasions afterwards, I played more roughly with her, and felt her +thighs; but fear prevented me from going further up. She gave me lots of +opportunities, which my timidity, prevented me from availing myself of. +One day she said: "you are not game for much, although you are so big," +and then kissed me long and furiously, but I never saw her wants, nor my +chances that I know of, though I see now plainly enough, that boy as I +was, she wanted me to mount her. + +About that time,--how I got it, I know not,--I had a book describing the +diseases caused by sacrificing to Venus. The illustrations in the book, +of faces covered with scabs, blotches, and eruptions, took such hold +of my mind, that for twenty years afterwards, the fear was not quite +eradicated. I showed them to some friends, and we all got scared. I had +no definite idea of what syphilis, and gonorrhea were, but that both +were something awful, we all made up our minds. My godfather also used +to hint now to me about ailments men got, by acquaintance with loose, +bad, women; perhaps he put the book in my way. Frigging also was treated +of, and the terrible accounts of people dying through it, and being +put into straight waistcoats, etc., I have no doubt was useful to me. +Several of us boys were days in finding out what the book meant, by +masturbation, ononism, or whatever, the language may have been. We used +dictionaries and other books to help us, and at last one of the biggest +boys explained the meaning to us. + +One evening my aunt being out (it was not I think any plan on my part), +I had something to eat, and then went into the kitchen, where the +servant was sitting at needle-work by candle-light. I talked, kissed, +coaxed her, began to pull up her clothes, and it ended in her running +round the kitchen, and my chasing her; both laughing, stopping at +intervals, to hear if my aunt knocked. "I'll go and lock the outer +gate," said she, "then your aunt must ring, if she comes up to the door, +she will hear us, for you make such a noise." She locked it and came +back again. + +The kitchen was on the ground-floor, separated from the body of the +house by a short passage. I got her on to my knees, I was now a big +fellow, and though but a boy, my voice was changing, she chaffed me +about that; then my hand went up her petticoats, and she gave me such a +violent pinch on my cock (outside the clothes), that I yelled. Whenever +I was getting the better of her in our amatory struggles, she said "oh! +hush! there is your aunt knocking," and frightened me away, but at last +she was sitting on my knees, my hand touching her thighs, she feeling +my prick, she felt all round it and under. "You have no hair," she said. +That annoyed me, for I had just a little growing. Then how it came about +I don't recollect, but she consented to go into the parlor with me, +after we had sat together feeling each other for a time, if mine could +be called feeling, when my lingers only touched the top of the notch. +I took up the candle. "I won't go if you bring a light," said she, so I +put down the candle, and holding her by the arm, we walked through the +passage across the little hall, to the front parlour; she closed the +door, and we were in the dark. And now I only recollect generally what +took place, it seems as if it all could but have occupied a minute, or +two, though experience tells me it must have been longer. + +We sat on a settee or sofa, she had hold of my prick, and I her cunt, +for she now sat with thighs quite wide open. It was my first real feel +of a woman, and she meant me to feel well. How large and hairy, and wet +it seemed; its size overwhelmed me with astonishment, I did not find the +hole, don't recollect feeling for that, am sure I never put my finger in +it, all seemed cunt below her belly, wet, and warm, and slippery. "Make +haste, your aunt will be in soon," said she softly, but I was engrossed +with the cunt, in twiddling it and feeling it in delighted wonder at +its size, and other qualities. "Your aunt will be in," and leaving off +feeling my cock, she laid half on, half off the settee. "No, no, not +so," I recollect the words, but what I was doing, know not; then I +was standing by her side, my cock stiff, and still feeling her cunt in +bewilderment. "I can't... stop..., get on to the sofa." I laid half over +her, my prick touched something--her cunt of course. Whether it went in +or not, God knows, I pushed, it felt smooth to my prick, then suddenly +came over me, a fear of some horrible disease, and I ceased whatever I +was doing. "Go on, go on," said she, moving her belly up. I could not, +said nothing, but sat down by her side, she rose up, "You're not man +enough," said she, laying hold of my prick. It was not stiff, I put my +hand down, and again the great size--as it seemed to me--of her cunt, +made me wonder. + +What then she did with me, I know not, she may have frigged it, I think +she did, but can't say, a sense of disgrace had come over me, as she +said I was not man enough, disgrace mixed with fear of disease. "Let +me try," said I; again she laid back, I have a faint recollection of my +finger going in somewhere deep, again of my prick touching her thighs +and rubbing in something smooth, but nothing more. "You're not man +enough" said she again. A ring... "Hark! it's your aunt, go!" and it +was. + +I went into the adjoining room, where my books were and a lamp, she went +to the street-door. My aunt and cousin came in, and went up to their +bed-rooms, I sat smelling my fingers; the full smell of cunt that I +had for the first time. I smelt and smelt almost out of my senses, sat +pouring over a book, seeming to read, but with my fingers to my nose and +thinking of cunt, its wonderful size and smell. Aunt came down. "Have +you got a cold, Wattie?" "No, aunt." "Your eyes look quite inflamed, +child." Soon after again, she said: "You have a cold." "No, aunt." "Why +are you sniffing so, and holding your hand to your mouth?" Suddenly +the fear of the pox came over me, I went up to the bedroom, soaped and +washed my prick, and had a terrible fear on me. + +I was overwhelmed with a mixed feeling of pride, at having had my prick +either touch or go up a cunt, fear that I had caught disease, and shame +at not being man enough. Instinct told me, I had lost, in the eyes of +the woman; and my pride was hurt in a woeful manner. I tried to avoid +seeing her, instead of as before getting excitedly into a room, where +she was likely to be alone for a minute. I did that for three days, then +fear of disease vanished, and my hopes of feeling her cunt again, or of +poking--I don't know which--impelled me towards her. + +During those three days, I washed my prick at every possible +opportunity, and thought of nothing else but the incident; all seemed to +me hurry, confusion, impossible, I wondered, and wonder still, whether +my prick went into her or not; but above all, the largeness of the cunt +filled me with wonder; for though I had had rapid glimpses of cunts as +told, and had now seen a few pictures of the long slit, I never could +realise that that was only the outside of the cunt, until I had had a +woman. My fingers had no doubt slipped over the surface of hers, +from clitoris to arse-hole; the space my hand covered filled me with +astonishment, as well as the smell it left on my fingers, I thought of +that more than anything else. This seems to me now laughable, but it was +a marvel to me then. + +When I sneaked into the kitchen again, I was ashamed to look at her, and +left almost directly, but one day I felt her again, laughing she put her +hand outside my trousers, gave my doodle a gentle pinch and kissed me. +"Let's do it!" I said. "Lor! you ain't man enough," and again I slunk +away ashamed. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + My first frig.--My godfather.--Meditations on copulation.-- + Male and female aromas.--Maid and gardener.--My father + dies.--A wet dream.--Bilked by a whore. + +The frequency of my cock-stands, up to this time I don't know. +Voluptuous sensation, I have no clear recollection of; but no doubt +during that half swooning delight, which I had when big Betsy allowed me +to lay my head on her lap and feel her limbs, that impulse towards the +woman was accompanied by sensuous pleasure, though I don't recollect the +fact, but soon my manhood was to declare itself. + +Some time after I had felt this servant's quim, I noticed a strong +smelling, whitish stuff inside my foreskin, making the underside of the +tip of the prick sore. At first I thought it disease, then pulling the +foreskin up, I made it into a sort of cup, dropped warm water into +it, and working it about, washed all round the nut, and let the randy +smelling infusion escape. This marked my need for a woman, I did not +know what the exudation was, it made me in a funk at first. One day I +had been toying with the girl, had a cockstand, and felt again my prick +sore, and was washing it with warm water, when it swelled up. I rubbed +it through my hand, which gave me unusual pleasure, then a voluptuous +sensation came over me quickly so thrilling and all pervading that I +shall never forget it. I sunk on to a chair, feeling my cock gently, the +next instant spunk jotted out in large drops, a full yard in front of +me, and a thinner liquid rolled over my knuckles. I had frigged myself, +without intending it. + +Then came astonishment, mingled with disgust, I examined the viscid +gruelly fluid with the greatest curiosity, smelt it, and I think tasted +it. Then came fear of my godfather, and of being found out; for all +that, after wiping up my sperm from the floor, I went up to my bed-room, +and locking the door, frigged myself until I could do it no more from +exhaustion. + +I wanted a confident and told two schoolfellows who were brothers, I +could not keep it to myself, and was indeed proud though ashamed to +speak of the pleasure. They both had bigger pricks than mine, and never +had jeered at me because I could not retract my prepuce easily. Soon +after they came to see me, we all went into the garden, each pulled +my prepuce back, I theirs, and then we all frigged ourselves in an +out-house. + +Then I wrote to Fred, who was at a large public school, about my +frigging. He replied that some fellows at his school had been caught at +it, and flogged; that a big boy just going to Oxford had had a woman and +got the pox badly. He begged me to burn his letter, or throw it down the +shit-house directly I had read it, adding that he was in such a funk for +he had lost mine; and that I was never to write to him such things at +the school, because the master opened every day indiscriminately one or +two letters of the boys. He knew my mother was away and so did not mind +writing to me. When I heard that he had lost my letter, I also was in a +funk; the letter never was found. Whether the master got it, or sent it +to my godfather, or not, I can't say, but it is certain that just after +I had one night exhausted myself by masturbation, my godfather came to +see me. + +He stared hard at me. "You look ill." "No, I'm not." "Yes, you are, look +me full in the face, you've been frigging yourself," said he just in so +many words. He had never used an improper word to me before. I denied +it. He raved out, "No denial, sir, no lies, you have sir; don't add +lying to your bestiality, you've been at that filthy trick, I can see +it in your face, you'll die in a mad-house, or of consumption, you shall +never have a farthing more pocket-money from me, and I won't buy your +commission, nor leave you any money at my death." I kept denying it, +brazening it out. "Hold your tongue, you young beast, or I'll write to +your mother." That reduced me to a sullen state, only at times perking +out: "I haven't!" He put on his hat angrily, and left me in a very +uncomfortable state of mind. + +I knew that my father was not so well off as he had been, my mother +always impressed upon me not to offend my godfather, and now I had done +it. I wrote Fred all about it, he said the old beggar was a doctor, and +it was very unfortunate; he wondered if he really did see any signs in +my face, or whether it was a bounce; that I was not to be a fool, and +give in, and still say I hadn't, but had better leave off frigging. + +From that time my godfather was always at my heels, he waited for me at +the schooldoor, spent my half-holidays with me, sat with me and my +aunt of an evening till bed-time, made me ride and drive out with him, +stopped giving me pocket-money altogether, and no one else did; so that +I was not very happy. + +The pleasure of frigging, now I had tasted it (and not before), opened +my eyes more fully to the mystery of the sexes, I seemed at once to +understand why women and men got together, and yet was full of wonder +about it. Spunking seemed a nasty business, the smell of cunt an +extraordinary thing in a woman, whose odour generally to me was so +sweet and intoxicating. I read novels harder than ever, liked being near +females and to look at them more than ever, and whether young or old, +common or gentle, was always looking at them and thinking that they had +cunts which had a strong odour, and wondering if they had been fucked; I +used to stare at aunt and cousins, and wonder the same. It seemed to me +scarcely possible, that the sweet, well dressed, smooth-spoken ladies +who came to our house, could let men put the spunk up their cunts. Then +came the wonder if, and how, women spent; what pleasure they had in +fucking, and so on; in all ways was I wondering about copulation, the +oddity of the gruelly, close smelling sperm being ejected into the hole +between a woman's thighs so astonished me. I often thought the whole +business must be a dream of mine; then that there could be no doubt +about it. Among other doubts, was whether the servant's quim, which had +made by fingers smell, was diseased, or not. Fear of detection perhaps +kept me from frigging, but I was weak and growing fast, and have no +recollection of much desire, though mad to better understand a cunt. It +does not dwell in my mind now that I had a desire to fuck one, but to +see it, and above all, to smell it; the recollection of its aroma seems +to have had a strange effect on me. I did not like it much, yet yearned +to smell it again. Watching my opportunity one day, I managed to feel +the servant; it was dusk, she stood with her back up against the wall, +and felt my prick whilst I felt her; it was an affair of a second or +two, and again we were scared. I went to the sitting-room, and passed +the evening in smelling my fingers and looking at my cousin. This +occurred once again, and I think now, that the servant must just have +been on the point of letting me fuck her, for she had been feeling my +prick and in a jeering way saying, "You are not man enough if I let +you," I emboldened, blurted out that I had spent, I recollect her saying +"oh! you story," and then something put us to flight, I don't now +know what. I certainly was not up to my opportunities, that I see now +plainly. + +I had a taste for chemistry, which served my purpose, as will be seen +further on, and used to experimentalize in what was called a washhouse, +just outside the kitchen, with my acids and alkalis; that enabled me to +slip into the kitchen on the sly, but the plan of the house rendered it +easy, for my aunt to come suddenly into the kitchen. + +My bed-room window overlooked the kitchen yard, in which was this +wash-house, a knife-house and a servant's privy, etc., etc., the whole +surrounded by a wall, with a door in it, leading into the garden. Just +outside on the garden side, was a gardener's shed; the servant in the +morning, used to let the gardener in at the kitchen entrance; and he +passed through this kitchen yard into the garden. I was pissing in the +pot in my bedroom early one morning, and peeping through the blind, when +I saw the servant's head just coming out of the gardener's shed, she +passed through the kitchen yard into the kitchen in great haste, looking +up at the house, as if to see if anyone was at the windows. Then it +occurred to me, that if I got quite early to the kitchen, I could play +my little baudy tricks without fear, for my relatives never went down +till half-past eight to breakfast, whilst the servant went down at six. + +The next morning, I went down early to the kitchen, did not see the +wench, and thinking she might be in the privy in the kitchen yard, +waited. The shutters were not down, after some minutes delay, in she +came; she started. "Hulloh! what are you up for?" I don't think I spoke, +but making a dash, got my hand up her clothes and on to her cunt. She +pushed me away, then caught hold of the hand with which I had touched +her cunt, and squeezed it hard with a rubbing motion, looking at me as I +recollected (but long afterwards), in a funny way. "Hish! hish! here is +the old woman," said she. "It is not." "I'm sure I heard the wires of +her bell," and sure enough there came a ring. Up I went without shoes, +like a shot to my bedroom, began to smell my fingers, found they were +sticky, and the smell not the same. I recollect thinking it strange that +her cunt should be so sticky, I had heard of dirty cunts,--it was a joke +among us boys, and thought hers must have been so, which was the cause, +that the smell and feel were different. + +Two or three days afterwards my mother came to town by herself, there +was a row with the servant, I was told to leave the room; the servant +and gardener were both turned off that day and hour, a char-woman was +had in, a temporary gardener got, and my mother went back to my sick +father. Years passed away, and when I had greater experience and thought +of all this, concluded that my aunt had found the gardener and the +servant amusing themselves too freely, had had them dismissed, and that +the morning I found my fingers sticky, the girl had just come in from +fucking in the gardener's shed. + +With all the opportunities I had, both with big Betsy and with this +woman, I was still virgin. + +When I saw Fred next, he told me he had felt the cunt of one of their +servants. I told him partly what I had done, but kept to myself how I +had failed to poke when I had the opportunity, fearing his jeers; and +as I was obliged to name some woman, mentioned one of my godfather's +servants. He went there to try his chances of groping her as well, but +got his head slapped. We talked much about the smell of cunt, and he +told me that one day after he had felt their servant, he went into the +room where his sisters were, and said, "oh what a funny smell there is +on my fingers, what can it be, smell them." Two of his sisters smelt, +said they could not tell what it was, but it was not nice. Fred used to +say, that he thought they knew it was like the smell of a cunt, because +they colored up so. + +I had noticed a strong smell on my prick, whenever the curdy exudation +had to be washed out. Fred's talk made me imitative, so I saturated my +fingers with the masculine essence one evening, and going to my female +cousin, "oh what a queer smell there is on my fingers," said I, "smell +them." The girl did. "It's nasty, you've got it from your chemicals," +said she. "I don't think I have, smell them again, I can't think what it +can be, what's it like?" "I don't think it's like anything I ever smelt, +but it is not so nasty, if you smell it close, it's like southern wood," +she replied. I wonder if that young lady when she married, ever smelt +it afterwards, and recognized it. I did this more than once, it gave +me great delight to think my slim cousin had smelt my prick, through +smelling my fingers; what innate lubricity comes out early in the male. + +Misfortunes of all sort came upon us, the family came back to town, +another brother died, then my father who had been long ill, died, and +was found to be nearly bankrupt; then my godfather died, and left me +a fortune, all was trouble and change, but I only mention these family +matters briefly. + +My physique still could not have been strong, for though more than ever +intensely romantic, and passionately fond of female society, I don't +recollect being much troubled with cock-standings, and think I should, +had I been so. My two intimate school-friends left off frigging, +the elder brother, who had a very long red nose, having come to the +conclusion with me, that frigging made people mad, and worse, prevented +them afterwards from fucking and having a family. Fred, my favorite +cousin, arrived at the same conclusion--by what mental process, we all +arrived at it, I don't know. + +When I was approaching my sixteenth year, I awakened one night with a +voluptuous dream, and found my night-shirt saturated with semen, it was +my first wet-dream; that set me frigging again for a time, but I either +restrained myself, or did not naturally require much spending at that +time, for I certainly did not often do so. + +But our talk was always about cunt and woman, I was always trying to +smell their flesh, look up their petticoats, watch to see them going +to piddle; and the wonder to me now is, that I did not frig myself +incessantly; and can only account for it on the grounds, that though my +imagination was very ripe, my body was not. The fact of hair under +the arms of women had a secret charm for me about that time. I don't +recollect thinking much about it before, though it had astonished me +when I first saw it; and why it came to my imagination so much now, do +not know, but it did. I have told of the woman under whose arms I first +saw hair. + +One afternoon after my father's death, and that of my godfather, Fred +was with me, we went to the house of a friend, and were to return home +about nine o'clock. It was dark, we saw a woman standing by a wall. "She +is a whore," said Fred, "and will let us feel her if we pay her." "You +go and ask her." "No, you." "I don't like to." "How much money have you +got?" We ascertained what we had, and after a little hesitation, walked +on, passed her, then turned round and stopped. "What are you staring at, +kiddy," said the woman. I was timid, and walked away, Fred stopped with +her. "Wattie, come here," said he in a half whisper. I walked back. "How +much have you got?" the woman said. We both gave her money. "You'll let +us both feel?" said Fred. "Why of course, have you felt a woman before?" +Both of us said we had, feeling bolder. "Was it a woman about here?" +"No." "Did you both feel the same woman?" "No." "Give me another shilling +then, you shall both feel my cunt well, I've such a lot of hair on it." +We gave what he had, and then she walked off without letting us. "I'll +tell your mothers, if you come after me," she cried out. + +We were sold; I was once sold again in a similar manner afterwards, when +by myself. + +These are the principal baudy incidents of my early youth, which I +recollect, and have not told to friends; many other amusing incidents +told them, are omitted here, for the authorship would be disclosed, if +I did. One or two were peculiar and most amusing, yet I dare not narrate +them; but all show how soon sexual desires developed in me, and what +pleasure early in life even these gave me and others. + +I now had arrived at the age of puberty, when male nature asserts itself +in the most timid, and finds means of getting its legitimate pleasure +with women. I did, and then my recollection of things became more +perfect, not only as to the consummations, but of what led to them; yet +nothing seems to me so remarkable as the way I recollect matters which +occurred when I was almost an infant. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + Our house.--Charlotte and brother Tom.--Kissing and + groping.--Both in rut.--My first fuck.--A virginity taken.-- + At a baudy house.--In a privy.--Tribulations.--Charlotte + leaves.--My despair. + +After father's death, our circumstances were further reduced, at the +time I am going to speak of, we had come to a small house nearer London; +one sister went to boarding-school, an aunt (I had many) took another, +I went to a neighboring great school or college, as it was termed, my +little brother Tom was at home; but reference henceforth to members of +my family will be but slight, for they had but little to do with the +incidents of this private life, and unless they were part actors in it, +none will be mentioned. + +Our house had on the ground-floor a dining-room, a drawing-room, and +a small room called the garden parlor, with steps leading into a large +garden. On the first floor my mother's bed-room and two others; above +were the servants' room, mine, and another much used as a lumber-room; +the kitchens were in the basement, beside them a long covered way led +to a servants' privy, and close to it a flight of stairs leading up into +the garden; at the top of the stairs was a garden-door leading into +the fore-court, on to which opened the street-door of the house. This +description of plan is needful to understand what follows. + +I was about sixteen years old, tall, with slight whiskers and moustache, +altogether manly and looking seventeen or eighteen, yet my mother +thought me a mere child, and most innocent; she told our friends so. +I had developed without her having noticed it, love of women, and the +intensest desire to understand the secrets of their nature had taken +possession of me; the incessant talk of fucking with which the youths I +knew beguiled their leisure, the stories they told of having seen their +servants, or other girls half, or quite naked, the tricks by which they +managed this, the dodges they were up to, inflamed me, sharpened +my instinctive acuteness in such matters, and set me seeking every +opportunity to know women naked, and sexually. Frigging was now hateful +to me; I had never done so more than the times related, that is as far +as I now can recollect, frightened as said, by my godfather telling +me, that it sent men mad, and made them hateful to women. So although +boiling with sensuality, I was still all but a virgin, and actually so +in fucking. + +A housemaid arrived just as I came home from college, the cook stood +at the door, she was a lovely woman about twenty-five or six years old, +fresh as a daisy, her name was Mary. The housemaid was in a cart, driven +by her father, a small market gardener living a few miles from us. I saw +a fresh, comely girl about seventeen years old in the fore-court, turned +round to look, she was getting down, the horse moved, she hesitated. +"Get down," said her father angrily. Down she stepped, her clothes +caught on the edge of the cart, or step, or somehow; and I saw rapidly +appear white stockings, garters, thighs, and a patch of dark hair +between them by her belly; it was instantaneous, and down the clothes +came, hiding all. I stood fascinated, knowing I had seen her cunt hair. +She, without any idea of having been exposed, helped down with her +box, I went into the parlor ashamed of having as I thought, been seen +looking. + +I could thing of nothing else, and when she brought in tea, could not +take my eyes off her, it was the same at supper (we lead a simple life, +dining early and having supper). In the evening my mother remarked, +"that girl will do," I recollect feeling glad at heart. + +I went to bed, thinking of what I had seen, and stared whenever I saw +her the next day, until by a sort of fascination, she used to stare at +me; in a day or two I fancied myself desperately in love with her, and +indeed was. I recollect now her features, as if I had only seen her +yesterday, and after the scores and scores of women I have fucked since, +recollect every circumstance attending my having her, as distinctly, as +if it only occurred last week; yet very many years have passed away. + +She was a little over seventeen years, had ruddy lips, beautiful teeth, +darkish hair, hazel eyes, and a slightly turn-up nose, large shoulders +and breast, was plump, generally of fair height, and looked eighteen or +nineteen, her name was Charlotte. + +I soon spoke to her kindly, by degrees became free in manner, at length +chucked her under her chin, pincher her arm, and used the familiarities +which nature teaches a man to use towards a woman. It was her business +to open the door, and help me off with my coat and boots if needful; one +day as she did so, her bum projecting upset me so, that as she rose from +stooping I caught and pinched her. All this was done with risk, for +my mother was then nearly always at home, and the house being small, a +noise was easily heard. + +I was soon kissing her constantly. In a few days got a kiss in return, +that drove me wild, her cunt came constantly into my mind, all sorts +of wants, notions, and vague possibilities came across me; girls do let +fellows feel them I said to myself, I had already succeeded in that. +What if I tell that I have seen it outside? Will she tell my mother? +Will she let me feel her? What madness! Yet girls do let men, girls like +it so all my friends say. Wild with hopes and anticipations, coming in +doors one day, I caught her tightly in my arms, pulled her belly close +to mine, rubbed up against hers saying, "Charlotte, what would I +give, if you would..." it was all I dare say. Then I heard my mother's +bed-room door open, and I stopped. + +Hugging and kissing a woman never stopped there, I told her I loved her, +which she said was nonsense. We now used regularly to kiss each other +when we got the chance; little by little I grasped her closer to me, put +my hands round her waist, then cunningly round to her bum, then my prick +used to stand and I was mad to say more to her, but had not the courage. +I knew not how to set to work, indeed scarce knew what my desires lead +me to hope, and think at that time, putting my hand on to her cunt, and +seeing it, was perhaps the utmost; fucking her seemed a hopelessly mad +idea, if I had the expectation of doing so at all very clearly. + +I told a friend one or two years older than myself how matters stood, +carefully avoiding telling him who the girl was. His advice was short. +Tell her you have seen her cunt, and make a snatch up her petticoats +when no one is near; keep at it, and you will be sure to get a feel, and +some day, pull out your prick, say straight you want to fuck her, girls +like to see a prick, she will look, even if she turns her head away. +This advice he dinned into my ears continually, but for a long time, I +was not bold enough to put it into practice. + +One day, my mother was out, the cook upstairs dressing, we had kissed +in the garden parlour, I put my hand round her bum, and sliding my face +over her shoulder half ashamed, said, "I wish my prick was against +your naked belly, instead of outside your clothes." She with an effort +disengaged herself, stood amazed, and said, "I never will speak to you +again." + +I had committed myself, but went on, though in fear, prompted by love +or lust. My friend's advice was in my ears. "I saw your cunt as you got +down from your father's cart," said I, "look at my prick (pulling it +out), how stiff it is, it's longing to go into you, 'cock and cunt will +come together'." It was part of a smutty chorus the fellows sang at my +college; she stared, turned round, went out of the room, through the +garden, and down to the kitchen by the garden stairs, without uttering a +word. + +The cook was at the top of the house, I went into the kitchen reckless, +and repeated all I had said. She threatened to call the cook. "She must +have seen your cunt, as well as me," said I; then she began to cry. Just +as I was begging pardon, my friend's advice again rang in my ears, I +stooped and swiftly ran both hands up her clothes, got one full on to +her bum, the other on her motte; she gave a loud scream, and I rushed +off upstairs in a fright. + +The cook did not hear her, being up three pairs of stairs; down I went +again, and found Charlotte crying, told her again all I had seen in the +court yard, which made her cry more. She would ask the cook, and would +tell my mother--then hearing the cook coming downstairs, I cut off +through the passage up into the garden. + +The ice was quite broken now, she could not avoid me, I promised not to +repeat what I had said and done, was forgiven, we kissed, and the same +day I broke my promise; this went on day after day, making promises and +breaking them, talking smuttily as well as I knew how, getting a slap on +my head, but no further, my chances were few. My friend, whom I made a +half confident of, was always taunting me with my want of success, and +boasting of what he would have done, had he had my opportunities. + +My mother just at that time began to resume her former habits, leaving +the house frequently for walks and visits. One afternoon she being out +for the remainder of the day, I went home unexpectedly; the cook was +going out, I was to fetch my mother home in the evening; Charlotte laid +the dinner for me; we had the usual kissing, I was unusually bold and +smutty. Charlotte finding me not to be going out, seemed anxious. All +the dinner things had been taken away, when out went the cook, and there +were Charlotte, my little brother and I alone. It was her business to +sit with him in the garden parlor when mother was out, so as to be able +to open the street-door readily, as well as go into the garden if the +weather was fine. It was a fine day of Autumn, she went into the parlor +and was sitting on the huge old sofa, Tom playing on the floor, when I +sat myself down by her side; we kissed and toyed, and then with heart +beating, I began my talk and waited my opportunity. + +The cook would be back in a few minutes, said she. I knew better, +having heard mother tell cook she need not be home until eight o'clock. +Although I knew this, I was fearful, but at length mustered courage to +sing my cock and cunt song. She was angry, but it was made up. She went +to give something to Tom, and stepping back put her foot on the lace of +one boot which was loose, sat down on the sofa and put up one leg over +the other, to relace it. I undertook to do it for her, saw her neat +ankle, and a bit of a white stocking. "Snatch at her cunt," rang in my +ears. I had never attempted it since the afternoon in the kitchen. + +Lacing the boot, I managed to push the clothes up so as to see more of +the leg, but resting as the foot did on one knee, the clothes tightly +between, a snatch was useless: lust made me cunning, I praised the foot +(though I knew not at that time how vain some women are of their feet). +"What a nice ankle," I said putting my hand further on. She was off her +guard; with my left arm, I pushed her violently back on to the large +sofa, her foot came off her knee, at the same moment, my right hand went +up between her thighs, on to her cunt; I felt the slit, the hair, the +moisture. + +She got up to a sitting posture, crying "you wretch, you beast, you +blackguard," but still I kept my fingers on the cunt; she closed her +legs, so as to shut my hand between her thighs, and keep it motionless, +and tried to push me off; but I clung round her. "Take your hand away," +said she, "or I will scream." "I shant!" Then followed two or three +loud, very loud screams. "No one can hear," said I, which brought her to +supplication. My friend's advice came again to me: pushing my right hand +still between her thighs, with my left I pulled out my prick, as stiff +as a poker. She could not do otherwise than see it; and then I drew my +left hand round her neck, pulled her hand to me, and covered it with +kisses. + +She tried to get up and nearly dislodged my right hand, but I pushed her +back, and got my hand still further on to the cunt. I never thought +of pressing, under towards the bum, was in fact too ignorant of female +anatomy to do it, but managed to get one of the lips with the hair +between my fingers, and pinch it; then dropped on to my knees in front +of her, and remained kneeling, preventing her getting back further on +the sofa, as well as I could by holding her waist, or her clothes. + +There was a pause from our struggles, then more entreaties, then more +attempts to get my right hand away; suddenly she put out one hand, +seized me by the hair of my head, and pushed me backwards by it. I +thought my skull was coming off, but kept my hold and pinched or pulled +the cunt lip till she yelled and called me a brute. I told her I would +hurt her as much as I could, if she hurt me; so that game she gave up; +the pain of pulling my hair made me savage, and more determined and +brutal, than before. + +We went on struggling at intervals, I kneeling with prick out, she +crying, begging me to desist; I entreating her to let me see and feel +her cunt, using all the persuasion, and all the baudy talk I could, +little Tom sitting on the floor playing contentedly. I must have been +half an hour on my knees, which became so painful, that I could scarcely +bear it; we were both panting, I was sweating; an experienced man would +perhaps have had her then; I was a boy inexperienced, and without her +consent almost in words, would not have thought of attempting it; the +novelty, the voluptuousness of my game was perhaps sufficient delight to +me; at last I became conscious that my fingers on her cunt were getting +wet; telling her so, she became furious and burst into such a flood +of tears, that it alarmed me. It was impossible to remain on my knees +longer, in rising, I knew I should be obliged to take my hand from her +cunt, so withdrawing my left hand from her waist, I put it also suddenly +up her clothes, and round her bum, and lifted them up, showing both +her thighs, whilst I attempted to rise. She got up at the same instant, +pushing down her clothes, I fell over on one side,--my knees were so +stiff and painful--and she rushed out of the room upstairs. + +It was getting dusk, I sat on the sofa in a state of pleasure, smelling +my fingers. Tom began to howl, she came down and took him up to pacify +him, I followed her down to the kitchen, she called me an insolent +boy (an awful taunt to me then), threatened to tell my mother, to give +notice and leave, and left the kitchen, followed by me about the house; +talking baudily, + +telling her how I liked the smell of my fingers, attempting to put my +hand up her clothes, sometimes succeeding, pulling out my ballocks, and +never ceasing until the cook came home, having been at this game for +hours. In a sudden funk, I begged Charlotte to tell my mother, that I +had only come home just before the cook, and had got to be unwell; she +replying she would tell my mother the truth, and nothing else. I was in +my bed-room before cook was let in. + +Mother came home later, I was in a fright having laid in bed cooling +down, and thinking of possible consequences; heard the street-door +knocker, got out of bed, and in my night-shirt went half way downstairs +listening. To my relief, I heard Charlotte in answer to my mother's +enquiry, say I had come home about an hour before, and had gone to bed +unwell. My mother came to my room, saying how sorry she was. + +For a few days I was in fear, but it gradually wore off, as I found she +had not told; our kissing recommenced, my boldness increased, my talk +ran now freely on her legs, her bum, and her cunt, she ceased to notice +it, beyond saying she hated such talk, and at length she smiled in spite +of herself. Our kissing grew more fervid, she resisted improper action +of my hand, but we used to stand with our lips close together for +minutes at a time, when we got the chance, I holding her to me as close +as wax. One day cook was upstairs, mother in her bed-room, I pushed +Charlotte up against the wall in the kitchen, and pulled up her clothes, +scarcely with resistance; just then my mother rang, I skipped up into +the garden, and got into the parlour that way, soon heard my mother +calling to me to fetch water, Charlotte was in hysterics at the foot +of the stairs--after that, she frequently had hysterics, till a certain +event occurred. + +My chances were chiefly on Saturdays, a day I did not go to college; +soon I was to cease going there, and was to prepare for the army. + +I came home one day, when I knew Charlotte would be alone--the cook was +upstairs--I got her on to the sofa in the garden parlour, knelt and +put my hands between her thighs, with less resistance than before, she +struggled slightly but made no noise. She kissed me as she asked me to +take away my hand; I could move it more easily on her quim, which I did +not fail to do; she was wonderfully quiet. Suddenly I became conscious +that she was looking me full in the face, with a peculiar expression, +her eyes very wide open, then shutting them. "Oho--oho," she said with +a prolonged sigh, "do--oh take away--oh--your hand, Walter dear,--oh I +shall be ill,--oho,--oho," then her head dropped down over my shoulder +as I knelt in front of her; at the same moment, her thighs seemed to +open slightly, then shut, then with a quivering, shuddering motion, as +it then seemed to me, and then she was quite quiet. + +I pushed my hand further in, or rather on, for although I thought I had +it up the cunt, I really was only between the lips--I know that now. +With a sudden start she rose up, pushed me off, snatched up Tom from the +floor, and rushed upstairs. My fingers were quite wet. For two or three +days afterwards, she avoided my eyes and looked bashful, I could not +make it out, and it was only months afterwards, that I knew, that the +movement of my fingers on her clitoris had made her spend. Without +knowing indeed then that such a thing was possible, I had frigged her. + +Although for about three months, I had been thus deliciously amusing +myself, anxious to feel, and see her cunt, and though I had at last +asked her to let me fuck her; I really don't think I had any definite +expectation of doing it to her. I guessed now at its mutual pleasures, +and so forth, yet my doing it to her appeared beyond me; but urged on by +my love for the girl--for I did love her--as well as by sexual instinct, +I determined to try. I also was quickened by my college friend, who had +seen Charlotte at our house and not knowing it was the girl I had spoken +to him about, said to me, "What a nice girl that maid of yours is, I +mean to get over her, I shall wait for her after church next Sunday, she +sits in your pew I know." I asked him some questions,--his opinion was +that most girls would let a young fellow fuck them, if pressed and that +she would (this youth was but about eighteen years old), and I left him +fearing what he said was true, hating and jealous of him to excess. He +set me thinking, why should not I do it if he could, and if what he said +about girls was true,--so I determined to try it on, and by luck did so +earlier than I expected. + +About one hour's walk from us, was the town house of an aunt, the +richest of our family, and one of my mother's sisters. She alone now +supplied me with what money I had, my mother gave me next to nothing. +I went to see aunt, who asked me to tell my mother, to come and spend +a day with her, the next week, and named the day. I forgot this until +three days afterwards, when hearing my mother tell the cook, she could +go out for a whole holiday! I said, that my aunt particularly wished +to see mother on that day. My mother scolded me for not having told her +sooner, but wrote and arranged to go, forgetting the cook's holiday. +To my intense joy, on that day she took brother Tom with her, saying to +Charlotte, "You will have nothing to think of, but the house, shut it +up early, and do not be frightened." I was as usual to fetch my mother +home. + +In what an agitated state I passed that morning at school, and in the +afternoon went home, trembling at my intentions. Charlotte's eyes opened +with astonishment at seeing me. Was I not going to fetch my mother? +I was not going till night. There was no food in the house, and I had +better go to my aunt's for dinner. I knew there was cold meat, and made +her lay the cloth in the kitchen. To make sure, I asked if cook was +out,--yes, she was, but would be home soon. I knew that she stopped +out till ten o'clock on her holidays. The girl was agitated with some +undefined idea of what might take place, we kissed and hugged, but she +did not like even that, I saw. + +I restrained myself whilst eating, she sat quietly beside me; when I had +finished she began to remove the things, the food gave me courage, her +moving about stimulated me, I began to feel her breasts, then got my +hands on to her thighs, we had the usual struggles, but it seems to me +as I now think of it, that her resistance was less, and that she prayed +me to desist more lovingly than was usual. We had toyed for an hour, +she had let a dish fall and smashed it, the baker rang, she took in the +bread, and declared she would not shut the door unless I promised to +leave off. I promised, and so soon as she had closed it, pulled her +into the garden parlour, having been thinking when in the kitchen, how +I could get her upstairs. Down tumbled the bread on the floor, on to the +sofa, I pushed her, and after a struggle she was sitting down, I kissing +her, one arm round her waist, one hand between her thighs, close up to +her cunt. Then I told her I wanted to fuck her, said all in favour of it +I knew, half ashamed, half frightened as I said it. She said she did not +know what I meant, resisted less and less as I tried to pull her back on +the sofa, when another ring came: it was the milkman. + +I was obliged to let her go, and she ran down stairs with the milk. I +followed, she went out, and slammed the door which led to the garden, +in my face; for the instant, I thought she was going to the privy, but +opened and followed on; she ran up the steps, into the garden, through +the garden parlor, and upstairs to her bed-room just opposite to mine, +closed and locked the door in my face, I begged her to let me in. + +She said she would not come out, till she heard the knocker or bell +ring; there was no one called usually after the milkman, so my game was +up, but nothing makes man or woman so crafty as lust. In half an hour +or so, in anger, I said I should go to my aunt's, went downstairs, moved +noisily about, opened and slammed the street-door violently, as if I had +gone out, then pulled off my boots, and crept quietly up to my bed-room. + +There I sat expectantly a long time, had almost given up hope, began to +think about consequences if she told my mother, when I heard the door +softly open and she came to the edge of the stairs. "Wattie!" she said +loudly, "Wattie!" much louder, "he has," said she in a subdued tone to +herself, as much as to say that worry is over. I opened my door, she +gave a loud shriek and retreated to her room, I close to her; in a few +minutes more, hugging, kissing, begging, threatening, I know not how; +she was partly on the bed, her clothes up in a heap, I on her with my +prick in my hand, I saw the hair, I felt the slit, and not knowing then +where the hole was or much about it, excepting that it was between her +legs, shoved my prick there with all my might. "Oh! you hurt, I shall be +ill," said she, "pray don't." Had she said she was dying, I should not +have stopped. The next instant a delirium of my senses came, my prick +throbbing and as if hot lead was jetting from it, at each throb; +pleasure mingled with light pain in it, and my whole frame quivering +with emotion; my sperm left me for a virgin cunt, but fell outside it, +though on to it. + +How long I was quiet I don't know; probably but a short time; for a +first pleasure does not tranquillize at that age; I became conscious +that she was pushing me off of her, and rose up, she with me, to a +half-sitting posture; she began to laugh, then to cry, and fell back in +hysterics, as I had seen her before. + +I had seen my mother attend to her in those fits, but little did I then +know, that sexual excitement causes them in women, and that probably in +her I had been the cause. I got brandy and water, and made her drink a +lot, helping myself at the same time, for I was frightened, and made her +lay on the bed. Then ill as she was, frightened as I was, I yet took +the opportunity her partial insensibility gave me, lifted her clothes +quietly, and saw her cunt and spunk on it. Roused by that, she pushed +her clothes half down feebly and got to the side of the bed. I loving, +begging pardon, kissing her, told her of my pleasure, and asked about +hers, all in snatches, for I thought I had done her. Not a word could I +get, but she looked me in the face beseechingly, begging me to go. I had +no such intention, my prick was again stiffened, I pulled it out, the +sight of her cunt had stimulated me, she looked with languid eyes at me, +her cap was off, her hair hanging about her head, her dress torn near +her breast. + +More so than she had ever looked, was she beautiful to me, success +made me bold, on I went insisting, she seemed too weak to withstand me. +"Don't, oh pray, don't," was all she said as pushing her well on the +bed, I threw myself on her, and again put my doodle on to the slit now +wet with my sperm. I was though cooler, stiff as a poker, but my sperm +was not so ready to flow, as it was in after days, at a second poke, for +I was very young; but nature did all for me; my prick went to the proper +channel, there stopped by something it battered furiously. "Oh, you +hurt, oh!" she cried aloud. The next instant something seemed to tighten +round its knob, another furious thrust,--another,--a sharp cry of pain +(resistance was gone), and my prick was buried up her, I felt that it +was done, and that before I had spent outside of her. I looked at her, +she was quiet, her cunt seemed to close on my prick, I put my hand down, +and felt round. What rapture to find my machine buried; nothing but the +balls to be touched, and her cunt hair wetted with my sperm, mingling +and clinging to mine; in another minute nature urged a crisis, and I +spent in a virgin cunt, my prick virgin also. Thus ended my first fuck. + +My prick was still up her, when we heard a loud knock; both started up +in terror, I was speechless. "My God; it is your mamma!" Another loud +knock. What a relief, it was the postman. To rush downstairs, and open +the door was the work of a minute. "I thought you were all out," said he +angrily, "I have knocked three times." "We were in the garden," said I. +He looked queerly at me and said, "With your boots off!" and grinning +went away. I went up again, found her sitting on the side of the bed, +and there we sat together. I told her what the postman had said, she +was sure he would tell her mistress. For a short time, there never was +a couple who had just fucked, in more of a foolish funk than we were; +I have often thought of our not hearing the thundering knocks of a +postman, whilst we were fucking, though the bed-room door was wide +open; what engrossing work it is so to deafen people. Then after +unsuccessfully struggling to see her cunt, and kissing, and feeling each +others' genitals, and talking of our doings and our sensations for an +hour, we fucked again. + +It was getting dark, which brought us to reason, we both helped to +remake the bed, went downstairs, shut the shutters, lighted the fire +which was out, and got lights. I then having nothing to do, began +thinking of my doodle which was sticking to my shirt, and pulling it +out to see its condition, found my shirt covered with sperm smears, and +spots of blood, my prick was dreadfully sore. I said to her that she had +been bleeding, she begged me to go out of the kitchen for a minute, I +did, and almost directly she came out, and passed me saying, she must +change her things before the cook came home. She would not let me stay +in the room whilst she did it, nor did I see her chemise, though I had +followed her upstairs; then the idea flashed across me that I had taken +a virginity; that had never occurred to me before. She got hot water +to wash herself. I did not know what to do with my shirt; we arranged +I should wash it before I went to bed. We thought it best to say, I had +not been home at all, and that I should go and fetch my mother. After +much kissing, hugging, and tears on her part, off I went, hatching an +excuse for not having fetched mother earlier, and we came home with Tom +in my aunt's carriage I recollect. + +Before going to bed, I ordered hot water for a footbath. How we looked +at each other as I ordered it. I washed my shirt as well as I could, and +looked sadly at my sore prick, I could not pull the skin back, so much +as usual, it was torn, raw, and slightly bleeding. + +Awake nearly all night, thinking of my pleasure and proud of my success; +I rose early, and looking at my shirt, found stains still visible, and +that I had so mucked it in washing, that an infant could have guessed +what I had been doing. I knew that my mother who now did household +duties herself, selected the things for the laundress; and in despair +hit on a plan: I filled the chamber-pot with piss and soap-suds, making +it as dirty as I could, put it near a chair and my shirt hanging over it +carelessly, so as to look as if it had dropped into the pot by accident; +left it there, and put on a clean shirt. After breakfast my mother who +usually helped to make my bed, and her own as well, called out to me; up +I went with my heart in my mouth, to hear her say, she hoped I would +be a little more careful, and remember that we had no longer my poor +father's purse. "Look," said she, "a disgraceful state you left your +shirt in, I am ashamed to have it sent to the laundress, have been +obliged to tell the housemaid to partly wash it first, you are getting +very careless." Charlotte afterwards told me, that when mother gave her +the shirt to rough wash, she felt as if she should faint. + +I need not repeat about my prepuce, which as said I could now pull down +with a little less difficulty. Lacerated and painful over night, it was +much more swollen and sore the next morning, when I pissed it smarted, +the thinking and smarting made me randy: risking all, whilst my mother +was actually in the adjoining room, the poor girl in horrid fear and +looking shockingly ill, I thrust my hand up her clothes and on to her +split. She whispered, "What a wretch you are!" I went to college, came +back at three o'clock, thinking always on the same subject; my prick got +worse, I took it into my head, that Charlotte had given me some disease, +and was in a dreadful state of mind. I washed it with warm water, and +greased it, having eased it thus a little, got the skin down, then could +not get it back again, it got stiff; as it did so sexual pleasures came +into my mind, and worse got the pain. I greased it more, my pain grew +less, I touched the tip with my finger, it gave a throb of pleasure, I +went on without meaning, almost without knowing, the pleasure came and +spunk shot out. I had frigged myself unintentionally again. + +I watched my penis shrink, its tension lessen, its high colour go, then +came the feeling of disgust at myself that I have always felt after +frigging, a disgust not quite absent even when done by the little +hands of fair friends, to whose quims I was paying similar delicate +attentions. I was able to pull up the skin again, but the soreness got +worse, I told the poor girl that my prick was very sore, and that I +thought it strange. It did not wound her feelings, for she did not know +my suspicions. The next morning being no better, I with much hesitation +told a college friend, he looked at my prick, and thought it either clap +or pox. Frightened to go to our own doctor, I at his advice went to a +chemist, who did a little business in such matters; we dealt there, but +my friend assured me that the man never opened his mouth to any one, if +youths consulted him, and many he knew had. + +With quaking I said to the chemist, that I had something the matter with +my thing. "What?" said he. "I don't know." "Let me see it." I began +to beg him not to mention it to my mother, or anyone. "Don't waste my +time," said he, "show it to me, if you want my advice." Out I pulled it +as small as could be, but still with the skin over it. "Have you been +with a woman?" said he. "Yes." He looked at my shirt, there was no +discharge, then he laid hold of my prick with both hands, and with force +pulled the skin right down, I howled. He told me there was nothing the +matter with me, that the skin was too tight, that a snip would set me to +rights, and advised me soon to have it done, saying, "it will save you +trouble and money if you do, and add to your pleasure." I declined. +"Another day then." "No." He laughed and said, "Well, time will cure +you, if you go on as you have began," gave me a lotion, and in three +days I was pretty right: warm water I expect would have had the same +effect. I had simply torn the skin in taking the virginity. + +Of course I wanted Charlotte again, she seemed in no way to help me, and +used to cry, still there was a wonderful difference between then, and +before the happy consummation: she tried to prevent my hands going up her +petticoats, but once up objections ceased, and my hands would rove +about on the outside and inside of all, we stood and kissed at every +opportunity. "When shall we do it again?" she replied "Never!" for she +was sure it would bring punishment on us both. + +I neglected my studies absolutely; all I thought about was her, and how +to get at her, it must have been a week or more before I did. Ready for +any risk, that day my mother was out, I came home, had the early dinner; +the cook after that always went up to dress, or as she said, clean +herself, and there she always was an hour. Waiting till I heard her go +up, I went into the garden parlour, where as usual Charlotte was with +my little brother. Going at her directly, I was refused, but now how +different, once she would not rest until my hand was altogether away +from her. Now I begged and besought her, with my hand up her clothes, +my fingers on her quim. No--if we had not been found out before, we were +fortunate, but never, never, would she do it again; was I mad? did I +wish to ruin her? was not the cook upstairs? might she not come down, +whilst we did it? how light the room was (the sun was coming in). +I dropped the blinde, her resistance grew less, as her cunt felt my +twiddling. "No--now no--oh what a plague you are; hush! it is the cook." +I open the door, listen, there is no one stirring. "What will she think +if she finds you here?" "What does it matter; now do--let me,--I'll bolt +the door, if she comes I will get under the sofa, you say you don't know +how it got bolted." Such was my innocent device, but it sufficed, +for both were hot in lust. I bolted it. My prick is out, I pull her +reluctant hand on to it, my hands are groping now, but too impatient for +dallying, I push her down on the sofa--that dear cunt. "Don't hurt me so +much again, oh don't push so hard." Oh! what delight! in a minute we are +spending, together this time. + +I unlock the door, go back to the dining-room, she strolls out into the +garden, cook speaks to her out of the window. "Where is master Wattie?" +"In the dining-room I suppose." Soon out I stroll into the garden, +play with Tommy of course, she can scarcely look me in the face, she is +blushing like a rose. "Was it not lovely, Charlotte, is not your thing +wet?" In she rushes with Tom, soon I follow, cook is still upstairs. +"Come, be quick." Again the bolt, again we fuck, she walks off into the +garden with Tommy, and her cunt full, and cook and she chat from the +window. How we laughed about it afterwards. + +Modesty retired after this, we gave way to our inclinations, she +refusing but always letting me if we got a chance! We were still green +and timid, at the end of three weeks we only had done it a dozen times +or so, always with the cook in the house, always with fear. I was +longing for complete enjoyment of all my senses, had never yet seen +her cunt, except for a minute at a time, was mad for "the naked limb +entwined with limb," and all I had read of in amatory poetry. I had +gained years in boldness and manhood, and although nervous, began to +practice what I had heard. + +I heard of accommodation houses, where people could have bed-rooms and +no questions were asked; and found one not far from my aunt's, although +she lived in the best quarter of London. Just before Charlotte's day +out, I went to my aunt, complained of my mother's meanness, and she gave +me a sovereign. On my way home, I loitered a full hour in the street +with the baudy house, marked it so as to know it in the day, and saw +couples go in, as my knowing friend who had told said I should. The next +day instead of going to college, and risking discovery, I waited till +Charlotte joined me, took a hackney coach to the street, and +telling Charlotte it was a tavern walked to the door with her, to my +astonishment it was closed. Disconcerted I nearly turned back, but rang +the bell. Charlotte said she would not go in. The door opened, a woman +said, "Why did you not push the door?" Oh! the shame I felt as I went +into that baudy house with Charlotte; the woman seemed to hesitate, or +so I fancied, before she gave us a room. + +It was a gentleman's house, although the room cost but five shillings: +red curtains, looking-glasses, wax lights, clean linen, a huge chair, a +large bed, and a cheval-glass, large enough for the biggest couple to +be reflected in, were all there. I examined all with the greatest +curiosity, but my curiosity was greater for other things, of all the +delicious voluptuous recollections, that day stands among the brightest; +for the first time in my life I saw all a womans' charms, and exposed my +own manhood to one; both of us knew but little of the opposite sex. With +difficulty I got her to undress to her chemise, then with but my shirt +on, how I revelled in her nakedness, feeling from her neck to her +ankles, lingering with my fingers in every crack and cranny of her body; +from armpits to cunt, all was new to me. With what fierce eyes after +modest struggles, and objections to prevent, and I had forced open her +reluctant thighs, did I gloat on her cunt; wondering at its hairy outer +covering and lips, its red inner flaps, at the hole so closed up, and +so much lower down and hidden, then I thought it to be; soon at its look +and feel, impatience got the better of me; hurredly I covered it with +my body and shed my sperm in it. Then with what curiosity I paddled my +fingers in it afterwards, again to stiffen, thrust, wriggle, and spend. +All this I recollect as if it occurred but yesterday, I shall recollect +it to the last day of my life, for it was a honey-moon of novelty, years +afterwards I often thought of it when fucking other women. + +We fell asleep, and must have been in the room some hours, when we +awakened about 3 o'clock. We had eaten nothing that day, and both were +hungry; she objected to wash before me, or to piddle; how charming it +was to overcome that needless modesty, what a treat to me to see that +simple operation. We dressed and left, went to a quietish public-house, +and had some simple food and beer, which set me up, I was ready to do +all over again, and so was she. We went back to the house and again +to bed, the woman smiled when she saw us, the feeling, looking, +tittillating, baudy inciting and kissing recommenced. With what +pleasure she felt and handled my prick, nor did she make objection to +my investigations into her privates, though saying she would not let me. +Her thighs opened, showing the red-lipped, hairy slit, I kissed it, she +kissed my cock, nature taught us both what to do. Again we fucked, +I found it a longish operation, and when I tried later again, was +surprised to find that it would not stiffen for more than a minute, and +an insertion failed. I found out that day that there were limits to +my powers. Both tired out, our day's pleasure over, we rose and took a +hackney coach towards home, I went in first, she a quarter of an hour +afterwards, and everything passed off as I could have wished. + +From that day lust seized us both; we laid our plans to have each other +frequently, but it was difficult: my mother was mostly at home, the +cook nearly always at home if mother was out; but quite twice a week we +managed to copulate, and sometimes oftener. We arranged signals. If when +she opened the door, she gave a shake of the head, I knew mother was +in; if she smiled and pointed down with her fingers, mother was out, +but cook downstairs; if it pointed up, cook was upstairs; in the latter +case, to go into the garden parlour and fuck, all this was done off +hand. If cook was known to be going out, Charlotte told me beforehand, +and if mother was to be out, I got home, letting college and tutors +go to the devil. Then there was lip kissing, cunt kissing, feeling and +looking, tickling and rubbing each others articles, all the preliminary +delights of copulation, and but one danger in the way: my little brother +could talk in a broken way, we used to give him some favorite toy, and +put him on the floor, whilst we indulged voluptuously. On the sofa one +day, I had just spent in her, when I felt a little hand tickling between +our bellies, and Tommy who had tottered up to us said, "Don'ty hurt +Lotty, der's a good Wattie." We settled that Tom was too young to notice +or recollect, what he saw, but I now think differently. + +Winter was coming on, she used to be sent to a circulating library +to fetch books, the shop was some distance off, a few houses, long +garden-walls and hedges were on the road. I used to keep out, or go +out just before she went, and we fucked up against the walls. I took +to going to church in the evening also, to the intense delight of my +mother, but it was to fuck on the road home. One day hot in lust, we +fucked standing on the lobby near my bed-room, my mother being in the +room below, the cook in the kitchen. We got bold, reckless, and whenever +we met alone, if only for an instant, we felt each others genitals. + +At last we found the servant's privy one of the best places. I have +described its situation near to a flight of steps, at the end of a +covered passage, which could be seen from one point only in the garden; +down there, anyone standing was out of sight. If all was clear I used +to ring the parlour bell, ask for something, and make a sign; when she +thought it safe, there she would go, I into the garden, to where I could +see into the passage by the side of the garden stairs. If I saw her, +or heard "ahem," down I went into the privy, and was up her cunt in a +second, standing against the wall, and shoving to get our spent over, as +if my life depended on it; this was uncomfortable, but it had its charm. +We left off doing it in the privy, being nearly caught one day there. + +We thought cook was upstairs mother was out, I was fucking her, when the +cook knocked saying, "make haste Charlotte, I want to come." We had just +spent, she was so frightened I thought she was fainting, but she +managed to say "I cannot." "Do," said cook, "I am ill." "So am I," said +Charlotte. Said cook, "I can sit on the little seat." "Go to misses's +closet, she's out." Off cook went, out we came, and never fucked in that +place again; one day I did her on the kitchen table, and several times +on the dining-room table. + +We in fact did it everywhere else, and often enough for my health, for I +was young, weak and growing, and it was the same with her. The risks we +ran were awful, but we loved each other with all our souls. Both young, +both new at the work, both liking it, it was rarely we got more than +just time to get our fucking over, and clothes arranged before we had to +separate, for her to get to her duties. Many times I have seen her about +the house, cunt full and with the heightened colour, and brilliant +eyes, of a woman who had just been satisfied. I used to feel pleasure +in knowing she was bringing in the dinner, or tea, with my spunk in her +cunt; not having had the opportunity to wash, or piddle it out. + +When she had another holiday, we went to the baudy house, and stayed so +long in it, that we had a scare; just asleep, we heard a knocking at the +door. My first idea was that my mother had found me out, and although I +ruled her in one way, I way in great subjection to her, from not having +any money. She thought her father was after her. What a relief it was +to hear a voice say: "Shall you be long sir, we want the room." I was +having too much accommodation for my money. That night we walked home, +for I had no money for a coach, and barely enough to get us a glass +of beer and a biscuit; we were famished and fucked out, my mother had +refused to give me money, and another aunt whom I had asked, said I was +asking too often, and refused also. + +Although we went to this baudy house, I always felt as if I was going +to be hanged when I did, and it was with difficulty I could make her +go; she called it a bad house, and it cost money. Something then occured +which helped me, penniless as I was. + +At the extreme end of our village were a few little houses, one stood +with its side entrance up a road only partially formed, and without +thoroughfare; its owner was a pew-opener, her daughter a dressmaker, who +worked for servants and such like; they cut out things for servants, who +in those days largely made their own dresses. Charlotte had things made +there. At a fair held every year near us of which I shall have to tell +more, my fast friend, who had put me up to so much, and whom I forgot +to say tried to get hold of Charlotte, I saw with the dressmaker's +daughter. Said he, talking to me next day, "She is jolly ugly, but she's +good enough for a feel, I felt her cunt last night, and think she has +been fucked (he thought that of every girl), her mother's a rum old gal +too, she will let you meet a girl at her cottage, not whores, you know, +but if they are respectable." "Is it a baudy house?" I asked. "Oh no, +it's quite respectable, but if you walk in with a lady, she leaves you +in the room together, and when you come out, if you just give her half +a crown, she drops a curtesy, just as she does when she opens +the pew-doors and anyone gives her six pence, but she is quite +respectable--the clergyman goes to see her sometimes." + +Charlotte asked to go out to a dressmaker, I met her as if by chance at +the door, the old pew-opener asked if I would like to walk in and wait. +I did. Charlotte came in after she had arranged about her dress. There +was a sofa in the room, and she was soon on it; we left together, I +have two or three shillings (money went much further then), and the +pew-opener said, "You can always wait here when your young lady comes to +see my daughter." + +When we went a second time, she asked me if I went to St. Mary's Chapel +(her Chapel). We went to her house in the day that time. When going away +she said, "Perhaps you wont mind always going out first, for neighbours +are so ill-natured." The old woman was really a pew-opener, her daughter +really a dressmaker, but she was glad to earn a few shillings, by +letting her house be used for assignations of a quiet sort; she would +not have let gay women in, from what I heard. + +She had lived for years in the parish, and was thought respectable. She +had not much use of her house in that way, wealthy people going to town +for their frolics,--town only being an hour's journey--and no gay women +being in the village that I know of. + +At this house, I spent Charlotte's third holiday with her, in a +comfortable bed-room. We stopped from eleven in the morning, till nine +at night, having mutton chops and ale, and being as jolly as we +could be. We did nothing the whole day long, but look at each other's +privates, kiss, fuck and sleep outside the bed. It was there she +expressed curiosity about male emissions. I told her how the sperm +spurted out, then discussing women's, she told me of the pleasure I +had given her when fingering her in the manner described already; we +completed our explanations by my frigging myself to show her, and then +my doing the same to her with my finger. I bungled at that, and think I +hear her now saying, "No, just where you were is nicest." "Does it give +you pleasure?" "Oh yes, but I don't like it that way, oh!--oh!--I am +doing it--oh!" I had no money that day, Charlotte had her wages, and +paid for everything, giving me her money to do so. + +One day we laughed at having nearly been caught fucking in the privy. +"She must have a big bum, must Mary," said I, "to sit on that little +seat at the privy." Said Charlotte, "She is a big woman, twice as big +as me, her bottom would cover the whole seat." This set us talking about +the cook, and as what I then heard affected me much at a future day, I +will tell all Charlotte said as nearly as I can recollect. + +"Of course I have seen her naked bit by bit--when two women are together +they can't help it, why should they mind--if you sit down to pee, you +show your legs, and if you put on your stockings you show your thighs, +then we both wash down to our waists, and if you slip off your chemise +or night-gown you show yourself all over. Mary's beautiful from head to +foot, one morning in the summer, we sleeping in the same bed, were +very hot. I got out to pee, we had kicked all the clothes off, Mary was +laying on her back with night-clothes above her waist fast asleep, +I could not help looking at her thighs, which were so large and +white--white as snow." "Had she much hair on her cunt?" said I. "What's +that to you?" said she laughing, but went on: "Oh! twice as much as I +have, and of a light brown." "I suppose her cunt is bigger than yours?" +said I reflectively. "Well, perhaps it is," said Charlotte, "she is a +much bigger woman than me, what do you think?" I inclined to the opinion +it must be, but had no experience to guide me; on the whole we agreed +that it was likely to be bigger. + +"Then," said she, "I suppose some men have smaller things than yours?" +I told her that as far as I knew they varied slightly, but only had +knowledge of youthful pricks, and could not be certain whether they +varied much when full grown or not. We went on about Mary. "I know I +should like to be such a big, fine woman." "But" said I, "I don't like +light hair, I like dark hair on a cunt, light hair can't look well, I +should think." "I like her," said Charlotte, "she is a nice woman, but +often dull, she has no relatives in London, never says anything about +them or herself, she used to have letters, and then often cried, she has +none now; the other night she took me in her arms, gave me a squeeze +and said, 'Oh! if you were a nice young man now', then laughed and +said, 'perhaps we would put our things together and make babies.' I was +frightened to say anything, for fear she would find out I knew to much; +I think she has been crossed in love." + +I was twiddling Charlotte's quim as I was never tired of doing, +something in the sensation I suppose reminded her, for laughing she went +on: "You know what you did to me the other night." "What?" said I not +recollecting. "You know, with your finger." "Oh! frig." "Yes, well Mary +does that; I was awake one night, and was quite quiet, when I heard Mary +breathing hard, and felt her elbow go jog, jog, just touching my side, +then she gave a sigh, and all was quiet. I went to sleep, and have +only just thought of it." She had heard or felt this jog from the cook +before, so we both concluded, that she frigged herself, Charlotte knew +what frigging was. + +"Do you recollect your mamma's birthday?" said Charlotte, "she sent us +down a bottle of sherry, the gardener was to have some, but did not; +so we were both a little fuddled when we went to bed. When Mary was +undressed she pulled up her clothes to her hips, and looking at herself +said, 'my legs are twice as big as yours.' Then we made a bet on it and +measured; she lost, but her thigh was half as big again round as mine; +then she thew herself on her back and cocked up her legs, opening them +for a minute. I said 'Lor, Mary, what ever are you doing?' 'Ah I' said +she, 'women's legs were made to open', and there it ended. I never heard +her before say or do anything improper, she is most particular." If +Charlotte had been older or wiser, she would not have extolled the naked +beauties of a fellow servant to her lover, for the description of the +big bum, white thighs and hairy belly bottom, the jog, jog, of the +elbow, and all the other particulars sunk deep into my mind. + +We fucked more than ever, recklessly--it is a wonder we were not found +out, for one evening, it being dark, I fucked her in the forecourt, +outside our street-door; but troubles were coming. + +Her father wrote to know why she had not been home at her holidays, she +got an extra holiday to go and pacify him; then we had a fright because +her courses stopped, but they came on all right again. One of my sisters +came home, and diminished our opportunities, still we managed to fuck +somehow, most of the times they were uprighters. The next holiday she +went home by coach (the only way), I met her on the return, and we +fucked up against the garden wall of our house. A month slipped away, +again we spent her holiday at the pew-opener's; no man and woman could +have liked each other more, or more enjoyed each other's bodies, without +thinking of the rest of the world. I disguised nothing from her, +she told me all she knew of herself, the liking she took for me, her +pleasure yet fear and shame when first I felt her cunt, the shock of +delight and confusion when on my twiddling it, she had spent; how she +made up her mind to run out of the house when the milkman came, the +hysterical faint when I first laid my prick between her slit and spent, +the sensation of relief when I had not done, an instinct told her I +should, in spending outside, the sort of feeling of "poor fellow, he +wants me, he may do as he likes," which she had; I told my sensations. +All these we told each other over and over again, and never tired of the +conversation; we were an innocent, reckless, randy couple. + +We had satisfied our lusts in simple variety, but I, never put my +tongue in her mouth, nor do I know that I had heard of that form of +lovemaking--but more of that hereafter. I did her on her belly, and +some-thing incited me to do it to her dog fashion, but it was never +repeated; we examined as said each others appendages, but once +satisfied, having seen mine get from flaccid to stiff, the piddle +issue, the spunk squirt, she never wanted to see it again, and could +not understand my insatiable curiosity about hers. She knew I think less +than most girls of her age about the males, having never I recollect +nursed male children, and I don't think she had brothers. + +How is it that scarcely any woman will let you willingly look at her +cunt after fucking, till it is washed; most say it is beastly, gay or +quiet, it is the same. Is it more beastly to have it spurted up, to +turn and go to sleep with the spunk oosing on to a thigh, or an hour +afterwards to let a man paddle in what has not dried? They don't +mind that, but won't let you look at it after your operations, +willingly--why? + +A modest girl lays quietly after fucking, and does not wash till you are +away. A young girl who has let you see her cunt and take her virginity, +won't wash it at all, until you point out the necessity. A gay woman +often tries to shove back her bum just as you spend, gets the discharge +near the outlet, uncunts you quickly and at once washes and pisses at +the same time. A quiet young girl wipes her cunt on the outside only. +A working man's wife does the same. I have fucked several, and not one +washed before me. I incline to the opinion that poor women rarely wash +their cunts inside, their piddle does all the washing. "What's the good +of washing it?" said a poor, but not a gay girl to me, "it's always +clean, and feels just the same an hour afterwards, whether washed +or not." Is the unwashed cunt less healthy than one often soaped and +syringed? I doubt it. An old _roue_ said to me he would not give a damn +to fuck a cunt at night, which has been washed since the morning. + +About sexual matters each of us knew about as much as the other, and +we had much to learn. A girl however in the sphere of life of Charlotte +usually knows more about a man's sex, than a youth of the same age does +of a woman's; they have nursed children, and know what a cock is; a girl +is never thought too young to nurse a male child, no one would trust a +boy after ten years of age to nurse a female child; but she had never +nursed. From Charlotte I had my first knowledge of menstruation, and of +other mysteries of her sex. Ah! that menstruation was a wonder to me, it +was marvellous, but all was really a wonder to me then. + +After Christmas my sister went back to school, our chances seemed +improving, we spent another holiday at the pew-opener's. I had got +money, and we were indiscreet enough to go to see some wax-works. Next +day her father came to see her; he ordered her to tell where she had +been. She refused, he got angry, and made such a noise, that mother +rang to know what it was. He asked to see her, apologized, and said his +daughter had been out several holidays, without his knowing where she +had been. My mother said it was very improper, and that he ought. A +friend was with us in the room, and I sat there reading and trembling. +My mother remarked to the lady, "I hope that girl is not going wrong, +she is very good looking." Mother asked me to go out of the room, then +had Charlotte up, and lectured her; afterwards Charlotte told me for the +first time, that her father was annoyed because she would not marry a +young man. + +A young man had called at our house several times to see her; she saw +him once and evaded doing so afterwards. He was the son of a well-to-do +baker, a few miles from Charlotte's home, and wished to marry her; his +father was not expected to live, and the young man said he would marry +her directly the father died. Her mother was mad at her refusing such +a chance. Charlotte showed me his letters, which then came, and we +arranged together the replies. + +She went home, and came back with eyes swollen with crying, some one +had written anonymously, to say she had been seen at the wax-works with +a young man, evidently of position above her, and had been seen walking +with a young man. The mother threatened to have a doctor examine her +to see if she had been doing anything wrong, no one seemed to have +suspected me; her father would have her home, her mother had had +suspicion of her for some time, "The sooner you marry young Brown the +better, he will have a good business, and keeps a horse and chaise, +you will never have such a chance again, and it will prevent you going +wrong, even if you have not already gone wrong," said her mother. + +It was a rainy night, I had met her on her return, and we both stood an +hour under an umbrella, talking and crying, she saying, "I knew I should +be ruined; if I marry he will find me out, if I don't they will lead me +such a life; oh! what shall I do!" We fucked twice in the rain against +a wall, putting down the umbrella to do it. Afterwards we met at the +dressmaker's, talked over our misery and cried, and fucked, and cried +again. Then it was nothing but worry, she crying at her future, I +wondering if I should be found out; still with all our misery, we never +failed to fuck if there was a clear five minutes before us. Then her +mother wrote to say that old Brown was dead, and her father meant to +take her away directly; she refused, the father came, saw my mother, and +settled the affair by taking back Charlotte's box of clothes. I had not +a farthing; at her age a father had absolute control, and nothing short +of running away would have been of use. We talked of drowning ourselves, +or of her taking work in the fields. I projected things equally absurd +for myself. It ended in her agreeing to go home,--she could not help +that,--but refusing to marry. + +Charlotte wrote me almost directly after her return. My mother had +reserved the right of opening my letters, although she had ceased to do +so. That morning seeing she had one addressed to me, in fear I snatched +it out of her hand. She insisted on having it back, I refused, and we +had a row. "How dare you sir? give it me." "I won't, you shant open my +letter." "I will, a boy like you!" "I am not a boy, I am a man, if you +ever open a letter of mine, I will go for a common soldier, instead of +being an officer." "I will tell your guardian." "I mean to tell him how +shamefully short of money I am, uncle says it's a shame, so does aunt." +my mother sunk down in tears, it was my first rebellion; she spoke to +my guardian, never touched my letters again, and gave me five times +the money I used to have; but to make sure, I had letters enclosed to a +friend, and fetched them. + +Charlotte was not allowed to go out alone, and was harassed in every +way; for all that, I managed to meet her at a local school, one Saturday +afternoon when it was empty; some friendly teacher let her in, and she +let me in. We fucked on a hard form, in a nearly dark room, about the +most difficult poke I ever had, it was a ridiculous posture. But our +meeting was full of tears, despondency, and dread of being with child. +She told me I had ruined her, even fucking did not cheer her. A week or +so afterwards, having no money, I walked all the way to try to see +her, and failed. Afterwards in her letters, she begged me never to tell +anyone about what had passed between us. Her father sent her away to his +brother's, where she was to help as a servant; for somehow it had got +wind that she had met some one at the school-house. There she fell ill +and was sent home again. Then she wrote that she should marry, or have +no peace, wished I was older, and then she could marry me; she did not +write much common sense, although it did not strike me so then. She was +coming to London to buy things, would say she would call on my mother on +the road, but would meet me instead. How she humbugged the young woman +who came to town with her, I don't know, but we met at the baudy house, +cried nearly the whole time, but fucked for all that till my cock would +stand no longer; then vowing to see each other after she was married, we +parted. + +She married soon, my mother told me of it; she lived twelve miles +from us, and did not write to me. I went there one day, but although +I lingered long near their shop, I never saw her. I did that a second +time, she saw me looking in, and staggered into a back room. I dared +not go in for fear of injuring her. Afterwards came a letter not signed, +breathing love, but praying me not to injure her, as might be if I was +seen near her house. Money, distance, time was all against me; I felt +all was over, took to frigging, which, added to my vexation, made me +ill. What the doctor thought I don't know, he said I was suffering +from nervous exhaustion, asked my mother if I was steady, and kept good +hours. My mother said I was the quietest, and best of sons, as innocent +as a child, and that I was suffering from severe study--she had long +thought I should; the fact being that for four months I had scarcely +looked at a book, excepting when she was near me, and had when not +thinking of Charlotte, spent my time in writing baudy words, and +sketching cunts and pricks with pen and ink. + +Thus I lost my virginity, and took one, thus ended my first love or +lust; which will you call it? I call it love, for I was fond of the +girl, and she of me. Some might call it a seduction, but thinking of it +after this lapse of years, I do not. It was only the natural result of +two people being thrown together, both young, full of hot blood, and +eager to gratify their sexual curiosity; there was no blame to either, +we were made to do it, and did but illustrate the truth of the old song, +"Cock and cunt will come together, check them as you may," and point to +the wisdom, of never leaving a young male and female alone together, if +they were not wanted to copulate. + +In all respects we were as much like man and wife as circumstances would +let us be. We poked and poked, whenever we got a chance; we divided our +money, if I had none, she spent her wages; when I had it, I paid for her +boots and clothes--a present in the usually sense of the term I never +gave her; our sexual pleasures were of the simplest, the old fashioned +way was what we followed, and altogether it was a natural, virtuous, +wholesome, connection, but the world will not agree with me on that +point. + +One thing strikes me as remarkable now: the audacity with which I went +to a baudy house; all the rest seems to have began, and followed as +naturally as possible. What a lovely recollection it is! nothing in my +career since is so lovely as our life then was; scarce a trace of what +may be called lasciviousness was in it, had the priest blest it by the +bands of matrimony, it would have been called the chaste pleasure of +love and affection--as the priest had nothing to do with it, it will +be called I suppose beastly immorality. I have often wondered if her +husband found out that she was not a virgin, and if not whether it was +owing to some skill of hers, or to his ignorance; I heard afterwards +that they lived happily. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + Mary the cook.--A bloody nose and broken piss-pot.--An + involuntary spend.--A feel and a poke.--A new sensation.--At + a baudy house.--Mary's history.--She leaves. + +As the certainty that all was finished between us came to me, I +got better, my grief moderated, my prick expected occupation, I was +horrified at having frigged myself, and ceased doing it. Then naturally +I looked at the servants. The new housemaid was ugly as sin, so I turned +to Mary the cook. I was then about seventeen years old. + +She was now I think twenty-six or eight years old, big, stout, but as it +seemed to me then, symmetrical; she had exquisite teeth, blue eyes, and a +fine complexion--so fine that my mother remarked it. She was quiet in +a remarkable degree, and treated me as a boy. Nine months before this +I should as soon have dared to think of fucking my aunt, but experience +had altered me. I thought of the light hair on her cunt, and of all I +could not see, which Charlotte had innocently described to me; and the +conclusions we had arrived at, that she frigged herself. Then I thought +that after all, old as she was, and young as I was, she might like +Charlotte, let me do her. I had once kissed her when Charlotte was with +us, and she had taken it as if she was letting a child kiss her; I now +tried it again, and got a quiet kiss in return; it was done with the air +and manner of "There, there, you troublesome boy," which mortified me +much. + +I had now special tutors at home, and was at home when I liked, yet +my chances with the cook were fewer than they had been with Charlotte, +owing to her occupations. I was studying elementary chemistry, and when +making some experiments in the garden parlour, burnt a table cover. My +mother angry, said I had better experiment in the back kitchen again, so +under that pretence, I managed to be downstairs frequently. + +I used to watch Mary, slipping out into the outside passage leading +to the servant's privy, and take pleasure in the idea of her piddling +there. One day, I watched her coming back, she gave her clothes a tuck +between her legs, and I knew it was to dry her cunt; opened the door +just as she did it, she knew that I saw the action by my grin, and her +face turned scarlet. I kissed her that day, asked her timidly if she had +dried it properly that morning. "Dried what?" said she innocently. "What +I saw you drying when you came from the closet." She turned away without +saying a word. + +A day or two after as she went upstairs to the parlour, I stopped, saw +her legs, and told her she had jolly fat legs. She wished I would go +upstairs, for I was in the way with my chemicals, and after that ceased +talking to me. But it was difficult to avoid me, I got rude, would tuck +my coat between my legs, laugh and make believe to stoop down to see her +ankles, but she took no notice. Begging her to kiss me one day; she gave +me two or three at once saying, "There now, go on with your chemicals," +in such a motherly way, that it mortified me excessively; making me feel +the difference in our ages, as a barrier to my hopes. + +But if discouraged one day, I got courage the next; impelled by a +cock-stand, and my mother being out, I said, "Should I not like to see +your legs." For a wonder she answered, "Look at your own." "Oh!" I +replied, "they are not the same, you have got a slit between them, I have +got something hanging, and ready to put into the slit." "I wish you +would go upstairs," said she, "you are always down here now." Then she +told mother I was in her way,--I promised only to go to the back kitchen +when it suited the cook, but did not keep my word. + +She was alone one evening, I went home and downstairs, kissed and +fondled, and would not be repulsed. At some time every woman is more +yielding than at others, they always are if randy. Getting my courage up +I said I wished she would let me feel her thing, then said, "Let me do +you," in a whisper. It was quite dusk down there when I said it. She +was speechless for a full minute, whilst I kept repeating my demand. At +length she replied, "How dare a boy like you, speak like that to a woman +like me." "I--am not a boy," said I in anger; "I have had many women, I +know all about a woman's pleasure, I know where your thing is; I know +why you tuck your hand outside your clothes after you have piddled." +Then she pushed me out of the kitchen, but I thought she smiled. + +Our family habits were much as they had been, but the weather getting +finer, mother often took both Tom and the housemaid with her out for a +walk; but not until the cook had dressed herself after our early dinner. +Unless she took the housemaid out, I was worse off than ever. Yet my +chances came. + +Cook one day was alone in the kitchen darning a stocking; it was +cold--the beginning of March--her feet were on the old fashioned iron +fender, I sat myself down on the fender, and we talked, I laid my hand +on her lap, and tried quietly without letting her know it, to feel where +she gartered. I felt the knot distinctly above her knee, thought how +near it was to the cunt I was burning to feel, then put my hand up her +clothes, and felt her naked leg under the knee. + +She told me to leave off, my prick was standing, "Have you not jolly big +white thighs, I have heard of them," said I. "Heard?" said she. "Yes, +and a good lot of hair between them." "Who, to look at you would believe +you were such a liar, such a young monkey; get out of the kitchen." She +arose, drew some water, took it in one hand, some clean clothes in the +other, and went upstairs, taking no further notice of me. I followed her +a few steps up, then pushed my hands up her clothes on to her thighs, +just beneath her backslide; round she swung facing me, and sat down on +the stairs; in swinging round my hand came just into contact with the +hair of her cunt; then with a push she sent me downstairs tumbling. As I +got up she said quite quietly, "It's your fault if you are hurt; if you +follow me, I will push you down again," "I am stronger than you." I +sung out,. "I don't care, so long as I can feel you." "If I was not +so comfortable here in many ways, I would leave to-morrow," said she, +continuing to go upstairs, and thinking she had settled me; but I +followed, tried again, and she threw the whole jug of water over me. +"Now tell your mamma," said she, "and I'll surprise her, she don't know +her son," and again she pushed me down. That did not stop my tongue, for +I had now got angry and reckless, sang out my wants, bawling out about +her cunt, and said, "Did you ever sit on the little privy seat Mary, +tell me." She went up, and locked herself in her bed-room, till I was +tired of waiting. + +I had been a month at this fun, and as in Charlotte's case seemed +not getting on at all, my experience was confined to one woman, and +naturally I used to compare everything taking place, with what had taken +place with her. To my inexperienced mind, there was a difference between +the two women which I could not understand: when I first got my hand up +Charlotte's clothes, she was as quick as me, struggled, screeched, and +got my hand away, seemed in dread and astonished. When I got my hand on +Mary's flesh, which I did repeatedly afterwards, she would turn round +quite quietly, remove my hand with force, look at me as if she were +collecting her thoughts, did not seem at all alarmed, but gave me a +lecture. When she kissed me afterwards, it seemed to be upon reflection, +but she did it with force, looked me full in the face, then turned away. +One day she said, "I would not leave a sister of mine here, if she were +young, for five times my wages, but I am old enough to keep you in your +place." + +Soon after mother was one day out, I at home, housemaid and Tom in +the garden; it was a clear, bright day, there was a fire in the garden +parlour, the garden window-door was shut, and I bolted it; it was about +half-past three o'clock, the cook was dressing, I burning with lust, +went to my bed-room, opposite then to her door and listened. I heard +the rattle of piddle, excitement got the better of my fears, I knocked. +"It's not locked," she called out, thinking it was the housemaid; I +opened the door, went in and closed it. + +She was standing before the glass brushing her hair, with but stays on; +over her chemise, I saw at a glance big white breasts, and big white +legs up to her knees. She turned round, and seeing me, put her hands up +to cover her breasts, stepped backwards till the bedstead stopped +her, and said, "Go out, mister Walter," but I threw my arms round her, +clasping her tightly and kissing her on her breasts before she could +repeat her request, and said, "Oh! do Mary, do let me." + +She did not answer, but disengaged herself from my arms. Crafty with +lust and doubtless thinking of former experience, I dropped on my knees, +in an instant had her chemise up, both hands round her great bum, and my +mouth buried in the hair, kissing the outside of her cunt; she sat down +nearly crushing my hands, between her bum and the bedstead, I withdrew +them with a cry of pain. + +She pushed me away; being on my knees, back I tumbled; as I did so, +caught her chemise and lifted it; she put her hands down to prevent it; +I kept my hold tightly, and it tore up with a noise, to where her stays +stopped it from going further; but the rent disclosed thighs belly and +motte simultaneously. She rose, tried to hide her nakedness, and stop +the chemise going further, her legs got somehow entangled with mine, I +fell back, and she fell clean over me. As I fell, my head struck the pot +and overturned it, I felt the warm piddle round my neck and head, and +at the same instant a heavy sort of blow on my nose, and hair on my +lips--it was her naked belly and motte which struck me as she fell on +me. We rolled over, and struggled for a second, I saw white thighs a +huge bum, and then we were both up. She opened the window and shouted +out, "Eliza, Eliza, I want you." + +Then she turned to me with her eyes wide open, her bosom palpitating, +and said, "Get out, you are a nice young blackguard, I would not have +believed it, had I not found you out." And in the same breath hurriedly, +"Oh! my God, Wattie, what is the matter?" I felt a funny trickling +sensation on my upper lip, and putting my hand up to feel, removed it +covered with blood, the result of the blow of her motte on my nose, +which was pouring down blood copiously, and dropping on to my shirt. The +sight of blood always made me furious, "It's a blow from your belly," +said I, "you did it purposely." She saw by that time it was not serious +and said, "it serves you right, and directly your mamma comes in I will +tell her." "Do," said I. She repeated, "You are a young blackguard." + +In the excitement of opening the window, calling out, and seeing my nose +bleeding, she had forgotten her torn chemise; and I had thought about +nothing but my bleeding nose. Standing by the table to open the window, +her form had been hidden, but she moved, disclosed the torn chemise, +partly one of her hips, thigh, leg, and partially the hair of her cunt. +"I can see your cunt," said I staunching my nose. She snatched up the +torn chemise, hiding herself with it. "Oh! go, go," said she, "oh! that +mess, what shall I do!" and she stopped to set up the piss-pot which was +laying on one side; I rushed forward, nose still bleeding, and tried to +feel the half naked thigh. "For God's sake go," said she, "here is Eliza +coming." I heard Tom lumping up step by step slowly, assisted by the +housemaid, and bolted into my room. + +I held the door ajar and listened. "Where is Master Walter?" said the +housemaid as she got to the top landing. "I don't know," said Mary, "is +he not in the drawing-room?" "I don't know," replied Eliza, "what do you +want?" The door closed, I heard no more, but felt sure that Mary did not +mean to tell. My nose left off bleeding, I washed it, and crept quietly +downstairs. + +Eliza and Tommy went down again into the garden; shortly afterwards +down went cook into the kitchen, five minutes after down I went. It was +always dullish in the afternoon there. I had thought that I might risk, +and as I passed the door from the kitchen leading into the garden, shot +the bolt so that, had the housemaid come down that way, she could not +get in also. + +Mary was sitting close to the fire. "No more nonsense I hope," said she. +There was a kiss and forgiveness soon given me, in her tranquil way. + +Again I sat down on the huge kitchen fender, and the next instant was +thinking what I had best do. I had seen those wonderfully large, white +thighs, seen the thicket of lightish hair between them, had felt no +cunt fully for weeks, and was dying with lust. She was as serene as if +nothing had happened, and kissed me, but in the usual motherly sort of +way. She rose up saying, "I must begin to shut up; what is Eliza staying +out so late in the garden with that child for?" That instant I thrust +my hand up her clothes, got it on to the motte, and clutched the hair +between my fingers; it was easy enough, for it was about the longest and +thickest motte thatch I have yet felt Down she sat, and tried to push +me away, but I had firm hold of the hair, and as I did on a similar +occasion with Charlotte, pulled and hurt her; she ceased to push me +off, and there I stopped, my prick throbbing, and every fibre in me, +palpitating with the lust of long continence. Then I pulled and hurt her +again, threatening to hurt her more still unless she let me feel her; +knowing the housemaid must knock before she could get in suddenly, I was +bold. + +She bore my tugs with a little flinching and never answered my +entreaties. I had found my courage, and used the words cunt and fuck; it +was getting dark; looking at me steadily, she said, "So young and yet so +cruel, five minutes ago you were saying you were so fond of me, and now +you are trying to hurt me; you promised you would not touch me again, +now you are doing it; you are all alike, young and old, cruel and +liars." I felt ashamed, but was mad with lust. "A youth like you, and so +quiet as you look." "Youth! I am a man, have had women, feel me, let me +feel you, oh! do feel me." I had my prick out. To get better at her, +go from the fender on to my knees, and was pushing my hand between her +thighs with energy. Pulling her bum back, she stooped, and her face came +near mine. "Kiss me, feel me, and I will indeed leave off, I have seen +your belly, let me feel it, and I will leave off." "You will break +your word again," said she. "I swear not." She put her face to mine and +kissed me, her right hand dropped, and gently laid hold of my prick, her +thighs just so little opened that my fingers passed the hair and felt +the smooth inner face of the lips; it was too much for me, for some +hours my prick had been standing off and on, I had been pulling it +about, longing and hoping to use it, and for a long time no emission had +left it. + +I felt my sperm coming, and could not stop it, my arse jogged and +pushed my prick involuntarily between her fingers, pleasure suddenly +overwhelmed me, and kissing her I spent in her hand--all the work of +half a minute. Then burning shame came over me, I could kiss her no +longer, dared not look her in the face, nor keep my hand between her +thighs, but rose quickly and without a word rushed upstairs to my +bed-room. + +I have done for myself I thought, what a beast she will think me, I +shall never dare to speak to her again, and was ready to cry; little +knowing then that every step in baudiness, is a step towards the +end, and that my spunk on her hand, would help me to shed some in her +elsewhere. + +Feeling so uncomfortable I went out; calling out to the housemaid, that +I should be home about eight o'clock, went to a friend's, had dinner, +but could not talk nor scarcely eat. My friend joked and asked if I was +in love. My prick was standing again after I had eaten, I went home, +making up my mind to go to bed early, preferring solitude and my own +thoughts; it was about seven P. M., to my astonishment Mary opened the +door. I felt my face hot, and could scarcely look at her; she was +as tranquil as ever, nothing ever seemed to disturb that woman. This +tranquility reassured me, the more so when I found mother was still out. +The housemaid had gone out to make a few purchases, leaving Mary alone +with Tommy, who she was just going to put to bed, and upstairs she went +with him for that purpose, without speaking to me. + +What a chance! oh! if I had not been such a beast. My prick rose stiff, +the afternoon's spend was the first I had had for a long time, a stiff +prick gives courage, and darkness helps. We are alone, she said nothing +as I spent in her hand, indeed went on kissing me when spending, what if +I ask her again? What an age she seemed putting Tommy to bed, at last I +heard her say, "Go to sleep, mamma will be home soon," and she went up +to her bed-room. She is going thought I to sit there till Eliza knocks, +and did not dare go up, but stood listening in the hall, feeling my +prick and longing;, at last I heard her coming down with slow, measured +steps. In the hall, I flung my arms around her, kissing and begging her +to forgive me. "I could not help it," said I in a whisper, "you do not +know how I longed for you." "Let me go downstairs," said she. + +The garden parlour door was open. "Come in here and talk." I pulled her +in with but little difficulty, pushed her down on the sofa, and put both +arms round her. The door closed, leaving a small opening; there was +no light, but the gleam which shot from the hall-lamp through the door +ajar; I could barely see her face, and sat by her begging forgiveness +and kissing, but got no reply. My prick was more than stiff, I put my +hand down on her lap, on to her knees, then down to her feet, waiting a +second at each advance--no movement. My hand slipped up bit by bit, +it passed her ankle, her garter, and was on the flesh above--still no +movement. I hesitated and begged--no reply. Up further went my hand, the +thighs were not closed, but let my hand slip between them, a long drawn +sigh came from her as my fingers buried themselves in a fat, warm quim. +I pushed her back gently, and put her hand on to my prick; she held it +tight, and in a whisper said, "Will you never tell anyone?" By my body +and soul I swore it; the thighs opened wider, her body fell back and +disposed itself on the sofa, my hands roved over a large expanse of +flesh, I could see the white mass only, the rest seemed dark. I kissed +the hair on her cunt which I could not see, felt the smooth velvety +haunches, and threw myself on one of the finest, whitest and broadest +bellies I ever yet have had close to mine. The thighs opened to receive +me, and the next moment my prick was gliding up her cunt--she was not a +virgin. + +What a heavenly sense of satisfaction at being up a cunt again. I could +scarcely realize my success; my hands felt between the fat lips, to +ensure my being in all right. I was conscious of a difference between +her and Charlotte, the way she lay, the size of the thighs, the quantity +of hair, and a quiescent manner, made her as different as possible from +my former sweetheart. Novelty made me think this one more delicious, +but nature would not postpone, and was impelling her as well as me; was +tightening her cunt round my prick, her body was thrilling for a spend. +I pushed as her cunt tightening, roused me, tighter was my prick grasped +within her; her arms folded across me, drew me towards her like a vice; +her belly moved up quite slowly to mine, as if to throw me off, then +moved twice or thrice as if in a spasm--a sigh, and her belly sunk down +as slowly as it had risen up, drawing my sperm into her, as she spent. + +We lay without stirring, or uttering a word for a long time, supremely +happy; my prick lingered as if it intended to stop permanently in its +trap, she made no effort to dislodge it; at last it began to shrink, +then curiosity began, down went my hand between our bellies, wet as if +from a bath of gruel was my doodle and her quim. Then she spoke--the +first words uttered--"No--no--." The feel had such an effect on me, +that my prick began again to stiffen. I had with Charlotte failed +ignominiously two or three times, in a third fuck on the same day, and +feared a failure now. I kissed and felt her, as far as my hands and our +clothes would let me, she moved her bum up gently to let my hand under +it, but not a word could I get from her. "Can I do it again?" thought +I, and began pushing--yes it was stiffening, and again was that cunt +tightening. I push harder,--with a gentle heave the belly comes up, I am +off on the ride without having withdrawn; was this the fist time I had +ever been man enough to do it twice without uncunting? I think so. + +The passage of privates was longer, I felt more movement in her +buttocks, her sighs were stronger, her hand moved more restlessly over +my back, our mouths got glued together. Her lips are wet, or it is +mine which are getting wet? There is a new, voluptuous sensation I never +experienced before, it delights me; I glued my lips tighter to hers, +our heaves are quicker, our sighs shorter, I feel the least bit of +her tongue touching my lips. I had never heard of that voluptuous +accompaniment of fucking, and it was to me an inspiration; shooting +out my tongue into her mouth,--hers comes out to meet it; they are +exchanging liquids,--the delight spreads electrically through our +bodies,--up comes her belly,--shorter are my shoves,--a quivering +wriggle to get deeper up her--and we both spend together, as it +seems with more pleasure than I ever did before. How strange I should +recollect this all so clearly. + +The delights of the wet kisses are new to me; although not able to see +them, I thought of her exquisite teeth, and rolled my tongue over them. +She kisses me, still holds me, again my hand goes down to feel the parts +now separating, slobbered, and sticky with past joy; out comes my prick, +and then she speaks. "No-no," she sits up, I by her side, my hand on her +naked thighs for a minute. She gets up, gives me a long kiss, goes to +her room, and soon after comes down, her eyes wet with crying, "Don't +come near me, don't be unkind, let me alone," she says. Her manner was +so commanding, that I let her go to the kitchen without following her. +Shortly Eliza and then my mother came home. + +Mad for her again, I took to my chemistry in the back kitchen +constantly, you may be sure. When I got the chance, spoke of our +pleasures and my hopes. "We ought," said she, "both to be ashamed of +ourselves, but I especially who am so many years older than you, ought +to have known better; if I am punished it will serve me right. Oh! if +you don't hold your tongue! My risk is more than you have any idea of." +All was said in a way as if she were preaching, and looking me full in +the face. + +She refused what I wanted and avoided me, but it was impossible for her +altogether to escape me. Risking everything, emboldened by impunity with +Charlotte, I used to clutch her knees, and put my head up her clothes, +kissing and smelling her motte, I began to love the smell of it. She +used to dislodge me, and neither made a noise, nor uttered a word in +doing so--indeed she rarely spoke at any time. But it is difficult for +a woman who has been fucked by a man to refuse him again; I watched my +opportunities, my conversation broken as it was, and rarely but for a +minute at a time, was one repetition of lustful wants and prayers; I +used to pull my prick out, beg her to see and feel it. At length she +did, saying, "May God forgive me for my weakness." That day I fucked her +again standing in the kitchen, and a second time a few hours afterwards +in the dusk, which experience began to show me was the time she was most +accessible; the other servant was somewhere in the house at the time I +recollect. + +After that her manner changed, she ceased to resist; but when I asked +her to go to a house with me, she said, "No, no, I am not coming to +that." Now, though tranquil, she was more capricious, sometimes letting +me feel her, or do it to her with impatience; at other times with +evident desire to please; but I was so often baulked, and I plagued her +so incessantly to meet me somewhere, that at length she did, saying, +"Well, it little matters, as I have made my bed, so I must lie on it." I +did not know then what she meant by that. + +She got a holiday, we had food at a tavern, went to the house to which I +first took Charlotte, and into the same room; what a reminiscence! As I +got to the door, she looked nervously round and said, "I may as well +be hung for a sheep as a lamb." It was a joyous day for me. Once in the +house she became gay and amatory, threw off all restraint, and abandoned +herself to sexual enjoyment in a way she never did but twice again. + +She was simply dressed as was customary with servants in those days. +Soon I had her standing naked before me with but boots and stockings on. +And what a sight she was. Quite five feet eight high, stout, yet as it +seemed to me then, without a single part of her body either flabby +or shapeless, her skin was of such dazzling whiteness that her white +stockings looked dull by contrast, very light brown hair, which when +pulled out nearly hung to her waist, the hair of her cunt and arm-pits +in quantity of a lighter golden brown; all looked much darker than their +true colour, against the dazzling whiteness of the skin. Ample calves +and thighs, breasts firm as ivory, her arms to match in plumpness and +whiteness, her hands alone discoloured by work, looked dark against the +rest of her glorious person. I recollect this all well, and that at that +time I disliked light-haired women: but in her suddenly, the light hair +appeared to me lovely. + +She changed in manner that day from a condescending matron, to a +lover of my own age; had the complacency of a gay woman, tempered with +modesty. I had no notion of baudily posturing women which I learned +in after life, but had an innate love and perception of all that +was beautiful, and began placing her in attitudes favorable to the +contemplation of her charms. She complied with all; from belly to side, +from side to back I turned her; she smiled as if pleased, curious, and +astonished; and when I turned to quench my passion in her, she met me +with an ardour less demonstrative, but more stifling and satisfying +than Charlotte; it was a worry to think that I had twice fucked her, and +seemed to have finished each time before I had began fucking. + +The firmness of her flesh impressed me, whether I put my finger between +the cheeks of her arse or between her thighs, I could with difficulty +get it away; she could have cracked a nut between either. The next +wonder was the hair of her cunt, which was long but curly; I now see +that she could not have pissed without wetting it, which accounted +for her always what we youths used to call mopping it, after she had +piddled. The cunt looked twice as big as Charlotte's, but the prick-hole +seemed to me smaller; and whether my finger or my prick was in it, +seemed to grasp it tightly. My prepuce used to give me then at times +pain just before, or when I spent in Charlotte; in Mary I scarcely +seemed to feel it, and afterwards a quiet sort of grinding of her cunt, +prolonged my pleasure until my penis left it. I was so new to the work, +that all those differences impressed me, I compared and thought of them +constantly. + +She gave no violent writhes, nor twists, nor jerked her arse, nor +wriggled as she spent, but just as my short thrusts came on, her belly +used gradually to heave up and grow into mine; her cunt almost seemed to +be sucking my prick, whilst it throbbed and jetted its sperm into her; +my hardest thrusts never hurt; Charlotte used to complain if my prick +was too vigorous in her. Then when her pleasure was over; lolling her +tongue against mine, and sucking my very breath from me, she quietly +subsided; leaving me to lay in her, until with a kiss, she would gently +doze off with me in her arms. + +A taste had developed as said, which I have retained to the present +time. I loved to see a woman piddle, used to make Charlotte do it as +often as I could, to place my hand under the stream, and feel its splash +on my fingers; and if chance let me hear the rattle in a pot, or see a +woman rising up from the attitude, my prick used to stand. I did this +with her greatly to her astonishment, she resented it so much that I +never repeated it: singular that a woman who would let me lay and kiss +her cunt, or put finger and prick up it; should refuse to let me see the +water come from it--but so it was. + +Charlotte I loved, and used to feel as if she were part and parcel of +me for life, when I was up her, with Mary I thought of thighs, backside, +cunt, and her other parts, without much liking her beyond the desire of +spending in her. My impression is that I must have fucked that day, +as much as I ever did in my life on one day; my mother remarked that I +looked ill and worn out when I got home, and again fell on her favorite +belief that I was overstudying. How she could have permitted a young man +to be so often in the kitchen, and near to female servants, seems to me +a marvel of stupidity,--but she did. + +Nothing opens a man and woman's heart to each other like fucking. A +woman laying satisfied by your side, her cunt bedewed with your spunk, +with fingers touching your prick, and mouth fresh from contact with +yours; will tell you more than she will at any other time. She did that +day. She had thought me a mere boy, getting baudy with coming manhood, +and had liked me. My quiet, demure manner, made her imagine that such an +attack from me, was among the most improbable things; when I began +she made up her mind to leave, but then came the mystery,--there were +circumstances which rendered it needful for her to stay where she was, +if possible--what they were she would not say. My assault on her in the +bed-room and all that followed upset all her ideas, filled her mind +with images of lust and pleasure, and left that undefined sensation and +unsatisfied longing which is known as randiness. I suddenly seemed a man +to her. My spending in her hand upset her still more. I asked if that +had made her let me have her. She replied, "I gave up the self denial +of years, abandoned my intentions, and let you do it; when you pushed +me into the garden parlour I intended to let you as I went in, I had not +quite intended before." + +There was the greatest difficulty after that day in getting her, for my +mother seemed always in my way, and objected to my being in the kitchen. +Mary never helped me as Charlotte used, as cook indeed she could not. +She ran no risks, and was never in a hurry, so where I had Charlotte +half a dozen times, I could scarcely get Mary once. + +She met me out again, and in a fortnight asked for another holiday. It +astonished my mother, for more than a year she scarcely had gone out, +and never had taken a whole holiday. What another day of ballock-ing it +was, in that old, snug, baudy house--but we had a quarrel there. + +Even with my inexperience, I knew she was different from Charlotte +at the first poke. I used in my mind to compare the differences. +Charlotte's curiosity, the manifest novelty of fucking to her, even for +a couple of months after her splitting and bleeding; was so different +from the steady, quiet, well satisfied way with which Mary copulated. +Pondering over this, I wondered if she had been done before, how often, +and by how many, or had I been the first? The idea of asking her was +always floating through my brain. That day I said to her as her face was +towards mine on the pillow, and I was toying with her bubbies, "I wonder +who had you before me." She sat up, looked me steadily in the face, and +replied, "You have no right to ask me, you are not my husband." "But +tell me." "I shall not, it is an impertinence; how can a youth like you +know anything about first or second." I blurted out, "Because when first +I did it to Char--" the name was almost out of my mouth, but I stopped +in time, "when I first had a young woman (correcting myself), I could +not easily get into her, it tore my prick, and she bled." "Who was it?" +said she. "Oh! a young woman." "But who was it?" I did not reply. "Was +it Charlotte?" and she looked me hard and full in the face. "No," said +I. "Now was it? Tell me," said she bending over, kissing and coaxing me. +"No, it was not." "I believe it was, you once said she was young, and +had dark brown hair--it was she." In vain I denied it. "I felt sure it +was, and with a youth like you! Is it possible you can have harmed that +nice girl! What a wretched, wicked lot you all are, you will be as bad +as the others." Then she suddenly said, "Mind, you have sworn solemnly +never to mention to any living soul about me; oh! once forget yourself, +and it's all up with a woman." Then she laid down, again her manner +became quiet and voluptuous--another fuck followed. I again tried the +question. She settled me by saying, "If ever you ask me that question +again, I will not let you have me afterwards," and I never did ask her +that I can recollect until just before she felt us. + +But she for some time after asked ME questions about my first woman, +"was she tall? were her teeth as good as hers?" and so on. How far she +satisfied herself that it was Charlotte, she never said; for I +don't recollect that she mentioned her name again, and I gave wrong +descriptions; but may have got more information than I meant her to +have, as she asked me at odd times when I was off my guard. + +A third time, to the still greater surprise of my mother, she took a +holiday. We spent it at the house, and she exhausted me and herself. For +a day or two afterwards she gave me every chance at home, and we fucked +furiously. She took to calling me a dear fellow, when her tongue was +not against mine, but which was always the case when our mouths got +together; and I imagine now, must have been a greater luxury to her than +it was then to me. Soon after she received several letters which I said +were from her lover. "I wish they were," said she. Then she took ill, +and when better, refused me altogether. I had opportunities, but she +would not. I said I wished I had never seen her; she said she wished so +too, for she was fond of me, although it was ridiculous at her age +and mine. Afterwards when mother was one evening at the bottom of the +garden, Eliza gone out to the library. I seized Mary as she closed the +shutters; kissing and begging her. She opened her thighs, my fingers +were on her clitoris; she kissing me at intervals said: "Oh! no, oh! I +can't, dear--I dare not--Walter, Walter, you must not; I am a married +woman, and am going home to my husband most likely." + +Soon afterwards she told me her history. Married seven years previously, +her husband became dissipated and unfaithful; and from being a +well-to-do tradesman, brought himself to the condition of a labourer. +She forgave him until he gave her a disease, then she left him as she +had threatened to do. Nothing he could say would induce her to have +anything more to do with him. "Is there anything about me that a man +could not be satisfied with for years?" she asked, as if I were a judge. + +She went home to her mother. He appears to have been fond of her. Love +of women was his great fault; but the disease so set her against him, +that all his entreaties were useless. Nevertheless she was his wife, and +getting into the mother's house one day, when she was alone (Mary), he +fucked her with violence--and violent it must have been, for she was as +strong as a horse. Directly afterwards she left and went to service in +London, confiding only her address to her mother, taking a false name, +and writing him, that if ever he found her out and annoyed her, she +would go abroad. Her husband made the mother a sort of promise to keep +steady for three months, but failed in doing so, went to America, had +never ceased to write affectionate letters which came to her through +her mother, and had recently written to say he had made a large sum of +money, and was coming home. He had sent money home to the mother with +instructions to settle it on Mary how she liked, provided she would +come back to him. Afterwards she showed me his letters; they were well +written, and in a style above a man of his position in life. + +She had lived in service ever since; with us she had then been a year +and a half, and had had but two other places. One she left because +a grown up son began to pay her too much attention. At the other the +master--a married man--made love to her, and one day tried to force her. +I know the last place, it was about three miles from us. + +This news came like a cold bath on me. It suited my taste to have a +woman in the house. The idea of losing her was terrible. She refused +me my pleasures. I doubted her truth at times, but whenever I did, she +would fetch a letter as proof saying, "Now will you believe me?" She +refused to say where her home had been, and what her real name was. I +used to try to make out the postmark on her letters, but could not. They +were negligent in those days in such matters, and postage was dear. + +And now I again asked if she had had any other but her husband and me; +by all that was holy she declared she had not. "How came you to let me?" +"God in heaven knows!" said she, "months ago if anyone had said such a +thing was possible, I should have said it was ridiculous; I only thought +of you as a tall boy, but that day I felt that my life was passing away +without the pleasures of a woman; what you did kneeling down in the +kitchen upset me, then I let you; though I thought I should ruin myself +by doing so." + +She cared but little for her husband, for he had caused her to lead the +life of a widow for years. "Suppose I had done anything wrong," said +she, "and he had found it out, he would have cast me away; but you men +can do what you like, and we poor women have to submit." "But why go +back?" "Four months ago I would not have done so, but you have made me +find out I am a woman after all; you will understand that better as you +grow older. Not many would have kept chaste as I have done until that +night. Now I mistrust myself. I am getting fond of you, but what could +come of it? And if anything came to the ears of my mother and friends, +who are respectable, I should drown myself. I have got plenty of will of +my own, although I am quiet." + +"You don't care much about poking?" + +"I have had my wants, but suppressed them," she replied. "What did you +do?" "Oh!" said she in an off hand way, "what other unmarried women do, +I suppose." "Frigged yourself." She gave a nod and said, "And not often +that." I thought of what Charlotte had told me, but held my tongue. + +I tried to get at her at intervals, but it was no use. "It's caprice," +said I with my prick out, "you let me when I wanted it three weeks ago, +why not now?" "I can't,--I dare not,--it might be certain ruin now." +"What does a fellow care about ruin, when his hand is outside a cunt, +and his prick is like an iron rod?" Twice as strong as me, she could +at all times have escaped me, unless sexual desire was strong on her; +desire gives a man force, but it takes away a woman's force. She rose +up, nor would she continue talking, until I had buttoned up my prick and +promised not to touch her; that done, she said, "Would you wish to ruin +me? You might if I let you, I have been very ill as you know, was in the +family way, my monthlies stopped, and I have brought them on. When I was +in trouble that way, I let you do what you like, now I am going home, +what would become of me if I were in the family way then?" This explained +all. + +I had never given her a present, I never gave Charlotte one; having then +so little money. I never thought about it. I had now more, and offered +to give her some if she wanted any. She showed me a saving-bank's book. +She had got nearly fifty pounds. I bought a pair of gold earrings for +her, it was the first present I had even given a woman, and she was much +pleased. I had I think some vague notion, that it would induce her to +let me have her; but if so, I was deceived. + +Mother seemed to be keeping at home to baulk me. My chemicals had +been taken back into the garden parlour. I knew she wanted to go to my +aunt's; but one morning it was too hot, then it rained, and so on. How I +restrained myself from frigging I don't know, for I used to walk up and +down my bed-room with my prick out stiff, and looking at it; at length a +chance came--my last. + +Mother went to aunt's, the ugly housemaid said, "As Master Tom wont be +at home, do you mind my going out for a couple of hours?" "No," said my +mother, "when the cook is ready." "Please will you tell the cook Mamm," +said she, "or she wont let me go." I had then a tutor in mathematics who +came on that day, but promised to fetch mother home. I had many times +broken my promises to do so, to enable me to get at Mary. Mother said, +"I hope you mean what you say, you are getting a man, and should never +break your word." Anxious to know when the housemaid would go; I asked +her. "I am not going till five o'clock, sir," said she, "unless you +particularly want the books," "That will be too late, for I am to fetch +mamma home,--never mind." + +I finished with my tutor, and out I went. But at about five o'clock came +home near to the house, wondering if the housemaid had gone, (Mary I had +not spoken a word to), waited in sight of the house, and at last saw +a form I guessed to be the housemaid's, going off fast towards the +village; five minutes afterwards I knocked, and Mary opened the door. +Said she, "What brings you home?" I said I was unwell, had a bad cold, +could not go for my mother, would go to bed, would she fetch me a +foot-bath, and went to my bed-room. I had been two days planning the +thing, an old dodge it was though. + +It was hot and quite light, but I drew down the blinds, undressed and +put on my nightgown; she brought the bath, we talked. She had not heard +from her mother again, it was strange,--was she being played with? It +took weeks then to get to America. I kissed and got closer to her, we +were on the edge of the bed; I spoke of our meetings and our pleasures, +she avoided the subject, said I should take cold, prayed me to have +the foot-bath and go to bed. Gradually I got my hand on her thighs, how +could she help it?--a woman who had been fucked by me a lot of times. +But she was firm in refusing me. I lifted my night-shirt, my prick stood +up, the shirt hanging at the back of it like clothes on the hook of a +prop,. Finding that useless, I threatened to frig myself and began the +operation. She said I ought to be ashamed of myself, that she would +leave if I did not desist, and turned to go, when I pulled her on to the +bed. Soon my fingers were on her slit, her fingers on my prick. "I dare +not let you,--oh! pray!" she said, but she was vanquished, silent, and +tranquilly laid down on the bed; nature was too strong for her. + +I lifted her chemise, had a glimpse of the lovely plump calves, and +large, fleshy thighs, as I threw myself impetuously upon her. My belly +closed with hers, and pushing my knuckles through the hairs, I guided my +prick towards her cunt, but alas! too late. The long abstinence and +the excitement were too much for me; just as my fingers opened the +cunt-lips, and my prick touched her cunt, throb--throb--gush--gush, and +over my fingers, over her thighs, into the thicket of hair, on to the +clitoris, on to the smooth, round bum-cheeks below--anywhere--everywhere +excepting the right place, my sperm spurted out: and only the last drop +remained just as I buried my prick in her. Then instead of meeting her +humid tongue with mine, I sank on her breast kissing, yet damning and +cursing like a dragoon, at my spoiled pleasure,--I had spent out of +sheer copiousness of spunk, and excitement. + +Said she, "It is as well as it is, get off." I made no reply, hoping my +sexual force would return, for my prick was in her sheath. She moved to +release herself. Stronger far than me, she could in any other attitude +have easily done so; but the most difficult position for a woman to +disengage herself from a man, is when he is on the top of her, well +between her thighs, and clasping her backside tightly. As she moved +there was no strong will in it; how could it be otherwise? She in the +prime of life had been without it for weeks, nature was pleading for me, +my prick was in her, my spunk all about her. To gain time I promised to +get off in a minute. "Kiss me." Our mouths and tongues met. It was like +magic. A voluptuous throb passed through both of us, my prick stiffened +to the full, a sympathetic grind of her cunt responded; again we were in +the full tide of pleasure, fucking and spending together, the future was +forgotten as we sunk quietly down. I had spent twice without uncunting; +scarcely was it over than she pushed me off, and washed out her cunt in +my foot-bath. + +We sat on the side of the bed kissing and feeling each other, it was +like the old time, the door wide open to hear the street door knocks. +When the housemaid knocked, into bed I got; an hour afterwards home came +my mother and into my bed-room. She approved of the hot foot-bath, but +insisted on my taking a febrifuge. To keep up the sham, I took it, Mary +brought it and stood by, whilst my mother gave it to me; my prick was +again standing like a prop at the sight of Mary, and as my mother pulled +the bed-clothes over me, she might, if she had had eyes, seen my prick +pushing them almost up. + +Next morning she gave notice to leave. I never had her again. On one or +two occasions I felt her, and if there had been more time might perhaps +have had her. At the end of a fortnight she told me that her monthlies +were all right. From that day she resolutely refused to even let me feel +her. "I don't much care about going back," said she; "I don't think I +shall be happy, but I do it for the best; at all events I shall have a +home." The day before she went she said, "Goodbye, God bless you, you +are a good fellow," but you will play mischief with many a poor girl +here before you have done. "I like you very much, and shall always think +of you." I never heard of her after, and with her, passed from me the +woman who is still in my recollection as one of the most beautiful, and +perfect in form; as one who gave me the greatest sexual pleasure,--but I +was of course very young and inexperienced. + +My mother remarked that she was the most trustworthy servant she ever +had; but that there was a mystery about her. Her boxes were labelled +for a place that the coach would not take her to, and her boxes were not +like a servant's. "I think she has been crossed in love and ran away," +said mother. Said I, "Perhaps she had gone off with a bobby," it was a +current joke then, policemen not having been long invented. My mother +said in her severe way, "She is a virtuous woman, a youth like you +should not utter ignorant jokes about women, especially about the +humbler classes, to whom good reputation is everything." I began to see +plainer than ever, that I could humbug mother after that. + +Many of our conversations are told here in her very words, others as +nearly as I can recollect them. I have often wondered at the way this +woman behaved to me, talked to me, and all about her. The circumstances +as they occurred, even at the time seemed peculiar; I felt as if I was +wicked in getting into her, almost as if I was going to poke my mother; +but I cannot attempt to analyze motives or sensations, I simply narrate +facts. Certain it is, that I never have had a woman who in behaviour +resembled Mary, in manner, conversation, and general behaviour,--I +always felt as if she were a superior person to me, as if she were +obliging me and not herself, and was putting me under an obligation, by +letting me fuck her. + +Again lonely, I not only wanted cunt, but also the society of a +woman, it was so sweet to see and talk, to some one I fucked; to do so +secretly, was an additional charm, and I used to feel quite sad. I was +then about in my eighteenth year. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + At the Manor house.--Fred's amours.--Sarah and Mary.--What + drink and money does.--My second virgin.--My first whore.-- + Double fucking.--Gamahucking.--Minette.--A belly up and + down. + +One aunt as said lived in H...shire, a widow; her son, my cousin Fred, +was preparing for the Army. I wanted a change, and went by advice to +stay there. Fred was a year older than me, wild and baudy to the day +of his death, he talked from boyhood incessantly about women. I had not +seen him for some time, and he told me of his amours, asking me about +mine. I let him know all, without disclosing names; he told me in nearly +the words, that it was "a lie," for he had heard my mother say, that +I was the steadiest young fellow possible, and she could trust me +anywhere. This, coupled with my quiet look, and the care I took not to +divulge names, made him disbelieve me; but I disclosed so many facts +about women's nature, that he was somewhat astonished. He told me what +he had done, about having had the clap, and what to do if I got it; then +he had seduced a cottager's daughter on the estate; but his description +of the taking, did not accord with my limited experience. One day he +pointed the girl out to me at the cottage door, and said he now had her +whenever he wanted. + +She was a great coarse wench, whom he had seen in my aunt's fields. He +had caught her piddling on one side of a hedge; she saw him looking at +the operation from a ditch, and abused him roundly for it; it ended +in an acquaintance, and his taking her virginity one evening on a +hay-cock,--that was his account of it. + +Her father was a labourer on my aunt's estate, the girl lived with him +and a younger sister, her name was Sarah; he expatiated on her charm +from backside to bubbies, but it was soon evident to me, that with this +woman it was no money, no cunt; for he borrowed money of me to give her. +I had squeezed money out of my aunt, my guardian and mother, and had +about ten pounds,--a very large sum for me then, so I lent him a few +shillings. + +He had his shove as he called it, and triumphantly gave me again such +account of his operations, and the charms of the lady, that I who +had been some time without poking, wondered if the girl would let me; +arguing to myself, he gives her money--my girls never wanted money,--why +should his? He had been dinning into my ears, that all women would let +men for money, or presents, or else from lust. "Kiss and grope, and if +they don't cry out, show them your prick and go at them." These maxims +much impressed me. + +"Fred," said my aunt at breakfast, "ride over to Brown about his rent, +you will be sure to find him at the corn market," and she gave him other +commissions at the market town. I promised to ride with him, but had +been tortured with randiness about this great wench of his; so made some +excuse, and as soon as he was well off, sauntered towards the cottage, +which was about half a mile from the Hall. + +It was one of a pair in a lane. Scarcely anyone passed them excepting +people on my aunt's lands. One was empty. The girl was sweeping in front +of the cottage, the door was wide open. I gave her a nod, she dropped a +respectful curtsey. Looking round and seeing no one, I said, "May I come +in and rest, for it is hot and I am tired?" "Yes sir," said she, and in +I went, she giving me a chair; then she finished her sweeping. Meanwhile +I had determined to try it on. "Father at home?" "No sir, he be +working in the Seven-Acre field." "Where is your sister?" "At mill, +sir"--meaning a paper mill. I thought of Fred. It was my first offer, +and scarcely knew how to make it, but chucking her under the chin said, +"I wish you would let me--" "What, sir?" "Do it to you," said I boldly, +"and I will give you five shillings," producing the money; I knew it was +what Fred gave her usually. + +She looked at me and the five shillings, which was then more than her +wages for a week's work in the fields, burst into laughter and said, +"Why, who would have thought a gentleman from the Hall would say that +to a poor girl like me." "Let me do it," said I hurredly, "if you wont I +must go--I will give you seven and six pence." "You wont tell the young +squire?" said she--meaning Fred. "Of course not." She went to the door, +looked both ways, then at the clock, shut the door and bolted it without +another word. + +The house consisted of a kitchen, a bed-room, leading out of it, and +a wash-house. She opened the bedroom door, there were two beds which +almost filled the room; at the foot of one was a window, by its side a +wash-stand. She got on to the largest bed saying, "Make haste." I pulled +up her clothes to her navel and looked. "Oh! make haste," said she. +But I could not, it was the third cunt I had seen, and I paused to +contemplate her. Before me lay a pair of thick, round thighs, a large +belly, and a cunt covered with thick brown hair, a dirty chemise round +her waist, coarse woolen blue stockings darned with black, and tied +below the knees with list, thick hob-nailed boots. The bed beneath was +white and clean, which made her things look dirtier; it was different +to what I had been accustomed to. I looked too long, "Better make haste, +for father will be home to dinner," said she. + +I put my hand to her cunt, she opened her thighs, and I saw the cleft, +with a pair of lips on each side like sausages, a dark vermillion strong +clitoris sloped down and hid itself between the lips, in the recesses of +the cock-trap; the strong light from the window enabled me to see it as +plainly as if under a microscope. I pushed my finger up, then my cock +knocked against my belly, asking to take the place of my finger, and so +up I let it go. No sooner was I lodged in her, than arse, cunt, thighs +and belly, all worked energetically, and in a minute I spent. Just as +I pulled out, her cunt closed round my prick with a strong muscular +action, as if it did not wish the warm pipe withdrawn, a movement of the +muscles of the cunt alone, and it drew the last drop of lingering sperm +out of me. + +I got on my knees, contemplating the sausage lips half open, from which +my sperm was oozing, and then got off sorry it had been so quick a +business. She laid without moving and looking kindly at me said, "Ye may +ha me agin an yer loike." "But your father will be home?" "In half an +hour," said she. "I don't think I can," said I. Such coolness in a woman +was new to me, I scarcely knew what to make of it. She got hold of my +tool, I had not had a woman for some time, soon felt lust entering my +rod again, and sought her cunt with my hands. She opened her legs wider +in a most condescending manner and I began feeling it. I was soon fit, +which she very well knew, for immediately with a broad grin on her face +she pulled me on to her and put my prick in her cunt herself, lodging it +with a clever jerk of her bum, a squeeze, and a wriggle. + +I fucked quietly, but it was now her turn; she heaved and wriggled +so that once she threw my prick out of her, but soon had it in again. +"Shove, shove," said she suddenly, and I shoved with all my might, she +clipped my arse so tightly that she must have left the marks of her +fingers on it, then with a close wriggle and a deep sigh, she lay still, +her face as red as fire, and left me to finish by my own exertions. + +I felt the same squeeze of the cunt as I withdrew, one of those +delicious contraction which women of strong muscular power in their +privates can give; not all can do it. Those who cannot never can +understand it. Those who can, will make a finger sensible of it's grip, +if put up their cunts. + +She got up, and tucked her chemise between her legs to dry her split, +she did not wash it. "I am always alone," said she, "between eight and +twelve just now," and as any woman just then answered my wants, I made +opportunities, and I had her again two or three times, till a rare bit +of luck occurred to me. + +We were in the bed-room one hot day; to make it cooler I took off +trowsers and drawers, laid them on a chair, carefully rolled my shirt up +round my waist, so as to prevent spunk falling upon it, and thus +naked from my boots to waist, laid myself on the top of my rollicking, +belly-heaving, rump-wriggling country lass. + +I always gave her five shillings before I began; she had taken a letch +for me, or else being hot cunted, and not getting it done to her often, +dearly liked my poking her; and seeming to want it that day unusually, +began her heaving and wriggling energetically. We were well on towards +our spend, when with a loud cry of "Oh! my God!" she pushed me off, and +wriggled to the bedside. I got off, and saw a sturdy country girl of +about fifteen or sixteen years, standing in the bed-room door looking at +us with a broad grin, mixed with astonishment, upon her face. + +For an instant nobody spoke. Then the girl said with a malicious grin, +"pretty goings on Sarah, if fearther knowed un--" "How dare you stand +looking at me?" said Sarah. "It's my room as well as yourn," said +Martha, for that was her name; and nothing further was said then. But +Martha's eyes fixed on me as I sat naked up to my waist with my prick +wet, rigid, red, throbbing, and all but involuntarily jerking out its +sperm. I was in that state of lust, that I could have fucking anything +in the shape of a cunt, and scarcely knew in the confusion of the +moment, where I was, and what it was all about. Sarah saw my state, and +began pulling down my shirt. "Go out of the room," said she to her +sister. "Damn it I will finish, I will fuck you," said I making a snatch +at her cunt again. "Oh! for God's sake, don't sir," said she. With a +grin out went young sister Martha into the kitchen, and then Sarah began +to blubber, "If she tells fearther, he will turn me out into the +streets." + +"Don't be a fool," said I, "why should she tell?" "Because we are bad +friends." "Has she not done it?" "No, she is not sixteen." "How do you +know she has not?" "Why we sleep together and I know." "Who sleeps in +the other bed?" "Fearther." "In the same room?" "Yes." "Don't you know +anything against her?" "No, last hay-making I seed a young man trying +to put his hands up her clothes, that's all; she has only been a woman +a few months." If she tells of her, she will tell of me, I thought. It +might come to my aunt's ears, Fred would know, and I should get into a +scrape. + +"It is a pity she has not done it," said I, "for then she would not +tell." "I wish she had," she replied. One thing suggested another. "She +knows all about what we were doing?" Sarah nodded. "Get her to promise +not to tell, and get her to let me do it to her, and I will give you two +pounds," said I, taking the money out of my purse. + +It was more money than she had ever had in her life at one time, her +eyes glistened; she was silent a minute as if reflecting, then said, +"She has always been unkind to me, and she shant get me turned out if I +can help it." Then after farther talk, some hesitation, and asking me if +I was sure I would give her the money, she said, "I'll try, let's have +a jolly good drink, then I'll leave you together," and we went into the +kitchen. I saw her dodge. + +Martha was leaning, looking out of the window, her bum sticking out, her +short petticoats showing a sturdy pair of legs; she turned round to us, +it was about eleven o'clock in the day, the old man was at work far off +and had taken his dinner with him that day, Sarah had told me. + +"You won't tell father," said Sarah in a smooth tone. No reply but +a grin. "If you do, I will tell him I saw young Smith's hand up your +clothes." "It's a lie." + +"Yes, he did, and you know you have seen all he has got to show." "You +are a liar," said Martha. Sarah turned to me and said, "Yes, she did, +we both saw him leaking, and a dozen more chaps." "She saw their +cocks?" said I. "Yes." "You took me to see them, you bitch," said Martha +bursting out in a rage. "You did not want much taking, what did you say, +and what did you do in bed that night, when we talked about it?" "You +are a wicked wretch, to talk like that before a strange young man," said +Martha and bounced out of the cottage. + +In a short time she came in again, the oldest told me scandals she +knew about her sister, and made her so wild, that they nearly fought. I +stopped them, they made it up, and I sent off the eldest to fetch shrub, +gin and peppermint; it was a good mile to the tavern in the village. + +When she had gone I told Martha I hoped she would do no mischief. She +was nothing loath to let me kiss her, so there was soon acquaintance +between us. She had seen me half naked, how long she had been watching I +knew not, but it was certain she had seen me shoving as hard as I could +between the naked thighs of her sister, and that was well calculated +to make her randy and ready for the advances of a man. "Here is five +shillings, don't say anything my dear." "I won't say nothing," said she +taking the money. Then I kissed her again, and we talked on. + +"How did you like him feeling you?" I asked, "was he stiff?" No reply. +"Was it not nice when he got his hand on your thigh?" Still no reply. +"You thought it nice when in bed, Sarah says." "Sarah tells a wicked +story," she burst out. "What does she tell?" "I don't know." "I will +tell you my dear; you talked about Smith's doodle and the other men's +you saw pissing." "You are the gentleman from London stopping at the +Hall," she replied, "so you had better go back and leave us poor girls +alone," and she looked out of the window again. + +"I am at the Hall," said I putting my hand round her waist, "and like +pretty girls," and I kissed her until she seemed mollified and said, +"What can you want in troubling poor girls like us?" "You are as +handsome as a duchess, and I want you to do the same as they do." "What +is that?" said she innocently. "Fuck," said I boldly. She turned away +looking very confused. "You saw me on your sister, between her thighs, +that was fucking; and you saw this," at the same time pulling out my +prick, "and now I am going to feel your cunt." + +I put my hand up her clothes and tried to feel, but she turned round, +and after a struggle half squatted on the floor to prevent me. The +position was favorable, I pushed her sharply half on to her back on the +floor, got my fingers on to her slit, and in a moment we were struggling +on the floor, she screaming loudly as we rolled about. + +She was nimble, got up and escaped me, but by the time her sister came +back, I had felt her bum, pulled her clothes up, and talked enough +baudiness; she had hollowed, cried, laughed, abused and forgiven me, for +I had promised her a new bonnet, and had given her more silver. + +Sarah brought back the liquors, there was but one tumbler and a mug, we +did with those; the weather was hot, the liquor nice, the girls drank +freely. In a short time they were both frisky, it got slightly into my +head; then the girls began quarrelling again, and let out all about each +other, the elder's object being to upset the younger one's virtue and +make her lewed. I began to get awfully randy, and told Sarah I had felt +her sister's cunt whilst she had been out. She laughed and said, "All +right, she will have it well felt some day, she's a fool if she don't." +We joked about my disappointment in the morning, I asked Sarah to give +me my pleasure then. "Aye," said she, "and it is pleasure, when Martha +has once tasted it, she will like it again." Martha very much fuddled, +laughed aloud saying, "How you two do go on." Then I put my hands up +Sarah's clothes. "Lord how stiff my prick is, look," and I pulled +it out, Martha saying, "I won't stand this," rushed from the room. I +thought she had gone, and wanted to have Sarah; but she thought of the +two pounds, and shutting Martha's mouth, "Try her," said she, "she must +have it some day, she'll come in soon." When the girl did, we went +on drinking. What with mixing gin, peppermint and rum shrub, both got +groggy, and Martha the worst. Then out went Sarah saying she must go to +the village to buy something, and she winked at me. + +She had whilst the girl was outside told me to bolt the front door, and +if by any chance her father came home, which was not likely; to get out +of the bed-room window,and through a hedge, which would put me out of +sight in a minute. Directly she was gone I bolted the door and commenced +the assault. Martha was so fuddled, that she could not much resist my +feeling her bum and thighs, yet I could not get her to go and lie down; +she finished the liquor, staggered, and then I felt her clitoris. + +I was not too steady, but sober enough to try craft where force failed. +I wanted to piss, and did, holding the pot so that she could see my cock +at the door, but she would not come into the bed-room. Then I dropped a +sovereign, and pretending I could not find it, asked her to help me; she +staggered into the bed-room laughing a drunken laugh. The bed was near, +I embraced her, said I would give her two sovereigns if she would get +on the bed with me. "Two shiners?" said she. "There they are," said I +laying them down. "No--no," but she kept looking at them. I put them +into her hand, she clutched them saying, "No--no," and biting one of her +fingers, whilst I began again tittillating her clitoris, she letting me. +From that moment I knew what money would do with a woman. Then I lifted +her up on to the bed, and lay down besides her. All her resistance was +over, she was drunk. + +I pulled up her clothes, she lay with eyes shut, breathing heavily, +holding the gold in her hand. I pulled open her legs, with scarcely any +resistance, and saw a mere trifle of hair on the cunt; the novelty +so pleased me, that I kissed it; then for the first time in my life I +licked a cunt, the spittle from my mouth ran on to it, I pulled open +the lips, it looked different from the cunts I had seen, the hole was +smaller. "Surely," thought I, "she is a virgin." She seemed fast asleep, +and let me do all I wanted. + +In after life, I should have revelled in the enjoyment of anticipation +before I had destroyed the hymen; but youth, want, liquor, drove me on, +and I don't remember thinking much about the virginity, only that the +cunt looked different from the two others I had known. The next instant +I laid my belly on hers. "Oh! you are heavy, you smother me," said she +rousing herself, "you're going to hurt me,--don't sir, it hurts," all in +a groggy tone and in one breath. I inserted a finger between the lips of +her quim, and tried gently to put it up, but felt an impediment. She had +never been opened by man. I then put my prick carefully in the nick, and +gave the gentlest possible movement (as far as I can recollect) to it. + +Her cunt was wet with spittle, I well wetted my prick, grasped her round +her bum, whilst I finally settled the knob of my tool against it, +then putting my other hand round her bum, grasped her as if in a +vice, nestled my belly to hers, and trembling with lust, gave a +hinge,--another,--and another. I was entering. In another minute it +would be all over with me, my sperm was moving. She gave a sharp "oh!" A +few more merciless shoves, a loud cry from her, my prick was up her, and +her cunt was for the first time wetted with a man's sperm; with short, +quiet thrusts I fell into the dreamy pleasure, laying on the top of her. + +Soon I rolled over to her side, to my astonishment she lay quite still +with mouth open, snoring, and holding the two sovereigns in her hand. +I gently moved to look at her; her legs were wide open, her gown and +chemise (all the clothing she had on) up to her navel, her cunt showed a +red streak, my spunk was slowly oozing out streaked with blood, a little +was on her chemise; but I looked in vain for the sanguinary effusion +which I saw on Charlotte's chemise, and on my shirt, when I first had +her; and from later experience, think that young girls do not bleed as +much as full grown women, when they loose their virginity. + +Her cunt as I found from ample inspection afterwards, was lipped like +her sister's, the hair, about half an inch long, scarcely covered the +mons, and only slightly came down the outer lips, her thighs were plump +and round, her calves big for her age; she was clean in her flesh, but +alas! thick blue stockings with holes and darns, big boots with holes at +the sides, a dirty ragged chemise, dark garters below the knees, made +an ugly spectacle compared with the clean whiteness of Charlotte's and +Mary's linen. + +But the sight took effect, my prick had her blood on it, quietly I +slid my finger up her cunt, it made her restless, she moved her legs +together, shutting my hand in them; she turned on her side, and showed +a plump white bum, over one side of which a long streak of bloody sperm +had run. I pulled her on to her back, then she awakened struggling and +called out loudly, but I was heavy on her, my prick at her cunt's mouth, +and I pushed it up until it could go no further, whilst she kept calling +out, I was hurting her. + +"Be quiet, I can't hurt you, my prick is right up you," said I beginning +the exercise. She made no reply, her cunt seemed deliriously small, +whenever I pushed deep, she winced as if in pain, I tried to thrust my +tongue into her mouth, but she resisted it. Suddenly she said, "Oh! go +away, Sarah will be home and find us." I had my second emission, and +went to sleep with my prick up her,--I was groggy. She slept also. + +I awakened, got up tired with heat, excitement, drink and fucking. She +got up, and sat on the side of the bed half sobered, but stupid; dropped +a sovereign, and did not attempt to pick it up. I did, and put it back +into her hands; she took it without saying a word. When buttoned up, I +asked her what she was going to do, but all the reply I could get was, +"You go now." I went into the kitchen, banged the door, but held the +latch, the door remained ajar, and I peeped through. + +She sat perfectly still so long, that I thought she was never going +to move; then sat down on the chair and laid her head against the bed, +looking at the sovereigns at intervals; then put them down, put her hand +up her petticoats carefully feeling her cunt, looked at her fingers, +burst into tears, sat crying for a minute or two, then put a basin with +water on to the floor, and unsteady, partially upset it, but managed to +wash, and got back on to the chair, leaving the basin where it was. Then +she pulled up the front of her chemise and looked at it, again put her +fingers to her cunt, looked at them, again began crying, and leaned her +head against the bed, all in a drowsy, tipsy manner. Whilst so engaged, +her sister knocked and I let her in; she looked at me in a funny way; I +nodded; she went into the bed-room and closed the door, but I heard most +of what was said. + +"What are you sitting there for?" No reply. "What's that basin there +for?" No reply. "You have been washing your grummit?" No reply. "What +have you been washing it for?" "I was hot." "Why, you have been on the +bed!" "No, I ain't." "You have, with he." "No, I ain't." "I know he +have, and been atop a you, just as he were atop on me this morning." +"No, he ain't." Then was a long crying fit. Sarah said, "What's the good +of crying you fool, no one ain't going to tell, I shant, and the old man +won't know." + +Then their voices dropped, they stood together, but I guessed she was +asking what I had given her. + +Then I went in. "You have done it to my sister," said Sarah. "No," said +I. "Yes, you have," and to Martha crying, "Never mind, its better to be +done by a gent, than by one of them mill-hands, I can't abear 'em; leave +off, don't be a fool." I went out of the room, Sarah followed me, and +I gave her the two sovereigns. "You know," she said, "some one would ha +done it to her; one of them mill-hands, or Smith would, he's alius after +her, and I knows he got his hands upon her." + +Fred went up to London next day, and I was at the cottage soon after; +the girls were there, the elder grinned, the younger looked queer, and +would not go to the bed-room. "Don't be a fool," said the elder, and +soon we were alone together there. Half force, half entreaty got her on +to the bed, I pulled up her clothes, forced open her legs, and lay for +a minute with my belly to hers in all the pleasure of anticipation, then +rose on my knees for a close look. My yesterday's letch seized me, I +put my mouth to her cunt and licked it, then put my prick up the tight +little slit and finished my enjoyment. + +Afterwards when I had her she was neat and clean underneath, although +with her every day's clothes on. She was frightened to put on her Sunday +clothes. She was a nice plump round girl, with a large bum for her size, +with pretty young breasts, and a fat-lipped little slit, the lining of +it instead of being a full red like Charlotte's, Mary's, and Sarah's +cunts, was of a delicate pink. I suppose is was that which attracted me. +Certain it is that I had never licked a cunt before, never had heard +of such a thing, though "lick my arse" was a frequent and insulting +invitation for boys to each other. + +I saw her nearly every day for a week, and her modesty was soon broken. +Sleeping in the same room with her father, accustomed to being in +the fields or at a mill, such girls soon loose it; but she seemed +indifferent to my embraces, and all the enjoyment was on my side. "I've +not much pleasure in that," said she, "but more when you put your tongue +there." I could not believe that was so in a young and healthy lass, but +being always in a hurry to get my poking done lest her father came home, +used to lick, put up her, spend quickly and leave; but she soon got to +rights. I licked so hard and long the next time I had her, at the side +of the bed; that all at once I felt her cunt moving, her thighs closed, +then relaxed, and she did not answer me. I looked up, she was laying +with eyes closed and said, that what I had done was nicer than anything. +I had gamahuched her till she spent. + +After that she spent like other women, when I had her. I tell this +exactly as I recollect it, and can't attempt to explain. She worked at a +paper mill, slack work was the reason of her being at home, now she was +going back to work; I feared a mill hand would get her, and offered to +pay her what she earned; but if she did not go to the mill, her father +would make her work in the fields, and she dare not let him see she had +money. + +Indeed the two sisters did not dare to buy the finery they wanted, +because they could not say how they got the money. So back to the mill +she went, it being arranged that she should stay away now and then, +for me to have her. "Oh! won't she," said Sarah "she takes to ruddling +natoral, I can tell you." Sarah said she told her everything I had done +to her, including the licking, and I felt quite ashamed of Sarah knowing +that I was so green, as I shall tell presently. + +Fred returned, and I had difficulty in getting her often. My cousins +walked out in the cool of the evening, I with them; often we passed the +cottage, and I made signs if I saw the girls. I sometimes then had her +upright in a small shed or by a hay-stack in the dark, where the hay +pricked my knuckles. + +Fred was soon to join his regiment, was always borrowing money of me +"for a shove," and never repaid me; but he was a liberal, good-hearted +fellow; and when in after life I was without money and he kept a woman, +he said, "You get a shove out of ------," meaning his woman, "she likes +you, and I shant mind, but don't tell me." I actually did fuck her; nor +did he ever ask me,--but that tale will be told hereafter. Nothing till +his death pleased him more than referring to our having looked at the +backside of his mother and at his sister's quims, he would roar with +laughter at it. He was an extraordinary man. + +One day we rode to the market-town; and putting up our horses, strolled +about. Fred said, "Let's both go and have a shove." "Where are the +girls?" said I. "Oh! I know, lend me some money." "I only have ten +shillings." "That is more than we shall want." We went down a lane past +the Town-Hall, by white-washed little cottages, at which girls were +sitting or standing at the doors making a sort of lace. "Do you see a +girl you like?" said he. "Why, they are lace-makers." "Yes, but some +of them fuck for all that; there is the one I had with the last +half-a-crown you lent me." Two girls were standing,-together; they +nodded. "Let's try them," said Fred. We went into the cottage; it was a +new experience to me. He took one girl, leaving me the other, I felt +so nervous; she laughed as Fred (who had never in his life a spark of +modesty), put his hands up her companion's clothes. That girl asked what +he was going to give her, and it was settled at half-a-crown each. Fred +then went into the back-room with his woman. + +I never had had a gay woman. A fear of disease came over me. She made +no advances, and at length feeling my quietness was ridiculous, I got my +hands up her clothes, pulling them up and looking at her legs. "Lord! I +am quite clean, sir," said she in a huff, lifting her clothes well up. +That gave me courage, I got her on to an old couch, and looked at her +cunt, but my prick refused to stand; her being gay upset me. She laid +hold of my prick, but it was of no use. "What is the matter with you?" +said she, "don't you like me?" "Yes, I do." "Have you ever had a girl?" +I said I had. Fred who had finished, bawled out, "Can't we come in?" +This upset me still more, and I gave it up. In Fred and his girl came, +and he said, "There is water in the other room." I went in and feigned +to wash myself, and hearing them all laughing, felt ashamed to come out, +thinking they were laughing about me; though such was not the case, it +was because Fred was beginning to pull about my woman. + +I had more money than I had told Fred, and when he said he was thirsty, +offered to send for drink, thinking my liberality would make amends for +my impotence. Gin and ale was got; then I began to feel as if I could do +it. "She's got a coal-black cunt," said Fred, and I seemed to fancy his +woman; then he said to mine, "What colour is yours?" and began to lift +her clothes; "let's change and have them together," and we went at once +into the back room, whither the two girls had gone. One was piddling, +Fred pulled her up from the pot, shoved her against the side of the bed, +bawling out, "You get the other," and pulled out his prick stiff and +ready. An electric thrill seemed to go through me at this sight, I +pulled the other into the same position by the side of Fred's; then the +girls objected, but Fred hoisted up his girl and plunged his prick into +her. Mine got on to the bed, leaving me to pull up her clothes. The same +fear came over me, and I hesitated; Fred looked and laughed, I pulled +up her clothes, saw her cunt; fear vanished, the next moment I was into +her, and Fred and I, side by side, were fucking. + +All four were fucking away like a mill, then we paused and looked at +our pricks, as they alternately were hidden and came into sight from the +cunts. Fred put out his hand to my prick, I felt his, but I was coming; +my girl said, "Don't hurry." It was too late, I spent, laid my head upon +her bosom, and opening my eyes, saw Fred in the short shoves. The next +instant he lay his head down. + +I believe now that really all four felt ashamed for directly after we +were all so quiet, one of the girls remarked, "Blest if I ever heard +of such a thing afore, you Lunnon chaps are a bad lot." A long time +afterwards I again had the girl for two and sixpence, Fred was then in +Canada; she recollected me well, and asked me, whether gals and chaps +usually did such things together in London. + +Fred and I used to examine our pricks for a few days after, to see if +there were any pimples on them. Fred soon forgot his fear and shame, and +offered to bet me the fee of the gals, that he would finish first, if we +went and repeated the affair, but we did not. + +Martha became very curious about me and my doings with Sarah. New to +fucking as she was; she got jealous at the idea of anyone sharing my +cock with her. She was curious too to know about her sister's pleasure; +the elder had I think got all she wanted to know from the younger, and +had made but little return for it in information. + +Then my amatory knowledge was increased by an event unlooked for, +unthought of, unpremeditated; I am quite sure I had neither heard, nor +read of such a thing before; and should at that period of my life have +scouted the idea, as beastly and abominable, though I had done it. How +I came to lick Martha's cunt even then astonished me, I thought that it +was the small size, the slight hair, and youthfulness of the article; +but I used to lick it very daintily, wiping my mouth, spitting +frequently, and never venturing beyond the clotoris. It occurred to me +one day instead of kneeling, to lay down and lick; so I laid on the +bed, my head between her thighs, my cock not far from her mouth, and +indulging her in the luxury; for it was much the idea of pleasing her +that made me do it. She played with my cock and wriggled as my tongue +played over her clotoris, then grasped my prick hard, which gave me a +premonitory throb of pleasure. "Do to me what I am doing to you," said +I, "put it in your mouth," scarcely knowing what I said and without any +ulterior intention. She with her pleasure getting intense, impelled by +curiosity, or by the fascination of the cock, or by impulse, the result +of my tongue on her cunt, took it in her mouth instantly. How far my +prick went in, whether she sucked, licked, or simply let it enter, I +know not, and I expect she did not either; but as she spent I felt a +sensation resembling the soft friction of a cunt, and instantly shot my +sperm into her mouth and over her face. Up she got, calling me a beast. +I was surprised and ashamed of this unlooked for termination, and said +so to her. + +I had as said arranged signs as I passed the cottage about our meetings, +yet had difficulty now in getting at her without being found out, and +never should, excepting for the elder sister, to whom I gave every now +and then money. She took care of the house, rarely went out, but worked +at a coarse of lace, and earned money that way. She used to sit outside +the cottage door if fine; working, and curtseying when we, who were +called the Hall folks, passed. My aunt said one day, "What a strapping +wench that is, don't you think so Walt? you always look at her as you +pass." I might have replied, "Yes she is, and her arse is remarkably +like yours," but I did not, and was after that more on my guard. Fred +had not had the girl for a long time, that freed me a little. Then +Martha shammed ill two days to stay from the mill and let me have her, +and I spent a good many hours with her. As I turned my head quickly one +day, I thought I saw the bed-room door close, and it occurred to me, +that the elder had been watching; she looked letcherously at me as I +came out. + +I went one day soon after, and found Sarah alone. She made some excuse +about her sister being obliged to go to work. I was going away angry, +when she asked me to look at her new boots and stockings. Amused at +her vanity, I looked and she put them on. "Them fits fine," said she, +showing her legs amply. I was not excited about it, and was going. +"Ain't you never going to ha me agin?" said she. "I've no money." "We +are old friends, never mind money, if I hadn't got you Martha we moight +ha been good friends still,--ar wish a hadn't." "You did it to save us," +said I. "Ah, but yer shouldn't leave old friends, and I ha watched and +made yer both comfortable." Well, thought I, this is an invitation to +fucking,--she had a wonderful slip in her cunt, and I began to rise. +"You have lots of friends," said I. "I take my oath, that no friend has +seen me since the day you got my sister; ain't I been allus on watch for +yer, did yer ever pass without seeing me?" + +A woman who wants fucking is not easy to resist, even if she is ugly and +middle-aged. There she sat, the picture of health, her petticoats nearly +up to her knees; I had never before seen them excepting in coarse blue +woolen stockings. I rolled her clothes up, saw the big thighs, the next +instant had my fingers in the slit; up knocked my doodle. She shut the +shutter, locked the door, and with a pleased look got on to the bed. Her +cunt struck me as quite a novelty, and I got ready for insertion. + +"You like her better than me," said she. It was a poser, but a man +always likes the woman he is going to poke better than any other, and so +I denied it. "Why don't you do to me what you do to she then?" "What +is that?" "You knows." "No." "Yes you do." "I feel it like this." "More +than that." "What?" "You know." "I don't, tell me." There was a pause. +It came into my head that she knew I had licked Martha's quim, and it +had such an effect on me, that down went my doodle, and I was almost +ashamed to look at her; for as said, until I licked Martha, I had never +done such an act, and did it with a sort of belief that I was a great +beast, and should have said so of any man who did anything of the sort. +Indeed after spending in her mouth, I had felt so very much disgusted +with myself, that I left off the licking altogether, and had made the +girl promise she would never tell her sister, nor refer to the matter +again. So I was silent, standing with one hand on her belly just above +her split, and in an uncomfortable state of mind. + +She broke the silence. "Do it as you do it to she." "I don't know what +you mean," I again stammered. "Yes yer do now." "What has Martha told +you?" "Nothing, but I knows." And finding I was about to get on the bed, +"Naw, naw, kiss it." So I put my mouth down on to the hair and gave a +loud kiss. "Naw," said she, "do it as you do it to she, I am a finer +woman than she by long chalks; what is't yer sees to take to her so? you +knows you tickles her with yer tongue." The murder was out. I wanted to +mount her, she baulked me, and kept repeating in a jockular, playful, +manner her request. So I got her to the side of the bed, her large +thighs wide open, and legs hanging down in a favorable position, +intending to please her; she gave her cunt a dry rub with her chemise. + +I began with dislike, but there was something in the novelty which +warmed me. What a difference between her and her sister. I could lick +the younger one's all but hairless orifice with comfort, and she always +laid quiet; but I had to pull open this one's sausage lips and hold back +the dark thick fringe, which got into my eyes and tickled my nose. No +sooner had my tongue touched her clitoris, than the lips closed round my +mouth, and as my saliva worked up on to the cunt-hair by her movement, +it wetted my nose and face, she heaved and bounced her arse so much. +Then her thighs closed round my head tightly enough to squeeze it off, +she buried her hands in the hair of my head, and up went cunt again, +bringing my nose into the hole, then with a jerk she got her cunt away +from me. I was not at all sorry to desist. + +"Oh! do it natural,--do it natural," said she, and her thighs opened and +hung down, showing a slobbered cunt. I went into her just as she lay at +the side of the bed, and in a minute her cunt was wetter than ever. + +I have no doubt that the wench spent almost directly I licked her, but +I did not know it. When I asked her if she liked it, she said, "The +old fashioned way be the best, but I have done the same as she." I +questioned her, but never knew whether her sister had told her or not, +or whether she had peeped and seen us together at it. + +I made her promise she would never tell her sister what I had done. She +hoped I would see her again, but having promised Martha that I would not +have Sarah again, told her so. She said she was tired of watching for +us. The sisters were often quarrelling, and I believe out of jealousy +about me, yet I fucked her again. + +I may mention about the risks I ran, that I was once with Martha on the +bed, when I heard my cousin's voice asking Sarah who was at the door, if +she had seen me pass. + +I could not get the younger readily enough, had been long from home, and +was about returning. I had spent all my money, and told Sarah one day +after I had poked her, that I was going away. Her sister was then at the +mill. Said she, "What will Martha do?" I supposed she would get another +sweetheart. She shook her head, "Martha be poisoned." "What?" "Don't +be afraid," said she, "she be in the family way, we call it poisoned in +these parts, when a girl be'nt married." It was true. The girl had only +menstruated once or twice before I first had her, and now her courses +had stopped. There was no attempt at making a market of me, all needed +was to get her right again. The elder took Martha to a fortune-teller, +and she got better of her difficulty. I borrowed money of my aunt +and giving Martha all I could, went back to London. She left the +neighbourhood. + +I saw Martha two years afterwards, when visiting again my aunt; she was +in house-hold service, and was out for the day. I waylaid her, hoping +to have her again; we kissed and fondled, and with difficulty I felt her +quim, but could not accomplish my wishes; she was going to be married, +and soon after I heard that she was. + +Sarah also was going to be married to a farm labourer, and when I joked +her about his finding her out, she laughed and said, "Lord, he war my +first sweetheart," from which I inferred that cousin Fred was mistaken +about taking her virginity. + +My first cunt-licking, and cock-sucking took place with Martha; I had +never before played such amatory pranks, and all came about by instinct. +For a long time I was ashamed of myself, and never breathed a word on +such subjects to anyone; I don't think I should have done so even to +Fred, but he was then away. Gradually I was learning by instinct the +whole art of love. What made me offer money to get Martha I can't say, +I don't think that I had ever heard of tempting women's virtue by money, +but I never forgot the lesson, and much improved on it as time went on. + +I now had had four women. The difficulties in the way of getting at +them, were very useful in preventing excesses; and kept me in health. It +seems surprising to me now, how little I seemed to have thought of baudy +attitudes, and lascivious varieties; for belly-to-belly poking on the +bed, was nearly all I did. I had still the modest, demure, demeanour +which deceived my mother (coupled with her ignorance of life generally) +and relations, and though very proud of my achievements, kept them much +to myself, never disclosing the names of my women, and only telling one +or two intimate friends of what I had done; who reciprocated by telling +me their achievements. Fucking had eased my prepuce. I made a practice +of pulling it backward and forward several times a day; in fact whenever +I piddled. My prick had grown bigger in the two years, which pleased me +much, but about the size of it I had a curious doubt, which will be told +of further on. + +I was though demure, quite a man in manner and looks, and with women +behaved in a way which one or two of my relatives remarked. I used to +think to myself when talking to them, "Ah! I know what sort of opening +you have at the bottom of your belly." The cousins whose cunts I had had +a partial glimpse of, I used to like to dance with, wondering how much +the hair had grown on them. I used also to think about my sister's +cunt that I had seen when in the cradle, but just then she died. My +experience indeed much increased the charm of female society to me. + +Chance had given me two virgins out of four women, that was a luxury +unthought of, uncared for, and in no way appreciated; the virgins were +no more liked by me than the others. + +Cousin Fred will appear at less frequent intervals, he was away +sometimes for months, then for years, but he is named whenever he played +an important part in my adventures,--he was participator in others which +will never be written about here. