{ "ticker": [ "50 Car Pile-Up Results In New City Sculpture.", "After 36 Years Of Marriage, Man Discovers Wife Is Actually A Rare Yucca Plant.", "All Raccoons Cheat At Poker, Researchers Say.", "Cat Hijacks Municipal Bus; Riders Applaud Good Timing At Stops And Courteous Meows.", "Tommy B. Saif Sez: No Left Turn, Except Buses.", "Truckload Of Apples Overturns, [city] Diner Offers Applesauce Special.", "Ordinary Days In [city] Become Common.", "Semicolon Declared Sexier Than Comma At Grammarian's Fete.", "Spotted Owl Spotted.", "Crime Lord Spotted In [city]; Mayor Says \"No Comment\".", "Cat Burglar Spotted, Mistaken For Dalmatian.", "Local citizens confused about New Spark Box Pro XL Series U.", "Customers of the New Spark Box Pro XL Series U confirm that it has Knuckles." ] }