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + Fanny Hill.--Masturbation.--Friend Henry.--Under street- + gratings at the gunmaker's.--A frigging match.--Sights from + below.--In a back street.--A prick in petticoats.-- + Evacuations.--Ladies scared. + +I went back to London, and resumed my preparations. Penniless, I tried +to get money from my mother, but could not. I tried to feel our ugly +housemaid, who threatened to tell. Just then a friend lent me _Fanny +Hill_, how well I recollect that day, it was a sunshiny afternoon, +I devoured the book and its luscious pictures, and although I never +contemplated masturbation, lost all command of myself, frigged, and +spent over a picture as it lay before me. I did not know how to clean +the book and the table-cover. + +Fascinated although annoyed with myself, I repeated the act till not a +drop of sperm would come; and the skin of my prick was sore. The next +day I had a splitting headache but read at intervals, and again frigged; +and did this for a week, till my eyes were all but dropping into my +head. In a fever and worn out; the doctor said I was growing too fast, +and ordered strong nourishment; but I used to take the infernal book +with me to bed, and lay reading it, twiddling my prick, and fearing to +consummate, knowing the state I was in. It was indeed almost impossible +to do it, and when emission came, it was accompanied by a fearful aching +in my testicles. + +My friend had his book back, my erotic excitement ceased, I grew +stronger, felt ashamed of myself, and soon found a new excitement. + +I had a friend who like me was intended for the Army, his father was a +gun manufacturer. The eldest son died, and the old man saying that five +thousand a year should not be lost to the family, made his other son--my +friend--go into the business. He resisted, but had no alternative but +to consent. Their dwelling-house was just by ours, but the old man now +insisted on his son residing largely at the manufactory where he invited +me to stay at times with him, which I did. + +Several houses adjoining belonged to the old man, at the East-End of +London, where the manufactory was. Some faced an important thoroughfare, +the rest faced two other streets, and at the back, a place with out a +thoroughfare, on one side of which was the manufactory and workmen's +entrance; on the other side stables. The whole property formed a large +block. + +The house faced the better street, the family had for forty years lived +in it before they became rich, and it was replete with comfort. The old +man had since lived there principally, for his love was in his business, +and he had made all arrangements for his convenience. He had a private +staircase leading from a sitting-room into the manufactory, and could go +into the warehouse, or the back street, or out of the front door of the +house unnoticed. The people employed, never knew when to expect him. He +was a regular Tartar, but for all that a kind-hearted man. + +There now lived in the house an old servant with her sister, who had +been many years in the family. One was married to a foreman in whom his +master had much confidence; these three were in fact in charge of the +premises, although nominally the keyes were given up to my friend whom +we will call Henry. The old man wished his son to be happy, allowed +friends to visit him, there was good wine, put out by the old man in +small quantities from time to time, good food, good attendance, and all +to make things comfortable; but the old man resolutely forbade his son +to be out later than eleven o'clock, and kept him as my mother kept me, +almost without money. I expect that the old servants were told to keep +an eye on the doings of Henry. + +The basement was used as store-room for muskets, put into wooden boxes +which stood in long rows upon each other like coffins. It was a large +place and originally only went under the factory, but the old gentleman +gradually as he acquired the adjacent houses, let them, but retained +most of the basements, so that his stores ran not only under the +premises he occupied, but largely under half a dozen other houses of +which he only let the shops and upper portions. On four sides this large +basement had glimpses of light let into it, by gratings in the footways +of the streets. + +At one end and on the principal street was a row of windows, beneath +what was then a first class linen-draper's shop--first class I mean for +the East-End--a large place for those days, and always full. Women used +to stand by dozens at a time, looking into the shop windows which were +of large plate-glass--a great novelty in those days--people waiting for +omnibusses used also to stand up against the shop. + +Henry and I were old school friends, I had seen and felt his cock, he +mine; I had not been with him an hour before he said, "When the workmen +go to dinner, I will show you more legs than your ever saw in your +life." "Girls?" said I. "Yes, I saw up above the garters of a couple +of dozen yesterday in an hour." "Could you see their cunts?" "I did not +quite, but nearly of one," said he. I thought he was bragging, and was +glad when twelve o'clock came. + +At that hour down we went, through the basement stored with muskets; +it seemed dark as we entered, but soon we saw streams of light coming +through the windows at the end; they had not been cleaned for years. We +rubbed the glass and looked up. Above us was a flock of women's legs +of all sizes and shapes flashing before us, thick and thin in wonderful +variety. We could see them by looking up, it being bright above; but +dark and dusty below, they could not by looking down see us, through the +half cleaned windows; or notice round clean spots on the glass, through +which two pairs of young eyes almost devoured the limbs of those who +stood over them. + +As our only way lay through the work-shop and we did not wish it known +that we were there (there was no business done there, unless arms were +being stored or taken out), we went back before the workmen returned +from their meals; but for several days did we go into the place, +gloating over such of the women's charms as we could discern; legs we +saw by the hundreds, garters and parts of the thighs we saw by scores: +quite enough to make young blood randy to madness, but the shadowy mass +between the thighs we could not get a glimpse of. + +"There are vaults," said I, "if there, we could see right up, and be +at the back of the women." We tried unused keys to find one to open +the door, and at length to our intense delight it unclosed. We stepped +across the little open space under the gratings into the empty vaults, +and there arranging to take our turns of looking up at the most likely +spots, we put out our heads and took our fill at gazing. We were right +under the women, who as they looked into the shop windows, jutting out +their bums in stooping, tilted their petticoats exactly over our heads. +If there was no carriage passing, we could at times hear what they said, +but that was rarely the case. + +In those days even ladies wore no drawers. Their dresses rarely came +below their ankles, they wore bustles, and standing over a grating, +anyone below them, saw much more, and more easily, than they can in +these days of draggling dresses, and cunt swabbing breeches, which +the commonest girl wears round her rump. For all that, so close to the +thighs, do chemise and petticoats cling, that it was difficult to see +the hairy slits, which it was our great desire to look at. Garters and +thighs well above the knees, we saw by scores. Every now and then either +by reason of scanty clothing, or short dresses, or by a woman's stooping +and opening her legs to look more easily low down at the window, we had +a glimpse of the cunt; and great was our randiness and delight when we +did. On the whole we were well rewarded. Many as the legs and thighs +are, that I have since seen, I doubt whether I have seen so many pairs +of legs half-way up the thighs, and all but to the split, as I saw in +the times we stood under that big linendraper's shop window. Old and +young, thin and fat, dirty and clean, ragged and neat, there was every +possible variety and number of legs and their coverings. + +There were two states of the weather which favoured us: if muddy, women +lifted their clothes up high. Having no modern squeamishness, all they +cared about was to prevent them getting muddy; and then with the common +classes, we got many a glimpse of the split. But a brilliant day was the +best. Then the reflected light being strong, we could see higher up if +the lady was in a favourable position. We could see if they had clouts +round their cunts, and had some strange sights of which I will only tell +one or two. One day, quite at the end of the gratings, two women, + +neat, clean, plump, and of the poorer classes (for we could soon tell +the poorer classes from their legs and under-clothings), stood close +together. It was my five minutes. Henry was at my back. They had been +standing talking, close together, not seeming to be looking at the shop, +in fact they were at the spot where the shop window finished. One put +her leg up against a ledge, keeping the other on the grating; it was +a bright day, and I saw the dark hair of her cunt as plainly as if she +were standing to show it me. The next minute she gathered up her clothes +a little high, and squatted down on her heels as if to piddle, her bum +came down within four or five inches of the grating, and I saw through +the bars, her cunt open just as a woman does when she pisses. I thought +she was going to do so, when a plantive cry explained it all; she had +a baby, and all the movements were to enable her to do something to +it conveniently. At the same time her companion dropped on one knee, +pulling her clothes a little up, and arranging them so as to prevent +soiling them, she put the other leg out in front, and sat back on +the heel of the kneeling leg. Then was another split, younger and +lighter-haired, partly visible from below, but not so plainly as the +dark-haired one; and they did something in that position for five +minutes to the squalling child. + +I lost all prudence, whispered to Henry; and together we stood looking, +till they moved away. "My prick will burst," said I. "So will mine," +said he. The next instant both our pricks were out, and looking up +at the legs, stood we two young men, frigging till two jets of spunk +spurted across the area. It would have been a fine sight for the women +had they looked down, but women rarely did. They stood over the gratings +usually with the greatest unconcern, looking at the shop windows, or +only glanced below for an instant, at the dark, uninhabitated looking +area. + +This was the beginning of a new state of things. We got reckless; Henry +had business to attend to, I none, I ceased to think about what might be +said of our being so much in the store-house; and used to go by myself, +and stay there two or three hours at a time. Then I gave way to erotic +excesses. My prick would stand as I went down the stairs. I used to wait +prick in hand, playing with it, looking up and longing for a poke +until I saw a pair of thighs plainly, then able to stand it no longer, +frigged; hating myself even whilst I did it, and longing to put my spunk +in the right place. I used to catch it in one hand, whilst I frigged +with the other, then fling the spunk up towards the girls' legs. It was +madness; for although the feet of the women were not three feet above my +head, yet the smallness of the quantity thrown (after what stuck to my +fingers), and the iron bars above, seemed to make it impossible that any +of it should reach its intended destination; but I think it did one day. +A youngish female was stooping, and showing part of her thighs. I flung +up what I had just discharged; suddenly her legs closed, she stepped +quickly aside, looked down and went away. I am still under the +impression that a drop of my sperm, must have hit her naked legs. + +We both also grew more lascivious, having frigged before each other, we +took to frigging each other. I went to my home, on going back, found +he had taken other young men to see the legs. One night five of us had +dinner, we smoked and drank, our talk grew baudier; we had mostly been +schoolfellows, and dare say we had all seen each other's doodles, but I +cannot assert that positively. We finished by showing them to each other +now, betting on their length and size, and finished up by a frigging +sweep-stakes for him who spent first. + +At a signal, five young men (none I am sure nineteen years old) seated +on chairs in the middle of the room began frigging themselves, amidst +noise and laughter. The noise soon subsided, the voices grew quiet, then +ceased, and was succeeded by convulsive breathing sighs and long-drawn +breaths, the legs of some writhed, and stretched out, their backsides +wriggled on the chairs, one suddenly stood up. Five hands were frigging +as fast as they could, the prick-knobs standing out of a bright +vermillion tint looking as if they must burst away from the hands which +held them. Suddenly one cried "f-fi-fir-first," as some drops of gruelly +fluid flew across the room, and the frigger sunk back in the chair. At +the same instant almost the other jets spurted, and all five men were +directly sitting down, some with eyes closed, others with eyes wide +open, all quiet and palpitating, gently frigging, squeezing, and +tittillating their pricks until pleasure had ceased. + +Afterwards we were quiet, then came more grog, more allusion to the legs +of women, their cunts and pleasures, more baudiness, more showing of +pricks and ballocks, another sweep-stakes, another frigging match, and +then we separated. + +I do not think that excepting to Henry, that baudy evening ever was +referred to by me. + +I got up I recollect next day ashamed of myself, and felt worse, when he +remarked, "What beasts we made ourselves last night." What changes since +then. Two of the five found graves in the Crimea, the third is dead +also; Henry and I alone alive. He with a big family, with sons nearly as +old as he was at the time of the frigging matches. I wonder if he ever +thinks of them, wonder if he ever has told his wife. + +I spent much time now in this leg inspection and frigging myself, till +I could scarcely get semen out of me. I hated myself for it, yet went on +doing it, when luckily I lost the exciting sights. Some women happened +to look down and saw us. A man without a hat came several times and +looked down the gratings. Henry's father came to the manufactory, as +he often did, went into the stores, asked who had opened the area-door, +locked it up, had a new lock put on, and forbad anyone to go into the +stores excepting to get out the guns, and so we lost our game. We never +asked a question, nor made a remark on the matter; and came to the +conclusion, that some one had complained to the linendraper that persons +were looking up the women's legs, and that he had written to Henry's +father on the matter. + +I went home used up, and in a state of indescribable disgust with +myself, entirely ceased masturbation, and in a month went again to visit +my friend,--he had found out another grating. + +The back of the manufactory as said was in a _cul-de-sac_. There were +but the manufactory and stables in it. The workmen entered that side. +There were gratings, and coal-vaults beneath the street similar to those +beneath the linendraper's shop. Workmen's wives bringing their husbands' +dinners, used to stand and sometimes sit down over the gratings, but +their legs when seen were rarely worth the seeing; it was usually but a +sight of dingy petticoats, and dirty stockings. We were however content +to look up at them, for they belonged to women, but soon tired of doing +so. + +One night (we had never been there at night before), for some reason +or the other which I don't recollect we went down and found two women +pissing down the grating, then a man and woman together, and discovered +it to be the pissing-place of the gay women, in the main thoroughfare; +and where if the nights were dark, couples used to come for a grope, a +frig, or even for a fuck at times. The pissing often took place over a +grating, we could hear, and feel, but not see. + +Then we got a common dark lantern, had the top shade taken of, and a +funnel, or short chimney put with a slide, so that when we pushed the +slide off, the light shot up through the chimney, and throw a strong +light on a circle about one foot across. With this we went down waiting +till we heard some one above, then opened the light and saw what was to +be seen. Sometimes we waited for hours without seeing anything, but it +is astonishing what cute-loving, baudy young men will go through for the +sake of seeing a woman's privates. At other times we saw a good deal. If +it were a light night, we saw nothing. No one knew we went down at those +hours, the workmen had gone, and the private staircase from the dwelling +house at any time let us into the factory; from the factory we could go +anywhere on the premises. + +When we heard feet, or a rustle of petticoats over the grating, taking +up the light we sometimes saw a white hum, a split gaping like a dog +with its throat cut, and a stream of water splashing from it. We never +used to move, but sooner than not see it all and as well as possible, +let the stream come over us. Sometimes two women came together; +sometimes we could hear to our mortification that they were pissing on +the pavement close by, without coming over the grating. We could often +hear their conversation. Now and then a woman shit down the grating, +we used to watch the turds squeeze out with a fart or two, with great +amusement. Once a man did the same, we saw prick, balls, and turd, all +hanging down together, we could not help laughing, and off he shuffled +as if he had been shot. He must have heard us. + +There was one woman whose face we never saw, but who came and pissed +over a grating so regularly every evening, and sometimes twice; that we +knew her arse perfectly. We lost sight of her and used to wonder if she +had found us out, for she finished one night with such a loud fart, that +we laughed out,--and she must have heard us. + +One night half a dozen ladies came, we knew they were ladies by their +manner and conversation, which we could hear perfectly, there being no +carriage traffic in the street. "Can anyone see?" said one. "No," said +another, "make haste." We heard the usual leafy rustle, and immediately +a tremendous stream was heard; then two more sat down close together. +I turned on the light at all risks, there were two pretty white little +bums above us, with the gaping cunts, they were of quite young girls, +without a hair on them; the women then were scared I suppose, for they +moved. One said, "Make haste, don't be foolish, nobody is coming." A +rustle again, off went the slide, up went the light; what a big round +bum, what a great black-haired open cunt did we see, and a stream of +water as if from a fire-engine. "Oh! there is a light down there," said +one. Up went the bum, piss still straining down, down went the clothes, +and all were off like lightening. + +Another night we heard two pairs of feet above us, one was the heavy +footstep of a man. "Don't be foolish, he won't know," said a man in a +very low tone. "Oh I no,--no, I dare not," said a female voice, and the +feet with a little rustling moved to another grating. Henry and I moved +on also. "You shall, no one comes here, no one can see us," said the +man in a still lower tone. "Oh! I am so frightened," said the female. A +little gentle scuffling now took place, and then all seemed quiet but a +slight movement of the feet. "Are they there?" whispered Henry from +the vault. I nudged him to quiet, and putting the light as high up as I +could, pushed aside the slide a little only. + +We were well rewarded. Just above our heads were two pairs of feet, one +pair wide apart; and hanging only partly at her back the garments of +a female; in front the trousers of a man with the knees projecting +slightly forward between the female's legs, and higher up a bag of balls +were hanging down hiding nearly the belly and channel, which the prick +was taking. The distended legs between which the balls moved, enabled us +however to get a glimpse of the arse-hole and of a cunt. The movement of +the ballocks showed the vigor with which the man was fucking, but there +must have been some inequality in height; and either he was very tall, +or she very short; for his knees and feet moved out at times into +different positions. He then ceased for an instant his shoving, as if +to arrange himself in a fresh and more convenient posture, and then the +lunges recommenced. He must have had his hands on her naked rump, from +the way her clothes hung, showing her legs up to her belly, or to where +his breeches hid it, or where the clothes fell down which were over his +arm. + +Once I imagine, the lady's clothes were in his way, for there was a +pause, his prick came quite out, her feet moved, her legs opened wider. +He did not need his fingers to find his mark again, his long, stiff, +red-tipped article had slidden in the direction of her bum-hole; but +no sooner had they readjusted their legs, then it moved backwards, +and again it was hidden from sight in her cunt. The balls wagged more +vigorously than ever, quicker, quicker; the lady's legs seemed to shake, +we heard a sort of mixed cry, like a short groan and cry together, and +a female voice say, "Oh! don't make such a noise," then a quiver and a +shiver of the legs, and all seemed quiet. + +When I first had removed the slide, I did so in a small degree, fearing +they might look below and see it; but if the sun had shone from below, +I believe now they must have been in that state of excitement, that they +would not have noticed it. To see better I opened the slide more, and +gradually held the lantern higher and higher, until the chimney through +which the light issued was near to the grating. I was holding it by the +bottom at arms length; and naturally, so as to best see myself. Henry +could not see as well, although standing close to me, and our heads +nearly touching. "Hold it more this way," said he in an excited whisper. +I did not. Just then the lady said, "Oh! make haste now, I am so +frightened." Out slipped the prick,--I saw it. At that very instant, +Henry pulled my hand, to get the lantern placed so as to enable him to +see better. I was holding it between the very tips of my fingers, just +below the feet of the copulating couple. His jerk pulled it over, and +down it went with a smash, just as the lady said, "Make haste, I am so +frightened." A huge prick as it seemed to me drew out, and flopped down, +a hand grasped it, the petticoats were falling round the legs, when the +crash of the lantern came. With a loud shriek from the lady, off the +couple moved, and I dare say it was many a day before she had her +privates moistened up against a wall again, and over a grating. + +Henry and I laughing picked up the lantern and got back to the house; +I went to my bed-room in a state of indescribable randiness. I had for +some time broken myself of frigging, and now resisted the desire, tried +to read but could not, undressed and went to bed. My prick would stand. +If it went down for a minute and my thoughts were diverted, the very +instant my mind recurred to those balls wagging above my head, up it +went again. I tried to piss, the piss would not run. At that time when +my prick was stiff, I used to pull the prepuce back, so as to loosen it. +I laid down on the bed, prick stiff. If it could have spoken, it would +have said, "Frig or fuck, you shall, before I give you rest." So I +pulled the prepuce slowly back,--only once,--and as the knob came +handsomely into view, out shot my spunk all over the bed-clothes. + +Getting up to wipe and make things clean, I saw something on the brim +of my cap which I had worn; the cap was on the table. I took it up and +found a large spot of sperm which had come from the happy couple, it +must have followed the withdrawal of the prick; and had my head been a +little more turned up, it must have tumbled on my face. I did not mind +wiping up my own sperm, but doing so to their's seemed beastly. Yet what +was the difference? + +We heard one night some one squat down, and turned up the light; there +were petticoats, legs and an arse, but instead of the usual slit, we saw +to our astonishment a prick and balls hanging down between the legs, it +was a man in woman's clothes, and he was shitting. The sight alarmed us, +we talked over it for many a day afterwards, for we did not then know +that some men are fond of amusing themselves with other men. + +I never saw but that one couple fucking, but we could hear groping and +frigging going on close by. We heard women say, "Oh! don't!" Gay women, +we heard say, "Here is a good place," but they did not often select the +gratings, why? I cannot tell, for they were partly in recesses in the +wall which enabled people to get more hidden. The bars were wide apart, +and I suppose the regulars did not like that, yet they often used the +gratings for pissing down. + +These sights did no occur all at once, I went home, stopped, returned, +and so on; in the meanwhile not having women, I then frigged, left off, +then took to it again, and so time went on. Fewer women came at last up +the street, we imagined that with all our care, they had found out that +people were beneath the gratings, and avoided them. The favorite place +was the recess at the workmen's door to the factory at which were two +steps; we could hear but not see when a couple was there, we used then +to go up into the factory and listen at the door. Generally, feeling and +frigging was only going on, bargaining for money first. "Give me another +shilling. Oh! your nails hurt. What a lot of hair you have. What a big +one! Oh! I am coming! Don't spend over my clothes," and so on, we heard +at times. + +Meanwhile there was either no servant at my home worthy of a stiff one, +or those who would not take one; and I had no alternative but to frig. +Money my mother again kept from me. What I got, I sent to the poor girl +Martha, who then had not got rid of her big belly; gay women I had +fear of; devoured by desire to get into a woman again, I even looked +longingly at the wife of the foreman who took charge of the house in +which Henry lived, although she was fifty. I recollect seeing her making +my bed one morning, and getting a cock-stand at the sight of the woman +so near a place to lay down on. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + Mrs. Smith.--A brutal husband.--My second adultery.--A + chaste servant.--Road harlots.--A poke in the open.--Use for + a silk handkerchief.--A shilling a tail.--Clapped. + +Henry had now much business to attend to, I had none. I used to wander +into the back street just as the men's wives brought them their dinners, +so as to look at them. They were not allowed inside, but if the men +chose to eat inside they could do so, their wives waiting outside. Six +or eight men had their dinners brought, the rest went away. The women +most frequently sat on a door-step, or loitered over the gratings up +which we used to look at night; or squatted down against the wall. I had +once or twice looked up their clothes, but found little inviting, with +the exception of a plump little pair of legs which belonged to a Mrs. +Smith. She looked about twenty-six years of age, her husband twenty +years older, a good workman but a brutal fellow. He bore a bad character +among his fellows, and was thought a brute to his wife. Some said +his wife drank; there was often a row in the street between them at +dinner-time, he used to sit on the door-step and eat his dinner outside, +she standing near him, and her legs came at times over a grating. I used +to dodge downstairs at times at the workmen's dinner-hour, and have a +look up, and that is how I saw, and began to think of the legs of Mrs. +Smith. + +I took a sort of fancy to her, or rather her legs, so plump and clean. +I saw she had a nice clean face with bright brown eyes, and then had +a desire to fuck her. I again had desisted from frigging, had sworn +to myself not to do so again, and now getting strength wanted a woman +badly. Our eyes had often met, I had even got out of her way when +passing her, a courtesy not often then shown by gentlemen to workpeople. +I used to stare at her so, that she began to look confused when I did. +The husband never seemed to notice anything but his dinner, at which he +usually swore. Sometimes I spoke to him about gun-making. I wanted to +poke Mrs. Smith, but there did not seem to be the remotest chance, nor +had I any intention of attempting it, but used to look at her with +my cock standing, and wondering what sort of cunt she had. I had been +brought up religiously, and the idea of having a married woman seemed +shocking. I was shocked when I found that Mary was married. At length I +nodded, smiled, and established a sort of intimacy in that way without +speaking, managing to meet her as it were, quite casually when going to, +or leaving the workshop. + +One day the man dined on the step, his wife standing by his side; down I +went to peep up her clothes and heard him rowing. "Why the hell had +she not got him beef instead of mutton; God damn her, why were there +no potatoes!" That was his style. Angry words passed, the voices grew +louder, I heard a loud smack and a strong oath, he had hit his wife and +gone back into the work-shop. + +There was a great gabbling of female voices over the grating round Mrs. +Smith. "I would not stand it," said one. "It is a shame," said another. +"He ought to be proud of such a wife, an old beast," said another. The +husband came out again. "I have done my best," said she, "you are not a +man anyhow, or anywhere, for two pins I would run away from you." A loud +oath, and another smack followed. + +I heard Mrs. Smith sobbing. "I have had a little drink," said she, "I +told him so. He makes me so unhappy, I must; but I spend scarce a trifle +and it's what I earns myself. Ain't I clean? don't I bring him good +meals?" "You do, you do," said they. "It's a shame," she went on, "he is +not a man, not in bed, not anywhere, not anyhow, I don't aggravate him, +I put up with everything, it's full six months since he's been a husband +to me, although we sleeps in the same bed," she added in a significant +way, "yes, six months full." "Lor," said half a dozen voices together, +then said one, "Don't he do anything to you then?" Things quieted, off +went Mrs. Smith with some of the women, two remained waiting for their +husbands' platters, they squatted down on the step. + +"They're a miserable couple," said one. "Yes, and likely, he is never at +home, no wonder she do take a drop of comfort." "No, it ain't." "She is +a nice little woman, and no man gets his meals nicer." "No, that they +don't." "He's too old for her, but he ain't jealous." "No, in course +not." "Why he ain't done it to her for six months," said one. They both +chuckled then. "Why, my old man don't forget me like that, and he is ten +years older than Smith," said the other. "Ah!" said the first, "he's a +bad 'up altogether, men be a bad lot, the best on 'em." The time-bell +rang, their husbands brought out their dinner-cans, and off the women +went. + +I can scarcely tell what followed exactly or how it came about, for even +now to me it seems astonishing. I was but between eighteen and nineteen, +and had not had the remotest idea of getting Mrs. Smith, though I longed +for her lewedly when my cock stood. I was timid with women until I knew +them well, I could never begin with our own servants until they had +been in the house a few days; yet directly I heard this conversation, a +chance seemed in my way, and without meaning it I followed it up. + +With but little idea of married life or habits, I saw that not only were +they a wretched couple, but that for months Smith had never touched his +wife. I imagined then that married people were always doing it, that +women were randier than men,--a common belief of young people. I +thought: how she must want a poke! how she would enjoy it! Out I went +to see if Mrs. Smith was about, and saw her walking off with a group of +sympathizers, who dropped off gradually, until she was left with one, +with whom she went into a public-house. In a few minutes they came out +and parted. On she went alone, and went into another public-house, and +then wiping her eyes as she came out, went her way alone; I after her, +lewed and thinking to myself, "she has not had it for six months," and +so on. She went into a public-house now by herself. I waited till she +came out, and saw she had been taking to many drops of comfort. + +Without any definite intention as far as I can remember, but simply for +lewed gratification, I went up to, and addressed her. She recognized me +and stood stock still. She had a small bottle of what I found afterwards +to be gin in her hand, which she put into her husband's dinner can. I +told her I was sorry for her, having heard the row and all she had said. +The reference to her wrongs roused her, and she said vehemently, "He is +not a man anyhow or anywhere," and then was silent. I did not know what +to say more, and walked on by her side. After a time she said, "Why are +you walking with me sir?" The only reply I made was that I liked it, +and was sorry she had such a bad husband. She said she would rather be +alone, but I walked on with her she carrying the little tin can with a +cover. I not knowing what to do, offered to carry it for her, but she +would not let me. + +Then she remarked, "You are very good, but don't come any further, +it won't look well for a poor woman to be walking with a gentleman; +neighbors make mischief, and God knows, I have enough to bear already." +My boldness having quite left me, I shook hands with her, which seemed +to astonish her, and off she went. I followed her at a distance, to her +house, which was one of a row of small cottages fronting a ditch, and +a field, on which carpets were beaten, and boys played, a scrubby poor +place as you may be sure. + +I turned back hesitating. One moment wondering at my boldness, and +wickedness in thinking of a married woman; the next, thinking I was a +fool for not having asked her to let me; when I saw in the path, the top +of the tin can she had been carrying. Here was a chance. I walked about +for half an hour before I mustered up courage to go to the house. She +opened her eyes wide when she saw me. "What do you want?" "Here is the +top of the dinner-can," said I innocently. "Oh!" said she, "I am so +glad, he would have hit me if I had lost it." As she took it I entered +and closed the door. + +She had finished the gin, for the empty bottle was on the table. She may +have been more than fuddled, I cannot say; for I was so excited that I +recollect only the most prominent circumstances. I was in a funk, but +my cock was stiff, and that overcame all scruples. The house had but two +rooms: a kitchen I was standing in, the street-door opened on to it. +An open door showed a neat bed in a clean white-washed bed-room. How I +began I know not, but recollect telling what I had heard, and that +for months he had not been a husband to her. That set her off talking +wildly, and she said it all over again. She was sure he was spending his +money on some dolly, hoped she might catch her, then cried, wiped her +eyes and said, "Well, that is no business of yours, I am a fool for +talking to a young gentleman like you, I don't know what you are doing +here." + +"Let me do it to you," said I, "I have seen up your clothes, let +me,--you are so nice, and I want you so badly; why should you not, he +is no husband to you, and you such a nice woman." That was my artless +beginning, or something like it. Fright at my impudence was struggling +against my cock-stand. For a second she seemed speechless, then replied, +"Well sir, you ought to be ashamed,--a married woman like me." "He is no +husband to you, he never does it to you, you know,--I heard you tell the +women so; they laughed, and said he had some hussy whom he did it to." +"That's no business of yours, but he is a bad one," and she began crying +again. "Now go sir go,--if he came home, he would murder me, if he found +you here." + +I don't know how the next came off, but I know I was kissing her, that I +got my hand up her clothes, on to her cunt, that I pulled out my prick, +that the struggling ceased, that I edged her to the bed-room, and that +up against the bed she made a stand. "Oh! my God sir, I am a married +woman, pray don't." Paying no heed, I got her clothes up and as she +stood, was bending and trying to get my cock up her; but she was little, +and I could not; it shoved up against her navel, and motte. That I +suppose stirring her lust, overcame her, for she got on the bed, I got +on her, and up her in a second. + +I was in a bursting state of randiness, and she must have been the same. +I was ready to spend, she readier; for I had no sooner entered her than +her breath shortened, she clasped me tight, quivered and wriggled, and +we both spent. I lay up her, cock ready for further work. Up to that +time I had not properly felt her, nor seen her body. I began fumbling +about, put my hand down feeling cautiously round the stem of my cock and +my ballocks. All was wet, I slid my finger below her cunt (feeling even +near to an arse-hole was then beyond me), there it felt wetter; that +stimulated me, and on I went grinding. She lay with her eyes closed +without speaking. Soon we both went again, I had fucked her twice +without uncunting. + +The quiet dreamy enjoyment had barely began, when she pushed me off +and sat up saying, "What have I done? what have I done? I am a married +woman!" Then comes tears, then a kiss from me, then talk, then tears, +and at intervals she told me a story of a bad, brutal, morose husband, +who had not fucked her for months. Half frightened, half hysterical, it +seemed as much pleasure to her to tell me her misery, as it had been to +have me doing her husband's work. We moved off the bed. "Oh! my God," +said she, "look at the bed." I saw one wet patch as large as a tea-cup, +and another as large as a crown at the spot where her bum had laid on +the counterpaine. "What shall I do?" "Wash it." "But I have no other." +It was a bore no doubt. I left without being able to get permission to +see her again, but only tears, and an expression of her conviction that +she was a wicked woman. + +Although she had not asked me not to tell anyone, which women so often +do who commit these little slips, I did not mention it to Henry. For +three or four days afterwards she did not come to the factory. I went to +her cottage. She was out. At length at the dinner-hour I met her face to +face by the factory. She looked ready to drop. An hour afterwards seeing +her burly husband at work, off to her house I went, and gave a single +knock. She opened the door, nearly fell back with surprise, and before +she could recover herself I was indoors. I had an altercation, a +refusal, almost a fight, but I conquered. Again she was fucked on the +bed, and now for the first time I had a look at her charms, her cunt +unwashed. + +She was a plump little woman, dark-haired on head and tail, her quim was +neither large or small, her thighs round and white, she was an ordinary +person, neither handsome nor plain, and my curiosity was soon satisfied. +She kept exclaiming, "Oh! if he should come home!" I fell to work again +with vigor, and soon again spent. As I got off I observed under her bum +again a large wet place, but now on her chemise. "What a lot of spending +you have done," said I. "I can't help it," said she. My experience was +small, but I knew that from no other woman whom I had stroked, had such +an effusion taken place. Before I had spent I had felt her wetness on my +fingers. I had her on another occasion, and the same thing occurred. I +notice this because I only recollect meeting one other such case since; +Mrs. Smith, like the other to whom I refer, used after a few pushes up +her to squeeze her cunt, shiver, and discharge quite copiously, to +be followed with a second pleasure and discharge when I spent. I only +reflected on Mrs. Smith's peculiarity some years afterwards. + +In about a week I had her again at her cottage. Then she said if I came +any more she would have trouble, for neighbors had already remarked a +gentlemen at the house. I disregarded this, went and knocked. She opened +the door cautiously with the chain up, and seeing me, shut it in my +face. I was then about going to my own home, and feared I should not +have her again, but found out that the husband spent his evenings at a +tavern (I had a strange pleasure in looking at him after I had had his +wife), that he was to be at some workman's carousal, watched him to the +public-house, then ran to his cottage, gave a single loud knock at the +door, which was this time opened unsuspiciously, and in I pushed before +she could scarcely see who it was. + +I had difficulty in persuading her to let me, she was more timid than +ever, but promised that I would never come again. + +Then she got on to the bed. The crisis was just over when we heard a +knock. With a shriek she pushed me off and got up. "He will murder me, +he will murder me," said she. I stood blank with bewilderment, relieved +by another knock and a voice crying "beer." She fell on the floor +fainting, and so alarmed me, that I nearly called in the neighbours. I +put a pillow under her head. I don't know what induced me, for not three +minutes before I was frightened out of my life, but as she laid there +close by the fire (at the knock we had rushed into the kitchen), I +pulled up her clothes. The flickering of the fire showed her thighs +and cunt in a strange light to me. As I pulled her legs asunder, I felt +ashamed, but lust was strong. I looked at the cunt, the novelty of an +insensible woman on the floor excited me, the next instant in spite of +her, for she recovered just as I laid on her, my prick was up her, and +my knuckles on the hard bit of dingy carpet, and as I grasped her bum, +it seemed that my poke was most delicious. So much for novelty and +imagination. I left immediately afterwards. + +Then I went home to my mother. In about three weeks, went to see Henry, +again as I said, but really to get to Mrs. Smith, and found her husband +had been discharged. I went off to the cottage, it was empty. They had +gone no one knew where, and he had half murdered his wife. I wondered if +it had been about me. Then my conscience upbraided me with having +committed adultery. I took to going to church more regularly, and +repeated the commandments emphatically. + +I was now approaching nineteen years, was at home doing nothing but +study, and with scarcely a farthing of money. I tried to get into one +of our servant's unsuccessfully, she was a plain lass, but had a cunt, +which was all I wanted. I began to kiss and fondle her, which she +submitted to demurely. Then by surprise one day got my hand up her +clothes, and between her cunt-lips. She loudly screamed, which luckily +was unheard, for my mother was out. Her cunt felt wet, and I found from +my fingers afterwards that she was poorly built. She rushed downstairs +crying violently, the next day gave warning and left, much to my relief. +She never I am sure told my mother, but I was in a fright until she had +left. + +I restrained myself from frigging, although sorely tempted to do so, and +luckily found cheaper and better relief. Having had but one gay woman, +and having a dread of them, neverthless, my mind involuntarily turned +to them, especially as I now defied my mother, stopped out of nights +latish, and consequently saw more of them. But I had no money. + +Between London and our suburb, there were some lengths of road bounded +by fields, and only lighted by oil-lamps. At places small houses were +being built in side-roads, which were altogether without light. Gay +women of a poor class, were then of an evening about the darkest parts, +or they used to walk where the roads were lighter. They were of that +class who go with labouring men, and were not attractive, although +cleaner and better-looking than the same class now is. + +One evening I worried an aunt out of two pounds, which I had with a +solitary shilling besides; and was returning, when a woman accosted me. +She walked by my side and talked, but I could not afford a soverign, +which was a much larger sum then than it now is, and a shilling seemed +to me a ridiculous sum, so I determined to run, for fear I should be +fool enough to let her have a soverign. "I can't," said, "good night, I +only have a shilling." "Make it two," said she. "I have not got more." +"Give it me then." I stopped in astonishment at the idea of her taking +such a trifle. "She is going to take it and go off," thought I, for +I had known such a thing, but I gave her the shilling and then stood +still. "Well, are you not going to have it?" said she, "make haste." It +was a dark night, but I saw from a white gleam that her clothes were up, +felt where the nick was, and in much agitation thrust my tool up it. + +Having a woman in the open up against a field fence, and without seeing +her cunt, or even her face, was a novelty to me. For a long time I had +been bottling up my sperm. All fear left me, and it seemed the most +delicious fuck I ever had had. In a few pushes I spent, and kept my +belly up against hers in silent delight, till I felt sperm trickling +down over my balls. Telling me to take care of my shirt she drew her bum +back. Scarcely recovered from my pleasure and still wondering how I had +such pleasure with so poor a woman, I suppose I must have said something +of the sort, for she remarked, "Why not? we are all made the same way, +and if some of us had more cheek, we might have as good clothes as the +best, but there are plenty of real gents glad enough to have us," and so +we talked for a minute. I had not felt her and now longed to do so, but +was too timid to ask her. She turned away. I had been wiping my cock +with a silk pocket-handkerchief, to prevent any sperm getting on to my +shirt. A happy idea came. "Let me feel you, and do it again and I will +give you this silk handkerchief, for I have no more money." Laughing +and saying, "I suppose it is silk," she accepted it. I think now of the +exquisite delight, with which I felt the thighs and bum of that poor +woman, who might for all I could see, have had the great, or the +small pox, or have been as ugly as the devil; but I stroked her belly, +twiddled her wet cunt-hair (she had pissed), plunged my fingers into +her wet cunt, and at length spent again in it, with more delight, than I +have had with some of the most dashing women since that time. + +After funking about pox and clap, for a few days, out I sped one evening +to try to get her again, delighted at the economical rate at which I +found it now possible to have women. But I always was liberal, and gave +her three or four shillings. Several times I had had her afterwards and +never saw her face. At length I insisted on going when I could see her. +She refused until tempted by an offer, then agreed to meet me at a +place which she named; saying, "And I will put on a clean chemise and +stockings." I met her, and found her to be about thirty-five years old, +and one of the ugliest women I ever saw. + +She was so plain that all desire left me. I looked her all over, to +which she made no objection, remarking as she pulled up her clothes, +"Ah, you may look, I am as clean as any woman although I am what I am." +I went on looking at, and fiddling her about, but no erection came. She +gave an uneasy motion with her bum and said, "Oh! you are tickling +me so, why don't you get on?" I said I did not want it yet, which so +astonished her, that she sat upright, and looked at me and at my tool. +Then she made me lay down on the poor bed, and mutual feeling soon +brought me to a proper state. "Don't you be quick or you will spoil me," +said she. Her manner was quite different from what it had been on the +high road, it was amorous. I forgot her ugliness, and fucking with all +my heart, spent when her hard breathing, tightening cunt, and clasping +arms, told me she enjoyed it also. + +Then the miserable room, and her ugliness revolted me. I moved to +get off, but she retained me, asking me to talk. Somewhat against my +inclination I did. She laid hold of my prick, pinching it. The gentle +pleasure returned, and it ended in my doing her again, as much to her +delight as mine. She said so. Instead of feeling pleased, it made +her seem to me ugly. I went away, and although I argued with myself, +especially when I only had a shilling or two, yet I never could bring +myself to have her again. When I saw her on the road, I went the other +side of the way, and soon lost sight of her. + +Finding that I had not suffered by my indiscretion, I got bolder, took +the run of the road, and must have had a dozen girls at a shilling a +tail. One night as I fumbled a girl, she frigged me vigorously. "I will +do it this way," said she, "you will like it so." But I refused. "I +will give you such pleasure," said she again, "all the gents say I do +it better than any girl." But again I refused. "I am afraid my monthlies +are just coming on," said she. But up I put it, and went home satisfied. +Two or three mornings afterwards I felt a slight itching at the tip of +my prick, but took no notice of it; the next morning piddling, to +my horror I saw a little yellowish fluid oozing, and sat down in +consternation. I had got a clap. + +This laid me up for weeks, I went to a strange doctor and managed to +keep it from my mother, but was in anxiety as to how I was to pay the +doctor. Fortune and misfortune often follow each other. My long promised +appointment came from the W... Office just as I was getting well. With +overwhelming joy I saw some chance of a little money, beyond what I got +by begging from relatives; and then also my mother, at the advice of an +uncle, who pointed out that in a year and a half I could not be kept out +of my property, allowed me a fair monthly stipend. + +I now found out that women of a superior class, were to be had much +cheaper, than my great friends used to talk of; but at the time I write +of, a sovereign would get any woman, and ten shillings as nice a one +as you needed. Two good furnished rooms near the Clubs, could be had +by women for from fifteen to twenty shillings per week, a handsome silk +dress for five or ten pounds, and other things in proportion. So cunt +was a more reasonable article than it now is, and I got quite nice +girls at from five to ten shillings a poke, and had several in their own +rooms, but sometimes paying half-a-crown extra for a room elsewhere. + +When with but little money, I used to take out my best silk +handkerchiefs, and give them with money, and once or twice I gave +nothing else. One night to a nice-looking girl I said I could give her +nothing but a handkerchief. "All right," said she without a murmur. When +I had fucked her, she laid still on the bed and before she washed her +cunt examined the handkerchief very carefully. "It's a rare good new +one, it will pop for half-a-crown where I am known, where did you prig +it?" looking at me as she spoke, and then added, "Yet you look like a +gentleman too." I recollect it as well as if it were yesterday. I at +that time used to take pleasure in laying as long as I could after I had +spent, then getting up and kneeling between the girl's legs opening her +cunt and watching the spunk at the mouth, or the big drops rolling down +between the cheeks of her bum. I was kneeling so then, and was not a +little shocked at her remark. That girl was young, handsome, well made, +and in the Hay-market would now get anything from one to five pounds, +yet I had her several times for three and four shillings a time. + + + + +CHAPTER X. + + A big cunted one.--Sister Mary.--A wet dream.--Charlotte + reappears.--Consequences.--My first child.--Cook Brown, and + housemaid Harriet.--Masturbation and foolscap.--A deaf + relative.--An uncomfortable pudendum.--A lacerated penis.-- + Sudden dismissals. + +Just at this time the following incident occurred. Going one Saturday +night up Granby street, Waterloo road, then full of women who used to +sit at the windows half naked; two or three together at times in the +same room on the ground-floor, with the bed visible from the street, and +which street I often walked in for the pleasure of looking at the women. +A woman standing at a door seized my hand, asking me in, and at the same +time pulling me quite violently into the little passage. I had barely +seen her, and upon her saying, "Come and have me," replied that I had +scarcely any money. "Never mind," said she, "we will have a fuck for +all that." She shut the door, closed rapidly the outer wooden shutters, +which all the ground-floor windows had in that street, and began to kiss +me and feel my prick. I then saw she was half drunk. Quickly she pulled +me towards the bed, threw herself on it, pulled up her clothes to her +navel, and cried aloud, "Fuck me,--fuck me,--fuck me.--oh! how I want +a fuck, make haste." She was a tall woman with dark hair on her cunt, +neither very long nor thick. As I looked at it, I saw the inner lips +hanging out a full inch, I put my finger, two, then three fingers up her +cunt easily. It was enormous. It shocked me, having never seen such a +cunt before I am quite sure. She meanwhile did nothing but jerk, +and wriggle her arse about, shouting out, "Fuck me,--put your prick +in,--fuck me,--fuck me." + +The look of her thing, its size, and her manner so shocked me, that my +prick refused its work, and I told her so. She jumped off of the bed, +fell on her knees, and began sucking my prick violently, made it stiff +in spite of me, got on to the bed again, and recommenced crying out for +me to do it to her. With a feeling of disgust I got on her, slipped my +prick up and began, but it felt nowhere. I could not make out that it +was up a cunt at all, so loose was it. If it had been in a wet bladder, +it could not have felt looser, and it shrunk up again to nothing. "I +can't do it," said I in a fright, for her manner was so lewed, and +became so ferocious, that it quite upset me. "What! a fine young man +like you can't do it," said she. "No" (and as an apology), "I often +can't do it." Again she got it stiff by sucking it. That quite disgusted +me, but on to the bed and into her again I got. My doodle in a minute +began to shrink, but whilst in her, she wriggled and jerked away so +hard, that I think she must have got a pleasure, for she laid quiet for +a time. I was very glad to get off; but was not to be let off so easy. +"I _will_ give you a pleasure," said she, "I can if anyone can," and +although it disgusted me, for such a thing had never been done to me +before, and I tried to stop her, she dropped upon her knees saying, "You +will come to see me again I know, for a man can always do it one way or +another," put my prick in her mouth and sucked and palated it. I was too +young and too full not to feel it. Spite of myself I spent, and just as +I did, grasping my balls with one hand and frigging the stem with the +other, she drew back her mouth about two inches, kept it wide open, went +on frigging, and the sperm squirted out into her mouth and on to her +face; then she resumed sucking it until every drop was out of me. + +That over, she rose and said, "You will come to me again, won't you? I +will always do that to you, and anything else you like." I gave her a +shilling and promised, but never felt so sick and disgusted with a woman +before. Everything about the woman was repulsive. I have since met four +or five woman with very large cunt-holes, but hers was the largest. I am +perfectly certain I could have put my fist up it. I avoided the street +for some months, which was a great loss to me, for I often used to go +through it, to gloat on the charms of the women as they lolled out of +the windows. When I thought of my prick being sucked, it used to disgust +me awfully, and it was many years before I knew what pleasure it was to +a man, at times; but it never has been done to me again, in the manner +that woman did it. + +Then I saw the woman in taking whose virtue I lost my own,--Charlotte. + +Our cook married. A new cook and housemaid came, the latter a pretty +dark-eyed girl of about eighteen years of age, named Mary. Directly I +set eyes upon her I liked her, and thought I would try to get her. My +clap and cheap pokes, had not made me much in love with gay women; whose +free-and-easy ways somewhat shocked my timidity. Some time had elapsed +since I had had any others, and my mind naturally reverted to the nice +pokes I had had with servants. My chances were fewer than ever. One of +my sisters was now frequently at home, Tom no longer needed a servant +to be with him, and the housemaid was less frequently away from the +kitchen. But I felt myself more a man, my good fortunes made me feel +more sure of success, more prompt and determined in attack. + +At first I watched her closely and thought I must have seen her before. +A resemblance struck me, and I remarked to my mother, "How like that +girl is to Charlotte, who lived with us." "She is her sister," said she. +I was startled, for a feeling came over me that I ought not to try her. + +But it brought my liason with Charlotte vividly to my recollection. The +first meeting, the glimpse of her cunt as she got down from the cart, my +first grope, our first poke, were now constantly before me; and I longed +with all my heart to have her again, though I knew it was hopeless. + +Gradually my mind centered itself on Mary, and as I saw the resemblance +to her sister, I used to wonder how far the resemblance extended. +Whether her haunches were as large, her thighs as round, her cunt so +made, fringed, and dark, and so on; until I desired to have her, as much +for her resemblance to Charlotte, as for herself. Yet I had fear and +reluctance to make advances, because she was Charlotte's sister. + +Meanwhile I was chaste, was in good health and wanted a woman awfully. +Then I had a wet dream; dreamed I had Charlotte in my arms, that she ran +away and left me with Mary, who pulled up her clothes, and invited me to +fuck her. Before I could get in to her, I awakened, found that I was on +my back and was spending on my night-gown. + +I had heard much of these dreams, had had one partially, and now had +experienced a complete one. It threw me into a state of irritation, +but seemed to fix the hidden charms of Mary strongly in my imagination. +Desire so carried me away, that from gently rubbing and titillating +myself, I passed to frigging a discharge, whilst thinking of Mary's +cunt. + +In the morning I had the enervation I have always since felt after these +dreams, and my usual disgust at having frigged myself; a feeling which +was not allayed when I looked at my night-shirt. I had a dread of +letting it be seen, but left things as they were. Mary and the cook made +my bed, and must have seen it. Servants see funny things on beds often. +I wonder what they say, and what they think about it. It can't be easy +for a young woman to see sheets, and night-gowns, spunk-stained; without +its effecting her imagination baudily, and paving the way for somebody +to stain sheets and linen with herself. + +I gave up all idea of attacking Mary, but "cock and cunt will try to +get together." There is no use in resisting it. So again with no fixed +intention, but simply from pleasure for the time being, and impelled +by desire (all my silk handkerchiefs were gone and I was again without +money), and by opportunity, I got to courting, and we soon kissed. I had +pressed her belly against mine, got my hand on to the calf of her leg, +and was on the high road to the snatch at her cunt, which my experience +now told me was the right thing to do, when all came to an end. + +I went daily to the W---- Office returning about half-past four. One day +when about half-a-mile from home, a lady in black silk and with a dark +veil approached me; but as if she had made a mistake, when close to me, +turned on one side and passed on. I looked back and saw she was standing +still, then on she went, and so did I, and had nearly forgotten her, +when I heard quick footsteps in the rear, and some one saying, "Mister +Walter, don't you know me?" I turned round, stopped and tried to see who +it was, but the veil prevented it. She hesitated an instant, then lifted +it, and I saw Charlotte. + +With flushed face, bright eyes and a gentle smile, she looked exquisite. +My heart beat tumultuously, my love returned in an instant. I put my arm +round her, and regardless of the publicity of the place, gave a kiss. +There was it is true scarcely anyone about, but she as well as me when +I had done it, saw the impropriety. "Don't, for God's sake," said she, +"what will people think?" "Let us walk," said I, and pulling her arm +through mine, on we went; I looking into her face all the way, noticing +how much the time which had passed had improved her, and overwhelming +her with questions. I felt overjoyed, as if again I should possess her, +and old times had returned. She for a few minutes seemed to give way +to similar elation. Just then I saw a gentleman named Courtauld +approaching, he was our next-door neighbour. We nodded as we passed, +but the incident altered the current of our thoughts. I led her down a +turning where there were scarcely any people, and saying, "I am so glad +old Courtauld did not see me, for his brother lives just by us, and his +old servant is often there and knows me." She relapsed into silence. I +went on chatting of the happy times we had had, and the pleasures we had +tasted together. She remarked, "Oh! pray don't talk of that any more, +recollect I am married, let me say what I have come to say, and then I +must go." + +"To say to me?" said I. "Pray don't misunderstand me, I thought you +would excuse it," said she getting confused, "besides it is my duty, and +of course knowing what I do about you, I was so afraid of something." +"What do you mean?" "Well if I had known where she was going to I would +have made mother stop it, now I come at once to ask you not to hurt +her." I proposed going into a small half-country ale-house close by, but +she refused saying, that if seen to do so, and it became known to her +husband, it might cause much harm. "Oh! no," said she in a hurry again, +"I must go, I must get back, I came to ask you not to hurt her, promise +you won't for my sake." All this time I was in a fog. "Who--who,--what +do you mean?" said I. "Oh you know,--Mary, I mean Mary, she is my +favorite sister, pray don't harm her." The whole affair was clear to me +at once. "It that what you came about?" I asked disappointed. "Yes, I +have been coming for a fortnight, but could not make up my mind; her +last letter made me determine at any risk to do so, and now dear, +promise me not to hurt her, and I will go." + +I was annoyed and wounded in vanity, for I had almost brought myself to +think she had come for the pleasure of meeting me. I had no intention of +quitting her so soon, felt as if I could not, so chaffed her, "What do +you mean by hurting her?" "Don't talk nonsense, you know what I mean." +"Another case of cock and cunt coming together." "If you talk like +that, you insult me, and I did not think you would." "Well, I love you +and would not like to hurt your feelings, what you really mean is, that +I am not to try to do it to her." "Why of course, don't ruin her, that +is what I mean." + +We had walked without any intention on my part to the outskirts of our +village, where the pew-opener's house was in which Charlotte and I had +spent many an hour in love's frolics. The house was in sight, the hope +of again having her came to my mind. In her excitement, which was as +great if not greater than mine, she had not noticed where we were, until +quite at the angle. The pew-opener was at the door, gave me a nod, and +thinking it possible I might be coming in I suppose, left the door ajar. +"Come in," said I. "Never! oh! no, you have brought me here purposely." +I saw there would be difficulty. "Here is that old Courtauld's +house-maid, damn her," said I. "Where,--where,--which way?" said she +looking in alarm in all directions, but unable to see clearly through +her veil. "There,--there," "just step inside the door till she has +past." She stepped in quickly, the next instant I half pulled, half +hustled her through the little door into the bed-room, slammed the door, +locked it, and stood still, half afraid of my own boldness. She went +to the window and began to peer through the blinds to see the old +housemaid. + +"I can't see her," said she, "she must have passed, tell me which +way she went, and let me go." "Not yet. What do you want about Mary?" +"Promise for my sake, you won't try to ruin her." "Well, let us have +a longer talk, how do you know I want to do so?" "I know you do." "Sit +down." "I cannot." "Then I won't promise, why should I?" "Oh! don't be a +blackguard, don't oh! don't,--you shant have her, I will take care," and +then she burst out crying. + +I loved her so that I felt I would do anything to please her; but wanted +her so much, that I could be cruel enough to do or say anything to have +her again. Desire was the stronger. The sofa, the bed, the room, her +beauty, all made me feel savage with lust, so I temporized. "I am so +excited," said I, "I scarcely know what to say, what to do, tell me +more, what you know, what you want, for all this stems so strange to +me,--sit down." "No." "Sit down only while you tell me." "No." But I +laid hold of her and pushed her on to the sofa, and there I held her, +and after beseeching her to be quiet and kiss me, she did so. Then she +sat for a minute, drying her tears, and began her tale and her request. + +"Mary is my favourite sister, she lived with us for a year after I +married, but mother wanted her and she went home. She grew tired of +being at home, went to service, did not like it and went home again; +again grew weary; and to my astonishment, the last time I went to see +the old people, found she had gone to live with your mother. I was +frightened for her sake, for I love her dearly." "Why frightened?" I +asked. "Why frightened? don't I know you, do you think I have forgotten +all?" "I never thought of doing her harm." "Perhaps not," she replied, +"but I would not trust my sister near you, if she had the least liking +for you, or you for her." I protested I was indifferent to her. "Why +kiss her and squeeze her so?" I began denying it, and she stopped me +saying vehemently, "Now don't tell stories, you never did to me, I know +all, I know you do, you mean her harm, or if you don't, harm will come +of it. Look, here is her letter," and she put it into my hands. To +my astonishment I found Mary had told her sister all, mixed with warm +encomiums of me. I was shut up, and could only say I meant no harm. +"Perhaps! but harm must come of it. It nearly brought me to ruin, for +I would have done anything, lived anyhow to keep near you; but I have +escaped it. Poor Mary may not, for you are older now and may do more +harm! she is a different temper from me, and in despair will go wrong +altogether; so I pray you if you loved me, not to injure her for my +sake. If she came to harm, I should break my heart," and she broke again +into tears, getting up at the same time to go. + +I pulled her back and kissed her tears away. "Charlotte, we cannot meet +and part like this, I love you still, I have never ceased to love and +think of you, oh! let me." I could say no more, for in my eyes then +there was a sanctity about a married woman which stilled my tongue. "Oh! +let me," was all I could say. + +She understood what I wanted, and replied, "I am married and cannot, +let me go." At my entreaties she kissed me freely, yet all the time +struggled to get up. + +I thought to myself, "You have had her. She loves you still. Think of +the pleasure you have had with her. Here she is in your power, and +cannot escape without a riot, which she will fear." Kissing her fiercely, +stifling her voice with my mouth, "I must, I will have you again," I +pulled her violently back on the sofa, and had my hand on her thighs in +an instant. + +"Oh! don't, for the love of God, think I am married, don't make me +afraid of myself; oh! take care, you crush my bonnet, what shall I do, +how shall I get home?" Holding her tight, I dragged the bonnet off her +head, and recommenced. We made such a noise, that the old pew-opener +knocked at the door and asked if anything was the matter. + +"By God," said I, "either I will have you, or you shant go out of this +house this night," and so I struggled on through tears and entreaties, +threats, kissings and promises, till with broken voice her head sunk +back, her struggles ceased, her legs opened, my hand slipped over her +smooth thighs, and nestled in the warm moist slit it had so often toyed +with in time gone by. It is nigh fifteen years since that delicious +afternoon, but I recollect my sensations as I touched her cunt, as well +as if it had been but yesterday. + +Resistance had ceased, for a moment in silent enjoyment I laid with my +fingers in their warm lodging, then too impatient to get to the bed, or +take the full luxury of my fortune, I arranged her on the sofa as well +as its size permitted, with her petticoats up in a heap, and with my +trowsers half unbuttoned, flung myself upon her, and entered the +smooth channel in which I first had spent my virginity. Frantic with +excitement, the pleasure came on ere I was in full up her. She, excited +and loving, clutched me tightly in her arms, whilst her cunt and belly +moved sympathetically. In too short a time we spent together. + +My position was a fatiguing one, I was half on, half off the sofa; hers +was but little less so, yet as long as our privates would keep together, +we kept them so. I poured out my love to her, and joyed to hear from +her that she loved me still. But our position could not last for ever; +gradually I slipped off. My prolonged embrace, my sensuous imagination, +and my love for her had told so upon me; that I was already +contemplating the pleasure of another poke, a desire to see her charms +came over me, I went on to my knees and had a glimpse between the open +thighs, of the half open cunt, from which a love-drop was rolling. She +pushed down her clothes, and sat up, looking at me, and blushing like +the most modest of maidens. + +It is extraordinary what objection so many women have to a man's looking +closely at their cunts. A woman will stand naked, lay naked on her +belly, or bum, stand with one leg on a chair, kneel with one leg on the +bed, be looked at frontways, backways, sideways, and be pleased with the +admiration. You may lay and kiss the outside, put your fingers up and +probe it, rub your knuckles into it, tickle or frig it; but directly +you want to pull the lips open, to see the hole which lays hidden by the +hairy outer lips, to see where your prick is longing to hide its head; +they object, put their thighs together, say, "No, it is not to be looked +at." Or if angrily pressed, reluctantly half yield, throw themselves +down, so as to put their back to the light, lifting one leg so as to +hide the light, and using every manoeuvre to prevent you looking closely +at it; and if you desire to look when it's laden with the efforts of +your love, they will struggle to prevent you. Gay or modest, it is the +same among the English; although a gay lady will yield to please her +friend. With the French the objection is less, a French gay woman +will pull open her cunt with her own hands, and let you pull open her +arse-hole if you can and like it. I have known a few women of other +nations and even of my own as free and easy, but the rule is as I say. +This cannot be modesty. I rather imagine it results from a fear that +some discharge will show itself, and sicken the man's appetite. + +Up jumped Charlotte, and went into the adjoining room. I heard her +splashing away a long time at her cunt, and went to her. I had no desire +to wash away from my person, anything which had come from hers. She +pushed me back. I had a glimpse of her, naked to her waist, washing +something. She said, "My linen is in such a mess I have been obliged to +wash it." She had found much spunk upon it, and washed it for fear of +being found out. She put a petticoat over her neck to hide her charms, +the chemise was so wet that it was almost impossible for her to put it +on, and she did not know what to do. + +"Good God, you will catch your death of cold." I rang the bell and gave +it to the old woman to dry. "Now," said I, "you cannot go, it is of +no use, I must have you again, and will see all your charms, I had +you first, I have had you again, and again I will have you; don't be +foolish, all harm is done." + +Crying, entreating and saying she was married, I got her on to the bed, +and stripping myself was soon folded in her arms. My prick was ready, +she had struggled hard, now saw it was useless, and lay in all her +beauty before me, her head on the pillow and her eyes closed, leaving me +to work my will. + +I saw her as leisurely as my throbbing prick would let me from head to +foot, that she had grown stouter, taller, and was now a splendid woman. +Her breasts were full and hard, her buttock large and solid, her thighs +more rounded, the hair of her cunt thicker. Curiously I opened its lips +and put my finger in, to see if marriage had made any difference, but +was far too young and inexperienced to find it out, if there had been +any. It seemed the dear old split which had so often given me pleasure +before; that look and feel finished me, in another second my ballocks +were bang-iny away against her bum, and she met my embraces with +fervour which too soon came to an end. Repose followed, the luscious +tongue-kisses ceased, our sighs stopped, and we fell asleep. + +But not for long. The wet chemise was brought back. That off her mind +into bed I got with her. The coach by which she now could go home did +not leave until eight o'clock, hurry was of no use; with my finger in +her quim, side by side, mouth to mouth, we laid and talked. + +Her anxiety was about her sister, whom I swore I never would attempt. +That settled her. She wanted to know all about me, that was soon told. +I never mentioned Mary's name, although she asked after her. Then I was +curious about her married life, how she got over her marriage night, how +often he poked her, and so on. I got but little out of her, beyond that +he had not discovered that she had been fucked before, and that he was +a good husband to her; my other questions she said were disgraceful. I +felt mad to think that another man should put his prick where my fingers +then were, so I asked if she enjoyed it with him, whereupon she burst +into a passionate flood of tears, and it closed with her saying, +"Whether I love him or not, he is a good fellow to me, and if I am found +out and disgraced it will serve me right." Would she meet me again? +"Never, never, I love you still, but never again." It ended in another +fuck. + +And so it went on till the time for going. Never in my life up to that +time had desire been so strong in me. When I knew she must go I insisted +on again doing it, but could not come up to the scratch, until with a +sharp frig it stiffened and again it was put up her. What a long hard +poke it was, what a test of my manhood, how proud was I when with a +sharp and sudden pleasure I felt my spunk squirting up her dear quim, +and a spasmodic clutch, a sharp sob and "dear Walter," escaping from her +told me she had spent with me. + +She washed, I dressed, swearing I would never wash my prick again till +I saw her. "I have poked you darling, five times," said I in triumph. +It was the first time I think I ever had done so, but am not sure, +and proud enough I felt. We soon relapsed into sadness and tears, and +telling our love to each other, parted at the coach-. stand. + +I was mad again for her; had now money, and twice went down to the place +to get a glimpse at her and failed, but saw her husband in the shop. We +stared at each other. I wonder if he felt that I should have liked-to +throttle him, for so I did. I wrote and got no reply. I pumped her +sister, to see if I could learn where she walked or went, and got no +information; indeed soon lost opportunity for suddenly her sister left +us. Her father came to ask my mother to excuse her on account of his +wife's illness, and she never came back. I have but little doubt it was +only to get her away from our house, and that it was Charlotte's doings. +I never saw Charlotte again, though I still may do so; but to this day +I have an affection for her, and although she must be forty, should like +to poke her. + +Next year, one day my mother opened a letter, it was from the E------ +family; and read aloud little scraps of it to me, and my sisters who +were in the room. "That family is all doing very well," said she; "Mary +who was with us but three months last year is married." She went on +reading, "And Charlotte's husband has taken a large shop and is making +money.--Ah! I am very glad of it, for she was a nice respectable girl. +Oh! here,--and has just been confined with a fine boy.--I am very glad," +said mother. I looked and found it was nine months after Tom's birthday, +and that that day nine months some one had fucked Charlotte five times. +I was delighted. + +My appointment now made it needful to dine late, so we reverted to a six +o'clock dinner. This neither suited the cook nor housemaid; both left, +and two new servants came. I was about nineteen years old. + +The cook whose name was Brown was clean, fat, and wholesome to look at, +and I should say forty-five years old. She must have weighed sixteen +stone. The width across her arse as I eyed it outside her dress, looked +greater than that of Mary the cook; there was a roguish twinkle in her +eye, which made her look like a good-tempered monthly nurse, her eyes +were blue and her hair brown. + +Harriet the housemaid was very tall, and very sallow, had jet-black hair +and black eyes, with the expression of a serpent in them. She showed +splendid teeth when she laughed, and then looked half cat, half hyena. +She never looked you in the face long, was so quiet in her movements +that the cat moved less noiselessly; she startled you by being close to +you when you did not know she was near, and had a sneering laugh. After +a day or two my mother remarked she did not like the pair, and was sorry +she had engaged them. + +Up to this time I had only poked two servants, Charlotte and Mary. +Others had not been to my taste. With one I tried it on and failed, and +when randy now could not help thinking of the couple in the house. I +tried it on with Harriet, but she so snubbed me, that I set her down as +an impregnable virgin. Then I turned my eyes to Brown, though it seemed +absurd to think of such a fat middle-aged woman; but I one day chanced +to see that she had a very fat pair of calves, and I knew she must have +a big arse; and as fat legs had an irresistible attraction for me, I +tried to see more of them, but without the thought of taking liberties +with their owner. + +I saw her legs again, from thinking of them and her rump, my mind +naturally went to her cunt, which I pictured must be very thick-lipped +and hairy like that of Sarah's, whose cunt had made a great impression +on me. Her age then seemed to fade from my mind, and I used to follow +her when going upstairs, trying to see her legs, and flattering myself +she did not see what I was after, but she knew it as well as I did. + +One day going upstairs she stumbled upon her dress, and as if to prevent +doing it again, held it up, so as to show nearly to her knees. When she +got on the top stair she turned round, and as if she had only just seen +me, dropped her dress quickly. Another time she stooped and jutted out +her bum, so that I saw a good deal up the clothes, whilst she pretended +to be doing something to her boot. It seemed to me accidental, but it +was all intentional. + +Then my prick used to stand when I saw her. About nine o'clock one +morning she came into the garden when I was there, and gathered +some herbs. Her stooping posture gave me a cock-stand, and under its +influence I joked her about her legs and my seeing them. She gave a +suppressed laugh and saying, "Lawd! did you sir?" went down into the +kitchen. What made me go down I do not know, but five minutes afterwards +I did so; and just by the kitchen door, saw her with one leg on a chair, +putting up her garter. + +I stood stock still and silent. She adjusted one garter neatly, then put +up her other leg, unrolled the garter, pulled up the stocking and put on +the garter quite deliberately. I saw the flesh of her large thighs, for +her garters were tied above the knees, and she pulled up her petticoats +freely. Putting down her clothes she turned round, saw me, then with a +grin said, "Lawd sir, how you startled me." + +Bursting with randiness I lost all prudence. Mother, sister, Tom, and +the other servant were about the house, but up to the cook I went, +whispering, "I saw your legs, what jolly ones, what thighs, what a cunt +you must have, let's have a feel," and got one hand up her clothes. +She pushed me away saying, "Hish! here is missis." It was a lie, but it +frightened me away. + +The same evening I went downstairs after our dinner. The housemaid had +been sent to the circulating library. Mother, sister and Tom were, as +they usually were after dinner, when the weather was warm; sitting in +the summer-house at the bottom of the garden. I usually sat with them, +but slinked into the house, and down into the kitchen; which being +underground was darkish, although then it was light until eight o'clock. +Cook when she saw me, grinned and became familiar, for she was a regular +old stager, and knew well, that when a man wanted to take liberties with +her, she might safely take them with him. "What do you want?" "To feel +your cunt," said I, "see your legs, feel that crummy rump of yours, +cookey." "Then you won't," said she laughing, and lifting a heavy +saucepan off the fire with both hands, she carried it towards the sink +in the back kitchen. Randy and ready, I saw my opportunity; and as she +neared the sink, thrust both hands up her clothes, grasped her arse, and +was fumbling for her slit; when putting down the saucepan with a bang, +she flung round, and hit me such a slap on the head as knocked me over, +saying, "Why, you young devilskin, it would serve you right to tell your +mother of your capers," and then she stood and laughed at me. + +I persisted, kissed the old party, and told her how I wanted her, for +indeed at that moment I would have fucked her, if she had been eighty. +She repulsed me saying in a whisper, "Harriet is upstairs." "She is +going out," said I. "Wait till she has, if she hears you, she will make +mischief." As I felt this might be true, I desisted. + +I went back to the garden thinking, and hoping mother and sister would +not go indoors. When Harriet had gone oft, I went back into the garden +parlour quite leisurely (for mother could see me do that), then down to +the cook. It was nearly dark. In a minute I had pushed her up against +the dresser, was groping her, and she was feeling my prick and ballocks +with seemingly hearty enjoyment. She opened her legs to give me every +facility. I attempted to get into her, but her clothes and big belly +prevented me. She held my prick against her cunt, so that it pushed +against her orifice, but did not go up it; and such was my state, that +I spent against it. She kept hold of the prick, rubbing it, and gently +squeezing it, until not a drop of sperm was left in it. Then for fear +of being found out, upstairs I went again. The whole business, had not +occupied five minutes. + +I had once spent by accident in Mary's hand, and had fear lest it should +disgust her. There was something about this affair, which seemed quite +different. I could scarcely make out how, with a cunt close to my prick, +I had spent as I had done. The next night came, I tried it on at the +same hour with the same result. She not only let me feel her, but put +my fingers to her cunt, at a place where she wished me to rub her, she +meanwhile frigging away at my prick. But I wanted more than this, and +just as it was too late, she let me put my prick in. At the first spurt +of my spunk, she by a twist threw my prick out, and caught hold of +it with her fingers, letting me spend over her thighs and linen, but +squeezing and frigging at my doodle until it had shrunk thoroughly down. + +For a month the same thing occasionally happened. She would let me +finger, feel, rub her (in the nearly darkened kitchen), putting one leg +on a chair, or stooping down, or any way to let me feel both inside and +outside well. When I got my prick out, she immediately began to frig it. +I used to have quiet rows with her, for not letting me put it into her; +and when at length she did, I was always near spending; and do not think +that more than once, I spent up her completely, so did she manage to +throw me out just as my sperm began to flow. All was done standing up. + +She treated me like some one she had known for years, did everything +before me, talked both baudily, and beastly, called my balls, my cods, +and used to say, "Hish! let me piss first." Then she would sit down on a +pail in the back kitchen and piss, sometimes farting, and saying, "oh!" +with a laugh, when she did so. She would belch without ceremony, blow +her nose through her fingers, and I noticed she never washed her hands +(whilst I was present at all events), when I had spent upon them. +She would say, "How are your cods off for starch to-night?" She was +complaisant enough in letting me feel, would turn her backside round and +let me fumble about it anyhow, but although want made me do what I did, +it never seemed quite pleasant to me, and I disliked her. I never got a +glimpse of her belly or cunt. If the front-kitchen was not dark enough, +she moved to the back, before we began our pranks, and scrupulously +avoided light. Her cunt I felt was a large one, but so far from having +the quantity of hair I expected, she seemed scarcely to have any. One +thing she did which annoyed me. After feeling my cock, she would slide +her hands under the balls to my arse-hole which she would press hard +with her middle-finger, giving a "tchick" with her tongue, at the same +time. + +All this took place in about six weeks. "Hush!" said she one night, +"some one is listening." I could hear nothing, but she whispered, "Go up +to the garden." I did. It was dusk, and I thought I saw a figure enter +the garden parlour, just as I got up the garden stairs. All were out +but me and the two servants. Cook at the same time went up the +kitchen-stairs, calling out loudly, "Harriet, is Master at home, do you +know?" + +A few days afterwards when at our fun, we stood in the door jamb; +Harriet was at the top of the house. Said cook, "If I push you hard by +the shoulders, go out into the garden at once, without saying a word." +It was nearly dark. The kitchen garden-door was shut, but she opened it +wide, before we went to work. I had my prick against her cunt, when a +push came; off I went buttoning up, and after a time across the garden, +into the parlor. Afterwards Harriet brought up lights, her eyes cast +down as usual. The next day the cook whispered to me, "It was that bitch +Harriet watching, I found her coming downstairs with her shoes off, +saying she wanted a candle;--but I will be even with her." + +I never had the cook but once after that. She would not let me. The two +servants quarrelled so, that my mother threatened to dismiss both. When +I tried it on with Brown, she said, "Why don't you ask Harriet, you +young devilskin?" I told her there was no chance. She said she was quite +sure that I should not be the first. Another day she repeated it saying, +"I bet she will let you, the baker has had her I believe." Then she put +me up to watching the baker with Harriet. The man came in the afternoon. +Just when I returned one afternoon, I posted myself at the garden +entrance-gate from the fore-court, from which door ajar, I could see the +street-door. The baker after giving her a kiss, made a poke at her quim +outside her clothes, which she returned by knocking a loaf against his +trowsers just by his tool, and laughing. This I told the cook, who said, +"She will let you, if you try, young devilskin, she has seen you and +your cods naked." "Seen me naked?" "Both of us have," and then she told +me how. + +Opposite my bed-room door at the end of the room, was a cheval-glass, +between it and the door was my sponging bath, then a big tub. Any one +looking through the key-hole could see me naked, when I was in it. +I took the bath directly I was up, which was at about the time the +servants went down. Many a time have I looked at myself naked in the +glass, making my prick stand, to see how I looked in that condition. +Both servants had seen me so. They had sometimes arranged the key so as +to leave the hole clear. Never had it occurred to me that I should be +so looked at, although I had often looked through a key-hole myself, +at women. The cook made this clear to me, by standing in the tub and +requesting me to look at her through the keyhole. + +We arranged that I should bathe the next morning and suddenly open the +door. "Pull your cods about well, and I warrant Harriet will look as +long as she can," she said. I did so, heard the servants door carefully +open, and then frigged my cock, till it was as stiff as a poker. +Stepping out of the bath with a towel, as if to dry myself, I opened the +door suddenly, and found Harriet just rising from a stooping position. +She rushed downstairs but quietly for fear of awaking my mother. For all +that I could not make up my mind to try Harriet, but tried to get Brown +again. "No thank you, young devilskin," said she "not with that bitch of +Harriet about." + +Then I had a strange erotic fancy. Randy with abstinence and fearful of +Harriet, I took to frigging and spending against a piece of paper pinned +against the wall of my room, opposite to the glass, and when standing in +the tub. + +Autumn was coming. As I could not then get leave of absence, my mother +with my sister from school, and little brother, went without me on a +visit to my aunt in H--f--shire, leaving an old female relative who was +very deaf, to take charge in her absence. Cautioning her especially to +make me comfortable, and look sharp after the servants, she said that +she could not bear them and would perhaps dismiss them on her return; +for she had heard them using foul language to each other. I heard this. + +Cook gave me unasked her opinion, that Harriet would let me sleep with +her. Instigated by her, I asked Harriet how I looked naked. She did not +reply, and went downstairs. I overheard them quarrelling. Afterwards I +asked her before the cook. She did not know what I meant, she said. +I then asked the cook if she had not been looking at me through the +key-hole. Cook laughed saying, "He caught you, Harriet once, he caught +you." "You are a liar," said Harriet. "Oh! if it comes to that," said +cook, "we have both seen you naked a dozen times." There was a row +interrupted by my deaf relative coming home. The same afternoon cook +whispered to me, "Come to our room when we are both in bed." + +That night with candle in my hand and in my nightshirt I crept +stealthily into their room; both were awake, Harriet sat up in bed +staring at me. When I entered cook asked me what I wanted. I replied, +"To see as much of them as they had seen of me," and pulled up my +night-gown to my waist. Cook laughed, Harriet said, "Now leave the +room." "If you are a fool and make a row," said cook, "we shall be both +sent off." Just then we did hear some sort of noise, cook sat up and +listened. "It is nothing," said she, and with a grin laid down. I drew +off my night-shirt, standing then naked, and Harriet laying down with a +modest look; I felt encouraged, extinguished the light, and jumped into +bed by the side of Harriet. The bed was so small I was obliged to hold +on to her, to prevent myself falling out. She turned round her bum +towards me and got close to the cook, which gave me more room; and for a +minute we all three lay as close as three herrings in a barrel. + +Darkness encourages baudiness. Harriet had tucked her clothes tight +round her, but I could feel her bum outside, and there did not seem much +of it. I tried to push my fingers between its cheeks, and there was +much struggling and quiet complaining on her part, and joking on mine. +Harriet appealed to the cook to help her, but she only chaffed and +chuckled. At length putting my hand towards the bottom of the bed, I got +hold of her night-gown end, gave it a pull, and it came clean up, the +next moment my naked body met hers from her heels to her waist. She gave +a howl, cook said, "I'll go into young devilskin's room, and leave you +to take care of him," got up and went across to my room, and into my +bed; and there was Harriet and I in bed alone. + +She seemed furious, I felt her over, she was powerless, I dared her +to call out, and at last in one of her writhings to escape my fingers, +getting on her back; I rolled on to her and pinned her under me with my +weight; but her legs were tightly closed, and so for a moment I laid +my stiff prick between the shelving of her thighs, the tip just laying +buried in the hair of her cunt. + +"I can feel your cunt with my prick, I am on it, let me do it," said I, +and struggled to force her limbs open with my knees. + +"No," said she. Again I asked and got a request to get off. "Not if I +lay here all night," said I. I did lay for some minutes, she complaining +of my being heavy, and hot; I every minute trying to wriggle my prick +between her legs, coaxing and kissing, and begging. "What made you think +of coming here with both of us in bed?" said she at length. "Wanting +you." "It's funny," said she, "and Mrs. ------ downstairs." "You know," +said I, "that unless you bawl she cannot hear." At length I told her +that if I did not do it inside, I must do it outside, and began shoving +my prick up and down, which made her restless. She asked me if I would +tell the cook. "No." Gradually her thighs opened, I slipped down between +them, and felt my prick at the portals of her cunt. + +The rest was quick enough. I felt my way through a mass of hair to +a low-down slit, a hole which seemed tight, and as I guided my tool, +fancied for an instant I was again going to have a virgin. I was +mistaken, but the entry needed a hard, sharp, and painful push to me, +and a comparatively easy passage followed. No sooner did I feel up, than +all came to an end, spending copiously I sunk on her, long before the +strokes could have told on her sensations, for in a savage voice she +said, "Now, get off, I hope you are satisfied, and that beast Brown has +got me as she thinks. Now, I suppose you are going." + +I rolled off, but let her know I meant to stay. There seemed something +odd about her which awakened my curiosity. The knob of my tool seemed +to catch as it came out and hurt me, so I began feeling, which I had not +done before, nor did she want much solicitation to feel me, and as she +did so, it struck me she was not unaccustomed to the feel; but her cunt +was a wonder, it was so small and tight on the outside. The feeling +had a good effect, and in half-an-hour I got up her again. And what a +difference! After a few thrusts she gripped me like a vice, she did not +heave, but writhed and wriggled in a way which in my young experience I +never had noticed before; she threw her long legs round me and with her +equally long arms tried to feel my balls from behind. Then a certain +feeling of constriction in her cunt seemed to hurt, but it brought me to +the crisis just as with a last wriggle and sigh her limbs relaxed, and +she became quiet. I laid for some time in her, but although gradually +reducing, my prick did not come out. I attempted to withdraw it, and +it seemed sore and as if something caught the knob and kept it back. At +length out it came, and we both fell asleep. + +Some one pushed me. It was the cook. "Now young devilskin," said she, +"be off, or you will be found out." It was broad daylight. She pulled +the clothes off us. I was on my back with my privates visible. There lay +Harriet on her back also, with everything visible from her knees to her +breasts, and I saw for the first time her black cunt-fringe. The cook +grined and awakened her. Up she got, off I went to my room, and found my +prepuce torn at the top, raw and all but bleeding. + +When I saw them the next day Harriet was savage, for the cook was +chaffing her. The next night I again turned the cook out and had +Harriet. On the third night the cook was restive. "You may do what you +like together, I shant take any notice of you," said she, "but I am not +going to be turned out of my own bed." When I began to fumble about +her, with the view-to annoy her into leaving, she struck out right at +my bal-locks saying, "If you annoy me, I will soon settle you for the +night," and it ended in Harriet coming into my bed-room. + +I examined every part of her body much against her will, nor did she +fail when she warmed under my overhauling to look at me. But a woman is +soon satisfied, and when she has squeezed the balls, and looked at the +tip, she has done. Some men--and I am one--are insatiable and could +look at a cunt without taking their eyes off for a month. So I satisfied +myself well, and at times afterwards,--for she was a peculiar, and an +unpleasant woman in every way, one of the out-of-the-way ones not often +met with, and one I never want to meet again. + +She was quite five feet ten high, her face was sallow and nearly white, +her eyes sloe black, but with the look of a dull serpent in them, her +mouth large, long, and straight, teeth white and large, and the whole +were shown when she laughed, and then she had half the look of a wild +beast. Whenever she smiled baudily, her look was still more unpleasant; +when thoroughly lewed, her eyes opened on you with a still worse stare; +often just before she spent I have seen them, and they startled me. + +Her hair was jet black and magnificent, it fell nearly to her waist; her +shoulders were broad, but there was scarcely more breast than on a girl +of fourteen, and seen sideways she looked more like a man than a woman. +Her ribs you could count as she lay; she was very wide across her hips, +but she had almost as little flesh on her buttocks, as on her shoulders; +her belly was flat, and as she laid down seemed to fall in, and the +sides rose to the two projecting hip-bones; in fact she seemed to want +filling up all over, and yet she was not like a skeleton. + +Her legs were thin, her thighs seemed closer than in other women's. I +used to say when fucking her, "Open your thighs." "They are open," she'd +reply, "they are the same as other women's." She had a huge conceit of +herself, and if I said other women's seem to open more, used to reply, +"What do you know about it?" + +Her cunt was set in a quantity of longish black hair, strong but not +very curly. I didn't much like the look of that. The slit quite hidden +by the hair was long and the lips thin; of inner lips she had none, and +the first idea as I pulled aside the hair was that the cunt was large; +instead of that, low down, and near to her arse-hole was a hole not +bigger than that of a girl's of ten years; you saw both holes quite +close together. Her cunt was in fact a study. Something seemed to bar +the passage; for about an inch further up it seemed smaller. The whole +thing seemed out of proportion, yet I could not say how, or where that +deformity was, with the experience I then had. + +Her arse being so flat, her cunt-hole so low, and her thighs so close, +my prick as it entered seemed to bend under in some way and hurt me; my +tight prepuce was often torn rudely down, and frequently bled. When I +probed her cunt with my finger it never seemed to have the soft buttery +feel I had been accustomed to, but to be harsh; so I found it best to +wet my prick copiously with spittle when I had her. Then off we used to +go; she raising her long legs until her heels were above my buttocks, +writhing and wriggling under me and finishing her pleasure with a sort +of snort. Then my prick would be up her until quite small, when with +pain at the knob, I pulled it out, making a sucking noise as it came +away; nor do I think till pulled out, that any spunk left her, such a +fit it was at the mouth. + +I had much opportunity with her for a few weeks, and she took good care +that she would have her fill of me. She took sleeping with me as a mater +of course. I used to awaken and find her twiddling it up. If I went up +to my room in the middle of the day and Mrs. ------ was out, she came up +directly, and I had her, for I felt ashamed to say I did not want it. I +am not sure, and at that time did not know much about the thing, and how +little a woman really lascivious will stop at, but believe that in the +night when I was asleep, she used to suck me up; for I have awakened and +found her with her face upon my doodle kissing it. She asked me to kiss +her black pussy, and now think she must have wanted me to lick it, but +did not then see what she wanted. There was one thing I did with her +which I had not done before, and which the flatness of her backside +favored doing, fuck her from behind, both laying on our sides, and it +became my favorite way. I used to go to sleep after my spend with my +prick up her in that fashion; she with her long arm put between her +thighs clutching by balls. + +I was constantly at her, and more by her randiness than mine. The cook +used to grin and say, "Well young devilskin, you seem jolly well knocked +up," and made Harriet savage by saying, "Have a little mercy on him." +The cook now took no notice of me, she was a coarse beast, would go to +the servants' closet leaving the door wide open, and begin to talk with +me as I passed; Harriet called her a beast one day for doing so. + +I found that the cook after going to her room used to go down again. +Harriet would let her out and she stayed out all night, Harriet letting +her in in the morning. One night Harriet did the same, saying her mother +was ill. I spoke to the cook about it; she said, "Her mother! pugh--she +goes to see the baker." I began to feel very uncomfortable about these +tricks in case it came to my mother's ears, and that I knew of them. + +The cook asked me to look carefully at Harriet's belly, and explained +to me that I should find certain marks of her having had a child, and to +tell her (cook) if I did. I could not find them. "I am sure she has had +one for all that," said cook. I never told Harriet what I had looked +for. The cook one day said, "If you tell Harriet what we have done +together I will split on you both and tell your mother. I don't care a +dam for the place and am tired of service," so I held my tongue. Harriet +always declared she was a virgin until she had me, and that the cook had +had two or three children. I did not tell Brown that, for fear of a row +between them. Another night that Harriet stopped out, the cook said, +"You may come to me if you are frightened to sleep alone." I went. She +undressed, pissed and farted; but seeing her fat form, into the bed I +got. When I was stiff she said if I would tell all about my doings with +Harriet I might poke her as I liked. I told her most that she asked me; +but she threw my prick out just as I spent for all that. + +Things were now uncomfortable, they quarreled so. One night I asked +Harriet who was frigging me up, whether the baker did not do it enough +to her. She dropped my tool, rushed across to the cook, said that she +had been telling about her, and made such a row, that even my deaf +relative was awakened, and came out of her bed-room asking from below if +anything was the matter. I was on the landing when I saw the light and +hopped across to my own room in a fright. Up came the old lady, the +cook came out and said, "Harriet is very unwell Maam, can you give her a +little brandy?" I had no fuck that night. The next night she began about +the baker. I would answer nothing. She said, "If I have had him it's my +affair; at all events it's an insult to a woman whom you never gave the +slightest present to yet." + +I was struck with that. My allowance was due, and I took her home some +article of jewelry. She made me for the ensuing week fuck her till I +was as dry as a bone, and my very arse-hole ached the last time I did +it,--it was the day before my mother returned. She sat on the side of +my bed and frigged me for a quarter of an hour before she got it stiff, +saying that I did not seem to like her as I used to. + +My mother and sister came back. I never got a poke for a fortnight. When +mother returned nothing would get it out of her head, that I had not +been out late of night; it never _could_ be got out of her head that it +was late at night that did the harm. Not being able to get Harriet now, +I waited for her one night as she went to the library. As I got near a +wall by our house, I saw a man and a woman standing close up against it +together; the man went away directly I approached, and I saw Harriet. +"There was a man with you?" said I. "Yes," said she, "it was the baker, +whom you have heard such stories about, I am going to marry him." I +pulled up her clothes, and to my surprise she resisted, for the first +time saying, "I want to piddle," which she did, and then I had her. Her +height made an uprighter easy, her quim did not seem to need so much +wetting as usual. + +A day or two after this event I came home, my deaf relative opened the +door. Finding that she was laying the cloth, I asked, "Where is the +servant?" My mother said, she had turned both the hussies away, and +the people who gave their characters ought to be prosecuted. With heart +beating I asked what was the matter. "It's not needful for you to +know," she replied, "they are a bad couple." I saw at once I was not +implicated, so asked no more, nor did I ever see them again; though +about ten years after, I met in the streets a tall gaunt haggard woman +who stared at me, and I think it was Harriet. + +For some years this episode seemed a funny one, especially the cook's +uncunting me just as I began to spend, but of course I know now why she +did it, or fancy I do. + +Her inciting me to get Harriet also astonished me, but I have since +found girls anxious to get others into the same way as themselves. Many +I am sure like doing that, and all girls who have been fucked illicitly +like other girls to do the same. + +Harriet was a lewed bitch. I never liked her, and her cunt always gave +me pain as well as pleasure, but she was at hand, and so I got into her +of course. I can't even now make out what was the matter with her cunt; +for though she would let me look at it at times, she always hindered +a quiet inspection, besides I could not at that time of life look at +a cunt for a minute without my cock standing. Then I rushed it up the +machine and had done for a time. I had seen one virginity, but that was +but for a minute, for I pricked it directly. All I recollect afterwards +was that it did not look as open as other cunts, I could not describe +it. I did not care about virginities and never thought about them. I +liked best a good, large, fat-lipped, hairy hole into which my prick +glided easily. When Harriet said I took her virginity, somehow I felt +sure she was lying, but had it been true I should not have noticed it, +as far as my pleasure was concerned. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + Charwoman and daughter.--At a key-hole.--Cutting corns.--A + shower and a barn.--A fat rumped Devonian.--Suggestive + pictures.--A bum-hole offered.--Erotic madness.--Remorse. + +We could not get servants for some time. A middle-aged charwoman came +to assist, and one of her daughters came from time to time, stopping +generally the night. Their cottage was not far off, I had seen the +girl from an infant, she was then about eighteen years old. I had often +smiled when I met her, of course I smiled now. She was quite a slim +little girl, there was nothing of her, but I was at an age when anything +having a cunt attracted me. + +Profiting by experience, I now used key-holes; fortune favored me, for +some reason instead of one large bed, two small ones were put into the +servant's room; between them a wash-stand and a chair on each side of +it were nearly opposite the key-hole. How I chuckled at this, for unless +the key-hole was covered, I could see nearly all one bed and both chairs +and wash-stand. I saw the old woman wash and use the pot, put on her +stockings and other things, the other bed was a little out of range. I +could not so often see the girl, but did at times. + +One evening the girl only stopped. So soon as I heard mother's door +closed, out I went in my nightshirt, and through the key-hole saw the +girl naked. She put the light on the floor, one leg on the chair, and +with a small hand-glass looked at her quim, her bum was towards me. Not +satisfied she turned round, sat down facing me, putting the candle +on the floor and with legs so wide open as she could went on with her +investigation. I had a reasonably good look at her, and her cunt. As +said; she was nothing to look at, but I got in a fearfully excited state +and made some noise at the door which alarmed her, for up she got +and stood still listening. I went to my room, looking through the +half-closed door, hers opened and out came her head. I nodded and back +she went. + +The next day she was going home, and as I now (although having rows with +mother about it) went out when I liked, just before she left I went out +and walked. It was dark. In two or three minutes out she came. After +walking by her side for a time I asked her point blank how she liked the +look of it last night. "What do you mean?" I told her all I had done. +"Oh!" she said with intense surprise, "what a mean thing to do." I told +her how one of our former servants used to look at me naked. After a +minute she did not appear to be at all disconcerted at having been seen +naked; from my description she could have had no doubt what ever that I +had seen all. "What did you look at your quim for?" asked I. "Ah! that's +my business; what did you look at me for?" "To see your cunt." Being at +a dark part of the road I began kissing her, and got my fingers on +to her belly. She made no row, but crossed her legs; and small and +seemingly weak as she was, succeeded in preventing me feeling. I was +out with her an hour, kissing, coaxing, attempting; I got my fingers and +hand over her bum and belly, but not on to her slit. At each failure she +laughed and said, "done again." I swore I would some day. "No you won't, +you're not the first that has tried," said she, and I went home without +having felt her quim properly. + +I attempted it the next day and at every opportunity in the house and +out of it, till new servants came. She felt my prick, would look at it, +squeeze the balls, talk about fucking and baudiness to any extent, tell +me what she had seen, and what she had heard about such matters. She at +length scarcely resisted my feeling her bum, belly and legs, yet I never +got my finger on to her slit, so as to feel the moisture; for she closed +her little legs and wriggled, or got away from me somehow. Once or +twice when I got a little rough, she set up a squeal, and I desisted. I +offered her money. She replied, "No thank you, I am not going to spoil +my chance that way." Our conversation used to begin by my saying, "How +is your duff?" "Oh! nicely, thank you; how is your jock?" "All right and +stiff, waiting for your duff." "Then it will wait a long time," and so +on. It always ending in my trying to feel her, and getting no further. +At length they left, new servants coming. + +I frequently saw her afterwards, and always began the same game. My +mother was told I had been seen talking to her, so after that I only +spoke to her at dusk. Some time afterwards she married a gardener, and +I occasionally saw her, but recognition came to a knowing nod and smile, +which she always returned. Meanwhile I had got my fortune, as I shall +tell; had no end of women, and had forgotten her, when walking across +a field not far from our house, I overtook a short woman with a little +child, and it was she. A shower came on, and we went into a barn, no +one was in it. She told me I was said to be a "dreadful chap after the +gals." "You know all about that now," said I. "Yes," she replied with a +grin, and gradually talking baudier, we went on, until in a few minutes +I had laid her down and fucked her on the hay. "I told you I would do +it," said I. "But you didn't when you said you would,--now it won't +matter." That was her notion. The rain continuing, she said she must go, +whether wet or dry. Neither of us had an umbrella. She pulled her gown +over her head, and saying, "You won't tell anyone, will you," took the +child by the hand and was going, when my appetite came again. I pulled +her back, and with little persuasion, again went up her. She enjoyed the +fuck greatly. As I lay on the top of her we heard a bang, and the barn +grew dark; a man was shutting the door. "Ulloh!" said he, "I didn't know +any one was there; I hope I ain't disturbed you." We made no reply, +but out we went. "You will have a boy out of this," said I. "I hope I +shall," said she. That was the end of my adventure, for I never had her +again, and she soon left the neighborhood. It was her own little child +that was with her. + +Though I have (as I shall in other cases) told all I had to do with her +consecutively, yet between the time when she was in our house, and the +time of meeting her at the barn, three or four years must have elapsed; +and didn't we talk baudy in the barn before I got into her. That may +have warmed her up, yet I believe she wanted me, as soon as she found +herself alone with me. Her little child witnessed the business. + +Just at this time or a little later, an adventure of a serious kind +occurred to me. + +The streets leading out of the Waterloo road were then occupied much +by gay women. Some were absolutely full of them; they were mostly of +a class to be had for a few shillings if they could not get more (my +Granby street adventure has been already told). but many a swell I have +noticed lingering about there. My mother now took nearly all my +money for my board, but with the little remaining, I had a knock off +occasionally. It was one of my pleasures to walk up those streets when +dark and talk with the women at the windows, which were always open +whatever the weather, unless some one as within engaged with the ladies. + +Each woman had generally but one room, but two or three used to sit +together in the front room in their chemises. There was the bed, +wash-stand, chamberpot and all complete. Perhaps one lolled out of the +window, showing her breasts, and if you gave such a one a shilling, +she would stoop so that you could see right down past her belly to her +knees, and have a glimpse of her cunt-fringe. Sometimes one would pull +up her garter, or another sit down and piddle, or pretend to do so, or +have recourse to other exciting devices when men peeped in. + +I used to look in and long. Sometimes had a shilling peep, and then +bashfully asked for a feel of the cunt for it. I so often succeeded, +that ever since then I wanted that amusement, have offered a shilling +for a feel, and met with but few refusals in any part of London. +Sometimes it ended in a fuck. Once or twice to my astonishment they +took mere trifles, and as I think of it, there is wonderfully little +difference between the woman you have for five shillings, and the one +you pay five pounds, excepting in the silk, linen, and manners. + +One night I saw a woman with very fat breasts looking out of the window +(I was then fond of stout women); and after talking a minute, asked her +if she would let me feel her cunt for a shilling. "Yes," said she. In I +went, down she shut the window, and in another minute I was groping her. +She did not let me feel her long. I had not felt such a bum since Mary's +(already told of), and it so wetted my appetite, that I struck a bargain +for a fuck. She was soon stripped, and all I now recollect about her is, +that her cunt was large and covered with hair of a brownish colour; that +her eyes were dark; and that she seemed full twenty-five years of age. I +fucked her on a sofa. + +When I had buttoned up she produced a book full of baudy pictures of +which I then had seen but few; and I went a second time to see the book, +rather than her. Looking over it, she pointed out to me with a laugh, +several pictures of men putting their pricks into women's arse-holes, +and into the rumps of other men. Having never before seen such pictures, +and having no idea of the operation, I felt modest, and turned to +others; but she so regularly as we turned over the leaves pointed +out this class, that my sense of shame gave way to curiosity; and not +believing, asked if it was possible to do it so. "Lord yes," said she. +"Does it not hurt?" said I. "Not if properly done," she replied, +and went on to say it was delicious some men thought; and she talked +altogether in a very knowing way about it; told me how it was best to +grease the hole first, then the prick, and to shove gently, and went on +so, that I said on a sudden, "Why, you have done it, I think." "Yes, but +only with a particular friend of mine who is very fond of it,--and so am +I; it is better than the other." + +I felt shocked, bewildered, and excited. The subject dropped, but she +sat feeling me, slipping her finger under my balls, and pressing my +arse-hole with her finger. I prepared to fuck. She suggested she should +kneel with her buttocks towards me, so that she could feel my balls when +my prick was up her. I assented, and her bum-cheeks were presented to +me. Excited by her conversation and her hints, I looked curiously at +her large slit, and then at her bum-hole; I touched the latter, and she +drove her bum back upon my finger with a laugh. I did not take her hint, +but drove my prick into her quim and pushed in the regular fashion. +Thinking of the pictures excited me and without knowing what I said, +I suddenly pulled it out saying, "Let me put it into the other." "Not +tonight," said she, "put your thumb a little way in, your nail is quite +short" (she had noticed that I used to bite my thumbnails short). I +instantly did, the next moment spent, and dropped over her back, waiting +for the last drop of sperm to run off into her. + +Her hints, her pictures, of which she had actually scores, stirred my +curiosity, her manner disgusted me, yet my brain seemed affected. Is it +possible, thought I, that a man's prick can go in there?--impossible. +And yet she says she has had it done to her, and my thumb went in easily +enough. The more I thought, and the more I reflected how a hard turd +hurt me sometimes in passing it, the more I was puzzled about the +intense pleasure which she said the operation gave! To solve my doubts +(although I had determined not), I went to her again, and saw the +pictures. She again talked about them, until scarcely knowing what I was +doing, "Will you let me?" I asked. "Don't talk loud," said she, "it will +never do to let any one know what we are at." Our voices dropped to a +whisper, whilst by her advice I pulled off trousers and drawers, and she +stripped stark naked. + +Then she carefully greased my prick with pomatum, and put some on her +arse-hole; it was the work of a minute, not a word was said. She then +stark naked, sat by the side of me on the sofa, began fondling and +kissing me, took my hand in hers and rubbed my fingers on her clitoris, +half frigged herself with my fingers, I let her do what she liked. Then +she turned round. "Put it in," she said when her rump was towards me, +"then give me your hand, and don't push till I tell you." Her arse-hole +was at the level of my prick as I stood by the side of the sofa, my +machine was like a rod of iron, my brains seemed on fire, I felt I was +going to do something wrong, dreaded it, yet determined to do it. "Put +it in, slowly," said she in a whisper. The hole opened, felt tight, +but to my astonishment almost directly my whole prick was hidden in it +without pain to me or any difficulty. "Give me your hand." I did. Again +she began frigging herself with my fingers. "Rub, rub, push gently," she +said, and I tried, but was getting past myself. "Now," said she with a +spasmodic sort of half cry, half grunt. I felt my prick squeezed as in +a vice, I shoved or rather scarcely began to do so when I discharged a +week's reserve up her rectum. My brain whirled with excitement, whilst +she leaning over the pillows on the sofa, kept breathing hard and half +snorting like a pig, still frigging herself with my fingers. + +As my sense returned, I could scarcely believe where my prick was, +excitement still kept it stiff, but desire had left me. I pulled it out +with an indescribable horror of myself. + +"Wasn't it delicious?" said she. "I like it, don't you? You may always +do it so." What I replied I know not; I washed, dressed and got out of +the house as soon as I could. When in the street, I was sick. I ran off +fearing some one would see me, got into a Hackney-coach and drove in the +wrong direction; then got out and went a round-about way home, fearing +some one was following to upbraid or expose me. I scarcely slept that +night for horror of myself, never went up the street again for years, +and never passed its end without shuddering, have no recollection of +having had pleasure, or of any sensation whatever; all was dread to +me. And so ended that debauch; one I was deliberately let into by that +woman, having never thought of such doings before as possible, or at +all, as far as I can recollect. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + + Sarah and Susan.--At the key-hole.--A village fair.--Up + against a wall.--An unknown woman.--Clapped again.--My deaf + relative.--Some weeks felicity.--Sarah's secret.--Susan's + history.--Sarah with child.--Amidst black-berries.-- + Susan's virginity.--Susan with child.--Sisters' + disclosures.--A row.--A child born.--Emigration. + +I had now passed my twentieth year. The new servants were sisters (how +many times have sisters fallen to me!); the eldest who was cook was +named Sarah; the youngest, Susan. Sarah was about twenty-six, Susan +nineteen or twenty. I carefully arranged the key in the key-hole of +their door the first night, but saw nothing for two or three nights. +Then oh! fortune again. They rose later than my mother liked; she came +up to their room one morning and found them locked in, so she took away +the key. Now I had as far as the key-hole permitted, a fair field, but +then clothes hanging upon pegs on the door were often in my way; yet I +was so persistent in looking when they went to bed, and arose, that I +saw a great deal. How cunning I had got; I had filed and oiled the lock +and hinges of my door and theirs, so that I could close and open them +noiselessly, used to stoop daily with my eye to their key-hole, stepping +from my room with naked feet. I was nearly caught several times, but +never quite. It now seems wonderful that I was not. + +I was so demure and quiet in talk about women always, and had kept +myself so circumspectly, that my mother never had the least suspicion of +me,--but in all matters of love and intrigue, mother always seemed to me +as innocent as the babe unborn. + +For all that, my mother just then, and to my dismay, seeing that my +little games would be much interfered with, said I better change my +room, and have one on the first floor. Mrs. ------ had remarked, that +being a man now I ought not to sleep on the servants' floor. "As you +please,--it's one flight of stairs less for me, but Mrs. ------ is a +fool," I cried. "And which room?" "Your sister's. Annie will always be +with her aunt adopted, and Jane is only at home in the holidays." But I +would not be pushed into a small room; where was my tub to stand? Where +my books? I must have the spare room. There was much altercation, I made +my mother cry by saying that when of age I would get chambers away from +her, and into the spare room I moved. + +It was next to my mother's. Installed there I did nothing but complain +of its inconvenience. I smoked incessantly in it. The smell got into +mother's bedroom, and she could not bear tobacco smoke. I made a noise +when she was in bed,--that annoyed her. I did all in a quiet way to make +her as uncomfortable as possible. An uncle and aunt who stopped with +us when in town, just then came from the country; and not liking my +sister's room, went to an hotel, which wounded mother considerably, so +she said I had better go upstairs again. I refused point blank; being +down there I would remain, and so managed, that she thought I went back +as a favour to her, and much against my will; but was I not glad!--and +got to my spying immediately. + +Within a month I had seen them both stark naked, for being sisters they +had not hesitated to strip. I had seen the cook piddle, wash her cunt, +and put on her napkin. Susan's bed was not on the right side for me, but +nevertheless I saw enough of her to compare her with her sister. Sarah +was demure in manner, stout, with a splendid bum, and with little hair +of a lightish brown at the bottom of her belly; she wore black stockings +of which I then had a horror. Susan had a wicked, merry face, and a +splendid bunch of dark hair on her motte which attracted me largely. +It struck me that I should have a better chance with her than with her +sister, and began making approaches; when one Saturday night seeing +Sarah wash herself from head to foot, I got such glimpses of her round +fine haunches, and the split between them, that I fell into a fit of +randy adoration, which settled the direction of my attentions to her +instead of Susan. + +I feared to go on with either, because they were sisters, but lust got +the better of my fears. I began kissing cook Sarah; who returned it +saying, she would not have her sister know it on any account. Shortly +after I kissed Susan, who made nearly the same remark; and I found that +each was careful not to tell the other; which was just what had occurred +with two sisters, of whom I have already written. This was very jolly. +Meanwhile I once or twice had a cheap poke on the road, but always with +fear of disease. + +I had but little chance of the cook having now no pretext for going into +the kitchen, and the sisters were not much separated; but I looked up my +chances indefatigably, and finding Sunday favorable, to the horror of +my mother, left off going to church in the morning because the cook was +then alone. After our early Sunday dinner, I used to go to my bed-room +nominally to lay down, but really to look through the key-hole at the +cook who on that day only, dressed and washed herself in the middle of +the day, her sister being downstairs. I got on but slowly; in two months +only having taken outside liberties; till meeting Susan coming away from +the privy one day, I saw her press her clothes against her belly to dry +her cunt, and she saw me. Whenever I met her afterwards I used to tuck +my frock-coat between my legs and smile at her. It was an old dodge. + +I had then bought a _Fanny Hill_ which I kept in my bed-room locked up. +One morning I forgot to put it by, thought of it and rushed upstairs, +entered the room where the servants had been making the bed, and saw +Sarah intently looking at the book. I had feared that my mother had +entered my room, and seen the book. I stood for an instant motionless, +she turned round, gave a cry, dropped the book, and rushed out of the +room, her face like blood. I locked the book up feeling somewhat uneasy, +but afterwards joked her about it and the smutty pictures, and this took +effect. + +There was a fair held not far from us at that time, the girls were to go +there each on separate evenings. Before Sarah went out, I went out, she +had agreed to meet me at the fair; it was dusk, she had a female friend +with her. We went into a dancing booth and had drink, then into the long +room of stalls in which was a dance mob, shouting, crying, pushing each +other, scratching backs, blowing trumpets, and speaking baudily to the +women. As it got later, the men used to feel outside the women's cunts, +and many a so-called modest girl felt a man's prick outside, and passing +in the mob without being found out. Many a grab have I had at my prick +which could only have been done by a woman, who looked quite demure +whilst she did it. I got excited, put Sarah in front of me, and in the +first rush, put my hand round and gave her cunt outside her clothes a +grab. She upbraided me, rushing out of the crowd at the side to escape +me, I after her, into a dark passage, between the backs of the booths, +where men were pissing. They hailed her with laughter, asking her if she +had come to piddle. Back into the crowd she rushed, I with her, and did +the same thing, talking baudily, and kept this up until it was time for +her to go home. + +I said I should walk home with her. The village-road had but occasional +oil-lamps; at places it was quite dark, loving couples were walking or +turning off into dark bye-places by hedges and fences to satisfy their +amatory wants. This I pointed out to her, and talked of the prints she +had seen in _Fanny Hill_ that morning. Altogether she had gone through +enough that day and night to make a female randy. Suddenly a girl in +the dark squealed, and a masculine voice in the dark shouted up, "That's +right, shove your prick well up her, old boy." I tried it on with Sarah +on the way home, but it was no go. I felt her bum and thighs, got her +hand on to my prick, but she would not let me have her. + +Next night I was at the fair, and met her sister Susan there by chance. +I got excited and tried the same dodge with her, she had also a female +friend with her. I pressed their bellies and pinched their burnt when +in the crowd; her friend went off with her young man, then I had Susan +alone and tried pushing my hand against her belly, more than ever; she +took no notice. Her friend and we then met again face to face in the +mob. I had an impression that a feel at my balls must have come from her +friend. We all went to a public-house and had drink; there suddenly +she bid me good-bye, saying it was late, and she must get home, set off +running and was out of sight in a minute. + +I had no intention of going home, but after thinking an instant ran +after her, saw a woman squatting who got up as I neared her; it was she. +"You have been piddling," said I. There was some joking on this. The +same sort of couples were to be seen cuddling about as on the previous +night; the same whispering, squealing ad scuffling a little way off in +the dark lanes. She was more frisky than her sister, and more talkative. +"Ain't they larking!" said she as a girl gave a half giggle, half cry +in the dark. Said I, "They are fucking." She stood stock still for a +minute, and then walked on quietly without saying another word. I had +not before said a baudy word to her. + +Having got the word fuck out, I was game for anything, rattled on +baudily; at last after a long silence, something I said made her laugh. +I began kissing her, at length she returned it, and next instant I +thrust her up against a wall, pushed my hand up her clothes, and my +fingers on to her slit, which was as wet as a slop-pail. She cried, "Oh! +you vagabond," got my hand away, took to her Heels, and ran off. I after +her, till we both stopped breathless. + +I tried again, her resistance grew feebler, she was silent, I had her +against a wall, one hand holding her cunt, with the other I was guiding +my prick to it, it was sliding in, in an instant it would have been +up her, when putting down both hands she pushed it away saying, "Oh! +gracious God, what am I about again," ran off, and never stopped until +she had rang our house-bell. + +I went back to the fair and later on met outside it a very short girl, +who seemed too respectable to be by herself and had her veil down. I +spoke with her, found she was going my way, and walked with her. She +knew my name, and where I lived. Two nights scrambling had not got me +a poke, that I suppose made me bold enough to make advances to this +modest, quiet girl; I stole a kiss, then another, then a hug, then a +feel, and finally with scarcely any hindrance fucked her. We walked and +talked when it was over, she would not tell me her name or address, nor +give me a glimpse of her face; I fucked her again up against our own +garden-wall, insisted on knowing where she lived, said I would walk till +I saw, and did walk with her for about an hour. She said, "If you walk +about all night you shall never know where I live, but you may do it +again if you like, or I will meet you to-morrow, but I dare not let you +see where I go." I feared I could not poke again, so stopped to piss. +She modestly walked on a little; I frigged my prick until the steam was +up, then in her well moistened cunt consummated, and parted, promising +to meet her the next night. + +I looked at Sarah and Susan the next morning, took opportunity of +reminding each of them that I had felt their cunts, bragged to each, +that a young lady who lived close by had let me do it to her. The next +night came, the unknown girl did not keep her appointment, and the +following morning found I had the clap. I never saw or heard of her +again, nor know who the young lady who gave it to me. She was not a +common domestic, I am sure. + +This stopped me for a month, but the time was not all lost, for I +indulged in baudy talk, and familiarized both servants with it, and +the fact that they had felt me, and I them. The eldest used to look +uncomfortable, Susan used to brazen it out with a bright roguish eye, +that I then almost turned to her, especially as Sarah still wore black +stockings; but then Sarah had such fat white thighs, and a larger bum. + +When better and I was again alone with Sarah on a Sunday morning, I got +her on to a chair, pulled up her clothes all round, exposed her legs, +showed her my prick, showed her the pictures in _Fanny Hill_, got +her excited, but did nothing more. Another Sunday I tried it on +unsuccessfully. The third Sunday going upstairs just after mother and +Tom had gone to church, she said she was not going to be worried with +me, and Susan would be at home. Susan had not I found gone to church as +usual. Baulked, I was going out, but catching her in the hall, tried to +pull up her clothes. She cried, "For God's sake don't, I would not let +Susan hear for the world." This confirmed me in what I had felt nearly +certain of; the sisters did not tell each other of my games. I heard +Susan say to her sister who had gone to the top of the house, "I shan't +loose my outing, there is nothing the matter with you," and out she +went. The next minute down came Sarah; I stopped her on the landing, by +my mother's room. + +"Now don't," she began in a coaxing way, but I had not spent for weeks, +and as I looked into her bright eyes and flushed face, meant that day to +do so if I could. She must herself have wanted it, there was such a +soft look about her. My reply was to try to pull up her clothes. +We struggled, pushed against the door of mother's bed-room, and +we staggered into the room together. Nothing could have been more +favorable. I got her up against the bed, her clothes up, my prick +against her belly, and there for a minute we struggled. + +Opposite my mother's was a small low sort of bedstead called a child's, +I don't know why. It was covered with a large skin on a mattress. Mother +used it as a sofa. My prick was actually up against Sarah's belly, my +balls nestling in the hair of her cunt, my hands tightly round her bum, +but her legs were so close together, that I could not get into her; I +put one hand down to open the road to her cunt, but could not manage it, +though her resistance was growing less. She ceased praying me to leave +off, but tried by putting her hands down, to dislodge me from her belly, +withdrawing her hands as they touched my prick. The blinds were down, no +one but us in the house, I saw the child's bed, pulled her towards it, +I going backwards. We fell on it together, she more than half on the top +of me; another struggle, and her petticoats were flung up as I rolled +her round on to her back. She tried to pull them down, bringing her +knees half up to meet them; I saw her buttocks beneath and recklessly +pushing with my hand, a finger went half-way up her cunt. Down went her +legs quite straight, the next instant I was on the top of her. + +I weighted her down, she lay panting. "Now do Sarah dear, be quiet." +She said not a word, nor looked at me. I pressed my knees, and with +difficulty opened her thighs, and we were belly to belly; with one or +two vigorous shoves, in went my prick without difficulty and spending as +it entered. So did abstinence, desire, and excitement tell on me. It has +often behaved in the same way. + +I was now at a time of life when I could do more fucking, and after +long abstinence if I liked a woman, could sometimes do it twice +before withdrawing. The first words she uttered were, "Oh! let me go +downstairs, the dinner will be spoiled." But what did that matter to a +man whose prick was stiff up a cunt! So I waited my second enjoyment; +and if I know anything about the matter, you my dear Sarah, brought your +liquor out to mix with mine. + +Scarcely was my prick out of her, before the street bell rang; +downstairs she ran, I went upstairs. I recollect how wet my hair and +my balls were as I ran, wrapping them up. It was her sister. Directly +afterwards home came mother. Dinner was served, what a row there was, +the meat was not done, the vegetables smashed. "It is disgraceful," +said mother, "has she been upstairs Walter?" How queer I felt at that +question, and wonder my confusion was not noticed. I said I did not +know. "I will be bound she has," said mother, "and been trying on her +finery before going out to-night, Sundays and dress are the ruin of +servants now-a-days." "I have been out," said I to mother. "You would +have done yourself more good had you been to church," said she. + +After dinner mother went up to her bed-room as was her custom, to doze +on the small bed; the next minute her bell rang violently. "Send up +Sarah," said she angrily to Susan, and up she went, I went into the hall +listening in a funk. "Why don't you keep my bed-room door closed?" said +she, "as I tell you." "I am almost sure it was closed when I went out." +"Have you been in here?" "No m'am," stammered the poor woman, "the nasty +cat has been up here on this bed (luckily the cat had done that once +before), and been scratching up the skins." "You must have opened the +door,--and oh! the beast has made some mess upon it." Mother told Sarah +to wipe up the place, it was only marks of what Sarah's overflowing cunt +and my prick had dropped in our hurry. A little more blowing up, and +mothers' anger was over. Sarah came down, looking more dead than alive, +when I saw her in the hall. + +In the evening Sarah went out, and I to church,--so mother thought,--but +in reality to meet Sarah. For an hour we walked about, then as it +grew dark began kissing. What a difference the morning had made. No +resistance now, my hand roved over the smooth bum and belly, a slight +objection on the part of the thighs as my hand touched the hairy +covering, but for an instant only, then as of a right the fingers felt +the moist lapels, which were soon opened by my prick, as I fucked her +up against the wall of the garden, at the very spot where some weeks +previously I had fucked the unknown lady, and caught the clap. + +Good and bad luck come in heaps. I was now in for the good. Next Sunday +and others afterwards, we had a nice half-hour on her bed, or my bed, or +on the sofa in the parlour; but we left no signs of the cat anywhere. + +My mother then went on a long visit to my aunt in H--tf--dshire, wanted +me to go, but I could not get away, so she took my sister from my aunt's +and Tom, and to my delight took Susan. Sarah was left as servant, the +deaf female relative came again to take charge of the house, and we +three were alone in it. My mother's last words were, "Give as little +trouble as you can, and I hope Walter, you will keep out of bad society, +and not be out late." I was mostly to dine with my guardian's executor, +an old family friend. + +That night and for several weeks, Sarah and I slept together, it was a +honey-moon. My old relative, deaf and timid, used to lock her door; I +used to go across to Sarah's and lock it, mother having put back the +key. We had fear of being found out, but not much. In those weeks we +gave way so to our passions, that we were worn out. I taught her all I +knew; she was willing, docile, and did all I told her: love's amusements +in every variety which I then knew of did we try; never had I had such +continuous fucking. The first thing mother on her return noticed, was +that I was pale, and then great was her astonishment when told by my +old deaf relative, that I had scarcely been out one night after seven +o'clock, and up early most days; so my mother put it down to close +attention to my studies, for I was preparing. + +I told Sarah in confidence I had had a virgin, and that there had been +difficulty with her, but none in getting into Sarah. She swore by all +that was solemn that she never had had a man, that although she had been +kissed and tried, no man had put his hands on her naked thighs until I +had. From what she had heard of girl's virginities, she thought she must +have been different from them; she could always easily put a finger up +her cunt, and I believed her. She spent the second time I did it to her. + +Talking excitedly about her virginity and her not having bled when first +pierced, she remarked, "Susan told me that when she--" Then she stopped +and turned the conversation, but my curiosity was whetted. I pressed her +to tell more, she got confused, said it was her cousin Susan, would not +go on to say what Susan had said, at last refused to say more. I did +not forget it, and one night as I lay kissing her and fingering her +clitoris, she told me under promise of the greatest secrecy, that her +sister Susan bled when her young man first put it up her, and with this, +that Susan had been seduced and had a child; so her father had sent +her to service in London, and the better to get her taken care of, had +arranged that her sister Sarah should always take service in the same +house with her; hence at my mothers. "And, oh!" she concluded, "if Susan +or father should ever know what I have done, I should die." The family +trusted her. + +This accounted for the somewhat forward manner of Susan, for her +exclamation when I got up against her belly on the night of the fair, +"Gracious God, what am I about again!" Sarah believed Susan could have +had no one else but her first sweetheart, and that was more than a year +before. All this set me thinking, and more than once when twiddling +Sarah's cunt, I thought of Susan's with the thicker and darker hair, and +wondered in what other respects it differed from that of her sister. + +Now came trouble. Sarah said she was two months gone with child; she had +kept it to herself hoping her courses might come on. She got with child +she thought the first day I fucked her. We were both in great anxiety, +but did nothing to help it. Sunday morning usually passed this way. +Directly they had all gone to church, up came Sarah to mother's room +or into the garden parlour, there I looked at her belly to see if it was +bigger, then she had a crying fit, then we fucked, then she went down to +see after the meat roasting, then generally we had another fuck, and +all was over for that day; for my prick usually came out of her not long +before Susan rang the bell to be let in. + +At length her state began to show, her mother just then was very ill and +wrote to her, she made this an excuse for asking to go home, intending +to try when there to get rid of her encumbrance. My mother with great +objection let her go, for she liked her. For one or two weeks before she +left someone or other had stopped at home on Sundays, so I was balked +in getting ar her, and only did it once to her in nearly a month. I +gave her what money I could to help her; a charwoman came to work in her +absence; it was arranged that her sister should do most of her work as +well as her own, as far as she could. + +My mind reverted to what Sarah had told me about her sister. Would she +not like a doodle up her again I how she must long for a man, I used to +think. She nearly let me coming from the fair, what if I tried again. +Then I thought how wrong it was, seeing what I had done to her sister. +But back again the desire came, I grew randier. "I won't try her on +account of her sister," thought I, "but there will be no harm in larking +with her." + +So I began and reminded her of the night of the fair, told her I knew +that the hair of her motte was dark, by degrees got her to kiss me, to +leave off chaffing her, felt her outside, but went no further. About the +fourth day after her sister had left, I got my hands on her thigh. On +Sunday when all were at church: to blind my mother I had gone out, but +went home directly, and into the kitchen to resume my baudy chaff, I +forgot all about her sister, got to kissing and trying to feel her. I +was long in the kitchen with my prick out, sometimes hanging, sometimes +standing stiff, trying to induce her to let me, but it was of no use. +Her cap was off, her hair dishevelled. I had got her clothes once up +to her hips, had seen her motte, felt it, got my prick up against it, +knocked it about all over her belly, but no more; time was short, and at +last with a sort of guilty fear I went out before church was over, and +came back in time for our early dinner, telling my mother I had been +to ------ church. Then I reflected and thought it was as well I had not +done it to Susan. + +When mother returned she left my sister and little brother in the +country. My old deaf relative remained with us and slept in the room +adjoining my mother's. That same Sunday night, I waited until Susan came +up to bed, pounced upon her on the top landing and tried to feel her; +she dropped her candle-stick and made such a noise, that back I sneaked +to bed, and was asleep, when I heard the bell ringing violently in +the servants' room. Out I rushed saw Susan on the landing with but +a petticoat over her night-dress, and old Mrs. ------ going into my +mother's room who was taken very ill. + +Down to the kitchen went Susan and I to get boiling water, I heaped wood +and coals on the fire, she blew it with the bellows, old Mrs. ------ +was upstairs getting brandy and other things ready. What followed I +recollect as well as if it were yesterday. Susan was half squatting, +half kneeling and blowing the fire furiously. Standing by her my +randiness came on, I pulled out my prick, and pushed it right in her +face. "For shame!" said she, "I will hit you with the bellows, think of +your mother." It did shame me for a moment, I hid my prick, and knelt +by her side stirring the blazing wood. But just then I saw her breasts +through the half-tied night-gown; it was too much for me; that and the +attitude she was in together; loosing all prudence, I pushed one hand +on to her breast, and the other up her clothes, between her legs,--which +were very conveniently opened quite wide,--and on the slit of her cunt +With a suppressed cry she dropped the bellows, attempted to rise, and +repulse my hand, and in doing so we both rolled backwards ( for I had +stooped) on to the floor among the black-beetles of which there were +dozens about. "You wretch," she cried in a suppressed voice, "oh! +don't,--and your poor mother so ill,--oh! don't,--you shant!--and +wanting hot water,--you shant!" in a still louder tone as I got my hand +full on her cunt. "Oh! my God, here is Mrs. ------." + +Had Mrs. ------ not been as deaf as a post, she must have heard our +scuffling, as she neared the kitchen. In an hour or so my mother was +better, and Mrs. ------ stopped in the room with her for the night. My +mother was asleep when I left, Mrs. ------ had had a good dose of brandy +and water, and I knew she would sleep well enough. I went to my room +excited by the continual trying it on with Susan; Mrs. ------ had given +her a glass of brandy and water, "to keep the cold out," as she said, +and she went to her room. I listened, heard her moving about longer than +I expected. I had come up some minutes before to deceive all, and was +shivering in my night-shirt. I thought how unfair it was to her sister +who was in the family way by me, of the risk I ran with my mother in +the house; but a standing prick stifles all conscience. I crossed the +landing, opened her door, shut it rapidly, and there I was in the room +with her, both of us in our night-dresses. She was doing up her hair as +I entered, she wore a night-cap. + +"I won't let you come in here." "Hush! mother will hear you," said I. +Her voice dropped to a whining, "Pray go, I shall loose my character, +if any one supposes anything of this; it's very hard on me." Such was my +state, that I believe if my mother had come in just then, I should have +tried Susan. My reply was to strip my night-gown right off and stand +naked; then I caught her in my arms and forced her into a sitting +posture on the bed-side, sitting myself down beside her. "Let me +do it,--let us fuck, I have felt your cunt,--seen it;--look at my +prick,--let me put it in,--let me do it,--you did nearly once,--let me +now." "For God's sake go." "I won't." "Oh! don't,--oh I go,--if Misses +should hear us, what will become of me." "Don't make a noise then, or +she will." "Well go, there is a dear,--not now,--perhaps some other day +I will." She was defenceless, I hitched up her nightgown, saw a pair of +nice white thighs. "You shant,--you shant," she cried in a louder tone, +pushing down her night-gown. I gave it a violent tug, and pulled it up +to her belly, saw thighs, navel, and dark brown hair between her thighs, +that I had looked at in glimpses through the key-hole. There was my +thigh close to hers, my stiff prick within a few inches of her cunt; +considering all she had gone through that day with me, it was a position +which would have upset the frigidity of an angel, had she not frigged +away some of her passion in the interim. + +But her passions were conquering on my behalf, for she was a woman who +had known love's pleasures; her voice was quiet as she said, "Oh! pray +don't, oh I pray now." I pulled her back and slid my naked limbs between +her thighs, then in a moment I was on her, but in an uncomfortable +position; two of our legs on the bed, two off, my belly touched hers and +pressed her down; with my right hand I guided my prick to her slit. Her +hour had come, "Oh! for God's sake, leave me, I will let you another +day,--I will,--not now,--oh! if you knew!--oh! now!--oh!..." + +It was all but over, my fingers were feeling their way, my prick between +them, every motion she made to help herself, helped me; I held her down +with force until I felt my penis was on the notch, but as it touched the +slippery sides of the red orifice, the first pang of pleasure came and +my sperm spat on to it. With a furious thrust I plunged up her and threw +my whole body over her, grasping her bum, quivering, wriggling, and +pushing. The deed was done, she knew it, and was as quiet as the grave. + +The position was painful to both of us, I felt it in both my legs; she +moved uneasily saying, "I hope you will go." I had no such intention, +kept her down, and my prick in her as long as I could; then got up +quickly, hoping to see her spunk-trap whilst her thighs were open. A +woman seems always up to this, how quickly they shut them. She did, but +the light though feeble was close by, and I saw sperm outside; then she +sat at the side of the bed with her limbs uncovered, I stood naked with +doodle wet, flabby and shrunken, not a pretty picture at all. She begged +me to go, was tranquil, sat twisting up her hair, scarcely made attempt +to hide her limbs, all her anxiety was about her mistress finding me +in her room; but after a few minutes altercation, I was in bed with her +cuddling, and promising to leave directly I had fucked again. + +I got into bed without my night-gown, hers was rolled up so that she +was all but naked, our naked bodies touched at all points, my hands were +free to rove everywhere. How she must have wanted it, only a woman with +twelve months abstinence from cock can tell; and when after feeling her +cunt well, and putting her unresisting hands round my pego, I pushed her +on to her back; there was no difficulty about her thighs, they opened at +once as I turned on to her, her frame thrilled, her tongue sought mine, +her hand clutched my naked back; she spent I verily believe before I +had began, and finished again with me a few minutes afterwards. About +day-break neither of us having closed our eyes, I went back to my room, +tired out. + +My mother kept her bed the next day, so Susan and I had time to talk. +"I don't know what to do," said she, "we have made the sheet in such a +dreadful mess"; and that night before she went to bed, she took it down +and did something to it. I fucked her that day on the kitchen table. + +Her sister did not return for a fortnight, and during that time we +had plenty of fucking; a few nights after I first had her, she was +excessively quiet; on questioning her she said, "I think I got in the +family way last night." "Nonsense," but she told me she had heard that +women sometimes had a sort of consciousness of getting with child, +and added, "I somehow feel certain that I shall have a child from last +Sunday." This will be a pretty go, thought I, and asked, "Did you ever +have your belly up before, for I don't think you were a virgin when I +had you." She denied it, and there the matter ended, but I never could +get to see the lower part of her belly; she would let me see up to her +cunt, and down to her navel, but never more. My experience might not +have taught me much if I had, but I guessed something from what old +Brown had told me, and knew that woman had marks of some sort on +their-bellies after child-birth. + +As the time came for Sarah's return I felt trouble could come with her. +The day before she did, Susan cried, said she was certain she was in the +family way, and expressed great dread of her sister knowing it. "Surely +you don't mind your own sister." "Oh! you don't know how hard she is +upon poor girls who get into trouble," she replied. "Here is a mess!" I +thought. + +Sarah returned, had tried to get a miscarriage and failed, she grew +bigger, all her fear was lest Susan should find it out before she left, +and on plea of her mother's health, she gave notice. Both girls were +afraid of each other, both seemed determined to get as much fucking as +possible. Sarah got hers on Sundays, and sometimes on week days. Susan +who was more about and could often get five minutes with me slyly, threw +herself in my way, got it when and where she could, and had it once or +twice daily. I was not loth. The excitement of two cunts and a certain +pungency in the position stimulated me. I have seen the two standing +side by side, each at the same moment with my spunk in them, yet neither +knowing the other's condition. At times before I had washed my prick +after one sister, I was wetting it in the cunt of the other, which +delighted me. + +Things got desperate. Sarah said I ought to marry her, spoke of +committing suicide, and at length unable to hide her belly, left. I +was anxious to do what I could to help her, so disclosed my case to +a friend; who advised me to borrow, as I was so near coming into my +property. I borrowed fifty pounds of a Jew, promising to pay him a +hundred pounds for it six months afterwards; and got her lodgings a few +miles from our house. Susan also got bigger, and made no disguise of her +intention of getting abortion. + +No disclosure of the sisters to each other had yet taken place, yet +I felt it would be done. One morning Susan's eyes followed me whilst +waiting at table in a most unpleasant manner. I felt all was found out, +so to face it, and get the worst over, threw myself in her way. "You +wretch, you scoundrel, you blackguard," she whispered to me on the +staircase, "it is you who have seduced my poor sister." Soon a better +opportunity was found, and we had a scene; it took place in my bed-room, +when the other servant who had replaced Sarah, and my mother were out. +I could only say I was sorry. She blazed out worse than ever then, +and spoke so violently about my behaviour to herself, that I told her, +whatever her sister had to complain of, I thought she had but little, +for that mine was not the first prick which had been up her, I was sure. +My words and manner staggered and quieted her and after making me take a +solemn oath (which I did holding a Bible) I would never tell her sister +that she was in the family way by me, she got tranquil, and I fucked her +before she left the room. + +Susan was dreadfully ill a few days afterwards, she had got a +miscarriage; my mother attended to her, thinking she had inflammation +of her bowels. I went to see Sarah, who told me some fellow had got her +sister Susan in the family way, she could not tell who, for Susan quite +refused to say. She was soon after confined with a fine child. Troubles +then came apace, the mother of the two women died, Susan left my mother +at once to take charge of the old man's house, and never let me have her +again after her miscarriage. Then the father came to grief, failed and +was sold up. Sarah went home with her child, and after a time, acting on +the advice of a friend, I advanced money out of my property which I had +then come into, and sent the whole lot to Canada. After a year my child +died, and Susan got married. What became of Sarah, I don't know, for all +letters soon after ceased; but to the last I believe that Sarah never +knew that I had had her sister as well as herself, although Susan knew I +had had both of them and was father of both children, or what would have +been both children. + +This ended my intrigues with servants for some time, for my fucking took +quite another direction. Harlots of small degrees amused me till I came +into what was a pretty fortune in those days. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + + Of age.--Camille my first French woman.--Lascivious + delights.--Harlots by the dozen.--Baudy books.--Tribades.-- + A grey-haired cunt. + +I came into my property, and to the great horror of my mother and +family, soon gave up my post at the ------ and my intended career and +determined to live and enjoy myself. I had been all but posted to a +regiment, that commission I resigned, though all my youth desiring it. I +lost much money by doing so. What I did between the time that I had the +two sisters, until I went regularly to the town, is not worth telling of +more than already done. Frig myself, I did not, gay women since my last +clap I was shy of, but I used to shag a servant of a family close by, +and rather think one of our own servants; but if so, all circumstances +made small impression on me, and nearly escaped my mind, excepting those +of a comely woman of about thirty with black curls, of a wall not far +from a church, and of fucking her up against it, of her being so anxious +to get indoors by nine o'clock, and scuffling off with her wetted cunt +directly she had finished with me. Her name or who she was I quite +forget. + +This I know, that I had no other woman at home, and had no liking for +gay women, nor is it to be wondered at, since my experience with them +was confined to one I had with my cousin Fred, women by the roadside who +would take a shilling, and others of a queer class in the confines of +the Waterloo road (two debauches there told of) then filled me with +horror, and three claps; yet I was to leave off giving my passion to +quiet women, and bestow all my attention for a time on gay women. + +Walking up Waterloo place one evening, with plenty of money in my +purse, and lust in my body, I met a fine, clear complexioned woman, full +twenty-five years of age, who addressed me in French, and then in broken +English. She had an eye, and manner which fascinated me, her dress was +quite elegant, as unlike the French women of Regen street of the present +day, as a duchess is to a milkmaid; but she was the ordinary French +whore of the day, of whom there were but few in London (there was no +railway to Paris); and who were exclusively supported by gentlemen at +the West-End. I went home with her to a house at the corner of G-l-n +square, after fearing and hesitating. + +As I got to the door my fear returned, and but for shame I would +not have gone in. "I have but little money," said I, "Have you not a +Victoria?" said she. "No." "You will find one, I am sure." By that time +the door was opened, and in I went. "You will find one Victoria," said +she in broken English as she closed the room-door, "but if not, shall you +not give me what you shall find." The room was nicely furnished, out +of it was a nice large bed-room and a smaller one (she paid twenty +shillings a week for all, as you will soon hear). Four wax candles were +lighted, down she sat, so did I, and we looked at each other. I could +say nothing. + +"Shall I undress?" said she at length. "Yes," I replied, and she began. +Never had I seen a woman take off such fine linen before, never such +legs in handsome silk stockings, and beautiful boots. I had had the +cleanest, nicest women, but they were servants, with the dress and +manners of servants. This woman seemed elegance itself to them. A +nice pair of arms were disclosed, a big pair of breasts flashed out, a +glimpse of a fine thigh was shown, and as her things dropped off, and +she stopped to pick them up, with her face towards me; her laced chemise +dropped, opened, and I saw darkness at the end of the vista between her +two breasts. + +A pull up of the stockings and garters, disclosed other glimpses of the +thighs and surroundings. Then she sat on the pot, pissed and looked +at me, whilst I sat in fear, saying nothing, doing nothing, my cock +shrivelled to the size of a gooseberry, and longing to go away. The +whole affair was unlike anything I had seen or dreamed of, a quiet +business-like, yet voluptuous air was about it, which confused me; it +affected my senses deliciously in one way, but all the horrors about +gay women were conjured up in my imagination at the same time. I was +intensely nervous. + +She seeing me so quiet, sat herself on my knee, and began unbuttoning +my trowsers. I declined it. "Are you ill?" said she. I told her no, +scarcely knowing what she meant. Then she unbuttoned me in spite of my +objection, laid hold of my little doodle, and satisfied herself that +it was all right I suppose; for she hurt me; I could not tell why she +squeezed it, for I did not know then the ways of gay women. The squeeze +gave me a voluptuous sensation, although fear had still hold of me; then +she kissed, and fondled me, but it was useless. Then she said, "You have +never had a woman before I see." My pride was wounded, and I told her I +had many. + +"Are always you like this with them?" she asked. "No, but I really did +not want it." "Oh! yes you shall. Come to the bed." She got off my knee, +went to the bed, laid down on one side, one leg on, one dropping down to +the floor, drew up her chemise above her navel, and lay with beautiful +large limbs clad in stainless stockings and boots, her thighs of the +slightly brown color seen in Southern women, between them a wide thicket +of jet-black hair, through which a carmine streak just showed. She +raised one of her naked arms above her head, and under a laced chemise +showed the jet-black hair in the arm-pit. I had never seen such a +luscious sight, nor any woman put herself unasked into such a seductive +attitude. + +"Come," she said. I obeyed and went to the side of the bed, my prick not +yet standing. She took my hand and put the finger on to her clitoris, +pulled my prick towards her and kissed it, and at the double touch up +it rose like a horn. "Ah!" said she moving on to the middle of the bed, +"take off your clothes." I was on to her without uttering a word and had +plugged her almost before I had said "no," which I had meant to say. + +What a cunt! what movement! what manner! I had till then never known +what a high-class, well practised professional fucker could do. How well +they understand the nature and wants of the man who is up them; hers was +the manner of a quiet woman, who had been some time without a prick, it +was so like baudy nature in a lady, that I was in the seventh Heaven, +"don't hurry"; but the wriggle and heave, and the tightening of the cunt +kept hurrying me, as well she knew. + +I had scarcely finished my spend, when curiosity took possession of me. +She yielded in the way a French woman does to all a man wishes; almost +anticipating them. The black hair under her arm-pits first came in for +my admiration, then her eyes, her bubbies came in for their share, as +raising myself on an elbow, my prick still up her, I looked and felt +all over her, I even opened her mouth and felt her teeth which were +splendid. Then rising on my knees, I looked between her legs, at the +splendid thicket of black hair. Far from attempting to get up, or +prevent me, she opened her thighs wider, I pulled aside the cunt-lips, +there rolling out from a dark carmine orifice was my essence. At the +sight of it, up came my prick, still dripping, and up it went into the +sperm-lined passage. + +My second fuck over, she washed. No sooner was that done, than I wanted +to see it all over again. "You are very fond of women," she said, "I +thought you had never had a woman before." Then I explained, gave her +the Victoria, and scarcely daring said (for she was dressed again), "How +I should like to do it again." "You take up much time of me, but you +may, if you like, at side of de bed." Out came my prick, up it went, her +duff and belly in sight now, till I spent in her, and promising to see +her again I left. One does not get silk stockings, laced chemise, four +wax lights and three fucks for a pound now, if rooms be well furnished, +or not. + +I saw her the next day, then saw her almost daily. Little by little I +took to calling at all times, and sleeping with her. The more I had her, +the more I liked her. She was a very nice woman in most ways, I scarcely +ever found her untidy, dirty, or slammerkin. If not dressed, she had +a clean wrapper on, had nearly always silk stockings on, and a clean +chemise; and therefore call when I might she was ready to be fucked at +a minute's notice. She was a good cook, and would cook omlettes and nice +things in her room. I used to fuck, get out of bed, eat, and fuck again +with the food almost in my mouth. I used to have little dinners in her +room, sent in by a French cook, which were excellent, and then with +stomach full and with nice wine, would spend the evening in baudy joys. + +What astonished and delighted me at the same time, was the freedom and +the way she lent herself to all my voluptuous inclinations. The gay +women I had had, I had fucked so fast, and got away from them as soon +as I could; my spend even scarcely finished at times. With my mother's +servants (my first love Charlotte excepted, and for a time with Susan), +my enjoyments were mostly hurried, a fingerstink, a frig on their cunt, +and a hurried look were all my amatory preliminaries for the most part; +because I was too impatient for the spend, was mostly obliged to seize +opportunities in a hurry, or because the girls were impatient at being +pulled about. When I had tried with them, some of the little amatory +amusements, which were beginning to suggest themselves to my voluptuous +imagination, they resisted, or only half lent themselves to my will. +With Susan I had tried the most, because I knew she had had a bumbasting +before, and she had been more willing; she liked pulling my prick about, +but even she made a fuss one night, when I wanted to fuck her with her +bum towards my belly, and never let me look at her belly. Thus my +baudy longings had never been satisfied. With Charlotte I did a little +variety, from curiosity; now I began to want it from voluptuousness. The +natural impatience of my age, and my few opportunities, had led me to +bring my women to the bed, throw up their clothes, pull open their legs, +give a rapid glance at their thighs, belly and cunt-fringe, by which +time my prick was nodding and throbbing. Then followed a grope, and the +next minute I was fucking as hard as I could. + +With Camille all came like new to me. She even anticipated me. If I +pushed her to the side of the bed, she fell on her back and opened her +legs gently, dis-dosing her slit in the most voluptuous manner, without +speaning. If I strove to open her thighs, open they went as wide as +she could make them, leaving me to open,shut, pinch, frig, or probe her +cunt, as I listed. At a hint, she with two fingers would spread open the +lips to enable the fullest inspection. If I turned her round, she would +fall on the bed arse upwards, like a tumbler. If I cocked up a leg, +there she kept it till I pulled it down. I scarcely ever said what I +wanted, she guessed my desires from the way I turned her about. It was +only at a later time when my baudiness grew whimsical, and invented +strange attitudes, or singular caprices of love, that I had to tell her +what I wanted; but at first I was too timid for that. She once said to +me laughing, "I am a born whore, for I like it, and like to see a man +amuse himself with me." + +Her every movement, even when I was tranquil, was exciting. If she sat +down, her limbs were in some position which by contemplation stirred my +lust, and made me rush to stroke her, and was gratified in any form +and manner I liked. With her all forms of copulation were wholesome and +natural, so that I had enough variety. + +I was constantly with her until pretty well fucked out, then I stayed +away a while. When I recommenced she I expect thought I was weary of +her, and set to work to keep me, by putting into my head things I had +not heard, or thought of, asking if I would like to sate my lust in +such, and such ways; and then procuring for me what she had suggested. + +I was indeed worth treating so, for though I only gave her a sovereign +at first, my money quickly began to go into her pocket from mine. The +more variety I had, the more I paid, which was but natural, and fair. + +She had a book full of the baudiest French pictures; there was not an +attitude depicted in it that I did not fuck her in. That done, she asked +me one day if I would like another woman to feel whilst I had her. She +came, and I fucked Camille feeling the other's cunt, longing to fuck it, +but fearing to propose it. Camille guessed what I wanted, and proposed +it herself. With what joy my prick entered the stranger's split, Camille +looking on, holding her cunt open for inspection at the same time, and +going through the motions of frigging herself whilst I was shoving. Then +came endless variety. I had two other French ladies, and fingered their +cunts whilst I fucked a third, then two more, laying cunt upwards, legs +in the air, and arses meeting over Camille's head. At last I had six +altogether at once, and spent the evening with them naked, fucking, +frigging, spending up or over them, making them feel each other's cunts, +shove up dildoes, and play the devil's delight with their organs of +generation, as they are modestly called. + +Then came other suggestions. "I know such a little girl, not above this +high," she said. I ballocked that little girl. Then she knew one six +feet high. She also I had. Then she knew one with an immense duff of +hair on her cunt. Of course I had her. Then one with none at all; and +mightily pleased was I, as my doodle rubbed in and out of that hairless +cunt, the owner laying at the side of the bed, I standing up, and +Camille holding a candle over the hairless quim, to enable me fully to +see and enjoy the novelty, I was pushing up. + +At intervals when worn out with spending, or disinclined to find the +money, needed for this endless variety of women and cunt-hunting; I +frequently spent evenings quietly in Camille's society. I got from her +information about habits of women, in a way which is not often given +to young men by gay women; learned that women thrust sponges up their +cunts, to prevent men finding out they had their courses on. For +the first time with her, I understood that women could, and did frig +themselves; and on her own cunt, placing herself my finger there, I +first knew the exact spot where a women rubs for her solitary +pleasure. She told me of women rubbing their clitoris together so as +to spend,--what the French call tribadism,--and two women of her +acquaintance did this. All of us half spoony with champagne after a +jolly little supper; she set the two girls rubbing their cunts together. +The two girls on the top of each other, I thought a baudy amusement, and +did not believe until after years, that flat fucking was practicable, +and practised, with sexual pleasure. + +Then should I like to see a man? Now it was not many years since I had +frigged two or three, and declined it. Yet one night she expatiated so +much about the wonderful size of a young man's prick, and what a lot +he spent, and how respectable he was, and what gentlemen had him, etc.; +that I who had a dislike to men being near me, consented, and a fine +young Frenchman came. I could not for half-an-hour go near him, but my +temptress meant I should, and I frigged one of the largest pricks I +have ever seen, and saw his spunk squirt over Camille's arse, which the +Frenchman requested her to turn upwards for him to spend on; indeed he +said he could not make his cock stand until he saw her arse. Directly +afterwards I had the most ineffable disgust at him, myself and all, and +never saw him again. + +I would not again be in the room with a man, but she arranged to let +me see through a hole made in the door, herself fucked by another man, +which I immensely enjoyed, but had not the sight repeated. I even used +to hate the idea of her being fucked by any one but myself; not that I +had anything in the way of love or liking for her, which might have been +termed affection. + +So time went on, I paying handsomely, trying to see and do anything she +suggested, and glorifying myself at being in the lucky way of doing and +knowing everything. I told much to some special friends, some of whom +wanted to find out my sources of such enjoyments; others thought I was a +mere braggart. + +Nearly a year ran away, and four thousand pounds, leaving me with +infinite knowledge and a frame pretty well worn; but I never had a love +ailment, nor have I ever taken one from a French woman yet. + +She never suggested arse-hole work. In her book were pictures of +buggering, and she asked me if I would like such a thing. I frightened +at what I knew, which seemed like a horrible dream, said, "certainly +not," and asked if it was possible. She told me it was, but was +"villaine," and the matter was never again referred to. + +With much fucking I got done up, and one night could get no cock-stand. +She asked me if I had ever played at minette. I did not know what it +meant. She told me it was having my prick sucked. I told her no. I have +already narrated my licking the slightly haired cunt of young Martha, +and how when doing so, she having my prick in her hand close to her +mouth, and was playing with it, when scarce thinking of consequences, +"Kiss it," I said, "put it in your mouth"; and that the young girl randy +with my licking, put it to her mouth or tongue, and that I immediately +shot out my spunk without meaning it. That remained in my recollection +as a nasty subject. The big-cunted woman also sucked me against my will. +So when Camille suggested it I refused. There was another French woman +with her; they were both naked on the bed, and I had been fumbling both, +and baudily amusing myself, with no cock-stiff or fucking desire about +me. After a while I laid down on the bed with them, the other French +woman told me, that some men never did anything else, and that she would +like doing it to me. She had found out I was pretty liberal, and I dare +say counted on my being so now, if I could get by her a new sensation; +but I declined. The two women were laying in the reverse direction to +me on the bed, so that I could see and play with both their cunts, a +favorite posture with me then. After extolling the sensation of minette, +she without my consent turned over me, and geting me between her knees +back up, and so that her bum-hole and cunt were within a few inches of +my nose, she began; whilst Camille who knew what would fetch me better +than I knew myself, moved up her backside, so that I might grope her +more freely. The double cunt feeling, the suction and sight generally, +was too much for me, and the mouth soon drew my sperm with long +lingering and half painful pleasure. My tender-tipped prick suffered, as +it often did indeed when not in the proper receptacle. + +The act made some impression on me, for I soon after had it repeated by +the same woman, and she did it that time so that I saw the prick in her +mouth. I expect it upset me instead of giving me pleasure, for I stopped +her, and my doodle dropped; but I permitted her to recommence; then I +felt something press my arse-hole, it tickled and hurt me, I called out, +"What are you doing?" at the same instant spent. "What have you done?" +said I. "Nothing," said she winking at me, for Camille was in the room. +I did not like the business; she had shoved her finger or thumb up my +bum-hole. I was too young to appreciate that luxury, took a horror at +her, and never would have her again, nor would I have my prick sucked +any more. Many years elapsed before I either had my arse-hole felt or +felt a woman's, after that night. + +Then I had an old woman. Those she had brought me had mostly dark-haired +cunts, and her own was black. As cunt was an inexhaustable subject with +me, we were always talking about it. She said she knew a woman whose +hair was quite grey. "Is she very old?" "No not above fifty." That was +older than my mother, and I could not think of it; but the conversation +was renewed. "She has got as much hair as me, but quite grey, nearly +white, and she is a nice clean woman; have us both, and you can see +the black and white together." So a fattish middle-aged woman certainly +fifty and who seemed to me sixty, came; her hair was nearly white, +Camille lent her stockings and chemise to make her decent I suppose, and +the old woman who spoke scarcely a word, but drank furiously, turned up +to me. She made some objection to showing her grummit, remarking she did +not know it was to such a young man, but being told if she did not, she +might go without pay, the sight came off; the cunt-fringe was nearly +white. She was an English woman. Camille suggested I should have her; +the old woman demurred, but Camille settled (and I really used to do +almost what she advised), that I should have her and look at the grey +cunt at the same time. So it came about; but when half up to spunking +time, Camille said, "Take it out of me and put it into her." When a +prick stands and novelty is in the way it rushes at it. Out I pulled +my prick, and put it up the grey cunt, spent in it, and pulled it out +almost before I had finished. I never saw the old lady again. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + + Piddlings.--Posturings.--Breast and arm-pit.--A turn over.-- + Used up.--Wanting a virgin.--Camille departs.--The Major's + opinion.--Camille returns.--Louise. + +I have told the most novel fucking bouts I had with, or through Camille, +excepting the final one; but should say that whatever women she got me +I turned to her with pleasure again. Sometimes when I had one or two to +amuse me, I used to give her the preference for the fuck, and she +always had one of the gruellings, for she was very handsome, understood +everything, was sensuousness itself, but not vulgar. When I had a fit +of extra lewdness she got me other women. Of course she got profit out +of all, a thing I knew nothing about then. Often I had no want but for +her, and she used to strip herself, or dress just as I wished, put her +body into some attitude, then lay and read the paper whilst I used to +sit and read as well, looking up from time to time at her. Then I would +put her in a new attitude, and go on so for a time; then would make her +piss, catch it in the pot, piss at the same time in it, stick a dildo up +her cunt, and have every variety of amusement I could think of. She was +always willing, never in a hurry, never refused. A charming harlot. + +Making her piss was a favorite amusement with me, I would keep her a +whole day without doing it, so that I might have a good long stream out +of her when looking on. + +I was most curious about the way a cunt opened and shut in squatting. It +was the subject of my earnest investigation. I used to put two chairs +so that they would not slip, nearly close together, and lay down with my +head between them. Then Camille naked all but boots and stockings would +stand up on the chairs, one foot on each; the legs naturally a little +open as the chairs were a little apart, just disclosed the cunt. Then +she would sit down slowly, so that I could gradually see the gap widen, +the red nymphoe show, the clitoris jut out, and at length the whole +cunt-gape ready for the piss. Then she would rise slowly and repeat it +till I was tired; then still laying down I used to hold a large basin on +my breast and belly, and squatting above my head she would piss into the +basin. I would feel the cunt, and if very wet, dry it. In all this she +was obedience itself; she never moved from one posture till I told her +to get to another, would answer any question with frankness. + +I have never lost this pleasure in seeing a woman piss, but at that time +was too impatient to vary the amusements which a man and a woman can +have with their piddle. It was reserved to me with other women, notably +a French woman named Gabriell, and Sarah F--r, to have the fullest +variety and enjoyment in that particular. + +I had fucked Camille in every way excepting her arse-hole, I had spent +between her bum-cheeks, but without the slightest intention of invading +the bum-hole between them,--indeed then had a great dislike to looking +at a woman's arse-hole. At last fucked her arm-pits; she had a splendid +arm, and an unusually large quantity of black hair beneath it which +I much admired. One day she was poorly, I began fucking between her +breasts, she suggested another woman, I would not have one; from her +breasts I got to shoving between her arm and her breasts; then she +wetted her arm-pit with Castile soap, which is of a soft slimy nature, +and I fucked and spent between it. After a time we improved on this; she +would lie in a convenient posture, I would lay a sheet of clean white +paper on the bed, and just as I was coming, protrude the tip of my +prick so as to free the pit, and shoot my spunk on to the sheet of white +paper; or would catch the spunk in my own hand, and before my frensy of +pleasure was over rub it on her cunt, then fling myself on the bed and +go to sleep. + +I used to have her at the side of the bed with her bum towards me; then +she would gradually twist herself round, and cocking one leg over my +head, get herself with her back on the bed without uncunting my prick. +This had to be done very gradually, for a jerk, and my prick used to +slip out. I used to bet with her about this, and she generally managed +to twist round and win. "Now push,--keep it well in,--hold on, I am +going to lift my leg," she would cry at the difficult point, which was +when she had got her bum sideways to me, and was about to lift her leg; +then putting my hands well on her hips, I used to draw my belly to her, +and prick into her, as tightly as I could, whilst she gradually raised +a leg, and pressing her bum up to meet my pressure, gradually got on to +her back, with her limbs in a natural easy posture on either side of my +hips. By that time I had got steam well up, and a shove or two usually +let me off. + +At last having done as great a variety of ballocking, and learn more +baudiness than most men of my age, I was knocked up, fucked out. My +mother with whom I still nominally lived, was in despair. My guardian +alarmed at the rate I was spending my money remonstrated, so I left +Camille and her bevy of women, and went to the sea-side. There I +renovated, and then spent my time on the sands, trying to see the women +in the water. As I grew better my randiness returned, I got hold of gay +women, but my old timidity clung to me, I used to pay them to piss, and +had a grope up them; but do not recollect having anything more. I came +back to London, and for two or three days afterwards Camill's cunt had +no rest. Then I temporarily got into another servant, and ceased to see +Camille much. She tried all sorts of inducements to continue it on the +old footing. + +Then although she knew every incident of my life, she took to asking +if I had ever had a virgin, saying, "Are you sure, did you see her cunt +before you had her? Would you not like one again, if I can get you one, +a young virgin French girl, one sure to be a virgin?"--and so on until +she made me doubt if I had ever had one. At last I thought that I should +like to have another. Well, she could get me a young French girl, but +would have to go to France, it would cost a large sum of money. This +talk went on for some time, and little by little I agreed to give her +fifty pounds to pay her journey, and also to keep her lodgings on. She +postponed the journey for a long time, but at length she went. She made +me promise to do something for the girl besides paying her,--which meant +something or nothing,--but I promised to pay the journey of the virgin +back to France, should she want to go; and also whenever I had the girl, +to pay Camille a "Victoria," "because," said she, "you will have my +rooms and prevent my bringing friends home." + +So I came down with fifty pounds. Off she went in quiet dress, and +looked a quiet lady or middle-class woman. She advised me to keep myself +steady, and the very moment before she left, whilst the cab was at the +door, I turned her with bonnet and travelling dress on, bum outwards, +and fucked her; she hurrying me all the time for fear she should loose +the coach, she had not time to piss, or wipe or wash. "It will give me +good fortune perhaps," said she laughing, "or make you wish me back, it +is lucky for me." + +There was but a slow rail to Dover then, nothing but tidal boats, and +to Paris, the way I thought she was going, no rail at all, and it was +a long journey. Whether she went to Paris or not I don't know, but from +later experience think not, that she was a Southern woman, and went +straight home. She was to be back in a month. It came, but not she; +another week, another, and I began to think I had been sold; another, +and I gave her up altogether, and experienced a little relief, for the +habit of seeing her had so got hold of me, that I could not shake it +off, and yet I was tired of her, but I wanted the virgin. + +There was a middle-aged man with whom I chummed much at my Club, a major +retired, and a most debauched individual. He borrowed money of me, and +did not repay it. His freedom of talk about women made him much liked by +the younger men; the older said it was discreditable to help younger men +to ruin. Ordinarily very careful how I spoke about women ( for my loves +having lain much in my mother's house, caution had become habitual to +me). I one night talked about virgins and of getting them. He said such +things were done; that Harridans got a young lass, if well paid for it, +but that they generally sold the girls half-a-dozen times over, "and," +said he, "they train the young bitches so, there is no finding them out; +you may pay for one who was first fucked by a butcher boy, and then her +virginity sold to a dandy; you may pay for it my boy, and not find +out you have been done." I pondered much over this, and the next night +returned to the subject. His opinion was that an old stager like him was +not to be done; but that any randy young beggar would go up the girl, +and flatter himself he had had a virgin, if the girl was cunning. "When +you see the tight covered hole with your eye, find it tight to your +little finger, and then tight to your cock, my boy; when you have +satisfied your eye, your finger, and your cucumber, and seen blood on +it, you may be sure you have had one,--and not otherwise." + +Thought I, "I am going to be humbugged." Another week, no letter, I went +to her lodings, and found she had taken away everything she had with +her. That night I told a little of my hopes to the Major, not telling +him who the kind lady was, or where she was gone; but it made him laugh. +"You are done brown my boy, done brown; that woman will never turn up +again." He joked me so, that I avoided him, and kept the subject to +myself afterwards. + +Again to the lodgings; the landlady could not keep them vacant any +longer; I paid the rent, but she got no parquisites, I increased the +allowance. Then again I went; the landlady said she did not expect to +see her again. I had now set my heart on having this virgin; ten weeks +nearly had gone; I said if Camille was not back next week she might +let the rooms. It passed; a bill was put up in the window, and the next +morning calling as a forlorn hope, there was a letter for me,--she would +be back in a week. I was in a state of excitement that week, and kept +myself chaste, with the idea of the virgin cunt, and Camille's well +paced roger-ing in anticipation. + +The day came. I was so impatient, that I was there quite early; she +arrived some hours earlier than she had said, and seemed surprised at +finding me; my impression is that she did not want me to be there when +she came back. She came in a hackney-coach; a stoutish full-sized young +woman with a funny bonnet and long cloak on, got out of the coach with +her, and in a free-and-easy way helped the things upstairs. She called +her Louise. The wench put down a big box, and on my turning round after +giving Camille a kiss, I saw she had seated herself on it, and hands on +her knees was looking at me. "Uncord the box," said Camille. Said the +girl, "I am tired." She uncorded it, again sitting down, and looking at +me said, "Is that your young man?--he's a good-looking fellow." Camille +told her to hold her tongue, to go on unpacking, and that I understood +French, eying her at the same time in a savage way, and looking at me at +times very uneasily. She was a rough sort of girl, she said, a relative +of a friend of hers, had come as her servant, and in a short time would +understand her place; smiling at me in a knowing way as she said that. +Camille always addressed her servant in French, me in English; but I +understood French tolerably well. + +Louise did as she was told, but bounced about in an independent way, +threw off her cloak and bonnet, and putting her hands on her hips stared +at me again. I stared at her, thinking of the virginity I was destined +to break up. Certainly she was appetizing; her cloak off showed a thick +woolen dress of dark brown striped with blue, a fine big figure, a +couple of big breasts; her arms naked nearly to her shoulders, as +French peasants usually wore them, were large, fleshy, and brown; the +petticoats were half-way up to her knees, and showed the thickest woolen +black stockings on a stout pair of legs, and feet in thick shoes with +brass buckles; she had immense gilt earrings, and was in fact in the +dress of a Bordeaux peasant woman. + +I did nothing but stare at her, Camille nothing but scold her, talking +to me at intervals. The girl got the boxes ready for opening, then +walked about, taking up poker and tongs, chimney ornaments and +everything in the room with curiosity. Camille and I had so much to +say, that we took little notice of her; then she threw up the window and +looked out. As she bent forward her short petticoats showed her legs +up to her knee-backs; Camille was about to stop her looking out, when +I winked, and stooping saw a thick roll of stockings just beneath the +knees, and the flesh just above. Camille understood. "Madame, madame," +said the girl, "come here, here is fun." I heard Punch squeaking in the +streets; she was delighted; her mistress went to the window giving me a +knowing look, and looking out of the window with the girl, put her hands +over the girl's petticoats and lifted them slightly. Louise took no heed +of this being so engrossed with Punch; I dropped on my knees and saw +half-way up the girl's thighs. I had been chaste for a few weeks, or +nearly so, the sight of Camille had fired me, the thighs finished me; I +shoved my hands up Camille's petticoats on to her arse, got her into +her bed-room, and with her clothes in a lump on her belly, drove up my +prick, spending directly I got up her cunt. + +With half my spendings outside, half inside I lay with throbbing prick, +which only came out when it had spent again. Camille vowed she had not +had a man for weeks, and took it out of me, perhaps fearing if I went +away with stiffening left, some other cunt would take it out. The +ballocking over I went home. + +I was early there the next day; Louise had been installed in the little +room leading out of the sitting-room. Camille told me a great deal about +the distance she had gone, and the trouble and expense she had been put +to in getting the girl's relatives to let her come; she hoped I would +pay the additional expenses; and that I did at a cost of about twenty +pounds. What with that and paying for her journey, and for lodgings +while absent, Louise had cost me nearly ninety pounds already. Then I +undertook to pay for the additional room, in which a bed having been +put, an extra was charged; cooking now being done downstairs. Then +Louise must have a new gown; then Camille thought I ought to give her +something for herself, because whilst away for me she had made no money. +That I refused and blazed up about it; for all that agreed to pay for a +new silk dress for her, and a lot of little odds and ends on the second +day of Camille's return, for all of which outlays I had only had a peep +up the girl's petticoats. + +Then I had a talk about her. The girl was the daughter of a small +grape-grower, a friend of Camille's; they thought Camille was in London +as a dressmaker, making a lot of money, because she sent money home to +her father. Camille offered to take her, saying she would be sure to get +on, if not in one way, then in another; that good-looking girls always +did well in London. The girl was mad to come, and persuaded her parents +to let her do so; believing that Camille got her living honestly; she +was to be her servant until she could be put in the way of doing well. + +"What are you going to tell her now? what are you going to do with her? +what will she say when she finds out?" I asked. + +Camille did not know. The girl would find out, and then she must excuse +herself as well as she could, would say it was better, and jollier, and +more money making than to make dresses. Besides, the girl could not help +herself, and would have to make the best of it. + +When was I to have her? I asked. As soon as I could get her; there she +was, and I might try when and how I liked; help me more she could not, +she could not insist on Louise letting me; but no doubt she would in +time, no one else should have her. + +I was not so sure of that. Camille was gay, and although I had for more +than a year excluded most men from the house, yet she did have other +men there, and I knew they would see the girl, might like her, might pay +Camille; all the remarks of the retired major came strongly before me, +and I thought I was going to be sold, and said so. + +She replied that I was not; she would leave me with the girl when I +liked; if the girl spoke to her she would advise her to let me, but +would have nothing to do with influencing her beyond that; and when the +event came off, she meant to be out, so that Louise's friends could not +say anything. If she went gay it was no fault of hers, young women would +have it done to them, it was natural. That was the game she meant to +play. + +I saw that I had paid her only for bringing a girl, and must take my +chance of getting into her; all she would do was to keep the coast +clear. I don't know what I really did expect Camille to do, but think +I imagined that she would have got the girl in bed with her some night, +let me get into bed with them, and helped to make her fuck, if she would +not. This was dissipated, I was to have the chance I should have had +with a servant in my mother's house, or less, for this girl I should not +see so often, and could not be sure she would be so well looked after. + +So Camille went out, leaving me alone with the servant whenever I +wished. I expect she went with other men at houses of friends, and so +got her time paid for twice over, and made a good thing of it; perhaps +she thought, the longer this lasted the better it would be for her. I +think now that that was her game. + + +FINIS VOLUME ONE + + + + + +VOLUME TWO + + + +CONTENTS. + +CHAPTER I.--Louise sapped.--Suspicions.--Lectures on virginity with live +illustrations.--Drugged for inspection.--Camille's hesitation.--Absents +herself.--The house in G.. d. n s.... e.--Baudy prints.--A feel, a +sniff, and a kiss.--Out shopping.--Garters.--Dinner, and after. + +CHAPTER II.--Undressing.--Silk stockings and garters.--The +attack.--Foiled on the outside.--A battery.--A breech.--A tough +virginity.--Triumphant.--Sanguinary proofs.--The second entry.--My +foreskin.--Twenty-four hours fucking.--Gamahuching.--Six days +pleasure.--Camille returns. + +CHAPTER III.--Camille at home.--Her little game.--My greenness.--The +house in O.. d. n street.--The glove-shop.--Louise fatigues me.--Fred +on the scent.--A cigar-shop.--Three into one.--A clap.--Serious +reflexions.--The sisters disappear. + +CHAPTER IV.--Enforced chastity.--A stricture.--Health restored.--Mrs. +Pender.--A peep from a hay-stack.--In a cowhouse.---Stable and +barn.--Mother's satisfaction. + +CHAPTER V.--Aunt at the dairy.--Morning amusements with Pender.--Female +haymakers.--Mrs. Whiteteeth.--An exhibition of cock.--Against a field +gate.--A night on the grass.--A sight from the barn-loft.--Robert the +page.--Molly. + +CHAPTER VI.--Joey and nursemaid.--The privy in the +laurel-walk.--Scared.--Whiteteeth in the ditch.--The nursemaid's +bed-room.--Robert amusing her.--A lost virginity.--Aunt and +Joey.--Nearly caught.--Amatory instructions to nursemaid. + +CHAPTER VII.--Molly and Giles.--A country ale-house.--Pender's +history.--How her virginity was taken.--White-teeth's ailment.--Molly in +the loft.--Interrupted.--Molly tailed. + +CHAPTER VIII.--Field-women.--Fred at home.--Smith, the field-foreman.--A +rape of a juvenile.--Fucking consequences.--Nelly consents.--Fred looks +on. + +CHAPTER IX.--Laura and Fred.--Vauxhall amusements.--A juvenile +harlot.--A linen stopper.--The hairless and the hairy.--Ten and +forty.--A snub.--At my aunt's.--Nursemaid and page missing.--Pender with +child.--Molly and Giles caught.--Mr. Pendler's letch. + +CHAPTER X.--Nelly and Sophy.--The beer-house again.--Sophy's belly.--On +the road.--Against a tree.--At the baudy house with Sophy.--Her +narrative. Tom and the three sisters.--Fred on the scent.--Pendler's +troubles. + +CHAPTER XI.--Out shooting.--A female carter.--A feel in the +train.--Molly in London.--Giles in town.--Fred on the scene.--Molly at +the Hall.--Copulation in uniform.--A sham illness.--An afternoon with +Molly.--She turns harlot.--Gets clapped.--Her baby. + +CHAPTER XII.--Nelly and Sophy.--Nelly at the Argyle.--In town +with Fred.--On the sofa with Mabel.--The effect of black +stockings.--Interference.--In bed.--Mabel's bad habits.--A ladies' +school.--The bath-room.--My cousins naked.--Marie the curate's +wife.--Cunt inspections.--Servants washing.--Flat-fucking. + +CHAPTER XIII.--Fred on flat-fucking.--In town with Laura.--Back at +the school.--Pictures for young ladies.--Fred's ankle.--Mrs. Maria's +weakness.--To London alone.--Laura and Mabel.--Three in a bed.--A risky +poke.--Groping for the pot.--Nearly caught.--Fred joins us. + +CHAPTER XIV.--My cousin at home.--Pender's belly.--A lawyer's +letter.--Action for crim-con threatened.--Suspicions.--A +compensation.--The Penders leave.--Wholesale whorings.--A frolic at Lord +A...'s.--After dinner.--Newspaper readings.--A strange rape.--Bets +on pricks.--Pricks felt.--Fred on his head.--Beds on the +floor.--Free-fucking.--End of the orgie. + +CHAPTER XV.--Morning headaches.--An indignant housekeeper.--A +saucy valet.--Consequences.--Fred leaves England.--Lady A... 's +invitation.--Laura a widow.--Farewell Laura.--Adieu Mabel.--My +guardian's remonstrances.--Parental advice.--Ruined.--Reflexions.--My +relations. + +CHAPTER XVI.--Married, and miserable.--Virtuous +intentions.--Consequences.--Mary Davis--A virtuous child.--Low-class +fucksters.--A concupiscent landlady.--Reflexions on my career.--the +sizes of pricks.--My misconception. + +CHAPTER XVII.--Irish Kate.--Drink, heat, fleas, and French letters.--The +bricklayer afterwards.--I give luck.--The lost breast-pin.--The +cholera's victim. + +CHAPTER XVIII.--Costermonger's children.--A small girl, mother, and +mangle.--A French letter fetched.--Young Callow's exploits.--The +customers' linen.--A hard-fleshed bum.--Invitation to anus.--A strange +letch.--One big with child.--Fucked for a sovereign, and pleasure.--A +Creole.--My misery.--Reflexions. + +CHAPTER XIX.--My home life.--Heartbroken.--In the parlour.--Maid Mary's +sympathy.--Don't cry Master.--On the sofa.--Both in lust.--Impotent. + +CHAPTER XX.--The next day.--On the door-mat.--On the sofa.--On her +belly.--Eight hours fucking.--At a brothel.--An afternoon's amusement. + +CHAPTER XXI.--Preliminary.--Mary's +seduction.--Flight.--Desertion.--Going to the post-office.--A halfpenny +signal.--Against an arm chair.--The privy watched.--Nearly caught.--Mary +suspected.--Dismissed.--In lodgings.--Service again.--My cousin +sir.--Letters lost.--Mary disappears.--Seven years afterwards.--Sequel. + + + + +CHAPTER I. + + Louise sapped.--Suspicions.--Lectures on virginity with live + illustrations.--Drugged for inspection.--Camille's + hesitation.--Absents herself.--The house in G..d.n Sq..e.-- + Baudy prints.--A feel, a sniff and a kiss.--Out shopping.-- + Garters.--Dinner and after. + +I went to work to get into Louise, having no compunctions, it seemed to +me the most natural thing in the world. I had read about the naughtiness +of seduction, but my associates had taught me, that every girl wanted +fucking, and was longing secretly for it, high, or low, rich or poor, it +was the same. As to servants, and women of the humbler class, that they +all took cock on the quiet, and were proud of having a gentleman to +cover them. Such was the opinion of men in my class of life and of my +age. My experience with my mother's servants corroborated it; and so to +get into Louise seemed both natural and proper. + +I suppose there is but one way ordinarily of beginning with a woman. +A man must first make himself agreeable, then successively familiar, +endearing, coaxing, loose, bold, baudy, determined, then if needs be +fierce, or even violent. This order comes naturally to man cunt-hunting, +and ends in fucking. It does not follow that if the early stages pass +easily, that the last shall ensure success. Occasionally the woman is +scared, put on her guard against herself, and the man, and the chance is +lost. + +This course had become familiar to me at home, and I began. No person in +the house except Camille and Madame Boileau spoke French; there was no +other to speak at all, so my conversation was acceptable. At the end of +a week I had kissed her to her contentment. No strong, healthy woman of +eighteen is otherwise than gratified by the kisses of a young man. Money +I knew now told much, and I gave to her who had never perhaps had five +shillings to call her own. She gave me a kiss in the dark passage, I +hugged her and pushed outside at her cunt, she ran upstairs angry, but +had forgot it the next day. + +Looking at her and longing used to make me randy, then if near, +Camille's cunt got the benefit of it. The girl used to eye us when we +went into the bed-room. She had a quarrel with her mistress, and said +she should go home. Camille said she might; but speaking only French, +and without money, how could she? Just then, through change of climate +and living, she fell ill. + +We were very kind to her. I got her everything. When asleep one day, +Camille partly uncovered her, and showed me her limbs naked; they were +so fine, and so excited me, that but for Camille, I think I should have +ravished her. She soon got well, and I said, that if I did not soon have +her, I should cease seeing her. "Who hindered?" Camille asked. There she +was, I might have her. + +Then I had a suspicious fit. All the old Major had told me about fellows +being sold, and taken in by women who were not virgins came to my mind. +The girl was never out but for a few minutes at a time to fetch things, +yet other men saw Camille, and some might have seen and had the girl. +Camille had once taken her out in a cab; she might have been to some +man's. So I said I would not give the money unless I saw her virgin cunt +first. After a day or two, Camille agreed to it if I would give her ten +pounds down, and would swear never to disclose it to the girl. + +I thought still I was to be fooled, so I called upon my old +schoolfellow, who used to say, "Snatch at her cunt, and show her your +cucumber." He had been one at the frigging match, and had just been +appointed assistant-surgeon at a hospital; he was a bachelor and +baudy-minded as ever. "M...," said I, "have you ever seen a virginity?" +"Many," he replied, "I have dissected them, and if girls have anything +the matter with their wombs, or cunts, we get a look, they don't mind a +doctor. If a girl has piles, I make her turn up, and have opened several +fine women's virgin cunts, asking questions all the while, if they feel +this or feel that. They say yes or no, which of course I knew they +would say, but they think I am very clever for asking. Some like a +young doctor's fingers on their privates, though they say they object. +Assistants only get the chance with the poor, the better classes have +older married men." + +I asked him to explain one to me on a woman, and he did. We went home +with the same women; they were astonished, for instead of pulling our +pricks out, we both merely felt and looked at them, and he gave me a +full lecture. It was an odd sight to see him explaining the situation of +a virginity, I holding a candle to see better. One of the girls roared +with laughter, the others fancied they had some ailments, when they +found out he was a doctor, and he gave them advice. + +I don't mean ailments of their cunts. We did not fuck either of the +women. + +From reading, his descriptions, his sketches and what he pointed out on +three different cunts, I felt satisfied that I should know a virgin, and +told Camille what I had done. She was then good enough to point out to +me on her own cunt, where her virginity had been, as far as she could +recollect it. She was quite sure about Louise, and explained that girls +being with their parents in France were well watched; that the loose +pricks about a town were all taken by the married women,--which I did +not believe. + +One night I was to see it, I waited for a signal from a window, of two +lights, rushed across the road and was let in by Camille. We went into +Louise's bedroom. There the girl lay in her night-dress on the bed, +insensible. "We must be quick," said Camille. Then she threw the girl's +clothes rapidly up above her naval, gently pulled apart her legs, and +held open the lips of the girl's cunt. It was such as had been described +to me. My excitement was fearful. She was a splendid limbed woman, +looked twenty-five instead of eighteen years old. Her cunt-hair +jet-black, crisp and thick as on a negress' head, grew up her mens and +down besides the lips. The vermillion stripe in the midst of it was +enough to drive any man mad. I put out my hand to touch it, but Camille +pulled it back. "No, no," she said in a suppressed voice, "you must go, +you promised me." "Let me fuck then." "No, go at once." She pulled me +towards the door, the girl was breathing heavily. Wild with lust, I +pulled out my prick. "Come away, you promised, she must see neither of +us." "One look more then." Again Camille opened the cunt-lips. + +As she did so, Louise gave a groan, and turned round on one side opening +her eyes wide. Camille blew out the light, and pulled me into the +sitting-room. "You must go," she said. I wanted to fuck her, but she +would not let me. + +I met a woman in Regent street, it was raining hard. Much as I still +hesitated at going with strange, gay women, I went home with her, threw +her down with her clothes on. The instant I saw her cunt, and almost +before I could get my prick out I spent over her bum and thighs. She +remarked, "You did want it, and no mistake." I left, got down to the +Italian Opera. Crowds of women walked under the Colonade, they often +then wore low dresses walking. I went to a baudy house with one, and +fucked her thinking of the black-haired motte and lips between the +thighs of the unconscious Louise. + +I never knew what Camille had given the girl. She said she had made her +drunk with champagne. Louise on a subsequent day said she had got drunk +with champagne, but she never knew that I had seen her on that night. +I believe that something else had been given to her to make her +insensible. There was a convulsive movement in her body as she turned +round; her limbs before she did so seemed dead, her breathing resembled +a groan, her breast heaved distressingly, she opened her eyes, but saw +nothing. The more I reflected, the less I understood the agitation of +Camille, who usually was so calm. + +I had seen the girl's virgin cunt, and recollect the look of pussy, +belly, thighs, and slit. The cunt-hole as I held the candle near it +seemed to be covered, excepting a little perforation just big enough +to put a little finger through, corresponding with my surgical friend's +description; yet I seemed to have less recollection of it than of all +the rest of her body. It was confused, strange, like the remains of a +dream on my mind. So much had suspicion taken possession of me, that I +was by no means now sure I was not being done. I paid Camille the ten +pounds. When she had got them, she said she expected the fifty pounds +all the same, that the cunt inspection was a preliminary she had not +bargained for. I thought I was being cheated, and said so. We had a +row, but such a fool was I, so much desire had I to get into this +girl,--simply because she was a virgin,--that at last I agreed to it. + +The girl could not get up the next day. I saw her in her bed by +myself; she said she had been ill through eating something, and had had +champagne. I caressed her, and in spite of her struggles, got my hands +on her breasts and half-way down her belly, spoke baudy, pulled out my +prick, was repulsed, and gave her a sovereign. Camille came back and +I fucked her. I recollect telling Camille, that there was a wonderful +likeness in face, colour of hair, eyes, limbs, and even in cunt, between +her and her servant. Camille laughed and said, the two families had +always been thought to be much alike, and were related. + +Louise became inquisitive about my intimacy with Camille. "Was I her +lover? Was I fond of her?" "Yes I had been, but was not now." "Why did I +come there?" "To see you, my dear." + +When Louise first arrived Camille was particular in not exposing her own +legs or breast to me. Before that she used in warm weather to be with +naked breasts, a chemise and slippers often being her only garments. Now +she got into slipshot dressing again, and began to talk baudy. She had +told Louise how she got her living, and talked about making money by +fucking, so she told me; but she would not let me take any liberties +with her before Louise. She went out leaving me alone with her, taking +my money when she returned. It is a wonder to me now how I stood all +this, felt I was being humbugged, played with, and yet things went on as +I describe. Three weeks had elapsed, or more, and yet I had never felt +Louise's cunt. So I told Camille she was humbugging me. Louise got funny +in her behaviour to Camille, said she would or wouldn't, and one day +they had a quarrel, in which Louise insolently remarked about something +she wanted, that Camille would do well not to show the point of her nose +in the village any more. When alone I said to Camille, I was not to +have the girl I supposed. Who hindered me? "Help me." "How?" Being in +a blackguard humour I said, "Make her drunk, and then I will have her." +No, it should never be said that that happened in her rooms; if a woman +let a man of her own free will, well and good; if he got into her fair +and square, good; a woman might do what she liked,--it was natural to +have a man;--if Louise liked it, it was not her business; but she would +not have her made drunk. + +I said she was always in the way. She said she must live there. "You +would like me to go out of town for a fortnight." Said I, "That is the +best thing you can do." She said she could not. + +I insisted, and at length she agreed to go for ten days, I paying her I +think fifteen pounds for her lodgings. Off she went, and I dare say went +to a friend's close by, I never knew. She said she was sorry she had +brought the girl to London. Louise was not to know that I was aware of +her departure. The last words she said to me were, "I suppose when you +have her you will leave me." I replied I had no such intention, nor had +I; but a gay woman is a good judge of the future. + +I must now describe the lodgings more closely. The ground-floor was +occupied by a cloth merchant; there was no shop, but in the windows were +some bales of cloth, a brass name-plate was on the inner door, the +top of the house was the cloth-dealer's store. The man was rarely in +England, the entrance to the shop from the hall was always locked, and I +never saw more than one man enter it. + +The first floor Camille had. On the second floor was a grumpy old woman +named Boileau; she took charge of the house. I scarcely ever saw the old +woman excepting when she opened the door, and then she neither spoke or +looked at me. Until Louise came, Camille had had a French servant. Some +years afterwards it turned out that the woolen shop was used by the +foreigners for forging foreign notes; the cloth business was but a mask. +Camille had been there two years. + +Off Camille went. That same day I was at the house. Madame, Louise said, +had gone for ten days into the country, and had left word that no one +was to be let in. I went upstairs saying I should come when I liked, +that as Camille had gone, we could do as we liked. She looked hard at +me. + +"I expect Madame has gone off with some man," said I, "she will get a +good lot of fucking." She had heard me talking baudy, and knew that word +in English and French. Then we had breakfast together, and I made love +to her. + +Louise was as vain as a peacock, and excessively fond of her stomach. +When she had a glass of champagne, she used to swallow it as fast as +she could. This weakness and inclination in any woman places her at the +mercy of a man who will spend his money; and though I did not then see +the advantages of money as plainly as I see it now, I instinctively used +it. + +"This is jolly," said I, "we will go and have dinner, then go to the +theatre, do what we like afterwards." Her eyes sparkled, but she feared +to go, for "Madame was such a demon when offended." "Who would know? The +people in the house would not know what we did," I replied. + +It was yet only mid-day. "Nobody can interrupt us, let's have luncheon +here, I will get the wine." A french restaurateur sent in a hot luncheon. +I fetched champagne, then bethought myself of something which had not +occurred to me before. + +Camille had as said a big album full of voluptuous pictures. When she +went to fetch Louise I asked her to leave it with me till her return. +She said, "I will pawn it to you for ten pounds." I lent that sum. Since +her return she had not asked for it, maybe thinking I would ask for my +ten pounds. I knew now well the effect of baudy pictures in exciting +lust, so I fetched it. We had luncheon and champagne, she laughed,. +talked, objected to sit down with me, but at last was thoroughly at home +with me, and for the first time talked freely of her mistress, whom +she feared. She disclosed a deal of simplicity and a very great deal of +vulgarity, for she was an utter vulgar peasant girl; but I didn't mind +anything to get up her cunt. + +Good living heats the body and stimulates randi-ness; there is fifty +times as much danger in leaving a young couple together with their +stomachs full of good food, than when they are empty. A gentle heat, a +sense of fullness, a gentle swelling, creeps up the stem of the man's +prick, the knob feels tender and voluptuous; a gentle moisture distills +in the woman's cunt, heat and an alloverish feeling, from clitoris +to arse-hole overcomes her. Both are then ready for fucking, and only +restrained from going at it by various social reasons, which determine +our actions in every-day life. Such was our state when kissing and +laughing we put away the things. Then we sat side by side on the sofa, +with my arm round her waist. + +I produced the book, which I had brought with me. I recollected how, +pouring over it with Sarah or Susan, the pictures in my "Fanny Hill" +used to throw them into a state of randiness which it was left me to +appease. Susan used to say, that she only had to look at the pictures +for a minute, to make her want "to forget herself." I took the book out +of the paper; it was a large square book, which immediately attracted +her attention. "What is that?" she asked. "Pictures." "Oh! show me." +"Come on then." She sat on my knee, I put my left arm round her waist. +"Give me a kiss." She gave it. "Now let me look." I had placed my right +hand on her thigh outside her clothes, and was thinking, what a nice +chance I had for throwing her back on the sofa, but I opened the first +page. It was a fine, large coloured print (how well I remember it) of +a bed-room. On the bed knelt two young women side by side, their +petticoats thrown over their backs, and showing their backsides to their +waists. Close by stood a middle-aged woman looking at them; through the +door were the heads of two men peeping at the posterings, lust was on +their faces. One of the girls had a much fatter bum than the other, both +cunts were visible, the hair of one black, the other, light. It was +a bet as to who had the handsomest posterior, the woman to decide was +saying, "Marie a gagne, ell a la plus vonde et la plus belle." + +Louise gave a loud "oh!" as if taken by surprise, her face changed +blood-red, she turned the cover over and burst into a fit of laughter, +tried to get away from me, but I held her fast, so she put her head over +my shoulder and laughed, I laughing with her. "You have as nice a bum +as the dark one," said I. "There is nothing more like that, look through +it." I opened the book again; under her eyes was a picture of a woman +undressed, laying at the edge of the bed, her legs open, her middle +finger on her cunt; by her side a man with trowsers down, his prick out +stiff and crimson-tipped, one hand on the woman's thigh, and intensely +looking at her cunt. + +"I want to do that with you," I said. "Fi donc! c'est villain," said +she, and pushed the book violently away. It fell on the floor, and at +the same instant she attempted to rise. I held her tightly, and pulling +her back on to the big sofa, her legs flying up, I threw up her clothes +in front, showing her fine pair of thighs, and the next minute I had +my mouth and nose buried in the hair, kissing and sniffing it, my hands +roving about wherever I could feel warm flesh. + +With a shriek,--then another,--she twisted round (in doing so my nose +rubbed on her clitoris), her petticoats fell down, she got across the +room to her bedroom, and bolted the door. + +I stood shouting, "What a beautiful form, what thighs, how dark the hair +on your cunt, how lovely my nose has rubbed on it; let me see it again, +let me fuck you, have pity on me." All that suggested itself to a +man whose prick was ready to discharge in his breeches did I say, but +fruitlessly, she made no reply. I went back to the sofa and considered +what to do. Soon I heard her moving, crept to the door, and heard the +rattle of piddle. "You're piddling out of that dear cunt," said I, "how +I wish I could feel it." The rattle stopped, and again I went back to +the sofa. + +I had told her that I would take her out, and called to her to get +ready, she never answered. A few minutes afterwards I wanted to shit; it +was needful to go down-stairs into a yard. Thought I, "If she hears me +go down she will come out;--ah! if she does, there is the book, I wonder +if she will look at it." I opened it at a picture she had not seen, +tearing up little bits of newspaper, I placed them between adjoining +pages, so that if opened the bits must fall out, then said, "I am going +downstairs; if you won't go out, I will go without you." + +I stayed at the shit-house some time, went up quietly, and heard her +door close as I went up the stairs. When I entered the room I looked at +the book; it was just as I had placed it, but two of the bits of paper +had dropped out. "Louise, Louise, you have been looking at the book." +"You lie," said she quickly. "You have, I put bits of paper in, and they +have fallen out, so you must have." "I have not," said she. + +"I wanted to take you to see the shops, to the theatre, if you won't +answer I shall go alone, and dine alone." "I shan't come then." "Don't," +said I in a huff, then went to Camille's bed-room and washed. "I am +going, will you come? In another minute I shall be gone without you". + +"Will you promise not to be mechant" (the French term). "I have not been +wicked," said I. She was yielding; I knew she was wild to go out with +me. "Will you promise to leave off talking so." "Not for ever; how can +I when I have seen what I have." "I have no boots, only my thick shoes." +"Come in those." "Camille has left a pair they are too big, and there +is a hole in them." But it ended in her putting them on. Dressed, she +looked an odd mixture of a peasant and a servant, who had got on some +of her mistress' things. I was ashamed to walk out with her; she saw +something in the expression of my face which wounded her pride. "You +don't like walking out with me," she said, and sitting down big tears +came into her eyes, "but I am handsomer than Madame, my feet are smaller +although my leg is bigger; my shoes are shameful, she would not let me +have boots like hers, she said she would send me home; _she_ won't go +home again, if I tell them about her." Thus she jabbered on in a fume, +till she had exhausted herself, her pride wounded, excited much by +feasting, by the baudy book and my kiss on her cunt. She talked so fast +in her provincial French, that I could scarcely understand what she +said. + +I did not care what I spent, so that I could spend up Louise. "I am +proud to walk with you, and I will buy you a pair of boots." She jumped +up with delight. "But you shall let me do one thing." "What?" "Let me +feel your leg, which you say is so big." "Volontiers," said she, "there +is no harm in feeling a leg; in my country our clothes only just come +below our knees," and so with joking, kissing, and a promise to let me +put the boots on, out we went in a cab. + +I took her to a boot-maker's, and fitted her to perfection; she was +delighted, and in the cab did nothing but put up her feet to look at +them. She let me feel her legs, after she had pulled her petticoats +tight round the knee; I wanted to go higher, "No, no," she said; but I +pushed up, on to her thighs. + +I bought her a bonnet, but it had to be altered and was to be sent home +in the evening; I got out of the cab and going into a shop without +her, bought (guessing the size) white silk stockings and showy garters, +without telling her. Then I bought her gloves, a collar, and one or two +other things, and then we went to dine. + +As I bought each successive article I told my wants coarsely enough. +I felt her in the cab, and got so excited, that I pulled my cock out, +keeping it covered with my handkerchief, removing it from time to time +as I thought the sight of the cock would excite her. "The omnibus, the +omnibus" she cried out suddenly. Forgetting myself and all but my wants, +I had exposed my randy doodle just as an omnibus passed, and as I looked +up, there was the conductor laughing at me. I went to the N.... n +hotel, then just opened, and ordered a dinner; there the collars, cuffs, +gloves, and other things, she fitted on and looked at, and laid them +down, so that she could see them when dining. Gloves she had never put +on in her life before. The anticipation of the bonnet filled her with +delight; it was handsomer she was sure, than any one she ever saw Madame +wear; did I not think she would be handsomer than Madame, if as well +dressed? she was wild with conceit, and told me again how Madame had +refused to buy her things she wished; saying, that a servant could not +be allowed to wear them. This grievance had sunk deeply into her mind. +Meanwhile talking, laughing, joking, sometimes saying, "fi! fi! donc," +sometimes, "oh! villain!" sometimes giving me a kiss, sometimes saying, +"be quiet," she ate a good dinner, drank more champagne than she was +aware of, got more and more talkative, whilst I got more and more lewd. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + Undressing.--Silk stockings and garters.--The attack.-- + Foiled on the outside.--A battery.--A breech.--A tough + virginity.--Triumphant.--Sanguinary proofs.--The second + entry.--My foreskin.--Twenty-four hours fucking.-- + Gamahuching.--Six days pleasure.--Camille returns. + +"The bonnet will be home," said I, "let us go." "Allons, allons," so +off we went. It was dusk when we got in the cab. "I am to put on the +stockings if I give you a pair, and to feel," I said. "No man has, c'est +trop fort, you ask too much; you may put on garters below the knee." +"Why not above?" "Oh! quite different," said she, "in the fields no girl +minds putting her garter on before all the world below knee; but +above, sh! that is disgrace." Such is fashion, I have seen an Italian +market-woman stoop forward and piss whilst talking to a man (a +neighbouring stall-keeper): she saw no harm. An English woman would +burst first; yet if the Italian had put his hand rudely up her legs, +that man might have been stabbed by the woman. Louise saw no indecency +up to the knees, but above was a disgrace. "Put your boots up," I said, +up they went. "I may put garter to there?" said I feeling outside. +"Yes." I shoved my hand up her petticoats on to her thighs, they closed, +and down went the legs: a squeal, a struggle, but on her thighs I kept +it until I got to the house. + +We let ourselves in, the bonnet had not come, Louise opened the window +to look out for it, although it was dark. A ring came, it was the +bonnet; down she rushed for it. "Bring lights, bring lights," said she +taking one in her hand herself, the bonnet in the other; and rushing +into Camille's room where there were large glasses; she put on the +bonnet, clapped her hands for joy, and kissed me saying, I was so good. +She put on her gloves, and collar, turning round to me each time, and +asking how she looked. "Let me sleep with you, and I will buy you a +dress to-morrow morning," said I. "Impossible, impossible, was I not +going now," said she thoughtfully on a sudden. "No," I meant to sleep +there; and as I had fetched a valise, I pulled out my things, took off +my boots, put on a dressing-gown. "There," said I, "I shall sleep here +till Camille comes home." "There will be a row then, and what will I +do? Madame Boileau (the old woman upstairs) must know, and will tell +Madame," and she looked hard at me. + +Then she was attracted by my dressing-gown which was showy, but soon +began looking at herself again, and took off all her finery with a sigh. +"I am so hot and thirsty," said she. It was not wonderful, for she had +fed twice heavily, and been champagning off and on for hours, her hands +were burning, heat was throughout her frame. "Let's have some more +champagne," said I, and opened a bottle; I pulled my trows-ers off,--it +was so hot,--being then in dressing-gown, drawers, and slippers, I made +up my mind to force her, if I could do it no other way. Then my eye +caught sight of a white muslin wrapper which Camille wore, it was tied +down the front with blue bows. + +"Put on Madame's wrapper, if you are hot, you will look handsomer than +she does." She went into Camille's room, bolted herself in, and came +out looking splendid, and had only on beneath the wrapper, her coarse +chemise, which I could see (as indeed I knew before) just reached below +her knees. My heart palpitated, I was in my dressing-gown, she with but +the thinnest garments on. + +The champagne was before us, we were on the sofa, my arm was round her +waist; through the thin folds of her light dress I could feel her firm +haunches and well-moulded body; I talked baudy, squeezed her to me, +pressed her thighs with one hand, and put the other down her bosom. +Every now and then there was a scuffle, a cry, and forgiveness; then +resistance grew fainter, another glass of champagne, and her head +dropped on my shoulder, subdued by amourousness, and when I asked her +to let me sleep with her, she only said, "Oh! I dare not. I must not." +I slipped my hand up to her thighs, she put her hand down stopping its +progress. "If I could only get her into the bed-room, and on to the +bed," I thought and went to Camille's room, the candles were still +burning. "Would you like silk stockings? here they are." "Is it so?" +said she bounding up. I held them up before her. "Let me put them on." +"The garters above knee, mind." "Yes, yes," said she impatiently, "Give +them me". + +She sat down on the side of the bed, and let me put them on, putting one +leg up after the other, pulled off her new boots and old stockings, I +saw her thighs, but she never heeded, so anxious was she to get the silk +stockings on. I had thrown off my dressing-gown, and knelt in front +of her as a boot-maker does in fitting on boots. I was so slow, that +impatiently she said, "Give it me, give it me," pulled it on herself, +and then put on the boot. I sat down on the floor, lowering my head and +looking. Her silks and boots engrossed her. My prick came out from under +my shirt, stiff, standing, and pointing up to her; she never saw it, +but got up directly one garter was on, contemplated one leg in the +cheval-glass, laughed with delight, turned round, kissed me; then on +went the other. As I put that garter on, I kissed the thigh just above +it, up she got, lifted her robe to see her legs, strutted up and down +in front of the glass until tired of looking. Her fine limbs looked +exquisite in the silks and boots. + +I cuddled and kissed her, put my arm round her. "Do let me dear," I +said. I got my hand up her clothes and between her thighs, she crossed +her legs without replying. "I will fuck you, I swear I will," said I as +I forced my hand still closer in. "Oh! oh!" she said, and nothing more. +I pulled her backwards on the bed, my cock stiff, standing, was under +her eyes, drew her lips close to mine kissing rapidly: my fingers rubbed +the warm slit, her bum began to move uneasily, her breathing was short, +her thighs unclosed, my finger slipped farther. "Oh! don't hurt me," she +said sharply. Pressing her backwards on the bed, I lifted her limbs, she +was yielding, meant fucking. I ripped open at once the slight blue +bows which fastened the muslin gown, threw up the chemise, saw the +well-rounded limbs in silk, the bright red garters, the thighs above, +the black hair of her cunt, rolled on to her, was between her thighs, my +naked belly on hers, my prick touching the cunt-lips. + +The accumulators of my ballocks must have been gorged with sperm. Off +and on all day my prick had been on the stand, I had feared to touch +it lest it should go off, nor had I put the girl's hand on to it; the +last-hour my prick had been erect without subsiding. As my belly met +hers a tremor shook my whole frame. "My God, shall I spend outside?" +thought I; my prick like an iron rod touched the top of the wet slit and +slid right down on its passage. Is she virgin? a sharp cry, "Oh! don't +hurt me," I felt an obstacle, pushed violently again and again, "oh! +oh! don't," and then throb, throb, throb, with each throb a jet of sperm +shot out against the mouth of the orifice I had not penetrated, I lost +my power in the contentment of a copious emission, and the pleasurable +certainty, that no prick had yet been up the hole against which mine had +been battering. + +Next was fear lest she should get up, so rapid had the spend overtaken +me, that I had not got my hands under her, they were on the side of her +smooth haunches. To keep her under me until my powers returned, I slid +one hand under her bum, the other under her waist, and squeezed her to +me, then gently loosening my belly a little from hers I pushed again +where my prick laid. With what delight I found it still stiff, with an +obstacle in its front; I nestled gently in the spermy lips, the heat, +the smoothness gave me a tittillation as if a spend was again not far +off, and that I need not have feared my manhood. With pride and power +I clasped her, feeling sure she was virgin. There she lay in all her +beauty, submitting to my will, I enjoying my sense of power, wriggling +gently for a minute, till my prick demanded its right of entry. I +pushed, a sharp "oh!" a harder push, a louder cry, the obstacle was +tight and hard indeed, I had never had such difficulty before; my lust +grew fierce, her cry of pain gave me inexpressable pleasure, and saying +I would not hurt, yet wishing to hurt her and glorying in it, I thrust +with all the violence my buttocks could give, till my prick seemed to +bleed, and pained me. "Oh! mon Dieu! ne faites pas ca, get away, you +shan't," she cried, "oh! o-o-oh!". My prick moved forward, something +which had tightened round, and clipped it gave way; suddenly it glided +up her cunt, still tighter I clasped her, as she moved with pain beneath +me, my balls were dangling on her bum, my sperm shooting against the +neck of her womb, and I had finished the toughest virginity I ever had +yet. + +The job was done, months of anticipation, hopes, fears, and desire, +were over; my prick was in the cunt of a French virgin, at a cost of two +hundred pounds. After my second poke, I had a feeling of pleasure and +tranquillity, a weight off my mind, a future of voluptuousness before +me. My cock still lingered in her cunt, I moved it about, excited and +full of lusty vigor could have gone on fucking; but letting my penis +withdraw, I lay thinking about her cunt, then with a kiss lifted myself +off the beautiful creature who lay under me with eyes closed. I saw +the gauzy dressing-gown lying open, the blue bows torn, a coarse white +chemise in a well pressed heap, above a navel, an ample belly, finely +formed thighs, of a slightly brown tint, and on the chemise beneath +large spots of sperm, patches of blood, and spunk streaked with blood in +quantity filling and covering the space between the cunt-hole, getting +off I seated myself by the side of the bed; Louise seemed to awaken to +consciousness, and with the instinct of a modest woman covered +herself by drawing down her chemise, carelessly, half-sleepily and +unconsciously; more as if from habit than of thought to hide her charms. +Then she drew herself to the edge of the bed, put one leg higher up than +the other, resting her elbow on it, her head upon her hand, she looked +at me wistfully without uttering a word. + +A newly fucked woman rarely looks at the man, sometimes turns away, +rarely speaks, but avoids a man's eyes. Louise did not speak, but she +looked as if she was collecting her senses, looked so long and in +such manner, that it made me uncomfortable, until her fine legs, in an +attitude I had not yet seen them in recalled me to myself. "What lovely +legs," said I. She pulled the chemise down lower, but the chemise was +short, and she was sitting on it; she never took her dark eyes off me, +but with her head still leaning on her hand, said slowly, "You have +promised me never to go into the bed-room with my sister again!" + +"Your sister!" What a revelation! the likeness to Camille. I wondered it +had not struck me more completely before, the hesitation of Camille to +let me get the girl, her wish that she had never fetched her, her half +intention to send her home, the oath she made me take not to disclose +my having seen Louise's cunt when she was insensible: all struck me at +once. + +Louise jumped off the bed in a fright, "No, no, no," she said, "not +my sister, my mistress; did I say sister? I didn't mean it, it's my +mistress, don't say I said sister." + +I was certain she had spoken the truth: the likeness, Camille's anger +when I suggested making Louise drunk, her desire to be out of the house +when her virginity was taken, and other things crowded on my mind. "Deny +it as you like, ma chere, but you _are_ her sister, the very image of +her." + +"Don't say so." I swore I would never tell. "She will murder me if she +knows. She is a demon, you don't know her,--mon Dieu! mon Dieu! what +shall I do? I must run away." + +I calmed her, told her no one need know, I would never tell. She +believed me, seemed comforted, but still kept assuring me she had made a +mistake: she meant to say mistress. + +This was a funny episode, a funny conversation between a woman carrying +her first male spunk in a bloody cunt, and a man with a cock still +dripping with cunt-juices on to his shirt, sitting by her side. + +We talked by the side of the bed; then for a minute she put her head on +my shoulder and cried; it was over-excitement, nothing else, no regret. + +Was I going? My reply was to put on my nightgown, say I meant to sleep +all night with her; I showed her my shirt, dabbed with bloody semen, and +gloried in it, told her her chemise was in the same state. She begged +me to leave her, and pushed me into the sitting-room, wiped her bloody +quim, and changed her things. She could not find Camille's night-gowns, +her own were dirty, so she put on one of Camille's beautiful chemises, +and over it the white robe. What a difference that entry of my prick +had made: twelve hours before, a refusal to let me put on a garter, a +struggle, a fight to do it; now my hand rested tranquilly on the smooth +thighs, whilst she listened to the pleasures I meant to have with her. +I drew her towards the bedroom, pulled off her boots and stockings, her +robe, then her chemise, and she got into bed naked, and I with her. It +was a hot night, cuddling was close work; lying by her side, my mouth to +hers, my belly to hers, my doodle pressed close into her thighs, my +hand on her bum, our legs touching their whole length, I was talking of +fucking, and she listening lewdly. What a difference! I guided her hand +to my prick; oh! my delight in that, and hers! how quietly it laid where +I placed it.--then under my balls, her hand was quite full of them, and +there it lay, then again round my pego. Again it was beginning to swell, +she lay with her long black hair floating on the pillow, her eyes closed +in baudy reverie. "You have got my prick in your hand, it has been in +your cunt and spent in it." She moved her head close to mine and kissed, +my cock stood stiff at once. + +I closed to her, feeling every part of her body, excepting that which +I had just injured. That came in now for its share: thrusting one knee +between her legs I lifted hers so as to leave room for my hand between +them. She prayed me not, she was sore, ill, it hurt her. Hurt her? I +longed to hurt her, knew I was going to give her pain whilst I lied +saying that no pain more would she feel, and then with a little gentle +force, my finger slipping over her clitoris, I felt the cunt-hole +gently, went up it, she wincing and moving her bum in an inciting +manner, then up her orifice went my cock again, amidst murmurs and +prayers to leave her alone, a glorious fuck. + +Then I dozed, dropping off on one side from her sweet firm body; but +excitement would not let me sleep, I kept awaking as fast as I fell +asleep, a burning heat pervaded my penis, my mind dwelt on the day's +work, her limbs were close to mine, cunt in reach of my fingers, smell +of her body in my nostrils. The lights were out, she was slumbering with +quiet regular breath. Up came my prick again, my fingers slid between +the cunt-lips, felt the signs of my last pleasure, she awakened. "Oh! +don't." She was ill, sore, very sore, I was unkind; but what woman can +refuse the cock which has just wetted her. Now was a prolonged fuck; +then overcome with fucking, worn with excitement, I fell sound asleep. + +When I awakened the sun-light struggling through the red curtains cast +a pink tint over every thing. We had slept eight hours, were laying rump +to rump, naked and touching, for after much fucking, the fondest lovers +turn their arses to each other. What a sight she was as she lay on one +side, as sound asleep as a top, there had been but a sheet over us, that +was off, and she was naked. She had a pretty foot, the leg was perfect, +thighs and bum thinner than Camille's back-side, and thighs taken on +fullness at later age, or after one or two years good fucking which +serves quite as well; her breasts were superb, firmer and handsomer than +Camille's. On one side I saw the black crisp hair which shaded her seat +of pleasure; on the other I could, by putting my head on the bed, just +see the dark hair creeping between her bum-cheeks, her flesh had the +slightly brown tint common to French women; on the bed lay rounds of +spunk mixed with blood, a smear of it was on her thigh on the bum-side. +My prick rose again to stiffness at the sight, I wanted to piss +violently, but could scarcely accomplish it. I looked at my shirt tail. +Spunk and blood were thick on it, I found under the bed her chemise; on +it profusely were the bloody seminal marks of her virginity. I felt a +pain in my prick, and found the foreskin a little raw. I had paid for +hurting her by hurting myself; but what did that matter; I was the first +that had been up that cunt, had torn it open, my spunk was in her then, +the bloody indications were all around me. I awakened her. + +She looked at me, then conscious that she was naked, clawed up the +sheet; in a minute I was close to her. She went across to her own room +to piddle, then into bed again she got, and in spite of her I put it +into her. I felt the cunt tightening, looked at her: her manner was +different, I felt her clasping me, she was doing it involuntarily, +her breath came quickly, she was spending as my spunk came, her first +pleasure with me; all before had been pain,--I knew that. + +Then was more fucking, then she made coffee, we had eggs, bread and +butter, again to bed, and more fucking. We went without luncheon, +spending the entire day in bed, feeling, kissing, cuddling, fucking, +and sleeping. We were both worn out, and perhaps might not have got up, +excepting that I had to dress, to go downstairs, and then felt hungry, +so we both dressed, went to the same place as the day previously, had +a jolly good dinner as fast as we could and directly it was over went +back. I kept my finger on her cunt when in the cab, both going and +coming; the instant we returned we went to bed (it had not been made), +and fucked, and fucked, and fucked, and then slept a dozen hours without +awaking. A lovely time it was. + +Next day I was used up, I never could accomplish the wonderful fucking +bouts I have heard men brag about, but dare say in those thirty hours +I had fucked her twelve times. She was very tired with it, and was so +sore; I was also sore, my prick had slightly bled, the foreskin +was torn, and through that fucking bout my prepuce was easier ever +afterwards, I could pull it down better than I could before I had torn +open her virginity. + +The difference between the ways of a woman and man towards each other +after they have fucked is wonderful. On a previous night a woman may +have refused his kisses, and his embraces, and revolted at his hands +touching her quim. He although longing for her, eager to join his body +to hers, may have been timid, cautious in his language, hesitating in +action, and until passion got full sway, might as soon of thought of +putting out his doodle, and attempting to force it up her, as of +trying it on his aunt. But what a change a night has made: they sit +at breakfast he with satisfaction on his face as he looks at her and +thinks, that her most secret parts have not been strangers to him, has +felt between her thighs, the lips hitherto untouched by man, has been up +her cunt, and spent inside it the essence of his blood. "She has given +me pleasure, I have given her pleasure." She looks at him wondering how +she came to allow it, how she forgot her resolves, there need be no more +disguise, nor hindrance in the way of their pleasures, of the pleasures +she first tasted with him; all that she has been taught to hold most +sacred from man he has seen, felt, kissed, pierced, violated, and wetted +in. The virginity she prided herself on he has destroyed, she no longer +shuns him, but is ready to comply with all his wishes, hopes he will +compel her soon to yield again. This is the work of a few hours, and as +she sits drinking her coffee opposite to him she thinks with him, what a +change has taken place. + +That was my state of mind with Louise. I had had virgins before without +pride in having them, they came in my way, but never had I sought them. +Two certainly had never been breached before, but it gave me no pride +nor special gratification. This woman I had thought and thought about +for months, coveted and paid for the sole pleasure of piercing her +hymen. I had now the delight of experience, of leaving my sperm where +man had never left it before. This girl of sufficient age, growth and +form, I had bored with difficulty and pain, to her and myself, she +had bled, I had bled, I had torn up her cuntal diaphram, had given her +sexual pleasure, had revelled in her body. Shirt, and chemise, spunk +and blood slobbered lay there. I was rested, she was fresh, and I sat +at breakfast with as much complacency and jollity as a man could; yet +beyond fucking, I felt that I did not care one damn about her, and even +felt sorry. I cannot explain why I felt that, but recollect it. + +We had seven days before Camille would return, in those days I more than +fulfilled my word to the girl, bought dresses, a ring, brooch, umbrella, +parasol, in fact I don't know what I did not give, and must have paid +fifty pounds; we dined out, went to theatres, ate, drank, and fucked +like blazes. + +French women when they have given themselves up to a man, do so with all +their heart and soul. One day as luncheon began to operate on her, she +nothing loth, she strong, healthy, and with passions roused, feeding +daily in a way she had been unaccustomed to, yielded freely to my +wishes. I placed her on the bed-side, threw up her chemise, kissed the +dark crisp hair of her motte; her thighs separated, her limbs went up, +and I saw the adorable vermillion gap, the ragged tear my penis had +made. It was a small cunt for so fine a woman. What enticed, and incited +me I don't know, I never shall know why dozens of women I have had I +never have done it to, but I was taken with the feeling now. I looked, +fingered, titillated, kissed it, out went my tongue; it played lightly +over the clitoris, then baudy frenzy seized me, and I licked and sucked +her cunt. She wriggled, scarce knowing what I was about, when pushing my +head away she cried out, "oh! mon Dieu, ah! quelle bete! aho!" + +I had never done it willingly but to Martha, now the letch seized me +furiously, every day afterwards I had my mouth to her, and when I was so +fucked out, that I could come no more, would lay and lick her till she +was worn out too with spending. + +We had indeed no other amusement than fucking, talking about it, eating, +drinking, and sleeping, which was to us all the charm of a honey-moon. +I think I see her now, making my cock stiff under my direction, her +amusement at pulling the prepuce up and down was great, I almost feel +her bum now as she used to sit on my knee, looking at the pictures in +the baudy book; we used to talk it over until we went to bed, and +eased our passions, what fun when we did not mind washing each other's +privates, as we did. + +We used to lay on the bed with my head between her thighs, licking her +quim, she playing with my prick, but I never put my pego into her mouth, +nor did she ever do more than kiss it. + +On the day but one before Camille returned, we went to bed, had a fuck, +then a second, her cunt felt funny, and I found her courses had come on, +or as she called them, her periods. There was an end of my fun, nor was +I sorry. Not having left her day or night, nor been to my lodgings, nor +to my mother's, I was fucked out, and so was she,--so that her reds came +on most opportunely. + +Next day we were duller, there was nothing in her to make her a +companion when not in amorous amusements. She became tiresome, and +annoyed me by putting on her things one after the other, all day long, +and asking me, how she looked in them, if she did not look better than +Madame. Then how to tell her mistress she had got the things? what to +do, if her mistress refused to let her wear them? how was I to see her +again? At length we resolved to tell rousing lies about everything,--my +behaviour was in fact most absurd. + +The following day, a letter came to say Camille would be home that +night. I took away my trunk and clothes, went to my virtuous lodgings; +it was a relief to be away from cunt for twenty-four hours, and I could +not bear a woman with her courses on. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + Camille at home.--Her little game.--My greenness.--The + house in O.. d. n street.--The glove shop.--Louise fatigues + me.--Fred on the scent.--A cigar shop.--Three into one.--A + clap.--Serious reflexions.--The sisters disappear. + +A day or two recruited me, I wrote to Camille who met me in the street, +she had sent the girl to the theatre with a friend, so I went indoors +with her. "Have you done it to her?" was the first question, as if she +did not know, I told her all. She questioned me with strong interest. I +gave her the fifty pounds. Then she asked me if Louise had told me where +she came from, and other questions, which I saw were put to see, if +Louise had told about their relationship. As we talked I looked at her, +comparing her with Louise, and saw the likeness stronger than ever. "Why +stare so?" she asked. When she had heard of all our bum frolics she gave +a sigh and said, "Well, if I had not brought her to London, she would +have gone to Paris with A------ (mentioning some French name), and have +had it done to her there,--so it comes to the same thing." + +Then suddenly, "Are you never going to have me again?" "No," I had +promised Louise. She looked amorously fascinating. "She won't know it, I +have never had it since I left." She was half reclining on the sofa, by +intention or chance her legs raised up on the sofa, one flat, the other +foot on its heel, exposing the recumbent limbs from foot to knee. "Do +now," said she. "No," but I moved from the chair to the end of the sofa, +and began stroking her leg with my hand. + +She lifted the clothes just above the knee. I saw the large thigh +nearly up to her quim, my hand involuntarily slipped higher, and began +smoothing the flesh just above the garter. "Do it now," said she falling +right on to her back. + +I thought of Louise, of my promise; I knew the look of both their +cunts,--of Camille's the best,--desired to see, to compare it. I had +been feeling Louise's cunt eight days, now thought I should like to feel +Camille's to feel the difference, I knew her cunt was looser, and more +hairy, her bum and thighs bigger, yet was I right in my comparison? my +cock got uneasy, I helped it to rise in my trowsers by giving it a push +outside. + +"I won't have her," I thought, "but there is no harm in feeling," and +began playing with the hair of her motte. "Your hair is longer than +Louise's." She laughed, "Do it, baisez-moi," said she. + +My fingers touched the slippery cunt, it was irresistible, the next +instant they were groping and feeling. "Your bum is bigger than +Louise's," I said. She laughed again. + +Sitting where I was, and playing at stink-finger, my position was +inconvenient. "Come up closer," said she. Then I sat by her hips, on +the sofa-edge, she lifted her clothes right up: there was the quim, the +jet-black bush, the fine round thighs, my cock was restive, my hands +wandering, she unbuttoned my trowsers, gave my prick a squeeze, sending +up the blood and completed my randiness. + +"Louise won't know, you shall kiss me," and she raised herself to throw +her arm over my shoulder. Like a young virgin who says, "no, no," whilst +she yields, I kept repeating "no, no". The thighs had opened, I was +pulling open the lips and trying to see the red inside; and still saying +"no," slid on to her, on to it, up it, and spent before I well knew what +I was about. "Oh! you are so quick," said she, "you have spoiled me, I +was just coming." + +She did not mean to be spoiled, trying her most baudy endearments, she +held me tight, caressed me, as a French woman knows how,--better than +any other. Forgetting Louise, my mind fell into its baudy dreams, I +fucked her again, and then she let me get up. + +And then to business. "What are you going to do for the girl?" she +asked. "Nothing, I have given her money and things worth about a hundred +pounds, and have paid you, when I have her again I shall give her +money." "You promised to do something more, if not what will become +of her?" I did then recollect, that she had made me promise, but had +attached no definite ideas to it. + +"I relied on you, or would never have brought her; are you going to keep +her, or let her be gay like me?" + +I did not like either; to keep her I had no intention, did not even like +the girl, though I liked plugging her. Said Camille, "We have had a row +already, she won't work, and says she will wear the clothes she has got, +although I have only seen a few of them." "What do you expect?" I +asked. "Set her up in business, selling gloves or perfumes, a small shop +somewhere." + +Not liking the aspect of affairs, I left, it was the first time such +propositions had been made to me. I felt inclined never to go near the +house again, but had promised Louise to be with her soon, and always +kept my word, so thought over the matter. + +Keeping her was out of the question, I had heard that men who kept +women, did so for other men; besides I had no idea of tieing myself up +that way. I was not pleased with her: a fine girl, a fine fuck, a fresh +woman who shivered with delight the instant the prick entered her, who +was randy-arsed enough to learn anything in the way of copulation; she +had been delightful to me eight days, and might for more; but she was +coarse, vulgar, and had not two ideas in her head, was evidently violent +tempered, and excessively vain. Set her up in business! why she had cost +me hundreds to get her, why should I? + +I could not make up my mind, and resolved never to go near her again; +but two days afterwards, that funny sense of fullness came over my +cock-knob, then the tingling, then the desire for cunt, then for +Louise's cunt, the ragged slit made by my cock was before my eyes, and +instead of quenching my wants in the channel of some other woman, I went +there. Camille was just outside the door, and we conversed together in +G.. d.n Sq.... + +She suggested my seeing Louise alone, and paying her (Camille) as I had +done before. I did not mean to submit to that restraint, nor to keep +her, but let her go her own way. "What does it matter, she must know you +will find it all out, so why not at once?" I said. + +"If she knows that I know it, I must turn her out" ("I don't think +you would turn your sister out," I thought), "then I must put her into +lodgings, and she will be gay." "I can't help that." We came to no +conclusion, I left her, went to the door, rang, and Louise opened it. +She kissed and hugged me in the passage, a minute afterwards she was +on my knee grasping my prick, my fingers were on her cunt, our lips +together; in another with tongues lapping together I was up her; in two +or three minutes more we were quiet. + +(I should so like to experience the feeling a woman has as she sits and +talks with her cunt full of sperm, does it feel so very pleasant sitting +so?) She poured out her griefs, Camille had asked questions, who had +been there? how did she get the bonnet, the new boots? she had refused +to tell anything, Camille had said she had better go. "Why not tell +Camille?" I said, "if she did not like it she might lump it, as far as I +was concerned;" but the girl was evidently afraid,--or was it sham? + +Next day I wrote to Louise who met me, and I took her to a house into +which I had never been before. For three weeks I met her on writing +to her, and we spent hours together. She now had frequent rows with +Camille, each time she came to meet me she put on more of her new +things; at first she only came with a dress, then with the bonnet and +something else, and at last with all the finery; she looked a handsome +swell, but a vulgar one. I ceased paying Camille. + +One night she said Madame had had no one visit her for a long time, nor +was she much out but often was all night, where she went she did not +know; there was one man who came, a gentleman, she thought he was a +lover of Camille's. + +We came out of the house in -------- street one night after a surfeit of +voluptuous pleasures, when a woman stepped across the road, and lifted +up her veil. "Oh! my God, it's Madame," said Louise, and she got right +at the back of me where I stood. "So," said Camille, "I have found you +out, you have been in a baudy house with my old friend." She burst into +a laugh, turned, and went away without saying another word. + +I don't know what actuated me in my course of conduct, at that time I +knew well what I did, but my reasons are not so clear, I cared nothing +whether Louise knew that her mistress or sister knew I had had her, yet +I did not go to the house, firstly because Camille wished me not, unless +she was out, and it did not suit me to be waiting for a girl who was +burning to let me have her, and also because Louise was in a funk when +I was with her in the house, and Camille was out. I was convinced they +were sisters, and had a glimmering, that Camille would not like Louise +to know she had been got for me by her; yet I thought that it must be +found out. + +As Camille walked away Louise began to cry, I could not get a word from +her; we walked up and down A... street, she was frightened to go home, +we went back to the baudy house, and there we slept. The next day we +stopped there, and I went home with her,--Camille was within. + +"So you have been to a baudy house?" said she, "so you have been fucked, +fucked by my friend; you are a nice one to speak ill of other people." +"I am not a whore," said Louise taking cheek. "Ain't you?" said Camille, +"I don't know that." "Say I am a whore, and I'll hit you," said Louise +going up to her. "Have it out by yourselves, I am not going to stop for +a row," said I, "Camille be good to the girl." "If I had not brought her +from France she would not be what she is." What was I going to do with +her? "Nothing." "Then the sooner Louise went out the better." + +Louise sat down, and began silently crying. I hate to see a woman cry, +and always had one remedy,--could champagne be fetched? Mother Boileau +condescended to fetch some. We drank, I got communicative, and began to +tell Camille. She cut me short, wanted to know nothing, we had been in +a baudy house together, it was enough. What was I going to do? the girl +would no longer work, and she was going into other lodgings, I might +take hers for Louise if I liked. + +It gradually shaped itself to this: I was to take the lodgings, Camille +to stay rent free, a servant to be got, but one particular friend only +was ever to visit Camille there; Louise took Camille's bed-room, Camille +Louise's, I had in fact the pleasure of keeping both. The next night I +slept with Louise in Camille's bed, slept there several times, and +one morning Camille said, "You have got the girl with child, I quite +expected it." + +This annoyed me. I had been getting tired for some time, did not like +the girl, who became so jealous of Camille, wanted so much admiration, +that she quite fatigued me. She wanted to walk in the streets to be +admired. I had given her more clothes, she got careless, wanted to go +to theatres, and I took her. The Argyle was just opened, and I took +her there, she wanted me to go there often. I had seen one or two other +women I lusted for, but above all wanted to go to France with Fred who +had returned from India; so her being in the family way bothered me. I +got it into my head, that it was a plant, and took her to my friend the +doctor who said it was a fact. + +Camille asked me to meet her in G.. d. n Sq.. e, for convenience I took +her to the baudy house; she had got mighty particular, made me go in +first, and came in afterwards with her veil down,--she always now wore +a veil. She again asked me what I was going to do. She had got the girl, +and was sorry for it, at length she said, "I am going to be married, go +into business, and will take her with me, if you will help, or I will +get her home again to France, if you will give her money." I agreed to +think of it. + +We sat on a sofa. As I looked at her I began to feel a desire for her. +"Let us have a kiss," said I, "for old acquaintance sake." "No," said +she, "I am going to be married, am perhaps watched, am frightened of +being here. I expect my friend back from abroad daily, he may have come +back now. Madame Boileau knows him, I must be careful." + +But how can a woman resist a man who has had her often, who knows every +crack and cranny of her body, has looked at her motte long enough to +count every hair on it, a few rubs on her clitoris, and back she fell +on the sofa. We were both dressed, but plunging up her, and grasping +her ample rump, I was soon enjoying her; when thinking of Louise, and +I suppose comparing her mentally, I said in the height of my pleasure, +"Oh! I like fucking you better than your sister after all," or something +to that effect. + +"What?" said she with a start as her cunt clipped, and jerked my prick +out. Cursing, and damning at my interruption I drove it up again, and +consummated. + +"What did you say about being like my sister?" said she as I still +lay with my doodle up her, "what sister?" I replied she looked so like +Louise, that she must be her sister. "But she is not, although she is +like me." Then the matter dropped, and she slopped her cunt clean. I +used to like a woman whom I knew not to wash it, when I was going to +fuck her again, Camille had humored me in this, and as my lust came on +for my second poke, used to bring my amatory pastime by looking at the +cunt with my pleasure signs on it. So Camille washing astonished me. "I +am going to be married, and must," said she. + +We had more fucking before we left. She was all anxiety about Louise, +for I would say nothing. "You will never see me here again," said she, +"nor have me again, and may do with Louise what you like, I shan't be +here, you will throw her on the town". Then she veiled closely, and made +me go out first. I waited at the top of the street ten minutes, out she +came, veil down, and shot off in the direction of G..d.n sq..e like an +arrow. + +I now with perversity longed for Camille, instead of Louise, but never +had her afterwards, never sent my tallow up her, although I tried once +or twice. + +I began going about elsewhere, sleeping with Louise at times; but she +was always pestering me about being in the family way, which annoyed +me; and wanted such a lot of ballocking, that that annoyed me also. My +cousin Fred wanted me to go to Paris with him, Louise said I was going +to forsake her. One night after dining with her, coming out we met my +cousin Fred, nothing put him off, and he would walk with us. The next +day he said in his old unchaste way, which some years in India had not +improved, "So that is the woman your mother says she fears has got hold +of you." It was the first time I had heard, that my mother had any such +suspicion, for although she had spoken to me about my wildness, she had +never referred to a woman; but she had told my aunt, who told my cousin +my mother was awfully astonished. For that six years I had shagged all +our servants under her very nose, yet she had not the faintest suspicion +of it, my pranks now coming to her ears, shocked her extremely. I told +Fred, that I had had Louise's first, to which he replied, that he should +like to rattle his stones against her arse. "Is she a good fuck? where +does she live?" I did not mean his stones to knock against her arse as +long as mine did, I replied, "Oh! you are fond of her then?" "No, but +I preferred her to myself." "Lord, what does it matter?" said he, "white +women are scarce in India, there was one that all in my regiment were +fond of, there was not an officer who did not stroke her, none of us +minded; we say 'the more a cunt's buttered, the better it grinds.'" I did +not see it in that light, so with the remark from him, that she was a +damned fine piece, we parted. + +Two or three days afterwards he spoke of her again, said he knew where +she lived, so I thought he was hunting after her which annoyed me; not +seeing that if he had got into her, I could have left her with good +excuse. + +I had tried to learn from Louise if she knew where Camille went all +day, but could learn nothing, one night in bed with her however, whilst +handling each other's privates, and under the sympathy generated by the +rub of my fingers on her clitoris; she on my solemn promise of secrecy, +told me that an old friend of Camille's had opened a glove and lace shop +in O. f..d street. I saw a small shop, there was a Frenchman in it whose +face I seemed to know. I waited near it one night, and saw Camille leave +the shop closely veiled, and take the best way towards G..d.n sq..e. +Madame Boileau was like an oyster I could get nothing out of her, +although she took my money. I was sure that Camille went to the shop +daily, or nearly so, and as no man came to the house, suppose she got +her cunt plugged in the shop parlour. + +Afterwards Fred talked so much about Louise, that I said I kept her. +"There are two there, do you keep both?" "Yes." "Then you are a fool, +you can't be sure of one woman's cunt if you are not with her always, +but two together are sure to make a couple of whores,--no wonder your +tin goes so fast." + +Meanwhile I went out with him of a night, and we had different women. +One night three of us went to a cigar-shop kept by two women just by +------ it was not an unusual thing then for two to have a cigar-shop, +with a big sofa in a back parlour, one keeping shop whilst the other +fucked. From talking we got to business without intending it. Fred began +joking the girls, we went into the back parlour, and had wine, one +asked my cousin if he did not want to lie down and rest himself. He said +"yes," but wanted warmth to his belly when he rested. "You may have my +belly to warm you," said she. "What here?" "Oh! they can wait," said the +girl, "and your quiet friend can find his tongue with my sister" (the +other girl). I had not spoken, being at times timid at first with a +woman, and especially a gay one. + +We said jokingly, that we had no money. "I will take you all for a +sovereign," said she, "and the one who I say is the best poke shall give +me another half-sovereign." It was agreed, we tossed up for the order of +the fucking, two went outside while the other had his pleasure. My turn +came last, the excitement in thinking of what was going on made me in +such a state, that I was no sooner up her than I spent; when I went +out the other girl said. "You have been in a hurry." My cousin was +pronounced the best fucker. Whilst the strumming was going on in the +parlour, people bought cigars, and tobacco--for it was really sold +there,--little did they guess the fun going on behind that rod curtain +of the shop-parlour. + +A night or so after I slept with Louise, I felt uneasy in the tip of my +prick, and saw unmistakably that it was the clap. It was not Louise's +gift, for great was her surprise when I saw her twice afterwards, and +never attempted to have her. She was annoyed, and said she supposed I +had another friend, and put herself in such luscious attitudes, that +I got a cock-stand, and could scarcely resist putting it up her, but +saying I was ill went away. Fred said he should go to Paris without me, +I was to join him in a fortnight. What with being indifferent to Louise, +annoyed with her randiness, her vulgarity, and temper, being in fact +tired of her and the expense, and now having the clap, I determined to +break off; so wrote to Camille to meet me. + +I told her I had the clap. "I thought there was something wrong," said +she, "but Louise I can swear has never had any other man than you, take +her to any doctor you like." Then she told me, that in three weeks she +meant to leave England, and Louise must do the best she could, she had +taken means to bring on the girl's courses, would I send her back to +France, or must she go gay in London. + +I could not bear the idea of the girl being gay, so agreed to give her +money to take her abroad with her, and she accepted. By her advice I +wrote to Louise, said I had the clap, and feared I had given it to her, +that she would not forgive me I was sure, and so never meant to see her +again. + +I sent a cheque to Louise, it passed through my bankers, and suppose the +girl had it. Then went to Paris, my illness kept to me, so returned to +London, got a little better, longed for Louise, stood opposite the house +one night, nearly crossed over to have her, but resisted, and seeing a +nice woman in Regent street went home with her. I was so impatient, that +I pushed her to the side of the bed directly I was in the room, felt +for her cunt, and spent in her in a minute, she had not taken her bonnet +off. My spending hurt me, my doctor had told me I could go with a woman +without fear of injuring her, but that for my own sake I had better +abstain. She got up, and took off her bonnet, to see if lying down had +hurt it. "I'll have you again," said I. "Let me wash, you've spent such +a lot, it's all running down my thighs." Again I fucked her; and next +morning my ailment came back. My doctor said it served me right. + +Shortly after "lodgings to let" was posted up in Camille's windows, on +calling, Madame Boileau came to the door. The two women had left, +the shop in Oxford street was shut up, and I never heard of the women +afterwards. + +I am astonished now, that I was wheedled out of so much money for a +French virgin. How I could have done much that I did makes me now laugh, +I must have been very green, and Camille very cunning; but I was also +rich, and generous, which accounts for much. I see now how largely I was +humbugged, but cannot explain or reason about it. I am telling facts as +they occurred, as far as I recollect them, it is all I can do. Certainly +I had a splendid full-grown virgin for my money, the toughest virginity +I yet have taken, a regular cock-bender, and had an uninterrupted +honey-moon. Camille was a most superior harlot, genteel, clever, and +voluptuous, such as are not usually found; with her and her findings I +had a year's enjoyment, leaving me lav, blaze, and a half-cured clap. +What with women, horses, carriages, cards, dinners, and other items, I +was a few thousands poorer than at the beginning of my acquaintance with +Camille. + +It's my fate to have sisters,--how curious I--and thrice to have had the +clap, and yet not three-and-twenty,--how hard! + +I was very much used up, and needed rest for body and mind; never had +I been so much so before. Up to the time of getting my fortune want +of money curbed my lascivious tastes, and although I had servant after +servant in my mother's house, the difficulties of getting them, gave +me frequent rests, and prevented me generally from exhausting myself; +perhaps I got just enough fucking to keep me in health. The year's +rioting with Camille and her troupe, would have tried a strong man; +I never counted them, but think, that in that year I must have poked +something like sixty, or seventy different women, I poked everyone of +Ca-mille's acquaintances, I am sure,--so it was time I had a rest. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + Enforced chastity.--A stricture.--Health restored.--Mrs. + Pender.--A peep from a hay-stack.--In a cow-house.--Stable + and barn.--Mother's satisfaction. + +My clap brought on a stricture, obliging me to have a bougie passed +every other day to stretch the pipe often, and causing me to piss clots +of gruelly blood, about an hour afterwards. I dared not fuck, but once +frigged, and it brought on the inflammatory stage again. At length I +got better, but with a gleet which wetted the tail of my shirt through +daily; doctors advised me to get a change of air, I went to my aunt's +place in H..tf..dshire where I took cold baths, and did all I could to +get myself well,--I was forbidden to touch a woman until permitted by +the doctor. + +Touch women I did not, think of them I did eternally, and deplored the +time that I was wasting. I used to look at my female cousins, and long +for them; my aunt whose flabby, brown-haired, thick-lipped furrow I +glanced at in my boyhood I used to think about and should not have +hesitated in getting a pleasure up it, had no other cunt been ready for +me. I eyed the farm-women (coarse, strong, healthy bitches) with lust +that made them look beauties in my longing eyes, I was boiling over +with spunk, at the closet one day my turds were hard, and hurt me; the +irritation affected my ballocks, my prick stiffened rigidly, I could +not piss for it, the tip looked dry, as if gleet had ceased, I merely +touched the top (not frigged), and out shot my sperm as I sat on the +privy seat. What a relief! but what a loss of pleasure not to have +injected into some dear little cunt nicked in some smooth white bum! My +prick seemed quite well, and I wanted to go into the fields to get hold +of some girl doing field-work, or any woman, old or young, who had a +cunt available; so I went to town to see my medical man about it. He +pointed out to me how needful it was to restrain myself, I followed his +advice, in two weeks was much better, and had determined to go to town +to see him again about it, when I got well without him. + +Some years before I had seen a farm-girl whose name was Pender, a fine +lass with a merry face, and lightish brown hair; she must then I suppose +have been about seventeen years old. From ogling and laughing, I got to +kissing, with that she was pleased enough, and often I think put herself +in my way to get it; a pinch on the bum she did not resent. Thinking all +safe, I one day poked her near to her notch, and she only saying, "Adun +now sir, do," my hand went up her petticoats, I struggled with her, and +we both fell on the grass near a barn, when my fingers touched her cunt. +She set up a yell, my fingers were stained with her monthlies (not the +only time that has occured in my life), she sat for a minute crying, +then walked away, leaving me in fear lest she should tell my aunt. +She never did, but avoided me, and would not look me in the face. When +older, I only thought of her when there, or when my memory ran back on +the quims I had touched in my then short career. + +Having now nothing to do, but to read, and idle about, I was wandering +in the farm, fields, stable, cow-houses, everywhere, and soon knew all +the faces on the estate. Among them was Pender, still so named, she +having then been married about a year to a man bearing her own maiden +name, and was then about twenty-three years old; a tall, strapping +woman, with a bum as big as a washing-tub; brown she was from working in +the sun, but fucking regularly as I supposed had cleared her complexion, +she was a good, comely country-woman. Our eyes met, both at the instant +thought of the day when I got my fingers red up her petticoats; she +curtsied, and blushed, I laughed with a baudy look I expect, and said, +"Well you still here." + +I spoke to her again on other days, her husband worked on the farm, and +she was dairy-woman. Whenever I saw her my prick stood, and I avoided +her, for fear of an erection increasing my gleet. + +There was hay-making,--lolling about with a book I went to look on, it +was at one or two fields off from a large rick-yard which was near +to the farm buildings. There was a half-made hay-stack with a ladder +against it, up which without any object I went idly, and laying down +went on reading. It became cloudy, the headman calling out said, "We'll +have rain, cut off all on yer, and get the hay up into cocks, yes +you,--you,--yes you too" (I did not know who he was talking to.) Men and +women crossed the rick-yard, and went off in the distance, Pender was +one, and was well ahead, when he called out, "You had better get the +dairy-work done though." She turned, and coming slowly back stood still +a moment, then comfortably squatted, and pissed. + +I laying half buried in the hay was not visible to her, but seeing her +piddling, raised myself, and looked. + +As she finished she gave her clothes that usual hitch against her cunt, +looked up, and saw me, turned round quickly, went away from the yard, +and then as if she had forgotten, turned round with her head hanging +down, and came through the rick-yard. I slipped from the stack, and met +her at the foot of it,--we were surrounded with stacks. + +Her face was red. "A comfortable piddle you had," said I stopping her. +"Adun sir," said she. "A kiss, for old acquaintance," snatching one. "I +am married," said she. "Don't care, so much the merrier, it's not so +wet as it was, when I felt it some years ago?" "Oh I lawk don't, I'm +married." + +We had moved a little, were by the hay-stack then making, a heap of hay +had fallen as they had lifted it from cart to the stack. I closed with +her, kissing and hugging, gave her a push, and we both tumbled into +a sitting position together on the heap, she half laughing, half +resisting; then kissing her, suggesting pleasure, pulling out my prick, +seeing a thick pair of legs in dark stockings, big thighs, a belly, some +brown hair at the bottom of it, I felt cool flesh, a wet warm split, and +was on her, up her, and spent in her. + +I came to myself with a tingling aching sensation inside my prick, the +stiffness, and spending had hurt the urethra which had been split by the +bougie. I had a notion that blood must be coming, and still stiff pulled +it out of her; the little lingering sperm on the tip looked all right, +she had not spent, for I don't think I could have shoved more than once +before I had emitted my semen. I threw myself on her to put into her +again, but she baulked me. "Oh! now for God's sake if my husband caught +us there would be murder," but I was burning with want, it was more than +two months since I had clutched a woman's backside, and spent up a cunt. +Furiously I pulled her back, rolled over her, and fingered her; she rose +spite of me, and went off. "Pray don't come with me, we may be seen, I +wouldn't for the world we were seen coming out the rick-yard together." + +A minute's reflection made me wiser. I got upon the hay-rick again, saw +men and women in the hay-field a long distance off, I called out +names of one or two I knew,--no one answered, went into the farm-yard, +hollowed there, no one answered, thence went into the cow-house,--there +was she milking. + +I stood by the cows, pulled my prick out, begged her to let me do it +again, talked all the baudiness I could, reminded her of when first I +wetted my fingers in her red-stained cunt, lifted up the cow's tail, +swore if she did not let me I would put my prick up the cow. It was +funny to see a woman whose cunt was full of sperm pulling vigorously +at a cow's teats, whilst a man with his prick exposed was holding up +a cow's tail showing its cacked arse, and not too clean cunt. What +absurdity will not a lewd man do? + +"I must get this done, I am frightened, we shall be seen, we shall be +caught," said she. I dropped on my knees, and as she went on milking, +put my fingers up her petticoats, the slit was wet with my leavings. I +pulled her face towards me to kiss, whilst she kept tugging at the cow's +teats. + +When the cow was dry she took the pail across the yard to the dairy, +emptied it, and came back, looking in all directions, called out some +name, but all were at the hay-making, heavy drops of rain were falling. + +"Come to the stable," said I, and laying hold of her pulled her in that +direction. + +I partly coaxed, partly pulled her, she looked uneasily round the +farm-yard, and we entered the cowshed. At one end of it was a cart-horse +stable, close to that a large barn. With arm round her I led her towards +the barn, there was straw and hay there; but in the stable in the first +empty stall was a heap of fresh straw. I pushed her down on to it, the +next instant I was fucking her, and what a fuck! I shall recollect it to +the last day of my life, it was delicious. It was two months since I had +had a woman; here was a stout, fat-arsed, hard-fleshed, healthy country +woman; rough, dirty with work, but whose thighs were white, and whose +cunt was a clipper, who was randy, had every capability of giving a +man delight. No highly fed woman clad in silks and satins, could have +ministered to me as she did, as replying to my thrusts her cunt sucked +my prick up her, and we spent together. + +I raised myself up without uncunting; the straw rustling and crushing +under us, too excited to lay still, after I had spent. She lay in quiet +enjoyment, till putting down one hand to feel round our bellies, I +roused her, then she wriggled, and out slipped my cock. "I must get up, +for God's sake let me." + +We got up. I don't suppose that more than twenty minutes had passed +between my first, and my second poke, still my prick remained stiff. She +went quickly to the cow-shed, put down the milking-stool, sat down and +began again tugging at a cow's teats, I again standing by her side with +my privates hanging outside my trowsers. + +I wanted to see her limbs, to feel her breasts. The idea of her cunt +squeezing out its moisture on to her chemise as she sat on the stool, +the desire to see every part of her, that irresistible want to see all, +feel all, and satisfy every sense which springs up in the mind of a +man when a woman has satisfied his voluptuousness for the first time +overcame me. She tugged at the teats. "Oh! go, pray do,--I won't,--you +shant,--ye've done me over.--oh! if you are seen here what will be +said?--don't now get a poor woman into trouble, the milking must be +done, if it's not what shall I say?" and tug, tug, went both hands +milking. + +Said I, No one would come back until they had raked up the hay out of +harm from the rain. She knew better. "Yes they will if they are kept +late, some one will go to the Hall for beer, and they come back through +the rick-yard for cans; go away for God's sake." I went back to the +rick-yard, and saw a man coming as she had said, did not know which way +to make off, but the hay-stacks helped me, and I dodged up to the Hall; +it was about three minutes only from the farm-yard, and led to it by a +lovely shady walk. + +Female servants only were in the house, even my aunt and cousins had +gone to the hay-meadow; soon a man emerged from the Hall with two huge +cans in his hands: it was Pender's husband. He went off with them filled +I suppose. I walked across the lawn and pleasure-gardens which the +fields surrounded, saw him in the distance, then made my way to +the cow-house again. "He's gone." "I have been so frightened," said +she,--but did not say it was her husband. She was still at the cows +teats. + +I would not be repulsed, nearly upset a pail of milk, and swore I would +have her again. She refused, prayed me, then promised she would, if I +would let her take the milk into the dairy. Permitting it, she stayed +a few minutes, then out she came, looked all round, again called out a +name before entering the stable. The next minute we were on the straw, +my hand between her thighs. "You have washed your cunt," said I. "I did +it in the dairy," said she. + +I had a grope, tickled her clitoris, got my mouth on to her belly, my +lips outside her cunt, we fucked, and again she went to her cow's teats. +All this was in broad day-light, although evening was coming on. + +She finished milking. "I ought to go to the hay," said she; but I would +not let her, held her back, and swore if she went I would follow her. +"What have I done?" said she, "I must be mad." Then she took as was her +custom, milk up to the Hall, I awaited her return, looking at my cock +from which to my delight, all signs of gleet had gone. + +For some time I had had mostly gay women, this was a return to old +times. It was pleasant to have a fuck on the sly, with a woman who +showed real pleasure, who shivered with delight, and grasped me like a +vice. Besides there was the stinging element of adultery. I laughed +to myself at the idea of her husband's prick going up where I had been +three times; my prick began to stiffen, and then droop, then rise again. +I felt sure that, at the feel of her quim I should be all right. "If I +can once get it up her, once feel her cunt-lips closing round it, get a +good clip round her buttocks, I am sure I can fuck her again before they +come back from the hay-field," thought I gently frigging my cock, and +looking through a crack in the door. + +She came back. I went at her in the cow-house; the only immediate fear +now was that a servant might come from the Hall. To make the story +short, I got her into the barn, where the light was less; and she let me +do more as I liked. I had a look at a thick brown-haired motte, a belly, +and a pair of white round thighs a duchess might have been proud of, +I kissed her cunt, and fumbling about from her navel to her arse-hole, +fucking her with a long lingering fuck which left us both silent, and +enervated. My cock lingered up her as I lay quiet, squeezing my belly up +to hers, my lips still against her rosy mouth, and said, "You will have +a boy this day nine months." + +And she did have a boy that day nine months. A second time that prophecy +had come true alas! + +With a kiss we parted; men were returning from the fields. I got to the +Hall. At dinner my aunt said, "Walter you should have given us help, all +should help hay-making, when rain comes on; but you are too lazy; what +have you been doing?" "Dear aunt, I have been reading steadily ever +since." Said she, "How fond of reading you are for a young man of your +age; how you can like to be so much alone, as you have been lately I +cannot imagine, it would be better if you took more exercise." She did +not know the condition my cock had been in. And my mother was delighted +at my being in the country, thinking I was getting steadier, and away +from bad company. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + Aunt at the dairy.--Morning amusements with Pender.--Female + hay-makers.--Mrs. Whiteteeth.--An exhibition of cock.-- + Against a field-gate.--A night on the grass.--A sight from + the barn-loft.--Robert the page.--Molly. + +I could scarcely sleep that night. Pender seemed to me the most +delicious woman I had ever poked. What if excitement had brought back +the clap! what if I had clapped her! I had never after the clap had a +woman until the doctor said I might. When I awakened, to my joy my prick +was as dry as a bone; a woman was what I had wanted to complete my cure. +The next minute my prick was stiff as I thought of Pender's charms. + +It was a lovely morning, every available hand in house and farm was sent +off to scatter the hay which on the previous night had been heaped up, +Mrs. Pender excepted, whose dairy duty kept her at the farm. I caught +her in the cow-house to her astonishment, for it could not have been +more than six A.M. To rush up to her, and kiss her was instantaneous. +She repulsed my wandering hands. "Oh! sir, don't now,--no never, never +again (married women always say that), Missus will be coming,--no +never,--I'm a married woman,--now pray,--you shant." I got her back up +against a wall, my hand on her fringe, my mouth pressed to hers; how +was it possible to resist? At ten paces was the stable, and the friendly +hay. What a ballocking I gave her, with the summer sun shining through a +window on to us, as we lay together in the early morning. + +She sat down to milking with her cunt full of me. "They be all up at the +hay," said she, "but Missus comes every fine morning to the dairy (that +was true), she won't be here for an hour; but if she were, what would I +do? my husband will be back, he'll take breakfast to the fields, to save +time, in chance of wet again coming on. Oh! do go." There was certainly +all those chances. Off I went across the rick-yard, round the belt of +trees which skirted the house and gardens, so that I seemed to enter +from the opposite side to that where Pender sat milking. + +"Is my aunt up?" "No sir, she won't be down till seven o'clock when +she goes to the dairy." I took a book, sat down till the servant +disappeared, then running by the path soon to be described, was in two +minutes in the farm-yard. Pender was in the dairy, resistance was vain, +and with her back up against the dairy wall we fucked. I cut back to the +house, and sat outside reading. Soon after aunt appeared. + +Said she, "What is the matter, that you are up so early?" (I usually was +asleep at that hour.) "I could not sleep, dear aunt." "It would do you +good if you always got up early, come with me to the dairy." In five +minutes aunt and I were there. Lord, how Pender looked when she saw us +together! + +Aunt took pleasure in her farm. Every morning if well she walked down to +it, saw how many eggs had been laid, and if butter-making, etc., went on +rightly. Pender attended, whilst aunt with spectacles on was looking at +the cream-pans, and asking questions, I looking as if deeply interested +in the matter, was pinching Pender's bum as she stood besides my aunt. +"How hot you are Pender," said my aunt looking at the woman. "It is +hot ma'am," she replied, perspiration streaming down her face. How very +uncomfortable she looked. + +At breakfast aunt said, "What do you think Walter has been to the dairy +with me." "Lor'!" said my lady cousins, "that is wonderful; he to get +up so early!" "Have you had that dairy-maid long, aunt?" "Why don't +you recollect she was housemaid here once?" "No." Then aunt told the +history, which till then I did not know. + +At the time of my unsuccessful attempt at a feel, she was engaged to +a young man; they quarrelled, he left the village to go for a soldier, +came back; again a quarrel, and again off he went. After a time he wrote +to say, he meant to marry another girl. Pender was in great grief. Just +then a head-man on the estate, about fifty-five years old, offered her +marriage, and in a reckless state of mind, she accepted him. Directly +afterwards her sweetheart came back, his statement was a false-hood, +told to try her. It was too late, and he went to America. "She is a very +nice, steady woman," said aunt, "they lead a quiet life, but I don't +think she is very happy, twenty-three and fifty-five are not a good +match." + +Food was sent to some of the farm-laborers at a meadow half-a-mile off. +I had the pleasure of seeing my cousins, aunt, and two of the female +servants in big straw hats, go off to the field. They thought haymaking +good fun. I promised to join them, and directly they were out of sight +cut off to Pender, dodged all round the rick-yard to see if I was alone, +and found her tranquilly churning butter. The stable still appeared +the best place. Thither we went, and for the first time quietly, so to +speak, I saw the article, and all its surroundings, which had given me +several pleasures; and after fucking her I went to join my aunt, as I +had promised her. + +I had soon enough of hay-making myself, so laid down in the shade +watching the hay-makers (nearly all women). As they moved along in rows, +lewd thoughts occupied my mind. One biggish woman attracted my notice by +her magnificent white teeth; looking at her short petticoats, and thick +legs, lewdness increased to a cock-stand. I stared so as she approached +me, that she could not fail to notice it. "It's hot," said I. "It be +sir." She stooped with her bum towards me, and lying down as I was, I +saw nearly to her knees. "What would I give," I thought, "to be close up +to your bum-cheeks." Dirty linen, dirty clothes, sweaty flesh, none of +those objections occured to me. Then I moved farther up the field to get +nearer, for working along the ridges, they had got away from my resting +place, and again laid down reading a newspaper. I covered my lap with +it, feeling my prick beneath it, then I pulled my prick out (what +risk!), and just as she heading the file of women came towards me, and +began turning round; I again spoke to her. She stopped, the others went +on; I lifted the newspaper; there stood my prick, red-tipped as a berry. +She looked at it, at me, and putting one hand up to her mouth as if to +stop her laughter, turned and followed on the others with her work. Soon +returning she was again facing me, I saw her white teeth as she smiled, +and her eyes fixed on me; the other women turned round, she stopped +for a moment, off went the newspaper, and she gazed at my doodle for a +second or two again. She was further off then, and I saw her speaking +to the woman just in front of her, who looked round; I thought she had +told, and in a funk left the hay-field. + +In the afternoon in the farm-yard, there were people about, and no +chance of having Pender. My desire to have her was intense. After dinner +I went to the farm, Pender had gone home, so I strolled into the lane +which the farm-buildings abutted on. + +Between the Hall and farm-yard was a shrubbery path; laurels, hollies +and evergreens nearly met over head. It joined a belt of walk and +plantation which skirted the lawns, gardens and a small paddock, and hid +the farm-yard from the house. It took two or three minutes to walk from +the farm to the house. The farmyard on the other side opened on to a +lovely village lane running between fields for a mile or so; on one side +the land belonged to my aunt, the other to another proprietor. No one +scarcely went along it but farm people. At one end were the two cottages +in which I had fucked the two sisters years before; lower down past +the farm-gates, were one or two other cottages in which lived +farm-labourers, and in one of them the Pender's. The lane then joined +the high-road, which led by a half-a-mile to the front of my aunt's +house, and to the village. The farm-gates were always closed at dark. +A great bell which when pulled set a dog barking was the way of getting +in, after dark. + +Leaving the wicket-gate ajar, I went down the lane, it was darkish, a +fine summer night, but no moon. I knew where Pender lived, and by cunt +attraction strolled in front of the cottage, though fearing to be seen. + +As I left the farm-gate, female hay-makers who had worked till dark, +passed, curtsying as they recognized me. I thought of Whiteteeth but +saw her not. Turning back from Penders after I had strolled past the +cottage, I went up the lane languishing with lust, and leaned against a +field-gate. I heard a step,--it was the woman with white teeth. + +"Good night." "Good night sir." "Come here." She stopped, came close, +I laid hold of her arm, and drew her close to the gate. "Come into the +field with me, I will give you five shillings." + +A slight chuckle, the white teeth show. "I dare not." But as she spoke I +had got her back up against the gate, and my hand on her grummit. + +"My old man will be waiting me,--I can't." Lifting her clothes I tried +to impale her as she stood. "No, no,--some one will pass," said she in a +whisper. I put my hand on the latch, the gate opened, and we were in the +field; the gate closed with a snap. I led her along by a ditch to a turn +in the hedge; she made no resistance, in a minute we were buried in deep +grass, my doodle buried in her cunt, we had spoken in whispers, all was +silent excepting the insects which chirped in the hot summer's night. + +How delightful these chance pokes are; there was my prick which had not +been washed since it had left Pender's cunt, now wetting to its roots in +the cunt of an unknown woman,--and I'd only just recovered from a +clap. Not a word had we spoken from the moment we entered the field. +We copulated in quietness. My prick did not uncunt, but I moved my arse +outwards, when with tightening grasps, a heave up, and a tightening of +her cunt, she whispered, "Go on doing it" + +I could see the white teeth, but indistinctly, there was just sufficient +light to see outlines, and anything white, but no colour. "I don't think +I can, I have been doing it all day," I said. + +"You've had one of the other women," said she in a whisper, "if I'd +knowed it, you should not have had me," and with a jerk she uncunted me. + +"No," said I, "it's a joke." She raised herself slightly-to look me +in the face, but it was too dark. "I thought not," said she; then she +caught hold of my prick, fell on her back again, I saw indistinctly a +broad expanse of thigh and belly. "Let's feel,--let's look." Wide open +were her legs in a minute, I felt a great, cool belly, strong, thick +crisp hair, my fingers moved easily up the buttered love-trap, I could +not see the opening. + +"Hush!" said she, "there is a footstep." Quiet on the grass we lay; +tramp, tramp it came, past, and died away. "I wonder who it be," said +she. + +She had kept hold of my prick, and soon our bellies met. When done +she hurried me not out of her, seemed to like my indulgence, till she +whispered, "I must go, keep here till you can't hear my footsteps before +you come out, we be near the yard, and if I be seen I don't know what +they will say." + +"My old man's at the 'Lion,' but I'll go straight home." "Perhaps he'll +have gone home." "Not he,--they allus sticks at the Public late, when +they works late." And with her cunt reeking, off she went. + +I followed, intending to walk round to the front of the Hall. Passing +Pender's house, to my astonishment she was standing at the door. I went +up to her. "Oh!" said she, "Pender will be home, I expect him every +minute." She could hear his footsteps a mile off, but she would not let +me into the house. + +Opposite to Pender's was also a field-gate, I persuaded her to come out +and stand there with me; the hedge hid anyone coming along the lane. "At +the first sound of a footstep," said I, "I will go into the field, and +you can cross to your house." I was longing for the woman, but scarcely +thought I could do it after my day's fucking. The idea of putting my +prick still wet with Whiteteeth's juices, into Pender's quim, stimulated +me; my cock stood (in those days if it stood it was sure of doing duty). +I closed up to her whispering love, and frigging her, she gradually +getting besides herself with pleasure. At length up went my prick into +her, and after a quarter of an hour's lamming, finished. + +Meeting her husband in the lane might have caused suspicion, so into the +field I went, intending to wait till he passed, laid down, fell asleep, +awaking when it was broad daylight. I then waited two hours, walked +round to the Hall, waited in the front till the door was opened, then +went up to my room, and to bed. The servant saw me go in, and I imagine +thought I had been out in the grounds without her knowing it,--certainly +it never was known that I had been out all night. + +I went to bed to rumple it, then down to breakfast, all the time +thinking of some lie as an excuse for being out all night. "You were +tired, and went to bed early I expect," said aunt. "Yes," said I. My +limbs were aching from exposure to night-air, as I spoke. + +Three days had made a great change in me. My prolonged abstinence from +women, and now my recovery, my taking more to animal food, wine, and +my usual mode of living, the quiet life I was leading, all my physical +forces at their highest. My cock stood from morning till night, not a +woman passed me, young or old, without my desiring them. I thought of +nothing else, and to this perhaps is due the variety of poking I got. +Luck usually falls to those who look out for it. + +I have said there was a shrubbery round the grounds connecting with that +from the Hall to the farm; quite on the other side of the Hall were the +stables, and the gardener's house. None of the stablemen or gardeners +were on the farm-side. The servants of the Hall slipped down to the +farm to gossip, but it was not allowed. The only person who regularly +traversed the shrubbery was Mrs. Pender, who twice a day took milk, and +dairy produce to the Hall. + +Half-way down this shrubbery-path was a path connecting with that which +went quite round the grounds. Cunningly contrived, and leading out of +it was one to a large privy, usual in such grounds as my aunt's. A large +octagonal house covered with ivy, with a door and two glass windows, a +house devoted to shitting, but large enough to hold a dozen people. + +One or two days after I had had Whiteteeth and Pender, I dodged about +after the latter, but there were people about. I went off to the +hay-making, but there were only men carting hay; so I went sniffing +about the servants in the house, but nothing came of that. In the +afternoon I went to the farm-yard, and prowled about to find some +chance, and place to get Pender, and went up into the big loft in the +barn over the cart-shed. Why I went up there I don't know, and had not +been there a minute before I heard a scuffle, and a kiss. "I shant, +now--you saucy boy," said a female voice. Another kiss, and a scuffle. +"I must go to the house," said the female. I peeped: it was a nursemaid, +and my aunt's page. The girl ran off, leaving the page. They did not see +me. + +My aunt's male in-door servants consisted but of a middle-aged butler +who had been in her service many years, a slow, solemn man, a widower, +and a page taken on when small, who had recently grown rapidly, and was +a heavy, stupid, gawky lad, between fifteen and sixteen years old, too +big for his place. My aunt, although always intending to dismiss him, +kept him on out of kindness, but at length had said, "Page must go, I +shall not give him a new suit, it will be waste of money." He looked +stupid as an owl, and as if an idea about cunt would never have entered +his mind. + +This boy stood still reflecting, then unbuttoned his trowsers, pulled +out a stiff, big prick, and after pulling the prepuce down once or +twice, buttoned it up again; stood still, again unbuttoned, sat down +on some straw, reflected, and then frigged himself. After wiping his +fingers on the straw he went off, leaving me wondering at his lust, the +size of his doodle, and the quantity of spunk he shot. "That lumpish boy +to do that!" forgetting what I did, when only a little older than him. + +"Hullo! what are you doing here?" said a voice.--it was Pender's. He +made no reply. "You'd better be off to the Hall, you've no business +here." "I was fetching the nurse-maid." "Well she's no business here; +you cut, they will be ringing for you." When the voices ceased I +descended, and went to the Hall. + +The head farm-man had recently died, he, his wife and daughter, had +lived in the cottage in the farmyard. Pender's husband had taken his +place, but still lived in his cottage in the lane. The woman whose +husband had died attended to things in general, the daughter assisted +in the dairy, and worked very often up at the Hall. A pretty girl of a +common, rustic style of beauty, and about sixteen years old; she used to +curtsy to me when she met me, but I had never cast my eyes at her. As I +skulked out through the rick-yard into the shrubbery-walk leading to the +Hall I met her, stopped, and had a chat, a joke, and finished by a kiss, +which she took in very bad part, and wiped away with her hand, as if I +was quite disgusting. She was an only child, her name Molly. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + Joey and nursemaid.--The privy in the laurel-walk.--Scared.-- + Whiteteeth in the ditch.--The nursemaid's bed-room.--Robert + amusing her.--A lost virginity.--Aunt and Joey.--Nearly + caught.--Amatory instructions to nursemaid. + +Lusting worse after the kiss, I went to the house. My cousins were +out, my aunt taking her afternoon's nap. I rang my bed-room bell for +something, simply to get a woman near me, in the shape of a housemaid +who was as ugly as sin. I pulled out my cock when she left, and thought +of imitating the page, but did not; from my window saw the nursemaid was +out with the child, and strolled out to meet her. I must mention that +the child (about four years old), was a married cousin's child who had +gone to India with her husband; leaving the infant in charge of her +mother, my aunt. + +Nursemaid was a dry, plainish little woman whom I had scarcely noticed +until the previous three days. I talked to the infant, and played with +him, asked her if she would like a child, if she would let me be the +father, and got a chaffing reply. Suddenly it struck me from the scuffle +I had heard in the barn, that she and the page were very intimate, and +said as a random shot, "You would not mind Robert cuddling you, would +you now?" She coloured up, looked confused, then said, as if she did +not recollect, "Robert?--who is Robert?" "Fat Robert the page." "Pough." +said she, "that big boy!" She took up the child, and walked off,--not to +the house, but a long way away from it. After a time I followed her; +she entered a grotto, or very large summer-house which formed part of +an artificial ruin in the grounds, and which was the scene of an amusing +adventure with this very child some years later on in my life. There she +sat down. + +I saw what a good blind the child was, so went into the grotto to talk +to him. He was sitting in her lap. In a minute said he, "I want to +pee-wee." "Hush!" said she, "I will take you for a walk." "I will +pee-wee," said he, scuffling down from her lap, running outside the +summer-house; turning round, lifting his petticoats, and pissing in +front of us. + +"You naughty boy," said she. "What a little cock he has," said I. She +snatched up the child, went towards the house, and there was an end for +the time of my talk with her. + +I dodged from hay-field to farm-yard, thence to the house, saw Pender, +saw the young wench (Molly) I have named, looked out for Whiteteeth; +it was all no go. I had dinner, then strolled down to the village, saw +Whiteteeth outside the public with her husband. Back to the house, +saw nursemaid, said in a whisper. "I shall come and sleep with you +to-night." "That you won't," said she, "Master Joe always sleeps in +my room." Randy and weary I went to bed, after nearly spending in my +trowsers as I looked at my cousins' white necks in the drawing-room, and +thought to myself, "I will go to ------ (the market-town a few miles off +to which I have before alluded), and have a woman to-morrow." During +the hot night thought of cunt, cunt, cunt, would not frig myself, slept. +Awakened again with a stiff one, frigged, and then got repose. + +The next morning I increased my acquaintance with the young wench Molly, +chaffed the nursemaid, and besought her to let me sleep with her. Again +went to the hay-field, but hay-making was finished, the weather dull, +and further hay-making postponed till finer weather. + +Keeping a sharp eye on page Robert, I soon saw he was spooning +nursemaid; detected him kissing her, and putting his hand on her belly +outside her clothes. She seeing me, gave him a violent slap on the head; +when I chaffed her, turned up her nose again and said, "A boy like that +indeed; I beg you won't talk like that to me sir." + +She slept in a room which was properly entered from the servant's +corridor, which connected with the best part of the house through +folding doors. But a door had been made in the room from best part of +the house, so that my aunt, who had had a large family could more easily +see how the children when there, were being looked after. This door was +just by a lobby which led to the W.C; any one going there might seem to +be either going towards the W.C, or towards the servants' staircase, the +nursemaid's room therefore could be entered from either door, and on two +sides. + +By the door on the servants' side was a house-maid's W.C and the +servants' staircase which led also to the attics, where some slept, and +to a lobby with rooms mostly used for lumber, and where the page had +been put to sleep, away from females, or anyone else. The butler +slept in a little room adjoining the pantry and plate-room, on the +ground-floor. + +Several days passed, I did not get a gay woman, but hunted incessantly +in hopes of getting Pender, or Whiteteeth, or the nursemaid. Young Molly +I did not much think of; she seemed too young, so chaste, so looked +after, that I had no expectation, but do not recollect what my views +about her exactly were. Then I did not care about young ones. A +full-grown woman, large-arsed, with a full-sized and fully-haired cunt +was my greatest delight; above all I liked room inside it for my cock to +swell out, a tight cunt had no delights to me. + +After a few days my luck came as it mostly has. I went again with my +aunt to the dairy. Whilst she was talking to Pender a notion occurred to +me. I did not go into breakfast, but waited in the turning leading out +of the shrubbery between the Hall and farmyard; and hiding, saw Pender +take up the milk; a few minutes later heard her returning, and stepped +out. I had made up my mind to have her in the privy; have had women in +similar places before and since, and daresay that other men have. + +She gave a start. "Come here." "No." But I clutched her. "Oh! now +pray,--if anyone comes?" "But there won't you know that,--come this +way," and I pulled her out of the main-walk. "Oh! don't, there's a +dear gentleman,--hush! perhaps some one is near." "Why they are all at +breakfast." "I don't know where my husband is." + +I had edged her down the path, and pushed her into the large privy. +Pender was randy, that I see now. A woman in fear yields reluctantly, +but she yields when she wants a man. + +I locked the door and pressed her up against the wall. "Oh! I am so +frightened," said she, "later on I'll let you,--oh! if we should be +found." She was in a funk, but what can any woman do, who feels a man's +warm prick outside her belly, and his hands fumbling at her clitoris? +the sensuous touch goes through her like lightning. Soon we were both +spending. + +My head was on her shoulder, my prick oozing its last drop of sperm, +when she clutched me violently with a stare of terror in her face, it +scared me. "It is he, it's he!" she said in a screaming whisper, "oh! +my God!" Tramp,--tramp, went a heavy male step in the shrubbery. "Oh! my +God, I know his step!" + +My prick flopped down, her petticoats dropped, but we stood close +against the wall breathless. Tramp,--tramp, nearer, nearer it came, it +passed the door, and died away in the distance. As he passed I peeped +through the little red curtains over the window, and saw it was her +husband's cap. + +She sat down on the privy-seat, and buried her face in her hands. "My +God," said she, "What would have happened, if he had found me here? But +what does he do up this path? he has no business here," she added. + +After a few seconds I went off in one direction, she as she told me, +to her cottage, where she found her husband, and they had breakfast +together; the good man not suspecting, that his wife's cunt was full of +sperm. Such are the chances of me. + +I went into breakfast. My aunt was annoyed at my being so late. A female +cousin,--a pretty girl,--whom it was wished I should marry, poured out +my tea. I thought, "Ah! my dear girl, if you knew where my prick has +been a few minutes ago, it would astonish you." + +I went through the farm-yard a little before midday into the lane, and +passed Pender without speaking. I met Whiteteeth carrying a mug and +other things in a basket in the lane. She smiled, I followed to the +memorable gate, then stopped. "Come into the field," said I. "I can't, +I'm taking my good man his dinner, some of the women may come this way." +"I owe you five shillings, I'll make it ten shilling,--come." "I don't +want your money." "Come for love then." "We must be quick," said she +following me, and cautiously she looked round. We passed through the +gates to the place where we had laid down before; now in broad day it +seemed dangerously near the lane. There was a sinking in the surface +a little further on where cows had trodden the ground down to get to a +ditch; there she put down her dinner-basket. Throwing up her petticoats, +I saw her cunt was dark-haired. We fucked rapidly, no fumbling, +stink-fingering, or frigging. I gave her ten shillings. "Give it me in +silver," said she, "if I change it in the village it will be known." I +took it back, gave her all the silver I had, owing her some. She said +she would meet me again in the evening, unless her husband was working +in the same field with her; he was mowing then. + +I had luncheon, and a cock-stand again, walked round the grounds, and +saw the nursemaid with the child. A cunning little bitch she was,--I did +not see that plainly then,--she was rolling on the lawn playing with +the child, her clothes went up to her knees; it was carelessness, she +believing herself alone with the boy. She had a thin pair of limbs in +nice boots. I peeped out from the shrubs, expecting to see higher, but +did not. The little boy again wanted to piddle, she pulled out his cock, +and held it. Whilst so interestingly engaged I advanced, she put his +clothes down. I walked by her side. "You like holding that?" said I. She +turned away. "Let me sleep with you." "This is my bedfellow," said she +laughing, and went towards the house, I in the opposite direction of +course. + +I waited in the lane in the evening. Whiteteeth came along with others, +eyeing me with a smile, and there was no opportunity. It was lightish. +I thought to get Pender in the privy again next morning. It was not +probable that her husband would pass that way again at that time. I +went to bed. In the middle of the night was obliged to go to the +water-closet, and sitting there thought of the housemaid, recollected +that my aunt had said she would have Joey, who was not well, sleep with +her that night. "Why, she will be alone that nursemaid, she is a randy +one," I thought; but was by no means sure I should succeed, having +known others who would go a long way, but stop short at fucking. If she +resisted and there was a row, I should be obliged to leave my aunt's. +All this ran through my mind whilst sitting on the water-closet. +Water-closets had not long been known, they were quite proud of having +them in my aunt's house. + +My cock rose up, as the girl's neat thin legs came before my eyes. Cock +stiffer I went towards my bedroom, passed her door, heard her moving +inside, and that settled me. Going to my room I put in the candle, and +in my dressing-gown went softly back, turned the handle, and pushed her +door. It opened, and a sight met my astonished eyes. + +She was lying on the bed, leaning on her elbow, in her chemise which +was just above her knees, her legs partly up and open, her back turned +partially from me as I entered. By the bed-side stood page Robert with +his breeches opened, she was frigging, or feeling his great cock as +she lay; the page's hand was between her knees, either on her cunt, or +trying to get at it. They were in the enjoyment of mutual investigation. +Whether it was going further I can't say. I believe she was frigging +him, although she always denied that afterwards. + +I had fairly entered the room before they (so engrossed were they +with their pleasures) saw me; when with a shriek of, "Oh! my God I am +ruined!--go (turning to the page), go out sir, or I will scream (to +me), what's he here for?--what do you here sir?" Without a word the page +turned and bolted, pulling up his trowsers which fell down to his +arse as he shuffled out of the room. She turned on one side without +attempting to hide her legs, or breast, and hid her face crying, "Oh! +what shall I do?--what shall I do?--go sir go,--I don't know what he did +here," and other excited, incoherent phrases. + +I do not recollect saying a word, but bolted the door by which the page +had gone out, then that by which I had entered; the bolts of that had +been shot, only they had not quite closed the door before locking. "Be +quiet, don't be a fool, I'll fuck you,--let's be comfortable," said I. + +She refused. "Robert has fucked you." "No he ain't." "You were frigging +him." "No I wasn't,--oh! I don't know what you mean, or what you are +saying." In her fear, and agitation she had been betrayed into answering +my assertions. "Oh! dear,--oh! dear!--but you won't tell, will you +sir?--it will be worse for you if you do," said she with a sort of +threat, and altering her tone. + +"I won't tell if you let me,--don't be a fool,--I will have you. If +there is a row I will say I found you with Robert, and you and he will +go out neck and crop. If they think badly of me I don't care; I shall +leave, and in a few months they will overlook it; but you will have no +character: you have been seen in the cart-shed with Robert." She started +at that. "It's a story," said she, "who saw me?" and then she began to +cry. + +I pulled up my night-shirt, threw myself besides her, and pulled up +her night-gown. My hand in an instant was on her cunt, her thin thighs +closed to prevent me, but she was silent. "I will have you," said I +laying on her, and forcing open her knees with mine. Her resistance grew +less. "I can't help myself", said she, "you are a blackguard, all the +women say you are,---don't,--oh! don't hurt me." "Nonsense, you have had +a prick up it before." "No man has ever touched me." "Let me feel then." +Her thighs slightly opened, I put a finger on it. "You have a very +little cunt." "Don't be rough," said she. At length my belly met hers, +my hand was round her slender bum, my prick on the slit. I pushed, it +did not enter as I expected, then I felt her cunt roughly, and made her +cry out. "What a small cunt you have," I said, and with a violent lunge +pushed up it. She gave a suppressed gasp. "Oh! you hurt, oho." I pushed +home, fucked and finished triumphantly, for I had had her in spite of +herself. We had spoken in whispers till she split, and then her cry was +sharp, and loud. + +I drew my prick out and myself upon my knees, to see how the cunt +looked. She did not close her legs. By the light of the small candle I +could see she had not much more hair on her cunt than a girl of +sixteen years old. I laid by her side talking to her, then noticing my +night-shirt said, "You are poorly." "Nothing of the sort." To put my +fingers up to verify that, and look at them was the work of a moment. +"Then I have made you bleed." "You have hurt me very much, you brute." + +I did not like the girl nor her manner, didn't feel kind as I always +do towards a woman I have had. "You little devil, to hear you talk one +would think you had never had a man before." "Think what you like, but I +never have,--go away now." + +Her tight cunt, her freedom in permitting me to feel it, her sulky +submission to all I wanted astonished me. I fucked her again, and found +her cunt very tight still. + +She was taciturn, and when I said, "I had better go." "Go," she replied, +"I suppose we shall be kicked out,--what will Robert say?" We agreed +that she was to tell Robert, that unless he held his tongue he would +be kicked out without a character; that I was to tell him, that hearing +conversation I had opened the door; that out of consideration for the +poor girl would not tell my aunt; but that I should notice him, and if +I found him misbehaving himself, would tell my aunt that he was not a +proper person to be in the house. Then I went to my bed-room. + +I slept but a short time, awakened with a cock-stand, and slipping on +my dressing-gown sneaked without slippers to her room again; knocked +gently, heard a sleepy voice say, "Yes ma'am," and the door was opened. +Spite of her opposition I got into bed with her, another fuck, she +spent, and we both fell asleep. + +A violent push awakened me. A knock at the door. "My God it's Missus." +We were in the dark. Pulling my dressing-gown off the chair I slipped +with it under the bed, forgetting the door thru which I might have +escaped. "Let her in," I whispered. Trembling she opened it. It was +my aunt. "Here," said she, "take Master Joey, he has kept me awake all +night." The nursemaid put him into the bed, my aunt standing by the +side, her feet actually against my slippers. "What did you lock this +door for?" said she, "have I not told you always tor keep this door +unlocked?" "I felt frightened," said the girl. Away my aunt went, the +girl sunk on the chair. There was now a light. In a whisper from under +the bed I said, "Play with the child." She got into bed, took the boy in +her arms, cuddled and talked to him, whilst I slipped out and regained +my room. It was not day-light. + +I had had three women the same day, had washed after neither, their +lubrications had mixed with mine on my prick-stem and balls. A day +or two following I had a stock of crabs; were they Pender's, or +White-teeth's, or nursemaid's, or did I breed them? I had all three +women afterwards, and never got the crabs again whilst at my aunt's. At +the market-town I got a remedy, and was soon cured, but had to leave off +fucking for a little while. + +I had had the three women at a cost of five shillings; such luck never +occurred to me before, or since. + +I don't know when I have had such a jolly month's amusement as then +followed, in getting first one, and then another of the women. All three +met my wishes, but there were many difficulties, dodges, manoeuvres to +get either of them. Nursemaid moving about with the child in all sorts +of places, came in for the most cock. She was small-boned, skinny, and +her face had the expression that people have when they have just taken +medicine. Under other circumstances I should never have noticed her, but +the extreme smallness of her cunt was a novelty. I thought at first she +was a regular intriguer, but came to the conclusion that I had had +the first of her; and that until then she had been a masturbatrix, and +frigged her flesh off her bones. Rub her clitoris for a second, her eyes +would open wide and roll with such intense voluptuousness that for a +moment her face looked beautiful. I used to tell her, that she frigged +herself thin. + +I took you may be sure a great fancy to my little cousin Joey, for that +gave me an opportunity of getting near the nurse. She was always out +in the grounds with him in fine weather. I would throw the ball for the +child to run after in the direction of the grotto, then walked round to +see if any gardener was near, and tip her the wink. In we would go, and +either against seat, or up against the wall, or more frequently laying +her with back on the big rustic table, and her legs round my hips, I +poked her. Once she laid the little child on the table, and played +with him there, whilst I threw her clothes up behind, and fucked her +dog-fashion. "Lay hold of his cock," said I as bum-wagging indications +told me she was coming, and she kissed his little cock rapturously till +she spent. The little beggar! I wonder if in later years he recollected +anything he saw. Years afterwards it was my fortune to see him fucking a +servant in that very summer-house. + +Whether the child was old enough, or not to notice what he saw, was a +subject of talk with us. We came to the conclusion, that we were safe. +After luncheon, when my aunt took a nap, and my cousins went out driving +(if I could avoid driving out with them, and what lies I told to do +that), was my most fortunate time; for the servants were lazy after +their dinner, and the garden excepting from gardeners, quite free. + +The summer-house, called the grotto, was a big one, there were wide +seats nearly all round, chairs, and a big table in the middle capable of +dining a dozen people. I was once frigged in it by a young lady, and two +different servants did I fuck in it. These adventures will be told in +their place. There were several summer-houses about the grounds, and I +had the nursemaid in most of them. + +Once only I slept with her the whole night, or rather lay fucking her, +we were frightened to sleep, for fear of being caught. Joey was away. +She told me the page had been showing her his prick for nearly a year; +and she let him come to her room that night just to see what he would +do. "You were frigging him, were you not?" "I was feeling it about." +Then I told her I had seen him frig himself in the barn. "The servants +at the Hall wonder at your being so much at the farm," said she. "How +the devil can they know that?" I thought to myself. It put me on my +guard. + +She swore no man had ever touched her before me. "You forced me, and +made me bleed; I would not have let you, only I feared you would tell +what you had seen, and I should lose my character." She however took +now to fucking, and was insatiable in getting me up her; her little thin +form clung to me in a wonderful way and she loved my penis to push to +the utmost up her tight little cunt. + +"So my Fanny's small?" she asked several times, "tell me about other +women's; are they much larger than mine? I know I have very little hair +on mine." What nice talk we had. + +She had been always nursemaid, had frigged herself as long as she +could recollect, had nursed a girl eight years old who frigged herself +incessantly, she had to slap her, and tie her hands to prevent it. "Now +tell me truly, did you ever frig any boy?" "Never," but she had made +their cocks stiff. She had frigged a girl, and been frigged in return. +So much for nursemaids. She said she was 27. + +The morning after I first had her, I told Robert to come to the garden +directly the breakfast was cleared away. He came. "I heard a noise last +night as I was passing, opened the door, and caught you; I have a good +mind to tell your mistress, but the nursemaid has begged, and prayed +me not; but if I hear you have ever mentioned this, or see you near +her again, I will have you kicked out the next five minutes, and she +too.--Be off." Away he went, without a word. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + Molly and Giles.--A country ale-house.--Pender's history.-- + How her virginity was taken.--White-teeth's ailment.--Molly + in the loft.--Interrupted. Molly tailed. + +I fucked Whiteteeth in the meadow one night again. We selected a field +further off, which led to another bit of luck. She had left me, and I +was stepping quietly, so that if met, no one might suppose we had been +together; when I heard on the other side of a hedge, movements, and the +voices of a male and female. They sat down within a few feet of where I +was. I only heard imperfectly, and tell as well as I could gather what +was said. + +"I can't stay," said she, "mother will be after me,--she don't know I am +out of the yard." A kiss,--many kisses,--a scuffle,--"be quiet,"--then +all was a mumble. Then "I won't,--I won't,--never again,--you shant." +"Hush!" said he, "suppose some one is near." "Do let's feel it,--let's +do it," said the male, "do it once, do it twice, it's all the same once +done." I kept as quiet as death. + +"No" (here something I could not catch),--"no,--it warn't no pleasure to +me,--I've been crying ever since,--you won't marry me after all I dare +say, though I let you do it." "So help me God I will, I'll marry you." +He swore quite loudly. "Hish!" "Mother won't let us, she hates you." The +female whimpered, then was mumbling, kissing, soothing, quietness, +then all of a sudden, "Oh! you're hurting me with your fingers." +"Hish!--hish!--be quiet!" Then I could hear nothing;--then, "No, I'll +be getting in a mess like Bess." Said the man half angrily, "She were a +fool, she needn't a had a child; I knows a mother who can stop any gal +having a child." "Now don't,--oh! it hurts,--no,--oh!--hoe!" The voices +sank; kisses came a slight rustling, and all was quiet. + +Then I heard broken words from both, but in a subdued voice "I'll never +let you no more," said the female, "you go that way." Kiss, kiss, and +the cut off, the female towards the gate I had entered the field by, he +across the fields. She piddled, and waited till he had gone. Dodging +her I moved after her, and saw her enter the farm-yard, but could not +identify her. It must be Molly I was sure, no other female at that time +was likely to enter there. Why Molly has been fucked! + +Next day I asked nursemaid about Molly. "Oh! that's why you go to the +farm so often," said she laughing jealously. "She's a good girl, her +mother looks after her sharp." + +I had most difficulty in getting Pender. She would not go into the privy +again. I fucked her once or so in the barn, but at railroad pace; +both anxious, the fuck barely worth having. "I'll go to mother's next +Sunday," said she. "If P go to the Red Lion on Saturday night, I'll be +outside in the lane." We met in the lane, but I could only get a +feel, and arrange about Sunday. "I'll go to mother's at ------" (the +market-town), "if the day be fine; P. won't come, he don't like mother, +or he'll only come in the evening." + +On Sunday I rode to the town, passing Pender on the road in her Sunday +finery, went to a lane where was an ale-house and bakery below, a baudy +house above, and took a room (Fred told me of the place years before). +Pender went to her mother's, and so soon as people were in church came +to the appointed corner. I kept well ahead of her, entered the house, +and after hesitating at the door in she came after me. + +"How could you be such a fool as to walk about outside like that?" said +I angrily, for I had feared she would not enter. "I was frightened," +she replied, "and oh! I must get back to mother's by dinner-time at one, +when the Publics and the bake-houses open." + +It was a delicious day, and beats in my recollection many others of +fevered enjoyment. Little by little I stropped a tall, fine, stout, +healthy, country woman, a regular spanker; with white flesh, firm, soft +satiny and smelling like new milk. She was bashful without affection, +ashamed to expose her charms, yet proud to do so to me. She was clad in +snow-white coarse linen, neat and clean from her boots to her head. +What enjoyment we had! how we spent! I fucked her three times before +the dinner-hour, my prick or my finger was in her cunt for an hour and a +half. + +At half-past twelve off she went; in less than two hours back she came. +She had said that a friend of hers was ill, and she had promised to sit +with her (a woman cocking is never at loss for a lie). It was raining. +The umbrella helped to hide her, but she was nervous about being seen. I +had dinner at the house, the woman cooked well; the keepers were really +small traders who did not mind their rooms being used for love-making, +and had none of the dirty tricks of a London baudy house keeper. He +fetched me a bottle of good sherry. + +I got as lewd as could be, and to her astonishment turned her face +against the bed, threw up her clothes and had her with my belly +against her rump. I shall never forget the comicality of that fuck, +her protesting against it, and her wonderment at such an attitude. The +novelty upset her. + +I don't recollect much more what I did, but it was an afternoon of baudy +teaching on my part, of confidences on hers; it was the first time we +had a chat together on general matters. Speaking of her husband she +said, "Why you have done it as much almost as he has done since we have +been married." "What in a year?" "Yes, we were married several weeks +afore he did it at all, so I told mother, and that's why he don't like +her." + +She was warmed with wine, we were on the bed cuddling, my fingers at +work on her clitoris, we were enjoying each other's nakedness. I pressed +her to tell me more, and now narrate briefly what I heard of her first +fuck, her grievances and troubles. + +"After I spoke to mother, mother said to him, 'You don't want a wife +much Mr. Pender, I think.' 'Why of course I do, I should not have +married had I not.' 'Well it don't seem like it', said mother. Then +Pender said, 'You mind your own business mother, or you'll make it hot +for your daughter', and with that he went out, and slammed the door. +Mother did not like to say any more, for fear he would ill-treat +me. Soon after he said, 'What have you been saying to your mother?' +'Nothing', I answered. He looked queer, and still he did not do anything +to me for some time.' + +"When I was in bed I used to lay and cry, he'd say, 'What are you crying +about woman?' but I never told. + +"After that one night he took my hand, put it on his thing and said, +'Feel that lass.' Then he felt all round me you know', said Mrs. P. +laughing, 'and he had never done that before,--and with no more ado +he got atop and said, 'Not don't be a fool', and then he did it,--and +that's all," said Mrs. Pender describing her first marital poke,--the +real beginning of her married life,--as she laid side by side by me, +with my prick in her hand. + +I was curious,--a man always is in such matters. "Did it hurt you?--did +he get up you quick?" "I'm sure it was pretty quick, I cried out, and it +hurt. I was all in a tremble; then he said, 'Well you were all right and +tight five minutes ago.' I bled a lot." + +"Perhaps your old sweetheart had done it before?" "He never laid hand on +me, but to kiss me." "Nor any one?" "Oh! yes, they have tried all round +I think," said she laughing, "you have,--so has the squire, and lots of +'em, you can't help that,--if a girl's taken unawares a man can get his +hand on her thighs, but he won't get more; and I always slapped their +heads, and there was an end of it." I recollect certainly her slapping +at mine hard enough. + +Then she relieved her mind. "He's not a bad man,. he don't get drunk, +and we don't quarrel; but I don't care for him, and never did." "Ah! you +lost your young man, and thought you would be fucked by some one." "I +did not think at all about it, but in a sort of spiteful fit, when he +asked me to marry him, I said yes. I didn't think about his not doing it +to me much, till a woman asked me how I liked it, and how often he did +it; but I told her he did it a lot. Then I talked, and found men did it +often to their wives, and he does not do it to me once in three weeks. +So I fretted." "What do you do?" said I. She laughed, I gave her +clitoris a rub. "That's what you do?" "Yes," said she. "Do you often +want fucking?" "Every day," said Mrs. Pender frankly and openly. "Did +you want it the day I had you by the hay-stack?" "I just did." Then she +added that her husband knew she frigged herself, and usually said to her +when she intimated that she should like him up her, "Oh! do it yourself, +if your cunt's so hot, I'm tired." + +She had married a man much more than double her own age, who poked her +once in three weeks; this healthy, well-fed woman of twenty-three who +wanted a nightly roger, and could have spent half-a-dozen times daily +with ease. She now had got me, liked me, was ready to do anything with +me or for me as I found out, and was sorry for it. + +At six o'clock she was obliged to leave. We were both fucked out, and +parted regretting that a month must pass before she could venture to +go to her mother's again. I had left her enough to think about, for I +fucked her in several attitudes. It gave me pleasure to teach her. + +Next day Molly ran in my head, so I fished about to hook her. She had +seemed to me so young, that I had taken but little notice of her; liking +the fat-cunted, biggish-arsed females best. Now I noticed her being so +plump and fresh, and wondered I had never noticed her previously. When +I met her, I looked in her face thinking, "Innocent as you look, your +cunt's been wetted by a man." I longed for her, but she was nearly +always in the farm-yard, either with her mother or Pender, when not +assisting up at the Hall; but when a man hunts a woman he is sure to get +a chance, as will be seen I did. + +Just after I had Pender on the Sunday, an annoying thing occurred to me. +Whiteteeth worked in all parts of the parish, and she just now came to +do something on my aunt's grounds,--weeding I think. Catching her one +day alone I took some liberty. She resisted sullenly, looked up, and +nodding her head said, "You gave me a bad illness." "What!" said I. +"Did you not?" said she. I swore I had not; did she think me such a +blackguard?--would she see my prick? "Then my damned old man's given it +me, and he swears I gave it him," said she. She had a clap. I never had +her afterwards, and was told that lots of men had had her. Fred told me +soon afterwards, that he had, but that she had been quite steady since +her marriage, he believed. I didn't undeceive him. + +When the farm-work was over Molly stood sometimes at the lane-gate. +Loitering about I saw a man named Giles there, who when he saw me +moved off. I laid hold of her once or twice, kissed and made the usual +approaches, at last got a hot fit of lust for her, and felt I would do +anything to get her once. After two women with well-haired cunts I did +nothing but picture to myself that she had a small cunt, and but little +hair on it, like nursemaid's,--and the idea excited me. + +I have already described the barn, step-ladder, and loft; the chickens +sometimes flew up the ladder into the loft. I had seen Pender go up, and +whisk them down. Looking about one afternoon (hay-making was again going +on), no one seemed about, though Pender was in the dairy. I entered the +barn from the brickyard side, just as Molly was going up the ladder, +showing her legs innocently enough. + +"What pretty legs," I cried. The girl scuffled up as hard as she could +to get out of sight, I after her. She was chasing some chickens, and +was as red as a turkey-cock in the face. I caught hold of her, prick +standing, heart beating, and kissed her. She resisted, I put my hand up +her clothes, and in the struggle we both rolled on to a heap of loose +hay; I had felt the flesh of her thighs. "Leave off," said she, "or I'll +call mother." Her mother was then ill in the farm-house. + +"Don't be a fool," said I attempting it again. "Don't you do such +things sir,--I'll call mother,--it's wrong of you" "If you do," said +I brutally, "I'll tell your mother Giles fucked you in the field last +week." + +Never shall I forget the look of the poor girl's face. "Oh!--oh!" said +she breathless, "you didn't,--it's a story, oh! now pray,--oh! it's a +shocking story,--I warn't in the field." "Don't.--oh! it hurts," said +I repeating other words which had been wandering through my brain ever +since I heard them. "I heard you and the man say that." + +She began to cry, putting her head in her hands. "Let me do it, and +I won't tell,--no one will know, and you won't tell Giles, that's +certain." She ceased crying, and fixed her eyes on me wildly, I got my +hand up her clothes, her thighs were closed, she kept pushing me away, +"No,--no,--no." Forgetting where I was, or that anyone might come up the +ladder, I had my prick out, and with a struggle got my hand on her +cunt. "You won't tell, really now?" "Not if you let me." A little more +scuffling, and I had her down. She was quiet, and I was fucking with +all the delight and energy which a fresh woman gives a man, when I heard +"Molly, Molly" shouted out. With a violent start she uncunted me, and I +spent over her motte. "Where are you such a long time Molly?" "There +is a hen up here," said Molly who had started up, "and I think she has +laid, but can't find the egg." And Molly disappeared down the ladder. +"You're wanted up in the Hall," said the voice,--it was Pender's;--their +voices died away. How pleased Pender would have been had she known the +condition of Molly's motte! + +Nothing is so irritating as spending outside a long coveted cunt, when +another thrust or two would have left the sperm up it,--it is maddening. +I could think of nothing but the girl; although I had barely felt, and +had seen nothing of her charms, she seemed to me perfection. For a day +or two I got no chance, so I wrote on a bit of paper, "You will get +into a mess, unless you meet me to-night; I'll be in the barn at eight +o'clock; come in through the wicket,"--or something to that effect. It +was intended to frighten her, for she avoided me. I pushed the note into +her hands at the Hall. + +I walked through the farm-yard, afterwards and saw her, she shook +her head as I passed. I said rapidly,--Pender was in sight,--"You had +better." In the evening I hid myself in the loft, allowed the barndoors +to be closed, and should have had to stay all night there if some one +had not undone one of the wickets; they fastened them outside. + +I had been there a long time, it was dark. "I am in here till to-morrow +morning," I thought, and walked up and down barely restraining +myself from frigging, such was my state of lust. It was possible that +circumstances might prevent her from coming, and I had given up hope, +when the wicket opened, It was she; she came up into the loft; I caught +her in my arms. + +"What do you want?--you ain't a going to tell?--you ain't heard anybody +say anything?" said she. I could not see, but felt her tears, reassured +her, told her I loved her: who would know but us two? "What harm have +I done you?" said the poor girl, "Giles is going to marry me, that's +different,--oh I don't know." I had pushed her on to some hay, +threatening her one minute, coaxing her the next. + +I was feeling her. My hand was roving over a plump little bum and belly, +my finger entered a tight little split on which was a little crisp hair, +my prick followed my finger, and on the new sweet hay, belly to belly, +but not mouth to mouth (she would not kiss), my prick revelled in a cunt +which seemed divine, and was soon drowned in a pond of its own making. + +"Mother's better, and has gone down the lane to Pender's," said she, +"if she comes back she will wonder where I am,--let me go." I would +not, until I had again enjoyed her; and then the lass enjoyed me. She +unclosed the wicket in the rick-yard which let me out. I got across a +field into the lane, went past the farm-gates, and there stood Molly +with her mother. "Good night," said I to the mother, then passing +Pender's cottage, I went round, and up to the Hall. + +I thought that having fucked Molly I should be contented; but the little +cunt, the little hair, the small bum, made me want Molly again. I could +not get her, she evidently did not wish for me; I had had her against +her will, and so had her again afterwards. Perhaps only seemingly +against her will, for though she resisted, and accused me of breaking my +word, she had spent with me, and was to spend again, perhaps in spite of +herself. + +I cannot recollect the name of Molly's swain, though I have tried hard, +so call him Giles,--it is a bumpkin's name. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + Field women.--Fred at home.--Smith, the field foreman.--A + rape of a juvenile.--Funking consequences.--Nelly consents.-- + Fred looks on. + +Strolling into the fields one day, idly smoking my cigar later on in +the year, groups of girls and women were at work. I talked to the +field foreman and looked at the girls, especially the younger ones, and +wondered if they had smaller cunts than Molly; of one whether she had +any hair on her cunt at all. Some were apparently not more than twelve +years of age. I longed to see their cunts, and joked with one or two of +the larger girls; but a decided longing for young cunts had set in on +me. "Pender," said I one day, "what a lot of fast-looking chits there +are in the fields." "They are a bad lot," said she, "there is one gal +there only just fourteen in the family way." I was just going to fuck +Pender, and daresay finished quickly enough, for at that age if I was +fucking, and thought of anything very baudy; with a sudden spasm I spent +right off, even if I had only just got my cock up. Indeed women used to +say to me, "How quick you are; why did you not wait for me?" + +What with Molly, Pender, and nursemaid I was so well kept in cunt, that +I only occasionally went back to London. I had dissipated a large part +of my fortune; fucking here had not then cost me five pounds, so that +besides the novelty and delight of the intrigues and the risks I ran, +it was economical; and things might have gone on so, when back came my +cousin Fred. + +A wide-awake fellow was Fred. When my aunt said how delighted they all +were to see me so steady, and had never seen me enjoy myself so much at +the Hall before, he stared. "He goes often," said aunt, "with me to the +dairy." "Yes and pats the cows," said a cousin. Fred winked at me, and +when we were alone said, "What's your little game Walter, where are you +cunting now old fellow?" "Cunt," said I, "is of no use, my clap's not +gone; but thank God I think it's getting all right again." He was quite +taken in. "You have done the best thing you could," said he "there is +nothing here much to excite you, no woman worth having, is there?" + +We wandered daily over the farm and grounds, smoking and talking; he +had been so much away, that faces were unfamiliar to him. "What a skinny +bitch that is with Joey." said he (that was nursemaid). "That's a fine +woman," said I indicating Pender. "Yes," said he, "I recollect before +she was married trying to grope her, and she nearly knocked me over." "I +would not mind having her." "No chance for you my boy. Ah! has not that +little Molly grown," said he with a laugh, "I have often seen the +little devil's arse, and her cunt too when a child, playing about the +place,--she is nice: I think I'll have a try on her." "Aunt's partial to +her," said I. "Don't care." "She is very young." "Tighter cunt, and more +to teach," replied he,--and I noticed he began to be very sweet to Molly +afterwards. + +One morning we walked into the fields, the foreman came up and saluted +us. He had been on the farm before Fred and I were born. "Well Smith," +said Fred, "still at the old games,--any bastards lately?" "Oi am tow +ould for that now Master." "Perhaps the girls don't like poking now?" +"Oi they do, but they doon't like me as they did." Smith (my cousin +told me), had had the credit all his life of poking all the agricultural +laborers, and had been threatened with dismissal on account of it. "He +might have had a worse berth," said I, "there are half-a-dozen girls in +the field I would not mind sleeping with." "Why don't you have them?" +said Fred. "I don't want to lose my character here." "That be damned, +you can always have a field-girl, nobody cares,--I have had a dozen or +two." + +I turned this over in my mind. We were again in the fields, on the way +there he gave me a long account of how old Sarah used to wink at his +having the field-girls; and indeed I had often heard him tell it. "You +tell him you would like any one, and see what will come of it." There +was a pretty sun-burnt girl about fifteen years of age that had given me +a cock-stand. "That's a pretty girl Smith, I'd give a sovereign to have +her,--is she loose?" "Don't think so yet squire, she be skittish; her +sister's not fourteen, and they say she be in the family way, when one +sister takes to it squire, the others generally do." "Where do you pay +their wages?" I asked. The old fellow leered at me. "Why you be a taken +a leaf out of young squire's book sir (it was Fred's advice); I pays +them next at the root-stores," a shed about a quarter of a mile from +the farm-yard, and in which he had a desk. The women waited outside the +shed, each being called in and paid in succession. They were paid every +night, excepting in hay-making times. + +At pay time I strolled into the shed. One by one he paid. The girl I +wanted came last. He told her he wanted her to take a parcel to +the village. "Yes sir," said she. Off old Smith went to fetch the +parcel,--it was the dodge, Fred told me so afterwards, the old goat +always adopted to get a girl left alone with him. + +Very randy but nervous I went out with Smith, then strolled back into +the shed. The girl had seated herself on some loose straw, she got up +and curtsied. "Sit down my dear," said I, "you may have some time to +wait," and talked to her. "You are very pretty,--you will keep your +sweetheart waiting." Smiling she said. "I ain't got no sweetheart sir." +Another look or two, and my randiness getting the better of me, I began +chaffing suggestively, she sat down besides me, then I talked for +a quarter of an hour warmer and warmer, then kissing, tickling, and +pinching her legs. This did not seem to affect her, she enjoyed it; then +out I pulled my prick, and all changed at once. "Oh!" said she rising up +scared to go. I pulled her back. + +"Let's do it to you." "I won't." "You've been fucked." "I ain't,--I +am only fifteen years old (she did not affect ignorance of my +meaning),--leave me alone." I threw her down, and got my hand up her +clothes. She loudly screamed, and that is all I recollect clearly; I +know that I struggled with her, offered her money, told her I knew her +sister had been fucked, and a lot more. I was so much stronger that +she had no chance, I rolled over her, she screamed, and screamed again +(there was no one nearer than the Hall), I exposed her bum, her thighs, +her cunt, and all she had. I was furious with lust, determined to have +her; at last she was under me, panting, breathless, crying, and saying, +"Now don't,--oh! pray don't," but I lunged fast, furiously, brutally, +and all I heard was, "oh! pray,--pray now,--oh!--oh!--oh! pray," as I +was spending in her holding her tight, kissing her after I had forced +her. Her tears ran down. If I had not committed a rape it looked +uncommonly like one, and began to think so as I lay with my prick up +her. + +I got off her, saw for an instant her legs wide open, cunt and thighs +wet and bloody, she crying, sobbing, rubbing her eyes. I was now in a +complete funk, I had heard field-women so light spoken of, that they +were so accessible, that I expected only to go up a road that had often +been travelled. This resistance and crying upset me, the more so when at +length rising, she said, "I'll tell my sister, and go to the magistrate, +and tell how you have served me out." + +I really had violated her, saw that it would bear that complexion before +a magistrate, so would not let her go, but retained her, coaxed, begged, +and promised her money. I would love her, longed for her again, would +take her from the fields, and every other sort of nonsense a man would +utter under the circumstances. She ceased crying, and stood in sullen +mood as I held her, asking me to let her go. I took out my purse, and +offered her money which she would not take, but eyed wishfully as I kept +chinking the gold in my hand. What a temptation bright sovereigns must +have been to a girl who earned ninepence a day, and often was without +work at all. + +In an hour and a half I suppose, old Smith came back, he had really got +a parcel for her to take. She began to cry, and blurted out that the +gentleman had insulted her. "What, has he kissed you?" "More than +that,--boo hoo." "What has he done?" "Been dirty with me,--and I'll tell +my sister, and go to the justice." + +"Pough child," said Smith, "he arn't done you any harm,--a gent like +him,--don't make a fuss,--make it up,--it's all fair yer know twixt a +young man, and a maid,--daresay yer wanted him to be dirty with you,--a +gent like him, you ought to be proud of sich a one making love to +you,--here, take this parcel, and be off." + +"Take the sovereign (she had refused it before), I'll give you more +another day; it will help to keep you a while,--hold your tongue, and no +one will know," said I. She hesitated, pouted, wriggled her shoulders, +but at last took the sovereign, and took up the parcel, saying she would +tell her sister. Then said the foreman, "None o' that gal, an' I hears +more on that, you won't work here any more, nor anywheres else in this +parish,--I knows the whole lot on you, I knows who got yer sister's +belly up,--she at her age, she ought to be ashamed on her-self, and I +knows summut about you too,--now take care gal." "I've done nothing to +be ashamed on," said the girl, "you're a hard man to the women, they all +say so,--ohe!--ohe!" "Well there," said he dropping his bullying tone, +"the squire won't harm you; I think you be in luck if he loikes you, say +you nought;--that be my advice". The girl muttering went her way. + +I followed her (it was getting dark), was so kind and coaxing, promised +her so many fine things (I'm not sure I didn't say I'd marry her), +that as we neared the village, the little lass let me pull her into a +convenient grassy corner, and fuck her again. She promised she'd say +nothing to anyone about it. + +Next morning I had a fear, and was annoyed with myself. If the girl said +anything it would be all over the parish in the afternoon, and in my +aunt's ears the next day; all that for a dirty little farm-laborer. I +had had none of that sensuous delight which both mentally and physically +is found in getting into a virgin, had never thought of having her as +one, nor did I recollect much cunt resistance to my penetration; but she +certainly was a virgin. In my furious lust, and with my unbendable +stiff prick I must have hit the mark, and burst through it at one or two +cunt-rending shoves. She had given a loud cry in the midst of it, "Oh! +pray now,--oh! pray,"--but I had heeded it not. What excited me was her +youth, her size, and the idea of having a little cunt with but little +hair on it, something smaller than Molly's. In bed, thinking of, and +funking consequences, I longed for a girl still smaller, for one with no +hair on her cunt at all. On further reflection I calmed. She had taken +the money, and let me do it a second time; it was all right, and I rose, +and went to the scene of my exploit. + +The girl was not at work in the fields, and my funk returned. "Smith," +said I, "is Nelly (let's call her Nelly) here?" "No, nor her sisters," +"Sisters?" "Yes there are two; one a woman called ------ very much +older, the other younger than Nelly, and the young un they says be with +kid." + +I went to the farm-yard, there saw Fred talking to Molly, "Ulloh, you +have taken a letch there." "I'll have her," said he. Pender went across +the yard. "I would sooner have her," said I. "Aye, a damned fine woman, +but coarse, smells strong I should say when she sweats, or is randy, and +I like them younger." I was jealous about Molly, and walked away. Fred +joined me, and after dinner, I like a fool told him all about the girl +ravished in the root-shed in the Twelve-Acre field. + +"Was she a virgin?--she is a plump little bitch,--you were in luck,--oh! +never fear there will be no row; the saying down here is, 'They all take +it by the time they have half-an-inch of hair on their cunts.' She will +be rather proud you have fucked her than otherwise. Has she much hair +there?--has she any bubbies?" I told him all I knew, which was but +little, not recollecting even if she had any cunt-wig at all. + +Next day the two sisters were at work again. I told Smith that after his +dinner I wished to speak to the girl. The old cock-bawd told me to wait +at the root-shed; and the girl came there to fetch his handkerchief which +he left purposely. When she saw me how she started. No, she had told no +one, but was not going to let me do what I liked. A kiss. "I don't like +your hand on my legs,--oh! now you said you would not,--take your hand +away." + +My finger was on her cunt, I was feeling what little hair she had, my +finger went up it, oh! how tight it was! "Now darling let me, I won't +let you go till you do,--there, what a dear little belly,--let me kiss +it." "They will wonder why I am gone so long,--my sister will be asking +questions,--do let me go." "No." "Oh!" I had her on the straw. "Be quiet +dear,--my prick's up you,--be quiet,--a--h!--ah!" + +With her cunt well buttered off she ran. I buttoned up. Just then at the +door appeared Fred holding his sides and laughing. "What's up Fred?" "Oh +I--oh!--oh!" "What's the fun?" "Oh!--oh!--I've been looking at you fuck +the little bitch. I saw her go in, and you go to the shed an hour ago, +but did not know you were there then, so thought I would like the young +one; it's five days since I've had a woman, and as I was going in heard +your two voices, listened and looked till you had done the job." + +"It's a damned unhandsome thing," said I in a rage. "You would have +looked at me if you had caught me," said Fred. "You leave the girl +alone, it's my manor." "All right, but I'll have little Molly, I have +given her a kiss." Off he went, leaving me jealous about that one as +well. He was treading on my heels a little too much to please me. + +Four women I had poked now, being like a cock among hens, cared about +neither, but could not bear the idea of Fred going up them, though +I knew it was useless to try to prevent the young squire, the future +master, a fine officer. Pender said to me one day, "The squire means +harm to Molly; it's a shame for an officer like him to harm a poor girl; +I caught him kissing her, and putting his hands up her petticoats. I'll +tell Missus if I see any more of it." "Do," said I, "you tell my aunt." + +So she did, and aunt requested Fred not to go to the farm-yard, and +Molly was all but locked up. In a few days Fred said it was damned slow, +and went to London. I for a change went with him. + +My departure put Pender in tears, she did all she could to get me up +her, and before I left I got Molly into the loft on promising never to +ask her again, and there had my first good look at her belly and cunt, +and fucked her. Nursemaid I advised to avoid the page, or I would never +have anything to do with her more. She grinned and said, "What a loss". +Nelly I caught in the lane, fucked her and she promised to be chaste and +never let any other man put his finger on her. Then I departed with Fred +to virtuous London. + +Before leaving, Mrs. Pender said, "I'm afeard I'm in trouble, my +poorliness ain't come on for two months now." + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + Laura and Fred.--Vauxhall amusements.--A juvenile harlot--A + linen stopper.--The hairless and the hairy.--Ten and forty.-- + A snub.--At my aunt's.--Nursemaid and page missing.-- + Pender with child.--Molly and Giles caught.--Mr. Pender's + letch. + +Theatre every night, heavy lunches, heavy dinners, much wine, and cigars +never out of my mouth, that was the first few days proceedings. Fred +was keeping a woman named Laura of whom I shall say more; she was always +with us. I don't recollect having a woman for a few days, but it may +have been otherwise. On the fifth or sixth night we went to Vauxhall +Gardens to a masquerade. It was a rare lark in those days. A great fun +of mine was getting into a shady walk, tipping the watchman to let me +hide in the shrubs, and crouching down to hear the women piss. I have +heard a couple of hundred do so on one evening, and much of what they +said. Such a mixture of dull and crisp baudiness I never heard in short +sentences elsewhere. Although I had heard a few similar remarks when I +waited in the cellars of the gun-factory, it was nothing like those +at Vauxhall, and it amused me very much. There were one or two darkish +walks where numbers of women on masquerade nights went to piss, and many +on other nights. + +At supper Laura said, "Where have you been the last hour?" I laughed. +"Tell us." "Hiding in the shrubs where ladies go by ones, twos, and +threes without men." Laura understood. "Serves them right, they should +go to the women's closets; but you are dirty." "Well it was such a lark +hearing them piddle and talk." Fred always coarse said he never knew a +woman piss off so quickly as Laura. Laura slapped his head. She had +not been gay, and was very modest in manner and expression; but loved a +baudy joke not told in coarse language. + +The signal sounded for fireworks. Off we ran to get good places. I cared +more about women than fireworks, and lagged behind, seeing the masquers +and half-dressed women running and yelling ( fun was fast and +loose then). I passed a woman leading a little girl dressed like a +ballet-girl, and looked at the girl who seemed about ten years old, then +at the woman, who winked. I stopped, she came up and said, "Is she not +a nice little girl?" I don't recollect having had any distinct intention +at the time I stopped; but at her words ideas came into my head. +She,--what a small cunt,--no hair on that. "Yes a nice little girl," +I replied. "Would you like to see her undressed?" "Can I fuck her?" I +whispered. The little girl kept tugging the woman's hand and saying, +"Oh! do come to the fireworks." "Yes if you like,--what will you give?" +I agreed to give I think three sovereigns, a good round sum for a +common-place poke then. + +She told me to go out of the gardens first, get a cab, and stop at +a little way from the entrance. In three minutes the woman and child +joined me. At about five minutes drive from Vauxhall we stopped, walked +a little way, turned down a street, and after telling me to wait one or +two minutes, she opened the door of a respectable little house with a +latch-key, went in and closed it. A minute afterwards she opened the +door, and treading lightly as she told me, I found myself in a parlour +out of which led a bed-room, both well furnished. Enjoining me to speak +in a low tone I sat down, and contemplated the couple. + +The woman was stout, full-sized, good-looking, dark, certainly forty, +and dressed like a well-to-do tradeswoman. The girl's head was but a few +inches above my waist, and she certainly was not more than ten years, +but for such age as nice and fleshy as could be expected. She had an +anxious look as she stared at me, and I stared at her. The last month's +constant desire to have a cunt absolutely without any hair on it was +to be realized, I was impatient but noticed and remarked, "Why you have +gas!"--a rare thing then in houses. "Beautiful, is it not?" said the +woman, and in a voluptuous and enticing manner began undressing, +until she stood in a fine chemise, a pair of beautiful boots, and silk +stockings. Engrossed with the girl whom I was caressing, I scarcely +had noticed the woman; but as she pulled up her chemise to tighten her +garter, and showed much of a very white thigh, I said, "I've made a +mistake, I did not mean you." "No," said she, "but it's all the same." +She came to me, pinched my cock outside saying "oho" as she found it +stiff, and then undressed the child to her chemise. I had white trowsers +and waistcoat on, and was anxious about rumpling them; At my request she +drew my white trowsers off over my boots with great care; then divesting +myself of coat and waistcoat I stood up with prick spouting. "Look +there,--feel it Mary." The girl not obeying she took her little hand, +and made her feel it. Sitting down I lifted the girl on to my knees, and +put my hand between her little thigh. + +"Give me the three pounds," said the woman. All my life I have willingly +paid women before my pleasure; but thought I was going to be done so +demurred, and asked if she supposed I was not a gentleman, took out my +purse, showed I had plenty of money gave her one sovereign, and promised +the others directly I had the child,--and then pulled off my boots. + +We went into the bed-room, she lighted candles, the gas streamed in +through the open door. "Lay down Mary," said she. "Oh! he ain't going to +do it like the other man,--you said no one should again", said the girl +whimpering. "Be quiet you little fool, he won't hurt you,--open your +legs." Pushing her back, or rather lifting her up, there I saw a +little light-pink slit between a pair of thighs somewhat bigger than a +full-sized man's calves; the little cunt had not a sign of hair on it. +To pull open the lips, to push up my finger, to frig it, smell it, then +lick it was the work of a minute. I was wild, it was realization of the +baudy dreamy longings of the last few weeks. I was scarcely conscious +that the old one had laid hold of my prick, and was fast bringing me to +a crisis. + +Pushing her hand away I placed my prick against the little cunt which +seemed scarcely big enough for my thumb, and with one hand was placing +it under the little bum, when the girl slipped off the bed crying. "Oh! +don't let him,--the other did hurt so,--he shan't put it in." + +"Don't do it to her, she is so young," said the woman in a coaxing tone. +"Why that is what I came for." "Never mind, it hurts _her_, have _me_, I +am a fine woman, look," and she flung herself on the bed, and pulled up +her chemise, disclosing a fine form, and to a randy man much that was +enticing. "Look at my hair, how black it is,--do you like tassels?" said +she, and throwing up her arms out of her chemise, she showed such a mass +of black hair on her arm-pits, as I have rarely seen in other women, and +rarely in an English woman at all. + +"What the devil did you bring me here for,--it was for her, not you, I +hate hair,--I like a cunt without hair." + +"Have me, and look at her cunt whilst you do it,--here Mary," and she +pulled the young one to the bed cunt upwards. But disappointed, lewd, +and savage, I swore till she begged me not to make a noise, and saying, +"Well,--well,--well,--so you shall,--hold your tongue (to the girl), he +won't hurt you,--look his cock is not big." She pulled the girl on to +the edge of the bed again, and brought her cunt up to the proper level +with the bolster and pillows. Then said the woman, "Let me hold your +cock, you must not put it far in, she is so young." I promised I would +only sheath the tip; but she declared I should not unless she held it. +"Wrap your handkerchief round it," said she. I did so, and that +left only half its length uncovered. Impetuously I tore the white +handkerchief into pieces, wrapped round about an inch of the stem of +my prick with it, which then looked as if it was wounded, and bound up; +then hitting the little pink opening I drove up it. I doubted whether I +should enter so small it was. It held my prick like a vise, but up her +cunt I was, the woman promising the child money, to take her to Vauxhall +again, and so on, and then put her hand over her mouth to prevent her +hollowing,--she did not hollow at all really. + +I spent almost instantly, and coming to my senses held her close up to +my prick by her thighs,--there was no difficulty so light a weight was +she. There I stood for a minute or two. "My prick is small now," said I, +"unroll the handkerchief." "No," said the woman. "I will give you ten +shillings extra if you do, my prick can't hurt now." The oddity of a +woman attempting to unroll from a prick a slip of white rag, whilst the +prick was up a cunt; but out came my prick from the little hole before +she could accomplish it. + +Desire had not left me, holding the thighs open I dropped on my knees, +my prick flopping, and saw the little cunt covered with thick sperm. +There lay the girl, there stood the woman, neither speaking nor moving, +till my eyes had had their voluptuous enjoyment. "I will give you +another sovereign now, and then fuck her again." "All right," said the +woman. "But she must not wash." "All right". I gave it, then took the +girl up like a baby, one hand just under the bum, so that the spunk +might fall on my hand if it dropped out, and laid her on the sofa in the +parlour, where the gas flared brightly, opened her thighs wide, gloated, +and talked baudily till my prick stood again. + +Then I lifted her back on to the bed, and rolled the strip of +handkerchief round the stem again; but I longed to hurt her, to make her +cry with the pain my tool caused her, I would have made her bleed if +I could; so wrapped it round in such a manner, that with a tug I could +unroll it. The woman did not seem so anxious now about my hurting her. + +Sperm is a splendid cunt-lubricator, my prick went in easier, but still +she cried out. Now I measured my pleasure. With gentle lingering pushes +I moved up and down in her. Under pretense of feeling my prick, I had +loosened the handkerchief, then tore the rag quite away, and afterwards +lifted her up, and then with her cunt stuck tight and full with my pego, +and both hands round her bum tightly, I walked holding her so into the +sitting-room to a large glass. There seeing my balls hanging down under +her little arse, I shoved and wriggled, holding her like a baby on me, +her hands round my neck, she whining that I was hurting her, the woman +hushing, and praying me to be gentle, till I spent again. I held her +tight to me in front of the glass, her thighs wide apart, my balls +showing under her little buttocks, till my prick again shrunk, and my +sperm ran from her cunt down my balls. Then I un-cunted, and sat down on +a chair. We were both stark naked. + +The girl sat down on a foot-stool, the woman sat in her chemise. I gave +her the remaining money, and to the little one some silver. Although I +had had her twice, I scarcely had looked at her; both fucks must +have been done in ten minutes. Now I longed to see the little cunt +tranquilly. "Let me wash her cunt," said I. "You can," said the old one. +I took the girl into the bed-room, she left a large gobbet of sperm on +the stool, which the old one wiped off. I washed her cunt, threw her +on the bed, and looked at the little quim. It seemed impossible I could +have been up it; but from that day I knew a cunt to be the most elastic +article in the world, and believed the old woman's saying, that a prick +can always go up where a finger can. + +Then after cuddling her, straddling between her legs and feeling my +balls hanging between her thighs by passing my hand round her arse, +I laid her on the bed, took a glance at the little cunt from a slight +distance, and saw the old one in an exciting posture. She had thrown +herself on the bed, and resting her head on one hand was watching me. +Her chemise had slipped from her shoulders showing big white breasts, +and the black thicket of hair in one arm-pit. Her chemise was up to her +waist, one leg was bent up, the fat calf pressed against a fat thigh, +the other extended along the bed, the thighs wide open, the middle +finger of her left hand on her cunt, whose mass of black hair creeping +up her belly and along the line of junction with the thighs could not +be hidden by her hand. She was frigging her clitoris with her +middle-finger, and she smiled invitingly. "Come and do it to me, I do +want it so,--I have not had a poke for a fortnight." + +My love of a fat arse, and a big hairy cunt returned suddenly. I stood +turning my eyes, first to the little hairless orifice, then to the +full-lipped split, then to the little pink cunt, and then back again +to the matured cunt. "Come, do me." "I must go." "Why?" "I came to have +her." "So you have,--now have me,--you can have her again if you like +after." "Can I?" "Yes,--oh! come, I am so randy." "It's late." "Stop +all night." I said I would. Off the bed she got, put a nightgown on the +child, laid her on the sofa, told her to go to sleep, and throwing off +her boots and stockings, got on to the bed again. + +I threw off my socks. "Shall I be naked?" said she. "Yes, it is very +hot." Off went her chemise, and the next instant cuddling up to me, +she was tugging at my prick, kissing me, and using every salacious +stimulant. Though a hot night, naked as we both were we felt a chill, so +covered ourselves with a sheet. + +"How old are you?" said I. "Guess." "More than forty." "I am not +thirty-eight, although I am so stout,--feel how firm my flesh is,--how +my breasts keep up." I threw down the sheet to see her fully. She was +delighted, turned round and round, opened her thighs, pulled open her +cunt, exposed herself with the freedom of a French whore, and by the +time I had seen all my prick was at fever heat, and I fucked her. Our +nakedness was delightful. + +We talked afterwards. She was not the mother, nor the aunt, though the +child called her so; the child was parentless, she had taken charge of +her and prevented her going to the work-house. She was in difficulties, +she must live, the child would be sure to have it done to her some day, +why not make a little money by her? Some one else would, if she did not. +So spoke the fat middle-aged woman. + +I was sleepless. After an hour or two I longed to see them side by side, +that strange contrast in age and size, to try the difference with my +finger as I had with my prick. She brought in the child, sleepy and +peevish, I plunged my prick in the little one, took it out, and put it +into the woman. It was a delight to feel the difference,--the room in +one, the confinement in the other's cunt. + +The aunt annoyed me by putting her hand between our bellies to prevent +my penetrating too far. It was not the stretching, nor the plugging, it +was the boring too deeply which hurt the little one, she said. + +I laid on my back and put the little one's belly upon me; stretching her +little thighs, I felt round them; and guided my prick up her, then the +aunt put her fingers round my prick and squeezed my balls. How funny to +have that little creature on the top of me; how funny to be able to +feel at the same time a big hairy cunt at my side. Such thoughts and +emotions finished me, and after spending in the little one, she again +went to the sofa, then with my arse to the aunt's arse we went to sleep. + +She was the youngest I ever yet have had, or have wished to have. We +laid abed till about mid-day. I fucked as much as I ever did in my life, +and found that a tiny cunt although it might satisfy a letch, could not +give the pleasure that a full developed woman could. Tight as it was, +it had not that peculiar suction, embrace, and grind, that a full-grown +woman's or girl's has. When I was getting drier and drier, the old one +stiffened my prick, and I put it into the child; but oscillate my +arse as I might, I could not get a spend out of me; then in the aunt's +clipping though well stretched cunt, I got my pleasure in no time. A +fuck is barely a fuck if a man's prick is but half up a girl, it wants +engulfing. A very young girl never has the true jerk of her arse, nor +the muscular clip in her cunt; so if a languid prick be put up it, it +will slip out, unless the letch be strong; whereas a flabby, done-for +prick, once in the cunt of a grown women may be resuscitated, and made +to give pleasure to both, if she uses the muscular power which nature +has given her between bum-hole, buttocks, and navel. + +We eat and drank, I paid liberally, and with empty ballocks and a flabby +tool went away. White trowsers and a black tail-coat were then full +evening dress at Vauxhall; but ludicrous in the day. I recollect feeling +ashamed as I walked out in that dress in the sun-shine. She would +not fetch a cab as she was most anxious about noise. She gave me full +instructions where to write and have the girl again. About a fortnight +afterwards I made an appointment, but she did not keep it. I went to +the house and asked for her; a woman opened the door. "Do you know +her?" said she. "Yes." "She is not here, and I don't know where she has +gone,--perhaps you're as bad as she is," and she slammed the door in my +face. A few years passed away before I took a letch for a hairless cunt +again,--and then I was a poor man. + +We went to Vauxhall on an ordinary night, and I showed Fred where I had +heard and seen the girls make water. Laura I got to like, and she to +like me which led to something at a later date. In about three weeks or +more I went back to my aunt's, through an indefinable longing to poke +in a quiet intriguing way, the women I had had there. In London I had +changed my women twice a day, and fucked every nice French women who +walked in Regent Street. + +My mother was again going to see my aunt, and was delighted that I would +go with her. Fred had gone to Paris with Laura, and wanted me to go, but +money was getting short with me, for I had been heavily robbed, and as +ten pounds a day (a large sum then) was the usual cost of Paris to me, I +declined, and to the old Hall went with mother. + +I did not see nursemaid or page. "You have a new nursemaid for Joey," +said I to my aunt. "We dismissed the other, we found her to be an +improper character,--and Robert has gone,--he was too big," said she. +For two or three days I could not get Pender, who looked miserable when +I met her, shook her head, and looked up to the skies. I went with my +mother and aunt to the farm one day, Pender for a second stopped behind, +and said to me in a hurried whisper, "I _am_ in the family way," and +then ran after my aunt. + +Next day I saw her for a second. "Meet me next Sunday at------." "I +must," said she. We had no opportunity of speaking before, for her +husband or some one was always in the way. To make sure I next day +slipped an envelope into her hand, in which was one addressed to myself, +and a scribble asking her to say where I was to meet her. It came back +by post containing in execrable writing the words, "My dear, same time, +and place, if he be out, on Saturday night." I did not comprehend, but +waited outside her cottage that night. She did not show. On Sunday I +went to ------, and long after eleven she appeared. Soon we were in the +room over the beer-shop. + +"I am in the family way, whatever shall I do?" I had thought over this, +and replied, "Well, you have a husband, so it does not matter." "I don't +think he will believe it's his." "He can't say it is not, and will be +proud of it." "That may be true, I did not think of that," said she, and +until I had fucked her I learn't no more. + +I referred to the change in the servants at the Hall. "Oh!" said Pender +eagerly, "there has been a row; do you recollect the nursemaid?--well +they saw her feeling--hoh! hoh!"--she burst out laughing,--"feeling +the page's thing,--hoh! ho! ho!" "Feeling his prick?" "Yes,--ho! ho! +ho!--and Missus turned her and page out the same night,--ho! ho! ho!" +laughed Pender. "She was a dirty hussy." "Why?" "Why a woman like that +to be taking liberties with a boy like that, a hobble-de-hoy; poor Molly +told me that one day when he came here he pulled out his thing before +her." "What, Molly?" said I, thinking the young girl had had manifold +temptations. "Yes, poor thing." "Why poor thing?" "Well I am sorry for +her; I told Missus about the young squire as you told me, and Missus +told her mother to look sharp after her,--and so she did, and found that +she used to get out of a night and meet Giles,--you know Giles?" "No I +don't," said I lying. "He works here sometimes, you must have seen him," +said Pender. "No." "Well he works here, is a likely young chap, but +Molly's mother hates him,--well she watched and watched, till one night +she caught them, and him on top of her in the large barn,--he had got +through the wicket on the far-yard wicket." "How could she do that?" +Pender explained to me what I knew perfectly well. + +"On the top of her?" "Yes they were a doing it.--and she hit him hard on +the head with a stick, and nearly stunned him before they knew she were +there." "Who hit?" "Why her mother, he were nearly insensible." + +"Then Mrs. Brown asked me what to do, and I said he had better marry +her, and she said he should not. So she went to Missus, asked her +advice, and on account of Molly's character to say nothing about finding +Giles taking liberties with her daughter. Missus said Giles at the end +of the week was to be sent off,--and he's gone. Mrs. Brown scarcely lets +Molly out of the house, and when I sees her I laughs to myself. That +a young thing like that has had it done to her. Her mother told me you +know,--I have sworn to tell nobody, but I don't mind telling you." "She +has seen two pricks," said I, "page Robert's and Giles' ". "Yes she +has." + +I wondered whether he had spent when he felt the stick on his head. "I +think he had," said she, "for Mrs. Brown said she found his stuff on her +child's chemise. Every day there is a row between them, Molly says she +will go to service, her mother says she shan't, and that she will turn +out a bunter, and bring her in her age with sorrow to the grave. Poor +thing." + +"Pugh," said I, "why make such a fuss about such a natural action?" +"Well it be natural," said Pender, "but she might have waited, she is +very young." + +In the family way Pender was, and by me,--of that I had no doubt. Pender +thought it was done the first time I had her in the rick-yard. "Did +he not do it about that time?" I asked. Pender hesitated, and on being +pressed to reply at length said, "It's funny, I am always thinking about +it, but it is a fact that he did it that very night; and when you +have done it, he generally do it also that night. I can't account for +it,--can't abear him to do it when you have,--can't abear his doing it +at all now, and he does it more than he used." "You spend with him?" "I +don't,--I hate him then, I hate him altogether since I have known you." + +Now for a bit of experience which I write now, and years after I wrote +this chapter of my narrative. I had a married woman who was fond of me. +She assured me that whenever I had her, it was perfectly certain that +her husband would do it to her that night. She thought that my fucking +acted as a charm to fetch the other man. He neglected her for other +women, and used, although a young vigorous man, to do it but rarely to +her; but whenever my sperm had suffused itself in her cunt, his went +there the same night. "You spend too then?" said I. "I do," said she, +"I think so much of you, so much of the coincidence and go home so +wondering whether he will do it or not, that directly he pulls me about +I think of you, and then fancy it is you doing it to me, not him, and I +spend. I am angry with myself afterwards, but can't help it." + +Pender had said her mother was unwell as an excuse to get to------, so +must be back quickly. She was lying speechless, with eyes closed and my +prick up her, I silently reposing on her, when the clock struck. Up she +jumped, uncunting me, saying, "I must go, I am to fetch the dinner from +the bake-house, then I must get back home, unless P. comes," and rapidly +off she went scarcely dressed, and without washing her cunt. + + + + +CHAPTER X. + + Nelly and Sophy.--The beer-house again.--Sophy's belly.--On + the road.--Against a tree.--At the baudy house with Sophy.-- + Her narrative.--Tom and the three sisters.--Fred on the + scent.--Pender's troubles. + +I had some food at an hotel, then returning on foot saw at the end of +the lane two peasant girls in their Sunday finery. I looked at first +without recognizing them, but as I got close saw one was Nelly, the +girl I had raped. She stopped, I smiled. "You here, why?" "Taking a walk +sir." "Come with me." She hesitated, looked at the other girl. "Never +mind," said I, "bring your friend with you." Two minutes brought us to +the beer-house again. "Stay here," said I. I went to the side entrance +which was up a yard, told the woman who stared when she opened the door +to me to show the girls up the other way. They came through the shop, +and stood curtsying when they came into the little sitting room. + +I wanted Nelly when I saw her, and hence what I did; but was embarrassed +now, for with the other in the room I did not know how to proceed +without compromising her; so sent for some spirits. They sat sheepishly. +I said to Nelly with the view of getting rid of the other, "Perhaps your +friend would like to call for you presently." "She is my sister," said +Nelly. Impulsively I cried, "Your sister?"--"why she is the girl who was +in the family way before she was fourteen." + +"Oo--h!" said Nelly's sister, "what a lie,--what a shame to say such +things of a girl,--who said so?" I was disconcerted. "I heard it, but +can't recollect who." Nelly never spoke, but sat looking at me with her +tongue out on one side, and a funny expression in her eye. "I'll go," +said her sister. "Don't go," said Nelly, "the gent's asked us in, and +will be offended,--won't you sir?" "Yes," I replied. + +The liquor came, I dosed them with it, and a letch for the sister came +over me. "She in family way, that young thing,--is it so?--how I should +like to see her belly." My conversation got warm, then baudy, the girls +got warm, and laughed at my smut. From kissing one, I got to kiss the +other, then to pinch, poke and feel their legs, I spoke about women +being in the family way, made light of it, wished I was so myself, and +so on, and they let out as the liquor worked, and I questioned. + +The younger was a little over fourteen years old, Nelly only eleven +months older. Said I, "A girl can't be in the family way before she +is fourteen." "Oh! yes she can," said Nelly. "How do you know?" She +laughed. I plied the liquor, got the young one on to my knee, and my +hand up her clothes. A yell, a threat to go, "nonsense," from Nelly. +Then I shoved my hand up Nelly's petticoats,--which she permitted +quietly. Then I had a strange whim. + +"Stand close together with your backs to me, and put your hands behind +you, and I will give you something before you go; then each shall ask +the other to guess what I have put in her hand." They did, and expected +money. I pulled out my prick and balls, one girl's hand I guided under +my balls, the other's round my prick. They touched at the same time +and knew what it was, and turning round, "It's his thing," said the +youngest. + +"You knew it was a man's prick," said I. "you have felt one, and one has +been into you,--let's feel your cunt, do,--you are in the family way, I +know you are." + +Then I sat between them, talking outrageous baudi-ness with my prick +out. "Come into the other room," said I, "and let me see if you are in +the family way, and I will give you this (producing a sovereign); if +you are, or are not, you shall have it." She refused, but eyed the +sovereign. Said Nelly, "Well, I wish he would ask me." "So I do, but she +shall come first, you afterwards." The girl asked, "How will you tell?" +"My dear I shall lay you on the bed, throw up your clothes, look at +your belly, and feel your cunt." "I shan't then." "Then you won't get +a sovereign," and I put it bye. "I'll go with you," said Nelly, but +I would not accept her offer. There was a pause, the sister sat +reflecting, her gaiety was gone. + +Soon afterwards I renewed the request. "Let him," said Nelly, "he won't +talk, he don't know people in the village." The girl shook her head +sullenly, Nelly looked at me nodded her head, and put her tongue out. +I did not know what it meant, at last guessed. "Is she?" I asked. Nelly +kept on nodding. "Well Nelly says you are in the family way." The girl +began to cry. "What's the good of crying?" said Nelly, "you can't hide +it long." The girl kept silently crying. I persuaded, Nelly persuaded, +and at last she came into the bed-room. I could feel the poor little +girl's hard belly, lifting her clothes I opened her thighs and looked; +then she resisted, but a little only. I frigged her, kissed her a +little, coaxed her, and then fucked her. She spent freely. It's my luck +to get sisters. + +"Tell me Sophy all about it,--how long since you were got in the family +way?--your sister will wait." + +She counted on her fingers and said, "Four months and about a week." +"Are you sure?" "Yes." "How can you tell?" "I have never been done but +on one day." "Nonsense." "It's true." "Do you mean that once putting it +up you got you in the family way?" "I didn't mean that," said she, "he +were only once with me, but he did it all night, and nearly all the next +day." "A dozen times?" "Don't know, I was so ill, so sleepy." "Who is +the father?" She shook her head. "I can't say,--dare not,--it would +be worse for me if I did." "What are you going to do?" "Go to the +work-house if they won't keep me," said the poor girl crying again. She +was rather watery headed. + +It was an exciting termination to the day. After frigging her till she +was in the seventh heaven, I fucked her again. It was the same bed I had +fucked Pender on. + +"You've been an hour," said Nelly when we went in, "what have you been +doing?" "Nothing but examining." The girl stuck to that also. "Oh! +gammon," said Nelly. + +"You come now," said I. She would not, was sulky, and another hour went +away. It was getting late, I pulled Nelly into an open-legged posture +over mine as I sat on the chair, and lifted her clothes. Her back was +to her sister. I got my cock between her legs, it rubbed her thighs, but +she slipped away, turned sulky, and would not let me fuck her, though I +felt her. They left, and I directly after. + +When clear of the town, and on the road it got dark, I joined them and +learnt where Sophy lived, and could be met. Because Nelly would not let +me I felt a want for her and made baudy requests. She got randy, and +told Sophy to go ahead. Then I got her up against a large tree, and +straddling my legs wide to get into her, found it difficult as she was +short, but was poking her with vigor when we heard footsteps and voices. +"Oh!" said she, "let me go, it's so and so." Although I held her on my +peg, grasping her bum, and hoping to spend before they came up, I being +empty was long about it, so she uncunted me, and slipped away just in +time. It was two or three men she knew, who seeing girls ahead ran after +them, I dodging round the tree as they ran past. They over-took the +girls, I followed at a distance sufficiently near to hear their low +chaff, their attempts to kiss the girls, and the yells of the sluts when +they attempted more. + +When I saw Pender again I heard that her husband had for some reason +gone to ------ on the Sunday she was there with me. He stayed, and took +his wife home. "Did he do you?" said I. She colored up. "It be a fact he +did,--it be most curious. I were hot with running, and fetched the meat +from the bake-house. After dinner he said, 'Well you do look comely, you +do today, where 'as you been?', and he pulled me on his knees, and put +his hands up my clothes,--and in all my life he never had done such a +thing afore in daytime. Says he, 'Lass we'll have a game at mother and +father.' Said I, 'Why P., you must have been drinking,' He pulls me down +on to sister's bed which were in the corner of the room, and I would not +let him. He says, 'Don't make a row, for I means it', and so I let him +do it" + +Such games went on until full Autumn, I was always after one or the +other as fancy led, or opportunity offered; but was obliged to be more +and more cunning, for fear I should be found out. Although I had heavy +fucking at times, yet had good rests between. It was a jolly time, but +mainly with three of the four women now. Nelly got the most of my cock +at first, Sophy very soon after. + +The little one in the family way had taken my fancy. I fucked her in +the lane and fields, but mainly upright, the grass being now damp. One +evening we went to the baudy house. I had pleasure in fucking her, but +she was always crying. "Why do you meet me?" said I. "To get money to +help me if they turn me out." "When?" "When they find I am in the family +way." At last but with difficulty, I got out of her much about her +seducer and give the narrative as near as I can in its order. + +"Yes it is a big man, a fine, tall man, and quite a man, not old, not +young.--Oh! I dare not say who, it would be worse for me (a cry),--you +won't tell Nelly,--how came you to know my sister?--do you do anything +to her?--now do tell me." "Well tell me your history, and perhaps I will +tell you about Nelly." + +"Well he got into bed with me saying, 'It's cold,--and it were,--let's +lay here, it will be no harm, no one will know.' I said I would hollow, +but there was no one in the house--Now I am letting out, and I won't." +She stopped, and would not tell more. + +Persuasion, kisses, promises, and she answered my questions again. "He +cuddled me, he was big and strong, and I could not help it; and then he +pulled up my shimmy, and his shirt was up, and he put his belly close to +mine." "Then his prick was up against your belly?" "I shan't say," said +she with a modest fit, no sham. "Was it?--was it just as my prick now +is?" Her story was exciting me, I pulled her belly up to mine, and my +prick, a right good stiff one was between us. "I suppose it were," said +she, "I don't recollect, all seems in a muddle, he hurt me dreadful, I +screamed, he put something over my mouth, and I don't know no more; but +he was doing it right up, and I were hollowing,--and then I cried." + +"Are you sure you cried out?" "I hollowed I know, but I knowed there +was no one to hear." "Then you were in the house alone?" "Yes." "What +house?" "I shan't say,--Nelly is always asking, and I _won't_ say,--you +won't tell her, will you now sir, what I have told you?" + +"I don't recollect more," she went on, "but he lay on me, oh! a long, +long time." "Not up you?" "Yes oh! a long time." "Did he keep on +fucking?" "He kept on a doing it and stopping,--no he never pulled it +out, at last I fainted or slept I suppose, for when I recollect more he +was out of bed. Then he got into bed, and he did the same I can't say +how many times. When it were day I said, 'Ain't you going to work?' and +he said, 'No. If any one comes they will think I am gone, and if you say +a word if anyone knocks I will murder you.' Then he got up, and showed +me his razor, and said, 'Do you see that?--I bloody well mean it, mind.' +Then he got into bed again, and he did it again." + +"Did you like it?" "I don't know, I was all pain, but I think I must at +last; I was so muddled like and ill I could not move. Then he dressed +and says, says he, 'If ever you tell I'll cut your bloody throat; now +you say you were ill, and stopped at home from work', and he went away +to his work." I guessed she had been raped. + +Another day I had Nelly, and questioned her. She said she wanted to +know, but did not; she guessed, but dared not say. Sophy had said there +would be murder if she told who the father was, but she guessed. She was +only eleven months older than Sophy, who must have been in the family +way just before she was fourteen, had had her courses when thirteen +years old, and was "hankering after the chaps" quite early. "Mother +used to slap her for it." Nelly's courses had only recently come on, she +said. + +Sophy although younger and slighter built, had more hair on her cunt +than Nelly, and gave me the idea of being older. Neither were tall, both +were larger in their thighs, haunches, and bubbies, than town girls of +the same age, as far as I can recollect. + +I can't recollect the order, but only the broader features of this part +of my amorous history. I think that after the Sunday when I had Pender +and Sophy I could not get to Pender, for the farm-yard from morning +to night was full of laborers; so busied myself with Sophy, who two or +three times the same week met me at ------ and what I have narrated was +told me there. It delighted me to hear about her virgin offering, it +made my cock stand. Then I would fuck the little wench, and make her +arse wag like the tail of a duck that had a thwack with a stone, then +would question her again. If she said she should say no more, I used to +remind her of what she had let out on the previous night. What delighted +my sensuous imagination, was the evident fact that the man was big, and +with a big prick, and must have kept it up with her without uncunting +till he had fucked her three times. Her praying him to go, trying to get +from under him his grasping her to him so that she could not move, his +laying quiet on her, then commencing his shoves,--all proved it. He +seems to have began his assault on her about nine o'clock one night, and +never went out of the bed till two o'clock the next afternoon. + +"Has he ever done it since?" "Never, he has never had a chance; he has +tried to catch me coming home, but I always come with some one else; he +has asked me, but I never would." "I dare say you egged him on; had he +never made a baudy sign? Never shown you his prick?" "Both Nelly and +I had seen that," said she, "we looked through the key-hole if we +heard--." Here she stopped short, and nothing would make her go on, she +saw she was on the point of giving the key to the riddle. + +I advised her to get as much money as she could, and then if unkind she +might snap her fingers at them. She had kept all I had given her. I had +a feast with her of rump-steak and onions one night; she eat till she +could eat no longer. I toppled her up with hot spirits and water, and +then tumbled on to the bed with her. She was very communicative, I +frigged her about till with a sigh she said, "Oh! let's do it." + +"Tell me who did it to you then, and I'll give you another sovereign +to keep you through your confinement; feel my prick, and tell me." She +reflected, she was so lewd, I knelt on the bed, my prick standing stiff +in front of her face. "You won't ever tell anybody" said she, "will +you?" I swore I would not. + +Rubbing her eyes she hesitated, then said, "Tom." "Who is Tom?" +"Hester's husband." "Who is Hester?" "My sister,--oh! don't tell, or +he will murder me." I saw the whole story at once. In another minute we +were fucking. Afterwards she told me all. + +There were three sisters, Hester married Tom, a laborer; Sophy +lived with them, Nelly lived with their mother. Tom and Hester had +a two-roomed cottage, in one they slept, in the other, which was +sitting-room and kitchen, was a bed in the corner, where slept Sophy. +The mother was dangerously ill, Hester went to assist Nelly attending +her; so Sophy was alone in the house with big Tom, who took the +opportunity to put his big prick into Sophy's little cunt, get her in +the family way, threaten to murder her if she ever told, to turn +Hester into the streets, and do any other amount of deviltry. Sophy was +frightened of Tom and at first of her sisters knowing about her swelling +belly, till it was found out. All was quite probable. I believed it +implicitly. The size of Tom's prick, and the number of times he had done +her were all described with modesty. I pitied the girl, and resolved to +help her. Tom bore I found a bad character, and Hester no better, had +been confined soon after she was married. The child was dead. All three +sisters now lived with Tom since the mother's death. + +"You knew all about fucking long before he did it to you." "Of course we +did. Nelly and I often talked about it, Hester told us what pleasure it +was; we could hear Tom and Hester doing it. Nelly if sleeping with me +used to listen. They used to hang a cloth before the door,--there were +cracks in it,--if they did not, we could see through if there were +light, and sometimes they forgot. Nelly and I have both seen Tom's cock +that way. Once he showed it to me as it were by accident; he was in the +privy, and he called out to me to bring him a leaf. When I took it him +his cock was out and stiff; he grinned, I looked, he took the leaf, and +ran a hole in it with his finger, and put his cock through the hole, +then he said, 'If you tell Hester that, she will turn you out.' So I +never told, but I told Nelly. He did the same to Nelly one day, but we +held our tongues." + +That is all I have to say about Sophy here. I had her from time to time +until within three months of her confinement, for simple curiosity. I +had no pleasure in it when her belly got big, but I kept her in money. + +Nelly I also had. She came a saucy, lewd, low-tongued little bitch; but +I liked her fuck. I found her larking with men, and stroked her more +than once in the lanes. One night I caught her by surprise, and saw some +male going off in the dark as I thought. "That was a fellow with you," +said I. "No it was not." But her cunt had a most unusual wetness. I +hesitated, and said that some one I thought had just wetted her. She was +confused, denied it, and whimpered at my suspicion. I again felt her, +and putting my fingers and thumb together was sure it was spunk, and +turned away; but felt so randy, that I turned back after her, wiped her +cunt with my handkerchief, made her piss, and then fucked her up against +a fence. + +As I relinquished my hold of her bum I heard something fall with a +chink. "Oh!" said she, "I have lost some money." It was very dark, I +picked up the money, could not see what it was, but was sure from the +feel it was gold, and said so. She had got it back before I made the +remark, and would not let me feel it again. "You told me you hid the +money I gave you." "I've been carrying it about for fear of its being +found." I told her she was lying. + +I had been out that day with my gun. On returning found Fred had come +down from town, and been there all day; he had had a quarrel with Laura. +I don't know how it struck me, but I asked, and found he had only just +come in and said to myself, "He has fucked Nelly, it was his money she +dropped, it was his sperm." I did not tell him so then. + +The farm-yard now was never empty, they were thrashing in the barn. +Molly was scarcely visible, and if in the yard her mother was at her +back. When I did see her I winked at her and she laughed. She was +growing wonderfully, and my desires turned to her. I had Pender one +night or so; but a few hurried words, a smooth of the buttocks, a +hurried grope with the finger, a silent kiss or two, shove, shove, shove +like a steam-engine, and a pull out of my prick almost before the spunk +was well out, was all I could get. + +I was out shooting most days, and would walk across the farm-yard just +to see if the coast was clear. After several Sundays had passed I got +Pender again at the baudy house. P. took her being in the family way +rather grumpily, and she hated him since she had been with child. She +loved me, begged me to take her away, where, how, she cared not, so long +as she knew that I alone could have her; she would live alone if I only +came to see her once a month, she said. + +I was sorry for this. What had been pastime to me was going to be misery +to her. I had to show her the impossibility of my keeping her; then she +said she would drown herself. Altogether it was not a very comfortable +meeting apart from the fucking, which was as good as usual I dare say, +though I don't recollect much about it. + +Fred went backwards and forwards to London, I did occasionally, but not +on his days, for he was in my way. I did not tell him now much about my +little games, and got most of my women when he was absent. My mother +and sister also went home, and I was glad of that, but it made it +more needful for me to walk and drive out with aunt and cousins. I +was constantly scheming and dodging how to get one or the other of the +women, and that seemed to give zest to the affair; but I think now that +the pleasure I gave the girls when I had them had much to do with it. +Sophy and Nelly now came after me, as much as I went after them. Each +now knew that I fucked the other. "When did you do it to my sister?" was +a frequent question put by both of them to me. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + Out shooting.--A female carter.--A feel in the train.-- + Molly in London.--Giles in town.--Fred on the scene.--Molly + at the Hall.--Copulation in uniform.--A sham illness.--An + afternoon with Molly.--She turns harlot.--Gets clapped.--Her + baby. + +I was in wonderful condition. Early to bed, out-of-door exercise, good +plain living, everything to make me so. I felt as if I could fuck all +day. If one day I had neither of the women, the next day my prick stood +from morning till I got to sleep at night. When standing quietly in the +woods waiting for the driving of the game, I used if alone to pull out +my prick and look at it, and thinking of cunt forgot to fire at the +rabbits. Once I recollect shooting at a rabbit with my prick out of my +trowsers. + +Among the laborers I had seen was a strapping woman with big legs, +withered face, and parchment skin, middle-aged, yet not actually +bad-looking. The old foreman had said to me, "She ha been the biggest +whore in the parish, I bet that there beant a man but what have had she +when she were young. The first chap as had she, were the banker; she say +it herself. I be sworn she likes a bit yet when she can get it." She was +as strong as a horse, if no one were handy, she would groom a horse, was +often driving a farm-cart, and had the reputation of having whored since +she was fifteen years of age. + +Waiting with my gun by a ride one day, my prick throbbing in my +trowsers; I pulled it out, and felt it, laid down my gun, and in the +trembling state of erection I was in had determined to frig myself; +when I heard the wheels of a cart which soon came in sight. I saw it +was driven by this woman who sat on a shaft with her legs dangling, and +showing her big calves. Lust made me indifferent to consequences, had +it been my grandmother I think I should have done the same. There was +a cunt between those legs, that was enough. I forgot her age, position, +the risk I ran of beaters coming, and everything else; I only thought of +how to ease myself. + +I nodded, "Good morning mother, come and help us a bit," and out stood +my cock in front of her. She laughed, and jumped off the cart which +stopped. "Come here." "No," said she standing still and grinning. I +winked and turned to the left out of the ride, she did the same. Without +preliminary, almost without a word, I laid her on some grass drier than +the rest, and had as good a pleasure out of her as I ever had in my +life, or thought so. She went off with her cunt full, I tipped her. In +a few minutes I was banging at the rabbits again. I don't think I was +three minutes about it, and never had her again nor spoke to her, though +I occasionally saw her and winked. + +"I hait heard much of your gun squire," said one of the game-keepers, +"there ought to have been lots o' rabbits pass you in this beat." I said +I had scarcely seen any,--how could I? + +Rainy weather set in, Nelly and Sophy were available but al-fresco, +copulation impossible, and the long tramp or ride to ------ to the baudy +house not to my taste. I had now no excuse for going to the farm, and no +Pender. So one morning I set off for London. Just as the train started +Molly and her mother appeared; she put the girl into a third-class +carriage. At the first station the train stopped at I got into the +carriage with Molly, who opened her eyes wide when she saw me. We were +soon in conversation. Molly was going to an aunt's in London who was to +meet her at the Terminus. You may guess which way my talk ran. I kept +whispering lewd things in her ear. An elderly stern-faced woman got +in at a station, fixed her eyes on us, especially on me, and at length +said, "Do you know that young woman?" Her coolness nearly settled me, +but I said I did, kept on talking, and was delighted when about two or +three stations further on she left with the remark to Molly, "Take care +of yourself my gal, and don't have anything to say to strange men or +women." + +There are tunnels on that line. There were no lights then in third-class +carriages. In one tunnel I kissed her, and on my kiss being returned, +got my fingers on her cunt, and kept them there till approaching light +made me withdraw them. It was a cold foggy day. I sat close to her +wrapped in a travelling-cloak, and partially covered her with it and +with my rug. I got her hand under my cloak and with the pretense of +warming it, gradually introduced my prick into her hand, and there I +kept it a quarter of an hour, she looking in such a fright all round at +the people every now and then, but enjoying the warmth of the feel. Just +before entering London is another tunnel, I had another grope at her +warm quim, and arranged my clothes. + +I got her London address, and entered a cab, determined to follow her, +and see if she was deceiving me. She waited, no one appeared to meet +her, one or two men spoke to her, and as she told me later asked her to +go and have drink. Then I got out. "No one is here," said I. "Come +and have some wine, you can say you waited ever so long should they +come,--there is some error about meeting you." + +How could she refuse? Already had her fingers been playing round my +cock, mine still smelt of her cunt. Telling the cab to wait, and putting +her bag inside it, in three minutes I had her in a baudy house close by +the Terminus (I dare say it's there now), and Molly's little cunt was +again moistened by me. If her mother had known the risks, she never +would have allowed her the journey to London. + +When our heat was cooled by two hours dallying, kissing and fucking, +she got uneasy about being found out. We put our heads together for an +excuse. The address was Paddington, she was to say she waited an hour at +the station, then made a mistake, and went to Islington, and not +finding the street there came to Paddington. The excuse turned out good, +Paddington and Islington looked much alike on the scrawl. + +I have often wondered at the rapid success I had with country women +at that time. With women whom I saw daily, and with whom I had much +opportunity, such as mother's servants, I was a long time getting my +aim; but at that period of my life I was often diffident; even with gay +women, a slight thing would at times make me cease speaking to them. But +here I no sooner attacked than the females fell to me. I attribute it to +the suddenness and impetuosity with which I made at times my advances, +and the boldness with which I proceeded to baudy extremities. When I was +once lanced, I was so strong, so lewd, that I am sure I communicated my +lewdness to them by some subtle magnetism, even before I spoke. Then I +was a London swell, a relative of the lady of the Manor, there was the +pride which women of the humble class have, in being singled out for +notice by a London gent, all these told. But my baudy, rapid assaults, +lustful cunning and an innate power of stirring up voluptuous sensations +in women when once I spoke, got me them more than anything else. When in +the country, I was thinking of nothing else, and had nothing else to +do but to hunt down cunts, and feed myself up for fucking them. When in +London the game was different. + +Molly's aunt was a greengrocer. Molly did not keep her promise to meet +me, so I went to the place, saw her standing in the shop, and beckoned; +she shook her head. I passed and repassed, on foot, then in a cab, till +I thought the whole street would know me. At length she came out and +said, "Aunt won't let me out alone, mother's told her not; I can only +stay five minutes." She wanted a post-office,--could I find her one? I +did close by. She slipped a letter into the box, and begging me not to +come near the shop, went back. I asked her to write me, and arranged to +send my letters to this post-office. I wrote twice, and got no reply. +Angry I wrote that I must see her, and had something to tell her; then +I got a scrawl in reply. She met me, and I took her to a house near her +aunt's. + +Molly did not like me. When I got her into the room, she refused to let +me have her, and begged me to tell her what I had heard. I invented some +nonsense; and she said that was not what I had to say, she was sure. I +recollect sitting and talking with my prick out, and she looked at it +sulkily; but she resisted me. I said, "How is Giles' head?" "What," said +she, "who told you?" "Nobody knows but me," said I. (It was one of the +most blackguardly things I did in my life, and am ashamed of it.) She +shed tears, but no longer refused me. I gave her a sovereign saying, +"That will be useful when you marry." + +I made her meet me again, and then she told me she would go to service. +She went after a good many situations I know. I fucked her whenever +she went out. She was getting hot-arsed, and she liked the poking. One +morning I passed the shop, and saw loitering about in the streets in a +velveteen costume. Giles. She had written to him I was sure. + +I dodged them in a cab, saw her come out, and as fast as they could they +went to a low coffee-shop where there were beds. I daresay my money paid +for their refreshments. + +Going to the street one day, there to my astonishment I saw my cousin +Fred walking about. I was in a cab, and he did not see me. I asked +Molly the next time if she knew if Fred was in town. She said no, seemed +astonished, and I believed her; but I was sure Fred was after her, and +could not imagine how he had found out her address. Laura perhaps took +the starch out of him, for I never saw him in the street again. Molly +now got fond of money. One day I took her to a baudy house near the +Haymarket, feasted her, and fucked her till I was empty, and she full. +Then I went back to the country to see my aunt, and soon again I got +Pender. Said she among other gossip, "That gal Molly Brown will give her +mother trouble, she has been after a situation in London, and her aunt +says has been seen going into a house with a man, Giles has left the +village, her mother believes he is after her, so she has sent for her +back." Sure enough in two or three days there was Molly, looking as +fresh as a daisy, and as modest as a whore at a christening. + +The mother told no one anything except Pender, and Pender told me. Molly +then went to the Hall assisting whilst a servant was ill, and then I saw +her every hour or so. Then Fred came back, and I saw he was making up +to her, and told him of it. He acknowledged it, remarking it was a pity +such a nice young girl should not taste the sugar-stick. "Perhaps she +has," said I. He thought not, there was a country lout she wanted +to marry, and the mother looked after her closely. "I would give a +ten-pound note to have her," he said to me one day. + +Shortly Molly appeared ill and pining; her face lost its bloom, I could +not understand it. The bad weather keeping people at home had given me +no chance of having her; if I saw her alone it was only for a minute, +but I used to pull my prick out and show it to her. I have done it in +the corridor, my aunt walking in front of me. I tried to get her to come +out, but she would not, besides Fred always appeared on the scene. My +delight was to get in the way when I knew there was the best chance of +his seeing her alone. So we baulked each other. + +There was some military inspection not far from us, Fred was going in +his uniform, with my aunt, cousins and self, and all but two servants +were allowed to go. The carriage was at the door when I was taken short, +and being in my bed-room ran to the W.C. As I came out, I saw Fred at +the end of the corridor near the stairs, walking quickly but quietly, +and heard his footsteps descending to the Hall. "What's up?" thought I. +He has been dressed a long time, why on the first-floor now? He passed +his bed-room without going in. A suspicion crossed my mind, and being +close to it, I put my ear to the nursemaid's door (the one with two +doors in which I had had the skinny nursemaid), heard a rustling, and +quickly opening the lobby-door connecting with the servants' stairs, I +saw Molly looking hot, flushed, adjusting her collar and hair, and going +downstairs rapidly, she didn't see me. Instinct told me she had been +fucked by Fred. + +I rushed downstairs, Fred and all were in the carriage, aunt angry at +waiting so long for me. I told her my ailment, said I would ride after +them directly I felt better, so off they drove. The butler and Molly +were in the Hall, they and the cook the only people in the house. I sent +off the butler to the village to get me some medicine, and said to Molly +in a stern way before him, as if I had never seen her, "Are you doing +the housemaid's work young woman?" "Yes sir." "Arrange my room as +quickly as you can, for I am not well, and shall lay down there." "Yes +sir," said she looking so hard at me. "Do the room at once," said +the old butler. Off she went. I saw him go off on his errand, and ran +upstairs to my bed-room. There was Molly. I bolted the door, and pulled +out my prick. Never had Molly resisted me more, she struggled, fought. +What would happen if some one came? She would be ruined. "No one can +come my darling, all are out but cook, and if she misses you she will +think you have ran down to your mothers." But she struggled on, begged, +implored, she would meet me; she would do anything if I would desist +then, she was poorly and could not. It was useless. I had been against +my will chaste for some days. The fascination of the prick overcame her, +she yielded, I threw her at length on the bed, mounted, fucked, and in +half-a-dozen thrusts the job was done. + +I recollect keeping her under me, and with my dawning senses what I +had seen a quarter of an hour before came through my mind. Prick up her, +and leaning on one elbow, I looked at her long; the possibility of +my prick then laying in Fred's spunk mixed with my own, instead of +horrifying; me as it would have done, had I thought about the matter +before in a cool state of mind, sent a delightful tittillation through +me. I grasped her firmly, drove my prick home again, and said looking +her in the face, "Fred has just fucked you." + +"Oh!" said she with such a start that she uncunted me, "oh I what a +wicked story,--let me go." But I was flat on her, she writhed, said I +was insulting her; but my prick drove on, it hit, and went up. "I +am sure he has,--shove, shove,--I saw him--shove--leave the +room--shove--and you came out the other door,--shove, shove, +shove,--lay quiet,--shove, shove, shove." "Oh! let me go." "I +shan't,--shove,--wriggle,--shove,--oh! my love,--ah!--ah.--a! +oh--o!--ah!" Our wet lips met, and the final wriggle settled +our movements, sighs and conversation. She was quiet enough now, +tranquillized by her pleasure. + +"Oh! if some one comes." "I will say you are not here, and no one can +enter. Fred has just fucked you." + +"It's a lie," said she rolling off the bed, and going off quickly with +her cunt full. + +The butler came back with the medicine, I threw it down the closet, and +went down to the dining-room. In an hour or so, I rang for some tea (how +was I to get him out of the way again?). I went to my bedroom, rang; +up came Molly. "Let us do it again." "I won't, you have insulted me." +"Bring me a great can of hot water." Then I rang for all sorts of odd +things, making believe I had a bad attack of colic, showing her my prick +each time, till she let me do it at the edge of the bed. Her cunt had +been well washed. We were quiet, afraid of being overheard, a woman +knows how to avoid being compromised when she has once intrigued,--but +the poor girl was in an agony of fear. + +"I've been into the nursemaid's room," said I, "and there is the mark of +some one having been on the bed-edge." "Well it's not me." She stuck out +that she had been in the room alone. "Why there at all?" She had only +passed through the room to piddle. + +In the afternoon I called the butler, and sent him to the village +again, to get me another mixture. In the dining-room I rang, and Molly +answered. "I am going to ring in my room again," said I, "you come." No +she would not. I went up and rang. + +The cook answered my bell. What a baulk! but I was equal to it,--the +cook had no business to come up, it was Molly's place. "Do you think +that Mrs. Brown or Pender, or some one on the farm has got anything good +for diarrhoea?" "I'll go and see," said she good-naturedly. I knew she +must be gone ten minutes, or a quarter of an hour. + +I followed her downstairs, soon rushed into the kitchen, bolted the +kitchen-garden entrance, laid hold of Molly, whose horror was extreme at +the idea of being caught, and I fucked her in the butler's pantry, where +he slept. With my cock dripping as I pulled it out, I ran up to my room. +She had just had time to unbolt the door before the cook appeared, and +she brought me some medicine from Mrs. Pender, which of course went down +the closet. + +I went to my bed-room, revelling in the intrigue of the day, and +wondering how often Fred had had her, and whether that day was the first +time. Whenever my cock grew stiff I rang for Molly, and showed it to +her. She grew demoralized at the constant sight of the cock, but there +was no time for a fuck; I promised her a new bonnet to get me another +opportunity. In a couple of hours she came, I had a voluptuous caprice, +turned her belly on the bed, her rump towards me, for a fuck from +behind. She objected, "What are you going to do? You can't do anything +like that." "Yes my love, easily." "I don't like my clothes up like +that." Two or three times I had to turn her round before she was quiet, +and then we consummated. Molly was astonished. She had never been tailed +in that attitude before I am sure. + +It was about eleven o'clock when Fred and the others had set forth; they +returned to a late dinner. I had fucked Molly five or six times. Then I +went to bed, my aunt and cousins came up to me, and were so kind. So was +Fred, who told me all about the inspection, and never suspected my game +in the least, nor any one else. The last words I said to Molly that day +were, "Fred has fucked you." Again she swore that he never had. To keep +up the deception and excuse my staying at home, I had eaten scarcely +anything all day, and felt I recollect awfully hungry when a bed. + +The empty pleasure of occasionally showing my doodle to Molly was all I +could get afterwards. Nelly or Sophy--I forget which--I got to the baudy +house at------; whichever of the two it was, came half wet through with +muddy boots and under-linen which so upset me that I did not poke. The +servant who had been ill came back to the Hall, and Molly left. I had +Pender (whose belly was then showing its intentions awfully) up against +the gate opposite her cottage one wet night (but "cock and cunt will +come together"). Said she in the slight interval between our meeting, +fucking, and parting, "If that gal Molly is not in the family way,--her +mother's found it out,--oh! such a row." That accounted for Molly +looking depressed. + +Soon Molly went again to London, and I did the same day, but not in the +third-class carriage. We spoke at the station. "For God's sake go," said +she, "aunt's coming." "I'll write to the post-office," said I, and did. +Then she met me, she got a situation directly, but I tempted the girl. +"Tell your aunt you are wanted a week earlier than you are, and come and +stop with me." The devil was with me, Molly got into a cab with her +box, and was set down at a station; there I got her into another, and we +drove to a small hotel where I had taken a room. She only stayed with me +five days; I took her to theatres and other places, but not out in the +day; fed her up, and fucked her and myself out. The sheets were always +slobbered with spunk and once or twice I made the woman change them. +Molly had become lecherous, and no doubt reckless, and I had the delight +of teaching her baudiness (which is the main pleasure a virgin gives you +over a gay women), but she did not care about me. She was often crying, +but a little friction on her clitoris usually cured that. On the last +day I asked her if she was in the family way? She admitted it, and went +to her situation. "I think it's you who have done it," said she to me. +I told her it must be Giles. + +She stopped a fortnight in her situation, then went no one knew where. +Pender told me when I went back. I was sorry, went to town hoping to +find her, and wrote to the post-office. By some chance--perhaps to get a +letter from Giles--she went there. A week afterwards my landlady said +a young woman had called on me. "A lady?" said I. "Not at all, an +overdressed young woman." It was Molly, who called again. I went to her +poor lodgings, she fenced my questions, said she meant to go back to her +mother's. Pressing her as to how she lived, she said she had the money +I had given her. "But your bonnet, your clothes,--what do you do of a +night?" She could not evade it, Molly had turned whore. I never knew who +had put her up to getting her living by her cunt; but a fellow-servant +had left with her, and had got the next room to hers. + +A woman who takes to whoring takes to lying. I could not learn exactly +how long she had stayed at her situation, or much about her movements. I +stayed with her the night, she let me pull up her clothes, and open her +thighs with a freedom she never had done before; from which I inferred +she had had more than one prick in her split since I had been up her +last; she was voluptuous, and her cunt was unusually juicy. + +I went back to my aunt's sorry, for I seemed to have been largely the +cause of Molly going astray, and did not know then that a gay life is +as happy as that of the wife of a farm-laborer. Restless I went again +to London, saw Molly who looked fearfully wretched, would neither let me +fuck, nor feel her, and then broke out in an agony of tears, saying she +was ill, something was the matter with her. "With your cunt?" "Yes," +said she, "do look." Poor Molly opened her plump thighs, stretched open +her cunt, and gave me every facility. Her quim was in a high state of +inflammation, and it had a discharge. A medical student who saw her said +she had the clap, and gave her medicine. "Oh! do look again, tell me if +I am very bad,--shall I be worse?--oh! I am so sorry I did not keep at +my situation," said she. + +Once in my life since, another girl made me a similar confession, and +those are the only two who confessed to an illness at the time they had +the illness on them. + +I told her she could be cured, but horrified her with the description +of the disease to which she might be subject, took her to a doctor, paid +her lodgings, counselled her to go home, to hold her tongue, and refuse +to tell any one anything, excepting that she had left her situation. She +promised, but was frightened of her mother. + +She said she had never been into the streets since I had left her. I had +a fear of the clap, and did not intend any commerce with her; but lust +overcame me, and we fucked all that night to the damage of the sheets +again. I wrote an anonymous letter to her mother, telling where the +girl could be found. She came up to town and took her back. Molly's cunt +proved to be all right. + +A woman is such a fool that she must tell some one everything. Mrs. +Brown told Pender about the anonymous letter, and Mrs. P. told me; but +I don't think any of them knew the girl had been on the streets. Molly's +belly soon afterwards showed, Mrs. Brown thought better of Giles, he +married her and they went to live a few miles off. She had a child, and +every one thought it was Giles' begetting. I suppose he knew nothing of +the girl's pranks, for luckily a cunt cannot speak. Then Mrs. Brown left +aunt, and Pender and his wife came to live in the farm-yard. + +When it became known that Molly Brown was delivered of a child, my aunt +remarked (Fred told me) that she was not married a bit too soon. "I had +that little devil two or three times," said Fred, "and on the first day +I was in uniform. Do you recollect Walter, the day you were ill?" And +he told me how it came about; but I never told him that I had had her; +I never spoke of having had a woman, if I thought I should injure her, +whatever my desire or vanity might have been. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + + Nelly and Sophy.--Nelly at the Argyle.--In town with Fred.-- + On the sofa with Mabel.--The effect of black stockings.-- + Interference.--In bed.--Mabel's bad habits.--A ladies' + school.--The bathroom.--My cousins naked.--Maria the + curate's wife.--Cunt inspection.--Servants washing.--Flat + fucking. + +I may as well finish about Nelly and Sophy, although the occurrences I +now narrate happened some time afterwards. Nelly got in the family way, +told me I was the father, and told Fred he was, for he had had her. We +both cheeked her, and said that half a dozen might claim the honor. She +and Sophy left the village. Sophy I never heard of or saw again, that I +recollect. Two or three years afterwards, I was at the Argyle Rooms. A +woman looked at me, smiled, and pointed me out to another woman, then +came up smiling and said, "Don't you know me?" It was Nelly, who had +become harlot by profession. I was then a poor man, but slept with her +at Brompton. She had heard I had ruined myself. I had her afterwards +once or twice, but soon gave her up. Harlotry was successful with her, +and I could not pay her price. Though she was a swell woman, she did not +want me to pay at all, but I was proud. She always declared that I had +had the first of her, but could not say I was the father of the child. +Mrs. Pender now had a chance. At night there was often no one in the +farm-yard but her, she could therefore go into the barn when she liked. +Her husband finding the dark nights dull went frequently to the village +Public; then I used to enter the big barn from the rick-yard, she having +left the wicket open, and she had a good bombasting on the straw and +hay. But I grew tired of her big belly, liked a bed and nakedness, and +to see and feel in comfort the cunt I was to bestow my attention on. +Fucking on straw was all very well with a new piece. I could generally +not tell her face from her arse, excepting by feel, for of course we had +no light in the barn; so I grew tired, and gave it up. + +Then Fred and I went to town, he to see Laura, I to get promiscuous +fucking, and other amusements. Laura who was one of the few women of +her class whom I have found to be well educated, had a female friend +stopping with her from her native place Plymouth. Her name was Mabel, +a pretty modest-looking girl. Laura had given out that she had married +Fred, and this girl had been entrusted to keep her company. I tell the +tale as it was told me. I dined with them daily, and in fact all but +lived there. + +One night we went to the theatre, and back to Fred's, had a jolly +supper, and got as merry as sandboys. It was a cold foggy night, I said +I would not go home as it was about three A.M., and would sleep on the +sofa. Our conversation had been pretty warm. Fred remarked that I had +better sleep with Mabel. Laura was surprised at Fred. Mabel laughed, and +baudy insinuations passed without baudy words. Fred said he should go to +bed, and off he went. Laura expected Mabel to go to bed, but she put +it off laughing and joking. Laura got angry, Fred came out in his +night-gown swearing if Laura did not come, he would go out, and get a +woman; and off Laura went. Fred wanted a fuck before he went to sleep. + +Mabel and I sat talking, both heated and randy. It got colder, she got +sleepy, I would not let her go, so she laid on the sofa. I drew a chair +to her side, and both drinking whiskey and water time rolled on. "Oh! I +wish I were Fred," said I. "Why?" "Because he is between Laura's thighs, +belly to belly, how warm, how delicious this cold night." "Oh! for +shame!" "Nonsense my dear, quite natural and proper, we are made to keep +each other warm, and give each other pleasure." "When we're married," +said she. "Married,--pough!--then millions would never taste the +pleasure." My words grew warmer, I kissed, and was kissed, edged myself +on to the sofa, little by little felt my way from her ankles to her +thighs, and behold me smothering her with kisses, with my hand on her +cunt, her hand on my prick. + +A modest woman will let you take liberties much more readily if you kiss +her whilst taking them. Sit at the foot of a girl on a sofa, and try +to force your hand up her clothes, she may resist you; sit close by her +side, bend over her, kiss her, and at the same time your hand may find +its way to her cunt, almost without hindrance. + +So was it now. Mabel was scarcely modest. I recollect the conviction +coming over me that she was no virgin, and if I had doubts before, the +way my finger slipped from her clitoris up the love-pit and plugged it, +confirmed them. She lay with her eyes fixed on me, palpitating gently +with voluptuousness. Her petticoats up to her knees, I saw legs in black +stockings, one in wrinkles, the other half-way bagging down the calf, +and her feet in shabby slippers. + +I had at that time a horror of black stockings, which affected me at +times so much as to deprive me of all desire. Once with a gay woman who +had black stockings I was unable to poke her, spite of her blandishment, +till she put white ones on. As I now saw Mabel's legs a disgust came +over me, desire left me, and my prick began to shrink; I may have been +tired, or had had my sperm drawn too much the night previously; that is +likely enough, I don't recollect; but know I got nervous, a fear lest +she should doubt my manhood, a sense of shame overcame me. I tried to +rally, but in vain, for once that nervousness on me, it vanquished me. +I ceased to probe her quim with my finger, my prick shrunk out of her +hand, and the titillation ceasing, Mabel turned away her eyes, +repulsed my hands, and drew her clothes down, looking at me full. I sat +speechless. + +"Are you ill?" said she. "Yes," said I overjoyed with the suggestion, "a +faintness came over me, and a giddyness,--I shall be better directly." + +She believed it, gave me cold water, and we sat for a time. I looked at +her beautifully white neck, thought how white her bum must be, tried to +get the black stockings out of my head, but could not. It must have been +past four o'clock in the morning when I asked her to lie down again, but +she refused; the spell had been broken, the weakness gone, and she said +she should go to bed. + +"Is your bum as white as your neck?" said I. "Laura says I am the +whitest fleshed women she ever saw, all the girls at school used to say +so." + +In my mind's eye I saw the white bum and thighs, my lust came back at a +rush. "Let me see it," I said, and I laid hold of her. The flood-gates +of my baudi-ness were loosened, and as she afterwards told me, I let fly +a torrent of voluptuous words, enough to have excited the passions +of all the women in London. I had forgotten the stockings. She kept +refusing, denying and evading me. "Hish! hish! Laura will hear you." +Laura did, and came in her night-gown. "I came to see if you had gone to +bed," said she. "You need not have troubled yourself," said Mabel. "As +long as you're here I shall look after you; when you're at home you can +do as you like." "I'm quite old enough to take care of myself." They +quarrelled. Mabel resented her interference. Fred roared out from his +bed-room, "What the devil are you going in there for?" and Laura not +replying, came in in his night-shirt. After an altercation Fred and +Laura went back to bed. + +Then Mabel said she should go to bed, must go up for five minutes, but +would be down again. "To piddle eh?" Taking off my boots I blew out one +candle, took the other, followed her, and opened the door. She was on +the piss-pot. I closed the door, and locked it. Five minutes afterwards +I was on the bed fucking her with her legs in black stockings, and five +minutes afterwards uncunting, the first words I said were, "I loathe +black stockings." + +"I can't bear them myself," said she, "but I am in mourning." People in +mourning wore black stockings then. + +She was anxious for me to go, so that Laura could say nothing positive, +whatever she might think. I would directly I had her again. We got +into the bed together, and I had her, and then again. That is all +I recollect, and that after the fuck we both fell asleep, and were +awakened by a knock at the door. It was late in the morning, and broad +daylight, Laura was knocking. I opened the door. Laura looked at me, and +then at Mabel, and said, "Well the sooner I send you back the better." +There was a somewhat bitter row between them, short but sharp, in which +Mabel gave as good as she got. Laura went away. Mabel turned round and +wept; then we fucked, and went to sleep again. + +This is the only point in my history with Mabel much worth noting, +except that when I knew her from top to bottom, and found she got out of +bed, and washed her cunt after my sperming it, I asked her, "Why did you +not wash the first night?" "Because it's unlucky," said she, and I never +got any more out of her; but she had known the sensation of a prick in +her cunt before mine, that I found out the first night. + +She was a well-arsed, well-made, plump girl about twenty-one years old, +and had a wonderfully white skin. She had been fucked before, but I +believed from all I learnt from her, Laura and Fred, that for two years +a prick had not entered her. A man who had paid his addresses to her had +deceived her, then cleared off, I expect after tailing her. + +I did not profess to keep Mabel after this, but paid for the +second-floor rooms (Fred had taken the upper part of the house, three +bed- and one sitting-room), and my share of the living, and slept with +her almost regularly for a short time, gave her money, dressed her, and +did all a man does who keeps a woman; but I never cared much about her, +and was not constant. + +She like Laura was fairly educated. A few months afterwards she went +back to her native town, and although she wrote to me, I never saw her +again, and had some idea that Lord A.... kept her, why I shall tell +further on. One reason of my being indifferent to her was that she never +properly washed herself. Her beautiful white flesh never seemed to need +it, but I did not like a woman who just smeared her face and neck, and +never below. I told her of it, and she was offended. + +About three weeks after I first had Mabel, Fred and I went to shoot with +some friends at----shire; it was towards the end of November, all the +leaves were well off the trees. + +As said I had female cousins by several aunts, two of them about +seventeen or eighteen years of age were at a finishing-school for young +ladies. It was a large old-fashioned house kept by three ladies of whom +one had been married a year, although then forty years old, to a curate +about sixty-five years old. The sisters unmarried were between fifty and +sixty years old, stern and stiff-rumped. Maris the married one, fat and +forty, with jet-black hair and merry hazel eyes, had been disappointed +in her youth, and when this clergyman, whom she had known all her life, +proposed, she accepted I suppose for companionship, and because it gave +her consideration in the neighbourhood. + +The house was originally a very big old mansion, large enough for two +schools, and had been roughly divided by walls and partitions into two +houses. The smaller was inhabited by Maria and her husband, and the +kitchen-garden was attached to it. All access to the pleasure-grounds +of the other, or school-part of the house, was bricked up. In an +establishment for young ladies, all of a fuckable age, and none without +hair on their cunts, it would never have done to leave male access, not +even to a curate sixty-five years old. The gardeners were elderly men, +they came round by the house to go to the kitchen-garden, which supplied +both houses. Mrs. Maria used to go round to the school daily. + +The air of the neighbourhood was fine, and although not professing to +lodge people, if any of the female relatives of the young ladies at +the school desired it, they could go and stop for a week or two at the +curate's, of course paying for so doing. + +Fred and I had invitations to shooting not far off, just as my aunt went +to stay a week at Mrs. Maria's and to see her girl. Our friends could +accommodate Fred only, and sooner than be separated, and for other +reasons, we wrote to the old curate to know if he could receive us two +men,--and my aunt as well,--which he did. We took up our quarters there. +I had unpacked, and went into Fred's room. "Here is a jolly cupboard," +said he opening the door of one big enough for four people to stand in. +"If a woman were sleeping here, she would always be thinking some one +was hidden in it; it's a jolly place for boxes and clothes." He was +hanging up something, when he stopped and listened. "Damned if there are +not women laughing," said he, "hish!" But he heard nothing more. + +Two or three minutes afterwards he said, "Here Walter," and both +listening heard the voices of women, but very indistinctly. Fred lighted +a candle. Said he, "Here is an old door screwed up, it leads into a +room. What a lark to get it, open, or a hole through it; nothing I so +like as to hear what women say, when they think no one hears them." + +I suggested it was unfair, it might be his sisters' room. "It don't +matter," said he, "it's all in the family." He went to dinner, and then +back to his room. He at once got to the closet, undid his gun-case, and +taking out the gun-screw, tried to loosen the screws of the door, but +could not. Off he went to the village, came back with a screwdriver, +and with some labor opened the door. Then we found ourselves in another +empty place nearly as big, and at the end of it rough boards nailed +across a frame horizontally, and as we supposed covered over on the +other side. It evidently had been a passage, and when they separated the +house, they had screwed up the door into the room of which we did not +yet know the use, leaving the door at the end next Fred's room as it +was, and had fixed up some woodwork across the end of the passage, thus +making the large closet at one end, and the empty space at the other. We +were dusty with our job. + +After breakfast next day, aunt, Fred and I went round to see his sister +and cousin. We saw their bedrooms accompanied by them and aunt. We were +in fact shown over the house. Fred had previously looked well at the +outside, to see how the windows ran. "What is that room which is shut +off?" "Oh!" said his sister, "that is a bath-room; look, such a nice +one." We entered it; it was the room up to which the passage at the back +of the closet led. Fred winked at me, and when we got back he roared. +"Oh! lord, we shall see them naked,--the boards have twisted, there are +cracks next the bath-room,--we'll run a knife between one, and through +the canvas and paper; then we will see through,--oho! ho! we shall see +the girls bathing,--there are two or three damned fine girls." + +Had it been servants, I should have been delighted at a peep; but to rip +a hole to spy on young ladies, and one of those his sister, revolted me. +"Damn it Fred, it's not the thing, one is your own sister." "Pough! you +have seen their cunts." (It was not the two I had seen.) "Ah! those +were children." "Well ------ and ------ are only larger, and have hair +on their cunts, and you need not look." "But if we are found out, we are +disgraced; if it were at an hotel or elsewhere, I would not mind." +"It won't be found out." "They will see the crack in the paper." "They +won't, they will think it split by the boards warping, if they do; +besides there are cracks and some shelves up, I know exactly the place." + +Nothing stopped him, and after boring, prodding, and getting a chair to +stand on to find the right place, he at length made some cracks a few +inches long with a knife, and we saw day light through the bath, towels, +clothes-pegs, and a large cane settee or sofa. I would not look at +first, but so weak is man's nature concerning a woman, that at length I +did, and a thrill of pleasure shot through me as I thought of seeing the +naked girls, and strange enough I recollect a feeling of curiosity about +the figures my two cousin's would cut if they were naked. I thought of +the quims of his sisters some years before, and wondered what difference +between these and those. + +Carefully locking the closet we went out. When we returned Fred peeped +at every opportunity, but saw nothing that day. The next morning Fred +awakened me. "Get up, they are going to bathe, a servant is filling +the baths." It was a cold dark morning. "I shan't." "Don't," and off +he went. In a minute or two however I was by his side. We saw two +young ladies enter, strip, and take their baths; the candle-light was +imperfect, but we saw them rub their bodies dry, and scrub the wet off +their cunts; we saw their hair above and below, and all their little +secrets. They were, we afterwards knew, sisters. + +"I shall burst," said Fred, "how do you feel Walter?" I was maddened by +desire like him at the sight of the fresh, modest, naked girls cleaning +themselves so unsuspectingly; all this in whispers. + +Another girl or two came in, they hurried through the operation as if +they did not like it. "Here is Carry," said Fred. I peeped and in came +my two cousins. "Lord what a lot of hair she has got on her cunt," said +my shameless cousin. "It's a damned ungentlemanly thing Fred." "Well +don't look then," said he. But I did,--I could not help it; my sense of +honor was strong, my lust stronger, and I saw both naked. "Holloa! here +is Mrs. Maria,"--it was. She stripped. A fine round, plump, middle-aged +woman with a mess of black hair between her thighs, that would have +sufficed to stuff a sofa-squab. Fred was smitten. "I'll be damned," said +he, "if I would not sooner have her than all the others." I could not +get his eyes away to let me have a full look, so much was he taken with +her. Indeed when she put one leg on the chair, and rubbed the towel well +round her cunt and arse, showing two big, well-set globes, and round +arms and thighs, the black hair in her arm-pits, the black hair below, +she looked in the feeble light not more than thirty years old, and as +fine an arm-full as a man could desire. "What a pity she has never been +fucked," said Fred, "I'll swear old ------ can't do it to her,--he can +only frig her." + +Only four or five ladies took a morning bath; we saw the same on two or +three mornings. We were shooting all day. Fred then went to shoot with a +friend some miles off, I stopped with my aunt at the Rev.------'s house +till his return, and walked out with them. Fred went away on a Saturday +afternoon, I went to my bed-room, thought I would have a peep into the +next house, and went to Fred's room (he had left me the closet key), and +saw the bath-room quite bright with a large fire. I asked for a fire to +be lighted in Fred's room which was bigger than mine, observing that it +was so much better to write in than mine; then making a great display, +I sat down to write letters, locked the bed-room door, and stationed +myself at the crack in the closet. + +Oh! what an evening! It soon became evident that the whole household +would wash that night. The young ladies came in mostly one at a time, +sometimes in pairs, the mistress came in from time to time. The ladies +came in, in loose gowns, a chemise and slippers, all but undressed. +Everything was quite decorous, the mistress mostly present. Each girl +would deposit her gown and chemise on a chair, turning her rump to the +other, and get into the bath. When they left it, they stepped out, +and came straight to the spot where I could best see them, their cunts +towards me, and began to dry themselves. Servants came in and emptied +the baths. Some used only a foot-bath. All was done so quietly and +demurely that I could scarcely hear a word they said; no girl was +supposed I think to see either the bum or belly of the other. + +Once when the mistress left, a pair of girls were together, and threw +off reserve. One time they got into the bath together, and smacked each +other's bums. The younger girls had come in first in the evening, the +elder ones later. The mistress did not come in with the elder ones. This +pair talked about my cousin and me. They stood in front of the fire; +one tripped across the room, and bolted the door, then each one in +succession put a leg on the chair, and they looked at each other's +cunts. Able to bear it no longer, I frigged myself, and may as well say +at once that having begun so, I went on. From half-past eight till about +ten o'clock did bathing go on. I looking, and frigging myself as often +as my cock stood. I saw in succession nearly all the ladies, and four +female servants. + +Most of the girls who took cold baths in the morning did not come in at +night, my cousins excepted. Every one had hair on her cunt. I knew and +recollected some for years afterwards, and when I saw them walking out, +or in the ground from our bed-room window, and when my cousins came in +to dine with us at the Reverend's house, bringing two of the other young +ladies with them; I recollected the look of their bums and bubbies, the +quantity and colour of the hair on their cunts as well as if it had been +my own prick. I could not converse, my eyes went from one to the other +of the girls as their charms rose up in my mind, my prick throbbing. +Aunt noticed my silence, and joking me asked if I was falling in love. + +It was difficult to hear the conversation; what I did was for the most +part chaste, and about trifles, the only exception was the two girls who +looked at each other's quims, and stood near me, half facing the fire. +It ran something like this: "I wonder if men look at each other's +things." "I dare say they do." "Boys do, Miss Y.... said she saw two of +her brothers rubbing each other's things hard." "Law!" "Yes." "Is it not +funny that the man's things should be put right up ours?" "Lor yes." +"It seems nasty." "I wish you could ask ------ to let us see that book +again." "I have, and she has not got it now." "It was fun." "Yes,"--and +they both laughed. "Make haste, they will wonder why we are so long." +"Ring the bell." "Yes." "Open the bolt." "Hish! here is some one.". + +The servants came in two by two, the mistress came in with the first +pair, and told them to put the fire out, When she had gone, "The old +skinflint," said one servant, and put coals on after saying 'yes' to her +mistress. To me it was always more exciting to see a woman in stockings +and boots, than quite naked. The young ladies had come in undressed from +their rooms; the servants came dressed, bringing candles with them. They +were full-grown women, I felt more pleasure in seeing them gradually +undress and uncover. One, a middle-aged woman, said aloud, "I shall only +wash my feet, it's so cold." She took water out of the big bath, put +it into a hip-bath, pulled off her shoes and stockings, tucked her +petticoats up to her thighs, and washed her feet by the fire. She was +a big-limbed woman, I could not see her cunt. I had seen a dozen that +night, yet because I could not see this one's cunt I seemed to long for +it. The other had stripped, and got into the bath, and I could see her +naked. She was ugly and middle-aged. I would sooner have fucked any +one of the young women than her, and yet I recollect feeling the most +furious baudiness about her, and frigged looking at her. + +Then in came two strong-looking women, but much younger, "Stir the +fire,--don't make a noise, or there will be a row about coals," said +one. "They are all a bed," said the other. Both stripped to their +chemises, one went to the bath. "I shan't wash after cook," said she, +and she let off the water. "The water won't be warm, they have drawn off +so much." "Then I won't wash." she replied. Then one woman stood by the +fire with her back to it, and lifted up her chemise to warm her arse. I +saw it sideways as she stood, boots and stockings on. + +The other came to the fire. "It will take five minutes to run clean +out," said she. Both drew chairs in front of the fire, sat down and +raised their chemises, one edged closer to the other, inclined her head +to the other's thighs, and kissed it, then looked, and placed her hand +on the cunt. I could not see the cunt, her back hid it, for she had +turned her back to me; then the other one's hand crossed and the two +women sat feeling each other. I don't think they said a word, if so I +could not hear it; their heads were from me. They sat for three or four +minutes, kissing and feeling each other. + +"Is the door locked?" said one quite aloud, and getting up went to the +door, and tried it. Then one laid her clothes on the big settee, and +laid down on her back, the other threw up her chemise, kissed, and +perhaps licked her cunt. I only know her head covered the cunt, and then +she mounted her. I thought it must be fun, for although I had once +seen a woman on the top of another, and had heard of such things, I +was incredulous. Now I saw them together like man and woman, sometimes +between each other's thighs, sometimes with legs interlaced, and hands +grasping each other's buttocks, the thighs of one raised up round the +other's limbs, the mouths meeting, the backsides wriggling and twisting +without ceasing. If they laid so one minute, they remained in each +other's embraces nearly half-an-hour, sometimes quiet, then wriggling +again. I heard not a sound, don't recollect hearing kisses, or anything; +but it was difficult to hear, unless they talked loud. + +The light went out, there was a glimmer from the hot fire. Said one +getting off, "Is there no other candle?" "No." "You must get down to the +kitchen for one, we can't go up without light." Off went one, slipping +her gown on first. The other gently stirred the fire, sat down, put her +hand on her cunt, and frigged it. I can't say if she had pleasure, but +her head fell back, and one side her face was then towards me. I saw it +all by the flame of the fire, which she had poked. The other came back +with two bits of candle, and they went away, having put on their gowns, +carrying their other clothes with them, neither having bathed. Then I +went off to my own bed-room, frigged out. The loudness with which the +servants talked, compared with the young ladies, was very noticeable, +though when on the top of each other on the settee at the end of the +room, I could not hear a word. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + + Fred on flat-fucking.--In town with Laura.--Back at the + school.--Pictures for young ladies.--Fred's ankle.--Mrs. + Maria's weakness.--To London alone.--Laura and Mabel.--Three + in a bed.--A risky poke.--Groping for the pot.--Nearly + caught.--Fred joins us. + +When I awakened on Sunday, I thought I had been dreaming, the images +of a dozen and more modest naked women passed through my brain. I could +think of nothing else, waited at the gate to see the young ladies go off +to church, and followed at a distance, walking with Mrs. Maria. I tried +to guess from the backs of the ladies which was which, every now and +then looked at Mrs. Maria, thinking of the hirsute charms of her cunt +and arm-pits. At church in an old-fashioned square pew, I could see many +of the young ladies' faces, and looked at them during the whole service, +thought at times that I mistook one for the other;--but no, although +each had a bonnet on, and was in full dress, I recognized each face, +recollected, bum, bubby, and motte of each. My well-frigged cock stood +from Psalms to Sermon. I went to church in the afternoon, because a few +pious girls liked two services. My cousins, and two other young ladies +dined at the Reverend's, it always was an early dinner, to let him get +to church. In the evening I again went to church, because the servants +went; and sat close to the two women who had played at flat-fucking. The +astonishment of my aunt at my going to church three times was so great, +that although I told her I went because I did not know what to do with +myself, she wrote to my mother about it. + +On Sunday night Fred returned. You may guess we saw on the Monday the +morning bathings. I told him all excepting that his sister had come to +bathe. "Did ------ and ------ come?" (naming her and cousin). "No." He +was satisfied. I told him about the two servants. Why I lied about my +cousins I cannot think, but was half ashamed of looking at all, and it +seemed more sinful to have seen my cousins than any one else. + +Afterwards Fred told me that in India he kept three young girls all +together in a bungalow; had bought them from their parents as virgins at +about twenty shillings each. He was conversant with female life there, +and explained how the women satisfied their leches with each other in +harems, if they could not get men. His girls, he said, did it, and did +it before him. I was amazed and wondered, and half thought him lying. +All my knowledge of women extended to their relations with men, and +although I had seen twice women on the top of each other, and seen one +gamahuche another, I still regarded them as baudy tricks got up for my +amusement; and had never realized the idea of women having leches for +each other, as men have for frigging each other. The latter had indeed +passed away from my mind as a boyish habit, no desire to feel a prick +then entered my mind, I even disliked touching a man. So I heard what +Fred told me, but remained incredulous, and was approaching middle-age +before I realized the fact that frigging another fellows doodle was +agreeable, and that some women find similar pleasures with their own +sex. The flat-cocking of the two if they were at it, which I now don't +doubt, left no agreeable or voluptuous impression on me. + +After breakfast having no shooting, Fred and I went to town to see our +women. Five minutes after our arrival, both were being fucked. We found +sitting with Mabel and Laura, the mistress of Lord A------, and will +call her Lady A.... After we had pumped our sperm out, we all went into +the sitting-room, Lady A.... was there still. Fred asked me what I had +been doing, I asked him the same, there was a general warm talk without +coarse language. Lady A.... told the girls they were lucky, for she had +not seen Lord A.... for a month, and had not had anything done to her +for that length of time. + +Fred then went out, and returned in an hour. Taking me a side he showed +me baudy engravings, which he meant to throw into the garden of the +school, where the young ladies walked daily after breakfast if fine. I +objected that his sister and cousin might find them. He did not care. +"It will make them all so damned randy, that they won't know whether +their arses are at their backs or fronts." This was all through my +telling him what I had heard the two girls in the bathroom say to +each other; and he actually that night got over the wall, into the +pleasure-grounds, and laid the prints in a long building, half shed half +summer-house. From his bed-room window we could see over the wall which +separated the Reverend's garden from the school-garden. I suggested +sending them to a young lady by post. "No, she would keep them to +herself." I must mention that each lady had a separate bedroom; they +were not allowed to go to each other's bed-room, they met only at meals, +or in the class-room, or drawing-room, or when out of doors. No,--the +prints had better be seen by several, they would tell each other, and +thus all see them. The idea of the girls seeing baudy pictures tickled +us immensely. I had then wondered why the school-mistresses made it a +rule that no lady should go into another's bed-room, and once asked my +female cousin. She said she did not know. + +Directly after breakfast we saw the ladies in the garden, pulled down +our blind, and peeped. "There is Carry," said Fred laughing as his +sister showed among them. We saw a group approach the spot, the next +instant all their heads were close together, looking at something. +Every now and then one would stealthily look up towards the house, then +another would, as if they feared being seen. On being joined by two or +three others, they all moved out of sight into the shed, and we saw no +more. + +Fred was delighted, he did nothing but suggest how such and such a one +felt at that moment. "I dare say their cunts are as hot as fire, their +thighs squeeze, their arses wriggle as they walk; they will all frig +themselves to-night." + +Fred soon afterwards said he must go to town by the next train. I would +go too. "I must go to so and so," said he, "so can't be with you much." +I resolved to stay. Going into the house I saw Mrs. Maria dressed, she +was going to town. "I will walk with you," said Fred, "to the station, +we shall go up together." Mrs. Maria went to London to make purchases, +and do all the business for the school. Neither came back till the +latest train; I was sitting smoking with the Reverend when his wife +returned, she looked worn out. Soon afterwards in came Fred, who looked +as if he had been out all night. Said he to Mrs. Maria in a surprised +manner, "Have you only just returned?" "Yes," said she in an innocent +way. "We have both come by the same train then without knowing it," he +replied. + +I don't know what thoughts led to it, but the conviction came over me +that he had seen Maria's thighs closer than he did through the cracks in +the bath-room partition. I noticed his manner next morning, saw him look +at her, and she at him at breakfast, and said to myself, "He has fucked +her." + +Next day we had shooting. At night Fred went to town. Next day Mrs. +Maria went, and came home late, Fred not returning till the following +morning. Mrs. Maria looked so tired that her husband noticed it. "She +has had her belly-full again," I said to myself. As she took her bath +next morning (Fred not with me), she rubbed herself dry, put on her +chemise, and felt her cunt; it was a prolonged feel. I told Fred of +that. His remarks were evidently intended to mislead me. + +We wanted to see the Saturday night bathing, though my aunt wanted to +return home; but as we had shooting on Saturday, she consented to remain +over Sunday. My cousins again dined with us at the Reverend's, and two +of my cousins' special friends. What pleasure I had in looking at them, +knowing the looks of their backs and bellies as well as their faces, +wondering what they thought of the baudy pictures, at the way in which +women continue to look so modest, talk softly, look in a man's face, and +keep a demure demeanor, even if lust be stinging their cunts. It is the +training in hypocrisy, which is so large a part of female education. + +On Friday Fred sprained his leg, on the Saturday it was too stiff to go +out shooting. I did, and returned to dinner. Mrs. Maria had attended to +him, her husband was at church nearly all Saturday, so perhaps she had +rubbed a little higher than his ankle. My aunt spent all the time she +could at the school, or walking out with her daughter and niece. + +Fred's sprain was an excuse for going to his bedroom whither I +accompanied him. In the dusty closet Fred's lameness was better. In +came the young ladies, the younger ones first. It was a pretty sight, a +decently voluptuous one, to see the dainty white-fleshed creatures throw +off their dresses, and stand naked, one by one entering the bath, rub +their flesh dry, and their cunt-wigs free from moisture; to see one with +her bum towards you, rubbing her back vigorously with a towel pulled +straight with both hands, whilst her bum-cheeks, loins, and thighs +quivered with the motion and friction. Another put one leg on a +chair whilst she rubbed her quim dry. Then came the servants. Again I +recollect having my lust more stirred at seeing the fuller grown women +strip, and stand with boots and stockings on; than at seeing the virgin +ladies naked. I can't account for this at all. I write exactly what I +recollect. + +When we saw Fred's sister, he whispered that all his family had a good +deal of hair on their privates. I saw his prick soon afterwards. He +spoke as if he were intimately acquainted with the cunts and pricks +of the whole family. The two young ladies who looked at each other's +privates did not do so again, the flat-fuckers took no pleasure in each +other's arms, they soaped each other's backs, and helped to dry each +other; both rubbed themselves in front of the fire,--a fine couple of +women. "I want to piddle so," said one just as she finished bathing. +"Piddle in the bath," said the other, "there is no one else going into +it." And she did so standing up, then jumped rapidly out, and they both +laughed. + +I have seen before and since through key-holes and peep-holes women and +men wash, but it was with difficulty. Here all was fairly clear. The +crevice admitted enough sight, to distinguish form, face, feature, and +colour of hair and eyes. I thought of it for years, but never told a +man. Oftentimes when fucking, the bathing spectacle came into my mind, +and fetched my sperm out of me in a moment. + +The next morning we jobbed a few more holes between other boards, so as +to make it look as if the shrinking of the wood had cracked the paper in +more than one place, carefully closed the door and dipped the heads of +the screws in vinegar to darken them. The whole looked rusty, and as we +hoped when we had done no one would ever guess the game we had been up +to. We swept up dust from the carpet, and pushed it under the bottom of +the door, and I think our prank never was known. The old house is pulled +down now. + +I went to church again for the pleasure of staring at the ladies, it was +rapture to look at them, and think of their virgin cunts, think they +had seen the baudy prints. My cousin Fred had gone out somewhere, Mrs. +Maria, who usually went to church with her husband, was ill. In the +middle of the service a thought came into my head. Feeling sure that +Fred was after the middle-aged plump lady, I left the church, and went +back, knocked at the door twice before it was opened, and then by Mrs. +Maria. Said she, "I let both servants go out." She told me this without +my asking her anything, her hair seemed a little rough, her manner +excited. I sat down, told her I had felt faint, and had a cholic in +church, and so had come home. "Fred has been unwell too," said she. +"Indeed?--I thought he was out." "He returned, and has been in bed this +hour." "Oh!" said I. It was clear to me why her hair was rough. Fred was +abed, but awake. Had Mrs. Maria been fucked on that bed? + +My aunt and I left the next day, and went to the Manor-House; Fred to my +astonishment could not get out of bed, so bad was his sprain; so we +left him there. At the Hall I got so lewd that I went up to London, and +rushed to Laura's lodgings the next night. + +"Both abed sir," said the servant who let me in. Finding no one in +Mabel's room, I went down to the first floor. The women were in bed +together. Laura opened the door to me, and got into bed again in the +dark; for company sake they slept together when we men were both away, +she said. + +Lewd with prolonged chastity, the two servants in the bath-room ran in +my mind as I sat chatting in the dark room. After having slipped my +hand under the clothing on to Mabel's cunt, "Have you been amusing each +other?--which was man, which woman?" were questions put and answered +with real or assumed ignorance, but with some giggling. Laura as I have +said never allowed a baudy word, so I ceased; and Laura I suppose savage +at Mabel having all the groping to herself, said, "You go first, and +warm the bed, and Mabel will come up to you." "No, you go and warm it +for me Mabel." "I won't." "Then I won't." Mabel seemed to me thick in +speech, muddled in manner, and half asleep. + +I fetched my candle. The women looked so fresh and handsome. "I'll sleep +with you both," said I beginning to undress. + +A slight altercation,--what would Fred say?--the servants think?--no she +would not permit it,--she knew the games we should be up to. Mabel +said, "No,--no, it wouldn't do." The more they said no, the quicker I +undressed, and with prick lifting up my shirt, forced myself into bed, +by the side of Mabel. Laura jumped out the other side, her white legs +showing half-way up her thighs as she did so. + +She stood by the bed-side wrangling, and looking at me as randy as +possible, spite of herself. I should not stay,--she would not go to bed. +"Well my dear Laura, go up to our bed." "I shant." Tired of standing in +the cold she said, "Well will you promise to keep quiet?" "Perfectly." +"Come on," said Mabel, "Fred won't know." So putting out the light into +bed got Laura. Perhaps she thought she would like on the quiet to hear +the amatory talk of Mabel and myself,--hear if she could not see or feel +our tricks,--who knows? + +"Turn your back to Mabel,--go to sleep Laura,--now you won't see or +hear." "You know your promise,--don't you let him Mabel." "How can I +help it?" said Mabel in a muddled manner. "You are a couple of dirty +beasts," said Laura turning her rump towards us. We heeded not, for we +were fucking. Laura spoke not another word, she lay as if asleep. Then +I fell fast asleep on the edge of the bed cuddling Mabel. It was close +packing. + +I awakened cold on one side, hot on the other next Mabel, who lay +snoring profoundly. The regular breathing of Laura told me she was +asleep. My prick was stiff, and as I thought of the two women by the +side of me, it got ungovernable. + +"How I should like a put into Laura," I thought, but had a high sense +of honor, and checked the desire. "What, Fred's woman?--for shame +Walter.--Well (reflecting) he took my two women in the country.--Yes," +replied my conscience, "but nothing made them yours,--not completely at +least, one had had another man, but Laura is _his_ woman, his temporary +wife, he is fond of her, he keeps her." But my prick kept throbbing with +desire to be up her. + +I thought of Fred's description of the thick hair on her cunt, of the +quickness with which she pissed, of all he had foolishly told me of her +perfections, until my brain whirled. "There can't be any harm in just +feeling her flesh,--no one will know." I could only guess where she +was in the darkness; but carefully stretching my hand over Mabel quite +slowly, it touched a bunch of night-gown, and then warm flesh. She +was lying on her back, Mabel had her rump towards her. I raised myself +gently up to feel further, touched the hips, the thighs, then the smooth +belly, further on, and my hand laid in the thick hair of her cunt. + +Up to that time I had my reason, could reflect, pause, control myself; +the woman of any friend of mine was safe from attack from me, but I had +had a fancy that there had been once or twice in Laura's look and manner +towards me, a slight gleam of desire; yet the idea of having her never +had entered my head, I should have chased it instantly. But from the +moment my hand lighted on the crisp thicket, reason left me, voluptuous +desire overwhelmed me: I forgot Fred, almost forgot Mabel. + +Slowly, inch by inch, I moved myself half up and my arm over Mabel as +she lay, fearing it would wake her, and slid my finger down between +Laura's cunt-lips, and gently frigged, listening to Mabel's snoring, +and Laura's breathing. At length I must have produced a voluptuous +sensation, she got restless, and opened her thighs, moved, clasped my +hand, and in a peevish sleepy tone said, "Don't Mabel,--what are you +doing?" + +"It's I"; I whispered frigging on. "Oh!" said she pushing my hand away. +"Oh! if you wake Mabel." She kept repulsing my hand saying "don't," I +replacing it. My hand frigging her clitoris. + +She turned her backside towards Mabel, I then fumbled between her +bum-cheeks; but she was too far off. Slowly I got out of bed, and +feeling my way round the foot in the dark, I got to Laura's side. She +heard me. I put my mouth to her ear, "Let me dear," and thrusting my +hand under the clothes felt her cunt from motte to bum-hole. "Oh! no, if +Mabel--" Mabel's snoring reassured me. Little by little I uncovered +her, lifting off the clothes, got on to her, up her, and without a +word, without a whisper, without resistance or denial we fucked gently, +pausing at intervals to listen, hiding our emotions and pleasures as we +spent, Laura's flanks and my hand close to Mabel's rump, my leg almost +touching Mabel's leg, she still snoring like a pig. + +"Go," said Laura, her mouth to my ear, and un-cunting me. Quietly, +without reply, I got off, and back again crept stealthily to Mabel's +side, and at the very moment that I was lifting the bed-clothes Mabel +awoke, and said directly, "what are you getting up for?--where are you +going?" + +I was for a moment at my wits' end. "Where is the pot?" said I. "Under +the bed," said Mabel. "Laura!" Laura did not answer, and breathed +heavily. I pissed, and got into bed. It was a close fit. Mabel took hold +of my prick. "It's wet," said she drowsily. Down went my hand, the hairs +were wet and sticky. Mabel was too sleepy to notice what the wet was, +yet I feared. "Turn on your back dear," said I. She did. I got on her, +and put my prick in though not stiff. "Don't,--I'm tired,--wait till +morning,--get off, Laura will hear." "Here is a lark," thought I, and +got off her, turning my bum towards Mabel's belly, as the best way to +economize room, and I was soon asleep again. She snored off instantly. + +Excitement wakened me early. The house was quiet, it was quite dark, we +all three talked. Laura laid sulking, I reminded her of Fred's remark +at Vauxhall about her pissing quickly; that only made her sulkier. +At length upstairs I went with Mabel to our bed-room, to prevent the +servants knowing anything. When we came down to breakfast, Laura and +I looked at each other hard. When I got a chance of speaking to her +privately, she would not hear the deed alluded to; reminded me that Fred +was my cousin, and a good fellow. After that I never spoke to her on the +subject for weeks, I felt ashamed of myself; but for all that my cock +would often tingle, and raise its head when I looked at her. One day +there she being alone, we fell talking about that night. I had never +known her so warm; we wondered Mabel had not heard. "And the hair of my +prick was wet with our spending Laura." "No it was yours." "No yours." +"Let's try again." She rushed out of the room. + +The night after poking Laura I took them to the play, at supper Mabel +drinking rather freely, Laura said that she had better not take as much +as she had the last night. Then I found she had lushed rather freely, +which accounted for her sleeping so soundly. She had a strong liking for +liquors of all sorts. + +A day or two afterwards Fred arrived, looking as if his prick had never +left a cunt for a month. I asked him how Mrs. Maria was, he laughed, +and repeated that he should not mind having her; but said no more. Soon +after we went back to the country, to spend Christmas at my aunt's. My +mother, Tom, and one of my sisters also came. They were much in my way. + +For brevity I compress the events of the next few months; it is a pity, +but it would print to three the length otherwise. Briefly I was obliged +to get back once or twice to my aunt's to see Pender privately, though +I did not want to have her. I was mostly in London. One or two funny +whoring incidents I must leave out altogether, and for the same reason: +brevity. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + +My cousin at home.--Pender's belly.--A lawyer's letter.--Action +for crim-con threatened.--Suspicions.--A compensation.--The Penders +leave.--Wholesale whorings.--A frolic at Lord A...'s.--After +dinner.--Newspaper readings.--A strange rape.--Bets on pricks.--Pricks +felt.--Fred on his head.--Beds on the floor.--Free fucking.--End of the +orgie. + +My cousin came home from school, and when dancing or talking with her, +I used to think of the look of her bum. One young lady from the school +whose posteriors I also knew came to stay. Fred and I used to laugh +about the adventure, and about his sister and cousin as much as about +the others. + +Mrs. Pender's belly was like a mountain, her husband I fancied scowled +at me. Mrs. P. looked scared, and whisking past me in the farm-yard one +day with a milk-pail, said in a low voice as she passed, "For God's sake +keep away," and I did, feeling uneasy, In cold weather my aunt ceased to +go to the farm-yard, our own shooting was over, and I had no reason for +crossing the farm-yard; but at the end of a week my cock was so much in +want of amusement, that I made up my mind to have a poke up Pender if +I could, and way-laid her in the shrubbery-walk. She told me that on +a particular day her man would go some distance to buy cattle, and she +would try to meet me in the barn. Chance favored us, we fucked, and +talked at intervals for two or three hours, she having a poke, then +going out for a time, coming back again, and so on. + +I heard that her husband suspected her and me, he was sure it was not +his child. Some one had seen me and her together in the lane, he would +not say who. Said Mrs. P., "I don't know what, but I am sure he is up to +something bad to you or me, and I live in a fright; I can scarcely eat, +drink, or sleep for thinking about what's to happen." + +About a month after this, I received a letter from a lawyer in London +saying he wished to see me. I went, and found that he was instructed to +bring an action against me for seducing Mrs. Pender. I denied all, +but it was of no use. I at once went to my solicitor, who after a time +feared the case could be proved against me. The action would be brought +for damages (there was no divorce possible then), and there would be the +scandal, the annoyance to my aunt, and the horror of my mother. The +only chance of getting a word with Mrs. P. was way-laying her in the +laurel-walk. When I saw her she looked the picture of misery, her +husband had refused to sleep in the same bed with her. At about five +o'clock one evening, it being quite dark, she had given me a signal +during the day, I went to the privy. There I fucked her, she said how +utterly miserable she was, and asked me to take her away. Uprighters +were never to my taste, and now her big belly made it far from +pleasurable. I got worried, and at length after much legal annoyance, +agreed to give five hundred pounds, on condition that I had a letter +from Pender saying that he was very sorry for what he had done, that +he was convinced he had made a mistake, and was then sure of his wife's +fidelity, or something to that effect. + +Before this was quite settled, Mr. Pender got leave of absence, and +went away somewhere. My solicitor asked me whether I had any reason to +suspect that Mrs. P. had told her husband. Immediately I became savagely +suspicious, went to the cottage under pretense of asking for Pender +himself, although I knew he was away, and insisted she should meet me at +the town. I thought of nothing until we met, but how I should entrap her +into a confession, and worked myself up into a belief that the couple +were making a market of me. + +She undressed, I caressed her, with hand on her cunt, looked at her and +said, "Your husband means to make a fortune out of me." "What he,--ho, +ho, ho," she cried, "the wretch,--oh! I shall be exposed,--ho, ho," and +was as white as a sheet. When she got better, I told her all, she +knew nothing about what her husband had done, and begged I would pay +nothing,--she would drown herself.--and I left, convinced that the poor +woman was true to me. + +Pender gave notice to leave, and forfeiting wages left his place, and +went to the North of England. Months afterwards I received a scrawl +saying that the child was exactly like me, that P. was not unkind, but +she was unhappy, would like to see me; and if I wished it she would run +away, and be as good as a wife to me. There was no name or address to +it, and I never heard of her afterwards. + +I thought all settled, and that no one would know about it; but for all +that it leaked out. Months afterwards being at my aunts, I got into +one of her servants, and after giving her a good fucking one night, and +telling her after a fuck not to wash, she said, "I don't want you to +get me in the family way like Mrs. Pender." She had heard that. How the +devil did it leak out? + +After Christmas Fred and I went to see our women, he wanted more than +I did. I had some harlotting; not being at all faithful to Mabel, I had +fits of great incontinence, and as many as three different women on the +same day, at times. + +Exceedingly nice women were then to be met in the Quadrant from eleven +to one in the morning, and three till five in the afternoon. I would +have one before luncheon, get another after luncheon, dine, and have a +third women. I would at other times go under the Opera colonade, where +they used to assemble in the summer evenings with low dresses showing +shoulders and breasts; to see them, even if I did not want a fuck. I +had an insatiable desire to look at their nudity, would strip them, +make them piss, feel them all over, leave, and in an hour perhaps have +another. I had no leches for fancy postures. To see their thighs and +cunts in free but graceful attitudes was sufficient pleasure. During +this time the following occurred. + +An intimate friend of Fred's was Lord A-----he lived with a lady who was +called Lady A.... I don't think she had been gay, and in that respect +resembled Laura and Mabel. The three women were much together. We often +saw Lord A...., and all became friends. Lord A.... was not very true to +his lady. He lived in B.t.n street, where he had at that time the whole +of a handsomely furnished house, but only could half occupy it. His +indoor servants were a middle-aged woman who cooked, a maid who was her +niece, and his valet, who waited at table as well. A woman who did not +sleep in the house came daily. He had grooms and a coachman, but not in +the house. Lord A.... had quarrelled with his father. He had been in the +Guards, and drank very freely. + +He invited us one night to dinner, and gave a splendid one. By the time +we had finished, we were all noisy. It was never our custom to use baudy +language when in each other's company. Laura had a great aversion to it. +Mabel liked me to talk baudy to her, but did not talk it herself. Fred +always after dinner would let out a warm word or so, and was at once +snubbed by Laura. For all that our conversation after dinner was +generally warm with _double entente_. + +On the night in question our conversation got to open voluptuousness. +Fred and Lord A.... went in for it, Mabel laughed, Laura hished and +hished, said she would leave, but at last gave way, as did Lady A....; +then we men got to lewdness. Whenever any sensuous allusion was made, +my eyes sought Laura's, hers seeking mine; we were both thinking of the +quiet and quick fuck we had, with Mabel snoring by our side. We compared +our thoughts on that night, but at a future day. + +Just at that time a case filled the public journals. It was a charge of +rape on a married woman, against a man lodging in the same house. She +was the wife of a printer on the staff of a daily paper, who came home +extremely late; she always went to be leaving her door unlocked, so that +her husband might get in directly he came home. The lodger was a friend +of her husband's, and knew the custom of leaving the door unlocked,--in +fact he was a fellow-printer. + +She awakened in the night with the man between her thighs, had opened +them readily, thinking it was her husband. It appears to have been her +habit, and such her husband's custom on returning home, or so she said. +The lodger had actually all but finished his fuck, before she awakened +sufficiently to find out that it was not the legitimate prick which was +probing her. Then she alarmed the house, and gave the man in charge for +committing a rape. The papers delicately hinted that the operation was +complete before the woman discovered the mistake,--but of course it left +much to the reader's imagination. + +Fred read this aloud. I knew more, for the counsel of the prisoner was +my intimate friend. He had told me that the prisoner had had her twice, +that she had spent with him; that he had often said he meant to go in, +and have her, that she had dared him to do it, and that she only made a +row when she thought she heard her husband at the door on the landing, +although it was two hours before his usual time of return. His prick was +in her when she began her outcry. + +With laughter and smutty allusions we discussed the case. "Absurd," +said Laura, "she must have known it was not her husband." "Why?" "Why +because--," and Laura stopped. "If you were asleep, and suddenly felt a +man on you of about my size, and his prick up you, very likely you would +not tell if it were mine or not," said Fred. Laura threw an apple at his +head. Decency was banished from that moment, a spade was called a spade, +and unveiled baudiness reigned. + +"I should know if it were not you," said Lady A... looking at Lord A... +"How?" "Ah! I should,--should you not know another woman from Laura, if +you got into bed with two women in the dark?" said she to Fred. "I am +not sure for the moment if with a woman just her size, and as much hair +on her cunt," said he. "I tell you what Fred, I won't have it," said +Laura ill-tempered, "talk about some one else, I won't have beastly +talk about me." "I'll bet," said I, "that if the ladies were to feel our +pricks in the dark, they would not tell whose they each had hold of." +Roars of laughter followed. "I should like to try," said Mabel. "So +would I," said another. "Would you know, if you felt us?" said one +women. "If I felt all your cunts in the dark, I'll bet I should know +Marie's," said Lord A.... "That is if you felt all round and about," +said Fred, "but not if she opened her legs, and you only felt the +notch." "I think I should." + +"Why?--is she different from others?" Lord A---- + +was going to say something, when Marie told him to shut up. + +So we went on, the men in lascivious language, the women in more +disguised terms, discussing the probabilities of distinguishing cunts +or pricks by a simple feel in the dark. Each remark caused roars of +laughter, the women whispered to each other, and laughed at their own +sayings. Lewdness had seized us all, the women's eyes were brilliant +with voluptuous desire. More wine was drunk, "Call it by its proper +name," said Lord A.... when Marie remarked that a woman must know her +own man's thing. "Prick then." "I will bet five pounds that Mabel would +not guess my prick in the dark, if she felt all of us," said I. "And +I'll bet," said another. "Shall we try?" said Fred. "Yes," said Mabel +more fuddled than the rest. Baudier and baudier, we talked, laughed, and +drank, and at length set to work to make rules for trying, all talking +at once. + +One proposed one way, one another. "I can't tell unless I feel balls as +well," said a woman. "Will they be stiff when we feel?" said another. +"Mine will," said Fred, "it's stiff already." "So is mine," added I. + +"How shall we know where to put our hands, if we are in the dark?" said +Lady A.... "If a man is in front of you, you will find it fast enough," +answered some one. Laura had now yielded to the baudy contagion, and +made no objection, though Mabel and Lady A.... were the most forward. +Then Lord A... rang the bell, and told his valet he might go out for the +night, and his house-keeper and maid they might go to bed, which they +did at the top of the house, as we supposed. The sequel proved that to +be doubtful, and that they must have had a most edifying night. + +After lewd squabbles, we arranged that each man was to give the woman if +she guessed the prick right, ten pounds; the men were to be naked, the +women to feel all the men's cocks, and give a card to him whose prick +she thought she knew. The room was to be dark. No man was to speak, +or give any indication by laughing, coughing, or any other way, under +penalty of paying all the bets. The women were to lose if they spoke, +or gave indications of who they were. + +I took three cards, and wrote the name of a lady on each of them. +Then each lady took her card, and they went upstairs to the bed-room +pell-mell and laughing. The women were to stand of a row in a certain +order against a side of the room, we to follow in an order they did not +know. They were to feel all pricks twice, each giving her card to the +man at the second feel, if she knew the prick. We undressed to our +shirts, took off our rings, so as to leave no indications, and in that +condition entered the room. The dining-room door we closed, there was no +light on the first-floor lobby, nor in the bed-room, for we had put +out the fire there. So holding each other by the shoulder, we entered, +closed the door, and we were all in the room together in the dark. + +We lifted our shirts, and closed on the women, each of whom in her turn +felt our pricks. One felt mine as if she meant to pull it off. On the +second feeling, we got somehow mixed, a slight tittering of women began, +some one hished, and the tittering ceased. Two hands touched me at the +same time, but one withdrew directly she touched the other's hand. A +card was put into my hand, afterwards another card touched me, and was +withdrawn. After waiting a minute I nudged the man next me. "Have you +all given cards?" shouted out the man. "Yes," shouted the three women +at once. Then we all burst out laughing, and the men went downstairs, +leaving the women all talking at once like Bedlam broke loose. + +Looking at our cards, we found that each women had guessed rightly her +man's prick; but we changed our cards, and called out to the women who +came rushing down like mad. "Not one of you has guessed right," said I, +"you have all lost your bets." "I'll swear I'm right," said Lady A..., +"it's Adolphus that I gave my card to." This set us all questioning at +once. "What makes you so sure?" "She says it's very long and thin," said +Mabel, "and so it is." "Hold your tongue," said Marie. "I felt it," said +Mabel. "They all seemed the same to me," said Laura, "and one of you +pushed my hand away." "It was I," said Fred, "you wanted to feel too +much, you nearly frigged me," "Oh! what a lie." Then we told the truth, +and that each women had won, which caused much noisy satisfaction, then +we had more wine, we men still with naked legs. + +I have told all I can recollect with exactitude, but there was lots more +said and done. Fred pulled up Lord A...'s shirt, his cock was not stiff. +"That's not as it was when I felt it," said Mabel. "You've guessed +pricks, but for all that you would not know who fucked you in the dark." +"We should," cried out all the women. "Let's try," said Lord A... "All +right," said Mabel. "We are not prostitutes," said Laura. "A little free +fucking will be jolly, let's take turns about all round," said Fred. +Then the room resounded with our laughter, all spoke baudily at once, +every second, "prick," "cunt," "fuck," was heard from both men and +women,--it was a perfect Babel of lasciviousness. + +"I'll bet ten pounds a women doesn't guess who fucks her," said Lord +A... We echoed him. The women laughed, but led by Laura refused, and +squabbled. All wanted the bet to come off, but did not like to admit +it. We had more champagne, the men put on their trowsers, we kissed all +round, and talked over the way of deciding such a bet, the women got +randier, one showed her leg to another, and at length all the women +agreed to take part in the orgie. + +The rest I shall tell as truthfully as I can. The drink and excitement +I was under makes it difficult; but I will tell nothing I am not quite +sure of. We arranged a plan with such noise and talking, that God knows +how it was arranged at all. Where were we to poke?--in the bed-room? +Impossible, there was but one large bed in Lady A... 's room, and one in +the back-room. + +How were we to fuck all together? We all rushed upstairs, took all the +beds and pillows from both rooms, and from the upper rooms, and put them +on the floor in the large room, making one long bed, after moving aside +the furniture. The fire had been put out. All this was done with shouts +and yells, a fearful lascivious riot. + +The women were to lie down in an order known to us, Lady A... nearest +to the door, and so on. There was to be absolute silence. Each man as +he knelt between the woman's legs was to put a card with a number on it +under her pillow. We men knew which number each had, the women were not +to know which man was to have her, directly we had fucked we were to +return, each woman was to produce her card, and guess who had been up +her, they were to be in their chemises, we in our shirts. I never +shall forget the looks of the women as they went upstairs to arrange +themselves for the fucking, but think that they scarcely knew the rules +of what they were to do. + +The women undressed quickly enough, for we had scarcely had time to +tie up our faces in napkins to prevent our whiskers being noticed (Lord +A.... had none), before a voice shouted out, "We are ready." Then with +shirts on only, up we men went. I only recollect kneeling down between +Lady A... 's legs (we had agreed among ourselves how to change our +women), giving a card, feeling a cunt, and putting my prick into it, +then hearing the rustling of limbs, hard breathing, sighing, and moans +of pleasure of the couples fucking fast and furiously; of my brain +whirling, of a maddening sensuality delighting me as I clasped the +buttocks of Lady A..., and fucked her. + +We must have spent nearly all together, none when we compared after, +recollected more than his own performance. All were quiet. I was feeling +round my prick which was still in Lady A... 's cunt, when a light +flashed powerfully through the room. That devil Fred had risen, and +lighted several lucifers, which then was done by dipping them in a +bottle,--they were expensive. What a sight was disclosed at a glance! + +All three women lay with chemises up to their navels, Lady A... on her +back, I on the top of her (rising rapidly at the light). Next to her +Mabel seemingly asleep with thighs wide open. Fred kneeling between +them, holding the lighted matches, Laura on her back with open thighs, +eyes closed, Lord A... cuddling, but nearly off of her by her side, and +his prick laying on her thigh. The women shrieked, and began pulling +down their chemises. I swore at Fred, the women joined chorus. "Most +ungentlemanly," said Laura getting up. That got up Lord A... Mabel lay +still on her back as if ready to be stroked again. But all was said. In +a minute the lucifers burnt out, and it was dark again. Scuffling up we +men went downstairs, leaving the women chattering. Soon after down they +came, looking screwed, lewd, and annoyed that the bets were off, and all +chattering at once. + +Mabel was quarrelsome. "You," said she turning to Lady A..., "said that +your husband's thing was long and thin, you tried to mislead me in the +bet, you wanted to make me lose." They had evidently been discussing +their men's pricks. + +"So you have been telling how each of us fucks," said Fred. Laura denied +it. "We did," said Mabel. "It's a lie Mabel, if you say it again, I'll +tell something more than you will like to hear about yourself." Mabel +retorted, Lady A... chimed in. It was a Babel of quarrelsome lewd women, +with their cunts full. + +I feared a row, and that Mabel might after all know more about my having +had Laura, the night we all three slept in the same bed, than I cared +for; so I pacified them. Fred said we had better try again, Laura +objected. "Oh! yes Mrs. Modest," said Mabel, "when you found it was not +Fred, why didn't you cry out?" "I didn't know," said Laura. "Ah! ah! the +printer's wife," we shouted, then more baudy talk, recriminations, and +squabbling. Laura said she should go home, Fred said she might go by +herself. Lord A... who had half fallen asleep, said it was too late, +and we had better stop. Some one said we could soon again make the beds +comfortable in the upper rooms. "That be damned," said Fred, "we will +all sleep on the floor as they are now." "Free fucking for ever," said +I. Laura said I was a blackguard, Mabel said she should like it, Lady +A... said she didn't care, if Adolphus didn't, Adolphus said any cunt +would suit him. He was reeling drunk as he spoke. + +All this time we were in shirts and chemises. One woman had thrown a +shawl over her, one a petticoat, but their breasts flashed out, their +arms were naked, their legs showing to their knees, the men were naked +to their knees in their shirts. The scene was exciting, the women hadn't +washed their cunts, Fred said so. Mabel asked him if he was sure of it. +No, he would feel. Laura told him he must be drunk, and was a beast. +"Drunk?" said he, "look here." He turned a sommersault, and stood on his +hands and head, his heels against the wall, his backside in the air, +his prick and cods falling downwards over his belly, his shirt over +his head. Lady A... took up a bunch of grapes, and dashed it on his +ballocks. Then we chased the women round the room, tried to feel them, +and they us. It was like hell broke loose, till we agreed to sleep on +the floor together, any how. + +No lights; lights and piss-pots were put in the back bed-room,--a woman +suggested that. "You're frightened of farting," said some one. The women +went up to make the beds more comfortable, whilst we men fetched candles +from the kitchen, the others being well nigh burned out. The women had +washed their cunts, we had more wine, and then we all were pretty well +screwed, and Lord A... pretty drunk when we went up to them. + +Up to that time I was sufficiently sober to know all I have written, and +plenty more. Surely I could tell a lot more of our conversation, but it +would prolong the tale too much. After the last bottle of champagne +I was groggy, recollect less clearly, was in a half-sleepy, feverish, +excited, and baudy state, my sleep was broken by others, but when awake +my prick stood immediately, and I moved all night from one woman to +another, fucking, and then dozing. + +To satisfy Laura, and keep up a sort of appearance, we had said we +would only have our own women, who were again to lay in a certain order. +Directly they had left the room, we agreed to change. A... doggedly +insisted in having Mabel, so I was to take Laura, and Fred Lady A... It +was such a lark. My prick was up Laura, when she cried, "It's not you +Fred." Then were simultaneous exclamations, "I'm not Mabel,"--"What a +lovely cunt!"--"Leave me alone,"--"Feel my big prick," "Damn, a cunt's +a cunt," hiccupped Lord A... "Oh!--ah!"--"Ha! my love fuck,--my +darling, oh!"--kiss, kiss,--spending,--"Aha!"--sighs of delight, +"cunt,"--"fuck,"--"oh!"--"ah! ah!" And I fell asleep on Laura amidst +this. + +Awake again. By my side a wet cunt, a heavy sleeper. Turning round, my +legs met naked legs. I stretched out my hand, and felt a prick, perhaps +Fred's, I don't know. Getting up I felt my way stumbling over legs to +the wall to the furthest woman, and laid myself on her. "Don't Adolphus, +I'm so sleepy," said she. The next instant we were fucking. Others +awakened. "Where are you?" said some one. Then all moved, one man swore, +a hand felt my balls from behind. I was spending, and rolled off the +lady; turning my bum to her. Then I touched Mabel, and put my hand on +her cunt. A man dropped on her, and touched my hand with his prick. +Ejaculations burst out on all sides, the couples were meeting again, +then all was quiet, and the fucking done. Then all talked. All modesty +was gone, both men and women told their sensations and wants, "You fuck +me,--Feel me.--No, I want so and so," Laura as lewd as the rest. + +Again awaking. A hand was feeling my prick. "Is it you Laura?" "Yes." I +felt her cunt. "Oh! let me go and piddle." But I turned on to her, and +we fucked. "How wet your cunt is." "No wonder." + +Again I awakened, some one got up, and fell down. "Hulloa! who is that?" +"I want to piss, and can't get up," said Lord A... in a drunken voice. +Some one opened the door, a feeble light came across from the back room, +we helped him up and he stumbled along with us men to piss. Then he +insisted on going downstairs. He could scarcely stand, so we helped +him to the dining-room, we lighted more candles, he swilled more wine, +tumbled on to the sofa, where we left him drunk and snoring, and found +him snoring the next morning with the heath-rug over him. We two went +back to the women. "I've fucked all three," said Fred. "So have I." +"Laura's a damned fine fuck, ain't she?" Some one shut the room-door +opposite, as we reached the landing. We pushed it open. Two ladies were +pissing: Marie and Laura. "Where is Mabel?" "Drunk," replied one. The +two were past caring for anything, pissed and went back with us to the +bed-room. I took a light there. Mabel was on her back nearly naked, we +covered her up, for it was cold. Then I fucked Laura, and Fred Lady A... +The light we left now on the wash-hand stand, as we looked at each +other fucking and enjoyed it, and then we changed women. There was no +cunt-washing, we fucked in each other's sperm, no one cared, all liked +it, all were screwed, baudy, reckless, Mabel snoring. + +I awakened after a heavy sleep, chilly, feverish, headaching, and +thirsty. I drew aside the curtains; it was late, light, but foggy; a +nasty winter's morning. Fred and the three ladies lay snoring, some +covered, others partially so, the floor looking as if every article of +bed-furniture had been thrown down with a pitchfork. I drank water, and +fucked out as I was, my lubricity was unsatiated. I could not resist +gratifying it. + +Moving stealthily I uncovered the sleepers one by one. It was easy +enough, as the clothes lay loose and in shapeless heaps. I saw Fred's +prick touching Mabel's haunch, contemplated Laura's thick-haired quim, +saw spunk on her chemise. She looked lovely. Lady A... on her back, +her hand over her cunt, red stains about her, and on the sheet which I +pulled off of her,--her poorliness had come on. Mabel on her back looked +ready for a man. My cock stiffened, I laid myself on Laura, and awakened +her. That awakened Fred who mounted Mabel. Both couples took to +the exercise in the foggy day-light, and a long time we were in +consummating. "Oh! do leave off," said Laura, "I'm so sore." My prick +was excoriated, it had not been so for many a day. + +Never have I been in such an orgie before, never since, and perhaps +never shall be; but it was one of the most delicious nights I ever +spent. So said Fred, so said Mabel; and Laura admitted to me at a future +day that she thought the same, and that since, when she frigged herself, +she always thought of it, and nothing else. + +I thought of nothing else for a long time. Nothing has ever yet fixed +itself in my mind so vividly, so enduringly, except my doings with my +first woman, Charlotte. At the beginning of my writing these memoirs, +this was among the first described. The narrative as then written was +double its present length, and I am sorry that I have abbreviated it, +for the occurrences as I correct this proof seem to come on too quickly. +Whereas we dined at seven o'clock, and it was one o'clock I guess before +we all went to bed together, and the stages from simple voluptuousness +to riotous baudiness and free-fucking were gradual. At eight o'clock not +one of us would have dared to think of, still less to suggest, what we +all did freely at midnight. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + + Morning headaches.--An indignant housekeeper.--A saucy + valet.--Consequences.--Fred leaves England.--Lady A...'s + invitation.--Laura a widow.--Farewell Laura.--Adieu Mabel.-- + My guardian's remonstrances.--Parental advice.--Ruined.-- + Reflexions.--My relations. + +With headaches, heated, irritable, thirsty, worn out, we arose; the men +quiet, the women quarrelsome. The women began to dress, some where +they had slept, some in the other room. We went down to Lord A..., and +awakened him. He went upstairs, and bawled out to the housekeeper (he +had rang the bell violently several times without her appearing). +"Make us some tea directly," said he. She answered, "I shant,--make it +yourself." "I'll dismiss you if you don't." "I ain't going to make, +tea for prostitutes," said she, "and we are not going to keep in such a +house." Fred said the wine was bad, or his head would not ache so. +A... said Fred knew nothing about wine. Mabel who had heard what the +housekeeper said, bawled out that she would go up, and tear her eyes +out. The free-fucking tone was gone, each man seemed jealous, and spoke +harshly to his woman. At a remark of Marie's, Lord A... told her to go +to another room. No, she should not till Mabel was out of the house. +Mabel not quite sober, told me I had better go home with Laura. Fred +said Laura would go home with him. Laura was quiet, and tried to get +Fred to leave with her, and told Mabel she would be better if she took +less liquor. At length we separated. We four were going to the same +house, but went in separate cabs, then to our own rooms, and had +breakfast separately there,--a thing we never had done before. We always +lived in Laura's apartments, and shared the expenses. + +After breakfast Mabel and I went to bed, late in the day we awakened. +I was refreshed, for then a long sleep restored me from any excess. +Although I did not like Mabel's behaviour, and did not care about her +having had the other men as I thought, yet it annoyed me; but it had the +effect of giving me a strong lech for her for some time. I used to think +as I fucked her, of my prick rubbing where Freds and Lord A... 's had +rubbed. It delighted me to say, "Should you know it was my prick if +you had just awakened?"--"Did his hurt you, when he pushed like +this?"--shove, shove,--"Tell me how Fred goes just before he spends." +We used to fetch each other by talking over that night; but she did not +recollect very clearly, and declared she was sure I had not had her, +although I certainly had her once that night, and when the spunk of +Lord A... and Fred's was in her. It used to horrify me when I thought of +that, such was my masculine inconsistency then. + +We all four dined together, but were a little reserved until wine was +in us, then we laughed about the night; but Laura saying we had better +forget it, we agreed not to talk about it again, nor did we with the +women. Fred and I used often to do so, he never seemed so happy as when +he was asking me, if Laura was not a damned fine fuck, but directly I +said yes, he was silent. + +The frolic brought about a great deal of mischief. Lord A...'s +housekeeper and maid left that day, they would not stop. I dare say they +had seen and heard enough to tell them the games we were up to, for we +were not particular about shutting doors. Lord A... regretted the cook, +because she was such a good one. She told the valet, and soon after he +was insolent to Lady A..., so Lord A... kicked him out. He summoned +A... before a magistrate for an assault, and A... was fool enough not to +compromise it. The man told a lot. The owner of the house gave Lord A... +notice to quit, he and Lady A... went to lodgings, and the publicity +embroiled Lord A... still more with his family. + +Neither was the friendship between us all quite the same. Laura and +Mabel quarrelled. Lord A... would not let his mistress visit them unless +he was with her, Laura would never leave Mabel in the room alone with +Fred. Occasionally we still dined together, and went to the theatre. One +night when we had had much wine, we joked about the night, and the women +got quarrelling. Laura said the affair was disgraceful, and had it not +been for Mabel, it never would have happened. Mabel bounced off to her +own rooms. Soon after I took separate lodgings for Mabel. There she +was always in tears, if I left her long, and if away a day or two, she +wanted to know if I had been with Laura. Lady A... visited Mabel, +and was frightened to let her Lord know it. Then Lord and Lady A... +quarrelled, he had the clap, and gave it to his mistress. Fred and I +were always excellent friends, and at some annoyance through the women, +suggested we should go to Paris, and leave them alone in London. + +Before going I met Lady A... walking out, who asked me in, in saying +Lord A... would be glad to see me. As I had not quarrelled with him, I +thought a chat might heal our coolness. When indoors, she called out to +him, and professed to be surprised at his not being there. If I would +wait, he would be in soon. We got nearer and nearer to each other on the +sofa, began talking about the free-fucking night, of the good aim she +had made with the bunch of grapes on Fred's balls, as he stood on his +head. We got very lewd, I kissed her, she me. Would she know it was I +who was up her, if I came in in the dark to her? She could not say, +but should know it was not A..,--a beast. "Beast, why?--have you +quarrelled?" Then she told me that A... was often drunk, and stayed away +from her for days. "He has got a disease from a beastly gay woman, and +hasn't slept with me for weeks." "And not had you?" "Of course not." +"Oh! don't you want it?" "No wonder if I do." At once I put my hands +up her petticoats, felt her nice plump thighs, my fingers rubbed on the +smooth quim. "Oh! don't--I can't bear it." I pulled out a stiff prick, +and put it into her hand, we toyed with each other's genitals for a +minute, then she sunk back on the sofa, I on her, and we copulated. + +I stayed the whole evening with her, fucking at intervals. A... did not +come back. I am sure she knew he would not, and had asked me in because +she wanted me to have her. She did not tell me she had had the clap, nor +I her,--it was Mabel who had told me. + +She hinted she should like to meet me again, and I made some half-sort +of promise, but never did. Mabel became more and more expensive, +discontented, lusty, and quarrelsome, and she was not clean. She would +feel my wet prick after it had left her cunt, and then cut bread and +butter without washing her hands. We had rows, and I left her, giving +her a handsome sum of money. Laura said she had gone back to Plymouth +with Lord A..., who had left Lady A... Then Fred, I and Laura were just +as we used to be. He seemed to have forgotten everything, and I never +presumed on having poked Laura. We went to Paris, leaving Laura in +London with her sister, who came up to stay with her,--a nice girl. + +Though short of money now, Fred and I at Paris took no heed, but rattled +away as if our purses were inexhaustable. His furlough was nearly up. We +had no end of women. "Old ------ (naming a relative) will leave you all +his money," said he, "he's fond of you, and has no one else to leave it +to." I and all my family thought that; my mother had repeatedly warned +me that he was discontented with my goings on; but I counted on his +love for me, love since I was a baby; so I played at Paris a jolly game, +regardless of money. + +When I came back from Paris, I tried to retrench, but found it all but +impossible. I got rid of Mabel, spent five shillings for my dinner, +where I used to spend twenty, went to live with my mother, put down +my horses and carriage, and discharged my man and grooms. But as I +diminished my amusements and extravagances generally, so I seemed more +and more to need women. My cock stood all day, and half the night. +Women I had by dozens. I tried to reduce their fees, and did to a +little extent, but for some years I had been accustomed to a liberal +expenditure in that article and though to a country girl I could give +five shillings, to a Londoner I could only give gold, and never refused +more if they pleased me, and were not satisfied. + +Fred then went abroad to his regiment. He made arrangements for Laura to +have a small income, not a tenth of what she had had, but enough to keep +her in a quiet way. I at first was to pay it to her. She was to have it +as long as she remained steady, and he hoped she would go home, hoped +she would keep steady till his return,--his return which was not +probable in less than seven years at the least. + +One night when together, we laughed at the absurdity of expecting it. +"Walter, is it probable that a fine woman like that will be content +with frigging herself?" "No." "She will be fucked,--I would if I were +she,--it's a shame to wish her to go without fucking. If I were married +to her, she would go with me, but a man can't take a mistress to India, +he could not live with her, and all the regiment would be smelling at +her tail,--she will be fucked, and I can't help it." Tears stood in his +eyes. "You give her a grind old boy, if she must have it, I'd rather you +did it than any one, and it will keep her quiet. You have had her,--do +you recollect that night?--oh! God, what a spree! I never had such a +spree before in my life, and never shall again." I said I would take +care of her as if a sister, as to having her, he might dismiss such an +idea from his head, and I meant what I said. He went abroad, and was +killed in battle. I loved him. + +Laura went into humbler lodgings, I saw her often, but never made the +slightest advances. Soon she could not make her money do. Her mother +came up to stay with her, and she had then partly two to keep. She +dressed plainer, sold or pawned her best things, told me all, and how +it was impossible to make the money do. Then I made her a present, she +kissed me, and that set my blood boiling. Her mother wanted her to go +back to the country, I advised it also; it was agreed she should, and +her mother went back. A day or two afterwards I called on her, she got +me a chop for dinner, and sent for wine. We talked about Fred, she cried +about him, I kissed her to comfort her, she kissed me again as we sat on +the sofa, my arm went round her, I pulled her hand on to my shoulders; +and that spree at Lord A... 's came into my head. + +"You miss a bed-fellow Laura, don't you?" "Oh! no, but I miss poor Fred, +he was so kind." "Do you recollect that night?" "Don't mention it, I am +ashamed of it,--oh! don't look at my boots, they are so shabby now." I +had began at the ankles, as I always did, it was on the road. "You are +not so stout as you were my dear." "There is not any difference in me." +I pinched her thighs outside her clothes. "Ah! I'm no thinner there I'm +sure." "Let me feel." "Oh! now don't,--it's a shame." "My darling, you +are as smooth and plump as ever,--I know the feel of those beautiful +thighs, I've laid on them." Soon my hand was between them, my finger +on the clitoris. "Poor Fred," said she still crying, her head on my +shoulder. In another instant her hand was round my prick, her thighs +open, my hand restless, and roving all about her cunt. "Lay down." +"I won't." "It won't hurt him poor fellow, he is far away." For a few +minutes we coaxed and fondled, kissed and cried, saying it was not +fair, and we never would. Then cock and cunt getting hotter and more +sensitive, I pushed her flat on the sofa, and we fucked ecstatically. +Rising she sat looking at me, her clothes half-way up her thighs, I +looking at her with my wet prick hanging its head. Then we hugged, +kissed, and did it again. + +"It was to be," said she (as if poking her was fate). "Quite true dear, +but let's go to the bed, the sin is no greater if we do it ever so many +times." Into bed we got, and there I think we laid for sixteen hours. +Laura was a lovely bed-fellow. I had a good look at the hair on her +cunt, it was very long, curled round, and completely hid her cunt, even +when standing with her legs slightly open; and when she pissed, she left +drops of piddle on the hair. On her that bush was handsome, but very +long hair is not generally handsome on a cunt, and I have disliked, it +on others; but it is not often found. I am describing here what I saw +more coolly, and often on future occasions rather than what I saw and +recollect of her cunt, on that night of exhausting pleasure. + +I had now but little money to spare, but gave her a little from time +to time, and a great deal of bum-basting. One day she said, "I'm in +misfortune again." She was in the family way, had been so before by +Fred, but had managed a miscarriage. She now got one, but was seriously +ill, and sent for her mother, and when she got better she went home. I +sent Fred's money to her there for some time, then she wrote me to send +it to a post-office, and afterwards to send no more, at she was going +to be married. She hoped I would never tell Fred, that I would burn her +letters, and if I ever saw her, would not notice her. I never saw her +again. She wrote to Fred about her marriage, and he was delighted at it, +as well as at saving his money. I have finished her history, so far as +it was connected with me; and must now take up my narrative at a time +before this. + +Friends were going to Paris, I went with them, and a jolly loose time we +had for a few weeks. I made acquaintance with six or eight of the best +baudy houses, and had women galore. Theatres, excursions, high-feasting, +unlimited whoring were the characteristics of my trip. I returned empty +in pocket, and knocked up with copulating, yet had had none of the +excitants, with women that I have had there since. I rushed at cunt +directly I saw it; my physical enjoyment was so intense, that I could +not dally with my prick, but let it satisfy itself as soon as it liked. +The varieties that Camille had given me left no taste for them. Cunt, +belly, and thighs, seen, felt, and fucked in regular fashion, was my +delight. Heaps of bills met me on my return. The thought of becoming +bankrupt horrified me. I disposed of my remaining property, paid all, +and was left with a few hundred pounds. I pass now over a short time of +which there is nothing to be said, but that I was economical in all but +women. + +My remaining guardian and my mother had been always at me with advice, +which I entirely disregarded, and flung away money in all directions. +Had I only spent it on women it would have lasted years longer. That +which women had I do not regret, they have been the greatest joy of my +life, and are so to every true man, from infancy to old age. Copulation +is the highest pleasure, both to the body and mind, and is worth all +other human pleasures put together. A woman sleeping or waking is a +paradise to a man, if he be happy with her, and he cannot spend his +money on anything better, or so good. + +Soon after, almost dependent again on my mother, who did nothing but +upbraid me, my hopes centered in my old relative, who had promised to +make me his heir. He was not so gracious to me as he used to be; he +murmured at my extravagance, and supposed that any money I had would go +down the same sink, by which he meant women. He died suddenly, just as +he was in greatest wrath with me, and left me nothing. + +All hopes were dashed to the ground. Laura was my consolation till she +left. For a year of my life I was needy and discontented, but not so +miserable as I was fated to be. I pass over that period, there was not +much in the amatory line to tell of. Fucking is a commonplace thing, +the prince and the beggar do it the same way, it is only the incidents +connected with it that are exciting. Voluptuous, reckless, youth and +beauty together, make the vulgar shoving, arse-wagging business poetical +for the time, but it is animalism. + +Then I committed a more fatal error than spending a fortune in jollity; +what it was will be guessed, it is only referred to here to connect my +history. I was then in my twenty-sixth year. + +I add a few observations which on reading this written many years ago, +seems now needful to explain even to myself. + +Most of my relatives lived in the provinces, and were wealthy. We +visited each other periodically, but distance (there were few railways +then) prevented them from entering into my daily life, still less my +secret life. Fred's mother was nearest to us, and as the episodes +show, she and her family were most mixed up with my affairs. An aunt in +London, childless and rich, gave me most money, and afterwards left me +a good sum. I cared but little about those living at a distance. With +a cousin from the North I had some rousing debauches, which were at the +time known to many of my family. He is still alive, but pious, and with +a large family, and would not like to know I am writing this. Jolly old +Ben, I won't narrate our sprees, for you may live to read this,--who +knows? + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + + Married, and miserable.--Virtuous intentions.-- + Consequences.--Mary Davis.--A virtuous child.--Low class + fucksters.--A concupiscent landlady.--Reflexions on my + career.--On the sizes of pricks.--My misconception. + +My life was now utterly changed; married. I was quite needy, with a +yearly income (and that not my own) not more than I used to spend in a +month, sometimes in a fortnight. Every shilling I had to look at, walked +miles where I used to ride, and to save a six pence, amusements were +beyond me, my food was the simplest, wine I scarcely tasted, all habits +of luxury were gone, but worse than all I was utterly wretched. I tried +to make the best of my life and could when by myself be cheerful, even +in the recollection of the past fun; but there was that about me now +which brought sorrow over to me. The instant I saw her, she checked my +smile, sneered at my past, moaned over my future, was a nightmare to me, +a very spectre. + +I tried to like, to love her. It was impossible. Hateful in day, she was +loathsome to me in bed. Long I strove to do my duty, and be faithful, +yet to such a pitch did my disgust at length go, that laying by her +side, I had wet dreams nightly, sooner than relieve myself in her. I +have frigged myself in the streets before entering my house, sooner than +fuck her. I loving women, and naturally kind and affectionate to them, +ready to be kind and loving to her, was driven to avoid her as I would a +corpse. I have followed a woman for miles with my prick stiff, yet went +to my wretched home pure, because I had vowed to be chaste. My heart +was burning to have an affectionate kiss, a voluptuous sight from +some woman, yet I avoided obtaining it. My health began to give way, +sleepless nights, weary days made me contemplate suicide. It seemed as +if I never could have happiness again, yet my physical forces, or +so much of them as lay in my generative organs, seemed unimpaired. I +neither drank nor debauched, and my prick stood incessantly; neither +random frigs nor night-dreams stopped it. + +My only relief from misery was in thinking over the pleasures I had had, +yet all seemed such a long time past, that it was like a dream. Then +a desire to have other women became invincible. I had no means to get +those I had been accustomed to, and seemed to have no idea of going +economically to work for my pleasures, but at length began to walk +through streets inhabited by very poor gay women, in a neighbourhood I +had known in my early youth. Then I found out other poor quarters, +and one night with but a few shillings in my pocket, after thinking of +throwing myself into a canal, I found myself at a spot where women of +a somewhat better class lived in its centre, and on its outskirts very +poor harlots. + +"I will,--have I the money?--can't help it,--if one won't another +will," and I slunk into a street, half ashamed of entering it. Saw girls +standing at doors, never paused for selection, nor to see if one looked +nicer than another, it was cunt I wanted. The moment I turned the corner +of the street, I cared not who or what, as long as she had a petticoat +and what it hid from sight. I took the nearest. + +"Will you let me have you for five shillings?" was all I uttered. I +recollect it as well as possible, hanging my head, ashamed of my offer, +and not looking at the girl, ashamed of being seen in the neighbourhood. + +"All right," said she turning round. I followed her through the little +narrow passage of a four-roomed house into a little room with a bed +on one side of it. I looked at her, and she at me for an instant only. +"Here are the five shillings," said I. "Shall I undress?" "No." "Shall +we get on the bed?" "No, at the side,"--and whilst speaking I had half +lifted her on to it. Laughing with a peculiar chuckle she fell back, +pulling up her clothes. I saw plump thighs, dark hair, felt giddy, could +not see, recollect opening the lips, and began to spend as the tip of my +prick touched her cunt. Following the spunk as it shot up the passage as +it opened its way, with one thrust I was up her, and had finished. +Fifty times in my life up to the time I pen this, has a similar rapid +ejaculation occurred to me when randy. + +"Didn't you want it!" said she. They were the first words I recollect +being uttered as I bent over her. How divine she seemed. "Let me do +it again." "Oh! you ought to give me a little more." "I'll give you a +shilling, it's all I have I fear; but more if I have it." "Very well +then," said a soft voice. Oh! what a heavenly few minutes they seemed +to me,--they still seem to me,--as I fucked her again. First and second +fuck must have been all over in five minutes. I had not un-cunted. + +"Pull it out," said she after an interval, my cock still keeping in her; +but I kept close to her, and up her. "Be still dear, do pray,--I'll see +what money I have." My hat and my great-coat were on, it was cold, I had +only unbuttoned my trowsers enough to get out my prick. Keeping still up +her, I thrust my hand into my trowsers pocket, pulled out all the money +I had, and put it on the bed beside her. "See, it is all I have, every +farthing, a little more than I said,--let me do it again,--there is more +than seven shillings,"--and pressing well on to her haunches, I began +wriggling my prick. + +She turned her head, looked at the money, but did not touch it. "Very +well," said she in a low voice, "but take it out,--don't make my chemise +in a mess, I have not another clean,--don't make a mess on the bed if +you can help it." "I shan't." "Yes you will, you have spent such a lot, +it's running out now." + +I withdrew. She took a towel which was close at hand, wiped her cunt and +spread another for her bum. I threw off hat and coat. Soon now we were +both on the bed, I up her, and leaning on my elbow for the first time +really looked at her. Up to that moment cunt, cunt, nothing but cunt +was in my mind. Now I saw that her eyes were blueish, her hair dark and +wavy, I recollect our staring in each other's faces for a minute or two +without speaking. A candle on a little table close to the bed showed a +strong light on us sideways; then we both fucked with vigor, and Mary +Davis spent with me,--she spent with me, that poor little gay woman. + +"You are a nice poke," said the girl. I got off the bed, sat on a chair +by the fire, and looked at the merry face of the little gay woman as she +smiled at me whilst washing her quim. The pleasure I had just had, +the entrancement of the carnal pleasure contrasted so strongly with my +misery at home, that I burst into tears, and sobbed like a child. She +rubbed her quim dry, then silently came up to me, put her hand on my +shoulder, and stood without uttering a word till my passion was over. +"Are you unhappy?" said she in a gentle tone. Yes I was. "Never mind, I +dare say it will be over some day--we have all got unhappiness." + +Her kind voice and manner--she a gay woman who owed me no kindness--so +contrasted with the coldness elsewhere, that it made me worse and again +I sat sobbing, and taking no notice of her; she still standing with her +hand on my shoulder. + +"Have something to drink," said she. "Yes,"--but recollecting myself, +"No, I have no money, I have given you every farthing I have." "Never +mind,--do you like gin?--I do." "Yes." She called out to the landlady, +"Fetch me a shilling's worth of gin, and mind you don't take any,--mind +a shilling's worth fills this bottle to here (giving the landlady a +large medicine bottle), don't take any, and I will give you a little. +I'll pay for the gin," said she turning to me. + +I sat looking at the fire. "You have not washed yourself," said she. +"No, are you unwell?" "No, I think I am all right, but we can't always +say you know, and it's best to wash after us,"--and I washed. + +I took hot gin and water, and got cheered, even began to smile when she +said, "You are a gentleman, ain't you?" "Yes I think so." "I am sure you +are by your manner, but you are poor I suppose." I told her the entire +truth, my heart was so full, I told this strange gay woman all my +trouble, all my misery, wanted more gin and water, and having in my +pocket a gold pencil-case, a gift of an aunt's, "Get some more gin," +said I, "take this and pawn it, for I have no money." She would not. "I +am sure, if you say you will bring me the money, that you will. I will +pay for more gin." + +So sitting, talking, and drinking gin and water, she sitting opposite to +me listening whilst I told my troubles, and my burst of troubles over, +relieved by my confidences, I became aware that she was plump, fleshy, +good-looking, and had a mild sympathetic eye. Up to that time cunt alone +had fascinated me, now I thought of the woman, and a liking for her +because she seemed kind stole over me; desire to have her, caress her, +spend in her on that account, rather than a desire for her cunt alone, +thrilled through me as I looked at her sitting half facing me by the +fire; her clothes slightly raised, that the warmth might reach her +limbs, one elbow on her knee, the hand supporting her face turned +towards me full of interest. And so an hour or more ran away. + +"I want you again so, but I have no more money." "Never mind, you may +have me,--shall I undress?" "Oh! do,--do,--how round and plump you +are,--but I have no more money." "Never mind,--give me more when you see +me again. Come into the bed,--see the sheets are quite clean,--no one +has slept in them, I take the clean ones off every night, and put on +others before I go to bed,--stop with me all night." We both undressed, +and jumped into bed together. I was frantic with pleasure as I cuddled +up to her plump warm body, and felt her from her neck to her knees; +rolled over her, and kissed her, till I settled down between her thighs; +and then Mary Davis and I fucked, and laid still, and then fucked again, +and so on, till I could do it no longer. + +It was three in the morning. "Stop all night," said she, "I will give +you a nice breakfast in the morning." I would not, had a strong desire +to keep up appearances of propriety and happiness at home, if I had not +the reality; so with a sigh rose, and dressed, borrowed a shilling of +her, and went out into the street. Silent and dirty it was, and raining +hard as I walked home to my miserable bed. + +At dusk next day with impatience I went off to Mary Davis', gave her +what I had promised, and money for that evening besides, and when I had +had her, we sat down and talked again. + +She was a short woman about nineteen years old, plump without fat, but +as nicely covered as any woman I ever saw; had a big bum, large thighs, +plenty of room between them, and dark hair on her cunt which had +strongly developed lips, it was large outside in proportion to her size. +She had a soft, kind face, beautiful grey eyes, nearly black hair which +draped naturally, and was altogether as nice a little woman as one could +have wanted. I have wondered often how she could have settled down in +a neighbourhood of coster-mongers, and taken five shillings for her +person, when she might as well have been a two-sovereign woman, had she +tried elsewhere. I put her up to trying at a future day, but she never +would. + +Her room was about twelve feet square. A large bed took up one third +of it, a table next the only window, two chairs (one easy), little +cupboards in the recesses by the fire-place, on which stood china and +glasses, a small wash-hand stand, a chest of drawers, with slop-pail, +coal-scuttle, and looking-glass completed the furniture. All was +scrupulously clean, the bed-linen white. + +Having broken my virtuous resolution, I never regained it, and for a +week fucked Mary from six in the evening till two the next morning. My +week's amusement cost me about two pounds, but then that modest sum +was too much for my pocket, so I left off for a while, and gave Mary a +chance of keeping her other friends. They were mostly poor clerks, she +told me, and married men better off, who gave her a pound, or at times +paid her rent if in arrear. She paid I think but twenty-five shillings a +week for her board and lodging together. My too exclusive attentions for +a week had prevented her regulars from coming. There was lots of cheaper +cunt in the neighbourhood so to send them away with full balls was +dangerous. + +The house was kept by an old man and woman, he a carpenter almost too +old, yet who went to daily work. He used to fetch gin and beer for us. +There was no lodger in the house. They were a decent couple, and after a +time I used to talk to the old woman, and when Mary once went away ill, +she got me a beautifully shaped girl, I had offered her money to get me +a girl of about fourteen years of age, a virgin. The streets about there +swarmed with girls and boys who played about at night, I could hear +their smutty language as they ran after each other yelling, laughing +and quarrelling. She tried, but never could; she was not a woman who +undertook that sort of thing, but the money tempted her. "There are lots +of girls about," said she, "their mothers don't care what they do, but +you want a virgin,--Lor! where's she to be found?--when they's about +thirteen or fourteen years old they won't be kept in, they is about the +dark streets at night, and Lor! if you heard what I have in the streets +where the costers' barrows is, of a night!" And so the old woman +intimated that all the young girls of that select neighbourhood, were +got into by the coster boys, and that a virginity was a rarety at +fourteen years old. I afterwards groped several young girls in those +dark streets, and there was certainly no obstacle to my fingers +searching their cunts. + +"I thinks I knows a steady little gal, whose mother's just died, her +father ain't no good, and you and Mary must ask her in; I can't have +nothin to do with it except gettin her here." One day afterwards she +told me she had asked the girl to tea, and that she was as curious as +could be to know all about it (meaning fucking). "She knows as much as +we do," said the old woman with a chuckle. "Was far as talking goes and +she would like to know as much as them as does it as well, but she is +timid; there is three of them, she is the eldest, the father leaves her +in charge, you shall see her." Mary Davis had gone home ill. The girl +was brought in, I sent out for gin, a nice little girl she was, and she +drank some of it. The old woman then left with a wink. The girl took my +kisses very well, never said a word, so getting on by degrees I talked +to her about naked people, and getting children, felt her ankles and +legs, then told her I would give her a shilling if she would feel my +cock. She did not say a word, but stood still, my arm round her waist, +whilst I pulled out my stiff prick. Then she bent forward curiously, +whilst I put her little hand round it, and guiding it, pulled the +foreskin down from the tip. Then I put my hand up her clothes, and felt +her thighs and bum; but on bringing my hand to the cunt, she broke away +in tears saying, "Oh! no sir,--I would rather not sir,--I'm much obliged +to you sir for showing it me, and the shilling; but I would rather not +sir,--oh! let me go, let me go,--Mrs. Smith,--Mrs. Smith." The old woman +was listening, and came in instantly. "Oh! what are you doing to +her?" said she in a whining tone, "what is the matter my dear?--don't +cry,--oh! you should not sir,"--and winking at me, away she went with +the girl; then came back, said the girl was scared, and she feared it +was no go. "But if you heared her talk, you would think she would let +any man do anything with her." + +Half-an-hour afterwards the girl had composed herself, and came back. +I had more gin, the old woman again left us, the girl had another +shilling, and again she felt me. I began talking to her about the +parsley-bed out of which children come, and generally on the subject of +generation and its working tools. "Now dear don't be alarmed (she seemed +as timid as a hare), you know what a cunt is?" "Yes," said she, "it's +a nasty word,--poor mother told father he was a beast cause he said it +when drunk." "Well my dear, something comes out of a man if he puts this +up a cunt, and that gets children,--lay hold of my prick, and you will +see,"--and guiding her little hand I frigged myself with it. But she +cried out when I attempted to feel her cunt, and I never had her. The +old woman said she was frightened to bring her again, that she and Mary +Davis might manage it together, and when Davis came back I wished her +to try, but she refused to have anything to do with it. The lech passed +away, for it was but a whim. At that time I liked large well-haired +cunts. + +I am anticipating, for this took place nearly two years after I first +had Mary Davis. That girl got fond of me, and I liked her. I got a +little better off, and used to give her more money; but she always took +what I gave her contentedly. The only thing I can remember out of the +common course of lecherous events in such acquaintances, is that I took +one for spending over her, used to fuck up to spending-point, then pull +out my prick, and frigging it, emit my semen on to her belly, breasts, +or thighs; then I began fucking again, almost directly I had discharged +and looking at my spunk lying on her flesh. When my pleasure came on +again, I would put her hand on to my spunk; and directly her fingers +touched it, it fetched me, and she as well, although she always said it +was a dirty trick. But I only did this a few times. I began also to use +French letters, for reasons she advised me to do so. + +The neighbouring streets were full of poor gay women. She heard that I +had been seen going into a house in the neighbourhood, and cried about +it. Her health got bad, her womb began to fall, and the doctor said she +was not strong enough for a gay life. She told me she was the daughter +of an under game-keeper, that a young tradesman kept company with her, +she liked him, and he said he meant to marry her. Bringing her home one +evening when she had got out on the sly, they felt each other's privates +on the road. Very soon after she and one of her sisters were allowed +to go to some village-dance. Her sister walked off with her sweetheart; +Mary's young man took her to some cottage, did it to her twice, and then +walked home with her. She did not know whose fault it was; his or hers, +for from the night they had felt each other, she thought of nothing else +till she had his prick up her. Her father found it out, she ran away to +London, became gay, and had never lived in any other house but the one +I visited her in. "Whenever I saw him after he had felt me" (her lover) +she would say, "I felt in a flurry all over, and could think of nothing +else, I longed to feel his hand on my thing again,--she soon did." + +She went home ill, came back, her womb got worse, she went to a +hospital, got thin and fretted, again went home, and I never heard more +of her. I had great pleasure in her society, it was my greatest solace +to tell her all my misery, for she was a complacent kind creature. It +was wonderful to see how clean everything was in that little square +room, yet with the exception of the fire-place, she cleaned everything +herself. At about two o'clock in the day she was dressed, and standing +at the door, to catch passers by. She never spoke to them unless they +spoke to her. She was to me at first a novel experience but I soon had +plenty of experience of the poor class of women in adjacent streets. + +I found it not wise to go into the streets well dressed, so put on old +things, drew my hat over my eyes, assumed a slouching gait, and walked +along slowly, talking to the women till I found one I liked. Their +salutation usually was, "Come here dear,--come and see what I have got +to show you." "What?" "Such a nice cunt,--such a lot of hair." "Such a +fat arse," would say another. "How much will you let me for?" "What you +like,--come in." "I have not much money,--let me look at your cunt for +a shilling." "Come in then." Another would say, "Make it two, and I'll +strip." Many a cunt I have seen for a shilling. If I did not like it, I +went further on, or into the next street. + +The street-doors were usually open, the women when dressed lolling just +inside them, with head out, but dropping back if they saw a likely man, +and addressing him as he passed in loud or low tones, according to their +cheek. If a woman I had had and expected to see was not visible, my way +was to step inside the passage, and listen at the door; if through the +key-hole I saw a light, or heard voices, there was business on. If in +the evening the outside shutters of the room were closed, I knew the +woman was engaged for a long time, perhaps her own man, a cab-man, a +costermonger, or some man of similar class was with her, if late. The +women there though about the same price, or cheaper, had quite different +manners from the Waterlow road ones. There were rarely more than one +woman in a house, and always on the ground floor, the landlord or lady +living in the back room, or upstairs. The rooms were mostly let to +working people, who seemed quiet enough. + +Lots of children were about, who played in the streets at day, but +disappeared if quite young towards dusk. If a man stopped and talked +to a gay woman at the door, the children of the house usually went in, +always did if more than about ten years old. They drew back as if they +knew that a bargain for fucking was to be struck, and I believe knew +all about it. They were mostly girls who sleeping in the same room with +their parents, I dare say had seen the game of mother and father played +often enough. The bigger girls frisked about the streets of an evening +with boys of the same age, or not much older. + +If a woman could get you to enter the passage, she almost pulled you +into her room. "Come in,--don't stand there,--come out of the way of +the lodgers,--I'll tell you if you come in,--well make it +half-a-crown,--I've got such a nice cunt,--such a fat arse,--feel my +bubbies,--look here,--come in, and let me feel your prick." + +This was all said rapidly, and according to the inducements the woman +had to offer. It generally ended in my going in, and the bargain was +completed inside. "I'll frig you,--do anything you like,--look here +(showing rapidly her breasts, and covering them up again),--here is a +big pair of legs (pulling her clothes up),--yes you may fuck me how +you like,--oh I yes I want to piss bad." I have heard this hundreds of +times. Once inside I never came out without paying something. The women +always said or did just enough to wet my appetite for knowing or seeing +a little more, so I paid, and often enough was disappointed, and left; +but saw a lot. + +In these streets about seven in number, during a period of two or three +years, I had many women, even whilst I visited Mary Davis. I dare say +fifty women I fucked, and felt as many more before I ceased going to +the neighbourhood. Two or three of the adventures there are alone worth +writing. At one house I was robbed of a pin whilst actually fucking the +woman. + +A tall broad-built woman of about thirty, was loll-at a door one night. +I do not recollect having seen her before, for I knew many women by +sight, even though I had not had them. She looked like a coster's wife. +I should have passed on, but for the lewd way in which her eyes met +mine. I stopped, she instantly looked rapidly up and down the street, +went back inside the door-way saying very loudly, "You want my lodger, +but she has left here," but as she said this, she stepped inside the +front room, and beckoned me in both with hand and head, her eyes wide +open, and looking anxious. Slowly I followed in. She was so big that I +thought I should like a feel, and if I liked that would pay more, and +have more. "I'll give you a shilling to feel your cunt." "Very well," +said she standing still, and not attempting to lift her clothes slightly +as most of the women used to do. I got my hand on her thighs, she pushed +it away, retreated towards the bed and sat on it. I took out a shilling, +and as usual put it on the mantel-piece. "There is the money,--let me +now." She no longer resisted, I felt her, and she opened her legs to +facilitate my groping. She put her hand on my shoulder. "Is your cock +standing?" said she in a whisper. "Yes feel it," said I unbuttoning. She +grabbed at it as if she meant to pull it off. + +Her manners struck me as uncommon, and I began to feel uncomfortable; +but under the squeezing of my cock, and the feeling of her cunt the +usual desire to leave one's sperm up her came over me. "Let me fuck +you,--I'll give you two shillings more." Without reply she fell back +on the bed, I began to throw up her clothes. "Oh! no I can't let you +do that." I had when with strange women just then been using French +letters, and the fear of infection came over me when she would not +submit herself to my inspection. "You have got something the matter with +you, and I shan't, I said. + +"Nothing of the sort," said she angrily, "I'm not gay,--I'm the +landlady,--I am married, and have three children,--they are abed in the +next room,--you may see them if you like. My lodger's gone,--you've been +here afore to see her,--I've seen you afore,--but I'm not gay, and can't +have anything the matter with me,--it's impossible." All this nearly +in a whisper. Astonished I laughed. "Don't make a noise," said she, +"I don't want the lodgers to know I am in this room, they know it's +empty,--come on," and grasping my prick again, she surrendering herself +more freely to my investigations. + +"Where is your husband?" "Away on a job in the country; I haven't seen +him for three months, and have not been touched for that time, so help +me God; you may do it without fear,--there then look, if you must," +said she, letting me throw up her clothes, and look well at her cunt, +which I opened. "I'm a quiet woman." Then she turned round, twisting +herself so that she could get hold of my cock as I stood pulling her +about. "Come on my dear." The next minute I was spending up her. + +"Go on, you were so quick,--go on," said she in spasmodic utterances, +jerking her bum, clutching me to her, and using the same endearments +as any other woman,--women are all the same, from the princess to the +peasant. I had spent quickly, but shoved on as well as I could, and in a +second or two with a sigh, her cunt relaxed. + +I moved out of her quickly, for fear of the ladies' fever haunted me +a little. She lay with her clothes up to her navel, till I had washed +myself. "There is no towel or soap," I said. Then she moved. "I'll get +you some,--but don't afear me,--hush!--don't make a noise,--wait five +minutes for me, lock the door, and put out the light." I stood aghast at +this request; it was in a low neighbourhood, costermongers, tramps, and +even a nest of thieves I had heard was not far off. "What the devil does +she mean?--what game is up?" came across my mind. "I won't put out the +light," I said. "Well hide it in the cupboard, lock the door, and if any +one knocks don't answer,--perhaps my late lodger's friends may come, not +knowing she has gone,--I don't want any one to know any one is in the +room." This was all said in a whisper; she went out, shut the door +gently, and walked to the back of the house, leaving her three +shillings. I heard her footsteps, and faintly afterwards the sounds of +talking in the back room,--the partitions in the poor houses were thin. + +I dried my tool with my shirt and sat on the bed, looking round at the +poor room, wondering what dodge was up. She did not return, and thinking +over the incidents, came to the conclusion that she was not a gay woman. +There was just that difference in manners, in getting on to the bed, +in taking her pleasures, and in her whole behaviour about the fucking, +which there always is between a woman however loose she may be, but who +does not fuck professionally, and the regular trader in her charms. I +saw it then, and I see it still clearer writing about it now. + +Nevertheless I began to think of leaving, feeling uneasy as she did not +return for more than ten minutes. With my hat on, I was just about to +run off, after hearing a man's footsteps pass along the passage, when I +heard a voice cry up the stairs, "Mrs. Brown, Mrs. Brown, I'm going out +to get a mouthful of fresh air,--if the children cry, will you see to +them?" A shrill voice replied, a female step passed my door, into the +street. A second afterwards the door slowly opened (I had unlocked it as +I heard what I supposed were her footsteps going along the passage). In +she came, holding up her finger for silence, then quietly closing and +locking the door, she stood smiling at me. "Don't make a noise, they +think I am out," she said. + +I looked fully at her now, my lust satisfied. She was a big woman of say +thirty years of age, coarse, common, but clean; she had a dress on which +opened in front like that of a woman who suckles, and some sort of cap +on her head. I did not know what to make of it, for she stood as if +waiting for me to speak. I did not, and taking the candle, she put it +down on the floor by the side of the drawers, or something of the sort, +and remarked, "They won't see the light through the crack of the door +now." Again a man's heavy footstep was heard. "That's my upstairs +lodger," said she when she noticed my listening. + +"You are really not gay?" said I. Then she repeated what she had said +before, and sat on the side of the bed by me. "You have big breasts," I +remarked. "Yes I was a fine woman, every one said before I married." It +is impossible to be near a woman without wishing to ascertain her hidden +charms. In the hurried embrace with her I had thought of nothing but +cunt. At that time of my life, to see a woman, to long for her, to make +my bargain, and to fuck her, was often an affair of not much more than +ten minutes; it was only after the fuck that I looked well at the female +I had pieced. + +"Let me feel them," I said. She hesitated, but I undid the dress, and +felt two breasts large and white, and pulled one out. "My nipple is +spoilt with suckling," said she, "I've not yet done giving milk." "Let's +have you again." "Yes,"--and she got on to the bed. "Let me see your +cunt." "Oh! no,--don't,--I won't." My suspicion came back; with my prick +out I still hesitated. "I've not washed myself since you did me," said +she. "Well wash your cunt." She took my basin, and washed herself. Then +I had a look at her cunt, and again fucked her. Lord how she enjoyed it, +and so did I, that big coarse woman; but she would not let me look long +at her belly, perhaps marked through child-birth. She had thickish, +lightish brown hair on her quim; it was a cock-squeezer too, and how wet +it got in our copulation. I remarked it to her. She said, "I'm wet, and +no mistake." + +I lay on her afterwards, my prick dangling against her cunt, and talked. +Her husband was an artizan away on a job, she kept the house, and let +lodgings; her husband was half his time away. "You've seen the girl who +was in this room,--I recollect you,--I've seen you in the street more +than once,--You've been with the woman opposite. I didn't mean anything +till you spoke and stopped, but I'd been dying for it, been wishing +almost I were gay; the gal opposite had just gone in with a man, and I +was wondering what my husband was doing, and just then you stopped and +looked, and I thought I'd let you. Do it again," said she slipping her +hand between our bellies, and grasping my bal-locks. And I did it again, +as soon as I could. + +"I've never had another man but you and my own man I'll swear,--ask in +the street, they will all say I'm respectable,--but don't tell on me. I +frig myself almost every day, if you must know, but that don't satisfy +me, a woman who's had three children,--if I'm in the family way now, I'm +in a mess, but I'm not so much to blame, am I?--think, three months away +from your own man I--but I tell you as you spoke to me I was a dying for +it,--the girl who was here in this room used to say, 'Well Mrs. ------ +you are a fool to pass your life almost without a you know what.' Well +I was a dying for it, and she and lodgers would always tell me what the +men did to them; and yet I never have had but you." So we lay talking +for a time, she answering my questions, and sometimes volunteering +remarks; but never leaving go of my prick, and every now and then +saying, "Ain't you a fine man!--you just are a fine young man!" + +There were noises at the street-door, men were talking, a smell of +tobacco reached us. "It's the upstairs back," said she, "he will +stop there till he have smoked two pipes, so for God's sake don't +leave,"--and she sunk her voice lower. "Oh! I must put out the light." +Saying so, off the bed she got, blew it out, and got on to the bed +again. There we lay quite another hour, speaking in whispers, feeling +each other's privates, never washing, the spunk drying up as our hands +fumbled about each other, I talking baudy, and telling her what +gay women would do, she telling me she knew all about it, for her +ground-floor lodgers were always gay. I asking questions about herself, +heard that my cock was about the same size as her husband's. Wondering +at the tightness of her cunt, as she had had three children, she said +that the size was the same as before she had had a man. If she got in +the family way she would be in a mess; she did not think she should, +as she had not quite done suckling. She did not know how she managed to +keep so firm and plump, for she had meat only twice a week. "What then?" +"Potatoes and herrings,"--did not know what she would do, if she did not +get another lodger soon to pay the rent,--she often could not pay for a +meal. + +About two o'clock in the morning there were lumping boots going +upstairs. The lodger had gone to bed. We lighted the candle, I washed +(there was still no towel), and no sooner had I washed than she laid +hold of, and kissed my prick, stooping to do so,--and then we fucked +again. + +We parted, she took my money. "I will keep this," she said, "it will +help me." I said it was for her. She let me quietly out, begging me +never to mention what had taken place between us to any gal in the +street. "Though they won't believe you if you do, for I have a good +character. I've seed you often go in with them." I had fancied no one +ever saw me in that low street, and wondered if any other person had +recognized me there. + +I never had her again. Once or twice I saw her at the street-door, but +so soon as she saw me she rushed in-doors, and I had too many fresh and +younger women at hand to care about her. Here was a case of a woman who +could not restrain herself, owing to the long absence of her legitimate +doodle, and gave way to her uncontrollable passions for that night. That +was the only conclusion I could come to. + +Then soon afterwards I had the clap. Mary cried, and declared she had +not given it me, and I am sure she had not. Then almost for the first +time I began to use cundums, or French letters, as they are called. +I did not like them, but had suffered so much from gonorrhoea, that I +carried them in my purse in readiness. + +My experience with this poor class of women was soon considerable. +Satiated, sick of them, yet I continued to frequent them for the simple +carnal pleasure of coition. There was no sentiment about it, no liking +for the women, for though their manners sometimes amused me, they more +frequently shocked me, and the poverty of some distressed me; but I had +no money for choicer entertainment. My vigor was great, my pleasure in +copulation almost maddening, a cunt was a cunt, and I got my pleasure +and relief up it, whatever its owner might have been. A sensuous +imagination aided me. When once my prick was up a woman she was for the +time more or less invested with charms, and her imperfections forgotten. +I used to shut my eyes, and fancy I was stroking a houri with the finest +limbs and ivory flesh, and could fancy all this up to the moment of +ejaculation, I fancied thighs and cunt which were not those of the woman +who was at that moment doing her best to please me. + +There were occasions when the women when naked revolted me, my prick +refused to stand, and I departed without copulating, but those occasions +with this class of women are not worth noting. I have been subject to +this sudden revolt and prostration, sometimes even when the woman was +most beautiful. Nervousness, fear, some sudden dislike, and even most +ridiculous reasons have caused it. + +I should have mentioned that gradually it had taken hold of my mind +that my prick was a very small one. How this notion first arose I cannot +quite trace, I certainly had it in a degree when a youth, and it became +stronger owing to the remarks of some French women. The men I saw +fucking at Camille's had very large pricks, and no doubt they were +selected on that account for exhibition; but I did not know that then, +and used mentally to compare mine with theirs, and also with those of +some of my former schoolfellows, and to my disadvantage. + +With many harlots of both high and low class I had talked about size; +each told me of men who had big pricks, rarely of those who had small +ones. Experience has since taught me that harlots like talking about big +pricks, for size affects their imagination agreeably. Of ridiculously +small ones they make mention for a laugh, the average sizes pass without +their notice. I used to ask them how mine compared with the big ones +they spoke of, and got at last into my head the erroneous opinion about +my own machine. At times I would produce it with an apologetic remark. +"My prick's not a very big one, is it?"--and was much pleased when the +woman's reply was complimentary. I know now from the inspection of many +men's, that mine compares very favorably with the average, and is larger +than most; but for many years I was of a very different opinion, and at +times was almost ashamed of my prick, so much so that when a woman said +it was as large as most, and many said that. I did not believe them, +still less did I believe them when they said it was a handsome prick; +then I thought they were hum-bugging me. + +Now as I add these few words written years after the foregoing, and +after having seen some dozens of pricks, both languid and erect, I know +what they said was true, and I know that there is a size, a form, a +curve, and a colour in pricks which makes some handsomer than others, +just as undoubtedly there are ugly and handsome cunts. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + + Irish Kate.--Drink, heat, fleas, and French letters.--The + bricklayer afterwards.--I give luck.--The lost breast-pin.-- + The cholera's victim. + +One hot night in summer I slouched along one of the streets, and stopped +in front of a woman who stood lolling against the door-post. I recollect +her and my first sensations perfectly well, her white face, and dark +hair hanging behind her in a net, her low dress, low in front,--showing +a luscious neck and bust as white as her face. Her dress was of a very +light colour, so her neck and face must have been white indeed to look +so white by contrast. The street-door was close to a street-lamp, which +shed a strong light on her face as it was turned upwards, and with +her hand and arms folded behind her she lolled, her back against the +doorpost. She was a full-sized woman, but young, and exactly what +pleased me then; black and white, young and full of flesh. I stopped, +and gazed at her. She fixed her eyes vacantly on me, but neither moved +nor spoke to me. + +There were gay women standing at doors not far off, common men also at +some stood smoking. They understood the habits of the neighbourhood, and +never took any notice when a strange man and woman talked together at +a door. I did not like to speak to a woman if others, or men were near, +and would at times walk about till the coast was clearer. But this girl +struck me with strong lust suddenly. "I'll give you a shilling to feel," +said I. No answer, but she kept staring at me. "Half-acrown then," +thinking my offer too small, and stepping inside the passage to get +out of sight. "Come in," I said. She made no reply, never took her back +quite from the wall; but turning herself round, continued looking at me, +her head slightly moving about as if she did not understand. + +Staggered at this behaviour I was coming out again to leave, but her +lovely look fixed me. "I'll give you five shillings," said I, "to have +you." "Have me," said she, "have me what?" Her voice was thick and +broken. She turned into the passage. "Will you let me have you?" "Come +and fuck," said the husky, thick voice. She passed me, stepped heavily +into the room, staggered to the bed, and then I saw she was drunk. I +had not noticed it before, being absorbed in her fleshy beauty, and the +desire to see her cunt, and all of her, and join my body to hers. + +There was a single candle in the room, fluttering, and needing snuffing, +but no snuffers. I snuffed it with my fingers. The room was in disorder, +the pot full, water in the basin, the bed unmade, the whole place the +picture of disorderly, drunken, harlotry. A nightgown was, lying on the +floor, clean linen on a little table. It looked so miserable, that I +thought I would go away at once, so took out five shillings, and laid +it down. "There is the money," I said, "I shant stop." "Come and fuck," +said she in reply, rolling on to the bed, and pulling up her clothes. +She had but a gown on, nothing else. Thighs and legs as white and fat +as her neck came into sight, and a thicket of hair at the bottom of her +belly as dark as the hair on her head. The sight altered my intention, +I walked to the bed, and placed my hand on her cunt. "Fuck me," she +blurted out in her drunken voice again. I felt wild with voluptuous +delight, as my eyes gloated on the big breasts and thighs to where her +garters and stockings hid the flesh from view. All was dazzling white +except a nearly crispy-haired cunt in the middle of it. The contrast was +exquisite, was absolutely dazzling. + +A strange train of ideas (how oddly they spring up at such times) came +into my head. "You've just had a man," I said, "your cunt's wet,--you've +just been fucked." "He ain't fucked me for three days,--we have been +a drinking gin, we have,--he paid, he hain't fucked me,--you fuck me," +said she making a grab at my prick which was buttoned up yet,--"fuck +me,--you shall fuck me." All this was said in a hoarse, drunken, +incoherent manner, but the "fuck me" with a sudden violent energy, as +if she suddenly felt a stinging desire to have her cunt stretched. +"Fuck,--I'm bloody randy,--where's your prick?" + +I took the light, pulled open her thighs, almost put the candle in +her cunt. She let me do just as I liked repeating, "Fuck me." She was +beautiful, her white firm flesh, her big round thighs, the lovely +globes of her arse would have excited the dead. "Pull off your gown." "I +shant." "You shall." I helped her up into a sitting posture, and +pulled it off in an instant. Then she fell back naked, showing peeps of +black-haired armpits. The next instant I was up her, and injected her. +How beautiful she seemed as I moved my prick up and down in that cunt, +spite of the drunken manner, and the miserable surroundings. + +A most violent letch for her took hold of me. The women in the streets +I have described had fine women among them, but for the most part they +were plain in face, indifferent in form somewhere, and hideously coarse +in manner; but the beauty of this woman was so great, I forgot all +her coarseness. When I came to myself after my pleasures, she was +fast asleep. She had perhaps spent, that and the liquor called gin +overpowered her, and she forgot her business. Then the biting of fleas +worried me for half-an-hour, I spent my time in hunting for them, and +scratching myself, snuffing with my fingers the only tallow candle, and +now and then holding it over her to look at her beautiful face, +naked body, and unwashed cunt. The heat was intolerable. To be cool I +gradually took off all clothing but my shirt, at last took off that, and +then sat at the edge of the bed naked. I pulled open her legs, each lay +just as I placed them, wide apart. I held the candle between her thighs, +and opened her cunt-lips. Masses of thick sperm lay over her cunt, and +hid the entrance of the prick-hole. I played with it as my baudy fancy +dictated, frigged her, dipping my finger in the spunk below, and +then rubbing it on to her clitoris till it was dry, twisted down her +cunt-hair till it was wetter, and played every trick which a lascivious +fancy dictated. Gradually I stiffened under this exciting amusement, and +throwing my naked body on to hers, fucked her again. God only knows if +she knew I was fucking her, or not,--I don't. She awakened after I +had spent, turned on her side, and when I tried to get her on her back +again, she swore. + +Whether the slight dozing had relieved her brain, or whether the fumes +of the liquor had evaporated, I don't know, but she soon became more +conscious, and though stupid, yet more awake. Her voice had still the +thick utterance, her answers still those of a person only partially +understanding what was said to her. I expect I had excited her passions +by my fingers, and not by what I said, for after awaking she again +blurted out, "Fuck me,--I want a fuck." A grab at my prick showed that +she knew where to find the means of giving herself pleasure, and I gave +it her. Then I dozed. + +Knocks at the door aroused me, and a shrill voice cried out, "Kate, +Kate." I listened, "Are you alone?" said the voice. I shook Kate, and +awakened her a little. "Some one is knocking at your door," said I. "Oh! +damn,--arseholes," said she turning on her side, and dozing again. + +"Kate,--knock, knock,--Kate, are you alone?--I'm going to bolt the +door,--they are all in," said the voice. + +Kate made no reply, I was dressing, so opened the door. "I'm here, and +am going directly." "Is she drunk?" said the woman. "I think she +is." "Do you know her?" "No." "Well I will leave the door open." "I'm +going,--wait." There lay Kate dozing. When dressed I said, "I have left +five shillings on the table." "Awake her," said the woman (for I heard +and saw it was one). "You had better." "Kate, Kate", sung out the +woman. I shook Kate, who turned, opened her eyes, and said, "Oh I +damn,--don't." "Come in," said I to the woman. She did, and shook Kate. +"Oh! arse-holes. She's been lushing for three days," said the woman. +"Mind there are five shillings," said I, and disgusted I left, resolving +never to go near the drunken beast again. + +But the woman had made a great impression on me. I was always, even +quite early in life, taken with a crummy woman, quite as much as with +a pretty face; and although so low a woman, I longed for her again, +and before many days sought her. It was on a blazing hot afternoon of a +summer's day, the sun shone brightly on the front of the houses on one +side of the street, the other was in shade. A street with perhaps a +dozen carts and wheel-barrows through it in a day, where children played +in the roadway, and women sat on the footways. I went along slouching on +the shady side, slowly looking, and not quite recollecting the number of +the house, and saw Kate sitting on a chair on the footway by her door. + +She looked up vacantly as I got close to the house, with that look which +a low-class woman has who thinks the man above her, and not likely to +take her. "Come in," I said turning into the open door, and she followed +me, bringing her chair. "I'll give you five shillings," said I. +"All right." "Take off your dress." "All right, but give me the five +shillings first." I gave it her. She began undressing, her gown off left +but her chemise. "You don't want my chemise off?" "No,--lay at the +side of the bed." She laid herself down, threw up her chemise, and +the lovliest pair of thighs, belly, and cunt that ever man saw were +disclosed. To look, to open its lips, and thrust my prick up her were +the work of a minute. I roared as I touched her. I am told by women +that at that time of my life, when thoroughly randy and I saw the cunt +I liked that I gave a low roar as I closed on it with my pego. Kate told +me that I did so this time, when my prick first neared her thighs. I did +not then talk when in a woman's embraces; but fucked in silence. + +I pulled out my prick, "Lay still,--keep your thighs open,--let's see +your cunt," said I trying to keep her in her position. "Oh! arseholes," +said she closing her thighs, and getting up, and looking at me. + +"Did you get your five shillings the other night?" said I, "you were +drunk." "Lor! are you the gent?" said she breaking out in a laugh, "I +didn't know you,--now I see you are like him,--yes I was lushy,--so +you've come agin.--Lor!" and she laughed. "How often did you fuck me?" +I told her. "Sit down, and talk," said she, and we both sat down on her +little cane-bottomed chairs. + +"So you fucked me four or five times,--I don't know if I spent or not, +damned if I do,--think of your lying there, and being bitten by the +fleas,--the room was washed out yesterday, there ain't no fleas now. +So you pulled me about,--what a beast, rubbing your spunk about on my +cunt.--but Lor! a cunt's the proper place for it." After a few minutes +similar conversation she suddenly said, "Let's fuck agin." "Well let's +strip," Off went her chemise without reply. Gloating over her I stripped +naked, and was soon on her, and up her. She had not washed. She enjoyed +it. How we hugged each other's nakedness! The first words she uttered +afterwards were, "You are a bloody fine fucker,--where did you learn to +fuck so well?" giving me a vigorous kiss, and squeezing her cunt up to +me as she said it. + +I washed, and wanting soap (she had none), she went to the door, and +called out for some. The woman brought it. Then there was no towel, +and again standing naked at the half-opened door, she called out to the +landlady to lend her one "I shant," said a voice, "you have now got +two of mine." "Oh! arseholes," bawled out Kate slamming the door, "the +bugger won't let me have one,--here dry your prick with my chemise, it's +quite clean." + +Kate stood naked looking at me as I rubbed myself dry with her chemise, +bending slightly forward, holding her fingers under her cunt. "What a +lot you've spent," said she putting down the basin with my water in it, +and beginning to wash. "That's not clean," I remarked. "Oh! it's all the +same spunk," she replied, and afterwards, "You may look at my cunt if +you like," and she threw herself on the side of the bed, thighs wide +open. She was faultless. I pulled a chair to the side of the bed, and +contemplated her cunt at my leisure. The dirty white blind down in the +window only just mellowed the light, it was as light as day, I could +have hunted crabs, had there been any in her motte-thatch. + +She asked me to give her gin. Some was sent for, then we sat drinking, +she taking it neat, I mixed with water. "Let's fuck," said she again, +and we fucked. More gin, more fucking, she was quicker to want fucking +than I was. It was getting dusk, then she said, "You're going, ain't +you? I want to make a few shillings to-night,--my rent's due to-morrow." +I gave her another five shillings, made her piss in the basin, and we +fucked again. I was fucked out, and at last she spent twice to my once, +our bodies were sticking together with sweat as we fucked. Then for +a few minutes we went to sleep. "You are a gent," said she, "I likes +you,--I hopes you'll come agin, and see me,--I likes a real gent." + +As I went out I saw a man standing on the other side of the road looking +like a bricklayer. Turning back after I had gone a hundred feet or so, +I saw him cross the road, and go into the house. I went back, the +street-door was as it always was, open. Stepping inside I heard a male +voice through Kate's door, a woman came out from the back. "Who do you +want?" said she. "Kate." "Oh! she has got a friend with her,--shall I +knock?" "No," I replied, and went my way. I didn't like the idea of +her having a working-man after me, or before me. I was not then a +philosopher, "But what does it matter?" said I, "a man's a man." + +I saw Kate next day, and told her she had had a man after me. "Yes +directly,--a chap I knows had been awaitin an hour, and he come in in +a hurry. 'I'm done', says I, but he would,--he's a rough un, and he'd +fucked me before you was at the end of the street." "Why you had not +washed your cunt." "No," she laughed, "the bugger went right into +your spendings,--he never knowed, and I had a good un of a cove +after him,--you brought me luck. I've got two new chemises, and four +towels,--let's fuck,--let's fuck," said she laying hold of me, and +unbuttoning my trows-ers. My balls hung over her bum in no time. + +I visited her at intervals for about a year. She had the whitest flesh I +ever saw, and was very beautiful in face; the hair grew exceedingly +low on her forehead, yet it did not disfigure her, from her neck to her +calves her form was perfectly voluptuous, but she had big feet, and her +hands were large. I could not bear to see her feet in great boots, and +when looking at her lovely form used to keep my eyes from them. Her cunt +was perfectly beautiful and small; black, white, and carmine were never +more exquisitely blended. + +She was revoltingly coarse in her talk, and even when sober her voice +was rough. That I did not like, but her language disgusted me. To +anything she did not like she said "arseholes," said it more frequently +than any other word until I stopped her. "Give me some gin," she would +say. "No you have had enough." "Oh! arseholes." Every body also was a +bloody bugger, or a bloody shit. She was lewd on me for a time, and made +me fuck her more than I wanted, but as I checked her foul language she +became indifferent to me. "Oh! I'm obliged to hold my tongue I suppose," +then she would sulk, and then, "Well let's have another fuck," and all +would be right till I stopped her foul tongue again. + +Half her time she was drunk. I would go there, not see her at the door, +then call out to the woman, "Is Kate in?" "Yes she's drunk, I ain't +seen her since the morning." Sometimes her door was locked, nothing then +roused her, and away I went. At other times she was in the bed, or +on it, and all but insensible. Several times I fucked her, put five +shillings in her pocket, and left without her knowing I had had her +until afterwards. + +I had now fits of timidity, and used French letters at times, even when +she was quite sure she was all right. One day when she was very drunk, I +had her with a letter on, and as my cock dwindled out I eased the letter +off it, and with my finger pushed it well up her cunt, and went away +without paying her. I should like to have known what she thought when +she found the French letter up her. I never alluded to it, and she never +did. Why I behaved so I don't know, it is a wonder to myself. That night +I had entered her room, and left unobserved by any one. + +When she was a little drunk only, she got spoony, and I could not get +away from her, she would lay hold of my prick, and keep to it. "I can't +do it again Kate." "Get on me, and I'll make you,"--and she usually did. +Then as liquor overtook her she ceased to wash her cunt after fucking, +would turn on her side, and go to sleep. I left her often snoring with +her cunt full, the money on the table. + +It always was a wonder that she kept such a beautiful skin and look, but +she did; and always was cool, fresh, and healthy-looking, even if she +had been drunk for twenty-four hours previously. Her breath and body +were as sweet as milk, yet she never had a bath as far as I know, but +performed all her ablutions in a little basin, throwing the water into +the street when she had done with it. I have seen her wash from head +to foot that way in a quart of water, and a wet rag, and when done she +looked like ivory. + +She was called Irish Kate, why?--I never knew, nor did she. She was not +Irish. + +I had words with her one day, having lost a diamond pin. She had been +pulling me about that night, but the same night I had been into a house +with two women, and had felt their quims. I offered more than the value +of the pin, but never got it back. After that I did not go near her +again for a long time, but at length so longed for her that I did. She +cried with joy, and kept me fucking till my back.was well nigh broken. + +Then I was for some time out of England. On my return, burning with +desire, I went one night to her house. She had died of cholera, which +was then raging. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + +Costermongers' children.--A small girl, mother, and mangie.--A French +letter fetched.--Young Gallows' exploits.--The customers' linen.--A +hard-fleshed bum.--Invitation to anus.--A strange letch.--One big +with child.--Fucked for a sovereign and pleasure.--A creole.--My +misery.--Reflections. + +Close by Kate's was a street with a carriage way, at one end narrowing +to a footway only. On one side a row of small houses, on the other a +very high blank wall. Costermongers' barrows and carts stood in the +carriage way at night; clothes-lines with ragged garments hung across +the street in the day. One dark night prowling about, cunt-feeling young +girls and baudying generally, I went up this street. I had been up it +before, and loved to hear the boys and girls chivying each other among +the carts, hinting baudiness as they caught the girls, and kissed them, +the girls squealing when liberties were taken with them. Occasionally +standing in the shadow of the carts, I listened whilst a man would +stealthily go up against the blank wall, a woman follow him. I would +stand feeling my prick till I saw them come away (in two or three +minutes usually), and rush into Mary Davis' or Kate's to get a relief +for my excited ballocks. There was but a feeblish light in the street, +and in one part of it none. + +As I passed I saw a small girl standing inside the door of a house, +and thought I would like the little one. Sometimes I wanted the biggest +woman I could get, sometimes the smallest. She took no notice of me, I +repassed, and there she still stood. "Is she gay?" I wondered, "she does +not look it." Lots of girls and women not gay stood in a similar manner +in those streets. Again I passed, and stopped. "Will you let me come in, +and give you a kiss?" "Yes sir," said she stepping back. + +I stepped in after her, one or two steps down. The room was below, and +entered direct from the street. A miserable place; on one side a +mangle, on another a poor dirty bed, a tile floor, dirty walls, wooden +furniture, all miserable. Had I known, I should have been horrified at +entering such a hole, but in my lust I thought of nothing but the young +girl, of the probable hairless cunt, of her little bum, her smallness +and freshness. She looked fifteen years of age, and was quite short. + +She closed the door, and looked. I looked at her. "I'll give you five +shillings." "All right sir." "Let me look at your quim." "All right +sir," said she getting on the bed. I pulled up her clothes, and saw +the little thighs, and the little cunt with a very small quantity of +lightish brown hair on it. How tight it was to my finger! I took the +guttering candle. "I'd like to fuck, but am frightened,--let me look +well at your cunt." "I'm all right," said she putting her fingers down, +and stretching open the lips, "quite clean indeed sir." "When were you +fucked last?" "It must be a week." "Arn't you every night?" "I don't +get the chance," still laying on her back, and stretching her cunt-lips +open, "I only go to the door quite late, when the neighbours have gone +in, cause they ain't gay close here." The house was the last in the +street where it narrowed to a footway. + +I raised her up, laid her lengthways on the bed, and put my pego into +her hand, but fear came over me, and it would not stand. "I must do it +to you, but play with it a little." She laid hold of my prick. "It's not +stiff." "No my dear, frig it." She began. "Do you like feeling a prick?" +"I likes feeling men's things," she replied, "they are such funny +things, first little, then big, then little again." + +"How old are you?" "Over fifteen, mother says." "Where is your mother?" +"In the back room,--look it's getting bigger, I did not think it would +be so big,--don't hurt me with your nail sir please," said she frigging +away clumsily, and when it was stiff leaving off, but looking earnestly +at my pego. I kept probing her cunt with my fingers, wondering at its +smallness. + +A desire came to make her youthful mouth utter baudiness. "Say cunt +dear." "Cunt." "Say fuck." "Fuck." "You know what fucking is?" "Putting +that into this," said she with a chuckle, "ain't you going to do +it?--I'm quite clean." "Let me look again." Again the little hand down, +and stretched the lips. I prepared for action, again fear seized me, and +down my doodle drooped. "No dear, lay still, and I'll frig myself over +you,--turn on your belly,--let me see your bum,--there that will do." I +put some spittle on her bum, and rubbed my prick against it, but longed +for the hole between her thighs. "Have you got a French letter?" "I'll +ask mother," said she going into the adjoining room. + +In came a woman of middle age suckling a baby. "She will fetch one, give +her the money,--make haste now,--never mind your bonnet,--run,--run. She +won't be long," said the woman to me. + +"Your daughter?" I said to the woman who stood suckling her baby, and +staring at me. "Yes sir." The baby took to howling. Swinging it about to +quiet it, she went on in a whining tone, "We are so poor, we are almost +starved, we are,--what was I to do for a living?--I've nearly lost all +since my husband's left me, and can't afford to keep a big gal like +that; if she will go wrong I can't help it, I can't send her out,--I +catched her with a young Gallows, and the mischief were done, it were, I +knowed it, and I knowed it would be, so I did,--I could not keep her in, +and the chap were allus arter her,--she must live, and she's better at +home doing that, than doing it away from me,"--and much of the same sort +in a whining, apologetic tone without stopping, without my asking. + +"Has she been gay long?" "Bless you sir, it ain't more nor two months +since I catched her with young Gallows,--he is in qued,--serve him +right; but he'll be after her agin when he is out, he will." "Where is +your husband?" "Oh! the vagabond's gone off with a hussey, and left me +with three children,--this here's the last. Drat you," said she shaking +the infant which would not leave off howling. "Oh! here she is." +The girl entered the house with the cundum, and the mother and baby +disappeared. + +The affair was not enticing, my cock was flabby again, but the little +wench's naked belly stirred and stiffened me. I prepared the letter. +"Did you ever see one before?" "Yes a gent had one here one night, but +he did not put his thing into it." "What did he do then?" "He blew it +out, and popped it off," said the girl. "Oh! you wet it,--let me see how +you do it,--does it not feel cold?--it's a nasty thing. Indeed I'm +all right,--gals has diseases from doing it I know, but I +ain't,--look,"--and again the girl distended her cunt-lips without any +modesty or affectation. + +Fearful, but (as often was the case with me and French letters), my cock +and the letter would not agree. My cock stiff without it, drooped its +head directly the wet flabby sheep's-gut touched its tip. At length it +was over my doodle, and shoved up the little cunt after much trouble. +"It don't feel nice," said the girl. A few shoves more, and I lost all +prudence, pulled it off, and drove my naked prick with such a thrust up +her little quim, that she cried out. Her cry of pain gave me pleasure, +and fetched me. + +No one can lay so close up to you as a thin girl, two stout people can't +stick together like two lean ones. As I came to myself the little girl +was wriggling under me. "Oh! dear, just as it was beginning to feel +nice,--why did you do it so quick?" "Do you want it?" "Oh! I do,--do +shove a little,"--and the little cunt squeezed itself up to my belly, +and wriggled my doodle in her. I accepted the invitation, the girl +spent, and I had a second pleasure up her, after I had pulled my prick +out for a minute or two, to inspect it. + +She brought me a basin, soap, and a napkin of beautiful quality and +white. "Ulloh! is this yours?" "It's something we had to wash and +mangle," said the girl. "It's a table napkin." "Yes sir." + +"Don't you make a living by washing and mangling?" "No," said she, +"we have lost our business, father ran away, took linen, and sold +it,--people won't trust us,--none of those who lost their linen,--others +don't know us. Thank you sir," as I gave her the five shillings, "we +don't have as much sometimes in two days." "Wash your cunt my dear." She +went out of the room, and came back saying she had washed it. I felt it, +and she had. Then I talked for an hour with her. + +I was curious. "Tell me who first did it to you." "I shant." "It was a +coster lad, your mother has told me." "She has not." "She has." "Yes +it was a coster I knowed, he's been locked up for a row, and break-ing +windows,--he is seventeen." "When did he first do it to you?" "I shant +tell you," said the girl laughing, "mother's listening, I know she is." +I had the poor girl on my knee, was pulling her pretty tight little cunt +about. "I'd like to do it again," said I. "You may, and welcome," said +the girl. "Ain't you fucked every night?" "No, I wish I were,--to get +money." "Where is the five shillings?" "Mother's taken it, she always +does." I fucked her again, gave her a trifle more, left, and never had +her after. + +Then I had a woman of a singular build: she was shortish, and had the +hardest flesh on her bum I ever felt, it was impossible to pinch it. +She was a very large bummed woman, it was quite out of proportion to +her size, so were her breasts. She was as near as I can recollect about +twenty, but had the form of a woman of thirty, her cunt was almost +hairless, and had no lips, the lappels and clitoris showed when she +was standing up with thighs closed; when her thighs were open her cunt +looked as if the lips had been cut off, she had lightish brown hair +and almost colourless eyes. Her room was ragged, and I always found her +cooking, she wore garters of ragged ribbon below her knees, and ragged +slippers. For all that I went to see her I suppose a dozen times, and +nearly always fucked her from behind, dog-fashion. The arse-cheeks were +so firm, that I delighted to feel, and slap them as I fucked; and spite +of her big bum I recollect no woman whose cunt I got further up in that +position, as I did hers. + +One day she said whilst I was fucking her, "I thought you were going to +try the other hole." I looked, and her arsehole was as plainly visible +in the rear as her split was visible in the front. I can't tell now +how it came about, but know we began talking about that hole, and its +pleasures. One night from talking I got to action, she said she would +like her bum-hole broached. Such things were not to my taste, but egged +on by her talk I tried; then she said she was afraid it would hurt, and +although we talked more than once about it, and she always asked me to +try, it always ended in nothing, and I avoided her soon after. + +In the next street a woman after I had done her said, "You have got me +in the family way." Something led to my remarking that I should like +to fuck a woman in the family way, and her saying that she knew one +who would be confined in a fortnight, a nice woman, a fine woman, her +sister, the wife of a mechanic, but badly off just now. I can't tell +what had made me take such a desire, but I said I would give a sovereign +to see her cunt and big belly, and fuck her, and would give five +shillings if she would get this for me, not believing she was a married +woman, or her sister, although the wench said so. + +Asserting that it was no gay woman, and that a sovereign would be a +great help; she would go and see about it, if I would wait. Returning +she said that if I would really give a sovereign her sister would let +me, but that I could not stop long, for fear of her husband. We went +into an adjacent street of poor houses, but evidently with a different +class of tenants. She entered one, I waited close by till she beckoned +me in, then I found a decent young woman with an enormous belly who +asked me to show her the sovereign first, then to give it to her first, +which I would not. She dallied, and put off the affair, and I thought I +was hum-bugged. At length she got on to a clean although humble bed, the +other woman pulled up her clothes, I smoothed her belly, and with much +trouble got her legs open, and tried to see her cunt. + +She resisted, but gave way under the persuasion of the other woman who +kept saying, "Do now,--what did you say yes for, if you meant no?--a +bargain is a bargain,--don't make a fool of me,--well if you are ashamed +now, you should abin afore," and so forth. At length I had had a good +look at her cunt. + +Then I longed for a fuck, indeed took a letch for it, pulled out my +prick, and asked her to let me have her. "Not she," said the sister, +"you have seen all, and must be off, her man may come home at any +minute." The big-bellied one was much more quiet, laughed, I took out my +sovereign, wetted it with my spittle, and balancing it on the top of my +prick, told her to take it off, which she did in a very clever way; for +instead of taking it off with one hand, she shut one hand against the +other, enclosing my prick and the sovereign too in her hands. Both women +laughed, and the gay one said, "Well Mary, you've had more than one +man's in your hand now at all events,--you'll never tell Jack I'll +swear,--now go sir,--her man don't like _me_ here, and he won't like +_you_, I'll swear." + +My letch overcame me, I forgot how poor I was, and would have given my +clothes off my back for a poke up the cunt beneath that hard big belly, +so asked her again, and stood with my prick out, both women laughing. I +prayed her to let me again feel, and she consented. She was then sitting +down, I had to put my hands up her clothes, and stoop to do it, my back +was to her so-called sister. She laughed, and looking at her sister +whilst I felt her, caught hold of my prick, gave it a grasp, and +immediately relinquished it. Her sister did not see this done. + +I dallied a few minutes with her cunt, and fancied that if the other +woman was out of the way the big-bellied one would be complaisant. So +I asked if there was good gin to be had. It was a bait that the sister +took at once. Yes there was. I gave her money to fetch gin, and to buy +a bun and a bottle of ginger-beer; a move to keep her out of the way as +long as I could. + +I had buttoned my trowsers up, and ceased feeling and asking; but the +instant she was gone, out I pulled my stiff-stander. "Let me fuck you." +"Oh! she won't be long." "I won't be a minute." I flew to the door, and +locked it, the woman got up from the chair; made no resistance, raised +her bum with difficulty on to the bed, opened her thighs and we fucked +in a jiffy. It seemed that I no sooner was cunted than we both spent. +I unlocked the door, and by the time the other woman returned, not six +minutes had passed. The two sat gin-drinking a few minutes, and then the +harlot and I left together. + +As I uncunted I whispered, "When your sister is gone I'll come back." +"Very well." The gay woman made off at the end of the street in the +direction of her house. Waiting a minute I returned to the big-bellied +one, who was at the door, we went in, and I locked the door. "My man may +be home at any minute," said she, "so we must be quick." I threw her on +the edge of the bed again, her cunt was still covered with my sperm, and +turning her arse towards me we fucked dog-fashion. She enjoyed it. +The instant my prick was out I was off. I never saw her, or her sister +again. + +Both women were tallish, and spoke with a strong Northern accent. I +quite believe the one with the swollen belly was not gay. + +These are the most noticeable events which occurred during the period of +my narrowest means. In that time I must have seen the privates of fifty +women, and copulated with nearly that number. Had it not been for their +pleasures, coarse as they were, I think I should have made away with +myself, so miserable was I. How I accommodated myself to the class I +can't imagine; for although a few were nice, prettyish, healthy women, +the majority were low coarse creatures, living in poor single rooms +which were often not clean; but both rooms and women were as good as +could be expected for the few shillings I gave for their pleasures. + +My strong animal wants carried me through, and added to that perhaps was +a certain amusement in noticing the difference in manner between them, +and the highly paid Bonarobas, whose silks, satins, and laces I had +helped to pay for at the rate of a sovereign an hour, and often higher. +Besides as already said, my imagination helped me. When my prick was +up one of the ill-favored ones, and I was clasping a flabby backside, +I used to shut my eyes, and fancy some charming creature whom I had had +elsewhere. I cultivated these dreams in copulating. + +Up to this period I had tailed a neighbourhood of free cunts, as far +as trifling sums would get them me. A shilling a feel, or a look at +the nudity, and for half-a-crown to five shillings at the outside for +complete enjoyment was a tariff generally accepted. + +Then a remnant of my former fortune which had been in litigation was +settled in my favour, and I had a little ready money. Immediately I +left off frequenting the poor Doxies of whom I have told, and went to a +higher class, in a better neighbourhood. My money was soon gone, for I +had debts among other things to settle out of it. Whilst it lasted I +had some very nice women, among whom I shall always recollect a tall, +superbly shaped creole, with dazzling white teeth (a feature in women +which always has had a great attraction for me), and who was one of the +most voluptuous women in her embraces I ever yet have had; but she was +plain almost to ugliness. In the rest of my amours there was nothing to +need special notice, they were all fugitive, and the women were changed +frequently. + +It is difficult to narrate more without divulging my outer life. I would +fain keep that hidden, but it is impossible, I shall however tell as +little as may be and obscure it, but without falsifying or distorting +any facts relating to my amorous pranks, some of which were not sought +by me. I fain would have led a steadier life, and wished a home with a +woman I could love; but I had an unquiet home, and a woman there whom +I hated in bed and at board. I tried at times to overcome my antipathy, +abstained from women for weeks at a time, so that sexual want might +generate a sort of love, but it was useless, without reward, and a life +of misery was before me. I broke out under it, wonder I did not break +down, and should have done so, had it not been for whores. Cunt came +to my rescue, and alone gave me forgetfulness, a relief far better +than gambling or drinking, the only other alternatives I could have had +recourse to. + +And now I pass over a short period, in which I did much the same as I +have just written of, until a lucky sympathy brought me a happier change +in my amours. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX. + + My home life.--Heart-broken.--In the parlour.--Maid Mary's + sympathy.--Don't cry master.--On the sofa.--Both in lust.-- + Impotent. + +I was still poor, but had got into an employment, and was living in a +small eight-roomed house. I kept one servant only, but was pinched to +keep up appearances. None of the outside world could have known how much +I was pinched. I went home regularly, sat for hours by myself reading, +brooding, fretting, and even crying bitter tears, at the time I take up +my narrative. + +Our servant was named Mary. A tall woman about twenty-one years of age, +splendidly built, stout of form, and with big breasts and haunches. Her +face was lovely, her eyes almost the most beautiful hazel I ever saw, +its expression dove-like, her complexion as clear and bright as a rose. +She looked as if she ate three meals a day, shit regularly, slept eight +hours, and was fucked nightly, and was in brief a most lovely creature, +and the picture of health. She had a mouth filled with lovely teeth, one +of which was missing, and showed its absence when she laughed, it was +the only defect visible about her. Another handsome woman whom I have +had since, had also lost two front-teeth, which showed in a similar +manner, but that lady always smiled, and rarely laughed, so as to avoid +showing the defect. False teeth were a rarity in those days, and quite +beyond the means of poor people. + +She had been with us about three months. There was mystery about her, +like a former servant of my mother's, she scarcely ever wanted to go +out. At times we heard her singing, at others sobbing, and it used to be +remarked that she was moping. I thought my wife knew more about her than +she said, but to her I spoke as little as possible about anything. Mary +was an indifferent but willing servant, was said to have come from the +country, to have been living with an aunt a short time in London, and +that ours was her first place. She was with us pretty well worked and +scolded, but not by me. + +I had been struck by her beauty and her ways, which were winning, +friendly, and unlike a servant's, yet without being presuming, and I was +as kind to her, both in manner and word as I dared to be; but I had +been annoyed and suspected for speaking kindly to servants, and to avoid +strife was cold, even harsh to them in manner. Mary was witness of +the sullen domestic misery in which I lived. I had seen a pained, +sympathetic glance at me at times when she heard our wrangles, and was +confident that she pitied me. + +Nevertheless I had no sensual intentions towards her, holding it as +fitting carefully to respect my home, whatever I did out of it. I might +have thought about her hidden charms and probably had had that tingling +in my prick which a pretty woman often gives a man however virtuous he +may be. But it went no further. + +My last clap may have made me abstinent, or want of money had, or +perhaps other motives which beset a man who wished a different order of +things in his home affected me, for I know that for weeks I had barely +had an emission, excepting by nocturnal dreams; and though dying for a +genial fuck, yet avoided it, and worked at my occupation to get money +and forget my troubles. This woman changed all my resolves, and launched +me again into sexual pleasures. I may remark also, curious as it may +seem, that instead of fattening, and getting strong by abstinence, I got +just the reverse. Every time I spent involuntarily on my night-shirt, +I awaked fatigued, agitated, nervous. I lost appetite, got thinner and +thinner, and more and more miserable the less I had women. + +One fine summer's afternoon I came home before my usual time, it was +about four o'clock P.M. Mary opened the door, she was alone in the +house. I went to my room, then came down into the parlours, and for a +time sat there looking into my garden and smoking. Grief overcame me as +I looked round at the home in which there was no one to welcome me, so +I walked into the garden, and saw the maid doing some work at the back +kitchen door. "Your mistress is out?" I had never on any day asked that +before, as far as I can recollect, not caring to know; and she might +have been upstairs. "Yes sir." "Did she say when she would return?" "No +sir, but it will be I dare say about the usual time." "When is that?" +"Half-past five, or six o'clock, perhaps later." I again turned down the +garden, and as that did not relieve my dullness, returned to the house. +I could not read though I tried, sat down on a chair by the dining-room +table, laid my head on my hands upon it, and thought of my unhappy home +till I cried bitterly. + +A hand laid on my shoulder, a voice said, "Don't you take on so +Master,--don't you now,--she's not worth it,--cheer up,--don't you take +on so." I looked up, it was Mary looking full at me, her eyes full of +tears. + +I started up astonished. "I beg your pardon," said she looking +uncomfortable, "I couldn't bear to see you so unhappy." Her interest in +me struck me to the heart, without premeditation I threw my arms +round her, pressed her mouth to mine, it unresistingly met it, and we +passionately kissed for two or three minutes; kissed till I recovered +my senses, my tears still running down, and then said, "Mary you +_are_ kind,--you are a dear, good girl,--a good, affectionate, loving +creature,--I am unhappy, miserable, but how do you know that?" "How +could I be off of knowing?--how could you be anything else with +her?--but don't take on so Master,--she beant worth it,--and you so +good, and so kind,--I hate her when I look at her, and then look at you. +Oh! I beg your pardon sir,--don't say anything,"--and as if astonished +at herself, she disengaged herself, and stood looking at me. I closed +with her again, folding her tightly to me, and we kissed till we could +kiss no longer. My tears fell on her face, and hers ran down my cheeks, +so close were they together. + +The parlours divided by folding doors mostly open, ran from back to +front. A sofa was close by the dining-table. "Sit down," said I. She +did. I put my arm round her neck, pulled her face to mine, and kissed +again that divinely pink and velvety cheek. Then her arm went round my +waist, and lips to lips, each instant we kissed, and sat and talked of +my miseries; yet as far as I recollect not the slightest desire to have +her had then come into my head, all was delight at my trouble being +shared, at a kind, soft, pretty woman commiserating me. + +After long talking and kissing, and looking at her, a sense of her. +great beauty suddenly struck me, just as if I had never noticed it +before. I recollect telling her so. + +Then a thrill of desire shot through me and staggered me. I trembled as +the want overtook me, and drew her closer to me, kissed more fervently, +and sighed. She sighed. My lust had kindled hers, and yet I had not +spoken of it. My hand went on to her knees, I felt the thighs gently, +felt their plumpness through the summer clothing, slowly my hand dropped +lower kissing her all the while, and bending her forward with me, as I +bent forward, with my dropping hand. + +A long pause. I scarcely knew why, and then my hand went still lower, +till it touched her ankles, still kissing her, and bending her with me +(oh! how well I recollect it), then my right hand went quite slowly +up her clothes to her knees, and there I stopped, frightened at my +advances. Opening her eyes she gently repulsed me, and murmured, "Oh! +Master,--Master,--what are you doing,--pray don't." Her eyes were filled +with soft passion, her resistance physically would not have moved a +butterfly, but morally she affected me. I became conscious of what I was +driving on to un-premeditatingly. + +I desisted, removed my hand, but passion now controlled me. I kissed +again. "Let me feel, oh! let me dear feel you," bending her forward +with me, I replaced my hand. "Oh! Master pray don't,--think what you +are doing,--of who I am," said she lovingly. "Oh! I won't," said she +sharply,--but too late, my fingers were on her clitoris, I had begun +that gentle twiddling which always ends in fucking. "Oh!--no,--oh!-- +pray." Voluptuousness had overcome her, her mouth was glued to mine, her +eyes fixed on mine; gently they closed, then opened, always looking +into mine. Her breathing was short, she was past thought, she was mine. +Gently pressing her back on the sofa, she raised her limbs, I lifted her +clothes, and tearing open my trowsers threw myself on her. My fingers +for an instant touched her cunt, a rapid probe, and then my prick! My +God! it was not standing, not a bit of swell or stiffness was in it, it +was as a sucked gooseberry, a mere bit of dwindling, flexible, skinny +gristle, a piece of loose, flabby flesh, and nothing more. + +I had been occasionally, but rarely suddenly unequal to love's duty +as already told, had gone home with gay women, my prick standing as I +entered their houses, then suddenly it had shrunk, something about them +having upset me. Occasionally it was a sudden fear of the ladies' fever, +or something looked less inviting when their petticoats were off, than +I had imagined when drapery hid their charms, or else the fear that my +prick would be thought small. At other times I could not account for it +at all. I told my doctor of it. He said that it was nervousness, but the +knowledge that I had once been so affected, affected me often afterwards +when I went indoors with girls. "Shall I be able to fuck?" I used to +think, I who had already fucked two hundred women. But so it was, a fear +of inability brought on inability. The power often returned to me a few +minutes afterwards, yet sometimes not for hours. + +There was nothing to account for it now, I had more or less abstained +for weeks, there lay one of the choicest female forms ever presented +to man's eyes, a dark-brown crispy-haired cunt with a tiny bit of pink +clitoris showing between a large pair of thighs like ivory, and a sweet +face above turned on one side with eyes closed, and blushing a yielding +up to me. And I liked the woman, felt mad for her, yet as my prick +rubbed against her pleasure-pit, it became useless. I got up, looked at +her as she lay motionless with thighs extended, stood almost frantic, +frigged my prick, probed her, and again threw myself on her as I +stiffened; but no sooner had my prick touched her beautiful cunt, than +as if bewitched, it shrunk from entering it, I could not even thumb it +up. + +I broke into a sweat. "My God what will she think of me?" I dreaded +to get off, and look her in the face, feeling so ashamed, I kissed her +taking her head in my hands, again got off, kissed all round her cunt, +and smelt its inciting aroma, asked her to be still, said I should be +all right directly. So time wore on, she never moving excepting to push +her clothes down as I rose and exposed her, nor opening her eyes, nor +uttering a word. "My God what is the matter with me, I don't know but I +can't," I said at last. Then she put quite down her clothes, and sitting +up on the sofa gave me a kiss, said, "I must go, and see about laying +the things for dinner," and off she went. + +I did not stop her, but was glad when she left the room, being so +ashamed that I could not look at her. It was a relief not to have to +speak, to excuse, to explain. I was reeking with sweat from exertion and +nervous anxiety sat thinking and frigging, felt sensation of pleasure +without stiffness, and only stiffened after half-an-hour's rubbing. With +prick out and in hand, downstairs then I went, she was boiling potatoes. + +"Mary come up, come, I am all right,--let me." She would not. "I can't +Master, I can't,--what will Missus think if she finds nothing ready?" Nor +could I induce her. I incited her by talk, she kept on ejaculating "oh!" +to my baudy remarks, and blushing like a rose; but I could get no more. +"If Missus comes home, and sees you through the area, what will she +say?--Pray go up Master." Yielding under the fear of being surprised, at +length up I went to the parlour. + +I knew she would be up to lay the cloth, waited in the parlour till she +did, keeping my prick in hand, and trembling with anxiety. When she +had laid it, "Now," said I, "look here." "No,--no,--no,--Missus may be +home,--pray think of me." But a stiff prick close to a randy woman is a +great persuader. "Come dear, come," and I pulled her. Again she was down +on the sofa, again that divine belly was under me, again as I opened the +lips of her cunt my prick dwindled to nothing. "Hush! there's Mistress' +step,--there is the front-gate slamming. Get up,--get up, oh! let me +get up." Upstairs I rushed to my own sitting-room as I heard a knock at +the door, and had only time to button up my disgraced doodle before I +heard the woman tramping upstairs to our bed-room above. How I loathed +her! + +Half-an-hour after that I sat down to dinner, having composed myself. +Mary brought up the dishes. The instant I saw her my cock stiffened, +it kept stiff all the evening, I could not sleep for it, was tempted to +fuck, or frig myself, but did neither, feeling sure I should have Mary, +and would not spend a drop of my sperm till I did. "What does she think +of me?--will she believe I am a man?--will she let me again?--when shall +I get the chance?--what enervated me so at the critical moment?--oh! my +God if she lets me, and I am seized so again, what shall I do then?"--and +so on ran my thoughts. I lay planning how to get her the whole night, +and awakened haggard and unrefreshed in the morning. + +Then I reflected less nervously. "My finger has been up her cunt," I +thought, "no pain, no recoil,--how quiet she laid,--then she has been +fucked before,--then what must she think of me?" and so on ran my +thoughts till I was in an agony of disgrace. My haggard look was +noticed. I was worried, and should not be home to dinner. "Why?" That +was my business. Well then she would spend the afternoon with Mrs. +-------- would I fetch her? Yes at half-past ten o'clock. She wanted to +come home earlier. Then she might come by herself. Well then she would +wait for me till half-past ten. + + + + +CHAPTER XX. + + The next day.--On the door-mat.--On the sofa.--On her + belly.--Eight hours fucking.--At a brothel.--An afternoon's + amusement. + +Instead of being late I went home about two P.M., just after luncheon +time. "Is Mary alone, or not?" I thought, and had arranged for that. I +waited in a cab, told a boy to take a letter to No.--but not to give it +unless the lady was at home; if she were not, to bring it back to me, +and he should have a shilling when he returned to me. If asked, he was +to say he had been told to leave it, but not to say by whom. The letter +was properly addressed, but inside was a sheet of blank paper only. Back +he came with the letter,--the lady was out. + +Even then I was not sure, so drove up and down two or three times in +front of my house, to see if I could discover any signs of Mary not +being alone, and then I dismissed the cab. My prick had been standing on +and off all day, I was in a fearful state of nervous erotic excitement. +When I thought of her beautiful belly my prick nearly lifted me off the +seat, the next minute I had fears of being taken as I had been the day +previously. Would she let me now?--would she be in the mood?--would she +not laugh at me, instead of putting her arms around my neck, and her +eyes fill with tears? My heart beat audibly with these tumultuous +thoughts as I knocked at the door. To my horror I felt my prick +shrinking as I stood on the landing feeling it through my trowsers +pocket. + +Mary opened the door, surprise in her eyes, and a slight look of fear. +"You sir!" "Is your Mistress in?" "No sir." To step inside, close the +door, place my arms round her, and kiss her rapturously was the work of +an instant. She kissed me, and I her for a minute, and glory to God +my prick was like a rod of hot iron standing up against my belly, and +throbbing to emit its juices up the dear girl's cunt, against which its +poor little tip not twenty-four hours before had dangled and rubbed so +uselessly. + +A stoop, a struggle. "Adun now--Master,--you shant,--oh! you musn't," +and again I was upright, my lips on her sweet lips, my finger on her +clitoris, her face scarlet with modesty, her eyes closed. What woman can +long withstand that irritating, voluptuous, restless movement, of the +male finger on her cunt? Soft words now, "Oh! don't," as I stooped down +to lift her petticoats, and she pushed them over my hand. Another slight +struggle, again our lips meet, again my finger rubs the smooth clitoris, +now her hand grasps a hot prick, and with her lips to mine she +stands with her back up against the wall of the passage close to the +street-door on the door-mat. So we stand kissing and feeling, I don't +know how long, for who can count time in such delights. + +"Come to the parlour, come." "No, no,--oh I pray." I edged her along, +one hand still up her petticoats, she trying to push them down. "No I +won't,--there now." "Do Mary dear,--let's do it,--I'm a man,--let's do +it,--look, look how my prick throbs for you,--it will spend." Removing +my hand from her cunt, I seized hold of both her hands with mine, and +began gently dragging her along the passage to the parlour, she leaning +back gently resisting, I leaning back tugging her, my prick red-tipped, +stiff, and throbbing standing out in its randy glory between us. + +I got her into the parlour, a flood of sunshine struck full on us from +the back window as we did so (windows both back and front in the long +room). There she seemed half unconscious. Kind of heart, pitying, +liking me, her splendid healthy physique, her fully-developed passions, +passions of which she had tasted the full pleasure, but which had been +for a long time ungratified, were roused to intensity by the feel of my +prick, by my groping her cunt, by the excitement of the position; all +had relazed her nervous system, and absorbed her in voluptuousness. +What did she think? Did she think at all?--did she ever know? How can +I recollect what I thought in that maddening moment of fierce desire to +have her? I grasped her round the waist, and pushed her to the sofa. No +resistance, not a word was said. My arse knocked hard against the table, +and hurt me. She is down on the sofa, her petticoats up, I see the +creamy flesh, large round thighs, the dark hair on her cunt for a +second, I am on her, up her, a slight sob as my prick goes up with the +thrust of a giant, and we are spending in each other's embraces, mouth +to mouth, belly to belly, prick to cunt, ballocks to bum-cheeks, almost +the instant I had covered her, and grasped her smooth fat buttocks. I +have no sense of time, all is oblivium and elysium at the same time. + +Our sighs of pleasure are over, there is no uncunt-ing, no stopping; +but with rigid prick still up to its roots in her cunt, on again we +go fucking in earnest. Now is the higher pleasure. The first was a +maddening desire for each other, a fuck finished before it was begun. +Now we are fucking with soft pleasure, and the thoughts of the greater +pleasure to come, of my spunk to spurt, of her juices to ooze to meet +it, in a cunt already flooded. I recollect smoothing her hair back from +her forehead as I fucked, of kissing and meeting her tongue with mine, +and spending with rapture, then waking from a doze, and finding her half +asleep, I on the top of her, my cock still up her. My trowsers not let +down had ridden up, and were cutting me tightly under my balls with a +painful sensation, and all this was on a narrowish sofa, a modern cheap +bit of furniture unlike the grand big one in mother's house, on which +many a servant had had her cunt basted by me. + +She lay with her beautiful head on one side, with eyes closed, with her +long hair falling loose, and her cap tumbled off. As I lay I loosened +my braces, and little by little took the strain off my testicles, and my +balls fell down into their natural position. I put my hand down to feel +how my prick lay, the sperm was oozing out all round it. I wanted to see +her quim, and pulled out, then putting my hands against the sofa-squab, +I pushed myself gently up, rose on to my knees between her thighs, and +looking down saw the sperm between her cunt-lips. + +She opened her eyes, pushing gently down her clothes; but the glance had +been enough. With prick still stiffish down I fell on her, and was up +her again in the twinkling of an eye, lodging my prick in preparation +for another fuck. + +Now all is clear, our lust assuaged. "I've fucked you,--I'm a man you +see," I cried triumphantly. She closed her eyes, my prick came out, +I pushed it back, again out, again up, and so on for a time. A long +business was fucking now, long friction, no result, then a long rest, +our genitals joined, their hairs glued together, yet no fear of a +failure. My machine went on ramming, moans of pleasure at length came +from her, her hands clasped me tightly, and with a heave and cry of "Oh! +my darling," she again spent with me, my prick aching with its labour of +love. + +Then I dozed an instant on her, she seemed asleep, I was squeezed +uncomfortably next the wall, my prick satisfied with its duty, at the +first movement left her cunt. I moved her to get off, my trowsers had +dropped to my knees, entangled my legs, and I gently fell on to the +floor, catching at her outer thigh, and pulling it off the sofa as I did +so to break my tumble. Up she sat dazed, her petticoats above her knees, +I at her feet, looking intently where her closing thighs hid the seat of +our pleasures from me. + +"Oh! my gracious!" said she starting up, and letting down one +front-blind quite, and half of the other (there were two windows that +side of the room). The brilliant sun had lowered, and came into the room +in a flood of radiance from the Back-window, and the room was light and +bright throughout its long and narrow length. Although in a very wide +street, the neighbours from the houses opposite could easily have +seen right into our room, could have seen us on the sofa. Usually when +sitting in the room at that hour of the day, we kept down the blind +of the back-window to prevent this. Worse than that, the steps to the +street-door were so close to, one front-window, that by stretching +forward (very much it is true, but I had done it), any one could see +into the room, even on to half of the sofa on which Mary and I had been +amusing ourselves. What an awful risk we had run. + +We looked at each other anxiously. "Oh!" said she, "if any one saw us!" +I looked through our blind. Every blind in the houses opposite was drawn +down to shut out the sun. Then I sat by her side, did nothing but look +at her for a time, so delighted and satisfied was I at having vindicated +my manhood, until she rose to go. That aroused me, and I stopped her. + +"Let me go." "No." "If Mistress comes home--" "She won't." "She may." +"No,--I've fucked you,--you thought I was not a man, did you not?" "Do +let me go." "Come up again then." "Well presently." "You are going to +wash your cunt." "Hush Master." "You shant go." "Now let me." "Kiss +me then." We kissed and kissed. Could I do it again? The idea of her +moistened cunt inflamed me, I pulled her back, thrust my fingers on to +her cunt spite of her resistance, and never shall I forget the feel +of that and her thighs. "It's dirty of you," said Mary, and disengaged +herself she rushed downstairs. I followed her into the back-kitchen, +were she washed her quim in a wooden bowl, but did not dry it. I chaffed +her, then we went into the front-kitchen, sat down, and looked at each +other without speaking, like two amorous cats, she blushing, and turning +down her eyes as if she guessed what was in my mind. At length I blurted +out what was there, I always did it till much later in life, and I had +grown wiser. "You've had it done to you before to-day." "Oh!" said +she starting up, then sitting down again, and bursting into tears, "Of +course I have,--poor fellow,--poor fellow,--why did he leave me!" + +Embarrassed and sorry at such a consequence of my speech, I tried a few +words of comfort. She dried up her tears, and began her household work. +I followed her about, talking, kissing, and putting my hand up her +clothes, until in due time we adjourned to the parlour, and then again I +fucked her, this time on the hearth-rug, the sofa-squab under her head, +the sofa was too small for comfort. + +Time was before us, all seemed delicious, the domesticity of the amorous +amusements, the passion with which she returned my embraces, her +modesty and enjoyment were all so like the days when I fucked my mothers +servants. The difference between her sensuous embraces and the matter of +fact fucking at five shillings a head I had been so long accustomed +to, overwhelmed me with gratification. We had tea. Then as I had had no +dinner, and there was none for me, I ate bread and cheese, and opened a +bottle of port-wine, and in an hour we fucked again, and again. At nine +o'clock she had supper, and we fucked after it. She sat on my lap, I +played with her cunt, she with my prick, and we kissed till our lips +were sore. But nothing would induce her to let me see her limbs, nor do +more than feel her cunt, and take my pleasure in it. + +From two in the afternoon till ten at night was I feeling her quim, +kissing, and fucking. We were both exhausted. I got into bed intending +to say I had come home ill, took a pill to open my bowels, and begged in +a pot that night to keep up the sham (there was no closet in the house). +As the street-door bell rang I was in my night-shirt, standing by +her side, trying to frig my prick up to standpoint. In bed I jumped, +downstairs bolted she. In ten minutes it was, "Don't make that noise, +I have a billious headache." I never closed my eyes that night, could +scarcely believe what had occurred, and tossed and tumbled, thinking +of the pleasure I had had. Though we had been nearly eight hours doing +nothing else, it seemed not an hour. How often I fucked her I don't +know, it seemed as if I was at least half of the eight hours up her +cunt, which is absurd; but it was one of my greatest feats in the +fucking line, the longest and most pleasureable. + +Next morning, haggard, jaded, worn out, the billious attack got the +credit of it, I laid abed all the morning, and went out late. When at +business I fell asleep, unable to work, came home at about the same time +as on the previous day with no idea of chance favouring me, but it did. +Mary was alone, and we fucked as hard as we could. She laid the cloth +and dinner-things my sperm dripping from her cunt. I had just spent up +her as the street-door bell rang, buttoned up my trowsers, turned on my +side on the sofa, and shammed sleep. "Is your Master home?" "Yes Mamm, +he seems quite ill." "Where is he?" "On the sofa, fast asleep I think +Mamm." Again the billious attack had all the credit of it. I had pulled +down the blinds which covered the window through which the room could be +partly seen from the landing outside. Five minutes after I was sitting +at dinner with the smell of Mary's cunt on my fingers, my prick sticking +to my shirt, for I had never washed it, nor piddled since it had left +Mary's body. + +Luck helped me for a day or two. The illness of a relative took the +other person interested in this out of the house at unusual times, and +Mary and I did all we could in an hour or two. It was more exciting now +than ever to see a woman bolt downstairs directly she had been fucked, +to cook potatoes, or to eject me from her cunt, and leave the fuck +undone, because there was a ring at the bell. It was old times come +again, but with greater risk, more serious consequences if found out, +yet with greater zest and enjoyment. + +Then luck ceased, the house was never left, and all I could get was a +stray kiss, and a slight feel of her quim. But oh! the delight of +that rapid feel round the warm, smooth bum and thighs, and the push up +between the warm, moist cunt-lips when I got it. + +Then came her holiday. We went to a baudy house in E.. t. r street. +She had a large paper parcel in her hand when I met her. "What's that?" +"Cherries,--I know you are fond of them, so bought some." + +What a jolly afternoon we spent. Although I had had her many times, she +had not willingly let me see her person, I had had glimpses, and no more +now. In a trice she had stripped to her chemise, I to my shirt. What +lovely breasts, what splendid limbs, what thighs and arse-globes. In an +instant I was on the bed with her. After a fuck we fell fast asleep, +she had done so similarly at my house on the sofa, and on the floor. She +always did after a spend. I never met such a woman in that respect. As +regularly as she copulated she went to sleep after, and said she could +not help it. When awakened she asked for cherries, and we lay and +dallied, and ate cherries at intervals. There was now no reticence, all +her charms were open to my sight and touch. "Why did you not let me +at home Mary?" "My linen warnt clean," I remember that well. "How many +times did we fuck that first day." "Don't you know? I've been trying to +recollect, and can't," she replied laughing. + +She was a lovely woman, had firm, smooth, creamy flesh, was as plump as +a sucking-pig, a fat cunt of my favorite style then, and the loveliest +coloured hair on it I ever saw; but it was ample, both inside and +outside, I had experience enough to know that even then, though its grip +of the prick was heavenly. Her form and figure was if anything, what may +be called thick, the ankles and wrists were thick, but neither feet or +hands were large, her breasts and bum were faultless. Take her all in +all she was a superb creature, and had such a complexion! + +I sent for wine and biscuits, for we got thirsty and hungry, and then +amidst amorous dalliance we chatted. She astonished me not a little +about her career. I was always curious with a woman whom I had poked, +and till I had heard something about her was not satisfied. Whether lies +or truth I always got a history of some sort out of a woman of Mary's +class, and usually got the main facts truly. I have tested them. But not +so with gay women, they mostly lie heavily. + +"Master (she always addressed me so in country fashion and dialect), +you know." "I?" "Yes." "No." "You do." "What nonsense." "Ain't she told +you?" "No." "Why she knows all about me, she caught me crying one day, +spoke kindly, it made me open my heart, and I told her all!--yet she +has never told you?" "Never, and if you have told her anything about +yourself that you had better have kept to yourself, you will regret it." +"I fear I shall." Then little by little, amidst tears and caresses, +she told me her history, and again did on future days, and I saw her +letters, rings, jewellery, silks, and other proofs, I knew the town +she lived in, know some of the people in it whom she mentioned, and was +satisfied with the truth of every part of her story. One gentleman she +named was to have married one of my sisters,--how strange! + + + + +CHAPTER XXI. + + Preliminary.--Maid Mary's seduction.--Flight.--Desertion.-- + Going to the post-office.--A halfpenny signal.--Against an + arm-chair.--The privy watched.--Nearly caught.--Mary + suspected.--Dismissed.--In lodgings.--Service again.--My + cousin sir.--Letters lost.--Mary disappears.--Seven years + afterwards.--Sequel. + +The daughter of a small inn-keeper at the town of B.. t. n, she was at +a public hall. A young gentleman danced with her, afterwards paid +attentions to her, and induced her to run off with him. "Oh! I was just +as bad as him, poor fellow! When he got me into the room I felt sure +what he was after, knew it was wrong, knew he would want me, and that I +should let him. I wanted to let him do it, to be all to him, I did not +want it done to me for myself, not that I recollect, I dare say I might, +but don't recollect _that_; but I wanted him to do with me what he +liked, anything he liked, anything he wanted to do me. I would have let +him do anything that would make him happy, and seem as if I belonged to +him entirely, and he to me for ever." + +"And he did it?" "Yes. I stopped out all night and next day, and then +went home frightened. I was father's favorite, he had been hunting for +me like mad all over the town, and letting people know I was not at +home. He hit me,--there was such a row!--my sister spat at me, and +called me a whore. I never slept all night, and hadn't slept the night +before, what with his a pulling me about and doing it, and my fear of +being found out. I was ill, and father kept me locked up in my room a +week, because I would not tell him where I had been and with who. I +said I had been to an aunt's, he went to her, and found I had fibbed. +At length he let me out, because he wanted me to attend to his +business, and the first man I saw in the bar was my dear boy,--I nearly +fainted."--These were as nearly as possible her own words describing +her seduction, they are so unlike the confessions I have had from other +women, that the very words sank deep into my mind. + +After that he used to go and drink at the bar, her father talked with +him, not knowing he was the man who had broached his daughter. She was +watched till life was unbearable, her sister worried her (she had +no mother), neighbours who had thought well of her began to sneer, a +country swain who liked her was saucy to her, one or two swells in the +neighbourhood who had been accustomed to see her about, and admired her +beauty, were now free in their behaviour. One took liberties with her, +and in the public-house began asking her smutty questions. Weary with +all this, liking the man whose sperm had wetted her virgin cunt, perhaps +longing to have more (although she always declared to me that she had +no recollection of that desire affecting her), one night she ran away to +London with him. + +They lived in London nine months. Then came grief. He was the son of a +West-India planter who had sent him to London to pass as barrister. His +father's agents found out the connection with Mary, and wrote to the +father that he was spending his money, but not advancing his career. His +father objected, then threatened, and then his allowance was stopped. +They lived on what they had, until penniless. He wrote that he was +going to marry Mary, and his father replied that if he did he need +never return and might starve. He was a gentleman, and could not get his +living, he tried but failed. Then the father wrote, requesting him to +return, and saying he would provide for Mary. Misery stared them in the +face, and he consented to go home. + +His father remitted money. The first thing he did was to take all Mary's +jewelry and clothes out of pawn, and then to arrange for her to live. He +promised to come back, and marry her, and some sort of such promise was +made by his father's agents. He begged her to go home, but she would +not. Then he put her to lodge with a small middle-class woman whom he +bribed to give Mary a character as a servant, for he declared he would +remain, and ruin himself for ever, if she neither would go home, nor go +to service. Mary remained there a couple of months, dressing plainly, +and only going to see him in his lodgings at night, or to meet him at +places where it would not be known. Then he went to India. Repeated +threats of his father, and his want of money would let him stay no +longer. + +The father arranged that Mary should be paid fifteen shillings a week, +and they paid it for some time. She wanted to write to her lover, but +had mislaid his address, the agents said that their instructions were to +stop the weekly payment if she corresponded with him; but _he_ wrote to +her, _she_ replied, and then their payments ceased. Her lover then sent +her money; but his father found that out, and kept him penniless. +She was in London now alone, knowing not a person, again he sent her +trifling sums, but begged her to go out to service, or she would become +a gay woman (I have seen his letters). She used to go out, sit down on +a green close by, and cry all day. One day a middle-aged woman accosted +her, she told a little of her grief to her, it was something to tell her +grief, even to a stranger. The woman told some plausible story, and she +went to see her (I had the address). There the woman asked to see her +partly undressed, and told her that with such legs and breasts she might +have silk dresses and jewelry galore, in fact incited her to be a gay +woman. True to her lover, she did as he advised. The female with whom +she lived gave her a character as a servant, and with that she came into +our house. + +The way in which the old bawd got to see her legs was amusing, I often +thought of it; not knowing a bawd's dodges then. She asked her if she +wanted to piddle, took her to a bed-room, and as in sitting down she +showed a little leg, the woman broke out into ecstacies, and asked her +to show more. Much flattered she did, and then came the old woman's +suggestions. + +"From the time he left you till the other day, had you never been +poked?" "Never, by all that is good.--I would not have injured him,--I +was shocked when the old woman told me about getting money by my legs. +I hoped he would come back, and always thought he would. But he never +answers my letters now, although some money came for me the other day, +and I know it must be from him, although the writing is not his; even +when you threw me on the sofa that day, I thought I was wronging him for +a moment, till I forgot everything but you. + +"But oh! I have had a weary life since he left, father I hear has +failed, what sister's doing I don't know,--sister I heard tells +everybody it was all my fault, and that the old man never held up his +head after I ran away,--perhaps it's true," said she with a flood of +tears, "but I was a good gal to him, till my poor Alfred took me away." + +I have never before or since heard anything more simple or touching than +that girl's tale, as told me in the baudy house. I could almost swear +that every word was true. We stopped at the house till time for Mary +to leave. I had paid for the rooms two or three times over, being still +inexperienced. When we came out we were famished, having eaten nothing +but cherries and biscuits nearly all day. I bought buns, and we ate in +the cab, I feeling her cunt at intervals, and once making a fruitless +attempt at a fuck. The smell of her cunt on my fingers at that time I +dare say gave a relish to the buns, for I liked her. She went in first, +ten minutes afterwards I did. What a look we gave each other as she +opened the door! Old times again, and this time as charming as those in +every particular. + +For some time afterwards it was impossible to have her, for we never +were alone, our only chance of exchanging whispers or a kiss was on the +stairs, or when the other woman went to the privy. In those few minutes +we used to stand whispering, kissing and feeling each other. Then at +table I used to feel her legs with my toes, putting my feet out of my +slippers as she put things on the breakfast or dinner-table, and looking +the other woman in the face all the time. This was so pleasant to me, +that I came down in the morning without socks, saying the weather was so +hot, and when I could get the naked toe up just to touch her thigh, +my prick would stand at the instant. But this was poor pleasure, and I +resolved on a course which I had actually to write to tell her of, so +little opportunity had I of conversing with her for the time. + +Our old-fashioned house was one of a row with a narrow frontage, and +four stories high, had a long narrow garden, and a privy about thirty +feet from the back-door, hidden by some evergreens, the common mode of +building in London at that time. On the first floor was my own little +sitting-room and a drawing-room, and above two bed-rooms, the back one +serving as a dressing-room for me, above those a servant's attic. With +one servant only we helped ourselves a good deal as may be supposed. One +bath sufficed, one of us took it first, the other using the same water, +it was a not very big flat tub. I usually took it first, then went +downstairs, and read till breakfast-time, and so got my five or ten +minutes opportunity. But she began to take her bath irregularly, or not +at all, and came down at times so quickly after me, that I was +cautious, and so the opportunities with Mary were lost. She was probably +suspicious, but I never knew. + +The scullery or back kitchen-door led up to the garden by a little +flight of steps, and in the summer it was always wide open. Anything let +fall out of the back-window would fall just in the doorway. This gave me +the means of signalling. It was arranged that if Mary heard a penny drop +on to the stones by the door, she was at once to go up quietly to the +parlour, the ground-floor room as said, was divided by folding doors, +in the front was the dining-table and the auspicious sofa, in the back a +small table where we breakfasted. + +One morning dressed I waited till the woman stepped into the bath, and +then looking out of the window, dropped a penny. It fell just where Mary +stood cleaning my boots. Then downstairs I cut, and there was Mary in +the parlour waiting. She resisted me, but she wanted it as badly as I +did, and sticking her back against the partition close to the door, so +that we could catch the first sound of any one coming downstairs, we +fucked. My God what a rapid fuck it was, but what enjoyment! it was the +old trick again of but a very few years before in mother's house. Mother +still lived there. + +This we did several mornings, then I lost even that opportunity, after +being nearly caught in the act, and with prick throbbing to let out +its sperm, I had barely time to subside into a chair, and take up a +newspaper. That so scared Mary that she would not come up again when I +dropped a penny out of the window. + +Then she asked to go out to buy some things, which being granted, again +we spent a jolly hour or so at the baudy house in E.. t. r street. That +night I sat her on my prick, and did her in the cab, I never did so to +her but once. I put her up to asking to go to the post-office with a +letter, it was at about five minutes walk from our house. Close by was +a lane leading to large vegetable market-gardens, and there we took our +pleasure, and were nearly caught at it by a man passing by. I went home +first, and when the door was opened was answered, "The girl has gone to +the post-office, she must have gone somewhere else, for she has been a +long time." Then in came Mary. "Where have you been such a long time? +Your Mistress says you have been half an hour." She got a scolding, and +the Mistress went up to bed. I told Mary to come into the garden, it was +a dark night and cloudy, and half-way down the garden I put into her, +up against the wall, then she went in, and upstairs to bed. I followed +soon, and said, "What keeps that girl up so? I have been walking in the +garden, and she has only just gone upstairs." "She ought to have come up +directly I did," said the other. I locked all the doors of the house at +night, and was the last up. + +Several other risky incidents occurred in a few weeks, and then from +some suspicion I imagine, I never got a chance of having her. When I +came down to break-fast the girl was rang for to go upstairs, going out +was refused her, she was told in the middle of the day, "If you have any +letter to post, go out now, you can't go out this evening." The Mistress +seemed to stay a shorter time even in the privy than usual, and often on +some pretext sent the girl upstairs or somewhere just before she went to +the poopery. I was evidently suspected. + +One day she did not. No sooner had she gone out of the back-door than I +called up Mary. "Let's do it." "I will." "I don't care if she does catch +us," said I furiously, "lean forward, look out into the garden, I will +do it dog-fashion." There was a lowish-backed easy-chair which I usually +sat in by the breakfast-table, up against which I pushed it. Anyone +stooping over it, and looking could just see through the window the head +of any one coming away from the privy. My impetuousity prevailed, I +threw up her clothes over her backside, and plugging her cunt, was soon +in ecstacies, Mary in a funk, submitting, and with me looking whilst we +fucked, out of the window for her Mistress' head, which as I have said, +we could not fail to see. But our pleasure came on, and in our joint +delight we only thought of the lubricity of our position. "Look out +darling." "Yes--I am." "Oh!--a--h!--are." "You're loo--k--look--ing?" +"Yes--oh!--ah I--be--qu--quick,--ah!--a--h!" I had spent, my belly +was still squeezed up against her bum, my prick still up her, my hands +rubbing her flesh, when I heard a footstep at the back-door. To pull +out my prick, drop my dressing-gown over it, let fall the clothes over +Mary's posteriors was the work of an instant. Rushing towards the door +I met her Mistress just as she entered it. Passing her I rushed out +towards the privy saying, as if ready to shit myself, "What a time you +have been there. I thought you were going to stay there all day." It had +been raining, the ground was wet, and just inside the back-door she had +paused to wipe her feet on the mat. Had she not done so she would +have caught us in the posture, for we had both spent, and lost all +consciousness for the minute, I was dreaming leaning over Mary when I +heard the feet rubbing on the doormat. + +I stopped a sufficient time at the privy to show that I really wanted to +go there. When I went back to the house I found Mary had fainted right +off in the parlour, and dropped a tray. The shock of fear at being +caught had been too much for her nerves, and she rolled on the floor +showing her legs. My wife jealously told me to leave. I did, but in a +funk for I saw on one of her stockings unmistakeable stains of spunk +mixed with poorliness. + +We talked over it afterwards, wondering if it had been noticed; but I +never knew. Mary recovered and got up just as I went out of the room. +Her Mistress afterwards remarked that she was a fine-made, but coarse, +strong woman, she called all stout, well-filled women coarse. + +Her Mistress asked her what she had bought the day she had gone out +shopping, and she showed her some things, which most unfortunately she +had shown before, then her Mistress said it had been merely a pretext +to get out. She told me of it, and when Mary's regular holiday came she +refused to let her go. Mary insisted, there were words, I was consulted, +and said she ought to be allowed to go. "You always take a servant's +part." "It's a lie," said I. "and I won't come home till time to go to +bed." "I shall be alone in the house then.". "Serve you right"--and off +I went. Mary met me an hour or two after the proper time whilst I kept +anxiously waiting and fuming, either under the portico of the lyceum, +or about there. Then we spent the rest of the afternoon and evening in +voluptuous delight. + +I kept out for an hour after Mary's return that night, and had a row for +the Mistress was sitting up. Next day I had a latch-key put on the +door, and told her she need not sit up, then went home at three in the +morning, and found her sitting up. Then I told her if she did that again +I would stop out all night. Again she sat up awaiting me, so I went off +and did not go home till the next night. That settled it. + + +"I'm in the family way," said Mary with a sigh. "My God are you?--how +unfortunate!--are you sure?" "Yes, I knew I should be." "What is to +be done?" "What I have done before." "You have been in the family way +then?" "Yes twice, he wanted me to have the child, but I would not +unless I were married." + +Mary took medicine and was ill, another monthly holiday came, and was +spent at the house. A few days afterwards Mary was looking blank. Her +Mistress told me she had dismissed her. "Why?" I asked. "She was no +good, and not a good servant." Mary was sacked at the end of the week, +I could not of course interfere without injuring the poor woman, and +implicating myself,--no good to either of us. + +So soon as she had left our house I was told all that Mary had told me +of herself, the Mistress evidently feared that Mary might seduce me, or +go astray somehow. That is what the poor girl got for telling her true +history to her. Said she also, "She has been taking strong medicine, and +I believe it was to bring on her courses." She knew they had stopped. +Her sister had advised her not to keep a female in the house who had +diamond rings, a gold watch and chain, and silk dresses. It was evident +to me that the poor girl's history had been told to more than one +person. + +Mary broken-hearted took lodgings in a cottage close by, and did +needle-work. "Nothing," said she, "shall make me go to service again, I +only did it to please him, hoping he would come back to me, but I hate +service, and don't care what becomes of me." She was always at home. I +visited her regularly for two or three months, giving her what little +money I could, but she was reckless and would spend money in comfort, +though not in show. She came out with me not in her silk dresses, but +her plainest ones, and little by little pawned her dresses, rings, and +all her finery. Then she worked harder and harder, besought me to give +her just enough to keep her, however humbly, for go to service she would +not again. Again she got with child. + +All this time of course our fucking was regular, but although I liked +her, and more than liked her, I never had a strong affection for her. +When her money-was gone, and she was poor in clothes, she was still +cheerful. I gave what I could, but could with difficulty keep out of +debt, and insisted on her going to service. "Then we shall never see +each other," said she, and begged me to go on, allowing a trifle; I +did so, being content with her, never finding her out, never having a +suspicion of her having another man, and feeling much anxiety about her. + +But none of my money was my own, and what use as a beggar could I be to +her?--so yielding to my solicitations at last she again went to service +at a short distance from my house. Then I found out a convenient +house close by, she got out as often as she could, and we had stealthy +meetings and pokings in a hurry. The old lady and her middle-aged son +with whom she lived liked her, and indulged her; so we often got two or +three hours together, yet the difficulty of meeting became irksome, she +got restless, would go as a bar-maid (she understood the business), +go to America, go anywhere so as to get away from service. Then +circumstances prevented my meeting her for two or three weeks; when I +did again she reproached me, and hoped I had not got any one else. + +Soon after she told me her sister was in the family way, having been +seduced by the young man who was to have married her, I saw the letter +describing this. "I am glad of it," said Mary, "for she was hard on +me." The sister came to town, I wanted to see her, but Mary would never +arrange it, though I saw her letters frequently. Then I made one or +two appointments with Mary which were not kept, went to the house one +evening, and whilst Mary was whispering to me at the street door, her +Master appeared, and asked who I was. Mary said I was her cousin. +Then he ordered her in-doors, saying they did not allow their servants +callers. + +Then her Mistress began to treat her harshly; and we thought some of my +letters had been intercepted. I was obliged to go abroad for a time, and +wrote to tell her. On my return I found letter after letter from her at +the post-office. She was about to leave, wanted my advice, would I allow +her ten shillings a week, she would make it do; be faithful to me, and +live close by me; go to service again she would not, she would sooner go +on the streets, her sister had done so. Again an upbraiding letter,--she +never thought I would have neglected her so, I who was so kind and +affectionate, I whom she loved so much,--if I did not reply it was the +last I would hear of her. + +I dressed myself up shabbily, and at dusk went to the place she lived +at. The Master opened the door but did not know me again. She had left, +had gone he knew not where. "Why?" did I ask. Then I tried all possible +places, but I never heard of her for years, and greatly feared she had +gone gay; but although I haunted gay places to find her, I never saw her +there. + +Some seven years afterwards I met her. She had gone to service again, +and had written to tell me where. I never had that letter. There was +again a bachelor son in the house, who made advances to her, and finally +kept her. Meanwhile I had moved my residence, and oddly enough opposite +to the house in which her protector had lived for many years with his +mother. Mary actually knew everything about my domestic affairs almost +as well as if she had lived opposite to me herself, for my neighbours +knew a good deal about me. He kept her at a nice little house some miles +off. + +It was opposite the National Gallery that we met in the dusk of the +evening. I went to J... s' street with her, and to bed, and fucked her +with rapture till I brought on her poorliness in floods. + +Her protector had just married, parted with her, and given her +money. She was going home to her native place,--what to do I don't +recollect,--she was still lovely, although somewhat broken. I never saw +her after that night. About five years afterwards she wrote to say she +was badly off, would I send her a trifle. I sent her two pounds, she +thanked me in a letter, and said in it, that she often cried when she +thought of me, and past time,--and I never heard of her afterwards. + +I could tell a lot more about my doings with this lovely creature, for +everything connected with her is as fresh in my memory as possible; but +must go back to that time when coming back to England I found she had +left her last situation, and I could not find her whereabouts. + +But I must add something which was omitted when I abbreviated the +manuscript for printing. I revelled as said in the smell of a nice +woman; with the poor cheap women I had for some time had, their smell +offended me, I avoided kissing them even, why I can't say. With Mary +this delight returned, her aroma overpowered me, and added to my +voluptuous delight in her embraces. On every possible opportunity I +used to lift her petticoats, and smell her flesh, it intoxicated me, and +instantly made me wild with lewdness. + + +FINIS, VOLUME TWO + + + + + +VOLUME THREE + + + +CONTENTS: + + +CHAPTER I.--Straightened circumstances.--Promiscuous whorings.--The +garden privies.--Our neighbor's daughters.--Effects of a hard +turd.--Masturbation.--Bum-trumpeting.--Seeing and hearing too much.--A +pock-marked strumpet.--A neighbour's servant.--Don't wet inside.---On +the road home.--Cheap amusements.--Bargains.--Watching brothels.--Cunt +in the open. Clapped again.--French letters, and effects.--Income +improved.--Piddle in the bye-streets.--An uprighter.--My pencil-case.--A +female bilker.--A savage frig.--A silk dress soiled. + +CHAPTER II.--Preliminary remarks.--A dress-lodger.--Lucy.--Sweet +seventeen.--An impudent demand.--A row.--The bawd.--My watch +requisitioned.--Exit barred.--Bill.--Funking.--Determination.--The +poker and window.--Vici.--Apologies.--A cautious retreat.--My +revenge.--Lucy scared away.--Brighton Bessie.--Washing by +fire-light.--Friendly intimacy.--The house in B..w Street.--Lascivious +evenings. + +CHAPTER III.--A change in taste.--A small cunt longed for.--Hunting +in the Strand.--Yellow-haired Kitty.--Her little companion.--Oh! +you foule.--The house in E.. t. r Street.--Double +fees.--Kitty's pleasure.--Objections to washing.--Have the other +gal.--Cleanliness.--Home occupations.--I ain't gay.--Kitty's males. + +CHAPTER IV.--Little Pol consents.--Arsy-versy.--Broached, and howling. +--Kitty's vocalization.--A cheap virginity.--Two hours after.--Love's +money lost.--The street-gully.--Kitty pleases. Pol tires.--Kitty's +habits.--Friendliness and frankness.--Sausage rolls.--Confessions of +lust. + +CHAPTER V.--Kitty's antecedents.--The fishmonger's.--Jim the shopman. +--Betty the maid.--Females in bed.--Mutual curiosity.--Letchery and +frigging.--Educated in coition.--Against the kitchen-wall.--Jim in +bed.--Betty's cunt washed out.--A look in the basin.--Cousin Grace, +and cousin Bob.--Bob on the spree.--A scuffle.--Topsy-turvy. +--Arsy-versy.--Bob's semen.--A masturbating duet.--Caught in the +act.--Kicked out. + +CHAPTER VI.--Sausage-rolls, and consequences.--Kitty's home.--The +little ones.--A saucy cabman.--Catamenia.--Fucking economies.--Changing +money.--Pol and the bargee.--Kit implicated.--A black eye and +bruised rump.--A little boy's cock.--Preparation for travel.--Kit's +regret.--Bessie in tears.--Amusements abroad.--Home again.--Kitty a +strumpet.--An evening at B.. w Street.--Kitty's eight months doings. + +CHAPTER VII.--Brighton Bessie.--Change irresistable.--Bessie +in quod.--Lewd effects.--Spooning.--Her home.--Her +cabman.--Reflexions.--Two years after.--Five years later on.--The +mouse's promenade.--Bessie disappears. + +CHAPTER VIII.--Washerwomen.--Matilda and Esther.--A peep over a wall.--4 +Eaves dropping.--A girl's wants.--Shaking a tooleywag.--A promenade by +a barrow.--Disclosures.--A snatch and a scuffle.--An assignation. + +CHAPTER IX.--Returning home.--In the churchyard.--Two female +laborers.--Among the tombs.--A sudden piss.--An arse on the weeds.--Torn +trowsers and a turd.--In front of the public house. + +CHAPTER X.--The washerwoman's lane.--An intention frustrated.--A slap on +the face.--Choice language and temper.--A dinner in the Haymarket.--The +rocking-chair.--A lucky shove.--Up, and out in a second.--A quarrel, and +flight.--An enticing laugh.--The house in O...d.n Street. + +CHAPTER XL--Esther meets me.--Vaux-hall.--Ex-harlot Sarah.--Esther +succumbs.--Big-arsed and bandy-legged.--Periodic fucking.--Matilda +invincible.--I part with Esther.--Her fortune. + +CHAPTER XII.--Preliminary.--My taste for beauty of form.--Sarah +Mavis.--Midday in the Quadrant.--No. 13 J..s Street.--A bargain in +the hall.--A woman with a will.--Fears about my size. +Muck.--Cold-blooded.--Tyranny.--My temper.--Submission.--A revolt.--A +half-gay lady.--Sarah watches me.--A quarrel.--Reconciliation. + +CHAPTER XIII.--Sarah's complaisance.--Mistress Hannah.--About +Sarah.--Sexual indifference.--After dinner.--Stark naked at last.--Her +form.--The scar.--Hannah's friendship.--The baudy house +parlour.--The Guardsman.--Sarah's greed.--A change in her manner.--A +miscarriage.--Going abroad.--I am madly in love.--Sarah's history. + +CHAPTER XIV.--Poses plastiques.--Sarah departs.--My despair.--Hannah's +comfort.--Foolscap and masturbation.--Cheap cunt.--A mulatto.--The +baudy house accounts.--Concerning Sarah.--The parlour.--The gay ladies +there.--My virtue.--Louisa Fisher.--A show of legs.--The consequence on +me.--Effect on Mrs. Z. + +CHAPTER XV.--Louisa Fisher.--Chaffing.--Her form and fucking.--A +supper in bed.--A lascivious night.--Meeting +afterwards.--Hannah's legs.--Intruders in the bed-room.--Louisa's +voluptuousness.--Enciente.--Her husband.--Her gentleman friend.--About +herself.--Illness.--Mrs. A. + +CHAPTER XVI.--A friend's maid-servant.--Jenny.--Initial familiarity.--A +bum pinched.--Jenny communicative.--Her young man.--An attempt, a +failure, a faint, a look and a sniff.--Restoratives. + +CHAPTER XVII.--When are women most lewd.--Garters, money and +promises.----About my servant.--The neckerchief. Armpits felt.--Warm +hints.--Lewd suggestions.--Baudy language.--Tickling.--Fanny +Hill.--Garters tried.--Red fingers.--Struggle, and escape.--Locked +out.--I leave.--Baudy predictions, and verification.233 + +CHAPTER XVIII.--Fanny Hill sent to Jenny.--My next visit.--Thunder, +lightning, sherry, and lust.--A chase round a table.--The money +takes.--Tickling and micturating.--A search for Fanny Hill.--A chase +up the stairs.--In the bed-room.--Thunder, funk, and +lewdness.--Intimidation and coaxing.--Over and under.--A rapid +spender.--Virginity doubtful.--Fears, tears, and fucking. + +CHAPTER XIX.--My soiled shirt.--Jenny's account of herself.--Fucking +and funking.--Poor John!--Of her pudenda.--Its sensitiveness.--Erotic +chat.--Startled by a caller.--Her married sister's unsatisfied +cunt.--How she prevented having children.--Doubts her husbands +fidelity.--Jenny taught the use of a French letter.--Hickery-pickery and +catamenial irregularities. + +CHAPTER XX.--A Saturday afternoon.--Copulation interrupted.--Retreat +cut off.--Under the bed.--Enter sister.--The new dress.--Heat +and sweat.--Undressing.--Jenny's anxiety.--Sweating much, +and stripping.--Nature in its simplicity.--Nature in its +vulgarity.--Delicious peeps.--A cunt near my nose. Erotic +recklessness.--Fist-fucking. + +CHAPTER XXI.--Further undressing.--Slippers wanted.--Toilet +operations.--The effects of hash and beer.--A windy escape.--Feeling for +the pot.--Sisters exeunt.--A crushed hat, and soiled trowsers.--A narrow +escape.--My benevolent intentions towards Jenny's sister. + +CHAPTER XXII.--The Sunday following.--Chaste calculations.--The sister +alone.--My embarrassment.--Ale fetched.--Warm conversation.--Stiffening. +--Bolder talk.--An exhibition of masculinity.--A golden promise.--Lust +creeping.--Baudy dalliance.--Cock and cunt in conjunction. + +CHAPTER XXIII.--Jenny's bed-room.--The money hidden.--On the bed.--Fears +of maternity.--Inspection of sex.--The use of a husband.--Another +Sunday.--Regrets and refusals.--Resistance overcome.--Jenny's +ignorance.--Her Master returns.--Difficulty in getting at Jenny.--Her +sister waylaid.--Against a fence.--Jenny's marriage, and rise in life. + + + + + +CHAPTER I. + + Straightened circumstances.--Promiscuous whorings.--The + garden privies.--Our neighbour's daughters.--Effects of a + hard turd.--Masturbation.--Bum-trumpeting.--Seeing and + hearing too much.--A pock-marked strumpet.--A neighbour's + servant.--Don't wet inside.--On the road home.--Cheap + amusements.--Bargains.--Watching brothels.--Cunt in the + open.--Clapped again.--French letters, and effects.--Income + improved.--Piddle in the bye-streets.--An uprighter.--My + pencil-case.--A female bilker.--A savage frig.--A silk dress + soiled. + +I felt such a void, that I came to the conclusion that I had fondly +loved Mary, and missed greatly her kind, sympathetic association. For +a long time I could think of nothing but her, even when I fucked other +women, and got so miserable about her, that I rushed into indiscriminate +cheap whoring again. I had still not money for the best class of women, +and did not like baudy houses; but there was no help for it, and so +whoring I went, and largely in the Strand, for at that time in E..t.r +and C. t...e Streets there were many and nice brothels at all prices. + +But I for some time abstained from women, and had wet dreams. My mind +ran constantly on Mary, and when I saw a nice girl, used to wonder if +her cunt was like Mary's, and this specially of two girls about nineteen +and twenty years of age, daughters of one of our next-door neighbours. + +The privies of the houses in our terrace were built in pairs, the garden +wall divided them and partly the cess-pool which was common to the two. +I used to take pleasure in watching to see these girls go to the privy, +and although the idea of a female evacuating revolted me, yet used to +try to get to our privy when one of the girls went to theirs, and would +stand smoking just inside the passage by the back-steps of my house, +tip-toeing to catch a glance of their heads, and stopping myself from +bogging sometimes, so that I might get there at the same time. Directly +I saw a head off I followed quietly, and if the weather was quite still +we could hear footsteps in each other's gardens too well. + +The cess-pool had at the time I write of just been emptied, the turds +dropping and flopping down could be heard, it was not nice, but it did +not shock me. I liked to hear the girls' piddle splashing, and used to +push my prick back, and sit back on the seat, so that my piddle might +drop straight, and make much noise. It pleased me to hear the joint +rattle and splash we made if we pissed at the same time. I did this so +constantly, that I could tell which girl was there, for the piddle of +one always made twice as much splash as the other's. Up would stand my +prick, and often I could not piss for its stiffness, directly I heard +the girls splashing. + +One day I had a hardish motion, and was randy that morning almost to +pain. One of the girls was there. I strained, my cock got stiff, and +began to throb violently, and shot out its spunk as I strained. I +went back to the house, and just entering it saw the other daughter +go towards the privy. Back I went and sitting down frigged myself as I +heard her evacuations drop, so randy and charged with sperm was I. + +After that I occasionally frigged myself at the privy, and used to +picture to myself the girls sitting there, their clothes up round +their rumps, and slightly up in front showing their limbs, and piddle +squirting, but I always thought of both girls as having cunts like +Mary's. After a time we knew a little of the girls, and when talking to +them I used to think of the same thing. The idea used to fascinate me, +and they used to say (I am told), that I was a strange man, for I always +stared at them as if I had never seen a woman before. They little knew +what was in my mind when I was staring. + +Just after the emptying I could not only see their wax as it fell to the +bottom, but the paper with which they wiped their bums, and could hear +them fart. Sometimes the two came together. One day by a sudden whim +I let a fart as loud as I could, and heard a suppressed titter, they I +think never knew I could hear, for usually I tried to be as silent as +possible. I never coughed when there, and used to pull open my arse-hole +to lessen the noise of my trumpet, and singular as it may seem did this +out of a feeling of delicacy. Soon the cess-pool was half-filled, with +water, and I could only indistinctly hear. Then I grew tired of the +game, and again let off my sperm up cunts instead of spilling it on the +privy-floor, for sorrow always came over me as I saw it on the floor. A +few months after this I took a dislike to the girls through thinking of +what I had seen and heard of them, it seemed to shock my sentiment of +the beauty and delicacy of a woman. + +A confused number of random whorings and miscellaneous fuckings took +place about this time, I cannot tell to a month or two, but it began +directly after Mary had gone. I tell of one or two of them. + +At the back of the Lowther Arcade one night I took a poor little girl +seemingly about sixteen years old to a house. She had a nice but thin +form, and was as white as driven snow. When I had had her, I wanted to +see her face more clearly, but she held a handkerchief to it, and half +turned it away from the light, her privates she allowed to be inspected +as I liked. + +She was marked badly with the small-pox, and was nevertheless handsome, +but with that sad expression which the pock-marks often give. Gents did +not like it, she said. It was a dreadfully sloppy, snowy night. "Don't +go yet", said she, "it is so warm here." So I sat a while feeling her +quim and talking. "Do me again, I want it now, I did not when you did +it before." So we fucked again. "Do I please you?" said the girl putting +her hand to my face. "Yes my dear." "Will you see me again?--do." I was +always careful about promising that, and hesitated; but at length said +yes. Again I rose to go, again the girl asked me to stay, it was so +warm. "Pay the woman again and say you are going to stay till ten +o'clock." There was such simplicity about her that I consented. The woman +put coals on the fire, and we sat by it warming ourselves. + +After a time she said, "I don't think you like me." "Why?" "Because you +don't feel me about." I laughed, and said I had been feeling her. Time +ran on. "Won't you do it again?" "I can't dear." "Let me try to make you." +"You may, but I can't." She came to me, knelt down, played funnily, +but awkwardly with my cock till it stiffened, and again we fucked. +"You won't see me again, though you say you will." "Why not?" asked I +wondering at her sad manner. "They all say they will, but they never +do,--it's the small-pox marks they can't bear, I know it is,--I'm tired +of this life." Then suddenly she laughed and said she was only joking. + +I never did see her again. Such a young, white-fleshed girl, and so fond +of the cock, or else she had had but little of it, I have rarely met +with. She said she had only been out two months. "The other girls tell +me what to do with men, and the old woman where I live tells me; but I +always does what a gentleman asks me, I can't do more, can I?" said she. +"Other gals say they have regular friends, I haven't." I shall never +forget that poor little girl. + +On a cold evening a week or two after this, I saw a shortish, dark-eyed +girl going along the Strand. She walked slowly, and looked in at almost +every shop. I could not make up my mind if she were gay or not. She was +warmly wrapped up, her style that of a well-to-do servant. I passed and +repassed her, looked her in the face; her eyes met mine and dropped, +then she stopped and looked round several times after unmistakeable +gay women as they passed her, then went on again. Opposite the Adelphi +she paused and looked at the theatre for a long time, a gentleman spoke +to her, and seemed to importune her, she took no notice of him, and he +left her. After walking on for a minute quickly she loitered and looked +in the shops again. + +Near Exeter Hall my cock which was in want of relief giving me +impudence, and liking her looks I spoke to her about the things in the +windows. At first I got no reply, and she walked on. "Come with me, and +I'll give you a sovereign." "You can buy it then." What it was I don't +recollect. She seemed uneasy and wavering, yet made no reply. I repeated +my offer (it was just then money beyond my means, but I had hot desire +on me). She looked up the street in both directions, and asked, "Will +it be far?" I took her at the instant for a sly gay one. "You know I am +sure, it's close bye." "It's getting late, I'm in a hurry." Looking both +ways quickly and uneasily she placed her arm in mine, and hanging her +head down pressed close to me. We walked quickly, and soon were in a +snug room in a house at the back of Exeter Hall. + +"This is not a public-house", said she looking round. "No, but you can +have a drink if you like." "A little warm brandy and water then." I +ordered it. "Take off your bonnet and cloak." She hesitated. "Tell me +the exact time." I did, and then she took them off, sat down, and soon +sipped brandy and water looking at me. Thought I, "You must be a servant +after all." + +I began to caress her, and got my hand on her thighs asking her to come +to the bed. "I must go soon, let me go soon." "I will, but let me see +your legs, and feel them." She let me pull the clothes up to her knees, +then pushed away my hand but I thrust one up, and just felt the cunt. +She gave me a shove, and nearly pushed me over, for I had dropped on to +my knees, a favorite attitude of mine at such times. + +Savagely I got up. "Don't be a fool; if you mean to let me do it come +to the bed." She hesitated. "Give me the money first." "Oh!" thought +I, "she is a whore diseased, and a bilk," so I refused. "You really will +give it to me, won't you?" "Of course, but I'm not to be done that way." +Then I got her on to the bed, and threw up her clothes. She resisted. +"What do you take me for?" "Why a whore", said I savagely. It was a word +I rarely used _of_ a woman, still rarer _to_ a woman. She pushed my hand +angrily away and sat up. + +"I am not, and wish I had not come here, and would not, only I want +money for my poor mother, I thought you a gentleman,--I'm not the sort +of a woman you say, I'm a servant, I am indeed." "Well if you are, you +have been fucked." "That's neither here nor there, but I'm not what you +call me",--and she pouted. "Lay down dear,--let's fuck if you mean it, +if not let's go,--let me feel you, and you feel me." I pulled her back +on to the bed, laying down by the side of her, and put my prick into +her hand. It was persuasive, for soon I was having that delicious rub, +probe, and twiddle. Then I got a sight of all but the cunt itself, the +inspection of that she resisted. A fine pair of limbs, a fat backside, +lots of hair on her split I could feel. My friction told, she began +grasping my prick like a vise,--she was going to spend. + +Nice to her that, but I wanted my pleasure. Again I got savage. At +length quietly, and feeling my prick all the time she said, "Promise me +something." "What?" "Don't you wet inside if I let you." I promised, +and turning on to her belly fucked her, and forgot my promise, even if +I ever meant to keep it. We were soon near the crisis. +"Don't--now,--oh!--wet." + +"No dear." "T--aake--care." "I'll pull it out just as it comes dear." +"Don't--we--wet, oh!--ah!--wet", she gasped out as clutching her arse my +prick went fiercely up her, and spent every drop against her womb-tube, +my spend made doubly pleasurable, because she did not wish it in her +cunt. + +Said she with a long-drawn sigh, "You've done it all inside,--you should +not." "I could not help it, you are so charming, I could not pull it +out and make your clothes or bum wet", said I ramming on, and keeping my +prick tight up her lubricated cunt, "Let me get up." "Not yet." "Oh! +do, I'm in a hurry." "Lay still dear." "No, I'm in such a hurry,--what +o'clock is it?--do tell me what o'clock it is,--it will make me lose my +place if I'm very late." + +I uncunted, told her the time, and she washed her cunt. "Let us do it +again." She was wanting it. "I've such a long way to go." "Where?" She +told me, and it was on my way home. "I will take you home in a cab." On +the bed she got, I overcame her scruples, kissed her knees, her thighs, +all the way up to her cunt. The thighs opened widely, a second's +inspection of a cunt at that time of my life made me think of immediate +pleasure, and after promising not to wet in her again, she reminding me +of that, till she lost all care or heed in her pleasures. I spent up her +as before. + +We went home in a cab, and felt each other all the way, she said she +was keeping her mother who was poor, she feared dying. At the end of the +road she got out begging me not to follow her. I did not, and never saw +her again. She had hazel eyes, spoke with a country accent, and I quite +believe was a servant. + +Although soon after this a little better off, I had difficulty in +keeping out of debt, and the cost of amatory amusements prevented my +having women as often as I otherwise should have done. I used to try the +cheap women at times, and often successfully. Would walk backwards and +forwards between Temple-Bar and Charing Cross for hours, looking at the +women, thinking which I should like, and whether I could afford one. +Sometimes I would follow the same woman, stop when she stopped if a man +spoke to her, cross over, and wait till she moved off by herself, or if +with the man, would follow them to a brothel, return to watch for her +coming out, and wait 'till she did so. This pleased me much. + +Then I began to feel women in the streets; they frequently came out +of the E.. t. r Street-houses, and round by the side-entrance to +Exeter-Hall. That end of the street then was all but dark. + +Stopping a woman. This was a frequent dialogue. "A nice night dear." +"Yes." "Been taking a walk?" "Yes." "Been to piddle?" "Yes." They +usually when I knew they had come out of a house, said they had been to +piddle if I asked them. "A shilling to feel your cunt." "All right, give +it me." With the left hand I gave the shilling with the right I fingered +their quims. "Open your legs dear,--a little wider,--let me feel +up,--have you been fucked to-night?" "No." It was always no. I delighted +in hearing them tell that lie. "Come with me." "How much?" "Give me a +sovereign." "No." "Ten shillings then." "I can't afford more than five +shillings." "No, not for that"; but they more often said yes. Sometimes +I went with them, more frequently not. The lesson I learned was that +most woman denied that they had fucked more recently than the day +before, (it was always the day before), and that a little bargaining +reduced the price of their pleasures. + +If intending to have a poke I waited for a girl known by sight, and then +often could not find her, then I saw those so dressed that I could not +offer them a small sum. On other nights I went up to the girl with the +fattest legs, and made advances. In this way I shagged many of all sorts +and sizes, many of them poor creatures, others plump, fine, strong, +healthy women, whom I was surprised took the small sum for their +professional exertions. The end of this promiscuity was that again I +took the clap, which laid me up some weeks, and made it again needful to +open my piss-pipe by surgical tubes. + +Then I was timid, used French letters, and took to carrying them in my +purse again, but always hated them. Often my cock stiff as a boring-iron +would shrink directly the wet gut touched it, and compelled me to frig +up to near the crisis before I could insert it in the skin. Sometimes it +would not stiffen completely till up the women. I used to drop my tool +in a state of partial rigidity into the letter, then thumb it slowly up +the lady's orifice; then the warmth, the clip, the buttocks wagging, and +the look at the belly and thighs between which I was working brought +it to the proper stiffness. I usually had the ladies at the side of the +bed, when wearing these cundums. + +Sometimes my passions overcame my prudence, and a fair lady for her +favors got her price. Then I was filled with regrets, and had to content +myself with a feel for some time, or wait days till I could afford the +full gratification of my senses with another woman, because I had not +the money. Then I fell again on my five shilling offers. About this +cunt-feeling there was something very peculiar in me: unless I liked the +look of the woman I did not like to feel up her cunt, and after I had +been groping used to spit on my fingers, and rub them dry, and the smell +off of them on to my handkerchief. + +Some little time after my clap however I came into a better income +through the death of a relative. It was small, but made a difference +to me of great importance. I spent it all on myself, that is to say on +cunt, and although some of my country relatives must have known I had +come into the property, those most interested in knowing it I believe +never did. I now longed for nice women whom I could talk and spend the +money with. The rapid business-like fucking in the baudy houses was +not to my taste, I had scarcely gone to the Argyle Rooms, then not many +years opened, for fear that my taste for nicety of manner and something +more than mere cunt might lead me into an expenditure still far beyond +my means. + +It used to wound my pride to hear a woman jeer at my offer, or say, +"What the devil do you take me for", or walk away wagging her rump with +offended dignity when she heard five shillings named, or say she would +frig me for the money. Now I could offer more I was more happy in my +mind; but there are a few adventures to be told before the time when an +easier pocket enabled me to have better female companions. + +The angle of the street named as leading out of the Strand was dark of +a night and a favorite place for doxies to go to relieve their bladders. +The police took no notice of such trifles, provided it was not done in +the greater thoroughfares (although I have seen at night women do it +openly in the gutters in the Strand), in the particular street I have +seen them pissing almost in rows, yet they mostly went in twos to do +that job, for a woman likes a screen, one usually standing up till the +other has finished, and then taking her turn. Indeed the pissing in all +bye-streets of the Strand was continuous, for although the population +of London was only half what it now is, the number of gay ladies seemed +double there. The theatre-side of the street from Trafalgar-Square to +Temple-Bar was nightly for some hours one large flock of them, and there +was not a street or court on the whole line named, and on both sides of +the Strand in which there was not a baudy house. I have been in a dozen. + +I used to prowl about to see the girls pissing, and when I had cheek +enough, stand and piss by the side of them. That delighted me much. +One night I saw two women go up a court, one directly squatted, and I +followed. When one had done I asked her to let me feel her. She did. +Randy but poor that night the feel of her wet cunt made me reckless. As +I gave her a shilling I remarked how I should like to have her, but that +I had but five shillings to give. + +"You won't have me for five shillings, but you will get some one who +will,--you have lots of cheek to offer it." "I am sorry, but I can't +help it if I have not more." Had I not ten shillings? No, only enough +for the room. All this time I was feeling her. Then her hand went +outside my trowsers, feeling at my cock. I slipped it out, she took it +in her hand. "Have you not been a long time in the Strand to-night?" +said she. I had, and wanted a woman, only I had so little money. I did +not know the form or face of this woman, for we were in the darkest +place, and the night was dark and cold, but I felt that she had a silk +dress on, lots of hair on her cunt, and a large arse. "You may do it +here for five shillings", said she. I had never done it in the open in +such a place, but consented. Groping in my pocket I found and gave the +money, and then she stepped away from me,--a bilk I thought. + +It was not so. She went up to the other woman who was standing at the +corner, and telling her to look out for the police, came back to me, +and again placing her back up against the wall, I fucked her. "Wasn't it +nice!" said she dropping her petticoats. And then we stood and talked. + +"Stand a drink", said she, "you've got some silver." I did not mind, and +was curious to see her. She called her friend, and all three went to a +public-house, the lady with all my emission in her cunt. I found she was +a full-grown woman of about thirty with dark hair, dark eyes, and with +a bold expression in them. We had mulled port-wine, then something else, +and stood drinking till all my money was gone. Her companion left us +saying she had not gained a farthing that night, and must do so. + +My woman then got pleasanter, and wanted more liquor, my money was gone, +but I had a pencil-case, and asked the bar-man if he would lend me a few +shillings on it. He did, and I then spent more on liquor, then we went +out together again into the cold street; she pissed, saying the cold and +the liquor had made her leaky. "I wish you would let me again", said I. +Well she would, and up against a wall again we fucked heartily. With my +spunk in her we walked together into the Strand. She said she would like +to see me again, but I never did. Whilst fucking her the second time she +shoved her tongue almost down my throat, and breathed so hard. I never +fucked a woman in the street who did so, either before or since. A few +nights after I got my pencil-case back from the beer-man. + +One night a nice, strong-built woman about thirty years of age +seemingly, took my five shillings, and went to a house with me. She was +dressed in black silk, neat but shabby. She sat down on a chair, and +pulling up her clothes rearranged both her garters, showing what I +expected, and what I had engaged her for; a pair of fat legs. Then down +went her clothes. I began feeling her, she pushed her bum back on +the chair, but her thighs and the hairy ornaments I could feel. I +was awfully randy, my prick was raging. "Let's feel _you_", said she. +Willingly I let her grasp it, then she moved her arse forward, and I had +the pleasure of just feeling a moist clitoris from which I was diverted +by a painful squeeze she gave my prick. She was squeezing no doubt to +see if I had any ailment. The effect of the squeeze, which made me call +out, was to make me mad with randiness. "Take off your things, and let +me do it." "Where is the five shillings?" I placed them in her hands, +she pocketed them, and got up. Lifting her petticoats I pressed her +towards the bed where she was standing when she had spoken, but she +pushed down her petticoats, and moved away. + +"Not likely I'm going to take off my things for five shillings", +said she as the money slipped down into her pocket, "give me fifteen +shillings more, and I will,--I'm a fine-built woman",--and she pulled +her clothes clean up to her waist, turned round like a tetotum, and +after showing both arse and belly, slow-ly dropped her clothes again. + +"Come to the side of the bed." "No I shan't, you've had a feel for five +shillings, give me fifteen shillings more, and I'll give you pleasure I +know,--I'll do all you want me." + +"I can't." "Then I can't." I had not a pound in my pocket, but if I had, +am sure indeed I should have given it to her, but I could not. "Give me +ten shillings, and I'll pay for the room then", said she. "I didn't know +what house I was at, but generally they asked at those places the price +of the room first. + +"Just as you like", though I was dying for a fuck. "Then I will go." "I +have paid you,--if you choose to bilk me I can't help it." "I don't want +to bilk you, but I never let a man have me for five shillings, and I +never will,--give me five shillings more." + +"Let me feel you, if you won't let me poke you." "You may do that." +Leaning her bum against the side of the bed, I began groping; she +complaisantly moving one leg up on to a chair, so as to open her thighs +well, got hold of my prick, and began frigging it. "Give me another +five shillings", said she coaxingly, and under the influence of the +masturbating process I gave it to her. She gave my penis the most +delicate titillation whilst I was searching in my pocket for the money, +but she would not let me after she had got the five shillings. She went +on frigging me, repeating that she never let any one have her unless she +had a pound given her. + +I was annoyed, and hated frigging. Here was a well-formed woman, a cunt +at hand, and yet I was to spunk out on to the floor, was being made a +fool of. Stopping I said, "You don't mean to let me, whatever I give +you." "Yes I do, for a sovereign." "Frig me then." She took my tool in +her hand, and frigged. "Let me spend against your cunt." "No." "Against +your thighs." "No." "Oh!--ah!" Finding it was coming she left off. +"Give me five shillings, and I will", said she, but I would not, began +frigging myself, and spite of her pushed one hand up on to her thighs, +and frigged away with the other. "Take care of my dress", said she. The +savage delight of doing what she wished me not, came over me. Turning +my prick I shot my sperm copiously over her silk dress, and finished +by flinging from my fingers what remained of it towards her face. +"You damned dirty beast, you did it on purpose." "Serve you right, you +cheating whore", said I putting on my hat, and leaving her with a towel +wiping off my sperm, and cursing me as she did it. I don't know when I +felt so spiteful against a woman as I did against her. My discharge was +quick and copious, I saw it on her waist downwards. I have been bilked +before and since, but have mostly pardoned the woman, for sometimes I +have thought the poor things had their courses on, or some ailment or +deformity; but I still seem to hate this one. + +I may add that at the time these doings took place there were but three +theatres in the Strand. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + Preliminary remarks.--A dress-lodger.--Lucy.--Sweet + seventeen.--An impudent demand.--A row.--The bawd.--My watch + requisitioned.--Exit barred.--Bill.--Funking.-- + Determination.--The poker and window.--Vici.--Apologies.--A + cautious retreat.--My revenge.--Lucy scared away.--Brighton + Bessie.--Washing by fire-light.--Friendly intimacy.--The + house in B.w Street.--Lascivious evenings. + +I have read through the two volumes in print. There are typographical +errors, the names of women and places are once or twice wrongly given +or spelt, but the context corrects that, and it matters not. What is +important is; that owing to the brevity with which some occurrences are +told, they almost seem improbable; this is the result of not printing my +narrative all through exactly as I wrote it. In the manuscript, items of +conversation, and numerous details of the behaviour of myself and female +partners in my amours, were written down just as they occurred, and +showed how the climax was reached; how little by little man and woman +inclined to each other, how one pressed, and the other yielded, how from +modest talk and chaste kisses our chastity gradually was lost, how by +touch and sighs and yielding to the swooning lust which coursed stronger +and stronger through our veins, our genitals inflamed, swollen, and +sweating, drove us to contact with each other, till the carnal coupling +ensued, and prick and cunt revelling and wallowing in each other's +juices, drowned both wants and senses in voluptuous oblivion. + +These details also gave studies of character, and specially of my own +character, and as I now read the narratives in print after the lapse of +so many years they seem to me to be needed to explain myself, even to +myself. It is too late. The manuscript is burnt, that printed in its +stead must be taken as truth or not, as scepticism or faith prevails in +the reader, if ever there be one but myself. + +Nor can I less abbreviate even now and in the future I fear, for the +full narrative would entail too much expense in printing, and prolong +the time of completion. Yet what pleasure I had in the wordy veracities +as I wrote them, childish, fantastic, ludicrous, as some of the doings +and sayings now seem! How unlike the doings of the couples in erotic +books which I since have read, books written with no other object but to +stimulate the passions,--no object that of mine in writing this. + +The narratives were written in the present tense, but in print have been +altered to the past, which gives them an air of a studied composition, +written as a man might write a novel; but the writing extended over well +nigh forty years, and barely a word has been altered, excepting those +due to omissions. + +There are however a few remarks added here and there to explain the +circumstances and connect the incidents; these are needful to explain +lapses of time, and to show the continuity of the history, for all the +amours were written separately; yet often I had two or three women in +hand at the same period. So in arranging them chronologically a few +additions and observations were needful to explain, and these are of +them. + + +One muddy night in the Strand there was an exceedingly well-dressed and +very short-petticoated (they all wore them then) girl of about seventeen +years of age; her legs especially pleased me, they were so plump and +neat, and her feet so well shod. After my offer had been accepted, +we went to a house in a court just by Drury-Lane Theatre, and to a +top-floor front-room very handsomely furnished. She lived there, and +was a dress-lodger as I found afterwards. She was beautifully clean, +had fine linen, and was no sham in any way; a fresh, strong, plump, +well-made young girl with lovely firm breasts, and a small quantity of +brown hair on her cunt. Cunt and breasts looked only seventeen years, +backside, thighs, arms, calves looked twenty. She stripped, and with but +one feel and a stretch of her pretty cunt-lips, and a moment's glance I +plugged her, and recollect now my enjoyment of her. Then I dressed, +and so did she. Though so young, she was a well trained whore, had much +pleased me by her freedom in manner, even to the way in which she washed +her cunt and pissed after her fuck. I was not with her I should say +twenty minutes if so long; my lust for her had been so strong. + +"What's this?" said she disdainfully as I gave her half-a-sovereign. +"What I promised you." "Oh! no you did not, I expect five pounds." I +expostulated. "Look at this room, look at my dress,--do you expect me to +let a man come here with me for ten shillings?" "Its all I promised, had +you refused I should not have come with you." Then I put on my hat, and +moved towards the door; she placed her back against it. "You don't go +out of here till you give me three sovereigns." It must be added that I +had paid for the room what appeared to me then a large sum. + +I was in for a row, had not as much as two pounds about me, and was +fearful of exposure, just then a row in a baudy house would have injured +me if known. + +I gave her ten shillings more, she took it, but refused to let me go, +she did not believe I had so little money,--I was a gentleman, let me +behave as such,--no I should not go till I gave her what she asked. I +tried to pull her from the door, but could not, then sat down on the +chair, saying that if I must wait, why so I must. + +She tried coaxing, I told her I was entitled to another fuck for +my other ten shillings. Well I might if I gave her another twenty +shillings. I put hands up her petticoats, and fingers up her quim, +thinking she was giving way,--but no. I had forgotten my fears in my +randiness which came on again by fumbling about her rump and cunt, and +pulled out my prick stiff again. She bent over me, and gave it two or +three frigs. That so excited me, that verily I believe I should have +given her the money if I had had it, for the pleasure of having her +again; but putting my hand into my trows-ers, found silver only to +something like a pound in value, and told her that. Then losing her +gentility she said, "I'm damned if you do go, you bugger, till you have +paid me properly." + +Fear of exposure came over me, but I hid it, and sitting down looked at +her as she stood against the door in her petticoats, her handsome limbs +showing bright in their silks, and her plump breasts just squeezing the +bubbies over the top of the stays. Laying hold of my tool I pulled it +out. "Stand there as long as you like, you look lovely,--as you won't +let me fuck you, I'll frig myself." Suiting the action to the word I +began fist-fucking, not meaning however to finish so. It was but chaff, +for indeed I was funky. + +She stood looking till I said, "I'm coming,--I'm spending,--lift up +your petticoats, and let me see your cunt." Then unlocking the door and +opening it quickly she bawled out, "Mrs. Smith, Mrs. Smith, come up, +here's a bilk, come up quickly." + +I was now near spending as may be guessed, but buttoning up, went +towards the door. She heard me, turned round, came in, shut the door, +and stood with her back to it till a woman came in; and then she told +her I had given her ten shillings. + +The woman was incensed, was I a gent? she was sure I was, why not pay +properly then?--a beautiful young girl like that,--just out,--look at +her shape, and her face,--she had written to a dozen gents who knew her +house, and they had all come to see this beauty,--all had given her five +pounds, some ten pounds, they were so delighted with her,--and much of +the same talk. The girl began to whimper, saying she never had been so +insulted in her life before. + +I told her that I had only promised ten shillings, but had given more; +that the girl was certainly beautiful, and the room elegant; but I was +poor, and would not have come at all had I known the cost. I had not the +money, and therefore could not pay. Then the bawd's tone changed. She +was not going to have the poor girl insulted in that manner, she knew +better about my means of paying, and I should not go till I paid more. + +We went on wrangling until the bawd said, "Well if you have not money +give us your watch and chain, we will pawn it, and give you the ticket, +and you can get it out of pawn." + +I had hidden my watch,--nearly always did so then when I went with +whores whom I did not know,--but saw in this a threat, and was getting +more funky, yet determined to resist whatever came of it; so said I had +no watch, and if I had, that I would see her damned first, before I gave +it up. "Oh! won't you", said she, "we will see if you won't,--we don't +allow a poor girl to be robbed by chaps like you in our house,--call up +Bill", said she to the girl. I saw that a bully was about to be let on +me, and my heart beat hard and fast; but give up my watch I made up my +mind I would not unless they murdered me. I had an undefined suspicion +that they would illtreat and rob me, and prepared for the worst,--my +pluck got up then. + +But fear of exposure was before me. "Look", said I, "I have no watch, +I have given her twenty shillings, here is every farthing I have about +me", and emptied my purse (there was but a shilling or two in it) +before them, and put all the money I had loose in my pocket on to the +chimney-piece. There was I think about seventeen shillings in all. +"Look it is every farthing I have,--you may have that you damned +thieves,--take it and let me go,--see my pockets are empty",--and I +turned them inside out. + +"You've got more", said she, "be a gent, give her three pounds, she +never has less,--look at her, poor thing!" The girl stood whimpering, +she and the woman stood with their backs to the door, I with my back to +the two windows of the room which looked out on to the public court; the +fire-place was between us, the foot of the bed towards it; the fire was +burning brightly, the room was quite light. There they stood, the +clean, fresh, wholesome-looking lass, and besides her a shortish, thick, +hooked-nosed, tawney-colored, evil-looking woman,--the bawd,--she looked +like a bilious Jewess. + +The woman kept repeating this, for a minute or two. I refused to give +any more, and grew collected. "Come now, what are you going to do?" said +the woman, "you are wasting all her evening." I took up half-a-crown +off the mantle-shelf, and pushing the rest along it, "I must keep this", +said I, "but take all the rest, I have no more,--I have no watch,--let +me go." The woman laughed sneeringly, and did not touch the money, +turned round, opened the door, and called out "Bill, Bill, come up." +"Halloh!" said a loud male voice from below. + +I turned round, and with a violent pull, tore aside the red +window-curtains, and throwing up the window, and putting my head +out beneath the white blind, I screamed out, +"Police!--police!--murder!--murder!--police!--police!" + +Beneath the very window stalked a policeman; heard me he must, the whole +alley must have heard me, but the policeman took no notice, and stalking +on turned round the corner out of sight. Then the fear came over me +that he was bribed, I feared they might be coming behind me, and turned +round; the woman was close to me, the girl at her back. "What are you +doing?" yelled the woman, "what are you kicking up a row for?--shut +the window,--go if you want, who is keeping you?--this is a respectable +house, this is." + +A tumult of ideas and fears rushed through my mind, I feared Bill was +close at hand, and pushing the woman back with one hand I seized the +poker with the right one. "Keep back, or I will smash you", said I +flourishing it, and again I shouted out, "Police!--police!" but not +with my head out of the window this time. + +The old woman backed and shut the door again, the young one came +forwards speaking in a hurried tone, the old one dropped her voice to +a whine; she did not want to keep me if I wanted to go. "Shut the +window,--let her shut it,--give the poor girl two pounds then, and go." +Her house was a respectable house, the police knew it, why did I come to +such a house if I had no money? The girl cried, I blustered, swore, and +all three were speaking at the same time for two or three minutes. + +"Let me go." "Who stops you?" said the old woman, "give me the money." +"Open the door, and go out first then." "I shan't", said the woman with +a snap and a look like a demon. I turned round, and with the poker made +a smash at the window. The curtains had swung, the white blind was down, +but I heard the glass shiver and crash, a shout of "Hulloh!" from some +one in the court. I raised the poker again against the looking-glass. +"Get out, or I'll smash this, and you, and everything else in the room", +striking a chair violently, and breaking it. I now did not care what +I did, but was determined to fight Bill, or any one else, and not be +robbed. + +The women were cowed, they cried out, Pray drop the poker,--they +meant no harm,--the girl always had three pounds at least,--if I would +not,--why I would not,--they never have had such a row in the house +before,--to have her twice, and give her ten shillings was shameful. "A +lie you bloody bawd, I have only had her once, and she has had twenty +shillings." "Well, there's a good gentleman, go, and don't make a noise +as you go downstairs,--look at her, poor thing, how you have frightened +her,--she will let you have her again, if you like,--won't you +Lucy?"--"well come along then, but don't make a row,--leave the poker, +--what do you want that for?" whined the woman. I would not relinquish +the poker, they should go out first. The woman went, the girl waited +behind to put on her frock. As she did so the little bitch lifted her +petticoats to her thighs, showed her cunt, jerked her belly, winked and +nodded her head in the direction of the old woman. I did not know nor +heed what she meant by her nod and wink. "Get out,--get on,--get out,--I +won't have you behind me." She made a farting noise with her mouth, and +dropping her clothes went out. I followed her, looked at the doors on +each landing as I passed, fearing some one might come out behind me, and +edged downstairs sideways, looking both up and down. One door slightly +opened and closed again; at the street-door the old woman said she was +so sorry, it was all a mistake, and hoped to see me again. My blood +was roused, I would have smashed woman or man who stood in my way, and +eyeing the girl said, "Look at me well, if you meet me in the Strand +again, cut away at once, get out of my sight, or I'll give you in +charge for annoying me, or robbing me, you bloody bitch, look out for +yourself." Then dropping the poker on the mat I went out, glad enough to +be away from the den. + +About a fortnight afterwards I saw the girl in the Strand, followed her +for a quarter of an hour, saw her speak to various men, saw that an old, +common, low servant followed her at a distance, occasionally stopping +to speak with her, and turning up a street for that purpose. There was +a fascination about looking at the girl; she was showily but handsomely +dressed, her legs looked lovely. I longed to fuck her again, but without +any intention of gratifying my lust, for I loathed her whilst lusting +for her. She turned up C. t...e Street, stood over the gutter and pissed +standing, the old woman talking to her and partly hiding her whilst +she emptied her bladder. I waited till she had done. It was only about +half-past nine o'clock. + +She came towards me thinking I wanted her. I moved back close to a lamp, +and raised my hat. "Look at me you damned whore, you attempted to rob me +the other night, go out of the Strand, or I'll tell the next policeman +you have picked my pocket." She turned on her heels and bolted without +uttering a word, the old woman after her, cursing. + +A month or two afterwards I saw her again, she was speaking to a group +of gay women. Said I, "That bitch attempted to rob me the other night at +------ Court." "It's a lie", said she, but again turned round, and ran +up a side-street as fast as she could. I don't recollect seeing her +afterwards. + +I often used to go and look at the house when that way, it was such a +needy-looking house outside with a narrow steep staircase starting close +to the street-door. No one would have imagined it was so handsomely +furnished inside (although I only saw the top-room). Two or three years +afterwards there was a row there, a man tumbled down the stairs (or +was pitched down), and was picked up dead. The owner of the house was +transported. I don't know if it was the same man who was called Bill, +but suspect it was, and that many a visitor had been bullied out of his +money in that house. + +One night about this time I saw a well-grown, stout woman who looked +four-and-twenty. "What a thigh she must have," thought I, "can I afford +her?" and I felt in my pocket. Ten shillings with the room besides was +too much for me that night. I passed her again looking her in the face, +and longing for her, until she knew me and smiled. She had a bright +laughing eye. Summoning courage I gave her a signal, and she followed me +up a bye-street. + +"I have only five shillings." "Lord! you do want it cheap,--make it ten +shillings." "I can't." "Well _I_ can't." "Three half-crowns, and then +with the room I shan't have a shilling in my pocket." I used to speak in +that frank way to them. She laughed. "You are an odd sort of chap,--well +come along,--what house are you going to take me to?" "Where you +like,--I don't know them." "Oh! yes you do," said she, "you know well +enough with that eye of yours." We turned into a house which we both +knew, not one of the most expensive. + +I was exceedingly pleased with her manner, and in her house still more +pleased with her face. Her eye was one of the merriest, she was bright, +and fresh-colored, yet the general color of her flesh was slightly +brown. Her plumpness made me so randy I could scarcely wait to feel or +look at her, I wanted to push on to the fullest pleasures at once. + +She eyed me pleasantly, and made some remark about the smallness of the +sum, which made me uncomfortable. She saw it, and laughing showed a set +of beautiful small white teeth. I gave her her money at once, and +then began preliminaries. The room I recollect well. There was a +large four-post bed, a large wire screen three feet high all round the +fire-place, like those in nurseries. The house-woman flattened the fire +down, and took away the poker,--to prevent the fire being stirred I +suppose. There was but one candle, and the room was dark, there was +scarcely gas in any of the houses in those days. + +I drew her to me, my hand roved about her bum, belly, and notch, I asked +her to undress, desire increasing by the feel of her thighs made me +inquisitive. She would not undress, was in a hurry, some other night +perhaps, not now. Impatient so that I might begin, I placed her on the +edge of the bed, putting a chair for one of her feet. She lifted up her +clothes freely, and I saw her cunt. + +It was surrounded, though not in great quantity, with fine chestnut +brown, soft, thick hair, her thighs were large, round, fat, and firm, +the split looked small, was small outside, and I found it to be small +inside as well. A large bum squeezed together by the position in which +she was lying closed up almost the cuntal opening, so that just where +the prick must intrude itself, the hole could scarcely be seen, her +flesh had the slightly brown tint of her face. How is it that at a +glance all this was seen, and remembered ever since? What fascination a +cunt has! Strange that a mere gap close to an arse-hole should have such +power. + +In admiration of her cunt and its surroundings I held a candle for a +moment between her thighs. "Hold your quim open,--do,--do." Her hand +came down, the fore and middle-finger went on either side of the split, +and distended the lips, showed the red lining, a clitoris, small, and +nice-looking, and small nymphae sloping down to the narrow carmine +darkness, closing up gradually and tightly between her bum-cheeks, +squeezed up and closed by the weight of her body pressing up her bum the +bed. + +"I can bear being looked at", said she. "Then open your legs +wider,--wider dear." Wider they went. Candle in one hand I pushed the +finger of the other up her cunt. Then all delight of the eye was merged +in the maddening desire to fuck. Putting the candle somewhere it fell +down, and was extinguished; at the same moment slipping my prick to the +opening, with a smooth glide up it went. Before I had moved my prick +half a minute I was spending, before I had had a wriggle in her, before +I had well clasped her buttocks, I was leaning over her sighing, and had +finished before I had well began. I now think I feel my sensation up +her as I write this, of the rapturous smoothing of her buttocks as I +finished. Some women make me recollect them thus. + +"What a bore", said I squeezing my belly close up to hers, "I hate to be +quick." I heard her laugh, but could not see her face. She did not hurry +me out of her, but at length nature caused me to withdraw, and we got +the candle lighted. + +Washing herself whilst I stood talking and regretting my haste, holding +my unwashed prick in front of her, she laughing and saying I must take +my time another day, emptied the basin, and turning round asked if she +should wash me. Years had elapsed I think since a woman had done so to +me, then it was by a French woman. The offer comes to me now as having +been an unusual one. Delighted I let her. Delicately handling my doodle +she soaped and washed it, making complimentary remarks about it as she +did so. + +The operation excited me, I stiffened. "Oh! I do so want you again,--let +me." "No its late,--if I don't make money before twelve I never do +afterwards,--see me another night,--besides you can't do it again yet." +"Let me feel you then only for a minute." She approached me, one hand I +put to her cunt, the other thrusting between her fat bum-cheeks met the +tip of the fingers on the other hand. "My prick's standing so." "It's +not." "Feel it." She put her hand down and felt, I stiff to the utmost +kept asking her to let me again. "Well get on the bed then", said she +after feeling me quietly for a minute,--"see the candle has burnt down, +it won't last long." By the time she had said this she was lying down +with her clothes up above her navel. + +We were fucking with intensity, the candle went out, I felt her kisses. +"Oh! what a lovely cunt you have." "You've a nice prick,--who taught +you to poke so nicely?" Our tongues met,--silence, sighs, short shoves, +spunk,--and all was over. "Let me wash your cunt." "Very well." "You +wash my prick." "Yes." The mutual washing over we separated, I promising +to see her again. We had washed by the fire-light alone. + +Next night at the same time we fucked again. I stripped her, and was +enamoured of her body if not of herself. She made no sign of wanting +to leave me, but rather wanted to keep me. I had not since I lost Mary +tasted a woman's mouth, with this woman I was delighted in doing so, +though with the ordinary gay women I could not bear their tongues. +Whilst we were fucking they knocked at the door saying they wanted the +room. Bessie swore, "Damn her", said she, "for interrupting us,--and +the money I have brought her." This increased my pleasure, and Bessie +participated in it. After fucking her twice we sat by the fire and +talked, she warming her bum, her petticoats up to her knees, my hand on +her quim, and airing my balls. "If you want me another night, and can't +see me, ask the woman about,--ask for Brighton Bessie,--there are two +Bessies, so mind,--Brighton Bessie", said she as we parted. + +I found I could talk to this woman. Whilst doing so she would sit on my +knees and feel my prick, and I feel her privates. I had long wanted +such a free-and-easy acquaintance, for nothing annoyed me like the sham +modesty of doxies, their shuffling out of showing me their cunts, their +hurry to get me up them, and away afterwards. Bessie had none of this. +Like Camille, Mary, and all women I ever kept to long, she let me do +absolutely as I pleased, and without hurry would copulate, then sit and +talk till we were ready again + +for the exercise. But they did not at the house in------ + +Street fancy our staying so long at their busy time; so she arranged to +meet me at B. w Street one night, and took me to a house there which was +dearer, but where she said they rarely interrupted couples. + +It was nearly opposite to the Opera-House, since built. It had a very +large frontage, six or seven windows of a row I think, a dingy-looking +building that most people would have passed without noticing, or would +have thought it a dwelling-house of poorish people. The knowing ones +would have guessed that it meant something hidden and convenient. There +was no light outside, but if you pushed the door by night or by day, it +opened into a darkish lobby, then passing through a glass door with a +glimmer of light at the back, a woman met you, and conducted you to +a chamber, big or small, handsomely or poorly furnished according to +price. In it there must have been twenty rooms, and there was more +bum-wagging, more seed spent, more sighs of pleasure in that house +nightly, than in any other house in London I should think. + +It was dearer; but if you stayed for hours no one ever interrupted you. +There were in Winter good large fires, the rooms were a good size, there +was no gas, two candles were given, if you wanted more you paid extra. +Wine and liquor of fair quality was got for you. The furniture was +somewhat dingy, but all the rooms had sofas on which two could lie, and +beds large enough for three with clean linen always. It was one of the +most quiet, comfortable accommodation-shops I ever was in, and with +Brighton Bessie, I passed there many voluptuous evenings. + +I took a bottle of champagne with me there one night, the first time I +ever did so to a baudy house when I met a gay woman; but I wanted that +night a long, quiet evening with a free woman, and had one with her +quite after my own fashion. + +I had Bessie often for about two years, and at intervals for two or +three years after that, the last was about ten years after I had first +met her. I never had a passion for her, nor did I keep only to her; but +through the Winter of this year, as nearly as I can recollect, I had few +but her. After next hot weather my lust ran riot, I got also better +off, and treated my pego to variety, but we then frequently met at B.w +Street. Poor Bessie fell in love with me, and was fond of liquor as I +shall tell, now will only tell of the way our evenings, and at times +afternoons were passed together. + +If warm enough we used to strip, and lay outside the bed; if not got +into bed. As she was beautifully shaped I first took my delight in +contemplating her, then I laid along the bed, my head near her knees, +she the reverse way, and again I inspected. Sometimes she twiddled my +cock, and I her clitoris, but generally the time was spent in putting +her in every voluptuous posture, and fucking in all sorts of positions. +She liked it. "It's all my eye", she used to remark when we talked on +the subject saying, "I don't like it,--I like fucking and baudiness, +it's the best thing in life,--a short life and lots of fucking is my +motto,--women who say they never spend with men are liars,--they all +like it as much as I do." She was but twenty-one years old, although her +stoutness made her look older. And now I leave her for a time. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + A change in taste.--A small cunt longed for.--Hunting in the + Strand.--Yellow-haired Kitty.--Her little companion.--Oh! + you foule.--The house in E...t.r Street.--Double fees.-- + Kitty's pleasure.--Objections to washing.--Have the other + gal.--Cleanliness.--Home occupations.--I ain't gay.--Kitty's + males. + +I don't know why my erotic fancies took the desire for a young lass, +but they did. My taste had for the most part run upon the big, fleshy, +fat-cunted, and large-arsed; now perhaps for contrast, perhaps from +sheer curiosity, the letch took possession of me. A small cunt, tight +and hairless perhaps,--I wondered how it looked, felt, and if pleasure +would be increased by it, and though my prick swelled when spending +until I have groaned under the grip, even of a large cunt, I longed for +quite a little one. I had never had a very young girl,--excepting the +little child,--Nelly and Sophy had both a little hair on their mottes, +so I would try for a youthful quim and one if possible with no hair on +it. + +I was not versed in the walks and ways of little ones, and looking about +at night saw none. Talking about it at my Club, I heard they were to be +seen mostly in the day-time, so I looked out in the Strand for what I +wanted, and during day-light. + +On a blazing hot afternoon in June I walked about a long time thinking +of youthful harlots, but saw none, or if I did could not distinguish +them. At length I saw two young girls idling about, looking in at the +shop windows on the other side of the way. One was dressed all in black, +and was taller and stouter than the other. They were not got up in any +showy way, but looked like the children of decent mechanics. + +They took no notice of any one, nor any one of them, they stopped at a +shop, and I noticed that the biggest had the largest legs. A plump form +had as said attractions to me almost superior to face. Crossing to the +other side of the way I passed them, looking them full in the face. +The taller one was good-looking, white-faced, and had goldenish hair, +a colour I could not bear. They looked at me, but there was nothing to +indicate fastness. Returning I met them again, the same stare, the same +indifference. Thinking of their little cunts, and getting randy and +reckless I determined to try. They stopped at a sweetmeat-shop; going +to the side of them, and looking into the shop, not at them, so as to +prevent my being noticed, "I'll buy you whatever you want if you will +come with me", I said. The bigger of the two edged away from me, after +looking up in my face, whispered something to her companion, and they +both moved along the street without noticing me further. + +I was disconcerted, and went over to the opposite side of the way again +watching them, they went to a print-shop, and looked in; the big one +looked in the direction of a lolly-pop shop, and up and down the +street. She was looking after me evidently, so I crossed over, met them +full-face, and as I passed said without stopping, "Come with me, and +I'll give you money." + +I turned a corner, and looked, they were at another shop, the bigger +girl with her arm round the smaller one's neck. I again passed them, +going back to do so, and saying, "I'll give you three and sixpence." +That was the exact sum, and then turned up a street which led to baudy +houses, and waited at the turning into the street. + +The two girls turned the corner, stopped, and talked, the bigger laid +hold of, and slightly pulled the smaller, and seemed to be persuading +her. Failing apparently she left her, but turned back, spoke to her +again, and both came on together. Then I turned into the back-street, +the two girls appeared at the corner of that, and then stopped and +talked for a minute. Tired of waiting I thought I had made a mistake, +and going slowly back heard the bigger one say, "You _are a foule_." +"Oh! you _foule_." "Come he wants us." "You _foule_." + +"I don't want her," said I, "but you,--come,"--and returning entered a +baudy house, the outer-door of which stood open, thinking the bigger one +would follow, and sure now that she was a harlot. I then passed through +the inner door which as usual then had a glass window covered with a red +curtain. + +A minute elapsed, the baudy house-keeper had been spoken to, but the +girl not coming, I opened the door to look out. The bigger girl was +just inside the outer door, and was pulling in the other one. "Come you +foule,--you said you would,--he'll give you money as well as me, and +I'll give you some of mine too,--well you are a foule," quite bawling it +out. There was not much secrecy needed in such things at those times, in +those streets. + +"I don't want _her_," said I hurriedly, "it's you,--come in, or I won't +wait." She came in, the other girl disappeared, and we were soon in a +bed-room together. + +It was the first house at that end of the street, had been newly opened, +and was furnished in a style not like a baudy house; no show, neat and +clean, but cheaply; no bed-hangings (and in those days most baudy houses +had bed-hangings), the blinds were new and white, the beds quite clean. +The top-floor room where I went for economy was two shillings and +sixpence. The woman of the house was tall, comely, and middle-aged. As +I paid her I noticed she had fat red cheeks. How curious that I should +recollect those red cheeks. She had a white apron on, and was a civil +sort of creature. + +The girl stood still staring at me. Sitting on the edge of the bed +I stared at her, filled with baudy curiosity and the appreciation of +novelty. "Why won't you have the other gal?" said she. "I don't want +her, nor want two,--and she is a dirty little imp." "No she ain't dirty, +she washes herself like me,--let her come up." "No,--come you here." +"She is quite clean,--I wash her myself sometimes." "No, come here I +tell you." + +The girl came to me dawling. I put my hands up her clothes. A fleshy +little bum met my hand, then in the front a smooth belly, a motte almost +hairless as it seemed. She said not a word, but gave a sort of jerk of +her body, and as my hand touched her bum it jutted forwards, and as I +drew my hand round to her belly she drew her belly back. It did not seem +like shame. She did not utter a word. "Take off your things", said I. + +She drew away from me, and took off her bonnet, then stood still. "Off +with your things," I said throwing off some of mine. "I can't take them +off,--if I do I can't fasten them again, they are in a knot." "Take +them off." "If I do you will have to fasten me." "So I will." Slowly she +stripped to her chemise. "Take that off." "I won't." "Come here then." +She came. Laying hold of her I lifted her bodily, and threw her with her +back on the bed, throwing up her chemise and stretching open her legs +quickly. She gave a suppressed "hoh!" put her hand down to her cunt, and +felt her mons nervously. + +"Take away your hand dear." She took it away, then I pulled open her +little thing. Such a delicious little gap it was, with the smallest +possible quantity of golden hair just showing on it; such a smooth white +belly and thighs, and all so plump, that I was wonder-struck at a young +girl being so round and fine. I had not expected under that shabby black +clothing anything so nice. I was charmed with her head also; in a big +black and shabby bonnet I had seen nothing but a white face and large +blue eyes. Her hair was golden in tone, bright and flowing. + +Whilst pulling off my trowsers she sat up and asked, "Is it big?" For +the instant I did not quite know what she meant. "What's big?" "Your +thing,--measure it." I went up to her pulling out my pego. "It is +big," said she. "It's little," said I. "It ain't,--it's big." "No." +"Yes,--don't push hard sir,--will you now?" "No my dear I won't,--Is it +bigger than other men's pricks?" "I shan't tell you." "Well lay down and +open your thighs,"--again I lifted her on to the bed. "Don't you do it +hard," said she getting up again, "or I won't let you." "Then I won't +pay you." Back she fell, I wetted my prick, put it to the notch, and +with a shove or two was well up her. She gave a "oh,--oooh!" and then +laid quiet. Grasping her fat little bum I fucked, then stopping pulled +out my prick, and looked at her cunt. "What are you a going to do?" said +she in an astonished way. + +"Get quite on to the bed dear." Slow at obeying I helped her into the +posture, and got on to her, and brought my pleasure to an end, lying on +the top of the pretty little girl. + +I lay on her long afterwards, and tried by the muscular contraction +of my arse-cheeks and ballock-roots to stiffen my pego again. She laid +quiet all the time with my prick up her, but I could not manage it, my +prick shrunk. + +A second erection without uncunting being impossible, I got into a +kneeling posture between her open legs, and checked a slight movement +on her part saying, "Now lie quiet,--don't move." There was I kneeling +between her thighs; looking down I saw her half-opened cunt with the +gruelly tide issuing from it, took my prick in hand half its potential +size, flabby and wet, pulled back the skin, and out rolled a large drop +of sperm on to her thigh. She lay quite quiet, looking at me, her yellow +hair falling all around her head as it lay on the pillow. Now I was +astonished at her beauty, I had not noticed it fully before. + +"You are very handsome,--how old are you?" "Fifteen and a little." "You +must be more." "I don't know, but mother says so." I looked at her cunt, +the hair on it was not an eighth of an inch long, scarcely any of it, +and of course showing no intention of curling, but her form was so round +that I could not believe she was so young. "Fifteen and a little," she +repeated, her aunt and her mother had been disputing the day of her +birth; her mother was out of her mind when she gave birth to her. "Aunt +says I ain't fifteen." + +"Give the other gal a shilling,--do," she broke in whilst I was +questioning her about age, and kneeling between her thighs. "What are +you so anxious about the other girl for?" "She lives over us, and is my +friend,--will you give her a shilling?--do." "Why?" "Do,--if you don't +I shall give her a shilling of mine, and give her some of mine +anyhow,--you said you'd give me three and sixpence, didn't you?" + +Curiously amused I laughed. "I'll give you a shilling for her, if you +let me do it to you again." "Oh! _do_," said she. + +It was hot, I had not reposed after my pleasure, so quitting my kneeling +position I laid down besides her, and began feeling her breasts. She +turned her head towards me. "You have not washed yourself," said I after +a minute's amusement with her bubbles. "It ain't no good if yer ar going +to make a mess in it agin,--when you've done it I'll wash it all out +together." I thought from that speech she was not an old one at the +game, yet after all she only behaved as every young girl I have had +usually behaved, they have mostly objected to washing their cunts +directly after a poke, I think they rarely wash it until requested. +There must be some sweet tranquillizing pleasure which a man's sperm +gives to a woman's cunt, and makes her undesirous of washing it out. It +is only when a woman knows it is good for her health if she be gay, that +she ever does it. No married woman washes the sperm out of her cunt, yet +in the morning after a night's fucking you never find the sperm if you +feel in the cunt for it,--where does it go?--it is absorbed I suppose. + +We lay thus and talked. "How old are you really?" "Fifteen and two +months, as I told yer,--I always was fat, but ain't so fat as I was +though,--father used to say I should get fat on gruel." I should have +guessed her full sixteen had it not been for the little hair there was +on her motte, and the delicate pink small cut, and tight prick-hole. +"How long have you been gay?" "I ain't gay," said she astonished. "Yes +you are." "No I ain't." "You let men fuck you, don't you?" "Yes, but I +ain't gay." "What do you call gay?" "Why the gals who come out regular +of a night dressed up, and gets their livings by it." I was amused. + +"Don't you?" "No, mother keeps me." "What is your father?" "Got none, +he's dead three months back,--mother works, and keeps us.--she is a +charwoman, and goes out on odd jobs." "Don't you work?" "Not now," said +she in a confused way, "mother does not want me to, I takes care of the +others." "What others?" "The young ones." "How many?" "Two,--one's a +boy, and one's a gal." "How old?" "Sister's about six, and brother's +nearly eight,--but what do you ask me all this for?" "Only for +amusement,--then you are in mourning for your father?" "Yes, it's +shabby, ain't it?--I wish I could have nice clothes, I've got nice +boots,--ain't they?"--cocking up one leg, "a lady gived em me when +father died,--they are my best." + +"Are you often in the Strand?" "When I gets out I likes walking in it, +and looking at the shops,--I do if mother's out for the day." "Does she +know you are out?" The girl who had been lying on her back with her +head full towards me, turned on her side, and giggling said in a sort of +confidential way, "Bless you no,--she'd beat me if she knew,--when +she be out I locks them up, and takes the key, and then I goes back +to them,--I've got the key in my pocket, and shall be home before +mother,--she is out for the whole day." + +"Do the children know you're out?" "No, I says to them, 'You be quiet +now, I'm going to the yard.'" "What's the yard?" said I not reflecting. +The girl thought a minute, chuckled, turned her head, and was silent, +she was actually blushing. "What's the yard?" Suddenly it struck me, +"Going to the privy?" She burst out laughing. "Yes that's it, I say I'm +going to the privy, and then I comes out with her, and they can't get +out, so they are all right, and we go back together if she's with me; if +she ain't I go back by myself,--there,"--and she stopped satisfied with +her explanation. "They may set fire to themselves," said I. "There ain't +no fire after we have had breakfast, I puts it out, and lights it at +night if mother wants hot water." + +"What do you do with yourself all day?" "I washed both of them, I gives +them food if we've got any, then washes the floor and everything, and +then washes myself, then I looks out of the winer." "Wash yourself." +"Yes I washes from head to foot allus." "Have you a tub?" "No we've only +got a pail and a bowl, but I'm beautiful clean,--mother tells every one +I'm the beautifullest clean gal a mother ever had,--I wash everything, +mother's too tired. Sometimes we all go out and walk, but that's at +night; sometime I lays abed nearly all day." + +She was beautifully clean in her flesh, her linen was clean, its color +awful; but what could be expected from a pail, a bowl, and one room to +dry things in. "You can't always be washing." "No, I do all the mending +and making,--look how my finger is pricked," said she showing it. + +I had been smoothing and feeling her all over, her unwashed cunt had +come in for its share of my attentions, I had been twiddling it till +outside it was dry. Recurring to the never-failing, and always charming +theme, I got close to her, kissed her, my fingers sought the innermost +recesses of her tight little orifice. "Don't you like fucking?--does it +give you pleasure?" "It never gived me much pleasure that I know on," +she replied. "But you don't dislike it?" "Not if they don't hurt me." +"Do they ever?" "One or two have, if they push hard,--but I shan't say +no more,--there." + +There was a frankness, openness, and freshness about this girl which +delighted me. Question after question I put, and would be answered; +if evaded I put it in another shape, but she seemed willing mostly to +reply. I put into her little head things she had never dreamed of, +and all the time kept rubbing her clitoris, probing her little quim, +distending it, tickling it, and exciting her till she wriggled her +little fat bum. + +"Do I hurt you?" "Oh! no,"--"let me then,"--"oh! don't sir,--I wish you +would not." "Did you never enjoy the prick up you?--never enjoy a fuck! +--you shall enjoy it with me." "Don't now," said she turning herself +round as I frigged on. "Feel my prick dear." She did not need a second +invitation. "Is it not stiff?" "Yes, and big." "Yes,--yes,--but oh! +don't sir,--take away your hand,--ah!" I talked on, frigging and +tickling, my prick throbbing, but restraining myself, for instinct told +me she was about to enjoy a pleasure she had never enjoyed yet. All at +once she relinquished my prick, a slight heaving of her belly, and her +eyes closed, then I knew she was ready to discharge. + +I ceased to frig, her eyes opened, her thighs which had closed opened +again. I joined my body to hers, and we were one, I fucked,--_we_ fucked +now, for the little lass in a minute or two was dissolving in pleasure +whilst I was pissing my sperm up her, groaning as the tightness of +her little cunt squeezed my sensitive prick. If Kitty was not a harlot +before, she was from that minute she had her spend with me. + +She laid quite quiet till nature dissolved our fleshy union by uncunting +me, then I laid by her side, she on her back, her thighs wide open, her +eyes closed. + +"Don't it give you pleasure?" After repeating that half-a-dozen times +she said, "I don't know." "Yes you do,--did you spend?" "I don't +know what a girl's spending is," said she. "Did my prick give you +pleasure,--tell me Kitty?" At length she said yes, and she had never had +pleasure with men before. (Two years afterwards she repeated that the +first pleasure she ever had with a man was with me.) "Wash yourself." +"I'll wash when I go home." "Wash now you little beast." "What does +it matter to you?" "Wash you little devil." She washed carefully, and +whilst doing so, "Piddle," said I. "I can't abear to piddle before a +man,--what a funny man you are." "Piddle my dear," and the little dear +piddled. + +Wiping herself dry she stopped in the middle of the operation and asked, +"Why wouldn't you have the other gal?" "What do you want me to have her +for?" "She's very poor." "What do you do with your money?" "Buy things +to eat,--mother's very poor, we often ain't got enough to eat." "Then +you get a little money by being gay." "I ain't gay I tell you." "Well +your friend is I suppose, and gets money." "No she doesn't,--she +isn't gay either,--no man ain't ever done it to her, she's such a +_foule_,--but she would a come in to-day with you, she said she would, +and she were just a comin when you sent her off,--she promised me, she'd +let yer if you wanted,--but she is a foule though." + +"I don't believe that." "It's God's truth though, she ain't, she says +she ain't; she knows what men want gals for, but she's never let any +one,--I know she ain't, she is frightened." "Have you looked at her +cunt?" "Often," said Kitty. "And she's looked at yours?" "Of course she +has,--she lives over us I tell you, I go up to her, and she comes down +to me when mother's out,--I wash her." "You seem fond of washing." "I +likes things clean." I thought for an instant, "It may be true, I should +like to see her cunt if she's never been poked,--what object has this +little lass in pressing this so?" Then said I, "Tell me the truth, and +I'll give you another shilling,--don't lie,--I shall soon tell whether +you're lying or not," and getting up, "here is three and six (I had it +on the mantle-piece), here's a shilling for her, and there is another. +If you answer truly, I'll see you again; but I'll never see you again if +I find you are making up lies,--come here." And I sat down. + +She came forward, I pulled her between my naked legs, her naked thighs +met mine, her little cunt was close to my prick, I put my hand round her +fat little bum, and looked her in the face, pressing her belly close to +mine. + +"What do you want me to have her for?" "Only cos she's so poor,--why +she only gets sixpence a day,--she works at sack-making,--oh! isn't it +hard!--and her hands if you seed em, are hard and brown, stained with +the string, and what the works with,--mother wants me to work at them at +home, but I won't--I tells her I'd run away first,--she is so little she +can't carry the sacks home as other gals do; so a strong young woman who +works at sacks carries them home for her, and charges her twopence for +it,--they car-ries them home on the top of their heads; but she is too +little, she is." (At that time women worked at sack-making, and carried +them home on their heads.) + +"Can she put her finger up her cunt?" "I shan't tell you all that," said +she turning nasty. "Is her cunt as open as yours?" "No it ain't." "Then +she can't get her finger up." "Oh! you are a rum cove, you are," +said she breaking away from me, "I never seed the like of you. I must +go,--tell me what time it is." "Half-past four." "I'll go,--I give the +children something to eat about this time." "Come here, or I won't give +you the shillings." We resumed our positions. "Are you sure she has +never had a man?" "Never, she's such a _foule_,--she says she'd like to, +and she'd like the money, and yet she won't,--she is _such_ a _foule_." +"How long have _you_ done it?" "Only since we have lived this side of +the water, after father died." "How many men have you had?" "I shan't +say,--I don't recollect,--it arn't no business of yourn,--you don't +like me." "Yes I like you, but I won't tell,--no it isn't a dozen,--I +shan't say who first did it,--I shan't then,--it isn't a dozen,--yes I +am quite sure, I don't think it's ten, but it may be about that, I think +it's eight,--they didn't all do it to me, no they didn't,--one on em +only put his hands up my clothes, and went off in a minute; another +pulled up my clothes, and looked at me, and then he--" She stopped, and +I could not get her to say what, so promised her another shilling. "I +don't know what he did." "Frig himself?" "I don't know what you call +it,--yes he did that," said the girl bursting into a roar of laughter +when I showed her the operation. "I looked at him, and he went away +without speaking,--he only gave me half-a-crown; but an old gentleman +one day gave me a gold bit of ten shillings." She began counting on her +fingers. I thought she was reckoning her gains, she was a long time at +it, doing it over and over again; at length, "It's seven," said she. +"What?" "Gentlemen,--you make eight." + +"Your little friend is too young," said I. "She is fourteen, but shorter +than me." "Has she any hair on her cunt?" "You can just see some coming, +and it's black." "She is dirty." "No she ain't, but she was till she +knew me,--she can't help her clothes being dirty, but she mends em,--how +I wish I had nice clothes like the gals about at night, and like +gentlefolks!" said Kitty in a sort of ecstacy, and then tossed up +half-a-crown, and caught it. + +I began to long for the other girl, and told her she might bring her the +next day, that she should have three and sixpence, and her friend the +same, and more if I did it. Kitty went off agreeing to meet me with her +if their mothers were out, but if not, the day after, all depended on +their mothers' absence. She would listen to the church-clock, and as it +struck three she would leave; it was only by listening that she knew the +time. She would put by a penny for the bridge-toll; generally she went +round by Westminster bridge to avoid paying the penny. Then we left. +Her little friend I found was loitering close by. They went into a +pastry-cook's, and I watched them both eating together as they went +along towards Waterloo bridge, Kitt and Pol. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + Little Pol consents.--Arsy-versy.--Broached, and howling.-- + Kitty's vocalization.--A cheap virginity.--Two hours after.-- + Love's money lost.--The street-gully.--Kitty pleases.--Pol + tires.--Kitty's habits.--Friendliness and frankness.-- + Sausage rolls.--Confessions of lust. + +On the appointed day I saw Kitty but alone, she followed me to the +house, and soon by my pego her sweet little cunt was distended. I had +her all the afternoon, and tailed her to the extent of my powers. The +girl was delighted, her eyes sparkled with lewdness. Was fucking nice? +"Oh! yes, yes," she replied, it was nicer than she thought, nicer +than gals told her it would be. This was after I had called her at our +meeting a little humbug, for not bringing her friend. The excuse was +that Pol's mother was at home. I did not believe it, but was so content +with her sweet little form, the ease with which I handled her, the +enticing look of the cunt, its tightness, and her pleasant, frank +manners, that I forgot all about the other little one, till going +away, then said, "Mind you bring your friend, and I'll give you five +shillings, but you know you won't, you little storyteller." "I will,--I +shall,--I'll make her come,--she wants, but she is such a foule,--and +she's frightened of her mother." + +Another blazing hot day. The two were looking in at the pastry-cook's, +the taller with her arm round the neck of the other. I watched them for +a minute, Kit often looked around anxiously, and seeing me, moved off +quickly towards the street. I followed on the opposite side of the way, +then stopped. The small one stood with her back against a wall, Kitty +was gesticulating. I went on passing without noticing them. As I passed +I heard, "You are a _foule_,--you're a _liar_,--you said you would." +"I shan't then." Turning the corner I looked back. There they still were +standing as on the first day I saw them. Thought I, "She can't persuade +the little one," so walked on to W..l....n Street, to the Lyceum +portico, and back again in a fever of expectancy. As I got near the +house they both turned the corner, so in I went and waited till both +girls appeared, and soon heard two pairs of feet after me on the same +staircase, two young voices whispering, the Mistress following us all. + +"Why five shillings?" "You have _two_ young ladies to-day, double price +you know sir." I did _not_ know, for it was the first time I had had two +women together in a house. Excited and anxious I had got to fucking-heat +in anticipation of a small unprobed cunt, paid the money, and there was +I with the two little ones face to face, two young cunts at my disposal, +a novelty, and a charming one. The woman closed the door, casting a +queer look at the girls and me. I locked it. + +I put my hand up Kitty's clothes, the other girl, an ugly little imp +in a bonnet as big as a coal-scuttle, and with boots which looked as if +they were her mother's, stood and stared with eyes wide open,--they were +dark, and her hair nearly black. "Come here my dear." "Come to him," +said Kitty. The girl drew near, I took her on my knee. "So you are the +friend of Kitty, and we are going to play with each other naked, aren't +we?--I'm going to look at your cunt, and you are going to feel my cock." +She made no reply. "I'm going to look where your piddle comes out, +aren't I?" "_No_," said the girl sullenly after reflecting a minute, and +hanging her head on one side, "I shan't." + +"Yes he is you foule,--oh! you _are_ a foule," burst out Kitty, "I wish +I didn't know you, you are _such_ a foule,--she said she would sir, +she knows all about it, she does, she knows what she has comed for, she +does,--now don't be a foule (in a threatening manner), I won't speak to +you agin, nor gi yer nothink (Kitty's English was awful),--you may get +yer belly filled, I won't help fill it." All this over and over again, +in anger. + +The girl looked at Kitty humbly. "Well I will then." I put my hands up +her petticoats on to a lean pair of thighs. "Take off your things." "Yes +_take_ them off," said Kitty helping her off with her bonnet, and to +undress. "Are you going to take off yours Kitty?" said she. "Yes when +you have," and without more ado she stripped the girl to her chemise, +and herself likewise. I took off all but my shirt and socks. It was a +sweating hot day. + +The girl was not very inviting, was heavy and lubberly, and looked as if +she had not enough to eat; but there was in her a virgin cunt, so I was +told, although even then a little sceptical about what a female told me +on that point. My tooleywag was standing at the idea, I shook it before +them, and calling both to me held them round their naked bums, and made +them feel me. The pair of little fists anxiously feeling from the root +of my balls to the tip of the piercer soon rendered me impatient for +action. I was near the side of the bed facing the windows, and through +the white blinds came the strong light of a summer's afternoon. Lifting +the fresh one from my knee I put her on her back on the bed, and lifted +her scanty chemise. Close went her legs together, I opened them, she +resisted, I grew angry, Kitty called her a foule. Coaxed and bullied +at the same time she yielded, I pulled the legs wide open, and kneeling +threw one over my shoulder, the other I pressed outwards, and with my +other hand opened her cunt-lips wide; then she kicked her legs over me, +and turning arse upwards got up. A little row, again she yielded, again +served me the same trick. I damned her for a bitch, and Kitty reviled +her. "She is a fool Kitty,--show her what I want." Kitty hesitated +a moment, then throwing herself on to the bed opened her thighs, and +pulled her cunt-lips apart. The young one gradually persuaded let me +do for her what Kitty did for herself, after she had carefully studied +Kitty's quim for a minute. + +I saw with speechless excitement the girl's cunt, which seemed at first +glance as if a prick had entered it; but looking more closely saw that +the perforation was too small. I thrust gently my finger up it,--a +cry,--a howl. "Don't,--you're a hurting," and again the little devil +was arse upwards on the bed. Again I coaxed, promised, lied, and Kitty +bullied; again I saw the cunt, that it was not like cunts that had been +fucked: the hairless lips, a little black tint just above the notch, +a little hole. My eyesight failed me, the demon of desire said, "It's +fresh, it's virgin,--bore it,--bung it,--plug it,--stretch it,--split +it,--spunk in it," and I laid hold of her thin backside mad with lust, +kissing and sniffling at her cunt. + +"Let's lay on the bed, and all strip quite naked,--it's so hot." "Yes +do," said Kitty. She stripped the girl of her pea-soup coloured rag, +and we both stripped. There we were in a minute all three naked, close +together, with but little room, the girl in the middle. I pressed to +her, put her hand round my prick, talked baudy. Kitty said, "Now let +him." The girl said no. I put one leg over, and worked myself between +her little thighs, partly holding myself up on my elbow and pattering +baudy which Kitty kept repeating. "It won't hurt dear." "No it won't +hurt," said Kitty. "Just let me touch it with his prick." Kitty in her +anxiety slipped right off the bed, and getting herself up stood by the +bedside repeating the baudy words I uttered. + +The girl lay quiet, Kitty telling her not to be a fool; but _I_ was a +fool, for the notch being small I did not hit it well. Putting my prick +down to where my fingers underlied the split, I pushed towards the goal, +not pressing her with my body, but keeping my weight off by leaning on +my right elbow, for it seemed that if I laid on her I should crush +and frighten her, the girl seemed so slim. My tool struck hard at the +orifice, she howled. Fearing to miss my game I then fell with the +full weight of my body on her, grasping her thin buttocks, and nearly +stifling her on that hot afternoon, determined to have her if I killed +her. The girl gave howl after howl, and I rammed with all my might +the more. "Hish!--hold your tongue you foule," said Kitty. As the girl +wriggled violently, and cried. + +"Damn you, if you are not quiet I'll rip your dress into ribbons, and +you may go home, and tell your mother what you like,--damn you I'll +murder you,--I'll give you ten shillings." "You fool he'll give you ten +shillings." I heard no more, oscillating my arse, and driving with all +my force between her legs, I knew not how, I knew not where. Still the +girl howled, and Kitty kept hushing. + +"The woman will turn us out of the house you foule,--she won't let me +come in again,--oh! you foule," said Kitty. In my blind battering I +at last lodged the tip well between the lips. The next instant with a +cunt-splitting thrust I was up the howling little bitch who wriggled +like an eel; but I held her skinny arse up to me like a vice, kept my +peg fixed and un-moveably up her in spite of her. Her wriggles alone +would have kept it stiff enough, and fetched me. "Be quiet,--I am up +you,--I can't h--hurt--you--now,--ah!"--and my spunk was up the virgin +quim of the ugly little devil. + +She laid quiet, but whinning, "Oh! you said you would not hurt +me,--ho!--hho!" she sobbed, then laid quite still with my prick up her, +snottily whimpering, "o--oho!"--and all was tranquil, I nearly asleep. + +"Is it in her?" said Kitty in a whisper, "is it in yer Pol?" Having got +no answer from me. "Oh! what a foule you are." "I've done it," said +I. "Let her get up," said Kit. I don't recollect having been up such a +tight cunt, not that it gave me pleasure, but the extreme tightness was +such a novelty. "I will do it again." "Have you done it really?" said +Kitty. "Put your hand and feel," said I opening my legs a little to +let Kitty feel under my testicles, "my prick's right up her cunt +now,--feel." + +"Have you done it really?" "Yes,--feel." "Ri--tol--lural--li--do!" +said Kitty setting off in a happy dance all round the room. I went on +fucking, keeping the girl quiet, I could pull her little form up to me +as tight as wax, and coaxing and promising all sorts of things I fucked +her again without uncunting. + +"Have you really done it?" said Kitty again. "Yes twice,--put your hand +up under my balls and feel." Kitty thinking better of the suggestion +this time did so, and satisfying herself that my prick was out of her +touch, set off dancing again with a "ri--too--ralooral--ledo!" I got +off the girl, the hair of my prick saturated with blood and spunk. "She +is bleeding." The girl began snivelling worse than ever when she heard +that, and began feeling her cunt. + +"What are you crying for you foule?--did he hurt you much?--let's look +at it,"--and Kitty looked at the little quim bunged up with sperm mixed +with blood. "Oh! ain't he done it!--ritollooralado, ritolloolra-lado," +and she capered again. "What are you dancing and singing for?" I asked. +"She's had it done,--oh! look what a mess is on the bed, the woman will +kick up a row." + +"Get up and wash it you fool, and don't cry." "It hurts." "Wash it." +"It will hurt." "No it won't you foule." Here Kitty put a basin on the +floor, pushed the girl towards it, and made her wash. Then we got her on +to the bed, and both of us took a long, long look at her split. It was +bleeding freely, I saw the ragged edge my intrusion had made, and not +feeling inclined for more fucking gave the girl half-a-sovereign in +gold, Kitty five shillings, and went off leaving them still naked, Kitty +from time to time looking at her friend's wounded orifice, and saying it +would soon be all right, that her thing had bled also. I had fear that I +might be in trouble through my voluptuousness, although a girl of twelve +years is competent to judge of her own fitness for fucking, and many not +a month over that age are plugged daily in London. + +I had to go to the Temple that afternoon, returning along the Strand an +hour afterwards, not thinking of my afternoon's amusement, for I had had +a disagreeable interview with solicitors, when just at the end of C----- +Street was a slight crowd, in the middle of it the two girls, and the +one I had fucked an hour before crying. Some man gave her money. "Oh! +Lord," thought I, "here is a row about what I have been doing," so got +into a cab, and drove off. When a mile away I began to reflect, and felt +more comfortable, but still uneasy, and determined not to meet them the +next day as I had promised. The day after I saw Kitty walking by +herself, that funked me again, so I cut away without her seeing me. +Thought I, "There will be a row about that ugly little lump having been +pierced, I will go no more." But the letch was so strong that I could +not resist, and on the third day driving past in a cab I saw the two +girls as usual looking in at shops. Alighting I winked as I passed, +heard one say, "Here he is," and three minutes afterwards we were all in +the house again. + +To strip the two, and examine their cunts was an affair of five minutes, +then laying the little one open-legged I looked at hers tranquilly, and +saw how the slit was completed. The girl whose name I forget, but will +call Pol, put her finger down, and indicated where, she felt a +difference had been made in the shape. I fucked the lass at the side of +the bed, proping up her skinny rump with pillows, Kitty with her face +about a foot off admiring the prick as it shoved in and out the little +red orifice. It was a novelty to her to see it done. + +Kitty was an odd girl. "Don't hurt her now," she kept saying. The little +one had objected to my probing her again with my prick, but saying I +should otherwise not give her a farthing she consented. My delight +was increased by the power I found I had of making her howl whenever I +shoved vigorously, and I nearly knocked my prick through into her womb I +imagine. The more she howled the more I banged my prick up her, the more +I enjoyed her. + +When it was over I asked how she had spent her money. Out burst the +little animal into tears. "She made me drop it, I didn't spend any of +it sir, I lost it." "You dropped it yourself," said Kitty. "You lie." +"I don't." "She does,"--and so on, and I got at the facts when Kitty had +vigorously slapped the face of her friend, and called her fifty times a +_foule_. + +Going into the Strand the girl had the money in her hand, Kitty told her +to put it into her pocket. She refused. Kitty said she would lose it, +and just then she dropped it close by a sewer-grating, down which the +half-sovereign went. The girl cried, the two quarrelled, and there was +soon a crowd round them. Kitty said that the girl's mother had given her +a half-sovereign to buy some bread with, and she had lost it. Some one +gave the girl sixpence, the crowd dispersed, and Pol lost the fruits of +her first fucking. Never was lost a virginity so poorly rewarded. I did +not make up her loss, but gave her half-a-crown with which she was well +contented. I certainly was in luck to get all this fun for such trifling +sums, I being still in poorish circumstances. Five years before I would +have given thirty pounds for the same, and had paid two hundred for +Louise. + +Giving Kitty three and six, and beginning to put on my drawers she said, +"Oh! do it to me, you have done it to her." "Do you want it?" "Yes." +"Feel my cock." Kitty grasped it eagerly, we got on to the bed, Pol +watched now the graceful manipulation, insertion, and wriggles of +pleasure of her friend, for Kitty was fast learning fucking, though +quite innocent of the art of frigging. I never knew such a bungler as +she was at her first attempt at that. + +I grew tired of ugly little Pol when I had bored her a few times, and +would not have her again. Kitty I continued to see, she was a most +amusing girl. Too young on the town to have learnt the tricks and +cunning of a harlot, naturally frank and truthful, with some liking for +me (for she looked forward to our voluptuous dallyings), she gave me for +a long time much amusement, and I heard the incidents of her short life. +She would jabber like a magpie about them when she knew me well, which +she soon did, and began to look to me regularly for her supply of money. + +She used directly she caught sight of me, to walk as fast as possible +towards the house, and get in before me. She was in the room waiting and +grinning when I got there. "Shall I take off my things?" "Yes." Off +they went, and on to the bed the plump white-skinned little girl rolled +whilst I undressed at leisure. "Open your legs Kit, and let's see your +cunt." How she clutched my prick the moment I was by the side of her. It +really was very nice. + +She said, "I buy things to eat, I can't eat what mother gives us, she is +poor, and works very hard, she'd give us more, but she can't; so I +buys food, and gives the others what mother gives me, they don't know +better,--if mother's there I eat some, sometimes we have only gruel and +salt; if we have a fire we toast the bread, but I can't eat it if I am +not dreadful hungry." "What do you like?" "Pies and sausage-rolls," +said the girl smacking her lips and laughing, "oh! my eye ain't they +prime,--oh!" "That's what you went gay for?" "I'm not gay," said she +sulkily. "Well what you let men fuck you for." "Yes." "Sausage-rolls?" +"Yes, meat-pies and pastry too." + +"What did you let the first man do it to you for?" "I don't know, he +came up to me and told me he'd give me some money, if I would go to +a house with him,--he only wanted to talk with me, and I was then so +hungry. He took me to No. 4, just opposite here, and did it to me." +"What did he give you?" "Five shillings." "You had never had it before?" +"Never." "I don't believe you." "I never had, I'm only fifteen and +a little,--he met me in the Strand near where you did," she cried +indignantly. "Did he hurt you?" "Yes, and made me bleed,--I was upset, +and didn't think much about it till I got home and found my shemmy +bloody. I washed it, and put it on again quite wet, so that mother +mightn't know." + +As she talked she would feel my cock, every now and then raise her head +to look at it, fall back again as if satisfied, and go on feeling it and +talking. + +She was intensely curious about my prick, would lay and examine it for +half-an-hour at a time silently. One day after feeling it she asked +if she might do what she liked with it. Certainly. She moved on to her +knees (we were both stark naked on the bed, and had fucked not long +before), and began feeling it, skinning, then covering the tip, looking +under the balls and smelling it. "How smooth and red it is," said +she,--"Does that hurt?" and she rubbed her finger over the tip orifice. +"A little,--wet your finger," She did. "Shall I wet it with my tongue?" +"Do." She licked it, and bit by bit put it into her mouth, asking me +occasionally if she hurt me. I laid amused with the sexual promptings of +her nature. She took it out of her mouth, put it in again, then it got +stiff, then she laughed. "Isn't it funny?" said she, "how smooth and red +it is,--first it's flabby, then it's stiff,"--and she relinquished it, +laying down across me, and contemplating it quite silently. + +"Did you do that to the other gentleman?" I asked. "Oh! no, never,--I +didn't think about it,--only one on em stopped long,"--and she told me +about all of their doings. She could never make out but seven, though +she always asserted there were eight who had had her before me. + +I did not like either cock-sucking or cunt-licking at that epoch, and +stopped Kitty who was bent on stiffening it with her mouth. She had no +idea however of giving me a pleasure that way, it was simply curiosity +and novelty. Often she did the same thing, indeed always had a quarter +of an hour at it. + +I saw her about twice a week, sometimes more, it was all she could +manage "in dodging her mother." I gave her three and sixpence each time, +which made her quite happy and contented, and it was a very economical +pleasure to me. She learnt much from me, in six weeks blushed at +nothing, and was impatient to be fucked. "Do that afterwards," would she +say if I dallied long in the preliminaries, then quietly, "Oh! ain't +it pleasure!" she added in an artless satisfied way. Then somehow she +persuaded her mother that she might go out if fine for a little time in +the afternoon, and she was let out occasionally when the mother was +at home, but which rarely was the case; and then I saw the pretty lass +almost daily, but always in the afternoon; and her impatience to have +the pleasure of fucking became almost comical. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + Kitty's antecedents.--The fishmonger's.--Jim the shopman.-- + Betty the maid.--Females in bed.--Mutual curiosity.-- + Letchery and frigging.--Educated in coition.--Against the + kitchen-wall.--Jim in bed.--Betty's cunt washed out.--A look + in the basin.--Cousin Grace, and cousin Bob.--Bob on the + spree.--A scuffle.--Topsy-turvy.--Arsy-versy.--Bob's semen.-- + A masturbating duet.--Caught in the act.--Kicked out. + +I questioned her many a time, and put together here consecutively what +she said. She was as much pleased to gossip about it as I was. + +She was the daughter of a carpenter, had been kept at home to help +her mother, till six months previously to my meeting her, when growing +restive, and I dare say her animal vigor inciting her to go forth into +the world, she went into a situation at a fishmonger's who wanted some +girl to nurse a little child, his wife being ill. + +I believed she had told me most things about herself from the time the +doodle had first penetrated her: yet why had not such a big girl been +put to earn her living? she said that her mother was always in the +family way, or a child was ill, so she being the biggest helped at home. + +But she had been in service, about all of which she told me one hot +afternoon. Ice was then a luxury, they charged two pence extra for a +bottle of gingerbeer iced. She was fond of gingerbeer, we had some iced +with sherry, and lay on the bed drinking it as she told me her story +bit by bit. This is an account of my doings, and not of tales told me by +others, but I must tell _her_ tale, for I believed every bit of it, and +it is almost part of my own, and this is how it came out. + +"If you never spent with a man till you did with me, you had frigged +yourself." "I never did till the gal at the fishmonger's did it to +me,--we slept together." "Then you had been in service?" "Only two +months, I went to mind a little child." + +The fishmonger was a little struggling tradesman, in a house with a +shop on the ground-floor, and a little back-parlour, and kitchens, and a +cellar below where they kept fish-baskets. + +Over the shop were two rooms, one was the fishmonger's bed-room, and two +bed-rooms above. The wife was confined to her bed, and her husband slept +alone in the back-room which was usually the female servant's; so the +servant was put into a bed on the top-floor. This maid cooked, cleaned, +did everything, and had an eye as well to the shop if her Mistress was +ill, and when Master and his man were out; but she could not mind the +child as well. The fishmonger asked the carpenter if he knew of a strong +steady lass, the carpenter named his own girl, and Kitty went for grub, +lodging, and one and six a week. She was to sleep with the maid on the +top-floor over the rooms where Master and Mistress slept. The servant's +name was Betty. + +The fishmonger drank. A young man named Jim went with him to market, and +sometimes without him if he had been very drunk over night. Jim opened +the shop, harnessed the horse and cart, and every night when the Master +went to bed, Jim went to the underground kitchen, opened a cupboard, +pulled down something called a bed, and slept there. + +Jim was up first, and to bed but last, could not go to bed till the +maid-of-all-work was out of the kitchen. Jim pissed in the sink, and +made his own bed every morning as soon as he got up, which was done +by turning it up somehow into the cupboard, and then he called up his +Master and the maid. The privy was in the yard. + +Kitty took charge of the child, and the first night as she was going to +bed and took her things off Betty said, "Where is your night-gown?" "I +ain't got none," said Kitty, "I sleep in my shemmy." Betty tossed up +her head. Kitty cried. "Father's a poor man," said she, "but he's +respectable, and though I sleeps in my shemmy I am very clean, I washes +all over every day,--look at my legs and my neck,--but with my first +week's wages I'll buy a night-gown." + +"Never mind," said Betty, "you _are_ clean, and you're fat,--your +dad gives you lots of grub,--don't cry, I only said, 'where's your +night-gown?'--Lord you are fat for your age!--how old did you say you +were?--why what a big bum you've got for your age!" + +Kitty had been staring at Betty, and the hair on the bottom of her +belly. "She was so hairy," said Kitty to me, "I had never seen a woman +naked before, and the hair on her belly made me look." "Say on her cunt +Kitty." "Well on her cunt,--such lots, and so black,--I had seen gals' +things, my cousins used to show me theirs, and I showed them mine to see +how our hair was coming; but I did not think a woman could grow such a +lot there." + +It was a cold night, the girl and the woman were in bed. "Come closer, +we will be warmer." Kitty got closer, then Bet began feeling Kitty. How +smooth, how soft she was, how plump, and not quite fifteen?--what a +bum,--why her thighs were quite large. "Oh! don't mind I want to warm my +hand, between your thighs, put your hand between mine,--there,--you've +just a little hair coming on your thing,--feel mine, it's like the hair +on your head, isn't it?--I am only twenty-five,--but when you are +twenty you will have as much Kitty. Your hand is cold, put it between +my thighs, we will warm each other there. What a nice little thing your +cunt is," said Betty feeling the little one's. + +Soon the very first night they felt each other's flesh, Kitty wondering +at the cunt and hair of the grown woman, Betty thinking perhaps of what +I can only guess at. Kitty went to sleep with one hand between Betty's +thighs, and awaking in the night felt Betty again who was asleep and +snoring. She was a stout, big-built, fat-arsed, black-bristle-cunted +woman (that is from Kitty's description), but she must have been older +than she said, for the hair was thick and black in her armpits, and she +had slight hair on her lips besides. + +Betty got more free next night. "You've a sweetheart, and you let him +feel this little thing,--the men call it cunt." Kitty said she had not, +and had not been felt. "I know better, you let him put his cock up it." +Kitty did not. "What never been fucked?--that is what men call it,--let +me feel." "No." Betty felt Kitty's cunt, and hurt her. "Well I don't +believe you have,--you are a stupid,--it's half the pleasure of +life,--feel my cunt,--give me your hand,--there your fingers are on +it,--oh! it don't hurt, you may feel right up." + +Kitty was overwhelmed and ashamed. "I did not like it, but yet I felt so +curious that I let my fingers go where she placed them, and I felt all +about her thing." "Cunt Kitty." "Well about her cunt." + +So gradually at night the elder led on the younger, by talking, feeling, +and telling the little one all she knew, explaining the pleasures of +fucking, the male mysteries, and male tastes and habits, although she +was what was called respectable, and worked hard for her living as +maid-of-all-work. + +Betty pushed matters further. "I don't quite believe you are a +maid,--let me look,--would you not like to look at me?--show me yours, +I'll show you mine." Curiosity to see the cunt of a full-grown woman +took possession of Kit. + +On Sunday Jim had a holiday, the shop was shut, Allwork cooked the +dinner, then the fishmonger had grog, and went to lie down, Betty went +up to clean herself, Kitty and the child went up with her then Kitty +showed her cunt, and Betty showed hers. "It was big, and such lots of +hair,--I'd never seen one before," said Kitty, "she pulled it open wide, +afterwards she pulled mine open, and we looked at each other over and +over again. I'd seen my little sister's and cousin's, and two or three +other gals' things, but they were all young; I'd never seen a big +woman's." + +Kitty getting bolder asked if she had ever let a man do it to her. Yes, +she had been married, and knew all about it. "You never had a child?" +"Never you little fool, there are lots of ways of stopping that,--oh! +I love it, I wish I had a nice young man with a big prick here.--I wish +you were a man." She took Kitty in her arms, and put her on the bed. +"There, lay still on your back, open your legs, and I'll show you how a +man gets on." Kitty did. Then she pulled Kitty on to her, and made her +play the man. "There, move,--push your cunt up against mine,--up and +down,--quick,--there, that's how the man moves when he is fucking till +he spends,--then Lord! ain't he quiet!" + +Within a week the experienced woman talking to the girl about fucking, +had described its pleasures, explained its mysteries, acted and the mode +and manner of the doing, until Kitty felt wild to see, feel, and act it +for herself. + +"Don't you ever frig yourself?" said Bet. "No." "You know what it is?" +"Yes." Betty told of the pleasure a finger could bring her, but Kitty +was not forward in sexual wants, and she had not frigged herself or +known sexual pleasure in her cunt up to that time, though she had +fingered herself. + +"I'll frig you," said she. Kitty objected, but the talk of prick, of the +delight of the male and female in feeling and rubbing each other upset +Kitty, who was growing older, and whose animalism was perhaps rampant +that night. She left a lovely sensation all over her as Bet rubbed her +cunt, and she spent. Betty then took Kit's fingers, and rubbed her own +cunt. "What with _your_ fingers?" "Yes Kitty's fingers," and rubbed them +on her clitoris, and frigged herself with them, Kit supposed. + +That same night alying sleepless under the excitement of the novel +pleasure whilst Allwork snored, Kitty frigged herself. The next night +they frigged together. Betty said, "It's poor pleasure,--I likes a man, +and you'll like a chap,--some one will fancy you soon,--you let him do +it. When you have a great stiff cock up your cunt poking and poking, +and poking away,--oh! it's delicious, and you won't like frigging after +that." + +One night the fishmonger was out, Kitty put the child to bed (he had +the child to sleep in his bed usually). Bet and Kit were in the +shop-parlour, and Jim in the shop. Betty went down to the kitchen, Jim +soon afterwards told Kit to give an eye to the shop, and call him if +wanted, and down he went. Kitty who had been sharpened in three weeks, +who had seen Jim kissing Betty, and giving her funny pokes when he +thought no one was looking, went to the kitchen-stairs, and going down +a few steps slowly and peeping; saw Betty with her back up against the +wall, Jim close up to her and his hands round her, and his bum moving in +a funny way. She knew they were fucking, and fearful of being detected +came softly into the shop again; but she made a noise. Up came Betty, +the Master came home, and told Betty to go to bed, and Jim to shut up. +Soon after Betty washed her cunt. That seems to have been an operation +that Kitty never had seen her perform excepting on Sundays. Kitty then +felt sure that she had caught Bet at the pleasant exercise, for she had +heard how something thick and white came out of the man's cock, and how +it was wise to wash the cunt out afterwards. + +Betty seems to have been suspicious, for she began asking why she had +come down the stairs. To call Jim, a customer having come--but he had +gone away she replied. Betty was too clever to take that in. Did she see +her, she asked. Kitty had seen her and Jim standing close up in front of +her, "and he was moving about, and I told her," said Kitty. + +Kitty on being pressed said she thought they were doing what Betty had +said men and women did. "Fucking me?" "Yes." He was doing nothing of the +sort, that she would swear; but they did it sometimes, for he was going +to marry her soon, and after making Kitty promise not to tell, they went +to sleep. "If you tell," said the knowing older one, "you will lose your +place." + +Next night Betty said, "You be quiet, Jim is going to marry me soon, +only he don't wish it known, he is coming up when Master's asleep, and +going to lay down by the side of me,--you sham to be asleep." Kitty +remarked, "He can't lay here all night." No, when he had had his +pleasure he would go. Kitty had fear come over her, but promised, then +fell asleep, but awakened, and heard Jim say in a whisper, "She sleeps +like a top." Then was a rustling and rumpling about, and Jim cried, "Oh! +cunt," Betty said, "hush!" they kissed, sighed, and Jim crept softly +away, Betty got out and washed her cunt in the dark, and found Kit was +awake. + +This went on for several nights, Betty had oiled the lock and hinges of +the door, and when she heard the Master go up to bed, would softly open +the door, and leave it ajar. When Jim had emptied his ballocks he would +leave and close the door gently, Bet would light the candle, and wash +her cunt. One night she said to Kitty, "Come and see the stuff that +comes out of a man's prick." Kitty jumped out of bed, saw the seminal +sediment that Betty had washed out of her, and stood looking at Jim's +spendings at the bottom of the wash-stand basin. "Look how thick it is," +said Bet. "We have no thick stuff, have we?" Then she felt it. "You are +a beast," said Kit. "Wait till you have a sweetheart," said Bet. + +"Why," said I to Kit, "I asked you before if you had seen any one frig, +and you said only your cousin." "Yes," replied she, "my cousin Grace, +you didn't ask me about any one else, but I did see a young man once do +it to himself," added Kitty, "it was my cousin Bob." + +I made her tell me all about that. She had cousins male and female, one +named Grace her friend, and a cousin Bob, who used to go and see them; +he was a favorite of Kitty's mother, a lad of sixteen, a carpenter. +Grace must have been about a year older than Kitty. + +Kitty's parents lived in two rooms, and had the right to use a +wash-house. I am sure from all she said they were steady working-people. +The mother went out sometimes charring, leaving Kitty at home to mind +the children. She was useful at home, mended and made their linen. Grace +often used to help her at needle-work. + +Before Kit went to the fishmonger's she was at home one day mending, and +Grace with her. Grace was always talking about what she knew, and had +frigged herself before Kit. Kit had tried to frig, but got nothing but +a pleasant sort of feeling, nothing approaching the luscious crisis that +she felt when Betty tried her middle-finger on her clitoris. + +A knock at the door. "Who is there?" "Bob." Kitty had been forbidden +under pain of having her ears boxed, to let Bob or any one else in when +her parents were out. "You can't come in," she cried. "Let's in for a +minute, I've got something to tell you." "Tell me through the door." "No +they will hear upstairs." "No." Bob began rapping a tune with his fists +on the door. Grace said, "The lodgers will tell your mother." Bob who +seems to have been a little fresh said, "Oh! won't you be sorry," and +tramped downstairs. + +A noise outside. "Why there he is again." "Is that you Bob?" No reply. +"See if it's some one else." There was a shuffling outside. Grace got +up and cautiously opened the door peeping. A big foot was thrust in, and +she couldn't close it, then pushing the door wide open, and himself into +the room comes Bob. Probably with the instinct of what might follow Kit +had thrust the two children into the bed-room. Females are strange and +cunning animals; even at an early age, cunt is always ready, always +inciting, and preparing them for cock; knowing or unknowingly, whether +for intrigue, or objectless, or for the delight of doing what is +forbidden; cunt is always inciting the female to help the male, for +"cock and cunt must come together," as poor Fred said. + +Bob was making a half-holiday, had had enough beer to elevate him, and +was of an age at which a prick has a habit of getting inconveniently +stiff. If you can't afford to pay for cunt, or don't know a cunt which +will take you up it for love, your prick is a restless article, which +will insist on the buttocks pushing it somewhere or somehow, till the +stiffness is taken out of it. + +A frisky youth with restless cods was in the room with two girls, one of +whom was also frisky, and the younger inquisitive. They got joking, he +kissed them, they tickled him, till he threw himself on the floor, and +rolled about as the girls tormented him, and thought they were getting +the best of him. He suddenly caught hold of them both, pulled them on to +the floor in a heap, one on the top of him one by his side, and holding +one one way, and the second another way, managed to put his hand on to +one's cunt, turned the other over, and lifting up her clothes slapped +her naked backside; they struggling and crying out at the attack on +their sacred privates, he fighting, overturning, and exposing the limbs +of the lasses, until, as Kitty said, "he's seed all we'd got to be seen +over and over again." + +This quieted Kitty and Grace. When released they called him a +blackguard, and told him to go out of their room. "I'll tell my mother," +said Kitty. "Tell her," said Bob, "tell her you saw this," pulling out a +stiff prick, "as stiff as yours," said Kitty, who was laying at the side +of the bed feeling my cock about whilst telling me. + +"We turned away, then turned round, it was still out, he had got it in +his hand, and was grinning. Grace said, 'Let's go to the children', +and burst out laughing, so did I, because she did." Kitty stopped her, +saying, "Don't let the children see him, they may tell mother." After a +time they turned round again, the fascination of the prick was on them, +both wanted to see it. Grace winked at Kitty. "Go away Bob," said Grace, +"you'll get Kitty's ears boxed if it's known you have come in." "Don't +care," said Bob, "show me your cunts, and I will. Cocky, cunty, cocky, +cunty," he sang out, "look here,--come and feel it." + +"I don't know what you mean," said Grace turning round again. (Kitty +said that Grace told her afterwards she wanted to see as much of his +thing as she could.) "Show us the crack between your thighs." "You +beast, I've a good mind to hit you," said Grace. "Come on," said he. +"You go." "Feel my prick first." "I won't." "You Kitty." "I won't you +beast." "But," said she, "I was curious like to feel it for all I said +'no' to him, and so was Grace." + +Bob ran at Grace, and catching her, pulled up her clothes, and felt her; +then running after Kit, he did the same, the whole three were yelling, +Bob with his prick out promising to go if they felt him, they frightened +of the mother coming home. + +They were much agitated now, the children in the bed-room were crying +at the row, and both girls threatening to call the lodger upstairs. +"Let me," said he, "let me put my cock just on your naked thighs,--do, +--do,--do,--only for a minute." "Shan't you beast." "Oh! I must do it," +said Bob, "I must,--hooo," and then sitting down on a chair, Bob +closed his eyes, frigged away, and saying, "Oh! it ought to be in your +ck--ck--cunt," spent, the two girls looking at him and at the sperm +jetting out on to the floor. + +They stood looking, never uttered a word, and fear came over them lest +Kitty's mother should come home, and catch him there with his cock out, +and his sperm on the floor. "Go, there is a good young man,--mother will +be home directly,--oh! that's her footstep,--run upstairs, and wait till +she's in." Bob whose nervous system was I dare say a little shaken by +his frig, buttoned up his trowsers, and ran out of the room. The girls +locked the door and listened,--it was not the mother, then they began to +talk. + +"That's it on the floor,--that's what comes out of a man's cock when he +puts it up a woman's thing," said Grace,--"it's that which gets a woman +in the family way,--it's that which gives them both pleasure when they +do it together, when _his_ thing is up _her_ thing." + +Grace told all she knew, that when her mother was "lying in," she once +peeped through a key-hole, and saw her father frig himself. They talked +of the pleasure they had heard it gave the woman to have that warm +injection up her. Grace frigged herself, Kitty tried but got no +pleasure, they sat opposite each other on chairs, Bob's spunk still on +the floor. That was the only time she had ever seen spunk till she +saw Jim's in the wash-hand basin. "Should you like to see mine Kitty?" +"Shouldn't I!" said she. "You shall some day,"--and one day she frigged +me. + +Kitty was quite artless when she told me this, she had taken a liking to +me, though I did not then know it, and was delighted to tell me all, it +seemed quite a relief to her to do so. She had never spoken to any one +else about it. To a man? she should think not,--it was not likely, and +though I asked her often and often about it at times she never varied +the account. I believed it implicitly, and that is why I narrate it +here. + +Several nights Jim served Betty so, till one night Kitty sneezed. "The +girl's awake," said Jim. "Who is that?" said Kitty shamming, though she +knew full well. "It's Jim,--you won't tell, will you?" said Betty. "I +have told her you are going to marry me,--have I not Kit?" Jim went on +tailing his mistress, but now that he knew Kit was awake he put out his +hand and felt Kitty's bum whilst fucking. "Did you tell Betty that?" +said I. "No," said Kit laughing. + +Next night Betty who seems to have taken delight in debauching Kit, made +her feel Jim's prick, she pulled her hand to it. "I thought I liked to +feel, but I shammed that I did not." "Was it big?" "It seemed bigger +than yours, but I didn't see it." + +This went on for a fortnight or so, Kitty feeling always afraid that +they would be found out, and so it came to pass. Illicit fucking in a +house not your own is sure to bring trouble. + +The Mistress' sister came to nurse her, and slept in her room. Betty +said the sister gave a lot of trouble, and was always poking her nose +where she had not business to poke it. Jim did not come up for one or +two nights, he had heard some one moving either in the Master's, or +in the sick woman's room. Kitty was glad of it. Jim I suppose at last +randied out of his prudence one night, and Betty reckless for want of +fucking, told him to come, and up he came. Then a violent knock at the +door came just as he was fucking Betty. + +"Who is that?" "Me." "Wait a minute sir." "Open it, or I will break the +door open." "Wait sir, I'm not dressed." In came the door with a crash. +Jim was just by the bed, Kitty standing by Betty, for both got up. +At the door was the Master and his sister-in-law. "You damned whoring +bitch," said the Master to Betty, "at day-light out you go from my +house." + +The sister-in-law turned down the bed, looked at it, and then at Kitty. +"Please Maam it's no fault of mine," said Kit. "You dirty little hussy, +why did you not tell what was going on,--your father shall hear of +this." "Dress yourself," said the fishmonger to Betty. "Leave them alone +till the morning," said the sister-in-law,"--and both left the room. Jim +half-dressed, without speaking a word, had crept downstairs whilst the +talk was going on. The Master did not speak to him at all. + +"They will sack us both," said Betty. Kitty began to cry. "You are a +fool, there are lots of places. I hope old Vinegar-Chops liked the look +of it," said Betty lifting up the towel (there were the drippings from +Betty's cunt on it),--"I dare say the sour-faced beast knows what it +is,---don't you cry, you will get a living if your father does turn you +out, any girl can so long as she has a good face, and something warm +between her thighs." That was Betty's comfort to Kitty. + +After breakfast the Master put Betty outside the door, Kitty's mother +was sent for, who boxed her ears all the way home, and the father +knocked her down when he came home. "If I thought you'd turn a whore," +said he, "I'd murder you." She told her mother the truth entirely, but +only got her ears boxed still more,--she should have told her Master, +the mother said. After this she was again kept at home, a short time +after her father died, her mother changed her quarters, keeping her +indoors to take care of the children, and had no idea that her daughter +was getting fucked to enable her to buy sausage-rolls, as well as for +the pleasure of having a male. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + Sausage-rolls, and consequences.--Kitty's home.--The little + ones.--A saucy cabman.--Catamenia.--Fucking economies.-- + Changing money.--Pol and the bargee.--Kit implicated.--A + black eye and bruised rump.---A little boy's cock.-- + Preparation for travel.--'Kit's regret.--Bessie in tears.-- + Amusements abroad.--Home again.--Kitty a strumpet.--An + evening at B.w Street.--Kitty's eight months doings. + +One day I took some sausage-rolls to the baudy house, she clawed hold +of one directly. "Ain't they prime!" said she, and never ceased till +she had finished them all--such a lot,--then she turned pale. "I must go +home," she said. "Why?" She began putting on her things. "What is your +hurry?" "I can't wait." "Are you ill?" "Yes,--yes,--I must go." "Then I +won't pay you." "I'm not well." "How,--you want to go to the privy!" "I +do," said the girl hanging her head. I rang the bell, told the woman to +show the lass where to ease herself. When she came back I could not +get her to look me in the face, and thinking of her operation gave me +a distaste for her that day, so I let her go without doing anything. +Ridiculous that of course, but I tell things just as they occurred. + +When it rained, and she could not meet me, how angry she was. "If I buy +an umbrella mother will wonder where I got it." Once she nearly got wet +through, and I did not see her that time, because I did not expect her +to be out. + +She told me where she lived, and I arranged that if it rained I would go +to the front of the house in a cab. I did that once only, and the cabman +insolently demanded about five times his fare when I got down at E----r +Street, saying I had enticed a young girl into the cab. "Yer haught to +be glad to be let orf with ten bob," said cabby, "think yerself lucky a +peeler don't drop on you for taking a young gal like that,--yah! you're +a swell, ain't yer?--yah!--yah!--poop!"--and off he drove. + +She began to deplore her poor dress, bought a pair of white stockings, +and I kept them for her, because she was afraid of taking them home. +"Oh! ain't I kept under," said she, "I hate it,--I have a good mind to +bolt." "Then you will turn gay." "Well I would like to dress nice, and +do as I like, instead of minding children and working." I persuaded her +not. + +"Have you had no other man but me for the last two months?" "Only one," +she said, "but I'm never out if it rains, and I can't get out of nights +cause of mother, and I wash and mend,--so how can I?" "I'll go and ask +for some one else at your room, to see if you're in or not." "Do,--if I +don't open the door, mother will, on Monday I'll take the brats into the +Waterloo road for a walk." She did, and I saw her. How short her clothes +were! a carman as he passed stooped down, and gave her legs a pinch. Her +mother was at home. + +The girl grew fast, each week she seemed bigger than the week +previously, the sausage-rolls agreed with her, the hair on her cunt +lengthened,--she was so pleased when I remarked it,--her desire was to +have as much hair on her quim as Betty had. Then she began to get heavy, +dull, and drooping. One day I had her on the side of the bed, just for +variety sake, for sometimes I found it delightful to see my prick up to +its roots in her, and the next instant its tip. Her cunt felt very wet, +looking at my half-uncunted prick it was covered with blood. I pulled +it out, a red stream followed running all over her chemise. I had never +seen such a sight before when fucking, and only once I think since, +though I have poked women in that state. + +"What is the matter?" said I startled for the moment, "you're poorly?" + +"Oh!" cried out the girl, "I must go to mother,--ohl let me go." I tried +to comfort her, she took no notice of me, but dressed and ran out of the +house quickly, white with terror and without her money. That night I +had Brighton Bessie, and told her about it. Bessie said the dirty little +bitch ought to be flogged by the hangman; if she had her way all such +young bitches should be sent to prison, and the men who had them ought +to be punished as well. + +Kit's first poorliness had come on, that accounted for her dullness, she +had no idea of what was taking place in her, her mother had not warned +her. Of course, the girl knew of the ailment common to her sex, but +her monthlies had taken her by surprise. I never knew a girl more +unaffectedly modest than Kitty was the next time she met me after her +accident, as we called it. + +Said she one day, "Give me a sovereign for this silver (savings out of +the money I had given her), I don't know where to put it, it jingles in +my pocket,--I am afraid of dropping it, and mother finding it out." + +She had put it in a crack between the skirting and the inside of a +cupboard lining as near as I could make out, until it was a pound's +worth. "What a pity I can't buy some nice clothes, is it not?" said she. +Poor Kitty was amusing, but I saw she was brewing mischief after she had +had her monthlies, or was what she called "a full woman." Several times +as she took my money she said it was no good to her, as she could only +buy things to eat. She was getting restless. When I told her I should be +in the Strand one day, if it were not wet. "Oh! do come, if it's wet or +not,--I _will_ meet you." "But your mother?" "Don't care,--if she says +anything I'll tell her I'll run away." + +Said she one day, "Hasn't Pol got it? her mother has nearly murdered +her,--oh! Lor she is bruised all over." Then she told me that the little +dark girl I had had was caught in the privy with a man,--"oh! such a big +un, he is much taller than you,--she was standing on the privy-seat with +her legs wide open, and he was trying to do it to her." The mother had +suspected, had the little imp watched, and caught the man in the +act. "How he could do it I don't know," said Kit, "but he is a +bargeman,--such a big man!--and the little beast stood on the privy-seat +too." Kitty was scandalized at that. + +It was some days before I saw her again, then she was slovenly and had a +black eye, and began to cry. "It's mother," she sobbed, "look here." She +pulled off her things, and showed me wales and bruises. "Mother did it," +said she sobbing, "my bottom's bruised,--she held me down, and hit me +with a brush,--look," said Kitty turning up her lily-white arse for me +to see. + +Her young friend who had not long before had my prick up her cunt, and +then the bargeman's, had sought to excuse herself by saying Kitty was as +bad. Mother told mother, Kitty was battered by her mother, and had been +locked up, there had been row after row, till Kitty would not eat, nor +wash, nor mend,--she fought her mother, she threatened to run away, and +to turn gay. Said the mother, "Your father always said you would, he +would turn round in his grave if he knew what you are saying. + +"I made my brother's cock stiff," said she one day as she was playing +what we called cherry-bob with my prick, i.e. taking the tip in her +mouth when it was limp, and shooting it out again, just as you see +children do with cherries. "Your little brother?" "Yes,--I washed him, +pulled it backwards and forwards, as if I were washing him, so that he +should not know what I was about." "Did it get stiff?" "Quite, and he +seemed to like it," said she, "he asked me to go on doing it." + +During all this time I had occasionally seen Bessie, for a youthful +cunt never did give me full physical enjoyment, nor fetch me like a +full-grown one, although as an occasional letch it was delicious. After +her monthlies had arranged themselves I fancied Kitty was more luscious, +and her discharge more copious, yet I often used to think of the +spanking posteriors and full crisp-haired cunt of Bessie whilst +operating on Kit. A light-haired quim I also never liked, it was the +artlessness, frankness, and freshness of Kitty which kept me to her so +long. + +I was going abroad. When I told Kitty this she broke into tears. "Oh! +what shall I do!--don't go," said she. The little lass was fond of me; +a thing I never had dreamed of. She promised me to go to service, and +leave off fucking; but she never did. + +Then I told Bessie, and she began to cry, and said, "It's always the +way,--directly I like a man I lose him." I thought she was shamming, but +the last night I had her, she would take no money, said if I gave it to +her, she would throw it into the streets. + +Glad to be from England, alone,--alone, I hoped to be sent to------, +but got no further than------. There I had women enough. All women +there were examined by medical men weekly, just as they are at------, +and many a fine Spanish woman, and coarse but well-built English woman +I had for half-a-crown a piece. I was recalled after seven months, and +within a few days was in the Strand, but saw no Kitty until one night in +early Summer. "Oh! it's you,--I'm so glad," said a female. It was Kitty, +delighted. I did not know her for the instant, but in ten minutes we +were fucking. How glad she was to see me; she was a well grown young +woman, and lovely, her breasts were well developed, her calves and bum +as well, although she was not seventeen. + +She had quarrelled with her mother, left, and set up as harlot. It +was wonderful what harlotry had done in giving her taste in dress, +deportment, style of walking, and even in language. She had learned the +value of her cunt, it was no longer three and six, but twenty shillings. +"I don't want _your_ money," said she, "let's talk of old times." We +spent several evenings together. One man almost kept her, she thought he +was going to keep her altogether, and hoped so. + +I had taken her to the house in B.w Street, quietly there we talked all +things over; we laughed over the affair of Pol and the coal-heaver, the +sausage-rolls, the lost ten shillings, the afternoon her poorliness came +on. "So you are gay,--do you like the life?" She really did, got lots of +money, and now kept her mother who had been disabled by rheumatic fever. +I saw her daily for a week or two afterwards, and we fucked to our +hearts' content. Her motte was delicately hairy now, and of dark golden +colour, slightly brownish. Then I went to the sea-side. When I came back +to London, looking for her everywhere, I could not find her, and though +I longed for her very much, was obliged to render myself happy with +others. + +To complete her history I must go forward two or three years when I had +been madly in love with a gay woman as I shall tell, but had quarrelled +with her for presuming on my love, and resolutely abstained from seeing +her, doing however great violence to my affection and inclination. I +used to go to the baudy house in J...s Street (not yet mentioned), and +cry to its Mistress who would ask me to let her send to the lady of my +affection (Miss M...s),--but of this more presently. + +After reading over this part of my narrative relating to Kitty written +full thirty years ago, I add these few words. + +My secret life was written for my own pleasure, and to be a narrative of +what I myself saw and did, and nothing else. I have pretty well adhered +to that, but my fun with Kitty took place within a few years after I +began to write, and describe the amatory episodes as leisure inclined +me, and as they seemed to me unusually amusing or illustrative. I +arranged them in order afterwards. Nothing at that time had been so +piquant in my acquaintance with harlots as Kitty's had been. I had +not then had much to do with lasses as young as she was, the novelty +therefore I suppose made me write out her narrative intermixed with my +own, at the length it has reached. + +Besides Kitty was really quite original, her freshness, frankness, and +truthfulness impressed me much, and after much experience since in the +ways of frail ones, I believe now that what she told me was mainly true, +and am sure she was delighted to get a confident in me, to whom she +could unbosom herself unreservedly. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + Brighton Bessie.--Change irresistable.--Bessie in quod.-- + Lewd effects.--Spooning.--Her home.--Her cabman.-- + Reflexions.--Two years after.--Five years later on.--The + mouse's promenade.--Bessie disappears. + +I met in the Strand one night Bessie, who put her arms round me. I +repulsed her, she saw her mistake, and followed me to a baudy house. +Inside she began kissing me excitedly, and said she was so glad to see +me back, that she did not know what she was about. It was not our usual +house, I was in a hurry, so after I had fucked her was going away. "What +one fuck only!--you have not had me for a year nearly,--I'm damned +if you go till you have given me another,--that dear old prick, I've +thought of it fifty times when I have been poked." So I fucked her +again, and afterwards resumed seeing her, for she was much to my taste +sexually. I had many voluptuous amusements with her which she liked and +invited, although I have no recollection of playing any of those curious +erotic tricks which gratified me later on in life, nice attitudes being +then for the most part enough for me. My balls were running over with +sperm in those days, and if I could control myself for a few minutes +when my prick was stiff, it was as much as I could do. Bessie was +full-blooded, and loved to take her fucking with me, kissing me +furiously as her pleasure came on. We used again to pass hours at the +house in B.w Street, reading, drinking, talking, and copulating at +intervals. + +Yet I went after other women for all that, for fresh cunt was +irresistable. Once when I had been away I missed her for a few days, +then I saw her coming out of a public-house. "Oh! I'm so glad,--I've +been locked up,--it's a damned shame," she cried out, "I was marched off +without having said a word by a police-man,--blast him!--and all because +I would not let the bugger fuck me one night up in ------ Street,--I'd +never let a policeman touch me,--damn them all." She spoke loud to a man +and two or three sympathizing women, a mob began to gather round her, so +noisy was she. + +I turned as quickly as I could up a side-street, she following me. "Oh! +come my dear, come,--how glad I am to see you,--I did nothing but think +of you whilst I was locked up,--oh! God I'm dying for a fuck,--a whole +fortnight I've not had it, and I did nothing but think of you when I +frigged myself." There was a roar of laughter from half-a-dozen women +who had followed her. "Shut up," said some one. "Ain't she a letting +out!" said another. "Ain't you ashamed of yourself?" said a third. "It's +one of her men," said another. "She is a nice woman," said some one +else. "It was a damned shame," said another. "I know him," said a voice, +"he wants every woman in the Strand, and if he don't get them he walks +them off." "Yes the bugger." "She is just out." "Yes, and he quodded +Mary Summers last night." "And he is a married man with a large +family,"--and so on. I felt overwhelmed, and inclined to run away. She +turned into the first house which had a door open, and I was glad when +the friendly red-curtained door closed behind me, she galloping upstairs +in front of me, showing her fat calves. I followed Bessie into a +bed-room. + +"Five shillings," said the woman to me. "It's all right,--you go,--he's +an old friend of mine,--don't bother," said Bessie pushing the servant +out of the room, and slamming tie door, then throwing her bonnet on +a chair she caught hold of me, gluing her lips to mine, feeling at my +trowsers front she cried out, "Let's fuck,--come and fuck me,--I'm dying +for you,--a fuck from you,--oh! put your prick up." She had got it out, +threw herself on the bed opening her thighs wide, and showing her cuntal +beauties, calling on me to fuck her. I mounted her immediately, it was +impossible to withstand her randy impetuousity; contagious lewdness +coursed through my veins. + +"Oh! my God," said she as my prick drove home, "I'm coming,--oh! +my God,--fuck,--fuck,--oh! I'm spending,--oh! my +darling,--fuck,--spend,--oh!--oooh!" I never had a woman in a higher +state of randiness, she would not let me go till I had fully eased her +passions, she lavished expressions of love and tenderness on me. "Don't +pull it out,--there dear, there,--lay still on me, I'll keep it up, it +will be stiff again,--there it's stiff now." I stopped with her some +hours. A policeman on the beat she said, had taken a fancy to her, had +asked her to let him do it to her up against the dark wall at the back +of E.... r H.. l. She would not, he threatened, still she refused, so he +took her to the station one night on the plea of her annoying gentlemen, +and the magistrate gave her a fortnight in prison. She had come out that +very day, and was rather tight. + +In a few weeks Bessie got more and more friendly. I was the first to +leave, and she to ask what was my hurry. When I thought I had been +detaining her too long for my moderate compliment, she would say, "Oh! +never mind, I'll make ten shillings do,--I'm not in debt,--before the +theatres are over I dare say I'll get engaged." It was impossible to +avoid seeing she was getting affectionate. She would sit or lay talking, +feeling, or kissing me for hours, whilst her expressions of pleasure +when I was stirring up her vitals equalled those of any woman who has +ever loved me or enjoyed my embraces. + +One night I was charged twice for the room, for stopping long, and +said something about not being able to afford it. That brought forth a +proposition, one of the most curious I ever had in my life. + +Said she, "It's a lot of money to spend on the rooms,--come to my rooms; +they would be too humble for you, but they are clean and nice,--drop me +a line, and I will always be at home,--and you would be more comfortable +than at these houses, and have nothing to pay." Then after hesitation, +and as if reflecting, she said she lived in the New North road where she +had either a small house or rooms in one, I don't quite recollect which. +"It's paid for by a friend of mine, he gives me ten shillings a week. +Now don't think little of me because I tell you this,--he is only a +cabman, he sleeps with me nearly always, he's a nice clean, steady man, +and behaves well to me; but I don't like him since I've known you. You +can come when you like, and sleep with me when you like,--I'll give +him up, he shall never come near me again, and I'll always be there for +you,--you will see what a large comfortable bed I've got,--but you must +pay for the rooms, I must feel sure of a roof over me,--I don't care +about anything else,--then you can see me when you like, give me what +you like,--nothing if you have not got it,--I don't want your money, +I'll get that as I now do." + +She said all this in a humble way looking at me, tears half filled her +eyes, her tone was sad; it was in its way a clear but simple declaration +of affection for me. I saw it, felt it, but shunned it; for a strange +dislike to a gay woman loving me came over me, some sort of undefined +idea that I should be a species of fancy-man, a man whom I always +thought at that time was a baudy house bully; and the offer of Bessie +oppressed me. + +I told her she was very kind, that I appreciated it, but it was a long +way off,--I would not think of it,--I did not wish her to give up a +friend for me,--that there were obstacles to my accepting which I could +not tell her of, and so on. I scarcely knew what to say in refusing +without wounding her feelings. + +"I am sorry I told you, for you won't think as much of me as you +did,--it's the simple truth,--you don't believe me?--only come up and +see me." But I could not then think of displacing a cabman, I did not +even like to think of my prick having taken its pleasure in the cunt +which had wriggled the prick of a cabman. My experience in life might +have told me, had I thought about it, that the possibility was that my +prick might have rubbed up the same channel that a burglar's had. I +only saw that I was asked to displace a common man in the affection of +a street-doxy, I appreciated the affection which prompted the offer of +exchange, felt gratified and sorry at the same time, especially when I +saw tears in the poor woman's eyes. + +I again said I would if it were not such a long way off, but perhaps I +would, and so on. I never did go to her house, but saw her from time to +time, until I fell madly in love with a lady of pleasure and would have +given almost my life for her to have loved me. So Bessie was avenged, +for I had fallen in love with a doxy after all. + +When this infatuation occurred I ceased seeing Bessie. Then in my +trouble a year or two afterwards I sought her again, and told her my +trouble. "Ah! you would not love me when I was fond of you, but you love +her, and she plays on it,--don't you let her fool you," said Bessie, +"she has got a man,--all you give her he will get, I know it from what +you tell me." Bessie was right, but Sarah after a time as I shall tell, +did not deceive me about the matter. + +Then I missed Bessie for a year or two, then found her again in the +Strand, she was much altered. "I don't think I ever liked a man to fuck +me as I do you," said she one night as she enjoyed me, "if you had but +come up to my little home you would have saved me a lot of trouble." But +I could not get out of her what she meant by that. + +Full five years afterwards, when roaming about not far from the +Haymarket one night I met her, and scarcely knew her. She stopped short, +"You Bessie!" "Ah! yes it's Brighton Bessie, but I'm sadly altered, sure +enough." "And you knew me?" "Know you!--I should know you by your eyes, +if I saw nothing more of your face but your eyes,--I should know you to +the last day of your life," said she. She was always talking about my +eyes. She had seen me several times, but had not dared to accost me she +said. I told her she always might. + +I took her to what had become my favorite baudy house. It was a hot +night, and we fucked on the sofa. She had become flabby, and said she +had ill health, but I could glean nothing from her about her career, +excepting that for some years she had not been gay. We stripped naked, +and had just finished fucking her on the sofa when I felt something +running over my legs, bum and back over my shoulder, on to hers. It was +instantaneous. Then I saw a mouse which had run over us, and went fast +up the wall into some red curtains where it was lost,--it made her +shudder, and me too. That is one of the odd events by which I shall +always recollect the last time I had Brighton Bessie. "You won't see me +again I dare say," said she in a plaintive tone, and a tear in her +eye as we parted. I said I dare say I should. "No you won't,--good bye +dear." With a sigh the poor woman left me, and I never saw her again. + +It was whilst I was frequenting Bessie, and occasionally other doxies +that the following adventure occurred. + +I was frequently now at my mother's house, my brother was away, and both +my sisters married. I used to stop with her for days together, finding +that a relief from home misery, and also agreeable company to her, who +was now so much alone. I also at times stopped with one of my sisters +whose husband I liked; the other lived some distance from London. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + Washerwomen.--Matilda and Esther.--A peep over a wall.-- + Eaves dropping.--A girl's wants.--Shaking a tooleywag.--A + promenade by a barrow.--Disclosures.--A snatch and a + scuffle.--An assignation. + +I went to see my mother one day in Summer, and after luncheon walked +to the end of the garden often mentioned. At one side of it was a +road which gave access to a gentleman's house, and on the other to my +mother's. There the carriage-road stopped, and a foot-path began. At the +junction was a mews wide enough for a cart, which ran at the end of our +garden and those adjoining. Our entrance to it had been disused, _we_ +having one in the side-wall opening on to the road, and the neighbours +rarely used their back-entrances. The mews was grass-grown. On the +opposite side to our garden-walls was the wall of very large grounds. A +gate not locked, formed of open bars was at the end of the mews next to +the road. + +The footpath mentioned passed between walls of large gardens, and the +between fields, until it joined a road on the other side of which was +the village church-yard, through which the footway passage continued +till again a high-road intervened. This continuous footway formed +a short cut to a distant part of the parish. It was not much used +excepting on Sundays, and by lovers who walked there on summer nights. I +had found out years before that the mews at the back of our house was an +occasional pissing-place, it being round the corner, and out of sight. +I used to peep over the wall in hopes of seeing a female at that +operation, mounting to do so by the gardener's ladder. When I saw a +woman piddle it was great delight to me, but I more frequently saw men +whose cocks had no attraction for me. On Sunday nights after church, the +splash and rustle of petticoats could be heard, but not seen; the sight +was however rare at any time, for few people had the boldness to push +open the gate, and enter the mews. + +I never saw copulation, the greatest fun I had was once seeing a female +bogging, who turned round and gathered two or three of the largest +leaves from the lime-trees in our gardens which overhung the wall, wiped +her arse with them, and left them sticking on the top of her turds; but +she never noticed a youth peeping just over her head. One reason why I +was never detected watching was that women always turned their bums to +our wall, and so I was at the back of them. Charlotte and I have both +looked over the wall. + +The wall was mostly covered with our ivy, which fell down in thick +masses on the mews side; lime-trees at intervals completed the screen. +Any one peeping down from above could be sufficiently hidden if he +put his head carefully above the wall at places, and pushed aside the +boughs. On the day I speak of, I walked round the garden thinking of old +times, of how Charlotte and I used to see if the cook was talking to +the gardener before we began our amourous play, of the pranks Fred and +others played there, and all the occurrences of my youth, which had +taken place in the house and garden. + +The gardener was away. I thought I would look over the wall; so placing +the ladder got up, and looking down saw two girls sitting on the handles +of a barrow on which were baskets filled with linen. One looked about +sixteen, the other a little older. It was a dreadfully hot day, the +barrow was at the angle of the mews. They were talking, and I moved the +ladder to get a place nearer to them and not to be seen; for to watch +and hear women who thought themselves unobserved and unheard, was always +a delight to me. If you ever hear two women talking on amorous subjects, +their disclosures you will find are always charming to a man. + +At the angle of our garden, and just where the road joined the mews, a +large notice-board had been put up for some purpose since I had lived +there; it was just outside and higher than our wall. Between the back of +it and the wall was a space of a few inches. Our ivy had grown up it +at places, and filled up most of the space, but enough was left at +the angle to let me look down on the barrow which was just outside the +mews-gate, out of the way of what small traffic there was, the gate of +the mews being wide open. Then of all my eaves dropping I have never yet +heard anything so amusing as I did then. The air was solemnly quiet in +the hot summer's afternoon and though the girls spoke quite softly, I +heard them well. + +"I should like to feel what it is like," said the youngest whose face +was towards me. There was a mixture of fun, audacity, curiosity and +lewdness on that girl's face. "Hish! some one will hear you," and +something else I could not hear, said the other. "_Fuck_--there then," +said the young one saucily and laughing. The older gave her a slap. "Now +you may take the things home alone,--I won't help." "If you don't I'll +tell mother." "Don't care." "Yes you do,--what did you say it +for?" "Didn't _you_ say it?" "I didn't bawl it out you fool." +"_Fuck_,--there,--there," said the younger going off. "There it may stay +then," said the older angrily, and she moved also off round the corner. +They were both out of sight in a second, but I heard their voices +quarrelling, the barrow and clothes-baskets were unattended just outside +the mews-gate. + +A labouring man came along in the opposite direction. Seeing the barrow +he stood and looked round in all directions, turned into the mews, and +I think he was going to steal, but thought better of it. I had peeped +quite round the board, but had dropped into the old place again, the +man turned to the wall, and pissed just under me, his head turned, and +looking at the clothes-baskets all the time, then he drew the foreskin +backwards and forwards when he had finished, till his prick was +standing, an article any man might have been proud of; he played +with it, and might have been going to frig himself had he not been +interrupted. + +The girls came back round the corner just then still wrangling, they +stopped as they came on the man, who turning round shook his tooleywag +at them, and moved out of sight, but not out of my hearing. "This is the +sort of thing that would please you," said he wagging it. "Go along you +beast, I'll call a policeman." "You wouldn't call out if it was up your +cunt,"--and he walked off laughing. The girls were quiet for an instant, +and then laughed. "Hish!" said one, "he is not gone." The other looked +round the corner, and said he had; then they laughed loudly. + +"Was it not big!" "Did you see it?" "Yes, and stiff,--ha--ha--ha." +"He--he--he." "It looked as if it would split any one," said the little +one who sat down on the barrow-handle again. "Sarah says the bigger it +is the better it is," said the other, and then they laughed. "Hush!" +said the bigger one, "some one may hear us." Turning her rump to the +wall she pissed just where the man had. The little one did the same, +then off they went, one trundling, the other holding the baskets steady. +They took the heavy work in turns I found. + +I rushed to the house, then out, and followed the girls, a desire to +show them _my_ prick was on me. As I followed my intentions cooled, +fearing they might tell a policeman. I had not the experience then that +I now have, or should have feared nothing of the sort, for girls tell +no one but each other if they see a man's prick. I overtook them in the +church-yard (they were resting again on the barrow-handles), and entered +into conversation with them, delighted at their demure faces, knowing +that they had just seen a prick, that one had said "fuck," and that +I had seen both piss. A notion of getting the younger one by herself +restrained me from blurting out what was in my mind, but my delight +really was in looking at, and talking with them, thinking that fucking +might and probably was in their mind at the moment I accosted them. + +They were coarse, middle-sized, well-fed, sturdy-limbed, dark-eyed +wenches, unmistakeably sisters. Excepting for one being shorter than +the other you would scarcely have known there was a difference in their +ages; both had bare arms, one had her frock well pinned up behind over +her petticoats, both had short petticoats, thick ankles and strong +boots, a washerwoman was then not ashamed of showing what she was, and +they always wore dazzling white stockings,--and these girls did. I +asked where they lived, they answered readily. I knew the lane well, all +the washerwomen in the village were there. + +In my lewdness I forgot everything but the pleasure of speaking to the +girls. A middle-aged lady passed us accompanied by two or three very +young women, who stared hard at me. The barrow-girls stood up and +curtsied as they passed, and naming them. I knew them, and a few years +before had romped and played with the young ladies, then children. +The last time I had seen them there was not a hair on any one of their +cunts; I expect that now their cunts were full-wigged, and well frigged +into the bargain. They had recognized me, as I heard from my mother +afterwards, I did not recognize them, they having grown from children to +women. I was seated on the barrow-handle as they passed. + +"So you wash?" No, their mother did, they ironed, took home, and +fetched the things. What was their name?--would they meet me? and so on. +They would perhaps,--where did I live?--they did not know me. Getting +friendlier and friendlier I learned all about them, it was done in a +joking, chaffing way. I told them I lived far off, and was only on a +visit at a house close by. + +They must go on really,--would I get up? No, unless they gave me a kiss. +I chivied one after the other, and caught and kissed both, they were +not difficult to catch. Then they trundled on the barrow, I walking with +them, the people we met (very few) staring at a dandy walking by the +side of two washgirls; but I took no heed then of any one who passed us, +nor cared. + +We crossed the high-road into another part of the lane, and again we +stopped; more and more randy got I. "What do you think of, when you +iron the tail of a man's shirt?" "Nothing." "You know it wraps round +something different from that which a chemise does." "Does it?" said +the little one who had twice the cheek of the elder. "Yes,--it makes you +think when you iron them." No it did not,--what did I mean?--they did +not know in the least. + +(What delight some girls have in their randiness in declaring they +don't understand a man's baudy chaff, the "What do you mean?" "I don't +understand" are only incitements to the man to declare his meaning in +broad, strong, baudy words; and then it's, "Oh! oh! the beast!" but +their cunts tighten with a squeeze of lust, they go off and think of it +all, and perhaps frig themselves under the recollection. But this is a +reflection the result of matured experience, and was not written at the +time this part of my narrative was.) + +They turned up the high-road, and at their earnest request I fell +behind, they left the linen at a house, and brought back other baskets, +then I recommenced chaffing. When we were in the lane bounded on one +side by a wall, on the other by a ditch and corn-field. They stopped and +begged me to go, for so many people knew them on the road. Prudence told +me we had better separate, but my mind full of the idea of getting the +younger girl, I asked them to have a drink. No,--they would be seen. +Would they meet me? Yes. When? They could not say,--but I had their +address. + +I am not clear why, but up till then I had not said what I had heard and +seen, but I kept it to myself, although dying to let it out. I again sat +at the edge of the barrow, and refused to get up till they both kissed +me. They could not go without the barrow, and after a little sham I +kissed them both. Then the devil took all control off of me, and as I +kissed one I felt outside her till she wriggled away from me. This in +the open lane. + +"Now," said she, "Mr. Impudence, I've a good mind to slap your head for +doing of that." "I'm sure you liked it,"--and I went towards her. She +ran ahead, and took up a stone. "I'll heave this at you," said she +looking as if she meant it. I desisted, and went back to the barrow, +"What's he done?" said the sister who had been standing a little +distance off. "I'll tell you bye and bye,--come on." The younger began to +handle the barrow, but I sat down on a handle, some one came along. "You +will do us harm," said one of the girls. + +"Tell your sister what I did." "Shan't,--get up." I then, forgetful of +my intention, blurted all out, imitating their voice and manner. +"Fuck,--hish! some one will hear,"--a slap. "Fuck,--there then." + +The younger stood like a statue, her mouth opened wide, her lower jaw +almost seemed dropping off; the elder stared at me, her eyes nearly +out of her head. "Sarah says the bigger it is the better she likes it." +Their faces got blood-red, they stared at each other, then one said, "I +wish you'd get up, and let me have my barrow." + +"I saw you both piddle," then I looked up and down the lane in both +directions, I was bursting. "Look," said I pulling out my prick, "it's +as thick and stiff as his, isn't it?" No one was in sight still. + +"I wish there was a policeman," said the elder, "oh! you beast,--we'll +tell the police." One appeared just then in the lane, but the girls +appeared to be in no hurry to tell him, but I rose, they wheeled off the +barrow as fast as they could, I walking with them. I was a little afraid +of the policeman. + +We had got to a spot where the lane was crossed by a village-road in +which were many good houses. "Oh! pray leave us, we go down here, we +have customers in the road." "Will you meet me?" "Yes,--but don't follow +us." I did not want to be seen, so we parted, after some arrangements +about meeting. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + Returning home.--In the church-yard.--Two female laborers.-- + Among the tombs.--A sudden piss.--An arse on the weeds.-- + Torn trowsers, and a turd.--In front of the public-house. + +They went off, I crossed the road into the churchyard, through its +posts at the entrance to prevent cattle passing, and over which with +difficulty the girls had got their barrow and baskets. It was a huge +churchyard, half of it mere field; at one end the rich were buried, +and there were rows of tombs and monuments, the rest was only partially +filled with tomb-stones of all sizes. As I entered it two women passed +me; they were tall, stout, and dusty, had very short petticoats, and +thick hob-nailed boots, dark-blue dresses hung over big haunches, little +black shawls no larger than handkerchiefs over their backs. They had +big black bonnets cocked right upon the tops of their heads, and seemed +women who worked out of doors, agricultural laborers perhaps, or perhaps +the wives of bargemen, for there was a canal through the village. They +had the strong steady walk, and the body well balanced from the hips +that you see in woman engaged in outdoor occupations; perhaps they +carried strawberries to the London markets in large baskets on their +heads, and they walked as firmly as soldiers. + +They went past me towards the monuments, both looked at me, and they +quickened their pace as they went off. I was dying with want of a fuck. +"They are going to piss," I thought. I knew the spot. We when boys, +and I when a youth years before, had laid in wait to see nursemaids and +their little charges turn up among the tombs to ease themselves, so I +stopped and looked after them. + +They heard my footsteps cease, turned round, looked at me, and walked on +again. I followed slowly, they walked slower, so did I; they stopped, +so did I; one turned round. "Well young man, what do you want following +us?" This abashed me for the instant, but my prick standing gave me +confidence. + +"You are going to piddle, and so am I." They burst out laughing, then +checked themselves, and one said, "Well I'm blessed if you ain't well +cheeked young man." "Arn't you?" "It's no business of yourn what we're a +going to do,--go your way, and we'll go ours." "I'll piddle by the +side of you,--I like doing it where a woman does it," I replied. I was +baudily reckless now. + +"I'm damned!--did you ever hear such cheek!--go on young man,--or let +us." On they went, I followed; they stopped, so did I; they muttered +together half-laughing, and turning their heads round every minute,--and +I went on chaffing about piddling. + +They had got to a spot where there was a break in the row of tombs, and +a length of turf with grass a foot high, burnt up, and almost made hay +in the sum-mer sun. "I'd give each of you a shilling to piss before me", +said I. They had turned into this cross-passage between the tombs, and +one could see them from the footpath through the church-yard. + +"Oh! Lord," said one before I had got the words out of my mouth, "I +can't wait",--and squatting she began pissing whilst I made my offer, +and laughing said, "Well if ever I heard the like,--well young man, +give it,--I'll never be paid again for getting rid of my water, I'll +bet,--you do it Sarah." Sarah said, "I shan't." "Don't be a fool, take +his bob." The other looked at me, the splash of the other woman's piddle +fell on her ear. When any one wants to piss, and hears another doing it, +the desire to piss becomes strong. Down Sarah squatted laughing, and her +splash began, before the other had finished pissing. + +I wanted to piss, but the rigidity of my prick prevented me; it wanted +to evacuate its sperm before it got rid of the thinner liquid. I pulled +it out in front of their faces as they squatted side by side, stiff and +red-tipped; it throbbed, and knocked up and down in its randiness under +every effort I made to turn on the water. One said I was a blackguard. +"I want a fuck so bad,--let me have you,--I'll give you five shillings." +To which of the two I don't know, for I had no choice, one cunt was as +good as another to me at that moment, and I pushed my prick towards one +of them, who laughing put it aside with her hand. + +"There is a chance for you," said one to the other (they were both up +then). "What do you take me for young man?" said the other, "if my man +were here he'd knock your bloody head off." But both stood looking at +my prick and me. I kept on asking, and offering the money,--no one would +see us,--one could watch,--and so on. + +"Do you live about here?" said one. "No, I am going to see a friend at +------" (naming a place about two miles off.) "Weren't you never up here +before?" "Never in my life,--here is your shilling,"--and I gave it her. +"Here is yours." She would not take it. "Take it Molly." She took it. +"Oh! let me have you," said I selecting that one now for my addresses. + +"This is a bloody lark," said she, "_what do you take_ us for young +man?" "Let me fuck you." Both stood still looking at me and my prick. +"Some one will catch us," said one moving out from the tombs, and +looking up and down the pathway to see if any one was near, and +then came back. I had got close to the other. "Now Molly," said one +anxiously, "what are you about?" "Oh! he's made me all overish." "Well +if you'd been three months away from your old man as I have, there would +be some excuse." "Never mind,--you won't blab,--you stand there, and +call if you see any one." "The grave-digger will catch you." "No I saw +him right over by the church." "Come away." "No,--you go and watch." And +so we talked for a few seconds, but I never put my prick out of sight. + +"Well," said the other moving out of sight into the narrow path between +the monuments, "you'll get into a mess." "No I shan't,--I'll let him for +the lark of the thing." + +The instant she had gone round the corner the selected one laid hold of +my prick. "Do it quick,--some one may come," said she as she grasped it. +"Lie down". "No I won't,--it's dirty." "No it's dry,--the grass is quite +hay." I stripped off my coat, made it into a bundle, and placed it for +her head. "There,--there," I said, and pulled her down. She made no +resistance. I saw white thighs and belly, black hair on her cunt; and +the next minute I was spending up her. + +"Shove on," said she, "I was just coming,"--and she was wriggling and +heaving, "go on." I could always go on pushing after a spend in those +days, my prick would not lose its stiffness for minutes afterwards; so I +pushed till I thought of doing her a second time; but her pleasure came +on, her cunt contracted, and with the usual wriggle and sigh she was +over, and there were we laying in copulation, with the dead all around +us; another living creature might that moment have been begotten, in its +turn to eat, drink, fuck, die, be buried and rot. Suddenly she jerked up +her arse, and pushed me. + +"Oh!" said she uncunting me, "there is some one,"--and up she jumped. +There stood the other woman. "How you frightened me," said she. "There +was no one coming,--well it's a rum afternoon's job this," said she. +"Don't you blab." "Not I." + +I had hidden my prick, but now my bladder insisted on its requirements +being attended to, and I went to the spot which the two ladies had +moistened, and pissed on it. The woman who had watched us fucking had +dark eyes, she had looked at me without ceasing from the time I had got +off from the other, and began pissing. My prick nearly at fucking size +still, was pouring forth a copious stream whilst I was feeling its +stem which the moisture from the other's cunt had saturated. Seeing +her looking I pulled out balls and all, and finished by shaking my +tooleywag. She laughed a low laugh. "I feel all overish myself now." +Her eyes looked like fire at me, fierce, lewd. "I'll give _you_ five +shillings,--let me fuck _you_ too,--she will wait and watch for us." + +"Oh!--o!" said the one whom I just had fucked, twitching about, and +suddenly pulling up her petticoats, and looking up them, "there is +something crawling up me." She felt up her petticoats, shaking them, and +flourishing them about. "Oh!--oh!--just lift them up, and look Sarah." + +Her companion lifted her clothes. "Go away young man, you've had your +game I think." "Oh! not there,--oh! it's biting." "Don't make that +noise." "Oh! it's here,--there,--just there." Slowly the companion +lifted the petticoats, first one side, then the other, showing thighs +and rump, and a great ugly crawling black thing dropped; it had crawled +up her petticoats whilst she was lying on the ground. I had drawn near, +and was gloating over the display of charms. "Ain't he had a treat +Molly!" said she. + +This sight finished me by making me as stiff as I had been five minutes +before; the other one still kept looking at me. "I'll give _you_ five +shillings," said I. "I've a good mind" said she. "Lor let him,--who'll +know?" "How stiff it is!" "Let him." "Feel it," said I. The woman put +her hand on it. "I'll go and watch," said the other moving away. "I +shan't." "Don't be a fool,"--and she moved out of sight, leaving us two +alone. + +Not a word more was said, I pushed her up against the upright railings +enclosing a monument; a slight stone-lodge going all round the monument +put her about an inch above me, I lifted her clothes, for an instant +only saw another dark-haired cunt, and drove my prick up it. She felt +pleasure the very first shove that I gave her. "Oh!--oh!--did she do it +with you?--did she spend?" she gasped in whispers, looking me full in +the face. "Yes she spent." + +That fetched her. "Oh! I'm coming,--oh! it's a coming," she gasped, and +laid her head over my shoulder. I felt her bum and belly wagging, and a +perfect torrent of cunt-liquor ran down on to my balls. I had not long +began my fuck, so was slower than with the first woman, and had fetched +her a second time before I had finished her standing up against the +railings. Then we stood, pressing our bellies together, keeping our +genitals coupled, and looking in each other's faces without speaking, +one or two minutes. + +"You don't know these parts?" said she whilst we still were coupled. +"I've never been here in my life before," I replied. "How hard your bum +is,--are you married?" "Yes." "Is she?" "No,--let me go, she is coming." +Down flopped my tool, and down fell her petticoats. + +The first-fucked came round the corner, then we talked. I had given the +first woman her five shillings directly after I had done her, and before +she found the reptile in her petticoats; I forgot to pay the other. +"Well young man, you've made a pair of us go crooked," said one. "Aye +that he have,--we've played high jinks." "Give us a kiss," said one. I +kissed them both, and off they walked. "Hulloh!" said I, "I forgot the +five shillings." "Lord so had I," said my creditor,--and I gave it her. + +"Don't come our way, the grave-digger knows us,--go straight across +there, and round the church." I watched them going along with their +steady step; who could have known from their look and manner, that both +had just been fucked! Who can tell the state of any woman's cunt, whom +you may meet anywhere! + +I went to my mother's, the hair on my prick was gummed flat on my belly +and balls, I found I had torn a hole in the knee of my trowsers, and a +lump of turd was sticking to my coat, that I had made her a pillow with, +the ground must have been hard and flinty, and some one had shit in the +high grass. + +What were the women?--certainly not gay. Did they fuck with me for fun, +for letch, or for money? I often have thought of it, and came to the +conclusion that both were lewd, that my baudy suggestions made them +worse, my prick upset them, and the money finished it; but that wanting +a fuck was the main cause; that one whose old man had been away three +months, how she looked at me and at my doodle, after I had fucked the +first one! + +Towards dusk I went to meet my washerwomen. Near the corner of the lane +in which they lived was an old-fashioned public-house well back from the +road, in front of it were two large elm-trees, beneath them seats where +poor people sat drinking and enjoying themselves in Summer. I stopped +and looked. Quite at the back sat the two women whom I had fucked; they +had pewter pots in front of them, and recognized me at once. Both got +up, and rushed inside the public-house rapidly. Funk was on their faces, +they seemed to struggle who should get inside the door first. I never +saw them afterwards, but at the sight of them my cock stood rigidly, and +I would have had them again had it been possible. Many a time since I +have been to that churchyard to look at the place among the tombs where +we three had our pleasures, and my prick always stiffened when I was +there. Such impromptu copulations have a wonderful charm. + + + + +CHAPTER X. + + The washerwoman's lane.--An intention frustrated.--A slap in + the face.--Choice language and temper.--A dinner in the + Haymarket.--The rocking-chair.--A lucky shove.--Up, and out + in a second.--A quarrel, and flight.--An enticing laugh.-- + The house in O... d. Street. + +Down the lane was the washerwoman's cottage, it had a little garden in +front of it. Through the window I saw the girls ironing by candle-light, +I walked about till quite dark, then knocked at the door. The short one +opened it, and seeing me shut the door saying, "Oh! you musn't call." So +I went away. + +Then I wrote asking them to meet me, and got no reply; but I persevered. +I was constantly thinking of the girls' baudy talk when sitting on the +barrow. I went to the house again, after writing to say when I would be +at the end of the lane, and found them standing there,--by accident they +said, they declared they had not had my letter. That was a lie I knew. I +began smutty talk, which they cut short by both going to their cottage. + +I wrote letters to the short one again, asking her to meet me, but +nothing came of that. At the end of their lane were market-gardens, I +saw Esther one evening at that end which joined the high-road, and was +close to the public-house where I had seen the women sitting whom I had +poked in the village church-yard. It was dark. I asked her to come for a +walk, she promised in a few minutes to come to me by the market-garden. +"If I don't," said she, "it will be because mother is at the door." But +she came. + +I swore I was in love with her, which was true to the extent of her +cunt, and wanted her to meet me elsewhere,--we would dine, and go to the +theatre together. No she could not be out late without a row. I kissed +her, which she took to in the darkness kindly enough. I whispered, "I +should like to fuck." "If you say that again," said she, "I'll slap your +chops." I did, and she gave me a slap in the face, and ran off. I was +hurt, and so annoyed, that I did not follow her, but bawled out, "You'll +split your cunt into your arse-hole if you run like that." Directly +afterwards a voice like as of an oldish female in the darkness said, +"Get along you drunken blackguard, the likes of you ought to be locked +up." Insulting the girl by foul-mouthed remarks had not improved I +feared my chance of broaching her, and for a while I desisted. + +But the letch was strong on me, I went to stay with my mother to +be nearer my game, and passed my time in playing billiards at the +public-house, and nightly I hunted the girl; so that at length under +promise to take her to Vauxhall she agreed to come and dine with me, or +as she said, have supper at eight o'clock with me. I usually then went +to Vauxhall at ten o'clock. + +I went to a French restaurant in the Haymarket, ordered a sitting and +bed-room, and a good supper. Thought I, "With a feast and champagne with +you by myself for a couple of hours, my cock and your cunt will make +acquaintance." + +To my annoyance she came with her sister. "I could not stop out late +without her," said she. I made the best of it, though very angry on the +quiet at seeing my game baulked. + +"I'll kiss you at once because you have brought your sister unasked, and +you Matilda because you came unasked,"--and I kissed both to my heart's +content. They liked it. They were dressed in the vulgarest style of +their class, and I felt ashamed of going to Vauxhall with them,--and did +not they gorge! Champagne they had never tasted before and they lapped +it up like milk. "It gets into your head, don't it?" said one. "No my +dear, champagne gets into your tail,--you'll want to piddle soon." +"Oh! for shame!" "Never mind there are plenty of chamber-pots in the +bed-room." "If you talk that way we'll go," said they laughing, but we +went on talking and drinking. + +Supper over, the waiter out of the room, both girls half-screwed, +half-screwed myself and wholly lewd, they both came and sat by me on the +sofa. Sisters again,--what fatality! + +The conversation was soon suggestive. Which did they like best, washing +a shirt or a chemise? They let out, checked themselves, checked each +other. "Lord Esther what _are_ you saying?" "Well Matilda I'm ashamed +of you." "Well that's pretty conversation for a gentleman,--let's +go,--promise you won't say anything like it again." "I won't,--but tell +me one thing,--how did you feel Esther, when you sat on the barrow and +said, '_fuck_'?" "You're a blackguard, I never said anything of the +sort,--did I Matilda?" "We'll go if you keep on so." + +Matilda got jealous. "It's my turn now," said she after I had been +kissing Esther. The wine got more into all our heads, and we laughed +and shouted. "Why did you come Matilda?" "Mother don't let Esther out +alone,--besides I didn't know what you two might be up to alone." "What +did you think we might be up to?" "Oh! that's tellings." This talk went +on for a time, gradually getting warmer and more suggestive; all were +thinking about fucking, though no one said so. + +By the sofa was an American rocking-chair, the first I ever recollect +having seen. Matilda began rocking herself in it, I rocked the chair +violently for her and then as far as it would go, back and held it +there, then rapidly I pushed one hand up her petticoats. Her legs were +distended somewhat as legs usually are when people are rocking, and my +fingers went on to her cunt. She lay back for the moment, helpless, then +managed to close her legs, but being almost on her back she could not +get free; she struggled to get up, and yelled out, "Oh! pull him off +Esther,---don't you beast." + +Esther was on the sofa. She got up, pulled me back, and the chair came +forwards, but not till I had lifted Matilda's clothes far above her +knees. She sulked, my blood was up, and pulling Esther down on the sofa +kissing her, I pushed my hand up her clothes, and on to _her_ cunt. She +screeched, then Matilda pulled me away. There had been much laughing and +yelling, but now they sulked. "We will go," said they. "I've felt both +your cunts," said I. + +Their bonnets were in the bed-room, and I would not let them get them, +put both fingers to my mouth, and kissed them saying, "That's touched +your cunt Matilda, that's touched yours Esther." Then I pulled out my +prick, and putting both fingers on it's tip said, "That's nearly the +same as if my prick had touched your cunt. + +"Call the waiter Esther," said Matilda angrily. I had gone too far, so +I desisted, begged pardon, promised never to do it again, to give them +both new bonnets, and I dare say anything else, and they sat down, but +for a long time sulking, and almost silent. + +But my humility and regrets overcame them, there was more chatting, more +laughing, more champagne. I got smutty again and now, they laughed at +it. "What nice legs, and what beautiful white linen you have Matilda." +"Mine is as white," said Esther. "Your legs are not as plump." "Yes they +are." I pinched their arms, then their legs, we all kissed, they were +both as randy as the devil, and incited me to smutty talk, though +affecting not to understand me. Then the champagne overcame us all. + +"You want to piddle?" "Ooh!--oh! no." "Really? then you want to see +if your bonnets are all right, that's all,--I want to piddle though." +Saying that I went into the bed-room, pissed, and came back, taking the +key out of the door. Laughing the girls then went into the bed-room, and +closed the door. They were very noisy, and groggy, the eldest worse than +the other. + +I listened at the door. "Lock the door Ess." "There's no key." "Stand +there, and hold it,--I'm bursting." "Don't he go on!--make haste, or +I'll pee myself." I pushed open the door suddenly, one was pushing her +clothes against her quim to dry it, the other on the pot, she let a loud +fart just as I opened the door. "Oh!" said she rising with difficulty. +"I'll wait till the music is over," said I going out,--but I returned +the next minute, and pulled out my prick again. "I'll fuck you both," +said I, and tried to put my hands up their clothes; when I got one the +other pulled me off, then I turned to her, and so on. We upset chairs, +we shreiked with laughter, it was Bedlam broke loose. I caught Matilda, +and threw her on her back on the bed. "Leave off now,--pull him away +Essie,--you're a going on too far,--oh! don't tickle,--oh! I can't bear +tickling." But I kept on. + +The tickling made her screech. I threw up her clothes, for she was still +on her back on the bed, I didn't see her cunt, for I was between her +legs, and bent over her, lifted her legs, and pressed hard down on +her belly, her clothes on it which met mine, I gave a shove, having no +thought of doing anything but lewd mimickry of the act of copulation, +whilst Esther was tugging at my coat. Matilda shrieked, for my prick +went up her cunt, and out again before I knew where it was,--another +furious shriek. Frightened I had let go of her, she rolled off the bed, +and sat on the chair maudlin, and crying. + +"What's the matter?" said Esther, "what's he done?" "Oh!" sobbed +Matilda, "where's my bonnet?--let's go,--I will go." "Stay,--be quiet." +"I won't,--I will go." The waiter just then came into the room begging +us not to make so much noise, as people were noticing it. Matilda crying +and angry, Esther questioning, Matilda telling Esther to put on her +things, or she would go without her, whilst there stood the French +waiter and a chamber-maid, wondering what the row was all about,--if +they had not heard, and did not guess it. + +The girls were frightened, and I could not stop them. They had their +things on, and were out of the house in a few minutes, I went down with +them saying we would go to Vauxhall. The landlord stopped me. "Your bill +sir." I paid it, and when I got out could see the two girls nowhere. I +took a cab, drove here, there, and everywhere, but they were gone. + +I came back towards the Haymarket, took the first woman I met, and went +to a house in C... d. n Street. Half-an-hour afterwards I went with +another; whilst with her I heard a merry-voiced woman in an adjoining +room, and without seeing her took a fancy to her. I dismissed my second +woman after fucking her, and enquired of the servant how long the lady +who was laughing had been in the adjoining room. She knew nothing, so I +waited door ajar, till I saw the woman leave, followed, and brought her +back, fucked her, and had not enough money to pay for riding home. + +The more I think of that adventure the more extraordinary it seems; from +the time I threw Matilda on to the bed, till my prick had entered her +cunt, and got out again, I don't believe it could have occupied more +than a few seconds. She was heavy, I only just could lift her, and her +petticoats seemed but half-way up. She laughed loudly as I did so, and +when I leant over her with my prick out, I had not the remotest idea of +broaching her, nor that my prick might touch even her thighs; but she +must have been in the exact position, and her struggles brought her +notch down to the level, and my prick by mere chance drove a little way +up the hole; then her bum-wriggle threw me out instantly, and her yell +frightened me. Whether she was a virgin or not, or whether I hurt her +or not, I cannot say; could not even swear that my prick had entered her +cunt, but it felt like it; and why did she yell, then sulk, and go away +in a temper, if I had not somehow touched that slippery orifice? + + + + +CHAPTER XL. + + Esther meets me.--Vauxhall.--Ex-harlot Sarah.--Esther + succumbs.--Big-arsed and bandy-legged.--Periodic fucking.-- + Matilda invincible.--I part with Esther.--Her fortune. + +I wrote to Esther, who met me in the lane, she was in her airs. I +had quite forgotten myself she said, and had made them both drunk +purposely,--it was not like a gentleman,--I had acted very improper; she +would not recollect where my hand had been did not believe I had felt +her thighs, she was tipsy. That was the line the cunning jade took in a +dark lane. "Now don't be foolish, and run away when I tell you." "Well +I won't." Then I said something suggestive, and she got cosy with me. +"What was it you really did to Tilda?" "Nothing." "You did." "Ask her," +"She won't tell me, and she will never speak with you again." Truthfully +or not Esther declared she did not know what I had done to make her +sister holler out so. + +"I'll give you a bonnet, and we will go to Vauxhall,--don't let your +sister know." I gave her the money, she agreed to meet me again, and +did, and again asked me what I had done to her sister. I would tell some +night when I slept with her. Then she would never know, for she would +never be in bed with me, or any one else, till she was married. + +I progressed in the usual way, praised her big bum, guessed she had +fat thighs, etc. "You know I did feel them." No, she did not recollect. +After talking thus one night my prick was in stiffish form, and I put +her hand round it. She laid hold of it innocently, then snatched her +hand away violently. Then I did the old, old trick, promised a pair +of garters, if she would let me put them on,--in the dark of course. +"No,--no." "So help me God, I won't do more than put them on." Two +minutes after that my finger was on her split. This was all in the dark +lane. + +I wonder what a girl of that class thinks of, hopes, expects when she +meets a gentleman on the sly. Does she expect he will fall in love, and +marry her?--does she know that he wants to fuck her?--does she like to +meet a man who has that intention, and long to hear smutty suggestions, +and baudy talk?--does she like the lustful feeling creeping over her, +as she stands by a randy man who is making lewd remarks? I imagine that +like the man, she is randy and wants to hear his baudy talk, to feel his +lips on hers, to hug him, to feel his hand wandering about her hidden +parts, that she meets him really for that purpose, just as much as he +meets her for the purpose. But they differ in this: he means to get her +if possible; she has made up her mind that whatever she may permit, he +shan't fuck her,--but she generally makes a mistake in that. + +We went to Vauxhall, she told her mother she was going to the theatre +with Sarah and her husband (the woman who had said the bigger it was the +nicer it was), I was to take her to Sarah's when Vauxhall was over. I +gave her a lobster and champagne supper, she got spoony, I talked baudy, +she said it was abominable, this was all the Gardens. At length her +modesty broke. "Don't you want to piddle?" "I really do bad," said she +without hesitation. I took her to the ladies' place, and soon we left. +There were nice little houses not far from Vauxhall. I had been in the +afternoon, and paid for a room for the night to be sure of it, and took +her there. She would not go in till I said it was only to have another +glass of wine; but I believe she guessed what she was going in for. Then +I persuaded her to stop all night, the woman of the house was to call +us at six o'clock, so that she might get home early. She had made up her +mind to consent, and had no sham about it. I undressed her, tore my own +things off, threw myself on her, and with the first shove or two had +finished her virginity,--my prick went up with little difficulty. + +We fucked all night, I revelled in her cunt. She was healthy, +full-blooded, randy-arsed, and spent like fun; we did it several times +before sleeping, then in the night, and awakened about eleven o'clock +next day. "Oh! my God," said she, "what will mother say,--I'm ruined." +"Well it's no use crying, you are in for it." A few tears, then a fuck, +a piddle, a wash,--and then refreshed we go through the ceremony, of +inspecting privates, and so fucking, looking, smelling, frigging, and +finger-stinking we lay till devilish hungry. Then we got up, and after +going to a chop-house and having food, I put her into a cab to go home. +I enjoyed myself much that night, a fresh cunt is always charming, and +there is such delight in killing modesty in a woman who has never been +fucked before; the struggle to get her to open her thighs to let you see +her cunt is in itself a delicious treat. + +On the bed spunk lay in all directions, and over her chemise as well, +and there was the least smear of blood. I had pushed through something +tight to get into her, but it was an easy business, so easy that I +thought she had had cock before; but she was large cunted, the very +jagged, ragged tear was full size; her cunt-hair was dark, her bum was +one of the biggest for her height I have seen, it was out of proportion. +Her privates did not fascinate me, and when I had had her two or three +dozen times I grew tired of her. She was also bandy-legged, a thing I +never could bear in a woman. + +She went to Sarah's that day, and remained there, her mother sent to +know why. Sarah said that Esther had had bowel attack after they came +home from the theatre, and her mother then went to see her. A girl +always looks ill after her first poking, and Esther had been fucked out, +so her mother was taken in. Her sister Matilda said she did not believe +it. + +Sarah I found had been gay, and said she now was married; they did not +believe that, though they kept their disbelief to themselves, and only +Esther knew she had been gay, although all knew she had run away from +home. Sarah got her living by washing for Esther's mother. I heard some +funny things about her afterwards. + +I could not get Esther to stop out again all night, but she met me often +enough, and became a baudy little bitch whose cunt much wanted feeding. +She told me the awful state of mind she and her sister were in at my +first overhearing them with the barrow; they had been talking of fucking +all that day, Sarah had begun it. Taking hold of some linen, "Oh! my," +she said, "look here, ain't they been a doing it!---here is +waste." There was spunk on the linen. I heard a good deal of choice +washerwoman's talk from Esther afterwards, and found that it was not an +unusual thing for laundresses to joke about the semen they found on the +linen of their customers, and that if they found suspicious signs on +the man's linen, to give the lady of the house a hint to look after +her husband. Many a husband has I am sure been discovered to have had +illicit pleasure, or to have the ladies' favor through the hints of an +officious laundress. + +I made Esther liberal presents, but didn't take her much to Vauxhall or +theatres, although she was constantly asking me to do so. I had taken +her to Vauxhall one night after I had first had her, and saw some one +there whom I should have been sorry to have seen me with Esther. We went +to the little snug, quiet accommodation house which had been the scene +of the slaughter of her virginity, and there fucked; sometimes we +walked instead of riding home, and when near the village, turning down +a secluded street, or lane, I set her back up against a fence, and had +her; then with her cunt buttered home she went alone. I took her once or +twice to the theatre, and for fear of being seen had a box; but I could +not afford those extravagances. Although not a bad-looking girl, and one +who would stir up sensations in a man's ballocks when he looked at her, +she was vulgar in appearance; and neither bonnets nor dress made any +improvement in her,--she was a washerwoman all over. + +After she was well acquainted with two or three baudy houses I grew +tired of her, and quarrelled with her. One night I went to my mother's +who was ill; and as I passed the end of the lane where Esther lived saw +one or two young men and women larking. She and her sister sometimes +came to the end of the lane when their work was done, to see the people +going along the high-road, and to chat there with neighbours. The men +were chivying the girls, and Esther was one of them. I watched them from +a safe distance, heard laughing and screeching, and every now and then +one of the girls chased by a man darted down the dark lane, and I heard +a shriek. There was no light in the lane, and not much even in the +high-road from the feeble oil-lamps. I thought also that I saw Esther +kissed, she yelled and got away, but it seemed to me she much liked it. +For some reason all the wenches suddenly disappeared, and the men, +who were of the laboring class, leaned against the railings of the +public-house, and talked. I walked slowly by them, and heard one say, +"I felt her cunt the other night, so help me Gor." I did not know who he +spoke of, but I made up my mind it was Esther. + +I wrote Esther to meet me, and then told her she had let a man feel her +cunt, and what I had seen and heard. She denied all cheekily, but got +confused when I told her what the man said. "I was in the lane," said I +afterwards, "and quite towards that end where I have felt you often,--I +hid, and I know he was feeling you there." It was a bare-faced lie of +mine, because I had gone away; but it was a hit. "He didn't," said she, +"though he tried." "I heard him say you felt his prick," said I lying +away again, "he went up the lane, and told that tall young man that, 'so +help his God', you had." "He wanted to make me, but I didn't,--he is +the greatest liar in the place. It was sneaking of you to be hiding like +that, and watching me," said she. + +I wanted to fuck her, but she would not let me. She slanged me, said +I had deceived her, had said I would keep her, and lots of other +things,--and off she went. I took no notice for a fortnight, then went +to the lodgings of Sarah, and had a talk with her. Sarah said that +Esther was mad with me for not writing nor going to see her, and blamed +me for not "behaving handsome". "No other man has ever touched Esther," +said she, "you don't seem to care about her,--but there's plenty who +do,--there are two or three gents about who would be glad to be in your +place." + +I had her again, then had a desire to get into her sister, and tried +several times to see Matilda, caught her standing with Esther in the +lane once or twice, but she bolted off directly I went up to her. Once +she opened the door to me at her cottage, and slammed it in my face. +I had not told Esther what had made Matilda cry out till that day, +and then I did. "It's a lie," said she, "you went up my sister +Matilda?--what a crammer!" "She might tell her sister," and she did. +Matilda said I was a liar, and that what I had done was to shove my +finger violently up her, and hurt her very much. Esther believed +her sister. Matilda was going to be married to the potman at the +public-house close by, I then heard. + +After that Esther met me a few times, and her sister seemed much on her +mind; for she unvariably after she had felt my prick for a minute would +say, "And you mean to tell me it went right into Tilda?" "Yes right in." +"Oh! what a story,--it could not have been." I grew tired of her, and +she of me,--probably some other man had taken a fancy to her, so I gave +her ten pounds one night, told her I was going abroad, and would see +her on my return, but I never did. I saw her near my mother's house +two years afterwards with quite a genteel well-dressed young man, she +looking nice and fresh, but very vulgar. She saw me. Her eyes had a +painful expression in them, partly like fear, partly as if she were +going to cry; and then she dropped them. They passed me, I of course +not taking the slightest notice, but had a cock-stand, and felt jealous, +--such a funny thing is male nature. I never saw her afterwards, but saw +Sarah the washerwoman and ex-harlot, and gave her five shillings for a +chat about the two girls. Esther had gone off with a gent, Matilda had +married the potman, who had taken to drink, and used to "whop her." And +that is the end of my acquaintance with the two girls. + +I had great difficulty in keeping Esther from knowing too much about me, +and used a false name, had letters sent to a post-office, and had to do +much lying. The oddest thing was that though so near my mother's house, +and though I passed her one day when walking with one of my married +sisters, she did not know I was often living there, and close by her +home; but she found it out just before I parted with her. She knew quite +well that the conversation when sitting on the barrow could only have +been heard from one of the garden-walls close by the barrow; but I would +not at first tell her which. My real name I don't think she ever knew, +though I am not sure of that.. + +Curiosity made me call on ex-harlot Sarah, who lived in one room, and +whilst talking I put my hand up her petticoats, on to her cunt. She +laughed, opened her thighs wide, and said, "I knowed yer would," and she +looked as if a fuck would have gratified her,--but I did not attempt it. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + + Preliminary.--My taste for beauty of form.--Sarah Mavis.-- + Midday in the Quadrant.--No. 13 J... s Street.--A bargain in + the hall.--A woman with a will.--Fears about my size.-- + Muck.--Cold-blooded.--Tyranny.--My temper.--Submission.--A + revolt.--A half-gay lady.--Sarah watches me.--A quarrel.-- + Reconciliation. + +I must go back a year or more before the night when I last had +Kitty with the yellow hair and yellow motte, to tell the story of my +acquaintance with a woman of whom I have little to tell, considering +that she more or less is included in the history of my amours for nearly +four years, and who will appear more than once some years after that. A +word about my sensuous temperament first. + +I had early a taste for beauty of female form. Face had for me of course +the usual attraction, for beauty of expression always speaks to the soul +of a man first. A woman's eyes speak to him before she opens her mouth, +and instinctively (for actual knowledge only comes to him in his maturer +years) he reads in them liking, dislike, indifference, voluptuousness, +desire, sensuous abandonment, or fierce reckless lust. + +All these feelings can be seen in a woman's eyes alone, for they express +and move with every feeling, every passion, pure or sensual. They can +beget in the male pure love as it is called, which is believed to be +so till experience teaches that however pure it may be, it cannot exist +without the occasional help of a burning throbbing, stiff prick, up +a hot, wide-stretched cunt, and a simultaneous discharge of spermatic +juices from both organs. The rest of a woman's body, the breasts and +limbs, can move lust unaccompanied by love, and if once admiration of +them begins lust follows instantly. A small foot, a round, plump leg and +thigh, and a fat backside speak to the prick straight. Form is in fact +to most, more enticing, and creates a more enduring attachment in men of +mature years, than the sweetest face. A plain woman with fine limbs and +bum, and firm, full breasts will (unless her cunt be an ugly gash) draw +a man to her where the prettiest-faced Miss will fail. Few men, unless +their bellies be very big, or they be very old, will keep long to a bony +lady whose skinny buttocks can be held in one hand. I early had a +taste for female form, it was born with me. Even when a boy I selected +partners for dancing because they were what I called crummy, and admired +even at one time a fat-arsed middle-aged woman who sold us bull's eyes, +because I had caught her exhibiting large legs when squatting down to +piss. For years I had had at the period named, two friends, one of whom +was a sculptor, who alas! drank himself to death; and one a painter +still living as I write this. I had been in their studios, seen their +naked models, heard their opinions on both male and female beauty, +and had the various points of female perfection shown me on the +lady-sitters. I had them explained in two instances by the ladies +themselves, in private sittings, and with them I had sexual pleasures +which they said the artists had neither got out of them nor given them. +I had myself sketched from the nude, and was thought a not bad hand +at it, and had therefore by training, instinct, and a most voluptuous +temperament become a good judge of beauty of female form. + +I did not write the above paragraphs, when I wrote what follows about +Sarah Mavis, they are added now many years afterwards, when I am +wondering at what I did in those early days, marvelling at my judgment +in selection, and seeking the reasons which guided me then in getting +for my sexual embraces, as many modes of female beauty of form, as +perhaps any one Englishman ever had,--short of a prince. + +One Summer's morning about midday, I was in the Quadrant. It had been +raining, and the streets were dirty. In front of me I saw a well-grown +woman walking with that steady, solid, well-balanced step which I even +then knew indicated fleshy limbs, and a fat backside. She was holding +her petticoats well up out of the dirt, the common habit of even +respectable women then. With gay ladies the habit was to hold them up +just a little higher. I saw a pair of feet in lovely boots which seemed +perfection, and calves which were exquisite. I fired directly. Just +by Beak Street she stopped, and looked into a shop. "Is she gay?" I +thought. "No." I followed on, passed her, then turned round, and met her +eye. She looked at me, but the look was so steady, indifferent, and with +so little of the gay woman in her expression, that I could not make up +my mind as to whether she was accessible or not. + +She turned back and went on without looking round. Crossing Tichborne +Street she raised her petticoats higher, it was very muddy there. I then +saw more of both legs, my prick stood at the sight of her limbs, and +settled me. I followed quickly, saying as I came close, "Will you come +with me?" She made no reply, and I fell behind. Soon she stopped +again at a shop, and looked in, and again I said, "May I go with +you?" "Yes,--where to?" "Where you like,---I will follow you." Without +replying a word, and without looking at me, without hurrying, she walked +steadily on till she entered the house No. 13 J...s Street, which I +entered that day for the first time, but many hundreds of times since. +Her composure, and the way she stopped from time to time to look at +the shops as she went along astonished me: she seemed in no hurry, nor +indeed conscious that I was close at her heels, though she knew it. + +Inside the house she stopped at the foot of the staircase, and turning +round said in a low tone, "What are you going to give me?" "Ten +shillings." "I won't go upstairs then, so tell you at once." "What +do you want?" "I won't let any one come with me unless they give me a +sovereign at least." "I will give you that." Then she mounted, nothing +more being said. Asking me the question at the foot of the stairs +astonished me, I had been asked it in a room often before, and in the +street; but at the foot of a staircase,--never. + +We entered a handsome bed-room. Turning round after paying for it, and +locking the door, I saw her standing with her back to the light (the +curtains were down, but the room was nevertheless light), one arm +resting on the mantle-piece. She looked at me fixedly, and I did at her. +Then I recollect noticing that her mouth was slightly open, and that she +looked seemingly vacantly at me (it always was so), that she had a black +silk dress on, and a dark-colored bonnet. Then desire impelled; I went +close to her, and began to lift her clothes. She pushed them down in a +commanding way saying, "Now none of that." + +"Oh! here is your money," said I gutting down a sovereign on the +mantle-piece. She broke into a quiet laugh. "I did not mean that," +she remarked. "Let me feel you." "Get away," said she impatiently, and +turning she took off her bonnet. I then saw she had thick and nearly if +not quite black hair, and recollect that I noticed these points just +in the order I have narrated them. Then she leaned her arm on the +mantle-piece again, and looked at me quietly, her mouth slightly open, +and I stood looking at her without speaking, my sperm fermenting in +my balls; but I was slightly bothered, almost intimidated by her cold +manner,---a manner so unlike what I usually met with in strumpets. + +"You have beautiful legs." "So they say." "Let me see them." She laid +down on the sofa, her back to the light, without uttering a word. I +threw off coat and waistcoat, and sitting at the foot of the sofa threw +up her dress to her knees; higher I tried, but she resisted. Then +my fingers felt her cunt, and the delight of the feel and sight of her +beautiful limbs overwhelmed me. "Take off your things,--let me see you +undressed,--you must be exquisite." My hands roved all about her bum, +belly and thighs, and just seeing the flesh above her garters I fell +to kissing it, and kissed upwards till the aroma of her cunt met my +nostrils, and its thicket met my lips and mingled with my moustache, +which I then wore, though so few men then did. I fell on my knees by +the side of her, kissing, feeling, and smelling; but she kept her thighs +close together, and pushed her petticoats over my head whilst I kissed, +so that I saw but little of her beauties. + +Then excited almost to madness by my amusement I rose up. "Oh! come +to the bed,--come." She lay quite still. "No,--do it here,--leave me +alone,--I won't have my clothes pulled up,--I won't be pulled about,--if +you want it have me, and have done." "Well get on to the bed." "I +shan't." "I can't do it on the sofa." "Well I'm going then." "You shan't +till I have had you,--only let me see your thighs." "There then,"--and +up went her clothes half-way. "Higher," "I shan't." Now my prick was +out. "Get on the bed,--I won't do it here,--take your things off." +"I shan't." "You shall." All was said by her in a determined way, but +without signs of temper. + +She rose without saying another word, I think I see now as I write, her +exquisite legs in beautiful silk stockings as they showed when getting +off the sofa, and getting on to the bed. "But I want your clothes off." +"I won't take them off, I'm in a hurry,--I never do." "Oh! you must." +"I won't,--now come and do what you want to do,--I'm in a hurry." She +lifted her clothes just high enough to show the fringe of her cunt, and +opened her thighs a little. I thrilled with lewd delight as I saw them, +and mounted her, laid between them, and inserted my prick. Ah! at my +first shove almost I was spending in her. + +"Oh! lay quiet dear, I've only been up you a second." "No,--get off, +and let me wash." I resisted, but she uncunted me, and got off the bed +quickly. "Now don't come near while I wash,--I can't bear a man looking +at me washing myself." I insisted, for I was longing to see the form I +had scarcely yet had a glimpse of. Putting down the basin she pulled the +bed-curtains round her to hide her whilst she slopped her quim. I would +not be rude, and saw nothing. Then on went her bonnet. "Are you going +first, or I?" said she. "I shall wait as long as you will." "Then I will +go first,"--and she was going away when I stopped her. + +"When will you again meet me?" "Oh! when out at all, I am up to one +o'clock in Regent Street." "Where do you live?" "I shan't say,--good +bye." "No,--wait,--come to me this afternoon." "I can't." "This +evening." She hesitated. "I can't stay long if I do." "Well an hour and +a half." "Perhaps." "Will you take off your clothes then?" "No,--good +bye, I am in a hurry." "Meet me at seven o'clock to-night.--do." "No." +"At eight then." "Well I will be here expecting you,--but I shan't stop +long." "Will you let me see your form up to your waist?" "Oh! I hate +being looked at,"--and off she went, leaving me in the room. + +I dined at my Club, and was in a fever of lust all day. "Will she come?" +for she had only half promised. Half-an-hour before the time I was at +the house, and had the same room again. It was handsome throughout, had +a big four-post bed with handsome hangings (this was thirty years ago +mind) on one side of the room on another side by a partition was a +wash-hand stand of marble, against the wall on the opposite side a large +glass just at the level of the bed; at the foot of the bed a large +sofa opposite to the fire; over the chimney-piece a big glass sloping +forwards, so that those sitting or lying on the sofa could see +themselves reflected in it; in the angle of the room by the windows a +big cheval-glass which could be turned in any direction, two easy-chairs +and a bidet, the hangings were of red damask, two large gas-burners +were over the chimney-piece angles. It was the most compact, comfortable +baudy house bed-room I have perhaps ever been in, although by no means a +large room. They charged seven and six for its use, and twenty shillings +for the night. Scores of times I have paid both fees. I noticed all +this, and that a couple could see their amatory amusements on the bed, +on the sofa, or anyhow in fact, by aid of the cheval and other glasses. +I was delighted with the room, but in a fever of anxiety lest the lady +should not come. I walked about with my prick out, seeing how I looked +in the glasses, laid on the bed, and noticed how it looked in the +side-glass, squatted on the sofa, glorying in the sight of my balls and +stiff-stander. Then I had a sudden fear that she would think my prick +small; what put it into my head I never could exactly say, I used when +at school to fancy mine was smaller than that of other boys, and some +remark of a gay woman about its size made me most sensitive on the +topic. I was constantly asking the women if my prick was not smaller +than other men's. When they said it was a very good size,--as big as +most,--I did not believe them, and I used when I pulled it out, to say +in an apologetic tone, "Let's put it up, there's not much of it." "Oh! +it's quite big enough," one would say. "I've seen plenty smaller," would +say another. But still the idea clung to me, that it was not a prick +to be in any way proud of,--which was a great error. But I have told of +this weakness more than once before, I think. + +I recollect well that night fearing she would think my prick +contemptible, and it pained me much, for I was hooked, although I did +not know it. I brushed my hair, and made myself inviting with a desire +to please her, without thinking that I was taking the trouble to do so +for a woman who was going to be fucked for twenty shillings, and whom I +now know did not then care how I looked, or who I was, long as she +got her money as soon as she could, and got rid of me to make way for +another man, or to go and spend what she had earned. + +She did not keep her time. I kept listening, and peeping out as I heard +footsteps and saw couples bent on sexual pleasure going up the stairs, +and heard them overhead walking about. This and the excitement at the +recollection of my instantaneous spend between her magnificent thighs, +my pulling about my prick and contemplating it in the glass, the moving +about of the various couples made me in such a state of randiness that I +could scarcely keep from frigging. A servant who had noticed my peeping +came in, and begged I would not look out, for customers did not like it. +Did they know where my lady lived? and would they send for her? They did +not. Then the servant came to say I had been an hour in the room,--did I +mean to wait any longer? I knew what that meant, and was about to say I +would pay for the room twice, when I heard a heavy, slow tread, and the +lady's face appeared. + +I grumbled at her delay, she took my complaints quietly, she could not +come earlier, was all she said. She pulled off her bonnet, put it on the +chair, turned round, leaned her arm on the mantle-piece, and stared at +me again in a half-vacant way with her mouth slightly open, just as in +the morning. I gave her very little time to stare, for I had my hand on +her cunt in no time, and nearly spent in my trowsers as I touched it. +She tried the same game,--she would not be pulled about,--she would not +let her cunt be looked at,--if I meant to do it, do it, and have +done with it. My blood rose. "I'd be damned if I would,--nor pay, nor +anything else unless she took her gown off. So she took it off laughing, +and laid down on the sofa. Not on the bed. No she would not. Then damned +if I would do it (though I was nearly bursting). Again she laughed, and +then got on to the bed. I saw breasts of spotless purity, and exquisite +shape, bursting out over the corset, threw up the petticoats, saw the +dark hair at the bottom of the belly, and the next instant a thrust, +a moment's heaving,--quietness,--another thrust,--a sigh,--a gush of +sperm,--and again I had finished with but a minute's complete sexual +enjoyment only. + +"Get up." "I won't" "Let me wash the muck out." "No."--and I pinned +her down, squeezed to her belly, grasped her haunches. "I've not done +spending." "Yes you have." A wriggle and a jerk, and I was uncunted +and swearing. She sat down on the basin, I stooped down, tore aside the +curtains, and put my hand on to her gaping cunt. She tried to rise, and +pushed me,--I pushed her. She tilted on one side, her bum caught the +edge of the basin, and upset the water. + +"Damn you," said she,--then she laughed and got up. I pushed her against +the side of the bed, and again got my fingers on the cunt,--slippery +enough it was. "You're one of those beasts, are you?" said she. + +"I've never felt your cunt properly, and I will." "Well let me wash it, +and you shall." She did so, I felt it, and then begged for another fuck. + +"You are not in a hurry." "Yes I am." "You said you would give me an +hour and a half." "Yes, but you have done me, and what is the good +of keeping me?" "I mean to do it again." "Double journey double pay." +"Nonsense,--you so excited me, that I've never had a proper poke yet." +"Well that is no fault of mine." She laughed, and turned questioner. "Do +you often have the women from Regent Street?" "Yes." "Do you know many?" +"Yes, I vary so." "Ah! you are fond of change,--I thought so,"--and she +got talkative after that. I had thought her almost a dummy. + +Meanwhile I was gloating over her charms, her beautiful arms, the lovely +breasts I now played with, the lovely limbs I saw, for she had sat down +in the most enticing position with the ankle of one foot resting on +the knee of the other leg. I wanted to pull the clothes higher up the +thighs, she resisted, but I saw the beautiful ankles, the tiny boots +and feet, the creamy flesh of the thigh just above the garter, thighs +thickening, folding over, squeezing together, and hiding her cunt from +view when I tried to look up. + +I had hid my prick, the fear had come over me of her thinking it small, +and that prevented it standing again. An hour ran away. "I'm going," +said she rising. My prick stood at the instant. "Let me." "Make haste +then." As she stood up I put my hand up her petticoats. She put her hand +down, and gave my prick a hard squeeze. I hollowed,--she laughed. + +"I've a good mind not to let you,--you've been so long,--but you may do +it." She got on to the bedside. "Oh! for God's sake don't move,--that +attitude is exquisite." One leg was well on the bed, the petticoats were +squeezed up, and the leg on the ground from the boot-heel to about four +inches above her garter was visible. She was half turning round, her +lovely breasts, or rather one of them showed half-front, and with +her head looking round at me as she was moving, it altogether made a +ravishingly luscious picture. I put my hands up from behind between her +thighs. That broke the spell, she moved on to the bed directly,--I on to +her. + +"Oh! God you are heavenly, lovely,--oh! God my darling,--oh!" I was +spending and kissing her too quickly again; lust almost deprived me of +my pleasure. In a dozen shoves I was empty. It was all over. + +"How quietly you stood in that attitude," said I. "I can stand in an +attitude nearly five minutes without moving, almost without showing that +I am breathing, without winking an eye." I thought nothing of this at +the time, excepting that it was brag. + +"Give me five shillings, for I have been a long time with you,--I've a +reason,--I won't ask you again." I gave it her. "Shall you be in Regent +Street to-morrow morning?" "Yes." + +I was in Regent Street, met her, and had her you may be sure, and +repeated these meetings for a week daily, and sometimes twice a day; but +got no more than the shortest time with her, the quickest fuck, a rapid +uncunting. She did not spend with me, and showed no signs of pleasure, +scarcely took the trouble to move her bum, would not undress, would not +let me look at her cunt. I submitted to it, for I was caught, but did +not know that then,--she did. That is she knew that I was damnably lewd +upon her, and used that knowledge to suit her convenience. I had no +right to grumble at it. I need not have had her, had I not liked upon +those terms. But I did. At length I grumbled, and at last almost had a +quarrel. "I won't see you again," said I. "No one asks you," said she. + +As my means were not large, and my purse grew rather empty, I was glad +to keep away a few days. Then again I saw her in Regent Street; and +after giving her the wink followed her. She walked on, but instead of +going to the house, passed the end of the street. On she went, I went +close to her, it was the second time I had spoken to her in the street. +"Oh! I did not understand you," she said, "besides I'm in a hurry." "Oh! +do come." "Well I can't stop five minutes." "Nonsense." "Well then I +can't,"--and she went on walking. My prick got the better of my temper. +"Well come back." She turned round, and bent her way to J...s Street, +saying, "Don't let us go in together." + +When in the house she got on to the bed without a moment's delay. I +had her, and she was out of the house again in less than ten minutes, +leaving me in a very angry state of mind; but she promised to meet me +the following night if she could, and to stay longer with me. + +She came an hour late, and found me fretting and fuming in the bed-room. +They did not hurry me now at that house, I being already known there, +and gave me whenever they could the same chamber. "I'm in a great +hurry," were the first words Sarah said. "Why you told me you would stay +longer." "Yes,--I am sorry, but I can't." "You never can,--but take +off your gown." "I really can't,--have me at the side of the bed,--you +wanted it so the other day." "No I won't." "Then I'll get on the +bed,"--and on she got. + +I tried to open her legs, to turn her round to see her bum (I had +never seen it yet properly). No she would not undress, she would do +nothing,--I might have it her way, or leave it alone and go. How green +it was to submit to all this. + +I lost my temper, for my delight I saw was in her lovely form, in her +physical beauty; whilst she seemed to think that the only joy I could +have was to spend in her cunt as fast as I could. "I won't have you at +all," said I getting resolute at last. "All right," said she getting off +the bed, "I'm really in a hurry,--another night I will." "Another night +be damned--you are nearly a bilk,--there,"--and I threw the sovereign on +a table, and put on my hat. "Are you going?" "Yes, I'm going to get some +woman who is not ashamed of her cunt." "Go along then." Off I went. +When halfway down the stairs I heard her calling to me to come back, but +savage I went off. + +I walked up Regent Street savage with her, and with myself too, for not +having had my fuck, even if she had gone away a minute afterwards. Randy +as the devil I saw a woman at the corner of the Circus, and accosted +her, she turned away, I accosted her again. "Will you come with +me?" "Yes if you like." "Do you know a house about here?" "No I'm a +stranger." Then I took her to J... s Street, had her two or three times +and toyed with her a long time, stopping till she would stop no longer, +saying she should be locked out if she was not off. She was only +half-gay I think, and wanted a fuck. I had just offered myself in time. +She was a biggish woman of about thirty years of age. After I had fucked +her the first time, we laid on the bed together; she played with my +prick till it was stiff again, and then turning on to her back said, +"Come on,--let's have it again." + +I thought much of my fine-limbed Sarah Mavis, but it was with anger. A +fuck for ten shillings was all very well when randy, but even when in a +hurry I never was satisfied till I had pulled the cunt open, and given +it a general inspection, although it was generally but a rapid one in +those days. If I had the same woman again another day, it was because +I liked her and liked to talk to her, for I always found them more +complaisant the longer I knew them. But here had I been having a woman +daily, and sometimes twice a day, mainly because she was so exquisite in +form (for I had some idea even then that her cunt was not a good fit +to my prick;) yet I had never seen her cunt; nor her backside, nor her +bubbies, nor her arm-pits,' nor her navel, nor anything properly, and so +I determined not to have her again, and to dismiss her from my mind. But +I was hooked. + +To economize I again went with cheap women, and seemed to get just as +nice women for ten shillings as I did for twenty; but I had taken a +liking for the house in J...s Street, which was an expensive one, and +liked the best room, and took my cheap women to my dear room. One +woman said, "Well you might give me a little more, and have a cheaper +room,--the room gets nearly as much as you give me." And I saw a woman +there one night pocket the comb, and a piece of soap,--she stole them. +I heard in pleasant conversation afterwards, that soap and combs were +often stolen by women,--especially soap. + +About a fortnight afterwards I saw my Venus again, and again was +closetted with her. I could resist my desire for her no longer, for +having never ceased thinking of her even when fucking other women. She +was just as calm, but there was a little, quiet spite about her. When +she had taken off her bonnet, and looked at me for a minute with her +mouth open as usual, she said, "I suppose you have been having other +women." I can't tell why it was, but I lied, and said "no." "What did +you go upstairs with one for?" said she, "the night after you left +me,--I was in the parlour, and peeping through the door saw you and +the woman who stumbled at the foot of the stairs" (which was the fact). +"Well I did," I replied, "and saw her cunt,--and that's more than I ever +saw of yours." "You've seen as much as you will." Putting on my hat +in rage, "Then I may as well go,--here is your money,"--and I +turned towards the door. "Don't be a fool," said she, "what _do_ you +want?--what _do_ all you men want?--you are all beasts alike,--you're +never satisfied." She was angry. "Don't be in a hurry, and let's see +your precious cunt." I recollect saying that very distinctly, being +angry,--and that up to that time I had been chaste in my remarks. I was +at that time of my life not at all lewd or strong in word with women +when we first met, but was somewhat less so so soon as I warmed, and +only when randy to the highest degree or by fits and starts, spiced my +conversation highly with lewd expressions. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + + Sarah's complaisance.--Mistress Hannah.--About Sarah.-- + Sexual indifference.--After dinner.--Stark naked at last.-- + Her form.--The scar.--Hannah's friendship.--The baudy house + parlour.--The Guardsman.--Sarah's greed.--A change in her + manner.--A miscarriage.--Going abroad.--I am madly in + love.--Sarah's history. + +She laughed. "Well I will,--but don't make me undress,--I'm in a hurry." +"Of course,--you always are." She laid on the sofa, and pulled up her +clothes,--she was yielding. "No,--come here." She came, and laid on the +side of the bed. At length I saw those glorious thighs open wider, the +dark-shaded crack with the swelling lips showed itself more freely than +I had ever seen it before. I dropped on my knees, and propping up one of +her feet with my hand, lifted the leg so that the thighs distended, and +a large bit of crimson nymphae began to show, the faint but delicious +odour of her cunt stole up my nostrils, my lips closed on her gap, and +kissed it lecherously, my brain whirled as my nose rubbed in the thicket +of dark hair, and my lip touched her clitoris. I know nothing more +excepting that I was up her as she laid there, and spending as quickly +as ever, before I had in fact well plugged her. "Are you satisfied?" +said she as she looked up from washing her cunt by the side of me. "No, +it's so quick,--you fetch me so quickly." "That is no fault of mine." +She had said so often before. I recollect all these apparently trivial, +these various feelings and circumstances, as well as if it were +yesterday, for she had made her mark on me. + +I had partly conquered, and saw my victory. "I like seeing you so," +said I, "but won't see you, or any other woman who won't let me see her +charms, and who is always in such a hurry,--it would be all very well if +I saw you for the first time--(why you have a new black silk dress on." +"Yes, I bought it with your money," said she),--"but for a regular friend +as I am, it is unsupportable." I conquered more, and subsequently, told +her that I might be in Regent Street one day, but I did not go there +(I had made no promise). She said she went out against her will to see +me,--could I write to say when she was to meet me? No,--but I could +write to the baudy house, and they would send on the letter. I called +there one morning, and left a letter. The Mistress was a shortish +sandy-haired woman about thirty years old, with a white face; she looked +very fixedly at me, and smiled. She would send on the letter to Miss +Sarah Mavis which I found was the name she went by; but Sarah never came +to my letter, and I paid for the room for nothing. Then I sent for the +Mistress; had a bottle of champagne with her, and she opened her heart +a little, she was soon a little screwed, and this was what she told me. +Her name was Hannah. + +She had not known Miss Mavis long,--only a month or so before she had +come in with me,--did not often see her now excepting with me. Mavis had +been asking if I had been seen in the house with any other woman, "and +of course I did not tell her," said Sandyhead. She thought her a nice +woman, and had struck up acquaintance with her. Now she often came +into the parlour to chat with her when I had left, or before she came +upstairs to me, when I was at the house before my appointed time. + +Things went on thus for a little time longer, Sarah doing much as she +liked, but certainly becoming more complaisant. She stopped longer, we +began to talk; I was of course curious about her, she about me, I dare +say she got much out of me, I but little out of her. What I mainly +learned was that she only came on the streets occasionally, and from +about eleven to one o'clock in the day,--never afterwards; and when she +had sufficient money to "go on with," as she said, she came not out at +all. "I hate it," said she, "hate you men,--you are all beasts,--you're +never satisfied unless you are pulling a woman about in all manner of +ways." "It pleases us," said I, "we admire you so." "Well it does not +please me,--I want them to do what they have to do, and let me go." "Why +don't you go out in the afternoon or evening?" "No, I get my money in +the morning, and have other things to do the rest of the day." + +She had not been gay long,--not more than a month before I had met +her,--was taken to the house in J... s Street by the first man who met +her in the streets, and had been there often since. No she never had +been gay before, she would swear, and often wished she were dead rather +than have to come out, and let men pull her about, and put their nasty +muck into her,--"nasty muck" was always the pleasant way in which she +spoke of a man's sperm. + +"One would think you never cared about a poke,--I wonder how often you +spend." "Oh! it's all the same to me whether I have it, or whether I +don't,--if I do it once a fortnight it's as much as I care about,--you +beasts of men seem to think of nothing else, and you leave us poor women +all the trouble that comes from putting your muck into us." "What the +devil do you care about?" said I after a chat with her one day, in which +she had just said what I have narrated. "Oh! I don't care about anything +much." + +Another day she said, "I like a nice dinner, and then a read in an +arm-chair, till I go to sleep, or a nice bit of supper, and to get into +bed,--I'm so tired of a night, I like to get to bed early if I can." We +went on talking about eating and drinking; she told me what she liked, +and what she disliked with much gusto and earnestness. "I'll give you +a good dinner", said I, "and we will come here afterwards." "Will you?" +"Yes,--but I won't unless I have you three hours here." "Impossible,--I +dare not be out after half-past ten." "Come early." "I can't come very +early, for I must be home in the afternoon." There were all sorts of +obstacles,--so many that I gave it up, not going to be humbugged. But +_she_ would not give it up, and it was arranged that if she might name +the evening, she would be with me at six o'clock, and stay with me till +ten,--an immense concession,--it was the dinner that did it. I saw she +was fond of her stomach, and that made me offer the dinner as a bait. + +She would not come in after me to the restaurant, I was to meet her at +the corner of St. Martin's lane in a cab, and go with her,--and so it +came off. We went to the Cafe de P..v...e in Leicester square, I had +already ordered a private room, and a nice dinner. My God how she +enjoyed it! "It's a long time since I've had such a good dinner", said +she, "but never mind, better times are coming again for me, I feel +sure." She ate largely, she drank well, and to my astonishment when I +got up to kiss her, she kissed me in return, and gave my piercer the +slightest possible pinch outside my trowsers. "Let's feel you," said I. +Equally astonished was I when she said, "Bolt the door, the waiter may +be in,"--and then I had a grope, and she felt my prick. "Let's go--let's +go,--I am dying for you." Off we went arm in arm. Directly we were well +away from the Cafe she let go my arm. "You go first, and I will follow." +I thought she was going to cheat me. "I dare not be seen walking arm in +arm with a man,--but I will follow." In five minutes we were in the room +together. Sarah Mavis was just in the slightest degree elevated, and +perhaps more than slightly lewd. + +To pull off my things, to help her off with hers partially was the work +of a minute. "I must piddle first,--champagne always makes me want to +piddle so." "Does it make you randy?" "Oh! Lord it does sometimes; but +it's such a time since I tasted it before tonight, I almost forget." +"Are you so now?" "Oh! I don't know,--come on the bed," said she. She +opened her thighs wide, she let me grope and smell, and kiss, and see. +"Come on,--do." Instinct told me she wanted it, I embraced her, and +was enjoying her, when she clasped me firmly, sought my mouth. "Oh! my +darling, I'm co---com--h--hing," said she spending as she cried out, and +fetched me at the same instant. It was the first time she had ever spent +with me. + +We laid in heavenly quietness, prick and cunt in holy junction, +distilling, slobbering, and bedewing each other's mouths and privates, +whilst the soft voluptuous pleasure was creeping through our limbs, +bodies, and senses. She was in no hurry to wash out the muck. "Oh! I'm +chocking," said she after a time, "get off." "I won't." "Oh! do,--my +stays choke me when I lie down after food,--I'm almost suffocated." I +held fast. "If I get off, you won't let me do it again." "Yes,--yes I +will." She jerked my prick out of her cunt, I got to the side of the +bed, she sat up, and was about to get off, when I stopped her, and +together we undid her stays, and took them off. "Let me wash now." "No +you shan't,--I've never yet fucked with my first sperm in you,--let me +now, there is a darling." She laughed, and fell back; then for a few +minutes we kissed and toyed. Her magnificent breasts were now free, I +buried my face between them, and kissed them rapturously; her moistened +quim I felt, and it drove me wild with desire; so gluing my mouth to +hers I mounted her, and we were soon in Elysium again, Sarah enjoying +her fuck in a way I thought from her cold-blooded manner previously +she was quite incapable of,--and there we laid, nestling cock and cunt +together, till a slight sleep or doze overtook both of us. + +In a minute or two Sarah sprang up, and rushed to the basin. I lay +still, contemplating her, and saying I would not wash my prick for a +week, so that I might retain in the roots and its moistened fringe our +mixed juices, the remnants of our first spend together. When she had +washed she laid down by the side of me. "Let's have a nap," said she. +The wine seemed to be getting into her head more and more, though she +was but in the slightest degree fuddled. + +I could not sleep. The sight of her breasts relieved from her stays, the +free manner in which she let her petticoats lay half up her thighs, the +delight at finding her take pleasure in my embraces, exulted me beyond +measure. I joked and tickled her. "Let's see you naked." "You shan't." +"Well stand up, and let me see your limbs naked,--take off your +petticoats, even if you keep your chemise on." She was yielding, took +petticoats off, but would do no more. I had seen more than any other +man, and she would do no more, she said. The wine had evaporated, and +she was herself again, quiet, composed. + +Maddened with desire. "I'll give you a sovereign," I said, "to take +the chemise off." "Will you!" "Yes." "No I won't." "I'll give you two." +"What can you want to see more for?" "Hang it, take the money, and +let me, or I'll rip it off without paying." I closed with her, and +struggled, pulled the chemise up above her haunches, pulled it down +below her breasts, tore it. "Now don't,--I won't have it," said she +getting angry, "it won't please you if I do,--you will not like to see +me half as well afterwards, I tell you." "Yes I shall,--here is the +money,--now let me see you naked, I'll give you three sovereigns." + +She pushed me away, and sat down. "Where is the money?" said she. I +gave it her. "I've got an ugly scar,--I don't like it seen." "Never +mind,--show it." Slowly she dropped the chemise, and stood in all her +naked beauty, and pointing to a scar just below her breasts, and about +four inches above her navel, "There," said she, "is it not ugly?--does +it not spoil me!--how I hate it!" + +I told her no,--that she was so beautiful, that it mattered not. Yet +ugly it was. A seam looking like a piece of parchment which had been +held close to a fire and crinkled, and then glazed, star-shaped, white, +and as big as a large egg lay between her breasts and her navel. It was +the only defect on one of the most perfect and beautiful forms that God +ever had created. + +"There," said she covering it up, "you won't want me naked again,--now +I dare say you don't like me as much." Yes I did. "Do you?" "Yes." She +came and kissed me. I often had her as naked as she was born afterwards. + +"What is the time?" "Ten o'clock." "I must go." "Another poke." "Make +haste then." We had it. "Oh! now don't keep me,--if I'm not home by +half-past ten I shall be half murdered." She had let expressions like +that drop more than once; but I got no explanation excepting that she +lived with her father and mother,--and at that time I believed it. + +At the next meeting she had her old quiet manner, her old "keep your +distance" was attempted; but it was impossible. A woman must always +give again what she has once given, she cannot help it. Then came more +dinners, but she was more cautious now in what she ate and drank, less +reckless in her embraces of me; but we were closer acquaintances than +we had been; she let me pull her about more freely and as a matter of +course, washed her quim without hiding herself for that operation, and +so on,--yet still she held me at a great distance, and was reserved. She +conquered me, in a degree. + +In fact she did pretty well what she liked with me; saw me when she +liked, stopped with me as long as she thought proper, let me fuck her +just as often as she liked, and no more (and it was rarely she let me +do that more than once a day), see to her knees, or to her cunt, or pull +her about just in the degree she for the time thought fit to permit. I +grumbled, said I would see more complaisant women. "Well I might if I +liked,"--but I did not. Her indifference to sexual pleasure chilled and +annoyed me and for a reason I never could understand, her cunt never +seemed quite to fit me, nor fetch me with the voluptuousness that scores +of other women have done. Yet I saw her almost exclusively for three +years, and when she gave herself up to pleasure with me, my delight was +unbounded; when she let me have her with her cunt unwashed after our +first copulation, I thought of it for days afterwards. Altogether +she had her way with me in a manner I did not see, and have only +comprehended since. + +This went on for some months. Whether she had other male friends or not +I don't know, but I never found her in Regent Street or other places +where I had once been able to find her, after I began to see her +regularly, and have reason to think that she ceased casuals after she +had me, and perchance another, that is all. Hannah said often at a +future day that I was her only friend. + +I have not yet described her. She was of perfect height for a woman, say +five feet seven, her form from her chin to her toe-nails was faultless, +if anything inclining to too much flesh, and to too great a backside; +but then I liked flesh, and a woman's bum could not be too big for me. I +used to rub my lips and cheeks over her bum for a quarter of an hour at +a time, when she condescended to turn it upwards for so long a time for +that worship. Handsome her face certainly was, but it was of a somewhat +heavy character: her eyes were dark, soft, and vague in expression which +together with the habit of leaving her lips slightly open, gave her a +thoughtful, and at times half-vacant look. Her nose was charming and +_retrousse_, her mouth small, with full lips, and a delicious set of +very small white teeth, her hair was nearly black, long, thick, and +coarsish dark hair in large quantity was in her armpits, and showed +slightly when her arms were down, her arms and breasts were superb. Her +cunt was thick-lipped, and with largish inner lips which showed well +in nearly the whole length of the split; her mons was very plump, +and covered well, but not widely with crisp black hair. She looked +twenty-six, yet was not more than twenty-two, and she looked most +handsome when lying asleep. + +If I were asked the most perfect thing about her, I should say her feet +and legs up to her notch--they were simply perfect; I have seen them as +handsome in smaller women, never in one of her height. I must add that +her cunt was large both outside and inside, and that she was not a +voluptuous poke to me, but why I can only guess at now; I did not know +it whilst I was acquainted with her. + +"A little of that satisfies me," she would say of poking, "once a +week,--once a fortnight, excepting at times,--you men are beasts, all of +you." She at first refused my mouth, never moved her bum, and laid like +a log. "Here I am,--do what you like,--do it, and get it over,--or +leave it," was her common mode of meeting my grumbling. Her first sexual +pleasure with me was I believe the night she dined with me; afterwards +she took pleasure with me more frequently, but un-cunting me, and +rushing out of bed to wash the instant I had spent, before I had indeed +done spending; until a sudden change in her took place which I shall +tell of, and then she was kinder, more lustful, or perhaps I might +say more loving, and more reckless; letting me enjoy her after my own +fashion, and abandoning herself to enjoyment as much as it was perhaps +in her nature to do so. + +I found that she often now was with the keeper of the house, or rather +she who represented her,--Hannah. So I got acquainted more closely with +Hannah, would go into her parlour, and talk with her before Sarah came. +This began one day when I was awaiting Sarah by her asking me if I +would cast up a column of figures, nearly the whole of which was in five +shillings and seven and sixes. I did it once, then I did it a second +time. Going in one day just afterwards she stepped out from her parlour, +and thanked me. I stepped into the parlour, and got into the custom +of doing so,--if ladies were not in there,--but there was a good +introduction business done, as will be seen, and oftentimes ladies were +waiting there till their swains arrived. + +One day she cooked a luncheon for me, once a breakfast, the latter was +during the time I had quarrelled with Sarah, and took another woman to +sleep with me there. I complimented her on her cooking, she was half +groggy (as she often was), and was very talkative. "Lord," said she, +"you have tasted my dinners many a times." "Nonsense." "Yes you have." + +"Where?" "Do you recollect a ball at------, where all the servants were +allowed to look at the table before supper, and your coming down with +Mr.------, and we all scuffling back?" "Perfectly." "Well I cooked that +supper." Then it turned out that she had been cook at a house where +I was a constant visitor, she had recognized me at once, but did not +recollect my name, or so she said,--indeed it was not probable that she +knew it. She had been caught with a soldier in the house, and had been +kicked out. + +Now by chance of fortune she was keeper of a baudy house, and her +soldier visited her there when in London,--he was a Guardsman,--and she +supplied him with money, and lots he had, for she robbed her Mistress +wholesale of the baudy house profits. + +Hannah had two sisters; one a married woman with a bad husband, and +several children. She often came and assisted at J.... s Street, +sometimes acting as chambermaid,--and about two years after this period +of my history, a second one appeared who had been a housemaid, and who +had I suppose also lost her character. A pretty blue-eyed girl about +twenty years old with a cast in her eye, and a lovely leg up to within +a few inches of her cunt. I never saw higher, and shall have more to +say about her hereafter. Her name was, Susan--a sailor was said to be in +love with her. + +Sarah at the end of some months asked me to give her five pounds, and +soon afterwards ten pounds. She was going to make up a sum of money to +buy a business for her father. She had been dressing very shabbily I +noticed, and said she knew I did not mind that, and it was all because +she was trying to save money,--to quit that life she hoped,--and I +believed it. I could not get her for several days, yet could have sworn +I had heard her voice one day in loud altercation with a man in the +parlour when I was waiting for her upstairs. I rang and asked for her; +the servant came, and asserted that Miss Mavis was not there, and +I never saw her that night. Next day I made an appointment (through +Hannah) for eleven a.m., and waited a long time before she came up. She +looked ill. "You've been crying." "I have not." "Yes you have,--your +eyes are red,--aye, and wet now." She asserted she had not, and then +burst out sobbing saying she was unwell. I was distressed, and sent for +wine, Hannah came up and comforted her (I saw Hannah knew all about it). +Then we were left to ourselves. "I've never been abed all night," said +Sarah. "Come to bed now." To my extreme astonishment _into_ bed she +came, after looking at me in a very earnest manner. + +I had often asked her before, and she never would; saying she never +had been in bed but with one man, and never meant. I was enraptured, +stripped to my skin, and was soon pressing every part of her body to +mine. She gave herself up to me entirely, her tongue met mine as we +spent. "Don't throw me out now dear." "Very well." Oh! miracle, I +thought, and there we lay, prick and cunt soaking together, till we had +another fuck, then she dozed off in my arms, and I soon afterwards. We +slept more than two hours, then my fingers sought her cunt directly; +and awakened her. I told her the time, she sighed saying, "It's no +matter,--it serves them right." It was a day of miracles, Hannah sent up +food, we ate it in bed, we fucked again and again. I was delighted with +the spunk we left on the sheets; then we dined at the Cafe, and went +back to the baudy house,--more fucking, no cunt-washing, all was free +baudy, abandonment. + +Hannah came up to us about the time Sarah usually left me, and told her +it was time to go. Sarah said she did not care a damn, Hannah begged +her to go,--she would go home with her. She agreed to go, kissed me, and +said I was a kind fellow. I waited outside, and tried to dodge her home; +but was unsuccessful; the two discovered me, stopped, and upbraided me, +and came back to the baudy house. Then she made me promise not to follow +her, and went out to piddle as she said. Hannah followed, I waited five +minutes for them, and then called to the servant. She came in with a +demure face, and said "Lor sir they have both gone out five minutes +ago." + +For weeks after that Sarah was changed, and with the exception of not +stripping entirely did as freely as I wished, she did everything I +wanted, but sleep with me all night; she kept out later, but away +at night she went; she embraced me, enjoyed her fucking, and in fact +treated me like a husband. Then she said one day, "I'm some months gone +in the family way." "Who's the dad?" "You perhaps." "No I'm not,--it's +some man you are fond of, not me." "I am fond of no man," said she. Then +she was ill, and away for three weeks, she had had a miscarriage. I was +in despair, and sent her money all the time of her illness, but could +learn nothing from Hannah, excepting that Sarah was a dear good woman, +and too good for him. That was said before the sister, who cried out, +"You shut up Hannah." So I came to the conclusion there was some other +man in the way. + +Another day I pumped Hannah, but she was an old bird, and not easily +caught. "She is fond of a man," I said. "She is not a fond sort,--if she +is fond of any man at all it's you,--but she has got her duty to do." +"What's that?" "Ask her,--I don't know her business. Now you get out, +there are some ladies coming here directly, and Miss Mavis won't like +your being here with them." "I'm not her property." "Pretty nearly you +are,--at all events go, there is a good gentleman. Whilst Sarah was away +I did get acquainted with three or four ladies, and two of them I had. +Sarah had then either gone abroad or I had had a desperate quarrel with +her. + +When Sarah met me again she was still miserably ill, and thanked me for +my kindness warmly. We resumed our meetings, and again she was cautious, +but no longer bounced me. She spent with me, enjoyed me, but entreated +me. "Oh! let me wash out the muck,--now do pull it out,--I am so +frightened of being ill again." So I let her have her way. She refused +to say anything about her illness, excepting that it was I who had +caused it; but I did not believe her. She usually now gave way to +pleasure with me; at the end of the month I gave her twenty pounds to +make up a sum, then she got still more exacting about money. "Oh! I do +stop a long time with you,--give me more money,--do,--I want to make +up a sum," etc., etc.,--and then of course came a lie. At length she said +one bright sunny morning it was, I had poked her, and was laying on the +sofa afterwards, she sitting on the easy-chair, her lovely breasts +out, one beautiful leg over the other showing slightly the flesh of her +thighs, "You won't see much more of me,--we are going abroad." + +I started as if I had been shot at. "You?--nonsense,--never." "I am +indeed,--I'm sick of this life, and will go anywhere, do anything to get +out of it." + +I sank back on the sofa sobbing, it came home to me all at once that +I was madly in love with her. I was dazed with my own discovery,--I in +love with a gay woman! one whose cunt might have had a thousand pricks +up it! who might have sprung from any dung-hill!--impossible! I felt mad +with myself,--degraded!--impossible,--it could not be,--and for a time +I conquered myself. I tried then to draw her out about herself. It +was useless. Her quiet way of asserting that she _was_ going at length +brought home the conviction that she spoke the truth. Then I laid and +sobbed on the sofa for half-an-hour. "Oh! you will soon get another +friend," said she. "No, no,--I can get a woman, but not one I shall +like,--Sarah my darling, Sarah I love you,--I dote on you,--oh! for +God's sake don't leave,--come with me,--you shan't lead this life,--we +will go abroad together." + +"That is impossible,--if I did you would leave me, and then what should +I do?--come back to this life,--no." "You are going with somebody +else,--who?" "I can't say,--I'll tell you when I am gone." "When are you +going?" "Perhaps in a fortnight, perhaps a little later on." + +I calmed for a time, a fortnight might give me a chance of persuading +her, and I began it at once; but it was all, "No,--no,--no,--it's all +for the best for both of us,"--and again I fell into deep despair, my +heart felt breaking, I had been so happy with this woman for months, she +had so filled my thoughts, so occupied my spare time, that I had half +forgotten my home life. Now I felt alone again, I had told her some +of my troubles,--not all,--now I poured them all out, and offered +everything,--all I had,--to go that next day abroad, and never return; +that I would make her love me though she did not now, I promised all men +could promise,--and meant it. + +"No,--no,--impossible,"--and again I fell back on the sofa sobbing like +an infant, I have almost the deadly heart-ache now as I write this. She +sat looking at me for some time, then she arose, stooped over me, and +kissed me. I turned round, and--how strange that in my despair I noticed +it, and now recollect noticing it!--as she stooped her chemise opened, +and as I put my arm round her, her breasts touched my face, and as I +moved to kiss them I saw her whole lovely form down to her feet, the +dark hair of her motte, the bright white scar; and all in the soft +subdued light which is on a woman's body when enveloped in a thin +chemise,--and my prick stood whilst kissing her and sobbing, and she +was soothing me. + +"It's of no use your loving me," she said, "and it's of no use my loving +you,--don't take on so,--perhaps when I am gone you will be happier at +home,--I can't love you, although I like you very much, for you have +been a good, kind man to me,--I nearly do love you I think,--if I were +with you I'm sure I should,--but it's of no use, for I am a married +woman, and have two children, and am going with them and my husband." + +I was amazed, and doubted it. "I'll bring you my children to see," said +she, "it was to get them their dinners and tea that I always left you +at times as I have." "And at night?" "I always go home before he comes +home." "You always go home to your husband?" "Yes." + +How I loathed that man!--my loathing rose to my lips. "That miserable +contemptible cur lives by your body,--a dirty vagabond." "No he's +not,--poor fellow, he would earn our living if he could, but he can't." +"I don't believe it,--a man who lives by a woman is barely a man,--I +would empty cesspools to keep a woman I loved, rather than another man +should stroke her,--no good can come of it,--he'll leave you for some +other woman some day." Sarah turned nasty, said she was sorry she had +told me so much, that all I said against him only made her like him the +more; and so leaving me in sorrow she went away. + +Now that I felt sure she was going away, I could not see too much of +her; morning, noon, and night I had her. She brought her two children to +me, and very proud she was of them. How it was I never noticed the marks +of childbirth on her before I know not, but I never had. I spoke of +that now. "I took good care you should not," said she smiling, and I +recollected that when I had her by the side of the bed, when I looked at +her on the sofa, it was nearly always with her back to the light; when +laying on the bed, and I tried to gratify my passion by opening her +thighs, and gazing on her hidden charms, she nearly always half-turned +towards the window, and her belly was in shadow. "I don't like to be +pulled about,--I won't have it,--if you want me have me, and have done +with it,--get another woman if you like who will do it, or allow it,--I +won't." These and similar answers always settled me, and I submitted, +for I was under her domination, and in my folly I had actually feared +that if I persisted, she would not come to see me. + +She brought her children in the morning to me at J...s Street, and I +had her that afternoon. Now she was free enough, pointed herself to the +marks of childbirth (very slight they were), and voluptuously held +her cunt-lips open,--she had never done so before. From that day and +afterwards she allowed me to see her in every way or manner, if not +to let me do what I wished. The mystery was over, I knew most if not +all,--certainly all about her person. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + + Poses plastiques.--Sarah departs.--My despair.--Hannah's + comfort.--Foolscap and masturbation.--Cheap cunt.--A + Mulatto.--The baudy house accounts.--Concerning Sarah.--The + parlour.--The gay ladies there.--My virtue.--Louisa Fisher.-- + A show of legs.--The consequence on me.--Effect on Mrs. X..i. + + +I dined with Sarah repeatedly until her departure, she was now often in +low spirits, and drank very freely of champagne; then would fuck with +a passion and energy which did not seem natural to her, for by look and +general manner one would have sworn she was even tempered, and without +much passion,--had I not found that out by experience? One night soon +after she had brought her children to me, she seemed wild with lust. +What was the matter with me I don't know, but I had no desire for her, +and could scarcely stiffen for the embrace; yet she was in ecstacies +with me as I fucked her. "Do it again," said she. "I can't." "You must +do it,--I've not washed." "I can't." "Yes,--yes.--I'm mad for you," +said she,--and we kept on fucking till early the next morning. "I am in +the family way again I think," said she as she left, "and if so will +jump over Westminster Bridge." But she was not, and after that night she +persuaded me not to spend in her, but to withdraw just as my emission +took place. "It will spoil all my plans if I am in the family way," said +she, "all I have done will be of no use if I cannot act." "Act?" "Yes, I +am an actress." "Does not your husband spend in you?" "No one has spent +in me but you, since my miscarriage,--I won't let him, and he doesn't +want me in the family way." + +"You an actress!" "Yes,--have you never seen me?" "No." "Are you sure?" +"Yes." "Did you ever see the Poses plastiques and Madame W...t.n?" "Yes, +two or three years ago." "Well I was one of her troupe." "God God!--and +what do you do now?" "Nothing,--but we have a troupe going on the +Continent,--I am the principal--I am Madame W...t.n now." + +Then she told me she had in her youth been a model for artists, had sat +to Etty and Frost, hers was the form which had been painted in many of +their pictures,--and then she would say no more. + +I grew sadder and sadder as the time came for her departure; so did she. +She said I worried and unsettled her; she wondered sometimes if she +were doing the best thing for herself and children or not. She was so +frightened lest she should get in the family way, that as already said +she made me withdraw before the critical moment, spending my sperm on +her thighs or on the crisp hair of her motte. I got an idea into my head +(a stupid one enough), that if she were to get in the family way by me +she would stay in London; and one night after we had dined, and she had +had pleasure in my groping, and as usual had said, "Now don't do it in +me," I plunged my prick up, and spent a full stream in her cunt. "I hope +to God that sperm's all up your womb," said I. Her own pleasure had so +overcome her, that she could not move for a minute; then jumping up she +washed herself with a sponge,--she recently had used one. I never had a +spend in her again for months afterwards. + +Then for hours I used to look her over and over from head to foot, as if +I wished to recollect every part of her person for ever afterwards: the +roots of her hair, the ears, the way the hair grew on the nape of her +neck; the way it grew on her cunt, and in her arm-pits, and every other +part I used to look over as if searching for something; the only part of +her which escaped my investigations was the bum-furrow, which was to me +an uncomfortable part in all women, and in my wildest sexual ecstacies +and aberrations I neither felt it nor saw it, and don't know whether the +hole was round or square; red or brown. + +After she had told me she had sat as a model, she brought me a small +oil-painting of herself made by an artist of some rank. She was proud of +it, and so was her husband. I offered such a price for it, that placed +as she was she could not resist, and I bought it. She gave me one day a +photograph of herself; both had the characteristic opening of the lips +well shown. It is only recently that I have destroyed these mementos of +a dead affection. + +When I saw that nothing would keep her in England I did my best to +help her enterprise, gave her money freely, paid for dresses, boots, +travelling cloaks, children's dresses, and in brief for everything. +During the nine months I had known her she in fact ran me dry, and in +debt. I spent upon her more than I could have lived on for four years +at the rate I lived at just before I met her. But I was now in better +circumstances than I had been for years, and the money was my own. + +As the time approached, I could neither sleep nor eat, and used to be +at J... s Street hours before I knew she could come; would wait any +time for her, treating Hannah and the ladies, and doing nothing but talk +about Sarah. Sometimes I used to think about following her abroad. When +she came to the house, I used to spend my time in crying, and she after +telling me not to be foolish, would cry too. Then, "Oh! let me see you +naked." "There then." Then came kisses all over her body. "Oh! now for +God's sake don't spend in me." Then came a delicious fuck; then crying +and moaning recommenced. She left a week at least before she had said +she should, and did so to prevent me the pain of parting with her,--I +must give her that credit. Hannah told me so. + +I had arranged to see her one morning, and was as usual there before +my time. Hannah stepped out from the parlour. "Has Sarah come?" She +beckoned me into the parlour. "Why they all sailed this morning,--my +sister went to see them off,--did you not know?" I staggered to the +sofa dizzy, speechless, then senseless. When I came to myself Hannah was +standing besides me with brandy and water and a spoon with which she was +putting it into my mouth. + +"Don't take on so," said she, "don't think any more about Sarah,--she is +a fine woman, but there are lots as good,--I know a dozen, and any one +would be glad to know a man like you,--have some brandy and water,"--and +she took a great gulp herself. "There now," said she bending over me. +"would you like to see Mrs.------, she who met you the other night in +here with Sarah,--she has taken quite a fancy to you,--don't cry. Sarah +will come back, and if she don't you'll get another woman whom you will +like as well. There is Mrs.------, a splendid shaped woman who only sees +one gentleman here,--she took quite a fancy to you, though she only saw +you once." But I was desperate, and rushed out of the house. Where I +went to, I don't even recollect, but went home at last very drunk,--an +extraordinary occurence for me. + +For some days I was prostrate in mind, and almost in body, but at length +recovered sufficiently to attend a little to my affairs which had gone +altogether to the bad for a month, and had been going bad for many +months. I resolutely set myself against going to J... s Street, and +would not have women; indeed scarcely knew where to lay my hand on +a shilling, so necessity had perhaps as much to do with my virtue as +anything else; but I was generally in a weak, low state of health, and +really believe, though it seems to me almost incredible now, that it was +well nigh three weeks before I touched or saw a cunt after Sarah left. + +Then one Sunday I had erections all day long. After dinner lust drove me +nearly mad; so I went to my room, took a clean sheet of white paper, +and frigged myself over it. My prick only slightly subsided, I frigged +again, and then as the paper lay before me covered with sperm-pools I +cried, because it was not up my dear Sarah's vagina, laid my head on +the table where the paper lay, and sobbed with despair, jealousy, and +regrets, for I thought some one would fuck her if I did not, that it +would be her hateful husband whom she had helped to keep with my money. + +I may say here that on several occasions of my life I have frigged +myself over a clean sheet of foolscap paper; it was mostly done for +curiosity, to see what my sperm was like, whether it was as thin, or +as thick, or as large in quantity as at the last time I previously had +masturbated. + +I could not after that Sunday keep away from J...s Street, and went +there the next day. "I don't expect she'll write to you," said Hannah, +"even if she said she would,--what will be the use?--it will only make +you miserable." But I felt sure she would, and kept away from women +still for some time after that,--I was stumped for money among other +reasons. Then I began to spend involuntarily in the night, which to me +was more hateful than frigging myself; so one night I went out for a bit +of cheap quim. Whether I saw Brighton Bessie or not I can't say, but I +think I did, and did later on. + +I went first into the streets near a large well-known tavern at a +spot where several big thoroughfares meet, and where there is a large +traffic, and picked up my cheap women there. But the women, their +chemises and petticoats, and their rooms shocked me more than they used, +and kept me chaster than I otherwise might have been. + +One night I went home with a tall straight woman who would not take my +fee. "No," said she, "I've got two nice little rooms of my own." If you +get a woman for five shillings you have to pay for the room besides, and +ten shillings is only a small sum; so I went with her for ten shillings, +and saw her at intervals for a few months. + +She was about five feet nine high, was not stout, was as straight as a +lath, yet not thin, had very firm but quite small breasts, and a +biggish bum. She had Mulatto blood in her veins she told me, and was +brown-skinned, had a large mouth and _very_ thick lips, the Negro blood +showed there plainly; her hair was dark, and so were her eyes; her cunt +was a pouter: it was small, but the lips pouted out more thickly I think +than those of any woman I ever yet saw, yet they were not flabby, but +protruded largely like two halves of a sausage; the hair was black, +short, and intensely crisp and curly; it felt like curled horse-hair. +I used to think her a plain woman, one of the plainest, but she was a +glorious fuckster; her cunt was tight inside, and yet so elastic as not +to hurt or pinch (and I was at that time when just at spunking point as +often said before tender-pricked). The hair of her head was coarse yet +straight, her large mouth was filled with teeth of a splendid whiteness, +and when she smiled she showed the whole set. It was seeing her large +white teeth that first attracted me before I could distinguish any other +feature of her face; you could see them at night right across a road, +they were dazzling, and almost made one forget the great thick-lipped +orifice which opened to expose them. I have before told of women who +attracted me by their teeth, and particularly of a Creole. + +This _Mulatto_ as I called her, amused me with her letcherous postures; +she was as lithe as a willow branch, and was willing to please. I was +fond of making her kneel on the bed with bum towards me, and her legs +nearly close together, and then the backward pout of her cunt was +charming to me, so much so that I took to poking her dog-fashion. + +One night when I was full of sperm I made her remain in the exact +posture until all my spunk had run out of her cunt, and sat holding a +candle towards her rump till I was satisfied with the sight; and more +than once I kept her in that position, looking at the gruelly lips until +I fucked her a second time. + +She had such a very remarkable steady walk that she scarcely seemed to +move, she glided; her feet were so nicely carried forward, and her body +so evenly balanced from her hips. In this respect she resembled a tall +dark woman named Fletcher, whom I knew quite recently. There must have +been something in the arrangement of their thighs and hips which caused +this. Women who are accustomed to carry heavy loads on their heads +always walk straight, and never roll from side to side as most people +more or less do; but I don't know that either of the women named had +carried baskets on their heads,--I knew the walk of that class of women, +having been born in the neighbourhood where they worked. + +She I imagine had a liking for my doing it naked with her, for she +was always suggesting that we should strip; but she could not bear my +fucking her dog-fashion. When I stripped and got into her on her belly, +she would twist her legs right into mine in quite a snaky fashion, +and sometimes lift her legs up till her heels were almost up to my +blade-bones. She also like a few others I have poked seemed to have +the power of holding my prick in her cunt quite tightly after I had +spent,--perhaps because she had not spent herself, for about her +pleasures in the copulation I am not sure, though she always impressed +me as being a hot-cunted one. + +After I had once been to J... s Street again I went more and more +frequently. Hannah was always nearly screwed,--champagne or brandy +pleased her best. + +When she was so, she would at times gradually let out much that she +knew,--and this is what she let out one day. + +"Bah! her husband indeed!--she is not married,--he's got a wife besides, +and Sarah knows it,--he's blackened his wife's eyes more than once when +she has been annoying them; but that don't pay, for she is his lawful +wife; so he allows her something, and it keeps her quiet, and she won't +last long, for she is drunk from daybreak till night. Sarah's a real +good one to keep the lazy beggar,--she keeps them all poor thing, ever +since he could not get any engagement; there's she, and their children, +and her sister, who lives with them, and then there is her old mother +who she keeps, and his wife as well,--she has enough to do poor thing." +This came out one day after Hannah had dined; I had brought her a bottle +of specially fine brandy, and we were sitting in the parlour drinking it +together mixed with water. + +I had long been getting into Hannah's good graces. I stood wine and +brandy, was always respectful to her and the gay ladies I met in her +parlour, and never used coarse, rude language to them, nor in speaking +of them or of ladies of their class. Hannah told me I was a great +favorite with several of them, as indeed I found to be the case. I may +say that all my life I never spoke disrespectfully to, or of gay ladies, +so long as they behaved themselves; they have been mostly throughout my +life, kind and true to me after their fashion, they gave me pleasure, +and I treated them as if I was grateful for it. + +But I was moreover serviceable to Hannah. Once or twice as told she had +brought me some figures to cast up, and when Sarah had left, she brought +me others on various little scraps of paper. She asked me never to +mention my having done so to her sister, and I did not. I became curious +at finding the items were all in five shillings, seven and sixpence, ten +and twenty shillings; at last it struck me what it was, and taxing her +with it found it was the takings of the baudy house, she told me so with +a laugh. She could not write herself. + +The takings were put on slips of paper by the servants, and by some +process of her own which she could not explain, she got a rough sort of +check on the servants to prevent them robbing her. She had to account to +the real owner of the house,--and how she did it she alone knows. This +is certain (she once admitted it), that from the takings she put a pound +a day into her own pocket. Whether she robbed the owner to that extent, +or whether it was her admitted share I never knew. She was well dressed, +had excellent food, allowed her Guardsman money, her sister's husband +money, and others too I rather think. But after she'd taken her three or +four hundred pounds a year, there was a splendid income handed over to +some one. This house had but eight rooms, and two more closets to let +out for fucking; they often took twenty pounds a day, and sometimes much +more. + +I did this arithmetic pretty regularly, and she became my fast friend. +She told me all about Sarah that she knew (what Sarah at a future day +told me agreed with it), and much about the habits of other loose ladies +which will be partially narrated in due time, and a good deal about +baudy house management. + +And now more about Sarah's antecedents. A new species of entertainment +had sprung into existence a few years before this time, called "Poses +plastiques," in which men and women covered with silk fitting tightly to +their naked limbs and made quite white, placed themselves on stages in +classical groups to the sound of music. Women and men of great physical +beauty formed these groups, they were in fact actors of that class. +Madame W...t.n known as a splendid model first got them up; her husband +was a splendid man, Sarah was her niece, and also had a beautiful form +which ran in the family; she was poor, and Madame W...t.n took her to +live with them, and at seventeen years of age she appeared as Venus. + +At nineteen she had a child by Madame W...t.n's husband, at twenty a +second. Madame found out the father, and kicked Sarah out. Mr. W...t.n +then kicked Madame out, and went to live with Sarah, rows ensued, other +companies of "Poses plastiques" came into competition, the thing got +overdone, he could not get his living; he knew a trade, but was I expect +too lazy to work at it; so Sarah took to letting herself out as model, +and that being poor pay, to letting out her cunt to get their bread; she +had just began it when I first met her. They seem during a year or more +to have parted with all their goods, before she took to showing her +belly-parting for money. + +So beautiful a form of course succeeded, and for a time I became the +principal milk-cow. Then a proposition was made to form a troupe to go +to the Continent; there seemed to be a grand opening, and with Sarah's +money (most of it got from me), the apparatus, costumes properties, and +troupe were got together. + +Off they had gone. She and her husband were the exhibition-managers, +speculators, and chief actors. + +Hannah made a mouth when I asked what sort of a man Mavis was. She +did not think much of him,--why did he not work--he had a trade?--no, +because he was no longer able to get on as an actor, he preferred to let +Sarah get the living for the whole of them. "Ah! you'll see her back, +mark my words,--they won't succeed,--and then what will take place? +--you'll see,--is she poor thing to work and do everything, that he may +lay a bed, dress as a gentleman, and do nothing but take her out for a +walk on a Sunday; she is as proud of his taking her out for a walk on a +Sunday as if he kept her a carriage." After much reflexion I came to the +conclusion that Sarah had only just turned harlot about the time I had +first met her that she did it to keep her man and her family, and he got +accustomed to his woman getting his living for him. + +I kept on calling at J... s Street, always expecting to hear of Sarah. +Hannah was glad to see me, for now I cast up her accounts weekly. I got +acquainted with two or three ladies there who came at intervals to meet +their friends. They were very nice women, none were ever to be seen in +the streets, they had either their own acquaintances whom they met at +J... s Street, or Hannah had introduced them to gentlemen there. They +were not a bit like whores in dress, appearance or manner, and my +acquaintance with them opened my mind to the fact, that there is a large +amount of occult fucking going on with needy, middle-class women, whose +mode of living and dressing, is a mystery to their friends, and who +mingle with their own class of society without its being suspected; +that their cunts are ever wetted by sperm which lawfully may not be put +there. + +I began to stand wine when I met them, and was introduced as a friend of +Miss Mavis who had gone abroad. I was I found well known by name and +a character for kindness, and I expect also for being a fool. All the +women were shy at first, Hannah's sister (the servant) I overheard +telling Hannah that the ladies did not like my being in the parlour. +Hannah at times would ask me to leave, as a lady wanted to come into the +parlour and wait there, and so on. But gradually Hannah would say, "Who +is it?--oh! she knows him,"--or "Oh! she won't mind,--let her come in." +So by degrees I became intimate with these privately gay ladies, and +several of them on more than one occasion joined their sweet bodies to +mine in the game of under and over. + +I had never had a woman in the house since Sarah had gone; firstly +because I did not then pay more for the girls than I did for the room +alone at J... s Street, and because, I feared if Sarah came back Hannah +would tell her,--as if it would have mattered to Sarah in any way +excepting that another woman would get the money she might have had. +Still I had that stupid idea about the matter, and although I had +longed for one or two of the other ladies, and although they had looked +languishingly at me. I never had then proposed a private interview +upstairs. + +One day Hannah said she had heard from Sarah who had asked after me. +"They are (Sarah and the troupe) getting on well," said Hannah, "if she +says so I suppose they are,--but we shall see." Suddenly, "Have you had +another woman since she left?" The question startled me. "No." "Oh! +I don't believe it,--if you haven't you're a nasty man." Then I +confessed, and told her what I had done. "Why don't you have Mrs. +Fisher?" said she. "I'm poor, and can't,--I'm not going to do what I did +with Sarah." "Lord she won't mind,--she'd like you I know,--but don't +say I said so,--she's got a lovely leg,--she's a fine woman,--nearly as +fine made as Sarah Mavis, and she is taller,--she never gets it done at +home." Hannah was unusually muddled with liquor that day, and let out; +her sister was not there to check her with, "Now then Hannah you'd +better shut up,"--and Hannah described Mrs. Fisher's hidden charms till +my cock stood. + +I would pass hours sketching from recollection Sarah Mavis' limbs and +form, her bum and cunt being the most favorite subjects; then so randy +that I did not know what to do with myself, I would rush out into the +streets to prevent my frigging myself,--and erotic night-dreams were +frequent. + +"Why don't you see Mrs. X.. i," said Hannah to me, "she likes you, and +would come up any day if I wrote to her (I had supped two or three times +with that lady),--I would not fret about Sarah, although she is a fine +woman,--you let her see you have another woman, and she will come round +if she comes back." But I did not for a time. + +One afternoon however being in the parlour, Mrs. X.. i was there, a +splendid woman about twenty-six years old. Also there was a young woman +who had two children by a man with whom she was about to go abroad, and +she was a lovely woman. The two ladies had just had a two o'clock dinner +with Hannah, I had just come from my Club after luncheon, and sent for +champagne. All our talk got frisky,--all knew Sarah, my love. If I could +get any one to talk with me about her, I was delighted, and began at +it. Said the Mistress, "Well she is a splendid-formed woman +certainly,--splendid, but there are lots of others,--I've got a good +leg to my knee, so has Mrs. X.. i, and Mrs.------," (meaning the other +whose name I forget). + +"Show us your leg," said one. "There," said Hannah pulling up her +clothes, "now show yours." They all showed their limbs, one after +another. "You might fancy you had Sarah's legs round your thighs, if you +had Mrs. X...i's there," said Hannah. I was nigh bursting for a fuck. +Mrs. X...i pulled her clothes up higher, and stood up to show the leg +better; the other ladies did the same. I felt my pleasure coming, and +objecting to wet my shirt, began to unbutton. "Oh I can't bear it," I +cried, "oh! my God I'm coming,"--and the instant my prick was free from +my trowsers I spent copiously, the three women their petticoats still up +nearly to their cunts, looking and laughing. I had not frigged, it was +fullness, and the voluptuous delight at seeing the limbs of the three +fine women which fetched me. "There is lots of stuff in him," said one. +Ashamed of myself I begged their pardons, and sent for more wine. "He +had better have given one of you ladies that good spunk," said the +Mistress. I overcame my bash fulness, they laughed about what Sarah +Mavis had missed, one professed to feel annoyed at my behaviour. "Oh! +you are damned modest," said Hannah. + +Mrs. X...i soon afterwards went upstairs into the bed-room to a +gentleman she had come to meet. The Mistress said she should lay +down,--she always did after her dinner, and slept for two hours,--she +was fuddled, and indeed always was. The mother of the two children and +I were alone; from the instant I had spent she had never taken her +eyes off me,--never. I recollect the look of her dark eyes and their +expression quite well. Hannah snored almost directly. "Let us have +a kiss," said the lady to me, "I know you are fond of a well-formed +woman,"--and she pulled up her clothes a little. She was sitting on +the sofa, my prick rose, I bolted the door, and we fucked whilst the +Mistress kept snoring. + +Mrs. X... i came down. "What you here still?--what have you been doing?" +The mother replied, "He has been smoking, and talking about his dear +Sarah." The woman was actually sitting at that very moment with a flood +of my sperm up her cunt, for she had neither wiped, nor washed, nor +pissed since I had fucked her. Then they talked about X... i's friend who +was a clergyman. X... i was the wife of a man who lived with her, but +never had her (so she said); she hated him, he had clapped her once. + +The mother went out of the room, and came back, Hannah awoke, we had +tea, I paid, it was my rule then to pay for everything for the ladies +whenever I was in the baudy house parlour. I rose to go, shaking hands +with the two ladies. The one whom I had embraced put a bit of paper +privately into my hand. Outside the house I read it. "Wait outside," it +said. I had been delighted with her pleasure, and did so. She came out, +we walked quickly off. "You go to the top of the next street," said she, +"and I'll meet you,"--and she went another way, and met me at the top. +"I did that in case X... i came out," said she, "let us go and have +dinner together." "I have not enough money," said I. "Never mind, I +have." We went to the Cafe de P..v...e, and dined; I fucked her again +and again on a sofa. She was a charming woman. As we sat on a little +sofa dallying after dinner, she said she had not had it for a month, +her friend had gone to Germany, where they were going to live, to make +arrangements, he would return in a few days; then he, she, and the +children were going to Germany with him. "I liked you," said she, "but +when I saw what you did before us this afternoon, I could scarcely stop +myself, I wanted it so badly,--I dare say I'm in the family way,--oh! +don't look,--it's full,--it's dirty,--you shan't." The next instant I +was up her again; afterwards she washed, and I saw her cunt. I paid +for the dinner partly, she the rest,--I had not a sixpence left. "I'm +sorry," I said to her, "that I have no more money." "I did not come here +for money," said she. "Let me leave you half a dozen pair of gloves at +No. 11." "No, I've lots of gloves." "Then give me a kiss." She stood +putting her tongue in my mouth for a minute, then giving me a hearty +kiss off she went. I never saw her, nor had her again. Hannah told me +she was in Germany, and very happy there. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + + Louisa Fisher.--Chaffing.--Her form and fucking.--A supper + in bed.--A lascivious night.--Meetings afterwards.--Hannah's + legs.--Intruders in the bed-room.--Louisa's voluptuousness.-- + Enceinte.--Her husband.--Her gentleman friend.--About + herself.--Illness.--Mrs. A... y. + +I began to meet a Mrs. Fisher at the house very frequently; why she was +more frequently there I did not know, and knew it was but of little use +asking questions why. + +I rather liked this lady. She came usually at one o'clock, and had +dinner with Hannah. At three o'clock she went upstairs, was there about +two hours, then came down and went away. At times she waited, had tea, +and sometimes early supper; this was when she was expecting some one +who did not come. I was told confidentially by Hannah it was a rich +middle-aged clergyman. The ladies name was Mrs. Louisa Fisher,--her +christian name I have written truly, the surname is not. I do this lest +she be alive still, and should read somehow this result of my doings +with her at J...s Street; she can't mistake if she reads these pages who +it was. + +After what Hannah had told me I could not help taking a great deal of +notice of this lady, and began to lust for her, and of course took to +talking to her about Sarah. She was nothing loth, and asked me curious, +and at last down right indecent questions about her, but not in smutty +language. Hannah when there used to laugh at the questions and my +replies; they made my cock stand, which perhaps was what Louisa +intended, or it may only have been curiosity without any hidden +intention. + +I imagine that the erotic incident in the parlour had been told to a +good many gay ladies; it certainly had to Louisa Fisher, for one night +after that I had been to enquire if Hannah had heard again from Sarah, +and Hannah had mentioned Louisa, the following occurred. I had dined +early, it was about half-past six, Louisa Fisher was there. "Stand us +a glass of wine," said she. "Do," said Hannah. "Do," said another +lady. "Have you had dinner Mrs. Fisher?" said I. "No, my friend's not +been,--I'm hungry, and Hannah is just going to cook me a chop." I myself +fetched a bottle of sherry, the chop came, Louisa ate it, and drank +sherry; then I sent for brandy, we drank it mixed with water, and Hannah +took some neat. I had began about Sarah as I always did. "Well she was +a beautiful model," said Hannah, "but Mrs. X... i's leg was better to my +mind." "Look how he's blushing," said Louisa. "Why should I blush?" They +both laughed. "Oh! oh! oh! don't I know what you did when you saw her +legs." I was then that odd mixture of baudiness and modesty, that I was +just as likely to be bold as to be shame-faced, when a woman spoke to me +about anything carnal; and now was confused and half-ashamed. "Lord +how he's blushing," said Hannah, and she left the room to look after +business, she usually put her head out when the street-door opened, if a +servant was not in the way on the ground-floor. + +Louisa laughed. "I know all bout it," said she, "she was a fine woman." +After I had got over the stupid bashfulness which I had for the moment, +I went (as usual with me) to the extreme of baudy boldness. "Yes," said +I laughing, "I wish it had been spilt in her cunt, instead of on the +carpet." "Oh! for shame," said Louisa, "well it was waste, was it +not,--it might have made two people happy,--did you really spend without +frigging it?" "Yes I did." + +I got close to Louisa on the sofa to speak with her about the event, to +hear from her lips what had been told her. She said not a word, but my +face was close to hers, we looked into each other's eyes for a minute, +lust was on both. I put my arm round her, pulled her towards me, and +kissed her. She returned it, our lips were glued together. "You've got +a fine leg Hannah says." "Does she?" "Yes,--let me see it." "No." +"Yes." "You only care about Sarah." I made no reply, but went on kissing +letcherously, put one hand down, and going on kissing pulled her clothes +up to her knees. She stopped me there. "Oh! how round, how nice, +how lovely your leg is." "Now be quiet, Hannah will be in." I ceased +looking, but my hand slipped higher up, my fingers were inside the +satiny wet lips, and my mouth was glued to hers, as Hannah came back. + +We resumed a decent posture. Hannah laughed, "Lord why don't you two +go upstairs?" said she, "you want each other,--why don't you go?--the +first-floor front's empty." "Come," said I to Louisa pulling her. She +rose instantly. Hannah was a really good soul, she liked to make people +happy, and to set them fucking; I have seen it in a dozen instances. + +Without another word we went upstairs, I threw her on the bedside, +pulled up her clothes, and opened a magnificent pair of thighs. "Let's +go to bed," said she. "Very well." We both undressed like lightning +without a word passing, and stood, she in chemise, I in shirt in a +trice. "Let's get in naked." Without reply she drew off her chemise as +I pulled off my shirt, and the next minute naked in each other's arms we +were fucking in a warm bed, not a word of conversation passing till we +had spent, those moments are so soul-absorbing in their lasciviousness. + +"Oh! how quick we've been,--lay still." With mutual consent we kept +together in fleshy conjunction, I nestled my balls up her, she tightened +her cunt to stimulate my shrinking organ. But little stimulus was +needed, our spend had only made us want it again, we had scarcely rested +ere we recommenced fucking, and again we spent before my prick had +uncunted. How lovely, how exquisite is the reminiscence! What equals +the pleasure of a man and woman pleased with each other, thrilling with +lust, when prick and cunt are joined, and they spend in each other's +arms! + +Still she would not let me out of her, crossing her limbs over my +thighs, drawing me closer to her by her hands, grasping my arse-cheeks, +pulling the cheeks almost open, squeezing her cunt up to me, she kept me +up her, kissing me, shoving her tongue towards mine, and saying I was a +lovely poke, the first baudy words that dropped from her, I rubbing +my belly up against hers till my balls almost lay between her fat +cunt-lips, swabbing up the oozings of the sperm which ran out from her. +And so we lay, kissing, tongue-sucking, and talking the stinging words +of love and lust. + +Then as repose became a pleasure, and nature severed us. "Oh! my God how +wet you have made me," she said, "it's all on the sheet." "Let me feel." +I felt on my side, she turned on hers towards me, and threw one leg over +my haunch, I placed my hand on her cunt, and felt the sperm, wetting +my hand, whilst she grasped my slippery prick. "Feel how wet your prick +is," I put my hand there, and every hair on my prick was plastered +against my belly; then hand on cunt, and hand on prick we both dozed +off. + +When I awakened we were still face to face, Louisa asleep with a hand +under my balls. I pulled down the clothes to look at her naked body: the +gas was burning brightly, I saw splendid breasts; down went my hand to +her cunt, I groped it, she awoke, and without a word turned on to her +back, and I on to her belly. Whilst couched easily on to that broad +belly, and lying between her ample breasts, and steadied by her large +thighs, my prick lying down against her gap, kissing and sucking each +other's mouths, she glided her hand down, and introduced my pendulous +doodle to her randy cunt, and again we fucked. We were mad for it, +neither of us uttered a word, till she cried out, "Oh! I'm coming,--my +God,--ah!" And then we spent, and went fast asleep again, exhausted with +the pleasure. + +We were awakened by a knock. "Who's there?" "Hannah." "What do you +want?" "Are you going to stop all night?" "No," said I jumping out of +bed, "what o'clock is it?" "It's half-past twelve." "Come to bed," said +Louisa. In I jumped. "Oh! I'm so hungry," said she, "how I should like +some oysters." "So should I,--get up, and we'll go and have some before +the shop closes." "No, stop here, Hannah will get them." I agreed, +ordered them, and we went on twiddling each other's privates, I +recollect the feel of hers at this very moment,--it was like a +paste-pot. + +I had never seen her person yet. The throwing her on to the bed, and +lifting her clothes, her stripping, and jumping into bed had been so +rapid, and so randy had both of us been, so anxious to copulate, that I +had had no time to look, to contemplate, to enjoy her with my eyesight. +Now off went the bed clothes. "Let's look at your cunt." "I won't till +I've washed." "No now." I pulled one thigh. "No you dirty dog,--it's +not nice." She jumped out of bed, and washed her quim, I my prick, we +pissed, and then she threw herself on the bed, and delivered her body up +to me. When I had had a quarter of an hour's investigation, she amused +herself with looking and pulling my prick about, waiting for our supper. + +She was a very fine tall woman, stout and well-built. She said she was +twenty-four, but I believe she was thirty. She looked less stout with +her clothes on than when she was undressed, for I was much surprised to +see how very big she was when naked. She had a very big arm, her thighs +and legs were very big as well. Hannah was right about it, the entire +legs were grand, but had not the exquisite curves of Sarah Mavis'. Her +bum was proportionate to her thighs, her waist was not nearly small +enough, her breasts were very large, and beautifully placed, and +beautifully solid; her face was large and common-place, she had +grey eyes, and lightest auburn hair,--immense in quantity, which was +pleasing, though not handsome; it was not a face which in the streets +would have attracted me. Her teeth were good. + +The hair on her cunt, which was thick-lipped and pouting, was also of a +lightish auburn, not by any means a colour to my taste when between the +thighs,--so many women's cunts are furnished with that colour. It was +thick, longish, soft in feel, large in quantity, and spread half-way up +to her navel, and square across her belly to the line of her thighs. I +guessed it a thirty year old cunt from that. She was a lovely fucker, +and though her cunt was a large one inside and out; the prick was well +clipped by it, and kept in when its business was done. There was such +room to lie on her between her thighs, and all seemed so well placed +to hold a man, that I often thought of her in after time when fucking +Sarah, who was the very reverse; who always made me bend my back when +fucking, and from whose quim my prick would always slip, unless we both +made some effort to retain it after I had spent. Sarah rarely did that, +hating the muck. Indeed when Sarah was randy, and wagged her arse as she +did violently, all of a sudden just before she spent, she often threw my +stiff prick out, which set me off damning and cursing till it was up her +again. + +The oysters came, and champagne with them, we went to bed again, and sat +in chemise and shirt to eat them, said I, "let's have another fuck naked +again," for the touch of her large fleshy body to mine had entranced +me, and thus we fucked. Another doze. "Ulloh! why it's three o'clock,--I +must be off." "Don't go dear,--stop all night." "I can't,--they will +think I am ill." "So they will me, but I can't go home, I live too far +off,--do stop all night with me, there's a darling," said she. + +Instead of a doze we had slept two hours. I at times stopped out all +night, and never without saying I intended to do so, but I was tired and +sleepy. "Oh! don't go." I put on my shirt. "Well let's have another +poke before you go,--the champagne has made me so randy." It had also +operated on me. I looked, there were her breasts naked just peeping +above the bedclothes, one arm out, the hand under her head, the big +white fleshy arm, and the thick sandy brown hair in the armpits. "Come," +said she uncovering to her knees. Off went my shirt, and jumping into +bed the thighs received me, the voluptuous tongue and round, soft, +wet lips glued themselves on to mine again, and heaving gently we were +already on the way to another spend. My God what work, what prolonged +pleasure!--I forgot Sarah Mavis, and every other woman that night +in the arms of Louisa. In baudy amusement we passed the whole night +together, and I awakened at ten the next morning with the need of going +as fast as I could to shit. + +I came back, washed, and we fucked again; then she went as she said to +speak to Hannah, whom I knew was a bed at that time; she went I knew to +empty herself, but I asked no questions. We had ham and coffee in bed, +and more fucking, and about one o'clock we rose and left. My finger must +have smelt of cunt I should think for twenty-four hours afterwards, for +I had scarcely left Louisa's cunt for eighteen hours; if my prick was +not up her my fingers were, when not asleep. Whether spunk was in it +or not was all the same, there was no objecting, she gave way to my +insistance, and we lay at intervals, she feeling my prick, one of +her legs placed over mine, and my hand between her thighs, both of us +kissing, tongue-sucking, and scarcely talking. I barely recollect our +talk at all,--it was one long baudy night; how many times we fucked I +can't say, but it was one of my great exercises. She was tired, and so +was I, yet at the last moment, "Let's try it again," I said: "No, I'm +sore, and in pain," said she. I sometimes think my prick must have been +nearly a dozen times up her, and when ramming stiff for a long time +without spending she murmured, "Oh! pray dear leave off." + +We fucked in no other fashion than belly to belly, we were naked the +whole night, and did nothing outside the bed. When I had paid for the +room, supper and breakfast, I only had a few shillings left. I told her. +"Never mind," said she, "you shall give me some money some day when I am +hard up;" so I paid her nothing then. + +I recollect all this distinctly, I always do the incidents of a first +night with a female. When I am accustomed to them, the more striking +circumstances of our acquaintance remain in my memory. It seems to +me that first night's incidents will always remain fresh in my +recollection, excepting the number of fucks; I recollect up to about +half-a-dozen, then I lose count, there my memory of a first night alone +fails me. + +I took a liking for Louisa. For nearly a year I had borne with the +frigidity of Sarah and her tyranny, "You shall only do it once,--I +won't,--I can't wait,--well go," were commands I had got accustomed to +obey, had bowed to refusals to allow her secret charms to be looked +at time after time, to have my prick ejected before the last injecting +throb had been given. I liked the woman, doted on her exquisite form, +liked the domesticity of sitting and reading to her, and at the same +time just feeling her cunt whilst she laid on the sofa, because I liked +her conversation, and because I was at times rewarded by rapturous +delight when she abandoned herself body and soul to me, I submitted to +all this. But I often rebelled, wished it was otherwise, and made up +my mind to leave her for other women, yet did not. I have said all this +before. + +Now to have a splendidly made woman, who had as much pleasure with me as +I had with her, was overwhelming. I forgot Sarah for a time, and longed +for the repetition of the baudy, voluptuous hours I had had with the +big-armed, big-thighed Louisa, and counted the days till we met again. +The instant I set eyes upon her we went upstairs. "Let's get into bed." +Then it was a race who undressed the first. "Naked?" "Yes naked." She +laughed. "Look at your thing," said she as sitting down she pissed. It +was stiff as a poker; the next minute I was laying bedded on that soft +fleshy form, and we were spending. What a fat, luscious, and grand cunt +she had, though three fingers went up it easily. + +Then to my delight she threw up her limbs a little, and crossing them +over me pressed her cunt close up to my willing cock-roots; and there +we lay, my prick in her, my balls covering her arse-hole; whilst now +and then she gripped my prick by muscular cuntal action. When her tongue +touched mine, she sometimes ran her lithsome tongue over my teeth, or +under my lips, and along my gums,--it was a peculiarity of hers. Then +she would glue her wet lips to my wet lips, till our salivas mingled, +and ran profusely, stimulating our lusts. Thus we enjoyed each other's +bodies, till another fuck dissolved us, and separated our spunk-soaked +genitals; and she got up, washed, and went away sometimes in a great +hurry. + +Soon I grumbled at her going so, and she promised to stop a longer +time. "Have a shoulder of mutton," said she, "and onion sauce,--I love +it,--Hannah will cook it beautifully,--we will dine at two o'clock, +Hannah with us." So it came about; we three sat down to a shoulder. +Louisa liked sherry, Hannah brandy; I brought both of fine quality, we +gorged, Hannah got slightly tight, observing Louisa and I caressing. +"Ah!" said she, "I envy you, you two going to bed." "Why where is Jack?" +"Oh! at Windsor, and I shan't have a bit for a month at least." "You'll +have to frig yourself," said I joking. "That's better than nothing, but +I like the wetting best." Louisa laughed, and used afterwards to say to +Hannah, "Has Jack given you a wetting?" Later on some other free ladies +took up the joke, and Hannah's "wetting" became a bye-word among the +circle of free, mercenary lovers. + +Dinner over we hurried upstairs, and we went naked to bed. This was +about half-past three; there we lay till eleven o'clock at night, and +had an oyster supper in bed. Hannah came up, and ate oysters with us +whilst we were in bed together. We ate them out of the shells, and drank +champagne, heard happy couples over head, and joked about it, talked +about fine limbs, about Sarah's fine legs. "Show us yours Hannah," said +Louisa. Hannah without a word cocked one leg up against the bed, and +drew up her petticoats to the top of one thigh. "There," said she, "I am +not ashamed of it." She had a fine leg, but was a very plain woman. She +had shown her leg to me on the day of the leg-show, when I had spent +involuntarily, as I have already told. We laughed and praised her leg. +"Oh! I'm ashamed of you both," said Hannah dropping her petticoats, +laughing, and hurrying out of the room. "I know where his fingers are." +She was right, Louisa was sitting up in bed, her legs half up, but +covered, I half reclining by the side of her, had thrust my hand under +the thighs, and was feeling her cunt. + +Hannah left the room. We began fucking, I was on the top operating when +the door opened, and a couple showed themselves. We heard a voice crying +out, "Not there Maam, it's occupied," and Hannah's sister rushing in +ejected a man and woman who had entered before they saw a couple were in +the bed. We were too far advanced to mind, I uncunted with the object +of closing the door, but the servants having done so, we consumated +and dozed off; nor was it till the servant came to say we ought to be +careful, that I got up and bolted the door. + +Then began a regular meeting once a week, and sometimes twice. Money +seemed no object to Louisa, she took what I gave, and never asked for +more; once or twice she said, "I want a bonnet dear,--give me one,"--or +a new pair of boots, or was hard up for a trifle, and then I gave her +all I could; but she had not in a couple of months as much as at the +last period of my acquaintance with her, Sarah had from me in three +days. But she let me spend money in oysters and champagne suppers, and +early dinners, Guardsman Jack who had come back from Windsor, used often +to get his fill. I once saw Jack in bed with Hannah, and his scarlet +uniform on the chair; he turned himself round with his face to the wall +when I entered. He had a thick head of black hair, which is all I saw. + +Louisa was a voluptuous poke, and enjoyed the fun as much as a woman +could. I think, (but recollection on that point is not clear, when I +come to comparison), that she was the nicest woman to lay on I ever +had. I was slim, though far from a skeleton, and as I laid naked on her +between her large breasts, and between her thighs slightly elevated (for +she usually raised her legs, after we had fucked and she had recovered +from her pleasure, or when I mounted her for preliminary dalliance), I +could scarcely roll off of her without an effort. She had also when her +pleasure was increasing, a movement of her whole body, and not of her +cunt and backside alone; her breasts quivered with a gentle, perfectly +natural motion, and I could feel her flesh moving and rubbing against +mine from belly to neck in a way which stirred lust in me from the hair +of my head to the soles of my feet; I seemed to feel all over her body +at once, and it was most delicious. She had a lovely lasciviousness with +her tongue. If my tongue was in her mouth when she spent, she almost +sucked it out of me, and the clipping of her cunt after my prick had +been relieved from its stiffness I have already mentioned. Her length +of arm enabled her to squeeze my balls when in various positions, and +no woman ever let me pull her about and look at her cunt, whether it +was clean or spunky, more freely than she did. With many it is evidently +business, with her it seemed pleasure. She took a delight in all I did, +even when I washed her cunt. + +(My pleasures however with her were of a simple kind. I had none of the +varied erotic pleasures that I now know, the bum-hole and mouth were +reserved for the enjoyment of my more matured years.) I should have +seen her more frequently, but she would only come at the outside twice +a week. No it was impossible,--she lived too far off. I tried to get +out of Hannah some knowledge about her, but could not. One day only when +fuddled she asked if I had heard she was married. "You mean," said I, +"living with a man." "No really married, and been so for years,--oh! +don't you tell her,--she'll cut the house if you do." + +At the end of perhaps three months I was in bed with her; we had poked, +reposed, and were in amorous dalliance, lying face to face, she with one +limb over my haunch, so that I could feel her cunt well, she twiddling +my somewhat exhausted prick. "I have a surprise for you," she said. "For +me,--what?" "I'm in the family way." "The devil,--whose fault is that?" +"No one's fault, and perhaps no misfortune,--would you like a child?" +"I?--why?" (I had a presentiment of what was coming.) "Because it is +yours." "Nonsense." "It is my dear,--I have felt certain of it for some +time past, but waited to be quite sure before telling you." "Are you +quite sure?" "As certain as I am that I shall die." + +I was flabbergasted, felt distressed, as if I had done her some harm +that I could not repair, that I had injured her, and should cause +her pain and annoyance. It was succeeded by a fear that I should have +trouble through it, and expense that I could not afford. Then came the +idea that she was selling me, putting a plant on me; that if she were +with child it was another man's, not mine. Then came a belief over me +that what she said was true, that her pleasure in my embraces was so +real, so unlike that of the ordinary gay women, that the result might +be due to me. Overwhelmed I lay quiet, confused with the tumultuous +thoughts and feelings which rushed through my brain. + +At length I said, "Are you sure?" "Yes." "It may be your husband's" (for +Hannah's hints came to my mind). "He!--he!--the miserable, contemptible +little wretch!--he?" She left off feeling my cock, raised herself on her +elbow, and looking at me said, "Who told you I was married?" "No one." +"Some one has." "No one,--but I have more than once fancied you were +married by the difficulty I have in getting you to come to meet me when +I want." "Some one has told you." "No one has." "I'm a damned fool," +said she, "I dare say you know more than you say,--what do you know?" +"Nothing." "It's your child, and no one else's,--I'm sorry I have told +you,--say nothing more about it,"--and she turned on her back. "Are you +married?" "Of course not, or I should not be in bed with you." "Some man +is keeping you perhaps." "No one is keeping me either," said she. + +I could not keep quiet, so much was I excited, and thought of the man +she met at J... s Street still, although she tried to hide that. I did +not like to suggest it, for I had found out that any reference to +him annoyed her, and I always avoided giving pain to any woman I had +connection with; but the matter seemed so grave that I could not keep +what was on my mind to myself, and as delicately as I could suggested +him. + +"It's not," said she fiercely, "it can't be." "Why?" "You are the only +man who has spent in me for years." "What," said I incredulously, "no +one had you?" "No one has spent in me but you for years,--no one." I was +staggered, but returned to the subject. "Nonsense Louisa,--how can you +tell?" "I've told you why." "Why if you've a husband, and if you have a +friend who meets you, how can you be sure it's me?" + +"I have no husband, and it's no friend,--if you don't believe it, I tell +you on my oath, on my body and soul, and may I go to hell when I die, if +it be not true, that no man has spent in me for years but you." "No +man has fucked you!--what do they do then?" "That's no concern of +yours,--but no man's stuff has ever been up me for quite two years but +yours,--I'm not going to say any more about it,--my business is not +yours,--nobody has asked you to keep the child,--you need not trouble +yourself,--I'm sorry I told you." She turned her bum to me, and began to +cry; I tried to comfort her. + +"That will do," said she, "give me some oysters and champagne." I +ordered them, then wanted another fuck. "No you shan't have it,"--nor +would she let me. The oysters and champagne made her more complaisant, +but she was angry and snappish. After another fuck she got up and left +me before her usual time, and I went away wondering at this, and at the +number of women who had been, or who said they had been with child by +me. + +Soon after she was loving, sad, and serious, was sorry I would not have +liked the child, for it was certainly mine, but she would get rid of it. +Then in the familiarity of a lewd man and woman naked in bed together, +she told me a lot about herself. + +She _was_ married, she lived with him and her mother, but loathed +her husband. "He,--he the miserable wretch,--he touch _me_, the +dirty beast!--I'd sooner die than let him," she cried, "if he wanted +even,--but he does not want _me_,--what he wants he gets elsewhere, not +with _me_," said she with strong emphasis. If she left him, she would +have to support her mother alone,--perhaps it would come to that some +day,--she was quite prepared for it. They ate and drank together when +he was at home, but had not slept together for years. He kept the house +comfortably enough,--perhaps he would so long as she took trouble about +it, for he did not care so long as he got his food good. Yes she did +meet a friend. It got her luxuries she could not get any other way; her +husband knew she got money elsewhere, for she dressed in a way he must +know his money would not enable her to do. He asked no questions, and +did not care nor heed, nor seem to notice. That was pretty well all I +ever got out of her. Hannah drunk, and talking to me one day said he was +a very little man, and a brewer's clerk, "a hop o' my thumb," she called +him. "Never mind what my friend does," said Louisa, "I've known him some +years,--he does something of course, he does not meet me for nothing, +but I tell you he has never spent in me,--no man has spent in me for +years but you." "Do you frig your friend?" "If you like, anything else +you like, it's all the same,--I'm not going to say; but neither he +nor any one else has spent in me,--no man's seed has been up me for +two years or more. The first night you had me I spent first, you spent +after; the next time as your seed touched me, I felt a shiver run right +through me, and I got in the family way at that very instant, I'm sure." +Louisa was particular in her language, she never said "spunk,"--thought +it a nasty word,--she always said "seed," or "stuff" when she spoke of +my sperm,--Sarah called it "muck". + +Though I had had such lots of women, and had heard of most things, +yet simple, straightforward fucking had engrossed me, I rarely had +out-of-the-way lusts and letches, and I never thought to ask if her +friend buggered or sucked her, or if she sucked him, or what little +amusements they were up to. At all events she must have satisfied him +some way, for he had known her she said some years. A man was likely to +stick to Louisa, for she was a magnificent piece of flesh, from her neck +to her ankles. + +So I believed Louisa, and felt interested in her belly beginning to +swell, but did not want the young one, or the troubles of paternity, or +to get her into trouble; besides I had no affection for her, though I +liked fucking her better and better. + +Louisa then was away ill; I saw her again when her womb was cleared out, +and we took to fucking as usual. One day in baudy vagaries we had been +posturing, and she straddled across my face, bringing her cunt right on +to my mouth, and my nose to her bum, she had been asking me if I ever +kissed Sarah in any way but the straight one. She began kissing my pega +as she lay on the top of me, I kissed her buttocks, but took no hint, if +any were intended. She was very heavy, and I noticed for the first time +a strongish odour from her cunt which annoyed me; afterwards I used +often to fancy she had a strong smell about her quim, and was fool +enough to tell her so, which offended her? but we made it up. + +After a little time she began asking me if I had not forgotten +Sarah,--did I love her as much?--did I long to have her again?--did she +(Louisa) not give me as much pleasure as Sarah? I had then got over my +desolation a little, and only thought of Sarah and her exquisite form +with a sigh, was annoyed that she had not written to me, and I began to +confess to myself, that for fucking, Sarah was not to be compared with +Louisa. Then I began to wonder at my having been so infatuated, and +let it out to Louisa one night. She said she wished I would keep +_her_,--three pounds a week, and she would make it do, and so on; and I +began to think seriously about the matter, for the expenses at the baudy +house were nearly that amount; and although my delicate senses had began +to revolt at the strong smell of Louisa, yet her voluptuousness was +enticing, and was making me actually constant to her. I had quite left +off my Mulatto, Brighton Bessie, and one or two others of my queens. + +Louisa was again taken ill,--the consequence of her miscarriage, and of +the measures taken to bring that on I was told. She got worse and worse, +and was in great danger; she never wrote to me, but often to Hannah, and +her letters which I saw always referred to me affectionately; above all +she wanted to know what ladies I had at J...s Street. Hannah winking at +me used to say, "I'd like to know where you put it away now,--it's put +somewhere." I had taken no women to that house; but laughing said I was +chaste. Hannah did not believe that, so I said I frigged myself. "You +don't spill it about in that way," said she, "let me feel it,"--and she +put her hand outside my clothes on to my tool. "Oho!--oho!--oho!" said +she, for I stiffened. Then she brought me her accounts to cast up, and +when it was done, "I shall take a nap," said she, "you go now, for I +expect Mrs. ------ and a strange lady" (I had looked in casually that +morning),--and getting on to the bed she laid down showing her legs +liberally, and looking at me all the time. "Good bye," I said, and left; +but have thought since that Hannah wanted me to have her. She never +before or since looked at me in that way, nor behaved with such freedom +when we were alone. + +Her bed was as I have I think already told, in the front-parlour in +J...s Street, and in an alcove, as many beds are in French hotels and +houses; and when the curtains were drawn across it, the bed was entirely +hidden. + +And then when without a woman at my command, and with a frequent need +for one, another piece of luck befell me. The way had been paved for it +before Louisa was so ill. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + + A friend's maid-servant.--Jenny.--Initial familiarity.--A + bum pinched.--Jenny communicative.--Her young man.--An + attempt, a failure, a faint, a look, and a sniff.-- + Restoratives. + +I knew an elderly couple who were childless, and lived in a nice little +house in the suburbs with, a long garden in front, and one at the back +as well; they were in comfortable but moderate circumstances, and kept +two servants only. Every year they went to the seaside, taking one +servant with them, and leaving the other at home to look after the +house; and usually some one to take charge of it with her. This year +they asked if I would when I passed the house (as I frequently did) call +in, and see if all was going properly, for the housemaid left in charge +was young, and her sister, a married woman, usually only stopped the +night with her, leaving early each morning for work in which she was +daily engaged. She was an upholstress. + +I knew the servant whose name was Jane. She had been with the family +some months. I often dined at the house; and once or twice when she had +opened the garden-gate (always locked at nightfall), to let me out, I +had kissed her, and tipped her shillings. She was a shortish, fat-bummed +wench. Not long before this time I gave her bum such a hard pinch one +night, that she cried out. A day or two afterwards I said, "Was it +not black and blue?" "I don't know." "Let me see." "It's like your +impertance," she replied. + +After that I used to ask her when I got the chance, to let me see if +the finger-marks were there, at which she would blush a little, and turn +away her head, but nothing further had come of the liberty. + +When I called at the house I had no intention about the girl, as far as +I can recollect. She opened the door, and heard my errand and questions. +Yes all was right. Did her sister come and sleep there? Yes. Was she +there now? No, she would not be there till nearly dark. I stepped +inside, for then I thought of larking with her. "I am tired, and will +rest a little," and stepped into the parlour, sat down on a sofa, began +questioning her about a lot of trifles, and in doing so thought of the +pinch I had given her bum, and my cock began to tingle. Then I thought +she was alone in the house. "Oh! if she would let me fuck her!--has she +been broached?--she is nice and plump." Curiosity increased my lust, and +unpremeditatingly I began the approaches for the attack, though I only +meant a little amatory chaffing. + +"Is it black and blue yet Jenny?" She did not for the instant seem to +recollect, for she asked me innocently enough, "What sir?" "Your bum +where I pinched it." She laughed, checked herself, coloured up, and +said, "Oh! don't begin that nonsense sir." I went on chaffing. "How +I should like to have pinched it under your clothes,--but no I would +sooner kiss it than pinch it." "Oh! if you're a going on like that I'll +go to the kitchen." I stood before the door, and stopped her going out. +"Now give me a kiss." I caught and kissed her, then gave a lot, and got +a return from her. "I won't--Lor there then,--what a one you are,"--and +so on. "Well Jenny one kiss, and you may afterwards kiss whenever you +want you know." And so she seemed to think, for I got her to sit down +on the sofa, and we gossiped and kissed at intervals, till my cock got +unruly. "What a fat bum you have," said I. Then she attempted to rise, I +pulled her back, we went on gossiping, and kissing at intervals. She got +quite interested in my talk as I sat with one arm round her waist, and +another on her thigh, outside her clothes of course. + +So for a while; but I was approaching another stage, was getting randy, +and reckless. "Lord how I'd like to be in bed with you, to feel that fat +bum of yours, to feel your c--u--n--t," spelling it, "to f--u---c--k it +I'd give a five-pound note," said I all in a burst, and stooping, got +my hand up her clothes on to her thigh. She gave a howl. "Oh! I say +now,--what a shame!--oh! you beast." I shoved her back on the sofa +upsetting her, got my lips on her thighs, and kissed them. Then she +escaped me, and breathing hard, stood up looking at me after her +struggle. "Oh! I wouldn't have believed it," said she panting with the +exertion. What a lot of women I have heard say, they would not have +believed it, when I first made a snatch at their privates. I suppose +they say what they mean. + +Begging her pardon, "I could not help it," I said, "you are so pretty +and nice,--I'd give ten pounds to be in bed with you an hour." "Well I'm +sure." "Think what it is not to have a woman you like." "Well I'm sure +sir, you are a married man,--you've got a partner, and ought to know +better,--Missus would not have asked you to call if she'd a know'd +you,--she thinks there's no gent like you,--what would she say if I tell +her?" "But you won't my dear." "She thinks you a perfect gentleman, and +most unlucky," the girl went on to say, "and she is sorry for you too." + +"Oh! she does not know all, but you've heard, have you Jenny?" I tried +to make her sit on the sofa again, and promising that I would not forget +myself any more she did so. We kissed and made it up, and talking I soon +relapsed into baudiness. + +The quarrelsome life I led with the oldish woman at home was I knew well +understood by the old couple. "I lead a miserable life," said I. "Oh! +yes I know all about it," said the girl "Master and Missus often talk +about you,--but you're very gay, ain't you?" Then I told this girl a +lot. "Think my dear what it is not even to sleep with a woman for two +months,--for two months we have never slept together,--I've never seen +her undressed,--never touched her flesh,--you know what people marry +for,--I want a woman,--you know what I mean don't you,--every night what +am I to do?--I love laying belly to belly naked with a nice woman, and +taking my pleasure with her,--so of course I can't keep from having +other women at times,--you don't know what an awful thing it is to have +a stiff prick, and not a nice woman to relieve it." She gave me a push, +got up, and made for the door at the word prick. Again I stopped her. +She had sat staring at me with her mouth wide open, without saying a +word, all the time I had been telling the baudy narrative of domestic +trouble, as if she were quite stupefied by my plain language until she +suddenly jumped up, and made for the door without saying a word. + +I was as quick as she, caught her, put my back against the door, and +would not let her go, but could not get her to look me in the face, +I had so upset her. There we stood, I begging her to sit down, and +promising not to talk so again, she saying, "Now let me go,--let me +out." "No,--sit down." "No." But in about a quarter of an hour she did, +and then again I told her of my trouble, avoided all straighforward +allusion to my wanting other women, but hinted it enough. She got +interested, and asked me no end of questions. "Lord why don't you +separate,--if I quarrel with my husband so, I'm sure I will,--I tell my +young man so." "Oh! you have a sweetheart." Yes she had,--a grocer's +shopman,--he lived at Brighton, came up third class to see her every +fortnight, starting early, and going back late. She was flattered by +my enquiries, told me all about him and herself, their intention to +get married in a year; and I sat and listened with one hand outside her +clothes on her thigh, and thinking how I could best manage to get into +her. + +"He goes with women," said I to make her jealous. "He don't I'm +sure,--if he did, and I found it out, I'd tear his eyes out, and break +off with him, though he says Brighton is a dreadful place for them +hussies." She got quite excited at the idea. "When he comes up, you and +he enjoy yourselves,--his hands have been where mine have to-night." "No +he hasn't,--if he dared I'd--now I don't like this talk,--you said you +wouldn't,--leave me alone,--you keep breaking your word." Another +little scuffle, a kiss, and a promise. "Why should you not enjoy +yourselves?--who would know anything about it but yourselves,--it's so +delicious to feel yourselves naked in each other's arms, your bellies +close together." "Get away now,"--and she tried to get up. I got my hand +up her clothes, pulled her on to the sofa, and holding her down with +one hand, pressed myself sideways on her, and kissed her, pulling out my +prick with the other. + +Then she cried out so loudly that I was alarmed, for the window at the +back was open. "Hush,--be quiet,--there,--I've touched your cunt." I +pulled one of her hands on to my prick. "Oh! for shame Jenny you touched +my prick." Again she got up, and made for the door; so did I, and stood +there with my back to it, and my poker out in front of me. "Come and +open the door my dear, and you will run against this." She turned her +head away, and would not look. "Why don't you come on?--if you run up +against it, it won't hurt you,--it's soft though it's stiff." "I'll +write to my Mistress to-night," said she, and turned away. "Do my +pet,--tell her how stiff it was, and the old lady will want to see it +when she comes back." "It's disgraceful." "No my dear, it's to be proud +of,--why you're looking at it I can see." + +Then she turned quite away. "That's right dear,--now I can see where I +pinched your bum,--it was not far from your little quim,--oh! if that +could talk, it would ask to be introduced to this,--it's hot, isn't it +Jenny?" I said, this and a lot more. She had walked to the back-window, +and stood looking into the garden whilst I rattled on. "You're laughing +Jenny." "It's a story," said she, "I'm insulted,"--and turned round with +a stern face. I shook my tooleywagger. "How ill-tempered you look,--come +and feel this, and you'll be sweet-tempered at once." She turned round +to the window again. + +"I _will_ write my Missus,--that I _will_." "Do dear." + +"My sister will be here directly." "You said she comes at dusk,--it +won't be dark for three hours." "I wish you would go,--what will people +say if they know you're here?" "Don't be uneasy,--they will know no more +than they know of your doings with your young man." "There is nothing to +know about, but what is quite proper." + +So we stood. She looking out of the window, and turning round from time +to time. I standing by the door with my prick out; then I approached +her quietly. "Feel it Jenny,--take pity on it." "Oh! for God's sake +sir, what are you doing?" She turned and pushed me back, then retreated +herself, keeping her face to the window as she stepped backwards. "Oh! +there is Miss and Mrs. Brown walking in the next garden." Sure enough +there were two ladies there; they could have seen everything close to +the window over the low wall which separated the gardens; and had they +been looking, must have seen Jenny, me, and my prick. "Oh! if they have +seen, they will tell my Missus, and she'll tell my young man, and +I shall be ruined,--oh!--oh!--oh!" said she sinking back into an +arm-chair with a flood of tears,--half funk and shock, and perhaps +randiness, causing it. + +I was alarmed. "Oh!" she sobbed, "if they saw you,--hoh!--ho!--and it +was no fault of mine,--you're a bad man,--oho! oho!" She sat with +her hands to her face, her elbows on her knees. I dropped on my knees +imploring her to be quiet, was sure no one had seen me, and tried to +kiss her. The position was inviting, I slid my hands up her clothes +between her thighs, she took no notice, was evidently in distress, not +even conscious of the invasion. A bold push, and my fingers touched +her cunt. I forgot all in the intensity of my enjoyment, at feeling my +fingers on the edge of the soft, warm nick. No repulse I I looked up, +she sank back in the chair, seemingly unconscious and deadly white. + +I withdrew my hand, then came a mental struggle; my first impulse was to +get cold water, the next to look at her cunt. I went towards the door, +turned round to look at her. Her calves were visible, I ran back, and +lifted her clothes, so that I could just see her cunt-hair, gave her +thighs a kiss, and then rushed downstairs, got water, and as I entered +the room she was recovering. She knew nothing or next to nothing of what +had occured, nor that my fingers had touched her clitoris, though she +had not actually fainted. + +"I wish I had some brandy," she said, "I feel so weak." "Is there any +in the side-board?" "No." "I'll go and get a little." A few hundred feet +from the house down a side-door, was a public-house. As I was going, +"You will let me in again?" I said. "If you promise not to touch me." +She looked so pale that I fetched brandy, but put the street-door key +in my pocket as I went. "If she don't let me in," I thought, "she shan't +have the key,--and what will she tell her sister about that?" It was +a key almost as big as a shovel; she never noticed that I had taken it +away. She thought by her dodge that she had got rid of me, and told me +so afterwards. + +I brought back the brandy and knocked. "Let me in." "I won't." "Then you +shan't have the street-door key." This was spoken to each other through +the closed door. A pause, then the door opened. "You are coming Jenny." +We went downstairs into the kitchen, she had brandy and water, and so +had I. It was a hot day, the pump-water was deliriously cool, I made +hers as strong as she would take it,--it was an instinct of mine. She +got her colour back, and became talkative, we talked about her fainting, +but she tried to avoid talking about it, and did not want me to refer to +what had led to it. I did, and was delighted to think that it was owing +to what is called "exposing my person." + +"I don't think the ladies saw it, so you need not have been so +frightened Jenny,--but you saw it, did you not?" No reply. "I saw you +looking at it." "It's a story." "Why did you faint?" "I always feel +faint if I am startled." "What startled you?" "Nothing." "You saw it, +and you put your hand over it to hide it, and you touched it." "It's a +story,--I wish you'd go." "You ungrateful little devil, when I've just +fetched you brandy." "It's through you that I felt ill." "Why?" No +reply. "Don't be foolish,--it was for fear that the ladies should have +seen my prick so near you,--now look at it,"--and I pulled it out, it +was not stiff. "It was twice the size when you saw it,--feel it, and it +will soon be bigger." + +The girl rose saying she would go and remain in the forecourt till her +sister came, if I did not leave, but I prevented her going out of the +kitchen. She began to cry again, and had a little more brandy and water. +My talk took its old channel. + +"Do you know how long you were fainting?" "I didn't faint, but only a +minute or so." "Do you know what I did?" She was sitting down, then got +upright, looked at me full in the face, her eyes almost starting out of +her head. "What did you do!--what?--what?--what?" She spoke hurriedly, +anxiously, in an agitated manner. "I threw up your clothes, kissed your +cunt, and felt it." + +"It's a lie,--it's a lie." "It's true,--and the hair is short, and +darker than the hair of your head,--and your thighs are so white,--and +your garters are made of blue cloth,--and I felt it, the dear little +split,--how I wish my belly had been up against it I--what a lovely +smell it has!" (putting my fingers to my nose). + +"Oho!--oho!--oho!" said she bursting into tears, "what a shame to take +liberties with a poor girl when she can't help herself,--oho!--oho!--you +must be a bad man,--Missus had no business to send you to look after +me, as if she could not trust me,--she don't know what sort of man you +are,--and a gentleman too,--oho!--and married too,--it's a shame,--oho! +--oho! I don't believe you though,--oho--o--o." And when I told her +again the colour and the make of her garters, she nearly howled. "You +mean man to do such a thing when I was ill." + +I kissed her, she let me, but went on blubbering. "I've a good mind to +tell my young man." "That will be foolish, because you and I mean to +have more pleasure than we have had,--and he'll never be any the wiser +but if you tell him, he'll think it's your fault." + +This had occupied some hours, it was getting dark, but it seemed only as +if I had been there some minutes, so deliriously exciting are lascivious +acts and words. The charm of talking baudily to a woman for the first +time, is such, that hours fly away just like minutes. + +I got her on to my lap and kissed her. She was so feeble that I put my +hands up her clothes nearly to her knees before she repulsed them. Then +I feared her sister coming home; she promised to hide the brandy, and we +parted. She kissed me, and let me feel to her knees to induce me to go. +"Oh! for God's sake sir, do go before my sister comes." My last words +were. "Mind you've felt my cock, and I've felt your cunt." "Pray +go"--and I departed, leaving her tearful, excited, and in a state of +exhaustion which seemed to me unaccountable. + +Probably had I persisted a little longer I should have had her, such +was the lassitude into which she had fallen; but I felt that I had made +progress, and went home rejoicing, and forming plans for the future. +When I had had some food, and thought over the matter, I came to the +conclusion that I had been a fool in leaving her, and that had I pushed +matters more determinate at the last moment, I should have certainly +fucked her before I had left. I was mad with myself when I reflected on +that, and the opportunity lost, which might not occur again. + +Jenny had not fainted quite, but though unable to speak, resist, or +indeed move, she must have been partially conscious. I think this from +what I know of her nature afterwards. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + + When are women most lewd.--Garters, money, and promises.-- + About my servant.--The neckerchief.--Armpits felt.--Warm + hints.--Lewd suggestions.--Baudy language.--Tickling.-- + "Fanny Hill".--Garters tried.--Red fingers.--Struggle, and + escape.--Locked out.--I leave.--Baudy predictions, and + verifications. + +I have a confused recollection of thinking myself the next day an ass, +for having missed a good opportunity of spermatizing a fresh cunt; yet +for some reason or another it must have been three days before I went to +try my luck again. + +I had about this time of my life began to frame intentions, and +calculate my actions towards women; although still mostly ruled by +impulse and opportunity in love matters. My philosophy was owing to +experience, and also in a degree to my friend the Major, to whom some +years before I had confided my having commissioned a French woman to get +me a virgin. He was older, poorer, and more dissolute than ever, "He is +the baudiest old rascal that ever I heard tell a story," was the remark +of a man at our Club one night. Ask him to dinner in a quiet way by +himself, give him unlimited wine, and he would in an hour or two begin +his confidential advice in the amatory line, and in a wonderful manner +tell of his own adventures, and give reasons why he did this or that, +why he succeeded with this woman, or missed that girl, in a way as +amusing, and instructive to a young listener, as could be imagined. + +"If you want to get over a girl," he would say, "never flurry her till +her belly's full of meat and wine; let the grub work. As long as she is +worth fucking, it's sure to make a woman randy at some time. If she is +not twenty-five she'll be randy directly her belly is filled,--then go +at her. If she's thirty, give her half-an-hour. If she's thirty-five let +her digest an hour, she won't feel the warmth of the dinner in her cunt +till then. Then she'll want to piss, and directly after that she'll +be ready for you without her knowing it. But don't flurry your young +un,--talk a little quiet smut whilst feeding, just to make her laugh +and think of baudy things; then when she has left table, get at her. But +it's well," the old Major would say, "to leave a woman alone in a room +for a few minutes after she has dined, perhaps then she will let slip a +fart or two, perhaps she'll piss,--she'll be all the better for the wind +and water being out. A woman's cunt doesn't get piss-proud like a man's +prick you know, they're differently made from us my boy,--but show any +one of them your prick as soon as you can, it's a great persuader. Once +they have seen it they can't forget it, it will keep in their minds. +And a baudy book, they won't ever look at till you've fucked them!--oh! +won't they!--they would at church if you left them alone with it." And +so the Major instructed us. + +About three days afterwards, taking a pair of garters, two small showy +neckerchiefs, and _Fanny Hill_ with me, I knocked at the door. "Oh! +you!" said she colouring up. "Yes,--is everything right?" "Yes! all +right, what should be the matter sir?" She stood at the street-door +holding it open, though I had entered the hall. I turned, closed the +door, and caught hold of her. + +"Now none of that pray sir, you insulted me enough last time." "I could +not help it, you're so lovely, it's your fault,--forgive me, and I won't +do so any more,--here is a sovereign, take it, kiss me, and make it +up." "I don't want your money," said she sulkily. "Take it, I give it +with real pleasure,--what I had the other day was worth double." + +"I won't be paid for your rudeness, if that's what you mean." "Lord my +dear I've no occasion to pay for that, I took it without pay,--I wish I +could get what I told you yesterday,--I'd give ten times the sum." "You +are going on again." "Don't be foolish,--take it, buy a pair of silk +stockings." "Your plump legs would look so nice in them,"--and I forced +her to put the money into her pocket. + +Then I got her to the parlour, to sit down, to allow me to kiss her, +and then to talk about me and my "Missus," as she called her, a subject +which seemed to excite her, for she began asking me question after +question, and listened to all I said with breathless attention about my +daily habits, rows, and fast doings. Once I stopped at some question. +"I won't tell you that." "Oh! do,--do." "No it's curious." "Do,--do." It +was about a pretty servant-girl whom I had noticed in my house. "It will +offend you if I do." "No it won't." "Well give me a kiss then." + +She kissed me. She had stood up a moment, now she sat down again by me +on the sofa. I went on with my story, every now and then I stopped till +she kissed me, it came to a kiss every minute, as I sat with my arm +round her waist, talking. + +Said I, "It was a servant whom my wife turned out at a day's notice,--a +pretty girl,--I had taken to kissing her, and then I nudged her +somewhere you know. One night when she opened the door, I saw by the +light that my wife was in our bed-room. 'Is your Mistress upstairs?' +'Yes sir.' 'And the cook?' 'Yes.' Then I closed with her. 'Don't sir, +Missus will hear.' I hugged her closer, shoved her up against the wall, +got my hand on to her cunt, felt her, and gave her half-a-sovereign. How +delicious it was to get the fingers on to the wet nick of that pretty +girl, and say, 'How I should like to fuck that Mary.'" I told it in +words like that to Jenny, and she sat listening. At the word "fuck" up +she got. + +"You are a going on rude again." "You asked me." "Not for that." "But +that's what I had to tell, what you kissed me to tell." "I didn't think +you would say rude things." "Sit down, and I'll tell you without rude +words." And so I did, telling all over again with additions, but instead +of saying "cunt," "fuck," and so on, said, "I got my hand you know +where,"--"and then she let me you know what,"--"she was frightened to +let me do, you guess what I wanted." + +"Luckily though she foolishly told her fellow-servant, she did not say +who had been feeling her. That sneak told my wife, who told me about it, +or all she knew, and said she could not keep such an improper girl in +the house as that. 'But the other servant may have told a lie to spite +her.' 'Perhaps, but I'll turn her out too',--and so she did, both left." + +Thus I talked to Jenny till I expect her quim was hot enough; then said +I, "Here is a pretty neckerchief,--put it on." "Oh! how pretty." "I +won't give it you unless you put it on." She went to the glass and +unbuttoned the top of her dress, which was made to button on the front. +I saw her white fat bosom, she threw the kerchief round the neck, and +tried to push it down the back. "Let me put it down,--it's difficult." +She let me. "You are not unbuttoned enough,--it's too tight." She undid +another button, I pushed down the kerchief, and releasing my hand as I +stood at the back of her, put it over her shoulder, and down in front, +pushing it well under her left breast. "Oh! what a lovely breast you +have,--let me kiss it." + +A shriek, a scuffle; In the scuffle I burst off a button or two, which +exposed her breast, and getting my hand on to one of the globes began +feeling and kissing it. Then I slid my hand further down, and under her +armpit. "Oh! what a shame,--don't,--I don't like it." "How lovely,--kiss, +kiss,--oh! Jenny what a lot of hair I can feel under here." +"Oh!--screach,--screach,--oh! don't tickle me,--oh!--oh!,"--and she +crouched as women do who can't bear tickling. I saw my advantage. "Are +you ticklish?" "Yes,--oh!--(screach,--screach),--oh! leave off." + +Instead of leaving off I tickled harder than ever. She got my hand out, +but I closed on her, tickling her under her arm, pinching her sides, and +got her into such a state of excitement, that directly I touched her she +screached with wild laughter; the very idea of being touched made her +shiver. We were on the sofa, she yelling struggling whilst I pinched +her, she trying to get away from me, but fruitlessly; I buried my face +in her breasts which were now largely exposed, and she fell back I with +my face on her, and holding her tight. Then I put one hand down, feeling +outside for her notch; that stopped her screaching, and she pushed me +off as she got up. + +I soothed her, begged pardon, spoke of the hair in her armpits, wondered +if it was the same colour that it was lower down. Now she shammed anger, +boxed my ears, and we make it up. I produced the garters. "Oh! what a +lovely pair." "They're yours if you let me put them on." "I won't." "Let +me put on halfway up." "No." "Just above the ankle." "No, my stockings +are dirty." "Never mind." "No." Then she made an excuse, said she must +see to something, and left the room. I thought she was going to piddle. + +She came back. I found afterwards she had been out to lace up her boots, +they were untidy. It was coquettishness, female instinct, for she wanted +the garters, and meant to let me try them on, though refusing. "Where +do you garter, about knee?" "I shan't tell you." "I've seen,--let me put +them on below the knees." "No." "Then I'll give them to another woman +who will let me." "I don't care." I threw the garters on to the table +after some fruitless attempts. I was getting awfully lewd with our +conversation. + +"Do you like reading?" "Yes." "Pictures?" "Yes." "I've a curious book +here." "What is it?" I took the book out. "The Adventures of Fanny Hill" +"Who was she?" "A gay lady,--it tells how she was seduced, how she had +lots of lovers, was caught in bed with men,--would you like to read it?" +"I should." "We will read it together,--but look at the pictures,"--this +the fourth or fifth time in my life I have tried this manoeuvre with +women. + +I opened the book at a picture of a plump, leering, lecherous-looking +woman squatting, and pissing on the floor, and holding a dark-red, +black-haired, thick-lipped cunt open with her fingers. All sorts of +little baudy sketches were round the margin of the picture. The early +editions of _Fanny Hill_ had that frontispiece. + +She was flabbergasted, silent. Then she burst out laughing, stopped and +said, "What a nasty book,--such books ought to be burnt." "I like them, +they're so funny." I turned over a page. "Look, here is she with a boy +who sold her watercresses, is not his prick a big one?" She looked +on silently, I heard her breathing hard. I turned over picture after +picture. Suddenly she knocked the book out of my hand to the other side +of the room. "I won't see such things," said she. "Won't you look at it +by yourself?" "If you leave it here I'll burn it." "No you won't, you'll +take it to bed with you." There I left the book lying, it was open and +the frontispiece showing. "Look at her legs," said I, for we could see +the picture as we sat on the sofa; and I began to kiss and tickle her +again. + +She shrieked, laughed, got away, and rushed to the door. I brought her +back, desisted from tickling and lewd talking, though I was getting +randier than ever. "Now have the garters,--let me put one round the +leg, just to see how it looks,--just half-way up the calf." After much +persuasion, after pulling up my trowsers, and showing how a garter +looked round my calf, she partly consented. "Promise me you won't tickle +me." I promised everything. + +I dropped on one knee, she sat on the sofa. "Put one foot on my leg." +She put one foot there, and carefully raised her clothes an inch or +two above the boot-top. "A little higher." She raised it holding her +petticoats tight round the leg, and I slipped the garter round it. "It's +too loose, raise a little more." "I won't any higher,--I can see how it +looks." "Won't they look nice when they are above the knee? and won't +your young man be pleased when he sees them there." "My young man won't +see them any more than you will." "Let me slip on the other." The same +process, the same care on her part. She bestowed all her care on the +limb I was gartering, lest I should slip the garter higher up. The +remainder of her clothes were loose round her other leg. Then I pushed +my hand up her clothes and herself back on the sofa, relinquishing the +leg I was gartering. + +Rapidly my hand felt thighs, hair, cunt, How wet! What is this which +catches my fingers?--what is it they are gliding between? With a yell +she pushed me away, and got up as I withdrew my fingers. She had a +napkin on, my fingers were stained red. "Oh, you beast," said she +bursting into tears. I caught hold of her, and began to tickle her; she +pushed me violently away, and escaping, rushed downstairs, slammed the +kitchen-door in my face, and locked herself in. I have been accustomed +to this behaviour on similar occasions. + +I stood outside begging pardon, talking baudiness, I tried to burst open +the door, and could not. I was not fond of poorliness in women, had a +keen nose, and oftentimes could smell a woman if poorly, even with her +clothes down; how it was I did not smell _her_, considering how near +my nose had been to her split and her breasts, I can't say, but suppose +randiness overcame my other senses. I played with my prick which was in +an inflammatory state, feeling it made me much randier, I called through +the door how I wanted to fuck her, how my prick was bursting, how +I would frig myself if she did not let me. "What a hard-hearted +girl,--I'll give you ten pounds to let me,--who will know it, but you +and me?" and a lot more; but it was of no use, and at length I went +upstairs, determining to wait, and thinking that in time she might +follow me. + +On the sofa I sat thinking of what I had done. There lay one garter, +I took it up, and rolled it round my pego. I rubbed the tip with it, +thinking it might be a spell. I took up _Fanny Hill_, got more excitedly +reading the book, looking at its salacious pictures, and feeling my +prick at the same time. Then the sense ol pleasure got beyond control, +and laying down the book on the floor just beneath me, where I could +see a baudy picture, I turned on my side on the sofa, and frigged till a +shower of spunk shot out. + +Then down I went. The door was still locked, my senses were calmed, but +I talked baudy, and offered her money without a reply; growing tired, +I bawled out, "I'm going,--you will let me in a day or two, and get the +ten pounds towards the new shop,--you won't be so unkind when I come +again." "I'll take good care never to let you in," said she. They were +the only words I could get out of her. I went upstairs, took a slip of +paper, and wrote on it, "I have wrapped the garter round my prick, it +is a charm. Directly you put it on I shall know, for my prick will +stiffen,--you will put it on I am sure; and directly my prick stiffens, +your cunt will long to have it up it, even if I am miles away. You will +put the garter on, for you can't help doing so,--I'm sure to fuck +you, neither you nor I could avoid it if we would. Why should we deny +ourselves the pleasure,--no one will know it, and you will be ten pounds +the richer." I wrote that or something nearly like it, and charmed with +my own wit, rubbed the garter over the top of my prick till I left the +smell on it, then laid it on the table over the paper I had written, and +went away, taking _Fanny Hill_ with me. + +It is a positive fact, that about two hours afterwards I had a violent +randy throbbing in my prick, and found out later on that just at that +very time she had put that garter on. + +(And now for the complete understanding of what follows, it must be +stated that the house was in plan nearly like that which I inhabited +when I had my beautiful servant Mary. Kitchens in the basement, two +parlours with folding doors between them, nearly always open; and rooms +back and front over the parlours; and that my absent friend did with +those rooms whilst absent at the seaside, what was not unusual with +people of their class in those days, lock most of them up, leaving only +sufficient for the servant, or caretaker, to inhabit.) + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + + "Fanny Hill" sent to Jenny.--My next visit.--Thunder, + lightning, sherry, and lust.--A chase round a table.--The + money taken.--Tickling and micturating.--A search for "Fanny + Hill".--A chase upstairs.--In the bed-room.--Thunder, funk, + and lewdness.--Intimidation and coaxing.--Over and under.--A + rapid spender.--Virginity doubtful.--Fears, tears, and + fucking. + +I waited a few days to ensure her poorliness being over. I had not left +her _Fanny Hill_, but why I cannot tell, for I knew how baudy books +excited a woman. The night before my next attack, I wrapped up the book, +directed it to her, gave a boy sixpence to deliver it, hid myself by a +lilac which was in the front-garden close to the road, and saw the boy +give it to her, and go off quickly as I had told him. It was just dark, +and too dark inside the passage of the house to see; for Jenny stepped +outside the house so as to get light, and stripped off the envelope. +I saw also that she opened the book, closed it, looked rapidly on both +sides, then stepped inside, and closed the door. I expect that her cunt +got hot enough that night. I saw her sister who slept with her nightly, +going through the front-garden soon afterwards, and Jenny open the door +for her. I had then moved off to a safe distance, the other side of the +road. + +Jenny was fond of finery, and I had heard the old lady of the house +declaiming about it. Her pleasure at the showy neckerchief and garters +was great, so I bought a pretty broach, and filling my purse with +sovereigns determined to have her at any cost, for my letch for her had +got violent. The next day I had a good luncheon, went to the house just +after her dinnertime, and took with me a bottle of sherry. I recollect +the morning well. It was a sultry day, reeking with moisture; it had +been thundering, the clouds were dark and threatening, the air charged +with electricity. Such a day makes all creation randy, and you may +see every monkey at the Zoological Gardens frigging or fucking. I was +resolute with lustful heat, the girl was I expected under the same +influence, and taking her as I did after a lazy meal, everything was +propitious to me. "How shall I get in?--if I knock she may not open; and +if she sees me go up the front-garden she won't open." But I had to try, +so walked up to the door, and gave one single loud tradesman's knock. + +There was a little porch and a shelter over the street-door. Standing +flat up against the door, so that I might be hidden from her sight if +peeping, I heard an upper window open. She looked out, but where I was +she could not see me. There was delay, so again I knocked, and soon the +door began to open, I pushed it and stepped in. The front-shutters on +the ground-floor to my wonder were closed. + +"Hoh! sir--you," said Jenny amazed, "what do you want?" I pushed the +door to, and caught hold of her. "I've come to have a chat and a kiss." +She struggled, but I got her tight, and kissed as a randy man then +kisses a woman, it is a magnetizing thing. "Oh! there it is again," +she cried as a loud thunder-clap was heard; "oh! let me go,--oh! it do +frighten me so." + +"Where are you going?" "Oh I into the parlour,--I've closed the +shutters." The girl was in a panic, and did not know what she said. The +parlour-door was open, the room nearly dark, which suited me. She went +just in, and then turned round to go out, but I pulled her to the sofa. +A flash of lightning showed even in the darkened room, the girl cowered +and hid her face with her hands. I took her round the waist. "Shut your +eyes, and lean your head against me." Mechanically she did, she was +utterly unnerved. I felt down with my right hand the form of her thighs +and haunches through her clothes. My prick began to stand, pulling +it out, and taking her near hand I put it round my prick just as the +thunder roared. She kept her hand unconsciously on it for a time, then +with a start took it away and jumped up. "Oh! it's wicked," said she, +"when God Almighty is so angry,"--and just as she got to the door a +terrific flash made her turn round again. I caught her, and sitting +down on a chair pulled her on to my knee; she hid at once her face on my +shoulder in terror. + +Coaxing and soothing, and exciting her, in her fear she listened at +times twitching and oh-ing. I was sorry I had touched her cunt the other +day I said. "Oh! now don't." "Feel my prick again,--do dear." "Let me +go,--you've no business here." Another flash came, I put my hand up her +clothes, the tip of my fingers just touched her quim. She struggled and +got away, and in doing so upset the chair which fell down and broke. +"Oh! now what will my Missus say!" said she. Then a screech, and she got +to the other side of the table. + +This went on a little longer, a gleam of sunshine came through the +shutters. Then she opened one shutter, and said if I did not go she +would open the window and call out. The light showed my pego, stiff, +red-tipped and ready. "Look what your feeling has done for this Jenny," +said I shaking my tooleywag at her. + +But her resoluteness daunted me, so I promised not to do so again. "Here +is some sherry that I was taking home to taste,--let's have a glass,--it +will do both of us good after this thunder,--you look white, and as if +you wanted a glass." I had got out of her on a previous day that +she liked sherry. "I'll go and get you a glass," said she. "No you +shan't,--you will lock the door," said I,--I know that was in her mind. +No she would not. "We will go together then." + +We did, and returning to the parlour under my most solemn promise +of good behaviour, down she sat, and we began drinking sherry. One +glass,--two, then another she swallowed. "No I dare not, it will get +into my head,--no more." "Nonsense,--after your fright it will do you +good." "Well half a glass." "Isn't it nice Jenny?" "It is." "Does not +your sweetheart give it you?" "At Christmas, but only one glass." The +sherry began to work. "Only another half-glass,"--and I poured it out +nearly full. Soon after I got up after filling my own, and standing +before her again filled up hers which she had sipped without her seeing +me. "Finish your glass dear." "No I can't,--it's making me so hot." +"Just another half-glass." "I won't." But she began to chatter and told +me again all about her young man, of their intending to open a grocer's +shop when they had two hundred pounds; that he had saved a certain sum, +and when he had a little more his father was to put fifty pounds to it. +She also had put money in the savings bank. I got closer to her, and +asked for a kiss. "Well I'll kiss you if you promise not to be rude +again." A kiss and a promise. She was one of the simplest and most open +girls I have ever met with, and once a half-feeling of remorse came over +me about my intentions, whilst she was talking on quite innocently about +her future; but my randy prick soon stopped that. + +"What nonsense dear, your young man won't know that I have felt your +thighs, and you my thing, nor any one else what we do,--I have +thought of nothing else since I touched you,--kiss;--now let me do it +again,--just feel it,--only where my hand's been before,--I swear I +won't put my hand up higher, just above your garters,--have you got +those garters on?" "No." "Oh! you have." "Well I have." "Let me just +see." "I shan't." "I'll give you a sovereign to let me." "Shan't." +I pulled out the sovereign, put it on the table and spite of her +resistance pulled up her clothes just high enough to see one garter; +then clutching her round the waist I pushed my hands up, and touched a +well-developed clitoris. She struggled, but I kept my hand there, kissed +her rapturously, and frigged her; her cap fell off in her struggle. "Oh +I--can't--bear--it--now--sir;--I don't--oh!--like it,--oh!" Then with a +violent effort she got my hand away, but I held her fast to me. + +"What a lovely smell your cunt has," said I putting the fingers just +withdrawn from her thighs up to my nose. I had always noticed that +nothing helps to make a woman more randy than that action; it seems +to overwhelm them with modest confusion; I have always done that +instinctively to a woman whom I was trying. + +"Oh! what a man,--oh! let me pick up my cap." Just then I noticed her +hair was short, and remarked it. She was annoyed, her vanity hurt, +turned her thoughts entirely. "Yes," she said, "I had a fever two years +ago,---but it's growing again." "Well it has grown enough on your cunt +dear,--did it fall off there?" "Oh! what a man!--oh! now what a shame!" +My hand was on her thighs again, and I managed another minute's frig, +and kept her close to me. + +The heat had become excessive. What with struggling, and the excitement, +sweat was on both our faces. Her thighs by her crack were as wet as if +she had pissed them, her backside began to wriggle with pleasure, which +I knew I was giving her; but again with a violent effort she freed +herself from me, and as I put my hand to my nose she violently pulled it +away. The sherry was upsetting her wisdom. + +"There is the sovereign," said I as she stood looking at me, "that will +help you." "Don't want it." Seeing where her pocket-hole was I pushed +it into it. "Oh! what a lucky sovereign, to lay so close to your cunt +Jenny,"--and pushing my hand into her pocket I touched the bottom of her +belly through the linen. Again a struggle, a repulse, then she put her +hand into her pocket. "You're feeling your cunt Jenny," said I. "O--oh!" +said she taking it out quickly, "I was feeling for the money,--I won't +have it." + +Then I kissed her till the sweat ran off my face on to hers. "Oh! my +goodness," said she as it grew darker, "it's going to thunder again." +"Have another glass." "No it's gone into my head already." But she took +a gulp of mine. "Let's fuck you Jenny dear." "What?" "Fuck." "Shan't." +"Oh! you know what I mean." "No I don't, but it's something bad if it's +from you." I pulled out my prick, and tried to push her on the sofa. +She got away, and then with my prick out I chased her round the table. +"Leave off," said she, "a joke's a joke, but this is going too far." +She was getting lewd, and was staring at my prick which showed above the +table as I chased her. Quick as me she managed to keep just on the side +of it opposite to me. + +"I'll swear I won't touch you again if you will sit down." "I won't +trust you,--you've been swearing all the afternoon." "So help me God I +will," said I, and meant it. "Well then not when you are like that." I +pushed my prick inside my trowsers, and then she sat down. What a +long time this takes to tell, what repetition! but there are not many +incidents I recollect more clearly. + +Then I took out ten sovereigns, all bright, new ones, laid them on the +table, and then the broach. "Do you like that Jenny?" "Yes." "It is for +you if you will let me, and those ten sovereigns also." "You are a bad +man," said the girl, "and would make me forget myself and be ruined, +and without caring a bit,"--and she began rocking her head about, and +rolling her body as she sat beside me, and looking at the money. "Who +will know?--you won't tell your young man,--I shan't tell my wife,--let +me." "I shan't,--never,--never,--never,--never, if it was fifty pounds," +said she almost furiously. "He won't find it out." "Yes he would." +"Nonsense,--half the servants do it, yet marry,"--and then I told her of +some I had who had married. "No,--no,--no," she kept repeating, almost +bawling it out, as I told of Mary So-and-so who married a butler, and +Sarah So-and-so who married my greengrocer, though I'd fucked them over +and over again. "No,--no," looking at the money; then suddenly she took +up the broach, and laid it down again. + +Before running round the table after her, I had thrown off my coat and +waistcoat. "It's so hot, I've a good mind to take off my trowsers," I +had said; but I had another motive. She seemed weaker, and was so, +for gradually she had got inflamed and lewd by heat, the electrical +condition of the atmosphere, the titillation of my finger on her seat of +pleasure, and the sight of my stiff penis. She had I expect, got to +that weak, yielding, voluptuous condition of mind and body, when a woman +knows she is wrong, yet cannot make up her mind to resist. Just then it +came into my mind to tickle her; and then followed a scene which is one +of the most amusing in my reminiscences. + +She shrieked, and wriggled down on to the floor. I tried to mount her +there. She kicked, fought, so that though once my prick touched her +cunt-wig, I could not keep on the saddle. She forgot all propriety in +her fuddled excitement, and whilst screaching from my tickling, repeated +incoherently baudy words as I uttered them. "Let me fuck you." "You +shan't fuck me." "Let's put it just to your cunt." "You shan't,--you're +a blackguard,--oh! don't,--leave me alone,--wee I will feel it, +if you'll let me get up,--oh!--he! hi! hi!--for God's sake don't +tickle,--hi!--I shall go mad,--you shan't,--oh! don't,--oh I if you +don't leave off." "I shall,--I must." "Oh! pray,--you shall if you leave +off tickling then,--oh! don't pray,--oh! I shall piddle myself,--he! +he!" She was rolling on the floor, her thighs exposed, sometimes +backside, sometimes belly upwards with all its trimmings visible. "Oh! +it's your fault," and as she spoke actually piddle began to issue. I had +my hand on her thigh, and felt and saw it. + +Randy as I was I burst out laughing; and she man-aged to get up, began +to push in her neckerchief which I had torn out of the front of her +dress, and arranged her hair. + +"Oh! look at me,--if any one came, what a state I am in," said she +looking in the glass, and there she stood her breast heaving, her eyes +swollen, her mouth open, and breathing as if she had just run a mile, +but attempting nothing, saying nothing further, awaiting my attack. What +randy, pleasureable excitement she must have been in, though unconscious +of it, whilst only thinking of how to prevent my fucking her against her +will. + +"You began piddling." "Didn't." "I felt the piddle on my hand." She made +no reply, but passed on, and wiped her face. When I said more she merely +tossed her head. "Don't be a fool Jenny,--let us,--you want it as bad +as me." Then I rattled out my whole baudy vocabulary, "prick," "cunt," +"fuck," "spunk," "pleasure," "belly to belly," "my balls over your +arse," "let my stiff prick stretch your cunt,"--everything which could +excite a woman; to all of which she merely said, "Oho!--oh!" and tossed +her head, and never took her staring eyes off me, nor ceased swabbing up +her perspiring face, and at the same time looking at my throbbing, rigid +cunt-stretcher. + +Finding she took to yelling, and even hitting me, I desisted a moment. +"Where is the book I sent you last night?" I had till then forgotten +it. That opened her mouth. "Have not had a book." "I saw the boy give +it you, and you open it." "He didn't." "He did." "I burnt it,--a nasty +thing,--I would not let my sister see it." An angry feeling came over +me for the moment, for I thought it probable, and should have had +difficulty in replacing it. Then came an inspiration to help me,--a man +always gets somehow on the right track to get into a woman if he has +opportunity. Nature wills it. The woman was made to be fucked, and the +sooner for them, the better for them. + +"You have not burnt it,--I'll bet it's in your bedroom,--in your box." +"It isn't." "I'll swear it's there,--you have been reading it all +night,--I'll go up and see." She started as if electrified into life as +I made for the door. She got there before me, and stood before me. "You +shan't go,--you've no business up there,--I've burnt it,--it's not +there." "It's in the kitchen then." "No, I've burnt it," she went on +rapidly and confusedly. "I'll go and see," said I pulling her from +the door, she screeching out, "No you shan't go up,--that you +shan't,--you've no business there." Then I pulled up her clothes to her +belly, she got them down, but still she kept her back to the door. +I kept pulling her till her cap was off again, and felt sure she was +getting weaker and weaker. + +Then she turned round suddenly, opened the door, and ran up the stairs +rapidly like a lapwing, I after her. Once she turned round, "You shan't +come up," said she, and tried to push me back; and then again on she +went, I following. I stumbled, that gave her a few steps ahead; I sprang +up three steps at a time, recovered the lost distance, and just as she +got into the bed-room, and slammed the door to, I put my foot in it,--it +hurt me much. "Damn it, how you hurt my foot,--I will come in"--and +pushing the door my strength prevailed; the door flew open, I saw her +running round the bed, and there on the very pillow of the unmade bed +lay _Fanny Hill_, open at one of the pictures. I threw myself across +the bed, and clutched the book. She then stood motionless, panting and +staring at me, she had clutched at it, and failed just as I caught it. +She would have got it, but for having to go round the bed. + +I laughed. "Have you not had a treat Jenny dear!" Her face was a picture +of confusion. I was stretched half across the bed, and now went right +across. Then to escape me she ran away, and had nearly reached the door +when throwing myself over the bed again, I grasped her petticoats under +her arse, and managed to pull her back. "Damned if I don't fuck you," +said I, "by God I'll shove my prick up your cunt if I'm hanged for +it,"--and pushing a hand up behind I clasped her naked buttocks. She +turned round, I pulled her petticoats clean up, she yelling, struggling, +panting, imploring. I dropped on my knees, kissed her belly, and buried +my nose between her thighs. The petticoats dropped over my head, her +belly kept bumping up against my nose and lips, which were covered with +her cunt-moisture. + +I rose up, pushed and rolled her against the bed, my hand still up her +clothes. "Oh! don't, don't now,--you are a great gentleman they say, +and ought to think of a poor girl's ruin,--oh! if it was found out I +should be ruined." "It won't darling." I had got my fingers well over +the whole slit. "Pray don't,--well I'll kiss you,--there." "Feel it." +"Will you let me get up if I do?" "Yes." "There then," and she felt me. + +"Oh! I must fuck you." "Oh! pray don't,--oh! let me go now, and I'll +let you another day,--I will indeed sir,--oh! you hurt,--don't push your +fingers like that." "Kiss me my darling." "You shan't." "There there." +Another struggle. "Oh! I can't--be--bear it." Her arse began to twist +again, her head sank on my shoulder, her thighs opened; then with a +start, "Oh! my God it's lightning (it began to thunder and lighten +badly),--oh! I'm so frightened,--oh! don't,--another day,--it's wicked +when it's lightning so,--oh! God almighty will strike us dead if you are +so wicked,--oh! let me go into the dark,--oh! don't,--I can't--be--bear +it." Her arse was shaking with my groping and frigging. + +"Now don't be a fool,--damned if I don't murder you if you are not +quiet!" "Oh! oh!" I had got her somehow on to the bed, she was helpless; +with fear, liquor, and cunt-heat. I threw myself on to her. A feel +between thighs reeking with sweat, with her cunt in a lather, with the +sweat dropping in great drops from my face, with sweat running down +my belly on to my prick and my balls; I shoved. One loud "aha!" and my +prick-tip was up against her womb-door. A mighty straight thrust; and +the virginity was gone at that one effort. + +Right up there with but a shove or two as far as I recollect, and +without trouble, my sperm spouted directly my tool rubbed through the +wet, warm cunt-muscles. Then I came to my senses; where was I? has she +let me, or had I forced her violently. + +She laid quietly under me with closed eyes and open mouth, panting; I +was upon her, up her, pressing heavily upon her rather than holding her; +then thrusting my hands under her fat bottom I recommenced thrusting and +fucking. She lay still, in the enjoyment of a lubricated cunt, distended +by a stiff, hot prick. Soon she was sensitive to my movements, her cunt +constricted, a visible pleasure overtook her, her frame began to quiver, +and the soft murmurs of spermatic effusion came from her lips. She +spent. On I went driving as if I meant to send my prick into her womb, +fell into a half dreaminess, and became conscious of a great wetness +on my ballocks; it was her discharge more than mine, the most copious I +recollect, excepting from one woman. Then I dropped off on her side. She +lay still as death, the thunder rolled over us unheeded by her in the +delirious excitement and delight of her first fuck. + +She turned on her side slightly, her thighs and backside were naked, she +hid her face, and shuddered at the thunder unheeding her nakedness, then +buried her face in a pillow, and so we both dozed for a minute or two. +Her backside was still naked, when I looked at her in all ways as she +lay, and saw traces of sperm on her thighs and chemise. A little lay on +the bed, but no trace of red, no signs of a bloody rupture of a virgin +cunt. My shirt and drawers were spermed, but had not a trace of blood. +The light fell full on her backside, I could see lightish brown hair +in the crack of the parting of her buttocks; a smear of shit on +her chemise. Her flesh was beautifully white. She had on nice white +stockings, and the flashy garters; she dad a tolerable quantity of hair +on her quim on the belly side. I sat at the side of the bed, got off +boots, trousers, and drawers; then laying down gently inserted my +longest finger and delicately began rubbing her clitoris which I could +see protruding of a fine crimson color. Then she moved; she was not +asleep, but dazed by the fuck, fear of the lightning, the excitement, +the heat, and the fumes of the wine combined. + +She stared at me, pulled down her clothes, and tears began to run down +her cheeks. What a lot of women I have had cry at such times "Don't cry +my darling." She turned on to her face, and hid it. For a quarter of an +hour, I talked, but she did not answer. I told her she had spent, that +I knew she had had pleasure. Then I pushed my fingers up her cunt; still +she did not speak, but let me do just what I liked, keeping her eyes +shut. So soon as my rammer was up to the mark, up her it went fucking, +and again I felt it's stem well wetted. She was a regular streaming +spunker. + +After that, "I am going downstairs," said she. "I'll come." "No don't." +"You only want to piddle." "Yes," said she faintly. "Piddle here,--what +will it matter?" "I can't." "I'll go out if you won't bolt the door." +"It's no good bolting the door,--you have ruined me." I went outside, +closed the door, and heard the rattle in the pot. When I re-entered she +was sitting at the side of the bed crying quietly; she did nothing but +look at me, but without speaking. "Arrange yourself in case any one +comes to the door." "No one will come." "The milkman?" "He will put it +down inside the porch." She sat down the picture of despair. Never had +I felt more lewd, I was mad that day with lewdness. "Let's feel your +cunt," said I. "I have spent in it three times." "I don't care what you +do, you may do what you like,--it's of no consequence." I felt up her +cunt, she hung her head over my shoulders whilst I paddled my fingers in +the wet. "Don't hurt me," said she. "I have not hurt you." + +"Yes you have." "Let's look." That roused her. "Oh! no,--no,--no,--you +shan't." "Wash your cunt" I fetched the sherry, but she had not washed +her cunt. "You should wash it out." "Oh?--oh!" said she, "if I should be +with child I shall never be married." + +She drank more sherry, and promised to wash. Then I went downstairs, +fetched up the broach and the ten sovereigns, and gave them to her. "How +shall I say I got it?" "Does he know how much you have saved?" "Yes." +"Is it a year's wages?" "Yes,"--and she began to cry again. "What shall +I say about the broach?" "That you bought it,--let's lay down and talk." +She yielded instantly, I threw up her clothes, she pushed them down. +Then I lay feeling her quim, and got out her bubbies, she submitted, +laying with her eyes closed, till my rubbing on her clitoris made her +sigh. Then up her, I felt her wetting my prick-stem, and shot my sperm +into her at that intimation of her pleasure. + +It was about seven o'clock, I had been nearly five hours at my +amusements, and was tired; but had that day an irrepressable prick. It +began to stiffen almost directly it left her cunt. I went down with her +to tea, there I pulled her on to my lap, and we began to look at _Fanny +Hill_. I could not get a word out of her, but she looked intently at the +pictures. I explained their salacity. "Hold the book dear, and turn over +as I tell you." Then I put my fingers on her cunt again. How sensitive +she was. "Let's come upstairs." "No," said she, reluctantly, but up +we went, and fucked again. Then she groaned, "Oh! pray leave off,--I'm +almost dead,--I shall have one of my fainting fits." "Lay still darling, +I shall come soon,"--but it was twenty minutes hard grinding before my +sperm rose. + +Then she laid motionless and white through nervous exhaustion, +excitement, and loss of her spermatic liquid, which I kept fetching and +fetching in my long grinding. She told me afterwards that she could +not tell how often she spent. I had never been randier or stronger, nor +enjoyed the first of a woman more. + +She was a most extraordinary girl. After the first fuck she was like +a well-broken horse; she obeyed me in everything, blushed, was modest, +humbled, indifferent, conquered, submissive; but I could get no +conversation out of her excepting what I have narrated. She cried every +ten minutes, and looked at me. After each fuck she laid with her eyes +closed, and mouth open, and turned on her side directly, putting her +hand over her quim, and pulling her clothes just over her buttocks. +Then after I had recovered and began to talk, a tear would roll down her +cheek. + +About nine o'clock she said. "Do go, my sister will be here,--and the +bed wants making." At the door I put her against the wall and rubbed +as well as I could my flabby cock between her cunt-lips. She made no +resistance. "We'll fuck again to-morrow Jenny." "I'll never let you +again," said she, "for you shan't come in,"--and she shut the door on me +with a slam. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX. + + My soiled shirt.--Jenny's account of herself.--Fucking and + funking.--Poor John!---Of her pudenda.--It's + sensitiveness.--Erotic chat.--Startled by a caller.--Her + married sister's unsatisfied cunt.--How she prevented having + children.--Doubts her husband's fidelity.--Jenny taught the + use of a French letter.--Hickery-pickery, and catamenial + irregularities. + +When I got home I looked at my linen; never had it been in such a mess +after female embraces. I had taken no care about it, it was be-spunked +in an unusual degree, and lots of thinnish stains were on the tail which +made me think that one or both of us must have spent copiously. Then I +recollected that Jenny's cunt seemed very wet to me when I felt it after +I had spermatized her. There were no signs of blood, and taking stock of +the sensations I had experienced, "Jenny has had it before," I said +to myself. Then came a fear that her discharge was from a clap, but I +dismissed that from my mind. I had only once had the clap from a woman +not gay. + +So I washed the tail of my shirt, laid it under my arse to dry, gave it +a natural stain of piss, and went to bed reflecting and wondering who +had first penetrated Jenny's privates. + +A day or two afterwards I went to see her and shammed a knock. She +opened the door. "Oh!" she exclaimed as I entered, "now you shan't,--you +shan't again." "I shan't what my dear?" "I know why you came here,--but +you shan't." "I want a chat,---don't be foolish,--come here,--I won't do +anything,--I don't want anything,--but come here." + +I got her into the parlour, and on to the sofa, then talked, then got +baudy. "Do just let me feel your thighs,--what harm can it do when +I have been between them." "No". "Just a feel,--there I won't put my +finger further,--oh! Jenny you like my finger,--be quiet dear,--just let +me feel it." Half an hour after she had said, "Now you shan't," my prick +was in her. No woman can refuse the cock which has once stretched her +cunt, she is at its mercy. We spent another afternoon in talking and +fucking, and she partly in crying and bemoaning her evil deeds. + +I had not only opened her cunt, but opened her heart and mouth at the +same time. She was the funniest, frankest little woman I ever knew. She +told me all her past life, her future expectations, asked my advice, +deplored her wickedness to her young man, and all in an hour. She spoke +the same incessantly afterwards. In a fortnight I knew everything about +her from her birth, and about all her family; it was as if for the +first time in her life she had had a confident. + +"What shall I do with your money?" "Put it with the rest." "But he knows +what I've got,--we always tell each other." "Keep it to get a good stock +of clothes before you are married." "But he knows all about my clothes." +"Put it in a little at a time, or don't tell him till you are married; +then say you kept him in ignorance for a pleasant surprise, or tell him +nothing at all about it,--you will have more than that." "I don't want +your money, I fear it will bring me harm." + +"Well give it back to me Jenny." But Jenny did not seem to see the +advantage of that; so she kept it, and had more besides in time. + +"What will become of me and poor John?--he'd die if he knew how ill +I behave to him,--now don't,--you do upset a body so a talking, and +putting your fingers there,--oh! leave me alone,--no no more." "Once +more dear,--how hot your little cunt is,--it's longing for a prick." "Oh +I take care of my cap, you will tear it,--I'll take it off." "What a +fat backside you've got Jenny,--how wet your cunt is,--shove, shove, +fuck,--where is my prick Jenny now?" But Jenny became speechless always +after three cock-shoves, and began moistening the intruder with all her +cunt-power. + +After fucking she was tranquil for a time; sperm seemed to soothe her, +but then she had funks. "Oh I dear what have you made me do? oh! if I am +in the family way!--oh! if he finds it out, he won't marry me! and he is +such a good young man, and so fond of me,--o--o---ho--ho!--I've behaved +very bad to him,--and I didn't mean,--oho!--it's all your fault, oho! +--I didn't know what I was about,--I never do when it lightens,--oho! Do +you think he will find it out when we are married?" she would ask in +her calmer moments, after she had cried herself out. This scene occurred +every day I fucked her for a time, then less frequently. + +I tried to comfort her, told facts, and many inventions of my own, of +how I had had women, who afterwards married and whose husbands had never +known that they had been broached. + +"Is it true really!--oh! do tell me the truth,--if he finds it out I +will drown myself, I'm sure he will,--it's all your fault,--you must be +a bad man to take advantage of a poor girl in the house alone." "But if +you're not in the family way, he can't find out until you are married, +and then it will be too late. You won't tell him, and your cunt can't +speak." "Oh! sir you do say such funny things." + +This went on for weeks. "Oh! it's my time, and it's not come on." Then +with joy, "Oh! I'm all right, but you can't do anything to-day,--oh! if +my Mistress should find out, or if my sister should come home and catch +you here,--oh! if the next-door neighbours should see you come here so +often, and tell my Mistress." One or another of these fears was always +upon her, but did not prevent our fucking. At that time Sarah was away, +and Louisa Fisher still ill, so Jenny had all my essence; and later on +as much as Louisa and Sarah spared me. As to my home, I had pretty well +done with fucking there. + +Jenny's cunt was well-haired, and had rather large inner lips; not so +large as I have seen in many women, but larger than I liked. Her tube +was easy. What a fight I had when first I saw it. "I won't be pulled +about like that,--no it's shameful." "I dare say your John has seen it." +That always sent her off howling, and when she had subsided she let me +do as I liked. "It's a nasty thing to pull me about like that." But +it came soon to the old world-wide habit: a feel and a look before the +entry. The same woman who won't let you see the bottom of her belly at +first, will hold her cunt open for your inspection in a month. It +is breaking in a woman to baudiness which is the happiness of the +honeymoon, not the hard burst through a bit of gristle. + +It had weighted on my mind ever since I had had her, and about three +weeks afterwards I told her my doubts of her then being a virgin. +She swore that no man had even put his hands on it till I did. "Am +I different from other woman?" She was indignant at the doubt, and +honestly and truly I believe. A schoolfellow used to look at her quim, +she at her schoolfellow's, she always thought hers was the most open of +the two, she always could put her finger up easily, "but you did hurt me +through, though I did not bleed. My sister says she did bleed a little +when she first had her husband,"--and Jenny now described her sister's +first night, and her sister's form, and rather wetted my lust for her +sister. + +I came to the conclusion that she was born loose at her inlet, or had +broken through the cover when quite young, and that no prick had +rubbed her but mine; but her organ was a peculiar one in it's habit of +distilling its liquids. + +I have told how my shirt was stained at first, and soon found that Jenny +was one of those women who spend rapidly, frequently, and copiously. I +have met I think two like her in my career, to the time I correct this. + +On the second day's poking I noticed this and became fully aware of it +afterwards. When I put my prick up her, and began my movements; a +shiver and a sigh escaped her almost directly, her bum gave a heave, +a discharge came from her, and if I pulled my prick out then, it was +perfectly wet. It used in fact to run out a little, and if pushing one +hand well under her arse (which was not so easy, for she had a fine +backside), I felt the root of my prick, or rather the end of the stem, +I could feel her moisture running down one of her bum-cheeks, or +between them. That over by the time I spent we usually discharged +simultaneously. Her voluptuousness was greater when we spent together, +than on her preliminary discharge. She said she could not account for +it, but that a delicious sensation crept over her the moment the prick +entered; that her cunt tightened and seemed to wet itself copiously; +that her spend at the climax was longer, more thrilling, voluptuous, +satisfying, and exhausting; that when our spunks had mingled her whole +body was satisfied; but that her first spend seemed only to confine its +pleasure to her cunt. It is difficult to describe these sensations. + +I frigged her several times, and got a copious discharge from her, thin, +milky, and barely sticky, yet it left a strong stain on linen. She was +astonished when I told her of her peculiarity. Perhaps she wondered what +her poor John would think of it. I can't say I altogether admired her +wetness; I took a dislike to a tall thin girl who was much of the same +sort as Jenny, but that girl was quite slippy-cunted, though not with +the whites. This was since. + +(Another woman who had this sensitive and sensuous [for it was both] +organization, was the sister of an intimate friend, and whom I have +fucked since the above was written. I don't know that I shall say +anything more about the lady, so tell of her cuntal peculiarity here. +She was plump, fair-faced, had a fine complexion, and in face strongly +resembled the queen. She was to be married.) + +When her young man came to town, and Jenny went out with him, the girl +upbraided herself. When I next saw her after his visit she felt herself +a deceiving wretch, and cried. Now would I please desist, and not make +her sin any more. But the persuasion was too great, the recollection of +her pleasure too strong, and never did I go away without having plugged +her. + +Did she love her young man? Yes she supposed she did; he was kind, +attentive, and would make a good husband. She wanted to get married, to +have a home of her own; besides he was not a workman, but a tradesman, +and when married they would have a shop, and be in a higher position. +She always spoke more of the house and shop, and her liberty, than of +her young man. + +She was of a highly nervous organization, and through me she was to be +shocked severely. She half fainted the first day I took liberties with +her, thunder and lightning gave her an inclination that way, twice +afterwards she nearly fainted, any sudden thing annoyed her and turned +her white. One occasion I'll tell of now, the other in due course. + +We fucked on the sofa after the first day; but though large, it was not +like a bed, so afterwards we used to go to her bed-room. I used to leave +my hat and stick downstairs, so that in case of surprise I might stand +in the hall, and say I had called to enquire. It was a stupid thing to +do as I found out, and then I used to take it into the bed-room. I had +fucked her one afternoon, when a double knock came at the street-door, I +knew it. "It's my wife," I said. Down I rushed for my hat, and returned +to the bed-room; and then Jenny opened the door. She had called to make +some enquiry, and went away. I heard the door close, but no further +noise or movement, then crept downstairs. + +There sat Jenny on a chair, just recovering from a half faint. "Oh!" +said she, "I nearly dropped down." "Ah! she would have knocked you down +my dear, if your cunt could have spoken and said what was inside it." +But Jenny never could joke. It was always dreadful, and she was to be +punished in some way for her evil deeds with me. A few tears, and then a +little baudy chaffing brought smiles again on her face. + +I delighted in talking baudy to her, told her smutty stories about the +women I had had, described their charms, and any special lasciviousness +connected with them. Her astonishment was great; her curiosity intense; +she in return told me all she knew about every other woman, and all her +own little baudy doings. Never was a woman so frank about such matters. +When I left her I doubt whether her dear John could have told her half +what she could have told him about fucking, and the two articles that +copulation is done with. + +Her talk was all about her sisters, and principally of the married one +who came to sleep with her; a woman about twenty-eight years of age, +who had been married some years, and had two children, the last one four +years old. She, or rather he, did not mean to have any more, they could +not afford to keep them. "How did they stop it?" I asked Jenny. She did +not know. But one night the sister wanted particularly to sleep at home, +and had asked Jenny if for once she would sleep in the house alone. She +consented though frightened. I proposed sleeping with her, and we passed +a very delicious night together: a man and woman fresh to each +other, always do in bed. What a night of feeling, frigging, sniffing, +inspecting, and fucking it was! + +At all times, no matter what we began talking about, cunt and cock were +sure to become the subject. That night I learned that her sister had +slept away, expecting to catch her husband out in some infidelities. +Since he had determined to have no more children, he made her frig him +instead of fucking; so the sister went short of cock and had to frig +herself. That annoyed her. Then when he fucked her he did not do it +properly, he cheated her sister, Jenny said. I was a long time in +getting out of Jenny what the man did, at length she said, that just +as the stuff was coming, he pulled it out, and it went all over her +sister's thighs or her belly, and often before she had had her own +pleasure. Her sister thought it was just as well not to be married, as +to go on like that. + +That was not all. He used at first to do it every night, and now not +once a week, said he could do without it, that he did not care about +it, and so on. She believed that he had other women, and that was more +aggravating because she wanted it herself more than ever. She was not +so well, she told Jenny for want of fucking, she liked it, and would +willingly have more children though she was so poor. I asked cautiously +if she had heard of the skins which people put over their pricks, and +into which they spent their seed? Jenny had not. I explained what they +where. She said she would ask her sister about it. I cautioned her about +showing that she knew too much. A few days afterwards Jenny told me her +sister had tried them, but they did not like them, besides they could +not afford them. What Jenny's sister paid for French letters I don't +know, I used to pay nine pence each. I fucked Jenny with one on just to +instruct her. + +These two women talked often about such matters; and each day Jenny told +me what her sister had said. Soon I knew all about her sister's doings, +from the night she lost her virginity to the birth of her last child. +The little fucking that the sister had, and her longing for more +affected me considerably; I quite longed to see this hot-bummed, +cunt-neglected wife, and soon my curiosity was to be gratified in a way +I little expected. + +Jenny and I settled down quite matrimonially, I saw her certainly four +days a week, or else every day excepting Sundays. At times I spent the +whole day there, took wine, and meat, and newspapers. She cooked, and +very badly. We ate and drank together, and fucked, she cried about John +and her wickedness, and her fears of being found out. Then I read to her +the news, and also every baudy book I could get hold of, and explained +to her every use that could be made of our tools, both male and female, +from flat-cocking to buggery, so far as I knew,--but I did not know so +much as I do now. + +To prevent its being known I was there, we got quite cunning. I was not +to come at eleven o'clock, because then the butcher came; nor at twelve, +because the girls were always at the window next door; between one and +two o'clock I was safe, because the family was always at dinner at that +time; at three the milkman came, and I avoided him. So with a little +trouble I pretty well escaped observation, during the eight or ten weeks +which I did husband duty, and perhaps as much as some two husbands would +have done. + +Once she was awfully uneasy, for her courses had not come on, and shed +flood of tears. She would lose her John, poor fellow! When in that +way she was always pitying him, but she was always irregular in her +menstruation, which rendered it difficult to judge of her condition. Oh! +she was sure she was now in the family way, she had symptoms; she had +asked her sister how she had felt when she had conceived, and her own +symptoms were the same. "My God what shall I do!--I'll drown myself, +I will,--I shall never be able to face him,--poor fellow!" "Go and +get something, go and see some one." She went, took a dose of what she +called "hikery-pikery," and the ugly red stream came on. I don't believe +she was in the family way. Years after I heard she had never had a +child, though long married. + + + + +CHAPTER XX. + + A Saturday afternoon.--Copulation interrupted.--Retreat cut + off.--Under the bed.--Enter sister.--The new dress.--Heat + and sweat.--Undressing.--Jenny's anxiety.--Sweating much, + and stripping.--Nature in its simplicity.--Nature in its + vulgarity.--Delicious peeps.--A cunt near my nose.--Erotic + recklessness.--Fist-fucking. + +And now I was to become acquainted with her sister,--the married one. +Jenny had no brother, had none of that knowledge about boy's cocks which +girls of the humbler classes have when they have brothers. I sometimes +think that boys in the humbler classes show their cocks to their +sisters; I don't recollect a girl I have fucked who did not say she had +seen her brother's cock. + +My knowledge of her sister's dissatisfaction with the small amount of +fucking she got, her disappointment at having her husband's sperm on +her thighs instead of up her cunt, and her very reasonable fears that at +times it went into other receptacles besides her own, came forcibly to +my mind. It would have been odd if it had not, for every time I poked +Jenny we talked about her sister, indeed all our talk, unless about her +sweetheart, and her fears was about fucking. I don't recollect any woman +I have had who was so anxious to know all, and delighted to hear of my +amours, and the descriptions I gave of my various women. If I described +their cunts she was amused beyond measure; and to tell all this suited +me exactly. For all that she thought it wicked, and that they and I, and +she, would be punished by the Almighty (her ideas about the action of +Providence were peculiar). + +It was the good fortune of her married sister to give me one of the most +laughable, but yet natural, salacious, voluptuous treats I ever had, +without her knowing she had done so,--and from that came consequences +which affected that lady herself. + +I have always been highly delighted to see modest women naked or +undress, or doing their toilet and little affairs, when they had no idea +that any one saw them. I have looked through dozens of key-holes, bored +holes in doors, waited breathless and half-naked for hours at night, +have risen by day-light to enable me to get these treats. I had seen as +already said, the cunts of my aunt and cousins, young ladies and others +bathing, etc. (and as I shall tell of, have since seen a noble lady frig +herself.) I have seen in fact modest ladies at their most decent, as +well as the most indelicate of their toilet performances, and think +I prefer looking at them under such circumstances, rather than at the +beautiful voluptuous creatures who undress willingly in my presence, for +those are so intent on displaying their charms to the best advantage, to +get a male erection and its crisis, as soon as possible, make much too +evident what they do it for. + +Jenny's sister gave me one of those natural displays. Had the lady been +drilled in the art of unfolding her charms for the excitement of a male, +and driving him into erotic fury, she could not have more effectually +done so. Of the many displays of female charms (of modest females) +I have seen, I never had one so gradual, natural, voluptuous, and +cock-stiffening, as she unconsciously gave me. + +I called on Jenny one Saturday afternoon, she had said I had better go +quite early, but I did not. It was another sultry day, thunder had been +heard, the atmosphere was heavy, but no rain had fallen; and the sun was +bright and blazing hot. Said Jenny, "I'm frightened to let you stop, my +sister is going to leave off work early, and she will be here about five +o'clock,--don't come in." I would. "We shan't be half-an-hour,--it's +not half-past three." A kiss, and a twiddle on her cunt settled the +matter, and we went to her bed-room. She was on the bed, I between her +thighs, ready to drop into her, indeed I'm not sure that my prick had +not touched her cunt, when a knock and a ring came at the street-door. + +To fully understand what follows it should be known that the old lady +my friend, for fear that the rooms should be used; had locked up all the +rooms but the parlours and a little closet overlooking the street, and +the servants' bed-room, and had taken away the keys. I did not know that +then, I knew it that day. + +"Oh! my God it's my sister,--what shall I do?--I shall be ruined." Pale +as death, I thought she was going to faint again. + +"Don't be nervous, I'll go and hide in the room below, and when she is +downstairs or up here, go out quietly, and leave the street-door ajar." +"Oh! all the rooms are locked up." "I'll go into the parlours then, +--you get her downstairs." "Oh! she always goes into the parlour first, +and sits down a minute, and talks." There was no time for us to talk, +more, for the woman knocked again. "Fetch my hat and stick (it was in +the parlour),--you get her into the kitchen, then I'll slip out leaving +the street-door ajar." Down we both went, three stairs at a time, up +I went again with hat and umbrella, and had only got to the top when +I heard poor trembling Jenny opening the street-door. I leant over the +banisters, and listened. + +"I've knocked twice Jenny." "Did you?--I was dozing,--the thundery +weather makes me so queer.--Have a cup of tea, and take a table out +into the garden,--it will be fresher there to have tea." + +"No I've got my new dress, it will rumple it if it's long in the bundle, +I must open it. Such a pretty one,--you will like it I think.--Tom did +when I showed him the pattern,--I'll take it up to the bed-room, and +hang it up." + +Jenny's voice rose almost to a shriek. "Oh! no, no, don't,--come and +have tea first,--I'm so thirsty, so tired,--come downstairs." "Well you +go and make it, I'll only just hang it up in the bed-room, and come down +directly," said her sister. + +Jenny objecting, the sister answered angrily, "What are you in such a +hurry for tea for?--it's not time,--well have it by yourself, I can't +drink it,--I had a lot of beer at dinner, and Tom gave me nearly a pint +before I left him,--it was so hot, I was so thirsty,--it's on my chest +now,--I can't put tea on the top of it yet." "Well if you won't, I may +as well go up with you," said Jenny. Footsteps came nearer, and hat, +stick, and self, I threw under the bed. Jenny came in looking like +death. "She won't find me here,--get her down soon," was all I had time +to say in a whisper before the sister following Jenny entered the room. +I had quite hidden myself. + +The bed had been a good one, the old gentleman and lady had slept on it +for years; it was large and handsome, but being shabby and worn out, had +that very month only been put to servants' use. Round it were old red +valances hanging to the floor, things not given to servants. No sooner +was I under the bed, than I saw there were little openings at the seams, +and some moth-holes, which permitted me to see through them. At one spot +near to my shoulder as I lay crouching and doubled up, was a long slit +where the valance had been torn down. By raising myself on my elbow, +and squeezing my head against the mattress I could see perfectly, but +no person in the room would have noticed me, even though the room was as +bright as day, for the thick red hangings hid me in darkness under the +bed, and I was on the side away from the window. I gazed earnestly at +Jenny's sister through this opening and others. + +She was a well-grown, strong woman, with a handsome round face, and dark +hair and eyes; she had shortish petticoats, and thickish ankles in good +lace-up boots which, made much noise as she walked about. She had a +huge paper parcel in her hands, which she placed on the bed; then for a +moment she rested her bum on the bed-side, and Jenny did the same by the +side of her. The parcel was between them, her ankles were within a few +inches of my nose; I gently lifted the valance, and saw up the calf of +her legs, her petticoats cut as they were in those days, being drawn up +by sitting down. I remember almost every word, every action which took +place on that memorable afternoon, and not a movement escaped me. + +"I can't untie it,--cut it." "The scissors are downstairs." "I'll go and +fetch them." "Oh! no,--where is the knife that I cut my corns with?" "Oh +I never mind,--there, I've done it,--I've broken it,"--and she rose up +as did Jenny from the bed, and both now stood standing facing the side +of the bed where I lay. + +I heard the rustling of paper, the rustling of a dress, the noise of +feet paddling about. "Oh! it _is_ nice,--what did it cost?--who made +it?" "I made the skirt, and Miss Skinner the body,--she charged me seven +and six,--it's not dear, is it?--I'll hang it up, then the creases will +come out." "Let's hang it up first." And then on a peg at the back +of the door the dress was hung up, and for a moment, both women stood +admiring it, their backs towards me and the bed. + +"Look," said the sister, "it just wants a little something done to the +sleeves,--she said it was not finished there,--oh! yes here it is,--I +would not wait for her, I can easily do it myself,--I was glad to get +it, and half feared I should not get it for Sunday,--the old beast never +keeps her promise, but she has this time,--I gave her sixpence +extra. Oh I my gracious how hot it is,--I'm sweating all over,--it's +awful,--I'll pull off my frock, then I'll finish the sleeves as it hangs +up,--get us the needle and thread Jenny,--just thread a needle dear, +while I pull off my frock." + +"Don't," said Jenny in an agitated manner, "let's have tea first." "No +I must finish it," and as she spoke she undid her dress, and slipped it +off. A beautiful handsome pair of breasts came in view. "Oh! Lord look +at my chemise,--look how I've sweated--see how the stain from the dress +has gone through under my arms,--I stink of sweat,--how glad I shall be +when the weather is cooler." As she said that with a slight effort she +drew her arms through the sleeves of her chemise, and lifting her +freed arms showed a pair of black hairy armpits. I began to thrill and +cock-stiffen. She lifted her fine arms up, and looked at the stained +chemise as it hung over her stays, then with a heave and a push she +freed her breasts, so that they were right over the top of her stays +showing the nipples; then with naked arms, she began to work at the +sleeves of the dress hanging up behind the door. + +Jenny was all this time moving about in a restless manner, taking every +now and then a hurried glance at the valance of the bed which concealed +me; and as it seemed to me placing herself in such a position, as +to prevent my seeing her sister's upper nakedness; but it was quite +useless, I could see all she had exposed. + +She worked a few minutes talking to Jenny, who was making as much noise +with her feet as she could. Then the sister looked up, and leaving off +her needlework said, "This will make Tom want to do it to me,--a new +dress always does, when he sees me in it,--he ain't done it lately, he +will to-morrow." They both laughed, and she went to work again. + +Again she stopped, Jenny then seated herself at the edge of the bed over +me. "Oh! how awfully hot I am,--what a bore petticoats are,--I declare +I've a good mind to leave them off this weather." She stepped forwards. +"I'll take them off, I can slammack about to-night,--no one will see +me." "Oh! no don't," said Jenny in an excited way; but she quickly +unlaced her stays, untied her petticoats, and slipped them down to her +ankles. Her chemise which was no longer held up to her shoulders by the +arms, slipped down with them, and she stood naked before me excepting +her boots and stockings. She seemed to have forgotten that her chemise +was no longer held up, for just as the petticoats fell below her cunt, +she made a slight grasp as if to hold them up, then she gave a laugh, +"That's cool enough," said she. + +"Don't,--what are you doing?" shrieked Jenny, "put on your +chemise,--you're naked,--you're naked,"--and she tried to pull up the +chemise; but the woman stepped away from the clothes as they lay on the +floor, caught up the chemise, threw it on the bed, and placed petticoats +and stays on a chair by the washhand stand. I saw large hips, a mass of +dark hair at her cunt, a large white backside, fine round thighs, and +limbs; in brief a fine, plump, well-fed woman, a splendid sight. The +innocence of the action was beautiful. "Oh! isn't it nice and cool," she +said, "I've got so hot walking." + +"Put on your things,--what are you doing?" said Jenny. "Oh! isn't it +nice!--I wish one could go in one's skin this weather," she replied. She +scratched her motte-hair, and felt her arse, and seemed so pleased with +herself. Then she looked under each of her armpits. "Oh! Lord how hot I +am,--where is a towel?" She took one, and began gently rubbing herself +with it under her armpits, put it down, and again scratched the hair of +her motte. + +"I'm surprised at you," said Jenny walking about, and I'm sure trying +to prevent me from seeing her sister, though she always declared to me +afterwards that she had no such intention. "Cover yourself, you'll catch +cold." "Catch cold?--nonsense,--and you have the window shut also,--what +do you shut it for?" "Oh! I can't bear it open in thundering weather." +The fact was we always shut it when we went to the bed to exclude noise, +and left the door open, to hear if any one knocked at the street-door. +"Put something on you at all events," said Jenny, "it's not decent." +"Decent?--you _are_ modest all of a sudden." + +"It's delicious!" She walked round the bed to the window, opened it, +came back naked as she was, and went on working at her dress; and so for +a quarter of an hour did I see this handsomely-made woman naked, first +her side, then her belly, then her bum came in view, till I was driven +mad by the state of my penis which was throbbing with excitement, and +urging me to frig it. + +"Well that will do," she said as she finished, "the creases will never +be noticed where they are,"--and she walked backwards to the bed, the +short distance she was from it, and sat down at the edge just where the +valance had dropped. With care I pulled the valance, and the seam opened +more, but not much. I raised myself on my elbow, my eyes to the opening. +There were the thighs and legs stretching out to the floor, her bum +was at the mere edge of the bed, her cunt but about six inches above my +nose. I had a wonderfully keen scent for the aroma of a woman, and swear +I smelt her cunt distinctly, though I could not see it. She sat there +for full five minutes, talking to Jenny about the dress, whilst I kept +sniffing up the aroma from her flesh and her love-orifice, and feeling +my quivering prick, whilst my greedy eyes gloated on the fat thighs, so +far as I could see them. + +At length she turned round. "I'll put my slippers on,"--and sitting down +opposite the bed on the chair on which she had placed her petticoats, +she put one leg up, and began unlacing the boot, then between and under +the thighs I saw the dark hairy notch. She had scarcely put herself in +that attitude before putting her foot down, she came to the bed, put one +foot up, and there continued unlacing it,--and there was her cunt just +visible, and within a foot of my greedy eyes, whilst she leisurely +unlaced the boot on the bed, the other foot on the floor. Had I placed +her there for the purpose I could not have done it better. + +"Oh! don't," said Jenny, "take your foot off." "What's the matter?" +replied she as if just noticing Jenny's excitement, "you've got one of +your foolish fits on I think." "You will dirty the bed,--take your foot +off." "Nonsense it's quite dry, besides it's on my chemise,--I wish +you'd go and make tea, if you are in such a hurry,--one would think you +had got St. Vitus' dance,"--for Jenny in her agitation, and also to make +noise to prevent any indiscreet movement of mine being noticed, had kept +moving about noisily and restlessly the whole time. + +Silenced, she said no more, but still walked restlessly about, went at +the back of her sister, and glared at the valance where she guessed my +eyes were peeping. Her face was the picture of anxiety. But I did not +look at that long, I was rivetted on her sister's form and dark-haired +cunt; that cunt was at times slightly opened by the attitude she was in, +and altered its shape as she moved. I saw the thick dark hair curling +away until I lost sight of it in the direction of her arse-hole, and I +could smell her cunt again I swear, my excitement grew intense, I could +not keep my hand from my prick, I knew the delicate position I was in, +the injury I should do the poor girl if found out;--but a spend in sight +of that cunt and splendid pair of thighs I must have. I just touched +myself, holding my breath restraining all emotion, gave one or two +frigs, and a shower of sperm fell over my trowsers. If any man might +be pardoned for having a solitary pleasure, it was I, placed in such a +lust-stirring situation. + + + + +CHAPTER XXI. + + Further undressing.--Slippers wanted.--Toilet operations.-- + The effects of hash and beer.--A windy escape.--Feeling for + the pot.--Sisters exeunt.--A crushed hat, and soiled + trowsers.--A narrow escape.--My benevolent intentions + towards Jenny's sister. + +I thought I had had my pleasure in silence, but I was wrong, I was +heard, I had given a slight sigh. The anxious ears of poor Jenny heard +it. She made increased noise whilst her sister went tranquilly on, and +unlaced her boots without taking any notice or hearing me, whilst the +last drop of sperm was running over, and I was still looking at her +cunt, and sniffing. + +Then she stood looking at her boots. "Ah! this one wants soling,--where +are my slippers?--where did I put them?" They were just under the +bed, close by me. "Here they are," said Jenny rushing to the side, and +pulling them out she gave them to her sister who took them, but instead +of putting them on pulled off both her stockings. "I'll wash these +to-night," said she, "and darn them the first thing to-morrow,--I'll cut +my corns." "Oh! do come down and have tea,--you can cut your corns after +you have washed your feet to-night,--oh! put something on, and come." "I +won't be long,--you go and make tea." "No I shan't, I know you'll be +an hour,--it will be spoiled." "I can cut them so much better by +daylight,--I cut my toe last Saturday night you know," and without more +ado she walked round the foot of the bed to the other side, where in +front of the window was a small dressing-table, a looking-glass, and a +chair by the side of it. She was now absolutely naked from head to foot. +As she neared the window she said, "Oh! how delicious the air is blowing +upon one's skin,--I quite hate putting on my chemise again." Jenny still +kept moving about, and shuffling her feet; but the sister engrossed in +herself, kept on talking about her dress, her Tom, the place she was +going to on the morrow, and seemed to notice nothing. At length she +placed one foot on the chair by the window, and began cutting her corns. +And now I had a view of her backside and naked form from that side of +the bed. + +When she had finished one foot, she put it down, and sat on the edge of +the bed. "Poof! how hot it makes me stooping,--it makes me sweat,--but +I'll do the other,--drat the tight boots, they make corns,"--and up went +the other foot. Out went my head, and up went the valance, but I was +fearful of being seen, so took out my pen-knife, and cut a long slit in +the valance. Then my eye was never still to her buttocks, but I could +not see her seat of pleasure so well, so I took to the floor again, and +saw her cunt better. + +Then she stood for a minute looking over a little white blind into the +gardens. "There is Mrs. B----- and her daughter walking." "Oh! pray put +something on,--if they should see you." "Impossible they can't,"--and +she stooped down, and began operating on the other corn. The cunt opened +a little and so did something else, for out popped a pretty loud, short, +sharp fart. + +"You beast," said Jenny. "I beg your pardon," said the sister, "I'm +always windy when I have eaten hash, and drank beer,--I could not help +it." "It's dirty," growled Jenny. "You're far enough off, and it's +better out than in,"--and ceasing to chuckle, and as if half ashamed of +herself she went on corn-cutting without speaking, but that did not suit +Jenny who soon began a conversation, and shuffling about. She made no +further allusion to the fart. + +When she had finished it only seemed as if I had been looking at her +there for a few seconds, but on that side of the bed she must have given +me ten minutes of that lascivious gratification. I was so engrossed, +so delighted that even the fart did not amuse me; it annoyed me; for +it made her alter her position, and withdraw from my lustful gaze, that +charm which perhaps no one but her husband had ever gazed upon so long +and so earnestly. + +Then she went back again to the other side of the bed, put on stockings +and slippers, and getting up, "Where is the pot" said she, "is it this +side or the other?" and began feeling under the valance within a few +inches of me, but it was not there. Evidently it was usually there, +indeed I know it was, but Jenny and I both pissed before we began to +think of fucking, and I had put the pot under the washing-stand. + +"Not there," shrieked Jenny rushing to the pot. The sister turned +round and saw it, I peeped just in time to see her thighs open as she +squatted, then came a heavy thump on the bed. The sister said, "What's +the matter?---don't give way,--don't be a fool now." Then without +pissing she got up, and came to the bedside. Poor Jenny excited beyond +bearing by anxiety, had fainted on seeing her sister on the point of +discovering me in searching for the pot. + +She shook Jenny, threw water on her face, and Jenny soon recovered. +"What on earth's the matter?--you give way, you do,--a woman need not +faint like that, I'm sure," said she angrily, "you scared me dreadful." +Jenny said nothing, but repeated that she wanted her tea, that thundery +weather always made her feel sick and faint. + +"Well we will go down at once,--I did not think you were ill." "You +might have seen I was." "I did not, but I'll be ready in a minute." +Again she squatted on the pot, thighs wide open, belly towards me, +pissed like a water-spout, and let one or two little farts of which no +notice was taken, whilst I with cock stiff was looking on, and again +frigging myself. I could not help it, for every turn, every movement +she made was such as if done expressly to show off her naked charms, and +drive me randy-mad. + +"Give me my night-gown Jenny, it's at the foot of the bed, and I'll only +put my dress over it,--it's so hot." Jenny turned to take the night-gown +from the bed. "I'll just wash a bit," said her sister, "I'm almost in a +lather with heat and sweat." Pouring out water in the basin she placed +it on the floor, and turning towards the bed squatted, and sluiced her +cunt, then rubbed it dry with the towel. "That has made me comfortable," +she remarked, and began putting on her frock. + +As she did so she remarked, "You have not emptied the pot to-day,--you +should, it smells this hot weather." "Yes I did," said Jenny innocently. +"Well then you've peed a lot." "I've done it once or twice since +morning," said Jenny hastily. + +Then the sister went out first. When half-way downstairs I emerged from +my hiding-place and listened, heard Jenny say, "I may as well empty the +slops, you go and see if the water boils." Up came Jenny. "Oh! I'm +ready to die,--hish!--be quiet." She emptied the pot and waters into a +slop-pail, and went downstairs quickly whilst I followed her silently. +I was covered with flue, and had managed to crush my hat; my trows-ers +were partly unbuttoned, and one leg covered with spunk. We got to the +ground-floor almost together, and there I stopped. So soon as I heard +she was in the kitchen I moved along the passage, and slipped out, +leaving the street-door ajar. Luckily a cab was close by, and I jumped +into it. The first thing I did was to button up properly. I bolted past +my servant as she opened the door to me, took another hat, wrapped the +old one up in paper, and the same night tore out the lining, and threw +both away in a bye-road. + +I was in an indescribable state of excitement after this delicious +afternoon, and was seized with an almost delirious letch for the woman. +I was sleepless for a night or two, scheming how to possess her. + +Early on the Monday I got to Jenny's, and spent the rest of the day +fucking, and talking of the sight I had seen. My imagination helped to +allay my excitement, for the form of her sister though more beautiful +than Jenny's had still a family likeness to her, and as I clasped Jenny +in my arms I pictured her as her sister, and enjoyed her as such. + +I was cautious in my disclosures, for I found that Jenny who had been +most inquisitive about other women, and delighted to hear about how they +talked, and walked, and pissed, and fucked; was annoyed when I talked of +her sister's nakedness. I ought not to have looked,--why I had seen more +than she, her own sister,--a poor woman, and married, and she to have +her thing looked at by a strange man,--her husband could not have seen +more,--and so on. So though I described her sister's charms I took care +not to express any admiration of them, nor to say I had frigged myself, +and felt desire for her. Jenny had not noticed that my trowsers were +undone, and sperm-soiled. I had not noticed that myself till I got out +of the house on that eventful afternoon. + +On the Monday when I saw Jenny, she declared that another hour's anxiety +would have killed her. We found that the time from the minute the sister +came into the bed-room, to the time she went downstairs was two hours. +Jenny thought that she must have been half-an-hour working at her dress. +Jenny had walked round the room trying if she could see me, or if I was +looking, but could only do so once or twice at the holes, or fancy she +did; but the long tear in the valance through which I could see with +both eyes at once, and just above which her sister had put up her legs, +she had never noticed; nor did she believe me when I said that I could +see the cunt when her sister's backside was towards me, when near the +window. So I made her lie down, and look from the floor whilst I stood +naked, pretending to cut my corns. Then she said it was a shame of me to +be peeping. She had a clear inspection from my bum-hole to my ballocks, +and knew I had seen the cunt. + +She did not contend any longer. "Do you mean to say, that if you had +been under the bed, and had known a naked man was cutting his corns, you +would not have peeped out?" No she would not; but had it been a naked +woman perhaps she would, Jenny replied. So after she had heard from me +how much I had seen of her sister's body, between her back-bone and her +navel, and I had told her something which made her say, "Law has she!" +though I can't recollect what it was, the subject dropped. Then I learnt +from her more about her sister's wages, mode of life, and where she +worked; for although the thing seemed ridiculous, I had a letch, and +meant to try to put into that young woman if possible, though I had not +then stroked Jenny many weeks. I liked variety. + + + + +CHAPTER XXII. + + The Sunday following.--Chaste calculations.--The sister + alone.--My embarrassement.--Ale fetched.--Warm + conversation.--Stiffening.--Bolder talk.--An exhibition of + masculinity.--A golden promise.--Lust creeping.--Baudy + dalliance.--Cock and cunt in conjunction. + +On the following Sunday her young man was coming to London, and she was +to spend the day with him at his relatives. Her sister was to keep +the house, the husband was going elsewhere, so the sister would be +alone,--all provided it was fine weather. Jenny had promised her +Mistress that until her return she would never go out with her young +man, and that is how Jenny kept her word. She knew I would not tell, +would I?--I felt her cunt, and kissed her. "It's not very likely, is +it my pet?" Then she snivelled, said she was very wicked, and hoped God +would not punish her. + +When I heard of this arrangement I lusted strongly. In vain I said to +myself, "What again a married woman! in comfortable circumstances for +her class, with two children,--a woman you have never spoken to,--can +you expect to get her!" I did not expect it, but had a burning desire to +see and speak to her, to look closely at, and have a chat with a woman +whose privates I had seen so nakedly. It seemed to me to promise a +titillating treat. Besides I had been so successful with women,--gay +women had even been anxious to get me,--that a half-belief came over me, +that if I had time, I could persuade even her to let me. Time was the +difficulty, for she did not yet even know me by face (so I thought, but +was wrong). At all events see her I would,--she was dissatisfied with +her fucking, that I knew; she might be randy, and then be much less +impregnable than she seemed; so I determined to see her on the Sunday +that Jenny went out. + +I could think only of one powerful means of getting her, if anything +encouraged a hope, and that was by money. I had not too much then, +though getting better off, but determined if ten pounds would tempt her, +that she should have it. I was a long time I recollect pondering over +the sum. The Sunday turned out fine, I put the gold in my purse, and +went to the house just after their dinner-time, and after my luncheon, +at which I fed myself up well, and to give me courage took an extra +glass, for I had one of my nervous fits of funking come on, mixed with +doubts about the morality of deliberately trying a married woman. + +She opened the door, I walked straight in. "Who are you?" "Where is the +housemaid?" said I, "I have promised Mrs. W-----to call and see from +time to time." "Oh! I'm her sister sir, my name is-----, I sleep here +every night sir, Mrs. W----- pays me to do so sir,--my sister is out +sir,--I'm very sorry, but she is not at all well from being confined to +the house so much,--I told her she might go to church,--it would be a +change, and give her a little fresh air;--she will be back at half-past +four sir." "Oh! so you are Mr. So-and-So?" "Yes I am." I walked into the +parlours. There was a large beer-jug and two tumblers on the table, and +ale in one glass. She rushed to take them away. "I beg pardon sir, but +Mrs. W------ said we might sit in the parlours, when we have done work, +and on Sundays besides, cause it's so dull in the kitchens." The woman +was agitated at her sister being out, and at being caught drinking beer +in the parlour; she thought I might make mischief, I suppose. + +I told her that she need not disturb herself, for I should not stay +long, and kept looking with cock already stiffening into her face, +then at her arms, then at the bottom of her belly, and in my mind's eye +seeing the dark hair down there. I had planned conversation, but forgot +what to say, through thinking of her nakedness and sexual charms; and +stood staring at her till she turned her eyes away confused, and colored +up. + +I continued to be embarrassed, and so lost recollection of all I had +intended to say and do, that I was actually going away. I asked one or +two stupid questions: if letters had come, if any one had been, and so +on; all the time thinking that I was looking through her clothes at her +naked charms. I was in a sort of a trance of baudiness which muddled me; +when noticing the ale-glass I asked, "What are you drinking?" "Fourpenny +ale sir." That reply broke the spell, my senses returned, I thought of +an excuse for stopping. "Give me a glass,--I'm thirsty." "That's the +last of it sir." "Can't you get some?" "The pot-boy brought that,--it's +Sunday, and the public is not always open." I looked at my watch. "It's +not church-time yet, send some one to fetch some,--I'm so thirsty, and +hot, and so tired,"--and I sat down. "I'm alone." "Is not your husband +here?" "No, no one." "Do you mind fetching me some?" "If you don't +mind waiting sir." "No." I gave her money. "How much?" "Oh! fill the +jug,--not with fourpenny,--with the best ale,--ask them to draw it +mild, and get me two bottles of ginger-beer". In a few minutes she was +back,--I had given her a five shilling piece. "You may keep the change." +"Thank you sir", said she quite touched and delighted. I always gave the +change to girls whom I wanted to poke. + +In her absence I went all over the house that was not locked up, even to +the privy and coal-cellar, had satisfied myself that she was alone, and +was getting quite myself again when she came back. + +"Have a glass." "Thank you sir." "So you are Jenny's sister,--Jane's her +name I think." Yes it was. "Aren't you afraid to be in the house of a +night?" No she was not. "Sit down." "Thank you sir,"--but she stood. "So +you are an upholstress,--sit down,"--and after a little pressure down +she sat. We took ale together, and no doubt I spoke with all that +kindness which a man shows towards a woman whom he desires to poke, I +have heard women say that I have a winning, persuasive manner. + +Gradually the conversation became about herself. "You've two +children,--why not more?" "Oh! quite enough for poor people." "Well you +see I can't get any." "Poor people are sure to have lots." "Two is not a +lot,--how manage to stop at two?" "Oh! it's all chance." "Is not another +coming?" She was getting flushed and excited. "Lord no, I hope not." +"Don't you know?" "I don't." "Yes you do,--how old is your last?" "Four +years." "If I were your husband I'd have a dozen." "Well you say _you_ +haven't any yet sir," said she. "No I can't get any." "Ah! if we had +your money!--but with we poor people is different,--it's hard enough to +fill the bellies of two." "And so you won't have your belly filled with +another little one,--won't you, eh!" + +"Oh! Lord," said she laughing spite of herself, "you are plain-spoken." +I was in the vein now, did not say an improper word, but gave baudy +hints, smutty suggestions about the dullness of sleeping alone, of the +results of wives being away from husbands, etc., till her eyes twinkled, +and she laughed much. I had now broken down the barrier, had brought +myself to her level, and she as every other woman would have done, took +advantage of it, and began to return my chaffing and banter, every +woman feels instinctively that when a man is chaffing her (be it ever so +decently veiled), about fucking, that she may safely return it: both are +at once on a common level. A washerwoman would banter a prince, if the +subject was cunt, without the prince being offended. To talk of fucking +with a woman is to remove all social distinctions, and I had done it +without uttering at first a smutty word. + +Jenny's sister went on chaffing, and drank ale freely. "Oh! I dare say, +but why don't _you_ have children?" "I can't get any I tell you, but I +try." "Not much at home," said she, "from all I have heard." "No I try +out as well, and get none,--I'm a safe man." Then I found she knew a +lot about me and my affairs; She had actually worked at my house on some +curtains, had seen me once, and knew my voice, though for the moment she +had not recollected my face with my hat on when I entered the door that +afternoon. But I had never seen her at my house to my knowledge, though +if I had I was not likely to have noticed a common upholstress. + +We went on chaffing, looking in each other's faces, each knowing we were +talking about fucking. "Well Mrs.------ playing at mother and father's +a delicious amusement, is it not?" "I don't know." "If you don't +know we'd better try,--I'd give five pounds to be your husband for +an hour,--and five pounds would buy you anew dress." "It would buy me +three," said she without noticing the other part of my remark. "Three?" +"Yes three,--I can't afford more than thirty shillings for a best +dress." "Really!--such a beautiful creature as you ought to have plenty +of dress, for I have rarely seen a more lovely woman, and so well +grown,--I'll bet you have fine limbs." She was flattered, the praise +upset her, her eyes tinkled. Yes she might have done better she knew, +but it was to be. I went close to her, caught and kissed her. She made +not too strong a resistance, but got away. "That's going a little too +far." "That's the beginning of a game at mother and father, and you are +going to have the three dresses." She laughed in a funny way. "I don't +want to be a mother any more, so I don't want any games." But she seemed +to me to look as if she did. + +What did she get for stopping at the house? Five shillings a week, and +her supper and breakfast,--that was an object. "Five shillings?--why +my kiss was worth that,--let me give you another, and I'll give you +ten shillings for the two." "You don't mean that," said she with a low +laugh. "On my soul yes,--but you must give me a kiss as well." She +shook her head. "It's going too far," said she. "There it is, I'll trust +you,--you won't take it without letting me." She was then sitting. I put +the half sovereign into her hand. "Thank you sir," said she softly. I +kissed her rapturously, she let me kiss half-a-dozen times, and whilst +doing I so took hold of her hand, and pressed it as if by accident +against my cock. She a married woman knew the hard line her hand pressed +against, for she moved her hand away. "Now your promise,--kiss me." "I +didn't promise." "You took the money." "There then," said she giving me +a kiss, and jumping up sharply, "we are going too far,--we really are +now,--we don't either of us know what we are about I think." "I don't +think I do," said I, "for though I never saw you before, I've never been +so struck with a woman in my life, I'd give ten pounds to be in bed with +you an hour." + +I had been putting my cock straight in my trowsers, feeling and +squeezing my balls whenever I saw her looking at me. I fancied she kept +looking askant at that part of my person. She was getting red in face, +hot, and confused in manner. Just then I observed a bed pillow on the +sofa, she had I guessed been laying down after dinner. "Why here is +a pillow,--you've been on the sofa with your husband,--you have been +playing at mother and father here." She burst out into laughter. "Why +I've not seen him for a week." "Then you've been tickling by yourself." +"Tickling?" (it was said quite innocently.) "Yes between your legs." +"Oh! really now you are a going too far sir," said she jumping up again, +"you speak too freely,--I don't like it." Then she laughed, and said, +"Well--this--really is,--oh!" + +"Not at all,--you are lovely, exquisite, delicious,--if you've really +not seen your husband for a week, let me,--who will know?--we are in the +house alone,--let us,"--and standing close to her I put my arms round +her, but I felt afraid of going too far. + +"You must not talk like that." "Oh! nonsense,--I'll give you six +pounds." "Oh! no, you don't mean what you say,--it's wild talk." I took +out my purse, and putting six pounds on the table in gold, just as I had +done to her sister the ten pounds; there said I, "That is yours,"--and +pulled out my prick. She got up, and ran to the other side of the room +as if I had pulled out a pistol. "You're talking too plain sir,--it's +going too far,--if you expose yourself like that I'll go to the +street-door." I'm at a loss to know why I pitched upon six pounds, I had +intended ten, but cannot tell why I offered that particular sum. I have +often thought since, of what made me take that economical figure. + +"Sit down." "I won't if you expose yourself,--it's not gentlemanlike." I +put my cock into my trowsers, then kissed her again, resistance was not +so strong. "Now sir don't." "Sit down my darling,"--and getting her to +the sofa we went on talking. "How foolish,--who would know,--why not +delight me,--why not take the money." "No." "Do now." "No." "Won't you?" +"Of course not,--no,--no." "Well kiss me." "There then." "Do let me +dear." "I won't,--I won't,--I shan't,--there." + +Just then I noticed one of her garters was hanging down by her foot. +"Your garter's undone," said I. I stooped forwards, and took it up. +"Give it me." I kissed it. "No,--it's been so near where I want to go, +--I shall keep it till I've been there." "You will keep it a long time +then." + +She drank more ale, it was sweet and strong, and I went on talking. +Thought I, "She must want it if she has not seen her husband for a +week." Where did she garter.--below or above knee? "Let me feel?" I felt +outside, then pinched the leg, then higher up. She began looking me full +in the face, and laughing at my smutty insinuations. I pulled her back +on the sofa, kissed her, and let her rise up again. I repeated the pull +and the kiss more than once, and then as she was rising up and saying, +"Now don't pull me about like that," I put her hand on my prick which +I had slipped out again. "Oh!"--and she let it go. Quick as lightning +I slipped a hand up her clothes to her cunt. "Let me now,--there's a +darling." "I shan't." "Do." "I shan't." She repulsed my hand, but did +not get away from me. I thought from the way she looked at me, and the +quiet manner in which she pushed away my hand, that she was hot with +lust, and could scarcely refuse me. I pulled her to me, and got my +finger on her clitoris. "Do let me feel your cunt, and fuck,--put my +prick in there,--let us,--do darling," said I twiddling like mad, and +rattling out a volume of baudiness. + +She bore it all for a minute quietly, wriggling and saying, "I +shan't,--I won't,--no, now take your hand away." Then with a sudden +impulse she pushed me off, got up, and sat down further from me on the +sofa. "Oh! now be quiet,--let me think a minute,--I don't know whether +I'm on my heels or my head." She picked up something which had fallen at +her feet, as she had doubled herself down when my finger was stimulating +her randiness. + +Then catching her by her waist I pulled her back on to the sofa, and +threw myself on her. "You shan't" were the last words I recollect her +uttering; as I threw up her clothes and felt the wet gash. My prick the +next instant was buried in it, and we were fucking. + +"Don't,--oh.--take it out,--do,--oh!--oh!--ohoe!" she murmured. She +had fetched me, and pump; pump, pump, pump, went my spunk up her. Then +delicious oblivion. As I came to myself I found her arse still moving. +"Oh! do" she murmured. She was besides herself, with desire to spend. + +But my prick instead of obeying me as it usually did on such exciting +occasions, refused, and shrinking left her cunt, to my intense vexation. +"I haven't done it," said she softly, and with disappointment as her bum +ceased its labors, and my tool lay dropping outside her quim. + +We spoke no more, but I lay trying to squeeze it up again. To stiffen it +I felt up and round her, rubbed the tip on her spermy nymphoe, she made +gentle efforts to second me, but it was of no use, so I rolled off. +She sat up, and after looking at me for a minute with eyes filled with +baudiness, began like all women, to feel if her hair was all right. +"Were you just coming my dear?" She made no reply. + +She had not taken any care to arrange her dress, it had dragged up +behind her bum, and the petticoats were up to her knees, the leg which +had lost its garter was half naked. Taking her round the waist I put my +hand on to her cunt, and titillated the clitoris. She let me go on, +and continued feeling about her hair. Then looking me full in the +face, looking as if she were ready to spend, she pushed me away. +"Don't,--don't,--I don't like it done that way." "You can do it that +way yourself, can't you?" "Of course I can." "I shall soon fuck again." +"Oh! I dare say," and she walked to the looking-glass, then went to the +window, and looked out into the garden without paying any heed to my +exciting remarks. I sat on the sofa feeling my cock, and trying to +stiffen it, but it was useless; so I tried to interest her in something +else, feeling annoyed, though I had nothing to be ashamed of. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII. + + Jenny's bed-room.--The money hid.--On the bed.--Fears of + maternity.--Inspection of sex.--The use of a husband.-- + Another Sunday.--Regrets and refusal.--Resistance overcome.-- + Jenny's ignorance.--Her Master returns.--Difficulty in + getting at Jenny.--Her sister waylaid.--Against a fence.-- + Jenny's marriage, and rise in life. + +"Why don't you take the money?" said I. "You really mean it?" "Of +course." She took it up. "It's a real God-send,--it comes just in +time,--who'd have thought it?" said she as if to herself. "I must put +it where it can't be found, and take it home to-morrow." She went to +the door. "Aren't you going?" "No I'm going to do it again soon." "But +you're not." "But I am." Without reply she went upstairs. I had meant to +have ready a stiff-stander, when she came back, but changed my mind, and +followed her. She was nearly at the top when hearing me she waited, and +said, "What do you want?" + +"I'm coming to see what you do." "You won't." "I will." "I'll come down +and wait till you are gone." "I'll stop till your sister comes home." +"Do go down sir," said she in a coaxing tone. "No." She sat down on the +top-stairs, I did the same a few stairs below her. Her knees were wide +apart, my mind went to the afternoon when I had seen her naked. That +glorious two hours. I stared in a voluptuous reverie, her cunt was as +visible to me through her clothes, as if she were naked, and my cock +began to swell. I stared on without uttering a word. + +"What are you staring at?" said she at last, "go down, and I'll be down +in a minute." "I'm looking at your cunt, it's open slightly, I can see +my spunk in it." "Oh!" said she jumping up, "I never heard such a man in +my life." (She had the gold still in her hand.) "You have upset me so, +I don't know what I am about." She then turned her bum round towards +me, and I put my hand quickly up her clothes, as she went up the stairs. +"Oh! you frighten me so I don't know what I'm doing." I followed her +into the room, and she locked up the money in a bag that was in a +drawer. Turning round she saw my prick out, and as stiff as ever. It was +the recollection of what had taken place in that room on the Saturday +week previous, which had rendered me capable again. I closed on her, +kissing and inciting her, pulled her to the bed, and began feeling +her. "I don't like that done,--you know you can't,--leave me alone,--go +down,--oh! don't." + +I coaxed her for a second. She got on to the bed, and opened her thighs +wide like a well-trained fuckster to help me, I inserted my penis, and +she met me with passion. I was not so rapid, the want of a spend was +not now overpowering my senses; whilst she had had two hours baudy talk, +been fucked, but cheated of her pleasure, and been left at the critical +moment, unsatisfied, with my spunk in her. She was dying for a spend, +wanting it like a woman who has been for a week unsatisfied. Her cunt +was hungry for prick, throbbing and tightening to pour out it's amatory +juices, her backside's movements became quick and fierce. +"Oh! it's big," she gasped whilst I was still sensible, +"oh!--I'm--com--coming,"--and gluing her mouth to mine she spent +copiously ere I'd well nigh began to feel the full urging of lust. + +The constriction of her cunt, the delight of feeling her pleasure +increased my stiffness. "Let me wash,--do." "You won't come on the bed +again." "Yes I will, but let me wash." I clutched her like a vise. "NO +I'm coming,--you'll spend again." My prick stiffer and stiffer drove +with fury up against her womb. "Oh! don't push so hard." "Fuck my +darling,--there,--the tip's only in,--it's in your spunk, and mine +together." "Oh! you hurt." On I drove. Her backside's play began, her +lips were glued to mine, our tongues played against each other, and we +spent together with ejaculations. "Oh!--don't,--you hurt,--oh! oh!--I'm +coming." Then we lay palpitating, my prick throbbing and soaking, her +cunt squeezing and sucking. + +"Let me get up,--let me wash,--pray do." I laid on her heavy, nestled my +balls up to her arse, held her as long as I could; but uncunting me she +got off the bed, and washed her cunt. I still lay playing with my prick. +"You'll have a child this day nine months my dear." "Oh! my God don't +say so,--but I believe I shall." "You are all right, I don't get them +you know." "Have you never had any children!" "None at home." "Oh! +that's nothing,--have you any out, for you are a gay man?" + +I got up to piss, and saw my thick sperm in the basin. "You've washed it +all out my dear,--you are safe." She shook her head. "This is a +strange business," she remarked, "I scarce know where I am,--what I'm +about,--it's impossible,"--and she stood staring at me playing with my +cock. Then she went to the drawer and looked at the money, as if she +doubted its being there. "It's a fact," she said locking it up again, +"are you not going down?" "No." "I wish you would,--I want to be by +myself." "You want to piddle." "You are a strange man," and taking the +pot she pissed. "You'd better empty all," said I, "if your sister Jenny +comes back and sees it, she will think your husband's been doing it +to you." "She won't think or know anything if she does see," said Mrs. +------"Well I declare I'm a talking to you just like my husband,--I +don't seem to know whether I am on my head or my heels." + +"Church must be over,--Jenny has not come back." "She won't be back till +nine o'clock, she is out with her young man." "Oh! not at church?" "No +I told you so because Mrs. W-----told her not to go out on Sunday;--but +you won't tell?" "Of course not my dear, I dare say Jenny and her +young man have done what we have been doing." "Lord sir, he is a +most respectable young man, and far above her,--they are going to be +married,--she is lucky, luckier than I am,--she'd knock his head off +if he laid hand upon her improperly,--that she would, she! Lor bless +you,"--and Mrs. ------ laughed with incredulity. I laughed also. "Ah! +she looks a quiet young woman." "So she is, and so is he,--his family is +well off,"--and then she told me all that Jenny had told me. + +"I wish you would let me make the bed." "I'm going to have you again." +"Oh! likely." "I am." "No you're not,--please go." "No." "Then I shall +go downstairs," "Go my dear." She took me at my word, her manner had +quite changed, she had been laughing and chaffing, she had blushed, +looked at me with fun and lust in her eyes, and at last with full open +eyes one moment, followed by the half-dosed eye and languishing manner +of a randy woman. Now she was quiet, almost sullen, and if she looked at +me her eyes fell directly, the randiness had been taken out of her. "I +must rouse it up well if I am to have her again," said I, to myself as I +lay thinking about her, and the delicious sight I had seen in that room, +the sight I never dare disclose to her,--but how I longed to tell her. + +Up she came looking glum. "Are you not going?" "No." "Let me make the +bed then." "Not until I have had you again." "Then it will go unmade." +"That won't matter to me." "But it will to me,--what will my sister say +if she sees the bed's been laid upon like that?" "Perhaps she will think +a man has been with you." "Well you take it mighty cool,--I do +hope you're going." "Not till I've had you." "Now you are a talking +nonsense,--you know you can't do it," said she with an incredulous look, +and the tone of a woman who knew what a prick could do and what not. +"Look at this," I uncovered my prick which was nearly at a full-stand. +She smiled when she saw it. "Nonsense I am ashamed." "My dear I'm proud, +and not ashamed,--come." "I shan't." "Then here I'll lay,"--and I fell +back, and pulled balls and cod well out of my trowsers. + +I had always a lust stirring tongue, fifty women have told me so. "You'd +talk any women randy," said a gay woman once to me. Brighton Bessie +said, that in five minutes I could talk her into a lewd state. Others +have given me similar compliments. I was not specially conscious of that +power that I recollect, but instinctively used it when I had got over +fits of modesty, which sometimes prevented my uttering even veiled +allusions for a time. + +Mrs. ------ like Jenny was easily flattered. What lovely limbs she had +I said; had she much hair on her cunt? my excitement had prevented me +feeling or seeing it. "Come and let me feel,--let me look." She colored +and blushed, and at every lascivious remark, "Oh! I never,--no I never +did,--oh!" Then she again went to the drawer where the money was, +looked in it as if to make sure it was there, and locked the drawer now. +"Mine's bigger than your husband's, isn't it?" "Well if I ever heard +such remarks." "You said it was big when it was up you." "Oh! you +story." "You did my dear, you said when you were just coming, 'Oh! it's +big.'" "I didn't." "_Yes you did_, you know you did,--look how stiff it +is now,--come." "I won't." + +I moved off the bed, caught her, and pushed her against the side of the +bed. "Let's see your cunt." "You shan't." "How foolish,--I've fucked it +twice,--let me feel it, and you feel my cock,--let me look at it,--I'm +sure it's lovely." She got on to the bed after a little resistance, took +my pego in her fist, and I got my fingers in her crack. "A delicious +fuck you are,"--then she let me pull up her clothes and look. "My +God what a lovely cunt,--how deliciously you join your wet lips to +mine,--how you move,--I shall never forget it to the last moment of +my life,--oh! let me." "I musn't,--I would, but I'm frightened." "How +foolish,--it's not an hour since my prick was in you,--what is the harm +of doing it another time?" "Will you go then?" "Yes." Gently Mrs.------ +opened her thighs. Our backsides were soon at the short wriggles. "It's +big, isn't it?" "Oh! don't," said she, "I shall spend." My remark, +tallying perhaps with something which was passing in her own mind +fetched her, and me with her instantly. + +When it was over I would not go. "No I'll do it again." "That's +nonsense," said she, "you know you can't, even if you try, and you're +only making me anxious." We laid side by side talking, for she liked +the subject. I had a most buttock-stirring letch on me, and to her +astonishment in about an hour I produced another stiff one. One +persuasion is very much like another with the same woman; each time I +had less difficulty, for she liked the poking. Dusk was coming on, she +got lights, she fetched some liquor, and after the liquor I got her to +lay on the sofa (for we then had gone downstairs), and on pretence +of kissing her quim I got her to open her thighs wide, and saw in the +twilight what I had seen before, large and ugly inner-lips. For all that +I fucked her again, after frigging myself up gently to stiffness, and +fucked as if it was the last bout with a woman I was ever going to have. +Then I left at her earnest entreaties before her sister returned. I had +been there six hours. + +I called on Jenny next day. She was in a way. Her sister directly she +had returned home said she must go and see her husband; and spite of +Jenny's entreaties not to leave her alone, had gone and never returned +all night. Jenny could not make out the reason, but thought that she +went away expecting to find her husband with a woman. She returned to +sleep as usual on the Monday night with Jenny, I found subsequently. + +That day I went off without poking Jenny, and slunk away ashamed. I +was done up with poking her sister. Jenny seemed astonished, but said +nothing. + +Afterwards I got out of Jenny cautiously all I wanted to know about her +sister. The result was, that finding on the next Sunday fortnight, Jenny +was again going out with her young man, and the sister again would be +left in the house, I went there. The woman's astonishment was great, and +I believe she was genuinely distressed at seeing me. I attacked her for +a time fruitlessly, she would not move from the street-door. "Did you +not swear when I let you do it the last time, you would never come near +me again, and never tell any one?" said she. + +I could not deny it, had great difficulty with her, and thought I never +should succeed. For full an hour with her back against the wall of the +passage did she stand, refusing to move. I pulled up her clothes, felt +her cunt, knelt on the mat, got my head up her petticoats, my nose on +her motte, my mouth on her thighs and cunt, my hand round her marbly +buttocks, and held her kissing, sniffing, and groping my fingers between +her bum-cheeks, and the red orifice which I wanted to plug. In her +struggles to prevent me she once nearly fell, but she got away. + +But what woman who has been fucked by a man could withstand an hour's +persistent feeling, cunt-kissing, baudy talk, and beseeching. I +conquered, and fucked her on the sofa. She did not rush out to wash her +cunt as she had done at our first meeting, there was no water near. I +had her again and again. At each assault when the pleasure overtook her, +she had the same mouth-sucking and arse-wagging. When our love-making +was over, I gave her two pounds. I had offered it her before in the +passage, but she had knocked it out of my hand. When she took it she +said, "Ah! it's an awful thing to be poor!" I shall tell of another +woman who made the same excuse to herself for getting her lust +satisfied, or yielding. + +That satisfied me, and I never had her again in the house. A letch for +her came again about two months afterwards,--why? God only knows, for +then at times I was having her sister, another woman, Louisa Fisher, +and lastly Sarah Mavis. The old couple had returned, Jenny had a +fellow-servant; I could only get a poke up her with difficulty on the +Sundays, which her young man did not see her. I took her to a baudy +house for an hour or so, then she went to church, and heard the text, +because her Mistress always asked her what the text was when she went +home. It was a supposition that she went to church on a Sunday. + +I knew where Jenny's sister lived, and the place where she worked. It +was now dark about six o'clock. I waylaid her on her way home on the +high-road which was well lighted and full of people. I walked with her, +but she prayed me not to do so, for her husband came partly the same +road, and sometimes met her. What would happen if he met her with a +swell walking by her side. I could not persuade her to go to a house. +No,--she was not a loose woman, though she knew what she had done,--I +had done her more harm than I had any idea of, already,--why injure +her? + +The more she objected, the more I longed for her. At last under solemn +promise that I would go away after, we turned up a short street leading +into a lane by garden-grounds, and there up a fence I fucked her. Away +she went, and I never saw her afterwards to speak to, though I have +passed her without taking notice. I think that in that parting fuck I +had all the pleasure, she none. + +Jenny's Mistress had been taken ill at the seaside, and kept there a +month longer than was intended. Owing to this my complete enjoyment of +Jenny's charms was prolonged, and to that I owed the second Sunday's +fucking of Jenny's sister. Old Mr. W----- came up to London twice, and +once nearly caught me in the house. I had written to say I had called +at their home, and had never found their servant out. The lady wrote to +thank me, and in writing to my mother, said how much obliged they were +for my calling; but my wife said she thought the servant (Jenny) was a +sly sort of minx, and wondered how they could be so foolish as to leave +her in the house by herself. + +When they came to town I was for a time very intimate with them, which +pleased them much. Jenny used to let me out at the garden-gate, and +leave the gate unlocked. Instead of going away, I used to hide in the +shrubs, Jenny would come back, close the street-door ajar, and a few +minutes afterwards come out again very quietly. Then up against an +ivy covered wall we poked, and she went indoors with wetted privates. +Sometimes after waiting I had to go away unsatisfied, she not appearing, +sometimes rain prevented us,--all of which was very annoying. + +Fucking her in fact became a matter of anxiety. She had to dodge her +fellow-servant as well as her Master and Mistress, and we copulated in +fear and trembling. In the midst of the work she has left me because +of some scare; once she went off saying, "Oh! there is Missus' bell +ringing,--oh!"--and uncunting me, off she ran. One night we went on +to the flower-beds between two large trees, and the next day the old +gentleman remarked that some man had got over the wall into his garden, +and he should tell the police. If there was moonlight we were done. One +night latish she was sent to fetch some butter. I waited, and we fucked +up against some palings. Unfortunately the butter was let fall out of +the basket on to the gravel. We went back for more, but the shop was +then shut, so she had to take home the dirty butter, and make the best +story she could about it. On Sundays when at the baudy house, the girl +was awfully frightened lest she should be seen, and we used to walk +there on opposite sides of the way, I going in first. Then we went away +with similar precautions,--but I began to get very tired of this, having +indeed had enough of her. + +Jenny had lost all fear of being in the family way, and poked freely, +but she never ceased bewailing her poor young man; though at length my +tool had become to her a thing to be longed for. The young man had money +left him, quitted his place, and Jenny left to be married. I heard of +them for many years afterwards, they opened a shop, then a larger one, +and so on, till at length he became (I found this quite recently) the +mayor of the town,--if not it was some one of the same name, and in the +same line of business. He was much respected, and Jenny his wife was +equally so. They had no children up to the time when the old lady her +former Mistress, died; and for aught I know they may still be living in +the town of------. + +One night some time before she left her situation, we spoke of her +sister. "She is in the family way again," said she, "and in such a way +about it, and so is he,--the night she left me to sleep by myself, she +went home to her husband, because she suspected there was another +woman there;--well that night she declared he did not let his stuff go +outside,--he says he did,--they quarrel, he says it's her fault, and she +says it's his." + +Then it seemed evident to me that after the heavy fucking I gave her +that day, that she feared being in the family way; so went home, and +incited her man to fuck her, and enable her to say that the child was +his, and of course it might have been, though it might have been mine. + + +FINIS VOLUME THREE + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's My Secret Life, Volumes I. to III., by Anonymous + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MY SECRET LIFE, VOLUMES I. 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